#when i say a major part of the curriculum here

[ratbastarddotfuck]

Answering your tags in the children’s rights post, no, not where I attended school (US public school). I wasn’t even aware the UN made a document about it until now, which is unsurprising for the US but nonetheless aggravating

every day I learn something more horrifying about the US education system.

I'm pretty sure we read the children's rights when I was in grade 5 here in Australia? so I would've been 8 or 9 or so. I have no idea if this was standardised so really idk what I'm surprised about. but man that was something that built a foundation of autonomy for me as a kid that I could fall back on when I was scared... I have the right to safety. I have the right to xyz. seems important I think.

[ambrosiagoldfish]

i’m going a teensy bit feral reading your adam x third spouse story so i guess im just asking for part five and for it to hopefully have focus on dad beat dad and how lucifer would react to seeing the reader again after so long and like what would happen n stuff 🤭🤭 ofc if this is dumb ignore it i like what you’re doing with the story already !! the part im most excited for is the finale tbh but there’s a lot of time in between what you have rn and then so i’m just yapping abt stuff that could be cool in between. thsi is so jumbled omg sorry i just wanna see more of your writing it’s so good

idk how to end this uhh i love you bye 🫡

Benefit of the doubt PT.5

Adam x 3rd Spouse! Reader

Warnings: GN! Reader, confronting the past, next to no Adam (I know, sad, but it’s for the plot), Reader focused chapter, this is set during ‘Dad Beat Dad’, swearing, the next 2 chapters will have a LOT more Adam DW ❤️❤️

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Request Box: OPEN

Word count: 4322

A/n: Hey everyone! Thank you so much for the support on all the other chapters. It’s been 8-ish months since the last update and for that I want to apologize. I’ll save it for its own dedicated post to not full int his page too much. But if you’ve saw one of my post from the other day, I have posted this on A03 and I’m giving myself 8 total parts. 7 will be the finale and 8 will be an epilogue styled thing (not even sure if I’m wanting to do it so when we get there, you guys can tell me if you want it!! ) so yeah, enough rambling, you’ve all been waiting so long for the next part so here you go!! <3

Reblogs are VERY appreciated!

(My posts have been flopping so much, I would love you forever if you did 😭)

Old memories have a habit of slithering their way back into a person's mind, and even sometimes, people

The first few months at fhe hotel were a lot more enjoyable than you originally expected. Most days went relatively the same, Charlie would choose an activity to do and you would observe the progress they made.

At first, progress hadn't shown much promise but as everyone grew closer, things began to look up. Angel had gone clean with his drug abuse and was distancing himself from his line of work. Sir Pentious started to actually trust the people around him and has done no major constructional damage to any buildings as of late.

Everything was going so smoothly that, when you had woken up one morning to the sounds of screaming, running, and just general chaos. You thought everything was finaly going into the ground.

You quickly run down to the lobby, thoughts of what could be happening run through you. Did one of Pentious experiments fail and explode? Were we being attacked by one of the many gangs in town? Did Alastor decide the hotel was actually boring and started destroying it, starting with the occupants? Whatever it was, you hurry faster to the lobby.

But what was meeting you there was… unexpected to say the least. Party streamers, banners, cookies. It looked like some kind of welcome party heaven would do, albeit with less flare and taste in decor. A banner that read ‘Wellcum Daddy’ was being hung up by Razzle and Dazzle, everyone was either cleaning or baking something, and Vaggie seemed to be ordering them around.

You look at the clock, huh, it’s way too early for any kind of Charlie’s trust exercises. Not to mention, she would have told you about the curriculum and there was absolutely not a 10 AM home-EC class listed on your schedule.

You quickly run up to Charlie who seemed to be preoccupied with helping Vaggie put something up “Charlie, what’s going on?” You tap on her shoulder, She jumps a bit before just realizing it’s you,

”Oh- Y/N, I’m so sorry, I completely forgot to get you!” She apologizes when Vaggie pops in,

“Don’t be, I told Nifty to go wake you up, but looks like she had better things to do” she points over at Niffty swifty stabbing bugs and removing cobwebs out of habit

“It’s fine, just… what’s everyone doing, what’s with all the party supplies and sweets?” You say, arms to the festive lobby around you.

“Oh well…” she took a deep breath “you know that The deadline is fast approaching and while we’ve made progress it’s not much” she paused, trying to even brace herself for what’s coming out of her mouth, “I have asked… my dad to come over and hopefully get us a meeting with heaven” she stops, completely caved in on herself.

“Wait, so… your dad is coming here?” you thought about the times she had asked you to get them a meeting with heaven but you had already explained to her that it would be next to impossible for someone like you. You had to practically beg just to monitor the hotel

Charlie Picked herself back up and looked at you with a shakey demeanor, “Yeah In about… 55 minutes”

You blink a few times before giving a small chuckle “Well, would you look at the date! I think it’s time I used my 1-per-month trip back home! If you’ll excuse me-“

“Wait! No-“ she trips over herself “We need you here, if dad can see, not only the progress we’ve made, but also that we already have an angel supporter, there’s no way he could say no!”

“Charlie, I don’t think it’s a good idea-”

“PleasePleasePlease! I will pay you back, promise! But I- we could really use you there!” Her eyes looked at you, similar to a puppy. She hands clasped together In plea.

You looked away in thought. Seeing him again was the last thing you wanted to do at this moment, any moment for that matter. The last time…well to be honest, the whole exchange hadn’t meant anything to you in quite a while. He could say whatever he wanted about you… it was the words he had to say about Adam that kept your heart ablaze in anger at the Morningstar.

Trash? He should really look in the mirror before saying that about your Adam. But… this could be a good opportunity for the hotel -as much as it pained you to admit- You can only sigh, “fine.. for the hotel…” You let out a small chuckle raising your arm in defeat.

Charlie jumped up and down with glee, repeating a matra of ‘Thank You’s’ before continuing “I get it might be difficult since you’re an Angel.” She tries to give some comfort. But that caught your attention.

“Because I’m an Angel?” You honestly didn’t mean to say it out loud but it came out as a question.

She looks at you confused “yeah, you know, considering I don’t think angels have too kind of thoughts to my dad for being… the devil” she laughs nervously

Oh. Oh. So that’s what she means. So she doesn’t know about your past with him? Not too much a surprise, I doubt Lucifer would bring up any of his failures. But that also made you realize one other thing. Charlie doesn’t know about your marriage with Adam.

Look, you didn’t mean to keep it a secret. In fact you had already assumed they knew. I mean you were sitting literally right next to him and Vaggie already knew who you were. You just thought she would have told Charlie, but knowing this now… it may be best to keep it a secret.

You let out a quick “I understand.” and with that, you all went your separate ways, you did contribute to the decor the best you could, as well as helping Sir Pentious and Nifty with the baking until finally, it was time for Charlie’s dad to arrive.

You walked over to a more remote place in the hotel lobby, look… you may have to interact with him today but you will not be doing it that soon. Instead, you decided your best choice of action was to sit and watch quietly until Charlie decided it was time for you two to meet. And in the meantime, you can mentally brace yourself.

Charlie sighs deeply “Okay everybody, it’s showtime!”

With that she swings the door open revealing the one, the only (thank Father) king of hell himself, Lucifer. Immediately Lucifer pulls his, obviously nervous daughter into his arms. He greets her with excitement before moving on to Keekee, and eventually Razzle and Dazzle.

He eyes the room, clearly covering up any distain for the hotels “character” to protect Charlie’s feelings. At least until he got to the bar which even he couldn’t lie his way through.

Even from the distant view you were from, you could see Alastor and Lucifer weren't going to be the best of buds anytime soon. As soon as they were introduced to one another they immediately got into it. Huh, at least now you have something in common with Alastor at least! If that’s even a good thing.

Their quarrel lasted a few minutes, everyone either waiting for it to be over, completely ignoring it, or enjoying it as entertainment. It lasted what felt like an eternity and was only interrupted when a short and plump woman by the name of ‘Mimzy’ came into the scene.

The old time-y dressed woman was one of Alastor’s friends, you honestly didn’t think he had those but you digress. Eventually once the commotion dies down, you see Charlie give you a nervous smile and wave for you, ‘that’s my cue’ you thought. Anxiety still felt taught in your heart but still you pushed through.

You walk out of your hiding spot, walking up to be next to Charlie. Still trying to keep your presence hidden for as long as you could, savoring those last few moments of peace before a wave of interactions.

Charlie clears her throat and puts on a more professional demeanor despite her nervousness, getting the attention from her dad, “And last but certainly not least, i’d like you to meet our Angelic sponsor-“

“Y/N!?-“ the fallen Angel suddenly started coughing, clearly having choked on his own words. He clears his throat “Sorry! I just wasn’t expecting… you to be here” he lets out a chuckle.

“You guys know each other!?” Charlie looked shocked, her voice pitching up in bewilderment.

“We’ve… met before,.” Your voice was low, But still you pushed through “Though, it’s hardly relevant to anything of importance now. Isn’t that right, Morningstar?”

Lucifer's face contorted into an uncomfortable shaky smile, fingertips digging into his Apple-shaped cane. Perhaps he felt some type of remorse for the way things happened back all those years ago, but even if that’s true, you had no plans to forgive him.

He clears his throat “Yes it’s- unimportant Sweetie.. “

You 3 stand in awkward silence for a moment, all you can do is glare daggers at the short ex-Angel in front of you. Eventually though, you couldn’t stand the scilence any longer, “Well Charlie, I have to get something done in my room and I’ll be back to help with the tour in a few minutes, if that’s ok?”

Charlie looked like she wanted to protest, for you to stay with her through the tour, but she knew you wouldn’t just leave and not come back. “Um, yeah that’s fine! Me and Alastor can get the tour started and you can meet us around the 4th floor?”

You gave a quick nod as agreement and make your way to your room. Sighing, you flop down on your bed, feeling the soft warmth as you sink into comfort. Pulling out your phone, you quickly typing a text to Adam but your thumb simply hovered over the send button, anxiety washing over you. Your message was simple,

‘I promise that everything’s ok, but he’s here’’

You were hesitating, should you even tell him that he's here? You didn’t want to worry him over something so insignificant. He has a show tonight, he wouldn’t be at his best if he was constantly thinking you would be in the same room as the devil.

Or even worse, he could just cancel the show completely and march down here and a cause a ruckus which at best would completely destroy the Hotel’s plans and at worse… No, you can’t think of that.

You look at the message again before just setting your phone on your nightstand. 10 minutes… that’s all you need before you go back out there…

…Lucifer was having… let’s just say a tinsy bit of a bad day. Not only has he been forced to interact with that insufferable yellow-toothed sinner but also, he has been reunited with someone he hadn’t seen in a millenia, you.

The anxiety of the day was only topped off with the added stress of being with his daughter. Don’t get him wrong, he LOVES his daughter and is always happy to see her, but the way she talks and acts with these sinners… Ugh, it reminds him too much of himself back in the day.

Her hotel too… He may have given her the place but he never gave it much thought beyond it being a pipe dream for her. He was just trying to do something for his daughter, especially with… Lilith being out of the picture. He just wanted to cheer her up, and unfortunately it seems ‘grandiose plans’ run in the family.

Even now as Charlie and that Red haired Buck show him around, Charlie explains excitedly about different things they have at the hotel. It reminds Lucifer about how she was when she was little, that glow of joy never seemed to fade away from her despite the conditions she lives in.

But even still, as much as he’s trying not to zone out and actually listen to his daughters rambles, his mind keeps trailing back to one, singular thought. You.

What were you doing here? He knows you were there to ‘support the hotel’ as Charlie puts it. But this is the absolute first he’s hearing about it. Why wouldn’t heaven tell him that another Angel was down here, let alone, you most of all. The last time he saw you was… not the best first meeting

Were you here in secret? You clearly weren't fallen, considering you still had your halo and you didn’t look like you’ve been damaged anywhere close to what you’d be if you had fallen. Not to mention… Adam, the exterminations were his idea so why would you even consider an alternative when you are his-

“Uh, Dad?” Charlie interrupted Lucifer’s thoughts, a look of worry on her face. ”You’ve got a little bit of… horn? Sticking out”

Lucifer looks up and sees that he’s subconsciously beginning to phase into his full demon form. He quickly takes his hand and pats the horns as if he was just dusting off his coat, causing the horns to seem to fade away like dust. Wow, today really seems to be getting to him.

“Ah sorry Sweetie, it’s nothing just… uh..” He thinks for a moment, he has to talk to you alone, just for a second. “*Ahem* I was just realizing I had to… use the bathroom, I seem to have had one too many drinks on the way here. Can you tell me where the… bathroom is?” He lets out a chuckle to hopefully cover his lie.

“Oh, it’s just down the hall and to the right, I can take you there-“

Lucifer quickly lets out a loud ”No!“ Before clearing his through again “I can get there on my own, just wait here and I’ll be back!”

Before Charlie can even answer, Lucifer rushes through the halls of the hotel, yelling a ‘I’ll be back soon’ to his Daughter before turning the corner. He lets out a deep breath as he lays out the plan in his head. Figure out why you’re here, and get back to Charlie as fast as inhumanly possible.

Picking his feet up again, he makes his way to the lobby of the hotel, he looks around for a moment before spotting the check in desk. ‘They usually keep visitor information there, right?’

He quickly scours the desk, looking for any forms or documents that have your room number, before finally setting his eyes on your room number. It didn’t take long to find you seeing as there were such few occupants in the hotel.

He memorized your room and repeated it to himself while walking to your door. Past the first, 2nd, then finally, halfway through the hallway on the 3rd floor he finds it. Before he can knock, a sudden wave of worry floods his senses. Seriously, Why would he hesitate now?!

He shuffled around nervously, starting to doubt this little mission of his. Should he really be doing this? Is he really worried about you being here or is the real reason he came here because he wanted to… apologize to you? It’s true that the guilt of what happened all those years ago was still there. But… Digging up old memories just because he’s selfish and wants to apologize to you? He takes a deep breath.

He had to make things better or… at least get some things off his chest. So, with a heavy fist and an even heavier heart, he gently knocks on the hard wooden door…

This had been the longest 10 minutes of your life, trying to decide wether to send Adam the message, or to even return to tour with Charlie at all. As much as it pains you to say, you still become anxiety ridden when he’s in the room or even the mere mention of him. That spark of defiance you had in the lobby earlier being nothing but a small bit of courage. But you remembered that you had promised Charlie you’d be there for her, and you certainly weren’t one to take back a promise.

Before you could decide what to do, you hear an ever so faint knock on your door. Curiosity peaked, You thought Charlie was supposed to be waiting for you on the 4th floor? Had you taken too long and the tour went south? You quickly made your way to the door and hoped you wouldn’t see a very angry Charlie on the other side.

As the wooden-door creaked open, your face slowly turned bitter at The short, impish man who stood on the other side. Lucifer Morningstar. To be honest, you much would have preferred the angry Charlie, TWO very angry Charlies over this.

The man shuffled awkwardly in place, gripping his cane. Neither of you could break the silence . He avoided any eye-contact with you and even you couldn’t hide The disgusted expression on your face when looking at him. Finally after what feels like 3x the eternity you’ve lived thus far, you spoke In shaky words, ”What do you want?”

Lucifer pushed out his words as well as he could, meek they were, but you understood what he said “Can we please…talk?”

Your fingers gripped at the door, nails embedding into the wood, leaving scratches. It took all you had not to slam the door right in his face, but even if you had, it wouldn’t have solved any pressing issues. If anything, it might make him against Charlie’s idea with the hotel, which you couldn’t afford. You take a deep breath before letting out a quick but unsavory,

“5 minutes”

The short demon shuffles his way into the room as you follow in behind him, locking the door to prevent someone like Nifty or Charlie from walking in. Lucifer stands timidly by your nightstand as you stand on the complete opposite side of the room, facing him. Lucifer runs his neck as he lets out a shaky sigh “I just want to know what you’re doing here…” he pauses, he looks like he has more to say but decided not to.

You can only laugh to yourself “I’m here because I believe I think Charlie’s idea has potential to be great. The exterminations, they have to end… that’s why I’m here”

Lucifer seem a bit… surprised? Surprised with your stance on the exterminations. you figured he needed more than that so you continue “I… I’ve never been one for the exterminations. I've been against them from the start. I just didn't know what else to do. Nothing else seemed…right.“

He stayed silent, processing what you told him. He really didn’t understand you, he had a completely warped view of you. “If that’s all you wanted to know I’d rather you take your leave-“

“No!” You step back at the sudden raise in voice but he quickly clears his throat “No, there’s another thing. I would… I’d like to apologize to you about how things went… when we first met.”

You stared at him, the silence once again feeling the air. You didn’t dare break it, you watched as the impish man looked around with anxiety, trying to find the right words. “It’s always been there, in the back of my mind. How we- I, treated you. It was unacceptable… Lilith kept telling me to let it go, that she was done thinking about it, but I just couldn’t.” He takes a deep breath “so, I’m so sorry for hurting you, Y/n…”

Lucifer Morningstar. The man in front of you looked more akin to a puddle than a person at this point. Sweat dripped from his face, a scrunched mouth filled with a sour taste. He wasn’t looking at you, focusing his attention to the ground. Finally, after many long seconds later. You step forward, grabbing his attention.

“As much as I appreciate the apology, I don’t forgive you.” Lucifer began to speak or at least say he understood but no matter what his reaction was going to be, you interrupted him ‘“-I don’t forgive you, because I’m not the one who deserves it”

To that, Lucifer's head was struck with confusion, “what do you mean?” He tried to make sense of your words, shifting eyes looking around in unease before landing on a framed photo of a candlelit man, an old and forgotten, yet familiar smile on his face… ”You mean… Adam?” Despite his best efforts around you, saying the first man’s name still dripped his words with venom. That same sour taste filling his mouth at the mere mention of him. ”What does-” he stops himself, he knows why.

You breathe in slowly, “What you said to me, all of those years ago, hasn’t meant anything to me in a long time. I’ve gotten through it 10x over and finally understand that I am more than those words” you take another step towards him, closing the gap, “so… there's no use for your apology to me. But Adam… you’ve hurt him more than you couldn’t possibly imagine“

The room was filled with dense air, like any sudden move could kill the king of hell or even you at any second but still you continue. “Adam deserved so much better than what he was forced to have from you, so if anyone deserves your apology, it’s him.” He goes to speak but you shut him down again “but we all know that you are too prideful to do so, and Adam… he’s too stubborn to hear it”

You don’t yell, scream, all of your words coming soft from your lips “So… what you’re going to do, if you truly mean what you say. You will go back to your daughter, forget this conversation ever happened, then you can march back to your big castle with your Loving wife, and leave us be, for the rest of eternity.”

With that, you step away from him, words that have been bubbling inside you for centuries finally having been let out. It felt like several hundred pounds had been lifted off of you. You begin to walk to the door to let him out, wanting the conversation to be over, When you hear him speak a faint ”Ex-Wife actually”

You pause, your teeth already biting your tongue. Honestly, if you really thought about it, it was poetic. The Angel who ruined two marriages, leaving Adam nothing but a broken heart and baggage, ended up with a failed marriage himself.

But even still, you still felt a slight pain of pity for him. Through clenched teeth you let out ”I'm… sorry to hear that. It must be hard.”

This kind of thing, no matter the person, is always tough. You knew the aftermath of it through Adam, even now he struggles with so many issues from it. In that regard, you felt pity for the ruler of hell, but the rest of you felt… glad? Glad that he finally understands just a thorn of the pain he inflicted on Adam.

“The 5 minutes are up so… go now… please.” Your voice shakes near the end, your will power for everything you’ve done starting to break. Lucifer looked equally as defeated, you could tell he wanted to say more but he just nodded his head before walking out the door. slowly, silently, you close the door back before sliding down it as your legs give out.

You wanted to cry, scream, do anything but sit there, but you couldn’t. Your voice hurts from talking, your feet hurt from standing, everything just… hurts.

DING DING DING

A luminous yellow light follows the sound, you lifted your head and saw your phone on your nightstand. Adam… You used all of your strength to make it to your bed, practically having to crawl to avoid any more tiredness in your aching body. You finally land on the soft mattress to pick up your phone, seeing the plethora of messages from Adam.

DIXKMASTER69

Yo Bitch, everything good??

You’ve been typing for like 10 minutes

Answer me

Hellllloooooo??????

Oh, that’s why he was texting. You had completely forgotten your half written message you were debating on sending earlier. You start to delete it and rewrite it when suddenly,

INCOMING CALL FROM DIXKMASTER69

You sigh at the screen, your phone vibration sends chills through your aching arms, it acts as a lifeline for you not to fall asleep on the soft plush beneath you. You press the answer button.

‘Fuck Babe, finally! Are you ok?!” Adam’s voice sounded angry but you know he was just worried “you’ve been texting for like 15 minutes”

“Yeah, don’t worry Adam, I... must have fallen asleep while trying to message you”

“It’s 12 in the afternoon, you dont normally fall asleep in the middle of the day” Adam questions, his voice having obvious worry for you.

“Today’s just been very tiring. But I promise I’m fine, it’s just happened a lot today.” You hated lying to him, your other half, but you know this is something that he shouldn’t have to worry about.

You hear him groan, “how many times do I have to fuckin’ tell you not to overwork yourself for those sinners”

“I know, I’m sorry” you pause “I… I have to go now but I promise I’ll call you later, yeah?“

He was quiet on the other side before he lets out “Yeah, just don’t overdo yourself ok?” His voice was soft, no hint of sarcasm or anger, just him.

You let out a small breathy laugh “I promise. Have fun at your show tonight. Talk to you later, love you.”

“Love you too”

CLICK

You sigh to yourself, you still have the tour to do. It’s fine, everything is fine.

Tomorrow will be a better day. it has to be.

-

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(I really hope I didn’t forget anyone if I did, just asked to be added in the comments!!)

Shoutout to these specific asked as well, love you all <3

[hollowed-theory-hall]

hi! i hope you're well! i saw a post recently about how much dumber the trio is compared to the marauders and they cited the marauders being able to be animagi, regulus finding out about the horcrux before everyone, snape correcting the textbook and making spells, etc, compared to the trio (especially harry) and how harry had to begin DA by teaching expelliarmus, how harry isn't very powerful etc which is blatant mischaracterisation (sorry if im ranting a little, im a little hurt for my boy loll).

anyway, they were saying how this is because of the hogwarts education system and it declined under dumbledore who was more interested in politics than running a school, which i found interesting. i do see where they were coming from, especially with so many subjects closing down over the years, with now only 12 owl subjects. i wonder if it's some sort of repression.

i was curious to see if you thought the education system at hogwarts has declined over the years dumbledore has been headmaster and if you think the marauders generation was smarter than the golden trio's generation.

Hi!

So, I'm not going to rant about Harry being super magically powerful here, since I already made this rant multiple times, so I'm going to focus on Hogwarts education.

The first claim I want to dispel is that the education at Hogwarts declined drastically under Dumbledore between the two generations. The main reason this point doesn't make sense is that Dumbledore became headmaster in the mid-60s (before Voldemort came to his interview in 1967), enough time before the Mauradres started school at 1971 that most major changes from changing the headmaster would've already happened. (That being said, 12 subjects was the standard also when Tom Riddle was at school, the subjects at Hogwarts haven't changed for a good century at least and have nothing to do with Dumbledore).

If we take a look at the faculty of Hogwarts, we actually see Dumbledore employed many of the same professors in the Mauraders generation and the Golden Trio's generation (At least for most core subjects):

Minerva McGonagall taught the Mauraders. Any transfiguration (becoming animagi) they learned beyond the classes she taught the Golden Trio were done via self-study on the Mauraders' part:

“Precisely,” said Professor McGonagall. “Black and Potter. Ringleaders of their little gang. Both very bright, of course — exceptionally bright, in fact — but I don’t think we’ve ever had such a pair of troublemakers —”

(PoA, Ch10)

Her curriculum likely hadn't changed in these years. It's just, like the Golden Trio, the Mauraders did a lot of self-studying beyond the curriculum.

Filius Flitwick in that same conversation in PoA mentions teaching the Mauraders as well:

“You’d have thought Black and Potter were brothers!” chimed in Professor Flitwick. “Inseparable!”

(PoA, Ch10)

Reberus Hagrid was already working at Hogwarts as the Groundskeeper and knew the Mauraders when they were students:

“I dunno,” chuckled Hagrid. “Fred and George Weasley could give ’em a run fer their money.”

(PoA, Ch10)

Cuthbert Binns had been teaching History of Magic way before Dumbledore started as a student at Hogwarts. That subject was always shit and it's nothing new.

As you can see, many of the core faculty are the same. There were some different professors though.

It's likely Professor Grubby-Plank was the one who thought the Mauradres Care of Magical Creatures, if they took the subject, and she's clearly an accomplished teacher. But Dumbledore brings her on to teach the trio when Hagrid can't, it's not exactly that his standards of education changed, it's just that he has different priorities (which I will get to).

(Edit: @roserainier pointed out Silvanus Kettleborn was the Care of Magical teacher since headmaster Dippett and until 1993. In Tales of Beedle the Bard, it's mentioned that Dippett considered Kettleborn incredibly reckless, which he was considering he enlarged Ashwinders and let them loose to explode around students and went on prohibition 62 times. So, really, Hagrid is pretty much the standard Care teacher Hogwarts employees it seems and Dumbledore isn't endangering the students of that class more than Dippett did).

Slughorn was replaced by Snape. While Snape is an asshole, he is a very accomplished potioneer, who, as you said, corrected the textbook Slughorn still uses (meaning Dumbledore hired a better potioneer to teach the subject in Harry's time). And Snape has many faults, but he is fair in his grading for most students (Hermione gets mostly 'O's in Potions).

Trawlany is a professor Dumbledore is keeping around for her safety and skills in divination, not for her teaching ability. So, she's a bit of an exception. That being said, Dumbledore wanted to cancel the subject entirely before she convinced him Divination is real, so, I kinda get it. I mean, he knows she is a real seer.

While we don't know much about the rest of the faculty, it appears nothing dramatic is happening in Arithmancy or Study of Ancient Runes since Hermione is quite happy with the standard there.

Muggle Studies is implied to be kinda shit, but it's likely it was that way in the Mauraders' time too. It's mostly a lack of muggleborns who want to teach the subject and pure-bloods (half-bloods raised in the wizarding world) have no idea what they are talking about. I mean, Arthur Weasley 100% took the subject when he was in school (under Headmaster Dippett) and yet he doesn't really understand muggle inventions or money. The fact Hermione doesn't complain that Muggle Studies is a sham like Divination implies Burbage probably knows more about muggles than whoever taught the subject to Arthur.

Dumbledore didn't change the standard of education or school policies between the Mauraders' generation and the Golden Trio's. at least not by much. Hogwarts was always kinda crap as a school and if I was a witch in the UK, I'd probably homeschool my children regardless of the headmaster.

I will say Dumbledore did do some changes compared to the time Arthur and Molly went to school though, as they started Hogwarts when Dippett was still the headmaster. But these changes didn't seem to change the subjects Hogwarts offers, or the standard of education there. Among them was one major improvement to Hogwarts compared to Dippett:

Dumbledore outlawed corporal punishment against students.

As we know when Arthur and Molly were in school, corporal punishment was still a thing:

Mrs. Weasley grinned, her eyes twinkling. “Your father and I had been for a nighttime stroll,” she said. “He got caught by Apollyon Pringle — he was the caretaker in those days — your father’s still got the marks.”

(GoF, Ch31)

So the caretaker before Filch did get to whip/cane students (unclear exactly what he did) like Filch wishes he could.

Now, I mentioned I'd come back to the DADA situation and Dumbledore's different priorities. We'll start with DADA since that's easier to explain:

In 1967, following his interview, Voldemort cursed the DADA position so no teacher could keep it for more than a year. So, when the Mauraders go to school, it was still the early years of the curse, meaning Dumbledore had an easier time finding qualified Defence professors. By the time Harry starts school in 1991, Dumbledore had to go through about 24 Defence professors (likely a bit more), so he's scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to Defence professors due to circumstances.

Additionally, since the rumor of the curse has spread, many possible DADA professor candidates might be apprehensive about taking the job. Again, this limits Dumbledore's pool of possible teachers.

Now, even if he was limited, he had options that would've been better than Lockhart and Umbridge (basically anyone would be better. The ghoul in the Weasley's attic would've been better). And these two choices have to do with Dumbledore's priorities, as you mentioned.

While Harry's in school, Dumbledore's first priority isn't student safety or education — it's to prepare Harry to face Voldemort. His employment choices (Hagrid, Lockhart, Umbridge (choosing not to find a professor though the real Moody was right there!)) were all meant to teach Harry something valuable. They were for Harry's sake, not anyone else's. Dumbledore actively made subpar hiring choices knowing he was sacrificing students' safety and education. His first priority is Voldemort's return and to prepare Harry for it.

He is, after all, the same guy who let Draco run around harming, and almost killing multiple students in HBP because it served his plan for Voldemort. This man is a general first and an educator second, and any declines in the education at Hogwarts are due to that. But I wouldn't call it political, per se, it's more about Harry and Voldemort specifically. He's not actively making education worse because of malicious political intent, but he sees it as his duty to make sure Harry would face Voldemort. It's much more targeted, I think.

I will also note, that the effects of these priorities are mostly contained to the DADA position, most other core subjects (Charms, Transfiguration, History, Herbology, and Astronomy) are basically the same. Care and Divination do suffer a decline too due to the staff (that were chosen not for politics, but to protect and keep the teachers close at hand), but Potions was improved, education standard-wise at least.

McGonagall and Flitwick make another point regarding the decline that comes from Harry being at school:

“I should think not,” said Professor McGonagall sharply. “How are we supposed to teach with those horrors floating around?” “Hear, hear!” squeaked tiny Professor Flitwick, whose feet were dangling a foot from the ground.

(PoA, Ch10)

When Harry's at school, things are way more hectic and tense than they are in the Maruarders' times (in part because Harry's there). This affects the teachers' ability to teach and students' ability to learn.

Ron, Hermione, and Harry (especially the latter two) are actually quite advanced compared to their year because of all the extra studying they put in for the various mysteries they've got going on. Patronus, protego, protean, etc. are all charms the trio practices way before they are taught by the Hogwarts curriculum. The Mauraders are similar. Becoming animagi is not part of the Hogwarts curriculum. Making the map is not part of the curriculum. Both groups are brilliant, but they focus on very different things due to their drastically different situations.

The Mauraders become animagi to help Remus. They made the map to play pranks and have fun.

The trio, learned most of the spells they knew beyond the curriculum to protect themselves. Hermione learned the Protean Charm to make the D.A. coins and Harry learned Patronus and Protego to defend himself and others. The trio started fighting a war way younger than the Mauraders, so the extracurricular stuff they study is more oriented towards what they need, rather than to have fun.

I will note in general, that I don't think there's that big of a difference between the generations for most subjects (which are the same 12 subjects). I'd say the average student in Harry's time isn't worse in any subject (apart from DADA, perhaps) than the average student in the Mauraders' times. It's just that many of the main characters we hear about (such as Harry, Hermione, Lily, Severus, James, and Sirius) are not the average student. They are way above the average and considered exceptional by their various teachers. While characters like Ron, Remus, and Regulus are closer to the average, they are still above/the higher end of the average. So none of them is exactly an example of the standard.

I mean, think how many main characters we had at the Slug Club due to their skills, it just goes to show how exceptional they are. The average student can't exactly be measured according to the outliers.

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

i cherish you, halcyon days (gojou satoru x reader)

“you’re gonna die, kid. in the worst way possible. but because i like you so much, i’ll let you ask three questions about it.” you’re 15 years old when you’re told you’re going to die. you’re 17 when you realize who your killer will be. and you’re a day away from turning 19 when you make peace with the fact you wouldn’t want it any other way.

tags: gn!reader, annoyance to friends to lovers, you and gojou share a birthday month and you're not amused, it's canon that jujutsu school curriculum last 4 years so don't say nothin' when i mention 4th year students, now a multi-chaptered fic read here

[2005. Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College ー 1st year]

Do you like Gojou Satoru?

If someone were to ask you that, you would have to answer ‘no’. You’d answer ‘no’ even if no one asked. Gojou Satoru is impossible for you to like from his stupid sunglasses to his shit-eating grins. Even worse is his arrogance. It’s only an additional sprinkle of salt in the wound when you found out later in the year that he was rich, part of some big name clan in the world of jujutsu you yourself were only scouted into.

I don’t like him at all.

You’re the odd man out in your class, though. Despite your less than stellar review of the boy, your classmates, Suguru and Shoko, got along just fine with him.

To spite you even further, it seemed the universe enjoyed pinning the two of you together as well.

It wasn’t enough for the universe to have you both in the same school, year and class. No, you even shared a birthday month.

Gojou’s December 7th to your December 9th.

The week of your shared births, Gojou was especially intolerable. “You’re the baby of the class,” he’d taunt gleefully like he wasn’t only two days older than you. 

To cut on time and effort, your teacher and classmates decided that from 1st year on, December 8th would be the day both of your birthdays were celebrated. And thus, December 8th was 'Satoru and [First] Day'. Your cake was his cake and present unwrapping was a joint activity.

By the gods, I wanna punch him so much.

At the very least, you can rest easy in knowing the fact that the feelings of dislike are mutual.

Gojou Satoru is strong, it’s an irrefutable fact no matter how much you’d like to deny it. He’s strong and in turn, the strong are the only ones Gojou respects. You apparently don’t make the cut.

And that’s fine. Strength came in all sorts of ways. You disliked Gojou Satoru but you could live with the fact that, at the very least, you were going to be stuck together for four years. Because even if he was strong, life sometimes paid you back with small moments of grace where someone put the golden boy of the Gojou Clan in his place.

You thought it was one of those days when you met Takamatsu Akira. It was a week before your birthday when he told you were going to die.

You raise an eyebrow at the unfamiliar name, “who?” It’s lunch at Jujutsu Tech and you’re eating with your classmates when Shoko name dropped a person you never heard of. “Never heard of ‘em.”

“He’s a sorcerer that can see glimpses of a person’s future when he looks at them,” Suguru answers in her stead over a sip of his oi ocha. “He’s apparently at the school today for some sort of meeting.

"Hands off the goods," your eyes widen in amazement as you quickly smack away Gojou’s hand from your lunch. “Really? And it’s all accurate too?”

“He’s a major asshole, though,” the white-haired boy hisses with a pout. You roll your eyes. I’m not sure how reliable your words are if you of all people are calling someone an asshole. Your incredulousness must show on your face because Gojou’s next words are, “seriously! He only tells people he thinks have interesting futures anything about it.”

“And?”

“Satoru’s just mad because apparently his future isn’t interesting,” Suguru smirks, smugly welcoming his best friend’s unamused side eye. “He told me about mine though.”

You bite back a snort when your curiosity to know Suguru's fortune wins. “What did he say about it?”

Suguru touched his chin thoughtfully, recalling back the day he met the seer. “He said that one day I’ll be stuck at a crossroads between two paths and make a life changing decision,” he pauses dramatically and you lean forward in anticipation. “That’s all he told me though.”

Damn it.

The brown-eyed boy chuckles but he shoots you a look of amused sympathy, “he never really tells you too much about it apparently. I was disappointed too.”

“Did he ever tell you anything about your future, Shoko?” You ask your class’ resident slacker.

Shoko shook her head, bob gently moving with her. “I’m one of the boring ones too,” she says with a lazy wave of her hand. “Like Gojou.”

“Don’t worry, my friends,” Suguru places a hand over his chest and bows with far too much grace and humility. “I alone will shoulder the burden of having an interesting future. Unlike Satoru.”

You choke, unable to stop yourself from chortling this time. Whatever Gojou sputters in his self-defense, you don’t hear it over the sound of your own laughter. “Maybe he’ll tell me about my future too,” you sigh when your giggles subside. You sincerely doubt it, but it’s fun to think about the possibilities. I want an interesting life plot twist, like the reveal I’m actually a long-lost member of some royal family he just won’t tell me which one.

“He’ll probably stop by because you’re here,” Shoko rests her chin on her palm. You were the newest in your class, starting a month later than the rest. “He likes seeing if new students will have interesting futures ahead of them.”

“Don’t get too excited, [First],” Gojou quickly rains on your parade with a lot of arrogance for someone whose future is apparently so boring a seer won’t even talk to him about it. “I’m the most interesting person in this place and he won’t even talk to me. So who knows what sort of reaction you’ll get.”

“Oh quit being bitter that your future is gonna be boring, asshole,” before any other quips and gripes can be exchanged, the class door slides open abruptly. You look over with a start, wondering if it’s your teacher when you see it isn’t. The man is a bit younger than Yaga but his hair is already graying and his eyes are a deep green reminiscent of pine trees. You have a feeling you already know who it is and grin. “You wouldn’t happen to be Takamatsu Akira, would you? Gojou here was telling me about his boring future soー” you stop yourself with a shudder when you blinked and realized that man was in front of your face and much too close for comfort.

“Now that is something,” the man blinks owlishly, eyes almost glowing in his amazement.

Your discomfort flies away faster than a seagull with someone else’s lunch, “really?”

The man leans back with a grin and a snap of his fingers, “really, really.”

With that you look at Gojou and stick out your tongue and he sticks his tongue in return. 

[First] 1, Gojou 0. 

Suguru chuckles and Shoko grins and all the while, Gojou Satoru flicks your forehead too quickly for you to react. “Look, hater, it isn’t my fault that your future’s boring, quit trying to rain on my parade,” you snicker, batting your eyelashes. “Mr. Takamatsu, I’d really appreciate it if you could tell me about my future if you don’t mind. Before the naysayers get more butthurt than they already are.”

“You’re gonna die, kid.” 

With four words, your blood freezes and you find yourself blinking once, twice slowly. It’s the matching looks of shock and surprise on your classmates' faces that tells you you heard Takamatsu correctly. Stiffly, you look back at the seer hoping for that revelation to be nothing but a joke, but instead you find yourself looking at a maniacal grin. That grin feels more like a knife in your gut. “In the worst way possible.”

The knife sinks deeper into your flesh, twisting.

“Hey,” out of the four of you, Gojou is the one who finds his voice first.

Takamatsu ignores the boy with snow white hair as if he’s nothing but a minor breeze, “But,” he beams like he’s only told you that he found a discount at the convenience store. “Because I like you so much, I’ll let you ask three questions about it.”

“O-okay,” you stammer almost instinctively. Like a zombie, you find yourself stumbling onto your feet and Takamatsu nods at the door. These answers will be for you and you alone. You aren’t sure what expression you wear on your face as you exit, nor the expressions of your peers. You can't bring yourself to look at them as you follow the future-seeing sorcerer into the halls of your school.

I’m going to die.

I’m going to die.

In the worst way possible.

It’s only once you’re relatively alone that the seer halts his walking in the middle of the hall to look at you. “Feel free to ask your questions,” he tells you. “Your classmates shouldn’t be able to hear, even if they keep looking out the door. So ask away,” he reassures you, waving his hand nonchalantly.

You glance to your left and sure enough there are three heads leaning out of the door, staring straight at you both. You can’t bring yourself to smile reassuringly before you return your gaze to the sorcerer in front of you.

Three questions.

Your first question can only be so obvious. “Howー how do I die?”

Takamatsu’s amusement is sapped from his face at that question. “Really?” He yawns with a shake of his head. “That’s what you’re going to ask? That’s quite boring.”

Boring? Boring?! It’s my life! “Yeah but-”

“You know what, fine,” Takamatsu sighs, crossing his arms. He recalls his vision in his mind for a moment before he opens his lips. “You’re going to be killed by someone precious to you. Ask me something more… riveting this time.”

You blink slowly.

You’re going to be killed by someone you care about.

When do I die?

Was it an accident?

On purpose?

Why would they want to kill me?

You don’t think those are questions Takamatsu will find intriguing in the slightest. In a panic, you ask the most original question that enters your brain. “Do I die… angry at them?” No. Fucking. Shit, me. “Wait, that was dumb don’t answer th-”

“Nope, it counts,” Takamatsu clicks his tongue. Maybe it’s payback for your first question being so predictable and unoriginal. “And my answer for that is no. Your heart will surprisingly bear no anger towards the person who kills you.” A revelation that shakes you to the core. “Well, one question left to go, kid. No more mess ups, I’ll take it even if it’s something as a dumb as a repeat question.”

“Okay, okay,” you exhale nervously, biting your lip. I need to think.

You know yourself.

You’re selfish at times, who isn’t? If it really came down to it though, you know you’d always put someone else’s life over your own. You can talk big, you can snort when you watch a movie and say ‘yeah sorry, they’d be stuck on their own. I’m not dying in a situation like that, I’d wanna go home’. But you know yourself enough to know that despite thinking it, your feet would inevitably turn towards the other person. Maybe you’d die in the end but you know you’d try your damnedest to get them out.

Why else would you put yourself on the line fighting curses?

But I’d like to think that in a life or death fight where it’s me or them, I’d choose me. You shake your head pushing the thought to the side. You almost forgot the most important detail. Your killer will be someone who matters to you. But I won’t be mad about it. If it was life or death, I’d choose me. I know that. Stranger on the street or a lifelong sworn enemy. And I know if I was killed by someone, I’d definitely be bitter about it. I’m not that forgiving.

Future you isn’t in agreement. Your eyes turn to the ground.

Is it a life or death fight situation or an accident? You open your mouth briefly before closing it again.

They’re precious to me.

They’re someone I care about.

But I won’t be angry.

I mustn’t have been trying that hard then, you wet your lips as a light bulb flickers deeply in the recesses of your mind. You couldn’t have been. How else could your future self’s lack of anger be justified? One day, there will be someone you care for so greatly that even in a life or death battle, you’d still choose them.

You raise your head to look into dark green eyes dancing with amusement, a grin accompanying them. The grin morphs from clear to distorted at the welling of tears in your eyes. I wasn’t trying. “I must really love this person, don’t I?”

Takamatsu's grin grows even wider, eyes flashing in pleasant surprise. “Yeah,” he leans against the wall, crossing his arms. “It seems like you do.”

Tears roll down your cheeks like streams into a river yet your arms hang loosely at your side. “That’s three questions then,” you murmur, throat constricting. You inhale slowly, hold your breath and release before wiping your eyes. “Thank you for answering my questions, Mr. Takamatsu. Lunch is gonna be over soon, so I’m gonna go finish eating now.”

You bow before turning on your heel back to your class, your classmates are still there. You don’t really care to receive their pity or empathy.

“I’m gonna die, it’s gonna suck and that’s all he really told me,” you say before anyone can ask. You bite into your egg harshly.

.

It’s hours after classes have ended for the day and you’re cooking in the communal kitchen when you see Gojou again. 

“Hey,” Gojou says and his tone is so serious it startles you. You set your knife down on the cutting board before looking at him. His face doesn’t seem right to you and it dawns on you a second later it’s because he’s frowning and it’s not the usual childish frown you’re used to seeing. “Don’t take what that guy said seriously. Like I said, he’s an asshole. He was probably saying all of that to freak you out.” There’s a pause and Gojou scratches the back of his head, looking uncomfortable in his skin. “So don’t, like, cry about it. Takamatsu’s a prick.”

“Are you,” you squint, looking Gojou over suspiciously. “Trying to make me feel better or something in your own weird Gojou way?”

“Someone has to make sure the class baby isn’t drowning in their sorrows,” Gojou returns to his usual brand of cocky, with a grin. His sunglasses slide down, revealing playful eyes.

“I don’t want the comfort then,” you roll your eyes and return to chopping your vegetables. “Besides, I don’t need it anyways, I’m strong”

“Eeeeh.”

Asshole.

“There’s different kinds of strong, you jackass,” you argue for argument’s sake. You vaguely notice that in spite of your annoyance, your shoulders aren’t stiff and your jaw is loose. Apparently Gojou is good for something, after all. “Strong looks different for different people. A kid is strong when they act tough after tripping. A grown man crying and being open with his emotions is strong,” you recount some of the ways you’ve seen people be strong in your life. You’ve witnessed strength in various ways in your 15 years of living. “... Even just living despite how hard it can be is strong.”

Save for the sound of you cutting green celery and the light simmer of the pan, silence falls over the two of you.

“What did you guys talk about when he said you could ask him questions?”

“... nothing important.”

[2006. Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College ー 2nd year]

You’re 16 and you’re still alive and kicking.

You’re an upperclassman now, not that it means anything when there are still two whole grades of jujutsu schooling ahead of you. Still, you welcome the newfound responsibilities and admiration you receive in going up a level. At least, one of your underclassmen seems to admire you. Haibara Yuu does, though you’re pretty sure he adores Suguru even more. Nanami Kento is nice though, albeit a bit reserved.

The three of them are like you, individuals scouted into the world of curses and sorcerers rather than born into it. It’s nice to know you’re not alone in that sense.

Even if they weren’t, however, you’re sure that Gojou’s presence would find a way to override any sort of 'being alone'. You can’t be alone when he’s around even if you want to.

Gojou is just as annoying as he was when you were first years, but he’s surprisingly more tolerable.

He still bothers you whenever he has the chance and he still refers to you as the ‘class baby’. You’d also be lying to yourself if you said his hubris has gone down since you first met. He’s just as smug as he’s always been but it’s a bit easier seeing the charm in it in your second year compared to your first.

So maybe ー in the absolute loosest sense of the word ー the two of you have become friends. Something like it at least.

This is why you don’t mind it when the boy plops his ass on your desk when you’re trying to read the recent volume of Fruits Basket to tell you about his newest feats he accomplished on his most recent mission. Nor do you mind it much when he follows you to the dorms to continue telling you what feels like an exaggerated tale, but you know Gojou’s abilities enough to know that 99% percent of it is true.

“So yeah,” he finishes with an air of satisfaction, nose pointing towards the sky with pride. “You could say that Suguru really didn’t even need to come, I pretty much crushed it by myself.”

You’re pretty sure if Suguru was here, Gojou would be in a headlock. “Better not let your bestie catch you saying that,” you warn playfully.

“Come on, [First],” Gojou beams broadly with no care in the world. “Isn’t this the part where you’re supposed to praise me?”

You shake your head in bemusement, smiling lightly. “I can admit it, I’m impressed,” your words are genuine. With all the blessings he has in the world, being strong is the standard for your classmate. He’s a natural talent to boot. Yet for all his nonchalance, you can give credit where credit is due. The guy works hard to perfect his techniques and he’s a perpetual motion machine when it comes to improvement. “Good job, Gojou, you’ve worked really hard. I’m happy you’re seeing the payoff.”

It takes you a second to realize that you’re walking by yourself and you turn around, eyebrow quirked. “What’s up?” Gojou doesn’t respond immediately and you have no idea what his eyes look like beneath the sunglasses. “Hey are you alright?”

The boy comes to at your prodding, sauntering after you lazily, “nothing, nothing,” Gojou replies smoothly with a grin. “I am pretty great, huh?”

“Don’t ruin the moment, Gojou,” you give him a light shove that barely moves him an inch. Geez he’s a giant, you won’t be surprised if in the future he’s taller than even Yaga.

“Since I’m working so hard, do you think you could make me a congratulatory lunch tomorrow?” You’re pretty sure he isn’t serious. Or at the very least you’re sure Gojou expects your answer to be negative. You never cook for him, the closest he ever gets is pilfering samples of it before you chase him out of the kitchen. “Just ki-”

“Sure, what do you want?”

With near comedic timing, Gojou’s shades slide down the bridge of his nose and his eyes are wide in astonishment. “Seriously?”

Your grin widens, “I can change my mind if you-”

“No, no, no! No take backs allowed, [First]!” Gojou covers your mouth with a large palm. “I’m putting in my special requests!”

You move his hand from your mouth with a sage nod, “then please make your requests, young pupil, I’ll prepare you a feast of feasts!” Gojou opens his mouth promptly, giddy. “Within reason.”

You snicker when he whines about the unfairness of your new stipulations.

It takes a week before lunch becomes dinner too.

Gojou’s nice sometimes, you can admit.

And maybe you can also admit that you are ー in more than the loosest sense of the word ー actually friends. A friend whose status as a special grade sorcerer is something  you can be proud of rather than annoyed by. He’s reckless and sometimes that recklessness gets him in trouble, but still you enjoy his company when you have it. Even if sometimes he gets you in trouble because of his shenanigans. Or even when he is annoying Utahime whom he is presently taunting in favor of saying her partner for this mission is stronger than she is.

“Mei Mei,” you wave your fingers daintily at the strong partner in question. “Finally gonna let me take you out some time?” You’re mostly joking. 5% at least. Beautiful as she is, Mei Mei isn’t really your type.

The blue-haired sorcerer laughs lightly, crossing her arms, “I’ll have to warn you that my dinners aren’t cheap.”

“Worry not, I’m an amazing cook,” you’re barely able to wink in the money-loving sorcerer’s direction when Gojou’s lanky arm is thrown over your shoulder and he saunters over to a distressed Utahime. “What the heck!”

“Check out how the path Utahime walked on is falling apart,” Gojou snickers.

“Oh shut up,” Suguru looks far too pleased to actually mean his words though.

For Utahime’s sake, you fight back the urge to giggle at their tomfoolery. You like Utahime, you bonded in your first year over finding Gojou Satoru’s presence an annoyance. You’ve sadly, however, become a bit of a traitor to your Hating Gojou Alliance, much to her dismay when you confessed months prior that you and Gojou had become chill.

“By the way,” Mei Mei brings the conversation back to a reasonable plane. “Where’s the veil?”

Gojou’s nice sometimes, you can admit. And maybe you can also admit that you are ー in more than the loosest sense of the word ー actually friends. A friend you can be proud of. A friend whose company you enjoy even if sometimes he gets you in trouble because of his shenanigans.

Like the fact you somehow forgot to put up the veil?! How the hell do you forget to put up the veil?! Nevermind the fact you technically forgot too, Gojou was the one who said he’d put it up. That’s why you have no problem pointing in his direction when Yaga sternly asks who was the Forget Futaba in your band.

“Is a veil that necessary in the first place,” Gojou whines in the gym later in the afternoon. “It’s not like it matters if normies see or not, right? They can’t see cursed spirits or cursed techniques anyway.”

“Pretty sure it’s for the best that normal people don’t start seeing spontaneously exploding buildings on the regular, Gojou,” you watch with an impressed whistle at how your classmate tosses a basketball effortlessly to a hoop. You’re sure if Suguru hadn’t stopped it, the ball would have been a perfect three pointer.

“Of course it’s not good for them to see,” Suguru affirms your words resolutely. “The strongest deterrent against the outbreak of cursed spirits is the mental calm of the populace.” It becomes a battle of the philosophies when Gojou steals the ball back with finesse.

“Looking out for the weak is so exhausting, honestly,” Gojou sighs and Suguru shoots back with narrowed eyes 'Survival of the Weakest'. “Assigning reasons and responsibility to strength is what those who are weak do.”

Should we…? You glance at Shoko.

Yeah, we probably should. The brunette glances back.

“Time to dip,” Shoko sprints out of the gymnasium faster than you’ve ever seen her.

“I’ve got a pretty wild date with Battle Royale right now,” you skip after her in a hurry right as Suguru summons one of his cursed spirits like it's a pokemon.

The next time you see Gojou, he knocks and enters your room when you go ‘huh?’ “Yo, I’ve got a mission.”

“Already?” You raise an eyebrow. “We just got back from the Mei Mei and Utahime thing.”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “ Teach says we have to protect the star plasma vessel.”

“That information got leaked?”

“Wait, you know what the star plasma vessel is?”

“Tengen stuff is, like, the bare minimum of stuff we should have learned about in first year, Gojou.”

“... anyways, Suguru and I are heading out early tomorrow,” he says, like what you told him moments prior wasn’t anything important.

You smile with pride, “well, that’s a pretty big mission for a couple of students to have,” it really is, honestly. If anything, that’s something you think the adults should have. It’s pretty cool that two of your classmates were chosen for it. “That’s cool. You should be really proud of yourself, Gojou.”

Your words get his lips to morph into a smile a bit more authentic and veritable than his usual smug grins and confident jeers. “I am pretty cool, huh?”

You roll your eyes in good fun before looking at your book again. Your favorite character's dead but you at least wanna see who gets off this shitty island. “Y’all not still fighting about earlier are you?”

“Nah, we’re over it,” Gojou sits at a chair by your bedside desk, swirling in it. “It’s whatever in the end. Suguru can believe whatever he wants.” A silence somewhere between comfortable but hesitant falls over you briefly before Gojou asks, “you believe that stuff he was saying too?”

“Dunno, you’re probably asking the wrong person,” you turn the page with a shrug. It’s been nearly a year since you met Takamatsu Akira. Nearly a year since you were told someone you loved would kill you in the worst way possible and yet you’d have no anger in your heart about it. The future is technically always changing. It’s never stagnant. If you wanted, you could take what the seer said to heart and run with your tail between your legs. Yet here you were, laid on your stomach reading Battle Royale in your room located in Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College instead of elsewhere; living in perpetual paranoia about any relationship you have. “The weak’s the majority, they need protection. It should be the duty of the strong to protect them. But… I can also get the exhaustion. If you’re the strongest, who’s gonna protect you then?”

You close your mouth and purse your lips thoughtfully and vaguely you find it a bit amazing that Gojou hasn’t made any sort of quip yet.

“But… I guess I probably align myself more with Suguru’s line of thinking,” you decide after a heartbeat. “I’m the one who’s gonna die in the most horrible way possible, remember? But here I am, still kickin’ it here with you guys. I should probably run while I have the chance, huh?”

“I already told you not to listen to that crap,” you look away from your book, surprised at the harshness in Gojou’s tone. Your eyes look into angry azure and you glance away just as quickly. “That guy’s a prick. There’s no point in listening to him. So quit worrying your pretty little head about that. You’re supposed to be strong, right?”

Your eyes skim over your book, not sure what else to settle your eyes on. “Yeah,” you whisper. “I’m pretty strong, I guess.”

That appears to be the right answer. “Exactly, so stop giving that stuff he said the time of day.”

You chuckle, “yeah you’re right, sorry,” ‘I’m always right’ Gojou says flippantly and you find your head shaking with a warmth settling in your chest. “Grab me a souvenir or two while you’re gone, Mr. Special Grade.”

“I’m not leaving Tokyo, you know,” Gojou tosses a crumpled piece of paper at your head. 

“So?” You toss the paper back, watching as it bounced off his infinity. Cheater. “Grab me something extra nice anyways! I deserve it as payback for cooking for you all the time, you eat like a horse.”

The mission goes horribly wrong.

Shoko tells you over a phone call that the mission went horribly wrong in all the worst ways. Suguru was injured. Gojou was dead.

Parts of campus look like it was hit by a tornado when you get there, out of breath, lungs screaming but you still push through it to get Suguru’s room banging on the door. “Su-”

“Satoru’s okay,” is the first thing out of his mouth when he opens the door and your knees almost buckle in your relief. “He’s alive. He was injured but he’s alive. He’s in his room, right now.”

He’s okay.

He’s okay.

Your breath is shaky as you let your friend’s words permeate through your entire being. “That,” you lick your lips, holding yourself. “That’s good.” It’s all you can say although it doesn’t encompass even a tenth of the emotion you feel. “I’m glad you’re both alright.” The quiet is almost deafening; what do you say to ease the hurt when the mission went wrong in every way it could have? “I’m gonna start cooking in an hour or two. I’ll bring you something to eat later, any requests?”

“It’s okay,” Suguru’s smile is small but polite. “I’m not that hungry. Maybe Satoru’ll eat something.” The door closes promptly before you can ask if your friend is sure he doesn’t want anything. I’ll check on you again later, I promise.

Your nerves are frazzled when your eyes sweep over to the door that leads to Gojou’s room, hardly able to make yourself move towards it.

“He was injured but he’s alive.”

How injured is injured?

Has he gone to see Shoko?

“Gojou?” Your knock is barely audible.

You knock once more with a soft confidence.

“Satoru?” Your voice falters, just above being a whisper. “Hey, it’s me. I know you probably don’t want to talk right now but I just want you to know I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. If you wanna talk, I’m just down the hall, okay?” You pause, ears straining to hear anything on the other side of the door. You’re met with silence. “Get some rest. I’ll bring you dinner later, alright?”

With a sigh, you turn around to go to your room only for your heart to leap out of your chest when you realize someone is already in it. You jump, clutching your chest when you realize it’s Satoru, sitting on your bed with his back slumped against the wall.

He looks like hell and impossibly small wrapped in your blanket. Russet stains his white locks that are even messier than usual and his eyes have a chilling emptiness to them. He doesn’t meet your eyes, you aren’t sure if he has the will to. You don’t have the will to say anything despite the thoughts running through your head.

Wordlessly, Satoru raises the blanket in an invitation. Like he’s welcoming you through a barrier.

So wordlessly, you sit on your bed and nestle beside him. You don’t mind the scent of sweat, blood and dirt. Nor do you mind when the tall and lanky teen slumps against your side, resting his head atop yours. You simply find his hand and brush your fingers together, feeling the roughness of his callouses, before twining your fingers with his.

You clutch each other’s hands almost painfully.

[2007. Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College ー 3rd year]

It’s you, isn’t it?

You realize that one day Satoru is going to kill you on a rainy night in December in your room laying on your bed. The two of you had taken to sharing a space on nights you felt lonely since you were 16 and the star plasma vessel mission went wrong in every way possible. Last week, you both turned 18.

Another year has past and you're still alive and kicking.

You’re facing each other, your head resting on your hand with your elbow angled to keep your head up.

“You won’t leave too, right?” Satoru asks softly, fingers messing with a stray string on your shirt.

Suguru’s gone. So is Haibara.

Both are gone in different ways.

Death is what took Haibara, leaving Nanami Jujutsu Tech’s sole second year.

Suguru was swallowed in madness and disillusionment, defecting to accomplish a new goal of creating a world with only jujutsu sorcerers.

It stings, but you know Satoru is hurt the most.

“It’s unfortunate to tell you but you’re pretty much stuck with me, Satoru,” you give him a weak nudge with your free hand.

“Even though Takamatsu said you’re going to die?”

“We’re all gonna die someday,” you tell him easily. It’s you. You aren’t sure how you’re able to smile like you aren’t having the worst realization in the world but you smile. “Besides, you’re the one who said not to worry about that, right? Because I’m strong.”

“Yeah,” Satoru whispers. “You’re strong.”

“And you’re the strongest sorcerer in the world,” you remind him unnecessarily. It is an inherent fact of the world. Gojou Satoru, born only two days before you came into this world, shook the entire world when he was born.

“And because you’re the strongest, that’s why I have to stay with you,” you run your fingers through his hair gently. When is he going to do it? When is everything going to go wrong? You want to remember every feature he has before you one day have no choice but to leave them behind. “Who’s going to protect you otherwise?”

Satoru smiles for the first time that night, looking up at you almost dreamily from where he lays. “You’re gonna protect me?”

“Yeah,” you vow sincerely.

[2008. Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College ー 4th year]

“Happy birthday to us, happy birthday to us,” Satoru sings crudely while you roll your eyes. It’s technically neither of your birthdays. It’s the 8th, the one day mid-point between your birthdays. The Official ‘Satoru-[First]’ Birthday Bash Celebration. Contrast to your first year as a student at Jujutsu Tech, you find yourself in a more pleasant mood about it. “Happy birthday to the both of us, happy birthday to us!”

“Isn’t it a bit too early to sing,” you shake your head with a chuckle. 

“Early shmurly,” Satoru shrugs off your nonchalant concern like water off a duck’s back. You can’t bring yourself to scold him. “They throw us a surprise party every year. It’s not even a surprise if we know it’s coming. They always make us wait all day in class or tell us to leave campus though.”

“It’s part of the atmosphere, Satoru. Tradition!” You grin, giving his leg a light flick as he plops his ass right on top of your desk. “We gotta wait and act completely oblivious to everything until someone tells us to head to the dorms.”

It’s nice to see him smiling. It’s his second birthday without his best friend. A fact that will always resonate through your reality like ripples through the water.

“You’ll like my gift the best by the way,” you tell him with a self-assured confidence. 

“Funny, I was about to say that to you,” Satoru winks, leg swinging lazily. He’s not wearing his sunglasses for onceー they’re off to the side resting on the teacher’s podium. “Of course, my gifts are always the best.”

A comfortable silence fills the room and you close your eyes.

Tomorrow you turn 19 and you’re still alive and kicking.

Moments like this make it hard to believe that one day you won’t be. Sometimes you wonder what would happen if you told Satoru the truth of everything Takamatsu told you that day. You consider telling him this very moment, eyes resting on his face. He's smiling gently to himself, thinking about something unknown to you.

He’s so beautiful it makes you want to cry.

“Hey,” you can barely hear yourself.

“Hmm?” Satoru looks at you, lips upturned in a mellow, peaceful expression.

“We should get married.”

One second passes,

two seconds.

“Yeah, we should,” Satoru nods, seemingly enchanted.

You blink dumbly, “what?”

“Let’s do it,” Satoru repeats himself purposefully. “Let’s get married.”

“... Satoru, I was 60% joking when I said that,” you don’t even know why that’s what came out of your mouth.

In spite of your attempt to brush him off, Satoru stands to his feet all the more determined. His large hands cup yours gently as he pulls you into standing with him. “And I’m being 100% serious,” he means it, you can see it in his eyes. They’re more clear than any lake you’ve seen. “Let’s get married. We can go after your birthday.”

“Satoru, we’re high schoolers,” you try reasoning.

“We’re old enough to get married in this country.”

Despite that fact, you shake your head again, “we’re not getting married in high school.”

“Then we can tie the knot after we graduate,” Satoru decides like that’s the only issue at present.

“Fresh out of high school?”

“Fresh out of high school,” he affirms. “We can have a big wedding just like in the movies. Whatever you want. We’ve already got the headstart on the kids with that Zenin kid and his sister.”

You find yourself laughing unexpectedly at the absurdity, at the certainty. “Satoru.”

“[First].”

“Your clan is not gonna be happy with you marrying some jujutsu nobody,” you tell him.

“Like I care what a bunch of old farts think.”

“I’m pretty sure your parents aren’t gonna like me.”

“I’ll love you enough to make up for it,” Satoru rests his forehead on yours. That motion alone damn near breaks your heart. “I wanna marry you, [First].”

“Yeah,” you sniff. This boy who is quickly becoming a man in front of your very eyes is beautiful enough to make you cry. “Let’s get married.”

For a smile so small, it beams like a thousand suns, “Right after we graduate?”

“Right after we graduate.”

“Even if you think my parents aren’t gonna like you?”

“Screw ‘em. I’ll love you more than enough to make up for it.”

One day Gojou Satoru is going to kill you.

You don’t know what will lead you down the path of finding yourself on the opposing side of the boy you’ve grown to love. You don’t know whether it will be a death that’s accidental or as intentional as Suguru’s defection from your organization.

So many unknowns, yet the fact remains the sameー one day you’re going to die and it’s going to be Satoru that sends you to the other side. You let him kiss you despite that fact.

It’s you.

You know it in your heart.

Because if someone were to ask you if Gojou Satoru was precious enough to you that you wouldn’t bear any anger towards him for killing you, you knew what your answer would be in a heartbeat.

Yes, you kiss him tenderly, holding his face in your hands while your heart cupped the precious memories you shared. Memories you would never allow yourself to forget. The halcyon days of past, present and future. He is.

[20xx. kuzuivencdcsusahduvtaydr ー ???? oayn]

It’s snowing in Tokyo, a lot of it.

That’s not common for the area of Japan you live in.

Maybe Tokyo will see one or two days of light snowfall, but it’s almost never enough to cloak the city like this. That’s why it’s a perfect day for a snowball fight and it is perfect, save for the fact that Satoru is definitely cheating.

His tosses may be light but the jerk still has on his infinity, your snow dissipating in powdery puffs whenever it hits the barrier keeping him perpetually safe.

You can’t stop yourself from giggling though, even as he pelts you with an unfair barrage of snow.

The laugh is barreling from your form even more when Satoru rushes you out of nowhere, the largest snowball you’ve ever seen in his hands laughing like he’s five. Your fall is softened by the snow underneath you, barely even much of a drop, and Satoru’s on top of you with his legs on either side of your torso.

He’s merciful enough not to slam dunk his snowball of fury into your face though.

“Okay, okay, you win!” You laugh good naturedly. “Please, Gojou Satoru, I yield!” Despite your words, your hand is working quickly on the side to form a snowball. He’s touching you, you can feel the warmth of his legs on either side of you. His infinity’s down then. You open your eyes mischievously, bracing yourself for a toss when you feel something warm fall onto your face.

One drop,

two drops.

Your breath falters.

“Why are you crying, Satoru?” 

It occurs to you then in all your years of knowing him, you’ve never seen Satoru cry. Yet there he is, right atop you, holding the world’s largest snowball in his trembling arms. All the while, tears are running down his face, flowing from those beautiful eyes of his. Those eyes filled with a greater sadness than you’ve ever seen as he looks at you.

The snowball you were clutching drops from your hand immediately in your concern, “hey what’s wrong?”

Satoru doesn’t answer you. Instead, the strongest sorcerer in the world drapes himself over you with body-wracking sobs. The snowball he was holding has disappeared to who knows where, his hands now clutching the front of your jacket tightly. Satoru’s only response is his body-wracking sobs, his knuckles painfully white. He sobs, sobs and sobs like you’ve never seen before.

Slowly, you bring your arms up to hug him and nuzzle the top of his hair that matches the snow around you. “It’s okay,” you whisper to the boy crying in your arms. You smile softly and you close your eyes once more. “It’s okay,” you tell him again. “I'll protect you.”

i was inspired by chainsaw man with the idea of a future devil sorcerer and a reader who shares the same fate as aki

*bonus note: also in japan, the legal age marrying age for women is 16 and men is 18, i heard from a prof they're working on changing that but at least during the setting the time of the fic that is still the same so hence why you'd both be of marrying age despite still being students

*final note: i am a huge final fantasy nerd and the final chapter is written in al bhed, a language from final fantasy x. feel free to use this translator

[daisynik7]

Rush

Epilogue

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x f!reader

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: ~9.5k

cw: mentions of explicit sex, attempted sexual violence that may be triggering (does not go far and is not committed by Eren)

Summary: New year, new beginnings, old flames. 

Notes: I hope you enjoy this Epilogue, it’s a long one! I included a word count this time, for your reference. Please read the End Notes at the bottom of the chapter for my sincerest thanks. 

Previous Chapter | ao3

Rush Series Masterlist

----------

After a well-deserved holiday break, you’re back at University of Paradis to start your spring semester. Along with your new and more rigorous curriculum, your obligations to your sorority escalate. No longer a pledge and a now a fully-fledged sister, you take a more active role in your organization by trying to recruit potential members. Spring rush begins two weeks into the new year for women and men interested in Greek life. Because of the partnership with Alpha Tau, Sigma Nu Kappa miraculously sees an increase in their numbers. By the end of the month, you welcome an exciting group of new sisters, ready to dive into the mysterious allure of sorority life. 

Alpha Tau, back in its good graces, continues to excel during recruitment, despite losing a few members the previous semester. Reiner was expelled shortly after Eren. Apparently he threw a hissy fit in front of Erwin and Levi, who confronted him about his disrespectful behavior. Bertolt, being the obedient devotee he is, actually quit following his best friend’s expulsion. Rumor has it they’ve been ��adopted” as unofficial brothers into another frat, the one where their friends Porco and Marcel are in. 

The first few months of the new year are ordinary, for the most part. The only major difference is that Eren Jaeger has become a regular part of your daily life.

Following the end of your intimate relationship with him and his expulsion from Alpha Tau, Eren quickly got his act together. He focused on his studies more, spending hours in the library next to Armin, buried in his textbooks or typing away at a paper. You didn’t see him much during those last few weeks, only in passing, walking alongside his best friend. Cordial waves from a distance were always exchanged. Even from afar, it was difficult to ignore the twinkle in his eyes or the goofy grin whenever he saw you. 

It's not until this new year that Eren makes his official return into your life. 

The golden trio of Eren, Armin, and Mikasa are in tandem again, hanging out constantly as if their temporary setback never occurred. You’re included in the mix now, being Mikasa’s closest friend, roommate, and sorority sister. Jean occasionally joins if he isn’t busy with soccer team business. You and Eren acknowledge one another as acquaintances do. A smile, a wave, a glance here and there. Nothing more. Careful not to overstep any boundaries. There’s no tension between you two; rather there’s remnants of a barely lit flame still present from your previous relationship. It’s unpredictable when it will ever fizzle out. 

You share meals together, surrounded by your friends, never alone. You have conversations as a group, not with each other. The most you’ll say is a hello or hi, along with a lingering look. There’s an unspoken agreement there; he won’t cross any lines until you’re ready to. At this rate, you’re taking baby steps to get to that point. You want to take your time with him.

Despite keeping your metaphorical distance, you find yourself learning more each day you spend with him. His interests, his pet peeves, his little quirks that you secretly find charming. Over dinner one night, you discover that Eren has a sweet tooth, finishing two different slices of cake in one sitting without a single crumb or smattering of frosting left on his plate. Another night, Mikasa teases him about being a mama’s boy, which he shamelessly agrees with. 

“She’s the most important woman in my life,” he says proudly to Mikasa. “Besides you and – ” 

He cuts himself off, not finishing his statement. For a split second, his eyes quickly dart towards you, cheeks blushed with a rosy tinge. Maybe it’s your imagination. 

They reminisce about their past often, having spent their entire childhoods together. Through passing comments, you learn that Eren has always cared deeply for his friends. As a child, he was the first to throw a punch whenever Armin was harassed by the neighborhood bullies. The only kid on the block who would defend Mikasa from perverted old men eyeing her on the street. Even protecting his mom from being mugged several times on simple trips to the grocery store. 

You’re beginning to see for yourself what Mikasa told you last semester. I wish you could have met him before all of this. You would see how great of a person he can be. There’s a reason his friends have stuck by him through thick and thin. They’ve put their trust and faith in him because of the lengths he’s gone for them. You wonder if you’ll ever be able to get to that point with him. A tiny part of you hopes so.

You learn that Armin and Eren share a fascination for traveling. During a study session in the library, they huddle during their breaks to read a couple different travel magazines they purchased at the café. Eren takes great care to highlight and place post-it notes on pages he finds particularly interesting. A few times, he glances over at you, catching your gaze on him. The moment dissipates as quickly as it appears, a fading ember in heavy rain. Something’s there, both of you too hesitant and shy to nurture it.

In the blink of an eye, March arrives. The flower gardens scattered throughout campus are in full bloom. Displays of different colored flora along every pathway illuminate your daily walks to class. The melancholy that winter naturally emanates has finally passed. Life is good. 

It’s this month that your relationship with him changes. It’s small, but definitely noticeable. 

~~~

In the middle of March, the weekend preceding midterms, the four of them gather in a study room. Mikasa and Armin review biology flashcards, she’s finishing up a permitted cheat sheet for one of her courses, and Eren focuses on writing an essay for his sociology class. After typing his last thought, he closes his laptop and leans back in his chair, sighing. 

Mikasa sets down her flashcards. “Let’s take a break.” She reaches into her bag and fetches a bag of chips, setting it in the middle to share. 

“Speaking of a break, what is everyone doing for spring break? It’s coming up,” Armin reminds them. 

“Jean invited me to stay with his family. We might go camping,” Mikasa replies. 

“That sounds fun! Grandpa will probably want to go fishing, so I’ll be doing that,” Armin says. “Eren, what do the Jaegers have planned this year?”

He grabs a handful of chips as he answers, “We’ll be at the beach house. I can’t believe Mikasa will be missing my birthday just because she has a boyfriend now,” he teases her, smirking. 

She rolls her eyes. “A week away from Zeke bragging about med school and taking over your dad’s practice? Oh yeah, poor me,” she responds sarcastically, returning his playful grin. 

“When is your birthday?”

He’s startled to hear her voice. To hear her direct a question at him. It’s an invitation to engage in a real conversation, which flusters and thrills him. 

He faces her, hoping his cheeks aren’t flushed. “March 30th.”

“Must be nice having it during spring break. I’m sure you’ll have fun.”

He gulps loudly, excited to continue talking to her. “Yeah, it is nice. What are…what are your plans?” Mikasa and Armin stare at them as if they’re watching a slow-moving tennis match, heads turning towards whoever is speaking, holding their breaths. 

She shrugs, reaching for the snacks. “Probably just stay home and do some spring cleaning. My family doesn’t really go on vacations.”

There’s a rush of ideas bombarding him, the most obvious being the temptation to invite her. It’s insane. But the thought of spending spring break together is a dream. It’s been over three months since they ended their previous relationship. Over three months of secretly pining for her, waiting for whatever chance he can get to be a little bit closer.  

It’s on the tip of his tongue. What’s the worst that could happen if he let it slip? Rejection? Bruised ego? Extreme embarrassment? That’s nothing compared to heartache, and he’s already experienced that. He has nothing to lose. 

Still, he has to put her first. He wouldn’t want to do or say anything to make her uncomfortable. That’s why it’s taken this long for them to have a legitimate conversation with each other, outside of their usual greetings. He wasn’t sure if she wanted to speak to him, especially after all that happened. 

Mikasa intervenes. “Annie doesn’t live too far from you. I’m sure you two can see each other if you’re bored.”

“Oh yeah! She mentioned wanting to try a new restaurant near where I live, so we’ll probably do that.”

Eren comes to his senses, mentally calming himself down from his sudden excitement. He can’t invite her to the beach house with him. That’s crazy. Outrageous. Definitely a bad idea. Baby steps, he reminds himself. Baby steps. “That should be fun. I hope you have a nice break.”

“Thank you. You too.”

They gaze at each other for what seems like a full minute; in reality, it’s a few seconds. There’s electricity, even if it is a slightly dulled. It could be wishful thinking on his end, but these are the tiny interactions he’s learned to cherish these past few months. He’ll take whatever he can get; a warm glance, courteous wave, her signature bright smile that instantly lifts his mood. He won’t take any of it for granted anymore. 

Armin clears his throat. “Anyways, it sounds like we’re all going to have a nice vacation.” 

His friends engage her in idle chit chat about Greek life, leaving Eren alone in his thoughts. Another layer in their complicated relationship has been peeled away. There’s a long way to go, but it’s progress. It gives him hope.

He treasures these moments. This, along with the little details he’s learned about her so far. What she likes, what annoys her, those adorable habits she has. They spent so much time indulging in sex last fall that they didn’t get to know each other properly. He enjoys exploring her mind and soul just as much as her body; maybe more if that’s even possible.  

Their passionate nights reappear in Eren’s head every now and again. Probably more than he’ll ever admit. Out of respect, he tries his best not to think of her in that way anymore. Though when he’s alone in the deepest confines of his psyche, he can’t help letting his hands wander, wishing more than anything it’s her in bed with him. He allows himself this occasional weakness for the sake of his sanity. 

Tonight, he lets himself succumb to it, more so than ever these past three months. She actually spoke to him, and she was the one to initiate it. It’s glorious, and hours later, he’s still high from it. Why is he so desperate? As Eren slides his boxers off to stroke his hard cock, body hidden beneath the blankets in case Armin returns any minute, he ignores the guilt and lets his desires overtake him. 

He fantasizes about a scenario where she does spend spring break with him and his family. They would drive to the beach house, top down in a rented convertible, wind blowing through their hair. Fingers entwined, resting on the center console, natural for two people in love. 

At the beach house, Eren would make proper introductions to his parents. His mom would be ecstatic to see her son with a woman, especially one as beautiful as her. Zeke, his half-brother, would arrive later for dinner, cocky as usual during table conversation. Probably flirtatious with her, attempting to push his little brother’s buttons. This wouldn’t bother Eren, because at the end of the night, it’s him who bends her over at the edge of the bed, pleasuring her until they’re both spent. Cuddling and falling asleep in each other’s arms, in total bliss. 

She’d make the best impressions on his parents, helping his mom in the kitchen, offering to help his dad fix a few loose boards on the deck. Pretending to be intrigued by Zeke’s insufferable stories of med school. They’d relax by the ocean every day, basking in the pleasant heat from the sun. At night, they’d make love, indulging in each other’s warm bodies. Her silky moans music to his ears as she wraps her legs around his waist, wanting to feel him deeper. Her moans turn into whines, indicating he’s hitting that sweet spot. He thrusts into her faster, wanting her to gush all over him, thumb brushing against her puffy clit that he licked and sucked earlier when she rode his face. She’s so close, desperate to have her precious cunt filled with his hot load…

His cock twitches in his fist, cum dribbling onto his bare abdomen. He opens his eyes and he’s in his bedroom, hidden beneath his covers. There’s a box of tissues at his bedside, conveniently. He wipes any evidence and tosses it into the trash, thankful that Armin takes unusually long showers.

After a few minutes of lying in bed, he buries his face into his pillow, groaning. He hates when that post-nut clarity hits. It brings him shame, guilty for using her as a way to get himself off. He didn’t even recall a past scenario this time; he invented a new one. 

He answers the question he asked himself earlier: Why is he so desperate?

He’s in love with her. That’s why. 

~~~

The rest of the semester passes without any major issues. The frequency in which you converse with Eren increases at a steady rate. He cracks jokes here and there, nothing vulgar or inappropriate. The conversations are never too deep, enough to scratch the surface and uncover a valuable cache of knowledge about each other. It’s surprisingly easy talking to him; you’re building up to being more than acquaintances with an intricate past. 

With finals around the corner, you find yourself once again in a study room with Mikasa, Armin, and Eren. Mikasa and Armin group in front of a whiteboard, reviewing diagrams and terminology for their biology class. Eren is writing yet another sociology research paper. And you’re in the middle of a practice test for one of your courses. 

Eren closes his laptop, raising his arms up in a stretch. “Anybody want anything from the café?”

Mikasa and Armin, too focused on their discussion, wave him off. He turns to you, offering, “Do you want anything?”

Distracted by a question that you’re desperately trying to solve, you mumble a name of a drink, your usual. A few minutes later, you come up with the solution and finally relax. It’s only now that you realize you only gave him half the details of what you wanted. Thinking it’s too late to specify any of it, you let it be, not wanting to be a bother. 

When he returns, he sets his drink next to his laptop. Probably a black coffee, his typical order. He hands you yours, which seems normal.

“Thank you,” you tell him. “Let me know how much I owe you.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. It’s on me. I hope I got your drink right.”

Certain that he didn’t, by no fault of his own, you examine the sticker on the cup listing the precise details. To your surprise, it’s perfect. From the amount of ice, type of milk, even the extra pump of the particular sweetener you like. 

Impressed, you exclaim, “It’s exactly how I order it! How’d you know?”

He rubs the nape of his neck, blushing. “You get it so much, I guess it stuck with me.”

You beam at him, flattered that he memorized your relatively complicated order. He thought it was important to remember. It makes you feel special. With a sip of the drink, you take a deep breath, exhaling happily. “It’s absolutely perfect. Thank you.”

Cheeks still pink, he responds, “It’s really nothing.”

There it is again. That spark. A blaze that burns just barely, enough to provide light and warmth in a dim, dark place. It’s amazing how something so simple, so seemingly insignificant, can do that. You do your best to suppress these emotions, knowing all too well that there’s a long way to go when it comes to you and Eren. That doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate the progress. 

The next few hours continue, the four of you concentrated on your own studies. When the sun sets, you gather your belongings and head to the dining hall to eat.     

The topic of summer vacation comes up. Mikasa is already aware of your plans, but you decide to announce it to Armin and Eren. 

“I’ll be staying on-campus. I’m required to complete one summer session for my major so that I can graduate on time.”

Armin says, “Really? Eren, aren’t you doing a summer session as well?”

This is brand new information. Mikasa also seems surprised by this. “You’re going to be here for the summer too?”

Eren nods, eyes focused down at his plate. “Yeah, I talked with Pyxis this week and he suggested that I do one to get in some extra classes. Told me it’s better for my resume when I apply to law school. He was able to pull some strings and get me enrolled last minute; I just found out yesterday.”

Mikasa, who’s sitting next to you, squeezes your knee lightly underneath the table.

“I guess we’ll both be here,” you murmur, unsure how else to react. 

“Yeah, I guess we will.” His expression is unreadable. For a split second, though, he smiles. 

Later that night, with you and Mikasa ready for bed and snuggled under the covers, she turns to face you. “Are you going to be okay? Being here with Eren for the summer?”

“Of course. It’s not going to change anything. We’ve been okay this whole semester.”

“Yeah, but Armin and I aren’t going to be here. Do you think you’ll want to hang out with him? Alone?” 

You shrug. “I don’t know. We haven’t been alone together since…well, you know. I don’t know how awkward that will be.”

“You’ll both be at Reiss. All the students doing summer sessions are housed there.”

“So? What’s your point?”

“Living together in close quarters when nobody else is around to keep the two of you dummies in check? What do you think will happen?”

Rolling your eyes, you indulge her. “Tell me.”

“You’ll fuck! The two of you will start fucking again!”

“Mikasa, that’s not going to happen. First of all, the apartments are big. It’s not like we’ll be next door neighbors. I probably won’t be seeing him much. And second, even if we do run into each other, we’ll say our usual hellos, do some small talk, and that’s it! What do you think we’ve been doing the past few months. Everything is under control.”

“Oh please. Don’t think for a second that the little flirtations you and Eren have been exchanging are going unnoticed,” she reveals.

“What? We don’t flirt!”

“Oh really?” She sits up aggressively, mimicking you from earlier. “Oh Eren, it’s perfect! How did you know?” In a second, she switches to Eren, copying his deep voice, “I don’t know baby. Just stuck with me I guess. Want to touch my abs now?”

You throw a pillow at her, unable to contain your laughter. “Shut up! That’s not what we sounded like!”

“That’s exactly how you sounded,” she teases, tossing it back to you. “It’s obvious he still has feelings for you.”

“I don’t know about that – ”

“And I know you still have feelings for him, too. Neither of you will ever admit it, but we all know.”

Shocked by her accusation, you sputter, “Huh? That’s not…how do you…”

“We’re sisters. Of course I know.”

You remain silent, neither confirming nor denying her suspicions. It wouldn’t matter anyways with how confident she sounds. 

“I’m not saying you two shouldn’t reconnect. To be honest, it seems like Eren is back to his normal self, before his whole wannabe fuck boy phase. I want to make sure that you’re ready to take that next step. If that’s what you really want.”

“I don’t know what I want yet. We’re taking it slow. There’s no rush.”

“And that’s great. I don’t doubt that you’ll continue to succeed in that. But I’m sure there will come a time that you’ll be tempted to revisit those intimate moments the two of you share. If you do go through with it, do it because you want to. Not because you’re lonely, desperate, or pressured. Do it because it feels right in your heart.” 

You let her advice sink in. She adds, “If you ever need someone to talk to, you know I’m always a phone call away.”

In the dim light, you can see her sincere eyes gazing at you. “Thank you,” you tell her, promising telepathically to heed her words of wisdom. 

The discussion ends there, leaving it up to you to decide when the “right time” is. Or if there will ever be a “right time”. 

One thing is for sure: this summer is already more interesting because of Eren Jaeger.

At the end of the semester, the seniors graduate in the standard pomp and circumstance ceremony. You exchange tearful goodbyes to your favorite graduates, promising to keep in touch. Hange makes you swear to visit her at Marley School of Medicine, while Petra promises to stop by whenever she’s in the area. The candy leis you, Mikasa, and Sasha spent the previous night crafting are distributed to all the Sigma Nu Kappa seniors, even some Alpha Tau’s, including Levi, Erwin, and of course, Mike. You give him an especially fond smooch on the cheek. 

With the school year officially over, most of Paradis’s students pack up and go home. Annie and Hitch agree to stay an extra day to help you move into the on-campus apartments called Reiss Residence, open specifically for students staying for the summer. It takes at least two hours to haul your belongings across campus to your new home. Being on the second floor of the complex with an elevator that operates at a snail’s pace contributes to the difficulty. Once your stuff is inside, you unpack, dragging boxes up the stairs into one of the empty bedrooms. Downstairs is a living room space furnished with a couch and coffee table. There’s also a little kitchen, complete with all the essential appliances to cook. Unfortunately, you don’t have any pots or pans to actually prepare a meal, so you pray that your roommate moves in with those items in her possession. 

Exhausted from the move and too lazy to walk over to the dining hall, you call a local pizza shop to get dinner delivered directly to your doorstep, treating your friends for helping you during this tiring process. In the middle of your meal, you hear a knock on your door.

“RA knocking! Anyone in there?” When you open it, a tall, well-built man stands in front of you with a clipboard. “Hi! I’m Onyankopon, your new RA.”

You introduce yourself, smiling as you shake hands. 

“Welcome to Reiss. My room is downstairs, #101. Knock anytime you need anything. If I’m not in, feel free to call me.” He gives you a sheet of paper listing general rules and information for the complex. He points at the number typed on the bottom next to his name.

“I see you’re pretty much moved in. I just need to get you checked-in with a date and a signature.” He presents you the clipboard and a pen. You scan it quickly for your name, signing it when you find it. Not bothering to check the rest of the list, you return it to him. 

“Awesome, thanks. Has your roommate moved in?”

“No, not yet.”

“That’s okay. I’ll come by tomorrow again to check. Some students are coming in tomorrow, even later this week since classes don’t start until Monday. I’m planning to have a little welcoming party in my room Sunday night to introduce everyone. I’ll post the details on the bulletin next to the laundry room on this floor.”

“Sounds great. Looking forward to it,” you tell him, genuinely excited.

“Don’t hesitate to contact me if you need anything!” With that, he waves goodbye, leaving to knock on the rest of the doors on your floor. 

Back inside, Annie says, “He seems nice.”  

“And hot,” Hitch smirks. “Aren’t RAs for these apartments usually grad students? You should try older men for a change,” she teases with a wink.

You roll your eyes. “I don’t think he’ll be interested in an undergrad if he really is a grad student.”

“Hey, you never know unless you try! How hot would that be, sex with the RA? This stuff doesn’t write itself.”

You laugh, half considering her suggestion because she’s not wrong: your new RA is very attractive. However, you’re still taking time to focus on yourself and avoid potential drama. If that means remaining celibate the rest of the summer, then that’s the route you’ll have to continue taking. 

“Armin told me that Eren is also going to be here. Is that going to be weird for you?” Annie asks, finishing off her slice of pizza. 

“I don’t know. We probably won’t see much of each other unless we literally live right next door, which isn’t going to happen.”

“Think you’ll try to hang out with him one-on-one? I mean, you practically saw each other every day the past few months.”

“That’s different; we’re always with Mikasa and Armin. There’s a buffer.”

“Do you even want to hang out with him? As friends?”

It’s definitely crossed your mind. Mikasa’s words have been replaying constantly the past couple of days. Do it because it feels right in your heart.

You haven’t seen him since the last study session, and the thought of running into him any minute now has you flustered. Is it worry? Or excitement? 

“I don’t think I’m there yet,” you respond, remaining ambiguous.

Instead of continuing to pester you, they drop it, changing the subject to Eta Iota gossip going around about one of Hitch’s sisters hooking up with another’s boyfriend. You listen passively, your focus still on Eren. 

Given your history, it might be dangerous to be alone together. You’d be lying to yourself if you said your intimate memories with him have never reappeared in your thoughts. They pop up in your head, particularly at night when you need some sort of sweet release. 

Hanging out, without Mikasa and Armin there to regulate, is a big step. Will you ever get there with him? Can you ever be friends? 

The next morning, you eat breakfast with Hitch and Annie at the cafeteria before they leave for home. Back at your apartment, you notice the door is open, boxes stacked and scattered around the living room. You hear shuffling upstairs and a girl’s voice talking to someone on speaker phone. You knock on the open door loudly to announce your presence. 

A girl with light-brown hair in a ponytail comes sprinting down the stairs, smiling. “Roomie!” She launches herself towards you to give you a big hug. “I’m Hannah! Nice to meet you!”

You return her embrace and introduce yourself, making small talk while you help her move her things to her bedroom. Throughout the day, you learn that she is cheerful and easy-going. She mentions her boyfriend Franz, who she warns will be coming over quite often, to which you assure her that you don’t mind. 

When she’s unpacked, the two of you walk to the store right off campus to pick up groceries and snacks. That night, you cook your first meal in the kitchen. Luckily, Hannah comes prepared with kitchenware, offering to share it as long as you clean it after use. 

Friday, Hannah decides to spend the weekend with Franz once more before the session begins, leaving you alone in the apartment. You sleep in, taking advantage of the few days left of your tiny break. 

Around noon, your growling stomach gets you out of bed. In your comfiest sweats, you leave your apartment. For the first time this week, you notice the door next to yours is open. Outside is a middle-aged woman with long black hair in a loose ponytail hanging over her shoulder. There are clothes scattered over the pavement surrounding her as she carries an empty laundry basket. Immediately, you bend down to pick up some of the littered fabric. 

“Ah, thank you, dear. I’m such a klutz,” she giggles, squatting to help. “These are clean, don’t worry.”

You chuckle, giving her a pair of sweatpants. The two of your collect the last few items off the ground. “I hope I didn’t take too much time out of your day!” she says. 

“Not at all. I was just on my way to get lunch. I’m in no rush. Happy to help.”

“I’m relieved to know my son is living next to someone as sweet as you. Thank you again for all your help.”

Her appreciation for such a simple act is endearing. She seems like such a lovely woman. You smile at her, reiterating how it wasn’t a big deal when you hear someone walk towards you from behind.  

You turn to check who it is, almost choking when you recognize that it’s Eren. He blinks rapidly as he stutters your name. 

Somehow, some way, the universe has forced you two to be next door neighbors.

Eren’s mom glances at him, then at you. “Oh, you two know each other? How nice! She was helping me pick up your laundry after I dropped it all on the ground.”

He steps towards his mother, grabbing the sides of the basket. “Mom, I told you I’d get that. It’s heavy,” he states, carrying it easily. He glances at you before heading back inside his apartment to set the clothes down. 

His mom asks you, “So, you two are friends?”

What is the correct answer here? You’re not quite sure yourself.  

Eren quickly replies, “Yes, we’re friends.” He smiles at you, then at his mom.  

“Oh good! I don’t have to worry about my son being lonely this summer,” his mom teases, pinching one of his cheeks.

“Mom,” Eren warns, waving her off lovingly. It’s cute. 

“Your dad should be here soon; he went to get gas after we unloaded all of your things from the car.”

“That’s nice you’re here to help Eren move. I wish I had a car when I moved. We had to lug everything from across campus,” you explain, laughing.

“Oh you poor thing. Next time, tell Eren to help you. As you can see, he has plenty of muscles,” she comments, squeezing his bicep. 

“Mom, seriously,” he mutters, hand shielding his face in embarrassment.

“He’s so shy, isn’t he?” she grins. Eren peeks at you between his fingers, a blush surrounding his cheeks.

His mom’s phone chimes. “Oh! That’s your father, let’s go sweetie.”

You’re ready to part ways when you hear her suggest, “You should come to lunch with us!”

Going to lunch with your former fuck buddy’s parents? And your former fuck buddy turned acquaintance slash friend? This is too weird. “No, I don’t want to intrude.”

“Nonsense. We’re inviting you.”

Expecting him to dissuade his mother, Eren agrees. “Yeah, you should come with us. It’ll be fun.” His expression is warm and inviting. His eyes glisten with kindness. How can you decline an invite from both him and his mother?

“Oh…um, okay. Thank you,” you relent, walking besides them.

“Silly me! I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Carla,” she mentions, holding out her hand. You do the same as the three of you head downstairs. In the parking lot, you spot a maroon Subaru Hatchback running. A man with glasses sits in the driver’s seat. 

“Honey, Eren’s friend here is going to join us for lunch!” Carla exclaims.

From inside the vehicle, you see him clap giddily. “Excellent! Hello Eren’s friend!”

Carla informs her husband of your name, to which he enthusiastically repeats. You grin at their quirkiness. From the corner of your eye, you see Eren smiling too.

~~~

Somehow, some way, the universe has blessed Eren. 

He can’t comprehend it. He’s sitting in the back of the car next to her, the middle seat being the only distance between them, as his parents drive them to his favorite restaurant in the area. He literally pinches himself several times to believe it’s real. 

His mom does most of the chatting during the ride. She asks the standard questions, most of which he’s already memorized about her. At the restaurant, which is a local diner with the best milkshakes, his dad joins in on the small talk. In typical Grisha Jaeger fashion, he brags about Zeke, who’s currently in med school to take over the family business. This naturally prompts him to pat Eren on the back and proclaim, “But I’m also proud of my other son here, who’s going to be a hot-shot lawyer one day! Hopefully he won’t ever be prosecuting me for medical malpractice!” 

Aside from his dad’s corny jokes, their lunch is as delightful as Eren could imagine it to be, under their current circumstances. All week, he’s been nervous about the status of their relationship this summer, if there even would be a relationship. Without Armin and Mikasa around, how would it be between them? The question has been nagging him since he decided to stay. And now, it’s been partially answered. Still, he wonders if they’ll ever be able to spend time together, just the two of them.

Back at the apartment, they gather in front of Eren’s room. 

“Thank you so much for lunch, Mr. and Mrs. Jaeger,” she says. 

“Oh please, the pleasure was all ours! We hope to see you again soon!” 

Eren eyes his mom, to which she announces, “Grisha, honey, let’s unpack some of Eren’s stuff in the kitchen.” Before his dad can get a word in, she drags him into the apartment, yelling out, “Sweetheart, it was so nice to finally meet you. Please take good care of yourself!” He nearly flinches at his mom’s slip-up. Thankfully, it goes unnoticed. 

At last alone with her, he says, “Thank you for joining us. That was fun. I hope it wasn’t awkward for you or anything.”

“No, it wasn’t. Your parents are really nice. Thanks for letting me tag along.”

“Are you all unpacked?” he asks, eager to keep their exchange going.

“Yeah, for the most part. I don’t have too many things, so it wasn’t so bad.”

“I’m the opposite. My mom made sure I packed everything. I might have to use the spare bedroom for storage.”

Her eyes light up at this statement. “You don’t have a roommate?”

“Nope. It’s just me,” he answers. “My dad is going to help me move the other bed into my room to create a queen-sized bed.”

“That sounds nice.” There’s a small pause before she adds, “Maybe we can hang out at your place. Not on the bed, I’m not thinking that because of the bed, I thought that since you don’t have a roommate, it might be nice to, y’know, watch a movie or something, I don’t know – ”

He stops her rambling with a grin, “I get it. I wasn’t thinking anything about it. But yeah, we should definitely do that. If it’s okay with you.” Calm, cool, collective. He has to appear this way as fireworks are nearly bursting out of his chest.

She nods, not explicitly responding to his last statement. “Anyways, I’ll let you get back to unpacking. I’ll see you around.”

It’s too short. He wishes they could keep chatting forever and ever. “Yeah, see you.”

She disappears into her apartment, leaving Eren to pinch himself one more time before joining his parents inside. In a daze, he removes some pans from the open box next to his mom, who looks at him curiously. 

“Honey, Eren and I are going to unpack his clothes in his room. Can you finish the rest of these boxes down here?”

“Yes, dear.”

Upstairs, Eren’s mom shuts the door and begins hanging his jackets in the closet. “So, that’s her.” 

There’s no secrets between him and his mom. That’s the type of relationship they have. When he fucked up last semester, he made sure to come clean about it as soon as he was home for winter break. And she made sure to give him a piece of her mind. Since then, she hasn’t stopped.

“I can’t believe you would do that to a sweet girl like her,” she continues, casually unfolding his laundry as she scolds him. “Really, Eren. I am still so disappointed in you.”

“I know, Mom. I know. I fucked up. I beat myself up about it every day.”

“I hope you do. Did you know that she would be next door?”

“Of course not. I knew she was staying at these apartments. I never predicted this. I mean, I jokingly wished for it. I didn’t think it’d actually come true.” He can’t help but smile to himself, feeling like the luckiest guy in the world. 

She glares at him. “Don’t get any ideas, son. You have to keep your distance. She might still be wary about you. I wouldn’t blame her.”

“Yeah, I know. I will. But when I told her I don’t have a roommate, she said that we should hang out. I think she’s ready to be friends.”

She stops what she’s doing to look at him carefully. “Honey, are you sure about this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Isn’t it time to move on? I know you still have feelings for her, but this is dangerous. You don’t know if she’ll ever feel the same way about you again. Maybe this ship has sailed.”

He contemplates this for a while before saying, “Maybe. But if there’s the tiniest chance, then I’m wearing a life vest and swimming. I’m not letting her go. Not yet.”

She stares at him, concerned. “You like her that much?”

With full confidence, he answers, “I’m in love with her. I love her, Mom.” This is the first he’s confessing it out loud. He’s surer of it now hearing it in his own voice.

“Eren, you’re not even dating. You barely know her. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not being ridiculous. I feel it in my heart, in my fucking soul. I can’t stop thinking about her. Everything I do now is for her. To prove to her how worthy of a man I can be, worthy of her love. I won’t give up until the day she looks me in the eyes and tells me that it’s never going to happen. Maybe even then, I won’t give up. I know you probably think I’m being immature or idiotic. But this is how I feel. I can’t help it.”

“Honey, I hear you, and I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings. But are you prepared to get hurt if this doesn’t work out the way you want it to?” There’s urgency in her voice, almost like she’s pleading with him to reconsider this. To give up, for his own sake. 

He won’t. This is the most certain he’s ever been in his life. 

“If that means I’m going to get hurt, then fine. It’ll be worth it to have felt something than nothing at all.”

~~~

Sunday night, your RA hosts a gathering in his slightly larger apartment on the first floor. Hannah isn’t back from her boyfriend’s, so you arrive alone. You meet a few of the other residents as you help yourself to a slice of pizza and a drink. Onyankopon gathers everyone in a circle to play a little ice-breaker game. Just as he’s about to start, Eren walks in. 

“Sorry I’m late,” he mumbles.

“No worries, man! Go ahead and take a spot in the circle.”

You glance at him, waving, which he returns with a smile. He positions himself across from you, next to an auburn-headed guy you sort of recognize from one of the fraternities. 

Onyankopon asks everyone in the circle state their name, year, major, organizations they are involved in on campus, and one interesting fact. He starts, explaining how he completed his bachelors at a school private school in Marley and is now working on his masters in aerospace engineering here at Paradis. Each resident clockwise has their turn to speak. When it gets to Eren, he shares that he has a big sweet tooth, which you already knew, and that he has finished an entire chocolate cake all by himself once in his lifetime, which you did not know. 

After the event, you bid farewell to your RA and new neighbors. Outside, Eren walks slow, waiting for you. You catch up to him, greeting him with a, “Hey.”

“Hi. Are you ready for classes tomorrow? Feels like we barely had a break.”

“Not sure if I’m ever really ready for classes. Oh well,” you chuckle. “Do you have an early morning class?”

“No. Thankfully my earliest class is at 11, which isn’t bad.”

“That’s the same for me too! It’ll be nice to sleep in once in a while.”

“Yeah, definitely.” There’s a pause. “Maybe we can get breakfast some time. If you’re up for it.”

You remember him being so against sharing a meal together in public not too long ago. And now, he’s offering the idea so easily. You can’t help but tease him just a bit. “You don’t want to get it delivered?” 

He stops in his tracks. “Hey, I didn’t…I wasn’t…I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking – ”

You nudge him in the arm with your elbow, laughing. “I’m messing with you. Breakfast sounds good.”

His face relaxes. “I deserve that.” 

“Yeah, you do,” you smirk.

It’s different this time around. It has to be.

~~~

The session starts and Eren, for the most part, has a handle on his courses. Without it being as rigorous as a regular semester, he spends a large chunk of his free time going to the gym, cooking in his kitchen, and watching Netflix on his flat-screen TV, courtesy of Dr. Grisha Jaeger. 

Though the walls are thin, he barely hears a bump from his lovely neighbor. However, knowing she’s there brings him happiness. Over the past few weeks, they’ve been getting comfortable chatting outside the apartment. Sometimes for a few minutes if either of them is in a rush to another destination, most of the time for nearly half an hour, neither in any rush to end it. He looks forward to stepping outside his apartment every day to get his daily dose of her. An instant serotonin boost. 

One Friday night, well into the season, Eren sits on the couch in front of the TV, watching a K-drama he’s hooked on. He finished a bowl of pasta for dinner and is indulging in ice cream when he hears a knock on his door. 

He cracks it open cautiously. To his delight, it’s her. “Hi neighbor. Can I hang out here for a bit?”

It takes a while to process. Is he dreaming? He pulls himself together and opens the door for her, inviting her in. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just that my roommate and her boyfriend are having a heated argument right now and I’m almost certain it’s going to lead to some very loud and angry sex. I don’t want to be there to listen to it.” She plops down on the couch. “I hope I’m not bothering you.”

“Not at all. I was just watching TV. Do you want some ice cream?”

“Sure!”

He rummages through his freezer, retrieving a particular carton of ice cream. As he scoops it into a bowl, she comments, “I didn’t expect you to be a fan of K-dramas.” She’s looking at the paused screen on the television, an amused expression on her face.

He passes her the bowl and takes a seat on the opposite side of the couch, an appropriate distance for two ex-lovers to be in. “I recently got into it. I can see why people are so obsessed with them. Especially the romance ones.”

She takes a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. “Yum. This is my favorite. Thank you.”

There’s no point in revealing to her that he knows this already. She mentioned it once during spring semester. He wanted to try it himself, see why she adored it so much. Now, he always keeps a pint of it in his freezer. Not because he expects situations like this, but because he indulges in it himself to have the tiniest connection with her. It also helps that it is, in fact, yummy.

“So I’m guessing that you don’t get along with your roommate?” he asks, finishing the last bites of his melting ice cream.

“We get along fine. I just didn’t expect her and her boyfriend to be so loud. Especially during sex. It’s very distracting.”

“When you’re caught up in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to forget about everything and everybody else surrounding you,” he says. In the worst timing ever, he recalls their passionate nights, never holding back with each other. 

She turns to look at him, a gleam in her eyes that sends his heart racing. “Yeah. You’re right.”

Is he imagining all of this? This pleasant vibe in the air? 

He hastily grabs the remote and resumes the show, ending any more talk about sex. They finish the episode and watch one more before she deems it safe to return to her place. 

“Thanks again for letting me come over. And for the ice cream.”

“Of course. I’m here anytime you need me.” The words slip out sooner than he can actually think it through. He panics, fearing he took a monumental step backwards.

Instead, she responds, “Okay. I’ll hold you to that.” Eren watches her leave and waits for the soft thud of her door shutting to close his.

Cheeks hot, perspiration beading on his forehead, he slides down the door and sits on the floor, burying his face in his sweaty palms.

His mom is right. This is dangerous. 

~~~

The summer session is nearing the end. It goes by much faster than you expect. This is largely thanks to your next-door neighbor slash friend slash ex-lover Eren Jaeger. For a situation so complicated and messy, it’s been easy being with him, as friends.

It’s gotten to a point where you’re at his apartment nearly every weekend, usually watching a random show or movie. He’ll offer you whatever meal he can whip up in the kitchen on the fly; other nights you’ll order delivery or take-out from a local restaurant. And every dinner ends with three scoops of your favorite ice cream. 

On some weekdays, you’ll wake up early to get breakfast together at the dining hall. You’ve since unblocked his number from your phone, so either he’ll text you, “Breakfast?” or you’ll knock on his door, knowing he’s already awake.

Not wanting to make the same mistakes as last year, you tell your friends everything, to which you get plenty of opinions about from them. Annie in particular isn’t shy to call you dumb for falling for the same trap again. In your defense, it doesn’t feel stressful this time around. What do either you or Eren gain from spending time together, besides companionship? Without sex being involved, could the two of you truly become friends? At this rate, you’re confident that you can. 

The Friday leading into finals, you leave the library close to 1 AM. You got caught up finishing a paper for one of your classes, not realizing how late it is. The walk to your apartment isn’t far. However, being alone in the after-midnight darkness adds a level of creepiness that unsettles you. You slide your keys between your knuckles as a makeshift weapon and stroll directly under each lamp post for a sense of security. 

When you arrive at the apartment complex, there’s a figure slouched at the bottom of the staircase leading up to your floor. You recognize him as one of the residents of the apartments. As you pass him on the steps, he grabs your ankle. 

“Hey, can you help me?” His speech is slurred; he’s drunk.

Alarmed at his unwanted touch, you tug your foot away from him, muttering, “Sorry. No.” You hustle up the stairs, hoping he stays slumped there.

You hear shuffling as he cries out, “Come on! I locked myself out! Public Safety is taking forever. Let me stay in your apartment for a bit.” 

He’s on your tail. Nervous for him to see which apartment you’re living in, you stop in front of the laundry room, reaching for the phone in your pocket. “I said no. I don’t know you.”

“I’m Floch. I’ve seen you around. You’re a Sigma Nu Kappa. I bet you’re an easy fuck.” He grabs you by the wrist aggressively, causing you to drop your phone onto the ground.

“Let go of me asshole!” On instinct, you kick him between the legs, directly in the balls.

He grunts, doubling over, clutching his hopefully shattered jewels. “You fucking bitch,” he spits out through gritted teeth. 

Quickly, you retrieve your fallen phone and sprint to your room, desperate to hide from him. Shaking, you can’t get your keys into the lock. From your peripheral, you see him get back up slowly, limping towards you, holding onto his crotch like some perverted zombie. You continuously press the lock button on your phone, attempting to trigger the SOS signal as he closes the distance.

Suddenly, the next door swings open and Eren hovers over Floch, growling, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Your assailant shrinks, waving his hands in front of him in a pathetic surrender. “Whoa…Nothing man, I wasn’t doing anything.”

“You owe her an apology.”

“Huh? She’s the one who kicked my nuts – ’

“Did I fucking stutter? Apologize to her. Right fucking now, dipshit.” 

“Okay, okay.” He peeks around Eren’s massive form to apologize. “I’m sorry.”

You don’t speak, staring at them in a catatonic state. 

Eren steps forward, towering over him. “Now get the fuck away from her and wait outside your own goddamn apartment. And if you bother her again, I won’t be so nice.”

Without another word, Floch hobbles off, heading upstairs to the third level.

Eren looks at you, expression switching immediately from outrage to concern. “Are you okay?”

You’re still trembling as you nod. “Yeah. I’m…I’m okay.”

“Did he hurt you?” 

“No. I kicked him in the balls before he could do anything.” You turn the handle to open the door, which you finally manage to get unlocked. “Thank you. That was…crazy.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I heard your voice from outside and I knew something was wrong. I’m glad I came out when I did.”

“Me too.” For some reason, you’re nervous to look at him, so you keep your focus on the ground. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Thank you again.”

“It was nothing. Seriously. I’m here anytime you need me.”

You stand, frozen in place with fear and adrenaline coursing through your veins. Eren’s voice, despite being beside you, seems distant.

“You’re shaking,” he notices, watching you carefully.

“Yeah, I’m just…I don’t know. I wish my roommate was here. I don’t want to be alone right now.” Unfortunately, Hannah decided last minute to study for finals at her boyfriend’s this weekend.

After a moment of contemplation, he says, “You can stay at my place. Until you’re feeling better.”

“Are you sure? You don’t feel weird about this?” 

“No. We’re friends. Right?” It’s more of a question he wants confirmed, unsure himself. 

You smile at him. “Yes. Friends.” 

~~~

He leads her inside his apartment, waving over to the couch. “I’ll be back. I’m going to get a pillow and a blanket.”  

Prior to heading into his bedroom, he goes into the bathroom, staring at his reflection in the mirror. She’s in his apartment in the middle of the night, and he’s almost certain she will be sleeping here. She’s scared and traumatized from that asshole who attacked her, and she didn’t want to be alone, so he offered to help. 

Has he crossed the line? Is this okay?

Back downstairs, he hands her a pillow and throw blanket. “Here you go. Let me know if you need anything else.” 

He’s ready to march right upstairs, slam his door shut, and pretend that this is all totally normal. That he’s totally fine. This is what friends do. They help each other. And that’s what they are now. Friends.

“Wait.”

She looks at him, eyes precious, innocent, and sweet. Arms wrapped tightly around the pillow. It has him melting like ice cream on a hot summer day. 

“Can you…stay with me a while?”

He swallows loudly, nervous and excited all at once. “Of course.”

She smiles softly, laying on the cushion with the blanket surrounding her. He kneels on the floor beside her, still in awe that this is happening. 

“It smells like you,” she says, nose pressed into the pillow. 

He laughs. “Is that a good or a bad thing?” 

“Good. It smells good.”

It’s too much. He’s about to explode from glee. On the edge of the couch, he rests his arm, laying his head on it, gazing at her. He wants to brush the hair away from her forehead. Caress her delicate cheek with his hand. “Are you okay?”

“Still a little freaked out.” 

“We should report it. I’ll let Onyankopon know now – ”

“We can talk to him in the morning. I don’t want to be left alone right now.” Her hand sneaks out from under the covers, inches from his. There’s electricity flickering in the small space. It jolts throughout his body, firing synapses into his brain. 

“Can I hold your hand?” she asks, voice trembling.

He’s convinced he’s dreaming now. There’s no way this is happening. But it is. She’s here in front of him. As real as ever.

He hesitates, “Are you sure?” 

She nods, carefully sliding her hand over his. 

Everything plays in slow motion. They press their palms together slowly, fingertips lined up perfectly, skin-on-skin igniting the ember that still remains from months ago. Savoring this moment before it gets taken away. Their fingers interlock, fitting seamlessly as if they belong exactly like this.

Breathless, he asks again, “Are you sure this is okay?” His whole body vibrates from the palpations overwhelming his chest, still in disbelief this is actually happening. 

“Yes, Eren.” Her voice is soft, supple. It soothes him, makes him feel at peace. 

“I don’t want to rush this.”

“Me neither.” 

They remain in this position for a while, cherishing it for all it’s worth. So much is communicated between them without speaking. It’s in the eyes, their touch. The warmth that she emits, filling him up with euphoria he can’t find elsewhere.

It’s different this time. It’s right. He’ll do everything in his power not to mess it up again. His word lost all value the second he used it against her. So instead of telling her how he feels, he has to show her. Prove to her that he’s no longer afraid.

~~~

“Can I show you something?” He looks at you tenderly, eyes sparkling like brilliant emeralds unearthed through the dust. 

Curious, you agree, giving him your full attention, a flutter in your belly from the anticipation. 

He places your palm over his chest, holding you gently against him. Through the cotton of his shirt, you feel his heart pounding hard and fast. 

“This is how I feel about you. This is what you do to me.”

You keep steady, relishing the rhythmic thumping of his heartbeat. Understanding exactly what he’s trying to convey to you. 

The two of you were always lost in translation, unsure how the other felt, what the other wanted. You were on different pages, sometimes even in two different worlds. Somehow, someway, you are brought together again, now in the same orbit, revolving one other like the universe intended it. 

Your story with Eren has already been written. It began at the start of fall semester, almost a year ago, and ended a few months later, before the bitter cold of winter. There are no rewrites, no rewinds to change the events that occurred. Mistakes were made, hearts were broken, a chance at love was lost. Far from a fairytale ending.

Maybe this is the beginning of the sequel, a story about two people who are far from perfect finding their way back to each other for one last shot. Picking up the shattered fragments to build something beautiful from the ground up, piece by piece. There may be cracks or missing parts throughout. In the end, maybe it’ll be a masterpiece you can both be proud of, flaws and all. 

----------

End Note: Thank you for all of you who have taken the time to read Rush the whole way through. It’s been such a fun ride and I hope it was worth it. The love and support I’ve gotten throughout means so much to me, I can’t thank you enough! I have a few ideas about what I want to write next, so stay tuned! 

----------

Tag List: @jaegerxeren @thelovewitch0v0 @hippiecultz @silver-foxling-blog @eren-slut @littlelaur27 @mokyowife @thenamesaceee @mxnst3rz @itswhits @diamandveins @ritzzberitzz @xartisticoutletx @izukusupreme @erensfavblackie @tippy-toes @monbebe101 @crtzrulestheworld @maqqiekwon @where-the-blackbirds-sing @minibold @hilichurl01 @jbird0508 @rainzelenia @anonbbygirlsblog @prettygirllisa @ctrllovre @4522-08 @laiorelle @pompompurjin @inbriannawestrust @alicebleu @sparkles-and-rust @neopussytechnology @kpopisbaeforever @kindmarely @weasleyisourking1 @taqsyq @guesswhosback129 @shinisthebest @hiromihanagaki @therarestruby @lovinghirotaka

[mwolf0epsilon]

Sometimes being in the SW Fandom is about diving into the annals of the internet researching the most obscure tidbit of batshit insane Canon or EU Lore imaginable to man (which is honestly my favorite thing to do because people have done some pretty insanely funny things with this universe and characters). But for the majority of the time, being in the SW Fandom is also watching people repeat a cycle of asinine arguments that make an absolute ass out of them for the worst possible reasons.

So here's a quick reminder of past arguments to be mindful of and always consider, when you see something in the tags that makes you wrinkle your nose at:

Everyone has something they like or dislike about the overall universe and story. Be it the Original Trilogy, the Prequels, the Sequels, the Animated series, the Live-Action series, EU stuff, Novels, etc. No one is above or below anyone else just because they don't love the entirety of the universe and/or the direction the current writers are taking it.

Canon can be a good baseline for your own creative purposes. You don't have to love it (because yes the whole thing can be inconsistent as hell), but don't get to a point in your fanfic/AU world-building where you vehemently deny that canon is an actual thing. This goes hand in hand with your personal depiction of characters vs someone else's depictions. Reading comprehension and the creative process depend on perspective and how you process the information you're given, so it's only normal that no two person's idea of a character is the same. But saying that your headcanons are how the characters should be written by everyone is not gonna do you any favors in the long run, because it's not up to you to decide on that. Don't forget Blorbo's actual roots and what it took to get him where you took him, but don't try to force someone else to accept the journey you orchestrated for them!

No one's OC should be put on a pedestal. It's good that people feel comfortable enough to play Barbies with each other's OCs in roleplay sessions, or even add a cameo in a fic to a character of a friend and/or artist/writer they admire from a distance. Hell, the fact many people are passionate about someone else's little fella/s is great! But the moment someone's OC becomes an object of obsession within a Fandom community, things can go a little wrong... It stops being fun to be in that kind of space that goes from welcoming OC discussions to suddenly shunning new people in favor of someone's Ultimate Blorbo who now has a Cult Following and should be written into every fanfic ever.

No one is evil for lacking knowledge or self-awareness of certain grievances that people rightfully have with the source material. The SW Fandom has always had a long-standing issue with racial stereotyping, whitewashing, cultural appropriation, sexism and many other equally serious topics that have been more eloquently explained in posts made by people much more eloquent and qualified than I am or ever will be. However, one must recognize that not everyone who joins the Fandom is immediately aware of these things. Especially the younger generations that have either not been exposed to these concepts due to one reason or another (upbringing, biased educational curriculum, etc), or because they were simply never in a position where they could delve into these topics with someone knowledgeable on them (some experiences simply aren't universal, especially if you come from a more privileged family). For the most part, SW is just a silly sci-fi universe that is nothing more than a simple means of escapism or dumb fun. Not everyone is going to study it under a microscope or go through it with a fine comb. That said, another important thing to remember is to listen to those who know their stuff and that have had personal grievances with any of the topics above. You can be excused for lack of knowledge, but you cannot be excused for purposefully ignoring the voices of those who provide you said knowledge for free if you go searching.

This is kinda returning to the second and previous topics, but I really need to put emphasis on this: If you're going to cling to certain design choices with an iron first and incorporate them into your personal ideas/headcanons, please always consider how it SOUNDS when you say characters that are written with basis on real POC people/communities are much better/superior if they have phenotypical trait expressions that are not present (or considered rare/atypical) in their real world basis. This is a CONSISTENT problem I have seen crop up specifically within the Clone Wars and Bad Batch sides of the fandom, especially when talking about Rex (who is a blond) and Clone Force 99 (who do not look like standard clones). Always remember: The problem isn't that Rex can't be naturally blond (genetics can be unpredictable and we really don't have an extensive look into the cloning process), the problem is the way some people think he'd be inferior in some way if he were a bottle blond who chose to distinguish himself (almost as if having darker skin, darker hair and darker eyes is somehow worse than having lighter skin, lighter hair or lighter eyes.. How curious isn't it?). Needless to say, I don't think I need to elaborate further on why CF99's "desirable mutations" giving them considerably lighter skin and less ethnic features, while also making their most POC presenting member look and sometimes act like a moronic brute (something which this Fandom pushes further by infantilizing him relentlessly), is a bit of a red flag...

Star Wars has always been political. It is literally in the name and in the meat of the writing. The entire thing is basically a political and social critique presented in a sci-fi/fantasy wrapper, with colorful plasma swords, cool spaceships, and kickass explosion bow on top. You cannot separate the political conversation from the universe's overall lore, and trying to do so makes you look foolish. Disney may have taken creative liberties with some of its shows, but at the end of the day they can't ever eliminate what the Original Trilogies and even the Prequels tried to tell us about. With that said, complaining about how some of the new shows are "too Woke" or PC is the equivalent of saying you read Romeo and Juliet and that the story is relationship goals. You might need to revisit the original material.

For the love of god if you don't like something, don't go after someone who does, it's not worth it. Sometimes the best thing you can do is either filter something you actively dislike/that makes you feel uncomfortable, or simply unfollow/block whoever is repeatedly bringing it onto your doorstep. And you also have no real obligation to explain your decision to block someone, especially if they hound you for questions. Rule of thumb: Don't like something? That's perfectly fine and valid. Take the steps to make yourself comfortable then, but don't go out of your way to be a royal asshole to someone else just because they themselves enjoy it. This encompasses things from anti-jedi demonization, actual ethnic cleansing in canon, siding with personifications of alt-right extremists, proshipping apologism, etc. The block button was added to this hellsite for a reason. Use it.

Sometimes you can't change someone else's opinions on a matter and that is perfectly fine. Just don't start a feud. People come and go, and their opinions vary (we're all individuals with out own perspectives and unique experiences after all), but getting up in arms every time someone either refuses to yield in a long-winded argument, or continuously tries to shove their unsolicited opinions/advice onto you, or even makes incredibly uncomfortable/forward/gross comments that they definitely shouldn't be saying to a complete stranger on the internet, is kind of pointless and will drain you of energy faster than you can say Death Star. You're not the lesser person for walking away from a lost cause. It's ultimately not your job or responsibility to fix/better someone else. Especially if they don't want to change.

[notlongtolove]

From the fanfic emoji ask thingy: 🦉

hELLOOO thank u for the ask! (🦉Is there another author that helped inspire you to write?) the sad truth is... honesty hours over here yall! i havent actually done much reading ever since i started school (im a fRAUD! english majors everywhr throwing tomatoes ik ik its sad) i used to read so much but after reading became such a part of my curriculum it kinda took the joy and fun out of reading for pleasure, for me at least. a kind of book enjoying fatigue if you will. i try to enjoy poetry here and there when i can but its been so long since ive picked up a book outside of school to read (not saying the books i read for school are all that boring but its not the same sigh) fanfic and fic authors though... ohhhhh thats a whole other story :))) there are so many fic authors on here that i LURVEEE i love when writers work external concepts into fics, it elevates the writing sm more for me, makes it that much more interesting to consume as a reader. i love it. eat it up every time. i love works w external concepts i love when authors go off tangent a lil or a lot. it draws me into the story world that much further ahhh

the patzer's gambit ; serendipity by @ophelia-is-complex (life changing. i think i could actually recite parts of this every single work on the entire masterlist bc of how much ive reread it)

trolley problem by @nereidprinc3ss (jaw dropping. insane. life changing also) those 2 to name a few! love it. love them. kinda why i decided to center time present and time past around einsteins theory of relativity and post it on a whim lol.

i also love the way @luveline and @sanguineterrain write, esp when it comes to dialogue and description. everything they write just comes off so naturally and flows so so well i swear sometimes i forget im jst reading smth on my phone bc i can actually visualise everyth in my head. sometimes if i find the dialogue im writing a lil clunky or cheesy ill call it a night and immerse myself in their masterlists woohoo

im alw worried my dialogue comes off as unrealistic or overly cheesy bc even though english is the main language where im from we speak it in a very colloquial way with our own slang and lingo which is very very different from the westernised way of speaking thats in most shows i watch (on that note i saw bits of the english language discourse started by that rogue anon on my tl today which was cray.)

anyways wow sorry this got so long i think i yapped too much but thank you for the ask <3 <3 <3

[starfall-spirit]

Read on Ao3

Part 2

Summary: Tairn and Andarna become a pair of overbearing pains when they find out Violet's pregnant.

AN: This is a silly HEA fic way down the road with no major spoilers

"Come on. I want to get airborn before the flight field is super busy and people try to stop us for things."

Xaden chuckled. "Gods forbid we listen as leaders should."

She scowled. "You know that's not what I meant. But we haven't had a day for just the two of us in months." She threw her arms around his neck, tugging him down to press her lips to his throat. "I want to fly with you. So come on."

He hummed. "I'm starting to think you aren't speaking literally."

"Humans," Tairn grumbled, "either shield, or stop this and get to the flight field."  It was all too easy to imagine her dragon waiting there, tail swishing in agitation.

"Have a little patience,"  she replied, pulling away from Xaden. "We're on our way."

Lacing their fingers together, Violet tugged him towards the entrance nearest the flight field. It was a beautiful morning, the November air biting just enough as they climbed higher to warrant the winter-weight flight jacket the riders would be using through March. Violet smiled as the reached the top where their dragons and several others were either waiting for riders or taking to the skies. The curriculum in Aretia reflected that of Basgiath, especially now that the Navarrian school was under better leadership with the mind to keep things honest. With Threshing two weeks behind them, the novelty of being a rider had yet to wear off and the paired cadets were still flying as often as their classes and dragons would allow it.

Stopping in front of their dragons, Violet smiled. "Good morning," she chirped. "Ready?"

Tairn gave a soft growl. "You will not be flying today. You're in no condition."

"I'm fine. I even brought a heavy jacket. I won't catch a cold or something, Tairn." Her dragon straightened, standing tall enough she had no chance of mounting. Xaden dragged his eyes away from Sgaeyl, trying to puzzle out the private conversation she and Tairn were sharing. She shifted on her feet awkwardly. Their repuation as a bonded pair drew a lot of natural attention, but this display, refusing to let her mount, was taking the cake. She didn't realize being in a public disagreement with her dragon would be so humiliating. "Tairn, do you know something I don't?"

"Dragons do not carry pregnant riders. That, Silver One, should be common knowledge."

Her jaw dropped. "I'm pregnant?"

"Every dragon here knew it from the moment you arrived." His tone seemed to soften a bit. "And not a single one of them would disagree with my position on this matter. You are not to fly or spar until you've delivered the child."

"Violet, what did he just tell you?" Xaden asked, hesitant to pry.

She lifted her eyes to Sgaeyl first. "It is your place to tell him, Violet, not ours."

"Thank you." Though their first few years in each other's orbit had been more about cold assessment than anything else, six years down the road, Violet would dare to say the blue dragon liked her.

"She never disliked you, Silver One, but her fondness has grown."

"Vi?"  Xaden frowned. "Let's go talk. We can come back this evening."

~~~~~

"Care to tell me what you and Tairn know that has my wife looking shell-shocked?"

"That's for the girl to share," Sgaeyl told him, closing the subject entirely. 

"I won't be flying for a while," Violet whispers, hands wrapped around a cup of tea her sister insisted on fixing her when they crossed paths earlier. The two elder Sorrengails lingered like mother hens until Violet finally had enough and headed back to their room to have a private conversation. "A long while, actually."

"Is something wrong with you or Tairn?"

"Not... wrong." She lifted her eyes back to Xaden's, giving him a soft smile as she set her cup down on the nightstand on her side of the bed. "We've been trying for a while now." Her hand slid low over her stomach and he froze. "I didn't even realize until Tairn refused to let me mount this morning."

"Are you serious? You're..." He launched forwards, wrapping her in his arms before lowering them both to lay on their sides. "You're pregnant?"

She nodded, eyes bright. "I take it you're a little excited about that?" she teased.

He had been the one to suggest they stop taking birth control last year. Things had finally settled, they were ridiculously in love with their wedding long behind them, and things were as safe as they were ever going to be. There had been long talks some evenings about that future they'd build. What they wanted to see in the home they welcomed a child to, agreements and disagreements both. But they ultimately knew what they wanted for themselves and their children. A house full of love, where they didn't have to worry about what they'd faced in their own childhood. Their children would not be forced into one quadrant or molded into an obedient soldier.

One little change at a time, they'd build that better life, together.

[hetalia-club]

Been fooling around with a College Professor AU

Here’s what I got tell me what you guys think. (Their name is what students call them btw)

Prof. Feliciano or just Feliciano (North Italy) Teaches: Fine Arts A really fun teacher. You’re allowed to drink, eat. He doesn’t think students should have to raise their hands to talk and encourages people to just shout answers out at him whoever can answer first will get a piece of candy or something. You can really do anything. All that he asks is you do the assignments he gives which are normally pretty fun and hands on. You will never have to write a single paper in this class mostly because he doesn’t want to grade it. He’s a very eccentric guy and there is really nothing about him to hate as a teacher unless you really like a boring class. Every time you set foot in his class something new will happen. Sometimes you will watch Bob Ross videos. Other times you will be watching him paint a master piece. Or he will have the class paint or sculpt. Regardless of what he assigns you can be that it will be a lot of fun.

Prof. Vargas (South Italy) Teaches: Art History and Architecture He has a select few people in his class he actually likes. He’s known for having a temper and hates stupid questions. You can eat in his class so long if you give him some. He has been known to assign 15 page reports and threaten that it is a “huge part of your midterm” and make students stress over it and when he grades it, it will just be participation. A lot of people don’t like him but if you’re one of his favorites then you can get away with just about anything. But if you happen to find him outside of class he will be a complete different person. He’s even been known to buy his students drinks or pay for their meals if he seems them out in a restaurant.

Professor Beilschmidt or Herr Beilschmidt (Germany) Teaches: German It is a no nonsense classroom. You don’t speak unless you are called on. You don’t ask questions until he’s done talking and you will hand in all of your assignments on time or it is a big fat 0 no exceptions. He doesn’t care if you were hit by a car. If you found the time to email him and tell him you should of had the time to do the assignment. Huge assignments ever single class. The man really likes to grade essays. He’s not a mean teacher so long as you don’t get under his skin. He is known for throwing chalk & erasers at people when they turn around in their seats. He has near perfect aim to and will always get you in the back of the head. (I gave him this trait because my German teacher in HS did this and I always thought it was funny. It didn’t hurt I want to make that clear)

Sargent Beilschmidt (Prussia) Teaches: Military Science He runs a pretty tight ship most of the time. Don’t you dare even think about eating or speaking out of turn. He will have random days where he does not feel like being a teacher and he will just put on a historical military movie or a documentary and he’ll take a nap or read a book. He doesn’t give out many assignments just some random huge ones throughout the year.

Professor Honda (Japan) Teaches: History of Asia He’s a very quiet teacher. That is very literal. The class has to be dead silent to even hear what he is saying. Taking his class requires a lot of note taking. He goes through curriculum fast. Start a chapter on Monday and taking a test on Friday fast. Granted if you do all of the many assignments he gives and take good notes which he will let you use on tests then you will pass his class with flying colors. He is good about answering questions and will even keep his door unlocked so students can come in after class to ask things. He’s got major favorite teacher vibes because he’s such a chill guy.

Mister Jones, Prof. Alfred, Doc, hey you (will respond to anything)(America) Teaches: Astronomy and Aero Space Engineering (Rocket science) If you have him as a teacher he is probably your favorite. He has a vending machine in his class room.  This may be college but you best believe he will be wheeling in the TV to watch ancient aliens where he will debunk what is being said the entire time. He gives like no homework. He has no problems getting people to attend class. He has a problem with getting people to leave his class. Students that don’t even have him as a teacher come in on their days off just to hang out with him in his class. His students are always bringing him gifts and snacks. He will organize extra credit meet ups where students can meet him somewhere to stargaze. If you don’t do an assignment you can just be honest with him and tell him “Yeah I just didn’t feel like doing it yesterday” and he’ll say something like. “Hey that’s cool just do it before the end of the week and email it to me”

Dr. Braginski or Professor Braginski (He’s not picky over the Doctor Title) (Russia) Teaches: Chemical Engineering & Chemistry He’s actually a really nice teacher. He just doesn’t do well with leveling with the students. He won’t extend deadlines on assignments. He has a really high grade curve and he expects everyone to be as smart as he is. Most of his classes consist of labs and he doesn’t really like grading papers that much so he won’t assign many but when he does they are 20 page requirements and worth over half your grade. Students who have him for a couple of years learn his personality and start to understand him and he becomes a favorite. But first and second years tend to think he’s mean and crabby. But once they grasp the dry humor and sarcasm they start to like him. Still though even if he’s your favorite teacher don’t push him and think that means that you can blow off classes with no excuse and assignments because he will make sure you have extra homework assigned and push you harder your next class.

Professor Kirkland or Sir (England) Teaches: English Language Arts He tries to make his class fun but his idea of fun is writing a 12 page analysis over Romeo and Juliet. He’s known for being very sarcastic and a bit moody. You never know how his personality will be when you walk into his class. He could be your favorite teacher that day and leave you wondering ‘Hm why do I hate him so much again?’ and then the next day you will leave his class and think ‘Oh yeah that’s why’. He is under the impression that he is the favorite teacher out of everyone on campus though for some reason. His end of the year project is legendary for being brutal. He requires each of his students to write an entire novel. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have an idea for one or don’t have the time. That is the assignment and you will do it and do it well or you will fail the entire class. His class is so difficult and stressful a lot of students drop it in the first week. But if you stick with it you’ll get a ton of learning done.

Professor Francis (France) Teaches: Cinematography and Film Studies His class involves a lot of movie watching which makes since for the classes he teaches. You have to be a major film buff to enjoy this class because everything he will want to talk about will be related to class and film. It’s clearly his passion and all he really cares about. The types of films you watch will be French independent films that make zero sense but he seems to think they make perfect sense and he will leave it up to you to figure it out. Granted if you don’t like analyzing movies you are in the wrong classes in his defense. His classes can feel repetitive since ever class is ‘watch movie, analyze, write paper’ then you just repeat that the next class. But at least students know what they are walking into. He has a reputation for flirting with his students as well so that makes him popular with some.

Professor Yao, Mr. Yao (China) Teaches: Mandarin Now here is a student favorite. He’s so popular because of how relaxed his class is. He will often make big meals and bring it in for his class to eat while they work. He will put on movies in Mandarin some days and the class can just watch and listen. The only problem with him as a teacher is he really likes grading homework so there will be a lot of it. Maybe too much for a language class. But if you pay attention to him and do all the work you will be fluent as a native speaker by the time you are out of college. He is known for having some out bursts. But that is part of what makes him so loveable. He yells at students a lot but it never feels hateful. It can be hard to get used to but once you’ve had him for a year you’ll love him. He has students hanging around his class way after it’s let out just talking about sports and anything and everything.

[epitomereally]

You’re so talented. Every time your fan binding pictures cross my dash I stare at them for *hours*. The amount of care and detail you put into your books blows my mind. I know you talk about the process for each individual book on your fic binding posts but I wanted to ask: how do you plan your fic binds? Do you visualize what the fic would look like if it were a book while you read it? Do the colors and illustrations you choose come to you as you read the fic, or after? How does your approach to fic binding differ from your approach to writing? Etc. I’m curious about your creative process, though the technical part is also super interesting!

Ps: I love all the fics you chose to bind but I was so excited when you picked GallaPlacidia’s Ship of Theseus - probably my favorite of theirs. You have great taste 😁💚

Eek Elise THANK YOU! I’m so flattered & honored. Also always happy to talk fanbinding, especially binding design (my one true love)!

I would say planning takes the vast majority of my binding time—it’s something I love and I agonize over and I struggle with—while the actual binding often goes quite quickly! I often start with one element that I’m excited about & feel fits the the specific fic: a color or spine stitching pattern or a chapter title concept or title page (like the hand-dyed cover + birds for You Open Always or the blooming morning glories for Meet Me at Midnight) and then, because I have no chill or a single subtle bone in my body, I just roll with that element through the whole book until it’s totally exhausted (wish I could spoil some of my upcoming binds here, but you will SEE VERY SHORTLY what I mean). Every single time I make a book, around the time where I’m printing out the typeset, I feel that I’ve made a grievous error in including one more item than I should have, like it’s way too much. An example is the blackletter ornate font I ended up using for the title of You Open Always—you can see in my draft Illustrator document where I was trying out tons of concepts using stock images that most of my title page concepts were with a much simpler, more modern font that I used for the chapter numbers. However, in the end, I’ve always been happy that I’ve gone completely 100% on my vision, even if it’s a lot. In that way, I feel like it’s like writing—I may be incorporating all the elements I want to see imperfectly and have doubts about them, but I’m still putting everything I want in there & I’m proud and happy for that, even if I still have more things to learn.

One last design element I want to highlight: BODY FONT! This is something I am still learning so much about and the Renegade Discord has been incredibly helpful (a recent message I sent: what font would you find in a pulpy 60s mystery paperback?). A gorgeous title page or chapter header or cover is great for setting the mood when you open a book, but the body font is 90%+ of what you see when reading, so I spend a TON of time trying different fonts to fit the vibe of the fic. I have no thoughts or advice or guidelines though—it’s like porn & you just know it when you see it.

I also get a ton of inspiration from fellow fanbinders, both on the Renegade Discord server & here on tumblr. A lot of time, I see a technique or cover or typeset and think that that would look incredible for XYZ fic. An extremely abbreviated list of people who inspire me daily: @a-gay-old-time (Emma, you're a BLESSING), @queercore-curriculum, @bindsbymunchkin, @pleasantboatpress (one of the most welcoming members of the Renegade server, in addition to being an incredibly inspiring binder), @chubsonthemoon, @no-name-publishing, @zhalfirin-binds, @dontcallmebree, @amywaterwings & @runawaymarbles. Sorry for all the tags, but want this as a resource for others! I would absolutely love to know how all of you come up with your artistic vision for the binds that you do (and please tag me if you post!). 

P.s. Ship of Theseus was a request from QC but I am SO HAPPY they requested it, because it’s one of my favorites too :)

[thesunshinebehindyourdestruction]

I teach Sunday school on Sundays. So the academic year is about to start up for Sunday school in a couple weeks and we have a staff meeting today about it. They overhauled the whole curriculum this year, so instead of each grade discussing one subject, all of the grades are discussing a bunch of smaller subjects. I was reviewing the new curriculum yesterday and mapping out the year before today’s staff meeting, and one of the subjects I’m supposed to teach about is Israel. I’m supposed to teach where it is on a map, what the major cities are and a few facts about each city, and the first couple lines of the national anthem. And I was like… I really don’t feel comfortable teaching all that to children??? In an AMERICAN JEWISH education??? Like, support for Israel and Zionism is not an inherent part of Judaism and isn’t necessary for a Jewish education, and if I AM going to talk about Israel to my students I think it’s important for them to also learn about Palestine and the conflict especially in today’s political climate. And like, idk how many of the teachers and the families are Zionists and how many aren’t, so hopefully I’ll get SOME support on this, but I emailed my boss last night basically saying all that. So here’s hoping we can either strike Israel from the curriculum completely or at least talk about the Palestinian POV if we do have to discuss Israel 😓

When I was growing up at this synagogue I was taught about Israel, and when I was older we briefly discussed the conflict, but in a biased Zionist way. I don’t want these kids to have a biased education like I did. I want them to make their own decisions about what’s right and wrong, based in our Jewish morals. And what Israel is doing to Palestine right now does not align with Jewish morals.

[thegeminisage]

it's time for a star trek update: finale edition. wednesday we watched ds9's "in the hands of the prophets" and tng's "descent part i."

in the hands of the prophets (ds9):

ok first of all it's fucking wack how relevant this shit still is like more than 20 yeasrs later. miss politician literally just pulled a r*n des*ntis trying to rile up her base about religious panic to get votes that she lacked

secondly they BOMBED a SCHOOL??? actually it works as a nice reminder of how the bajorans made their pleasure known under cardassian rule...for awhile there, federation was no different

LOVED o'brien being willing to beat a guy senseless for making his wife sad. good for him.

DID NOT LIKE kira and sisko fighting...........i liked that kira had that wake-up call at the end but i feel like ds9 has been a little unclear on whether or not she was a true believer til now, and i was a little surprised she thought the curriculum needed changin at first - then i was like well yeah i guess she was really upset when kai opaka died but then at the end she was like guess i'm not as much of a believer as i'd like to be! so a little hazy. but that might be a me problem

i liked that sisko took the time to sit down w jake and be like. people have a right to religion. lest this episode seem one-sided or unfair. it was a nice touch

the assassin being obriens little shadow was SUCH a nice touch but once they let you in on the joke she's like always suspiciously in the back and it kept cracking us up

the flirting scene was really good also. "on your toes o'brien" he read the room and headed immediately for the exit and good for him i love him sm. probably my favorite part of the entire ep i laughed really hard

overall felt like a weird choice for a finale, but not necessarily a BAD episode, just one of their weaker ones. i would have picked duet for sure but i guess it just doesn't involve as many characters, let alone Sisko, The Main Character

though side bar ther ehas been a disappointing lack of sisko-centric content in s1...........all he really got was the pilot and the plot with jake sneaking out to teach nog to read. fingers crossed for more of him in s2

descent part i (tng):

DATA....................................

the reason i was banned from reading the summary of this ep prior to watching was that it spoiled literally all 3 major plot twists 1. data gets an emotion 2. the borg 3. lore

i felt geordi was a little dismissive of data having an emotion here ("how would you know it's really anger") but i liked that deanna treated him really niceys. i thought his brainwashing at the end was a little scary but ULTIMATEL not his fault!!! somebody save my boy

i looooove seeing the borg again. even though these guys aren't the real borg i love the borg in any form <3

shoutout to hugh and that time picard DIDN'T experiment on a sentient being like a lab rat! and then this whole episode he was like damn i should have experimented on his ass. never change ig.

back to geordi, i think he should have helped data with the experiment. i don't know that it could have changed anything but it might have given them a clue...like yeah data is taking his life into his hands or whatever but geordi surely has a phaser. like he could say END PROGRAM at any time. furthermore, surely he culd ask data to step out and then tell the computer to PRETEND it was putting data's life in danger without actually doing it? it's wack that the holodeck can and nearly has killed people by the way. unethical horrific technology.

oh and i almost forgot how cool was it that the REAL LIFE STEPHEN HAWKING was in this episode, playing himself...and gambling :') i bet he was so stoked that was literally so fucking cool. i hope he had a great time

TONIGHT: tng's "descent part ii" and ds9's "the homecoming."

[grits-galraisedinthesouth]

Put down your shovel Ron DeSantis! 🤦‍♂️

Thank God for John James. I wish I had a twatter account just so I could HIGH 5 him. I've actually written 2 Tumblr Draft Posts venting about this online insanity. I still might share my thoughts here, but for now John James of Michigan nailed it.

From JohnJamesMI to RonDeSantis:

#1: slavery was not CTE! Nothing about that 400 years of evil was a “net benefit” to my ancestors. #2: there are only five black Republicans in Congress and you’re attacking two of them. My brother in Christ… if you find yourself in a deep hole put the shovel down. You are now so far from the Party of Lincoln that your Ed. board is re-writing history and you’re personally attacking conservatives like VoteTimScott and ByronDonalds on the topic of slavery. You’ve gone too far. Stop.

https://twitter.com/JohnJamesMI/status/1685020441692225536?s=20

Ron DeSantis Slams GOP Rival Tim Scott for Criticism of Florida Black History Curriculum

Scott is the second Black Republican DeSantis has attacked on the issue as siding with Democrats

Published 07/28/23 Marc Caputo

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis accused a Republican presidential campaign rival, Sen. Tim Scott, of laundering Democratic talking points by suggesting that the Sunshine State wanted to teach kids there was a “silver lining” to slavery.”

“Part of the reason our country has struggled is that all too often D.C. Republicans accept false narratives, accept lies that are perpetrated by the left," DeSantis said Friday while campaigning in Iowa. "And to accept the lie that Kamala Harris has been perpetrating even when that has been debunked, that's not the way you do it. The way you do it, the way you lead, is to fight back against the lies. So I'm here defending my state of Florida against false accusations and lies."

DeSantis’s counter marked the second day in a row of responding to a Black Republican criticizing him over the education standards by comparing them Harris, the first Black vice president, who traveled last week to Florida and bashed DeSantis. 

On Thursday, he similarly swiped at Florida Republican Rep. Byron Donalds, a supporter of Donald Trump in the presidential primary who called for a slight adjustment in the education standards that say slaves developed skills which, in some instances, could be applied for their personal benefit.”

DeSantis pointed out that Harris and other Black Democrats had embraced an AP African American history course that they backed —and that he opposed — had substantially similar language about slaves learning “specialized trades” but “nobody said anything about that.”But Scott, the only Black Republican senator, later that evening took DeSantis to task. 

“The truth is that anything you can learn, any benefits that people suggest you had during slavery, you would have had as a free person,” Scott told reporters. “What slavery was really about was separating families, about mutilating humans and even raping their wives. It was just devastating.” 

DeSantis has repeatedly pointed out the state standards clearly teach the evils of history and racism

Lost in the discussion over the slavery issue is another major controversy concerning the standards that indicates kids should learn about violence “by African Americans” before they were massacred by rampaging white people. 

DeSantis's feud with Black lawmakers from both parties who don’t support himerupted as his campaign struggled to regain its footing after financial troubles and struggles in the polls. Trump leads DeSantis by wide margins with Scott in third in many surveys. 

DeSantis advisers say he won’t back down in the face of criticism, even as the controversy has raged into its second week and, according to critics, helped undercut his message that he will be a better general election candidate to defeat Joe Biden because he can get more independent and swing voters. 

DeSantis Attacks GOP Rep. Donalds Over Criticism of Florida Black History Curriculum

The Republican presidential candidate and Florida governor also took aim at Vice President Kamala Harris 07/27/23

Marc Caputo

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis swiped at a reporter and accused a fellow home state Republican congressman Thursday of siding with Democratic Vice President Kamala Harris for saying that a controversial state curriculum provision about slavery should be changed.

DeSantis said Rep. Byron Donalds —who endorsed Donald Trump in the presidential primary over the governor — was wrong to say that the new Florida standards suggested suggested that slavery was beneficial to some slaves.

After those standards passed last week, Harris flew to Florida and accused DeSantis of trying to whitewash history.

But DeSantis stuck back, noting that Harris and other Democratic critics had endorsed an Advanced Placement Black history studies course that had a similar point.At the end of the day, you gotta choose: Are you gonna side with Kamala Harris and liberal media outlets? Are you going to side with the state of Florida? And I think it’s very clear these guys these guys did a good job on those standards,” DeSantis told reporters.

The standards in question say that “slaves developed skills which, in some instances, could be applied for their personal benefit.”

DeSantis mispronounced Harris's first name (which sounds like “comma-lah”) but later sounded it out properly.

“Don’t side with Kam-a-la on that. Stand up for your state,” DeSantis told Donalds.

The row came at a low point for DeSantis’s presidential campaign as he reels from financial woes, layoffs and bad poll numbers vs. Trump. When Donald spoke up via Twitter with a mild suggestion DeSantis amend the language, the governor’s campaign and executive office both criticized him.

After the blowback, Donalds took to Twitter to say that “What's crazy to me is I expressed support for the vast majority of the new African American history standards and happened to oppose one sentence that seemed to dignify the skills gained by slaves as a result of their enslavement.

“Anyone who can't accurately interpret what I said is disingenuous and is desperately attempting to score political points,” Donalds wrote. “Just another reason why l'm proud to have endorsed President Donald J. Trump!”

DeSantis also had a testy exchange with a reporter who asked “were there benefits to slavery?”

“That’s not what the curriculum says,” DeSantis shot back.

“What do you think?” the reporter asked.

“The curriculum is very clear. I think it’s like 200-plus pages of all kinds of stuff that —you can’t read that. Have you read it?” DeSantis responded.

When the reporter didn’t answer the governor’s question, he asked again “Have you read it?”What’s your opinion?” the reporter repeated.

“But you haven’t read it,” DeSantis said. “So I’m just making that clear. That makes it very clear about the injustices of slavery in vivid detail. So anyone that actually read that and then listens to Kamala would know that she’s lying. And that particular provision about the skills, that was in spite of slavery not because of it.”

“The AP course has made that same point,” DeSantis continued. “Other courses have made that same point. Nobody said anything about that.”

The fight over Florida's new African American history curriculum that suggests slaves derived "personal benefit" from slavery has turned into a war among conservatives as Gov. Ron DeSantis aides are attacking Black Republican Rep. Byron Donalds.

"We will not back down from teaching our nation’s true history at the behest of a woke @WhiteHouse, nor at the behest of a supposedly conservative congressman," Education Commissioner Manny Diaz, Jr., tweeted abut Donalds.

Diaz slammed the representative after Donalds said that he supported almost the entirety of the new standards, calling them "robust" and "accurate," however it was line about slavery that needed to be change.

"What's crazy to me is I expressed support for the vast majority of the new African American history standards and happened to oppose one sentence that seemed to dignify the skills gained by slaves as a result of their enslavement," Donalds tweeted. "Anyone who can't accurately interpret what I said is disingenuous and is desperately attempting to score political points."

Just another reason why l'm proud to have endorsed President Donald J. Trump!" Donalds added.

Jason Miller, a senior advisor to Trump tweeted out a statement in defense of Donalds calling him a "conservative hero." Miller lambasted the DeSantis team for their attempts to "smear" the congressman.

"Ron DeSantis needs to look in the mirror and recognize that at his current trajectory, it's not just 2024 that is dead for him, but 2028 as well," Miller's statement read. "DeSantis' misguided attacks are only helping Joe Biden, and if that's his goal, DeSantis should just get out of the race."

Christina Pushnaw, who works as DeSantis' Director of Rapid Response, has compared Donalds criticisms of the curriculum to those voiced by Vice President Kamala Harris.

Pushnaw responded to both Miller and Donalds' tweets with a Harris gifs.

[meg2md]

Back to Life Is Really Hard (Residency Edition)

Things I've learned: I do like obstetrics. Mainly, I like that routine obstetric clinic visits are fast and easy, I like that I know how to do basic labor and triage tasks quickly and efficiently, and I like that I get to do cesarean deliveries. That being said, I think I can live without it. There's lots of confounding hours (like who's on my team, the better hours, etc), but gyne is where I'm much, much happier. And that's where I am now!! At the same time I'm trying to buckle up for MIGS applications which happen next year, and basically the advice given to me was to make peace with the numbers because it's possibly one of the most competitive fellowships across all specialties with a 50/50 chance. I'm motivated: I'm about to submit an IRB for my research project, I'm working on manuscript revisions for my med school paper, I'm involved with ACOG on a state level, I have another research project that might come to fruition, and I'm hoping to design a surgical skills curriculum for medical students. I've also started looking in-depth at away rotations for MIGS, and I'm making a spreadsheet of every program I want to apply to (so, probably 50-60 programs). But I also need to be realistic and have a Plan B, because it's a coin flip whether I match.

But to level with ya'll, despite this sliver of ambition I've regained, I'm SO depressed. Like, VERY FREAKING DEPRESSED. I'd say my mood is largely fine, but man, it is incredibly difficult to get out of bed, to be on time, want to be around my co-residents. I'm finally on weekly Prozac again, but my dose most likely needs increased. I'm also starting therapy (again) tomorrow. But it's just... hard. My life got pretty bad at the start of the year. My cat getting really sick, going into a lot of debt from vet bills and conference costs, my car getting vandalized. My oncology rotation was probably the worst I have ever performed in all of residency. I got some really, really tough feedback. It really knocked me on my ass. Things are slowly getting better, but again, I'm working against this baseline depression. The best I can describe it is just... heavy, or blurred. I lost my zest for life. It's like my life is muted.

I drew a tarot card yesterday to describe where I'm at in my life right now. I drew the 10 of Swords.

Yep. That's residency.

My tarot draws are always like this. I gravitate towards swords and cards like The Tower. It's not all bad, though. I like the concept of death, decay, and endings. I like that it creates fertile soil with which life can rise anew. Consider the artwork from the Light Seer's tarot:

We face the loss, the betrayal, the stress... whatever it is that is causing us so much pain. It will always be a part of us, but what rises up from the ashes is much brighter and stronger, "vulnerable, whole, and totally and powerfully alive."

I drew the Tower card before I drew the 10 of Swords. I like the chronology of it, too. It makes sense with the sequence of events in my life, first undergoing its major upheaval (my break-up with my fiance, moving to a new city alone, being dumped by the rebound I fell in love with, living independently for the first time in over a decade, all with the background of my chronic depression)... and then when the fire finally goes out and the dust settles... it's this empty, desiccated landscape, full of hurt and pain and loneliness. But despite all this, the sun still shines, the rain falls, and slowly life springs forth from the rot. I really resonate with cards like these, like Death, The Tower, The Fool, any card that represents endings and beginnings.

(Lol I lost my actual journal and my thoughts had to go somewhere so here we are.)

Anyway back to medicine (ugh), I'm again trying to focus on the ME outside of residency. The YA romantasy books, training for a Tough Mudder, resuming my interest in obscure non-fiction, tennis.

I'm also researching creatine??? IDK my brain is in a million places right now. My boxing class got cancelled so I biked for 40 minutes while watching 1000-lb sisters. Before I was obsessively looking up MIGS fellowship programs and I needed to get my mind OFF residency and medicine.

And since I find my mind drifting back to something that already occupies WAY TOO MUCH SPACE in my life, I'm gonna peace and work on Kingdom of Ash until I fall asleep

[theladyofbloodshed]

You’re a teacher in UK (I’m assuming based on a few posts from before). Rishi Sunak (the new prime minister) is making plans to make maths compulsary for kids upto 18 years old.

All over social media, british people have different opinions about it. Most are however against it. The most common reason is that they believe it kills creativity, and that the cirriculum could use some other useful subjects.

What is you opinion on the matter as a teacher?

(Sorry if you only take fandom related questions. You can totally ignore it if you don’t like non fandom related questions)

I think it is ridiculous. Long post so I'll put under a read more

If everybody studied maths to 18, it wouldn't make anybody more employable because all would have that qualification. The majority of jobs do not require you to use maths. So often my kids will ask me why they have to learn something and the honest answer is that the government told me I have to teach it.

The shift between GCSE to A Levels was hard. That was ten years ago for me, but it was hard. It's a big jump in terms of depth of learning. In order to study maths to 18, either students have to drop a subject they had wanted to take to fit it in (in the UK, you generally take 4 subjects for AS Level then drop one for the final year. I took biology, chemistry, psychology and philosophy & ethics then dropped the latter) or will have an extra subject wedged on top which gives them less time to focus on each class - or they won't actually care about taking maths so won't put effort into it.

I work in a primary school and how it works here is you teach the same 30 children every subject for a year. My role is slightly different as I am a cover teacher and cover all across the school so when a teacher has the afternoon to plan, I'll teach their class which means I can teach from 4-11 years old in the same week. We already have children who declare they hate maths and its hard. We have parents who when we ask them to support their children's learning will say that they were bad at maths so it doesn't matter if their children give up on it. I had a child last year who at 11 years old was greater depth for writing and reading (the highest level you can be) but wasn't secure in her number bonds to ten so massively struggled with all areas of maths. Number bonds to 10 should be secured at age 5. Our curriculum is so big that sometimes we run out of time to teach everything or children have absences and they have so many gaps. She was missed every year as somebody who should have been higher and I spent so much time trying to catch her up by filling in all of her gaps on number bonds and times table knowledge which filter into every strand of maths. We had 2 years of covid so maybe if that hadn't happened, the gaps would be apparent sooner, but she's not the only child like that.

Maths isn't valued here. Partly that comes down to the way it is taught. It's not a criticism of teachers, but the syllabus is so massive that you have to hit everything at pace and for those who can't keep up, they end up with massive gaps in their learning. If they've struggled with fractions for the 3 weeks they've studied it, too bad we're onto area and perimeter now, you'll do fractions next year!

In the mornings, I tutor a group of children who have fallen behind and I have to plug any gaps and try to catch them up to age related expectations. This past week, I taught them bus stop method for division because that was what I was told to teach by their regular teacher. I then found out what we aren't supposed to teach that method until next year.

But they had understood it, because they know how to exchange from subtraction because we ensured they really were secure and understood what exchanging means rather than "you add a 1 to the next number".

So then we had to go back a step because the government said they need to learn how to partition it into a whole part model... which is actually harder because they didn't know how many tens or ones they should be splitting it to. It's just so ridiculous. They completely understood the one on the left and will be taught that next year and will use that method forever. But the one on the right has confused them - and they won't need to do that ever again after this year - but we have to teach them like that because that's what the government says?

I didn't really enjoy maths. I never gelled with my teacher and I had the same one for 4 years and I knew I wasn't taking it beyond a compulsory level. I got a B at GCSE which was bad in my school so I had to go to a remedial math class at the start of year 12 because there was maths in biology/chemistry which I had chosen. But in the first lesson my teacher was like "why are you here?" because the small branch of maths that I needed for my science subjects was secure. I've not needed trigonometry or the quadratic equation ever in my life.

I've needed maths to teach maths but actually my understanding of fractions and place value has only become secure since I've had to teach it.

That time would be better spend in teaching young adults how to apply for jobs, for understanding taxes and insurance, for developing contacts in careers etc. The average grade for maths at GCSE level is around a low B/high C. At my school, if you received a B in a subject that you wanted to take for A Level, you would be warned that it would be difficult. If you had a C, they'd advise you against taking that subject because it would be too hard.

It would be better for the government to look at the national curriculum and see how many hoops educators have to jump through and how many boxes we have to tick to please them first. It's so stupid!!!

[selamat-linting]

the worst part of being an indonesian student is when youre enrolling highschool and you choose vocational tradeschool instead of normal school, if it doesnt work out, or you decide to find other passions, or if you find out you're not good at it, you cant change majors. if you want to go to college to pick something else, restart your educational path so to speak, there's a good chance the three years you spend doesn't count for shit since it doesn't teach you all the fundamentals to be ready for college apparently. so you have to redo that entire three years in catch-up school. and unlike vocational highschool or normal public ones, you have to pay a tuition.

its unrealistic to demand a bunch of 15 year olds to be sure a spesific trade is what they want to do forever, but i guess thats the system here. cant afford college? okay, here's an education program so you could go to work in an industry straight away! but there's a catch, your actual education will be sacrificed for precious industry knowledge and experience, so this is the only kind of job you can be qualified for regardless of your actual skill level or interests or whether you change your mind later. if the economy or technological requirements surrounding that line of work changed drastically then youre fucked. have fun working menial "low skilled" work that a middleschool graduate can do as well (but is barred to do it because of crapitalism) for the rest of your short life. and if you want to change like join medical school or academia or law school for example, then get ready paying not only money but so much time and energy to redo the entire three years of highschool while also working for a living.

and yknow why our education is like this? its because its centered on profit and creating ready-made low wage workers meant to serve the national bourgeoisie and foreign imperialist bastards. our future is nothing but a money making machine to be squeezed dry to the government. if they really want affordable education and job security for the people, they'd drastically lower the tuition and requirements to get into higher education, eradicate workplace discrimination, give accessibility for disabled people, nationalize the industries and have it run for the workers instead of the bosses, and most of all, gave people their right for stable housing and food.

but nooo, thats not what happened. what happened is that capitalists turn a fucking problem into a chance to make money while fascists shoots everyone who tried to stop it and brand their victims as a fucking heretic. fuck the SMK program istg, the promise of landing you a job is a LIE! not just because of the reasons i say here but also because for a lot of majors and school, the curriculum is outdated for industry standards. so while you might be technically qualified, you will not survive the interview process.

also again, the framing if paket C (our ged program) as a way for poor people to catch up on their education is so disingenous like, thats not free at all. you actually have to pay a tuition every semester and its 2 million rupiahs. do you know how some of the monthly minimum wage rates in our country doesnt even reach that number? ALSO if theyre too poor to go to public school then how do you expect them to get a job that pays minimum wage? with their discontinued education huh? in this economy even college graduate kids get paid below minimum wage sometimes.

i hope every indonesian politician and military generals die tomorrow ngl