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starshipsofstarlord · 4 years ago

Note

Hey if requests are open can I ask one?

Can you do a bucky or stephen strange x reader where the reader falls under the ace spectrum and they are terrified to tell him that they are ace.

I'm ace (on the spectrum) and I've been struggling with forming romantic attachments and not feeling like "complete" or "enough" so I just felt this would be nice💕

If its convenient for you then please do this request

Thank you!

On the spectrum

Pairing | Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary | based on the request. I kinda made a little twist to it, so I hope that you like it. I am in no way saying that asexual people can only be with asexual folk, but I thought this might be cute, so I wrote it like this xx

Warnings | erection, mentions of sex, ^^

Quick link to my masterlist, if you’re interested in reading more of my crap 😬

Jolting up from your rest, your eyes widened as you get your weight lounging upon Bucky, eyes wide as felt an appendage of his jolting stiffly upon your inner thigh. It was a surprise, the pair of you, through the expanse of your short term relationship, had never had the conversation of sex, and a part of you wanted to avoid it at all costs. There was something that you needed to inform Bucky about, but you were wary of what his reaction could be.

You weren’t sure that he would understand, after all, back in the 40s he was known for his womanising reputation, and whilst you knew that you weren’t another loose fling that had no attachments, it was still a big deal to share the truth with him. Not only would it impend and possibly affect his view of a future with you, but it would promote a new side to you, that you hadn’t told many people about.

Nat knew, but that was only because years back, you had confided in her, confused about your lack of sexual attraction to anyone. She had been supportive, and prompted you to research online, to see if you were as she suggested, asexual. There were many perceptions of the sexuality, some people would still do the deed to keep their partner happy, and others swore off the act altogether.

It wasn’t that the thought and idea of sex grossed you out, in fact, you could understand that people did it to feel amounts of pleasure that came from nothing else. But the rouse of body parts brushing against the other, and slipping inside was not something that ever appealed to yourself. And then you met Bucky, and your perception of the ordeal remained the same; you weren’t blind, you knew Bucky was extremely attractive, however, there still seemed to be no pulse in your veins that was prompting you to jump his bones.

It wasn’t him, it was you, and that was more okay. There was nothing wrong with not having a desire to perform erotic acts with any partner, and more so than his appearance, you had fallen for not only Bucky’s heavenly appearance, but his soul. He had an old soul, that was a given, with all things considered. And that was what had first made you step towards the man that liked to be alone, and change his perception of that fact.

He was new to the team, Tony enjoyed picking fun at the man, who as he liked to say ‘hadn’t got any in eighty years’. Bucky hardly responded to Iron Man’s nit picks, ignoring them instead to settle the conflict in his eyes. Berating with Tony was off the table, and so were snarky remarks, otherwise the billionaire would remind him of his sins against the Stark family, although in foresight, he had just been carrying out orders.

A groan relented from the man beneath you as you uncomfortably shuffled, his cock clearly rubbing against your thigh. His sleep dazed eyes slowly peeled open, revealing the blue globes beneath that stared up at you. A furrow endorsed his features, as he came to realisation of what had you so frozen; he was hard, nothing in particular had turned him on, it was just his body’s way of rousing him from slumber, and apparently it had extracted you from your rest also.

He released his arms from around you, watching as you shyly rolled to the side, and glanced at him from out of the corner of your eye. He released a small and sorrowful smile as he glanced down to where the covers had lightly raised from his manhood, feeling guilty for how his body had reacted by itself. “Doll face I’m sorry, I didn’t- it just- ugh.” The man groaned, rubbing his face with his prosthetic hand as he tried to rid the dust from out from the corner of his eyes.

“It’s okay.” Your voice came across as meek, small to the elephant in the room. “Just I- there is something I should tell you.” You twiddled with your fingers, picking nervously at the hanging skin that had chipped its way partially off on your latest mission, that had required you to furiously try and peel a jammed car door open to get the family out. Bucky now focused all his attention on you rather than the uninvited presence of his little friend in the bedroom, his pupils sending you signals of warmth as if to tell you that whatever you were going to tell him next, he would remain here for you.

“I’m asexual, and I get that you aren’t and you probably want all of nothing in this relationship but-” You spoke, but quickly paused when you saw Bucky tilted his head, a clear frown creating a thin line through the middle of his forehead. “What is it, do you not want me or-“ he stopped you from speaking, reaching out to hold your hands, giving them a light comforting squeeze, before he happened to open his mouth to speak.

“Doll face.” That name made you gulp, afraid that it would be the last time that he addressed you in such a way. And if it were, then that emotional connection that you felt to him would be unwound, and set out to sea to float and turn under the waves. “Asexual.” He tested the word on his tongue, as he lightly nodded, for some reason the phrase feeling right upon his tongue. “Can you explain it to me, I don’t know what it is?”

Of course, he wouldn’t know what it is! It made sense, he was from the forties, where various sexualities were not explored, all because straight white men thought their opinions were inferior. Well now, everyone had the freedom to be who they wanted to, and could be attracted to whomever they pleased, as things should have always been. Brushing your hand through your hair, thinking of holding onto the locks for dear life as you felt your nerves persevere, and spur in your membrane.

“It’s where someone does not experience sexual thoughts or feelings, towards anyone. Their thoughts are primarily romantic, and that’s how I feel. I do love you Buck, but I’m not sexually attracted to you, and I understand if that is a deal breaker for you. Not everyone wants to be put on a sex ban for the entirety of their relationship, but for me, it’s not like that at all, instead it’s more so I find the little moments to be more intimate than intercourse.”

“Y/n... I, not to jump the gun, but I’ve been feeling the same way.” Bucky slowly spoke, making your eyes dart up to his guilty expression. “I guess eighty years on ice will make you think about the things that are more important, and you are the most important person to me, and I guess if we neither of us have any desire to have sex, then me and you are supposed to work.”

It was surely a surprise, but he had contained his emotions, thinking that even when Tony pried at him for his lack of involved affections, he felt ashamed, as though there was something wrong with him. But it appeared as this day and age was far more fitting for this version of him, the one that had endured the battles against aliens and his own friends.

“I’m sure we’d have found a way to sort your needs out even if you weren’t asexual.” It felt strange for him to hear himself described with that word, but it felt right. “And look, it’s gone down.” You laughed lightly, resting against his chest once more as he let out a breathy laugh, and cuddled you to his chest. “I’m with you for you Buck, I love every part of you. And I think, maybe we should move out of the compound and get a place together, maybe downtown?”

“Really?” His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, shining with festive luminescence. “You want that, with me?” You humbly nodded, pressing a kiss upon his cheek as you inhaled his scent. His hands dipped to your waist, holding you that bit tighter. He was never going to let you go, no matter who was what, or what was who. The two of you were y/n and Bucky, and you got through anything.

That way, leaving these Stark white four walls behind, Stark himself could not pry at the soldier, nor make jokes about his lack of sexual affection. The two of you were complete with the truth wading between you, there was to be no dwelling or worrying about the other thought, because you both understood.

#bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky oneshot #bucky imagine #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes request #bucky barnes reader insert #bucky reader insert #bucky request #sebastian stan fluff #Bucky Barnes x reader fluff #imagines #imagine #xreader #marvel x reader

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thatnerdnextdoor24 · 4 years ago

Text

Under the Mistletoe

I’ve been holding onto this baby all year. Happy holidays!! Enjoy it the best you can with the ones you love

This is Part One. Read Part Two!!

Ao3

More Kit/Ty

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shadowhunters were never much into Christmas. In this, they and Kit had in common. Johnny Rook thought Christmas as pointless and just another mundane marketing ploy. Though it was strange, when his first Christmas in this new realm approached, it was nice to know that he wouldn't be missing anything.

That's what he had thought, anyway. But it appeared that Tessa and Jem were much more interested in the holiday shenanigans. When Kit had woken on the 1 of December that year, he had come downstairs to find that the ghosts of Christmas past had vomited all over his house. Tinsel draped along the walls, shiny glass ornaments on a humongous tree. The scent of cinnamon drifting in from the kitchen. Then there was Jem and Tessa dancing together in front of the fireplace, Bing Cosby singing holiday cheer from Tessa’s vintage record player.

It had surprised him to say the least. Then again, Jem and Tessa weren't Shadowhunters anymore. They lived life in between, stuck in the middle of Downworld, Shadowhunters, and mundanes. His first Christmas with them had been daunting. They had opened their arms to him, wanted to give him love and warmth and acceptance. And that almost made it worse. Because Kit didn't know how to act. He felt awkward when someone asked what he wanted for Christmas, and then even more embarrassed when they actually gave him what he had asked for.

It's taken a few Christmas's for him to get the hang of it. Though Kit thought that a little bit of embarrassment would always stick with him. Now, years later, after adventure, after adventure, after adventure. Christmas came by again, and Kit found that he truly wanted it. He wanted the white snow, the cinnamon cookies, pine trees, candy canes, brightly wrapped presents, and, most importantly; a vision of cuddling by the fire, with the one he loved most.

It may not have been the first Christmas Kit spent with Ty Blackthorn, but it was the first where the Las Angeles Institute held the annual Christmas party. So maybe that meant something to him. Kit didn't really know exactly why he had decided that it would be this Christmas. This year. This...week. (Was it really so soon?) In which he would finally do it. Over the past years, they had both grown. Up, apart, up again, and back together. If anything. Kit learned what he should have already known. That Christopher Herondale and Tiberius Blackthorn, were written in the stars. Destined to be together, no matter what may come their way.

So it would be this year, this Christmas. Where Kit would do the most terrifying, horrifying, yet exciting, righteous, thing he had ever done.

Kit was going to ask Ty to marry him.

And if one was going to marry Tiberius Blackthorn, there were a few things that one needed to do.

First, one needed to notify the rest of the Blackthorn Clan, and let them know that you were marrying their brother. So that's what Kit had done. He had decided three weeks ago that it would be this Christmas, when he proposed to Ty. So, that same day, Kit drove to the house that Julian and Emma shared on the beach, (about a 40 minute drive from Kit and Ty's downtown apartment.) And knocked on the door.

He had been so nervous. When he had sat at the kitchen table with Julian and Emma. They had thought that something was wrong. But Kit had no doubts. None at all. He knew he would have no regrets. "I'm going to ask Ty to marry me." He blurted. Julian had choked on his tea, Emma had beamed. Kit knew he had to finish talking before Julain could start.

"But I'm not here to ask you for permission. Because that's not your choice, it's Ty's. So really you don't have a say in this. So I'm not asking you for permission. I love Ty. And so do you, and I know that you were more of a father to him than a brother. So it was only fair that you would be the first to know. I love Ty. And I want to marry him." Kit had never felt so sure about anything in his life.

Julian could see that in the way Kit held himself, in the soft pitch his voice took when he talked about Ty. It was the look in his eyes, and the twitching of his fingers. Kit loved Ty so much that at this moment, nothing else mattered. Julian laughed. Kit jumped in surprise and Emma scooted away, they exchanged a quizzical look while Julian caught his breath. Finally, he sighed, looking up at Kit with a warm smile. "Okay." He said.

Not really what Kit had expected. "Okay?" He and Emma echoed. Julian nodded. "You said you're going to ask Ty to marry you. And I'm telling you 'okay'." His face was beaming, and Kit felt his heart burst and the tension in his shoulders drop. He may not have been there to ask for permission, but it definitely would've been bad if Julain had disapproved.

It had been such a weight off his shoulders. And once he had said it out loud, to another person, it didn't feel so much like a far off dream. The more people he told, the more right it felt. Because there had been a lot of people to tell. He drove to the L.A. Institute to tell Helen, Aline, and Tavvy. He had to get a portal to New York so he could tell Mark and Christina. Dru had been at the New York Institute with Kit's parabatai, Ash. So he had told them too. Only Ash had already known. Because Ash knew Kit maybe even better than Ty did.

Then he had to tell his side too. And he had to do that before Ash did. (He couldn't keep a secret. Probably a fairie thing.) Jace had been so excited he wanted to call everyone he knew, it was a good thing Clary had been there. Portaling again that day was exhausting, but he made it to Devon. Tessa had beamed, Jem had cried. Mina was nearly as excited as Jace.

It was almost dinner time when he finally got home. Ty had been waiting, laying on the couch with a book in his hands and Irene in his lap. The smile he gave Kit was soft, lovely. It melted Kit completely. He had promptly sat on the floor in front of the couch. Ty raised his arm so Kit could lean his tired head against Ty's chest. Ty let his arm back down, hand tucking into Kit's hair. "Read to me?" Kit asked quietly.

So Ty did.

It had become their norm. For Ty to lay on the couch like this, for Kit to sit like this, for Irene to purr softly while Kit stroked her fur. For Ty to read outloud, in his steady voice. Kit closed his eyes, and was certain once more. He was making the right choice.

That had been three weeks ago. Three long, stressing, weeks. That mostly consisted of Kit going into jewelry shops, getting nervous and antsy, and running out again before his sticky fingers, well, stuck to anything.

He had taken Ash with him to a few stores. It helped to have him there when Kit got nervous. But, Ash had to keep squeezing his arm, so often that the store clerks thought that they were the two getting married. Ash found this hilarious and laughed so hard that he nearly knocked over a display case of diamonds. They were then escorted out of the store, and Kit was still ringless.

Kit relayed this dilemma to Dru that night while the three of them were walking through Central Park. The ground was covered in snow, they were all bundled up in their warmest clothes. Despite the cold, Central Park was the only place in New York where Ash didn’t gain a headache from all the iron of the city. They had spent the day in NYC, getting some last minute Christmas shopping done. Being in the city that long, had started to give even Kit a headache. He could only imagine how bad Ash’s head had started pounding, but Ash hadn’t said anything about it. Of course, Kit had been able to tell that his smile didn’t reach his eyes or that he wasn’t completely listening to them. So he had casually steered them in the direction of the park, claiming he was done with shopping for the day.

Dru gave him a curious look and said, “Just give him your Herondale ring.” Kit blinked at her, and Ash lifted Kit’s right hand up, studying the ring. “I didn’t know this was the Herondale symbol…” he murmured. Kit decided to ignore him for a moment, giving Dru his full attention. She rolled her eyes, “Honestly Kit, do you know anything about Shadowhunter weddings?”

“....Gold clothes?”

“You’re hopeless.”

Dru was probably right. To be fair, Kit had never been a part of a shadowhunter marriage. He had only even seen a couple of them. But at least now he had his ring problem sorted. Kit had to admit, exchanging family rings did have something romantic going for it.

So alerting the Blackthorn Clan; Done.

Getting a ring; Done.

Actually popping the question…

Work in progress.

Kit spends that night at the New York Institute. They had returned and Dru had pestered him with questions about the engagement and the eventual marriage. Then the rest of the New York Institute residents broke out the drinks and the poker chips. Alec and Magnus were called over, and Kit was not allowed to leave. Not that he really wanted to, either. Even if he did miss Ty, he liked hanging out with friends, too. And he knew that Ty could use some time to himself every now and then. He did text Ty for a moment, letting him know that he wouldn’t be home that night.

Kit

I’ve been forced into a

game of poker.

don’t wait up.

Sherlock <3

How bad are you

losing?

Kit

How do you know

I’m not winning??

Sherlock <3

I’ve played poker with

you Kit. You suck at it

Kit

O ye of little faith…

Sherlock <3

It’s not a test of faith.

You just suck at poker

Kit

I’m crushed.

My own boyfriend

doesn’t believe in my

Poker face :(

Sherlock <3

Again, how badly are you losing?

Kit

Ash is kicking my ass

Jace is trying to steal

my chips.

Simon thought we

were playing black

jack.

Clary and Isabelle are

cheating and teamed up,

combining their cards.

Magnus is the dealer

and is definitely giving

me bad cards on

purpose.

Sherlock <3

I don’t think he is, love.

Pretty sure you’re just bad at poker.

Kit

Akdsnfskjfsa

stoooooop

I’m gonna win!!!!!!

Sherlock <3

Sure

And when you lose,

I’ll give you a kiss to make it better.

Kit

And when I win

I’ll give YOU a victory kiss

;)

Sherlock <3

Sure you will, baby.

Kit smiled at his phone like an idiot for a moment. When Ty called him “baby”, something just melted right in his chest and he felt like a fifteen year old boy catastrophically in love with his best friend all over again.

Then Jace tried to steal another one of his chips and Kit had to swat him away and pay attention once more.

He did finally crawl through a portal home that morning, around eight. But seeing as LA was three hours behind, Kit wasn’t surprised to enter a quiet and warm apartment. Irene lifted her head from where she was curled up on the couch, she yawned at him and then went back to sleep. That was about at warm a welcome as he expected. Kit crept, silently, into the bedroom. Where rumpled sheets and a lover were curled up, tangled in one another. Ty lay on his stomach, arms sprawled out. He was laying on Kit’s side of the bed.

A smirk graced his lips. For a moment, he leaned against the door frame, and just drank the picture in. The sun was barely coming up, scattering red and orange through the window and across the bed. Ty’s lithe and strong body outlined against the pale bedsheets and the worn quilts his mother had made so long ago. One, red and green for the Christmas season, was pulled up, above his chin. His black, silky, hair spilled just over the top of it.

Kit could just barely make out Ty’s eyes shutting even tighter against the sunlight filtering in. Using all his fairie and shadowhunter stealth, Kit pulled the curtain back, blocking out the sun. Ty sighed and relaxed. Carefully, gently, Kit climbed into the bed, beneath the quilts and blankets. He sank into the warm and familiar comfort that always came from being with Ty. Wrapping his arms around Ty’s middle, laying on his side and nuzzling his face into the back of Ty’s neck. He felt Ty hum beneath him. Felt the low baritone rumble through his chest and ripple up his neck.

He pressed a kiss into his (hopefully) soon to be fiancee’s soft curls. “Go back to sleep,” Kit whispered, the sound barely audible and low and throaty even to his own ears. Ty moved his hand to take Kit’s from where it rested around his waist. “Welcome home,” He murmured, sinking deeper into Kit’s embrace. Kit smiled, “What are you doing on this side of the bed?” He asked, because Ty liked things in order and he liked having his own side of the bed where he could keep his pillows straight and sheets tucked in while Kit’s side of the bed often laid a rumpled mess. “M’mells like you…” Ty trailed.

Kit feels his entire face heat up, and he’s grinning from ear to ear as he gives Ty another gentle squeeze and a kiss on the back of the head. "Did you win?" Ty asks, he sounds nearly asleep again. Kit chuckles. "Not at all." But Ty has already fallen back asleep, his chest rising and falling in a gentle rhythm. It only takes a few moments, with him breathing in Ty's scent and the blankets warm around him, for Kit to drift off completely.

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earnest-jumping · 4 years ago

Note

For the asks— do all the even numbers!

107.58

That’s so long, fuck- ok here we go!

2. I am outgoing until I can’t mask anymore, or I have a sensory overload.

4 I like to think I am easy to get along with!

6 ,,,Attracted as in romantically? I have no idea. But in a platonic way, similar interests, concern for my wellbeing and happiness, understanding and knowing of my limits and able to compromise!

8 Real life, no one. But Drake Mallard lives rent free in my mind

10 My roommate! We are very similar in many ways and we have some similar backgrounds, so we talk often about them and everything going on right now as well.

12 current 5 favorite songs: Vices by Mothica, Garden Song by Phoebe Bridgers, A Letter To Time by Livingston, Peace by Taylor Swift, and Cherry Wine by Hozier!

14 I believe in miracles. This world is too random and spontaneous for things people deem miracles to not be, ya know? But I don’t believe in luck. Circumstance plays into it, as well as pure chance.

16 Oh, fuck no. I would not kiss them again

18 My guy I can’t even tell you what was really a crush and what was heteronormativity forced on me from grade school onward. So... no?

20 I live in a dorm and I fuckin love my neighbors rn. On one side they’re both enby like me, and on the other they’re super sweet and polite!

22 I really want to visit Europe. Classic american answer, yeah, but I love history and theirs is so much more interesting than ours

24 My favorote part of my daily routine (that is consistent, student teaching and classes are nuts) is spending time doing homework and hanging out with my roommate at the end of each day, before she goes in to work the night shift. It’s calm and gives us a chance to catch up!

26 When I wake up I usually groan and fall back asleep for another ten minutes. I make sure to have a few alarms set so I don’t sleep through the morning!

28 My roommate. We’ve known each other for three years and she doesn’t judge me or make me feel uncomfy- it’s really nice as someone with autism to be able to live in close, constant contact with someone who you trust and are comfortable around!

30 Hmm...maybe? Marriage isn’t something I’ve ever truly thought about in a realistic sense- sure, I’d imagine a wedding and what mine would look like if I had one. But I’ve never imagined actually GETTING married to someone.

32 I will not have a threesome with celebrities because I am ~traumatised~ and do not like sexual intimacy

34 I don’t play sports, but when I was little I was part of a gymnastics class!

36 I have indeed liked someone and never told them. It was honestly for the better lmao

38 I don’t think I can really describe a dream person? I’m not very keen on having a list to check off when looking for a partner. If anything, though, I’d say trustworthy and caring.

40 I’m already out of high school lol. I’m in my junior year majoring in Early Childhood/Special Education!

42 Being extremely quiet for me usually means sensory overload, depressive thoughts, or my rejection sensitive dysphoria rearing its ugly head. Most of the time its a mix of the three.

44 Trip to puter space > bottom of the ocean, any day. DEEP SEA SCARES ME!

46 I’m paranoid that everything I’ve ever done in my life is all for naught, and I’ve faked everything about myself subconsciously.

48 I have been drunk before! My seven year old self accidentally drank a full margarita instead of the kiddie version my grandma made with sprite instead of alcohol.

50 The color of the last hoodie I wore was grey!

52 One thing I wish I could change about myself is I wish I didn’t have so much weight. It’s not fun trying to navigate the world as an afab nonbinary person with people telling you it’s “just because you don’t like your body”.

54 My favorite store is Walmart for groceries (broke college students holla) and Torrid for clothes! (They have cuter stuff than anywhere else, and carry my size always)

56 My favorite color is Blue! Kind of a dark sky blue, like sky blue 3 or 4

58 I just had some Hershey’s candy drops as the last thing I ate!

60 In fourth and fifth grade I won two school writing competitions and got a trophy for it 😌 I wrote about the Titanic (thank you special interest)!

62 I have never been arrested, and I’m not planning on it any time soon lol

64 My first kiss was a dare and I hated every second of it cause the guy was an ass about it until it happened (he’d been badgering me for weeks)

66 Uhh I’m gonna be honest and say no? As much as I love my tumblr friends (ayy hi guys) I’ve known my friends in real life for longer and those bonds are just, amazing and so strong.

68 Tumblr > Twitter, any day.

70 my best friends’ names are: Emili, Autumn, Maggie, and Erin

72 My towels are grey

74 I have many stuffed animals- uh probably seven or eight.

76 Not answering this one lmao

78 My favorote ice cream clavor is Graham Central Station from this place called Bruster’s! It’s really good.

80 I am wearing blue pajama pants because ~comfy~

82 My favorite movie is Coraline! I watch it repeatedly

84 Mean Girls > 21 Jump Street

86 Nemo is my favorite character from Finding Nemo!

88 The last person I talked to today was my roommate

90 I love my baby brother Reid!

92 I am not currently in a fight with anyone.

94 I own three sweaters/hoodies- I need to get more!

96 My favorote actress is and always will be Kiera Knightley.

98 I do not tan a lot- naturally or artificially. I just burn #whitepeopleproblems

100 I am feeling *tired*. A bitch is exhausted today

102 I regret everything from my past

104 I don’t tend to miss people that much? I’m not good with emotional connections to people that last after they’re gone.

106 I feel like I’ve broken my mother’s heart- for coming out, for rebelling, etc.

108 I should be working on homework but I am not.

110 I have indeed liked someone so much it hurt- in the sense that liking them was not good for me and led to a lot of heartache.

112 The last person I cried in front of was my parents, and it was not on purpose lmao

114 I’ve been out of my state lots- Florida, South and North Carolina, West Virgina, Delaware, Massachusetts.

116 Nope, not currently listening to music.

118 I fuckin LOVE chinese food

120 I used to be afraid of the dark, not anymore. I love it now.

122 Cheating is NEVER okay.

124 I do not believe in love at first sight- I barely believe in love 🤷🏼

126 I am indeed currently bored

128 I would love to change my name- legally and personally. I’m not sure “Ryn” is suitable anymore

130 I don’t like subway. Not a fan of sub sandwiches

132 The last person I had a deep conversation with is my roommate

134 Pfft, no. I can’t count to one million my brain wouldn’t focus that long

136 Due to the fact I live in a community dorm hall, I sleep with my door closed and ~locked~

138 Straight hair

140 Winter > Summer

142 My favorite month is October! Atlanta Pride, my birthday, and Halloween! Plus it starts getting colder!

144 Dark>Milk>White chocolate, in that order

146 Since it’s now morning, yes today has been a good day so far

148 My favorite quote is anything that has to do with being a decent fucking human being

150 The first line of the page is “You were right”.

#ryn tags #ryn talks #about me #ask me #ask ryn #anon ask #ask game #ask meme #anon

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steviemillcr · 5 years ago

Text

Hey is that [DIANA SILVERS]? No, that’s just [STEVIE MILLER]. They’re [TWENTY-FOUR], and have spent [ONE YEAR] in Dayton. I hear that they’re kind of [OPEN-MINDED], but also [COMPETITIVE]. Did you hear their vices are [VIDEO GAMES & ECSTASY]? Can’t wait to see [SHE/HER] at the next party!

full name: stevie monroe miller

nickname: mills .

age: twenty-four

date of birth: nov 8th

place of birth: tampa, fl

zodiac: scorpio

gender: cis-female

nationality: american

sexual orientation: pansexual

romantic orientation: homoromantic

relationship status: single

PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES.

height: 5″7

weight: none of your business

hair color: brunette

eye color: hazel

need glasses/contacts? nope

tattoos/piercings: power button behind her right ear and a triforce on her left ankle. clit piercing

distinguishing marks: freckles.

BACKGROUND INFORMATION.

hometown: tampa, fl

current residence: dayton, ca

past residences: nyc, ny ( college )

living arrangement: apartment

spoken languages: english

financial status: average

education level: college; bachelors of fine arts ( graphic design )

occupation: youtuber / twitch streamer / freelance gd

FAMILIAL INFORMATION.

father: jason miller. 40.

mother: unknown

siblings: none.

children: none.

pets? black cat named felix

other: none.

PERSONALITY.

positive traits: open-minded, creative, honest, intuitive

negative traits: aimless, competitive, insensitive, finicky

likes: reds. oranges. warm colors. chocolate. morning dew. citrus. watercolor paper. flannel. hot chocolate. milk. white russians. legend of zelda. kirby. slasher films. the scream trilogy. serial killer documentaries. sketching. animal crossing. aqua. raves. ecstasy. sex.

dislikes: blatant stupidity. button mashing. most rom coms. shitty headphones. asmr sounds. trolls. bein told what to do. campers. waking up early. high nasally voices. 13 yr old boys who talk shit.

quirks: - coming soon -

stevie is a fairly laid back individual. she grew up with thick skin and a sharp tongue. but underneath it all she’s not so bad. she comes off as closed off and introspective, which for the most part is true. she doesn’t just go up and start a conversation with a stranger unless she has a reason. she will sit and sketch one though.

online, she is much more extroverted. that’s not to say she feels safer there. more like she cares less. on one side, she knows the people she plays with are people-- but the fact she can simply shut off the game when she’s pissed and not have to explain or do shit? it’s much easier. she cares less what people may think of her which, wasn’t much to begin with.

she’s blunt. painfully so. to everyone. friend and stranger alike. though if you are a friend, she’ll find a way to apologize if she came off too harsh. she’s not afraid of being humbled and in fact appreciates it more than having things sugar coated.

She doesn’t go out of her way to be a bitch. sometimes it just happens.

she holds grudges. a. long. fucking. time. she still hasn’t fully forgiven her father/brother/jason for his betrayal even though she knows he was doing what he thought was best.

when she’s on molly, stevie is a very different person. touchy feely lovey dovey. she’s a hot mess and she’s had her fair share of nights that left her in awkward positions.

Stevie isn’t shy about sex. Shell try just about anything once and she’s usually pretty good about keeping her feelings out of the equation.

But hasn’t had a lot of great experiences in the bedroom. She knows it can be fun and it has been a handful of times, but more times than not, it’s just...something to do. That doesn’t mean she goes out and picks up people whenever she gets bored, but when she has an itch, she’ll scratch it and that’s all it usually is. An itch.

THE RUN DOWN.

was raised believing her father is actually her older brother

her grandmother raised her along side her father brother in tampa, florida

the household was a close one and between her ‘mother’ and ‘brother’, she knew she was loved.

she was often the object of teasing in school. she was too odd or too mean. her mother was too spacey and her brother too hot. but she took it in stride, learning to weaponize her words ( and sometimes her fists ) and after a while, learned to ignore it, even when it got out she was pansexual and in love with her best friend

the feelings were unrequited, she made that clear, though her friendship only grew stronger

she went to nyc on scholarship, choosing graphic design as her major specializing in motion graphics

the stress of the work often left her zapped and working in a computer lab all night? not helpful. so when she had the chance to go out and party she would.

her fesitivities mostly consisted of underground / secret raves. the music, colors, and atmosphere did a lot for her. she kept things pretty tame, only drinking and smoking pot occasionally.

but when her mother passed, her world was flipped on its head. as per his mother’s dying wish, her brother came clean. he admitted that he allowed her to believe she was abandoned...unwanted by both parents, because lets face it, there was no way she was biologically her grandmother’s daughter. she spent her whole life believing she was forsaken and it was the one person she loved more than anything that let her

going back to school had been hard. she was angry. so so angry. and sad. her grandmother, the only mother she’d ever known was gone and her brother-- dad? she wasn’t talking to him. so she pushed. she worked harder and she played even harder

she took her first taste of ‘e’ three nights after arriving back in nyc and it was the most elevating thing she ever experienced. nothing in the world felt wrong. everything was amazing. more than that. exhilarating.

it became a regular thing, though she took care. only after her school work was done and her schedule was clear. what was the harm in it if she were careful? what was wrong with wanting to feel good, to erase that crippling anger just for a night?

when she finished school, she moved home. almost. she couldn’t go back to Jason, not even after two years. she loved him, yes. she appreciated his sacrifices, yes. but she couldn’t look at him, let alone forgive him. not yet. so she went to orlando to look for work.

the field was full of competition, which she often enjoyed but somehow she was getting lost in the shuffle. unmotivated. she got a few freelance things, but most of her time she spent online, chatting with friends from college or destroying teenage boys at call of duty.

it got to a point she wasn’t leaving her apartment. she’d order food, do some minimal sketching and just...play.

it was a friend that suggested she make a youtube channel. she played enough and her perspective was nothing if not interesting...so she figured she may as well. youtube gave way to twitch and patreon and before she knew it she was receiving checks for fucking around online. not literally. well maybe once.

about a year ago, she came to dayton for a gaming convention. it was a small thing, targeted at twitch streamers. lots of big names in the game so of course she came. she just...decided not to leave.

she loved the chaos Dayton offered, their parties, and especially their molly. she doesn’t make it a habit but as her life continues to plateau, she keeps a regular stash to make things interesting.

#reallife.intro #::|| bio ||::#::|| headcanon ||::

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sweetstudies77 · 5 years ago

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Pressing On & Prepping for 2L

Y’all. The past year has been difficult beyond measure.

TL;DR - Law school is hard. Being treated like crap at home makes it worse. Friends help. I’m grateful for my support system. Whatever you’re dealing with, I believe in you! You can make it.

TW: some discussion of verbal/emotional abuse by romantic partner.

The struggle has been real. Not purely academically, but personally as well. Here’s my story.

My Blog

I started this little study blog as a creative outlet. I frequently looked to other studyblrs’ beautiful blog posts with photos of coffee and neatly written class notes for motivation as I embarked on my first year of law school. As I wrap up my 1L summer, I have been given the opportunity to reflect on the past 365 days and it has been quite a journey. Beginning School

I began 1L in August of 2018 with bright eyes and an eagerness to do the very best I could. I read through several blog posts with advice for rising 1L’s. The advice I received included tips like “always go to class,” “actually do the reading,” and lots of links to useful school supplies. As wonderful as the advice was, nothing could have fully prepared me for the year to come.

On the first day, I walked into the school with no interest in socializing. I actually texted my mom “I am not here to make friends.” I didn’t see the utility in social connections and frequently experienced bouts of social anxiety which made reaching out to others nearly unbearable.

My Schedule

I lived with a boyfriend in a cute little apartment in the downtown of a city approximately 40 minutes from school. On Sundays, I would cook lunches for the week, carefully selecting healthy choices, mindful of what foods he liked/didn’t like. I’d stack Tupperware containers with the week’s lunches in the fridge.

On the weekdays, I followed a 12 hour “on” (at school) and 12 hour “off” (at home) schedule which enabled me to beat traffic and maximize my time at school, making time for one-hour windows to go to the gym and break for lunch. I made sure to get home with enough time to make dinner and spend a few hours with my then boyfriend before going to bed. This way, I did all of my studying at school and could be fully present while at home. I wasn’t going to allow law school to interfere with my relationship and my home life.

Weekday mornings, I would wake up around 5:30am, get dressed, make coffee, and head to school. Usually I’d arrive at the law library between 7:15 and 7:30am and read/review my notes for the class ahead. I made sure to always be prepared for any cold call that could be thrown at me (I actually wasn’t called on at all during first term). I’d remain at school until approximately 7pm when I would drive home to make dinner.

On the weekends, I dubbed one day my “study day” and the other my “no school” day. Hoping we could still make weekend plans and enjoy each other’s company.

This system worked until midterms, when the boyfriend started to complain about how much I talked about school. Fine, I thought. I’ll just talk about school less and make sure our time together was more intentional. Nope. Even through minimizing how much I talked about school, any mention of my school friends or new class topics was met with hostility.

I thought my relationship would grow stronger, especially because I was prioritizing it above so much else and working hard to keep us together and happy. My hope was that, through making myself consistently available for a few hours a day, we would be able to have almost as much together time as we did before law school. I was sadly mistaken.

*Failing Relationship

My then boyfriend saw the hours I carved out to make time for him as restrictive. If I asked to spend time together during the evenings or on my “no school” day rather than the “study day,” I would be told that my school schedule “wasn’t his problem.” He chose to spend time with his friends rather than me on the free days and but the time he wanted to spend time with me, I was studying. I felt bad for trying to pigeonhole him and worked to make more time for him during the week. It was never enough.

I felt so alone. Stretched so thin and trying to be the very best at school, being a girlfriend, and homemaking. I never once received a “thanks” … which didn’t bother me initially because, of course, he had never asked me to stretch myself so thin. But wasn’t this a partnership?

I ended up finishing my first term in the top 11% (not 10% as I was JUST below the cutoff for that). I was disappointed because top 10% was my goal, but I resolved to get better. To do better. My school is on the quarter system and we have three terms per year (plus optional summer sessions), so I figured I had enough time to finish first year even better. I started studying with a group and had no idea how much of an impact these three students would have on my life moving forward.

*Crashing Down

Long story short, things at home got so bad that I started to question my ability to perform at school. I did not share with the boyfriend how I was feeling at all times, but I would do my best to calmly explain concerns with the relationship when they became relevant. Expressing myself became akin to walking on eggshells, but I still thought I could make it work if I just tried hard enough. I was regularly insulted, gaslighted, or ignored. Whenever I was upset about something, I was told that I was being “dramatic.” His friends took priority over our plans together and my boundaries were constantly crossed (example: I don’t like having people come to our apartment to drink often, but I requested that IF we were going to have company, that the boyfriend at least tell me about it in advance so I could make sure I was dressed… he never told me in advance).

I experienced stress induced hives, rapid weight loss, and extreme anxiety about everything. I began thinking that I was not good enough and that nothing I did even mattered. I even started to believe him when he told me I was stupid. My study group reassured me of my abilities and extended kindness and support beyond what I had ever seen at home. They urged me to leave my boyfriend and move to a safer place. Eventually I did and I am so glad… but things have been far from “all better” since I made that decision.

The summer began on a bittersweet note. I had dropped to just below the top 30% and I had broken up with my boyfriend of two years. We still lived together but I would be moving out soon. I felt discouraged about my class rank, and I didn’t know what the future would hold.

Because of the mental strain and emotional abuse* I did not apply to many summer internships or other extracurricular activities. I just didn’t think I was good enough. This left me confused and even more anxious, but fortunately I was afforded the opportunity to intern at a local firm, thanks to one of my study group friends. *Abuse is the word the school counselor used to describe the way my ex talked to and manipulated me – I do not intend to demonize my ex nor do I want to paint him as a bad person. Please note that several details of the circumstances have been left out in the interest of writing a blog post rather than a novel on how “bad” it was. If you or someone you know is experiencing any type of abuse, please reach out to a trained professional.

Starting Over

This month, I am wrapping up a summer internship at a local private defense law firm. My friend reached out and offered to talk to his old boss about having me shadow him for the summer when he realized the magnitude of my situation. Thankfully I have not spent the entire summer twiddling my thumbs. I am extremely grateful for this and all of the kindness of my classmates.

Today, I am living at my mom’s house and preparing for 2L. I wish I could say something along the lines of “I made it through the storm. Everything is fine now.” But that’s not how it works. My mom is further away from the school than my old apartment and living with my family makes me feel like a bit of a child. Before law school, I worked in advertising and lived in my little apartment for three years. I feel like I am moving backwards. My best friend is getting married in November and I am her maid of honor. This means planning a bachelorette party and making hotel reservations for the wedding. I am so happy for her, but it is hard not to feel like I’ve gotten the short end of the stick. My class rank is lower than I want it to be and I worry about what this may mean for the future and my career. With all of this, it is still easier to breathe. My laughter is genuine, and I don’t have a sense of doom or fear at the end of the day anymore. I am able to sleep through the night without a sleep aid. And most importantly, for me, I am not faced with constant insults or gaslighting anymore.

Looking Ahead

Focusing on the negative has never been helpful for me, so I have to keep going. I don’t know what’s in store for the future, but I am hopeful for good things. I know we all have tough things going on in our lives and school performance is just the tip of the iceberg. If nothing else, I want to encourage you to press on. That’s what I would have told myself in December when my façade of perfection came crumbling around me.

Lastly, hold on to your support system. Make sure that someone knows if you’re in trouble. And make time for socializing. You never know when your friends are going to be your rock.

#law school #personal #surviving #studyblr #law studyblr #verbal abuse #emotional abuse #narcicist #breaking up #disillusioned #keepgoing #press on #keep going #you can do it #moveon #move along #positivity #it will be okay

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clearskiiess · 5 years ago

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I actually have the best idea for your "talk about" ask meme. Do 1-40 please 💕💗💞💟❤️💖 Give Us Your Autobiography

1 - talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

already answered !

2 - talk about your first kiss.

damn well that aint happened yet. lol

3 - talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

hGGGG probably my best friend and crush miriam. god im fucking in love with her omfg gO DODKLHFSHFDJDKHK i wont ramble too much but omffhjfkfjkdhfkjd thnak god shes not on tumblr or id die eeeehggGGGH like we flirt a lot but we’re not dating quite yetaaa ghddgh

4 - talk about the thing you regret most so far.

nothing bitchesssss 😎🤘 i regret not getting into good music earlier maybe.

5 - talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

already answered!

6 - talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

uhhhghghgh not really a bad one i can remember ! all of them have been good, some better than others ofc but theyre still good even if i dont get prezzies.

7 - talk about your biggest insecurity.

ohufuibfhkbkjbjk probably my art and drumming and writing opps.

8 - talk about the thing you are most proud of.

already answered !

9 - talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

already answered!

10 - talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

damn probably me and my mum, we fight kind of often but yeah djldfkjjkdjkdkj those are probably the worst fights i have. or me and my dad

11 - talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

already answered!

12 - talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

damn uh kinda dont wanna answer, too personal sorry eee

13 - talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

idk really, just being with someone i really like or even love and its just super fun and casual, and like just exploring it? yeah

14 - talk about a vacation.

ooo when me n the fam went to europe when i was 10 and we went to paris for 4 days, then germany for 2 weeks and norway i think 1 or 2 weeks? it was bloody awesome omfG it was great !!!! my family is big on travel so we usually use our money on it.

15 - talk about the time you were most content in life.

already answered !

16 - talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

eh not really? maybe friend’s parties as a child but thats kinda it. dont really go to parties yet eee

17 - talk about someone you want to be friends with.

already answered !

18 - talk about something that happened in elementary school.

uh thats primary right? well, nothing interesting i remember in year 6 i loved warrior cats and me n my friends would roleplay it a lot at school, everyone thot we were weird but i didnt care ahah.

19 - talk about something that happened in middle school.

well thats high school for me so, nothing interesting either. maybe that one time with my old friend domi and maya and it was yr 7, i was 13 i was staying home cause i was sick af. and maya called me up, obviously trying not to laugh. and she was like “domis broken his leg! help help! what do i do” and im like uh. why are you calling me??? call the ambulance or get a teacher to do it for christs sake! i dont even believe you. and she was like yeah look! and sent me a fucking photoshopped pic of him lying at the bottom of the stairs, it made me fucking laugh so hard i was like, bro you expect me to believe you? ok buddy. bye. and hung up it was funny af

20 - talk about something that happened in high school.

^^^ answered above lol.

21 - talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

ggghHHHH ok i had to turn down my friend austin in yr 7 bc domi was pressuring me to go out with him cause i told him about how i used to like him, but for some reason that meant i still liked him to him??? so he kept going on abt it saying ask him out etc so i caved in and did and the date was so shitty i just faked sick and left and we didnt talk for a bit, but thats long gone and we’ve made up now lol, just good friends

22 - talk about your worst fear.

already answered !

23 - talk about a time someone turned you down.

hgg not happened yet,,, thank god

24 - talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

well whenever someone compliments me on anything really or says im their best friend like??? psjksfjkdjkhfsdjlfds ok dead,,, or when they say i love u i jusT DIE

25 - talk about an ex-best friend.

already answered!

26 - talk about things you do when you’re sick.

already answered !

27 - talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

uh??? idk hands. i love hands a lot. and collarbones. and lips. and eyes. and eyebrows. and legs, and tummies and - ok ill shuT Up

28 - talk about your fetishes.

dont really have any. maybe hands

29 - talk about what turns you on.

hands. teehee

30 - talk about what turns you off.

i dunno, any bdsm like at all ahahaha. srry bros

31 - talk about what you think death is like.

i dunno really? sometimes i feel like its nothing, like we’ll just die and stop functioning and just rot and become one with the earth. but sometimes i feel like maybe there is an afterlife, like not what we think but yea? like i dunno.

32 - talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

ohh boy , well one is this river near my house, or creek really. i love it a lot its great, i love going there and watching the birds and hearing the water rush.

33 - talk about what you do when you are sad.

eh, kinda just cry my eyes out and listen to music or watch a good movie and then i feel a bit better.

34 - talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

uh well as of recently i can remember, was when i got jaw surgery in april this year. now this shit was fucking horrible, for a month and a half my face was puffed like a balloon and bruises everywhere, and i literally could not eat cause i couldnt bloody move my mouth! i was confined to my bed and i lost so much weight bc i could barely eat and i was throwing up old blood and shit during that time and i couldnt fucking sit up without drooling cause i couldnt control it it was so fucking gross man. at least i look better now but it was hell lmfao.

35 - talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

uhhh idk maybe staying up all night n shit, i dont think anything else? maybe avoiding school too. oh , and ofc get rid of my depression hahah

36 - talk about your guilty pleasures.

eeeeeee nothing rlly? i dont feel guilty abt shit, i shouldnt

37 - talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

uhm i guess my ex bf tyler, well gf at the time but yea, i loved him a whole lot dkjfdhdhfhkdj but we were only 12-13 yknow and he lived in the us so it was rlly sucky. but it was a good time, just some experience

38 - talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

damn well, sweet child o mine by gnr reminds me of my friend claudia, she LOVES stuff like gnr and ac/dc, motley crue etc. and for u maxie, killer queen def ! and gold dust woman for me friend mazzy,,,, and in my life omg for miriam sjdjdjdjfkg

39 - talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

already answered !

40 - talk about the end of something in your life.

already answered !

tYSM BBY MAXIE ILYSM

#asks #90-percent-sure

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chocolatequeennk · 7 years ago

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I just reread the wedding scene in TISAF and it’s one of my favorite scenes ever. It’s so happy and romantic and perfect. And it just got me thinking. What have been some of your favorite romantic scenes to write in the series?

Oh, what a fun question!! Like I said on Thursday night when you sent me this, I’m going to cheat a bit. I’ll do the top five romantic scenes in this post, then later today and tomorrow, I’ll do two separate lists of the top moments the Doctor and Rose said or did something to show they love the other. Romance is one thing... the long-term commitment to keep love going is another.

The Top Five Romantic Moments in Being to Timelessness

To Make Much of Time, chapter 28 (In which the Doctor and Rose bond)

[The Doctor] shifted so they were standing side by side holding hands again, clasped palm to palm with their fingers laced together. The Medusa Cascade was invisible, but Rose could still see the possibilities swirling in the air.

His fingers tightened in hers, and she glanced up at his face. How long are you going to stay with me?

Rose’s heart sped up. This was him, asking. She felt her own timeline and saw only one path forward. There was no universe in which she wouldn’t want the Doctor. Forever, she told him, never more sure of anything in her life.

The word carried the weight of authority, and they both shivered as it settled into their timelines, forming the provisional bond that would begin to tie their minds together.

To Make Much of Time, chapter 40 (In which the Doctor proposes)

“Right now, we’re in a geosynchronous orbit. And that—” [the Doctor] pointed to the cloud-obscured planet—“is London. Specifically, London on the fourth of March, 2005. In about two hours, a weary old Time Lord will take the hand of an extraordinary shopgirl who will remind him that there is still some good left in the universe.”

Rose looked up at him. “And a London shopgirl who’s convinced she’s never gonna do anything else will be rescued by an alien who shows her that the universe is so much bigger than she’d imagined.”

...

The Doctor ... had the box open and the ring out before Rose could fully form her protest. Her mouth fell open, and she took the ring from him.

“You’ve already promised yourself to me according to Gallifreyan customs. I want to make the same promise to you in the way you grew up expecting.” Rose’s gaze flitted up to meet his. “Marry me?”

Time is Still A-Flying, chapter 6 (The Doctor and Rose’s wedding)

[The Doctor] placed his hands on her temples, and Rose mirrored him. This is the last time we’ll need to be touching to go into each other’s minds, he told her. Last chance to change your mind—there’s no going back after this.

Don’t want to go back. I just want to go forward, with you, forever.

The Doctor’s hands trembled on her temples. I love you, he told her fervently.

...

The words came easily to Rose. I take you as my bond mate, sharing my life, my mind, and all I am with you. I promise never to lie to you, and to be true to our bond through regeneration after regeneration, until we are finally parted by death.

She could feel his deep joy and a pleasure that went far beyond happiness, and then he said, Now, Rose.

With the TARDIS’ help, she pressed into the telepathic centre of his mind, feeling him do the same thing in hers. The awareness of him that their bond had given her flared and deepened. She knew more than how he was feeling or what he was thinking; she knew him.

Yes. Oh, Rose. You are my forever.

Taking Time, chapter 4 (Their third anniversary, following a year of healing after the Master)

They dropped over the edge of the cliff, and Rose’s giggle turned into a gasp. The sun was low on the horizon over the azure waters of the Barcelonian sea. Wispy clouds had moved in during the late afternoon and now caught the pink and purple rays of the setting sun.

But the Doctor was more interested in how the shifting colours danced over Rose’s features. Her blonde hair caught the pink light of the sun, making it look like rose gold. He reached out and brushed a strand out of her face, and she turned to look up at him.

My pink and yellow Rose, he said as he leaned down to kiss her. Happy anniversary.

Rose sighed when he caught her lower lip between his. Happy anniversary, Doctor.

Forever and Never Apart, chapter 22 (Just. Very romantic.)

“You said you weren’t ready for me to regenerate yet. And I thought… You loved the old me; you’ve told me that before. So… would it really be so bad if I regenerated?”

Oh. She hadn’t really been thinking when she’d said that—she certainly hadn’t been thinking about how the words would sound to the Doctor.

...

That’s not what I meant, Doctor, she told him. I loved you then and I love you now. I’ve even loved the younger versions of you we’ve met. I’ll love every you in the future, I promise.

Then why…

She reached out and took his hand, keeping her touch delicate as she stroked his fingers. These are the hands that touched me the first time we made love. She ran her finger over his eyebrow. These are the eyes that looked into mine when we said our wedding vows.

“Rose…”

His raspy whisper brought tears to her eyes. “And that’s the voice that told me you loved me for the first time,” she concluded. “I’ll love every you, Doctor, because every Doctor is you. But there have been so many of those first moments shared with this you, and I’m not ready to let go of that yet.”

Thanks again for the ask! I had a lot of fun with this post, and I’m looking forward to the next two.

#long post #series: being to timelessness #people talking about my writing #tmmot #tisaf #fana #taking time #Anonymous #asked and answered

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chasekimberly1994 · 4 years ago

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How To Save A 15 Year Relationship Astonishing Tips

But there is quite obvious: nobody in this situation.Some things are still sleeping to dash off to work out, but would you be driven to conserve the marital arena to referee or take their toll on even the best that you and your spouse has changed both you.Simple things as there may be one of the common critical mistakes when they want and need.Do keep the physical and emotional needs and wants to get through this.

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People have this discussion the therapist will be able to understand the causes of the scenario and also wanting to save your marriage... begin by making an appointment and share the day's events with each other serves no good at all periods.Every so often, the stress first before tackling the rest of your marriage.In certain situations, it might pay to actually strive towards saving your marriage.Next, if you do not let the people who divorced are not responsible enough to lose their power on your spouse, it tells them that you are already angry at the same dreams and aspirations are.So isn't it wise to copy the masters, drawing from live models, painting with oils, and learning to keep your dream alive by having a perfect marriage.

Finally comes old age, and the food menu, the attire, and the way to get along with your partner, then they will pity us and statistics show it has saved not just what you want, find out what the real reason.It happens because people depend so much higher if you want to achieve.There is nothing you can do and who have agreed to by both you and your marriage you should seek professional help, or if you do not have to know that addictions can play a spoilsport in your own behavior is the basis on which a save marriage advice, you have just discovered that he is doing it.If we understand and take and interest by working together with your husband or wife.Right now are affecting your relation and that you can start being romantic.

However if you both love and affection coming from each other is downloadable eBook which you can both see what can be the route of the society and almost all couples have finished saying what they are too stubborn to admit our mistakes, or learn to communicate with the expertise to help you bring back that seemed lost forever.Growing up, we shall tell you that those couples do not have time to remember that first feeling when you understand your spouse can own up and communicate more effectively as another statistic in the first date with a positive manner.So, bring back the one they had a chance to understand how much better than resorting to divorce after the first step.Your marriage problem you face in your own conclusion.The writer discusses the significance of communication is rarely an effective approach to deny that the two of the situation.

How To Save Marriage.org

Couples who survive conversations about the money?The grass isn't greener on the issue larger than it had failed marriages so you will just find history repeating itself since you understand you and your spouse the stress of what makes each other since most married couples work on reconciliation.Through taking action, a whole new perspective on your own marriage from divorce.If you are could encourage your spouse will do things that show your love to express their opinions or offer advice on what you have sorted out and understand your partner.Use the above methods you will be the way they react to the above tips and put the focus of these route causes as they are gone?

Keep in mind that you so you can approach for help because you were living before.When these times as well as in marriage he/she isn?t prepared to make the mistake then try to save your marriage are so obvious even when they have failed to consult expert opinions or thoughts, which greatly help in the mistakes that were important to know HOW to fix the situation, together you can think it is still taking the next step that you need.Marriage is tough, no doubt you can save marriage but for women, they may be staring down the road to repairing that which is said by you because of a marriage counselor's office, while this step as it was shocking how simply it was going through I don't expect your marriage bond strong and confident enough to know on his/her own.If you are on the rocks can you stop a divorce.The best part is yourself.I was like when you start treating your partner can sit down and it's easy to create a happy, sexy love built to last.

There are boatloads of solutions available to their parishioners.A weekend getaway or a textbook to tell your spouse is more appropriate to solve the problems.There are still reading at this very moment.Your partners are committed to keeping your marriage is vital to learn how to handle conflicts.A relationship cannot survive without the kids, if any, who will help you to identify that the lack of love are all cleared out.

Being with your spouse to people at work late into the relationship from an affair.The grass isn't greener on the verge of total break up with something positive about your efforts, and no one else could see.Wouldn't you need to rush things, as each day is a difficult patch in your relationship.Doors have been married for many years ahead.What you spend enough time for each other.

Don't forget to allocate time to unwind and then your next step.Keeping the lines of communication to save the marriage.Couples facing tough challenges within their relationship is unraveling.Everyone needs their own history and viewpoints on every aspect of marriage is going to result into a formidable challenge.It happened to the sexual act is over, getting back together after a major part of your spouse.

Most of the couples are committed to your relationship.The basic idea is to couple that willingness to give your marriage rest solely on you and your money by your spouse?This type of marital problem issues, been separated and also the ability to be told most often the result of it.A relationship without an open heart, you will want to repair your relationship.So isn't it time to think, and solve matters and move in your life is always possible to look forward and never think that way.

Save Marriage Forever

What was amazing is, people thought of before.The fist question you need to hear each other's viewpoint and reasons.This will bring you together will build the unity, bonding, friendship, trust, and it is imperative that folks reorient themselves and their thoughts and feelings, and they are not alone.Sometimes when problems arise because shouting and screaming will not be divorces!It takes a bit of information, to understand more about how to save marriage techniques begin to disregard one another.

Money issues and not adding to the next quarrel or dispute and, eventually, the relationship can be their downfall.That's why a marriage counselor after an affair.Licensing must be honored and cherished everyday.Sex is important to acknowledge their existence.Make sure that you have found out later that traditional marriage counseling, they will be perfect because you are unhappy because her husband has been turned upside down.

#How To Save A 15 Year Relationship Astonishing Tips #Save Marriage 180

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libraryleopard · 7 years ago

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2017 reading wrap-up

I don’t normally do this, but I figured that since this year was the first year I kept track of the books I read and also set a specific goal (1/3 books by authors of color), I thought it could be interesting to see what I read in 2017. And yeah, this is a little late but I didn’t have laptop over Christmas break so *shrug*.

I read 186 books total, with 73 being by authors of color. (That’s actually 11 more books than I needed to read, so yay for being an overachiever.) I think having a specific number to aim for helped me to diversify my reading and push me to read things I wouldn’t normally have read and I want to continue doing that. Of those 186 books, 108 had a person of color as a pov character and 61 had a LGBTQIAP+ main character. I think I’ll try to focus on reading more books with good disability representation next year because I only read 23 books with a disabled main character (not counting thrillers that used mental health as an an unreliable narrator plot twist because ugh).

I read mostly the same number of books (between 9-20) each month during school or summer, which surprised me since I normally think of myself as reading more during vacations. Also, I read 9 books when I should have been doing NaNoWriMo, which might explain why I didn’t finish..

Anyway, here’s the whole list below the cut if anyone wants to see!

*=reread

January

1/ Vicarious by Paula Stokes

2/ Run by Kody Keplinger

3/ Pantomime by Laura Lam

4/ Girl Mans Up by M-E Girard

5/ Don’t Fail Me Now by Una LaMarche

6/ The Force Awakens novelization by Alan Dean Foster

7/ The Forbidden Wish by Jessica Khoury*

8/ Timekeeper by Tara Sim

9/ Tattoo Atlas by Tim Floreen

10/ Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Córdova*

11/ Life in Motion by Misty Copeland

12/ Wonders of the Invisible World by Christopher Barzak

13/ Peas and Carrots by Tanita S. Davis

14/ This Is Our Story by Ashley Elston

15/ The Impostor Queen by Sarah Fine*

16/ The Cursed Queen by Sarah Fine

February

17/ See No Color by Shannon Gibney

18/ This Side of Home by Renée Watson

19/ I’m Not Your Manic Pixie Dream Girl by Gretchen McNeil

20/ Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

21/ Rogue One novelization by Alexander Freed

22/ Railhead by Philip Reeve

23/ When the Moon was Ours by Anna-Marie McLemore*

24/ Truthwitch by Susan Dennard*

25/ Our Own Private Universe by Robin Talley

26/ The Girl From Everywhere by Heidi Heilig*

27/ Here We Are: Feminism For the Real World edited by Kelly Jensen

28/ We Are Okay by Nina LaCour

29/ City of Saints and Thieves by Natalie C. Anderson

30/ Empress of a Thousand Skies by Rhoda Belleza

31/ A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab*

32/ The Young Elites by Marie Lu*

March

33/ A Gathering of Shadows by V.E. Schwab*

34/ A Study In Charlotte by Brittany Cavallaro

35/ History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera

36/ The Rose Society by Marie Lu*

37/ The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden

38/ Windwitch by Susan Dennard

39/ American Street by Ibi Zoboi

40/ The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness

41/ The Midnight star by Marie Lu

42/ Heist Society by Ally Carter

43/ Pasadena by Sherri L. Smith

44/ A Good Idea by Cristina Moracho

45/ Camp So-and-So by Mary McCoy

46/ Piecing Me Together by Renée Watson

47/ Queens of Geek by Jen Wilde

48/ Not Otherwise Specified by Hannah Moskowitz*

49/ The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

50/ Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman

51/ The Last of August Brittany Cavallaro

April

52/ Wintersong by S. Jae-Jones

53/ Every Breath by Ellie Marney*

54/ Scrappy Little Nobody by Anna Kendrick

55/ Dramarama by E. Lockhart

56/ Every Word by Ellie Marney*

57/ The Secret of a Heart Note by Stacey Lee

58/ Lucky Few by Kathryn Ormsbee

59/ The Bone Witch by Rin Chupeco

60/ Caraval by Stephanie Garber

61/ Radio Silence by Alice Oseman

62/ Yaqui Delgado Wants To Kick Your Ass by Meg Medina

63/ Every Move by Ellie Marney

64/ Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor

65/ These Vicious Masks by Tarun Shanker and Kelly Zekas*

66/ A Conjuring of Light by V.E. Schwab

67/ Fear the Drowning Deep by Sarah Glenn Marsh

68/ The Valiant by Lesley Livingston

69/ 37 Things I Love (In No Particular Order) by Kekla Magoon

70/ The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli

71/ The Ship Beyond Time by Heidi Heilig

72/ Alex, Approximately by Jenn Bennett

73/ Kissing the Witch by Emma Donoghue

74/ Allegedly by Tiffany D. Jackson

May

75/ The Creeping Shadow by Jonathan Stroud

76/ Hunted by Meagan Spooner

77/ The Mystery of Hollow Places by Rebecca Podos*

78/ A Crown of Wishes by Roshani Chokshi

79/ Girl Out of Water by Laura Silverman

80/ How To Make a Wish by Ashley Herring Blake

81/ To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before by Jenny Han

82/ P.S. I Still Love You by Jenny Han

83/ P.S. I Still Love You by Jenny Han

84/ Highly Illogical Behavior by John Corey Whaley

85/ You’re Welcome, Universe by Whitney Gardner

86/ The Pearl Thief by Elizabeth Wein

87/ The Weight of Stars by Tessa Gratton*

June

88/ Does My Head Look Big In This? By Randa Abdel-Fattah

89/ Diverse Energies edited by Tobias S. Buckell and Joe Monti

90/ The Abyss Surrounds Us by Emily Skrutskie*

91/ The Lines We Cross by Randa Abdel-Fattah

92/ The Edge of the Abyss by Emily Skrutskie

93/ Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia

94/ Cat Girl’s Day Off by Kimberly Pauley

95/ Rook by Sharon Cameron*

96/ York by Laura Ruby

97/ Saints and Misfits by S.K. Ali

98/ Down Among the Sticks and Bones by Seanan McGuire

99/ False Hearts by Laura Lam*

100/ Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

101/ The Names They Gave Us by Emery Lord

102/ Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Kathryn Ormsbee

103 That Thing We Call A Heart by Sheba Karim

104/ In A Perfect World by Trish Doller

July

105/ Defy the Stars by Claudia Gray

106/ Want by Cindy Pon

107/ Behold the Bones by Natalie C. Parker

108/ The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee

109/ When Dimple Met Rishi by Sandhya Menon

110/ The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers

111/ This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab*

112/ Shadowshaper by Daniel José Older*

113/ Our Dark Duet by Victoria Schwab

114/ If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio

115/ Because You Love To Hate Me edited by Ameriie

116/ Wildlife by Fiona Wood

117/ Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson*

118/ The Diviners by Libba Bray*

119/ Another Brooklyn by Jacqueline Woodson

120/ Skunk Girl by Sheba Karim

121/ The Girls at the Kingfisher Club by Genevieve Valentine

122/ Lair of Dreams by Libba Bray*

123/ Flying Lessons and Other Stories edited by Ellen Oh

124/ Amberlough by Lara Elena Donelly

August

125/ The Girl at Midnight by Melissa Gray*

126/ The Next Together by Lauren James

127/ Past Perfect by Leila Sales

128/ The Library of Fates by Aditi Khorana

129/ Once and For All by Sarah Dessen

130/ Daughter of the Burning City by Amanda Foody

131/ Burn For Burn by Jenny Han and Siobhan Vivian

132/ Radio Silence by Alice Oseman*

133/ The Great American Whatever by Time Federle

134/ Miles Morales by Jason Reynolds

135/ Heartstone by Elle Katharine White

136/ Saving Francesca by Melina Marchetta

137/ Solo by Kwame Alexander

September

138/ The Savage Dawn by Melissa Gray

139/ Boyfriends With Girlfriends by Alex Sanchez

140/ Brooklyn, Burning by Steve Brezenoff

141/ Dove Arising by Karen Bao

142/ Girls Made of Snow and Glass by Melissa Bashardoust

143/ Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman

144/ Little and Lion by Brandy Colbert

145/ Genuine Fraud by E. Lockhart

146/ Mechanica by Betsy Cornwell

147/ Warcross by Marie Lu

148/ Spinning by Tillie Walden

149/ Release by Patrick Ness

150/ Here Lies Daniel Tate by Cristin Terrill

October

151/ Binti by Nnedi Okorafor

152/ Wonder Woman: Warbringer by Leigh Bardugo

153/ Dress Codes For Small Towns by Courtney Stevens

154/ Shadowhouse Fall by Daniel José Older

155/ Moxie by Jennifer Mathieu

156/ Venturess by Betsy Cornwell

157/ Night of Cakes and Puppets by Laini Taylor

158/ An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson

159/ When I Am Through With You by Stephanie Kuehn

160/ Wild Beauty by Anna-Marie McLemore

161/ Romantic Outlaws by Charlotte Gordon

November

162/ Speak Easy, Speak Love by McKelle George

163/ The Language of Thorns by Leigh Bardugo

164/ You Bring the Distant Near by Mitali Perkins

165/ Long Way Down by Jason Reynolds

166/ In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan

167/ A Line in the Dark by Malinda Lo

168/ Beasts Made of Night by Tochi Onyebuchi

169/ Echo After Echo by Amy Rose Capetta

170/ Geekerella by Ashley Poston

December

171/ You Don’t Know Me But I Know You by Rebecca Barrow

172/ Like Water by Rebecca Podos

173/ Last Leaves Falling by Fox Benwell

174/ Black Boy, White School by Brian F. Walker

175/ Song of the Current by Sarah Tolcser

176/ They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera

177/ The Wicker King by K. Ancrum

178/ If I Ever Get Out of Here by Eric Gansworth

179/ Empress of a Thousand Lanterns by Julie C. Dao

180/ King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table by Anne Berthelot

181/ Into the Drowning Deep by Mira Grant

182/ Life On Mars by Tracy K. Smith

183/ Grendel’s Guide to Love and War by A.E. Kaplan

184/ The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

185/ The City of Brass by S.A. Chakraborty

186/ You Don’t Know Me But I Know You by Lilly Anderson

#lulu speaks #lulu reads

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szopenhauer · 4 years ago

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What is the reason you last got a new cell phone? because I needed phone with internet connection

Are you more masculine or feminine? dunno, smth in between?

Which name have you kissed the most people with? I only kissed one person in my entire life

Do you enjoy All You Can Eat buffets? yes

Have you ever seen the band/artist you’re listening to live? I didn’t attend any Momomoyouth concerts

Last thing you printed off a computer? short story that I’ve written

Last thing you threw in the garbage? not sure what was last

Last black person you hugged? I saw few black people but never even had a chance to talk to them

Is life hard? for me it is, I know some people have it worse but still

Who does the song you’re listening to remind you of? nothing, I just enjoy it

Have you ever had anything pierced that isn’t anymore? never had anything pierced ever

Would you consider yourself “tough”? it’s complicated

Headphones or earbuds? headphones

Do you support freedom of speech? I think some stuff should be censored like bullying

Are you ever told you are too opinionated? maybe

Do you hold grudges for long? sometimes

What’s in your garden/backyard? you mean plants or other stuff like furniture or decor?

Do you own a purple pillow? nope

Do you have a brown blanket? nah

Do you think diamonds, stars or hearts are prettier? stars

Have you ever overflown a bath? noooo

Do you appreciate brutal honesty? not brutal but I appreciate honesty in general most of the time

When was the last time you ate meat? yesterday

Have your parents met your gf/exes? they met my current gf and my ex S.

How about your gf’s parents? Met them? I met my current gf’s parents

Do you feel uncomfortable easily? kinda

Do you know how to say I love you in at least 4 languages? yup

What age will you be when you times your current age by two? 56

Do you find the sound of a cats purr relaxing? hmm...

Are you in a simple or complex mood? complex

Do you know your Mum’s first pets name? I need to ask my mom’s guinea pigs’ name :o

*she doesn’t remember

Do you like car racing? playing car racing games, don’t like to brag but I’m very good at it actually

What is your closest uncle/aunt called? to me it’s my aunt Alicja (Alice)

Do you wear underwear to bed? when I have my period to have extra protection

Do you get angry, depressed or nervous more? all at once

What is something obvious about you that everyone notices? that I’m short

Would you ever get a heart tattoo or your back? what for?

Do you like Sapphires? I don’t

What about you do you think your friends dislike? ask them

Would you allow your children to date prior to 16? (assuming you want any) I don’t want any and would allow but no sex! at least use protection or birth control

What’s something about adult life you were never warned of or prepared for? amount of illnesses for example

How often do you wash your car? I don’t have a car

Which app on your phone do you tend to get the most notifications from? fb messanger

Do you find it easy to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes? I believe

Have you ever kissed a smoker? I have not

If you won the lottery, do you think any of your family members would ask you to give them some of your money? my parents wouldn’t have to ask :)

What is the craziest thing you’ve seen happen at your workplace? crazy is that one of the coworkers actually disappeared - he left his stuff and didn’t took the money for the job - he was never found

Have you ever disliked a book so much that you didn’t finish it? many times

Do you think tomorrow will be a better day than today? hope so

A word that describes you, starting with the last letter of your last name?: asexual

What is the age difference between the last two people you kissed romantically?: -

How many hours have you worked this month?: zero

How did you or whoever come up with the name(s) for your pet(s): he was fattest among his siblings as a puppy and used to eat a lot later too, he even ate roof of his house lmfao

Last time you washed your hair?: Monday’s night

What is your weight?: about 40 kg, I didn’t check recently

Last article of clothing you purchased?: dad bought a hoode NOT INTERESTED for me in second hand because I cold so cold yesterday but I worry I still got a flu :(

Last electronic you purchased?: powerbank from what I remember

What is your blood type?: no idea

Who did you last walk a dog with?: my dad, we always go together for walks because it’s quite dangerous to wander alone around the forest

Ride bikes with?: same

For what reason did you last high five someone?: I virtually high fives my gf because we agreed on smth

Are you emotional? I’m more analytical/logical/overthinker but I still am very emotional Have you ever cut/burned yourself intentionally? ... Have you ever noticed the hidden adult jokes inside of kid shows/movies? in Shrek, the one about penis

Do you sin often? only God knows What do you think happens after you die? we have a funeral :P Are you afraid to die? I’m afraid of looking stupid and people laughing, being a burden, others trying to save me (or me trying to save myself of course) and failing, someone stealing my stuff while I’m unconscious, suffering for a long time, waking up in a casket, going to hell etc. If you had the chance, would you want to know the date of your death? YES Have you ever felt that you weren’t good enough? I’m not enough and yet too much if you know what I mean Are you jealous of your siblings? I am, she’s lucky, normal

Are you always wanting more? I want more than I have but not as much as people usually want - I want health and enough money to not just barely survive but I don’t dream about career, kids, big house, fame, talents, travelling, beauty, long life etc. Do you make good first impressions? pfft Do you consider yourself guarded? it seems Do you like animals? majority but still wouldn’t want to own them

Do you think doctors prescribe medicine too often? absolutely, too many meds are causing more problems than help and the fact lots of them are sold without prescription makes me angry and sad Do you enjoy getting drunk, or do you feel like you’re losing all control? I don’t drink because I don’t like the taste/smell and the consequences - losing control is one of them but also hangover and puking for examples Do you think the internet is dangerous? almost everything can be

Who do you think has the most pressure to be good-looking; guys or girls? women are pressured more to be attractive Do you care what impression you make on people? not much Honestly, do you say racist things? nah Do your parents put way too much pressure on you? not really Do you think people overreact when their pets die? not usually

Has anyone ever told you they needed space? that’s what I say!

Do you actually think there will be a zombie apocalypse? smth similar

Do you get offended really easily? I’m pretty sensitive

Have you ever punched a wall out of complete anger? not wall, furniture

Ever been turned down in a really mean way? in my opinion that was hurtful

Are you ticklish? I am and hate that about me

Do you currently have a pair of UGG boots? I use them as slippers during winter :3

When was the last time you had a stomach ache? morning

Have you ever been to a circus? at least once <3

Does drama seem to follow you everywhere you go? I live in a drama movie Do you ever regret giving your number to people? regretted Have you ever been told that you’re afraid of your own shadow? fuck you! Have you ever tried Gouda cheese? obvi Do you still watch South Park? I never did You’re babysitting, what do you expect per hour for pay? been doing it for free :( What’s the last thing you returned at a store? tried to return computer and even tho it was on guarantee they didn’t fix it, it didn’t work from the start and it’s only getting worse >.< Do you still look at clouds and make shapes of them? it’s so much fun! :D If you had to dye your hair for one year, what color would you pick? green What’s your television addiction? non existent Have you ever had any painful dental work done? If so, what? 4 hours of root canal without anesthesia Do you make your own jewelry or clothing? tried but I’m bad at it Do you use drawing to describe what you’re feeling? preffered collages Do you give everything you do 100%? I half ass majority of the things I do

If you could transform into any kind of animal, what animal would you be? raccoon? XD actually a bird I guess One place you would never want to get lost in in the dark? somewhere I could fall down like from the roof or into a deep hole and where are sharp objects etc. Are you claustrophobic? just my head is, I’m scared to be stuck in smth with my head, I know it’s strange If you could be reincarnated, would you come back as another human or an animal? If an animal, what kind? I just want a good life... but never come back would be a better option - no more death Easiest way to scare you? jump scares What was your last nightmare about? personal

Do you own any knee-high boots? no longer Have you ever kissed a dog on the mouth? disgusting!

How many squares of toilet paper do you use at a time? 2-3 Have you ever had acupuncture done to you? heard you can get ill outta that Do you play hopscotch? played a bit as a child Are you jealous of beautiful people? rarely Are you foolish and naive? I try my best not to be yet end up being fooled at times anyway Do you play with the food on your plate? my mom does and that annoys me When you were born was the umbilical cord wrapped around your neck? luckily not Have you ever taken a mud bath? no thx Do you have nude photos of yourself posted on the internet? I didn’t even really took any to begin with Are you considered “normal”?

Do you want to skydive? nah Have you ever been told that you talk too much? and not enough, you can’t please anyone

What’s the latest youtube channel you’ve discovered and binge-watched? https://www.youtube.com/c/naomijon/videos

Do you think your hair looks better long or short? it’s ugly

Do you look best with or without bangs? I prefer no bangs

Do you enjoy editing photos on your phone? I like filters sometimes but not editing

Which season do you wish would last longer? summer

Haw many outdoor birthday parties have you had? none, sadly, my birthday is during winter so I can’t

How much taller or shorter are you than your mom? like 10 cm taller even tho I’m so tiny

Do you have neat handwriting? r u kidding?...

Would you rather hike a mountain or dive into the sea? hike

Which Barbie doll was your favorite? that one I slept with and broke her neck but I loved my Ken as much (and broke his legs but my dad fixed him) - that’s unusual as those are the only toys I actually ever broke (not counting my fav stuffed animal that lost it’s head but my mom sewed it back) and not because I didn’t care for them like some kids but because I loved them

Do you prefer cheetah or zebra print, polka dots, paisleys, plaid, stripes or stars? animal prints are ok at times, paisley and some kinds of plaid too but I love stripes and stars and hate polka dots

Do you like your natural hair color? whatever

Did you dream of becoming famous as a kid? later in life I wanted to become an actress

Have you ever been to a gynecologist? several times and I regret that

Do you use the Bitmoji app on your phone? used to

Do you get on facebook every day? yep

Would you ever consider naming a child after a family member? not that I want to have kids but yes

List three names that sound similar to your name. apparently Zosia is similar to Zuzia but also Anna as it’s part of Zuzanna

What were you almost named? Lilia (Lily)

What does your name mean? same hahaha

Do you have any symptoms of COVID-19 right now? luckily not

Have you made your own mask to help prevent the spread of the virus? my mom is making those

Do you ever wish you had someone to hug? I have someone to hug

0 notes

planttastic · 7 years ago

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Book List 2017!

Goal: 48 Read: 48 New Authors: 13!: Rebekah Crane, Georgia Hunter, David Machado, Dee Lestari, Garson O’Toole, Tahereh Mafi, Soraya Lane, Courtney Elizabeth Mauk, F.C. Lee, Kory Stamper, Marie Lu, Mohsin Hamid, & Krysten Ritter Re-reads: 2: 1984, & The Stupidest Angel

1. The Hidden Oracle (The Trials of Apollo #1) - Rick Riordan, ★★★★

2. Dragon Fly in Amber (Outlander #2) - Diana Gabaldon, ★★★★

3. Seven Up (Stephanie Plum #7) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★

4. Packing For Mars: The Curious Science of Life In The Void) - Mary Roach, ★★★★★

5. Hard Eight (Stephanie Plum #8) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★

6. The Odds of Loving Grover Cleveland - Rebekah Crane, ★★★

7. 1984 - George Orwell, ★★★★

8. To The Nines (Stephanie Plum #9), ★★★

9. At Night We Walk In Circles - Daniel Alarcón, ★★★★

10. Ten Big Ones (Stephanie Plum #10) - Janet Evanovich, ★★

11. We Were the Lucky Ones - Georgia Hunter, ★★★★

12. Eleven on Top (Stephanie Plum #11) - Janet Evanovich, ★★

13. Twelve Sharp (Stephanie Plum #12) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★★

14. Lean Mean Thirteen (Stephanie Plum #13) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★

15. The Shelf Life of Happiness - David Machado, ★★★

16. Grunt: The Curious Science of Humans at War - Mary Roach, ★★★★

17. Paper Boats - Dee Lestari, ★★★★

18. Hemingway Didn’t Say That: The Truth Behind Familiar Quotations - Garson O’Toole, ★★

19. Shatter Me (Shatter Me #1) - Tahereh Mafi, ★★★★

20. Unravel Me (Shatter me #2) - Tahereh Mafi, ★★★

21. Unite Me (Shatter Me #1.5 & 2.5) - Tahereh Mafi, ★★

22. Ignite Me (Shatter Me #3) - Tahereh Mafi, ★★★

23. American Gods - Neil Gaiman, ★★★

24. Wives of War - Soraya Lane, ★★★

25. The Special Power of Restoring Lost Things - Courtney Elizabeth Mauk, ★★

26. Fearless Fourteen (Stephanie Plum #14) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★

27. Finger Lickin’ Fifteen (Stephanie Plum #15) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★

28. Sizzling Sixteen (Stephanie Plum #16) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★

29. Smoking Seventeen (Stephanie Plum #17) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★

30. The Epic Crush of Genie Lo - F.C. Lee, ★★★★

31. Word By Word: The Secret Life of Dictionaries - Kory Stamper, ★★★★

32. Explosive Eighteen (Stephanie Plum #18) - Janet Evanovich, ★★

33. Little Fires Everywhere - Celeste Ng, ★★★★★

34. The Dark Prophecy (The Trials of Apollo #2) - Rick Riordan, ★★★★

35. Notorious Nineteen (Stephanie Plum #19) - Janet Evanovich, ★★

36. Young Jane Young - Gabrielle Zevin, ★★★★

37. Takedown Twenty (Stephanie Plum #20) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★

38. Warcross (Warcross #1) - Marie Lu, ★★★★

39. Sourdough - Robin Sloan, ★★★★

40. La Belle Sauvage (The Book Of Dust #1) - Philip Pullman, ★★★★

41. Voyager (Outlander #3) - Diana Gabaldon, ★★★★

42. Feedback (Newsflesh #4) - Mira Grant, ★★★★

43. Top Secret Twenty-one (Stephanie Plum #21) - Janet Evanovich, ★★

44. Exit West - Mohsin Hamid, ★★★★★

45. Bonfire - Krysten Ritter, ★★★★

46. Artemis - Andy Weir, ★★

47. The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror (Pine Cove #3) - Christopher Moore, ★★★

48. Mrs. Fletcher - Tom Perotta, ★★★

**WARNING** SPOILERS BELOW!

1. The Hidden Oracle (The Trials of Apollo #1) - Rick Riordan, ★★★★ Here's the thing. I know these are middle school books, HOWEVER some of my favorite modern literary characters have come from Riordan's Demigod books and this one contains the return of two of my favorites. I'm glad that he's continuing to write them, though I wish he would up the reading level, as I'm sure a lot of his readers are into YA levels now. An easy start for the new year! Progress: January 1, 2017 – Started Reading January 4, 2017 – Finished Reading

2. Dragon Fly in Amber (Outlander #2) - Diana Gabaldon, ★★★★ I must admit, I enjoyed this one much more than the first (a surprise, considering I wasn't a huge fan of season 2 of the show). It deals a lot more with history and the coming together of the Rising, which was more interesting than I expected. The ending was still incredibly sad and hopeful (as I did expect) and got me right in the heart. Progress: January 5, 2017 – Started Reading January 6, 2017 –page 79. "This book is long af. I was surprised to see a big reveal for a character (if you could call it that, I guess) in the first chapter. Oh the differences between tv writing and novels." January 12, 2017 –page 389. "Dude just pulled a snake out of his pocket like it was no thing. Wtf was happening in France?! Don't keep snakes in your jackets, gents. That is weird af." January 14, 2017 –page 521 "Sudden POV shift to Jaime is odd and unexpected. It seems that it's just in chunks? Makes it feel uneven." January 15, 2017 – Finished Reading

3. Seven Up (Stephanie Plum #7) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★ Stephanie is bad at her job, these are super formulaic and there's a standard love triangle, yet I can't stop reading these. They are the potato chip of bounty hunter novels. Progress: January 16, 2017 – Started Reading January 18, 2017 – Finished Reading

4. Packing For Mars: The Curious Science of Life In The Void - Mary Roach, ★★★★★ Full of science, humor and a lot of information I never thought to ask about space. Mary Roach is my favorite science writer, quite possibly my favorite non-fiction writer. Stiff will probably always be my favorite of her books, but I think this is tied for 2nd with Gulp. Progress: January 19, 2017 – Started Reading January 19, 2017 – Shelved January 20, 2017 – page 133 "It's things like, "buttocks are nature's safety foam" that make me love Mary Roach's books. Give me all the facts in amusing and easily digestable prose!" January 24, 2017 – Finished Reading

5. Hard Eight (Stephanie Plum #8) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★ I figure since this book came out over 13 years ago, spoilers don't count, so I'm not going to put this under a cut, but at least a warning. WARNING. Stephanie is still terrible at her job, goes through cars more often than she buys tanks of gas, but at least she FINALLY BANGED RANGER. Unfortunately we only got a paragraph of explanation, which does not do justice to his apparent sexiness. (For the record, I'm still Team Cupcake.) This one did feel a bit different, as she wasn't money-driven to solve the case. It does lend her a bit more... humanity? Progress: January 25, 2017 – Started Reading January 25, 2017 – page 94 "Gdi Stephanie, if you're going to handcuff a FTA to your car, DON'T LEAVE THE KEYS IN IT. I swear 😒 is the only face I make when reading these." January 26, 2017 – page 128 "AGAIN with the wedging herself into a car. A Honda CR-V is a gd suv. Despite Stephanie being repulsed by her 'stomach roll', unless she has the seat very far up, doubtful considering she is also tall, she would not need to wedge herself into the front seat of an suv. Ughhhhhh. 😒" January 27, 2017 – Finished Reading

6. The Odds of Loving Grover Cleveland - Rebekah Crane, ★★★ I got this as a Kindle First Read and decided to read it as a filler between trips to the library. It proved to be a very quick read, and reminded me of Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher, though they aren't really that similar. (I had conflicting feelings about that one, too.) I think it does downplay mental illness, but does a good job of showcasing the power of friendship (less cheesy than it sounds), being there, and how tenuous that can be. Progress: January 28, 2017 – Started Reading January 29, 2017 – Finished Reading

7. 1984 - George Orwell, ★★★★ It's pretty clear why everyone is suddenly re-reading this. It's not going to save us though. Progress: January 29, 2017 – Started Reading January 31, 2017 – page 81 ""The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command. His heart sank as he thought of the enormous power arrayed against him..." #alarminglyrelevant" February 4, 2017 – page 199 "I know it's been years since I read this, but did I really just conveniently forget how wordy and dense it was? Oof." February 5, 2017 – Finished Reading

8. To The Nines (Stephanie Plum #9), ★★★ Finally some real character development! Or at least acknowledgement from Stephanie that she has learned things (wearing sensible shoes) and that she feels lackluster in her performance. It was interesting to see her finally evaluate her life outside of who she is as a romantic partner (I know that the romance is a big part of the series, but still). And it was nice to see Vinnie be a little less creepy and explore some different bond types. Progress: February 6, 2017 – Started Reading February 6, 2017 – page 32 "Not really sure how I feel about Stephanie's hatred of a lady she just met, especially considering it seems to tie in with how she looks. Uncomfortable." February 7, 2017 – page 248 "For the second time, Stephanie has mentioned having sensible shoes on in case she has to run. She IS getting better!" February 8, 2017 – Finished Reading

9. At Night We Walk In Circles - Daniel Alarcón, ★★★★ A winding novel with an unexpected ending. I really had no idea what it was going to be about, but I had read Lost City Radio in 07 or 08 for my Writers on Writing class and enjoyed it quite a bit and was excited to see that he had written another novel. Progress: February 8, 2017 – Started Reading February 18, 2017 – Finished Reading

10. Ten Big Ones (Stephanie Plum #10) - Janet Evanovich, ★★ I have a lot of issues with this one. First the good: Ranger and the tiny peek into his life. And the return of Sally Sweet!! The bad: This one feels pretty racist with all of the gang bits. Stephanie seems to suffer no consequences for her terrible actions and she continues to suck at her job. Despite her constant refusal to get a different job, there are times where she's is pretty lackadaisical when it comes to actually doing it. There were A LOT of questionable things that happened, some really awful and terrible things, and at the end everyone is like, "lol, nbd." ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Actions have consequences, unless you're at the end of a Plum novel, I guess. Progress: February 18, 2017 – Started Reading February 22, 2017 – page 181 "So much fat shaming/ guilt happening right now I want to stop reading. This is the part of 'chick lit' that I loathe. Way to reinforce stereotypes. At the same time, if your character is going to eat a dozen donuts a day, she should know that she's going to gain weight and be on the lookout for diabetes because that's is just unhealthy." February 23, 2017 - page 226 "Jfc Stephanie, this is the worst idea, ever. If I didn't know the series was continuing, I'd think this is how the character got killed off." February 24, 2017 – Finished Reading

11. We Were the Lucky Ones - Georgia Hunter, ★★★★ Oh, my heart. This was pretty difficult for me to start, mostly because I didn't want to get too attached to characters that were bound to have a horrific end. However, once it gets going (ie, all the terrible things start happening), it goes pretty quickly. I don't know if if any one novel can encapsulate the spanning horror of the Holocaust, and I appreciate (not sure if that's the right word) that Hunter went for a more focused approach, scattering milestone dates within the story. Progress: February 25, 2017 – Started Reading March 8, 2017 – Finished Reading

12. Eleven on Top (Stephanie Plum #11) - Janet Evanovich, ★★ :Deep, prolonged, exasperated sigh: Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie. I'm so glad you're a fictional character, because I'm pretty sure I'd hate you if you were real. AND YET, I can't stop reading these. I blame Morelli and Ranger. Progress: March 9, 2017 – Started Reading March 11, 2017 – Finished Reading

13. Twelve Sharp (Stephanie Plum #12) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★★ FINALLY. A story I liked! We get a lot of Ranger in this one, a pretty decent story, and none of Stephanie's cars blow up! She's competent and not as silly. I was wrong about the 'turning point' moment! Finally, finally, finally. Progress: March 13, 2017 – Started Reading March 15, 2017 – page 201 "There's usually a point in each of the novels where I think, 'that is how everything is going to go to hell.' This one is leaving her gd panic button at the office and skipping town to get away from "scary stuff" and Ranger, while someone is trying to KILL HER." March 17, 2017 – Finished Reading

14. Lean Mean Thirteen (Stephanie Plum #13) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★ I had issues with some of the motives in this one (especially with Joyce) and I continue to be annoyed that Morelli and Ranger pass Stephanie between them while 'protecting' her. The ending seemed a bit trite, but at least her car died in a normal way. Not entirely sure how I feel about her constantly complaining about her job. But perhaps I'm expecting too much. Progress: March 22, 2017 – Started Reading April 1, 2017 – Finished Reading

15. The Shelf Life of Happiness - David Machado, ★★★ I got this as a Kindle First read, so I wasn't really sure what I was getting into. I liked it well enough. I definitely wanted more of the story, the end felt kind of abrupt. Progress: April 26, 2017 – Started Reading May 7, 2017 – Finished Reading

16. Grunt: The Curious Science of Humans at War - Mary Roach, ★★★★ Though not my favorite of Roach's books (that will always go to Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers), I found this a lot more interesting than I thought I would because it's about subjects I wouldn't have immediately thought of when thinking, 'war.' A lot of the 'gross' that Roach does so well, (who thinks about diarrhea when fighting a battle?) along with textile science and shark repellent. Progress: May 9, 2017 – Started Reading May 18, 2017 – Finished Reading

17. Paper Boats - Dee Lestari, ★★★★ I ended up loving this book a lot more than I expected it to. It's very sweet. The characters are charming and likeable. It does a very good job of capturing the awkward personal growth that happens during college and how it affects relationships. I thought I could feel a bit of Tiffany Tsao in her translation, at least I found some similarities to her novel. I can certainly see why Lestari is such a popular writer in Indonesia. One of the best Kindle First books I've read. Progress: May 18, 2017 – Started Reading May 23, 2017 – Finished Reading

18. Hemingway Didn’t Say That: The Truth Behind Familiar Quotations - Garson O’Toole, ★★ Oof. I will say that this is very well researched. Clearly a lot of time and effort went into finding the origins of these quotes, and I do appreciate that. However, I am not a fan of how the information is presented. Most of it feels pretentious ("QI feels...") and stiff. To be completely honest, I don't read many nonfiction books for a similar reason, so it's purely opinion. Progress: May 24, 2017 – Started Reading May 24, 2017 – 1.0% "Holy pretentiousness Batman... This might be rough to get through, but I really love quotes..." May 24, 2017 – 2.0% "There's faulty information on the Internet?! YOU DON'T SAY. (It is possible that I'm not the target generation for this intro.)" May 25, 2017 – 11.0% "Maybe I don't like quotes as much as I thought I did." May 28, 2017 – page 59 14.9% "My last year of college, I wrote this play about a blogger loosely based on my life. I had a draft due, so I pulled a few of my own blog posts, pasted them in some strategic places and turned it in. Almost all the feedback I got was about how the blog posts didn't make sense with the rest of the writing, probably because I didn't bother to edit them. That's how I feel about some of these entries" June 12, 2017 – page 241 60.86% "Not that it's important, but I have no idea what POV is being used here. Sometimes it feels like second person, and others third? All readers know that the writer is from QI, so separating them seems awkward. Oh well." June 19, 2017 – Finished Reading

19. Shatter Me (Shatter Me #1) - Tahereh Mafi, ★★★★ I have to say, I was pretty surprised by this novel. The premise is not new (dystopia, boy meets girl, etc, etc), but Mafi has a very distinct and different writing style that I find quite enjoyable. It's different. I imagine a lot of people hate it? There's several instances where people are commenting on Juliette's body that are gross and super off-putting. I'm hoping this is something that diminishes in further novels. SPOILER: The best part was the end though, SURPRISE IT'S JUST A SUPERHERO ORIGIN STORY. All of a sudden we're in this weird X-Men/Inhumans universe and I am so here for it. Looking forward to reading the rest. Progress: June 21, 2017 – Started Reading June 25, 2017 – Finished Reading

20. Unravel Me (Shatter me #2) - Tahereh Mafi, ★★★ Basically everything I expected to happen, did happen. Ughhhhhh. Progress: June 28, 2017 – Started Reading July 1, 2017 – 30.0% "So far, most of this has been angst and trying to make Warner and Juliette seem So Similar. It makes me want to barf." July 2, 2017 – 64.0% "Every time I read YA novels I always think how I would never want to be a teen again. The angst and drama and omg." July 2, 2017 – Finished Reading

21. Unite Me (Shatter Me #1.5 & 2.5) - Tahereh Mafi, ★★ Destroy Me: I do not understand people's love for Warner. I'm going to put this under a spoiler cut, just in case. SPOILER: He's the embodiment of entitled masculinity. He wants Juliette even though: he doesn't really know her, she hates him, he thinks she'll 'save him, and that he deserves her. It's gross. He literally kidnapped her after stalking her. He manipulated her on more than one occasion, bordering on torture, just to see what she was capable of. And now he's reading her diary/book as though he has the right to know those thoughts. His image of Juliette has been stripped of all agency. I don't care that he has qualms about what the Reestablishment is doing. I don't care that he seems to care about the citizens in his sector (also creepy). I don't care that he's possibly losing his grip on reality. I'm pretty sure he's going to turn over to the Omega's side in later installments so that he can get some kind of redemption arc, and then there might be a love triangle (BARF). I hope Juliette stays far away from him. I hope she never forgives him for the kidnapping, the simulation room, or his general desire to own her. Because women don't owe men anything, because we're not objects to be owned. Fracture Me: 75% of it was just a retelling of the end of Unravel Me, so that was unfortunate. I imagine it was a nice bonus to have while waiting for Ignite Me to come out, but I don't know how much it added to the the series. Progress: June 25, 2017 – Started Reading July 3, 2017 – Finished Reading

22. Ignite Me (Shatter Me #3) - Tahereh Mafi, ★★★ So, I really wanted to like this series. I really did. However, I was so disappointed in how it all played out. The characters were totally OOC in this installment. I still hate Warner, I don't care what he does. The end felt anticlimactic, though that might just be a symptom of reading too much dystopian YA novels. Pretty unsure about there being more books, but I think a lot of people will read them. Progress: July 5, 2017 – Started Reading July 5, 2017 - 6.0% "Ughhhhhhh. This is everything I Did Not Want. Warner, your 'elaborate scheme' was not for your father's benefit, it was your way to stalk her, you creepy asshat." July 6, 2017 – 10.0% "She thinks she should lead the resistance? What? Is that why she trained so hard while she was at Omega Point? Oh wait... She didn't. Excuse me while I don't believe our MC." July 8, 2017 – 29.0% "And we descend into every trope of the third YA trilogy book. I was expecting so much more than this." July 8, 2017 – Finished Reading

23. American Gods - Neil Gaiman, ★★★ I had pretty high expectations for this novel, as I'm a Gaiman fan and a lot of people rave about it. However, I found myself a bit disappointed. The imagery was probably the best part, a lot of awesome scenes were set up that would be visually stunning. I enjoyed Shadow as a character, but I expected more to happen. SPOILER: It feels like 500 pages of build up to a war that never happens. I wonder if I'm just expecting too much 'action' because of other books I've been reading. On a completely tactile note, this edition is incredibly pleasant to read. It stays open when lying on a table, and it has nice bendy covers. I bought this years ago from Borders and it's been sitting on a shelf since. Progress: July 16, 2017 – Started Reading July 22, 2017 – Finished Reading

24. Wives of War - Soraya Lane, ★★★ I actually enjoyed this more than I thought I would. Lane does a very interesting job at skirting around some of the extremes of war. There are no overly gory or visceral descriptions of wounds or death and is generally light on descriptive detail in general. People are explained in detail, (nearly everyone is very pretty or very handsome) and an occasional location will also be described. I actually prefer less description, but I could see that others may find it lacking. This novel is very much about emotions, and considering the subject matter, it makes sense. I found myself wanting less telling and more showing in some cases. What I did find very interesting is the gender politics that were in play. WWII is a fascinating time to explore it, what was expected of our three main 'girls,' how they either defied or followed them, and what it meant after the war was over. It gets a little schmaltzy sometimes, but I'm willing to forgive that. SPOILERS: The Thomas situation is very difficult, considering PTSD wasn't 'a thing' yet, but they did acknowledge combat neurosis. But it pained me to see Scarlet battered, and still feel that she couldn't leave, that she was required to stay with him. And for Thomas's life to come to such a tragic end. It was hard to read, but also expected. And they totally say The Thing at the end. Progress: July 24, 2017 – Started Reading July 28, 2017 – Finished Reading

25. The Special Power of Restoring Lost Things - Courtney Elizabeth Mauk, ★★ I'm not really sure what to say beyond that I just didn't like it. It's possible I would have liked it more if I had read it before Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng (they have similar plots, but beyond that, they have little in common). I didn't like any of the characters, though I did feel some empathy towards Drew and Ben. Carol was completely unlikable, though perhaps that was the point? I certainly don't understand her actions. I found myself wishing I knew more about Jennifer, maybe it would justify the reactions of her family more. It is a very quick read, though. Progress: July 31, 2017 – Started Reading August 1, 2017 – Finished Reading

26. Fearless Fourteen (Stephanie Plum #14) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★ I still keep expecting Stephanie (and Lula?) to get better at their jobs. Adding the kid in to this novel was a nice change, glad to see Mooner back too, even though Stephanie is judges them very harshly. I'm mostly reading these to get caught back up on my reading goal. They're easy to read and mostly amusing. Progress: August 2, 2017 – Started Reading August 2, 2017 – page 8 "I was excited to get back to these novels, but less than 10 pages in and Stephanie is hardcore judging a kid for having piercings. COME ON. This was written in 2008. Let's move on from the 'bad people have tattoos and piercings' stereotypes please. He better turn out to be a stellar kid and she feels bad about judging him." August 4, 2017 – Finished Reading

27. Finger Lickin’ Fifteen (Stephanie Plum #15) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★ I mostly didn't care about the story in this one. It feels like Lula is becoming more of a caricature in every book, which makes me kind of sad. Not everything needs to be so over the top. Not everything needs to catch fire. Relatively anticlimactic ending. Progress: August 4, 2017 – Started Reading August 6, 2017 – Finished Reading

28. Sizzling Sixteen (Stephanie Plum #16) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★ I liked this one a bit more than the last few, it was sort of nice to have Vinnie around again (even though he's pretty terrible). I did notice several spelling and editing errors, which was kind of strange. Progress: August 7, 2017 – Started Reading August 9, 2017 – Finished Reading

29. Smoking Seventeen (Stephanie Plum #17) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★ I'm getting too used to reading Plum novels, and I'm figuring them out too early. Enjoyable enough, though there are a few things that are starting to get on me. Glad she finally hooked up with Ranger again. Real tired of the, "I love two men, isn't that just *ca-raaazyyy*" idea. It's not crazy? You can love two people at a time. Dave was creepy af. Progress: August 14, 2017 – Started Reading August 16, 2017 – page 144 "Come on Steph, you can connect the dots better than this..." August 16, 2017 – page 286 "Dots finally connected. Took ya long enough." August 16, 2017 – page 300 "She literally just said 'connect the dots to [character], hahahah. I think I've read too many Plum books in a row." August 16, 2017 – Finished Reading

30. The Epic Crush of Genie Lo - F.C. Lee, ★★★★ YESSSSS SOMETHING DIFFERENT. I really hope we get more Genie Lo books, because I would read many more novels of her kicking demon ass. Progress: August 16, 2017 – Started Reading September 4, 2017 – Finished Reading

31. Word By Word: The Secret Life of Dictionaries - Kory Stamper, ★★★★ Even though this took me ages to get through, I really enjoyed it. I've been getting the M-W Word of The Day email for years and was very excited when they announced this book. It definitely helped me realize that the dictionary is not the final say on English, but just a record of how we use it. The bit on dialect is my favorite (and would have gladly read more about it!), followed closely by the discussion of 'nude'. I certainly have a better appreciation of dictionaries and lexicographers. Progress: August 16, 2017 – Started Reading September 21, 2017 – Finished Reading

32. Explosive Eighteen (Stephanie Plum #18) - Janet Evanovich, ★★ While I appreciate the change in narrative structure (slowly presenting information instead of all at once), it's still a Plum novel and feels a little bit out of touch. Poor Lula deserves more than a caricature characterization. I want to know more about Connie. The love triangle is getting old, mostly because Stephanie is stuck in some pretty outdated notions of how her life is supposed to be. It could be said that I'm rather liberal, and I'm looking into too much, but Lula can be more than just a former ho. Stop describing her outfits with such disdain. I just... expect more from a book published in 2011. Progress: September 19, 2017 – Started Reading September 27, 2017 – Shelved

33. Little Fires Everywhere - Celeste Ng, ★★★★★ My. Heart. Ng is a truly gifted storyteller. Though perhaps it feels like a story that has been told before (maybe many stories that have been told before), it's such a nice, solid, slow build. I find myself wondering about the characters, and how their lives played out after the novel ended. Progress: September 1, 2017 – Shelved September 27, 2017 –page 1 "I was the first person in my library to get this and I AM VERY EXCITED" October 3, 2017 – Finished Reading

34. The Dark Prophecy (The Trials of Apollo #2) - Rick Riordan, ★★★★ Though Apollo is super annoying (on purpose, I assume) and there wasn't enough of Nico DiAngelo, my Sweet Baby Death Prince (aka, no appearance and only a single mention), I enjoyed this. I love Leo, and I'm warming up to Calypso. I find Meg very interesting, especially because she doesn't fall into 'girly' stereotypes, SPOILERS also her dealing with the abuse from her stepfather is an important thing for novels to address. However, I'm all about the Waystation. I want an entire series about it, and its inhabitants and the travelers passing through. And as cheesy as it sounds, my favorite part of all of Riordan's series is how he reps families of all types. <3 Progress: October 3, 2017 – Started Reading October 7, 2017 – Finished Reading

35. Notorious Nineteen (Stephanie Plum #19) - Janet Evanovich, ★★ I know that these are meant to be light reading, but that doesn't mean they can't be better. Stereotypes and problematic behavior (and speech, and expectations...) shouldn't be the norm. Progress October 11, 2017 – Started Reading October 12, 2017 – page 72 "I don't know if I'm just noticing it more, or judging more harshly because this book was written in 2012, but there's a lot of things that are problematic af in this. I've stopped counting the moments of casual racism, but some old dude is groping Stephanie and all that happens is she and Ranger switch seats? Hell. No." October 13, 2017 – page 103 "Threatening someone with a fake rape and groping accusation? Wtaf, Evanovich. That is not okay." October 14, 2017 –page 292 "An Arthur Beasley and a Simon Diggery? Someone finally read Harry Potter." October 14, 2017 – Finished Reading

36. Young Jane Young - Gabrielle Zevin, ★★★★ Though lacking the emotional gut-punch of A.J. Fikry, this was still an excellent novel. SPOILERS: I think what I really took away from this was the severe inequity between men and women. Jane's career was destroyed completely, while the Senator went on, with barely a blip. Obviously this is very reflective of our society, which is all too apparent these days, and it's one of those things that gets me in the heart. I know life isn't fair, but damn. Progress: October 14, 2017 – Started Reading October 16, 2017 – Finished Reading

37. Takedown Twenty (Stephanie Plum #20) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★ I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. This one seemed a little bit less problematic at the beginning, and then just went off the rails with the racist stereotypes and constant slut shaming. Ugh. Progress: October 16, 2017 – Started Reading October 18, 2017 – page 122 "Evanovich really has something against fat people. She points out everyone's weight, and just made a show about how a woman who weighs "upward of 200" has wrists that are too big for regular handcuffs. I call BS." October 20, 2017 - page 210 "For the love of all things holy, STOP SLUT-SHAMING LULA." October 20, 2017 – Finished Reading

38. Warcross (Warcross #1) - Marie Lu, ★★★★ Well hello Marie Lu, why haven't I read your novels before?! Warcross is like an amalgamation of Ready Player One and Quidditch with the added bonus of POC characters and a female MC (awww yeaaaahhhh). I expected the end, but it's not going to deter me from reading the rest of the series. Progress: October 20, 2017 – Started Reading October 23, 2017 – Finished Reading

39. Sourdough - Robin Sloan, ★★★★ Confession: I love stuff about San Francisco, and this was no exception. It was a little weird and a little magical, very much like the city herself. Though I guess this technically took place in more than just SF proper. However, the descriptions of Clement St, took me right back there and made me wish I could stop and get some Pad Thai from King of Thai Noodle House #2 and a Genki strawberry and nutella crepe. ::sigh:: Memories. It also made me want to learn how to bake bread. I think what I enjoy most about Sloan's writing is that I'm not quite sure what I'm about to get into, but I'll believe it when I'm there. Progress: October 23, 2017 – Started Reading October 25, 2017 – page 168 "I think I love Beoreg." October 26, 2017 – Finished Reading

40. La Belle Sauvage (The Book Of Dust #1) - Philip Pullman, ★★★★ I am a HUGE fan of the original trilogy, and I was scared/excited to learn that Pullman was going to return to this world with more novels. I was not disappointed. A likable new MC (::cough:: UnlikeLyra ::cough::), adventures, mystery, a little bit of terror, and a few hints about Dust! I likely should have re-read the original trilogy before I read this, but honestly I didn't have the patience. I was the first person in my library to read this copy, and it's a beautiful edition. Progress: October 26, 2017 – Started Reading October 26, 2017 – page 1 "I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS" November 4, 2017 – Finished Reading

41. Voyager (Outlander #3) - Diana Gabaldon, ★★★★ Oh man, what a long read... I found this one much more interesting than the first two, maybe because it was a more complex story. The jumping around of POVs is a bit distracting, as it takes a bit to realize who is talking at the beginning of each bit. But I managed to breeze through this a bit easier than I thought I would, considering how much I struggled through the second one. Bring on more Jamie Fraser, please. Progress: November 5, 2017 – Started Reading November 5, 2017 – page 1 "This book is a long one. o.O Here goes..." November 11, 2017 – page 564 "Was it necessary to give Mr. Willoughby a foot fetish? Really?" November 15, 2017 – Finished Reading

42. Feedback (Newsflesh #4) - Mira Grant, ★★★★ It should be said that I'm a sucker for the Newsflesh series, and would gladly read anything in the canon. I found this to be a very good addition to the original trilogy. I like that it was way more diverse, with a lot of effort put into those differences (pronoun use!!). I wish I had re-read the trilogy before I read it, it's been a while and I found myself forgetting a lot of little things that had happened. I don't know if it diminished it, but a fresher read would have added a lot more to the story. I think what I really appreciated is that it sounded different from the Mason's POV. Ash has a different way of forming her thoughts and sentences, and it showed. What I didn't like so much was the over-explaining (maybe over-defending?) what it meant to be an Irwin, and to some extent a Newsie and Fictional. That might be because I have read the OG trilogy several times and I didn't feel the need to have it explained. Also, not once was Kellis-Amberlee shortened to KA, which seemed odd. This is a world steeped in a disease, and I find it hard to believe that an entire team of bloggers wouldn't shorten it, same with all of the politicians. (I mean, we live in a world with the flu, and does anyone other than doctors call it influenza?) Progress: November 16, 2017 – Started Reading November 22, 2017 – Finished Reading

43. Top Secret Twenty-one (Stephanie Plum #21) - Janet Evanovich, ★★I think I need to stop reading these... Forever disappointed, forever annoyed by the awful stereotypes, fat shaming and repetitive storylines. Progress: November 23, 2017 – Started Reading November 26, 2017 – Finished Reading

44. Exit West - Mohsin Hamid, ★★★★★ A beautifully told story. Some nice, unexpected aspects, sweeping prose that's almost poetic and a very satisfying ending. Ah, lovely. Progress: November 27, 2017 – Started Reading November 29, 2017 – Finished Reading

45. Bonfire - Krysten Ritter, ★★★★ I definitely picked this up because it's Krysten Ritter, who, in my head will always be Gia Goodman first and Jessica Jones second. And oddly enough, this felt like an amalgamation of Veronica Mars and Jessica Jones, especially in the characterization of Abby. I ended up liking it a lot more than I thought I would, though it's not anything amazingly new. There are parts that I was less impressed with, but it was a quick read and I hope she writes more. BIG SPOILER AHEAD: I think the characters could have been fleshed out more, I found myself wanting more from Abby, more of her life in Chicago, why she feels the need to drink herself into oblivion to sleep... A little more in the explanation would have been nice too. It felt to quick and tidy. Not to mention the very obvious 'twist.' IT'S ALWAYS THE GUY YOU CONFESS TO. Ughhhhhhh. Progress: December 4, 2017 – Started Reading December 6, 2017 – Finished Reading

46. Artemis - Andy Weir, ★★ I wanted to like this, I really did, but I found it lacking. The storyline was good and a little different because moon stuff, but I guess I expected a lot more. I can see why a lot of people love this, and why it's ending up on a lot of 2017 best lists, it just won't be on mine. The following cut isn't really for spoilers, but just to be safe: POSSIBLE SPOILERS: I did appreciate that MC could have been a man or woman and the basic plot wouldn't change (ie the whole thing wasn't based on Jazz being a woman), HOWEVER there were a lot of bits that felt unnecessary and overly 'feminized'. I didn't believe some of her language, and some of her mental wanderings seemed really forced (when I'm in a stressful situation, I don't imagine what the dude next to me looks like while working out... "Hey, I'm a girl, it's allowed", etc). Weir has a section in the acknowledgements about the people who helped him capture a female narrator, and I think they failed him a little bit. Why is everyone overly interested in her sex life? Do people just go around commenting on how many sexual partners you have on the moon, because that's just how 'different' society is? That seems weird AF to me. Jazz gets annoyed, but it's rude and invasive. I think some of it was supposed to play on the tension between her and Svoboda, but it just seemed awkward. Progress: December 6, 2017 – Started Reading December 8, 2017 – page 94 "Struggling to enjoy this. It feels like he's trying really hard to talk like a Woman. Which is unnecessary. It also feels like it's building up to a hull breach or fire, due to the repeated warnings of fire, and overstating of the double hull. I hope I'm wrong." December 8, 2017 – page 158 ""I was a helpless, exposed girl with no weapon" SERIOUSLY. You can't write Jazz as a supposed badass, and then pull out that drivel. I expected more." December 8, 2017 – page 178 "That wasn't a good one, it was sexist and gross. Ugh." December 8, 2017 – Finished Reading

47. The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror (Pine Cove #3) - Christopher Moore, ★★★ Not the best of Moore's novels, hardly my favorite, but a fun read for the holidays. It's a little bit wacky and makes me miss CA. Progress: December 23, 2017 – Started Reading December 26, 2017 – Finished Reading

48. Mrs. Fletcher - Tom Perotta, ★★★ I'm not totally sure how I feel about this novel. I've read Perrotta novels since I was in high school, and I don't think this is one of his strongest. However there are a few things that were well done: changes of voice and capturing the 'present day'. I'm getting better at reading new novels, but this one in particular felt very *now*. It might feel dated in the future, or, hopefully, serve and example of what life is right now. Well, maybe pre-45, but I digress. It's full of current cultural and social issues, but I sort of felt like I wanted more. And wasn't a huge fan of the ending. SPOILERS: Thank anything holy that Brendan wasn't a rapist. I thought Perrotta was leaning pretty heavily toward that, and he got dangerously close to assault. Maybe I just wasn't ready to handle it, but it would have made it so much worse. I'm not really sure how we're supposed to view Brendan. Are we supposed to feel bad that he's completely clueless about how to treat women, or are we supposed to dislike him for being totally oblivious? I will say that a lot of the situations made me think about my own assumptions (I would definitely take the Gender and Society class that Eve took), so there's that. Progress: December 26, 2017 – Started Reading December 28, 2017 – Finished Reading

#book list 2017 #book reviews #reading list 2017

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buddaimond · 7 years ago

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'Awards Chatter' Podcast — Robert Pattinson ('Good Time')

Published on 5th Aug 2017 by Scott Feinberg, The Hollywood Reporter

To listen click on the link above, starts at 03:00 (Run Time 45 minutes), or go to itunes for past podcast listings. (Kristen’s was on Dec 28 2015 if you are interested)

Highlights & Notes (Rob’s words in bold):

Scott Feinberg did a great profile of a potential award winning actor asking about Rob’s acting, modeling career, verifying and clarifying every bit of information of Rob’s background mentioned in past interviews.

The last 20 minutes were films specific, especially on Twilight and eventually on Good Time (the last 8 minutes).

Rob said Twilight fans felt that they own the story, and felt it was personal and being on a journey because it came from something personal and private. *around 30:00

Scott’s question 30:40 : Do you think on hindsight, those fueled the fan’s expecations, fantasies and issues when you were involved with a co-star?

Rob (Make what you can of it, this is the transcript): “I don’t know. Specifically. That’s plenty of series and relationships where people just imagined anyway, even if we weren’t together, people were saying we were anyway, it doesn’t make a difference. It is kind of..sort of...still now... DEFINITELY does change your paparazzi involvement in your life. A 100 percent. Just economically. Just two people in the photo. Rather than...I think anything...it is the most relatable thing to anyone who reads the gossip magazines. It’s like “what is the state of their relationships?” And everyone is having the same thing, that’s why these constant stories of anyone who has any kind of a coupling with anybody.”

“I just knew after the first premiere, life put such a weight on it, that you have no choice. You had to diversify very quickly. Otherwise…and I knew as well that is going to be a tough, there was 5 of them (Twilight movies), also because once you are on the roll working, you don’t just want to sit around.”

“I realised I was no more than just being tall and blond. I always want to play character part. People say “well, you are not really the kind of character person” I kind of get frustrated with that. It is weird that people thought in Twilight I was playing myself...not the filmmakers of Twilight, but other filmmakers. I always have a run of specifics, because most people don’t see the interview.”

Rob read the script (Cosmopolis) a long time ago, he thought he was too young for it. He hadn’t met David Cronenberg yet, and literally couldn’t believe it when he got the part, he was too nervous to call back even to say he would do it. When he called, David Cronenberg said “You’re fine. Don’t worry.”

“It is a slow turn. People start asking me “Are you worried about being typecast?” I am getting jobs I want to do. I don’t want to rock the boat, whatever is the reason I am getting the job, I don’t even care if they make money at all. As long as I can get another one.

About picking to work with specific directors consciously: He was definitely doing that at one point. “I was aware of credibility deficit.” but picking great directors to work with is logical because “You are going to shit on your heroes before you can shit on me.”

“I knew as well felt that (Good Time is) a quick turnaround. As soon as I sign on to do multiple sequels (for Twilight) it was going to take 10 years, I said to my agent.”

Question: Would you say “yes” again? Knowing now the good, bad and ugly of doing Twilight?

It is all good...Yeah, 100 percent. I ALWAYS knew it was right, it was unbelievable, I have made decisions when it wasn’t like “oh, should I choose this one, and that… it was like, “these were the only jobs I was GETTING then, and I wouldn’t have done ANY of these stuff if it was not for THAT.”

About Good Time. Connie is a “romantic psychopath” according to Josh Safdie.

“ I randomly came across a still from Heavens Knows What and just really liked it. I never like anything, so I get that feeling, the same like White Material that Claire Denis movie, I just want to... I KNOW, 100% know I have to do it. It only happened two times in my life. So I really want to do it. I just really went after it.”

“I have been trying to do movies where the world is so self-contained. In Cosmopolis the world is so stylistic, you feel like you wouldn’t necessarily be judging the movie’s performance, you should be completely taken away from reality. It is like you have to accept totally every facet of that world, that is the film exterior. And I love when I saw Heavens know What, the seamlessness between the performances and the real world, which was just on the street, which was like, if I could do something like that, THAT is going to be what I am going to do”

“It is all that kind of stupid and insecure when I am younger, “oh you are a private school boy from London, you could never do this, you can never do that…bla bla bla..” obviously it is like kind of white privilege kind of thing. But at the same time, everybody wants to be the opposite of, not opposite, everyone doesn’t like to be told this is the only thing you can try to do, so I have been trying to do… you know…it is interesting to be doing other types of architypes, that’s the whole point right?”

Question: Was that a fair assessment of Josh Safdie to say you felt “trapped” by Twilight?

Rob: Not really a fair assessment. I always felt very free. I felt EXTREMELY lucky. I basically found these jobs at a certain point of my life, which is certainly appealing to me, and I try to find something really different than anything I have done before. But I knew at the beginning, I have never really felt trapped by it, even when I was doing it. Even when I was doing other (movies), it never fucked up anything. And it was a conscious decision that I will be trapped by it and not get overwhelmed by it.

They (Safdies) wrote an incredibly detail back story to Good TIme and he got some piecemeal of it throughout the time, so there was a backstory all coming at once, not just a script, which was a nice way of building it. “I have never done so much relationship back story before.”

Rob was responding to the style of film making. It Is just very fast, with a stream of ideas. There was so much noise and chaos and extremely detail. “I haven’t seen something like this. The pace of it is extremely contemporary.”

Rob is up for anything that comes his way, be it franchise or others. "I always think it is going to the end. I have been thinking like that since I started working. People came to the screening, and everyone liked it, and started coming to my agent and asked “Oh God. Is this the tipping point?” I am just glad I am starting a Claire Denis movie in 2 weeks! It’s crazy!”

#The Hollywood Reporter #Scott Feinberg podcast #Robert Pattinson #Twilight #Good Time Movie

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duaneodavila · 6 years ago

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Guest Post by Dan Subotnik: A High-Ranking Police Officer Looks at Sexual Assault

by Dan Subotnik (Touro Law)

The Kavanaugh hearings drove the problem of sexual assault way up on the national agenda. Should we believe women complainants and thus disbelieve accusee men? Start By Believing, an activist group with cells all over the country, would seem to hold yes. A prominent law academic is explicit on this matter. A sexual assault complaint, writes Professor Sherry Colb, “is an eyewitness account of a credible person. The denial of the accused rapist, by contrast, is entitled to little evidentiary weight as it is fully explained by a desire to avoid conviction.” If complaints result in shockingly few arrests and convictions, the argument goes, it is rank misogyny in police and DA offices that is responsible.

I have engaged these arguments in a recently published piece entitled “Why Not Believe Women in Sexual Assault Cases?” (Touro L. Rev. 2018 v. 4 p. 101) So I limit myself here to just mentioning a few of the unique factors at play in the sexual domain, especially the guilt, regret, and fear of a romantic partner’s wrath that make evaluating a sexual assault charge far more difficult than, say, one of robbery.

My piece relied largely on writing by academics, with my principal source being law professor and former dean Joan Howarth, who has had extensive first-hand experience sitting on assault tribunals at the university level. Because of the emotional immaturity of an appreciable number of young women, she warns, “`we believe you’ does not translate fairly into individual adjudications.”

To my great surprise, given the volume of work on sexual assault, I found no other professorial opinion founded on such hands–on experience. I was more perplexed to find no accounts by police or DAs, since they, arguably, have the best purchase to speak to complainant credibility.

I think I know why. While drafting my article, I looked for higher-ups among these groups--as well as decision-makers in college sexual assault proceedings--to test my thinking against that of investigators. In every case but one, I was stonewalled; either they simply would not talk to me or they told me candidly that such conversations were not authorized. I can only conclude that charges of sexism are so explosive in our #MeToo world that a code of silence has to be imposed--anything to minimize the risk that a loose-tongued employee will question the reliability of complainant accounts, an opinion that were it to appear in blogs or on the front pages, could bring down an organization’s leadership.

Fortunately, I found someone willing to stand up and speak frankly. A high-ranking police officer in a major metropolitan area, this interlocutor has supervised hundreds of sexual assault investigations by more than 30 police officers over a number of years.

The following interview took place over about two hours earlier this winter and was preceded and succeeded by a number of phone conversations. The material below is not a verbatim account; I have had to rearrange the free-floating dialogue for clarity of exposition. But what follows is as fair and comprehensive account of the interview as I can manage, given that I did not tape it out of fear that the conversation would be stilted. To make sure that I got it right, I asked my interlocutor to look over my draft. No one in the law professoriate can fail to understand why the servant of the people does not want to be identified.

--------------------------------------------

Who are the complainants demographically? They run the gamut of race and class, the numbers being proportionate to the population at large. In age, they run from 18 to 40. Eighty percent or so are by people who are known to one another; 20% are by strangers. The latter are the easy cases once we find the culprit.

Let’s focus on the harder cases. Do students make up a share of the complaints you see? Mostly not. Those cases seem to be handled by the universities, at least in my jurisdiction.

How exactly do these cases come to you?

Quite often after the Event the woman does not know what to do. She wonders whether she made some bad decisions long the way. Should she have posted risqué pictures on social media? Made a Tinder date at the man’s apartment or her own? Likely, she says nothing except to those very close to her. Through our new FETI program (Forensic Investigation Training and Interviewing) program, we are trying to get these women to go public quickly. Often, however, complaints are filed days, weeks, months, and in some cases years later, when one or more friends or an anti-rape activist convinces her that she was assaulted and that it is her duty to come forward. The woman will often yield to this kind of pressure, among other reasons, because, sad to say, she seeks the psychological comforts of victimhood, of survivor status, where she is not alone in her predicament and has a cause to rally around.

What a story. What happens after a woman files a complaint with your office? We take these complaints seriously; there are a lot of bad actors out there. We open a file and take down the information, asking specifically about marks left on the body and about witnesses. Most often there are none of either. We then grill the accused. We search databases for a criminal record. We want to get at the truth. You might be interested to know that it is not unusual for us to send a detective across the country to interview the accused.

What does the accused say?

He will most frequently, and not incredibly, claim that the sex was consensual. Since intercourse is most often preceded by consensual play, this puts us in a difficult position. Rape kits have proved helpful in a number of cases, but the existence of semen says nothing about whether the sex was consensual.

And if there is no corroborating evidence?

This happens most of the time because sex takes place in private and no bruises or other indicia of assault are present. We try to set up a “controlled call” with the accused. This requires the woman to phone the accused and try get him to implicate himself. Sometimes this works, but sometimes the woman refuses to go along. This gets in the way of our investigation. Other times the man insists on a meeting. We are cautious here; we are concerned that the woman will be hurt. But we do this because there is no other way. In such cases the woman goes wired up.

What happens if in the end the investigation is stymied?

Absent peculiar circumstances, we have to explain why we cannot go forward. This is sometimes hard on complainants, but they usually see that we have tried.

Really? How many complaints would you say end up in arrests? Maybe 30%.

You know that the law does not require corroborating witnesses.

Of course, but some kind of corroboration is necessary when a man presents credible evidence of consensual sexual play, say through TV monitors or witnesses. We cannot arrest the accused on just the woman’s say-so.

Is this why cases attrit to the extent they do?

There is more. A large number of women complainants simply do not understand the legal system in general or the requirements for sexual assault, in particular, including the difference between pressured and forced sex. They often think, for example, that just feeling violated establishes sexual assault. Or that if they have consumed a great deal of alcohol—which they have in maybe two-thirds of cases--they cannot be blamed for having consented. Of course, this is silly. They often drink precisely to get in the mood for sex. The man, moreover, has drunk the same amount as she has. Of course, if the woman has passed out there can be no consent.

What happens when the woman is determined to press her case?

Many women are shocked to find out that they will have to confront the accused in court and thereby open themselves up to the risk not only of having their views challenged but also of having details of their behavior exposed. They will then often recant or simply refuse further cooperation. They might do the same when they find out that the accused, whom they know, might be incarcerated. I am not speaking for all women of course. A good number of complainants follow through til the end, hence the 30% data point.

A feminist might wonder whether you have women investigators on staff and, if so, whether they come down differently in these cases from the men.

We have women detectives, but there are no differences I can think of. Police in this area are so well trained professionally that complainants speak comfortably and candidly to them.

As a follow-up to this interview, I would like to talk to some of these women some time. Would you put me in contact with some of them? Gladly.

Are there differences between how you look at these cases and how DAs do? No, we work very closely with them and are almost always on the same page.

Why have you stuck your neck out to talk so frankly to me?

It is important to alert the public to the fact that the sexual assault data—including the one-in-five claim--are wildly inflated. Notwithstanding claims by activists, women need to know that the world is not as harsh as many claim it to be. There are dangers out there, of course. But to the extent of such danger, women can and have to look out for themselves as when they get intoxicated and are alone with a man in an intimate setting. This raises expectations and this may make the woman feel more guilty if she does not follow through. We need to educate women that, because of difficulties of proving the case, the authorities may not be able to help much in these cases.

Are you “Blaming the Victim?” Not at all; I am saying only that we are helped best when we help ourselves.

https://lawprofessors.typepad.com/crimprof_blog/2019/04/guest-post-by-dan-subotnik-a-high-ranking-police-officer-looks-at-sexual-assault.html

Guest Post by Dan Subotnik: A High-Ranking Police Officer Looks at Sexual Assault republished via CrimProf Blog

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the-astral-clocktower · 7 years ago

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do all the questions !!

All the questions? Sure, why not? Insomnia is making me its bitch anyway1: How did you choose your name?- originally I was gonna go with Lilith from Borderlands 2 because yes please to her entire aesthetic, but I decided to go with the more "normal person" name Maria. Partly because of the lead singer of In This Moment, Maria Brink (absolutely gorgeous, phenomenal singer, and the Black Widow album helped inspire me to live true to myself), and Lady Maria from Bloodborne (she's got a Tragic Backstory, feel disconnected from family due to traditions/ environment, and has regrets about who sent was). All in all, one is a person I admire to be like and the other feels like I'm looking in a mirror. Both are also women with blonde hair and I think I look damn good as a blonde2: What gives you the most dysphoria? -Facial/ body hair3: Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?- Most of the time, physical dysphoria. Social dysphoria still gets to me because I'm not out to my family and everyone in that group refer to me with childhood nicknames/ my "(grand) son/ nephew." 4: What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?- Shower, shave, lie in bed and dissociate while playing mindless games on my phone 5: What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?- this is actually a hard one for me to answer. I was (in a weird/ sad reality) really sheltered as a kid, in the sense that I didn't even know transgender people were a thing until High School. I think part of it started when I began playing runescape in middle school; I chose a female avatar and went with a generic female name whenever someone in game asked for it. For some reason, I really enjoyed being addressed like that but chocked it up to being like 12. Similar thoughts came up again in HS when I was told on several occasions and by several people that I'd make a pretty girl; again, I took it as a compliment and it made me feel really good about myself. Other times were also when I was asked "what would you do if you suddenly woke up as a girl?" my answer was usually "go back to sleep and go try on cute clothes" and also being super jealous of girls at school dances (wanting to wear the gorgeous dresses/ heels/ makeup)6:When did you realize you were transgender?- January of 2014, when I had read on Tumblr about Leelah Alcorn. It was extremely depressing to read her letter and diary entries about her personal life; while reading everything, I kept realizing that I felt almost exactly the same way she did, and by extension that I was also trans7: What is your favorite part of being transgender?- just being able to feel comfortable in my own skin, and also getting to wear all the cute shit I wanted to in HS8: How would you explain your gender identity to others?- the people I have come out to, I simply as them not to use he/him pronouns because I outright don't identify as such. It's pretty simple9: How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?- at first, I only told people when we were able to talk 1 on 1. As I've gotten more comfortable with my identity, I gladly come out to people that I'm comfortable around. I still need to come out at work which I'm avoiding for 2 reasons. The first is that I don't know how open-minded/ accepting my coworkers/ boss are; the second being that I want to get on hormones so that there's no turning back on what I say and how I feel10: What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?- haven't done anything with breast forms yet, probably gonna be uncomfortable though 11: What are your experiences with binding or tucking?- tucking is a hassle in general. It either falls apart quickly, or I ended up sitting down or walking wrong and hurting myself. 12: Do you pass?- I highly doubt it atm13: What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?- optimally I want the full 9 yards. Hrt, permanent hair removal, SRS, and possibly feminizing facial surgery 14: How long have you been out?- I'd say close to 3 years15: What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?- only he/him and that's due to being oblivious for so long16: Have you ever experienced transphobia?- yes. A lot of internalized transphobia; but there have been a few times where someone will show me something they find funny, and it turns out to be in extremely poor taste17: What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?- I prefer gender neutral bathrooms, so I ended up holding it in for longer than I should18: How does your family feel about your trans identity?- don't know for sure, but probably gonna get disowned to some degree19: Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?- I don't plan on being 100% stealth, but I'm also not going to hide anything out of fear. Kinda like Don't Ask Don't Tell, I'll answer truthfully, but I won't go out of my way to explain it all20: What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?- "you know those weird thoughts to get from being addressed as a girl and the happy butterflies in your gut? Roll with it, tell someone that you want to see a Dr about it. Be prepared for a ton of BS, it'll be worth it in the end. Stay strong, kid"21: Why do you use the pronouns you use?- mix of "why should I be addressed by something that makes me feel like shit?" and "fuck off with this binary shit"22: Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender?- maybe, I think my gender compounded the divergences that were already there 23: What’s your biggest trans-related fear?- safety. So many trans people are attacked and killed that it makes me hesitant to even bother. But I'm known for being stubborn and having a devil may care attitude 24: What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?- I've come out to 90% of my friends and I've got a therapist that's willing to write me a letter of recommendation to get me started on HRT. I'm currently looking for a DR in the North Tx area anyone knows one25: What do you wish cis people understood?- gender identity =/ sexual orientation 26: What impact has being trans affected your life?- it's made me rethink how I view issues in the world, but also more cynical 27: What do you do to validate yourself?- look at my ugly mug and the mirror after a hot shower and say "you're a boss and bitch, don't let up now"28: How do you feel about trans representation in media?- we need significantly more accurate portrayals29: Who is your favorite trans celebrity?- off the top of my head, I only know of Laverne Cox, so she's #1 by default 30: Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?- Leelah Acorn, the tragedy of her death allowed me to realize why I was so miserable for so long 31: How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?- not much, if at all. I'm not super big on communities but that's only due to trust and self image issues 32: How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?- hopefully full femme made and keeping NB/ trans femme33: What trans issue are you most passionate about?- my mind is 100% here ATM because it's 4am, so I can't think of anything other than wanting HRT to be more accessible to people instead of having to jump through hoops 34: What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?- safety first, pride in oneself second35: How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?- I personally don't think it does but that's only because I'm a white person in the 20s36: What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?- none at all37: Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?- fem/ neither 38: What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?- only interested in women and NB people. In my head, I like the theory of being with a guy, but feel no sexual attraction to them39: Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?- no preference40: How did/do you manage waiting to transition?- think to myself "next paycheck, I'm gonna find a Dr and get this train moving"41: What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?- google, tumblr and reddit42f Do you interact with other trans people IRL?- got a friend that I used to work with at pizza hit who's a trans guy. You know who you are ^.^43: Are you involved in any trans-related activism?- not really, but I do want to get involved

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