#in their english classes at school or whatever

[tragedy-machine]

“Edwin, do you ever think about… what it’d be like if we went to school together?”

“I cannot say that I do, Charles.”

“I do, sometimes. About how life would be like if we were both alive and attending St. Hilarion right now.”

“I assume your vision does not include any of our classmates being killers?”

“Nah, ‘course not. Times are different now, aren’t they? So… what do you think?”

“Well, you would be a star of the cricket team, no doubt. And you can certainly bounce a ball without letting it fall for a very long period of time, so maybe a football star, as well.”

“I don’t know about being a star, but– cheers.”

“Of course. Indeed, given your natural charisma, one might readily surmise that people would be most inclined to gather about you. If they possessed any sense whatsoever, your classmates should eagerly seek to make your acquaintance. You would graciously give everyone the time of day, much as you do with our clients, and they would be endlessly charmed by you. ”

“Now you’re really overdoing it, mate. What about you?”

“Me? Oh. I would… greatly delight in the study of languages. I have heard it said that schools nowadays offer a wider array of them within their curriculum. Literature, too, holds a special allure for me; indeed, I might even volunteer my services in the school library, simply for the opportunity to spend more time there or attend a study club. Science has also been a source of fascination for me—chemistry in particular, I could well imagine devoting a lot of time to it.”

“Mhmm, go on.”

“Whatever do you mean?”

“What of your friends?”

“I have not considered– perhaps other members of the literature club? Our recent adventure in the States have shown me that although people are decidedly still not my forte, it is possible for me to make acquaintances with them if they share my interests. If they are not dreadfully insufferable, that is to say.”

“And…?”

“And?”

“C’mon, how do we meet?”

“Oh. Realistically, I do not think our paths would cross. You would have more than enough friends interested in sports and music and other activities you enjoy, and I would never set foot near a gymnasium or a music room. We are an unlikely pair, after all.”

“...what? You don’t think we’d be friends if we were at school together?”

“I merely mean to say— as I have mentioned— with a sufficient company of good and worthy friends around you, you would have little cause to seek me out at school, particularly as we would be spending our time entirely differently.”

“Edwin, that’s horrible. A load of tosh, if I’ve ever heard one. I refuse to believe that. We could meet in class, or– maybe I’d have trouble with English, it’s never been my favorite, could never get my letters correct, could I? And since you’re so good at it, you’d offer to tutor me.”

“You believe I would offer?”

“‘Course, you’re proper kind like that, aren’t you? Or I’d ask you and you wouldn’t be able to say no to me.”

“So certain I would not be, even right from the beginning?”

“Isn’t that how our first meeting went?”

“...touché. You can be quite persistent. However, that does not mean you would have to befriend the boy who tutors you.”

“I liked you right when I met you, didn’t I? It’d be the same.” 

“You are awfully confident regarding the matter.”

“Yeah, mate. Think about it, we may be an unlikely duo, but against all odds, we met. We stayed together. And will stay together. We’d find each other in every universe, just like we had in this one.”

“...who is the one ‘overdoing it’ now?”

“Come off it, mate! But just think about it, we’d go to uni together, you’d study– English or, or Law, you’d make a great lawyer, you know, and I– I don’t know, I’d study something too, and we’d live together.”

“Would we start a detective agency together as well?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Alive Boy Detectives does not have the same ring to it. Neither does Alive Men Detectives.”

“We’d figure something out.”

[mzannthropy]

I started from the end. I got Rilla of Ingleside for my 14th birthday from my mum. It's just so typical for me to do things the wrong way round, but as you see, it was not by choice, so perhaps I'm born this way. Don't let me digress, though.

At that time, there were these editions of the series out in my home country (Slovakia), and so people were buying them; some girls in my class had a few, or all, of them. When I was given Rilla, I asked my mum if it was Anne of Green Gables and she said it was about her daughter. Interestingly enough, when I read it, we were just learning about WW1 at school. I was so captured by this book, I got shivers down my spine while reading. So it was after I've read the last one in the series that I started from the beginning! I started buying them, if I had money, or I just borrowed from the library when I didn't, I read the whole series; I ended up buying six (all except Anne of Ingleside and Rainbow Valley). And let me tell you, despite knowing that Anne and Gilbert got married, I was still on the edge while reading Anne of the Island! I also read Emily of New Moon and Emily Climbs (I couldn't get Emily's Quest) and The Blue Castle and Story Girl and Tangled Web, as well as the Chronicles and Further Chronicles of Avonlea--so quite a big chunk of LMM's work.

Then in 2003 I moved to UK. Naturally I started looking for LMM books here, finally to read them in original English. But I couldn't find them. I couldn't find them in libraries or bookshops. I thought maybe she wasn't as popular here. I was afraid to ask anyone bc I had that feeling that it was stupid of me to still read her books. Not bc of my age, but bc I felt like I should not be so focused on one author (I was not aware that fandoms existed then and I didn't have my own internet connection until 2008). I saw Amazon (pre-Kindle era) had them, but I didn't have much money then so I couldn't just start buying them. Once I found a paperback of AOGG at a charity shop, which made me feel ecstatic. I knew whole passages of the book by heart so finally I could read them in English--and also I discovered some paragraphs were omitted in the translation, all to do with religion. Quotes from the Bible and such. (Not sure why but my guess is that the books were translated during communist regime so they were censored). Anyway. It must have been sometime in 2006 when I discovered Gutenberg. Idk how or why it occurred to me to google L.M. Montgomery, which led me to her Wikipedia page, which had the links at the bottom.

People. It was like Edmond Dantes finding the treasure of Monte Cristo (I have The Count of Monte Cristo brainrot). I almost cried tears of joy. I downloaded all the works, then some years later when I bought Kindle, I bought this massive document which contains all her novels, short stories, her autobiography and selected letters to her penpal Mr Webber. It's so good and easy to navigate and only cost me a few pounds.

Then, in 2018, I was at Waterstones and for one reason or another, I honestly don't know why, when I was paying for whatever I was buying, I asked the cashier if they had Anne of Green Gables. He checked the system and told me yes, they have it, in the 9-13 section.

This was why I couldn't find LMM books for all those years. I didn't know they were classed as children's books. In my country they were not in the children's section but I didn't know it was different in UK. Of course, I could have known this from the start had I only asked. But that's social anxiety for you. The end. Thanks for reading, sorry it got so long.

i'd love to hear people's l.m. montgomery origin stories! how did you first find her work? what was the first book that really spoke to you? did she take time to grow on you? what do you think was the feature of said book that made you fall in love? please, fill the tags with your tales :)

[joelmillerisapunk]

get to know your moots

ty for the tags loves <3 @probablyreadinsmut @itwasntimethatdidit40 @ace-turned-confused @thundermartini @kedsandtubesocks and @reddedmiller

what's the origin of your blog title?: me being an uncreative basic bitch. but it's fine we are suffering through the consequences of the most uncreative username of all time.

OTP(s) + shipname: me, joel miller AND javier pena <3

favorite color: black and mint green (yes ik its very specific idk really what to say I even have a tattoo that is partially this color lol)

favorite game: rdr2, dreamlight valley, tlou, bg3, mariooooo, zelda, assasins creed

song stuck in your head: hold the line - toto and whatever is on my fic playlist

weirdest habit/trait?: probably a lot but the most annoying as a lot of us have mentioned is assuming no one really likes me. but also doing that thing where you start a task and then see something else that has to be done so by the time you have finished you've begun 50 other tasks

hobbies: video games, reading, writing stories, poems and music, pretending I can bake cute aesthetic things I find on Instagram reels, calligraphy, collecting sea glass and sea shells.

if you work, what's your profession? i worked on a cow farm

if you could have any job you wish what would it be? a sugar baby, someone who lives on a beach, but really anything in music bts or in front or a psychologist but instead I went to school two times for things I did not end up staying with haaaaaa

something you're good at: giving you compliments until you tell me to stfu

something you're bad at: i like this answer so same -> putting myself first, also as it's been said a few times socializing, and flirting

something you love: documentaries ommmg jdkfdakjf <3 <3, downtime when I can have it, also I always forget how much I love the sun until this time of year, hearing a favorite song you haven't heard in a long time, watching stuff with people whether its movies or youtube videos or shows

something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: video games, music, joel miller, the octopus lifecycle, Shakespeare, fun bts facts of my favorite movies and tv shows (I could spend days upon days looking up facts about how movies and shows are made and the little details in each of my favorite movies and shows)

something you hate: when its too hot or too cold, when I do that thing and don't buy snacks to be "healthy" and then wish I had a snack and math.

something you collect: i was collecting miniatures until they all got lost in a move, sea shells, coca cola memrobilia, Marilyn Monroe memorabilia, coral, anything vintage, trauma, and wips

something you forget: what don't I forget

what's your love language?: acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch

favorite movie/show: beauty and the beast, most keanu reeves movies as I've been binging them lately, lotr, how to lose a guy in 10 days, donnie darko,

favorite food: potatoes any day, any way, any form

favorite animal: cows, platypus', whales and dolphins

what were you like as a child? the quiet kid who was basically a mute because anxiety sucks and being perceived is frightening - lemme just fade into the floor

favorite subject at school? psychology, english because we could read Shakespeare and really cool books, science, music class, history, french, home ec, woodshop

least favorite subject? math and phys ed cause ya girl ain't a runner but yet they're all like "ohh its not that hard" but bro you're not even doing it

what's your best character trait? why are these questions so hard though? like idk my ability to make people feel comfortable?? i feel weird answering this lol

what's your worst character trait? i guess my inability to put myself first still and my dad jokes and sometimes I get quiet because I have a huge fear of rejection or abandonment

if you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be? that I was on vacation instead of driving around for hours today or sleeping more that'd be great

if you could travel in time who would you like to meet? Beethoven, Shakespeare, my grandparents, Marilyn Monroe, John Lennon, Frida Kahlo, idkkkk

recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love!): there's so many this is rude asking for one so I'll give you two series. recently I read late night texts by @jolapeno and the wolf you feed by @arcanefox207 these series changed my brain chemistry for the best. I could scream on every rooftop in the world about these to every person in the world like please READ THEM!!!

npt: @arcanefox207 @gothcsz @syd-djarin @sunshinehaze1 @sunshineispunk @milla-frenchy @aurorawritestoescape @604to647 @myownwholewildworld @evolnoomym @slimybeth69 @almostfoxglove @lotusbxtch @baronessvonglitter me smooching you all through the phone <3 <3 <3 cause you all deserve every ounce of love and joy in the whole world

[ratbastarddotfuck]

Answering your tags in the children’s rights post, no, not where I attended school (US public school). I wasn’t even aware the UN made a document about it until now, which is unsurprising for the US but nonetheless aggravating

every day I learn something more horrifying about the US education system.

I'm pretty sure we read the children's rights when I was in grade 5 here in Australia? so I would've been 8 or 9 or so. I have no idea if this was standardised so really idk what I'm surprised about. but man that was something that built a foundation of autonomy for me as a kid that I could fall back on when I was scared... I have the right to safety. I have the right to xyz. seems important I think.

[applestorms]

where is the justice full lyrical analysis GO GO GO

TL;DR i'm of the opinion that many people give light a Lot more credit for being a Paragon of The People than he really deserves in this song, so i'd like to take a closer look at the (english) lyrics here-- not only to understand some of the deeper (highly questionable) ideas light is establishing/implying, but also why it may be especially easy to skip over those more dubious implications, unlike in other DN adaptations. see full analysis below the cut, this is Long.

[Light] Where is the justice When the guilty all go free? Why don’t we lock them up And throw away the key?

direct meaning: light begins this song questioning the effectiveness of the justice system. from these lines, it is clear he is questioning the fact that "the guilty" have the ability to "all go free," though it is unclear if he is criticizing the fact that some guilty parties are able to get away with their crimes or the simple fact that prisoners are free to return to society after serving their sentence.

while the first meaning seems potentially easier to assume, the next two lines perhaps point towards the second, implying that "the guilty," should be locked up forever-- typically, you don't throw away a key just to get it back later.

questionable implications: a couple things here. first, light has an underlying claim here that the meaning of "justice" is purely to punish the guilty, to quarantine them away from the rest of Good society. note that he is making this assumption without any clarification about who these "guilty" parties are, what crimes they have committed or otherwise. second, he is also setting up a kind of false dichotomy, saying that the guilty currently are free but the correct course of action is that they are instead locked away. again, no rehabilitation is possible under this view, and no nuance either.

[Light's Teacher] I see a young man’s anger Burning in your eyes;

direct meaning: light's teacher is pointing out light's naïveté ("young man"), though this criticism is softened somewhat by the fact that he also points out his passion for the subject. note that the light in light's eyes here is "anger," and the connotations associated with that emotion-- action, violence, a lack of clear logical thinking. light burns, quick and powerful, but with little discretion for the details.

implications: by describing light in this way, he is establishing light as a very emotionally-driven character, but also as one who has perhaps not had the time nor experience to fully think through his ideals. light's justice is a naïve retribution.

[Light] What you see is my impatience With your noble compromise;

direct meaning: light pushes back against his teacher's criticism, clarifying that his "anger" is more like "impatience," an annoyance with "your noble compromise." light is not stupid, according to himself, he understands the ways in which the legal system (which he sees his teacher as fully ascribing to) is supposed to work, but questions its effectiveness regardless.

to light, this legal system as it currents stands is a "noble compromise," something that people feel they Must stick to for the sake of upholding their noble character, but ends up leading to a questionable execution of justice, which compromises final judgements. i'm assuming this connects back to this page:

questionable implications: light's primary push in this song is towards a fully black and white justice system, wherein The Guilty are Punished and The Good receive Justice (the ability to see the guilty get punished). he is not willing to concede any gray morality here, no "compromise" ever. he is also very quick to write off the idea that he might be getting too caught up in his own emotions about injustice, ironically a bit of an emotional move.

[Light] Show me what’s right about the wrongs that we allow Real people need to feel protected here and now; This whole damn system’s broken way beyond repair It’s just law Not law and order; Not much good and seldom fair;

direct meaning: light continues to question why the legal system allows for what he sees to be compromises in the execution of justice, arguing that "real people," The Good, have the right to feel protected by such a system. he states his points overtly here: the legal system is broken, it is unordered, it is unfair. nothing good comes of it.

questionable implications: a few points. first, light is once again Very vague about what exactly these "wrongs," are that the legal system is allowing, which guilty are actually going free under which circumstances. second, light is assuming that "real people," which is itself quite frankly an incredibly loaded term when it comes to how dehumanized his view of The Guilty is, do not feel protected by the legal system, that The Good live in fear under a system that fails to guard them against evil.

i think people often get stuck on the line, "This whole damn system's broken way beyond repair," since it has the potential to greatly emotionally resonate, what with its underlying pessimism and cynical view about the world. even in my own views, there are plenty of systems that i think are plenty broken. where this line becomes questionable is again in how vague it is, allowing for many interpretations of exactly how the (legal) system is broken. take note of this not only in the context of how people interpret this song, but also for the next few lines in-context.

[Light's Classmate #1] Laws were made for everyone We’re treated all the same;

direct meaning: a classmate enters the conversation, stating a somewhat basic fact-- that the laws were created for everybody, and that everybody is all treated the same.

EDIT: actually, listening to this again, i genuinely can't tell if this is a classmate or light's teacher again?? regardless, i think my points still stand, just push the part about the other students being convinced by light to a bit later in the song.

(questionable) implications: a third party is now introduced with light's classmate here. this conversation between light and his teacher is not one-to-one-- there are other parties listening in the room who may be convinced one way or another depending on how the arguments go. thus, while this is a somewhat obvious statement on the surface, it is being stated in response to light to get him to expand on his claims.

i'd also like to bring up one point that i think may be relevant moving forward: the difference between normative and descriptive claims. in ethics, we typically use this to describe the difference between claims about how things should be versus how things already are.

light makes a lot of claims in this song that are presented as descriptive, implying that this is simply How The World/Legal System Already Is, that we are approaching a system that is already broken. he also makes a lot of claims about how the world should be, that justice should be this kind of starkly black and white Passing of Judgement-- these are the ones that he is less direct about, and that should be more closely questioned imo. don't mix em' up. anyways,

[Light] Till a lawyer’s tricks can fix the blame; What about the victims Waiting for some justice? How can we turn away And say that's just the way things are? What about the families Hiding in their houses All of them afraid to walk the street at night With all their doors locked tight Tell me where is the justice If there's any justice

direct meaning: light responds to his classmate's previous comment, arguing that the system is equal, but that stops once a lawyer can trick the system into allowing their client to go free. he continues, asking-- "What about the victims / Waiting for some justice?" once again painting The Good as pure, innocent victims, afraid to even walk along at night or leave their houses, living in Fear of evil that the legal system has so cruelly allowed to go free.

a very good couple lines in this section: "How can we turn away / And say that's just the way things are?" light wants change. he sees the system as "broken beyond repair," something that must be fully taken down and rebuilt into something better, to help people.

questionable implications: again, light is making the assumption that people already live in fear of Evil that lurks the streets, Good Families that need to be protected by the justice system. there is a non-zero number of universes where light fails to get the death note and ends up being a vigilante superhero, istg. he is also making the (descriptive) claim that victims do not receive the justice they deserve, presumably since The Guilty are Freed.

an interesting point there, actually-- justice for light is about the victims of crimes, not the perpetrators of them (who, as we already established, he doesn't actually see as "real people," not the "families" that need to be protected).

the one sympathetic point in all this that i find myself drifting back to is that big about actually wanting to change. he makes quite a good point about not assuming that this is how the world Must be-- i just find it unfortunate that his Ideal World is so horrendously flat.

[Light's Teacher] Your simple arguments have all been made before The world's not black and white The choice not either, or

direct meaning: light's teacher once again criticizes light's arguments for being surface level and overly black and white. i also think his point about light's arguments having, "all been made before," can connect to his previous point about light being naïve, that he simply hasn't had the experience to recognize that his supposedly New, Improved ideas for how the system can be fixed have already been presented and argued against.

[Light] Perhaps it's time we drain the color from within Till we're back to seeing black and white And wrong and right again

direct meaning: light argues back, saying that his teacher's push to see the nuance is pushing the compromise too far, that we are losing sight of some kind of true morality, "wrong and right," by taking such an approach.

questionable implications: not just questionable tbh, these lines are the most terrifying thing light says in the entire song. it's not even an implication either, really, he just says it outright here-- light wants a black and white justice system. he thinks the only way in which true law and order can be established is by giving up on nuance entirely.

i'm reminded a bit of han feizi's approach to crafting ideal legal systems a bit here, like the extremes of Two Options: Punishment (Death) or Reward (Everything You Could Possibly Dream Of/Desire). wonder if light's a fan...

[Light's Teacher] Overwrought pronouncements won't improve the paradigm [Light] Till lawyers cutting deals becomes a crime;

direct meaning: another back and forth between light and his teacher, with light's teacher once again calling light out on his "overwrought pronouncements," his strong, but overly emotionally-driven claims while light points again back to his strawman of the Corrupt Lawyer cutting deals to let The Evil Guilty go free.

implications: it interests me that light's teacher doesn't really argue against light's claims here by saying this image of this Lawyer doesn't exist, but instead keeps pointing to light's emotional state, how he's pushing for this so passionately but not really thinking through any of the greater implications of his claims. you could maybe see this as what makes the teacher's rebuttals less strong, that he doesn't seem to be matching light's passion with the same Excitement to meaningfully combat any of his underlying points, but i actually think this is quite a measured and good response. light isn't thinking very deeply about this, he's pushing from anger and trying to get the class on his side. it's a bit reminiscent of far right strategies-- hitting emotional buttons, getting the Crowd on your side, giving people hard hitting lines with little substance but no time to think it through. light really would benefit from trying to understand his emotions but but, i mean. what else is new LOL

[Light and Ensemble] Let the corporations make the regulations And all go unaccountable when everything goes wrong; Let the rich and famous get away with murder; Every time a high-priced mouth piece starts to talk His client gets to walk; Tell me where is the justice? If there’s any justice;

direct meaning: the ensemble is officially on light's side now, singing behind him as he throws out his criticisms of "the corporations," of, "the rich and famous," who can apparently get away with murder. notably, light is making a Money point here-- it's the rich, the corporate, who are able to get away with crimes.

questionable implications: uhh source?? is light trying to say that O.J. getting away with it means that the legal system has to kill all criminals for justice to be served? (#joke, i know, i know, he's japanese.)

this is where the normative vs. descriptive claims thing becomes really relevant to me. light, on the surface, is making descriptive claims about how the world Is-- that corporations decide what is and isn't justice, that anybody rich enough can do whatever they want, so long as they have enough to pay off a lawyer. and he may not be entirely off about all of these claims!! the problem here is instead to be found in his underlying normative claims, that the way to fix this is through a purely black and white legal system.

light presents this argument like he only has to sell you on the first part, on the fact that the System Is Broken and people can get away with horrible acts if they have enough money. at least in this section, he does not clarify What his justice is, or any of the horrible implications his ideal system to "fix" all of this might have, though he bounds those two points up in such a way that it feels natural to accept both.

this is where i think some people get the idea that light is a Comrade fighting Capitalism or some shit. it's quite easy to see and get on board with his descriptive claims about how broken the world is (feels), but lose sight of his underlying normative claims about how this Should be fixed. light doesn't think the problem is capitalism here, that's something You have to bring to the table-- but he keeps his arguments vague enough here that it's really easy to do so.

[Light] Where is the justice [Students] Tell me where? [Light] For all the victims? [Students] Tell me where? [Light] Where is the justice? What good is law that can’t punish those who break it?

direct meaning: similar points from before. again, light describes justice as something that must be found and given to "the victims" (of what?), calling the law useless for its inability to enact (his view) of justice (or what light thinks justice should be).

[Light's Classmate #2] Politicians make their speeches all day long; While judges pushing pencils mostly get it wrong; [Ensemble] Mostly get it wrong!

direct meaning: same thing, but he adds politicians to the list of those corrupt. the only thing i wanna add here is that the bit about "pushing pencils," is quite a nice bit of foreshadowing. anyway,

[Light's Classmate #3] Instead of loopholes for the laws to fall between; Let some good old fashioned payback Grease the wheels of the machine; [Ensemble] Grease the wheels of the machine

direct meaning: another classmate again arguing in favor of light's ideas, saying that we should drop the loopholes and morally gray areas to get some "good old fashioned payback," instead.

questionable implications: the class is really getting on board with light by this point in the song. note the shift also in the ideas they're presenting-- while classmates #1 and #2 were still mostly focusing on descriptive claims earlier, here classmate #3 points more towards light's normative claims about how the legal system should be. "good old fashioned payback," indeed.

also interesting that the claim they reiterate here is light's point about how the Only way a "victim" of [crime] could ever be fully satisfied or happy again is through this kind of state-mandated Revenge, that The Guilty must suffer/die/be locked away forever in order for The Good to live well. there's a lot of arguments against capital punishment to bring up against this point, but considering the length of this post as is, i don't think i really have the space for that =3=" regardless, i think this says a lot about light's worldview as is.

ANYWAYS. the rest of the song is basically just reiterations of the exact same lines light said before, notably including the lines about "families in their houses," and lots and lots of questioning about where that goddamn justice is. so, to end this off, i suppose i'll interrogate those more general points just a little-- both the title of the song itself, and its core themes in the context of the full story.

"Where Is The Justice?" is such a fascinating way of kicking off this musical, particularly in how it characterizes Justice itself as this lost thing that must be Found, setting up the idea that light himself playing the role of KIRA manages to Become Justice (or, his view of it, anyway). it is also interesting in how it show's light's relationship with the people around him, not only in terms of how he gets the rest of the class on his side by the end of the song, but also how his teacher critiques him earlier on. it's kind of a minor point, but i think that back-and-forth alone really does a lot to set up the space that L's character will inevitably fill later in the story, how he matches light's underlying Passion and Temperament (and lack of any care for deeper morals) in such a way that would lead to their mutual demise.

for all my frustrations with how this song is often interpreted, i actually think this is a pretty decent depiction of pre-KIRA light, at least within this format. my main critique is that i think it may perhaps be truer to believe that light never really comes to these kinds of conclusions until after he gets the notebook, but, hey. you can only have so many songs, and you've gotta start somewhere.

that being said... why do so many people so easily accept this song as a Real and Good critique of the justice system, even going so far as to say that musical light is somehow more morally good or righteous than any other depiction? (a point that i certainly Do Not agree with, if this post has somehow not already made that clear).

i suppose, to me, it all comes back to that normative vs. descriptive claims distinction. people emotionally resonate with the problems that light brings up, the evil that he sees in the world, and in particular his pessimism about the structures around us and questions about whether or not they actually do what they should.

what they fail to see, and what he somehow manages to get away through how carefully his arguments are crafted here, is the deeper implications of his solution-- the dehumanization of The Guilty, his dubious claims about the necessity of such a violent and stark Revenge to make the Good, Pure Victims feel truly safe or satiated, and all the many greater harms that come from such a complete lack of any nuance.

i believe it was @moonlarked who also brought up the fact that, unlike most other adaptations, we don't hear light's internal monologue here, meaning that we're not privy to the same kinds of snark or casual cruelty that light has the sense not to say out loud. in that sense, perhaps this song is actually one of the better depictions to show how light Can actually be quite a charismatic and convincing speaker, so long as you don't think too hard about what he's not saying out loud. (maybe that's why L got so insane about him? lol)

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Screaming from the crypt (or how the past haunts the present on Midnights)

I know it's been discussed so much since Midnights came out but just.

I love how there is such a clear narrative throughout the album (and perhaps especially on the 3am/Vault tracks). About questioning and regret and choices and coming to terms with all of it. It is one long story about how we're all a mosaic of the choices we make, each one taking something from us and leaving something else in its place.

(And now a disclaimer: I'm looking at this mostly through a narrator/subject lens, and trying not to dive too deeply into real-life events or speculation except for in a general sense. For this purpose I like to look at the body of work as art, like literature, because I find it makes it easier to see the common threads in the different songs and cohesion in the narrative.)

In looking at the 3am+ tracks in particular, it's fascinating how some turns of phrases or themes repeat themselves in different songs, in different contexts. (I'm only focusing on the non-standard tracks because there are too many songs and I'd be here all day but I bet I could do a part two lol.) I know many people have pointed out the parallels throughout her discography already and I’m not saying anything groundbreaking by writing this, but I love how these parallels run through in the same album, because it makes it seem like it's one long story, or at least, one long rumination on many different stories that are coalescing into a single narrative.

Battle (let’s go)

For instance, the one that jumped out at me when I started writing this post the other week was, "Tore your banners down, took the battle underground," in The Great War and "If clarity's in death, then why won't this die? Years of tearing down our banners, you and I," in Would've, Could've Should've. It's a story about staying stuck in the same cycle of reliving trauma and coping mechanisms and bad habits over and over again and fantasizing about how taking the “antagonist” out and gaining the upper hand for good would bring closure (WCS), but the truth is that nothing ever will. All that cycle does, though, is repeat itself in other situations, and in this case pushes someone away the narrator cares for (TGW). The difference is that the imagined battle in WCS is a two-way street in her mind (that is ultimately unwinnable because it was never a fair fight), but in TGW it's one-sided -- she's the one fighting dirty, taking shots, the way she'd been doing in her imagination (or nightmares) all these years. But the person in front of her isn't fighting back the way the person in her mind in WCS would, because their intentions are honourable instead of exploitative.

And that's paralleled in another pair of lyrics from the two songs, "And maybe it's the past talking, screaming from the crypt, telling me to punish you for things you never did," (in TGW) and "The tomb won't close, I fight with you in my sleep," (in WCS). In both cases, the funeral imagery makes it seem like this past event should be dead and buried in WCS, but it keeps rising from the dead, haunting her no matter what she does and in TGW, another (or perhaps the same?) tomb that won't close keeps unleashing new ways to hurt her and in turn the new person in her life. In other words, the trauma from the past continues to bleed into the present.

(Again from a literary point of view, I'm not saying the events of the two songs are linked IRL, but they're fascinating textual parallels on the album as a string of chapters, which is why Dear Reader is so compelling, but that's a whole other essay.)

To keep the battle motif going, there’s yet another parallel, this time between TGW’s "[You were a] soldier down on that icy ground, looked up at me with honor and truth," and You’re Losing Me’s "All I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier, fighting in only your army.” In the former, the subject is laying down his armour in the war she’s projecting onto him, waving the white flag, and she realizes that she’s about to destroy something if she doesn’t put her sword down too. By the time we get to YLM, the roles are almost reversed; at the very least they’re supposed to be on the same team, but in this case she’s doing all the heavy lifting, fighting for their relationship in contrast to his apathy killing it. It’s also pretty interesting (if not outright intentional) that one of the 3am+ editions of the albums starts with The Great War, where they find themselves in conflict (even if it’s in her head) that ends in a truce, and ends with You’re Losing Me signalling the end of the relationship, evidence that the resolution in the first song wasn’t an ending but merely a ceasefire before the last battle.

Putting the rest under a cut because this is waaaaay too long now ⤵️

(There’s also another metaphor there in The Great War with its battle imagery: World War I, aka The Great War, was supposed to be the war to end all wars, because loss on its scale was never seen before and when it ended, most thought never again would the world embroil itself in such battle, the horrors and implications were so devastating. Two decades later, the world found itself in WWII, with an even larger scope and more horrific consequences, the intervening time between the two a period of festering conflicts and resentment leading to some of the worst acts the world would see. Bringing real life into it for a second, there’s something a little poetic, though sad, about The Great War the song being about a fight that could have ended the relationship that they ultimately resolved and was meant to be evidence of the strength of their love, but so too did it end up being a period of détente, the greater battle coming for them years later. But that is not the point of this post.)

If one thing had been different

Another major theme in these editions is pondering the "what ifs?" of life, but I think it takes on even more significance in the broader context of the album in the lyrics of "I'm never gonna meet what could've been, would've been, should've been you," in Bigger than the Whole Sky and the repetition of would've/could've in Would've, Could've, Should've (I would've looked away at the first glance, I would've stayed on my knees, I would've gone along with the righteous, I could've gone on as I was, would've could've should've if I'd only played it safe, etc.) In both songs, the narrator is mourning an alternate course their life could have taken* and questioning what they could have done differently, in the aftermath of trauma and loss, and the regret that comes with that loss, and with the loss of agency in the situation because ultimately it was never in their hands. In an album full of questions, wondering about the path not taken, or the forks in the road that have led to a different version of your life, it's digging deeper into the contrast of choice vs. fate, action vs. reaction, dwelling on the past vs. moving on. When you're supposed to let go of the past, what do you do when it is holding your future hostage?

(*I know there are different interpretations/speculation about BTTWS which I am not getting into on main. I'm just saying that whatever the song is about, it's grieving something that never came to be. The literal origin of the song is less important to the album than the sense of loss it portrays. Whatever the inspiration is, it's crafted to tell part of the story of Midnights of ruminating over how, to borrow from her previous work, if one thing had been different, would everything be different?)

(Also I was today years old when I realized that the words are inverted in the two songs. Apparently I've been hearing BTTWS wrong this whole time.)

There's also an interesting tangent in the role of faith in both songs: in WCS, the events of the story cause her to lose her faith (e.g. "All I used to do was pray," "you're a crisis of my faith,") and question all the things she felt had been unquestionable until that point in her life (e.g. "I could have gone along with the righteous"), whereas in BTTWS, she questions whether that very lack of faith is to blame for the loss in that song ("did some force take you because I didn't pray? [...] It's not meant to be, so I'll say words I don't believe"). It's like pinpointing the moment her life changed and upended her beliefs (WCS), but as a result then leaving her unmoored in times of crisis because ultimately there's no explanation or comfort to be taken from what she used to hold true before that (BTTWS). The words she once relied upon to guide her have long since lost their meaning, but in times of trouble it leaves her wondering if that faith she once held then lost could have prevented this pain.

(Shoutout to WCS for being Catholic guilt personified lol.)

To keep on with the vaguely faith-y notions, an obvious parallel is the line in Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve about, “I damn sure never would've danced with the devil at nineteen,” and, "When you aim at the devil, make sure you don't miss," in Dear Reader. All of WCS is about her fighting with an antagonist who haunts her, with whom she wholly regrets ever becoming involved. DR could be seen as a reflection on that fall from grace, warning the audience that if you choose to go after the person (or thing) haunting you, make sure you do so clearheaded enough to be decisive. Again, these “devils” may not be related in real life: the IRL devil in DR could be speaking about her naysayers, or Kim*ye, or Scott & Scooter B, etc., meaning not to cross your enemies until you know you can win. But taking real life out of it and looking at it textually, I am intrigued by the link between WCS and DR, so that’s what I’m going with here. And perhaps that’s even the point in a wider sense; there will be multiple “devils” in your life, or threats to your well-being. If you’re going to commit to taking them down — whether it’s an actual person, or the demons inside you that refuse to let you go — make sure you have the right ammo so that they can no longer hurt you. (Of course, one lesson from these experiences is that sometimes you can’t win, and you have to live with the fallout.)

(Sidebar: I know that “dancing with the devil” is a turn of phrase that means being led into temptation and engaging in risky behaviour, as opposed to describing the actual person. Given the religious metaphors in the song, that could very well be/is the intention, particularly when it’s preceded by, “I would have stayed on my knees” as in she would have continued to follow her faith — in whatever sense that means — had she never met this person, which could also be a more eloquent way of saying she would have continued to be live her life in a way that was righteous (even naive) and seen the world in black and white. Either way, it’s a force she wholly rejects. Like I said, multiple devils, same fight.)

Regret comes up too: in WCS, she says, "I regret you all the time," obviously directed at the person who manipulated her and led to her perceived downfall, citing him as the one impulse she wished she'd never followed, because it won't leave her no matter how hard she’s tried. In High Infidelity, she tells the person to, "put on your records and regret me," and on the surface, it’s like she’s turning the tables, painting herself as the one now causing the regret in someone else, the one inflicting the pain this time. Yet the verse preceding it and the lines following it in the chorus depict a partner who is also emotionally manipulative and vindictive like in WCS (“you said I was freeloading, I didn’t know you were keeping count,” “put on your headphones and burn my city,”). It’s not so much that she’s intentionally harming the person (the way the person in WCS does to her), but rather that the venom in the subject’s feelings towards her seeps through; she’s imagining the way he’s going to feel about her when she leaves, hating her just for by being who she is. (There could be another tangent about how in both songs she’s there to be a “token” in a game for both of the men, who play her for their own purposes.) The regret is dripping with disdain. It’s as though she’s picturing how the person is going to hate her for doing what she’s thinking of doing the way she hates the person who first hurt her.

Sadness, unsurprisingly, shows up in a few lyrics. In BTTWS, “Everything I touch becomes sick with sadness,” sets the scene of a person so overcome with grief that it permeates everything around them; they cannot see their way out of it and feel like the fog will never lift. In Hits Different, it’s, “My sadness is contagious,” the result of a breakup where the person’s grief again touches everything and everyone around them, pushing them further in their despair and loneliness. The reason behind the grief in either case may vary, but regardless of the source, the feeling is overpowering and isolating. They may be different chapters in the story, but the devastation is hauntingly familiar. (As is a recurring theme in Midnights as a whole: there are situations and feelings that present themselves at different points in her journey and colour in the lines in different ways along the road. Like revisiting an old vice and realizing the hit isn’t quite the same as it was in the past.)

Death by a thousand cuts

She also writes about wounds on this album, which isn't surprising I suppose given that the whole conceit is that these are things that have kept her up at night over the years. WCS is perhaps the driving narrative on this never ending hurt when she sings, “The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign, I regret you all the time,” suggesting that no matter what she does, the pain of this experience has permeated everything she’s done afterwards. (Not unlike the overwhelming grief in BTTWS, for instance.) Elsewhere, in High Infidelity she sings, "Lock broken, slur spoken, wound open, game token," and in Hits Different, "Make it make some sense why the wound is still bleeding.” Again I'm not suggesting they're about the same events; the line in HI is about a situation where a partner crosses a boundary, hits below the belt, picks at an insecurity (or creates a new one) and treats the relationship like it's transactional, opening the floodgates in turn. In HD, the wound seems to be more self-inflicted, where she's pushed the person away. (Over a situation real or imagined she feels she needs distance from.) But again, something has picked at her like a raw nerve, and just like in the past, she's hurting, even in a different time and place and person. Almost like the wounds of the past break open over and over again to create new scars. If one were to extrapolate further, it wouldn’t be the biggest leap to wonder if the wound open in WCS, then torn apart in HI makes the one in HD hurt even more.

(I once wrote a post about how I think as time goes on, WCS is going to turn into one of those songs that will be found to drive so much of her work, because it’s just… kind of the unsaid thesis statement of so much of her songwriting.)

Another repeated theme is that of the empty home and loneliness. In High Infidelity, she sings, "At the house lonely, good money I'd pay if you just know me, seemed like the right thing at the time," painting a picture of someone who may have everything they'd want to the outside world, but in reality feels metaphorically trapped in their home (or at least alone amidst abundance), a symbol of a relationship gone sour and a failure to build connection. She just wants someone to understand her, want her for her, but as she's written earlier in the song, she's just a pawn in the game, a trophy from the hunt. Home, in this case, is lonely, isolated, an emblem of her fears. In Dear Reader, she continues this thread, then singing, "You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking, if you knew where I was walking, to a house not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there, where I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care, no one sees you lose when you're playing solitaire." It's the same idea, admitting to listeners that the gilded cage she lived in kept her distanced from her loved ones and real connection, keeping her struggles close to the vest but feeling desperately lonely amidst her crowning success. She's pushed people away and it may have felt like the right thing at the time, but in the end maybe felt like she was trapped. And when you push people away, eventually they take you at your word and stop pushing back; you’re a victim of your own success at isolating yourself. What starts out of self-preservation then further perpetuates the underlying problems.

(There's another interesting link about "home" also feeling unsafe with HI's "Your picket fence is sharp as knives," which further leads into the theme of marriage/domesticity feeling dangerous, which is a whole other thing I won't get into here because it's another discussion and may derail this already gargantuan word salad.)

In a slightly similar vein, we have the metaphor of bad weather for a rocky road or unstable relationship, in High Infidelity again with, "Storm coming, good husband, bad omen, dragged my feet right down the aisle" and You’re Losing Me’s "every morning I glared at you with storms in my eyes.” They aren’t speaking of the same situation or even same kind of breakdown, but it is pretty interesting how the idea of clouds/storms/floods/etc. play such a role in Taylor’s music to signal depression, apprehension, fear, uncertainty, etc. In HI, I think the “storm” coming is the looming threat of commitment to a partner who makes the narrator uneasy (if not fearful). In this case, the idea of making a life with this person is not one that incites joy or comfort, but instead makes the narrator feel that dark times are ahead if she continues down this path. Perhaps in some way, the “storms” in YLM have made good on the threat in HI in a different way; it’s a different home, a different relationship, but the clouds have settled in regardless, and some of her fears have come to fruition in ways she did not expect. The person she once trusted no longer sees her or her struggles (or worse, doesn’t care), and the resentment and pain build with each passing day.

Coming back to heartbreak, one of the obvious "full circle" moments is the beginning of a relationship in Paris, where she says that, "I'm so in love that I might stop breathing," clearly enthralled in a new love that allows her to shut the world out and grow in private, capturing the all-encompassing nature of the relationship. This infatuation has consumed her in the most wonderful way (in contrast to the sorrow of some of the previous songs), and it feels like a life-altering (or even life-sustaining?) force that is so strong she may forget what it’s like to breathe. (Metaphorically speaking, of course.) By the end of the album, though, in You're Losing Me, that heart-stopping love has become a threat: "my heart won't start anymore for you." In the former, her racing heart is full of excitement, but by the latter, her heart has given out completely under the weight of the pain she bears. (YLM is full of death/illness imagery which I already wrote about awhile ago so I won't hear, but needless to say that song deserves its own essay for so many reasons.) She's gone from the unbridled joy of the beginnings of a relationship to the unrelenting sorrow of its end, two sides of the same coin.

Love as death appears elsewhere in the music too, for instance, in High Infidelity’s, “You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough" and You’re Losing Me’s “How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying? […] My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick.” Though not completely analogous situations, they both tell the tale of one partner’s apathy (or at least denial) destroying the other. In the former, the partner’s actions (or inaction) are more insidious, if not sinister; in the latter, the lack of momentum (or admission of a problem) is passive. In both cases, the end result is the narrator’s demise; it’s a drawn out affair that chips away at her morale and her health and her sense of self. (Breaking my own rule about bringing in alleged actual events into the discussion, but the idea that the relationship in High Infidelity, which was obviously fraught with unease and even fear, ended in a similarly excruciatingly slow and hurtful death by a thousand cuts as the relationship in You’re Losing Me almost did at that time must have been so painful. It almost feels like YLM is wondering why what used to be a source of light in her life was mirroring a situation that caused her such pain in the past.)

From the same little breaks in your soul

I said early on that part of what is so compelling about Midnights is that it feels like an album about ruminating — on choices, on events, on people — and the two final “bonus” tracks of the album depict that as well. In Hits Different, she sings that, “they say if it’s right, you know,” an ode to the confusion of a breakup and struggling with the aftermath of calling it quits. It’s a line that has always intrigued me, because the typical use of the phrase is in the sense of, “you’ll know when you meet the one,” but here it seems to have a double meaning, a reassurance perhaps from the friends (who later on tell her that "love is a lie") that she’ll know if she’s made the right decision in calling it off, but could also be her wondering if the relationship is right, she’ll know, and want to reconcile. In the final bonus track, You’re Losing Me, she sings, “now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time,” this time leaving no doubt about the dilemma she faces, though it’s no less fraught. She’s wondering, perhaps for the last time, if now is finally the moment to end the relationship for good. They say that if it’s right she’ll know, and now she’s wondering if that feeling inside her (that once told her her partner was the one, which is why it hit differently), is telling her that it’s time to go for good. Wait Alexa play “It’s Time To Go.” These are not only the things that keep her up at night, but the things that play over in her mind like a film reel in her waking hours.

Midnights as a whole is a deeply personal album, as is most of Taylor's work, but the 3am+ edition tracks seem to dig even deeper to a lot of the issues raised on the standard album. Almost like the standard tracks are the things she wonders about on sleepless nights, but the bonus tracks are the things that haunt her in the aftermath. The regret, anger, sadness, grief, relief, even joy— they’re the price she pays for the memories she keeps reliving. Midnights might be the most cohesive narrative of all her albums, and really does feel like we’re watching someone work through her journal over time, stopping short of outright naming those giant fears and intrusive thoughts (except for when she does) but making them plain as day when you connect the songs together, and perhaps never more clearly than in the expanded album. It’s incredible how the songs stand on their own to relay a specific moment in time, but that they are also self-referential to each other (whether thematically or overtly) to weave a larger web over the entire work. We’re so lucky as fans to have these stories and to keep peeling back these layers as time passes. (And my literature-analysis-loving ass loves her even more for it.)

This is obviously by no means an exhaustive list, and I know there are more parallels and probably even stronger links (particularly when you add the standard version into the mix), but these were the ones that particularly struck me and I’m just glad I’ve had a chance to sit with this and think it through. ❤️

[raiiny-bay]

the final evolution

[mylove-thresher]

I keep trying to post shit I been drawing lately BUT I CANT. I CANNOT BRING MYSELF TO. THE WORMS INSIDE MY HEAD DO NOT APPROVE OF THEM. I CANNOT FUCKING DRAW. PUT ME DOWN. I DONT FEEL THE SILLY IN ME.

[boycritter]

sorry. im still pissed off about my english class today. can everyone shut the fuck up about the holocaust forever. please. holy shit.

[seilon]

love when this is referred to as the gifted kid website. shockingly my mental disorders made me mentally disordered and school never really vibed with that so. couldn’t be me

[cringelock]

say what you will but knowing how to write effectively is a skill. in many jobs you’re going to be writing reports, papers, even professional emails. to do this you must have a good grasp of adult, professional writing. it’s not adequately taught in high school. you’re gonna get that in college level writing courses, and you learn it by actually being made to write the essays. freshmen come into my classroom not able to write coherent sentences or having no idea how to do research, and they want to be doctors and lawyers! they cannot skip over or sidestep these skills. if chatgpt does your essay writing for you in a writing course, you get nothing out of it. you are not learning the important skill that has a lot of bearing on future courses and your professional life. it’s important to learn how to communicate effectively. it’s important to be able to present yourself professionally in writing, for many people. i can’t believe i have to say this. students should learn to write essays!!! sorry! who cares if you use chatgpt for a biology essay i guess but to insinuate that all criticisms of students using AI to write their school papers for them comes from some bitter “it was harder for me” nonsense or from a desire to limit how many people get degrees is INSANE! i’m not rooting against you i want you to be able to think and read critically and communicate your thoughts effectively. fuck.

[crowscadence]

Why do I write my best essays when half asleep

Edit: idk what my grade is but my English teacher stopped me out of class to say how good it was so yay

[heartyearning]

Uni student (semi-officially now)

[codgod]

favourite part of writing is how different it looks to my Typing just how i Talk on a regular basis. like oh yeah baby i know what grammar is i know the rules and i break them anyway yeehaw

[leodoriya]

actually crying real tears in psychology class rn bc of how fucking tired i am. and the project is still due tomorrow. hjjnnggghhh.

[natjennie]

i need professional websites to just come down off their fucking high horse for a second and speak to me like a person. "your associates degree of science in core curriculum with pathway courses related to" SHUT UP!!!! speak normal!!!!!!!! please just tell me what classes I'd need to take and how I do it for fucks sake.