#went the FUCK home from work
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oh its real bad when a 12 hour pad lasts u 3 isnt it
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May your hardened heart be woken By the soft and distant song Of all you left here unspoken All the shards we keep stepping on - Take this body home Take this body home Call the wind, and let her know Take this life outgrown Take this broken soul Call the stars, call them all And take it high, take it far, take it home
#svsss#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#bingqiu#sqq#lbh#scum villain#heard the song Take This Body Home by Rose Betts and it nearly took me out at the knees#it really really suits sqq's self-detonation in hua yue city right? i'm not the only one feeling this?#considered adding some literal shards for them to be stepping on - since sqq's sword explodes - but i couldn't quite make it work#anyway this has been playing like a music video in my head for the past couple days highly recommend listening to the song#if you haven't heard it before#can't get over the absolute dissonance between how sqq views this scene and how everyone else must feel about it#like to him he's just completing his plan - hopefully keeping lbh from destroying a city with energy imbalance and escaping The Plot#nbd! he and sqh have planned it all out it's FINE :) off he goes!#meanwhile everyone who loves him - including lbh who worked years to get back to him and is trying to work through a lot of grief#and resentment and doubt and longing and... - watches him DIE in FRONT OF THEM#just collapse while coughing up blood sword disintegrating energy completely consumed#like holy hell sqq could you traumatize the people around you any more???#no wonder lbh went a little bit crazy after that like my man was already not in a great place but what the fuck#lbh watches his shizun presumably sacrifice himself for him ONCE AGAIN like after he's finally Gotten Strong his shizun is STILL#coming to harm in an effort to make up for his shortcomings#my art#most of the time out here drawing what amounts to muppets and then sometimes i get the urge for this and just need to cover everyone in blo
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BACK with wifi at the house again !!! Here's some roadtrip stuff from the last few days of no wifi
#hoof draws#b. i forgot what oc tag these guys have#horn ocs#the move went great !! 👍 Colorado is super nice so far and i loved the roadtrip#whatever hip injury i sustained from the last few days of work kicked my ass a little bit so i don't have as much to upload as i was hoping#but neway. back home :]#edit a year later; DONT FUCKING MOVE TO COLORADO.
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I hate hate HATE when people say I'm "having an attitude" with them, bc I'm literally not until AFTER they say that. And thats not even "an attitude", it's me being annoyed and frustrated bc youre saying im having an attitude when im NOT.
Like what does that even mean. I'm just autistic.
#blah blah blah#vent#like i was just responding to my name being called???? i literally just went “huh?” which i do all the time?????#and when you walk off mumbling shit that i cant hear bc we're dozens of feet away from each other in a loud ass store#and i come over and ask what you wanted#and youre like “i said we'll talk when you drop the attitude” or whatever and have the audacity to smirk at me like its a joke and i have#any idea wtf youre talking about#like i got so frustrated and upset about it that i legit cried for like an hour after that. while still doing my work bc i just wanna get#done and go home.#this is about one of my managers btw. if it wasn't obvious#like shes cool most of the time. but she says shit sometimes that make me wanna quit on the fucking spot
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2009 Singapore Grand Prix - Fernando Alonso
#my eyes are just lazer focused on where his race suit is unzipped 🫠 he looks sooooo good in these#i wish theyd bring back this style of post race presser bcs my god imy heart skips a beat every time drivers make eye contact w the camera#i think the last race i watched where nando was on the podium was literally fucking canada 23#so i am very very please and happy and delighted to see him finally again#BUT I AM SHRIEKING AT THE FACT THAT HE DEDICATED HIS PODIUM TO FLAVIO AT HOME#FLAVIO WHO IS AT HOME BECAUSE HE WAS LITERALLY JUST PERMANENTLY BANNED FROM F1#AND HE DOES THIS PRACTICALLY ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF CRASHGATE WHICH WAS JUST PENALIZED A WK AGOO#NANNDDOOOOOOO WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS???? MENACE BEHAVIOR!!!!!!!! WAR CRIMINAL!!!!!!!#not included here but he was late to the cooldown room even tho he was the first one to get to parc ferme#and i realized its because he went to get a coke hahaha#i guess thats his drink of choice when dehydrated bcs thats what he was drinking at malaysia 2005 when it was also humid/hot#also i prefer the blue/yellow renault livery obv but i think the yellow/orange one is underrated#renaults liveries and color palletes from this era imo are just very clean and nice looking and work very well together#fernando alonso#fa14#formula 1#f1#formula one#we do a little bit of f1#2009 singapore gp#season: 2009
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MARVEL RIVALS NEW SEASON DROPS ON MY BIRTHDAY LETS FUCKIGN GO????????
#marvel rivals#snap chats#DUDES I WIN I WIIIIN I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT HAPPENS THIS WEEK I WIN#//THROWS UP//#OUGH fiiiine since youre twisting my arm ill share my birthday plans !!!!!!#im gonna head into the city with my bro and check out this taiyaki place and then we'll prob swing by midtown comics or somn#then go home .... hell yeah ... maybe get birthday sushi from my fave All You Can Eat place YOU KNOW WHATS HEINOUS#wait i shared this story already. whatever im sharing it again YOU KNOW WHATS HEINOUS#I WENT THERE RECENTLY AND ONE OF THE WAITRESSES WAS LIKE 'oh you're back ! i recognize you :)'#lady HOW. the last time i was here was what. NOVEMBER ive only been there FOUR times. TWO with my brother#and ONE TIME BALD WHY DO YOU KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE#i guess not a lot of people go into an all-you-can-eat alone like three times and order the whole menu but i digress#i was very touched all things considered. like wdym someone remembered me... stop...#ANYWAYS my brother has a dentist appointment in the morning so i will be spending All Morning playing until he's free#then we'll go to the city prob by like what. 1???? whatever...#im so excited for the new rivals season i wanna know what the rest of the skins are so bad...#lest i speak any more on the wanda one SHE'S SO PRETTY IM GONNA BE FUCKING SICK !!!! I'M GONNA BE SICK#anyways byyyee im gonna do more work so i can celebrate my bday with a peaceful mind !!!!
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sometimes you just sit there and realise you are every age you've always been
#i realised this bc i was like oh my god in 2015 i used to watch 2 eps of 5ds after school everyday#and now im watching an ep of 5ds omw into/home from work#and i was like fuck#i am exactly the same as i was then#im still the 15 year old who watched 5ds the first time#and the 14 year old who found bastille#and the 20 year old who went to doom days club nights#and the 11 year old who loved spiritshipping#and the 17 year old who loved faithshipping#and the 6 year old who loved sonic and also seto kaiba#i am everything ive ever been
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good god. its in my home.
#i do use it pronouns for this thing. im allowed#anyway its clearly a bootleg tho not the worst ive ever seen#not sure if its obvious from this pic or not but it came in unlabeled packaging has no tag and a lot of the seams are wonky as fuck#the tail isnt on right so its gonna sag and pull the stitches#i dont really care given that i didnt want it in the first plac3#but i guess mom brought home some unsold stuff from her cousins resell store that she (my mom) works at to give us random junk#she didnt even know what it is. to be clear. she just saw it and went “eh this looks like its from an anime. nate might want it”#and brought this thing into our home. fucked
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HAVING THE MOST "FUCK IT WE'LL DO IT LIVE" LATE YULE OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!
#real life with risa#THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE#y'all let me fucking tell you#I'm sorry I'm gonna be giving a whole other text post in the tags#So on top of me finding out that I misread the movie poster for shadow#my day nurse called in for the ENTIIIIIIIIIREEEEEEEE WEEKEEEEEND#so my poor brother was stuck here since Friday night (he went home this morning)#and yule was saturday and I usually make a stuffed porkchop dinner with cornbread#NOW. USUALLY THAT'S IT. But since my life sucks this year and I also don't get a full Christmas with the fam#I decided to do A Little More and bought ingredients for green bean casserole and potato gratin#okay well my brother hates cooking when he's not dog tired on a 72-hour shift so none of that is happening#so I decide to do it today when I have a nurse again because those ingredients were expensive and I'm gonna use em#I got the wrong goddamn potatoes so okay that's fine. I'll just make some shells and cheese instead#cook the green beans. go to get the baking dish. Can't find baking dish. how.#Call my mom#SHE NEVER RETURNED IT FROM THANKSGIVING. COOL COOL COOL COOL#BEANS ARE ALREADY COOKED ON THE STOVE#so I said fuck it and shoved them in my new dutch oven and I have no idea if it will work or if they'll cook right but IT'S DONE#THIS IS NOW A MATTER OF PRINCIPLE#I'M FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE OUT HERE
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whining
love that i cried for the first time this year (the year that not only did my father die and i haven't been able to even take time off to grieve, but i had two breakups, neither of which has really yet included an acknowledgement of the concrete ways my exes actually hurt me because i've been so fucked up all year i can't trust myself to take any actions in case i'm being irrational and mean) not because of any of that or anything else objectively bad that's happened, but because my birthday fucking sucked
#i'm fine i'll be fine i'll get through it i always do but christ#now if you'll excuse me i'll be isolating myself and then whining to my cat because i've left myself with nobody to talk to about this shit#sorry to everyone who knows me that i've been in a hole all year this is hundo percent not your fault#but christ. work can i have like 2 weeks off where i don't have to do anything or see anyone so i can process this shit#and great that we went to the club for my birthday but it was empty because of a fuckin t swizzle party somewhere#and then some straight guy's girlfriend danced with me which caused him to BARK at me????#after which one of my friends saw him fucking around with the empty bottle i had been drinking from#don't know what he was doing with it so i just went home#looks like the people i went to the club with had a great time after i left tho so that's great
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im going into my new work tomorrow, first time ever😐
#i was supposed to go in yesterday but um#so basically i did whatever training i was never even aware existed on a platform i was never told of#which has progress for every lil step i do so my manager literally could see i hadnt even logged on n couldve warned me any time#but never did 4 some reason. like even a days notice like heyyy have u gotta blah done n not as im abt to exit to work#BUT ANYWAYS so i tell her i got it done n shes like awesome i make new schedule (since she said we have 2 completely rid the old one#i dont get an update until 4 days later. all she did was add THREE training days (im supposed to have 6 cus it's a hard job)#on TOP of my old schedule. so i have 3 days i know are training days and then a solo day bcs that solo day was going off my old schedule#so it's like. which days do i go on then. bcs u said i cant come in at all bcs we'll have to make a completely new schedule#and then the new schedule is just. 3 added days. on top of my old one#sunday i was scheduled for training & there was No trainer scheduled with me. it was just me#sunday wasnt one of the 3 new days added. it was from the old schedule she literally told me to ignore#n then all a sudden today i get an email from someone who was supposed to be training me (name not even on the schedule tho)#n shes like hey im in the building are u lost or smthing :)?' mind u im asleep . so she probably thot she was wasting her time for a good hr#i emailed her an apology n an explanation but UGH r u fucking serious?? IF I KNEW THAT WAS A (NEW) TRAINING DAY I WOULDVE WENT#I JUST WANT TO GET USED TO THIS NEW THING & IT'S JUST GETTING FUCKED LIKE I DONT EVEN HAVE A BADGE YET BRO#like i was suspicious of going in sunday bcs it wouldve lined up nicely with the 3 added training days#but manager TOLD me she was adding a whole new training schedule! i double check n all she added were THREE days! thats it!#how was *i* supposed to know sunday was supposed to be 1 of those days when ive been staying at home ignoring the schedule u said 2#BCS U SAID 2. AND ALSO. THERE WAS NO TRAINER ON THE SCHEDULE.#even tho the drive is far. i wouldve driven up there today to see if i could shadow if i had known there was someone to shadow there#bcs even if i was wrong abt the day 2 come in at least i wouldnt waste my time but i didnt even know if there was someone there with a#trainer title. so i just missed a day i didnt even know i rlly had. FOR NOTHING. UGHH. I FEEL SO STUPID. I HATE MISCOMMUNICATION#im so scared of coming in now. sverybodys gonna think im dum n what if i have issues training then theyre gonna be like#we spent all this time on bro n he had all this time 2 prepare n he still sucks like damn we should just give up#i would 2 but i hate not seeing things to completion so. ugh. hate it here. idk what 2 say. EMBARRASSING#i hate miscommunications i hate feeling stupid
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just got a notification from my phone calendar saying "It's almost alfo's birthday, do you want to plan something?"
#uhhh first of all i haven't spoken to her in 7 years. :(( second... she lives in Chile. so no...#i do hope she's doing well though. :(#once i guessed the song that was in her head with no clues#(the song popped into my head after she told me to guess) and we were both like 'WHAT'#she told me we were twin flames. i didn't know what that meant but i believed it.#we used to watch movies on rabb.it and she would complain about her mom. and i would tell her everything would be okay.#and she went on a trip once where she wouldn't have wifi and had her friend Tomas keep up our snapchat streak...#anyway thank you phone for making me sad i miss you alfonsina.#fuck now i'm thinking about old friends who don't love me anymore...#alfo and emilie and w and kiwi. ahhh kiwi...#the first person to ever have a crush on me!!!#that was amazing man#kiwi and their friend maggie tried to help me make a plan for getting away from home back then. it never worked. but it was nice of them#i still have asks from both of them in my inbox : ( sigh#emilie was nice until my life fell apart and then decided i wasn't worth talking to anymore (because i wasn't dming her about my problems?)#and w and i weren't super close but we were friends for a while. did a big bang together!#and there are a dozen others who've slipped away. lol...#anyway sorry but google assistant hath just wrecked me with a simple notification. and i don't even have them turned on... :((#diaerie
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the lord is going to need to send me four different blessings to balance out the way this week is going 😍 like one is not enough brother
#lee’s bullshit#phone call yesterday on the toilet BAM “you need to pick your grandfather up from the hospital tmrw”#”bc he passed out mysteriously and has to stay overnight” terrifying! thanks! I’m still on the toilet!#haven’t even gotten off the toilet#”you also need to contact your insane ex and tell her she DOES have to keep paying rent which she will obviously receive well”#cool !! I’m so pumped to hear that !! I’m still mid shit can we resume this in two minutes please.#done with shit!#”yeah idk why she expects this did YOU tell her something to make her believe that?” probably ! I wanted her gone and hated her guts!#”well you need to tell her now” she’s going to love that !!!#roommates come home#”yeah the discussion w our friend who’s losing her shit went (predictably) badly and now we’re all upset again” so cool ! Awesome!#”she also wants a specific apology from you” I could not care less I think she’s so full of shit for all of this I’m done. No.#pick up grandfather today (he’s doing ok thank god j dehydrated from the flu)#get him home have violent indigestion#Visit other grandparents while I’m in town#”your aunt is in extended rehab rn for addiction” sooooo cool ok awesome !! Great!#back home now having violent chest pain !! Probably stress induced but who knows.#anyway at least the double side family addictive personality trend enforces my decision to never touch alcohol !!#what a fun weekend. Can’t wait to work all day tmrw. Jesus fuck.#anyway whatever I’m tired I’m going to watch tv or something
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WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY CHILD!?!?!?!?!
#my sim got home from work and her daughter looks like this now???????#went to cas and she’s normal there tho#what the fuck is happening this was a jump scare#what did they do to you my child#this isn’t even her outfit or her hairstyle#the other kid is perfectly fine what is this shit#I hate this game#oboe rambles#the sims
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Executive dysfunctioned myself into a bit of a spiral this week!
It's over now, thankfully - though this time I was saved only by an actual deus ex machina of a snow day on Thursday.
(after FOUR straight days of accomplishing precisely nothing that needed to get done, and one day of trying - and mostly failing - to scramble to do some of it)
#like seriously I would have been FUCKED if I'd had to work on Thursday#had six papers and half of one exam to grade coming home Friday#by start of Wednesday I had done none of that#as in literally hadn't touched them#then Wednesday I started trying - and kept losing myself in Tumblr and/or Civ VI#and went to bed at 2am having only done a third of the part of the exam that was left to do#alarm went off 5 hours later#schools closing on the west side of the state#expected nothing for my area#snoozed for 15 minutes#which is honestly standard operating procedure at this point#got up to start the shower#decided to check phone just in the wildest chance#message received icon was up#hope swells alongside disbelief#an actual literal ''he can't keep getting away with it!'' moment#the laughter of a man spared from the gallows#and thankfully I was scared enough by that to actually use the day responsibly enough#leaving myself with only the amount of work I could get done today done#and so once again I have skated by somehow#but holy hell I can't keep doing this#(of course I think at this point I'll only have to once more)#(but that's a completely different conversation)#free life#free floating anxiety
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saw a post about projecting your ethnicity onto a character and started missing vespa ilkay. so so bad
#pov u grow up in a 3rd world country(/planet) where healthcare workers are exported by the thousands like cheap produce to richer countries#it's your ticket out of poverty as long as you can deal with the loneliness the separation from everyone you know the discrimination etc#ive never talked about my hc that vespas mother was one of them sending money every month visiting every couple of years until it just stop#like why return to the swamps when youre doing fine working on a richer planet w much better living conditions#cost of living rises every year. sending home a % of your salary used to be enough to support your husband and daughter and then it isnt#you know how it goes#vespa is also dead set on this path until ranga realizes that hemorrhaging healthcare workers leaves them with little to none of their own#students on scholarships or in community/state universities are bound by return service agreements and are forbidden to leave the country#until theyve rendered a few years of work on ranga to pay back their tuition + as a really shitty solution to the brain drain problem#this is real in my country btw but my professors say a lot of ppl do break their rsa's and fucked off to work in other countries LOL#our state unis can barely afford decent facilities they do nottt have the budget to chase down their own alumni in other countries!#but the mental image is a bit funny#vespa ilkays first crime: tinakasan ang rsa#i do also think it lines up with her having a network of med friends everywhere in the galaxy (heart of it all) you kind of go into pre/med#expecting most of your classmates to leave to work in other countries eventually. mine are aiming for the usa / uae / europe / japan etc#anyway whether vespa breaks her rsa or not she leaves ranga asap decides to switch careers and the rest is history#i also deeply love the fact that she's superstitious i'm very sad it wasn't highlighted more (i've only heard s1-3)#as someone who did grow up in a rural area and went to more albularyos/folk healers than doctors in my childhood. (they never failed me)#lots of folk illnesses (ex. balis; pasma) local medical superstitions (dont eat noodles in hospital; youll have a really toxic shift) etcc#theres also a lot of potential in tying her past as a rangian + med student + assassin to me idk how to word this properly#being raised on cautionary tales of not to touch/disturb anything in the swamps then being given free reign to poke & prod at things in her#lab classes (now with the proper ppe)....she was having so much fun with the curemother prime too lmao#years of walking hanging bridges docks boathouses in ranga etc gave her great balance & stealth#cracking open alien shellfish in the swamps to cutting open bodies for studying then for assassination....#I MISS HER SO MUCH BALIK KN SAKEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i get why most people + the canon focuses on her being an assassin bc people find that cooler i guess#but vespa being a swamp girl > 3rd world med student > assassin is so personal To Me. the whole pipeline. eugh.#skl.txt
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