#what a shame I never got to talk to my grandparents about this when they were alive

[buckyclevens]

just learned that one of my great uncles was a survivor of the Bataan Death March

[rockermybuddie]

Misunderstanding

Tommy x Evan “Buck”

A/n: i write a lot of Tommy and Buck. Imma write something different. Eventually.

Summary: Its Bucks off day and he decided he was going to bake some cookies and bring them to Tommy at work. When he arrives he spots Tommy talking to someone hes never seen before. Hes about to walk over to his boyfriend when the man kisses Tommy. Buck stops and turns around walking away before seeing or hearing Tommys reaction.

————

~Bucks POV~

I feel Tommys lips on mine as he gives me a goodbye kiss. “See you later.” He whispers. I hear the bedroom door click shut and drift back into sleeping.

When i woke up i made me some oatmeal and watched an episode of The Bachelor. When i was done i was bored. Eddie went down to Texas to vist with Christopher. I’m glad the two are making mends, i know it hurt Eddie when Chris left to live with his grandparents in Texas.

Maddie and Chim are taking a short trip to Long Beach. And Hen and Karin are dealing with the foster people to get Nia. So im out of options when it comes to hanging out with someone.

I decided im going to bake some cookies for Tommy and his station, so i get to work. I’m going to make a variety and an allergy free batch.

Once i finished i put the cookies in some boxes and loaded them into my jeep. I didnt text Tommy that i was coming because i want it to be a surprise.

When i arrived i parked my jeep and grabbed the boxes of cookies with a big smile on my face. I walked into the station and scanned the area looking for Tommy.

“Looking for Tommy?” Someone asks. “Yes.” I answer. Everyone here knows who i am. “Hes upstairs in the kitchen.” The person says. “Thanks.” I smile and make my way up the stairs.

When i get to the top i turn the corner and see Tommy talking to someone i’ve never seen before. Hes tall and skinny but well built, he has short curly blonde hair. I cant tell what color his eyes are but the way he is looking at Tommy is making me uneasy and hes standing really close to Tommy. Tommy is leaning against the counter just keeping conversation.

I was about to say his name when the guy leans forwards giving Tommy a kiss. That was all i needed to see even though thats not what i wanted to see. My heart instantly sank and i turned away and got out of there as fast as i could.

I threw the boxes of cookies in the trunk not caring if they spilled out and drove out of there as fast as I could.

I drove to my apartment because i obviously didnt want to go back to Tommys bouse where i’ve been staying at most of the time anyways.

When i walked in it was kind of cold but it didn’t bother me because i was flamming with anger. I cant believe Tommy kissed another guy. I tried not to cry but it was too hard to hold back. I really thought he was the one, that he wouldnt cheat on me. I guess i was wrong.

——-

~Tommys POV~

Everything was going fine at work, had a few easy calls. We got a new person his name is Kaleb Green, great young kid. Hes been doing really good.

We were in the kitchen just talking about why we wanted to become a firefighter and the craziest calls we have ever been on.

“So is your locker the one with the gay pride flag on it?” He asks me. “Yes?” I answer carefully. I dont think this kid is a homophobe or anything but im alway cautious when it comes to telling people. I have no shame in being a gay man but having such a masculine job some people may see me differently.

“Thats so cool. Another gay firefighter. I’ve never met another one. I dont feel so alone now.” He says. “Oh, well actually…” i was going to tell him about Evan but before i could finish my sentence he leaned forward and kissed me. I definitely was not expecting that.

“Dude! What the hell?!” I shout shoving him off of me. “Sorry. Too far?” He stupidly asks. “Yes way too far! Plus i have a boyfriend. He happens to be a firefighter too.” I snap. “Please dont report me. I really like it here” he begs. “Too late.” I tell him walking out of the kitchen.

I walk downstairs to report him when i see a familiar grey jeep leaving the parking lot pretty fast. I hope that wasnt Evan.

“Hey Kinard, what did Evan bring you?” Steven asks from a far. “Shit” i say under my breath that was Evan and he probably saw what happened in the kitchen because i never saw him.

I was about to ask if i could handle this when a call came through. I had to push down my anger and my worries about what just happened and focus on the call. God i hope its a simple call so it goes by fast.

It was not. It was a warehouse fire and the warehouse contained toxic chemicals so everything we did had to be done carefully and correctly. It took the rest of the shift.

We finally got back to the station at 11pm. I grabbed my bag and headed straight for my truck. “Hey Kinard.” I hear Kaleb call out behind me. “Dont talk to me. You most likely just ended my relationship with Evan and he was the best thing thats ever came into my life.” I snap at him. Which I probably said too much, based off his facial expressions, but i need to talk to Evan tell him what happened and pray that he believes me. “Let me talk to him, then i’ll ask for a new placement.” Kaleb says, “let me fix this.” He adds. “No you are not talking to him and yes find a new placement. Its not going to work for you here.” I tell him throwing my bag in the truck and drove home.

——

When i arrive home i dont see Evans jeep which means hes not here. I dont know why i thought he would be at my house after all. I mean yeah hes been staying here most of his time anyways but this would be the last place he would come after seeing another guy kiss me.

I try calling him and texting him but hes not answering, rightfully so. I drive over to his apartment next. I see his jeep parked in its usual spot so i know hes here.

I knock on his door immediately when i arrive. No response. “Evan its me. Please can we talk?” I ask through the door loud enough he should be able to here me. After a few more moments of knocking and asking nicely I threaten to do a welfare check and kick down his door.

I then heard the sound of locks unlocking and the door opened to a cold apartment and a tall Evan with a tear stained face and a angry blank expression.

“Evan please listen, i didnt kiss him. He kissed me.”i say, this is a lot more nerve racking than i thought. Its so hard not to stutter and to hse the right wording. “I saw you Tommy.” Evans voice cracks, he walks to the other end of the table while im at the other. Hes so close but het so far.

“Evan i would never cheat on you. Please believe me. We were talking and he asked if my locker was the one with the gay pride flag. Next thing i felt his lips on mine and i pushed him away. I swear.” I tell him the whole story but i cant tell if he believes me or not.

How do you convince your partner that you aren’t cheating on them when they saw another guy kiss you? I feel like im losing him and i really dont want to.

——-

~Bucks POV~

I listen to what Tommy is telling me and my brain is telling me not to believe him but my heart is telling me that hes telling the truth. Because Tommy is the first person to ever so me the type of personal affection, how it feels to be loved. Even though we haven’t said it yet we can feel it when we cuddle, when we get intimate, and when we say the same thing at the same time.

But in this case what do i go with my brain or my heart? Part of me wants to just believe him and go back to how things were but the other half wants to kick him out of my apartment and never talk to him again.

“Evan everyone in this situation had a misunderstanding.” Tommy says. “How am I misunderstanding this Tommy?” I ask in anger. “Okay, okah, im sorry. Wrong words here. Kaleb had a misunderstanding with what i said and he didnt let me finish talking before he kissed me. I was literally about to tell him about you when he kissed me.” Tommy explains.

“Thats what they all say.” I mumble under my breath. “Say what?” Tommy asks. “That the other person kissed them.” I answer. “Evan….” Tommy says, he can tell hes losing me.

It was quiet for a few moments as each of us trys to think of something. “I’ll come get my stuff tomorrow.” I say finally breaking the silence. “W-w-w-what?” Tommy stutters. “I said i’ll come get my stuff from your house tomorrow. While your at work so we dont see each other.” I repeat. Evans face goes into panic mode as he runs a frantic hand through his rough hair.

“Evan please. Im telling the truth. Listen Kaleb said he will talk to you. He’ll tell you everything i just said is true.” Tommy says all in one breath trying to convince me. “Please leave Tommy.” I ask. I’ve been hurt by too many people that are supposed to love me to try again and risk getting hurt again and again and again.

“Evan, baby please.” Tommy begs. “Stop. Get out Tommy. Get out before i call the police.” I command. Tommy rubs his chin with his hand as he turns to the door. He looks back at me one more time before he forces himself out the door.

Now im all alone, again. I should just stay single the rest of my life clearly everyone is going to hurt me when i get close to them.

——

The next day i wait intil i know Tommy is going to be at work so i can go get my clothes from over there.

When i arrive i dont see his truck which means he went to work today. I walk up to the door and i go to type in the code to unlock the door when the door opens. I look up and see the guy from yesterday. Kaleb.

I wanted to punch the guy so bad. He messed up the one good thing i had in my life. “Evan, right?” He asks. “So you’re Tommys new side piece huh?” I snarl. “Please let me explain myself. I never ment for any of this to happen. Can we just talk?” He asks stepping aside for me to come in. I roll my eyes and walk into the house.

I took a seat at the island in the kitchen as I listened to Kaleb talk. He basically said that it was his fault that he made the move and he ruined his chance at the firehouse. He said that he’s been transferred to a new one.

“So do you believe Tommy now? That he wouldn’t cheat on you?” Kaleb asks. “He was going to come tell you instantly but we got a call. You know how it is.” “Yeah.” Is all i say. “Well i have to get going. I really hope you can forgive Tommy. He really loves you.” Kaleb says as he lets himself out.

I sat at the kitchen island with my head in my hands thinking about what to do when i saw Tommy standing in the entrance of the kitchen leaning against the wall frame.

His body language was soft and his face was filled with regret. Hearing both sides of the story and that basically Tommy was telling the truth made it a little easier to go with my heart. But still knowing another guy kissed him hurts a little.

——

~Tomms POV~

I stood there and watched Evan as he proceeded what Kaleb told him. I can’t believe i caved and let Kaleb talk to Evan but its the only thing I could think of that could save mine and Evans relationship.

“So its true.” Evan finally says. “Yes.” I say. “A lot of people hurt me in the last Tommy.” He says. “I know. I never wanted to be one of them.” I try to control my voice to keep it steady.

“I know.” Evan says, “it still hurts that another guy kissed you.” He says. “It wont happen again. I swear to you Evan.” I promise him. “I know.” He says, a small smile spread across my face.

I walk towards him keeping an eye on his body language. “So do you forgive me?” I ask when im standing in front of him. I feel like im shaking as i wait for an answer. “Yes.” Evan tilts his head up and makes eye contact with me.

A smile spread my face as i lifted his chin up with my finger and connected my lips to his. God it felt so good to feel his lips against mine again. “What were you bringing me yesterday?” I ask out of curiosity. “Cookies. They are spilled in the back of my jeep.” He answers. “You taste better than cookies.” I say shrugging my shoulders. He smiles at that.

“I missed you so much.” I say against his lips resting my forehead against his. “I missed you too.” He says. I cradle the back of his head with my hand as i take his mouth back into mine.

I have him back and im never letting him go again.

——-

A/n: I hope you enjoyed the story!

[bringbackavac]

i used to think i couldn’t hate the diaz parents because they reminded me of my parents (especially as a first born who also got dumped so much responsibility and expectations at a very young age) (i’m only a year older than my sister) + the fact that they actually had a whole unpacking and sincere apology episode had me softened up.

but!!! recently, the more i thought about it, about how long chris has been away and how up till now we still haven’t had ANY conversations/efforts on bringing him back got me SO IFFY about them. the way they just went and took christopher away without having a full fruitful conversation with eddie feels SO WRONG.

(not a single question about how is he, how did this even happen, how did even chris reach that solution to call them, is eddie okay? with everything that happened? with chris wanting to go to texas for the summer? discussing how long is chris gonna stay? what measures should they take as father + grandparents unit to approach an emotionally unstable and most possibly traumatized teen with escapism as a coping mechanism instead of talking it out, etc.)

they could’ve gave eddie the lead on what to do (AS THE FATHER??? which should be a given???), help him reach a decision, trying to help the father and son talk it out. maybe staying a few nights to see if a conversation really could be made to the kid and letting eddie handle it all first, with them as a middle man, instead of just up and dragging chris on the same day and leaving you ACTUAL child all alone in confusion and grief…

his whole life just got fucked sideways and you take his only stability, his only responsibility, the only pole of his nuclear family in keeping him the slightest bit sane, his single pride and joy, his main source of happiness, thinking it would help them both???

all that and we see ZERO of the diaz parents not making an effort to check in, update on chris’s wellbeing, keeping a communication line open still. even if the kid doesnt want to talk to his dad, they could’ve been a facilitatior and (again) the middle man for these things, on really trying to patch up the father and child relationship instead of KEEPING SAID CHILD SITTING AND STEWING ON HIS FRAZZLED THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS!!!

i really can’t believe they really thought they were “helping eddie and chris” and “thinking whats best for them both” because the request to temporarily move away to a state wayyy too far from his life just so he can not-face his father after a gigantic issue from a child?? a growing teenager with imbalanced growth hormones that affects their emotions and rational thinking abilities should’ve IMMEDIATELY activated red warning lights inside their brains.

never seem to consider that after the summer break, chris still needs to go to school wether he likes it or not. chris still needs to face his father wether he likes it or not, because eddie is still his father. instead letting the teenager taking the reigns in all the decision making based on his rage, confusion and overwhelming emotions.

and eddie, obviously never having a great example of openly communicative and solutive parents who talks together instead of barging in gunz-a-blazin’ or throwing blame and shame towards their problems (exhibit Z: this whole tragedy) + the guilt + limited emotional processing as a child, is still struggling to process his own internal issues and on how to be firm and strict to his own child

who is still a TEEN btw.. who’s first thought to solving a problem was running away to a faraway state m from home with no concrete return time.

the diaz parents must really be believe they’re helping by jumping straight in the wagon with no communication and assesments, when in reality they’re HELPING NOTHING??? other than prolonging the issue… they’re just making it worse and worse causing both fathe/child NOT getting the facilities and help to start the healing/resolving process they so desperately need and deserve.

TLDR: i hate the diaz parents, and eddie needs to step up and take charge with boundaries and decisions

[stormingfrost]

Wonders of the Invisible World 

Tags: Body horror, major character death, Implied/Referenced child abuse, original characters, pitch/sandy

summary: 

Through hundreds of years of strange things happening all over the world, finally someone sees. The Bennett family is now at the forefront of every children's tale - except, now, they learn that these tales are not only real, but much, much darker than they first thought.

For @rotg-halloween day four: castle 

Read it on AO3

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 /13

chapter four: Castle 

under cut

“So Santa is a giant Lovecraftian creature?” 

Jamie nodded. Uncle Andy sighed. Aunt Vivian looked at his mom, nudging her. 

“You alright?” Mom nodded, giving her a look that meant they would talk later. She held her new present, the one that Santa gave her last minute, close to her. It was still unwrapped

“He said he loved the children of the world,” Jamie said. The way those giant hands cupped him and Sophie… gentle and nothing short of caring. He was wondrous and terrifying. 

Jamie looked down at the baby tooth in his hand. 

The what-ifs were racing in his head. He saw the boogeyman. He talked to Santa. What if the tooth fairy visited him? He knew his mom was also wondering the same thing. She kept glancing at him, a worried look on her face as she looked at the gap in his mouth.

“What was the thing in the woods?” Jamie asked. Vivian froze. 

“I’m not sure,” Andy said. “Some sort of zombie? He was a boy. I saw his grave. He was fourteen when he died. We took him to the colonial cemetery, and he showed us his grave and then told us to…” Andy sighed, grief weighing him down. 

“He wanted us to end his suffering,” Vivian finished. “We buried him.” 

Jamie looked down. 

Not a monster. Instead, the monster was actually just a poor, suffering undead creature. 

It had calmed him but also made him feel a bit guilty. He was scared of the poor boy. 

They were spending the night at Grandma’s. Sophie and Jamie got their own rooms, and so did Mom, but Andy and Vivian had to sleep in one, on two different beds that were perpendicular to each other. Jamie guessed that Mom’s room would’ve sat empty if she never married as well, but since it was given to her, they didn’t take it away after the divorce. 

He still remembered being angry at his grandparents. They didn’t support the divorce and nearly stopped talking to his Mom. They only started talking when they realized they wouldn’t see him or Sophie again. 

He sat the tooth under his pillow. He heard Vivian and Mom whispering. 

“What if she’s real? What if she takes the tooth?” 

“I’m not sure.” 

Jamie lay down, staring up at the ceiling. Ordinarily, he’d stay awake for as long as he could, waiting to catch the tooth fairy. After seeing a zombie, the boogeyman, and Santa, he was sure she was real. 

But did he want to see her? A little bit. He was sure she wouldn’t be anything like he expected. 

He turned on his side, staring at the door. Light drifted in from the hallway. 

A strong, unnatural drowsiness fell over him. He blinked his eyes open. The lull of sleep washed over him. 

And then he was awake again. It was dark. 

There was someone in the room with him, whispering. It wasn’t a familiar voice. 

“Left central incisor. Look at how he flossed!” 

Jamie grabbed his flashlight, pointing it at the voice. 

The woman looked towards him, a look of surprise on her face. She was mostly a bird-like creature, with legs like a bird and feathers covering her body. Her arms and face were the only human features Jamie could make out. Her wings flapped. 

“Hello,” he said. The woman shook herself. 

“Greetings.” 

“I knew you’d come.” The woman smiled at that. 

“Of course! You’ve got wonderful teeth. Shame about the memories though.” 

“Memories?”

The woman nodded and hummed, and then Jamie remembered his father. He shivered. 

“See? They are bad. Wouldn’t it be better if you didn’t remember the bad things?” 

“I don’t know…” Jamie debated. “It’s a big part of my life.” 

The Tooth fairy dismissed Jamie’s words. 

“But it hurts you. Don’t you want to be happy? I wish I could go back and stop him. But I am not a creature of time. However, I am the ruler of memories. I can make you forget and remember anything I please. I control your perception of time and life.” 

Jamie suddenly regretted waking up. 

“Don’t mess with my head,” he snapped. The Tooth fairy clicked her tongue. 

“Foolish children shouldn’t talk to me like that. Now you’ve forced my hand.” 

Jamie got up. 

“No! Give my tooth back!” 

Then his mind went blank. 

“What would you like to remember?” Her voice whispered. 

“The names of planets? Your mother’s name? Your native language?” 

He couldn’t recall his own name. He looked at her in alarm. 

“Stop.”

“You should know better, after all you’ve seen. Don’t talk to me like that.” 

Memories flooded him. His mother. His name. His sister. His friends. The names of his teachers. The answer to the math problem that he forgot on the latest quiz. The details of the silver locket his mom always wore. The one time he gave a book report and tipped over his shoelaces. 

He slumped over, exhausted. 

“A pain-free memory is best, Jamie. Don’t worry. I’ll keep your memories safe. I have a palace where I keep them. They will be guarded and protected.” 

With that, she was gone. Jamie looked around. 

Then he grabbed the pillow, looking under it. He got twenty dollars from her. 

He looked back to where she was. 

Why was he angry at her? He couldn’t recall. 

Morning came, and he shuffled upstairs, to where there were warm pancakes and the smell of coffee. His mom smiled at him. 

“She’s real,” he said, holding up the twenty. “I talked to her.” 

“Did… anything happen?” Jamie struggled to remember their conversation. 

“She said I have nice teeth and I floss well.” 

“You got a twenty from her?” Andy said. “Right on, little dude!” Jamie shrugged. He still had that feeling. Like he was forgetting something important. But he couldn’t remember what it was. 

“Good morning, Jamie!” Grandpa said, coming up behind him. Jamie nodded, distracted. 

“What do you say?” Grandpa nudged him. 

“Dad!” His mom scolded. “Be nice.” 

“Well, we don’t want him to end up like his father, now, don’t we?” Mom got up in an instant, dragging Grandpa out of the dining room. 

“Wow,” Andy said. “That’s a new low for him. I’d be surprised if she talks to him again.” 

Jamie looked up. 

“What does he mean?” Andy sighed. 

“Your dad wasn’t nice. He was comparing you not verbally answering him to your dad’s abuse.” 

Jamie’s eyebrows scrunched together. 

“I… I don’t remember my dad.” 

Andy looked down. He looked at the twenty-dollar bill in Jamie’s hand. 

“Did the Tooth fairy do something to you?” He asked urgently. Jamie shrugged. 

“I dunno. I don’t remember a lot of the conversation.” 

Andy frowned. 

“Joyce,” he called. “Something’s wrong.”

[monsterfuckerconfessions]

For several years now I’ve been wanting to buy a knotted dildo (why do they never have smaller ones) but my dad often helps me with finances because I’m really bad at math and I would be super embarrassed if he found out. I doubt he would be mad at finding out I’m a monsterfucker, but it WOULD be super awkward, especially since a lot of knotted ones are labeled “dog” I don’t want my family to have an even worse impression before I can explain! Maybe it would be easier if I could drive and try to find in-person shops and pay in cash, but I have a health problem that makes me driving illegal sometimes, so that’s not a practical option. I know you aren’t supposed to use things that weren’t designed to go inside of your body, but I’ve been using an old detachable razor handle for years because of this. I don’t know what to do! I don’t think my dad pays much attention to what I buy but if something is flagged as unusual by the bank, they will sometimes call him about it. I’m not sure what I should do. I haven’t even bought a regular sex toy because I’m self conscious about this, let alone one like that!

I’m the “my dad helps me balance my checkbook and I’m terrible at math but I want a dildo” anon, and you don’t have to post this part if it’s too uncomfortable. That’s why i didn’t include it in my first ask. But the only time I had a friend offer to help me buy one that friend later died before it could happen so… I don’t really have anyone around to ask for assistance in… this. I know these aren’t your usual confessions, but i don’t really know where else to confess to this. The only other friend I think might possibly have helped me, moved a state away and i don’t want to bother her about it. I joke about being a freak sometimes but I really doubt my older family who might have heard me say that actually expects me to consider “freaky” something beyond oral. I’m not… I’m shy and wasn’t raised by people who were into much extreme stuff (my parents didn’t even swear around us until we were all over 16, and even now they don’t do it much! There are slurs I didn’t even know existed until senior high and my parents never used them! For obvious reasons. Which is good, but gives an idea of what I mean when I say not extreme. Even my grandparents are/were like this) so I’ve been told that it’s surprising when i tell a friend about these things for the first time. Coming out as demisexual wasn’t nearly as stressful to be honest, that might be weird but admitting my (admittedly not super exciting among this community) kinks feels shameful and humiliating for some reason. Telling a close friend is different I guess. My parents aren’t conservative people, not politically or in many other ways, but they definitely don’t know much about kinks. I can say that with confidence, I’ve read the romance novels my mom had lying around and I’ve seen them react genuinely shocked when something a little crazy happens in a show we’re watching. I just think I might have super vanilla family (in the 25 years I lived with them the most spicy things I encountered were those romance novels and what might have been lube) and I’m sure they would react, if not badly, just awkwardly. It would be super uncomfortable. They are the kinds of people to hear about that, look slightly horrified, say “okay” and just avoid talking about it after that, but every time a conversation gets too close to that everyone is awkward and avoids it. It’s like when someone is trying to talk about politics and everyone has to kind of bite their tongue or a shouting match will start while we’re trying to watch the mandalorian, just less aggressive, so not exactly the same, just similarly uncomfortable. This one also got longer than I meant it to. I don’t expect that my parents would disown me or anything, but it would change some things (although because my mom and I accidentally shared a kindle account when I was in highschool I’m pretty sure she knows I’m into monster romance novels) sex isn’t really a taboo topic, but it’s also not a comfortable one

[child0feden]

You probably answered this before, but how did you find out about black metal?

Hope you’re having a lovely day, and sorry for my english!!

🦚

୨୧ hey there, peacock anon! i actually have not answered this question before but i would be more than happy to ^w^

i found out about black metal when i was around twelve and thirteen, much thanks to my older cousin josh!

i was already listening to some nu metal thanks to games like shadow the hedgehog and other pieces of media that used a lot of nu metal music! honestly, i would give a nod to the radio stations in grand theft auto: san andreas and grand theft auto IV for helping shape my music taste quite a bit too! but yeah, i was into lighter metal first with the usual heavy metal and nu metal then later on i discovered death metal and black metal through my older cousin who was very into it

my older cousin had given me a lot of his CDs because he just didn’t particularly want them anymore and if i remember right, i am pretty sure he was going to college and just didn’t really have time to listen to them that much anymore! his collection had quite a few extreme metal CDs, i listened to them, was beyond infatuated with what i was hearing and just kind of fell down the rabbit hole after that day…

when i was obviously more into it and was doing research of my own, which consisted to simply googling bands and becoming very obsessed with them, i began finding more and more bands… alas, here we are! definitely not just a phase lolol

i remember one incident so clearly, he used to burn some video game soundtrack CDs for me because i was younger and just didn’t really know how to do it, and on one of these CDs he had purposely slipped in fucking your creation by dodsferd and god did that scare the hell out of me whilst listening hehe… incredible song though, that whole dodsferd album has a very special place in my heart because of that day and how obsessed i was with dodsferd for a solid year following it! venom, of course, was another one of my favourite very early bands… i have a welcome to hell shirt that i want to be buried in solely because of how young i was when i got it and how much shit it has been through with me

obviously as the years went by, i only got more and more interested in the bands and began buying books, then documentaries and then literally anything else related to extreme metal! well, i say i was buying the stuff but it was really my grandparents… they do not love extreme metal, they were never exactly pleased when it was all i would have playing on my cd player but they are not the type of people to tell people to stop doing what they enjoy, they just supported my interest which was more than i could ever ask for!

my mother is the same, she could never really listen to extreme metal herself but she was and still is always buying me stuff related to it and she has does have some exceptions that she can actually handle listening to like venom and similar bands

unfortunately me and my older cousin do not really talk much anymore, not at all… we didn’t have a falling out or anything, just kind of drifted away which is a damn shame because he was the only other person in my family who liked this type of music! but what can you do? maybe one day we’ll start talking more again…

thank you for this ask! i always enjoy talking about my general life and interests

i’m having a very good night so far, thank you again! i hope you’re having a great day or night too, peacock anon! no need to apologise, your english is perfect here and i understood everything <3

[goldyluna]

Revenge ask (like revenge boop) I know you have already talked about yttd AUs, so maybe you could tell something about your OC(s) too? (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

Yasss, hell yeah I will. The problem is I don't know which one to pick... So I will probably write about them all (with some fragments that I wrote years ago).

But I will tell you first about the world my ocs live in. My universe is named The Beginning of The End (cliche but it stuck). This world is full of magic, superstitions and prejudice. But it is also beautiful in some ways. Woods filled with life, people with good intentions, spirits showing the way. Unfortunately, the story starts with death. Five of them exactly.

✮

Let's now meet our main characters:

Golden Rose – she is a beautiful medium with crazy mind. She can see the ghosts and do favors for them. She tragically lost her parents and had to live in an orphanage. Her only friend was a kid ghost, Boo, that never takes off his ghost sheet. Rose can let the ghost possess her, but if she lets them stay too long, the connection to the ghost world starts getting bigger and bigger, letting in the evil spirits and making it harder to close the connection. A lot of people died the day she first lost control. Desperation and guilt push her to drastic measures filled with water and flowers.

Tear – a Dark Empath. He was cursed even before he was born, because his grandparents angered the wrong people. He feels the emotions of other people, but without them he is an empty shell. People from his village shunned him and all he can feel from them is hate and distrust. Empaths are common, but the evil ones are called Dark. They like to take emotions from other people to leave them empty like dolls. People think Tear is one of them so the only positive emotions directed at him are from his mother and sister that likes giving him cute accessories. If Tear ever was close to feeling any of his emotions, it was love for his family. But curiosity killed the cat. He read that people choose suicide as a way to feel. So what's a better way to check it out than trying to fly?

The Seer - not a lot is known about her. Her age, name and story is a mystery. People say she is untouchable, no man ever got to kiss or to touch her, that usually angered them. The Seer got her name because she draws and paints the future. The hands and magic guide her so she isn't really aware during the process. The Seer lives in a dark, magical forest, full of creatures. She also specializes in dark magic. It is a shame the magic she loves so much can also hurt her so fatally.

Elijah – demon spawn, a creature of hate. Contrary to the title, he was born from love. It was the people fearing everything that looked different that wanted him gone. His life was mostly peaceful, living in the forest with his "aunt" so he doesn't bring danger to his parents. Unfortunately, hunters don't know when to stop looking.

Raven – he can heal anyone with just a touch. He is a talented medic too, even if he isn't using his powers. His parents are ritch and wants him to be a doctor, but don't accept him. They still call him his daughter, even after transitioning, as they think it is just a phase. He still loves his family and would do everything for them. So he heals and heals and works hard. But everything has the price. Wound for wound, life for life. The recompensation must be the similar weight as nothing happens without a reason. Raven has a chance to see it himself one day.

★

Like I said, it all begins with death. But that is the real beginning of this story. Let's see one together!

✮

How funny is it that ghosts judge less than living people? Thought the Golden Rose on her deathbed. This bed was hot water in a bathtub covered with rose petals. There were tall candles burning brightly around them and next to them were smoking incense sticks with the scent of summer flowers. It could have been a romantic sight if the girl didn't know that the water was about to turn red. Her naked body ached and shivered from the cold, even submerged in burning water. The ghost hands were holding onto her hours after tragedy. Ghosts are nicer than living people, ghosts teach me new things, Róża continued in mind. It wouldn't be that bad to become one of them. She ignored the voice in her head telling her that ghosts can be as vicious as living people. "Are you sure you want to do this?" the voice asked, waking her up from her thoughts. Next to the bathtub was a young boy standing. His face and most of his body were covered with a white sheet. He looked like a ghost from cartoons Rose watched on TV when she was little. His voice was full of sadness but also understanding. After all, he was a big part of her life with her, so he knew what she went through. If he were alive, he would shiver only thinking about it. "Yes." A blade shined beautifully in orange and red flames. A hint to what will happen next. "Okay then. It's time to say hello to the Grim Reaper."

✮

But wow, that's how the story starts and Golden Rose is the main character! It doesn't mean she didn't die. But if they die now, it will be forever.

So maybe let's go to one of the first interactions of our main casts!

✮

A girl with strange eyes and goat-like horns looked at them in disbelief. "Why are you so calm!? So... relaxed? Shouldn't you be at least a little scared? After all, you have lost your chance for a normal life! And you... You sit and drink tea as if nothing happened?!" The nameless girl shouted, losing control of herself. Tear felt her confusion and anger. He decided that she was one of those people who didn't like not knowing what was going on. As if her hands and eyes were tied, sitting in the dark. Poor girl. "What normal life?" asked Rose. Her voice soft and lacking the usual edge, as Lucifer had fallen asleep in her lap fifteen minutes ago and she didn't have the heart to move him. "In my normal life, I killed myself. Just like everyone else here." The medium stopped petting the cat to messily gesture at everyone present in the room before going back to petting. Lucifer purred loudly, making her smile for a second. "This whole school is a fucking graveyard of the walking dead. Aren't you one of them, dolly?" "I- of course, but-" "Plus, I've seen stranger things," The Seer interjected. She had already drank her own tea and was staring at the grounds at the bottom. She had to say the future looked interesting. "You try living in the swamps. I'll finally sleep in a regular bed and talk to someone other than my old books. After so many years of knowing each other, they have little to say."

"...And everything tells me that life with you all will not be boring."

✮

That... went well? Our group of misfits is weird but normal is booooring!

And even misfits deserve some love and family. People that will do everything for each other, even the craziest things...

✮

Golden Rose suddenly stopped and turned her head towards the nymph. There was a strange gleam in her eyes and her lips curved into a smile. However, it was a bit too wide and too sharp to be friendly. The make-up completed the image of a cruel jester. "Why shouldn't I kill you, hmm?" she asked in a sweet voice. Too sweet to be genuine. Suddenly her smile dropped and her face became completely blank. "You know... I've always been a fan of Shakespeare's works. Hamlet was my idol, he made pretending to be mad so easy. So I tried it myself and I have to tell you... I was great at it. But now I'm not sure if I'm still pretending." A dark laugh echoed and bounced off the stone walls. Nymph shivered with cold and fear. In the semi-darkness of the corridor, Rose's eyes glowed dangerously. The medium turned completely towards her prey and a knife in her hands looked unnaturally sharp. He hadn't been there before, but the sea girl wasn't going to ask where it came from. Despite her earlier words, she had no intention of dying today. Permanently this time. "Remember, don't play with me and what is mine. Then you won't have to worry about the Fool and his madness... Got it?" "Y-yes," tears welled up in her eyes, her shoulders were shaking. "Good girl," Rose almost purred, looking the nymph straight in the eyes. She brought the knife to her cheek gently, but still blue blood escaped down the blade. "Hmmm, if you weren't such a bitch, you'd be quite pretty. With tears on your face, blood and a look of complete devastation. I would like to destroy you. More." And suddenly the feeling of cold metal disappeared from her cheek and she took a breath, not knowing she had been holding it. The medium was nowhere in sight, but she still felt as if she was surrounded by the undead. Shaking herself, she started running towards her dorms, promising herself that she would avoid the newest group. It's full of freaks.

✮

So that's that! I gave myself a hard job talking about all characters, but well. I love them all. I hope it was interesting to read at least!

[murdockbuckley]

omg 10 wips?? which one is your favourite?

better yet, what is your favourite line from each??

i cannot pick a favourite but here are some snippets from a few!!

1. aroace eddie

It was forced upon him with the expectation of a domesticity pertaining to romantic love. An expectation he could never live up to, for a reason he could never admit to - for fear of being known, of being shamed, of being different.

2. girldad!buck

I remember the first time you told me about the family you made for yourself in LA. About how your Captain felt more like a father to you than Philip ever did. About Hen and Chim who felt like your older siblings. And how Athena marrying Bobby made her your sort-of-not-really-but-kinda mother. I know the bond you all have has only grown stronger through the years. They are your family. Her family too, introduce her to them. Let her know her grandparents and her aunts and uncles; Maddie is right in that they would all love and accept her, no matter how long you think you’ve ‘kept her secret’.

Ask them for help. They will help you without any hesitation, okay?

I know Eddie is probably there with you, or you’ll be telling him as soon as you’ve finished reading this. Lean on him. Accept his help. Talk to him. You are each other's safety nets, so don’t be afraid to fall into him.

3. poet!buck #1

Later that week, Buck found himself alone in his apartment with the rain pattering gently on the windows. Not the most ideal weather for him, but if he wants to write about his thoughts from that night, and everyday since, he supposes it’s a fitting choice. Maybe The Universe is trying to help jog his memory - it’s not as if he remembers every excruciating detail of every moment.

He sat, with pen in hand, on the floor in front of the coffee table. Maybe not the wisest decision because his leg pain will inevitably flair up, especially if he’s not careful. But he got some floor cushions, the big and comfy circle kind - they’re not bean bags Eddie - that he brought for the purpose of playing board games with anyone who would keep him company.

Buck supposes trying to hack into his ten year old self’s brain to write some shitty poetry is also a good use for them.

4. poet!buck #2

They were sat just far enough from the others Eddie didn’t feel bad about starting this conversation now. Besides he was curious, and he’s almost died enough times to satisfy that curiosity (Buck had already taken care of the being brought back part of the idiom).

As Buck was about to say something more, a grape hit him in the forehead. He reeled back with an offended look and Eddie hid a chuckle behind his drink.

“What are you two love birds talking about?”

“None of your business, Howard.” He threw the grape back at Chim, Eddie laughed at his offended expression.

“Oh come on. Were you just flirting with my brother in law, Diaz?”

Eddie smirked, “Oh yeah. I was telling him all the things I would do to him when we make you look after Chris next week. Like-”

“Oh gross. I love you boys but I do not want to be hearing about your sex life,” Hen interrupted, Chim exaggeratedly nodded along with her while the others laughed at her disgust.

“Chim asked! Besides, I never said it was about sex.”

“Alright, knock it off now. The actual kids are coming to eat, let’s keep it age appropriate?”

Buck floundered, “But- but I know so much about your sex life because of Bobby that’s not fair.”

Athena shut him up with a warning glare, Bobby pressed a smiling kiss to her temple.

[transtalesofdoom]

Personal experiences with Gender Roles as an AFAB Transmasc

I know not everyone's big on describing yourself with your assigned gender, but for me, it is a pretty significant part of myself and my upbringing specifically. And that's kinda what this post is about.

Growing up as a nonbinary transmasc, there weren't a lot of opportunities for me to have strong feelings about my gender, whether that'd be dysphoria or euphoria.

Presenting masculine-ish as a girl is pretty easy. It's socially very acceptable. We even have a word for it. Tomboy. If there's a non-derogatory version for feminine-presenting boys, I'm not aware of it. I wasn't a full butch tomboy, I kept my hair long and happily wore dresses to special occasions. I also wasn't exposed to particularly strong gender roles. My godfather wore his hair long. My mom being a single mom meant she had to fill the dad role too. My grandparents were equal to each other, even if my grandma was the housewife and my grandpa was the breadwinner - roles that they mostly wrapped up by the time I came around. My gender expression was never about gender, really. It was about convenience. Pants are comfier and allow free movement. Make-up just takes up time in the morning. Flat sneakers are comfier than anything with heels. I wore quite an amount of pink, not by explicit choice, but because they were convenient hand-me-downs. Wearing a pink sweater was more convenient than having to go shopping. Once I got older, I cut my hair short. Also for convenience, of course. (Spoiler: That one wasn't for convenience.) So I didn't really have an opportunity for an "aha" moment when expressing masculinity for the first time. It was just always kinda happening. And it wasn't particularly special. It wasn't like presenting more feminine bothered me, either. No "aha" moments from that side.

I think it's a little more difficult for transmascs to experience and especially identify gender dysphoria. Because growing up female, you're taught over and over that what makes you female is awful, inconvenient, and shameful. Boobs are heavy, painfully sensitive, they get in the way, and give you back problems. Wearing a bra hurts. Not wearing a bra hurts. Bras are expensive, too, but don't you dare show them in public. They're only acceptable in public when they're on poster advertisement models, looking seductively for some reason. When it comes to boobs, no one actually likes having them, but a lot of people enjoy looking at them. There's thousands of jokes about dicks or dick related masturbation. Middle schoolers draw dicks everywhere. It's the height of comedy. You ever see a vulva drawn somewhere? Know a joke or even a euphemism for masturbation involving a vulva/vagina? No, that's taboo. Periods are awful. There are so, so many things I could say here about menstruation, social stigma, pain, and so on. I'm not going to. You've heard it all before, countless times. Of course you hate your period. No one likes their period. There's another whole section I could write about women's role in society as caregivers, about emotional labor, everyday sexism, but you've heard all that as well and the post is long enough already.

Of course you hate being a woman. Being a woman is miserable.

And within this atmosphere, within this external and internalized misogyny, within this misery, how do you differentiate? How do you tell apart dysphoria and the pain of womanhood you've been told is normal? A lot of terfs use this a talking point. They like to claim that trans men are just women who couldn't cope with the misery of the patriarchy. This post isn't about debunking that, but I'd like to briefly go on record and say that they're full of shit. Trans Men are Men. Trans Women are Women.

As someone who hasn't experienced a lot of gender dysphoria or euphoria, this does leave me with the occasional wave of doubt. Are these really trans feelings? Do I just hate being a woman, the way every woman does?

Then I remember that gender is an entirely fake concept and I can do whatever the fuck I want.

[polyamorouspunk]

Hi, just wanted to vent. I recently told me mum that I'm polyamorous and have another gf and I was just so disappointed in her reaction. She wasn't mean or unaccepting or anything so I feel so stupid for for feeling this way.

I gave her a letter via my sibling that still lives at home and when they told me they had given it to her I was super nervous all day. She took all day to reply to me (she is a self employed landlord so the fact she was too busy to get back to me straightaway is all self imposed) and even then it was my sibling who had to phone me in the end to have her talk to me. I poured my heart out to her in the letter, talking about how this was me involving her in my life and how anxious I was. And she just said something about how she didn't have a problem with it and it was really a "private matter" whatever that means. She also compared me to my cheating grandad (dad's side) and speculated on whether it ran in the family. She also doesn't seem that interested in my new gf (idk how else to refer to her) and only asks about the gf she previously knew about when on the phone.

I just wanted to have a real emotional conversation with me and she's clearly oblivious to that or doesn't care. She also will never approve of me telling my grandparents (her patents) and so won't give me any help with that which I know without asking because she won't tell them about my sibling being nonbinary.

It sounds pretty bad now that I've written it out so I feel less bad about being upset. Thank you if you take the time to read this

- 🐇💕

I never came out to my mom until my brother did first.

My brother was the first one to come out as gay, though as my mom says, he never had to, she ‘just knew’.

Me? I had to come out. And even when I came out I still got asked if I was allowed to call myself gay.

I never really outright told my mom I was “trans” either. She jokingly would call me “My boy!” And I would enjoy it, but then told me referring to me as a “son” was weird. But I agreed.

I never told my mom when I had other partners. To be honest, it just wasn’t worth it, just like it’s not worth it to argue with people over my pronouns or whatever or people assuming I’m cis or calling myself a lesbian without explaining that actually I like men too or whatever. It just wasn’t worth it.

But I hated myself for being polyam. I despised myself. I had so much internal shame that I had heard people talk about having for being gay or trans but had never understood in those regards.

I knew my brother’s dad had cheated on my mom and my dad had cheated on her, and I didn’t want to be compared to that.

My mom was fine with my brother being polyam, though, so I said I was too. But that’s all I’ve really said. I honestly don’t know the details of my brother’s dating situation anymore but it’s not any of my business.

She felt she was the one who had to tell my grandparents about my brother being gay, and probably me too.

My mom tells me about her ‘dating life’ which honestly I don’t really care to hear about, and I’m not really a fan of when she prys into mine.

While it’s not a “private” matter I think it’s a personal one, and one that’s to be disclosed at one’s discretion.

There will be people who understand parts of us but not others. I don’t think we can ever fully, truly understand someone else. How we support them- or I guess, don’t- is what matters.

And people come around sometimes. People change. Sometimes for better or for worse.

It can be hard to care for someone you see as… intruding… into what you know, even if it’s about someone else’s life. But I hope that maybe she can come to see them somewhat as equals. Not that one partner is more important than the other, that one matters and the other doesn’t. But just two seperate but equal entities.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Ocean View

Fandom: Superfam, Batfam, DC Comics

Summary: A pair of shoes, a fragmented memory, and a collection of newspaper clippings.

An empty box of cigarettes, a second phone, and a beach house with locked rooms.

Chapters: 6/?

Characters: Laney Kent, Jason Todd, Clark Kent, Lois Lane, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Chris Kent, Tim Drake

Relationship(s): JayLaney, Clois

Additional Tags: No Powers AU, No Capes AU, Secret Identity, Social Media, Romance, Angst

Chapter Six: Valentine's Day

Jason woke me up to breakfast in bed, and he'd washed my clothes. "Did you sleep at all?" I mumbled. He nodded.

"I fell asleep right after you. You went to sleep at seven o'clock, almost eight," Jason replied. He sat next to me in bed, and he ate some of my strawberries. "Eat your breakfast. You can wear whatever you want in the house." I ate my pancakes and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

I showered and picked out one of the outfits he left lying around. I got dressed, and Jason met me near the front door. "Saturday?" Jason asked. I grinned.

I said goodbye to him and drove straight to work. I ran into my parents in the parking lot. "Morning, Mom and Dad," I smiled.

"I can't wait to hear all about your second date," Mom grinned. I never dated, so this was special for my mom.

Dad pushed up his glasses and looked over at me. "He made dinner, and we talked. Then he woke me up for work with breakfast," I whispered. Dad held the door for us as we all went into work. Mom sat down at my desk and fixed her makeup. Dad stood close by.

"How many more dates until you start calling him your boyfriend?" Dad asked. I grew quiet as I thought about his question.

"Ten. Let's make it a nice even ten dates before we start using that word. We're going out again on Saturday. So that'll make it our third date," I whispered. Dad looked at Mom, and she gave me a kiss on the cheek before going straight to her desk. "What's wrong?"

"And Christopher's birthday?" Dad asked.

"I never miss Kit's birthday. I was actually hoping I could talk to you about that," I smiled awkwardly, "Can we have his party at my place?" Birthdays were a big deal in the Kent family. They came second only to gotcha days. Hosting a birthday party was an even bigger deal.

I think it surprised Dad to see me taking that responsibility. "Do you want my help?" Dad asked. I nodded.

"I already have ideas," I whispered. Dad beamed. "Listen, I'm not going to mess this up. I promise."

"Lane, I love you so much," Dad whispered. I wanted to hug him. I really did, but I was afraid he wouldn't hug back. I chewed my lip and almost bit down out of shock when he embraced me. "I love you so much, and I see that you're trying." I held onto him and tried not to cry, but I couldn't hold back the few tears that forced their way down my cheeks.

I finally felt like I could breathe. "Can I stay the night?" I asked. He nodded.

"I'd like that... And I'm so happy that you're dating someone," Dad whispered, "Shame for some of the kids in the mailroom, though." I knew he was joking, but I couldn't help but be a little puzzled as I watched him walk back to his desk.

I thought it'd be a slow Friday, but Uncle Jimmy came back from his trip, and he was immediately called away to take pictures of a beached whale. Then, the new girl asked me to go with her to do a story about an older couple that was born on Valentine's Day. The car ride there was unbearably quiet. "So... Where are you from?" I asked. I really hate small talk.

"Muskogee, Oklahoma," she answered.

"Oh nice, I'm from Smallville, Kansas... We left when I was thirteen, but I was living there with my grandparents up until a week or two ago," I explained, "I lived with them for five or six months."

"I figured you were from somewhere else. You like it here?" the girl asked. I nodded. "I got here just a month or so before you came back. I'm just now getting used to it."

"It can be a lot on the senses... Sometimes I have to go back home just to get some quiet, so that doesn't ever really go away," I whispered.

"You date in the city?" she asked.

"Well, I date this guy who visits the city a lot. We just started going out, but I don't know if it's-. I used to live in this building," I whispered. We got out of the car, and the older couple buzzed us up. When we got up there, I recognized them both, and they recognized me.

I raised my shoulders out of discomfort. "How're you doin', kid?" asked the older man. I nodded. "We thought something happened to you. Maggie made me talk to the landlord, but he said you'd moved out."

"Yeah, I stayed with my grandparents for a little while. I'm back for now, but I live somewhere else," I explained, "I figured nobody would want me back in the building." I tried to laugh it off.

I was a horrible neighbor. Between the noise and the stray cats, I was surprised that they'd reacted kindly to seeing me. I let them do their interview while I took pictures. After the interview was over and I got in the car with my coworker again, she looked at me. "Why'd you move?" she questioned.

"Know how I said I go to Kansas to get away from the noise?" I asked. She nodded. "I'm the noise." We didn't say anything else for the rest of the ride back to work.

When I got back, my mom pointed to my desk. I saw a little heart-shaped arrangement of succulents and a note sitting on my desk. I sat down and read the poem attached to it. "I look for you in dreams/ In daylight's hours/ I fear I will never find you/ As you are in moonlit nights/ I only hope that when night's hour returns/ You'll bring sunlight back into my life." I touched the letter to my lips and smiled.

Mom came by and sat across from me. "What'd the note say?" Mom asked.

"He wrote me a poem," I whispered, "Mom, do you still love Dad the way you did when you first started dating?"

She gestured for me to lean in close, and she whispered, "No one starts out in love when they're dating. I wasn't in love at first, but I am now." I grinned. That was what I needed to hear. She patted me on my cheek. "Ten dates is quite a number. Eight more to go, right?"

"Right," I whispered.

[webbywatcheshorror]

Webby Reviews Horror: Ink (2009)

Ink is a movie about extraplanar entities, invisible to our plane, who visit us at night and deliver dreams (or nightmares). One night, a young girl's soul is kidnapped, leaving her waking body comatose. Allel, a Dreamgiver, must hunt down the creature who stole her before it's too late.

Ink is another movie that I love dearly! I love the worldbuilding, the characters, the use of music and lighting.

It's not a very well-known movie, which is a shame, because I feel like it could have a fairly strong following if more people got to see it.

So let's talk about it! Review under the cut, and as always, SPOILERS ahead!

Alright, STRICTLY SPEAKING, Ink is not a horror movie. It's more of a fantasy with some elements of horror and suspense. But this is my review blog and I do what I want.

The movie opens up with a scene of a little girl (Emma) and her father (John) spending time together one morning. She wants to play pretend, but Dad is awkward, like he's not sure how playing pretend works, but he gives in and tries anyway, leaping out of his comfort zone and into her world of pretend beasties and forts they must defend. it's really cute, if a little too brightly lit.

Then we are introduced to a core concept of the movie- the Dreamgivers. As the neighborhood falls asleep, dozens of individuals literally POP into existence and slip into their homes, where they deliver sweet dreams through a gentle touch. It is weirdly shot in some places, though, reminding me of a medication commercial, but I suppose that can be the nature of dreams.

The Dreamgivers just look like regular people, in contrast to their opposites, the Incubi, who are dressed in black shiny trenchcoats and have their faces projected onto a screen like a mask. The Incubi deliver nightmares, as you might expect, though not through touch- they simply sidle up to a sleeper and whisper negativity that influences the dreams.

I like how differently the two factions are portrayed- the Dreamgivers are warm, personal, almost loving in their duties, while the Incubi are cold and impersonal, projecting fears and insecurities on their victims from afar.

In this world, however, there are more than just Dreamgivers and Incubi, and we meet our primary antagonist, Ink, when he POPs into existence and steals Emma, who is living with her grandparents. Except, he has stolen her on This side of reality- the Dreamers' side- leaving her physical body there without a soul.

Our Dreamgiver protag Allel tries to fight Ink off, and is backed up by some of her compatriots, giving us a really cool detail about the Dreamside World. When objects are damaged, such as furniture, it reverses itself back into its normal state moments later. It's a really cool visual and helps to establish the fact that Dreamsiders can't affect the real world.

Ink kicks everyone's ass and manages to escape with Emma's soul by playing a funky lil beat on a hand drum, which opens a gateway they vanish into. That, in itself, is a cool ass concept. Let me just play a little ditty and get gone.

Ink (the character) is a tragic figure. During the course of the movie, we learn his goal is to become an Incubus- detached, unfeeling, perfectly formed. We are told that his entry into the Dreamside was painful, and when we get a face reveal, we see he is covered in scars, with an almost comically enlarged nose (think close to Adam Maitland's character transformation in Beetlejuice for a comparison) and only a few long thin strands of hair on his otherwise bald, scarred head. he intends to deliver Emma's soul in exchange for this new status.

See, the Dreamside is implied to be the Afterlife. There are angelic figures like Liev the Storyteller; demonic figures like the Incubus Prince; drifters, like Ink, who used to be human but never settled into one side or the other; and Pathfinders who can hear the beat of the world and actually influence it.

The Pathfinder we meet is a blind man named Jacob who serves as a guide and comedic relief from some of the dramatic tension, and is also my second favorite character behind Emma. He seems deeply unserious, but he's dedicated to the task at hand- saving Emma's soul before her body expires. He's just gonna give Allel shit about it the whole time. ("What are we supposed to do when we find Emma on the other side?" "SHAKE THE SHIT OUT OF HER.")

His ability to affect the world gives us my absolute favorite sequence in the movie- he opens his little case he's been carrying and through it, emits a soft little gust of wind that sets off a chain reaction eventually culminating in a car wreck that sends Emma's father to the same hospital she's in. (Even if you don't want to watch this entire movie I do highly recommend looking up that scene on Youtube!)

This movie is an artistic one, utilizing light and environmental storytelling to provide a lot of the details- for example, when John is actively being influenced by an Incubus, the world around him dims, then darkens considerably, showing just how alone he feels in his misery and anger. During the first Flashback sequence, he is shown to be (literally) in the spotlight at work, over and over, congratulated for his business sense and smart dealings, while at home the light is dim as his wife pleads for him to stop working such long hours and spending so much time away from the family.

The movie also uses color to signify which layer of reality we're in- the real world is often overly bright, but colorful, where the Dreamside is mostly gray and muted. I like visual cues that communicate to the viewer details like that, helps me keep track of what's going on and where we are.

The Twist of the movie is decently set up and can be figured out if you're paying attention, but don't feel bad if you don't, since there is some timey wimey bullshit going on. Alternate Worlds love having time work differently than the real one, and while it may be a cliche, it's a fun story element that opens up more possibilities.

Ink is John. Or, at least, a version of him that could be, if he keeps on the path he's on right now. Ink is what happens when John ignores his daughter's condition and continues to work and do coke and withdraw from the only family he has left, resulting in Emma's death. Ink is what happens when John gets so low he takes his own life.

The Final Battle is a fantastic scene- on the Dreamside, we have a handful of Dreamgivers fighting to keep the Incubi who are swarming the hospital at bay and away from John so he can make his own choice; on the reality side of things, we have a normal day in a hospital, with John wandering down the halls in search of Emma. There's a sense of urgency and a rapidly approaching time limit on the Dreamside, but in the real world it's peaceful, almost dreamlike.

Ink/John's journey to recovery parallels how hard it is to come back from the darkness in our own world. How the promise of relief from your pain can be so seductive that you'd give up anything, everything, just to be free. How hard it is to let go of your resentment and admit when you're wrong, when you need help. How even a hand extended in friendship can seem like a threat.

This movie ends on a good note, leaving me with a sense of relief and satisfaction. As I said before, it's not so much a true horror movie as it is a fantasy with some horror elements, so that's probably why it has such a happy ending, but I digress.

I give this one ten ghosts outta ten, because I love the story, the worldbuilding, the visual effects, and the characters a hell of a lot. And because Jacob is right, sometimes you really do just gotta shake the shit outta people. (Maybe don't orchestrate a car accident as your first option though.)

[faofinn]

No. 22 "They never saw us coming, 'til they hit the floor."

@whumptober-archive

Glass Shard | Vehicular Accident | "Watch out!"

As the family got bigger and time got more precious, it had become tradition that they’d all spend a week camping together, to spend time as a big group, over the summer when the kids could all play together and entertain themselves, and their parents could relax and spend time with each other, when the school holidays were hectic as ever. 

It was a wonder they were able to do it, half the hospital’s staff on leave at the same time, but they managed it. Fao, Ely and their kids, Finn, Jess and Amelia, Tai, Hars and their trio, the dogs, and often the grandparents too. Steve particularly relished it, taking every opportunity to join them, spend time with his grandchildren and their cousins, as well as his son. 

They’d had the most amazing time in Cornwall, the weather just perfect, sunny and warm without being too hot, and they’d spent time walking, playing on the beach, and of course visiting various castles and historical landmarks, Fao and Finn unable to kick the tradition of a lifetime. Both Fao and Finn had had to pack up the day before, unable to get any more time off work, but Hars and Tai had been able to get the extra day, along with Steve, and they’d chosen to stay and make the most of the time. Eventually though,  they’d had to pack up and go, though, and it was a shame to finally be driving home (although Tai’s back was looking forward to his proper mattress after a week on an airbed, something that Harrison had teased him about relentlessly.) 

It was a long drive back, with Tai taking the first half of the drive before they stopped, and Hars agreeing to take the second half. The kids were exhausted, which meant they were squabbling, and Tai twisted around in his seat for what felt like the hundredth time in five minutes. 

“Alfie! For the love of god, stop antagonising your brother! Kieran, don’t hit him. I know you’re tired, but that’s no excuse for violence.”

“He was being stupid!” Kieran protested, folding his arms over his chest. 

“Ah, no. I don’t want to hear that sort of language, please. Nobody’s stupid. If you can’t get on, don’t talk to each other. Read, or do something else that doesn’t involve winding each other up. We’re nearly home now.”

“But-“

“I don’t want to hear it, Alfie.” He said, turning back. “Behave, the pair of you. We’ve had such a nice time, don’t ruin it now.”

"Come on, boys." Harrison said softly. "Why don't we play I-spy?"

"That's boring." Alfie huffed. 

"Alright. Tai, you gonna go first?" Harrison asked, ignoring Alfie's protest. 

"Sure. Uh, I spy with my little eye, something beginning with…T!"

As much as Alfie wasn’t interested, he joined in the guessing, and Harrison relaxed again. He glanced in the rear view, checking where his dad had got to, making sure he was still okay. Steve was only a few cars behind them, but that meant he was still on the right road, so he returned his attention to the road in front.

It all seemed to happen in both an instant and for eternity. There was a flurry of horns and the scream of breaks in front of him, a lorry crossing the central reservation and veering out of control - and heading straight for them. Harrison swore, instinctively swerving as much out of the way as he could; at least if the cab just hit his bit, the rest of them might be okay. There was a flash of pain, of metal grinding and bending, the bodywork biting into flesh, and then, nothing. 

There wasn’t a part of Harrison that didn't hurt. Each breath was a struggle, and the first few had him unconscious again. His ears were ringing, his kids were screaming, and as much as he tried to stay awake, to help them, it was no use. He groaned with each exhale, the overwhelming feeling of drowning only worsening with each breath. Despite his efforts, he couldn't piece together a coherent thought, but as a hand slipped into his, the thought was clear: Tai. He managed a squeeze back, barely there, so, so weak, and gone before he could do anything else. 

It happened so suddenly, one minute everything was fine, the next Harrison was swerving and everything exploded with pain. Tai had seen the lorry a split second later than Harrison, hadn’t clocked what was happening until too late. It was overwhelming and yet distant, and Tai’s only thought was Harrison, his ears ringing. He reached out for him, finding his hand. It seemed like an eternity before he felt Harrison squeeze back, the tiniest hint of movement. It was far too hard to stay conscious and Tai found himself slipping again, and whilst the panic rose it was too late - he was out, slipping into comforting blackness. 

Both twins had hit their heads against something, their thoughts sluggish and thick. But the car was suddenly not doing what it was supposed to, and neither parent was responding. Blood dripped from Kieran's nose, and there was a cut across Alfie's forehead that was oozing steadily. His throat was raw from screaming, begging his dads to talk to him, but there was nothing. Kieran's expression of panic matched his own, and the pair reached out to hold the other's hand, gripping onto Levi's in the middle.

A few cars behind, Steve had watched the whole thing unfold, watched the lorry suddenly veer, watched his son’s car swerve to avoid it, watched it unfold as the two collided in a horrible twist of metal. As he slammed on his brakes, and the traffic around him did the same, he felt sick to his stomach, grabbing his phone and immediately dialling the emergency services, waiting just a split second more before he leapt from the car, aware what he was doing was so, so dangerous and not caring. That was his son, his family. There was no way he was standing by and not doing anything. Not again. He’d do whatever he could to save them. 

Harrison was stubbornly unconscious as Steve got close, head resting against the door's window frame. Glass shards had torn his skin, the lazy trails of blood mixing with the steady stream from his nose and lips.

Other people headed towards the wreck too, a mix of wanting to help and morbid curiosity; after all, the state of the car screamed a fatality, or at the very least a life threatening injury. 

As Alfie caught sight of Steve, he hammered against the remaining glass. "Grandad!"

He was relieved to see his grandson, even frantic in his panic. He’d already tried what was left of Harrison’s door, and no dice, that wasn’t opening. He tried the back, desperate to help. “I’m here, I’m here. You’re going to be okay.” He reassured, though it felt cheap. 

"Dads aren't talking to us." Kieran's lip wobbled. "Are they dead?"

"Are we going to die?" Alfie added, eyes wide with fear.

"You're gonna be just fine, okay? I'm here." 

Ambulance, is the patient breathing?

"I, uh, I don’t know. We're on the m25, just after junction 9. My son, his kids, they've got in a crash. I can't get to him, I can't see if he's breathing. There's three kids. They're breathing, they're awake. I'm here, don't worry, I've got you." Steve did his best to relay through the panic. "There's two ten year olds, they've both got head injuries but they're talking. Levi, he's five, he's crying. You're doing so well, you're so brave, it's okay. Tai was the passenger, he's got a head injury, he's not conscious. Fuck, he's got an open fracture femur, yeah, he's breathing. Hey, easy, easy. No, no, he just got agitated but he's out again. I think Harrison's trapped, he's my son, he was driving. There was a lorry and it swerved across and hit them. Please hurry, I can't lose them. Harrison's got a pulse but his breathing is shit. I can't get to them, the car's all mangled. You're being so brave, Bug. I know, I know, it's scary, but you're gonna be okay. You're gonna be sick? That's okay, Kit, try and relax, breathe through it.

Harrison's had a liver transplant, he lost his leg in Afghanistan. Tai's a type 1, as is Kieran. Alfie has epi pens, he's got a few allergies, no, not to medications. Levi's got asthma, and problems with his lungs. Are you nearly here? You've got to be, please tell me they are." 

“That help is being arranged for you now, we’re coming as quickly as we can. Stay on the line with us until the crew is there, okay?”

He turned away, grief and worry overwhelming him. "I can't lose these too, not like this."

The dog barking pulled Steve from his spiralling thoughts of worst case scenarios. Scout. He was in the back, of course he was. He rushed round, pulling at the boot, trying to get it to open. It finally opened, much to his relief, and his hands shook as he tried to check if the dog was okay. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” He reassured. “Good boy, Scout.”

Scout continued to wriggle around Steve before jumping against the car. He yelped as the metal scraped his paw pads, but continued trying to get to his family, panic clear in his whines.

“Careful, careful. It’s okay, we’ll get them out.” Steve tried to soothe the dog, as the sirens cut through the air. Finally. 

Alfie stretched a hand towards his grandfather, ignoring how the glass bit at his skin. Blood mixed with dirt as he desperately tried to seek comfort, not caring about anything else but his family. 

Steve reached out to take his hand. “It’s okay, you’re going to be okay.” He reassured him. “It’s all going to be okay.” 

He gripped into Steve’s hand, holding it as tight as he could. His lip trembled as he searched Steve's face, but he was too overwhelmed and in shock to cry. 

"My leg hurts." He said softly. "And my toes are all tingly." 

Steve sighed, but tried to keep his face neutral. “It’s okay, the ambulance is nearly here.”

"Kieran's nose is bleeding and he's been sick and Levi hasn't stopped crying." He took a shaky breath. "And dad's aren't awake."

“It’s alright. Just breathe, just breathe. The ambulance is coming, your dads aren’t waking up just yet but they’re going to get help. They’re going to get you out as soon as they can, and Scout’s okay. I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.”

"Why can't you get us out? Can't you fix it?"

“I can’t get the doors open, Bug.” He said gently. “And the paramedics need to have a look at you first, yeah?”

"Please, grandad. Please."

“I know, Alfie. If I helped you out now I could hurt you more, and I don’t want to hurt you. I need you to stay put, okay? Stay put and they’ll help you out as soon as you can. I need you to be brave. Can you be brave for me?”

"You won't hurt me."

“I know, I know.” 

Harrison groaned from the front seat, the pain overwhelming but cutting through the haze. 

"Kit? Bug? Leaf?" He slurred, trying to turn to check on them. The pain doubled and he groaned again, his head falling back against the headrest. 

“I’m going to go speak to your dad, okay Bug? You stay there for me, you’re being so so brave.” Steve said, moving to Harrison. “Harrison, Hars. You’re okay, don’t move, just breathe for me.”

Kieran, on the other hand, didn't listen, reaching forward for his dad desperately. 

“Kieran? Stay still for me kid, your dad just needs space, alright? I’m with him, I’m looking after him.”

He whined, tears falling immediately as he grabbed at his stomach. "It hurts!"

The sound of his son crying had broken through to Harrison, and he struggled against everything to try and move. He couldn't move his legs, and he wasn’t sure if it was because they were trapped, or worse. He couldn't feel his left leg, and there was a flare of embarrassment as he realised the seat was wet, though his fingers were red as he moved them away.

“Harrison!” Steve’s voice was sharp. “You need to stay still, okay? I’m here, I’m looking out for the kids. I need you to focus on you, alright? Talk to him, but don’t move.”

Everything was blurry and out of focus, and he could feel himself slipping again. "Kit's 'urt."

“Help is coming.” Steve reassured.

"They're not here."

“They will be.” He could still hear the sirens, fighting their way through the traffic. 

Harrison groaned once more, nausea flaring out of nowhere. He couldn't help but vomit, the retching sending a stab of pain lancing through his abdomen. It was all too much, and he finally slipped under again, eyes rolling. 

Steve hated every minute of this. He couldn’t do anything, he had no kit, he was completely useless and out of control. The only thing he could do was reassure his grandchildren, who were scared out of their mind. He couldn’t do this again, he couldn’t lose them like this. What Harrison had brought up looked to be pure blood, though with the amount of blood everywhere, it was almost hard to tell. He went back to reassuring the kids, the only thing he could do, Scout still barking and unsettled and making life a hundred times worse.

[micahthemoon]

September 17 2023 My last living grandparent passed away today. The day Billie Joe Armstrong’s dad passed away as well. It just occurred to me while writing this entry that this is the case. But that is not what I want to talk about.

Let’s have a disclaimer here: I will NOT be limiting my words for this one. I will just type/say what I need to say. It will turn as long or as short as it needs to be. Because today I want to talk about the conflicting feelings, I have about my grandmother not being with us anymore.

We were close when I was younger. Yet when she was diagnosed with dementia I must admit I tapped out. It didn’t help that she was one of the few not knowing about my new name or identity since my mother made me keep it a secret since “my grandmother just wouldn’t understand at her age and with dementia and all that”.

The few times I then visited my grandmother I was constantly waiting to be misgendered, hearing my deadname and getting talked to and about like I was still the little girl, my grandmother knew. The best days where those she didn’t mentioned my name at all. Or acknowledge my presence, really. So why even be there if I felt it better that I wasn’t? It is a horrible way of thinking about it, but this is the truth. I didn’t want to be there even if she was still the happy and amazing self she had always was if only a bit more confused and stuck in the past. I didn’t want to be reminded that I could never be honest with her and that she would never get to know me.

All this has culminated in my feelings at her passing being a tumbled mess.

I am sad to know that a person I loved and cherished is no longer with us. At the same time, I am happy that she got her peace. She hasn’t had it easy the last few years. I have been told recently that she was fading away and couldn’t stay away for more than a few hours at the time up to her passing.

I feel shameful for not doing more for her and for not being a better grandchild. And yet I also feel relieved not to keep up this façade anymore and that now everybody in my family still alive knows who I am and the journey I’m about to embark on.

I feel sad that I didn’t get to show her my authentic self although I understand that this might not have done anything good either way. New information is near impossible to take in when you have dementia so me trying had a possibility to just hurting both me and my grandmother more in the process. But because I didn’t tell her I feel selfish, and I feel selfish for now feeling a burden is off my shoulder, and I feel selfish for not feeling more sadness outside of myself and my stupid gender identity.

I am wearing all black today. I have been making an Instagram story dressing up to Welcome to the Black Parade. I will probably blast Wake Me Up When September Ends after writing this. This are all ways I feel like grieving. Yet I also feel horrible for doing this because this is all things connected to me and not to my grandmother. My grandmother had no clue who either My Chemical Romance or Green Day were. Would she even care if I had told her this was what I was going to do? Shouldn’t I instead look back on old photos and smile and cry and remember all the great times we had together? Making the day about her instead of me?

And yet when I look back at old pictures, I see the lie. I see the girl my grandmother thought I was up to the very end.

Life is not black and white. It is shades of grey. While today I wear black and try to keep my thoughts about my grandmother as white as I can, I know this isn’t the case for life or for my feelings themselves. Every bright memory has a shadow side.

Yes, I am sad to say goodbye to her. But I am also relieved that she is gone. In all this emotional mess, I mostly just feel numb.

[pyxy-styx]

1-100 you did this to yourslef

You're right, I did to this to myslef.

1. What's your middle name? Gonna change it to Parker eventually. Right now, it's the maiden name of a dead grandparent I never met and have no attachment to.

2. How old are you? 59 (18)

3. What is your birthday? October

4. What is your zodiac sign? Libra

5. What's your favorite color? Purple

6. What's your lucky number? Don't have one, if had to pick, probably 10

7. Do you have any pets. Three cats, a dog, and a bearded dragon.

8. Where are you from? Jupiter, I came to earth to rob people and ended up stuck here

9. How tall are you? At least 5' 5"

10. What shoe size are you? Good question

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Four I think?

12. What was your last dream about? Another good question. I have no idea, I only remember the really bizarre ones

13. What talents do you have? I'm fairly decent at piano when I'm actually able to play

14. Are you psychic in any way? We're gonna go with no

15. Favorite song? Whatever It Takes by Imagine Dragons

16. Favorite movie? Legally Blonde today

17. Who would be your ideal partner? Oh what a shame, someone played the Uno skip card and I can't answer this question

18. Do you want children? Yes and no

19. Do you want a church wedding? Only if I get to kiss a girl in front of my grandma and my dad officiates

20. Are you religious? Kind of??

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Unfortunately for my parents, yes. I am currently the not-so-proud owner of the Most Hospital Trips in Two Months award in my house

22. Have you ever gotten in trouble with the law? Got the cops called on us a few times because our downstairs neighbors, who knowingly moved into a place with kids btw, were pissed that we acted like kids and ran around a bunch

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? Loads, we used to go to conventions a lot. There's pictures and autographs somewhere

24. Baths or showers? Showers

25. What color socks are you wearing? None right now but usually black

26. Have you ever been famous? Nope

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? In theory yes, but unfortunately people suck, so no

28. What type of music do you like? We rotate between multiple genres, pop and goth are the top two

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? No

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? I'm not gonna go count

31. What position do you usually sleep in? On my stomach but I can't do that without dying right now and it sucks

32. How big is your house? Please don't make me do math

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Cereal or whatever leftovers sound good

34. Have you ever fired a gun? Yes, I suck at it

35. Have you ever tried archery? Yes, I suck at it

36. Favorite clean word? Dystopia, it sounds pretty

37. Favorite swear word? Damn

38. What's the longest you've ever gone without asleep? Two days

39. Do you have any scars? Yes and literally none of them have a cool story. They're all from me being clumsy

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Nope

41. Are you a good liar? Depends on who I'm talking to

42. Are you a good judge of character? Ehhhh

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? I can do a few, they're not the best though

44. Do you have a strong accent? You can tell I'm from America

45. What is your favorite accent? Probably Scottish

46. What is your personality type? Idk

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? Probably the Technoblade merch

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yep

49. Are you an innie or an outie? What on earth does this mean

50. Left or right handed? Right

51. Are you scared of spiders? Only when they're touching me, they're okay otherwise

52. Favorite food? Pasta

53. Favorite foreign food? Thai coconut soup

54. Are you a clean or messy person? Both

55. Most used phrase? Probably "what the fuck"

56. Most used word? Funky

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? Like five minutes, thirty if I'm doing makeup or hair

58. Do you have much of an ego? Oh yeah

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Both

60. Do you talk to yourself? Yep

61. Do you sing to yourself? Yepyep

62. Are you a good singer? I like to think so but probably not

63. Biggest fear? Drowning

64. Are you a gossip? Nope

65. Best dramatic movie you've seen? Does My Girl Count??

66. Do you like long or short hair? Short hair

67. Can you name all 50 states in America? Nope

68. Favorite school subject? English

69. Extrovert or introvert? Yes

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nope

71. What makes you nervous? Everything

72. Are you scared of the dark? Yes

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? I try to sometimes

74. Are you ticklish? Unfortunately

75. Have you ever started a rumor? If I have I wasn't aware of it

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Kinda

77. Have you ever drank underage? Cooking wine and shitty beer are disgusting

78. Have you ever done drugs? Yeppers

79. Who was your first real crush? I have no clue

80. How many piercings do you have? None

81. Can you roll your Rs? In my accent? No. In other accents? Yes

82. How fast can you type? Fast enough it's illegible if I'm not careful

83. How fast can you run? I have no idea

84. What color is your hair? Brown

85. What color are your eyes? Gray

86. What are you allergic to? The medicine they give you for strep throat. I'm not figuring out how to spell that shit

87. Do you keep a journal? Nope, I had to stop because my older sister kept reading my old one

88. What do your parents do? Mother dearest works at Walmart and Dad stays at home

89. Do you like your age? It's alright ig

90. What makes you angry? That is unfortunately a very long list

91. Do you like your own name? It's quite nice

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so, what are they? I have not, we'll cross that bridge if we get to it

93. Do you want a boy or girl child? I quite honestly don't care. A kid is a kid and I'm gonna love them regardless

94. What are your strengths? I'm pretty smart, I guess?? I've been told that I'm pretty good at rationalizing things

95. What are your weaknesses? I am unfortunately a very anxious person. No matter how much logic I use, I can't get over some shit

96. How did you get your name? I was named after a comic book character, my parents just gender bended the name

97. Were your ancestors royalty? I fucking hope not

98. Do you have any scars? I'd just like to point out that this is on here twice and your answer is back at 39

99. Color of your bedspread? Dark blue right now

100. Color of your room? White walls, pink carpet

[idyllic-affections]

🌻 i wasnt going to share it but then i thought that maybe someone else also feels like me and maybe will feel a little better knowing its not just them but hmmmm all this culture talk. hcs represantion stuff. it made me a little sad cuz yes, i am slavic and yet it just... soo doesn’t feel like. i know about some holidays but i never got to enjoy them cuz they arent even celebrated anymore. maybe by some. and its a little hard to learn about slavic beliefs and mythology cuz, well. hard to when some of the sources were destroyed but anyway!!

(i have a book though. it is about mythology and while i still have yet to read it, i treasure it a lot)

my point is that it really makes me sad to be so distanced from my own culture 😭 i dunno what traditions in my country were first slavic but then got christianized, they dont teach us about it in schools!! and. its a shame. its a rich and pretty culture and to have so little of it just makes me >:(

and while i know that my country is mostly christian so its excepted to not celebrate slavic holidays traditions etc etc etc. it still makes me sad 💔💔💔💔 i never can get my words right when i talk about it so do forgive me for my rant but eh 😔😔😔

i understand this so deeply and honestly 🌻 anon, you are not alone in feeling this way.

being biracial is really difficult for me sometimes because i am not in touch with either of my cultures whatsoever.

personally i blame my dad's side of the family for half of this issue; my relationship with them is a bit difficult, so that is why i word it so harshly. this is where my latino descent comes from. his side of the family did not learn english, so they could not communicate with me, and he did not teach me spanish, so i speak One language and that is english. i know very little about my dominican heritage. i missed out on the chance to be bilingual and it sticks with me often. people will be like "speak spanish" well first of all. i can't. second of all. shut up bro my inability to speak spanish does not make me any less latino. shut up please 🫶

and speaking of being slavic--

hello! i am of west slavic (polish) descent. i also know very little about that side of my family. my mom knows very little about that side of our family. i would have to ask my maternal grandparents, but my family talks about that part of my heritage so little that i'm not sure exactly where it came from. my grandmother? grandfather? both? no idea.

IDK???? i know nothing about myself and it is so devastating especially when. like. non biracial people push the... weird idea that i somehow have to "prove" my latino-ness.

i have nothing to prove.

but it would be nice to know more about my cultures.