#were a migraine and motion sickness trigger

[allalrightagain]

The irony of an “is this accessible?” website being inaccessible (for me) is not lost on me

[covid-safer-hotties]

Double trouble: Hypermobility may increase Long Covid risk - Published Aug 6, 2024

“For a middle-aged woman who hasn’t had any actual injuries, I’ve had a huge amount of physical therapy,” says Liza DiLeo Thomas, a 52-year-old emergency medicine doctor in New Orleans and mom to five kids. “My neck muscles were always weak, my knees were bad. In retrospect, I was actually hypermobile, I just didn’t realize it.”

Hypermobility is a catch-all term for a spectrum of disorders characterized by joints capable of moving beyond the normal range of motion, often due to abnormalities in connective tissue. The most common of these disorders, which range from mild to severe, is known as Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (HEDS).

HEDS seems to be more common in women and also may be connected to some cases of Long Covid. A recent study found that people with the condition were 30% more likely not to have recovered fully from Covid-19 infection, based on symptom surveys.

“I got my first Covid infection in March of 2020,” Thomas told The Sick Times. “After [my] second infection, I never recovered.”

Thomas has not been able to return to work in the ER. Worse still, her kids brought home more Covid-19 infections, and each reinfection over the course of the next three years triggered novel, debilitating symptoms, such as painful skin rashes and mild myelitis, an inflammation of the spinal cord. “I believe I’ve had Covid a total of five times,” she said.

In April 2021, she ended up at the office of Tulane University School of Medicine neurologist Michele Longo, who was helming a new Long Covid clinic. Longo and her colleagues have discovered that vulnerability to Long Covid may sometimes be linked to hypermobility.

Longo referred Thomas to multiple specialists, including Dr. Jacques Courseault, founder of Tulane’s specialty hypermobility clinic, launched in 2022. It is one of the few of its kind in the world. Collaboration between that clinic and Longo’s Long Covid clinic has yielded novel clues to the connection between the two conditions.

“The specialist at the clinic pushed along my iliotibial band and other parts of my leg,” recalled Thomas. “And he said, ‘Your muscle pain is not due to muscle damage. You’re hypermobile.’” Muscles will chronically contract to stabilize weak joints in hypermobile individuals, leading to chronic pain.

That insight gave clues to what might be off balance in Thomas’ body, and pointed the way for treatments that helped improve her function, including antihistamines, low-dose naltrexone, and lots of saltwater to help increase blood volume, as she was later diagnosed with dysautonomia and small fiber neuropathy. With her condition better managed, she now works part-time for the same hospital in an administrative role, mostly from home.

How a connective tissue disorder might increase risk of Long Covid Longo, the Tulane neurologist, is the kind of doctor who listens closely to her patients

“My migraine headaches brought me to neurology as a profession,” she told The Sick Times. “I’ve been living my whole life in that space of having a chronic condition that does not have a biomarker. That lends itself very well to believing my patients and empathizing with them.”

Early in the pandemic, she started seeing chronically ill individuals who were much younger than her typical patient, and who had not recovered from an acute Covid-19 case.

At her Long Covid clinic, she began to notice that some of her patients were hypermobile. She diagnosed them via the traditional Beighton scoring system — a simple in-office test which checks the flexibility of joints such as the fingers, elbows, knees, and spine. Then, she sent them over to the EDS clinic, where Courseault inevitably confirmed her suspicion. “Every patient I sent him was indeed hypermobile,” she said.

This past April, Longo and colleagues published a report on five hypermobile females with Long Covid aged 33 to 51. Once diagnosed and treated at the EDS clinic for common issues associated with hypermobility, they began to see some improvements. Longo and colleagues are now putting together a case series on fifty patients.

Read the rest at either link!

[soullikethesea]

I'm starting to get a little more desperate about the migraines. Yesterday I called the endo clinic and they will change my birth control ASAP when I get home. Which made me feel SO relieved and happy.

But then later I had another short burst of migraine and that made me cry for like 30 minutes straight. I'm just so done with it. It sucks. I think the trigger was motion sickness from public transport. Today we will travel to the mountains 🥳, but that also means a lot of public transport and I really really hope it'll be OK. I read a bit about it online and apparently people with migraines are more prone to motion sickness (I know I definitely am) and it is a common trigger.

The weather seems to be quite nice, though! And I managed to keep the weight of my backpack around 7 kg (4.5 kg without water and food). My friend was super impressed by that (he has like 11 kg).

We're hiking pretty much the shortest distances possible (4 - 6 hours a day) and I'm happy about that, too. No need to push big limits here. Just need to be up there and enjoy the nature and fresh air.

We didn't really talk about the conflict from yesterday, but I'm pretty sure the friend and partner did talk about it, because they were MUCH more relaxed after I got back. I was really glad about that as well.

[mushibashiraas]

🛒 I JUSR REALIZED HOW AWFUL AND ROBOTIC I SOUNDFJDJDJ LIKE. i come back after posting the ruggie fic and redoing my theme only to drop a to do list and dip againdjsjdjs ah. uh.

so life update ig? eh. i can talk more about my chronic migraines too since the life update is mainly about themfjdjdj oops. BUCKLE TF UP BC THIS'LL BE LONG (still dont know how to add the "more under the cut" thing on mobile tumblr. too lazy to get out my laptop)

this whole week has been insane! context: my migraines are triggered by bright light, loud sounds, motion-sickness-games (i.e. genshin, Identity V, etc.), weather pressure changes, rainy days/nights, storms, and dramatic temperature fluctuations..... but mainly the last four.

anyway. this week had the first and the second triggers. (and towards the end of this week is supposed to have the last trigger. yay!) one of the things that happens (IF i push myself to power through and "stay conscious" — more on that in a bit) is that i faint. like. not "faint for a couple minutes." nahhhh! i go out for like 10-40 minutes; normally the max is 20. but occasionally, a 40 minute episode'll occur and those are the scary ones.

on tuesday, i had a doctor appointment with my cardiologist pertaining to said migraines and fainting. while waiting to check in, i passed out and fell (i was standing at the time). and the staff and nurses were worried i hit my head so they called for an ambulance to drive me across the street to the hospital ER. i was there all afternoon and almost all night. i finally went home at 11pm. i'll spare yall of the more personal details (what tests were done, the overall experience, etc). all i'll say is that there's a reason why i hate hospitals and needles.

but the visit was long and tedious and terrifying and painful. i cried several times, as well as fainted a few more times between when i came to just as the paramedics arrived and a little after the technicians performed EKGs, etc. [like they usually do whenever someone is first admitted to the ER]. those fainting episodes were only a few minutes tho. not long at all. don't worry!

*sighs* anyway. that visit defined my entire week tho bc i ended up missing a day of work on thursday and a korean language class on wednesday. still felt the usual symptoms (most likely the aftermath) like dizziness, nausea, a heavy, sluggish feeling, soreness/headaches, loss of eyesight, etc.

hope this explanation helps??? i'll get back to writing and gaming soon. aaaaa i have a guaranteed yelan to get ready for anyway. heehee

EDIT: i forgot to add that yall shouldnt worry too much! sorry if i scared yall! these migraines and fainting episodes aren't manageable yet. even tho i can go to work sometimes, i cant drive, take horseback riding lessons (i used to take them), and go to/continue college,,,, i've had them since 2013?? 2014?? and am on medication for them as well as going to a neurologist and cardiologist who are both monitoring my condition and trying to help me and get them manageable so i can do all the aforementioned things i said i can't do.

also, it's not as uncommon as i seem to make it to be. several celebrities (look up Ben Affleck migraines) have chronic migraines, as well as several families/people/co-workers also have or have dealt with chronic migraines and passing out due to them. my own mom and older brother — altho they aren't biologically related to me — also have bad/chronic migraines. my family actually make jokes about my migraines and say i'm a walking barometer lol if anyone lives in the northeastern U.S. text me and check if a storm is coming. lol i can most likely tell you; if i migraine than yes. if i don't than no. lol /j but all jokes aside,,, again. don't worry too much for me. ok? i'm still functioning even if it's at low-HP/hu tao levels (a little genshin/gamer joke/comparison for yall). i'm still shino/em, someone who is so in love with jamil and xiao and rindou that they'll devote all their time and resources to taking care of them. heehee! ❤️❤️

[royalbabble]

i don't know if dishonored has motion blur but maybe that's whats causing the dizziness? A lot of people feel like that when playing games, so you're not alone, you kind of need to "build some resistance", microdosing until you can play for a longer time, there is a lot of tips online that have helped me with it like playing in a well lit room and low mouse sensitivity.

I've never been able to really pin down exactly what triggers my motion sickness. For the longest time, I just thought First-Person games were completely inaccessible to me.

Then I played Slime Rancher just fine and thought "Oh ok maybe it's the depth of field/FOV/motion blur," and while that did help in something like Skyrim, it wasn't a perfect fix since I still got nauseous partway through, but it did help a little.

And THEN I thought "well maybe it's the size of the screen" because I noticed that while I can play hand-helds for hours with no problems, its when a screen is any larger that it starts to get rough. I originally played the Xbox versions of Skyrim and Minecraft and BOTH of them gave me extreme migraines.

But I've recently played through Kingdom Hearts on my new TV and I played Monster Hunter: World on PC just fine, so I have no clue if screen-size is even a factor at this point.

My point in all this is that my body hates me and it's up to the whims of the gamer gods to determine if I can even withstand a game's presentation. THAT BEING SAID: I've been watching a longplay of Dishonored by Zevik for a few hours, and for SOME reason, watching this particular playthrough isn't bothering my eyes.

I sincerely could not tell you what my brain's problem is. It honestly feels completely random if a game will fuck with my eyes or not.

[vkr-kayne]

I used to regularly have migraines with extreme symptoms and I just want to add onto op’s points and into detail about 1: other possible symptoms, 2: the timeline of a migraine, and 3: how they feel compared to regular headaches. The first time I had one I genuinely thought I was dying LMAO so maybe this could help someone identify it if they ever go through something similar. This is largely based on personal and familial experience so it’s by no means comprehensive

1. Additional symptoms: vision loss/tunnel vision/grayouts‚ numbness (particularly around the face, tongue, hands, and extremities)‚ body aches, vertigo‚ motion sickness & vomiting

For me my vision is severely impacted and it starts with tunneling vision, where everything under my natural sightline disappears. Flashing auras start off to the side and slowly increase in intensity, spreading from one side to the other. Things like reading and making out faces become extremely difficult. This all looks similar to our eyes’ natural blind spot except Across The Whole FOV. In worst cases basically all I can see is gray flickering static everywhere except for one corner of my vision. The auras are still present even with eyes closed (which sucks ass)

Nausea and motion sickness usually only kick in if I move around too much once the migraine starts. Because my vision and balance get totally screwed, trying to walk around or (god forbid) drive makes everything worse.

2: Timeline of a migraine (in my experience)

0-10 mins: faint auras and tunnel vision, evolves into full vision loss within 10 minutes. I usually notice the migraine creeping up and immediately go somewhere quiet to lie down for the next few hours

10-20 mins: hands and nose/mouth get tingly, eventually going completely numb. Mild headache and “metallic” feeling around face

20-60mins: vision problems slowly normalize, and feeling gradually returns to numb areas. Headache becomes severe

1-5hrs: headache stays constant. Nausea and vertigo are at their worst if I moved around too much early on

5+ hrs: headache becomes tolerable. Brain fog kicks in and makes basic decision-making & communication take more effort. There are lingering auras in vision and faint tingling in areas that were numb before. Overall more sensitive to sensory stimuli

2-4 days: same lingering symptoms that slowly become milder before fully vanishing

3: Migraines vs. Other Headaches

The best way I can describe migraines is like a sharp, electric pain, as if something metallic is near my sinuses and teeth. If you’ve ever experienced an electrical shock it’s similar to the sensation after the initial zap. Or, if you amplified the feeling of hitting your funny bone and moved it from your elbow to your head- it’s that sort of hitting-a-nerve sensation. It’s less throbbing in my experience and more like rolling waves. It’s strongest toward the front of my skull and usually worse on one side than the other. The pain is highly acute and doesn’t diminish much when changing position/environment

Regular headaches, meanwhile, tend to be a more dull pain. It usually feels like there’s high pressure in a part of my head. Instinctually I seek out a way to relieve said pressure, or to relax and release tension I might’ve been holding subconsciously. Drinking water and taking pain medicine almost always help. There are usually ways to find immediate relief of some sort, regardless of cause.

With headaches, sleeping can make the pain pass quickly (or make it disappear entirely). However with migraines, if I try sleeping through it’s like it pauses and resumes right where it left off once I wake up.

Regarding causes and treatments, I found my biggest personal triggers to be related to my diet and posture/nerve irritation. I made note of what I did leading up to migraines and noticed some patterns with certain foods. Artificial sweeteners (like in sweet tea) and nitrates/canned foods are my big triggers, so cutting back on those has helped greatly. For my dad, both alcohol and caffeine can cause them in excess so he consumes them in moderation. The other big cause for me, neck strain, largely comes from carrying things with bad posture- my most recent migraine was after a camera op gig with a shoulder mount, during which I held the shoulder mount too high up on my neck. The extra weight and pulling there caused a migraine immediately after the event. Being more mindful of my posture especially when carrying anything has made migraines far less common.

I hope most people never have to experience migraines to this degree at all, much less monthly like I used to, but just as OP said please please know there are treatments out there. Whether that means seeing specialized doctors or just taking time to identify your own common triggers, there are options. No one should have to endure chronic pain regardless of severity

okay i don't mean to be dramatic but it's downright evil how doctors (don't) treat people with chronic headaches

[slowpoke-fics]

Migraine

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Dean x reader, platonic Sam x Reader

Summary: reader is scared to let the boys in and tell them about the chronic migraines she suffers from, after a hunt the truth comes out and you're shocked with how they respond

Warnings: smut, no a too whole lot, two paragraphs on 3000 words, nothing too triggering I think, medicine, as always, I might have missed something read at your o w n risk

A/N: It might be a little long, tbh I dont know what a long/short fic looks like but it's def one I could've split and didn't. I really enjoyed writing this one, am having a little bit of a block after writing six fics in a day. shout out to my first smut in at least five years.

You had been hunting with Sam and Dean for a couple of months, finally feeling like you had earned your place. You didn't feel comfortable letting them know your weaknesses, which is why you didn't tell them you had migraines. You were able to cover for the most part, hiding it from the family you've come to know quite well. Most of the time. Sometimes you just couldn't, the pain overbearing and you just had to stay in bed all day, "It's just cramps." You lied to the boys, who assumed that you were covering your face and curled up like a child because of your embarrassment and pain. Sooner or later they will find out, and that's just what happened on this witch hunt.

You were the first one back into the motel, just wanting to lie down, Sam and Dean following suit. Dean slammed the door, causing you to jump with a jolt of pain to your head, reminding you of the already particularly bad headache you had. Thank god you'd be home soon. You went into the bathroom, wanting to shower after a long day of hunting the witch down, turning the lights off as you shut the door, you sighed, the pain growing. You turned the shower on, making it just a little warm, undressing and sitting down, putting your knees close to yourself, held together by your crossed arms with your head on your knees just enjoying the relief the water brings you.

You must've lost track of time because the next thing you hear is Dean, pounding on the bathroom door, basically screaming, "Y/n, damn, we want hot water!" You groaned, "Fuck off Dean! I'll be out in a minute," you shouted, much harsher than you wanted. You heard Dean grumble but couldn't understand it. Ignoring him, you finished washing your body, head already hurting bad enough it was too much to have to stand and wash, worried you might puke if you moved around more than you needed.

You came out of the shower, laying on the bed, closing your eyes, waiting to leave when you heard Sam speak up. "Did you get hurt and not tell us?" You rolled your eyes, then rose up and looked at Sam. "What?" You were confused, why would you not tell them if you got hurt? You looked over your body for any marks as Dean spoke, "Why else would you take so damn long?" You glared at him, "Sorry, I guess I won't enjoy my showers anymore." You laid back down, Dean looked at you with a pang of guilt you didn't see. He was just, in his own way, trying to check on you.

When both Sam and Dean had showered, you packed up your stuff, not caring if you left anything behind, you led out the door, crawling into the backseat of the impala. As you started rolling out, you realized it was going to be a long trip when the first wave of nausea hit you. Leaning into the window, enjoying the cold, you closed your eyes, knowing sleep would not come.

About two hours into the trip back to the bunker, after not saying a single word, you finally spoke up. "Dean," he looked at you through the rearview mirror, "pull the car over, Sam you gotta let me out." Dean was a little shocked, "What," he said quickly. "Pull the car over, before I hurl in your baby." At that, the car near immediately stopped, Sam quickly allowing you to get out. Almost as soon as your foot hit the ground, before you were even all the way out of the car, vomit spewed from your mouth. Sam was rubbing your back, not sure why you were sick, as you'd never gotten car sick.

Dean got out of the car, circling it to come to your side, worry written all over his face. Dean replaced Sam, Dean whispering something to him that you couldn't hear over the splashing on the road. You heard the car door shut, and felt Dean pull your hair back. Once you were done, Dean, helping you raise up, asked, "What's going on?" You looked at him, worry still plastered on his face.

"Nothing, I just got car sick," still feeling like you could throw up, you took a deep breath. The pain of your headache intensified by the fit. Dean laughed a little, "You've never gotten car sick in your life," shaking his head and adding, "I mean," down to a whisper, "are you pregnant?" You had to laugh a little, regretting as pain soared through your head, "No, Dean, why would you even ask that?"

"Well, in the same night you take an hour longer showering than you usually do and vomit on the side of the road." He smirked, reminiscing, "I mean after our encounter a couple of months ago-" You had to interrupt him, "We fucked once, I also recall telling you I was on birth control." Dean chuckled, "What can I say? I've got strong swimmers." Smug son of a bitch. "I'm not, can we please just go home? I got car sick, it happens."

Dean got very serious, "Not until you tell me what's going on, I'm worried now." Silently panicking, afraid that if you told them you had chronic migraines they'd think you couldn't go on hunts and you'd be alone again, but really not wanting him to worry, you finally spoke up, "It's just a migraine." Dean's face contorted in confusion, "A migraine? Since when do you get migraines?" You looked away from him, toward the trees lining the side of the road, "They're chronic, I've had them for years." Deans face softened, he reached for his passenger door and opened it for you, allowing you to crawl in.

"You all right?" Sam spoke from the backseat, thankful you didn't have to crawl back there again. You just nodded, bringing your knees to your chest and lying back against the window with your eyes closed. Dean started the car and after a few minutes he couldn't keep his mouth shut, "Why didn't you just tell us?" Sam didn't say anything, also wanting to know why this was such a big deal for you to keep a secret.

You took a sharp breath in, not moving a muscle, not even looking at them, "I was afraid you'd tell me I couldn't hunt with you guys anymore." Dean looks at sam through the rearview, the guilt on Sams face matching his own, "We would never-" Dean gripped the wheel a little tighter, "We would have worked around them, so you can be home when they're this bad. It wouldn't be puking on the side of the road horrible." Dean shook his head, reaching across to you to rub your arm, you looked at him, and he jerked his head in a come here motion. You did as you were told, starting to scoot over, he redirected your movements so your head was in his lap. His fingers running through your hair, his hand finding the back of your neck apply just a tiny bit of pressure right at the base of your skull, rubbing up and down softly, alleviating some of the pain, somehow letting you sleep the remaining trip.

When you woke up Sam was already out of the car, Dean opening your door you sleepily sat at the edge of the seat, head throbbing. Putting your hand on your forehead, elbow on the back of his bench seat, eyes still closed, you felt Dean pull your hands to his neck. "No," you jerked back, eyes filled with tears at how bad the morning light was making you feel, "I can walk." Dean huffed, "Shut up and let me carry you." You resigned and put your arms around his neck, laying your head in the crook of his neck, loving how he smelled.

You noticed as he carried you in, every single light that could be out, was. Sam must've done that for you. Opening the door to his room, you started to protest, "Shhh," he gently laid you on the bed and pulled the covers up for you, "just let me." Dean left the room, you're not sure where, but there was a pang of sadness in your chest, wanting to be near him. He came back and placed a cool rag on the back of your neck and one on your forehead, he touched your lips, slowly dragging his thumb over your lips, speaking softly, "Open up, let this pill dissolve on your tongue okay? It might be a little nasty, but it'll help." You took the pill, as it started to dissolve you scrunched up your face at the nasty taste, causing Dean to chuckle.

Dean headed to he door, it was now or never, "Will-" you started and your voice broke a little, you're not sure out of embarrassment or pain, "will you stay?" Dean smiled at you, coming to the side of the bed, crawling under the covers with you, "As long as you want me." You rolled over to him, laying your head on his chest as he put his arm around you. He started playing with your hair, running his fingers up and down your arm.

You wanted to be able to properly enjoy this, but your head hurt so bad. After about fifteen minutes you couldn't help but cry, silently, wanting the headache to go away. Dean noticed, feeling his damp shirt, he didn't say anything, just kissed your head. "They're not normally this bad," you sniffled, "I can usually push through them." Dean started rubbing your back, knowing how nervous you were to tell them, not really understanding why you'd believe they would say you couldn't hunt with them. "Y/n," he contemplated on what to say.

"You don't have to hide anything from us, you don't have to push through them, if you're in pain it's okay, we all have our faults, you don't ever have to be afraid that we'd tell you to leave. You're our family now, we need you. I need you." Your heart skipped a beat, did he really need you? In what way does he need you? "What do you mean?" Dean had to admit it, had to come clean, now or never.

"I don't mean just hunts," you looked up at him, shocked, tear stained eyes which broke his heart. He gently cupped your face, leaning forward and bringing his lips to yours, you instantly responded, pressing into the kiss, letting him slip his tongue into your mouth, he pulled back, "God you taste better than ever." You laughed, laying your head back down, "Okay, I understand." He couldn't do chick flic, it was hard enough for him to say he needed you, but he needed you to know.

Sam came in, replacing your rags, "You want some more medicine?" You nodded, pushing your hand on Dean's chest so he knew he couldn't get up. "Sammy, she'd love that but doesn't want me to get up." Sam laughed, your cheeks flushing, "No problem, Y/n." Dean placed his hand on yours, "I feel like a bath might help, I can run you one." You shrugged, "lotta work." Dean copied your shrug, "Not really, just gotta start the water and put the bubbles in." You instantly responded, talking over him, "Not you, me," you pause and lifted your head to looked at him, eyebrow cocked, "bubbles? I don't have bubbles?" Dean laughed heartily, "Not you, me. My bubbles and my work, I'll do it all, nothing I ain't seen before." He winked at you, smug bastard. You laid your head back down on his chest, shrugging again.

Sam came back, Dean lifting his hand up to take the medicine from Sam as you lifted yourself up and grabbed the cup from him, "It's coffee, it might help." You couldn't turn to face him, didn't want to, "Thank you so much." Sam smiled, but you couldn't see, "Of course, anything." You heard the door close softly as you took your place back on Dean, resting the cup on his chest.

After a few minutes after you had taken the medicine, Dean slid from underneath you, taking the coffee cup, causing you to groan in displeasure. Dean chuckled, and headed toward the bathroom. Once in there he lit a singular candle, started the water, and put the bubbles in. Coming back to you he wrapped his arms around your waist, letting you move your limbs to where they needed to be.

He sat you down on the bathroom sink, while he took his shirt off you removed your own. He reached behind you, unclasping your bra and pulling it off you. Dean wanted to tell you how gorgeous you were, wanted to touch you, but he knew you were more than not up for it. He knows when to be respectful and when to be downright filthy. You slid off the counter, you pushed your pants down, just enough so they could effortlessly fall off of you.

Dean stepped into the tub first, holding his hand out to you. You happily took it, just wanting to lie back down. Dean put your back to him, wrapping an arm around you he slunk to the ground, water splashing lightly. He pulled you back to him, allowing you to lay your head back on him. His fingers found their way to your scalp, applying a small amount of pressure, taking some of your pain. You had no idea that the Dean Winchester could be this, soft.

You just laid there with Dean, letting the water sooth you, letting Dean make this better. You couldn't think, just lay. You don't know how long you laid there, laid in complete silence with Dean taking care of you. "Do you want me to touch you?" Dean spoke, barely loud enough that you could hear him, you hummed, wordlessly asking what he meant. "I did some research while we were in the bed, lots of women have said that masturbating can seriously help." Still speaking softly, making sure that you weren't going to get overstimulated. You thought for a minute, all the times that you had touched yourself in hopes for the pain to lessen-all the times it worked. "Mhmm." Dean just continued rubbing your scalp, "Say it." A twinge of need pooled inside you, "Touch me Dean, I want it."

Dean needed no further encouragement, he needed to know this is what you wanted, needed you to admit it. He wasted no time, slowly working his hands to your nipples, fingers teasing, tickling their way to touch you. He twirled your nipples between his thumb and index finer, gently pulling them up, eliciting a whimper from you. "Don't worry good girl, I'm gonna make you feel better." Deans hands trailed to your waist, pulling you up a couple of inches, giving him better access.

Dean's right hand tiptoed to your clit, gently rubbing your bundle of nerves, rubbing circles until your hips bucked forward, wanting more. Dean's left hand moving to your lower stomach, resting lazily. You opened your eyes and stared into his eyes, a soft moan falling from your lips, "More." Dean smirked, quickly raising his left hand to push your head back, nonverbally communicating for you to rest, just enjoy this, then returning his hand to it's home.

Dean's thick fingers slid inside you with a thrilling stretch, you gasped, forgetting how good he filled you up. "Good girl, I know you can take it," Dean started to pump his fingers slowly, curling them upwards to hit just the right spot. "Mmmm," you hummed, almost singing, "please." Dean sped up, his fingers hitting your g-spot, palm rubbing your clit, you clenched tightly around him, slowing him down but making him damn near growl. You bucked your hips forward, panting, squeezing his wrist with one hand and grabbing the side of the tub with the other. "Gonna make you cum," Dean nipped your earlobe, a whimper. "Gonna show you that you need me," moved to your neck, a moan. "Gonna remind you what it feels like to gush around me," another nibble, another kiss. A desperate desire pooled in your belly, pussy clenching, clit throbbing. "You gonna cum for me? Cum on my fingers like a good girl?" Dean pressed his left hand down, the pressure sending you over the edge, you spasmed around his fingers, legs shaking, juices leaking out of you and into the tub. He let you ride it out, until your legs had calmed and you had stopped pulsating around his fingers. He moved his hands back to your scalp, continuing the previous scalp massage.

You tried to catch your breath, his thick cock resting between your legs, you could almost see it throb. You reached in-between your legs, starting to pump his cock but he moved your hand. "No," he kissed your lips, then your forehead, "once you're feeling better we can discuss it." You moved your hand to rest on his thigh, "can we just lay here a minute?" He hummed in approval, letting you close your eyes and enjoy the moment of bliss.

After awhile, you had almost fallen asleep, Dean started to get up, slowly dragging himself out of the tub careful not to disturb you too much. Once Dean had found the towel in the under lit room he reached his hand to you, helping you stand up. You stepped out of the tub, reaching for the towel but he pulls it just out of your reach. Dean sighs, "You may feel a little better but I still want to take care of you," starting to pat you dry, making sure to get the dripping tips of your beautiful hair, "I want to, please let me." You let him finish drying you off, let him slip his own shirt and boxers on you, wondering when he'd have gotten them. You even let him carry you back to his bed. Once he laid down, you were immediately beside him, filling the perfect spot next to him. "Sleep." He commanded, it was not a suggestion, and you did.

When you woke up, your back was facing Dean, his chest pressed to you, arm wrapped tightly around you like you'd run. You turned a little to look at his sleeping form, surprised when his eyes fluttered open, "Mornin', any better?" You turned towards him, placing your leg between his, your own arm underneath his and wrapped around him, "Manageable." You laid there, for how long you weren't sure. Eventually Dean spoke up, "We should go get some breakfast." You nodded, reluctantly rolling to the side of his bed, swinging your legs over.

You and Dean walked to the kitchen, Sam already cooking, hearing you cross the threshold into the kitchen he spun around. Upon realizing you guys had gotten up he immediately grabbed the coffee pot and filled up the cup sitting next to a few pills on the counter and creamer. You gently chuckled, "What a saint," you slapped Deans arm. "I told you," Dean started as you sat down and he moved to get his own cup of coffee, "we could've helped you manage."

You started fiddling your thumbs, not able to look at the boys, "I know-sigh-I was afraid, I'm sorry, I know it's dumb but-" looking to Dean, "I was afraid I'd be too much, lose the family I've come to love. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." Sam turned to you, pausing from the breakfast. "It's not dumb, Y/n. If you're hurting, if you're struggling, if you're afraid, we face it together, all three of us. Because you're right, we're family, and you belong here. Your problems are ours." Dean beside you now, hand placed on your back, thumb drawing small figure eight's, "We can help you, face anything this hellhole throws at us, stick together and say fuck it together," a kiss placed on your lips, pressing into you with loving force, "you just have to let me."

[ka-writes]

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Notes: READ WARNINGS!!

Please I really want you to be safe.. anyways, this is mainly a set up for the next chapter.. it has a shit ton of angst prepare yourself.

Also am very sorry it is late!! ‘‘Twas very hard for me to start writing it, btw I started another AU please go check it out, thank you <3

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Warning: Torture I go into detail, gore, cussing manipulation, characters lose sense of reality.

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In case you missed:

Chapter 1:

Chapter 6:

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Inspired by:

Humans are Space Velociraptors

By:FreshRoses_InMyGarden_NeedTheRain

Some kids come from storks, others come from crashed spaceships

By: mmmajora

Home Again, Home Again

By: teeth_eater

All works can be found on Ao3

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Ao3 link for this work:

And my other AU:

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Change 7: This is a dream… right?

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He was back where he started this whole thing.

In a cage.

One cage over from the door and now in the middle of the room. It felt empty and bare, yet full of an uncomfortable sense of dread and fear, though he would never admit that aloud.

This time there was only one other cage in sight. The room had changed as well. It was no longer covered in grime, or smelled of blood. Instead it was a sickly white and smelled of rubbing alcohol. Which caused his nose to burn with the overwhelming scent of the cleaning supplies, making the entirety of the room feel more and more like one of those horror stories in hospitals, the only difference being that this one was real.

The thing that replaced the other cages and humans was an operating table with vials and tools that Tommy couldn’t identify.

There were no lights currently, except for the same small door window, which was the only thing that really stayed the same.

It was cold, it felt empty. There was no description fit for the amount of dread Tommy felt. It was built up after laying in the dark for so long. It burned his gut and made his head swirl with thoughts of what would happen next.

He wouldn’t ever admit he was scared, but the situation kinda explained itself.

Without warning the door swung open. No squeaks like last time, just a smooth motion allowing the room to be basked in yellow light from the hall.

Then the lights turned on, immediately causing Tommy to shut his eyes. His head started throbbing and every fiber in his body screamed at him to run. The lights turned into blurry blinding blobs that lit everything in a white fire, making it apparent that the room was indeed scrubbed of any stains or blood. Once his eyes finally adjusted, his migraine caught up to him, making the entire thing unbearable.

“Hello there!” An alien stepped in the room. Their features were outlined in white and their skin wasn’t even recognized, simply because it looked like a shadow. They had claw-like hands and wore glasses over their white to red eyes. They had a black doctor’s coat and wore black pants with white knee high boots. They had a devilish tail along with devil horns and a floating white halo. Their fangs poked out from a blinding white mouth, which was curved into a practiced smile.

“My name is BadBoyHalo, but you will refer to me as Dr. Halo.” They finished with a sickly sweet tone and a side smile, “My pronouns are he/him, and I will be taking care of what happens while you’re here.. not that you will ever leave of course.”

His mind was racing. Everything told him this was real, but he couldn’t help but pray that it was all a sick dream.

“Now we will start off easy and move onto the harder stuff later! Please refrain from trying to run, we have a shock function attached to your translators.” This caught him off guard. Why was he using plural tenses?

He looked towards the other cage, that’s when he noticed the strange bee alien also wearing a petrified expression. His eyes didn’t wander to the other cage, only watching Dr. Halo.

“Now who do we start with?” The doctor asked, even though he clearly already knew. A twisted smile shone on his face letting the light catch the awfully amused glint in his eyes, “Let’s start with the droneling!”

——————

There was no explanation for where the two went.

They simply vanished. No traces to follow or reasons to run.

The only logical explanation was Dream catching them. Which meant Techno would have to ask around for where the ship was harboring. The only problem being, he was awful at talking to people.

“So what do you wanna know?” A tall Wollylock person asked, she was the only known person to know anything about Dream, being his mother and all.

“Er- information on the Dream Team Ship.” Techno stated rather awkwardly.

“Why?” The captain asked, impatience clearly visible with her expression.

“They took two starlings from my crew.” At that the captain practically fumed with furry.

“I will help. After all, that boy needs to learn some manners.” The captain stated, her determination was infectious. “What is your craft’s name?”

“The SBI Craft, piloted by captain Philza.” He said robotically.

“Course it has to be Phil. That man has what, four kids he claimed to his crew..”

“Technically, I am not a kid, neither is Wil- Er our scientist, so really he’s only harboring three kids, now one since two were taken..” Techno decided that was the best explanation he could come up with, though there was really no point.

The captain chuckled and brushed off the other’s attempts at defending the crew. “Just send me the ship’s cords and your captain’s contact and I will be in touch.” With that the captain slid a communicator over the table and walked out of the sketchy bar.

Techno made his way back to the ship and delivered his captain the news. He tried to ignore the gut feeling that everything was wrong…

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(The next section has graphics depictions of torture and gore, please skip this section if it could or will trigger you in any way, there is a summary at the end. Thank you <3)

The world moved unbearably slow. The cage opened ever so smoothly, making him want to throw up. It was the sign that everything was going to go to hell.

That’s what this has to be right? A hellish nightmare that wasn’t real..

No that wasn’t right..

Did it matter?

A hand yanked his wrist out of the cage and into the blinding white room, that felt like fire surrounding him as he stepped to the operating table.

Needles and scalpels were set neatly on a silver tray. The restraints were heavy and felt like they burned his wrists and ankles. He was pushed onto the table as the ‘doctor’ slapped on gloves. More restraints were clipped over his waist and thighs.

Then something pinched his leg. He felt the blood rushing it’s way down to the cut, as a scalpel carved out a rectangle. He could hear scissors cutting something, and distant screams… were they from him?

He didn’t know at this point. More agonizing cuts on his legs along with a couple of needle pin marks.. a couple snaps of an illusion disk and a bit of writing, on both his skin and paper..

He couldn’t really feel anything after the first one, only simply knowing that his body was reacting to the pain yet his brain hadn’t quite caught up with reality.

It was like he wasn’t exactly controlling his body, just simply existing in the dream-like state. Time didn’t exist there, neither did recognition of the pain. Emotions ran wild. Turning all of his thoughts sour as he attempted to remember what happened.

It wasn’t until the doctor un-clipped him and put him back into the cage that he noticed the other.

That’s who did this to him. That’s the person that pushed him through pain.

The human wore a terrified expression as the doctor took him out for his turn.

He couldn’t help but smile at the other’s pain. The other deserved it..

Right?

(If you skipped this, Tubbo got tortured and blamed Tommy for the situation.)

——————

“IT’S BEEN A FUCKING MONTH! And you still haven’t found your son’s damn ship?!” The man on the other line was furious, and rightfully so.

Puffy undoubtedly understood the anger the man had. I mean she had been in the situation before when her youngest was kidnapped by another crew of pirates. The only difference in this situation was she was fighting against her son, her duckling… when did her duckling turn sour?

“You’re right about that, Phil. I can assure you Niki is doing everything in her power to track them down, along with Jack.” Jack joined the team after Puffy met Niki.

She must admit that having someone working in the ISF had its perks. Though no one could fully trust him. For good reason of course.

“Ponk is ‘talking’ to Sam, he sure as hell ain’t cracking yet.” She finished bitterly, “Like I said Quakity is waiting for his monthly letter from his fiancé, which would hopefully give us a clue at where to look.”

“I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that it’s been a month.. Wilbur said the humans barely last a full week if they aren’t treated..” The worry was lining his face and causing the bags under his eyes to look more like nasty black eyes. His face was sullen making it apparent the man hadn’t been eating properly. His wings ruffled at every noise and he seemed to be running purely on coffee. Puffy wanted nothing more than to return the man’s unofficial sons back to him.

——————

Everything was great!

The plan worked perfectly, and Sam hadn’t cracked yet.

Meaning he could easily start on the next faze. The only issue would be he’d have to gain both of the starling’s trust.

Even if the present was a bitter reality lined with things that would annoy him, the end result would be worth it.

Having a human and a nuke expert by his side would allow him to have everything he ever wanted.

Power.

Not just power, but all the things that came with it. He wouldn’t be questioned again, and everything and anything he said would be the final word.

It would be hell for those who crossed him, and even worse for those who abandoned him.

Wilbur, Sam, Ant, Quackity, Foolish, and even mother dearest, Puffy. They would all pay for their disloyalty. Once this is all over, they would never cross him again.

I mean he did give up everything to gain this life.

There was nothing to lose and everything to win, and he’d be damned if he didn’t win.

I mean he sold his soul for this!

It was all worth it.. right?

Of course it is. Stop doubting me child.

——————

28 days of torture, and now they were sitting with their captors playing house.

It was wrong. So utterly wrong.

“Eat your food Tommy.” The captain commanded.

Tommy complied not wanting to go back in the cage. Every day he woke up there, more things were shoved into him and more pain was given.

“You too Tubbo.” The command was given and the other complied, the same fear visibly shown.

“Reports.” Dream stated sternly, the rest of the crew compiled without hesitation.

It was a bunch of regular reports of how no one knew where they were, what supplies needed to be restocked, the current condition of the ship, and any developments with the news. A bunch of boring bullshit. He bit back any sarcastic remarks that threatened to spill, but refrained in fear of what they would do to him.

The crew was dismissed leaving Tubbo, Tommy, and Dream alone.

“I want both of you to listen.” Dream started his tone raising all hairs on the back of Tommy’s neck, “Phil and his crew led you to us. They didn’t comply the first time and poisoned your minds. We did the right thing, and fixed you. Now, there are some rules you have to follow. You may not wander the ship, only go anywhere with one of the crew members. You will both share a room and follow the same schedule. Anything you do that is not an order deserves a punishment, for it is proof of what the other crew poisoned you with. Now! Go to your room, it has a black door.” With that the man finished and the pair headed towards their room.

The speech sounded right, yet felt wrong. But everything was justified, therefore it was fine. Plus the worrying was just a problem for future Tommy, maybe that’s what Dream meant by the other crew poisoning him.

The other said nothing as they entered the room, only fixing Tommy with a bitter gaze which turned into something of confusion. Neither one slept, they couldn’t bring it in themselves to sleep, especially since Dream hadn’t told them to.

Instead both of them settled into a silence as they lay on their bed, only getting up when the man told them too. This was all they could really do as they faced their new reality. Slowly but surely their brains began to believe every word of the speech. Finally when the man asked to join him, a bubbly sickly joy gave them the grace to finally help their rescuer.

Six months after the initial capture, one month of torture and five months of vigorous training, consisting of fighting, weapon design, and hours of studying blueprints, they were finally able to go on their first mission with their rescuer, not questioning anything any of the crew said at this point. Sick months of training and they became living weapons ready for whatever the cruel world threw at them…

This is a dream.. right?

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Chapter 7- End

Words: 2221

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Notes:

Hahahaha I am in pain from writing this... please bare with me.. ;-;

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Dream is being a manipulative bastard... I mean the character. More specifically my take on Dream’s character in this situation... ahhhhh

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I hope you’re staying safe, don’t forget to take care of yourself!! <3 also likes are appreciated but reblogs are always better! <3

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[teachingtales]

Migraines

I am writing this for those of you who:

don’t have migraines, but know someone who does and want to know more

don’t have migraines, but may develop them later

do have migraines and don’t really know how to tell other people about them, so you can find some phrases that may help here (or just link them)

My mother had migraines, and I never did. I remember asking her what it was like, and was told, “It’s like a really bad headache.” In no way did that prepare me for migraines. I started getting them after getting disabled in the Marines with neurological issues. I honestly thought I was having a brain aneurysm or something. Was I dying? Is there a parasite boring through my brain and trying to find its way outside of my skull? 

It turned out to be a migraine. 

Later on, I lost strength in my left side. I was confused, dizzy. Is this a stroke? I went to the veterans hospital. Nope, it’s “just” another form of migraine. Uh...cool?

What is a migraine?

Unlike regular headaches that have many causes, migraines are a neurological disorder. You may have another neurological disorder that also produces migraines, or your neurological disorder may produce migraines as the primary problem. Migraines affect about 10% of the population, making them the most common neurological disorder. 

How can I tell if I get migraines?

Being the giant nerd I am, I looked up the etymology of the word and it comes from Greek. The original word is “hemikrania”, with “hemi” as “half” and “kranion” is “skull”, and you can see that over time the “he” part was dropped off. 

While there are lots of different symptoms of a migraine, this is actually one of the most defining symptoms...that’s probably why they chose this name. The head pain will happen only in half of your skull, either the left side or right side. A single migraine event can switch sides, but they won’t hurt at the same time. I usually get migraines on my left side, but occasionally they happen on the right instead. I’d say it’s about 95-5 for the split. 

A friend asked me if having them on the right side was any better or worse, and it’s a great question. The answer is: they still suck the same way, just on the other side. Although I will say that they’re almost worse in a way, because I have my habits to compensate for my left-side migraines and have to alter all of those habits. It’s not terribly annoying, objectively-speaking, but when you’re in the middle of a migraine it is annoying.

If you experience severe pain on half of your head, see a doctor. You probably are having a migraine.

What is it like to have a migraine? What are the symptoms?

This is what I wish I knew going into them. The pain severity can be “oh this really sucks” to “aslasfoiafjagjglkagnlgfjajwoi”, and I use that keyboard smash because when the pain is severe you can barely talk. Think of getting a brain freeze. You know how you stop doing everything to address the pain in your head that’s suddenly there? Imagine that level of pain for several hours. This is what it’s like to have a severe pain migraine. You can’t think of anything else, you can’t even sleep. 

While “really frickin’ bad head pain” is what most people know about for a migraine, there really are tons of other symptoms. As a neurological condition, it can cause syptoms like:

nausea and vomiting

diarrhea 

diarrhea and vomiting together

sudden dizziness (for anyone that’s been blackout drunk, it’s like that period right before you black out, where you’re really dizzy), and you end up walking in a swaying motion, sometimes falling down or falling into walls...it really looks like you’re drunk

loss of coordination, so it’s hard to do things like open a small package or tie your shoes

loss of strength in arm, hand, leg, and/or foot, making it difficult to walk

change in perception of temperature, including wild swings between shivering shaking cold and sweating hot

sensitivity to everything: lights, smells, sounds, tastes, touches...all of these increase the symptoms you’re already feeling

confusion or “brain fog”, which lead to things like you losing your train of thought mid-sentence, forgetting what you’re doing while you’re doing it, inability to focus, difficulty talking

slurred speech (sounds like you’re quite drunk)

suddenly feeling incredibly tired

slipping into sleep  without warning when seated or lying down (not great during commutes on the bus or subway)

changes in vision, such as blurred vision, changes in color perception, seeing “auras” around things, missing one eye’s vision, or having chunks of your vision missing

Sometimes you know when you’re about to get a migraine. This is called “prodrome”, but since most people don’t know this term I just call it a “starter migraine” or “I’m on the edge of a migraine.” If you can catch yourself in this period, you may be able to prevent the migraine with medication. The prodrome period depends on the person and takes a while to get used to, and you won’t always get them. Sometimes you just HEY MIGRAINE, sometimes you wake up and already have a migraine. You’re not guaranteed any prior warning. 

The opposite is the “postdrome”, which I just call the “after-effects of the migraine” because most people don’t know what “postdrome” is. As you can see from the symptoms, it’s quite intense. As a result, you’re left exhausted, drained, sometimes sore, and often feeling a bit vulnerable, like anything you do will cause you pain or bring the return of the migraine. Even though the migraine is over, you still can’t get back to your normal activities. It depends on the person, but it can be quite common to experience the postdrome. As with the prodrome, you may not have this. 

What triggers a migraine?

What is so frustrating about migraines is that there are so, so many triggers, and they’re often inconsistent. Sometimes, they’re even opposing. 

caffeine can help during a migraine, but too much caffeine without having a migraine can trigger a migraine; and sometimes caffeing during a migraine makes it worse

chocolate can trigger a migraine but I personally have not experienced this

strong cheeses can trigger a migraine, but as with chocolate I never experienced this

 low blood sugar due to skipped meals can trigger a migraine 

too much sugar can trigger a migraine

changes in air pressure 

changes in humidity

dehydration

too much exercise 

not enough exercise

moving around too much

too much lying down or sitting

stress is a common trigger

cold, such as cold weather or cold items touching the skin

running/jogging

bright lights, especially flashing lights

loud sounds of any type (human, booming sounds, construction)

vomiting also can trigger migraines, such as if you’re sick with something else or if you have bulimia

being sick with another illness can stress out the body to trigger a migraine

I’ve had relatives ask if I can “just move to another place” to avoid things like storms, and that’s not an option. While stormy, rainy weather is a common trigger, so is bright sunshine (especially if dehydrated)...which rules out most of the world during summertime. 

I was enjoying Avengers: Endgame until I realized that the sounds and light were hurting, and I was shoved into one of the worst migraines I’ve had. I had no prior warning, I otherwise had felt fine that day, but after a couple hours of loud booming noises coupled with bright flashes, it triggered a migraine. 

As you can see, this is really a difficult thing to manage. Some people get rare or occasional migraines, but people like me have chronic migraines. “Chronic migraines” are classified as “having at least 15 per month”, but in my case I will get them daily if I don’t take my medication and do my best to avoid all these triggers. Just this morning, I woke up around 06:30 and a couple hours later a migraine came because of the weather so I went to take a nap, but that made the migraine worse because I was lying down too much. I woke up in more pain and had to go for a walk (after taking my noon medication) for it to try to subside. 

What are the treatments for migraines?

No matter which route you take, you will always have to do your lifestyle changes. This means making sure you have plenty of water, don’t skip meals, manage stress, etc. 

You can take medication. I have medication I take a few times a day, and another one I take for when I feel a migraine breaking through. If that also fails, I take an injection at home. 

You can take supplements. There are things like butterbur, magnesium, catnip, ginger, and other things. Look online and include the words “migraine study” with the supplement name. This way you can see how effective it was, and the dosage. Check the company as well to see if they’re reputable. In places like the USA, supplements are not regulated so companies may put other ingredients instead. You can also make extracts or teas with things like catnip and ginger. Send a PM if you want to know how to do that. It’s easy. 

You can get Botox. I haven’t tried this but some people swear by it. The price was out of my range and I was told that it would impede my range of motion; since I lift weights, I didn’t want to deal with that. My regular doctor told me that my migraines are managed “well enough” with medication and I can’t expect any better with Botox; in other words, it’d be a waste of my money. But if you are having problems managing yours with medication, then see if Botox works for you. 

Other treatments for migraines include:

resting in a dark room

sunglasses or yellow-lens glasses

ice pack on the pain area (or a cold pillow)

stretching (but this can increase pain in some cases)

going to sleep

drinking water

drinking caffeine (coffee, energy drink, green tea, any source is fine)

eating a small meal if you haven’t eaten yet; preferably something with sugar, like fruit or fruit juice

binaural beats (this is my sound-video of choice, but be careful because there’s a loud “BING” type of sound at the beginning)

no screen time 

removing strong smells (such as cleaning the cat’s litter box if it has feces or urine)

not eating anything with a strong flavor, and avoid spicy food

don’t wear a bra

don’t wear anything tight/snug around your waist or upper body, to include: tight waistbands, pantyhose, snug belts, corsets. If you need a belt, wear it looser than normal

If I’m at work and having a vomiting + head pain type of migraine, I will make myself a mix of electrolyte drink (like Powerade) + an energy drink and sip it. This helps get some caffeine and helps wake me up a bit, plus it helps re-hydrate me. 

Not a treatment, but apparently if you get migraines as a child or teen, finishing puberty can somehow result in your migraines stopping, so that’s cool, but it doesn’t always happen because migraines are apparently a gift from some kind of trickster deity.

Are migraines dangerous?

Chronic migraines can unfortunately increase your risk of stroke in your forties. 

Chronic vomiting, if you get this as a common symptom, can have a negative impact on your teeth and muscles...including your heart. If you get chronic vomiting, ask your doctor about any supplements (like potassium or magnesium) that they can prescribe to help mitigate the muscle issues. Wash your mouth out with water after vomiting (this is what my dentist recommended...I asked about baking soda, but they said to just do water. Do not brush your teeth because it can do more damage, but if the post-vomit taste in your mouth is going to trigger more vomiting, gargle with mouthwash or drink some juice).

I don’t get migraines but know someone who does. How can I help?

You are a beautiful person for wanting to help. How you help depends on where you are...you can’t lie down and take a nap when you’re at the grocery store, for example. Ask the person what they need, and remind them that it’s okay to sit down or stay home. We’ll often feel guilty about having to cancel plans, so let them know it’s okay. 

If it’s around a meal time, bring them something kind of bland that they can pick at. This can include hard boiled eggs (peeled and cut into quarters or halves), sliced bananas, peeled/shelled nuts, rice balls, cooked potato pieces (chips, crisps, french fries, roasted potato cubes), small pieces of cooked chicken breast, bread that has been cut into cubes, cubed or sliced apple or pear. 

Be prepared to make an ice pack, which needs to be wrapped in a small towel. Some people have never used an ice pack before and you cannot put it on your skin directly. It needs to be wrapped in a small towel or shirt. If you don’t have an ice pack, frozen vegetables/fruit in an unopened package works. If not, put ice cubes into a zipper baggie and then wrap that in a cloth. If you have a loved one who gets migraines and visits often, buy a small ice pack to keep at your home. This is a pouch with a gel in it, and it is quite inexpensive. You can find them at pharmacies or large stores with a pharmacy section. 

In closing, migraines suck and I’m sorry if you get them. Please have some memes I made.

I thought I had more but I guess not or I forgot where I put them. Feel free to share or ask questions.

[coastaldragon]

Dragon Diary 1/7/21

So...this is my resolution for the year.

I wanted to start a kin-related diary. I found myself missing how often I used to muse about myself and my experiences here, and have long since felt...detached from myself. Stuck in the loop of going through the motions of “human.”

A week late on my first entry, but so it goes.

These entries will just be flow-of-consciousness blabbles for the most part. I’ll talk about any kin-related thoughts I’ve had that day, how I’ve been feeling, how my otherkinity has affected my day, etc.

I have a lot of catching-up to do with you all, so the first few entries may seem disjointed and a little long. Lets get started. This is long. And a bit negative. But hopefully they won’t all be.

cw for death and drug mention and health talk like needles and stuff

I don’t quite remember why I dropped Tumblr like I did. I think I was getting annoyed at all the UI changes, and just overall very busy with “real life.” These things happen. I slowly drift away from a platform. Sometimes for weeks, months, or years in this case. Then I’ll drift back. Kind of like a scrap of wood on the waves.

In the time I’ve been gone life has been...interesting. The source of the stress that caused me to awaken in the first place is gone. He OD’d in...2014? 2015? Some time around there. My grasp of time is worse than ever.

We hadn’t even known he’d be using anything. Turned out he was stealing my late father’s remaining fentanyl supply. One of those guys who preys on widows like my mother. He lied about everything. His entire past as we knew it was a lie. And he was just leeching off of us.

It was...hard. I was the one who found his body upon getting home from work. My mother is still traumatized, even now. Even after all he did. She did love him.

I think all that hardened me quite a bit. And I’m sad for it. I’m still trying to soften myself again, but my trust has never been shattered like that before or since.

My now health is...poor. I had a great job working at an independent pack-and-mail sort of place for a few years. Very laid back, when the customers were nice. Helped me build a lot of strength and muscle. Quite enjoyed showing off by hefting 50lb boxes onto my shoulders. Helped me feel less weak in this squishy human body of mine.

But about...2 or 3 years ago [again, time is a myth to my brain] I woke up and my shoulders were just.

Locked.

It felt like someone had stuck paint spanners under my shoulder blades or something. Not only that, but I was weak. I barely had the strength in my arms to lift a half gallon of milk in the morning.

We thought I’d just hurt myself showing off, somehow. So we gave it some time. Took ibuprofen, used pain creams. Took a few days off work.

But it didn’t get better. It got painful. And the moreso. And moreso. And then my back began to have trouble as well. It was spreading. I felt...ill.

So. Doctors. Tests. More bloodwork than I’ve ever had in my entire life. [10 vials at once for one appt!]

My primary, who is a garbage person I never wish to see again, insisted it was just a sprain. Or something. Whatever. But I knew it wasn’t. My mother knew it wasn’t. Everyone I knew knew it wasn’t.

Specialist time! At the behest of my cousin, who has a litany of autoimmune disorders, we hooked up with a rheumatologist. Who I will call Dr.M. 

Dr.M is an angel on Earth. I am convinced of it. A full year he spent with me, ordering tests, trying treatments, working with me to figure out what the hell was going on. And we did. And what a mouthful it is.

Ankylosing spondylitis. No, it’s not a dinosaur. [Though I do think I’m ‘hearted for ankylosaurines...I don’t think it’s related lol!]

You can look it up if you like. But basically: My immune system is fucking crazy and attacks all the things. Most places describe it as being a lower spine disorder, and while that is certainly where its centralized in most folks, that’s not all it is.

For example mine is, obviously, centralized in my shoulders and upper back. But it does aaaaaaaaaaall sorts of crazy shit. Every day is different. Joint pain, exhaustion, GI trouble, stomach upset, lack of appetite, murderous migraines. The usual for an autoimmune illness. But also wacky shit like costochondritis [painful inflammation of the cartilage of the ribs], random organ inflammation like in my kidneys [not fun], lungs [I had a 3-month stint of chronic bronchitis last winter], and even my heart [very not fun.] Sometimes it likes to attack my “integumentary system” aka shit like my skin and hair meaning I’ll have weeks where my hair just. Sheds. Like a damn cat. It gets everywhere and w/ my long-ass quarantine hair it’s so annoying.

This attack dog immune system does mean it’s unlikely for me to catch little bugs like your common colds and stuff, which is appreciated. But it also likes to maul anything else it deems foreign. Like medication! I took Humira shots for a few months and had a “paradoxical reaction” aka it did the literal opposite of what it was meant to, because the injections pissed off my immune system so much it went scorched-earth on whatever it could. Mostly my thighs, since that’s where the injections were. I still get stabbing pain in them and it’s been over a year. [No, I don’t think I can sue Humira over this. Though I have discussed it w/ my Dr.]

This also means that if I do get sick, it’s bad news. Something strong and unique like COVID? Death. Deaaaaaaaaath. Would likely trigger something called a “cytokine storm” aka my immune system nukes everything and my organs die and so do I.

So guess whoooooooo’s been locked up at home for almost a full year now? :’)

I luckily am able to work from home, though it barely pays the bills, and my health has suffered from a lack of being able to Do Stuff I normally would.

As a result I decided to get back in touch with myself.

It started with Second Life, because of course it did. A new dragon avatar came out. Shiny and mesh and easy [by SL standards] to modify. So me and a few friends [some kin, some not] made a group for sharing stuff for the av and just hanging out. It’s fallen by the wayside unfortunately but those nights spent chilling in SL with a bunch of other dragons roaring and goofing off felt really really good.

And then I made a kin Twitter. [And found some exceptionally cool kinfolk in the process.] 

Then came Othercon the virtual otherkin convention and OtherConnect, the Discord spawned from the community that rapidly formed within the con. Othercon felt incredible. Panels and lectures about the history of otherkinity and alterhumanity and how we are today and rep in the media and just so! Much! Cool! Stuff! And tons of great kinfolk too! 

To not only be within a community but seeing others like me and speaking with them, not just typing back at words on a screen. It was...so very, very reaffirming. It felt like a second awakening almost. I wanted to cry for finally, truly not feeling alone.

And now I’m here. Because I need to be. Because something, deep down, is telling me I’m going to be needing myself sometime soon. So I’d better get started.

I hope I don’t drift away on the tide again. I’ve missed this site, worse for wear as it is.

But I’m a bit tired today. A nasty headache lingering from yesterday’s nastier flare up. Accursed cold fronts. I used to enjoy them but not so much these days. Ah well.

I know there wasn’t much kin talk in this first entry, but as I said, we had a lot of catching-up to do!

[tirsden]

I feel like I need to say something about this, and ironically I already said what I want to say in Youtube comments, so the following has been drawn heavily from said comments.

At the timestamps of 19:26 and 19:35 of the Cynical Reviews video are two scenes that stand out from the movie, and I remember those textures from the trailer too. If you want to trigger an autistic person on any level of the spectrum, show them those scenes or even a still from the scene. I pulled up Notepad at that point to pre-write a comment and about one-third of the paused video was showing behind Notepad. Even just that much in my peripheral vision was literally making me nauseous as I worked on the comment. The busy, repeating pattern on the wall and costumes is a fucking nightmare.

Before I go any further, I'll mention where I am on the spectrum. I'm high-functioning autistic, the label formerly known as Asperger's Syndrome but I'm guessing they're trying to get rid of that label because apparently Dr. Asperger was cushy with Nazis. Oops. And if that word seems a little too flippant, understand that my seeing the relevant information on Wikipedia was devastating. I've been getting fed up lately seeing that "Aspergers is no longer a diagnosis" because I went 28 years without knowing what was different about me and why the world didn't make sense. I was about to leave a comment on another video, something along the lines of, "You can't take my diagnosis away from me, I have a label and it's mine. Not only is doing so disingenuous to me and people like me, it's disingenuous to Dr. Asperger." Before I hit submit I realized I should go google him before I said something I might regret... and staring at his wiki page, if I had a proper desk close enough to use, I would have been head-desking so hard. I really don't know how to properly put in words how I feel about the whole situation now... though the phrase "this is why we can't have nice things" comes to mind.

Back on the Sia topic and review, after I'd finished composing that bit of comment and watched a few more minutes of the review, I was feeling more and more like I'd been hit by motion sickness. Some of the footage after the timestamps probably didn't help, but my gods... "you haven't even watched my film" = "I DIDN'T EVEN SHOW IT TO ANYONE ON THE SPECTRUM OR THEY WOULD HAVE BARFED." Maybe I'm a little more sensitive than some in the motion sickness / visual trigger department, but come on. That is some horribly tone-deaf cinematography, and that's not even getting into the portrayal of the autistic character.

One of the first things I thought about Maddie's interpretation of autism, is that it's closer to something like Down Syndrome, but I had a Down Syndrome aunt and the comparison still makes me want to throw up a little. Closer does not mean accurate... but, yeah. That was my observation. Cynical's mention of Maddie drawing character ideas from a DiCaprio character with some other type of developmental disorder explains so much now. And I don't blame Maddie for what she was involved in, because it's clear she has an abuser controlling her life. There really isn't any flowery way to say that. It is what it is.

Sigh. What the hell do I even do with this? I love(d) Sia's music, and her episode of Carpool Karaoke was probably one of the most fun things I'd ever watched on Youtube. My favorite Pandora station is based off her song Chandelier, a station I've affectionately referred to as "Dying Cat Radio" due to the sound style of a lot of songs that play on it. Now... I think I'm going to have to delete the station and try to rebuild it via Aurora and similar artists. I do not do well with associations, and I was already on the fence after watching the Music trailer recently. After this review? It's over. And it's another nail in the coffin of "having real people as heroes," especially celebrity figures. Other nails for me have been Mel Gibson, Bruce Willis, and Vin Diesel... and I wonder at what point these people either became so disconnected from reality they lost their "souls," or if they were always like that and we just couldn't see it yet.

As for the associations thing and a big reason why I can’t really separate artist from art, I've only ever seen it addressed once by someone else, in the book Red Dragon by Thomas Harris. In the book, the author briefly describes his character Will Graham as such:

“Graham had a lot of trouble with taste. Often his thoughts were not tasty. There were no effective partitions in his mind. What he saw and learned touched everything else he knew. Some of the combinations were hard to live with. But he could not anticipate them, could not block and repress. His learned values of decency and propriety tagged along, shocked at his associations, appalled at his dreams; sorry that in the bone arena of his skull there were no forts for what he loved. His associations came at the speed of light. His value judgments were at the pace of a responsive reading. They could never keep up and direct his thinking. He viewed his own mentality as grotesque but useful, like a chair made of antlers. There was nothing he could do about it.”

And... I've run out of mental steam, so [insert conclusion here] because I've said what I want to say. The formal writing rules in me are cringing with a closing like that, but it can join everything else cringing over the disaster that is Music. Time to damage-control the migraine that's asking me why I'm staring at a big white thing with little black letters, and why I sat through that review when I knew the footage was not good for me, even just the clips used. "Oof" is right, Cynical Doggo... "oof" is right.

[profeminist]

“Video games have saved Cherry Thompson’s life many times, from ‘80s game Rainbow Islands providing escape from a difficult childhood to Pokémon Red giving solace when Thompson was a homeless teenager. Games were about community, therapy, adventure and passion.

But more than six years ago, Thompson had a stroke at age 31 that led to vestibular and cognitive disabilities and a diagnosis of Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a connective tissue disorder that weakens joints, skin, blood vessels and muscles. Thompson, who uses they/them/their pronouns, wanted to play games to cope with pain and surgeries, but found many games impossible to play without suffering severe migraines, motion sickness, hand pain and other barriers.

“I really, really struggled,” says Thompson, who’s also autistic with co-occuring dyslexia and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, which affect how they process information and play games. “But as I slowly came to terms with my disabilities, it was revolutionary, because I realized the problem was with the games, and not with me.”

Now a well-known game accessibility specialist and developer in Vancouver, Canada, Thompson recently got a chance to try out Gears 5 — a game with a long list of accessibility features that mean more people can play it. With a stronger focus on inclusivity than ever before, The Coalition studio developed the third-person shooter and latest installment in the Gears of War series, released in September by Xbox Game Studios. The game has since been widely lauded for its thoughtful accessibility.

Unlike with Gears of War 4, Thompson can actually play Gears 5, thanks to a new option to turn off “camera shake,” or quick camera movements that trigger their vertigo, nausea and headaches. They can customize an on-screen display of information to minimize distractions and sensory overload while playing. And even though their hearing is fine, improved subtitles in an adjustable text size helps them process information.”

Read the full piece here

[lifblogs]

Whumptober 2020 No 26. IF YOU THOUGHT THE HEAD TRAUMA WAS BAD... Migraine | Concussion | Blindness

I Don’t Want to Be You Anymore

Castiel couldn’t get out of bed. It wasn’t a very impressive bed, as far as beds went. It was lumpy, and creaked a lot, and he was pretty sure one of the boards in the middle of the underside of the frame was cracked. Yet now it felt like the greatest thing in the world.

In his dark room, Castiel’s head hurt, the pain unrelenting. It throbbed and refused to leave. It was just there, like some unwanted bug that no one could figure out how to kill or set loose. Of course in this case, the bug was a massive arachnid bigger than a human being, and it had gotten him with its stinger. Or maybe it wasn’t a bug. What else could hurt him badly? An elephant?

The similes were stupid.

His head hurt. That’s what mattered.

Castiel couldn’t figure out why it hurt.

Did humans just go through this, and never speak of it, and power through? Was it normal? Or was it abnormal? Did he have to call Dean about this?

The pain increased, like a hammer had smashed against the left side of his skull. He put a hand to it, feeling like he had to hold his brain in, or else it’d fall out through his agonized head. A whimper left him, and he rolled onto his right side.

Oh no. Bad idea. Very bad idea.

The motion now taught him that the pain wasn’t the only thing afflicting him. The world spun, even with his eyes closed. And he felt like he was going to be sick.

Forcing himself to take deep breaths, he reached out for his phone.

He had to call Dean. He just had to. He needed help.

Being in a human body was so new to him, that he just didn’t know what to do. And even if he did, how was he supposed to get out of bed?

If he stood up he’d fall over.

That was the last thing he wanted.

Castiel kept his eyes closed, realizing the dark was better than even the bit of light coming in through the motel room window. Funny that humans feared the dark, and now he would hug it if it had a physical manifestation.

He groped for his phone, and there was a clattering that seemed to sound his doom.

His phone had fallen on the floor.

Castiel cracked his eyes open, and tears immediately formed, blurring his vision. Throat aching from the build up of emotion, the corners of his eyes and his sinuses pricking, Castiel wished for his Grace back. He wished for it every moment, every day, but in this moment he just couldn’t handle it anymore. He’d already been hurt, degraded, forced to have to do human things like brush his teeth and pee. It was barbaric, and not right for an angel. How had Anna done it? Why had she voluntarily chosen a life of needing to sleep and eat and empty one’s body of bacteria? How could anyone even live like this? Didn’t they get sick of it? Didn’t they yearn for something more? Didn’t they wish they didn’t have a body that was constantly whining like a needy small child?

In that moment when he searched for his phone and tried to hold back the feelings of hatred at what his life had become, Castiel realized how honorable Sam and Dean were. They didn’t just go through life. They didn’t just work to keep themselves alive. They willingly exerted themselves, let themselves get hurt, exhausted, all to save others. All to bring a little light into the world.

Castiel found his phone.

The first thing he did was turn the brightness down, and then after a few minutes of clumsy motions with his thumb over the screen, he managed to call Dean. He put it on speaker, not wanting sound so close to his ear.

“Hey, Cas, what’s up?”

“My head hurts.” There seemed to be no other way to describe it.

“Uh… that’s not good news.”

Dean didn’t seem to be taking it seriously, even sounded slightly annoyed.

“It’s horrible,” Castiel got out. “And I can’t move it or else I feel like I’m going to be sick. Fuck, Dean, even light hurts.”

“You sure those are your symptoms?”

“Do you want me to ask my head for its opinion?” Castiel asked, voice rich and biting with sarcasm.

“Right, right. Sorry.” There was long pause, so long that Castiel thought that maybe Dean had hung up. Then: “Okay, just let me look something up.”

“Fuck.”

Dean reprimanded, “Language!”

Castiel groaned, and then asked, voice quiet, tired, “Don’t you say it all the time?”

“Shut up.”

Castiel decided that was actually a really good idea.

He waited for Dean to finish typing away at his laptop, and clinking on links, and reading.

Finally: “Okay, yeah, just what I thought.” How insightful. Castiel would’ve rolled his eyes if it didn’t feel like the pain was about to push them out of his head, and stage a coup to take over his entire brain. “You’ve got a migraine.”

“A migraine?” Castiel asked.

“Uh, so it’s a really bad headache.”

“I hadn��t noticed.”

“Okay, hold on, looking up an exact definition now. Uh… ‘A headache of varying intensity, often accompanied by nausea and sensitivity to light and sound.’”

“No kidding.”

Dean read on, “‘Migraine headaches are sometimes preceded by warning symptoms. Triggers include…’ duh-duh-duh… ‘stress.’ You been stressed?”

“No,” Castiel snarked.

“Damn, being human is making you sarcastic.”

“Shut up. What can I do about it?”

“You got any Tylenol?”

“What’s that?”

Dean sighed. “Okay, I’m coming over there. I’ll just track your phone. Stay put.”

If Castiel wasn’t so sick he would laugh. There wasn’t any way he could go anywhere anyway.

Dean hung up, and Castiel dropped his phone to the floor, not caring if the screen cracked. His head throbbed mercilessly.

But Dean was coming.

Dean was coming to help him.

The world and reality of humanity — as Dean would say — sucked ass, and his best friend had kicked him out of the bunker, but at least he was going to help him.

Dean would be with him.

And even with the intense throbbing that bled and ground down right into his brain, Castiel felt just a tiny bit of hope.

[scentedluminarysoul]

I'm extremely sensitive when it comes to motion sickness. Even with video games. One time, a game I played triggered a two day migraine with horrible nausea. It wasn't some action shooter, just a walking sim puzzle game.

I actually find myself thinking about that game every once in a while. You know those Creepypastas or other horror stories about video games influencing you, possessing you, making you do stuff?

I don't know what it was about this one game I played that had this adverse effect on me, maybe the head bobbing together with the lighting (lots of bloom), but it wasn't just me. A lot of people in the reviews were saying that they never got motion sick, but this game, and only this game, did them in.

Idk. The mind wanders and wonders

[vostara]

Hypnophobia - 04

vier — vows are spoken, to be broken

pairing: ares x original female character (beatrix)

blurb: “We all have secrets.”

word count: 2.1k+

title inspiration: enjoy the silence (reinterpreted) - depeche mode, mike shinoda

Sorry for the long wait! Life got in the way and I’ve been on/off sick for the past month ;; Right now, I’m actually typing this up while battling a migraine oof. This chapter was also edited while suffering from a horrible migraine, so I apologize for any mistakes I may have missed.

This work is cross-posted on AO3.

… | 03 | 04 | 05 | … series masterlist

When Beatrix opens the passenger side door, she is greeted by the familiar face of Ares.

With a small wave from the woman’s fingers and an upward quirk in the corner of her lips, Ares pulls a black cellphone out of her pocket. After pressing a few buttons on the screen, she holds the phone out towards Beatrix.

The assassin pauses to glance back over her shoulder.

Angelo’s men are probably in the apartment by now. They would be sweeping the space, calling out for Angelo and checking each room for his body. And when they discover him dead and drenched in his own blood, they will search every nook and cranny to find her, to find evidence of her. It wouldn’t be long before they burst through the back door, following her trail, ready to slaughter her in retaliation.

The woman releases her hold on the knife in her pocket and slips herself into the car.

Her fingers wrap around the cellphone. And she holds it up to her ear, just as the shrill of the ringing cuts off.

A man’s voice greets her. “It appears that you’ve completed the task,” he says.

Ares switches on the ignition of the car. She pulls away from the side of the curb and drives away from Angelo’s apartment. Glancing at the review mirror, Beatrix watches as his men slam open the back door and sprint down the wooden stairs.

“Were you doubting me, Mr. D’Antonio?” She says.

He ignores her response. “Were there any witnesses?”

“I left a specific trail for them to follow. No one will jump to accuse you of any wrongdoing. For this situation, at least.”

Santino releases a quiet hum in response. “You pinned the blame on someone else.”

“It wasn’t difficult.” Her gaze shifts to Ares, whose eyes are focused on the road in front of her. Was she taking her somewhere specific? Or just away from the scene of the crime? “Angelo wasn’t a very popular man.”

“And which of his enemies did you pick?”

Beatrix smirks. “I’m sure you are able to keep many things secret, but it’s best that you remain blissfully unaware of these details.”

Santino sighs. He’s annoyed.

“I did as requested,” she continues. “For now, that’s all you need to know.”

After a long pause, the man says, “I need you to come meet me in New York.”

“Oh?” Beatrix perks up. “Another problem you need me to take care of?”

“It’s an issue that requires,” he contemplates his next words, “a different type of solution.”

“You’re not hiring me for a hit.”

“No,” he confirms. “I want to make use of your other skill sets.”

Beatrix pauses to stare out of the car window, to examine the empty sidewalks of the frozen streets. “When do you want to meet?”

“In two days.”

“Of course,” Beatrix says. “I’ll see you then.”

“Goodbye, Ms. Amsler.”

The line goes dead.

Beatrix holds the phone back out to Ares, who slips it back inside of her pocket.

“Did anyone see you parked outside of Angelo’s place?” She asks, turning her head towards the other woman.

Ares rolls her eyes and shakes her head. She pulls the car aside, parking it in an empty spot next to the curb.

“Of course not,” Beatrix says. She reaches to pull open the handle of the door. “I need to get out of here, before someone sees us together.”

Ares leans across the car the wraps her fingers around the woman’s wrist. She pulls Beatrix’s hand away from the door and tugs it towards her. With the fingertips of her right hand, Ares places them underneath the assassin’s chin and urges the woman to face her. When their eyes meet, Ares releases her grip and pulls her hands away from Beatrix.

She brings them in front of her. And when Beatrix realizes that Ares is trying to communicate with her through the motions of her fingers, she glances down at the woman’s hands.

You’re bleeding, she signs. Ares lifts a finger to point at the woman’s head, at the spot where Angelo had slammed Beatrix against the bathroom mirror.

Confused, Beatrix lifts a hand to touch her forehead. She jerks away when she feels a burning sting of pain at the contact. Lowering her hand, she glances at the blood coating her fingertips. “Oh,” she whispers. “I hadn’t noticed.”

Ares opens the glove compartment and pulls out a long piece of gauze. She then presses it onto the wound on the forehead, causing Beatrix to flinch and pull away from the material. But Ares places her free hand upon the woman’s neck, forcing the woman to remain still.

Beatrix relaxes. She lifts her hand up to her forehead, placing it on top of the other woman’s. “Thank you,” she says.

Carefully, Ares begins to pull her hands away. She pauses, allowing Beatrix to adjust her grip on the gauze, before removing herself completely.

You knew him, she says.

“Angelo?”

Ares nods her head.

Beatrix leans back into the cushion of her seat. “How do you know that?”

I saw the way he looked at you. Ares reaches into her pocket and pulls out her phone. She pulls up a photograph and turns the screen towards Beatrix.

On display is a photograph of her and Angelo, sitting together in the booth at the bar.

“You were in the bar?”

She shakes her head. Someone else.

“You’ve been observing me,” Beatrix says.

Ares shrugs. Just keeping tabs.

Beatrix raises her left hand to press against the gauze. With her right hand now freed, she raises it in front of her. Lie, she signs.

A playful spark appears in Ares’ eyes and she smiles at the woman. We all have secrets.

“Did you share this information with Santino?” Beatrix lowers her hand.

No.

“Why haven’t you?”

Ares locks her eyes with Beatrix. She examines her, searching for any hints of weakness and deception. She can sense that the woman in front of her is an act, a shroud to conceal an endless well of secrets. She just needs to find a crack in her exterior.

Who was he to you? Ares questions.

The woman ponders her response. “An old assignment,” she says. “One of the first that I received from Lilith.”

You failed.

“I suppose that from her perspective, yes.” Beatrix blinks. “My priority was the extraction of information. I retrieved what she wanted, but not without complications.”

He found out.

“Angelo was much more intelligent than I believed him to be. He knew for quite some time that I was using him. He was biding his time, waiting for me to slip up and reveal what I was doing with the information.” Beatrix sighs. “But his boss was impatient and ordered Angelo to kill me. The next time I went to see him, he shot a bullet straight into my stomach.”

Ares raises an eyebrow. Why try to hide this?

“I didn’t think it was relevant information.”

Now you are the liar.

Beatrix laughs and shakes her head. “You’re worried that I used this as an opportunity to get my revenge and place the blame on Santino.”

Did you?

“No,” she says. “I am not one to chase a petty quest of vengeance. My instincts are more inclined for acts of survival, not pursuit. I grasp onto opportunities that keep me alive for just a day longer than before.”

Ares pauses, analyzing the woman’s response.

“I’m not interested in shortening my lifespan by framing Santino.”

Stay in the car, Ares says. I will give you a lift.

~ ~ ~

The moment Beatrix unlocks the door of her hotel room, she regrets it. Even with the lights switched off and the door opened just an inch, she can feel Eli’s presence permeating the room. When she steps inside, she sees him. He is sitting on the edge of her bed, twisting a butterfly knife between his long fingers.

“You’re back,” he says. He sounds bored, but Beatrix can hear the annoyance that is bubbling beneath the surface of his calm demeanor.

She shuts the door behind her and takes a cautious step further into the room.

“You’ve been gone awhile.” He shrugs his shoulders. “I’ve been sitting here for a few hours now.”

The woman keeps her mouth shut. She knows that if she opens it now, if she makes the tiniest peep of noise, Eli will lose his temper.

“Got a call while you were gone,” he continues. “Any guesses on what the call was about?”

Beatrix inhales a shallow, nervous breath of air. “I wouldn’t know.”

“They said that my girl, my darling Beatrix, was hooking up with Angelo Ricci. Is that true?” Eli glances up towards her.

Upon seeing her face, the twirling knife freezes in his hand.

He stands up from the bed and approaches her. His eyes trail over her open wounds, the bruises beginning to surface, and the lingering traces of blood on her skin. “What happened?” Eli demands.

“I got into a bit of an argument with Angelo.” Beatrix says.

The man sighs. “You killed him.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“For business,” the woman responds. “I can’t just waltz up to Santino D’Antonio and stab him to death. I won’t be able to kill him until I know for certain that I will be able to shoot before getting shot first.”

The man clenches his jaw.

“If you want me to kill Santino, I need to do a few favors for him.”

Eli narrows his eyes. “And what did you gain from killing Angelo?"

“Opportunities,” Beatrix says. “He promised me further employment, so I pulled the trigger.”

He raises his knife towards Beatrix and uses it to lift a few strands of hair away from her face. “And by wearing those earrings, you’ve effectively framed me for the hit.”

Beatrix stands up straight, a subtle challenge to Eli’s control over the situation. “I told Santino that the blame wouldn’t fall in his lap. I needed a scapegoat.”

“I suppose I am the most believable option,” he lowers the knife. “No one would question the motive of a man who openly hates him.”

Eli tucks the knife into his back pocket.

“But that doesn’t explain why you left without telling me,” he says. “Why you haven’t shared any of your plans with me. You’re supposed to keep me in the loop, right?”

Beatrix doesn’t respond.

“It’s one of the rules. You tell me everything. Your ideas, your plans, and your destinations. And I tell you what you need to do, who you need to meet, and where you need to be.” He leans down towards Beatrix, brushing his lips against the edges of her ear. “But lately, you’ve decided to do whatever the fuck you want to do. Where’s the communication, Bee? Where’s my little obedient pet?”

“It won’t happen again,” she says.

“Good,” he pulls away from her. “I would hate to kill you if you slip up again.”

~ ~ ~

The hot water of her shower did wonders to soothe the aches and bruises emerging on her body. And once she has washed away all of the blood and the lingering traces of Eli’s touch, she sits in the middle of her bed and dials a familiar number.

The call is answered on the third ring.

“Hello?” A woman’s voice. The word is muffled and she sounds groggy.

“Hey, Veronika,” Beatrix greets. “Did I wake you?”

The woman sighs. “If it wasn’t going to be you, it definitely would have been the baby.”

“How is she doing?”

“She screams and shits, typical baby stuff.” Veronika groans. “God, what time is it?”

Beatrix pulls the phone away from her face and glances at the clock. “It’s nearing 4a.m. for you,” she says.

A pause follows the response.

“How bad was it tonight?” Veronika says.

“I’ve had worse.”

“You sure? Cause you sound absolutely terrible, exhausted.”

“Thanks,” Beatrix releases a soft chuckle. “Don’t hold back.”

“Hey,” Veronika hesitates for a moment, before continuing her words. “I’m worried about you. I haven’t seen you in months and you barely respond to my calls or texts. I just want to know that my sister is alive and okay.”

“I’m fine.”

It’s a response that won’t satisfy her sister, but it will have to do for now.

“Really?”

“Listen,” Beatrix says. “I’m coming back to New York.”

The statement distracts Veronika. “You are?”

“Yeah, I got a new client.”

“Is that why you called?”

The assassin takes a moment to respond. “I just wanted to hear your voice. And tell you through a phone call, not a text.”

“How thoughtful.”

“Go back to sleep,” Beatrix says. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Let me know when you’re back, okay?”

“I will. Sleep well.”

Before Veronika is able to respond, Beatrix ends the call.

The woman slides off of the bed and scoots an armchair towards the large window. She settles herself into the seat and watches as Chicago is painted with a fresh coat of snow.

a/n: thank you so much for reading! if you liked what you read, please considering reblogging this chapter. every reblog truly does help a small author like me!

but any likes, comments, or other indications that you enjoy this story is also appreciated!

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[risingmoonyue]

This is something I wanted to make for people who are like me and get or are getting migraines.

I get migraines a lot. They can last from a few minutes to the entire day, and it’s not always entirely obvious when it happens because about 90% of them are silent.

Silent migraines are pretty much just migraines without the headache. They have every other symptom, causes, all that jam. Just not the headache. I actually had them for a lot longer than my family thought because I always had silent ones, so we never realized that’s what they were until I had a full-blown migraine during school. Now, just cause there’s no pain doesn’t mean they aren’t miserable. I spent a whole day out of commission because the nausea—my main silent and non-silent migraine symptom—was so overwhelming.

Normally, they aren’t so bad, but with COVID, the news, and quarantine, I’ve been getting them almost non-stop. Luckily, I have learned ways to help out with them, so I thought I’d share.

First off, find your triggers. These can be stress, sights, smells, sounds, or even things you eat among other things. Personally, what has been setting me off is the sheer amount of screen time I’ve been having, stress, and smells.

A long time on technology? Migraine.

A strong smell, like coffee or new car smell that’s been sitting for a while? Migraine.

Have two essays to write in two days with less than enough sleep, or current events are getting to me? Migraine.

Not drinking enough water or eating enough food can set it off too. It’s best to observe your habits and when the migraines happen to find out what is going on.

So, you’ve (theoretically) figured out what sets you off. Now you have to figure out how to avoid triggering the migraines.

I’ll tell you what I’ve done so far, and maybe add a few more as examples.

For my technology, I’ve turned on blue-light filters 24/7. Without getting into the biopsychology of it all, blue light can mess up your circadian rhythm, and it does actually mes you up. Blue light will cause migraines. If your phone or other tech doesn’t have a filter built-in, there are usually apps for it, or even blue-light filtering glasses you can buy online. I’ve spoken to one of my classmates who had the same problem as me and have bought a pair, and they say it’s worked wonders for them. Turning down the brightness helps too. This isn’t a cure-all though, as I can feel myself getting a migraine now as I’m typing this.

Smells, there aren’t a whole lot to work with because I live with other people, but I have talked to them to make it easier on me. One smell that commonly gets to me is the coffee my parents make in the morning. I talked to my Dad, and they have since dialed down the amount of coffee they make, and have tried to use other alternatives more often. I also usually stay upstairs for a while after everyone else is awake, which means I usually miss the coffee.

The car smell is a little different, because I’ve always been prone to being carsick, but migraines make it worse. In fact, I periodically stop using Dramamine because I build up a pretty heavy tolerance to it and it stops working. Now, let me make this clear first. I don’t drive that much at all. I’m usually in the passenger seat, so it is not as much as an issue to help myself because this silly thing called “driving regulations” won’t stop me from using my normal methods. One thing I have found helps me is headphones. Any kind really, but preferably noise-cancelling headphones. I have a theory it’s because of the pressure they cause, but I really couldn’t be sure, so don’t quote me on that. Currently, I don’t have recommendations for driving other that medication or just avoiding driving when you have one. Last time I tried I got motion sick after twenty minutes, I don’t know how to help with that yet.

With stress migraines, one of the things I try to do is work as stress-free as possible. I take breaks every so often, I have a drink and snacks nearby, and I keep my noise-cancelling headphones on me to drown everything else out. When I’m stuck, I take a breather to calm down and get back to it all with a slightly different perspective. I feel like exercise helps lessen the migraines too, thought that might just be me.

So, yeah. There are also medications specifically geared towards migraines, so if you want to try those they can help too. I know not everyone likes to take medication that much though (coughmecough) so I wanted to share some of what I did. If I think of anything else I’ll probably reblog this.

ALSO! If they are truly getting to be a problem, consider seeing your doctor, as sometimes they may have different recommendations depending on the circumstances.

Please, if you have any more recommendations or ideas, add them on!

Remember everyone, take care of yourselves and stay strong! We WILL get through this!!!