#what do you mean ten points off for saving an idiot's life

[jxurnes]

exactly. if i blowtorched snape's face i wouldn't be failing potions

It’s curse magic ice so that’s why it takes a bit probably 🤷‍♂️

tsk. i should've brought a flamethrower to make the process go faster

[nodirectionhome-ao3]

Victorious

Written for Jilytoberfest 31 Prompts Day 30: "Where's the trophy? He just comes running over to me."

——

She can hardly think over the roaring of the crowd. The buzz of it seems to vibrate in her very skull, pounding with a force that matches the thrum of her heart in her ribcage. All around her, the crowd of scarlet watches the Seekers dive towards the Snitch–Elton Ackerley versus Regulus Black, a battle that no longer matters. 

“What is Black doing?” cries a voice from beside Lily. Mary’s voice, positively baffled. Bless her. “Slytherin’s down by four hundred, for Merlin’s sake. Doesn’t that idiot know his team needs to score more before he ends the match?”

“Probably not,” snorts Sirius from behind them. “That fucking idiot can’t count to save his life.”

“Bet he knows there’s no hope, with the way Potter’s been playing,” counters Bridget, smugly. “Reckon he’s just trying to put an end to Slytherin’s humiliation, at this point.”

Lily feels a smile warm her cheeks. It’s true, and they all know it. Even if Black does manage to nab the Snitch for Slytherin, the one-hundred-and-fifty points wouldn’t even put a dent in Gryffindor’s lead. There’s only really one player who can be blamed for that lead—a certain dark-haired wonder with windswept hair and jaw-dropping speed and perfect bloody dexterous hands and—

“Another goal for Gryffindor!” booms the announcer, his voice rattling through Lily’s head. “That’s right, Potter! You show those scaly serpent twats—sorry, Professor McGonagall, I mean—another excellent play by Gryffindor’s captain! He’s really on a roll today, isn’t he?”

On a roll, indeed. Lily is screaming before she knows it, her voice growing hoarse with each ‘go, James!’ that rips itself from her throat. She’s spent so many years scoffing at Quidditch, denying herself this joy. And for what—for what? 

Merlin. 

It’s freeing to just bloody enjoy it. To lose herself in it. To jump with that crowd of scarlet around her. To laugh with each jeer that Sirius sends his brother’s way. To scream. To holler. To sing. To watch James dip and glide and roll. To feel her cheeks grow as red as his. To let her mind go fuzzy at that heart-stopping smile of his, that fierce determination on his face whenever he closes his hands around the Quaffle, the sweat that dampens his hair, the way his arm looks when he lifts it for a throw—

Fucking hell.

“Ackerley and Black are neck and neck now! The Snitch is within reach, it’s anyone’s catch now—come on Ackerley—sorry, Professor—”

A collective shout ripples through the crowd—a chorus of ‘come on Ackerley!’ that Lily doesn’t join. Her eyes stay fixed on the Chaser who sails above, putting his body between the Slytherin Beaters and his teammate. Daring them to try anything. Daring them to send a Bludger his way. And he’d bloody do it too, Lily knows without question. James Potter, in all his stupid, self-sacrificing recklessness, would take a Bludger to the head to spare his team’s Seeker without a lick of regret. The nerve of him. The stupid, reckless, admirable, noble, beautiful—

“Ackerley’s got it! He’s got the Snitch! And that’s it! Gryffindor wins five-hundred-and-sixty to ten!”

The crowd breaks into a whole new kind of roar. Lily is right there with them, throwing her arms around Mary and Bridget in turn. Jumping. Screaming. Kicking her feet when Sirius hoists her up and spins her around, hollering in her ear. 

James is a blur as he sails down to Ackerley, pulling the scrawny kid halfway off his broom in a jubilant hug. When they break apart, he’s hoisting Ackerley’s arm into the air in triumph, clapping him on the back and grinning widely enough to melt Lily’s heart into a puddle right bloody there.

The crowd is chanting. “Ackerley! Ackerley! Ackerley!” James, maddeningly content to let the Seeker take the credit for a victory that is really all his, waves his arms in an upward motion at the crowd—signaling them to shout louder, louder, louder.

The crowd in the stands begins to rush downwards—a sea of scarlet converging on the grass below to mob the team where some of them are beginning to land. It’s a big fucking deal, this victory—the first time Gryffindor has beaten Slytherin in ten years. Never mind that the leaves on the trees are just beginning to change and the Quidditch Final is still months away. Never mind that this is the first match of the season. This victory is a big fucking deal and Gryffindor will treat is as such. Lily would be right there with them, if she could bring herself to move a muscle. 

She stays rooted in the spot, her eyes locked on where James is now hovering mid-air, seemingly oblivious now to how his teammates are peeling away around him—swooping down to join the celebrations on the pitch below. He doesn’t seem to notice the trophy that Sirius has conjured (depicting a lion eating a snake, of course), or the chanting that’s somehow changed from ‘Ackerley! Ackerley! Ackerley!’ to ‘Potter! Potter! Potter!’ He’s looking directly at Lily instead—grinning at her— and she’s looking at him, giggling.

“Potter! Potter! Potter!”

James begins to move, but not in the direction anyone is expecting. His eyes never leaving Lily’s, he draws closer, closer, closer. Until he’s dismounting right there in the stands, tossing his broom down without a second glance and clambering over a bench.

“James!” Lily shouts, scrambling over the rows before her to meet him halfway. “James, you did it! You were amazing! You—”

He stops her words with a kiss—warm and desperate and bloody electric. The roar of the crowd grows impossibly louder, and Lily’s mind is wiped blank—blissfully, beautifully blank. Her fingers dig into his Quidditch robes, her heart exploding in her chest, and all those silly reasons they’d had for keeping their relationship secret are worlds away, dissolved into nothingness with the feel of his lips on hers. 

She feels him grin against her, feels the tickle of his voice when he whispers ‘Evans,’ before his lips are on hers again and his sturdy arms are sliding around her and the world is going topsy turvy because he’s fucking dipping her—right there in front of the whole bloody school.

The crowd is so loud now she can feel it in her veins. But all that matters is James—right here, right now, tangled up with Lily in this moment she hopes will last forever.

[pastanest]

A/N: unbelievably, this is the first actual piece of Doctor Who writing not counting the dogshit on my wattpad account we’ll all pretend that doesnt exist fr so please be nice x

Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve x gender neutral!reader

The Doctor x Short!Reader

- is cheeky about it but not outright mean, unless he’s in one of his God-humans-are-the-fucking-worst moods

“Honestly, it’s like you idiots are TRYING to wipe your own planet out of existence, and you, well, you can't even reach the top of your own cupboards! What use are any of you?!”

- you’re literally on his side and think the human race sucks but ok go off, way to throw us all under the bus lol

- he’ll apologize afterwards if you’re clearly upset or if he thinks he went too far

- most of the time it’s very lighthearted jabs at your height

- always waits a few seconds before helping you reach something because he thinks it’s funny and also very sweet but he won't dare admit that

- as much as he convinces himself and everyone he encounters that your height is solely something he finds hilarious on occasion, he can't help feeling a little more protective of you, like your smaller form makes you more likely to break

- very much still recovering from the Time War, he’s prone to overthinking disaster scenarios, especially when it comes to you

“Stay behind me. These creatures can't be trusted at the best of times.”

- but you always find a way to spin it into something more lighthearted, to ease his mind

“I’m a smaller target than you, so I like my chances! Perhaps it’s you that should stay behind me?”

- won't make fun unless he knows for a fact you’re comfortable with it

- as soon as he finds out you are, he makes jokes only in a very lighthearted way

- also comes up with cute nicknames to use when you’ve done something that’s impressed him, like saved a civilization or two while he was busy being broody and hot or something

“Oh, you little star!”

- generally speaking, he doesnt really care about your height, but he does find it endearing

- he’ll never see it as a point of weakness

- if he ever finds you struggling to reach something or down in the dumps about clothes not fitting you right because of your smaller proportions, he’s always right there to lift your chin back up and remind you of the wonderful person you are, that your stature holds no sway over how brilliant you are, especially not to him

“Some of the most mighty species in all the galaxies are the smallest ones you’ll find, some don't even have physical bodies big enough to detect with the human eye! Each and every one is perfectly unique in their own way, and you are no different. The stars you’ve seen in the night skies all your life, are they any less magical for appearing so small?”

“No…”

“Exactly! And, you know, the more humans I meet, the more I realize how similar you are to Time Lords.”

“In what way?”

- and then he’s grinning down at you, all giddy about getting to use the line he loves hearing more than any other

“You’re all so much bigger on the inside.”

- will make a joke about your height to test the water

- if your reaction tells him you’re not okay with it, he’ll feel guilty for the rest of eternity and never do it again

- but if you laugh with him or roll your eyes with a smile, he’ll grin like he’s accomplished something great, cracked some impossible code, and he will wear that like a badge of honor

- regardless of the fact you’ve made it clear he is allowed to make fun of your height, if anyone else does it in front of him, he doesn't like it

“Well, surely the smallest one should be sent in first, their loss would be the least noticeable!”

- and the Doctor is straight up, clapping his hands together and pointing in all directions as he lays out the plan of action very clearly to all involved, ending it by pointing at the man who dared make fun of you

“Now, you. From what I gather, jokes are supposed to be funny- supposed to land laughs with the nearest crowd; clearly you missed that memo, but that’s fine. Depending on (Y/N)’s reaction to your poor excuse for a joke, I’ve got a snowglobe with a blackhole suspended within it that I think you’d fit just perfectly in. (Y/N)?”

- the man looks terrified, and you try your best to refrain from laughing at him as you raise an eyebrow in dramatic silence

“Jury’s still out, see if he survives this first.”

the Doctor claps his hands again. “Cool! I’m never saying that again, but it would be very uncool of me to have to trap you inside a snowglobe that would tear you atom from atom in a continuous, brutal cycle, so consider that a warning.”

- takes the ABSOLUTE piss, don't ever think he won't

- will 110% pretend he can't see you and stare right over your head

- will 1000% make up short-based nicknames all the time

“Hello there, Short Round.”

“Really showing your age with that one.”

“Oh, what was that? A tiny and insignificant mouse, or perhaps it was the wind, arguing with me?”

- you’d think in all his whimsical, magical, time-travelling glory with his constant bustling about and his mind going a mile a minute in the most erratic fashion possible, he wouldn't notice your height, let alone find the time to make a joke in literally any setting, but oh boy, does he

“Is everyone clear on their roles in my carefully laid out plan, because I know that the accent can be difficult, but if I have to explain it again I think I’d rather do everything myself and you can all sit here with (Y/N) and applaud me when I get back.”

“Wait, sit here with me? Why aren't I coming with you?!”

“Because you’re-”

- he gestures to you with his hands, up and down, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and you’re sighing because you already know what he’s referring to

“What does my height have to do with anything?!”

“You’re all compact, like a foldable deckchair or one of those raincoats that turns into a conveniently sized pouch. It’s frankly distracting and my pockets are full so you cant sit in any of them.”

- he never laughs at his own jokes but sometimes he makes you WHEEZE with the inventive short jokes he comes up with

- similarly to Nine, though, he also can't help viewing you as more breakable, not only because you’re a human, but a very short one, too

- despite him completely understanding the biology of humans, he is convinced that a papercut on you is the same as an average-sized person getting stabbed

- so yes, he takes the piss at absolutely every chance he gets, but if he sees someone else trip you up by accident or hand you a piece of paper and it cuts your finger in the most barely noticeable way, he will be a GRUMP

- consider the paper in your hands stolen, read very passive aggressively, then scrunched up into a ball, possibly chewed or ripped apart or even thrown on the floor and stamped on

- consider the person who accidentally hurt you the subject of his rage until they are out of his sight. every time they speak, they’re met with a “Shut it!”

- and you’re like “Doctor, there’s really no need-”

“That IMBECILE tripped you up approximately 3 AND A HALF HOURS AGO, and you think I’m overreacting? You could have DIED!”

- such a drama queen

[kamiko1234]

Alright just got to chapter ten of The Lightning Thief and I have more thoughts.

So, first off : I stay firmly rooted in my opinion that Luke is great. I love him, I bet his hugs are great. He and Percy have a cool brotherly sort of friendship going on. Ngl ? Percy and Luke found family sounds GREAT to me. God knows that poor boy (Percy) could use someone like him (Luke) to look after him. (Sadly with Percy going off with Annabeth and Grover now it seems we'll see less of him, which is a crime imo. Give me my wholesome older bro character. Hope dies last tho, so I'll just hope I can get more of him over the course of the book and the rest of the series !) But also, the hint with his quest ? Naw that backstory is going to be SAD, my poor baby. I will cry over him. I may have only known him for a few chapters but damn, he's my favorite. Offical favorite. Like he deserves for radiating the biggest Teedy bear, Big Bro, Green Flag vibes in the entier series besides our beloved MC Percy. Second off, uh- the gods are sort of dicks ? Like, you are telling me that Poseidon was just A-okay with abandoning Percy for all his life and ONLY claimed him bc he needed him ???? Not cool ! But also, the implications of this ???? And the fact that apparently Percy is being send out on a quest at- what ? 12 ? 13 ? That is NOT safe, and the gods are apparently fine with it too ?????? Not to MENTION what happened with that Thalia girl !? Honestly, the fact that Zeus broke that sacred oath first did not surprise me, but also Hades wtf ?????? That's an innocent kid ! She isn't at fault here you idiot. That entier sittuation is some A+ child neglect and endangerment aswell as what I gotta assume attempted murder, someone call CPS on those guys or I will do it myself. What a bunch of a-holes. On a third note, so the prophecy said that Percy would be betrayed by a friend. Which means I gotta scrap my previous suspicions of Clarisse or any Ares kid, they and Percy are NOT friends. My next best guess would be Annabeth. She's the next best friend of Percy, and she's on the quest with him which would give us good opportunities. She DID seem weirdly enthusiastic to go on a live threatening quest.

Not to mention that Annabeth is a child of Athena, and it was stated that she (Athena) has a rivalry with Poseidon going on. Maybe Athena's in on the plot to steal the Master Bolt and frame Poseidon due to a grudge from that, and Annabeth as her kid acts on her behalf.

But also, she's like- the only one I can reasonably imagine doing it. Besides here Percy has like, two other friends. Grover and Luke. Grover is the ultimate dork, but also has more than enough motives to specifically STAY loyal. Besides the obvious thing of getting his license, he's been Percy's oldest friend at that point. he cares for him. As for Luke, I just don't think he's the type to do that, yk ? As far as I've seen the guy is nothing but caring, he teached Percy and welcomed him ! Even going out of his way to train him when the other campers were avoiding him after he'd been claimed. Why would Luke do that if he'd just betray him at the end ? He's seemingly being written out of the book for now too, when should he get the chance to betray Percy ? (He did have that one weird line about looking evil that one time which confused me a bit ???? Ngl imma just assume he has a cool badass side, like the cool badass dude he is. Did I say that I really like Luke already ?) My fourth point : the line in the prophecy saying Percy'll fail to save what's most important will be him failing to save his Mom from the underworld. Hades' is built up to be the big bad, and he rules the underworld where Percy's mom is currently in. He cares a whole lot about her and Percy did think about saving her already. And last but not least, I think Annabeth betraying Percy will lead to him not being able to save his Mom. I'd imagine it'd go like this : Percy, Annabeth and Grover go to the underworld to get the Master Bolt from Hades (which I assume is the big bad) and to save Percy's mom. They manage to get the Master Bolt, and are about to save Percy's mom when Annabeth reveals herself and betrays them. Causing Percy and Grover to be unable to get Sally. And that was all ! PS: OMG OK I JUST STARTED WITH CHAPTER 10 AND I NEEDED TO GET THIS OUT WITHOUT WAITING FOR THE NEXT POST. I FUCKING LOVE LUKE, buddy sprinted up there so say goodbey AND he handed Percy those sneakers ?

Naw I'm convinced of my theory now. No WAY Luke could ever be a bad guy ! Why go through all that trouble just to betray Percy in the end ? But also, found family sense are going strong in me rn. Greenest Flag if I have ever seen one. BUT ALSO HE GIVES HEADPATS ? AKJFHQILUWEZBDIL I do still think he has some issues going on tho, poor lad. I hope he get's therapy and a good hug. he deserves it.

[callsigndragon]

What were you thinking? | Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw

Word count: 1.3k

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x reader (pilot, wizzo... it's not specifies)

Warnings: mentions of Bradley's accident, yelling, swearing, maybe? i can't recall.

Prompt: yelling at them because they thought they'd lose them

It was difficult for Bradley to imagine a world in which his godfather, Mav, wasn’t present. That’s why when Maverick put himself in danger just to save him, he didn’t think twice and did what he thought was right. He put himself in risk, crashed his plane, and almost got himself killed just to prove that Maverick was still alive. 

Later on, Bradley would realize how wrong and how stupid he was. But that was something the Bradley of the future would have to worry about, not him. But then, just when he was about to jump into that old F-14 that neither he nor Mav knew if it worked, he remembered that there was someone waiting for him back in the carrier. You. The sweetest girl in the world, who had always been at his side ever since they met. 

The girl that right before he got into his plane made him promise that he wouldn’t do anything stupid. That he would come back to her. 

And guess what he just did. 

Now he just can pray and hope for Maverick to fly the F-14 back to the carrier without killing both of them. 

Fortunately, both pilots land on the carrier safe and sound, thanks to Hangman’s help. He gets out of the plane, celebrates with the rest of the Dagger squad the success of the mission, and then, when he turns around to look at you, the first thing he sees is your hand flying to slap his cheek. 

Needless to say, all celebrations stop right there and then. 

 “What was that for?” Bradley whines while rubbing his reddening skin.

“What was that for? Bradley, you crashed your aircraft. On purpose!” Your voice starts raising up with each word, and all the people around you decide that it’s a very good moment to leave and get back to work. 

Phoenix looks at Bradley, mouthing a big ‘you fucked up’ before leaving with the rest of the pilots and wizzos. 

“I had to save Mav, I told y’all he was alive.” Bradley waves it off, unzipping his flight suit. 

“And that justifies you risking your life like it means nothing.” You grab his helmet and throw it against his chest, but Bradley is quick enough to stop it with his hands. “You’re an absolute, massive, major himbo, Rooster.” 

“Oh yeah, that I am. But you don’t have to scream it around for everyone to hear!” 

“Don’t yell at me, Bradley Bradshaw.” You point a finger at him. “Because I’m not the one that almost got himself killed.” 

“I didn’t get myself killed, right? So stop yelling, for fuck’s sake.” He raises his voice too, matching your level. 

“You would be doing the exam same thing if I was the one that crashed his plane!” You make your final point, turning around on your heels and trying really hard to not cry. 

Deep down, Rooster knows you’re right. If you had been the one performing that stunt, he would have done the exact same thing you’re doing right now: yell at you. And that’s when he understands that you’re not doing it because you’re mad at him, even though it’s obvious that you are, but because you are scared. Scared of losing him. And he, instead of reassuring you that everything was okay now and that he would not do that again, just raised your voice and made the situation ten times worse. 

What an idiot he was. 

He finds you in your room, sitting in your bed, knees close to your chest and head between them, shielding yourself away from the world. Bradley knocks softly on the frame of the door, clearing his throat before he speaks. “Can I come in?” 

“If you’re gonna yell at me again, you can leave.” You say, voice muffled as you don’t raise your head to look at him. 

“I came to apologize. I can get on my knees if you want me to.” 

You raise your head, only enough for your eyes to be visible. “You wouldn’t dare.” 

He tilts his head, eyebrow raised and a smirk. “Is that a challenge?” 

You shrug, and he gets down on his knees, crawling to your bed, and making you chuckle at the vision of this tall man walking like this. “You’re an idiot.” 

“Yeah, in more ways than I like to admit.” He taps his index finger against your hand, waiting for you to open it, so he can grab it. You only move your pinky, and he grabs it with his own. “You were scared and instead of telling you that I won’t be doing that stupid thing again, I yelled at you. I’m sorry, love.” 

You let out a shaky breath, still shaken up by the whole succession of events. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you either, Roos. I’m sorry, too.” 

“It’s okay. We’re both idiots. I’m the bigger one, though. You can’t take that away from me.” 

You snort, shaking your head before circling your hand around his finger. “What were you thinking, Bradley?” 

“Well… actually, I didn’t think. Mav told to not think, just do. To follow my instincts.” 

You close your eyes for a second, taking a deep breath to not yell at him again after hearing the reason why he risked his life. “And your instincts told you the best thing you could do was to turn back and crash the plain?” 

His lips form a straight line when he realizes what he just said. “Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea.” 

“It should have never been an idea, in the first place.” You retort, flicking him on the forehead. 

He rubs the spot gently, nodding at your words. “You’re right. And I won’t do anything so stupid ever again. I’ll come back to you, sweets. Always.” 

“You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep.” 

“But I can try. And I’ll try every day for the rest of my life.” He swears, holding your hand against his chest, over his heart, a silent promise that he will try to return home safe and sound for you. “Am I forgiven?” 

“For now. Come here and give me a hug, you big idiot.” 

He lies on the bed with you, hugging you close and smelling the sweet perfume that lingers on your clothes, taking a deep breath now that he’s finally home. You’re his home. 

He’s about to fall asleep when a knock on the door makes him groan. Who’s disturbing this perfect moment of peace? 

He looks at the door, watching Hondo standing there, an angry, yet relieved, expression on his face. “Cyclone is looking for you.” 

“Cyclone?” 

“Yeah, you have to explain to him why did you go against direct orders and crashed a multi-million dollar aircraft.” He explains before he leaves. 

You look at him, biting your lip to not laugh. “You’re fucked up.” 

He lets his head fall again in your chest, groaning. “Do you think if I walk in Cyclone’s office on my knees, he’ll be less angry?”

“I don’t think that’ll work with him.” 

“Well, at least I can try.” He says, getting up from the bed and getting ready to beg Cyclone to not kick him out of the Navy. 

“Next time, think first, then do.” You say between chuckles, earning a middle-finger from Rooster before he leaves the room. 

[tiny-cloud-dragon]

FF7: Random Bits 02 - Chapter 1

I went to my old fanfiction.net page and started trying to recover my fics that I have posted there. I'm trying to get them saved on my laptop since they went bye-bye on my damaged external drive.

This is an AU where Zack never died, and it takes place after the events of Advent Children. The two idiots have started their own army for undisclosed reasons (aka I couldn't think of a good one, but thought it would be fun if they did).

[Setting: Zack and Cloud are out in the field, terrorizing,..er, training the new cadets.]

[Location: Training field, early morning. The new cadets are learning all about marching columns.]

"You call that a marching column?!" Zack snapped at the cadets lined up in front of him.

"Look at this, Cloud!" he continued in exaggerated disgust.

"They think that raggedy mess is a proper line!"

"I've seen circles with straighter lines." Cloud agreed quietly.

"You hear that?" Zack shouted at the trembling cadets

"General Strife has seen circles, circles, with straighter lines!"

"Your granny's back is straighter,"

"My granny's back is straighter, and she has scoliosis!"

A snort of amusement emanated from the group of new cadets, fluttering skyward like a bird breaking cover. The entire platoon, as one man, tensed up like a cable under strain.

Zack's glowing eyes pinned the offender with a sharp, disapproving gaze. The young man was suddenly treated to an unwanted close up of Zack's face. The term 'high definition' took on a whole new meaning.

"Did you just laugh at my granny, cadet?" Zack growled, the sound resonating all the way down the chain of evolution to snarl threateningly at the cadet's vestigial inner prey animal.

"S-s-sir, No Sir!" the cadet shouted desperately from his unwanted 4k view of his life going down the toilet. Tickets to the show must have been sold out because the rest of the platoon had somehow managed to take ten steps away from him without doing anything as offensive as actually moving.

"It sounds like he thinks your granny's back problems are funny." Cloud remarked casually.

"You think my granny's crooked back is funny?"

"Sir, NO SIR!"

"I should certainly hope not! She ruined her back spending years doing back-breaking work,"

"Hoeing," Cloud interjected.

"Hoeing every day!" Zack continued without missing a beat.

"Something wrong with hoeing, cadet?" Zack bellowed a mere hair's breadth from the young man's face as he tried and failed to hide a smile that was slowly crawling across his mouth like a sine wave.

"I don't think he likes hoes," Cloud said in that off-handed tone.

"You got something against hoes?" Zack demanded. "Do you know how many businesses would be shut down without hoes?"

"People would starve,"

"People would starve, cadet. Starve!" Zack shouted. "Have you ever tried to garden without a hoe? My granny can't grow vegetables without a hoe! You want her out there, with her crooked back, pulling weeds by hand so you can have fresh vegetables?"

"He's grinning like he needs more vegetables in his diet..." Cloud pointed out.

"Is that why you're grinning like that, cadet? Your guts have a hostage situation going on?"

The cadet's face went red under the strain as the laughter built up to critical levels and he desperately tried to keep the lid on it. The tendons on his neck stuck out like cords as his lips peeled slowly back from his teeth. Tears began streaming from his eyes.

"That's one heck of a bathroom war face."

"That's what happens when you don't like hoes," Zack continued mercilessly, "You can't grow vegetables, so you can't eat vegetables, so you get the dry butt-brownies! It's just wrong!"

"Irregular."

Zack turned away, deciding that the young man had suffered enough. The poor kid was still just a cadet after all. He made a low woof! sound and one his large mako-wolves appeared. Sparkling a faint blue around the edges, the wolf bellied up to its pack leader, waiting for his command.

The ability to summon a whole pack of the creatures was one of Zack's special abilities. It turned out that SOLDIERs could continue to evolve, and most gained a variety of unique personal abilities, along with the ability to take on an alternate animal form after gaining their wings and reaching the rank of 1st Class ELITE.

Zack looked down at the fawning wolf and said "Bring me a hoe!"

The wolf poofed away, and reappeared seconds later with Scarlet, who was not at all happy with her lunch being interrupted.

“No!” Zack said snapped, impatiently at the wolf , “A garden hoe!”

The mako wolf poofed away, taking an irately screaming Scarlet with him, and returned moments later with the correct item. Zack took it, and dismissed the wolf with a pat on the head and a "good boy!"

He turned to the trembling cadet and said "This is your hoe. You will carry it with you at all times. If an officer asks you why you are carrying it, you will respond with, 'This is my hoe! I love hoes, sir'!"

"And hug it," Cloud added.

"And you will hug that hoe, cadet! Is that clear?"

"Sir, yes sir!" the cadet replied in a carefully measured tone even though he was screaming internally.

"Now line up!" Zack ordered. The cadets snapped into a much better version of a tidy marching column. Good job, boys! he thought proudly, while maintaining the outward expression suggesting that the cadets had just barely avoided the grade of U for Unsatisfactory.

Zack stepped aside and relinquished command to Cloud with a flashy salute. It was his turn to observe and take notes on performance.

"Cadets, forward march!" Cloud moved the cadets forward and started the marching cadence.

"I'm a Barbie girl,"

"In a Barbie world!"

Zack relaxed into a comfortable slouch, recording the drill on one of their fancy new camcorders. All of their drills, exercises and activities were recorded strictly for evaluation purposes to determine what methods and techniques would work best for each group (and in some cases, individuals), and what parts of the program needed adjusting. It was definitely NOT so Zack and Cloud could watch them later in their quarters while eating snacks and laughing.

Zack caught movement out of the corner of his eye and he left the camera on its tri-pod, setting it to follow the tracker on Cloud's armband. Memory sidled up and went pssst! as it passed him a mental note. Oh, yeah, Him! Zack thought with a mischievous grin. The Inspector had arrived, and he already looked unhappy.

[juststoriesintheend]

at this point in my life - part i

Pairing: Mae Aniseya x sapphic gn!Reader

Content: inspired by Tracy Chapman's song of the same name; modern au, folk singer au, reunited exes, angst with a happy ending, Qimir is implied to be an abusive/toxic partner

Word Count: 1.9k

《 [series masterlist] 》 《 ii 》

at this point in my life, i've done so many things wrong i don't know if i can do right

if you put your trust in me, hope i won't let you down if you give me a chance, i'll try

It’s bittersweet to be on this stage again. For the last time, says the little voice at the back of her head. The shame that accompanies it is bitter enough that she can hardly swallow it. But she tries. She has to. She can’t sing and be choking on bile at the same time.

Mae looks out at the dwindling crowd and she’s not sure how to feel about what she sees. It’s the last night of the performance season, so bar-goers are tired and eager to relax on their Saturday nights, which means they’re not showing up. She supposes that means there’s less people to be nervous about, less hope to build up in her chest. If anything, it’s a sign - someone’s trying to tell her, and has been for years now, to quit the dream while she’s ahead.

The voice sounds a bit too much like Oshie’s dad for her liking, so she chases it away with a shot of something bitter and wipes the back of her hand over her eyes. Bittersweet? Yeah. But sad? Hell no. This is her grand finale. She’s going out with a bang, and damn every asshole who ever told her she couldn’t do it, even if they were right.

So it really fucking sucks when she’s halfway through her set, feeling more on top of the world than she ever has before, and she looks up just in time to catch a glimpse of you. Your smile flashes in the strobe lights, and the chain at your throat gleams when you move. Mae almost misses her next line, but she manages to save it at the very last moment. You’re not here with Oshie - a relief - and that means you’re not here with Qimir either - thank god.

You have new friends, it looks like: a button-nosed girl, her hair streaked with neon green, and an awkward-looking pretty boy whose locs are short enough to stick out awkwardly over the side of his head. At least your taste has improved.

Mae swallows her nerves and drops her head a bit, letting her gaze wander over the neck of her guitar. She focuses better when she can’t see your eyes. It’s always been that way, and she hates that some things stay the same even now. Still, she pulls through. She finishes the set and she doesn’t cry, she doesn’t lose her voice or forget her words, and she doesn’t totally bomb like she has every single night before this one.

It’s just enough, but it’s far too late to make a difference. Like everything else in her life.

A heartfelt thank you and an awkward bow are all she leaves in her wake, though she’s not entirely sure she didn’t leave her heart on that stage. Or with you. Either way, there’s nothing left in the gaping wound Mae calls a chest cavity once she’s stuffed into the wings and packing her guitar into its case. There’s only the thunder of adrenaline in her ears and the nauseating turn of her stomach when she breathes.

“Hey, man, great job! You fucking killed it out there!”

It’s one of the techies, an annoyingly sweet gay guy who is so cheerful that Mae’s considered whacking him in the esophagus at least ten times by now. He claps his hand on her shoulder a little too hard, but she smells the vodka off him before she can even raise her hand. Idiot.

Through gritted teeth, she acquiesces with a very polite, “Thank you.”

“Knew you’d bring the house down eventually.”

Oh, ‘cause that makes her feel so much better. “Yep. Thanks.” And she hopes that the aggressive flicking of the clasps on her guitar case will be enough of a sign for him to back off.

God, she needs a drink. Preferably something with vodka or gin so she can forget about everything hammering away inside her head and just black out.

You meet her at the bar. Or rather, you’re already waiting for her by the time she drags her sorry ass out and orders an obscenely titled drink that’s bound to taste like lighter fluid. Your fingernails tap lightly on the glass in your hands, your eyes flickering and sparkling all over like little fireworks. Mae thinks you look pretty when the lights switch from white to hazy pinks and blues.

“Hey.”

She nods once, but she doesn’t allow herself to look above the line of your shoulders. “Hey.”

“You sounded good. I liked your set.”

Of course you do. She wrote half those songs about you. “Didn’t think I’d see you here,” Mae grumbles as she tips back another shot.

And even if she was looking at you, Mae wouldn’t need to in order to know you’re frowning. She hears it in your voice when you very pointedly reply, “I promised, didn’t I?”

You did indeed. But people say all kinds of things when they think they’re in love, and they don’t usually follow through on such promises when the romance fizzles out. Never in a million years would she have held you to an oath you made an entire lifetime ago. She’s not that kind of woman.

Rather than say any of this, though, Mae decides to throw caution to the wind and allow her curiosity to guide her. She turns and leans until both her elbows are resting on the bar. She hopes she looks effortless and cool, but with her luck it’s probably achieved the exact opposite effect.

“What’s with the clique? My sister and her boyfriend not interesting enough for you, or did you finally get tired of them fucking the personality out each other and decide to try something new?”

It’s a low blow. It’s cruel. But when has she ever been anything other than that? The jab certainly hits, judging by the furrowing of your brows and the swirling mess of pain in your irises, and Mae can’t help feeling proud of herself for it.

You take another sip of your drink that outlasts the ticking of irritation in the vein above your eyebrow. “Jecki and Yord. We met at pride last month. You’d like them.” A pause as you consider your words. And then the other shoe drops. “If you weren’t so busy being a dick, at least.”

The liquor in her stomach damn near curdles. “So that’s why you came?” she asks as she forces herself into your personal space, lips curling and her heart threatening to beat right out of her chest. “Wanted to rub some salt in the wound, huh, babe?”

“I wanted to see your last performance. I wanted to support you,” you snap.

Instead of backing down, you’ve stood your ground. You’re not impressed by her petty attempts at intimidation, which leaves Mae feeling lost in the cavernous space between her rage and her desire. Six months out and you still know exactly how to push all her buttons.

“Maybe you should’ve thought of that before you went chasing after Osha like a lovesick puppy.”

The stool you’re sitting on shrieks across the floor when you stand, your face suddenly filling the entirety of Mae’s vision. “I wasn’t aware I had to choose between my best friend and my girlfriend.”

“Yeah,” she snorts, “well, you chose wrong anyway.”

“Maybe if you’d just talked to me like a normal person, I would’ve made a better choice. But you never did know how to fucking communicate.”

She hates you. She hates you because you’re right, and she hates herself because she knows it. And she hates Qimir for stealing her sister, and she hates Osha for leaving, and she hates Sol for loving everyone except her. And most importantly, she hates that she ever loved you in the first place because it killed her to watch you leave, just like it kills her to look you in the eyes now and see what she might’ve had if she’d been a little wiser and a little braver. But she’s never been either of those things. Love is just a game that cowards like her can never win.

“You’re such a fucking idiot sometimes.”

Mae smiles until it feels like her face breaks. “I’ll add it to the list of fuck-ups and grievances.”

The bar’s starting to get fuzzy. Not literally, of course, but wouldn’t that be funny? The walls are growing distant and all the people have started to lose their individuality, slowly morphing into a vague conglomerate of limbs and booze. The vodka’s kicking in. Fucking finally.

Maybe that’s why it scares her so much when you grab her by the hand. She feels your skin on hers and she jolts like she’s been electrocuted.

“Mae,” and your voice is soft again, no longer highlighted with red pen like a failed report card. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t know.”

“Clearly.”

“Mae. Please” You look at her like you do in her dreams, all pleading eyes and backlit by grief.

“Whaddyu want me to say?” she slurs when a surprisingly strong wave of intoxication almost bowls her over. “You chose Oshie. And Qimir. And you should’ve chosen me.”

It’s startling how serious you look when you nod in agreement. “I know. I was wrong.”

The bar glitches in and out of existence for a couple seconds, and for a moment, Mae thinks she’s back in that shitty apartment, sprawled out on the mattress with you, choking on her secrets because you deserve someone better than her. She’d take you down into the rubble and the gore, not because she wants to share it with you but because she’s never known anything else. So she let the prophecy fulfill itself, and she chose perfect misery over imperfect love.

“I didn’t want to come here to upset you.”

Mae blinks and she’s back in the present, looking into your eyes and regretting everything.

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I thought I was being a good friend. I didn’t know the kind of guy Qimir was.”

Not many people do. He’s good at the two-faced persona, good enough to brainwash her sister and take you with them like some fucking prized pony, and all for what? Because she turned him down? Because she said she wasn’t interested?

“I wish you’d told me, Mae, but I understand why you didn’t.”

She wishes that, too. But if there’s a common theme in Mae’s life, it’s regret and poor timing. She never seems to do anything in the right order, or anything right at all.

She smiles, and this time she cries. “Yeah, well. You know how it is. I always fuck shit up.” Her throat feels raw and dry and drowning all at once. “Wish I hadn’t fucked you up along the way, but-”

“You didn’t.”

It’s sweet of you to lie, sweet enough that Mae feels her entire bottom lip quiver.

Your palm finds the curve of her forearm, then her elbow, gentle but strong the same way that you are deep in your heart, and Mae feels lost and found and dizzy from it. She finds herself looking in your eyes despite her better judgment, exposing herself like a raw nerve under your surgical knife, but you’ve always been good to her, you’ve never cut her like the rest of the world has. And she misses you. Even if she hates you. Even if she hates herself.

“I’m sorry,” you say, solemn as a prayer, as you draw her into your embrace. She goes willingly. “For everything. I know you can’t forgive me, but I just… I wanted you to know.”

Oh, she knows. She’s always known.

taglist: @wolffegirlsunite @thatlittlered @padawancat97

[the-heart-of-a-monster]

Wow. Just... Wow. That is literally all I can say about this newest page, if I'm being completely honest. When I said I wanted angst and feels and even more angst, I was not expecting a full-on mental breakdown!

But I'm still absolutely amazed with what you've done so I'm giving you a million out of ten stars, you're welcome and thank you.

---

I am gonna go in DEPTH for this one, boiz! I even have a whole other tab open so I can read this page word for word! That's how you can tell how genuinely serious I am about this.

Okay, so to talk about this page, I actually have to go all the way back to the previous one, so I accidentally have a whole other tab open as well so woohoo!

What Shadow says in the last panel of the previous page is "That's making it worse, idiot!" And we can see the Gaia energy literally burning from his own body. Gaia energy, as I put it last time, may feed on your negative energy, but it uses that to "Control" you. idk if that's even true anymore or if it is true but only for a select few. but what we see here is certainly not that! The Gaia energy is literally just. Feeding off of Shadow's negative energy, aka the negative half of his life force. There's a reason why people always feel fatigued when the Dark Gaia energy within them has left, and it's because the energy is feeding off of their energy and thus draining their life force. Don't believe me? Think back to your middleschool science class. (I'm not trying to be sarcastic here. Sorry bout that!)

Thus, what's happening to Shadow is literally just the Gaia energy replacing his regular negative life force, at least until that original energy has been completely consumed. What Shadow's saying here... They're his own thoughts. His own feelings and emotions. Shadow is tired, man. And he just wants everything to be over and done with. And the immense negativity in the air isn't helping. So he's just accidentally let the door open for all that bad energy to sneak in and steal his own energy, which is why Shadow's seemingly smoldering when yelling at Sonic.

I mean, does this seem like something Dark Gaia would say? "That's making it worse, idiot!" is a response to "It's just easier to keep up the act than admit to having lied to my little brother."

No. It wouldn't. This is completely and wholeheartedly Shadow the Hedgehog speaking to Sonic. And the Blue Blur knows it.

Sonic's breakdown is a window into his own thoughts, obviously, but to me it's something much more than that. Sonic, in the eyes of the public, is a hero. Someone who is sacrificial and supportive to a default. Someone who will never crack even under the heaviest weights in the world. Someone who will always be there to fix the damage someone else has caused. Someone who will reign supreme. Someone who will do whatever it takes to save/fix the world from any evil.

In the eyes of Shadow, Sonic's just a kid looking for love. A kid who is looking for the same respect he gives to the world. A kid who's lost and hasn't yet been found. A kid who's just trying to do what's right.

A martyr.

"Can't really get much worse than this! I have to worry about Tails, G.U.N., getting rid of those monsters... Fixing the emeralds- Fixing the ENTIRE WORLD..."

Sonic feels alone. He has Shadow with him, but at this point, Shadow doesn't even feel like much of an ally and instead more like a... A bodyguard. Made to stand there by his side and make sure he doesn't go berserk. Shadow, to Sonic, must feel like such a fool for thinking about going with his blue counterpart. Because according to the Ultimate Lifeform, Sonic's not doing anything right. He isn't being a hero, like he's supposed to be. The long list of things Sonic has to worry about is full of things he has yet to complete, and piling Shadow's condescending mood on top of that just adds a whole other layer of stress and anxiety that will utterly destroy Sonic if he let alone leans the wrong way.

Sonic doesn't know who he is or what he's supposed to do right now. He's dealt with the occasional bad guy other than Eggman before, but he's never tangled with a LITERAL GOD, and that confusion on what to do combined with his current state as the Werehog... He just doesn't feel good in his own skin right now.

"You're just tagging along to taunt me, aren't you??"

Sonic doesn't feel like himself. When he's in his normal hedgehog form, it's much easier for him to pretend that everything is fine and that he is fine and he'll fix everything right away! As the Werehog though, it shows all the ugly, dark, grotesque bits of Sonic's mind and mental stability. Everything about the Werehog's design here represents everything that Sonic doesn't want to be:

Tired. Vulnerable. Slow. Out of control. Ugly. A monster. Unaproachable. Untrustworthy. Heartless. Exhausted. Not up for the task. Scared. Lonely.

A Monster.

"YOU NEVER CARED ANYWAYS. Shadow the Hedgehog never had a heart."

...

He's projecting.

Shadow may be weary and exhausted from the energy that Dark Gaia is draining, but this was his whole idea all along. He just wanted Sonic to talk.

Little did he know that it probably maybe sorta backfired...? idk the background of the last panel is confusing-

---

I hope that made sense and I hope the repetition I used wasn't too... Repetitive. Thanks for reading, and I genuinely enjoyed reading this! Finally getting a glimpse into Sonic's mind via dialogue?? YES PLEASE!!!!!!!!

very good analysis :3 cant wait to hear what u have to say to the next page

everyone else take notes here 📑

[slicedmayonnaise]

Okay, Slice n Dice, I'm gonna rant, enjoy :3 (good luck)

When I first started reading WTE I was in an, "I'm not too big a fan of modern aus" mindset, and decided not to read it when I first saw it (Ford's top ten biggest mistakes).

One day, I was sitting on the floor, my third cup of iced coffee in my hand and Markiplier's rdr2 playthrough on my laptop and I thought to myself, "I wonder what WTEs about.." So I went back to good ol' ao3 and took a deeper look, aka read the first few chapters, oh my god did I regret not reading it sooner. I have a hard time immersing myself in stories because I get distracted so easily, but I was so immersed in the entire thing, that I could finally see in my tiny brain what was happening and it made me love the story even more.

After WTE I read BAE....hhhh I loved BAE....I ACTUALLY CRIED AT POINTS IN THOSE STORIES </3

Anyway, after WTE I didn't stop thinking about it, kinda just stared at my wall for half an hour looking confused, ik I'm going to do that exact thing once Washed Up is done, and I ain't complaining.

It actually took me a bit to read Washed Up too, after WTE I needed a break because I couldn't find any stories that matched how good it was, and for some reason, I didn't look at Washed Up which was literally created by the same person </333333 (I'm a little dumb)

When I'm hyperfixated on smth I get hyperfixated on things in that smth (like Javier) and I got hyperfixated on WTE (but I didn't draw fanart, which disappoints me) so that's another reason I didn't read Washed Up right away, I actually read WTE twice.

So I FINALLY started Washed Up and yeah that was the best thing I've ever done. Actually, this story might be one of the best fics I've ever read, I just absolutely love the slow burn that wasn't too short to be like, "What just happened?" and wasn't too long to make me get bored of the story, but in every chapter, I might've asked, "are they gonna kiss?"...

And the characters, omg, I actually didn't expect Vincente to turn out how he did, I love this version of him. and Eddie.......hhhhhhh Eddie.......I love Eddie...AND FLACO, WHEN I WAS READING THE TAGS I GOT SO SURPRISED THAT BRO WAS IN IT THAT EVERY TIME A NEW CHARACTER WAS INTRODUCED (without knowing their name ofc) I WAS LIKE, "Flaco?"

My reaction to when he showed up was priceless.

Okay, this rant went really off track-

I love how you sort of mixed like rdr canon into the story, but with your own like twist, yk, which is pretty much what the whole story is but you get what I mean (I hope-)

And Javier..oh poor Javier, he really won't like water now, or boats...sigh poor Javier </3

THE GIRLS TOO, I AM SO GLAD THEY WERE SAVED!!!!

Okay, this is getting really long I don't want to overwhelm you.

But just know, I love your story so much, I wish I had given it a chance right away because now it is one of my favorite things ever, and I hope you will write more in the future, speaking of the future I'm so excited for that spinoff with Flaco and Eddie.....so excited...

But thank you, for opening my eyes to a surfing au that I never expected to like so much, it didn't make me want to start surfing but that's okay cause I'm afraid of oceans.

AND I SWEAR I WILL DRAW WASHED UP FANART, I NEED IT IN MY LIFE, I JUST NEED AN IDEA, AND THEN WE'RE LOCKED IN!!!!!!

Okay, this was so long, oopsies-

THANK YOU <33333333

I was literally smiling like an idiot the entire time reading this oh my god. My cheeks hurt from smiling. I may or may not have also cried a little. Thank you thank you so so much oh my god 😭😭😭 <3<3<3<3<3<3 like idek what to say

I'm so so glad you like my fics and the way I write and like just thank you so much for all the feedback like idk what to say just thank you so so much. You have just made my entire year if not my entire life <3<3<3<3<3<3 thank you thank you!!!

[that-angry-noldo]

"You are reckless."

"Speak for yourself," Arafinwë snaps. Eönwë closes the enterance to the tent. "I am not half as reckless as you, and besides," he turns sharpy, eyes piercing and angry, "I am not a toddler in need of a guard. I do not need you to hover over me like I am going to die the second you turn around!"

"I do not hover over you!" Eönwë feels his voice rising as Arafinwë all but tears his armor off, throwing it on the ground with little to no regard. "I saved your life, Arafinwë! If I didn't turn around-"

"I would be just fine! By Varda, Eönwë - you grabbed me like I was a helpless kitten, I had it under control!"

"Your control," Eönwë spits, "would have landed you dead. You are reckless! Reckless, and - Manwë help me! Idiotic! You are an idiot! "

"Oh, well," Arafinwë hisses, "maybe my place isn't in the command, then. Maybe I should flee to the back lines, where I will be safe and sound and pliant, just as you want me to be. Maybe then my presence will finally stop distracting you! Go to hell, Eönwë. I don't need you here."

It stings, a little bit more than Eönwë is ready to admit. He takes a breath, counts to ten.

Minutes trickle by in a tense silence. Arafinwë picks up his armor and lays it into one pile in the corner; his lips are pursed. Eönw clenches his knuckles.

Finally, he speaks. "I thought about your words," he says coldly. Finarfin's face flares again, and he almost opens his mouth in a heated response; Eönwë glares, and Finarfin growls. "I do not think what I did was wrong."

"For the love of-"

"Shut up," Eönwë snaps, "and let me finish. I do not think I was wrong, but I also do not thing you are not capable - to fight, or to lead. That I want to be clear." He shakes his head. "You are capable of both, and brilliant in both, but it does not mean I would not interfere to stop a foe's sword from piercing your body, or to speak up if I think your plans have weak points. I value you, and, unfortunately, I happen to care for you, love it or not. And I do not want you to be reckless."

"You cannot tell me what to do."

"I cannot," Eönwë agrees, "but if it's your life on the line, I would do anything to perserve it. Even if it means following you to the gates of hell. Here! I care about you; and if that is not reason enough for you, I am sorry. But I will not stop."

"Then to the gates of hell we shall go," Arafinwë answers coldly. "Now leave. I heard you, but I still can't look at you and feel straight; go away, for your presence is not a comfort to me, not now. Come tomorrow, and I shall speak; then, but not now."

Eönwë inclines his head. "Good night to you," he says. "May your injury not hurt greatly."

"May your mouth slip mute for the shortest of minutes," Arafinwë sighs, irritated, and Eönwë scoffs.

He turnes his back and leaves the tent. Arafinwë's eyes are cold on his back.

Well, if that is a gratitude for saving the Ñoldóran's skin, Eönwë shall do it again even then. He shakes his head and heads to his tent.

[g33se]

Playing bg3 right now. Got to the point with the druids and the tiefling city. A couple of opinions about the party:

Lae'zel: I liked her a lot when I met her first (competent, straightforward, my type of girl) but she's being very rude about the tieflings. Given that I'm playing a tiefling... well. Not keen on the way she compared us to cockroaches or the way she made the tiefling bow- granted the tieflings did have reason to want to stab her. So liking her quite a bit less now. Still, looking at her respectfully. She is hot.

Shadowheart: Never really liked elves all that much. Not super keen on the way she did a racism at Lae'zel as soon as we met her, but the moments of emotional vulnerability have me liking her a lot more.

Astarion: Stupid loser bastard. That man is clearly a vampire- I mean, look at the eyes/teeth/the literal VAMPIRE BITE on his neck and the ten thousand clues he's been dropping. Sexy of him to greet me by holding a knife to my neck I thought he was going to rob me. He's such a fucking idiot I want to jump his bones.

Gale: This man has bard energy. At least, the way I play bards. Also kind of single dad energy? Just a random wizard running around. Just a Dude, if you will. Had to put him back in the campsite since I'm a sorcerer and party comp will get fucked though.

Wyll: Thought he was a paladin at first. Then he started doing warlocky things. I like how he acts it's a nonstandard edgy warlock thing, I hope his storyline pans out well. Really like his back-and-forth with Lae'zel about ever doing nice things with her life. Immediately taken with the fight scene I saw him in first, looked fucking epic.

Overall, I really love Mind Flayers. They're fucking cool, that little starter scene when I converted a woman into one was fucking nightmare fuel. I did see the button saying perfect and press it knowing what it would probably mean. What the hell were they doing in Avernus though. And isn't Zariel the angel who fell because she wanted to kill demons with GREAT PREJUDICE?

I've also been save scumming whenever I steal stuff a lot because, habit. I just want to collect all the boxes and put them into the campsite. Also reloaded the same save three times because I wanted Asterion to take that one potato off a crying guard. (Probably going to try to see if I can do a revivify on the dead guard later? I don't know if the game has the 1 min timer on revivify or not.) Also I do like how yoinking just makes people do 'hey wtf' or 'you're getting arrested' because instantly trying to kill the party is. Weird.

Also reloaded the save once because I couldn't revivify Shadowheart because she died on stairs that were on fire. I know how to play dnd I just have a hard time conceptualizing it with game graphics.

Lower level dnd's always interesting. The take action to restore someone else at 1hp is also... inspired. Would be interested to see normal downing rules- that would force me to think in more dnd terms to play the game. I also keep clicking wrong and wasting attacks on the space right next to a person.

Weird how everyone can use scrolls.

I hate the 1/short rest mage hand it's a fucking cantrip and it can do, like, nothing. Going to download a mod for it later.

Going to have to use the speak with dead amulet a lot I hope. I love that spell. Not quite sure how I feel about your camp being a separate room- I feel like it trivializes inventory management and sending things there is. Weird. Where is all the weight going. I do like stacking all the boxes I find though.

Thought the Absolute people were part of a mind flayer cult so had to kill a few of them.

Current leader druid is a bit cringe. Don't want to kill her but definitely ousting her asap. Stop being a dick to my people (tieflings). Also really liking the tiefling responses so far.

Also wonder at the deal about the tiefling village. They seem to have a lot of hell stuff going on there.

Anyway, this is cool! Looking forward to what happens next.

[azuremoonns]

A shortass oc x canon rejuv fic because I can.

Missing children karma files part spoilers btw

“Maybe that’s it.” Aoi muses. “Maybe we can’t save her at this point. We wait.” She sighs. “But you won’t, will you?”

Dylan looks at her. “You know me too well Aoi.”

“Of course I do Dyl.” She sighs again, her hands taking his. “I understand you. You won’t let this slide, and you’ll go off and do something stupid. You just won’t want a repeat of-“

“Of course I don’t!” He yells. “I don’t want a repeat of Kai!”

Aoi flinches at this. “None of us do! The others know full well how you handled that! Hell, you haven’t even recovered fully from it!” She looks at the door. “At any moment, Nyxria will come through this door and checkup on you, probably with Patricia. You and I both know that you aren’t handling this any better!” She retorts. “So Dyl, what will you do?”

“I’m going to kill them.”

“Great. Going down the revenge path right after you convinced me not to kill my sister.”

“I mean it Aoi. If it means getting Anne back-“

“So you’ll stoop down to my level? Down to my sister’s?”

“If it means getting Anne back, then so be it. I will kill that bitch and get her back, for us.”

Aoi grits her teeth. “Then go. I will search the ends of the earth to make sure you don’t do anything stupid.” She says coolly, before leaving the house to find Nyxria.

Ten minutes later, Nyxria, Aoi and Patricia are back at his house. Aoi sighs. “Goddammit. Of course you went through with this shit.”

“He’s not here?” Nyxria comments. “Where did he go?”

“Charming.” Aoi responds. “Even he left a letter.”

After the three read the letter, with Patricia leaving immediately afterwards, giving up on the entire thing, Aoi sighs. “So he left us some baby Pokemon? Can’t say I’m shocked.” She walks up to the one with her name on. “Dear Aoi. I’m sorry about everything. I’m truly beyond saving at this moment. If I am to die, it is for her. I love you Aoi, and if you do ever find me, somehow, then have this. I planned on giving you this as part of our three month anniversary, but since I won’t be here for that, you can have it now.” Aoi reads out. “That idiot.” She comments. “That idiot! Doing all this on his own?!” She breathes, calming herself down. “I’m not giving him up. Not now, not ever.”

Nyxria looks at her Pokeball. “Deino. Not bad.”

“I got a Trapinch.” Aoi says. “Hey Nyx.”

“Yes?” Nyxria turns around.

“I figured I’d tell you what happened before you showed up. It was around the time you landed on Terajuma and stumbled across the Secret Shore.” Aoi sits down at the table. “Don’t tell him this by the way.”

Nyxria sits opposite her. “What is it?”

“Before you came into the picture, he was even worse. He didn’t really have anything to live for, so once he found me, he clinged to me. He saved me from a cult, and we fought said cult together. What he doesn’t know is that during all of this, dead people’s spirits were popping up all over the region. Usually you’d be unable to see them, but I could. I spoke to Kailani.”

This causes Nyxria’s eyes to widen. “What did she say?”

“She blamed him fully for her death. She blamed him for everything. I mean rigging bets and then gambling a life away? She was pissed.” Aoi mutters. “I can’t decide if she was being fully serious though, mainly because all spirits were influenced by this cult.”

“What’s your plan now?” Nyxria asks, sipping some water.

“Whilst I would stay here and rot, I can’t. I’m going to look for him.” Aoi says. “And I’m joining you on the Xen Raid. I feel I can help, just ring me up on the day and I’ll storm in on my own and well, raise hell.” Aoi sighs. “Damn it all.”

“I know you possess magical abilities, it’s not unusual since Melia and Erin can do magic as well.” Nyxria replies. “But Xen don’t know much about you since you haven’t fought them directly, we will have an element of surprise.”

“Let me know on the day.” Aoi stands up. “I’ll be searching for Dyl in the meantime.” She says coolly. “Later.”

“See you soon Aoi.” Nyxria says. “May Arceus protect us all.”

[duckapus]

The SMG Trios of Origins Interrupted

Barry

The protagonist of a block pushing puzzle game called "Blook"

A cute little red square guy with mitten hands, big blocky eyebrows, thick vertical lines for eyes, and a cute little one tooth overbite

In modern day he has a permanent scowl, full eyes with beady pupils and prominent eyebags, and is always wearing a grey fedora-trenchcoat combo. Still has the cute overbite though.

Was originally a friendly, helpful little buddy who cheered the player on, and becoming the Avatar turned him into an insane idiotic asshole like Season 1 Mario.

Due to a lack of positive influences, by the time he managed to get his new personality under control he'd managed to drive away everyone who'd ever cared about him, turning him bitter and jaded

Only found out about all the Meme Cycle stuff after that, causing him to abandon his home universe and set off on a crusade against the SMG Program

Absolutely hates memes, and especially hates that his Avatar status gives him the inescapable compulsion to use them

SMG17 and SMG18

Preferred to keep to themselves, hence why they weren't involved in Barry's life until after he hit rock bottom and began to hate them

They don't really show up outside of flashbacks, so all that's really known about them is that 17 is green and 18 is pink

Ash Ketchum

Since Barry's meddling means he doesn't get memed until near the end of the arc, he acts exactly the same as in canon

Is surprisingly okay with the fact that winning will turn him into a chaotic idiot

Can already use some memes even though he's not the Avatar yet, similarly to how Meggy can occasionally use memes despite not really Getting them

Uses his Unova outfit because I like it the most, but in terms of memories, experience and available Pokemon he's from after the last episode of Aim to be a Pokemon Master

Is 17 because fuck you canon there's no way he's still ten after all that you can't do that much stuff in less than a year. Really even 17 feels like I'm lowballing it a bit, but I wanted him to still be at "technically a kid" age for extra "excuse me what the fuck" points when everyone else finds out what his life is like

Pikachu

Got a little bit zapped by one of the Pods when Barry was stealing them to suppress the Meme Wave so now he can talk and is kind of an asshole

He was really already an asshole it's just that now everyone can understand him

The only meme character in a canon world. Such is life

SMG29

Been alive for less than a minute and already realized she's trans

The Sane One

Is well aware of her sense of humor being tuned to dead memes and fully embraces The Cringe

I'll decide on designs for her and 30 later but do know that she trades her palette swap outfit for something more her style as soon as possible

She does at least keep her hat, which is blue and black with a female Nidoran face instead of red and white with a light blue pokeball emblem

SMG30

MAXIMUM ADHD. Cannot stay still to save his life, even moreso than Ash

Doesn't tend to come up with crazy ideas of his own, but is very much an enabler of everyone else's crazy ideas

Has a bit of a mad scientist streak, which is where most of the exceptions to his lack of crazy ideas stem from

His hat is green and white with a purple SMG arrow pointing up

They both get Pokemon partners after the situation is dealt with, but I haven't picked them yet.

[thessalian]

Faerun!Alisaie vs Lorroakan

Aylin: Ah! Come and tell us the glorious tales of your recent deeds! You have anger-face!

Alisaie: It's been kind of anger-time, honestly. I mean, at least we sorted out the mess with the newspaper people and that bounty-posting wizard asshole--

Aylin: Which 'bounty-posting wizard asshole'?

Alisaie: Oh. Right. With the whole hag thing, I kind of forgot to mention - there's this wizard asshole called Lorroakan who hired a bounty hunter we met waaaaaaaaaay back in the Emerald Grove to find him the Nightsong because the wizard asshole's another one who apparently wants to live forever--

Aylin: ...wut.

Alisaie: I know, right? I'm pretty sure you'd get bored after a few hundred years. Anyway, point is, I scared the bounty guy away and told Lorroakan you flew away to fuck-knows-where. Or died. I don't remember which. Anyway, sorted.

Aylin: ...Right. I am going to STOMP HIM.

Alisaie: But ... Aylin, I get it, I do, but he thinks you're well out of his reach now and we have--

Aylin: Since Ketherick Thorm's example wasn't enough, I will show exactly what happens to people who want to cage me.

Isobel: I kind of want to go too, honestly...

Alisaie: Okay, but--

Aylin: Well, I'm going now; meet you there.

Alisaie: But we just finished fighting Sharran cultists and--

Aylin: *flies off*

Alisaie: *siiiiiigh* Well, so much for a long rest to get our magic recharged. Team Dangerous Company, assemble...

And, over in Sorcerous Sundries

Gale: I wonder if we're actually going to have to rob the place after we kill Lorroakan...

Alisaie: I think it's better making Astarion look like a bit of an idiot stealthing when he doesn't have to than to just blatantly walk in and waste my verbal get-out-of-jail-free card. ...I mean, there's a massive hole in the jail now so at least breaking out would be easy...

Aylin: LORROAKAN YOU LITTLE SHIT!

Rolan: Wait. The Nightsong he's been burbling about for years is a person?

Lorroakan: Yep; now get the shackles I set up!

Rolan: How about ... no.

Alisaie: ...wut.

Rolan: Look, Lorroakan, you're a shit wizard and a worse mentor and you've encouraged me to be nothing but shitty to everybody and these people have saved my life and the lives of my friends and if they're going to stomp you into a smear on your carpet, I am going to help.

Gale: ...Well. That happened. At least another wizard on side will be a vaulable ally in the fight to come.

Alisaie: HE HAS LIKE FIVE HIT POINTS.

Rolan: Forty, in point of fact, but...

Lorroakan: MEPHITS! TO ME!

Alisaie: ...Well, at least it's just mephits...

Lorroakan: *summons what looks more like full-on elementals instead*

Alisaie: ...Dude, your definition of 'mephits' and the ones I saw in the hag-swamp are two very different things!

Stabnation: *ensues*

Elementals: *wreck everyone's shit up, including Aylin's*

Lorroakan: Try not to actually kill my key to immortality, if you don't mind...

Alisaie: ...Fuck it. It worked for the hag. *Mobile Flourish - Ranged*

Lorroakan: *is yeeted off a balcony and dies*

Rolan; Elementals: .....................

Gale: You get used to it.

Elementals: *go on attacking anyway*

Wyll: Don't these things get ... I don't know, un-summoned when the person who summoned them dies?!?

Gale: Not particularly!

Rolan: If you must know, if the one who summoned an elemental dies, the elemental is free to do what they want - either to go back to their elemental plane or ... 'wreck shit up' where they are. And we've been stabbing them for the last ten minutes!

Alisaie: ...Wait. If they go back to their elemental plane ... they stay there?

Rolan: Generally. Why?

Alisaie: *puts swords away*

Wyll: Wait what are you doing?!?

Alisaie: *pulls scroll*

Gale: Oh. Ooooh...

Alisaie: *casts Banishment*

Shadowheart: ...Oh. Right. I can actually do that. *also casts Banishment*

Alisaie: I really need to remember I have magic. Just ... shiny rapier.

Rolan: Well. I mean, if you don't want this place, I guess it's my tower now. But I'm going to be a way better wizard than that asshole.

Gale: Are you going to let us rummage the archives to find Important Book?

Rolan: I might, but that freak in the book section will take some convincing and it's going to take weeks for the sentries to be recoded and...

Alisaie: I get it, it's cool, put your house in order first. We'll be discreet.

Gale: We are looking for information to save the world and we're having to be discreet because--

Alisaie: Because a traumatised and abused man is taking the eminently reasonable time required to heal before he recodes all the staff here to give us a "get out of everything free" card. We have Astarion. I can talk around the sentries. We will be discreet.

Shadowheart: You just want to give Astarion the promised heist, don't you?

Alisaie: He's still bummed about missing the printing press infiltration. He's owed. ...Aylin? You okay?

Aylin: Meh. That wasn't as satisfying as I thought it was going to be. Give me a minute and then we'll go.

On the way back to Elfsong Tavern to clean up a bit

Wyll: I suppose a warrior like her will get a little flat when she takes that much beating in a fight...

Alisaie: ...Noooooooo ... this is going to be a Thing later. So we're going to decide whether we're hitting the anti-refugee assholes in the fireworks shop now, or going straight back to Sorcery Central for the heist while Rolan's getting constructs to clean up the bloodstains.

Gale: You know my vote. Books. Always the books.

Alisaie: Also maybe find a way to tell Rolan that maybe 'Sorcerous' is a bit of an appropriative name for a shop?

Shadowheart: ...How 'appropriative'?

Alisaie: Sorcerers are born magical. Wizards strive to be magical. And warlocks have magic thrust upon them.

Gale: You know the original of that one was a sex joke, right?

Alisaie: Am I not a bard? It's not against Wyll; I just like the idea of Mizora being so hard up that she's effectively willing to trade massive magical power for a quick blowjob behind the privies.

Wyll: .....................*hysterical laughter*

Alisaie: There we go. Better laughing in her face than being glum in her general direction. Mostly because I probably shouldn't have the Ravengard heir involved in heists and I need to bring Astarion anyway. *kicks open the door to their rooms* Hey Astariooooon... Want to rob a wizard?

Astarion: You read my mind. What else is on the docket after that?

Alisaie: Shutting down the anti-refugee fireworks assholes. Up to you whether you want in on that one or not.

Astarion: ...We'll see. I'll think about it. On one hand, it's altruism at its 'finest' ... but on the other hand, a good meal so you don't have to worry I'm snacking on the cook downstairs.

Alisaie: ...I guess if you're saying it, you're generally not doing it. C'mon. Heist.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 42

Hollywood Babylon/The Idiot's Lantern

"Hollywood Babylon"

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: These people are definitely actors...and I mean that the characters are actors, and bad ones at that. Well, I'm not on a film crew, so I guess??

Dean. ARen't you waNTed bY The FBI??? Why are we on a studio lot tour???? Though the "maybe we'll see one of the stars of Gilmore Girls" from the studio tour guide was well placed.

What if this was the genesis of Matt Damon getting bit roles as a surprise? Like, not that he's actually IN this episode but he gets mentioned...he could still be in this episode, honestly. There's like 35 minutes left

You know, maybe the Dean from Sam's memories in Tall Tales wasn't completely inaccurate. He's quite literally stuffing his face with the sandwiches at craft services...which, I can't blame him for, but it's still funny

OMG Dean geeking out about bit actors in movies is adorable

Ugh, is this the kind of thing my brother has to put up with?? Like, when Dick Wolf actually goes to Chicago to check up on things, is he that controlling and...what's the word, genre ignorant?

Dean is SO into this. He's fully embraced life on set, and I couldn't be happier for him. Wish he could always be this happy...

Man, I bet the director is next...he's not makin it out alive or he's the one that the boys actually save.

...I don't like being wrong, guys, especially so soon after making the prediction. The other writer was the one they end up saving from the original writer

OH GOD. THE WAY THEY OF COURSE ADDED WHAT JUST HAPPENED INTO THE MOVIE.

"Been On My Mind...": (Prediction: nothing. Bet Sam's still reeling from having to kill the last girl he slept with) 0 for 2 today. Look at you, Dean. This has gotta be one of the best stretches of days he's had.

"The Idiot's Lantern"

And now we move from movies to TV. It's weird how they keep doing this...

Should I have started with this one? Because after watching spn, it does feel weird to watch them mock me for having watched TV whereas I could have watched spn in defiance of them mocking me

Omg...I love tenrose. They're so cute.

What a year to be doing this rewatch, what with this episode focusing on Elizabeth's coronation. Would have been mildly funnier last year, but I wouldn't have KNOWN at this point last year.

Oh fuck. I forgot how terrible this guy is.

The angles they sometimes shoot from are...baffling. They're all off kilter, and for what purpose??

This family is about to learn Baby's First Feminism.

Okay but what do these aliens have on this guy? Because right now it feels like some trolley problem shit. If the...if the alien in the television is hungry and needs whatever it's getting from humans to live, but then those humans get rounded up and put in pens after their faces disappear. No, it's NOT like the trolley problem because the person the trolley would hit if you flip the switch isn't actively harming the other five. So the must have SOMETHING on Mr Magpie because otherwise he's just some guy.

Going FERAL over Ten saying there's not a power on this earth that can stop him [from saving Rose and everyone else but mostly Rose].

I hope Rita gets a fucking divorce and keeps the house or sells it, whatever she wants. This man is...fucking disgusting. HELL YEAH RITA!!!! GET THAT DIVORCE, GIRL!!!

Is it really so boring as "she let me keep my face" that Mr Magpie betrayed every single person on earth?? And then to die for all that...not heroically, begging.

Oh, Rita. Good for you. Standing up for yourself, your son, and your mother.

[themculibrary]

Bars/Bartending AU Masterlist

A Little Too Close for Comfort (ao3) - helplessly_nonstop sam/bucky T, 1k

Summary: Sam and Bucky work at Stark's Bar and usually the regulars will flirt with Bucky. Sam is okay with that. But a new patron decides to get a bit too handsy and Nat sends Sam to save him... not that Bucky needs the help. This marks off my Bartender/Bouncer AU square!

B is for Bartender (ao3) - VenusDoom3 steve/bucky E, 5k

Summary: "Well," Bucky says, his tone low and brimming with promise, "you won't really know if you're into guys unless you try it."

Steve swallows hard, his eyes flicking to Bucky's mouth. "As in... try what?"

"Tell you what." Bucky reaches across the bar and cups Steve's jaw, ghosting the pad of his thumb over Steve's full, red lips. Steve quivers. "I was thinking about shutting down early tonight. If you'll give me ten minutes to close up, I'll take you upstairs to my place and let you try whatever the hell you want." ** Or, the AU in which Bucky is a bartender who offers Steve service with much more than a smile.

Brooklyn Boys (ao3) - Swietek93 steve/natasha E, 11k

Summary: Steve and Nat are sarcastic idiots who roll their eyes a lot and can’t see what’s right in front of them.

-Or-

Natasha and Steve are attracted to each other but are too dense to admit it. Cue sexual tension, ridiculous flirting, pining,and some jealousy.

Eyes Lock and It's Over (ao3) - fallingfromthestars steve/tony T, 1k

Summary: “Do you want to open a tab?” Tony asks, almost yells because of the music.

“Depends, will you take care of us tonight?” The man asks as a grin spreads across his face. The smile is kind, but his eyes are deceiving it. They are dark (and it’s not just the lighting) deep and blown with lust.

Fairytale Bar (ao3) - cryptidpoet bucky/peter M, 3k

Summary: Peter has played with gods, tricksters, magicians, and witches. He’s stood next to geniuses and monsters, has himself become a monster. He’s dipped his toes into other worlds, other universes, parallel universes. He believes in a lot of things. Impossible things. Unrealistic things. Beautiful, tragic, cruel things.

But he doesn’t believe in fairytales.

Feel Something (ao3) - orphan_account steve/bucky T, 5k

Summary: Some people just never find anybody that they fall deeply in love with. They wander through life grasping for the right person.

Bucky Barnes is a bartender at the Blue Note Lounge. He is scared that he'll never find his soulmate.

goddamn professional (ao3) - mwestbelle steve/bucky E, 3k

Summary: In which Bucky is a beefy stripper and Steve is a hipster bartender at the club with a crush. (Involves fewer stripper tropes than you probably hope)

Hey, Bartender, Pour ‘Em Hot Tonight (ao3) - emphasisonem steve/bucky M, 22k

Summary: In which Bucky is a bartender and Steve is immediately smitten. He's not the only one.

Keep You Warm (ao3) - ineachplace steve/bucky E, 7k

Summary: “You ever gonna stop fussin’ over me and get yourself a girl?”

Bucky’s face goes soft for a minute. It’s why Steve says it. To see the lines in his forehead smooth out. Sometimes he feels a strange urge to kiss him. Like he’s just so full of affection for him that it’s the only way to show it.

Steve knows it’s ridiculous. Knows it doesn’t mean what it sounds like it means. But sometimes, he wants it anyway. Regardless.

Kiss the Cook (ao3) - mambo steve/bucky, peggy/angie, maria/sam T, 28k

Summary: Former Top Chef contestant Steve Rogers opens a restaurant with his best friend, Sam Wilson.

And everything is great, except for Steve's giant crush on their new bartender.

Miracles Don't Happen Here (ao3) - zombified419 loki/tony, phil/pepper M, 105k

Summary: Tony finds himself in a new bar that he normally wouldn't ever frequent. After being rescued by Captain America, he finds himself drawn back to the location that witnessed one of his lowest points - and a cunning new bartender. [FrostIron] (Humor/Romance/Drama) Now completed!

Pour the Guinness (ao3) - buckybarnesdeservestobehappy (hutchabelle), lyn7 steve/bucky, pepper/tony E, 21k

Summary: Bucky’s a bartender at Stars and Bars, the coolest nightclub in Brooklyn. He’s excellent at his job, so he’s often called in when someone else misses a shift. Irritated he has to work on his scheduled night off, he’s pleasantly surprised when one patron makes his sacrifice worth it. Shy, handsome Steve Rogers is the best tipper Bucky’s ever met, but he wants something much different. Unfortunately, Steve’s hiding something, and Bucky’s not prepared when the secret comes to light, especially when he’s got one of his own.

Shaken (ao3) - glittercake sam/bucky G, 13k

Summary: Sam Wilson runs a small, independent investigative firm with his college friend Steve.

He's renowned for solving and uncovering just about anything that lands on his desk until random strangers start disappearing in his city. With only a hunch and an address, he heads to a dingy dive bar downtown for answers.

What he finds is so much more than he bargained for.

The Sherwood Lounge (ao3) - msraven clint/phil M, 10k

Summary: Everything about the place entices you to settle in and stay a while, to linger over good drinks and good conversation.

A bartender!Clint AU with bonus artist!Phil

Untouchable (ao3) - AvoidingAverage steve/bucky E, 43k

Summary: It's been eight years since Bucky Barnes left Steve standing alone and heartbroken. Eight years since Steve confessed his feelings and shared a kiss that left him aching for the impossible. Eight years since Bucky Barnes abandoned him to take up the mantle of his step-father's mob, Hydra.

Now, Steve's carefully rebuilt world is threatening to collapse again when he finds himself on a list of 'Untouchable People' in their neighborhood. Anyone who harms Steve Rogers will find themselves the target of a new, vicious mafia leader--the Winter Soldier.

(Or, the AU where Bucky tries to protect Steve by threatening violence on anyone who hurts him and inadvertently leads him into a world of mob violence, Interpol raids, and an overthrow of Alexander Pierce. )

Well, this is awkward (ao3) - Saturning harley/peter E, 5k

Summary: Peter and Harley hooked up at a bar some night. Then on other nights, too. Three months later, Tony introduces them, so they could work on avenger‘s tech projects together and maybe become friends.

Well, this is awkward. How are they supposed to tell Tony?