#the nemoidian faces look really good

[redbean-nom]

watched the first 2 episodes of acolyte and so far i like every character except for the main one lol. (also is her name osha as in occupational safety and health administration??)

[andrastesgrace]

Mara Jade + tooka cats

There are two Luke Skywalkers.

The farmboy-turned-flyboy in him is a crack shot, can diagnose a problem with her ship faster than any mechanic in the core, and is wickedly funny, when he wants to be. When he remembers he can be.

The Jedi, though - the one who is allergic to colors and smiling, the one who has apparently forgotten that he isn't even thirty years old yet - is a gifted mediator, a skilled warrior, and much to Mara's eternal annoyance, usually right.

He's also a little shit. She'd almost jumped out of her skin last week in her Coruscant docking bay when he just. Appeared. Behind her. Wearing that stupid passive expression and looking at her expectantly, as though she shouldn't have sworn in three languages and nearly sliced him in half with his own father's lightsaber.

"If only someone were willing to train you," he said with a completely straight face. "You might've seen that coming."

Mara called him a bastard, then, and he grinned. She threw a spanner at his head for good measure, but he just stepped aside and asked her if she was hungry.

They ate ribenes from a cart in the lower city, and didn't talk about his thinly veiled request.

He asks less, now, and she's not sure if she's relieved or disappointed. Since the beginning, he's always asked, even back when she wasn't sure if she still wanted to kill him or not. But now, as then, she's wary. Not of him, not really. She's run through every scenario in her head, and she doesn't really think he'd ever truly become a danger. But he also doesn't want to listen to her, either, when she suggests that perhaps, some Jedi teachings of the past should stay in the past.

Deep down, there's something that makes her uncomfortable about the way he can just. Switch off his entire personality like the press of a button. He would never hurt her, but sometimes he isn't him.

So instead of becoming his student, she devotes her time to becoming a pain in his ass. Annoying him is the quickest way to shake him out of it. At first it's just little things - mispronouncing the names of famous podracers, putting pepper in his tea, and once, conspiring with R2-D2 to play nothing but Nemoidian showtunes everywhere he went.

"You're doing this on purpose," he says blithely one afternoon, and she looks at him with an innocent. "Who me?" in her expression. After a while, she needs more ammunition. She means to ask Solo, but when she hunts down the office he never uses in the New Republic's shiny new military complex, Leia is there instead. "Tooka cats," says Leia after she explains her mission.

"Tooka cats?" "He can't even look at them without laughing," The corners of her lips turn up in a half-smile. "Something about the eyes." *** "Are you proud of yourself?" he says when she sees him later, the grin still lingering in his eyes as he lets himself onto the Jade's Fire.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She does. She watched it on the holos, the emergency channel on his datapad pinging as he stood in the background of some very important New Republic something-or-other. The first time, he managed to keep a straight face, but only just. But she didn't just have one. She wasn't an amateur. All in all, she sent him about thirty of the most ridiculous pictures of tooka cats that she could possibly find. They were naturally funny looking creatures - a little too creepy for her taste, with their beady eyes and claws, but something about them made Skywalker take one look at them and forget he was a Jedi at all. The sight of him bursting into giggles on live broadcast while Mon Mothma was trying to give a Very Important Speech is going to keep her going for *years.*

"You're a menace," he says, dropping down next to her where she's examining her ship's tractor beam manifold. Thing's been malfunctioning for months.

"I'm a delight."

Skywalker is quiet for a moment. His bright blue eyes catch on the faulty wiring she's been attempting to finagle into working order since she landed here, and he absently grabs a spanner and begins tinkering.

This close, she doesn't have to reach to feel the shifting current of his emotions. "You are," he says softly. A few twists of his hand and a couple of button presses, and the tractor beam's diagnostics panel is all green. Showoff. "I wish you'd let me train you," he says finally, setting the spanner down beside him. There are no accusation in the words, but she feels the lingering merriment in the Force give way to a dull loneliness. Mara knows why he keeps asking, and it's not because she's any great Jedi talent. She's...fine at it, she supposes, but Skywalker is asking for one thing when he needs another. "I'd be an awful student," she says finally, bumping her shoulder with his, and he gives her his own version of Leia's half-smile . "But I guess I should probably make sure you aren't dead from time to time." He chuckles, and shakes his head. "Yeah, you're my best friend, too."

[kats-chaotic-wonderland]

Clone Adoption Agency (Chapter 7)

So, this was originally planned to be chapter 6, but it was too long so double uploads! Woo! Enjoy!

Kaviir landed the ship with little incident and was soon back inside the stale white walls of Kamino. She was looking around rather hurriedly for Jango. However she bumped into Darman along the way.

“Ow, hey watch it- Oh! Kaviir! Hey!”

"Darman!" She hugged him excitedly, he could feel her clothes were soaking wet, "Have you seen Jango?"

“Uh, I think he and Kal’buir are speaking with Lama Su right now.” He nodded, sure of his memory, “Why? Want to talk to them?”

"Yes! Can you take me to them?" She asked

“Yeah!” He grabbed her hand, “Let’s go!” He led the girl to a large room with multiple chairs in it. Kaviir could hear arguing from the other side of the wall. She frowned and moved Darman against the wall behind her as she inched closer to listen in.

“You can’t seriously be okay with this, Fett!” Kal shouted

“I’m not, but this is their rules, and their facilities. We need to-“

“What? Play along? Bend to their rules? It was a KID, Jango. What if they-“

“Gentlemen.” A smoother voice spoke up, “I’m terribly sorry you both had to deal with this, we do our best to keep our personal affairs away from outsiders. I can assure you, this won’t be a problem again. And the responsible pods will be dealt with appropriately.”

Kaviir frowned, this didn't sound good.

Skirata cursed in mandalorian and stormed out, he didn’t even notice the two kids as he walked away. Jango spoke some more with Lama Su before leaving as well.

Darman gave her a worried look, but she nudged him to go around and catch up with Kal. He nodded, gave her another worried look, then reluctantly left.

Kaviir followed Jango as he left and got his attention,"Jango..."

He spun to look at her, “Oh, Kaviir, what’s going on?”

"Mom told me to come get you. " She looked worried,"Also... I really need to talk to you about something."

“What’s wrong?” He knelt down next to her and placed his hands on her shoulders, “Is she hurt?”

"Well..." She explained about the Aiwha

“Okay?” Fett sounded confused, “I don’t know what she’s planning, but it sounds like she just wants me to watch you, so… come on.”

"Okay." She nodded and followed him.

“So, you go to ride an Aiwha, eh?”

"Yeah." She grinned,"It was awesome."

“I’m glad you had fun, just don’t tell Boba.” He chuckled.

"Why?"

“He’s been pestering me to take him fishing for one. If he hears that you RODE one, I’d never hear the end of it.” He smiled and ruffled Kaviir’s hair.

"See, now I have to tell him." She giggled

“Ah, but then you’ll make ME sad.” He gave her a playful frowning face, “That wouldn’t be very nice, now would it?”

"Hmmm... Touchè." She grinned

“But more impressively, in my opinion, is that you learned to fly your moms ship. That thing is actually a refitted mandalorian blockade buster, don’t know if you know that.”

"I did not." She shook her head

“Yep. That bird has some major firepower. Broke through a federation blockade once back on Hutta.” Jango laughed, “Your mom was like a one woman army.”

"I believe that." She nodded,"one hundred percent."

“Maybe she’ll show you how to use the weapon systems too. You’ve never known funny til you’ve seen a Nemoidian cha’kaar trembling like a baby for you to NOT blow his treasury into low orbit.”

"That does sound funny." She giggled

They arrived back at his quarters where Boba was looking out the window. He smiled when he saw Jango, “Hey dad.”

“Boba, good news. I brought you a friend.”

Kaviir waved,"Hey Boba!"

“Oh, hey.” He smiled and walked up to her, “It’s been a while since you’ve been here.”

"Yeah, we've been busy." She smiled

“I can tell. How’s training going for you all?” He asked.

"Pretty well." She shrugged,"Eventually the boys will catch up to me in hand to hand."

“And maybe one day you’ll be able to shoot.” Boba teased.

"Ow, that hurts." She joked and clutched her chest like she was shot

“Call it how I see it. So what’s up? Why are you here? Not that I’m complaining.”

"Mom's busy, Jango gets to play babysitter for me.' she shrugged

“Fun.” He nodded, “Want to do anything?”

"Could play a game." She suggested

“What kind of game?” Boba asked

"Dunno, hide and seek?"

“Not a lot of places to do that in here.” He sighed.

'Hmm.... What do you usually do for fun?" She asked

“Umm, I usually go on jobs with dad offworld.” He shrugged, “Sometimes, anyway.”

"Wow, haven't been off world in a while."

“Really, your mom doesn’t take you?” It was weird seeing a clone call Vette anything other than commander.

"Nope. She doesn't leave either." She shook her head

“That’s weird. I wonder why dad can?” He looked over to his fathers dressing room.

"Probably because he's higher up?" She shrugged

“Fair enough.” He nodded, “Want to see some of the places we’ve been?” He smiled.

"Sure!" She grinned

Boba grabbed a holopad and began scrolling through captured images of all of the places they had visited. Kaviir looked with him excitedly and asked plenty of questions. They chatted about those things that kids do. And eventually Jango had to put Boba to bed. They said their goodnights, and soon it was just Kaviir and Jango.

Like usual when she was here after something chaotic, he brought out the sweets and they settled down to talk.

"So, you said there was something you wanted to talk to me about?" He asked sliding her a bowl of frozen sweet cream.

She nodded and looked at it,"Jango.... I need you to promise you won't say anything about any of this to Mom, or Kal, or anyone. Ever." Her eyes flicked up to his, holding a pleading gaze.

He furrowed his brow and nodded,"Of course, but what's so worrisome you can't tell your mother or Kal?"

"Well.... I think it'll make things worse for everyone...." Then she quietly began to explain about seeing the incident with Kal, then the vents, then the kaminoan child hiding in her closet.

By the end Jango was a mixture of stunned and concerned. "Twins...." He mumbled while thinking everything over.

Kaviir nodded, realizing what he meant. Leruc had lost his mother, brother, and family that day. "Jango.... he's not safe here." She frowned,"They'll kill him."

He sighed and rubbed his eyes, this was a dangerous situation. They could take this childs rescue as an afront and make it a problem for them. Putting all the kids at risk. "Let me see what I can do. For now keep him hidden. I'll help with getting him extra food and clothes."

"Thank you Jango." She hugged him tightly, he sighed and returned the affection,"I know I keep asking a lot of you. But I really appreciate everything." She said softly.

"Don't worry about it kiddo, you're doing just fine." He said gently.

They ate and worked out a few details about how to help Leruc. After another hour or so, there was a knocking at the door as Vette stepped through, she was soaking from head to toe, but looked rather pleased with herself.

Kaviir looked at her concerned,"You uh....look kinda wet."

“We were out in the ocean, hun.” Vette removed her helmet and smiled

"Touchè." She nodded

“Come on, let’s get home. Unless you want to stay and pester Jango some more.”

"I do, but I am also wet and very tired." She sighed

“Then let’s go before you catch another cold and Scrubs has to give you another steroid booster.”

"Oh how terrible that would be." She said sarcastically

“So you admit it.” She ruffled Kaviir’s hair and walked her back, “Come on, little one.”

"Okay one sarcastic remark doesn't make it true." She sighed

“No, but it’s fun to tease you, I won’t get to do it forever, you know?” Vette laughed

"Eh I'm sure you'll find something." She shrugged

“Think so? What am I going to do when you’re all big and strong?” Vette pulled her close, “My baby girl all grown up?”

"Tease my husband?" She shrugged

“That will be your job, baby girl.” Vette smiled.

"Why?" She looked confused

“Teasing your husband? I’m not going to be there to pester you two all the time.” Vette laughed, “Now hush, I’m not ready for you to go yet.”

"I'm not ready for boys yet." She shook her head

“Damn right, you’re not.” Vette scooped her up and tossed her gently in the air, pulling her back down into a hug as they continued to walk. Kaviir could tell it was a little harder for her mom to lift her now with how old she was getting.

She hugged her tightly,"Yeah."

“So. Did you have fun riding the aiwha?”

"Yeah!" She grinned,"I love him, I've named him Squiggles."

“Her.” Vette corrected, “You’ve named HER squiggles.”

"Sorry, lady Squiggles." She corrected

Vette shook her head, “You named it…”

"Yes I did." She nodded

“Why did you name it?” She looked to her daughter.

"Because." She shrugged

“Well, who knows, maybe it bonded with you.” She shrugged as they returned home. She set Kaviir down and sat on her chair, leaning her head back, “What a day…”

Kaviir flopped onto the floor,"Seriously."

“What are you doing down there, goober?” Vette smiled.

"Dying." She groaned

“Aren’t you a little young to be doing that?” Vette sat on the floor next to her.

"Yes." She huffed

“That’s too bad. Guess I’ll just go eat the rest of that cake by myself.” Vette shrugged, and hauled herself up to go to the kitchen.

"That's just rude." She huffed,"I'm dying and cake is the only cure."

“I could also get you know who in here if you’re dying.” Vette teased.

"Don't you dare." She shot her a look

“Then come over here and get some cake.” Vette grabbed two plates and some cutlery.

She hopped up and went over to her.

Vette gave Kaviir the last corner piece along with a playful wink. She thanked her but was confused by the wink. Vette sat down with her own piece and they began eating. After they had finished, and Kaviir sneaking Leruc some cake, they all passed out for the night.

Hours later Kaviir woke up from a thunder clap, she went to get some water and peeked in to check on her mother. Looking at the bed she noticed that Vette wasn’t there. She frowned and rubbed her eyes,"Mom?" She called out as she looked around.

But she wasn’t anywhere in their quarters.

Something made her uneasy. Kaviir checked on Leruc, decided to let him sleep. Then she slipped out into the facility. She spent the next hour searching. Deciding it was best to narrow things down she went to see if she was with Jango. But she could hear as she traveled further the sound of an aiwha from somewhere in the facility, it did not sound happy. Furrowing her brow she followed the sound. She was soon standing over a massive hangar with a caged aiwha in the middle. Vette was feeding it something. She furrowed her brow and made her way around to get a better look. As she got closer, Kaviir could see they were simply large fish from a decently sized bucket.

She made her way down and went over to Vette,"Mom?"

Vette looked up suddenly, “Kav’ika? What are you doing here?”

"I woke up, you weren't in the room." She looked at her confused,"Why is he in a cage?"

Vette looked beyond tired, her head was swimming in thoughts as she struggled to find the right thing to say,“Kaviir, can I ask you a question, and you give me your honest opinion?”

"Sure?" She nodded still confused

“If you saw me with one of the boys, fighting off a group of bullies to keep him safe, but they killed him anyway, what would you do?”

She furrowed her brow,"Fight them? Or get an adult? Why?"

“Because your mom is about to do something very dangerous, but necessary, for all of our sakes. I can’t stop you from worrying, but please… don’t think any less of me.”

"Mom...what are you going to do?" She looked concerned, worry laced in her voice.

“I’m going to keep you safe. I’m going to keep them all safe.” Vette sighed, “Go back to bed, little Nexu.”

"O...Kay...." She said carefully,"....mom?"

“Yes, sweetheart?”

"Don't do anything stupid."

“I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure none of my kids get hurt… especially you.” She sighed and grabbed an long metal pole.

"Mom."

“Go to bed, Kaviir. That’s not a request.” Her eyes held dark circles beneath them as she looked back to her daughter, something was clearly eating at her, and Kaviir could guess it was only going to get worse.

She didn't move,"Mom."

“I said go to bed, Kaviir.” Vette’s voice became more stern. Her grip around the pole tightening as the Aiwha’s pupils narrowed between the two of them.

She face palmed irritated,"Mom!"

“That’s an ORDER SOLDIER!” She slammed the blunt end of the staff onto the ground as it roared to life with electricity. The aiwha roared angrily, but seemed to retreat from Vette as its eyes were filled with a primal sense of fear.

Kaviir pinched the bridge of her nose and mumbled something very aggressive in mandoa, then she crossed her arms and gave Vette a glare,"Will you knock it off. Why do you always get so pissy when I want to ask for a hug. Damn."

Vette sighed, “Because I can’t keep you all safe with hugs… I can’t be a mom if you’re dead on some battlefield, or taken away by the Kaminoans in the middle of the night…”

"No, but you can keep the nightmares away with a hug." She huffed,"especially the ones that come up when you leave me alone in the middle of the night."

“I’m sorry, little one.” Vette shook her head, “the nightmares will have to wait, I need to keep you safe. Once I know they won’t take you away from me… once I keep away the monster out here, then I’ll take care of the ones in your head.”

"Fine." She huffed and turned to leave,"whatever you say Commander."

Vette could feel the tears welling up. She wanted so badly to turn around and pull her daughter into a hug, to take her away from all of this. She hated that she had to do this just to make sure Kaviir was safe. She could hate her if she wanted to, all that mattered is that she would live.

Kaviir could here her mothers sobbing through her helmet.

Every ounce of preteen angst shattered at that. Kaviir stopped and felt her chest clench. It only took a moment, the next thing Vette knew Kaviir had walked back over and wrapped her in a hug,"Mom... please don't cry." She could here the girl fighting back a sob,"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have acted like that."

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” Vette deactivated the staff and held on to her daughter.

She held her tightly,"I love you."

“I love you too, baby.” Her hair was mess still.

Kaviir tried to fix her hair,"You need rest mom." She said sadly,"Please."

“I know, baby girl, I know.” Vette sighed, “I just need to do this.”

"just please, take a break afterwards." She sighed,"Just one day."

“You should listen to her, Ruusan.” A familiar voice called out.

Kaviir looked towards them.

Walon Vau was standing there with Delta Squad. “You’re no good to any of them like this.” He folded his arms over his chest, and his expression looked almost sympathetic.

For once Kaviir didn't glare at him she just looked back to her mother.

“Funny coming from you.” Vette sighed.

“Then maybe you should be curious if it’s to the point where I’M the one telling you.” He looked over, “The boys can handle watch duty for tonight, I’ve been meaning to teach them about Sentry detail anyway.”

“Vau… that’s not-“

“I don’t care, Vette.” It was odd hearing him use anyones first name, “Get to bed. Or I’ll tranq the both of you and haul you back to your quarters myself.”

"Mom, please." Kaviir asked softly

Vette looked between the two of them and sighed before nodding towards her, picking her up and carrying her off towards their home.

Getting inside Vette dropped her armor and helmet haphazardly and went to the bathroom to freshen up.

Kaviir waited up for her.

Vette returned in nothing but a sleeveless top and her underwear as she collapsed into bed. Her hair was a bit neater now, but her eyes still looked glazed over.

Once they were settled Kaviir climbed into bed with Vette and cuddled up to her. Frowning she cuddled beside her,"I love you."

“I love you too, Kaviir.” She wrapped an arm over her shoulder and held her close.

"Sorry..." She said softly

“Why?” She mumbled from the pillow.

"Because it's my fault we're here.... it's my fault you're so stressed...." She wimpered and buried her face into Vette's side.

Vette pulled her close and held her, “No, don’t you EVER blame yourself for this. Jango called me in, not you. I was the one who accepted. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

"I did....I told you to stay.... I wanted to train with the boys." She mumbled

“And you’ve made them so happy. They feel like they have something to live for besides the fighting.” Vette kissed her forehead.

"But you're scared."

“Of course I am.” She sighed, “I’m always scared somethings going to hurt you, but I can’t let my own fears hold you back.”

"I want you to talk to me."

“I know, sweetheart. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to talk like we used to. It’s a hard one to get right. But let’s rest for now.”

"Okay..." She nodded quietly

“We can talk tomorrow, and I’ll take the whole day off… okay?”

"Okay."

“We can do whatever you want, just the two of us.”

"Mhm." She mumbled sleepily.

Chapter 8

Chapter 6

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[the-baddest-of-batches]

Dar'Aliit: Chapter Sixteen - When all the Chips are Down (sneak peek)

19 BBY Illandin

Never show up to work drunk. Unless of course your work is supposed to be in a bar, and you're trying to fit into the naturally unruly crowd.

I sit down at the table and slam the bottle of gin in front of me. "Deal me in."

There's a whisper. I can see them all looking at my face. From my snooping, aka listening in while I drink—this place has good drinks—I can tell from first glance this "highly official game" the Republic wants me to participate in is really more like a back door type. You get in by being in the right place at the right time and having enough money.

A Clawdite leans in, his face morphing for larger fangs as he glares at me. "Whaddya want, clone?"

"I live here. I wanna play." I toss a couple of chips on the table. "What's the buy in?"

"Nothing a deserter could afford."

I lean forward, gripping the bottle like a weapon. "You sure?" I hiss back.

The Nemoidian to the right sighs. "Just let him play. Clones come in here all the time looking to lose money."

I get a parting hiss and the clawdite slinks back. He disguises himself as a human. His teeth shrink away. I can see his eyes, though. They're just like mine. He's mocking me.

"Buy in?" I ask again and take a swig of the gin before putting it back down. I have half a bottle left till I'm too slammed to think.

"Fifty."

I reach for my pocket.

The Clawdite corrects his companion. "Fifty thousand."

I pull out the chips anyway and toss them in. "There. Fifty," I pause to stare down my opponent, "Thousand."

There's a snarl. Two others sit around the table. One is a man who looks human but he likely isn't. Something about his eyes doesn't hit right. The last is a nervous looking Leyakian with his broad forehead and wide darting eyes.

I recline in my seat. A droid deals a hand. If these guys are playing for the stakes of separatist arms, they don't act like it. They might be expendable pawns just like me.

A short glance at my hand tells me everything I need to know. And after the first round, it's clear the Leyakian has a nervous tell. He flicks his cards when he's bluffing. The Clawdite has a bad habit of losing his concentration and letting his features relax when he's scared, and the Nemoidian, he's a pretty good bluffer.

I still beat them all hands down.

Krodyck, the Nemoidian, is my only real opponent here. General Nidor did put a pretty big emphasis on the fact this came from the Chancellor and if I lose, all that money is going straight into Separatist arms.

Nerves tell me to reach for the Gin. I reach for my next hand instead. Complete bantha crap. I fold early. Nothing gained, nothing lost. I down another quarter of the bottle. My cards aren't getting much better per round. I make a few hands win, but only narrowly.

Not in all my years have I played with hands this bad. Is this game rigged? I check for signs, but the droid is provided by the establishment. I have to assume it's fair.

Another bust. I'm going to lose. Blyn, the clawdite flashes me an extra toothy smile.

"Say, clone, how'd you get fifty-thousand to buy in with us?"

I look at my poor hand. "Played a few other guys out of their pockets. I like gambling."

"So much you'd leave the army?" Krodyck asks.

"Yeah."

"Hah, so you're just a sore loser then! Couldn't risk losing the war."

I side eye the Leyakian. His eyes are scanning his cards coolly. He's got a decent hand this round. These guys are getting way too personal as well.

Setting down my cards, I reach for my gin. "If you think I can't beat you all, then have a drink on me." I gesture to a Twi'leki waitress wandering past. She cocks a brow and whisks off to find drinks.

"I think you're lying about something," Blyn mutters. "Good gamblers are always good liars."

"And how many hands have I won against you?" I counter.

He laughs. "You're right, you'd make a terrible liar."

Krodyck himself chuckles. The waitress comes back with a round of bottles and issues them to the table. I grab my own.

"To beating the clone at Sabbac," I say and lift mine up.

I get a few laughs. "To beating the clone at Sabbac!" They toast in response.

It's a round of cheers. The bottles are drained and slammed back down. Another round is called for. The droid reminds us we should be playing the game.

"I fold!" Blyn mutters. He slams his hand on the table. The Leyakian stares at his cards more nervously now. The human dropped out ages ago.

"Call," whispers the Leyakian.

"Call." I stare him right in the eyes.

Kodyck glances at his hand. Then he grabs his chips and shoves them in. "I'm tired of this, all in!"

"To winning!" Blyn urges the Leyakian on. He timidly pushes it all in.

They stare at me. I stare at my cards. I'm going to lose if they don't fold. I kick back, study the table, gulp down the last of my alcohol, and lay down my cards. The words bubble up without prompting. "To screwing over the kriffing Republic!" I grab all my chips. "All in."

#

4 BBY Illandin

"Wait a minute, you're banned from the Kiln?" Esho turns in shock. "You? Uncle Kian?"

I finish cleaning my blaster. "We don't discuss it."

"But this is Illandin! Half this place is run by clones and the most laid back people in the galaxy. How—"

I hold up my hand. "I said we don't talk about it."

"I was hearing good things about them too," Zur complains.

"They've got the best food and booze around," Esho gushes.

I know. They need to stop rubbing it in. "We can go drinking anywhere," I pipe up. "And we can get lunch on the way. We have a mission, remember?"

"Oh!" Esho hops up. She's still a little nervous around us, but I suppose we did just pull her off patrol duty and stick her in a highly classified black ops squad. She can handle it.

"We could join my uncles out at the farm and eat with them. Then you can meet my dad." She's looking at me.

"Why...not," I mutter. Surrounded by clones. Yes because I want to relive every reminder of my past. Why not?

"C'mon then." Esho's up. "I'll lead the way. We can get to the city after that and keep looking for your connection with Molto Shore. It won't take long, I promise." She turns to the others. "I'll probably be whatever we have on the farm, everyone good with that?"

I hear no complaints. I snap my blaster back together and stand up. "Everyone up," I order. "We're going to get lunch, then we'll hit up the city."

I get a few looks, but no one questions anything. Only Esho hangs back as they file out and she waits for me. She flashes me a secret grin. "Someday, you've got to tell me the story."

I side-eye her. "Never."

[starwarsbookshelf]

The Clone Wars Subtitles: Season Two Part Two

So, funny story, after resolving to return to my previous format of maybe four or five subtitles per episode…I started the next episode and they say the name “Rush Clovis”.

I tried, I really did, but almost 1 ½ pages, a grocery run, and 2/3 of a bag of sweets later…

Episode 2x04: Senate Spy

Oop. Here we go. It’s the Rush Clovis episode. Let’s get this over with. (I feel like I summoned it, since its featured so much in the conversations I’ve participated in today.)

The one where Threepio doesn’t get that the married couple who haven’t seen each other in ages might not want him chaperoning.

The one where Anakin calls 500 Republica and Padmé home.

The one where Anakin doesn’t answer his comm “all night” and Obi-Wan can’t imagine why.

The one where Anakin’s immediate assumption on being told they suspect someone of working with the Seperatists is that the Council wants him to interrogate them. I do not like the implications of this. At all.

The one where Windu and Yoda have to have decided on this mess to try and break some of Anakin’s “attachments.”

The one where I am barely four minutes in and already severely irritated.

I actually haven’t minded Yoda too much in TCW up to this point, R2’s MIA arc aside. But…”Trust you, she does, Young Skywalker” I want to strangle him right now and bash his smug little face in.

(The one where I took a break five minutes in to go grocery shopping so that I could handle it.)

(You think I’m joking. It has been 42 minutes since I typed the line above and I am now sitting down with a bag of Squashies to get me through this torment. This episode has already cost me a pound. And I’m talking actual currency here.)

(It’s entirely possible I may not have the best attitude coming into this one. And here I’d resolved to get back to short subtitles. Such is life.)

(I can’t make it 30 seconds without having to pause and wrestle with second hand embarrassment and frustration. This is why I don’t watch dramas.)

(I just want to take a moment and apologize for how terrible the subtitles for this episode are going to be. It’s going to be 99% my reactions and stream-of-conciousness-as-I-avoid-actually-watching-it-in-favor-of-writing-about-it.)

(I’m restraining myself from a meta-rant about all the ways this is out of character and how it is in-character. Be proud of me.)

OH MY FREAKING GOSH! YODA!!! SHUT UP!

The one where Yoda and Windu are going out of their way to rub Clovis and Padmé’s past in Anakin’s face.

The one with Padmé’s creepy ex-boyfriend with an Australian accent. (Ironic, considering that Anakin is the one from Space Australia.

The one where Anakin gets to fly the ship for his wife and her date.

At least Captain Typho and Anakin are likely on the same page for this.

That outfit is something Padmé would never wear in a professional capacity.

Padmé is, quite literally, on-planet with three men who love her. Threatening her is dumb. Very dumb.

The one where Artoo tries to feed Anakin. Because someone needs to take care of him.

“It’s the climate change” wow. Should she drape herself over the fainting couch too? And talk about her nerves?

The one where Creepy Ex uses her name as a passcode. He got creepier.

The one where Anakin looks good in the Naboo security gear. (Really good, actually.)

The least believable part of this is Anakin thinking rationally and calmly while Padmé is dying.

The one where the Nemoidians just handed over the antidote after one threat.

The one where everything is hunky-dory with Anakin and Padmé at the end? After all that?

The one where they really wasted an opportunity having Captain Typho there too.

If anyone wants to dialogue about this episode I am 100% up for it. I am very, very salty.

[ktley1986]

My husband isn’t nerdy, at all.  Which is okay because I happen to be nerdy enough for both of us-I love comics, video games, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Battlestar Galactica, etc.  I love all of it, mainly because I happen to know a lot about history and world events and the main theme of history is that people are super shitty to each other, all the time, usually without very good reason.  And once you know that, sometimes the only way to stay sane is to find solace in imaginary worlds-maybe that’s not always the healthiest thing, but at least if someone is cruel in one of those worlds they usually get a satisfying comeuppance, which sadly, rarely happens in the real world.   Now that we’re all suitably depressed, Mike and I were watching The Phantom Menace the other day and he made the grave error in judgement to remark that he “didn’t remember this movie being that bad.  People like it when it came out!” I mean, is that technically true? Yes.  I definitely enjoyed these movies when they came out as a teenager (I was also afflicted with a debilitating crush on Hayden Christensen, which has since died a death of natural causes) and I will stand by that, because I didn’t know any better.  Now with the benefit of experience and foresight I realize the serious damage done to the Star Wars universe and the overwhelmingly potential of what could have been.  Because it’s fresh in my mind after having given an impromptu mini-lecture to my husband earlier, I will explain my problems with Episodes 1-3 of the Star Wars film franchise. The whole Space Jesus thing You know what I’m talking about-the fact that Anakin Skywalker doesn’t have a dad, but is basically just the product of the Force and his long suffering, cipher of a mother figure.  That doesn’t even kind of make sense and it’s so lazy and shitty as to be actually insulting.  Let’s also remember that he’ll eventually become Darth Vader, the ultimate bad guy (and if you’re currently feeling the soft and fuzzies for him, remember he did kill a whole temple full of children.)  He’s such a special snowflake, he’s totally selfless, he’s the most amazing pod racer or whatever, he’s basically Valentina from Season 9 of Drag Race, and she turned out crazy too.  He just needs to compare himself to Selena to make the transformation complete.

Obi Wan to Anakin, honestly.

My problem with that is this could have been a much more interesting story, in the hands of someone who gave a shit about storytelling or the emotional arc of a character.  What if he was just a regular person, who had a dad and a mother who wasn’t window dressing for made up emotional issues later, but maybe he was kind of a reckless dick, then they could have made a more interesting story about how some people aren’t fit to have power, even if they are technically proficient.  It could have been an interesting twist on the idea that all Jedi are totally perfect peace keeping good guys, but what if he was able to convince them he was, but in reality, he was actually a dick?  At least that would make more sense later when he in fact does turn out to be a dick.   The whole Jango/Boba Fett story arc Famously George Lucas had this whole series written out back in the 70’s but the studio was only interested in making episodes 4-6, since the storyline was more cohesive.  I believe that’s true, and I even believe that a lot of the nonsense he put into the first 3 episodes was present in those early drafts, but I can’t be expected to believe that the basis for the clones was Jango Fett, and that his clone son would grow up to be Boba Fett, kick ass bounty hunter extraordinaire.  I get that Boba Fett was a wildly popular character, despite having zero lines as far as I can recall, and getting knocked into the pit of Sarlacc to be digested slowly over a thousand years, he’s my brother’s favorite character, so by default one of mine too, but honestly?  This is endemic of a wider problem in the first three movies in my opinion which is shoe-horning in fan favorite characters rather than making new and interesting ones which serve the story.  Why the everloving fuck is young Anakin making his dirt farmer slave mom a protocol droid?  Does she have a lot of use for translations of over 6 million forms of communication?  Lucas just wanted to take what worked from the original movies and force it into the new ones, although to be fair his stab at original characters did give us Jar Jar Binks, so maybe it’s a good call after all.   Darth Vader’s reasoning for becoming Darth Vader This is where it really hits home for me how much cooler this story could have been-the transformation into one of the most iconic villains of all time was just so lame in these movies.  For one thing, the romance between Padme and Anakin is painful and embarrassing, and this is coming from someone with a fairly comprehensive crush on Anakin.  So much cringe though, seriously.  But making it about him thinking that his wife might potentially die, is just stupid, especially because he ends up choking the fuck out of her.  Again, this is where the story could have been served by establishing him as a bit of a dick from the beginning, instead of a heroic space Jesus type character.  I mean, I am very much in love with my husband, probably irrationally so, but it would take a lot more than the premonition that he might, maybe, potentially die to make me murder an entire Jedi Temple full of younglings. And I don’t even like kids.  And then he just hates Obi Wan for not letting him live his best life or whatever, I mean they could have gone the route of him thinking there was a relationship between him and Padme, although I find the whole turning into an evil warlord over a lady to be one of the tired-est tropes on the planet.  It could have been so much better! Midi-chlorians Just no. So much politics and talk about trade negotiations. Oy! I get that George Lucas doesn’t really get how to write strong female characters, and I guess it’s kind of flattering that he thinks women’s strength is in the political arena, but man I do not give a fuck about trade embargos in the real world, so I definitely don’t give a fuck about trade negotiations in space.  I watched these movies for the first time as a young person and I could not have told you one thing about why the Nemoidians were doing, or what exactly was going on in the space Senate.  The beauty of the original trilogy is that things were simple, motivations were clear and no one had to put anything to a vote.

I don’t think the whole thing is awful-Darth Maul is pretty sick, General Grievous is cool, Christopher Lee is always a welcome addition to any movie, now that I’m older I can definitely appreciate young Ewan McGregor

I need to resolve my feelings about bearded Ewan McGregor

Now I’ve stalled out. Huh.  I know there are probably parts of it that are redeemable, but I can’t remember any, and I can’t be bothered to actually watch it again.  My point being is that it could have been so much better, if they were interested in telling a great story instead of making millions of dollars in merch.  Does anyone else remember all the merch associated with this, you couldn’t even buy a bag of chips without Jar Jar Binks dumb face looking at you.  While this isn’t something I would normally say, but I’m glad that Disney has the reins now, and they’ve already made some great Star Wars movies, sans mention of midi-chlorians which personally leaves me excited again to visit a galaxy far, far away.

My Epic Retcon of Darth Vader’s Backstory

Okay, so he’s just a normal kid, who has a mother AND a father, both of which are fleshed out characters, and he gets selected for Jedi training in a normal, non-mystical space Jesus way.  He turns out to be super great, a special snowflake, blah blah but then (plot twist!) he falls in love with another Jedi, and they have a clandestine affair until she gets pregnant with their baby.  Now, we all know Jedi aren’t supposed to have attachments blah blah, but they never explore what happens if you did, so it could be an interesting way to explore that idea.  So, the female Jedi (which really shouldn’t we get some female Jedis by now? Seriously?) refuses to tell the council who the father is, and she gets banished, without Anakin being aware of it until it’s already over.  She dies in childbirth, totally not the Jedi’s fault, but Anakin doesn’t know that, and that’s why her children are taken away and given to other families.  Anakin either finds out that Obi Wan took his children and that’s why they have their big battle where Obi chops his legs off and roasts the rest of him once he realizes that Anakin is the father and he’s so pissed at this point that he is going to try to kill him.  See, I literally just pulled that out of nowhere and managed to shoe horn a lady Jedi (which this series badly needs, come on!) and no mention of midi-chlorians! Is it a perfect story, no, but does it contain no mention of trade negotiations and Jar Jar binks, yes!