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cripplecharacters Ā· 3 days ago
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Writing a Schizophrenic Character: Everything But Hallucinations
Plain text: Writing a Schizophrenic character: Everything But Hallucinations
Hey! Mod Bert here.Ā 
So: youā€™ve decided to write a character with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder (there are other disorders on the schizophrenia spectrum but I will be focusing on these for today)
Youā€™ve done it, you have their hallucinations and maybe even delusions picked out. Maybe they are one of many who experience auditory hallucinations or maybe they also have visual hallucinations or a combination. Maybe they have olfactory hallucinations as well. They may have persecutory delusions or delusions of reference or something like Cotardā€™s delusion or clinical lycanthropy. Awesome, youā€™ve done it!
What, I hear you say? What do you mean thatā€™s only 2 of the 5 components needed to be diagnosed with schizophrenia? What do you mean, you donā€™t need to hallucinate at all to be schizophrenic?
What Goes Into a Diagnosis of Schizophrenia
Plain Text: What goes into a diagnosis of schizophrenia
Not a lot of people realize thereā€™s more to schizophrenia and schizoaffective than just hallucinations or delusions. There are 5 diagnostic criterias that are needed for schizophrenia, and only 2 of the 5 are needed for a month, with larger symptoms happening for six months or more. Letā€™s get into it.
Delusions
Hallucinations
Disorganized speech or thinking*
Disorganized or unusual motor behavior (catatonia)*
Negative symptoms (avolition, anhedonia, flat affect)*
Iā€™m going to focus on disorganized speech/thinking, catatonia, and negative symptoms.
Disorganized Speech/Thinking
Plain Text: Disorganized Speech/Thinking
Schizophrenia and related disorders are often called ā€œthought disordersā€ for a reason. Speech and thinking can be extremely affected, and for people like me this can be one of the first and most striking examples of an episode coming. Some people will always have disorganized symptoms that will flare during episodes. A myth is that schizophrenia can be indistinguishable with medicine: most people will have some level of symptoms even during moments of peace or ā€œremissionā€. More on remission later.Ā 
So, disorganized speech. Some examples are: word salad (schizoaphasia), thought blocking, poverty of speech (alogia), pressurized speech, clanging, and echolalia.
Word salad: a combination of words that do not make sense together. Often called schizoaphasia for its similarity to jargon in Wernickeā€™s aphasia, this is instead a disconnection with the brain and not due to damage to the language part of the brain.
(Example: the salad would be yellow in the fat cow).
Thought blocking: A severe loss of thought, often paired with connecting two trains of thought that are not connected
(Example: I went to theā€¦ā€¦ā€¦Do you like grapes?)
Poverty of speech: A lack of organic responses to speech or organically speaking, it can be severe enough that a person only responds to questions or in one word responses. Can also happen in severe depression.
(Example: Person A: Did you do anything fun today?
Person B: Yes.
Person A: Oh, what did you do?
Person B: Store
Person A: How was it?
Person B: Fun)
Pressurized speech: A sort of frenzied way of speaking associated with psychosis or mania.
Clanging: Connecting phrases together because of what they sound like instead of meaning
(Example: I went bent tent rent).
Echolalia: Repeating wordā€™s and phrases. Commonly also associated with Autism Spectrum Disorder.Ā 
(Example: Person A: I went to the store.
Person B: To the store.)
These are not the only examples but they are some ones I thought I'd highlight, either because theyā€™re well known or I have experience with them, or because theyā€™re famously thought of with other disorders as well and I wanted to point out how things overlap.
Personal experience: I had severe alogia for the duration of my last and worst episode. People thought I was mad at them because of the clipped way I spoke and the lack of really speaking. It got me in a lot of trouble. I didnā€™t realize what I was saying was different or weird (I have the least insight when it comes to my speaking patterns affected by my schizoaffective, meaning I canā€™t hear any difference and all of this is from repeated conversations with my mom, who was my caretaker for a bit and knows the most about my speech and what it means). The best solution was talking with people and being honest and educating myself and others. I donā€™t know about others, but I couldnā€™t have used AAC at that time.
Catatonia
Plain text: Catatonia
Fun fact: catatonia means unusual motor behaviors! Any unusual motor behaviors mean catatonia. This includes what we think of when we think of catatonia in schizophrenia (inability to move) as well as the opposite (being unable to stop moving) as well as strange movements and ways of holding and moving the body! Catatonia in the DSM-5 includes 3 or more of these 12 behaviors:
-Agitation unrelated to external stimuli
-Catalepsy
-Echolalia
-Echopraxia
-Grimacing
-Mannerism
-Mutism
-Negativism
-Posturing
-Stereotypy
-Stupor
-waxy flexibility
I have some experiences with catatonia-like symptoms but since they were never identified as such Iā€™ll skip those for now. I will say that catatonia is a symptom that can happen in many disorders besides schizophrenia as well.
Negative Symptoms! Yay!
Plain text: negative symptoms! Yay!
So a positive symptom (Hallucinations or delusions) are symptoms that add something to reality or a person. Negative symptoms are symptoms that take away. There are 5 Aā€™s:
-Alogia (Again, poverty of speech, our favorite)
-Avolition (Lack of energy and motivation)
-Affect (Blunted affect, or a flat way of speaking)
-Anhedonia (Lack of pleasure in things that used to bring you pleasure, often thought of with depression)
-Asociality (Lack of interest in social events and relationships)
There are also often cognitive changes including thinking and memory, information recall, understanding, and acquisition, and so forth.Ā 
Schizophrenia and schizoaffective often (but not always) happen with whatā€™s called a prodromal period. This period can be months to years (mine was a little less than a year) and mainly consists of negative symptoms. Slowly, positive symptoms are added. There are thought to be stages to schizophrenia including prodrome, active phases, and remission.
Iā€™ll talk about that a little for a second because Iā€™m currently in remission and no one knows what that means. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective depressive type in January 2021. As of February 2024, I no longer qualified to be rediagnosed because my symptoms were strongly under control and no longer severe enough to qualify for a diagnosis. They also didnā€™t distress me or impact my daily life severely. Day to day now I still have mild symptoms and take my antipsychotics (trying to go off them have made it clear that I still have some symptoms I choose to keep medicating) but I havenā€™t had a delusion in 2 years and been hospitalized in 3. Thereā€™s always a possibility of another episode but I work with my team to keep myself one step ahead if that happens.
What I want from a character with schizophrenia
Plain Text: What I want from a character with schizophrenia
Alright the writing advice part. What do I want from a character with schizophrenia or schizoaffective (which is schizophrenia plus either depression or bipolar).Ā 
-Characters with caregivers.
-Characters using coping strategies (recording hallucinations to tell if theyre hallucinations, taking medication, having service animals that greet people so they know if theyā€™re a hallucination, using aids for the cognitive symptoms like sticky notes and organizational tools)
-Characters who know other characters with their disorder, either online or in support group or through running in similar circles
-Characters having autonomy
-Characters who arenā€™t the killer or horror victim. I know itā€™s cool to have the schizophrenic protagonist in horror, and I love horror, but I donā€™t want to read about the horror being symptoms the whole time
-Characters who are in magical scenarios, who are in fantasy and sci-fi. The schizophrenic princess and the schizoaffective robot technician aboard the spaceship.
-Medication and hospitalization treated casually. Sometimes we need higher care. Thatā€™s morally neutral
-Characters with negative symptoms and speech symptoms.
-Characters with catatonia!Ā 
-Characters with other disorders as well
-characters with side effects from medicine treated casually
-Characters with cognitive symptoms
Thank you for reading this incredibly long thing! Happy writing!
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pasteldreams Ā· 2 days ago
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aftercare - c.s.
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pairing: fwb!chris sturniolo x reader
summary: you teach your fuck buddy, chris, how to care for you after he rails you
cw: mentions of sex and bodily fluids (mdni), aftercare, pet names (baby, pretty girl, etc.), educational maybe?, fluff
word count: ~1.2k
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you and chris had been "together" for a while. when you broke up with your ex 6 months ago, you missed his dick more than anything. fortunately, your friend, chris, offered up just what you needed. you two weren't technically dating, but everyone knew you were fucking each other and only each other. chris was great in bed, he knew exactly what to do to make your back arch and your fists grab the sheets. however, he didn't have nearly as much experience as you do. his lack of experience didn't seem to affect his performance much, but his aftercare skills were shit. and today was no different.
"fuck, you did so good for me baby," chris says in between heavy breaths. he slowly lowers himself to lay next to you as he gently brushes your hair off of your face, both of you sticky from a combination of bodily fluids.
all you could release was a soft hum in response as the blood pumping through your ears began to quiet. you attempt to open your eyes only for the exhaustion to drag your lids back down.
chris laughs, "damn, it was that good?" you could practically hear the smirk in his voice before he let out a soft laugh.
"i'll give you a minute to recover, pretty girl." he presses a soft kiss to your forehead before moving to check his phone on the night stand. after seeing his notifications, he begins rambling on about something sports-related, but you were still much too fucked out to comprehend any spoken language. once your senses returned to normal, your eyes fluttered open and you slowly turned towards chris, cringing as your lower body vibrated from even the small movement.
"guess what time it is," he grins laying against the pillow while facing you.
"what time is it, chris?" you ask trying to mask the discomfort.
"it'sā€¦ CUDDLE TIME!" he yells suddenly before throwing himself on top of you, forcing you to lay on your back, and engulfing you in his arms.
you groan and attempt to push him off quickly receiving a pout in response.
"heyyy, what's wrong? why won't you cuddle with me?"
"dudeā€¦ i literally have your cum dripping down my ass crack right now," you roll your eyes.
"oh," he pauses. "um. do you want me to get you a towel or something for that?"
"uh, yeah, that'd be nice," you say passive aggressively.
he doesn't respond as he quickly shuffles to the bathroom to grab a towel.
"do you want a big one or a small one?" he yells from the bathroom.
you sigh. "either is fine," you grumble just loud enough for him to hear.
he returns with a small towel.
"what's wrong baby?" he says as he climbs onto the bed putting the towel next to you.
"have you ever heard of aftercare?" you ask using the towel to soak up as much of the leaking fluid as you could, grimacing at the friction on the sensitive area.
ā€œaftercare? like when a parent forgets to pick their kid up from school?" he jokes.
"no, chrisā€¦ like for after sex," you state bluntly.
"no? am I supposed to know what it is?"
"do you wanna keep fucking me?"
he looks at you with surprised eyes not expecting that kind of question.
"of course I do, I meanā”€fuckā”€look at you," he gently slides his hand up your side as his eyes follow, taking in each inch of your skin on the way up.
"well, if you wanna keep fucking me, you need to learn how to take care of me after. you can't just fuck me the way that you do and expect me not to be in pain afterwardsā€¦"
"wait, you're in pain?" he furrows his brows in concern. "why didn't you tell me, angel? i can be more gentle whe-"
"no! fuck, no. i love the way you fuck me. please, don't be gentle. that's not what i want"
"so what d-"
"christopher, you can't learn if you don't let me talk."
"oh right, sorry, i'm listening," his expression turns serious suddenly.
"aw, what a good boy," you smirk teasing him.
"yeah, yeah, yeah, let's get on with this so I can keep fuckin' you, pretty girl."
"my pleasure," you grin. "first, you're usually pretty good with this one, but after you practically abuse me with your dick, i need you to tell me how good i was for you. because it's a lot of work taking you like i do, and i deserve the praise."
"you do deserve it princess. i canā”€no, i do do that. easy. next," he responds confidently.
"next, the towel. non-negotiable, and honestly, put it down before we even start 'cause once you pull out, sometimes even before that, it all justā€¦"
"yeah, yeah, makes sense. i definitely should've thought about it when i was washing the sheets every single time we fucked," he admits sheepishly.
you laugh, "yeah, maybe."
"what else can I do for you, baby?" he cups your face with one of his warm hands, softly gliding his thumb across your cheekbone.
"nowā€¦ i'm gonna need some help getting to the bathroom, 'cause i don't think i can even stand up on my own right now," you laugh softly, thinking about the less-than-natural positions chris had just put you in.
He laughs, smirking. "i really fucked you good today, huh?"
"just shut up and help me up."
ā€œyes ma'am," he salutes jokingly before standing up and reaching his hands out to lift you out of bed and to the bathroom.
"you didn't have to carry me," you tell him.
"i know, but i like carrying you," he admits as he gently places you on your feet in the bathroom. once you're standing with the support of the counter, chris can't help but look you up and down.
"are you just gonna watch me piss or can i get a second by myself?" you tease him.
"oh shit, right, sorry. i'll be- um, i'll be out here," he says clearly flustered by your comment while backing out of the bathroom and closing the door.
You laugh, shaking your head.
After finishing in the restroom, you call chris's name softly.
"yes, baby?"
"can you help me get back to the room?" you giggle at your own sad state knowing it was partially your fault for begging chris to go harder.
he opens the door, quickly scooping you up and carrying back to the room.
"so, when do we get to cuddle?" he asks laying you down on the bed,
you roll your eyes playfully at him. "now, we can cuddle now, chris."
"fuck, finally, i've been waiting years to hold you," he exaggerates as he lays next to you, pulling your frame against his chest.
"chris, it was like 10 minutes."
"yeah, and I was going through withdrawal."
"you're so dramatic."
he nuzzles his head into your neck, releasing a content sigh. "you trust me to take care of you now? i can keep fucking you? please say yes."
You laugh. "yes, you can keep fucking me, on one condition."
"anything for you. what is it?"
"you promise to always cuddle me after."
"i promise to always cuddle you, whether we fucked or not."
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a/n: love y/all and thanks for all the support! enjoy :)
šŸ·ļø taglist: @y3sterdaysproblem @sofia-is-a-sturniolo-triplet-fan
reply/msg/inbox and ask to be added to the taglist!
cake divider by @dollywons, apple divider by @ithemes, and heart divider by @cafekitsune
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yuikomorii Ā· 3 hours ago
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AYAYUI IDOL AU: Chapter 2
// Itā€™s time for the second chapter! This one focuses more on the conversations with other characters than on Ayayui interactions, but Iā€™m really curious to see if anyone can guess who the second Diaboy to meet Yui will be. šŸ‘€
This story isnā€™t meant to be a harem or anything like that though, but all the Diaboys will meet Yui at some point. I hope you enjoy this chapter until the next one! šŸ’–
Chapter 1
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Place: Dorms
Ayato: Good night.
Laito: Nighty night~!
ā€” Ayato enters his room ā€”
Laito: ( Hmmā€¦ he seems unusually quiet. He hasnā€™t said a single word the entire way, which is so unlike him. )
( Itā€™s as if somethingā€™s weighing on his mind, that heā€™s deliberately keeping to himself. )
( Something must have surely happened to him when he went outside, but why wonā€™t he say anything? Thatā€™s weirdā€¦ )
ā€” stretches and yawns ā€”
Anyway, thereā€™s no point in overthinking it. As long as it doesnā€™t damage his and our reputation, itā€™s not worth worrying about.
Place: Ayatoā€™s room
Ayato: ( Phew, I managed to slip into my bed without waking Shu up. )
( The last thing I needed was a lecture about sneaking off to the club as an idol and nearly getting caught. )
( Haaā€¦ what a mess. I really made a fool of myself today, didnā€™t I? )
( If it werenā€™t for that girl, Iā€™d probably be in the hospital right now, all over the news for alcohol poisoning. )
( Man, that wouldā€™ve totally wrecked my careerā€¦ )
???: Heh, where have you been?
Ayato: ā€¦!
( Was thatā€”)
O-Oi, youā€™re not sleeping!?
Shu: I was until a certain someone tripped over the WI-FI cable and woke me up.
Ayato: ( Fuck! )
Shu: But whatever, I answered your question, so now itā€™s your turn to answer mine.
ā€” opens one eye and looks at him ā€”
Ayato: ( Waitā€¦ I could just make something up and play it off as the truth! )
( Heh, exactly! Thereā€™s no way heā€™d be able to tell itā€™s a lie! )
Just practicing. I want to be the best version of myself for the next concert, yā€™know?
Shu: Hmmā€¦ I see.
And now, whatā€™s the real answer?
Ayato: ā€¦!?
( How did heā€” )
Hah? W-What do you mean? Iā€™m telling the truth!
ā€” Shu opens both eyes and looks at him ā€”
Shu: You went there, didnā€™t you?
Ayato: ā€¦!
( This guyā€¦ he can see through me! )
How the hell did you know that I went to the night club!?
Shu: Heh~? So I was right after all. You really did go there, huh?
Ayato: ( Youā€¦ You fucking tricked me! )
Look, I know Iā€™m not the best at keeping things together, but donā€™t tell Reiji! I beg you!
If the leader finds out, the staff will know, and once the CEO hears, Iā€™m done! Heā€™ll fire me in a heartbeat, no questions asked!
Shu: Youā€™re overreacting. No idol is gonna get fired for just going to a night club.
Ayato: Man, you just donā€™t get it! Itā€™s not just about going thereā€” itā€™s what went down while I was there!
Shu: Oh? Now youā€™ve got me curious. What exactly happened?
ā€” starts piping ā€”
Ayato: ( Why do I keep getting myself in this!? )
( Haaā€¦ but I guess thereā€™s no point in running away from my issues anymore. )
Basically, I was very tired and thought of over drinking to get my mind think of something else, but the alcohol and exhaustion made a really bad combination, so my chest started aching.
I went outside to get some air, but the pain just kept getting worse until this random chick found me and gave me her water bottle.
Shu: Waitā€¦ so you got caught?
Ayato: Luckily, no! As crazy as this sounds, she didnā€™t recognize me.
Heck, she even asked for my name after I called her a cab! But of course, Iā€™m not that dumb. I knew it would have been way too risky to tell her my name.
( Honestly, I donā€™t even know why I was so anxious about it. In the end, everything worked out just fine, and I bet that girl will forget all about it in a few hours anyway. )
Shu: Hmmā€¦ you do realize that might have merely been an act, donā€™t you?
Ayato: Huh? What do you meanā€¦?
Shu: Women are sly as foxes.
Theyā€™ll play all innocent and clueless, behaving like they have no idea whatā€™s going on, but in reality, theyā€™re just getting exactly what they want without anyone even realizing it.
Heh, itā€™s almost impressive how they pull it off.
Ayato: Waitā€¦ so you mean that girl knew who I was and only pretended not to so as to stalk me? But if thatā€™s the case, thenā€”ā€”
Shu: Haaā€¦ no need to scream, itā€™s almost 3 in the morning.
Iā€™m not saying sheā€™s a stalker, but you should probably be more cautious.
You know how fangirls are. If they see you talking to any girl thatā€™s not them, theyā€™ll lose it. Better to just watch out and avoid any unnecessary trouble.
ā€” closes eyes again ā€”
Not just for you, but for everyone else around too.
Ayatoā€™s monologue
Shuā€™s right. I need to step up my game and start taking this job more seriously.
Being an idol isnā€™t just a paycheck; itā€™s a responsibility that goes far beyond me.
Every choice I make carries weight, and not just for my future, but for the companyā€™s and everyone I work with.
Yeahā€¦ Exactly. If I let my career fall apart, itā€™s not only me whoā€™ll feel itā€” the whole team, every project, and all the hard work weā€™ve put into this place will take a hit as well.
Thatā€™s why, from now on, Iā€™m done making stupid decisions that could mess everything up. My focus is on my idol activities and nothing else.
I should have realized from the moment I signed the contract that living like a normal teenager just isnā€™t part of the deal anymore.
*Timeskip*
Place: Hotel kitchen
Yui: ( Working here is surprisingly relaxing. Not only that, but the co-workers I met seem very nice too! )
( Iā€™m really excited to put my cooking skills to good use. From what I remember, this hotel has a great reputation, therefore itā€™s truly amazing to learn from such experienced professionals. )
???: Noooo!!!
Yui: ā€¦!?
( Itā€™s coming from the storeroom! )
ā€” quickly opens it ā€”
???: ā€¦.!
Yui: Hana-san!
I-I heard you scream, are you alright?
Hana: Waā€”ā€¦ Was I really that loud? This is so embarrassingā€¦ Iā€™m so sorry!
ā€” covers face with hands ā€”
Yui: Ah, thereā€™s no need to worry about that, itā€™s fine.
More importantly, what happened? Did something scare you?
Hana: No, Iā€™m not scared, more likeā€¦ disappointed.
In case you havenā€™t heard already, the SAKAMAKIS are filming a special episode for their YouTube channel at three different locations, and guess what? My two favorite members are coming to this hotel in 4 days, but the issue is... itā€™s happening right when Iā€™m not on shiftā€¦!
ā€” starts crying ā€”
On top of that, I promised my sister Iā€™d visit her in Fukuoka, since we'll both be off work at the same time, which means that thereā€™s absolutely no way I can meet them now!
This is such terrible timingā€¦!
Yui: ( SAKAMAKISā€¦ Based on Hana-sanā€™s intense reaction, they must be some sort of important public figures, no? )
Owwā€¦ it does sound unfortunate, but you shouldnā€™t give up hope completely. After all, you live in Japan, so Iā€™m sure thereā€™s always a chance youā€™ll get to meet them!
Hana: Itā€™s not as easy as you sayā€¦
They will return to Korea soon, and who knows when theyā€™ll promote in Japan again? This was my only opportunity to see them outside of the concertsā€¦ and I couldnā€™t even manage to get any decent seats there.
ā€” pouts ā€”
Yui: ( Wait, did she say ā€˜concertsā€™? )
Ohh, I see. So theyā€™re idols!
Hana: Eh? Youā€¦ You actually donā€™t know the SAKAMAKISā€”!?
Yui: W-Wellā€¦ Iā€™m sorry, the name doesn't really ring a bell, and to be honest, I canā€™t say Iā€™m familiar with the idol world in general.
Hana: But come on, you must have at least seen their faces before, right?
ā€” shows her a picture of them ā€”
Yui: ( Will she be let down again if I say ā€˜noā€™? )
( Hmmā€¦ But truth be told, these boys are undeniably good-looking, and itā€™s clear that they must be hardworking as well, considering how they manage to juggle such hectic schedules. )
( I can easily see why theyā€™ve captured the hearts of such passionate fans. )
ā€” eyes suddenly widen ā€”
( The red-haired oneā€”ā€”! )
ā€” blushes ā€”
Hana: So, who did steal Yui-sanā€™s heart~?
Yui: Ah, n-nobodyā€¦!
ā€” gets embarrassed ā€”
Itā€™s just that the boy in middleā€¦ he got an incredibly well-featured face. I donā€™t know how to put it into words, but he simply appears unreal.
( To think that a human could look like thisā€¦ it makes me a bit envious. His eyes and face shape are especially pretty. )
ā€” Hana starts laughing ā€”
Yui: ( Eh? Did I say something wrong? )
Hana: Get in line, thatā€™s Ayato-san!
Hmphā€¦ just the thought of not being able to see his tiny, perfect face up close makes my heart ache.
Yui: ( Hana-sanā€¦ she really seems to love this group a lot. )
( I can't help but think that if I were in her shoes, I'd feel hurt too not being able to see someone I admire so muchā€¦ )
Hey, Hana-sanā€¦ I know itā€™s not exactly the same as having it personally from him, but if itā€™s possible, Iā€™d be more than willing to ask Ayato-san for an autograph on your behalf!
Hana: Ehā€”? Would you really do that for me!?
Yui-san, you are the best!
ā€” hugs her ā€”
Yui: I-Itā€™s nothing, really.
Hana: Wait a littleā€”! Now that I think about it, you could also totally grab a photo with them! Isnā€™t that wonderful?
( I canā€™t believe it! This way Iā€™ll be just one person away from Ayato-san! )
Yui: Uuhā€¦ Iā€™m sure itā€™d be a nice memory to look back on, but wouldnā€™t it bother you if I did? After all, youā€™ve been their loyal fan all this time, not me.
Besides, thereā€™s no guarantee that they would agree to take a picture with an ordinary person such as myself.
Hana: That doesnā€™t matter, silly! Theyā€™re super chill with their fans, and everyone says they never turn down a picture requestā€” unless theyā€™re busy, of course. Thereā€™s no way theyā€™d refuse you, especially not in a setting like this.
You also mentioned being captivated by Ayato-sanā€™s visuals, so fan or not, I think anyone would jump at the chance to take a picture with such a fine man~!
Yuiā€™s monologue
Hana-san and I continued to talk about it for a while, and during our conversation, she suggested a few of their songs for me to listen to on my way back to the Airbnb.
At first, I wasnā€™t sure what to expect, but as I played each one, I was pleasantly surprised.
While Iā€™m still not very knowledgeable about this group, the melodies, the lyrics, and even the energy in their performances were captivating in a way I hadnā€™t expected.
That Ayato boyā€¦ he seems like someone who was born to be on stage. Such charisma and beautyā€¦ It really makes me wonder how he acts off-cameras.
Hana-san has clearly supported the SAKAMAKIS for such a long time, and to finally get the chance to meet them, only to have it slip through her fingers, must be heartbreaking.
A part of me canā€™t shake the feeling of guilt, even though I know very well that it wasnā€™t my or anyoneā€™s fault.
It might not be a fair comparison, I know, but it reminded me of the boy I met yesterday.
He has probably forgotten about me already, but just like Hana-san dreams of meeting her idols, I find myself wishing to meet him again.
Authorā€™s note:
* In case you're wondering why Ayato is sharing a room with Shu and not Laito, many companies assign roommates to idols randomly. The idea is that idols are supposed to get along with everyone, so the arrangement is made to promote harmony and teamwork, regardless of personal preferences.
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a-d-nox Ā· 3 days ago
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how to find your word/theme for the new year
oftentimes, people like to know what their theme is for the next year. they want keywords! stuff that is short sweet and to the point (i am gonna do a bit of an explanation for why i picked the word but you will get what i mean). grab your solar return charts - yes, charts! chances are you will be experiencing two general themes in the year (unless you were born the week before the new year or the week following the new year).
my birthday is in october, so it feels like i get a head start on the theme that will take up a majority of my next year. at the same time, i have these two random months at the end of the year that are not the same as the bulk of my year...
so looking at your solar return charts - we want to examine the 1h! the 1h will tell us what is the driving force of the year. so on to my examples for my year (assuming i don't move):
january to october
1h sagittarius (9Ā°, 21Ā°): grow, explore, optimism, freedom, etc
1h ruler in 6h: routine, health, work, service, etc
combining the themes
balance: sagittarius demands personal growth and expansion but 6h requires service and the support of others, if not the support of your body.
expand: sagittarius and jupiter wish to explore new opportunities - the 6h is about health and the job you do, so this could be about expanding your personal development in terms of how you nourish your body or seeking out new job opportunities that will aid your personal development.
harmony: there is a natural opposition oftentimes between asc and 6h (at least using WHS)... so this could be a year of boundaries learning how to balance self-assertion while also being generous towards others.
wellness: both then 1h and the 6h are tied to the body in some way shape and form... and sagittarius is a natural explorer, so this could be a time for you to explore your health, your fitness routine, dna, etc. chance are there is something you can learn to become a better version of yourself physically!
november to december
1h aries (1Ā°, 13Ā°, 25Ā°): courage, assert, lead, confidence, self trust, etc
1h ruler in 8h: transform, power, growth, heal, etc
1h chiron: confront, wisdom, transform, self-acceptance, etc
asc square moon: integrate, present, feel, etc
combining the themes
empower: there is a lot at play in the end portion of the year and for a majority of 2026 for me. with the asc square moon and 1h chiron it seems likely learning to confront being hurt and to be okay with being not okay. 1h ruler in 8h and 1h aries can be about feeling encouraged to reclaim power over a situation. mars/ares is a battle god he has seen some shit and still standing tall, scars and all.
heal: playing off of the themes discussed in "empower", it takes strength and courage to say you want to heal and get better - to no longer want active wounds but scars instead. this is a more focused, emphasized look at 1h ruler in 8h and 1h chiron.
release OR resilience: asc square moon and 1h ruler in the 8h demand a catharsis. let go of what is no longer serving you emotionally. unpack the mental and emotional baggage you carry with you. emerge stronger (1h aries) and wiser (1h chiron) for doing so.
self-acceptance: aries is the 1st sign of the zodiac and often is referred to as the child of the bunch. 1h ruler in the 8h may require you to dig through emotional past stuff. asc square moon is all the emotional stuff you still have bottled up and haven't released yet. 1h chiron are wounds you can't heal yourself... you have learn to embrace everything - hug your inner child because they need it, go through the past stuff and process it, accept those bottled emotions because they have been a part of you for so long, and recognize you can't always patch up your own wounds. accept who you are as a whole - baggage, blood, bottles, and all.
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psychologeek Ā· 18 minutes ago
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Thank you for your reply!
By your answer, I guess you aren't Jewish.
Oh, it's gonna be long.
Short:
This is very much NOT the definition of Zionism.
Herzel was very secular.
"God's redemption plan" - you're Christian, aren't you. Please stop projecting your cultural obsession.
Judaism, Palestine, Yisrael (word origins)
Longer:
Defining
See, the problem is "I define X as..." Without being part of X. This is problematic.
Can you imagine?
"I define feminism as the belief that women should have rights, and only women."
"I define the gay movement as the belief that people should be able to fuck in public and molest children"
Can you see how problematic it is to define something by what haters say about it?
Zionism
Theodore Herzel was highly affected by the Dreyfus trial, which he witnessed as a journalist. That made him realise that both the idea of emancipation (autonomous government under a larger Goy government) is not the solution. That the only way Jews would actually be save would be to be to have a Jewish self-govern state.
This come along with the Hibat Zion movement, that was mostly eastern Europe (Russia kingdom) and started 1881-82, as a result of the mass Pogroms (Sufot Banegev) and the May Laws.
"Zion" is one of the ancient names of Eretz Yisrael (and partly for Jerusalem).
Jews and Eretz Yisrael
The longing for Eretz Yisrael (the land of Yisrael, as in our ancestor) is as old as the exiles - you can see the Sigd, a holly day still held by the Beta Yisrael community (from Ethiopia) and had been for the last 2,500 years, as they didn't return after the 70-year/first exile.
Or 2,000 years for the rest, if you count from the second (Roman) exile. And Eretz Yisrael has always been part of our culture and hopes and prayers. We pray 3 times a day (each contains a spesific part about going back to Jerusalem). We say Bracha, a blessing, before and after every time we eat.
Our 3 main holidays, were used to be celebrated in Beyt Hamikdash. We still remember how it was. We still pray to do it again.
We mourn every year about what happened. We have a day in which we fast for 25 hours and cry and mourn. Which is at the end of 3 weeks of grief.
Erezt Yisrael, by any other name, has been in the Jewish DNA.
And there have always been Jews in Israel. 4 communities are famous for having over 2,000 years of unstopped Jewish community: Zfad, Tiberias, Jerusalem, and Hebron (the latter's Jewish community had been murdered in the pogrom of 1929. And since then, no Jews lived there - until the new Jewish community, 1979s, which people now call "colonizers". Bc they... uh... Are Jews who bought back houses originally owned by jews. No I'm not bitter at all.
"But there weren't jews in Israel -"
I mean there were??
But also.
The low number was highly affected by things like pogroms (Zfad, for example, had 4 massive ones during 1538-1929. And that's only what I have memorized). The Jewish community of Gaza City has been exiled 3 times 1830s-1929 (when they didn't return). Restrictions on immigration were put in place - ONLY for jews btw, in 1882.
(Also restrictions on Jewish immigration in the USA. I wonder why. Surely had nothing to do with other things that happened in 1881-2 that may cause many jews to consider immigration. )
Oh, we were murdered and exiled so so many times.
~
Kahanizm (isn't Zionism)
Any "only jews should live in Israel" opinion is a minority so small that. Like.
It's part of Kahanizm. Just to explain, the political party mostly failed to reach minimal votes in the elections (in Israel, the coalition is combined of multiple parties) and was at some point forbidden for running by the high court. Kahana has been imprisoned in both Israel and USA for his actions. This is so un-spread, that even most of far-right in Israel would disagree with him. Do you understand now?
Judaism:
Jews are called Jews in english (and some other languages) bc it comes from "Judaism" which come from "Judea" aka Mamlechet Yehudah (Kingdom of Judea), the southern kingdom during the 2 kingdoms era, and the last Hebrew kingdom to fall. That what we were named by the Romans -
But not only. You can see it since the first exile.
In the Book of Esther, with Mordechai ("Mordechai ben Shim'i ben Kish... Ish Yemini" (from the tribe of Binyamin). But also "Mordechai Ha'Yehudi" - which implies it refers to the place he was exiled from (Yehuda).
Palestine:
While we're at it, do you know what's the origin of the name?
The Romans (AKA colonists) has re-named the area after the great Jewish rebellion in the 1st century CE.
They named it after the Plishtim, that were big enemies of the jews, as a tactic of humiliation. Also known as "goyey hayam" (the sea people/invaders) who came from Greece.
(They also renamed our holly city as "Ilya Kapitolina", and salted the land. They also killed almost everyone in it, and enslaved most of the others. They also destroyed our Temple, Beyt Hamikdash.)
Also, "Palestine" has never been a sovereign country? I'm sort of confused why ppl keep it on.
Modern-day Israel is almost exactly in the borders of ancient kingdom of Israel.
Edit: Jewish-only poll is posted here
*This poll was submitted to us and we simply posted it so people could vote and discuss their opinions on the matter. If youā€™d like for us to ask the internet a question for you, feel free to drop the poll of your choice in our inbox and weā€™ll post them anonymously (for more info, please check our pinned post).
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valkyrieromanoff Ā· 2 days ago
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SLIM PICKINS: LEO CAMPOLI X YOU
synopsis: you didnā€™t expect to fall for Leo Campoliā€™s cheeky and relentless flirting, but one thingā€™s for sure, hormones and a devilishly handsome pizza chef are a combination too hard to resist.
words: 1.7k
warnings: MDNI, +18, porn without a plot, unprotected sex, drinking.
a/n: hello there, I rewatched Little Italy this afternoon, and I couldnā€™t resist writing something about Leo. Heā€™s got that irresistible flirtatious charm, but letā€™s be realā€”deep down, heā€™s just a hopeless romantic. šŸ„°
I hope you enjoy it! As always, comments, reblogs, and likes mean the world to me. šŸ’• My inbox is wide open for requests, so donā€™t be shy!
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Jesus, what's a girl to do? This boy doesn't even know the difference between there, their, and they are Yet he's naked in my room
You hadnā€™t planned on ending up in bed with the most notorious flirt in Little Italy. Leo Campoli was exactly the kind of guy your friends warned you aboutā€”too cocky for his own good, with that smug grin and a knack for cheesy pick-up lines.Ā 
He was always draping himself around women at the pool table, his hands resting a little too low on their waists, his chest pressed firmly against their backs as he ā€œtaughtā€ them how to shoot. His smooth, easy laughter filled the room, drawing attention like a magnet.Ā Ā 
You told yourself you were better than that. You werenā€™t about to fall for his charm, no matter how persistent he was or how annoyingly attractive he looked under the dim bar lights. But damn it, youā€™d been horny ever since you got off the plane, and no amount of cocktails or beers had dulled the fire simmering inside you.Ā Ā 
So when Leo swaggered up to you, his dark blue eyes full of mischief and his grin downright sinful, you didnā€™t resist. He flirted shamelessly, his words dripping with confidence, and his hands strayed just enough to make your heart race.Ā 
All those warnings and self-promises melted away with every heated kiss and teasing laugh. Leo Campoli might have been trouble, but for now, you didnā€™t care.Ā Ā 
Leo flashed that infamous grin as he stepped closer, one hand coming to rest on the small of your back to pull your hips flush against his own. "What you say we get out of here and have our own little party, huh?" he purred, dark blue eyes glinting with lust and promise under the dim lights of the bar.
His other hand tipped your chin up, thumb brushing across your plump bottom lip as he leaned in, breath hot against your ear. "I promise I'll make it a night you won't forget, bellissima," Leo murmured, voice low and smooth like honey. "Whaddya say?"
Leo's eyes fluttered closed as your soft lips met his, a low groan rumbling in his chest. His hand slid from your back to tangle in your silky curls, tilting your head to deepen the kiss. The other hand your hip, pulling your body tighter against him as he claimed your mouth with renewed hunger.
He nipped at your bottom lip before soothing it with his tongue, tasting the whiskey and desire on your breath. Leo's tongue delved past your parted lips to stroke along yours, coaxing you to dance with him, to give in to the fire building between you two.
"Mmm, you taste even better than I imagined," Leo murmured against your mouth, voice husky with want. His hands roamed your lush curves greedily, relishing the feel of your breasts pressed against him, the flare of your hips, the firm globes of your ass. "Let's get out of here, bellissima. My place is just upstairs..."
"Yes, please." You nodded, letting him guide you.
Leo's grin widened, triumph and lust burning in his eyes as he took your hand, leading you swiftly towards the back staircase. His palm was warm and slightly calloused, enveloping yours smaller one completely. The bulge in his jeans pressed against your hip as you climbed the stairs, promising pleasures to come.
Reaching the top, he fished a key from his pocket and unlocked the door to his apartment. Leo ushered you inside, the door clicking shut behind them. The space was dimly lit, the air thick with tension and the scent of alcoholic drinks and desire.Ā 
A couch sat against one wall, a coffee table strewn with empty beer bottles and takeout containers. A door led to what you assumed was the bedroom, and beyond it, the city lights twinkled through a large window.
But Leo didn't give you much time to take in your surroundings before he was on you again, strong hands gripping your waist and spinning you to face him. He captured your mouth in a passionate kiss, the heat of his body enveloping you, his hardness evident through the fabric of his jeans.
"Fuck, I want you," Leo groaned against your lips, hands sliding down to squeeze the firm globes of your ass. He rocked his hips into yours, letting you feel exactly what you did to him. "Want to touch every inch of this pretty body"
"So stop wasting time talking and do it." You teased him, a smile playing on your lips.
A wicked grin split Leo's face at your bold words, eyes glinting with unchecked desire. "As you wish, bellezza," he purred, hands already working at the buttons of your top.
Buttons popped open one by one until the material fell away, revealing the creamy swell of your breasts, clad in a lacy bra that did little to hide your hardened nipples.
Leo's breath caught, eyes hungry as they roamed your newly exposed flesh. "Dio mio, you're stunning," he breathed, before ducking his head to press open-mouthed kisses along the curve of your breast.Ā 
His hands found the clasp of your bra, unhooking it with ease before tossing it aside. Cool air kissed your heated skin a moment before his mouth closed around one straining peak, tongue swirling and suckling greedily.
One hand slid down to the hem of your skirt, pushing it up around your thighs as he caressed the smooth skin there. His fingertips danced along the edge of your panties, teasing, before slipping beneath the fabric to cup your cunt. He groaned around your nipple as he felt your slick folds, fingers stroking through your wetness.
"Already so wet for me, huh bellissima? Can't wait to sink my cock deep in this tight little cunt," Leo murmured, voice muffled against your breast. Two fingers pushed inside you, pumping slowly, as his thumb found your clit, rubbing firm circles around the sensitive nub.
"Too much talk and not enough action." You replied breathlessly, trying to maintain a semblance of composure even as your legs began to wobble for him.
"Mmm, you want action, bellezza? I'll give you action," Leo growled, a wicked glint in his eye. In one swift motion, he swept the remaining clothes off the couch and laid you down on the worn leather, his hard body covering yours a second later.
His hands made quick work of your skirt and panties, nearly tearing them in his haste to get you naked. Then he was settling between your spread thighs, the thick length of his cock nudging against your slick entrance.Ā 
Leo's eyes locked with your, dark and intense blue orbs, as he gripped your hips and thrust forward, sheathing himself to the hilt inside your tight heat with one powerful stroke.
A guttural moan tore from his throat at the wonderful feel of you, your walls clenching like a chiffon around his throbbing flesh. "Fuck, bellezza, you feel incredible," Leo rasped, hips starting to move, pulling nearly all the way out before slamming back in, setting a hard, driving rhythm.
The obscene sound of skin slapping against skin filled the room as he took you with deep, forceful thrusts, each one hitting that magical spot deep inside you that made fireworks fly behind your eyelids.Ā 
One hand slid beneath your ass, tilting your hips to take him even deeper as the other snaked between your sweat-slicked bodies to find your clit, rubbing tight circles around the sensitive bundle of nerves.
"fuck" You moaned, your head hitting the arm of the couch with Leo's thrusts, your arm around his shoulder. "faster"
"Fuck, you like that, bellezza? You want it faster?" Leo snarled, a sheen of sweat breaking out across his brow as he doubled his efforts.Ā 
His hips slammed into yours with brutal force, the couch creaked and groaned beneath you, threatening to give way under the intensity of his thrusts.
His fingers flew over your clit, rubbing mercilessly, pushing you towards that peak you so desperately craved. The thick head of his cock kissed your cervix with each powerful lunge, stoking the fire burning low in your belly. Leo's muscles rippled beneath your touch, his skin slick with endeavour as he rutted into you wildly.
"Yes, fuck, just like that," You cried out, nails digging into his shoulders, urging him on as he split you open on his thick shaft. Your untouched breasts bounced with each thrust, hardened nipples grazing his chest. The sensation of his hard length driving into you, his fingers on your clit, pushed you closer and closer to the cliff.
"Come on, bellezza, come on my cock. I want to feel this sweet cunt squeezing me tight when you let go," Leo demanded, his voice a low, lustful growl. He could feel his own release fast approaching, balls drawing up tight as he chased your shared end.
"Dio mio, yes, fuck!" Leo roared, eyes squeezing shut as his hips jerked erratically.Ā 
With a last powerful thrust, he buried himself to the hilt inside you spasming depths, hot seed erupting from his throbbing cock in thick spurts. His body shuddered and twitched as he emptied himself inside you, filling you with his essence.Ā 
Panting harshly, Leo collapsed against you, careful not to crush you with his weight. He peppered your face and neck with soft kisses as the waves of pleasure slowly ebbed.Ā 
"Mmm, that was... incredible, bellezza," he murmured against your skin, still buried deep inside your warmth. Leo made no move to pull out, enjoying the feel of your fluttering walls around his spent cock.Ā 
His arms wrapped around you, holding you close. "You okay, sweetheart? I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asked softly, pushing himself up to look at you.
You smiled lazily, the post-orgasmic glow shining on your sweaty skin. ā€œNo, I enjoyed every moment.ā€
Leo flashed a satisfied grin at your words, still nestled snugly inside your warm, silky walls. "Good, because that was just the beginning, bellissima," he purred, one hand reaching up to caress your cheek tenderly. "Wait until you see what I have planned next."
He rolled to the side, pulling you with him so you were spooning on the couch, his softening cock still buried deep in your heat. Leo's hand drifted down to your hip, thumb stroking the curve gently as he nuzzled into your neck with a contented sigh.Ā 
"You know, I have to confess, I didn't expect tonight to go quite like this," Leo murmured, lips brushing your skin. "But I'm sure as hell glad it did."Ā 
He pressed a kiss to your shoulder blade, arms tightening around your waist. "Stay the night with me, bellezza?ā€™
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witchthewriter Ā· 3 days ago
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š‘šžššššžš« š¬š©šžš§šš¢š§š  š­š”šž š§š¢š š”š­ š°š¢š­š” š‰ššššž š°šØš®š„š š¢š§šœš„š®ššž
ā¤· gender neutral, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!
a/n: I combined a few requests together for this post. Hope you don't mind that! I think it works though! Also, with the nsfw it's more geared to female presenting people.
į“¹įµƒĖ¢įµ—įµ‰Ź³Ė”į¶¤Ė¢įµ— | į“¹įµƒĖ¢įµ—įµ‰Ź³Ė”į¶¤Ė¢įµ— į“µį“µ
惻It was sunset and Jade had already led you to the bar.
惻His hands were fidgety, and it gave you a bit of relief; since you thought you were going to have a panic attack every second of today.
惻But the anxiety slowly seeped away when you were with Jade
惻And when you entered the usually messy bar, you couldn't help but grin.
惻Jade had gathered as many candles as he could and lit them throughout the bar, trying to create a certain atmosphere
惻You two were in the throesĀ of a new relationship; testing the waters, trying to keep something alive in this town was nearly impossible - since everyone wanted to leave
惻One thing that you've found is that whenever you're in the room, Jade is usually staring at you
惻You've noticed him do little things for you, that he would absolutely never do in a million years
惻It's what made you like him more and more. Special treatment was nice.
惻It was you who brought up the idea;
"I thought, maybe, since ya know ... I was just wondering if I could stay the night at the bar. The Matthews have kind of taken over the house..."
He gave a small smile, which turned into a smirk.
"I can't argue against that."
惻You could tell he was flirting and a burst of butterflies erupted in your stomach. It always did around Jade. You wished you could control yourself better...
惻So this would be your first time alone, at night, together.
惻When the time came to close the curtains and lock the doors, you were already having a drink with Jade
惻He had made certain that no creature could enter the bar; especially not when someone as precious as you was there
惻Jade felt this overwhelming need to protect you. To take care of you, to be some sort of ... guardian.
惻He's never felt that way before.
惻Not until you had waltzed into town (okay not waltzed but you know what I mean) and threw yourself into theories, experiments; ways to get out of here
惻Unlike some people who seemed happy to go along with their day to day duties
惻Jade liked you because of your passion.
惻And now, after two of those horrible homemade drinks, you were flushed, with a heavily beating heart.
惻Jade still looked handsome, even though he looked a mess.
惻He was in the middle of telling you a story, of telling you things that he would never say to anyone else.
惻Both of you were on the bench, your hand barely brushing his very larger one.
"...and now I'm here! In some sort of hell...although it can't be hell. Because you're here." He mumbled on, his own cheek feeling flush.
惻Your pinky wrapped around his and he squeezed.
"Thank you for telling me," you said quietly, and slowly turned to look Jade in the eyes, "-I want you to know I'm here for you."
惻A shiver went up Jade's spine, his neck was giving away his feelings. You couldn't help but smile.
惻But then a shiver went down your own spine, for an entirely different reason.
惻Knock...knock...knock...
A high pitched, 'kind' voice sounded from behind the door.
"Hello? Is anybody in there? I need some help!"
惻You and Jade looked at each other, his hand coming to clasp your own.
He moved closer to you, and whispered in your ear, "It's alright, everything is locked. We have the talisman. They'll leave."
惻He nodded his head and motioned for you to take a few deep breaths. You did.
"I know you're in there! Jade, and his new love!" The woman taunted.
惻Those words struck Jade to the core. If they knew that. Then the creatures would surely use it against him somehow.
惻But he didn't want to worry you, so he just smiled, and thought of a way to release you both from the clutches of fear.
"Trust me?" Jade said, entwining your fingers.
"Yes," your response came out as a whisper.
惻Standing up, he lent you against the bench and went about starting to blow out the majority of the candles.
惻Then he brought the rest into his room and beckoned you to follow.
惻Walking in after him, he placed the candles down and closed the door.
惻It felt safer in here. It did. Because you couldn't hear the taunting.
"You can...sit down if you like."
"Thanks," you chuckled and sat on the bed. Taking off your shoes and socks.
š‘¹š’†š’š’‚š’•š’Šš’š’š’”š’‰š’Šš’‘ š‘»š’“š’š’‘š’†š’”
You Fall First (You) x They Fall Harder (Jade)
Overly Arrogant, Flirty (Jade) x Absolutely Unfazed (You)
Oblivious (You) x Constantly Admiring Them (Jade)
š‘·š’š’š’• š‘»š’“š’š’‘š’†
Intertwined Destinies
Shared Vision and Purpose
Bickering and Banter
š‘»š’‰š’†š’Žš’† š‘ŗš’š’š’ˆ
Hold On by Tom Waits
R U Mine by the Arctic Monkeys
Back To Black by the Brian Ferry Orchestra
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š‘š‘†š¹š‘ŠĀ šŸ”ž No one under the age of 18 past this point, makes me feel weird if you read it.
惻As a lover, Jade is all-consuming. He loves taking charge (when he knows you're completely onboard with it)
惻However, he does love to make you squirm. To slowly place kisses here and there, his breath hot, tongue lightly licking as he goes along.
"You're not being fair," you whine, drowning out the fear that was once holding you back.
"je te savoure," is his reply. Low and gravelly.
惻Jade's large hands gently remove your shirt, and then with a nod of your head, he unclasps your bra
惻Laying you down gently onto the bed, he takes off his shirt and balances himself on the bed
惻You can't help but giggle, it's such a small bed. It's better than nothing...
惻Jade smiles back at you, but it turns into a smirk. His eyes darken, and your nipples harden.
"You're okay with this?" He near-growls.
"Yes, now come here-"
惻You saw his length harden through his pants as you moved to touch your bare breasts. Massaging and pinching your nipples.
惻Jade climbs ontop of you, hovering above you
惻Your legs wrap around his waist, which forces Jade to lower himself to you.
"I want you," Jade said close to your ear, then he started nibbling on your earlobe.
惻Reaching out, you started touching him. His shoulders, neck, arms. He was so warm. And had many freckles.
惻Your mouth kissed his shoulder and you finally got to taste him. Salty, musky, you could slightly taste the soap he's been using.
惻You gave his shoulder a small bite and he laughed, doing the same to you.
"You don't understand how much I've needed you. Not just like this; underneath me. But, close. To be able to call you mine."
惻Goosebumps erupted all over your skin, you didn't realise how much he wanted you. Because fuck, you've wanted him for so long.
"I am yours."
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A sneak peek of the next chapter of Come Away, O Human Child
ā€œWhere did all the water go?ā€
ā€œAll right, you can just drop Chris off at Abuelaā€™s after you two get back from the pier todayā€¦sheā€™s gonna keep him overnight,ā€ Eddie says as he enters the kitchen, still threading his belt through the loops on his pants.
Buck salutes him half-heartedly with his coffee mug, still mostly asleep and slumped over on the kitchen table. He makes a vaguely content noise when Eddie runs his hand through his hair on the way to the coffeepot, reaching up to snag his partnerā€™s wrist and reeling him in for a brief, toothpaste-flavored kiss before letting him go. He watches Eddie fill his travel mug and add cream and sugar to his liking, enjoying the way the early-morning sunlight creeping in through the window over the sink paints his partnerā€™s skin in warm, golden light.
ā€œYou sure you still feel like taking him out? You could just go see a movie or somethingā€”or even just hang out and play video games all day. He wonā€™t be disappointed,ā€ Eddie says, rifling through the pantry and pulling out a couple of protein bars. Bobby will no doubt have an actual breakfast going at the firehouse. Just last week, Buck probably would have woken Chris up a little early and following Eddie in to eat at the 118 before setting out with Chris on their planned adventure.
He doesnā€™t want to right now, though. He doesnā€™t want to even see Bobby, and he knows he wouldnā€™t be able to hide his upset from the rest of the team.
ā€œYeah, ā€˜course,ā€ he mumbles finally, when Eddie turns back to him with a raised eyebrow and he realizes he hasnā€™t actually answered the question. He sits up, scrubbing a hand over his face. ā€œWhy wouldnā€™t I be?ā€
Eddie presses his lips together, glancing at his watch before sitting down at the table across from him. He slides his hand onto the tabletop, turning it over so his palm is open in invitation, and Buck takes it in an instant. ā€œYouā€™ve been really quiet since the party. And I meanā€¦I know I said Iā€™d give you time to get your head around whatever it is. Butā€¦I dunno, I just donā€™t want you to think I havenā€™t noticed.ā€
Buckā€™s hand tightens around Eddieā€™s, almost involuntarily. The words, combined with the genuine concern and care he can read in his partnerā€™s dark eyes, settling like a warm, solid weight in his chest. ā€œIā€™m all right,ā€ he says softly, and for the moment itā€™s almost true.
Eddie watches him a moment longer, his gaze sharp and assessing, before finally nodding. ā€œAll right. But I still mean itā€”weā€™re sitting down while Chris is at Abuelaā€™s and weā€™re hashing everything out. Weā€™ve got this, okay?ā€
Buck both desperately wants and desperately wants to avoid that conversation. He is ashamed to admit it, but heā€™s afraid to tell Eddie what he learned about what Bobby has been doing behind the scenes to delay his recertification. Afraid to tell him about the conversation he had with Eddieā€™s mother right before the shield ceremony. Try as he might, he cannot drown out the part of him insisting that Eddie will agree with them. Maybe not at firstā€¦but after he has time to sit back and really think about it? After he takes a good, hard look at their arguments and reasons?
Unwanted thing. Unloved thing.
He shakes his head, trying to banish the queasy feeling in his gut that never quite vanishes lately. Deep down, he knows itā€™s not really fair to assume what Eddieā€™s thoughts will beā€”isnā€™t that partially how he got into the whole mess of not being able to speak about his curse with people who donā€™t already know about it? He knows heā€™s not doing right by Eddie, not doing right by this new thing that has sprouted between them and quickly become the most important of all the roots grounding Buck in LAā€¦but he canā€™t bring himself to stop, either.
Unwanted.
ā€œI know we do,ā€ he says instead, swallowing back all his fears, all his doubts, swallowing them down and forcing them aside for just a little longer. Just a little more time, he thinksā€¦a little more time to soak up this up, to wrap himself in the beautiful, impossible dream of this life, this family, this man for just a little longer.
Waitā€¦thatā€¦that makes no sense. Eddieā€™s notā€¦he hasnā€™t given any indication that heā€™s not just as in this as Buck is. He isnā€™t acting like itā€™s all temporary. Heā€™s pulled Buck right into the center of his family, with him and Chris. Heā€™s carved out space in his home, his life, offered it all up to Buck. Eddieā€™s mother is wrong. Eddieā€™s not going to just toss him aside for someone elseā€”he would never do that to Buck. Why is heā€”
His head aches.
Poor unwanted thingā€¦
ā€œWhere did all the water go?ā€
*
The water rushes around him, battering, pulling, clawing at his body. Debris slams into himā€”wood, garbage, carnival toys, branches, food, the collected detritus of the boardwalk that is now underwater and he can barely cling to the string of lights stretching over him. His ocean boon burns on his chest, the magic Sara and Rafael gifted him with feeling like acid dripping through him as he turns his head and vomits up water heā€™d swallowed. The boon makes it hard for him to drown in seawaterā€”will help him stay afloat, will force his body to expel water, can increase his lung capacity.
But it is not gentle about it.
ā€œChristopher!ā€ he screams. ā€œChris!ā€ He searches the churning, frothing water, his eyes darting over the debris bobbing along like toys in some giantā€™s bathtub. Cars and bikes and shopping bags and canvas tents that had housed boardwalk games, God how will he find Chris in all this? ā€œChris!ā€ he screams again, his throat burning, panic choking him. All he can hear is the roar of water, the ocean tearing into the land, racing through the streets and upending everything. He canā€™t find him. Then, faintly, so faintly he almost misses it:
ā€œBuck!ā€
He gasps, pulling himself up as far out of the water as he can. ā€œChris? Chris!ā€ He scans his surroundings, his heart pounding, fear and adrenaline crashing through him. Finally, finally he catches a glimpse of the yellow shirt Christopher was wearing, a small, dark head bobbing above the torrent. Chris clings to a streetlamp, a few dozen yards away. ā€œChristopher! I see you! Iā€™m coming!ā€
There is no room for hesitation, for planning. He closes his eyes, centers himself, and lets go of the cable, plunging back down into the rushing water. The boon pulses on his chest and he lets the magic take him, his perfect faith in the gift his friends had given him carrying him as he cuts through the wild water like an arrow, aiming as best he can for Chris. The current is strong, impossible to fight, and even the ocean boon canā€™t give him the power heā€™d need to completely control his trajectory. He ducks under the water and comes up again, straining towards the lamppost Chris is barely hanging onto. Heā€™s a strong swimmer even without the ocean boon, always has been, but the water rushing around him is a force of nature, utter chaos. Heā€™s not going to be able to hit the post head on, the current tugging him to the side, pushing him away, away, away.
ā€œGrab my hand!ā€ he bellows desperately, turning over on his back and trying to tread water, slow himself enough to give Chris time to orient himself; get ready. ā€œReach out and grab my hand!ā€
Chris tries. For a split-second Buck thinks heā€™s going to make it and he strains forward, kicking against the water, reaching for Chris as hard as he can.
ā€œNo! No, no!ā€ Not far enough. The tips of his fingers barely brush Christopherā€™s, the water carrying him away before he can latch onto the boyā€™s hand. For a moment, he thinks Chris is going to let go of the pole to try and dive after him and new horror rushes through him. ā€œNo, Chris! Stay right there!ā€
ā€œI canā€™t hold on!ā€ Christopher screams, terror cracking his small voice.
ā€œJust hold on, Christopher!ā€ he begs, searching for something, anything he can grab and brace himself on. Chris is going to lose his grip. Itā€™s going to happen and Buck will have one chance to save him. One chance to reach him. If he loses Christopher now, heā€™ll die. Heā€™ll drown in the frothing, rabid waves or heā€™ll be crushed by some flooded debris, but he will die. Buck has one chance.
He catches a drift of debris out of the corner of his eyeā€”piled up vehicles, maybe some kind of food cart, with what looks like a surfboard sticking out further into the waterā€”and twists his body, pulling towards it until he fetches up hard against the board. Christopher howls his name as he pulls himself from the water, turns, braces himself ready to leap.
He has one chance.
Christopherā€™s grip slips from the streetlamp.
"Where did all the water go?"
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The founding fathers also knew damn well that multi shot firearms already existed for a hundred years prior, and would continue to advance. Rifles (not muskets like the brits had) were common because they were cheap, but Puckle guns were privately owned in America, and supported by the founders.
For reference, that's a multi shot cannon (which Fuck biden for saying we couldn't own canons when that was a thing) capable of using multiple types of rounds based on what you were shooting at, including cubes.
Ben Franklin even produced his own rifles, specifically to advance the arms of the people. None went into mass production, largely due to the fact that mass production wasn't a thing yet.
Nobody's forcing you to defend yourself, but we all want you to have the right to. Whether that be from criminals or the government or, as we are now at risk of, a foreign government or terrorist organization (nobody recognizes ISIS, not even the Taliban).
For you to say "Nobody deserves the right to protect themselves" is more fascistic than any counter argument to yours OP. You are supporting denying people a natural right. That being the right to self-defense. And the ones you decided to bring up to move the goalposts ("assault weapons") are used to kill fewer people (in crimes) than peoples' bare hands, or blunt objects, or blades. Note: I use the word "or" specifically because those are all individual categories with more deaths than all rifles combined.
2.3 million defensive USES (meaning shots fired, not the untracked number of people pulling a pistol like I have for defense) per year vs about a half million crimes (not just murders) per year.
If you care about people, you wouldn't add more restrictions, at minimum. Just think about it. More than 4x defensive uses than offenses committed. How would those people defend themselves? Cops take 10 minutes to go one block, and the person being mugged doesn't have 10 minutes to wait plus whatever time it takes them to pull out their phone, assuming they have one.
I get it, guns can be scary, the key is to realize you likely won't have to shoot, and if you do, to be prepared for it. You can still tend to the wounds of someone that tried to kill you if you don't want to be responsible for their death.
Be safe OP. I suggest a Glock 19 or basically any .380.
Here's an Example as to why Donald Trump is fascist
Donald Trump wants Concealed Carry Reciprocity.
What is that?
In the United States, it is not automatically legal to carry a firearm in a concealed manner just because one has a firearms license. One needs to obtain a special additional permission to do so. Like most things in the United States, Concealed Carry is decided on a state-by-state basis, meaning a person's permission for Concealed Carry only applies in the state it in which it was issued.
Concealed Carry Reciprocity is the legal concept that a permission for Concealed Carry, issued in any state, applies in all states. So, if a gun owner was permitted to Concealed Carry in Oklahoma, he can currently only do so in Oklahoma. Doing it in any other state is a crime. Under Concealed Carry Reciprocity, it would not be.
What does Donald Trump intend with this?
Donald Trump knows that his most loyal followers live in deep red states, which also have the highest concentrations of gun owners. Due to the high concentrations and due to Republicans being generally against gun control, it is likelier that more gun owners in red states have Concealed Carry permission. Donald Trump wants to allow people to Concealed Carry in any state if they've received permission in one, because he knows that most people who will take advantage of this will be his most loyal followers.
Donald Trump plans to lay the groundwork for his version of Mussolini's Blackshirts and Hitler's Brownshirts, his own paramilitary force of loyal followers who are ready to attack and murder fellow citizens in open daylight for their political positions that oppose their idol. Concealed Carry Reciprocity makes it easier for them to do this.
This is fascism.
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xo-adeline Ā· 3 days ago
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Match-up Exchange with @tiredshroomi
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Blue Lock Role / Backstory
Definitely a manager under Anri, probably somebody who was founded due to your band, and then was later learned more about when Anri needed some help with taking care of all the teams in the NEL. Probably hired under the JFU, but for the most part, you would be with the other teams and helping them out in any way that you could so Anri could focus more and work more with Ego and the NEL and the planning for the World Cup.
Abilities ā‹†Ā°ā€¢ ā˜ļøŽ - Observation and Reading others
Observations - Being able to understand people and point things out is such an amazing thing in sports that definitely isnā€™t overlooked when you point something out to either Anri, Ego, or any of the other master strikers. Even if you donā€™t understand exactly what it means, that something that they happen to miss could be something very important to understand a part of the plays, or the game, being able to use that to turn the game around or make sure to prepare for something similar. Even if you work under the main part of the JFU, many of the Master Strikers will ask you to watch things of other matches in your spare time (If you havenā€™t already) and ask you what you see in terms certain criteria or even just in general sometimes so they have somebody else looking at it. However, they will try to explain to you the whole football aspect of it the first few times they have you look over something.
Reading Others - Another really good thing that can be used on the field, even if you donā€™t fully understand it. Being able to see what others are doing, even if they donā€™t know they are doing it can be good in both aspects of being on the field and working off the field. As a manager, you have to be around all of the teams, and making sure their okay is most likely one of the things you would do. Seeing things like that, and maybe even things that could be impacting their performance would be super helpful, especially in a place like Blue Lock. Most of the people there end up trusting you the most to talk to just because of that. And also that you would probably figure it out before they do.
Ego Color - Light Yellow
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Romantic - Reo Mikage
Reo I believe is both somebody who could just sit down and listen, urging you to go on even when you stop, and can be somebody who would love to have conversations with you. Though, he may ask you to slow down sometimes and may ask what you meant to say when you combine 2 words together, but never will he tell you to stop unless he absolutely has to. Thinks itā€™s absolutely adorable when you act a little ditzy, and forgetful, and every time he will try to either remind you or explain it to you. Understands what itā€™s like to be underestimated by his family and never wants to put in you that position as well, so he tries his best to not think about it in that way, especially since he knows that there are many things that you are very good in, but not everybody is good in everything. Loves being your tutor for anything you might not understand. I can definitely see you being somebody that he can rely on a lot, especially after the whole thing with Nagi and their friendship, being somebody he can turn to meant a lot to him. Tries to be somebody who boots your confidence, he sees how good you are in what you love and tries to be that person who can be your cheerleader and make you stop second-guessing yourself and get that confidence you need, even if it is just a little bit at a time. Loves putting on songs that you like, and dancing around his room with you, even if you canā€™t dance all that well, heā€™ll try his best to teach you. Watching shows with you any chance he gets is so nice for him, being able to just sit and cuddle up on the couch, starting with a show you love to watch and whether you fall asleep or not, doesnā€™t matter to him, he just loves being around you. Will gift you stuff with cinnamon whenever he gets back from someplace new, or even when heā€™s just out and around town and sees something cinnamon he thinks youā€™d like.
Friends - Bachira Meguru, and Kenyu Yukimiya
Bachira Meguru
The besties. I can just tell from reading about you. Yapping sessions are such a must with him, the topic could change every 5-10 seconds and it wouldnā€™t matter, and loves when you conversate along with him, even being somebody else to urge you and continue (though its hard to stop when you talk to him). Loves your random questions and will spend many hours trying to figure out some sort of answer with you, and even coming up with many, many, many more to solve later on. Will be somebody who will laugh at you when you hit a pole while walking, but in superpopulated areas he will try to direct you around.
Kenyu Yukimiya
Loves listening to you talk, and being able to learn all about the rabbitholes that you end up going down. Wonā€™t always talk with you, but loves to be a listener to all your rambles. Just like Reo, he tries to remember things for you, and maybe sets up reminders in texts or on your phone if you tell him about them. The person to make sure that you donā€™t hit poles while you're walking. Likes to talk about book recommendations as well, even if you donā€™t read the same genre most of the time I could see him trying one or two books that you might have talked about just to understand you better.
Who has a crush - Alexis Ness
The first time he saw you I think that he really, really liked you. He saw you talking to Yukimiya in one of the common areas and he just was enamored, just by the way you spoke and the way that you looked he wanted to be Yukimiya in that situation. Didnā€™t learn until later on that you didnā€™t really understand football and was going to try and use that as a talking point, until he learned that you were already dating Reo, and could see how happy you were when you were talking to him, or he was attempting to help you in some of your studies or learning the rules of football. Though, he does still have small conversations with you from time to time, and looks at you whenever you happen to show up in the German stratum, he can tell how happy you look with Reo and will never try to get in the middle of it.
Parental Figure - Lavhino
He may not seem like the best parental figure, but at the same time, youā€™re already friends with Bachira and he understands the way that you act. Even encourages it from time to time, he doesnā€™t mind that you like talking, and if anything heā€™ll even talk with you, about whatever it is, but most of the time he will also be talking with you. Also, somebody that would try and up your confidence, I mean he was pretty confident in himself, and he thinks, especially when he learns more about you that you should be at least a little more confident, and will very much try to get it up.
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drawfee-quot3s Ā· 7 months ago
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that's no skin off my teeth
- julia
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vidavalor Ā· 13 hours ago
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Oh, wow, I hadn't realized anyone had done the details on the records to this extent-- this is amazing! You've uncovered song titles šŸ˜ I love you fellow crazy people lol. I was actually really excited when I heard that they made up all the artist names and record info for the shop because I knew all of it would be wordplay šŸ˜‚ but I didn't know we had tracklists, too!
I just had a quick look through all of the ones you have there in addition to the Oslo Revival one and they're all absolutely hidden language keys. It's another etymology puzzle/guide to the cant, like Demon's Guide. I'd have to do some digging on a couple of them but others I get from doing other word metas. It gives some words and topics to focus on and pairs them up in ways that help guide people towards understanding them. The track called: "I'm Lost and I Don't Speak the Language" šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ I was wheezing... especially since the music in Maggie's shop is one of the guides full of Clues that can help teach it!
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Couple of examples of what I mean:
"It's Raining in My Kitchen" (food as sex; the vavoom convo/rain/The Flood & an, erm, flood)... "A Dog in God's Hot Car" (backwards words/palindromes/flipping syllables; blasphemous innuendo; car/transportation-themed innuendo; animals as metaphorical people; sex-and-death, as that dog gonna eventually die if he's in his god's hot car too long... so, uh, probably a roundabout edging joke as well)... The entire album of 'Sea Songs' & that 'Great White Lies' album that is nothing but fish-themed innuendo šŸ˜‚... "Have a Watery Nap" ties to Crowley using "have a nap" in Good Omens: Lockdown as euphemistic for having a wank, as the Brits says. If one is having "a watery nap", they're getting off in the shower/bath. Either with or without the aid of a rubber duck.
"Peggy Asked For Her Jumper Back", at first pass-- that's a combination of American/English language differences (sweater vs. jumper), which are in play elsewhere in the story ("packet of crisps"; "Arma-bloody-geddon") and a reference to the wordplay around the name Margaret that's all over the story. I went into some of it as part of the response to Melba over here.
Referencing a jumper and the Peggy of Peggy Sue-- American rock 'n roll-- also makes me think of the jumper that is given to the American Gabriel. It might be drawing some extra attention to that, too. The track's title seems like it's suggesting that we pay attention to Maggie and her sweaters/jumpers-- the daisies and snake birds, etc..-- as they're visual puns.
I agree that the Oslo Revival album is far less humorous and with on your take with it. I realized that you can read it a couple of different ways depending on which of the etymological tracks of the words you take and those ways all fit the story so I'll be back with that asap.
What do you think is happening in the scene when Crowley falls to the ground in pain in Tadfield?! I find your thoughts about Satan and Crowley really interesting and sorry if you've already mentioned it but I think I've gobbled up all your metas on the subject and didn't see it. Thank you šŸ¤—
Hi there! šŸ’• Thanks for reading & asking. I have an assortment of Christmas cookies to share. *gets the plates* Sugar feels extra necessary for Satan-related Crowley meta...
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Let's talk about that 1.06 scene you mentioned where Crowley is dragged to the ground by Satan in Tadfield, what it has to do with a motif throughout both seasons around a thing known as proskynesis, and how all of that is relevant to The Final 15 in S2.
TW: rape (mentions of the non-consensual possession-as-rape allegory).
Note: Themes of bodily autonomy and its relationship to freedom overlap between Good Omens and Terry Pratchett's Discworld and that's the main reason why some of us are still here, not giving up on this rare, A+++ survivor story, despite also wanting to hurl a certain, other person once involved with it into an active volcano. Considering the topic, I felt the need to just mention that at the start.
Sooo... let's talk about what the scene in your ask has to do with a bunch of other ones, including that scene in The Final 15...
Good Omens has a few scenes that are dealing with a thing known as proskynesis. If you're unfamiliar with this, it's a word describing rituals of reverence and worship in royal courts, as formed originally in various parts of the ancient world, like Persia, Greece, and Rome, as well as rituals involving religious worship across many different religions.
Aspects of proskynesis exist into the present in different ways in different cultures. For societies that are monarchies, proskynesis is at the root of rituals regarding how subjects in those societies address royalty. Everything from kissing the ring of high-ranking clergy in some churches to doing the same with some mafia leaders has historical ties to this. Things like bowing and curtsying customs in Victorian England can also be rooted back to proskynesis.
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There are also elements of it in everyday manners and customs in societies that you wouldn't think would have any connection in the modern world to things like this. In many democracies, for instance, as in many other countries of the world, the custom of getting down on one knee to propose marriage is actually rooted in proskynesis, even if the partnership is (hopefully) more equal in today's societies.
The Japanese, who have an intricate system of bowing as part of the social expectations of their society, are a great example of how proskynesis elements have evolved to not necessarily be related to royalty or religious worship but also form the roots of manners between people throughout all classes of a society.
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The rules of proskynesis in a society or a religious group varied in details a bit between cultures but has always had the same, general, wide gap between different types of actions.
As a general rule, there's a polite head bob of a bow on one end of the spectrum of proskynesis, with different bows then getting progressively lower and more intense, until we're closer to the other, more extreme end of the spectrum. That end involves kneeling at the feet of the king or in worship of a deity. The absolute, opposite end of that spectrum from that polite, head nod/bob of a bow is fully prostrating, which is lying fully on the ground, and what of this is tied to the scene in your ask, as we'll look at here.
The sketch below is a good, simple visual of what I mean:
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[User: Arseni on Wikipedia]
What's interesting to note here is that when you look at the above sketch and see different movements in it that are associated with different religions, these things came to those religions by first being associated with the royal court of ancient Persia and then being adopted, in part, into Greece and Rome. What physical worshipping in a religious way looks like to this day was adopted into different religions from how humans were showing deference to other humans as royalty.
One, big debate in Christianity is actually what kind of proskynesis was given to Jesus. The word is found in The New Testament but Jesus is the perfect example of the blurred lines here between venerating a human being and treating one like a god.
There are different levels of proskynesis for religious figures, with saints and the like being ok to venerate but proskynesis involving full worship supposed to remain only for God. What kind of treatment Jesus received or should have received and what he thought about it is a matter of debate. Is he a carpenter or is he a king of kings, right? Is he human or is he supernatural... or is he both?
Crowley and Aziraphale struggle with this, too, but what they wind up doing is not technically proskynesis but it's arguably a lot better. They bear witness to Jesus' suffering and murder. They show him empathy and respect. The scene we see shows them talking about him a bit, as two people might do at any wake or funeral or the like for ages to come.
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When it came to royalty, what kind of proskynesis you would perform would be dependent in different courts on your rank and your relationship to the king. You might be expected to grovel with some really low bows if you were of low rank or to have a more modest bow or to kiss the king, if you were of higher rank. The lower ranked people were expected to go lower in their bows and do more work with all of this, in order for even the chance of being recognized by the king or another high-ranked royal.
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When Crowley mocks Beez, addressing them formally as Lord Beezlebub, he does a formal bow, complete with the proper foot positioning-- you can see him step into it from how his hips move. He bows almost to the waist, complete with flourishing hand gestures that are showing mock-fealty and deference to the Grand Duke of Hell by sarcastically treating them as if they were a king.
This scene which, as we'll see, is related to the one in your ask, is only one example of a couple of Crowley sassing the fuck out of someone, specifically by using proskynesis. It also adds to the chilling nature of the scene in your ask by having occurred just a matter of moments prior.
Beez lets it pass entirely because they're really only Lord Beezlebub in an attempt to project power enough to try to survive Hell. Their title is more about self-protection than it is about an expectation of deference-- which is something that Crowley also knows and is at the heart of the mockery.
Like Aziraphale, with his respectful bowing to his friend in gratitude for the sushi in 1.01, Crowley has no issue with a polite, non-religious, non-royal version of proskynesis. If worshipping the humans is wrong, Crowley and Aziraphale don't wanna be right. They don't revere individual humans as kings or gods but they do revere humanity itself as a whole in that way. They show polite respect to those sharing that with them or educating them in it.
They also do that with one another. Crowley's soft, polite nod of a bow to Aziraphale when they meet in Eden is gentlemanly. It's respectful but not in a way that isn't just treating Aziraphale as an equal. Nina gets a similar treatment when they meet in S2.
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Crowley still does something similar into the modern era with Aziraphale-- note the little nod/bow when Aziraphale accepts his lunch invitation in S1.
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This is all very much on the egalitarian end of proskynesis; it's in where it basically formed parts of the foundation of gestures related to having good manners in different societies. It's respect and acknowledgement between people who view and treat one another as equals, as is the case with Crowley and Aziraphale.
Their relationship is one that is built around equality, free choice, and consent. Therefore, when Crowley apologizes in S2 in another scene that is related to the one in your ask by being an intentional, totally opposite contrast to it, Aziraphale can barely contain his laughter at Crowley's mock-submissive dance. The dance, in many ways, is really a satire of proskynesis.
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Crowley is doing this "yes, my king" dance for Aziraphale with tongue firmly in cheek. The dance is poking fun at the difference between general submissiveness, which Crowley loathes and likes to mock, and voluntary sexual submission with one another, which different scenes have shown us that they both periodically enjoy as some light fun from time to time.
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Aziraphale is desperately trying not to laugh long enough to reply with equal humor in his dry, self-aware, soft dom voice. He can't resist smiling a bit and mimes a kiss at Crowley-- seeing Crowley's droll mocking of proskynesis-- which is etymologically linked to words related to kissing and which can involve it in different stages-- and replying by bestowing upon Crowley a kiss.
Aziraphale is intentionally doing something that isn't really the result of proskynesis when in the royal circles that Crowley is referencing with The Apology Dance. The subject is meant to seek the king's favor and would be the one, if ranked high enough to warrant such a relationship with royalty, who would kiss the king-- not the other way around. By miming a kiss at Crowley, Aziraphale is meeting Crowley's mocking of inequitable aspects of proskynesis with some mocking of his own by being miming a kiss at Crowley, who is his equal and partner.
There's also a droll joke in there where the only royal subject of a king who could reasonably have expected a kiss from the king, if maybe not always in a public setting, was the king's queen. So, Crowley's whole mocking Apology Dance has a joking, "yes, my king" vibe to it and Aziraphale's response is to show equal humor towards and affection for the person who is-- in all senses of the word-- his queen.
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The end of Crowley's dance is a combination curtsy and what's known as a bow-and-scrape-- the thing from which the phrase "to bow and scrape" comes. The scrape is the movement of the foot behind a person across the floor, done to be able to go lower to the floor on the bow.
To "bow and scrape" was to basically grovel in this really overly demonstrative way for favor with the king, in the hopes that he'd be impressed by your humiliating submission enough to bestow favor upon you. The phrase now refers to doing a large amount of work or groveling to someone in a position in authority, usually with the suggested reward likely not forthcoming.
The second word in the phrase-- scrape-- also contains the word for the thing Crowley has survived at the hands of that fucking monster, Satan, who lives for the demons to bow and scrape for his favor. That's intentional on Crowley's part-- the end of this apology dance is also a visual pun on the word scrape, which contains the word rape, and this while he's doing this mocking dance that is a perfect example of how completely different and very healthy his relationship with Aziraphale is by how he is free to be this hilarious, sassy shit with his partner versus the forced subjugation by his assailant.
You might think that wordplay-- visual or otherwise-- involving the word rape is a bit dark. I won't disagree with that but I just want to briefly show you other examples of it that I've noticed so you can see what they're showing as the rationale for it between Crowley and Aziraphale. It's actually more of an empowering thing when you see other examples of it that are in other scenes.
Crowley and Aziraphale's cant vocabulary-- their invented hidden language-- uses a lot of words-within-words, just like how rape lives within scrape. If you consider that, you might also notice a couple of foods that recur in Good Omens that also are related to this. In Crowley and Aziraphale's language and in their life together, food is food but food is also figurative language for sex. Their healthy relationship and all the food and sex that is part of their life together is their answer to the traumas they've both suffered.
It's sensual, mindful living that focuses on healthier, positive experiences that help them to provide one another with a quality of life that the pain of Heaven and Hell does not. As a result, some frequently mentioned food and drink is held up between them as examples of the loving, enjoyable, pleasurable relationship with one another that they have that stands in contrast to Heaven and, especially, Hell.
Crowley enjoys wine, right? Which is made from? Grapes, as Aziraphale orders in 1601...
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The opposite of the rape-related issues that Aziraphale unintentionally triggered in Crowley in 1793, for example, is what he then offers him for lunch-- both figurative and euphemistic crepes.
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Not coincidentally, that's also what Aziraphale suggested the day after Crowley was assaulted by Satan on the night Armageddon began-- the crepes of Paris, 1793-- and Crowley, as we could see, was all for it:
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Another covert reference to this is Aziraphale's magic trick of changing a turnip into an inkwell. It's a metaphor on a couple of different levels but one of them is that the word rape overlaps with a type of plant that is also called that and is the category name for a group of plants and vegetables, the most famous of which is the turnip.
Turnips are also a pretty clever food metaphor for rape. They have been in existence for forever and are, horrifyingly, really common, but no one-- no one lol-- has ever really wanted to eat a turnip. They're not a terribly appealing food and I would wager that if you lined up every person on the planet and asked them to name a delicious food no one-- at all-- would say the turnip.
So, adding that into the etymology of the vegetable being tied to the word rape, then turning "the common turnip" into "an inkwell"-- when sea creatures, like octopi, are often sources of ink, and 'well' meaning both healthy and a flowing source of liquid? It's Aziraphale making a magic trick that is a metaphor for him helping Crowley heal from the rape-related inorgasmia referenced subtly in a few, other scenes, and which is the subject of the Fish meta, if you're interested in that.
Anyway, the healthy, humorous, proskynesis-mocking apology dance is one of the scenes that serves as a direct contrast to the scene in your ask where Crowley is forced to the ground by Satan in Tadfield. That scene involves the other, more extreme end of proskynesis, which is number 6 on the sketch near the start of the meta: prostration.
To be clear: how people want to worship in any way, if they do, is no one's business, so long as it's not harming anyone else. There's nothing inherently wrong with any of this if it's of someone's free will. The scene in your ask, though, doesn't involve free choice, it involves forced subjugation, which is from where the horror of it comes.
Prostration involves lying flat and face down on the ground with your arms outstretched. It involves kissing the feet of the king or the ground that you believe belongs to the deity you're worshipping.
Prostration is complete submission. It's basically a rejection of any sense of self in full deference to the king or the deity.
In Hell, all the demons are seen as belonging to Satan. Several of them, like Hastur and Shax, refer to Satan as "our Master." They are all seen as Satan's subjects and his property-- all known as a collective referred to by Hastur in S1 as The Fallen, as we also looked at in relation to Aziraphale being Mr. Fell in this meta.
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In Heaven and Hell's view, The Fallen do not belong to themselves but to Satan. Crowley's sense of autonomy and his relationship with Aziraphale are secrets he keeps because of how they conflict with Hell, where he's not supposed to have any other desire but to live to serve his rapist, who believes that he owns him.
All of Crowley's mocking of anything more than a polite nod when it comes to proskynesis is more than just being generally anti-royalty and anti-authority. The root cause of all of it is Satan.
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In the scene in Tadfield, Satan is forcing Crowley to first kneel and, then, to prostrate, before him.
When Crowley clutches one hand to his chest and uses his other hand under him to keep himself an inch or two above ground, he's doing so in an effort to resist fully prostrating.
He's trying to keep his hands from being pulled out in front of him and to keep up enough to keep his lips from kissing the ground in forced subjugation to Satan.
This is probably the darkest scene in the show-- even darker, maybe, than 1.01's scene of Satan attacking Crowley in The Bentley-- because this is a whole new level of horror here. Crowley is shaking with the pain of fighting for enough control over himself to keep from prostrating any more than he is being forced to. This is happening with other people present-- including Aziraphale and kids, including Satan's own kid-- with the obvious humiliation factor being part of the attack.
Unlike in 1.01, when Satan took complete control of Crowley to a point that he couldn't speak, he's left him that ability in this scene, getting off on hearing Crowley protest. This scene shocks because the 1.01 scene of Satan attacking Crowley, and subsequent scenes reinforcing the non-consensual possession-as-rape allegory throughout the story, lead the viewer to believe that this is how it will always be referred to in the story. It lulls us into a sense of complacency where we think we know what the show will do, which has the desired effect of making this scene, in which they shift that tone pretty dramatically, all the more impactful and terrifying.
Furthering the allegorical here is that Crowley is outmatched, power-wise, for the most part, but is putting up a fight. He's moved by an assailant against his will, quite violently. He's dragged to his knees and then pushed forward to the ground. He's in pain and distressed, he's lost control of his body, his legs end up splayed, he pulls in on himself as much as he can, and he's repeatedly saying the word no. I think it might be pretty much impossible to make a scene full of more direct correlations to rape than this scene. They're doing so to really underline this survivor story with Crowley that is running through so many of the other scenes.
Crowley grabs his right leg when he is forced down to the tarmac, presumably because that's the side that is being forced to move by Satan to drag Crowley to his knees. It's possible, though, that this might be also be an allusion to the aftermath of 1827.
When we saw Crowley in 1862 in the scene that functions as him still trying to deal with what happened in 1827, Crowley was carrying that cane that many think was more than a fashion statement. Something that could cause Crowley periodic pain, while also still allowing for other scenes in which he pretty clearly isn't in any pain, is the possibility that, in the 1827 aftermath, Satan broke one or both of Crowley's legs.
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As any of us who have ever broken a part of our human corporations know, they can often be painful long after they heal and frequently subject to weather and stress. It's possible that Crowley had recurring pain for decades and might still into today. This is all speculative but why else might this idea also fit?
Possibly just because there are so many scenes in Good Omens that are nothing but Crowley just walking freely or hopping, owning his human body by sauntering around on the legs that are often symbolic of his life as a human of Earth, as he very notably doesn't have them in snake form... and his snake form is something that he associates negatively with his fall and Hell.
Crowley's walk at any given time is related to his sense of empowerment and, sweetly, there are also a bunch of scenes of Aziraphale just gazing at Crowley as he walks around. Including, darkly, the one that was happening when Crowley was dragged to Hell in 1827:
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The scene related to this that I like best, though, is when Crowley and Aziraphale both get one over on Satan and The Metatron by successfully hiding Gabriel in S2. They grin at one another as Crowley hops down from the chair, fully in his body, landing gracefully and happily on the legs that, whether once broken or not, we have seen in 1.06 ripped out from under him by Satan before.
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Hell also has some Godfather-referencing, mafia-like nods in different scenes in the series and breaking someone's legs is kind of classic mob stuff but, really, I think it's more tied to the whole forced subservience snake thing. Crowley, telling Aziraphale that he'd changed his name to one we learn in S2's Job minisode is associated for Crowley with freedom, autonomy, choice, and Aziraphale...
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...from one that is "a bit too squirming-at-your-feet-ish" to Crowley. It's a comment made more horrifying when 1.06's scene in Tadfield makes it clear that this isn't just a metaphor here-- Crowley's unwillingness to be Crawly and his discomfort with being a snake makes even more sense once we have this scene in Tadfield that sees Satan knock his human legs out from under him and force him into literally squirming like a snake at his feet.
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No wonder why Snake!Crowley has a tendency to prefer roaring like a lion when transforming into a snake-like monster, like he did in the paintball scene...
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Crowley and Aziraphale working to reframe and claim The Serpent from Crowley's negative associations with being a snake is something I talked about in the other meta I posted recently, should you also be interested in that.
The other thing of note when it comes to this scene of Satan trying to force Crowley to fully prostrate is then the fact that, while we've looked at the horror that Crowley is experiencing here, there are some other scenes that are subtly referencing positive life experiences that can be associated with this same type of position, if the situation is consensual and of someone's free choice.
They're also the exact types of things that can be complicated by having been assaulted. Lying face down are obviously both common sexual and sleep positions, for instance...
In S1, one of the scenes that got cut was supposed to be Crowley waking up from a nap in his flat. The script book says it was supposed to be that Crowley was sleeping on the ceiling in his bedroom, which also looks to be how they were filming it from the picture of it that exists. DT filmed it standing up, presumably so that they could flip the shot around and make it look like Crowley was sleeping on the ceiling. In addition to the heat-seeking snake aspect of this, there's some interesting psychology that may be at work here.
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Crowley's flat in S1 was not owned by Crowley-- Hell owned it, as we can see even more in S2-- and he was not technically safe in it. Hell isn't great with boundaries and, although Crowley had structured the flat to make it so that he might have some warning if someone were to come through the front door, there was no guarantee that they would do that. Crowley sleeping on the ceiling in the bedroom in his flat might suggest that he did so, at least in part, to try to have an advantage over someone who might show up in his flat.
It might suggest that Crowley likes to sleep on his stomach but he felt too vulnerable to do that in the bed in his flat so the only way he could make that happen there was to sleep on the ceiling, where his position would potentially be a bit more advantageous. Where Crowley likely does not have that issue is in the bookshop, as he's much safer there.
In another area of life? After 1.06 showing where the proskynesis theme was leading in that season, this scene below is then retroactively given another layer:
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As looked at before, Aziraphale's hand gestures here are actually massage movements. His dialogue is also full of massage-related puns-- need/knead, back, practice. Probably also not coincidentally? In addition to just being fun and relaxing, massage is also often suggested by therapists working with couples where one or more partners has been assaulted, as it can be therapeutic on a variety of levels. The scene is suggestive of Crowley being comfortable with a variety of different kinds of pleasurable prostrate positions with Aziraphale, which stands in obvious direct contrast to the horrors of Satan.
So, here's where we're going to end this by talking about some mirroring to the scene in your ask with The Final 15, especially through using etymology. The word proskynesis comes from the Greek and is a combination of pros (meaning: towards, in this case) and kyneo (meaning: kiss). Some translations of it actually wind up being less "towards the kiss" more along the lines of "to kiss in the presence of."
Yeah... There's a word in the mix in this story that means "to kiss in the presence of" and that feels pretty relevant to the last few minutes of the most recent episode we've seen, no? šŸ˜‚
In the S1 finale, the season's recurring moments of proskynesis lead towards the Tadfield scene, in which we watch Crowley wind up forcibly prostrated before Satan and resisting a kiss with everything he's got. While he'd do that anyway, what's the biggest reason as to why he was in that moment? Aziraphale, right?
It's because Aziraphale is right there and this is all already more than horrible enough. Crowley does everything in his power to retain enough control to resist this kiss because he is absolutely not kissing the Earth Satan claims is his, in forced deference to him, with Aziraphale watching.
Poor Aziraphale can't do anything about this in the moment that it's happening. He can't go to Crowley without giving away that he's Crowley's partner. They've been terrified for a long time that Satan would kill Crowley if he found out about them and, based on what we've seen of how violent and dangerous Satan is, it doesn't seem like that fear is at all unfounded.
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By S2, Crowley and Aziraphale are becoming a bit less of a secret but the people who they are letting in are ones they feel are trustworthy. None of them have any affiliation with Hell or Satan. The one person around them each a bit that does have affiliation with him-- Shax-- is the one they're both still attempting to fool.
The S2 mirror of the proskynesis/"kiss in the presence of" moment from 1.06 of Satan attacking Crowley in Tadfield and Crowley resisting the kiss in front of Aziraphale involves these same three characters again... but some aspects of it are-- as they would be with a mirror-- shifted around a little.
In 2.06, it's Crowley with a kiss again-- but, this time, it's Aziraphale that he's kissing. Instead of being the person who is watching the kiss be resisted, Aziraphale is the recipient of a kiss that Crowley is actually willing to give.
Aziraphale, like Crowley in 1.06, is mostly resisting the kiss. While Crowley pushed to resist it entirely in S1 for obvious reasons, Aziraphale isn't put off by the idea of kissing Crowley in general but, in S2, is resisting it as much as he's able to do so.
Why?
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Because Aziraphale knows with almost complete certainty that it's Satan watching them through the window.
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aropride Ā· 2 years ago
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u can literally talk abt ur own experiences with transphobia and people being violent or bigoted or cruel towards you because you're a trans man and people will compare you to deranged conspiracy theorists for daring to say you might experience discrimination. it's fucking crazy like what level of internet brainrot do you have to have to think it's helpful on any level to deny someone's experiences and call them conspiracy theorists because they're a trans man and "men aren't oppressed" or whatever
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eternal-reverie Ā· 9 months ago
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I just got psychic damage by hearing Lauriamā€™s name on youtube pronounced as ā€œlarry-amā€
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monster-noises Ā· 4 months ago
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Anyone out there got a solution for when you're feeling really stuck with your art and everyone and their mother tells you the solution is to do studies and figure drawings and other such things but even just thinking about doing those things makes you Spiral and want to Kill Yourself?
#monster noises#it's 1am no one will see this it's fine#it's a genuine problem though i Wish i could be aotherfucker who found it engaging and satisfying to do figure drawing#but i both A) had some bad experiences with this type of learning in highschool that i guess kinda make them triggering for me i guess?#and B) my brain doesn't seem to be able to like.. Learn Things.... That Way.... or at least not Obviously#i mean obviously i've improved as an artist over time in general#and i won't lie and say i've Never done figure drawing or studies or anything#but i never leave those situations feeling like i've Learned anything#mostly i've just sat for several hours growing increasinglyore frustrated#at my limitations and inability to achieve what i feel should come to me intuatively#and even if i Did feel like i've learned something i can seemingly never turn around and then apply it to something else#my brain does not make those lateral connections#it's why i can't do word problems in math.#and plus i also find stuff like figure drawing especially Rarely helps me make progress on the parts of my work i Actually want to improve#fluidity/mobility/stylization and surrealism#and only reinforces practices i want to pull away from#realism/'correctness'#all this combined leaves me just kinda stuck because i really can't power through my fear of these practicing methods#because i also don't find them useful#but i have no alternatives because it's like.. the only thing anyone suggests because theoretically is Does Work#but just not when you're Specifically Busted like I'm Busted#and so I just continue to stagnate until idk.. i find something else that can abruptly and suddenly launch me forward again?.#augh.. being an artist is The Most Enjoyable (_=<=)_
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krikitunes Ā· 1 year ago
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Hey, squeaker! (/affectionate /p)
I don't normally do stuff like this but I saw you liked Aizetsu and Gyutaro as a QPR and I have shipped them in secret since before I saw that. So it made my day to find. As an aro-spec person, I don't really see QPRs talked about much either and most people kind of just don't care about them as a result.
Anyway,
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-> the actual point of my submission is that you recently reblogged one of my arts with the tag "good luck charm" as you were denoting affection to it for helping to uplift your mood during difficult times. It really warmed my heart, so I wanted to make something intentionally for you in that vein of "good luck charm".
I know your original tags were in reference to an endouma doodle, but I wanted to toss you something for one of your rarer pairings. (I was shocked to see it in the wild!! /pos)
Hope your week gets better, man!
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I COULD COMPLETELY BURST INTO TEARS,!!!!!!! THEYRE SUCH DORK ASSES I hope someone stuffs them both in lockers they probably already do it to eachother as some odd affection ritual. Weirdos. OBSESSED.. sincerely I do not have the words to describe how MUCH I appreciate this šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­! Since you sent this things have thankfully gotten better so thank you!! Your charm worked!! (Things are still scary and new! But im feeling much better :-})
actually I am drawing a little something right now for you .holdon.
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they're stargazing :-}.. I have so many little things in my head of these two but I wanted to make something quick right this second in exchange because AGWAA!!IM GRATEFUL!! I'll keep them close to my heart for EVERšŸ’„šŸ’„šŸ’„šŸ’„šŸ’„šŸ’„šŸ’„
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