#what an insane episode I literally cannot believe this is an actual show that exists
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The emotional whiplash between the end of ep3 and the start of ep4 is just peak comedy. Killed me on the spot absolutely amazing
#ep3: beautiful poetic scene with hidden symbolism and Kate bush singing softly#ep4: fucking HEADBUTT#when I tell you I died#what an insane episode I literally cannot believe this is an actual show that exists#kind of disappointed that the deranged lesbians didn’t kiss. i was really expecting a kiss there#but that’s ok. buttons turned into a bird!!!!!!#and I’ll get to ep5 after lunch yay#ofmd s2#ofmd spoilers
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It’s actually so painfully brilliant the way yellowjackets sets up their un-stereotype-able characters. I could (and might) do this for all of them, but because she’s on my mind right now—the show tells us that jackie taylor is the type of girl who has high expectations put on her and WILL be analyzed constantly (from coach, her parents, jeff, shauna (if only by way of shauna’s reflective habits and her personal narrative construction), the team (by way of being captain).
Then they show us so many instances of Jackie being good and kind. Is she perfect? NO, BECAUSE THEN SHE’D BE ANOTHER STEREOTYPE (THE PERFECT DEAD GIRL/WIFE), SILLY! She has enough edge to be believable as a teenage girl.
And what do people do with that edge? They sharpen it and sharpen it and use it to cut out every moment where Jackie is being kind or trying her hardest! Because what do we like?? Feeling confident in our stereotypical assumptions of people! And what did the show do? Give us scenes with blocking that suggests the popular girl/loner best friend stereotype and absolutely turn them on their head, because what’s not very realistic?? The popular girl who is mean to her loser best friend stereotype in media! (Is it impossible in life? NO, nothing is! But it’s not a standard set up. It’s not as common as media makes it out to be.)
What is one of Jackie’s primary fears as a character? Being held to INSANELY high standards and not meeting them! And what do the viewers commonly do to jackie? Why, they hold her to INSANELY high standards and show how she doesn’t meet them, of course!
Jackie cannot slip up, every instance where she falls short is catalogued as a gotcha moment. She was never allowed to fully develop on the screen because we often get her through the filter of shauna.
She gets deeply depressed, that depression is largely ignored in the show (lottie doesn’t pitch in much either, but her brand of being unwell is observed and understood as existing more so than Jackie’s), and then it is often ignored by viewers (“why didn’t she just come inside, she’s stubborn and dumb!” rather than “wow, look at this consistent descent into deep depression and suicidal ideation we’ve seen since episode 3, culminating in Jackie choosing to stay outside, what can we glean from that?”)
Jackie dies and she is literally consumed in totality—her memory is obscured, the hallucination form of her is filtered through Shauna’s psyche, her corpse is a doll, her flesh is digested. And a photo of her at 18 years old is posted at the 25 year reunion, looking perfect, attached to nothing of her life or who she was, used to facilitate a dance between her ex boyfriend and her best friend, who betrayed her in a way that most people would never get over, (but as we’re shown in the death dream Jackie ultimately would).
Allie literally says, “While I know she isn’t here with us, I know that this is what Jackie would have wanted.” She says that! In the show! To punctuate the absurdity of it all! The very relationship that broke Jackie’s heart, crushed her spirit, destroyed her will to live, being touted as something she would’ve wanted to hundreds of people.
And if that doesn’t strike you as a fucking horrifying tragedy, as emblematic of the reduction of women to whatever those around them need them to be, in order to fit their narrative, in order to be useful to them, then baby this show is sailing over your head.
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Admitting that Tootie and Timmy are the only version of the “girl is obsessed with boy and he doesn’t like her back but they end up together eventually” that I’ve seen done right was painful. I mean I think it’s the truth for the most part but it’s hard to give credit to FOP for writing anything well because they ruin basically all of that in the later seasons. Like they demolish it.
They literally just brought in a random weirdly designed pretty perfect new girl for Timmy to actually successfully woo… when it feels like the whole fucking point was that him disliking Tootie and being attracted to pretty perfect girls without considering their character was a symptom of his immaturity and superficial view of relationships. Also in general what was it with the fucking later seasons only letting girls be perfect or evil. (Except Wanda and Timmy’s mom. Who are literally just “nagging wife” and “mother.” Not much better.)
It’s incredibly funny to me too because I feel like they got so close to making Chloe from the later seasons an actually decent character (outside of her first ep.) Like she was kinda unhinged and flawed and it would’ve been so so easy to reveal that her outward “perfection” was the result of her holding herself to ridiculous standards that actually made her miserable. Crazy that even her saying “no one wants to be friends with me” when that was obviously false could’ve been good writing. Showing her perception was so warped that she thought her not being fully perfect meant she was an awful person and everyone secretly knew and hated her for it. They could’ve still portrayed her parents as good loving people who accidentally implied that they only loved Chloe because they didn’t see her flaws. But like no. The reason she’s “miserable” is just stupid, and she’s not a good enough character that the audience can overlook that.
That’s not even mentioning Trixie. Don’t get me started on Trixie. This show did a lot of character flip flopping even during the good seasons, but Trixie was just. Something else. Like the show really felt like it was actually trying to set up that she was a genuinely nice girl with good values that got buried when she was under the scrutiny of her popular friends, but then it did a turn and decided she was just shallow and/or crazy. And they continued to flip flop on whether Timmy pursuing her was even a good idea. Like man none of the characters actually GOT lasting character arcs but she specifically felt like she was in a position where it would’ve made the most sense to have one.
Insanely grateful character arcs are allowed to exist in A New Wish. I’ll admit, the girls still haven’t particularly benefited from them as much, but at the very least we have Dev. And at least Hazel is a likable character and not just slotted into one of the old “girl” stereotypes. Hell I’m glad ANY character is good. Like just. I cannot believe how bad the last seasons of FOP got. It was that serious man and the girls got it so bad. They really refused, like straight up didn’t try to bring back Trixie or Tootie for a love interest episode when that was Trixie’s entire purpose in the fucking show. But I guess they wanted to give him a win for once. Man.
And importantly, Wanda and Cosmo not only have a better relationship in New Wish, but Wanda is NOT a punching bag. Like it may be a slight exaggeration to call her that, but fuck man, some of the later season eps thought it was so fun to beat her up for literally no reason.
#sorry here’s another essay#this one is way more rambley#fairly oddparents a new wish#fairly oddparents#Tootie#trixie tang#chloe carmichael#wanda fairywinkle cosma
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While my brain is on the topic: I genuinely cannot imagine a show like Quantum Leap being made and being what it was even ten years ago. And that is insane in the best way.
Hell, even five years ago feels possible, but like a stretch. Irl changes in actual rights are one thing:/ but I think it'd hard to overstate just how much the state of trans representation has changed, on every level, throughout the 2010s and early 2020s. Visibility isn't everything, but it truly does matter.
Like, this show has a nonbinary character, played by a nonbinary actor, in the main cast, and it's treated as the utterly normal thing it is. And Ian is not a side character brought in for brownie points with at most one character trait tops besides that. They're a genius and a clotheshorse and they're neurotic about Ziggy and too secretive sometimes and a workaholic and loyal and an alien true believer (apparently which. Honestly why NOT, this is a show where time travel and body swaps are canonically a reality. Aliens feel almost mundane in comparison) Ian is a person, not a PSA.
THAT, to me, is why, by the time the show does get around to its Big Damn Trans Episode it doesn't feel like "okay great time for Ian, or some one note trans character to get hate crimed to wring pity out of a clearly presumed cis audience because clearly nothing else will make you respect this poor unfortunate soul". It's not that feeling at ALL, even if Ian has an entire Moment talking about *spoilers* their past suicide attempt. Partly because they hired a trans writer who knew what she was doing, (that's the thing too!!! The fact that ANY trans writers are making it in should NOT be a big thing but unfortunately it is) and an actor with talent...but also the show itself had worked Ian organically into the cast, and the universe, without clearly resting the audiences entire presumed sympathy on that pain. It let us get to know them alongside the rest of the cast. Ian makes jokes about Ben exploring his gender while being in the body of a woman and nobody bats an eye.
Shows like Euphoria, whatever you want to say about it, just wouldn't have happened back when I was a kid. A trans lead character who's a romantic lead and played by an actress who's actually trans, not a cis man in drag who's praised for his Bravery for a Controversial role? And the show didn't immediately get axed after one season or less, and protested into oblivion?? And there are several others too!! Pose is so fucking good it honestly makes me sick, like we could and should have had shows like this ALL THE TIME. Even cartoons nowadays?? It feels like we're being spoiled even if it's really what should've been normal all the time, because I remember when it was a DESERT. And the tumbleweed would call passersby slurs. Like. I think if you did not grow up or see a lot of media from the 90s and even 2000s you DO NOT UNDERSTAND how bad it was. A nonbinary character much less one being treated seriously but as a human being in a show on NBC???? Most networks would've laughed that idea out of the office upon first pitch. Nevermind the question of if they would've been played by a cis man. Of course they fucking would've. More than likely anyway.
What we have now, even if there's a lot more that there could be, is something I genuinely cannot imagine ever getting greenlit this much even as far back as my childhood or young adulthood. Most trans characters if they even existed thru the 90s and even 2000s, were either playing outright into the Straight Cis Dude Got Trapped by the Eeeeevil Trans Villainess trope (who is not just a villainess for any actual wrong things she does, but specifically for Lying and Being Trans...which is given WAY more cinematic weight of disgust and outrage by the cast than her crimes lbr. Soap Dish, literally every other 90s comedy apparently for some fucking reason I'm looking at you fuckers) ...OR the Mentally Troubled villains of crime shows whose gender was mainly coding. They were well-meaning but poorly written side characters at best. And usually even those, were left unhappy and rejected, traumatized, or dead. Orange is the New Black at least let their trans woman survive and the depiction of her pain feels like it's coming from the right place. But that was still The one type of sympathetic portrayal you were likely to get. And I may not be trans, don't have my own skin in this game, but it's still so heartwarming to see. We've got to look for what good we can right now, and I'm so glad even this much has changed. It's for the best.
#quantum leap 2022#mason alexander park#ian wright#genuinely I think ppl do not realize how wild this is. Now that it's over I know ppl are sad#but also I think we need to appreciate the fact this was made at all#and was the way it was. Even two seasons? Before? Never would've happened#I was SO worried even when I was cautiously optimistic about the show and mason getting cast#like I knew she'd knock it out of the park most likely but. How would the writing be. And I was pleasantly surprised#this show is not Emmy award material#but goddamn it makes me smile for this. It's silly but it has a heart#i need to finish the show xD whoops
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RWTC
As in rewatch get it because it's like team names and this fandom is obsessed with four letter acronyms and-*gets shot*
...
So… I once fixed hyperfixation by rewatching a show and taking notes about it, so imma try the same with RWBY as it's currently taking over a lot of brainpower just existing in my consciousness. I reckon if the rewatch itself doesn't remind me of how much of a mess this show is, taking notes might. Also I really wanna examine the 'Bumblebee was set up from the beginning' allegations. I'm 99.99% it wasn't but I'll give it the benefit of the doubt. Just to make it clear for any bumblebee fan who may be reading this expecting me to be converted into loving the ship: Even if there are hints this early on, their development later would still be a goddamn mess. And just for the record: I will only be taking as 'hints' things that are undeniable. The show is very explicit with its hetshit, I won't take less than that for queerness. (Don't expect this to be an essay I'll just write down whatever I wanna say at any given moment and it will be awful to read, it's basically a diary for myself).
V1: Trailers: Honestly, they're bangers. Music's great. They set up characters. If I had to rank them I'd say R-Y-W-B but I only put Black below the others because I simply like the other fights better. I know why Adam is there with Blake but it kinda feels like he steals a bit of hte spotlight. (And the Dempsey Roll reference in Yellow cannot be beaten, sorry. Well except by Ruby's sheer fucking awesomeness but ykwim). Though tbh ADAM STANDING THERE AWKWARDLY INSTEAD OF JUST JUMPING IS INSANE. YOU CAN CLEAR THAT GAP MY GUY. Also the moon is, well, inconsistent across the trailers. Like you'd think maybe there was something going on with it breaking a bit more each trailer but, no, it jumps from barely broken to even more broken than in the show in Black, then stays the same in Yellow. Which. You know. It's the little inconsistencies that make RWBY, aren't they.
On the Bees: Someone pointed out to me that 'Red like Roses' implies Blake/Yang as the beauty and the beast. I… will grant it the benefit of the doubt in this case. I mean, Monty didn't even fucking know Ruby was standing by her mother's gravestone when he did this I seriously doubt he'd thought that much ahead. But RWBY is inspired by fairy tales, so the use of beast and beauty isn't likely to be coincidental either. This is the only instance where I will grant a 'benefit of the doubt'. I'm more inclined to believe it's actually a coincidence that neatly fit into it later. Blake/Yang have absolutely nothing of the beauty and the beast in their dynamic.
Ep 1: The dust speech at the start feels a bit odd in retrospect. Dust ends up being kind of underwhelming if we look at what it actually does for the plot, it doesn't feel more important than Aura and Semblances. I'd reckon all three could have been mentioned. Is… is that moon transition at the start meant to imply the moon's been breaking off over time? Honestly the creation myth of RWBY is one of the few things I do believe was at least mildly planned from the start so I find it mildly surprising. Maybe they planned for it to break more over time but forgot about it by volume 6 and just had the gods break it all in one go? The rest of the episode is ok. I won't be commenting on the voice acting too much—this was a bit of an indie production, after all. If any particular lines are too awful maybe I'll point them out. That being said, Glenda's semblance is awfully the fucking same as magic. Cinder is using literal magic so that's ok. It really never is quite explained how or even why dust interacts with semblances, is it?
On the Bees: Nothing this ep.
Ep 2: Should I mention the fact that the show never stops to breathe, especially this early on? I guess I'll do it because then when I can be positive about a scene it'll stick out. So… yeah, the whole introduction of Team RWBY is kind of all over the place in terms of pacing. Could ahve used an extra minute or two to make the conversation a bit, well, better paced. Also do Yang's friends ever show up again? I don't think so. And I know it's meant to be comedic but Weiss just swinging about a bottle of dust feels kind of… strange. She should know how stupid that is. That aside, there's a lot of expository dialogue that probably could have been shoved into the classroom scenes. The dust, weapons, etc. Leave room for the characters to actually speak instead of explaining things everyone present should know.
On the Bees: Nothing this ep.
Ep 3: Comedy is VERY hit or miss in general, so I'll just state I… don't really find most RWBY humor funny. I see the intent and I won't criticize it, it's just not for me. On another note: White Rose is my go-to ship in the early volumes. The writers clearly got scared of how much chemistry Ruby and Weiss had so they sort of… barely interact one on one again in the future. Did you know I like Diakko? Because I like Diakko. A lot. Check my AO3. Iykyk. Anyways I don't think the sleepover scene thing is too bad. Could have made Weiss interact with Blake a bit but eh whatever.
On the Bees: So, Yang makes a very pointed comment about being into boys! Very explicit and with no interpretation required! Let's see if we can see similar hints of her bisexuality at any point prior to V6. And on the off chance a bumblebee shipper is reading this: I don't really care how much these minor instances 'don't matter'. If they're such small things, why not have them go both ways? Like, say, the perfect chance that comes up right after with fucking Blake. Which isn't taken. "noo but she says she likes her bow' it's all literal pleasantries to try to get her to talk to Ruby and the second she isn't responsive Yang's like "Nah fuck her." There's more of a romantic interaction here between Ruby and Blake than between bumblebee ffs. Also Yang so far has only shown interest in boys, as evidenced by her trailer. 'nooo she was just pretending' she wasn't pretending here now was she. Anyways if it really was planned this early on what stopped the team from just showing a bit of her bisexuality. Because she also didn't have much of a 'gay awakening' thing moment. Which you'd think they'd give her. Or Blake for that matter.
Ep 4: Nora and Ren are introduced and it's clear Nora's in love with Ren from second 1. Even if it's unclear whether Ren reciprocates or not (And I'm gonna say unclear because dude's kind of very non-emotive in general). I think it's a fine enough introduction to the characters. Weiss is VERY gay towards Pyrrha you cannot convince me otherwise. (just for clarification's sake: I mean it in a shippy way, I know it's not intentionally queer, I'm a yurifag it's what I do). Oh hey look another character getting to be very explicitly heterosexual I'm sure queer folk will get the same treatment in this incredibly inclusive show! Idk if I like Pyrrha's introduction. I guess it's efficient but… well, like everything in this scene, really it coudl use some time to breathe. I could get nitpicky and complain about a lot of things with the 'team selection process' like, uh, the fact that some students have to have died or how there has to have been some terrible teams because of the random nature of it all. And I guess I just did. But I'll also say I'm gonna let it pass because, in the end, it's funny. Also Blake didn't speak a single word this episode. Or get like. Any focus. Like idk a shot of her reacting to other people's shenanigans at least. One of the 4 mcs guys.
On the Bees: Nothing this ep… Like with Blake.
Ep 5: AU where Pyrrha misses her shot because Ruby dodged that bird, and Pyrrha's weapon struck the bird instead of Jaune and Jaune fucking dies. (<- when I say these notes are for me I mean it this is the sort of shit I think about when watching episodes of anything) Like u get what I mean? Ruby and Weiss just have so much chemistry man. I don't get what Pyrrha saw in Jaune acting like a prick back there but idk straight people are weird. And… pretty much that's all I have to say about the episode. There wasn't much of a pacing issue here because it was like, 3 scenes altogether.
Ep 6: So, Yang's supposed to absorb damage to use her semblance. At least in the later volumes. Here she just… Uses it. The trailer version had been fighting and took a few hits so it made sense there but here? And don't tell me it had no effect because she used it to obliterate that bear Grimm. Anyways I think it changes a few times through the volumes I'll be on watch for that. Yang and Blake's meeting is… fucking nothing. More at the end. The, uh, 'fight' with Ruby and Weiss wasn't animated the best. That's all imma say about it. Ok so, Aura is a manifestation of the soul and it can coat yourself and your tools for protection and presumably also enhances attacks and provides healing. Simple enough. But… the thing about understanding light and dark or whatever? Shit never comes up again. Also I seem to remember this is retconned but we'll get there when/if we get there. I don't hate the concept of Aura. Hell, it's almost exactly how I handle at least 2 magic systems I'm currently working on (sans details). I just think it's poorly utilized, being almost always just used as a magical coating and little else. The whole 'manifestation of the soul' thing rings hollow. Also does anyone else ever do the shield-aura thing Ren did here? Leaving aside my problems with Aura in general, Pyrrha's whole thing about helping Jaune manifest Aura: W H A T. T H E. F U C K. Like, did anyone on the team pause to think of the implications of this? Probably not. Definitely not. Just think about it for a second. This implies that it's possible for people with aura to help people without it manifest it. Whether the speech is important or not is irrelevant, let's say it's just something to help someone focus. That's not the freaking point. WHY woudln't they do this to everyone? If Pyrrha could do it with Jaune, who is pretty much a normal ass dude, why not do this for every citizen? It literally takes like a minute. Sure it tires the person who does it but like, what's stopping that person from turning around and doing it to someone else? Let's say it requires training to do it: Why not train people for the explicit job of unlocking other people's auras? And yes, they very explicitly state everyone has an aura, whether it's unlocked or not. Listen to me. LISTEN TO ME. You live in a society where a negative emotion will attract the monsters trying to kill you. Do you know how much safer people would feel if they knew they'd survive at least one or two hits from a Grimm? The panic you could help avoid? Grimm have this thing where they retrofeed themselves, causing panic which attracts more of them which causes more panic etc. By unlocking everyone's Aura you could help avoid or at least severely delay that problem. I don't think this is ever done again. But even if it is, the point would only get stronger, because it's clearly not something only Pyrrha can do. Anwyays back to our regular content, fight scenes with Monty are pretty good most of the time. Ren never uses his bare fists to attack again I don't think.
On the Bees: Every other pairing formed in these episodes had like. A proper exchange when they met. To show what chemistry they had together. Whether it be Weiss ignoring then coming back to Ruby, Pyrrha making a wisecrack at Jaune or Nora's and Ren's whole thing. Yang and Blake? Blake doesn't say anything, she just smirks (I think it's meant to be a smirk anyways). Yang just boasts. I understand Blake's not a very talkative individual but this tells me nothing of what their dynamic's gonna be.
Ep 7: Weiss and Ruby having really fun interactions here and then Yang and Blake have a nothingburger of an interaction. Actually, make that 2 nothingburger interactions. Jaune and Pyrrha get to be comedic here. And that's basically the episode really.
On the Bees: I don't care if bumblebee shippers read a million layers of meaning into Blake not saying shit when they first interact this episde. Fine. But Yang doesn't even have a reaction to it! She doesn't act annoyed or intrigued she literally does fucking nothing about it. Then the pony thing is like… ok. What's their dynamic here? Weiss and Ruby have a really strong dynamic already in place. Jaune and Pyrrha are building one that's at least starting to make sense. Nora and Ren had one from their first seconds together. Seriously. You wanna argue they were planned from the beginning? Well they sure seem like people who ended on the same team and shrugged and said 'whatever' and kept moving without further interaction, unlike fucking EVERYONE else. It pisses me off because you can 100% play Yang's hotheadedness against Blake's more calculating nature, but they don't fucking do that. 'Planned from the beginning' my ass, mfs couldn't even figure out how to squeeze some characterization out of their interactions.
Ep 8: The start of this episode is another case of RWBY humor not really hitting home for me. Another case of Yang just using her semblance for a tantrum. Seriosuly White Rose gets a fucking moment every episode. Yang and Blake barely fucking interact. I'm going insane. The rest of the episode is basically one big action scene, and well, it's RWBY at its best, so no real complains here. Roman is kind of awfully underutilized, isn't he.
On the Bees: I'd love to go on a rant like last episode but honestly shit still applies. The only actual interaction Yang and Blake have here is when Yang is feeling proud of Ruby, and it speaks nothing about their dynamic.
Ep 9: Last episode Blake wasn't saying shit and now she's suddenly a huge part of the redecorating efforts. The problem isn't that I think she should be a loner or aloof, the problem is that it doesnt' feel too consistent. She starts being like "leave me alone I wanna read", she barely exchanges a word with Yang later, and now she joins in on the fun? idk, maybe she could've joined in a less overt way. Other than that it's a fine scene, though it goes too fast for my liking. The classroom scene is amazing because it teaches us basically nothing, other than the mention of the 4 kingdoms. Like it says a lot of shit about 'true huntsmen' which ends up proving mostly untrue through the rest of the show. Which would be fine if it was like, a point made, but it's not really.
On the Bees: N o t h i n g.
Ep 10: More White Rose people really trying to tell me not to ship them because the bees are canon but fuck you THEIR DYNAMIC IS THE BEST PART OF EARLY RWBY. Always with the caveat of 'pacing could be better' ofc. Anyways what the fuck was up with professor moustache flirting with Yang what were they thinking. I think the Weiss/Ruby conflict could have been stretched a bit. Rather than a day, make it a week or something. Still, this is one of the better episodes of the season, iirc.
On the Bees: Nada. Zero. Nanai. But we keep getting fuel for White Rose DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY FRUSTRATION HERE. LIKE SERIOUSLY I WOUDLN'T EVEN MIND THE ABSOLUTE LACK OF ANY EXPLICIT QUEERNESS IN THESE EARLY VOLUMES IF THEY AT LEAST BOTHERED TO MAKE THE SUPPOSED 'PLANNED FROM THE BEGINNING' COUPLE INTERACT PROPERLY. NOBODY WOULD BE CASTING DOBUT TO THE CLAIM IF WHITEROSE HAD ENDED UP BEING CANON.
Ep 11: Ok, here's the thing. Aura is a manifestation of the soul. I can accept it can be measured somehow. The question here is, what exactly happens when it breaks? Like, what happens to your fucking soul? Really, I would just make it vital energy the same way ki or chakra works, because tying it to the soul like that just leads to questions. Anyways this episode is just the setup for the "jaune gets bullied arc". I'll actually not say too much about it because my own thoughts towards bullies are rather… extreme (as in, I would kill them all without hesitation were I given the chance sort of extreme). So instead of commenting on how absolutely terribly I think this arc is handled, I'll… not do that. That being said, none of team JNPR or RWBY standing up for Bunnygirl is kind of bullshit. Also, we know there's cameras everywhere on beacon, so why don't the teachers do shit? Though to be fair, teachers not doing shit about bullying is the most realistic part of this whole thing.
On the Bees: Still nothing.
Ep 12: Ok so the discussion of "making up new races to be racist towards" has been ongoing for as long as the internet has existed, probably earlier than that too. I am white, and I'm not from the US. In my country I'd say we have far more xenophobia than we do racism, and we didn't have a civil war over the the concept of freeing slaves. We just sort of did it. All of this to say: I'm not really in a position to give too pointed an opinion on the whole 'racist towards faunus' thing. With that and my refusal to speak on hte bullying topic, that kind of leaves me with little to say in general about the rest of the volume, huh. That being said, while I don't mind the Jaune/Pyrrha thing, and I do like the idea of Jaune somehow faking his way into beacon… how? How exactly does he do that? Like, think about all the security shit we've seen over the years. How does anyone create fake transcripts? Woudln't Ozpin or Glynda call the schools of their students to make sure their records are correct? idk. Maybe Ozpin just found the idea funny.
On the Bees: Knees.
Ep 13: I like the conversation between Jaune and Ruby, though it feels a bit… random for Ruby to be saying this? I guess the idea is she matured a bit after the conversation with Ozpin but it doesn't really feel like she's at the point where she should be saying stuff like this yet. I think she and Jaune should've played off each other, instead of Ruby acting like she's experienced about this.
On the Knees: Bees. Or, actually, I think it was wasps in that box.
Ep 14: Pyrrha's semblance is later treated as though it were secret (iirc) but she certainly doesn't seem to care too much about it right now. Wouldn't it be a matter of public reacord, anyways? Like, if you go to a fighting school, I'd reckon they want to know what their fighters' semblances are. Wouldn't want to have Gorey McBloodhands walk into the next sparring session and make someone explode from the inside, know what I mean? I suppose the existence of Salem could work to explain the masking of this but… They put up public tournaments where the best fighters are literally shown to the whole world anyways, and most semblances aren't as subtle as Pyrrha's so, you know. Anyways, that moment when Jaune's aura glows… Is… that supposed to be his semblance? I think it was more just that thing Pyrrha said about Jaune having a lot of aura, but if Jaune can use his semblance on himself, well… Fuck, the implications. Jaune could be the most broken character of this cast. Should be, even. Only semblances like Tyrian's should be able to counter him.
On the Bumbles: What happened to the box of wasps anyways.
Ep 15: Ok, so the only thing I will say about the racism arc: It makes sense Weiss would be racist, I just think it comes out of nowhere, when they had at least 2 other chances to show it in the past to build up to all of this. First thing Sun does when he shows up: Flirt! With Blake! More at the bottom Anwyays previous to final episode of the volume and… we introduce 2 random ass characters out of nowhere. And no, this wasn't planned from the beginning, this was done in haste because Monty thought it'd be cool to have them in a fight scene, and it shows. Monty was a genius animator but the guy could have done a little consulting with his team, really. THAT BEING SAID. I kinda think like they did the best they could. For all my complaints, using Sun as the trigger for Wiess's rampant racism (even though it could've been built up to) is effective enough. And… Ok Penny is a bit superfluous and she… doesn't really add anything to the scene other than being a literal obstacle, but, uh, could be worse really. I didn't much care for penny back in the day, but I do love Penny after V7-8, much as her revival bothers me (I remember when they claimed that no, Penny couldn't be brought back to life despite being a machine. You really want me to believe their claims about other stuff when they pull shit like that? You know the whole racism argument could have been a moment for Yang and Ruby to actually partake in the conversation. Especially yang since, you know, they were totally planned as a couple from the beginning.
On the Bees: Nothing! But Sun had a moment with Blake! Two, actually! And Sun's gonna be the one getting the infodump first. Like, dude's really gonna connect more and more deeply with Blake over a cup of fucking coffee than Yang has in literal months- "But no guys you don't understand there was never anything going on there clearly it was nothing it had no narrative impact it was meaningless fr fr" I'll say more about this over the volumes because holy fuck the level of cope is amazing here. I know I'm gonna sound like a goddamn hetfag complaining about this but you seriously need to understand I'm a yuri connoisseur I fucking hate heterosexuality (in media. real heterosexuals are ok sometimes) (this is a joke but only if the previous comment offended you if not it's real)
Ep 16: Well I already said my piece about Blake telling her backstory to Sun rather than her teammates. Way to go Yang, sticking up for Blake in the face of Weiss's continued racism. How effective is it to hold someone at gun/knifepoint, given the existence of Aura? If Blake tried to slit Roman's throat, even with a shot, its unlikely she'd be able to pierce through the aura, right? Cool fights are cool. Ok, racism arc aside, I do think it's kind of a problem that Weiss just… solves her racism because she 'thought about it'. Like, bitch wasn't even confronted about it, you get me? I like the idea of the 'reunion', the problem is… it doesn't feel earned. Pacing issues, like usual, but especially awful here.
On the Bees: N O T H I N G BLAKE WAS MISSING FOR HALF A DAY AND WEISS HAD MORE OF A REUNION WITH HER AND RUBY HAD MORE OF A REACTION.
Anyways, V1 finished. Veredict? It's a mess. It's RWBY. Despite all the criticisms I've thrown its way, I believe I enjoyed it more this second time than the first, to be quite honest.
And no, this volume did absolutely nothing to convince me that Bumblebee was planned from the start. In fact it kind of pushed me in the opposite direction. Like, the VA's really shipped this from the start? Fucking why? They barely interact, when they do it's fucking dry, and Blake has deeper moments of connection with the other two members of RWBY than with Yang. I am genuinely astounded anyone would believe the claims the bee's were always meant as endgame. Fucking hell.
On a completely separate note: Pyrrha doesn't pass the Bechdel Test for volume 1. Yes I kept track of this.
RWTC 2
#RWBY#RWTC#I'll abstain from tagging it after the bees#see if I can avoid running across rabid fans of the ship who are incapable of thinking critically#but if you happen to be one of those at least don't imply I'm homophobic#I will block you if you do that I don't have time for baseless accusations simply because the writers of this show didn't care for queer re
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I just finished watching LOST and here are my thoughts… (spoilers obv)
The finale actually wasn’t difficult to understand at all? Idk why this show is known for having a confusing finale bc I understood it completely? And when I looked up a Reddit explanation, I was like yeah I got all that. It was good. I liked it. Basically Jack dies how they show it, and some die before him (Sayid, Sun, Jin, Locke and more) and some die after him (the ones who escaped the island in the end die later in life when they’re supposed to) and then they all meet in the afterlife. It was cute. I got it. It’s fine. Poor Hurley had to be the caretaker of the island though. Like… I hate that he got no choice and he just HAS to do it lmao. But oh well.
Of course, a LOT of plots were just kinda dropped?? Like Libby’s whole backstory, the lore about the Others including why they kidnapped children, their brainwashing experiments like what they were doing to Karl, Ben’s obsession with Juliet, Ben’s obsession with that girl from his childhood, the time travel stuff — I know they still did time travel but they did seem to drop a lot of stuff that they were hyping up a lot at first. I understand there was a writer’s strike in 2007 but like still… I can understand why a lot of people were dissatisfied with the finale as a lot of questions that the show raised were left unanswered.
I was like super confused and sad that they sidelined the main eye candy of the show aka Desmond Hume so much after his amazing time travel episode bc I thought he would be so much more important as a character after it was consolidated that he could time travel??? But once I finished the show and googled it… turns out the actor has SA allegations against him which is prob why they sidelined his character and he was missing for so long. Which is like… wtf. Why are men like this. WHY CAN’T THEY JUST LIKE… NOT SA PEOPLE??? Desmond is like my fav character in the show too 🥲🥲🥲
Also with the whole Jacob/man in black origins storyline… I cannot be the only one who actually understood where the man in black was coming from??? I mean the poor guy got kidnapped as a child and his mother murdered by some crazy woman who then raised him and kept him prisoner on this crazy island and gaslit him into believing nothing else existed beyond that?? IF I WAS HIM I WOULD WANT TO LEAVE TOO??? Jacob himself was so meh, his twin brother was much more compelling and relatable and we’re supposed to hate him and not root for him??? WHY? Also why was his name never revealed???
Also Jacob was so LAME like we’ve been building up to this dude for seasons and then he just… dies??? Like… okay??? I also don’t understand how the twin (man in black) wasn’t even a bad guy and then he gets pushed into the light by Jacob and suddenly becomes black smoke monster and now we’re meant to hate him and all this man wants is to leave the island??? Why would I hate him??? Jacob literally holding him hostage fr. When it was showing the flashback of their childhood, I kept waiting for a twist which showed that the boy wearing white was evil and the boy in black was good but nope… it was exactly how they showed it.
I really liked Richard Alpert’s backstory episode, bc he was someone I was wondering about for ages like for seasons and seasons I’d be like “omg this dude does NOT age” but I really liked his backstory and found it so satisfying! I really kinda wanted to see what happened with him later on in life like this dude FINALLY escaped the island after a gazillion years… how is he gonna adapt to modern times now??? We literally never saw him or the pilot Frank again after they flew off the island??? Why were they not in the afterlife scene at the end? (Or were they and I just missed it?) also side note but Richard’s eyelashes are INSANE. Like was this man wearing kohl or were his lashes (top and bottom) soooo damn thick that it was distracting??
I HATEDDDD the fact that they killed off John Locke! Like he was one of my fav characters. He was so intense and compelling and the actor was incredible! I hated that they killed him off, like he lived such a sad life and then it’s like he died for nothing. And when I say killed him off I mean in season 5 when Ben killed the real John Locke. It was shocking af.
Speaking of Ben Linus, he was such a pleasure to watch bc that actor is just INCREDIBLE. Best actor on the show in my opinion. Him, John Locke and Desmond Hume were the best actors on the show in my opinion. Ben was just so fun to watch, his whole “no feelings” thing and the way he delivered his lines was just so great. I also loved ben’s backstory and all the stuff with his dad and the dharma initiative. I did want to know more on the whole “no feelings” thing though, bc when the others said they’d “fix” Ben when he was shot by Sayid, they said he wouldn’t be the same again and would lack feelings. Then the same thing happens to Sayid and he loses his feelings too (but then he kinda regains them bc he sacrifices himself with the bomb??? ) idk but an expansion on that would’ve been great.
Okay now onto the couples. I didn’t care much for the love triangle with Jack/Kate/Sawyer although I did prefer Kate with Sawyer at first only because they had really great chemistry. Although I think sawyer loved Kate but Kate didn’t love sawyer. She kinda used him a lot at the beginning and sawyer knew it. I really loved Sawyer with Juliet though!!! I thought they were so sweet. I didn’t care about Jack/Kate but good for them they sort of ended up together before Jack died lol. I also loved Jin/Sun, they were sooooo cute together!!
I LOVED Desmond and Penny!!! They were so so cute and their chemistry was off the charts! I love Penny’s accent, I’m from England too but I barely hear that accent anywhere anymore. Like it’s so posh! But yeah I actually tore up a bit when Desmond and Penny reunited at the end of season 4! And they had little baby Charlie and it was so cute and just… AHHHH loved them!!!
I didn’t care about Charlie and Claire or Hugo and Libby. I think I would’ve liked Hugo and Libby but it was left so incomplete and such a wasted potential. I also didn’t care about Daniel/Redhead girl whose name I don’t remember. No wait it was Charlotte I just remembered lol.
A couple I was really confused about and really disliked was Sayid and Shannon??? Like they were so random??? Bc let’s look at this logically… why would an Iraqi republican guard torturer who has been through so much be interested in a vapid and shallow twenty year old girl?? Like WHAT could they possibly talk about??? Their romance was so random I mean they bonded over the fact she could read french… it was so unrealistic like I cannot even begin to explain how dumb this was. And I don’t hate Shannon at all! It’s just that most 20 year old spoilt rich girls are usually some form of shallow… HOW DID THEY RELATE TO EACH OTHER??? Sayid loved Nadia, his whole purpose was Nadia so why WHY WHY in the afterlife did he reconnect with Shannon??? Like,.. what?!? This was so random to me and I just don’t get it. Also I’m really not trying to hate on Shannon. I feel like she could’ve been so compelling bc her backstory about her dad dying and her stepmom keeping all his money, it was all interesting but then they killed her off before her character could mature and have her arc??? Confusing af bc why bother…
Now about some popular characters I didn’t like. So I didn’t like Charlie and honestly didn’t care when he died. He would always get so weirdly jealous when anyone else spoke to Claire and he was just way too much sometimes like bro chill… you are not Aaron’s father. Also side note but the pronunciation of Aaron’s name by the English/australian/non American characters was weird bc why were they pronouncing his name like “Erin” in the American way??? Just a small detail I found weird and annoying lol.
I also didn’t love Kate… she was just so bland at times like I believe her writing was really bad?? Was it just me?? It’s like the writers didn’t know how to write her well?? The male characters all got such distinct personalities but Kate was so blah? And for a main character being that blah is just… idk… it’s like any time the writers tried to write a female character in a leader position, they’d just make her come across annoying or boring… THEY DID NOT KNOW HOW TO WRITE WOMEN!!! Also she flip flopped sooo much like girl why are you using Sawyer so unashamedly??? Like this woman had NO shame lmfaooo I also hated how she raised Aaron like idk it pissed me off like that’s not your baby!!! But I understood why she had to do it.
Onto what my fav seasons were. I LOVED the vibe of season one. I’m guessing it was quite groundbreaking for its time bc there was nothing else on TV like it. I also loved how fast paced season 4 was. 5-6 were great too! I didn’t love 2-3 that much, especially 3 but it did pick up towards the end. 4 was flawless though and “the constant” is one of the best episodes ever!!!
I wanna keep going and talk about all the characters but I’ll have to save it for a different post.. one more important thing I’ll talk about is MICHAEL. The show did him so dirty bc the moment he shot anna Lucia and libby, he was no longer part of the group. Like… I knew they’d NEVER let him back in, I knew he was unforgivable at that point which sucks bc I really liked his character??! And it’s so confusing what happened to him… they all met in the afterlife at the end but he’s stuck in purgatory??? SO THEN WHAT??? Also it was so unclear how he died? I mean yes the boat exploded but I never thought Michael actually died bc remember he just couldn’t die??? He tried to unalive himself before and couldn’t?? Like it just wouldn’t happen? SO THEN WHY AND HOW DID HE DIE??? It just seems unfair that he was an OG and he didn’t get to end the show with them. Same with Walt… he wasn’t there either. Nor was Vincent!
Anyways, overall great show. Clearly since I’ve got so much to say about it. Do tell me what you guys think!!! I wanna discuss it but I have no one to discuss it with!!!
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Lady Miss Detty Episode 2 Truth Talking - The Essay 13 June 2024
How I Started Loving Men in Wigs
I witnessed a live drag performance for the first time ever yesterday and it was E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.
It was my first time attending a pride-related event and it did NOT disappoint. I had so much fun with Rica and some of my friends from class. We were dancing and singing and just having a great time. I still can't believe i got to see Maxie and all the other amazing queens. I've always loved international drag queens but seeing some local ones, let alone from my own university, i cannot stress enough how incredibly proud i was.
I discovered drag back in 2020 when there was a pandemic going on and i had nothing better to do than scroll thru tiktok. Every now and then i would come across some videos of Trixie and Katya from their show UNHhhh. Back then, i had no idea who they were. I'm aware that they're men dressed as women, of course, but i didn't know that it's called drag and that there is a whole world centered around it. Still, i found myself finishing and liking their videos because they make me laugh and also because i was very attracted to the both of them (i still am!)
One day, i came across this video of Katya and Violet where they were doing a Fashion Photo Ruview of their season 7 sisters. I'm not even joking one bit when i tell you that my heart literally stopped when i saw that video of Violet for the first time. She was wearing this dominatrix leather outfit and she had like a half-up, half-down black wig with styling at the front (i don't know how to fucking describe a wig please spare me) and thought, "Oh my god. I've never seen a more beautiful human being in my life." And when i heard her laugh for the first time in that same video? It was over for me. I was done. She got me from that moment.
Until now, the effect she has on me is insane. She's just so unnaturally beautiful and confident and i fucking love her for it. Her drag aesthetic is IT for me. I was so into her that i made a drag race twitter stan account four years ago because i was going out of my mind keeping my love for her to myself. I think my account lasted for a good couple of months then i had to delete it because she did something stupid and people were hating on her. During that time, i accumulated quite a number of followers and made a couple of hit tweets about Violet making me known as one of the Violet Chacki stan account.
My account was doing so good and i made some drag race friends and i really felt like i was part of a community. But then shit hit the fan and people started accusing her of doing something bad so i decided to just delete it permanently. I'm a libra making me very bad at confrontations and there was no way in hell i'm gonna fight for my life everyday trying to defend her name when she doesn't even know i existed. And i think whatever people were saying about her, some of them was probably true. Because no matter how much i love her and how beautiful she is, she's still just a person. She's still a man.
So i left drag race stan twitter and just focused on other queens that aren't Violet. Mainly, Trixie and Katya. Talking about them and what their friendship means to me will never fail to make me emotional. Their videos are what started this whole thing for me and i cannot be grateful enough that those two white bald men exists. I remember back then, i was going through something rough and the only thing that got me through the day was their UNHhhh and I Like To Watch videos. In the process of getting to know T & K, i also got to know drag race and RuPaul and the thousands of other queens that the show produced. For some people it's reversed. They usually watch drag race first and after watching the queen on the show then they would watch other videos or shows that that queen has been on.
For me though, this might be a controversial take, but i actually don't watch drag race. The competing aspect of it is not for me. I don't like watching them lose and be sent home. It breaks my heart every single time. No matter who the queen is. So what i do instead is that if a queen on the show piqued my interest whether it be because of how she looked or how she performs, etc., then i would search her on youtube and start hyper fixating on her for a couple of weeks like a freaking neurotic. That way, i would actually know what that queen's personality is when there is no pressure of competition. This is just my personal take, everybody's different and me, personally, i don't really appreciate competitive shows.
With that being said, i'm going to confess that i've actually never finished a full season of drag race. I almost did with All Stars 7 but i think i got kinda busy so i just forgot about it. Drag race philippines too but i stopped watching when Brigiding got elimanated because she was my bias and i was rooting for her so hard that i cannot bring myself to watch her leave and not make it to the finale. Almost too with Marina on UK vs the World but again, i never finished it for some reason. I used to be embarrassed about this little fact but i think there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I love these queens because they deserve it and work hard for it. Whether i finished their season on drag race or not doesn't really fucking matter.
I'm thinking of writing more about Trixie and Katya but i think they deserve an essay that is solely about them. They have helped me through so much of my shit in life that i feel like as long as i have them and they exist and they're doing their thing, then i'll be fine. I have never had this kind of attachment to other celebrities and it shows just how much they mean to me.
I want to end this essay by saying that i am very grateful to be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. I mean yeah the idea of coming out to my parents and my relatives knowing i like women scares the shit out of me not because i'm afraid they're not gonna accept me (well i care about that a little bit) but mainly because i don't want to give them something to talk about. Just imagining them talking shit about me being gay behind my back makes me want to bash my head into the nearest wall.
But experiencing what i experienced yesterday, the solidarity of the queer people in my university, all kinds of people being their most authentic self without giving a single fuck, makes me feel so proud and happy to be a part of it. People can talk about us all they want but at the end of day, we're free. We're not doing anything wrong and we're not afraid to pursue what makes us happy even though in the eyes of many people, it's wrong.
I LOVE BEING QUEER AND I LOVE DRAG QUEENS !!!!
I cannot wait to attend more drag shows in the near future. I'm literally imagining spending my non existent money on buying show tickets and making it rain on the queens. It's my dream.
Again, if you reached this point, i love u!
HAPPY PRIDE : )))))))))
Xoxo
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11/3/2024
MY SCHOOL KEEPS HAVING EVENTS TO GO TO THE AQUARIUM BUT IT’S ALWAYS EVERY SINGLE TIME AT THE EXACT SAME AQUARIUM THAT IS 3 HOURS AWAY, I WANNA GOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!1!!1! PICK A DIFFERENT ONE THAT IS CLOSER TO ME FOR ONCE, THERE ARE A DOZEN AQUARIUMS IN OUR STATE. GOSH. I CANNOT DRIVE SIX HOURS FOR A SINGLE DAY ONE EVENT TRIP!!!!!! let me see the FISHIES !!!!!!
but anyway, as a recap:
The friend I said blocked me because I scared him away had actually done so because he got with an abusive girl who forced him to block literally everyone, including MY MOM. MY MOTHER. After he broke up with her he unblocked me and explained the situation and now we’re back to being #besties forever again. I got in a QPR with the friend who’s play I went to and then we “broke up” (I said I wasn’t comfortable with dating anymore and expressed that I didn’t want it to change our relationship, which they said it wouldn’t. Real SHOCKER that didn’t happen. Though I don’t believe they are “in the wrong” for this, they can’t control their feelings.) and now we aren’t talking much anymore. BUT I’ve been texting this SUPER cool person I met a year ago and got to speak to again at their joint birthday party. They’re so awesome and I wanna be bestest friends but it’s difficult cause they live so far awayyyy. ):
And now currently:
I’m tired. I’ve gotten better, I’ve improved in the past few months. I’ve improved significantly even from the days when I was talking about how I’ve gotten so much better. I am constantly consistently improving whether or not I’m able to notice it at the time. I know this logically. But right now I’m in a depression. I had a manic episode a minute ago and now I am quite depressed. My sleep is whack, my eating is just as bad, my hygiene is getting worse. There was a point a little bit ago where I was consistently sleeping well and brushing my teeth daily, which was insane bcus I didn’t even think that was possible. But because I always let my bipolar get the best of me and refuse to medicate I’m back to the habits I’ve always had.
To show how I’ve felt, because I’m too tired to articulate it all over again, here’s a copy-paste of some messages I sent to my best friend on 10/22, 13 days ago:
“this morning mama made me come into her room to work on my schoolwork while i was tired and annoyed, cause i have two late assignments, and it made me wanna get worse to like “punish” her or something. (edgy.) like oh im not doing good enough? im not doing as well as i was earlier in the year? im doing everything wrong and you need to supervise me to make sure im actually working when i want to sleep because im tired and dont want to be alive? well what if i starved and starting hurting myself again fucking god just let me sleep i dont want to exist but i have to get up and get on my stupid eye bleeding computer because mama isnt “doing this with me anymore” and says i cant sleep all day and stay up all night and i need to get all of my schoolwork done every day. which i logically understand is because she cares about me and wants me to listen to her and doesnt want me to spiral and get in a terrible place but i feel like what is even the point.”
“why do i do anything whats the point of being alive i hate doing anything and everything except being with my friends and thats barely something i get to do. i just want to sleep forever nothing makes me really actually happy or content anymore. why am i even alive. im really depressed right now if you csnt tell i think im habing an episode”
“manic goes straight to depression sigh”
“i hate being bipolar im gonna fucking kill myself” (/nsrs)
I was improving about this mentally, feeling better again. But me and my mom had another chat about my parents possibly getting divorced, which is something we’ve had discussions about for a while. Just me and her. And I have known in my heart, that despite what she says; My father will most likely not get better or improve and she will divorce him one day, I just don’t know when that day is. And I’ve been content with that because I know if it did happen a lot would change but it would be for the best, and all I want is for my parents to be the happiest they can be, living the best lives they can. If my mother were to make that decision it’d be because it was the only choice to protect her safety health and wellbeing, she would never do something like that lightly. But when we were talking she said if they got divorced they’d have to sell the house and we’d most likely move into an apartment, which made me start crying because I wasn’t aware of that. I’d never thought of that. That they wouldn’t be able to afford it anymore.
And now because of that, I’m currently feeling like. What’s the point of anything. Why do I even exist. Why do I do the things that make me happy if I’m just going to lose it all tomorrow. What will I even have by then. I’m going to lose everything, I’m going to lose my parents marriage and my house and my entire livelihood. There’ll be no chance for me at that point, the only reason I’ve been improving is because I’ve been here in a safe comfortable place. The whole ordeal is going to ruin me. And it’s going to be all my fault because everything is always my fault.
I’m so tired. I just want. To sleep. It’s 1:03 AM. So I will.
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lmao the amount of headcanons you have about me based off one single post is insanse. you think i have un “unhealthy obsession” with a character because i disagree with how you headcanon a characters actions as affecting other characters? did husk tell you personally how uncomfortable that interaction made him or are you just assuming what his facial expression means
also the fact that you’re saying i “don’t know the difference between sexual assault and flirting” and you making up that i apparently “don’t know flirting should be consensual” and citing that i don’t know these things BECAUSE of a show??? insane. ballistic. bombastic even.
you telling someone whose an entire abuse victim that they don’t know the difference from an abusive relationship and a “complicated relationship”? criminal offensive side eye rn. calling a character an abuser for having a physical fight with someone in A SLAPSTICK SHOW GET REAL like be so fucking for real right now.
you need to be so fucking for real about the “damage” you think this show is doing. there’s a reason so many fucking gay people love helluva boss. it’s almost like people are fucking tired of this squeaky clean representation.
do you actually entirely with your whole ass chest still think stolas is “raping” blitzo after s2e1 be fr with me. like you watched that scene where stolas was uncomfortable for most of it until the very end where he got excited and blitzo kept pushing so he could manipulate him and you were like “oh yeah stolas is raping blitzo rn” be so fucking for real i cannot believe you.
also you think angel dust being a sex worker is my HEAD CANON? HE IS LITERALLY A CELEBRITY PORN STAR. in the official comics he’s doing prostitution work. he does that at the start of the pilot too!!! or are you assuming the “he makes sex jokes to maintain his public image” thing is a headcanon, because that was STRAIGHT FROM VIV’S MOUTH.
and i don’t know why you bothered to “prove” moxxie was uncomfortable marrying chaz as if that wasn’t THE ENTIRE CONFLICT OF THE EPISODE??? NOBODY was arguing that chaz and moxxie were a good healthy relationship whose ass did you pull that out of LMAOO
god be so for real right now. my community is being legislated out of existence and you think the most pressing issue is that the cartoon demons who fuck each other aren’t in healthy relationships get real oh my godddd
ps. me telling you in your ask box not to go digging through my account and make an essay about your problems with me is not “harassment” lmao???? do you have any idea what it’s like to be actually harassed do you know what it feels like to be kept up at night because people tell you they have cameras in your house and fabricate dms of you being a terrible person all because they don’t like you?
they each have three couples on them!!!
(you can pry alastor and niffty being a qp couple from my cold dead hands)
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My thoughts on What If... Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?
The very title of the episode sends a shiver down my spine. And this is where we’re going to start.
~ long post under the cut ~
A year ago, I wrote this post as an attemp to dive into one of the most important traits in Doctor Strange’s personality: love. Stephen is a being made of love, made to love, no matter which interpretation you have when you watch Infinity War. If you don’t read comic books, you’ll understand the moment you meet Donna. You’ll begin to understand how her death reshaped his entire subjectivity out of fear of failing, being powerless and unable to control everything around him (especially death), thus the arrogant and yet a disaster of a man we all know.
Where do I even start? Stephen loved her sister deeply and felt responsible for her death. And then, slowly, he also lost his parents and his brother. He fell in love with Clea but he also pushed her away. He loved Zelma platonically and lied to her, which was enough for them to break their bond. He felt attracted to Kanna but screwed things up, even though they remain friends. He was forced to kill the Ancient One, the only father figure he had ever since his father died. And lastly, the only person who would never leave his side... also left. Yes, even Wong. Stephen has SO much love to give but he’s also afraid because he’s cursed. He truly believes his love in poison. And would you look at that? What If really delivered a story where this is actually true.
What If Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?
The level of understanding when it comes to the character is... inconceivable. What could possibly reshape Stephen into following a dark path but love? The very premise of the whole episode. This is so much more than a love letter. This is literally too much, in all senses.
Fine, let’s begin.
What if the best of intentions has very strange consequences?
No. You used the word “strange” for the pun but this is not the word. Nah-ah. I’d go with ATROCIOUS, for starters. Things are gonna escalate so quickly, my friends.
Seriously, tho? Christine is SO SO SO SO beautiful, they’re so cute together. I have this feeling that MCU!Stephen was quite toxic because of his arrogance and this is why they didn’t work out. But WhatIf!Stephen???????? He’s always praising her, teasing her in a healthy way, respecting her and listening to her. HE TRULY LOVES HER, I’M GONNA CRY ALL OVER AGAIN, PLEASE, NOT THE CRÈME BRÛLÉE, PLEASE
I’m going to leave this shot here because we need to go back to it later. Hold that thought.
And bonus points to “Yeah, well, I would call that quite remarkable.” / “Well, I would say the same about you.”
GODS. THE PAIN. STOP THE PAIN.
So in this reality, Stephen didn’t caused the car accident because he was checking his phone while driving. Also it was not the reckless attempt to pass the truck. Well, maybe it was the consequence of this act? The fact is, the car behind them loses control, which makes them crash. Does it matter? We’ll learn later that no, it doesn’t.
And yep... Christine dies. Have you noticed the shattered heart? Ah, the pain only gets better and better.
Again, Stephen blames himself. More than anything, this is so important because Stephen is all about guilt. We still need to meet Donna so we can add yet another layer of guilt. But the feeling exists. This is what corrupts Stephen’s heart and soul in all his iterations. This is what makes him the character I love so much. I love this SO. MUCH. In addition, his stubbornness to accept his condition. Man won’t take a no. This, this is Doctor Strange in character. Stop complaining about NWH Stephen, it’s pathetic.
Okay, “grief-stricken”, Stephen found the Mystic Arts and became a sorcerer. That’s when he learned about the Time Stone, the Eye of Agamotto and Dormammu. Nothing changes, he saves the universe. But time does not heal his deepest wound.
I love Wong so much. Every time Wong does something, the world is healed. Really. We’re going back to him as well but for now I’ll just leave this shot.
BUT STEPHEN, DOING SOMETHING RECKLESS? HE’D NEVAH
Aaaaaaaannnnnnd then he did.
He goes back in time. It’s been two years since he lost Christine. I think he reacted pretty nicely, despite the circumstances. Now let’s go back to that shot I said I was saving for later.
Stephen is so light-hearted here. Also, during the first time he lost Christine, he had no idea what “The Price is Right” was. He knows now, which means he probably tried to learn more about the show because of her, because of grief. HAHAHA MORE PAIN
AND THEN HE
AND THEN SHE DIES AGAIN
AND THEN HE KEEPS GOING BACK IN TIME
AND SHE KEEPS DYING
AND THE MUSIC
AND HIS VOICE
AND HE TRIES TO CHANGE FATE BUT IT CAN’T BE AVERTED
HE EVEN TRIES TO STAY AWAY FROM HER LIFE BUT SHE DIES ALL THE SAME, WHY
AND EVERY TIME THEY CRASH, HE FEELS THE PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL PAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN, WHY
I’M-- *ugly sobbing noises*
Apparently, not.
And this scene when he simply... closes his eyes before she dies again...?
This is where this episode had me in endless tears. It got me the four times I watched it. I’m dead serious.
Okay, so, next the Ancient One appears to Stephen, explaining that Christine’s death is an Absolute Point in time. It cannot be changed. Stephen needs the accident to become the Sorcerer Supreme and defeat Dormammu.
And this is where Stephen starts his journey into darkness. “Nothing is impossible, you taught me that. I only require more power.” Disobeying the Ancient One, Stephen then travels in time, seeking the Library of Cagliostro. Now, if you’re not aware of that, Cagliostro was a sorcerer who studied time in comics, and later became Sise-Neg (there’s a recent post on this because of the new Defenders run). It’s funny to think that Sise-Neg also destroyed the world when he became a god, however he grew past his pettiness and remade reality. Stephen did not possess such power, as we’re about to see.
PS: “Stop torturing yourself, Stephen.” Naur but he should use this line like a mantra. Especially comics!Stephen.
Not gonna lie, tho. This place reminds me of the Temple of the Vishanti from T&T (of course I was going to insert T&T somewhere, it’s me).
And of course they’d go for a pun with his name haha. I don’t know how to feel about this, tho. I feel like the episode is too heavy and dark for comedy. But it is what it is.
Okay but why some books are in cages??????????? And wow, it seems Cagliostro also gathered knowledge about several fields of magic.
And then Stephen learns that, in order to break an Absolute Point, he needs to absorb more power. This is when I went “oh-oh, here we go”.
And for real, is this Shuma-Gorath? Why are they keeping his name a secret? Is this the same creature from the first episode with Captain Carter, right? RIGHT? It has to be Shuma-Gorath.
Of course he tries to be polite and ends up all hurt haha. O’Bengh warns him about love but he will not listen. “Love can break more than your heart. It can shatter your mind.”/ “Is she worth the pain?”. Please, this is Stephen. He eats pain for breakfast.
Also, also, let’s take a break. We’re finally going to get monsterf0cker tentacle-lover Stephen Strange. It will cost us everything but here we goooooooooooo (yes, I went frame by frame for your more obscure fanservice needs)
Gods, I love this sequence so much it hurts. Okay, here we go.
Shmebulock???????????
AND HE STOLE THE CAPE??????????? AND DREW THE LINE ON BUGS??????
The grasp this man is holding on me right now...
Some of you will understand. I’m with you.
And here are the grostesque ones. These are hard to take SS but I had to.
Animation, sound effects, OST? CHEF’S KISS TO ALL
And lastly... the tentacles. Yeah, if you’re new... this is a thing.
Fanservice. Fanservice everywhere. (low-key the reason I also waited to write this review, I wanted to enjoy this part so badly but I was too sad for that lmao)
Okay so. O’Bengh is suddenly OLD and DYING, until we realize that Stephen spent CENTURIES absorbing mystic beings. CENTURIES. WTF STEPHEN. He had nothing in mind but the goal to save Christine. And people wonder why he went insane???? I’m sorry, O’Bengh, but I can’t take you serious when you still call Stephen Sorcerer Armani. Oh, and also because you watched him absorb beings for centuries in silence lmao. But I guess I have to because you said that Stephen is split in two since the Ancient One cast a spell on him, splitting the timelines and making them exist in the same reality before he could travel back in time. I know, it’s complex. Anything for the plot.
And now good!Stephen has an evil!twin who wants to absorb him back in order to become whole and break the Absolute Point. Cool.
I said I wanted to talk more about Wong because I think people are not talking about him enough. Wong is so important in this episode. He’s the one who’s trying to heal Stephen after Christine. He’s Stephen’s anchor.
Also, THEY FINALLY USED A SPELL WITH THE NAME OF THE VISHANTI. HOORAAAAY
So, for the sake of our understanding, I’m addressing the characters as evil and good!Stephen. Let’s go. Evil!Stephen summons good!Stephen and gods, he still holds such a strong grasp on me... unbelievable. THE DEEPER VOICE BENEDICT USES???? PLEASE, DIDN’T WE HAVE ENOUGH?
Imagine his strength to hold so many beings inside him, fighting to control him. BRO, THIS IS TOO TOO MUCH
Fine, I’ll not post SS about the fight because I’d be here all night long but I WILL say this: NOT CLOAKIE!!!!! NAAAAAAAAAAUR
Also if you ask me if I recognize any of the spells? Maaaaybe the Flames of Faltine, the not-so-crimson Bands of Cyttorak and a little trick Magik does with her portals. That’s how far I go.
I’ll not comment on the “seducing yourself to stay in the trap”. I will not. I’ll just say that the first person Stephen thought of when “Christine” was talking about the crème brûlée was Wong. That’s it.
And finally evil!Stephen absorbs good!Stephen and releases... UNLIMITED POWER (I love when the stone goes red as if it was bleeding aaaaaaa)
I can fix him...
This scene here? Poetic cinema. (I love his wings so much)
And when Stephen says her name and the other monsters’ voices echo “Christine”, AAAAAACKKKK
AND OF COURSE CHRISTINE WOULD FREAK OUT, BRO. LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE BECOME BECAUSE OF YOUR TWISTED LOVE. I’M NOT DOING FINE.
Oh, but it’s too late anyways because Stephen broke reality haha. This scene is interesting because Stephen is the only one who sensed and/or talked to the Watcher until now. I read an interview that the Watcher kinda showed up but it’s also about Stephen’s keen senses. Bit of both, let’s say. Still, man, 616-Watcher is not that cold. 616-Watcher would watch this and say “how about I intervene anyway?”. WhatIf!Watcher is brutal.
The way Christine looks at Stephen one last time also KILLS ME, DESTROYS ME, BREAK ME INTO A MILLION PIECES.
And this is where my soul left my body.
This is how they end the episode. This is how you leave me speechless and with teary eyes. This is how you give me a whole existential crisis.
This... this was brutal to watch. Really.
What can I say after this? I’m used to reading painful things when it comes to Stephen. Aaron’s and Cates’ runs are heartbreaking on so many levels. Hickman’s New Avengers is not easier. Coincidentally, What If? Magik Became Sorcerer Supreme and The End. And now Death of Doctor Strange. And yet, after everything I’ve been through, I’d never expect to watch something so brilliant, so tragic, so heartbreaking and unexpected in the MCU. Never. This is top tier content and this is my favorite character with SO MANY LAYERS and SO MUCH UNDERSTANDING. I can’t put into words how meaningful this whole episode is to me, or how deep it touched my heart and soul.
I’ve been struggling to find the proper words since then, I still can’t. All I can add is, I cried for the 4th time now. This is too, too much, even for Stephen stans. Even for the ones who are used to pain, regardless of which media you’re into: comic books, live actions or animated movies. This is literally more than I can take and yet I’m so, so grateful. The voice acting, gods, how did Benedict manage to create a better Stephen than the one he’s literally playing in real life???????????? HOW
This episode really took the max potential Stephen had to offer as a character, added tons and tons of layers based on his grief, depression, arrogance and need to control everything and created a tragic masterpiece. In 7 years of being a Doctor Strange fan, I've never read or watch something that could go this deep into the character. The closest I can think of is Mr. Misery and the metaphor of Stephen's depression. This is a whole new level of respect and understanding. This is more than a love letter. This is peak maestry. It’s perfect, it’s heartbreaking, it’s... gods, I can’t.
Sorry for dragging you until this far. Before I wrap up this review, I just wanted to remind you all that Stephen will appear again, he will smile again, he will be surrounded by people again. So this is not the end. It was painful but be brave. We still have a few more steps to take.
#what if...?#doctor strange#stephen strange#what if doctor strange lost his heart instead of his hands?#wong#christine palmer#the ancient one#long post#review#he did nothing wrong#so what? he destroyed a whole universe#/j#benedict cumberbatch
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Duo Bingo: Creek
literally i spilled my heart about them and then my laptop fucked up and deleted my post so this is going to be more condensed that it was initially
i love them <3: It’s no secret that I love Creek. I love most anything involving Craig because I love Craig but he does really shine in this ship. And it’s not that fandom hasn’t done great things with them (such as getting them canonized), but what the show has given us is so good that I don’t think I need them to really be expanded on. They’re just a perfect fit for one another, being willing to talk and work with one another even if it takes a little bit of a nudge. I just cannot imagine them NOT being in love, which makes it hard for me to find long fics of them that I enjoy. Like, what do you mean they’re hesitating? What is there to hesitate about?
romantically: OK so-- it’s not that I think they aren’t friends. I just get the impression that they are the kind of couple who can only exist when dating. If they were to ever break up, they couldn’t go back to being “just friends”. Being emotional vulnerable just isn’t a part of either of them, so they don’t know how to backtrack once they’ve reached that point. Like they can’t separate the other from the idea of love and romance, every bit of comfort done due to affection. I think this actually strengthens their bond because it means they’re always working to strengthen their relationship.
FLUFF: Sure, they can have angst, but I can’t imagine it ever lasts very long. I think they’ve already shown how healthy their relationship is, with a lot of communication and wanting to learn to understand one another. Plus, if they’ve truly been dating since they were 10? I think they learn each other so well that the develop a very competent wordless language. They come to anticipate the other’s needs before they do, which lends itself very well to domesticity. How could you ever do anything but live and love comfortably when your partner knows you so well that they’re like an extension of yourself?
[emoji]: An accurate depiction of me during the live airing of the TweekxCraig episode. I remember learning about and rush making fanart and sending it in (not that it was ever chosen lol). I cried throughout the entire episode out of happiness... my mom was there with me and I believe she was a bit concerned. Did not understand how big of a moment this was. The fact that Matt and Trey even DID that is still buckwild to me!! It’s truly insane and I thank the stars every day that it happened
#anyways its not midnight time to answer the rest of the asks#south park#sp creek#craig tucker#tweek tweak#sp headcanons#south park headcanons
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did cas really tell dean to kneel before their new god? did that actually happen? i thought him beating the shit out of dean in that alley was the most unrestrainedly horny thing this show had ever done ACTUALLY you know what scratch that new question: top horny moments from the cw's supernatural (2005 - 2020)
getting this ask feels like my sins of the last week have been weighed against the Trials I Have Gone Through since the premier of supernatural on the wb in september of 2005 and I’m not sure if it is a punishment or reward
some notes before we begin:
the ep with dean’s male siren was like, conceptually horny but not actually that horny because the dude was uglie. I’m sorry to this man
all you sam girls out there. I respect you but I do not respect jared padalecki who is JUST tall and has zero sex appeal. but those eps where he’s like, drinking ruby’s blood and then eating her pussy are. you know. I’ll give you that
I am ONLY UP TO SEASON 10 so fair warning this is not comprehensive but the horniness does seem to drop off sharply after the mark of cain is no longer in play lol gotta love a good demon murder tattoo plot
this is easily the most insane thing I’ve ever done, including the destiel manifesto
S1 EP12: the scene where dean gets healed by the faith healer, on his knees with a hand in his hair and looking somewhere between religious ecstasy, brain death and an orgasm. starting this list off great
S1 EP22: azazel possessing john winchester. no I will not explain further if u know u know <3
S3 EP10: dean being taunted by a dream version of himself, this is where we first got the daddy’s blunt little instrument line. still burned in my hippocampus a good 13 years later thank yew
S4 EP1: dean crawling out of his own grave covered in grave dirt. hot. the HANDPRINT. HOT. also tangent but this reveal after the s3 finale was WILD back in 2008 I hollered in my dorm room after canvassing for obama. simpler times man
S4 EP 1: cas’ intro scene. the barn. the shadow wings. the hair??? getting stabbed in the chest by the man you just pulled out of hell. getting aaaallll up in that personal space. his little eyebrow. “you don’t think you deserve to be saved.” OUTRAGEOUSLY FLAMING
S4 EP02: “I dragged you out of hell I can throw you back in.” <<< this angel tops. mark dean down as scared and horny etc
S4 EP16: this ENTIRE EPISODE but specifically the part where dean tortures alastair as some kind of foreplay and then alastair kicks his ass. carved you into a new animal. jesus.
S4 EP16: wait I forgot about the part where cas also gets his ass kicked and looks all....hm. dazed and covered in blood while he’s on his knees and about to die. yeah.
S5 EP4: I mean this entire ep is unfairly horny considering everyone is dying of a zombie plague and hasn’t showered in like, 4 years but if I had to pick one hmmm. the dean/dean interrogation scene with the panty kink yeah I know it’s not original but hm. it happened. also misha collins just being able to convey that CAS IS A FLEXIBLE SLUT with a single roll of his shoulders. who SAYS this man can’t act!!!!!
S5 EP18: the ALLEY SCENE. DEAN DOESN’T FIGHT BACK. CAS HOLDS HIM UP OFF THE GROUND AND THEN THROWS HIM ACROSS THE ALLEY. WHY DID EVERYONE THINK CAS COULDN’T TOP. you all had brainworms.
S5 EP18: when cas locks dean in the panic room to stop him from saying yes to michael and “well cas not for nothing but the last person who looked at me like that I got laid” I hate this show. wait I think the blow me cas line is in this episode too what the fuck were they on here
S6 EP5: the scene where dean gets turned into a vampire. between the old dude who I think calls dean a pretty boy (??) and soulless sam....watching??? no ******* but there were just some absolutely foul energies in that scene and I still do not understand WHAT they were thinking
S6 EP20: cas doing a double smite on two demons by slamming them to the ground and then shoving another demon back in its vessel and then smiting him in the same motion. TOP. ENERGY.
S6 EP22: season 6 is possibly cas’ horniest season because he’s like, going through angel puberty after getting his first boner for dean, but the final cas eps are. whoof. cas eats a bunch of souls and proclaims himself to be a new god in order to handle said boner, and then the season ends with cas telling them to bow down and profess their love to him, their new lord, or he will destroy them. note: the way this is framed makes it look like cas is only staring at dean while he says this, even though sam and bobby are also there. the season ends with dramatic zooms on both cas and dean’s faces respectively. this made me actively regret ditching this show after s5 lol
S8 EP??: literally EVERY SINGLE PURGATORY FLASHBACK. cas dean and benny are all purgatory hot in the “pop 10 cranberry pills and risk the UTI” kind of way but also. dean being the hot girl bottom between two tops who hate each other. I really. whew. I need to go take a shower.
S8 EP17: if I get canceled for including the crypt scene on this list I blame you bud. but dean on his knees begging a brainwashed cas to stop killing him WAS sexy. how many times has dean been on his knees in this list wait there’s another one coming up next jsldjfsldkjf
S9 EP2: abaddon getting dean on his knees (YEAH) and pulling his hair and praising him for always coming when called HELLO???? the only thing that ruins this is dean says “I can’t tell if we’re gonna fight or make out” because this is the CW and they won’t let him say fuck
S9 EP6: ah. this entire episode is Emotionally Horny but the horny horny part is when they’re in the car and dean is telling cas to unbutton his shirt and. watches. I know this was on my destiel manifesto but I need it here too
S9 EP9: cas, covered in blood, slitting another angel’s throat and eating his grace after getting tortured. that shot alone made me understand why this website was so goddamn horny for misha collins for nearly a damn decade
S9 EP11: MARK OF CAIN BABEY. cain watching dean beat up a bunch of demons as an audition for taking on the mark, while crowley also is a fucking voyeur to the whole thing. cain is also a hot silver fox with daddy energies. I said what I said
S9 EP 16: dean getting the first blade. he’s chained to a pillar and being menaced by a foppish dandy who wants to add him to his “collection” (WOW). dean then kills him with the blade and whew. murder is sexy sometimes
S9 EP21: dean being pinned against a wall by abaddon’s power, then using the mark of cain to break her hold, calling the first blade to him psychically and then killing her. god the mark of cain is hot
S9 EP23: dean waking up with the demon eyes NUT
S10 EP2: demon dean beating up that dude with the boring backstory and kicking his ass. really was a go on baby I got your flower moment because I hated that dude and I love demon dean
S10 EP3: demon dean being chained up and taunting sam about how his brother is gone, then hunting sam through the bunker. demon dean in general was VERY fun for me, someone who loves trash
S10 EP9: dean going berserk and killing a bunch of pedophile rapists/child abusers. I’m sorry I know this show is trying to preach morality at me about monsters and unnecessary murder and humanity or whatever but we blew past that like 8 SEASONS AGO. also the mark of cain is sexy
S10 EP14: the rest of this list is really gonna be mark of cain stuff isn’t it look I’m here to have fun. cain and dean’s fight. cain continuously tossing his mane of hair back and taunting dean with the picture of what he’s going to become, who he’s going to kill. dean begging cain to tell him that he can stop, and then ultimately killing him. rip daddy.
S11 EP4: again I have not watched this however. every shot of this episode is PRESTIGE TELEVISION because driving a muscle car is sexy. and especially the shot of dean all beat to hell and begging his car to start and giving her a little kiss from his fingers to her dash. ugh. masculinity.
S12 EP10: the bearded salt-and-pepper daddy look returns, only it’s an angel this time and he’s wearing a vest and shirtsleeves and he swordfights with a hot redheaded lady in a suit and an eyepatch. this show is good sometimes!!! and oh fuck lol I just realized this is the same guy who played krissy’s hot hunter dad in s7 probably the first guy who’s hotter as an angel than a hunter. huh.
S12 EP 11: dean riding larry the mechanical bull to “broomstick cowboy.” I have no idea where this factors into the ep but I have seen. the youtube clip
S13 EP23: from what I can tell s13 is way more emotionally horny than boner horny, although dean burning cas’ body was sexy. but the horniest part was dean saying yes to michael and then michael taking over and saying “thanks for the suit.” we are going to ignore the silliest fight scene in existence as well as the final shot ending on a FREEZE FRAME like a goddamn tiktok
S14: not gonna pick a specific moment because I have not watched yet!!! but michael dean is hot. idk why michael is weirdly hot and I cannot stand any iteration of lucifer on this television programme. it should be the reverse but I’m forever an older sibling stan apparently. someone who is catholic could probably explain this better.
S15 EP13: genevieve padalecki and danneel ackles fight flirting as ruby and anael I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY HELD OUT ON THIS TILL THE LAST SEASON
I know I am missing things but this is already an absolutely incomprehensible screed. I know I’m missing shit from the latter seasons but give me time I’m pacing myself
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How I wrote the Demon fic
Don't draw devil's traps in janitors' closets is one of my longest fic series I’ve ever written, the most notable of which would be my Demon Gakushuu fic, if you’ve seen it.
In partial response to an ask post (link here), I’ve decided to revisit my writing of this fic series! It was quite a long journey for me and I think it might be fun (?) sharing it with everyone. It’s rather long, so I’ll tag it under “keep reading”.
FYI this thread contains major spoilers for the fic (and would honestly make no sense if you do not have prior knowledge of it).
I'll just refer to the first fic in the series as Books because it has an insanely long title. Subsequent fics are in order Burgundy, Potential, Illuminate, Illuminate rewrite, and Addendum. The main series is linked here.
Addendum is not linked in the main series for reasons I'll explain below. (link here)
Books
I think one of my biggest mistakes writing Books is my lack of plot planning, and subsequently how thematically inconsistent it became. I start off most my fics with a rough idea of how I want the story to end, and a few good themes to carry me through the plot as I write, but for Books I started off with the first chapter and nothing else. If you followed the notes of my fic you'd probably have witnessed my gradual descent into uncertainty and despair as the fic spiralled out of my control due to how wrong I felt it was becoming.
The fic took a surprisingly hard toll on me. I absolutely hated it. I refused to mark it as complete because I was dissatisfied with how it ended. I thought that everyone was out of character, that I lost the original ending and goal in my head, that it was thematically messy such that I couldn't justify any ending I tried to come up with, and I was just grasping at straws trying to make it work.
The three things that bothered me were Gakushuu’s wings, Koro-Sensei and the introduction of Aina. When I started this fic I had plans to kill off Koro-Sensei at the end, however as the fic went on it became a celebration of life and learning how to live, and I knew I couldn’t bring myself to have any death in this fic... but at the same time I had Gakushuu find a lot of meaning in Koro-Sensei’s (to-be) death and I didn’t want to undo that. The wings were on a similar note, because Gakushuu spend 50k words finding out who he is and accepting that he was different. Turning that message around and making him go back to being “the same” ate me up inside, but at the same time I set-up the Demon Society in such a way that they would kill Gakushuu if he didn’t have his wings, and it’s supposed to be a happy ending, dammit! Aina was a particularly egregious case because I threw her (and Ikeda) in without any prior warning at the very last minute. I already had a whole world and setting planned for them which I never got to expand on in the previous chapters because I was so anxious about the other two points, and when it came down to the last chapter I realized I had no set-up for these two, who were supposed to be major players in the finale. Basically I was bad at writing.
Even now I cannot fully articulate why it was terrible for me, but compounded with my real-life stressors, I suppose it just became a bit too much to deal with. (This is a piece of fiction that I am creating from scratch. If I can't even get this under control, what hope do I have for everything else?)
((For come disclosure I was never formally diagnosed with any mental illness, but my parents are the sort of people who don’t believe mental illness exists anyways. I would say that I’ve had depressive episodes when I was younger and sometimes even now, but I’ve learnt my ways of dealing with them!))
Burgundy
Four days later I published Burgundy, a short sequel to Books, very shortly after only because I had already finished writing by that time. I actually do still have several half-finished follow ups at that point, but I couldn't bring myself to complete any sequels because I couldn't even come to terms with the ending of the main story. (Those wips are lost to me now.) I think I was hoping that forcing myself to publish the sequel would show me that it was "no big deal" that the main fic didn't end the way I hoped it would, but it succeeded in making me feel worse.
Potential
About one month after that I wrote Potential. It was a three parter, somehow a fifth of the length of the main fic, that followed Gakuhou's perspective prior to the events of Books. It was a prequel which imo made it easier to write, because I still couldn't move on from Books yet. I think writing Potential was me trying to remind myself why I wrote Books in the first place, to perhaps reignite my original passion for the series. It's kind of funny to think about in hindsight, and a little meta, because Potential was a lead up to the events in Books. It worked... a little bit, I think. I still couldn't reconcile my feelings for the whole thing, but through it I got to revisit the original premise that I fell in love with and expand more on worldbuilding it. I could reprise Aina and Ikeda and finally write about the world I planned to introduce them in in the first fic and give more context and insights to how the demon society was supposed to work.
Illuminate
Six months after Potential, I ran into a comment that said, "what would Gakuhou have done if Gakushuu had died?" And for some reason it struck an epiphany in me. After that I wrote Illuminate in one night, cried myself to sleep, waited one more night to proofread it, and then published it. Illuminate was an AU to the first three fics in the series, and it was a fic about grief and mourning. Spoiler alert: I straight up killed Gakushuu in that fic. And somehow that was what I needed.
I quite literally killed my first fic - I upended the terrible ending I hated from Books - everything I had been uncertain about at first? I killed it. Plot points didn't fit my original plans? Killed it. (When I reread the death scene, I... honestly think I was unnecessarily cruel. I must have really been out of my mind when I wrote it, hah!)
And then I wrote myself a love story about missing it, grieving it, and finally letting go of it. It was heart wrenching for me - I made Gakuhou cry about what he lost, what could have been, what he realized he loved, and at the end of it all he could say "I love you and I can move on from you." And I did!
Illuminate (Rewrite)
Illuminate Rewrite, one year later, was me revisiting Illuminate to reflect on myself where I've come with this series. I actually just swapped the places of two paragraphs to change the mood at the end for something more contemplative. I elaborated a bit more on this in my notes for Rewrite, so I won't repeat them here.
Honestly, I still have a hard time coming back to reread Illuminate even after the whole debacle has happened. I attached a lot of emotions through my journey with this, and revisiting it each time takes quite a bit out of me.
Addendum
Addendum was just me having fun! After Illuminate, I managed to reconcile my feelings with the fic series. I was finally able to mark Books as complete and move on from it, and afterwards I wrote a fun little au sequel to Illuminate so that Gakushuu can live again. I could creatively expand on ideas and just do... whatever! It's more of a loose connection of plot points than a real fic, honestly.
Addendum follows Gakushuu in a future hundreds of years later, after every human who he's once known in Books has died. And... he moves on! Gets a job, makes friends, lives his life, and most importantly move on.
I chose to publish in a separate collection, however, because it was an incomplete story and I didn’t want to have a half-complete fic tacked on to what I have settled in my heart as a complete fic collection.
And that’s about it! <3
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I can't get over the fact that schmico have been together longer than Amelink, Magston and Marina on station 19 who just got married in their finale. It just makes it seem grey's doesn't really have an interest in writing for queer men beyond using Jake and schmico for press.
Oh anon, little did you know, you've brought forth another one of my midnight rants. This has been bothering me for so long, and finally I can justify discussing it at length. Other people have spoken about this, but I have no life, so here we are. In short, you are correct. But, there is so much to discuss, so get your drinks and snacks ready:
What bothers me about the fact that Schmico has been together longer than Amelink/Marina/Magston is the complete disparity between how the writers portray the intimacy of these relationships. Don't be bamboozled - I don't mean sex or anything. By intimacy I mean that the writers portray Amelink/Marina/Magston as serious relationships where the characters have an emotional understanding of one another and truly carry that sense of people who know one another as partners. Obviously relationships move at different paces, but if I showed Schmico to someone without forcing them to do the math, I think most people would assume they'd been together a year at most. They fight like they are just getting out of the honeymoon phase and figuring out their boyfriend has real flaws. Quite frankly both of their behaviors (Levi constantly pushing Nico's boundaries, the whole weird ass sex buddies thing, Nico flipping out over drawers, and Levi running away ) are insane for a couple who by the start of season 17, were probably together like 2 years. Maybe I overestimate emotional maturity, but these are grown men, and you cannot convince me that these two would have made it to season 16B if they behaved like this regularly. I hate it. I hate how other couples have been together shorter time periods and get to behave like a valid adult relationship while these two are behaving like teenagers.
I've always felt Schmico existed within a pocket dimension of Grey's Anatomy - completely cut off from the rest of the cast/storyline or overall plot. I literally feel like the show stops whenever they come on screen, and we start watching this mini-show within a show. I don't know if anyone else can describe this feeling, but sometimes Schmico just feels so unnaturally placed that I doubt they are even in Grey's Anatomy.
The best way I can prove this is the fact you could place this season's schmico storyline anywhere in the season, and it wouldn't even matter. They could have had Nico ask Levi to move in with him during 17x05 or 17x06 or 17x07, etc and it would not have mattered - they are so isolated you can literally cut and paste their storyline anywhere in the season without changing anything. (I realize that technically vax guy can only appear in the last episode because of when the actual vaccine was developed, but let's not pretend he couldn't have been replaced with literally any other male character. The vaccine trial was a fun tidbit, but literally meaningless to the progression of the plot). Nothing that happens to them is dependent on anyone or anything else in the show. This wasn’t as true in S15-16A, but it is on full display now. Every once in while they get pulled into a cameo appearance in a bigger plot-line, but this has no real consequences and lasts for 1 minute at most (see Nico’s numb comments). The fundamental cause of this is poor character development and the complete unwillingness of production to make these characters part of Grey’s - but we all know that.
As a result, I truly believe the writers have some sort of temporal disorientation where even they forget how long schmico has been together. Because schmico is so dissociated from the show, it feels like the relationship is on warpspeed. Sure, a few weeks may have passed between Nico asking Levi to move in and him actually responding, but when you never see the characters in the show except for when they’re having relationship issues, it doesn’t actually feel like any time has passed. They have taken away the audience’s ability to place these characters within the show’s timeline (which is already kind of messed up to begin with). I think this contributes to the audience’s dislike of them because while other couples are seen interacting with many doctors across the hospital over multiple episodes, these two will show up for 3 minutes every two episodes and the rest of the show stops while these two get locked in an enclosed space to fight. Literally. The show isolates them to closets or on call rooms or even Nico’s apartment - if I was more meh about these characters, I’d be annoyed too that we stopped all character interactions to watch these two fight in the middle of a deserted parking lot.
This whole pocket dimension schmico is also part of the reason I think the writers struggle to figure out that they shouldn’t be behaving like this. I’m not giving them a free pass because they are part of the problem, but I doubt incorporating this side couple that only gets 1.45 minutes of screen time each week is a fun or easy job. Schmico are not woven into the fabric of the narrative, and I bet even the writers feel confused how best to write them.
I imagine the Grey’s writing room has lots of whiteboards that roughly charts a character’s plot each season. Except, schmico’s plotline is written on sticky note that Krista uses as a coaster. Once they complete the episode, someone notices Jake walking by and suddenly realizes they’d forgotten schmico. Then, there’s a desperate attempt to shove them into the story before filming begins. In the crunch, there’s no time to consider whether this makes any sense.
As for your second point about them only using them for promotion, I 100% agree. The headlines about “Grey’s Anatomy introduces first Asian male surgeon” literally haunts my dreams. I’ve spoken at length about the fact Grey’s is running on a season-by-season format right now, which I think helped contribute to this nonsense. I am hesitant to call out anyone by name because this show is a group effort, but I can’t help but feel like Jake kind of got forked. He (and Alex) put out a lot of press for Greys during Season 15, and he spent a decent amount of time talking about his storyline, and I always felt he was pretty happy with it - and Krista also spent time hyping up this storyline (Your friendly neighborhood reminder that Krista once said schmico was her favorite couple. I can’t prove it’s a lie, but I’m willing to bet my left kidney). However, they totally dropped the ball once the news articles were gone and the internet had moved onto different things. It’s pretty insulting to the actors, and I would feel pretty salty if I came onto a show where I started with a meangingful storyline only to end up here.
I have nothing too much to say in conclusion. Most of this has been said before, so it’s not like I’m adding anything new. Given how everything ended, Season 18 is looking good for both Jake and Alex’s return. While I can’t say for sure they will come back, I think that right now, Grey’s is giving them both a steady paycheck and probably good connections and resume building. Last season I was super hopeful we’d get a better schmico storyline or at least something that didn’t revolve around the same old tired plot. But we all see how that went. At the bare minimum I want to believe that the Nico’s a d*ck plot will kind of be put to rest, but they have made it pretty clear that Nico is literally at fault for everything in this relationship, so I bet Levi will be mad at him next season too.
Good thing the fanfiction is strong in the community. May you all rest well knowing you put more effort into this couple than paid professionals.
#schmico#Levi Schmitt#nico kim#grey's anatomy#asks#this is a long one my friends#I have been stewing for a while#if you are not a passenger on the salty express#you might not enjoy this
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Do you think Jon hold some love and affection for Dany? It's hard to analyse as in s7 Jon suddenly started to fall for her after she came to rescue him when in previous episode he tell her they were strangers. In s8 there was scene after dragon ride their first kiss was romantic before he got scared. In ep4 when Dany says she loves him the kiss was romantic. But otherwise the framing and chemistry was awful.
Honestly? No, not really. Jon’s character in the later seasons somehow managed to be both a clusterfuck and a snoozefest, but ultimately falling in love with Dany is just not something I think Jon would have ever been capable of.
I mean, the massively consistent aspects of Jon’s character that have always existed within him no matter what are that A. he loves his family more than anything, B. he has literally devoted his life to protecting the North, and C. he idolizes, wants to be like, and is more similar to Ned than any of the Stark children. So let’s think about that in the context of Jon’s meeting with Dany and his entire relationship with Dany.
So Jon does something astoundingly stupid that no other king or queen would do, he goes to Dragonstone with zero information about Dany aside from the fact that she is incredibly powerful and about to invade Westeros/destroy the Lannisters. Taking down the Lannisters would be plus in Jon’s book, but I don’t know that that’s enough for him to not be massively concerned about her being an insanely powerful invader. He takes a horrible risk on the complete long shot that he can convince Dany to come North and save his family and his people, because that is how important it is to him.
And what is Dany’s reaction to that? She not only says she won’t help unless he submits to her, someone who he literally just met who appears to be the most dangerous person on the planet in terms of raw power, but she literally takes him hostage despite the fact that Jon is so comparatively powerless. She immediately makes it clear that he’s a rebel and essentially that she’s probably not going to even let him leave until he bends the knee. And what’s worse (which is actually Tyrion’s fault but is something they never clarify and I can’t imagine Jon not loathing her for) is that he was brought there under false pretenses. The letter that Dany sent him inviting him to Dragonstone asked him to “join her to end Cersei’s tyranny,” he didn’t hear shit about bending the knee immediately until he met Dany and literally five seconds after he walked into the room she demanded that he bend the knee.
At this point it’s not as if Jon doesn’t understand political theater at this point, but right off the bat Dany breaks every rule of Westerosi custom and imprisons a literal king to demand that he submit to her or let EVERYTHING HE LOVES DIE while he’s a helpless prisoner. This is the FIRST thing Jon ever learns about Dany. And while Tyrion says that he’s being unreasonable for expecting immediate help and expecting to be believed, it’s like yeah except LITERALLY THE WHOLE ASS REASON HE’S HERE is because Melisandre showed up and was like yo you gotta talk to this kid Jon Snow he’s seen some wild shit and then when he shows up and is like “I’ve seen some wild shit” everyone’s like well clearly you’re insane so we’re putting you in a time out until you return to sanity and bend the knee to a complete stranger. Also not to fucking mention, unless nobody on the island ever brings this shit up, Jon also immediately learns what kind of an ally Dany is because every one of Dany’s other allies is either killed or CAPTURED and she’s just like well bummer for them guess I have to accept that as a loss or wait for them to rescue themselves even though I have three dragons and the biggest army in the world and instead of saving them I can just try to force this new guy to become my “ally” instead (and if the whole political motivation for Jon’s relationship with her stems from this it would make complete sense because he should already know that even those who submit to Dany don’t get her protection or assistance if it doesn’t serve her purpose, so he HAS to get her to feel like he’s more than just her ally).
And despite being obsessed with his bastardy, Jon values nothing more than he values his family, and Dany constantly undervalues, insults, or completely writes off Jon’s family. I actually think that’s understandable from Dany’s perspective because she only knows of familial abuse, but there is no world in which I can believe Jon would take her ignoring the fact that Robb literally died to free his people, or implying that Ned was cool with goddamn child murder, or accusing Sansa of being an evil schemer because she’s angling to keep the North free very well, and two of those three things are things she does the first time she ever speaks to Jon.
And finally, Jon wants to BE Ned. That is literally the person he has admired and emulated more than anyone, to the point where it’s almost an unhealthy obsession for him. Jon knows that Ned would choose to do the right thing over pretty much everything else. Jon knows that Ned is the type of person who would die saving the children of his enemies. I cannot fathom a world in which he would even consider loving anyone who let thousands of innocent people die for their own political gains. But again, Daenerys makes it clear the very first time that he meets her that that’s what is happening right now. She’s willing to use “her kingdom” as a political pawn that she won’t have a second thought about sacrificing in order to gain Jon’s submission. I think there was a chance that he could have truly liked her or even loved her if she just hadn’t come in so insanely hot the very first time that they met, but frankly the very first moment that they meet she shows Jon that she is exactly like Cersei, she will literally use an existential threat to all life as a tool to her political advantage regardless of the fact that it is a fucking EXISTENTIAL THREAT TO ALL LIFE.
So I think no, there is zero chance that Jon could ever love a person like that, and I think that legit the minute that he met her he put himself in a completely political mindset and was willing to do whatever he had to do to get Dany to actually help him. I just cannot imagine a world in which Jon freaking Snow would even feel a shred of respect or non-dislike towards someone who would do that, let alone liking them or loving them, and I sincerely think that within their first conversation Dany ensured that Jon would never have any real feelings for her. I understand why so many people are confused by their relationship because it is confusing as fuck, but I actually feel like D&D very absurdly overtly put so much shit that Jon would absolutely loathe into their relationship straight off the bat that regardless of anything that happened afterwards I just cannot fathom Jon Snow essentially overlooking every single thing he hates or has no respect for in this world to realize that Dany is actually the one true benevolent queen, or even a halfway likable person in his eyes.
#Anonymous#anti jonerys#jon snow#anti daenerys targaryen#anti jonerys meta#jon snow meta#anti daenerys targaryen meta#got#got meta#political!jon
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YYH Recaps: Koenma Appears
Welcome to episode two, everyone! Before we get to the recap proper, I want to continue down Nostalgia Lane for a moment. Remember how last time I mentioned a Hiei bookmark I used daily back in middle school? Well, I tore through an old "treasure box" I created as a kid (a collection containing everything from a shark tooth to a small book on witchcraft. You know, the important things every child needs) hoping to find it... but I didn't. It's a hard life we lead.
However, I did find some other YYH relics that I thought you all might enjoy seeing. Behold — and, if you'd like, laugh at — my collection:
First up is a picture of young Toguro and Genkai that I wanted to use as my bookmark, but found that it was too wide. For the record, I didn't (and still don't) care about Toguro much, he was just the byproduct of finding a cool Genkai picture. Not shown is the back of the image with the names of my classmates because I made them all sign this along with our yearbook.
God bless my friends for putting up with me.
Second is a collection of very pretty trading cards that I ordered from god only knows where. I have vague memories of not finding any at my local comics shop and convincing my mom to let me order on The Olde Internet. Did I want the trading cards to trade them? Absolutely not. They exist to sparkle and make my heart happy.
Finally, I've saved what is perhaps the best for last. Now, you have to understand that grade to middle school age Clyde did not have the education that she would receive later on, which includes a knowledge of the ephemeral nature of fanworks and the importance of accurate record keeping. What this means is that I have absolutely no context for this. No author, no explanation... just the image itself.
Was this a standalone fanart? A part of a fic? Some specific request or just the will of the artist? I cannot answer these questions. I tried a reverse image search (which is, admittedly, the extent of my tech skills) and you know what the single hit I got was? "Fiction." Thanks, google. So yeah, I can only assume that my child self considered Kurama giving a de-aged Hiei a bubble bath adorable enough to save, but the artist wasn't important enough to jot down for future viewing. Sorry about that, mystery artist. And, as should go without saying, if anyone does know where this came from please let me know! Though I suspect that this is a case of a YYH-specific site closing down and the fanworks getting lost along with it. That happened a great deal before the age of AO3 when volunteers decided to put their time and talent towards saving fanworks of all sorts...
But enough of all that. Let's get to recapping!
As we established last episode, Yusuke and Botan are on their way to the spirit world to kickstart Yusuke's ordeal. Watching this after over a decade of consuming other media, I really appreciate that Yusuke acts like a human person and asks lots of questions about this. When Botan is cryptic for the sake of the audience — we're going to see "the person" who can explain everything — Yusuke is justifiably like, and what person would that be?? I mean, this is also a way to establish basic facts for the viewer and it simultaneously feeds into Yusuke being someone who is difficult for the sake of being difficult — "If someone wants to say something, they should come to me!" — but it's just nice to see a character who doesn't accept cryptic BS because the story needs them to. If Botan gives an unclear, but ~dramatic~ explanation, Yusuke is going to call her out on that.
So she explains that they're going to see King Yama and Yusuke is all whoa whoa whoa, there's royalty involved? Suddenly, he's not so adamant that they come to him.
Botan tries to reinforce this rare spark of humility and demands that Yusuke be on his best behavior from here on out.
Pff. Yeah right.
But “he can send you to oblivion forever if he wants to!” is a suitable enough threat to cow Yusuke for now. Which is interesting considering that a few hours ago he was happy to accept hell as his rightful ending. Granted, we could argue that there's a big difference between hell and oblivion — a character may not be afraid of punishment in the same way they are a lack of existence — but I'd say this ties more into Yusuke's development at the wake. Now that he's accepted that people care for him and that he should strive to return to them, the threat of having it snatched away actually means something. Even if that line is otherwise positioned as a comedic moment.
Botan flies them through a portal where we see the River Styx below and Yusuke comments on how big everything is. At first I was like, "What are you talking about? You were just flying over some major city in fictional Japan, wasn't that big too?" but this line makes more sense when they reach the palace and you realize that yeah, it's big. As in, the camera blurs while tilting down its length to show how insanely tall it is. Yusuke and Botan are tiny gnats at the gate's entrance.
"Oh man, what a pad!" Yusuke says and sure, that's one way to look at it lol.
Botan announces that she has a "new arrival" and the gates open for them, but so far there's no one else around. One part of me wants to question the time and budget put into this scene because shouldn't there be, like, thousands of people? Even just waiting outside? The idea that this is the hub of the underworld and that Botan is responsible for ferrying all the souls, yet she is guiding just this one (1) dude for a solid day is, from a world building perspective, kind of nuts. But beyond the need to develop Botan as a character (she can't be a part of the story if her job is treated realistically, with all the endless work that entails), I think this choice functions rather well from an atmospheric perspective too. Meaning, this moment is supposed to be rather tense for Yusuke. He just died, just found out the afterlife exists, just discovered a desire to get his life back, and is now about to meet a King who can toss him into oblivion if he's rude — which Yusuke always is. So this is a Very Dangerous Moment and their relative isolation feeds into that. As does the setting. Yusuke flinches back from the hallway, saying that it looks like a giant throat, so he is now literally walking into the belly of the beast.
Suddenly, the size of the palace isn't an indicator of awesome wealth, just general intimidation. Also, check out the spikey purple mountains in the background and the harsh reds of the scene, especially compared to the soft yellow of the river. All of it is designed to create an, "Oh shit" reaction in both Yusuke and the audience.
Yusuke's image of King Yama matches these surroundings:
Oh wait! Wrong character ;)
He's massive, red, shadowed, and poses a formidable threat. And how does Yusuke deal with threats? By fighting them! Even those he can't hope to beat. Remember, this isn't a situation where Yusuke has any power here, but he still desperately holds onto the possibility that he might. What if he gets off a punch on King Yama's nose? Then goes for his eyes? Yeah, that'll work!
Overlooking the fact that it absolutely would not — Yusuke's fantasy conveniently skips how he escapes Yama's clutches — what exactly is Yusuke hoping to accomplish here? Somehow take over the entire underworld? Escape as a ghost and live out his afterlife in hiding? We don't know and that's because Yusuke doesn't know. He doesn't think ahead, he just obeys this instinct to fight. An instinct that, crucially, overrides everything else. Botan has already told him that all Yusuke needs to do is be polite and everything will be fine, but it's not even that Yusuke believes that he can't achieve that; that he knows himself too well and, fearing a slip, starts planning for a potentially inevitable confrontation. There are simply no plans outside of battle plans. Yusuke just hears about someone vaguely intimidating and his brain jumps straight to, "How do I beat him in a fight?" no matter the odds, or that other options are readily available to him. Again, much of YYH's characterization occurs though its comedy, so outside of the general humor of witnessing this fantasy, it actually does a stellar job of reinforcing precisely who Yusuke is. In life the only thing he had going for him was his ability to fight. It was his one joy, his one skill, arguably the one good thing he did if we frame those reflexes as "saving" the kid... so is it any wonder that fighting dominates his every thought? It's all he knows.
And, as we'll see down the line, that single-minded obsession is very useful to the spirit world.
For now though, Yusuke finishes his absurd plans to take down King Yama and Botan asks what in the world he's muttering about back there. Which is an unintentionally hilarious line because by the end Yusuke is not muttering, but full on shouting. Botan. How did you not hear him?
Not important. They reach the next door and we get our first inkling that all is not as Yusuke (and we) expect when Botan leans into an intercom to say that they've arrived. Tech in a fantasy spirit world? This feels not only out of place, but rather... mundane? That's the point. When the doors open Yusuke expects his super scary monster, but gets... a whole lot of monsters that aren't scary at all!
The underworld is run by various demons (or ogres), though their looks are contrasted with the harried office worker personalities they've got going on. Someone is running by with a comically tall stack of papers. Someone else is shouting into a cell phone. The first two demons we see cross paths, looking like they're about to punch one another, just as Yusuke expects... except they're just dramatically getting out of the other's way, worried not about the hierarchy of this realm, but the fact that someone is behind schedule. The nerve!
"This place is a madhouse!" we hear somehow shout and yeah, that's the joke. The afterlife is just as chaotic, overworked, and — ultimately — boring as any human office. For all the strangeness of seeing hundreds of demons, this is familiar.
Which, alongside Botan's bubbly nature contrasting assumptions about the Grim Reaper, is one of the first instances of YYH undercutting the viewer's expectations in terms of looks. No one entirely looks the part they play in this tale and if you're trying to teach people to look past surface characteristics... there are worse ways to do it. Horrifying creatures with horns and sharp teeth? Nah, they're just chill dudes trying to do their job. Cutesy girl who looks like she belongs in a mall reading magazines? Nah, she's the Grim Reaper. Terrifying delinquent with a spine-chilling reputation? Nah, he makes faces at kids and saves them from cars.
Of course, the "nah" isn't accurate either. These are monsters with horns, Botan is a cutesy girl, and Yusuke is a delinquent with that reputation. The message isn't so much that people look like Thing A, but get to know them and you'll discover they're actually Thing B, it's the idea that you can be A and B (and C, D, E...) simultaneously. People — or rather, seemingly simple archetypes — can, in fact, embody multiple characteristics at once.
We'll get our third example in just a second.
Yusuke makes a comment about this being the "dead people stock exchange" — accurate — and Botan leads him to a more ornate door past all the desks. It's clear they've arrived at King Yama's office, since she's bowing and formally presenting him to... someone. Yusuke looks around for the giant beast he's imagined, only for a tiny voice to hail him from the ground.
Looks are deceiving!
“This is Yusuke Urameshi and he’s honored to meet you." Botan knows what's up. She knows Yusuke isn't going to express anything of the sort without some prompting. Too bad he's busy cracking up at this apparent child running the show. Side note: Yusuke has a fantastic laugh.
He even goes so far as to accuse Botan of lying to him.
“Why would I lie about such a thing?!”
“Why would the spirit world be run by a toddler?”
It's true! That’s a legitimate question! I love that Yusuke asks questions. The "toddler" goes on to explain that he's actually the "mighty Koenma," son of King Yama, though he's lived fifty times as long as Yusuke, "so watch your mouth." Assuming Koenma knows and/or remembers how old Yusuke is — fourteen — and is good at math, that puts him at seven hundred years old. He looks good for his age!
"And in addition to knowing the secrets of the universe," he says, "I am quite potty trained."
You've gotta love Koenma.
Yusuke's attitude changes drastically once they get down to business. Koenma produces an egg, saying that Yusuke's ordeal is to hatch it and face what comes out. The hatching part isn't difficult, all he needs to do is keep it on his person. The challenge is in the fact that this egg will feed off his spirit energy and that energy in turn will change what kind of creature develops. If his spirit is wicked and cruel, so will be the beast and it will devour Yusuke upon hatching.
However, if his spirit is good and kind, the beast will become a sort of guardian, guiding him back to his living body.
Note though that throughout this conversation the egg is always a "beast." It's a "monster." It's not necessarily intentional, but there's a strong bend towards the negative here in the description that really emphasizes the whole "ordeal" aspect. Koenma briefly reassures Yusuke that he can remain a ghost if he prefers, but he's already made up his mind. Despite another threat of being lost to a void — this time through spiritual digestion — Yusuke takes the egg almost without hesitation.
He regrets it later though.
"I can't believe I did that."
Can we blame him? I'd be nervous about some egg feeding off the energy of my soul too and I'm a former, almost straight A student (damn you, math) with no life-altering regrets and a general desire to put as much good into this world as I'm able. I’m boring. But what if those occasional, mean little thoughts you have add up? What if the prejudices you're still unlearning stack against you? Does the egg care about what you do, or only how you feel about the act? This sort of test would eat me alive!
Maybe literally.
Good thing Yusuke doesn't have time for an existential crisis!
Just as he's beginning to regret this decision, Botan points out that it won't matter if he passes if he doesn't have a body to return to. Now, why wouldn't he have a body? Maybe because his mom is set to cremate him tomorrow.
Whoopsie.
Yusuke is, understandably, distraught. We get another excellent exchange:
“Botan, is there any way for ghosts to communicate with living people?”
“Yes.”
“SO ARE YOU GONNA TELL ME?”
I swear, Yusuke is the only smart protagonist. I mean, he's dumb as a sack of bricks at times, but that's neither here nor there. Bless this fictional boy for reacting like an actual person.
Botan explains that people are more attuned to the spirit world when they're asleep, so Yusuke can deliver a message to someone in their dreams. Seems easy enough. They first head to Atsuko, but find that she's raging drunk and nowhere near sleep.
"You fool!" she yells. "No one gave you permission to die!" Atsuko continues to yell about how plenty of people survive car accidents, so why couldn't you? "Were you mad at me, Yusuke? Didn't I raise you right?"
Botan comments on how sad the display is. Yusuke's response?
“The only thing that’s sad is now she’s got one more excuse to act that way."
Y'all, that's some mature shit for a goofy shonen anime. Yeah, Yusuke recognizes that, while she's obviously heartbroken, his death has just given her another reason to do what she's been doing for years: drinking herself into a stupor. Toss in Atsuko putting the blame on Yusuke — "No one gave you permission to die!" — plus the belief that she did do a good job — "Didn't I raise you right?" — and it paints a rather bleak picture. This is by no means an uncommon theme. Negligent parents, whether they're framed that way or not, are pretty common in shonen series, but it's still rather jarring to re-watch this as an adult and go, "Oh. The situation’s like that." It's honestly a lot when you remove it from YYH's otherwise humorous, casual context.
Yusuke heads to Keiko's next and finds her sound asleep, commenting on how her room looks more "girly" than when they were kids. Check out that smile!
He's about to try and deliver his message, but Keiko is in the midst of a nightmare. “She’s crying… what’s wrong?”
Oh my god. Remember how I just said Yusuke is also the densest protagonist around? Example A right here. You just died, you fool! You just saw Keiko collapse at your funeral. What do you think is wrong??
We get a peek at Keiko's dream where she is — shockingly! — thinking of Yusuke. He's far out of reach, walking away and unresponsive to her calls. Keiko soon trips and Yusuke disappears completely.
Luckily, she has the real thing at her bedside. Yusuke tries talking to her and at first it's unclear if this supernatural stuff is really working. That is, until Keiko murmurs about how heavy he is.
Reassured, Yusuke delivers his message that Keiko needs to help Atsuko pull herself together and, most importantly, call off burning his body. We get this very soft and pretty background to establish their yet unspoken feelings for one another, though Yusuke gets close with, “I’m coming back. I don’t want to see you cry anymore" as he brushes her tears away. Aww.
Keiko wakes, thinking at first it was just a dream, but no, "I'm sure I felt it."
The next morning she heads to Atsuko's to explain the dream, only to first hear that Atsuko had a dream too, this one about Yusuke "living in some other world full of ogres and he kept knocking them down until he became their leader." It sounds absurd, of course, but it brings Atsuko some comfort to think of her boy in a place like that and Keiko backs down. Right, she'd only had a comforting dream too.
Now, there are two important parts to this exchange. The first is that this is an excellent example of how you let the characters drive the story, rather than forcing the characters adhere to the plot you've come up with. Meaning, in the latter situation, our cast would have needed to have their personalities twisted and the viewer's suspicion of disbelief tested to give Yusuke what he needs: a sleeping family member willing to believe his message. But it absolutely makes sense for Atsuko to be drunk rather than sound asleep, so Yusuke can't rely on her. Likewise, it absolutely makes sense for Keiko to be asleep, but not believe the dream once she's woken up. After all, how many times have we been persuaded by something in the dead of night only for things to look more logical and less likely in the morning? The characters act both like themselves and like people who do normal, people-ish things, which means that Yusuke runs into more conflicts. That's good! It not only raises the tension and stakes — now he has less than a day to convince someone — but makes his inevitable success feel that much sweeter. A less well written show (cough-RWBY-cough) would have had the characters change their personalities, behave in unlikely ways, or just come up with a sudden, contradictory solution because Yusuke needs to keep his body. Instead, Yusuke actually has to work for that within the bounds of the rules established and the likeliness of each plan succeeding. The first one fails? Move onto plan #2.
Second, this dream of Atsuko's has some cool implications within YYH's world. Meaning, we're about to learn in just a moment that some people are naturally more aware of the supernatural than others, even when they're not asleep. We'll also see down the line that spiritual awareness tends to run in families... so perhaps Atsuko possesses more than the average mother? I'm not saying it's necessarily intentional on the author(s) part, but we can choose to read this dream as evidence of spiritual awareness — true insight into the world Yusuke was just in and the fantasies he'd had about conquering it — rather than just a coincidental joke for the viewer. After all, Yusuke gets his own spiritual awareness from somewhere...
(Okay, so there's totally another, canonical reason for that, but we can have both!)
So, as Yusuke puts it, “This dream business isn’t gonna cut it.”
“There’s always the final method," Botan says.
“You always this vague?”
I am literally living for these interactions.
Botan explains that the more extreme form of communication is possessing a living person, but there are two rules attached: it has to be someone you know and the vessel has to be someone who is quite spiritually aware, as discussed above. Atsuko isn't a contender because the story hasn't acknowledged that she might be sensitive, that's just my own headcanon now. Yusuke outright says, “In that case I’m screwed. There’s no one like that!"
Cut to good old Kuwabara.
At first it looks as if he's just oh so conveniently sensing a spirit right when the audience has learned he has this power, but in reality it's Yusuke and Botan flying behind him that sets it off. Again: this show is pretty good about keeping things internally consistent, rather than making choices because That's Just How Stories Work, I Guess. Kuwabara's friends note that he's acting strangely and I love this detail that apparently one of the guys is new to their group because the other two need to explain that this is the "tickle feeling." Ever since Kuwabara was a boy he's been able to sense the dead around him. Some nice, some... not so nice.
He looks directly at Yusuke — even though he's not able to see him — and declares that what's following them is “A puny low-level ghost, like a haunted racoon or something.”
I'd support Yusuke's anger more if he hadn't just exclaimed his surprise that Kuwabara serves a purpose 😂
Yusuke is pissed enough though to proclaim that he won't do it, nuh-uh, no way is he possessing this guy's body. Botan's response is one of my FAVORITES in the WHOLE SERIES:
"Here's my impression of Yusuke: look at me, I’m burning!”
Literally 75% of this series is just about a found family sassing one another and I love it.
Obviously this helps Yusuke remember his priorities and he grudgingly agrees to the plan. Botan prepares Kuwabara's body somehow — idk, spiritual magic or whatever — and warns Yusuke that he only has an hour to find someone and warn them because a human body can't handle possession any longer than that. Sure. I buy it.
So Yusuke takes control and please ignore the incredible ethical issues here. The show will never acknowledge them again.
He blurts out, “Hey, check it out! I’m inside Kuwabara, feeling smooth!"
Istg I don't remember the series being this unintentionally gay. I don't even ship Yusuke/Kuwabara and I'm digging the possibilities here lol.
Back on track, his friends drag him with, “Looks like he’s back to normal” because again, 75%. What's not normal though is Kuwabara (Yusuke) suddenly charging down the street to leave them behind. He heads straight to the restaurant where Keiko's parents work, demanding to see her. They're rightly concerned about this stranger barging in and screaming for their daughter.
Upon asking who he is/why they should tell him, Yusuke makes his biggest mistake: “Because it’s me, you guys, I’m Yusuke!”
Obviously the time limit and raw emotion of knowing who he is has outweighed the knowledge that, you know, no one would believe that. Yusuke has spent the last two days bopping around as a ghost and familiarizing himself with some of the afterlife's insanity. The knowledge of what's normal for everyone else — AKA, not dead boys appearing in strangers' bodies — is not at the forefront of Yusuke's mind.
So, Keiko's parents react accordingly! The father in particular is disgusted by this claim, going so far as to threaten Yusuke with his knife and outright insult Kuwabara's looks: “Yusuke was never ugly like you… we were close family friends with that boy!" His wife chimes in that this kind of joke is particularly heinous on the day of his funeral. Between Atsuko drunkenly blaming Yusuke for his death and Mr. Takenaka grieving for what he might have been, this is one of the few times we see someone just sad for Yusuke's passing, exactly as he was and without regrets or criticism. "We were close family friends with that boy" paints a nice contrast to the delinquent persona Yusuke was cultivating.
As he's thrown out of the restaurant he says, “We should have special passwords for times like this!” Fun fact, my family does! Well, not this exact situation lol. I was given a password as a child to memorize in case my parents ever needed to send someone else to pick me up or interact with me in any way. If the stranger didn't know the password, I was to kick up a fuss. I rest easy with the knowledge that this password would not doubt assist me if I was ever in Yusuke's position!
With Keiko's parents a bust, Yusuke starts sprinting to everywhere she frequents with the hope of running into her. Or at least he tries.
Yusuke is suddenly waylaid by a group of nameless teens with a bone to pick with Kuwabara. And you know what? I like it. I wonder how much of my praise stems from coming off of RWBY Volume 8, but it's just so nice to watch a story where the plot — simple as it is — hangs together. We've established that Kuwabara is a street fighter. Last episode we watched him start a fight with Yusuke. Yusuke is on a time limit. Now Kuwabara's tendencies have created a new hurdle for Yusuke!
Needless to say, Yusuke kicks butt, even in Kuwabara’s body.
As one guy is passing out he says, “Man that hurt! I didn’t think anyone could throw punches that hardcore except Yusuke Urameshi."
Yusuke: “Darn, giving Kuwabara a good name." LOL
You think this challenge is finished though? Nah. Over the course of about half an hour Yusuke encounters a comical number of people trying to get even with Kuwabara.
As always, I like the nods towards this writing decision to help justify it, with Yusuke wondering how Kuwabara has pissed this many people off. If you want to pull off something that has a low chance of happening, it can help to give the characters a "Seriously?" moment. If both they and the audience are on the same page over how ridiculous this situation is, the audience is more likely to accept it once the character does.
By the time Yusuke escapes his hour is nearly up. However, thanks to some coincidental plotting, he spots Keiko's friends just across the street!
YYH does a decent job of making its characters feel like they have their own lives outside of what's immediately happening on screen and we get a good example of that here. We pick up the girls' conversation partway through, both of them worried about Keiko's state of mind and, given that we'll see in a second that Keiko was in the store with them, it implies that something happened to reignite this worry. They're off enjoying their day, doing their own thing, there was an event we're not privy to, and now we catch the response to that. It just helps make the characters feel more well-rounded even though they are, at their core, one-dimensional background characters who don’t even have names yet.
Case in point: the one girl is still concerned with their image. "People are starting to say things!"
Yeah, your friend's childhood friend just died. Hopefully they're saying, "Poor thing."
Anyway, Yusuke runs up to ask where Keiko is only for both girls to run away screaming. Turns out his face is messed up from the numerous fights and Keiko's friends are easily scared.
Luckily, Keiko comes out just a second later and Yusuke is faced with the challenge of how to convince her in, oh, about five minutes. Remember, we've already established through Keiko's parents that just saying, "I'm Yusuke" doesn't work. That's why he hesitates. It's not just drama for the sake of drama, he's stuck.
“I’ve known her my whole life, there must be something between us that only I would do!”
Yeeeeaah. About that 😬
Suddenly inspired (I suppose that's one way to put it...) Yusuke runs up behind Keiko and grabs her breasts. “Keiko, nice uniform! They’re so squishy!”
It goes without saying that, like flipping her skirt up, this isn't okay. More specifically, the problem lies in the story framing this as a joke for the audience, something to laugh at despite Keiko's discomfort, rather than the concept of two childhood friends actually be that comfortable with one another. But, as already established, this is one of the more ehhhh aspects of Yusuke's characterization that, luckily, will mostly disappear as the story goes on.
Note though that the show clearly wants us to think highly of this. Not just as a "joke," but as a smart solution to his problem and more evidence of their inevitable relationship — the background becomes the same soft, bubbly background we saw during their dream conversation. And, admittedly, it does work. Keiko instinctively slaps Yusuke hard enough to knock him to the ground and he starts laughing, saying that he doesn't care what anyone on the street says, she hits the hardest.
What I do like about this is that the assault isn't the only thing Keiko bases her faith on. Not only has she already had the dream, we get to see Yusuke from her perspective, showing all the mannerisms she picks up on by superimposing Yusuke's real body over Kuwabara's. Indeed, she says as much: “I knew it was you from the first time you spoke…and it’s not just your stupid gags, or how you laugh. There are ways you move and speak that in a hundred years I wouldn’t forget."
Catch me crying in this club!
Knowing she believes him and that he's almost out of time, Yusuke reiterates his message: please don't burn my body and also keep Mom on track. Only, you know, it's phrased far better than that lol. As he speaks, both Yusuke's and Kuwabara's voices overlap until the latter grows fainter and only Yusuke's voice remains. His body too. It's a nice touch, avoiding the awkwardness of Keiko having this moment with a stranger, even if that is what's happening on some level.
“I know I’ve been a bum to you at times, but please wait for me."
His hour up, now we can get the awkwardness! Kuwabara comes out of his weird trance thing to find Keiko crying against his chest. Wow, he thinks, this girl must be really into me!
God, to have the confidence of Kuwabara.
Of course, Keiko quickly realizes it's not Yusuke anymore and slaps him too for cuddling her closer. My favorite thing is that when she does this a crowd INSTANTLY appears. I mean they TELEPORT in. We needed an audience for Kuwabara's shame and YYH delivered, all logic be damned.
“Um, sorry about that!” Keiko yells as she runs away, because she's a good person who recognizes that weird spirit things just went on and Kuwabara isn't actually to blame.
“No, that’s okay. I probably deserved it," Kuwabara responds because he's also a good person and I didn't appreciate him nearly as much as I should have as a kid.
Keiko runs all the way to Atsuko's place where she finds her dressed for Yusuke's funeral. She blurts that Yusuke might still be coming back and Atsuko goes, "He already has." Turns out she opened his coffin to "smack him one more time for leaving me" — yikes — and found that his heart had started beating again, just as Koenma said it would.
Being in a shonen anime, they apparently decide to just trust Keiko's message rather than, idk, taking him to a hospital or something.
The camera tilts up to show that Yusuke has been watching all this, including that both women break down again and comfort one another. Aww. How heartwarming.
What's less fuzzy though is this mysterious egg. Yusuke takes another look and finds that it has developed a heartbeat too, presumably in time with his body's. He theorizes that he did decent things today, right? But Botan (teasingly) points out that he did beat up a lot of other kids. Rather than getting angry, Yusuke remains uncharacteristically pensive, emphasizing the magnitude of what this means for him. He's got to get it right.
No pressure or anything! We'll have to see how Yusuke balances his karmic scales in the next episode. Until then, I'll try not to put all my TV time into Star Trek: Voyager :D
See you then! 💜
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