#what if i grow to hate it because now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nattousan · 2 years ago

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#nat chats #my art #og post #i drew this at 2 am can you tell?#im makin good money at my current place of employment but they're losing staff like a motherfucker #i'm the only one in my dept and everything would be fucked if i left #so where do i go?#make art for a living?#what if i grow to hate it because now #i depend on it for income?#i have adhd that severely inpacts my ability to self motivate #and yet?#theres so much i want to do #i'm wasting my one life for what?#survival?#no #i'd only realistically be able to survive a month or two on my meager savings #that i've spent YEARS saving #why blow through it all now?#to live #shut up #to MAKE ART #no. you're just going to have to find a shitty retail job to make ends meet #to WRITE STORIES #to feel what its like to WANT something and REACH FOR IT #TO LIVE TO LIVE TO LIVE

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taffywabbit · 3 months ago

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I finally watched breaking bad (all within the past week or so while I worked, finished it and watched el camino last night) and I'm confident this isn't a new thought I'm expressing or anything but genuinely how DID an entire generation of dudes convince themselves Walter White was cool and admirable and intended to be sympathetic. I know ppl just lack media literacy sometimes but I'm still so confused

I don't think I've EVER watched a piece of media that so blatantly depicts a guy making the worst possible decisions at every turn and having his life ruined for it and not being redeemed or made sympathetic in any significant or lasting way. the kinds of justifications villains USUALLY give that make people consider them "morally grey" or "tragic" or whatever (everything I did was for my loved ones, I did what I had to to survive, once I was in this I couldn't get out, I just needed you to trust me so I could keep you safe, etc etc) is ALWAYS framed as complete self-serving bullshit when Walt says it, and one of the only shreds of personal growth he ever exhibits in the whole series is when he finally fucking admits that. every time he does something even remotely cool or drops a quotable one-liner, something terrible immediately happens that makes everything worse and makes him look like an unreasonable idiot asshole again. by the end of the series the ONLY characters they can still contrast as being morally "worse" than him are literally a bunch of bloodthirsty neonazis who kept a guy in a cage for several months. this show is practically SCREAMING at you the entire time not to admire Walt. why did every dude I knew in highschool have his face on tshirts and Facebook pfps.

I just don't get it. at least with The Dark Knight's Joker it was like, a feature-length movie and that's it. you spend a lot less time with the Joker and it has a lot less time to delve into his motivations, so there's way more room for flanderization and misinterpretation as people extrapolate the few cool/interesting/sad things they saw into a whole nuanced misunderstood guy in their heads and online. Walter White has 5 seasons' worth of 45min episodes to convince you beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is a miserable fucking loser who ruins everything he touches because of greed and selfishness. if you weren't watching it for that, what WERE you getting out of this. what DID you think this show was about. am I just missing some key piece of context from 2012 or whatever that would help me understand this

#buny text #breaking bad #also I'm vaguely aware there was a big movement of fans who blamed everything on his wife and said she was the worst #which like. obvious misogyny from the primary audience of teen boys and young men aside #she's not really worse than any of the other adult characters?? she sucks real bad in the first couple seasons but so does everyone else #half the point of having all these characters be so shitty and rigid and unwilling to grow or accommodate others is so that #they can serve as landmarks to show how rapidly walt is abandoning his morals and spiraling into self-justification as the series goes on #the people you hate in season 1 are largely people you sympathize with in season 4 and 5 because compared to walt they're saints #idk. it's just weird having grown up around the fan culture for this show for the past decade or so and then finally watching it #and just being completely baffled now that i know what they were responding to

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lazylittledragon · 10 months ago

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do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great

i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually

#ramble #yes this is the artist's perspective bs and yes this is anxiety because it's 1am #and yes i'm forever learning and growing but also #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.#drawing my little guys is fun but i am not good enough for the industry right now and that fucking sucks #i really feel like if i walked into a studio with my portfolio right now they would laugh at me #one of those days where i wish i'd done a more useful degree y'know #i'm going back through the phase where i don't know what i'm going to be anymore and it's scary #some days i really want to give it up and never draw again and do something worthwhile because i Know my life would be easier #and i hate that something i love so much makes me feel so hopeless #signs that i should go to bed ^^^^#i will resume my pity party tomorrow

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corvid-ghost · 3 months ago

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The in story reasons of Odysseus and Penelopes namesss

Odysseus, named by his grandfather, someone so fueled by hate, he named his only grandson "he who causes pain". He named a child after suffering because, in his eyes, the whole world suffers.

Penelope, who was born to "Arnacia", but renamed after swans/ducks saved her from her own father. Her own father tried to kill because she wasn't who he wanted.

#like imagine being odysseus's parents #maybe there was a tradition in their familt of having the grandfather name the kid #or it was to honor him #and your kid #an infant #who literally just cant do any wrong because at this point there is no wrong for him to know #is named after all your father hates #and is #and you have to accept it #this kid will always be a reminder of all thats wrong in the world #because your father couldnt see past that #but hey i mean in the end its true #he cause so much pain and sufferinf #maybe it was destined since he was born #maybe his name is what soldified his fate #and Penelope #penelope whos parents tried to kill her #only for them to grow fond of her like it never happened #even though her name is a constant reminder #a constant reminder shes not who her parents wanted #she only lived because she was lucky #and now they want her #but not then #the odyssey #tagamemnon #odysseus #penelope #odypen #penelope of ithaca #odysseus of ithaca

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hballegro · 4 months ago

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guess what no one asked for

my sfms. here they are

you think i just make ellis and nick l4d2 content WRONG

i also make men kissing in tf2

i also made a few ANIMATIONS but those are NOT for viewing because most of them are GIFTS to LOVED ONES except THIS ONE

youtube

its not very GOOD but i DID finish it unlike MOST of my ANIMATIONS

that is ALL i will now go back MASH content. i just wanted to give context for my current banner that i made for pride month. i am proud of at least 3 of those.

#i have many talents. most of them useless. most of them gathered for fun.#example; i am currently learning to juggle so that my brain does not start growing mold #i learned sfm because i really wanted to animate that one interaction between ellis and nick #'what kinda car you drive' “your moms car” 'well see that was just uncalled for. serious.'#never finished that animation but i DID learn a lot. and now im so cool and smart #some of these were done in conjunction with my sibling where shed draw a sketch and id make it real #some i spent 6 hours on. some i spent 1 on. you can probably tell which is which #the one on the stage took forever because of the particles #i hate particles in sfm with all the passion in my heart #i will now tag correctly to bother everyone #sfm poster #tf2 sfm #sfm art #sfm render #source filmmaker #sfm #ellis l4d2 #nick l4d2 #l4d2 #coach l4d2 #rochelle l4d2 #left 4 dead 2 #tf2 fanart #tf2 #not tagging all the mercs i refuse to do that #sfm animation #shh dont tell anyone but the one with ellis and the guitar was made so i could have a thumbnail for my country music playlist #ok loveyou goodnight

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seagreenstardust · 5 months ago

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Anyone still calling late game Katsuki an abuser in 2024 is just not paying attention. Full stop.

#bkdk #bakudeku #every time I see an anti post they try to define bkdk shippers as just masking their hate of Izuku #or as inappropriately labeling them as childhood friends and that being the basis of the whole ship #or as of acting on the hand hold scene LIKE KATSUKI DID FOR ELEVEN PLUS YEARS IN CANON without realizing that it went sour that first time #or as abuse apologists #they like to whittle katsuki down to the black and white bully even now #in 2024 #after everything he’s done #all the growing #they like to whittle Izuku down to a helpless child who can’t find it in himself to stand up for himself #even though canon Izuku not only tolerates Katsuki’s moods #he appreciates him and understands him #and finds joy in being around him #literally I get it if you see them as platonic only #that’s so super chill and an excellent dynamic #but people throwing hate at bkdk shippers only ever out themselves as not understanding or comprehending or even knowing the source material #at all #on the surface Katsuki yells at izuku for literally nothing and it definitely rubs you the wrong way if you are only paying surface level #attention #but after dvk pt 2 he literally only yells because it’s familiar #it’s easier to respond that way than to cope with the guilt that’s eating him alive whenever he sees how happy Izuku is just to be around h #he’s flustered #he’s got a crush #but doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to understand what it is or how to deal yet #Katsuki Bakugo is a flawed character who puts in the work to change and if you’re not acknowledging that you are not paying attention #anyway #lol the post a while ago that said ‘if you ship bkdk just admit you hate Izuku and move on’??????#lol I love him so much AND I ship bkdk because canon tells me that’s what he wants #at least I’m paying attention enough not to think he has to be babified

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bayetea · 23 days ago

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I'm gonna froth at the mouth over this in the tags so bear with me but reason #1278038 why the way rick went about breaking up jiper was bad: rereading her povs in hoo where she gushes over jason feels like even more of an unreliable narrator queer girl comphet psychological horror story

#it's not that that isn't interesting (it's fascinating actually. especially for a daughter of aphrodite!!!)#it's that it Obviously wasn't his og intention. the ending of hoo is clearly intended to give a positive impression of jiper #this is worsened because shelper is wildly underdeveloped so it's like Dude what did you even do this for #literally just an afterthought. a footnote really. he said “ok here's your canon sapphic rep pls stop shipping theyna now” /j #she was a main character in one of the main couples in hoo it's so crazy? how can that happen. he would never do this to percabeth #can you imagine if percabeth broke up offscreen and 2 months later annabeth was with some complete rando and then percy died. girl what #it's the kind of setup/payoff issue that is difficult to put into words because he set up something (jiper and all its complex morality)#to ultimately be good because they're making the choice to love each other in the end (poorly executed but whatever I don't hate it)#and then in toa????? he just obliterates them for no payoff and creates a new impression of the most literal case of comphet imaginable? wh #toa is my absolute least favorite sorry #marginally related but if we can Be. Chill. and acknowledge that he originally wrote nico as crushing on annabeth #(we can argue all day about how Definite the crush was but come on. he did not put percy's speculation of it in there for no reason)#(and he obviously did not plan for nico to be gay back then you will literally never convince me of this)#(representation was NOT on his mind in the first 5 books that's why the cast is almost completely white except charles and ethan)#(the disposable poc who die tragically btw)#then I see a similarly confusing debacle but like. in the opposite way #something something sexuality is fluid you can be gay and feel confused about how u used to have a het crush but are still gay #nico says so himself to piper which is hilarious #it's just the lack of consistency and poor planning that I hate........... it is a ginormous pet peeve of mine and it's All Over His Books #piper already reads as having so much growing to do regarding her gender and sexuality because Somebody #(the man writing her) littered her pov with internalized misogyny/anti hyperfemininity and went nowhere with it #rr crit #percy jackson and the olympians #piper mclean #jason grace #pjo hoo toa #anti jiper #<- I PROMISE I am not actually anti-jiper I am very neutral about it as I am with all jason ships. they had cute moments #tagging that just in case #this comes from a place of deep love for the franchise and it's characters btw I have been a fan since I was 8

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ccbatman · 5 months ago

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what if i said hal's mom called him "hally" specifically as a play on halley's comet, huh. what if i said she did that because she knew no matter how far he went, he'd always come back to her, hm. what then.

#and then he wasnt with her when she died FUCK #jessica jordan #they could never make me hate you #hal jordan #green lantern #empyrean posting #i do think it's extremely fucked up how they diminished and rotted her character post spectre. i actually hate it so much #i dont really mind the rewriting of martin as a /not/ absentee and abusive father (even though it cheapens the complex relationship hal had #with him what with the being his mirror image and wearing his jacket and becoming a pilot in spite of how martin treated him. constantly #seeking validation and love from a man who not only would never but then could never give it to him) but then going on to act as if jessica #wasnt his most important parent just by virtue of her being his only one for most of his life and going on to say she was actually kind of #bad because she wouldnt support him when she looked after three sons by herself and also begged the air force to take him back when he was #about to be dismissed is sooooo. god. it irks me so much. she was always there for him and she may not have been perfect but she did her #damn best and now they go around acting like martin was the only REAL figure in hal's life growing up because they understood each other on #some special cosmic level?? go to hell.#talking to myself sorry

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anonymocha · 3 months ago

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finally coming out as a dyke in 2023 is realizing i dont need to pretend to simp that Guy just because everyone else in my friend group does

#finally coming out as a dyke in 2023 is realizing i can be insane abt women the same way my friends are insane abt men #life changing #mochats #im sorry to my friends who think me simping that guy was genuine #i was just trying to fit in #its a good time to admit that 90% of the time i also dont care abt male characters same way how-#-some straight women dont care abt female characters #i refuse to waste my power on a guy everyone else cares about #im tired enough and i have assignments to do #if i become an outcast for only sparing my energy on women then so be it.#i care about my friends and love them gushing abt a Guy but i personally cannot be made to care in a way they do #not just because i think (often neglected) female characters deserve more of my attention but also because-#-my attraction does influence my interest LETS BE FR HERE #growing up is realizing that putting attention on things you dont care about #is exhausting #as fuck #and i kind of hated how i feel like i wasted my youth energy drawing characters idc abt to please others #now im just tired all the time #while wishing i can draw more women more often #so like #dont do that #draw and write what YOU want #btw its not that i dont care abt men i just have such low energy lately that if i care for anything else but women — it may be unfulfilling #live laugh fatigue #every time i see a guy fanart i scroll past life has never felt so good #(unless its by a friend which i will appreciate dearly i love my friends art and how passionate they r)

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pseudophan · 2 months ago

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gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow

#life update if anyone gaf we're now at the point where i know i'm getting the adhd diagnosis and yet i STILL HAVE TO WAIT #like she just isnt sure if it's adhd or add (its norway theyre not gonna update the terms any time soon just roll with it)#and im just like. girl i don't give a fuck #its been so many years i cant do this anymore #we've talked to my fucking kindergarten teachers like 😭 they've investigated my entire life atp #to make sure i did in fact have all these issues from birth #because my word and my mum's word just isn't good enough i guess #like lets rely on the selective memories of random ass people ive encountered growing up this is ASININE #anyway my godmother had a 4h consultation the other day and got diagnosed on the spot #so now my mum is mad at her LMFAO #cause my mum's like. that bitch doesn't even have adhd. shes fine.#which i feel like is probably wrong but i agree with the sentiment #where is the deep dive investigation into her wholeass existence 😭#its cause she got to go private but they refuse to refer me to a private specialist so i have to keep going publuc #public #and if i go private on my own its too expensive plus the waitlist is years long #so. whatever. i guess.#man im so tired.#i will never ever ever forgive my psychiatrist from when i was 15 who said i probably had adhd but because i did ok in school its fine #and they wouldnt set the diagnosis #because the fact that i have papers from when i was 15 saying i don't have it is what's making this all so difficult #even though if you read all the papers it says i hit on EVERY SINGLE POINT #which is why the One Psych who listened to me is absolutely fuming losing her mind cause she can't understand why any of this happened #man i hate my fucking life lol

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girlivealwaysbean · 23 days ago

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So I wrote this next song a few days before my nineteenth birthday. And, um, back then, I was so terrified of change, and I was especially afraid of growing up. And I'd, like, cry at all my birthday parties as a child. Very, very emo.

Now that I'm 21, I don't feel afraid of growing up at all. In fact, I'm really, really looking forward to it. And, um, if I could give any advice to the 18-year-old girl who wrote this song, I'd tell her not to worry so much, and that she has no idea how many magical, magical things are waiting just around the corner for her. So, uh, with that, here's "teenage dream".

- Olivia Rodrigo at the Guts World Tour before playing teenage dream

#i love this speech SOOO SOO MUCH #it's like she took words out of my brain and put them together beautifully #and teenage dream the song that you are #and like yeah i used to hate birthdays too idk it seemed like a ticking clock like time is running out #for what i don't know #but now that im 21 i feel like okay i look forward to 22 and 23 and 25!! how wonderful to be able to live on my own #and have fun with my friends and have a small life that's completely mine!! it's scary like yeah what if things don't work out #what if yeah they all say that it gets better it gets better but what i don't #but idk growing up has given me perspective like even if it won't be perfect it'll still be okay there are not only two #options one happy one sad it's more of a spectrum and life naturally deviates between them no matter who you are #and that's okay!!!! you wouldn't be able to appreciate being happy if you've never known sadness #and tbh all of this is just a part of being human the whole experience and im very grateful for it #okay getting emo at 1 pm because i saw the tour movie but anyway i love liv soooo much #she even accepted a gift cowboy hat from fans that said 'gays for livvie' that's so cute!!!! she's the bestest #olivia rodrigo #teenage dream #guts world tour #guts world tour movie

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miscgallery · 10 days ago

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relationship web of the 7 sillies that are occupying my brain's storage space

#not art #going to elaborate further about this in the tags click show more tags if you want to get blasted with hcs #clocking into my shift for the making shit up factory ❤️🏃‍♀️‍➡️#lynn doesn't HATE hate pepper but i honestly think she's terrified of her😭 basically hyper extrovert vs anxiety-ridden introvert #pepper has tried to help lynn a few times but her sheer energy + inability to stop talking has definitely scared lynn off unintentionally #on mutliple occasions 😭 lynn gets over it eventually but for now she dodges pepper as much as possible within the bureau #i feel like pepper would be on good terms with the garden because . aside from tending to the crops she's growing she takes care of the #(literal) flowers in the bureau's (literal) garden. she's less hyperactive when she's doing that but outside of the garden thistle lowkey #finds her annoying 😭 hecate is chill with her she's dealt with worse (hella and EMP)#it's canon that thistle has helped lynn decorate her helmet iirc so i feel like the two of them would be on good terms #i don't think hecate would hold that much of a grudge in canon but it'd be kind of funny if she did so 😭🏃‍♀️‍➡️ sorry thistle #do i even have to explain what happened between eve and pepper 😭 girl the second pepper sees eve she's freaking out #it would be funny if eve and letta were friends imo. letta's all ':D' while eve is dead silent and pepper is resisting the urge to bolt awa #i realize christina has literally no connections to the other characters cited here outside of thistle (and letta as a personal hc)#but just know that she's also really close with the other garden members (who at this point are her 2nd? 3rd? family)

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quillkiller · 3 months ago

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Petunia literally abused Harry bro 💀 and pointing that out doesn’t mean we’re downplaying her grief or bc she’s a woman

yall are gonna freak out when you realise that abusers are also human

#’she literally ABUSED—’ yes ? and i still find her captivating and interesting #abusers are almost never just evil monsters #they’re human beings who chose to do that to you #they actively chose to treat you that way Knowing Better #and just putting the label ’abuser’ on a fictional character is so boring omg what about character studies #some people can be unredeemable ! and i can still sympathize #ive said it before. im never going to forgive my abuser and would probably punch you if you asked me to #<- but some people love my abuser and my abuser have real and good relationships in her life #shes not Evil and Monstrous all the time #but she was that way with me #people aren’t one dimensional ! life isn’t that black and white !#and its frankly quite childish and downright strange if you dont have the capacity to understand that #i literally talked about how my narcissa had good intentions but unredeemable in an ask like. the other day #nuance is interesting i fear :/#some people dont break the cycle of abuse and some people dont grow up to be good people #doesnt mean thats all there is to them i fear #anyway!#asks #also who said anything about her being a woman. that was all you king #also. sy’s post had nothing to do with petunias relationship with harry ? yall are just pointing that out because you hate women #<- now i said it!#like sy was making an interesting point about petunias grief about losing a sister she barely knew anymore but grew up with #and yall have to come in and be like WAAAAHHH SHES AN ABUSER THO DID U KNOW DID YOUUUUU #grow up

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maegalkarven · 1 year ago

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"Durge came back different", "Durge didn't really come back", "the person who Durge originally was is dead" are all good takes, but what if.

If Durge came back exactly as they were? The brain damage, additional trauma and memory loss are the big altering factors, but underneath that it's still them.

They didn't change drastically, their former self is not dead.

How about one single fragile mortal soul still keeping a hold on itself, how about Durge who was never allowed anything for themselves still retaining them.

How about Durge who has lost everything: power, memories, purpose, sense of self, still being themselves, despite it all.

How about not even Orin's daggers, tadpole and Bhaal combined being able to rob them of their core? How about all of that just revealed who Durge has always been underneath all those expectations Father dearest put on them?

How about: "After all this time, it's still you."

#the dark urge #durge #dark urge #listen all these dead past selfs and loose of identity is fine and all #but i personally can't stand it because give me “me” back #give me who I am #i don't want redemption fuck your clean slate #give me the only thing I could ever dare claim as my own. return myself to me #@withers maybe SOME losers would lose their mind seeing the attocities Durge has commited. Levi is better tho. give him all of his memories #and give them NOW #levi is not a different person #not even june is a different person #it's still them how they have always been at their core #it's not regression it's not stagnation it's growing and changing #but staying yourself #levi SO recovers all of his memories #fuck what some old dude with bad hiring skills says his memories aren't lost. nothing ever truly is #june accidentially gets curses with having his memories back #maybe don't piss off powerful entities bby #levi be like: i respect all loss of identity. but I PERSONALLY hate to lose. give me myself back

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foxstens · 4 months ago

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the ec says this and you know what. maybe kevthea makes more sense than i thought. maybe kevin himself is also a raven through and through

#my posts #my aftg posts #aftg #kevin day #he grew up there that mindset was drilled into his head for years #and the thing is we don't know. we do not know what goes through his head #i hate thinking about this but it would make sense. maybe i'm crying a little bit #but also this entire part of the ec is so fucking good it might actually be my favourite #it says so much about the pressure put on kevin and riko as they were growing up #it even says they kind of saved each other. because it was hell and they were in it together #but they also couldn't ever be equals #i really should stop obsessing over the ec since it was never supposed to be canon and especially now #but i've entered my kevriko era and the layers of their relationship just astound me

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spark-circuit · 1 month ago

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me at my bookstore job to the 27th young adult straight edgy fantasy romance to come in this month

#full disclosure in case this blows up somehow because of booktok or something - IT'S NOT JUST BOOKTOK CRITICISM OR HET ROMANCE CRITICISM #this is me getting annoyed about the fact that the genre itself is oversaturated with too many of the same cookie cutter plot #girl in magic land meets guy and they hate each other but they don't really!!! but their love grows over the tides of the kingdom's war.....#<- THIS PLOT RIGHT HERE. I'VE SEEN FIVE SEPARATE AUTHORS DO THIS #and again - to clarify - it is NOT just booktok with this oversaturation issue #regular fiction is oversaturated with WW2/victorian era romance dramas - where the plot is good! but then A GUY SHOWS UP #AND THE WOMAN MUST MAKE A CHOICE..... TO SUPPORT HER CHILD OR LEAVE BEHIND HER OLD LIFE etc etc WE GET IT. FUCK.#and it's not just fiction too!!! the charts are oversaturated with crime novels in general right now #granted - most of them are good and try to be original - however there's just too many in the main chart #i won't list all of them to prevent drama - but in two past 'six new chart topper' deals - four were crime #and they haven't sold well. even bringing in popular authors didn't help them sell well #there needs to be a shake up. i don't want to be elitish or snobbish - PEOPLE CAN 100% WRITE WHAT THEY WANT #everyone's art is unique and beautiful because they did it #and they have the freedom to do so #but writers nowadays are falling too much into keeping with trends that it's actively tiring out consistent readers #write your fantasy novel - but lean into the worldbuilding. write your world war novel - but elaborate outside the characters.#write your fiction or crime - but try to vary up the beats of the plot to surprise readers more #stop trying to cater to what you l they want and what works - try and surprise them with something new and unexpected.#anyways rant over. i can talk about this for ages but i won't. but i could #spark talks about nothing of relevance #clip from the shadow the hedgehog rtfd 👍 thank you devil. from bible.

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