#what other people think of me is none of my business
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Wait, I have so much to say about it that it frightens myself.
First: this is true. No arguing.
BUT
I have actively working to get rid of my self-sabotage habits for last 10 years. And oh, what a wonder: I got and still get accused for being selfish, full of myself, thinking too much of myself. Surprisingly none of people I have asked for help were angry or disappointed or whatever. But other people who were just bystanders - oh, they were. "So, other people must help you to live? Who even are you to expect that???"
I don't reject praise but if I seek attention for a work that is not absolutely perfect, guess what people say? Bad things. You wrote a book and want it to be reviewed? Well, from time to time book sounds like badly translated from English - for example this one phrase. Bro, it was this only phrase! I even thought about it and decided that as it was joke about publicity in USA diner, I can leave it! Why you concentrate on this one phrase that is not perfect? Because I HAVE to be perfect to be good?
No one actually says bad things about me if I say no. BUT. If I'm not active, not on the picture, if I take care of MY need to be alone and rest, no one remembers me. Isolating myself when hurt? Not exactly, I am isolated to take care of my needs, but if I seek attention and help when hurt, most people are: "Nope. To say good things when asked is not sincere, not can do." Or "I'm kinda busy right now." Or they say nothing. Just ignore me. If I want to be part of circle, I HAVE to participate in the events. Other people? Hey, they have many more circles, this one is not an important one even. But I have only two main circles. if I pass the possibility to do more there, people just ... forget about me. And that's true, not just my own imagination.
So it's not self-sabotage that person should stop and live happily ever after. It's actually trying to fit in with other people, to be what they want you to be. So that they would accept you.
Yes, most people does not help you anyway. They just criticize. You can't be liked by everyone. And maybe sometimes to be in the pack is not even worth the trouble. But to try to fit in, to be loved and liked is natural. I am extreme introvert and diagnosed autist and still I have this drive to fit in. Not just a self-sabotage. More like trying to be what others want, even if it's hurting myself.
Ok, I don't watch news. Maybe this is only self-sabotage =)
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Beetlejuice clearly wasn't interested in Lydia when they met, so when do you think he actually fell for her? Was he so impressed by Lydia defeating him that he developed a little crush?
i think this might be the biggest thing i've been turning around in my head since the sequel dropped. how did bro get to this point. i need to know. you weren't like this where we left off, what happened during that huge time gap????
this is where canon ends and conjecture begins, you just have to theorize and fill in the gaps yourself with whatever makes the most sense to you, which is what i've been trying to do this whole time. so please bear with me here.
i don't know how much i want share or save for my comics because i don't know how much he would actually reveal about this but whatever we ball
edit: ok so i scrolled back up to this after finishing writing this and as it turns out i have no self control and i ended up sharing everything that crossed my mind. craziest stream of consciousness i've ever written down. strap on and keep your limbs inside the ride at all times. whatever. we BALL.
let's review their first encounter from his point of view:
you're hired to scare the deetzes, right? so you do just that. excellently you might add. just when you're about to terrorize their teenage daughter, barbara banishes you and the party is over. what fucking losers right? you get the sense that adam and barbara care about this girl so you make some remark about her and it pisses them off. haha. also whoa where did this place come from? damn adam, who could've guessed he had it in him. you forget about everything else and dance your way to dante's inferno room.
after spending a respectably tasteful evening with those ladies, you're chill now. relaxing under your little sun lamp to work on your tan.
someone walks in looking for adam and barbara. don't they know they're dead?
"are you a ghost too?"
"i'm the ghost with the most, babe."
hold on a sec, who's even—
...well hey. it's the girl.
the girl who can see ghosts, and she's talking to you.
target acquired. this one's your ticket out of this hellhole.
"you look like somebody i can relate to," you tell her. relate how? doesn't matter. you're ensnaring her with your affable demeanor like you always do, make people feel like you're pals with them first and foremost. she seems like a nice girl, so this should be easy. you tell her upfront that you want to get out of there and you need her help to do so.
"i want to get in," she says.
whoa there.
what? she wants to get in? she says that in response to you saying that you wanted out. she really has no idea what it's like on the other side, huh. but shit, that kinda stops you in your tracks a bit. this girl wants to die. this young? that's not right. makes no sense.
"...why?"
she just looks at you and says nothing. jesus. ok maybe it's none of your business so let's back it up. you're losing control of the conversation and you're on a mission here. you figure if she helps you get out, you might as well talk her off that ledge or show her how shitty it is on the other side or somethin'. frankly, you can't afford to care right now. you're not entirely sure why she thinks things would be better on the side you're so desperate to get out of, but alright. doesn't matter, right now you gotta get her to summon you. so you begin your little game of charades.
after she correctly guesses your name and almost says it a third time, she recognizes you as the snake that terrorized her family. god fucking dammit. you're losing her. you're getting impatient. your affable act is over. "nah...i want to talk to barbara," she says and now she's REALLY getting on your nerves because fuck barbara, fuck adam, you're SO CLOSE to getting out and you're not gonna let this go now, go go GO GO SAY IIIIIIITTTTTTT
adam and barbara walk in because of course they do. womp womp
ok well that didn't work, but you're not gonna give up so easily. sooner or later another opportunity will come and soon you will be free.
wait why are they moving the model— where are they taking it—
ooohhhhh. business meeting. get a load of these yuppies, trying to turn winter river into a town-sized Ripley's Believe it or Not. a talking marcel marceau statue? and you thought you were a con man. no wonder the deetz girl wants to die, it's bleak as hell here too. but if you get out...you can fix that. hell, you can fix anything.
these bozos are here to see some ghosts, but the girl says they're not going to show up unless the fleshbags stop making a mockery out of the whole thing and that maybe they can all live happy together in the house. ain't that sweet.
of course no one's taking her seriously. she's a kid, what does she know, right? they'd rather listen to the most obnoxious guy in the room (besides yourself) who has no idea what the fuck he's talking about, but somehow, he's got his hands on the handbook.
the girl panics, then immediately says completely deadpan "wait, what am i even worried about, otho, you can't even change a tire" and you're surprised they didn't hear how hard you cackled at that.
despite all that, they seem to have started a séance with their old wedding clothes. bad news for the maitlands. they're about to be dead-dead. the girl cries for them to stop, and these guys are just sitting there scared shitless. you're hearing everything. you knew a new opportunity would arise, so you wait, because this is the part where people remember how good at your job you are. they always do.
she knows you can help. you're the only one who can help. so here she comes. those wedding clothes give you an idea. plan B is now in motion.
well well well.
look who came crawling back.
she asks for your help, and you're happy to oblige, under one condition of course. after all, you don't do anything for free, and she's the only one who can help you with your problem. how serendipitous.
once again, you lay it on her, straight up. you want out. and a way to do it (thanks adam and barbara for the reminder) is through marriage with a fleshbag. you need to get married. a green card marriage, if you will.
she's immediately disgusted by the idea. you don't take that personally, of course, because it doesn't matter. she's just a kid and it's not a real marriage. she just happens to be unlucky enough to be the only one around who can assist you with this, the poor girl. it's a marriage of convenience—or rather, inconvenience—and you're not planning on sticking around because you will get the hell out of there as soon as you can. so there shouldn't be a problem, right? besides, does she know how many women would kill to be in that position? she gets to brag about it to her friends, what's not to like? it's a totally even deal.
the clock is ticking and the maitlands aren't getting any younger. she agrees to the deal. you win, at last.
she already knows what to do, so you sit there patiently with a shit-eating grin on your face, awaiting the three little B words. gloating.
Beetlejuice........Beetlejuice...........Beetlejuice.
it's showtime.
this is your favorite part. you love a dramatic entrance. you decide to show the deetzes and their greedy friends the circus they so wanted to turn this town into. horrible as you are, you're also pretty damn good at calling out other people's horribleness, and you do love an ironic karmic way of dealing with someone. for example tubby here thinks he can escape, but not before you change his sleek black suit into a tacky white leisure suit. the horror! this is why you're a professional at this.
you effortlessly end the exorcism and the maitlands are saved. a little pruney right now but they'll be fine. everything is taken care of, you have fulfilled your end of the deal like you promised. only one thing left to do.
"shall we?"
there's really no need to make a whole show out of this, but you're a showman first and foremost and as a 𝒥𝓊𝒾𝓁𝓁𝒾𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓁𝓊𝓂 you'll be damned if you're not gonna let yourself have a little fun with this. everyone looks terrified. this is why you're a professional at this.
witnesses and reverend in place, you can finally begin the ceremony. you're having fun, yes, but let's try to pick up the pace a bit, okay? the closer you get to your goal, the more impatient you get. the girl isn't finding any of this very funny at all and she protests. the maitlands butt in and are now kind of twisting your arm a bit, but you deal with them harmlessly, until they get on your last nerve so you send adam to the model and barbara to saturn. all of this after you honorably fulfilled your end of the bargain and saved the day. jesus christ, are you the only one with some integrity around here or what.
you forget the stupid ring. shit. you're pretty sure you have it on you somewhere, ever since you chopped up delores into pieces for poisoning you. you kept her ring finger as a trophy and as a reminder to never get married again, and yet here you are, but desperate times call for desperate measures. finally, you find the ring (still on her severed finger) and hastily tell your new bride-to-be that delores meant nothing to you. in case she even cares. she doesn't seem to. not even a chuckle? oh well.
almost done with the ceremony. almost there. you're holding the girl's hand with an iron grip to keep her in place as you're about to put that ring on her finger. "i now pronounce you, man and—"
a tiny car crashes against your foot and it catches on fire. you scream. a fucking sandworm crashes into the room through the ceiling. everyone screams. you scream LOUDER.
you're sent back to the afterlife waiting room.
not your first rodeo with a sandworm, but that doesn't make the experience any less shitty. the real annoying part is being in the waiting room again. this could take ages. you're number 9,998,383,750,000 and they're serving number 3 right now. you trick the guy next to you and steal his ticket (number 4) but he's not too pleased about that, so that didn't work.
a long time sitting here it is, then.
movie ends, credits roll.
for reference, that was 1988. winona ryder was 15 when they were filming in 1987 so while lydia doesn't have a confirmed age, i think we can safely assume that she was the same age as winona at the time.
36 years later, it's 2024. or 34 years later, it's 2022. we don't know the exact year because while bob's in memoriam credits scene says 2024 and all the interviews talk about how 36 years have passed in universe as well, there's this other one tiny detail.
jeremy's death passport says he died on march 11, 1999. jane butterfield says he died "23 years ago," putting the movie in 2022. they did film it in 2022 so the math is mathing correctly there. given that the in memoriam scene was more of a joke and jeremy's passport is a canon prop in the movie, i'd say 2022 is the canon year the movie is set in. (small sidenote; the passport also has the roman numerals DCLXVI which is 666. cute detail i loved it)
in the sequel, beetlejuice says lydia has been ignoring him for 30 years. i always thought that was curious because outside of this claim, they always specify how many years exactly have passed since. he doesn't say 34 or 36, he says 30. and for his degree of obsession (and the fact that he remembers exactly how many times he's watched The Exorcist) i think he would be counting even the days so i think he did really mean 30 years. so this would mean at least 4 years passed between getting sent back to the waiting room and the beginning of his stalking.
AND NOW that we established all that, we are finally getting to the answer to the question, "when and how did this all start?"
so okay, he spent a while in the waiting room. a lot of time to think. probably replaying the events at the deetzes' in his head over and over, how he got here, where he fucked up, what's he gonna do once he gets out. cursing the maitlands for ruining his plan when he was soooo fucking close. wondering what ever happened to lydia deetz.
lydia deetz, the young girl who told him she wanted to die.
...
is she alright?
i don't think he's capable of feeling guilt, but we can probably argue that he's not entirely heartless. what she said about how she wanted to "get in" must've stuck with him from the way he reacted when she dropped that bomb. she never showed up in the waiting room so he knows she didn't follow through with that. still, he used a vulnerable young girl for his own selfish gain. ironically enough, he knows exactly how that feels, because he also got tricked into marriage and got used for someone else's gain. the difference being that he dealt with that shit with an axe.
much much much to think about for mr. juice.
after years of ruminating in that waiting room, he's finally out and back to the regular day to day afterlife. definitely gets chewed out by juno, maybe forced to do community service or labor or what have you, he basically just needs to clean up his act now. this freelancing shit is becoming more trouble than it's worth anyway.
he's still wondering about lydia deetz. should he check in on her? maybe he should, he's too curious now.
at this point, lydia is now about 19-21 and in college. maybe he manages to sneak into the model one time she's back home for the holidays or something. and oh my god would you look at that, what a beautiful young woman she's grown into. she's radiant. she's happy. she's no longer that gloomy suicidal kid he met in the attic. seems like what she said about the deetzes and the maitlands sharing the house did come true after all.
that's nice. very sweet. good to know.
maybe he wonders if she remembers him and tries to get her attention somehow, give her a little scare for old times sake or whatever. for a brief moment it seems like she saw something and her expression changes, but she shrugs it off and continues on chatting with her two sets of parents. no such luck.
oh well. curiosity sated! and beetlejuice goes back home and doesn't return.
until the next time he returns.
and he keeps coming back to check in on her, telling himself he's just making sure that she hasn't killed herself or something. and he's not above admitting that with every year that passes, she keeps getting more beautiful. and to think they almost got married, huh.
he constantly tries to get her to notice him somehow, and sometimes she almost does, but ultimately he never really succeeds beyond making her do a double take. very rarely she does catch a glimpse of him. he's seen her mutter to herself that she's just seeing things and she seems a bit frightened every time this happens, but there's nothing to fear, honey, it's just good ol' beetlejuice. he won't lie, he gets a bit of a rush every time and it makes his dead heart beat faintly. he's gotten this far, he can't just stop now. in his mind, this has become their little private game of cat and mouse, where the mouse ignores the cat. but aren't they cute? he thinks they're cute. this is not creepy at all!
before he realizes, he's already learned everything about her. he knows about richard and even watched their wedding from afar like a loser. he knows she gave birth to a healthy baby girl named astrid. he knows they have a blast on halloween. halloween is lydia's favorite holiday, and his too. sometimes he can't help but see the three of them happy together and think it could've totally been him. even if he and richard are nothing alike (in fact could not be more opposite) and the circumstances of their unholy wedding were nothing short of grim and a farce. but in his mind, he's starting to convince himself otherwise.
maybe it's his jealousy speaking, but lydia doesn't seem to be that happy with richard despite everything. even though richard is like, the perfect guy. then one day his suspicions are proven correct: neither of them knows why it happened, but after having a long and emotional talk (that he watched with a bucket of popcorn) they decide to get a divorce. he pumps his fist, feeling victorious for some reason. sure he's a little sadistic at times, but why is this giving him so much glee?
the divorce is hard on lydia's kid, who was always more attached to her father, but they still spend a lot of time together. sometimes the three of them, since richard and lydia kept things amicable after the divorce. lydia tries to move on and see other people, but each relationship fails before it even starts. mostly because she keeps holding back and so fails to connect with anyone else, but also sometimes because, well, he can't help himself but to scare them away from her from time to time. it's fun. in his mind, he's just being protective of her, as a gentleman should for a lady.
then richard dies. fell into a piranha infested river from the looks of it (he saw him at immigration one day, don't ask what he was doing around there, force of habit after constantly making sure lydia hasn't killed herself yet.) it's devastating for both lydia and astrid, straining their relationship even more for the next few years as they both try to cope with the loss. the shock proves to be too much for lydia, so she goes to a survivors retreat to work through her trauma, both from richard's death and "unresolved feelings."
then lydia, at her most vulnerable, meets rory.
beetlejuice was able to clock him immediately. a textbook manipulative opportunist, he himself knows the tactics very well. swoop in to "help" someone in a vulnerable position, pull the wool over their eyes and begin taking control so you can get what you want out of that person.
he wouldn't admit it, but this really irks beetlejuice. you know when you see someone who reminds you of the worst parts of yourself, so you despise them? yeah. he's been there, and he's also been him.
but rory is somehow even worse than beetlejuice. see, rory is her manager, and boy does he manage to get on his nerves. he takes her phone. he controls what medication she takes. he blames and guilt trips her about every mishap that HE causes, making himself look like her benevolent savior and making her feel like she would be lost without him, confusing her with his psychobabble. on top of all that, he's forcing her to do this hacky show called Ghost House where she "hunts ghosts" or whatever. the houses he's been helping newly-deads with in his day job as a bio-exorcist (now with a fleet of employees,) she's "hunting" those ghosts now. it's so dumb. it never works. beetlejuice doesn't even know what the hell she's doing, she's phoning it in most of the time and she knows she's become a sellout. what happened to that "strange and unusual" girl who stood up for her ghost friends when those suits wanted to profit off of them back in winter river?
he needs to bring that back. he's the only one who can.
in his mind, beetlejuice has already rewritten the events that transpired. in his mind, lydia has been his wife this entire time, it's just, y'know, one of those open long distance relationships and she doesn't always remember him, but that's okay. in his mind, they share a psychic bond that allows her to sense his presence or see him in her dreams from time to time. he's got nothing to be jealous about, because other men can't compare. no one else can match what they have.
sure, part of him knows he's lying to himself a little bit. but he's already clung to this idea; these past 30 years wouldn't make sense otherwise. he's in love with lydia deetz. this isn't insane of him to say at all. and if it is, well, you know what they say, love makes you do batshit crazy things.
it's not that complicated, no matter what they say you'll never meet another me it's not that difficult to get my head around i'll never meet another you
the end
don't trick me into writing a fanfic again
#beetlejuice#beetlejuice beetlejuice#lydia deetz#beetleposting#beetlebabes#<- added for those who would prefer to not see this stuff but i didn't intend this to be a shippy post#spoilers: it's very one sided. but it IS all from his POV so you can kinda expect him to be...him#if you're a shipper who's just checking the tag then uhhh hi! i feel like i'm intruding lmao
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Please Don't leave pt.2
(Light at the end of the tunnel)
Summary: where ingrid and mapi try to mend the forces , leading alexia to explain herself to you.
Contains: angst ,fluff ,polyamory and a little suggestive at the end
Word count : 1.3k
The next few days were a whirlwind of emotions .
You cried about it. You sobbed and cried, but eventually accepted the fact that you weren't enough for them .
Your manager was contacting multiple teams for your "loan" that you were hoping to turn into a full transfer. The teams interested were Manchester City ,Arsenal , Real Madrid, and Chelsea , along with a few other European teams .
Today , you had a meeting with the team manager to actually talk about if you really wanted to transfer.
Your plans were deranged when a fan account posted about your possible transfer from Barcelona to Manchester .
Word got around quickly, and surely enough,your teammate started flooding your messages ,questions you throughly in the team group chat.
You decided to just ignore them and talk it over at practice.
So , you got up ,went into the shower whilenoncall with your best friend from back home ,telling her about your situation.
This led to her talking and intense amount of shit about the girls and telling you that she was there for you.
A few hours later
You arrived at practice with the intention to ignore everyone .
You parked your car at your designated parking spot and went to the trunk of your car to get your bag .
When you walked into the training ground ,you were greeted by the media woman asking you what your phone wallpaper was ,you quickly showed it to her ,telling her that I was a picture of you and your bestfried ,alya,from back home after your graduation.
You sighed and then continued your way to practice ,making sure that it was a normal ,civil, and calm day ,avoiding anyone and everyone who tried to mention that rumours about your transfer .
Until patri came up to you in the middle of practice and started interrogating you about the post , which led pina to start questioning you too while the while team listened in ,especially two girls who were hoping that the rumours were not true.
"For the last time, Claudia, I'm not telling you anything right now ." You rolled your eyes at the girl for what felt like the 100th time today and walked away .
You marched into the locker room with full intention of packing your bag and rescheduling your meeting until a certain blonde walked in with an unrecognisable look on her face.
"Why are you leaving ?" The captain asks .
"None of your business, alexia." You snapped at her .
"I know something is wrong." You went quiet ."You can talk to me, nena."
You let out a loud scoff ," I clearly can't," you said while rolling your eyes at the captain as you got up to storm away .
"Come o-" you immediately cut her off with a yell ."Just stop ,alexia! I heard what you said at the team bonding night ,so you can stop pretending and say what you have to say to my face instead of talking ahit behind my back!" You borderline yelled at your captain and stormed out of the room with your training bag in hand.
Later that evening, a knock sounded at your door ,you swung the door open with annoyance painted on your face only to be met with the only two people you didn't want to talk to at all.
You rolled your eyes at them before trying to close the door only to be stopped by the one and only ingrid engen who shoved her foot between them and the door.
"We need to talk." Maria said as she walked into your apartment. "Please don't leave ,cari"
"Oh ,I think we're done talking." You exclaimed."I think the way you laughed at me when alexia was joking was enough talk for me."
"Wait ,wha-"
"You can save it .you know, I actually thought that you guys liked me . It was so obvious that I had the biggest crush on you guys ,and you were always - what I thought was - flirting with me .and I really liked you guys up until I heard you guys laughing at some cruel joke about me." Tears were starting to prick up in your eyes as they stinger them, but you kept calm and carried the weight of the rift.
Mapi eventually stopped your rant ."Look,cari, what you walked in on was not what you think it was . It's actually a really fucked up miscommunication about a really embarrassing conversation. We were talking about football .we were talking about the double tackle we did on Monday, and it turned into sex talk about tops and bottoms, and alexia was claiming that ..."
"Claiming what?"
"She was claiming that we would top you..." ingrid said in a hushed whishper as embarrassment flooded her body.
A moment of silence passes .it was a minute ,then two ,and then your laughter filled the air .
You were full on crying of laughter as mapi and ingrid just stared at you in confusion .
"What the fuck" you said in between breaths while still wheezing from laughter ."God, this is so ridiculous. "
"Are you still going to leave Barcelona?" Mapi asked.
"Ugh,I don't know .I've been in contact with a few teams, but I can pull out of it anytime before next week.".
"Can we get you not to leave?" Ingrid questioned
"I would take a lot of stuff for me not to go." You said truthfully .
"Stuff like this..?" You looked at the raven haired girl confused until she pulled you in and planted her lips on yours .
The kiss was electric , passionate, and perfect. Her soft lips moved against yours in the most glamorous way ever ,like you guys were meant to be.
It's only when you hear mapi whine that you moved back away from ingrid and then pulled into another kiss from Maria.
Her lips were like candy on yours as you easily melted into a rhythm with her .She moved her lips just right and snuck her tongue into your mouth while pulling you over her lap .
You pulled away for a breath of air but then got quickly pulled back in as ingrid started gently kissing your neck.
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Sorry that this one is a bit of a short one ! Next chapter will be about 5k words of just fluff and smut ;)
Tags :@marvelwomen-simp , @iamagoddess1
#womens football#woso soccer#woso x reader#barca femeni#woso fanfics#woso imagine#spain wnt#woso community#mapi leon#mapi leon imagine#mapi leon x reader#ingrid engen x reader#ingrid engen
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Osamu Dazai X GN!Reader
Word Count: 1425
Requested: Anon
Request: Can you write dazai x reader who got injured but tries to hide it?
Dazai didn’t often care for other people. In fact they were often disposable pawns in his plans unless they were part of the ADA. You started off as the target of a mission, later becoming a member of the ADA due to your ability to track and follow people. Your ability allows you to mark up to 3 people to track and follow unnoticed, however you have to have seen the person before and marked them while they were in your sight.
Dazai didn’t think much of you at first, that is until you were ordered to track and follow him to make sure that he didn’t get into anything that he couldn’t handle. This led to you finding out about his previous profession.
You don’t know what tips Dazai off but he found out that you knew and you were minding your own business on your way home when he ambushed you “There you are.” He said as he fell into step next to you. “I’ve been in the same building as you all day Dazai.” You reminded him, rolling your eyes as you continued on your way home. “Mmm, never alone though.” He smirked as he watched you frown as if trying to figure something out. “Is there something that I can help you with?” You asked, turning off the main road towards your small apartment building. “Help me with?” Dazai repeated the question to himself before moving forward in a burst of speed pressing you to the wall behind you. “Actually there is something that you can help me with.” “What’s that?” You asked, he would have been confused by your ability to brush off his actions, if he wasn’t sure that you had been sent by someone worse than him. “Who sent you to watch me?” He asked. “The boss.” You answered. “He wanted me to make sure that you didn’t get into anything that you couldn’t handle, I assume he was worried about your past coming back to haunt you.” “You expect me to believe that?” He asked. “I don’t, honestly I’m surprised that it took you so long to accuse me of being an enemy.” Dazai had the physical edge, he was bigger and stronger than you were, he had more experience than you did in fighting and in extension killing people so your only option was to answer all of his questions. “You don’t seem worried about it.” He informed you and you shrugged. “I’m not worried, honestly I’ve never put much stock in living.” You answered “not in the sense that I don’t value my life but more in the sense that I know how fragile it is and how infinitely stupid it is of me to think that I can stop it from breaking.” Dazai stopped, almost like something had opened up to him, something you had opened up to him, he stepped back away face cast down as his shoulders began to shake. Then a real and rich laugh pulled from his lips, he waved at you before turning and walking away leaving you confused.
The next morning he greeted you like an old friend and was with you any time that he could be, leaning over you, ruffling your hair, whispering in your ear or initiating some form of contact. It became so normal in the following years that none of the other members questioned it or knew how to explain it to the new additions even when it settled into a relationship.
While Dazai was forever looking for a way to exit stage left in the play of life, he was very aware of your ability to find danger without really looking. He never liked when you were on missions alone (which meant he didn’t like you going on missions) but never said anything because that would be hypocritical and he had no time to argue with you.
The true trouble rose with the addition of Atsushi who brought with him the Mafia interference, you were given the task of following Atsushi and reporting back when someone made a move for the bounty. Unfortunately the first time that it happened, they sent Akutagawa and he did not waste time, you realised that you needed to buy more time for them to get there, so despite the fact that you had no fighting skill you jumped into the fray after Atsushi, Niaomi and Junichiro were both knocked out. “You are?” Akutagawa asked as he looked over to where you landed. “Me… I’m just a friend.” You answered. “Mm.” He hummed as he knocked you away from Junichiro, your head and back knocking against the wall of the alley. “Damn.” You groaned, pushing yourself up from the floor. “I would say it’s impressive the beating that you can take but it seems that’s all you're good for.” Now he was looking down at you. “I’m good for a distraction.” You muttered pushing up onto your hands and knees as he frowned. “What?” He asked. “That’s enough Akutagawa.” Dazai spoke, everything seemed to freeze for a second before Akutagawa turned to the man that had spoken. “You're just as useless as the day I left you.” “Shut up!” Akutagawa lashed out at Dazai who immediately nullified his ability. “Are you okay?” He asked. “Yeah.” You answered pushing to your feet, it only took a few more taunting words from Dazai to get Akutagawa to leave, you helped him get the others back to the office, slinking off to tend to yourself.
You leant against the sink rolling your shoulders and trying to become familiar with the pain that coursed through your shoulders when you moved them, finally deciding that you were ready to face the rest of the day you walked out of the bathroom, coming face to face with Dazai. “Were you waiting for the-” “Are you okay?” He asked. “Yeah I already told you I’m fine.” You answered. “You're sure?” He asked. “Yes.” You answered. “Mmm.” He hummed, you walked past him and back towards the office, he watched you carefully and while he couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary he was sure that there was something.
It was later on that day that you had to admit to the injury, Ranpo had come back to the office and he, like many of the other members, liked to hang off of you like a child and have you catch anything that he can’t. Today was no different “(Y/N)!” Ranpo yelled as he dove at you, luckily you were sitting so the impact of the jump didn’t affect you too much, just started off a dull ache in your shoulder. “Hey Ranpo, how was the case you were assigned to?” You asked. “Easy… They keep saying that they don’t need me but I don’t know what they would do without me.” Ranpo muttered thoughtfully as he unwrapped one of his many sweets. “What about you? What did you do?” “Got in a fight.” You answered. “But you can’t fight.” A look of disapproval took over his face as you shrugged, flinching but that went unnoticed by everyone except for Dazai who had been watching you closely. “Mmm, someone had to distract the threat and save the day.” You joked, he giggled with you and easily moved on. Dazai came over the moment that Ranpo changed his attention to someone else, he grabbed your hand and pulled you with him. “Where are we going?” Dazai didn’t answer, instead he pulled you back to the restroom of the office, guiding you in and locking the door. “Show me.” He ordered. “Show you?” You repeated letting confusion slip into your tone. “He hurt your shoulder didn’t he?” He asked. “It’s nothing, just a bruise.” You answered. “Did Yasano tell you that?” He asked. “I can see a bruise, Dazai.” You grumbled and he gestured for you to turn, you did as you were told and Dazai helped you gently move your arm out of the sleeve and lifted your shirt to show him your shoulder. His fingers gently run over it watching your reaction before nodding to himself. “We’re still going to Yasano.” He informed you. “For what?” You asked, turning to look at him and shoving your arm through the sleeve and regretting the action immediately. “For something for the pain.” He answered, pressing a kiss to your temple “at least do that.” “Fine… Fine.” You agreed leaning into him, he gave you a second before unlocking the door and leading you to the doctor.
Request Here!!
#bungo stray dogs x reader#bungo stray dogs imagine#bungo stray dogs#osamu dazai oneshot#osamu dazai imagine#osamu dazai#imagine#oneshot#one shot#reader insert#x reader#gender neutral reader#gn reader
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I'm at a point where my body is the size it wants to be. It's the biggest it's ever been, but it's consistent.
I was only able to "maintain" a smaller size by constantly monitoring and restricting and overthinking what I ate. Constantly eating just enough to not be hungry, but trying to hide my constant vigilance lest someone think I have an eating disorder, because those are bad and I'm not doing a bad I'm just obsessing about staying in clothes with a smaller number.
So, yes, for me, it is less work to be fatter because I'm not fighting my body. I could work tirelessly to be smaller, but that's not good for me physically, mentally, or emotionally. And anyone who'd prefer I fight my body instead of letting it be what it wants to be isn't actually "concerned about my health," they're just being mean and anti-fat, which is definitely not good for me or them.
So the best thing anyone can do is just accept that other people's bodies are none of your business and leave them be. Go in peace. 😌
But if you so see someone telling someone else what to do with their body, feel free to tell them to shut up and mind their business.
A core feature of anti-fatness is the "you did this to yourself"-view. People are very invested in the idea that size is within everyone's control. It's soothing to believe that all fat people are a small series of good choices away from becoming thin and staying that way, and that thin people are success stories by virtue of existing.
Any time we speak up about discrimination and fatphobia, someone inevitably plays that card. Trolls will say "eat a salad, pig" and well-meaning health nuts will gently explain what calories are. In either case, we're met with a "you know, you can stop this at any time." Why, if nobody was fat, thin people wouldn't need to examine their biases! It sure would be an easier time for everyone if we weren't so Around and Bulliable!
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Criminal Sentences, Vol. 21
(Sentences from various sources for criminals and/or dangerous muses. Adjust phrasing where needed)
"Wait a minute! You used me as bait?"
"Do you approve of assassination?"
"You know, for a moment this afternoon, I really thought you were going to betray me."
"We're going to go to prison for this!"
"I know what you did."
"If you're a con artist, you're a damn good one!"
"Is there a human being in the trunk?"
"I take no joy in this."
"How can you be so cold?"
"You seem to have forgotten who's in charge here."
"You do realise that if they catch you, they will kill you?"
"I don't care to have my secrets exposed to the world. Can you understand that?"
"Are you forgetting you tried to kill me?"
"If you think I'm the type who won't shoot you in the back, you're wrong."
"You haven't killed anybody in months!"
"If once is a mistake and twice is unfortunate, what does that make this?"
"You wouldn't hurt me, would you?"
"It is very dangerous for you to start thinking for yourself."
"We execute traitors. Didn't you know that?"
"I'm warning you once: stay away from things that are none of your business."
"You know, psychopaths are extremely skilled at imitating human emotions. It's how they manipulate other people, or how they gain power over their environment."
"By now, you should know that no one in our business is ever who he says he is."
"When do you ever worry about doing something wrong?"
"Relax. You'll live. I just need you compliant."
"If you want to make an omelette, you have to kill some people."
"You may just be the most gullible fool I've ever marked. "
"Don't ever defy me again."
"Shoot him, but don't kill him."
"Tell me something; is this the first time you've negotiated with someone like me?"
"The taking of a human life is just intoxicating."
"Exciting? People are dying! I don't think exciting is the word I'd use to describe it!"
"When do you get so fragile?"
"Pass the blowtorch! This safe isn't going to open itself!"
"Aren't you afraid of being alone up here with a killer?"
"What is it about you? A death wish?"
"I could get used to being rich."
"I'll give you a choice. You can walk out of here and never come back, keep your mouth shut... The other choice, I don't think I need to go into much detail about."
"You wouldn't want me to make it too easy for you, would you?"
"You don't trust anybody, do you?"
"Don't think; just shoot!"
"What makes you think I want to kill anybody again?"
#rp meme#rp memes#roleplay meme#roleplay memes#rp prompts#roleplay prompts#sentence starters#assorted;#criminal;
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Going into detail about how I feel about all of my friends:
School friends
Gym:
-S: she's nice, but sometimes she says or does something that kinda makes me feel like that wasn't nice or that wasn't necessary and some things about her tick me off but I love her
Socials:
-m: I fucking hate you. I'm only still talking to you cuz I don't want to be alone in that class. You're such a bitch. Every class you call me stupid, and I started acting like I didn't understand your jokes but I do. That one time you called me an ogre? I think about that every time I look in the mirror. Die.
-g: you're so nice. I don't really talk to you but you're chill
Engineering:
-a: you're so funny ily
-m: sometimes you do or say things that annoy me, but you're cool
-a: you're funny and nice.
-j: you're funny and cool
-h: I love talking shit with you and you're so fun to play mobile games with at lunch
Science:
-S: you're such a dick. I'm only friends with you because if I leave you I won't be able to eat lunch with j, and I'll have nobody. But you make mean comments about people and have made me and my friend cry before.
English:
-m: ily you're so nice. I wish I sat beside you so I could talk to you more
-n: you're nice, but your humor hurts me sometimes. You tell me to kms a lot as a joke and sometimes I lowkey debate it
French:
-j: ily. You let me yap about Jeremy and Evan and literally anything I want and you don't really judge
Art and Jewlery:
-t: you're so pretty and kind. Literally trust you sm and I became friends with you in September
-h: sometimes you do things that make me feel like you're not nice, but other than that you're okay
-k: you're nice 👍
-o: you were literally my friend crush for the longest time I love your style and your art
People I eat lunch with:
-a: You're so nice
-a: sometimes you say things I don't agree with, but you're pretty okay
-b: I feel so bad for you when we're talking shit about arianna cuz you're the only one friends with her and none of us really like her
-d: I literally love you so much. You're my best friend. I love your cat and your dog and I love your parents and I feel like I'm a part of your family. I hope we move out together after high school and we blast theater kid music all day and I love calling you and being around you.
Online friends:
Tumblr:
@alchemicalwerewolf
You're so cool and I love talking to you and I love seeing your posts and spamming your ask box
@steph-schuyler
I'm so excited for our art collab. You're so cool
@afireformyheart
I love telling you about all my crushes and I love bugging you about random shit while you're busy
@ilov3b00kss0much
Ik I met you today but I loved talking to you
@th3p0rtalmaker
I love talking to you. Idk what it is it's just so satisfying.
@tatelangdonsgirl
I know we don't really talk anymore but I love seeing your tiktoks. You're so pretty and I really love when we spend all night texting.
All my other tumblr mutuals:
I love seeing your posts. Idc if we don't talk. I love you guys too
Tiktok/snapchat friends:
-E: ily. You're so funny and I love calling you
-N: I don't really know you but I'm glad I met you
-A: you were my best friend for a year straight. I would eat sleep and breathe you. I would wake up thinking about you and go to bed thinking about you. Then you spaced away and wouldn't tell me why. Then you replaced me. And it really hurt. And no matter how much I try, it'll never be the same.
#vent kinda?#i eat lunch with more people but if i already put them in classes i didnt repeat it#thought daughter activities#none of my non tumblr friends have tumblr#sooo#also i have math too as a block but i dont have any friends in it#and i didnt add any ex friends or enemies#but people i currently talk to
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I dont need to say anything
If it's true, it will be known
#im high#and thinking so many thoughts#too many thoughts#they dont need to be spelled out#they can just exist#its fine#don't worry about it#you have nothing to fix#it doesn't matter if ur right or wrong#dick talking#best outcome is to forever not say anything#you didnt do anything#you didnt come onto him#you didn't flirt with him#you didn't do anything#you need to learn you don't need to love everyone that shows you a little bit of affection#you'll find people who actually and actually want you#you dont need to settle or force yourself to think of others#or force yourself into thinking the other person likes you#youre allowed to just have friends#you can be upset that he doesn't like you like that back#but you don't need to say anything about it#you dont need confirmation#or closure#you're overthinking it regardless#just let things be#what other people think of me is none of my business#let them tell me#i am not a mind reader#neither are they
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sorry to say but barty + the rosier twins are in love and i’ve thought about nothing else since yesterday
#barty growing up in a family where love and affection is only for show and for the public image#a quiet and strict home where love only comes if someone important is watching#and then barty stumbling into this other family dynamic with the rosier twins#where they love each other in every concievable way#a sibling dynamic that knows no boundaries when it comes to love and intimacy#but its all behind closed doors#rather than the pretend love and intimacy his father holds above barty for the public eye#instead it’s behind closed doors and no boundaries and theirs and real#barty being so possessive over them because they’re his <3#no one is allowed to know them and see them like he gets to know and see them#they both end up dating barty and people talk and people think it’s weird#but they’ll never KNOW and that’s what important to them#people might talk but they’ll never actually know or understand the way they do#pan and ev don’t consider themselves dating or even in love#they already love each other because they’re twins. in every possible way#they’re already together too because they’re twins. calling it something so mundane as ’dating’ wouldn’t cover it#they’re just a unit and they love each other and want each other and barty love them and they love him <3#the polar opposite of bartys family and stumbling into ev and pans family dynamic#makes me insane#makes me EMOTIONAL#and barty being so protective of it#protective over pan and ev but also protective over all three of them#that’s his family :’) and his loves :’)#i dont even think they tell reg what their relationship turns into#everyone knows barty is dating both of them#and everyone talks#but no one will ever know#reg eventually does think he knows#and has a ’none of my business’ attitude about it#bartyrosiers
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Ok one thing I want to say is as a trans man I’m personally uncomfortable if a lesbian wants to date me. However I don’t mind trans men who do date lesbians because that’s totally cool, I just wish people wouldn’t make a big fuss about it when I say that “I” don’t want to (im super attracted to men being one reason) and my childhood best friend who’s a lesbian is cool with it too
yeah!! it always confuses me when people say lesbians or trans men "can't do xyz," because you know. people CAN do whatever they want regardless of sexuality. and when people ask you if you if you think they can it's like....yes?? because they have free will?? I can't control someone's personal decisions??
#and then take that to mean you think ALL should and are forcing them into it#like. no. im aware most wouldn't. I just don't care about what a small portion is doing because it's none of my business#what their doing has nothing to do with me or anyone else for that matter. go worry about something else#trans men who date lesbians aren't invalidating other trans men who wouldn't because. they're separate people#and what one is doing says nothing about another#I hate this idea that if my experience with a label is different from others under the same label I'm somehow. invalidating them??#no. im not. because we're two different people. that have nothing to do with each other. how insecure can you get#that you think other people's identities invalidate your own#mind your own business#asks#idk what to tag this as
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no room for pretentious people in my life!!!! you will not stop me!!!! im living life and doing things!!!!
#I use to shy away from doing things in fear of being judged#but now I remind myself it’s none of my business what other people think of me
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Okay this is the *actual* last comment, for real, but I just found out Spider is now smearing me as a convert and accusing me of being involved with drama I was not involved with because he mistakenly attributed my apologies for his public temper tantrum as being about something unrelated.
THIS IS A FALSE ACCUSATION and I do not appreciate having yet another bit of fake malicious intent falsely ascribed to my actions and* attributing a completely unrelated attack to me.
Also, it's very sad and disappointing whenever a Jew gets mad at a convert because something else is going on in the Jew's life and the convert happens to be in the splash zone and the Jew falls over backwards to smear the convert and invalidate her faith.
Just....the childish aggression is making me so, so sad and disappointed, from someone I used to think very highly of, who is now lying about me and publicly smearing me with false accusations based on a conflict he started because he misinterpreted something I said and I went out of my way to give him the benefit of the doubt when trying to clear up the mistake HE MADE that led him to decide bullying and attacking me for three fucking days was appropriate and okay and that I'm the bad guy for saying it's wildly unprofessional to behave like this in public to a former customer face.
Sorry, but facts, reality, linear time and the truth of what I actually said and did are on my side here, and I will not stand for being smeared and attacked and shat all over because I had the gall to try to kindly resolve his uncalled for, unjustified temper tantrum.
I am also not sorry that I left a side note in the tags that it was also unacceptable for HIM to drag his daughter into a stupid internet slapfight based on his own reading comprehension failure. Because it was and is unacceptable, and she needs to hear that message from someone.
End of story. Keep digging that hole as long as you like, Spider. It's not helping your case and is continuing to make you look progressively worse and more unreasonable, and the only person you have to blame is yourself.
youtube
*revised for clarity
#don't buy from nerdykeppie#all receipts are under this tag#if you're so offended because my reporting on the things you say and do makes you look bad maybe the problem is you#this whole thing was completely needless#and yet he is continuing to DARVO me because he's pissed that his usual method of smugly lashing out at people over their poor reading#comprehension doesn't work when it's him who failed to comprehend what I wrote in the first place#also REAL FUCKING INCHRESTING that he's lying about me being involved in the jewvestigation of him so he responds by......jewvestigating me#lol#lashon hara. maybe he should study it sometime.#and maybe he'll learn warning others about poor behavior from a business so they don't waste their money there is not lashon hara#but honestly I doubt it because he's never going to let go of his desperate complex about always being the smartest raddest dude in the roo#it looks pathetic and I think he realizes that or he wouldn't have had such a dramatic extended meltdown over the things *he* said to *me*#I also still find it funny that he has conveniently forgotten to address the whole “hey bud your timeline doesn't add up” part#and I think that's because he knows if he were to address the proof that he didn't remember it correctly he would be forced to admit that h#threw a massive shitfit at someone for no reason because his memory got mixed up#so so funny that he can't come up with an answer for that#almost like! he knows he fucked up bigtime and is scrambling to make himself the victim!#also funny that “worrying about someone who was dragged into a fight by a bully” got twisted into sneakily scheming to turn her against him#I'm not a scheming plotter I'm worried because the behavior you showed your child in public was wildly inappropriate TO HER.#it's sad! It's fucking sad and embarrassing and hypocritical and immature and SAD!#but the pretend me other people are attacking because they made shit up is none of my business#if he wants to keep writing fanfic about me he can go right ahead#because again#the more he talks the worse he looks#the more he digs this hole the deeper he gets mired in his own muck#and it's not my job to bend over backwards to keep him from experiencing the natural consequences of his actions.#I really should learn the lesson that people who are snide assholes in one situation are usually snide assholes across the board#really the worst part is knowing I defended him when he threw tantrums like this before#that's what I regret and feel guilty about: that I backed up his shitty behavior and gave it legitimacuy#that was wrong of me and I'm sorry for every time I jumped in as one of his flying monkeys
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dysgraphic artiƨts risɘ UP!!!!!
#raise your pencils!!!! and erasers. to fix the backwards letters 😔#sorry still thinking about my weirdness with my art professors. yknow a lot of em have been really pushing us as#students to make our personal identities a major part of like our 'brand' as artists#which. well from an art history major perspective thats a very contentious and nuanced topic. i love a lot of artists who live this way#and i think its great seeing my peers who focus on identity thrive. but also as an fine arts major (double major fool LOL)#i keep getting pushed by teachers into like. specific '____ artist' identities???#specificaly woman artist. which is a little bizarre because im a bit fat and a bit gnc so im generally like. ungendered? in day-to-day life#(which doesnt actually matter to me directly that much honestly LOL people tend to view me as like. buddy? buddy or pal.)#(not man. not woman. not anything human. sometimes i remind people of a beloved dog. which. hkdsahjk thats its own can of worms)#(a can of worms that also doesnt matter much to me directly because im a wannabe furry who chose to be the dog when playing house as a kid)#(LOL so um. well. theres that) but yeah i dunno i dont really consider myself a woman artist. its been. shockingly (and sometimes luckily?)#irrelevant to most of my life and experiences and art (although dont get me wrong misogyny is very real and very present) so i dont#have a whole lot to say about it from an art perspective. you could also call me all kinds of things. a queer artist. a mixed race artist#again technically correct. some aspects more visible in my work than others. but also very technical. i focus on race a lot in in my#art historical work but i dunno how much my drawings have to say. except that i keep making too many mixed ocs LOL#i dunno i just think my professors gotta focus that energy away from tokenizing me and over to supporting like actual#capital W Woman artists capital Q Queer artists capital A Artists of Colour who are doing far more interesting things than I#far more thought out and engaged in these topics directly. i just kind of stumble into my art blindly and confused <3#sorry that was a long tangent WHAT IM SAYING Is despite all that: i do consider myself a capital D Dysgraphic artist#i think its an unmovable constant of my art and the way i draw and the way my hands move. the untrained eye doesnt seem to be as aware#of it directly. but those who are familiar can probably see it. the dysgraphia LOL if not just from whenever i write a letter or number#half of them are busted and frantically fixed HDKJSDJDS but its in all my art. if u can see it <3 ive been trying to embrace it#dygraphic artists raise your pencils indeed!! and throw away the eraser!!! make the legibility of your words everyone elses problem!!!#what does that say? what is that sketch? none of my business! none of your business!! its the business of my hand and the pencil alone#motor skill and spatial issues take the wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel
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i can just feel myself starting to give less of a fuck as i reach 25 and you know what thank god
#you would not have caught me posting about this hyperfixation even two years ago i wouldve been too mortified#and i may have STARTED mortified but got over it and you know what! im having a blast#and it's not just w this it's w everything i think i am FINALLY starting in on my era of#i genuinely do not care about what other people think beyond making sure i'm being kind#if they find me annoying or weird thats none of my business
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i've been thinking about it and i'm not cursed at all i'm just living in struggle county and poor. no one here is doing their job correctly. nothing ever works out. groceries are through the roof because of the monopolies the local stores have and when there are sales they don't update their system so you don't even pay the sale prices. i tried to get a dent in my car fixed through insurance and had difficulty reaching the insurance office, then difficulty reaching the body work places, then never got a callback after my appointment so i stopped pursuing it. i had weird lights on my dash a different time, took it in. they wiped the warning readouts and told me to take it somewhere else and when i did the readouts were no longer present so they couldn't do anything. that all took 3 hours out of my day for nothing. i bought new tires but they weren't a certified dealer so i don't get the brand warranty in its entirety, which i hope never becomes relevant. when i went to the doctor they gave me the wrong dosage on my script then wouldn't fix it without another appointment that i couldn't afford so i just quit taking it. the local pharmacy will run low on a med and edit your script to accomodate their shortage but then you run out early and don't have a script anymore and the pharmacy says it's your problem not theirs. mail often runs late so you'll miss important appointments and deadlines because if the office itself is 4 business days late sending out their mail and then the postal service is 3 business days late bam. that's you getting your mail a week and a half late. it's unlivable. you're not meant to live here.
#some of the indignities i have suffered in the past 2 years are unspeakable#but if i think about it this sort of thing has always been happening it's just now it's happening constantly and impacting me 10x worse#i'm planning my appointment with the bank and i realised i need to wear rich people cosplay to subtly indicate#that i have the funds to utilise out of county legal resources#and am not afraid to do so#because their angle—and it's all of these business' angle—is that they can get away with this bc there's nothing i can do about it#what am i gonna do switch to the single other bank in town#drive 30 minutes further for my medicine#or my medical care#or my automotive services#they can all do whatever they want because people with no other resources will still have to rely on them#i saw a woman in the doctors office last year who was using a cane and could barely walk and she was at the nurse's counter CRYING#bc they were treating her like she was a dealer bc she needed pain relief & the doctor had left the appointment without giving her an rx#that woman left empty-handed and has probably been back to that office since because what else can you do.#i'm not cursed i am living in an uninhabitable space. i am not wanted here. these people will not help me for all the money in the world.#they are doing their jobs properly for the people in their church groups and for their families and their friends and i am none of those#so why would i expect them to do anything for me#i gotta get outta here#adam yaps
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idk what ramadan is gonna look like for me this year lol
#z.gen#i try to be more on my deen and i will do it this year#like hitting all of my prayers when i normally hit like 3/5 etc#no substances which fluctuates yearly since being calisober is what got me off other drugs but should be fine this yr#a lot of people wont listen to music either but i honestly dont listen to it much during the day regardless#having a very night time schedule is helpful during ramadan#i think im gonna try and focus on establishing all of my prayers#i dont really care to talk about my faith much cause its so genuinely no ones business#but i am muslim i just dont follow the practices of any of the four major sunni schools strongly for other reasons#im not shia either tho... looking#none of it matters rn cause i cant fast anyway LOL but its okay#its just like. kind of hard to celebrate islam with whats going on in palestine#like a lot of my fellow muslims get really obsessed w the aesthetics#but the month is about refraining from worldly desires and practing restraint and is generally anti consumerism#so its like. idk if i care for fun silly ramadan recipes. im gonna try to organize stuff with my mosque again inshallah
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