#what if eddie was like ... why is he taking so long to find the website

[buddivorce]

it's really hilarious that one of the main plot points of the batman 2022 was caused by neither bruce nor gordon knowing literally any spanish at all

[justmeinadaze]

Secret Underneath (Steddie X Plus Size You)

"She's got a secret underneath (she's got a secret underneath) Yeah, she's his naughty little freak (yeah, she's his naughty, little freak) She likes to put on a show (she likes to put on a show) She likes when he takes control (she likes when he takes control)"

A/N: This came from utter annoyance at men online and just desperately trying to find a confident man who cares.

ENJOY!

Warnings: Sugar Daddies Steve and Eddie/ Baby Fem Plus Size Reader, SMUT, daddy kink (cause im me), blindfold, toys, voyeurism (I guess. They watch her pleasure herself on cam), dirty talk. Sub/dom dynamics, oh um age difference even though its not mentioned (guys are about mid to late 30s and Reader is in her mid to late 20s)

ANGST, Reader is assaulted by an ex (mentioned but not expanded on) boys comfort her, mentions of her wanting to be held and tired of feeling lonely, guys online try to flirt in the beginning but she shuts them down. I think that's it. Cliffhanger ending because again...Im me.

Word Count: 5555 (ooooo :P)

“I can take care of a young little thing like you. You’re perfect”

“If I’m perfect why do I need someone to take care of me?”

“Do you want to help Daddy finish, baby? My big hard cock needs some help.”

“Oof a real Daddy doesn’t need to announce how big his cock is. Try again, little boy.”

“I bet a little girl like you needs to be put in her fucking place, you stupid fucking slut. Now get naked and send me nudes or else.”

You role your eyes as you promptly block the person who sent you the message. When you signed up for this sugar baby website you were hopeful to find someone who wasn’t like the “men” you had talked to on regular dating apps. You wanted someone who knew what they were doing, confident, and could handle your sass without running. 

You had met a few who could live up to the title but none you wanted to keep around long term. 

Sliding your mouse through the images, you found a profile that intrigued you. The image attached wasn’t of one man but two and it didn’t show their faces. It wasn’t odd for the Babies to want anonymity like yourself but your profile picture at least showed all of you in your curvy glory with a mask blocking your eyes and lingerie blocking everything else. Daddies always felt the need to show off so usually their profile images accentuated their faces and/or their money.

These two, with an account named Mogul/Rockstar, were only photographed from the neck down and it was definitely a picture they took, not some professional or anything like that. The man on the left had a black, well fitted suit with his admittedly gorgeous hands holding a glass of whiskey. The man on the right was a bit less put together with torn jeans and a blue jean vest over his bare chest just barely blocking the tattoos that peaked out. You assume he must have long hair because the ends of wavy locks rested on his shoulders.

When most men reached out to you it was with some silly pick-up line or innuendo. This profile, however, simply sent you one word; “Hello.”

(8:45pm) “Hey there. Not much for words?”

(8:47pm) “We imagine you’ve heard them all. : ). “

(8:48pm) “Are you really two people? Or do you just have an extra ego?”

(8:48pm) “Oh or let me guess! Your dick is so big it counts as another person.

(8:50pm) “I mean my friend IS a big dick but lol”

(8:51pm) “Yeah, honey, it’s really two people. We like to be clear about that. Any Baby that becomes ours would be just that; ours. 

(8:53pm) “We’ve learned pretty quickly not many women feel comfortable with two Daddies which is absolutely fine and why we are up front.”

(8:54pm) “How up front are you being really when you don’t show your face?”

(8:55pm) “Hm. Not a yes girl. I like that. It’s good to ask questions. 

(8:57pm) “We do that for a couple of reasons. One being we are well known faces so we don’t want a Baby to choose us solely on that.”

(8:57pm) “Because you don’t want to be embarrassed?”

(9:00pm) “Asking questions is good. Interrupting isn’t. Don’t do it again.”

(9:01pm) “Or what?”

…

(9:08pm) “Or what, huh?”

(9:15pm) “Fuck you! Ignoring isn’t very Daddy like!”

(9:16pm) “Oh? Did little baby get her feelings hurt? We don’t ignore as punishments but you aren’t ours yet, sweetheart. If you don’t want to follow any rules that’s fine. We can just continue looking and you can be a brat with someone else.”

(9:18pm) “I’m sorry.”

(9:19pm) “What’s the other reason?”

(9:22pm) “Actually, that’s the biggest reason. Our fame gets in the way of a lot of things if you can believe it. Expectations are ruined and certain ideals are put in place.”

(9:23pm) “My reputation as a rockstar makes some ladies think I can’t be soft and I definitely can. Our image isn’t solely who we are.”

(9:25pm) “I can understand that. Being a bigger girl people think I’m either desperate or my weight becomes a fetish to them. Which, I mean, fetishes are fine but men make me feel like…it’s the ONLY reason they are sexually attracted to me.”

(9:26pm) “And not because of your personality. Yeah…”

(9:28pm) “Is that why you’re a bit of a brat? Lol need to weed out the idiots?”

(9:30pm) “Something like that. Lol.”

(9:32pm) “Baby, I think my friend and I are in agreement that we’d like to try this out if you’re willing. You don’t have to see us or do anything you don’t want. Per the anonymity that was mentioned, we aren’t going to give our names so you don’t have too either. We also won’t be showing our faces so, again, you don’t have to.”

(9:33pm) “More than anything, we just want someone to look out for and talk to. Maybe make you feel good from time to time if you let us.”

(9:35pm) “Ok, Daddy.”

(9:36pm) “Good. Good girl. : ). We can talk on here until the three of us get more comfortable and then we can give you our numbers so you can talk to us there or individually. As you can imagine, rockstar travels a lot and so do I for deals so we aren’t always together 24/7.”

(9:40pm) “Are you both friends or partners?”

(9:42pm) “Friends for sure.”

(9:43pm) “Ok, baby girl, we’ll let you go but we’ll talk to you tomorrow. Get some sleep.”

(9:45pm) “Good night, Daddy.”

(9:46pm) “*Daddies”

(9:48pm) “Good night, honey.”

(9:48pm) “Sweet dreams, princess.”

As you laid in bed that night, you couldn’t help but wonder who they could be. You did some quick googling of businessmen who were friends with rockstars but that was stupid because that was a very common friendship found within industries. Rolling over, you plugged in your phone to charge it, pausing when you heard it ding.

Mogul/Rockstar deposited $300 into your account!!

Wow. No man had ever sent you that much just for an introductory conversation. Maybe because it was two of them they felt the need? As you drifted off to sleep, you found yourself getting more and more curious about them, dreaming of possibilities that may come to be.

############

That first month went by a lot smoother than you expected it to when it came to this account. They were incredibly kind and genuinely seemed to care about your day and what you were up to. Any time you voiced any kind of concern, they listened and did what they could. For example, you wished you could tell who was responding when since at the moment they replied as one. A few minutes later Rockstar changed his text to be red so you knew you were talking to him. 

When it came to finances, they were more than generous, giving you a set amount of $500 at the end of each day. They never once asked for anything sexual or made innuendos about their bodies or yours. 

As the second month began however you found yourself getting antsy.

(6:42pm) “May I ask a question?”

(6:43pm) “Yeah, of course, anything, honey.”

(6:45pm) “Can we do something…I mean can you help me…”

(6:46pm) “We can help with anything, princess. You just have to ask like a big girl.”

(6:47pm) “Can you…help me cum…”

(6:47pm) “Please, Daddy.”

(6:48pm) “We can do that for you, pretty girl. If you want. You remember the rules?”

(6:48pm) “Yes, Daddy.”

(6:49pm) “You don’t even have to turn on your camera or mic or anything. You can just…watch me.”

(6:50pm) “We never do anything we don’t want to do.”

(6:51pm) “But we would love to watch you cum. Do you have toys or were you just going to use your fingers?”

(6:53pm) “I have toys, Daddy.”

(6:54pm) “I actually just got this rabbit vibrator but I have no idea how to use it.”

(6:57pm) Mogul/ Rockstar has invited you for a video chat.

Biting your bottom lip, you grab your mask and pull it over your eyes, checking your appearance in the camera box before clicking their link. The camera box was still just their image from the site which you expected but was pleasantly surprised when a husky voice flowed through your speakers. 

“Hey, honey. You don’t have to turn your mic on if you don’t want to. We just thought it would be fair since you’re about to vulnerable with us.”

You smiled as you turned on your microphone. 

“Is it vulnerable? It’s just…masturbating right?”

“I mean, are you playing with yourself on the internet for just anyone?”

The second voice that followed through sounded extremely familiar as if you heard it somewhere before. It was incredibly sexy none the less. 

“No.”

“Then I would say you’re being vulnerable, babe. Jesus, you are really beautiful by the way.”

“Thank you, Daddy.”, you beam.

“Can we ask why shorts and an oversized shirt? Most women wear the lingerie or a bra and panties.”

“Or are totally naked.”

“I just want to be comfortable. I’m not roaming around my house in a bra and panties.”, you giggle. “I take those off as soon as I get home from work.”

“Very fair. We’ve never asked what you do. Do you feel comfortable telling us?”

“I’m a teacher. Another reason for said anonymity.”

“Again fair.”

“Um, may I ask, whose voice is whose?”

“Yeah, pretty girl. I’m the Mogul.”

“I’m the rockstar.”

Smiling, you nod but you find yourself completely unsure of how to proceed. Usually, you could play innocent and do what you needed in the bedroom but something about these men were making you…

“Honey, are we making you a little nervous?”, Mogul asked in a sweet tone. 

“Yeah a little bit. I’m sorry.”

“No reason to be sorry, sweetheart. Can you do your Daddies a favor and show us the toy you got?”

Like a little kid in a store, your smile grew as you opened the box by your feet and produced the pink vibrator, displaying it for them to see.

“Is that your favorite kind of toy?”

“Usually men are but—” You quickly covered your mouth with your palm not meaning to let your sass slip out like that. Again, you were surprised when you heard both men laugh.

“I like that sassy attitude.”

“The confidence to.”, Mogul adds. “Don’t cover up that personality for us, baby girl. We’re big boys. We can handle it.”

“Most men can’t.”

“Most men aren’t us.”

“That’s for damn sure.”, you smirk as your thighs rub together. 

“Why don’t you take off those short for us, sweetheart?”, Rockstar suggests as you nod, rising from your chair to bring them down and toss them aside. “Good girl. Can you open your legs for us so we can see that pretty pussy?”

Licking your lips, you close your eyes as your open your legs giving them a good view. 

“Open your eyes, baby girl, and don’t move them from the camera.”, Mogul commands in a firm tone. “Jesus, man. I bet she tastes really fucking sweet.”

“And is really fucking tight. That toy is going to stretch you out I bet.”

You moan at their words as you tease your slit with the end of the vibrator.

“I wish you both were here to help me.”, you whine as you palm slides under your shirt to massage your breast. 

“Go ahead, honey. Push it into your cunt and tell us how it feels.”

Mewling, you easily guide it inside of you, the subtle vibration against your clit driving you crazy.

“Fuck, it feels so good, Daddy.”

“Yeah, princess? Fuck, I’ve never wanted to eat a pussy so bad in my life. Look at her. I just want her to ride my face till she cums over and over.”

“Fuck…yes.”

“You’d like that, baby? Make a mess all over Rockstar’s face.”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“Such a dirty little girl. Can you say it for us?”

“I’m…I’m a dirty girl. Fuck, Daddy, it feels so good inside of me.”

“Fuck, baby girl. You’re so fucking sexy. Make yourself cum.”

“Can I, Daddy? Please. I’m so close.”

“Yeah, sweetheart. You have our permission.”

Your body shook as you came, your hips grinding against the toy as you elongated your high. 

“Good girl, honey. Very good. Come back to us.”

“Th-thank you. Thank you.”, you grin as you bite your lip. “Wait, did you guys cum? I wanna hear it.”

“This was about you, babe. We didn’t touch ourselves.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that we’re really fucking hard though after that display.”, Rockstar laughed.

“Are you serious? You guys didn’t…at all. Most men do.”

The image in their camera box suddenly changes and their laps from the waist down come into your view. Both men were wearing shorts and you could vaguely see their bulges poking through. Their hands were gorgeous, one littered with rings that you assumed belonged to the rockstar. 

“Again…we aren’t most men.”

“Don’t make us have to remind you again.”

Nodding, you softly apologize as you lean back in your chair.

“What’s wrong, baby? Are you pouting?”, Mogul asks in a tone that makes you smile. 

“Not really. I just…I wish you could hold me.”

“Yeah…yeah, princess, we wish we could to.”

“Will you ever trust me enough to show me your faces?”

You listen as they heavily sigh.

“Maybe. Let’s just take this one step at a time, ok?”

After your good nights and lying in bed alone, you don’t know why but you begin to cry. You had been alone for so long, broken hearted from the bullshit your ex put you through. You loved what the site offered but you wondered if that momentary high would be enough to sustain you. You just wanted someone who would hold you and tell you everything was alright. Someone who would take care of you and make you feel safe so you didn’t have to worry anymore about…everything. 

As your phone dinged, you glanced at the notification that illuminated your screen. 

Mogul/Rockstar deposited $2000 into your account!!

Hardening your heart, you reminded yourself that you were strong, squeezing your eyes tightly shut as you forced yourself to sleep. 

##############

(6:15pm) “Hey beautiful. What are your plans tonight? Rockstar and I were thinking maybe the three of us could have a camera date and just talk. Nothing sexual.”

(6:17pm) “You don’t have to of course.”

(6:20pm) “Sweetheart, you know how we feel about you not answering.”

(6:25pm) “Shit, you guys. I’m so sorry. I was charging my phone while I was getting ready! I actually have plans tonight.”

(6:27pm) “Ooo that sounds like fun. Spending some time with friends?”

(6:29pm) “Not exactly lol My ex actually invited me to dinner so we could talk about some things.”

(6:30pm) “You’re going on a date?”

(6:32pm) “Um, I guess you can call it that.”

(6:32pm) “Is that a problem?”

(6:33pm) “We made it clear that if you agreed to be our Baby you would be ours.”

(6:34pm) “Virtually, yes, but the information and rules you gave me didn’t say I couldn’t go out on a date. 

(6:35pm) “What. Did you think I was just going to be ok with not knowing who you two were and never having you two fuck me or hold me. 

(6:35pm) “To not go on actual dates and feel wanted.

(6:36pm) “Needed.”

(6:38pm) “Didn’t realize you needed everything spelled out for you. Relationships take time. Like you we imagine, we’ve been burned before. We don’t want another whore who’s only dating us for our money or status. We deal with fake people enough!”

(6:39pm) “We like talking to you and you’re so beautiful. We WANT to see where this goes but if you’re in that much of a rush maybe this was a bad idea.”

This Baby is currently offline. You may leave messages for her and she will get this when she logs back in!!

***

(9:32pm) CurvyBabyWAttitude has invited you for a video chat!!

(9:34pm) Mogul/Rockstar declined your invitation for a video chat.

(9: 35pm) “Please…I need you…”

(9:38pm) “Now you need us? After your date I’m thinking didn’t go well since it’s 9:30.”

(9:39pm) “Try again, little girl. We aren’t the kind of men you use whenever you feel like.”

(9:41pm) “We have feelings to.”

(9:45pm) “What? No sassy come back? Nothing sarcastic you want to say?”

(9:50pm) Mogul/Rockstar has invited you for a video chat!!

“Jesus Christ. What happened, baby?!”

When you illuminated their screen, you were a complete mess. Your hair was frayed every which way and even under the mask covering your eyes they could tell your make up was smeared from tears. Your black dress that you had worn was torn at the sleeve, hanging down as you held it together with your hand. 

“Did that fucker hurt you?”, Rockstar growled. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know who to call. I’m so sorry, Daddy. I should have stayed here with you. I’m just so tired of feeling lonely. As soon as that fucker showed me even a little bit of attention I just…”

You listened as they mumbled to each other, unable to make out what they were saying as you dried your tears with your fist. 

“We’re in New York right now. Are you close to that state?”

“Y-Yes?”

“Do you trust us? Say it.”, Mogul replies sternly when you nod.

“Yes, I trust you.”

“There’s a hotel outside of the city. I’ll message you the address and room number. You follow the instructions we give you to the letter. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

***

“Hi, um, I’m checking into a room…under, um, Baby Girl.”

You cringe as you relay the information but all the young lady does behind the hotel counter is beam over at you as she types on her computer. 

“Ah and here’s your key. Do you need an escort or anything?”

“Oh, uh, no, ma’am, thank you.”

“No problem! The gentleman said he would be right there.”

You glanced around you nervously as you rode the glass elevator up to the floor your room was at. You appreciated that they didn’t make you go to some run-down Bates Motel but you were still a bit on edge. 

Heading for the door, you paused taking a deep breath before putting in the key and slowly entering the room. It was a modest little room but lived up to its five-star rating just on looks alone. Shifting your gaze, you realized quickly you were alone but noticed a note with the words “Baby Girl” on the mattress. 

Lifting it up, you found a black silk eye mask one would use for sleeping folded underneath. 

“Please place this mask over your eyes and we will be right in. 

We know it took a lot of trust for you to drive out here so we’re trying to meet you halfway.”

Taking a seat, you sighed as you tried to put the thing over your head, struggling a bit as a bruise had begun to form where your ex tugged at your dress. 

The sound of the door clicking and swinging slowly open caught your attention as you froze in place. 

“Um, f-full disclosure, my eyes are closed as well. I couldn’t get this thing further down and I could see under the—” You point at the bottom of the mask as the door closed. 

Cologne filled your nostrils as footsteps walked closer to you. 

“Is it ok if I touch you so I can fix it?”

Your head tilted to the side at the sultry, smooth voice just above you.

“Yeah…who-who is this?”

“I’m the mogul in our name. Rockstar is on his way.”

“Were you two not together?”

You feel the atmosphere shift as he kneels in front of you and his fingers gently hold your head as he adjusts the mask to be more comfortable.

“We were but he wanted to stop and grab some things in the lobby. How does that feel?”

“Better, thank you.”

He withdrawals his hands but he doesn’t move as you feel his eyes scanning you over. Braving crossing a boundary, your hands carefully reach out and find his cheeks. Taking a hold of your wrists, Mogul helps guide your movement over his fluffy hair making you smile at how soft it is. When your thumb finds his lips, he exhales heavily and his warm breath has your pussy clenching around nothing. 

Abruptly, the door beeps and opens again as the smell of cigarettes fills the room.

“Do you know how hard it is to find ice in this goddamn palace!?”

Your head tilts again as you try to follow the new voice as he moves about the room. 

“And that would be the rockstar.”, the man in front of you assures as he pats your thigh and sits beside you. As he goes to release your hand, you immediately reach for him again, afraid of being in the dark now that they were here.

“Next building you buy should be a fucking hotel so you can put things where us humans can find them.”

You hear what sounds like someone being lightly hit as everything becomes silent again. 

“Hey, sweetheart. Sorry. My mouth tends to move before my brain does.”, he replies in your direction at a bit of a calmer register as he bounces on to the bed beside you. “God, asshole got you good, huh? Ok, this is going to be cold.”

You yelp and wince when something freezing lands on your arm. 

“I searched for like an actual icepack but I guess the 5 stars don’t include first aid.”

“Ok! I get it. You’re not used to fancy places, dude. Jesus.”

Rockstar laughs through his teeth making you smile again as your free hand reaches towards where you assume he is. Your fingers touch hair first and your eyebrows scrunch together as you realize you found the ends just above his shoulder. 

“Yeah, I, uh, wouldn’t run my fingers through that. It’s all tangled. You may get stuck and have to stay with us forever.”, he chuckles before it trails off. 

You can feel them both watching you as your palm finds his cheek and like with his friend your thumb moves along his bottom lip. They were a bit more chapped but based on the smell you assumed that was due to the cigarettes. As your hand began to travel down his neck, you paused and pulled away not wanted to make either man uncomfortable. 

“I’m sorry.”, you mumble.

“What are you sorry for, honey?”

“I don’t mean to be…that much of a brat, you know. I like talking to you both to and I want to see where this goes but…I guess I’m like him sometimes.” You pause as you gesture towards the rockstar. “My mouth moves before my brain. I’ll understand if you don’t want to be my Daddies anymore.”

Both men were silent for what felt like an eternity before the ice was removed from your skin and replaced by lips. A pleasant sigh escaped you as he tenderly kissed your bruises.

“Why did you ex hurt you?”, Mogul asked.

“Because he’s a fucker.”

“Yeah, we gathered that.”, Rockstar teased as he leaned away from you but intertwined your fingers with his. 

“He, uh, took me on a date to this tacky little restaurant that I told him a million times I hate and then on the drive home he insinuated because he took me out I’d want to…you know.”, you exhale as your head hangs. “I’m just so tired of being lonely. I just want someone to take care of me. ME. Not the supposed ‘whore who needs to be put in her place’ or ‘the desperate big girl’. I’m strong and I can take care of myself. I’m just…tired.”

Fingers tenderly moved your hair behind on of your ears. 

“God, I love your attitude.”

“It’s not uncommon for us to constantly run into ‘yes’ people. It’s one of the problems we have with Babies. Always ‘Yes, Daddy.’ Or ‘Of course, Daddy.’ Sometimes we can’t tell if it’s them being genuine or pandering to us to get what they want. Which…I guess is fine but…”

“Not what we’re looking for.”

Your hands search for Mogul’s face and he grins as he leans in allowing you to touch him. When your lips find his, however, he hastily pulls back and rises to his feet. 

“Hey, no, honey. You don’t have to do that. That’s not why we came down here.”

You feel yourself start to panic, losing your bearings since you can’t see. You had gotten used to them both being next to you and when he stood up you suddenly felt lost. 

“I’m right here, princess. You’re ok. Everything’s ok.”, Rockstar murmurs in your ear as he squeezes your thigh.

“You don’t want to fuck me?”, you ask to the void, unsure of exactly where the other man may be. 

A deep, guttural groan echoes in front of you as you turn your head towards it.

“I’ve never wanted something or someone so bad in my life, baby, but… that’s not why we came here.”

“He doesn’t want you to feel used. Your ex tried to do that and he doesn’t want you to feel like we’re the same.”

“I don’t. I don’t feel that way at all, Daddy.” Your voice had dropped into that little girl tone as you fully allowed yourself to be vulnerable for them. “Please…”

Lips connected to yours again but the taste was different. The nicotine that lingered on his tongue mixed with the slight taste of mint toothpaste set your body on fire as it fully came to life and you wrapped your arms around the man’s neck as he gently tilted you onto your back.

The bed dipped on your other side and you disconnected from one set of lips to another. You became lost in his kisses as his tongue danced with yours and their hands roamed your skin. 

“We’re going to be gentle tonight, baby girl. Let us take care of you.”

You allowed them to undress you and waited patiently as they removed their own clothes. Lying on either side of you, they each lifted one of your legs over their hips as their lips and tongues sucked on your neck.

Rockstar’s fingers glided through your folds and you groaned loudly as he massaged circles into your clit. While running your hand through his hair, Mogul licked and sucked on one of your nipples making your hips buck as you searched for more friction. 

“Please.”

“What do you want, sweetheart? You want my fingers?”

“Yes, Daddy, please.”

His nose presses against your cheek, his mouth opening in a silent moan as he effortlessly guides two of his digits inside of your core. 

“Fuck. I was right. You are tight. Jesus, sweetheart, our cocks are going to stretch you open, baby.”

“Can…Can I have you both?”

“Can you handle that?”, Mogul asked with a slight whine of want. 

“Yeah, Daddy. I can, I promise.”

“Baby girl, I don’t think you understand what you’re asking for.”, he chuckles and you listen as he sucks on what you assume is his fingers. “You may think we’re cocky but trust us we’ve earned the right to be.”

You suck in a breath as you twist your hips and feel two long thick fingers pushed into your ass as both men thrust their digits into you. 

“Oh…my…”

“Can a little girl like you handle your Daddy’s big cocks inside of you at the same time?”

Your hands cling to the man in front of you as you passionately kiss him, his tongue catching your moans as you tremble and trench his fingers as you cum. 

“Y-Yes, I can…I can handle it.”

They abruptly sit up and manhandle you around the bed, Mogul’s arms holding you tightly as he places himself on the edge of the mattress with his legs hanging off the side. Just as you had, his palm comes up to caress your face as his thumb traces your lips. 

“You’re so beautiful, baby.” You softly smile at the sincerity in his voice while he circles your arms around his neck. “Just hang on to Daddy, ok? We got you.”

His hair tickles your nose as he tilts his head and grips his cock between your bodies. 

“Shit, um, I almost forgot. Is it ok…I don’t think we have condoms.”

“It’s ok. I’m protected and I’m clean. You can cum inside me…if you want to…”

“Fuck, sweetheart, you’re going to kill us. Ok, go ahead and baby let me know when you’re ready for me.”

“Yes, sir.”

You feel his mushroom tip tease your entrance making you both moan. 

“Take your time, honey. I got you.”

As you slowly descend onto him, he sucks in a breath as your fingers thread through his hair. 

“So big. Fuck, Daddy.”

“How does she feel, man?”

“Mmpf, tight. That’s it. You’re almost there.”

When you’re fully seated on top of him, his forehead leans to rest on yours as his humid breath fans your face. The action causes you to clench around him and he grunts in pleasure.

“Hang on to me.”, he whispers as he tips back onto his hands tilting you with him. 

Rockstar spits in his palm behind you and you mewl as he rubs it between your cheeks.

“Are you ready, princess?”

“Yes, Daddy, I’m ready.”

Holding your ass open, he gradually slides into you.

“Oh fuck. I wasn’t expecting… goddamn baby girl.”

Ringed fingers take hold of your bicep as both men thrust into you at the same time hitting every spot inside of you that has you melting into them. 

“Oh my God. Yes!”

“Yeah, baby? Fuck, dude. I don’t know how—mmm—how long I’m gonna last. Her ass feels so good.” A hand slaps your behind making you moan as another strong palm grips the back of your thigh guiding your movements as you bounce back into theirs. 

Lips in front of you open mouth kiss your chest up to your neck as you push them closer to your skin. 

“Please. Fuck, Daddy! M’gonna cum.”

Slamming their hips up to meet yours, your body quivers as the coil snaps.

“Atta girl, honey! Making a mess all over our cocks and coming hard like that. So fucking sexy.”

Clinging to them tightly, you allowed them to use you to chase their highs. The man behind you warms your insides first, grunting as his rhythm falters. The man in front of you soon follows thrusting his spend deep inside of you.

“We’re going to pull out, sweetheart, ok?”

“Ok, Daddy.”

After carefully removing themselves, you feel yourself being lifted into the air and spun around before being placed on soft pillows. A wet rag cleans you and you pleasantly sigh as you curl under the covers that were placed over your body. 

“Are you both going to stay?”

Cool metal touches your skin as a hand pets your head. 

“Do you want us to?”

“I promise I won’t look.”

Warmth encases you as they lay on either side, murmuring praises as you steadily fall asleep. 

#################

When you woke up the next morning you were alone, finding a note on the nightstand that said they thought it best to leave before you woke up but that the room was yours for as long as you need and to message them when you made it home. 

You did what they requested but decided to utilize the rest of your Sunday for yourself thinking about everything that happened. You heard your phone pinging but you didn’t want to talk to anyone wishing you could call in that following Monday. Unfortunately, you made a promise to a friend, you couldn’t break. 

“Y/N, honey, are you alright?”, your colleague asks as she lightly elbows your side. 

“I’m fine. Just an interesting weekend.”

“Alright, guys so this where all the important decisions are made.”, the building tour guide obnoxiously smiled as she guided the class around the office space. “Let’s see if the boss is available.”

“Well thank you for chaperoning with me. When Mrs. Ludwig cancelled I thought I would have to reschedule.”

“No problem. I know nothing about business and economics but…”, you giggle. 

“Holy shit!”

“Mark!”, your friend shouts. “Watch your mouth! Jesus!”

“Mrs. Raymond, it’s Eddie Munson. The guitarist from Corroded Coffin!”

Turning your head in that direction, you realize two men are staring your way, one of them indeed the famous rockstar. 

Rockstar…

Blinking you tilt your head as you notice the rings on his fingers.

That voice. I knew that voice.

“It’s not uncommon for us to see Mr. Munson around here. Him and Mr. Harrington have been friends for a long time. Right, sir?”, the tour guide asks.

“Steve Harrington? The business mogul?”

Mogul…

“See, Y/N. You know some things about the business world.”, your friend grins. 

As the world around you seems to slow down to a halt, you three continue to stare at each other as you figure out where to go from here.

[stellarspecter]

@strangerthingswritersguild Daily Prompt 1/7/25: Browser History

Pairings: steddie, platonic stobin | Word Count: 895 | Rating: M (for mentions of sexual activity)

divider by @/saradika-graphics

Read on AO3

Eddie sat down on the couch and opened his boyfriend's laptop. Since his own was out of commission for a little bit, they were sharing for the next however long it would take for him to get his computer fixed. It was weird to be using someone else's computer — especially since Steve still used Chrome, ew — but it was better than being relegated to just his phone for weeks. It felt cramped to do everything on such a tiny screen.

Eddie was, as always, looking for a new guitar, and he'd heard there was a new Les Paul model out, so he opened up a new tab and typed in ‘L-E-S’.

Autocomplete popped up with Steve's recent suggested searches:

Lesbian porn Lesbians scissoring Best lesbian porn Best website for lesbian porn Lesbian strap-on Lesbian pegging Lesbian butch on femme Lesbian femme on femme Lesbian threesome

Eddie stared at the screen unblinkingly for several seconds. He knew Steve was bisexual, but… this was a little much. Especially for a man who had confessed to being much more into men recently, due to his boyfriend of a year and half and all that. 

Maybe he was missing being with women? The thought twisted something in Eddie's stomach.

Did Steve feel like he was missing out being with Eddie? Was he unhappy? Was he looking for someone else?

The very man in question walked up behind him, a cup of coffee in his hand as he slumped down on the couch next to him.

“Hey, babe,” Steve said, and leaned over to give him a peck on the cheek. “What're you — oh.”

Clearly, Steve had seen what was on the screen.

“Yeah, oh,” Eddie echoed. “What's this all about?”

Steve shrugged, seemingly unbothered by Eddie finding his porn preferences. “It was for Robin.”

…Honestly, Eddie should have thought of that.

“You watch porn with Robin?” He said incredulously. He just couldn't imagine that. And how could he not know? They'd been dating for over a year. They'd talked about what porn they watched. Hell, they'd even watched some together. Steve had never mentioned Robin.

Steve just shrugged again. Did he not see how weird this was? “Yeah. Haven't you ever watched porn with your friends?”

Eddie sputtered. “Wh— Why would I — No! Of course not! Steve, I'm gay, none of my straight friends would want to watch porn with me!”

Steve paused. “Okay, that's fair,” he conceded. “But I promise it's not a weird thing for friends to do. Me and Tommy used to do it all the time.”

Eddie snorted. “And let me guess, it was an excuse to jerk each other off but say no homo because you were jerking it to women.”

Steve flushed. “No!” He paused. “Hands stay to yourself, everyone knows that.”

“Oh my god, jerking off in the same room is still not a straight guy activity!” Jocks were so dumb and gay. How did they live like this? Eddie wondered in despair.

“I'm not a straight guy! I know!” Steve countered indignantly. “And anyway, that doesn't matter for me and Robin. Obviously she doesn't want to jerk me off and I don't want to do anything she's uncomfortable with.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “But she's fine getting off in the same room as you?”

“I mean, she wasn't at first,” Steve explained. “She used to be really skittish about it. But after a while, we were both getting worked up enough while watching them and just kind of stopped caring.”

Eddie was silent for a moment. “So let me get this straight,” he started. “You and your lesbian best friend have been getting together to watch — I'm assuming just lesbian porn?” 

Steve nodded. “I mean, she doesn't really want to see guys.”

“So then why are you there — nevermind, I know you'll say something weird,” Eddie sighed. Steve pouted and mouthed something that looked like ‘emotional support jock’ to himself. “You and your lesbian best friend have been getting together to watch lesbian porn together, and sometimes jerk off in the same room together, for… some period of time that's longer than I think, probably, and you haven't even told me about it?”

Steve's face, which had been amused through Eddie's breakdown, dropped at the last line. “Oh shit, was I supposed to tell you? I'm not cheating on you! It's Robin!”

“I know you're not!” Eddie exclaimed. “It's just like… I don't know. Would be nice to know what kind of porn my boyfriend likes. Could take some pointers.” He shrugged, all of a sudden self-conscious.

Steve bundled him in his arms, kissing him pointedly on the lips. “Trust me, you don't need any pointers,” he whispered. “And I watch different stuff on my own anyway.”

“Good,” Eddie whispered, and got distracted kissing his boyfriend for a little bit. 

After they had untangled and settled back down on the couch, ready to actually look at guitars this time, Eddie finally asked, “So how did you start watching porn with Robin anyway? Seems kind of out of left field.”

Steve shrugged and leaned his head on Eddie's shoulder, watching him scroll through listing after listing of expensive guitars. “Movie night,” he said simply, like that was enough of an answer. 

And maybe for anyone else it wouldn't be, but for Steve and Robin? There was nothing else he needed to say.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩

96 for 🪩:

---

Chris coughs, cheeks going red. “Yep… Uh, romantic.”

Oh, come on, buddy. Why did he inherit his father’s lack of game? Where’s the kid with five girlfriends?

Ainslee takes a deep breath. “You think so, Chris?”

“Yeah,” Chris nods emphatically. “Buck’s really smart.”

Buck smiles a little proudly. What a kid. 

“Okay,” Ainslee sighs. “Ivory it is.”

🪩

The day drags on after that. They drive back to the shoe place and get Eddie’s shoes. Way behind schedule. By that point, the kids are asking to stop for lunch. Lunch was not on the schedule. It’s like a call at work. You eat when you’re done. But whatever. Chris wants to stop for lunch? They stop for lunch. 

This puts them behind for the next two errands. The flower dress and the rings. Between these two points, they drop Ainslee off. Buck is highly relieved to have her out of the car. Chris may like her but Buck thinks she’s squirrelly. And he’s already a little tightly wound today so he doesn’t need more of that energy nearby. 

The last thing to do is Eddie’s surprise. His plan had initially been to drop Christopher off, to avoid Chris learning about the surprise. But they’re nearly two and a half hours behind schedule, so there’s no time. So, annoyed by the prospect as he might be, Chris gets to join Buck for the long, traffic-ridden drive down to a shop near Hermosa Beach. 

“Where are we going?” Chris sighs, looking out the window at the cars passing by on the other side of the freeway.

“Uh, can’t tell you,” Buck says.

“Because of the surprise for Dad?” Chris asks.

“Yep,” Buck nods.

“I won’t tell him,” Chris promises. “I didn’t tell you he was going to propose, did I?”

Buck smirks. “I guess that’s true.”

“So?” 

“So, I’m still not telling you,” Buck says. “I’m keeping it locked down.”

“Locked down?” Chris rolls his eyes. 

“Yep,” Buck says. “My lips are sealed.”

But it doesn’t matter. By the time they reach the place - which looks like a hole in the wall, but it’s just because the whole operation is sort of underground - it’s closed. The thing he was most wanting to pick up today, but that was totally out of the way of all the other stuff, can’t be done. His schedule was ruined. Obliterated. Buck just really hopes he finds, what? A couple hours at some point in the coming insane weeks to make it down here without explaining to Eddie what he’s doing.

“Seriously?” Chris says when Buck gets back in the Jeep. “We drove all this way and it’s closed? You couldn’t have checked its hours online?”

“They don’t exactly have a website,” Buck says, teeth clenched. “Sorry, Chris.”

“It’s fine,” Chris sighs. “I’m just really busy this week, Buck.”

No fucking kidding.

🪩

“You seem tense,” Eddie observes later that night, when they’re getting ready for bed. “Long day?”

“It’s all fine,” Buck says. “Prom emergencies averted, necessary wedding stuff acquired.”

“But?”

“But, yeah, that was a long day,” Buck admits.

“Well, thanks anyway,” Eddie says sincerely. “I appreciate you handling that linen situation.”

“Oh, god,” Buck sighs, flopping down into bed beside Eddie. “I think I prevented a homicide.”

“Oh? That bad. She’s usually more like… An eye gouging risk?”

“This is who your son has chosen to love,” Buck tells him.

“Yeah. Dramatic and intense about plans and events. I wonder what is subconsciously inspiring that?”

“I don’t know!” 

Eddie laughs. “I think with all the people you’ve been into in your life before you finally wisened up, you have no room to judge.”

Buck smirks. “I guess that’s true.”

“I think that’s the last prom thing I offered to do before the actual day, so we should be free now,” Eddie says. 

“Aw,” Buck pouts a little. “I can’t believe it’s actually almost here.”

“You’re telling me,” Eddie says. “He was four yesterday.”

“Stop. I’ll cry,” Buck threatens. 

[notafragilething]

Not-So-Late Night Buck & Tommy Ramblings: I'm Back!

I have survived my chaos week and, with the help of a very large Iced Latte, I'm here to share all the thoughts that have been building up this week in the world of Buck & Tommy. I'm not going in any specific order but I'm going to start with the thing I find most significant and that is what is happening in regards to interviews with Ryan this past week.

Another clip of Ryan talking about Buddie dropped today and I've seen two extremely opposite reactions to it amongst fans. In this clip he basically said he wasn't a writer, he'd be open to it if it happened but said it was important for the storyline to be seen as a heterosexual man supporting his bisexual friend and how things didn't change. Some people think this means Buddie is definitely happening in season 8 (or even a reveal of some feelings this season) while others think this means that Buddie is getting less and less likely. Those favoring it and saying it means Buddie will happen seem to be focusing on the fact that they were still allowed to ask Buddie-related questions. I bring this up because I do think it plays into the discussion of whether Tommy will be a more long term love interest moving into season 8.

What I find most important about this answer is how it is almost exactly the same as all his other responses to Buddie-related questions from that week. He hit the exact same key points and I think it's very obvious at this point this isn't an organic answer. These are points that PR and marketing very likely told him to hit. And the fact that he is answering all Buddie related questions by explicitly saying Eddie is heterosexual is really standing out to me. That is, in my opinion, very intentional.

So what do I think it means? I think it means that they are definitely not planning on buddie happening (this season or next). They are intentionally linking all questions about buddie to very explicit statements that the one member of that pairing isn't queer. One big issue earlier this season, when Buck came out, was websites taking answers from other interviews and writing clickbait articles suggesting Buddie was going to happen. This makes it harder for those types of articles to pop up. It's why we likely haven't seen as many like we did with Oliver's statements (which were very similar minus explicitly saying Eddie was heterosexual). I personally think this is how they'll handle it for the remainder of the season and they'll progressively continue to distance themselves from Buddie moving into next season. Personally, I think there is a lot happening to suggest Tommy is sticking around and they're being intentional with how parts of the fandom are reacting to that. Especially since it's been a very positive reaction so far for this new couple of BuckTommy.

In other news, which is somewhat related, we know we're getting Tommy next week because he is was in the trailer. We also know that we're getting Captain Gerard at the medal ceremony. I've seen a lot of people predicting this will somehow impact Buck and Tommy but personally, I think this is going to play into bringing Tommy more into the 118 family. I think we're more likely to see an interaction between Tommy, Hen and Chimeny over him being there.

In my last post I also had people asking me about Oliver deleting a bunch of photos from Instagram. I did a bit of research and that seems like it's the norm for him.

Be back tonight for an update on the Buck/Tommy Hospital kiss reel because it hit 1 million views.

[thelikesofus]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by the wonderful @thekristen999, @spotsandsocks, and @hippolotamus xx

How many works do you have on ao3? 49

What's your total ao3 word count?

156,649 which seems crazy omg

What fandoms do you write for?

Currently 9-1-1

Previously: Fairy Tail, Akagami no Shirayukihime, and some rpf for K-Pop bands

Top five fics by kudos:

Words Fall Short (Tongue Tied and Lonely) 15k words

Buck misoverhears Eddie complaining to Hen at work and presumes the worst. He slowly starts to phase himself out of Eddie's life and Eddie doesn't know why.

you are my boy, buckaroo 1.7k words

Buck is in the wrong place at the wrong time and Athena comes to the rescue.

Lazy Sunday (Lay With Me) 1.2k words

A quiet, cuddly Sunday morning between Buck and Eddie on the Diaz couch.

ring the bells 5.3k words - Buddie CoffeeShop AU

Buck starts frequenting a coffee shop near the firehouse in hopes of running into the beautiful man whose coffee he mistakenly drank.

Wine (Whine) 1.5k words

Buck makes plans without Eddie so Eddie goes to Karen for wine and a whine and then comes home to Buck.

Do you respond to comments? Yes! I try to! I usually reply to some the same day I post a fic and then go back and reply to the rest a few weeks later. But every comment is so important to me <3

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I am incapable of not writing happy endings haha but the angstiest content in a fic was probably in lightning crashes seeing as Buck literally died right in front of Eddie's eyes, more than once.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Crushes, Shivers and Bruised Knuckles has a super cute sappy ending <3

Do you get hate on fics?

Not often, I've had the odd snide comment but so far I've been pretty lucky.

Do you write smut? Nope. Just not my writing vibe.

Craziest crossover:

Haven't written any crossover fics yet but i've been dipping my toes into AUs a bit more recently.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Years ago yes sort of, I had a fic reposted to another website without my permission but still credited to me.

Have you ever had a fic translated? No, not yet.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not published, but the lovely @lilbuddie and I have played around with some ideas before.

All time favourite ship? Buddie, they have taken me over body and soul. Never has a ship inspired me to write so many fics.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have a few WIPs from other fandoms (not 911) that I abandoned a long time ago and now the source material has changed too much for the fics to make sense to finish which is sad cos some of them I was really excited about (RIP the Australian Adoption Adventure fic).

What are your writing strengths?

Descriptions, particularly of physical intamicy/tactile situations cos I'm hyper aware of where everyone's limbs are at all times. I think I'm pretty good at getting character's verbal tone right too.

What are your writing weaknesses? Other than finishing WIPs?? Long fics, honestly. I have so many ideas but find it really hard to plot out and execute long form fics.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? Character specific I think.

First fandom you wrote in? Fairy Tail

Favourite fic you've written? I have some new WIPs coming soon that I think will take the title but here's some current favs:

9-1-1:

Crushes, Shivers and Bruised Knuckles 9k words

Eddie starts kickboxing, goes to therapy and realizes he's in love with Buck.

lightning crashes 9.7k words

Eddie is thrown from the ladder truck during a lightning storm on a call but it is Buck who ends up in the hospital.

Not 9-1-1:

Hindsight (Through Rose Tinted Glasses) - Stray Kids (8.6k)

Hearts Beat (Louder Than Bombs) - NCT War AU (25k ongoing)

Tagging a few lovely mutuals who might like to share:

@loserdiaz @shortsighted-owl @sibylsleaves @monsterrae1 @spaceprincessem @elvensorceress @bekkachaos and anyone else who wants to tag me in their version of this! I love hear about people's writing xx

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Hello there. You are one of my favourite blog on this website and I absolutely adore that you are 100% honest in every single ask.

So that's why I want your opinion.

I'm absolutely obsessed with the concept of "buck fell first, Eddie fell harder" and I was wondering what was your opinion about it. And if you agree, when do you think buck fell and how about Eddie. When he fell in love with buck.

Thank you and have a lovely day!

Nonnie Nonnie Nonnie!!!!!

That might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me! I'm just over here doing my thing and it still baffles me that people want to read my ramblings! I do worry that my honesty can come of as a bit blunt but sugar coating things isn't my style 😬

my opinion on Buck fell first Eddie fell harder - I tend to agree - sometimes I flip flop a bit on it and its difficult to quantify why, but I always seem to come back to this opinion

The way I see it is that Buck saw Eddie and fell into Lust - only he doesn't know that thats what it is - he thinks that lust is actually envy and so he behaves like a brat. I also Buck has a competency kink but he doesn't really realise or know what to do with it and it manifests as jealousy. Then Eddie praises him and well we've known about Bucks need to be praised since the pilot episode. I think there may be a little bit of sexual attraction mixed in with it too, but I don't think thats necessarily new for Buck so he doesn't think anything of it (I maintain that Buck was attempting to flirt with the guy at the bar in Peru and stopped when the guy started checking out the girl!) and he has to work with the guy and after being fired for sex on the job - a job he really cares about, loves and that makes him feel like he's finally found his place in the world - he's not going to risk that for anything.

The thing is though Buck doesn't really know or understand his feelings and what his different feelings actually are. I've always read him as someone who's had temporary friendships and we know he hadn't had a long term relationship before Abby and h'e never had a stable loving family/ home life beyond what Maddie could give him and she was a child herself so even that, by its very nature was limited and naïve (and that is nothing against Maddie - she is incredible and did an amazing job - one that wasn't hers to do and one that essentially robbed her of her childhood). 

Basically what I'm trying to say is that Buck takes all these feelings he has and thinks that they must be what friendship is supposed to be - he has no prior experience to draw from - he's essentially been in transition his entire life and this is the longest he's stayed in one place, one job and with one set of people. Even his relationship with Abby is warped and has skewed his perspective on the differences between the types of love - romantic, sexual attraction, platonic/friendship and 'parental' because Abby existed in all of those categories. This means though that  Buck doesn't have a good template for any type of relationship at the point when he meets Eddie - they're all mixed up and confused and he is still clinging to the idea of Abby as romantic love and Eddie has Shannon so therefore anything he's feeling for Eddie is just platonic best bro's right?!! 

I don't think Buck starts to grasp that his and Eddies relationship is vastly different from a normal friendship and in fact is very much soulmate shaped until season 4 and even then I don't think he's actually comprehending that its real true deep abiding love - I think that he thinks they just have a deep friendship and Buck will never do anything to jeopardise that because for him the lawsuit and Eddie getting into fighting is still very much fresh in his memory. Then Ana comes along and Buck puts himself back out into the dating pool because and once again confuses sexual attraction with romantic attraction and builds this thing with Taylor that he’s finding is unsatisfying but Buck being the person he is -  he’s never had to do the leaving before and doesn’t want to hurt anyone the way he’s been hurt.

Buck wants a family - its what he's been searching for in all the wrong places and then stumbled into building one with his best friend and because Buck has no point of reference, he’s been incredibly slow on the uptake of what he’s built. I actually don’t think we’ve hit full Buck realisation yet and I don’t think we’ll get it until after he breaks up with Taylor - because he’s still clinging and so my feeling is that, in the lead up to the break up we’ll see Buck realising what it is he wants in a partner and relationship and that Taylor isn’t it, I don’t think it will begin to dawn on him that those things he wants are things he already has because thinking ‘I want someone like Eddie’ is no the same as thinking ‘I want Eddie.’ So I think it’s only when he clears out the emotional baggage that comes from him always being left and then having to do the leaving - that will be the moment that he truly realises that what he wanted in abstract form is what he already has, he just needs to take the next step in because its building on what he already helped build.

Then we have Eddie. Eddie who is so repressed that he’s been literally turning himself inside out trying to deny what he knows. When he first meets Buck, he’s still very much hung up on Shannon and having a wife and somehow trying to get back the thing that made him ‘fit’ into societies expectations - because he can’t be gay if he has a wife - right! Everything with Shannon is so complicated and he is confused and also still dealing with his army trauma (or rather he’s busy dealing with not dealing with his army related trauma) and because Buck is still hung up on Abby - it is very easy for Eddie to just add anything he’s feeling to the repression pile. But then Shannon dies and the Tsunami happens and Eddie is overwhelmed so that love spills out a little bit - ‘there’s no one I trust more with my son’  but its okay because its in relation to Chris so he can play it off as that, but he needs to make sure he gets a better grip on it all and thus we end up in fight club land - because he let a tiny bit of his love for Buck escape and that’s not okay because Shannon just died so he’s confused and then Buck decides a lawsuit is a good idea and Eddie can’t talk to him - this person he has come to trust and Eddie is not in control so we see the physical manifestation of the internal demons he’s fighting. 

Once Eddie has a better grip on all the guilt etc he’s feeling over Shannon, he’s in a better position to keep a handle on his feelings in general. Of course he doesn’t have total control on them - we still get the heart eyes etc. And of course there is the will of it all - Eddie can allow himself this one luxury because he can play it off as not about him - its about Christopher and also its something he can keep secret - its something he can do that he never has to tell another person - including the person he’s done it for and about. 

Eddie Changing his will is both Eddie battening down the hatches and also Eddie giving his love wings - only the love install confined to a cage - he thinks that by giving it a defined space in which to exist he won’t have to take it any further. I personally think Buck begins was a bit of a  uhh moment for Eddie - because he wanted to step in and come to Bucks aid - it was a moment when the truth could’ve come spilling out and Eddie repression cannot have that - so the very next episode - we get the Ana of it all - Eddie jumps into something that will allow him to keep repressing in a more publicly visual way - because he can’t be accused of being in love with his best friend by anyone (especially his family) if he has a girlfriend - so Ana becomes a new front for him to hide behind, and it works for a bit, but then he gets shot and Buck does exactly what Eddie would’ve wanted - he takes care of Chris but he also opens himself up - shows Eddie that Eddie needs to do something to reassure Buck of what he has, that he is loved, even if he can’t say it out loud. So he reveals the will - the biggest love confession he can give without it being a love confession and without risking very much.

There is a part of me that thinks that if Buck hadn’t started up with Taylor, then the thing with Ana would’ve probably ended much sooner than it did, because I think that Eddie might’ve actually been in a place to start talking about things a bit more openly as a result of the shooting, but then Taylor was there so Eddie shut up shop again and added the shooting to that small storage locker of trauma he has. Doing that though wasn’t a good idea - because he is now bursting at the seams and things have got to give so the panic attacks start - Eddie being Eddie - repressing everything probably thinks to himself - after Bucks advice - well if I get rid of this one thing that is taking up a lot of my energy - Ana and the pretending it requires - then I can get everything else under control. Only he can’t because Ana was the top of a slippery slope and Eddie was gathering speed. I’m mixing metaphors, but once those locker doors were opened to let out the Ana of it all, it gave room for everything else to surge forward - flooding out one after the other - until the thing at the back  that first trauma is able to escape - and that is more or less where we are now and Why Eddie has to go back to Texas. Of course Eddies love for Buck is not a trauma, it is the spark of hope that is currently giving him the ability to tentatively make his way through the trauma that is filling his world with dark - its a spark that is growing stronger and stronger and it is what he is coming to realise will give him the strength to deal with things and start over. He is accepting what he already knew -that he loves buck but now he is realising just how deep his love for Buck actually goes, and actually that that love is so strong that he’s no longer prepared to live the half life he’s been living. 

So yes Eddie fell harder but Buck will catch him up before too long - he just has some more of his own trauma to process first and that starts with him ending things with Taylor - because in some ways Taylor is Ana - the convenient front he’s hiding behind that is allowing Buck to not deal with his actual issues!

I have no idea how I ended up writing this mammoth essay!!! Hope you found it interesting Nonnie and that it answers the question in the most long winded way possible!!

[saltisnacks]

Chris is almost a perfect combination of Eddie and Buck mentally and emotionally. Buck's abandonment issues and hiding his real emotions, and Eddie's snark and struggle to give voice to anything concerning himself.

Let me give a scenario, plus a few asides, to demonstrate this and bring 5a to a close. I seriously doubt something like this will happen in the show. I just hope they handle it with care and correctly. If someone wants to use this in a work, please let me know.

For starters, at some point during the time skip, Carla gave Eddie a firm kick in the butt to get Chris into therapy.

One thing they could do, and could extend over several episodes, is have Eddie and Chris involved in an accident where Chris comes out of it with bumps and bruises, but Eddie... not so well.

And Chris sees the firefighters (maybe Mehta), who recognizes Eddie, working relentlessly to get Eddie and him free. It would help Chris see that accidents happen at any time anywhere.

Adding a cut to save dashes because this is long.

Comparison scene between safe correct usage of car seats with another not so lucky child (who still survives!) in another accident. Show an ending screen listing websites for where to find certified car seat technicians "in your area" and a notice that not all fire stations can check child seats anymore which is still the assumption by many.

Again, Buck comes to stay with him where he assumes Chris and Carla knew about the will. He drops that bomb on all three of them. TayKay doesn't understand why he would agree to this when Eddie has family that could take in Chris. Chris sasses, "Buck is family."

So there's another "wrench." The idea of suddenly being responsible for another man's child if she stays with Buck. She does eventually want kids, but by her timing and decision - not a preteen with CP out of tragedy.

I really want someone to work through his "Everyone leaves." This isn't healthy and shame on them not having Buck tell Eddie to get Chris back into therapy asap. That should have rang alarm bells with his own abandonment issues. While the "everyone" isn't true, life progresses. People move. People drift apart for a lot of reasons. People die. That's life. The similarity between Buck and Chris here...

"Can I ask what you talked about in therapy today? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Or, you could wait for your dad to wake up from his nap."

"Everyone leaves."

"You know, I used to think the same thing. I know what getting left behind is like. I'd never willingly do that to you. Not by choice."

"Really? People left you?"

"Well, you see..." Audio fades out first then fade to black while Buck is still talking to Chris.

Eddie now has no income coming due to the accident because of realistic post-concussion symptoms (Let's put Ryan's acting skills to a different test) - headache, nausea, vomiting, etc. The 118 rotates checking in on Eddie. Chris overhears Bobby giving Eddie donated money (which he tries to refuse) to help keep them afloat because they're (still) a part of their found family.

"I miss you guys. I miss..."

"I know, Eddie."

Chris after hearing his dad sound so sad finally talks about the dangers of Eddie working as a firefighter and how unhappy Eddie has been after leaving. "Chris, your mom didn't want to be hit by a car. She was just crossing the street. Your dad didn't want to be shot. He was helping someone who was in a bad situation. Just like you didn't ask to be swept up in the tsunami. You were lucky, Chris. Not many were as strong as you to survive a natural disaster. Bad things happen sometimes. Like the accident. But good things do, too. Your dad has helped save a lot of lives."

"I know."

"Do you blame your dad's truck for the accident?"

"No. That's silly. The other guy hit us." A pause. "Oh. I think I get it now. It wasn't dad's fault he got shot."

"It could have been any of the firefighters on scene that day. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. The guy that shot your dad is the one who was wrong."

The therapist asks if he/she can bring in Eddie and they finally talk. "Eddie, you can't lie. Not now. Not here. Not to Chris. Are you happy not being a firefighter? Because if you're not happy, Chris isn't going to be happy. If you give up what you love, you may end up resenting your own son in the future." Or, some version of this. I'm not a therapist and I hope 9-1-1 talks to some real therapists on how to handle this.

The accident wasn't Eddie's fault. Between the other driver's insurance and his own, he ends up with a fully paid for nice used truck in replacement. Buck, who is on Eddie's insurance, took care of everything after a research spiral that nailed both companies to the wall to get it done. He drops off the truck with a "Tadah!" as he tossed the keys to Eddie.

"I picked up a booster seat, so as soon as you're cleared to drive, you're both good to go."

Buck and Eddie get in an "argument" again about him not being there for Eddie and Chris. "No! You don't get to take the blame for this. It's my fault! I refused to talk to anyone. About any of this. Not to Chris. Not to you. Not to Bobby or Hen. No one!"

"Eddie, I could have pushed harder."

"And I would have shoved right back. Probably so hard it would have made things even worse. Don't think I don't remember the grocery store. I said some stupid hurtful things because I was holding it all in. Again. I knew how to strike where it hurts just like I did while fighting."

"Eddie."

"No, you tried over and over, but I was... stupidly listening to my father in my head. Suck it up, Eddie. Men don't cry. Push through. Therapy is for the weak. No wonder they call it toxic masculinity."

”I never learn from my past mistakes. I let it all bottle up again. I showed my kid it was okay to do the same, and he did until it finally exploded! I've hurt him, Ana, you because I hid what I was feeling. I used my kid to hide!"

"I ended up hurting him because I couldn't open my mouth and let everything out. I failed him again as a father. I don't want him to grow up like I did. I have to try to make this right. Learn to open up when I need to. I didn't talk after we were taken hostage. I just went home and cuddled my kid with a "He's fine." and then shoved that down, too. I didn't tell anyone I almost fell out of that helicopter at the hospital!"

"What?! Eddie?!"

"One more item on the trauma pile. Nothing good has ever come out of me being in one."

And unlike dropping the bomb about leaving the 118 on everyone... "Chris and I talked during his last session. I'm... going to start going to a therapist he/she recommended. I need to stop fighting the idea that therapy is showing weakness. That thinking I have to struggle on my own is bad coping. Ha! She was right. It does sound like repression."

"Who? Ana?"

"No, the cardiologist."

"Oh."

"Is Chris weak? No. But, Chris's therapist gave me a warning. I could start to resent this at Chris, and I don't want that. It was my loaded issues, but he was the pulled trigger for my rash decision. When Chris and I finally... start to feel stronger, I'd like to come back. To the 118, I mean."

"Really?"

"If Bobby lets me and there's a spot available."

Something here about Buck being the "backup plan." If they still insist on pushing B&T, have Eddie restate that Buck is the right choice, and that he's family. If B&T are kaput, maybe Buddie begins here when Eddie finally pushs through his barrier to tell Buck how he feels.

"Eddie, this isn't a no. It's just a pause. Until you feel like yourself again."

"It... might take a while."

"That's okay. I can wait."

"I need to do this. For Chris, but mostly for myself."

"Every step of the way, whatever you need, I've got your back and Chris's."

"And we've got yours."

Season 6 starts off with Eddie still separate from the 118, but healing and happier. Video only showing the back of Eddie's head talking with his therapist, and clips of Eddie talking between him and Chris with and without Buck present. Ramped up covert flirting and pushing buttons.

Until the mid season finale where Eddie surprises everyone, except Bobby, when he pops over the loft in full uniform with a "Surprise!" Or, maybe Bobby says additional help is coming during a fire and Eddie pulls up in a station vehicle in his turnout gear.

The back half is them fighting to stay together because two firefighters in the same house aren't supposed to date. Normally they're either put on opposing shifts or one is transferred.

They could pull a Flashpoint where they don't realize they're being observed, and show their ability to walk away with a patient while the other is also in trouble. Better for Buck to walk away from Eddie because he would be the biggest one they'd worry about honestly after they saw him digging in the mud after the well collapse.

"This can't become the norm. There are regulations for a reason. I'll have people all over the city trying to date. One mess up and I want them separated, Nash. Period. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

[that-blue-vault-dweller]

Companions react to sole somehow getting the internet to work? She only has a few computers up and its not as fast as they used to be, but hey the data is still there! Shes got games, BookFace, even TubeTube!

This was such a cute one!!! Awesome request, anon! 🥰💙💛

Cait - Does not really understand the big deal about the entire thing. She starts trying to use the internet, and she very quickly grows aggravated with how slow it moves and she does not really enjoy using it. Therefore, she is extremely dismissive when everyone else is talking about how wonderful it is.

Piper - Is beside herself with enthusiasm, and she eagerly starts looking into politics of the old days. In her search, she soon finds herself of Tok-Tik, and she finds quite a bit of information about truths about the American government. She avidly looks at all of the videos, but she makes sure not to let it totally run her life. She still dutifully takes care of her sister and makes sure that she is up to date on Commonwealth events. She just looks on Tok-Tik in the evenings when she has time to look.

Curie - Is absolutely thrilled and excitedly spends quite a bit of time on the Internet in an attempt to absorb as much information as possible. Her personal favorite is TubeTube. All of the informational videos on there totally fascinate her, and she studies them for quite some time. She binge-watches so much medical videos that F!Sole ends up having to remind her about her work in the Commonwealth. She then starts to balance her time on the internet and her time in the real world, and she is soon quite well-versed in a variety of topics and can offer even more medical assistance to F!Sole and the rest of the group.

MacCready - Is in love as soon as he starts to use it. He plays tons of games on it, but his favorite thing of all to do is to watch TubeTube episodes of popular superhero cartoons. He could watch that for hours, and he becomes very knowledgeable about different heroes and spends a long time sharing the lore and whatnot with F!Sole.

Deacon - Is an absolute fiend as soon as he starts to use it. He is on BookFace all the time looking at the drama of days gone by. He also goes and interacts with some foreign accounts that are still up and running in areas that were not bombed. He loves to create drama and troll any pages that he finds to be inappropriate or less than moral.

Codsworth - Is very pleased that a piece of Pre-War life has been brought to this new world. He does not use it himself, but he does occasionally watch F!Sole play games on the computer. He is particularly fond of one game where she can play as a wide variety of different cartoon and video game characters while also having them do all sorts of insane dances. It was a kids' game, but he still rather likes it.

Hancock - Loves it for a variety of reasons. He loves all of the music that he can get on holotapes and he loves the games of online poker. Granted, there was no one to play with except the computer AI, but he loves it nevertheless. It's like regular poker but without the possibility of losing all of his caps.

Danse - Is fascinated and very excited about it. He eagerly is looking on TubeTube for tutorials about fixing up power armor and adding special mods to it. He is also looking at tons of other mechanic videos that give tutorials on a variety of things such as putting together cars and even how to craft awesome mods for guns. He also likes looking at the tribute videos to veterans and war heroes. He would never admit it, but they bring a bit of tears to his eyes.

Preston - Thinks it is amazing and he asks F!Sole to download patriotic music onto holotapes so Radio Freedom can blast the inspirational music throughout the Commonwealth. That is the primary reason that he wants to use the internet, and he absolutely loves to hear all the old tunes celebrating America and patriotism.

Valentine - Thinks it is very interesting, and he looks on the internet for any unsolved cases from the past that he might could get access to. He enjoys pondering over them and wondering if there could be the slightest possibility that some of these bad guys could still be alive. After all, Eddie Winter was still kicking after all these years.

X6-88 - Seems to be completely unimpressed when looking at the surface. However, on the inside, he is really quite interested. When he thinks no one is around, he is looking on TubeTube and many other websites. However, when he discovers cat videos on TubeTube, he is completely in love and binge-watches tons of them every night when most people around are asleep.

Dogmeat - Does not like how this new convenience takes up so much of everyone's time. He wants more attention than what he's getting. However, he soon realizes that there is merit in being able to just lay his head in people's lap as they sit and look at the devices. He gets a lot of pets that way.

Strong - Does not understand the significance of it. It is not anything sitting right in front of them, so he finds it to be rather pointless. Why concentrate on something that is not even real? He is soon aggravated by the entire thing and wants to smash all the computers that have this internet on them.

[floralbuckleys]

Falling For You | Buddie

♡ Pairing: Buddie

♡ Genre: Fluff, First Kiss, Confession

♡ Word Count: 1k+

♡ Prompt Request: “I think I’m falling in love with you.” Buck x Eddie. P.S: Happy 300 followers!! 

♡ Warnings: Brief mention of the shooting/Eddie being injured

♡ Summary: Eddie overhears Buck’s confessions.

♡ Note: Thank you so much for the request, Emma (@lonely-writer​). I hope you like it. Not beta’d so excuse the mistakes that I am blind to

A muted yawn leaves Buck as he makes his way through the Diaz house in the early hours of the morning. He keeps his steps and movements quiet, as Christopher is sleeping soundly, and there’s still about an hour before Buck needs to wake him for school.

Eddie should be up soon, as he’s quite the early riser, but since Buck’s been staying over, he’s made sure to wake up before him, so he can cook breakfast and do some morning chores. Least the still recovering firefighter try to do them himself, despite Buck insisting he not.

Flipping on the kitchen light switch, he enters the cozy space and heads over to the instant coffee machine to click it on. 

It’s become part of his morning routine now, though Buck’s not the biggest java drinker in the world, Eddie had mentioned once that he finds the smell of coffee in the morning relaxing, and thus he makes sure Eddie gets that.

Once that is brewing, he heads over to the laundry room to switch the towels he’d stuck in the washer before bed into the dryer and take out Christopher’s clothes from it as well. He hadn’t realized how much more laundry you do with a kid in the house. Not that he minds as he finds the task relaxing and likes knowing he’s helping.

He grabs one of the baskets they keep in the closet, placing it atop the dryer as he begins taking Christopher’s clothes out, neatly folding and sorting each one into the basket. 

When it comes to his own clothing, he’s hardly ever this precise, more of the stick it in a drawer and pull it out and go type, but this is for Christopher, so he’s always careful to take his time.

One shirt he takes out of the dryer, causes a soft smile to spread across his face as he sees the dolphin splayed across it. He actually bought it for Christopher.

He’d gotten it awhile back when the three of them visited the aquarium together. They’d had a blast that day and on the way out Christopher had seen the shirt and instantly wanted it.

Eddie was going to buy it, but Buck insisted on it, just to see the smile on the shining boy's face.  Folding it gently, he places it gently and the back and continues with the rest.

As he works his thoughts drift back to his current predicament—though not willingly—because if given the choice, he’d ignore the troublesome feelings that have been festering inside him for weeks now. 

Or maybe much longer than that, though he’s not exactly sure when he fell for his best friend. Maybe someday he could sit down and figure it out, that is if ever got the courage to actually admit how he felt to Eddie. 

Not too likely, considering he can still barely admit it to himself.

It’s scary, acknowledging that you’ve been pining, longing for someone so close to you, especially when you’re around them every single day. Even worse when you’ve experienced the earth shattering fear of losing them. It causes an urgent gnawing at your heart, and an urge to confess those feelings, even if it could mean ruining the dear friendship you’ve grown.

Because you’ve finally had to face the reality that you might not always have the option.

He’s been unsure what to do with the weight of the emotions, knowing he didn’t want to talk to anyone about it, and instead choosing to actually research various ways to confess on his own. 

One website he’d come across last night before falling asleep claimed he should practice how he would like the conversation to go aloud. Something about it helping your confidence and making the actual talk go smoother.

He snorts at that.

As if him telling Eddie he was in love with him would go his way.

And yet, his cobalt eyes still flicker to the laundry room doorway, ears listening for sounds of any movement. As far as he could tell Eddie must still be sleeping, which meant there’s nobody around to hear him.

Biting his lip, he finishes folding the last of Christopher’s clothes and opens the washer to quickly move the towels over.

Once he’s all done he places both of his hands on the sleek metal dryer as the cycle begins and it starts rumbling on. 

Maybe, he could at least try.

His eyes close, and he inhales a sharp breath, and before he knows it his feelings are welling with him, and slipping past his lips as he imagines the way it would go. Him actually having the courage to tell Eddie his hidden truth.

“Eddie. Um, it’s Buck.”

Wait, why would I say that? I’d be standing in front of him.

Scratch that.

“Eddie, I have something I need to tell you.”

Eddie will of course give him that breathtaking smile, and his hazel eyes will look right through him as they always do.

Buck gulps as he imagines it, his shoulders tightening as he struggles with what to say next.

“Well, the truth is, I…” He trails off, biting down on his lower lip as he wills himself to just spit it out.

Eddie will be confused, and Buck will feel bad about hesitating so much. 

After all, why should he be so nervous in the first place? Even if Eddie doesn’t feel the same way--which Buck is sure he doesn’t--he wouldn’t be a jerk about it. He would let him off easy, be respectful about it. Buck trusted in that.

Exhaling softly, he let’s the words he’s never dared say, flow freely.

“I think I’m falling in love with you, Eddie. I have been for a long time, and I need you to know that, because…” Buck winces as the memory of Eddie, injured and bloodied laying on the ground flashes in his mind. “Because I would be a fool not to tell you that, and because I can’t stand the thought of losing you. Ever.”

Buck stands still for a moment, processing the feeling of finally voicing how he’s felt. It’s akin to stepping outside on a sunny day, and feeling the fresh air blowing against you.

But then, as quickly as that feeling comes, it’s gone, as Eddie-the real one--speaks up from behind him, “Evan.”

Buck’s eyes snap open as he whirls around in surprise, coming face to face with Eddie, whose eyebrows are knitted together, his lips in a tight line.

“Fuck. D-Did you hear me?” He blurts out, dread lacing every word as he internally panics.

A million questions cross Buck’s mind. How could he be so stupid? How could he forget to make sure nobody was coming? Eddie must have heard everything.

He’s not sure what Eddie see’s on his face, but before he knows it, the hazel eyed man steps closer to him and murmurs, “I did, but calm down, it’s okay.” He assures him.

“It’s okay? Okay? Do you even realize what you just heard? I-I you weren’t supposed too-”

Buck’s rambling is cut off by Eddie closing the distance between him as he brings his free, uninjured hand up and pulls Buck to him. 

It takes Buck a moment to process that they’re kissing, really and truly kissing. Eddie’s lips against his, sweet and chaste.

When he pulls away, Buck is still stunned, the amount of questions in his mind now multiplied, but Eddie speaks before he can.

“I didn’t expect to tell you this way, overhearing you say it to my laundry machines, but I don’t mind it. The truth is that… I’ve fallen in love with you too.”

The air seems to have left Buck’s lungs as he and Eddie lock gazes with Eddie, both their eyes smoldering with heavy emotion. They’re both leaning in for another kiss within the next second, and Buck doesn’t want it to end.

However, life has other ideas as Christopher’s gentle voice calls through the house, “Dad! Buck! Where are you?”

They pull away from each other immediately, both their faces burning, and smiling from ear to ear.

“We should talk about this after we take Chris to school, okay?” Eddie starts, the first one to break the silence.

Buck nods, liking the sound of that. “Yeah, that sounds good. You go check on him, I’ll get your coffee and start on breakfast.”

“What would I do without you?” Eddie laughs as he turns and walks off to get Christopher.

Buck freezes however, because despite hearing Eddie say that exact line several times, it now has a new meaning that leaves him breathless.

God, has he fallen for Eddie Diaz.

[kingbuckley]

Alright you guys this turned into an absolute monster of a fic rec. It’s organised by word count in descending order, and ALL FICS HAVE A HAPPY ENDING!! i don’t read fics that don’t end happy so even if a fic seems scary you can rest assured it ends fine if it’s here.

Special shoutout to @thisissirius (same ao3 handle) and @getbvcked (attolians (annber) on ao3) i have all their fics bookmarked so i didn’t include them individually in this list but you should check them out because every fic they put out is amazing. 

the rest is under the cut:

Breaking and Entering by AngelCuttingOnions (g/1k): Have you ever been terrified to lose something that isn’t even yours? Digging helplessly at the mud with your bare hands, so determined not to let go, not to give up. Your heart going so fast you think it might just beat out of your chest.

in any place you'll allow by barelyprolific (m/1k): Cleaning duty has never looked as good as Evan Buckley waxing floors.Or, Eddie Diaz finally makes his move.

Care and Keeping by BlackRose (m/1k): Eddie's alive, but he almost wasn't. Buck's determined to keep him safe now more than ever. Eddie, wants Buck to feel seen.

Cool for the Summer by Onlymystory (e/1k): Buck comes over to apologize to Eddie. It's a very good apology.

fireworks have nothing on you by inkandella (nr/1k): Buck’s tears had dried not too long ago, but his hands still shook as he wrung them. Bobby had just left to deal with, well, everything, but Buck remained by the truck, refusing to drag his eyes from Eddie for even a second. Eventually it was just Hen and Chim that remained, and Buck could finally see Eddie clearly. The man’s face was streaked with mud, dirt, and blood, his shoulders were bowed and eyes stared blankly off somewhere ahead of him. Buck bit his lips, but it didn’t really help him from asking again. “Is he okay?”Or; Buck finally does something about it.

Hotel Complaints and Grievances Raised by asexual-fandom-queen (m/2k): After a night out with the 118, Eddie wakes up with Buck naked in bed, and a barrage of feelings to face.

fight so dirty/love so sweet by homewrecker (m/2k): Buck and Eddie go for the title.

YOUR MOUTH IS HEAVEN by AgnesClementine (t/2k): A tongue piercing. Buck has a tongue piercing. Which is fine. Totally fine. Eddie is absolutely not going to lose sleep because of that information.

Zoom Into My Heart by Shaniamr (m/2k): Buck didn't know that zoom shared your private chats at the end of the meeting, but he's about to find out.

collisions in the dark by Marcia Elena (marciaelena) (e/2k): Eddie and Christopher spend the night at Buck's. Coda to 3x09.

What do you need? by RealOrFiction (e/2k): Buck has needs. Needs that haven't been met in a while.

Great Game by LovelyLittleGrim (e/2k): Buck’s watching him, waiting for some type of response. “Scared, Diaz?”“I don’t have any reason to be scared, Buckley.” He meets Buck’s eyes, lips quirked and murmurs, “I always come out on top.”

Buck Wild by Ithinkwehaveanemergency (m/2k): Eddie accidentally finds out that his best friend, coworker, and secret crush has done gay porn.

no greater joy by elisela (g/2k): When he wakes again, he finds Buck and Christopher out in the backyard, snuggled into the hammock that Buck had brought over months earlier, the day after Christopher had offhandedly mentioned that he’d been in one during a camping trip once and liked it. Buck was fooling no one when he said he’d happened to find it in storage, and Eddie had helped him set it up immediately, basking in the second-hand glow of Buck’s complete adoration of his son.

No Rest for the Wicked by Wassereis (e/2k): Eddie gets home early. What he finds wasn't what he expected.

people who love the same by templemarker (t/2k): Buck was just reheating a plate for Eddie when he heard a very familiar snort behind him."Okay, what now," he said expectantly."So," Hen drawled, "you have one plate on the counter, steaming, already had a couple of bites. And now you've got a second plate," she gestured at the microwave to the reheating lasagne, "and we all know who that plate's for."Buck looked at her, tilting his head. "I mean, I always make a plate for Eddie," he said, confused.

One Week by elisela (g/3k): Christopher's week revolves around Buck.

wherever I'm with you by anonymous (g/3k): In which Buck can't settle down in his own apartment until he realizes the true meaning of the word home.Or; Sleeping is easier when it's with Eddie.

To Be Whole by mansikka (t/3k): They say that when you and your soulmate are ready to meet, whatever they write on their skin will appear on yours, and vice versa. Which Buck thinks is bullshit. Right up until words start appearing on his arm.

Pull The Pin by islandgirl (g/3k): Everything they've been feeling and not saying is like a grenade between them and damn it all, Buck is ready to pull the pin, let the explosion happen and for everything to fall into place.

Long Overdue by mansikka (m/3k): Eddie realizes his feelings for Buck are more than platonic; what's he supposed to do now?

you could write this love in stone by chocolatebirdie (nr/4k): "Whatever happens, after tonight, I just want you to know that your friendship has meant everything to me. You’re my best friend, Eddie. You and Chris are – are like family to me. And I’m really grateful to have met you both.”“Why does this sound like you’re breaking up with me?” Eddie asks. The confusion-amusement ratio has started to skew towards the former, with an added dose of concern. Well maybe if he’d shut up and let Buck talk, Eddie wouldn’t be so puzzled.Did he have to use the phrase “break up,” though? Buck’s not sure he can stand the implication.

you can always be found by chocolatebirdie (nr/4k): Abby's back in LA, and she keeps trying to get in touch with Buck. The only problem? He's literally always with Eddie.

Until the Dancing Ends by suyari (g/4k): It’s been the strangest day of his life to date.Or the one where everyone's seen the footage of the rescue but Eddie.

when the hardest part is over by Anonymous (g/4k): “It’s okay,” Buck rasps out, tight against Eddie’s ear. “We got you back. We got you. You’re safe.”It sounds like he’s reassuring himself as much as Eddie – might even be saying it for Christopher’s sake even though the boy is blissfully unaware of what’s happened tonight. A mantra spoken to the night like a victory speech, a reminder that it could take nothing away from them.

Not Done by red_to_black (nr/4k): Buck volunteered to get into the ambulance with him, knowing the risks. He's pinching the guy's skin and saying, "Take it out," and Eddie, for the first time since leaving the military, feels it - a connection. A kindred spirit. A purpose that tethers him to reality. A person relying on him to get the job done.(or - a list of things Eddie Diaz couldn't give up on, including himself.)

Talk About It by DoneInLove (e/4k): You want to send me your dickpic?Just to see if it looks okay. Buck starts sending Eddie his dick pics before he sends them to other people.Eddie doesn't know why he decided this was a good idea.

Guessing Game by Arsenal (t/4k): Buck overhears Eddie telling his mother that he has feelings for someone and drives himself nuts trying to figure out who is possibly could be. aka yet another oblivious Buck fic

Happy Buck Day by Jecari (g/5k): After pushing the balloons tied to Christopher's crutch away, Eddie finds his best friend frowning, mouth agape. Buck looks adorable."It's not my birthday," Buck points out after shaking his head."We know," Christopher laughs.

Buck Is My Warrior by elisela (g/5k): “We’ll be filming a special edition of American Ninja Warrior,” Troy announces after the introduction to the current contestant ends, “focused on our brave first responders. Go to our website to find out more details and how to submit your videos.”Oh.“Buddy,” Eddie says, “I don’t really know if that’s my thing.”Christopher looks at him, then down at his feet and mumbles something.“Didn’t catch that, kiddo,” Eddie says, reaching out and pressing two fingers under Chris’ chin to tilt his face back up.“I said,” Christopher says, “I want to nominate Buck.”

Eddie Diaz and the Cat-astrophe at the 118 by SquaresAreNotCircles (g/5k): It’s Chimney who rescues her from the tree, but it’s Bobby’s arms that she curls up in on the drive over to the vet to get her checked out. Right from the start, it’s as if she knows who she needs to cozy up with to secure her spot at the station.“Come on, that’s crazy,” Buck says, but he does so while laughing not at Eddie, but at the grey tabby cat trying to get her claws on the fake mouse on a string that Buck bought with his own money, so Eddie doesn’t put too much stock in his opinion.Or: The firefam adopts a mascot and Eddie has a minor crisis about it.

Evan Buckley and a Series of Unintended Consequences by Shaniamr (e/6k): Buck has been hurt on the job and has lost the ability to use his hands while they heal. Eddie jumps at the opportunity to help Buck with anything he needs. Anything.

Love Language by red_to_black (nr/6k): The one in which there's too much pollen around, Eddie pines, and Buck is oblivious.Or - Eddie's love language is acts of service, and Buck doesn't totally get it.

The Other Woman by MomentsOfWeakness (t/6k): Buck has been unlucky in love lately and he can't figure out why. It takes a phone call from Eddie and an interrupted date for him to finally put the pieces together.

My Favorite Place Is Inside Your Hug by Lopithecus (e/7k): When Eddie gets stuck in a hole while trying to rescue a kid, he remembers Afghanistan and how many people were lost. Luckily he has Buck in his corner to help him get through the memories.

give me strength so i can see by see_addy_write (t/7k): After the tsunami, Buck is sure Eddie won't want him anywhere near Christopher -- or himself. Both of the Diaz boys have something to say about that.

haircut to the heart by itsmylifekay (nr/8k): 5 times Buck cuts Christopher’s hair and 1 time Christopher helps cut his.

In the Aftershock by hideeho (t/8k): When Eddie is injured on the job, Buck is forced to face the fallout.

Slow Your Thinking by an_alternate_world (e/10k): Eddie has the itch to fight, the discomforting unease of needing to release all his negativity again making it difficult to concentrate on the calls. Buck suggests an alternative: surrendering his need for control to Buck for a while.

Just For This Moment by suyari (m/10k): “Take your time,” Carla said sternly. “Don’t rush this because you’re worried, Buck, do you hear me? Any change in your scent could just set him off.”“Yes, thank you, I know how to deal with Alphas,” he drawled.“Yes, but Eddie’s not just another Alpha and I think it’s time we acknowledged that.”

You Are Safe (With Me) by BabylonsFall (g/10k): Or: 5 times Eddie waltzed into Buck's apartment like he owned it, and 1 time Buck tried

you waltz through my bloodstream by wayfarer (t/2k): Buck gets a boyfriend and Eddie is totally fine with that. Really.

can't fight that feeling by Anonymous (e/11k): “We have to keep this quiet,” he realizes.“That’s,” Eddie starts, his eyebrows tilting inwards adorably. “I mean, yeah, if that’s what you wanna do, then—”“Not for long,” Buck protests. “I’m thinking until tomorrow.”The eyebrows rise with interest; the eyes beneath get their spark back. “Yeah?”“It’s Maddie and Chimney’s wedding day,” Buck says, slipping his hands down the last bit and entwining them with Eddie’s. “Today should be solely about them, about their love. You and I can have tomorrow. All the tomorrows.”

Just Hold Me Well by Lobotomite (m/11k): It was meant to be a fun little trip with his 118 family; no stress, no drama, and certainly no sexuality-redefining fumbles that make him realize his more than platonic feelings towards his best friend. But, well, when has anything ever gone according to plan for Buck?

a leaf falls on loneliness by iimpossible_things (nr/11k): Buck doesn’t think that if he were to say, “I’m in a bad place”, that anyone would turn him away. Really, he doesn’t. The 118 has too many good, kind people for that.But every time he wants to open his mouth, to say something, to reach out to Eddie or Bobby or Hen or Chim, he hears Eddie yelling, “you’re exhausting.”—you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting—So each day he does his job and he laughs and he jokes and he pretends he’s the care-free goofball he’s always been. And each day he packs away his bruises and his worries, takes them home to his empty loft with its quiet rooms, and licks his wounds in silence.

Darling It's Better (Down Where It's Wetter) by Onlymystory (e/20k): "Who the hell is that?" asks Buck. Like he doesn't know exactly who that is. Like a week ago he wasn't enjoying one of the best fucks of his life with Eddie Diaz. Or the reason for Buck's surprise at the new recruit isn't quite for the reasons everyone thinks.

i think i might've inhaled you by ariquitecontrary (m/20k): How do you tell your best friend that you're actually in love with them? If you're Evan Buckley, you don't.

dancing under red skies by dayswithout (g, 30k) Buck hates Eddie Diaz on sight.aka, a soulmate au. (Eddie’s POV; g/15k)

dancing under red skies by dayswithout (g/30k): Buck hates Eddie Diaz on sight.aka, a soulmate au.

The Education of Eddie Diaz by mansikka (e/30k): Eddie doesn't really know how it happened. One moment the 118 are drunk in a bar after a hard shift, confessions slipping from his mouth as he playfully kisses Buck on the cheek. The next he is on Buck's couch, taking up Buck's offer of an education that could be asking for trouble. But it's just sex, and they're just friends; it doesn't mean anything to either of them. So why is his time alone with Buck the highlight of his week?

Guess We'll Just Have to Adjust by CocoBadShip (m/30k): No, Buck does not have a damn crush on Eddie fucking Diaz. No, Buck is not thinking about Eddie's stupid smile or his stupid hair or that obscene sound he made when he pushed the couch the way he did.Having a crush would be weird. And dumb. And the last thing Buck needs in his already fucked up life.

tagging those of you who requested @lafdbuckley @casscent @googoodreamers

and some mutuals because why not @eddiediazs @judsonryder @fierydeans @buckleystrand

[terrainofheartfelt]

"It's you, it couldn't be awful"

A Playlist For Dair Appreciation Week, Day 7 - Fave Quotes & Lyrics

I haven’t the faintest idea how to make gifs (seriously I think all of you are witches) so I made this playlist, because there is nothing I love more than scrolling through my spotify library and just projecting all over it.

Track listings and links with opinions & lyrics under the cut, because this thing is long, because I have no restraint.

(Note: I intentionally left off all tswift bc if I didn’t, we’d be here all day)

Section 1: The Bops

Little of Your Love - HAIM

A bop that embodies the energy of the 4b arc, and an energy of “Oh for crying out loud, Humphrey”

You’re just another recovering heart / I wasn’t even gonna try / you wouldn’t even give the time

Stop runnin’ your mouth like that / ‘cause you know I’m gonna give it right back

Hate That You Know Me - Bleachers

It’s “You owe me ten / You owe me twenty!” & “I was hoping it would go away / I was humiliated” & basically all of While You Weren’t Sleeping, tbh

Some days I, I wish that I wasn't myself / No luck! / And I hate that you know me so well

I Like Me Better - Lauv

Heavily featured in all y’all’s gifsets—and rightfully so!!! It’s also like the perfect counter to the previous song.

To not know who I am but still know that I'm good long as you're here with me

Sweet Talk - Saint Motel

It’s about Blair roasting Dan for filth and him being completely charmed by it.

when you laugh / I forget that it's about me / But it's alright / Yeah, cause being your punchline / Still is something

No Reason to Run - Cold War Kids

In the perfect version of the show that lives in my head, this is the end credits song that plays as the two of them frolic in Rome.

I have evolved like a fish growing legs / Woke like a lightbulb clicked in my brain

You Make Lovin' Fun - Fleetwood Mac

The song for the couple that fucked in an elevator. Bless the work.

Sweet wonderful you / You make me happy with the things you do

No Matter What You Do - covered by Jakob Dylan and Regina Spektor

The energy is “I have a lot of affection for you but you are so annoying.” And this is the obligatory post-breakup s6 song.

No matter what in the world you do / Hey, I'll always be in love with you

Don't Take the Money - Bleachers

I see so much love for tswift on this website (valid) but I feel like the world as a whole sleeps on her collaborator Jack Antonoff bc he is brilliant and his act Bleachers has some of my favorite songs ever. Like this one. Antonoff has said before that the title phrase is more metaphorical than literal, like an idiom that means don’t take the easy way and give this up, because it’s genuine. Real “I want to have a sleepover with you” vibes.

Somebody broke me once / Love was a currency / A shimmering balance act / I think that I laughed at that

In the Morning - Nina Simone

It’s about the domesticity! And the “Our relationship is our world”! And the “we’re young and still have so much life to live so everything’s gonna be okay.” did i title a smut fic with lyrics from this song maybeso.gif

Please be patient with your life / It's only morning and you're still to live your day

This Must Be the Place - Talking Heads

This is a canon dair song bc @mysteriesofloves titled a fic after this song, them’s the rules. But for real, this is such a good one. The lyrics are intentionally scattered, a little bewildered, like “how did we get here? how did this happen? who found whom?” and finally “who cares? we found a home in each other.”

The less we say about it, the better / We'll make it up as we go along

Cleopatra in Brooklyn - Frank Turner

Chosen for the title obviously, but the lyrics capture the royal/5b arc pretty well, I think. The narrator carries this tongue-and-cheek comparison of the woman he’s singing to to Cleopatra through the whole song, comparing himself to Marc Antony, and ending with this really earnest kind of declaration. I’m obsessed with this songwriter he’s a genius please give him a listen.

These people are adjectives to your proper noun

I'll come find you when your fortunes fail you / I'll die with you when the gods desert you

Morphing into Section 2: Pure Vibes

Walking on a Dream - covered by Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness

The original is by Empire of the Sun (and omigod I just realized the coincidence), but I first heard it covered by McMahon, and he’s one of my favorite musicians of ever so I just love his rendition. And this song is sort of like...about finally deciding that the reality of love with someone is so much better than the idea of it.

Thought I’d never see / The love you found in me / Now it’s changing all the time

Wake Me - Bleachers

Jack coming for my life yet again. This song is so romantic but also so melancholy? Which is such a Daniel Humphrey Vibe.

And I'd rather be sad with you / Than anywhere away from you

All I Want - Joni Mitchell

I’m a white girl with a mother who grew up in the 60s, so I love Joni. And this song is so bubbly and joyful, but it’s also about a relationship between two imperfect people and wanting it to work anyway. Big “Despicable B” vibes!

All I really want our love to do / Is to bring out the best in me / And in you, too.

Dust to Dust - The Civil Wars

A friend in undergrad got me into the Civil Wars by showing me their live videos, and they have such incredible musical chemistry - like, the synchronicity of their ensemble is so good that it even comes through on their studio recordings and it makes these simple lyrics hit SO HARD.

You're just lonely / You've been lonely too long

NFWMB - Hozier

Ok, this had to be like the first ask I ever sent @bisexualdanhumphrey bc they wrote this fantastic meta post about Hozier and Derena but I said: “consider: NFWMB is a Dair song.” And they said, “You right.” I stand by it, and that’s why this song is on this list.

If I was born as a blackthorn tree / I'd wanna be felled by you / Held by you / Fuel the pyre of your enemies

Friday I'm in Love - covered by Phoebe Bridgers

This song - especially this cover - gives such Secret Friendship Arc vibes a la the end of 4x16...the inherent romance of eating pizza and falling asleep on the couch together

Always take a big bite / It’s such a gorgeous sight / To see you eat in the middle of the night

A Case of You - Joni Mitchell

Queen Joni again. Like! I am a lonely painter / I live in a box of paints. & The “You’re the star of Dan’s book” of it all in these lyrics!

I remember that time you told me / You said “Love is touching souls” / Surely you touched mine / ‘cause part of you pours out of me / In these lines from time to time.

Longing to Belong - Eddie Vedder

This is my thinly veiled attempt to tell more people about this: a song written and performed by Pearl Jam’s Eddie Vedder on ukulele, that is actually the softest love song in the history of western music.

All my time is spent here / Longing to belong to you

Bones - Josh Record

Okay, so, that Moment on the Couch at the end of 5x02? That’s this song.

And darling, when your feet are cold / Wait up, I'm coming home / And all of you I will hold / My love will clothe your bones

Cinnamon Girl - Lana Del Rey

The song for when you reach the end of plausible deniability - One all consuming paralyzing thought & You need to go back to Brooklyn - and it scares the heck out of you.

There's things I wanna say to you, but I'll just let you live / Like if you hold me without hurting me / You'll be the first who ever did

You and Me - You + Me

You can be flawed enough but perfect for a person

Section 3: Songs for Dancing in the Kitchen with Your Lover at 1 am

Cigarettes and Coffee - Otis Redding

The “Dan and I have a real connection song.” It’s about the romance of commonplace things when they’re with the right person.

But it seemed so natural, darling / That you and I are here

I'd Be Waiting - Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats

It’s “I just want to spend the day with you” but in like, slow-dance, sexy harmonies format.

If you ever get lonely if you never did

Never My Love - covered by Jakob Dylan and Norah Jones

The “Words of Affirmation” love song they deserve, and an underrated love song from Laurel Canyon, imho

What makes you think love will end? / When you know that my whole life depends / On you

Dancing in the Dark - covered by Morgan James

Okay so these lyrics are such Dan lyrics to me, it’s charmingly self-aware and self-deprecating. And this cover by Morgan James turns this staple rock song into something ~sexy~

I'm dying for some action / I'm sick of sittin' round here trying to write this book / I need a love reaction / Come on, gimme just one look

Oh Me Oh My (I'm a Fool for You) - Aretha Franklin

They’re literally always making each other laugh! It’s about feeling safe enough to be uninhibited and unselfconscious in your joy.

To make you laugh / I would be a fool for you

I Fall in Love Too Easily - as done by Chet Baker

No one, but no one sounds as sweet or as smooth as Chet. I know it, you know it, Hozier knows it. And this song and it’s titular thesis is so Them, it’s such a central part of their respective characters, and one of the things that makes them compatible.

My heart should be well schooled / 'Cause I've been fooled in the past

For Me Formidable - Charles Aznavour

Due entirely to this fic (Part II of a god tier s4 au) This is the end credits song for their full feature length Nora Ephron romcom.

NSFW Honorable Mention: Dinner & Diatribes - Hozier

it’s the definitive “men get pegged” representation, iykyk

[adultswim2021]

Ephemera Week (2002)

It’s still ephemera week, and we’re still talking about John K. I said most of my piece on him in the last post, so don’t expect there to go full bore on this one, except I forgot to say he’s animation’s Jerry Lewis. His current stuff is basically Hardly Working. I will not elaborate, because I’m being mean to you0.

MARCH SPECIALS!

In March, Adult Swim advertised a run of one-off specials. A couple of them were already covered because they fell under the parameters of “Adult Swim original production”. They were Welcome to Eltingville (March 3rd) and Saddle Rash (March 24th).

Day in the Life of Ranger Smith | March 10th 2002 - 11:00 PM (Originally aired on Cartoon Network in 1999)

This was one of two specials commissioned by Cartoon Network re-imagining Yogi Bear. The artist what took this assignment was John K, who I REEEAALLY skewered in last night’s post, didn’t I?

This is about Ranger Smith harassing animals and writing them up for violating park rules, basically. It’s short! I remember liking it at the time! Okay, maybe I’m going crazy here, but I distinctly remembered a part at the end where Ranger Smith is in bed and he solemnly confides in the viewer that the noises of wilderness give him nightmares and then it just ends. Did I imagine this? It does end with him in bed, but this doesn’t happen in the version on YouTube (which is from the Adult Swim airing). Huh.

Boo Boo Runs Wild | March 10th 2002 - 11:15PM (Originally aired on Cartoon Network in 1999)

Boo Boo Runs Wild was another one of these stand-alone Yogi Bear John K specials. This one was 30 minutes long. The Ranger Smith short was a brief 7 minutes; I’m guessing they aired a couple Capt. Lingers or something to fill time.

This one is about Boo Boo reverting to his feral nature and causing BIIIIG problems! This special would later go on to be kind of a weird trolling thing Adult Swim would do where they aired it every Sunday for a few months, even promoting regularly. This was like 2006, I think? They’d also air it as part of April Fools. Is that Adult Swim admitting this special sorta sucks? Does it sorta suck? Again, I liked these at the time and REFUSED to actively rewatch these for this write-up. Sorry.

The Jetsons: Father and Son Day/The Best Son | March 10th, 2002 11:45PM (Originally aired on CartoonNetwork.com in 2001) Our John K rock block ends with a pair of Jetsons shorts, Father and Son Day and The Best Son respectively. This is kinda the same deal as his Yogi Bear shorts, but these were exclusive for Cartoon Network’s website. I remember watching them on there. They are as bad as you’d expect late-period John K internet shorts to be, though the second short is a superior version of Spielberg’s A.I. (in that it’s shorter).

Night of the Living Doo | March 17th, 2002 - 11:00PM (originally aired on Cartoon Network, 2001)

Night of the Living Doo originally aired as wraparound segments during a Halloween Scooby Doo marathon on Cartoon Network. It’s kinda like an episode of the Scooby Doo Movies, which shoehorned in a guest star each episode. Suddenly my man Dick Van Dyke be running a carnival and shit. That’s the Scooby Doo Movies. At the end of the night they played all the wraparound segments in one uninterrupted sitting, so the viewer could appreciate it as an actual full-on Scooby Doo episode. Night of the Living Doo functioned both as an extension of that series as well as a parody. The guests were Gary Coleman, David Cross, and the very cool band Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. It was all very self-deprecating and had jokes about the absurdity of Scooby Doo tropes. Well trod territory by this point, sure. But this is better than most irreverent Scooby Doo things. It didn’t hurt that I was a HUGE David Cross fan when this aired. Is this where I tell the stupid-ass story about getting mad at a message board guy for not liking David Cross? Sure. Okay, yeah. When this aired on Adult Swim a guy on Kon’s (hi Kon) message board posted something about not finding David Cross funny, shrugging that he didn’t get the hype. He cited this and his appearances in the Men in Black movies, and nothing else as proof for his lackluster comedy skills. It’s kinda like deeming Eddie Murphy as a bad comedian after watching Dr. Doolittle.

The point of this special is that David Cross is a little wooden and stilted, like in the old Scooby Doo Movies episodes. This poster revealed that he never heard David Cross’s stand-up or seen Mr. Show, explaining “I don’t watch puppet shows” A response that still baffles me to this day. Why Mr. Show isn’t a-- WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT? I’m not even sure if there was EVER a puppet on Mr. Show*. David wasn’t even a guest on Crank Yankers at this point! SO WHAT THE FUCK? To this day whenever mutual pals from that board get together and watch a movie or show and a puppet appears we make a joke about this guy. Good story? No? Fuck you.

Other stuff about this show: When it originally aired on Cartoon Network it was a little bit longer than the Adult Swim version. There’s a missing scene. I think it’s David trying to play an improv game with a mummy or something. At one point I had it on tape, but I’m not sure I kept it. Sorry.

*sorry to be coy here, but I do know of at least one puppet on Mr. Show, episode 204 there is brief footage of Grass Valley Greg putting on a puppet show for his staff. This CAN’T be the source of the confusion, can it? It’s literally like, 5 seconds.

MAIL BAG

This’ll teach me to skip a day cuz this really piled up. Thanks, guys. I love all the attention. It is my favorite thing.

I never really saw oblongs as something for the hot topic set. They had Invader Zim and Squee for that kind of shit. Oblongs feel like it was always directly targeting me: the shut-in comedy nerd who would appreciate will ferrell and the sklars being in a thing. Since they ended up doing the exact same show with Janeane Garofalo and David Cross a few years later it seems like that was the goal.

Yeah, I guess that also makes sense. There were a few elements that were kinda gothy but this show was mostly just Angus Oblong ahem, clowning around (puckering mouth to stifle laughter like Chris Elliott in Cabin Boy)

What are your thoughts on the other adult animation blocks of the past couple decades? Spike's notriously failed attempt. Animation Domination. Apparently Syfy has had their own going?

Spike was irredeemably bad. People think this shit is easy. Animation Domination is sorta legit, but it’s anchored by mostly crap. That ADHD thing was kinda good and underrated. Is that still going on? I wish I were more diligent about watching/recording that. Some of them bumpers were good. Also, we mustn’t forget MTV’s oddities. They were kinda the first cable network to court Adult Animation as their thing. They deserve some kind of credit for that. I’m sure they’re doing fine.

I'm having a nice big thing of spaghetti for dinner with some chicken parm? Jealous?

I’ve never had those are they good

What does Ephemera mean? Why is this happenening? Why aren't you talking about 10 Home Movies episodes in a row like a good boy.

In dude time, my friend. In dude time

What would be your Adult Swim dream come true?

Having a complete archive of Adult Swim blocks on a harddrive like Don Giller has with his Letterman archive. Even the commercials and shit. I know of a guy who was a regular taper of the entire block from night 1 but I’m not sure he kept up with it when they went nightly. I should ask him if he still has his tapes, huh?

That or they bring back the BUILD YOUR OWN DVD thing but with blu-rays and you can make your own bumps, which was a different thing they had. THEY SHOULD COMBINE THEM. And you can master it in SD if you wanna put 10 hours of stuff on a disk.

All this is archival bullshit dork shit. Real answer: Clay Croker comes back from the dead and every block is hosted by Space Ghost. That’d be it, right?

If anyone has genuine/better answers please write in with them I wanna keep this conversation going. ‘kay?

McDonalds reintroduces limited edition Adult Swim Toys. You can get them all (plus an extra to keep wrapped for collectors purposes) but you have to spend 20 dollars at McDonalds to grab them all. This is the last day of the promotion. You have to personally eat everything you buy but you can take it home. You can only buy one of each food item. What are you getting? I know the longer the mailbag message is the quicker you are inclined to give some glib remark but indulge this one for once.

Oh wow. I’m literally going to take this seriously. I’d roll in as breakfast was ending. Get myself a McChicken Biscuit and a Bacon Egg & Cheese McGriddle, hashbrowns and a Coffee. Gobble that knob on down. Wipe my mouth with a napkin. It’s lunchtime, bitch. Big Mac, Large Fries, BIG ass soda. You feel me, dude? Lemme tally up. Okay, probably need more. 20 piece nugget. Take that home cuz I’m probably gonna have to save some for dinner. That’s probably 20 bucks right there, especially if you go to the McDonalds on Burnside where all the menu items are more expensive because of the amount of security they have to hire (did you know that different McDonalds have different prices even in the same city? I didn’t until very recently). If this somehow doesn’t satisfy my price point I get a Vanilla shake and eat it anally DURING my BIG D squirt sesh, so it’ll spend as little time in my body as possible. Wait, do I get something for this? I might do this tomorrow just cuz. It sounds like a funky thing to do

Do you think you'll open an Adult Swim mueseum at some point? You seem to be the only steward of its history.

Unless I’m hired to by a large corporation, probably not. Also I don’t think I actually have much in the way of merch other than DVDs. I stopped being a DVD completist at some point around Freaknick The Musical. Oh, I never EVER bought a Robot Chicken DVD, EVER. I literally had a nightmare once that one appeared in my collection.

Hey! Please keep us abreast any time you put more of your garbage on eBay. Maybe you can put your wedding dress on there, you big girl.

Fucking sexist/trasphobic behavior.

Check out my eBay auctions I got season 18 of NCIS up there and some other things :)

The Ripping Friends blow chunks. I don't care if a rapist or the opposite of a rapist (a virgin who volunteers, lol) made it. It sucks a high hard one like when Ozzy banged the Cheiftan's Wife in that Black Sabbath TV Funhouse cartoon. Tell me more.

Tell you more?

Name one rap song you tolerate lol. You can't say anything by weird al or marky mark.

I guess I like the song the pest sings from the motion picture The Pest

Are there any good podcasts on adult swim?

The official one hosted by Matt Harrigan is good, but I’ve only bounced around on it. I don’t know if there’s any formal recap ones. I simply don’t know!

HE'S GIVING HIGH HARD ONE TO CHEIFTAN'S WIFE? UH OH!

Buddy, you are BANNED for LIFE from my MAIL BAG! You drive me CRAZY!

[set-phasers-to-whump]

the snow isn’t all that cold if you’ve got someone to hold

prompt: freezing (leftover from yesterday, used as kind of an alt prompt)

whumpee: eddie diaz

fandom: 911

hi! this fic is technically for day 1 i guess, but there are a couple days this month where neither prompt is really my thing so in those cases i will be using a prompt from a different day. there will still be 30 days of whump, but not 30 separate pairs of prompts used! anyway this fic is a bit softer and fluffier than my usual stuff but there is still whump! it’s just more gentle i guess lol. that’s just how it happened. i hope you enjoy! (title from heater by little car)

Buck opens the front door of the little cabin and steps aside to let Chris enter first. Chris walks inside, looks around for a split second, and promptly makes a beeline for the bedroom he’d claimed as ‘his’ the second he’d seen it on the website. 

“Buck, come see!” he calls excitedly, and Buck smiles to himself and follows Chris inside, glancing briefly back at Eddie, who is struggling up the path with the bags that he’d insisted upon carrying inside himself. 

“Look at that lamp!” Chris says, pointing to a bear-shaped lamp sitting atop the bedside table. He turns to Buck, smiling so widely that Buck thinks it must hurt his face. “This is gonna be the coolest weekend ever,” he continues, and Buck nods in agreement.

“What do you wanna do first, Superman?” he asks, and Chris shakes his head. 

“Buck, I gotta read my book for that,” he says, very seriously. The front door slams shut, and Chris immediately calls out to Eddie: “Dad! I need my book.”

Eddie comes into the room a second later with Chris’ bag, his beloved Guide to Sequoia National Park sticking out from one of the side pockets. 

“Thanks!” Chris says, grabbing the book and sinking down onto the bed. He flips it open and begins studying it intently, paying no mind to the other two people in the room. 

Buck and Eddie therefore leave Chris to it and step out into the living room to grab their own bags, which Eddie had evidently simply dropped in the middle of the floor as soon as he’d gotten inside. Buck sets his bag down next to the couch and flops down onto it.

“Buck, are you sure- ” Before Eddie can finish his sentence, Buck interrupts him with a stern glare. 

“Eds, I already claimed the couch, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“But- ”

Buck shakes his head, and Eddie, apparently sensing that this is a fight he is not going to win, flings his bag over his shoulder and makes his way to the cabin’s other bedroom, muttering something about at least flipping a coin for it. Not that Buck would’ve let that happen. He already can’t help feeling a bit like he is overstepping, although both Chris and Eddie had absolutely insisted that he come on this little trip with them, and there’s no way in hell he’s stealing the only other bed in the house from his best friend. So the couch it is. 

It’s silent in the cabin for a few minutes, until Chris comes out of his room and sits on the couch next to Buck, guidebook in hand. 

“Buck, I can’t decide which thing we should do first,” he says miserably, extending the book. Buck takes it and flips it open, looking through messily highlighted passages and various sticky notes covered in the handwriting of himself and both of the Diazes. 

“What about this?” Buck suggests, pointing to a picture of a person standing underneath a tunnel in the roots of a massive tree. 

Chris makes a noncommittal sound, so Buck continues looking through the book. Chris leans into his side and looks along with him, occasionally pointing out things he thinks are contenders for their first activity tomorrow. 

Eddie startles them both when he comes into the room, and he chuckles softly as they both turn to look at him. “I’m gonna go find some wood so we can have a fire tonight,” he says. “Sunset’s in about an hour and it’s supposed to get pretty chilly.”

Chris nods in agreement and asks if they can make hot chocolate later, to which Buck and Eddie simultaneously reply yes; and Buck jokingly tells Eddie to be careful with the ax (which is about half the size of the one they regularly use in the field), and then Eddie heads out into the forest and Chris and Buck return to their very important activity of scouring the guidebook. 

About twenty minutes pass pleasantly, with Buck and Chris slowly figuring out their plan of attack for the two days ahead. Then Chris looks up from the book and gasps. 

“Buck! Look, it’s snowing!”

Buck turns to look out the window, and sure enough, snow is pouring down from the sky. “That’s weird,” he says, half to himself. “It wasn’t supposed to snow this weekend.”

Chris suddenly looks very concerned. “Will we still be able to go and see the trees?”

“I think so,” Buck says reassuringly. He can’t imagine that this snow is going to last very long. He’d done a lot of research into the weather up here in the past couple weeks, and it’s really not supposed to snow this early into November. He figures that this snow will probably melt by midday tomorrow, which should still let them do everything that they’re planning on doing. 

“Good,” Chris says, and then he gets up and looks out the window, leaning against the pane, breath fogging up the glass. Buck wonders if he’s ever seen snow before, and he’s about to ask whether Chris would like to go outside and see it when he thinks of Eddie, and decides to shoot him a quick text to see whether he’s almost done with gathering wood. 

Eddie’s phone dings on the kitchen counter, and Buck sighs. He looks back out the window, where the snow is beginning to fall harder. It’s already a couple inches deep, he can tell, and Eddie hadn’t been wearing a coat when he’d gone out. He gives Eddie two minutes, in case he’s on his way back, and then starts putting on his own coat and the snow boots that he’d brought, just in case. 

“Are you going to get Daddy?” Chris asks, moving to stand next to Buck. He sounds a little worried, and Buck puts a soft hand atop his hair. 

“Yep, and then we can spend all evening with a nice, warm fire and some hot cocoa and maybe even a movie,” Buck says, zipping up his jacket. “In the meantime, why don’t you keep looking through your book and see if there’s anything we can do that’s inside.”

Chris nods and makes his way back to the couch, and Buck steps outside onto the front porch.

It’s cold. Really cold. Buck tries not to think about all of the many terrible things that could’ve happened to Eddie in the twenty minutes that he’s been gone as he makes his way out into the snow, calling out Eddie’s name. 

He walks for maybe ten minutes, slowly circling outwards from the front door of the cabin, continually calling for Eddie. The sun is starting to set, and the snow is falling faster still, and he is really trying not to panic now. He’s about to get out his phone and call 911 when he hears a voice, faint but unmistakably Eddie’s. 

“Hold on, Eddie, I’m coming!” he shouts, and hurries off in the direction of Eddie’s voice as fast as he can. 

He skids to a stop in front of Eddie, barely managing to stay on his feet as he hits an especially slippery patch of snow. “You okay?” he asks, even though Eddie is clearly freezing his ass off and definitely not okay.

“Slipped,” Eddie says, through chattering teeth. “Not hurt, don’t think, but it was too slippery. Couldn’t get back up.”

Buck can see how that might’ve happened. “I almost slipped too,” he says. “Lucky I didn’t, or we’d both be stuck out here.”

Eddie gives a soft laugh, then sucks in a sharp breath. “‘M really cold, Buck,” he says.

“I know,” Buck replies, carefully bending over and grabbing Eddie underneath his arms. “We’re gonna get you back to the cabin and warm you up as soon as we can, I promise.” He hauls Eddie to his feet, keeping an arm firmly wrapped around him to stop him from slipping again. This close together, he can hear Eddie’s teeth chattering, can feel the coldness of his skin and his clothes. Buck unzips his jacket and maneuvers his way out of it without letting go of Eddie, then tugs the jacket securely around Eddie’s shoulders, guiding his shaking arms into the sleeves and zipping it up. 

“‘S nice,” Eddie whispers, leaning a little more heavily into Buck.

“I bet,” Buck says, sympathetically. “But try not to lean on me too much, okay? The last thing we need is to both end up on our asses in the snow.”

Eddie nods and pulls away slightly, and then the two begin a very slow, very careful trek back to the cabin. 

Halfway there, the sun dips completely below the horizon, and the temperature feels like it drops another ten degrees. Eddie starts shivering harder, despite Buck’s jacket, and Buck throws caution to the wind and pulls Eddie closer, taking smaller steps and shining his phone’s flashlight onto the ground ahead of them.

“Is Chris okay?” Eddie asks, suddenly, stopping in his tracks and nearly causing the both of them to fall. 

“He’s okay,” Buck says, gently pulling him along. “He’s looking through his guidebook and finding some things to do indoors tomorrow, if this snow doesn’t let up.”

This answer seems to satisfy Eddie, who lapses into silence as they walk along through the snow. 

“Look, there’s the cabin,” Buck says, gesturing to its lights glowing through the darkness, even though he knows Eddie can’t see his hand. “We’re almost there.”

Eddie only hums in response, and Buck tugs him along a little faster, very anxious to get him inside and warmed up before this cold does any real damage.

A minute later, they’re stumbling through the front door, dripping melting snow onto the floor. Chris hurries up from the couch, guidebook tumbling to the floor. “Dad!”

Eddie turns to look at Chris, and Buck can see him trying to act okay for his son, but he’s shaking so hard that Buck doubts Chris is buying it for a second. 

“Is he okay?” Chris asks Buck, and Buck so desperately wants to wrap him in a hug and tell him that yes, Eddie’s going to be okay, but that would mean letting go of Eddie, which is not an option at the moment, so he settles for a nod instead. “Your dad’s going to be just fine,” he promises. “But he’s really cold right now, so I need to go and get him warmed up. And you know what he’s going to need most of all?”

Chris shakes his head. 

“He’s going to need to curl up on the couch with you and me and some hot chocolate and a movie. So, while we’re gone, we need you to pick out a good movie to watch, okay?”

Chris nods and adds, “I think maybe we need some blankets, too. Should I find some?”

“Yeah, buddy, that would be perfect,” Buck says, smiling. Chris smiles back, then steels his face into a look of pure determination and sets about on his very important task of finding blankets and picking a movie. 

Meanwhile, Buck leads Eddie into the bathroom and turns on the shower. He starts it off at a lukewarm temperature, not wanting to shock Eddie’s system by forcing him under hot water immediately. While the water warms up, he helps Eddie out of his freezing clothes and tries not to think about how much worse their situation could be right now if he hadn’t found Eddie when he did. 

Once the shower heats up, Buck opens the door and Eddie steps inside, flinching back as the warm water hits his freezing-cold skin. 

“Is it too hot?” Buck asks, but Eddie shakes his head. “Nice,” he says. 

“Once you feel like you’re used to that temperature, you can start warming it up in small increments,” Buck directs. “In the meantime, I’m going to get you some warm clothes and a towel, but you just yell if you need me, okay?”

“Kay,” Eddie agrees, and with that, Buck heads out of the bathroom. 

He takes a quick glance into the living room, where Chris sits on the couch, surrounded by at least five blankets. He’s flicking through movies on the TV with intense concentration, and Buck smiles at the back of his head. God, he loves this kid. 

He then gets back to his task and heads into Eddie’s room, where he locates Eddie’s bag and digs out his pajamas, which consist of a threadbare white t-shirt and a pair of flannel pants. He’s got a sweatshirt at the bottom of the bag, but Buck decides to go back out into the living room and grab one of his own sweatshirts instead. It’ll be bigger and hopefully cozier than Eddie’s own (not to mention the fact that he’s been wanting to give Eddie one of his sweatshirts for...too long). 

“How is he?” Chris asks, while Buck is digging through his bag. 

“He’s taking a nice warm shower right now,” Buck says, tugging his sweatshirt free of his other clothes. “Then we’ll come and join you out here with -” he looks up at the TV, where Chris has chosen the movie Frozen. He laughs out loud, and Chris giggles. “With Frozen, and I’ll make us some hot cocoa, and we’ll get nice and warmed up.”

“Okay,” Chris agrees. Buck makes his way back to the bathroom with the clothes in hand, stopping along the way to grab a towel from the linen closet. He throws all of the items into the cabin’s little dryer and lets them spin for a few minutes, during which time he checks up on Eddie, who seems to be shivering considerably less under the now-steaming water. 

When the clothes and towel are nicely warmed up, Buck brings them back into the bathroom. “You might wanna get out now before these all cool down again,” he suggests, and Eddie reaches up to turn off the water. His hand trembles a little, but for the most part he looks quite a bit steadier, and Buck breathes a sigh of relief. Eddie’s really going to be fine. 

He gives Eddie some privacy to dry off, and a few minutes later, he emerges from the bathroom, hair still wet, the sleeves of Buck’s sweatshirt covering his hands, which hold onto the damp towel. Buck takes it from him and uses it to dry off Eddie’s hair a bit better than Eddie had managed to do. It sticks up from his head when he’s done, and makes him look way cuter than Buck thinks he has any right to. He quickly squashes down that thought and hangs the towel up in the bathroom, then tells Eddie to go sit down on the couch while he makes some hot chocolate. 

Buck watches Eddie walk slowly out to the living room, and hears him laugh softly at Chris’ choice of movie. He smiles to himself, wonders briefly how in the hell he had gotten so lucky as to have these two wonderful people in his life, then gets busy making some hot chocolate. While he stirs the milk in the pan, he thinks about what they’re going to do if their activities end up being impossible due to the snow. He knows Chris might complain for a moment, then accept whatever fate they’re handed, but they had spent a lot of time planning this trip, and Chris had been so excited to come and see the trees he’d learned so much about in school, and he can’t let the kid miss out on that. Privately, he resolves to bring the Diazes back to the park in the summer, when they can be assured it’s not going to snow. 

Buck finishes up the hot chocolate and distributes it across three large mugs, which he balances precariously in his arms as he makes his way into the living room. He sets the steaming mugs carefully onto the coffee table, pulling it closer to the couch so that Chris can easily reach it, then sits down on the couch with Chris and Eddie. Chris is curled into Eddie's left side, a large blanket covering them both. Eddie’s still shivering a bit, but there’s a tinge of pink returning to his face, and he turns and smiles at Buck when he sits down on Eddie’s other side. 

“How you feeling?” Buck asks softly, as Chris presses play on the remote. 

“Better,” Eddie whispers back, reaching out and grabbing one of the mugs. He wraps his hands around it, and Buck wraps his left arm around Eddie’s shoulders, tugging him closer in the process and letting his hand rest on Chris’ shoulder. 

They watch the movie in comfortable silence, and by the time it’s halfway through, Chris is almost asleep and Eddie is no longer shivering. After another fifteen minutes, Chris is solidly asleep, leaning against the side of the couch, and Eddie’s head has dropped down to rest on Buck’s shoulder. 

I really don’t wanna do this, Buck thinks, but he also doesn’t want Chris and Eddie to sleep all bunched up and uncomfortable on the couch, so he gently pushes on Eddie until he sits up, blinking around confusedly for a second until his eyes land on Buck.

“Sorry,” Buck whispers. “Couldn’t let you fall asleep out here.”

Eddie nods, resting his head against the couch cushion instead, and Buck stands up, circling around the couch. He carefully picks up Chris, trying his best not to wake him, then carries him to his room and tucks him into bed. He presses a quick kiss to Chris’ forehead, then gently closes the door and returns to Eddie. 

Who is again half-asleep. “C’mon Eds, let’s get you to bed,” Buck says, grabbing Eddie’s hands and pulling him to his feet. Eddie leans forward, pressing his head into Buck’s shoulder and making an mmph sound. 

“It’s not that far,” Buck promises, and Eddie reluctantly starts walking. Buck follows behind him, arms full of several of the blankets from the couch. 

Once they arrive in the bedroom, Eddie immediately flops down onto the bed, not even bothering to crawl under the blankets. Buck sighs and untucks them, pulling them out from underneath Eddie and then draping them over his already-nearly-asleep form. He piles on several more blankets, until Eddie is fairly buried in them. That done, he turns to leave. 

“Buck.”

“Yeah?” Buck turns around in the doorway. 

“Stay.”

Buck doesn’t even pretend to try and fight. Instead, he simply crawls into the bed beside Eddie. His skin is still slightly colder than it should be, and Buck tells himself that this is the only reason why he pulls Eddie in closer to his chest, tucking Eddie’s head beneath his chin. They fit together like that easily, and Eddie sighs contentedly, tugging one of the blankets completely off of Buck and pulling it closer to himself as his breathing slows and deepens. 

Buck is all of a sudden very glad that it’s dark and Eddie is turned away from him, so there is no chance of him seeing the ridiculously fond grin that spreads across his face. I think maybe this is what it’s supposed to be like, Buck thinks, and then he closes his eyes and lets sleep take him, too.

thanks for reading this! i hope you liked it :)

[softisdangerous]

Excerpt from Chap 17 of Call of the Blood

Eric’s POV - Thursday July 16th & Friday, July 17th, 2009

I closed the bar for the night. Interrogating the drainers had been useless, and their screams were both irritating and loud, but at least Chow enjoyed his work. Pam had been telling me for months that it was time to adjust our styling again, to keep up with the times and that my long hair was getting to the point of ridiculous. I did not like to change my hair, but I was inclined to let her pamper me a bit. I had been short tempered with her, nearly biting her head off at every question she asked me. My ill-temper was only exacerbated by the fact that I was ridiculously thirsty, and the only thing that sounded remotely appetizing to me was Jane’s fresh blood.

But I wasn’t about to put her at risk again. No, I lacked the control to drink from her right now. It was nearly unthinkable that after a thousand years I still couldn’t master all of my bloodlust, but I wasn’t too proud to admit it, if only to myself. It did have me questioning what made Jane so unique. I was beginning to wonder if she was all human, or if she had some latent ancestry that made her blood addictive, and made the drinker…what? What effect did she have on me? Insanity? Obsession?

Love?

I squashed that thought quickly. No, she was just unique and Godric was missing.

Pam was putting foul chemicals on my head and idly explaining what she was doing, but I wasn’t focusing on her words. I was still attempting to think. Godric missing? He would have told me where he was. He had always informed me when he was leaving, even if he knew that I wouldn’t be pleased by his departure. How could he be missing? The drainers had no methods that Godric wouldn’t have been able to overcome. He was too old, too powerful for drainers to have taken him. And based on the conversation of prisoners downstairs, I doubted there was nothing these racists could do that Godric wouldn’t simply be able to bat away. That wouldn’t stop me from questioning him, most vigorously.

I despised the newest addition to the prison in the basement. Royce Allen Williams. It constantly talked, finally admitting shame for past actions, only now, when confronted with imminent demise. I knew these weak types. If released, he would return exactly to his old ways, claim it was an act of God and continue on with dishonorable acts. My teeth were already on edge and then when it discussed escaping… I couldn’t control my rage.

Pam sighed loudly when she heard its plans to escape.

“Don’t fuck up your hair,” she demanded as I stood to go collect it.

“I won’t Pam, I’ll bring it up, let Chow do the dirty work, and then he can put the rat back in it’s cage.”

She huffed, but didn’t stop me.

I strolled down to the basement silently.

“I got a plan. I'm busting us out,” the racist claimed.

“Don't be an idiot,” the V dealer advised wisely.

“I'll come back for you. Promise,” the man claimed. I made some noise so they would know I was coming. I heard their heart rates jump and it was almost enough to make me smile. I hummed softly to myself.

“Shh, Shut up.”

“Shushing won't do you any good, Sweetheart. We hear everything. Since you made me come all the way down here, I'm gonna take out some of the garbage,” I told them as I removed the cape that Pam had placed on me to prevent the chemicals in my hair from staining my clothes. I knelt down in front of the pathetic piece of trash that had burned Malcom, Liam, and Diane’s nest to the ground. “Royce Allen Williams, we have a few questions for you, with regard to a fire which killed three of our kind.” I stared him down.

“No fucking way, man. I don't know anything,” he said, pretending to not be afraid, but I could hear his heart pounding.

“Crimes against vampires are on the rise. We even lost a Sheriff just days ago. We seek answers.” I unchained him and pushed him forward and then, most surprisingly, he turned and struck me across the face.

He screamed at me, “Die, you dead fucker!”

I was furious when I felt the burn of silver against my face, how had I not noticed? The stench of human filth was disgusting and overwhelming. One more reason to not chain prisoners this way; it was impossible to scent silver through the odor.

That silver burn against my skin… it amplified all the emotions I had been trying to resist. My fear, my rage, my bloodlust. It all came pouring forth.

I eviscerated him where he stood, drinking his filthy blood and pulling off several of his limbs. It was, in no way, satisfying. I felt worse than before, still thirsty, and more on edge than ever. I tossed an arm away, and it accidentally splattered against the final prisoner, the V dealer, Lafayette Reynolds.

“If you have any silver on you, now would be the time to reveal it,” I told him.

From his hiding spot behind a post he called out, “No way. I ain't that stupid.”

“Yes, you are,” I replied. And then I noticed how much blood I had on my hands. I went to wipe my mouth and realized I had splattered it all over. “Is there blood in my hair?” I asked the man.

“What?” he responded. Was he an idiot or just hard of hearing?

“Is there blood in my hair?” I asked him again, louder.

“I..I don't know, I can't see in this light,” he stuttered out.

I zoomed over to him.

“How about now?” I asked, looking into his deep eyes.

“Yeah, there's a little bit of blood there,” he stammered, his heart pounded deliciously. At least he was honest. I wished I could scent him more, but all I could smell was the blood of the racist and the foul scent of human waste.

“Well this is bad. Pam is gonna kill me,” I realized out to loud to him.

“Who the fuck is Pam?” he asked and I found it amusing that he had so quickly forgotten his place.

“Why, do you wanna meet her?” I asked, toying with him.

“No. No. I'm good,” he replied, and I found his mock confidence charming.

“Well, you're going to,” I told him as I unchained him.

“Where are you taking me?” he asked as I held him by the back of the neck and pushed him forward.

“To find out what you know,” I explained, kicking the remaining bits of the racist out of the way. “I wouldn't try anything rash if I were you. I'm still hungry.”

I brought him up to the office where Pam and Chow were waiting, I pushed him into the chair opposite the desk as Pam started berating me.

“What the fuck, Eric!” she snapped. “You’ve ruined your hair!”

She had already been upset with me, and now this?

“I’m sorry Pam, it was not my intention,” I told her with a sigh, I didn’t often apologize to her, but it was called for.

I sat on the stool, she put a fresh cape on me, and then she began to assess the damage.

“This is a disaster. We'll have to go much shorter than I planned.”

“Yeah, well, I said I was sorry, Pam. But he took silver to me,” I explained. I looked at the V dealer, Lafayette Reynolds. “You were there. You saw it. Defend me,” I urged him.

“I don't know what it is you wanna know, but point me in the direction, and I give to you,” he told me earnestly and fearfully.

“I've seen your website,” I started, Chow had shown me it earlier. It was an impressive bit of tawdriness, and I was certain it was lucrative. “It's quite, uh, low rent. But your clients miss you, Lafayette. They're wondering if you're ever coming back.”

“Am I?” he asked, and I let the silence linger. “Look, I'm here because of the V, right? How 'bout I give you the names of everybody I ever sold to?” Already so cooperative? Lovely.

“And all this time I thought prostitutes were good at keeping secrets,” Pam snarked, knowing the prevarication of that statement more than anyone. Prostitutes would only keep a secret for a price, and for her the price had always been quite high.

“Don't get it twisted, honeycomb, I'm a survivor first, a capitalist second, and a whole bunch of other shit after that. But a hooker, dead last. So if I got even a Jew at an al Qaeda pep rally shot at getting my black ass up out this motherfucker, I'm taking it. Now, what you wanna know?”

Pam smiled, absolutely delighted, and I could see why. This Lafayette Reynolds was a cut from the exact same cloth as her.

A survivor first, a businesswoman second, and a hooker dead last.

“The vampire you had your little arrangement with. Eddie Fournier. What happened to him?” I asked.

“I don't know. I swear to God I don't. Last time I saw him he was doing real good. But I think he may have been taken by somebody,” Lafayette had hesitated to tell me this information, he must have an inkling of the perpetrator.

“By whom?” I prompted.

“I don't know,” he started. “I mean I ain't sure.”

“Hm, that's not very forthcoming of you,” I told him. I looked over at my enforcer, who had been waiting so very patiently. “Chow, you're up.”

“No! No, chill out. Shit,” Lafayette held up his hand to Chow, motioning for him to stop, and then Lafayette caved. “I think it... I think it was... Jason Stackhouse.”

“Jason Stackhouse?” I asked, nonplussed.

“Sookie's brother,” Pam reminded me in Swedish. “Could be fun,” she added and then I remember him. Handsome, AB negative, and he had come to the bar looking for vampire blood.

“Fun, but also stupid. Sookie is too important for us now,” I reminded Pam. She was an asset, one that I wanted working for me.

“That's true,” Pam agreed, reluctantly.

“Sadly, this information is of no use to me. Not now, anyway,” I told the confused looking Lafayette. Then I moved on to the line of questioning that I had been most anxious to discuss. “I understand dealers of vampire blood sometimes trade product with one another across state lines. Any buyers in the Dallas area?” I asked, revealing some of what I had learned from the drainers before I had killed them. Their blood was all bagged up and sitting in the freezer now, and the irony of draining drainers was not lost on me.

“One,” Lafayette said right away, cooperating fully. “He never gave me his name though. I have an e-mail address. Pussylover9@shemail.com.”

Pam smirked at the email address, and I wondered briefly if she was going to change her online handle.

“A friend of mine in the Dallas area, his name is Godric, has gone missing. Now, while the circumstances of his disappearance are unclear, it stands to reason his blood would be very valuable, as he's over twice my age and ten times the vampire I will ever be,” I said and realized that I had said more than I wanted. That my worries about him were sliding smoothly from my tongue and that I needed to feed again if I was ever going to get myself under control.

“Oh Eric, you don't do humble well,” Pam said teasingly, trying to lighten my mood. She knew with Godric missing, I was more on edge than ever.

“I was not being humble. This happens to be true,” I nearly snapped at her again, and I saw her hurt at my behavior toward her. I focused back on my line of questioning.“Your associate, this ‘pussylover’, has he or she mentioned any new product coming on the market?”

“No, no. And I would tell you. You know that,” he told me and I knew that he was honest, but it frustrated me to no end that he had nothing that could help.

I turned to Chow and asked him, “Take our guest and lock him back out, will you?”

Lafayette jumped to his feet. “Fuck that, I ain't going back down there. I gave you…”

“You gave me nothing!” I shouted, furious that this man had no information that would lead to Godric.

“I'm not going back.” Lafayette tried to push Chow away, and I gave the order again.

“Chow, now.”

Lafayette fought against Chow and I found it curious. I couldn’t help but be impressed by his vigor, his fight, his passion.

“I gave you every... I gave you everything! I ain't going back down!” he continued to shout as Chow manhandled him back down to the basement.

It was then that I heard the sound of an additional human heart beat and the soft scent of roses. I reached out to my blood in Jane and, of course, she was standing in the hall outside the office. What in Hel was she doing here?

The door creaked open and there was sweet little Jane. Her eyes widened as she took in my appearance. Perhaps this would scare her off for good.

“Jane,” I greeted her.

“I guess I should have called,” she said meekly.

“Yes,” I replied. She certainly had the power understatement. I turned to Pam, “Leave us. I need to glamour her.” Pam looked over at Jane and shook her head, leaving the office and shutting the door behind her. Why had Jane even come here? I didn’t want to have to do this, but she left me with no choice! I looked over at little Jane, she looked especially young and doll-like. “I have to glamour you now. You realize that?”

“Why?” she asked, clearly confused.

I prayed for the patience of Baldr, and I rested my hands on my desk. She drove me absolutely insane.

“You saw one of the prisoners, and he recognized you, even. What is to prevent you from telling the human authorities what you saw?” I asked her, and she stared me down.

“I won’t,” she promised. “It’s none of their business. You’re the Sheriff. He was the V dealer, I assume?” she asked, crossing her arms, and pushing her perfect bosom higher.

“Yes,” I acknowledged.

“I won’t tell anyone I saw him. Please… don’t glamour me,” she begged me and I saw her lip tremble in fear. I believed she wouldn’t give up this information knowingly, but her mind was open to any vampire, and now the telepath as well. I had to glamour her, for her own safety.

“It’s too dangerous for you as well. Especially now that you’re friends with a telepath, your silence could incriminate you,” I explained to her. Those dark blue green eyes of hers steeled and I could help but feel proud of her. She could be quite brave, facing something that she feared so greatly.

“What will you do? Make me forget?” she asked.

“That path leads to many problems, as you saw with Ginger. You will retain the memory, but you won’t be able to think of it. You will know, but you won’t be able to say anything about it.” I didn’t want to have to glamour her, and I worried about this.I knew too much glamouring would damage her mind. And her mind was a unique one.

She nodded at me, drawing her courage around her.

I hated this. I remember what she had told me, that it felt like mind rape. I never wanted to make her feel violated, especially in light of the other trauma she had experienced.

“Fine,” she told me and I began the glamour.

“Jane.”

Her eyes glazed over and I imposed my will on her.

“You will not be able to think of the man that you saw Chow take to the basement. You will not speak of what you witnessed to anyone.”

“Of course,” she agreed.

I released her and she lurched to the trash bin, vomiting. Humans and their fluids. I’d had enough of them today. She sat on the couch, and I felt her through the blood. I felt her upset. Why did she do this? It made me hate myself.

“Why did you come?” I asked her.

“I wanted to talk to you. I can see that you’re... busy. I’ll go. I’ll text or call next time,” she told me vaguely, standing to leave. I grabbed her arm, my intention had been to ask her to elaborate, to explain what her purpose was but I felt her warmth beneath my hand and all my urges to devour and claim her came hurtling to the surface. The look she gave me, the feeling from her in the blood...lust. She wanted me. She wanted me even when I was covered in blood.

My fangs dropped hard and I was seconds away from biting her throat and fucking her on my desk.

What the fuck was wrong with me? I released her quickly and forced my fangs up painfully.

“Jane. Things are...tense. With my Maker missing,” I tried to explain, but I really couldn’t. I couldn’t explain my loss of control around her.

“Let me know if I can help,” she offered sweetly.

She had no idea of the danger I posed to her, I shook my head at her. “I will not hurt you again,” I promised her.

She smiled her strange sad smile, the one that made the area where my heart used to pulse ache.

“Goodnight, Eric,” she said softly, and then she left.

What the fucking Hel!? I slammed my hand against the wall, creating a crack in the plaster and I didn’t give a flying fuck.

What was wrong with me?

****

The next evening I took Pam to the mall and allowed her to shop and style me as she pleased. It seemed the very least I could do and having my childe close brought me comfort. I wore Godric’s platinum coated fang around my throat, as if wearing it would allow me to find him.

As we were strolling through the mall, who should we see but Bill fucking Compton.

Then, in a stroke of genius, I had an idea. Bill’s telepathic human could search for Godric. Sookie could investigate the humans at the Fellowship of the Sun and see if Stan’s assertion that they were behind Godric’s disappearance was correct.

“Go to the bar Pam, I’ll meet you there after I negotiate with Billy boy,” I told her. She brushed invisible lint from the navy tracksuit she had dressed me in and then departed with a smile. While it wasn’t what I would choose for myself, I was fine with indulging my child in her game of dressup.

I strolled through the store, and meandered over to Bill.

“Good evening, old sport,” I greeted him, hoping to make him feel at ease. He would be easier to bargain with if he was in a giving mood.

“Eric?” he said, astounded, by either my presence or my new attire, it was hard to say.

“It's the new me. You like?” I asked, smirking. How many times do we have to reinvent ourselves?

“I do. Very much,” Bill agreed, the Mainstreamer he was, he would likely follow all the latest human trends. I almost scoffed at the idea of him wearing one of those hats that truckers wear. The sales associate that had been attempting to hit on him, backed away sheepishly.

“Oh, okay,” she looked between us and I realized that she thought we were a couple. Hilarious, as if Bland Bill could stir my passions.

“We need to talk,” I told him.

He glared and I led him away from the humans and began to explain.

“The Sheriff of Area 9 in Texas has gone missing. Have you heard about that?”

“I hadn't, but I know the vampire of whom we speak. His name is Godric, correct?”

I wondered how Bill knew of Godric. But Godric’s reputation did precede him.

“Indeed. Now it goes without saying he needs to be found. Which is where Sookie comes in. As she's yours, I'm asking your permission to take her with me to Dallas,” I explained my plan to him.

“Eric, you can do whatever you want with me, but I am not putting her in this position anymore. I cannot and I will not allow you to bring her into these matters,” he said, not even attempting to barter with me.

“We made a deal, your human and I. That if I didn't kill, she would work for me as often as I like. Now, you remember this, don't you? You were there,” I reminded him.

“Taking her across state lines is a far cry from taking her to Fangtasia for the evening,” Bill said sternly, clearly not willing to discuss this further. What a fool.

“I'm only asking your permission out of respect. If I want her, I can simply take her. Is "no" your final answer?” I asked him.

“It is,” he said firmly.

I shook my head, and replied, “Poorly played, Bill.”

He wasn’t even willing to try to bargain with me, and I wondered again about his purpose with the telepathic waitress. I checked my phone on the way out of the mall, surprised to see that I missed several calls from Pam. I called her as I strolled out.

“You rang?” I asked.

“Mmm, yeah, the lovely Lafayette Reynolds tried to escape and Ginger shot him,” Pam said in her usual tone.

“Is he dead?” I asked her in Swedish.

“Not yet, our meretricious little Macgyver dug the metal hip out of his dead compadre with his teeth, used it to break his chains, and then attempted to seduce Ginger into letting him go,” Pam explained gleefully. “I like him, can we keep him?”

“Creative,” I commented as I exited the mall. “I’ll be there soon.”

I went behind the mall and took off in flight. I had to stop and pick up the accounting work from Bruce, and then I was able to return to Fangtasia. I strolled into the back, checking over the numbers for the bar. It was scented with rich thick blood, flavorful and powerful...full of untapped potential.

“Sorry to keep you waiting for so long,” I said as I entered the office. “How's the leg?” I asked Lafayette.

“Shitty. Thanks for asking,” he replied with sarcasm at his pain and Pam grinned again.

“After all your proclamations about what a model prisoner you were going to be, you had to try to escape,” I said, curious about his reasoning, but he did say he was a survivor first. I couldn’t really begrudge him that.

“You were going to kill me anyway, right?” he asked next and Pam smirked. We’d certainly have to kill him now, he wasn’t going to make it without medical care.

“Now you'll never know. So, what's it gonna be, Lafayette? Would you like the leg to kill you, or would you prefer us to do it?”

“I'm gonna go with plan C,” he said and he surprised me, such a rare thing for a breather.

“There's a plan C?” I asked.

“Make me a vampire,” he offered.

“I beg your pardon?”

Then he began to make his case, “And you can put me to work in the bar. I'm a good dancer. You seen it on my site. Shit, I get up there and move Earth and heaven, go-go style.”

I came and stood over him, not sure what he knew about vampires and turning. “You are aware there's a gaping hole in your leg? You're damaged goods,” I tested him.

“Not if you turn me. I'll be good as ever.” So he did know at least that much. “Look, I... I'm already a person of poor moral character, so I'll hit the ground running. And I damn near glamour people already. Give me what y'all got, and it's on me, cracker. Not only will I be a badass vampire, but I'll be your badass vampire.”

For a moment, time was frozen. I was sucked into the memory of Pamela asking me to turn her, and me refusing, and her making her case to me. And then her killing herself anyway and I decided… I chose to have her by side, my companion.

My badass vampire.

I liked this Lafayette Reynolds. He lived with a sort of honesty that was rare, and he had shown himself to have the survival instincts and spirit that would take him through the ages. He interested me, and so very few men did. He also reminded me much of Pam and I could see that they would be excellent blood siblings, thick as thieves. It would be good to have youngling around, so fresh and eager...

I scented his rich blood, his untapped potential and….it all intrigued me.

Was I actually considering this, now, with my control all over and Godric missing? Was this just another way in which I was losing touch? No, best not to make any major decisions now. We could start to drink from him now, I could reconsider later, after I’d fed, and had a clearer head. He had a few good nights left in him still.

“Interesting. I'll take it under advisement,” I told him. “Pam, Chow, chowtime,” I offered and Chow grinned at my play on words, puns really were the height of humor.

Then, I leaned over and bit Lafayette.

He was absolutely delicious.

[smartguyreviewed]

2x4 - Dateline

Original air date: Oct 1, 1997

Anyone who was holding their breath for me to get back to this, thank you. Been going through a lot like most people right now but I had to remember this blog is a good distraction because I get to write about one of my favorite shows growing up. Anyways, enjoy. :) 

Let’s talk about cock-blocking or to be more gender inclusive...actually, I can’t think of a term similar that utilizes both a male and female part. Anyhoo, let’s talk about it.

I’ve done it (unintentionally). You’ve done it. We’ve all had it done to us as well. Like the night you finally got a chance to be alone with your dipshit crush and your annoying friend tried to insert herself until she finally realized what was going on and left you two alone so you could have your first kiss ever at age 19.

TJ is an extreme cock blocker. He will break your shit up and then pout because he’s still just a kid. Normally, TJ only wants to punish Marcus by enacting this cruel tactic but in this episode, he shifts gears to the person who is both a mother and father to him: Daddy Flody.

We begin this episode at a supermarket. Tj is checking out cereals and Floyd is checking out dat ass.

TJ catches Floyd staring and in his precocious little way, starts asking him questions about women. It kind of reminds me of Frank from Milk Money. which is a horrible movie that I adore and you should watch it because despite a little kid befriending a prostitute, it’s still a decent 90s coming-of-age tale. And Alex DeLarge is in it.

After TJ makes his dad sweat further by asking what body type gets his penis erect, TJ comes to the conclusion that Floyd is lonely and could probably benefit from some female companionship.

Cut to TJ on an unrealistically chatty PC barking at TJ to fill in the boxes for Floyd. I don’t know about you, but if my computer kept talking to me, I’d throw it out of the fucking window. I am so glad websites that talk at you are obsolete. Apparently, this computer is also sentient because TJ pauses for just a moment too long when Marcus comes in and this impatient computer bitch asks for the rest of the info in a more demanding tone.

But because TJ was distracted, he inputs his own height instead of his dad’s and the computer announces that she’s transferring him to their little people’s section. Hey, they gotta find love too!

Marcus is skeptical of why TJ is trying to set Floyd up. Just then, Yvette walks in and asks who is using her eyeliner to write down phone messages, which I totally expect a straight man to do. After fessing up, Marcus asks Yvette to dissuade TJ from setting up his dad. Yvette then uses her soon-to-be psychology degree on Marcus and reasons that he might be a little salty because he doesn’t want another woman to replace his mom. But no, Marcus is a teenage boy and completely lacking depth until certain episodes call for it. Instead, he says he just wants the car on weekend evenings so he can try to bang his latest girl of the week. Of course, he could just be deflecting to avoid a heavy conversation but I’m gonna go with the former because Marcus is the horniest boy on the show.

Yvette decides to help TJ since Floyd has few dating options. Her plan is to beef up his personal ad by making him younger and a fan of soul food and Maya Angelou. Marcus is still not with the shits and says that nobody wants to date an “old guy with three kids.” Completely forgetting about the fact that his dad is an attractive man, this happens instead:

TJ and the gang are now making final cuts on the 130 prospects Floyd had. I mean, that’s great and all but I’m sure at least half of those women were catfishes. Then again, in the 90s, maybe there was more legitimacy since there wasn’t enough technology to hide behind? I dunno. But Floyd definitely has some options.

While deliberating who will receive the clock from Floyd, Marcus makes what would be considered a transphobic comment questing if some of them really are women and how he doesn’t want Floyd to end up like Eddie Murphy. Mo, on the other hand is questing if this is even legal. Mo is a teenage boy and is probably likening it to what Tinder now is: a place to meet horny individuals.

Yvette thinks the ladies are good picks but then begins nitpicking their flaws, among one of them being that one of the ladies has breast implants. Because women who get surgeries to help boost their self esteem apparently don’t deserve love? Yvette is such a hypocrite as we’ll see in the future. Mo then begins taking the rejected pics because he loves older women, especially ones with perceived low self esteem. Just then, Floyd comes in the room and the gang has to cover up their dirty work. Floyd makes a bad joke and then dips out.

They eventually settle on a light-skinned natural woman named Jamie. They agree to meet at the grocery store, sot hat’s where we end up. Marcus is acting like he’s never seen pretty girls outside of school and leaves to spit game at women who just wanna be left alone so they can buy their frozen pizza and wine in peace.

Jamie sees who she thinks is her suitor and immediately is pissed because she, you know, thought she’d be meeting Floyd and not a little boy. Yvette comes over to smooth things over and convinces Jamie to meet Floyd. Well, TJ’s cute face convinced her after she was understandably freaked out. They go to meet Floyd. 

Jamie shows up and explains what happened and that she was pre-screened to make sure she wasn’t a guy. Floyd actually even gives her an up and down look before she says she passed! Pretty sure this also wouldn’t go over well today. Jamie and Floyd, however, hit it off and leave to go on a date. When they get back, Yvette and TJ are spying on the new couple to see how it went. Floyd was actually bigging up TJ and talking about how smart he is to Jamie when they got in. Aww. Floyd is proud of his son for hooking him up. Yvette is noticeably annoyed at how he gets all of the credit, but I mean, it was his idea. Yvette just helped him out. 

Upon completion of this totally selfless act to get his father some love, TJ is happy at first. Yay TJ! You’re on the right track to becoming a thoughtful human be--

Sike! TJ immediately regrets this decision once he realizes that his father having a personal life means that he won’t see him as much. TJ has a basketball game coming up that Floyd won’t be able to attend now. Yvette offers to take him but it’s not the same because Yvette is a girl and girls aren’t fun. And just like that, TJ the petty, cock-blocking asshole comes back.

The next day, TJ and Floyd are playing basketball when Jamie comes home. Floyd invites her to play but TJ is all like “bitch, wait your turn” and then Floyd puts her on TJ’s team. She then bribes TJ with the food she’s about to cook for them. He agrees but then Jamie and Floyd start flirting because duh. TJ leaves in a jealous fit, upset that this woman he hooked his father up with has the gall to want to spend time with him. He simulates what he wants to do to her body on a bag of Funions.

I have to say though, how long was the frame of this episode? Days? Weeks? Jamie has essentially become their stepmom. She’s even giving Marcus advice on how to treat a girl like a human being instead of a meat popsicle with titties. Yvette and Marcus then leave, allowing Jamie and Floyd their Blockbuster and Chill time with The Preacher’s Wife.

But TJ is a boner detector because as soon as Jamie and Floyd are about to mash faces, TJ whimpers for his pa because he doesn’t feel good. We think Floyd banished him to his room but then TJ comes over and pushes the two would-be lovers apart so he can ruin their night. Jamie eventually decides to leave, even though it’s clear she was holding out in case she could get a piece of Floyd but TJ completely squashed that possibility. Floyd actually whines when Jamie says she’s leaving. Aww. Floyd is lonely. Does TJ care? Of course not. 

TJ sounds perfectly fine when he says he’s sorry he ruined the night. Father and son decide to just watch the movie together instead.

The next day at school, Marcus is spitting his game at the girl he went on a date with. Turns out, treating women like actual people has been working well for him! He’s even going on a second date. Yvette comes by to let TJ know that she’s picking him up again. TJ is, of course, pissed because Jamie had come over to the house the night before, albeit dick-less. Yvette has to explain to TJ that when you date someone, the goal is to see them frequently and that he’s the reason their last date sucked. She then shatters Marcus’s dreams by letting him know that Floyd is taking his car on his date. Guess Marcus is gonna have to make out on the bus.

TJ’s lips are all puckered because he’s losing his father to another woman. He’s so distressed that he actually picks a fight with a senior. Mo steps in and literally drags TJ home. No, seriously. He carried TJ like a bag of groceries all the way to the Henderson house during school. Then he transformed into a therapist to get to the root of TJ’s outburst. This is during school hours. Mo skipped school to bring TJ home and give Floyd advice. Mo is amazing.

TJ is playing basketball with himself when Floyd comes in and then he spills that he’s sick of Jamie. Floyd reminds TJ that he’s the one who set them up and I guess TJ didn’t know things would actually change. Now would have been a good time to mention if he feels some way about another woman besides Yvette playing a maternal figure in the wake of his mother’s never explained death. But Floyd does a good job as usual and says this is temporary because when TJ is a teenager, he won’t want anything to do with Floyd. TJ finally stops being a prick and Floyd offers to be careful about how he schedules his time and then continues the basketball game he let Jamie interrupt previously. Aww Floyd. Too bad TJ is probably going to hold onto this for a while because he was giving his dad a lot of shit in the end credits. This isn’t even the last time he does this to Floyd and we never see Jamie again, so I guess it’s safe to assume that TJ killed Jamie. 

Things I noticed:

- Can we just take a moment to appreciate how hot Floyd is? How could Marcus ever think his dad wouldn’t be able to attract women?

- This brilliant cover for the gang if Floyd came in during the date deliberation:

- Marcus doesn’t want Floyd to go out on dates because he wants the car to himself on the weekends. He says if Floyd starts going out, he’s making out in the back of the bus. Yvette then says, “No, thanks to Rosa Parks, you can make out anywhere on the bus.” Brilliant retort. I really hand it to the writers of this show.