#when angels mourn
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they saw him gearing up to scream and cry and throw up about the angel being dead again but it’s really bad this time so he had to charge up (like one of those lightbulbs you have to leave out in the sun) for mega widower era….2! and said send his ass to car heaven
#in terms of induced victorian mourning which is worse: seeing him get stabbed in front of you and dying and falling to your knees about it#or him confessing his love and immediately dying because the act of confession was the trigger#and sitting there while he is consumed into nothingness and then going into a fugue state for (?) hours?#yes mary died the former time but he made it ALL about the angel he couldn’t even SAY IT when listing off the dead while he could for her.#and now you have the ‘happy ending’ but he is still dead. and you tell me it was whatever#no no. they had to send his ass to car heaven#he rewrote his MEMORY and was fully convinced he was hallucinating him after cas didn’t follow him out of purgatory at the finish line#they HAD to send his ass to car heaven#HE KEPT THE TRENCHCOAT WHILE CHANGING CARS. go to car heaven
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Ended up pirating all of Hazbin for the sake of my younger days (used to be a fan when I was around 14/15, before all the stuff with Viv came out) and I am so surprised by how I felt... nothing for the most part. Like a lot of the show's storylines feel like they was crammed in there with no real pacing. A lot of this should have been season 2 territory, which is a sentiment I've seen echoed around, but also... it feels as if the show is trying to be episodic while also having a long narrative thread, which just doesn't work with just 8 episodes. Especially not when paced like this. So I kinda ended up feeling nothing for the most part. All the events got a "Oh, great, so what?" reaction out of me because there was little to no buildup to most of them.
Sir Pentious was always a fave of mine so I was glad to see they kept him around and, though I think we should have had more episodes with him as a villain, I think how he ended up was fitting for what little of an arc he had. I am livid about what they did to Cherri and Mimzy.
I fucking loved Mimzy, I have no idea why they sent her away -- having someone like her at the Hotel would have been a blast considering how the others are already on the road to redemption. She would have balanced it out by being a regular sinner, someone who doesn't care about redemption and won't probably ever care unless it's in her best interests to. Plus her friendship with Alastor was quite cute, they bounce off of each other very well imo. Plus I could see her have a bit of a conflict with both Charlie and Vaggie because of her ways of acting. I'm so sorry they took that from you girlboss.
And Cherri... dear lord where WAS she? She should have been a lot more present. I used to like her relationship with Angel and I even think Cherrisnake is cute conceptually, but both these relationship had... little to no room to breathe imo.
#hazbin hotel critical#not putting this in the main tag#i wouldnt call myself a fan but i guess i can mourn what could have been#not considering viv and her controversities for a second... the pilot had a very nice feeling to it#that the series was not able to replicate#i think my liking of mimzy should come as a surprise to NO ONE LMAOOOO#i love evil selfish women im sorry ... sue me#we need to save mimzy sir pen and cherribomb from hazbin everyone else can rot#ok in all fairness i will give the show credit for ONE thing#i kind of enjoyed adam and lute as antagonists. adam is insufferable which is awesome#it makes it easy to hate him as a villain. and lute being his right hand woman makes sense#they read like a christian couple (term used loosely) where the man is a misogynistic asshole and the woman just kinda endorses it#which is perfect if you wanna make a critique of heaven and the humans who go in it because they repented or whatever#i always love dumbass villains who are easy to hate (mamoon from helluva being another example of a villain i enjoy)#thats it. thats all i have in terms of compliments#would love to adress the Angel Dust controversy because as a victim of SA (and CSA) myself I think there is nuance to be found in --#-- having a discussion about how we see survivors and how we portray the abuse they endure#i was an unconventional victim too. i kind of see a glimpse of me in Angel which is why I was LIVID when I got the full picture of the --#-- situation. but still
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Forsy Cup Day | 8.2.24
#gustav forsling#florida panthers#once more igstories#mourn our fallen brethren when their time comes in this wretched cycle we call time#diva stuns in new pictures#more news at 11#shes angelic shes sweet and shes /my/ little princess#could she cause me a concussion if she were to drop that hunk of metal on my head?#of course. thats what makes her sexier#i like my women a little dangerous and by god /is/ she#would she though? no. shes too sweet. but she could and that dichotomy is a very special thing#oh my god im sorry you guys are finding out a little too much about my taste i have to stop oh jesus christ
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Bangel is at its best when they are on the verge of breaking up or broken up, When they are together they SUCK.
#buffy summers#buffy the vampire slayer#buffy#buffy x angel#angel#angel btvs#angel buffy#buffy angel#they’re at their best when they’re mourning their lame relationship
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my least favorite thing in the world is when people go "oh,,,, 🥺 god must have needed an angel,,,," in the wake of a loved one's death. like,,, fr???? the all-powerful god, lord of everything, maker of the universe or whatever the fuck, just,,, DESPERATELY needed a 25-year-old dumbass SOOO bad RIGHT NOW??? was there a car he needed someone to identify the make and model of without anyone asking???? like???? did they just REALLY need someone to drink bud light and play COD for him???? heaven just DEEPLY needs someone to come up and pet cats and this was the ONLY OPTION????
#like obviously if you experience a loss and this is something that brings YOU comfort. by all means#but i am so fucking sick of ppl projecting this onto me. like. specifically ppl who BARELY EVEN KNEW HIM#like. i just. everyone can mourn in this own way but i nEED PPL TO STOP SAYING THIS TO ME#LIKE#esp when like!!! me and my immediate family!!! and not even religious and never have been!!! and neither was he!!! like!!!#oh ok aunt chris GOD NEEDED AN ANGEL uh huh SURE. my little brother had such a UNIQUE FUCKING SKILLSET. NO ONE ELSE COULD FIT THE BILL#fuck outta here#vent#personal#grief#family death#death#sibling death#tw sibling death#tw family death#tw grief#religion#tw religion
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woke up . died . woke up . died . woke up . died again .
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Maybe after being in heaven a while, some of the ex sinners(like angel dust, pentious, and others) begin to get bored of heaven and make a deal to be allowed back down from time to time. Like "How can this be heaven if I can't see people I care about? *puppy eyes*" They are allowed to go back to the hotel or even outside ( heavily supervised[maybe by the exorcist as a new job?]). But sometimes they bring stuff from upstairs, like Angel bring a new suit for Keke, or stuff like that. Pentious brings sometimes books for Vox to read and Charlie of how to help people to get better or how to treat people with severe head trauma. Angel sometimes tries to get some cheap booze back to heaven just for the taste of nostalgia, but he is almost never able.
Open travel between Heaven and Hell to see loved ones is a cute idea and will probably end up being canon in some form by the end of the show.
Only issue is now I’m thinking about Vox’s actual daughter (who has a 50-50 chance of being in either Heaven or Hell) coming down for a visit, not realizing everything that's happened.
#like. just imagine#your dad dies in a freak accident when you’re in second grade#you go your whole life mourning the version of him you mostly made up in your head#until you die and end up in heaven and realize he (along with the rest of your family) isn’t there#and then like a decade later this new way of visiting loved ones in hell opens up#and you go down and discover all of. this.#also your mom’s perma-dead and you can’t locate your brother#anonymous#sir pentious (ram)#vox (ram)#angel dust (ram)#charlie (ram)#neutral#Randomly Accessed Memories#vox's family
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my son has figured out the more sad and pathetic he meows the quicker i am to check on him because i think something’s wrong so now he exclusively wails at the top of his lungs like some lonesome spectre instead of just meowing like a normal guy. walk in the door hes running to me howling i rush to his side and ask him whats wrong my beautiful darling what ails you and he just flops over for belly rubs. male manipulator.
#but now the issue is when he Does need something and starts Yelling about it#i cant tell if its ‘Momma i need water im all out please help’ yelling or ‘i am a poor creature whom no one loves scratch my ass please’#yelling. hes created problems for himself.#he starts screaming and i gotta interrogate him like water? water? food? is your litter box full? whats the problem here#i gotta like dance around to see if he’ll lead me somewhere in the house or if he’ll get mad that im moving away and not petting him#my beautiful son who loves to sing and sucks so bad at it#and yet his mournful rhapsody is like an angels beckoning to my ears
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fic idea where Cas loses his grace and becomes human and slowly goes mad from being compressed into this tiny little human body dying all around him. not like in endverse but a whole new way of deconstructing over time. the breadth and span of history and the cosmos is too much for a human brain to hold and it starts with migraines and phantom limb wings and rings and eyes. He has claustrophobia and dysphoria. He feels comparitively blind and deaf and brainfogged all the time. His human shape simply cannot contain him any longer because he was never made for that.
but like, with a happy ending somehow, I'm not a complete sadist :P
#supernatural#castiel#fanfiction ideas#i just think it's strange how there's so many fics out there where he gives up his grace and everything is just fine and beautiful after#and i don't think that we acknowledge enough that past S6 Castiel is DISABLED#Metatron stole his grace.#He lost his wings - even when he gets them back they are visibly damaged and he still can't fly#and I swear some people talk about Angel Lobotomies like it's some kind of joke#we soften his losses and present them as *actually its an improvement* and *I have no regrets i chose this*#because being human is somehow better than being an angel#and I just think that's a misstep#you wouldn't cut off someone's leg and tell them actually you're morally better now because people with both legs are dicks#from s7 on Cas FREQUENTLY brings up that he just wants to be an angel#he is allowed to mourn#he is allowed to be affected by his sacrifices
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3:35 to 4:10 in Levitate is so unbelievably comforting to me. In the best (and worst) way possible, it truly does feel like levitation.
The best way I can describe it is laying in someone's arms, lover, friend, foe or family, and simply basking in the comfort they give you. One arm wrapped, gently, around your middle, fingers tracing invisible patterns on your clothes, and the other hand softly combing through your hair as they whisper soft nothings in your ear. You're on the brink of sleep; half listening to their words and half being drawn in by the comfort of the drowsy void.
It's a warm hug that you never want to leave. (catch me replaying that part over and over)
#and then the breakdown#(since you all seem to like it so much when I get depressive with these I'll pull out my thoughts)#my mind always conjurs two things with the breakdown; death and mourning#when you think of levitation you either think of magic or death; the soul rising up to Heaven#the choir that joins Vessel singing are angels as he tries to comfort the person dying in his arms.#the breakdown is when he finally realises that's it; they're gone#he brought down Heaven like an ancient bygone for them knowing their own wings wouldn't find it#but by God he'll scream and cry and year himself inside out over it even if he told himself that he would accept it#('death' can either be interpreted as actual death or the act of leaving someone for good ->#those last few seconds of calm is having one last moment with them before they rise to where he can't reach them)#if you can't tell I'm in my sad yearning hours because I didn't sleep last night and I'm stressed about trying to get tickets but we ball 💪#sleep token#st#sleep token analysis#levitate (song)#levitate#sundowning#mel's rambles
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I’m watching buffy for the first time and I’m getting Sam vibes from angel and rowan vibes from spike
#watching s3 ep 1 when she has a flashback of angel#very Sam Cortland and aelin in mourning#spike and her arguing and smacking each other very rowan and aelin
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if teenage years are the best years of my life why am i apologising to the little girl in my head why am i fearing my family falling apart why am i failing to accept my bio family are not good for me why am i worried about grades and jobs and life why am i preparing to mourn my best friend why am i fearing growing old why do i miss what i never had why do i miss people who don’t miss me why am i disgusted by my own urges, wants and needs why do i cry over the things i love the most why do i seek comfort in fiction because reality is against me why do i fear the touch i crave why do i feel i am dying
#thinking a bit too hard now#am i even going to survive long enough to make it all ok#why does nobody see i’m a kid#also side note obsession hurts so fucking bad especially when your object causes guilt because you know it should be someone else#pattern recognition is a curse#mmm yknow what fuck it i’m gonna elaborate briefly on everything because fuck silence i deserve to be heard for once#apologising to Boo because i ruined her life#i fear my family falling apart because most of us want to die and it’s impossible to keep everyone happy it seems#the bio family kinda speaks for itself but uuuh yeah i am not accepting my sister is bad#worried about grades and jobs because there’s a lot less money at home now but my brothers won’t cut back so i have to#which is really fucking up my progress with my ed#preparing to mourn because Angel’s been dying a while now and now he’s trying to finish the job himself#fearing growing old because will i really be better or will i spend my life miserable and psychotic#i miss Vermin again#i want him back but he was never here#i miss Wade#but i don’t think he misses me#he’s been online he’s just ignoring me#disgusted because hypersexuality is a bitch and i’ve tried sliding it into conversations with people i really need to fucking talk about it#it’s starting to feel suffocating but i’m too fucking embarrassed still#like i know it’s just a coping mechanism for all the trauma but#i can’t help feeling disgusting still#i cry over my family near every day because i just want us to be fucking happy for once#i have been clinging so hard to newer headspace members to give the others a break#two of them just happened to take the form of Chris Redfield and Mewtwo#again a sex thing i want to feel like my husbands want me but i’m too scared to do anything yet#ok confession done i’m gonna regret this tomorrow but whatever who really cares
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prev post I don’t want to bother op with this but. that is why s5 lucifer is so good too.
#ex. hammer of the gods. I mean he’s fucking gleeful about the massacre. he’s having fun.#and then this is the same episode that ends with him in tears and breathing shakily over his brother#and there’s no one watching. this is not a performance. he is just. he’s grieving.#and idk!! compelling!!!#joke post yesterday about Lucifer crying more onscreen#but actually it was not a joke I would have killed for more moments like this#late seasons lucifer could have been redeemed for me if like. we just had scenes where he stopped for a minute.#like maybe when he hears about Raphael’s death. maybe when Chuck refuses to pull Michael out of the cage with Lucifer.#and just fucking!!!! let him mourn them in privacy!!!!!!!!#like it’s not much but that would have added a little depth to his spiral!!!!! he’s alone!!!! he’s the only one alive and free!!!!#ahhhh late seasons lucifer who is exactly the same when around the human characters or demons because he just. doesn’t care anymore.#but when it comes to Heaven. to his remaining siblings. he puts in the effort to care about them.#you know just like how much better would it have been if Lucifer was completely and utterly genuine in his attempts to create new angels#and he just couldn’t. he didn’t know he couldn’t and he finds out because he’s trying and he can’t.#nothing much has to change he can still get kicked out for ‘lying’ about being able to.#whos’s going to believe him when he says he didn’t know?#and now imagine a version of Jack & Lucifer’s relationship coming off the crux of that#Jack is the last ditch attempt at creation. the breaking point.#I’m rambling but you see it. you see it right? the desperate grasping at something he could never get back?#the way everything would clash. if he treated Jack with love. but everything else could burn for all he cared.#cause Jack was it. he tried to make angels and failed but he DID make Jack.#and the winchesters trying to keep his son away from him? turn Jack against him? he might. break. about that.#like I’m saying if you kept the basic plot structure of the final seasons and just made tiny adjustments to Lucifer’s character#not even really his actions just his motivations!!! BOOM!!!! fucking!!!!! better show!!!!!!#anyway this has been speculation with will come back at 8 and I’ll talk about the bunker being a mushroom#spn#Lucifer spn
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i know my cat knows i love him but does he know how much?
#this question haunts me#I'm literally cryinc bc it's a 'holiday' (but also fuck thanksgiving it really is and should be a national day of mourning for indigenous#communities to honor the genocide and the continued violence they face bc of american white supremacy and colonialism)#but like i do have nostalgic ties frkm childhood and im thinking abt how weird life has been#since my mom and I REALLY started growing apart (bc i started to understand things and she started spiraling)#but how none of my holidays feel lonely even whem i mostly spend then alone bc my cat almost always snuggles with me the whole time#like okay yeah this is what its all for in the end#this is what i live for lol#anyway that holiday talk sounded sad but actually it's really happy#when i tried to do holidays w the immediate fam i used to stress a lot and usually experienced something traumatic#so like it's so nice to have quiet peaceful holidays with my angel of a cat who's been here thru it all#the first time he headbutted me was when i came home from my mom's on Thanksgiving the last year i spent it with hwr#idk i just love this lil dude. hes neen a constant for almost 7 years now like wow#also sometimes i hang out w friends or facetime friends after their fam gatherings or friends who also dont celebrate#i was interested in going to an indigenous day of mourning march however i am still feeling pretty awful after my root canal 2 days ago#so i will try to go next year
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After rotting for a few days in my sadness, today I finally got off my ass and did a bunch of much needed chores and cleaning. Got up, got myself a little drink, and buckled down. Now the back room is significantly more manageable, laundry is going, bed made, showered, and working on a commission from an acquaintance. Sweet Cali girl has had a blast supervising my doing my chores and is taking a much needed nap while I work on the commission. Supervising is hard work after all lol. Let yourself rot sometimes, just keep in mind rot gives way to new life and you'll need to get up eventually
#i still miss my little sheeta#but its going to be okay#shes watching over me and her sister with my other angel babies in Freya's feilds#cali girl has helped my significantly in the mourning of my sweet kitten#when im ready we'll get cali girl a buddy but that wont be for a while#until then she has the pups to play with
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It was always there it was never there it all existed at the same time
#i cant i cant wrap my head around that#i cant let these things coexist as one i just cant it's too hard it doesnt make sense#i mean logically it does im not stupid no one can be all good or all bad#but in practice it's so so fucking hard#i never got into fights w friends. when i did it inevitably ended in a split#usually from my end but there were a couple times i tried to salvage it#anyway. idk. it's so hard.#the dad who abused me is the same one who protected me?#my mom who held me to her chest when i was young is the same one who walks away from me when i cry?#how can anyone live with those coexisting.#you separate them. theres a good parent and a bad one and if you just walk on eggshells and be an angel then you get love and if u fuck up#well that's ur fault and the love goes away until they change their mind or u grovel#same w everyone. theres a good side that loves u and a bad side that punishes u#laughs nervously doesnt that make sense? right???#and if u just stuff urself away in a box no one can see then you can make everyone happy and they'll love u!!!!#or the you that you make for them at least#the Good you gets love and the bad you gets left in the dark to die but it never dies it just gets bitter and angry#idk what im saying. im mourning something that never was but really fully was. i cant wrap my head around it#i want my mom. i need someone to hold me and let me cry#im so sad and all i can do is cry. and then the next thing#im just sad that's it yk#anyway ask to tag
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