#what the fuck happened to me today

[alaskan-wallflower]

ohhhhh my god why did i check my grades

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[latenightsundayblues]

I imagine their banter and bickering in the process of killing someone would deal greater psychological damage than the torturing itself

[ricky-mortis]

Curtwen Week Day 6: Happy Ending

[front-facing-pokemon]

[naamahdarling]

.

[mychlapci]

🔞deadlock pussy!!🔞

+ bitey baby deadlock sketches bc i love him

[b4kuch1n]

about ready

[seiwas]

iwaizumi hajime the type to run to the store for you at some outrageous time like 2am—

—in nothing but his sweatpants, sleep shirt hastily thrown on. it’s thinned out from each wash and is way too faded to be worn out; there’s a hole or two somewhere on the sides. and his hair’s all messed up, sticking out every which way with a bit of sleep still in his eyes.

he’s yawning through the aisles, slides smacking against the store floor as he looks for what you need. self check-out is mechanical at this point, movements memorised.

when he comes back home—to bed, you’re sat up against the headrest, waiting. he drops the paper bag beside you and climbs under the covers, slinging an arm around you as he whispers in your ear, lazy and sleep-laden while his eyes fall shut, “need anything else?”

[xxplastic-cubexx]

On the topic of Charles and sports, I bring you Charles playing Murderball! (Wheelchair rugby)

local wheelchair-bound professor shocks students by how visceral he gets during a game of murderball (name unrelated)

[sherlock-is-ace]

Once again I find myself enjoying the perfect queerplatonic relationship in a fandom while forced to interact with the most qpr erasing people on the fucking planet 🙃

[ef-1]

🍷<3

[this-corner-is-my-safe-space]

"oh no. i think i'm catching feelings"

(this is what i do instead of my very important assignments.

Suggestive near the end, but not descriptive

title from 'sex' by eden)

Freelancer can practically see the steam rushing out of Gavin's ears.

His face is red and his eyes were glaring holes into them. If they didn't know any better, they'd say he was mad at them.

But they saw the way Gavin's lips fought a smile. The corners of them tugging up without his approval, entirely giving away his facade.

They've grown awfully fond of him, and it almost scared them. Almost. No one could really be scared of such beauty, in their humble (and very correct) opinion. And if that didn't convince them, Freelancer would take any and every opportunity explaining how wise, endearing and kind the man in front of them was.

"Are you even listening to me?"

That snapped Freelancer right out of the clouds. They paused for a second, before coming clean.

"Nope. Sorry, handsome."

If Freelancer said Gavin's face managed to get even more red, he would deny it.

"You-" he starts, putting his face in his hands, breathing in and out to calm himself, "I am going to kill you."

If Gavin meant that, he didn't show it. Perhaps one could argue the blushing, smiling and wide eyes filled with adoration were all a ruse to hide his murderous intent. If that was the case, Freelancer had definitely fallen for (him) it.

Unfortunately for Gavin, Freelancer had one last card up their sleeve.

"And what are you going to do, Gavin? Fuck me to death?"

What were they here for again? Magic history tutoring? A movie date? Finishing the leftover pizza and wings they ordered the last time Gavin was over?

It didn't matter anymore, because Gavin was forcing them out of their seat, grabbing their face and kissing them breathless. All while maneuvering the both of them into their bedroom.

When Freelancer took a breath, they were on top of Gavin, legs on either side of his waist, one hand pinning one of his arms down while the other was resting on his chest. They stared at him as they felt his chest falling and rising, his heart beating beneath their touch.

They remembered what that meant, when a demon took the time to form a heart beat with magic. Slowly, they leaned down to kiss his chest, right where a real heart would be if he was human.

They looked up at him, and in their brief eye contact, Freelancer thanked him. For his help with DAMN stuff, for trusting them enough to be this vulnerable with his emotions.

For being in their life.

If Freelancer was asked if they started to cry in that moment, hiding it from Gavin by meeting his lips with their own again, they'd say it was drool.

[grimaldiapologist]

woke up three hours ago and all I've done is roll around in bed thinking about the Roman Empire

[confoodles]

Does anyone else feel like Aylinluna was horribly out of character this episode?? I've heard that apparently some things were cut, so that might be the reason but it still felt weird. Like ur telling me Luna, who has literally been so respectful of Aylin's boundaries literally even last episode, is suddenly forcing her to go out of her comfort zone?? Okay, fine, I understand the concept of wanting ur gf to get along with ur friends, but ur telling me Luna wouldn't stand up for Aylin when someone is clearly getting in her face and making her uncomfortable?? That she would call her an ALIEN??!!!

[servospawn]

i've noticed a bit of discourse over the span of me being back here about peer recognition &what that does to a person's mental on socials.

idk if it's because of my inactivity or because i've just been on tumblr for 10+ years but it really puzzles me when i see someone fretting over the amount of notes and/or social engagement their posts seem to lack. of course we as humans love peer recognition &validation but i'd hate to think that's all some people care to focus on when it comes to their blogs.

i think we all should be posting whatever we want without trying to calculate how many notes we'll receive on any one single post because that's setting yourself up for disappointment. if you're a simblr.. i'd like to assume you came here because you enjoy playing your game, creating content or using it as a creative outlet to express your form of individuality.. the notes in this case should sort of act as a bonus.

people have lost their heads.. ranting in txt posts about their content "flopping" or feeling like they don't belong here.. &it's just like.. take a deep breath.. it's okay.. you'll survive. also idk what flopping is when it comes to simblr, because.. if i get anywhere between 10-100 notes from loyal followers that have engaged with me from day 1, can recognize my OCs &are genuinely paying attention to what's going on (because they care that much).. that's a hell of a lot more rewarding to me than amassing 500-1k notes because a popular simblr randomly decided to reblog me that day.

please learn to love your game, your blogs, your cc & yourself. because what's the point of notes if you're not even genuinely happy with your game in the first place? you'll continue to have unrealistic expectations &end up in that rabbithole of forcing yourself to do tzrs, spam liking &reblogging others just to get that in return &trust me it comes off super fake &people will notice that too.