#what did that fox do in the navy

[emptyjunior]

What did he mean by this

[lovelytsunoda]

love, actually | robert 'bob' floyd

summary: recently appointed admiral robert floyd feels overwhelmed in his new position, and unprepared to fill the shoes of the late admiral thomas kazansky. when he inherts the job, he also inherits tom's old secretary. cue the romance. inspired by hugh grant's storyline in love, actually

pairing: admiral!bob floyd x secretary!reader

warnings: mentions of death and greif was she secretly in love with that old man (because same) we may never know! mentions of addiction (but not with our two main characters!), can be considered to be a minor part of the heather and tommy universe (see 'tell me something girl (are you happy in this modern world)!) so many navy inaccuracies it would make a real admiral's head spin, professionalism simply does not exist in the pacific fleet

the office was barren, devoid of the remarkable life that had once occupied it. the large oak desk that had once held family photos and love notes from the admiral's wife was now empty, save for the top of the line desktop computer. admiral kazansky's wife and kids had been by earlier in the week to collect his things. bob hadn't been there, but he'd heard from natasha that it wasn't a pretty sight. she said that heather kazansky looked frail, and slightly lost without her husband of thirty years by her side. tom was her soulmate, and she'd gone through the pain of watching him die slowly.

cancer was a bitch.

this wasn't how he had wanted to come in to the job. although it was no doubt that he was the best man to lead the pacific fleet (and with an endorsement from maverick mitchell, nobody was going to question his appointment.), he was now wondering if he was really ready.

"admiral floyd?"

bob turned around. standing in the doorway in a skirt that was certainly not navy issued, was a tall young woman with round glasses and soft features. she wore no makeup save for the mascara on her eyelashes.

"hi, i'm y/n. i was admiral kazansky's secretary. and, i suppose, i'm now yours." her voice was soft and gentle, like music to bob's ears. "i brought your welcome packet and agenda for the day."

"admiral robert floyd." he stuck his hand out for her to shake, ignoring how clammy his palms suddenly seemed to feel. "but please, call me bob."

"that's your callsign, right? does it mean anything?"

bob rolled his eyes. "baby on board. they call me that because of my youthful appearance."

she laughed briefly, a cheerful and somewhat abrupt sound, before she looked at the empty office, her face falling again. "he was a good man."

"he was." bob agreed somberly.

"i loved that old man, i really did."

for a second, bob felt like something had tripped in his brain. she loved him? it seemed so cliche when he thought about it, but weren't cliches there for a reason? the pretty young secretary with the silver fox admiral. but what about heather? and his kids? he'd been married to heather since 1987, and from what bob knew of the admiral, he was an honorable man in all aspects of life.

this confusion must have shown on bob's face, because the secretary simply laughed, turning to face him with her arms crossed over her baby blue blouse.

"like a father, admiral. admiral kazansky and i were never involved. he was a family man. i'm the same age as his middle child." she didn't know why she was spitting out words like this. divulging too much information would be unprofessional and- "i actually used to go out with his eldest son when i first started working here. i was young and dumb and mitchell kazansky was a few years older and smooth talking. and then i broke up with him and he went to rehab. he's doing good now. he got married four years ago, i think. i've met his wife, she's a sweet girl." stop. fucking. talking. y/n.

in truth, bob only caught half of the word vomit. he was too preoccupied with the way her eyes sparkled behind her glasses, and the way her crossed arms accidentally pushed up her cleavage. she was totally wearing a push up bra. jake and bradley could probably even accurately guess her boob size. bob couldn't, but didn't need to to wonder what it would be like to rest his head against them, feeling her arms wrap around his tired frame.

"anyways." she exhaled, cheeks rosy with embarrassment. "i'll let you settle in. just so you know, your friday meeting with the commanders got moved up. it's nothing to worry about. come find me at lunch and i'll give you the brief. i used to make them for tom all the time, especially when he got sick."

"thank you." bob said graciously. "i really appreciate it. would you actually mind staying with me during the meeting? just to make sure i don't put my foot in my mouth."

she smiled, passing him a file folder. "of course, admiral. i'd love to."

the afternoon meeting came faster than bob would have wanted, and he was still struggling to make heads or tails of half the reports that his secretary had left on his desk. having a meeting this soon into his tenure seemed unusual, and for a moment he wondered about the severity of the content being discussed.

of course, he couldn't worry for long. through the panes of glass in the office doors, he could see y/n out at her desk, applying a thin layer of chapstick while she waited on hold with someone. her desk was filled with little baubles and a few small plants were on the filing cabinet behind her.

she looked calm and carefree, unbothered. and bob was smitten. completely and totally smitten. sure, it was a workplace harassment suit waiting to happen. and yes, it was never a good idea to get involved with people at work, especially when you outranked them.

but in that moment, bob floyd simply couldn't care less. especially when she gave him a flirty little wave from behind her desk, and even more so when the collar of her shirt dipped just enough that bob could see the edge of her lacy white bra.

this woman was going to be the death of him.

"bob?" she called out, poking her head through the doorway. "the commanders are here earlier than expected. have you had a chance to look over the notes?"

fuck. he couldn't admit that he was so distracted that he forgot to read the file. "uh, about half of it?" he explained sheepishly. "it's a lot."

she flashed him an understanding smile. "if you get lost in the meeting, i can take over. i used to do it for tom all the time."

"thank you. you're a lifesaver."

she winked, backing out of the room. "you owe me one, admiral."

the commanders filed into the meeting room, gathering around the round oak table like they were king arthur's knights. bob recognized a few of them, including jake seresin. he took a seat underneath the world map that was used to plot out missions, y/n taking a seat beside him.

and bob floyd wished he was a better man because as soon as he saw that skirt slip up her plush thigh, he was a goner. he forgot why he was even in that meeting in the first place. to his credit, he did fairly well, answering questions about the transition of power in the pacific fleet, and what was going on with some current matters that had gone unfinished when the previous admiral had passed. whenever bob seemed to stutter or falter in any way, y/n jumped in to rescue him, with a well-worded response delivered in such an effortless manner that he wondered why he was the admiral and not her.

jake caught him staring, a glean of admiration in his eyes as he watched the secretary (who was one of only two women in the room, by the way) outline a budget for the coming year. the commander kicked his former platoonmate under the table, holding back a laugh. bob shot him a dirty look before redirecting his attention to y/n.

after the meeting, and after shaking hands with what felt like every commander in san diego, jake stayed behind to chat with bob, eager to 'catch up' on everything the other had missed since their assignment with maverick. but really, jake just wanted to rib his coworker about the pretty secretary.

"dude, kazansky's secretary? come on."

"jake, shut up." bob could feel his face going pink. "it would be unprofessional at best, harassment at worst. her boss just died, for god's sake!"

jake laughed, hands tucked into the pockets of his dress whites. "i'm sure that they make porno's about this kind of thing. i say go for it. you only live once, admiral."

"hangman, go fuck yourself."

there was a knock on the office door, and y/n stuck her head inside the office. "admiral floyd, commander seresin. its five, so im on my way out. if you need anything, there's a post-it with my personal number on it in your welcome packet. don't stay too late, you'll make me look bad." she grinned at bob, waving at him before ducking back out of the office again.

bob shouted after her, something along the lines of 'see you in the morning', but he couldn't hear himself think over the sound of jake's laughter.

"what!"

"dude, look below your fucking belt. you're fucked."

_______

life went on, and bob found himself settling into his role as admiral nicely. of course, he wasn't doing it alone. y/n was a massive help in meetings, and they had started tag-teaming on important topics: putting together elaborate slide presentations, models and poster boards before every meeting with the fellow admirals or the commanders. there was a meeting with the president's aide scheduled for the new year, and surprisingly, bob wasn't worried about it. he had even gone as far as to help y/n decorate the office for christmas.

every day, she showed up in a trendy, fashionable and flattering outfit that definitely went against navy regulations, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. especially not when those leather slacks of hers made him so achingly hard that he spent half of his lunch break in the private bathroom jerking off. it wasn't the good admiral's fault that his secretary was so stunningly beautiful and sweet and kind and funny and so many other things that made him wonder if it was finally time to consider finding a life partner.

the pair had started sharing their lunch breaks, and bob was enjoying getting to know her outside of the office. she was easy to talk to, and he was convinced he had never laughed as much as he had when he was with her.

and that's why he was so worried when he saw that she had put in for a transfer request.

_____

they were one week out from christmas, and the base was getting ready to send all non-essential staff home. that meant that y/n was getting a much needed break, and while bob would be considered to be 'on-call', he got to go home as well. the last meeting of the year was finished, and y/n was cleaning up the round table in the conference room when she heard hushed voices from the cracked door in bob's office.

"robert, you understand what you're getting yourself into, right? the kind of trouble you'd be opening up for her?" natasha trace's voice was low and not quite venomous, but not calm either. "don't think that people haven't figured out why you hide in the bathroom over your lunch break, bradley told me about your little crush. you can't act on it, bob. i'm sorry, but you just can't. she's your subordinate. unless one of you transfers out. no matter how much you think you'd be able to make it work, it just not possible."

"i love her, phoenix. and i don't know what to do."

"you keep your mouth shut and your dick in your pants. that's what you do."

she felt her heart grow tight in her chest. bob was in love with someone? it was probably another soldier, or a pilot. or, and she hesitated at the thought, was bob floyd falling in love with her?

she didn't know if she wanted to find out. because if she was wrong, and bob didn't feel the same way about her that she felt about him, it was going to lead to a lot of heartbreak.

she put in for a transfer to another fleet later that week.

________

"what the fuck? how could this happen, phoenix? what did you say to her?"

natasha gaped at the frazzled admiral, who was pacing behind his desk. "what did i say to her? i didn't say shit, bob. she must have overheard us and gotten the wrong idea."

it was christmas eve, and bob didn't even know why he'd come into the office. he supposed it was because he wanted everything pressing to be done before the holidays, but seeing the neon blue transfer request paper on his desk had thrown him for a loop.

"i can't function without her. she keeps this office going." bob wailed, running his fingers through his hair. "i need her."

"yeah." jake snorted. "in more ways than one."

"can it, hangman." natasha scolded. "you'd have to find a really good, sound reason for denying the transfer, you know. keeping her here without one would be an abuse of power."

"you think i don't fucking know that?"

"there is another solution here." bradley bradshaw suggested, leaning against the side of the desk. "her address would be in her files, right? why don't you go and talk to her?"

actually.....that wasn't a terrible idea.

"no." natasha glared at him, almost as if she could read his mind. "that would be another glaring abuse of power. do none of you have functioning brain cells? this is psychotic."

"but it could work." bob mused, scrambling to boot up his computer. "what woman doesn't love a grand romantic gesture?"

"that's my boy." jake roared with laughter, clapping him in the shoulders. "let's make this christmas miracle happen."

bob scrambled to pull up her personnel file, scribbling a street address down in his messy cursive. "okay, okay. how do we know she's home? i mean, it's christmas eve. she could be with family, or with friends-"

"trust your gut, admiral." jake encouraged. "rooster, grab the keys to the bronco!"

"i'm surrounded by idiots!" natasha cried, throwing her hands up in the air. "why am i even here?"

there was a fleeting sense of nostalgia as the former dagger squad members piled into rooster's sleek black bronco. it was cold for california, albeit the lake of snow on the ground. a strong wind was coming in off the ocean, pushing the bronco closer to y/n's house. bob was jittery, working his way through everything he wanted to say.

because how did he tell a woman that he loved her without even having gone out with her yet?

"alright, take a left at this next set of lights, and then a left at the stop sign after that." jake instructed, reading directions off of his phone. rooster was going at least ten over the speed limit, and natasha was praying that there were no police officers around.

"that's her house!" bob shouted, jumping to attention in the backseat. "the one with the the three volkswagens in the driveway. she still lives with her parents, the whole family drives german cars. i remember her bringing it up over lunch one day."

the bronco skidded to a stop in the middle of the road, forced to slow abruptly when bob threw his door open. natasha chased him out of the car, followed up by jake while bradley worried about where to park on the unforgivingly small street.

bob ran up the driveway, in between an suv and a sport model jetta before practically launching himself at the doorbell.

"y/n?" he called, ringing the bell. "its admiral floyd! can we talk for a minute?"

"she cant hear you, dipshit." jake reminded gently. "just wait for her to answer the door."

the front door crept open, y/n standing nervously behind it in a christmas sweater and jeans. on her feet where two large slippers that looked like reindeer heads.

"admiral floyd? what are you doing here?"

"please don't transfer." bob pleaded, the words coming out in a single breath. "i don't know what i would do without you. you consume my every waking thought, every breath. these past few months working with you have been the most rewarding months of my career and i know how selfish it must sound of me to beg you not to go, but the truth is that i've fallen in love with you, y/n y/l/n. and i can't let you leave the fleet without making sure that you know that."

she stood frozen in the doorway for a minute before a wide smile broke out over her face. "come here you big doofus."

she stepped out onto the front porch, grabbing bob by the lapels of his tommy hilfiger trench coat and pulled him in for a kiss. his eyes widened in shock before he leaned into it, arms settling to hold her protectively.

"i put in the transfer request so you could ask me out, admiral." she whispered, giggling slightly. "i guess it worked."

"yeah." bob breathed, leaning in to kiss her again. "i guess it did."

"god damn it!" bradely shouted, out of breath and he came up the driveway. "don't tell me i missed everything trying to find somewhere to park my fucking car?"

y/n laughed, pulling away from bob. "do you guys want to come inside? i'd feel awful making you stand out here in the cold."

jake shrugged. "why the hell not."

"cassie's here, so behave yourself." y/n warned, referring to tom kazansky's youngest, whom jake had a history of hitting on.

jake perked up. "oh, cassandra!" he called, walking into the house

"not a chance, seresin. teddy and i are still very happily married!" a voice called from within the living room.

"god damn it!"

y/n turned to look at bob. "i made a massive mistake inviting them in, didn't i?"

bob chuckled, kissing her forehead. "yeah. but i wouldn't be here without them, so cut them some slack. come on, let's go celebrate christmas."

[hotluncheddie]

For the @steddie-spooktober day 30 prompt : ‘Where in the hell did you find that costume?’

rated: M | cw: none | tags: vampire!Steve Harrington, chubby Eddie Munson, blood drinking, established relationship, d/s undertones, hand feeding

Inspired by @scoops-aboy86 ‘s little AU that u can read here !!! :3c

🧛🏻🧛🏻🧛🏻🧛🏻

‘Where in the hell did you find that costume?’ Eddie asks, stepping out of the green room bathroom with his eyeliner smudged just the way he likes.

‘What? It’s funny.’ Steve says from the doorway, having just finished a final perimeter check of the venue. He does a little 180, showing off his yellow and navy letterman and blue jeans, dressed just like Michael J Fox in Teen Wolf.

‘Yeah it’s funny, but when did you even have the time to shop?’ Eddie asks, picking at the table of snacks, popping a mini muffin in his mouth.

Steve tracks the movement. ‘Oh you know, I just called around a couple stores, had them put it aside for me and then sent someone to get it as part of your rider. Rockstar boyfriend perks.’ He shrugs, closing a locking the door. He can hear the stage hands in the distance setting up, they have time.

He hears Eddie’s heartbeat increase slightly too. ‘What are you dressed as?’ He asks, stalking slowly closer, setting his sunglasses on the coffee table.

‘A vampires latest victim.’ Eddie wiggles his eyebrows, finishing a donut. He’s in a sleeveless black mesh shirt, tattoos and round pink nipples on display, and wide leg, high waisted slacks that hug his thick waist in way that makes Steve’s mouth water. Every so often a tabloid will get a shot of Eddie and say something about his weight, the industry not used to a rockstar that isn’t heroin thin. After something like that Eddie always makes a point of showing more skin on stage, letting the people know how proud he is of his body.

After all, it keeps Steve alive. Perfect and plump as it is. Eddie needs to keep his strength up, to be able to handle Steve’s appetite.

Eddie’s sucking strawberry juice from his fingers and Steve can’t take it anymore. In an instant he’s across the room and crowding Eddie against the wall, having picked up a brownie on the way.

‘Vampires victim? So you need me to help complete your costume right? Give the kids a real show out there.’ Steve says, holding the treat just out of reach.

‘Stevie.’ Eddie slurs, opening his mouth, pupils growing. Steve feels his own flower shaped ones unfurl slightly at the soft pink of Eddie’s tongue, at the rushing of his blood.

‘Open up baby.’ He says, one hand wrapped possessively around Eddie’s chubby hip. ‘I know you want the adrenaline rush for the stage, little junky, but you know the rules, food first.’ Steve whispers, lips on Eddie’s cheek as he feeds the brownie into his panting mouth.

Eddie whines, chewing and writhing under Steve’s hands, baring his neck.

‘You’re more than just a victim though aren’t you?’ Steve murmurs, picking Eddie up easily and walking them over to the couch. Laying Eddie down beneath him.

‘Victim.’ Steve kisses Eddie’s temple, his cheek and over his sweet sugar coated lips. ‘Slave.’ Down his soft jaw. ‘Pet.’ Over the tense muscle of his neck. ‘Dearest love.’ Steve breaths deep feeling his fangs grow. ‘Soulmate.’ He bites; sweet molten blood flooding his tongue. They moan in unison, Steve drinking and laving and sucking. Eddie whining and thrusting below him, into Steve’s strong thigh, pinned and used and panting with pleasure.

Steve drinks his fill, licking over the wound to close it but keeping two little red puncture wounds and kissing the red mess around to really finish Eddie’s costume.

‘Fuck. I need, uh, well.’ Eddie babbles, still blissed out and Steve giggles at the faint blush across his cheeks. Even after all these years Eddie’s still gets shy about how much he likes Steve doing that.

‘I have clean underwater in my bag baby, like always.’ Steve says, kissing Eddie’s lips and rising off him.

Eddie hums and closes his eyes. Steve listens to Eddie’s heartbeat slowly descend as he rummages around for tissues and boxers. Coming back to the couch to help Eddie sit and undoing his pants for him. Any part of aftercare has always been Steve’s favourite, all of it just made easier with his powers. More easily in tune, stronger, faster.

‘Want another treat before you go out there?’ Steve asks.

Eddie blinks slowly at him, dopey little smile on his face. He nods and Steve laughs as he brings another brownie to Eddie’s lips, rubbing his palm in gentle circles over his stomach.

‘Showtime baby.’ Steve says, hearing the stagehand calling for the other members at the end of the hallway, on their way to Eddie’s changing room. ‘Ready to melt their faces?’

Eddie giggles. Blinking hard and holding his hand out for Steve to help him to his feet. He kisses Steve long and filthy until the door opens and he’s called to stage.

‘You better still have your costume on when I’m done. It’s hot.’ Eddie says. waltzing out the door.

Steve listens to the steady thrum of his loves heartbeat all through the show. Counting down the minutes until he can get Eddie under him again.

🧛🏻🧛🏻🧛🏻🧛🏻

Tag list : @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @marvel-ous-m @thecatkingsthrone @pearynice @wheneverfeasible

@cheesedoctor @chickensinrainboots @chameleonhair @hbyrde36 @bookworm0690

This is my last post for the steddie spooktober!! Ty so much to everyone who has read and interacted!!!!

It’s been a feat and I can’t believe it’s over, but it really gave me something fun to focus on this month! which has helped me deal with the stresses in my life immensely. Ty so much @steddie-spooktober for hosting! Mwah!

[gulliblelemon]

Young Royals Fic Recommendations 3

My reading has slowed down a lot recently as I've been doing more writing. But I've definitely got enough for another (probably too long) rec list! Previous lists are here and here.

As ever, I've tried to include Tumblr usernames. Let me know if I've missed any.

(I also have my own fic list here). And also a Part 4.

Ivy by @unfortunate17 32k words. Complete. Rating E. Wilhelm is a Navy Officer and Simon is a pirate. As usual, they are desperately in love. (Honourable mention to Little Light by the same author).

'Tis the Damn Season by littlebluefish 31k words. Complete. Rating M. Canon divergence from end of Season 1. Simon and Wilhelm are friends. They find their way back to each other.

should've said no (and you might still have me) by @bigalockwood 53k words. Complete. Rating T. When aspiring songwriter Simon Eriksson catches his boyfriend cheating on him, just writing angry break-up songs won’t cut it. And what better way to get back at his ex than to date the guy he’d been eying? This is a story about how Simon seeks revenge… and Wille becomes collateral damage along the way.

A Most Distracting Pair Of Studs by c_violet @peakotp 1k words. Complete. Rating G. Wilhelm discovers a distracting new Simon fact.

esa boquita roja by @grapehyasynth 2k words. Complete. Rating T. He wants to taste Simon’s lip gloss, and then he wants to taste Simon.

always on the tip of my tongue by @royalwilmon 68k. WIP. Rating E. Friends. A decade ago, they could have been more, but that's not what happened. They remained friends. Best friends. Benefits. Because having a best friend who knows you inside and out can have its perks.

Share Your Address by itsme_hi_imtheproblem @iwouldnevergetintofanfic 69k words. Complete. Rating E. Simon and Wille become unlikely roommates. Both of them are surprised when instead they quickly become friends. Just friends. Despite what other people soon start insinuating. Because roommates and romance don't mix, right? (honourable mention to My Bad and Is It Over Now? by the same author).

Coffee Is The Best Midnight Oil by online_campfire_tales 4k words. Complete. Rating G. Simon is an insomniac that spends restless nights on his balcony. Wilhelm is his fellow-insomniac neighbour that feels terrible for making Simon spill his drink. Can I make it any more obvious?

Favours by RubyIntyale @earlgrey-lateatnight 3k words. Complete. Rating E. Wille and Simon are roommates and best friends. Simon has slipped on some ice and broken his wrist. He’s struggling with everyday tasks, but the thing that’s really getting him down is that he can’t get himself off. Wille, kind and considerate friend that he is (and harbouring a secret infatuation), offers to help him out.

Sore Loser by @piebingo 7k words. Complete. Rating T. How Simon (badly) handles seeing Wilhelm fall in love with someone else on a reality TV dating show.

You're The Cutest Jailbird I Ever Did See by @pagegirlintraining and the-amber-fox 7k words. Complete. Rating T. If you asked Simon and Wille, neither of them could tell you exactly how they ended up inside a cell at the Bjärstad police department for getting in a fight with August and his friends. The thing is, neither of them is mad that they ended up there together.

all for the cause by Elin98 @ishotforthestars 10k words. Complete. Rating T. The one where Wille and Simon end up co-hosting Musikhjälpen 2026, raising money for charity and accidentally falling in love in the process. All for the good cause.

at sunrise / al amanecer by emerybemery 1k words. Complete. Rating G. Simon is in love with Wilhelm, but the Prince could never know that. Simon sleeps in the Prince’s bed nearly every night, but he always leaves, at sunrise.

forever i'm yours by @goldenwilmon 22k words. Complete. Rating E. Simon takes a chance when he sees Wilhelm from afar at a party on a January night, sparking an instant connection between them. They spend a year falling in love.

Faroe Gone by @groenendaelfic 36k words. WIP. Rating E. The Queen is dying; parliament is about to name August Horn of Årnäs her successor; and Simon Eriksson is rushing across the ocean armed with nothing but a ten-year-old piece of paper searching for the boy he fell in love with when he was sixteen, or rather the man who is Sweden's rightful next King.

Coffee Dates by sofia_with_an_f 23k words. Complete. Rating T. AU Royal Simon/Commoner Wilhelm. College roommates.

[thrawns-backrest]

Ba'kif art! (Please don't repost/use without permission)

I designed a book cover version too because I thought it looked neat. As always, headcanons under the cut

These are mostly about the uniform because I'm obsessed with uniforms. I designed it after a navy admiral dress uniform because I like the clean white design with fewer belts. This is however not a dress uniform because of the chain style.

We know the Chiss wear chains instead of medals and this is my version of 'ribbon bars' for them - a more practical way to display awards. The catch here being that ribbon bars still display the individual award which isn't the case here. My inworld explanation is that when you get that many awards in the Chiss military, it doesn't really matter what kind of awards they are lol. It's also meant to resemble an aguillette to a degree.

One side of each chain is attached to a bar clipped to the uniform while the other attaches to another hanging chain hooked to the pauldron. I imagine this ensemble with white trousers worn over the boots in line with that whole navy admiral vibe.

As for hair color, my headcanon is that Chiss don't gray as a rule as humans do. It's something that affects a small part of the population and happens rapidly at an earlier point in their life. It's still considered fairly normal though and even desirable as rare features often are. (ie I really wanted to make Ba'kif the Chiss version of a silver fox so I did.)

[is-today-tomorrow-in-nz]

OMG that Rule of Wolves ending was a total Deus Ex Machina! Leigh Bardugo really destroyed ALL the magical system's balance so her favorite could become a God, Avatar, mindreader, emotion reader, and dragon (ironic because LB was a Dany anti for GoT) with no consequences! But Alina, with ONE power just trying to take down the Fold = GREED = STRIPPED OF ALL POWERS. It makes no sense, and causes migraines to think about how LB destroyed all the worldbuilding for poorly thought out wattpad ending.

Thank you! I was beyond frustrated too. Her magic system is like a mirage in a desert- it exists one moment and then vanishes the next minute. It does not help that she plays favouritism with her own characters. Zoya, Nikolai and the crows are clearly her golden children. Aleksander is her scapegoat child. For the sake of her golden children, she bends the plot and swathes them in plot armour. However she refuses to offer any sort of redemption or even decent plotlines for her least favourite ones.

Just the other day, I was lamenting about this in another post. Let me share my fav deus ex machina other than the ones mentioned in the original post.

1)SoC: Began well- foreign country, jurda, everything at stake, heist etc etc. After the disaster of the trilogy, I was excited to read something different. However, the climax just made me want to fling the book to a corner. So Jarl Brum knows the partial truth from Matthias, knows why the crows were there. But somehow they got away scott free. Like yes, Nina made some soldiers fall asleep, but doesn't Fjerda have a navy? Isn't Djerholm not a harbour? Do they not know the ship name? Do they not know how long the jurda effects last in Nina? And yet all Brum did was stomp like a villain at the end of scooby doo saying, "If it weren't for those meddling kids!" and did nothing. They literally attacked one of the most powerful country's capital, blew up a part of their palace, and stole a tank! Somehow destroying a bridge was all it needed to stop an army! And at the final standoff, the soldiers were just put to sleep not killed. even if Kaz was just a day ahead, the fierce Fjerdan navy should have caught up to them. 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ But no... Nina attacked them with parem. Suddenly nothing can be done. It's like Fjerda is this formidable enemy when LB needs it to be and then become a bunch of helpless idiots when her favourite characters need to escape!

2)S&S: Ivan's death or literally any Grisha death on the Darkling side. They were very dangerous and battle experienced one moment but somehow were nothing compared to two sword weilding mercenaries. With convenient plot devices, the man who is literally the oldest and the most powerful Grisha in Ravka, was defeated and left at sea- no doubt hit by LB's idiot hammer. The man literally created THE FOLD for god's sake!!! And yet he and his army of well trained Grisha were defeated in a matter of minutes.

3)Nikolai: The whole Nikolai spiel was that he is the 'good' guy. He desperately wants the throne but instead of doing anything about it he was literally waiting for his big bro to get bored of it and throw it to him. That was the 'most clever fox's' brilliant strategy. Because that's what good boys do. Only evil, dark wizards create a coup.

And when the plot doesn't move forward, the easily-defeated-at-sea Darkling, is suddenly a raging powerful villain who conveniently kills Vasily and hands the good boy his throne.

I could go on and on. She butchered her own universe and is fixing them with cello tapes.

[crazycurly-77]

The bet - Chapter 1 

Once again you were in the lab with Abby, because your special access to the databases of other agencies were needed. 

As always when you were working together you laughed and joked all the time. You had quite a good time together, but worked hard nonetheless. 

Mainly you were sitting in the bullpen to assist McGee, if needed. But from time to time you were to help Abby in the lab. The two of you cherished these moments, because you had so much fun together and most of the time you could work without any orders from Gibbs or the director. 

You made it a habit that everytime you work together you will bet with each other. The last time you decided on the bet and this time it was Abby's turn. She chose a really nasty one and she was laughing her ass off. 

“Abby you're mad” you laughed. 

“Nononono, I'm not. That's my getting back at you for having to wear a pink glittering gown for a whole day!”

You smirked “you didn't have to do it” 

“Yes, I had to! Because there's no way that I will go shopping with Sheila so she can talk my ears off! This bet was a real bitchy one.”

Now you laughed so hard that tears were running down your cheeks. Sheila was a really nice girl, but she definitely talked too much. 

In fact she was a real wonder, because she seemed to be able to talk all the while without needing any breath of air. Fascinating. 

Abby grinned at you and you saw her imaginary devil's horns coming out of her head. Then she began slowly to talk

“since you presented me with such a mean bet, here's my revenge. You have to kiss Gibbs. If you do it, I won't drink any Caf-Pow for a day. If you don't, you have to watch all three Godfather movies in one go with Tony.”

You were shocked and your blood froze “that's a joke. You can't be serious.”

“Oh yes, I'm dead serious. That's the bet!” 

You blanched and your thoughts were racing. There was no way that you would survive a whole movie night with Tony watching these films. He will say every word that is said in the film and drive you crazy. 

The other option was not better in any way. Kissing your sexy silver fox boss on whom you had a crush on…that would be so embarrassing!

“That's not funny. You know exactly that I wouldn't survive watching these films with Tony!” you tried to argue. 

She smirked widely “yeah, I know. That's why I chose it.”

“Why? Because you wanted to see me dead or arrested for killing him?” you grumbled. 

“No, I want you to kiss Gibbs” she laughed. “And just to be clear: you have to kiss him fully on the mouth. A kiss on the cheek or somewhere else doesn't count.”

You looked at her absolutely dumbfounded and could only speak one word “why?” 

“I have my reasons.”

“Are you insane?” 

Before Abby could make any noise a deep voice from behind you was heard “do you want any answer to your question?” 

Gibbs strolled into the lab and stood right behind the two of you. 

He was in so close proximity that you could smell the sawdust, the coffee he was holding and himself. 

Abby grinned at you and you closed your eyes taking a deep breath to compose yourself. Your heart was beating so fast you thought it would jump out of your chest at any moment. 

The challenge from Abby did nothing to sooth you. No, on the contrary. It caused you to nearly jump out of your skin hearing him so near and him being so near that his shoulder was touching yours so that your hands began to sweat profusely. 

“Whatever you two are planning…Abby, you have anything new?” he asked. 

“No, the fingerprints are not in any navy database. That's why Y/N is here. We are searching further databases and she has the access to do so.”

“Good. Phone me when you've found something,” he ordered and went to the elevator. 

“Will do!” Abby chirped and sipped on her new Caf-Pow which Gibbs brought her. 

With him being gone you let out the breath you were unknowingly holding and tried to calm down. 

“You've missed a chance” you heard Abby telling you. 

You turned around “a chance for what? Embarrassing myself and losing my job?” you were slowly getting angry because you didn't know what to do. 

“Oh! So Tony it will be?!” 

You shrugged your shoulders

“I don't know. I have to think about both options.”

“I am excited about what you will choose.”

She smirked and turned to her computer to go on with the analysis.

(To be continued...)

------------------------------------------

Here you will find the other chapters of this story and the other stories I've written to date.

-------------------------------------------

[artistsmellslikeunemployment]

Things that natla did do:

- Katara stealing a water pouch from a merchant shop at night

- zuko draws!

- include pieces from the books and comics (mother of faces, Kyoshi‘s personality,

- „water the most promising seed“

- Katara standing by and smirking as Sokka flounders trying to impress Suki but her not buying any of it

- Katara never letting anyone talk over her once diplomacy fails

- Bumi‘s armpit hair

- Zuko talking about Lu Ten

- Azula learning to use a blue flame and failing

- what can I say, the actors make the show very enjoyable 🤷🏼‍♀️

- Kuruk refusing to take possession over Aang‘s body/ Avatar state

- overall I think they drew info from the books about the other eras

- the sound of Iroh‘s firebending reminding of a dragon‘s growl

- Avatar Roku making fun of Avatar Kyoshi

- Zuko basically enthusing about Kyoshi‘s strength only to then get his ass kicked by her

- Suki (and mom) gushing over seeing their role model Kyoshi in action

- random woman with broom and Zuko letting her hit him

- Aang running away at the end, after the battle. He might not have run from his responsibility but he ran from the consequences

- „have you seen my flying bison?“ which is way better because even less believable

- Katara being bold enough to train her waterbending in the abandoned fire navy ship around Wolf Cove

- emphasis on Sokka‘s inventory skills and by elongation his bad ice dodging skills

- Zuko deciding to stay with/ look for Iroh instead of chasing Aang twice

- Lu Ten‘s theme playing every time Zuko and Iroh confess their love for each other

- Omashu‘s part of the earth kingdom being India coded

- Zuko so specifically being triggered by the word „compassion“ but not „empathy/ emphatic“ because he actually does believe in kindness and much like Azula is still trapped in the pressure of having to represent all his father believes

- Zuko looking disgusted all the time

- 41st division bowing to their prince

- I had fun watching it and most of it makes sense tbh.

What I don’t get (logic mistakes):

- Mai being too openly anti fire nation by saying she wouldn’t ever come back if given the chance

- Iroh finding the Blue Spirit‘s mask in Zuko‘s pile of clothes but maybe that’s not even a negative.

- no talk about the meaning of the necklace

- Gyatso Living in the Spirit World (doesn’t Aang have enough guides with all his previous lives?);

- that assassination attempt on Ozai and Azula infiltrating the plan? Was this meant to show Ozai‘s cruelty and Azula‘s strategic thinking??

- what was Bumi‘s point exactly?

- Yue being a spirit fox. Why? It added nothing.

- „i bet you taste like chicken“ no opossum chicken. just chicken.

- Kyoshi being the narrator

- Aang being able to communicate with his past lives only by visiting their shrines and not in the right order (usually the avatar has to contact every avatar before him in the order of their lifetimes before he can get through to the next)

- Aang being shamed and gaslight by everyone

- confusion over what happened to the villagers as well as Katara and Solla by mixing Hei Bai‘s and Ko‘s stories as well as the Fog of Lost Souls and creating a new loophole into the spirit world when people stand too close to Aang while he meditates? Also, Ko‘s „Magic“ with individuality and his reason for stealing faces when showing emotion is lost.

- with all due love, what was Suki‘s mother for?

- Wan Shi Tong randomly sitting at some wayside

- Why wouldn’t normal people understand Wan Shi Tong? How are they planning for Team Avatar to find out about the solar eclipse if not through Wan Shi Tong‘s library later?

- Iroh suspecting Ozai behind the apparent assassination of Zuko so openly in front of Zhao

- Iroh justifying his war crimes with „I was a soldier“??

- Iroh „sacrificing“ himself in Omashu when the earth kingdom forces were looking for the firebender even though they both would’ve gone undetected otherwise

- Iroh killing Zhao

- does Momo carry the spirits‘ life now?

- the fire nation inventing a solar system model to predict Zosin‘s Comet and potentially the eclipse as well

[cevansbrat0007]

How would aj and Andy feel if his friends call his mom a milf ( gp!reader) aj is in his teens

Summary: You're a wife, a mother, and apparently...a MILF.

Warnings: Fluff, Female Objectification, Mentions of Violence, Cursing, Minors DNI

A/N: This drabble is part of my Growing Pains Series. All mistakes are my own. Likes, Comments, and Reblogs are appreciated. ___

"Dude! It was just a joke, bro!" The young man sputters as his friend, A.J. Barber, unceremoniously thrusts his gym bag and water bottle into his arms. "I wasn't being serious."

A.J. simply shakes his head as he brushes by his buddy, Max, to open the door before gesturing for him to step outside.

"DUDE!"

"That was my mom, man. My MOM!" The younger Barber huffs, pointing an accusatory finger at Max. "And I don't know how old she is because I'm afraid to ask. I saw my Dad do it one time and it did not go well, okay? But she's not - she's so not a...a..."

A.J. trails off, visibly shuddering as he's unable to finish his sentence. Out of nowhere comes another voice, this one belonging to the Barber family patriarch.

"What's all this commotion about, gentlemen? I can hear you from the kitchen." Andy strides into the foyer, wiping his wet hands on a navy blue dishtowel.

"Nothing." His son grumbles, blowing out a breath as he tries to resist the urge to thrust his friend out the door and slam it shut in his pencil-mustached face. "Max was just leaving."

Andy raises a concerned brow. "Before dinner? But we're making tacos in the wok tonight. Well, your mother is. I'll just be there to supervise."

And by "supervise", he meant hang out in the middle of the kitchen while you cooked so that he could occasionally accost with you kisses. While he thought of it as his own version of moral support, you maintained that he just liked getting in your "fucking way".

Your words, not his.

"He's not hungry." A.J. grunts at the same time as his pal utters the words "I could eat".

"Uh huh." The older man casts them both a suspicious look before crossing his arms over his rather impressive chest. Even in his fifties, Andrew Barber was still easy on the eyes. The budding silver-fox still managed to attract female attention wherever he went, whether he wanted it or not.

But he never paid it any mind, because he was also a happily married man who wore his wedding ring with pride

"Mrs. Barber is a phenomenal cook. My mom can't cook worth shi- I mean crap." Max laughs nervously, his hand going to rub the back of his neck. "She - my mom. Her food is not great, like at all. But, uh, maybe we could eat by the pool like we did last time."

"He's really gotta go, Dad."

"It's okay A.J. - I can stay. Mom's cool with it." Max calmly pats A.J. on his shoulder, trying to ignore the fire burning behind his hazel eyes.

"I mean...I suppose we could do that." Andy responds, a hint of skepticism in his tone. "I wonder if Y/N feels like making her homemade salsa too. I probably oughta ask..." His short, trimmed nails absently go to scratch at his bearded chin that now sported flecks of gray.

For the life of him, he couldn't seem to figure out why his son was turning such a spectacular shade of red. Or what now had him typing so furiously on his phone.

"She definitely should." Max tosses his bag back at Junior as a grin spreads across his smug face. "And you know, they say that a little sunshine does a body good."

"That it does." Andy agrees, noting of the sudden tenseness in his son's shoulders.

"And I know it's true, because the last time I saw Mrs. Barber outside she looked amazing."

Now that stops Andy quick, even as A.J. makes what sounds like a distinct choking noise in the back of throat. But the young man - Max - keeps talking, seemingly unaware of the danger he's just placed himself in.

"I was just telling A.J. here that your wife is definitely a MILF, sir. We talk about it all the time at school. And you can totally tell she works out or whatever, because she doesn't even look like how most Moms look. "

Suddenly, Andy's twitching eye mirrors his son's own.

"Hey, how old is Mrs. Barber now? Like 40?"

Andy clears his throat before casting a withering glare in the direction of his son's friend. "A word to the wise, young man - never ask a woman her age. Especially not if you want to live long enough to see your way through puberty."

A.J. nods along before returning his attention back to his phone.

"Even I don't know how old my wife is, mostly because I'm not stupid enough to ask."

"But then how do you -" Max interrupts, clearly confused by the direction of this conversation.

"If I think I need to know, then I guess. And when I guess, I err on the side of caution. Because I'm smart, and I've come to understand the meaning of the phrase happy wife, happy life."

"Oh."

"However, even without knowing just how many times Mrs. Barber has made the journey around the sun, she's still out of your age bracket. And therefore out of your league." Andy places a hand on Max's bicep, squeezing just hard enough to make the younger man gulp.

"And I would appreciate it if you didn't disrespect my wife and the mother of my son like that ever again. Do we have an understanding, Maximilian Robert Greenwell?"

"Ye-yeah. I mean yes, sir!" He quickly amends when he notices the way the elder Barber's nostrils flare. "Sorry about that. And, um, my bad, A.J."

"I took the liberty of texting your mom. She'll be here any minute." Andy's namesake interjects. "I suggest you wait for her on the front porch."

Without offering up another word, he opens the door and points toward the street. Taking the hint, his friend gathers his things once again and traipses outside. "Guess, I'll just see you at school -" He tries, only to be cut off when the door slams in his face with a satisfying thud.

"You alright, son?"

"Yep." He huffs before flipping the lock.

"You sure?"

"When he wasn't going on and on about Mom, he also threw in how KitCat and Rory were kinda hot, especially for a couple of nerds. But I shut that down fast. But then he just had to go and call Mom a MILF..."

"I understand. I've seen a lot of men do and say plenty of stupid things because of your mother, but Max..."

The two men share a look of quiet understanding. It lasts a full beat before they finally speak again.

"Max is dead to me, father."

"Good man." A.J. smiles when his father affectionately claps him on the shoulder. "We've got to watch out for the women in this house."

"We do. Plus, they'd eat a guy like Max for breakfast. I mean the level of violence I've been subjected to alone - I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, including him."

"Mhm." Andy wraps a muscled arm around the younger Barber, pulling him close to drop a brief kiss on top of his head. "Believe me when I tell you that your Mom's silverware throwing ability has seriously improved over the years. Shit is scarily accurate now."

A.J. simply nods, choosing to take his father at his word. "Well, now that that's over, is it almost time for dinner? Protecting the women in this house can really take a lot out of you."

The elder man sniffs the air, his nose detecting the delicious aroma of fresh herbs simmering in hot oil.

"I think it is. Smells like your mother's cooking now, which means I need to get in my spot." Andy bestows one last kiss against his boy's temple before playfully pushing him to the side. "Besides, I don't think I've given her a reason to fuss at me yet today. Gotta keep the spark alive somehow, kid."

Throwing his son one last wink, A.J. then watches as his father jogs off in the direction of the kitchen bellowing "here I come, baby girl".

With a sigh, the youngest member of Barber brood turns and begins climbing the stairs, laughing when he hears his lovely mother's annoyed shouts coming from the other side of the house.

His parents were crazy about each other, that much he knew. But the older he got, the more he was beginning to realize that there was a little more to it. They were actually still in love with one another.

And that was cool. Sometimes, it even made him the envy of his friends whose folks were either divorced or barely tolerated each other. He was cool with that too.

Just don't ever call his pretty Mama a MILF. Because that shit right there...that wasn't cool no matter how you spun it.

END

[thatone-brightstar]

More than all the stars (Carmy Berzatto x Fem!Reader) (The Bear & The Fox Series)

Prologue: "'best natural lighting' or whatever..."

Words: 1.8k

summary: This is a story about love.

a/n: Hi, I'm back! (did ya miss me?!) Enjoy a lil preview of part III and remember comments are always appreciated! P.S. if you haven't read part 1 or 2. Here's a link to both!

The Bear & The Fox (Carmy Berzatto x Fem!Reader)

Before You (Carmen Berzatto X Fem!OC)

There’s a slight tremor to your hands, clinging tightly to the worn down synthetic cover of the steering wheel, while the pillow under your thighs lifts you up enough to see over the hood.

“Whenever you’re ready, babe.” Carmy speaks softly over the rumbling engine, one hand cupping over your static knee.

“I know just- gimme a sec.” You answer nervously and take your hands off the wheel to dry out the sweat then readjust them with a loud exhale. “Okay, okay, okay- I got this.”

“Yeah you do��” 

His reassuring tone has you slowly pressing on the pedal, tires turning over the cold asphalt and finally moving out of the spot you’ve occupied for the past fifteen minutes. The streets are deserted and you’re thankful Carmy chose the early morning to finally eradicate your fear of driving. You can hear the snow crunching under the tires as the car moves slowly- not daring to press the pedal any harder- and your dread slightly spikes, but his soothing touch chases the anxiety away.

“Look- Bear, look I’m doing it!” You rejoice at the halfpoint between your building and his. Granted, it’s only five blocks, but it’s more than you’ve driven in  a year, so you’ll take a win where you can get it.

“You’re doin’ real good baby, just a few more blocks...” He encourages in the sweet tone reserved only for you, the one that has you clutching to the wheel and your foot pressing harder over the petal. 

“Sorry-that one’s on me-” Carmy apologizes once he notices your flaring cheeks and hides his amusement behind the sleeve of his navy sweater. “Try slowin’ down a bit for me, can you baby?” 

“Carmen!” 

“Sorry-sorry” He repeats between choked laughs, though you know he isn’t in the slightest.

When you finally reach the snowy sidewalk of his building, you push out a deep breath you didn’t know you were holding and turn the keys to kill the engine. Instead of stepping out into the cold, you take in the calming silence with a pleased smile across your face.

“Told ya you could do it.” Carmy says towards you, a replica of your small triumph etched on his own face.

His hand reaches up to brush over your warm cheek with his thumb and your body subconsciously gravitates towards his touch.

“You ready?” He whispers, too soon.

“No.” You answer honestly, making his chuckle. “But, we must-”

With another sigh, you quickly turn to kiss the base of his palm, then move to pull the door open. Before you slam it closed, a loud metallic bang vibrates over the roof of the car and makes you clutch a hand over your heart and turn to the source of the noise.

“Richie, carajo! Are you fuckin stupid or what?!” You shout once you spot the man bent over in laughter, standing behind you with his hand flat over the roof.

“My bad, sweetheart- just couldn’t help it-” Is all he can manage to say. You smack the side of his arm, though you doubt it’ll do anything under the multiple layers of his jacket, it still makes you feel better.

“Cousin, I told you -don’t go ‘round callin’ people sweetheart okay, it’s fuckin’ weird-” Carmy calls out, slamming his own door.

“Alright, Jesus! Fuckin’ morality police- I wouldn’t have come, cousin, if I knew you’d be up my ass before dawn-”

Richie steps away to let you open the back door and start pulling boxes that you push in his direction, but that he doesn’t begin to take, instead hiding his hands in the pockets of his coat.

“Why did you come then… exactly?” You ask, annoyed.

“Did you see us- did you?!” Your mother’s vibrant voice rings from the end of the street, waving her hands as high as the puffy jacket permits her. “I was waving but you didn’t see!”

She has too much energy for the time of day, in big comparison to a barely awake Joshua carrying a few stuff behind her.

“No, ma. I was too busy trying not to crash…” You answer, eyes narrowing over the sudden change in Richie’s posture.

“Again?” Joshua mumbles and you throw a middle finger through the open car door as you keep pushing boxes out to his stagnant feet.

“Yo- you gonna help out or not?” Carmy says to him and that finally snaps him out of his lost gaze.

“What- oh, ye-yeah, totally. That’s what I’m here for, cuz. Y’know… purpose.” Richie responds with a smile and new found enthusiasm and piles one box over the other, then picks them up with little effort and follows your brother and mother through the opened building door.

“Oh, I can’t believe my baby’s moving out! I remember when she was the size of…” Her voice trails off once they begin to climb the stairs and you and Carmy are left with a few boxes on the street.

“In fear of grossing myself out-” You say, shutting the door and rounding to Carmy’s side. “-you don’t think your cousin’s got the hots for my mom… do you?”

“What? N-no, no I don’t think so...” He answers, though the way his mouth is sealed in a tight line gives him away. You stare blankly at his expression, eyes dead straight until he breaks. “Yeah uh… I think he does.” He confesses.

“Dammit.” You mutter, leaning on the cold vehicle and crossing your arms. “I knew it- it’s so fuckin’ obvious-”

“-so obvious.” Carmy agrees. “Y’know, I didn’t even ask ‘em to come help…”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah.”

“Then how’d he-”

“-I dunno.”

You stare at the door for a few more seconds while your boyfriend picks up the last of your stuff. “...he’s so weird.”

His eyes follow yours to the door, then sighs “...yeah” and moves to the entrance.

You can hear the voices emanating from the apartment while climbing up the last few stairs. There’s a lot of senseless arguing that you can’t quite make out even as you fully enter the room. You also don’t understand why Syd’s standing on the footrest of the kitchen stools, failing to guide Richie and Joshua while they move Carmy’s couch around. 

“No-see, this is why I told you it was a bad idea- there’s no space-”

“-There is, just- help move the tv over-” 

“-How’re you gonna move a couch where there’s no space, Richie?-”

“Cousin! Cousin, help me out here, push the tv over-” Richie shouts once he spots Carmy crossing into the room.

Instead of inserting yourself into the mess, you round the kitchen bar and drop the box of art supplies beside the steaming pot of fresh coffee. Your grandfather hands you a full mug, eyes staring amused at the arguing men as he leans to your side so you can place a chaste kiss on his cheek.

“Everyone’s too passionate this morning…” You mutter, blowing over the rim of your mug.

“Y’know what, fuck it-” Syd throws her arms up in surrender and hops off the stools, moving behind the bar, beside you. “- I tried to stop ‘em.” 

“What is he even trying to do?” You ask, attention heavy on Richie’s mannerisms, while your grandpa hands Syd her own mug.

“He wants to fit your easel beside the window cause he says it has the ‘best natural lighting’ or whatever….” She answers before taking a sip and your heart warms at the sweet gesture.

You all watch them move around for a while longer, the scene reminds you too much of the monkey exhibits at the zoo and you try to disguise your amusement with a series of coughs. 

“Aún te puedes arrepentir…” Your grandfather whispers beside you, making Syd snigger over her coffee. “...también te casas con la familia, eh.” He adds and points to Richie with his head.

“Ay papá, aún no se está casando con nadie.” Your mother whispers from behind, giving him a gentle pat on the arm.

“Yeah and they’re not really cousins...” Syd adds.

“Oh, it is just a saying, dear.” He clears and turns to you, two hands softly cradling your shoulders. “Segura que estarás bien?” He asks in a more serious tone.

You inhale deep and nod with a smile. One of your hands raises to caress his fragile skin. 

“Lo estaré.” You mouth soundless. “He’s a good one.” You add with a wider grin.

He makes a sound similar to a hum and pulls you deep into his arms. You breathe in the familiar smokey scent while controlling the prickling sensation behind your eyes.

“I just want to make sure-” He says, pulling away. “-you two are not the best at picking them out.”

Your mouth falls open, and before your mother can begin to argue, he places his hands over her shoulders and begins to push her out of the kitchen. “Okay! Everybody who does not pay rent here, out. The best guest is the one who does not overstay their welcome, so dale pa’ fuera.” 

He must have been a sheep herder in another life, because in a few seconds, the couch was dropped and a group of bodies occupied the outdoor hallway. 

“Be good, okay? Call me if you need anything.”

“Mami, I’m not even in a different zip code.” You say between strands of wild hair that try to fall into your mouth.

She lets you go from the tight hug, only to pull Carmy down into her embrace. He’s taken back by the sudden action but does his best to reciprocate her kindness.  Once she lets him go and the goodbyes drag on until they’re out of view, your shoulders finally drop with the weight of a deep exhale. Carmy locks the door behind you, stopping at the end of the hallway to assess the damage 'Hurricane Richie’ has caused. His couch is perpendicular to its original position and the tv has been unplugged and pushed far away from the corner where it used to rest. Your easel, however, sits pretty beside the closed window, angled in direction towards the slow rising rays that start to peek through the curtains.

Carmy’s strong arms wrap around you from behind, followed by his warm chest on your back and scattered kisses over your messy hair. A tiny smile begins to grow as you melt into his touch, eyes closed.

“Y’know, you could’ve told him we’re planning to move anyway.” You voice quietly in the finally peaceful home.

You can feel Carmy shrug his shoulders and exhale a soft laugh into your hair. “He needed something to do.”

His hands feel hot once they come in contact with your skin under his sweater. Kisses travel south into the valley of your neck, golden strands tickle the side of your cheek and make you giggle in his hold, while the familiar warmth blossoms to the surface of your chest.

*********

Taglist: @pearlstiare @teteminne, @beebslebobs, @harrysmatcha, @yum-yahgurt, @pussy-f41ry, @kirakombat, @redsakura101 , @hobisunshine13 and that’s it lmao

[chiaraanatra]

You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’ | Part 3

Summary: Goose meets you at the O Bar after a couple of drinks and a conversation he wished would never end he believes that he’ll never see you again. Little did he know while this may have been your first meeting, it would not be your last.

Warnings: swearing, flirting, Goose being an anxious, hopeless romantic, use of Y/N and she/her pronouns, dancing, and a kiss(?)

Word Count: 2.1k

Songs: Mandy by Barry Manilow; Brandy (You're a Fine Girl) by Looking Glass; She's Always a Woman by Billy Joel

A/N: Goose is a leg man and a hopeless romantic, I will not be taking any questions on the matter. We are all imagining that Carol is living her best life somewhere far from San Diego. Sorry not sorry to Bradley for wiping your existence from this fictional plane. Also, I know nothing about planes, aviation, engineering, the Navy, or the Air Force.

《 part 1 || part 2 || part 4 || epilogue 》 《 m.list || ao3 》

4:00 pm

Goose sped home, violating several traffic laws and making it in record time. He walked in the door, kicking off his boots and dropping his bags on the floor. He ran into his bedroom and whipped open his closet, only to be greeted by Hawaiian shirts in every color imaginable.

“Shit…” Goose had no real reason to own any nicer civilian clothes. Why buy a dress shirt when the Navy supplied dress whites and blues for any fancy occasion? “She did just say dinner… how fancy of a place could we be going?” Nick decided to keep it simple choosing the least Hawaiian-looking short sleeve button-up he owned. He threw the shirt on his bed along with a pair of jeans and the other outfit essentials before running into his bathroom. Goose looked at himself in the mirror and thought it best to shave the stubble that had formed on his face before jumping into the shower.

4:30 pm

Only a little ways away you were prepping dinner. You already had a plan for dinner tonight, a relatively simple dish that you could easily throw together before tossing it in the oven for an hour. Luckily, you had no concept of a single-person meal, often making enough for a small army even though it was only ever you sat at your patio table every evening watching the sun as it set over the coastline.

You looked at the radio clock perched on your counter. 4:35 PM. You had just enough time to get out of the stockings that had been constricting your legs since 6:30 am this morning and shower the day off of you.

5:15 pm

Goose was pacing around his living room, “what if she wants to go to a fancy restaurant? Should I get her flowers? Girls like flowers! What kind of flowers would she like…? Where the hell do I get flowers?” Goose grabbed the yellow pages, “Florist… florist…” He ran his fingers through the bright yellow pages of the giant phone book. “Perfect!” He grabbed the phone dialing the number of the newly found florist.

An older woman answered the phone, “Thank you for calling White Fox Florist, how can I help you?”

“Hello yes, what flowers would you recommend for a kinda-sorta first date?”

“Kinda-sorta first date?” The woman on the other line had a confused inflection in her voice.

“I really like this girl, she asked me to dinner, I thought flowers would be a nice touch because I really like this girl-“

“Daisies,” the woman interrupted. “White, a small bouquet of about 6 with green filler. I can have it ready in 15 minutes.”

“Ma’am you are a blessing!”

5:50 pm

It was now just before 6. You had showered and changed, replacing your stockings for a pair of jeans and your blazer for a flowing oversized button-up shirt. You put just a touch of blush on your cheeks and styled your hair the way you usually did. Just as you turned off the oven you heard a knock at the front door.

You opened your door to find a nervous-looking Goose rocking back and forth on his heels. “Hello, Goose. Come on in.” You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your lips.

Goose stepped into your house. He perched his sunglasses on top of his head before pulling a small bouquet of white daisies from behind his back. “For you,” he was hoping you couldn’t hear the nervousness in his voice.

“Nick, they’re beautiful!” You grabbed the bouquet and smelled the delicate blooms. You looked up at his auburn eyes before leaning up on your tip toes to kiss the taller man’s cheek. “I should put these in some water.”

Nick stood in your small foyer, watching you make your way through the open layout towards to what he assumed would be your kitchen. I want her to look at me like that for the rest of my natural life… He untied and removed his New Balances and hung up his jacket before making his way to your kitchen.

“You know I can’t remember the last time someone bought me flowers.” You were standing in front of your cabinets on your tiptoes trying to reach a vase on the top shelf. Your breath caught when you felt Nick’s form behind you, effortlessly reaching above you grabbing the vase.

I will buy you flowers every day. “Allow me.” Nick took the vase and the flowers over to your sink. He grabbed a pair of scissors from your knife block and began to cut the stems to fit the vase. He filled the vase up with water before arranging the flowers to sit nicely.

“And no man has ever done that before…” you said quietly. You could feel your cheeks heating up. You took a deep breath. Get it together, Stinger!

When Goose was finished arranging the flowers he placed the vase in the center of the island. “So what plans did you have for this evening?”

You put on an oven mitt before opening the oven and pulling out a large dish, “well, I hope you’re hungry!”

Goose’s eyes brightened at the sight of a homecooked meal, “starving!”

The two of you sat at the small round table on your enclosed patio. You poured each of you a drink before sitting down for the meal that you had just prepared. You were never really a fan of small talk but you wanted to know more about Nick ‘Goose’ Bradshaw. “So what made you join the Navy?”

Nick couldn’t help but smile at the question. “Well, my dad was an Air Boss on the USS Enterprise for almost 30 years. I remember growing up, he would come home and show me pictures of him, and his buddies lined up in front of the planes. He would take me on base when he was home, and we would watch the planes take off. I was about 10 when I told him and my mom that I wanted to be up there. I swear my mother almost had a heart attack.” He couldn’t help laughing a little remembering the look on his mother’s face the day he told her. “Anyway, after high school, I miraculously got into the Academy. After graduation, I made my way to flight school where I met Mav and became a RIO.”

“What did you study at the academy?”

He looked down at his glass, holding back a smile. “You have to promise not to judge, Ms. Ph.D. in aerospace engineering.”

You held your hands up in defense, “no judgments.”

“History.”

“I never took you for a history buff, Lieutenant.”

God, Nick couldn’t help the thoughts that ran through his mind at the way the word fell from your lips. Nick shook the thought of you saying ‘lieutenant’ wearing nothing but a smile from his mind. “What about you?”

“Well,” you took a drink from your glass. “I was also a military brat. My dad was a pilot in the Airforce. Many of the stories he told me growing up were about how he felt when he was flying. As I got older, I knew I wanted to be involved in that world in some way. As stupid as this is going to sound aerospace engineering just kind of fell into my lap. My engineering professor during my first year in undergrad saw something in me and steered me in that direction.” You looked down at your glass pausing for a moment.

“That doesn’t sound stupid at all.” Nick couldn’t help but place his calloused hand gently on top of yours.

You smiled as your gaze made its way back to him. “I knew I wanted to work within the military in some capacity so after graduating with my bachelor’s I decided to go straight into getting my Ph.D. and that’s a total of 8 years of my life I’ll never get back.” You couldn’t help but chuckle.

Nick was awestruck, “That’s honestly amazing.”

You could tell by the sincerity in his voice that he was honestly impressed with the effort you had put into your career. You looked down at the empty plates in front of you. “Let me put this all in the kitchen and we can continue this conversation.” You stood up from your seat and reached for Nick’s plate.

“Let me help you do the dishes.” He picked up his plate and yours, “That way you won’t have to worry about it later. I’ll wash you dry?”

“That would be great. Thank you.” My God could this man be any more perfect. Flowers? Helping to clean up? If he pulls a ring out of his pocket, I’d say yes without a second thought.

Goose followed you to the kitchen. You set some of the dishes in the sink before turning on the radio. Goose started the hot water as the end of Barry Manilow’s ‘Mandy’ filled the kitchen. The two of you hummed along as you quickly cleaned the few dishes that were left dirty.

You poured each of you another drink leaning against the small kitchen island.

“Thank you once again ladies and gentlemen for tuning into 144.5 the Groove, playing you the easy listening and soft rock hits of the 60s and 70s. This one goes out to you Ron K.”

As the two of you listened to the radio DJ you couldn’t help but look at Nick. “Ron K…? You don’t think…?”

“Ron, I hope you enjoy.”

“Slider! Has to be!” Nick let out a laugh as ‘Brandy’ by Looking Glass played through the radio’s speakers.

“Oh, if it is, Slider’s got good taste, I love this song!” You hummed along to the short introduction. Before you knew it you were brought into the open space between your kitchen and dining room. Nick twirled you towards him before he began singing along to the song.

There's a port on a western bay

And it serves a hundred ships a day

Lonely sailors pass the time away

And talk about their homes

Goose pointed at you as a queue to start singing the next verse.

And there's a girl in this harbor town

And she works layin' whiskey down

They say, Brandy, fetch another round

She serves them whiskey and wine

Goose twirled you close to him and dipped you. As the chorus came Nick continued to sing changing up the lyrics slightly.

The sailors say, "Y/N, you're a fine girl" (you're a fine girl)

Looking at you now, even more so than when he first saw you, Nick thought you were the most beautiful creature to ever walk the earth.

"What a good wife you would be" (such a fine girl)

Nick could see his future in your eyes. Marriage, white picket fence, a kid, the whole nine yards.

"Yeah, your eyes could steal a RIO from the sky"

Nick was being serious in that moment. His first true love was flying but if you asked he would give her up in a heartbeat.

You couldn’t help but burst into laughter. You couldn’t remember the last time you had laughed this hard or had this much fun. The two of you continued to dance around your kitchen. As the music faded, Nick dipped you one last time. His hands held your waist as your arms hung loosely around his neck. The laughter that filled the room subsided and was replaced by the soft, melodic piano of Billy Joel. He raised you back up and the two of you sway back and forth to the beat of the music.

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes

And she can ruin your faith with her casual lies

And she only reveals what she wants you to see

She hides like a child but she's always a woman to me

You never took your eyes off of each other. At the turn of the second chorus, you could see a small spark in his eyes as he glanced down at your lips.

“Y/N…”This was the second time you heard your name fall from his lips. Your name had never sounded more beautiful than it did at that moment. “I really want to kiss you right now.”

“I wouldn’t stop you…”

And with your consent, he leaned in and placed his lips to yours. They were soft and warm against your own. You couldn’t help but smile against his lips at the feeling of his mustache tickling your face. You couldn’t help but think that this was the perfect first kiss. Goose could die happy with this being his last first kiss.

Part 4

Tags: @luckyladycreator2 @saturnsbabe69 @belleroguewolf @goosegirl98 @desert-fern

As always, feedback, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!𝑊𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑎 𝑏𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑔𝑒𝑑? 𝐿𝑒𝑡 𝑚𝑒 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 💜

[besamehyuka]

Let's Keep Her: I Can Read Your Mind

PREVIOUS PART NEXT PART

The darkness seemed to wake you, nothing good ever came from the dark. Especially not when there was a coven of vampires and whatever else right outside the door you now called home. A string of muffled voices came from the otherside, and you had to strain to even make out what they were saying.

“The mission was for you to kill her! Instead you brought her here!” The man stated, throwing his hands up in the air quickly, struggling to form sentences because he was so aggravated. His brow tightened with confusion and voiced laced with hatred.

“Who’s in charge Hyunjin? Me or You?” Chan yelled, gritting his teeth as he bucked up to the taller yet skinner man, Chan was the leader, he didn't need another man to tell him what to do.

Hyunjin backed down immediately, as he simply sighed. “You need to get rid of her.”

“Why?” Chan asked with a bit of authority still in his voice. “Are you jealous Felix is going to fall for her?”

With that Hyunjin's eyes widen, his fist was clenched to his side as he walked away. He shook his head back and forth before entering the kitchen. No matter what Hyunjin did, Chan would always bring up Felix. It was as if that was the only thing Chan did to remain in control of the situation.

It was no secret that Hyunjin was head over heels in love with Felix, but it also wasn’t a secret that Felix loved Changbin. Seeing them together in the slightest bit made Hyunjin angry, no angry wasn't the word for it, he was infuriated.

You finally decided to get off you ass and do something, find a way to sneak away, or maybe even kill one of these men. However, the sweet one as you remembered seemed to sense your actions and came from behind you, scaring you with no hesitation.

"What are you doing?" Jeongin asked, his arms crossed as he took in the scene before him. "Thinking about running away?" He smacked his lips before placing a giant hand on his hip. "That's not going to work, like ever."

“How did you know?” You asked, your voice shaking softly as Jeonging simply laughs at you.

“Really Y/n? I’m a fox, I’m the master of being sneaky. You really think you can run one on me?” He chuckled, grabbing your hand softly. “I’ll lead you to your room.”

“No, I don’t think you should.” A man with navy blue hair spoke, his eyes locked on yours. His glare never wavering. His stature and the way he held himself, made him much more captivating then anyone you'd met so far, and you felt yourself wanting to know more.

“I’m sorry.” Jeongin stated with a pinge of curiosity.

“I said, I don’t think you should. It’s obvious you two are getting along, and by the looks of it, she’s Chan’s girl. I’ll take her from here.” The man stated, his eyes still glued to you.

“I’m not!” You stated through gritted teeth, before Jeongin nodded.

“Yes. You should take her.” Jeongin replied waving goodbye to you before walking through the same door Hyunjin did just seconds before, and you felt your whole soul collapse. Did he really just leave me with this man? You find yourself asking.

The blue haired boy raised an eyebrow at your response, before replying with a cold tone. “I’m Jisung.”

Is all he said as he led you to your bedroom, and then it dawned on you.

You were going to be sleeping beside Chan!!

“Hang on..”

“What is it now?” Han asked sighing in aggravation.

“Why is there other-”

“This is Chan’s room. From this day on this is where you’ll sleep. You’re also Chan’s woman, so none of us are allowed to touch you. You may talk to us, but we are not allowed to initiate conversation unless we are the higher ups. Meaning, I can talk to you if you start a conversation, got it?"

"Higher ups?”

“I’ll give you a few names.. Chan is the leader. Minho and Changbin are the second in command. Felix is the assistant to Chan. Got it?”

You nodded. “Then why did Jeongin speak to me?” You asked tilting your head to the side.

“Jeongin is chief healer. And he’s also the one who sees if we are telling the truth. So he’s basically second hand man to Chan.”

You nodded. So that’s why Seungmin was so quiet around you, right?

Or maybe you were just not interesting to him….

“And stop thinking about other men. It’s not right.” He snapped, causing your eyes to widen.

“How-”

“I can read minds.”

You scoffed. “We got someone who can feel my emotions, now we have someone who can hear my thoughts. That’s just wonderful.” You rolled your eyes, causing Han to walk closer to you, pressing you against the wall, before leaning on close.

If you moved one inch your lips would’ve touched his. It didn’t hurt that he was handsome, but what hurt this moment was that his personality so far made you gag.

“You better watch yourself little girl. We have abilities no one has ever seen. If you make one move, someone will hear it. If you have a sinister plan, I’ll hear it. You are nothing against us.”

You smirked. “Of course. How silly of me.” You responded coldly, pushing him off you roughly.

“You’re getting on my nerves. Hopefully, Chan puts some respect in you soon. Maybe even tonight.”

“Hes not going to touch me!”

“You don’t have a choice.” Han stated before removing himself from you, exiting the door, closing it behind him.

Taglist: @freckleboilix

[hawanja]

Do any of you out there remember Jordan Neely? Don't feel bad if you can't, his was but just another tragedy in the endless stream of shitstorms that have been the last couple of years. Long story short, Jordan Neely was a homeless person who was essentially murdered by yet another white vigilante, strangled to death for the crime of being hungry and shouting at people on the subway.

See, the right wing in this country really likes vigilantes, on two conditions: 1) The Vigilante is white, and 2) The Victim is black, or a "liberal." The first pseudo-example I remember of this was George Zimmerman, the shooter of Trayvon Martin back in 2015. He didn't fit the profile exactly (Zimmerman was a latino after all,) but the next example sure did: Kyle Rittenhouse.

Rittenhouse was the first white vigilante to parlay the death of his victims into a full blown career as a right-wing influencer, and he rode the grifter wave hard. He did all the talk shows, did guest appearances at TP USA events, went on all the right-wing chud grifter podcasts, and even has his own video game FFS. The right wing media machine saw they had a star, and they used Rittenhouse to spread their hateful agenda just as much as Rittenhouse used them for monetary gain. And all it took was for two people to die.

But all stars eventually fade. Rittenhouse just doesn't turn heads the way he used to. Sure he's still a Z-grade conservative grifter celebrity - but when was the last time Rittenhouse was in the news? So the right wing hate machine as been trying to create a new white vigilante superstar ever since. A few may-have-beens have come and gone in the last few years - the guy who shot two people to death in Panama for the crime of protesting in the road comes to mind - but nobody has had the same kind of pull that Rittenhouse had, nobody has had that same pizzazz. Nobody except for Daniel Penny.

Daniel Penny has it all - he's young, he's white, he's an ex-marine. He could easily pass for your typical American male, the kind of guy who drives a pickup truck and knows a little too much about football. He also has what Rittenhouse doesn't: He's tall, he's reasonably good looking. He doesn't look like an overgrown child. You don't expect to see his mom show up to bring him his inhaler. He looks tough.

And the right-wing media A-holes have been pushing Daniel Penny over the last few weeks, and pushing him hard. He's been on Fox Nation, been interviewed with that drunken maniac Janine Piro. JD Vance had him as a special guest during the Army-Navy football game. This is only the beginning for Daniel Penny, as it's plain as day his future as a conservative white vigilante Maga Grifter is there for the taking so should he choose. And thus the right-wing hate machine chugs ever onward, exploiting those whom it is also exploited by, spreading hate and fear and making Republicans rich at the expense of everything else that really matters.

All it took was one hungry man being strangled to death because he made too much noise.

[veny-many]

Ki-Adi: ...

Bacara: ...

Ki-Adi: ...Commander, why are you in jail?

Fox: Oh, about that. After you went to mission while handled Navy to other netborn Officer, Bacara did shit again, and he was disciplined immediately and dragged to jail, still doing shit.

Bacara: I did what is efficient. That Officer was a stupid asshole. I do not regret anything.

Fox: Not all your General is patient enough to handle your bullshit, you idiot. Now get out.

Ki-Adi:

+)

Plo(parental Jedi): My battalion respect me almost like sons to father. I am so grateful that they give me such a selfless and warm loves from my children.

Ki-Adi(Was real father): You don't know what is the truly feels like to handle the kids. (Casually ignoring aggressive insult from Navy while they still following him)

[lunareyes-shifts]

Tyde Rises

the part 3 of the show where I get to ramble about two of my drs! Double feature!!

The superb specialized spotlights tonight 🥁🥁🥁

It's Fantastic Mr. Fox and Steven Universe!!

Extra long post tonight, buckle up folks.

First up! My Fantastic Mr. Fox reality!

I am a fox by species, but became a fox by last name when I was adopted by Mr. Fox's brother, who's pretty busy and still in the stealing game, so I stay with the Foxes regularly. I'm there so much, they have a sleeping bag for whenever I show up. I'm a little shorter than Kristofferson, with a navy blue kind of fur and a few yellow spots (space theme dies hard)

The time that I shift is the day the movie starts, or 7 fox years later I guess, and me and Ash are getting ready for school. I overhear Mr. Fox while we're getting ready and I wonder if they'll get me a room. They don't obviously, but we keep my sleeping bag, and I just move to the living room when Kristofferson comes over.

Other than that, the plot mostly proceeds as normal, except for when we go to get Mr. Fox's tail back. I get caught instead, and Ash and Kristofferson have to work together to get me back, then we move into the sewers and all goes pretty well. By the end, my dad hears about everything and he moves in, because all of that was something of a wake up call.

I'm Tyde Swiftfox, and just as much of a troublemaker as my dad, encouraging Ash's thirst for thievery. A lot of the time, we just go around the house with bandit masks on, or dressed up as whitecape. I try to keep him out of major trouble, like messing with Kristofferson or people at school messing with him, but we pull off little things.

A few of the trophies that he has around his room? They aren't all his, but nobody argues with us. Not like the school display has room for every trinket.

Mr. Fox and Ms. Fox treat me like their own kid, but I'm still super close with my own dad. Kristofferson is like the opposite of me in terms of what he learned from his dad, for a better understanding. We're close, but it's because we kill chickens and sprint off of farms, not because we meditate and play it safe, tsk tsk.

There isn't a lot I have planned for this reality, because I'm just looking forward to a sweet, regular life thing!

And Steven!

In this reality, there is no Steven, just Tyde Universe. I love Steven, yes, and there's another reality I'm thinking of making where I'm a gem or just another gem hybrid, but for now! It'sa me!

My dad is Greg Universe, and my mom figures are all the Crystal Gems. Which, because blue is my favorite color and I respectfully refuse to sacrifice that, includes Rose! Her and my mom, Howlite, or Tourmaline Diamond, both lived on Earth. She was the closest to Pink, and inherited it instead of her, but Pink was sent there to be kept under control and away from important diamond work.

This, obviously, did not work. Pink turned Rose, and when she made the mistake of admitting it while arguing with mom's overly concerned manners, Tour turned Howlite.

Starlight and Moonbeam get up to too much trouble, so the Crystal Gems (Pearl, Howlite, and Rose) get rid of mom. Pink's remains are never found, though.

Not my best work, but an example of mom! Really just an edit and recolor I made about a year back.

I have a lot of the same abilities as Steven, though there's a few major differences! I can create, being a diamond, but I'm more proficient in destroying things and makings things used to destroy. I normally use a sword, but I can manipulate it into being a variety of different weapons, and if a gem presents me with their weapon, I can change it to whatever they want.

I can also do this mine thing, where I can set up timed attacks meant to freeze other gems momentarily. Thankfully, these are all realized in my/my mom's room, and because my gem can project older versions, like saved files, of my mom explain them. They're really short explanations due to how much is takes for my gem to sustain her and me at the same time, but they keep me from hurting people.

One major change is the whole reveal of Rose/Pink Diamond. I call that one "A Rose on Tour", and it starts roughly the same. I see Rose and Pearl talking, Rose heads off to clean up beach wreckage, and I figure then is as good a time as any to bring up the diamonds. Pearl tells me she can't tell me, so I go sulk in the big donut.

I get back when she sends me a text and Rose tells me that she can answer now if I still have questions, figuring they'll be surface level. They are not! Why did you shatter Tour and Pink!? straight for the jugular.

Pearl and Rose just kinda look at me, then Pearl says it might be easier for me to track it down on my own, in her head and text her when I'm done. I just kinda go with it, weirder stuff has happened to me this week. Everything else is pretty normal, until the reveal, when I see Pink turn into Rose and mom explain the plan. Rose promises to wait for Pearl, and then mom rushes off. Pearl shapeshifts, apologizes, and I text Pearl.

I absolutely freak when I'm back, because a war lord?? in my home??? more likely than I think???? screaming the Tour-ma-line and Aunt Pink thing to the high heavens.

My favorite part of this, is that even though Garnet does freak, Rose is there to give closure and everyone checks on me and Amethyst makes sure that I'm alright. No high stakes running around for me, just processing.

Me and the Crystal gems are all pretty close! Them and Dad have worked hard to raise me without a ton of stress or secrets, because they love me.

Me and Connie are also close when we meet in the show, but I probably won't date her or anything. I could see a QPR, maybe, but all to be figured out once we're there.

I'm super excited for both of these!!!! Hope the double feature was alright, probably won't do these a whole ton. Only have around 20 some odd realities I'm headed to, can't drain the reserves any faster than I already have 😭

[enteringdullsville]

Underrated Real Time Fandub Lines 2: Subspace Dubbed Over

“That’s one Reddit upvote right there!”

I had to read the transcript for this humdinger, said as Wario turns Zelda into a trophy.

“Woah! That was Wario and he won…”

That’s probably the best way to cap off Wario’s first appearance.

“My name’s ‘Pit’, like under the arm?”

“Exactly like that.”

There’s a lot of times where someone says something and somebody else’s response is drowned out, such as Palutena’s incredibly blunt response to Pit’s question.

“That’s the weirdest airplane.”

It deserves a prize.

“AAAAUUGHH! I remember when that happened!”

Wasted opportunity not to say “Looks like Team Rocket’s jacking off again”.

“ARM!”

“…Ow.”

The Halberd’s sole line of dialogue, coupled with Fox’s hilarious nonplussed reaction.

“What are we, some kind of Subspace Emissary?”

Because we’re…Super Smash Bros!

“Take that, TUUURTLEEE!”

It’s the weird added emphasis that seals the deal.

“You can’t shoot Donkey Kong!”

DK, as he’s actively being shot at.

“I don’t like the cut of your jib!”

DK, you’ve known Bowser for how long now?

“I did that on purpose!”

As the dub goes on, it becomes obvious that Wario’s the army’s most competent general.

“Am I a f***ing draaagon?”

I like to think the only reason Ray talks like that is because Holly’s voice is shot from Wario’s last scene.

“Tha…at’s right.”

“Pokémon Tower! Not Trainer, Tower!”

“Now I have it-ZELDA.”

Any time the characters acknowledge the character screens.

“I’m back with my GUN THAT KILLS PEOPLE!”

…As opposed to…

“I DO MAGIC, KILL JACKED UP KIDS, I’LL PROBABLY FLY NEXT!”

Porky, seconds before Ness sends him flying.

“I thought that guy was supposed to be Mario, bye!”

This wouldn’t be nearly as funny if Wario wasn’t screaming his name nonstop.

“Did you have lunch today, R.O.B.?”

“No, R.O.B., I didn’t have lunch today!”

The delivery on R.O.B. 2 is what kills me.

“It’s like-a the better pizzuh.”

R.O.B. lets his one guest appearance in Mario Kart go to his head.

“Why is it purple?”

“Because purple’s my favorite color, dumbass.”

“It’s a baaad color!”

“Stupid idiot.”

“Red’s better!”

This’ll be important later on...

“Dude, cookoldry-never mind.”

Hey, reference!

“Nyehh, oh, I’m not even supposed to be here!”

Another gem from “Bozo Dubbed Over” that doesn’t get enough appreciation.

“AH HOPE HE’S DEAD FOREVER!”

I quote this constantly.

“We’re Kirby.”

That’s oddly daunting coming from a bunch of Waddle Dees.

“Whoa, deja vu!”

“It’s happening again!”

Again, I quote Dedede constantly, intonation and all.

“It’s because I’m so scared that I did it!”

Luigi’s voice is just the best thing.

“F***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***…I GOTTA WIN!”

Wario gets beat up so hard it causes him to talk normally.

“I HOPE THAT GUY’S NOT GETTING JACKED OFF.”

My favorite version of the episode’s running gag.

“HEY, LISTEN!”

Navi’s sole line of dialogue, and she’s inebriated.

“OHHH, that smells so bad! Did you do that?”

“…Yes.”

I adore the quick, off handed way Link says it.

“Who goes there? It’s me!”

Out of context, that’s an incredibly cool one liner.

“He speaks!”

Somebody in the background, talking about Pikachu.

“I think I found the computer room.”

IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN!

“That looks like OH, IT’S ME! KIRBY!”

Mar switching characters mid sentence.

“I think this guy’s about to kill you.”

This line plagues my mind and I love it.

“I killed you.”

“I ALSO KILLED YOU.”

Bowser and Bowser, Bowser’s Inside Bowser.

“I’m here again! BOWSER! I GOTTA WIN!”

Must be a Subspace Army thing.

“Ahh, it’s me! Zelda!”

“Oh no! It’s him! Zelda!”

Bonus points for being the second or third intelligible things Peach says.

“They killed Link! It’s so funny she died!”

‘Zelda’ kind of sucks at his job.

“Oh, I know this guy. He jump on me.”

“Dude, you ever noticed I’m f***ing green?”

“I’m here too; f***!”

“I’m a f***ing animal!”

Yoshi in general is gold.

“EEEYYYYYYYY-”

“WHO THE F*** IS THIS GUY?!”

Kirby’s very abrupt and dynamic entrance on the Wariomobile.

“Well! It’s a good thing I fixed my roof and got Bowser outta here!”

I love the implication that all the branching timelines are literally occurring back to back.

“WE’RE DOING IT AGAIN! WE HATE YOU!”

Bowser takes a page out of Dedede’s book.

“That’s my girlfriend!”

“Don’t kill your girlfriend! That’s my job!”

“I DON’T KNOW HER! KILL HER!”

“That’s my job!”

Same two characters, different princesses.

“Tuck my hand on my head! Hope my hair isn’t gay…”

“His hair is so stupid.”

The first line is funny enough coming from this version of Marth. Ike, however, I’m only just hearing his aside for the first time.

“YOU HAVE TO STAY HERE. YOU HAVE TO STAY HERE. I CAN’T. I’M GONNA BLOW UP, DUDE. YOU HAVE TO STAY HERE. I CAN’T DO THIS ALONE.”

“My main goal is to blow up!”

Tower, you’re pure evil.

“Beep, boop. We’re opening the doors! Come on in!”

“I don’t know what they were talking about, but that’s okay.”

The Wall-E Squad provides some of the series’ best nonsequiturs.

“Hey, you stop that, dumbass!”

Not so funny now, is it R.O.B.?

“AWW, F***! IT’S JET THE HAWK!”

That would be his cousin.

“UGNHF.”

This guy’s about to…

“Now I’m a robot!”

I’ve got nothing. Sam’s incredibly proud delivery is just great.

“How’s the weather up there?”

Pikachu also gets a good burn in.

“I BET MY PENIS IS REAL SMALL!”

Hello to you too, Falcon.

“WAAGH! WAAGH! WAAGH! WAAGH!”

“Get the F*** OUT!”

Falco cares not for Diddy’s eccentricities.

“Okay, I’m-I’m sick of this.”

MK serves as a great voice of reason to the crew.

“I’M A VERY SPECIAL BOY.”

“That is un dog!”

“Iiii’m a furry.”

Because dogs aren’t furries!

“Whoo!”

“What the heck’s going on down there?”

“Me!”

“I’m also here!”

“I’m not supposed to be here!”

Our heroes.

“It’s okay, we’re almost done.”

“…Really?”

“Kept ya waiting, huh?”

A golden bit of timing right there.

“I’m in disguise now!”

Sheik, making no attempt to hide their distinctive voice.

“I’m in love with Samus, actually now!”

“I’M NOT!”

“No, not as much as I am, look-”

“Do I get a say in this?”

“No.”

You’d think being his species’ only dude would teach the Gan-Man some respect.

“This guy’s so horny, let’s kill him!”

R.O.B.’s immediate response to the above.

“That’s your f***ing name? That’s stupid!”

Falcon to R.O.B.. Three guesses as to who voices Falcon.

“THAT BETTER NOT BE THE RIDDLE GUY BEHIND US!”

It’s totally the riddle guy behind you.

“I’M THE BEST RACE CAR! F*** YOU!”

Kirby’s freaking pissed.

“My Michael was muted.”

That’s the most adorable way to refer to a microphone.

“You can’t kill me I’m so much too powerful f*** you to death.”

The lack of commas both deliberate and optimal.

“There shalt be no jacking off today…JACK ME OFF!”

“OOHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

“I’m jacking off!”

The climax of the dub, as narrated by Falco.

“Now I’m back alive. WHYYY!?”

“I’M GONNA KILL YOU TWICE!”

Doing things in twos is just the Dedede way.

“AH NEED AH MONSTAH TO CLOBBAH DAT DERE PENIS!”

You like his quote?

“Wario’s gotta lose!”

Luigi finally grows a pair.

“MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOW”

The last intelligible thing we hear, presumably Jigglypuff, before Penny banishes everyone for their hubris.