#what else could i have done?
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
A small bird I was trying to save just died in my hands so
#sad! oh well#birds#rip#i put flowers over it and hide it in some grass#a part of me#has now died and will never come back#it bleed out onto my gloves#broke my heart#broke me#broke my brain#broke my fucking heart#i could feel it#breathing#until i couldnt anymore#it was so fragile#it fit perfectly in my hand#and now its dead#it went very still#i know#it was scared#when it died#what else could i have done?#??????????#??? idk#i feel so bad#i hope Persphone treats it better#:(
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just to give them a chance to actually show up in the tags, here are my aro and ace colored demons.
#the context is that I have been 'repainting' Christmas decoration angels by coloring them with permanent marker#originally these two were white holding golden hearts#what else could I have done?#my art#Pride art#asexual#aromantic#asexual pride#aromantic pride#Christmas Demons
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Columbo and the Knight (1984)
put me in the universe where Columbo ran through the 1980s and had a crossover episode with Knight Rider. I think they deserved it, and I am not just saying that because they're my two favorite Old Shows. @telebeast wrote a little fanfic blurb about it and I HAD to visualize it into a comic (which is also the longest comic I have finished thus far at five pages...), so writing credit goes to them.
Autism W!
#columbo#knight rider#art#michael knight#kitt#comic#highlight reel#crossover#telebeast#there are two small easter eggs here. can you find them. they were somehow not Entirely lost when i resized these for the public#this is what i mean when i say I Draw And It's Everyone Else's Problem. look at my INCREDIBLY niche crossover comic boy#if the knight rider fandom has like 12 people in it. how many of y'all have seen columbo#this comic is for like 4 people and me and phoenix are already two of them#niche is my specialty lets be real. weird niche obscure shit and ships nobody's paid attention to yet#not to suggest this is ship art. columbo has his wife and michael has his car lmfao#stylizing real people is EXTREMELY hard btw sorry for when they get off model. its partly a 'better imperfect than never finished' situatio#cant tell you how much i redrew some of these panels. weeps#this took me 2 weeks but i think i thumbnailed it all in may and the ideas been rollin around in my head since march#is anybody good at editing. please edit michael and columbo into an image together like its a screenshot. NOT generated. edited.#it would be so cool#ive drawn columbo a lot but i haven't drawn a lot of michaels. i was learning things about his outfit AS I WAS DOING THE DAMN#COLORS ON THIS. all the lines done. it was too late to change anything. i did all the lines and colored page by page#i realized my mistakes on like page 3. 1 and 2 were already done. it was Too Late.#imagine it though. them working a case together. switching between the more serious tone of columbo vs the goofier#action antics of michael and kitt. columbo being so impressed by Modern Technology. there's more i could say but phoenix may write#more of this crossover and i don't want to spoil it :'3#there's opportunity here though i swear. there's gold to be dug.#i like how kitt gets shading but columbo's junker peugeot doesn't. kitt looked wrong without any. columbo's car is matte and dirty#i also applied effects to this to make it look a little film-grainy and VHS like. some CRT TV vibes#the only question left is. did they put knight rider into columbo; or columbo into knight rider 🤔
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.
It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage...#...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them...#...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent...#...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us...#...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long...#...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL#the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate#be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough#recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage'#i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself#and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was#i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want#don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please#and just... give yourself space
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
oh you know it's all latestage capitalism but the thing is. how are you supposed to be a person inside of this. a person trying to be a better version of yourself.
oh, you started working young, which was kind of hard, but it's just the way stuff works sometimes. and it was 2008 and your family couldn't afford heat. but it's fine, you grow a spine and get used to the professional world and besides it was the suburbs we're talking about here, like, your life could have been actually hard, so what if your father lost his job and you can't afford to move or turn the lights back on. and once you start making money, it's good. you keep doing that. because now they're relying on you. so you have to do that.
oh you were in thousands of dollars of debt at 17 years old so that you could go to school, because you have to go to school if you want to get a "real" job. you even did it "right", you worked parttime and attended community college before you transferred to a public school. you were under so many merit scholarships.
which is fine. you pick yourself up and you say like, okay. i graduated college. i'm holding down a job. i'm doing the Adult Thing, which looks and acts like this, according to all the books i've read. you start with the shitty job and then you climb that corporate ladder.
but the shitty job doesn't cover rent and you stretch yourself too-thin so you get sick. good luck with that. the shitty job no longer pays for your meals. everyone asks why you don't just move, but there's nowhere to move to. and with what money are you going to be moving? and then the loans come back, because they were never going to forgive them, because you were 17 and trying to do the right thing, which was stupid. people are now saying you shouldn't have even gone to school.
which is fine. but because you have no other option, so you do the shitty job, and you apply every day for like 5 new ones, and despite the fact everyone says "there's no one who wants to work!" it's actually just that nobody is fucking hiring so you can either work for 13 dollars an hour in the shitty place you know (where at least you have a passingly friendly relationship with the manager) or you can start from scratch again with a different 13 dollars an hour without knowing how much abuse from the new job you'll be taking.
and if you quit you lose your insurance. if you quit you lose your housing. if you quit, you'll be another burnout kid. the lazy ones. these assholes, look at them!
and you come home to a family dinner and you hear from your father the same old thing. how he worked hard at his job and yes it sucked for a while but he was able to provide for the family and then the house and the dog and the rest of barbie's dream vacation. how the insurance did cover some of it. how you just really need to start speaking up more in manager conversations so they know you're a go-getter. you want to tell him - did you know we're actually doing more now hourly than any previous generation? - but you can't remember where you heard that statistic, and you're far too tired for the fucking argument. and then he starts in on his usual bit. where's the house? where's your kids? where's your ambition.
the same job the same money the same hours doesn't do it anymore. the same nose-to-the-grindstone now just shreds your face off. there's no such thing as upwards mobility, not really. and as far as you're aware, the money certainly is not trickling. you do the soulless stupid shit you signed up for because you fucking have to or else you literally risk your life (food, the apartment, the insurance), but it's not getting you anything. you download the stupid "save more" app and you budget and you do every right thing and then the price of eggs is 7 dollars and you say - oh great! another thing i have to fucking worry about now!
and you go to your stupid job and everyone in your father's generation just tells you to be better about being an adult. they have their homes and their savings account and their bailout and they say. well have you tried not drinking starbucks. well your generation just spends too much on clothing. well you might just be too addicted to travelling. and you - because you need the job - you bite your tongue and don't say i am being held prisoner and you're suggesting i stop pacing my cell if i don't like the scenery and you don't say what the fuck do you think i've been doing with my money and you don't say i haven't spent a cent on something nice in literally forever much less coffee you arrogant asshole. you open and close your bank app and check your loans and check your credit score and check fucking zillow and ziprecruiter and apartments.com just one time more. and still they give you that demeaning little grin and say - see, what you need is -
what you need is for your meds to stop being so fucking expensive. what you need is for the housing bubble to explode into dust. what you need is for billionaires to choke on their wealth. what you need is actual help. what you will get is more economic advice from people who are older-and-wiser.
and above you, almost in a glimmer, you can see the wedged smile of your debt getting toothier, wider.
#i hate when people try to tell me i didn't do it right#what should i have done better#i did it ALL the right way#(not that there is a right way)#it's just that others feel comfortable believing that THEY did it the right way and that's how they made money#whereas i must have just committed a sin somewhere in there! i MUST be doing it wrong!!!#and i'm not a victim!!! im simply experiencing consequences!#and im like. where . where. wherewherewherewhere#i graduated top of my class. i was almost the student speaker.#i have always excelled at work and i work hard#i have been working since i was 13#WHERE !!!!! IS MY FUCKING !!!! MONEY!!!!!!#ps please do not make the assumption i am ablebodied or neurotypical.#i am neither of these things.#it DOES get worse if u are either of those things. so fuckin much#but @ the one anon who was like ''u could be X that would be worse u don't know how lucky u are''#.... don't i?#do i need to be luckier than someone else#or is it possible we are BOTH victims?#and that we need to work TOGETHER to resolve it#not just wave it off since it COULD be harder for someone else... it can be true we BOTH deserve better
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
Day 7: accident
Don’t draw so fast
#a rookie mistake I don’t imagine him making but I don’t know what else I could have done 😅#art#my art#artists on tumblr#original art#my characters#oc#Cardin#goretober#tw blood#tw violence#tw amputation
248 notes
·
View notes
Text
#.....i don't think this is spoilers considering everything else i've ever done on this tumblr and jess i'm sorry if this was a secret but:#WE'RE BACK BABY#and also:#pray for me#YA GIRL IS ALREADY TIRED#(what you can't see on this schedule is my 8-5 day job)#(or the 10+ hour/week evening/weekend nonprofit job)#someone send coffee and also possibly a time machine#also ALSO i did have a solo recording in late july#but it's different to record with other people!!#i had a moment today where i could FEEL arkady's reaction happening to another character and it was great#i have missed working with my rumor crew a whole heck of a lot#tscosi#ishani speaks
191 notes
·
View notes
Text
CASTIEL: Stop. What's the point if you don't mean it? You fear me - not love, not respect, just fear.
[youtube with closed captions]
a godstiel pity party. i'd like to thank an anon i got way back in february of 2021.
#spn#vid#spnamvarchive#so fun fact i started making this more than a year ago. got it 90% done. and then was like no this isn't working#i will come back to this later.#it turns out that i needed to make some videos about cas and angels (the love club + help i'm alive amvs)#in order to make this one. anyway this video is about french mistake robert singer voice season six#i really struggled with it because i could NOT find the thread until i realized that it needed to be literally godstiel pov#it's about love and desire and jealousy and hurt and omnidirectional rage <3#it's about the fact that cas is so utterly dependent on dean for his self-image - however dean sees him that's it#it's about having a moment of reflection about lashing out before you do it but doing it anyway#it's about taking cruelty and dishing it out#and crucially. it's about being pregnant#mpregpocalypse#fun fact: i made a post about working on three season six amvs all the way back in nov. 2022#and only now have they come to fruition (this one + love club + metric)#anyway. have you heard that cas is obsessed#the thing is i do kinda want to add some specific director's commentary here. like the first verse is about cas being like.#incredibly deeply emotionally vulnerable to dean. as in: his emotional state and self-image is totally dominated by what dean thinks of him#and if dean is mad at him. and then the second verse is about... dean upsetting him and him responding to that by Killing Everybody lol#like he has a moment of reflection ['certain regrettable things are now required of me' + killing rachel] where he's like i've 1) also done#bad things and 2) i feel bad about it so maybe i will regret Killing Everyone. but then he does it anyway due to everybody keeps turning#on him. i feel like the rest of the amv is self evident. i guess i should note that 'share a paradise' is about how both of them have#a nostalgic view of the early days of their relationship when it wasn't Like This lol. but everything else i think is self evident.#oh and the reason the other angels flash onscreen with their burned wings at the end is i'm EVOKING the image of cas' wings burning. even#though it doesn't happen. i'm evoking it
155 notes
·
View notes
Text
Trainer Bakugou who you're a little terrified of the first day you're paired with him. when asking for a trainer at the gym, you had expected the friendly redhead who always looked so sweet and encouraging and cut as hell. you weren't expecting his grumpy looking blond counterpart, who was all glares and shouts for his clients to keep pushing themselves.
you were hesitant at first, before you quickly realized that it was all a ruse, for the most part. he pushed those who needed that extra encouragement, but was more lenient to people like you who simply wanted a professionals guidance. so, after a few weeks, you liked him for the most part, and his looks damn sure made it easier to cozy up to the big guy.
the only issue you've been having with Bakugou though are the...coregasms, as you've seen them been named on social media, that you keep experiencing. the first time, you weren't sure what it was, why your stomach and pelvis kept tightening up. you couldn't have...climaxed, or anything. you hadn't even been touched!
but, as the weeks go by, and the workouts get more strenuous, they've become harder and harder to subside and ignore, and so had Bakugou's commands to keep going when you suddenly stopped. you can only lie and say its cramps so many times before he realizes that something is up.
you're midway through a good morning, when that familiar feeling starts tightening in the pit of your gut. you clench your eyes shut, shaking your head a little, as if you could ward off the impending feeling. bakugou notices though, frowning at your almost pained expression in the mirror, walking up behind you to stop you as you pull yourself back up. his hands are on your waist, and as you come up, you feel his bulge glide over the curve of your ass, and something in you snaps.
you gasp, buckling over, one hand on your knee as the other reaches back for bakugou's hand to keep you up as your thighs shake. you can feel yourself spasming, clenching and unclenching around nothing, secretly wishing you had something that could fill you up, something that you felt throb against you as bakugou leaned over your form.
"Another coregasm, huh?" he asks you lowly, his lips brushing your ear as you bite your bottom lip to hold back your moan. your eyes buck open though, when his words sink in, head tipping back to look at him in the mirror, only to find his gaze already on you.
"You knew every time?" you ask quietly, panting now that its finally starting to pass over you. but bakugou doesn't let you up from this position, especially since the area you're in seems to be desolate for now.
"It's hard to ignore how pretty you look when you cum, sweetheart." Bakugou seals his words with a firm press to your ass, his cock rubbing the seam, and you can practically feel the heat and veins of it through your thin bottoms. you groan under your breath, getting lost in the feeling of him grinding against you, when he suddenly speaks again.
"You still feel it?" he asks, voice low as he looks at you through his lashes. you nod, biting at your bottom lip as you meet the steady rock of his hips, watching how he smiles before slotting his lips against your ear.
"Want me to help make it go away?" and he does, in the employee locker room after hours. he makes it go away, and rebuild, and go away again and again until you're hoarse and your legs are weaker than they typically are on leg day. bakugou helps the ache go away, but not for that sweet redheaded coworker of his, whose fists have fucked his cock the entire time of watching bakugou rail you over the locker room bench again and again.
#remember when I said in my lion bkg tags that I would write that long fic#sorry but I lied 😔#idk its been so hard to write long fics for me lately!!#I thought it would be better since the brunt of everything in my life has passed#but the creative energy isn't all the way there yet#so I won't rush the process of it!!! when I let it come to me I typically bang out like#3-5 fics in two weeks lol so im waiting for that feeling#but anyway!!! I love trainer character aus they're so seggsy#also I had to throw in eiji sorry what else could I have done#NOT put him in this somehow???? I don't think so#okay bye im gonna write another Drabble ive had in my drafts for a few weeks now LOL#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#bakugou treats! 🍬#also has anyone ever actually experienced a coregasm before??? I saw it on insta and was amazed LOL#I need to start working on my core more to get one lol if im LUCKY
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
one of my favorite parts of speculating ahead of the Veilguard is the number of people talking themselves around and around in the loop of "Illario is extremely suspicious and the most obvious choice for who betrayed Lucanis → However, Illario seems like he genuinely cares for Lucanis and seemed sincerely distraught in The Wake → I know in my heart it must be Illario: there is no one else with means and motive → If Illario did it, I understand why given how Caterina has treated him and them, and he has arguably earned a bit of a villain era → The situation is ultimately caused by Caterina and Crow politics and, again, Caterina → I don't want it to be Illario because I want he and Lucanis to have a good relationship given all they've suffered together → However, there is already an existing bitterness between them because of the succession question and in Illario generally because he's seen as lesser → Illario is the most obvious choice"
#so many of us are like it's gotta be Illario I don't want it to be Illario it makes sense it's Illario#It's like... it's a tragic situation because no matter what—even if it is Illario—the root cause is Caterina and she's already dead.#Speaking for myself. *I* keep doing this loop bc even if it was Illario it's hard with what we know so far for me to hold it against him?#Yes he had different choices. Obviously he could have done anything else. But like it isn't just ambition and spite.#Assuming it is him [points at the loop] it feels like a situation fostered by the way Caterina raised and hurt them both.#What methods do you feel you have when the only thing you know is knives and murder?#How else to feel when the cousin you love like a brother eventually convinces himself he doesn't hate the grandmother who ruined you both?#She is only “Caterina” in your mouths and you are “cousin” in his but he is choosing her over you and how else is there to feel?#After all: she's sharpened all your emotions into knives. They're only ever knives.#ANYWAY that got away from me there for a second#I think that's why we're doing this loop. It's gotta be Illario but it being Illario resolves little. It's not a complete catharsis.#It's really the facts of their lives. It's really what Caterina did to them. It's really the yawning pit at the center of House Dellamorte.#Illario Dellamorte#Lucanis Dellamorte#Caterina Dellamorte#Dragon Age: The Veilguard#Dragon Age The Veilguard#Dragon Age#DATV things#DATV spoilers#Veilguard spoilers
95 notes
·
View notes
Text
If this was about that letter I took out of someone's mailbox yesterday IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I DIDN'T MEAN TO AND I PUT IT RIGHT BACK-
| First | | Previous | | Next |
[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]
[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]
#bg3 really said acab LMAO#I genuinely have no idea what triggered this#I did the entire bhaal tribunal right before this and then long rested so I don't know if there was-#something else I'd done the day before that triggered this or if it was a bug#Regardless - hilarious#WAIT HANG ON I HAD BEEN SNEAKING AROUND THE BARRACKS BUT I WAS INVISIBLE HOW COULD THEY POSSIBLY KNOW IT WAS ME-#bg3#baldur's gate 3#croissant adventures#tav#flaming fist#comics#also can I just say how funny it is that the guards DO NOT CARE if you're digging around in someone's postbox reading their mail gnjkfdnshd
248 notes
·
View notes
Text
My mother doesn't hug me. she doesn't know what to do with me.
my father has the kind of anger all fathers do; loud and terrible. it lingers for your whole life.
you robbed me of my life. i could’ve been human, i could've been alive, but you took my heart and you murdered it. you made me into this.
the blood on my face didn't make me brave, it only made me hurt. i was full of rage and he didn't ask why. he didn't even notice.
i have a very childlike rage, a childlike loneliness.
You are allowed to grieve over the child you could've been.
#it always haunts me that the wishes his parent's friends had for him was that he wouldn't be put in the car at a young age#and still it happened and he was robbed of a childhood#he could not dream anything else but what his father has made him to#and isn't that a tragedy?#a murder of his present self#and a murder of what he could have been#done by the very hands that should have cared for him#jos verstappen#when i find you jos.#credits to @/lealu for the sophie kumpen quote!#max verstappen#formula 1#web weaving#web weave
142 notes
·
View notes
Text
Reading the reaction to Larian's decision to fully step back from wotc/d&d/etc has been interesting
a lot of mourning of the loss of "content"
"we could have had years and years of content" "this is heart breaking to never see these characters again" etc etc
is that what you really want? content? is this what modern media production has come to, that people aren't sated with anything less than milking a property until it's a barren husk of anything it once was?
Why can't we be happy with what we have? I don't think it's unfair to be sad about this news, especially given that it felt like some things were being teased or hinted at, and now they most likely will not come to fruition (at least at larian's hands), but is that really so bad? If you're so dissatisfied with a character's ending or arc, write a fanfiction, draw fanart, boot up the game again and just imagine your way into what you DO want
is that not the fundamental nature of d&d?
#again#I cannot iterate enough that it's okay to be bummed out about this#but I'm proud of larian for doing right by their employees#they have more respect for themselves as well as the source material than wotc/hasbro does#I just wish that people could be happy at all that we have so much already#the only thing I truly wish larian would add is more material for wyll because he was done so dirty in comparison to everyone else#but aside from that the game is a great playground and sandbox for a million other stories or ideas#and wotc/hasbro or even larian themselves cannot rip that out of your hands#you can make more of what you love about this game this series this entire universe
207 notes
·
View notes
Text
Of all the themes in Mouthwashing, I think the themes of punishment and virtue are the most subtle.
It’s so odd because it’s a subversion where all the characters are punished for their virtues more than their flaws except Jimmy. Curly sees the best and people and tries to do right by all parties whether deserving or not. He is then forced to see everyone fall to their worst states while he can’t do anything. Daisuke is optimistic and hopeful, playful to a fault and a big morale. He dies in agony the one time he is forced to act in a serious event. Anya is kind and capable, knowledgeable in her field. Yet, she is treated like a dunce and does being treated like a dead weight.
The only characters who aren’t punished per se are those without direct virtues. Swansea is ornery and rude the moment we meet him, Jimmy is self explanatory. Yet, Swansea is still punished with Daisuke’s death, while Jimmy escapes in a way. Not having to face the final aftermath or even acknowledging how he could never really fix it. He suffers and is tormented, but he doesn’t really care because in his mind he didn’t fail in his head of proving something to Curly.
This is rambling y really but it really is the theme of no good deed but to the extreme. Good people punished for their attempts at virtue while the bad person victimizes themself over their suffering.
#I mainly think of this because I started seeing so many posts blaming curly for not stopping Jimmy and leading to this#but that’s the exact thing Jimmy would want in the end where he skirts direct blame behind everyone else#however it was Jimmy who started it all he freaked out first#he assaulted Anya and stiff armed all attempts at taking accountability from Curly or being presented with his actions#he goes unpunished and still other than having hate pieces written about him he skirts it in fan discussions#like it’s so hard to explain it without sounding like no one could have done anything but they shouldn’t have had to do something#because Jimmy shouldn’t have done what he did at any point and while others had a responsibility to negate it is only his fault it occurred#tdlr don’t let Jimmy skirt most of the blame#mouthwashing#mouthwashing spoilers#Mouthwashing game#like this is a scenario where you would be punished for doing the right thing considering the context and I wonder if that’s intentional#Jimmy really is the one bad apple that spoils the bunch
84 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hey guys would it be cool if I killed myself right fucking now
#FUCK MAN#FUCKKKKKK#AUGH. AUGH.#this is why I LIKE that the manga changes things. this is why I appreciate this form of the story#does it make mistakes? a ton#but I think the point of the manga existing is so that this story and ways to tell it can be experimented with#is the game better? yes#of course!!#but it existing and being well received allows this manga to experiment with this sorry and these characters#this was well executed and worked well in game#but what if we expressed it this way?#what if we expressed this or portrayed this like this?#that is the beauty of it to me and this chapter encapsulates that perfectly to me#this whole scene would probably not work as well in the game#that’s why similar scenes were taken out and unused l#but this adaptation doesn’t have the pressure of being ‘good’ anymore#the game exists and it’s perfect. now the manga can do as it likes and tests what would work well and what wouldn’t#how else could this story be told?#and i think that while it misses the mark a lot it’s beautiful in that way#omori the game will always be better. but the manga is new and fun and experimental and I love that it is#a 1:1 recreation of the game with new art would likely suck a bit more than this fun#sometimes awful sometimes beautiful retelling#which is why I defend it so often Hejejejdjjd… it’s MEANT to have flaws it’s meant to experiment and god when it hits it HITS#like here. everything they’ve done with stranger and the barnyard and mari and something is heartbreaking#omori#omori mari#omori basil#omori manga#omori stranger#omori omori
75 notes
·
View notes
Text
okay no see the thing that made me really, really sad about hinata and the thing that made me really, really root for him and love him and want to see him win it all was how, like, people kept DENYING him. and i'm not talking about spectators in the stands going "omg he's so short haha, can he really do anything?" i'm talking about how his own team and how everyone who knew them in some way - as much as i love them - could never really separate him from kageyama. they were the freak quick duo, karasuno's number nine and number ten. they were amazing! so brilliant, the two of them. and hinata thought it was a way out, at first. he thought it was a way over the summit. he thought it was the key to being someone better.
but a key goes both ways, you know. it can lock you up just as much as it can set you free.
and hinata had to be so, so frustrated. everyone was finding ways to move forward except him. everyone expected him to stay stuck. and you could argue that that's not entirely true, sure, that he was always training, always trying to catch up, and they encouraged that. but nobody ever expected him to be more. nobody ever expected him to go beyond what he had with kageyama - they all thought that was enough for hinata. they thought he was fine like that because it worked for the rest of them. they underestimated how much he wanted to be capable. they didn't get how much he wanted to stand on his own two feet.
and that wasn't fair to hinata! it wasn't fair that hinata, who loved to play and loved the game and loved volleyball so so much, was the only one being left behind! he wanted to change that but nobody was trying with him!!! so of course he got impatient!! of course he was reckless!!! of course he was carving his own opportunities!!! there was no way forward otherwise!!! because if we take a minute to think about how training would have gone while kageyama was at tokyo, let's be honest — it probably wouldn't have gone well. nobody else can do with hinata what kageyama could do with him. hinata would have been held back. he would have felt useless. practicing serves and receives was stuff he was already doing constantly before that, and it wasn't teaching him anything. yeah hinata was a little bit selfish and a little bit shameless but being so finally got him somewhere!!
all hinata ever wanted to do was fly, even if it meant straying from the flock to do so
#anyways lesson learned: when you've exhausted all other options then just fucking go for it#what's the worst that could happen#you either get shit done or you don't#ball boy arc is sooooo important and i hate when ppl treat it like hinata was just being stupid#he was FED UP!!!#washijo sure as hell wasn't going to let him prove anything so he had to do it himself#and hinata actually showed a LOT of restraint for how he actually is imo#he accepted washijo's decision so easily. i think he knew in a way. that he wouldn't have been accepted#but he had to try SOMETHING bc he wasn't getting anywhere with everyone else!!!!#and my heart breaks whenever i think about taking suga taking kageyama's part in the early part of the story#about them not needing to try anything new or do anything risky so close to the tournament#hinata was so fucking shackled and that's why brazil was so good for him#it gave him a chance to grow into himself#ALSO EVERYONE KEEPS ACTING SURPRISED WHEN HE GETS BETTER AND BETTER WHEN THAT'S ALL HE EVER WANTED HELLO#hinata shouyou#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#haikyuu meta#sou says stuff
427 notes
·
View notes