#I love you all for your response to my last post

[munsonsmixtapes]

Pose

Evan "Buck" Buckley x fem!reader

summary: Buck gets a new camera and wanting nothing more than to take photos of his favorite subject

I saw that photo that Oliver posted on instagram and ran with it

"Just one smile," Buck pleaded as he held up the camera he was holding in his hands. He had just gotten it set up and was already begging to take pictures of you, claiming that you were his "favorite subject" as he chased you around his apartment, giggles falling from both of your mouths.

"Fine," you sighed from the other side of the island. "But only if I get to take some of you."

"That's now how it works. Besides, the camera loves you the most. Now smile for me." You reluctantly smiled for the camera, trying to keep your eyes open when it flashed. He took a couple more then moved to show them to you and you had to admit that he really had a talent for photography, wondering if you could have convinced him to do it on the side when he wasn't on duty.

"You really know how to kiss up, don't you?" You asked as you jumped up onto the counter and Buck as was quick to stand between your legs.

"Only because I learned from the best," he smiled, leaning in for a kiss. You were quick to capture his bottom lips between your two, letting yourself get swept up in the moment until you heard a click, quickly pulling away to see the camera lens pointed at your faces.

"Oh yeah," he commented, looking down at the screen. "This is the one. That's definitely going to be my lockscreen."

"Will you send that to me?”

“Of course,” he nodded, going in for another kiss before heading up to the loft.

You followed him and you found yourself itching to take a picture of him as he was taking off his t-shirt. You quickly brought the camera up and snapped a photo at just at the right moment and Buck paused as soon he realized what you were doing.

“What are you doing?” He asked with a chuckle.

“Admiring you,” you replied, continuing to snap pictures of your boyfriend as he threw on his t-shirt and the he just laughed in response, suddenly feeling shy about being on the other side of the camera.

“Now c’mon, give me some more to work with. The camera loves ya, baby.”

“How’s this?” He asked, putting his shirt on before moving to the window, looking out it while leaning against it with his hand, his other moving to rest on his hip.

“Real hot, baby,” you replied, snapping some more photos. “This is definitely going in the calendar.”

“Calendar?” He asked as he turned around, pressing his back against the window, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well, I have to do something with all these photos,” you replied. “So I’m going to make my own personal calendar with them.”

“I’m honestly surprised you haven’t asked me to put on my uniform yet,” he said with a chuckle then his eyes widened as a wide grin broke out on your face.

“Me too. Go get it, would you?” You asked, your eyes pleading.

“You’re lucky that I love you and that I happened to bring it home last night.” Buck pushed off the window and pressed a kiss to your forehead before descending the stairs to retrieve his uniform, already shaking his head at what you were going to make him do. God, he really did love you and was only doing it to make you happy. And who knew, maybe he actually would have had fun doing it.

[1luvkarina]

birthday surprise

bebe

pairing - bada lee x black fem! reader

genre - gxg, fluff, dancer x dancer, slight angst,

synopsis - in which, bada believes that her girlfriend had forgotten her birthday only to be surprised by the jam republic member when filming had finished

a/n - really old fic from last year, but why not post it today? takes place during street woman fighter 2

September 22nd, 2023 was the date…but it wasn’t just any date today was Bada’s birthday, which all of Team Bebe had surprised their leader with a birthday cake and a small party in their team room. Everyone had told Bada ‘happy birthday’ well everyone except for her girlfriend, Y/n Dodgen, Kristen’s older sister and a member of Jam Republic.

Bada was expecting a ‘happy birthday’ text or a phone call from her girlfriend which she didn’t receive at all. Did she do something? Was Y/n losing feelings for her? All Bada could think about was the worse of the worse as she and the rest of Bebe sat in their spot in the fight zone.

Meanwhile the members of Jam Republic were inside of their team room watching as Y/n paced the room anxiously in front of them. Kristen stared at her older sister in amusement as she paced the room while the others were trying to calm their teammate down.

“Y/n, I’m sure Bada would love your gift.” Audrey says softly causing the twenty-seven year old who let out a quiet whine in response.

“What if she doesn’t like it? What if she hates it? What if she breaks—” Y/n says only to be cut off by Ling.

“Don’t even think about finishing that sentence.” Ling says sternly towards her best friend who looked at her with a pout.

“Y/n, I’m pretty sure that you being around her is the only thing that could ever make Bada happy.” Latrice says, giving her friend a soft smile as she sighed and sat down on the couch.

“I’m just nervous, you know?” Y/n says as she lifts her knees to her chest.

“It’s okay for you to be nervous sis, plus you didn’t spend these past few weeks trying to get Bada the perfect gift for nothing.” Kirsten says, placing a hand on her older sister’s shoulder.

“Kirsten’s right,” Emma says which caused Y/n to give them both small smiles. “Now let’s go before we’re late.”

The five laughed at Emma as they all stood up and walked out of their team room and made their way to the fight zone.

While waiting for the rest of the teams to arrive, Bada was staring down at her hands sadly which didn’t go unnoticed by the rest of her crew. Lusher and Kyma looked at each other worriedly before Tatter placed a hand onto her leader’s shoulder gaining the older girl's attention.

“You okay?” Tatter asked as Bada shrugged her shoulders in response.

“Is this because you haven’t heard from Y/n at all today?” CheChe asked, causing Bebe’s leader to freeze at the question.

“Yeah, it is.” Bada says as she lets out a soft sigh, “I don’t know, my brain has me wondering if she’s mad at me or if she’s losing feelings.”

Once the last part left her mouth Minah looked at her leader in shock and disbelief, while the others were shocked by Bada’s words.

“Lee Bada, don’t you dare say something like that ever again!” Minah exclaimed, gaining the attention of the members from Deep N Dap, 1Million and Mannequeen who had looked at Team Bebe curiously wondering what they were talking about.

“But-” Bada says before being cut off by Minah, who only glared at her causing Lusher and Kyma to laugh softly.

“Not buts.” Minah says sternly as Bada nodded fearfully knowing that if she continued the younger girl would probably beat her in front of everyone.

“Bada, Y/n loves you a lot.” Soweon says softly, placing a hand on her leader's shoulder.

“Yeah, I mean have you not seen the way she looks at you whenever you’re dancing?” Kyma says, causing CheChe and Soweon to both giggle.

“Or the way her face would turn bright red whenever you look at her?” Tatter asked, causing Bada to chuckle in response.

“What we’re trying to say is that she loves you deeply and would never lose feelings for you.” Lusher says as the others nodded in agreement with her.

“Yeah, and if she was mad at you I’m pretty sure Kirsten or one of the others would have told you why.” Minah says before glancing over at the stairs when she hears the sound of footsteps and the voices of Jam Republic.

The six members were talking amongst each other about something as they walked down the stairs gaining the attention of the other teams, who had looked over at the six foreigners, but more at Y/n who was wearing one of Bada’s hoodies in her wardrobe for filming today.

Taking notice of this, Bada smiled at the sight as Jam Republic walked past her and her team and sat down, Y/n and Audrey both engaged in a serious conversation about cake flavors while the other four listened to the two in amusement.

“I’m telling you, vanilla is the best flavor.” Audrey says as Y/n laughed dryly and scoffed.

“Red velvet is by far the best flavor.” Y/n says as she crossed her arms and leaned back in her spot.

“Whatever you say, Y/n/n.” Audrey says while laughing softly at the older girl before looking over at Team Bebe who was already staring at them. “Hey guys!”

A series of hellos and hi’s came from the seven girls as Y/n looked over at the light blue team, her eyes locking with Bada’s who gave her a raised eyebrow at the sight of her chosen outfit for the day which she only gave a soft smile in response.

Once Daniel came out everyone went into serious mode as he explained what the mission for this episode was going to be and so forth. After filming ended everyone was making their way back to their team rooms all saying ‘happy birthday’ to Bada which she thanked them as they walked by.

“Y/n/n, you coming?” Latrice asked the older girl who was still sitting down fiddling with the present that she had gotten Bada inside of the hoodie pocket.

“Yeah, just give me a moment.” Y/n says, causing Latrice to nod as she joined the rest of Jam Republic who was walking up the stairs with the other members of Team Bebe.

Y/n had stood up and walked towards Bada who was tying her shoe not noticing her girlfriend that was now standing right in front of her before she sat up and locked eyes with the younger girl.

“Hey..” Y/n said softly as she gave Bada a soft smile which she had returned.

“Hey.” Bada says as Y/n sat down beside her and tapped her fingers along her thigh. “So~, what’s up?”

Y/n laughed softly at the question, “Nothing really just wanted to give you something.”

Bada raised an eyebrow as she watched Y/n pull out a box from the hoodie pocket and hand it to her silently. Taking the box from the shorter girl, Bada slowly opened it to reveal a silver heart shaped locket.

“Y/n, you didn’t have to.” Bada says, she looked at her girlfriend who laughed.

“But I wanted to, you deserve the world baby.” Y/n says softly before she was pulled into a kiss by her girlfriend.

“Why have the world, when I already have you?” Bada whispered into the kiss causing Y/n to giggle softly.

“Awww!” the members of both Jam Republic and Bebe exclaimed as they watched the scene from above causing the couple to look at them.

“Really?” Bada asked in annoyance as she looked up at them, making them all laugh.

“Sorry!” Kirsten exclaimed while laughing, before walking away with everyone else leaving the couple.

“Come on, I made dinner reservations for us.” Y/n says while standing up and pulling Bada along in the process.

[prodigal-san]

Ahhh I love this Au!!!! So where is Lilith this whole time? Did she peace out to heaven???

Does Alastor think Lucifer is at least a handsome spitfire?

Does Ozzie know where Luci went too or he like a parent that waits by the phone for a call from their wayward kid? What did they fight about?

Sorry for so many question I just really like this Au!!! And your design for Luci is so good!!

I’m so happy people love this AU 😭💛💛✨ I really like the canon dynamic don’t get me wrong but having them switch roles scratches an itch in my brain you guys don’t even knooooow

Ohhh Lilith is… somewhere hehe. That’s a bit spoiler-y but she too went off somewhere to recover from her last fight with Alastor. It was very messy.

Hmmm Alastor being an angel never really understood attractiveness or sex appeal. He wasn’t really built for that stuff, y’know? This will be his version of being asexual in this AU.

That being said…… Luci just brings out certain feelings in him HAHAHAHA I can imagine Alastor demanding Luci “to take responsibility” when all Luci did was “hold his hand” 🤣🤣🤣 Shadow!Al knows better though and is just embarrassed 😶‍🌫️

Ozzie and Luci’s fight… well, kids fight with their parents all the time, right? I wanted to mirror Charlie’s falling out with Lucifer in the series here. As for what they fought about, well… I’ll keep that to myself too ‘cuz spoilers xD

Oh no, by all means keep going!! This is getting me pumped HAHAHA I might finally post the fic at this rate xDDD

[daughter-of-sapph0]

what do you gain from sending cruel anons? satisfaction? approval from others? does someone pay you to do it? I never understood why you freaks do that bullshit. it's useless anyway.

I'm not publishing your anonymous ask. no one deserves to look at that slop.

it doesn't even hurt me. nothing you say to me can be worse than the pain I've already felt. your words mean nothing to me. you can tell me to kill myself all you want. you'll never be louder than the voice in my head who almost convinced me to do it.

I've already reached my lowest point in my life. I've gotten better. I love myself too much to let you take that away from me.

you, on the other hand, are sitting alone in your room and copypasting the same generic message to random trans people you see online, because your life has literally no value, because you will never do anything of note, because you're unworthy of any sort of affection from others, and you will die alone, unhappy, unfulfilled, unaccomplished, and your last dying wish as you sit on your death bed surrounded by no one is that you could have spent more time being a cruel heartless bigoted irredeemable cunt to people online.

meanwhile I'll be living my best life. I'll forget about your entire existence later this afternoon. I'll continue to spend time with the people I love, and help spread positivity to people who need it. I will outlast you. I'll live my life to the fullest while you rot in your isolation. I will outlive you. my legacy will continue after I'm gone while people will try and pretend that your ilk never existed. I will outlove you. I will be a reminder that your negativity and hatred is but a momentary stain on existence that will be washed away by unconditional love and support.

I'm no longer speaking to that anonymous asker. instead I address this to my followers, as well as anyone else who may see this post: do not answer anon hate ever. it's not worth it. those people do not care about your response, and only receive gratification from seeing you suffer.

I know a lot of you weren't online in ye olden days. but back then, we had rules for the internet. and one of them is to never feed the trolls. feeding the trolls mean they win. somewhere along the line some of them managed to convince people that blocking the trolls means they win. that's not true. blocking means you win because you'll never have to see their disgusting horrendous comments again. the block button is your best friend. use it.

if you get anon hate, delete it. block the sender (which I'm pretty sure now ip blocks whoever sent the ask), and if it continues, turn of anons, or even turn off asks in general. do not let them hurt you. do not engage. do not respond. do not answer them. they aren't looking for a debate. and you won't change their mind. answering their ask just exposes their slop to all your followers. and none of them want to see that shit.

remember that for every hateful anon message you get, there are 100 people who love you unconditionally and care about you. do not let the loud hateful minority win.

maybe what I'm doing counts as feeding the troll. I'm not directly answering their ask, but I'm still getting involved. but fuck it. I'm turning their hate into positivity. I'm using this as a moment to spread awareness to others.

if you're a person on the internet who's received hateful messages, especially if you're trans, I promise you that you're not alone. ignore them. find people who care about you and love you. I promise that the small annoying obnoxious voice does not represent the opinions of society as a whole. I promise that nothing they say is true. I promise that you are loved. unconditionally. forever. simply because you are you.

[hannahluvsbillie]

was it ever casual?

part 1

✮ pairing : billie eilish x reader

✮ cw: nothing too heavy, angst (kind of)

ᡣ𐭩 a/n: sorry for the wait!! my tumblr hasn’t been letting me post anything! but we’re here now and that’s all that matters. thank you sm for all the love on part one, it means everything to hear you like my writing 🥺🥺

the rain pitter patters on the window of billie’s car, it was pitch black with the exception of a few small streetlights in the empty parking lot.

it was damn near silent in the car, only the sounds of soft music playing were heard.

at least it was, until you got a notification.

you pick up your phone from the console, seeing a text from some random person you gave your number to at a party last week because he wouldn’t stop bugging you.

“hey, wanna meet up soon? still in la for the week.”

the text read.

billie’s eyes glance over at your phone, out of your peripheral vision you see her brows furrow at the message.

your eyes dart to billie, and you immediately put your phone down. not wanting her to see the message.

this just makes her brows furrow further, and her face contort a little.

“who’s that?” she asks, her voice stern. the hand that was once on your thigh moves back to her own, silently telling you she’s suspicious.

“don’t worry about it.” you say, glancing over at her and putting your phone under your thigh. you didn’t intent to mock her statement from the last meet up you had, but it just came out.

these past few times you’ve hung out with her, you’ve been noticing the abundance of notifications she gets while you’re together. you try to comfort yourself by saying it’s just her friends, or her family blowing up her phone. but you know, you know it’s other girls.

“im worried about it, who else is talking to my girl?” she states, the smallest hint of playfulness in her voice.

“my girl.” the nickname always seemed to find its way into her words while she was with you, but the once meaningful nickname that used to give you butterflies has lost meaning. how many other girls does she call “my girl” ?

you look away, you find yourself feeling annoyed at her words. she does the same shit to you, so why should she be mad about it?

“it’s not like we’re dating.” you say, glancing over at her only to see her brows raised at your comment. you were never this feisty with her, what did she do?

she moves her head just enough to look into your eyes, her brows still raised in surprise. “yeah, we aren’t. but i wanna know if my girl’s talking to someone else.” she says coldly.

your brows raise, matching her expression. you shake your head in disbelief, how could she be so dismissive?

“billie, you do the same fucking thing.” you say, your voice seems to have lost that soft, sweet, gentle tone it regularly has when you speak to billie.

“that’s- that’s different ma.” she says, feeling like she’d just been called out on her bullshit.

you shake your head once again, your hands fiddle with themselves in your lap.

“how is that any different? they blow up your phone constantly and when i ask you about it you brush me off.” you say softly, turning your head to meet her gaze.

she rolls her eyes at your response, starting to get agitated with you.

“because you’re my girl y/n. no one else’s.” she says, her eyes shooting darts into yours.

that doesn’t sound very causal, but to hell with causal at this point.

“i wish i could say that about you billie.” you say, shooting her a glare.

“oh my god- baby. we’ve been through this a million times. they don’t mean anything to me.” she says, her voice starting to get more cold by the second. how could she just lie to you like that?

you turn to face her, you can’t hold back anymore.

“bullshit.” you say coldly, her eyebrows raise in response.

“if i meant anything to you i wouldn’t be sitting in your car at 1 in the morning- let alone letting you eat me out in your car, or only meeting with you in secluded places, or the fact you won’t text me back for a week. it’s like im only here when your bored.” you ramble, finally letting your feelings spill out. it felt nice to call her out, even though you knew she wouldn’t tell the truth.

“baby- y/n- you know damn well it’s not like that.” she says, looking at you with furrowed brows.

in all honesty, billie didn’t know you felt like that. so what she’d talk to other girls, you were still the one she saw the most.

“so what is it then?” you ask sharply, furrowing your brows at her. you had to swallow the lump that was forming in your throat.

she looks away, trying to think of a way to possibly answer that question.

“we’re just- a casual thing y/n, don’t act like it’s more then that because it’s not.” she says coldly, her response shooting daggers into your heart.

a moment of silence falls between billie and you, neither of you knew what to say, or what was the right thing to do.

but you knew one thing, you couldn’t keep doing this with her. if that’s how she really feels, then you two aren’t on the same page.

it’s not causal when you look at her like she hung the damn stars every time she speaks.

“just- take me home billie.” you say, looking into her eyes. you were so tired of begging for her to choose you. it’s all that you’ve done is beg for her attention this whole- situationship. or whatever the fuck you wanted to call it.

she scoffed in disbelief, shaking her head. her hand went down to the shift and put the car into drive.

“god damn it- fine.”

[vinnsley]

This is a part 2 to THIS post right here requested by: @sethmp3! Thank you for all the love on my last norton post :3

(EDIT: So i definitely forgotten what event happens when, so i'm terribly sorry if it's super off from canon, but if it is, ig this can count as an AU then or smth😭)

TW: Mention of blood, pickaxe (?? does this even need a tw), murder, death, gun... thats it i think

[--------------]

At first, no nobody pestered you about you and Norton's relationship, but soon enough, curiosity always kills the cat.

Comments about how close the two of you were, suggestive comments asking if theres something between the two of you... the list could go on forever.

But the 3 didn't have that many chances of actually investigating this matter, due to either you sticking by Norton, or vice versa.

Which you were lowkey thankful, actually. You didn’t like when people tried to get into your personal affairs, much less Norton's. That part always infuriated you, no matter how you look at it.

But when you were alone, walking towards your room which was the neighbouring room of Alice's room, someone grabbed your arm which made you freeze, as you were pulled inside a room, you out of insticnt hit the perpetrator, who turned out to be... Orpheus?

You questioned what was happening as he rubbed his face you just hit. Not so softly, might i add.

Alice, who was sitting on her bed looked over at you, and explained the situation, While Melly was looking over Orpheus, just watching to see if he got seriously injured.

Turns out, there was more to Kreiburg than you thought, which actually, made a lot of sense to you. Ever since he introduced himself, you knew he was probably a douchebag with intentions not so friendly.

And now knowing that it was confirmed that he was a fishy individual, you agreed to help investigate with the three.

Next morning, you woke up, had breakfast, and went to Alice's room.

What you noticed, was that Norton was nowhere to be found. Weird. He always waited for you before and after breakfast after you two reunited.

But you brushed it aside, thinking he just wanted space like he usually did at times, just a break from the world. So you didn’t think of on his door to check on him.

With Alice, the two of you went out of her room, chatting about a few things, before you both noticed Kreiburg... leaving the mansion.

You thought that leaving the mansion while waiting for the owner was... prohibited. Or something like that.

So what was Your and Alice's bright idea? Of course, go after Kreiburg and find out if he actually is hiding something behind that cold mask.

As the pair slowly stalked followed after the man, they noticed that Kreiburg stopped. The two of you quickly hid behind a tall bush, before glancing at eachother with unease as Kreiburg said that he knew someone was there, and he advises them to come out this instant.

His steps could be heard against the grass, drying leaves crunching against his boots that made a shiver run up both if your spines. It was either you two give yourselves up now... or you might never see the light of day again.

Before you could sacrifice yourself, Orpheus suddenly appeared, holding you back as he put a finger to his lips, shushing the both of you as he revealed himself.

Kreiburg seemed distracted enough. Having a chat Orpheus, telling him about some of his life, how this... horse racing place or whatever it was called was connected to his family — his past.

And the mention of a box. A box that was definitely hidden somewhere around these horse racing grounds, as Kreiburg said.

Alice glanced over at you, and nodded to the side as the pair of men went the other way, trying to look for this box that Kreiburg mentioned.

You nodded in response, as the two of you bolt to the other side, going to the three hills that seemed a bit awfully suspicious.

As Alice began digging up one of the hills, you watched as she worked the dirt with her hands, before she felt something hard against her palm.

Alice quickly started digging further, before she reached inside the small hole, and grabbed... a box. This was probably the box Kreiburg mentioned.

Before the two of you could open it though, you heard steps coming your way aswell as small talk you couldn't decipher.

The two of you quickly hid behind one of the hills and waited the outcome of what might happen.

As the men arrived, Kreiburg commented about how somebody was faster than them. Or should he say... somebodies were faster than him.

That's how every one of you knew you were busted. Accepting your fate, the two of you slowly revealed themselves, Alice holding the box.

After a bit of ranting from Kreiburg to which you in all honesty, did not focus in at all, he opened his cane to reveal... a gun.

You and Alice's eyes widened, aswell as Orpheus'.

Kreiburg instructed Alice to put the box infront of her, three steps onward.

Hesitantly, she did. She put down the box before stepping back beside you. Kreiburg immedieatly took that opprotunity to grab the box as fast as he could, but not before he threatend the three of you.

If any of you three decided to turn around before the gun shot, it would be the last thing you'd hear. Creepy, you admit it.

Neither of you three turn around. Waiting for the gunshot as you close your eyes shut. Counting mentally to yourself before you hear the loud gunshot go off.

As the three of you quickly turn around... you realized, Kreiburg ran away. Escaped.

Fuck! But no atleast you three knew he was as fishy as he looked since the start.

The three of you try to get out, but you see that the entrance gates... are locked? What?

They weren't locked when you three entered. This was weird. Probably Kreiburg trying to stall you.

Orpheus found a generator and said he's gonna try to decode it, while Alice and you find nearby ciphers to decode. Since somehow... Orpheus knew a lot about these.

When you asked him how he knows, he just replied with 'I am a writer, i do research of things i write.' Damn man.

You part ways, now jogging alone trough this nightmare maze-like place as you finally find a cipher, starting to decode it, which... somehow you actually knew how to do, even if you had 0 idea what this thing even did.

But as you decoded, your heart started thumping louder and louder inside your chest. Like a warning. You looked around, but saw nothing so you shrugged it off. Maybe it was the caffein and the nights you spent awake getting to you.

But the thumping didn't go away. It onky intensified, aswell as your gut began to churn. A cold shiver running down your spine as you felt like you were being watched. Stalked.

You started to turn left and right more frequently now, it was like something was nearby. Lurking. Maybe waiting. But you didn’t want to guess, as you suddenly made a dash for it.

And you were correct.

Loud thumping behind you could be heard. Someone or... something was chasing after you from behind. Their feet making louder noise than a regular humans would.

You took a sharp turn, and were met with a dead end. You pant, exhausted already from sprinting so much. As you tried to go forward the same path you went on, you felt a sudden pain in your back, letting out a shout as you suddenly got a speed boost, running to... whatever, at this point.

Your lungs felt like they could give out at any moment, you were holding onto your side in pain, you could also feel the bloody flesh of your back against the suddenly cool air of the race place.

You got more unnerved from the blood that you felt trickling down your back and stained your jacket you wore today. Aswell as your hands as you tried to wipe it away, trying to atleast get rid of the uncomfortable feeling if you were already running out of breath, quite literally.

Your body felt weak. It became more heavy then you felt it was before, your feet thumping harshly against the leaves, branches and many other things you stepped on while... running from god knows what.

As you reached a small barricade, you decided jumping over it would be a good way to give you some loop hole against your hunter—

Another sharp pain, but this time to your left side as you collapsed on the floor, writhing in pain as blood began to pool underneath your body from your open wounds.

You whined and whimpered, trying to crawl away before giving up. You couldn't do anything, your body was giving up on you. Your lungs were burning, the air was much, much more cooler than when you arrived.

You turned over on your back, to atleast see who or what was hunting you down like a bloodthirsty animal desperate for prey.

Your eyes widen. This... wasn't a person at all! It seemed like it's... body was...made out of stone? Or was it coal? You couldn't tell from your blurry vision. You could make out the big shadow of a pickaxe... If it even was a pickaxe in the first place.

But upon looking at it's face... it's face seemed very familiar. You just... Couldn't put your finger on it. The black hair, the scar over one if it's eye... the helmet? It all seemed so familiar yet you couldn't pin point why it so familiar.

But before you could think more about it, you saw the.. monster-human hybrid grab it's pickaxe harder, lifting it up over it's shoulder, getting ready to swing at you.

Before it smashed your head into a million different pieces, you whispered out your last words.

'I love you, Norton.'

[demigod-of-the-agni]

Spider-Man India, but... where from India?

A SUPER long post featuring talks of: cultural identity, characterisation, the caste system, and what makes Spider-Man Spider-Man.

I’m prefacing this by saying that I am a second-generation immigrant. I was born in Australia, but my cultural background is from South India. My experiences with what it means to be “Indian” is going to be very different from the experiences of those who are born and brought up in India.

If you, reader, want to add anything, please reblog and add your thoughts. This is meant to be a post open for discussion — the more interaction we get, the better we become aware of these nuances.

So I made this poll asking folks to pick a region of India where I would draw Pavitr Prabhakar in their cultural wear. This idea had been on my mind for a long while now, as I had been inspired by Annie Hazarika’s Northeastern Spidey artwork in the wake of ATSV’s release, but never got the time to actually do it until now. I wanted to get a little interactive and made the poll so I could have people choose which of the different regions — North, Northeast, Central, East, West, South — to do first.

The outcome was not what I expected. As you can see, out of 83 votes:

THE RESULTS

South India takes up almost half of all votes (44.6%), followed by Northeast and Central (both 14.5%) and then East (13.3%). In all my life growing up, support towards or even just the awareness of South India was pretty low. Despite this being a very contained poll, why would nearly half of all voters pick South India in favour of other popular choices like Central or North India?

Then I thought about the layout of the poll: Title, Options, Context.

Title: "Tell us who you want to see…"

Options: North, Northeast, Central, East, West, South

Context: I want to make art of the boy again

At first I thought: ah geez. this is my fault. I didn't make the poll clear enough. do they think I want them to figure out where Pavitr came from? That's not what I wanted, maybe I should have added the context before the options.

Then I thought: ah geez. is it my fault for people not reading the entire damn thing before clicking a button? That's pretty stupid.

But regardless, the thought did prompt a line of thinking I know many of us desi folk have been considering since Spider-Man India was first conceived — or, at least, since the announcement that he was going to appear in ATSV. Hell, even I thought of it:

Where did Spider-Man India come from?

FROM A CULTURALLY DIVERSE INDIA

As we know, India is so culturally diverse, and no doubt ATSV creators had to take that into account. Because the ORIGINAL Spider-Man India came from Mumbai — most likely because Mumbai and Manhattan both started with the same letter.

But going beyond that, it’s also because Mumbai is one of the most recognisable cities in India - it’s also known as Bombay. It’s where Bollywood films are shot. It’s where superstar Hindi actors and actresses show up. Mumbai is synonymous with India in that regard, because the easiest way Western countries can interact with Indian culture is through BOLLYWOOD, through HINDI FILMS, through MUMBAI. Suddenly, India is Mumbai, India is a Hindi-only country, India is just this isolated thing we see through an infinitely narrow lens.

We’ve gotten a little better in recent years, but boy I will tell you how uncomfortable I’ve gotten when people (yes, even desi people) come up to me and tell me, Oh, you’re Indian right? Can you speak Hindi? Why don’t you speak Hindi? You’re not Indian if you don’t speak Hindi, that’s India’s national language!

I have been — still am — so afraid of telling people that I don’t speak Hindi, that I’m Tamil, that I don’t care that Hindi is India’s “national” language (it’s an administrative language, Kavin, get your fucking facts right). It’s weird, it’s isolating, and it has made me feel like I wasn’t “Indian” enough to be accepted into the group of “Indian” people.

So I am thankful that ATSV went out of their way to integrate as much variety of Indian culture into the Mumbattan sequence. Maybe that way, the younger generation of desi folk won’t feel so isolated, and that younger Western people will be more open to learning about all these cultural differences within such a vast country.

BUT WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH SPIDER-MAN INDIA?

Everything, actually. There’s a thing called supremacy. You might have heard of it. We all engaged with it at some point, and if you are Indian, no matter where you live, it is inescapable.

It happens the moment you are born — who your family is, where you are born, the language you speak, the colour of your skin; these will be bound to you for life, and it is nigh impossible to break down the stereotypes associated with them.

Certain ethnic groups will be more favourable than others (Centrals, and thus their cultures, will always be favoured over than Souths, as an example) and the same can be said for social groups (Brahmins are more likely to secure influential roles in politics or other areas like priesthood, while the lowers castes, especially Dalits, aren’t even given the decency of respect). Don’t even get me started on colourism, where obviously those of fairer skin will win the lottery while those of darker skin aren’t given the time of day. It’s even worse when morality ties into it — “lighter skinned Indians, like Brahmins, embody good qualities like justice and wisdom”, “dark skinned Indians are cunning and poor, they are untrustworthy”. It’s fucking nuts.

This means, of course, you have a billion people trying to make themselves heard in a system that tries to crush everyone who is not privileged. It only makes sense that people want to elevate themselves and break free from a society that refuses to acknowledge them. These frustrations manifest outwardly, like in protests, but other times — most times — it goes unheard, quietly shaping your way of life, your way of thinking. It becomes a fundamental part of you, and it can go unacknowledged for generations.

So when you have a character like Pavitr Prabhakar enter the scene, people immediately latch onto him and start asking questions many Western audiences don’t even consider. Who is he? What food does he eat? What does he do on Fridays? What’s his family like, his community? All these questions pop up, because, amidst all this turmoil going on in the background, you want a mainstream popular character to be like you, who knows your way of life so intimately, that he may as well be a part of your community.

BUT THAT'S THE THING — HE'S FICTIONAL

I am guilty of this. In fact, I’ve flaunted in numerous posts how I think he’s the perfect Tamil boy, how he dances bharatanatyam, how he does all these Tamil things that no one will understand except myself. All these niche things that only I, and maybe a few others, will understand.

I’ve seen other people do it, too. I’ve seen people geek out over his dark brown skin, his kalari dhoti, how he fights so effortlessly in the kalaripayattu martial arts style. I’ve seen people write him as Malayali, as Hindi, as every kind of Indian person imaginable.

I’ve also seen him be written where he’s subjected to typical Indian and broader Asian stereotypes. You know the ones I’m so fond of calling out. The thing is, I’ve seen so much of Pavitr being presented in so many different ways, and I worry how the rest of the desi folk will take it. 

You finally have a character who could be you, but now he’s someone else’s plaything. Your entire life is shaped by what you can and can’t do simply because you were born to an Indian family, and here’s the one person who could represent you now at the mercy of someone else’s whims. He’s off living a life that is so distant from yours, you can hardly recognise him.

It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does, yeah? But, again, you’re looking at it from that infinitely narrow lens Westerners use to look at India from Bollywood.

AND PAVITR PRABHAKAR DOESN'T LIVE IN INDIA

He lives in Mumbattan. He lives in a made-up, fictional world that doesn’t follow the way of life of our world. He lives in a city where Mumbai and Manhattan got fucking squashed together. There are so many memes about colonialism right there. Mumbattan isn’t real! Spider-Man India isn’t real!! He’s just a dude!! The logic of our world doesn’t apply to him!!!

“But his surname originates from ______” okay but does that matter?

“But he’s wearing a kalari dhoti so surely he’s ______” okay but does that matter?

“But his skin colour is darker so he must be ______” okay but does that matter?

“But he lives in Mumbai so he must be ______” okay but does that matter?

I sound insensitive and brash and annoying and it looks like I’m yapping just for the sake of riling you up, so direct that little burst of anger you got there at me, and keep reading.

Listen. I’m going to ask you a question that I’ve asked myself a million times over. I want you to answer honestly. I want you to ask this question to yourself and answer honestly:

Are you trying to convince me on who Pavitr Prabhakar should be?

... but why shouldn't i?

I’ll tell you this again — I did the same thing. You’re not at fault for this, but I want you to just...have a little think over. Just a little moment of self-reflection, to think about why you are so intent on boxing this guy.

It took me a while to reorganise my thinking and how to best approach a character like Pavitr, so I will give you all the time you need as well as a little springboard to focus your thoughts on.

SPIDER-MAN (INDIA) IS JUST A MASK

“What I like about the costume is that anybody reading Spider-Man in any part of the world can imagine that they themselves are under the costume. And that’s a good thing.”

Stan Lee said that. Remember how he was so intent on making sure that everybody got the idea that Spider-Man as an entity is fundamentally broken without Peter Parker there to put on the suit and save the day? That ultimately it was the person beneath the mask, no matter who they were, that mattered most?

Spider-Man India is no less different. You can argue with me that Peter Parker!Spidey is supposed to represent working class struggles in the face of leering corporate entities who endanger the regular folk like us, and so Pavitr Prabhakar should also function the same way. Pavitr should also be a working class guy of this specific social standing fighting people of this other social standing.

But that takes away the authenticity of Spider-Man India. Looking at him through the Peter Parker lens forces you to look at him through the Western lens, and it significantly lessens what you can do with the character — suddenly, it’s a fight to be heard, to be seen, to be recognised. It’s yelling over each other that Pavitr Prabhakar is this ethnicity, is that caste, this or that, this or that, this or that.

There’s a reason why he’s called Spider-Man India, infuriatingly vague as it is. And that’s the point — the vagueness of his identity fulfils Lee’s purpose for a character that could theoretically be embodied by anyone. If he had been called “Spider-Man Mumbai”, you cut out a majority of the population (and in capitalist terms, you cut out a good chunk of the market).

And in the case of Spider-Man India? Whew — you’ve got about a billion people imagining a billion different versions of him.

Whoever you are, whatever you see in Pavitr, that is what is personal to you, and there is nothing wrong with that, and I will not fault you for it. I will not fault you for saying Pavitr is from Central due to the origins of his last name. I also will not fault you for saying Pavitr is from South due to him practising kalaripayattu. I also will not fault you for saying he is not Hindu. I also will not fault you for saying he is a particular ethnicity without any proof.

What I will fault you for is trying to convince me and the others around you that Pavitr Prabhakar should be this particular ethnicity/have this cultural background because of some specific reason. I literally don’t care and it is fundamentally going against his character, going against the “anyone can wear the mask” sentiment of Spider-Man. By doing this, you are strengthening the walls that first divided us. You’re feeding the stratification and segmentation of our cultures — something that is actually not present in the fictional world of Mumbattan.

Like I said before: Mumbattan isn’t real, so the divides between ethnicities and cultural backgrounds are practically nonexistent. The best thing is that it is visually there for all to see. My favourite piece of evidence is this:

It’s a marquee for a cinema in the Mumbattan sequence, in the “Quick tour: this is where the traffic is” section. It has four titles; the first two are written in Hindi. The third title is written in Bengali*, and the fourth title is written in Tamil. You go to Mumbai and you won’t see a single shred of Bengali nor Tamil there, much less any other language that's not common in Maharashtra (Western India). Seeing this for the first time, you know what went through my head?

Wow, the numerous cultures of India are so intermingled here in Mumbattan! Everyone and everything is welcome!

I was happy, not just because of Tamil representation, but because of the fact that the plethora of Indian cultures are showcased coexisting in such a short sequence. This is India embracing all the little parts that make up its grander identity. This scene literally opened my eyes seeing such beauty in all the diverse cultures thriving together. In a place where language and cultural backgrounds blend so easily, each one complementing one another.

It is so easy to believe that, from this colourful palette of a setting, Pavitr Prabhakar truly is Spider-Man India, no matter where he comes from.

It’s easy to believe that Pavitr can come from any part of India, and I won’t call you out if the origin you have for him is different from the origin I have. You don’t need to stake out territory and stand your ground — you’re entitled to that opinion, and I respect it. In fact, I encourage it!!!

Because there’s only so much you can show in a ten minute segment of a film about a country that has such a vast history and even greater number of cultures. I want to see all of it — I want him to be a Malayali boy, a Hindi boy, a Bengali boy, a Telugu boy, an Urdu boy, whatever!! I want you to write him or draw him immersed in your culture, so that I can see the beauty of your background, the wonderful little things that make your culture unique and different from mine!

And, as many friends have said, it’s so common for Indian folks to be migrating around within our own country. A person with a Maharashtrian surname might end up living in Punjab, and no one really minds that. I’m actually from Karnataka, my family speaks Kannada, but somewhere down the line my ancestors moved to Tamil Nadu and settled down and lived very fulfilling lives. So I don’t actually have the “pure Tamil” upbringing, contrary to popular belief; I’ve gotten a mix of both Kannada and Tamil lifestyles, and it’s made my life that much richer. 

So it’s common for people to “not” look like their surname, if that’s what you’re really afraid about. In fact, it just adds to that layer of nuance, that even despite these rigid identities between ethnicities we as Indian people still intermingle with one another, bringing slivers of our cultures to share with others. Pavitr could just as well have been born in one state and moved around the country, and he happens to live in Mumbattan now. It’s entirely possible and there’s nothing to disprove that.

We don’t need to clamber over one another declaring that only one ethnicity is the “right” ethnicity, because, again, you will be looking at Pavitr and the rest of India in that narrow Western lens — a country with such rich cultural variety reduced to a homogenous restrictive way of life.

THE POLL: REINTERPRETED

This whole thing started because I was wondering why my little poll was so skewed — I thought people assumed I was asking them where he came from, then paired his physical appearance with the most logical options available. I thought it was my fault, that I had somehow influenced this outcome without knowing.

Truth is, I will never really know. But I will be thankful for it, because it gave me the opportunity to finally broach this topic, something that many of us desi folk are hesitant to talk about. I hope you have learned something from this, whether you are desi or a casual Spider-Man fan or someone who just so happened to stumble upon this. 

So just…be a little more open. Recognise that India, like many many countries and nations, is made up of a plethora of smaller cultures. And remember, if you’re trying to convince Pavitr that he’s a particular ethnicity, he’s going to wave his hand at you and say, “Ha, me? No, I’m one of the people that live here in the best Indian city! I’m Spider-Man India, dost!”

(Regardless, he still considers you a friend, because to him, the people matter more to him than you trying to box him into something he’s not.)

*Note: thank you dear anon for letting me know that the third title was Bengali, twas my mistake for literally completely forgetting

[sharkneto]

Hey, sorry if this is a bit of a personal question - and feel free to ignore it if it is - but how did you know you wanted to start hrt? I am someone who IDs as transmasc and knows in an ideal world, I would've loved to have been born a guy. But the idea of going on hormones is terrifying because I can't figure out if I really want it... I worry about regretting it, or it making me 'unappealing' physically, or my friends judging me for it. Did you ever struggle with similar worries?

I think every person thinking about and starting HRT goes through this. A rite of passage, if you will, and also not a bad thing to do. HRT is a big step, some of the changes (especially on T) are irreversible. It's good to think through if it's a choice that's right for you or not.

That said, it's also Just A Thing You Can Do. I first started really questioning my gender at the end of 2020 (thank you, Elliot Page, for coming out and making me go "oh shit, you can do that?"). I got a therapist to talk about gender... Mid 2022? And started hormones spring 2023, top surgery a year later.

Before getting the therapist, I spent over a year Just Thinking About It. And a lot of the thoughts were around the changes on T and if I'd like them or not or if I'd regret them. If I'd be ugly, after being conventionally attractive as a woman.

It hits a point, though, where eventually you have to pull the plug one way or another. I spent a lot of time thinking about how my body would change on T. A Lot. With longing. I caught myself putting things off Until I Knew For Sure and because I didn't want to do it while being perceived as a woman. I was sitting, treading water for a hypothetical Later that I could start moving towards at any time. I was scared for the Teenage Round 2 phase, and didn't want to spend months being "ugly and awkward", but then the months passed anyway and I was still in the same spot.

HRT isn't an all-or-nothing thing, you can ease into it on a low dose. My doctor started me on a low dose and we ramped up over months. Some T changes can start pretty quickly (voice dropping, bottom growth - this isn't true for everyone, but was true for me). If these changes excite you, make you feel good - great! Keep going! If they scare you, feel wrong - stop. Assess. Figure out what about it isn't right (a gender therapist for all of this process is a Huge Help). In early days if you stop T, the changes can revert, for the most part. But you can always stop at any time.

The bigger thing I actively worked to wrap my head around before starting HRT is - Who Cares If You're Wrong? What's right for you now might not be right for you later. The idea of detransitioning was scary to me, society has such a weird spotlight on it, the Right uses people who have detransitioned as props against transition. But it shouldn't matter. At the end of the day, if I do change my mind, I'll know myself better, and I don't think it's wrong to chase and find comfort in your own body.

A year+ on T, I've mostly made it through the ugly duck phase, I think. I was lucky, I didn't get bad acne or get too oily or anything (after having horrible acne in my first puberty). Most of what I dealt with was the chronic baby face, where I was getting read as male but a teenager - I'm almost 30 and a woman wanted to card me over a free T-shirt at a baseball game because it had beer logos on it. After some middle months of changes and going "oh my god what am I doing" and not feeling confident in how this was all going to turn out, I think of myself as relatively attractive and I think I'm just going to get more vain as my beard comes in. Some of that is physical, sure, but I think a significant amount of that is me feeling more confident in myself and liking the body I'm in more. I was never a selfie or picture person, now I am. I joke I'm like a budgie, always looking at myself if there's a reflective surface nearby. I'm more excited to exercise, I'm interested in lifting weights for the first time, I'm curious what my body on T can do and become. Keep your eyes on the pieces that are going well, the changes exciting you, and let the rest catch up.

My social circle helped a lot. I'm very lucky and blessed to have great friends and family, all of whom are supportive. If you don't have friends who are supportive of you, that are judging you for exploring yourself rather than lifting you up for it, it's a sign to expand the social circle and find ones that are. Family is harder, but that's a thing you have to navigate for yourself and find your own boundaries for.

So, there's no ~one moment~ where you're 100% certain that medical transition is right for you. It's a huge unknown and you're changing the body you've had your entire life. At some point, though, you just have to jump and see how it lands. Part of being alive is making mistakes and doing things you might regret.

That said, the regret rate for trans people is something like 3%. The regret rate for knee surgery is something like 20%. Trust yourself.

[ssreeder]

Sreedy I miss you :)

Always looking forward to your next update and love reading your responses to your asks!

AWWWW YOU ARE SO SWEET!!!!!!!!!!! I am posting the next chapter now - just gotta click the B U T T O N!!

[coquelicoq]

yessssss we have arrived at the night before the count's duel with albert! mercédès is here! she's calling him edmond! she's begging him to spare her son's life!! she's saying shit like "avenge yourself, edmond! but avenge yourself on the guilty; avenge yourself on fernand, avenge yourself on me, but don't avenge yourself on my son!" and he's roaring in despair and seizing handfuls of his hair and AGREEING TO IT even though it means HE will have to die instead (because albert threw a glove in his face in full view of everyone at the opera a couple hours ago and men are such babies about that) and he will be dying without having achieved his vengeance, which in his mind is akin to god making all of creation and then on the seventh day "extinguishing the sun and pushing the world back into eternal night" (this is literally how he talks btw) and she's thanking him and telling him she still loves him and two little tears are coming to his eyes (but they disappear because, and i quote, "no doubt god had sent an angel to collect them") and then she's leaving and he's sitting there head in hands ("as if his brow alone could no longer support the weight of his thoughts") saying to himself "i was mad not to tear out my heart the day i swore revenge"! YES! YES! YESSSSSSSSS!!!!

[countess-of-edessa]

looking at the stepparents subreddit for five minutes should be enough to dissuade any person with children from attempting to date until they’re grown. it is so unkind to bring a random unrelated person into a child's home

[spicycoffeebean]

If you don't want to answer that's COMPLETELY fine and you can ignore this entirely, but if your comfort zone permits: I happened across your tag and am. curious how someone could use reddit to try and get someone to detransition. Like, do you mean she made a post about it to get people agreeing with her or??

Hi Anon! I'll be honest and say I'm glad somebody took notice enough to actually ask. Because I still refuse to believe it happened.

No! She did not make a Reddit post. She just sent me several posts from r/detrans to get me to detransition.

More below the cut! Idk how long this will be, but cw for transphobia and all around shitty/questionable behavior

For those who don't know (I can't track down the post, but I commented in tags) my own mother (60) has been very actively against my transition (ftm) since I began taking testosterone in November 2021(I have been openly trans and using he/him prns since 2018, so it's not like any of this was "new" information to her) On top of blatant misinformation, my mom tried to source REDDIT, the detransitioner's subreddit to prove that yes, people do detransition. Never once denied her that. My issue here is that no, she did not make a post, she was ~browsing~ the detransitioner subreddit r/detrans to push me to detransition. She was "sourcing" it (I wanna say she said in the same conversation that she doesn't trust sites that have LGBTQ+ flags despite the statistics being very real and very present. I'm an analytics/statistics student.)

I have a million issues with this, but very simply, she is using people's struggles and real trauma to fuel a transphobic agenda to get me to detransition (I was so much happier when I chose to be openly trans let alone when I actually started T last year.) If you actually read the subreddit, 99% of those stories are OP saying "Transitioning did not work for me" but not once do they denounce transitioning. They make it clear that their experiences with it did not work out.

“I talk to detransitioners all of the time” she said “Why don’t you talk to a real trans person?” I asked her “Because I know their story.” is what she said word for word Bitch I’m trans and I don’t know trans people’s stories. I just am trans?? I made it super easy for her. Talk to a doctor or a real trans person. She makes any excuse to NOT DO THIS. A cisgender doctor in California will tell you that you are out right wrong and doing more harm than any good you might see from it.

Less than 1% of people detransition, and the majority of those who detransition ARE STILL UNHAPPY. Even then a handful of people detransition because of society, family, or something simple as healthcare. People are denied healthcare because doctors don't want to provide basic care to a transgender person. (I live in the US where this practice would be illegal) My mother acts like I myself deny that people detransition while she literally won't acknowledge WHY people detransition at all. LGBT clinics are apparently shutting down in the UK, Norway, Sweden etc. Yeah cool cisgender people are losing healthcare too. But apparently that doesn't matter. My brother's(cis) bisexual and he could be denied care if he lived in such a place. I don't think she'd take kindly to that, knowing she was the most supportive when my brother came out well over 10 years ago.

I do not want my story or trauma to be used as fuel for a fire to hurt somebody else. I doubt any of these detransitioners would be happy knowing this either. Their stories are not for my mother to tell

anyway she sends me to college(to study analytics/statistics lol??) and insists I'm brainwashed and need an autism diagnosis(YES, SHE ASKED ME 3 TIMES TO GET ONE. NO I JUST HAVE ADHD. I ASKED DOCTORS FOR 5 YEARS ABT IT LOL)

She's just in denial she spent 1 million usd and 2 years of paperwork on a China doll because "[She] didn't want to try for another son" I was told this my entire childhood and it's haunting me almost every day now.

That's the super dumbed-down version of that Reddit comment. Let alone EVERYTHING ELSE she put me through the last 14 months.

TLDR; She did not make a post to get people to agree with her, she was just taking people's stories and struggles to fuel a hate agenda detransitioners themselves do not agree with (she cannot read.)

[rosicheeks]

😴

[the-sera]

My name is Sera, you may not know me but you know my past work behind the scenes here and there, such as the Mass Effect trilogy, Dragon Age, Silent Hills, and many others.

I am an agoraphobic indigenous Kanienʼkehá:ka (Mohawk) mixed lesbian who has fought for several years a worsening health condition that is currently killing me. The point of no return is not that far away. I have spent years exhausting any paths and means to get help, enduring extreme and near endless pain. I have sold all I have, spent every dime to my name. I have received various forms of help over the years in this battle, but I have reached the critical point I have feared all this time. And to make matters worst, the family responsible for inflicting a lifetime of abuse on me is stalking me very heavily online, which has not only exacerbated my agoraphobia, but has also made the efforts to build this harder than I could describe. Know that I share as many details as I can while seeking to avoid undermining my immediate safety, I hope you understand. This post is a highly abridged version of the content in the link, the unabridged and unedited version is available below the Read More cut ❤

If you have been following me for a while, you are familiar with my struggle and saw me talking about it throughout the years. There are no other options or help besides this, besides you. I need your help or I'm going to die, this is the last chance I have left. I'm afraid to my core, I still have a life in front of me, dreams to pursue. If you read this far, I know you may be inclined to share and move on, but I am asking you to pause and think if you have a dollar that could make all the difference. I know it can be troublesome to stop and actually do it, I am asking you to please consider doing it.

If you yourself have a health condition, I salute you for fighting your own battle. Regardless of whether you donate or not, if you read this far, know that you are loved.

A warm thank you to @transmechanicus , the kind soul who made this possible. I would be lost and doomed without your help. Erika did not believe thank yous were necessary, but they are. Attempting to save a human being's life is no small act. Whether it succeeds or fail, no thank yous will ever be enough. Even as the pain consumes my body, I am able to feel hope thanks to this. There are no words invented to express this level of thanks, but if I get to live, I will search for it.

(Please don't put tags on this unless it is to actually talk or comment something. As always, kind words are appreciated.)

My name is Sera, you may not know me but you know my past work behind the scenes here and there, such as the Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age, Silent Hills, and many others.

I am an agoraphobic indigenous Kanienʼkehá:ka (Mohawk) mixed lesbian who has fought for several years a worsening health condition that is currently killing me. The point of no return is not that far away. I have spent years exhausting any paths and means to get help, enduring extreme and near endless pain. I have sold all I have, spent every dime to my name. The system, I feel, is indifferent to my situation. I have received various forms of help over the years in this battle, but I have reached the critical point I have feared all this time. And to make matters worst, the family responsible for inflicting a lifetime of abuse on me is stalking me very heavily online, which has not only exacerbated my agoraphobia, but has also made the efforts to build this harder than I could describe. Know that I share as many details as I can while seeking to avoid undermining my immediate safety, I hope you understand.

If you are reading this, you are one of the few people who can help save my life. A single dollar is enough to make a tremendous difference. There is no other options or source of help besides this, besides you. I need your help or I'm going to die, this is the last chance I have left.

The goal is a series of treatments and challenging surgeries that will remove small metal shards near vital organs and bones in my body. It is categorized as severe internal injuries secondary to a traumatic event. As medical professionals have put it, "the lack of immediate surgical intervention necessitates a comprehensive, multidisciplinary treatment approach aimed at mitigating the risk of disease progression and optimizing long-term outcomes."

My injuries are from a car accident which injured me immensely and took the lives of my two closest friends in the world. This page does not ask for the full amount of the procedures and treatments, since it is a very large sum of money that cannot be reached that quickly. The page only asks for enough to get me started in the process and access proper vital treatments in countries of the european union. Adding time to the clock, giving me a chance to fight this battle and launching an important part of the process towards saving my life.

I know you may be inclined to share and move on, but I am asking you to pause and think if you have a dollar that could make all the difference. You may be but a few clicks away from truly helping someone who desperately needs it. I know it can be troublesome to stop and actually do it, I am asking you to please consider doing it.

If this fails to reach its goal, I will die. I'm afraid and I need your help. I still have a life in front of me, dreams to pursue. If you read this far, you are the only chance I have left. Don't underestimate the difference a dollar can make, your dollar could be the one dollar we come short of. The expenses covered by this amount ranges from the medical consultations, medical treatments, surgeries and, of course, accessing said treatment, reaching the places where I need to go. I will have a true chance at fighting for the remaining amount myself.

As for cheaper alternatives, it is mainly temporary fixes that would not fix the issue and waitlists that I would die waiting on years before my turn comes. This is it, this is the only way I have that provides the care I need, in the timeframe I need it, with a success rate that gives me a chance to live.

Thank you for reading this and for persevering in the brutal system we all live under. If you yourself have a health condition, I salute you for fighting your own battle. May we all make it and may we all have the softest of epilogues. Regardless of whether you donate or not, if you read this far, know that you are loved.

I would like to thank Erika, a dear friend who has made this possible at all. Without her, I would be lost. I would also like to thank immensely Milica, who has been on this journey with me for so many years, almost since the beginning. Her medical knowledge and her kind heart, her support and dedication, have allowed me to survive long enough to get to this point. I would not be here still without her. I would like to thank the amazing and loving Dana, who has been here during the good days as much as the bad days. She has been a beacon preventing me from giving up hope. I would have abandonned before getting to this point had she not been there for me. And thank you to Oli, who has been my champion, it is thanks to his help that I can move around where I need to go. A great support and a great friend. I would like to also thank Bruna, a kind heart who has never failed to cheer me on, even when her life was not perfect, she never stopped cheering and supporting me.

I would also like to thank my tumblr mutuals, you know who you are, those who have been in my DMs offering me your kindness, laughter and support in these dark times. Your help has also saved me more than once. You are true blessings. Thank you for never giving up hope during the days I felt like doing so.

You have all carried the torch during the days I couldn't, and for that, I can never thank you enough. I have lived and survived because of you, your help in every form has made a difference in the world. I am ready to fight for my life, and whether I reach my goal and live, or fail and die, know that none of it was wasted. You have all made me a better person and that is the mark of true love transpiring from one person to the next. Thank you for believing in me when I could not. I love you all.

[redgoldsparks]

My very last comic for The Nib! End of an era! Transcription below the cut. instagram / patreon / portfolio / etsy / my book / redbubble

The first event I went to with GENDER QUEER was in NYC in 2019 at the Javits Center.

So many of the people who came to my signing were librarians, and so many of them said the same thing: "I know exactly who I want to give this to!" Maia: "Thank you for helping readers find my book!" While working on the book, I was genuinely unsure if anyone outside of my family and close friends would read it. But the early support of librarians and two American Library Association awards helped sell two print runs in first year.

Since then, GENDER QUEER been published in 8 languages, with more on the way: Spanish, Czech, Polish, French, Italian, Norwegian, Portugese and Dutch.

It has also been the most banned book in the United States for the past two years. The American Library Association has tracked an astronomical increase in book challenges over the past few years. Most of these challenges are to books with diverse characters and LGBTQ themes. These challenges are coming unevenly across the US, in a pattern that mirrors the legislative attacks on LGBTQ people. The Brooklyn Public Library offered free eCards to anyone in the US aged 13-21, in an effort to make banned books more available to young readers. A teacher in Norman, Oklahoma gave her students the QR code for the free eCard and lost her job. Summer Boismeir is now working for the Brooklyn Public Library. Hoopla and Libby/Overdrive, apps used to access digital library books, are now banned in Mississippi to anyone under 18. Some libraries won’t allow anyone under 18 to get any kind of library card without parental permission. When librarians in Jamestown, Michigan refused to remove GENDER QUEER and several other books, the citizens of the town voted down the library’s funding in the fall 2022 election. Without funding, the library is due to close in mid-2024. My first event since covid hit was the American Library Association conference in June 2022 in Washington, DC. Once again, the librarians in my signing line all had similar stories for me: “Your book was challenged in our district" "It was returned to the shelf!" "It was removed from the shelf..." "It was moved to the adult section."

Over and over I said: "Thank you. Thank you for working so hard to keep my book in your library. I’m sorry you had to defend it, but thank you for trying, even if it didn't work." We are at a crossroads of freedom of speech and censorship. The future of libraries, both publicly funded and in schools, are at stake. This is massively impacting the daily lives of librarians, teachers, students, booksellers, and authors around the country. In May 2023, I read an article from the Washington Post analyzing nearly 1000 of the book challenges from the 2021-2022 school year. I was literally on route to a festival to talk about book bans when I read a startling statistic. 60% of the 1000 book challenges were submitted by just 11 people. One man alone was responsible for 92 challenges. These 11 people seem to have made submitting copy-cat book challenges their full-time hobby and their opinions are having an outsized ripple effect across the nation. WE NEED TO MAKE THE VOICES SUPPORTING DIVERSE BOOKS AND OPPOSING BOOK BANS EVEN LOUDER. If you are able too, show up for your library and school board meetings when book challenges are debated. Send supportive comments and emails about the Pride book display and Drag Queen story hours. If you see a display you like– for Banned Book Week, AAPI Month, Black History Month, Disability Awareness Month, Jewish holidays, Trans Day of Remembrance– compliment a librarian! Make sure they feel the love stronger than the hate <3

Maia Kobabe, 2023

The Nib

[littlestpersimmon]

Am caught in a death spiral my lieges. I don't feel entitled to anyone's time, effort or resources but I feel so beat down. I am disabled, I am working so much I genuinely developed a hunched back. I am alone responsible for my autistic sister, her parentified sibling, and my two parents who are disabled with extremely limited movement. I have three jobs. I can't ask for help on twitter because people I work for follow me there. My work requires me to draw every day, without a day off, ever. I have a "morality clause" which means if I or the author I work with are deemed to be acting in any way the company thinks inappropriate, we are immediately fired and would have to return every single cent we have made. I feel at my wits end. My employers are american- but I am not. I live in the global south- government assistance in the Philippines is *nonexistent*

Last week I asked for help to pay for electricity. The other week I asked for help with my sister who had to be rushed to the ER.

I doxxed myself and posted medical info to this blog, so many strangers know my address, my legal name, everything just for me to be able to seek mutual aid- Wallah I do not want to be this person, but if anyone could please, pick up a print from my inprnt, or subscribe to my patreon, I already have 300+ drawings up there and I upload thrice to four times a month, or if you could send direct tips it would make a world's difference. I will try to open commissions next week but as the world is being plunged into wherever it is we are headed, it's getting harder and harder to get clients.

Currently myself dealing with housing insecurity- we only have a year or two to fix our traditional filipino house as it is falling apart due to the philippine storms and termites- *please* help me and my disabled family of three. I feel I am rambling now bc there's so much on my mind, on my plate, I've asked friends and my partner for help, my sister and my cousins and my friends are all I have. My mom's side of the family cannot help as they are all extremely poor themselves, and my paternal side of the family have emotionally abused me and have members that committed routine csa on me. I do not take any of the help I receive here for granted, and I'm sorry. Reblogs are off as I am asking for help from followers as I feel very ashamed / embarrassed/ humiliated to still be stuck in this dark place . Sorry and thank you again

Inprnt is having a sale rn, everything is like at 40% off!

And my tipping jars:

Sorry and thank you again. If you can't donate or purchase its OK, just please please please include me in your prayers, make mi shebeirach for my health so I csn continue to work, or any prayers at all for me. Thank you