#what finland did today

[comradecowplant]

so things are not going well with my new elderly socdem friend unfortunately.

[bluecookiesabi]

Why do I keep wanting to eat salty licorice

[dracimexidae]

Sofia and Ale my beloved 🥹🥰

[auspicioustidings]

Based on this. You are in Finland full of self-loathing and the 141 needs a fat wife if they want to win some beer.

You aren't exactly on holiday in Finland. It should be your honeymoon but since you caught your groom balls deep in your maid of honour you instead have used it as an escape from the country. You just cannot be around the people you love right now, can't have them all look at you with all that pity. Even worse is that some of them probably don't even blame him. Your former best friend is a size 8, perfect hourglass figure. Your former partner is trim and decently fit. They look like they belong together more than you and him ever did.

You hate yourself. You hate looking in the mirror. You hate how clothes fit you. You deserved it you think.

"Not a chance MacTavish, that's my wife!"

"Away and biel yer heid, I saw her first!"

"Actually I saw her first!"

"I outrank all of you muppets so I think you'll find that is my wife!"

It's a racket in the little cafe but you don't pay much mind, still just staring out the window and wondering if you could ever deserve anything. One of the servers comes to take your empty cup and grins at you, telling you in her heavy accent that she would personally go for the one with the mask since he's the biggest. You don't understand when you look around and there are a lot of locals smiling happily over at you while four Greek Gods of men are having a scuffle, moving slowly in your direction. More people chip in, arguing about who you should pick, some lamenting that they would claim you themselves if they thought they could.

One big man does try, basically some Viking God, but he's playfully (you hope it's playful) spear tackled by the man with the mohawk before he laughs and backs off.

When Gaz with warmed cheeks and excitement in his eyes gets to you while Soap is busy with the viking and Ghost and Price are wrestling one another he asks if you'd do him the honour of being his wife. You nearly choke, but he explains that the wife carrying competition is today. You look around, bewildered, ask him why he wouldn't pick any of the other women in here given that they are all gorgeous slim things.

"Fuck all use to us, need a nice soft bird with lots of fat" says the man in the mask.

Price scowls and whacks his lieutenant upside the head because he sees how you look a second away from crying.

"You're gorgeous sweetheart, he didn't mean anything by it. The prize is the wife's weight in beer though, so he's right about a little lady not being much use."

You don't know what to say. You don't know if this is mortifying or not given that everyone around you seems to not be looking at you with sneers or laughing at you, but instead looking with soft smiles that convey fondness. They think this is adorable.

"Dinnae listen tae their nice soft birds and sweethearts! I'll be a better husband bonnie. I'm shorter aye bit look at the power in these legs, naw going tae drop ye. And I'll split that beer 50/50!"

And then they're arguing. The four of them are arguing and trying to put forward a case to you about why they would be the best husband. When it starts to get raunchy, you fluster and stop them. But fluster is something. It's not self loathing. It's been weeks since you felt anything but self loathing. So even though you are sure everyone can feel the heat rolling off of you in waves at how bashful you are under so much attention from such attractive men, you pick one (the others are devastated but vow that you're only a wife for the competition, that after they should get another shot at convincing you that they're the best option).

And they do. Even though the man you picked doesn't win (gets DQ'd actually since you are heavy and he decided that you were getting over that damn finish line so the four of them took turns) they take you out for drinks after. You think you feel humiliated that they couldn't carry you a long distance, but you don't have time to sit with the feeling because they drown it out with how warm and giddy they make you feel.

They insist that they will compete next year, so you have 365 days to pick a husband. When you make a quiet comment about how you'll lose weight by then so they can carry you the whole way, they nearly riot as they assure you that they would be a shit pick for husband if they didn't spent the year getting stronger so they can carry you just how you are. Plus they'll not be losing any beer thank you very much.

By the time the next wife carrying competition rolls around you are a different person. You're wearing clothes that fit instead of trying to hide your body. You laugh and flirt back with the barista instead of assuming they are making fun of you by flirting. And you don't care if your husband makes it over the finish line, just that you have fun and laugh and joke about the attempt. Of course it's not entirely certain who that husband is yet, got to keep them on their toes after all.

[bisnes-socks]

i added my thoughts to the takavoltti lyrical analysis here but today i want to talk about why i think takavoltti is one of käärijä's most finnish songs ever.

this got a bit long, so just so you know what to expect going in: what i mean by most finnish is that there are references and tone of voice that are very specific to finland, there is complex use of the finnish language AND there are melodic/musical choices in the song that sound very finnish to me.

okay, here goes.

the dialogue that opens the song is already a sort of key moment to this finnishness of it all. when he says "emmä tiedä, kolisee jos kolisee, mut mun on pakko sit koittaa vetää tosi matalalla" he is doing a bit of a voice but more than that, he is talking in a way that is not quite his. his inflection, the rhythm, those are not natural to him or his dialect. you can hear it particularly when he says "koittaa vetää tosi matalalla". i don't know if it's at all easy to hear if you're not finnish, but it's not.. a serious voice or tone. the other two voices, one of them is modified to be high and the other talks like a sports announcer. the whole scene is quite comedic and it's a very specific genre of comedy that is very finnish indeed. it's also the type of thing he has been doing since always. (EDIT: OKEI MORE CONTEXT IN A REBLOG HERE)

funnily enough, you guys know köpi kallio now, the therapist in skit and autiomaa video? yeah köpi and his long time partner in crime viki are good examples of this type of humour i would say. they have their own podcast/show called viki ja köpi show but before that they were radio hosts and have been working together for ten years. the character voices and the whole vibe of the scene in the beginning of the song is very viki ja köpi to me, very ylex type comedy (yes ylex the radio station who did the ruisrock interview who still isn't back from the war).

and the small comedy bits stay in there through out the song, and they continue to have the same delivery instantly recognisable as comedic.

and that isn't to say the subject matter can't be serious. i think, again, this is something that feels inherently finnish to me. other finnish people feel free to chime in because this is hard to explain, but our culture is one where coping through making light of things is quite normal. and our sense of humour tends to be on the darker side, at least if you compare it to the american style of comedy that has taken over globally. so to make a song about there being too many demands on you and how you have a problem with setting boundaries and agreeing to insane shit, but to do it by interjecting the song with jokes just idk.. it sits in our culture lmao.

i honestly don't know how to explain this better, but quite dark comedic elements like this (after all he gets properly fucked up in the stunts it seems) in a song with a serious subject matter is something we've been doing for decades in this country (juice leskinen, for example) and it is something so loved by finnish people. we love a song that is just fucked up on multiple levels. käärijä is just adding his own style to this cultural history.

okay, onto the language.

the verse opens with "tekevälle sattuu" which is a finnish proverb.

quick finnish lesson: the word sattua in finnish means both to hurt and to happen. the word tehdä means to do but tehdä kipeää means hurting. like.. now that i think about it tämä tekee kipeää = this is doing (me a) hurt is valid and correct finnish lmao.

tekevälle sattuu, the proverb, actually means "things happen to those who do" but he is playing with the different meanings here, because he goes on to say "ain sattuu ku tekee" which can both mean "things always happen when you do" or it can mean "it always hurts when you do". then he goes on to say "ku tekee, ku kipee, ni kipeetä tekee" which is once again playing with words, because kipee here means both pain but also being sick. "ku tekee, ku kipee" would translate as "when you do as if you're sick" and "kipeetä tekee" means that it hurts.

so to recap (i'm not trying to provide a smooth translation, but highlight his wordplay:

tekevälle sattuu = things/pain happen to those who do [things]

ain sattuu ku tekee = shit happens/you get hurt when you do [things]

ku tekee, ku kipee, ni kipeetä tekee = when you do [things] like you're sick [in the head], you get hurt

so this is all to say two things: he's using the finnish language in a very clever way that really only becomes clear if you know the language and all of these idioms and proverbs. and also that he is very good at what he does. it has taken me four paragraphs to explain 13 words.

and he doesn't even end there. "oon yllytyshullu, ain hulluksi yllyn" is more play on words. jesus, jere. okay guys, stay with me.

yllytyshullu i explained in my previous analysis, but recap: yllytys means incitement and hullu means crazy. yllytyshullu is someone who does crazy shit when prompted.

"ain hulluksi yllyn" here he is using the word yltyä which is the same root as yllytys, but yltyä means usually more like.. to intensify. (for example: sade yltyy = the rain is getting heavier, or tuuli yltyy = the wind is picking up)

so to say hulluksi yllyn, he's saying like.. i let myself be incited and/or i always take it to the max, to the point of crazy.

and then he uses very clever rhyming words: "ja tää hullunmylly on kylmempi kylpy". hullu means crazy, mylly means mill, hullunmylly is basically a hullabaloo.

as you can tell, all of this is like bordering on impossible to translate accurately into a smooth translation. and that's just the first verse, but i'd be here all night if i explained the whole entire song 😭

and this to me is a very clear sign that no matter what sort of an audience he has internationally, he's not compromising on his language. and i find that admirable and, as a finnish person, very comforting too. this song is sort of reassuring, like he is reinserting himself very firmly into finnish culture, with the language and the comedy that do not translate very well. 

and if you look at the pre-chorus and chorus, the specific references keep coming: calling him kärtsä (finnish people have a lot of nicknames for him), "hyppää kybäst pommi" the slang use of kybä to mean ten meters, he mentions duudsonit (the dudesons) and he mentions jorvi hospital. all of these feel like he is signalling to a very finnish audience. (also "oon syypää sun hymyyn" could count as a cheek reference, cheek used to be like the biggest rapper in finland).

okay, time for melody and music speak. i only have one simple point here: melodically and musically speaking that has to be the most suomi iskelmä chorus i've heard from him. ever.

you could take that melody and insert it as the chorus to like any song on iskelmä radio. iskelmä is a finnish schlager music genre. kind of impossible to describe but something that finnish people will instantly recognise. the opening, with the piano synth could also open an iskelmä song.

very suomi, very iskelmä.

so.

all of this is why i think takavoltti is about as finnish as it gets. a suomi iskelmä about having serious issues with boundaries that uses clever finnish and paints a comedic picture of a banged up black-eyed käärijä who has dislocated his shoulder but is still showing thumbs up is like.. so much finnish condensed into three and a half minutes.

i know not everyone thinks the song is hilarious but i do. it's both hilarious and very serious and that's how we like it here.

and of course the fact that there is an "ai vittu" in there. we like that too.

[homunculus-argument]

Me and my boyfriend have ended up watching surprising amounts of WW2 british war rationing content - mainly modern brits trying to survive one or two weeks on the same kind of rations. Apparently they had rationing for tea, but not coffee, and I was already about to laugh at their british distress before it occurred to me that I have no idea how I would survive finnish coffee rations of the time. So we were both curious to actually try this out, but unfortunately there doesn't seem to be exact info online on not just what goods were rationed in Finland, but how much did each individual get.

If you've ever wondered what those "I wanted to dig a ditch on the backyard to see if I could live in it but my wife said no" dudes would be doing with their lives if they weren't married, I guess this is what it looks like when two of those date each other. Today I watched my boyfriend chop a log into firewood in the living room with a belt knife and another log, and it was neat.

[cartoonistcoop]

ShortBox Comics Member Interview: Otava Heikkilä

Throughout the month of October, the Cartoonist Cooperative will be sharing interviews with members of the Co-op who have a new comic available at the ShortBox Comics Fair 2024! 

NOTE: The Cartoonist Cooperative is not affiliated, associated, authorized, endorsed by, or in any way formally connected with ShortBox.  

Today’s spotlight is Otava Heikkilä and their new comic for ShortBox, Home by the Rotting Sea 

We’d love it if you could introduce yourself and tell us about your background in comics.

Otava Heikkilä: Hey, I’m Otava, a thirty-something comic artist from Finland whose work focuses on narrative, usually historically inspired, usually dark fiction, for queer adults. I’ve been self-publishing comics online since 2010, and my works have been published by indie publishers like Iron Circus Comics and Quindrie Press from 2016 onwards. My piece for ShortBox Comics Fair 2024 will be my 14th comic to see a release. I don’t really know why I make comics, but it’s the primary driving compulsion I have in life. Sad, or awesome, or both!

Tell us more about your new comic?

OH: Home by the Rotting Sea is about two former playthings from the Human King’s harem. This world has ended after a climate event, and the ice caps have melted, and everything that’s left is this hot, rotting world without trees. The usual things still thrive there: Kings with big enough armies to confiscate land for themselves. But after the ice caps melted, humans have gotten in contact with another humanoid species who used to live behind the glaciers: the Väki, who the humans call giants, because they’re bigger than us. The territories are under dispute, and to smooth over the latest injury, the Human King sends those two former playthings, Ilta and Laulu, and a cart full of jewelry and furs, to the Väki as an appeasement. The comic itself starts here, and we see Ilta and Laulu learning to live among the Väki. It’s an existential slice of life.

Tell us about your creative process; how did you develop this comic and what are the steps you took to bring it to the final stage?

OH: While developing a new comic, I usually have a few interests that compel me, and a few more that bother me, and I end up alchemizing those together. In recent years I’ve been interested in prehistory and the other humanoid species that lived alongside us in the past. Everybody wants to make a story about how we might’ve felt about the Neanderthals, and I think I’d like to make it too. This is kind of a go at that story, but I wanted to make it fictional and unrelated to our real world relatives. Chasing historical accuracy with a story about prehistory is inherently kind of an impossible, funny thing anyway, and I’ve understood I’m not well-read enough for it (If you are, and would like me to illustrate it for you, hit me up).

So the speculative anthropology was the compelling part. The bothering part was/is the genocide in Palestine that broke into a hell on earth while I was developing the comic. I want to make it clear that my comic doesn’t matter in any meaningful way under this terrible light, but the events are inside all of us and making us sick; my comic is about the death of a people and a land because somebody at the top can’t stop eating the world until there’s nothing left. It’s impossible to make it and have it be unaffected by what’s happening. This was the hardest story to make for me because I’ve bagged so much grief inside it, and hope too.

I’ve also been through chronic pain this year, and I made a lot of the backgrounds of the comic with my left hand, which is in somewhat less pain than my right one. It’s kind of stupid to suffer for pictures, and I will try not to do it going forward, but probably I will.

Does a sense of audience, even if it’s just an audience of one, enter into your creative process? If yes, how so?

OH: Yeah, of course. It’s the need to make a connection to somebody and to feel and see the same thing with brief but great precision. It’s a kind of truth-sharing, because I find it hard to share my real self in my personal life. Or maybe those two things aren’t connected, I don’t know. I’m always thinking about the individual on the other side.

Can you talk about your visual style? How did you develop it?

OH: I think art comes to me easily and because of that I’m lazy about it. I don’t use as much reference as I should, and there’s a general ground floor chaos to everything; my work is worse for it. I’ve tried to tighten the ship and learn better fundamentals as I’ve gotten older, and the result is, I guess, interesting. I do big compositional color blocks first, then lines and detail. I went to art school for my Bachelor’s degree and retained nothing from there except a general superiority complex about having an art degree and some painting fundamentals, which make my workflow slower than it should be for digital comics. Sense of dimensions and scale, color, and clarity of the reading experience are important to me.

Read the rest of the interview HERE! And dont forget to check out the Shortbox Comics Fair to support these lovely creators!!

[tulisydan]

Bojan & Käärijä timeline: LIVERPOOL

1.5.

They all arrive to Liverpool, Käärijä has his first rehearsal

2.5.

Joker out has their first rehearsal

Käärijä’s ja Bojan’s dinner date and intagram live. During this the rest of the Joker out were doing interviews in their hotel and Bojan very proudly tells this to Jere

Here’s some instagram stories from their date

3.5.

Käärijä’s second rehearsal. Also tiktok-live. He was asked which country he would give 12 points. First he’s so frustrated because “you can only give to one country the 12 points, that’s meaannn” but obviously his answer was:

4.5.

Käärijä had a meet & greet press conference. The birth of ”The Bojan”

may 4th was also the famous boat day!

5.5.

Joker Out has their second rehearsal

Käärijä had a livestream with Katri. Obviously Joker Out and Bojan mentions.

Nordic party where Joker out sneaked to

6.5.

Joker Out’s interview and Käärijä living rent free on Bojan’s mind. (He was asked if people stops him on the streets to take selfies, ”not as much as Käärijä tho, I blame his hair and pants 🥰”)

Famous babyseal interview.

Käärijä, his dancers and Bojan playing never have I ever. THIS was the birth of the “ARE YOUU”.

7.5.

Turquoise carpet day!

Käärijä’s and dancers ig-live. Jere keeps saying Carpe diem when he means turquoise carpet.

Käärijä interview, wild Bojan in the backround saying hi to the dancers

8.5.

Bojan, Kris and Jan visited in Käärijä’s sauna, here’s Yle’s video, here’s some more videos

I have come to a conclusion that this video of bojan and jere doing this carpe diem -thing is from the same day as they are wearing the same clothes.

9.5.

1st Semifinal

This fucking interview. Some highlights:

- Kris saying that Jere said to them that if Joker Out won’t get to the final, käärijä will NOT perform there either!

- live reaction when the interviewer said that Finland is on first place on Joker Out’s monthly listeners -list on spotify

- Bojan said he wanted to go to Käärijä’s sauna today too but it was too full.

- Bojan tries to say ”hyvää päivää” (good afternoon) in finnish but fails. Some people try to claim he said ”hyvää vittua” or ”hyi vittu” but I really think he accidently said ”hyvää yötä” (good night). Because I think it’s cute that jere would teach him all those finnish sayings.

- Bojan telling about the snus proposal. He was genuinely surprised and only realized that it was a joke after he saw everyone filming. Then he pretended to took the snus for the Content. Says he once tried snus but threw up the whole night. (Then tried to impress jere in Tavastia and used snus, what a loser)

- fanfiction talk… Kris asks if there’s fics about Jere and Bojan. Bojan doesn’t know. (Or so he says)

- this fucking thing that Bojan said about Jere:

”We bonded over that childish energy that we both have. Käärijä is a very nice guy. He’s been very busy in this eurovision season, everybody wants a piece of him and I think it was quite necessary for him to find someone to like, kind of relax and put his mind off stuff”

Joker out reacting to semifinal 1 qualifiers

10.5.

Bojan had this interview where he kept saying ”Jere” instead ”Käärijä” to random interviewers

Also another interview where he talked about his and Jere’s friendship. This was his face:

11.5.

Second semi final (SSF)

Jere watching Joker Out Bojan perform

12.5.

Dress rehearsal

Whatever this was:

Did Jere just hang out the whole day under the Slovenian flag?

13.5.

Final

[dresshistorynerd]

European history is not white

Someone commented this to a post I reblogged, which message is basically "we shouldn't venerate the Dead White Man HistoryTM and we should elevate other history too, but we still need to learn Dead White Man HistoryTM to understand the world today". It's basically a response to the attitude you sometimes come across in the internet that sees learning about those Dead White MenTM as not worth our time. And this person, who seems to be following this blog because they responded to my reblog, takes it as a personal attack against all white Europeans. For some reason. Well I take these comments as a personal attack against historical understanding.

Firstly, the post clearly didn't say you shouldn't venerate any European history, because not all European history is Dead White Man HistoryTM. Obviously this person thinks European history is white, which is not true, but surely, surely, they know it's not all men? Secondly, what is "west culture"? When did it start? There is not one western culture, not one European culture. The first concept of some shared Europeanness was the Christendom in Middle Ages, but it was not exactly the same as we think of Europe today, because it did not include the pagan areas, but it included a lot of Levant and parts of Central Asia, where there were large Christian areas. And Europe was not "very white" nor was the Christendom. The more modern concept of West was cooked in tandem with race and whiteness during colonial era and Enlightenment, around 17th to 18th centuries. And Europe was certainly not very white then. The western world also includes a lot of colonized areas, so that's obviously not white history. Thirdly, implying that asking white people to apologize for European history (which no one did ask) is as ridiculous as asking black people for African history is... a choice. Black people do exist in a lot of other places than Africa, which white people should be the ones apologizing for, and really white people also have a lot to answer for about African history. Lastly, if you think the quote "anyone who thinks those dead white guys are aspirational is a white supremacist" means you as an European are demanded to apologize for your existence, maybe - as we say in Finland - that dog yelps, which the stick clanks. (I'm sorry I think I'm the funniest person in the world when I poorly translate Finnish sayings into English.)

The thing is, there is no point in European history, when Europe was white, for three reasons. 1) Whiteness was invented in 17th century and is an arbitrary concept that has changed it's meaning through time. 2) Whichever standard you use, historical or current, Europe still has never been all or overwhelmingly white, because whiteness is defined as the in-group of colonialists, and there has always been the internal Other too. In fact the racial hierarchy requires an internal Other. 3) People have always moved around a lot. The Eurasian steppe and the Mediterranean Sea have always been very important routes of migration and trade. I've been meaning to make a post proving exactly that to people like this, since as I've gathered my collection of primary images of clothing, I've also gathered quite a lot of European primary images showing non-white people, so I will use this opportunity to write that post.

So let's start from the beginning. Were the original inhabitants of Europe white? Of course not. The original humans had dark skin so obviously first Europeans had dark skin. Whenever new DNA evidence of dark skinned early Europeans come out (like this study), the inevitable right-wing backlash that follows is so interesting to me. Like what did you think? Do you still believe the racist 17th century theories that white people and people of colour are literally different species? I'm sure these people will implode when they learn that studies (e.g. this) suggest in fact only 10 000 years ago Europeans had dark skin, and even just 5 000 years ago, when Egypt (an many others) was already doing it's civilization thing, Europeans had brown skin (another source). According to the widely accepted theory, around that time 5 000 years ago the Proto-Indo-European language developed in the Pontic-Caspian steppe, which extends from Eastern Europe to Central Asia. These Proto-Indo-Europeans first migrated to Anatolia and then to Europe and Asia. Were they white? Well, they were probably not light skinned (probably had brown skin like the other people living in Europe around that time), the Asian branch of Indo-European peoples (Persians, most Afghans, Bengalis, most Indians, etc.) are certainly not considered white today and a lot of the people today living in that area are Turkic and Mongolic people, who are also not considered white. I think this highlights how nonsensical the concept of race is, but I don't think Proto-Indo-Europeans would have been considered white with any standard.

Around Bronze Age light skin became common among the people in Europe, while in East Asia it had become wide spread earlier. This does not however mark the point when "Europe became white". During the Bronze Age there was a lot of migration back and forth in the Eurasian steppe, and the early civilizations around Mediterranean did a lot of trade between Europe, Africa and Asia, which always means also people settling in different places to establish trading posts and intermarrying. There were several imperial powers that also stretched to multiple continents, like the briefly lived Macedonian Empire that stretched from Greece to Himalayas and Phoenicians from Levant, who didn't built an empire but settled in North Africa, Sicily and Iberia. In Iron Age the Carthaginian Empire, descendants of Phoenician settlers in current Tunisia, build an Empire that spanned most of the western Mediterranean coast. Their army occupying that area included among others Italic people, Gauls, Britons, Greeks and Amazigh people.

Iron Age also of course saw the rise of the Roman Republic, and later empire, but it was preceded by Etruscans, who populated Tuscan, and possibly preceded the Indo-European presence. However, weather through trade and migration with other Mediterraneans or the continuing presence of darker skin tones of the early Europeans, their art quite often depicts darker skin tones too, like seen below in first two images. Roman Empire at it's height spanned from Babylonia to the British Isles. They recruited soldiers from all provinces and intentionally used stationed them in different areas so they wouldn't be too sympathetic to possible rebels or neighboring enemies. Historical sources mention black Nubian soldiers in British Isles for example. They also built a lot of infrastructure around the empire to ensure protection and easy transportation through trade routes inside the empire. During this time Jewish groups also migrated from Levant to both North-Africa and Europe. Rome even had non-European emperors, like Septimius Severus who originated from Levant and was Punic (descendants of Phoenicians) from his father's side, and who was depicted with darker skin (third picture below). Various ethnicities with differing skin tones are represented all over Roman art, like in the fourth picture below from hunting lodge in Sicily.

Eurasian steppe continued to be important source of migration and trade between Europe and Asia. Scythians, Iranic nomadic people, were important for facilitating the trade between East Asia and Europe through the silk road during the Iron Age. They controlled large parts of Eastern Europe ruling over Slavic people and later assimilating to the various Slavic groups after loosing their political standing. Other Iranic steppe nomads, connected to Scythian culture also populated the Eurasian steppe during and after Scythia. During the Migration Period, which happened around and after the time of Western Rome, even more different groups migrated to Europe through the steppe. Huns arrived from east to the Volga region by mid-4th century, and they likely came from the eastern parts of the steppe from Mongolian area. Their origins are unclear and they were either Mongolic, Turkic or Iranic origin, possibly some mix of them. Primary descriptions of them suggests facial features common in East Asia. They were possibly the nomadic steppe people known as Xiongnu in China, which was significant in East and Central Asia from 3rd century BCE to 2nd century CE until they moved towards west. Between 4th and 6th centuries they dominated Eastern and Central Europe and raided Roman Empire contributing to the fall of Western Rome.

After disintegration of the Hun Empire, the Huns assimilated likely to the Turkic arrivals of the second wave of the Migration Period. Turkic people originate likely in southern Siberia and in later Migration period they controlled much of the Eurasian steppe and migrated to Eastern Europe too. A Turkic Avar Khagenate (nation led by a khan) controlled much of Eastern Europe from 6th to 8th century until they were assimilated to the conquering Franks and Bulgars (another Turkic people). The Bulgars established the Bulgarian Empire, which lasted from 7th to 11th in the Balkans. The Bulgars eventually adopted the language and culture of the local Southern Slavic people. The second wave of Migration Period also saw the Moor conquest of Iberia and Sicily. Moors were not a single ethnic group but Arab and various Amazigh Muslims. Their presence in the Iberian peninsula lasted from 8th to 15th century and they controlled Sicily from 9th to 11th century until the Norman conquest. During the Norman rule though, the various religious and ethnic groups (which also included Greeks and Italic people) continued to live in relative harmony and the North-African Muslim presence continued till 13th century. Let's be clear that the Northern Europe was also not white. Vikings also got their hands into the second wave migration action and traveled widely to east and west. Viking crews were not exclusively Scandinavians, but recruited along their travels various other people, as DNA evidence proves. They also traded with Byzantium (when they weren't raiding it) and Turkic people, intermarried and bought slaves, some of which were not white or European. A Muslim traveler even wrote one of the most important accounts of Vikings when encountering them in Volga.

By this point it should already be clear that Medieval Europe was neither white, but there's more. Romani people, who originate from India and speak Indo-Aryan language, arrived around 12th century to Balkans. They continued to migrate through Europe, by 14th century they were in Italy, by 15th century in Germany and by 16h century in Britain and Sweden. Another wave of Romani migration from Persia through North-Africa, arrived in Europe around 15th century. Then there's the Mongol Empire. In 13th century they ruled very briefly a massive portion of the whole Eurasian continent, including the Eastern Europe. After reaching it's largest extent, it quickly disintegrated. The Eurasian Steppe became the Golden Horde, but lost most of the Eastern-Europe, except Pontic-Caspian Steppe. They ruled over Slavs, Circissians, Turkic groups and Finno-Ugric groups till early 15th century. The Mongolian rulers assimilated to the Turkic people, who had been the previous rulers in most of the steppe. These Turkic people of the Golden Horde came to be known as Tatars. Golden Horde eventually split into several Tatar khagenates in 15th century, when the khagenates, except the Crimean Khagenate, were conquered by the Tsardom of Moscovy. Crimean Khagenate was annexed by the Russian Empire in 1783. Crusades were a movement from Europe to Levant, but they also meant intermarriage in the the Crusader kingdoms especially between the European and Levant Christians, and some movement back and froth between these kingdoms and Europe, trade and a lot of movement back after the Crusader kingdoms were defeated in 13th century. Generally too trade across the Mediterranean sea was extensive and led to migration and intermarriage.

And here's some example of people of colour in Medieval European art, shown as part of the majority white European societies. First is from a 15th century French manuscript depicting Burgundy court with dark skin courtier and lady in waiting. Second one is from a Flemish manuscript from 15th century of courtiers, including a black courtier, going for a hunt. Third is a 15th century Venetian gondolier with dark skin.

In Renaissance Era Europe was only increasing it's trade and therefore had even more connections outside Europe. The first picture below is Lisbon, which had strong trade relationship with Africa, depicted in late 16th century. People with darker skin tones were part all classes. Second image is an Italian portrait of probably a seamstress from 16th century. Third one is a portrait of one of the personal guards of the Holy Roman Emperor. Fourth image is a portrait of Alessandro de' Medici, duke of Florence, who was noted for his brown complexion, and the modern scholarly theory is that his mother was a (likely brown) Italian peasant woman.

Colonialism begun in the Renaissance Era, but the wide spread colonial extraction and slavery really got going in the 17th century. Racial hierarchy was developed initially to justify the trans-Atlantic slave trade specifically. That's why the early racial essentialism was mostly focused on establishing differences between white Europeans and black Africans. Whiteness was the default, many theories believed humans were originally white and non-whites "degenerated" either through their lives (some believed dark skin was basically a tan or a desease and that everyone was born white) or through history. Originally white people included West-Asians, some Central-Asians, some North-Africans and even sometimes Indigenous Americans in addition to Europeans. The category of white inevitably shrank as more justifications for atrocities of the ever expanding colonial exploitation were required. The colonial exploitation facilitated development of capitalism and the industrial revolution, which led to extreme class inequality and worsening poverty in the European colonial powers. This eventually became an issue for the beneficiaries of colonialism as worker movements and socialism were suddenly very appealing to the working class.

So what did the ruling classes do? Shrink whiteness and give white working classes and middle classes justifications to oppress others. Jews and Roma people had long been common scapegoats and targets of oppression. Their oppression was updated to the modern era and racial categories were built for that purpose. The colonial powers had practiced in their own neighborhoods before starting their colonial projects in earnest and many of those European proto-colonies were developed to the modern colonial model and justified the same way. In 19th century, when racial pseudoscience was reaching it's peak, Slavs, others in Balkan, the Irish (more broadly Celts), Sámi (who had lost their white card very early), Finns, Southern Italians, the Spanish, the Southern French and Greeks all were considered at least not fully white. The Southern Europeans and many Slavs were not even colonized (at least in the modern sense, though with some cases like Greeks it's more complicated than that), but they looked too much and were culturally too similar to other non-white Mediterraneans, and they were generally quite poor. In many of these cases, like Italians, the French and Slavs, it was primarily others belonging in the same group, who were making them into second class citizens. All this is to highlight how very malleable the concept of race is and that it's not at all easy to define the race of historical people.

However, even if we would go with the racial categories of today, Europe was still far from being all white in this period. You had Roma, who certainly are not included in whiteness today, and European Jews, whose whiteness is very conditional, descendants of Moors in Southern Europe and Tatars and Turks in Eastern Europe and Turkey, which today is often not thought of as part of Europe, but historically certainly was. And then colonialism brought even more people into Europe forcibly, in search of work because their home was destroyed or for diplomatic and business reasons. There were then even more people of colour, but they were more segregated from the white society. Black slaves and servants are very much represented in European art from 17th century onward, but these were not the only roles non-white people in Europe were in, which I will use these examples to show. First is a Flemish portrait of Congo's Emissary, Dom Miguel de Castro, 1643. Second is a 1650 portrait of a Moorish Spanish man Juan de Pareja, who was enslaved by the artist as artisanal assistant, but was freed and became a successful artist himself. Third is a 1768 portrait of Ignatius Sancho, a British-African writer and abolitionist, who had escaped slavery as a 20-year-old. Fourth painting is from 1778 of Dido Elizabeth Belle, a British gentlewoman born to a slave mother who was recognized as a legitimate daughter by her father, and her cousin. The fifth portrait is of an unknown woman by (probably) a Swiss painter from late 18th century. Sixth is a 1760s Italian portrait of a young black man.

In late 18th century England abolished slavery in British Isles first, then in early 19th century in the whole British Empire, thanks to the continuous campaign of free Black people and some white allies, notably Quakers. Around the same time slavery was abolished in France (briefly till Napoleon got to power) after the French revolution. This meant there were a lot more free black people in Europe after that. In 18th century the Europeans, British especially, were colonizing Asia as much they could, which meant that in 19th century there started to also be a lot more Asian, especially Indian people in Europe. First picture below is of Thomas Alexander Dumas, who was son of a black slave woman and a white noble French man and became a general in the French revolutionary army. His son was one of the most well-known French authors, Alexander Dumas, who wrote The Count of Monte Cristo and The Three Musketeers. Second portrait is of Jean-Baptiste Belley, a Senegalese former slave, who became French revolutionary politician. Third portrait is from 1810 of Dean Mahomed, an Indian-British entrepreneur, who established the first Indian restaurant in London. Forth is Arab-Javanese Romantic painter Saleh Syarif Bustaman, who spend years in Europe. Fifth is a 1862 photo of Sara Forbes Bonnetta, originally named Aina, princess of Edbago clan of Yoruba, who was captured into slavery as a child, but later freed and made Queen Victoria's ward and goddaughter. She married a Nigerian businessman, naval officer and statesman, James Pinson Labulo Davies (sixth picture).

So any guesses on at what point was that "very white Europe" when the "west culture" begun? It kinda seems to me that it never actually existed.

[potatounicoorn]

Käärijä's Helsinki live concert, mid-speeches translated

Okay as promised I will try to translate Käärijä's speeches of his concert. I am doing this as training for my English exam so I will make mistakes. Also Käärijä speaks in Finnish spoken language, and it has more slang than written language. So the translations are a polished versions of his speeches. Please correct me on my grammar mistakes! :D

---

"Good friends! Welcome to Käärijä's journey!

---

"Just like that. There is a lot of you. I heard some people have been waiting for a week in there. That requires skills. Thank you for that. Good lord give your self a big applause for this."

"Käärijä in Vantaa. From Vantaa. A sold-out Black box (the concert)."

"Nobody would have believed this. Not you, not me, no one. But accidents happen to everyone and now one happened to Käärijä.

"Amazing, let's continue."

(applause)

"Oh don't start yet, I'll take my jacket off. (A friends name?) take my jacket off."

"This leather is a bad choice for the outfit cause there are flames and everything. Leather against leather.

(The Finnish word for skin and leather is nahka so it's a fun play with words).

"A sip of water and we will continue."

"But one question! Did we come here to have fun? (Crowd cheers) Okay then we will continue."

---

"Thank you"

"Hey! Now there is this thing, and I am hoping that this friend who is coming here has drunk water. So that he won't go into the pyres, because today this one guy has a bachelor party."

(The guy in question appears, and Käärijä speaks to him. The guy wears a monkey suit)

"And I bet. And I bet you don't get any further. This will remain as a bachelor party. And you can start looking for a new friend, a new companion. I hope they are watching this."

"Hey! Here we have a monkey. And so am I."

"This job that we are doing here is really a job of a monkey. (With monkey they mean kinda silly or stupid). Glad to see someone else in this suit and next we have the song Kiertävä sirkus."

"You can go wild but don't go into the flames."

---

"Thank you! (Speaking to the monkey guy). I wish you nothing but the best and good luck."

"If everything went badly because of this, then you can move into my tiny apartment. You are always welcome."

"Okay take that monkey away."

(Speaking to the crowd again)

"It makes me glad. (He said "vetää hiljaiseksi" which means "pulls me silent", but idk how to translate that well)."

"People are wearing green and some people don't have clothes at all on them, but that is fine."

"So, have you been enjoying yourselves huh?"

(crowd cheers)

"Well yes. So I actually went to Eurovision, I don't know if anyone watched it, but-"

(cheering)

"Yes that was, that was like a basic gig in Nivala. Yeah we did that out of the way and- now we are here. So I appreciate all of you so so so so much."

"This is not self-evident, so many people want to see this circus monkey, I don't- I mean I am thinking what is wrong with you all, but it's nice that you are all here. Yeah just kidding.

"I also want to thank you for everything, you guys have made this thing, not me I just made the song. I didn't do much more than that. You guys created this around Käärijä- well I am not sure what sort of chaos this is, but you guys are guilty for that. Thank you for that."

(Crowd cheers)

"And then I would like to respect this guy called Antti Tuisku. " (Antti is a very popular and beloved Finnish singer).

"Sadly I need to tell you that Antti had much more better things to do, than come to Käärijä's concert."

"He is somewhere in Spain, with an oiled chest. Macarena- or what is that song."

"But we are trying to give our respects to him. He is apparently quitting his career, good for me, he made me some room. Thank you Antti."

"Antti was Finland's best live performer, notice "he was". Who is it now? I do not know."

"But- I was thinking we could do it for you guys (his and Antti's song "Auto jää".) We can respect Antti and- this sounds like a funeral speech. He is alive. And is doing well. Is doing better than ever."

"Antti, if you are watching this somewhere, I don't know somewhere. But if you are not watching then all the best for you. See you in Spain."

"Let's get going."

"You can sing along! I have no idea how these lyrics go, but let's try."

---

"Thank you."

"Pity that Antti didn't come."

"Antti did not come and you can't do anything about it."

(I don't know how to translate the word "onpa" but he says that a few times. Basically a word to start a sentence)

"I don't know, this makes me speechless. (the sound is not working) And now my headset is starting to get broken. I am absolutely messed up over here. I am not drunk but otherwise I'm messed up."

"There is- hey (points into the crowd) you put me messages about that hat, didn't you? Yes. Think about this, there is this one person who made a- I don't know how many weeks or months it took you to make that- that hat. Hat. First they were flexing me like "Look at this hat" and I was like oh that is kinda cool "Do you want this?".

(The person starts to point at the hat and ask does Käärijä want it)

"Why would I take it, it's yours!! Dear lord- no I can't- maybe later."

"Quite a hustle and bustle."

"Shall we continue still?"

(Crowd cheers)

"Yes we will continue- I am trying to look if there are any- all of you are my friends. And that much I want to say that welcome to Käärijä's family."

(Cheering)

"Even if you don't want to, now you are a part of Käärijä's family, because you came here. You have sold your souls to Käärijä.

(Cheers"

"And I hope everyone respects each other here, because otherwise I will come there and no one will have fun anymore."

"Because there are small family members here, so I hope they too will see something. So if there is a little Lassi somewhere in there, then take that Lassi and carry him so he could see too. Or then they can come here 10 years later."

"I feel like that 5 year old Lassi is as tall as me. Or what was its name. But I guess-"

"Okay then we will do a few new songs. We released this mixtape and decided to do those songs as well. I am kinda terrified already, (looks at a paper on the floor) and I went to look what were the names of the songs."

"Are they- Are these the songs? Well I guess there is no other choice but to do these."

"Are there anyone who bought that mixtape?"

"Well they did not sell that well but- that is why I am not even wearing a shirt on."

(A pink guy whispers something to him)

"What?"

"Is it the wrong song? That was the wrong song."

"What was it?"

"Well it was Mic mac."

"Sorry for that, I am still kinda in Liverpool, but well just ignore that."

"Let's play Mic mac then."

"If someone knows this legendary dance, you are allowed to dance."

---

"There is a mini Käärijä. Hello."

"That is cool. Is that my missing bolero? That was- you never returned it. But that's okay, it is yours now."

"Who else do we have here. What is that, a Pokemon card, a Bulbasaur- so many gifts here again."

"You guys are- a finnish flag- yes I know where we are."

"Someone came here "Really, Käärijä can't remember. We should show him that he is here in Finland, and no more in Liverpool!"

"Draw me a tattoo."

"Now you are- I will come there at some point. You are- you are- you are going hard over there, there is absolutely no sense in this."

"Dear lord."

"Does anyone else want a tattoo? I have the equipments over there."

"When this career in music starts going downhill, I was thinking about- well I guess I need to have a tattoo shop then, because so many want to take one."

"Alright, let's do more new songs then. Is that ok?"

(Crowd says yes)

"Well this is the first time we are doing these live, so give us some air and mercy. We are a bit confused, but that's the spirit."

"Let's go."

---

"Thank you."

"That went surprisingly well. A bit of confusion, but that is okay. Forgive me."

"And then there would be this "Morgan", has anyone heard it?"

(cheering)

"I can tell you, yesterday when we were practicing it- it was horrifying to watch. Let's hope it is today, just as horrifying to watch."

"So let's go!"

---

"Thank you (starts laughing)"

"Guys, you should never present a song you learned yesterday."

"But that went quite well, didn't it?"

"Yeah, the same thing was with Eurovision. I learned the lyrics a day before the show, and it went well!"

"Hey it is absolutely amazing. Life ain't so serious. It's good to go wild sometimes, but like nicely, no stupid things."

"I also want to say hey to the back row."

(cheering)

"Käärijä's concerts rarely have a back row, but now there is one."

"That is very nice, welcome here. I hope you can see something, I'm kinda a tiny short guy."

"People have been talking about how tall Käärijä is. So you know what?"

"I don't know."

"That's it."

"Let's go to the next song!"

---

"That kind. That song."

"Hey, a question. Always interesting a question like this."

"How many people knew about Käärijä before UMK?"

(Crowd answers)

"Not everyone could have know no. Where have you been those days? When Käärijä sang lonely gigs? In Pudasjärvi, in a corner of a pizzeria. Haven't seen you guys there."

"How many of you, Käärijä was not really known, before UMK?"

(Crowd answers again)

"Well now it badly seems like, people are trying to get pity pints to Käärijä. Same guys who said "Yes I have listened" raised their hands in "I haven't listened"."

"Well it is what it is. That I will never know. Numbers will know."

(The person with a tattoo sign is waving their sign)

"You are still swinging there. We should take a hotel room later, now take it easy. We will make that tattoo."

"Wow. Are there- How many made a bolero?"

(People raise their hands, one guy is jumping, Käärijä points at him)

"You. The same crazy person again here. I can never get rid of you. Now you have some kind of a teddy bear with you. What gig was it- it was Lap- Lappeenranta?"

"This guy stole the whole show."

"You got paid and everything."

"Yes well- yes no wonder Kärtsäri is not driving around with a fancy car when this one guy takes it all (the money)."

(The guy takes his wig off)

"Put that potty back you looked better in it."

"Hey I want to- there is a bolero. I first of all want to thank you- I am usually not the one to say thank you, I am that kind of a person who is not thanking everyone. That's not who I am. Thanking everyone is more of Antti's thing, not mine."

"But I want to say, to all the families that there here. Are there any families here?"

(Crowd answers)

"I assumed at first of course that "Yess there are families here". And nobody came. Let's just say, the smallest family members welcome here, and I hope parents know where they just took their kids. And I try to behave accordingly, today. This is the last time."

"This is the coolest thing that has happened to me, honestly."

(Crowd cheers)

"There- there in Liverpool the fact that there were 15 thousand people and 250 million people watching from TV, this is much cooler. Thank you for that."

(Crowd cheers)

"Even if I lie a lot, I am not lying about this."

"Okay shall we continue?"

"Hey, will any shirts come off? Next up is Paidaton riehuja (shirtless rampage) so will any come off? There! There went one."

"Remember at Käärijä's concert we are all family, so you can take off your shirt no matter gender or who you are. Of course be aware of the smallest family members, so they wont get trauma."

(Points at the crowd)

"What kind of a duck costume are you wearing?"

"You have come to the wrong concert, no but let's go."

---

(Käärijä goes near the crowd.)

"Thank you"

"Like that."

(Someones money drops)

"Your money dropped here."

(A little kid in a pink dress comes next to Käärijä)

"You- oh goddaughter even came here. Go fast to your mother or you'll drown there (in the crowd)."

(People give him stuff. Käärijä leads the kid back)

"Are these for me? Thank you. Amazing. (girl's name maybe?)"

(Käärijä goes back to the stage)

"I'll go back to the stage, I didn't go back home like some of you thought."

(Someone in the crowd shouts something, I am not sure what)

"It will come, it will come. It is the next one actually."

"Let's see. First time ever I had to do a set list. Because there are like 16 songs here."

"I am not sure what these songs are, but here they are."

"What are these songs? Do we even have time to do these all? Hey, before Urheilujätkä, there will be Hirttää kiinni."

"Is that okay?"

(He asks "Hirttääkö jengillä kiinni? Hyvä niin minullakin", not sure how to translate it right.)

---

"Kärtsäri's concert haven't had this kind of a feeling in a long time."

"Old man's pump is starting to fail, I hope our first aid is ready. Okay no that was a joke, no need to worry."

(Watching fan signs)

"What is there? "Greetings to mom and dad" my parents? Do you have something to say to my dad? "Cha cha cha, hirttää kiinni ja Mic mac" very well... "

"That is a cool sign, I need to give you my respects. My apartment is full of drawings, and shoes and socks and... I sleep on top of all the fan made things... and I don't have the money to move to a bigger apartment yet, but maybe someday for sure."

(Points to the crowd)

"Why are you jumping over there?"

"Cool is your bolero, what is it made of? Sheets maybe? No, just kidding, it's amazing."

(Cameraman is filming a fan with a sign "Make a <3 if you think Bojan is hot" Käärijä sadly did not notice :( Love the fan for trying)

"Soon we will give you some cha cha cha. And and well not yet, I tricked you guys a little, but soon."

"Before that, I would like to ask some people- wait I need to check who I was supposed to ask here."

"Yeah my memory left in- I need to say that this journey from Liverpool- no actually from UMK to here has really been a journey of some kind. And you people have made me come through it. I must say that if people think that this kind of life is just some highlight and very cool- this is very cool yes, but there are a lot of dark sides into this."

But I must say that the moment I see so many people here because of me- Dear lord."

"If my mom comes here well that is normal, but this many people, I am not sure how many is just wow. Nobody probably bought their own ticket here. You won your tickets from some cereal packet or-"

"Hey next I would like to ask people here on the stage. First of all I am asking my friend, who is actually the reason why I am on music business at all, and I have learned a lot from him and he is a dear friend. We have been through some hardships but we are still friends and I hope it stays like that, so now with a big applause welcome to the stage Soni!!! (I think it was Soni)"

(crowd cheers)

Soni: "Good evening"

Käärijä: "Pay your debts"

Soni:: "Tomorrow"

Käärijä: "Welcome to the stage"

Soni: "Thank you thank you"

"And next I would like to ask, one friend, who we made the first Käärijä song with and my best friend. Who was with me in Liverpool as an interpreter but he didn't get to do anything cause I became so good in English. My English is kinda good nowadays."

"Yes yes mister worldwide here"

"Applause to Jesse!!!!!"

"And before all this I will go get this one shirt. Where is it? Here."

Soni: "Does anyone have lamps on their phones? Could we get those up for the next song?"

Jesse: "This is the moment"

"This is very awkward to wear this shirt on. But is e here, is uncle Jaska here somewhere? Sportguy himself."

"He is not. Hey now it looks cool. Are you ready before the big final? Let's go!"

---

""Well that was a journey."

Joni: "What a circus."

"Jesse over here has played hockey before. Can't believe he is here now. Well career didn't start on that area and Jesse is not doing anything in this area either."

"Hey a few songs left I hope you have all enjoyed. Tomorrow I will go to a vacation so don't try to contact me. I won't answer. Cause now Kärtsäri needs a vacation."

"A few songs left and then you can all go to home to sleep. Are you ready?"

"I'll go take my shirt of and then we will continue."

(Someone shouts take your pants off)

"Pants off? These pants are stuck in my skin. So they won't leave. If you didn't know I actually sleep in these."

"Journey has been hard and it has a prize and that we pay."

"Next we will have a tense atmosphere"

"So let's continue."

---

(Crowd shouts Cha cha cha)

---

"Thank you!!!!"

"Give a big applause to yourselves! Give a big applause to the dancers! And give a big applause to my pink friends!"

"Do you want it to play again?"

"DO YOU WANT IT AGAIN?"

"Okay let's do it, now everyone goes as hard as they can!"

---

"Thank you!"

"Dear god, thank you thank you thank you!"

"Now my tank is empty and I will go to a vacation. remember to take a break and have a vacation."

"I will remember this always, I don't remember anything from the Eurovision show but this I will always remember. Thank you!"

"And I hope we can take one family photo. Everyone here, YLE will shut the TV soon. Okay good, good. And you can lift our hands."

(Crowd is chanting "Winner! Winner! Winner!")

"Thank you! See you in the future and maybe somewhere else!"

"Thank you, thank you. Goodbye!"

---

And with that I have decided to never translate anything ever again. Why did I think this would take an hour max? Anyway I hope this was useful to someone out there. It was a fun protect and after this, my English exam better be a 10.

GOODNIGHT!!!!! <3

[milaisreading]

🌱🩷: So, I had this one sitting in my drafts for a few weeks now. Tbh, this is my first time attempting to write Hetalia x reader content. Hope you enjoy it. And yes, I made Yn a Nordic state, bcs why not. We all love some chaos.

(C/n)- Country name

Warnings: Reader uses she/her. No warnings, really. Requests for Hetalia stories are open

🌍Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya🌍

"Why me?! You know I hate almost everyone." The girl asked her long time friend and ally, Finland, over the phone. The blonde laughed over the phone, which caused the other country to growl a little.

"Sorry, but you know how these meetings go. Every year one of us Nordics have to join these things. This year it's your turn, (C/n)." The said country cringed as Finland used her country name. He only used it on her when the argument was over or she made him mad.

"I know... Let's hope this ends well." She sighed, a little terrified of the meeting.

'8 of the strongest World powers will be with me in that meeting room... let's hope I won't be forced to sit between Russia and America again.' She gulped, finishing her call with Finland.

"It doesn't help that all of them hate me, too."

(Y/n) mumbled to herself and went to get ready.

"France, what's with those flowers?" China questioned, his eyes narrowing at the blonde. This caused Russia and America, who for once weren't arguing, to look at the blonde as well.

"Nothing, old friend~ you know I love roses the most." France smiles nonchalantly.

"Really? Then what's with that paper in the bouquet?" Germany questioned.

"What paper? Oh this?! It's just the bill!" France laughed awkwardly. He tried to take the pink paper, but America beat him to it and took it instead. France frowned nervously as Japan made a observation too.

"And you smell odd today... Did you use some cologne?" The Japanese asked.

"That'-"

"And why did you insist for our Nordic guest to sit so close to you? I thought you found Sweden scary, frog." England added in.

"What are you talking about, old friend? Sweden is a nice guy, I want to get close to him."

Russia and Germany sent him looks of disbelief, but before either could say anything, America let out a yell.

"France, dude?! You really are so uncool! How could you do this to me?"

"What?" England blinked, looking between the duo.

"What are you talking about?" France asked innocently, but America shoved the paper into his face.

"To my beloved (Y/n)?! Really?! And you are so casual to use my girl's human name, too!"

America glared at the French nation. France, angered by his last sentence got up and glared right back at America.

"Your girl? My beloved (Y/n) would never go for a loud mouth like you."

"(Y/n)? Do you guys mean (C/n)-san?" Japan suddenly interrupted them, causing the rest to realize what is going on.

"Wait, why did you buy flowers for her? And don't claim her so casually, pigs." China frowned, getting a little jealous. Russia, who was smiling the whole time looked at the duo, too.

"China is right. The little sunflower is too cute and delicate to be claimed by dirty men like you. So stay away."

France and America shuddered for a moment and the ominous aura surrounding Russia. And before another fight could start, Germany, England, and Japan spoke up. The trio was jealous and pissed as well by their comments, but they couldn't cause a fight now.

"Calm it down, all of you." Germany commanded.

"You all are acting like immature kids." England frowned.

"Let's all just take a deep breath for a moment." Japan suggested. The group slowly nodded their heads and one by one sat down. After a few minutes China spoke up, looking menacingly at France.

"But seriously, what's with those flowers? You are not planning to give it to Sweden so that he can hand them to (C/n)?" The oldest nation raised his eyebrow as France gulped and laughed nervously.

"Why not? Her and Sweden are close friends."

"Cut the crap. What's this all about?"

"Yeah, you have been acting off ever since you sent that invitation to Sweden." Now it was England and Japan's turn to look at him in confusion.

"I might... might not have invited Sweden this year... hahaha."

Now, France was usually a smug and calm person, but he knew this revelation would make room for a hellfire not even he wanted.

"What do you mean by that?" Germany narrowed his eyes.

"Acho!" (Y/n) let out a small sneeze as she walked down the streets of Paris, utterly confused as to where she was.

"I got lost...didn't I?" (Y/n) muttered to herself, getting her phone out to check her location.

'This is bad! If I am late, Germany will be pissed at me! And if he is pissed, he might berate me! Oh, I am so dead.' The nation gulped as she looked at her watch.

"Bella! I didn't expect to see you here!"

The girl jumped in surprise as she heard a familiar voice and quickly turned around.

"Italy?! What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the meeting by now? You are always there early with Germany and Japan." The Nordic nation commented, sighing in relief that she wasn't the only one late.

"Oh~ I wanted to get some food before going. Here, take some~" The Italian said happily, handing her a few pastries he bought.

"Ah? You shouldn't give me these." The girl blushed, surprised by his kind gesture.

'But... Italy has always been like this to everyone.' She argued herself as Italy shook his head.

"I want you to have it. I tried some of the sweets in the bakeries already, so I am full. Besides..." Italy grew shy a little, but still kept his usual closed-eyes smile.

"I bought them for you. I remember you told me and China once how you don't eat prior to our meetings."

"Y-you remembered that? That conversation was years ago." (Y/n) blushed a little in embarrassment, but was touched by his gesture.

"It was important enough to remember!" Italy argued.

'He is such a flirt... well, he is a country of passion and romance, if I recall correctly.' The girl smiled gently and nodded her head.

"Thank you, Italy. It's really kind of you. But you came all the way here to buy me food?"

"France said the best bakeries are here. But why are you here? Yesterday I saw that you would be in our meeting too, this place is pretty far away from there."

"I... I kinda got lost." The girl said, genuinely sounding embarrassed. Italy blushed at her cute behavior and nodded his head. Without any warning, the European country took her free hand and started dragging her to a nearby parking spot.

"I-Italy, don't grab people like that!" The other country scolded him, but knew it was futile against him.

"Bella, don't worry. I will drive us there. I did come with a car, after all."

The words caused (Y/n) to sigh in relief for a moment as she thanked Italy for his help. But, that relief soon turned into panic as the words finally sunk in.

'Italy... will drive me?' She gulped as the approached the sports car.

'I should have prepared a will.'

Italy, oblivious to her panic, held himself back from skiping and humming in happiness. He finally gets to spend time with his beloved (Y/n) without anyone interrupting him.

"We will be there in no time!" The Italian said enthusiastically.

"Y-yay..."

'Is this my karma because I ate Iceland's pudding last week?'

"So... you invited (C/n) and not Sweden and decided not to tell us, right? Did I get that right?" Although Germany looked and sounded calm, France could tell the blonde was far from it.

"Surprise." The French nation laughed, pissing the rest off even more.

"You backstabbing frog! Why wouldn't you tell us this sooner?!" England yelled as America held him back from jumping the country.

"Yeah, what even was your plan here? Did you want to impress her or something?" The youngest country asked.

"My dear friend, I don't need to try that hard. (C/n) can tell I am a better pick without me even trying much."

"What do you mean by that?" Japan asked the French country.

"Women love a man who is honest with his emotions, romantic, and most importantly, can cook." The final being more a jab on England than anything.

"Hold up! That would include me, too! I am always honest with her!" America yelled in protest, earning disapproving looks from Russia and China.

"You yell, America. That doesn't mean you are honest. Besides, she always said she likes my cooking more." China laughed as he got a nasty look from Japan.

"Well, in that case she must like me more. She always compliments my cuisine and likes listening to my interests-"

"Same with me! What now?!" The two Asian countries glared daggers at each other while Russia was smiling menacingly at them.

"I think I would be a better fit for the sunflower. After all, we both grew up in the cold and I can also protect her better-"

"Russia, you scare her. You are not a better fit." Germany sent a side-glare at the platinum blonde.

"Same for you, old friend."

The once calm room turned into a screaming match between the nations. Neither noticing Italy and (C/n) walk in, looking at them in astonishment.

"Ve~ let's skip out on the meeting and go get food instead."

"I-" She looked at the Italian man and then at the rest, a feeling of defeat taking over her body.

'Why did I agree to this? I knew I should have stayed in self-isolation! Denmark will pay for it!'

[jokeroutsubs]

[ENG SUB/translation] JokerOutSubs x Radio Celje collab: Joker Out on Radio Celje (24.10.2024)

Big thanks to Radio Celje who collaborated with us on this one!

Bojan, Jan, Kris, Jure and Nace were on Radio Celje to talk about the new single ‘Bluza’ and the new album.

Get a taste of the interview in our trailer:

and watch the full video with English subtitles on their Youtube channel:

Transcript and translation by drumbeat and @chaosofsmarty, review and subtitles by @kurooscoffee, proofread by X klámstrákur.

Accompanying article translated by IG 10_anja, reviewed by @weolucbasu, proof read by @flowerlotus8.

You can read the accompanying article and find the ENG SUB video, as well as the whole conversation in transcript form, under the cut.

What do JOKER OUT, bras and ikebanas have in common?

(Article posted on radiocelje.si website on the 24th of October 2024).

Joker out are announcing the release of their third studio album 'Souvenier Pop'!

At Jutranji ritem (Morning Rhythm) on Radio Celje we were visited by the members of the Slovenian band Joker Out - Bojan, Kris, Jan, Nace and Jure. The boys, who won the hearts of Slovenian and foreign fans with their unique style and energy, shared with us their interesting stories and moments from European stages, where they have enthralled at festivals, such as the legendary Sziget.

We talked about the impact that Eurovision had on their further creation, and how their dreams about big stages became a reality. They unveiled to us some fun adventures from abroad including an unusual moment in Finland that made one of their hits go viral.

You can hear what do they have in common with bras and ikebanas in the video.

On the 15th of November we are expecting their new album 'Souvenir Pop', which will offer musical hits in Slovene, Serbo-Croatian and English alike. In the capital city there are also two concerts scheduled with the release of the new album. You can also hear their new song 'Bluza' on Radio Celje.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

📝Video Transcript:

Host: With us today are Bojan, Kris, Nace, Jure, and Jan, the most popular Slovenian band, Joker Out. Welcome to Radio Celje.

Joker Out: Hi! Hello! Hey, hey, hey!

Bojan: Thank you very much!

I knew it, I said it wrong. You’re not the most popular Slovenian band…

Bojan: Absolutely, yes.

…but European band. A band known world-wide.

Joker Out: Wooow.

Now tell me, did Eurovision leave an impression?

Jure: No.

Bojan: Eh, no, nothing much, really, I think. Eurovision really made the 180 degree turn for us. Before it, we didn’t have any concerts abroad, or we played a concert in Croatia but for a Slovenian audience. Eurovision has brought us the opportunity to suddenly be performing all across Europe and we’re performing for foreign audiences, which is crazy.

Because you’re made for the big stages. At a festival in the middle of Budapest you really caused a stir, right? But you’ve always been dreaming about this stage.

Kris: That’s true. You are talking about the Main stage at Sziget. It’s a stage, for which we always said that if there was one thing we would never be able to achieve in our lives, it was Sziget main stage. I was there for the first time as a listener in 2018, watching all of my favourite artists up there and it was… I tried to imagine what it was like to look at the crowd from the other side, but I just couldn’t. Now I know what it’s like. And it’s quite a weird feeling. Still.

Weird?

Kris: Good, but weird. It’s never the way you imagine it.

Cool, we’re really happy that we caught you in our area, too, because you, you don’t stop. You’re a Band with a capital B. You travel…

Bojan: Just superlatives.

Yeah, just superlatives. You weren’t just in Budapest. You were also in Romania, in Slovakia. Where have you been and where else are you going?

Bojan: We’ve been to Finland, Poland, Great Britain, and Spain the most.

Kris: The Netherlands.

Bojan: In the Netherlands. We were in Lithuania twice, once in Latvia, once in Estonia.

Kris: Six times in Germany.

Bojan: Six times in Germany, three times in Sweden.

Jan: Have you said Great Britain and Ireland? Belgium, Croatia, Serbia, Macedonia.

Bojan: Croatia absolutely.

Nace: Italy.

Bojan: Macedonia.

Kris: We’ll name all the countries in the EU now.

Jure: Yes.

Kris: Every single country.

Bojan: Austria.

Jan: You’ve said Norway and Sweden?

Alright, alright.

Bojan: No, I didn’t, Norway, well, I’ve mentioned Sweden.

And you also mentioned Finland.

Bojan: Finland, I did.

We heard something unexpected happened in Finland, which affected your recognisability. Actually, how viral one of your hits went.

Bojan: Yes! Okay, that was quite the genius moment. Namely, I finished ‘Šta bih ja’ before the Stockholm concert. No, what am I saying, sorry, in Helsinki and I wasn’t 1000% sure I’d sing the chorus correctly, so I wrote it on a piece of paper, in a big font, and gave it to our technician Kiki, and asked if he could please stick it onto the front monitor speaker so that I could look at it. And I asked him 35 times. “Did you stick it on?” “I stuck it on.” “Okay, great.” I get on stage, darn, I can’t see the paper anywhere. I look at the monitor on the left, the one on the right, nothing. I’m checking, if he might’ve mixed it up and hung it on a speaker somewhere, the sheet is nowhere to be found. And two songs before 'Šta bih ja’, I step to the very front part of the stageand I look down, and I see that when the champ hung it up, he did it on the other side of the monitor, so the audience was reading the lyrics, not so I could see it. And then what happened? People thought it was on purpose, a 'sing along’ moment, karaoke. Everyone took pictures, filmed it, posted it online, the lyrics of a new song that was yet to come out. Anyway, we finished the concert. I remember we ran to the van from backstage, I opened my phone, and the lyrics were already on Genius. So, all the lyrics were already written out: the original, in Serbian, translated into English, and it was an hour after the concert ended. And from that concert on, already the very next day, because we performed in Helsinki again the next day, the whole crowd was already singing the song. It was crazy. It went viral on TikTok, totally, so Kiki, hats off to you. Of course, because I looked at that and told Kiki, “Give me my lyrics back.” and it was so much worse, because Kiki then took off the lyrics in front of everyone and put it on the correct side of the monitor, so I was able to read it.

Kris: You know, the craziest part about it to me is that the Finns, because the crowd was majority Finnish, they realised the lyrics were in Serbian, that it was something they hadn’t heard from us yet. To me that’s, you know…

Bojan: Yeah, of course.

Kris: Imagine you read something in Finnish, how will you know it’s something you haven’t read yet, or heard?

Bojan: Well, if it’s not… ♪ Rankka viikko ja paljon pitkii päiviä takan ♪

Kris: Yeah, yeah. That’s just, that’s so crazy to me.

Jan: It’s actually funny, that some fan probably knew the lyrics to the song before you did. No.

Bojan: It’s definitely possible.

Jan: It wouldn’t be impossible.

Kris: It’s not impossible.

You have tons of fans, what is the most unbelievable, or most awesome thing that a fan did for you?

Bojan: There’s a lot of things like that.

Jure: I think about those hoodies we got.

Jure: Those were nice. Everyone got their own hoodie.

Kris: In their own color.

Jure: Their own color, I just know I had Captain Maček written in the front here and SSF airlines in the back.

Bojan: Everyone got an embroidered, hand embroidered, signature, what’s the word…

Kris: Personalised.

Bojan: A personalised shirt.

Nace: Although, among all of these fan gifts, the most beautiful was the one in Stožice, where the fans had planned amongst themselves, and before the concert, they handed out these colorful triangles with instructions to to put it over the phone flashlight during 'Novi val’. And suddenly, the whole arena was in colorful lights.

Jure: And we didn’t know that.

Bojan: It was, it was… Amazing. Because we, I remember, that when 'Novi val’ started, the whole arena lit up in colorful lights and then we got off stage and started asking everyone in the crew who did it, because it’s a massive project, to hand 12,000 people colorful lights, which we thought they did. And really, it was the fans, walking around before the concert, and handing out these papers actually, and the instructions to put these ligh… I mean, there’s been a lot of these beautiful fan projects. With 'Metulji’ they made paper butterflies and handed them out, so everyone lifted their butterflies up. And that was also abroad.

Jan: In Warsaw.

Bojan: It happened in Warsaw. I mean, we have awesome fan projects, we have this group, Joker Out Subs, which is a group of fans that actually, in already a very organised way, translate all the Slovenian content into, Idon’t know, dozens of languages, worldwide. And they actually go online, find the interviews, conversations, guest appearances in shows, whatever, and they spring into action. And in a couple of days it's… I’m also sure that… It’s not impossible that this interview, for example, will be translated into 10 or 15 languages with subtitles.

What was an unusual, wild thing, that you got on stage during a concert? And let’s not say just bras, now.

Bojan: A bottle of blueberry liquor… To the knee.

Jure: …to the knee.

Bojan: That was still… That was…

Jure: But years ago.

Bojan: …in Žiri. It happened in Žiri.

Bojan: Our bassist was hit by a bottle of blueberry liquor which is a lot better than the hammer that hit the previous band. I’ll never forget that.

Jure: Or was it an axe?

Bojan: Axe, hammer, something, I mean, bizarre. I got an ikebana. And that was awesome. I think I’ve already told this story. But that happened because a guy, from the middle of the tent, in Koper, if I’m not mistaken, held up that ikebana and pushed through the crowd and everyone was getting out of his way and he got to the front rows and gave me that ikebana.

Now, I won’t ask about which performance was most memorable because there’s probably so many that you wouldn’t know or be able to pick one out. So I picked one. And I’m interested in how it came to be that Ringo Starr’s grandson joined you on stage?

Bojan: Yeah, we met him in a pub, like how I’d assume, in London, you meet many people casually. And he’s really an awesome guy. We clicked immediately, his name is Louis. A great drummer, he also has his own band. Anyway, when we were talking about what to do at Shepherd’s Bush, which is a truly eminent venue in London, we kind of said, darn, it would be nice if someone could join us on stage, and that it’s casual, natural. So we asked Louis if he’d jump on stage. He said: “Yeah, let me get on with a tambourine.” So he happily hopped on stage, tambourine-d his part and went on his way.

Kris: They even had a drum battle.

Bojan: Even a drum battle, dude.

Kris: Percussion, percussion drum battle I’d say.

Bojan: On the congas.

Today, we’ll hear your new song, 'Bluza’. I got asked by a fan of yours, a friend of mine, to ask you if it’s conjugated correctly, this word, 'bluza’. Because in the song, Bojan says: “Noćas ti si moja muza, ja u ritmu tvoga BLUZA ću da plešem bez prestanka.” How’d you land on that?

Bojan: Yes. So the word “bluza” isn’t even connected to a blouse, like a shirt, a piece of clothing. “Bluz” (blues) is just blues as a musical genre.

Okay. Honestly, I don’t know, this whole time we’ve been… Was the name of the song a somehow natural progression from “bluza, bluza”, or what?

Kris: Yeah, it was muza bluza (blues muse).

Jure: I think it was “muza” (muse).

Bojan: It was “muza”, it was “muza”. Then we settled on “bluza”, so yeah, kind of a silly name if you think about it, but…

Kris: It doesn’t make sense, but somehow it makes sense.

But it’s cool, because you ask, right, what’s the point, really?

Bojan: Who or what is “bluza”?

Who among you is the laziest?

Bojan: Nobody in the band is lazy, definitely, as a personality trait, nobody’s lazy. But I feel like we all have these particular moments when everyone, how should I say… You know, when you have a phase, when it hits you, and then you’re the most… Personally, when everything gets too hard, I’d… I’m the laziest then. But like, I choose to be the laziest, because I just don’t want to, I refuse to move.

Jure: I could say just the opposite. I know Kris is the least lazy, or even when he should be lazy, he can’t be lazy, I believe.

Bojan: That’s for sure. Kris is a walking Excel timetable.

If you had to pick someone, and send him to a quiz show, I don’t know, “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.” Who would you pick, who’s the smartest?

Kris: It’s not about smarts, it’s more like who has the most knowledge, in my opinion.

Knowledgeable. Yeah, exactly.

Kris: I wouldn’t pick myself, for sure.

Jure: The Millionaire?

Kris: I bet Jan would know the answers.

Nace: Yeah, I’m leaning towards Jan as well.

Jure: I think I’d rely on luck.

Kris: I think I’d ask the audience for help. Jan would take his time to answer the question, but the answer would be correct, I think.

Jan: Why wouldn’t you pick yourself? I can totally see you.

Who’s the best cook?

Bojan: Jan.

Kris: Yes.

Jan: Or Jure.

Kris: Jure too, especially if it’s a barbecue, Jure. If it’s more like kitchen stuff, some risotto or pasta, I’d trust Jan.

Nace: But we’re all pretty decent cooks, to be fair. None of us…

Bojan: None of us would leave anyone hungry, let’s put it that way.

Jure: We love to cook and eat our own food.

November 15th?

Jure: A new cooking show.

Nace: Cooking with Jokers!

Bojan: On November 15th, our third studio album comes out, called 'Souvenir Pop’. It’s our third studio album, and fourth album overall, because last year we released the Live album from Stožice. This album will have ten songs, four of which you’ve already heard, which are 'Carpe Diem’, 'Everybody’s Waiting’, 'Šta bih ja’, and Bluza.’ So the remaining six are a mystery, for now. It’s an interesting album, we see it as a collection of memories from the last year and a half that we’ve gathered. And just like places and people are different, and everything else we’ve seen is different, the songs are different as well, so it’s a really diverse album, without, I’d say, a prominent common thread. There are three languages on it, Slovenian, Serbian, and English, so it’s really colourful.

This will be a perfect Christmas gift or for the New Year.

Bojan: Yeah, exactly, exactly. For Christmas, you should all be singing this instead of ‘Last Christmas.’

A music video tomorrow? On Friday?

Joker Out: Yes.

Kris: Yes, it’s true, the video is coming out for the single ‘Bluza,’ which has been released three weeks ago already, but we decided it deserves a music video as well, and we took a little more time, but I think we really put in the effort, and made a really unique video, something you haven’t seen from us yet, you haven’t seen anything remotely similar from us, and I doubt you’ll see anything like it again. And we have some cool hidden guests, in the video, well, for now they’re still hidden.

It will also be pinned on radiocelje.si. Bojan, Kris, Nace, Jure, Jan - Joker Out, thank you for visiting Radio Celje.

Bojan: Yes, first of all, on behalf of all of us, thank you for the invitation. We hope to be back soon, or as soon as possible. Take care, and stay safe!

[beelearnsfinnish]

[01.11.24, friday]

had a really nice studying day today!! i had my first finnish class after almost three weeks and it went pretty well, started learning about postpostions which imo are quite important and needed them to start expressing myself better, and the vibes were just very nice, had some good laughs and practiced some listening and reading out loud!

didn't have time to do anything besides the class and the little half hour revision i did before it, i have two big papers to turn in on tuesday that are eating me alive, so that's what i'll be doing whole weekend. hopefully i'll survive :'D

little photo of one of my walks around my bf's place in Finland, I stg if i lived there i would be going for walks all the time (when it's not freezing ofc). im still obsessed and will be posting pics from my walks until i run out of them haha.

hyvää viikonloppua, have nice weekend! 🍁

[therealvinelle]

What does Norway think of the us

Far too many things for me to begin to cover in a tumblr post.

Suffice to say: we arguably owe our welfare and current standing in the world and inarguably our liberty as a nation to the US. This has shaped our domestic and foreign policies for the past 80 years, and we are currently breathing into a paper bag about the fact that Uncle Sam is talking about breaking up with us.

Also beware, there are matters in this post which are a matter of political opinion (rare for this blog, I know), and there are nightmareishly long paragraphs in here, so read at own risk and sorry about the long paragraphs.

Readmore for length and in case I need to make edits.

Norway, the war, and the Marshall Help

Imagine: your country is invaded by Nazis in 1940, and remains occupied for five years. When you are liberated, your country's gold reserve is depleted, many places bombed, and the entirety of Northern Norway is so badly ravaged that the population is evacuated and the region deemed uninhabitable (you'll notice, today, the architecture up north is new. All of it.). To say nothing of the human toll: one third of our Jewish population was slaughtered in Auschwitz, the country is littered in war memorials and tombstones of men shot or otherwise killed by Germans, and every family has at least one wartime story.

(I will take a note to say that it's our own occupation that comes to mind when I see the war and genocide happening in Ukraine. The differences are many, but the shared horror of an invasion, the fact that this happens on European mainland and is perpetrated by a country we share a border with, makes it feel extremely close. More, if Ukraine loses... I'll get into that further below, but suffice to say "Norway's defense budget" these days is labelled "Ukraine aid")

What are you going to do when peace comes, and the time to rebuild is upon you? Well, it so happens the rest of Europe is asking itself that same question, and the United States meanwhile sees an opportunity to both help its allies, strengthen our bonds so that we'll be on the same side for the foreseeable future, and weaken the communist sympathies in Europe. It's a win-win type of deal, and so the Marshall aid is launched: billions of dollars ($13 billion then, $178 adjusted for inflation) are poured into Europe, bolstering the post-war economy and allowing the countries which accepted (all of Western Europe, save Spain and Finland. Eastern Europe and the Soviet Union declined as well.) to get back to their feet much sooner.

It's in this context that Norway's government's plans of a welfare society were possible to realize. Perhaps we would have managed it anyway, but the historically recorded fact is we did it with the help of the USA.

Then there's NATO, that beautiful response to not only the Eastern threat, but to the naivety that had reigned prior to World War II. Hitler had... helped himself... to increasing chunks of Europe, and country leaders kept saying "Well I don't want war, and I'm sure he'll be satisfied after that. Oh no, he invaded Poland?! Oh well I'm sure he'll be satisfied with- oh no, he's entered France!"

NATO means "Invade one, you fight us all", and while it may have come to mean "one invades Afghanistan, so now I guess we're all going" and even "boy Ukraine is having it rough huh. But we can't do anything without getting NATO involved, and that'll launch a new world war :/", and de facto "if NATO ever acts against Russia that will be world war three. Hang on, what's NATO for then?", NATO at its core still means "I am in NATO, so Uncle Sam will protect me. :)"

Which makes countries like Norway feel very safe. And, I cannot overemphasize, is why we've felt safe for the past 70+ years.

Which brings us to the next section.

That border. That border!!

If you look at a map of Norway, you'll see a long and happy border to Sweden. There has been much discourse (and war, war, war) over that border, I for one still think it would be nice if they gave us back Bohuslän, but overall we are very close and good allies.

Look a little further up, however. Yes, past the border to Finland.

Is that...

(photo credit)

Oh no, it's Russia!

This hasn't always been an oh no. We lived peacefully side by side frankly always, and the Soviets liberated Finnmark from the Nazis which was wonderful of them. Then Norway accepted the Marshall Aid, however, and while our governing party had had strong communist sympathies prior to the war (and after...) this cemented our ties to the United States. Our side in the Cold War had been chosen.

Border relations with Russia have been good, they have had to be good, but NATO was our safety and security during a very tense period of time. (This comedy skit is very funny but... kind of true... as does the entire Whaledimir debacle (adorable whale charmed the country, but was Whaledimir a Russian spy? Somehow, the answer appears to be yes.) The Russo-Ukrainian war has made relations historically bad, however. (Norwegian news article on the topic, if you feel like translating.)

Where am I going with this?

Norway has a shared border with Russia. Norway would not be capable of defending Finnmark if Russia invaded from the shared border, and having Sweden and Finland join NATO makes us feel better but the defense strategy has still been (and remains) "we defend what we can until US reinforcements arrive". One of the sexiest things the US has done this year was send a massive war ship sailing into our waters, just to say hello and show off their presence. MUCH APPRECIATED.

And, again, this might seem very remote and like the plot of a bad political thriller to the cursory anon and even to many Norwegians, but we were invaded in the last century, we have a shared border, a strategically important coastline and a lot of natural resources (oil!), and should Ukraine (god forbid) lose the war, the question will be this: what does Russia do next? What, specifically, does NATO and the US do if Putin for instance decides to take Svalbard? Is anyone risking nuclear war over Svalbard? What about Finmark? What about cyber attacks, underwater cable att- oh wait there were two underwater cables cut open yesterday.

Gee, that's not worrying at all.

In summation

America is a very important trade partner, and the cultural and political influence you have on us (on all of Europe, really) is immense. I imagine most asked would focus on that, especially on Norway's thoughts on the election, but you asked me and so you get my answer. Your election was a sports match to us (or at least covered by media and social media like one).

I will say this: Trump's first victory had us worried, and we have spent more on defense since then, but his second victory proves the first was not a fluke and the United States is shifting away from us. This is not something we can influence, as it is the will of the American people (or at the very least what they voted for), what we must do is adapt. I, a lifelong opponent to Norway joining the European Union, now see no other way if Norway is to prosper (though the EU also needs a major makeover to survive now, on our own without the US we are all shaking in our knees here in Europe). Likewise, to paraphrase a very good op-ed, Norway's national security neither can depend on a few undecided voters in Wisconsin who aren't thinking about Europe or Norway at all, nor should it.

We have been too dependent on the United States, this has been mutually beneficial and if it was up to us, this wouldn't change (I am now ignoring a faction on the far left which has been saying "Guys, I have a great idea: we should leave NATO :)" and another faction on the far right which is so eager to please Trump-senpai they think Norway is supporting Ukraine's effort because we're stupid), sadly it seems the US wants it to change.

We shall see what happens.

[alexiaputellasera]

You can find my writings on wattpad.

Rehab Chapter One.

Every professional female athlete knows that sound, the agonising cry from a team mate who is now sprawled across the floor clutching their knee tears streaming down their face. Trainers and physios running from every angle with concern warped on their faces.

July 2022, London England.

The Spanish women's national team are training for the euros to start in just one day when an agonising howl is heard in the penalty area of a shooting drill.

The players look over to see Alexia Putellas their countries hero laying on the floor in floods of tears. Physios immediately surround her calming her down and start what is known as a Lachman test to see the integrity of the anterior cruciate ligament followed by a shake of the head towards the teams national manager.

Team mates have now made their way over to Alexia who is heard telling staff, "I felt it pop, no one touched me I was shooting" her eyes brimmed with tears. She knew, she knew her tournament was over with one day remaining before their journey was to begin.

Staff assisted her up and immediately took her to the medical room, she was closely followed by Mapi her best friend who held her hand whilst they conducted further testing.

Her knee now swollen where the blood has rushed to the joint in a reaction to the injury and now rapidly mobility was getting stiffer by the minute. Crutches were now being passed to her by the medical staff and a van was waiting to collect her to return to the team hotel where she was currently staying.

Alexia was a shell of herself from just hours ago, barely speaking a word. Team mates arriving constantly to just pop in and say hello to let her know they were thinking about her.

Hours later after they got the news her mother and Alba arrived by her side, this is when the Spanish midfielder really broke down. She had just had the season of her life and was determined to win the euros after all the pain and suffering the national team squad had faced this was just another reason she should never of caved and come back to join up with her team. She should have listened to the doubt in her head.

Sleep was difficult she had her knee propped up under some pillows and had yet to hear from her girlfriend who was let know by Mapi what had happened earlier.

3am rolls around and she receives a FaceTime call from her seemingly drunk girlfriend who doesn't even mention the injury just that she wishes she was here to take care of her and that she missed sex. Alexia didn't usually mind these calls but not today she needed her on a less physical level and more of an emotional level. The FaceTime was ended by Alexia after her girlfriend Olga had crashed out on the bed at their home in Barcelona leaving Alexia to hang up feeling worse than she already did.

She had texted her manager Jona declaring she was 'done with football and to buy a new midfielder'. At this moment in time she was done, she didn't want to conquer that steep mountain of rehab and hard work and that same question had repeatedly popped into her head 'why me?'.

Alexia woke with puffy eyes and a ringing head, today was game day and she was going to watch before flying back to Barcelona for the big operation and to start the recovery process.

Grabbing the crutches and already struggling with it she threw her legs over the side of the bed and got up to get ready for the day. A small knock on her door and it opening slowly because heavens forbid they would be allowed to lock their door on international duty  and Mapi appeared with a small pitiful smile on her face.

"Bon dia hermana are you ready for breakfast?".

"Si" was all that came out of Alexias mouth before she moved slowly over to the wardrobe to grab some Spain gear and joined Mapi in the elevator.

Spain would play Finland today in their opening match and were one of the favourites to win the entire tournament, breakfast was full of loud noise everyone ready for the opening game.

Alexia was joined by Jenni and Misa two of her close friends on the team who didn't really know what to say so tried to act as normal as they could but she didn't laugh instead she sat there quietly sipping away at her coffee and barely touching her eggs.

The girls all got on the coach and made their way to the stadium, Alexia sat near the front tears now brimming she could hear everyone getting into game mode and that broke her heart even more. She shoved her AirPods in and listened to some music looking out the window watching them travel through the English city.

Sat pitch side was horrible, the game was frustrating a lot harder than it really should have been, the injury of Alexia seemingly stuck in the other athletes heads. Aitana scored and dedicated her goal to Alexia who loved the sentiment although it made her sadder than she had ever been before.

After the game Alexia went straight to her room not wanting to join in the celebrations for a win she didn't even participate in.

After what felt like an eternity she fell asleep knowing tomorrow she would fly home and start the next processes in her recovery knowing an operation was imminent.

Morning came and went and Alexia said goodbye to all of her team mates, they were sad to see her leave but sadder because of her injury most of them embracing her for longer than normal. The athletes did not want to be left with the Spanish federation without their loyal captain to protect and guide them, she was like their secret manager they mainly listened to what she said and not the idiot that was Jorge Vilda and his stupid arse.

The flight was a mere 2 hours long and Alexia fell asleep in pure exhaustion. She was met by her mother and Alba at the airport who could see their loved one was deeply hurting but hurried her into their car after they saw journalists spot her and would begin to hound her knowing her mental state was vulnerable they got her safely away.

Back at her home Alexia laid on the sofa hands over her face whilst for the first time she truly broke down, her mother held her and Alba whispered positivity into her ear, completely falling on deaf ears.

The front door opened and Olga arrived by Alexias side bringing her into a deep hug "how are we feeling Bebe?".

"Like shit Olga".

Olga screwed her face up at the comment and Alexia immediately apologised "lo siento mi amor I'm just frustrated".

Olga smiled and kissed her forehead, usually Alexia likes this sign of affection but not today, Olga hadn't bothered to contact her this was the first time she had asked her because she was too busy out partying at her club.

The tension in the room was thick, Alexia asked if she would join her at the hospital tomorrow to which Olga declined saying she had an important meeting. Alexia felt her stomach drop, she had deep feelings for this girl it wasn't quite love yet but while Olga loved her in a physical manner it wasn't matched by the level of manner that Alexia distributed towards her, hence the heavy imbalance in the relationship.

"We're coming carino" Eli gestures towards her and Alba. Alexia smiled at the words and flicked the tv on to watch yesterdays match, hell if she couldn't play she sure was going to analyse the shit out of it.

The day went slowly, the anticipation building up for tomorrow and the new fear setting in that she wouldn't be anywhere near as good as before.

Olga had already made dinner plans with her friends so Alexia was left alone for the evening to fight the fight that was now going on in her head. Moving about the apartment was difficult the crutches kept catching on everything and this made Alexia angrier by the second, in the end she resided to her bed defeated and sad about the position she was currently in.

Messages worldwide were now streaming in to support the captain and she had several missed calls from the Barcelona higher ups including her team manager Jona who had assured her everything was going to be fine and that he could never replace her. She snorted at that last comment and slammed her phone down on the side, knowing she was mentally done today she gave up and fell asleep.

Morning came and Alexia was a bundle of nerves, Olgas arms draped over her chest. She didn't even hear the Madrid girl come home last night she must of been exhausted.

Today was the day she would have her left knee operated on, she got up and made herself busy, making coffee and bringing Olga tablets and a fresh bottle of water for what she presumed would be a hangover any minute now.

Sitting at the kitchen counter drinking her coffee Olga emerged from her pit kissing her girlfriend good morning and pouring herself some fresh coffee.

"Good morning Bonita are you ready for today?".

"Si Bebe I'm nervous" Alexia had a tear in her eye but Olga didn't notice she was too busy replying to a text from her friends. "You will be fine Bonita and I'll be here to look after you" she kissed Alexias lips and made her way to the bathroom to shower for her day ahead.

A hard lump in her throat Alexia half knew that Olga wasn't going to be the one she needed to do this recovery process with, leaving Alexia ready to quit the game she loved altogether.

An hour later Alexias mother and sister arrived to take her to the hospital, once there a lot of different people spoke to her she didn't absorb any of that information and luckily her mother was paying attention.

As they prepped her for surgery that's when she became emotional, her mother holding her hand and kissing her, her sister calmly stroking her face but also visibly upset because her sister was hurt. Doctors entered the room all talking in fast Spanish and drawing lines on the areas that surrounded her knee ready for the operation.

As the medication kicked in Alexia started to relax and then everything went black.

As she opened her eyes there was a slight twinge in her left knee, she was still hooked up to the machines. Her mother was asleep holding her hand and Alba was in the corner sat on her phone waiting for the midfielder ti wake up.

"Ale!" Alba squealed coming over to hug her, Eli woke up at this noise and gently kissed her daughters hands receiving a small smile from her eldest daughter.

"How are you feeling?" Eli asked quizzically.

"Okay, but I'm guessing that's the drugs talking" they all laughed at that comment.

"Did it go okay?".

"Si we believe so carino, we will know more in the next few days".

Alexia felt the panic lower from her chest taking in a deep breath, she knew the road to recovery was going to take maybe over a year and that was incredibly daunting for her. Because of the length of time and also because she wasn't sure if it was what she wanted right now, she felt very lost in that moment.

Alexia was a pioneer for women's football and had fought tooth and nail to be the very best in the game and the hard work had come in many trophies and adoring fans recognising her efforts and achievements. Where did she go from here?

Alexia is discharged from hospital and returns home, Olga is now back trying to make small talk but getting nothing in response, Alexia didn't want to talk, talking would not help the situation she was in right now. She was ready to give it all up and disappear away from prying eyes and away from everyone she felt she had let down by sustaining this injury. She looked at her knee in anger the same left leg that had given her the life she had giving out on her before one of the biggest tournaments of her life.

Not giving any kind of response Olga decided she would go out and in such a decline in their relationship would begin. Olga had never been a supportive girlfriend as such she was also headstrong like Alexia and was on her own path. She was rarely at a game due to her own commitments and usually Alexia didn't mind as the sex made up for it. But now as much as she kept pushing Olga away she needed her right now.

A week passed and no one has heard from the Catalan star, Olga hasn't updated anyone probably because she hasn't been around. Alexia choosing to ignore all contact and wallow in self pity over her injury. But the timing of this injury and where she was right now was crucial as she had to began her rehab to progress to the next step but she hadn't she had locked herself away and laid on the couch all week watching crappy television and watching her team lose to Germany much to her annoyance.

At the end of week one she is ready to give it all up her knee was stiff and sore and she was rapidly losing muscle. Olga was almost a figment of her imagination going out for dinner and coming home at all hours of the morning. She had also tried to initiate some physical connection but was rejected by Alexia who felt like a failure at the moment in that department.

Barcelona staff and her mother and sister were worried sick and together they joined and came up with some kind of solution that could possibly pull her out of her slump and put her back on the right path.

It was early Thursday morning when there was a loud knock on Alexias door, Alexia used her crutches to steady herself and made her way over. Opening the door she was met by a face she did not recognise, but this women was wearing a Barcelona muscle top and shorts so she must of been sent by the club.

"Hola Alexia I'm Jay I've been sent by the club to help start processing your rehab".

"No" was all that came out of the captains mouth and she began to close the door before a foot stopped it and Jay slid past her and made her way into her home.

"Wait a minute you can't just..".

"Alexia with all due respect I've been sent by the club and you have a contract to uphold which includes major injuries and rehabilitation".

Alexia was stunned at this women's abruptness, Jay or what she had referred to herself as was quietly looking around the apartment taking it all in. Alexia took the moment to graze her eyes over the women, she was English based on her accent, quite tall about 5 foot 9 Alexia would say, tanned skin with tattoos clearly on show, long blonde hair, very blue eyes and very muscular. If Alexia wasn't so pissed or in the situation she was in she probably would have brought the girl a drink.

"Jay is it? I don't need help.. I'm fine here thank you I'll make contact with the club when you leave" Jay laughed which immediately pissed Alexia off.

"Alexia, the club has been trying to contact you I'm your last resort. But I will take care of all your rehabilitation and nutrition to help you get back to wherever you want to be".

Alexia scoffed and rolled her eyes, Jay caught this immediately "problem?".

"You are my problem now get out of my home" Alexia scolded.

"No" was the answer and a smile appeared before she rudely went and sat in Alexias living room.

Alexia hobbled behind her ready to engage in any kind of war she could but she stumbled bringing Jay immediately to her feet and over to assist Alexia. Jays warm hands came to Alexias waist to stabilise her and for a second their eyes made contact before Alexia came to her senses pushing the Barca staff member off of her.

Sitting down Alexia asked why she had never seen her before at Barca. "I've been brought in just for you, they know you are struggling and I want to help, so let's begin".

The interaction was interrupted by the door opening and closing, Olga appeared and spotted Jay on the sofa but wasn't concerned due to her attire but she didn't take a moment to rake her eyes over the girl.

"Hola" leaning down to shake Jays hand who reciprocated the gesture.

Jay went on to explain why she was there but could tell Olga wasn't really interested making small talk and announced that she would be going out for dinner with her friends causing Alexia to roll her eyes, Jay caught this interaction and could see this relationship wasn't working but it was not her place to overstep.

"Alexia do you have any questions for me?" Jay asks trying to interrupt the tension that has settled amongst her and Olga.

"Nope" Alexia replies bluntly.

"Great here is my number, I will see you tomorrow at 9am. We've got a lot to do" passing over her card which Alexia took sharply huffing in the process.

"Alexia you can call me anytime I live just over there" pointing to an apartment Alexia could see over the street. Alexia nodded and closed the door behind Jay.

Jay immediately went to Eli's house and informed her of her concerns for Alexias wellbeing. Alba arrived and bit her lip when she saw Jay a face Jay grinned at because Alba had a reputation about her. One Jay did not plan on indulging in because she took her job seriously and unbeknown to Alexia she was a huge fan of hers following her journey for years after hers had ended.

Jay left Eli's and went back to her own place looking up at Alexias window as she arrived. Weirdly their apartments were dead opposite each other both having the penthouses but she didn't know that before today otherwise she probably would have made contact sooner.

Alexia made herself some avocados and eggs and settled on her balcony to eat looking across the city she had loved since as long as she could remember a tear fell down her cheek as she couldn't begin to imagine the amount of work she had to do to get back to where she was.

Jay now back at her apartment had plans for the evening, she was off to the club with her friends for a wind down today was exhausting and she just wanted a drink and a dance with a random girl that didn't mean anything at all.

Olga appeared on the balcony kissing Alexia who didn't really kiss her back and told her where she would be. Alexia nodded and Olga left as quickly as she appeared, she was alone again. Alone with her thoughts.

Several drinks in Jay was starting to let loose, she could dance fairly well and had already been grinding with this younger Spanish girl all night. As she approached the bar she was met by a familiar face she had met earlier that day, "Olga what are you doing here?" "Hola Jay I could ask the same thing".

"Just enjoying my night off, how is Alexia?".

"Same as earlier doesn't talk to me doesn't even look at me" this made Jay feel instantly sad, "she has had a major operation Olga she needs stability and support".

"I've tried she doesn't want it, she doesn't even touch me like she used too, we haven't had sex in over a month".

This announcement surprised Jay, Alexia didn't need sex she needed a shoulder to cry on and a motivator to help her get back on her feet.

Jay was joined at the bar by the girl she had been dancing with who whispered in her ear that she wanted to leave. Jay downed her drink said goodbye to Olga and they both jumped in a taxi to her place.

As soon as she shut the apartment door the girl was on her, flicking the lights on so she could see where she was going and what she was doing.

Meanwhile Alexia hadn't moved from the balcony the food she made earlier was stone cold and she herself was getting colder by the minute.

Lights going on at the apartment over the street caught her eyes and she saw two people kissing against a wall. She smirked at the two before realising it was Jays apartment and then she saw Jay lifting a girl up and carrying her to the next room.

Alexia smiled to herself, she couldn't remember the last time she had been treated like that and then she came to a realisation that it was Jay and actually she wasn't fond of her right now.

Throwing the girl down on the bed she made short work of her orgasms letting her know that she had to be out at 8 as she had work. The girl nodded bringing Jay into another kiss as the pair went at it again.

Morning came and Jay said goodbye to the girl who had stayed the night before and made herself some coffee and breakfast.

Eating it on her balcony, she looked across the street to see Alexia slumped under some blankets on her own balcony fast asleep, not in a good position for her knee. She showered and got dressed and made her way over to Alexias knocking on her door loudly knowing she was on the balcony.

Loud bangs on the door were what woke Alexia up, her stiff knee causing her immediate discomfort as she steadied herself to get herself up before looking at her watch and realising it was 9 am and that it was likely Jay. As she walks through her room she's met by Olga who is still fast asleep the clubs stamp still smudged on her hand from the night before.

The door opened gently, "I need to shower and dress" "that's fine I can wait" as she brought Alexia a fresh cappuccino and walked past her with pastries from the local bakery down the street. Alexia guided her to the living room where she would leave Jay while she showered. Thirty minutes later Alexia appeared with dripping wet hair in the living room as Jay was writing notes on her laptop.

As she shuffled closer causing Jay to look up and make eye contact. Again longer than it should be, Jay looked at Alexia studying her features, her hazel eyes looked sad but were beautiful her dripping wet brown hair was slung over her shoulders and her tanned skin was glowing in the light that entered the apartment.

"Shall we begin?".

[whoisthatmovinginthedark]

Thank you for the tag @strandedchesspiece ! I’ve been travelling these past days too, from Finland to Wales and back again with car, ferry and train.

Reblog with what you did/will do today, and what you’re looking forward to tomorrow!!

I woke up in Katrineholm (Sweden) at 6 in the morning, after sleeping about two hours. Our travel the previous day had several delays, and we only had three hours to spend at our final stop before we needed to continue the journey.

But the morning was glorious, worth getting up early for.

We caught a ferry to take us across the Archipelago Sea, and we should make it home late tonight.

Tomorrow means going back to work, but I look forward to getting back to my routines, and being able to work on some important creative projects I started just before the trip.

Passing the tag to @inashoe @tar-mairons @ameliarating @bienmoreau @ripeteeth and @eohachu if you feel like it!