#what the hell am i doing at this point
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gemsbokk · 5 months ago
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i hope I'm not just a discommunist to you all but also a rene connoisseur
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flockoff · 1 year ago
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In a another world, Peak of Combat has a plot that involves Time Travel Shenanigans which puts V in one of the Funniest Situations.
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mettywiththenotes · 5 months ago
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Noticing that Jax hasn't gotten to do what he wants for 2 episodes (at least not fully, he's usually held back by the others to a frustrating degree) and at the end of both he is forced to see right before his eyes that the people in the circus care about one another and he noticeably brushes off or avoids that fact
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I just think these expressions are very interesting
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danwhobrowses · 25 days ago
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Now that Critical Role's VOD of episode 120 is out and everyone in the fandom's had a moment to breathe, simmer, and adjust to this all. I wanna do a big talk about my favourite idiot punk rock, Ashton Greymoore.
Because over these last few episodes, I've been so proud of them.
Many people have had vocal opinions on Ashton, not all of them positive either; I've seen many berate them and say they're selfish, not a team player, or that they 'don't add anything to the group'. But over the past few episodes, I feel like Ashton has been an unsung hero in the battles with Ludinus and Predathos, with their contributions, oftentimes selfless and cooperative, ending up providing the floor for others to deliver strong and impactful actions.
While Dorian and Imogen will rightfully get the lion's share of praise for their clutch moments - Dorian's Force Cage on Ludinus saving Liliana and defeating Predathos' first stage alongside Imogen's Power Word: Stun setting up Ludinus' death and defeating Predathos' second stage - Ashton's actions were often the prelude to moments that could not have succeeded without them, including these clutch moments. Their attack on Ludinus in 117 prompted the Silvery Barbs that burned up his reaction - which allowed Dorian to successfully use Force Cage without being Counterspelled, their high-damage attack on his neck hole in 118 broke Ludinus' concentration on Ravenous Void - which somehow later got credited to Chetney - which gave Imogen the freedom and mobility to get in range for Power Word: Stun, they got the Insight check whisper on Predathogen in 119 to know that Imogen was physically inside of the body and needed to be pried out - which Imogen achieved herself thanks in part to Fearne reaching her, and recently in 120 they pulled Imogen out of Predathos' maw, abandoning the Hammer synonymous with their character (to the point that Keyleth titled them the 'Paradox Hammer') to prioritize saving their friend, which - following Dorian's healing - gave her the chance to use the Ring of Remembrance for the finishing Meteor Swarm. Not to mention all the other damage they dealt and tanked throughout the four fights, the passive d4 bonuses and advantage they gave the party (almost acting partly as a secondary paladin or a tertiary bard) to buff their damage and saving throws, and accepting the risk of disintegration when Laudna used their Hammer's spell splitter - which forced Predathos to use its final Legendary Resistance.
The Disintegrate moment itself was tense because we all know that Ashton is high among the Hells who would sacrifice themselves to save the group - a mentality most of the Hells likely shared in this fight - but fortunately they don't have to, they'll never have to, and they gained something just as if not more valuable than a heroic sacrifice: they get to live. The person who before meeting these chucklefucks believed they'd likely die face-down in a ditch in some backwater alley and thrown into an unmarked grave AT BEST gets to live, and the people that mean most to them get to live thanks to their efforts, their successes. And that's the most important part; for all the times they couldn't help or save someone because they were unconscious or out of reach, for all the times they let their imposter syndrome tell them they're just a fuckup undeserving of trust, praise, or love, and for every fear they had that one day they'd mess up and this new family of theirs will abandon them like the Nobodies did, this time they were there standing beside their people to the very end - and they helped get them out alive. No mistakes, no carelessness, and no-one left behind.
For that, I am proud of Ashton Greymoore; not Bells Hells' Weapon but their Helm, not a Blunt Instrument but a Protector, and not a Hero who needs to do 'what needs to be done' but a Friend who is saving their people no matter the odds. Under all the hardened and rugged exterior that has always been who Ashton is - the perfectly flawed character they are.
#*slams fist* SAVIOUR OF THE BROKEN THE BEATEN AND THE DAMNED!#And it's not to say that Ashton's the only one that deserves credit because they all do but I'm giving Ashton their flowers now#and yeah they're still an idiot punk rock but they keep getting to remake themselves and I'm happy for them#they still represent the philosophy associated with kintsugi - wabi-sabi: the beauty of the imperfect impermanent and incomplete#*slams fist again* you can't hide the cracks but you can embrace the repairs#they were so beaten up from these fights but nothing rings truer for Ashton than 'the body breaks but the soul refuses to die'#also by helm I mean like a helmsman not a helmet just fyi - they help steer BH; line up the enemies so the others can knock them down#I am proud of all the Hells too...mostly - Braius still needs to regain their trust - but everyone did their part to keep everyone alive#We all know that Tal has - or at least puts on - a level of detachment with their PCs in case they die but I'm so relieved they didn't#Ashley was relieved too - just pointing it out there for Fearne 'I have Silvery Barbs from Rogue to save my rock' Calloway#you two have weird mushrooms to enjoy - also like the rest of your lives together#Still wish we got a Titan combo but I'll take them all surviving over seeing it and them dying#Seeing them set up Imogen for a clutch spell twice reminds me how underrated their bond is; which pairs with their sibling bond with Laudna#There's still the matter of Vassalheim and the Gods ofc but this is not the first firing squad BH has stood before this campaign#but I do feel like the fighting needs to be over for the campaign - as in no more combat - lest it devalues Predathos as a final boss#Ludie2/Twodinus is still out there though ¬_¬ maybe he'll be a one shot returner like Delilah Trent and Uk'otoa (Uk'otoaaa)#I do hope the collapse of the core doesn't fully destroy Ruidus either - Gaz Tomo the Myceit and the Bormodo kinda live there#we also need to know what happened to Fy'ra Morrighan Deanna FRIDA Prism and Deni$e - where are they? Did they fight?#*slams fist a third time for no reason* my hand hurts now#critical role#cr spoilers#c3e120#ashton greymoore#bells hells#ludinus da'leth#imogen temult#laudna#predathos#dorian storm
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lynxfrost13 · 3 months ago
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KLBR-S2306 “Wanze”
commissioned art by Phosology!
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- pretty typical sierpinski-23 kolibri unit for a while there. She was a less seasoned kolibri and tended to be very clingy with her cadre. Her cadremates liked to tease her affectionately about it.
- Really loves physical touch of all sorts, especially having her hair played with and her face touched, it’s very soothing to her!
- Her name Wanze comes from the German word for bug/bedbug! She got it due to her clinginess. Eventually she also received the name Fehler in a derogatory way, it means bug but more in the context of an error or failure.
- Her usual duties involved shifts down in the mines to monitor gestalt workers and ensure that they weren’t being disruptive and decreasing productivity.
- during one of these shifts a few gestalts were VERY disruptive and during a scuffle involving the gestalts, Wanze, and a poor mynah unit equipped with a mining laser, Wanze received a severe head injury from the mynah suddenly misdirecting the laser and hitting her.
- That injury would have killed her if she were a gestalt, but thanks to that handy titanium skull and nearby protektors rushing her to the hospital wing to be patched up, she survived. She had to get her faceplate replaced :(
- Wanze also completely lost her bioresonance due to the accident, and the medical officer who oversaw her care, a eule named Holt, was unable to restore it, leaving her with a pretty useless kolibri.
- Holt stepped in to keep her patient alive, and after arguing that Wanze was harmless to the kolibri hivemind (now simply just not a part of it) and through being very persistent (annoying), Adler allowed for Wanze to be reassigned to more standard protektor duties since she could still be useful, with occasional check ins to make sure she wasn’t degrading.
- This was hell for Wanze for a while, adjusting to the lack of mental noise and connection to her fellow kolibris was a shock, and she was expecting to be decommissioned.
- After finding out that she had to keep living without the hivemind, Wanze became incredibly frustrated both with herself and Holt, blaming the medic for extending her suffering. The two of them had a tense relationship for a bit due to Holt not fully understanding Wanze’s grief and Wanze refusing to cooperate with Holt. They come to understand each other after some hard talks and the two become friends, and eventually fall in love.
- In many ways Holt was the only thing in Wanze’s life that made her feel comfortable, Wanze still had to sleep and share a living space with the other kolibris, which was awkward and awful for her. There was a coldness and a distance that there hadn’t been before between them. It constantly reminds her that she’s not like them anymore.
- After the accident she also tries to avoid looking at her face, especially her forehead, where there’s three dead bioresonance crystals ready to look back at her. To make her feel better Holt likes to kiss them <3
- Her days in her relationship with Holt are some of her happiest, the two of them spend a lot of time together whenever possible. Wanze loves reading with her and pestering her as part of her “patrol route”. They love bugging each other generally and are just ridiculous your honor
- Of course those happy days don’t last :)
- I talked about this before, but tldr Holt falls ill with the sickness overtaking sierpinski, and Wanze stays by her side in the hospital in between shifts. When coming in from one of those shifts Holt tried to attack her, fully corrupted by the disease. Wanze shot and killed her in self defense… now she’s all alone :(
BONUS
Pinterest Board (forever in progress)
Playlist
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turtleblogatlast · 10 months ago
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[ cw: dismemberment / ]
I think a lot about how Leo’s rescue could have easily ended in him losing a leg as the portal snaps shut on the Krang still clutching the limb, or, alternatively, only having Leo’s right arm make it out, still held dearly in his brother’s hand as the rest of Leo is left behind. (The latter hits even harder, as it directly parallels his future self in the worst of ways.)
I think a lot about how so many things could have gone wrong during the course of the movie with even a little bit of a change, but it really is harrowing how much of a coin-flip the entirety of the Prison Dimension rescue was.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#dismemberment /#if literally any part of the prison dimension rescue was different it would have ended Very Badly#mikey came in clutch for doing the impossible in the first place#raph grabbing leo and not once letting go was vital#and donnie directly hitting the krang was essential#hell leo having the ability to reach out at all in the state he was in was a miracle#listen I think about the prison dimension a lot if you couldn’t tell#for the next tags:#strangulation mention /#physical trauma induced mutism /#potential death mention /#potential sibling death mention /#barely it mainly focuses on if he lives but /#I also think about how Leo’s trachea could have easilyyy given out as Raph (krangified) was choking him#can you imagine the last words raph hearing from his little brother being I’m sorry?#he’d likely live as the hamato bros are built different but imagine if he straight up can’t talk again after#the bros having no idea what Leo’s plan is but they suddenly feel him disappear with the portal#or also#imagine all he gets out in his hoarse voice is to beg Casey to close the portal before his family HEARS the sudden silence like a knife#even if he gets saved his voice may be wrecked or even gone for good#what am I writing wait-#also for my point on leo losing his arm paralleling his future self#imagine fate being a thing in this world but a VERY situational thing#imagine it makes it so that leo has to lose a limb#but not just that - it also ties his presence directly with the Krang’s - so if the Krang’s somewhere else…so is he
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lynxalon · 5 months ago
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i've seen a fair bit of... pessimism about dorym lately, esp with the ep107, for example wondering if dorian's opposing views on the gods making orym fall out of love, and i have to say. i very highly doubt it, ur fr talking about the man who has held on to will for so long, holding onto will's family and affectionately calling this *his* family too because that didn't stop when will died. i dont think falling out of love is an option or even a thought to orym.
that said, we know that orym has contingencies for if anyone in bells hells crosses the line into being a version of themselves they would despise, for anyone who jeopardizes their mission. his mission. i think, for the first time since knowing dorian, orym finally has a contingency for him. the longer dorian is back, the more orym sees how scarred he is by what's happened (understandable so) and knows that dorian is with bells hells all the way. but if he isn't...
#lynx speaks#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#dorym#dorian x orym#i'll be so fr i hardly interact with the cr fandom at large bc soooooo many people are deeply pessimistic#i want to have fun!!!!! i AM having fun#and then i come here and see the most bad faith takes in all of the world ever and its disheartening!#where's ur fucken JOY where's ur fucken WHIMSY#bells hells is one of the wackiest groups with crazy dynamics between them all and its enjoyable!#ur Allowed to enjoy the things u watch i prommy#and to that point! people keep complaining that bells hells r indecisive and there r too many opposing views muddying things etc etc#1. ofc there r a lot of views. the real world is like that too. opposing views is one of the best story elements to enrich ur made up world#2. whenever there is a Big Decisive moment many instantly go 'noooooo not like that!!! that's not what *i*wanted' (ex: the shard.)#the cast receiving backlash from fans every time they r decisive and do something objectively fucken cool and interesting#means that any time they Think about doing a Big Thing... it gets a little harder bc what if the fans hate it. again. should i even do this#separating fandom from cast is a bit more difficult for this form of media and the inherent close proximity or creators to audience#so. just. maybe some of us could chill and cool off just a little. and maybe examine why This Thing is so terrible to u. and remember.#it may be terrible to *u* but thats where it stops. the specific bad feelings u have r not always indicative of media being Bad.#sometimes it's just not ur cup of tea and i PROMMY that its okay if its not
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lovelyrotter · 5 months ago
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ill probably delete this in a minute but ive just been fuckin boggled by what ive seen across tumblr in the last few days in particular. its why i havent really been around. like holy fucking shit, its really like some of yall just dont want a chunk of the trans community to exist. like some of yall are thisclose to saying it verbatum. way too many already have. 'shut up sit down be quiet and smile for us' type shit, gee where have i heard that before. oh yeah my entire life cause i was forcefully gendered as someones daughter. shock horror i know. you might be surprised to remember and/or learn that very few trans folks know theyre trans before we're 5, or even 10, and that that gendered experience stays with all of us in both/either small or large ways. either bc we literally dont have a solid identity yet (bc we're very small children), dont have the words, we're repressing it out of fear from how others will treat us, we're actually enjoying or enjoyed being another gender in our childhood, or we just genuinely didnt fuckin know until shit lined up later in life. weird isnt it that transmascs dont pop out as 6'1 brick shithouse cis men when we're born so yall know for certain that we're confused lost girls/women oops i mean big dangerous scary men. its almost like we're transgender too. none of yall actually know what intersectionality is or means
#my t#transandrophobia#yeah ill tag it why tf not#i just dont understand why transmasculinity is scrutinized and dissected like this within the trans community#when its just not the case for other gendered trans folks amongst themselves more often than not these days#which is a good thing! a really really good thing! but why are we scapegoating transmascs#''we need more weird trans people!!'' yall cant even handle like. a pre-everything trans guy coming out for the first time#yall cant handle a pre-everything tguy wearing a tshirt without tearing him to shreds & calling him shit like afag/theyfab & ukelele boy#im tired of my identity being treated as a debate. i had enough of that in highschool as#very literally. **the only trans kid in my grade** surrounded by cis teachers & peers USING ME AND MY BODY AS A TALKING POINT#i was the only one who wasnt deeply closeted that is. and holy fuck do i still not blame anyone for being closeted in that school#why is it only okay to try to separate trans ppl from our gender when we're not fem/me#why is one celebrated and the other treated like radioactive waste **within our own community**#god i need to find an irl community fuckin badly online trans circles are hell on earth#ill be describing smth that happened to me as a clocky tguy and someone else will say TO MY FACE#that what happened to me wasnt bc i was a clocky guy but purely bc i was trans#like i. what. how. how does that make any kind of fucking sense#i wouldnt be clocky if i wasnt trying to look like my gender. like i. hello?#would u say that to any other trans person or am i just that special?
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urfavisananimegirl · 2 months ago
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walter white from breaking bad
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Walter Hartwell White (Breaking Bad) is an Anime Girl!
#my name is walter hartwell white. i live at 308 negra arroyo lane albuquerque new mexico 87104. this is my confession. if youre watching thi#s tape im probably dead. murdered by my brother in law hank schrader. hank has been building a meth empire for over a year and using me as#is chemist. shortly after my 50th birthday hank came to me with a rather shocking proposition. he asked that i use my chemistry knowledge t#cook methamphetamine which he would then sell using his connections in the drug world. connections that he made through his career with the#DEA. i was... astounded. i always thought that hank was a very moral man and i was thrown. confused. but i was also particularily vulner#able at the time. something he knew and took advantage of. i was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. han#took me on a ride along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. and i was weak. i didnt want my family to#go into financial ruin so i agreed. every day i think back at that moment with regret. i quickly realized that i was in way over my head an#hank had a partner. a man named gustavo fring. a business man. hank essentially sold me into servitude to this man and when i tried to quit#fring threatened my family. i didnt know where to turn. eventually hank and fring had a falling out. from what i can gather hank was always#pushing for a greater share of the business to which fring flatly refused to give him and things escalated. fring was able to arrange uh i#uess you could call it a hit. on my brother in law. and failed but hank was seriously injured. and i ended up paying his medical bills whic#amounted to a little over 177000. upon recovery hank was bent on revenge working with a man named hector salamanca. he plotted to kill frin#and did so. in fact the bomb that he used was built by me and he gave me no option in it. i have often contemplated suicide but i am a cowa#d. i wanted to go to the police but i was frightened. hank had risen in the ranks to become head of the DEA and about that time to keep me#n line he took my children. for 3 months he kept them.my wife who up until that point had no idea of my criminal activities was horrified t#learn what i had done. why hank had taken our children. we were scared. i was in hell i hated myself for what i had brought upon my family.#recently i tried once again to quit to end this nightmare and in response he gave me this. i cant take this anymore. i live in fear every#ay that hank will kill me or worse hurt my family. i... all i could think to do was make this video in hope that the world will finally see#this man for what he really is.#breaking bad#walter white#your fave is an anime girl#your fave is#hall of fame
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septimusmoonlight · 5 months ago
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You doing ok?
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hi
#i'm alive. simply being chewed upon by multiple things#work is more stressful than i'd like it to be. for instance i'm hoping that i submitted my time off notification for tomorrow correctly#because otherwise it might read as a no call no show and i would . like to continue having a job#now to be fair. i do have it on the system that i requested it at the beginning of the month and i emailed my supervisor about it last week#so even if i didn't submit it correctly i'm likely in the clear#but nonetheless. i also got a firm talking-to the other day and now i am on ✨thin ice✨ for dicking around too much#because they track ur idle time at my work (computer) and mine was Quite High so my supervisor was like man what the hell is this#but even though she was kind of baffled at me spending so much time dicking around#she couldn't even really be all that mad in the end because i'm still doing good numbers and have made no (zero) mistakes#so she was just like. it's kind of impressive that your numbers look this good when you literally have 50% idle time#so she goes imagine what you could do if you weren't wasting so much time#and yeah i can whip out some Really Good Numbrers when i put the effort in.#so the problem is not my numbers it's just that i'm not spending long enough doing my tasks for the day#but i don't want to drag out those tasks intentionally so i've just been upping my own standards/goals#as much as i hate giving any more of my brain power than is necessary to giant corporations#it's still easy to feel smug after you get Talked To and then immediately turn around and show off#like yeah i coulda been doing this good the whole time. literally pulling up by 20 points. i just didn't want to.#trying to keep everyone's expectations low but accidentally toed the line of um. not working enough to keep my job#...anyway. EAS national weather system issued a . hi#i haven't forgotten about all of you i'm just having trouble tracking all my shit that i got going on ✨ yaaaaaaay#im gonna post things on AO3 soon. i promise. my weakness is that i get sidetracked trying to unwind from work#...i know i said 'soon' last time. but this time for real#asks#not sexy#anonymous
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haruneski · 1 year ago
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I drew a thing!!! You know this one!!!
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xxplastic-cubexx · 30 days ago
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ohhh i just know magneto is so pathetic in bed constantly asking charles if he’s making him feel good and charles just praising him like 😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌
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THIS IS WHAT I LOG ON TO THIS WEBSITE FOR 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
#nsft#dont look in here im filthy#snap chats#LETS GOOOOOO //SLAMS LOUD CORRECT BUZZER// now if i may cook.#see heres the thing i know charles is erik's favorite word....#erik dont even whimper or moan he'll just say charles' name with varying degrees of lust LARJALKRJG#see MY favorite flavor of erik is him starting out confident and Dare I Say cocky#until he inevitably melts into a desperate needy mess trying to maintain his composure (✿◡‿◡)#like walk with me walk with me: his breathing getting heavier as he presses his lips together trying to keep quiet Girls......#the only thing he allows himself to do is pant charles' name I Hope He Squirms And He Has To Try SO Hard To Maintain His Rhythm#i dont think erik would ever FULLY lose it but he'd be very close and that's still very hot to me.. maybe a bit more who's to say..#sorry .... i just like the Attempts at restraint but still seeing the chips and cracks in it.... like the dam never Fully being broken#but tantalizingly close enough until he comes ... like Cmon Just A Little More.. for some reason that tickles my brain (╯▽╰ )#bonus points if the script gets flipped and now charles gets a bit of a tude/ego with erik ....#dude fuck my tag limit HOW am i supposed to talk bout charles fuckin erik now !!!!!!#AND ITS SO EVIL CAUSE I KNOW CHARLES WOULD SPEAK SO SWEETLY yet in such context.... how lecherous..#LISTEN i just know he's a waist grabber i am certain charles is a waist grabber to keep erik steady while he rides him#'charles cant handle all that' is just my jealous cope because theres SO much to handle and i know charles handsy as hell#i KNOW he touching every curve and every groove on erik's body he doesnt enjoy himself Ever so my god he will indulge#see old people making out crazy tho Theyre Old they dont give a fuck and this is far from their first rodeo#they are shoving each other's tongues down their throats kinda gross if we're honest but what can you do...#thats just how they roll... esp if youre a repressed mfer like charles.#If We're Talking About Dams Breaking then charles is fully letting the dam break when he gets to be intimate with erik#I HAVE CLASS IN AN HOUR WHAT THA FUCKKKK NOW how am i supposed to think of old man sex. jesus christ this is a NIGHTMARE#ending my tags here i fear... sorry i typed up a whole lotta bull fuck i had to put the demons somewhere 😔 let these tags be my plum jar
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bookshelfdreams · 5 months ago
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sowing: I learned how to use a handspindle with a distaff recently (like you see in historical pictures) and it's SO easy, it's literally so easy, I never really got the hang of hand spindles before but this is so easy, the yarn almost spins itself, I could go through this entire 200g braid in 3 days, I could spin enough to make a whole garment!! Bow before me! I am the king and queen of fibre crafting!!!!
reaping: ouch my hand :(
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incorrect-hs-quotes · 1 year ago
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attempted earth c multilungal meeting
JOHN: okay, everybody. our first meeting has officially started! 
JOHN: i know english, spanish, french, german, some latin, and have a 3 year streak on duolingo! jake, what languages do you know? 
JAKE: Christian latin, modern latin, ancient latin, ancient greek, most european runes, a decent amount of southern american tribal languages…
JOHN: okay, uh. any languages that are alive?
JAKE: Oh yes and the romance languages! How could i forget? 
JOHN: awesome, so two of us know spanish! dave, ¿también hablas español?
DAVE: uh 
DAVE: no sabo 
JOHN: pfft, okay then. davepeta, do you know any languages that aren’t a part of your prototyping?
DAVEPETA: B33 < well yeah
DAVEPETA: B33 < kinda rude to suggest otherwise
JOHN: my bad, my bad. what languages do you know? 
DAVEPETA: B33 < i taught myself dog to impress jade 
JOHN: …uh huh.
DIRK: Can I introduce myself?
JOHN: you taught yourself to watch anime without the subtitles.
DIRK: And?
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sieglinde-freud · 2 months ago
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oh im obsessed with this actually… who ever wrote this one i am kissing u on the forehead and hugging you real tight… inigo is such a loverboy im kkkhhhhhhijnsdnfng
#ann plays awakening#EDITING TO SAY I STARTED TAG VENTING HIT READMORE AT YOUR OWN RISK#anyways#LAST LINE IS A KILLERRRR WOW#‘ann werent you just pairing olivia with thar—‘ OLIVIA IS A BUSY WOMAN OKAY#but also i just had this old save file from when i wanted to see pink inigo and decided to get some more supports#im obsessed actually like#ok tag venting time maybe this should be its own post but u guys know who i am#not only does this support in my very educated opinion do a good job at emulating inigo’s way of speaking#but i think theres also a very underrated characteristic he has that not a lot of people talk about and its that hes honestly quite morbid#him spending hours talking to and dancing with his mother’s grave is very beautiful and moving but it is also not a normal way to grieve#which makes sense because duh nothing about his life is normal but its j like. you know#if robin is his father (and maybe j the normal convo i dont remember) in the hot springs scramble he’ll insist upon bringing—#severed risen limbs home as a way to remember the peacefulness (lol) of the springs#and he thinks absolutely nothing of it!!#i think he gets attached to things just a little too intensely and because his life is surrounded by death how he expresses that can be#very interesting. and he talks about death all time more than the other kids#bc while a lot of their coping mechanisms are based in fear and the need to instill confidence in themselves (think cyn or gerome or owain#or sev or yarne or noire)#and how their SCARED of death and of loss and adapt different behaviors to act like theyre not (to varying degrees of success)#i think inigo is much more accepting of the fact that death follows him and has made it a normal presence in his life#which is not a good thing it means that he hasnt let himself grieve. he lets death hang over him and follow him instead of pushing back#also guess which one of the awakening trio in fates has the canonical story death. just by the way lmao#anyways bc im writing this in the tags on my phone i cant actually see what the hell ive been saying im j stream of consciousnessing this#but my point is that inigo has a weird fixation on death and dying that stems from his inability to make peace with death and grieve#and i think him idolizing death in this support (this BRILLIANT fan support that made me ill) is so in character and so lovely#i miss him so bad (hes literally in the photos im posting) grghhhrgah#i wuv him :(
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funkervogt · 28 days ago
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(Realizes that the most common transman experiences perfectly align with my life and feelings about myself and fascinations and who I want to be with) Ohhhh Okay i am fucked
#I do really wish i could just snap my fingers and pilot a cisman's body around#Rather than go through the crucible of visibly transitioning. it seems like a waste to do it when the times are so awful.#I honestly still doubt myself so much but#I can only do so many years of Why are you perceiving me as a woman#Before the shit starts getting real#People really just dont take you fucking seriously. Like even at this point where im at now i still dont know if im quote unquote valid#Because maybe its just a feminist issue and the misogyny is rampant#But an emotional sensitive defensive anxious reactive woman is what i am seen as. Somehow.#When I have gone lengths to ensure that even those close to me do not see a hint of my unchained emotional reality. Just really beats it in#I am entirely logical when I describe my experiences to my family. Clinical and detatched and intentional. And they think i am to be coddle#All the fucking time. Exhausting. I don't want that. I want to come to mutual understanding. Not to beg for emotional attention.#Thats the only thing that ever visibly cracks me. Being horribly misunderstood and taken out of context. Logical self defense being denied.#And being full of estrogen just reinforces that shit. Im a frustration crier. If I had testosterone maybe it wouldnt prove people right.#When you bite back as a woman you are just a bitch.#My fear is that I will be an emotional transgender man that wants to be coddled. I am afraid it will be worse to be that.#I really do just want to be able to live and work and be taken seriously when I say what I mean and what my mind is like.#I want a chance at life. I feel like I'm seen as a hapless girl. Damaged and begging to be freed of all responsibility#No bitch I want to move out and actively build a life for myself and RAISE MYSELF! after years of being misunderstood and alone#And also i want to do homosexual war reenactments with another man or something i dont know i just wish it could be me#Maybe ill just donate blood and faint again#Anyway. Joker. Society. I am the joker#Who wanna reply and tell me if im a valid transman or not. I get chest dysphoria when i have proper posture.#I get ass and hip dysphoria.#Low key having a bangin body as a woman though confuses me still bc maybe i just like being hot more than i gaf about transitioning#It reeeeeally helps that my face has an impeccable T zone. Its kind of masc as hell.
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