#what i'm talking about here is rather a sense of 'i'm basically fine i'm a decent person with some flaws who is ultimately well-meaning

[flameswallower]

I was just about to type something about how occasionally I manage to find a "cool zone" of ego where nothing can make me feel really bad about myself, but I also have a realistic sense of my own importance/relevance/competence and an ability to laugh at my mistakes. I was going to frame this as a happy medium.

Then I realized that actually, being insecure and prone to feeling bad about myself also tends to make me a lot more prone to bouts of arrogance or grandiosity or not being able to laugh at (or own up to) my mistakes because they feel like a super big deal, humiliating and potentially life or relationship or "career" ruining. Just as outsize feelings of "I'm the worst person in the world" and "everything's always my fault" are self-obsession and grandiosity in disguise, I think a lot of problems we often attribute to people thinking too highly of themselves or being too confident/secure in their abilities and ideas are actually, or at least can be, insecurity and self-hatred in disguise.

I dunno, man. Liking yourself and valuing yourself and seeing yourself as a lovable person is good. I don't think there's actually much, if any, danger that you'll accidentally like yourself too much and thereby cause problems. I think the more you like yourself, the easier it is to be considerate towards other people and act in accordance with what you value and not freak out every time you make a mistake or discover you were wrong about something or get told to change some of your behavior.

[northwest-cryptid]

This may only be my opinion on the matter, and I know a few Natives myself who all have their own ideas about this. However; to me if you want to make a Native character, be they for a game, as an OC; whatever doesn't matter. All you need to do in order to make sure you're not being offensive? Just do like, the bare minimum research.

Step 1. Pick a location for your character.

If your character exists within some fantasy world or whatever then it can be a bit harder to pinpoint something like this. At this point skip to step 2.

If your character is of Earth, or is of our known universe (yes this includes sci fi settings), then trace their bloodline back to where they originally are from.

I say this because it will help you with step 2.

You need to know where, or at least roughly where your character is from.

Step 2. Pick a tribe from that location that makes sense for the character.

Again, even a basic level of research goes a long ways here, I know fanfic writers who would get put on a list looking up the ins and outs of some criminal shit just to accurately write a character, I know you have the ability to research shit so I trust you can do this here.

Figure out based on the location you picked for your character, what tribe they would reasonably be a part of. If you find that you'd rather have them in a specific tribe; perhaps one that's important to you or something; you can do Step 1 and Step 2 in reverse order.

The important thing here is that: If you have to make up a tribe, I'm going to understand you don't actually care about them being Native. If you have to give them a specific tribe but you don't bother to give that tribe the basic respect of knowing where they're from I am once again going to understand you just don't actually give two shits about Natives.

Okay so now that we have an understanding of what tribe our character is from, we can begin looking into that tribe's culture. This may be a bit difficult in some cases since not everything is going to just be out there on the internet, and you may also not have a fundamental understanding of the culture and how it's changed over the years. Guess what, that's fine! I'd rather see a character who's specifically said to be Lakota, and who knows about our deities and teachings even if they're the sort of thing most modern Natives don't believe in or care about. Accurate depiction of culture is not a stereotype!

Once we know what sort of things might be important to this character culturally, we can begin to weave small noticeable traits into them, or you can even make those traits a much larger part of the character. As a quick example, for my Vtuber's design I included not only the colors of the Four Directions but often depict them with a braid and use owl feathers as a sort of symbol of them. This all comes directly from the fact my Life Shield uses owl feathers to represent my family, includes the Four Directions, and I literally grew up with a braid and continue to grow out my hair as to have another; it's all part of the culture I was raised in, even if I amplified the importance of some aspects to sort of make them a trait for a character. Again, accuracy isn't a stereotype.

I also want to briefly mention that when you're naming your character I urge you to look up how people in the tribe are actually named, please don't just do the old "color + animal" thing or whatever and think it's fine. Just again, do the bare minimum research to figure out how people in that tribe are named and go from there. I once joked with my partner that "the only thing about the Natives in Twilight that's remotely accurate is that they have the most generic white American names"

If you want an actually pretty good example of what I'm talking about, look no further than Prey. No not the movie, no not the modern remake; but the game from like 2006.

Our main character here is a Native man named Tommy, or rather Domasi "Tommy" Tawodi and he's actually said to be Cherokee. Now you can say what you will about his spirit powers and such, I get it.

But from a sheer design perspective?

Yea that's not bad at all! Everything from the facial features to his name to his general aesthetic is spot on for the Cherokee I've met out at the reservation. This is what I mean when I say accurate depiction of a culture isn't some harmful stereotype.

I'd love to see more Natives in things, I'd love to see Native OCs; but I feel like people are so scared to make Natives a thing because doing so could be racist if you misrepresent us or something. Like okay let me tell you right now you're not gonna do it worse than people who have made millions off selling books and movies whether it's westerns that depict us all as uncivilized killers or whatever the hell was going on in twilight; you're gonna be fine so long as you TRY.

And yes it's actually as easy as a 3 step process, the same sort of thing you'd do for any character really.

I mean think about it, let's say I was some weeb who really wanted to make a Japanese character but I didn't want to do any research. I could make the mistake of putting them in these overly traditional outfits and settings and maybe at least some of the details would be accurate but overall it'd be pretty bad rep, or I could go the polar opposite direction and just make them look like they're some British street punk with their whole aesthetic being way off from the sort of actual street fashion of places like Tokyo; again misrepresenting a whole subculture there. Or maybe I could do what everyone does to Natives and deem them to be some fantasy race who must have super powers and make them into essentially just an anime character; obviously that would be some severely bad rep. All of which could be fixed if I just bothered to go "okay where do I want this person to be from? What sort of culture do people from there abide by in their day to day life? How could I reflect that in a character?"

Honestly that's just good practice for making any sort of character based on a real world group.

And going back to a point I stated in Step 1. If you want to include a Native character in a fantasy world where ya know, America doesn't exist and therefore we couldn't logically have Native Americans; pick a tribe and go off that. As long as it's accurate I don't believe it would be seen as disrespectful.

At the end of the day there will always be people who get up in arms about anything; like it's their job to twist anything into being racist. You will never make those people happy, don't bother trying.

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

Simon "not feeling anything"

“It was fine, it was sex” is one of those lines I keep coming back to because what does that mean. Even removed from context, in a scale of things that are supposed to be mind-blowingly fantastic or, at the very least, actually good, just "fine" will be perceived as negative. If you prepare someone a meal and they say "it was fine, it was food," you're probably going to think they didn't like it. If someone went out to pick a dress for a special occasion, and they go "it was fine, it was a dress" about the dress they picked... if you don't think they fucking hated that dress, you're likely assuming that person doesn't care about dresses at all. Like, dresses do not cause positive emotions at all. Picking a dress feels like nothing, perhaps. Maybe it's even it's even boring as hell.

A big component of that line is that it sounds dismissive, even more so because it comes with a Simon who is trying to change the subject. He would very much rather not talk and think about this at all (his final word on the matter is a dismissal as well – "it doesn't matter" – which comes in the context of highlighting the difference when you actually want it... "this is how it feels like when you're in love and turned on and so I actually want to do it, whatever works between Baz and me, as opposed to that other time when it wasn't like this and it was the opposite"). But there's something else I want to highlight here...

Fine, in the context of negative things, might not necessarily be seen as positive, but as something that you can handle.

In that sense, maybe it was "fine." In a fucked up way, maybe it was something that could be handled because it felt like nothing. (If this is something impossible for you to imagine, I invite you to look up conversations of real people who fall somewhere in the acespectrum sharing things in the vein of "I tried sex to see what all the buzz was about and it felt like literally nothing. Like washing my car: a tedious exercise. Maybe we're wired differently" – it's obviously not literally nothing, you can very much feel if something or someone touches you, but maybe you get the idea of what I'm trying to say.)

Simon has completely convinced himself that not feeling anything is fine – it's part of why his feelings for Baz are so difficult, and not just when it comes to deciphering them... having them at all is difficult. It's so much. The lack of feelings is what he liked about dating Agatha, after all. Having different interpretations is obviously alright, my own interpretations are richer after seeing others point out things that made me see things I didn’t notice (or saying things that sound wrong and interrogating “why does reading this make me feel like I just licked a goddamn lemon”) but sometimes, somethings are just missing the point. The point is that Simon doesn’t have those feelings for Agatha. If he had been attracted to her, he would have experienced certain feelings he would need to negotiate with. But he never had to do that – he's thrown into the reality of his feelings for Baz with no map, no guidelines, no clue of what do with himself at all. His attraction for Baz throws him into uncharted territory, not just in terms of intensity, but in terms of feeling anything of that nature at all. That doesn't fit into Simon's fucked up idea of "fine." Baz notes Simon goes from 0 to 100, without realizing how much that truly applies. (I'm sure I have other posts that are basically: before discovering he loves and wants Baz, Simon's only intense emotion that he's familiar with is anger, and it would be easy to mix up that heat with attraction to Baz, with whom he's constantly picking fights with, seeking his attention...)

Part of the point is that Baz is the first time he’s dealing with what attraction and romantic love truly feel like, and on top of that, is intense as hell. It's The Love. The Attraction of a lifetime – of many lives, even. Of all of them. If Simon ever had such feelings for Agatha, she would never have felt safe. I don't think people truly realize that when they speculate "there must have been the flames of something" between them at some point. If she had awakened those things at such a precarious and controlled part of Simon's life – we can't ignore how much his emotions had an effect on his crazy magic – it would not have been "fine." She wouldn’t have been an armor, for him ("if you’re as beautiful as her" — not only conforming but standing out in terms of beauty standards is a form of “standing out” in "the right way," of being aspiration — you are untouchable — the opposite of being neglected or rejected for someone as him). "She's the type of person a boy like me is supposed to want" wouldn't have been safe by itself if she also made him feel like exploding (his attraction for Baz, when Simon tries to act on it, feels like going off).

For the record, Simon's "fine" is not the good type of fine. It's not the type of "fine" that makes you sigh in relief. This is a guy who could get shot and say "I'm fine" while bleeding out. And that's just the thing. Simon "not feeling” is necessary so he can live according to others like he does, but it’s not that he doesn’t actually feel anything. He's not made of stone. But he represses his actual feelings, even without realizing (sometimes he's not repressed he can't even identify the thing being repressed, it's just hidden away somewhere... until he can) and seeks situations that don’t awaken anything in him. It's what's more comfortable... and you have to keep in mind this is someone who's used to be uncomfortable. Discomfort is familiar. It's "fine." Being in situations he doesn't actually want to be is "fine" because he can't even identify his own wants. It's not even a factor.

But it's not really fine in the good sense of the word. If it was, he wouldn't self-harm through that conversation, for once (using physical pain to distract himself from the internal discomfort – external discomfort feels good in comparison). It's not "fine" to date someone long-term when you don't feel anything (other than friendship, very tellingly) for them. It doesn't "save you" from feelings, it just makes you sad.

Since Simon avoids processing, he lacks vocabulary to describe what’s happening. Not thinking about what he wants also means he doesn’t question what he doesn’t want... and even if it doesn't seem like a big deal, doing unwanted things still has effects, even if you avoid processing them (I'm sure I wrote that post so I'm not going to elaborate here but I''ll say: associating sex with pressure, not pleasure – only food is associated with pleasure before Simon has sex with Baz – is one such effect). “It was just going through the motions” is Penny’s vocabulary. It's something she says to Simon when he's still not ready to process that everything he believes to be just "fine" it's not. The way he's been living up to that point (according to what everyone expects of him, following a map, not ever making choices about anything ever outside of battles and stalking Baz – Simon's only "me time" is about Baz) is not fine. If you make a list of every moment Simon acts genuinely, truly happy on the page? Most of them are about him being close to Baz. Kissing Baz, touching Baz, taking to Baz. Making choices about how to live his life (by itself unfamiliar, and does not feel "fine").

Sex with Baz is not fine. And it's not just because it's better than fine on a scale of "was it good?" (even acknowledging something like "I had sex and it wasn't good" it's feeling something – negative feelings are also not fine if the full force of them are processed, they're only fine if they can be pushed aside and repressed). It's not fine because it makes Simon feel so much, and after being so used to nothingness, it's a complete shock to his system. It's going from 0 to 100. It's bigger than magic – even the one he had (and back then, releasing his magic was the only type of release he knew... it's no wonder that another type of release would be so difficult, after all, the only type of release he's used to is destructive... but that's another post, too)

[robitherat]

Thinking about the fact that most of Tims character arch is based around him actually dealing with the things from his past

Like a major part of tims character is his denial of the things that happened to him-- his repression of memories, chalking things up to hallucinations, suffering in silence, brushing off any concern from those around him ("Tim what's that?" "Just some medicine I need to take" "Are you sick, do you need to go home?" "No I'm fine.") The fact that he never mentioned his medical history or his time at the hospital to Jay until he was basically forced to.

And what was it that finally made him tell Jay about the hospital? The operator directly attacking him and making him relive scenes from his past. It wasn't until he was forced to realize what was at stake, forced to essentially confront the danger he was in by bottling up his past, that he willingly (at least somewhat) shared that information with someone. I do like to think that maybe Tim opened up to Brian in college, but as far as cannon evidence, we only really see Tim willingly talking to Jay about it. Brian knew, sure, but it's just as easy to assume he found that after the fact-- that he caught Tim in the lie, rather than Tim telling him outright.

And Tim really isn't a great liar, either. Like I know we talk about Jay being a little bit of an idiot (rightfully so) but Tim's main course of lying is. The most obvious deflection in the world. When Jay mentions the tape in his house, Tim's response is to immediately deflect ("I'm a little more worried about my house right now.") which would be a smaller thing if Tim wasn't intimately aware of how important it was to find and watch any tapes they possibly could. Tim's only method to coping with things that happen to him and the people around him is through denial, even in times when it would be infinitely more beneficial to acknowledge the issue at hand.

What's even more interesting to me is that Tim is seemingly the only character that makes any genuine progress in fighting against the operator. But that comes with the caveat that Tim is only able to do so when he actually confronts the operator, and by association, the issues of his past.

The only way he and Jay are able to make amends and move on is by Tim telling Jay about the hospital, which was only spurred on by Tim being forced to relive his trauma. Right after Tim tells Jay to stay out his life, he (by force of tta) has a relapse and ends up paired with Jay anyways. The only way he's able to get Jay and himself away from Alex's house in one piece is by literally physically standing up to the operator. In the fight against Alex, the whole time he's being ported around, he is monologuing about his past-- he's finally acknowledging the things that happened to him, that they weren't his fault, that they affect other people, and that violence isn't the answer to dealing with them-- that isolating yourself and denying the truth of what's happening isn't the answer.

And of course this is all tied back to the metaphor of mental illness: the fact that you cannot deny the things that have happened to you if you have any hope of moving on from them. you can't lash out or harm others because of your trauma if you have any hope of moving past it. The reason Jay, Brian, and ultimately Alex all died is because they were incapable of facing their issues head on; they all turned to anger, isolation, violence, and otherwise feeding into what the operator wanted, or alternatively, feeding into the misery spiral of their mental illness, rather than finding healthy coping mechanisms to heal from and move on from it.

God I need to write a full analysis essay about him OKAY I'm ending it here these aren't all my thoughts this doesn't make sense but I'm ending it here thank you for watching goodbye

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my mother not to do certain things?

Let me start off by saying i'm homeschooled. I've been homeschooled my entire life. I don't have any friends offline, so I've pretty much come here to ask for outside opinions from my friend groups (online).

Prefer not to state ages, if that's okay. It makes me uncomfortable.

I have ocd, suspected autism, and either auditory processing disorder or misophonia (we're not sure which.) as well as a plethora of other issues. my mother is very aware that i have ocd (she has it herself) and i've mentioned misophonia to her several times. she doesn't know about my other mental issues, as for reasons you're probably going to see here, as i don't feel comfortable or safe telling her. (or, i've tried, and she doesn't listen, or tells me i'm "being dramatic.")

my ocd is quite crippling, to the point i've tried medication, herbal tea (chamomile seems to work a bit!), asking friends for advice, and even asking her for advice. as of the last year, it's had a grip on my life and has been quite a problem for me. i'm unable to do things i want or need to a lot, and especially struggle doing most things, even basic tasks. i'm unable to see a therapist/counsellor or psychologist/psychiatrist for personal/financial reasons.

a lot of my triggers (well, not exactly triggers for the ocd, but they stop me from doing things.) revolve around sound, especially people talking. whistling is a major trigger for my misophonia/apd, as are other high pitched noises.

my mother has a tendency to watch tv a lot, and i often ask her to not do this when i'm trying to do certain things, as it makes my ocd a bit worse, and it's often rather loud. (please note i wear headphones a lot of the time for sensory issues.)

however, when i ask her either to turn it down, pause it temporarily, or ask her to turn it off for a bit, she has a tendency to get mad/upset. to the point of throwing a bit of a fit over it, in a way that to me seems a bit attention seeking (in the bad way). she says things like "fine, whatever." and flaps her arms about dramatically or slaps her legs, or she says "i don't even wanna watch it now, it's ruined."

i'll go ahead and say she's a bit self-centered in a lot of ways. for years she has said i've "targeted" her and "treated her terribly" even though any time i was (to her) doing these things, i was usually defending myself or telling her to do something that she needed to do that had been requested for days/weeks/months/sometimes years. i also have a tendency to ask her what she's doing, either out of genuine curiosity, or because she has done something strange to me that i didn't understand. which she gets mad over.

she also gets mad if i ask if she's coming over here (i have a tendency to walk/pace in certain areas to music, it helps with stress/adhd/also helps me write/act things out. she is very aware of this and this isn't really a problem.) or ask how long she will be over here. she seems to think me asking this is telling her she can't come over, or desperately trying to get her to move. admittedly sometimes i DO want her to move, but 90% of the time i am just asking so i know if i need to move to a different area to walk or just stop temporarily.

sometimes when i am having a particular peak in my ocd/anxiety/whatever else, i ask her not to talk for a moment/few minutes, either so i can do something i need to, or because i'm afraid it will make it worse. she'll either get mad about this, or go on a tangent about "not catering to me" and saying things "the real world doesn't work like this, and nobody cares that you have ocd/issues." she has a tendency to take my issues as a personal attack on her, when in reality i would ask anyone to stop for a moment.

she has a tendency to belittle me in a sense for it. i've tried to explain some of it to her (without revealing details of my trauma she doesn't know about, as most of my ocd is linked to severe ptsd.) and she says it "doesn't make any sense" and i "need to stop" and i "need to just make myself stop." she has ocd, and knows compulsions are not always rational, and yet still says these things.

part of my desire not to go to a therapist is because of her. she claims they will either try to put me away take me to another home/put me in foster care, or drug me up on medication that will make me dull. (the other part is more personal, and unrelated to her, but to my aforementioned trauma.)

one of the things i especially ask her not to do is whistle, or make a few other certain noises (eating loud, using nail files around me, etc) because they are especially triggering to me. she'll either blatantly refuse and say i "don't get to tell her what to do" or i don't "control her" (please note i am just asking, but when i DO specifically tell her to stop, it is because she either already knows this sound is triggering to me, or i've already asked, and i'm losing my patience.) or she'll do it louder/more just to trigger me further (my father also does this. sometimes as a joke which in some ways is worse.) or she'll go on the "not catering + nobody cares" tangent again.

i know my ocd and other issues can be a bit interrupting, but i don't ask huge things of her or anyone else. all i ask is for them to not make certain sounds around me, temporarily ask them to not do something/stop doing something, or ask them to do it a bit quieter for me. please note she has the ability to watch tv/videos on other devices with headphones easily, she just chooses not to. and worse of all, they treat it like it's not interrupting to me, when it affects my everyday life in ways far worse than asking/telling them not to do something.

it makes me feel unwanted and unappreciated, and i'll admit, i've contemplated....not existing, if you will, many times over this issue and others.

i just don't really know if i'm asking too much, or if they're just being shitty. i want outside opinions on this.

so, AITA?

(id put a tl;dr in here, but i don't really know what to put. feel free to do it for me. also, i know this was kinda long, but i needed to put some extra things in, sorry if thats like an inconvenience or anything!)

(adding my sideblog here so i can get notifs, @ocdaitathrowaway)

What are these acronyms?

[zhuoyichenpretty]

ep 24 commentary (brain fried edition)

my head is a little empty after ep 24 tbh!! brain is not braining after all the zyc hurt no comfort (-:

some scattered thoughts here and there, painstakingly corralled like cats out of my vacuous brain and into a list (spoilers):

ZYZ is really emo this episode poor dude like he is having a hard time keeping it together it seems. Every other word out of his mouth is depressing as shit, which is saying a lot considering how depressing he usually is already (': I kind of wanted this episode to pick his brain more, give him room to emote in the aftermath of all that. But it almost feels like the character refuses to be alone, like he might spiral if he has too much time to get in his own head. I'm still so curious to know, though, what he thinks about the state of their promise in light of how far ZYC went trying to save him. “He has us,” ZYZ said to WX. When the time comes, I wonder how he'll reconcile that with what he’s asked of ZYC.

PSJ and Ying Lei bonding! shenanigans! I did laugh thank you guys. Also, not that the team didn't operate separately before, but I really get a sense of how much ZYC held things together with how apparent his absence is. It's obvs heartwarming seeing how hard everyone is working to save him (PSJ especially for me bc I love their mutual tacit trust and respect and all the ways they're alike and different), but ultimately it's still so angsty (':

Kind of love the couple instances where ZYC has been referred to as fragile/weak/of delicate constitution (depending on how you wanna translate it) like that's a very interesting quality to assign to basically the tank of your team. Even if the comments are made facetiously, it just reminds me of how often we witness his mortality, and of course how everything about the styling, aesthetics, and content of the flashbacks to his childhood reinforce a characterization of vulnerability at the very heart of him. I saw someone mention how the Cloud Light Sword responded to ZYC's tears and to that vulnerability rather than brute strength, and I totally agree. I love how this "fragile" characterization plays into the whole fate weapon deal. ZYC's strength is (imo) unconventional, and it is his sensitivity, his compassion, and his deep capacity to feel that the sword acknowledges, resonates with, and empowers. Almost like it protects his tender heart rather than making it something he needs to overcome to get stronger.

One thing I will never get over is how incredibly they styled TJR as baby!Yichen, adult ZYC, and Bingyi. What do you mean this is all from one drama and not three separate productions. Insane. I'm out of my mind with how gorgeous every change in costuming is.

A tangential note is I've seen people mention (paraphrasing very much here) ZYZ's demon form being nicely subtle in its eerie inhumanity and tbh I have a similar feeling even just about human adult ZYC imo. Especially when his hair is down and he's got that thick eyeliner on and we get a close up of his contacts, if you told me from the start that he's half-demon half-human or something I'd believe it. Along the same vein, baby!Yichen reads completely human to me, and Bingyi of course completely demon. Something something the Cloud Light Sword bridges the gap something. This point is unintelligible and not narratively based but I had to make it because I've been thinking "wow ZYC elven" for days now.

Saw a tag about yuanyi getting us through some dark times but man they are PUTTING me through some dark times rn help?/

Been trying to put off talking about the baby Yichen scenes because wow I cried immediately. Well, no, I was like "yay! I love seeing baby Yichen!" and then they crushed me into demon dust lol. And then WX had to tell that absolutely precious story about when she got sick and ZYZ had to go like "actually ZYC was probably lonely as fuck" and yeah that's fine I didn't need my heart anyway.

Ending on this point so I can put a pretty screencap here: There is so much gravity to just the short scene of Bingyi removing his mask and dropping to his knees with that anguished and fatigued expression. TJR's acting is the gift that keeps on giving (me angst).

so sorry if anything here didn't make sense, i currently have the same thousand-mile-stare as Bingyi the more i think about how this all might end and how long I'm gonna have to wait to find out.

[utilitycaster]

see i get what you're saying about ludinous/liliana but basically the whole fandom also loves the briarwoods and they're also bad people and killed kids etc. sometimes fucked up evilbad romances in fiction can just be fun. as a treat :)

Oh to be clear: don't care that they are bad people, in the sense of like, if someone's leaning into option 2 and are like hell yeah murder power couple (the way the fandom treats the briarwoods) I say more power to them!

My problem is that I'm really only seeing people who are talking about Ludinus and Liliana as a couple with a brainwashed Liliana and not considering the pretty obvious noncon implications here, which, again, we're adults but not my vibe (a big part of the appeal of the Briarwoods is that the only people they respect and love and grant autonomy to are each other and everyone else can die) but honestly I'd be weirdly more comfortable with people like "yes this is noncon yes I'm exploring that in a fictional space" than just avoiding that noncon is kind of an obvious part of this premise.

Similarly, if people were into the option two consensual ride-or-die supervillain narrative? totally fine. Hell, if it turns out Liliana's been doing a wounded gazelle gambit the whole time and she power word stuns Imogen for real? that would be FANTASTIC, actually, even though it's not what I'm expecting. If Liliana and Ludinus become a Briarwoods destroy the rest of the world so long as they have each other power couple? I will be SEATED. But it feels like people want the genuine affection of option 2 and the "Liliana is actually good and just led astray" of option 1 even though those are mutually exclusive scenarios.

So in short fucked up evilbad relationships can be fun! The fanon on this relationship as it currently stands is frankly not fucked up enough - it's trying to avoid both the "Ludinus is explicitly an abusive cult leader who is using a woman he brainwashed" possibility and the "Liliana is having a GREAT time and loves recruiting child soldiers for the cause" possibility, one of which must be true to make literally anything make sense, and is therefore something irritating, neutered, and incoherent rather than fucked and evil in a fun way.

[efangamez]

Yoooooo the GRIM expansion "The Palace of Eyes" has some actually NUTS lore. The work for the content is almost finished, but it needs to get fine tuned for publication while I include it in the handbook.

I'll be talking a bit about it here, so if you don't wanna possibly get ANY spoilers, you can dip now!!!

Okay so because I have pretty chronic pain in my fingers I'm going to be using text to speech or speech to text to share some of this information. So this will be my first time writing something that has like time travel and dimension travel shenanigans and the way that I was inspired by Metal Gear Solid to have these wild storylines all going on at once with some twists and turns but it's still kind of holds together through lower explanations is really really cool. I've honestly had a blast making every one of the story beats come together in one giant epic of a story to be honest with you.

There are actual pieces of lore in here that were crafted not only because they were cool but because they are thematic and have almost a cinematic and ideological feel to them. I think that the more that I build worlds and the more that I come to terms with who I am as a person the more fleshed out and well built stories can be created through my games. I kind of realized that when I made Neon Nights and some of my other games. I thought that if I just made a system that had a little bit of scaffolding I think that would be enough but to me I really do think that just like in a video game playing in a world where you are able to explore and uncover mysteries and be shocked by events I think it's really really cool and I like that. I think that's because one of my strengths and interests is in narrative and while I've gotten older I don't really have the patience too much anymore for prose, but I have fallen in love even more with World building and creating narratives with that World building if that makes sense.

I think that this expansion will not only be a really fun thing to explore within the GRIM multiverse but to also kind of look within yourself and to relate to some of these characters in their struggles and to kind of be invested in their stories and what's cool about tabletop games is that their stories are not fleshed out all the way. The scaffolding is there with strong connections to the world but the way that you the players will interact and the way that the watcher who is basically the standing for GM or DM in a game will be completely unique. I think that that's one of the powerful components of an RPG. And while GRIM may not have the most robust mechanics for role-playing in a system or using a system to roleplay rather you can still create Grand narratives by just being interpersonal with your players.

I don't know I just kind of wanted the info dump a little bit and not have my fingers hurt while I type so that's why I use speech to text. I'm really really excited working on this. I have over 34 pages of content in a document that hasn't even been designed yet. This thing is going to be a big lad probably over 100 pages at least. It's going to be kind of hard also to price this at $9.99 but I think that to me what matters most is getting this out there and kind of showing off my talents as well as giving people an awesome epic to play along with GRIM.

Anywho I hope you have a fantastic day today! Make sure you drink your water you eat your food and you take care of yourselves. Love ya!

[yuzuyoon]

https://x.com/dreamjeons/status/1821558472011329743

hi i wanted to ask if you would like to share your thoughts on jungkook advice on how jimin should sing who in ays. do you think that what he proposed was better than what jimin recorded?

the first jk said was that jimin needed to growl more. now we all clearly know jimin can growl and he likes to a lot in love performances (and especially at concerts). the only problem with growling in a studio setting is that it feels out of place. those growls are meant to be the cherry on top, very rare but incredible when done right and put in the right song. i don't think who needed growls (especially for the recorded version) but i can definitely see jimin adding some in for live performances. necessary here though? no

the thing about the final "more" is generally true for newer singers in a studio space. you want to be able to sing well before you can add in special effects and such. if jungkook were giving this advice to a rookie or a trainee, it would make sense. here though, for jimin its a more stylistic approach. that type of singing is usually stamped out of you at vocal lessons (which is why a lot of "amazing talented the best of the best everyone else sucks especially that one guy from bts!!" singers in kpop (you know who i'm talking about) all sound basically the same) so that you can sound nice and uniform. jimin flips his notes all the time. if its a really big flip, then yeah, it can sound bad. but the subtle one jimin did in that demo was completely fine and it actually sounded more natural for him to do that rather than singing it straight like jk did.

jimin's voice and those special embellishments he does with it is something that really adds a layer of uniqueness to his songs. its not just that he has a higher voice or a pretty tone. its the combination of his voice, his tone, his effects that make him sound so different in an industry of idols that literally sound indistinguishable. all the "best vocalists in kpop" had these habits trained out of them and it makes their voices boring. they add effects in a more spare and strategic way that makes them feel really calculate and business like, while jimin's effects seem more natural and attention catching.

in summary, does jimin need to growl more? no, especially not in studio recordings. should jimin have held the note straight? maybe from a singer standpoint, but from stylistic and producer standpoint, it works well and it especially works for jimin

besides, jk's "advice" was completely unasked for and honestly rude for him to give unsolicited advice to his senior. it really showed how arrogant he's gotten over the years and how he's achieved a big ego to be throwing out unwanted advice to jimin

[toyybox]

Spiderwebs #44: Garden

Masterlist

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

“How is the medication working?” she asked.

The medication made him a bit drowsy. But the spiders were gone, which was the entire point. "It's working."

She nodded.

Three days had passed. Things continued as usual. Oddly enough, Jackie was reminded of the first few weeks he lived here, when their relationship was confined to the limits of one experiment after the next, when he was confined to the basement. A lot of waiting. Waiting for what? That was the fun part—he didn’t know. Something has to change, he caught himself thinking, something has to happen, but that was ridiculous.

That was ungrateful. That was selfish. He didn't want for anything. He had all his basic needs accounted for. A shelf full of books and a window, a kitchen full of food, that was all fine. That wasn't the problem. He already knew what was wrong. Though he didn’t want to know. There was safety in ignorance, and all he thought about was safety, being safe from her.

He didn’t know what to do. He could not forget. He was restless, more than anything, waiting for this peace to end.

Heather was still standing there, waiting. “Jack…”

That was a tone of voice he rarely heard. Soft, lingering, half-request and half-initiation, strangely genuine. He did not want to talk. Not to Heather, not to anyone. He wanted to go to sleep. To stop thinking at all. But he needed to play his role perfectly, so he spoke.

“Yeah?“

“Is there anything else you want to tell me?”

He shook his head. What could he tell her? Why would it matter?

“Then—what is it? What else do you want?”

“Nothing…? Did I say something wrong?”

“No, the problem is that you aren’t saying anything. Tell me why you're upset.” Her tone had become rather blunt. “Tell me, specifically, why. I want to know.”

“Specifically? I don’t know. There’s a lot to be sad about in the world, I guess.”

“It doesn’t help anyone to dwell on it.”

“Right.” Didn’t save a single soul. “You’re right.” Didn’t save him, for sure. 

He didn’t make any effort to continue the conversation. His hope was that Heather would give up and leave, but she stuck around, like a splinter under his skin.

That’s not nice. She’s just trying to help.

Well, she wasn’t helping. So there. 

“Let me guess,” she said. “A wild guess. Tell me if I’m wrong.”

“Go ahead. Shoot.”

“You want to leave.”

Not this again. As if his answer would change anything. He exhaled. “And I thought we agreed to stop asking stupid questions? This is irrelevant.”

“Don’t tell me what I can or can’t ask. Just talk to me. I didn't come down here so you could avoid me all day.”

She snapped at him so often that the words had lost their effect. He stared at the sofa instead. The window threw its light behind them, so the fabric was caked in shadow, but he could still see a faint, pale stain. The stain of porridge. Pale white and sort of shiny. The crack of pain down his arm. Searing his flesh. That awful feeling. Helplessness. 

What had she done it for? Why? Hadn’t he endured enough? Isolation was a heavy enough price. Physical injury, tearing out his own heart, was a heavy enough price. Was it sadism, then? Cruelty for the sake of cruelty. She had merely wanted to see him suffer. 

Heather was waiting for an answer. Those eyes he would never forget, staring, forever watching. Even in his dreams. Even when she went far underground, became silage for the worms, she would live on in his memory.

“Fine, if you want me to talk, I’ll talk.” Although he would rather claw his own tongue out. “Maybe I'm just stressed for no reason, alright? It happens. You don't need to lose your head over it.”

For a moment she didn’t reply—didn’t know how to, maybe—but her words came soon enough, quiet and stilted. “That’s… that makes sense. I suppose you’re right. There’s nothing we can do.”

Everything was fine. He would not gain anything from arguing with her. He knew that. But knowing that didn’t make him feel any better.

Heather shifted a bit. “Do you want to…”

“What? Why are you still here? Just leave. I’m tired. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

Her expression was wounded, as he expected, and a sick sense of satisfaction unfurled in him. That he could cause harm, that he had some power here—it was a nice fantasy, as if he wasn’t just an insect under her heel. 

“Jackie.” Her voice managed to stay level. “Don’t take your anger out on me.”

“Why? Who else do I take it out on? Who else should I blame? Callaghan?” He laughed, softly. “Who do you think brought me here, Heather? I was happy before, you know. Happier than this, anyway.”

She hesitated. “That’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair, sweetheart.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“What?” He tilted his head to the side in mock concern. “Not sweetheart? Baby? Darling?”

She scowled, as he expected. Forget about waiting for the gun to go off—all chambers were loaded. He was handing her the bullets, at this point. “What’s wrong with you?” 

“A lot of things.” He wouldn’t gain anything from this, but God, it felt nice. “Heather, it looks like you’re upset. Is something the matter?”

“I’m being serious. Shut up.”

“Make me.”

The tension was thick enough to choke. She stared him down. 

“Go on,” he said softly. “Come here and make me shut up. What? What’s wrong? Are you scared? Do you think I can stop you?”

Her expression was indignant and simmering with disgust, a disgust aimed at him. “I’m going to bed.”

He watched her turn heel with a strange twinge of disappointment. But he didn’t say anything. 

Was he meant to apologize? He couldn’t change how he felt. Was that so wrong? To feel. To be lucid. To grieve and hate, to experience loss.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Taglist:

@theelvishcowgirl @lthrboy @whumpy-wyrms

@yassifiedinformation @creppersfunpalooza

@vidawhump @dont-look-me-in-the-eye

[gilsart]

I just KNOW that Frederick the Great is tweaking in his coffin right now with the victory of the rotten orange.

It's jover for all of us in politics 💀, we need a hero (historical political figure from Prussia who happens to be gay)

Oh no we do NOT need a comeback no thank you nuh huh not agreeing with this he better stay dead 🚩🚩🚩

All jokes aside!

I think we need to talk about this statement you made. I'm european, that means I'm not directly affected by Tr*mp's election, but I will be in the near future considering most politicians in my country love to lick fascist boots (not surprised, they're fascists themselves). This is a premise to say that we are collectively sinking deep in a pile of shit, but that I'm also used to fascist ideology comfortably sitting in Parliament chairs as I am used to anachronistic statements, so here's my two cents about what you just said.

I admit I have no idea if by "tweaking" you mean tweaking with joy or tweaking in horror, I've seen the verb being used in both contexts and English isn't my first language, but this doesn't matter. Whatever you meant, I wouldn't make a statement like this one to talk about the current situation, if I were you. Now, I know you were probably joking and that's fine, but I still feel like it is my responsibility to answer back to you with what I think about this, especially with what is happening right now: we need to stop thinking about historical figures with our 21st century mindset, ESPECIALLY when it comes to political matters like, for example, segregated and oppressed communities' basic human rights.

Especially when talking about queer historical figures such as Frederick, considering the time he was born, lived and died, he wouldn't even know what the word "gay" means. He wouldn't use the word "homosexual", he wouldn't know how to label himself, he wouldn't think like we do because we're talking about an 18th century rich white man. And he probably wouldn't align with any feminist ideology, as wouldn't most (if not every, but I'm not educated enough to speak on behalf of historical feminism) male figures from his time period. When thinking about it, being considerate enough towards oppressed communities as to, for example, not use certain slurs is a fairly new thing. The words used to describe a gay man back then would be considered extremely offensive right now – not to mention being a lesbian was equated with being mentally ill.

To mix historical figures and modern day society is anachronistic and aside from not leading us anywhere it can be extremely dangerous. What you said was innocent, I think, so I'm not accusing you of anything, and while anachronism can sometimes be funny (like, for example, a meme or a drawing) when dragged into modern society's ideology, it becomes a double-edged sword. Especially when it comes to Frederick. Idolizing him lead to some very bad stuff. N*zis glorified him as a hero and a great German leader prefiguring H*tler. Joseph G*ebbels commissioned artists to render fanciful images of Frederick, Bismarck, and H*itler together to create a sense of historical continuum amongst them and legitimise the Regime by doing so. To this day there are people who proudly call themselves "Prussian nationalists" which in the year of our lord 2024 is rather pathetic (wake up, Prussia doesn't exist anymore, guys) and deeply concerning. These people have reached out to me in the past and I ever so quickly blocked them.

When it comes to a drawing, something silly, something done lightheartedly, it is one thing. When people (not just me, people) draw modern AUs with historical figures just to have fun, with nothing problematic attached to it, that's just what it is: a drawing. But when it comes to politics let's remember that these people are dead, have been dead, and better stay dead and the fuck out of Parliament seats, politicians' mouths, and human rights movements because most of the time they wouldn't even know what the hell we're on about. And that is okay. They have done their time on Earth and we can study them, like them, make content revolving around them like I do along with many other people, but what we cannot do is use them to say they'd stand by us and agree with us because that takes us nowhere.

I'd like to end this by saying I'm not attacking you, and if you feel like I am or would like to talk about this further feel free to DM me. This is just a general message to everyone to not come to me with anachronistic takes, be they voluntary or involuntary, because I'm way too used to them not to start being really annoying.

[icejinlov3r]

Headcanons of my DB Boys

(Frieza, Frost, Cell, and Zamasu)

So, imma make this into one large post, since that's just gonna be easier for me. I'm also gonna split up the headcanons from SFW and NSFW in case people don't feel like reading anything dirty. In any case, here are my silly headcanons.

Frieza Headcanons

SFW:

Frieza is a wine lover (borderline alcoholic) tends to be his cope when dealing with just about any negative emotion.

Has trouble expressing his emotions with words. His actions speak louder.

Has a pretty short temper. Quite a few things annoy him, but things such as stupidity and arrogance infuriate him the most.

When not being an emperor, he often enjoys reading and studying, but can also enjoy playing advanced games, such as chess.

Thinks highly of his appearance - especially appreciates and admires his tail.

Has a high standard when it comes to food. When done right, he favorites tend to be any sort of seafood; crab, lobster, fish, things along those lines.

His only real insecurity is his height (most who make fun of his shortness end up dead lol)

Hates when his father - or anyone - refers to him as "princess"

Bears great shame for his initial defeat against Goku on Namek, though attempts to keep it hidden (and often fails). Also gained immense PTSD from the incident. Yay.

Has a naturally intimidating presence, but just about everyone knows that.

Always enjoys having his ego stroked, no matter what the situation

While not necessarily a light sleeper, his senses are so keen he often can notice even the slightest changes around him.

If there is a person who he actually cares about (which is very few) even he can't resist sparing his occassional moments of softness.

Closeness and intimacy frighten him on an emotional level - afraid to allow himself become "weak" and risk someone hurting him. Or worse, afraid of hurting them in turn. (He's an emperor, but he has feelings dammit!)

NSFW:

Frieza (and his entire race) are intersex/are hermaphrodites. Meaning they are single sexed, and also have both male and female genitalia, hidden within their cloaca.

He is bisexual, enjoying the company of both men and women, though he slight preference towards men.

Isn't necessarily picky about a person's appearance, so long as it's appealing.

Personality wise, it depends on the person - he can enjoy dominating over someone shy and nervous, but can also enjoy *being* dominated by someone strong and confident. Though any and all disrespect is a turn off.

He has no preference for roles; he's fine being top or bottom. Again, mostly depends on the person he's with.

While he may be a sadist outside the bedroom, he can be quite different in bed. He can be however rough or gentle his partner wants. He gets more satisfaction in getting reactions from whomever he's with.

Frieza is surprisingly affectionate. Enjoys kissing, sweet talk, gentle caresses, and etc.

Has a praise kink. Can't help murmuring words of praise and compliments to his partner and seeing their reaction.

Being addressed by his proper title is a huge turn on for him.

Never likes to skip to the main event. Thoroughly enjoys foreplay, giving and receiving.

Doesn't necessarily have the largest dick, but is average size for his race.

Frost Headcanons:

SFW:

Similar to Frieza, is a wine lover. Though doesn’t have nearly as big a problem as Frieza.

Often wants to avoid direct fights as often as possible, especially if he has no chance of winning

Can often be annoyed, but unlike Frieza, doesn’t lash out unless necessary.

Is and has always been a lonely person, especially after his cover as a hero was blown.

If he did have more free time, he’d rather enjoy lazy activities, such as watching TV, playing video games, and listening to music.

Is actually pretty skilled with electronics. Can usually hack many basic technology.

Is rather insecure about both his abilities and his looks, especially compared to Frieza.

Frost has a sweet tooth, and enjoys several desserts, parfaits being his favorite. Though he also likes pastas and some crab dishes, like Frieza.

Despite what people might think, he’s actually a very sensitive person. It’s easy for him to feel guilt or shame or sadness.

Has *serious* trust issues. Is extremely paranoid and fearful that everyone is out to hurt him somehow, especially after he becomes a fugitive. The world is a scary place to him.

His erasure at T.O.P was a traumatic experience for him.

Has lots of trouble sleeping, as he’s very prone to nightmares.

Keeps several hidden poison needles on his person; including wrists, heels, tail, and even the tip of his tongue.

Honest to Kami, this poor baby just needs a hug and a shoulder to cry on!!! 🥺🥺 (wow, I have really sad headcanons of Frosty boy)

NSFW:

Like Frieza, he is intersex/hermaphrodite.

He is bisexual, though with a heavy preference towards males (I use to headcanon him as gay, but that has changed)

Is almost certainly a virgin, though mainly out of fear of intimacy and vulnerability. Has immense trouble trusting anyone with his body (and his heart)

Has an extremely sensitive body, especially on his neck, his tail, and between the legs.

Is usually attracted to men with bigger builds and strong personalities - anyone who makes him feel weak. Or rather, feels safe enough to allow himself to be weak.

Has an extremely sensitive body, especially on neck, tail, and between the legs

Does NOT enjoy pain of any sort. Is quite terrified of it actually.

Frost is a submissive bottom. His biggest preference, but also because he’s often too shy to ever take charge.

Always prefers a slow, gentle build up towards the main event. A chance to relax and adapt. Though when sucked into the main event, will finally demand for something a bit more rough.

Is certainly not a quiet lover. Has rather loud vocal chords.

Also has a smaller than average dick, but it’s not his main concern.

Has a praise kink, but prefers being the receiver.

Enjoys being “dominated” over, but only with someone he truly trusts.

Perfect Cell Headcanons:

SFW:

Can and is an arrogant ass. No one is more perfect than himself.

Obviously thinks highly of his own looks and abilities. Truly loves himself.

Often enjoys teasing and mocking others whenever he feels like it (especially people like Vegeta or Frieza)

Similar to Frost, enjoys watching TV and playing video games. But he also enjoys more athletic activities.

Also has a short temper, and isn’t afraid to express it through his fists

Is the smart ass king. Full of snarky comments and sarcasm.

In spite of what people might think, he’s actually very observant. Very good at reading people for who they really are or what they’re really feeling.

Has amazing healing abilities due to Piccolo’s DNA

Is not picky with food. Like just about everything - except anything with bugs. He *refuses* to eat bugs of any sort!

Despite his high self esteem, he does feel a certain shame when being referred to as a “monster” or “freak”. Often turn out to be trigger words for his rage.

Claims he’s a lone wolf, but in truth can be quite lonely at times, even if he ends up pushing others away.

Is a heavy sleeper and a loud snorer. An explosion could happen outside his bedroom and he’d hardly be phased.

Never lies. Always tells the truth, sometimes even bluntly. This is cause he *despises* lies.

NSFW:

Only has male genitalia but keeps it concealed under the black sheath on his groin.

Cell is pansexual - is attracted to all races and genders alike. He’s into everyone and everything.

Tends to have a dirty mind, though never to the point of disgusting or depraved.

You know this guy has a porno collection and is proud of it

There is little Cell isn’t into; has a wide variety of kinks. Though one of his favorites tends to be biting.

While normally fine with either role, Cell prefers to top (and almost always does).

Isn’t afraid to flirt or talk dirty. It’s practically his first language at times.

Usually adapts to whatever preferences his lover wants, since he enjoys sex either way.

Similar to Frieza, isn’t necessarily picky about appearances, so long as it’s appealing.

Usually likes people who are “hard to get”, or aren’t easy - tsunderes really.

Theres no soft way of putting this - he has a big dick. That’s all I’m saying. Moving on.

Enjoys most attention on his face and dick, since the rest of his body is covered in bio-armor, and thus has no real nerves to feel pleasure.

Straight up, is an *amazing* kisser.

Zamasu Headcanons:

SFW:

Has little patience for people in general, though especially regarding mortals.

While he’s a skilled fighter, doesn’t really like fighting. Finds it to be primitive and barbaric.

Puts himself on a higher pedestal than all mortals, and even some immortals.

During his free time, he’ll often enjoy the peace and quiet with his reading, practicing calligraphy, cooking, and meditation. Anything to ease his thoughts.

Claims he hates mortals, but really he’s just frustrated he doesn’t understand them and their illogical decisions.

Absolutely hates loud noises. Something about them just brings him immense anxiety. He attempts to keep hidden earplugs on his person.

Often asks the big questions in life, searching for his true purpose in the universe.

Enjoys foods that don’t necessarily have a strong flavor. Simplicity is appealing to his taste buds. Like a nice cup of tea.

Is very good at holding his composure - but only for so long.

Is a light sleeper. Tends to make him rather grumpy.

NSFW:

Possesses “typical” male genitalia (I heard somewhere that apparently Kai don’t have anything down there - my headcanon doesn’t agree)

One would assume he’s possible ace, both in means of attraction and romance. But Zamasu is actually gay - he’s just very very closeted. (Not about being gay, but about being attracted to anyone in general)

His standards for a partner are high. In fact he firmly believes there’s no one who could both appeal to him and understand him. BUT! Should they happen to do so, he tends to enjoy bigger builds on men. As for personality….all he really wants is someone he can understand, and in turn understand him.

While he does feel arousal and love, he can’t help feeling ashamed at doing so, thinking he should above such primitive feelings.

Is incredibly shy in bed, both with exposing his body and committing to the act.

When eventually relaxed enough to have sex, he does enjoy and appreciate foreplay, but only certain kinds.

Has the most sensitive ears. Enjoys having them touched, kissed, and bitten.

Is almost always a bottom role, often as a preference and because he lacks experience.

Just like Frost, is probably a virgin - in fact even more likely to be one.

Keeps quiet for most of the time, at least unless he’s close or is during the main event.

Like Frost, doesn’t enjoy pain in the slightest.

Okay, I think that’s everything (literally took me a few hours to complete this, but it was worth it). Now keep in mind, these are just MY headcanons. They are not fact, and you do not have to agree with them. I just wanted to write my interpretation of my favorite DB boys.

What do guys think? Tell me yours thoughts if you’d like! In any case, hope you enjoy!

[copperbadge]

Okay but can the royal family be called to serve jury duty?

We were talking about this in comments briefly! I've been thinking about it since.

I think the discussion is predicated on the idea that Askazer-Shivadlakia even has trial by jury. France apparently only has jury trial for felony level crimes, while Italy doesn't use juries at all (they have a council of judges). Askazer-Shivadlakia has a number of cultures tugging on it, but given they speak English due to an occupation, probably they have a jury trial format of some kind. Perhaps with only five or nine jurors (Italian Judges Style) instead of twelve. In any case, let's assume they do.

Alanna and Jerry aren't elected or immediate family, they have paid staff positions -- although this made me think that Michaelis and Miranda offered Alanna the title of "princess" as a teen, because of her close relationship to them and lack of parents, although she probably didn't really need it, given her grandparents. Anyway, let's also put Jes in this category of "not royal", because they hold no official title or staff position but have a clear association. Michaelis and Noah are Royals but Michaelis is retired and Noah is appointed, so they have similar status to staff. Eddie, too, is "royal but not elected" and his main function is paid staff much like Al and Jerry. So really it's just Gregory who might legally be exempt. In the US, at least, elected officials at the federal level are. So let's presume that getting elected to king exempts you from jury service until you leave office.

Michaelis, Eddie, and Noah (once he turns eighteen) could be summoned to appear, but would immediately be disqualified from criminal cases because they're affiliated with the Crown and could be argued to have an unconscious bias. What we were discussing in comments was in part my thought that Michaelis, who became king (and thus disqualified) very young and ruled most of his life, would be rather excited for a novel civil service experience, and disappointed when he was dismissed.

I think pretty much any of the royal family except Gregory would be qualified to serve, and allowed to in a civil case (Jerry, Alanna, and Jes would also be fine in a criminal case). Jerry and Al are famous-ish as the local nobility, Jes is a famous journalist, and Michaelis, Noah, and Eddie are royals, but I did a bit of research and I guess celebrities aren't given any kind of special exemption usually. And it's canonical that the Shivadh find celebrities amusing at best, so I doubt their presence on a jury would even be particularly disruptive. So yeah, I could see the royal family serving jury duty.

But my brain is a bit sidelong, so while it would be entertaining to write that story, I was thinking more about...hearings, court protocols, the hierarchical structure of the courtroom, and the weird way in which everyone in a court is pushed into a very specific role. I'll probably write more about that in a general sense later, but where it took me was the idea that Gregory, as a king who has a parliament he has to obey but also certain specific unilateral power, might hold something like a quarterly "King's Boon" session ala the Big Block Of Cheese Day from the West Wing.

Some period of time, every few months, he basically holds open office and meets with people who are struggling to get heard in other ways -- people who want to suggest new laws, or want state funding for something, or need help untangling some bureaucratic issue. One person might have an idea for a law but not the legal training to write it up; Gregory might put them in touch with Palace legal, who can help them draft it for presentation to Parliament. Someone else might be having trouble with some kind of bank issue, Gregory can call up the bank and be like "Hey I'm the king and I'm here with one of your clients, let's get this solved before I audit you." When the recording studio collapses at the start of Infinite Jes and Michaelis says "I'm going to have a word with the government about building inspections", if he wasn't the former king he might take that kind of issue to the King's Boon. Two ordinary people who are arguing about some issue but don't want to take it to the courts might ask Gregory to decide the matter for them. Could be who owns the tree in their mutual front yard, could be some kind of philosophical argument they've got a bet about and they're willing to let Gregory rule on it (this is also very Talmudic, the idea of finding a Sage to figure your shit out for you).

And the nice thing is, much like in the West Wing, this is something Royals and palace staff would participate in -- so when Michaelis was king, he and Miranda would both participate (as would Eitan, as Well Connected Nobility); eventually Gregory as prince and then crown prince would participate as part of his training. It's basically "you, too, have a friend in high places" week in the Palace.

So you've got, say, King's Boon Week, where you get a number, show up on your appointed day, and hang out in the ballroom, which has been converted to a waiting room with nice chairs and snacks (presumably people who can't make it in person can get a Zoom call set up). You wait to be called, and you might meet with Gregory, but you also might meet with Eddie, Michaelis, Alanna, or Jerry. Noah would also participate but for a few years he'd be sitting in with Michaelis as training. Eddie would sit in with Gregory for a year or so after officially becoming King Consort, until he had a more thorough grasp of things. I have a feeling Jes would spend the time circulating and interviewing people for a quarterly podcast. :D

That just seems like a cool thing that is possible to achieve given the size and informality of the country, and would make I think potentially a more interesting story.

I mean. Just imagine. You're having trouble getting the permits all in order for the nightclub you want to open, and you're hoping to get Lady Alanna because you know she's got every bureaucratic "in" it's possible to have. But you groan a bit because you draw Duke Gerald, who...sure he's nice, but you've heard he's a daft scatterbrain. But then you meet with him and he goes through your business plan and is like "This is really solid. Let me make a call," and while you're gaping at him he calls a friend in Legal, gets your paperwork in order, phones a guy he knows who has a vacant building that you can lease on the cheap for the first year or two, and then looks you dead in the eye and says, "Do you need investors? I'd take a thirty percent stake in this," and you wander back into the waiting room, dazed, to inform your business partner that you've struck a deal for each of you to sell 15% of the nightclub to His Grace the Duke of Shivadlakia.

Now THAT'S a fun story. :D

(Eddie is like "Just herd anyone who wants to open a restaurant into my office," and the quality of the food in Fons-Askaz, already pretty good, shoots up a notch that year.)

[back-on-my-autistic-bullshit]

Full Moon Stolitz thoughts

Alright I'm getting on this shit because I am obsessed with Stolitz unironically. Before I start this I want to be absolutely clear that (in my opinion) there is no "right" side in the overall situation between Blitz and Stolas. Both equally have problems that contribute to their miscommunication and I can sympathise with both of them. If you disagree, feel free to ignore this post and scroll on, I don't mind friendly debate with people I know well but strangers on the internet are a different story.

I do generally project heavily onto Blitz which yeah probably impacts my interpretation of this a lot but I'm just a guy on tumblr I'm not here to be 100% right I'm just posing my take on their behaviours etc etc

Mandatory Disclaimer: spoilers start below! Do not click read more if you care about spoilers for The Full Moon episode of Helluva Boss

That all said, I'm splitting this into three parts:

Blitz's behaviour throughout the episode

Stolas' behaviour throughout the episode

Blitz and Stolas' confrontation/argument/interaction at the end of the episode

Part One: Blitz's behaviour

Starting off with "When I See Him", the basics of it (that is played up a bit for comedy and more or less directly stated really at the start) is that Blitz is obviously covering up how he really feels by concentrating entirely on the sex he anticipates having, and acting like that is what is important to him.

Are we okay? Can't really say I'm getting by By avoiding his questions It's so complicated, I hate when it's complicated Why do I always end up in situations that are complicated?

Blitz knows there is something wrong, or off, between the two of them but he'd rather not talk or communicate about it - literally preferring to avoid the topic entirely because "complicated" = bad, and he has no idea how to fix that, despite the fact that most of his relationships have been and/or are still complicated, he doesn't know how to deal with that because he never learnt. He's started to with Fizz a bit at the very least, but he's definitely not in a place to do that with romantic relationships yet - but I digress.

Here I go again, getting in my head So I'll focus on the sexy stuff instead

Not too much to say about this part other than he is actively choosing to disregard his anxieties and worries about him and Stolas by putting on this mask of caring about the sex and nothing else. Honestly, not a surprise with Blitz, this is pretty average behaviour and is very much likely a common coping mechanism of his to avoid serious feelings when engaging in relationships of a romantic nature. Especially since he seems to place a lot of value in himself in how good he is in bed.

When I see him, I'm gonna do that thing he likes No need to change things, I'll just bring the ropes and spikes[/spice*] We've got a nice arrangement And it's working out just fine We'll keep it light

Can't wait to lose ourselves in nasty sex And make that bird squawk We'll just stick with what makes sense

Same as above, he's going to what's familiar and directly deciding he'd rather ignore any issues they have and not talk about them in favour of doing what they normally do on full moons and call it a night.

*my audio processing disorder really did not like that line, and I cannot completely tell if that's right - any mistakes in lyrics or other quotes from the show before or after this are almost definitely because of this so please feel free to correct me.

Moving on from the song, some things Blitz does or says during the conversation with Moxxie and Loona in the office that stick out to me.

It's the full moon, I gotta meet up with Stolas tonight. Felt like dressing up a little since it's been a few months since I've been inside his feathered ass.

This is personally really interesting to me since he's not been known to dress up explicitly to see Stolas before (excluding the posts that have been seen on the instagram accounts but I'm hesitant to count those as 100% hard canon, and they were outfits of a different variety - not a bowtie and suspenders as he's seen wearing in the episode). It's like he's trying very hard to impress him for.. some reason? I'm guessing he sees it as part of his whole plan to really sort of wow Stolas, get in there, get out, no touchy feely stuff. It comes off as the opposite to me though, it shows that he kind of values what Stolas think of him and his appearance - and that he wants to impress Stolas. This could just be him trying to prove his worth to Stolas so he doesn't get cast aside, but it could also be more.

This facial expression is very important to me. It's a split second frame of vulnerability in response to Loona saying the following:

Oh shit, he's getting bored of you.

This is genuine worry and concern on his face, he tried to cover it up with a smile but he is concerned. And yes, it could just be about losing the book, it probably is in part but I think it's more than that.

Loona also says this:

Yeah, man. If someone wants to see you less and less, big red flag. If they give you chances to ditch, they probably want out themselves. Just wanna be more passive aggressive about it, dicks.

When she says this Blitz reacts very on the defensive, repeating what she said mockingly and saying this:

How do you know, Loona?

It's a very defensive reaction and I'd bet he feels at least a little bit bruised and hurt at the thought of Stolas getting "bored" of him - which probably does not help at all with how he's struggling with how he currently feels about Stolas between the agreement for the book and not seeing him in a while.

Immediately after this interaction, he literally leaves his job (which like, yeah, he is own his boss I Guess he can do that whenever he wants but I can't imagine he does it a lot, I Hope, unless he thinks it's important) and goes shopping for more things to impress Stolas. It's a lot of effort to put into someone you don't really super care about, all things considered but let's just go with the devil's advocate here that it's not to lose the book and it doesn't really mean anything. Although I do find his choice to look at candles first interesting, assuming it's not for something else (resident sex repulsed asexual is struggling with thinking about that kind of thing - despite watching helluva boss lmao), Stolas seems to like candles. If I remember correctly, he has some near his bath.

An interesting detail for Blitz to know/remember/take into account, for someone he allegedly does not care about. Anddd that's it for Blitz's scenes in this episode.

Part 2: Stolas' Behaviour

Like with Blitz, I'm gonna focus on how Stolas acts in "When I See Him" first, then move on to what we see of him alone in the rest of the episode (which there's very little of, I think, unfortunately).

The summary of what I think of Stolas in this song is he clearly has a somewhat fairytale view of his relationship with Blitz still (which is only emphasised by how the song is disney princess like in nature), thankfully he knows he has to let him be separate from the terms of their agreement and has found a way for this to occur without horribly impacting Blitz's business. However, he (at least, at first) seems to think after this happens everything will go fine and be perfectly okay and happily ever after, or more likely hopes that is how the situation will end up - but we see more of his worries later on so he's evidently not completely deluding himself.

My derring-do is half disguised Behind a smile

I don't have a lot to say about this just that it shows Stolas is obviously aware that Blitz is performing at least a little when he's with him.

I swore I wouldn't dwell on the divorce

This line just interests me more than anything, it's understandable that he doesn't want to think about the divorce. God knows I wouldn't want to, but's it intriguing to see he's attempting to distance himself from it - I hope we see more about this in the future episodes, maybe.

So for my own health I'll remind myself That when I see him I know that it won't feel so tough I'll believe him And not the voice that says I'm not enough No need for an arrangement It can just be him and me I'll see us free How perfect it could be When I see him tonight

This bit is very sweet honestly, Stolas clearly yearns to be closer to Blitz - and he's trying his best to facilitate that. He just wants genuine connection and love, something he couldn't experience in his marriage with Stella. Stolas is obviously nervous and has some self worth issues to say the least, but he deals with them differently to Blitz. In fact, he finds that being with Blitz helps combat these (likely because he feels loved and/or wanted by someone).

Unrelated to dissecting the episode and the like, the voice acting for this part was incredible and I love the way Stolas' VA (his name has slipped my mind atm) conveys emotion in his voice - even while singing. He sounds very hopeful, yet the cracks and wobbles suggest how nervous he feels for the interaction with Blitz, even if he's currently acting as if he thinks it will end well.

Oh god I'll fucking die alone if this goes bad tonight

This bit really just kind of shows how nervous he does feel about talking with Blitz about giving him the crystal. And that he is scared it'll go wrong, it's nothing too crazy.

The detail of him having none of the medication he takes left is interesting to me though, just that he's still taking it, I guess - could suggest he's still struggling with anxiety etc etc.

Am I doing something I can't take back? Would he want me if he was free? And if he's only here as a prisoner What kind of a monster does that make me

Stolas is clearly feeling a lot of guilt for his past treatment of Blitz, and fear that his feelings aren't reciprocated - but it seems like he's more scared that he's been taking advantage of Blitz, than the thought that Blitz doesn't like him.

My entire life's been written in stone He taught me that I could choose

Blitz is the first person he really chose to meet or associate with, as a child and as an adult. There was no obligation to know him or socialise with him, or to be his friend (or more). In fact, it was discouraged if anything but Stolas chose to do it anyway - and it helped him realise he could do what he wanted, and gain the confidence to do so.

Part 3: Blitz and Stolas' confrontation

Stolas' body language here kills me, he's so nervous for what he's about to do, and despite his hopeful song early he's eerily somber - as if he knows this will end badly.

Blitz looks so afraid here, he's gone through all of this effort to try to impress Stolas and keep him from getting "bored" of him. Part of this is probably because he doesn't want to lose the connection he and Stolas have but honestly it's largely probably the fear of losing the book and his business that he's worked so hard for. Blitz is an incredibly ambitious person, and he's put a lot of blood, sweat and tears (mostly blood) into I.M.P and to have it taken away because of someone else due to not being good enough for them is probably one of his worst fears.

Blitz's immediate switch to trying to seduce Stolas is slightly jarring, but not all that surprising considering how this whole thing started. Blitz is desperate, trying anything to prove to Stolas he's worth keeping around. Meanwhile Stolas looks resigned, as if realising it really was just a performance for Blitz the entire time.

Stolas, please, I- I need this book. Please, I need this book, Stolas. I will do anything.

The immediate switch to begging, mixed with tears, took me off guard honestly. I didn't expect to see him do that but it makes sense considering how badly he treasures I.M.P and he really is just at the whim of Stolas and it could all collapse at any given moment.

I don't understand, why are you giving me this? Am I not like, fucking you good enough? Because I can- I can always do better.

This being Blitz's immediate reaction to getting the crystal from Stolas is upsetting. I was on the verge of tears here, he can't even comprehend that Stolas might genuinely want to give him a gift, not because Blitz isn't good enough, but because Stolas wants him to be independent. Blitz has never viewed himself as "good enough" for people and he puts on a lot of performances to convince himself he's worthy of being associated with others. This probably feels like, to him, a convoluted way of "getting rid" of him, instead of giving him freedom so he and Stolas can interact with less of a power imbalance.

This in an interesting roleplay, never done this one but I can get into it. How's this? Oh, Stolas, I'll stay with you, I love you soo much.

Blitz's immediate response to Stolas' confession being one of disbelief leading him into thinking it's some sort of roleplay or pretense because he can't possibly believe that anyone would actually love him is honestly worse case scenario and probably where all of this starts going downhill.

I have my answer, Blitz. You needn't say anything. I have wanted you, for so long. The fact that you couldn't believe that I might have these feelings about you, that your first instinct is that it's always about... sex. That's enough to know what this is.

This right here, is terrible. Miserable, even. Communication is starting to break down, Stolas doesn't realise or understand Blitz's point of view and I certainly cannot blame him for getting upset but how these two are communicating yet somehow falling victim to miscommunication at the same time is impressive at this point. They're both getting emotional, and it's fucking everything up but to be fair no one can remain 100% logical, this is nerve wracking and stressful for them both.

What? Fuck you, Stolas. You spring this feelings bullshit on me, are you fucking kidding? Can I get a fucking minute to think after everything you've put me through, you pompous rich asshole? Treat me like one of your little butler imps, you can't just dismiss me like that! I mean, you royal fucks think you can do this every time, like you can just play with our feelings because we're smaller and not as important! Well, I'm not letting you, bitch! Let's go!

This, this is incredibly cathartic in a weird way. It's not good by any means but for Blitz these bitter feelings have probably been somewhat simmering beneath the surface for a while and he hasn't been able to express them because of the nature of his and Stolas' relationship. The way he's phrasing this makes me wonder if he has previous experience with a royal demon doing this to him outside of now, and Stolas' father hiring him to be Stolas' friend when he was a child. It wouldn't be too unreasonable but putting that aside for a moment. The anger and lashing out here is probably a defense mechanism on his part, every time something has got vulnerable or upsetting in the past in this show Blitz always seems to get angry (an example that comes to mind at the minute is when Cash was celebrating Fizz's birthday - at the time he didn't say anything to Fizz but he stormed off, angry. Another one could be probably a few of his interactions with Verosika. I'd have to rewatch the show to find something more particular). The point is Blitz lashes out instead of being open and vulnerable, he doesn't mean or genuinely think any of this - and immediately regrets it as soon as he says it. But it's too late, it's been said.

Stolas flinches or pauses when walking a handful of times during this rant from Blitz, each time whenever he has an insult. Before he has even said anything it's immensely clear Stolas is very hurt by this.

Blitz. I think so very highly of you, I didn't realise you think so low of me.

This is the regret I was talking about, it's probably helped along by Stolas admitting he thinks highly of Blitz but god - he is crushed. And he immediately tries to apologise but Stolas teleports him out of there before he can even process it, leaving us on a terrible cliffhanger.

God, it's a fucking mess. They're a mess I'm so scared for the next episode and how they are even going to fix this. Someone get these gay demons a therapist, please, I beg.

All in all, ow my feelings, this episode hurt, I did cry. Stolitz have mastered the art of miscommunication, but that is hardly news. Blitz seems to have got a genuine wake-up call, sort of similar to how he did with Fizz and I'm hoping that kickstarts something to help him improve, because he does need to. At the same time, Stolas has kinda fucked up here, and does need to give Blitz more time to process since I imagine this is very fucking shocking to him. It's all one biggggg mess and god knows how it'll work out but I'm looking forward to finding out and hopefully not having my heart ripped out and spat on by the end of this season.

[yanxidarlings]

YANDERE ZACHARIAS SMITH HEADCANONS

okay so i'm supposed to be writing theo headcanons but I haven't got inspiration for him rn so here's my current hp fixation.

once again a special shout out to chat gpt for being there for me when fanfiction writers weren't. but honestly most of my headcanons for him are my own perceptions of him so yay for originality.

as i was saying in my last post "this dude cares only for his chosen darling and literally no one else" when i tell you he's a devoted yandere- his darling could ask him to commit the most horrid atrocities, they could be the most selfish unlikable person in hogwarts (only second to him, of course) and he'd still worship the ground they walk on. once he's become obsessed, there's no going back.

zacharias's infatuation with his darling develops so quickly, whether he meets his darling at hogwarts or if he's known them since childhood; there's just something about them when he meets them. it lingers in the back of his mind, what are they doing, who are they talking to, what are they thinking about are they thinking about him. after some self reflection, he comes to a conclusion; they've given him a love potion.

it makes so much sense! his darling is too shy to tell him they want his attention, and so resorted to underhanded methods. it's fine, zach isn't not mad. once he comes to this realisation, he'll begin to insert himself into their life; but obsession or not, he isn't exactly great company, so his presence will be more of an annoyance to his darling than anything.

even if his darling expresses their discomfort or explicitly rejects him, zacharias refuses to accept it. he's convinced that they secretly love him and continues to pursue them relentlessly.

zacharias just always seems to say the wrong things. always seems to pry and cross boundries. but no matter what his darling says, he thinks they're just playing hard to get; a part of him knows they aren't, but he doesn't care about their comfort that much. sure he wants them to be happy but he'd rather they suffer with him than be happy without him.

as a yandere, zach wants to know his darling inside and out, the idea that they aren't sharing their every thought with him drives him insane. he pry's until they detail every moment of their life before meeting him and when he isn't around. as if he leaves them alone after becoming obsessed.

there is no boundry zacharias won't cross, his darling has no privacy whatsoever - but on the bright side, he doesn't force his darling to follow him to the bathroom or skip their classes they don't have with him, he'll put his basic needs on hold if it means staying attached to his darling at the hip.

seriously. if zacharias's darling decides they want to stay awake for 2 days straight, then as exhausted as he is, he's staying up with them. he'll vocalise his discontent, but refuses to sleep if his darling isn't.

he often daydreams about a future where he and the person are together forever, ignoring any signs of their discomfort or fear. these fantasies become increasingly ✨ disturbing ✨ and detached from reality.

ironic as it is, zacharias is a coward when it comes down to it. he won't hurt his rivals; he'll convince his darling to. he relies on the mental instability of his darling to isolate them from their loved ones.

zacharias is overwhelmingly possessive, doesn't matter if his obsession is romantic or platonic, he just can't stand it knowing his darling is close to other people. so he'll sabotage every relationship they have; he'll convince them he's the only one they can trust, the only one truly loyal to them, the only one that understands them.

his yandere tendencies are on display for the whole world to see, which is why, despite being pretty goddamn crazy, he's no where near as threatening as draco or even anthony because everyone knows how obsessed he is with them.

[alexanderwales]

Book Review: Time to Orbit: Unknown

My habit of putting colons in my review titles bites me for the first but probably not last time.

Spoilers for the whole thing follow, and I think you should take that seriously, because this is largely a mystery. I'm going to assume that you read it.

Time to Orbit: Unknown is a scifi web serial by Derin Edala. The meme pitch is that this is a Very Normal Spaceship where Nothing Goes Wrong. The more conventional pitch is that our protagonist Aspen Greaves wakes up from chronostasis on a damaged colony ship with no crew in sight and has to figure things out from there.

I read TTOU basically straight through, binging rather than getting weekly installments, and some of this review will probably reflect that. Pacing is a difficult thing to start with, but it's way more difficult when you're trying to pace for two different audiences who are receiving the text in very different ways. As a binge reader, I thought the pacing was mostly fine, though did suffer a little from being formatted for serial chapters, particularly the implied cliffhanger ending to most chapters e.g. "I could only hope that everything would be fine ...". There's also a little bit of reiteration, where characters are going over what the open questions and issues are, which felt to me like it was in service of the weekly reader. As a binge reader, it was often just going over things I had read half an hour ago.

TTOU starts as a mystery. Why was Aspen woken up with no one to help them with chronostasis? Why is there no crew? Why have they been chosen to become captain in spite of their nearly complete lack of qualifications? Why are the crew dead? Where are the dead bodies?

As a mystery, the starts off really well, with a nice sequence of reveals and further questions. Aspen talks to the ship's AI, goes on some adventures around the ship, gets answers and more questions, and we gradually learn just how many weird problems this ship has.

Eventually though, the story starts running into a problem, which is that too many pressing problems get solved, and the ticking clock stops ticking. This isn't great for the pacing, and the sense of momentum temporarily leaves the story, especially because these big questions have been what's propelling it forward. As soon as it feels like we're not unraveling those, my interest started to wane. This was particularly true when characters would say "well, that's actually not a problem right now, guess we'll figure it out later".

Aspen doesn't stay alone for terribly long, and soon starts reviving other people from chronostasis, which is where we get the rest of our cast of characters from. I enjoyed these additions, though this is also the part where the serial gets very talky. There are, of course, some mysteries associated with the new crew, and I think here is where I need to talk about how TTOU handles mysteries.

To my mind, mysteries are at their best when there's a singular moment when everything snaps into focus. I like epiphanies, not necessarily from the characters, but from myself. The pieces have been presented to me, and in theory I could have solved it early on my own, but instead I get to solve it concurrently with the final piece being pushed into place. A good mystery author dangles the mystery in front of you, feeds you pieces, and then gets you to share the epiphany or at least feel smart when the protagonist rips off the villain's mask or whatever.

TTOU sometimes does this in exactly that way. There were a handful of times when I thought to myself "ah ha!" right at exactly the correct moment, which is just prior to the reveal after I had been led there by the nose.

There are other times when the reveal doesn't feel like things are snapping into place, it comes with caveats and bumps and occasionally, an admission that this was not actually a mystery at all. I might be projecting here, but writing a web serial is hard, and sometimes I would get a whiff of either course correction or bailing out. I'm tempted to go through everything I would label a "mystery" and then go through resolutions one by one, but I think that would require a partial reread of the story, would possibly not be illuminating, and might just be a matter of my own personal preferences and experience of reading. I'll give two examples though:

There's an enduring mystery of what killed off the crew of that gets locked at the front of the ship. This is one of the first mysteries in the book, and it doesn't get its resolution until very far in: they got pneumonia and don't have the medicine to treat it. While their deaths do feel like they're treated as a mystery, the reveal is not treated as much of a reveal, in spite of how longstanding the mystery was. It makes sense, but nags at me, like there was a mystery there that turned out to be a red herring. (This is probably a matter of signaling, though I'm not entirely sure.)

The captain went through and killed a bunch of sleeping colonists with an ax. His initial motivation for doing this is explained as just psychosis, and later, explained as him fighting the AI, which has been taking over the brains of colonists for use in compute. We get some additional context that his husband has been secretly put on the ship, and if the AI continued, it was going to kill him (or possibly, he was already dead). This ... still kind of doesn't work for me, as it sort of makes sense, but it doesn't feel like my understanding snapped into place. It's like someone told me the answer to the riddle and I said "eh, I guess" rather than "ah, right, that was it all along". Partly the captain is crazed, acting on emotion more than with a plan. It makes the resolution of his motivations hit a lot less hard. (I think this is at least partly an issue of how the resolution is delivered, or how it all unfolds. Maybe I would have wanted to get in the captain's head more. There are decent beats in that plot, but as a mystery it felt a little meh.)

The titular unknown time to orbit is caused by an engine problem, and this felt like a mystery, until quite late in the story someone said "oh yeah, I looked at the engine and I guess it just failed or something". It looked like a mystery, and felt like it was treated as a mystery, but it turned out to just be nothing, which made all the fuss made about it retroactively feel pointless. (Technically this is tied into future issues, but it's still essentially just an accident that no one actually intended, and felt really arbitrary and pointless to me, especially given it's one of the first mysteries we learn of.)

Overall, the various mysteries are hit and miss for me, and became more miss than hit toward the middle of the book (or what feels like the middle of the book, I'm not going to go through and get word counts).

The problems start with the revival of new crew members, particularly Captain Sands, who becomes captain due to his ranking within the AI systems. He immediately becomes a soft antagonist, and Aspen immediately takes a back seat in terms of agency. More people get revived, and they have their own stories, and then there's a hard pivot into a murder mystery, and ... this is where I sat and thought for a bit about whether I wanted to continue reading.

I think there was some good character work in the murder mystery arc, but it felt like there were too many characters, and I cared about too few of them, and our protagonist wasn't doing all that much proactive about anything. I didn't care about the victims, and the only reason I found the question of their murder compelling was the idea that this tied into some larger plot, that it would reveal some of the outstanding questions about the ship.

The resolution to what I'll call that middle chunk of the book seemed to me to be a soft reset, and I found it very welcome. The "new crew" were all dead, some old plots got somewhat messy wrapups, and we were very clearly off to new horizons. I don't have any idea if that's how it was written, but it came off as "alright, let's go back to what works".

And the good news for me was that there were more mysteries, this time as the crew reached the planet they'd been aimed at. From then on, I liked basically everything again. There's a big ask that happens in the middle, and conventional wisdom is that your scifi is Like Earth Unless Noted and that you should put your notes at the start ... but I was interested enough that I didn't mind it in this particular case.

The new planet is already settled, you see, and the how and why of that is fun to explore, as well as sort of making sense of a few earlier things that were pointed out. And the settlers have their own weird societies with their own mores and quirks, and there are culture clashes, and mysteries, and ...

For the most part, I found the sociology stuff more interesting than the mysteries. I wanted to know how these weird new people worked, how they organized their settlement, what their tax policy was like, how they made their houses and what they did in their leisure time. Thankfully, the book seemed as interested in this as I was, and while there are places that I think some readers might have found it to be "slow", I really did enjoy all the time and effort spent on describing these people and how they operated given their circumstances.

I don't know how well this all works in terms of resolutions. At least some of the outside threat is treated almost like a joke, and while there was some tension, it wasn't the sort of tension/release dynamic that I like in my stories, just tension followed by things going right in spite of that tension, with not much feeling of climax. I didn't particularly mind that though. And in the end the ship gets retrofitted, and Aspen becomes the new AI, and it all felt to me like it fit, even if there's quite a bit of fridge logic about why they couldn't just stay on the planet, and what a slow death as a generation ship might look like.

So all in all, I think I enjoyed the story, if less than I hoped I would. The beginning was a banger, made retroactively a little weaker by some of the resolutions to the mysteries. The middle was a slump, but after the soft reset, I was much more enamored with the story, and glad that I didn't actually put it down. I liked it better when it wasn't trying to be a mystery, when it was about the characters and the engineering, the vibes and an interesting future.

(It probably suffers a little bit from me comparing it to the last "woke up on a spaceship with dead people and no idea what's going on" book I read, Project Hail Mary, which was not written under the constraints of webfic.)