#whatever I did I’ll do it again
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#jonathan olsson#pain#whatever I did I’ll do it again#don’t mind me here with my queue of just jonte and max lmao
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.Gossip.
#vampyr#vampyr 2018#mccreid#jonathan reid#geoffrey mccullum#geoffrey x jonathan#jonathan x geoffrey#mxm#.they did WHATEVER you want in that place ;).#.cannot get these losers out of my head.#.I do love those fics where they point out Mccullums clothes are I’ll fitted or they’re like hand me downs from Carl.#.love the juxtaposition of these men I SWEAR AHGHGH.#.again idk anything about 1910s :)c.#.green my enemy.
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it’s actually so wild to me that this fairly quirky YA type show gave both of its main characters deaths that can, in one way or another, solidly be considered hate crimes. they were both flat out murdered as a result of being A) gay and effeminate or B) brown (south asian, specifically) and you could argue whether or not those kids thought of it that way in the moment or whatever but the bottom line is that they would not have been in the situations that killed them if they weren’t of their respective minorities. like legitimately that is a ballsy choice for this kind of netflix show, let alone for the two Main Characters, and i respect it big time
#rambling#i think about this a lot#you could brush charles’ off as a hate crime by proxy since it was in response to him Stopping a hate crime#but that would be stupid. like you think what happened to him would’ve happened if he was white? doubtful#as a mixed person the way i see it is that in that moment- when he protected that pakistani kid- he went from being tolerated#by being/acting just white enough and with enough other jock traits to sort of fit in amongst them#to all at once proving to them that no- he is in fact The Other. he isn’t one of us he’s one of Them.#and as such what happened to him would’ve been a bonafide hate crime. even if they were to give an excuse like ‘he got in our way’ or ‘he#made a fool out of us’ or whatever else. even if those boys didn’t fully UNDERSTAND the racism in their own intentions/actions#it still would be. because that would not have happened to a white boy. period#anyway. genuinely fascinating choice they made with the way they presented his death- especially considering it was not#remotely similar in the comics. neither of them had the hate crime aspect going on really up til yockey’s narrative choices#so props to him. man’s got balls#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#edit: I will say that I don’t think the boys in edwin’s case technically murdered him nor would I call them murderers#because I can’t imagine a single one of them actually thought that ritual was gonna do anything more than make him piss himself#it was still hate-based bullying. like they still absolutely did what they did because he’s visibly effeminate and easily clickable#and all in all: gay. but when I say edwin was murdered I don’t really mean by those boys. I mean those boys dragged him into the situation#(kicking and screaming) that GOT him murdered by a demon. and he would not have been in that position if not for being gay.#I’ll say it again because last time I talked about this someone got real pissy in my inbox: I am not excusing the actions of the boys that#got him killed nor am I saying what they did wasn’t based in homophobia. i am just clarifying that they didn’t intend on killing anyone or#think whatsoever that someone getting killed was even a possibility (as opposed to charles’ killers who definitely had to have thought he#could be killed even if that might not have been the premeditated goal of every boy involved)#but the fact that edwin was ultimately intentionally killed by a demon counts as murder to me#someone killed him on purpose. that’s murder#the demon probably didn’t give a shit about this human teenager’s sexuality but regardless he ended up there for being gay.#so. just. a clarification
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I rewatched Tron Legacy and for some reason I remembered the portal as opening and closing on its own once a cycle, but apparently that’s not what happens?
The movie implies that it opens when a User comes in, closes after 8 ‘hours’, then NEVER opens again? It just…closes forever until he returns from outside?
And Kevin’s plan in that event seems to have been to page Alan and be like “yeah so I borrowed your wife’s portal into the digital world and made my own universe, and I got too into building a new city with the program homies so I was late getting out and the portal like closed on me and now I’m trapped in my computer forever unless someone logs in and releases me. Can you come pick me up”
Yeah that sounds like him
Tron in the flashback telling him “I don’t like when you cut it this close” gave me secondhand stress after realising it
#kevin flynn#the man ever#tron legacy#tron betrayal#tronblr#also who tf only stays for eight ingame hours? Unless he means eight real hours which should be longer#Imagining him going ‘damn I want to stay longer but my own doofus rules prevent it’#*takes a ship across literally the entire Grid just to log out and back in again*#‘why did I set it up this way what is wrong with me. Oh well too late to change it now’#how do you explain that over a pager#how good is a pager can you text someone with it#*googles* ok some of them you can#Kevin: ALAN HELP STUCK IN COMPUTER#Alan: what does this mean is this a typo#Kevin: REPEAT AM STUCK IN COMPUTER. PUT A COIN IN THE TRON MACHINE AND LOG IN#Alan: *siiiiggghhh*#Alan: Ok I’ll play along with whatever this is. But only because you said this is for emergencies.#Alan: How do you get stuck IN a computer anyway? You better not be doing what I think you’re doing
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eta: I wasn’t going to share the actual comment but you know what, fuck it the ‘idealogical agenda’ comment fucking got me.
#a thing. there will be no more tudors ot3 verse.#at least not for a while - i have lost the joy because of a comment i got calling it historically inaccurate dreck#and i probably shouldn’t admit it got me but it did in a big way#(bio father would rip my work apart in very similar ways (i was like four the first time)#and it’s Too Fucking Much because again I’m a fragile snowflake who can#(who cannot take negative comments)#like I fully admit#i have saved copies and like maybe some day i’ll put them back up#but the joy is gone and I just fee#*feel sick about it#(deleted previous post about this#so yes they win whatever#(you win when you do this which is I guess me stopping writing it)
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OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.
#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter.#he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point.#and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!!#hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do!#the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into-#one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT.#but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb.#I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time.#and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances.#and doesn’t want to hear any excuse.#but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment.#NOW. CHAPTER 17.#UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN#Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC.#IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!!#BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’#WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM.#(NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.)#and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through.#despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up.#like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him.#that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying.#just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner.#IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD.#and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore.#he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had.#and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT.#<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but.#eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind.#I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags
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I’m sorry but TROP season 2 as a whole was stale fast food fare compared to S1’s organic homemade feast and I’ll die on this hill lol
#sorry to the ‘you’re a fake fan!!1’ crowd of bootlickers on twitter but i won’t pretend S2 was anything but underwhelming#having watched both seasons back to back for the first time this past month i can say with confidence that I enjoyed S1 immensely#whereas S2 felt like disney’s star wars (derogatory)#and that’s not even going into how they did a 180 turn on haladriel lol#again —nobody expected a HEA or even a kiss. but it’s like they completely discarded their S1 arc and steam rolled their dynamic#where was the obsession? the forbidden desire? the inner conflict? all gone in favor of a superhero movie tier dynamic#even SW managed to do better by reylo —which isn’t even half as deep as haladriel#i’ll still tune in for whatever crumbs there will be in the future ofc#but this feels like a whole missed opportunity.#sometimes… listening to ‘fans’ is bad. maybe creators should stop doing that#trop spoilers#lotr
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Squilf doodle 💚
#artists on tumblr#warriors#warrior cats#squirrelflight#squirrelstar#<- yeah so I haven’t touched warrior cats in a hot minute. since like. freshmen year of high school ish#but apparently my babygirl is leader now?????????#????? and bramble isn’t dead but he did kinda die and get possessed by ashfur’s vengeful ghost???#and then stepped down after that?????#yeah warriors has gone even more off the rails than it already was but idc#actually correction I did touch warriors again when squirrelflight’s hope came out#i read all the summaries of the events up to that point so I could understand it and grabbed that book just because it was her#but whatever point is!! I haven’t drawn cats since I was like 12-14 but I felt like doodling her#i started playing clangen and got really into doing stuff with that so idk maybe I’ll draw some of my clan cats#is this a warriors revival for me? probably not#but I like revisiting it a little for old time’s sake
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#it should be noted that I tried distracting myself from wanting to be dead in a hole and no longer have teeth or shame or the horrors#by watching Grey’s Anatomy#because other people’s made up drama is better than whatever my brain is giving me right now#and I ended up watching an episode where a major character#has a dental abscess that gives her a bacterial heart infection and heart attack and all the complications that follow.#I would just like to say#fuck my life#I KNOW THIS IS FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS#I JUST#WANT TO ***#RATHER THAN EVER DEAL WITH TEETH EVER AGAIN IN MY LIFE#I’ll never forgive my mom and my old dentist and hygienists for being ‘kind’ but shaming me so much for so many years without ever once help#*helping me#what was I supposed to do with that?#I can’t hate myself into taking better care of my teeth#and it’s such a beast to overcome that I barely make a dent before something throws me off the bandwagon and I’m terrified to even feel that#I have a mouth all over again!!!#shh katie#there’s no way that one of my teeth at least will be savagely#*salvagable#it needed a root canal in 2021 there’s no way#but if I need teeth pulled I genuinely will spiral#it’s the ultimate shame#EVEN THOUGH PEOPLE IN OUR FAMILY HAVE HAD TO HAVE THAT DONE#even though my mom and sister have had tons of cavities!#it was never allowed for ME#I was supposed to be the PERFECT one#who never ever had any of the issues my older siblings or parents did#and it’s all taken as me not caring or being lazy or being stupid and uninformed and it’s NOT#I DON’T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS EITHER CAN NO ONE UNDERSTAND THAT
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(face in hands) (again) men will simply feel the walls closing in around them
#my brother got covid from hanging out with his boyfriend. again.#and by the sounds of it they want to quarantine at our house.#ih his room which is. you know. directly adjacent to my room.#aaaaa and we have a trip coming up in two weeks and then my job starts in full and just#if he comes here i’m literally leaving to go stay at my partner’s instead#but it’s killing me because i’ll have to leave my pc and tablet behind and just#aaaaaaa i feel stressed i feel stressed#i’ve been in an exhausted fog for the past two weeks and it feels like i can’t get anything done#it’s like time has just been slipping by me and it makes me So So Upset#like what do you mean we’re more than halfway through august!!!!#and yet also: FUCK!!!!! I TOTTED THROUGH AUGUST!!!!!#i’m coming dangerously close to feeling the way i did during spring semester#when my brain is craving a release like crack cocaine but it’s not coming#every other day i’m dealing with work crap and hassling with irl things#and when i’m not doing that i’m rotting at my desk fatigued out of my mind#trying my best not to pass out until 9pm when it’s reasonable to do so#just staring at whatever video i can put on and blaring it loudly so i don’t fall asleep#aaaaa…………..i want out of this………. i’m on my break and yet i still want out aaaaaa……..
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There’s days when I really feel like a failure/ disappointment because I think everyone had pretty high expectations of me growing up and I feel like I’ve done nothing with my life
#i feel like it’s always just been assumed I’ll do well in life#because I did pretty well in school early on#but that was always just because i had to#it just felt like my duty to do well so I did#doing bad in school was not really an option#i was also called ambitious when i was young#but I never felt ambitious#again I just did what i had to do in my eyes#to be ambitious i think you need to work towards something#and I never knew what I wanted to do#i think I’ve always been sort of lost#and i see people I grew up with that seem to be doing so much better#and it makes me feel very inadequate and mediocre#I think it’s mostly bad brain bc idk these people anymore idk how their lives are for real#i always feel like i have to do more and what I do is not enough#but like half of last year all i had energy for was surviving day to day#idek what i’m supposed to be doing really#maybe I’m just a boring mediocre person and it is what it is at the end of the day#this is too long but whatever#tbd likely
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woke up and this was all my brain was doing lmao
#this is vee speaking#brain: ichiro solo :)#me:………………..well yeah but where’s the rest—#brain: no flow >:( only guitar >:(#h era reformation but it never starts lmao#i so desperately want to sit down with his lyrics bc that ‘respect is dead’ quote he’s emphasising is also stuck in my head#but i need the context lmao what did he follow that up with#one of these days i’ll make a post talking about what kr is doing with ichiro’s music in regards to his character#but i’d rather it come from a place of wanting to share why i love ichiro’s music#rather than being annoyed i’m seeing people call ichiro boring again bc of his music lol#like yeah i personally would have preferred a solo instrumentally sequel like to break the wall#but it’s calculated lol it goes deeper than ichiro ‘not growing as a person’ or whatever#some day lol ‘cause it’d just be something for my own pleasure lol
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sighs and collapses and disintegrates into the wind
#Seven’s Public Diary#vent post#cw vent post#ah yes. another restless nights sleep in a cold room bc i was too upset and sick to eat enough yesterday and my nightmares won’t let up and#my heater isn’t enough to warm the room when it’s this fucking cold outside. but it’s fine bc i don’t think i deserve to be warmer anyway#i should get water but i’ve been stuck laying here for an hour wondering if im racist and feeling like i should just. leave. or smthn. idk#i need a caregiver so there’s someone here to stop me from doomscrolling tumblr and reddit discourse for two hours before bed. lol#but ig no matter how careful i try to be there’ll always be part of me thats. unconsciously? racist? bc im white so its just part of me#idk im not educated enough to talk about it so i guess the real lesson to learn here is to keep my fucking mouth shut. which i can do!#i don’t. know how to apologize correctly. bc no one wants to hear me piss and moan abt my white guilt. if that’s what it even is#im too stupid to understand what to do or say and the more i type the worse it sounds so im just. sorry. i apologize for anything i’ve said#or done. that wasn’t right or was insensitive or thoughtless or uneducated or. whatever else it is i rlly don’t know#i didn’t mean to use AAVE. i really didn’t know. so i’ll go edit the tag where i used it but. that’s only one example. how many more am i#unaware of? how often do i put my foot in my mouth and not know it? im sorry. i’ll try to do better#but there’s so much to be mindful of that i can’t keep track of it all and it’s overwhelming me so i think i should just. be quiet.#‘always a fanfic writer at the scene of the crime’ i. didn’t know there was a connection between racism and fanfic. now im worried#was that just an easy jab to make bc it’s cringe or is it actually problematic. why does it seem like theres smthn wrong w everything i do#anyways. i have to stop thinking abt it or im gonna anxiety vomit. i could go lay on the couch#it in the only warm room of the house but it’s covered in dog hair and i hate the smell from the stupid fucking propane heater#it gives me a headache and makes me paranoid. why did he install gas heat when he could’ve gone with a heat pump. all he did was make#everything harder on everybody. so now we have dangerous gas heat in the winter and shitty mold-filled window ac units in the summer#when he could’ve installed a heat pump/ac unit combo thingy and we would’ve been good to go. why is he like this.#YOURE A GODDAMN ELECTRICIAN. HAVE BEEN YOUR WHOLE LIFE. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT. SO ACT LIKE IT.#im staying in bed. the rest of the house reeks of burnt plastic bc SOMEONE decided to take FOUR sedatives and drink a couple beers before#trying to use the stove to cook dinner :))) so now i have to figure out how to clean that up. i take back everything i said about winter#being my favorite season. this shit fucking sucks. there’s so much more to stress over and it’s all so much more expensive and exhausting#i never want another dog or cat ever again after these two pass. im not the person i once was and i cannot care for them like i used to.#i can’t even care for myself. couldn’t if i Wanted to right now bc everything is frozen solid. can’t shower. can’t do any laundry.#just get to sit here filthy cold and miserable in the one clean-ish sweater i have left for ? days until temps get back above freezing#anyways thats enough bitching abt my first world problems. time to shut up and be grateful for what i Do have bc it could be a Lot worse
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pleeeease im begging weeping pleading on main for memes to distract me from the lame-o news I’ve been saddled with today ;__;
#also today a woman asked me if I’m one of those “gender creeps” so I’ll never be shaving again#because uh 1 rude and 2 um yeah I /am/ a gender freak what about it ladyyy anyway she wasn’t the bad news but it did add a#yuck taste to my yummers mood and now I don’t want to focus on things I should and wanna be distracted for forever by memes#until the cows come home or until I become cool enough to buy a cow and bring it home or whatever#yeah that’s all sometimes it’s frustrating when older folks just say weirdly ballsy things#as if they didn’t spend their days beating children for not eating veggies and staring at people for too long like go off I guess brenda#aaaaanyway please send me memes and I’ll do them all right now I sweeeeaaaar to Maeve or whoever
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So I’m not Latin president…
#Gonna get all my childish anger about it out in the tags here because the people who got vp and president are good people and would do well#But omfg everyone who did the stupid ass bribe offers of “oh I’ll do art oh I’ll put your name in a book” dawg :(#But yeah it’s fine it’s whatever I’ll just wait until I can run again
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went to the beach w kp & 4 other indian friends & 3 of us had NEVER surfed before girl WHEW it’s SO fun literally only 20quid to rent a wetsuit & board & i fucking smashed my toes on the sand so much, but also we 1) got the wrong tickets so we got off 1 stop early 2) went to find a bus & the bus that was supposed to be 15 min turned into an HOUR 3) on our way to find a bus back everyone’s phones are dying or dead bc it took us 3hrs longer to get there, cigarettes are out 4) all of the shops in town are closed & the town seems to have ONLY a tesco extra & 1 off license that sells a PACK FOR 15.65 A PACK WHICH IS FUCKING CRIMINAL ITS CHEAPER TO BUY IT FROM TESCO ARE U INSANE 5) the bus back to the other town kept skipping us bc the bus stop wasn’t the ACTUAL bus stop - i had 1 bowl since literally 11a & we got back at fucking 11p 😭😭😭
#diary#i was honestly abt to strangle EVERYBODY#‘do u have a cigarette’ ‘where’s ur vape’ ‘where are we going’ ‘which bus is it’ ‘do u have a ___’ ‘did u bring ___’ girl what am i DORA w#the magic fuckin BACKPACK ??? while ur UP MY ASS dig around & SEE IF SMTHGS IN THERE 😭😭😭😭#i literally broke sobriety again bc i was just#girl i was so agitated & there was 1 TRAIN LEFT BEFORE 11P so we needed to get the 2ND TO LAST BUS OF THE DAY#i deadass was like ‘if we miss that train i will make sure u all go blind’ ‘did u bring a knife’ ‘I DONT NEED 1’#AKSJAKSKAKKSJSKSSJAKJSKAHSKSHDLASKAKDLA#LIKE U BITCHES SMOKED ALL MY CIGARETTES MY VAPES DEAD MY PHONES DYING UR ALL DRUNK IM GOING TO KILL YALL 😭😭😭😭😭#<- me knowing i could never be a parent#tbh if i caught my kid smoking a cig id make em do the ol ‘im going to sit down in front of u w a fresh box of cigarettes & make u finish#the box or pass out’#YES IM STRICT#i think it’s so funny ok unrelated but like they’ll speak hindi & i’ve just#learned it through being around them kind of like i can’t speak it except for some word u know like matachot etc but i’ll Understand the#Context & what’s being Said#ASLKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLA like while waiting for the train back 1 of them was talking abt me being a fool to the others - literally they’re#all indian & i had walked away so when i walked back he was still talkin but then i started giggling bc i knew he was talkin abt me & how i#pinched a bit of the kebab to throw to the seagull bc he offered it to me & i needed to bait the seagull w something & i pinched & tossed &#& he looked at me like 😦 bhenchod ! & then the seagull came over & i was like :D hi bestie <3333 but then when i started giggling after i#walked back he was like ‘what the fuck does he just know hindi now’#it makes me laugh so fucking HARD 😭😭😭😭😭 LIKE FUCK U I LIKE TO PARTICPATE IN COVERSATION IDC ABT LANGUAGE#like i’ve been surrounded by yall for the past#girl it’s been like a year i don’t even talk to british ppl or americans#ALSKALSKALSKALKSLAKSLALSLA MESS ! i love to slavsquat & kp hates it bc he’s like ‘we’re in the uk why are u sitting like this’ bc he thinks#it’s ’too indian’ ALSKALSKALSKALJSKAKDLA 😭😭😭😭😭 this hips were made for sitting#we’re definitely going to go back bc it’s SO CLOSE IF WE ACTUALLY USE THE TRANSPORT PROPERLY ITS ONLY LIKE AN HOUR OR SO COMMUTE EACH WAY#bring lunch whatever#i’m exhausted but also socially like bro i had to leave the donner place just to walk around the block for SOME QUIET#i’ve just been sososososo busy LOSING MY MIND
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