#what do you truly desire
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Remember: The burning sensation is part of the process.
#Mouthwashing#blood#body horror#Emphasizing here that this is in reference to a media and character and not a cry for help on my end.#Mouthwashing is one of those games that tickles my brain and checks all the boxes for my niche interests -#-but it wasn't something that got the silly comic part in my cortex firing up. My analysis brain is eating well though!#What said...It is impossible for me to see this scene and not say out loud: “Me in the middle of my work day".#While there is a lot more going on with curly I personally resonated a lot with his struggles with burnout.#Burnout feels like mouthwash to me. That you keep rinsing out your mouth trying to get rid of the rotting smell#but it's just surface level solutions. The real cure requires something far more significant to actually make a difference.#The job 'is hard' and 'everyone struggles'. It's part of the process right? You're tired? Anxious? Depressed? Us too! Chin up!#Actually I resonated with a lot of things within Curly (this is a curly positive space - he's not perfect. He's just human).#One thing being his desire to see the good in people and believe in their potential.#Because here's the thing. Some people truly do just need someone in their corner who stands by them so they can grow and improve.#And some people will take advantage of your kindness. You focus so much on their humanity while you stop being a person to them.#The horrifically toxic relationship persists because Curly tries to see the bigger picture and believes in the good within.#Anyone who has lived through constantly trying to reframe the hurt as something else knows-#-just how many excuses your brain will make to avoid cognitive dissonance. It's human psychology.#Jimmy sucks so bad. But we the audience have the privilege of not having years of baggage associating him in our minds as 'friend'.
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The Crown Prince
#my art#Yes this is meant to parallel the Reiju piece and I will be drawing Yonji and Niji next.#those are judge's hands in case it wasn't clear but hopefully the hair does that?#Anyways to chatter about this a little#I just like that the trio are trapped within bodies that are forced to comply to Judge and have no desire to do otherwise#No mind to think. No will to break. No voice to cry suffering.#but it also raises the question what will happen to them when he dies and Ichiji becomes King (presumably)#they've been so sculpted to follow his every word how far can they make it without an outside force commanding them.#could they have been “saved” if they had Sora's exterior voice commanding them to do good? But to what extent does that qualify as good#since it's arguable if they would ever be truly choosing it for themselves#Anyways the Vinsmokes are NOT okay and I hope that gets explored more#I love characters whose moral code begins and ends with “It is my purpose” so I don't like to think they're inherently bad entities#I like to think they're inherently hollow vessels filled with intentions of another person#because that opens a far more interesting conversation about selfhood and accountability.#Very fond of fanfictions where they don't need to gain emotions to learn error#Also fond of fanfictions where Ichiji kisses men. If you've made it this far maybe recommend me one.#I have more cohesive thoughts on this but it's almost midnight ask me if you want to know more I promise I'm usually very articulate#if I'm missing something I haven't actually gotten to them in the story yet.#one piece#one piece fanart#ichiji vinsmoke#germa 66#vinsmoke ichiji
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it is quite funny to me as someone who studies philosophy and has had to have the conversations that bh and ludinus have been having many times over and often with people who like ludinus do not have any reading comprehension and truly like. the notion of “this shouldn’t exist” is almost always one that comes up regardless of whether it’s a discussion on the metaphysics of a potential God(s) or divinity, high political powers, or vehicles of systemic oppression. and what anyone who cares about people more than their ideals (even, sometimes, ideals that started out being about people but quickly come to be about the ideals themselves) realizes very quickly in a philosophical discussion about what should and shouldn’t exist is that it does not matter if what you’ve decided ‘shouldn’t’ exist does in fact already exist. like that tends to be the difference between sociopolitical philosophy that actually has teeth and substance in the world — a willingness to engage with the world as it is, not as it should be. because you can have the perfect image of a just and wonderful future world, but if you do not at every step reckon with the unjust world from which you are aiming at that future, you’re doing nothing. ideals are helpful because they aim us toward goals and hopes, but they’re nothing without a reality that grounds them.
and so people like ludinus, who in the real world would play the role of a graduate student with critical thinking skills that make every professor he comes across question how he arrived at his level of study, they don’t have Wrong ideals, there’s obviously plenty of reasons why an exandria without gods might in fact be a better place for mortals (there are also many Many reasons why it would not). but ludinus has also chosen his ideals to weigh heavier than the mortals he claims to uphold them with. i think ashton is also interesting, because i think a lot of their positions have a fun fluctuation between being ideal focused and person focused, where sometimes they’re focused on how unfair life is in a very nihilistic position, and at other times they seem quite clear about how much ideals help no one if they’re not second to the desire to help others. and i think that made their role in the convo with ludinus in 102 especially interesting and irritating (but in a narratively fulfilling way). anyway, truly so fun watching ludinus argue with the amount of fallacies and undeserved confidence of like right wing first year students in an ethics class explaining how actually the ends justify the means and thanos had the right idea actually if it means no more starvation. get a grip old man.
#ludinus da'leth#cr3#critical role#cr spoilers#ashton greymoore#i don’t think ludinus is neat at all i think he’s fucking dumb as bricks and not even in an fun way#i do think he prompts interesting dynamics in the party though so he’s extremely valuable in the narrative#but like . ludinus is truly emblematic of exactly what brennan was talkin about when he was referencing#ursula k le guin and talking about how evil is often simple and good is endlessly complex#it is Easy. (which is not to say unwarranted) to look at your own pain and say Burn Down Everything That Caused It And Threatens to Do So#And Burn Everything If It Allows Me To Protect Myself From Being Harmed Ever Again#which is. both ludinus and most of the betrayers#it is much much harder to feel the desire to burn everything and still find something worth fighting for anyway . even if it’s just the#hope that you won’t have to burn everything .
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I can't read Janeway/Chakotay if Tuvok isn't there with the same energy of a passenger in the backseat putting his foot on Chakotay's chair and slowly increasing the pressure so Janeway doesn't notice but Chakotay does. Bc. He should have been in the front seat. And Janeway's the one who asked "Do you mind getting in the back, Mr. Tuvok?" and he said it was fine, absolutely fine, and she thought nothing more of it but everytime Chakotay glances in the rearview mirror he can see that man's eyes staring back at him. I know people cast Tuvok as the wingman in Janeway & Chakotay's tragic love story but I think it'd be way funnier and perhaps even MORE tragic if anytime Janeway tried to softlaunch the idea of Chakotay as a romantic interest Tuvok conveniently had a memory about her and Mark Johnson to share. Do You Remember when we all went to the Recreation of The Ancient Olive Garden, Captain? And you said you two were Mates of Each Other's Soul? That just occurred to me for some reason. Anyway, what were you saying about Chakotay? After Mark Johnson is out of the picture for good, Tom teases that Janeway & Chakotay would make a good couple and Tuvok, serious as a heart attack and with a dire warning in his eyes/tone (insulting the captain is a grave offense) says that the captain would Never do something like that. She is a woman of morals. She is a woman who holds herself to a high standard. She would Never. And Tom never brings it up again and Janeway is both touched by Tuvok's belief in her and...something else. Something that feels like being doomed. Tuvok doesn't even dislike Chakotay at this point, it's not about him at all - it's All about Janeway. Like, personally I don't think Tuvok would be that personally invested in Janeway's romantic life one way or another (they seem to me like they'd be uncomfortable talking in depth about that kind of thing) but if he's going to be invested wouldn't it be so funny, so intriguing, for him, as the only member of Voyager who has pre-existing history with Janeway, to represent the Past. The things Janeway wants to return to, what she fights to keep alive - and this is shown to us the audience through Tuvok reinforcing and nurturing her belief that she should NOT become romantically involved with her first officer? Janeway has standards for herself...and Tuvok will Ensure she lives up to them. Because he believes in her ability to do so. They are 'in this together', are they not? They will assist one other, will they not? Like always.
#Tuvok#Kathryn Janeway#Chakotay#If I give up on Mark it's like I've given up on getting home Janeway says and Tuvok inclines his head in subtle unspoken agreement#If I give in to my desires and allow myself to be with Chakotay it's like I've given up on being the captain/getting home Janeway says#and though she hopes for a sliver of time that Tuvok will challenge this - he inclines his head. Agreement from her moral compass.#What other sign could she possibly ask for? There is no one else to entreat.#<- I need them to be UNREASONABLE!!!#star trek voyager#In my mind If Tuvok was asked what he expects Janeway to do if it truly does take 70 years to reach Earth it'd be something like#'she finds a civilian mate on a planet who would not mind becoming a member of our crew (and not Starfleet so they are not a subordinate)'#or she just takes care of her desires on the holodeck like he must suffer the indignity of...this is not ideal#but it is better than alternative scenarios#Also (besides the point I'm making here) Tuvok would be TERRIBLE at giving romantic advice and I think people should use that#The only person he's ever been with is his wife and they're both telepathic aliens and he associates romantic yearning with a danger to be#eliminated - I think this could be a good source of humor#Tuvok's romantic moves are 'marry them' or 'cut them out of your life forever and cast whatever feelings you had for them to the winds'
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And thus, with the passing of 24 hours, Caeru's ambition truly comes to an end. Major Nemesis spoilers below the cut- we're talking endgame ambition business here. Mostly on a character RP front.
The Doomed Scientist made quite a few... choice decisions, in the end. Killing Cups once and for all, recording his story as one of grief-
And sparing what little remained of Mr Mirrors, leaving it free to roam Parabola as it sees fit.
Some of them, he can explain. Others, he's still left to feel... discontent.
Cups needed to die. That much was certain from the start. It was a tyrant, as all Masters are, and complicit in the bargaining and eventual destruction of four (potentially five) cities, as all Masters are. It was an obstacle. A murderer. A petty monster that felt no remorse even on its deathbed, and it went out of its way to ruin multiple lives just because it felt owed its own sick and twisted idea of revenge.
It killed his first love. It looked him in the eyes and he knew what it had done and he knew from the start it was going to die.
Perhaps, in the end, it knew too. And yet it still pleaded, and wanted to live, and-
It made a bargain.
A bargain Caeru didn't take.
Not because he didn't want to. Gods, he wanted to. He wanted it. He wanted it more than anything else in the world. To have Greylu back, to give him the gift of life, of love, to show him the wonders of the Neath and the beauty of the correspondence and all of the people Caeru has met and loved and found home with along the way-
But. He couldn't.
Because Cups was a monster. And no matter what, it deserved to die. And he could not, in good conscience, allow it to live.
Even if sparing it meant everything he's ever wanted.
So he's left here, now. With a bloodied traveling coat, and a bloodsoaked knife, and a favor finally fulfilled.
And nothing to live for. No resurrected lover, no charming visits to Helicon, no slow dances in the living room, no memories to rebuild and lives to live and he won't live again-
Nothing. All he has is a coat born of obligation, not to his love, but to people he's never even met. To lives he's never even touched. To a paramour, still alive, with hair of rose-pink, who doesn't even remember her own brother's existence.
Cups didn't die for Caeru's sake. Cups died for the sake of all who wanted it dead. For the revenger's court, and the ghost screaming in his ear, and the reckoning that will not be postponed indefinitely.
And Caeru, who acted as a tool to carry out their wills? Who all but betrayed his own lover, just to satisfy a cause he never knew existed?
All Caeru is left with, is regret. Regret-
-And grief.
#yin-thoughts#fallen london#fallen london spoilers#nemesis spoilers#so! nemesis huh!#i have. a lot of thoughts#overall i think heart's desire remains closest to my heart#but that's almost certainly bc of the obvious ''you always remember your first'' bias#there's a lot of problems with nemesis that have been talked to death by other people way more eloquently than i could ever express#(the big notable stopgates littered throughout. the weird pacing at the end. the fact you never meet your actual nemesis til the finale)#but overall i still liked it a lot!! i loved it actually!!! it singlehandedly made me like cups as a master!!!!#not because of anything nemesis actually DID mind you. i just really liked making up things about it#in place of nemesis. actually featuring it.#which could either be a plus or a minus against the ambition depending on what angle you look at it from#but. yeah. i'd say i enjoyed it. i enjoyed it a whole bunch#and now that ive played 2 out of the 4 ambitions and my FL hyperfixation evidently isnt letting up#it's safe to say we're all here for the long haul#tune in (insert miscellaneous time in the future) for when i finally after like a year and a quarter#get to find out what the fuck truly goes down in light fingers#and also keep an eye out for that caeru-centric fic ive been unsubtly alluding to and still need to write.#ive got a whole outline for it and it's. well#you'll all see when (if?) i finish it#i have some ideas abt how i wanna play around with the nemesis endings + what they mean to caeru#(and i do mean endings as in both of them)#and it all may seem. insane. when we get there#but i swear i have a direction plotted in my head#i swear#scoundrelventures#<- the scoundrel isnt mentioned At All in this post but that works as a general FL oc lore tag
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It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.
#this unfortunately hits way too close to home for me#let’s not even get into Claudia’s anger at never being enough#iwtv spoilers#interview with the vampire#armand#this is just me speaking from personal experience…but there is definite manipulation at play here from Armand#and I don’t necessarily mean that pejoratively- when you’re desperate for people to like/love you you’ll become whatever they want#or whatever you think they’d want and you give it to them so they’ll want to keep you around#I’ve done it so often with the people in my life- and make no mistake it’s also a survival tactic#you give someone what they want they won’t hurt you#and when that’s how you survive for years and years it becomes the default method of interacting with others#even with normal people who genuinely mean you no harm you revert to that people pleasing mode#as a means of control both external and internal#this is what i see armand doing- his way of surviving that he’s never truly broken out of#armand ceding coven control to Louis and curating the Dubai penthouse for Louis are part of the same pattern of behavior#and even tho it’s ultimately harmful and will only end badly for armand and Louis’ relationship#idk if armand knows how to not exist that way with someone he loves/desires#all of this also ties into louis and daniel#because of course Armand will lose it over Louis finding connection and interest with someone else aside from him#someone HUMAN no less#and I can see Armand taking out his anger on Daniel as a way of expressing his own frustration at still not being enough for Louis#breaking daniel’s mind in a desperate attempt to understand why this human could reach Louis in ways he couldn’t#not saying any of this to excuse Armand and his behavior obviously (I’m very upset and worried over the trial looming on the horizon)#but I do understand this impulse and how you’ll throw ANYONE under the bus in order to preserve your place with loved ones#it’s all horrifying but unfortunately I empathize#like even if Louis is right to walk out on him when he learns/remembers the truth of what happened to Claudia#I’ll probably still find myself saddened by Armand’s fate because I’ve absolutely been there myself#it’s a tragedy of his own making- his fear and desperation birthing manipulative and controlling behaviors#that ultimately result in your own abandonment#god this fucking show
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KILL!!!!!!!!!
#my post#this is so mean. why did i make this#but also....... the gun is in your hands now#i'll admit that it's my fault for putting the gun in your hand... however i've no say in what you choose to do with it#will you pull the trigger and accept whatever happens from now on? will you give yourself into the role forced upon you?#no one will know anything if you don't say anything. there will be no consequences or repercussions to this choice#but you will know. and you will need to live with that knowledge for the rest of your life#a gun not fired is like an itch not stratched#in the end i have no control over what you do... but free will is a funny thing#the brain is very susceptible to suggestion... everything we see and experience will remain with us in some way#if that's the case then how much control do we really have in our lives? how do we separate what we really want vs what we're told to want?#things like hunger... desire... they're all things the body asks for. but are they things that we truly want?#or are they merely a mechanism built into us for the sake of survival?#everything blends into everything. your past actions will inform your current actions. you're the only one who's ever lived your life#you're the only one who will ever live your life#little variables and experiences we all share... but the order varies greatly from person to person. everything is just a series of events#the way i see the world is different than the way you see it regardless of how similar they are#what choice will you make now? and how does it differ from the choice you would've made a week ago? a month? a year? does it differ at all?#does free will truly exist? i think it does... but not in the way most people think it exists#you and i... we might differ on that thought. or we might not.#regardless of whatever i've been rambling about right now... refusing to make a choice is still a choice you make. life is ironic like that#does one of them really have to go? that's for you to decide now#i've merely chosen to put the gun in your hand. to make you aware of the possibilities#so i hope you realize what power your choices have#dca fandom#daycare attendant#yeah sometimes i just say things that i think are deep but they're really not#i hope the choices i make have an effect on others. even if it's just one person...#if i can make even just one person think about something they wouldn't have normally thought about then isn't that a win?#life is a series of choices... ''it'd be great if you could see a figure of light by the time you die'' ♡
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Tag drop: Aventurine.
#[ aventurine. ] mr. cavalier gambler: uptight. overcautious. inferiority complex. you've won so much but you're still so afraid of losing.#[ aventurine: ic. ] they see only the straight flush. they don't know the other hand below the table clutching your chips for dear life.#[ aventurine: inquiries. ] time to make a move my friend. say goodbye before you shuffle off. it's… best to die without regrets.#[ aventurine: countenance. ] now go. and pick the clothes that you like. then choose your desired identity and use them well.#[ aventurine: introspection. ] “sleep is the rehearsal of death”? why does life slumber? because we are not ready for the final rest.#[ aventurine: meta. ] the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. but you've never gone in any other direction.#[ aventurine: etc. ] the chance… no matter how small: the potential is what you hang onto. that is what justifies the gamble.#[ aventurine: ipc. ] … i'll give you that and much more than that. the ipc will give you whatever you want. even what you don't want.#[ aventurine: trio. ] three cornerstones who for a measly penacony... offered their everything. you're more united than the family.#[ aventurine: astral express. ] friends: the game has commenced and you cannot choose to decline… nor do you have grounds to.#[ aventurine: fate. ] if the dice of fate are always weighted then that is our destiny. why then... do we struggle against it?#[ aventurine: past. ] our paths will cross again beneath kakava's shimmering auroras. farewell: kakavasha.#[ aventurine: luck. ] he's only drunk on the moment that makes his very life quiver. hell is only one decision away from heaven.#[ aventurine: topaz. ] since i survived i realized: wherever you go that's where i'll follow; nobody's promised tomorrow. [ immobiliter. ]#[ aventurine: robin. ] so she sings; but does she dance? [ avaere. ]#[ aventurine: topaz. ] i never expected the beautiful and kind-hearted director topaz to resort to distorting concepts like that.#[ aventurine: jade. ] it's often used as a counterfeit for jade. but it looks like jade… can be substituted for aventurine too.#[ aventurine: veritas ratio. ] unfortunately for him; i make for a more competent conversationalist than the other dimwits around here.#[ aventurine: black swan. ] nothing remains hidden from you… does it? i will find my place in the web of your schemes; memokeeper.#[ aventurine: sunday. ] is this what the harmony represents? is it built upon constraint and coercion?#[ aventurine: acheron. ] only by casting aside reason does one truly gamble. “emanator” — I know you'll match my wager.#[ aventurine: v. youth. ] but the sun could not kill me and the quicksand sent me back to the embrace of the guild and the ipc.#[ aventurine: v. penacony. ] i seem that way because i am nervous. maybe you can help. what do you say; put our palms together a last time?#[ aventurine: v. future. ] the once falling die has at last landed on its earthly rest. quietly… peacefully: it at last landed.#tag drop
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gaining all those new followers from plagiarizing poc and running them off tumblr you're a terrible person and i hope you rot
so this is another really heavy accusation that i take very seriously.
who is it that i've run off, exactly ?? if you are said person or know them personally, i would love to have the ability to speak to you/them one-on-one, like grown adults, so that we can clear the air or discuss whatever issue there seems to be.
i doubt that you'll respond legitimately but this has always been my stance on your issue with me, that has kept you coming back to, not only my main account but also my nsfw account, daily. sometimes multiple times a day. you've also never once given me any kind of definition on what it is exactly that i've "plagiarized" — which, again, leads me me to believe you're just choosing to be hateful for no reason ?? the ONLY reference that's been made in the last few weeks that this has been going on, is the love island bakugou concept, and if that's what you're still sticking by, then — again — i urge you to understand what plagiarism actually is.
#for the third time now — i am urging you to message me privately so we can squash this#i truly dont understand how this could be fun for you ?? so what's the point in wasting your time over something you know isn't true ???#if you genuinely thought i'd stolen something i think you would have come at me with evidence straight away#and if i had anything to hide i wouldnt have answered you publicly THREE TIMES NOW#who have i run off ?? in my original love island bakugou post i added a link to the only other post(s) i had seen about it#but even still !! writing about a widely popular television show that's currently airing isn't plagiarism#anyway. again — sorry to everyone that has to see this but !! if this person is brave enough to do this not only to me but close friends —#— then they should be brave enough to be witnessed as they so deeply desire#the great anon calypse of 2023#✿ ask willow
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Yeahhhh I actually do think I have a problem with US leftists who are planning not to vote
#i deeply deeply understand the desire to Not vote for harris. i truly do get it#but liberal inaction is such a disease. like why are people expecting praise for doing nothing#in a presidential race with only 2 possible outcomes & one which will cause unimaginably greater suffering#doing nothing is arguably the worst thing you could do actually! that is what i believe!#and i have noticed that none of the people advocating against voting are offering an alternative plan#it just doesnt seem like great political literacy to me#it's short sighted & it disregards the fact that the safety of targeted groups requires sacrifice on everyone's part
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decided that in my own personal canon, Santiago’s maker looked similar to Louis, simply because Ben Daniels stated that Santiago was very likely in love with his maker. and wouldn’t it be some kind of torture to fall in love with the man who murdered your first vampiric love? to then watch him fall in love with another, who bears an eerie resemblance to that first love? to be witness to something tender and affectionate blooming, every moment a memory of how none of those you’ve adored have ever wanted you back? it would be agony. it would be torture. god, you would just hate them to pieces, loathing even as you loved them. and you wouldn’t know peace - not until the whole pack of them learnt the horror of love, just as you have.
#I like to think that Santiago was courted by his maker. that it was a genuine interest#perhaps turned to be an immortal companion before his maker saw his mind and past and realised how dull he was#imagine being sold the beautiful dream of having an immortal companion who loves you and chose you out of everyone#to be the only they spend eternity with. forever in the arms of love#just for him to see you. truly see you as nobody ever has. and then instantly recoil#abandon you in disgust. he doesn’t care what you do. he doesn’t care where you go. he doesn’t care what you call yourself. francis.#santiago is a strange inverse of claudia#she is a grown woman struggling against her body - constantly being viewed as her past rather than who she truly is#but she is capable and knowing and refuses to pretend. she is Claudia the adult woman. she is Claudia the cage breaker. Claudia the killer.#while I think Santiago is still deep down Francis. lonely and needy and wanting someone to pick him. but nobody ever will#and so he covers himself up in lies and leather and performs on stage. and nobody thinks anyone is standing there but Santiago#I just LOVE torture. imagine how upsetting all of it would be#he’s still a foul cunt. but god the agony. Armand killing the man he loves. Armand falling in love with someone who looks so similar.#and Santiago can have none of them. will only be touched in anger. so make them angry. get them to touch him.#furious desire to hurt is a kind of desire. he’ll take what he can get. he’s going to get it.#he decides to become the new master of the coven when every part of him is clearly begging#please please please want me take me need me make me yours please don’t turn away don’t pick someone else#he’s so careless with the women because life’s not fair ladies! the powerful want you then they drop you after they’ve used you#if I’m a toy you’re all toys. if I’m used I’ll use up the lot of you.#exactly my favourite kind of guy. wants to be loved eternally would flinch if he received it because what even is this?#santiago iwtv#santiago#ldpdl#louis de pointe du lac#armand#armand iwtv#armand interview with the vampire#iwtv#interview with the vampire
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The problem with my art right now is that 1) the little drawing time I have goes to @daily-basil ; 2) I have phases, and am currently deeply unmotivated ; and 3) when I do draw what this blog is currently about (Arsenic) I draw him in a gay way (because I love him deeply) and not like the unhinged person he actually is. I'm sorry I'm so soft about him right now. Yes I want Sunny and him to tear each other apart but they also need to love each other so so so much first
#siiiiiiigh...#im sorry i need him to hold sunny gently and tells him he loves him and yes he'll say it in horrible unhinged ways BUT#poor man who does not know how to love and does not know he can be loved. he is convinced he needs to manipulate people to make them stay#writing down arsenic lore for tosteur like two days ago made me so emotional about him. shaking and crying#there's not even like An Event it's just that his whole childhood sucks and he's never been accepted by anyone and he's so lonely and#(starts crying)#he does horrible horrible things but all he does to sunny truly comes from love. deeply inhumane and twisted love but love nonetheless#(except when he's being a selfish ass who doesn't have any sort of morals and generally doesn't give a shit about other people. of course)#god he's such a horrible person (/simplification) i love him#he does not care about hurting other people and only cares about his own selfish desires#he thinks he can do anything he wants and if other people get hurt by his actions it's not his problem#don't you DARE touch a single hair on sunny's head. not in a 'i care about my bf' way btw.#but because if sunny gets hurt. he has to deal with that and 1) it's boring unless it brings him something and 2) that's *his* plaything.#even when he does nice things for sunny he doesn't make it just to make sunny happy#he does it so that sunny will associate happiness with him and stay.#that's what he thinks consciously at least. he always had ulterior motives for everything he does#it doesn't really make him calculating because it's automatic at this point. it just makes him deeply selfish#my poor little boy who has never had anyone genuinely care about him before...#which doesn't excuse shit of course but hhhh i love him so much.#(D if you see this. this is about the OC not the guy. of course)#arsenic#rant#sometimes i think about nick like a normal person ('he's so awful and interesting') and sometimes i just slhrflfbfb. (cries)
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I give my grad speech in a week, have been writing a million versions of what I want to say in my head all year, talked to my mom last night, boy did she separate the wheat from the chaff.
#teaching tag#allskskskksksjsjs my mom one of the only people in the world who knows me and appreciates me but is not under the influence of my charm#even a little bit#skksksksksjsj actually my whole family is like this. which is a GIFT. and also something that can be so hard for me skskkdjdjdjdjdjjd#truly my most ruthless critics#but I wanted to cut things down in my own mind to the truest and most bare essentials#and that’s why I asked my mom! because I wanna get the core straightened out#will it end up being slightly more joke-y and vulnerable than she would like? yeah. but I am not my mom and cannot live as if I were#anyway have I thought too much about this speech? 100%. and wildly overestimated its actual importance#which is pretty small. so I have a week to wrangle myself back in line#idk i know it’s a good thing—the wave of excitement I can create#and I’ve had many people tell me they’re so looking forward to it etc.#but with it also comes a lot of pressure. a lot of pressure to be funny and to be charming#my own instinctive desire to fly too close to the sun and to take everybody on a ridiculous journey#but I want to go back to the core. especially in my teaching#it feels extremely important to me#anyway. what I need to do is let this go. and pray. and stop having a huge ego etc.#but it’s very hard because I am a self-obsessed narcissist who LOVES the sound of her own voice#I am also exhausted and have a lot of teaching/grading to do in the next week#sorry just processing thank you for listening
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No one:
Me: Okay, but what if their relationship has nothing to do with Sonic and Tails? What if Metal literatally just saw Eggman working on Tails Doll and assumed without proof that they were created for him? What if Metal quite literally attached to Tails Doll through this assumption and then their partnership progressed naturally? What if the inorganic creations fell in love as an unorthodox power couple and just so happened to resemble a famous partnership?
#sonic the hedgehog#metal sonic#metdoll#tails doll#i just be ramblin#I am a great Sontails enjoyer okay#and I would be lying if I said I didn't originally consider this pairing because of this#However there is hilarity in making the relationship coincidental and have nothing to do with Sonic & Tails as there is interest to me in#inorganic beings growing close to each other and experiencing feelings they should not be able to#Eggman has a knack for even accidentally creating robots with souls#But also while I love the 'robot learns about love by spending time with a human'#I think it would be interesting for two inorganic beings to grow souls and develop/navigate feelings they should not be able to#feel together‚ even if they don't quite understand the exact nature of their relationship or what 'love' is (or possibly even that it *is*#form of love)#I think of two beings who are not supposed to be 'real' so to speak developing that quality of 'realness' by seeing each other#Kingdom Hearts did this to me btw#Nobodies and data copies and replicas and toys and HECK even in terms of people that are considered real#The ability to grow hearts when others see you and believe that you are real#The idea that you only truly exist when someone else sees you and believes in that existence#kingdom hearts has forever affected the chemistry of my brain#Oh and also if you're reading this and you do see me make a post later that's more related to Metal and Tails doll forming any sort of bond#because of Sonic and Tails‚ know that I am aware of this. I know what I said#The dynamic I've talked about here is a preferred one but I contain multitudes and sometimes it is fun to be like 'this relationship began#in any capacity because of sonic and tails' even if it could hypothetically develop without that connection#anyways#Metdoll💖💖#Oh wait one last thing. While this is a ship post I'm actually a bit fan of complex relationships#So if you have to put a name to the desired relationship I put Metdoll in it's better described as queerplatonic‚ but it's complex#They're just not siblings to each other. That's all#au musings
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Gtting excessively mad over stupid Hamlet analysis
#girl you wrote a whole book on this? lmao#you shouldn't be allowed to write analysis on Hamlet (the play) if you dislike Hamlet (the character)#and 'Ophelia is the only character that is true to her desires' What are you talking about?#no one can figure out if she truly loved Hamlet because she literally says 'i do not know what to think' and drops him the moment#her father + brother tell her to#she deserves better analysis that someone deciding she's the perfect courageous victim#have they actually read the play?#I'm skipping this one#personal
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dr stone is so funny bc its literally giving the most traumatised people on earth the chance to rebuild the world and what do you know it, they choose eugenics and tyranny (aka nearly all antagonists). the only downside to the series (which also happens to be a hilarious upside) is that we dont know anything about most character's backstories so we're just left to assume that they're murderous trigger happy loons just because ?? a literal let gays do crime moment except the crime is serial murders of underage children
#dr stone#this post is about stanxeno (but also tsukasa and hyoga and like...nearly all antags LOL)#but i really like thinking that the only reason senku and the kingdom of science can still believe so wholeheartedly in humanity#is a sort of teenage innocence that cannot be replicated and will erode with time/experience#which is what happened with xeno + stanley and tsukasa#im not condoning murder of teens i am just saying#there is a sort of unfounded belief in humanity that you only truly hold in your childhood to teen years#that is so pure and untarnished that you would do anything for it#and you either hold onto it despite the world (ukyo) or youre worn out and jaded by the world (xeno)#kinda wish they expanded more on this tbh....the philosophy behind altruism and the pains of growing up and understanding an imperfect worl#and realising your helplessness against it#but having the desire to rise up and believe in humanity despite so#anyway im having Thoughts and procrastinating on drawing LOL
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