#when i hyper fixate on works over several hours

[burningthegallows]

“Ma,” Harry’s baby self gurgles, reaching out pudgy hands towards Lily. “Ma!”

Snape freezes and stands up, finally peering into the crib. His baby self smiles when he sees Snape and holds up his hands. “Up! Ma!”

He slumps, holding onto the sides of the crib so tightly the whole thing creaks. His shoulder shake, and Harry comes to the uncomfortable realization that he’s seeing his horrible potions professor cry.

There’s no safe place to look, either Snape’s tears or his mother’s body, and he hates this, he can’t do this anymore.

— from Chapter 15, Survival is a Talent, by @shanastoryteller

[tootiecakes234]

The Nanami brain rot has taken over😭

Here are random Kento Headcanons:

SFW:

You will not pay for a single thing whilst in this man presence and will feel completely insulted if you even THINK about paying yourself.

His nicknames for you: darling, my love, sweetheart, angel, my good girl🤭 and Y/N(only when he’s being stern with you)

Spoils you and I mean spoiled rotten. You have hyper fixations, he completely indulging you in whatever it is. You have a hobby, he’s providing all the supplies you need to fulfill it.

As soon as you start spending nights at his house, his bathroom is fully stocked with everything you might need, he keeps your favorite foods on deck and buys several changes of clothes for you to keep there.

He works and often but any free time he has is spent with you. You are the only reason he ever takes vacation time. He will whisk you away to a tropical island for a week and indulge you both.

He gets so tense from work sometimes and having you work out kinks for him and generally just give him much needed massages is his favorite thing in the whole world.

Nanami also really likes buying outfits for you to wear. And will lay out outfits for you to wear on random days.

If he has the time, he always cooks for you but he really appreciates that reciprocate that and cook for him on days when he doesn’t have the time.

NSFW

This man has 3 vastly different sides to him and bed and it’s really just depends on his mood which one you’re going to get.

You have the adoring Kento who worships your body like you’re a goddess. Kisses & caresses like you’re the finest of china. He has nights when all he cares about is your pleasure and he’ll be between your legs for hours without ever finishing himself.

Then you have the needy starved Kento that ravages you like, simply put, a whore. Will put your down on your hands and knees and fucks your mouth like a cunt. Pulls your hair while fucks into your from behind telling you how filthy and sloppy your cunt in in your ear. This Kento also borders the line of being an exhibitionist.

And the the 3rd kento that LOVES to tease you. Where he touches you all day, kissing your neck and behind your ear but when you get home will act like nothings happened and waits until you beg him to fuck you. The one that brings you to the brink of orgasm over and over but never letting you finish until you start crying. This kento is also borderline exhibitionist.

Not matter what side of his you get tho, afterwards he is right back to being the devoted boyfriend/husband with the immaculate aftercare.

Also think this man is very into anal play so beware of his slipping fingers and toys into no man’s land.

He will offer to bring in toys very early in the sexual relationship because he understand they are an enhancement to your pleasure and he’d never deny you. He also has toys he likes you to use on him as well.

Loves tying your hands together or to the headboard while he has his way with you. Usually uses of his ties to do so.

Anyways…. I can’t stop thinking about him. In my current daydream we are buying our first house together and these are re couple of the Headcanons I’ve imagined so far🤭

Also I didn’t proofread so🥺 don’t be mean.

Kento Nanami Masterlist

[happyandticklish]

The Joke's That Make You Laugh

Notes: Inspired by this post by @nhasablogg because I've been fixated on the concept ever since I saw it. Anyways, Wonka gives off insane lee energy and I refuse to believe he wouldn't get up to shit like this. Based on the new Wonka movie.

Summary: Wonka's newest chocolate creation has him in stitches.

Willy's heart raced as he looked down at the creation on his table. It was a beautiful thing. The appetizing treat curled slightly into a bow with golden tendrils spanning out into dozens of soft barbs. It very nearly seemed to flutter with the breeze flowing in through the window with how lifelike it appeared, though Willy knew this was impossible.

A feather. A simple creation when compared to the hundreds of wonders Willy had stocked his factory with, but its appeal was not held in its design. It was in what it could do.

He sat back in his chair, holding his chin as he stared at it. His leg jumped and jerked under the table in an unsteady, anxious rhythm. He and the feather held a silent staring contest as he debated adding finishing touches. Behind it sat several copies of the same chocolate in a pile—he always made sure to create back-ups. Perhaps he should add speckles to the top for realism, or splatter a black coating on the quill to appear as ink. None of this mattered, really. If he was being honest with himself, the chocolate had been finished thirty minutes ago and all of his tinkering and fussing was mere procrastination.

Willy wasn’t embarrassed. That was silly, after all, to be embarrassed of something that no one will see but you, that impacts no one but you. Not quite nervous, either. He had wanted to try creating something like this for a while now, even if the idea hadn’t quite formed into a coherent thought yet. He was excited about this. He wanted this. No, if he were to put it into words, it was a vague apprehension, a worry that it wouldn’t work, or worse, that it would work too well.

He tapped his fingers against the table. He leapt to his feet. He paced around several yard before whirling back to face the innocent feather.

“It’s just chocolate,” he muttered to himself. “Familiar territory.”

Before he could overthink it anymore, he snatched the treat and popped it into his mouth.

He rolled the chocolate around with his tongue. White chocolate, notes of hazelnut, all with a sweet vanilla glaze. It was, as always, delicious. He held it in the pocket of his cheek, allowing the warmth of his mouth to dissolve it.

Stalling.

Willy frowned, before determinedly swallowing it.

The effect was not instantaneous. He had made sure to calculate in a slight delay as there had been some fear of choking by accident. He was hyper aware of his own nervous system, unsure if what he was feeling was a tingling sensation or merely the butterflies swooping in his stomach.

Now that he had done it, worries began to flood Willy’s mind. He was alone, as he often was. There was Noodle and the rest of them, and the Oompa Loompas of course, but not here, not in his personal bedroom, not in his factory after hours. Sometimes they would stay late to finish up orders, and the Oompa Loompas slept here at the factory. If something had gone wrong, it would only be reasonable to get him. What if someone came in? What if it didn’t fade out in time? What if he had gotten the calculations wrong and it never wore off?

What if it was a dud and he was working himself up over nothing?

Just as he was about to go and check if the door was actually locked, however, Willy felt it. It was faint at first, a mere spark of something in his stomach. Soon, however, the spark multiplied until it was less of a spark and more of a crawling sensation over his lower abdomen, like spiders with feathers for legs.

“Oh. Oh.” A grin was breaking out across his features, his legs far less steady than they were mere moments before. He thought about making a break for the bed, but the sensation was only getting worse, and he found himself crumpling to the ground, arms wrapped protectively around his stomach.

It tickled. God, it tickled. More than he had anticipated, despite having created the recipe himself. It was spreading out from his stomach now and heading toward his sides. He dug beneath his coat, his own fingers gripping frantically at his undershirt in an unconscious effort to stop the feeling. Giggles welled up in his throat and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to keep them in. But it just wouldn’t stop. It was all just so intentional and teasing. Swipes up his sides, pokes at his ribs, fluttery fingers scuttling across his hips and down to his lower back. It was an overwhelming force of gentleness that he couldn’t fight off no matter how much he wanted to.

He knew logically that the chocolate was merely activating his nervous system and making his mind believe that it tickled when in actuality he was fine. One of the core ingredients to the chocolate was a rare hallucinogen he had found while out on his travels that was meant to interfere with one’s nervous system.

The idea for a tickling chocolate was one he had been working on for a while by then (secretly, of course, in the late hours of the night when the longing for it transferred into a desire so intense that he thought he might actually die if he didn't have it fulfilled), so when he stumbled across the plant, he knew immediately what to do.

He had tweaked it of course, taken out any dangerous elements, and only added in enough for about twenty minutes—nothing too crazy. So, rationally, he knew there was nothing really happening to him.

Still. It felt real.

Red crept up Willy's neck, tinging his ears as he twitched and jerked away from his invisible oppressors. It was a strange feeling, being tickled by one’s own mind—no pesky hands to fight off, no people to plead to. Just a grown man giggling to himself on his bedroom floor. And the only person he had to blame for this was himself. All of this was going on in his own mind, after all. As such, it was easy to convince himself that all he really needed to do to get it to stop was stop believing that it tickled at all—even if it was a goal that he hoped to fail at.

Willy forced his eyes open, taking deep, shuddering breaths. He glared firmly down at his own legs, holding the image of them in his mind. He could see nothing touching him, therefore there was nothing touching him. Thus, his mind had to be wrong in its attempts to convince Willy that something was squeezing devastating pinches higher and higher up his legs.

“It doesn’t tickle,” he gritted out, his wide grin saying otherwise. “It doesn’t… mmhmm… doesn’t tickle!”

Fingers crawling up toward his torso.

“Doesn’t—”

Scribbling over his stomach.

“Ti—”

Thumbs digging into his hips.

“—ihicKLE! Oh, what’s the pohohoint!” He doubled over at last, cackling wildly as he held his stomach. “Why does it hahave to tihickle so much!?” To who he was speaking, he couldn’t say, but some part of his mind was convinced that if he put the information out into the universe that maybe it would lend a helping hand. When that didn’t work, he attempted a more accepting method.

“N-now, now,” he assured himself, as though condoling a wailing child. “It’s just, ah, tihickling! Nothing t-to get so wohorked up about!” This was answered by several rapid-fire pokes to his ribs that sent him falling back and rolling about the floor. He knew it was impossible for the tickling to in any way be impacted by himself, as proven earlier, but it was starting to feel a tad bit personal as time went on.

Willy’s shoulders scrunched as soft touches flicked behind his ears, seeming to almost kiss his neck. He covered his face, groaning into his hands. It couldn’t have been more than five minutes. How was he going to survive the next fifteen?

Willy continued to lie there as he waited for the chocolate’s effects to wear off, squirming frantically in desperate mirth. What he didn’t see was the shadow of a man right outside his window that he had failed to notice in the excitement of his creation. They perched on the sill, observing him carefully until Willy’s laughter transformed into a few trickling giggles as the effects of the potion wore off.

They watched him as he carefully stood up, still a bit wobbly from the tickling, and walked over to lock up the remaining chocolates on the table in a little sealed jar that he shoved behind some books on his shelf.

It wasn’t until Willy had finally gone to bed that they emerged, shuffling carefully into the room and quietly sneaking over to the bookshelf. They scaled the wood paneling with ease, careful to make sure Willy was still out. The tickling had exhausted him, however, so it seemed, and so the man had no trouble sneaking behind the books and opening the little jar, sticking his orange hand inside.

The Oompa-Loompa smiled as he beheld the ornate sweet. It was true he was no longer conspiring against the chocolatier, but he hadn’t yet lost his penchant for mischief. Besides, it was just tickling—a harmless prank. He shoved the chocolate pieces into his pockets, quickly hopping down from the shelf and sneaking out the window before his plans could be ruined.

He held high hopes that this was going to be an eventful week.

[just-a-gamer-daydeamer-girl]

So now I’m hyper fixated on Rayman again I should probably post some of my head canons on the limbless guy

Rayman is a master at playing all the instruments in the plucked string family. Including the harp. Every time I hear his theme in Rayman M I keep thinking he is the one completely rocking the Banjo.

He also has a hobby in painting. Just anything he feels like painting he paints, he mostly just does it for himself and doesn’t give any of his paintings away even as gifts. It’s more a hobby for himself and he either doesn’t feel comfortable with giving his works away or doesn’t think that there good enough.

His love language is quality time, he doesn’t care what they do he just wants to spend time with others. Weather it’s sleeping together with globox, helping Ly or listening to murffy ramble.

He does have a spa day at least every week.

Rayman often leaves his home, no one in the glade knows where he goes or how to find him but he always comes back after a few days. The popular theory is that he trains his skills in private during this time but no one knows.

He gets really angry when others blame him for things he has no control over or when he ends up failing and telling him that it’s his fault .

Rayman and Barbara have a bit of a toxic relationship. They both enable each other’s reckless behavior. But their friendship is more of a friendly rivalry more than anything. They are adventurous buddies to the end.

He knows how to fight with a battle axe, and other weapons, Barbara and the other princesses taught him.

In legends he ended up getting captured several times and Barbara had to save him. (Like from the giant toad in the Rayman legends trailer)

He and Barbara often wrestle and have some playful fights together. Sometimes this goes on for hours.

Rayman has a strange relationship with Betilla, she is both his mom but also kinda not. Betilla is conflicting because she genuinely thinks of Rayman as her son (even if she doesn’t realize it) but her duties as a Protector kinda conflict with that (basically her feelings are conflicting with her logic) as she created Rayman to save the world. They really need to talk about their relationship but Betilla kinda keeps pushing the subject away. This is one of the main reasons why Rayman left the valley, he was sick of not getting a straight answer. But he does genuinely care for her.

This odd relationship extends to the other Nymphs, who all adore and care for Rayman but due to their duties keep bit of distance from the limbless boy. Except Voodoo Mama, she full blown calls herself Auntie Voodoo to Rayman and insists on calling Betilla his mother. She is the one who helps Rayman leave the valley, understanding all of his reasons to do so.

The magician (Rayman 1) actually helped raise Rayman if Betilla was too busy. He taught Rayman important lessons about morality. He also liked hyping him up with dramatic speeches and was the first one to call rayman a hero despite, him haven’t done any heroics yet.

Rayman keeps his past and his relationships with his mother and aunts a secret but he does let some things slip every now and again. Hence why the Phantom knows about Mr dark.

Rayman is a foodie, he loves all kinds of food and enjoys eating anything. And he can technically eat anything with no problem, but that doesn’t mean he likes the taste.

He sometimes visits has conversations with both Polokus and Jano.

He is asexual (I don’t think he ever shown any interest whatsoever) but he may be open to a romantic relationship.

Some nights he can’t sleep and just watches the sky.

Hates being picked up and held like a doll or a kid.

The way he ‘ages’ is different from others as instead of growing up naturally he instead incorporates energy, lums and magic into his body which allows him to get bigger and changes his appearance over time. (I think the limbless are creatures who are unable to age)

Rayman makes a majority of his own clothes or gets them custom Made. Not a lot of shops made for limbless people around.

He likes a wide variety of music, mostly he likes 2000’s music though.

Rayman loves to enjoy the little things in life, he likes the idea of riches and glory but doesn’t love it.

He loves children, and is a really good babysitter.

He actually gets really scared when facing threats, he gets scared when fighting Mr Darks forces, the robot pirates, the hoodlums, the knaaren, even the Rabbids scare him. But he knows that fear isn’t something to be ashamed of, embraces it, and manages to act despite of it. That is genuine courage. 

He is clever, and can be an absolute troll when he wants to be, using his extended reach to pull pranks.

He takes care of the walking shell like a pet, it has a weird power of putting itself back together.

There are a lot of legends and rumors about him from what he accomplished and what he looks like to his backstory. Some of them are extremely wild and a lot of people don’t realize that the Rayman in the rumors is the same guy when they meet him in real life.

His hands and feet sometimes wanders around with out his knowledge when he is deep in sleep.

He is very aware that one’s species and looks do not attribute to how good or evil they are. He learned this lesson from others who judged him purely on looks, many people have attacked him in the past due to his appearance and thinking he is a monster.

He ended up ultimately failing to save Globox’s children from the Rabbids, someone else saved them. But he did in up accidentally saving the Rabbids by unknowingly teaching them to enjoy the little things in life, that it’s okay to make mistakes, enjoying their own sense of fashion and getting them into hobbies, allowing them to actually be happy and Turing them away from their conquest and destruction in the long run, and this all eventually leads to the Rabbid heroes in Mario + rabbids. Some Rabbids actually worship him as a god for opening their eyes to the wonders of the universe. To bad no one really knows about this connection.

After the Rabbids invasion Rayman starts having trouble sleeping (Ubisoft gave him eye bags in sparks of hope) and his friends (minus Barbara who hasn’t been aware of this situation due to reasons) were a bit disappointed in him after failing to defeat the Rabbids, not offering him any comfort or compassion to him, treating him differently then they used to. This did not help his mental health, and he started taking longer trips from home. (This is not my original idea but I love it.)

Rayman went to the phantom show because he had nothing better to do.

The Phantom invited Rayman because he as a few memories of him before he got fussed, he is also a bit jealous of the limbless hero.

There is quite a bit of distrust between Rayman, Rabbid Mario and Rabbid peach. Beep-o has to play peace keeper. (There is no way he instantly trusts them just because they say they’re heroes.) They do end up forming a genuine friendship by the end of the game but there was a bit of drama we didn’t get to see.

Rabbid Mario is the most friendly to him, liking Rayman’s vibe. But it takes awhile for Rabbid Peach to warm up to him. Rayman is visibly untrusting but civil to all the Rabbids.

When asked about why he doesn’t like the Rabbids by Beep-o he tells the truth about how they originally came from the glade of dreams, invaded and captured others and all the other horrific stuff. He says that he knows that it’s silly to judge if someones good or evil because of their race, but that’s not gonna stop him from being weary of the Rabbids. Rabbid Mario just looks horrified, Rabbid Peach just scoffs saying that she would never be apart of some dum- but never finishing her sentence.

Rayman is technically a demigod.

If he ever met Ramon he would except him as a family member.

He knows the value of listening

Might do more later

[the-courtsjester]

Greetings ladies and gentlemen... and things, life if hard and trying to actually make a story with my own characters that's being mixed in with a show's own lore and balancing life is draining, I have two other stories I'm trying to work on in Tumbler so hopefully soon enough I can get one of them out. But anyway now enjoy these headcanons

Stelle x Male Reader headcanons

Stelle is basically a dog let's say that she'll follow you everywhere even break open the door to the bathroom to just... watch you, her brain dosen't even register your pants are down or that you're naked if you're showering, she just stares into your eyes not blinking until you pat her.

Stelle is easily gets bored why do you think she jumps in trash all the time? But if a conversation doesn't directly require her but you don't need to go through the process of cleaning her later, she has her own built in leash on the back of her jacket, and as pouty as she gets your stare of disappoint is super affective against her.

You ever see someone in a cartoon or show sleep in the weirdest position? Well when you don't get in bed with her fast enough and she falls asleep she'll manage to get in some weird positions, like half her body hanging off the bed, you fix this obviously but in the morning she'll somehow look like she's trying to hit a dance move while sleeping.

She definitely doesn't spend money wisely, I mean she knows how to not spend all of it and have some in reserve, but if she has some extra money and sees something stupid she knows you'll enjoy she'll buy it so long as she has enough money, one time she once bought you a large plushie that now takes over a corner of your room but hey it's to see your smile so worth it.

Oh you some super hyper fixation on something? Well don't keep it from her she wants to know so you both can share a brain cell and enjoy it together while snuggling on a couch or something, in short term it's now our hyper fixation.

Stelle definitely stares off into space thinking of you in many different scenarios, when she's eventually brought back into the conversation she'll look at you before covering her face in embarrassment from what she just imagined.

That baseball bat of hers is really good for bonking her and stopping her from taking a trashcan from the worlds you visit, only once have you let her bring one onto the Express after decontaminating it several times over, she sits in it like a cat in a cup it's cute.

When you have to leave the Express for awhile she'll be much more bored then usual, which means it's the perfect time to join March on some mischief, one time they set up the Express to be full of traps like Home Alone... Dan Heng was not happy to be their victim.

Your late night talks get weird, like talking about what animal you could one v one with just fists, how much food you could consume in an hour, how amazing it would be to rest your head on Himeko's chest for even a second, you both agreed it would be one of the top things you'd kill someone for.

She's kinda in the middle when it comes to be jealous, she'll definitely feel like you could be paying attention to her more if it's someone you both don't know that much, but if it someone you at least know she doesn't particularly care as much thanks to you being a great boyfriend that shows all the love in the world for your weird dog raccoon girlfriend.

Ah finally I've finished something hopefully my lovely audience enjoyed the show, again I'll try and focus on finishing the stories but no promises but I hope you all have a great rest of your night or day

And scene...

[softblesses]

Winter is Here.

This is a fic created for the lovers of sickfic & some snz, mostly just created for my self indulgence. Please don’t reblog to non-kink blogs. It hasn’t been fully beta read or edited yet, but I’m impatient.

Feel free to hop into my dms to discuss and yell about N/eal Ca/ffrey & the show in general! I’m on a rewatch and back in my hyper fixate stages. I’m not done writing for these lot just yet!

~Part 1 below the line~

“Dammit, Neal. .” Was a phrase Peter Burke found himself saying multiple times a day, several times a week. His CI was late again, and hasn’t been answering his phone. Granted, it’s only been half an hour, but there’s no telling when Neal will arrive or what excuse he’ll come up with this time.

Eventually, almost two hours later, Peter spots him making his way across the bullpen and upstairs. There’s a coffee cup in his hand, of course, and his hat is slightly askew and dusted with snow.

“And what time do you call this, exactly?” Peter mutters, not looking up from his paperwork as he flicks through another page and sighs.

A pause. “I’m guessing you don’t want me to answer with the exact time?” Neal questions, removing his hat and taking a seat, tipping the cup up to his mouth to finish the hot drink up.

Peter sighs once again, simply sliding a pile of papers Neal’s way. “Paperwork day, congratulations,” he mutters, glancing up at his informant and watching his disappointed facial expression towards the task at hand.

Neal picks up a pen from the conference room desk, and scans over the pages. He flicks through them pages, click-clacks the pen a few times, and sighs heavily, followed by a yawn.

“Boring you already?” Peter hums, gaze still concentrated on the work before him as he hunches over.

“Somethin’ like that,” Neal mutters back, moving to stand.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Burke sits upright, an eyebrow quirked upwards and arms folding neatly across his chest.

“Jeez, Peter. A man isn’t allowed to use the bathroom anymore?” His hands held up in surrender, before making his way to the door.

Heading across the bullpen, his pace a little slower than usual, Neal clears his throat; once, twice. It’s still scratchy, and he’d assumed it was just lack of water whilst sleeping overnight. He sniffles next, and surely that was just the freeze in the air outside; winter has dawned upon New York with a vengeance, and the chill he feels certainly confirms that much. But, a second before he reaches the men’s room, he sneezes. Not all that unusual. . . It happens, from time to time.

He eventually makes his way back to the conference room, blinking a few times and sniffling again. He should’ve warmed up by now; the office has heating, and usually he has no issues with temperature regulation. But something isn’t quite right this morning. Neal sits, shifting uncomfortably as he stares at the page in front of him. He’s always hated this part of their deal, working the cases and having to fill in page after page of writing afterwards — especially after a particularly in-depth job. But, it’s not that bad , and usually they get pizza and coffees and he’ll complain until Peter lets him take a break or two.

Today, Neal Caffrey is almost silent. Peter doesn’t like that, because a silent Neal means something is up. He’s planning something, or working on some sort of escape out of the inevitable boredom of paperwork, surely.

“Neal?” Peter calls for a second time, staring across at his partner. “Anyone home?”

Watering blue eyes glance upwards, and a quick swipe of his hand dries them off. “What?” He doesn’t mean to snap, but he’s tired, and Peter’s bothering him for something that will most likely be a quip against him. It doesn’t usually bother him, but today he doesn’t want to hear it.

“Jeez, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, huh?”

“I was asking, do you want pizza? My treat.”

Neal looks back down at his papers, subtly trying to rub at his nose. “No, thanks. I ate.” It’s not all a lie. He had a pastry before leaving the house, but now he really wasn’t hungry.

Squinting at him, Peter shrugs. Something was off about him today, and he’ll get to the bottom of it. . After he rounds up the others, and gets their pizza orders in. He leaves the room after a minute or two, and Neal sinks down in his chair with a relieved sigh. He reaches into his suit pocket for the few squares of tissue he’d taken from the bathroom, and pats at his nose. Neal Caffrey doesn’t get sick. He thought to himself, stifling a sneeze against his wrist and rubbing his eyes.

He gets to his feet after that, collecting up his papers and sneaking out of the room and to his desk. It’ll be easier to concentrate here, that’s what he’ll tell Peter. He’s just tired, and the weather is making his head all fuzzy. In fact, he barely notices Peter coming up behind him, and he even uncharacteristically flinches as a hand settles on his shoulder a moment later.

“Everything okay?”

“Fine.” Neal deadpans, scrawling some notes onto his sheet.

“You sure?”

“Peter, I’m just doing what I’m not paid for. Can concentrate better down here — Jones chews too loud.” He mutters, and really, it’s not exactly a lie.

“Alright. . Pizza’s gonna be up there soon if you want some.” The footsteps wander away, and Neal’s left alone again.

An hour passes by, and then another, and Peter’s keeping an eye on Neal through the glass of the conference room. In fairness, he hasn’t seen him do anything particularly strange. . . Aside from visit the bathroom once or twice, and make his way back and forth from the water cooler. Maybe he’s calling the short friend. Or, maybe he’s just thirsty. Either way, he seems grumpy and Peter would rather leave him to sulk about the paperwork day alone, if that’s what gives them some peace for the rest of the afternoon.

The day begins to draw to a close as the clock ticks closer to five pm, yet the piles of papers don’t seem to be dissipating at the same rate. Peter exhales heavily as he signs off on another report, placing it carefully on top of the other one. He’d sent Jones home a few minutes ago, and Lauren too. They didn’t have as much to do, and the weather looked to be worsening — the both of them lived further than Peter does.

His eyebrows raise as there’s a small knock at the door, and his eyes light up at the pleasant sight of his wife. Peter stands, grinning now. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” He questions, stepping closer and giving her a kiss on the cheek. . . But, she doesn’t look as happy to see him as he does her.

Uh oh. What did he do now?

“Well, I was on my way home and wanted to bring you some warm treats. . .” El trails off, folding her arms with the paper bag still in hand.

“But?” Peter adds expectantly, genuinely dumbfounded.

“Have you seen Neal?”

“Oh, God, what did he —“ the agent glances over at Neal’s desk, surprised to see he’s still there. Not only

Is he still there, but. . .

“Is he asleep?” Peter scoffs out something of a laugh, shaking his head. “Working hard or hardly workin’, huh?”

“Peter!” El scolds, giving him a light tap on the arm.

“What?!”

“Have you actually paid attention to him? C’mon.” She gestures for her husband to follow her down into the bullpen, and all the way to Neal’s desk. He’s snoring, head resting against his arm. His cheeks seem to display a light flush, and the tip of his nose looks irritated and red.

Peter frowns.

“Honey, he’s sick. He must be exhausted!” El whispers, a look of genuine sympathy crossing her features. “We need to take him home. He needs fluids and rest, not paperwork and scolding.”

Peter is speechless for a moment. Neal? Sick? He’d thought he was simply up to something, and in a bad mood because of their boring day of work. He supposes it makes sense now — avoiding him, going to the bathroom more often and drinking lots of water. He must’ve been trying to soothe a sore throat, and had clearly been hiding it from Peter, too.

“He pulled a health con on me. .” He mutters, watching as his wife gently rouses his CI from the slumber he’s been in for God knows how long. Some Detective, huh?

Neal sits up fast, a sharp intake of breath causing a light bout coughing. There’s a sheet of paper stuck to his cheek, and his hair is disheveled and sweaty. Peter tries not to laugh at the sight, as bad as he feels for him at the same time.

“Contrary to popular belief,” Neal mumbles, voice thick with congestion now. “I was not asleep. I was envisioning. . Paperwork, with my eyes. Closed. My eyes closed.”

El pouts, looking at Peter, before reaching to pluck the stuck paper from Neal’s cheek. “I think you’re a little feverish, honey. Let’s get you home.” She offers Neal an arm, to which he takes without question; a dazed sort of look in his usually bright blue eyes. Peter gathers up their things, and they begin to lead the confused conman to their car outside.

“What about the paperwork?” Neal asks, frowning as he’s ushered into the elevator. “Peter always makes me do paperwork. El, did you know? Your husband. . He’s mean.” Neal ‘whispers,’ and leans against the wall for support.

“It can wait,” Peter answers simply. “And, I’m not mean.”

“He didn’t give me pizza.”

“You didn’t want pizza!”

“El, he’s shouting at me.” Neal pouts, closing his eyes and resting his head against her shoulder. She places an arm around him to keep him steady, biting against her bottom lip to keep in a chuckle. He’s clearly still sleepy, and somewhat delirious. Poor thing.

They manage to get Neal to the car in one piece, and Peter gets in the driver’s seat, whilst El sits in the back to keep an eye on their passenger. She glances at him, watching his teeth chatter and listening to him sniffle. He must’ve been feeling off all day, and the weather certainly can’t be helping anything.

“Neal?” She says softly, frowning as he flinches at the car engine starting up.

It takes a moment, but he looks at her, somewhat of a lucid gaze staring back.

“Tissue?” She smiles, offering him a packet that she had in her bag. He reaches for it, mumbling a quiet and stuffy ‘thanks,’ before plucking one out and holding it to his nose.

The rest of the car ride is mostly silent, with Neal resting his head against the cooling car window, and drifting off to sleep before they’d even left the parking garage building. Elizabeth and Peter exchange whispered conversation along the way, until they pull up outside their house and quietly argue about who has to wake Neal.

“But, he looks so peaceful!”

“He can’t stay in the car, he’ll get cold. C’mon.” Peter opens his door, and walks around the side of the car to let Elizabeth out.

She sighs, giving her husband a kiss on the cheek. “Get the stove heated and the ingredients for tomato soup onto the counter, would you? I’ll bring him inside.” He nods, giving her hand a squeeze, before making his way up to their front door and unlocking it.

“Neal, sweetie?” She’s careful when opening the car door, aware that he’s leaning against it. “We’re here.”

The chill of the air outside is enough to wake him up with a start, looking around in confusion and taking a moment to gather his surroundings. “Elizabeth,” Neal murmurs. “This is. . . Not my apartment.”

“Nope,” she hums back, reaching in to help him undo his seatbelt. “You’re staying for dinner. Come on.”

It takes them a short while, but she manages to get Neal up and out of the car, into the house and up the stairs. She brings him a pair of sweatpants Peter never wears, so that he can at least tie them up to fit a little better, and a long sleeved plaid pyjama shirt to change into.

“I’ll be just outside the door, alright?” She leaves the bathroom door ajar, so that she can listen to make sure he doesn’t fall over whilst getting changed. Thankfully, it all seems to go smoothly, and El is soon helping him downstairs and onto the couch.

Covering him up with a blanket, and giving his hair a little ruffle. “Let me get you some Tylenol for that temperature of yours,” she tells him softly, making her way into the kitchen to check on Peter first.

She brings him back a large glass of water and two Tylenol pills, carefully handing them to him and telling him to ‘drink up, slowly.’

Neal does as he’s instructed to, grimacing at the feeling in his throat as the pills slide down. His head rests against the back of the couch afterwards in defeat, and he looks at Elizabeth with an expression that could break even the coldest of hearts.

“You really are sick, huh?” She says quietly, placing his glass down on the coffee table. “Well, I’m making soup as we speak. I’ll get Peter to come sit with you.”

Neal shakes his head.

“He won’t bite,” she teases. “He’s worried about you, y’know. But, keep that a secret between us, okay?” A smile crosses her features, before she turns and makes her way back to the kitchen.

Neal feels the couch cushions get a little heavier beside him, and opens his eyes to spy Peter now sitting beside him. He doesn’t have the energy to say anything, and it hurts his throat to even try. He simply blinks, sniffles, and closes his eyes again.

“Who would’ve thought it?” Peter begins, reaching to tuck the blanket around Neal a little tighter; noting him tense up, but relax a moment later. “Neal Caffrey, famous con artist, forger and art thief,, befelled by the common cold, of all things. Why couldn’t you have been sick when I was chasing you? Would’ve saved me a damn load of time.”

“Alleged,” Neal croaks, opening his eyes again to glare at his handler.

Peter laughs, reaching out to pat the poor man’s shoulder.

“I could still beat you if I had the plague.” He mutters next, hiding his face under the blanket. ‘Hh—xght.’ Another stifled sneeze, although not all that well this time.

“Bless you, and, I doubt that very much. Looking at you now, you couldn’t run anywhere. Not even to the bathroom, I doubt.”

Neal pops back up again, sniffling and glaring still. “You don’t know that.” He whispers, reaching for the tissue box on the coffee table; Peter handing it to him, so that he doesn’t have to leave his blanket.

“Is that why you didn’t wanna have pizza with us today? Or work with me?” Peter asks quietly, leaning back against the couch cushions and grimacing slightly at the noise of Neal blowing his nose beside him.

A long pause. “Are you sure you’re FBI?” Neal quips, his voice still as scratchy as sandpaper.

Before Peter can make a comment back, El’s coming out of the kitchen, holding a tray for Neal. “Homemade soup, comin’ right up!” She smiles, setting it carefully down upon the coffee table. “No pressure to eat a lot, just have what you can.” She reassures gently, handing him the bowl.

“Thank you,” Neal mutters quielty, and it’s only for a second, but El could’ve sworn she saw his eyes get a little teary.

They leave Neal to eat his soup, fetching their own bowls and taking a seat at the table. He doesn’t eat much, but the feeling of the warm soup against his aching throat is nice. The steam is nice too, and he simply sits there for a while with the bowl held up to his face, before putting it back on the tray and curling up into the blankets.

“Do you think anyone has ever done this before?” El asks, stirring her soup absent minderdly, as she watches over Neal ftom across the room.

“What? See Neal Caffrey act like a little, stubborn kid?” Peter retorts, picking up a piece of bread and taking a large bite.

El rolls her eyes, but there’s a fond look on her face as she shakes her head. “No,” she answers. “Take care of him. You know? He looked so. . . Shocked, when I brought him the soup. D’you think he’s always been alone in this sort of thing?” She considers, her own heart feeling heavy at the notion of Neal being all alone and unwell.

Peter falls quiet, dipping his bread into his soup for so long that it falls in. “Ah, crap—“ he mutters to himself, sighing. “You’re probably right. . He probably hasn’t been looked after. I don’t know much about his past, but I don’t doubt it was lonely.” He looks up at El, a sad sort of smile on his face.

“But, he’s got us now.”

•••

Neal wakes up two hours later, to the sound of the television on low volume, and quiet voices chatting around him. He blinks slow, looking around; Peter’s sitting on the floor in front of him, with Satchmo resting on his legs. Someone’s beside him, too. . . Must be El. Everything still feels heavy, but he doesn’t feel as shivery anymore. It still hurts to swallow, but feels a little less like knives now, at least.

“Neal,” a soft, female voice breaks his train of thought. Elizabeth. “How’re you feeling?”

It takes him a minute to answer, but opening his mouth to talk somehow becomes a cough instead, and the next thing he knows someone is handing him water. Oh, Peter. Peter’s kind to him. He takes a long drink, shakily passing it back and moving to sit a little better.

“Tired,” Neal answers, voice even more hoarse from lack of use during his nap.

“Do you want to go up to bed? Guest room is all set up for you.” Elizabeth offers, reaching out to gently rest her palm against his arm.

Neal thinks on it for a moment, scrunching his nose and trying to rid of the itch whilst he does so. A shake of his head; upstairs means being alone. Downstairs means being warm, and comfortable and with Peter and Elizabeth. It’s safe downstairs.

He moves a moment later though, and both Peter and El’s gazes immediately snap towards his direction.

“‘M just going to the bathroom.” Neal informs, trying his best to escape the entanglement of blankets without any help. . Failing miserably, and having Elizabeth help him unwravel.

He denies needing help, taking quite a while upstairs, before eventually re-emerging and taking each stair very slowly and one at a time. Peter decides that as funny this situation is, he doesn’t like it one bit. Neal usually bounds down the stairs, with the same energy as a golden retriever — and the cheerfulness of one too.

“You sure you don’t want to go to bed?” Peter asks, earning a frown from Neal as Elizabeth tucks him back in.

“You know. . .” El begins, giving Neal’s hair another little ruffle and passing him his water. “When I got sick as a kid, my Dad used to let me have a ‘couch bed’ night. He’d set me up on the couch downstairs, and we’d watch my favourite movies and drink hot chocolates, until I fell asleep. How about we do the same?” She suggests, smiling at the two men beside her.

A small smile forms upon Neal’s face, and he nods. A couch bed night sounds nice. He’s never had one of those before.

•••

El and Peter stay downstairs for the majority of the evening and into the night; Neal didn’t take long to fall asleep, and only woke up once, before the husband and wife made their own ways to bed, leaving the bedroom door open incase Neal needs anything during the night. Things seem to stay peaceful, until a thud from downstairs rouses El from her slumber, and she’s quick to shake Peter awake, too.

“Did you hear that?” She whispers, sitting bolt upright.

“No, but I guess it’s my problem now. .” Peter mumbles, still half asleep as he moves to sit up.

The sound of Satchmo whining confirms to Elizabeth that she didn’t wake up for nothing, and she’s already rushing out of the room and down the stairs before Peter can even plant his feet upon the floor. But, she wasn’t expecting to find Satchmo with his paws resting against Neal’s knees, and the quiet sound of. . . Crying?

“Neal?” Her voice is soft, so as not to startle him. “What happened? Are you hurt?” She crouches beside him, and Peter soon makes his way downstairs.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. . Neal, honey? Did you have a bad dream?” She reaches out, and he flinches away, not quite lucid enough to register their company.

A soft gasp falls from her lips, and she stands. “He’s burning. I’ll get some things, will you calm him down?” She reaches to give Satchmo a pat, and turns to make a beeline for the stairs.

A quiet sigh follows after that, and Peter takes a seat beside Neal. Unsure if he’s even lucid enough to understand him, he reaches out slowly to rub the other’s arm, in attempt to somewhat comfort. “You know I don’t do so great when people cry,” Peter keeps his voice quiet. “But, I’ll make an exception here; just this once.” He gives Neal’s shoulder a careful squeeze, painfully aware of how warm he is.

“She’s gone, Peter. .”

Ah, so is he somewhat aware of his presence.

“It was a dream, Neal. You’ve got a fever — it makes your dreams worse. You’re alright now.” He reassures gently, turning his head at the sound of his wife’s footsteps drawing closer again.

“Here, Neal. It’s for your temperature. Can you open your mouth, for me?” It takes a moment of repeating herself, but he eventually complies, and Peter reaches to switch on a lamp so that they can see better.

Neal’s shivering makes it so that he can’t keep the thermometer in place independently, so Elizabeth carefully holds it in place for him. A sympathetic expression is stuck upon her face, and she gently reaches to wipe away some of Neal’s tears.

“We’ll get you some medicine and you’ll be feeling less upset,” she reassures gently, removing the thermometer as it begins to beep at an urgent pace.

‘103.6.’ Is the reading on the screen, and she turns it around to show Peter. He gives a disapproving shake of his head (which is really out of concern,) and reaches to move Neal’s blanket. But, the sound of a tired sob and the weak grip of Neal’s fingers stop him.

“Alright, he can keep the blanket. I’ll get him some water for the Tylenol.” Peter mutters, wasting no time in fetching what they need and returning to Elizabeth trying to help Neal clean up his tear stricken cheeks.

Taking a seat beside him again while Elizabeth takes the almost empty glass from him, she watches as Neal begins to lean to one side, until he’s resting against Peter’s arm. “Y—you’re not gone?” The CI murmurs, sniffling as his teeth chatter togerher.

“We’re not gone, Neal. We’re right here. El’s getting you a cool cloth for your forehead.” He wraps an arm around him, carefully guiding Neal’s head against his chest to make him more comfortable. If this is where he’ll sleep and calm down, so be it. Peter can sacrifice a few hours of rest to help his friend.

The cool cloth is placed gently against his forehead, and both El and Peter stay with him until his shivering has dissipated and he’s fast asleep again.

“Never seen him like that before,” Peter whispers. “And I don’t ever want to see it again.”

Elizabeth reaches to take her husband’s free hand. “Think you can carry him to the guest room? No use having an FBI agent completely sleep deprived, and his CI with neck ache from sleeping like that.”

“I’ll have you know, I make a great pillow.” Peter whispers back, assessing the current situation for a moment. “I can carry him.”

It takes almost an hour, but Neal’s fever eventually goes down to a low grade one again, and they can all rest easy for the rest of the night. He’s safe in the guest room beside them, his congested snoring heard in the master bedroom. But, neither of the couple in the bed mind it. It’s a comforting reminder that he’s asleep.

[b4adb4tcher]

Reddie Fic Recs

Okay so these are the ones I go back to and reread constantly!! All listed have multiple chapters, impeccable grammar/structure, and RIDICULOUSLY good characterization/dialogue. Theyre also all located on AO3. My obsession is too late for peak fandom interactions so these are what keep my hyper fixation alive.

1. In The Heat Of The Summer (You’re So Different From The Rest) by Kaboomslang

There’s a heatwave in L.A., the first time Richie sees Eddie naked.

Or

One very hot year in the life of two idiots in love, working shit out.

It is so so so so fucking good I can’t stand it. It’s an Eddie Lives AU that is 15 Chapters and 109,525 words of pining and comfort and beauty. Eddie comes to stay with Richie in LA after the events of It Chapter 2. Literally my only complaint is that Stan stays dead however the characterization of everyone and the way the writer handles their grief more than made up for it.

2. A Strange Sense of Familiarity by Katranga

“So Eddie, what brings you to the bar tonight?" Richie asked. "Gonna rebound from the divorce? Pick up a hot young twenty-something to feel young again?”

“Fuck you,” Eddie said, jutting his chin forward. “What a terrible way to ruin the mood.”

“I’m sorry, all my moods are poorly cultivated. What mood were you looking for?”

A nervous lump grew in Eddie's throat. He threw back his drink to get rid of it.

Hand wrapped around the glass he’d just slammed back onto the bar, he said, “The mood that gets me leaving with a schlubby forty-something.”

--

Pre-chapter two, Eddie and Richie meet and don't remember each other, but have an instant connection anyway...

This may be my favorite fic of all time. This is a Canon Divergence AU where Richie and Eddie meet at a bar prior to the events of It Chapter 2 and start sleeping together. Eddie is divorced so there’s no infidelity storyline (which I appreciate) HOWEVER Richie is still famous and in the closet so there’s still the secret love affair storyline (that I love). The characterization is literally perfect, it has amazing dialogue, and my boy Stan is alive and involved. The OCs are so so good too and I’m beyond obsessed with all the thought the author obviously put into it.

3. Sweeter By The Hour by Katranga

rich. 25. i can be your angle 😇... or yuor devil 😈

Edward. 38. Please don’t call me daddy.

--

Richie’s a struggling standup comedian slash bartender with a side hustle of sexting rich guys for cash. Eddie is recently divorced, recently out, and reluctant to dive into either the dating or hookup scene. He decides to give Sugr, a 'dating app with no commitment', a shot.

Katranga NEVER MISSES. Even though the losers club is in a completely different universe, the characterization and dialogue is so them that it scratches every itch in my brain. This is such a funny and adorable AU I would recommend to anyone that needs a break from the high stress and extremely high stakes of the traditional It Universe.

4. Here In Your Arms by kaspbrak_kid

Richie had no idea what to expect when Stan and Patty asked him to be their daughter's godfather, but it definitely wasn't becoming the part-time dad to a newborn.

This fic makes me cry like a bitch in the best way possible. This is a several years later fic in a Eddie and Stan Lives AU where Richie becomes godfather to Stan and Patty’s firstborn. This is so so special to me because it perfectly preserves The Loser’s Club dynamics in a safe environment and gives me all the found family warm fuzzies I so desperately need. As usual the characterization is phenomenal and Richie and Eddie’s relationship throughout this fic is so so special to me.

5. Richie Tozier’s Five-Step Mission in Getting Over His Childhood Sweetheart by MissDinahDarling

Alternatively: five times Richie tries to get over Eddie and the one time he gets under him instead.

This fic is so so fucking funny I love everything about it. Its also a Stan and Eddie Live AU and thehe dialogue and losers club dynamics are so so funny. I love seeing little snippets of how the losers lives are moving on and especially appreciate that Bev and Ben didn’t move as quickly as some fics do. Richies denial and stupidity are so relatable and its an extremely comforting read.

6. River by Unicornpoe

The thing—the thing is that Eddie hasn’t seen Richie in nearly five years.

They’ve gotten good at avoiding each other. They alternate holidays and get-togethers, only showing up when they’re sure the other won’t be present. They’re still in the same fucking city but Eddie makes sure to shop on the other side of town from their old place where Richie still lives, makes sure not to go to any of Richie’s favorite restaurants or bars or cafes or goddamn park benches. Eddie doesn’t join in on the Losers’s group FaceTime sessions when he knows Richie’ll be joining, and Richie does the same for him.

They couldn’t make their relationship work, but they’re fucking experts at being exes.

*

Eddie goes to spend the holidays at Bill and Mike's cabin in Vermont, and is surprised when Richie is already there. Things get worse when they're snowed in alone. Things get even more worse when Eddie remembers that he's still in love with him.

This fic gives me the most acute sense of profound longing I’ve ever had in my life. The EXTREMELY angsty hurt/comfort au I’ve ever read in my life. Not extremely inclusive of the rest of The Losers Club, but it hits hard.

7. This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) by camerasparring

Just as the last car is passing them, Prince Charming makes a snuffling noise and Eddie freezes, still pressed on top of him. He’s suddenly aware of every single place they’re touching, and Eddie thanks the brutal Chicago cold - there’s no way he could pop a boner when it’s this freezing. God, he hates himself.

The man opens his eyes for a moment and looks directly into Eddie’s eyes. Eddie’s mouth hangs open. He tries to smile, but he doesn’t think he achieves it. Instead, he swallows and says:

“Merry Christmas.”

The guy passes back out without a word.

__

or, the While You Were Sleeping AU no one asked for. Set Christmas 1995 and the gang is late 20's/early 30's

I read this before ever even hearing of the movie While You Were Sleeping. While the movie is now one of my favorites, it is absolutely nothing compared to the hilarious romcom of this fic. Found family! Secrets! Drama! Stan the mother fucking man! It is so so good and gives me all the good feelings the holidays provide whenever I read it.

8. Scratch On The Moon by Vulcanodon

Eddie Kraspbak has put aside his old life for good. He drives a stagecoach now and keeps to himself- his days of running with the Denbrough gang are long gone. But when two old friends show up and tell him they have unfinished business back in Derry, Eddie can’t resist the chance to put a final nail in the coffin of the past…and maybe find out why Richie broke his promise all those years ago.

“I’ll take left if you take right,” Eddie calls out but when he looks over Richie isn’t even firing his gun; he’s looking at Eddie with a strange, unreadable expression on his face.

“What is it?” Eddie asks, panicking. “Are you hit?”

“No,” Richie says, “I just. I just wanted you know. That I…that I feel the same way.”

“What?” Eddie asks, totally lost. A bullet whistles past his ear.

“I mean I...” Richie says, as if he’s struggling to get it out. “I feel the same way about you. I mean. That I always did.”

“Could we maybe postpone this conversation?” Eddie says, having to yell over the gunfire. “To a time when we aren’t getting shot at?”

Are you gay? Is longing and the tragedy of wasted time your guilty pleasure? Did you read River by Unicornpoe and want more? Do you like westerns? READ THIS FIC AND COME TALK TO ME IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!

9. You Ain’t Nothing But A Hound Dog (And They Call It Puppy Love) by Fluffifullness

Okay, Richie, so you’ve just been Shaggy Dog’d, you’re either kicking it in the weirdest of all possible afterlives or you never died and the sewer clown is punking you. What next?

(or: Eddie makes it out of Derry, gets a divorce, and adopts a dog.)

Richie gets “Shaggy Dog’d” after he sacrifices himself for Eddie during the events of It Chapter 2. Grief, pining, and Richie’s internal monologue being fucking hilarious. And STAN LIVES!!!!!!

10. Thanks For Pudding Up With Me by Mooeydooey

Eddie Kaspbrak was once one of the most influential professional chefs in New York. After an unfortunate incident in his kitchen, he loses his job and most of his earnings. Down on his luck, with no where else to go, he accepts a job offer with the ragtag 'Prospect Test Kitchen' in Boston.

What starts as a small passion project, making cooking tutorials online, becomes a lot more complicated and bigger than they could ever imagine when Bill brings in a new addition to their team. A comedian with a shocking background and surprise talent for culinary arts: Richie Tozier.

Eddie's the only one who doesn't like the new recruit, but Bill bribes Eddie into giving Richie a chance. At the end of six months, Richie's contract will expire. Eddie will get to decide whether they offer him a contract renewal, or refuse to re-hire him.

Things are heating up in the Prospect street Test Kitchen! Will Eddie stick to his guns, and keep his dignity? Or will he get lost in the sauce?

SO FUCKING FUNNY!!! An absolutely genius buzzfeed-esque au that is exactly what I need when I want a laugh. My favorite parts are when they go into like a third person screenplay mode for describing the events in the videos. I cannot get enough of this enemies(?) to friends to lovers au and I’m so so glad it exists.

11. A Fistful of Coal Dust by Jay Auris (nighthawkms)

Eddie Kaspbrak usually works alone. For a bounty hunting mage, this is unheard of; dangerous, foolhardy. But for Eddie - stricken with a dangerous abnormality to his magic - it's the safest way to survive.

When a new bounty takes him to the backwater town of Derry, he's not expecting anything more than a hard job done right for good money. But Eddie's past is about to catch up with him, and Derry could face the consequences. He'll have to team up with a rag-tag bunch of misfits - a sheriff with too much on his shoulders, a tavern owner haunted by loss, and four other hunters with their own secrets and motivations - if he wants to survive.

And maybe, if he's lucky, he'll get an answer to the one question that's been bugging him since he got to Derry: Who is Richie Tozier, and what does he want from Eddie?

A super fun Steampunk-Western-Magic-Bounty Hunter AU that has the perfect ratio of action, drama, and intrigue. I have no idea how the author came up with such an amazing idea and how they were able to do so much incredible world building but I absolutely LOVE IT.

If anyone reads any of these fics I would love to talk about them and hear what you think! They’re all so so so special to me and stay on my fic rotation, so if y’all have any suggestions for me too I’m happy to check them out!

[thanksitsatraumaresponse]

Time…

They say time cures all things. Time will heal you. They lied.

Time is against me and I am sick of waiting for “time”. The time in my life when I will be at peace. The time in life where I won’t be completely fucked up in my head and thoughts.

My trauma will never allow me to be in meaningful relationships without constant fear of being hurt, abandoned, used, or replaced. World disasters don’t scare me. Drones from aliens/our country/other countries don’t scare me (I live in NJ). Everyday relationships scare me. Giving people the opportunity to be able to hurt me scares me. Feelings scare me. Interaction scares me. Feeling loved and the fear of having it go away terrifies me. Having the fear of being used and not loved terrifies me. Giving myself to someone, what little bits and pieces of her I’ve managed to find and having that piece of myself shattered, terrifies me. Too many bad experiences, traumatizing and brain altering experiences.

And the sick part is that if anyone does something even remotely similar to remind me of a traumatic event, Sybil is in armor ready to charge and burn shit to the ground (Sybil is the name I’ve given to to the beast I become when triggered) and she usually does. Vigorously. Now that situation that was a mole hill? Bitch it is Kilimanjaro now.

Welcome to life with CPTSD, where your brain does funky shit in the name of trying to protect you 😬 I made this shit blog I think over a year ago in hopes of “sharing” my experience… you see how well that’s going with how many posts I made. Is it my brain running from acknowledging the fire I am tirelessly working to put out? Or is it undiagnosed ADHD? Or just momentary hyper fixation to distract me from the real monsters in my brain that would eat me alive?

Anyway, let’s fucking try this again. Who knows… maybe my rants will help someone not feel alone in their suffering, because today I do.

Today whooped my ass. The last 3 days have been whooping my ass. Even Sybil’s hands aren’t enough 🤣

Putting aside the fucked up humor/coping mechanism- I haven’t eaten in 3 days. I’ve been diagnosed with osteoarthritis and fibromyalgia and have to eat to take meds to be able to tolerate the pain I’m in. And for 72 hours, I’ve not been able to do that. I look and feel like SHIT. I’ve had several panic attacks and sobbing outbursts. Sleep is terrible due to the pain and nightmares. It’s impossible to get relief. And it’s the fucking holiday season (see my post from last year, you’ll understand the disdain real quick).

But I’m supposed to give it time. And grace. I’ve given it both and I’ve taken the punches and given them. I’m just exhausted from fighting all the time. I’m tired of only being good at being angry and jaded. I’m tired of making so much progress to just feel like shit after a triggering event. I don’t need time, I need a fucking lobotomy or medical induced coma at this point.

~Exhausted Traumatized Divine Creature

PS: Photo of my son, Magnus as payment for reading this rant. He is the goodest boy 😬

[mephestopheles]

What is it about certain things that just take over my brain? I've read several things in the last year that legitimately had me side ways and hyper fixated. Way of Kings? Absolutely adored it, was obsessed with the novels and read all of them in three months. Am absolutely not interested in fandom stuff for it, love the books, do not feel the need to play in that playground. The Locked Tomb? Took a full year and change to get into and finish Harrow the Ninth, and then speed read Nona inside a week. Have done a full reread of them a month later. But again, not really interested in fandom although I do follow the tag.

Mass Effect was a decision made because I was bored, and couldn't figure out a new book to read, can't seem to settle my brain enough to prepare for my dnd campaign, and needed something that would kill a few hours. First game was cool, kind of pissed I couldn't romance Garrus in the first one, but decided to not romance anyone in the first game.

Found out Garrus is locked to Femshep, so switched tactics to Tali. Mass Effect 2 is when the rewiring started. Like the first one was great and fun and the lore was cool. I'm an absolute sucker for space anything. So aliens and new planets and all that shit is just pure candy for me. But maybe it was the end of ME1 and then going right into ME2 and the way you need to work on helping people and finding ways to cooperate.

By the time I hit ME3 I was not just hooked but overwhelmed. I knew going in there were issues, and I could see the spots that didn't add up. But it wasn't until Citadel dlc that i felt something click in my head and it went "there's a playground here" of course it didn't really fit in the lock so to speak until the ending, and now the ELND tag is circling my brain.

I can see the spaces in the writing in mass effect. The depth and potential, and where the actual story fails to reach those places. Not just the "this definitely needed a second or third pass with an editor" but also the places where they suggest something and drop it. I understand they were probably under crunch (which awful, terrible, this is a thing that shouldn't exist), which means a lot of things get left on the table.

It has created the perfect environment for me to basically go "I love your work, please take this 90 page treatise on where I believe you went wrong and how it can be fixed. Also please answer the next twenty pages of questions regarding species and governments of all of the sentient species in mass effect universe"

Whatever it did, it unlocked something that I have 17,000 words of fic at present. Not even sure if I'm going to get anywhere near smut in this. Who knows though, it's currently just a lot of dialogue.

I just would absolutely love to know what the special sauce is that opens the door, so I can open it myself, with my own stuff. Would really like to be obsessed with prepping my dnd game, that'd be cool. Of course I think I'm just angry at wotc more than anything. And the fear of failure with my original stuff is still strong.

[lamentingwclf]

                                           meet the mun.  — basics

NAME:  Wolf PRONOUNS:   she/her PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION:  tumblr messenger SINGLE / TAKEN: taken

— three facts

I am a 911 dispatcher - so when i talk about my high stress - high need job. That's it. I work twelve hour shifts, forty-eight hour work weeks (minimum). overtime. nights. weekends. holidays. rain. snow. shine. i'm here more than i'm home.

I can touch my tongue to my nose.

I, as an adult, will still put black olives on the tips of my fingers and pretend i'm a tree frog. no, i will not grow out of it. i'm 31.

— experience

I started on tumblr in 2010-2011? It was right after i graduated high school and ask blogs were all the rage, and the harry potter series ended or was ending - i'm fuzzy on some of the details because i'm old. but i made a blog for neville longbottom and i still, to this day, love him dearly. I stayed in that fandom, helped cofound a roleplay group for harry potter, and inevitably ended up over in the supernatural fandom. There, I played Castiel, for a very, very long time. I started strictly canon, but as the seasons went on - I diverted. There were and still are a lot of breaks in between, I tested Steve as a muse for my first marvel blog, before it was moved to disney plus - it had to have been right around the release of the winter soldier. but inevitably I ended up here, writing Bucky.

— sub-genres

darker themes, angst, i guess is how you'd put it. i guess what's harder for me is fluff - it has a time and place, but nine times out of ten, i'm going to throw a literal wrench at it because it's hard for me to focus heavily on it. i get bored. it's a problem i'm decidedly not working on.

— plots vs memes

memes. i love plots, don't get me wrong, and i'll get ther. but you'll find i'm the absolute worst person to plot something with, or make a decision about multimuses. i like writing a lot of things with a lot of different characters. it's a combination of my brain being hyper focused at work, which drains and exhausts a lot of energy - and my severe distrust of letting people in and close to me. i've had a lot of bad experiences with partners and it causes me to disappear when i'm overwhelmed. it's a frustrating thing people should know about me coming into it.

— long or short replies

long. i'm a glutton. i'm long winded. i have a lot to say. if i post something and promise it'll be short this time. it won't.

— best time to write

i can now say from experience. night. since i'm generally always at work. nights has more down time. it also spares me from getting hyper fixated on something that i have to do prior to sleeping.

tagged by: @defectivexfragmented tagging: you !

[alyssasstories]

First Encounter - Part 1

When I first laid eyes on her, my heart skipped a couple beats. She was just sitting there on the edge of the pool, he feet dangling in the water leaning slightly back on her hands, her face tilted up to the sun. The water droplets on her skin sparkled as I watched her take a deep breath. I was immediately aroused. Her wet blonde hair dropped into her face as she leaned forward again and she brushed it behind her ear with one hand and she reached into the water with the other and splashed herself. Even from this distance, everything about her seemed perfect. Cute little nose, long blonde hair, small pink lips, and perky little tits. Longing to get closer, I got up from my chair and jumped into the pool, swimming underwater about halfway to her. The other people splashing away in the pool around me disappeared into the background as I only cared about looking at her. She had leaned back again and I could see her perfect belly button with a cute little piercing, one of my biggest turn-ons. I kept moving closer, not even thinking about it, my body acting almost on instinct wanting to get closer to her. I could feel myself flushing with desire deep within, despite the cold water flowing over my body. When I was just a few feet away, she started to stand and I was instantly sad that she was going to move away. As she stood, I got a better look at her body. She had sexy hips, with a hint of hip bone showing. Her skimpy bikini bottoms stretched over her revealing a bit of camel toe, hinting at the secrets underneath. She wasn't very tall, probably shorter than my 5'3", but her legs were silky smooth and nicely tanned, like the rest of her. I couldn't see her butt, but I assumed it would be as perfect as the rest of her. Now that I was within a couple feet or her, I could see her nose and lip were both pierced and I really started to feel myself quiver with desire. I was hyper aware that if she just looked in my direction that she would know for sure that I was staring at her, but I couldn't make myself look away. I had to fight the urge to touch myself, she had had that strong of an effect on me. She perched her feet on the edge of the pool and then she stretched her arms above her head and started to dive into the pool. As she started her dive and glanced in the pool to see if the way was clear, her eyes met mine. I wanted to look away, but I was so captivated by this girl that I could not. As our eyes locked in the second before she dove into the pool, my heart lurched. I watched as she arched her way toward the water, he perfect butt finally coming into view and confirming my earlier thoughts about it. As she disappeared under the water, I felt a sudden pang of regret that I couldn't continue looking at her at the same time as I realized I had been fixated on her for several minutes as I made my way through the water and the crowd towards her. I started to turn back when I heard a quiet voice beside me. "Hi". I turned to find her right in front of me, having emerged from the water. I found my mouth unable to form words and I felt like I just stared at her for hours until I was finally able to manage a meek "hi" in response. She giggled (a magnificent sound!) and blushed slightly at my apparent discomfort. "I had thought you were coming across the pool to talk to me, but then you just stood there staring at me," she said. "I-I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare." I stammered. "It's ok, I don't mind. I'm flattered, actually." Finally getting my moth in working order, I replied, "oh, I'm glad! To be honest, I didn't even realize I had come all this way!" This made her really blush, but she moved a little closer to me. "Are you here by yourself?" she asked. "Yeah, I like to come here after school to cool off and relax, but it's a little crowded today." "It must be because it's so hot this afternoon, that's why I'm here. I've never been here before," she said. "Ah! Then I'm fortunate!" This made her blush again. Now my heart was really racing as I asked "are you here with anyone?"

"No, I've just moved here a few weeks ago and I don't know anyone!" "Well, now you do! I'm Alyssa."

"Kaitlyn." "Do you want to come sit with me? I've got a table over there with an umbrella." "Oh, yes, I'd like that. I'll go get my stuff." she said as she made her way to the side of the pool. I watched her as she lifted herself out of the water, really getting a good view of her butt. She really was perfect! As she walked over to where her stuff was, she turned to look at me and saw me still standing in the same spot, staring at her. I couldn't tell from where I was, but I imagined she was blushing as she smiled at me. I broke myself away and quickly made my way out of the pool and over to my table back in the corner of the pool deck away from most of the commotion around the pool. I grabbed my towel and dried off my face then glanced up to look for her. A moment of panic struck me as I couldn't see her at first, but then I spotted her about half way to me talking to a guy that might have been one of the life guards with his red shorts. His back was to me, but I could tell from the back that he had a great body, hints of muscles below the tanned skin of his back and a nice butt of his own. I fought the urge to run over and shove this guy away from her as I watched him talk to her. He was obviously hitting on her as I could tell she was blushing, but she kept glancing in my direction. Eventually she pointed over at me, and the guy turned around to look. I could tell he was slightly disappointed, but he nodded in my direction, the turned back to her, said a few words, then walked away. She quickly tip toed over to my table and muttered a "sorry." "Was he hitting on you?" I asked. She giggled and said "yeah, but I told him I was here with my girlfriend and pointed to you." She blushed again, something of a common occurrence for her it seemed. She put her things on the table and sat down beside me. We started talking about ourselves and our lives and starting to learn all about each other. It wasn't long into the conversation before she revealed that she had moved here because her family did not approve of her lesbianism and she'd chosen this city because of it's well known LGBTQ scene. She'd had a girlfriend at home, but she had refused to move with her. I told her I was generally bisexual, but that I leaned towards women. I told her about some of my past relationships and we talked about other mundane things like work and school and what there was to do around town. It wasn't really a conscious thing, but as we talked we moved close and closer to each other. As she was telling me about her family, I held her hand to comfort her, but didn't let go as the conversation moved to other things. After talking for what seemed like forever, we both noticed that is was getting to be late and the crowd at the pool had thinned out. I asked her if she'd like to go get something to eat and she excitedly agreed. We gathered up our things and made our way to the parking lot. I offered to drive, since I knew a good place to grab something to eat, so we walked towards my car. As we got close to the car, Kaitlyn grabbed my hand and pulled me to a stop. "Alyssa, I feel a definite connection between us. To be honest, I'm a little overwhelmed how strong my feelings are about you right now." "To say that I have strong feelings towards you would be an understatement!" I replied. (cont...)

[phoenixfire7894]

No cause, it gets more insane the more you think about it (and use math). For the size of a football field, one hour of 1/2 an inch of rain is about 19,200 gallons of water raining from the sky. In the show, after defeating Qi Rong, it rains blood for what I estimate is about 2 minutes. This means that for the entire area, 640 gallons of blood fell from the goddamn sky!!

For an adult human being, the body has about an average of 1.2-1.5 gallons of blood (according to Google).

Where is he getting all this blood?!

Also in the donguha, he pulls out his umbrella moments before it began raining suggesting that he is aware when it is going to rain blood! So where is the blood coming from?!?

Several theories on how this could happen.

One, Hua Cheng can chemically change rain into blood. Would probably be his coolest ability because anyone familiar with blood knows that scientists have yet to make blood in a lab. This is why blood drives are so important as there is no other way to acquire blood. This however proposes other questions. What blood type is the rain? How does he chemically change it? Could this blood possibly be used for life changing blood transfusions?!

Two, Hua Cheng kills the remaining ghosts in the area and their blood becomes the rain. This would mean about 430 ghosts would be destroyed and turned into rain. I can see there being that many ghosts left over from the Qi Rong raid. The only problem with this theory is we don’t know how blood works with ghosts cause, you know, they’re dead. Since we don’t know that, we need more info about ghosts to make this decision.

Three, Hua Cheng has a stash of blood somewhere in Ghost City he summons the blood from. This is my personal theory. Nothing states that the blood from the sky is human blood. It could be animal blood. Perhaps he has an animal farm for elephants (which have approximately 45 gallons of blood in their system) that he gets it from. (That’s a joke guys, I doubt Hua Cheng has that many elephants. He probably has pigs or something). This also could suggest that Yin Yu also has a job in maintaining a farm solely for the purpose of Hua Cheng’s aesthetic. Which I think is funny. Give this man a raise Hua Cheng, he needs it.

Anyway, I’ve hyper fixated on this. So uh, here’s a summary of what I’ve found.

XL's narrative dispositive this, HC's essays about devotion that and we aren't talking about the most important thing about this damn books

Where the blood comes from?????

Don't get me wrong, I love the blood rain aesthetic just fine. Gotta respect the hustle of a drama queen, but WHERE DOES IT COMES FROM???

I mean I can make some sense of it appearing after a battle, I can accept a slaughter making the blood of your enemies pour down out the sky, but it doesn't happen only in these circumstances nonono my man Hua Cheng is making the BLOODY RAINING at random when he thinks the time is right and I can only guess he has a STOCK OF IT just a whisk of magic away or Yin Yu is pouring buckets of blood from a mountain somewhere every time his boss wants to act like a baddie

[r0-boat]

please. pleasw give me nsfw headcanons for jacq. i love that silly man

Oh man I was going to do headcanon for this guy but I forgot thank you for reminding me!

Jacq sfw & Nsfw headcanons

Sfw

encouraging which is weird because His sense of humor is self-deprecation, but he'll get mad at you if you do it to yourself.

Extremely clumsy, he'll be trying to impress you and then stub his toe, or after baking you something he'll immediately drop it. Forget about papers as soon as he puts them away. Walk into a room then forget why he's here.

Sends you random pictures of random things when he's bored with little to no context. Yeah he has the Gen Z humor.

Extremely sweet Boyfriend btw, super polite. He does have his tired 'I'm going to spam you with the same meme' Gremlin moments, but most of the time he's very relaxed and easy-going.

Texting Jacq is very different from in person Jacq that's like the best way I can describe it.

Extremely impatient if you tell him that you have a surprise for him he will think about it all day.

forgetful, so he always carries around a notepad or sticky notes but he just forgets those too : (.forgets to eat for several hours because he's extremely hyper fixated on his work. Please help this man he's in trouble.

Genuinely very curious, when he wants to know something he'll make sure he knows everything about it. Which makes his brain full of absolutely useless information that he doesn't need. So he'll just tell you randomly.

"baby! Did you know-"

Is a nerd and has alot of game/anime t-shirts

Nsfw below

Don't bully him. He will cum. Huge degradation kink.

Loves being degraded, but he'll praise you, physically can't degrade you back. Every time he tries it just melts into mindless praising.

Jacq has a high sex drive. He's just really good at hiding it. He tries not to think dirty thoughts about him sliding himself inside of you or you bending him over the table when he's at work because once your naked form is on his mind, he won't stop himself; suddenly, he'll have piles of Unfinished work.

Closet perv too. Listen, this man is thinking some really horny, kinky thoughts. Like I said he's really good at hiding it. You probably won't even notice until he tells you how much he thinks about you milking his cock dry with your hand. He's surprised that you're surprised; to him, he was being obvious.

he'll definitely leave you surprised when he asks you to sit on his lap, and look in the mirror, and watch as he bounces you on his cock.

He's so shy his first night with you, he gives you a small smile asking if you would like to try something for him. You smile back saying "yes my dear anything~" your soul leaves your body when you see something metal around your wrists

Switch he wants to feel himself deep inside of you as much as the next dom, but most of his fantasies come from you domming him, that doesn't mean he doesn't think about doing kinky dirty stuff with you. He is less willing to share his fantasies and Kinks. As much as he loves the idea of you crawling under his desk in his office and giving him head highly unlikely that he's actually going to try it. People still think he's a shy virgin and he rather keep it that way.

When he dirty talks it's mostly all talk because he's afraid that you might not like it when he actually does it to you.

Phone Jacq strikes again ( maybe it's because he's so much more comfortable behind a screen). When he's really horny and away from you, he'll start sexting the most heinous stuff to you.

LOVES seeing you in his oversized shirts, ;)

Infodumps after sex lol

[thebibliosphere]

I had a question.

So, just an hour or two ago, I was going through some sort of “manic high”, sorta like how somebody with bipolar disorder would have (I don’t have BPD). It felt like a bullet train at max speed and completely derailing, and it was incredibly draining. It also got me wondering.

Do people with severe enough ADHD deal with ADHD episodes like this? My search attempts are often futile because all of it is just talking about how to differentiate between BPD and ADHD and BPD manic episodes, but nobody ever mentions ADHD episodes; the only time I’ve seen it mentioned ever was when somebody made a clip of crankgameplays to show what an ADHD episode looked like.

Do they even exist? I’ve got no idea, so I was just wondering if you knew.

Hey! Sorry, I saw your other ask a while ago, but I wanted to talk to my ADHD specialist before I answered because I’d never heard of the term “episode” being used to describe ADHD. I’m also going to splice both questions together here and answer them in segments in the hope it helps :)

So like I said, I’d never heard of the term “episode” with ADHD, and neither has my specialist. Part of ADHD is having a natural ebb and flow between inattention and hyperactivity, sometimes skewed toward one or the other, depending on your ADHD type. (What are the different types of ADHD?)

Your type of ADHD may also fluctuate because of other factors, such as stress, changes in medication, hormonal fluctuations, lack of sleep, overstimulation, or even under-stimulation, to name a few. Another overlooked part of ADHD is emotional dysregulation, which may cause rapid cycling emotions that may look like an “episode” to someone unfamiliar with what that actually qualifies. The way my therapist explained it and using your example of bipolar disorder, “episode” is used in diagnostic criteria to categorize manic or depressive episodes that last X amount of time, are usually severe, potentially requiring hospitalization, and are accompanied by other symptoms not found in ADHD.

Our “bursts” of energy or lack thereof typically don’t last long enough to be considered episodes. This isn’t to say they are not severe or debilitating, especially if you suffer from things like anxiety or depression that ADHD can feed into. Merely that “episode” is not used as part of the language used to discuss ADHD, which is likely why you’re not finding anything.

So, do ADHDers experience intense bursts of energy that are draining afterward? Yeah, we can do, especially if we lean more toward hyperactive than inattentive. (And again, it's normal to fluctuate and also for things to be affected or worsened by secondary factors.)

And I'm going to put the rest under the cut because this is hella long.

I’ve seen some people think that all hyperactivity has to come with fixation, but that’s not how ADHD works. It’s true if something gets us excited or gives us a dopamine boost, we might be more prone to becoming hyperfixated and burn all our energy up on that. But you don’t need something to fixate on to experience hyperactivity. Some of us are just wired to the moon sometimes, and yes, it can be very draining when it ends. Some people find medication helpful in regulating their hyperactivity/preventing it from coming in such big swings and dips.

Speaking personally, when I'm hyper and nothing is grabbing my attention, the world and people around me can feel painfully slow. It's like I'm going a mile a minute doing everything but achieving nothing. The crash that comes after can also be particularly bad, as I also have dysthymia, which can tip over into a major depressive episode depending on other factors in my life at that time. For years I was misdiagnosed as having "probably Bipolar Type II" by a doctor who didn't believe teenage girls could "get" ADHD* and convinced my parents I needed psychoactive drugs. The drugs I was on didn't help, in fact, they made me worse so I was taken off them.

It wasn't until I found an ADHD specialist as an adult a few years ago that I made any real progress. And I'll be honest, I was shocked when she diagnosed me with ADHD, I really didn't think I had it. Right up until we started doing the work and slowly but surely my mental health began to improve and my understanding of myself with it.

Sometimes there are days when I will be wired to the moon and it will derail my entire day because I can't focus on a single thing/I'll focus too much on a single thing. Other times, like when I am closer to my menstrual cycle, I'll crash into inattentiveness and depression because of how my hormones affect my various different conditions, including my ADHD. Medication would likely help with this, but due to medical reasons, that's currently not an option for me so I do the best I can.

That said, if you’re experiencing something more than hyperactivity but it's not mania, you may be experiencing a form of hypomania and you should talk to a doctor about your concerns.

Hypomania typically occurs in Bipolar Type II disorder, which is less severe than the manic episodes in Bipolar I. I’ve experienced both manic and hypomanic episodes in my life due to medication interactions, and they felt very different from ADHD hyperactivity. It's not just derailing mile-a-minute thoughts, it's something usually completely mood-altering and out of control feeling followed by devastating crashes.

If you're on any medications and are worried you are experiencing something like this, you need to talk to your doctor. You might just need a dosage tweak, or you might be better off on a different medication altogether. Also, make a thorough check of any and all medications you are taking to check for any interactions.

I'm on a cocktail of meds for my MCAS, which if I were to combine them with the SSRI one of my doctors wants me to try, would result in serotonin syndrome. The doctor didn't notice this, but the pharmacist sure as shit did!

Some people (ask me how I know) even develop mild hypomania from overusing the sunlamps used to treat SAD (link), which is why brands like Verilux now include warnings in their leaflets about not using the lamps for more than X amount of time a day. Thankfully it goes away once you stop overusing the lamps.

Which actually brings me to something you asked last time about being unable to sleep at night. Insomnia and delayed sleep phase cycles are not uncommon in ADHD. This is likely because our circadian rhythm is thought to be out of whack (link).

You also mentioned having racing thoughts at night too, which is not uncommon either with hyperactivity. I find if I get overstimulated before trying to sleep, I’ll end up lying there awake with what I like to call “radio ADHD” playing in my head. It can range from snippets of songs stuck on repeat, conversations, things I’ve watched on TV, arguments, or if something is happening the next day, fixating on not being late for it. Hence, I end up getting no sleep because you can’t accidentally sleep in if you don’t sleep. *jazz hands of despair.*

Sometimes I find Radio ADHD soothing if it’s fixating on something chill, but it can get annoying fast and even distressing if I’m tired and can’t “change the station.” (I’d say “shut it off,” but as of yet, I’ve never been able to do that. Medication helps some people with this, as can looking into “sleep hygiene” if you haven’t already.) Conversely, if I’m bored or something is too stressful, I will 100% fall asleep because my brain would literally rather just turn off than do something I don’t want to do or is a low dopamine reward task.

Brains are fun.

Anyway, I uh, I am not sure if any of this is useful to you, but I hope it helps. Mostly I'm just repeating back what my specialist said when I asked her about it lol. Good luck, and I hope you figure things out.

----

*NB: It's important to note that ADHD and Bipolar Disorder can be comorbid. It's not a one or the other situation. I’m just throwing it out there in case hearing that helps someone else pursue the proper diagnosis!

[counsellormurdock]

Matt Murdock's Attention Scale

Okay, actually gunna post this after consideration (i just get nervous!), and seeing @reallydifferentcaptain's post about the comic blurb with matt and how his sense work like a spot light and requires focus.

my bit of inspiration for this came from the epi. Nelson v Murdock.

so anyway, here's my take on how matt can amp up his attention, a few applications of each level, and the impacts that it has on him to do so.

Uncontrolled: moments when matt doesn’t have direct control over his senses. these moments are not often and don’t always infer a dire situation. times when waking up from sleep or unconsciousness, in those few moments before he gets his bearings, matt is at an uncontrolled attention level. gaining control is highly dependent on the situation that led to a lack of control.

Energy Expenditure: negligible

Physical Affects: usually none

Casual: still aware of all his surroundings but isn’t necessarily paying strict attention to anyone one thing. everything matt’s senses are telling him culminates into white noise. often occurs when he zones out, or when he’s trying to meditate and relax.

Energy Expenditure: low

Physical Affects: usually none

Undivided: senses are more contained to the people in a close vicinity. depending on where his focus lies, can easily listen to someone’s heartbeat or a conversation a few rooms over. tends to be at this level of focus while at work or other social settings. allows matt to be present but also still aware of what’s around him.

Energy Expenditure: low-moderate

Physical Affects: not the direct cause, but associated with excessive fatigue if maintained for extended periods without sleep

Focused: paying attention to a specific person(s) or thing(s), able to track movements, listen for heartbeats and breathing. able to determine the general location of individuals in question. ideal for safe cracking and listening to conversations in sound proofed rooms. also, for watching a film, listening to an audiobook, at a concert, etc. can tune the outside world enough to be able to enjoy the media at hand.

Energy Expenditure: moderate

Physical Affects: fatigue if held for multiple hours, potential for headaches

Fixated: similar to focused, but more accurate determination of the location of an object or person. i.e., can tell what building someone is in. able determine the different ingredients in food. can smell hormonal changes in a person. i.e., an adrenaline rush, or if someone has been poisoned through traces in their sweat.

Energy Expenditure: high

Physical Affects: fatigue after an hour or so, headaches, lightheadedness.  

Hyper-fixated: inclusive of fixated, even more accurate determination of location, i.e., what room/floor the person is in within that building. can tell you the amount of each ingredient in something down to about twenty milligrams. feel minor changes in air temperature based on body heat around him within a ten-foot radius.

Energy Expenditure: significant

Physical Affects: fatigue, migraines, dizziness, nausea

Pinpoint: his attention focused to the height that he can force it, able to locate people within a nearly perfectly accurate range. able to detect the exclusion of things, to find where there is specifically silence or other such absences. can only operate at this level for short periods of time without risking consequences.

Energy Expenditure: severe

Physical Affects: migraines, nose bleeds, dizziness, confusion, potential unconsciousness

Overwhelmed: unable to focus on any given thing, sensory input is happening faster than matt’s able to understand and process it.

Energy Expenditure: moderate-high

Physical Affects: confusion, mental shut down, loss of sense of physical self, nausea and vomiting, headache/migraine.

Exclusionary: when his focus is turned inward, generally when attempting to block out the world or a specific stimulus. can range something simple such as ignoring the buzzing of a fly or trying to get a hold of himself after being overwhelmed.

Energy Expenditure: low-high

Physical Affects: usually none, potential for fatigue over long periods  

[unicornsvsglitter]

Here’s my answers! I have adhd and autism.

1. What is your experience with your disorder?

- My experience with my disorders is… strange. While the two can be similar, in many ways there also opposite.

-On some occasions I’m so overstimulated that I can’t do anything but lay there because of my autism. Other times I’m so under-stimulated I’ll be playing a video game, having a snack, doing a craft and watching YouTube, but it still will feel like not enough is going on so I try to put on music only to realize that music and YouTube at the same time won’t work, because of my adhd.

- Since I don’t have a formal diagnosis, many neurotypical people who I’ve talked to just think I’m reading too much into things and that I’m looking for something to be “wrong” with me.

- On the other hand, people who are familiar with how adhd and autism typically present in afab individuals and those who are neurodivergent know from a ten minute conversation that I’m neurodivergent to some extent.

2. How is it for you?

- Overall, my adhd symptoms are more sever then my autism symptoms. I also have lower support needs then most autistics. While autism does make some aspects of my life more difficult, my adhd symptoms are far more intense then my autism symptoms.

- While I do have some sensory issues, for the most part they are easily manageable. For example, I always ask my coworkers to dishes because I don’t like how sponges feel of the feeling or running water. Similarly, I take baths instead of showers to avoid feeling that water hitting my skin in a way I don’t like.

- I have a hard time identifying stuff like tones and sarcasm. My (unintentional) way of coping with this is one of my best friends also has autism and adhd, while the other exaggerates everything to the point where he seems like he’s trying to act like a cartoon character. While this doesn’t solve everything, i don’t have to spend energy trying to decide what they’re really saying.

- On the other hand, since I’m unmedicated, many of my adhd symptoms are borderline debilitating and make it very hard to function a lot of the time.

- It sometimes goes 6+ months between having the motivation and energy to clean my room. I will lay in bed for hours thinking about how I need to, but can’t take that first step to making sure it gets clean. Even when I am able to, the motivation last 2-3 days max, which isn’t enough to do all the cleaning I need to.

- I get very intense hyper-fixations. I watched a 10 episode anime (japan sinks 2020 if your interested.) I watched it all in one day, then proceeded to invite my best friend over to watch it with me. I talked to anyone who would listen to me talk about it for the next few weeks, no matter how much they didn’t want to hear it. I started crocheting a main characters hat. I made playlist for each of the characters. There’s a scene called “rap about your feelings” and listing to that rap was the only thing that could get me to focus on for weeks. I looked through literally every tumblr post on the show. I read every article and fan theory I could get my hands on. I had homework to do, but couldn’t because all I could do is think about this show.

- while I’m not impulsive with my actions, I am very verbally impulsive. I find it very hard to play most play most party games because I can’t keep my mouth shut about what card I played, or what the proper answer is.

3. What are some examples of what you’ve felt with.

- A lot of my experience with both has to do with the fact that I’m not able to get a formal diagnosis for either, despite from a young age having lots of stereotypical (and less stereotypical) symptoms.

-For example, when I was in first grade we had a writing prompt where the class had to write about what they wouldn’t want to find in there lunch. Wile most students wrote about how they wouldn’t want a sandwich with crust or how they wouldn’t like to have applesauce because it’s gross, I misunderstood the assignment and wrote about how I didn’t want to find rat poop in my lunch. While every other student understood that it was something they wouldn’t want that there parents would pack them for lunch, I just thought about what would I be most upset to find, not realizing the other students did.

- In third grade I auditioned for my schools choir which was lead by the music teacher. I wasn’t let in because I was “too fidgety” even though my fidgeting never interfered with how class was conducted.

- I went to a middle school for smart kids. Is students had two main jokes about the school. 1- that it was where they put all the kids who were too much for other teachers to deal with and 2- that the students there were all geniuses who could barely tie our own shoes. In this school I had a teacher tell me “Katie, I never have any idea how you get to your answer, but I know it’s always gonna be correct.”

-Around fifth grade a new student joined my Sunday school class. She told me that she was autistic. I had no clue what that meant but I did know that we became fast friends because we acted very similar. I was thanked by random members of the congregation for being so nice to her by hanging out with her, but I wasn’t being friends with her to be nice, I was friends with her because we got along. I wasn’t doing for charity like people seemed to think.

- In seventh grade, a friend of a friend was talking about a tv show I didn’t watch called RWBY. He then told me I acted like the character Penny. I didint know who that was so I ask why I act like her and his response was “she’s a robot who says thinks like I’m a normal human meat person.”

- I have a running list of ways people have called me autistic, without saying I’m autistic, the most creative are

a. “You sound like young Sheldon”

b. “You’re like an vampire that doesn’t understand basic human emotions”

c. “You remind me of Mable pines”

4. How would you explain your disorder?

- Clinically, I’d describe my disorders as developmental delays that cause me to have issues with communication, motor skill, sensory inputs, and impulsiveness.

- Socially I’d describe my disorders as making it harder for me to understand the subtext as to what people are saying. They make it harder for me to focus on what someone is saying without fidgeting at the same time. I get very invested in one topic and will only want to talk about that one thing. They sometimes cause to to have get overwhelmed if a lot of people are taking at once or if the musics too loud. My disorders also make it hard for me to complete talks on time, but not due to laziness, but because I lack the get up ent go to do it.

5. Can I share your experience?

- absolutely! Feel free to use this information to your hearts content!

- I’m ok with being tagged in the content you make using this. I’m excited to see the final product!

- To me, a lot of the questions felt very similar, but I tried to answer them as close to the original question as possible. If I didn’t provide the type of answers you were looking for, lmk and I’ll try to give a more accurate answer. I also feel like I have a lot more to say on the topic of adhd and autism, so if you have any more questions or would just like me to elaborate on something, feel free to reach out!

HEY!! I have questions for people with HPD, NPD, ADHD, ADD, AUTSIM, BPD, DID and OSDD!!

1. What's your experience with your disorder(s)?

2. How is it for you?

3. What are some examples you have of what you deal with?

4. How would you explain your disorder(s)?

5. Am I allowed to use your experience(s) to write an informative post about said disorders on @wat-da-hell-iz separately? Anonymous or tagging you?

Please reblog as I want to have as many answers as possible from at least more than two people and myself.

Don't feel complied to answer either! Answer what you're comfortable with answering ^.^ (my pms are also open incase you don't want to reblog or send an ask with your answer(s)!)