#whb tag
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ayo were finally getting a friend system in whb in march?? also bday system around april, cant wait to get presents from my favs in may jhhfhhdhh
#ALSO DID ANYONE SEE THAT NEW LEVI CARD i need him#not as bad as i need lucifer to finally fuckjng drop but still ughhhhh#whb tag#tbd
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Nvm y’all I got a plan 🙏🏾 soon my Beelzebub will be not only fine af BUT ALSO STRONG (he lying, he still struggling)
But also, SATAN COME HOME DAMN
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Penis unserious
bonus :
#angel.txt#what in hell is bad#whb#whb fanart#reuploaded bc it wasn't showing up in the tags??? hopefully it'll work this time
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Nsfw!
Thinkin’ rough sex with what in ‘hell’ is bad Satan~
Satan just can’t control himself when you’re mad at him. Grabbing you by the hips and pulling you against his chest, pushing his lips to yours and pushing his tongue into your mouth. Even better if you try to bite his tongue, that’ll just have him moaning for more.
Satan ripping your clothes away and not caring about any of it, he just desperately needs your skin touching his.
Pushing you back onto the bed and thrusting so hard into you, the bed creaks and you cry out, encouraging you to him him for it.
Slap him, harder, again, again harder, come now, he knows you can hit harder then that!! He wants you to hit him harder, not only does it feel so good when you do, it gives him a reason to be rougher and manhandle you even more.
Satan flipping you over so he can bite your shoulder, hard. slapping your ass and rubbing his hand over the mark laughing, while telling you how good his handprint looks on you. or gripping your ass and pulling you into him as he thrusts forward. pulling your hair and asking you who you belong, only loosening his grip when he hears his name falling from your lips.
Satan pulling out so he can cum all over your back, just to have the satisfaction of seeing you covered in his cum as you’re both panting, trying to collect yourself….Satan making sure that you catch you breath, just for a moment because obviously one round isn’t enough-
I mean he hasn’t had enough of you yet~
#I mean- honestly I can’t stop anybody from thinking about OM satan- but I’ve tagged it for WHB!#1 am thots~#somebody yell at me to check this for typos later- or yk if it just doesn’t make sense cuz I’m half asleep typing it ngl-#but if I don’t post it I’ll forget about it sjsjjsjs#what in “hell” is bad?#what in hell is bad#what in hell is bad satan#satan x reader#satan smut#smut#x reader#x reader smut#anime x reader#anime smut#whb satan#whb!#whb x reader#whb smut#whb
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I'm realizing that if Obey Me!MC ever met WHB!MC, they'd lose their shit.
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OB: YOU HAVE TO DO WH A T TO SURVIVE?!
WHB: You dont?!
OB: that feels, and I mean this sincerely, so illegal. Are you ok? Is it consensual? Do I need to call someone for you?!
-
*demon bros fighting*
OB: SIT BOYS! Anyways, like I was saying-
WHB, staring at the Demon Brothers unable to move, kneeling on the ground: I cannot express to you how jealous I am right now.
-
OB, glaring at WHB!Leviathan: oh my diavolo you're a bitch. I feel like I just touched something dirty. Gross, ugh. LEVI COME SNUGGLE!!
WHB, watching Leviathan about to murder OB as other Levi turns into a happy blushy mess and gets headpats* oh no
-
Bael and Beelzebub staring at Beel and Belphie: so you don't just leave to do whatever?
Beel: no? I have a job here outside of Rad- why are you crying.
Bael: can we please trade???
Belphie: hELL NO!
-
OB: wait so your mammon is like, rich rich?
WHB: more like three but- wait is yours not?
OB: . . . No comment.
-
*WHB screaming in terror and trying to run at the sight of Simeon, Luke, and losing it at the name Raphael*
OB: angels where they're are evil and trying to kill them. Don't worry about it.
*10 minutes later*
WHB nestled in Simeon's wings literally having the time of their life and super upset about it: mAn, ouR aNgELs fUcKinG SUCK.
OB, staring down a chained up WHB!Barbatos with disgust: your demons suck too. Where are his clothes?
-
OB!Solomon: ^ ^
WHB: oh you're their solomon?! Man my demons would probably love to mee-
OB popping their head in: NO THEY WOULDNT HES A SHADY BITCH!!
OB!Solomon: how could you say such a thing?
OB: You poisoned me just last week!
OB!Solomon: I made you dinner as you weren't feeling well!
WHB: aww, how ni-
OB: EXACTLY!!! POISON!! I COULDNT MOVE FOR TWO DAYS!!
WHB: 0_o
-
*The whole demon bros and kings and company staring each other down*
WHB: ok, so um- this is kind of hard to explain-
OB: SOLOMON AHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THIS TIME YOU SHADY BITCH?!
Literally the whole WHB cast: SOLOMON?!
WHB: he's not like our Solomon. Sorry guys.
Someone: but it's-
*cue OB flipping OB!Solomon off as he hides a large thick tome behind his back while yelling at him. Lucifer facepalms, groaning*
OB!Lucifer: I have too much work for this.
OB, turning around and grinning: HEY YOU GUYS WANNA SEE A MAGIC TRICK?!
OB!Mammon, clocking it right away: TREASURE NO-
OB: Lucifer, bark!
OB!Lucifer: woof . . . You're fucking dead.
*silence. Both Satan's burst out laughing among others*
-
Meanwhile poor Luke is being threatened by a couple WHB Demons and that's OB!MC's child so NO THANK YOU!!
WHB is extremely jealous of the magic they can wield, but does help stop their more powerful demons from killing the OB angels. Who are horrified at the thought of aimless murder like that. Except Raphael, he's a warrior angel, but even he agrees that these angels are wrong.
(If OB!Micheal shows up that's going to be a shit show and I've got popcorn)
#obey me crack#obey me#whb#what in hell is bad#obey me mc#whb mc#im not tagging everyone#i just think this is funny#especially with simeon#sweet lovely little angel#their first positive experice with an angel#is with him#and it will never be topped#also whb solomon vs ob solomon?#peak comedy#ones loved and revered and missed dearly#the other has been trying to get with lucifer for centuries with no luck#and cant stop poisoning people
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One of the devils: *looks at MC with suggestive eyes and puts a hand on their thigh*
MC: *slaps the hand away* No, it's Holy Week! Be holy!
The angels: Amen.
#this is actually a revamp of my obm nonsense#what in “hell” is bad?#whb#what in hell is bad#whb nonsense#whb mc#whb beelzebub#whb lucifer#whb satan#whb leviathan#whb mammon#whb sitri#whb leraye#whb foras#whb bimet#whb bael#whb marbas#whb gamigin#whb paimon#whb raphael#whb michael#whb gabriel#whb andrealphus#whb zagan#whb belial#whb glasyalabolas#whb eligos#whb barbatos#whb dantalian#sorry but i cant fit all the nobles in with the limit of 30 tags
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Taking the WHB demons (+ angels) to the Zoo
⟡ Masterlist ⟡
A/N: It's my b-day! And as a treat to myself I went to visit a local Zoo so ofc I'll write about how our demons (+ angels) would behave if they got to go too! ^^
Characters: All of the demons + the Seraphs
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With Satan in your group, you don't have to worry about being suffocated in a crowd of people. In a true Satan fashion, they all get a healthy dose of his boots to their behinds if they get even remotely close. And no, children are not safe from him.
Sitri is the snacks and drinks provider. No need to buy overpriced slushies and ice-cream when as soon as you get a craving, something sweet is being handed to you.
As unathletic as Leraye is, you'll see him speedwalking from an enclosure to enclosure. Oh, but if the Zoo has a tropical house with storm sounds for the immersive ambiance? Good luck getting him out of there.
Paimon takes photos of everything and anything. Every few enclosures has to take a break to pick out the best photos and delete the rest to clear out space for more.
Interestingly, Belial - or moreso Jjyu is really quiet. Maybe because someone told him that if he doesn't learn his manners, he might end up as food for one of the animals. This also might be the first time Belial has had such peace and quiet since he first got Jjyu.
Please, tell Astaroth to keep his snake at home in advance. The last thing anyone wants is to argue with the staff that it's really his snake and that he didn't steal it.
You barely notice Zagan even being there. Well, if he didn't leave his talismans everywhere, that is. Despite being practically expresionless, you can see him softly smile while watching animals do something cute.
Ppyong acts like a toddler. In the beginning he'll fly around all excited, happily exclaiming at the actions of the animals. Then he gets all tired and whiny, so Zagan someone has to carry him around. Once he's all rested up, it's back to square one
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"Oh, that's you favorite animal? M'kay, gimme a second to look up how much it costs." - Mammon
"Look at them, all they do is lay around and do nothing and we still have to pay to see them!" - Bimet
Eligos nearly buy out the plushies in the souvenir shop. Can't balme him, tho, they're usually super cute (and expensive x.x).
Do you feel guilty for dragging everyone around just to see your favorite animals? Valerfor is more than happy to be dragged around! Just give him enough time to read the info plaque so the two of you can have an interesting convo later.
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Oh boy is it hard to get Leviathan to come with you. And honestly, I wouldn't recommend at all. The people make him anxious and the fact that the animals get all of your attention instead of him? How he wishes he could hang them all.
Foras is probably the best Hades noble to visit with. He's eager to see all the animals the place has to offer. Also doesn't mind being dragged around.
Scheduling tip: make sure the day is overcast. If it's rainy, Barbatos will refuse to go anywhere. If it's sunny, there's no way you can keep his clothes on and with all the kids around... yikes.
Glasyalabolas will hang around the predators and vultures. If he's not there, he's probably about, scaring unattended children.
A Zoo is an amazing place to release Orias back into the wilderness. Just let him loose to disappear amongst all the other children at the playground. There's a chance that some unfortunate parent will mistake him for their own kid and take him home.
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Beelzebub is excited to try out all the food at the food court/restaurant within the Zoo. If there's a queue, he'll just walk up to the front. In such case is handy to have Satan with you to kick everyone out of the way.
Our poor Bael tries to coordinate the whole trip with you. The whole time he's holding an itinerary with time spans that you can spend on certain sections so you can catch as much commented feedings as possible.
Stolas has you to stop at every stall with snacks. So what, Sitri has a whole bag of them? Those he can have anytime, but these are only available at the Zoo (they're not)
The only one who's allowed to tour the Zoo on his own, separate from the group is Naberius, because nobody's willing to stop at every enclosure so he can read the plaques and commit them to memory. The only ones he avoids are canines bc they count as his family or smth and he hates to see them caged.
Oh lord the amount of times you've accidentally left Amon behind because he fell asleep while sitting somewhere in shade on a bench. Only once Beel returns from his food tasting will Amon stick with the group, so he can spend time by his side.
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Similar to Glasyalabolas, Ronove likes to hang around vultures and animals known to scare people. If there's a night exhibition, he'd also enjoy that. Partially because when people get startled when they enter a room and see him just silently standing there.
Phenix is kinda a hard one. Obviously, in their state it's difficult to go out anywhere in the human world. They agree, so they're content wiht just seeing Paimon's photos.
Another demon, who better be left at home is Dantalian. Sure, he can pass as a human, but you'd have to have him on a leash or keep an eye on him constantly. The moment he's out of your sight, he'll just try to get into an enclosure of some dangerous animal.
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Taking out Belphegor could be actually funny. Get him a wheelchair and take turns witht he rest of your group pushing him around. Just make sure to not leave him anywhere, just like Amon.
Beleth loves the house of felines. He's the exact opposite of Naberius. He's aware how endangered some large cat breeds are and he's happy to see some of his nearly extinct relatives safely protected.
Our floor gremlin Gusion has the answer to every question you might have about an animal. How? He's literally looking at the plaque rn. (*tired side-eye*)
A trip? Bathin very much cuncurs. Actually, why even go to a local Zoo when you can go to the one at the other side of the country? But don't get surprised if he gets a bit too excited iykwim.
Andrealphus spends most of the time in an area dedicated to bees and showcasing beekeeping. (my zoo has it and it's super adorable) Most of the animal enclosures have a stench to them and the pollinating flowers are so soothing to him. Also there's something about the constant buzzing that helps calm his mind.
As long as Belphegor doesn't go, Agares is happy to join you. He's taken over his country and now he would like to take over your attention? Not happening. It's either him or Belphie.
And as a loyal servant, Vassago refuses to go anywhere if his king is not going either. If you end up going with these two, however, I would avoid commented feeding since they could technicaly count as a speech.
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Being there since the begining, Lucifer's seen all the animals on earth as they were made by God, so he doesn't really see a reason to go to a Zoo, but eventually agrees to go when the others keep talking about it.
Morax is the best demon to take with you. All animals tend to naturally flock to him and so whenever you approach an enclosure, the animal will walk as close to him as it can, giving you the best view and if it's safe to, you can even pet it.
Big cat lover no.2 AKA Marbas! Will wait unti it's the cats' feeding time and then just watch as they tear their meal apart (it's usually a whole dead rabbit from what I've seen).
Buer would much more preffer a quiet getaway to maybe do some yoga or meditation, but nobody really asks him. As long as it makes you happy, he's happy to tag along. You'll probably find him later on with Adrealphus in the bee field.
Ooh, Gamigin loves snakes! They remind him of dragons (notice how he doesn't think they're related). "Wow, look at that one! I was that size when I was about 1000 years old!"
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Gabriel will most definitely decline your invitation to come along from the get go, so here's what you do: instead of a trip to a Zoo, you tell him that you're going a place where humans celebrate all the different types of God's creations. If he actually endures the whole schebang is a whole different question, though.
Been there, seen the animals before. Michael isn't interested in going anywhere where humans congregate. Though, it would make wiping them out easier.
Raphael is actually happy to go along with you. The whole experience is like reading a book witht he author's commentary. "Oh, that one was my idea. Can you tell?", "Yeah, I was telling Michael that it was a bad idea, but he wouldn't listen.", "Ahah, that one is scary to you? Gabriel made that one!"
#what in hell is bad#what in “hell” is bad?#brace for the tags cuz damn there's a lot of them T-T#////#whb satan#whb sitri#whb leraye#whb paimon#whb astaroth#whb zagan#whb ppyong#whb juno#whb bimet#whb eligos#whb valephor#whb valefor#whb orias#whb leviathan#whb foras#whb barbatos#whb glasyalabolas#whb beelzebub#whb bael#whb stolas#whb naberius#whb amon#whb ronove#whb phenix#whb dantalian#whb belphegor
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#what in hell is bad#whb mammon#...now how should I be tagging prev mammon even#whb previous mammon#I guess is what we're going with?#if there's any sort of a consensus on how to tag the prev versions feel free to let me know
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#I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT THISSSS#gonna be whoring in the whb tags again#sadly we cant show the dick#if u saw this earlier no you did not#what in hell is bad#whb#whb lucifer#whb mammon#whb satan#whb beelzebub#whb leviathan#what in “hell” is bad?
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Andrealphus with a human!SO who's curious about his scars
gender-neutral reader | slightly suggestive | mentions of sex and nudity | he calls his SO darling as an endearment | nonsexual intimacy (for the most part ig?)
MINORS DNI
i will take your kidneys 🧡
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He can feel them staring intensely. It doesn't bother him the slightest, given that he's received far more hostile glares, but that doesn't mean he's not curious. It's rare for his darling to look at him like that.
"Is there something wrong?"
Andrealphus turned to where they are, senses acute enough to locate them despite their quiet. There was a rustle of cloth and soon enough a body pressed against his.
"You have a lot of scars..."
"Do they bother you?"
He was never one for vanity, before or after being blind. What only mattered was that he was, at the very least, clothed. Even when he became one of Niflheim's nobles. Black did well with bloodstains and a simple suit was all he needed. A tie was out of the question because no matter how much he practiced, he somehow could never get it right. And the only reason that he bothered to braid his hair was because it could be a liability in battle, what with getting tangled or grabbed if he let it be.
So, appearances were the least of his concerns. So long as his body functioned well enough to fight, that's all that mattered.
"They don't bother me," they reassured. "It's just that, seeing them makes me realise what you went through."
Their fingers gently tapped at his wrist before holding his hand.
"I never really cared for the scars." For the majority of his existence, all Andrealphus did was fight. "The doctors from Paradise Lost can't say no to me when I ask for their assistance."
He's a model patient to them, following orders and recommendations to hasten his recovery. Rushing things would be a detriment in battle.
There had been times when he'd been too zealous with fighting and outright disregarding his physical state in order to fulfill his bloodlust. It cost him and his comrades dearly.
Gusion's rant and Bathin's disapproving comments still ring in his ears to this day. Yet they still helped him, dragging him back to where Marbas was in order to receive proper treatment. He made sure to express his thanks by staying put and actually listening to the doctor.
"Still," his darling insisted, snuggling closer to him. "It makes me sad, I guess? That you had to go experience such pain. I know you can handle it and that you've gone through worse but..."
The pair sat in silence, the mid afternoon sun filtering through the window and the sheets rumpled over their bare lap.
Andrealphus thinks he understands. Humans are delicate after all and Niflheim demons are the hardiest of devils in Hell, followed by those of Tartaros. Not to mention he is a noble to boot. Suffice to say, his body can take a lot before he's down for the count. Yet he also understands their concern, he thinks. They've never interacted with devils before they got to Hell and what knowledge they have of its residents are only surface level.
Maybe he should accept Gusion's offer of tutoring his darling about the norms and cultures in Hell. There was also a suggestion from Bathin to give them basic training for self defense.
Maybe.
Are his scars that unsightly that his darling would go so far as to point it out? It's not that he's unaware of them. They're just a fact of life, given that the entirety of Hell was at war for a century now and he was constantly on the frontline.
"Are they that unsightly?" Enough for them to point it out?
"No. Not the slightest. In fact," they trailed off, sounding a little hesitant. "I find them attractive."
"Oh, I have no doubt towards that," Andrealphus said with a chuckle. "If I remember correctly, you jumped on me the first time you saw me shirtless—oof!"
His darling punched him lightly (to him at least), as they grumbled in embarrassment. He wrapped his arms around them, pulling them in for a kiss. They still haven't cleaned up from earlier activities, thought that's the least of his concerns right now. Not when his darling kisses him back with equal fervor and adoration.
"Andrea–" They gasped, moaning as Andrealphus set his eager mouth to their chest. Such music to his ears. "C-can I touch your– Ah! Your scars–"
Their nails dug into his shoulders, trying to steady themself as he set them on his lap properly. He growled as they yanked at his hair, halting his onslaught so they can catch their breath.
"Can I?" They asked, breath ragged and a face flushed.
"You can touch wherever," he said, giving them one last kiss as reassurance. He let them settle on his lap properly and patiently waited.
Hesitant fingers traced along his right bicep. He knew there was a scar there having touched it when he bathes.
"Where is this from?"
"Sparring with Bathin."
"Oh?"
"He is skilled with his sword. If I were any slower, it would've gone through my arm."
His darling let out a concerned hum but kept quiet nonetheless.
The rest of their afternoon went like that. Tentative touches on scar tissues and hushed voices asking questions as they explored the visible scars on his body. They used to be inconsequential to him. Just another notch on his body as proof of another hard won battle and further proof of him reaching his goals. But with how his darling touches them, even going so far as to give the bigger ones a kiss made him feel proud to have them.
Andrealphus thinks he'd found a slice of paradise, here in his humble home, with his darling in his lap, and the rest of the world so far away.
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A/N:
hiiii i've had a bit of a drink and when im drunk, i write (because i need me some of that dutch courage to stop being conscious about my writing)
gonna add this to my collection of "drinking drabbles"
this was all done in one sitting and definitely not proofread so,,,,,,,
also typed this all up on mobile so idk what's the word count or if the formatting is okay
eheheheheh 🦐
#what in hell is bad#whb#prettybusy what in “hell” is bad?#what in “hell” is bad?#whb andrealphus#whb andrealphus x reader#how do i tag this#anyway i was itching for some Andrealphus content#gotta#make my own damn food ig#and here we are#pls im gonna be embarrassed about this when i sober up#🦐:drabble
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*demon gets killed by an angel*
Glasyalabolas: "RIP homie but now I gotta bust a nut" *unzips his pants*
Gamigin: "Here let me help" *jingles his staff*
(un)dead demon: *wakes up and comes back to life* "huh where are my clothes?"
Glasyalabolas: *ruined orgasm and sexually frustrated* "Oh come on why you gotta ruin my moment?! I'm not surprised you're working for a loser angel that heaven now sees as a traitor" *gets mad at Gamigin*
Gamigin: "Don't disrespect His Majesty Lucifer like that!😡"
#imagine a [Kendrick vs Drake] type of beef between Gamigin and Glasyalabolas#The battle of the G's#Gamigin's powers conflict with Glasyalabolas' philia#I headcanon all demons in hell getting pissy when they're sexually frustrated#what in hell is bad#prettybusy what in “hell” is bad?#what in hell is bad?#whb gamigin#whb glasyalabolas#imma tag their kings too#whb lucifer#whb leviathan#what in “hell” is bad?#what in hell is bad gamigin#what in hell is bad glasyalabolas#Glasyalabolas whb#gamigin whb#whb incorrect quotes#whb memes#whb meme#whb shitpost#whb
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as a cat owner i can confirm this is the best and coziest smell and its so oddly cute that its satans AHHA
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Do you think Mammon (and the other demons) would get confused by modern slang like saying "this is ass" in a negative way or if something is of poor quality
because Mammon likes ass and he'd most likely get confused about it idk
Ah good thing to talk about, anon. This is going to be long I apologize in advance lol
I will lead in with this, apparently when MC said the word "dildo" Satan, Sitri, and Ppyong had no idea what that was and it confused me because like??? Avisos has a literal dildo vending machine wtf you mean ya'll don't know what that is?
And it makes me think they just call stuff like that something else in their language and that's why they were unfamiliar with the term.
So with modern slang and AAVE (yes there is a difference) the devils in this universe would take the phrases very literal and therefore you'd have to explain.
Now, for Mammon when it comes to phrases like that because he does take it literal. My OC Astra uses phrases like "You've got me fucked up" "On God?" "Catch this fade" "Meet me outside" you know the drill. She always has to clarify because otherwise...lol
Mammon's response to "UGH This is ass..." would be "??? I'm pretty sure the only ass here is yours and mine <3" and then you have to explain.
Satan would try to level with you and understand your "funny words". Leviathan hates it when you speak that way because he deems it "too informal to comprehend" but he's just jealous he sounds incredibly stiff when attempting to say the same things. Beelzebub loves phrases like that and intentionally teases you by having you believe he doesn't know what you mean but he does. Belphie may 50/50 understand since he talks hella informal so he just vibes and doesn't ask for you to clarify.
Funny enough I'll tell you anon who I think would know most of every human speech dialect and that's Lucifer, Asmodeus, and Amy.
Lucifer? Due to age, and his observation of human activity. Asmodeus is a no brainer since he spends a lot of time on earth. Amy? Because it's his hobby to study that and he prefers speaking that way to confuse and upset Sitri because he can't stand how "proper" he speaks when there's absolutely nothing wrong with informal speech if you are conveying the same thoughts and feelings correctly.
But you'd never catch him saying skibidi rizzler in the same sentence.
Also bonus: If Minhyeok was into K-pop and the hip-hop/rap culture that's in Korea, he'd know some phrases. Granted you may have to correct him as some times a lot of AAVE is not used properly so it sounds odd. (gyat being the worse offender lately....)
#whb#jwhbasks❓#whb headcanons#whb mammon#phew there's too many to tag so#whb kings#i'd like to think minhyeok would try his best to understand lol
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Can we have some family's moments plsssss 🥺 Like how the kings take care of the baby after birth (the skin-to-skin contact with the dads is so precious) and maybe some scenerio where they introduce their kids to the nobles pls 😭💕
I hesitated with this request for a long time (sorry! And thank you for your patience!), but I wanted to include everyone here. I needed some time. It's finally ready!
Satan
The pregnancy was as much fun (for Satan) as it was exhausting (for you). Of course, he supported you. Especially when you were screaming during labor that you hated him, and it was all his fault, and he almost cum feeling your anger. But to the point.
He is a truly excellent father and knows how to deal with children, because he has attended births many times. When he lies down next to you and holds your twins in his arms, the look on his face will be one of pure happiness (from tonight onwards there will be not one, but three pairs of headlights staring at you). He will gently support their heads and stroke them between the nubs that will later become horns. You've never seen him so calm before. So caring. As if suddenly, for a brief moment, all his wrath and depression disappeared.
As for the nobles - Satan needs to enjoy the kids, so when Leraye and Paimon come cooing at you and the baby, they'll get their ass kicked. There should be silence! You are tired, twins also need to get used to their parents. Although, Paimon and Leraye will be great guardians, just keep an eye on them all, because when they are having fun, they are really messy. Poor stuffed animals.
Sitri will be the first to have the honor of holding them (and changing their diapers). I think he will be most confused when he has to take care of children for the first time, because they are small, dependent and illogical. He'll learn quickly, especially with your help. Show him how to take care of little ones, and he will do well on the first try.
The best nanny will of course be Astaroth, he is perfect for children. After all, he was the one who started the legend of Santa Claus. (And I still headcanon him to be so old that he was little Satan's guardian). Zagan will be a little more shy, he will consider twins two little treasures, and slowly he will have to learn that they will not shatter like glass when he touches them (the demonstration will be a loving father who will lift the kid by the foot). Belial is also a great nanny, although Jiyu is forbidden from staying with the child for long periods of time.
Satan, of course, is the perfect father. He sometimes has stupid ideas, but he knows perfectly well how to do everything with children, and he would love to stay with you all the time if it weren't for the war and responsibilities.
Mammon
Every contact with Mammon is skin to skin contact. He will be exceptionally delicate. The baby is not so little (and labor wasn't easy), but in his hands it looks even smaller than usual.
He will let you enjoy your child as much as you want and will wait patiently for you to give them to him. During this time, his greed will only increase, but it feels good. After all, as his Master, no, as someone more - as his Wife, you have priority over everything. Especially the baby you gave him. He loves you even more for this, because you yourself are his treasure and you have given him something he never had before.
Bimet will be torn between hiring a nanny and keeping money, but greed will win. Even if he has to take care of the child. Although he will try to avoid his responsibilities as much as possible so that he can only be present while having fun. The kind of uncle who can play with a toddler until he or they start crying.
Valefor will be a much better guardian. He won't be afraid to change clothes and feed the baby, even if they throw gold-plated porridge. Strangely enough, while it won't always be cute, Eligos will take care of them the best of all. Mainly because good care means more attention and headpats for him. I don't know why, but I have the impression that Eligos will be the greatest help for you in raising, because he will be the least likely to spoil this already heavily spoiled child.
Beelzebub
As you expected, Beelzebub will appear very late, but for completely different reasons than you think. This date was etched in his memory like a stone. Except he doesn't know if it's safe, because the moment he sits next to you on the bed, looks at your tired smile, touches your baby… all his desire to wander will disappear. He will have a dangerous urge to give it all up and stay with you. See your child grow up. To look after you. Cursed angels and cursed war, he will destroy the entire Heaven, but he wants to stay with you. When he hugs the baby to his chest, his face shows genuine emotion… and pain. You don't need further assurances of how much he loves you.
There is a running joke that the kids will treat Bael as their father, but neither him nor Beel won't allow it. Bael don't like to be confused with him if he don't have to, after all. Also, even Nabe can tell them apart without glasses, and their children will be able to tell them even more. In everyday life he will actually be a good uncle. Like Sitri, he will need time (and energy) to get used to it, but... he has too much other work to do instead of raising a child.
Naberius won't really know what to do with the children. His greatest contribution would be to play with them, especially if he changed into his dog form. It's not that he doesn't want to help, but his brain freezes when you tell him to heat up the milk. You think it's cute and tell him to mainly keep an eye on them. Stolas is a little better help, but he's loud and energetic. While he can prepare a meal, he's not very good at changing diapers.
The royal nanny in this case will be Amon, if you can convince him to do so. The fact that these are Beelzebub's children should help. We know that if he wants, he can handle any situation very well, and besides, he is mainly our guard when we are at Avisos. This way, you will solve Bael's problem with the always sleeping Amon, and Amon himself will be happy, feeling part of your family.
Leviathan
It's not easy to read the emotions on Leviathan's face, but the way he holds your child, seemingly holding his breath so as not to harm them, made you feel warmer. Always perfect, now he looks like the most lost man in Hades. You will help him, position his hands to hold the baby properly, allow him to get used to the baby's gentleness, and tell him that babies need close contact to maintain body warmth and a steady heartbeat. When Leviathan hears this, he won't want to put the baby down for even a second. The only exception is when you are holding them. In fact, he's torn because when he gives you the baby back, he's jealous that he doesn't hold it, and when he holds it, he's jealous that he just had a beautiful sight of you holding them in your arms… Life is so hard.
I see him as the only king who is not a perfect father. Why should he be if he was no example? He didn't even have a childhood. Neither of you will mention it, but you will learn together how to take care of your baby. This will only bring you much closer. Especially since there is a lot of chaos and very little perfection in parents' lives. He will try as hard as he can, on his own, willingly, but sometimes kiss him and tell him that you will take care of the baby at night. He will be grateful to you for this. Especially since Leviathan will do everything to give your child a real childhood.
Unlike other countries, Hades has no official best nanny. Foras is great at taking care of mundane things like feeding, changing, and bathing, but he's not very affectionate. Barbatos is even too affectionate and playful, he can take care of the child in any way, but keep an eye on him because he considers clothes to be an unnecessary accessory. The best nanny would be Glasyalabolas, if it weren't for the fact that from the very beginning he tries to convince the little prince or princess to dethrone their daddy. Coup d'état, that's just good fun!
As for Orias, in this case Leviathan is much more cautious, but when he sees that his noble still prefers him to the child, then (his ego will be tickled) he will have no problem with him.
#whb#what in hell is bad#whb satan#whb beelzebub#whb leviathan#whb mammon#skye's little talk#whb leraye#whb paimon#whb sitri#whb zagan#whb astaroth#whb bimet#whb valefor#whb eligos#whb naberius#whb amon#whb stolas#whb bael#whb foras#whb orias#whb barbatos#whb glasyalabolas#this is the first and last time I tag them all#whb belial
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songs from my playlist that remind me of the whb characters for one reason or another except im not explaining. could be specific lyrics, vibe, or just bc
also i feel bad that i didn't include tartaros but... ive been working on this for months and literally couldn't think of any song i liked that fit any of the characters So. maybe in the futre
gehenna
satan: vermillion - slipknot sitri: call me little sunshine - ghost leraye: hot hot hot!!! - the cure paimon: call me - blondie zagan: enjoy the silence - depeche mode astaroth: bigmouth strikes again - the smiths belial: never say never - romeo void
hades
leviathan: cirice - ghost foras: this charming man - the smiths glasyalabolas: bruise violet - babes in toyland barbatos: sunspots - nine inch nails orias: seether - veruca salt
avisos
beelzebub: the perfect drug - nine inch nails bael: starfuckers inc. - nine inch nails stolas: bullet with butterfly wings - the smashing pumpkins naberius: closer - nine inch nails amon: fascination street - the cure
paradise lost
lucifer: paradise lost, a poem by john milton - the used gamigin: where is your boy tonight - fall out boy marbas: stitches - orgy morax: blue monday - new order buer: sextape - deftones
abaddon
phenix: two of hearts - stacy q dantilian: sin - nine inch nails ronove: touch myself - genitorturers
niflheim
belphegor: mad world - tears for fears beleth: pet semetary - ramones gusion: sleep to dream - fiona apple andrealpheus: blasphemous rumors - depeche mode bathin: the killing moon - echo & the bunnymen
#what in hell is bad#whb#what in “hell” is bad?#prettybusy what in “hell” is bad?#whb satan#whb beelzebub#whb lucifer#whb leviathan#whb belphegor#i am Not tagging all the characters i am v sorry#maybe later
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One very minor criticism of Sitri’s design, from the viewpoint of someone who shares this guy’s kink irl,
Okay, so bby likes to listen to hearts. Mood af.
But as someone who does that irl with the person I’m romantically involved with, the following position is so comfortable for that purpose;
Laying snuggled up into their left side, right ear directly over heart. Much easier than laying at their right side, because the heart is more situated towards the left. Optimal af.
So whyyyyyyy
Horn on the right hand side of his head? The horn would poke someone if he tried to snuggle from the left side, seeing how it curves around/over his ear.
Bby can’t even have optimal cardiophile snuggles. Crying in the club right now.
Note: this isn’t a serious criticism, he’s perfect af. I was just thinking about scenarios for my writing and was like “Ah shit, he can’t do the best kind of cardiophile snuggles.”
#what in hell is bad#what in “hell” is bad?#prettybusy what in “hell” is bad?#whb#whb sitri#teafoodshitposts#teafood rambles#teafood writes#teafood kinks#teafood would like to apologise if naked ladies appeared after liking and sharing this post.#teafood accidentally fucked around#teafood definitely found out#note to self#don’t tag the kinks without modifying it#whb kinks#whb cardiophilia#whb idiosyncrasies
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