#borderline psychotic ranting

[crazy56u]

It's late, I'm bored, I wanna ramble about a thing.

So, a while back, I did that thing again where I had an art commission made (shoutout @thenovika); it never got shared on here, but it was shared on other places. And I feel like talking about it a little bit, just for kicks. And also to share the deep lore that's been burning in my head concerning it, some of which might not 100% track, but fuck it, it's my imagination, and I decide the path it takes.

To start, said commission is this:

(shifting to "Read More" mode now)

Firstly, yes, this is using "Quantum Leap Jesus Painting" as a reference.

Believe it or not, this is the last time this becomes relevant in this rant; things are gonna deviate quick here.

Secondly, this post is mainly a (very long delayed) response to some people's interpretation of what is going on in the image; namely, that Julie-Su is dead.

This was never my intention... however, admittedly, my intention is somewhat worse. Essentially, the intrusive thoughts were angry.

Let me explain: For those unaware, in the Archie comics, prior to the Big Legal Kerfluffle that resulted in the SGW reboot, Rouge was, to be blunt, a self-serving bastard, and basically didn't give a shit that Knuckles had a girlfriend.

Later on in the comic, Knuckles was going through The Shit due to briefly being evil (long fucking story) and trying to "free" people from technology and shit, and decided after everything was said and done that he needed to self-isolate.

Fast forward two issues, and Knuckles decides to return to public life... mainly thanks to Rouge wanting to further an agenda (that I don't really think gets revealed, given how the comics soon quickly fall down a cliff in terms of #shenangans and #lawsuits).

And here is where the thoughts started getting loud; Rouge could've tried to have it both ways: Get Knuckles back in to the fight, and also keep him to herself.

After all, Knuckles did have a good reason to stay away from Julie-Su after The Shit happened...

Yeah, he almost did that; stands to reason he could be convinced to keep his distance... or, rather, be convinced Julie-Su wanted to keep her distance.

Here is where the real shit kicks into gear with how this plays out in my brain: In order to play both sides (and, this is important, there is a very small window of opportunity Rouge would have her to prevent Knuckles from properly reuniting with her), Rouge confronts Julie-Su privately shortly after The Shit and, upon pushing just the right buttons (basically insinuating to her that it was her fault Knuckles went through The Shit at all), Rouge manipulates her into having that long-awaited rematch between the two of them in a private location... where she basically wipes the floor with her (she can kick Knuckles' ass just fine, this wouldn't be nothing in comparison; plus, cybernetics can be shorted out, just a tip), and knocks her out (see the first image).

Now.

You may have noticed my decision to use the phrase "play both sides".

Well, that's because that was what I was thinking of.

As much as she wanted Knuckles for herself, Rouge wouldn't kill Julie-Su directly.

She'd kill the idea of her.

She'd take her home. To a familiar face.

Who is on the record not above screwing with Julie-Su's brain to get what she wants.

(Plus, it's implied that chip never came out...)

And now also has a new partner in crime to help make the transition process smoother.

And Rouge 100% would A) know how to contact Lien-Da, B) talk her into taking part in this plan, and C) turn a blind eye to it all after the fact.

So, yes, in a very warped sense, everyone wins.

Knuckles gets to start moving on from The Shit, no longer burdened with one of the biggest reminders of how deep that went.

Rouge gets her prize.

Lien-Da gets to clear the slate and start fresh with a new ally, and a new member of the Dark Egg Legion.

And as far as everyone is concerned, Julie-Su has left for greener pastures, for her own good.

Rouge wouldn't kill Julie-Su. Not directly. Too many lost resources that way.

...but maybe it'd be merciful the other way around...

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Can I just vent. For a second. Infighting really sucks in disability/mental illness/chronic illness communities. There are going to be contradictory experiences and endless nuances within any community. And its understandable to be upset and/or angry if you come across something triggering in your safe space. It sucks but that’s the inevitable reality of the internet.

Keep scrolling or report the content or leave a respectful comment about your difference in experience/perspective or let them know it was triggering and respectfully ask that they please tag a certain thing in the future or just block them altogether. Rather than attack each other, there are so many more constructive options. We all live in a world not made for us. None of us have it easy. We all know it’s a constant battle. We don’t need to be battling each other on top of that

[itspixthecrazybitch]

My dad is still somehow convinced that my issues come from me “exaggerating my mental issues with my friends”

Sure. Let’s just ignore the fact that I WAS TWELVE YEARS OLD WHEN I WAS HALLUCINATING NIGHTLY AND CONVINCED THAT I WAS BEING HAUNTED BY GHOSTS AND WROTE MULTIPLE SUICIDE NOTES AND ONLY DIDNT DO IT BECAUSE I COULDNT FIGURE OUT WHETHER OR NOT IT WOULD WORK.

AND GUESS WHAT FUCKER? I DIDNT HAVE FRIENDS UNTIL I WAS THIRTEEN.

Make it make sense.

I know I’m a disappointment and I wasn’t supposed to turn out like this but that’s not because of my friends that’s because your expectations were just expectations. And reality isn’t about expectations.

[theethlezprincez]

yesterday my mom got pissed at me

she finally noticed the weight loss and told me

“you’re not allowed loose anymore weight”

then she went on about

“you have to get you’re blood drawn” and “you’re face looks yellow”

after that we got out of the car and were getting ready for dinner.

she couldn’t do anything else besides yell at me but so subtle that it looked like it hadn’t anything to do with it.

she didn’t yell at anyone else just at me again

i don’t know how i will survive thursday’s appointment

they’re not stopping me from the thing i’ve longed for for years

goodmorning

[queerpossums]

ack it feels like i smoked way too much and then ate a bowl of coffee grounds. salt hasn’t helped so it isn’t pots/neurologic issues. i need to sleep but i fucking can’t. it’s been days of feeling fucked in the head and i’ve been actively avoiding all risky activities and behaviors since i noticed shit getting weird. fuck fuck fuck i have to make it through the next semester and keep my merit scholarship. at least i’ve done a months worth of late work in the past five days

[minimilkerz420]

i feel like growing up as a very autistic young girl i was isolated mostly by myself, im not sure if asperger’s is different from the spectrum or the whole logistics lolol

even as an adult i feel it so overwhelmingly, along with the bpd. i don’t think it’s misdiagnosed, making sense. i need to find more people with the autism + bpd i think, feeling like you don’t even fit with the cool bpd girls because you’re too weird. which is really weird, and i know that. maybe i’m crazy, i am.

i also love listening to animal crossing throughout the day though, it’s really nice specifically noon am ! but it helps me cool my thoughts and my chest. i used to be on abilify and duloxetine which helped quite a bit though honestly

im in the process of finding a purpose for my life i guess, im 22 years old living alone in a rented room and i have nothing to show except scars and a diagnosis saying i can’t enlist in the military. OR a gun btw, super annoying. lowkey ableism, unbased! i considered mortuary science, librarian, going into welding, staying as a landscaper with my moms company. i never prepared myself for college, i’d say did anyone, but everyone did. i feel like when you have a traumatic event in your life you don’t think about careers and college, you just think of having a home i guess. someone to love and love you, a support system, food on the table. which even nowadays is getting harder especially.

don’t even ask how i feel about men these days on my mama

[aajjks]

work hard and love hard. (m)

warnings: 18+ thèmès, mánïpülátíón, ángèr ïssues, mástrúbàtíón, yándèrè thèmès, phónè sèx.

pairing: yandere ceo x fem!reader

note. ANOTHER OC! Ask him things all you want. I HOPE YOU GUYS WILL LIKE HIM. HEHE!!!!! he’s a mystery and I guess we all like mysteries. ;)

………………………………………………….

Yandere CEO who didn’t notice you the first time he saw you working as a receptionist in the large company, because he is not a man who notices people, especially not those who are beneath him

Yandere CEO who is a very serious man, A very cold and cynical type of person and as cliché as it sounds, everyone of his employees are scared to talk to him about anything he would when it comes to work

Yandere CEO who is actually borderline psychotic because he’s a workaholic and addicted to success.

And that’s where you come along and it takes him 4 to 5 months to finally take notice of you, when he walks in with anger, seething because he was almost late to a meeting and felt your gaze on him.

“WHAT?!?” He remembers screaming in your face, and the way you had flinched, so badly. His gaze had immediately softened.

He didn’t realize why, that is until… he found himself feeling feeling guilty about screaming at you, and, he found himself noticing your presence more often.

Your eyes, especially your gaze.. that scared, yet curious gaze. He knows that you’re curious about him. But the thing Is they you’ve been occupying his mind often.

Yandere CEO who as days pass, becomes increasingly aware and curious about your existence.

And before he can even realize he’s starting to fall for you, which is ridiculous by the way because he hasn’t even interacted with you enough,

Yandere CEO has started to become more patient and less aggressive with his employees when it comes to talking to them just so he can make you feel comfortable enough to interact with him for longer than two minutes

Yandere CEO, who looks for every single opportunity to interact with you and whenever you do interact with him, he’s just so happy

Yandere CEO, who didn’t realize that how unhappy he was before you came into his life

 Yandere CEO who takes you out to dinner, sometimes even lunch when it’s lunchtime at the company and he takes you to the most luxurious restaurants ever

The reaction that you give him are just so adorable, he finds himself giggling and smiling.

And what makes him the most happy? Is that you’re single, you are such a good girl you answer every single one of his questions without questioning him

Yandere CEO, who decides to pursue you into a relationship. One day when you’re having lunch with him.

“Yn.. um I know that this is really awkward but.. I really like you more than I should.. I like you,, a lot.. your presence just feels so light. I really like it. Can you please… just… consider my feelings?”

Yandere CEO who understands your confusion, so he decides to give you time, a lot of time.

And it’s hard, because you make him so… horny, and.. obsessed.

He wants more, he NEEDS more. He needs more than a touch of your hands together. He wants to be inside you,

Yandere CEO who’s going insane from longing, desire. Just a call from you as soon as he’s hearing your voice, even when you’re saying the most innocent, stupid random things ranting about your day to him

Yandere CEO is cumming so hard as he strokes his cock for the nth time.

Yandere CEO who doesn’t think that he can last without you anymore he needs to have you or he will actually go insane and do something that you might both regret, but then it will be too late.

[wholoveseggs]

Camping anon here⛺️,, I’m so happy that you took time out of your schedule to expand and add onto my thoughts… I love how you describe each of the characters, even going into detail about Finn,, which is something I don’t see people do much. Which you are absolutely right about what you said about him. He is essentially just a symbol,, an object and he is used as such. He gets used as a plot device for the story to continue on, almost like a puppet…

I loved reading your thoughts on the others, you expanded a lot on why they are the way they are which is something I thought about doing but I didn’t want to write you a whole essay 😭…

Regarding Kol (my love), I definitely agree with you that Daniel Sharman is the better actor (for multiple reasons other than just his acting abilities…). He plays the character of Kol very well and conveys the emotions beautifully. I don’t know if you have watched it but he plays a character named Troy Otto on Fear: The Walking Dead,, Troy is borderline psychotic for a number of reasons,, the way he was raised and y’know the added stress of being in the apocalypse and having to lead a group of survivors,, Sharman depicts the character very well… I’d argue that he could have played vamp!Kol better… (I still love you vamp!Kol…)

Daniel also plays on Teen Wolf,, another show that you may or may not have watched. He plays Isaac Lahey,, a victim of abuse and he portrays the character in such a beautiful and accurate way. He’s incredibly talented as an actor and way underrated imo. Not to get into a Teen Wolf rant because God knows I will, but there’s a lot of talent on that show and some underrated actors who deserve way more recognition than they get and Daniel falls into that category.

~ Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me 💜

p.s. I’m so dumb I’m just realizing you can change the font size and color and stuff even when you’re anonymous, I thought you couldn’t do that…

I have not seen either of those shows! He is a brilliant actor and I would love to see him in more things.

&& this is a PSA please send me essays about your favorite TVDU or HOTD character ... I love that shit, I gobble it up like a feral little gremlin.

[strangeauthor]

while idk if they're Offensive all the time some of the other personality disorder names piss me the hell off. Like actually "histrionic" sucks it's literally "wow ur overreacting" stupid disorder name. BPD- the borderline is bc it was seen as being on "The Borderline Between Psychotic and Neurotic" like. What. also looking up differences between OCD and COPD is. Quote from a website "The primary difference is that OCD includes obsessions/compulsions, while OCPD does not" THEN WHY IS IT CALLED OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER. Anyway probably less stupid but more confusing is the disorders beginning with the Schizo prefix. Schizophrenia - generally known as a psychosis disorder, also has negative symptoms like flat affect/anhedonia/etc. Schizoaffective - generally seem to be defines as schizophrenia in conjunction with a mood disorder. Schizotypal PD - generally lacks hallucinations or delusions, but still have negative symptoms and "odd beliefs" that may not align with reality. Schizoid personality disorder: this one's just social it's literally just social. Also one of the core diagnostic criteria is asexuality (or some places say "lack of interest in sexual relationships" like can we please just redo this whole shit. Also schizoid USED to be synonymous with schizophrenia but now it refers to the more social disorder. (it's a little funny when ppl try to use "schizoid" as an insult similar to psychotic bc it's much closer to saying antisocial.) WAIT I FORGOT ASPD.... CRIME DISORDER tho that's more diagnosis than name. Personality disorder names/diagnoses are just a mess we gotta start over (also in other countries personality disorders have been like re categorized with new names in the International Classification of Diseases, being more... Umbrella terms now?? It's something idk) sorry for this long fuckin rant I gt fixated on Schizoid personality disorder bc Mental Illness and now my brain is full of ????

signed cause that was some TRUE SHIT you said!!!!

[rreskk]

TREVOR PHILIPS EXTENDED ANALYSIS

Trevor Philips…

Drug dealer, “international CEO”, son, brother, friend.

TW: -Self harm -Implied drug use -Childhood abuse

I’ve made a longer analysis of Trevor as a character (THIS ISN’T A FANFICTION). 

ENJOY!

Growing up in the Canadian region border of America, it has been portrayed that he has a complicated history surrounding family and mental illness. While it isn’t exactly proven (unless Trevor stated himself), his childhood had been the possible causes of his later behaviour and long-term issues. As for now, we see it as psychopathy, or as wiki would say “Intermittent Explosive Disorder” (impulsive behaviour and explosive temper that could lead to physical aggression). Others would argue that he suffers from borderline personality disorder, considering his struggle to contain stable relationships and is seen experiencing the main symptoms of what a person of BPD can have.

His childhood consisted of instability, financial stress, emotional damage, and physical abuse. Trevor mentioned his mothers constant absence to Lamar and Franklin during a friendly hangout. -“She came back, she left again, came back, left again…” The repeated cycle of his mother leaving, whether this was earlier or later in his teens, it would show the great affect it had on him, personally. Trevor made it clear about his abandonment issues during the storyline and dialogue. His whole idea of finding Michael was to fulfil the years of being abandoned and alone. Having experienced this instability for his childhood had took a toll on his emotional availability. The cravenness of reassurance, respect, presence, or just staying with him. However, his anger issues would make it harder for him to keep people around.

Trevor has also stated his anger management being poor since the beginning of his time. After having a conversation with Jimmy De Santa, he was asked when he knew what he wanted in life. It’s safe to say he had this psychotic mindset since birth, theoretically the result of his mother’s drug addict and poor lifestyle. -“I was pulling the legs off spiders, and I wanted more. I wanted to kill all the way up to the food chain until I hit top, the human being.” However, when being antagonised about this behaviour, he swiftly blames it on his childhood as Amanda would say: -“God, he is such a turd! That wounded childhood bullshit – we all had had shitty childhoods, you balding lump!” This same coping mechanism from Trevor is seen when being asked about his mother. We all know he has been through some verbal/emotional abuse as for his fear of talking about her. Trevor has never said anything negative about his mother despite complaining about his childhood… If someone dares speak her name, he’ll throw a fit, a rageful rant about respecting his mother, almost protecting the fact that she may be the reason for his tormented soul. The “Mrs Philips” mission towards the end of the game, we can see the emotional abuse he receives without doing anything wrong to deserve her bitterness. The constant insults and belittlement, Betty even demands Trevor to seek her medication and would not let him inside the trailer until it was finished. If this is bad enough during his adulthood, we can’t even imagine the mess he had to deal with during childhood. Nevertheless, his mother issues has inserted a particular taste in women throughout the years. -“Old women are to be cherished!” He'd say during a strangers and freaks mission. His calm behaviour towards Patricia and any lady in general would suggest his utter respect (or secret fear). He craves female attention and a maternal dependence. If we look at this closely, we may understand how the lack of maternal attachment between the first few years of his life (0-5 years) would influence his later decision to grow attachments to the wrong people, and the wrong things. (This is called attachment theory- psychological theory). Trevor’s mother may have missed most of his early childhood for financial gain (her stripping, prostitution, etc), and therefore left Trevor with whoever she had at home, his brother and some of his step-dads. Occasionally he was left alone.

Moving on to his difficult relationship with fathers in general, we can understand that the physical abuse he gets from the men in his past would influence his behaviour to men in the future and present. Trevor had grew up being physically abused and dominated, almost tricking his mind into exacting himself into the repeated cycle, turning into the abuse he got and aims the intensions to weaker men (Ron, Floyd, Wade) to fill in that insecurities he got from his biological and step-fathers. Although a father figure isn’t as important to a maternal figure, it did affect his perspectives and made his anger issues worse, especially (I can’t exactly remember the source) when Trevor’s biological father abandoned him in a shopping mall (that he later burnt down in retaliation). Being let down by many older figures had made him dependent on people in the future, people who have a stand in power with Trevor, someone who is able to balance and handle his anger (Michael and Franklin).

It has also been stated that his brother, Ryan, had died of unnatural causes. Elements of Trevor’s words would convince us that he had something to do with it considering they hadn’t of gotten along well enough… To live. However, there is not much information surrounding his brother during this time.

His education is flawed (dropping out before graduating) and being expelled due to the aggressive nature. Trevor had moved all over Canada and had been switched between care homes, trailers, schools, prisons all throughout growing up. However, he has surprising gains in mathematics and can workout sums within a second, and with full accuracy. Trevor is able to process mathematical problems fast, as Wade would say: -“He’s very good with numbers.” Furthermore, the lack of grammar and overall English makes him improvise during speeches and messages. Trevor always speaks metaphorically, he hyperbolises a lot, uses imaginative scenarios to engage the people around him. (Sometimes manipulating – extremely, to get his point across… even if it doesn’t make sense).

“I was a drifter up by the border, wandering from truck stop to truck stop, recently out of the military… Huffing gas, fucking people over, killing, eating, whatever.” Trevor’s discharge from the military was caused by the detached and restrained relationship with his mother. Psychologically, maternal dependence and relationships determines someone’s emotional strengths and depth… Trevor mentioned during an online heist that the therapist who was determining his worth would constantly try and talk about his mother, resulting in an episode which… Eventually led to his discharge (thanks to his anger issues). His dreams to fly planes would crush and Trevor would be left drifting around the Midwest, utterly defused and emotionally damaged. That’s until he meets Michael, and then Brad.

2004, the prologue. We can consider Trevor’s experience to be titled as “survivors guilt”. His loyalty and partnership with both Michael and Brad was cut off after they both unexpectedly got shot. Trevor lived with the guilt of seeing his best friends die, thinking he could of done something… But Michael had obviously told him to save himself, resulting in the 9 years of isolation and depression. He was unknown of Michael’s plan to escape the criminal aspects, feasting the money for himself, the money Trevor couldn’t access as his identity was blown. Imagining that Trevor had to shave his hair and beard just to pass the radar of his North Yankton wanted posters, he had to skip towns without money, and impressively invested a meth business, earning a good load to make him… Well, wealthy. His mother had been absent for years after being imprisoned (as it was mentioned through story-mode), leaving Trevor to be living in Sandy Shores with a successful rising drug business, but with the shame of his past abandonment and lawful struggles to keep his morality clean… Obviously his modesty being destroyed by the abuse of drugs and alcohol (his damaging coping mechanisms).

Unsuspecting Michael being alive, it was a total shock for him to see the news, a potential copycat… Yet Trevor knew. Trevor’s intuition was strong, always have been strong. Throughout the gameplay, Trevor has odd intelligence and senses. He can tell when something doesn’t fit and he’ll suddenly click. He can understand situations faster than most people. He caught eyes with Davey and he knew him. He first saw Michael after 9 years and knew he was lying. After some convincing… Michael’s denials had led Trevor to realise that Brad’s imprisonment was also a lie. It seems that although Trevor takes on the worse from his experiences, he also earns himself the skill to predict and understand unfolding events. He can attack and approach situations, while impulsively, but effectively.

Further notes: Trevor’s coping mechanisms would include niche drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography, aggression, self-harm, and isolation. He finds himself deeply attached to women in general, often exploiting himself by seeing many prostitutes and masturbating to pornography daily. This would be the result of his mother’s absence and abuse… Nevertheless, he engulfs in self-harm (hitting his head, biting, scratching, etc) as a way to defuse his self-hatred (as he always saw himself as the problem… Thanks to his childhood again). His suicidal tendencies is pretty obvious throughout the gameplay.

[slashgod]

Rant under cut. TW: medical stuff, suicidal thoughts.

Me: on some heavy duty anti-psychotics for my borderline personality disorder and anti-depressants for my manic depression

Goes to collect medication from pharmacy. Gets told no request was put in for it.

Weird, I remember doing that last week. But ok.

Calls GP.

GP: oh ok we can issue an emergency medication request.

Me: great! Can we do that?

GP: I’ll call you back once it’s done.

Me: waits for a call that doesn’t happen. Realises they’ve now closed for the night and I have 0 medication left.

Calls 111 (non emergency services out of hours)

111: that’s your GPs problem, not ours. All the pharmacies are closed tonight so you’ll have to try again tomorrow.

Me: tries not to be concerned, one day should be ok right?

Calls GP again in the morning. Told an emergency request will be put through.

Calls pharmacist. No answer. Waits an hour. Calls again. No answer. Waits an hour. Calls again.

Pharmacist: the earliest you can have this is Friday.

Me: concerned. “I don’t have any left at all, the doctor said this was put through as an emergency?”

Pharmacist: we only just got it. We need to order it and have time to process it.

Me: calls GP back up. Says what I’ve been told.

GP: the pharmacy is nothing to do with us. We’ve put in the urgent request, it’s there job now, nothing else we can do.

Me: calls a different pharmacy to see if it’s in stock. Gets told no, and that all other pharmacy’s under that name don’t have it either according to their stock.

Me: calls 111 again. Makes sure it’s early enough that the pharmacies are still open and will be for another 5+ hours. Explains situation.

111: someone will call you back, thanks.

Me: doesn’t hear anything for 4 hours, calls them back.

111: yeah any calls we get before 6:30pm aren’t important so we don’t call back.

Me: uhhh… ok. So can you help me now it’s out of hours?

111: did you try your GP first?

Me: yes. Here is what happened.

111: did you actually try and call other pharmacies?

Me: yes. HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED AGAIN. What should I do now? I’ve tried all of these things! Should I just jump off a fucking bridge seeing as no-one seems to care?!

111: well this isn’t urgent so you’re not getting a call back soon. Bye.

Me: in tears. Right. I’ll deal. Calls a third pharmacy to see if they have stock. Told no again.

111: calls back. But now all the pharmacies are closed so byeeeee.

Me: crying. Thinking about suicide. Confides in mum what’s happening.

Dad: have you ever considered how that makes ME feel?

Me: ???? How do you think I feel right now???

Dad: yells at me as I leave the room. IF YOURE THAT DEPENDENT ON THEM THEY CLEARLY ARENT WORKING!

Me: laying in bed crying thinking about killing myself. Why is getting the medication I need so hard?

111: calls me back. Oh yeah you shouldn’t have been without medication at all even for one day it’s SUPER important you take something. A doctor will call you back.

Me: still waiting.

[la-la-lavandee]

I went on a bit of a rant on main so I might as well say it here too

Ableism against people with personality disorders is still ableism.

If you're the type to call somebody a narcissist/psychopath/sociopath/maniac/psychotic/any other disability as an insult or because they wronged you you are being ableist.

These diagnoses are legitimate and serious and debilitating. We are not evil, we will not go out of our way to hurt you like the villains in a movie.

Bad people do not need to be diagnosed to make sense of their immorality. To believe they do is ableism. Because disability is never an excuse.

"Narcissistic abuse" and "borderline abuse" victims this is about you too. Abuse is abuse. It does not need a disability related subcategory.

[queerpossums]

how can you tell if you’re going to have a manic/hypomanic episode? /genq

i’ve had severe depression with psychotic features for nearly a decade, and the psychotic bit has been worse than usual. i’m also diagnosed with bpd and am terrible with emotional regulation.

normally i’ll cycle through dissociating, physically painful depression, anger, and euphoria alarmingly quickly, but recently there hasn’t been any depression in that mix. everything is so loud inside and i have to keep doing something even if it’s rearranging the same corner of my room all night. i haven’t been coping in the healthiest ways, and i don’t want things to get worse.

my head is too full of random shit and there’s so much shit floating around that isn’t there, but it’s also so fuzzy and feels like it’s going to get super bad all at once but it hasn’t yet.

i hope this was vaguely coherent im sorry

[seeinginthedark]

Taking psychedelics took my spiritual awakening to a whole new level. I actually wouldn’t recommend it. It’s borderline psychotic. Luckily I know myself and I have self-awareness and have been working on my psychology for years and I’m Carl Jung fan. So I knew what was my imagination what was delusion.

You start with: rubbing shoulders with entities from fourth and fifth dimension. Who somehow “came into me” as I was filming my video rant journal channel on YouTube call them, angels, or devils, djinn. I then stopped the ranting videos and starting filming my alternate personalities the Earth Goddesses.

Lately I’m hearing a lot of spiritualists talk about calling on your spirit guides or your higher self to guide you during dangerous dark times. I never knew how to do that, and I don’t need to communicate with my higher self as I am myself. The Internet will tell you that you’re a Starseed from a different planetary system, incarnating on earth to raise earths consciousness. I think it’s a bunch of bullshit. I’m a human from earth and I love earth and I care about earth and during my psychosis, I morphed into a superhero provoking and hunting for aliens and members of the paedophile species to make them suffer for their atrocities in humanity. Especially astrocities of children . It got really bad I had to quit my job because I couldn’t concentrate on my tasks with all the thoughts of the poor suffering Children kept kept somewhere in the world. Their prayers unanswered. I heard their prayers. My ancestors protected me throughout this time. I believe in the old gods, and the deitys , but I don’t believe in putting up an altar and praying to them every day and asking for the blessings. All I need is my ancestors. I have a shrine for them. I never summoned angels. I knew what the angel numbers really were about. They aren’t angel numbers. They are a distraction for you in the simulation that they created for us to be trapped in. To get you off path to create a false destiny. So you waste your time looking at what the angel numbers mean. Remember what they say about vampires, if you want to deter them, throws and pebbles or coins on the ground because they can’t help themselves, but to stop and count them all before they continue to chase you. That’s what they’re doing to us with the angel numbers. I never summoned angels, Demons, or beings. They just surrounded me, probably my whole life, but I only became aware of it after I took DMT.

Sadly, the story ends with me in a dark depression back in the third dimension, missing my psychosis and my alternate personalities. unable to use substances to cope because the universe decided that I was going to be a mother again after 10 years. So I’m back in the matrix for now. Glued to a screen. Wondering if reincarnation really is a thing and if so do I really want to be a part of a repeated process of life instead of dwelling in the afterlife?

Oh, the joys.

[nikolasongsa]

psychopathic rant I did whilst I read something from whoever it was

the post dissappeared apparently because I took my fine ass time

Like thaulf said, women "are just like that", but psychiatry is not the practice of listing mere 'personality traits' as personality traits, but disorders. The way illness is described is also different

the point of psychiatry is often to use it against those undeserving of it; cut resistance, to make people mad, and sell drugs and in general just muddle things that are actually real and have empirical evidence

+ using words like "bpd" is faggot language

Read any DSM and continue to be amazed. The audacity of them to list things like genetics, IQ and retardation and use it like retards themselves

gay notes for myself mainly

"Romans 7:17 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway’."

"Here are other words of this doctor who lived a century before Orwell wrote 1984. According to Heinroth, the psychiatrist

appears to the patient as helper and saviour, as a father and benefactor, as a sympathetic friend, as a friendly teacher, but also as a judge who weighs the evidence, passes judgement, and executes the sentence; at the same time seems to be the visible God to the patient…

“The biggest issue we faced during the time our daughter began to manifest problems (when she was five years old) was to convince the ‘professionals’ that she did indeed have a disease that was biologically based and not caused by alleged child abuse [or] bad parenting”

"I’m a 16 year old girl who has just gotten out of a ‘psychiatric treatment center’. I was there for over 4 months because I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder and Manic Depression. Borderline Personality Disorder is the biggest f— joke I have heard of. All it is a description of an immature teenager. Haha. I am also not Manic Depressive. The psych people there somehow managed to convince everyone that I was, including my parents. (‘She has severe highs and lows. And she’s impulsive too!’) They put me on lots of medication.

Perfectly normal people are kept in treatment centers. Perfectly normal teenagers. Nobody was crazy there. Not even one person. They were just teenagers with divorced parents. Or teenagers who did a few drugs. Or teenagers who got suspended from school. Suddenly we were all Borderlines, Schizophrenics, and Manic Depressives who ‘needed’ long term hospitalization. We also ‘needed’ medication. They put us on heavy doses of anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, antidepressants, anti-whatevers. I was the only patient who didn’t take the medication. I will never take psychiatric medication. I’ve tried it before. It does nothing except for turn me into a zombie. It dulls me out. Makes it so I can’t think straight. Everyone else took it though." 1996

"In the dawn of the 21st century the diagnoses that were used against her and her mates (‘borderlines’, ‘schizophrenics’, ‘manic depressives’) are as fraudulent as the diagnoses that the psychiatrists used in the 19th century (‘moral insanity’, ‘folie lucide’, ‘nymphomania’)."

"Psychiatrists are fond of stressing how much suffering schizophrenia causes. However, I can truthfully say being labeled a schizophrenic has caused me a hundred times as much suffering as the so-called ‘illness’ itself. Since recovering my sanity in 1961, I have spent decades struggling to gain some measure of self-understanding and self-esteem. In this regard, I never fully recovered from what psychiatry and my parents did to me until I finally realized I had never been ill in the first place."

(The same person who coined the term 'schizophrenia' coined the term 'autism')

"How, for example, can a psychiatrist validate his identity as a medical doctor without labeling others as mentally sick’, asks Modrow, ‘that is to say, without dehumanizing others and thoroughly destroying their identities?’

"Economics controls politics, so the pivotal issue is an economic one. To see what is happening, look at the textbook or manual called DSM-III, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, third edition. Translated into economic and political terms, mental disorder means undesired mental states and attitudes and behaviour […]

The criteria in the manual are very useful for controlling the population because you can bring them to bear on practically anyone if the occasion seems to demand it. Look at this: ‘Oppositional disorder’ is a very good one."

"In 1999 Professor Leonard Duhl of the University of California defined mental illness and poverty in the most perfect sense of the ideologists of the Great Confinement of the 17th century: ‘the inability to command events that affect one’s life’."

"If the philosophy of the biologicistic psychiatrists is right, all our passions, traumas and conflicts, loves and fears, are not the result of our desires in conflict with the external world, but of the swings of small polypeptides in our bodies that are transformed into despair."

"The primitive witch-doctor, who tried to understand Nature in human terms, treated objects as agents: a position known as animism. The modern witch-doctor, who tries to understand the subjectivity of man in terms of Nature, treats agents as objects: a position known as bioreductionism. Primitive man has been demystified in our scientific era. Who will demystify psychiatry doctors?"

"a mandate to strip anyone of their civil liberties […] to homogenize people who are out of line. Presented as a medical exercise, it is an undercover operation. "

"Personality disorders are diagnosed in 40–60% of psychiatric patients, rendering them the most common of all psychiatric diagnoses"

"First, concerning point (a) above, DSM-IV-TR already lists Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Conduct Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and countless more poorly defined and controversial diagnostic labels, all in large part oriented at defining as mentally ill the kinds of behavior that Dr. Diamond wants to pathologize further. But no psychiatrist intent on listing yet more disorders in the DSM should be blind to the risks of overdiagnosis, given the embarrassing amount of overlap that already exists among these disorders. "

[crazy56u]

Currently on phone, but here’s a bullet list for now:

Home Alone and Galaxy Quest:

Jon Miller is the DM, and is seemingly conspiring against Kara Strait.

The plot shifts into borderline psychological horror.

Paulo Quiros’ character repeatedly tries to derail the plot. (Marv trying to talk Harry out of robbing the McCallister’s house versus Jason Nesmith taking baths and getting high instead of doing anything of substance.)

Kara Strait’s character dies while Paulo Quiros’ character technically wins the campaign due to breaking away from the plot. (Marv managing to escape and reinvent his life versus Jason Nesmith agreeing to stay in the Matrix.)

Paulo Quiros’ character gets severely injured through their own stupidity. (Marv getting electrocuted cutting through the power lines versus Jason Nesmith throwing out his back opening a heavy door.)

The main setting of the campaign gets destroyed by the end. (Granted, the Protector was digitized, not destroyed, but by the end of the campaign, it no longer existed in a physical sense, so it counts. Also, it kept blowing the fuck up due to Jason Nesmith’s stupidity.)

Kara Strait’s character is pinned for crimes they didn’t do. (Kevin blaming Harry for destroying his house versus Arthur pinning Guy’s death on Sir Alexander.)

Home Alone and Clue:

The DM has players be separated in order to have certain information and actions kept secret.

The DM recreates a scene from the movie off the top of their head. (Jon Miller’s “Angels with Filthy Souls” reenactment versus Lisa Kopitsky’s one-woman performance of Mr. Boddy’s arrival at the mansion.)

A character has an obsession with an element pertaining to the bathroom at the detriment of the plot. (Marv sticking to the Wet Bandits’ shtick of flooding the house versus Carolyn Faye Kramer almost having a heart attack ranting about the poop scraper,)

The climax sees Joz Vammer’s character run out of a house, and attract the attention of the police.

Paulo Quiros’ character stumbles across some form of political conspiracy (Marv mistakenly thinking the “party” Kevin throws is a political rally versus Mr. Green knowing about Mrs. Peacock taking bribes for her senator husband and Colonel Mustard’s treason.)

Property damage is a plot point. (Technically, the falling chandelier squishing the cop counts as property damage.)

The campaign involves elements being added that aren’t common to a usual campaign in order to facilitate a sense of mystery. (Lisa independently using game pieces from the actual Clue board game versus Jon only letting Joz have access to the full McCallister house gameboard, while Paulo and Kara have to uncover it room by room.)

Clue and Galaxy Quest:

The plot gets broken due to the players getting separated into groups. (This one is a minor stretch; I’m going this route due to Wadsworth becoming a borderline non-entity after Part 1 due to multiple players splitting off to do other things.)

At one point, the police storm into a building to arrest Kara Strait’s character.

Joz Vammer’s character suffers a psychotic break during the final episode.

Joz Vammer’s character dies.

There’s the presence of a DM-controlled character operating off of a false identity. (Wadsworth is revealed in the movie to be the real Mr. Boddy. Broms keeps pretending to be other people.)

Andy Hoover’s character gets nabbed by the cops, and taken for questioning.

A character is killed off screen, and Kara Strait has some degree of involvement. (Mr. Boddy is revealed to have been killed by Mrs. White, while Jon reveals Guy got murdered by a mugger between Parts 2 and 3, with Arthur deciding to pin it on Sir Alexander.)

Home Alone, Clue, and Galaxy Quest:

Hail of bullets ending.

The ineffectualness of the police. (The lone policer that shows up at the McCalister’s house and is Jeff-adjacent verse the cop that accident causes the chandelier to crash onto him versus the police causing a bloodbath at Spirit Gum Theater.)

Kara Strait and Joz Vammer’s characters are at each other’s throats.

Kara Strait running afoul of the police is a plot point.

Paulo Quiros gets a weapon used on him at one point at varying degrees of success. (Marv getting fed through the meat grinder via Kevin’s various traps versus Mrs. Peacock threatening Mr. Green with the fireplace poker [and Professor Plum trying to shoot Mr. Green] versus Sarris firing at the Protector [which Jason Nesmith was piloting, so it counts].)

Paulo Quiros is a player character rather than the DM, to the detriment of the other players. (Marv and Harry slowly falling apart as a group versus Jason Nesmith’s mere existence versus Mr. Green being the secret FBI agent looking to have everyone else go to jail.)

The closest the campaign gets to a successful ending is a pyrrhic victory. (Home Alone: Kevin beats the Wet Bandits, but his house gets destroyed. Clue: Mr. Green successfully turned over the evidence for everyone’s crimes… except Mrs. White’s. Galaxy Quest: Jason, Tommy and Fred willingly agree to stay in the morass and life lives of fantasy, while Spirit Gum Theater gets a rave review at the express of multiple deaths.)

So, about Galaxy Quest Part 5

MASSIVE FUCKING SPOILERS BELOW

So, if I were to tell you that Home Alone, Clue, and Galaxy Quest all form a Venn Diagram, with one specific thing in the center, what would you think I was alluding to...