#what else could i have done?
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A small bird I was trying to save just died in my hands so
#sad! oh well#birds#rip#i put flowers over it and hide it in some grass#a part of me#has now died and will never come back#it bleed out onto my gloves#broke my heart#broke me#broke my brain#broke my fucking heart#i could feel it#breathing#until i couldnt anymore#it was so fragile#it fit perfectly in my hand#and now its dead#it went very still#i know#it was scared#when it died#what else could i have done?#??????????#??? idk#i feel so bad#i hope Persphone treats it better#:(
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Just to give them a chance to actually show up in the tags, here are my aro and ace colored demons.
#the context is that I have been 'repainting' Christmas decoration angels by coloring them with permanent marker#originally these two were white holding golden hearts#what else could I have done?#my art#Pride art#asexual#aromantic#asexual pride#aromantic pride#Christmas Demons
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Columbo and the Knight (1984)
put me in the universe where Columbo ran through the 1980s and had a crossover episode with Knight Rider. I think they deserved it, and I am not just saying that because they're my two favorite Old Shows. @telebeast wrote a little fanfic blurb about it and I HAD to visualize it into a comic (which is also the longest comic I have finished thus far at five pages...), so writing credit goes to them.
Autism W!
#columbo#knight rider#art#michael knight#kitt#comic#highlight reel#crossover#telebeast#there are two small easter eggs here. can you find them. they were somehow not Entirely lost when i resized these for the public#this is what i mean when i say I Draw And It's Everyone Else's Problem. look at my INCREDIBLY niche crossover comic boy#if the knight rider fandom has like 12 people in it. how many of y'all have seen columbo#this comic is for like 4 people and me and phoenix are already two of them#niche is my specialty lets be real. weird niche obscure shit and ships nobody's paid attention to yet#not to suggest this is ship art. columbo has his wife and michael has his car lmfao#stylizing real people is EXTREMELY hard btw sorry for when they get off model. its partly a 'better imperfect than never finished' situatio#cant tell you how much i redrew some of these panels. weeps#this took me 2 weeks but i think i thumbnailed it all in may and the ideas been rollin around in my head since march#is anybody good at editing. please edit michael and columbo into an image together like its a screenshot. NOT generated. edited.#it would be so cool#ive drawn columbo a lot but i haven't drawn a lot of michaels. i was learning things about his outfit AS I WAS DOING THE DAMN#COLORS ON THIS. all the lines done. it was too late to change anything. i did all the lines and colored page by page#i realized my mistakes on like page 3. 1 and 2 were already done. it was Too Late.#imagine it though. them working a case together. switching between the more serious tone of columbo vs the goofier#action antics of michael and kitt. columbo being so impressed by Modern Technology. there's more i could say but phoenix may write#more of this crossover and i don't want to spoil it :'3#there's opportunity here though i swear. there's gold to be dug.#i like how kitt gets shading but columbo's junker peugeot doesn't. kitt looked wrong without any. columbo's car is matte and dirty#i also applied effects to this to make it look a little film-grainy and VHS like. some CRT TV vibes#the only question left is. did they put knight rider into columbo; or columbo into knight rider 🤔
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I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.
It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage...#...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them...#...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent...#...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us...#...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long...#...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL#the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate#be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough#recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage'#i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself#and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was#i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want#don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please#and just... give yourself space
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oh you know it's all latestage capitalism but the thing is. how are you supposed to be a person inside of this. a person trying to be a better version of yourself.
oh, you started working young, which was kind of hard, but it's just the way stuff works sometimes. and it was 2008 and your family couldn't afford heat. but it's fine, you grow a spine and get used to the professional world and besides it was the suburbs we're talking about here, like, your life could have been actually hard, so what if your father lost his job and you can't afford to move or turn the lights back on. and once you start making money, it's good. you keep doing that. because now they're relying on you. so you have to do that.
oh you were in thousands of dollars of debt at 17 years old so that you could go to school, because you have to go to school if you want to get a "real" job. you even did it "right", you worked parttime and attended community college before you transferred to a public school. you were under so many merit scholarships.
which is fine. you pick yourself up and you say like, okay. i graduated college. i'm holding down a job. i'm doing the Adult Thing, which looks and acts like this, according to all the books i've read. you start with the shitty job and then you climb that corporate ladder.
but the shitty job doesn't cover rent and you stretch yourself too-thin so you get sick. good luck with that. the shitty job no longer pays for your meals. everyone asks why you don't just move, but there's nowhere to move to. and with what money are you going to be moving? and then the loans come back, because they were never going to forgive them, because you were 17 and trying to do the right thing, which was stupid. people are now saying you shouldn't have even gone to school.
which is fine. but because you have no other option, so you do the shitty job, and you apply every day for like 5 new ones, and despite the fact everyone says "there's no one who wants to work!" it's actually just that nobody is fucking hiring so you can either work for 13 dollars an hour in the shitty place you know (where at least you have a passingly friendly relationship with the manager) or you can start from scratch again with a different 13 dollars an hour without knowing how much abuse from the new job you'll be taking.
and if you quit you lose your insurance. if you quit you lose your housing. if you quit, you'll be another burnout kid. the lazy ones. these assholes, look at them!
and you come home to a family dinner and you hear from your father the same old thing. how he worked hard at his job and yes it sucked for a while but he was able to provide for the family and then the house and the dog and the rest of barbie's dream vacation. how the insurance did cover some of it. how you just really need to start speaking up more in manager conversations so they know you're a go-getter. you want to tell him - did you know we're actually doing more now hourly than any previous generation? - but you can't remember where you heard that statistic, and you're far too tired for the fucking argument. and then he starts in on his usual bit. where's the house? where's your kids? where's your ambition.
the same job the same money the same hours doesn't do it anymore. the same nose-to-the-grindstone now just shreds your face off. there's no such thing as upwards mobility, not really. and as far as you're aware, the money certainly is not trickling. you do the soulless stupid shit you signed up for because you fucking have to or else you literally risk your life (food, the apartment, the insurance), but it's not getting you anything. you download the stupid "save more" app and you budget and you do every right thing and then the price of eggs is 7 dollars and you say - oh great! another thing i have to fucking worry about now!
and you go to your stupid job and everyone in your father's generation just tells you to be better about being an adult. they have their homes and their savings account and their bailout and they say. well have you tried not drinking starbucks. well your generation just spends too much on clothing. well you might just be too addicted to travelling. and you - because you need the job - you bite your tongue and don't say i am being held prisoner and you're suggesting i stop pacing my cell if i don't like the scenery and you don't say what the fuck do you think i've been doing with my money and you don't say i haven't spent a cent on something nice in literally forever much less coffee you arrogant asshole. you open and close your bank app and check your loans and check your credit score and check fucking zillow and ziprecruiter and apartments.com just one time more. and still they give you that demeaning little grin and say - see, what you need is -
what you need is for your meds to stop being so fucking expensive. what you need is for the housing bubble to explode into dust. what you need is for billionaires to choke on their wealth. what you need is actual help. what you will get is more economic advice from people who are older-and-wiser.
and above you, almost in a glimmer, you can see the wedged smile of your debt getting toothier, wider.
#i hate when people try to tell me i didn't do it right#what should i have done better#i did it ALL the right way#(not that there is a right way)#it's just that others feel comfortable believing that THEY did it the right way and that's how they made money#whereas i must have just committed a sin somewhere in there! i MUST be doing it wrong!!!#and i'm not a victim!!! im simply experiencing consequences!#and im like. where . where. wherewherewherewhere#i graduated top of my class. i was almost the student speaker.#i have always excelled at work and i work hard#i have been working since i was 13#WHERE !!!!! IS MY FUCKING !!!! MONEY!!!!!!#ps please do not make the assumption i am ablebodied or neurotypical.#i am neither of these things.#it DOES get worse if u are either of those things. so fuckin much#but @ the one anon who was like ''u could be X that would be worse u don't know how lucky u are''#.... don't i?#do i need to be luckier than someone else#or is it possible we are BOTH victims?#and that we need to work TOGETHER to resolve it#not just wave it off since it COULD be harder for someone else... it can be true we BOTH deserve better
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Just my drawigs from today cuz I haven’t been finishing anything 😞
#First wesker ive actually finished drawing his face and liked it… idk if the proportions of his face are good I’ll need ti do it again#I mean I THINK lt lookds like him I CANT TELL HE WAS SO HARD TO DRAW 😭 I swear it took longer than the xenomorph o m godd#Speaking of xenomorph I was drawing it for draft in my redident evil au because I have SO MANY IDEAS but I am so slow to execute them X(#I wanted t start wesker‘s au reference cuz I fr am still having issues with Claire and Sherry‘s but i don’t think thatdrawing works for it.#whatever. WHATEVER!#Just thinking aboit alien again the past few days. I seriously could expllode.#I decided am going to get more character references done before I do much else for it cuz I really wanna figure out what I’m doing for thei#Jobs and what their uniforms look like. Then I might do a drawing for birkin‘s g formations but what I am imagining with the pathogen inste#I’m so excited I’m bouncing arounf#Anywasy#resident evil#albert wesker#xenomorph#xenomorph concept#alien franchise#resident evil x alien#resident evil au#my art#my wips
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Day 7: accident
Don’t draw so fast
#a rookie mistake I don’t imagine him making but I don’t know what else I could have done 😅#art#my art#artists on tumblr#original art#my characters#oc#Cardin#goretober#tw blood#tw violence#tw amputation
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Doctor Who S1 (2005) as Penguin Classics
| ->
#doctor who#rose#the end of the world#9th doctor#world war three#aliens of london#the long game#dalek#father's day#the empty child#the doctor dances#the unquiet dead#boom town#bad wolf#the parting of ways#penguin classics#the fact shearman dropped dalek and never wrote for the mainline show ever again is a tragedy#but also he's probably second only to eccleston in making the call to get away from the trainwreck that was s1 production#i know he's done some big finish stuff but imagine what else he could have done for tv
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#.....i don't think this is spoilers considering everything else i've ever done on this tumblr and jess i'm sorry if this was a secret but:#WE'RE BACK BABY#and also:#pray for me#YA GIRL IS ALREADY TIRED#(what you can't see on this schedule is my 8-5 day job)#(or the 10+ hour/week evening/weekend nonprofit job)#someone send coffee and also possibly a time machine#also ALSO i did have a solo recording in late july#but it's different to record with other people!!#i had a moment today where i could FEEL arkady's reaction happening to another character and it was great#i have missed working with my rumor crew a whole heck of a lot#tscosi#ishani speaks
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I'd love to have something witty to say here, but I think this one post speaks for himself in a way no words could.
Originally, I wanted to do a "simple" redraw of a silly meme, I have no idea HOW it eneded up being a four pages comic. And WHY there's also a JOJO reference within of all things. So uhm, anyway...
✨ Sources and references ✨
The "Dilf Detected Comic" [original unedited comic, meme format, meme format if you want the rebloggable tumblr version]
The "Oh? You're Approaching Me?" panel from the manga JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders (chapter 143)
Hope you've liked the Aries™ Rizz©® ok bye
#wren draws stuff#artist on tumblr#art#fanart#comics#saint seiya#saint seiya fanart#knights of the zodiac#los caballeros del zodiaco#cdz#les chevaliers du zodiaque#i cavalieri dello zodiaco#aries mu#taurus aldebaran#appendix kiki#aldemu#aries kiki#taurus harbinger#appendix raki#visually I had this drawing sitting on my desktop since August in a folder named “Aries_RIZZ_2024”#what else to say. First 2 images kinda ate with colors and backgrounds fr. WE'RE GOING PINK BOIZ (I thought I was a pastel blue person 😞😖)#tbh this is the first time I'm drawing Harbinger 💖 he's so silly I love him. Also he's like... meme material... I have to meme redraw him#also the jojo part eh. I think I could have done better but I didn't want to change the iconic pose too much and I end up like that#not bad but I think I could've add my own twist to it instead of simply copying it :/ next time I guess#or maybe spending less time adding 300 flames overlay effects hmm... I don't know really😬🤯#also raki my beloved 🥰💖 might draw her a bit more (she's funny to draw and I'm tired of drawing only men)#Also yes Mu is trying super hard to rizz poor Alde 😳 Kiki tried the same with Harbinger#but he slept for most of the original Aries Rizz Class. Kids these days don't have attention span anymore 🙄🙄🙄 (boomer humour or whatever)
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for our purposes the creature is a hound and/or fox
#machineries of empire#the idea was to make vision boards but i saw all these moths#what else could i have done#shuos jedao#nirai kujen
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I've been following @druidposting's DR2 playthrough on discord and we just had a really good discussion about DR's Closing Arguments. Specifically the way the murderer is depicted as grey and featureless, which until now I found a bit annoying.
In Danganronpa it's repeatedly the case that we don't have the full picture until the talking actually stops- which always goes beyond the end of the trial. We generally vote first and come to understand what the murderer's actual motive was, sometimes filling in important pieces of the timeline in the process, afterwards.
But none of that matters for the killing game because characters' emotions aren't directly relevant to who was the 'blackened'- the only thing that matters to Monokuma- so it comes out afterwards and does nothing to change their execution. It doesn't matter how sympathetic they are (basically everyone) or whether other people share responsibility for the situation (eg. Hanamura, Pekoyama, Momota) or whether they intended to murder at all (Nanami). They objectively pulled the trigger and nothing else matters. Nothing about them as a person matters.
The Closing Argument mechanic might illustrate that problem- literally. They're a dramatic, conclusive summary of the entire case... constructed before the vote even happens, before we know if we're actually right, and they're missing something really important:
The actual perpetrator.
We quite literally don't even begin to see the real person behind the crime, any real exploration of their mental state, anything besides the cold, hard facts of the murder that are necessary to convict them, until the comic finishes and the protagonist makes their final accusation- replacing the grey figure with their real appearance in a shot that's often intensely emotional.
And these comics lack crucial parts of the case's timeline and sometimes important parts of the very scenes they depict that we only find out about afterwards. And those are what we know; characters may die with some pieces of the truth and prevent us from ever learning them. These aren't objective depictions of the murder, they're the protagonist's subjective attempt to connect the facts they have. A join-the-dots portrait of someone with missing dots and no colour.
Even characters' expressions may not match how they truly feel, with the grey placeholder potentially looking way more confident and sinister than they were in reality. Pasting Falter's commentary here since they put it well.
For obvious reasons this could especially be a problem for characters that die before the trial- the ones we never get a post-vote testimony from. DR1 chapter 4 really highlighted that in the way Asahina's huge misinterpretation of Oogami's feelings took up a lot of the post-trial discussion, only for Monokuma to reveal Oogami's real suicide note and recontextualise everything.
It might really be a problem for how Komaeda's depicted in DR2 chapter 5. While he isn't greyed out, we get panel after panel where he's either level-headed or maniacally evil, and even the depictions of his self-torture and death don't humanise him:
But we know that his real feelings were more complicated than that. We have his actual corpse to compare the last page to.
He died afraid.
If we approach the comic as Hinata's mental image of him instead of reality, he died without anyone truly understanding him. He was alarming, very hard to relate to, actively fought against people doing so, ensured even the killer didn't watch him die, and the survivors couldn't begin to understand his motive until a chapter later. The Closing Argument reflects that.
Early in DR1 Togami calls out the rest of his class for judging others by their own standards. However, he, too, is doing this, maybe more so than many other characters; his inability to view other people through anything but the cold, brutal logic of the killing game bites him in the ass in chapter 4. In DR2 chapter 2 voting without a good understanding of Pekoyama's motive or Kuzuryuu's involvement nearly got everyone killed. Komaeda's a walking embodiment of the problems with flattening people into caricatures and not empathising with them, suffered from people doing that back to him, and his case- the Closing Argument for which turned everyone else into grey placeholders- was impossible to solve with objective facts. It was only survivable because the survivors cooperated and one person tried to analyse things the way he would.
The games have always been a critique of the justice system and Japanese society and push us to care about others as individuals, not reduce them to- and judge their right to exist by- something they've done or their net impact on society. There are always consequences when someone neglects to do that, and the above might be yet another way the games explore that theme.
#danganronpa#dr analysis#komaedology#komaeda#.txt#sorry @ non komaedaheads for making it about komaeda again LMAO#that was not the intention initially he's just... a really good exploration of this#and i think about his expressions in that comic vs his corpse and what we retroactively knew he was dealing with a lot#btw don't send spoilers to falter please!! i'm @ing to credit them- this was a discussion not solely my ideas- but they are not done yet#and aren't reading this post until they're caught up for obvious reasons#this came from discussing ch2 since the incomplete picture people voted with nearly killed them#(btw don't @ me about komaeda's description in the second-last paragraph being an oversimplification; i know :p )#(he has nuance- especially outside of the killing game- but i'm just focusing on the thematically relevant broad strokes here)#(eg. i feel like he demonstrates empathy sometimes but kodaka has said that lack of ability to empathise/be empathised with#is a theme for him- and the ways he's been proactive in the killing game consistently lacked regard for others' feelings/individuality#reducing them to interchangeable Ultimates(TM) instead. it's partly why he self-destructed while everyone else#was able to forgive themself and keep moving forwards imo. your worth being defined rigidly by objective contributions to society#does not mesh well with the idea of rehabilitating people who've destroyed the world before they could even start to improve it#and even if he did give them a chance at surviving he still succumbed to his own ideology in the end#killed himself for 'hope' and to be 'important' like he 'wanted' but died terrified and in pain and alone instead of fulfilled#man i wish 2.5's ending/postnwp canon in general dug into that ;-; )#ANYWAY ty for reading all that. i feel like i rambled a lot in this one. i have a headache now ghdkjsfgdsf
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My mother doesn't hug me. she doesn't know what to do with me.
my father has the kind of anger all fathers do; loud and terrible. it lingers for your whole life.
you robbed me of my life. i could’ve been human, i could've been alive, but you took my heart and you murdered it. you made me into this.
the blood on my face didn't make me brave, it only made me hurt. i was full of rage and he didn't ask why. he didn't even notice.
i have a very childlike rage, a childlike loneliness.
You are allowed to grieve over the child you could've been.
#it always haunts me that the wishes his parent's friends had for him was that he wouldn't be put in the car at a young age#and still it happened and he was robbed of a childhood#he could not dream anything else but what his father has made him to#and isn't that a tragedy?#a murder of his present self#and a murder of what he could have been#done by the very hands that should have cared for him#jos verstappen#when i find you jos.#credits to @/lealu for the sophie kumpen quote!#max verstappen#formula 1#web weaving#web weave
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CASTIEL: Stop. What's the point if you don't mean it? You fear me - not love, not respect, just fear.
[youtube with closed captions]
a godstiel pity party. i'd like to thank an anon i got way back in february of 2021.
#spn#vid#spnamvarchive#so fun fact i started making this more than a year ago. got it 90% done. and then was like no this isn't working#i will come back to this later.#it turns out that i needed to make some videos about cas and angels (the love club + help i'm alive amvs)#in order to make this one. anyway this video is about french mistake robert singer voice season six#i really struggled with it because i could NOT find the thread until i realized that it needed to be literally godstiel pov#it's about love and desire and jealousy and hurt and omnidirectional rage <3#it's about the fact that cas is so utterly dependent on dean for his self-image - however dean sees him that's it#it's about having a moment of reflection about lashing out before you do it but doing it anyway#it's about taking cruelty and dishing it out#and crucially. it's about being pregnant#mpregpocalypse#fun fact: i made a post about working on three season six amvs all the way back in nov. 2022#and only now have they come to fruition (this one + love club + metric)#anyway. have you heard that cas is obsessed#the thing is i do kinda want to add some specific director's commentary here. like the first verse is about cas being like.#incredibly deeply emotionally vulnerable to dean. as in: his emotional state and self-image is totally dominated by what dean thinks of him#and if dean is mad at him. and then the second verse is about... dean upsetting him and him responding to that by Killing Everybody lol#like he has a moment of reflection ['certain regrettable things are now required of me' + killing rachel] where he's like i've 1) also done#bad things and 2) i feel bad about it so maybe i will regret Killing Everyone. but then he does it anyway due to everybody keeps turning#on him. i feel like the rest of the amv is self evident. i guess i should note that 'share a paradise' is about how both of them have#a nostalgic view of the early days of their relationship when it wasn't Like This lol. but everything else i think is self evident.#oh and the reason the other angels flash onscreen with their burned wings at the end is i'm EVOKING the image of cas' wings burning. even#though it doesn't happen. i'm evoking it
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Trainer Bakugou who you're a little terrified of the first day you're paired with him. when asking for a trainer at the gym, you had expected the friendly redhead who always looked so sweet and encouraging and cut as hell. you weren't expecting his grumpy looking blond counterpart, who was all glares and shouts for his clients to keep pushing themselves.
you were hesitant at first, before you quickly realized that it was all a ruse, for the most part. he pushed those who needed that extra encouragement, but was more lenient to people like you who simply wanted a professionals guidance. so, after a few weeks, you liked him for the most part, and his looks damn sure made it easier to cozy up to the big guy.
the only issue you've been having with Bakugou though are the...coregasms, as you've seen them been named on social media, that you keep experiencing. the first time, you weren't sure what it was, why your stomach and pelvis kept tightening up. you couldn't have...climaxed, or anything. you hadn't even been touched!
but, as the weeks go by, and the workouts get more strenuous, they've become harder and harder to subside and ignore, and so had Bakugou's commands to keep going when you suddenly stopped. you can only lie and say its cramps so many times before he realizes that something is up.
you're midway through a good morning, when that familiar feeling starts tightening in the pit of your gut. you clench your eyes shut, shaking your head a little, as if you could ward off the impending feeling. bakugou notices though, frowning at your almost pained expression in the mirror, walking up behind you to stop you as you pull yourself back up. his hands are on your waist, and as you come up, you feel his bulge glide over the curve of your ass, and something in you snaps.
you gasp, buckling over, one hand on your knee as the other reaches back for bakugou's hand to keep you up as your thighs shake. you can feel yourself spasming, clenching and unclenching around nothing, secretly wishing you had something that could fill you up, something that you felt throb against you as bakugou leaned over your form.
"Another coregasm, huh?" he asks you lowly, his lips brushing your ear as you bite your bottom lip to hold back your moan. your eyes buck open though, when his words sink in, head tipping back to look at him in the mirror, only to find his gaze already on you.
"You knew every time?" you ask quietly, panting now that its finally starting to pass over you. but bakugou doesn't let you up from this position, especially since the area you're in seems to be desolate for now.
"It's hard to ignore how pretty you look when you cum, sweetheart." Bakugou seals his words with a firm press to your ass, his cock rubbing the seam, and you can practically feel the heat and veins of it through your thin bottoms. you groan under your breath, getting lost in the feeling of him grinding against you, when he suddenly speaks again.
"You still feel it?" he asks, voice low as he looks at you through his lashes. you nod, biting at your bottom lip as you meet the steady rock of his hips, watching how he smiles before slotting his lips against your ear.
"Want me to help make it go away?" and he does, in the employee locker room after hours. he makes it go away, and rebuild, and go away again and again until you're hoarse and your legs are weaker than they typically are on leg day. bakugou helps the ache go away, but not for that sweet redheaded coworker of his, whose fists have fucked his cock the entire time of watching bakugou rail you over the locker room bench again and again.
#remember when I said in my lion bkg tags that I would write that long fic#sorry but I lied 😔#idk its been so hard to write long fics for me lately!!#I thought it would be better since the brunt of everything in my life has passed#but the creative energy isn't all the way there yet#so I won't rush the process of it!!! when I let it come to me I typically bang out like#3-5 fics in two weeks lol so im waiting for that feeling#but anyway!!! I love trainer character aus they're so seggsy#also I had to throw in eiji sorry what else could I have done#NOT put him in this somehow???? I don't think so#okay bye im gonna write another Drabble ive had in my drafts for a few weeks now LOL#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#bakugou treats! 🍬#also has anyone ever actually experienced a coregasm before??? I saw it on insta and was amazed LOL#I need to start working on my core more to get one lol if im LUCKY
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I fear Kevin Day is the type of person whose struggle always came second. He funcioned enough that while everyone knew he wasn't alright, it was also nobody's problem, as someone else was actively having a harder time and they took precedence. He internalises all his problems and keeps going and going but he is fueled by alchool and sheer desperation a 100% of the time. If he were to stop for even a second he wouldn't know how to start again.
Did he ever, at somepoint in his life -away from the ex foxes, a pro player, married to Thea- wish he had it worse, just so that maybe it would have been his turn being saved? Being first? How badly would he feel, just one second after thinking it, because he knows damn well he has enough trauma to fill a stadium and he isn't actually jealous of his friends that had it worse, he isn't . That's a fucked up thing to think, stop it, stop it.
Would he still drink himself into a stupor to shoote the ache, to banish the thought? That's the help he got, when he was at his worst, a drink, and then two, and then a thousand. And it worked, it made him go, it picked him up when he was down, and now he can't get down without crashing.
Did he wish to be saved? Did he hope somebody, anybody, took the time and put in the effort to help him, just because they saw him down, not because he begged, but because they noticed he could use a hand. Or two, actually. Was it torment, to always be under the spotlight, yet never been seen? Did he run toward fame hoping the more eyes on him meant it would be easier to be noticed?
#this spurred from a series of posts about kevin always fumbling the men in his life#and yeah. he really is always second place#he supposedly ends up with thea which. what the fuck.#to me that alone speaks volumes about how out of everyone in aftg he is the one that starts and end basically at the same level of struggle#this is also about the part in the EC where he talks to wymack about Bee#and look i love bee and Andrews’s relationship he really does deserve her#but kevin is right to say that she is his and he can't have her#they text each other#kevin needs and deserves to have his own therapist#someone that is his alone#it breaks my heart to think about this boy#he wont even ask for it#he says: she's Andrew's#and that's it to him#it is true and unchangeable and nothing can be done ablut it#and never thinks okay maybe someone else could be to me what she is to him#and no one else says it either#im sleep deprived this is killing me i had to get it out#kevin day#you deserve the world#nobody even wanted to listen to you talk about history#you are easier to deal with when drunk#you don't have to words nor will to fight them on either of these fronts#you ask once and when you are denied you neverask again dont you#aftg#these are the types of people that end up killing themselves and everyone is surprised at first and then goes...oh yeah he had a hard time#but we couldn't imagine it was that bad#we wish he told us
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