#what was i saying. how does this keep happening when i think about horatio

[isaacathom]

i really should get an art queue going. i have like 4 years of art stuff. i tried to post it weekly on insta like 7 months ago ad gave up because i kept forgetting, but i can just. queue shit. which would be nice.

[forthegothicheroine]

I don't know if you do requests for the Great Detectives, but I'd love to see how you think the Great Detectives would handle the murder of King Hamlet of Denmark.

This is a GREAT one! The big question is whether they all talk to the ghost of the dead king; I think I'm going to have to take that on a case-by-case basis, with whatever feels right for any specific detective.

So, in a series I do sometimes, how would various great detectives solve the murder of King Hamlet...

Sherlock Holmes: Well, obviously ghosts don't exist, so jot that down. But in Holmes's experience, living humans often pretend to be ghosts (or even make dogs pretend to be ghosts!) so who could this be? The young prince Hamlet, who everybody says has gone mad? Holmes deduces that he isn't mad at all, and is in fact conducting psychological warfare against his hated uncle; while Holmes disapproves, he concludes that the boy is completely right about Claudius due to his knowledge of the play The Murder of Gonzago, as seen when he's upset about changes in a production. The Murder of Gonzago is a play which premiered in a town in Denmark known for its manufacturing of poisons for pest control!

Hercule Poirot: Poirot is quite sad to hear that the monarch who invited him as a celebrity guest has died; why does this always have to happen when he goes on vacation? Polonius spies on the guy to see what he's up to, but Poirot is much better at snooping on people than he is, and nobody can keep anything hidden for very long. He gives a summation where he reveals Claudius killed his brother. Prince Hamlet immediately goes to attack his uncle and they struggle over a sword. King Claudius falls dead and Poirot bows out, because determining whether Hamlet should suffer consequences or just become king is not his department.

Sam and Peter: Hear me out- if we bump Hamlet down from ambiguously college-aged to ambiguously high school aged, we can replace Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. These two nerdy kids are shipped in to cheer their friend (more like acquaintance) Hamlet up, and to his surprise, they respond to his depressing monologues by taking notes and asking for further details on why the world is so corrupt. Hamlet isn't so happy about them doing an investigation into "What is up with Hamlet's super hot mom?" but when they suggest interviewing Claudius to see if he has the face of a liar, he enlists them to help out with putting on The Murder of Gonzago. The rest of the play mostly goes the same, but they find the letter Claudius planted on them and show it to Hamlet. One of the last lines of the play is when Fortinbras is looking at everyone lying dead, but then Osric points out "Sam and Peter are alive!"

Phryne Fisher: Phryne is a dubious (if genteel) woman Laertes has taken up with, whom Polonius is doing everything in his power to drive away. Phryne doesn't care, but it does bring her attention to the fact that the man is apparently constantly spying on everyone in the castle. On whose behalf is he doing this? King Claudius? Is he afraid someone may assassinate him because of his brother's suspicious death? What was the official story about that, anyway? She exchanges sexy insults with Prince Hamlet, refusing to be cowed, and ultimately agrees to play the queen in his production of The Murder of Gonzago (where she gets a little too into the love scene.) When she turns and looks directly in Claudius's eye in the audience during a crucial line, she can see the answer to everything. Claudius tries to convince Laertes to kill her, saying she corrupted Ophelia into being a whore for a mad prince, but Laertes can't go through with it and kills Claudius instead.

Dale Cooper: King Hamlet's ghost tells him who killed him in a dream, but Cooper doesn't remember. He befriends Horatio and tells him that in order to understand the death of the king, it is crucial for them to study an old Icelanic poem about a man who feigns madness, because the answer to the mystery lies somewhere within. Horatio doesn't totally get it, but he figures Cooper must know what he's doing and goes along with it. When everyone is gathered to watch a production of The Murder of Gonzago, Cooper first steps up onto the stage, guided by a spirit in the form of a snake wearing a crown, to announce that King Claudius killed his brother. Prince Hamlet immediately stabs his uncle. Determining whether Hamlet should suffer consequences or just become king is not Cooper's department.

Philip Marlowe: All I know is, most of this mystery involves him getting thrown off the palace grounds repeatedly and being told that a bum like him better keep away from King Claudius if he knows what's good for him. If he ever gets out of Denmark alive, Marlowe thinks to himself, he's never leaving LA during the winter ever again.

Sam Vimes: Vimes can actually interview the ghost, but that doesn't mean the case is closed. He's not worried about the ghost actually being a deceitful fiend, he just thinks there's a possibility he's wrong. After all, if Vimes was poisoned and his ghost found out some creepy relative immediately married his wife and took his job, he would also jump to conclusions! He spends a lot of time yelling at royal people and getting threatened with execution (Vimes doesn't know how his job ended up involving so many clashes with royalty, but so it goes), and is disrespectful of religion enough to spy on Claudius while he's having his remorseful confession. He can't arrest him, but he spreads the word around, and as the royal court dissolves into backstabbing and finger-pointing, Vetinari walks in with a full retinue (and more importantly, a list of all the debts Denmark owes to Ankh-Morpork) to evaluate the situation and congratulate Claudius on his "excellent decision" to abdicate. Claudius later dies of a totally natural snake bite in his ear.

Columbo:

Your Majesty, King Claudius, forgive My clumsy common nature. I am not A noble gentleman, nor do I live With such great honor as yourself- a thought, However, troubles me this night. For how Should some strange serpent come to bite a king? And why within his ear? It puzzles! Now, I beg that I may ask just one more thing…

[bloopdydooooo]

i'm asking you abt your version of hamlet but you have to ask me about wtnv ghosts OR kris dreemurr, deal?

for this, i will ask you about both.

(it got too long i hid it under the read more)

ANYWAYS i had a breakthrough like. ten minutes ago cause i was thinking about how i'd put a spin on hamlet. cause i was talking w my director for romeo & juliet a while back and he said how important it is in shakespeare to have something that makes your production just a little special a little unique so people will keep coming to see it. if it's the same plays over and over presented w the same contexts and worlds and everything, no one will want to see it. (i mean i would but i'm. uh. abnormal). and i've been agonizing over what my spin on hamlet would be, were i to direct it (an idea which has taken control of my brain and will not let me go. this has become my dream in life and i'm literally an actor not a director). point is i found it.

i was thinking about Shitty College Kids hamlet and then i was suddenly struck w the passing thought of crime family. and then it kept coming back. and i think i might be a genius. hear me out:

hamlet's family, the royal family of denmark, is actually a crime family. gertrude may be the one who technically runs the show but really she's a mob wife she doesn't exactly make use of her power, instead letting her husband do it. her husband claudius, who has hamlet sr. killed and then marries his sister in law (the kind of wild bullshit i can imagine happening in a mafia movie, of which i have watched none (but will for research)) so he can take control of the family business. it adds a darker, grittier level to basically everything in the play; taking them from high society – royalty, even – to a shady crime family, and fits perfectly with my vision of the play: i crave violence in hamlet, and i think he deserves some blood and gore. its enrichment for him. with a modern take we can give him a gun to kill polonius with, shooting him through something more significant than a curtain (i wouldn't do a mirror obviously but hamlet (2009) i fucking love you for that) and the stakes are all heightened when bullets get involved. plus it really pushes the whole bit where hamlet is sent off to england (and would, i guess, be someone else's territory?), because in this everyone would know he was going to his death. there would be no naivety, no shock horror when he says he was sent to his doom, just people standing by and watching as this kid is sentenced to death. 5.2 is a knife fight, quick and dirty and scrappy – none of the class of a rapier duel – and it raises the stakes a lot. there are rules and regulations in swordfighting, not so much in a rage fueled knife fight. hamlet, in the end, stabs his uncle with either his or laertes' blade but im thinking his. there is no poison it is just a brutal, bloody slaughter. it gives me the darkness and violence i've been hungering for but were harder to push for in the context of a castle, of high society. they still have the power, the influence, but they're taken to a place where i can have all the grit my heart desires without it feeling out of place.

it also makes relationships between characters so much more interesting. hamlet, for example, is still a scholar, a highly emotional college kid who talks in flowery prose and has a passion for theater, but now he's supposed to be inheriting the Family Business and not a kingdom, where all his gayboy bullshit wouldn't be very out of place. it pushes him further as an outsider, as someone that people would turn against, would throw to the wolves. who does that make horatio? hamlet's friend from school, maybe tangentially related to the family but only really through hamlet? how about ophelia? daughter of the councilor to the 'king', is she actually someone that they would want hamlet to marry? and what to make of laertes, who seems to abandon denmark for france? he comes back and is almost instantly accepted back into the inner circle despite having requested leave and happily departed, is claudius gunning for him to take hamlet's place as next in line? rosencrantz and guildenstern? clearly hamlet's friends from within the business they're also at his university, did they follow him there or did they all happen to find themselves in the same place? we're there greased palms to get them in? what about hamlet? and gertrude! the family line ascends through her, it must or claudius wouldn't need to marry her to get the power, but she shows no real desire to exercise it, even when her son is in danger. what's her deal, what's her story? she must have one, she's a fascinating person.

tl;dr the version of hamlet i've been craving is apparently a mob boss au. and you know what? it's awesome.

also. consider the costuming opportunities. they are infinite, and they are fabulous.

i have so many more thoughts but sadly it is 3am and they will not all form properly so i will leave it at this

[jjackrabbitt]

Damned AU Masterlist

i was going to try to finish this, but it's taken long enough and i can just edit it later, so here y'all go! It's mostly stuff for the first chapter, but i will add more later and polish this up.

>Abe introduces Jacob to judaism

     >Lecha Dodi, the song to welcome shabbat

     >food (knishes, kreplach, lane kluseczki)

     >Shabbatot spent at Abe’s

     >Abe tells Jacob stories about his family, his brothers and sisters and parents and aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents. All of them. Who they were. 

     >Abe has informal Purim and Channukah and Tu b’Av celebrations for Jacob

     >Purim: Abe tells the story of Mordecai and Esther. When he pretends to be Haman (the villain), he imitates Jack. Jacob’s parents didn’t want to encourage the noise making that came with Purim, but Abe still gave Jacob a pot and wooden spoon to bang together. Jacob wore a little explorer outfit.

     >Tu b’Av (new year for trees): Abe and Jacob would go on a mangrove tour on a boat and learn about Florida’s swamp ecosystems (something Jacob was very interested in). Jacob also wore his explorer outfit for this because he was playing pretend and Abe only encouraged him. The tour guides were very nice. Golan was definitely one of the tour guides a couple times, but otherwise he just joined the tour as a visitor.

     >Channukah: Jacob never got to spend the whole week with Abe, his parents always had school as an excuse and he only ever got one night. Abe would send Jacob home with presents and latkes after doing the candles with him. Like all of Abe’s stories, the channukah story got longer and more dramatic each time. Jacob loved hearing Abe tell it because he made it feel real.

     >For all of these holidays, Abe would open up just a little more, telling Jacob what his life was like in the old country, with his family, before Cairnholm. He would tell Jacob about when he came to America.

>Golan actually does live in Abe’s neighbourhood because he’s keeping an eye on both Abe and Jacob. 

>They speak a little yiddish together

    >Jacob calls out for Abe in yiddish while he and Ricky look around in Abe’s house?

     >Maybe don't include this but Jacob had to go to speech therapy when he was little because he “sounded polish”

     >Golan was his speech therapist. Jacob sounds a little like Golan ‘cause he taught him how to say a lot of words.

>Add scene at beginning where Jacob looks back on celebrating Shabbat and wanting to stay at Abe’s for Channukah

     >Jacob’s parents won’t let Jacob stay with Abe for too long because they aren’t comfortable around him and think that he’ll make Jacob weird.

>Abe tells Jacob about his time as a hollow hunter and some about the people he worked with, but nothing specific. mostly that he had a group of hunter friends and some of the funnier things that happened.

     >Maybe this opens up an opportunity for an introduction to the other hollow hunters later?

     >Jacob grows up hearing stories of Abe’s old friends and heroics. He grows up knowing that Abe had a group of close knit hunter friends who spent years by each other's sides before they went their separate ways. He knew they travelled around the country and that when they weren’t hunting, they met lots of amazing people. He didn’t know that Abe’s friends were peculiar or that they may or may not have been helping peculiars move around the country under the radar of the peculiar gangs.

     >Abe mentions Horatio (as like. A dog.) in passing and Jacob’s pet hollow in LoS reminds him of that memory. He doesn’t know Horatio’s name though.

>Jacob talks a little bit about what he knows the kids to be like through Abe’s stories, have something to juxtapose against their actual characters

     >Victor and Wyn are actually averagely smart, they’re just autistic

     >Claire’s trans but started her transition after Abe left, that’s why Abe has a picture of a “boy” with two mouths who’s never mentioned again

>Have Jacob direct the conversation with the pictures! Abe doesn’t have to tell him that Mill is invisible, Jacob already knows about him, he’s heard Abe’s stories!

>Just be more blatant that Abe, Frank and Jacob are jewish.

>Maybe won’t get explicitly mentioned, since I doubt Jacob’s parents would want him diagnosed so he probably won’t think about it, but Jacob is autistic. Add in more stuff that highlights that.

>Jacob and Ricky had a hair dying night and Ricky’s hair is green and Jacob’s is lavender.

>I just think that Jacob should be allowed to wear fun little rings and necklaces but I do think his parents are weird about it so he doesn’t do it around them.

>his parents (but especially Mary Anne) Do Not like his pretty purple hair.

>Abe didn’t have much to say about Jacob’s hair, positive or negative, so Jacob thought that he disapproved and was a little hurt about it. That is, until Abe offhandedly mentions that it’s impressive.

>Golan was a regular customer at Smart-Aid and absolutely would try to get Jacob in trouble. Just to be a shit.

>Jacob doesn’t like telling people when he’s upset because his parents would get weird about it and make it his fault.

>was already a really nervous kid, but after seeing Malthus the first time/Abe’s death, he clings to Ricky.

     >Ricky was the one who was there, and moved to action to try and defend Jacob.

     >Ricky still didn’t see Malthus, but he did hear something  move and knows something had to be there.

     >Jacob grabs Ricky’s arm when they first enter the clearing and doesn’t let go for the entire scene. 

>Ricky is launched into a similar state of panic and disarray, clinging to Jacob. 

>Ricky won’t admit to seeing Malthus and that’s what gets him kicked out of Jacob’s house, because Jacob starts yelling at him and his parents tell Ricky to leave

>it takes them approximately two days before Ricky’s back at Jacob’s house. Jacob’s parents don’t know because Jacob snuck Ricky through his window in the middle of the night.

>they’re constantly grabbing for each other if they’re not in each other's immediate line of sight. 

>cannot express this enough, both of them spend pretty much every waking moment in terror that Something is going to Happen.

[ellestra]

War for the future

I think we all figured out the truth about Amalia. Or at least something pretty close. I wasn’t sure if Amalia’s mind was fully replaced after her suicide or if her and Zephyr memories were jumbled and that’s why she seemed to not know some important information about why and how she was there. Now we know that it was just Zephyr’s memories - at least until know since Galanthi shown her Amalia’s life - but she didn’t know because she just didn’t know that much about the alien to begin with. And she also didn’t even know she was coming to the past with it. She was just a grunt soldier. A very good one. But then how could she not be when she was Claudia Black?

We learn that the future people destroyed thought a nuclear war over whether to take the alien help or not. That both sides were fanatical but the  one that fought against the aliens for human purity were especially cruel. They justification of it was that the PDC were traitors to human race. The PDC had Touched who believed Galanthi want to help humans but they developed their own religion around it including the whole “names are sacred and you tell them to no one” thing.

We also know even PDC know very little about Galanthi and what are their plans and how their gifts work. Stripe is convinced every Spore knows how to communicate with the aliens but we see it’s untrue - both because it’s what Stitch tells her but also because all the Touched have Spores but only Myrtle seems to be one that can understand the alien. But it also seems like the ones who can communicate really have more understanding of the powers since future Myrtle seems to know Zephyr is seeing her from the past and tells her to forget it.

We also know that only few people react to the Spores by getting powers. This explains why not all people who were outside that day got them. Like why Lord Massen didn’t get any while his daughter did (I hope we’ll learn soon what is it and why he keeps her in the cellar). Or why Augie is Touched but Lavinia isn’t - although I keep wondering in that case as it seems like there is something off about Lavinia and I wonder if she is Touched after all and that’s why she wants a cure for it or if she’s one of those who came from the future and the was FLA and that’s why she wants to kill Galanthi and thinks it wants to destroy them all. She keeps saying it wants war and will corrupt their minds and all this seems very FLA.

Of course it depends on how choosy Galanthi was with taking people along.Was it everyone in the base who was still alive? Or anyone it could reach? Could it chose who to take? But then why would it include FLA at all? Could it tell who is who? Does it know where they all are in their new lives? I mean it knew not just Zephyr but the name she took in this new time so we should assume it has some connection to all of them still.

I assume it was limited to the base and only to those still alive. However we don’t know who else was fully dead when Galanthi left. Any of the other shot - including that FreeLife Army major and the guy who helped him - could’ve been still alive (they were shot but we didn’t see them die) and hitched a ride.

There were also the other two PDC (shot guy and the other one) so maybe Zephyr isn’t alone in the past. Maybe there aren’t just enemies who were brought along but also back up. And since bodies were doled out based on availability who knows what they look like. Maybe that woman’s voice belongs to one of those guys.

I wonder if giving Zephyr Amalia’s memories was to help her understand her powers. I mean Zephyr had her first flashback - to when she got her scar - when Galanthi first tried to use its tentacles to take the Team but that might’ve been just it trying to communicate. It  looks like she only got the flash forwards after being placed in  Amalia’s body and maybe that’s why she became receptive to Spore. She didn’t have those powers before. She thought they were proof of her being in sim at first after all.

I wonder how much of Zephyr involvement with Cousens is less love and more convenience. He was just at the right place and right time - he just happened to  be the first Touched she knew about in her new world - and she knew they  end up having sex from her vision. And she needed someone in that moment to not feel so alone in this new time so he is one who knows the truth about who she is and how she’s there so she can be herself with him.

So how much of it is just that she  has very different views on sex and commitments than 19th century  British and how much is real attachment? She still called Penance her heart and it’s Penance she told her real name. We know from some Zephyr’s memory flashes she seems to be bisexual.

Of course it seems like in general friendships are more important to Zephyr than romantic relationships (she hadn’t told her neither of those she married her name for 3 years they were married). And maybe she just learning to trust people more. Those two years in less hostile times clearly changed her. It’s clear when you compare the Zephyr who sacrificed Sarah to Hague even though she understood how creepy he is because she was there and already crazy (was being committed before becoming Touched) with one we know now. She always had it in her (we see in her flashback with Knitter) but the war taught her it was unwise to get attached. Penance and others brought her out of that. And now she’s ready to tell all the Touched where she came from and how.

Still, even though I’m not a shipper and I don’t really care who ends up with who this “my heart” and name reveal moments made me wonder if the show really has a plan for Penance and Amalia/Zephyr to get together eventually and it’s not just the shippers wishful thinking. And both Augie (he seems like a character Wheadon would kill off in a pairing) and Horatio (keeps talking about this being a sin a lot and has a wife) are just misdirection.  The first infatuations just to burn out.

[fyeahmeninroyalnavy]

#horatio hornblower/archie kennedy modern AU

Rain and Puffy Shirts

Dedicated to and prompted by my dear friend @professorlehnsherr-almashy

"Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Archibald Theo Kennedy, but my friends and family all call me Archie. I'm 27, a Critical Care flight paramedic for the NHS, and significant other to Horatio Edward Hornblower, also 27. He's an artist, and a very good one I might add. Everyone loves his paintings of tall ships and anything to do with the Napoleanic War.

He does allright for himself, well enough that he works from home. He can also sing and play the guitar, which he does for fun. And also to impress me.

We've been sharing a flat for the past three months but we've known one another for about a year. Most of that year we spent just as friends …

No doubt friends in serious denial.

I'm going to be sharing snippets of our life together, but don't worry, you'll be hearing from Horatio too, even though he’s extremely shy.

And now on to our story.

On a chilly Spring evening in London, Horatio and I attended a costume party given by a close friend, William Bush, or Liam as we call him. His home is just around the bend from our flat which is a good thing as we never drink/drive. Horatio looked incredibly gorgeous in his 18th century Royal Navy uniform. I wore one as well and our costumes were the center of attention that evening.

When Horatio had had enough of the party "he can only bear so much of them" we began our walk home. Rather I walked while he staggered. "I should have kept a closer eye on my boyfriend's alcohol consumption that evening but I was having too much fun playing with Liam's new dog Styles. As a result of my distraction Horatio had more to drink than he could handle, which isn't much at all.

"Come on Ratio, watch your step now."

"Horatio knitted his brows looking puzzled. "I am washing it, Arshie. Ekzacly why am I supposed to wash it?”

"So you don't fall, of course." The last time that happened I ended up playing Paramedic while off duty. You were quite the pathetic mess, as I recall." He smiled ruefully.

Horatio appeared puzzled for a moment before answering. "Ah yes, I merember now.

That really hurt! My nose looked awful and I was humilitated, all covered in blood and dirt. Ima bloody klutz!”

Archie snorted. "And you had only had a pint that evening too."

"Like I shaid, Ima bloody klutz!"

"You're my bloody klutz though." He squeezed his mate's shoulder fondly.

"Arshie, he responded, pulling his mate close and nuzzling his nose into a warm neck. Am I? Truly?"

"You know you are my darling, and while I don't mind if you're a bit unsteady I do mind if you get hurt." he answered.

"M'not going to. You won't let me."

As soon as he spoke Horatio tripped and nearly fell flat onto the pavement.

"Whoa, careful there! I can't have that sweet face spoiled by the footpath! He steadied him in strong arms. Since you definitely went over your limit tonight, I doubt you’ll be very happy come morning, my poor lamb.”

"But I'm reeeally happy rish now, my Arshie Bear, he slurred, an arm draped affectionately over his boyfriend’s shoulder. C'mere, you lil' snugglebunny, and give me a kish!”

He complied readily, never able to resist kissing those soft full lips. Even when completely sloshed, his Horatio's kisses were always like heaven. And Archie loved when Horatio was so open and unguarded, a very different man than most people knew him to be. He was a cheerful, snuggly and affectionate drunk.

He kissed the soft sweet mouth slowly and tenderly, making both of them hum with pleasure. When at last they parted he was rewarded with a happy, goofy smile that warmed his soul.

"I do love you sho very much my dearest,"he sighed.

"And I love you my sweet Horatio. I can express no kinder sign of love than this kind kiss.”

"Don't make me cry, Mr. Kennedy. I have a repu, repustation to uphold."

"Your reputation is safe with me. I'll never reveal what a sentimental fellow you really are, he replied as he brushed curls away from his mate's forehead. Archie glanced up at the gathering clouds anxiously. C'mere. I can smell rain and we need to get home."

Suddenly Horatio felt himself being hoisted over Archie's broad shoulders, his head upside down so that he was looking at the ground. He burst into peals of laughter. "Arsheee, put me down! I can waltz just fine, an I'm much too heavy. Wait a minute. What is thish we have here?"

He jumped suddenly and squeaked. "Ratio, leave my bloody arse alone!" There was another flinch and a squeal, followed by hysterical giggling from the offender.

"Can't. Ish really cute and ish right here where I can pinsh it!"

"You're incorrigible when you're drunk, you know that, right? And damned adorable as well."

"Can't help it if your bum ish so nice and pinshable. Ima pinsh it again!"

"Owww! That hurt! You're truly living up to your nickname tonight Honey Badger. Not caring and all that. And since you won't play nice I'm trying things a different way."

He swiftly shifted positions so that he was carrying his love in his arms, protecting himself from his cheeky offender.

Horatio merely grinned and wrapped both arms around his neck just as a cool rain began falling.

"Arshie, you can't possibly carry me like this!"

"I already am, my darling, long legs and all!"

"Have I ever told you just how much I love being held by you? "He nuzzled Archie's neck and kissed it.

Archie swallowed hard as a deep feeling of warmth and affection for the man he loved took his breath away. He stopped and stood still, just holding Horatio tighter and staring into those soft brown eyes, wet lashes impossibly long. He knew they should get moving soon, but the moment felt to precious to waste.

"And I love holding you." Pressing their foreheads together, he sighed contententedly, then began moving purposefully towards home.

Eventually they made it to their flat, completely drenched but happy.

Archie put Horatio down but kept one arm tucked around his waist for support as he unlocked the door to their flat.

"Let's get you into some dry clothing before you catch a chill."

On queue, Horatio began to shiver and his previously cheerful demeanor changed abruptly. His lips turned down into a pout, his brow furrowing.

"How'd I get sho drunk Arshee? Someone must of put a tot of rum in my Coke! Was it you?"

He snorted. "I would never."

"Will you help me? I can't make things work and there's two of you now. I’m going to regret this later, aren’t I?”

He smiled sympathetically.

"Probably. But I'm going to take very good care of you, so no worries, okay?" He helped Horatio to their bedroom, grabbed some towels from the cupboard and wrapping him in one helped him lie down on the bed. "I'll be right back."

He went into the kitchen for a glass of water and some aspirin, took dry boxers and a tee shirt from a drawer and returned to the bed.

"Here, take these aspirin and drink all the water. Archie lifted Horatio up and helped him drink. There we go. Now, let's get you into some dry clothing." He began tugging at the wet garments.

"Achee, you're taking all my clothes off! Horatio began to giggle. Take yours off too!"

"Another time my darling. You're a bit too inebriated for anything but cuddles I fear.”

"M'not. Please?"he whined.

"Let's just concentrate on getting you dry before you catch cold. I won't have you getting sick under my watch.”

A cross between a growl and a groan was heard but Archie just smiled and concentrated on his task. He was at his best as a caregiver; it was an integral part of his profession after all. But being allowed to care for his partner so intimately was everything to him. It had taken some work to get to this point in their relationship. And now that they were there, he cherished it.

"There we are! I think that's dry enough. Fluffy."

"I'm not Fluffy!" He playfully batted at his mate, smiling impishly.

"No? Perhaps if I brought you a mirror it would change your mind." He ruffled the dark brown ringlets affectionately.

Horatio shivered. "Will you hurry and get changed? I'm cold and I need you to keep warm. My Achee Bear, he mumbled sleepily. Love your cuddles."

"Of course. I'll be back in a flash.

Archie quickly undressed, dried himself, and changed. Horatio was chilled and his teeth were chattering, so his mate was in a hurry to join him. He pulled back the covers, got in bed, and wrapped his strong arms around his shivering partner, pulling him close.

"Is this better?"

Horatio sighed contentedly. "Much." He nuzzled into Archie's neck, murmuring nonsensical phrases.

"My poor Horatio, you're still cold as an ice lolly." He began rubbing his hands up and down his partner's back to generate warmth.

"Mmm, a melting one now. There's nothing in this world I love more than your hugs, my dearest. Or hearing you say my name. He smiled shyly and ducked his head. Well, almost nothing!"

Archie grinned in delight, blue eyes sparkling. He licked his lips and jutted out his chin in a cheeky little smirk. He kissed the tip of Horatio's nose, then pulled his head to lay against his broad shoulder. "Sleep now, darling. I worry that tomorrow will be a long day for you." He stroked the soft curls, relishing the silky texture.

"Mmhm, love you, Bear," he answered sleepily.

"And I love you. I'm here if you need me. Always."

The next morning:

Archie was cheerfully humming while making coffee, tea, and toast. He was still dressed in his boxers and a v neck tee-shirt, his feet bare. His handsome face was clean shaven, his golden hair neatly brushed, and his blue eyes bright and clear. The previous night's party and being caught in a downpour had not affected his mood and constitution in any way.

Horatio could never understand this as he hated mornings with a passion, needing his coffee and toast to begin functioning normally.

But today wasn't even a normal day. Horatio had had way too much to drink last night and along with Archie had gotten caught in a downpour.

His hair had gotten very wet and had been towel dried by Archie. As a result his hair was extremely fluffy and his curls were out of control. He had dark circles under his eyes and the beginning of a cold. Add to that a headache, nausea, and no coffee and you get one very grumpy Horatio Hornblower. He groaned loudly upon hearing his mate in the kitchen.

"Acheee, why didn't you stop me last night?"

Hearing his partner's distress call, he immediately made his way to their bedroom.

"Bad morning, Ratio darling?"

His mate huffed and scowled, his brow furrowing. He blinked his eyes, squinting.

"Looking for these, Honey Badger?" Archie asked cheerfully, handing his glasses to Horatio.

He accepted them grudgingly, placing them on his face as he mumbled "Damn your eyes, Mr. Kennedy."

Archie couldn't help but laugh. "Oh Horatio, what can I do to help, my love?"

The grumpy expression softened a bit. He slowly stood up and groaned.

"Just kill me now and get it over with please, he whined, wrapping his arms around his mate and slumping against him. I feel as if my head might explode."

"I truly hope that won't happen. I'm very fond of that beautiful head myself. Will rubbing it help?"he crooned, massaging the back of his neck gently.

"Mmhm, that's nice Bear" he mumbled into Archie's shoulder.

"Do you think you can manage some toast and coffee? You might feel better with some food in your stomach."

"Ugh, don't want to think of food right now, he groaned dramatically. Might puke!"

"Well, we can't have that. Let's go into the lounge and you can put your head in my lap while I have my tea. Yeah?"

He nodded, allowing himself to be led to the sofa. Archie settled him, carefully covering him with a soft blanket. "There. I'm going for my tea and I'll be back straight away."

"Okay. Don't be too long, Achee" he whined as he removed his glasses, placing them on the coffee table.

"Oh, Horatio. You're so incredibly lovable when you're needy," he whispered to himself as he assembled a tray of toast, tea, marmalade, and butter. He decided to include coffee in case his mate changed his mind and a small beaker of ginger ale to help soothe a queasy stomach.

Setting the tray on a table he sat down and Horatio wasted no time plopping his curly head in his boyfriend's lap.

Archie smiled and raised an eyebrow.

"Bear, will you, ahem, would you mind running your fingers through my hair?"

"You need not even ask, my darling."

As Archie ran the fingers of one hand through Horatio's curls, he took sips of tea and bites of toast with another, occasionally feeding small bites to his boyfriend. He knew he could get him to accept some food this way.

"You're like a baby bird, you know that don't you?"

Horatio blushed, smiling shyly. "C'mon Achee!"

"Don't go all coy on me now, my darling. It's only the two of us here and no one else. We can and should be totally ourselves, agreed?"

He nodded, reaching up to touch Archie's face.

"You make every part of my life all better. In every way imaginable. Even feeling as miserable as I do, I'm just... at peace I suppose you could say." There was a look of pure bliss on his face as he gazed up adoringly at his mate.

"Umm, I. Archie cleared his throat, swallowing the lump that had formed. I... love making you happy, Horatio. Being here when you need me. Comforting you when you're upset or sick. Making you laugh and smile. He paused, grinning. Even dragging your drunk arse home in the rain and putting you to bed. That's all I ever want." Blue eyes stared into brown. Both had grown misty.

Horatio reached up and gently pulled Archie's lips to his, giving him the sweetest of kisses, telling him without words the depth of his feelings. When the kiss ended, he stroked Archie's cheek gently, still looking into his eyes.

"I'm the happiest I've ever been, babe. And I love you. So much." He caressed the lips of his mate slowly, tenderly.

"And I love you, my darling. My sweet, sweet Horatio." He took his hand, brought it to his lips, and kissed it reverently.

"Ahem, er, Archie?" A blush began to color his face as he smiled bashfully.

"What? Something you wanted, Ratio" he asked cheekily.

“There is. Let’s go back to bed.”

Archie wasted no time granting his wish!

Later that day

"Please tell me I didn't embarrass myself to the point of never being able to show my face again!"

Archie pursed his lips to keep from smiling as he patted his mouth with his napkin.

"Go on, say something at least! My lunch is sitting in my stomach like a lump of clay. I thought you loved me." Horatio scrubbed his hands across his pale face and groaned.

Archie couldn't help himself any longer and burst out laughing.

"You think you're so clever. Are you having me on about last night and what I did?"

"I wish I was but I'm not! It was, it was so unlike you, I just can't! My sides are hurting." Archie was wiping tears from his flushed face.

Horatio scowled and huffed. "You just wait Mr. Kennedy. Don't think me incapable of getting revenge."

"Listen, Horatio. You really did do everything that I said you did."

Brown eyes stared into blue.

"Everything?"

"Everything."

"Popping the buttons from your puffy shirt?"

"Mhm."

"And the comment about your Cutlass?"***

"Yes, especially that!" Laughter bubbled up again.

"Noooo! Achee? I don't think I care to know what else I said or did last night. I may actually die from embarrassment!" Horatio rose from his chair and began pacing.

Archie got up from the table and began clearing the dishes from lunch. There was a gleam of mischief in his eyes.

"Are you certain you don't want to know?"

Horatio froze and stopped pacing, rolling his eyes.

"Yes! No. I don't know! Damn't!"

"Everyone loved the pet names you have for me, by the way."

"Which ones?"

"Well, there was Archie Bear, Snugglebunny, and Sweet Cheeks."

"Noooo, why did I ever accept that second drink on an empty stomach? Horatio’s eyes suddenly went wide. What about the other name? The naughty one? What must everyone think of me?”

Archie decided his poor partner had had enough ribbing by the look on his pale face and crossed the room, taking him firmly by the shoulders and leading him to sit down on the couch in the lounge. Then he sat next to him, put an arm around his shoulders and made direct eye contact with him.

"I got the distinct impression that everyone thought you funny, adorable, relaxed, and having fun. And probably in love. It's a good thing Horatio. Everyone is happy for you. And for me. You don't have to worry about a thing, okay? He pulled him into a tight hug. I’m sorry for teasing you.”

"S'okay. Not your fault. I already felt sick, then I started overthinking things. You know how I get." He returned the hug affectionately.

"I do know, but next time I won't tease when you're hungover with a cold coming on."

"It's fine. Slowly a sweet smile replaced the frown. You can't help being the most cheeky man in the Uk if not the entire world. I love you anyway."

Archie beamed with delight and plopped himself on Horatio's lap.

***And I love you. My Honey Badger."

“Wait, did I call you the name? The naughty one?”

“I’ll never tell!”

[cryinginthebackseat]

initials t.c.

Fandom: Open Heart

Pairing: Tobias Carrick x MC

Words: 7.299 (I’M SO SORRY)

Summary: Tobias Carrick makes Claire an offer she can’t refuse.

Warnings: 50% plot, 50% smut, swear-a-thon, blasphemy

Author’s Note: when the book first introduced us to tobias carrick, the first thing that hit my mind was “okay, but that dude is like the carbon copy of jesse williams and that’s hot” but then, once it reveals who he is and what’s his role in the book i went “interestinggggggg” cause you know, i’m a sucker for morally grey characters and all, and i’m not even ashamed to admit it. also, carrick is shaping up to be such an interesting character with each chapter and maybe one day- okay, maybe this sounds like a pipe dream- but one day, i hope he can be a li (let a girl dream plz) lmao

also if anyone’s interested, i made a PLAYLIST to accompany reading the fic.

the title is inspired by serge gainsbourg’s initials bb

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Cast down off heaven Cast down on my knees I’ve lain with the devil Cursed god above Forsaken heaven

To Bring You My Love - PJ Harvey

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Whenever Claire thinks about Tobias Carrick, admittedly, unfortunately, tragically, she always thinks about his eyes first before remembering what a colossal pain in the ass he is.

It always comes in that order. Like the number 3 always comes before 4, like the seawater dragging back from the shoreline before a tsunami occurs, like pouring milk before the cereal (she honestly didn’t get what the fuss is about until one day Elijah cried ‘oh, hell no you don’t, satan!‘ one morning and proceeded to give her bullet points why pouring the milk before the cereal is considered a sin and more of an abomination than Nephilims’ existence and that there’s a higher probability that she’s a psycho for being a ‘milk first’ kind of person). So apparently, Claire’s a psycho now which explains so many aspects- but she digresses and the point is, the reaction is uncontrollable and she high-key hates how she can’t control her goddamn mind most of the time.

The point is, she needs to stop thinking about him to begin with. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 

Claire Castelnuovo was born in the summer, under the sign of Gemini. Marilyn Monroe once said that stands for intellect, being a Gemini, but she was too blissfully unaware of this guerdon that she devoted her adolescent years to being outdoors instead. Too many days she spent trampling along the cornfields with her cousins until the skies faded out with brilliant purple-tinged amber and she was carrying a piece of the sun in her skin and smelled like one, stuffing wildflowers inside her boots as she walked around the neighborhood with her dad’s old stethoscope, napping in a hammock with Oasis’ All Around the World on repeat. By the time she hit 15, her black strands had turned brown from repeated sun exposure. She loved it.

But it was a different time, a different place. Somewhere that only exists on the margins of her memories, lost and hidden.

Now, Claire prefers the night.

It’s 9:30 pm when she arrives at a hotel bar in downtown Boston. A newly christened establishment which has somehow become a regular spot for Hemingway’s enthusiasts once the Boston Globe wrote an article about their Hemingway Daiquiri and how, as they wrote it, ‘probably the only place that’s brave and crazy enough to adhere to the 1930s original recipe’ and bourgeois party birds at wee hours during the weekend.

Her eyes are gritty, dry and strange. Her mind’s much worse for the wear- she feels like shit, like in the middle of watching that scene from The Green Mile shit when all is hopeless and you feel like walking out of the theater, but you’ve spent your last savings just to buy the ticket, so you decide to stick through it.

Claire makes a beeline for the bar, tries to flag down the bartender. She orders an Old Fashioned, making sure to specify to double it because she’s not a regular here and he’s not Reggie and that’s how she’s been taking her drink for years.

She knows well deep in her bones that she should be somewhere else. Somewhere more familiar, somewhere where Tim Mcgraw often plays from the subpar speakers, and the rustic wooden bar countertop is gouging and discoloring from the cheap household cleaners and alcohol stains, and her friends are cramming together in the same booth in the back, reveling and laughing until they close the bar down and make a mess all over. Perhaps it’s a mistake coming here, where no one’s a familiar face and the drinks are a tad overpriced for her budget.

But then, perhaps this is exactly what she needs; the unfamiliarity, the visceral feeling knowing that she doesn’t belong here, where no one knows her name and the huge deal of weight she’s currently carrying on her shoulders. Perhaps, she can’t face her friends after what happened, after what Esme has done. Shit, how could any of this happen? Claire knows this all on Esme’s, but her guilt has grown hopelessly tangled with her anxiety. She’s her intern, for fuck’s sake, Claire’s supposed to prevent this from happening in the first place.

Man, where’s Declan Nash when she feels like punching someone in the face?

Claire makes the mistake of drinking her drink too quickly, because it hasn’t been ten minutes and she’s drained half of the content. Then she reaches for her phone in her bag, fiddles with it, absent-minded, equal parts bored before then settles on watching the band performing Art Pepper’s You Go To My Head and immediately thinks of that time she accidentally dropped her brother’s saxophone in a moment of her rather graceless, wine-soaked self with the whole family present.

Someone plops down on the empty stool next to her. Claire’s now scrolling through her phone- again, bored. Sienna commented on the post Elijah shared to the group chat with a few unnecessary-yet-totally-necessary emojis to the already convoluted series of texts and Claire only reads them in silence, not only because her friends’ texting behaviors are too chaotic for her to follow sometimes but she’s not really feeling like talking to anyone right now.

“Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in.”

Famous last words.

Claire freezes in her seat. Her phone’s still glowing in her hand, alighting her features. She recognizes that voice- too well, that is and it’s enough to set off her flight-or-fight response.

She glances up from her phone, preparing for the worst.

Well, what’s presented before her is literally the worst.

“Of all the gin joints…” she says once her eyes find Tobias Carrick sitting next to her, still in his work shirt, sleeves rolled-up, a few buttons undone, reeking of smoke, soap and antiseptic with a shit-eating grin plastered over his face.

She should have gone to Donahue’s instead.

“Evening to you too, Castelnuovo. Drinking your dinner tonight, I see?”

“What, this? No, this is breakfast. 100% daily value of alcohol and pretty much nothing else. I mean, it’s not the weekend without a bad case of hangover and an aspirin snowglobe in the morning, am I right? You know, like a glass of aspirin? Not a literal snowglobe?” she blabbers, realizing just so by the time she hears him snort. Claire chokes down another sip to shut her mouth up. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I’m about to commit first-degree murder and burn this whole place to the ground,” he drawls, the ever goddamn sarcastic. “What do you think? I’m trying to get dru-”

“No, I mean what are you doing here, of all places? Can’t you get drunk somewhere else?” she interrupts, her midwest accent does funny things to the vowels and consonants- something that only happens whenever she’s in distress, or at least according to Jackie.

“Last time I heard, this joint’s still owned by the Hilton, not a certain junior member of the Diagnostics Team at Edenbrook hospital.”

“Dude, what do you think of the H in Claire H. Castelnuovo stands for?” Deadpan, trying to keep up with the rolling sarcasm, she retorts. He smirks.

“Horatio?”

“Get the fuck out of here,” she mutters, mid-eye-roll, mid-snickering.

He chuckles, his voice rich and smoky amidst the late-night swing and distant chatters. Carrick doesn’t leave, of course, typically him- if those anecdotes Ethan told her has taught her anything about his character, that is- defying everything, scheming his way to the top, the embodiment of ‘those devilish boys with their heavenly eyes’ type your mother warns you about.

Not that the latter is relevant.

“Or what?” His mouth twitches but there’s a hard, challenging light in his eyes that she knows too well by now.

“Or I’m leaving.“ She shoots him a glare. He’s testing her patience- again, like it’s his finesse. Some things never change, it seems.

“Come on, Castelnuovo, don’t be a sourpuss. The night is young and I can promise you, the last thing I am is a horrible drinking buddy.”

With a touch of irony, she replies: “I’m sure. I bet you asked your friends to fill out a questionnaire every time you went out with them, did you?”

Carrick hums.

“You’re funny.” But he says it in the same tone that someone might say Jesus fuck, you’re probably one of the most frustrating creatures I’ve ever laid eyes on. Also, because the next thing he says is: “A little rough around the edges, but funny nonetheless.”

“That makes one of us then.”

Carrick frowns, which is kind of a surprise because she’s half expected him to flash her that signature cheeky grin of his.

“Listen, I’m just trying to make a friendly conversation here. I know we haven’t really seen eye-to-eye with each othe-”

Claire snorts and crosses her arms over her chest. “That, doctor, is an understatement of the fucking century.”

“Okay so, we’re like Tom and Jerry but sans the background music and a naive little duckling running around calling one of us his momma, but I feel like now’s the time to call out a temporary truce between us.” A beat, then: “I heard about what happened with the intern.”

Something flashes across her face- and Carrick must have noticed it, because his face does this odd thing- it softens, even for a moment. She hates it. He’s not supposed to be looking at her like that, not supposed to see her at her weakest state or saved her ass- And Jesus, why does she have to be indebted to Tobias Carrick, of all people- But god forbid, the last thing she’ll ever do is crying in front of him.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she mutters, barely audible, trying to temper her fluctuated emotions.

“Then don’t. We can talk about anything else or fall into some sort of endless, meaningless platitudes. Whichever will work.” As if sensing Claire’s lingering hesitation, he adds. “Tell you what, to sweeten the offer, your next drinks are on me.”

She assesses him for a long minute, eyes narrowing. She’s shaking her head, but her mouth, as if against her will, instead says: “Careful, Carrick, there’s a chance I’ll be abusing that offer and run you dry.”

"Hey, if you want to butcher your liver so bad, don’t stop on my account,” he says. “Don’t worry, though, I’ll make sure to save your ass again this time around. Pro bono.”

Claire looks as if she’s just swallowed a dead rat. “Thanks, but no thanks. Death seems more like an appealing choice.”

“Well, I stopped death from interfering then, I’ll stop it again.” Carrick winks, she pretends to gag again yet remains still in her seat, so Carrick waves at the bartender for their order- she orders for a refill and he, a martini and Claire is this close from asking 'shaken or stirred?’ but then remembers who he is and immediately washes the question down with her drink.

“You know, if anyone told me weeks ago that I’d be having a drink with you tonight, I probably would have socked them.“

Carrick is in the middle of lighting his cigarette, but laughs instead. “The Times They Are a-Changin’, as Bob Dylan said.” A puff of smoke escapes his mouth, curling around his fingers. Claire instinctively looks away. “Which reminds me of that one time your mentor sang Ballad of A Thin Man on the fucking subway when we were 20.”

She swivels her head to his direction, on the verge of choking on her drink. “Hold on, hold on, Ethan Jonah Ramsey sings?”

“Give him a dare he couldn’t refuse and a few shots of whiskey, and I promise you he’ll sing like Sinatra on crack.” He grins, his eyes are all crinkled and bright; she thinks that means he’s genuinely amused. “Ah, good times. We were like- wait, who was it he’d like to say we’re like again?”

A small smile pulls at her lips. “Bert and Ernie.”

“Jesus, he really fucking compares us to some Sesame Street characters, huh?” She laughs at that, loud and bright. He does the same. “Personally, I’d always say we were like Butch and Sundance back then- rebels with a cause, a band of misfits, trying to leave our marks on the world. You know those types. We were young, we wanted so much- I still do. I mean, let’s be real, whoever’s wanted to be defeated at their own game?”

A crease forms between her eyebrows, not quite a frown.

“Nobody,” Claire concurs, hating herself for it. “But was it worth it? Betraying the closest thing you had to a brother or a lover…” Carrick coughs on his smoke from the latter. “or whatever in the process just to get what you wanted?” Claire was obviously aiming for that brash, hard-hitting jab, but it lands gloriously too soft.

The bartender finally places their ordered drinks down on the bar. Carrick reaches for it, taking a careful swig, then sets his glass down. He takes a deep breath.

"It’s nothing personal. It never was. I never considered him as my rival.”

“Yeah, but by doing whatever you did, you’ve made an enemy out of him,” she counters. “Look, Carrick, I know we live in a dog-eat-dog world and I know being good sometimes doesn’t get the job done. Perhaps Machiavelli was right. Perhaps, when necessary, you have to be ruthless, dissembling and manoeuvring- what did he say again? ‘The end justifies the means’? But if any worthwhile end can justify the means to attain it, if everyone outright surrenders to their darker side, then what’s left of our humanity?”

For an interminable moment, there is only silence. He simply stares at her, as if she’s a walking, talking Rubik’s cube he can’t solve or a book that he has opened and now he’s got to know so much more and she feels pinned under those warm irises, uneasy.

Suddenly, his mouth begins to take shape; the corners hike up, stretch and then he does the unexpected.

The bastard fucking laughs.

“Excuse me?!” she spits, white-hot anger lacing each word. Carrick laughs harder- the audacity- despite Claire’s growing razor’s edge stare. “Did you just laugh at me? I was being fucking seriou-”

“Sorry, sorry.” Wiping an imaginary tear from his left eye. “I was just remembering Harper’s words. She’s right, you really are on the side of the angels, aren’t you?”

She points at him with her glass, snarling. “And you, mister, are the devil himself with a medical degree and an egg head- and I don’t mean the slang for a highly academic person.”

“Ouch,” Carrick says out loud, still kind of laughing, borderline frowning. “Okay, I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”

“Damn straight. Though you have a lot to apologize for.”

He groans. “Don’t tell me you’re still pissed about that one patient I stole under your nose?”

“The North remembers, ser,” she says, mean-spirited.

“Then does the North remembers that I saved her life?”

“Oh, so you’re discrediting the efforts of the other doctors that helped you make the cure?”

“Alright, alright. You win.” Carrick holds up his hands, the universal gesture of defeat and takes one final drag of his cigarette. He stubs it out, all the while keeping his gaze on her.

“So, how exactly can I make it up to you?“

Claire blinks- once, twice, thrice, realizing his intent. His voice drops an octave and he’s leaning in, close enough for her to notice the constellations of freckles splaying across his face and the way his brown eyes glinted like two shots of whiskey under a stream of light, intense and all-consuming. She feels her mind races, her brains feel as if they underwent a short-circuit and get caught on fire, and the fact that her mind’s on the precipice of exploring the idea is not helping.

A burst of laughter erupts from her throat, not that it’s funny- there’s nothing funny about the situation, but someone ought to diffuse this shift of tension between them, or that was her aim, at least.

“What, you wanna pay me back?” she asks, trying to keep her voice from cracking but failing miserably. Fingers trembling against her glass as she chugs nearly a quarter of her drink in one go.

He notices that.

"A Lannister always pays his debts, does he? If you think that I owe you one, then I’ll gladly pay.” His eyes flick back to her face, searing into her. The air crackles between them. The band is playing a different song now, a sound that only exists on the margin of her attention. If they’re in, say a mid 2000s rom-com movie, someone would probably interrupt this moment and save her from this. But this isn’t a movie.

Claire licks her lips, a candid reaction which encourages him to inch closer- or is it her? She can’t tell anymore. Tracing odd patterns on the palm of her hand with his finger and oh god, this is Carrick, the bane of her fucking existence, she’d shoot him first before she kisses him. But something about the prospect of fucking this bastard twists her insides deliciously into a confused mess.

“How? By fucking me?” she inquires, feigning scandalized- all that Catholic guilt bullshit.

He grins, all-teeth and wolfish and shrugs as if they’re talking about his life insurance policy or shit. “Well, that’s the idea.”

“But you don’t even like me.” It should come out as I don’t even like you, but even she knows that’ll be just another lie she tells.

“On the contrary, I enjoy our rivalry far more than I should, Castelnuovo,” he purrs and places a hand on her knee. Her throat bobs. She’s wearing a skirt, it didn’t seem important then, but now his hand feels warm against her skin, dangling on the edge of impropriety. Like gravity, all it takes is a little push for him to cross that line.

“I should be disliking the way you talk to me, challenging me and putting me on the back foot every goddamn time. I should be focusing on taking you down a peg, but the more I see you, the more I realize you have an attractive kind of power. And I’m just one man. And if there’s anything I learned, the only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.”

But then his movement suddenly ceases. Claire almost asks why.

"However…”

“What?” she stares up at him, eyes wide, breath hitching.

“However if you only accept alcohol as the currency for transactions, then I’ll tell the bartender to get us another round instead,“ he tells her, offering her one last chance to back out from this, from making this mistake with him.

Claire stares into her drink, actually mulling this over. Her mind tells her no, but the other part- the alcohol-infused part of her mind- whispers otherwise. She imagines if Ethan or any of her friends are here, they would probably grab her shoulder and shake the living hell out of her for even reconsidering his offer.

But then again, intelligence, alcohol and desperation have always had a bad history of getting along together.

“What about June?” Claire asks against her better judgement, after a long, considerable pause. Carrick raises a confused brow.

“What about her?”

“I thought you guys…” she trails off, makes a face, feeling all-kind of flustered and aroused and wow, she’s really doing this, huh? “I mean, I don’t know- I don’t wanna get in between you guys.”

“Nah. It was only a three time thing, but there’s never been anything between us.” He chuckles at Claire’s askance look. “If you don’t believe me, you can fact-check it with the woman herself,” Carrick adds, looking at her dead-on with his eyes like he wants to get the message across.

She regards him silently for a long second, and maybe she’s a touch drunk now, maybe the bartender put something in her drink, or maybe she just needs to blow off some steam after what’s been happening in these past few weeks and Carrick happens to be a decent warm body for the occasion, but Claire finds herself shifting closer.

"Then I want you to pay me back.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yeah,” she answers, more sure this time, more determined.

Her nose bumps his, his breath fanning across her face all the while Carrick’s slightly pushing her skirt up, letting his fingertips travel higher. His eyes keep darting back and forth from her eyes and lips, checking for her reaction. There is no inhibition here, not anymore. People might be watching- heck, they could be already watching and it terrifies her that she doesn’t give a damn about it.

“But if you tell anyone about this, I swear to god… ” she warns and a shadow of mirth passes across his eyes, making her almost regretting this. Almost.

“Claire, darling.” It’s the first time he’s ever said her name and her stomach does a tango. “Your secret is safe with me.“ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 

He gets them a room in the hotel, it’s on the twentieth floor. Carrick handles the accommodation- he can afford it, apparently, which is not really surprising and the nuisating check-in procedure while Claire only waits in the lobby like a beautiful, agitated china doll amidst the turbulent sea the whole time until he comes back, flashes the room key at her and beckons her to follow.

She goes ahead of him, but he catches up. His body heat sends her anxiety rocketing sky-high through the roof as they walk next to each other, hands briefly brushing against one another but she ignores that (or at least she tries).

They are silent in the elevator, they are silent even once they reach the designated floor and walk down the hall to their room where the dim and shadowed lights follow their steps like vultures.

Carrick holds open the door for her and she enters, taking in the windows and the striking view of Boston skyline peeking behind the curtains, the TV and the queen-sized bed. The latter does nothing to assuage the anticipation that’s bubbling in the pit of her stomach, by the way.

Claire hears him shut the door, locking both bolts. She peers at him over her shoulder, half-turned, one eye on him. Their eyes meet, neither speaks. He’s taking off his black peacoat, back against the door, he’s looking at her as if wanting her is his full-time occupation and the realizations comes in like a mule kick, how that tiny voice inside her head, the one that tells her that this is a bad idea and she’s better off leaving never comes.

The room is not considerably huge (with $110 per night, you would have expected you’d get a bigger room), he could easily have her in six large steps, yet he stands there. Sizing her up, smirking rather devilishly, handsomely as if challenging her to make the first move. It’s another fucking game with him. A display of power, waiting who would fall first.

Claire finally turns around to face him. With a renowned determination, she removes her coat, letting it fall unceremoniously onto the carpeted floor. Her blouse follows next and her skirt, which she tugs it oh so slowly down her legs.

Carrick’s eyes widen, if she doesn’t know better, she thinks he’s speechless. He takes a deep breath, his gaze religiously following every movement as she twirls around once more to unhook her bra. His jaw clenches and unclenches. He’s having a hard time keeping himself in check which she takes an immense pleasure in. Claire just wants to see the man squirm for a change, even if she has to shed every article of clothing she wears.

By the time she slips off of her underwear, she is breathing raggedly. He hasn’t yet approached her so she crawls onto the bed, lying on her back with one elbow props her up, legs crossed. She kicks off her heels, rolls down her stockings with a bit of that noir come-hither, Lauren Bacall-esque heavy bedroom eyes.

Finally, Carrick steps closer until he’s only a hair’s breadth away, like a target, filling her line of sight. The tension in the room is hot enough to send the thermometer reaching its maximum limit and she’s burning, burning, burning right through the core.

Claire cranes her head up to meet his gaze, noticing the way he’s drinking in her body like a pirate ogling a bottle of rum. High-strung, tense, Carrick lowers his head to her, his fingers carding through her long hair. Dimness consumes him raw, his silhouette is starting to find its place amongst the shadows except for his eyes. Never does the fire in his eyes falter, merely alight.

They are already nose-to-nose when Claire suddenly raises her hand over his lips. He withdraws from her, looking confused and hot and bothered.

“Take a seat over there, will you?” She motions to the settee near the bed, her tone leaving no room for argument.

He smirks, but she can see his bravado if faltering. “Ordering me around in the bed now, are we?”

“Didn’t you say tonight is about you making it up to me?”

“Touche, touche.” Carrick straightens his posture and makes his way to the settee across from her, shifting uncomfortably in his seat given the growing issue in his pants.

With eyes still trained to his, Claire cups her own breast, fingers pinching her pebbled nipple before the same hand travels lower down her stomach, her thighs. Carrick leans forward in his seat, obviously liking where this is going before Claire slowly and teasingly part her legs for him to see.

A surprised groan escapes him.

“Jesus, Claire,” Carrick hisses. “Fuck, I didn’t know you’re a goddamn tease.”

She doesn’t bother replying to him, but a winning grin finds its way across her face as she lays on her back, her shame and modesty are distant, knees pulled up so he can have a clear view of her. With two fingers, she runs them along her folds, dragging them slowly up to her clit. Claire imagines they are his fingers- which once upon a time would have horrified her, but tonight, as she repeats the motion over and over, knowing that he’s sitting there, watching her without being able to get his hands on her, she decides to submit to this newfound fantasy.

A rustle pulls her back to reality. He’s undoing his own pants, palming his cock, runs his fingers over the leaking head.

A low moan catches in her throat at that, her gaze snapping up from his erection to his face where his irises have darkened and pupils dilated. He wants to show her, that’s he’s as depraved as her when it comes to wanting, that he fucking wants her and in spades and she fails to think like a normal human being anymore.

Claire uses that image to work on herself harder, faster, feeling the intense pressure beginning to build beneath her fingers. She’s so wet now, despite him being able to see that, she wants him to hear it as well as she uses her idle hand to tap against herself. Carrick growls, his pace matching the rhythm she’s setting.

She slips her fingers inside her, drops her head back against the mattress and bites a loud moan that threatens to escape her lips. Flushing scarlet all over her abdomen, her breasts and up to her neck. Her blood thumping louder than bombs in her ears, her breaths begin to come in gasps.

Another fast and hard thrust from fingers, and Claire finds herself sighing his name.

“Tobias…”

And every last bit of his self-restraint snaps.

In just a blink of an eye, Carrick is already on his feet, grabs her waist, harshly, and tugs her down onto the edge of the bed where he’s now kneeling before her. He doesn’t bother with the teasings or soft kisses or caresses, and even before Claire has the time to register what’s happening, he crushes his face between her parted legs and eats her out.

She gasps, high and fleeting, twisting the bed sheet between her fists while his tongue flicks over her, moving back up, back down, lapping along her folds in the same motions she showed him with her hand, how she likes it. Claire forgets how to breathe. It just occurs to her just how arousing the sight of him on his knees like this, sending her mind hitchhiking into outer space.

“Oh, fuck.” She breathes, back arching on the bed with a drawn-out moan. “Fuck, Tobias!” Her hips gyrate over his mouth and she presses her heels against his shoulder blades. She’s so close. All she needs is a little push to send her careening into oblivion and it seems that Carrick can sense it because he brings two digits to her entrance and slides easily inside her, setting a ruthless pace.

With her hands reaching out to the back of his head, Claire cries out his name and trembles violently. Encouraged, Carrick curves his fingers inside her, hitting that exact spot that finally undoes her as she comes, long and hard, around his mouth and fingers- the kind of orgasm that you can feel deep in your bones- and watches as fireworks dance behind her lids.

When she finally comes down from her high, everything is hazy. It’s like waking up from a deep slumber after a decadent soak in a scented bath and she loses all orientation, until she feels him nipping the inside of her thighs. She hisses, glances down, heavy-lidded eyes finding Carrick is leaving bruises after bruises all over her skin like some kind of a lewd memento of his work, like he wants her to remember this the next time she wakes up in her own bed and he’s not there.

"Are you trying to turn me into a Na'vi, doctor?” She asks, still kinda breathless, feeling surprisingly conversational despite having just experienced, if not, one of the best orgasms in her life. He smiles against her thigh and withdraws from her, only after her thighs are sufficiently bruised enough, licks his fingers clean and stands up at the end of the bed.

“Maybe. You’d make a cute blue extraterrestrial creature, though,” he replies cheekily, then undoes the button of his shirt, showcasing his naked torso.

Claire feels her cheeks heating up again, but forces herself to stare; eyes following his pectoral muscles, down to the toned lines of his abdomen while he slides off of his pants. The man is one fine specimen, alright, and he knows- smug bastard- and she thinks it’s such a shame that Carrick is… well, Carrick. If the man learns how to shut up for one minute or avoid trying to sabotage everyone’s career at Edenbrook altogether, maybe, just maybe, she’d consider him.

“But honestly, I just wanted to hear you say my name again,” Carrick continues, crawling his way up to her, pulling her out of her musings. He settles between her thighs. His lips finding her ear and nibbling at the lobe while his fingers pinching and pulling at her nipple. Claire shivers. Nails scraping along his skin, raising angry marks that would certainly be there tomorrow.

When they kiss, it’s so good that she can’t help but curl her toes. He kisses her like he’s trying to steal her breath or her name. She can taste herself in his mouth, which sparks so many feelings inside her. Her mind’s foggy, sweat pooling on her forehead. Carrick is but shoves his tongue into her mouth, lapping at her, biting, sucking and she leans hard into the kiss, retaliates by scraping her teeth against his bottom lip. It spurs him on. Making his cock twitch against her thigh and Claire decides she can’t wait anymore.

Claire rolls her hips at him. He takes the hint and rolls over to grab a condom from his pants. Then he’s back on top of her, his weight and heat crushing her most deliciously and brings her body further up the bed with him; she drapes her legs around his hips, hands gripping his arms. Her lust and anticipation collaborate to the point of near madness.

Carrick nips the taut line of her jaw and drives himself into her.

They both groan in unison.

“Oh, fuck.” Carrick mumbles between shaky breaths, his face pressed against her throat. “Fucking hell, Claire, you feel so warm.”

Claire, on the other hand, goes rigid under him. Her mouth hangs open and her world narrows down to the feeling of his cock inside her and the pleasure that builds up again in her abdomen.

This is happening, she thinks, he’s inside her and it feels so amazing. She might as well be crazy for agreeing to do this with him in the first place, but the promise of the thrill beats the doubts.

He starts slow, just the smallest fraction of hips, gently thrusting back and forth in shallow motions. She whines, frustrated and impatient, raising her own hips to meet his, but Carrick’s weight pins her onto the mattress and she can’t fucking move.

“F-faster,” Claire stammers, her molars grinding like toothache.

The bastard smirks, like he’s been anticipating the word coming out of her mouth.

“Beg for it.” His words are punctuated with every unhurried stroke he’s giving her, teasing her and if she’s not in the middle of being fucked right now, she would have kicked him in the balls.

Growling, she swallows her plea by pulling Carrick down for another kiss. This time, she’s the one who does the biting and the sucking, making sure he’s distracted enough and then just like with all the things she does in her life, she takes the matter into her own hands.

With all her strength, she scrambles up, pushes him off of her and knocks him onto his back flat on the bed. When she swings her legs to straddle him, his eyes pop.

“Holy shit, you are feisty.”

“Only cause I’m angry and horny,” she bites off. Angling herself above him and with one hand, guides his shaft back to her opening. “And you- you weren’t doing a proper job fucking me.”

He smirks. “I was trying to wind you up.”

“Fuck you.”

She lowers herself and sinks back onto his cock, relishing in his moans and growls.

“Baby, you’re doing it.” His hands curling around her waist, his head falls back onto the bed, exposing his throat and Claire is so hard-pressed not to bite him there.

Claire ignores his smartassness, naturally, and lifts herself, drops back down. Slamming her hips into his until she’s bouncing on him. Nails clawing at his chest. Finally be able to set a pace she desperately craves for, finally wiping that smirk off of his face.

Under her, Carrick is biting his lip in an effort to not to lose control. His hands are everywhere now; her stomach, her breasts, her neck, her cheeks. Leaving fire on its wake. She might still hate him after this is strange, little arrangement is over but at this juncture, he’s exactly the remedy she needs after everything.

Then Carrick wraps his arms around her and picks up the pace, thrusting into her hard and fast. Claire shakes. She can’t catch her breath, her forehead pressed on his shoulder, her teeth latching onto his skin. Breathing a string of 'fuckfuckfuck’ while he squeezes her ass and continues to fuck her with careless abandon.

"Tobias.” Her moans amplify. She’s close to climaxing again, her legs quivering. Eyes wide shut. “Please, please.” So much for not begging.

He pulls her to him so their foreheads meet. Their lips brush against each other, but they aren’t kissing, merely trading breaths. A hand touches her cheek and her lids flutter open, finding his eyes- those depthless, amber eyes that pretty much lead her to this point, are watching her, pulling her in.

“Say it again,” he encourages darkly, face twists in pleasure. “My name. Say it again.”

She does it again, it comes out as a groaned whisper, repeating it over and over again like a sacred mantra.

Her second orgasm sweeps through her, making her spine arches, it tears a winded moan from her throat and it’s more than enough to trigger Carrick’s own release; fingers digging into the soft flesh of her hips, groaning gutturally.

Panting, sore but sated, Claire collapses on top of his chest, his arm still drapes around her. The rise and fall of his breath lull her to sleep. Before she knows it, he gently rolls her to his side, pulling the covers for them and kisses her on the shoulder, which comes out as… odd for her.

The bed moves and she feels him leaving.

He’s leaving.

He’s leaving.

She doesn’t know why it stings, but it does. But also Claire opts not to pay no mind to it and forces her mind to surrender to sleep that once again tries to take hold.

Claire wishes she doesn’t dream of him that night, but she does.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It’s way past midnight when she wakes up. The room is dark. The curtains are closed. She’s still naked and sore under the covers, mind reeling in from what has just transpired.

One might ask in which universe does Claire Castelnuovo agree to sleep with Tobias Carrick? Well, apparently they did it in this one and oddly still, she doesn’t regret it. Though she’s still low-key sad that he left her straight after sex, but hey, what can she do about it? This arrangement itself is nothing but a means to an end, anyway, a perverse alternative for him to pay back what he allegedly owes her, she shouldn’t be surprised if he left after the ‘debt’ is paid.

Feeling her mood somehow takes an unexpected dip, she gets us from the bed and gathers her clothes on the floor.

She’s in the middle of zipping up her skirt when the bedside lamp flickers and comes on.

Claire turns around. Carrick, rousing from sleep, looks at her, rubbing his eyes and stifles a yawn. His lips still tinged from her kisses and bites.

“Leaving so soon?” he asks, voice still raspy from sleep and Claire thinks her mouth is hanging open, standing rooted to the spot like a spider on an icicle; frozen in time.

For a moment, she does nothing but stares at him, being rendered speechless. For many times, Tobias Carrick never fails to surprise her. Just when she thinks she has him all figured out, he comes sneaking in through her windows like a thief in the night and it just strikes her, how he really is an uncharted territory for her. Despite her having him pinned under her, exploring the hard planes of his body under the touches just a few hours ago.

The man is like a fucking myth, at this point. She knows him only from stories and her limited time around him, but who is exactly Tobias Carrick? Is he the competitive doctor at Mass Kenmore, the Machiavellian asshole that severed his friendship/relationship with Ethan for the sake of his greed and ambition? Or is he, Tobias Carrick, the man who saves her life, makes her laugh and kisses her shoulder in the afterglow?

She’ll probably never know.

“Yeah, my roommates will probably deploy a search party if I don’t come home tonight,” she replies, distracted, finally finding her own voice back. He nods, feigning disappointment- or is he not? She clears her throat and continues putting on her clothes. “I thought you left.”

He chuckles at the absurdity of her deduction. “And without saying goodbye?” Carrick rolls off of the bed and rises to his feet. He’s already wearing his pants- thank fuck for that- and approaches her. “I may be an asshole, Castelnuovo, but just so you know, my mother raised me better than that.”

So they’re back to their usual last name basis perimeter. That’s good, right? After all of this, she thinks a little familiarity would be nice for her sanity.

“Good to know, then.”

Silence encompasses the room. It’s awkward and overwhelming and it throws her a little off-balance. At the bar, they seemed to know exactly what to say to each other- especially him; but now, even she can sense the hesitation in his gait, at the way he’s looking at her and a faint alarm is trilling her head. Because if he’s making this awkward, she can do a whole lot of worse.

"Oh, before you ask, that makes up for pretty much everything, yeah. I mean, it’s alright.” You fucking dumbass, she thinks to herself, averting his gaze while a smile blooms on his face.

“Good to know, then.” He parrots her words and she huffs a laugh, freely and sweetly, like she’s currently not knee-deep in her problems or she’s just fucked the most incorrigible man that ever exists. He does too, but his gaze lands on her mouth before going back to her eyes.

Another silence passes. It’s time to go.

“I have to go now.”

He nods mutely and moves away so Claire can step past him.

She wears her coat. In the mirror, she still looks thoroughly fucked; her hair’s dishevelled, she smells like him now, but she really needs to go. She promises herself that this will be a one time thing because, Jesus fuck, she’s supposed to be smarter than this. She’s not fifteen anymore, and this is not the summer where she can watch the sunset from the cornfields with her cousins even though his eyes possess the same color.

Yet she walks toward the door in a daze, like she’s forgetting something but can’t pinpoint what it is.

“Can I-”

“Hey, do you-”

She stops, mid-turning, and closes her mouth. She doesn’t realize she’s interrupting him.

“Oh, sorry,” Claire says, embarrassed. “You go first, it’s alright.”

“Can I have your number?” he asks, uncharacteristically hesitant.

She thinks he’s joking or maybe he’s just feigning interest, but one look at his eyes and she can tell that this isn’t smoke and mirrors.

The eyes, chico. They never lie. It’s dumb, but that line from Scarface is the first thing that comes to her mind. That’s why when she hands him her phone, her hand is shaking slightly. She has to bite her lip to stop herself from grinning like a maniac.  

Claire takes a cursory glance at her phone once he returns it. He saved his number solely as t.c. with the water drop, the syringe, the ghost, the eggplant, the firework emoji and she chuckles endearingly, questioning the universe how he can easily get both a rise and a laugh out of her.

“I’ll text you?” Carrick asks again and she nods a little too enthusiastically at it, but what the hell?

“Sure.”

“Alright.” He takes one look at her, steps closer and for a moment, she thinks he might be going to kiss her.

“Goodnight, Claire,” Carrick says instead and she nods, admitting the fact that he’s not going to do it.

“Goodnight to you too, Tobias.” Then pauses at the doorway, feeling surprisingly bold. “I gotta give it to you, though, for someone who’s become the bane of my existence for months, you’re a damn good lay.”

He barks out a laugh, obviously, that Claire can hear all the way down the hall. And she thinks she can get used to the sound.

                                                         fin.

Tag list: @villain-fuckarooni @beckaroo @arfeiniel​ @this-person-is-busy @colossalpainintheass​ @drethanramslay @hatescapsicum @theeccentricbibliophile

[deja-you]

foreign affairs | part three | d.c.

m. de lafayette x reader

summary: In 2020, Representative Y/n L/n is up for reelection. Lafayette, Y/n’s former best friend and current French socialite and playboy, decides this is the time to walk back into her life.

word count: 5.3k

author’s note: this is the last chapter of this series! it’s been so much fun writing this for you guys, hope you’ve enjoyed it. fair warning, this chapter/ending is pretty melancholic. 

trailer | previous

Although his grandmother had wanted him to be, Lafayette wasn’t Catholic.

Like any other Parisian, he might attend a special Christmas or Easter service, but he wouldn’t call himself a Catholic. His grandmother had always wanted him to be more devout in his faith. Since his father had died when he was young and his mother was a young woman just starting off her political career, his grandmother raised him for the most part. 

She was an organist and would play for different churches every weekend, never finding a church she liked well enough to stay very long. His grandmother had even taught Lafayette to play a few songs. At one point, she had bought Lafayette a crucifix on a chain to keep with him. 

It wasn’t one of those cool, sleek chains you would see people wearing proudly. It was a silver chain with dark beads on it, something you might see an old lady wearing. A silver chain with a tiny Jesus on a tiny cross. He had lost it almost immediately. 

Lafayette had always had a habit of misplacing items. In high school, he had conveniently lost his homework on multiple occasions. He was always losing just one half of a pair of socks. Could you imagine how stupid he looked walking around with one black sock and one white sock on? He couldn’t even remember how many times he had woken up hungover with no idea of where his wallet or keys were. 

The point is, Lafayette was a grown man who was used to losing things. Yet, no matter how many items he lost, he still wasn’t prepared to lose Y/n.

And yes, he knew it was all his fault. Everything seemed to be his fault these days. Lafayette wasn’t even denying that he had made another huge mistake. What kind of idiot sleeps with the secretary of the girl he was in love with? Seriously, why did I write such an idiot?

It had been eight years since Paris. After all this time, Lafayette was just as proficient at destroying his relationship with Y/n as he had been when they were younger. You would think that he would learn from his mistakes, or Y/n would have been able to forgive him, but no. Maybe they were young and stupid then, but they were still very much young and very much stupid. 

Lafayette had made a stupid decision. If it hadn’t been clear to him the night before, it was blatantly apparent to him the next morning while Sybil was getting dressed.

“Last night was a mistake.” He cringed at his words as soon as he said them. Last time he had woken up next to a girl and told her it was a mistake, it didn’t go so well. 

“Not in a bad way, I mean,” Lafayette quickly amended. “I am sorry, was that rude to say?”

Sybil gave him a look that he couldn’t quite read. “No, it’s alright. I agree with you.”

“You do?”

“Yes,” she nodded, “it was unprofessional, and by the looks of it, it didn’t help you get whoever she is off your mind.”

Lafayette rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, looking at the bed or the floor or the window or at anyone but her. “You are right. I just... Anyway, this can’t happen again.”

“No, never. It was a bad idea to begin with,” Sybil muttered.

There was a silence that fell between them, neither of them knowing what to say until Lafayette awkwardly said, “I’ll see you around, then.”

“Right, right. Are you going to Congresswoman L/n’s election night party?” It was more of a way to fill the silence than actual curiosity.

At the reminder of Y/n, Lafayette had to stop him self from outwardly groaning, but he couldn’t help but grimace. If things with her hadn’t been messed up before, they definitely would be now. 

“I should attend that, shouldn’t I? I’m just not sure Y/n will want me there.”

“You are a major donor,” Sybil pointed out. “It would make sense. If you and the Congresswoman don’t get along, why do you come around the office so often and make contributions?”

He didn’t even know how to respond to that, and his silence was telling. Suddenly everything clicked for Sybil. The frequent visits to Congresswoman L/n’s office. The disappointment on his face when she had told him Y/n specifically didn’t want to talk to him. The woman Sybil had asked him about last night. The way he called her by her first name.

“Oh no. The woman you’re in love with is Congresswoman L/n, isn’t it?” Sybil pieced it together. 

Lafayette’s mouth hung open silently, his eyes told her she was correct.

“I never would have kissed you if I had known. I never would have done a lot of things with you if I had known. My boss? Please tell me I’m wrong about this.”

“You’re not.”

She groaned. “And it was so obvious, wasn’t it?”

“It’s obvious?”

“Of course! How did I not realize until now? I don’t want to get in the middle of anything, I just didn’t know.” 

“You’re not getting in the middle of anything.” Lafayette shook his head. “I ruined any chance I had with Y/n long before last night. I really think she wants me out of her life this time. I should get on the next plane back to France, shouldn’t I?”

“Are you asking me, your one night stand, for advice?” Sybil said. “Not going to lie, this is a first for me. You’re going to miss the election night party if you leave.”

“Does it matter if I go to this event? Y/n doesn’t want to be with me, showing up to a party isn’t going to change that.”

“Look,” Sybil said firmly, “if you really love her, does it really matter if she wants to be with you or not? If you love her, you should want what’s best for her and her career, even if that means she still doesn’t want to be with you.”

He bit his cheek and thought her words over. “I get that, it’s just...”

“It’s your decision. Regardless of whatever happened between the two of you, she could use your support at the election party. Think about it, okay?”

John Adams was going to win the race, he had been ahead in the polls for weeks now. Thomas Jefferson had run an admirable campaign, well, as admirable as a campaign could be that outwardly trashed congress members in the media. Y/n never took his insults personally, even though she knew Jefferson wanted her to. 

Tonight she wasn’t going to let thoughts of Jefferson get her down, even though the news anchors on the television would continuously bring him up. Tonight was going to be a big win for the Democratic party. Jefferson was trailing Adams in electoral votes, and there were only a few states left to be accounted for. 

Y/n has spent most of the night talking with voters and showing off some of her bartending skills at the venue they had rented out for the election party. She was having a lively conversation with a single-mom when Lafayette walked in the door. Suddenly, it was like she had tunnel vision. Everyone else was dark and blurry, but everything about Lafayette seemed to be vibrant and in focus. 

Since the last time she had seen him, Y/n had been doing her best not to waste her time thinking about him. Not that it was an easy task to do, Lafayette had a way of being memorable. Still, Y/n had bigger things to focus on than an old flame. 

Now election night had finally rolled around. No politician was bothering Y/n because they were too focused on the presidential election or their own reelections. And at this time at night, the polls in Y/n’s district had closed. There was no more campaigning she could do at this moment, so she had nothing to distract her from her former best friend who was staring at her from the other side of the room. 

Saying a brief apology to the woman she was talking to, Y/n began weaving her way through the crowd until she was standing a foot a way from Lafayette. Her red lips formed a cordial smile, and to any onlooker, it looked like a kind greeting between two acquaintances. 

“I didn’t think you would show up,” Y/n said cooly.

He bit the inside of his cheek and tilted his head to the said ever so slightly. “I almost didn’t. I know things have been awkward between us lately, but I wanted to show my support for your success. No matter what happens between us, I’m always going to have your back Y/n.”

Her mouth parted slightly, a little surprised and touched by his response. When she didn’t respond, Lafayette quickly added on, “but I can always leave if you don’t want me here.”

“No, no.” She closed her mouth and shook her head. “No, stay. I want you to stay.”

A small smile began making its way across Lafayette’s features. He opened his mouth to say something else, but Nathan had appeared at Y/n’s shoulder.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Nathan said, adjusting his glasses. “Good to see you could make it, Monsieur de Lafayette. You think I could borrow the Congresswoman for a moment?” He turned to face Y/n. “They’re about to call your election.”

“Of course, I’ll see you around, Lafayette.” She gave him another smile before Nathan ushered her to the front of the room where a local newscaster was announcing the results for her district.  

The room went quiet and the volume on the tv was turned up. The anchor smiled at the camera and announced, “...and it looks like Representative Y/n L/n has won her reelection campaign by a large margin. Horatio Gates trailed the congresswoman by...”

Y/n wouldn’t know how much she had beaten Horatio Gates by until the next moment. Everything after the anchor announced she had won reelection went unheard. An upbeat victory song had begun playing somewhere in the room, yelling and cheering warmed Y/n from her toes up to her head. Her mouth hung open for the longest time, and before she knew it, she was pulling the nearest person, Nathan, into a tight hug. 

At some point, reporters had swarmed the venue and Y/n began giving out answers to all the questions they threw at her. There were a lot of congratulations and thank yous going around, and Y/n nearly lost herself in all the wonderful chaos. There was more wonderful chaos when John Adams was announced the next president of the United States later that evening, but Y/n hadn’t even been given enough time to soak in her own victory. 

Don't follow men out to the street at 3 a.m.

The election party officially ended at midnight, but that didn't stop people from staying for a few more hours. At 3 a.m. there were maybe five people left at the party. Now that most people were gone Lafayette decided he would approach Y/n one last time.

“Hey, I just wanted to make sure I congratulated you on your win again before I head back to France,” he said.

Y/n blinked. “You’re going home?”

“Early tomorrow morning.”

Y/n’s mouth hung open slightly, but she didn't say anything. Lafayette gave her a thin smile, a polite nod, and then headed out the door.

He had already exited the venue when Y/n processed what had happened. Not heeding my earlier warning, she followed Lafayette out onto the street at 3:00 a.m.

“So that's it, then, is it?” She called after him. “That’s the end?”

He turned around and raised an eyebrow. “The end of what?”

“The end of us. You're just going to leave?”

“Us? What do you want me to say, Y/n? That I regret what I did? That I'm sorry? Because I've already tried that.” He sounded exhausted. “You are just tormenting me now. Do you know how much this is hurting me?”

“You?” Y/n couldn't believe he was acting like the victim. “This is all on you. I can't count how many times you’ve hurt me

“What, you think I don't know that I messed up? You think I don’t regret the decisions I made every day?” Lafayette ran a hand through his hair. “Chèrie, I've used every kind of soap I have, and I still don't feel clean.”

The raw honesty in his words struck both of him deeply. A heavy silence settled between them. Eventually Lafayette reached into his pocket and pulled out two items. He desperately thrusted the objects into her open palm.

“I've been holding on to those for years. I don't want to keep them any longer.”

Y/n looked at the items he had given her. One was an old, worn ticket from a concert. The other item was a necklace. The one she had worn on their one shared night together. Y/n thought she had lost it and never expected to see it again.

“I dated lots of women when I was younger,” he admitted. “It never ended well. I've never been good at being sincere. Every relationship I've been in I ruined. You want to know why we never dated? Because I loved you. To the moon and back.”

“To the moon and back?” She repeated.

He nodded. “I loved you since I've known you. I couldn't let you be another girl I ruin things with. I guess everyone knew we were in love with each other except for us. Even Molly figured it out. That's why we broke up.

“Why didn't we ever tell each other?”

“We were just kids,” he suggested. “We spent all our time watching lovers in rom-coms tell each other what we were too afraid to tell ourselves.”

Y/n stared at the items she held in her hand. She let the ticket and the necklace fall from her hand onto the dark street below.

“This doesn't change anything.” She shook her head. “You walk in dreams. Dreams of what once was, what could have been, and what never will be. You hold onto the tangible things a ticket stub from our first concert, the necklace I lost years ago. You hold onto these objects because they make your dreams feel a little more real. Something you can touch or see, but in the end? It's all in your head.”

“What are you saying, Y/n?”

“Lafayette, I don’t doubt for a second that you loved me. Maybe you still love me. It’s just not enough to make up for all the ways we’ve hurt each other. I’m tired of being hurt, okay?” Y/n tugged at the sleeves of her coat, trying to find the words to tell him what needed to be said. “I’m finally happy and successful. I’m changing the world.”

“I knew you would. I always knew you would.”

In the next few months, Y/n would replay that evening again and again in her mind until it would drive her to the brink of madness.  “Out of sight, out of mind” was a proverb Y/n wouldn’t understand until four months after the election night, when the words Lafayette had spoken to her on the street seemed like an eternity ago. When a year passed, that night seemed almost like a figment of her imagination now. 

Besides, Y/n didn’t have a lot of time to think about events that had conspired over a year ago now. She had legislation to pass and funding to allocate. There was never a slow day in D.C. 

“Y/n, you saw what Fox News said about you this morning?” Nathan asked, setting down a cup of coffee.

More focused on the steaming cup of coffee that had been set down in front of her than anything Nathan had said, she gave him a noncommittal shrug. “I don’t know. Was it anything new?”

Nathan considered for a moment before shaking his head. “No, not really. They were just informing the public that you’re a radical leftist who wants to abolish ICE and free healthcare for all.”

Y/n scoffed. “They figured out I wan’t to keep families together and take care of the health of millions of American citizens? Oh no.”

“You’re not bothered by any of this?”

“Well, they’re not wrong? By all definitions, I am a radical leftist.” She shrugged and pulled the warm cup of coffee closer to her. “Besides, anyone who’s watching Fox News already has a biased opinion toward me. We’ve got bigger things to worry about, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Nathan agreed. “For one thing, France announced its support for your foreign aid bill. If your bill gets passed, they pledged to match whatever amount we’re spending on foreign aid.”

This seemed to wake Y/n up in a way that her coffee just couldn’t. “Really? That’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”

“I’m glad you think so. I’ve lined an interview up for you and a French diplomat in an hour downtown. You ready to go?” 

Y/n sat up straight in her chair. “You really sprung this on me! Nathan, I haven’t had anytime to prep.”

He rolled his eyes and handed her a thick binder. “It’ll just be a few questions, mostly just to show the public a picture of you and a French official side by side. You can handle any questions, you wrote the damn bill. Besides, we can prep in the car.”

Y/n figured she had no points left to argue, likely Nathan’s intention. Begrudgingly, she followed Nathan out to the front of the building and they got into the backseat of the car. They began going back and forth, Nathan asking her questions on the foreign aid bill, and Y/n responding with well articulated answers.

“See? I told you you had nothing to worry about,” Nathan said in the elevator, finally closing the binder.

Y/n rolled her eyes. “That’s because I’m just magnificent and well-spoken.”

“Yes, yes you are. You’re going to kill this interview.”

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. They began walking over to a small hair and makeup set up, and Y/n froze when she saw who was already on set laughing with the interviewer. She turned on her heel and jabbed a finger into Nathan’s chest.

“You didn’t tell me Lafayette was the French diplomat!” She hissed.

Nathan’s mouth fell open in mock surprise. “Did I forget to mention that to you? How silly of me.”

“Nathan, I swear to God. I wouldn’t have agreed to this if I had known Lafayette would be here!”

“Then it’s a good thing I didn’t tell you, huh?”

Y/n scowled at him. “I haven’t spoken to him in over a year, and last time we spoke, well...”

“I know you’re not on the best terms. Maybe this will help bury the hatchet.” Nathan suggested.

“Nathan, we need to can--”

“Oh dear, it seems I’m getting a call. I should really take this. I’ll see you back at the office, Y/n.” He motioned to his phone that was clearly not ringing and retreated back to the elevator. 

After quietly cursing Nathan under her breath, Y/n resigned to her fate and allowed for some intern to touch up her hair and makeup. When they were done, she was ushered onto set in a seat next to Lafayette and across from their interviewer, J.P. Martin. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Congresswoman L/n.” J.P. Martin said with a disarming grin. “I’m glad you could make it to this interview on such short notice.”

She forced a smile, “thank you for letting me discuss my foreign aid bill.”

Y/n could feel Lafayette’s lingering gaze on her skin, but she refused to take her eyes off the interviewer in front of her. J.P. Martin said something else flattering that Y/n didn’t take to heart, then someone on the crew began to count down, then they were rolling. 

“Today I’m joined with Representative Y/n L/n and Ambassador Lafayette to discuss L/n’s foreign aid bill,” J.P. looked straight into the camera with a wide grin. “Before we get into the details of all that, it’s my understanding that Representative L/n and Ambassador Lafayette have a history. Is this true?”

She froze in her chair. How had this interviewer find out what happened between her and Lafayette? Would this be a scandal she found in the newspaper the next morning? In all the time she had taken with Nathan to prep for this interview, she was already caught off guard by the first question.

“Yes, this is very true. Y/n and I go way back. We met when she was studying abroad in Paris and quickly became close friends,” Lafayette said. Y/n finally glanced over at him, and he gave her a reassuring smile. 

“Well how about that?” J.P. directed his next question at Y/n. “Was it intimidating being friends with President de La Rivière’s son?”

Y/n was feeling more relaxed now after the initial shock. “At first, yes. Of course it was. I’m pretty sure I tripped over my feet the first time I met President de La Rivière.”

“You didn’t!” J.P. said with an amused gasp.

Lafayette chuckled and nodded. “She did. I remember my mother asking me afterwards why I was friends with that awkward American.”

“Oh, I can imagine,” J.P. was positively beaming. 

“I think my mother understands now that Y/n is the youngest woman serving in the United States Congress,” Lafayette was subtlety pointing out Y/n’s accomplishments. “And speaking as her son and an official ambassador from France, I can confidently say President de La Rivière was impressed with Y/n’s foreign aid bill.”

“So impressed that the French government has promised to match the amount the U.S. is spending if the bill gets passed.” J.P. turned to face Y/n, his expression turning more serious. “Tell me, Congresswoman, why do we need to increase the amount of money we spend on foreign aid? We’re already spending 39.2 billion on foreign aid.”

Y/n smiled when he asked this. Really smiled. These were the kind of questions she had prepared to answer, and she knew she had Lafayette to thank for the topic change. “J.P., most Americans think 10% of government spending should be spent on foreign aid.”

“Yes, that seems reasonable,” J.P. nodded.

“39.2 billion might seem like a big number,” Y/n continued, “but that’s less than one percent of our federal budget.”

“Is that true?”

The rest of the interview went fairly well. Y/n had intelligent answers to each question J.P. asked, and Lafayette was there to assure J.P. that France was in full support of Y/n’s bill. Before she knew it, J.P. was saying they were out of time and thanking both her and Lafayette for coming to the interview. 

The crew began to disperse quickly once the interview had commenced. Now that the interview was over, the realization that Lafayette was standing beside her begun to sink in. She loved the idea of walking off the set and never seeing him again, but unfortunately, they were both headed in the direction of the singular elevator.

“I assume you’re going to the lobby as well?” Lafayette asked, pressing the down button on the elevator.

Y/n nodded. “I am.”

The elevator opened and Lafayette gestured for her to step in first before following behind her. They stood in silence for a moment. Y/n hated how slow this elevator was moving, a fact that she hadn’t noticed on the ride up. 

Finally, Y/n caved and she spoke to fill the silence. “I didn’t know you were back in the United States.”

He gave her a sideways look, doing his best to hide a smile. “I’m the French Ambassador to the United States now, Y/n. Did you really not know that?”

She clicked her head and shrugged. “I might’ve read it somewhere, I guess I just forgot. I’m a busy person.”

“Oh, I know.”

Y/n turned to face Lafayette and considered him for a moment. “I suppose you’re a busy person as well, now. How’d you get this gig, nepotism?”

Lafayette laughed and leaned against the wall of the elevator. “Believe it or not, I’m extremely qualified. I’ve served as a representative for France in the EU for a couple years, worked in the state department, long with other places.”

The elevator finally opened up to the lobby, but now Y/n wasn’t ready to end their conversation. “Huh. I guess I forgot that you’re actually a pretty intelligent person under all those layers.”

“Layers of what?” He asked with an amused grin.

“Layers of stupidity.” Y/n shrugged.

Lafayette chuckled and held the door open for her. “I guess that’s fair.”

“It’s more than fair,” Y/n sighed. She looked back at him over her shoulder. “So what is it that ambassadors actually do? I’ve always been curious.”

“A lot of ceremonial gifts and handshakes,” Lafayette admitted. “But very important handshakes. I met with President Adams last week, and I’m headed to meet with Washington at Mount Vernon now.”

“Sounds luxurious. Maybe I should’ve considered becoming an ambassador if it meant I get to spend time with President Washington.”

He paused. “Well, meeting with Washington is more for personal reasons than anything to do with being an ambassador.”

“Oh yeah?” Y/n raised an eyebrow. “I forgot you were best friends with every prominent American.”

“You’re not wrong,” he grinned. “Can’t help it that everyone loves me. Democrats and Republicans. I’m planning to have dinner with Jefferson next month. And I used to be best friends with the illustrious Representative Y/n L/n.”

His words were teasing, but he noticed when Y/n tensed when he said “used to be.” She opened her mouth to respond, then closed it again. Shifting from foot to foot awkwardly, Lafayette cleared his throat and asked, “What’s next for you?”

She considered him for a moment before responding earnestly. “The Oval Office, eventually.”

“Really?”

“Are you surprised?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Not really. I always knew you were destined for great things, Y/n.”

“Did you, now?”

“Yes, in fact,” Lafayette reached into his pocket and took out a checkbook and a pen. “Let me be one of the first investors to your presidential campaign.”

He handed her the check he had just written. Y/n stared at the check she had been handed, still not entirely processing the extra zero written on the dotted line.

“Is this a joke?”

“No, it takes a lot of money to run for president.”

“I know that, but why would you…” She trailed off, then narrowed her eyes as a thought occurred to her. “This is just you trying to win me over by spending absurd amounts of time and money on things you don’t actually care about. I’ve seen this before.”

“You’ve seen what?”

“This exact scene.” Looking around seemed to solidify Y/n’s conception. They were standing on a sidewalk. Maybe Y/n and been young and naïve in the past, but now she knew how to recognize patterns. She recognized this one. How many times before had the pair of them ended up on a sidewalk together? And how had it ended for Y/n each time?

She counted five times now. The first was the day she had met him. It was Paris, and he had a completely disarming smile that made Y/n trust him immediately. 

The next time it was late, both of them were drunk, and they were laughing in the dark while they waited for a cab to drive by. 

The third time was in New York, ice cream cones in both of their hands and heartbreak on the agenda. That night she had remembered especially well. 

The fourth had been about a year ago now, and although she had tried to forget it, it had been burned into the back of her mind like a scar that would never heal. 

This would be the fifth time, and this time she knew better.

Each sidewalk rendezvous went the same way. Every time. And worse yet, they always ended the same.

“What is this scene?” Lafayette asked, genuinely confused.

“It starts innocent enough, doesn’t it? Just two friends on a sidewalk. But this is how it goes,” she laid out the scene for him. “You’ll reach into your pocket and pull out a cigarette. I’ll tell you how unhealthy it is, but you’ll smoke anyway. We’ll smile and laugh, until it gets to the point where we don’t want to be friends anymore. Then you’ll lean in and kiss me, or, at least, I’ll be wishing you’d kiss me.

Not such a bad scene, is it? Except every time it ends the same. You’ll wake up in someone else’s bed and break my heart. I’m just so tired of letting you do this to me! I’ve finally figured you out, and it’s not going to happen again. You’re my best friend, Lafayette, but I can’t keep letting you hurt me.”

When she had finished her rant, a quietness settled between the two of them. Lafayette watched her carefully, waiting to see if she had anything else to say, but it seemed that she had gotten everything off her chest now.

“That’s not what’s going to happen this time,” he finally said.

She looked into his eyes to figure out if she really believed him. Did she really want to believe him? “No? How can you be sure?”

“There are a few things in your “Lafayette breaks Y/n’s heart” equation that have changed. First of all, I stopped smoking a while ago,” he informed her.

Y/n was beyond surprised. For as long as she had known him, he had always been a smoker. It was part of his personality and was synonymous with his name. If there were two things that she was sure she could count on, it would be Lafayette smoking cigarettes and breaking her heart. Had he really quit?

“Second,” Lafayette continued on, “I’m not going to kiss you.”

“You’re not?” She almost sounded disappointed.

“Not this time. We learned our lesson, didn’t we?” He sighed, adjusted his jacket, and let his eyes fall to the cement at his feet. “You’ve ruined me. I’m never going to be able to love anyone the way I love you. And God, I love you so much.”

His heart felt heavy, like it was sinking further and further into his chest and he didn’t know if he would be able to find it again. There was a moment of silence to mourn something that had been lost. “You know I love you. You know that, right?”

Another certain truth. “Of course I do.”

“Good. I couldn’t live with myself if you didn’t know. I love you, and I can’t tell you how much I hate that that isn’t enough.”

She smiled. The kind of smile you give when you know that something lovely is coming to an end. Sometimes there is nothing you can do but smile.

His voice was tender when he spoke again. “No one ever told me that being in love would hurt this much. Am I a sadist for wanting to love you more?”

“No, darling, you’re just a romantic. That’s the worst we could be.”

Lafayette nodded because he couldn’t find it inside himself to smile. His town car showed up to take him to the airport at that moment. He bit the inside of his cheek, considering the different things he had enough time to say. Lafayette shook his head when he came to the decision that there was nothing left to say. He had already made it to the car and opened the door when he changed his mind.

“You know,” Y/n addressed Lafayette once more. “This might be crazy, but no matter what happened between us, I always thought it would be you and I in the end.”

Lafayette paused and pulled away from the car. He hesitated before making his way to Y/n. He gently held her chin between two fingers, looking her deep in her eyes as if he was searching for her soul.

“To the moon and back, remember?” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, then parted from her and got in the waiting car.

Not everyone gets the fairytale ending you see in movies. But they loved. Really loved. And that was enough.

Real love isn’t like the movies. No, it’s painful and warm and terribly strong. Mostly it’s good.

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

My mind was plagued with thoughts of the episode where the kids think Perry laid an egg and the comic where Perry saves a baby platypus from Doof, and that got me thinking: what if Perry was actually a dad to a baby platypus? One possibility is that Perry wouldn't want his child to become an agent at such a young age and would rather have his kid decide if they want to do it when they're older, but I believe that either way, the young platypus would inherit Perry's anthropomorphism.

oh my god I’ve never even thought about Dad!Perry before 🥺 I thought his relationship with the Flynn-Fletcher kids was wholesome but that has some real potential to become the superior relationship

obligatory “read more” to save everyone who doesn’t care how I feel about Dad!Perry

Okay first I gotta ask how we think this would happen. Is it the egg from Perry Lays An Egg that hatches, except it really is a baby platypus and Perry ends up taking it in because no one else can? Or is it Perry taking one of Doof’s platybabies home? Or is it trans!Perry laying his own egg? Or Perry has sex with another platypus (that’s such a weird thought lmao) and somehow he becomes the sole guardian of the egg? As the numero uno “Perry is an asexual demibiromantic platypus” stan, I kinda like the first or second one, but I also feel like the platybaby should be related to him? But at the same time Phineas and Ferb is all about how family don’t end in blood so maybe that’s not important?

Anyways onto Dad!Perry because holy shit I’m excited to explore this

I’m gonna start at the end of the ask by saying that I feel like anthropomorphism isn’t genetically inherited; I feel like it’s something that’s taught. It’s kinda a nature vs nurture type thing so I guess it’s more a psychological debate than anything, but if I had to channel my inner English teacher and draw evidence from “the text” (aka the show), I gotta bring up the koi from Attack of the 50 Foot Sister that were just kinda vibin in the neighbors’ pond at the beginning of the episode and then Monogram had to make them agents to avoid a lawsuit and by the end they were saving Perry’s ass? Which is relevant to literally nothing except that I think any baby animal Perry raises, regardless of whether or not they’re related to him by blood (or even by species), will probably turn the lil baby into an anthropomorphic lil platybaby just because of all the human and human-like influences

And now the elephant in the room (cue OWCA Files Agent E joke): how does OWCA react to the news? Which I guess is really a follow-up question to how OWCA finds out in the first place. I think we can all agree that Perry won’t want to tell them. It’s not like he sees the other agents as friends that he wants to invite to the baby shower. But Monogram would want to know if there’s a new player in the Flynn-Fletcher house not that he knows who lives there now; that’s Carl’s area of expertise. Would he have to tell them? Is there a protocol for that? Especially if it’s just an egg he picks up from The Tree™ in the backyard. That’s basically just getting a new pet, right? And sure, Monogram would want to know, but is Perry legally obligated to tell him is the question.

But Monogram has to find out one way or another, and given that Perry is the best of the best, Monogram is going to want his kid in the club. Perry would 100% say no, too, but I don’t know if it would be because he wants his son (yes it’s a boy platybaby no I don’t know why) to have his own say in his future; I think Perry would consider OWCA too dangerous for his son. I mean, we saw what happened when Phineas, Ferb, and Candace got mixed up in his job: they were almost eaten by a goozim and the tri-state area was almost taken over by an evil dictator. He would definitely want to keep his son out of that scene if he could. At least all the dangers at home are Phineas-and-Ferb-sponsored, and unlike OWCA, they would make sure he didn’t get hurt.

Buuuut Monogram is also a dumbass and doesn’t know how to take no for an answer, so he’d keep pushing. It has to be a well-known fact around OWCA that changing Agent P’s mind about anything is not an easy feat, so maybe when Monogram realized it was a lost cause, he’d try to go around Perry’s back? Maybe while Perry was at work, he’d head to the Flynn-Fletchers’ house (or send Carl again like Undercover Carl) to try to get the platybaby alone? He could explain what OWCA is and that he would make a perfect candidate. I doubt Perry would have told his son about OWCA in any detail yet other than the fact that he works there and that’s where he goes every day, so this would all be new and interesting. And then Perry either comes home when Monogram or Carl is talking to his son about OWCA or his son brings it up himself, and Perry is fuming because he made it very clear that he didn’t want OWCA anywhere near his family. 

And now I can’t help but wonder if that would cause bigger problems between him and OWCA? What if that’s his breaking point, and he just flat-out quits because if they can’t respect his very few boundaries, he doesn’t owe them anything? And assuming the platybaby didn’t come from Doof, maybe that’s how they meet? Somehow he finds out that the reason there’s a new agent working his case is that Perry’s out on “permanent paternity leave” or something, and word gets back to Perry somehow (maybe Pinky heard it through the grapevine and told him? idk) that Doof wants to meet him? And Perry’s kinda wary buuuuut at the same time, Doof isn’t his nemesis anymore. If you take OWCA out of the equation, aren’t they just friends? 

WAIT A SECOND

IMAGINE HOW NORM WOULD REACT TO SEEING A BABY PLATYPUS

LIKE

I DON’T KNOW WHY

BUT NORM WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS BABY PLATYPUS

and Doof would get kinda annoyed because “He came here so I could meet the baby, you know,” and usually that’s enough to convince Norm that he’s doing something wrong, but this time Norm is just like, “But I love him?” And Doof expects Perry to back him up and he probably should but at the same time, his son looks so happy with Norm? Without OWCA’s training, he still has that platypus aspect to his personality that comes from both his animal instinct and how the Flynn-Fletchers treat him, so he’s just kinda snuggled up in Norm’s lap and Norm is just petting him?

And this is probably after he’s shown some human-like features and Doof knows that he’s about as human as Perry, so he asks, “Does he like being pet?” and Perry nods because duh of course he does and Doof just kinda looks at him for a moment and he’s like, “Do you like to be pet?” and Perry just fuckin decks him because no he does not yes he does and Doof just nods like, “Okay, fair enough.”

AND THEN VANESSA WALKS IN???

and she had absolutely no idea this was happening she’s about to go drop her stuff off in her room for the weekend and Norm’s like, “Look at my new friend!” and Vanessa thinks it’s gonna be something stupid but she walks over and sees the baby platypus and she starts freaking out because holy shit Perry is that yours? and obviously she needs to know literally everything there is to know about him because this is her nephew now and she will not take no for an answer.

And I feel like OWCA really wouldn’t like this? I mean, Perry completely severed ties with them over this platybaby, and now he’s bringing his son over to DEI at least twice a week to see his former nemesis? And idk what they would do about it because I don’t think there’s an actual protocol for this, but Monogram is Very Sensitive™ and he won’t stand for this.

Also and I’m totally just spit-balling here but what if, because the platybaby is kinda also being raised by the Doofenshmirtzes (and the Flynn-Fletchers but idk if that would make much of a difference here bc he has to pretend to be a mindless pet around them like his dad), he gets the best of the human and animal experience all in one, without all the shit Perry had to deal with from OWCA? And what if that somehow leads him to be able to speak? I don’t quite know how that would work, mostly because I don’t really know what prevents Perry from speaking, but we already went into that back in May so I’m not gonna go there again lol

okay I’m pretty sure it’s been over two hours since I started working on this ask but I can’t help it because this is literally such a cute idea fjdshflakfa I don’t even know if I’d be content reading this like I feel like this is just something I want to write. I kinda want to see how Phineas and Ferb would treat him, and if they’d treat Perry any differently now that a) he’s a dad and b) there’s a new platypus for them to love. I also want to see how Candace would handle probably falling in love with the platybaby but still getting annoyed by Perry. I really want to see what Vanessa and Norm’s relationship with the platybaby would turn into. Idk so much about the Doof/platybaby relationship though; I feel like I’d be more interested in how this affects the Doof/Perry dynamic instead. Something about Doof makes me think he wouldn’t be as easily swayed by the platybaby as everyone else, but the fact that Perry would now be a dad just like him would probably make him unreasonably happy. And that’s not even touching upon how different life would be for Perry now that he has a son, and he would obviously adore the little guy with his entire being, but, like, he has a son? How is he supposed to deal with that?

also I really should’ve given the platybaby a name to make this more readable and it’s a little too late for that but I hereby decree that his new temporary name until such time as this fic gets written is Horatio (unless y’all wanna hit me up with your platybaby name ideas because I would love to see them?) so welcome to the Dwampyverse, Horatio :,)

[adultswim2021]

Space Ghost Coast to Coast #87: “Dreams” | January 11, 2004 - 11:30 PM | S08E06

There is no doubt in my mind that Space Ghost is one of the most underappreciated comedy series of all time. For a show that is so screamingly hilarious, it sure is ignored. Hell, the creators of Space Ghost don’t even appreciate the goddamn thing. It makes it all the more special for those of us who love it. This episode of television, which I regard as a comedy masterpiece, sits on IMDB with 35 votes total. Not only is this an exceptional episode of Space Ghost, it also happens to *sorta* be the series finale, and it’s also the single-most profane episode of Space Ghost in existence. It deserves your respect, goddamn it.

In this one, Space Ghost cobbles together a charity organization for the sole purpose of one-upping Zorak and Moltar. He demands an animal be booked as his guest in order to elect it as the org’s cute mascot. Space Ghost winds up with Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog.

For those of you who require context: Triumph is an intentionally cheesy dog puppet with a vaguely ethnic accent who makes old-school but also very profane roast-style jokes at his various targets. He was an intentionally one-note character featured on Late Night with Conan O’Brien. Triumph developed enough of a cult following that he wound up recurring pretty regularly. Most notably on Conan he got kicked out of the Westminster Dog Show for humping some of the dogs and generally being a nuisance. My favorite remote he did was where he made fun of nerds waiting in line to see Star Wars Episode II.

In 2003 Triumph released an album which came with a DVD which featured a cameo from Conan O’Brien saying the c-word (cunt) and the recently disgraced Horatio Sanz deep-throating a dildo. That, presumably, is why Triumph is on this show: to promote this album. He keeps trying to steer the conversation to “get to the plug”, and referring to his “beautiful singing voice” There’s a small number of Space Ghost guests who show up genuinely believing that they’ll be allowed to plug their project and that the episode will air in a timely manner. Like Adam West or Fred Willard, this is in fact one of those.

What makes this episode so goddamn funny is that there’s an undercurrent of the Space Ghost staff aggressively trying to undercut Triumph’s shtick. Triumph is almost always the most outrageous character in any given room, and people almost always have a hard time contending with the barrage of fast-paced/profane insults that Triumph supplies. The editing may have had a hand in this, but here we see Triumph doing roughly what he does, but Space Ghost is too boneheaded to really let it effect him. Space Ghost, true to form, misunderstands almost everything Triumph says, taking it at face value. When it finally dawns on him that Triumph is breaking taboos he is briefly shocked. But when Zorak lies and tells him that “money came in” from Triumph’s transgressions he is suddenly motivated to childishly repeat Triumph’s vulgarity.

When Moltar tries to put his foot down he casually breaks an actual network taboo: he says “they will shut us down for that shit. I mean stuff.” completely unbleeped. Not sure what the status of “shit” is on adult swim these days, but in 2004 I don’t think Adult Swim was technically considered it’s own network yet (I’m hazy on the details here, but there was a turning point where Adult Swim ceased to be programming that simply aired on Cartoon Network and was actually registered legally as a network unto itself that shared space with Cartoon Network). So, allowing shit to play on what was still legally considered a children’s network was a pretty big deal. I don’t even think Turner allowed swears that harsh to appear on Adult Swim’s website.

The show escalates beautifully and ends with a song about “retardos”, while Space Ghost inexplicably holds up a Dexter’s Laboratory branded foam finger, a detail I’ve never noticed until this viewing. It is breathtakingly dumb. I love this episode so much.

There are a lot of great lines in this that I’m intentionally leaving out. The length of this write-up might lead you to believe I’ve revealed the entire episode. I haven’t! There’s so many great jokes in this. This begins what I like to think of as the finale trilogy. There are two more quasi-episodes of Space Ghost coming up (not counting the GameTap episodes because they suck or The Room interstitials because that’s so far out from the series true end that it’s practically a reunion special). One is an abandoned episode they aired in an unfinished state. Then comes the tenth anniversary bumpers the Sunday after Space Ghost’s big birthday. But I’ll talk more about that when the time comes. Okay? Alright? Damn!

I forgot to say this earlier so I’m just tacking it on here: my wife and I literally quoted this episode in our wedding vows. It was the “You will lick my shiny boots, for you are now my dog on a leash.” line. This isn’t a joke.

MAIL BAG

Here’s more FUCKING FUCKS writing me dumb shit and wasting my valuable time. Damn. Dang it!

I'm in a minority here but while I loved Home Movies I think it diminished by the time Season 4 rolled around that I think it's straight up overall bad. So much so that I feel you can tack on the camera drop ending to any of the other season finales and have a better show. I don't know why exactly. Is it because H. Jon Benjamin has a writing credit for this one and McGurk is wackier than ever? Did Brendon Small just run out of childhood experiences to mine from? I dislike it.

Huh I wouldn’t go that far OBVIOUSLY. So far I’ve liked a hundo percento of Season 4 even though it’s just two episodes. haha “Aw, who’m I tryinta fool? it’s just two episodes.”

I like the Sonic Guys. Their keen sense to pinpoint the exact craveability of every new Sonic item as well as their overall familiarity and comradery leave the viewer ready for fun and ready for fun: the Sonic way. And if you don't like that, buddy, then you are an Adbusters Stooge.

More like “ready for run” because I would use my feet to get away from their tires, because they’re tired!!!

Do you think the Sonic Guy ever dry over to Popeyes when the cameras aren't rolling. What do you think they would get. If I were them I would get the chicken: it's tender, it's juicy, it has cajun seasonings.

I think they would go there and say stupid cutesy shit like “extra chicken please :D :p” and a teenager would call them n*88*s and they’d commit suicide that night. But what a way to go

Don't give up on ephemera week!, The blog was super fun last week. And it's just a nice way to end the blog after a year of spankworthy stuff. It will be less special if you just pepper them in now and then. How many venmo bucks would I have to pay for you to keep it that way?

What a swanky message to get. I do think Ephemera week will be pretty hard from here on out because 2004 is about where I ended my initial research for this blog and the prospect of doing more of that to give a fairly complete overview of each year would just be too much. I’d much rather just slide it in. You’ll love seeing me slide.

What are your big wishes for 2004?

what the fuck am I supposed to do here? Wish for something to happen in a year that already happened? Do I get to transport myself back there and do this wish all the way back then? Or do I simply feel the butterfly effect of it having had happen in 2004. What the fuck kinda fucked up shit is this anyway.

[cutiepisenpai]

Gifted part 10

Spencer Reid X F!Reader

Warnings: Nightmares, sexually suggestive themes

Y/N and Spencer were in the elevator going to the parking garage leaving Quantico having just got back from a case. “I really think you should stay at my apartment tonight.” Spencer says as they make their way to the parking garage. “No way. It’s not like you have said that everyday since we came back to work.” Y/N says with a smirk. “It’s a safety precaution. You haven’t been sleeping.” “You aren’t the authority on sleep, your sleep schedule is all out of whack.” She says getting into the car. “I may not have the most consistent sleep schedule but if you don’t feel safe in your own apartment you’re not going to get any rest.” She hated that he was right, they both had the same issue with getting enough sleep. “Fine but I have some conditions. First, I need to go to my apartment to get some things. Second, we are going to get real food at a grocery store. I don’t know how you survive on take out. And lastly, we are having a movie night. How does that sound?” “As long as I know you are safe I’ll go along with your crazy demands.” He says. “Don’t call them crazy demands, I am not an unsub.” They stopped at Y/N’s apartment so that they could get the things she needed and went to the grocery store. “Alright grab a cart and let’s go.” She says to him. She walks him through the store picking out produce and adding it to the cart moving around to the meats. “Do you have soy sauce at your house?” “I have soy sauce packets.” He answers and her eyes narrow at him. “What it’s soy sauce just in packets.” “I’m just going to act like your answer was a simple no and go from there” “While walking the aisles Spencer grabs sugar filled snacks and places them in the cart which Y/N keeps putting back. When he gets Cap’n Crunch to place in the cart she stops, “Okay what’s with the sugar coma you are trying to achieve?” She asks. “What do you mean this is good?” “Cap’n Crunch rips your gums. Of all the sugary crap you have grabbed so far this is by far the worst.” “You act like you eat so healthy. How much salt do you consume from pickles, chips, and nuts.” He says smugly. He looks into the cart noticing the snacks he placed in were gone. “Hey you took my snacks out.” He says, his voice rising. “I said real food Spence not processed sugar coated crap.” He pouts at her comments. “Okay fine here is what we can do, we can get all the things and I will bake cookies. You can keep your gum ripping cereal that will be your personal problem. We can also buy popcorn and ice cream but that’s it.” Y/N says and he smiles. “By the way if we looked at our entire week day by day my salt consumption is not as great as your sugar consumption. What kind of cookies do you want?” “Chocolate chip and snickerdoodles.” He says. “Both huh. Okay but only because you’re cute.” She says. “Alright last thing we need is ice cream and we can leave.” When they get back to Spencer’s apartment they unload and put away all of the groceries. 

After showering and changing, Y/N is in Spencer’s kitchen making fried rice. He gets out of the shower using a towel to dry his hair when he turns the corner and sees her there cooking. “That smells good.” He says coming up behind her. “Of course it does. I’m sure you’re unfamiliar with the smell of home cooked food in this apartment.” She laughs out. “I might not be a good cook but you have cooked here enough that I am familiar with it. You have told me enough about eating real food.” He says mimicking hand gestures she has done before. She turns around facing him and wraps her arms around his shoulders and he places his hands on her waist. Y/N’s smile is beaming at Spencer. She is so happy with him even when he is being overprotective and a condescending know it all. “What’s that look?” He asks. “I just realized something.” “Are you going to tell me what or keep this new found knowledge to yourself?” He asks. “I think I’ll keep this to myself just for a little while. Okay?” She says, smile getting brighter than she thought possible. “Okay.” “Alright let’s eat.” After finishing their dinner they are discussing what they should watch. “One episode of Doctor Who, just one.” Spencer pleads. “Fine” She mumbled, flopping back on his bed. He jumps on the bed hovering over her with excitement. “Really?” He asks. “Yea. It’ll make you happy and you’re extremely persistent so…” He leans down placing kisses all over her face. She starts giggling, breaking into full laughter. “This is going to be so amazing. You’ll love it ok I’ll be right back.” He says before jumping out of the bed and running out of the room. He comes back with the first season box set of Doctor Who, “Ok this is the original Doctor Who that aired from 1963 until 1966, he explains.” “Oh this is going to be a journey.” Y/N responds. “There are only one hundred and fifty eight episodes in the original Doctor who. You have watched two hundred and fifty three episodes of the twilight zone multiple times.” “It’s the twilight zone, you can’t knock the twilight zone.” She argues. “Your arguments make no sense.” He says sitting down next to her waiting for the title screen to show up. “Are you ready?” He asks “As I will ever be.” and he starts the first episode. Two hours later Y/N is asleep with her head in Spencer’s lap as the credits for the fourth episode scroll across the screen. “You weren’t supposed to fall asleep.” he chuckles in a whisper moving the hair out of her face. He slides his legs out from under her, moving her to lay on the other side of the bed before going to the other side lying beside her. 

Y/N is standing in a ditch with Morgan. It's quiet, unsettling quiet considering they are outside and there is no buzzing of bugs. The air is still Morgan’s mouth is moving but no sound comes out. She sees him walking up the steep slope out of the ditch so she follows. When they reach the top she sees Morgan looking around. What is he looking for? And then she feels it no pain just the impact it was almost like she got punched but there is no one there. Then it happened again she couldn’t react. It was all happening too fast. She can feel something shaking her, a faint voice calling out to her, her surroundings shift around her fading into darkness. She opens her eyes, it's blurry and dark she can feel that her face is wet. She can hear someone talking to her faintly, it’s getting louder. “Y/N ssh, it was just a bad dream. It’s just a dream, it isn’t real.” Spencer is talking to her holding her face in his hands trying to wipe away the tears as they fall. She tries to talk but it comes out as a crying whimper she can feel the back of her throat closing as she begins to heave out shallow breaths. Spencer is trying to get her to sit up to take deeper breaths but she can’t get her body to move feeling paralyzed. Seeing no other option Spencer lifts her up setting her back against the headboard of the bed. “Lift your arms above your head. It will help with the breathing. Deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth as slowly as you can.” Spencer says helping her raise her arms and trying to keep her as calm as possible. A few minutes later her crying hadn’t completely ceased but she was breathing at a more regular pace and had regained more control over her body. “I’m going to go get you some water. I’ll be right back.” It was a statement but he still waits until she nods before hurrying out of the room not wanting to leave her alone for too long. When he gets back into the room she seems calmer wiping the tears from her eyes breathing evening out. He comes to sit down in front of her glass of water in hand. “I’m sorry.” She whispers, voice horse from the crying, it was the first clear thing she had said since waking up. “It’s okay you have nothing to be sorry about.” He says, he moves to set the water down on the nightstand. “I didn’t know your nightmares had gotten this bad.” His voice is low. She attempts to clear her throat but it is so dry from the crying she picks up the water to take a drink. “I don’t… I don’t think it was a nightmare. I think it was a memory.” She says hand going up to rub the scar, it was a bad habit she had developed but Spencer has seen her do it enough times that his hand immediately goes to grab hers pulling it away. “What is the memory of?” He asks. She can see it so vividly but all of the information isn’t there. “Um.. I was in a ditch with Morgan at a crime scene I think but there wasn’t any sound and when we left we got to the top..” She trails off not wanting to say what happened next. “You got shot?” He asks, he knows what happens next or rather what happened next that day he heard Morgan tell the other side of that story. She nods in response not sure if the words would even come out.  Spencer moves so that he is sitting by her side and wraps an arm around her ushering her body closer to his. “What can I do?” He asks. “Just talk please about anything.” He can do that, the team hates when Spencer rambles on about whatever random topic presents itself but even before Y/N would follow along listening intently usually adding in her own tidbits. “The “Windy City” name has nothing to do with Chicago weather. The term was actually coined by a nineteenth century journalist who referred to the fact that it’s residents were “full of hot air”... No number before one thousand contains the letter “A”... Cap’n Crunch’s full name is Horatio Magellan Crunch and it had been pointed out that he only has the bars of a Navy commander but the company held its ground stating that captaining the S.S. Guppy with his crew makes him an official Cap’n in any book...” “The fictional character of the worst cereal ever made is arguing the legitimacy of his rank?” She interrupts. “He is a Cap’n and his cereal is great. We can have a bowl now to prove it.” “Ripping my gums and the roof of my mouth to shreds eating cereal is going to be a hard pass for me.” She says she hasn’t moved but she is more relaxed than before. “Do you want to talk?” He asks “What about?” “The dream” “There wasn’t more to it than what I already told you.” She says. “How many times have you had that dream? Or memory? Is that why you haven’t been sleeping?” Y/N bites her lip avoiding his eyes and with a deep sigh, “None of the memories have been that clear before so I’m not sure but it might be the reason.” She says. “I’m sorry you remembered that.” He says, “It was traumatic which might be why it came through so clearly.” She turns burying her head in the crook of his neck, mumbling incoherently. Spencer pulls her in closer hugging her tighter. “How does ice cream sound?” He asks. “Sounds like a good idea” She continues mumbling into his neck making him laugh but neither makes a move to get out of the bed. “Should I go get the ice cream and come back to bed?” He asks, rubbing circles on her back. She lifts her head to look at him. “No, I know you hate it when I eat in bed lets go.” She says grabbing the throw blanket from the bottom on the bed wrapping it around herself. Spencer follows her to the kitchen. “Cone or bowl?” He asks. “We should have gotten waffle bowls, it's the best of both worlds.” She begins to pout, “Bowl, please” Spencer takes out two bowls placing them on the counter scooping a generous amount of ice cream into each bowl sitting one in front of her. She stares down at the bowl slowly spooning ice cream into her mouth. She looks up and furrows her eyebrows seeing Spencer staring at her. “What” She asks, licking ice cream from her lips. Spencer blushes a deep red having been caught staring lost in a fantasy. “Um… nothing sorry.” “Seriously, what’s up?” “Really it’s nothing, just a little distracted.” He explains. “By me eating ice cream. Why would that be distracting?” She asks, sticking another scoop into her mouth while humming.”   Spencer’s pupils dilate, his breathing becomes heavy and he licks his lips. “Oh” Y/N chuckles, breaking into full laughter, if her smile and laughter wasn’t so beautiful he might have been upset about it. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh, it was just unexpected.” She continues to giggle. “It’s ok I’m just glad you feel better.” She scoops another spoonful into her mouth keeping eye contact with Spencer while licking the ice cream off the spoon. “Oh come on.” Spencer groans at the sight and Y/N starts laughing loudly. “Is there something you would like to discuss?” She laughs with a wink, she gets up walking over to Spencer getting as close as possible without touching him looking up at him. “I can’t say I’ve ever seen anyone react to ice cream like that?” “Are you trying to kill me?” He asks. “We hunt killers if I want to kill you. I know how to do it.” She teases. “That was rhetorical” “I know” Spencer leans down to kiss her, it is a sweet kiss he places his hands on her waist pulling her closer to him. “ You taste sweet.” He says, pulling back from the kiss. “You do too.” “What do you say we go back to bed?” “What are you implying, Dr. Reid?” “Words from a wise woman I need to sleep more and I suggest that you get more sleep as well.” He says placing a kiss to the top of her head. “Look at you taking self care seriously. So back to bed?” “So long as you’re okay with it.” “And what about the nightmares?” “I’ll be there to keep you safe.” Spencer says.

Taglist:

@itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @groovygoob

[amalthea9]

Styles x Happy Second Meeting

Managed to write Styles and Happy’s second meeting! Thank you SO MUCH to anyone who takes a peak, especially anyone who reads it that I tagged! Love to all me lads! <3

@ariel-seagull-wings @dci-softy-edgelord @lieutenant-cinnamon-roll @captain-dad @fyeahmeninroyalnavy @horatios-harem @countessofedrington​

----------------------------------------------------------

The following afternoon, Styles tells Matthews he’s going back to Neptune's Daughter, as casually as he can.

But Matthews smirks and says he wouldn’t mind going back.

“That Miss Happy is a lovely woman!” Matthews remarks. “And I do believe she took a shine to you, Styles!”

Styles rolls his eyes and sighs.

“Yeah...sure,” Styles replies, clearly not believing Matthews.

They arrive at the tavern, and as the men approach the bar, Styles looks around for Happy. But he doesn’t see her serving the tables or at the bar. So he assumes she’s with a client, a sting of disappointment hits Styles that he has to wait to see her. When he gets the attention of Mrs. Miller, he sees her smirking as she approaches.

“Had fun with Happy, did ye?” she quips.

Styles doesn’t bother to respond to her remark and simply puts the money for two hours on the table.

“Would you please let Happy know I’m here?”

Mrs. Miller takes the money as she informs Styles that Happy is with another client but that his time is up in another five minutes. Styles nods and orders some ale, as does Matthews. They take seats at one of the tables and enjoy the music and company of the other sailors. But Styles’ is unusually quiet, and Matthews can tell that Styles does fancy Happy, though he won’t admit it to himself or others.

When Happy hears the knock at her door, Miller is not only telling the man his time is up, but that Happy has another client waiting. Happy’s heart skips, for the fourth time that day, hoping the next client is Styles. 

She’s polite as possible to the other man as she hurries him out. Opening her door to let the sailor out, Mrs. Miller stands to the side, smirking at Happy.

“Your ugly sailor's back,” Miller begins, and Happy doesn’t hide her excitement. “Paid for two hours. I’ll send him up in 10 minutes.”

“I’ll be ready in 5,” Happy replies, beaming. 

“Goodness!” Mrs. Miller scoffs. “Never seen you this excited to see a client before! Am I missing somethin' that makes him special?”

“Yes,” Happy replies, a touch of coldness in her voice. “You are. He’s not ugly for one thing...not to me.”

Happy closes the door without another word, and Mrs. Miller shakes her head as she goes down the stairs.

She makes her way back to Styles and tells him Happy will be ready in about five minutes and Styles nods. Within those five minutes, Styles' mind replays the events of yesterday and finds himself remembering Happy’s smile, laughter, bright olive green eyes...

"Styles?" 

Matthews' voice wakes Styles from his thoughts and he looks to his shipmate.

"Miller said miss Happy would see you, didn't ye hear?" Matthews asked. "Or does Miss Happy already got your head up in the clouds?" He mused with a smirk.

Styles mumbled something like a thank you to Matthews, then left the bar and headed up the stairs. Matthews smiled to himself as he watched Styles go up.

"Already taken with her, he is," he said to himself and chuckled.

Styles took a deep breath and exhaled as he knocked on Happy's door.

When it opened, Styles saw Happy's expression was one of annoyance and his heart sank.

"Where have ye been, Mr. Styles?"  Happy demanded sternly. "I've been waitin' all day for ye!"

Styles had frozen when he saw her annoyed expression, but upon hearing her demand, he sighed with relief and smiled.

And as soon as Happy saw that sweet smile, she couldn't keep up the act any longer.

She smirked and giggled as she grabbed his hand and pulled him gently into her room.

"Well, I suppose ye did keep yer promise, even though I had to wait longer for ye this time." Happy mused as she led Styles over to the bed to sit. 

"I know, Miss Happy," Styles began. "Sorry about that."

Happy slapped his knee as if to scold him.

"Just Happy, remember?" She reprimanded. "And it's alright, I'm just glad ye came back."

"Well I promised didn't I?" Styles smiled. "And a sailor keeps his promises!"

Happy smiled brightly and chuckled, and Styles' smile grew to see it. 

"Now then," Happy began, rising from the bed. "I'm gettin' an ale for meself, can I get ye anything'? On the house o' course."

"An ale for me too please, Happy," Styles replied with a nod.

Happy nodded and left to fetch the drinks. As Styles sat on the bed, staring at the door, he still wondered at how all of this was happening. Happy enjoyed his company. Yes he paid her, but she had paid for another hour with him yesterday. She seemed genuinely interested in becoming his friend, but that seemed far fetched for a man like Styles. He had never been good with women, and the idea of love returned by another was something he'd only known once. And that was a distant memory of a much younger man. Nowadays, he paid for a woman's time, and for a while he had paid for the sex too, but when he reached his 30s, paying for sex became tiring. So he didn'tdo it often. He had resigned to be alone and unloved. 

Maybe he was being taken for a fool by this woman…

But he'd rather not think about that right now. He would rather just be here with Happy and enjoy the company of a beautiful woman, with a smile and laughter that made his heart flutter. 

Happy returned with the drinks and handed Styles his ale as she sat herself down next to him on the bed.

“So then, Mr. Styles,” Happy began cheerfully.

“Sean,” Styles said, cutting her off. “I’m...me first name is Sean.”

Styles smiled shyly at her as he said this, then looked away and took a drink from his ale.

Happy beamed at him as he shyly sipped at his ale.

“Sean…” Happy repeated softly. 

To hear Happy say his name made Styles’ heart flutter worse than just seeing her smile. He didn’t really know why, perhaps because of how he could see her beaming face out of the corner of his eye as she repeated it.

“A pleasure to meet ye, Sean Styles,” Happy chuckled, putting forth a hand for Styles to shake.

Styles chuckled at this gesture and switched the hand that held the ale so he could shake her hand. He shook her hand once, but before letting it go, he decided to kiss the back of her hand.

Happy giggled softly, amused that he did better this time than he had yesterday. And seeing the genuine sweetness in his sea green eyes warmed her heart. 

What was it about this man that made Happy wish to be around him as much as she could? Did he know that she truly did enjoy his company? She would do her best to convey that in her actions.

Styles’ smiled as he released her hand and took another sip of ale. 

“I know that yesterday,” Styles began softly, looking to the floor as he spoke. “Ye didn’t want to talk about yourself...but...I would like to hear a bit about ye today.”

Happy smiled warmly at Styles as he spoke. It had been a long time since a client had asked to know more about her. 

"B-but if that's too much I.." Styles began nervously as he looked to Happy.

"No no, Mr. Styles," Happy smiled, shaking her head dismissively. "I mean...Sean,"

she said sweetly.

"I'll tell ye whatever ye like, because I'd say ye earned it."

Styles looked at Happy curiously.

"Because ye came back to see me," Happy elaborated. "Yes, ye be payin' for the time, but still. Ye came back to see me as I had asked of ye. And that's an act that earns a kind gesture from me. Which includes me talking more about myself."

Styles felt a pang of sadness in his heart just then. He was afraid that Happy thought that he only came back because he had the money to pay for her time. 

"I would've found a way to see ye..."

Styles' voice was low and soft as he said this, and his eyes looked to the ground, his thumbs rubbing the rim of his mug. 

Happy felt her heart skip a beat.

Sean was different. That kind of 'different' she hadn't experienced in so many years. The different kind of man that puts his heart into his words. 

She smiled softly and took a sip of her ale as she spoke.

"So, about me," Happy began softly.

"Me father was a merchant. I don't remember him much, I was very young when he was lost at sea. But mum always told me he was a good man."

Styles nodded thoughtfully. Glimpses of memories ran through his head just then. All the times his father beat him within an inch of his life, or worse, his mother. 

"I take it...yer father was not.." Happy said quietly, noticing the slight change in Styles' demeanor.

"No…" Styles replied quietly. 

"Then I hope he died alone," Happy said flatly, taking another sip.

Styles smiled at Happy’s bluntness of disdain, and he nodded.

"I hope he did too. But I had left home as soon as I could join the navy."

Happy nodded thoughtfully and wanted to ask about Styles' mother, but she also didn't want it to be a painful question.

"I do know that...my mother was proud of me for joining the navy." Styles commented softly, his gaze distant.

“I know she was, Sean,” Happy smiled softly. 

Styles nodded as he spoke again.

“I went back to say goodbye to her, and luckily, me father was at the tavern drinking. I remember her smile, despite her cut lip and...black eye. ‘I’m so proud of you, Sean.’ she said. ‘You’ll be a fine sailor, you will.’ We hugged and then, I was off.”

There was a sad silence for a moment, before Styles nearly whispered.

“I didn’t see her after that day…”

Happy said nothing, there was nothing to say. She set her ale on the bedside table, and gently rested her hand upon Styles’ nearest to her. She kept her eyes on his hands that held his mug. Styles felt warmth in his heart, letting himself believe that Happy’s act of comfort was genuine. He released his mug with one hand and took her hand into his, keeping his gaze on their hands.

“I lost my mother to plague…” Happy whispered. “I was fourteen…”

Styles squeezed her hand, remaining silent for a moment.

“But just like your mother,” Happy began again, a small smile on her lips. “She was a good mother, and she did her best by me.”

Styles smiled a sad smile as he nodded slightly.

“I’m sorry about yer mother though..” Styles said, his voice low and gentle.

He let his gaze come to Happy’s face, and he saw that she was smiling gently at him.

“Thank ye, Sean,” she said kindly. “But they’re both in a better place now, I believe. And that’s something to smile about.”

Styles nodded and his smile became more cheerful at Happy’s words, and Happy squeezed his hand before releasing it. Though if she had been honest, she enjoyed how large and warm his hand was compared to hers and didn’t want to let go. 

"Did ye come here after…?" Styles began, then felt he was being too intrusive. "Sorry, Happy…"

"No no, Sean!" Happy assured him with a shake of her head. "Nothin' wrong with asking that! I had to live on the streets after losing mum, but I managed it! Then at sixteen, I found this place. Mrs. Miller took me in as a server and I earned me keep that way for a time. The 'other' work came a bit later. Now I work off me debt to her for takin' me in."

Styles nodded as he finished his ale and set it aside. He looked back to Happy and saw that she had a thoughtful expression on her face as she gazed off into the nothingness.

"Happy?..." he asked softly.

"It's a funny thing…" Happy began quietly. "There's been nights that I have hated myself for...doin' this kind of work…" She smiled sadly as she said this, and Styles was about to say something.

"But then again," Happy began again, and her smile was warm. "I may not have met ye if I wasn't here."

Styles smiled warmly in reply. 

"And I'm thankin' my lucky stars that ye were here."

Happy chuckled softly and there was a contented silence between them for a moment. 

Downstairs, they could hear the band beginning a song, and Happy began to hum it absent-mindedly. 

"I don' think I've heard that song before, " Styles commented softly. 

"Ya don't?" Happy inquired. "It's one of me favorites to sing."

"Would you...sing it for me now?" Styles asked shyly.

"Wha?! Without accompaniment?" Happy chuckled.

Styles looked away, a sudden sheepishness coming over him.

"I mean...if you don' want to," he began quietly.

"I didn' say that, Sean," Happy chuckled. "I'll do me best without the music."

Styles smiled that ‘toothy’ grin that made Happy smile all the more. Happy rose from the bed to stand before Styles. She cleared her throat with exaggeration, making Styles chuckle, then began.

"I'll swim and sail on savage seas,

With never a fear of drowning.

And gladly ride the waves of life

If you would marry me.

No scorching sun nor freezing cold

Will stop me on my journey.

If you will promise me your heart 

And love me for eternity.

My dearest one, my darling dear

Your mighty words astound me!

But I've no need for mighty deeds

When I feel your arms around me.

But I would bring you rings of gold,

I'd even sing you poetry.

And I would keep you from all harm

If you would stay beside me.

I have no use for rings of gold

I care not for your poetry.

I only want your hand to hold,

I only want you near me.

To love and kiss to sweetly hold

For the dancing and the dreaming.

Through all life's sorrows

And delights,

I'll keep your laugh inside me.

I'll swim and sail a savage seas,

With never a fear of drowning.

I'd gladly ride the waves so white

And you will marry me!"

As Happy laughed and curtsied, Styles clapped and whistled.

"That was wonderful, Happy!" Styles exclaimed happily.

"Oh you're too kind, Sean Styles," Happy chuckled as she resumed her seat next to him on the bed. "It's much more fun with a partner to sing with, and with the flute. But I'm happy ye liked it nonetheless!"

"I loved it, Happy!" Styles replied enthusiastically. "I could hear ye sing all day!"

Realizing that might have been too forward, Styles turned his face away and cleared his throat nervously.

But he felt Happy’s hand gently on his knee, and he turned back to see her eyes shining and a soft smile was on her lips.

"I'll never refuse singing for ye, Sean Styles," Happy stated sweetly.

Styles couldn't stop the flip of his stomach at her sweet words, and he mustered a smile as best he could.

"An' now it's your turn!" Happy announced cheerfully. "I want to hear a sea shanty!"

Styles scoffed and shook his head. 

"You don't want to hear my singin', Happy," he began. "Ye would throw me out for sure."

Happy’s heart sank once again to hear Styles bringing himself down.

"I'll throw ye out if ye keep that nonsense up," Happy stated, with a sad tone to her voice.

Styles looked up to see the genuine sadness in Happy's eyes and it seemed to him that this wasn't an act from her. She genuinely wished for him not to put himself down in front of her.

Styles smiled a soft smile and nodded.

"Yes ma'am," he said. "No more of that nonsense. I'll sing for ye."

Happy beamed and clapped her hands in delight.

Styles chuckled, saying she's probably already heard all of the ones he knows. But Happy told him to just sing one he enjoys. Still seated and looking off into the distance, he began.

"Now we are ready to head for the Horn.

Way, hay, roll an' go!

Our boots an' our clothes boys are all in the pawn.

To be rollicking randy dandy-O!

Heave a pawl, o heave away!

Way, hay, roll an' go!

The anchor's on board an' the cable's all stored.

To be rollicking randy dandy-O!

Man the stout caps'n an' heave with a will.

Way, hay, roll an' go!

Soon we'll be drivin' her 'way down the hill

To be rollicking randy dandy-O!

Heave a pawl, o heave away,

Way, hay, roll an' go!

The anchor's on board an' the cable's all stored.

To be rollicking randy dandy-O.

Soon we'll be warping her out through the locks,

Way, hay, roll an' go!

Where the pretty young gals all come down in their flocks,

To be rollicking randy dandy-O!

Heave a pawl, o heave away

Way, hay, roll an' go

The anchor's on board an' the cable's all stored

To be rollicking randy dandy-O

We're outward bound for Vallipo Bay!

Way, hay, roll an' go

Get crackin', m' lads, 'tis a hell o' a way

To be rollicking randy dandy-O

Heave a pawl, o heave away

Way, hay, roll an' go!

The anchor's on board an' the cable's all stored.

To be rollicking randy dandy-O!

Heave a pawl, o heave away!

Way, hay, roll an' go!

The anchor's on board an' the cable's all stored

To be rollicking randy dandy-O!"

Finished with the song, Styles looked to Happy with a smile.

Happy applauded him with joyful enthusiasm.

"Oh that was wonderful, Sean!" Happy praised him, her smile bright. 

Styles nodded a 'thank you' as he chuckled softly.

"Can ye teach it to me?" Happy asked excitedly. "I picked up the chorus well enough, but can you sing it again so I can work on learnin' the rest?"

Styles smiled as he replied.

"Only if you help me learn the song you sang for me afterwards."

Happy pretended to spit in her hand and then offered it to Styles, grinning.

Styles chuckled as he mimicked her actions and shook her hand.

The rest of their time was spent teaching each other their songs. And as both sang and laughed with each other, Styles couldn't recall the last time he had been so genuinely happy.

Nor could Happy recall either. And she knew the time was coming to an end soon. 

How dearly she wanted Styles to stay…

And how dearly he wanted the same…

But the knock on the door came, and both their hearts sank.

Happy remembered then that tomorrow was Styles' last day on shore. Her heart raced as they both got up from the bed, but she kept her composure as best she could.

"I'm so happy to see you again, Sean," Happy said, smiling at him. 

But Styles could see the sadness behind the smile, because he felt it too.

"So am I to see you again, Happy," Styles replied with a nod. 

They stood facing each other now, and Styles wanted to say something more. He wanted to tell her how happy she made him feel. How he would stay and visit until she kicked him out.

But his tongue felt stuck in his mouth and no words came out. 

Besides, doubts still played in the back of his mind that Happy even wanted him to stay longer. Or see him for a third time even. Regardless, Styles was out of money he could spend, which made him even more miserable and unsure what to say. 

"Well, I...I should be…" Styles mumbled, his legs feeling heavier than ever before.

Happy watched as Styles turned and started towards the door. She didn't want to be forward, but she also didn't want this to be their last exchange before he left for sea.

"Oi now!" Happy called out, smiling. But there was a slight tremble in her voice even as she smiled.

Styles stopped, his heart quickening for a moment as he heard her call out to him. He slowly turned back around to face Happy, his expression anxious. 

"You can't be leavin' like this, Sean," Happy smiled. "When will I see you again?"

Styles knew that he shouldn't have tried to just leave, but now he would have to confess that he was out of expendable funds and couldn't see her tomorrow. Which made his stomach turn with anxiety. He didn't want to let Happy down...ever.

"I don't know, Happy…" Styles began in a low and sad tone. 

He couldn't even look at her right now, and Happy’s heart hurt to see this. 

"I don't have...any more"-"oh I'm not workin’ tomorrow!"

Styles looked up to see Happy’s soft smile as she cut him off. She had also stepped up to him as she had interrupted him.

Styles looked at Happy with confusion, and Happy quickly explained.

"We get a day to run errands if we have any," Happy began. "And I happen to need to visit the market tomorrow for some supplies for the kitchens. As well as the tailors for some supplies for dress repairin’."

Styles felt his anxiety melt away as Happy told him this, and he smiled and replied. 

"I'd be happy to accompany you on your errands, Happy," Styles replied.

Happy giggled at his choice of words, and nodded.

"Tomorrow at noon, meet me here," Happy instructed, smiling bright. 

“Tomorrow at noon,” Styles nodded, smiling brightly in return.

With that, Styles took Happy’s hand in his and kissed it sweetly, and then left the room. Happy felt her heart swell with excitement, so thankful that she got to see Styles one more time. 

Styles made his way back down the stairs, all smiles, and saw that Matthews and Oldroyd still remained at their table.

When Matthews saw Styles approaching, he greeted him with a cheeky grin.

“Ah! Our Romeo returns at last!” Matthews teased.

“Oh shut it, Matthews,” Styles retorted with annoyance as he took a seat. 

But Matthews could see a smile was still on Styles’ lips and the older sailor chuckled to himself.

But Matthews smirks and says he wouldn’t mind going back.

The following afternoon, Styles tells Matthews he’s going back to Neptune's Daughter, as casually as he can.

“That Miss Happy is a lovely woman!” Matthews remarks. “And I do believe she took a shine to you, Styles!”

Styles rolls his eyes and sighs.

“Yeah...sure,” Styles replies, clearly not believing Matthews.

They arrive at the tavern, and as the men approach the bar, Styles looks around for Happy. But he doesn’t see her serving the tables or at the bar. So he assumes she’s with a client, a sting of disappointment hits Styles that he has to wait to see her. When he gets the attention of Mrs. Miller, he sees her smirking as she approaches.

“Had fun with Happy, did ye?” she quips.

Styles doesn’t bother to respond to her remark and simply puts the money for two hours on the table.

“Would you please let Happy know I’m here?”

Mrs. Miller takes the money as she informs Styles that Happy is with another client but that his time is up in another five minutes. Styles nods and orders some ale, as does Matthews. They take seats at one of the tables and enjoy the music and company of the other sailors. But Styles’ is unusually quiet, and Matthews can tell that Styles does fancy Happy, though he won’t admit it to himself or others.

When Happy hears the knock at her door, Miller is not only telling the man his time is up, but that Happy has another client waiting. Happy’s heart skips, for the fourth time that day, hoping the next client is Styles. 

She’s polite as possible to the other man as she hurries him out. Opening her door to let the sailor out, Mrs. Miller stands to the side, smirking at Happy.

“Your ugly sailor's back,” Miller begins, and Happy doesn’t hide her excitement. “Paid for two hours. I’ll send him up in 10 minutes.”

“I’ll be ready in 5,” Happy replies, beaming. 

“Goodness!” Mrs. Miller scoffs. “Never seen you this excited to see a client before! Am I missing somethin' that makes him special?”

“Yes,” Happy replies, a touch of coldness in her voice. “You are. He’s not ugly for one thing...not to me.”

Happy closes the door without another word, and Mrs. Miller shakes her head as she goes down the stairs.

She makes her way back to Styles and tells him Happy will be ready in about five minutes and Styles nods. Within those five minutes, Styles' mind replays the events of yesterday and finds himself remembering Happy’s smile, laughter, bright olive green eyes...

"Styles?" 

Matthews' voice wakes Styles from his thoughts and he looks to his shipmate.

"Miller said miss Happy would see you, didn't ye hear?" Matthews asked. "Or does Miss Happy already got your head up in the clouds?" He mused with a smirk.

Styles mumbled something like a thank you to Matthews, then left the bar and headed up the stairs. Matthews smiled to himself as he watched Styles go up.

"Already taken with her, he is," he said to himself and chuckled.

Styles took a deep breath and exhaled as he knocked on Happy's door.

When it opened, Styles saw Happy's expression was one of annoyance and his heart sank.

"Where have ye been, Mr. Styles?"  Happy demanded sternly. "I've been waitin' all day for ye!"

Styles had frozen when he saw her annoyed expression, but upon hearing her demand, he sighed with relief and smiled.

And as soon as Happy saw that sweet smile, she couldn't keep up the act any longer.

She smirked and giggled as she grabbed his hand and pulled him gently into her room.

"Well, I suppose ye did keep yer promise, even though I had to wait longer for ye this time." Happy mused as she led Styles over to the bed to sit. 

"I know, Miss Happy," Styles began. "Sorry about that."

Happy slapped his knee as if to scold him.

"Just Happy, remember?" She reprimanded. "And it's alright, I'm just glad ye came back."

"Well I promised didn't I?" Styles smiled. "And a sailor keeps his promises!"

Happy smiled brightly and chuckled, and Styles' smile grew to see it. 

"Now then," Happy began, rising from the bed. "I'm gettin' an ale for meself, can I get ye anything'? On the house o' course."

"An ale for me too please, Happy," Styles replied with a nod.

Happy nodded and left to fetch the drinks. As Styles sat on the bed, staring at the door, he still wondered at how all of this was happening. Happy enjoyed his company. Yes he paid her, but she had paid for another hour with him yesterday. She seemed genuinely interested in becoming his friend, but that seemed far fetched for a man like Styles. He had never been good with women, and the idea of love returned by another was something he'd only known once. And that was a distant memory of a much younger man. Nowadays, he paid for a woman's time, and for a while he had paid for the sex too, but when he reached his 30s, paying for sex became tiring. So he didn'tdo it often. He had resigned to be alone and unloved. 

Maybe he was being taken for a fool by this woman…

But he'd rather not think about that right now. He would rather just be here with Happy and enjoy the company of a beautiful woman, with a smile and laughter that made his heart flutter. 

Happy returned with the drinks and handed Styles his ale as she sat herself down next to him on the bed.

“So then, Mr. Styles,” Happy began cheerfully.

“Sean,” Styles said, cutting her off. “I’m...me first name is Sean.”

Styles smiled shyly at her as he said this, then looked away and took a drink from his ale.

Happy beamed at him as he shyly sipped at his ale.

“Sean…” Happy repeated softly. 

To hear Happy say his name made Styles’ heart flutter worse than just seeing her smile. He didn’t really know why, perhaps because of how he could see her beaming face out of the corner of his eye as she repeated it.

“A pleasure to meet ye, Sean Styles,” Happy chuckled, putting forth a hand for Styles to shake.

Styles chuckled at this gesture and switched the hand that held the ale so he could shake her hand. He shook her hand once, but before letting it go, he decided to kiss the back of her hand.

Happy giggled softly, amused that he did better this time than he had yesterday. And seeing the genuine sweetness in his sea green eyes warmed her heart. 

What was it about this man that made Happy wish to be around him as much as she could? Did he know that she truly did enjoy his company? She would do her best to convey that in her actions.

Styles’ smiled as he released her hand and took another sip of ale. 

“I know that yesterday,” Styles began softly, looking to the floor as he spoke. “Ye didn’t want to talk about yourself...but...I would like to hear a bit about ye today.”

Happy smiled warmly at Styles as he spoke. It had been a long time since a client had asked to know more about her. 

"B-but if that's too much I.." Styles began nervously as he looked to Happy.

"No no, Mr. Styles," Happy smiled, shaking her head dismissively. "I mean...Sean,"

she said sweetly.

"I'll tell ye whatever ye like, because I'd say ye earned it."

Styles looked at Happy curiously.

"Because ye came back to see me," Happy elaborated. "Yes, ye be payin' for the time, but still. Ye came back to see me as I had asked of ye. And that's an act that earns a kind gesture from me. Which includes me talking more about myself."

Styles felt a pang of sadness in his heart just then. He was afraid that Happy thought that he only came back because he had the money to pay for her time. 

"I would've found a way to see ye..."

Styles' voice was low and soft as he said this, and his eyes looked to the ground, his thumbs rubbing the rim of his mug. 

Happy felt her heart skip a beat.

Sean was different. That kind of 'different' she hadn't experienced in so many years. The different kind of man that puts his heart into his words. 

She smiled softly and took a sip of her ale as she spoke.

"So, about me," Happy began softly.

"Me father was a merchant. I don't remember him much, I was very young when he was lost at sea. But mum always told me he was a good man."

Styles nodded thoughtfully. Glimpses of memories ran through his head just then. All the times his father beat him within an inch of his life, or worse, his mother. 

"I take it...yer father was not.." Happy said quietly, noticing the slight change in Styles' demeanor.

"No…" Styles replied quietly. 

"Then I hope he died alone," Happy said flatly, taking another sip.

Styles smiled at Happy’s bluntness of disdain, and he nodded.

"I hope he did too. But I had left home as soon as I could join the navy."

Happy nodded thoughtfully and wanted to ask about Styles' mother, but she also didn't want it to be a painful question.

"I do know that...my mother was proud of me for joining the navy." Styles commented softly, his gaze distant.

“I know she was, Sean,” Happy smiled softly. 

Styles nodded as he spoke again.

“I went back to say goodbye to her, and luckily, me father was at the tavern drinking. I remember her smile, despite her cut lip and...black eye. ‘I’m so proud of you, Sean.’ she said. ‘You’ll be a fine sailor, you will.’ We hugged and then, I was off.”

There was a sad silence for a moment, before Styles nearly whispered.

“I didn’t see her after that day…”

Happy said nothing, there was nothing to say. She set her ale on the bedside table, and gently rested her hand upon Styles’ nearest to her. She kept her eyes on his hands that held his mug. Styles felt warmth in his heart, letting himself believe that Happy’s act of comfort was genuine. He released his mug with one hand and took her hand into his, keeping his gaze on their hands.

“I lost my mother to plague…” Happy whispered. “I was fourteen…”

Styles squeezed her hand, remaining silent for a moment.

“But just like your mother,” Happy began again, a small smile on her lips. “She was a good mother, and she did her best by me.”

Styles smiled a sad smile as he nodded slightly.

“I’m sorry about yer mother though..” Styles said, his voice low and gentle.

He let his gaze come to Happy’s face, and he saw that she was smiling gently at him.

“Thank ye, Sean,” she said kindly. “But they’re both in a better place now, I believe. And that’s something to smile about.”

Styles nodded and his smile became more cheerful at Happy’s words, and Happy squeezed his hand before releasing it. Though if she had been honest, she enjoyed how large and warm his hand was compared to hers and didn’t want to let go. 

"Did ye come here after…?" Styles began, then felt he was being too intrusive. "Sorry, Happy…"

"No no, Sean!" Happy assured him with a shake of her head. "Nothin' wrong with asking that! I had to live on the streets after losing mum, but I managed it! Then at sixteen, I found this place. Mrs. Miller took me in as a server and I earned me keep that way for a time. The 'other' work came a bit later. Now I work off me debt to her for takin' me in."

Styles nodded as he finished his ale and set it aside. He looked back to Happy and saw that she had a thoughtful expression on her face as she gazed off into the nothingness.

"Happy?..." he asked softly.

"It's a funny thing…" Happy began quietly. "There's been nights that I have hated myself for...doin' this kind of work…" She smiled sadly as she said this, and Styles was about to say something.

"But then again," Happy began again, and her smile was warm. "I may not have met ye if I wasn't here."

Styles smiled warmly in reply. 

"And I'm thankin' my lucky stars that ye were here."

Happy chuckled softly and there was a contented silence between them for a moment. 

Downstairs, they could hear the band beginning a song, and Happy began to hum it absent-mindedly. 

"I don' think I've heard that song before, " Styles commented softly. 

"Ya don't?" Happy inquired. "It's one of me favorites to sing."

"Would you...sing it for me now?" Styles asked shyly.

"Wha?! Without accompaniment?" Happy chuckled.

Styles looked away, a sudden sheepishness coming over him.

"I mean...if you don' want to," he began quietly.

"I didn' say that, Sean," Happy chuckled. "I'll do me best without the music."

Styles smiled that ‘toothy’ grin that made Happy smile all the more. Happy rose from the bed to stand before Styles. She cleared her throat with exaggeration, making Styles chuckle, then began.

"I'll swim and sail on savage seas,

With never a fear of drowning.

And gladly ride the waves of life

If you would marry me.

No scorching sun nor freezing cold

Will stop me on my journey.

If you will promise me your heart 

And love me for eternity.

My dearest one, my darling dear

Your mighty words astound me!

But I've no need for mighty deeds

When I feel your arms around me.

But I would bring you rings of gold,

I'd even sing you poetry.

And I would keep you from all harm

If you would stay beside me.

I have no use for rings of gold

I care not for your poetry.

I only want your hand to hold,

I only want you near me.

To love and kiss to sweetly hold

For the dancing and the dreaming.

Through all life's sorrows

And delights,

I'll keep your laugh inside me.

I'll swim and sail a savage seas,

With never a fear of drowning.

I'd gladly ride the waves so white

And you will marry me!"

As Happy laughed and curtsied, Styles clapped and whistled.

"That was wonderful, Happy!" Styles exclaimed happily.

"Oh you're too kind, Sean Styles," Happy chuckled as she resumed her seat next to him on the bed. "It's much more fun with a partner to sing with, and with the flute. But I'm happy ye liked it nonetheless!"

"I loved it, Happy!" Styles replied enthusiastically. "I could hear ye sing all day!"

Realizing that might have been too forward, Styles turned his face away and cleared his throat nervously.

But he felt Happy’s hand gently on his knee, and he turned back to see her eyes shining and a soft smile was on her lips.

"I'll never refuse singing for ye, Sean Styles," Happy stated sweetly.

Styles couldn't stop the flip of his stomach at her sweet words, and he mustered a smile as best he could.

"An' now it's your turn!" Happy announced cheerfully. "I want to hear a sea shanty!"

Styles scoffed and shook his head. 

"You don't want to hear my singin', Happy," he began. "Ye would throw me out for sure."

Happy’s heart sank once again to hear Styles bringing himself down.

"I'll throw ye out if ye keep that nonsense up," Happy stated, with a sad tone to her voice.

Styles looked up to see the genuine sadness in Happy's eyes and it seemed to him that this wasn't an act from her. She genuinely wished for him not to put himself down in front of her.

Styles smiled a soft smile and nodded.

"Yes ma'am," he said. "No more of that nonsense. I'll sing for ye."

Happy beamed and clapped her hands in delight.

Styles chuckled, saying she's probably already heard all of the ones he knows. But Happy told him to just sing one he enjoys. Still seated and looking off into the distance, he began.

"Now we are ready to head for the Horn.

Way, hay, roll an' go!

Our boots an' our clothes boys are all in the pawn.

To be rollicking randy dandy-O!

Heave a pawl, o heave away!

Way, hay, roll an' go!

The anchor's on board an' the cable's all stored.

To be rollicking randy dandy-O!

Man the stout caps'n an' heave with a will.

Way, hay, roll an' go!

Soon we'll be drivin' her 'way down the hill

To be rollicking randy dandy-O!

Heave a pawl, o heave away,

Way, hay, roll an' go!

The anchor's on board an' the cable's all stored.

To be rollicking randy dandy-O.

Soon we'll be warping her out through the locks,

Way, hay, roll an' go!

Where the pretty young gals all come down in their flocks,

To be rollicking randy dandy-O!

Heave a pawl, o heave away

Way, hay, roll an' go

The anchor's on board an' the cable's all stored

To be rollicking randy dandy-O

We're outward bound for Vallipo Bay!

Way, hay, roll an' go

Get crackin', m' lads, 'tis a hell o' a way

To be rollicking randy dandy-O

Heave a pawl, o heave away

Way, hay, roll an' go!

The anchor's on board an' the cable's all stored.

To be rollicking randy dandy-O!

Heave a pawl, o heave away!

Way, hay, roll an' go!

The anchor's on board an' the cable's all stored

To be rollicking randy dandy-O!"

Finished with the song, Styles looked to Happy with a smile.

Happy applauded him with joyful enthusiasm.

"Oh that was wonderful, Sean!" Happy praised him, her smile bright. 

Styles nodded a 'thank you' as he chuckled softly.

"Can ye teach it to me?" Happy asked excitedly. "I picked up the chorus well enough, but can you sing it again so I can work on learnin' the rest?"

Styles smiled as he replied.

"Only if you help me learn the song you sang for me afterwards."

Happy pretended to spit in her hand and then offered it to Styles, grinning.

Styles chuckled as he mimicked her actions and shook her hand.

The rest of their time was spent teaching each other their songs. And as both sang and laughed with each other, Styles couldn't recall the last time he had been so genuinely happy.

Nor could Happy recall either. And she knew the time was coming to an end soon. 

How dearly she wanted Styles to stay…

And how dearly he wanted the same…

But the knock on the door came, and both their hearts sank.

Happy remembered then that tomorrow was Styles' last day on shore. Her heart raced as they both got up from the bed, but she kept her composure as best she could.

"I'm so happy to see you again, Sean," Happy said, smiling at him. 

But Styles could see the sadness behind the smile, because he felt it too.

"So am I to see you again, Happy," Styles replied with a nod. 

They stood facing each other now, and Styles wanted to say something more. He wanted to tell her how happy she made him feel. How he would stay and visit until she kicked him out.

But his tongue felt stuck in his mouth and no words came out. 

Besides, doubts still played in the back of his mind that Happy even wanted him to stay longer. Or see him for a third time even. Regardless, Styles was out of money he could spend, which made him even more miserable and unsure what to say. 

"Well, I...I should be…" Styles mumbled, his legs feeling heavier than ever before.

Happy watched as Styles turned and started towards the door. She didn't want to be forward, but she also didn't want this to be their last exchange before he left for sea.

"Oi now!" Happy called out, smiling. But there was a slight tremble in her voice even as she smiled.

Styles stopped, his heart quickening for a moment as he heard her call out to him. He slowly turned back around to face Happy, his expression anxious. 

"You can't be leavin' like this, Sean," Happy smiled. "When will I see you again?"

Styles knew that he shouldn't have tried to just leave, but now he would have to confess that he was out of expendable funds and couldn't see her tomorrow. Which made his stomach turn with anxiety. He didn't want to let Happy down...ever.

"I don't know, Happy…" Styles began in a low and sad tone. 

He couldn't even look at her right now, and Happy’s heart hurt to see this. 

"I don't have...any more"-"oh I'm not workin’ tomorrow!"

Styles looked up to see Happy’s soft smile as she cut him off. She had also stepped up to him as she had interrupted him.

Styles looked at Happy with confusion, and Happy quickly explained.

"We get a day to run errands if we have any," Happy began. "And I happen to need to visit the market tomorrow for some supplies for the kitchens. As well as the tailors for some supplies for dress repairin’."

Styles felt his anxiety melt away as Happy told him this, and he smiled and replied. 

"I'd be happy to accompany you on your errands, Happy," Styles replied.

Happy giggled at his choice of words, and nodded.

"Tomorrow at noon, meet me here," Happy instructed, smiling bright. 

“Tomorrow at noon,” Styles nodded, smiling brightly in return.

With that, Styles took Happy’s hand in his and kissed it sweetly, and then left the room. Happy felt her heart swell with excitement, so thankful that she got to see Styles one more time. 

Styles made his way back down the stairs, all smiles, and saw that Matthews and Oldroyd still remained at their table.

When Matthews saw Styles approaching, he greeted him with a cheeky grin.

“Ah! Our Romeo returns at last!” Matthews teased.

“Oh shut it, Matthews,” Styles retorted with annoyance as he took a seat. 

But Matthews could see a smile was still on Styles’ lips and the older sailor chuckled to himself.

[snarkwrites]

03 pt 1 | m i n e | tim speedle, csi miami

Notes:

Okay, so I was stuck and struggling with what I wanted to do with this chapter for a while now, but today I sat down to try making it work again and... Well, this happened. Originally, chapter three was supposed to be one part, over and done.. But given everything at play here, I’ve decided to make it two parts instead.. So you guys don’t have a million different things coming at you all at once. I promise plenty of hot fluff in the next chapter. So.. do what you will with that information.

For now? Suspense. Crime show drama. 

Summary:

They’re thrown together again when Sylvie comes to Miami to escape everything going on in her life. Tim never got over her. She never got over Tim. Will they reconnect? And what’ll happen when Sylvie finds herself in a bit of a situation?

Again.. why do my summaries suck?

Pairing:

Tim Speedle x OFC, Sylvie.

Warnings:

Stalker warning. Huuuge stalker warning. Crime show plot elements not limited to attempted kidnappings, stalking, creepy phone calls and notes, etc. I warn you all here that I am not affiliated with law enforcement, nor have I ever lived through any of this. So.. do with that what you will.

Eventual smut, lots of angst, slow burn sexual tension and fluff.

Other Parts:

[ one - two pt 1 - two pt 2 - soundtrack ] 

Other Stuff:

[ faq - tag list doc ] 

Tagging:

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                                     THREE.

I was nervous.

Probably three times as nervous as I’d been back in high school when Tim picked me up for our first date. I took a few deep breaths and stepped back, giving myself a critical once over in the bathroom mirror before finally shrugging.

True, we were meeting to spend the evening at the beach. Hanging out on some boat his co-worker Eric had recently gotten with Eric and his wife as the sun set. But it wasn’t a date and it didn’t mean that Tim and I were magically going to find our way back together, either.

I had absolutely zero reason to be nervous and yet, here I was.

My cell phone rang.

My hands shook slightly upon seeing UNKNOWN CALLER on the call ID. I almost didn’t answer, but before I could stop myself, the annoyance of a ringing phone took over and I answered.

“Hello?”

Nothing but static. Some unintelligible background noises but nothing to really pinpoint who the caller might be. I honestly assumed that it was a wrong number and I was fully prepared to hang up the call, but just as I was about to, the odd voice broke through the static and quiet background noises.

“I’m watching you, sweetheart. I’m closer now than I was in Paris… That red bikini you’re wearing looks really tempting.”

My blood ran cold as I glanced down at the red bikini I’d chosen to wear with my favorite cut offs and a cropped white Levis shirt with bold red lettering. Almost instantly, I was looking everywhere in a panicked frenzy. How had the caller seen me? Was there a hidden camera in my hotel room?

Was he in the room in the building across from mine?

I found myself walking out onto the balcony that overlooked the pool cabanas and poolside below. Scanning the midday crowd. Nobody stood out to me. The room across from mine was either not in use or the person occupying it was out of the room because when I gazed across, I saw no sign of movement inside.

That left the hidden camera theory. I rushed back inside, locking the door to my balcony behind me as I went. I searched every single inch of that hotel room until I was absolutely sure that there were no hidden cameras or mics and that my mirror was a normal one and not a two way mirror.

My search turned up empty and I kicked at the bedframe, hopping around and swearing when it hurt my foot to do so. I flopped across my bed and took a few deep breaths, trying to pull myself together.

Trying to keep a calm and clear head so that I didn’t leave anything out when I made my call to the front desk and then Miami Dade PD.

As soon as I’d spoken to front desk and arranged to check out of my room, I gathered my things. After calling my realtor, I arranged to rush the final paperwork on the furnished beach house and she told me to come by and pick up my keys this afternoon around 5. I told her I’d be there and then I paced my hotel room.

I needed to let Rex know what was going on, if for nothing more than to remind him that he’d yet to actually handle anything as far as my stalker was concerned. But something told me to cut Rex out of the whole process and just place my call to Miami Dade PD instead. Like I’d taken to doing more recently. Because this time around, I seemed to be getting somewhere. Taking a deep breath, I dialed the number to the station and settled in, waiting on the call to be answered.

“Yes, I’d like to speak to Lieutenant Caine, please? Sure, I’ll wait.” as I waited on the call to be transferred, I took a few deep breaths and went back over every single detail of the call I’d just gotten from the unknown number.

No matter how small or insignificant it seemed. If anything could help law enforcement finally catch this creep so I could put this all behind me and prepare to start moving onward with a normal life out of the spotlight, I made note of it.

My call was finally transferred and as soon as I finished detailing everything for Lieutenant Caine, he told me that he’d send someone from Forensics over to sweep the room and make sure I hadn’t missed any hidden recording devices.

I agreed to it and given that I still had an entire five hours until Tim was off work and we were meeting up, I turned on the television in my hotel room, settling in with some mindless soap operas until there was a knock at the hotel room door.

I threw it open, blinking in surprise to find not only Tim on the other side, but Natalia Boa Vista and Lieutenant Caine himself.

I took a deep breath and Tim eyed me in concern. The tension between Tim and Lieutenant Caine was definitely palpable, enough so that I could almost reach out and touch it. I got the distinct feeling that he’d pretty much demanded Tim stay at the lab, but Tim being Tim, read stubborn as all hell, he’d come along.

“What’d this guy say?” Tim asked quietly. Calmly. Almost too calm. I could tell that the whole thing had him angry and just like back when we were dating, going into overprotective mode.

“Tim, you need to set up your camera. I think over by the balcony door.” Lieutenant Caine spoke in a calm and crisp tone. Tim  eyed me, waiting on an answer. I muttered softly, “I’ll explain it all tonight, okay?”

“I’m holdin you to that, blondie.” Tim mumbled back, his voice firm and commanding. His eyes full of concern as they locked on mine. After Tim set up his camera, they began doing a full sweep of my hotel room.

I interrupted at one point, asking if they’d like to search my luggage too, because I’d been so upset it honestly never occurred to me to search there in my own earlier search immediately after getting the call I’d gotten.

When Natalia suggested that it wouldn’t be a bad idea, I dragged out my two overstuffed suitcases and sat down on the floor, unzipping them. Dumping the contents of my rolling makeup case on the floor neatly. I even dragged out my toiletry bag and the garment bags with my two favorite designer dresses stored neatly inside.

I think my alternate reasoning behind this was because I realized I was in Miami and essentially, Miami was right up there with California. I had no doubt in my mind that the cops probably had their fill of egotistical celebrity types who were basically pulling the strings behind their own misfortunes just to garner publicity and any personal gain they could from the whole thing and I wanted them to know that Rex was full of shit. I wasn’t one of those types.

Because I had my suspicions that the reason I hadn’t been taken seriously in my previous attempts to report all of this as it was happening when I became aware of it was Rex going over my head and telling them that I was blowing things out of proportion or worse, making it all up for attention and fame.

“Have you spoken to hotel management about changing suites?”

“I told them I wanted to end my stay, yes. I’ve been in the process of buying a beach house here, sir.. I got hold of my realtor and asked if there was any way I could speed the purchase. I’m getting my key this afternoon, actually.” I assured Horatio. He nodded.

“Does your stepfather know about recent developments?” was his next question. Again, I assured him that my stepfather had been the first call. And that my stepfather mentioned calling him later in the afternoon to touch base.

The search of my hotel room turned up nothing, but I could feel my entire body heat up when Natalia pulled out the framed photos of Tim and I but said nothing. I knew Tim had seen it. I tensed a little, letting out a quiet and ragged breath when the rest of the search went by without Tim saying anything about the pictures. I think I was grateful for that. I know I was praying to hell he’d been busy and hadn’t seen them. Because if he had… That opened an entirely new can of worms.

And possibly, it added a layer of awkwardness to our plans for later that evening. And the absolute last thing I wanted was to make anything awkward.

XXX

It stuck with him for the rest of his shift… The fact that she still had photos of them together and carried them with her had to mean something, right? Currently, Tim Speedle found himself pacing his lab back at the station, waiting on the last of the photos he’d taken of her hotel room to finish developing in the next room as he tried to puzzle it out.

Natalia stepped into the lab.

“So you weren’t going to mention at any point you dated one of my favorite minor characters in a soap opera?” she teased him gently.

From across the room, Alexx’s mouth turned upward in a smile as she sat nearby, eating a late lunch. Listening as Tim vented about the whole thing and blew off steam from an earlier head butting session with Lieutenant Caine over him going or not going with Natalia and the others to search Sylvie’s hotel room.

Of everyone he worked with, Alexx probably knew the most about the situation. And through the years, she’d tried more than a few times to get Tim to reach out and reconnect, pointing out that they never got closure. And that the feelings he had weren’t going away. That living life with a what if hanging over him wasn’t really living life at all.

Tim chuckled, shrugging. “ It’s just weird. To me she’s just Sylvie.”

“Or Blondie. That’s what you called her earlier.” Natalia was teasing again, flashing him a smile.

Alexx spoke up as she rose from her chair to go and throw away the remnants of her lunch in the waste bin. “I’m still saying that if she’s here… Now is the time, Tim. Don’t let it pass by, honey.”

“He’d better say something. Or I’m shoving them into a room together. She still had pictures of them together, Alexx. We both know what that means.” Natalia remarked as the two women shared a knowing look.

The revelation had Alexx turning slowly, gazing up at Tim. Placing a hand gently on his upper arm. “ It needs to happen. From everything you’ve just spent the past twenty five minutes venting about… To the way you’re getting so worked up about everything that’s happening to that poor girl right now… If there was ever a sign from the universe, Speed, this is it, sweetie. Wake up.”

Tim nodded. “Noted. Trust me, it’s not something I haven’t been thinking of myself lately.” he reassured Alexx, thanking her for listening as she made her way out of the lab. As soon as she was out of the room, Natalia spoke up.

“I can’t believe we didn’t find anything.”

“I can. I have the feeling that her manager’s in on this. Somewhere. Something about the guy just doesn’t feel right, ya know?” Tim mused as he paced in front of the photos he’d already developed, studying them all critically.

“ Yeah, I kind of think so myself, because her manager just came down here because apparently, he found out via paparazzi camped out at the hotel lobby that we were there and on her floor earlier. He was in full damage control mode.”

“That fuckin sleaze.” Tim muttered as he shook his head.

XXX

“What the fuck is your problem, huh? I tell you to keep a low profile that means you keep a low profile until I specifically tell you otherwise. Are we clear?” Rex fumed in anger, glaring at the phone in his hand.

Silence on the other end of the line. Rex swore and repeated in an angrier tone, “I asked you a question..Do you know how much damage control I’m having to do now?”

He slammed his phone down on his desktop when he heard the dial tone on the other end of the line. He stood and began to pace, taking a swing at one of the walls in his office.

The fact that she’d gone over his head and called in local law enforcement. Involved her stepfather after he’d specifically told her not to. He was losing control of the entire situation and losing control of a situation was not something Rex enjoyed or took kindly too.

Sitting down in his desk chair, he grabbed for his cell phone, calling Sylvie.

The call went to voicemail for a third time that day. Blue eyes settled on the notice some lawyer she’d hired sent over earlier in the morning and he chuckled bitterly, shaking his head.

“Ungrateful little bitch. Really wants to leave all this behind and live a normal life. We’ll just see about that...”

[jennycalendar]

my ridiculous writer brain has COMPLETELY latched onto a very convoluted dw/btvs crossover involving liberal amounts of doctor/river and giles/jenny, centered largely around a friendship between river and jenny, and it has been FOREVER since i posted any writing at all (which i badly miss) so have this taster of what might someday be a very long fic! i’m dangerously close to accidentally making this my nanowrimo project, rip.

(is there a market for this fic? no idea. is it what i wanna WRITE? apparently so.)

Though she wouldn’t make the connection for a very long time, River actually met Giles years before she ever met Jenny. It was a night when she’d stayed over, and when she came down to see where her husband had swanned off to, she found the Doctor waltzing round the TARDIS console, as he was oft to do in the mornings. Over his shoulder, he said very cheerfully, “Ah, Giles – have you met my wife?”

Drawing the Doctor’s bathrobe closer around her, River looked towards the direction the Doctor had tossed his query. A bespectacled, professorial young man (mid-forties, really, but still much younger than River) inclined his head a little shyly to her. “I don’t believe so,” he said with a small smile. “Though he does bring you up quite a lot.”

“Oh, what a lovely thing to hear,” said River happily, draping her arms round the Doctor’s shoulders to rest her cheek against his. He laughed softly, turning his head to give her a hello kiss. “Well, then I don’t suppose I need to introduce myself – though I’m rather curious as to who you are.”

“This is Giles, he’s hitching a ride with us,” said the Doctor brightly. “Temporal displacement of some stripe landed him in a particularly shifty bit of the Andromeda Galaxy. Lucky for him I gave him my number – for emergencies only, mind,” he added somewhat severely in Giles’s direction. “That situation you’ve got going in California is well out of my jurisdiction.”

“Well aware,” said Giles, flushing a bit. River wondered what he’d attempted to ask the Doctor for. “Though I will argue that the one call I made to you certainly constituted—”

“It’s a fixed point, Giles. Can’t happen.” The Doctor’s smile was still as cheery as ever, but the steel in his voice made it clear that this was something he’d had to argue with Giles about more than just this once. “But I can drop you off back at that school of yours, can’t I? What time did you say the vortex sucked you in?”

“Ah – twenty past three.”

“Day?”

“October sixteenth.” At the Doctor’s look, Giles let out a frustrated breath. “1998.”

“Have to be precise about it, don’t I?” The Doctor flipped a handful of buttons with dramatic flourish, sprinting around to the other side of the console to hit a few more buttons. “Especially seeing as—”

“Sweetie,” said River, “there really isn’t any need to press that many buttons to get him back to 1998. All you did was turn the lights on and off in the swimming pool.”

“No, I didn’t,” said the Doctor. “Didn’t I?”

Patting his shoulder, River let go of her husband, strolling over to lean against the railing next to Giles. “Lovely to meet you, by the way,” she said. “How did you and the Doctor first become acquainted?”

“Oh, he’s – well-versed in my family’s business,” said Giles somewhat stiffly.

“No secrets between me and the missus, Giles!” called the Doctor, who was continuing to theatrically hammer buttons at random. Men. “Well, you know, aside from all the secrets we’re already keeping from each other. River, you know about Sunnydale, don’t you? Think we visited it twice on my end.”

“Sunnydale,” River repeated. The name sounded vaguely familiar. “That little American town with the vampires that are actually vampires?”

“More things in heaven and earth, Horatio,” quipped the Doctor.

“Only visited it once with you, sweetie, and it was in the early seventies – so we’ll visit it again in the future?”

“February 1998,” said the Doctor with a curious softness. His eyes met Giles’s, a strange, somber look passing between them, and River felt the distinct sense of a secret she wasn’t in on. She was used to this, however, and very deliberately ignored it. “Giles wanted my help rewriting time.”

“Oh,” said River, feeling a twinge of sympathy. Her experience with fixed points hadn’t been at all pleasant. “What was it?”

Giles’s small smile was frozen on his face. In a stiffly polite tone of voice, he said, “In the past. Doctor, really, I’d prefer to just be taken to Sunnydale; I don’t particularly feel like reliving the abject humiliation of the last time you and I met.”

“As I’ve said before,” said the Doctor, quiet and gentle, “it’s nothing I’m not familiar with.”

For some reason, then, Giles looked towards River. There was a strange, desperate sadness in his eyes. “Quite,” he said. ���River, it was truly lovely to meet you; I’ve always regretted being in no condition to do so the last time your husband was in town. I—” He hesitated, then swallowed, shaking his head a little. “No. No, it’s not my place, but I still must tell you—”

“Giles,” said the Doctor, that warning note in his voice again.

“If it’s not your place, you likely shouldn’t,” said River lightly. “The Doctor and I have rules for a reason. Time is a fragile thing.”

Giles looked up at her, then towards the Doctor. “Is it worth it, then?” he said, his voice shaking. “Time – stolen time – with no knowledge of when it will be cut brutally short?”

“I’m still in it,” said the Doctor. He had moved away from the console, dramatics set aside in favor of quietly wrapping his arms around River’s waist. “Any time with the woman I love is a blessing.”

He knew. The knowledge lurched through River like a lightning bolt. He knew something horrible, something awful that had happened to River, or perhaps to the Doctor, and whatever it was, the Doctor knew it too. Forcing her own plastic smile to her face – because River Song never showed weakness – she tugged herself gently free from the Doctor’s arms, placing a hand briefly on his shoulder. “I really should go up and get dressed,” she said.

“River—” said Giles.

“What good would it do to tell her, Giles?” said the Doctor as River strode back towards their room. “Not everything can be changed, no matter how much we wish it could.”

 ~~~~~

The Doctor came up after Giles had gone, looking much older and much more tired than he ever let Amy and Rory see. River, who was sitting propped up against the pillows, reached out a wordless hand; he took it, pressing a reverent kiss to her wrist. “I’m sorry,” he whispered hoarsely. “You will never know how sorry I am, River.”

“Doctor, I never thought this was going to be easy, you and me,” said River quietly. “It’s all right if there are some things I’ll not know about until they happen.”

“You forgive me endlessly,” said the Doctor, “endlessly, for the way I treat you. How do you have it within yourself to do that?”

“You forgave me,” said River. “A very, very long time ago, when I needed it most. I don’t think anyone else in the universe will forgive me for the things I’ve done.”

“Damn the universe,” said the Doctor hotly, and caught her face in his hands, pulling her into a kiss.

The moment was simple and ultimately forgotten. There were too many moments like this – the Doctor charged with a strange and miserable secret, River unable to condemn him for a horror she hadn’t yet experienced – for River to remember every single time the Doctor was wracked with mysterious guilt. Shadows and skeletons characterized River’s relationship with the Doctor; she’d never been afraid of things like that. What mattered were these moments: the Doctor pressing River desperately into the pillows, heated kisses trailing down her throat. He apologized a thousand times over in the way he touched her – let her closer to him than anyone else could ever be. However broken and awful the world around them was, she still had him, and that was what mattered.

[one-leaf-grimoire]

“triad”

Chapter 4: the three votes

AKA the main character manipulates men into doing what she wants.

Link to the full Ao3 work

Three votes.

Three votes, that's all I need.

Yes, the threshold I need to win is actually five votes. But once two of those votes swing my way, the others will follow. Well, maybe I just need two votes now. The one that was withheld last round and one from the pair of rivals.

Fuegoleon and Nozel... to gain both of their votes, I just need to convince one. 

My grandparents once told me that the foundation of every Dyad is a strong relationship. It can be that between a husband and wife; lovers; maybe two best friends. But the most interesting yet volatile Dyads came from those formed from two rivals. Admittedly, it's been a long time since I had a true rival. Back when I was a kid, I mentally competed with Horatio. He was strong and powerful, at least for a commoner, and I wanted nothing more than to beat him. But that seems like a lifetime ago. Several lifetimes. I hardly recognize the girl I was back then, as if she's a stranger or just someone I made up in my own head.

The point is... the rivalry between Fuegoleon and Nozel is something I've never fully understood. They push each other to get better in the hopes of one day beating the other to the throne, but the understanding between them was that, at the very least, one of them was worthy of it. And no one else.

Not even me.

So...

In order to defeat them, I have to destroy it. Their rivalry. I'll crush it with everything I can muster. I'm sorry... but I can't let you stand in my way.

I walk for a long time, formulating my plan, until I make my decision. First, I'll go to Fuegoleon. Then, to Nozel. And finally... to William.

William...

My plan to get his vote is not solid. It relies completely on my ability to pull at the well of shame and guilt I know is building inside him. 

... I'm sorry.

"Hey, Fuego~"

I find Fuegoleon leaning on the edge of a window, staring down at the city below. He turns quickly at the sound of my voice, and his eyes widen slightly as I approach. However, he can't help the small smile that etches itself on his lips. "Oh... hello." He straightens up, letting go of the edge. "If nothing else, you're surprising us all today."

"What? That sounds like an insult," I tease, walking up next to him and looking out as well. The city is busy with repairs, people moving around the streets like little ants. It's a view I'm used to, one I've known for almost 7 years now. "And surprises are good, right?"

Fuegoleon shrugs, his gaze following mine down to the city. "I suppose..." 

We sit there for a long time in silence, just staring out at the Kingdom that one of us will rule by the end of today.

"...Fuegoleon?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember... that time you got turned into a frog?"

Fuegoleon's jaw drops and he makes a surprised noise. It comes out in a choked CROAK, and I can't help but burst out laughing at it. "Wow, I guess old habits die hard!"

"What?! Ah- AHEM!" Fuegoleon blushes as he clears his throat, but the sound of my laugh ensures that his smile stays on his face. "Yes, yes, I remember... although I'd like to forget." He lets out a soft chuckle. "That was so long ago..."

"Yeah, it really was." I shake my head a bit at the memory. "Back before you were captain and I was an advisor. Back when..."

I don't really know what I want to say. Back when things were simple? Before I was disgraced? Back when Julius was alive?

Back when Julius was alive... that wasn't even a week ago.

"I know today has been a big surprise. I know you never expected me to throw my hat into the ring. I guess I'm sorry about that..." I sigh, closing my eyes, the fleeting joy of the last few moments already ebbing away.

Fuegoleon draws in a heavy breath. He's tired, I can feel it, every bone in his body aching and his mind reeling to just stay awake. He woke up from a coma just a few days ago, after all, and has been on his feet ever since. It must have been scary and confusing to wake up in the midst of such a ferocious battle, but he got everything under control at his base and went on to fight inside the shadow palace. At his core, Fuegoleon is a leader, someone strong who can be looked up to and followed without question. I was proud to call him my comrade and captain.

I know in my heart that he would be a great Wizard King. Maybe it's selfish to take it away from him. But I have to.

I promised.

"Don't apologize. I can't pretend I'm not surprised... and a little confused." Fuegoleon glances over at me out of the corner of his eye. "You really haven't been planning this for a while?"

"No, not at all! Do I seem prepared?" I shoot him a little grin to keep things light. "But what is it you're confused about? I thought I made a pretty good case for myself-"

"You did, you did!" Fuegoleon, to my surprise, cuts me off. I look up to see him facing me, smiling despite the challenge I've created for him. "It was a very good case, too."

I raise an eyebrow. "Oh? You don't sound like someone that determined to become Wizard King."

Fuegoleon snorts. "No, no, I am... But just because I'm determined, doesn't mean I can't recognize those with worth of your own." I blink, a little confused, as he closes his eyes and smiles. "I think... you would make a fine Wizard King."

He lets the statement hang in the air for a moment before opening his eyes again, his expression turning grim again.

"But, the case you made today... those were just reasons why we should want you to be Wizard King. What I really want to know..."

He narrows his eyes. 

"Why do you want to be Wizard King?"

...

I made a promise. I want to continue Julius's legacy. I deserve it. I've worked harder than anyone else. Spite. I want to be the first commoner to do it. 

I want to be Wizard King... because I WANT to be Wizard King.

About thirty different reasons flash through my mind at once, blurring and blending into each other all at once. It takes me by surprise, the sudden animosity that wells up in response to the question, like a flame being fed by air... before suddenly sputtering out into nothing.

"...I..."

I feel Fuegoleon's hand on my shoulder, squeezing for a moment. "I meant what I said. I think you would be amazing. You're strong, confident, and people follow you. You're probably more powerful than any of us. And you carry Julius's soul in your own. But..." He lets go. "I don't want you to do this because you think you're expected to. That's too much pressure to bear."

Fuegoleon turns away, starting to walk off down the hallway to leave me alone again.

... I can't give up...

I ball up my fist, and my prior conversation with Marx and Yami.

"I don't think you should keep acting like nothing happened. It has to hurt... right?"

"... too much to bear?"

He pauses at the sound of my voice, which is wavering dangerously on the edge of a void. Slowly, he turns around to still see me staring out the window. My eyes feel hot and wet, but I don't let even a single drop of emotion escape. Sucking in a shaky breath, I finally look up at him, and I see his facade drop.

Look at me... see me. See what I want you to see.

"Do you have any idea... how much pain I'm in right now?"

Fuegoleon's eyes widen, his mouth opening as he realizes what he's done. 

He made me cry. Me, the girl who never cries, is letting my eyes tear up in front of him. It's a vulnerability I don't dare show to people, except for those closest to me. Marx, my father, and Julius... I can count the number of people who've seen me cry on one hand. And now, Fuegoleon thinks that he's added himself to that list.

"I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-" 

He steps forward, his non-fire hand reaching out to comfort me, put I pull away before he can touch me. I cover my face, drawing in one long, shallow breath.

"It hurts, Fuegoleon... It's the worst I've ever felt in my life. Everything I ever wanted is gone. Julius..." I gulp thickly, squeezing my eyes shut. "He's gone!"

With each word I speak, I fly closer and closer to the sun. If I fly too far, I'll burn up and fall back down into that dark, deep emptiness.

That emptiness... it engulfs this whole world. It is the world without him.

Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Just speak.

"I'm sorry..." Fuegoleon has no idea what to do, and he's panicking just like I predicted. He steps to my side, then to the other once I turn away again and again, avoiding his gaze. "I-I didn't mean to upset you-"

"It's not you! Don't you get it!" Finally, I let my voice raise, just a little, which silences him again. I let my hands drop to my sides as I look back up at his horrified face. The tears streak down my cheeks now. "I can't make you understand. You and your rivalry... you wouldn't, would you? You don't know what it's like to lose."

Fuegoleon opens his mouth, but he can't possibly have a good response to that. I sniff deliberately, reaching up and starting to wipe off my face. 

"I loved him with everything I had... and now I have to replace him, or this void..."

One of my hands clutches my chest, right over my heart.

Yes, it does hurt... but I can't think about it.

I close my eyes for a long moment, and when I open them, they're empty.

"The only think I can replace him with is the Kingdom. I want to be Wizard King, because I want to love something like that again."

The hand outreached to me finally falls, and forms a fist by Fuegoleon's side.

He's making his decision.

The first tightens.

Fuegoleon...

And finally, he lets it relax. His shoulders slump.

He's been defeated. A few tears, a crying friend... and a sincere statement. That's all it took.

You revealed your own weakness. You let yourself consider another option, other than yourself and Nozel. You considered me. And once I came up with my reason...

You can't refuse this last request from a friend, can you?

I'm sorry.

"...I see."

Fuegoleon's voice is soft. 

"I... I'll see you back in the conference room. Let me know if you need anything."

"...thank you."

I keep staring at the ground until his footsteps fade out of earshot, and then finally look up at the empty hallway. I reach up and wipe away the lingering moisture, wondering how much of it was real.

Wow... I really am the worst, aren't I?

For a brief moment, I started to fall. The emptiness threatened to consume me. I know it's inevitable at this point, and before long I'll have to get it out of my system, but I don't have that luxury right now. I just have to tough it out until this day is over. 

On that subject, there's just one more person to see, now that I basically have Fuegoleon wrapped around my finger. With that one conversation, I'm certain that I've secured two votes. Fuegoleon votes first, and once Nozel sees that his rival has given up...

It's mine. But not yet.

William.

I find him standing by himself outside the conference room. He looks up once he hears my footsteps, giving me a little smile. "...hello."

"Hey." I give him a smile before leaning on the wall next to him. "Are you waiting for everyone to come back?"

"Yeah." He nods slowly, his gaze meeting mine for just a moment before dropping to the ground. Ah. This is going to be hard. It's no secret that, despite what I told him on the night of the attack, William is drowning in guilt. He almost single-handedly destroyed the kingdom, but against me, personally... he committed a crime he'll never forgive himself for.

It's that guilt that I'm betting on now.

"I guess I have the easiest decision... I'm abstaining again." William's eyes close, their lavender shades hidden from my view.

His eyes...

Julius had eyes just like that, too.

"I don't want you to feel like this is a vote against you, though," William turns to me, suddenly very concerned about this point, almost frantic. "I mean- I just feel like-" He starts to stumble. "I think you would be great-" Gee, like I haven't heard that before! "-I just..."

For a brief moment, William looks like he's about to cry.

"I think I gave up my right to vote... when I let Patri kill Julius."

He winces at the sound of his own words, but they bounce right off my skin.

Oh... oh William...

Just like Fuegoleon, William has revealed his weakness.

"That's not true."

With every ounce of strength I have, I extinguish anything warm I feel towards this man.

He just made a mistake. Don't do it, please... It wasn't his fault.

It's just for a moment... but the light extinguishes.

"William..."

His eyes meet mine. There's a flash of fear as he beholds the cold emptiness within them.

"You gave up your right to be silent when you let Patri kill Julius."

Confusion mixes with the fear. "...huh-"

"William. I told you before-" I hold up my hand and point at him accusingly.

"If you want me to forgive you, you'll need to help me. And right now..."

Despite the bitter regret that taints each word I say to my old friend, I smile.

"I need your vote. So... vote for me."

Vote for me.

I say it like I normally would, as if I was just asking a favor of a good friend. Which, in the end, that's all I'm doing. But there's a weight stringed against my words, a weight that drags behind both William and I. If he knows what's going on here, he can't do anything to resist. Because, I have the one thing he wants most: my forgiveness. He doesn't know that I've already given it to him. I'm not stupid- I know that there were otherworldly forces at work, beyond even Patri's command. Patri's hands held the sword, but the Devil was the one who struck down Julius in the end. However...

It doesn't matter if I've already forgiven William; He has no idea if I have. So I'll withhold it until he does what I want.

"I'm going inside... see you soon, William."

His lavender eyes follow me silently as I walk away, the door slamming closed behind me.

And now... it's time to see if my bet pays off.

The final vote occurs and MC/Lisa finds herself at the center of a trial once again... but this time, she has something to say. Next time, chapter 5: the payoff.

[hms-chill]

Just a Dream

Summary: Henry wakes up to an empty bed, no sign of Alex, and a sinking knowledge that he's left for good.

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"Can you imagine if we were still dating? That would be wild, right?" Alex asks, grinning. Henry fakes a laugh as he feels the fissure in his heat grow into a canyon. He'd thought they were dating, but apparently they're not. Apparently they'd gone back to being friends, nothing more, and the massive hole in his heart is just something he'll have to live with. As he lets the darkness of his broken heart swallow him, he hears his grandmother's laugh echo in his ears.

He wakes up alone, his head pounding. This isn't right. Alex should be next to him; their breakup should have been a dream. But he's not there, and Henry's lying in the middle of the bed, David curled up happily where Alex should be. He looks toward what should be Alex's end table, and there's no phone, no glasses, no charger, not even the book he's working through. There's no sign of Alex anywhere.

A sinking feeling settles firmly into Henry's stomach. He knew it was too good to be true. He'd known it couldn't last, somehow; a person like him didn't get to be in love with someone like Alex. It just wouldn't work. His grandmother has been telling him that for ages; princes don't end up with first sons. It's impossible for more reasons than he can count, and they'd been stupid to even try to make things work in such an impossible world.

But no; it had worked. They'd built a life, and just because all signs of Alex seem to have disappeared from their bedroom doesn't mean he's gone. Henry fumbles for his phone, knocking a piece of paper that likely has a half-formed midnight revelation scribbled on it to the floor. He can't wait to read it later; last time it was "Horatio 'sweet' gay etymology". His phone reveals nothing but the fact that he's running late. With a pang, he realizes that he'd relied on Alex's alarm to wake him up, but Alex is gone now. He must be. Henry climbs out of bed in a rush, but as he does, his head spins and his stomach revolts. He barely makes it to the bathroom before he throws up, and he calls in sick from there, head resting on the cool porcelain of the toilet seat. He texts Bea their daily update from there, too; letting her know he loves her and that he's got the flu, but she shouldn't worry. She'll get it when she wakes up in a few hours. His phone buzzes after that, but he ignores it to get himself up and to the kitchen. He lets David outside and makes a cup of tea, trying not to be upset by the coffee maker that has clearly not been used this morning.

As the kettle heats, Henry tries to remember what happened between him and Alex. Something must have happened; he's clearly the only one still living in the house he'd picked for the two of them. But through the pounding in his head and the fog in his brain, he can't remember what. He just knows Alex should be here, and he's not. His favorite mug isn't out on the counter, and his contacts weren't in the bathroom, and his shoes aren't on the mat.

David is back at the door, so Henry lets him in, grabbing his tea and the emergency packet of Jaffa cakes he keeps in the cupboard. He knows he should sleep; he's decently sick and his sleep schedule has never been exactly steady. But he can't close his eyes without missing Alex. Alex's arms around him, Alex's breath on his neck, Alex's feet tangling with his under the blankets. He tries to read, but that causes the same difficulty. He can't stop expecting Alex's head on his shoulder, Alex's lips on his cheek, Alex's presence on the bed beside him, tapping his hand when he's found something interesting in his own book to share. Eventually, Henry gives up on it all and brings up Bake Off on his laptop, picking a different season from the one he's watching with Alex, and tries his best to disappear into biscuit land, David curled up beside him.

He sleeps intermittently, trying to doze between every episode and maybe getting in a solid few hours total. What he gets, though, is full of dreams of Alex. Alex packing his things and leaving. Alex calmly explaining that it isn't working. Alex leaving Henry alone with the queen, a defeated husk of himself finally ready to accept life in a tower.

Alex coming in quietly, carrying a bowl of soup and kissing Henry's forehead to wake him up.

"Hi, baby. Bea said you weren't feeling so great." Well. If this is a dream, it's one of the better ones. Alex looks like he's just gotten back from something fancy, and if Henry weren't so sick and this weren't a dream, he'd be ready to do absolutely filthy things to an Alex who looks this good.

As it is, all Henry can manage is a groan. Alex smiles, and Henry blesses his subconscious for holding onto that soft smile, the one that's so full of love Henry can barely stand it.

"Okay. I'm going to leave the soup here, and I'll be right back with a thermometer and meds, okay? I love you." He starts to go, but Henry grabs his hand. If Alex leaves, he'll wake up, and he doesn't want to go back to that world just yet. He wants to stay here, where everything is perfect.

"Don't go. I don't want this one to end."

"What do you mean, baby? I'll be right back."

"No; if... if you go, I'll wake up, and I don't want to. I know... I know I can't have this, not with who I am and have to be and all that, but I want to pretend. Just... just for a little bit longer, please? I don't want to be alone again."

"Hen, what are you talking about?"

"This is a dream, and real... real Alex is gone, and if you go then I have to wake up and go back to that, and I don't want to." He's started to cry, which is probably going to wake him up anyway, but Alex isn't leaving anymore. He's coming closer to sit on the bed and wrap Henry in his arms, holding him close as Henry finally lets the sobs start to tear him apart. "I just... I want to pretend... I want this to be real."

"Baby, this is real, I promise. Oh, Henry, baby, Love. Corazón. I would never leave you, I swear. I love you more than anything. Here; I'm... Henry, baby? Look at me?" Henry does, and he sees a few of his own tears reflected in Alex's eyes. Alex cups his face gently, wiping a few tears away with his thumb and looking at Henry with eyes so full of adoration and love that the tears threaten to come back immediately. "I'm going to pinch you, okay? If you can feel it and it hurts, you'll know this is real, and that I would never, ever leave you."

Henry nods, sniffling a bit. Alex pinches his arm, just enough to hurt, then presses a kiss to the same spot as Henry buries his face in his shoulder.

"It's okay, Sweetheart. It's okay. I'm here. I had meetings up in Albany starting early this morning, but I'm here now. I'm here. I love you; I'm sorry I ever had to leave."

"I... I had a dream we broke up, and then everything was gone..."

"But that's impossible. I kissed your forehead to chase out all the bad thoughts before I left."

Henry lets out a watery laugh, still trying to believe that all of this is real. Alex is here, holding him and promising over and over that he loves him. This is real, Alex says so. He got his fairy tale ending. When the tears fade, leaving him clinging to Alex like a tired koala, Henry says, "I'm sorry. I... after everything, it felt... I just... all of this, after my grandmother and Richards and everything? I still... it all just feels so impossible sometimes, still."

"I know, I know. You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry I had to go, and I'm sorry I didn't call over lunch or anything, and I just... I'm sorry. I should have done more than a note and a text, especially knowing you were sick. I didn't want to wake you, but I... I should have done more."

"A note?"

"I left it right next to your phone. Did you not see it?"

"I... I think it fell."

"Okay. Here's what we'll do, if it's okay with you. I'm going to pick up the note, and while you read it, I'm going to get some meds, a thermometer, and my dinner. Then I'll be back, and we can watch Bake Off and cuddle while we eat. Does that sound alright?"

"But you'll get sick."

"Nonsense. You're most contagious the day or two before the fever, so I'm already contaminated. Besides, you're always telling me to rest; if I get a fever I'll have to. Then you'll have to stay home and look after me, and I won't have to share you for a whole day."

Henry laughs again, and it sounds a bit more like it should. Alex kisses his forehead, bends to pick up the letter, then kisses his forehead again as he hands it over.

"I'll be back soon; no bad thoughts while I'm gone, okay?"

"Okay." One last forehead kiss and he's gone, but Henry can hear running footsteps in the hall outside. David hops off the bed, likely needing dinner and to be let out, but Henry doesn't mind. He turns to the letter in his hands, picturing Alex writing it early that morning, glasses on and hair barely tamed. It would have been still partly dark when he left, and Henry can picture him writing it in the half-light of an early morning through the window, just as the city started to come awake.

"Baby, Sorry I missed you this morning; I'm off early for meetings in Albany. You'd probably know what idiot made them the state capital instead of us, let's add them to our list of people to fight. I hate missing you wake up, but we both know you need your beauty sleep, so I'll have to imagine your bed head and morning breath and all the stunningly imperfect things about you that the world never gets to see. I'll pick up an early dinner on my way home, so no need to worry about that. I love you. I love your gorgeous sleeping face and your giant, beautiful heart, and I love that little smile you'll get reading this. I love how you love letters and all these sappy little things. I love you, Alex PS- I just kissed away the bad dreams, but your forehead felt hot. Please take the day off if you need to; you deserve to rest for a bit. I adore you."

He looks up from the letter to see Alex in the flesh, panting slightly but with a second bowl of soup, a cup of tea, some meds, and the thermometer. He comes to take Henry's temperature, frowning slightly before handing him a pill.

"Take this; it should help. But we should call off work tomorrow; you're not fever free yet, and you'll need someone to look after you."

"But you have the state senate meetings tomorrow, too, don't you?"

"Yeah, well, state senate can wait. They can send someone else; Albany blows anyway. Like ten of the top fifteen things to do are historic houses and buildings; it can wait until I can see it with you."

Henry smiles, swallowing the pill and starting on his soup while Alex emails his boss, then emails the shelter to let them know Henry won't be in tomorrow, either. When he's done, he gets them to Bake Off. David's arrived, curling up at their feet but clearly planning to move upward as soon as they'll let him.

"Thank you. You're... the best partner I can imagine. There's no one else I'd rather spend my life with, and I adore you, and I'm so thankful that I get to date and live with and love you. I'm sorry I don't tell you enough," Henry says softly, but Alex shakes his head.

"Nonsense. The not telling me enough bit, I mean, not the rest. Except the best partner bit, because you're the best partner I can imagine. I'm sorry I don't tell you enough how much I adore you, and how wonderful you are, and how amazed by you I am everyday. I could keep going, until you get sick of me and chase me out so you can sleep, but it looks like bread week, so. What do you say we disappear into bread land for an hour?"

Henry nods, resting his head on Alex's shoulder as Mel and Sue bring them into bread week. Alex is there; he's real. His shoulder is solid, moving slightly as he eats his soup and encourages Henry to do the same. He's there, real as anything, his arm pressed against Henry's and David curled up on their tangled legs.

On AO3

Notes:

Remember that funny thing where Alex slipped and hit his head and forgot they were dating? Inspired by a prompt from @stardustbooknerd? This is the angsty companion piece for that. I'd say I'm sorry, but that would be a lie. But hey. All’s well that ends in fluff, right? 

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On an unrelated note, the etymology of "sweet" in 'Hamlet' is that it was very gay, but Horatio only uses it after Hamlet's dead ("goodnight, sweet prince"). So he only tells Hamlet he loves him after Hamlet is dead. Which is fine and not heartbreaking in the least.