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lateseptemberdawn · 1 year ago

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It's so confusing even to me sometimes especially when it perhaps matters the most how I am an empath as in I will feel like crying while watching someone else cry out if their hearts and I could literally feel their pain but then I'm also so detached like so much so that if someone I know is going through something (as in trouble in paradise (yeah I'm eloquent)) and completely losing it over that person, not being able to function properly like not eating being sad feeling depressed -- it just makes no sense to me??? Like I can't even begin to try to comfort other than just pat pat like??? So you found out they don't care about you don't you just instantly lose all feelings as well? Don't you feel cheated and ridiculed?? Does that mean nothing to you, your self-respect?? And if it does all those things then why do you feel sad. What do you feel sad for. I would feel angry. So incredibly angry and I would simply think I was an idiot to not notice the signs or to stay for as long as I did and it would be like a switch just completely off. I don't think I could ever hold a human above myself. And this makes me wonder if I could ever love at all.

#like ive thought about this ofc but just #it came to me again today #bc someone i know is going through it so im jusy #so lost? like bro snap out of it she used such a lame ass excuse and youre gullible and naive enough to take it at face value and cling on #and crying and feeling sad and sorry and taking your anger out on everybody else #and its extra pathetic the way i always knew that what that person felt was one sided from the beginning and kept telling them about it but #they were so in on their head #like insane level delusion #and i had to comfort them and all i could do was spit out bitter facts #and theyre v immature and like kinda narcissistic #and ik youre not supposed to tell them the bitter truth so soon but that also doesnt make sense to me #oh god am i antiromantic? i dont think so? like ive had crushes before?#im definitely in LOVE w my fav characters and tae and zayn #huh so maybe i am just hopeless irl #well. we'll see about that ig #comfort #antiromantic #detachment

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the-awful-falafel · 11 months ago

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I really hope Rick and Morty as a series will finally move on from portraying Rick's love for Morty / his family as this special, redemptive trait that Morty just needs to open his eyes to. Or portraying it as something Rick just needs to be emotionally honest about, finally admit in a grand gesture, and then everything will be healthy and resolved.

Two things can be equally true: Rick can sincerely care about Morty, deeply enough to be tender with him, showing gestures of affection, being protective of him, being truly proud of him... and can also constantly let Morty down, put him in mortal danger, make Morty feel responsible for his emotional health, treat him awfully and in manipulative controlling ways, and not be there for him when it matters most. His love is real, but is also a fickle thing that Morty cannot always rely on. That uneven dolling out of affection is exactly what entrenches the abuse and damages Morty further. Even now that Rick is slowly improving as a person, his simultaneous love and unreliability persists in milder ways, and the long pattern of abuse leaves deep scars on his grandson.

In my opinion, it makes perfect sense for Morty to see Rick's care for him as this unreliable, dangerous, and potentially non-existent thing, but also to paradoxically crave it nonetheless. Every time he lets his guard down and starts to trust Rick too much, he's been kicked in the nuts for it to varying extents-- even recently. I don't think he actually believes Rick cares nothing for him, but he's been trapped in this cycle of good and bad for so long that his self-worth is eroded and wholly defined by his grandpa's conditional affection, and he's scared of and dependent on it simultaneously. Even if Rick became truly healthy and openly caring from now on, that won't change how he's screwed up Morty with his behavior.

The series isn't going to make any meaningful progress if the writers keeps cycling around the superficial "does Rick care? does Morty know how deeply Rick cares?" question that they've asked since Season 1, instead of progressing to more meaningful, realistic questions about what Rick's love even means after all the past seasons of codependent abuse, and how much it should be worth to Morty in the end. (Ideally, much, much less than it's worth now.)

Yes, Rick cares. Yes, he loves his family deeply. But as with many forms of abuse, that's part of the problem.

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #morty smith #character analysis #slightly rnm critical ig because my cynicism towards the recent seasons' writing lol #they could take this a good direction though if they decided to be consistent and honest about the main duo's dynamic #as well as Rick's direct culpability in perpetuating it that has yet to be seriously confronted #bit of a longshot though #at least the season 7 finale fed me crumbs of it being a possibility #this series likes teasing heavier topics but being mediocre at the follow-up. so we'll see

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cerealmonster15 · 29 days ago

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cheneige moment aka me trying to learn how 2 draw rsa students

#u can probs read better @ full screen image lol sowwy i cram a bunch of tiny things onto one canvas #twst #twisted wonderland #cheneige #neige leblanche #chenya #cereal tries to draw #marinating them in my mind i think theyd be a fun combo #also guest star vil and cater hanging out 😌#i also want to see more cater and chenya interactions but this aint about them [yet] [ill give chenya a caytober day later] [maybe neige to #maybe they can share a day lol we'll see #anyway didnt chenya and neige have like one(1) interaction in an event?? i feel like they did. or am imagining things.#am i mixing it up w/fanart??? i feel like theres one instance where neige and chenya were in a situation #and chenya was being a silly goober and neige was like chenya!! dont tease them!!!#but idr wtf was going on lol. i feel like it wouldve been glomas bc idr if theyre in any other events 2gether #ik chenyas at portfest but idr neige being there #well whether that was a real thing or not i do see it in my mind palace. they have that vibe TO ME!!!#chenya being a lil scamp and neige being like u are so fun but also u must be nice blease;#i love the comparisons of like. chenya to riddle + chenya to neige + cater to riddle #it's all connected... in my mind map.... similarities....#also trey is there. trey to chenya and cater as well LOL #anyway i love when rsa characters are on screen being like tralala teehee i love having a good time #and then a nrc character is clenching their fist like I WANT HIM DEAD #theyre so funny. why are they so dramatic. actually nvm hs rivalries are just like that #except usually both schools want blood so maybe rsa is the weirdo school here #the rain suddenly got really heavy while i was typing all this but then it chilled again #u know how it is w/a pre-hurricane #anyway i love that cater kinda knows chenya by extension of riddle and trey like he recognized him w/familiarity in the tea party or w/e #so i think it would be so funny if he was like wtf beyonce is dating my besties' bestie #tumblr cut off the rest of my tag rambling ig. SORRY.

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monotone-artist · 4 months ago

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[id in alt]

wanted to try doodling him in the normal canon way

#monotoneart #shadow the hedgehog #ig ill give it that one singular maintag cause i actually kinda like this #but i would very much rather stick with my usual Creachur style #sonic characters are so goofy-lookin i love them but i Cannot take them seriously #i love the eyelashes they have though #i didnt use a reference so i may have messed up something but dw about it #(though i dont even use references anyway i just play a telephone game with my own art o_o)#anyway i started playing eld/en ring again!#decided to start a new save because it's been. checks calendar. two years since i first played it #and i only have like 35 hours of gameplay over that entire time #so uhhh yup #my brother is happy im playing it again LOL #he says there's a cool dragon boss in the dlc but we'll see if i even get that far #(no spoilers though weh)#ok goodnight #edit: oop i added an extra quill than what he actually has lol ah well

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tradingjack · 10 months ago

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having fun with colors for once :P

thanks @creepycoffins for the awesome dtiys :D

#creepycoffinsdtiys #trigun #millions knives #vash the stampede #i haven't drawn nearly enough knives. posted him even less #him and vash are so fun to draw :P ik they have the same face but it's like. fun to experiment with how different i can make them look yk #also admittedly. did most of this at work during downtime so if it looks funky..... my bad #the lighting isn't the greatest aight?? it's night shift and there's no windows but they do dim the lights #i did do the limited coloring i did at home lol. wasnt gon bring more art supplies to work #trying to get back into the swing of things with my drawing. i got myself a huion display for my birthday this year!#on top of my traditional i wanna do more animated stuff #primarily animated bc honestly i don't really wanna learn digital painting or whatever. im not interested in that and i like my harsh style #i'd also like to do more original work. i think last year was literally just trigun fanart lmfaoo #we'll see how things turn out ig #i'm not really holding myself to doing anything bc i don't see that turning out well. i am applying myself to more fan projects at the leas #tho those i'm applying more as a writer lmfao #well anyway. enough about me. i actually really like the drawing this was based off of! i didn't include the full body designs #and tbh vash's design is almost entirely cut out just cuz how the pose worked out :(#so i would highly suggest checking out the original art by the person i tagged!#and their other art's pretty banging as well :D

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redbean-nom · 4 months ago

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watched the first 2 episodes of acolyte and so far i like every character except for the main one lol. (also is her name osha as in occupational safety and health administration??)

#star wars #the acolyte #acolyte #the nemoidian faces look really good #definitely the best looking prequel alien from the last few shows #rather ironic to name Miss Hazardous Workplace Conditions 'Osha' lol #the assassin lady was really cool looking #it was pretty funny to see that the 120bby sith assassins are reasonably friendly to each other #and at least help each other somewhat #and then there's poor ventress (and briefly savage ig) who just get force-zapped a bunch #the conversation between sol and vernesta(?) at the end of ep 2 was also pretty funny #vernestra: well we have to take time to Thoughtfully Deliberate this situation so we can respond wisely :)#sol: SHE IS ACTIVELY TRYING TO KILL ME???#poor guy hope the situation works out better for him #hey at least his new padawan (orange theelin) is smart #anyways might draw one of them idk #more inclined to draw nightsisters and soft wars rn but we'll see #whos the sith(?) cant be plageius bc hes a muun right?#how old is palpatine again? was the acolyte project his Sith Senior Thesis or something like that #unrelated but the scene of the jedi running around the ice planet bareheaded was so infuriating lol #PUT ON YOUR HOODS I KNOW YOU HAVE THEM #maybe i'll draw hats for them all #i found it a bit weird that they basically gave osha the anakin background? having her be *eight* specifically when she got to the temple #felt a bit off #kind of like it's taking away from the caution around anakin's induction? since i think koth was four and that was considered 'late'#so for a non-prophecied random kid to show up at age eight?#on the other hand maybe they only got cautious about age after this whole debacle happened? idk i'll see what happens #ok i think thats all

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florida3exclamationpoints · 2 months ago

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My mom is always like we don't treat you like a middle child do we 🥺 and then treats me like a middle child

#i mean. no I don't have horrible middle child syndrome #but its there 💀#my parents planned this vacation without asking me anything #and also lowkey thought i might not even go ??? bro its the beach........#and then literally last week my mom was like you can see if there's any restaurants you want to go to #but when i was looking i saw that there's an aquarium!!!!!!#idk man. aquariums are my favorite thing ever. you would think my parents might see that when planning this trip #and be like oh hey elisabeth would like that #but they didn't 🫶#the main activities that they planned were. a fort. and a battleship. yayyyy 😐#sorry bestie i dont care about that! but my dad does so cool he should go do that!#but i asked if we could go to the aquarium #and my mom is trying to figure out how to fit it in #and she's like. well we could go to the aquarium instead of spending all of one day at the beach #or. i could go to the aquarium by myself while they walk around the city.#and im like. can some of us go to the aquarium while my dad and granddad go to the fort or battleship #???#and they're like. hmmmm idkkkk..... that doesn't sound right............ we wouldn't want people to miss that......#ok but i can miss the beach or the city. aka the things im actually interested in. ok cool #great. for sure dude #we talked about it for a minute and i said id rather miss the battleship and fort than the beach or city #and my mom was like . ok we'll figure it out. we'll either go tomorrow or Sunday. idk. we'll figure it out later #like this is an impossible equation 💀 ok ig. whatever 😭

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cloudwhisper23 · 1 year ago

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Hey, I did an unhinged thing and I'm currently writing a crossover AU that includes three versions of Evan, Gregory, and Michael (Tony is also here in one iteration)

Tbh, the main issue I'd have with posting it is that so much is happening, and there's so much lore that just hasn't been introduced to Tumblr from all three of us (Because of course it's not just a crossover of my AUs. It includes Into the Ballpit by @pixlokita and Vengeful Evan AU by @cookieruma29, who hasn't posted much about it on her blog yet, and of course There Are Others from my blog. And yes, they've been seeing the progression of the story as it goes along.)

#cloud speaks #polls #fnaf au #it's taking over my brain #but idk if y'all would even care about it #we'll see ig #pix #wanda #guys it's so confusing #at any given moment #you don't know which version of Gregory #or Evan #is on the screen #like #genuinely #they're all just named the same one #the only saving grace is that Ballpit Evan has a moment when he decides that TAO Evan is going to be called “Ghost Evan”#and that's inconsequential bc #well

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starpros-sunshine · 3 months ago

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We <3 hearing things

#i swear I am hearing stuff #it might be because this is an old house and those make noises sometimes #but maybe there's something #and maybe there's nothing at all and I'm imagining this #i think I'll clean my room sometime the next days....#it's overdue anyways there's this one corner where i haven't looked at in like two years out of fear what might linger in those depths #my room is a nightmare for people with dust allergies #carpet everywhwre last time i dusted off was too long ago to remember #there's some mold on my windows because i used to rarely open them #that was before I noticed that fresh air is really nice actually and i like breathing good #my couch creaks too and I know my heater sometimws makes strange noises #the boiler from my floors bathroom got the verdict “out of date and should probably be replaced''#it works well but now I'm a tad scared of it exploding #or giving me carbon monoxide poisoning #We're paranoid like that ig thats in up here nowadays #god I really should deepclean this thing sometime #by couch too i sleep on it every day so I seldom get the chance to really do something there #because. like. i kinda need that thing #but I vacuumed and where was a lot of dust #why do I live in filth I even try to keep it somewhat alright #sigh I'll just do what I can do for today and chamge my bedsheets #we'll see about the rest when we get there

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lesbianyosano · 1 year ago

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legitimately what the fuck was that

#ig im dissapointed lmao #sorry most of it i just kind of expected (bram regaining his body and stopping the vampires. fyodor dying bc there isnt really anything els #you can do with him. dazai and chuuya both alive)#mostly i wish aya awakened an ability give her oneee also i want to see how they manifest #idk we'll see soon where this goes ig but 1. i really wish fukuzawa had just died alongside fukuchi and 2. that there would be some calmer #chapters more focused on political repercussions rather than more fighting but the 2 hours later thing isnt really pointing to that huh #ill have to reread this arc at some point bc fukuchis and fyodors plan got so convoluted i was barely following it #and also 1. what abt sigma do they just. leave her there #i mean surely not bc she has info on fyodor but dazai really just did not care #and 2. yeah i wish fukuzawa died but now that he didnt. does he???? just keep the one order #and wheres that fucking page #and whats exactly on it #bc i dont think they can just rewrite anything 1. they dont know how much space is on it and theyll need a lot to fix this mess #2. god knows if they even can do anything or if theres some condition written in already thatd stop them #also asagiri for the love of god get into anticapitalism bc you cant just go into criticing states and military without talking about it #and i still need the hunting dogs dead even if i know its likely not going to happen #but how are you going to go all “absolute power corrupts” and “omg fukuci dont create a military state” and then just leave the super cops #running around and getting redeemed bc “they mean well” yeah they do but it doesnt matter #they are complicit in the state violence THEY ARE state violence #asagiri pls i can show you theory you havent even dreamed of #txt.

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lagtrain · 7 months ago

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i srsly cant wait for tomorrow... i need my free pulls + colourfes

#tbh im still kindaaaaaa? debating whether or not i should pull on colofes #bc like. i want the cards!! shihoan lims *frothing at the mouth*#and on the other hand. im not quite at a spark :( im at likeeee 49k rn?? and u need 60k to spark with 10 tickets #so i dunno if ill be able to grind out like 11k crystals in the span of the banner #they are giving us the free 3900 which will be nice #and if i fc all the hard songs + ap all the stuff im missing then that shoulddddd be at least another pull #but id still need like. 7 or so thousand in event of that #which idk if i can do LOL #i might just pull anyways tho bc i dont really have any cards coming up in the near future that i NEED (i dont think anyways)#plus an & shiho are usually pretty kind to me (6 shiho 4stars including her colorfes which came home randomly)#(5 an 4stars one of which being her ny lim that came home on my last possible 10pull)#tbh im sorta kicking myself for impulsively pulling on random lim banners as much as i have (30 pulls on recent val banner)#(but i got val nene so its not all bad)#bc if i hadnt done those pulls i could defo spark #oh well ig we'll see #< sorry about the big ass paragraph this turned into i wasnt intending that 😭😭😭#gacha game pull planning is SERIOUS

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liebelesbe · 11 months ago

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ok i have to think about this rationally & stop panicking so I can finally sleep. gonna talk to myself in the tags for a bit.

#ok so. no more 'but what if I'm faking it'. If I feel bad I Feel Bad. and I Feel Bad.#doesn't matter what my mom thinks or whatever I Feel Bad and definitely not good enough to ride a train for a few hours on sunday #and then go to school every day next week for multiple hours on a row. and walk to and from school. absolutely not.#I will simply have to call the doctor again and maybe show up for an appointment and we'll see what he says.#maybe I can convince him I actually don't feel good. I'll have to do that bc I don't have another choice ig.#who cares what the ppl at work think if maybe in 2 weeks I still don't feel good enough to come back.#I can't come to work if I feel bad. I couldn't fucking do anything there if standing up for a bit makes me dizzy!!#and if it takes multiple months or whatever. Then that's how it is. I can't be the first apprentice ever to get sick. There must be rules #and stuff for when this happens. I'll figure it out. Gonna take it one step at a time.#And the first step is to not go to school next week bc just the thought of it is making me sob uncontrollably.#good. i think that was everything i was worrying about. just hope my mom will be ok with me not going to school.#and I just have to be brave and call the doctor again on monday and send more emails and stuff.#but I have done it before I can do it again.#doddie redet #ok NOW good night. 🌃#is having trouble sleeping a symptom as well bc I've been having trouble sleeping since the beginning of this week...

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mwagneto · 2 years ago

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ppl will literally hold my face in both hands and look me in the eyes and say im the most perfect person they know and that im important to them and they want to be there for me. and ill still be like uhm what if they're just saying it to be nice but secretly hate my guts

#not rly true coz i feel more secure w this friend group than i ever have #partly bc forcing myself to recover from mento illness is going great and #partly because well. they hold my face in both hands and tell me they'd kill for me #i dont think they hate me im just always worried im annoying which is kinda new #not even annoying im just scared they'll get sick of me if im too.... too everything ig #and im desperately trying not to think about the fact that im going to move to a #different country and leave all of them and it's gonna be miserable #it's crazyyyy how fast time is moving. i need to enjoy every second coz man...#at least the work we have to do means we're gonna be traveling and living together basically all summer #and a bit in spring too #im literally winning life tbh and it's only the 2nd semester #we'll see. and the bad thing is i have no idea how i got such a big friend group so quickly and i #knowww that if i change majors or move away im never gonna have anything like this again #i literally like going to uni coz i miss them when im home that's so fucked up. like wtf.#im so not used to missing ppl like this and to ppl wanting to be around me it's crazy. hi #barking

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humanmorph · 1 year ago

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the whole unity situation obviously sucks shit but as with anything that makes a lot of people online very mad the misinformation is driving me nuts

#Well its mostly just outdated info that keeps getting spun further #but I also keep seeing people say shit like this seems illegal! Someone will sue!#and it's like.maybe I'm too pessimistic but I think a lot of shit businesses do should be illegal and aren't actually lol.#...I also don't believe that big companies will come and 'save' the situation. Is it not more likely they just pay or carve out a deal #It's not like I know shit either though so. I'm ready to be wrong it would be nice if I was.#btw reading the unity faq rn and it's crazy that the answer to every 'what about this obvious problem' question is basically #“uhhhh devs can contact us we'll figure it out when it comes to that : )” LIKE.#They really didn't think this through so if something IS wrong legality wise that's not a surprise ig.#rosa talk

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elegyofthemoon · 2 years ago

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>_> okay now im realizing i might have to start thinking about making some jibashiri... but augh effort.

#that and also im like >:I about the jibashiri in general but thats bc i love the sunchildren sm (my kids)#so im like 'ohh....i dont wanna hurt yall :('#but yeah i do feel like im gonna have to make some jibashiri characters.#idk how MANY i really need but ... yeah #for the sunchildren #snow speaks #i did think about like just One main guy who is present in all the kids stories (hes just extremely old) by orupeusu's story #but idk.... idk man....#also who would put him in charge?#i would figure that aberaku would first be in charge before sunchildren come along and suddenly jibashiri were a thing....#...well ig i have to determine first how did the jibashiri come about #AUGHHHHH EFFORT #its fine its ok it just means more exploring in enka and thats ok!!! i love and miss it sm #other things to look forward to after this exam #or maybe to relax i will but we'll see how stressed i will be lmao #'i got u bro' silas pls get me through this week man

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aquariium-ediits · 2 years ago

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Probably gonna try to get some promotion tomorrow, for now I'm just gonna be battling with my anxiety of interacting with people (/lh). I know nobody will see this, at least, at the time I post this, but oh well! I feel like posting. So I will.

Part of me is thinking about how funny it'd be if someone just stumbled across this blog. Idk.

#mioara rambles✦#Idk why I feel the need to post when my account isn't even somewhat promoted yet #But oh well it's my blog lol #On a side note #The anxieties I have about this blog and what'll happen while it's active are being funky rn #We'll see what happens ig! :)

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