#what my 20s taught me

[ghostjelliess]

25 Things I hope my (currently nonexistent) child understands by adulthood:

1. Two opposing things can be true at the same time.

2. Your reality is like a floating harbour: it is only as stable as you make it, but some flexibility is necessary to survive the waves.

3. Hope and healing are often humiliating first.

4.Real hope and real love require courage—that's why people say it's not easy, or you know it when you feel it, because it's scary.

5. You never grow out of grief, but you will grow around it.

6. Not everyone's monsters look the same; learn to identify yours, ask before you fight what you think are someone else's, and never assume someone is without monsters just because you can't see their scars.

7. Recognize your own happiness; most intangible things you will want can be gotten by sincerely giving them first: compliments, love, communication, affection, etc. Become the person you want to be: who you are will always be someone between who you were and who you want. Know how you like to love and be loved, what excitement and fulfillment mean to you, and how your understanding changes as you grow. The world will try to convince you that life is too hard because this benefits capitalistic control; believe in yourself first, challenge yourself first, understand what your happiness and exhaustion look like first, then build upon them—your awareness will exempt you from the propaganda.

8. If the problem is not money or health, you CAN do something about it right now, even if it's just getting more information, asking questions, or attempting to communicate. If the problem is money or health, be educated; all gangs work the same, all games follow rules, whether its government taxes or corporate insurances scheming you out of your rights, when the problem is money or health, patience is necessary and knowledge is power.

9. You are not entitled to forgiveness, but you are obligated to apologize when you have caused harm.

10. Say it out loud when others have hurt you, but don't let them weigh you down; you will not always understand other people's actions or criticisms because you would never make their same choices. Trust that someday they will be confronted, then drop the anchor and be free, your peace is your responsibility now.

11. It's okay to rest from being brave. It's good to cry. Comfort is important, but too much stagnation inevitably leads to rot; keep moderation in mind and don't get caught in the illusion or excuse of trying to try—move with sincerity and intention. Put in authentic effort and self-reflection as you evolve your identity, and you will easily outrun shame and live without regret.

12. We are all islands, you decide how your bridges to other people work, what you expect of those you're connected to, and how much work you're willing to do to maintain them. Often when we feel disconnected, it's because our bridges have crumbled, but you can start with a rope bridge and upgrade, and you can always add new bridges when old interest and commonalities fade between friends or family or relationships. You can also change your expectations whenever you want; if you decide there are too many flimsy bridges or one bridge is taking up too much of your energy without the other person's effort, it's okay to let them go. It may be lonely on the island sometimes, but you decide your expectations of the bridges now—you always get to choose who does and does not connect to your island. Happiness does not automatically come with love: you are not the cause or responsibility of others' happiness, and your value is not measured in bridges. If you don't like your island, you have to rework the soil. We will all regarden our islands at some point, for ourselves or others, for better or worse, but you can always start over, you can always change. If you find yourself frozen and comfortable in the numbness, it's time for sledgehammers—break the ice, plant new trees, build new bridges, the warmth will burn at first, but the addiction would drown you eventually.

13. There is no such thing as actual linear thought, there are no measures of intelligence, art and science are never diametrically opposed but dependent, and taxonomies will always fail. The world is a balance of order and chaos, there will always be waves to ripple your reality, how you ride them, how you build your foundation, is up to you. Some people are okay surfing, others need anchors and buoys and beaches because our understanding of safety and comfort are relative to our experience of suffering and happiness.

14. You can only be as happy as much as you are willing to suffer. You can only love as much as you are willing to grieve, trust as much as you are willing to be betrayed, and hope as much as you are willing to fail. This can break people, or it can bring fortune and strength to the brave. Goodness and suffering are relative. The laws of positive attraction and karma are all based on this open willingness to fail or expect good of the world, to notice it, and to be grateful for it. Look for the good, point it out, stop for the rainbows, cheer for the heroes, surround yourself with your values/interests because you do control what influences you; be careful little eyes what you see, what you look for, and what you find, because those who seek catastrophe live in much greater fear than those willing to face it whenever it comes.

15. There is no one way the world works, except that it is not fair and we should try to make it fairer.

16. If there are two wolves fighting inside you, feed both wolves; do not sacrifice part of yourself without understanding its value.

17. When it's all too much, return to nature: see what you see, feel what you feel, hear what you hear, smell what you smell, taste what you taste, and touch what you touch. Ground yourself back in the understanding that you are an animal among animals, simply an earthling occupying Earth. If that doesn't work, find the stars.

18. To understand the world, observe it: listen to other people, look at textures and patterns, watch animals interact, read diverse stories, and ask questions; don't be afraid to fail new things, but be respectful when you try them.

19. You will make mistakes and other people might forgive you faster than you forgive yourself. It's okay, it will be okay, you do no deserve suffering. You are neither owed suffering nor forgiveness. If you find yourself with chipped shoulders, then resculpt your arms, it's your job to monitor the cracks, it's your responsibility to heal; scars and open wounds are not the same.

20. The world is not made only of journeys and races forward or getting ahead. It is an ocean: some people swim, some people float, some are born on yachts, others on land, but there are always new places to explore, new directions to go. Don't get caught up in the competition or the illusions, just keep your head above water, and ask for help when you can't. Do not expect of others, but graciously understand the world as it moves around you; do not assume of others, but kindly inquire about their sufferings, their solutions, and their direction.

21. If you decide on a partner, you are choosing to navigate the seas with them, tying your boats or innertubes together, accepting whatever anchors they're carrying. No matter how you fight or adapt or compromise (and you will fight and compromise). You are simply two people riding the waves. There are only a few problems to actually fight about, and when you figure out how to communicate those, you will still encounter storms, but with the confidence in your crew to tackle the waves or doldrums and survive together, to care together, and to navigate that sea of life together.

22. Ask for help. Say when you hurt. Show the cracks. Let someone else put on the band aid. Know what good hugs are; give good hugs.

23. It's okay if you break dishes or cars, they are replaceable. You are not.

24. Rebel when it is right, be kind whenever you are able, let the world continue to fascinate and amaze you as you grow, and seek out hope. Existentialism, relativity, and nihilism are all symptoms that you're consciousness is zoomed too far out; adjust your lens sometimes, explore the distance, look up close at your immediate surroundings, but don't forget to look in front of you, whether you like it or not, you are of this world and your participation is not a factor you can control, you impact the space around you, even if you remain unmoved. You have been made to exist in the same way as the dandelion and the eagle, and just as these you must decide where to put your energy.

25. Ignore all these and live by your own rules, child. This is what living will teach you.

[andsewingishalfthebattle]

Novice sewing pattern: Cut out shapes. Line up the little triangles on the edges. Stitch edges together. We've also included step-by-step assembly instructions with illustrations.

Novice knitting pattern: yOU MUSt uNDerstANd thE SECret cOdE CO67 (73, 87, 93) BO44 (63, 76, 90) 28 (32, 34) slip first pw repeat 7x K to end *kl (pl) 42 * until 13" (13, 13, 15) join new at 30 pl for 17 rows ssk 27 k2tog mattress lengthwise BO and sacrifice a goat to the knitting gods. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT "INSTRUCTIONS," I JUST GAVE THEM TO YOU

[z0mbiefrank]

you GUYS i am officially enrolled in my degree i am so unbelievably happy!!!!! i have been fighting for my life to get here. i had to turn down all my uni offers when i was a teen (had to move out independantly bc of domestic violence and disability/health complications). i've always known exactly what i want to do with my life but everything got put on hold whilst i desperately tried to sort my shit out. BUT IM DOING IT NOW!!!!!

[gideonisms]

Tbf I Am a fair bit older than what the median age of this fandom seems to be, so really I've just had longer to figure it all out

Well it's encouraging to hear that one can age into figuring it out because I'm almost 30 and I would not say my 20s have brought me all that much clarity. I have no idea what the median age is here but I'm glad you've been able to take the time to figure yourself out! It can definitely be hard to do

[undermine-the-instinct]

Yeah yeah, college is great and all, but what do you mean you dont know what a protaganist or an antagonist is? What do you mean you dont know what a hyperbole or simile is???

[hella1975]

'compliments to the chef!' the chef is currently waving around the steak hammer going 'COCK AND BALL TORTURE' so i think i'll let this one slide. have a nice day tho

[simplytiredtransboy]

I fucking hate being HoH like it's so fucked that we have to pay for the ability to hear?? Like you don't have money? Then you don't get to hear!

[johndonneswife]

[duckyfann9871]

Grave of the fireflies

logged into netflix and saw that they added grave of the fireflies. I am not ready to be hurt, destroyed, painfully reminded of the mortality of our being like that again. it's been 3 years since I first saw it and I am still not ready. but curiosity prevails.. I want to watch it again. Even if I know it will make me so very sad.

[futurewife]

my plan for the future is like after the societal collapse I will find a gruff, highly capable middle aged man who sees me in trouble and takes me under his wing and develops a soft spot for me and loves/protects me with his life. we become a team and survive together. he patches me up when I get injured and hunts down medication for me when I get sick. We snuggle up together when it gets cold and he strokes my hair and murmurs comfortingly to me when I get scared. he like teaches me how to shoot guns and stuff. as god intended for me.

[nexus-nebulae]

thinking about when i had such intense phantom limbs as a kid i told my math teacher about it

[classicjdog]

CURSE MY FUCKING SHITARSE INTERNET I JUST WANT TO PLAY SOME FUCKING TEKKEN GAAAAHHHHHHHH

REINA IS SO FUCKING SICK AND I CAN'T PLAY HER AGAINST REAL PPL I'M STUCK FIGHTING THE STUPID AI FUCK

[slippery-minghus]

ebery time i let myself doze off on the couch then wake up gasping, i tell myself i need to stop doing it.

but, reliably, every night, i get too sleepy and too comfy and can only convince myself to get up after i've dozed a little. i need a little sleep to give me the strength to get up. but then. i wake up. panicked and out of breath. i'm so fucking sick of it.

[cestacruz]

Mmm Jeanne

[roseband]

i mean this in all seriousness.....

every bonus and raise i get at work is cuz i taught myself adobe automation tools and javascript for adobe (even though i took cs in hs like, i could not find a class in what i wanted so i just had to self teach it)

but the only reason i self taught that was cuz i was overly obsessed with kpop

so as long as all my savings accounts are where they should be (percentage of income-wise)... so like 401k, emergency fund, down-payment fund.......(which.....are all invested and/or in high yield 4.5% monthly compounding interest accts and are making their own money)

i can just dump all my disposable income into kpop because if i wasn't unhinged about kpop, i would not have this much disposable income lol

i feel like this is 100% an original meaning of girlmath moment tbh

[blonkk]

just discovered another way i was irreversibly fucked up as a child. the puzzle is getting pieced together but so what. once all the pieces are there they’ll be there but how does this improve or complete my life. it’s literally just like ….ok…cool….that makes sense…that explains some stuff…now what