#well. the fallout of hyperfixation anyway

[snail-friend]

ughh i am. exhausted. i wanna write fanfic but I'm tired in a brain deep way... I've got a class and BUSY schedule tmw all day. and an assignment due tmw at 4pm.

if i sleep i won't wanna get up till noon it feels like. but. this is 60% of my grade,

brain PLEASE cooperate and take the Billy Batson out of the microwave to rotate 'comparative methods of behaviour analysis' instead, 😭

[saintedbythestorm]

Now I'm super curious and want to know about that hyperfixation of yours 😀

That's so sweet of you ❤️, but it really is just my on-going hyperfixation with the fallout franchise again. 😅 (and in this case more specifically fallout new vegas, my beloved).

See, Hoover Dam is a central point for that games whole story and I guess I always found it a little funny that thing survived a nuclear war? But like after that post, how they expect it to be one of our remaining structures, it just... suddenly made a bit more sense.

And me with a very bad case of 3 am brain™ was absolutely mind blown and losing my shit and was about to freak out in the tags. Clearly managed to chill out a bit at the last second but yeah...

That was rather silly of me. 😅

[werewolfnat]

Ok, so this has been in my drafts for so long that everything I had originally written out for this feels kinda meaningless to me now so I re-wrote it... I thought I would hit this a lot sooner but in true Tumblr fashion, they kept dicking me over.

But anyway ranting about Tumblr aside, in all seriousness (and yeah I know I say it every time) I'm super grateful to all of my lovely followers, even if at this point a fair amount have probably not been active for years (and i'm like 90% certain there's bots still among them too). You guys have stuck around through all my hyperfixations, both the good and terrible, and I appreciate each and everyone of you both new and old.

So to celebrate this milestone I'm gonna be doing some requests, So, if you wanna take part send me a request or two:

🕹️ Colour Palette Meme - Pick a colour palette + a character/ship/show/whatever. 📼 Make Me Choose - Send me 2 or more things to choose between. 🎞️ Timestamp Roulette - Send me a movie or a show ep and I'll blindly pick scenes from them to gif. 👾 Icons/Headers - Send me a character or whatever and maybe some colour options for some icons and headers. And something for my mutuals only; 📸 Character Photoset or some other gifset of your choice 😘 (I wanted to do a surprise gifset for y'all but despite having been active and mutuals with some of you for years and knowing most of your interests I still don't feel I know y'all well enough to actually do that 😅 and yeah I know it's my own fault for barely talking to anyone while you guys all talk to each...)

Now here's a little list of shows/movies I can gif:

Stranger Things (nothing that involves the zionist actors please!), Yellowjackets, Fallout, Fargo, 911, Marvel (main MCU movies up till Endgame and some other stuff), there's others too like certain movies and stuff but these are the things i can for sure gif, feel free to ask about other things ;)

Tagging some much loved mutuals under the cut (if i don't tag you know it will haunt me forever but i never know who to tag...)

@lengthofropes @nikossasaki @iero @buckysbarnes @buckleydiaz @miwtual @vinmauro @neverevan @softasawhisper @emblazons @corrodedbisexual @sidekick-hero @danesdehaan @avadaniels @mcbride @emziess @deanncastiel @thefreakandthehair @stevesjockstrap @tommykinardbuckley @alivedean @dirtbagdefender @padme-amidala

[ketterdamskaelishprince]

lenore and the yellow wallpaper (a ramble)

so this is all one entire big and large ramble session from me, so ignore if you want because this has no actual point, and i also haven't touched the yellow wallpaper since i handed it in with my coursework so i'm bound to get things wrong. this is no high-brow analysis, this is just be rambling. i've finally gotten the courage as well to go on the big scary tumblr and speak so be nice please :)

anyways, now we have that out of the way– i bring you my observation.

so i've been rereading nevermore (because i am deep in the trenches of my hyperfixation on it right now and have firmly planted myself there) and i noticed something in episode 21 that i remember noticing the first time.

just for a recap, episode 21 is when they're facing the dementophobia trial, and lenore has gotten herself sucked into a hallucination. through this, we (presumably along with her) are shown parts of her past, and the fallout of her brother dying. in a long scene, we basically see the attic which lenore is forced to 'rest' in.

sorry if this is like an obvious tell, but my little rat brain was vibrating out of my seat to say this.

well, first off, let me just give you a little summary of the yellow wallpaper. we have this nameless woman (who's married) who's also our narrator, her husband: john who's a doctor and we also have john's sister: jennie. jennie isn't too important in the summary but she exists and stuff and there's loads of journals out there probably that could tell you super interesting things about her role in the story.

anyways, i digress. the narrator has been diagnosed with slight nervous tendencies and is given the rest cure therapy as treatment. she ends up slowly going insane in the attic (?) which doubles as a nursery, and there's this fugly yellow wallpaper, which the narrator comments to be basically like a crime to art and to colour in general. anyways, the more she stares at this wallpaper and the longer she stays in the attic, she starts to see a woman behind the wallpaper– and the short story ends with her ripping the wallpaper off and freeing the woman but then also, the story ends essentially with her throwing herself out of the window of the attic and yeah, suicide. there's like allusions to the woman behind the wallpaper and her being one at the end, but WE AREN'T FOCUSSING ON THAT, i've rambled enough.

anyways, how does this all link to nevermore?

THIS PANEL RIGHT HERE.

idk, the act of ripping off the wallpaper just distinctly reminded me of the yellow wallpaper, and i have no idea if the creators drew inspo from the yellow wallpaper for this or if it was one of poe's works (i'm not heavily versed in all of his works, but i have a collection of his stuff i should probably sift through and read). but yeah, thought it was cute.

i know thematically they probably vary, but there is something to be said that both of them are in a situation where society wants so badly to silence them and punishes their defiance with the diagnosis 'madness'.

i dunno, just a nice little thought. there's also the whole rest cure therapy too, and the fact that they're both in the attics of their homes– and i presume lenore is in a secluded countryside place here like the narrator of the yellow wallpaper is. so, you know– other connections!

also, as a side note–

this bad boy right here? ether? well some ether smells sweet, so i thought maybe (as a very dumb end to this ramble) that maybe, lenore associates the sweet smelling scent of what she used to be knocked out with to the sweet scent of flowers– i have no idea if that's why she hates flowers but i thought that was a fun little mention. food for thought, you know?

anyways, if you disagree that is totally ok, i truly don't know what i'm talking about half the time, but this has been bouncing on my tiny brain for the past few days and i decided i needed to let it out before i start plaguing the people i know in real life with my obsession. and also, friends, feel free to correct me if i'm disgustingly wrong on anything– i love to learn <3

and... yeah, that's all folks. gonna go rot now :)

[duchezss]

Once in four years mcsm hyperfixation is back baby, and on this most recent rewatch some interesting patterns popped up for me. Honestly this might not be a new conversation, but I had no idea the fandom was still so lively. I've loved this game since it first came out and I really love that so many people still talk about it. Anyways, disregarding S2 for a moment (my opp), I think it's so intriguing the way the writers set up S1 and the art of history repeating itself.

The Order of the Stone were (supposedly) the greatest group of heroes that every lived, but they started out as something so much simpler. They were just friends who wanted to go on adventures and maybe make a difference in the world. Of course their trajectory and outcomes were much different from the modern crew, but in many ways they're still similar. I'll get to the in a sec, but I wanna talk about the originals first.

The original Order kinda breaks my heart, because frankly I think their intentions were good, they just lost their way and got caught up in the glory, not the adventure. They all make it seem like they've known each other for a lifetime, so it's easy to assume that even if they hadn't seen each other in like a decade, they had still known one another for practically twenty years. Soren describes their first adventure like a shot in the dark, and how they were so young. So my guess is they met in their late teens/early twenties, the same age I assume the modern crew is when their story starts. Yes they're all bitter in the main story, but their history seeps into every interaction. Magnus called Ellegaard, Ellie, and it might feel malicious at first, but he still uses it after she dies, which leads me to believe it started out with affection. Then there's Soren and Ivor, who were constantly fighting and at each other's throat. This makes me feel like there might've been a point when they were the closest. Magnus and Ellegaard seem almost relieved to see Ivor, even after they know what he'd done. The command block had led them to great success, but it also ruined the one real thing they had, their friendship with each other. Honestly I think the most heartbreaking thing is they were so close to reuniting again, but Magnus or Ellegaard dies, and Gabriel doesn’t have his memory. Then when the dust finally settles, Soren is gone. Ugh just tragic friend group save me, they are the ones that made me realize how much I love the niche trope of a friend group "haunting the narrative". Their friendship and fallout is what causes the events of the entire story, and thus thrusts Jesse into action. If they had never been friends there would've been no Wither storm, their actions led the modern crew to where they are now. Anyway mini rant over my fault, but how does that effect the crew? Well honestly it felt like they were doomed to repeat the same mistakes.

There's Jesse, the fearless leader who always has the answers and a plan for that matter. Caring, direct, and motivated, she begins the story feeling like she is destined for more. She would do anything for her friends and she's a quick learner in a life she doesn't fully understand yet. Soren was likely the same, he was trying to herd three maniacs and a genius together, and something tells me the leader role wasn't his original goal. He thought the command block was helping, when he was really just fighting his friends battles for them. Soren's life became one of solitude and guilt, one I think Jesse was perhaps destined to as well. The courageous leader doomed to isolation and doubt, unable to comprehend the road that led to their downfall.

Petra's pessimistic and sarcastic nature defines her a first, but it's clear that she's so much more than meets the eye. She's determined, chivalrous, and sometimes (overly) reckless too. Above all she strives to be a protector, of people, of her friends, and of her ideals. That's what keeps her from laying down her sword even though she longs for a life without battle. History says Gabriel was the same protector, even if we truly know him to be different, but this isn't about reality right now. Regardless of this they were seen as the fighters, with the only enemy too strong to beat lying in their imagination. The brave warrior doomed to die and lose their self in battle, interpreting life as nothing more than a fight to be won or forever lost.

It's hard to say what else describes Axel but bluntness. He's an out of the box thinker who can perhaps be slow at times, but he makes up for it when it really counts. He holds his friends close, and views others in a hostile matter (for better or for worse), and at the end of the day his hard exterior is easy to see right through to those who matter. Magnus is spunky and edgy, and rolls his eyes at the mere mention of the others, yet like Axel, it's simple to see right through him. His love for the others is something he shields, and it's clear he does this by pretending his life is perfect the way it is. The maverick doomed to surround themselves with a false sense of community and leadership, forever unaware of all that lies out of their reach

Olivia is intelligent, innovative, and practical. She usually prefers a simple solution but that's not to say she can't also have fun. She's compassionate and curious, and enjoys going through hypotheticals just to be extra prepared (or simply for a easy pass time). She's amiable and while her skills aren't exactly adept, it's clear she has a desire to learn. Ellegaard is a similar, and although she's jaded and has far more of an attitude, it's not hard to believe she used to be similar in her youth. It's also very likely they would have the same coping methods, focusing on red stone is far easier than focusing on others. The brilliant engineer doomed to surround themselves with their machines and inventions, who instead distance themselves from any real connections.

And finally there's Lukas. Selfless, kind, and impeccably loyal, in some ways he's the glue that held them all together. His intense desire to meditate got them out of a few fights, even if his presence initially caused them. He's the resident worrier of the group, and his only goal is to make sure his friends are safe and sound. Glory and adventure are the furthest thing from his mind, they're just a welcome bonus. Ivor clearly cared very deeply for the group, because he was the most hurt by Soren's secret. Even after his anger at them, it's evident they were never far from his mind. He tried so much to get them to see reason, but it was all for nothing. The permanent outcast, doomed to try the best they can to save the group, but who will inevitably be the one to ruin them all.

Of course those fates didn't really fall on the old order, that was just what people expected of them. Soren understood very well what he did wrong, Gabriel lived on, Magnus or Ellegaard died, and Ivor didn't ruin them, he just exposed them (even if his wither storm did kill one of them, but that wasn't really the point). Yet what truly happens in history, versus what we've been told or come to expect are quite different. I just think it could've been interesting for the writers to play into this predetermined fate the group already had, perhaps they would accept it, or maybe they would run from it so fiercely that they end up right where they feared. Or maybe their friendship was enough, and they never got wrapped up in the greed or the glory. Obviously that's not where S2 went at all, but it's was just something interesting to think about.

[weirdest-lights]

Guess who got back into Fallout recently!! ME !!

After several crashes, numerous mod and game downloads, as well as some file editing , I can play Fallout New Vegas again.

I was under the impression I would have had to restart a whole new save but my old game was still intact thankfully so I can even start where I left off like ... A year and a half ago. Anyway ! I'm about to hyperfixate on it for a good two months.

[noemilivv]

Hi I saw ur Hazbin mashups and I was wondering if I could get one. :)

Preferably MALE characters!

About me:

AFAB, They/Them, 4’10, Guatemalan, nonbinary & Pansexual. I have a bit of chub, and I dress in a more youthful style: hoodies graphic tee, etc. I’m introverted, I like to be around people I’m very close to and I’m able to hang out with said before for longer periods of time, usually I only am able to be around other people an hour or so in before I get tired.

I have lots of hyperfixations and will hop to one after another but when I get into a fixation I go all in. Very spacey at times and hard for me to sit down (adhd), I have anxiety so I tend to do verbal and physical stims, shake my hands/fist, repeat words, walk on my tippy toes. Often listening to music or YouTube to help focus and stimulate myself.

Personality:

Id say an overall good person. I like to talk to and listen to my friends about things they like as well as help them in anyways I can.

Very hard working, when invested into a job or project once I get into the grove I can stick to it for hours. Happy to do physical work/projects, as well as ones where lots of ideas and think can be involved.

A little naive at times, sarcasm goes over my head and I don’t get many jokes. I can take things to literal and to heart when I’m not supposed to. Also hard for me to express myself in tough situations, will often laugh when I’m not supposed to. I can also tend to overthink as well, which lead to paranoia. I am also highly sensitive to a lot of things, as my senses are very high. I only like certain foods, get overwhelmed by smells and sounds often and dislike most physical contact.

Very chaotic most of the times, somehow full of energy, talk really loud (I often don’t realize it) love to talk about random things I know or stuff I enjoy. I really enjoy getting compliments and approval from others.

Interest:

I’m an artist I like drawing and making up stories and characters. I also like to sing, though I’m not that good. I also kinda like to write as well.

Some franchises I really like are Trolls, Doctor Who, Marvel, Hazbin, Fallout, Analog Horror/Horror, Overwatch and TF2.

I really like sweets, such as Nerds. I love Arizona Green Tea as well. I also love Pasta and Cheese.

I like learning new thing and will often research and learn about new and random topics, like my YouTube recommendations is all over the place cus of how much I like learning and watching random things

Ty for ur time

hey friend! i match you with…

Husk !!

Husk tries to be softer with you, especially considering you don’t get sarcasm a lot, but sometimes he just can’t help himself from cracking a joke here and there haha

He also knows it’s hard for you to express yourself, so he comes to you instead, he’s the wise, old bartender. He knows you like the back of his paws.

Due to your naivety, he’s very protective over you, he tries to shelter you from the cruel and harsh realities of this world but yet there’s no escaping it

[adarlingmess]

Hello, late night ramble about my Fallout OCs. I haven't touched them in years and because of the drought of BG3 content that I am experiencing I turned to one of my oldest fandoms

I'm not sure if ya'll remember them, but here's Percy/Persephone Zhou (Fallout 3), Maria/Ranger Raven/Maria Elisa Ortega y Romero (Fallout NV), and Kitty/Katerina Robinson nee Volkov (Fallout 4)

MBTI/cognitive functions is one of my hyperfixations at the moment so I got them all tested and goddammit, they're all Ni doms too. Am I really that uncreative with my characters or is it just a case of writing/roleplaying what you know? Lmfao

Anyway, some points of interest, patterns and overlaps among the three. The info about canon characters here are based off of PDB's typing of the characters:

They all have high sneak, but that might just be a reflection of my preferred playstyle. Justified due to Percy using stealth to compensate for her physical weakness, Maria being an ex-Ranger, and Kitty relying on guile to navigate the new world she woke up to.

Their starting SPECIAL tend to have high INT, high CHA, low END, and low STR.

Percy and Maria both have medical training, due to Percy being trained as a doctor by her dad, and Maria being an ex-ranger needs to look after herself in the field.

Maria and Kitty are both well-versed with their respective constitutions' law, due to Maria's time as a Ranger, and due to Kitty being a lawyer.

All have creative hobbies that they're average at, but has helped them in some way: Percy knits and sews (helps with keeping her hands steady during operations), Maria sings (after quitting the Rangers, she found work as a singer in The Tops, where she first met Benny), and Kitty dances (really helped with her agility).

Percy and Kitty are both looking for family members thanks to 3 and 4's respective plots. Maria is running away from hers.

All have family issues. Percy loves her dad but she feels some pressure to walk in his footsteps, unsure of what she wants for herself. Maria is estranged from her family due to her decision to quit the Rangers and denounce the NCR after realizing their tribe's assimilation is a reflection of the NCR's unfettered expansionism. Kitty had a tumultuous relationship with her husband Nate, which they managed to stabilize by the time she got pregnant with Shaun, only for everything to go downhill due to the Great War of 2077.

All are traumatized by religion, one way or another. Percy develops a savior complex thanks to James raising her on the Bible and his own tendencies. (Overworked NiFe) Maria's religion is a syncretization of Catholicism and her tribe's (descendants of Filipino and Mexican agricultural workers in California) indigenous practices, and she ended up embracing the devil inside her instead of bowing her head to the conservative values of her community. (Child Fi being stubborn) Kitty used to be in the Russian Orthodox Church before the Great War, and, well, the bombs dropping gave her a crisis of faith, and she questions why God would allow such destruction to occur is he was truly omnipotent. (NiFi loop)

All have experienced intense Se grips in their moments of weakness and stress. This made them turn to vices. Percy's vice is she drank, and like her dad, she has a taste for scotch. Maria's vice is sex/pleasure/sensation-seeking, and she slept around with people like goddamn Vulpes and Benny too (wtf girl). Kitty's vice is drugs, thanks to Hancock and Cait's influence.

Some relationship dynamics:

Percy shares the same type with her dad, James (INFJ)

Maria shares the same type as Mr. House (which she briefly considered working for, but she ended up taking over The Strip herself) (INTJ)

Kitty shares the same type as her son, Shaun (INTJ).

Percy's frequent companions are all sensors; Charon (ISTP), Butch is (ESTP), and Dogmeat (ESFP). Which is amusing in a way- they're all on the NiSe axis. Percy can see the ways how things might play out thanks to her lead Ni, but she's reliant on the other three to save her ass in a physical fight thanks to her inferior Se. She's the glue of the group with her high Fe too.

Maria's frequent companions are ISTPs and INxPs; Boone (ISTP), Raul (ISTP), Arcade (INTP), and ED-E (INFP). Boone and Raul are like the James Bond to Maria's MI-6, she comes up with the strategy, and those two execute. Arcade is someone she can discuss intellectual pursuits with. ED-E has a soft spot in her heart.

Kitty's frequent companions are ENTPs (Hancock and Deacon). Just... imagine the banter. And the chaos. And the energy.

Percy's main love interests are xSTPs (Charon, ISTP, and Butch, ESTP)

Maria's love interests are an ISTP (Boone), an ENFP (Veronica) and an ENTP (Benny). Her brief/one-sided love interests are two ISTJs (Vulpes Inculta and Joshua Graham), an ISFP (Follows-Chalk), and an ENTJ (Dean Domino).

Kitty's main love interests are ENTPs (Nate, Hancock).

Percy and Maria both have ISTP love interests (Charon for Percy, Boone for Maria)

Maria and Kitty both have ENTP love interests (Benny for Maria, and Hancock and Nate for Kitty)

I really gotta draw all of them soon after I'm done with comms, I missed my girls.

[thegreatgaygay]

Roxy's IRL Friends and Their Les Mis Experiences

right so the context is that i have been hyperfixated on les mis for two months and am insufferable and talk about it all the time with my friends, including my really specific in-jokes with myself (javert's 46 upsetting hats that he makes himself, javer'ts hat being huge/trying to eat him, a lot of hat related stuff actually, at this point it's just to make myself laugh), all the seperate canons i maintain (1-2rp canons, 3-5 fic canons, the one where javert personally knows and really hates shadow the hedgehog) and weird fandom bullshit (the one time i saw a piece of fan art that just absolutely snatched montparnasse's waist. good art btw. but just. he was so snatched and it stuck with me). and they just put up with it. so here's the post.

i have this one friend and she saw les mis on the west end in 2017 and remembers almost none of it but the things she DOES remember include: "two different blonde ladies" and at first i was like there are only three women in this show so it narrows it down but it took some prying to discover that these were, in fact, fantine and cosette.

master of the house is only song she recalls. the only song. out of all of the songs. (it objectively slaps but yall know how i feel about stars and she does too, she's read my stars essay). she said that "those guys [the thenardiers] got another song later on for no reason" which like is technically true i guess.

also, according her, "a guy died on a barricade". yes bestie many guys died on a barricade that's like half the fucking story

and she also got a nosebleed halfway through and spend half the show with her head tilted up so she wouldn't bleed everywhere so she didn't see anything. after she told me about this i explained the full plot of Les Miserables (1978) to her because i a, autistic.

but that's it that's all she remembers from the musical. she also insisted on pronouncing javert JAV-ERT for a month just to piss me off. including while i was dressed as him for halloween. i also have a running joke of people mis pronouncing his name but it used to specifically really get to me for some reason. but like i said my friends put up with so much bullshit from me and i get to hear about fallout 4 and sonic in return, neurodivergent people are so powerful.

my OTHER friend knows the plot of les mis and the songs well enough to torment me still further. he has invented a character named Maurice who does not exist at all ever and he brings Maurice up everytime I bring up les mis at the dinner table (which is often, some would say every single day with few excpetions). he says that his "favorite part of les mis is when maurice goes in the sewer and says 'it's mauricin' time' then her maurices all over the sewer" because we decided that's where maurice lives. i hate my friends so much. love those guys.

my OTHER OTHER friend who i know irl and talk to online said to me recently that they "forgot javert wasn't a real guy" which is hilarious and also reminds me that this person has never listened to les mis or consumed any les mis related media and must have such a fucked up idea of the plot at this point oh my god. they have seen all my memes and all my weird fic stuff but just...they do not know the plot. i wonder what they think happens in les mis???????????

and furthermore, some of my friends and i have discovered that like five of us all have special interests/hyperfixations set in France or that are France related in some way, so i have made a handy graph to hekp us keep track. it's not perfect but i love graphs so much. this is what i get for meeting every single one of my friends at the special move-in day for disability services or at special ed high school. only one of us is straight and only one of us is neurotypical, but it's the same guy and we like him anyways. here's the graph, with names removed but anyways the point is i love my friends but we're all terrible autism people. i'm The Crusades, FORMERLY Hamilton and Les Miserables, if you couldn't guess.

[venisonsteak403]

Six's Adventures (pt5):

My fucking Game got Stuck Damn it, And I was so close to getting to VEGAS

What's up with Me and Vegas To be Honest? My two current Hyperfixation Both are Related to Vegas...

RIP Dave Miller Dsaf you would've loved Fallout New Vegas 😔😔😔

my game got stuck again, let's hope it can be fixed or no more Six's Adventures :(

It worked!!!!!!

Me and Boone are going to go steal money from corpses, just like in real life

I MEAN

i had an idea on how to get money, let's see if it works

IT WORKED (i sold 90% of my healing items)

Okay, Ed-E you come with us,

Wait i need to leave them outside the LUCKY 36 CASINO while i talk with MR.HOUSE? cool. thanks, Vic

"oh someone stole something from you? i can get it back! a Platinum chip? that's what i needed to deliver! Who stole it?" -Courier Six (A dumb bitch)

let's go beat BENNY to death!

Wait fuck i forgot Boone and Ed-e

LET'S GO!!!

Wait. Was Victor infantilizing me when he called my suite a "Clubhouse," or was it a pun because of Mr. House?

Anyways

"babydoll? FUCKING BABYDOLL-"

(Black Widow) You pissing all by yourself Handsome?

(Black Widow) Is anyone gonna match my freak???

it worked???

Boone...Stay here i gotta settle this

Ed-E...You also stay here but because I'm gonna do a very not family-friendly thing

Hey baby boy

Ew

Well that was unsatisfying

At least he's dead.

(LEVEL UP BITCH!!!)

i got Spurs...YES MAN???

POLITICAL ASSASINATION POLITICAL ASSASINATION POLITICAL-

Ah shit my irl back is killing me

Jingle jangle...

Mr.Ambassator what makes you think that i would help the boomers-A Reward, you say?

BOOOOOOOOOOOOONE GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR WE'RE GOING ON A ROADTRIP

"When are we gonna kill Ceaser?" Fuck o-Is that FoxFurry Without his stupid hat? ...Boone stay here I'm gonna go deal with this mys-Oh shit right the boomers...

If we find Trump I kill a man

look a rocket-

FUCK

Dont be suspicious don't be suspicious don't-

FUCK AGAIN

Boone I give no fucks about your revenge quest I BET 300 CAPS BOONE

I'm still pissed that you didn't help me Pay for the New Vegas Entrance, Fucker.

Oh shit we did it! YEA-

"Is it a bad time to mention i'm planning to assassinate Mr.House?" "You WHAT" "Is it a bad time to-"

[sawyingthroughthewasteland]

Sawyer Lockwood’s Backstory pt. 1

Hi! It’s me again, once again trying to explain this bitch’s entire story. There’s a lot, and normally I either have it all organized in a long bullet list or pinned in DMs to my co-author but alas- I feel like everyone should know his story at this point given I’ll probably never finish every single fic I want to write sadly. Ah well, I’ll at least try to make his story somewhat understandable. If this shit is too long for you and you want to speedrun my story, his master post for reference is here. 

Pre-Fallout (Note: NOT pre-war)

Yeah so maybe a year or two before I fell in love with fallout, I had a beloved dnd character that I played as in a campaign where I worked heavily with the DM and helped sometimes with worldbuilding. His name was Sawyer Belmont and was an oath of devotion paladin. His backstory is a bit complicated as with all my OCs that I’m able to hyperfixate on for more than a few months but long story short- in his past was a high ranking demonic warlock. Something happened and a year before the campaign started he woke up in a small town, heavily scarred with absolutely no memory of who he was with a small voice in his head. His voice was a demon named Zariel (no, not that one. I literally googled ‘demon names’ and chose one, literally months later WotC released Baldur’s Gate so fuck me ig). Said demon was essentially the only thing that kept him alive but he quickly strived to stay humane despite his circumstances and prevent Zariel from ever taking over again. 

How does this relate to Sawyer Lockwood?  Well the campaign was ended abruptly and so I was never able to finish his story which,,, was a big blow to me as a person who had written a ton for him. To cope, I used his name when it came to video games in his memory and almost as a way to try to finish his story? I guess? Used him for Elder Scrolls, Skyrim, Dragon Age throughout the pandemic and when I started Fallout, I walked in expecting to play as him. Yeah I’d have to fuck with his backstory to make him fit but I plugged in his name, tried my best to make him look like old Sawyer did and off I went with a high CHA and STR build. 

And fucking hated melee. 

I love sniping, always have since borderlands so um,,, I eventually had him have some character changes then,,, then the fo4 story made him change more then,,, I min-maxed his SPECIAL and completely redid how he looked and,,, then I joined a server with others who had OCs and,,, 

welp. Here he is! Absolutely nothing like the OG Sawyer but we love him anyways. I suppose in the end in a way the old paladin Sawyer got to live on (I mean Lockwood does eventually become a,,, paladin,,, hm)?

Sawyer’s Parents

I won’t go too into detail because honestly it doesn’t effect him all too much/ he doesn’t remember a lot of it- but here we go. 

So Sawyer’s dad was a guy name Jared Lockwood (what? no. I’m not reusing characters what are you talking about -shoves RDO OC under rug-) who was a pretty successful horse breeder and jockey! His beloved horse was a thoroughbred named Brisket and retired from his racing days not long after he had met his wife and they were expecting a child. It wasn’t a lot of money that he made, but enough to buy them a small secluded ranch on top of a mountain in the middle of West Virginia where they raised sheep and chickens. The little bar room in the basement of said ranch house is actually dedicated to previous racehorses and are where he displayed his trophies from past races and such. 

However, when Sawyer was maybe 5ish, as I write with the 1950s timeline version of fallout because I like writing stuff from that era don’t @ me, WW2 began. His father left for the navy, promising to return to his wife and kid after a few years and- yeah he went MIA somewhere in the ocean. Sawyer’s family never found out what really happened, but a good guess has to do with U-boats. Sawyer was fucking heartbroken, he loved his father and had been really close to him during the five years he had with him and was certainly quieter from then on.   

His mother, meanwhile, was Shay Lockwood. She’s straight from Ireland and a often was the anchor for her aloof husband. She was a very down to earth lady, loved farming and tending to their animals- but often was maybe a bit... harsh on Sawyer. Certainly didn’t help that she came from a catholic background and well... yeah

Sawyer’s Childhood 

Sawyer was an only child, and for the most part between daily chores- loved to study. He was a huge fucking nerd. His bedroom was constantly covered in sketches of his designs for machines, tools, and buildings. Additionally, growing up he stayed very close with his father’s horse, Brisket- often riding him to school and reading to him when he was younger. 

Growing up, due to his home’s secluded nature he never really had any close friends? Aside from a girl named Nora, who he was quite close with. In high school they’d actually dated once but while discovering their differing sexualities- things didn’t shake out but they still remained close. 

For the most part, he studied his heart out for all of high school and strived to place himself in a good engineering school to continue his studies. Unfortunately though around the time of getting ready for college- his mother developed cancer. This was rough for him for multiple reasons- she was the only family he was really aware of and not only that, they were in a rough standing with each other when things began to pick up and she got sicker and sicker. As Sawyer was slowly discovering himself in their small town, it was quickly becoming evident that he was most definitely queer- something that his mother disapproved of heavily. When she passed- it was without ever their relation ever being mended and Sawyer still kicks himself about it even a good 200 years later. 

He delayed college for two years or so afterwards, taking care of his farm and struggling to figure out what to do. He was the only one left, who knows what would happen to his childhood home if he ever left for too long. 

College Years 

With a heavy heart, eventually he decided to take a leap of faith and have a go at college again. Due to the gap years, he struggled getting financial support and was only able to make it through two years of civil engineering before his funds dried up. He was getting desperate at this point and in a hail Mary- joined the Navy for the G.I. Joe money when the Big War came around. 

Congrats on making it this far! Now onto the fun shit :)

Bootcamp arc (ft. Baron)

Long story short- Sawyer fucking hated being in the military lol, and for a while they hated him too. He was often subjected to beat ups and rude comments just because.. well he... he twink. It was during one of these beatings that someone swooped in and promptly handed his bully’s asses to them- a man named Baron Teague. 

He’s my friend’s OC and honestly most of the stuff I write these days is between these two (affectionately called ‘Bawyer’). I have no idea if she’ll ever make her own tumblr and write about him on here but I’ll try to give a long story short for him. He’s from a military family down in North Carolina, joined the air force fresh out of high school and when he met Sawyer, was well on his way to officer school. (why were they at the same base? story reasons that’s why) 

The two quickly hit it off, Baron often lending the man a hand and Sawyer questioning the tiny sliver of heterosexuality he had left in him every time the buff guy ran by in silkies. Eventually it uh,,, turned into a romance between the two when they had the chance between drills, then Sawyer took him home one break and Baron started inviting him to holidays with his family back in NC and well, you get the picture. They gay. I’ll link the fics when I get the chance, but most described above has been written lol. 

Lancer Program 

Okay so this is where I kinda went crazy with homebrewing but whatever its my writing world I do what I want with my toys you know

So. In my uuuh universe? I guess? There was a program pre-Liberty Prime. This program was bleeding edge technology, taking the grand scale of Liberty Prime and the intelligence of the brightest AI at the time and combined it with the maneuverability and skills of a human pilot much like the power armor. It was a super secret thing and was a very small department and in order to get in required vigorous tests of intelligence and creativity rather than the usual strength. 

Pacific Rim- like with a splash of Titanfall and Neon Genesis, these mechs would have a neural link with their pilots and with the pilot and AI combined were able to carry out complex and highly effective maneuvers. This was of course, assuming that the two got along well and the pilot was quick enough to be able to fix any coding issues on the fly with merely their voice commands. Super vigorous, super high tech, yada yada yada..

With a whooping STR of 2 and an INT of 10, Sawyer gladly applied and made it into the program. He was Lancer Unit 02 and excelled in his training. 

The AI later becomes their own character but that will have to come in a different post, which will be linked here when I get to it ;)

It wasn’t until it was almost time for deployment that Baron finally found out about the Lancer Program and Sawyer’s involvement in it.

Quickie Won’t Hurt ;)

Almost forgot lol, so not long after serving some time Sawyer definitely suspected he’s gay. He wasn’t entirely sure though and so in a series of poor decisions while drunk with his close friend Nora,,,, they uh,,,, yep. 

He didn’t find out about Shaun until looong after he’d come home from the war. Lol whoops haha god Nora I am so fucking sorry 

On the Field    

Around the same time that Stg. Baron was deployed to Alaska was the same time that Sawyer’s program was finally being deployed onto the field in [redacted]. The two had a heartfelt goodbye, swapped dogtags affectionately (this will be important in Baron’s story), before going their own separate ways.

The Lancer Program, with how small that it was and how far they were being sent, all loaded into a giant aircraft carrier and sailed off into the sea. 

They didn’t make it far. 

Somewhere in the Pacific, the ship was hit and sank so quickly there wasn’t enough time to usher everyone to lifeboats and almost all lives were lost on that ship along with most Lancer technology (hence why most prewar and ‘modern’ tech isn’t nearly as advance as the Lancer Program’s yet some ideas would be carried over to the making of Liberty Prime and PA suits). 

So uh, Sawyer. As a person who had just left his really... only friend, had been bored out his mind during the trip and did what most do when bored- and had taken a nice nap in his mech that he was neutrally linked to.

Woke up to alarms blazing, the AI panicking, and the entire ship hundreds of feet underwater and his entire squad around him dead and floating in the water around him. 

He doesn’t have much memory about how he even managed to get out of that situation because it thoroughly fucked him up. 

Baron meanwhile dropped everything when a truck rolled up with a compressed and crushed Lancer Unit 3 on it, being ordered to destroy it to preserve government secrets. 

Parsons State Insane Asylum    

For the following year after that, Sawyer spent his entire time in Parsons as a broken man. He’d been moved to Boston after his record had listed only Nora and Baron at the closest he had to family. With Baron deployed in Alaska, he was sent to be near Nora has he recovered while she was dealing with her own problems. 

The last time Baron saw Sawyer before the nukes fell was the asylum, hardly able to speak a word and shaken to his core from what he saw down there (fic about it to be linked here). It certainly didn’t help that this was also the time that Nora couldn’t hide her pregnancy anymore and her family started asking Questions. 

The follow year was a blur for him, stumbling through treatment and slowly becoming somewhat functional again. During that time he could vaguely recall marrying Nora and them settling on a house in a place called Sanctuary but he wasn’t super lucid until close the time that the nukes fell. Link about the nukes actually falling linked here. 

Because this post is hella fucking long, the second part will be linked here! Hope y’all enjoy it so far and as always, feel free to send asks about him or me :)   

[mayihavethisdanse]

Dragon Age: so I heard you like awkward paladins

Fallout: hold my beer

[stagefoureddiediaz]

So my costume Meta post seems to have been received in a way I never expected, thank you for all the comments etc in the tags, the reboots and the likes, I’m blushing at your kindness ☺️☺️ but also pleased I’ve been able to give you guys some new perspective on costuming and start some discourse through the knowledge I gained when I worked in costume design and my ongoing ADHD hyperfixation on this wee woo show!

With that in mind I thought I’d look at season 5 in a bit more detail and add a few more things you might all find interesting! I’m going to try and do a full look at costuming for each character as and when I can, but Buck is the easiest to write about because they’re really not being subtle with him at all 😂

That being said before I deep dive into buck a couple of asides to give you food for thought -Chris has generally been dressed more formally when around Ana this season, the big exception being the poisonous creatures tee(it’s so much fun to telegraph information through graphic tees and kids wear them most frequently!), who conversely became less formally attired as her relationship with Eddie deteriorated!

Anyway back to Buck;

We’ve seen him in a lot of hoodies since the shooting (including when he was taking care of Chris in 4x13/14). Hoodies represent warmth and comfort - think hugs- they are an allegory for the type of relationship he’s looking for, why he’s trying to find - the comfort and familiarity of family, we never see him in them when he’s with Tay Kay - only with Eddie or when he’s alone and this serves to make the void in his life (empty lonely appartment etc) bigger and more obvious. They’re also a way of self soothing (when you don’t have the above) and I think we’ll continue to see Bucks hoodie collection until the fallout from the shooting and the will and the unacknowledged feelings he has for Eddie are resolved. I’ll be interested to see if the hoodies become less constricting at this point as the ones he’s currently wearing are well fitted, not loose and baggy like truly comfortable hoodies are!

We’ve seen him a lot more ‘buttoned up’ this season - more formal jumpers and shirts which are buttoned up (if you think back to many of the button shirts he wears throughout previous seasons they’re open over a t- shirt making them less formal) showing he’s not fully comfortable, not being his true self and presenting a specific version of himself to the world. That these generally take place as significant moments, there is the scene at Chimney and Maddies when he’s keeping info from Chim, but they’re mostly with Tay Kay-(he’s had on the patterned shirts I spoke of in my last post) we can infer that he’s not his full true comfortable self with her - he’s holding back and remaining ‘buttoned up’ because he doesn’t fully trust her (all things show by his body language as well).

For Buck his uniform is armour - we heard him say it to Bobby in 3x06. That he’s wearing an LAFD hoodie when talking with Tay Kay about the firefam is important - he’s armoured up in what should be a domestic and comfortable moment with his girlfriend, but his walls are up, again, showing a lack of trust in her.

- Interestingly Tay Kay is in pink (more on pink later)and with bare arms - she is feminine and comfortable - we are seeing her true self - we are meant to read what she says as truth. Tellingly the shade of pink is one associated with, love (either young not fully developed love or the long-standing love of the ages that has mellowed through the passing of time - BT is definitely the former 🤣), children and Barbie - she isn’t mature (when it comes to the give and take of relationships) and is superficial, it makes what she says and her lack of empathy or attempts at understanding Buck and where he’s coming from even more awkward.

The other thing to note is the colour choices - all of the tones we’ve seen buck in have been rich colours that are autumnal - russets, mustard/ochre yellows - or dark tones (charcoal grey hoodie I’m looking at you) suggesting that this phase is nearing its end, the exception (and it’s not really the exception because the shade is a rich shade that fits with Bucks colour ways this season) is the pink jumper he’s wearing when Chim hits him. I spoke in the other post about red being a colour of mother’s and buck wearing pink when he’s stepping into a parenting role - it’s similar here. Except this time it is also a colour of love - he’s reflecting both his protective nature and Maddies - he is not the parent in this situation, he’s the sibling/uncle, he is however undertaking a loving role on behalf of a parent - Maddies - protecting Chim and Jee (I’m not going to get into the rights and wrongs of this scene and how both Buck and Chim acted, it’s nuanced and has been hashed out and picked over a million times) from what(or who) she perceives to be a danger.

We see Buck in grey in the two bed scenes - grey is neutral, it represents not drawing attention to yourself, so what Buck is doing in those scenes isn’t as important as what else is - the first - Tay Kay and her lack of presence in the relationship at that moment - she’s not at ease (as denoted by the fancy lingerie - if she was truly comfortable, and at 4+ months, you’d think they would be at that point of comfort, she’d be in one of his t-shirts or proper pjamas) she’s more interested in work and technology (the tech is everywhere - tv, laptop, phone!). In the second, our focus should be on Maddie and what she is saying rather than on Buck.

Just a little aside on Eddie and the Christmas episode and that it looks like he’s going to be wearing brown when he has a conversation with Carla. Brown and earthy tones generally represent steady and dependable. Interestingly there has been some research done that suggests brown is a good colour to wear when you are open to or want to promote communication (the research showed people found those wearing brown more approachable when needing to ask questions/ for help or relay information) Eddie has maybe reached a place where he is more receptive to receiving advice and communicating what he needs or wants! I’m going to look at him and his brown wearing habits when I get round to looking at his costuming because I know he wears it a fair bit😎🤓

I’m sorry - this ended up way way longer than I thought and I have no idea how to put something under a cut when posting via the app 🤦🏻‍♀️ thanks to all the gif makers whose gif have allowed me to better display my points @prettyboyandthekid @evanbuckleydaily and @dailybuddie and also to @yramesoruniverse for double reblogging me ☺️ it encouraged me to get this post out and I’m working on more - Eddie is coming next!!

Updating to add a link to Eddie’s costume meta

[loverofdemoncorns]

How you feeling today after the Misha Megstiel video? I’m personally really glad he made one

Honestly, kinda shocked at the fallout and massive fandom upheaval it’s caused. The video was from my wonderful fellow shipper @xtexboyx to the equally lovely @inkbleeder with a little in-joke about owls. It was short, sweet and he looked so good and animated doing it and I really enjoyed it too.  Anyway, TW for abuse/suicide/bullying However, that said it has also revealed a lot of hypocrisy within the fandom and a lot of people saw it as an attack when it was literally a gift between friends that they wanted to share with other Megstiel shippers until h*llers got a hold of it and it blew up over socials. Hold on cos this is gonna be long and get kinda wild. It also worries me that a lot of younger fans are seemingly threatened by a difference of opinion over fictional characters and ships. It also again uncovered deeply held misogyny within the fandom where Meg cannot be forgiven despite her redemption arc, where as MoC Dean is forgiven and thought of as ‘hot’ for doing similar things.  I made a plea on twitter that I’m going to repeat here as someone studying psychology, it’s something that has disturbed me - and in all honesty when I was their age in a different fandom had been there myself and thankfully due to lack of socials realised how dangerous/toxic obsessions can be.  So my plea: The fans pressed over Misha's cameo to the Megstiel shippers & my friends: please seek help. Please don't let fiction get to you this much if it's affecting your mental health please speak to someone. I mean this sincerely. I've been there & It's not healthy & will only get worse.  It's nothing to be ashamed about - it's a form of hyperfixation and will end up making you really ill, depressed and removed from friends and family - which makes you easy to take advantage of. I am being honest - like seriously... it's hurting you without you realising. You need to learn to differentiate between fact and fiction - you need to learn that people in the world are going to have a difference of opinion - which in the long run if it’s fictional is harmless despite how it feels to you. These are actors playing a part, speaking the lines of other writers - there is no hidden subtext, the characters exist in a space that is there to be interpreted by the fans of the show - it’s not a major life changing discourse. You see yourself in a character? That’s great. But to deny others their right to relate to a character just makes you a gatekeeper and that’s not cool. That is how misogyny starts, how segregation starts and in the wider scheme of things, in the real world is how you become manipulated and conned by political and religious leaders and how ‘othering’ starts to happen.   When you start letting reality and fiction blend and get so hurt that there are threats to doxx, suicide bating, bullying, stalking and threats to kill, it’s then you have to take a step back and realise that this is consuming your life - that perhaps you need to maybe seek professional help. I mean I get it - when you’re young you think you know everything and you’ll fight to hold on and ‘prove’ others wrong... and yeah I know people are gonna think “Ugh, an adult has no right to tell me what to do” but this adult is only 34 - and has BEEN through an obsession with a ship (Farscape - John/Aeryn which was canon but still). Throw in the wonderful world of social media and you get adults preying on these vulnerable youngsters - siding with them, befriending them and gaining their trust which is where the issue lies and they could quite well end up being the victim.  There is also another element of the threats I’ve seen (again going back to the doxxing and suicide bating). They may think it’s a ‘joke’ and nobody will see it, but these are actually criminal acts in some countries - police could literally rock up at their door, give them a talking to, fine them or worse. It’s never a joke to doxx/suicide bate/harass etc.  I think the root of the issue is the attachment to characters and self-insertion and the false accusation that they’re doing it for ‘representation’ when there are other shows and other characters that will give you true LGBTQ+ rep rather than projecting onto two good-looking cis-het white males. By believing wholeheartedly that lighting/clothing/food and eye contact is ‘proof’ or rep of a ship is completely damaging and also stereotyping - it pushes the narrative that guys cannot have a platonic emotional bond with another guy because it’s “gay” which also perpetuates toxic masculinity and misogyny.  But this quote on my twitter feed caught my eye, and I’m starting to agree “I used to be concerned too, till I realised its already too late. They always have the option to come back to reality but always choose delusion instead. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. They're beyond help, and its a choice. I can't feel bad about it anymore”   Anyway, sorry for the long tangent - I loved the video, I loved that Megstiel got some love but I am sad for my friends that ordered/received this gift that parts of fandom have blown it way out of proportion. I’m happy it’s given others some happiness. 

[pluckyredhead]

2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works

I was tagged by the lovely @irolltwenties​!

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

2020 was a hell year but I dealt with it by hyperfixating, mostly on Batboys and their very patient boyfriends. According to AO3 I’ve written 20 fics and 271K this year, although I have several WIPs on the go (one which is already 31K) so I definitely wrote over 300K total. Which. Um. Wow. (Plus 21K of a novel for the first time in ages.) Anyway I’m pretty pleased about that part of it, if nothing else in 2020.

Here are some of my favorites:

1. It Wouldn’t Be Make Believe (If You Believed In Me)

When Damian traces the source of a lethal new party drug to Metropolis University, it only makes sense to go undercover as a student to ferret out the culprits. He doesn't expect to run into Met U student Jon Kent, and he definitely doesn't expect to get mistaken for Jon's boyfriend. But hey, what harm could it do to play along?

This is going to get complicated fast.

Y’all know I love a fake dating fic, and I am so, so proud of this one. Jon and Damian have such distinct voices and switching back and forth between them was a ton of fun. I need to write more romcoms with these two, they deserve it.

2. Like the Wind Needs the Trees

It's been a couple years since Jason's seen Roy. He's not prepared for Roy to suddenly have a daughter.

He's even less prepared for how that makes him feel.

This was my first time writing Jason or JayRoy and I’m thrilled with how it came out. I think this Jason is voicier than my later ones, like I was trying a bit harder the first time, and I want to try to recapture that going forward. Plus I got to write the Arrowfamily being their loud beautiful selves, and the showdown between Jason and Ollie might be my favorite scene I’ve written all year.

3. I’ve Got the Feeling You’re the Right Thing After All

Roy Harper adores, resents, and envies Dick Grayson in equal measure. The only one who understands is Dick's brother Jason, which is part of why he and Jason get along so well. So when Roy and Jason fall into bed together, there's no reason for them to stop getting along. Roy can balance his friendship with Jason, his feelings for Dick, and the rising threat of a shadowy figure in Gotham's underworld without anyone getting hurt. Right?

This is the dynamic I wanted to write before I even really shipped JayRoy - the complicated, loving, resentful triangulation between Jason, Roy, and Dick, and the fallout when that goes wrong. It’s always nice when the idea you had in your head is basically what comes out on the page. Plus I’m very happy with the sex scenes in this one. ;)

4. Things My Heart Used to Know

Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne's beloved adopted son, was kidnapped when he was fifteen. He was never found.

Six years later, Roy Harper runs across a very familiar face, three thousand miles from Gotham. "Jay" has no last name, no memory, and no reason to believe he's a potential heir to Gotham's largest fortune. But with Bruce Wayne offering a five million dollar reward to anyone who can bring his son home, Roy and Jay figure it might be worth teaming up to claim the money, even if Jay is only a fraud.

Of course, if he's not a fraud, then things have just gotten a lot more complicated...

Anastasia is one of my favorite movies so this was super fun to write. This one surprised me - I didn’t expect Roy’s issues to come to the fore so prominently. I don’t tend to be the kind of writer who lets the characters take me where they may, so it’s always interesting when they do it anyway.

5. Some Cupid Kills With Arrows

Roy has been dead for a little over a year, and Jason isn't anywhere close to coping with his loss. Then Roy's ex, Cheshire, comes to Jason with shocking news and a plea for his help. As if that wasn't enough, there's a new assassin on the scene, and he's targeting archers. Jason couldn't save Roy, but maybe he can save Roy's family - and maybe there's more to this mysterious assassin than meets the eye.

I love writing epic action fics but I usually don’t because it’s not what fandom often seems to want? But I wanted to write fix-it fic and I wanted to write lots of Arrows and Bats and I wanted to write dumb pining Jason (again) so I did it anyway and I’m very glad I did. :D

Tagging: @queenitsy, @what-alchemy, @returnsandreturns, and @pomegranate-belle!

[lookbluesoup]

Hey Wyn! I Just read all of your Blue Soup series! I love it all!!! Every word of it is fantastic! I've been wanting to start writing Fanfiction for Fallout for a long time, but I've always been intimidated by the prospect of writing already-established characters and "ruining them" (especially characters like Piper, Preston and Nick, who I plan to make main characters in my story). Do you have any advice on dealing with this?

Hi Anon! Thanks so much for your kind words! ;w; I’m certainly no expert and know this fear personally, but I’ll ramble here about my process and how I try to think about things. Hopefully it can encourage you, too! :D I’ll add the disclaimer that this is what works for me, and what works for me might not work for others, that’s ok! 

First off - writing is for fun. Wanting to do justice to the characters and capture their essence is a great goal, and also a learning process. You don’t have to do it perfectly, nor should you try. Perfection implies there’s nothing more to learn or grow over, which is one, unachievable, and two, the death of innovation. Just do the best you can with what you know, and let your passion for the characters guide the process. And be gentle with yourself. 

Our own experiences and preferences will effect how we write these characters, what traits of theirs stand out to us, how we define their shape, at least in small ways, and that’s not inherently bad. Just like many different artists can draw a character in 100 different styles and that character is still recognizable and familiar (and enjoyable!), writers can emphasize 100 different facets of that character, too. If you’re putting your heart into it, you won’t ruin them. Saw a beautiful LotR post the other day about that, talking about how the movies are different from the books, but the love for the story and characters shows because the people who made those movies were passionate about it, and they’re worthy adaptations of the stories’ spirit. It’s the same for fanfiction.

It’s personally more fun for me to think about the writing process like I’m exploring a character rather than making a statement about a character, which are two very distinct mindsets for me. Exploring is fun, engaging, its ok to change your mind and edit or alter your story as you get new information. It’s like a puzzle, thinking through a character’s motivation, finding ways to incorporate that into a story. Making a statement is more 'fixed’, and implies pushing a narrative as the correct one, which adds a lot of pressure. Personally? I don’t like pressure hahaha 

Still - it’s hard not to feel obligated to do something to a certain standard for one reason or another. My anxiety likes to tell me lots of little lies, and it can be very convincing. When it strikes, working through my nerves is often harder than actually writing LOL

When I first started writing Fallout fanfic, I didn’t post it anywhere. That took a LOT of the pressure off, knowing that none of this needed to, or was even intended to be, shared with others who might judge. These stories were just between me and the characters. It was safe. I could work at my own pace and enjoy the process in my little tide pool. Since deciding to share them, I’ve been really grateful for the support readers have given! It feels good, I’m glad I found the courage to post them.

As for working out that puzzle of what seems most likely for a character, how to capture the heart of them, I love voice lines! Codex entries! Compilations! The best way to get to know a character is to spend time with them. I take Piper everywhere with me, I want to know what she thinks about everything, her character really struck a chord with me and, well, cue hyperfixation hahaha I use the Windows 10 Game Bar to record audio clips and have a massive archive of her voice lines. Flipping through these is a useful tool for me to get back into her “pattern” of speaking. All the Companions have distinct voices and tendencies, which is another neat aspect to writing them. I feel more confident knowing I had access to the source material. Also I just. Like listening to her voice sometimes. Shhh

Other great resources for this are the wiki (which has text files of most, if not all, each character’s dialogue lines and conversation trees) and youtube companion reaction comps - this SOUNDS like a lot of work. But for me at least I love it, it doesn’t feel like work because I’ll be excited looking for specific lines a la “how does she talk when she’s angry”, “what does she have to say about mirelurks”, you don’t have to keep everything about each character in your head memorized - these audio and text files are great archives to find what’s relevant to a scene quickly.

When I got into Fallout, I also got interested in 1950s movies, music, and even radio shows like Johnny Dollar and Green Hornet. This gave me context around the characters, too. For example, Piper’s kickass reporter vibes throw back to a lot of old sleuthing reporter tropes, and interpreting her actions through some of those filters felt more authentic to me than applying her behavior to a modern day setting or my own inclinations. I guess along with that I’d also say, take notes! Have an observation? Write it down in a notes file, or a google doc, somewhere you can sync between your devices and add to whenever you think about it. What stuff sticks out to you as important or defining for these characters, what trends do you notice? If you have bullet points written down, these also make great quick references. Here’s a few screenshots from the terror that is my notes docs:

You can see they’re just short notes or scribbled down thoughts that I can quickly reference if I’m wondering how she might act in a certain scene at a certain time! For me getting into a character’s headspace is often more of a feeling than any kind of scientific research, having easy access to these pointers helps put me in the right state of mind to jump into the creative pool and swim around and get soaked in - character goo - okay bad metaphor. Anyway,

None of these are rules that you have to follow or things that you have to do to get the characters “right”, they’re just potential tools that can help you find information to build off of, and hopefully feel more confident. Maybe something else is more useful to you with organizing or keeping your head clear for writing, it’s cool to experiment and find out what works for you!