#whatever the hell you can call this ship

[frecklystars]

I love that all of my friends who have watched Crazy Stupid Love with me will point at Ryan Gosling's character and say "ohhh I see why you like him... he's like your other F/O, Barney Stinson :) except he kinda respects women a little bit more" and I'm like... what. oh... huh.

I see.

[starswallowingsea]

Happy Elements advertising Enstars just feels like they're threatening us with the bisexual beam. If you aren't already bi you will be when they're done with you

[slowlyfoggydestiny]

Soo it happen again huh

[lucienne-thee-librarian]

I think I know *a* answer if not the answer:

If someone is bringing up white women for a reason besides Disguised Misogyny but Make it Sound Radical, they should actually yknow. Follow that up with a solid connection to race and how the women being brought up perpetuate a certain problem to do with it, something substantive about white femininity and how it's treated in our culture, or highlighting a lack of empathy these women might show to people of color, empathy that they seem to have no trouble displaying towards fellow women/queer people when said people are white. Just for a few examples. Idk, if someone has some substantive criticism, something to say about something white women do, they should. Actually say it. Not something that just sounds like garden variety sexism if you tacked a word or two on, words you could snip off and not lose anything from your hot take.

If you don't have a coherent/accurate point to make, or the point you made ends up having nothing to do with race really, just "these women do a thing and that's bad" then yeah, imo you need to stop pretending. At the least it's a red flag that this person might be hijacking the language of legit theorists about race and gender to cover a misogynistic bias or just petty personal grievances that don't actually have a thing to do with social justice.

At what point is the "white woman blogger" joke like, unproductive/helpful. cuz initially it seemed to come out as valid criticism to a trend of white women online with a lot of privledge who just, often ran into doing/saying really racist/sexist/ableist, etc stuff one way or another but now it just feels like the butt end of a joke

[moonbaby26]

Their Favorite Parts

*crossposted to AO3 here*

Prompt: One Piece men and the parts of your body that they fixate on most. 

Reader Type: GN!Reader

Characters: Doflamingo, Kuzan/Aokiji, Crocodile, Smoker, Buggy, Mihawk, Shanks, Law

Warnings: language, references to sex, penetration, oral, and foreplay

Fic Masterlist

———————————

Doflamingo/Holes

He actually can be gentle with you. But you’ve found that level of care is always only a precursor to something else that he wants. And in the end, he can’t ever let you back to sleep until he’s been inside at least one of your holes and fully spent himself within it. 

Whether this wretched man is pounding between your thighs, or probing you with those long fingers, or dampening you with that equally obscene tongue…he wants to be as deep inside of you as he can possibly be. 

He loves you most when you’re trembling, thighs spread beneath him. Or on your knees looking up as your eyes water with your mouth full of his length. He’ll tell you what a good pet you are even as you plead or choke. 

But it’s as if you were made perfectly for him. He’ll never feel this with another lover. You’re his favorite until he destroys it all. And even then, he may just pull you from the ash to start with you again. Because he would sincerely miss you in his next empire.

Kuzan/Aokiji/Chest

He loves to sleep with his head on your chest. He can hear your heartbeat then and know that you’re still really there. That this isn’t all some terrible illusion, as much as he still feels he doesn’t deserve you and can’t keep you. 

His life has been too complicated. All the way from a respected, yet conflicted marine to whatever the hell people are calling him these days. But you never seem to judge him. You still believe in him, even now. He doesn’t understand your loyalty, but he loves you for it. 

And when the two of you are awake and intimate, he’ll be behind you, hands holding your warm chest as his fingers massage it. The way you lean back into him as your chill bumps form is so trusting. You know that he could freeze your heart in an instant if he chose to. But of course he never would. He wants this to last forever. He needs you at his side.

Sir Crocodile/Hips

He is certain you do it on purpose by now. The way your ever tight clothing forms around your body. It feels like a specific challenge you’ve made against him. As if you are daring his eyes not to follow you across the room as your hips sway while you walk. 

You’re his favorite assassin already. Though perhaps he can take some blame for letting this favoritism start to go to your head. And yet, even when he plans to punish you, he finds himself enjoying it too much. It’s hard to keep you humble when he’s still moaning your name as he fucks you over the top of his desk. 

With his one hand he grabs into that fleshy hip, riding you to his release as his hook stays warningly against the side of your face. But while you smirk against that curved metal as he finally cums, he knows you haven’t learned your lesson at all. Yet he also realizes that there are still years of this game to come. You’re too efficient to get rid of you anytime soon.

Smoker/Lips

It was the first thing he ever noticed about you. Just how pouty your lips could look, even as you argued and bitched at him on the battlefield. You cursed him through those lips, always lamenting that he made your shared marine ship smell like an ashtray. 

And by the time he’d found his way into your bunk one night, those same lips were about the only thing he would put his cigars down for. He’d wanted to kiss you for so long. By the time you finally let him, he never wanted to lose that high again. 

It could be soft, it could be rough. Just like you and your ever changing moods. You acted like you hated him until your mouth was over his. Then you were thrusting against him soon enough and whimpering even as you both knew you couldn’t wake the rest of the ship. 

He always started and ended sex with you with those damned lips. And every time he knew curses would be flying from them again tomorrow, even if his name would also be moaning out through them just as passionately each night.

Buggy/Butt

His life was a circus. And not just in the literal way he would have preferred. Somehow every move he made garnered new success, but equal terror. He never knew what tomorrow would bring. As Cross Guild’s infamy grew, so did his reputation along with it. 

But his nerves were shot, and you could tell. When the others bullied him, you never added to it. He hadn’t a clue why you’d chosen him. But he wouldn’t take it for granted either as you’d come to sit in his lap, late at night in his room. You’d call him your captain, your emperor even, grinding that perfect ass into him as you tried to cheer him up. 

And it always worked. As he’d a bit too desperately slide your pants from you, you always humored him. Letting his hands massage and hold that enticing rear. If he wanted to spank you, you let him do that too. It was just so soft and…comforting? He might not admit it, but you were his only remaining stability in this place. If he lost you, that would have been his breaking point. But he trusted you too when you promised that you were in it for the long haul. He was already your pirate king.

Mihawk/Eyes

It was the way you’d looked at him that first time the two of you had ever crossed paths. You weren’t afraid of his history, even as you’d seen him kill a lesser swordsman right in front of you. 

By the time he got to know you better, he’d realized just how much he liked to gaze into those eyes. It was as if he could feel what you were thinking. And as your confidence grew, that ‘come hither’ look of yours became far more prominent as well. 

Just with a glance, he knew exactly when you were craving to have those physical needs sated. And he certainly respected that need, finding it rather quickly a mutual one as he’d often carry you to his bed. 

And even then as his hips would be pumping skillfully against your own, you’d be looking up at him in a haze of pleasure with those same beautiful eyes. A view for him alone, one he would cherish and protect forever more.

Shanks/Legs

It might have been a bit too crass on his part, that afternoon in the bar when he’d first noticed you from across the room. But his ship wouldn’t be in port for long. There wasn’t time to play this subtle. No, not at all as he’d whistled loudly, catcalling you while his crew had laughed. 

He’d gotten the full view as well when those same lovely legs had carried you right back up to the bar to tell him to go fuck himself. And the way he’d smiled at you just pissed you off even further of course. 

Your anger made you stay. And it was definitely a talent of his to inspire that, but he was persistent too. Soon enough you’d let him buy you a drink, and then a few more. By the time the two of you had been stumbling out of the bar, you were letting him know your room number at the nearby inn. You wanted to know if he was just all talk. He assured you that he was not.

And that night as he did get the privilege of those legs being wrapped around him as your bed creaked and shook in a marathon of lovemaking, he realized his crew probably could find more room on the ship. You had no ties to this town either. 

By morning he was more than pleased when you agreed to board. Beck had protested a little, just at the sudden impracticality of yet another mouth to feed. But Shanks knew you would fit in fine, all of you and those legs laying in his bunk warm beside him for years to come on your way through the New World.

Law/Hands

With an epithet like the Surgeon of Death, he of course knew better than most on the importance of dexterity and skill with the hands. Without his own, he felt that he would have been useless. 

But this appreciation for such talent had quickly extended to you once he’d finally given in. He’d ignored you for as long as he could, too logical in his understanding of how reckless it’d be to pursue a member of his own crew. But so many days and nights alone under the ocean’s surface had finally worn him down. 

The night on the Polar Tang when those skillful fingers of yours had finally been in his hair, and finally unbuttoning his pants soon after was one that had been so long coming. You’d gotten to see that other side of him then as he unraveled almost shamefully beneath your stroking and assurances. 

He’d taken care of everyone else for so long you told him, playing the part of their stoic leader. But you knew he was far from only that as your hands drew out all his pent up need. 

You promised him that he was safe with you. That you were with him until the end. And it was all true. The captain of the Heart Pirates would remain within your capable hands for as long as he desired to. And that desire would prove to be unbreakable.

[onepiece-fics]

Strawhats' reaction to their S/O napping randomly in weird places

Summary: Strawhats reacting to their partner falling asleep in weird places in positions randomly.

Warnings: Gender-neutral reader. General fluff. Mentions of gaslighting but in a joking way (incredibly unserious).

Word count: 1126 

Luffy

Honestly, he’s too stupid to consider that it could be a health issue so he just kinda thinks it’s cute

It’s not until someone like Chopper or Nami asks him if you’re okay that he’s like “Wait a damn minute…. Is my partner okay???”

He’ll confront you about it, super concerned, asking if you’re dying and you’ll be like “ ??? what now???”

He’ll sit with you as Chopper examines you with very stern eyebrows. When Chopper tells him that you’re fine he has the BIGGEST smile on his face.

Would probably either join your naps (and also sleep in weird places/positions) or poke you until you wake up lol. 

Zoro

Dude will join your naps, no questions asked.

He’ll ask you if you’re okay, but once you tell him that you’re fine he shrugs his shoulders and just lies down near you. 

If you look particularly uncomfortable if you’ve somehow squeezed yourself in between two boxes or something he might pick you up and plop you down in a hammock instead.

Most of the time though he just sits or lays down next to you, with an arm around your shoulder or waist.

He knows you think it's adorable to wake up with him half-snuggled into you <3

Nami

Before you start dating she might judge you a little. She might give you a weird look when she finds you hanging from your legs in her tangerine trees lmao.

When you start dating though she’ll find it cute as hell. Whenever she’s just walking around on the ship and finds you in the most random places it’ll make her giggle. 

When she finds you she’ll squat down beside you, move your hair from your face, and give you a kiss on your forehead as you wake up.

“Wake up sleepyhead, surely this can’t be comfortable?” she’ll say teasingly as she pulls you up on your feet (and drags you away to go cuddle somewhere) 

Usopp

He thinks it’s soooo cute but…. He might jokingly gaslight you about it.

“Oh Y/N? Remember that time I found you sleeping in the Cola barrel and you heat all of Franky's cola up with your body temperature? No? Dang, and Franky got so sad about the Cola too…”

He’ll only gaslight you for a little bit though before kissing you and telling you it’s a joke. He’s not doing it maliciously, he just thinks it’s funny to tease you and make up stories (and tell them to Chopper who totally believes it every time)

Honestly, I feel like Usopp would be the type to tuck blankets and pillows away in the most random places that you tend to fall asleep in, in hopes that you would use them.

He would also tell you to call for him if you start feeling sleepy so he can wake you up! 

In reality though, if you do call for him he’ll just get super soft and cuddly with you and you’d both end up napping together. 

Sanji

He’d be SO worried about you it’s not even funny

Would be sprinting to Chopper with you in his arms the first time you fall asleep in a weird place asking him to cure you immediately

After an intense check-up from Chopper (with Sanji crying, holding your hand) he’ll be so relieved that you’re fine.

He might scold you if he finds you in positions that look particularly uncomfortable, but he wouldn’t ever wake you up. He’d just pick you up and place you on a sofa somewhere and wait until you woke up to scold you.

Like Usopp, he would also ask you to tell him if you were feeling sleepy, but with cuddling 110% in mind.

If you ever come over to him and tell him that you’re sleepy you best believe this man is dropping WHATEVER he’s doing to pick you up and run somewhere you two could cuddle. 

Chopper

As a doctor, he’ll ask you some questions about it and be able to give you some advice on what to do.

Might prescribe you melatonin pills to take when you go to bed at night in hopes that you don’t nap at weird times/places.

Would definitely keep an eye on you and might get upset if you nap when he tells you not to (how could you do that to the poor doctor T_T)

Robin

I don’t think Robin would be all too worried honestly, I think she’d just find it cute

Similarly to Zoro, I think she might sit/lay next to you if she finds you and just read for a bit, stroking your hair if you’re lying in her lap.

She trusts that both you and Chopper know what’s healthy or not regarding your naps.

She might propose a daily naptime for you lol. Like, just a 40 min nap time where you’re leaning against her in the hammock or something like that.

Franky

It takes him a while to notice at first, and when someone tells him they found you under a carpet in the dining room he doesn’t believe them at all. When he goes to look for you and finds you under the dining room carpet though…. He loses his mind.

Honestly, I feel like Franky would just be baffled more than anything.

“But why would you nap there?? Aren’t there better places to nap? What if someone steps on you?” Mans is just incredibly confused. 

Might make you a smartwatch that gives him a notification whenever you fall asleep so he can go get you and put you to bed lol 

After it happens like 10 times he just starts joking about it even though he still doesn’t really understand. 

Brook

Another one that doesn’t really reflect on how weird it is lol

If he sees you lying somewhere random on deck he might just laugh at you

Will tease you about it when you wake up, might even make a stupid rhyme about it and get Luffy and Chopper in on the teasing as well 

But it’s all lighthearted at the end of the day!

Jinbei

I feel like Jinbei would be very confused like Franky, but would ultimately find it kind of cute. 

Might pick you up and carry you to your or his bed and tuck you in with a little kiss on the forehead

More than anything I feel like if another strawhat found you sleeping somewhere weird they would come up to him like “Jinbeiiii, they fell asleep on the stairs againnn” like it’s his duty to go pick you up lol. 

He might tease you a little bit about it because he finds it silly, but more than anything he finds it cute. 

[malereadermaniac]

Studying ~ Ushijima x Male Reader

Nsfw / MDNI ~ amab m!reader / FDNI Top!Ushijima x Bottom!Reader word count: 1.3k

Ushijima has always liked how smart you are

Ever since you two had been seated together in class, he admired how you always try in class but aren't too snooty about it - you help him if he needs it for whatever reason

The one time that solidified your relationship as friends was when Ushijima had overworked himself so much at practice because of nationals that his brain wasn't computing with the lesson at hand

"You good?" You whisper, noticing his disheveled look and empty piece of paper

"Uh.. yeah, I'm just confused" he whispered back, looking down at his notebook

Wordlessly you slid your notes to Wakatoshi

He looked up at you with widened eyes and you flash him a warm smile before turning your attention back to the teacher

Once you slowly started to hang out with Ushijima and Tendo, the muscular volleyball player didn't take too long to take a liking to you

Tendo always shipped the two of you, teasing you both by gushing over anything you two did

Which happened a lot, since you and Wakatoshi became really close

You were and still are a shy, gay nerd, you knew there was no chance of him liking you but that didn't stop you from showing affection like you would to any other friend

Wakatoshi on the other hand didn't register that he was head over heels for you

He could only get his head in the game if you were on the court-side cheering him on ever since he met you

He would put his arms around your shoulder when you two would walk to class

Fucking hell Wakatoshi not only catch himself staring at you for ages and conjure up excuses for himself

But finally, once you two finally got together nothing much changed

Except for Ushijima doing everything he used to do x10

He isn't one for a lot of PDA, but when in private, Wakatoshi is all over you

And you love it so, so much

In public he'll call you pretty or handsome, he'd hold your hand and hold you close but that's about all

In private, this man is holding you on top of him, complimenting you, constantly talking to you; there's never a moment of silence when you're with your boyfriend

You both do go out on dates, Ushijima has money and he aims to spoil his boyfriend as much as he can, so fancy restaurants and vacation homes are go-to's

But the two of you do a lot of study dates too

You teach him some things and vice versa

But the common trend amongst your study sessions is how they end

You'll start rambling about a topic you're passionate about and Ushijima will go silent, listening to you while admiring every part of your face and body

He'd look at you hands and touch them gently as you talk - his much bigger and rough hands juxtaposing yours, which he fucking loved

Then Ushijima would focus on your lips and eyes, until you notice and slowly go quiet

You'd look at him too for a split second, admiring his messy hair and sharp jaw

Until he interrupts your staring

"You're so gorgeous, (y/n)" Wakatoshi would softly say, then slowly moving in to kiss you

The work on the desk is long forgotten once you position yourself on Ushi's lap, making out like hormonal teens, his huge hands on your hips, subtly asserting his dominance over you

The more you two make out, the more desperate you both get, your hips involuntarily grinding in short ruts against your boyfriend's bulge

Ushijima maneuvers you with his hands on your hips, his eyes closed as his tongue dances with yours

Your hands on you boyfriends strong, huge chest, rutting more and more against him as small moans and whines escape your throat

"Fuck you're so hot, (y/n)... I fucking love you" Ushijima mumbles against your ear as he breaks the kiss, leaving kisses down your neck to your nape

Your arms wrap around his neck as you mumble a quick "i love you too" in between breathy, quiet moans

You're both fully hard by now, making out for a further 15 minuets, just enjoying each other's touch

Ushijima's hand is gripping your hair gently, guiding your mouth as he makes out with you

However, Ushijima notices how desperate you're getting and stands up, picking you up with him

Your legs wrap around your huge boyfriends waist , his lips still clashing against yours

He lays you on your back on his bed, not breaking contact with your lips even once

Ushijimas hands roam your body, palming your crotch and waist and thighs

Your arm hooks around you huge boyfriend's neck while your other arm reaches around Wakatoshi's back

He breaks the kiss and looks down at you, admiring your panting, disheveled state for a moment

"(Y/n)... can I eat you out?" Ushijima asks nonchalantly

"W-Woah wait aren't your parents here right now?" You ask, your boyfriend's question catching you off guard

But Ushi could tell you wanted to do it from how your dick twitched against his palm at the mention of him giving you head

"They're on the other side of the estate, don't worry about it, darling" Ushijima says with a soft look on his eyes, his fingers slipping under your waistband and slipping your bottoms and underwear down your thighs

"O-Okay then!" You sit up, looking your boyfriend in the eyes with a glimmer of excitement in yours

The brunette chuckles, fucking hell Ushijima loves you

Cut to just a few minutes later, you're a moaning, panting, whiny mess

Your legs are raised, feet flat on the bed while a pillow props your neck up just enough to watch as your boyfriend feasts on your hole

"Fuck, (y/n)! You taste incredible!" Wakatoshi grunts while looking up at you from below, his chin covered in a waterfall of his spit, his hair frizzy from your tugging and his eyes hazy with lust

You chuckle as Wakatoshi gets back to it

You watch as your boyfriend tries to subtly rut against the bed, eating you out making him incredibly hard

You pant like a bitch in heat, moaning like a porn star fir your boyfriend as he shoves his warm tongue into your hole

"Shit darling.. Mind if I do more?"

"Do.... Haaaa~ Do whatever you want, Ushi~" you say breathily

If you were loud before, fucking hell you were raising the roof now

Ushijima slicked up his long, thick fingers with his spit and started toying with you ass, spreading your hole and curling into your prostate constantly

While he was gently working you open, your boyfriend also decided to pay your twitching, touch-starved dick some attention

Your hands dart to Wakatoshi's hair, tangling your fingers in his brown locks while your boyfriend laps at your dick while he abuses your prostate

You tug at his hair as he blows you and fingers you, your moans echoing throughout the room like a porn shoot

Ushijima was loving every moment of it, your face, the noises you were making and fucking hell you taste so good

By the end of what was supposed to be a study session, you and Ushijima are laying in his bed, him laying on top of you

"Wakatoshi. You're crushing me." You murmmer

"Hm... I can't wait to call you Wakatoshi too"

"Sorry!??!?" You shout, your high-school boyfriend daydreaming about marrying you catching you off guard

"What darling? I can't fantasise about you like that?" Ushijima teases you

"Shush! We're in high-school lemme at least graduate first! Plus... who says I'm taking your name"

"My wallet is."

"Shush" you hit your boyfriend playfully

[memecatwings]

the thing about zosan is that it is mostly shipping goggles yaoi bullshit and thats fun its extremely funny however when you look past popular fanon there actually is something really interesting going on with the two of them like how zoro cant stop himself from picking on sanji when he tries to flirt with women and how sanji watching zoros fight with mihawk was a big factor in his decision to join the crew and how zoro canonically helps with washing the dishes and how they bicker with each other all the time over petty bullshit and how sanji is skilled enough with knives to fight with them if he wanted to and how they almost kissed accidentally as a bit on two different ocassions and how 3 is zoros lucky number and how they only ever call each other by stupid nicknames and how their dynamic shifts ever so slightly into something unspoken at the end of the thriller bark arc that results in something seemingly fragile between them which drives sanji to leave nami behind while theyre being hunted down by kizaru to try to protect zoro and then whatever it was that was happening there in that short frame of time gets completely forgotten about and left behind so their dynamic can be boiled down to just generic rival arguing for the next 500 episodes until the end of the wano arc when sanji asks zoro to kill him if it seems like there's something wrong about him and zoro says verbatim that he came back from hell to fulfill that promise

[icarusredwings]

The thing about Thoschei that's so funny is that these are literally all the same people, meaning technically these are all the same ship.

We have these two. Yes? We know twissy. We love twissy.

We have spy doc, yeah? We love spydoc.

We have our beloved/beloathed Simmten. Everyone loves simmten.

We even have whatever these two weirdos had going on.

BUT - Have you ever ever thought about what would happen if you mixed them up? It feels illegal (as in, 'These two specifically are a bonded pair, do not separate' joking matter), but think about the chaos implications.

Can you fucking imagine if you shoved THIS man (6) with Simm! Master? Someone's gonna regenerate. Im not sure who yet. Mel's definitely gonna scream at him, though.

"Ello dear friend do you mind coming along and-"

"Why the fuck do you look like that?"

"Like what??"

"Like a unicorn stomped on you, ate you and puked you back up!"

"You don't like it? What's wrong with it? Is it the hair?"

"Is it the?- NO YOU MORON!"

Or Missy with 9? The amount of arguments and pouting- A lot of sarcastic banter. Maybe a hissy fit. A sissy slap fight if you will because deep down he would care if she got hurt so wouldn't actually ever hit her but would say some pretty mean things.

"Fine! Then go to your room!"

"I'll do no such thing! And you can't make me!"

"Then die! See if I care!"

"Only if you let me kill you first!!"

"Try! See what happens!"

"You dare hit a lady??"

"Pft- I'd hardly call you a lady..."

Yana! Master and 13? Tinker buddies! (They're basically in a love triangle with Chantho)

Roberts! Master with 15? I have a feeling this would kinda slap. Idk why, but I just do.

"So. What so you think?"

"Oh! Sister yes!!"

"... I am neither your sibiling.. nor a woman..?"

"Its an expression babes."

"Why are you calling me such affections??"

I feel in my gut that these two would get along decently well, except this time 12 is the bad influence, not him. If anything, it would consist of 12 showing him earthling things.

"...So.. Uno.."

"Yes."

"I have to have one card left..?"

"Yes."

"...why don't I just throw away my other cards?"

"That's against the rules I think."

"Says who?"

"Says... well... says.. the rules." 💁

Dhawan! Master and 10? 10 could fix him within an episode. I'm sure of it. Hell 14 could fix him. Might take a little longer, though. Dhawan would make tea for him after they go to therapy together. Their therapist says they should work on their co-dependency, but they think she just "doesn't get their dynamic"

I think it would be really funny if we shoved 4 with missy too. Sarah Jane and her would have so much beef. It would be unreal. I do think that Dhawan would be fond of K9 the most though, and Simm would probably be the type to get jealous of a robotic dog...

[annecoulmanross]

So it's been a while. But I couldn't let James Fitzjames Finding Day pass without some celebration—thank you Doug Stenton, Stephen Fratpietro, and Robert W. Park for giving us this wonderful and terrible knowledge. I've made an emotional playlist of all of us currently experiencing whatever emotion this is:

Selected lyrics for each song included below the cut!

Strange Ships | PHILDEL

Strange ships won’t let me sail out Passed by the ice and stone now

2. I, Carrion (Icarian) | Hozier

If the wind turns, if I hit a squall Allow the ground to find its brutal way to me

3. Howling | Wild Rivers

Howling out here for the morning light I can’t sing no more

4. The Yawning Grave | Lord Huron

I tried to warn you when you were a child I told you not to get lost in the wild I sent omens and all kinds of signs I taught you melodies, poems, and rhymes

5. Sax Rohmer #1 | The Mountain Goats

Ships loose from their grins, capsize and then they’re gone Sailors with no captains watch a while and then move on

6. Long Wave | Dessa

Starve the guard dog And see what hunger does It’s easy when we’re well fed To talk of love

7. Achilles Come Down | Gang of Youths

Throw yourself into the unknown, With pace and a fury defiant Clothe yourself in beauty untold, And see life as a means to a triumph

8. Eat You Alive | The Oh Hellos

I’ve seen the true face of the things you call life The song of the siren that holds your desire Death, she is cunning and clever as hell And she’ll eat you alive

9. My Ego Dies At The End | Jensen McRae

Leave my body and my ego early Kill it kind with a surgeon’s mercy Claim I put it out of its misery

10. Who We Are | Hozier

Darling, we sacrificed We gave our time to something undefined This phantom life sharpens like an image But it sharpens like a knife

11. Devourer | Aidoneus

Beams of light, show me how to feel Light the gloam, find my Achilles heel I will welcome my mortality—let me go

12. Sound the Bells | Dessa

Go lift your sails up For one last swell Go lift yourselves up To sound the bells

13. Your Bones | Of Monsters and Men

Said goodbye to you my friend As the fire spread All that’s left are your bones That will soon sink like stones

14. Wildflower and Barley | Hozier, Allison Russell

This year, I swear it will be buried in actions This year, I swear it will be buried in words Some close to the surface, some close to the casket I feel as useful as dirt, put my body to work

15. These Bones | Azrai, Momo O’brien

It’s a savage sea we’re made to roam Every tide can turn to haunt us But the ocean reaches past these ghosts And I will always sail for more

16. By Way Of Sorrow | Cry Cry Cry

You have come by way of sorrow You have come by way of tears You’ll reach your destiny Meant to find you all these years

17. Gracestone | PHILDEL

When I open my final door I’m gonna sail much wilder seas than your ships were built for I’m turning into dust across that cove You know, I have known enough to not feel owed

18. Glowing | The Oh Hellos

You’ll rise, like land, pulled up at the sound of some strange commandment A moon alight, reflecting fully And I guess it would feel like rebirth, out of some kind of dying To see yourself so glowing

[edgeray]

hi, ray 💟

remember that siren!arle and pirate!reader idea? consider:

siren!arlecchino who preys on pirates lost at sea (not by coincidence, i fear). she doesn't enjoy them much, especially the men. then, she spots you. she's never seen such a pretty little pirate before! she must have you.

of course, she's fortunate enough that you're one of the ones who sits alone on the deck at night, foolishly stargazing while everyone else is tucked away in their beds.

she sings to you, calling you to her, trying to reel you in, only to find it isn't working. you seem to hear her, looking for the singer of the melody, but you're not quite entranced.

she keeps trying, only to eventually be spotted by you. she's... a little embarrassed, to say the least.

whatever else happens is up to you, or feel free to totally change the plot! ♡

The Sea's Calling

(Arlecchino x Fem! Reader)

A/N - Hi aris!!! Ty for the ask, and for being my first! <333 love you. I hope you like this one. Since it's my first ask, I'm a bit nervous. Is this semi-One Piece-inspired? Perchance. Wasn't sure if you wanted fem! or gn! reader, but considering your writing I chose fem! reader, though I tried to not reference reader as female as much as possible. I kind of didn't know what to do after they met, so I threw in some not so good dialogue :(. It is also 02:00 as I am writing this, and I'm supposed to wake up at 06:00. Quality dropped at the end because I am tired. This was not a good idea doing this tonight but whatever. Content warnings / info - implied fem! reader, monster x human, arle is ooc because she's a siren, 1.7k words 

You had always thought that the sea was calling out for you; it's been your dream since you were young–to explore the vast ocean that this world had to offer, to be surrounded by nothing but the comforting waves, to be free. Being a pirate allowed you to fulfill your dreams. You went on all the adventures you wanted, stole whatever the hell you wanted, and all while doing that with your crew, who cherished each other, you included, like no other. Yes, you've longed for the ocean, and you'd like to think that the ocean was always trying to draw you in. 

Still, when you meant that the sea was calling out for you, you meant in a figurative sense. Not in a literal sense. Though if this was the kind of sign the ocean was giving you, you might as well jump the ship. 

—

Pretty gems came far and few in Arlecchino's eyes. Humans, lost at sea and lured in by her voice, were easy meals. She was rarely picky with her meals, sustenance was sustenance, she supposes, but still she finds it disappointing the lack of humans that were easy on her eyes. The seas were infested with brutish and crude-looking humans, particularly among the males. It is a shame that it's been a good while since she's seen a human female, with their fair bodies and their soft features– a suitable mate for her. 

She wanders the sea again, not especially hungry, but if she finds a meal or two, she wouldn't have to find another for a few more days. Traveling through the waters, sniffing for the faint and familiar scent of human musk, she finds a ship soon, to her mild delight. She approaches the ship, it being smaller than most ships that wander this part of the ocean, but no matter. She is sure that she'd be able to snag at least one human tonight–there is bound to be one that is awake? 

Peeking her head above the water, she observes the deck of the ship for any humans yet to have slumbered. Humans in slumber were always hard to lure in, but possible. Her eyes gleam when she spots a lone figure on the surface of the deck. It seems like tonight's hunt would prove to be easy. Nearing closer, however, the smell that comes from this figure is distinct to the usual humans she encounters. Though still reeking of the musk that all humans contain, the human contains a refreshing fauna smell and lacks the liquor aroma that most males contain. Curious, she nears the ship more until she can observe the distinct features of the human that sits so carelessly on the edge of their ship.

Her cold heart thumps like never before when she finally spots you, and oh, how she pauses in utter awe. A human whose beauty far surpasses that of any ivory pearl or glittering gold. Has there ever been a human more majestic than you? She would dismiss any notion of a human achieving flawlessness, but yet here you are, shredding her previous foolish thoughts. How do you attain such, so effortlessly? Oh, how fortunate for her to have decided to roam the sea tonight, for the ocean to have given her the most perfect mate in waiting. She must have you, no human male could ever treasure you like she can. She would give you the sea, if it made you hers. 

And so she sings, her sweet song carrying into your ears like a gracious invite. She hopes for you to accept.  

— 

The stars are beautiful, you often think to yourself. It is another reason why you love being out in the sea. Directly underneath the stars, sometimes you feel that you're close enough to reach out and touch them. Little dancing specks of lights were all they were to you, and yet you were entranced each time. The stars and constellations have become one of your closest companions, always twinkling down on you regardless if you were facing soothing waves or warring riptides. Like so many nights before, you find yourself perched on one of the railings of the ship, simply gazing up, observing the midnight canvas that spans above you. 

Is there something more beautiful than stars? 

You find your answer that night when you hear a voice, melodic and sweet sounding, sugarier than any honey-coated treat. It piques you, as you know from the sound's direction it does not come from inside your ship, but beyond–somewhere in the waters. You'd imagine it's what people would describe as a voice from the heavens, because a light song fills the air, nearly entrancing you, however you're too busy searching the source of the sound for the intended effect to be inflicted on you. Instead of impelling your body to go overboard, you whip your head around, still seeking for the singer. 

You've heard of instances like these. You've heard of the warnings: if you hear a beautiful song coming from the waters, you cover your ears and ignore it as much as possible. Though, many say that once you hear them, it is much too late for you. The fates of those who had fell for those voices, you know of them too well, and you intend not to share the same fate. You've heard that among those that were able to escape a siren's call, they're easily dissuaded after one song. All you had to do was to ignore the voice until the song's end. 

The song ends soon after. You pay no mind as silence fills the void, just the sound of waves and the whistles of the wind as your company. But then, another song, the same one. After the second repeat, it starts again, and after that, another.

Were sirens this persistent? You've never heard of one this stubborn. But it is thanks to these songs that you're finally able to pinpoint the origins, and your eyes catch the slight glint of scales in the moonlight, and then the head of ivory hair. A pale face peaks from the water's currents, along with the tip of something–a tail, you discern. You gasp slightly once crimson-pupils land on yours, but then the head sinks down, like a shy animal having been caught. 

Adorable. Was this an unfitting description of what was most likely a siren? You disregarded that very thought, instead, opting to wondering why this siren wanted your attention so much. After all, you should give her the respect of your acknowledgement of her existence after four songs. 

Perhaps you were an idiot. Perhaps you were just heading straight to a gruesome death. But had those things stopped you previously, you would have never been out here, never would have been a pirate. Foolish curiosity may be the death of you, but not tonight. And so, like a pirate in search of their treasure, you take to the seas; in this case, literally into the sea. You let yourself lean backwards on the railing, arms outstretched by your side as you freefall into the sea. 

Surely, if the siren wanted you so badly, then she would save you, wouldn't she? 

The icy waters greet your form, and you shiver. Your breath is stolen away, and it is only you start sinking that you start to question your choice. You stare up, with only the moonlight reflecting off the water, your source of life and you instinctively reach out towards it. Your eyes burn from the brine, so you close your eyes, trying to combat the swallowing waves as you futilely flail your arms. 

Something moves in the water, and before you know it, a weight presses against your chest, something distinctly cold and what you imagine scales to feel like, and something else slides underneath your arms, the texture much like human skin. You feel your body begin to rise, until the sudden rush of oxygen barrages at you, and you greedily inhale the air with heaving breaths, while coughing out the sea water from your throat. Once you're done hacking up your lungs, you crack open an eye, greeted with the same gorgeous face you saw earlier. 

“You're beautiful…” The both of you say at the same time, and you feel your ears burn from the compliment. Her voice, deep and resounding, rings through your ears. Meanwhile, her expression visibly brightens, akin to the stars you adore so much. 

“Y-you won't eat me, right?” You ask hesitantly, and to your relief, she shakes her head no. She pulls you closer, before nuzzling her face into the crook of your neck. The arms wrapped around your figure tightens, and so does the tail around your legs. 

“No. Want to be my mate.” She says bluntly, and you feel sharp fangs prick your skin. You gasp, and she pulls her mouth away, deciding to lick your neck as a quick apology. 

“Why me?” 

“Pretty human. But stupid.” 

“Hey!” You exclaim out of feigned annoyance, but then she purrs into your neck, the noise vibrating through your body. Sirens purr? That is adorable. “What does being a mate mean?”

“You are with me, forever. I feed you, protect you, love you, always. Mine, forever.”

A tempting offer, truly, especially with the way her clawed hands grip your sides so tenderly and the way she looks at you like you are her sun.

“But what about my companions?”

“You do not need them.” 

“I do,” you assert, and her face falls. It's like being stabbed in the heart, seeing her expression like that. You raise both of your hands and cup her face. 

“I want you,” she says, with as much of a whine as a siren can possibly make. It is cute, a mix between a cry and a groan. 

“I need them too.” 

“I am not enough?” 

“I want to be free. I don't want to stay in one place.” 

“Then I will follow,” the siren asserts, her red pupils ablaze with determination. It is as simple as that, apparently. “Can I?” 

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay,” you affirm with a nod. “Don't eat them either. Then I'll be yours.” 

The siren nods, purring again. “My pretty human. Mine?”

You smile. “Yours.” 

Salty lips are brought against yours and you've never been more elated–here is the freest you've ever felt. 

[starcurtain]

I wish everyone collectively understood aventurine’s character like you…things would be so much easier! I genuinely don’t understand how people keep getting his motivations wrong??? Could it be because some of the most popular Aven fanfics were written prior to his release? That could have contributed to some of the takes we tend to see about him…thoughts?

I struggled all day to come up with a concise way to answer this and couldn't think of one, so here, have a long-winded ramble:

I don't think early fic writers have much impact in the situation with Aventurine's character now, since most people can look at when a story was posted and go "Oh, this was before we had ____ information."

I think that Aventurine's problem is being a male character in a gacha game. Gacha game characters are designed to sell. Hoyo can sell female characters very, very easily. Give her huge tits and a visible underwear strap and you're good to go. I love all my guy friends, but I'm not gonna sugarcoat it: straight men are not the hardest audience to please. Hit a particular fetish (feet, spandex, dommy mommy), and you're gucci.

Nah, we all know why Jade's trailer is Like That.™

Male characters in gacha are harder to sell because women as consumers are a little harder to predict. Does every woman want a tall, ripped hunk? Shit, no, small cute boyish models like Aventurine are selling better now? Why?! Would a bad boy be more popular than a nice guy??? It's harder to account for women's tastes, especially because they are often (a little) less visually-oriented.

Hoyo is good at what they do though, and they've figured out that male characters sell very well when they possess at least one of two specific traits:

Endearing vulnerability/helplessness

Gay ship tease

Give a character both, like Aventurine? They might as well be printing money.

That sound you hear is Hoyo's stock prices rising.

So, from the very beginning, Hoyo is incentivized to create a character that appeals to people, a character people will want to crack their wallets open for. And they achieved this, first and foremost, by giving Aventurine traits that female players (in particular, but men too), find especially appealing: emotional and physical vulnerability.

We see Aventurine's pain. We sympathize with his grief. We identify with his struggle to make meaning of his difficult life. He's our woobie, blorbo, babygirl, whatever the hell they're calling it now.

He can't hide his suffering anymore. He's on the very edge. He's a dude in distress. He's surrounded by enemies! He misses his mama! He's been betrayed! No one understands him like you do, dear player!

The ultimate feeling evoked is: He needs to be saved.

When people talk about male power fantasies, I think they forget that women can experience them too, and "Emotionally vulnerable man that only I (or my favorite character) can fix" is actually a female power fantasy.

And from there it's really easy, right: the people who shell out cash to buy warps for their harmed-husbando feel like they've saved him; the people who are into mlm ships look for the nearest hot dude to be the savior Ratio was waiting for his time lol.

Morally and intellectually, this type of deep-down-golden-hearted, emotionally-wounded male character is very easy to digest. There is nothing to dislike about this type of character or role in the story: this character is a good guy who has just gone through so many terrible situations, whose victim status makes him endearing, and whose lack of agency means that any of the questionable or downright bad things he does are always the result of someone else forcing his hand, and never something he would have chosen himself.

His motivations are always clear and consistent: get free, heal, and live happily ever after.

Insert the Wreck-It Ralph meme: "Do people assume all your problems got solved when a big strong man showed up?" But to be fair, a big strong man did kind of solve Aventurine's problem, so--

Anyway, it's simple. It's straightforward. Morally, it's pretty cut and dry, black and white: Aventurine is our hero, which means everyone dictating the course of his miserable life is evil.

Hoyo is not remotely discouraging people from literally buying into this emotional appeal.

And trust me, I get it. I'll be the first to admit that hurt-comfort is its own entire genre in fandom because it is so appealing. People eat up Aventurine's tragic backstory like candy! The idea of watching a character go through hell at the hands of bad guys just to finally find a happy end is like the definition of everyone's favorite story.

In fact... people love Aventurine's suffering so much, they have invented whole new ways for him to suffer that aren't even in the game.

This is where we get all the headcanons that Aventurine was a sex slave, every single person he meets hates him because of his race, the Stonehearts are executioners holding knives to his throat, Jade enslaved him to the IPC with a lifelong contract, his material possessions belong to the company, the IPC is forcing him to take only the most dangerous missions where he is being required by his evil jailers to continually put his life on the line... You name it and I promise you, I can find a fanfic where Aventurine suffers from it. 😂

Bro can't even sleep in on his day off; life is so hard for this man.

Being serious: if the game is telling us that Aventurine is a victim... Why not make him the perfect victim?

Why not envision an Aventurine with no freedom, who bears no responsibility for any of the horrible situations he is in or any of the dubious things he does?

It's so natural to like that version of Aventurine, so appealing to see a totally powerless underdog use his own wits and charms to claw his way up to freedom. Or, if you're the kind who really relishes angst: It's even appealing to see Aventurine lose more. To delight in fics where he loses his wealth, where the IPC punishes him for past crimes while he's powerless to stop them... (I assure you, this is many people's cup of tea and the fanfics prove it!)

Ultimately, there's nothing wrong with liking characters who are exactly this straightforward! It's completely fine to embrace characters that are intentionally written to be morally above-board, whose primary role in the story is to generate angst by being a good person who suffers, or those characters who never show unlikable traits, bad decisions, or contradictory actions.

The problem is that that's just not who the game is telling us Aventurine is.

Hoyo may be capitalizing off people who love to envision poor Aventurine still living his life as a slave... But the game also needs to tell a complicated enough story overall to appeal to people who don't care about this specific husbando--Aventurine's role in the actual game's plot has to be interesting enough for almost everyone to appreciate it, not just Aventurine's simp squad. (Don't get mad, I'm in the simp squad with you.)

So his character doesn't stop at just being a pure-hearted victim who is still waiting to be saved.

Aventurine is not that easy to label, and I think the biggest struggle in this character's fandom right now is between people who prefer the even-more-angsty, still-a-slave Aventurine versus people who want a morally grey, self-destructive character instead.

To me personally, while I greatly understand the appeal of fanon!Aventurine and the joy of a really juicy angst fic where characters lose it all, I think that missing out on the depth that canon is suggesting would be a real loss on the fandom's part.

The character motivations that Aventurine shows in the game are complicated. They cancel each other out. They're basically self-harm! He makes almost every situation he's in worse for himself--on purpose.

He is a good person, but also a person who has done unspeakable things. He does have morals, but he's not above allowing those who don't have them to use him to their advantage.

He's both the victim and the victor. He's his own worst enemy. He's a lost little boy who's been making terrible decisions for himself since he was like eight years old, and a grown ass man who is barely managing to fake his way through an existence that destiny is not letting him quit.

This kind of character is a lot harder to embrace. He's done things that most people would find appalling--like willingly joining up with the organization that let his entire race be massacred. He's invented a whole new peacock persona to frivolously flaunt riches he doesn't even care about (Poison Dart Frog Self-Defense 101). He actively plays into racist stereotypes about his people to manipulate others through their preconceived expectations. He's made a mockery of his mother's and sister's hopes and dreams by endlessly trying to throw his own life away.

He has flaws! He bet everything he had on a ploy without doing his homework to find out if the people he was risking his life for were even still around. (Maybe he already knew, and couldn't bear to admit it, even to himself.) He's intentionally off-putting and obnoxious to everyone he meets (Poison Dart Frog Self-Defense 102). He terrifies everyone who gets close to him by (seemingly) carelessly throwing himself into the jaws of death without the slightest provocation.

He knowingly allows the IPC to exploit his power and talents for profit. Did everyone forget that his role in the Strategic Investment Department is asset liquidation?! Like, his actual day-to-day job is ruining people's lives. Canonically, Aventurine kills people when his deals go bad.

His motivations change off-screen in two lines of story text. We're told in one line that his biggest reason for joining the IPC was to make money to save the Avgin, then in the next line we find out that's impossible. And... then what? What motivations does he even have now? The whole point of his character arc from 2.0-2.1 is that he was on the edge of giving in to utter despair and nihilism because he couldn't even perceive a single reason to stay alive. He has no purpose in life before Penacony, and that didn't start with the Stonehearts at all??

People keep saying Aventurine was held in the IPC by golden handcuffs, but how do you tie down someone for whom profit is meaningless? What can you offer to a man whose only desire is to bring back something already lost forever? How do you imprison someone whose only definition of freedom is, canonically, death?

Working for the Stonehearts is obviously not healthy. But that's why Aventurine was doing it--because taking dangerous missions allowed him to put himself at risk. The job that he originally pursued hoping to save his people became a direct means to self-harm, and the IPC's only real role in that was just happily profiting off the results.

The journal entries for Aventurine's quests are there deliberately to tell the player what is on his mind, and none of it has to do with escaping from his job:

Like... Work is the least of this man's problems.

At really the risk of rambling on too long now, he's also just a massive walking contradiction:

Aventurine is among the most explicitly religious characters in the game, yet he's one of the only people in the entire game that we have ever seen actively question his people's aeon.

You might be tempted to think Aventurine's risky gambles with his life as an adult are a result of giving up after finding out about the Avgin massacre... Butttt no, Hoyo makes sure to tell us that even at knee-high in the Sigonian desert, Kakavasha was already willing to risk himself in a fight to the death against monsters because even back then he found his own life to have less value than a single memento.

He's the "chosen one" who will lead his people to prosperity... except they're all dead.

He's explicitly suicidal... andddd also a pathstrider of Preservation.

He wants to die... He doesn't want to die. He wants to make it end, yet goes to staggering lengths to continually survive. (Every plan risks his life on purpose--but every plan's win condition is also to live.) He life is the chip tossed down, but his hand is trembling beneath the table. When faced with an otherwise unsurvivable situation, Aventurine literally became a winner of the Hunger Games. He beat other innocent people to death with his own chain-bound hands just to come out alive.

He knows the IPC failed the Avgin and left them to die... and he still willingly sought out a position of power in their organization. Maybe he really is after revenge... but maybe not.

He starts his journey in the IPC with a truly noble goal in mind: to help his people using his newfound wealth and power. He's a good guy who did genuinely want to save the Avgin and repay all those who helped him. But once it became clear he was too late, once it was obvious he would have no use at all for that monetary wealth and power he risked his life to get... What did he do with it? Unlike Jade, we don't see him over here donating to orphanages. (I'm not that heartless; I'm sure he does actually do a lot of good things with his money on the side, but the point is that the game does not show us that--it shows us, over and over again, Aventurine putting on a wasteful, over-indulgent persona toward wealth. We've supposed to feel how meaningless money is to him, how meaningless everything is becoming to him.)

He outright refuses to use underhanded tactics or to cheat at gambles, which is meant to show us that's he's more morally upright than his coworkers. There's an entire exchange where he says that he'll never stoop to using manipulation the way Opal does. But... he doesn't have any issue fulfilling Opal's exact agenda. He was never remotely morally conflicted about denying the Penaconians their freedom by dragging Penacony back under IPC control.

He's willing to risk his own life, which is one thing--but he's also willing to risk other people's well-being. Topaz accuses him of constantly egging their clients on into dangerous situations; we've actively seen him shove a gun into Ratio's hands and pull the trigger with no care for how Ratio would feel about that on their very first meeting... Dragging the Astral Express crew into the entire Penacony plan in the first place was exceedingly dangerous...

To me, I just think it's vital to understand his character through the lens of these contradictions because they demonstrate the extreme polarity of Aventurine's life: from rags to riches, from powerless to empowered by multiple aeons, from willing to kill to survive to killing himself... He has quite literally lived a life of "all or nothing," and while he is the victim of many terrible situations out of his control, his arc as a character involves facing the truth of himself and the future his own actions are hurtling him toward.

Frankly, the Aventurine that canon is suggesting is a little annoying. You want to grab him by the shoulders, shake him, and say "Why are you like this?!" And he won't even have an answer for you, because he doesn't even know why he's still alive.

In the end, to me, this is so, so much more interesting. I can read an endless supply of hurt-comfort fics where Aventurine escapes the evil IPC and Ratio is there to fill the void in his life with the power of love and catcakes and be a perfectly happy clam online, but I want canon to continue to serve us this incredible mess of a man who constantly takes one step forward and two steps back.

Who is fully aware of his role as a cog in the grotesque profit-wheel of cosmic capitalism and still manages to say he never changed from the rags-wearing desert rat of the Sigonian wastes.

Who over and over again flirts with nihility but, ultimately, even if he has to wrest it from the grip of the gods themselves with bloody, chain-bound hands, chooses life.

[sweetyyhippyy]

Diner Girl. Eddie Munson x Fem! Reader. *Fluff*

Summary: Eddie stops by a diner after a gig at The Hideout. His waitress catches his eye and he's head over heels immediately.

Word Count: 1.9k

TW: Eddie being in love and flirty. Reader has one very specific description of having a dimple. Mentions of food and eating. Reader is witty and just as flirty as Eddie. Eddie being a total music snob. Love sick idiots.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eddie felt like he was going to knock out any minute. All of the adrenaline from performing at The Hideout tonight was wearing out, and he needed some sort of fuel fast, there was no way he was going to make it back home without falling asleep at the wheel. 

He knew of a little dinky diner on the way back to the trailer park, Sunny’s Diner, that would be open at this hour. 

The entire diner was empty other than a few of the workers back in the kitchen and a waitress cleaning one of the tables. Shitty disco music blasting from the jukebox in the front of the restaurant. 

“Be with you in a second, honey!” A girl calls out from across the diner, quickly looking up to acknowledge him but looking back down quickly to go back to cleaning. “Take a seat wherever.” 

Eddie slides into a booth at the front of the restaurant, grabbing the menu from the holder and scanning through it while he decides if he wanted waffles or a burger. 

“Hi there, I’ll be your waitress for the night. Is there anything that I can get you right now, hon?” 

Eddie looks up at the girl standing by him quickly, doing a double take once he saw how cute she was. “Uh, um.” He fumbles with the menu as he stares at her with, what he had no doubt, the stupidest look on his face. 

She huffs out a small laugh. “Do you need a second?” 

“No, no. Um, can I just get a coffee for now, please?” He smiles up at her, all of his teeth showing. 

“Coffee hasn’t been fresh in hours, you sure?” She raises a worrisome eyebrow at him. 

“Yeah it’ll be fine. Nothing that some sugar can’t fix.” Eddie watches as she walks away toward the kitchen, the cute little yellow uniform she was wearing catching his eye because of how nice her legs looked. 

She had the cutest smile he had seen, a deep dimple on the left side of her face. Her hair covered her nametag and she hadn’t introduced herself when she walked up to take his order, so he had no idea what her name was, but whatever it was, he was sure it was as cute as she was. 

A plain white coffee cup appears in front of him, waking him from his train of thought. 

“Sugar is there in that little container. Do you want any creamer or anything?” 

“No, that's okay. But I’m ready to order. Would you recommend the waffle breakfast plate or the cheeseburger?” He tries his best to sound smooth and suave. 

She grimaces, biting back a smile. “Not going to lie, those hamburger patties are frozen, and probably have been since 1955.” She giggles. “Don’t tell anyone I told you that though.” She whispers to him.

Eddie laughs back, nodding his head and folds his menu back up. “Waffle breakfast plate it is then. Unless those waffles are from 1955 too, then we might have some issues.” 

She finishes writing on her notepad, that cute little dimple showing. “No, the waffles are a lot better. We got those shipped back in ‘72. A lot more fresh.” She jokes before walking away again. 

Eddie’s heart was fluttering in his chest, her eyes were just as sweet as the rest of her face and her voice. He absentmindedly reaches for the sugar packets on the other side of the table, taking 3 of the pink packets and sprinkling the sugar into the cup. 

His mind was swimming with ideas on how he was going to ask her for her number, hoping by whatever higher power there was out there that she was interested in him. And hoping that she was single, although there was going to be no way in hell that someone as beautiful and sweet as her wouldn’t have someone at home waiting for her. 

He takes a big swig from the cup, immediately gagging on the stale coffee and spitting it back out into the cup. “Fucking christ.” 

From the counter he hears a loud giggle. He turns to look at the source of the laugh, finding the cute waitress hiding her smile behind her hand and a fit of giggles coming from her. 

Eddie grabs the napkin from the table, wiping his mouth off. “Oh, is that funny to you? What kind of poison did you put in that cup?” 

She comes from behind the counter, a steaming pot of newly brewed coffee in her hand. “I told you the pot hadn’t been fresh in hours. Not many people come in here after 8pm wanting coffee.” She swaps his tainted cup out for a new one, pouring new coffee into it. “Most people are sleeping at this hour.” 

“Did you make that new pot just for me?” Eddie winks at her, getting more sugar packets and sprinkling them in. 

She rolls her eyes at him, biting a smirk back. “Actually, I wanted some coffee too. I still have 3 more hours at this place and I need something to keep me awake.” 

“You mean all these customers in here aren’t enough to keep you busy? Shit, you’re swimming right now.” He fidgets with the handle of the cup the longer she looks at him, feeling nerves in his stomach. 

“A comedian.” She teases, making herself laugh. “I’m going to go check on your food, I’ll be right back.” She smiles again. 

Eddie blows out a breath, rubbing his cheeks. He hadn’t felt this way about a girl in years, someone who was sweet, but could banter back with him and take a joke. He watches her at the pickup window, unintelligibly talking with the cook on the other side. 

He had already planned in his head where he wanted to take her on their first date, that he would try to hold her hand - if she would let him. 

“A waffle breakfast plate. I sweet talked the chef into putting some chocolate chips on top.” 

“Oh, thank you.” He smirks at her. “You know, these waffles are huge, I might not be able to finish all of this by myself. Why don’t you sit with me and have a bite to eat? Maybe I can get to know you better?” 

“Wow.” She laughs, shaking her head. “Does this whole cute puppy dog eyes and sweet smile thing usually work for you?” 

“I don’t know, you let me know. Is it working?” 

She stands next to the table for a few seconds before finally sliding in across from him. “Might have worked a little bit.” She responds, taking one of his forks and picking at one of the strawberries on the plate and popping it in her mouth. 

Eddie drops his jaw dramatically, pretending to be shocked. “Hey! I wanted that one.” Eddie jokes.

***

“Don’t be a snob!” She laughs loudly. “Saturday Night Fever wasn’t a bad movie!” 

Eddie rolls his eyes sarcastically before groaning. “Oh, please! The soundtrack alone was god awful. Add John Travolta in those ugly ass white bell bottoms.” He fake gags.

“You’re telling me you weren’t down with the disco fever? The Bee Gees? Earth, Wind, and Fire? Donna Summer?! Come on Donna Summer is a legend already. You never watched Soul Train?” 

“Oh my god I should walk out of here right now.” He jokes. “You haven’t heard real music have you? Van Halen, Judas Priest, Skid Row, and the god of music himself, Ozzy Osborne. That’s real music sweetheart.” Eddie says matter of factly. 

“Well Mr. Headbanger’s Bash, you’ll have to show me real music then since I’m so uneducated.” 

Eddie all but jumped out of his seat at her bringing up seeing him again. 

She turns her wrist to look at her watch, her face turning down. “My manager will be here in 10 minutes and will kill me if I’m sitting down eating with a customer. I gotta start cleaning up.” 

“Oh. Well, do you get off soon then? Maybe I can give you a ride home, if you don’t have one?” 

As she slides out of the booth, she smirks at him. “How do I know you’re not a serial killer?” 

“Does this look like the face of a serial killer?” Eddie puts in his best smile for her, batting his dark eyelashes at her.

Her eyes roll in the back of her head at his cheesy line. “My car is parked in the parking lot. You can walk me to my car. I’ll come find you when I’m off.” 

Eddie practically melts into the booth, his cheeks getting hot and flutters in his stomach. 

*** 

“Alright, you Eddie Van Halen lookalike, you wanna walk me to my car?” 

Eddie snorts out a laugh as he slides out of the booth. “Ah, so you do know Van Halen? You do have taste.” He follows her out the door, shivering when the crisp fall breeze hits his face. 

"Yeah, Van Halen is hot.” She says purposely, hoping he got the hint. “So I have to ask you, you spent 4 hours drinking shitty coffee and eating waffles that came from a box. Our food and coffee aren’t that good, so what do you really want?” 

“I think you know the answer to that question.” Eddie says shyly. 

“No, no because I’ve been wrong about this type of thing before. Men come in flirting with me in hopes they don’t have to pay for their food. I want to be sure. I’m not falling for a pair of pretty eyes again.”

"She thinks I have pretty eyes." Eddie thinks to himself.

They walk up to her beat up black car, both of them leaning against the side of it.  

“I want to take you on a date, if you’re interested. I think you’re beautiful, you’re funny. I want to get to know you more.” Eddie’s confidence is long gone from his body. It was like he was 14 again and asking a girl out for the first time.

She leans forward and kisses his cheek softly, internally giggling like a little girl that she had the guts to kiss him. 

It took everything in Eddie not to melt onto the parking lot asphalt at the peck on his cheek. “I’ll uh, take it you’re interested.” 

“Very interested.” She digs into the pocket of her apron and pulls out a piece of paper. “I’m expecting to hear from you by the time I have to come back to this dump tonight… But not before noon, I need to sleep.” She smirks to him.

Eddie unfolds the paper, seeing her phone number and address scribbled on one of the ticket she takes orders on.  

“Yeah, I promise. I’ll call you. Scouts honor.” He holds up his hand, giving her the Vulcan hand gesture. 

She furrows her brows at him, confused by the hand gesture. “You know that… you know what, never mind.” She shakes her head at him,  grabbing her keys from her purse. “You’re lucky you’re cute.” She slides her key into her car, unlocking it. 

Eddie reaches for the door handle and opens it for her, pulling the door back to let her in. “Ma’am.” He says with his thickest southern accent he could muster up.

She gets into her car, throwing her bag into the passenger side. “Well I’ll be waiting for your call then Van Halen.” 

Eddie gently shuts her door, stepping back while she pulls out of her parking spot, giving him a small wave before she drives off. 

“Holy shit.” Eddie laughs in disbelief that she was actually interested in him. He looks at the paper in his hand, pink ink scribbled onto the paper with the words:

Thank you for actually being sweet and making me laugh all night. I can’t wait to show you disco isn’t as bad as you think. xoxo ♡

[thebomb-thebird-andtheburntbitch]

HiHIHI HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A GOOD DAY JUST WANTED TO SAY I LOVE YOUR WORKS

I just binge read every single one of your Boothill fics and they all got me kicking my feet and everything!! I love how you write him and Ore is so cute I could actually explode 💥💥💥

Take your time or you can choose to ignore but can I have a request of Ore going missing (it's very small if I recall, so I kinda imagine it getting stuck under the couch or something) and just Boothill helping to look for it? TYSM IF YOU DO!

thank you so much for reading and enjoying my content!! I honestly dont know if i'll ever be able to write a boothill fic without making the reader some sort of mechanic. i may just stop breathing if i try- you can pry mechanic reader out of my cold dead hands

[1k w.count]

but just imagine, boothill isn't even on planet. he's off somewhere else when his phone starts pinging like nuts. back to back messages and before his text-to-voice can kick in, it starts blaring with phone calls.

"dadgummit..! who in the-" boothill huffs and puff as he fishes his phone from the space beside him where he had left it charging. his irritation all but simmered down when he saw your contact name flash across his screen.

...sugar is calling...

one his brows quirk up and he almost frowns at the incoming call. the hell is this? you never call him. like ever. you dont really call anyone really- more of a messaging kindof person. not to say he wasn't thrilled to hear from you though.

"is blowin' up my phone a new hobby of yours or somethin'?" boothill doesn't bother with a hello when he answers. neither do you.

"i can't find it!" you screech into the receiver. the feedback from the call's inital pick up and your yelling has the cowboy pulling his phone from his ear with a wince. beside the feedback shot into his eardrum, the sound of something metal being... knocked over...? also enters his head.

"sugar, you know i aint got a clue what you're talkin' about. i'm not in your star system right now," boothill tries to reason. you sound pretty distressed all things considered. so, he should at least hear you out. if all else, he can turn this ship around and speed it back to you.

he hears you whine; a whine that soon escalates into a full-on frustrated groan. oh. you were definitely upset about something. the only other times he's heard you like this is when a project isn't working out at any angle at all and you're one step away from throwing it out the window.

"it's ore." your voice is muffled behind your hand as you speak. "i lost it." you sound so pitiful as you confess your shame in losing the small robot companion boothill had brought back for you a while ago now. "i took my eyes off it for two seconds- and it was just... gone!" ore was so small; it should be common knowledge that the robot can hide just about anywhere it can squeeze itself into- but it usually trails around after you like a lost puppy! so, you've gotten sloppy at keeping an eye on it.

"you're blowin' up my phone because you lost track of your lil' assistant robot?" on one hand, boothill feels a little flattered that you feel like you can call him for stuff like this. the stuff that isn't really life threatening or to only deliver horribly, dire news. just something that's more or less inconvenient. on the other? he's almost annoyed because what if he was in the middle of a bounty? he isn't... but what if.

eh, whatever, he wouldn't be mad even if that were the case.

"look," boothill swallows back a chuckle and forces out a sigh, "i'm sure it ain't far. lil' guy never wanders off too far from you. just sit tight and it'll right back come to you."

"but what if it doesn't? what if ore's like lost-lost. like super lost? i can't just-"

"sugar," boothill interrupts you. "remind me again who programmed it?"

theres a beat of silence. "me."

"uh-huh, that's right. and didn't that very same you also program him with the maps of locations you frequent, like your shop?"

"i did."

"and why's that, sugar?" boothill has taken to plopping himself down in one of the chairs in his ship. luckily the spacecraft has an auto-pilot function as well as a cruise function when he was preoccupied- like now- or when he wasn't on an active job. there's a smirk on his face. he wonders if you can hear it through your slight panic.

"so that if it got lost... it'd know the way back."

"bingo," boothill snaps his free fingers together. "so, just calm down."

the phone call lasts not too much longer. a few more worried words from you, as well as a slight pout that you had lost what he had given you which almost made his systems overheat. with a few more reassurances that ore would make its way back to your loving palms sooner than you'd think, the call ends.

the galaxy ranger laughs when he finally see's just how many messages you spammed him with before deciding to just call him. there was wayyy too many. he wishes he was more tech-smart so he could screenshot the damage and send it to you as a tease.

still, despite the absurdity of it all, boothill was glad you called. even though you were frantic, he was happy to hear your voice. then he huffs and deflates in his chair, knees spread apart and back slouched low against the back. if he still had human bones, his spine would surley disapprove of such a position.

now he just misses you. dammit.

two system hours later, his phone pings. another message from you with a picture attatched.

[sugar]: he crawled up under the workshop sofa and got stuck in a spring. i finally heard him beeping after i stopped tossing things around [image attached] [sugar]: might install a tracking program

boothill chuckles softly as he looks at the photo of you. soot and oil splotch on your nose and cheeks from whatever you were tinkering with that day. your googles were around your neck and he was glad to see you were still using them as you should be. on your shoulder was ore. hooked into its safety carabiner and using its little, metal arms to hug to your cheek. its digital expression was scrunched up with fake, pixeled tears.

damn. boothill really wishes he was more tech-savvy now. i mean come one! what kind of cyborg can be nearly all robot, know how to steer and command a spaceship and still not know how to change a phone's background!

next time he's by the express, he'll have to ask dan heng.

[allastoredeer]

Hello, don't mind me, I just need to vent for a second.

First off, I just wanna say, as an aroace person on the ace-spectrum, feel free to ship Alastor all you want. Ship him with anyone. Have fun with it. Sex repulsed. Non-sex repulsed. Grey-ace. Demisexual. Pure unadulterated smut. Whatever, have at it. I love that shit.

Just please do it without infantilizing ace-aro people.

The amount of art, fics, and takes I've come across that's so patronizing to Alastor and his sexuality. Thing's like Alastor venting to Rosie about his feelings for a character with the caption "Alastor feeling love for the first time." Or Alastor wanting to have sex with a character and having feelings about that, and someone commenting "That's called a boner, sweetheart. That means you like them 🤭"

Like??? Like do ya'll not see how patronizing that sounds? Being ace-aro doesn't mean you don't know your own body. It doesn't mean you don't understand the functions of your body.

It doesn't mean you've never experienced intense emotions. It doesn't mean you've never experienced love before.

And, look, I know these are meant to be jokes. I know. People are joking. I laughed at the first few I came across, too. It's not meant to be harmful or condescending; no one means it that way. But there's been so much with such...bad takes recently, and I don't know about any other ace-spec people (I don't speak for all ace-specs. Hell, there are probably other ace-spec's who don't mind, enjoy it, or are making content like it themselves. I just speak for myself) but GOD it's getting uncomfortable.

Alastor is in his late 30's-early 40's in human years. That is the established age range we have for him. Do you really think that he'd go that long without ever experiencing "love?" He went through puberty just like everyone else, do you think he doesn't understand his own body???

Being asexual, or sex-repulsed, or touch-repulsed doesn't mean you automatically don't explore these parts of yourself. It doesn't mean he's never, once in his life, touched his own dick, or pussy, or whatever genitalia you're giving him. He can still very well be a "virgin" (which in and of itself is a social construct) while also knowing his body and confidently handling any "sexual needs" he has.

Do you really think he doesn't know what a boner is? That in all the years he's been alive and dead (on Earth and in Hell), he wouldn't have experienced these things once? (And you know what? Maybe he hasn't! Perhaps there are ace's out there like that! But you're telling me he doesn't KNOW what that is??? Really???)

Ah, no, it's all because he just hasn't found the right person yet, right? It's not until Lucifer/Angel Dust/Vox, whoever found him, and they gave him these feelings, and oh no, poor Bambi is feeling twitterpated and horny for the first time, isn't that romantic!

Honestly, not really. It just sounds like the same, stupid shit ace-aro people hear from family, friends, and acquaintances about their sexuality. You know, the tried and true: "Oh, you just haven't found the right person yet. You'll want all that eventually, you'll see😊"

Do you not see how frustrating that is?

Look, I am all down for Alastor exploring parts of himself. I want him to navigate different relationships, feel them out, figure out what kind of relationship he wants and what he's okay and not okay with doing. But there are ways to do that without treating him like a little UwU silly baby boy who doesn't know his own body, or his own emotions, or his own relationships with other characters. Like he needs someone to teach him about himself.

How about instead, he finds someone he feels comfortable exploring these elements with? Instead of them "teaching" him how to fuck, or masturbate, or whatever the hell you want to call it, they're giving him the room and safe-space to explore it at his own pace??!!

It comes across as someone who isn't on the ace-spectrum "teaching" an ace-spec character about their own sexuality which puts such a gross taste in my mouth. Or, at least, that's how it comes across to me.

And the thing is, I know people aren't going to stop. I know they're going to keep infantilizing Alastor and his aro-ace identity, and I wasn't originally going to make this post, because you can't control what people do in fandom.

So this is mostly just a post to say: HEY! Hello! Ace-aro person here! I hope you all are having fun and I love that you're exploring Alastor's asexual/aromantic identity! Especially those who may not be in the ace-spectrum themselves, as you're learning about us and our experiences! That's awesome! Can we just do that while also treating Alastor like the adult he is? Can we do that without being infantilizing and patronizing about his sexual identity? Please?"

That's all I really wanted to say. I just needed to get this off my chest instead of letting it fester. This isn't an attack on anyone, this is just the perspective of an Alastor multi-shipper who loves exploring his relationships with other characters (sexually and non-sexually) and deep-diving into the dynamics of the show.

Thanks for reading.

[pupkashi]

I LOVE OCTOBER !!!!!!

masterlist

“oh my god” your eyes wide, out of shock? terror? excitement?

“i know right!” satoru grins, “i saw it and i just had to get it” he takes your hand and pulls you out the front door and onto the porch.

“you just had to get a pumpkin the size of a small country?” the giant vegetable placed on the porch steps, intimidating you with its sheer size. “how much does this thing even weigh?” you were absolutely gobsmacked, “where the hell did you even get this!”

satoru was waiting for you to ask, “i bought it from a 12 year old girl!” his eyes were sparkling as you stared at him in confusion. “her and her dad were gonna go to put it in a competition but then i asked them if i could buy it off them and they said yes.”

even before you asked, you knew the answer to your question, “how much did you pay them?” satoru’s face flushed and he looked away from you, hesitating and trying to find a way to change the topic.

“i was thinking maybe we make a giant jack-o-lantern, feed the birds the seeds-”

“satoru, how much” his body tenses up and he turns to face you with big blue eyes and a pout.

“only 15!” he defends, “she was really proud of it and i couldn’t let it go rot in some fair!”

“15 what” you press, a smile fighting its way onto your lips as you stared up at your lover.

“thousand” he sighs, shoulders slumping as he leans against his expensive pumpkin. he knows you aren’t really upset with him, you’d never tell him how to spend his money no matter how stupid he is.

“dear god” you laugh, giving up on trying to fight the smile and instead leaning against the large pumpkin next to satoru. “this thing is huge” you comment. satoru is practically vibrating with happiness at your words.

“isn’t it? gonna be kinda sad when we ship it off to the zoo” he sighs. he can feel your gaze on his face, completely confused with what he was talking about. “well we can only use so much pumpkin before we’re flooded in it” he shrugs, “figured we can ship whatever we don’t want to the zoo and they can give it to the animals there!”

satoru always had a big heart, especially for animals. you nod happily in agreement, “i like that idea toru” you hum, both of you now facing the giant pumpkin.

“now how are you and i going to carve this pumpkin all alone?” you ask, a mischievous grin on your face as satoru brimmed with excitement at your insinuation.

“I’ll call the kids over!” the white haired sorcerer is gone before you can say anything else, gone to drag the three first years from their dorms and to your front steps.

you take the time to sit on the swing on your porch, view blocked by the orange pumpkin. it makes you smile, as silly as satoru was, you knew his heart was in the right place. and as the five of you work at pumpkin with the autumn breeze surrounding you all, your heart grows warmer. you wouldn’t have it any other way.