#well there’s obviously a lot more but their personalities are VERY different

[alpaca-clouds]

Arcane & Disability - From the Perspective of a Sensitivity Reader

Alright. I promised this a month ago, but just did not get around, because university and work were all too stressful. But still, it is a topic that keeps to be on my mind, after the end of Arcane season 2. While season 2 was a mess in general, when it comes to pacing and characters and dialogues, to me – a disabled person – one of the biggest issues really is how the series treats disability. This was already a problem in season 1, but because of the bad pacing and the fact that a lot of characters clearly did not get as many scenes as it was intended at first, making this issue worse.

So, before someone asks, who am I to judge this: While my main job is in IT, I usually do at least one book or other project in sensitivity reading per month. I just rely on the IT job to know I have a constant income, if I do not manage to get a SR-job for once. But yes, it is part of my real-life job to critique writers on this kind of stuff.

So, let me talk about the disabilities in Arcane – and what is the issue there. I will go through different characters for this.

Spoilers for season 2, obviously.

Zaun and the Chem Lords

Let me start with something that mainly is in the background. We do see the Chem Lords once in season 1 and once in season 2 – though there for a prolonged scene. And a lot of them are disabled in some way and most of them are disfigured in some way. We also do see some of the “normal people” in Zaun, who are often disabled – using some sort of prothesis – and also often disfigured. And while, sure, the show portrays it as part of the tragedy that Zaun is so exploited that there are so many people who are very disabled, but at the same time the Chem Lords are not at all portrayed in a sympathetic light, and even those background characters of Zaun (like the woman, who lost her child to Jayce and Vi) are not exactly treated sympathetically.

Before anything else, we need to establish one important thing about disability in this show: Pretty much all disabilities in this movie are acquired disabilities. Which is fair. By far most people IRL who are disabled do acquire their disability during the course of their life. Through sickness, through accidents, and also through simply aging. However, there is some issue to the fact that we see very little in terms of variety to the disabilities.

Sure, you could argue, that technically Arcane has more disabilities, than pretty much any other western media project – and you would be right. But let’s face it here: The bar is on the ground – if not underground.

But the main issue is, that for the most part the Chem Lords and a lot of those minor disabled roles in the movie are not at all portrayed sympathetically. The Chem Lords are just minor cannon fodder background villains, while the background characters are also mainly villains. Sure, I have seen a lot of fans a bit more sympathy for their motivations. But in the show? Well, we mainly see how they attack main characters and almost kill them.

This could work, mind you – if we had a counter example of good disabled characters. But that is not quite the show that we got. For the most part.

Sevika

If season 2 had not been the mess that it was, Sevika probably would be the one counter example to all of this. While in season 1 she mainly is just “the goon” for Silco and we get very, very little in terms of motivation for her, season 2 (or rather what was probably originally multiple other seasons) clearly at some point had a character arc in mind for her. Even as it was, we did learn a bit more about her motivation and such.

While I had originally just taken Sevika mainly as someone who was working for Silco, because it was the most promising opportunity for her (given there are not a lot of chances in Zaun). Not because of some ideology.

But Season 2 proofed me wrong, there. We learn not much about Sevika here, but we learn that she actually was with Silco out of conviction that what Silco was ultimately doing was making Zaun better. She understood that Zaun needed a leader figure and she thought that Silco was possibly the best leader they could have had. Now that Silco is dead, she tries to prop up Jinx as the new leader, because she understands that this is needed.

Given the place that Sevika ends up in – as a councilor for Zaun – I am gonna assume there was some version of this (one with more seasons) where Sevika had gotten an arc, this would have been more of a focus. Her learning that instead of popping up someone else as a figurehead, she had to be the one to lead people. However, we clearly did not get that version of the story.

Still, I am possibly going to argue that the fact that she did not get this arc, is less connected to her being a clearly disabled character, and more to her being not a champion in the game so far. So generally speaking, I would still argue that despite it all, she is the one disabled character in this show, who I think is generally portrayed the most favorable.

Silco

I know, some people will now ask: “How the fuck is Silco disabled.” But for once, yes, he uses a cane at times, but also, he has a facial deformity, which is in fact counted under the disability umbrella. While technically speaking a facial deformity does not always stop people from being capable of working, the discrimination of people with facial deformities has to do a lot with the favoring of healthy bodies, and how this is connected to beauty norms.

And Silco… Well, how to put this best? From what is there in season 2, I am going to assume that there was a version of this, where there had been more time to tell the story, and we would have gotten a more sympathetic portrayal of Silco, where we went more into his motivation. Season 2 does hint at the fact that indeed, Zaun under Silco was a lot more stable than in any alternate scenario, and that Silco did in fact really try to make life better for the most possible people. But that is it: It very much hints at it, but never fully goes into it.

We know this is all bound to the lady who was the mother to Vi and Powder, but how we never get explained. And yeah, this is an issue. While I do not think that originally Silco really fell into the typical trope of “person has a facial deformity to signify their evil” (something that shows up in a lot of media – including Disney movies and a ton of James Bond movies), the fact that we never really go deep into his background and motivation, he somewhat falls into the trope here. And that really just because probably all the stuff that went into him as a character was just cut for time. And yeah, fuck. It is a big issue here. If the rest of the show was not as messy as it was, it would be less so – but given the state this show is in and the way the other disabled characters are portrayed… Oh boy, this is a problem.

Singed

I actually thought a lot about whether to put Singed in here. Because yes, he clearly is disabled and has deformities. But also, in the version of the show we got, he almost feel like a footnote of a character. However, I decided to at least go quickly into him, because again: You cannot put in most disabled characters as villains, and then make someone who is very, very responsible for a lot of the bad stuff that happens in this show and make him disabled as well. And yes, I get that Singed is disabled in the game, and that he is a somewhat bad character in the game as well. But that does not undo the harm this does within the narrative of the show. And you need to understand that. While yes, you can argue that his end goal (reviving his daughter) can be considered as somewhat sympathetic, it is not addressed enough to make him a complex and nuanced character. And again, he very much is responsible for many of the bad things that happen.

Jinx

Okay, let us talk about Jinx. She is the character, who I had the biggest problem in season 1 with – and season 2 did not really make it better. Because yes – until loosing her finger in season 2, generally her disability is her mental illness that clearly is chronic and unlikely to ever fully get away. And this is a big, big issue.

Because Jinx’s mental illness is from about the same line of mental illnesses that villains in the Batman comics have. Like sure, we can argue that there are some aspects in there of some sort of Borderline, PTSD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, and such. But for the most part her mental illness exists mainly to be edgy, and weird, and strange – much like Harley Quinn’s and the Joker’s disability. We know that those two characters were major influences on Jinx.

And look, I will admit, that Harley Quinn is a character I do generally enjoy. But that does not change that yeah, Harley like Jinx is a bad character in terms in representing actually mentally ill people. Because the focus of the character is to be weird, and cool, and somewhat entertaining. While yes, some of the symptoms that Jinx is showing are based on symptoms of real mental illnesses, as mentioned above, the way she is experiencing them is mainly there to be nice in a visual and entertaining kind of way. And that is… Well, it is an issue. Especially given that her mental illness mainly does also show in her violent tendencies.

Don’t get me wrong: I have known people with some of the diagnosis that one could probably read into what we see in her, and some of those people were in fact quite violent. At times only verbally, but in some cases they would also have a hair trigger before they would start and try to shove and punch people. So yes, this part is not technically speaking a thing that is unrealistic.

However, if someone was going to hand me a book, where the one character, who very clearly is written with a mental illness is depicted as a sort of maniac, who is part supervillain, and part manic pixie dream girl, that mainly exists and is the depicted the way she is to cater to a presumed straight male audience. That really is an issue.

Nothing that I can say about Jinx is exclusive to Jinx or Arcane in the grand scheme of things. A lot of these tropes are around for decades now. But that does not make them less harmful. On the contrary. They are actually worse because of it, as this kinda will play into the confirmation bias of people, who do not have to deal with mentally ill people very often. And I wish those tropes would die.

Sure, we can argue the fact that at the very least Jinx is portrayed in a somewhat more positive manner (just as Harley Quinn is these days), is at least a tiny step forward. But it is still not a good way of portraying this. Just not the worst way anymore.

And of course then there is the fact that for now she actually dies in the end of the show, just as pretty much most disabled characters in this show do. And that… is just not a good look.

Isha

Oh boy. Isha is something that came out of nowhere and really was one of the main reasons of me wanting to write this thing. Isha is mute. And here a little bit about muteness in real life: Most mute people are deaf-mute. So they are mute, because they were born without the ability to hear properly, and hence never learn how to pronounce properly, despite technically having a voice box. People who can hear and are mute – like Isha – probably are mute because of some mental illness. Some people go mute because of trauma, some neurodivergent people are non-verbal (so they don’t speak) or can be non-verbal under stress. (I fall under this, at times. I do have days on which I just cannot properly speak.)

With Isha we never learn why she does not speak. She just doesn’t. She shows up, attached herself to Jinx, and then is basically Jinx’s own Manic Pixie Dream Girl, just in the “little sister” way, rather than the “romantic” way. She mainly exists just to bring Jinx back into functioning enough that she can partake in the rest of the plot. And once she has archived that, well… She dies. Again, like almost all disabled characters in this show fucking do. She is merely a plot device.

And again, given some of the hints that are dropped, I do assume there was at some point more to her story. But we did not get that version of this story. The version we got? Well, she is the mute manic pixie dream girl, who gracefully offs herself once her plot function has been fulfilled. And this more than anything to me is so fucking egregious. If she was not disabled this was already bad enough, but given she is disabled? This is fucking horrible – especially again in the context of a show where most disabled characters die.

Basically what the show tells me – a disabled person – is that my main worth as a person is to die for ablebodied people. Thanks Arcane, needed to hear that. Great job. Hope y’all are proud for creating this show.

Viktor

Lastly there is Viktor. And mind you, there was a moment in this where I had some hope for his arc in terms of disability representation. Because while I will usually rage a lot about “healing disabilities” in fantasy and scifi media, his case was one where it was understandable. He was not trying to heal himself because he so desperately did not want to be disabled anymore, but because his never properly defined sickness, that was responsible for his disability, was degenerative, and he was going to die very early without a cure. And even with that in mind, once something bad happened because of it – when Sky died – he stopped it, because he realized it was too dangerous. While I had some minor notes of how this was handled in season 1, I thought it was fairly good.

And in the beginning of season 2 I actually kinda liked it too. It was not him who chose the healing, but Jayce. And once Viktor woke up from his coma after the magic healing, his first reaction was to be angry with Jayce about it. Partly because of the danger he understood, but partly also because Jayce violated Viktor’s bodily autonomy. I liked that. It was good.

However, it only went downhill from there. Because whatever anger Viktor had from that moment on, it was gone. Sure, you can argue with Viktor’s actions how much of it came from the core/the hextech/the arcane, and how much came from him. But never the less: He quickly is fine with being healed, and then becomes a sort of villain. And also goes ahead to heal other people of their illnesses and disabilities. Some of them consensually, which is somewhat fine though again for the aforementioned reasons of the eugenic implications of the “healing the disabled” trope has, but in some cases also non-consensually. And that is just… not good.

And then, in the bloody finale, he is kinda the final boss. He, the disabled person. Sure, Ambessa is the leader of the fascists, but Viktor is kinda the final boss.

Sure, I could say something about it being nice to have a clearly queer disabled character. But you know what? All of that pales against the fact that in the end of it all, Viktor has to be sacrificed for the happy end for the ablebodied people.

You know, in some other version of events I would have liked the fact that Jayce does acquire a disability in those last few episodes. While it is not quite clear whether this disability is gonna be chronic or not, it does not matter, because he, too, gets sacrificed. Guess he is no longer as valuable given that he is disabled now. Or at least that is the feeling that comes up.

Conclusion

Look, here is the thing: None of the characters in question are written in a way that is so egregious that if it was just this one example it would be a problem. And hey, some part of me is like: “Hey, at least there are multiple disabled characters,” given that this is still fairly rare in western media. (I am currently getting spoiled by Japanese shows. Ranking of Kings, Sign of Affection and so on are doing a much better job at portraying disability.) But given that most of these characters are villains or end up as villains on the long run, and most of them end up dead? Yeah, fuck Arcane. You do not get points for depicting disabilities in a way that clearly communicates that actually the lives of disabled people are less worthy than those of ablebodied people.

Look, whatever you have been told about Sensitivity Reading: Like editors in book publishing, Sensitivity Readers have little power. All we can do is say: “Hey, this is some really unfortunate implication here. Maybe you should change that.” But authors and publishers can absolutely ignore our feedback. Talking with other sensitivity readers there were a couple of examples where all the feedback was ignored.

I do not know whether Arcane had a Sensitivity Reader who gave feedback on the depiction of disabled people in this show. But I am going to assume if there was, they were very probably ignored. Because yeah, I am sorry. This is just overall not good.

Yes, this show has more disabled characters than most western shows. But again: If those characters are mainly villains, and mainly die by the end of the show… Yeah, sorry, Arcane, you do not get a gold star for including them. In fact, given how the characters are shown, frankly, I would probably have preferred it if the characters had not been disabled in the first place.

[mumms-the-word]

Notes on a Caretaker

I find something about this note so fascinating. Every time I pick it up or scroll back around to it I have to sit with it and just...linger, trying to understand it.

So this is my attempt to break it down and sort through my thoughts about this note, which I think is so obviously from Solas. I think it hints not only to his spirit background, but also his perspective on the path he feels is set before him. Which, idk, is cool!

Mini analysis under the cut! Also a lot of Veilguard spoilers!

This note has a smear of paint on one corner: Have they always been here? There are beings in the Crossroads unknown even to the wise, though the most ancient ones make any domain their own. Certainly, this Caretaker belongs here now.

We’re led to believe this note must be from Solas because of the smear of paint. And I would argue the paint perhaps clues us in to when this might have been written. No doubt Solas was painting murals when he was running around as the Rebel Fen'Harel, since we see some of them in Trespasser, but I think he painted the murals in the Lighthouse after he left the Inquisition (in part because we have that last mural where he kills Flemythal, and he left his paint pallet in the music room after recreating the Inquisition murals there). So it could go either way, but...

I can just imagine Solas, lost in the throes of his regrets, painting his sins on the walls of the library and his memories of the Inquisition in the music room, finally noticing the Caretaker who has arrived, or perhaps was always there. Perhaps he pauses to consider the nature of the Caretaker, and the mystery of when it arrived. We find this note in the kitchen/dining area, where Solas still has a single place setting laid out for himself. So perhaps the Caretaker arrived to take care of him?

Or maybe this is a really, really old letter from when Solas first retreated to the Lighthouse and began to use it as his base of operations. How ancient is the Caretaker? Did they arrive to see to the Lighthouse during the days of the rebellions against the Evanuris, or did they arrive later? Did they arrive because they were drawn to the needs of dozens, hundreds of rebels and refugees, or drawn to its echo after they were gone? Which is it?

I personally go back and forth about it, but it's fascinating that the letter subtly supports both perspectives. Anyways!

I wonder what we look like to them. Need is a scaffold, and the needs of the living ever rise and fall upon it. Hunger, thirst, sleep... imagine the constant cacophony to one sensitive to such things.

The "we" suggests maybe this is a much older letter. I can see a much younger Solas leading his rebels to the Lighthouse and contemplating the nature of this Caretaker, worrying about how so many physical bodies in one space might affect a spirit sensitive to physical needs. But I can also see a much more recent Solas pondering this new (or new to him) creature, so I don't know.

Either way, "we" vs. "them." Solas is well and truly part of the living here, as opposed to viewing this all entirely as a spirit. It's like he's wondering what these spirit-born elves, or even mortals in general look like to a spirit like the Caretaker. A spirit whose focus is on needs, surrounded by these elves with physical bodies who now have very real, tangible needs. Hunger, thirst, sleep, things a spirit does not feel. But the Caretaker does, at least, sense these things in others.

The chorus of one person's needs must be a lot, but the cacophony of dozens, hundreds, as there would have been when the Lighthouse was in its prime? No wonder Solas has a moment of concern for this benevolent spirit.

Or am I too simple? Wants are fleeting; needs have deeper roots. Perhaps that's why I find this particular spirit's presence both comforting and disconcerting. The prospect that our heart's desire and our truest need could differ—or are even at odds—is hard to contemplate.

This. This is the most fascinating part of the note.

Or am I too simple? I think this is a hint, super early in the game, that Solas is a spirit. Spirits are the pure manifestations of emotion and thought. Complexity comes with personhood, with being part of the living in the tangible world. But spirits in the Fade (even before the Veil) are always pretty simple.

Solas is grappling with his nature here.

Wants are fleeting; needs have deeper roots. Perhaps that's why I find this particular spirit's presence both comforting and disconcerting.

I wonder if this is Solas struggling a bit with the unique experience of being both spirit and elf, undying but also very much alive, originally intangible but now physical. Wants come with being a spirit—spirits want to see beyond the Veil, if they're curious enough, or Cole as Compassion wants to help, he wants to look like the boy who died in the Spire. But here it's like Solas is suggesting that need is an intrinsically mortal or at least physical thing—something he didn't need to consider much before he had a body.

After all, spirits who don't have purely physical bodies don't seem to have the same needs. Like when Dorian talks with Cole about having a body, despite him not seeming to have physical needs:

Dorian: Do you need to eat, Cole? Or sleep? Cole: I thought I had to. But I don't. The Old Songs can pull me.

Or Blackwall suggesting that now that Cole is more human (if you take that path) the physical needs will likely come up:

Blackwall: So now that you've dealt with the templar, you're a real boy? Cole: Realer. Blackwall: Good enough. I suppose you'll stop looking into people's heads soon? And you might want to look into, I don't know, eating. Cole: Blech.

Often I think Solas struggles with where he stands, what he is, what he can be, what he should be as someone whom was first a spirit and then a person with a physical body. Short of dying, it sounds as though the process of going from spirit to elf is irreversible. He cannot return to the Fade as a pure spirit anymore. After the Veil, he can only return in dreams, at least until he finds ways of tearing through to the Veil to enter physically again.

But time and again he thinks and acts like a spirit with a simpler, focused nature rather than a complicated nature like a person might have. When he asks, Am I too simple? it feels like he’s acknowledging this. Is he too simple, too focused, too spirit to understand the experience of being fully, complexly mortal or physical?

The Caretaker’s presence is both comforting, because Solas knows that his (or others’) needs will likely be tended to, and yet disconcerting because it’s probably weird to even have those needs.

Ah but here we come to my favorite part.

The prospect that our heart's desire and our truest need could differ—or are even at odds—is hard to contemplate.

I’m sure this is hard to contemplate even for a normal person. How often do we struggle with knowing what we want isn’t always what we need? We may want the sugary cake, for example, but our bodies may need the healthier vegetables or fruits instead.

But going deeper, it’s easy to conflate needs and wants when it comes to abstract things. Like, say, vengeance, penance, atonement, or restoration.

Solas wants to repair the mistake he made thousands of years ago by creating the Veil, but he doesn’t need to do that. Yet in his mind, he treats it like a need, with roots so deep he can’t escape being bound up in them.

He wants to honor Mythal, who died because of his mistakes, who died again at his hand, but he doesn’t see that he can let go of that purpose, because somehow this want isn’t fleeting or fading like wants normally do. It sticks around. Therefore it must be more than want, right?

His heart’s desire is for the elven people to be restored, immortal, free, prosperous, and he throws his entire being into making that goal come true, that dream a reality. But he doesn’t see that his truest need is actually to be freed himself. Free from the purpose he’s given himself in the wake of Mythal’s death. Free from a path of vengeance that no one asked him to take, but that he feels obligated to walk.

His truest need, which he can’t see, because he can’t seem to sort through what is more want versus what is more need (and who can really, when they’re in the thick of things?), is not to cling closer to Mythal and honor his friend (or whatever it is they were), but to be freed from any and all entanglements with her.

He doesn’t want to let her go, but he needs to.

But without her around to release him, he clings to his plans to restore the elven people, restore her people, and hope that that will be atonement enough.

I think that’s why in the redemption ending, when we do see Mythal release Solas, he nearly collapses with this mixture of grief and relief. When he finally straightens up again, yes he’s hurting, but he’s the calmest he’s ever been in the entire game. As in, not tense, not plotting, not agitated. You get the sense that he can see or think with clarity now. Perhaps even breathe freely for the first time in ages.

And he finally sees that what he needs to do is not fix his mistakes, if doing so only causes more chaos and heartache and death for thousands or millions around him, but to seek atonement.

I love the line Rook can say when they’re trying to talk him down and make him bind himself to the Veil.

“[Making the Veil collapse] is what you want. Making amends isn’t about what you want.”

It doesn’t convince Solas, because he still doesn’t see removing the Veil as a want. He views it as a need. Not his need, but the world’s need. The world needs to be restored to the way Mythal would have wanted it, or so he believes.

I think that’s why Mythal has to release him before he can see everything clearly. She is the only one who can give him what he needs but does not what—freedom from her service.

It may not be everyone’s favorite choice, but I understand how we get here, especially since we find this letter so early in the game. Whether this letter is Solas from the distant past or the more recent past, it sets up a trajectory that we can trace all the way to the end of the game. And I just find that fascinating.

[live-laugh-legolas]

I was reading this post by @just-a-little-cellist and I was inspired to do something similar but with the fellowship

I’ve done a few more specific mental health hc’s but this is just their general relationship with mental health as opposed to how they handle others with something specific if that makes sense

Also I’m not trying to diagnose any characters; you shouldn’t make assumptions about others, these are just my hcs for some version of the characters, whether canon or not, we will never know

The Fellowship and mental health

Aragorn:

-He is very knowledgeable about different mental health disorders

-Very quick to pick up on it

-I don’t imagine him having any personal experience with any of it though

-I could imagine him having ADHD as a kid and although it doesn’t just go away he has learned to mask it incredibly well

-He has mixed thoughts on medication; he’s not against it but he personally won’t take anything

Legolas:

-I think elves are a split bunch

-Their knowledge of mental health is scattered

-Elves are not shy with feelings but I don’t imagine them having many problems when not in a time of grief

-And I think Legolas was especially sheltered from any mental health discussions

-Maybe the woodland elves are less open to the idea since I think Elrond knows everything about mental disorders

-A cultural difference I suppose

-He loves learning though so he will ask lots of questions

Gimli:

-Dwarves are not strangers to troubled mental health

-They are openly emotional and expressive

-But they don’t put names to it; the idea of disorders is not in their nature

-Like they will openly discuss having trouble but don’t tell them they have depression or something

Boromir:

-I could totally see him having anxiety that he’s learned to suppress because his father is a dickhead

-He knows about the more common disorders and is very supportive

-He doesn’t always understand and sometimes he accidentally comes across as dismissive

-I’ve mentioned before that I kinda picture him to be similar to Arthur from BBC’s Merlin (but when he learns to be a bit nicer lol)

-He’s trying his best; he needs a little patience to learn is all

Frodo:

-He reads a lot so I don’t think he’s any stranger

-I think PTSD from the events in LOTR is the first time personally experiencing neurodivergence though

-Bilbo’s definitely got a pinch of something but I couldn’t tell you what

-So he doesn’t really question anyone; he’s kinda like “well, if I meet someone quirkier than my uncle it will be a wondrous day”

Sam:

-I think he’s pretty naive to mental disorders

-Not because he doesn’t want to learn; but he just doesn’t know better

-He may be a bit judgmental at first

-Like I could imagine him making a comment like “what’s up with them?” kind of thing

-But he truly doesn’t mean to be offensive

-He doesn’t branch out much from the people and things he knows so anything new is strange

-But he will be so supportive and will never live down his own regret for saying something even slightly offensive

Merry:

-He knows every disorder, every sign and symptom, and everything to actually have the disorder

-Like this guy has read every version of the DSM

-He finds it fascinating how people’s brains work so differently

-He totally thinks he can diagnose people though; which isn’t great Merry

Pippin:

-Literally doesn’t care

-And I mean he doesn’t judge and it doesn’t change how he thinks of someone

-It’s just kinda like “yeah they do that sometimes; it’s part of their charm”

-Will stim with someone absentmindedly; he is just inherently a copy cat

Gandalf:

-Obviously he knows all the shit and doesn’t discriminate against anyone

-Violently protective if someone makes an inconsiderate, presumptuous, or offensive comment

-Gives kind advice if someone is struggling; but he won’t be overbearing or draw a lot of attention to it

-Ik for some people it is part of their identity and he respects that, but he isn’t going to make jokes or anything (like example: a majority of my friends, which isn’t a lot tbh, are autistic and I joke with them that clearly I have ✨a type✨)

———————————————————————

I personally have my own struggles and experience with my own mental health but I am not the most educated despite this. I know my own diagnoses pretty well but it’s only a small amount compared to the vast number of different disorders.

If anything in here is written in a way that is offensive please let me know; I try my best but it’s entirely possible I am blinded to certain things

Anyway love everyone and I hope you all are doing well :)

[writingtraumaforever]

A Courtship Christmas: Chapter 3

Notes: The movie got my Courtship Series heart racing, y'all. And I'm also so pleased that the movie didn't actually differ too far from the minimal assumptions I've written in this series so far. So the series is still readable and makes sense even after the movie! YAY!

Summary: Sonic and Shadow arrive at the Robotnik's for Christmas, and are greeted by a very... very shocking person.

Courtship Masterpost!

Link to my AO3!

Start:

Preparations turn out to be a very serious matter to Shadow, which honestly isn’t much of a shock to Sonic. After hearing his quite extensive preparations that led to the whole ‘courting’ misunderstanding the first time he came to have dinner with his family, it’s not surprising Shadow would do the same for Maria’s family. 

Things were cool between Maddie and Shadow. He had returned back home with Sonic that night and he and Maddie had gone for a walk. Sonic isn’t sure what all was said on this walk, but when they came back, they were both smiling and back to acting as if nothing had happened. Sonic assumes his mother made things right. She rarely doesn’t. She’s a great role model, honestly, and very empathetic and tactful.

After they returned, they all sat down for a talk that went much more swimmingly. Tom and Maddie agree to let Sonic go with the conditions that he calls every night before bed to check in and always answers if they call or text. 

Since then, Sonic and Shadow have been preparing for the trip. Which means lots of Youtube videos on meeting long-lost family (which there are actually a lot of, much to Sonic’s surprise) and practice runs with Knuckles and Tails’ help. Knuckles even wore a blonde wig to try and help “get into character”, insisting on being Terra Robotnik. This didn’t turn out too great since Knuckles himself was.. a terrible host. For example, Sonic seriously doubts the Robotniks will be insisting on Shadow participating in a battle of the arenas.

Rouge had gotten as many files on the family as she could find, which wasn’t much but it was enough. Shadow had been going through and memorizing faces and names and dates and marriages. The surprisingly extensive Robotnik family tree. Turns out they had pretty much outcasted Eggman’s side of the family after everything that happened, which is understandable but also kinda sad since it wasn’t Eggman’s fault his grandfather was a smidge psychotic. Then again, the egg didn’t seem to fall too far from the nest, so..

They were well off, having been compensated by GUN since the tragedy on the ARK. On top of the geniuses in their family having sold many of their creations to the US government in the past as well as exploration escapades and more. They were a pretty impressive bunch of eggs, honestly–

Shadow made Sonic promise no egg jokes while they were visiting, by the way.

Turns out Terra does a lot of philanthropy and charity work, donating most of her time to causes for children with chronic illnesses and such. Which makes her sound like she’d be pretty nice despite her relatively stern tone in the letter to Commander Walters. That was written out of frustration with the deceit she had endured, though, so Sonic had high hopes. Besides, what sister of the saintly Maria could be evil???

When Shadow saw her picture for the first time, Sonic swears he sat perfectly still for a solid ten minutes just staring at it. She looks just like Maria… she just has more ginger colored hair, like a strawberry blonde. And older, obviously. Much older. Her files say she’s 54. Shadow can’t seem to get over that number. Sonic isn’t sure if it’s because it shows how much time has passed since the tragedy or because it shows how old Maria should be now..

Probably a little of both. Or a lot of both.

Sonic makes sure to be there with him through all of it, though. By his side and preparing along with him while constantly reassuring him that Shadow doesn’t really need any preparation since being himself is plenty good enough.

Shadow prepares anyway, to no one’s surprise.

It all comes down to the moment they’re standing in the living room with suitcases packed and warp ring in hand. Maddie hands Shadow his and Sonic’s freshly pressed suits that she had tailored for them, Shadow neatly and very carefully draping them over his forearm and holding them to his torso as if they’re something to be treasured.

“Alright you two,” Maddie sighs, stepping back to get a good look at them, “It’s around 6:30 PM in Poland, right now, and it’s going to be pretty chilly.”

Tom nods, zipping up Sonic’s jacket all the way before stepping back with Maddie as well, watching Sonic immediately roll his eyes and unzip his jacket again.

“Uh- guys? We have fur. We’ll be fine,” Sonic points out with a shrug.

“Some of us have more fur than others,” Shadow mutters under his breath.

“Hey! We talked about this. My lack of chest fur makes me more aerodynamic!” Sonic defends scandalously.

“Right,” Shadow nods before looking to Maddie and Tom, “I’ll make sure he stays warm, Mr. and Mrs. Wachowski.” “I don’t need a babysitter,” Sonic rolls his eyes, but Shadow just rolls his eyes right back.

“They’re your parents and they’re worried. Let me reassure them.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sonic sighs with a little smirk.

“We know you’ll take good care of him, Shadow,” Maddie assures, leaning down to give him a little hug.

Tom moves then to do the same, muttering in Shadow’s ear as he does, “And if you don’t, I’ve heard of some real mean hedgehog recipes from Egypt..” Shadow’s eyes widen slightly at Tom when he pulls back, Tom doing the thing where he points at his eyes and then points at Shadow’s as if to let him know he’s watching him.

Shadow just swallows hard then nods.

“I’ll have him home safe in three days, sir.” “I know you will,” Tom smirks then, winking playfully as if he hadn’t just threatened to cook Shadow dear God–

Maddie moves over to Sonic then, giving him a big hug that has him grunting from being squeezed so tight, “And you, little mister, better behave. I don’t want Shadow calling me saying you’re embarrassing him by being too rowdy.” “Me??? Rowdy!?” Sonic gasps as if absolutely baffled by such an accusation, “I would never!” 

He then hugs Maddie right back, smiling all soft as he leans into his mother’s touch and squeezes her just as tight, “I’ll send lots of pictures.” “You better,” she instructs with a little kiss to his forehead before she pulls away to let Tom hug him goodbye now.

“Seriously though. Behave. And be safe.” “Always do, always am,” Sonic grins, hugging his dad back before he pulls away.

Shadow clears his throat then, glancing down at his watch, “I really hate to rush, but we’re going to be late..” “Right, right,” Maddie nods, knowing Shadow is very serious about being exactly on time, “We’ll let you two go. You have your emergency warp ring??” “Always!” Sonic says with a grin, Shadow already tossing another warp ring into the air so that a portal to Poland appears.

“Phone charger?” “Yup.” “Toothbrush and toothpaste?” “Check.” “Underwear??” That earns a pointed deadpan look from Sonic to Tom.

“Right, you don’t wear that– okay! We’ll see you two when you get back!” Maddie grins then, waving as she leans against Tom and watches the two grab their luggage and begin stepping through the portal, “Have fun!! Keep us updated!” “We will!” Sonic waves back cheerily, stepping through the portal that Shadow is already on the other side of and waving from as well. He hates he couldn’t say bye to Knuckles and Tails before he left. But they said their goodbyes the night before, and waking Knuckles and Tails up early was like pulling teeth– the echidna being lazy and the fox always staying up too late tinkering. It’s best they just sleep in and Sonic call them later. It’s only three days, after all. Then he’ll be back for Christmas!

As they stand waving, the warp ring eventually closes and they’re left standing on a snowy driveway, a large fountain appearing behind where the warp ring had previously been.

“Welp,” Sonic sighs, grabbing his suitcase with a grin, “Stage 2 of OSITRASIHB is a-go. Can’t believe we’re on our first trip together! We have to do some sightseeing while we’re here. What even is there to see in Poland?? They have castles, right??” Sonic looks at Shadow and finds him staring at whatever is behind them, “Shads..?” He turns and looks then and–

“Woooah..” It is a castle! ‘Robotnik Manor,’ the large stone sign above the gate reads. Behind it is possibly one of the coolest homes Sonic has ever seen. Donut Lord seriously needs some upgrades.

“Dude, this place is..,” Sonic starts, but he never quite finishes as he walks up to the fenced gate in awe, leaning against it with his hands gripping the rails–

“Odejdź od bram!”

Sonic jumps back from the fence with wide eyes, both he and Shadow looking to the source of the noise and finding a camera peering down at them from the corner of the stone column.

“Did he just speak Sim??” Sonic snorts with a quirked brow at Shadow, but Shadow just gives him an unimpressed look before turning back to the camera. “Um.. Jesteśmy tutaj, aby zobaczyć Terra Robotnik..?” 

There’s a long pause of silence from the other side of the camera. Sonic is just completely baffled that Shadow seemingly spoke another language! Then again, he’s like– super smart, so it shouldn’t be that surprising. 

After a moment of waiting, the light under the camera beeps green and the gate slowly begins to open itself up, Shadow and Sonic watching with wide eyes as the path to the manor is opened to them..

“...So you speak Sim, too?” “Polish,” Shadow answers, grabbing his suitcase and beginning to roll it behind him as he walks, “And yes. The Professor spoke it often in moments of frustration.. It.. didn’t take long for me to pick up on it..” Sonic frowns a little at that, finding the implication of Gerald often getting frustrated with or in front of Shadow a bit heartbreaking. He catches up to the hybrid, lugging his own suitcase behind him as the gate begins to shut once more.

“That’s pretty cool!” Sonic encourages, focusing on the positive, “You never told me you spoke a different language!” “You never asked..” “Well– do you speak any other languages??” “A few,” Shadow nods, “Not fluently. But Maria and I learned some Spanish during schooling. She was far better than I was at it, but we’d watch tv novellas together and make fun of how dramatic they were a lot. I picked up from that more than anything.” “Seems like you’re more of a hands-on learner than a sit down and reading learner.” “Yeah, I.. have trouble concentrating when it comes to studies,” Shadow admits, though it’s obvious with the tone of his voice that his thoughts aren’t really with the conversation. As they get closer and closer, Shadow gets tenser and tenser. His eyes stare wide at the castle before them, fist clenched tight around the handle of his suitcase, jaw locked and teeth grinding nervously..

Sonic keeps talking, hoping to calm his nerves some with distraction. The driveway up is a good ways, after all.

“Me too, man,” Sonic chuckles with a shrug, “I struggle with sitting still in general, though. Let alone doing it and concentrating. Mom tries real hard to homeschool us, but I’m more interested in learning from experiences than books.” “Books can be very entertaining,” Shadow counters, “..However, books chosen for me are often last appealing than the ones I choose for myself.” “Ditto,” Sonic snorts, “Definitely prefer my comics.” “Those aren’t books.” “Uh– wrong. Comicbooks. Emphasis on the books part.” Sonic is smiling, expecting Shadow to flash that classic tiny smirk of his at Sonic’s shenanigans but finding the hybrid too focused on the stairs they’re now approaching that lead to the door..

“...It’s all gonna be fine, Shadow,” Sonic assures as they begin ascending the steps, “They’re gonna love you..” Shadow takes a deep breath, eyes never leaving the door as he climbs the stairs beside Sonic. He simply nods. Not convinced but trying to stay optimistic and not let his anxiety get the better of him.

Sonic sighs a bit at this and moves closer so he can gently reach out to take Shadow’s free hand. Shadow flinches slightly at this before looking to Sonic finally.

Sonic is looking right back with that same soft smile he gave Shadow on the moon..

Shadow smiles back after a moment before sighing and looking back to the door. 

Sonic was with him. He can do this..

Stopping right in front of the door, the two stare at it a long moment. Sonic doesn’t rush Shadow. Doesn’t knock for him. He just waits.

Eventually, Shadow’s eyes settle on the door knocker a few feet above them.. He can’t quite reach, so he lets his air shoes slowly lift him up until he can. Taking the knocker in hand and rapping at the door three times before slowly letting himself descend back down.

There’s some scuffling from the inside, Shadow’s hand squeezes Sonic’s a bit tighter. Sonic squeezes back, nervousness now rising in him as well.

What if these people were awful to Shadow?? What if they treated him horribly and this whole experience just adds to the list of scars Shadow already has?? Maybe Sonic shouldn’t have encouraged him coming. Maybe they should’ve just stayed away and let things stay normal. Maybe–

The door slowly opens, warm and thick light from the inside pouring out into the dark cold of the evening outside. Shadow and Sonic’s eyes rise to the tall, lanky man dressed in a butler’s attire.

The man’s eyes scan around in a confused manner a moment, looking right over the two before Sonic clears his throat and the man finally lowers his eyes to their level. He flinches in surprise at the sight of them, eyes blinking wide once then twice. Then he offers a wide and breathy smile, “Sir Shadow! And you brought a guest! Wonderful!  My Madam has been expecting your arrival! Please, do come in.” He quickly scoots away from the door and opens it wider for the two, Sonic and Shadow exchanging a glance before entering with a grateful nod and muttered ‘thank you’s.

The door is shut behind them, and inside they’re met with a sight just as awe-inducing as the outside. The inside has a large and grand staircase that leads to the second floor, wooden hand-railing with Christmas florals  and lights decorating all the way down them. There’s a chandelier immediately above their heads, lit with golden lights that make the wooden ceiling seem to glisten. It all feels very noble and traditional and vintage but simultaneously well-kept and warm and classy. It looks like something out of a movie! To their left it opens up into what appears to be a dining room: a long table with white table cloths and bouquets of poinsettias and holly and pinecones. Very festive but elegant. There’s large red candlesticks as centerpieces down the table, tiny globes with lights in them scattered along it as well. The chairs look large and comfy, a wreath placed on the backs of each one. There’s a smaller chandelier than the one in the foyer in there as well. A large, glass window behind the head of the table..

To their right, they can see what appears to be a library of sorts. Shelves and shelves of books, a few comfy couches and floor pillows sound a festively decorated fireplace. The mantle is lined with stockings with initials on them.. ‘A’ ‘J’ ‘M’ ‘S’.  

“I can escort you to your rooms if you’d like to be relieved of your bags,” the butler offers, “Madam is currently in a meeting, but I will inform her of your arrival as soon as it is finished. She will be so pleased you’re here, and want to introduce you to everyone.”

Shadow and Sonic just look at him, staring a moment before Shadow eventually nods. “Thank you, Mr..”

“Tanaka,” the butler replies with a little bow towards Shadow, “Call me, Mr. Tanaka. And I will be happy to assist you anytime during your stay.” “Mr. Tanaka,” Shadow nods, swallowing before glancing back to Sonic who is smiling politely at the man, “thank you.. This is Sonic.” “Of course. We know of Sir Sonic’s heroic reputation. It is an honor to be hosting you sir,” the butler bows to which Sonic very dramatically bows right back with a “Likewise, dude.”

The butler stands then, “Now right this way! Let’s get you settled in.”

They follow the man up the stairs, taking in the sights as they go. The walls are lined with framed art and pieces like vases and sculptures. Shadow notes that he’d like to pause and take them all in at some point if he has the time, pondering their meaning and purpose. The hall at the top is long both to the right and left, shut doors that have shoes on the outsides of some of them or coats hanging from the knobs..

It occurs to Shadow then that they may be having more guests at this party than he anticipated..

Stopping at the room on the end of the left hall, Mr. Tanaka opens the door to show them the inside.

“We do hope this room will be fitting,” the butler says, “We prepared it just for you. And there’s even a second bed if your guest will not be sharing one with you.” Shadow blinks at that, looking at Sonic who looks back to him a bit shyly before blushing and looking away.

They aren’t supposed to be sharing a room..

But Shadow is too nervous right now to request anything else. It feels rude.

He’ll deal with it later.

“This will be perfect,” Shadow assures with a small nod, “Thank you again.” “Of course, sir,” the man smiles, moving then to gesture to a small button on the inside of the door attached to what appears to be an intercom system, “If you ever need anything, please do not hesitate to buzz this button and myself or a maid will quickly come to see what we can do for you. There is also a bell system that will ring when certain things are about to take place such as dinner or breakfast. You are in no way obligated to attend these things if uncomfortable or needing rest. It is simply there to keep the household on a schedule.”

“I like schedules,” Shadow says without giving it a thought, Mr. Tanaka smiling at this. “As do I, Sir Shadow.” Shadow smiles a bit then, and this seems to light up the whole room for a moment in Sonic’s opinion.

“Well I will let you two settle in,” the butler comments, nodding his head at the two as he exits the room, “Again, feel free to buzz if you need anything.” “We sure will,” Sonic smirks, walking into the room to take it in.

Shadow gives a small wave as the man makes his leave before shutting the door and sighing against it.

Sonic is scoping out the room. There is, in fact, two sleeping areas. One being the king-sized bed in the center of the wall and the other being a twin bed pressed up longways against the large window on the right side of the room. Sonic immediately moves there and puts his suitcase on top of it, turning to Shadow with a whistle, “Damn. This place is huge!” “Very,” Shadow mutters as he turns to Sonic, walking to the bed and placing his own suitcase on top before sitting down on the edge beside it.

“And they’ve got butlers and maids?? A dude could get used to living like this,” Sonic grins, looking out the window now at the view. He can’t see too far since it’s dark out, but there’s golden Christmas lights that light up a large garden below. Whoever their landscaper and decorator is, they need a raise.

“Mm,” is all Sonic gets from Shadow.

Sonic turns to look at him then, seeing Shadow staring down at the floor from where he sits on the edge of the bed..

A small, sympathetic smile curls onto Sonic’s lips as he approaches him, plopping himself beside him as Shadow’s seemingly absent gaze lifts to his, “Hey.”

“Hello,” Shadow murmurs back, leaning into Sonic’s palm when the hedgehog cups his cheek. “I know it’s all overwhelming,” Sonic begins, thumb lightly caressing the apple of Shadow’s cheek, “But you’ve done the hardest part, right?? You got here. You showed up. That takes mad balls, Shads.” “That’s a really distasteful expression, Sonic,” Shadow grumbles with a scrunch of his nose and disapproving look in Sonic’s direction. “Oh-ho, look who showed up at a Manor and got too classy for his American boyfriend,” Sonic teases with a Italian accent. “..That’s Italian. This is Poland.”

“Whatever, dude, I don’t know what Polish sounds like.” “You said it sounds like the Sims.” “Good point! Let me try that. Bow deesh you’re super geneva.” Shadow blinks at him, a slightly amused tilt growing on his lips, “What?”

“And now you know how it feels,” Sonic smirks to which Shadow just chuckles and rolls his eyes at him. “You’re idiotic.” “And you’re brave,” Sonic smiles, tilting his head to get Shadow to look back at him again, “..Seriously. I would’ve chickened out the second I saw the camera staring at me at the gate. You’re seriously awesome, Shadow..” Shadow just sighs a bit at this, nuzzling against Sonic’s palm a bit before moving to scoot closer to him with a quirked brow, “Shouldn’t you call your parents and tell them we’ve settled in??” “Oh yeah, you’re right!” Sonic nods, pulling his phone out now and pulling up his contacts to FaceTime his mom.

It only rings once before he gets an answer.

“Hey, baby! You get there safely?? We miss you so much!!” “He just left!” Tom can be heard yelling from a few rooms away.

Sonic chuckles at this, “Yeah, we just got to our room.” Maddie’s brow quirks, “...Room?” Sonic smiles a bit nervously and rubs the back of his neck, “Uh.. yeah. Apparently they only prepared one room for us– but it’s got two beds, see!” Sonic turns the phone to show his bag sitting on the twin-sized bed by the window, “I’ll sleep there! And Shadow will be sleeping here.” He then turns the phone to show Shadow sitting on the bed beside him.

Shadow gives a small wave with a quiet “hello”.

Maddie is about to argue with Sonic some more on these sleeping arrangements.. But then she sees Shadow and her heart instantly melts.

“Aw honey, you look so frazzled. You doing okay?? They treat you well??” “We’ve only met the butler,” Sonic explains, scooting closer to Shadow so the phone can now see both of them in the frame, “But he was super chill.” “Mhm,” Shadow nods, looking a bit sick still.

“So you haven’t met the mystery sis yet??” “Nuh uh,” Sonic answers, Shadow shaking his head in response.

“Why didn’t she greet you two?? Ain’t she the host??” Maddie frowns, seeming a bit off put by the woman who invited them not having the common courtesy to welcome them.

“She was in a meeting apparently,” Sonic shrugs. “She planned this meeting for when you two were suppose to be arriving??” “Well.. most people don’t arrive exactly on time, in her defense,” Sonic smirks, elbowing Shadow a bit playfully to which the hybrid just huffs and shrugs his shoulders.

“Don’t be so defensive, Maddie, you’re gonna freak the guy out,” Tom adds, entering the frame beside Maddie. He waves at the two with a little grin, “Hey guys.” “Hi, Dad!” “Hello, Mr. Wachowski.” “I’m not trying to freak him out, I just–.. It’s weird is all I’m saying. But I don’t know anything about the woman, so what do I know,” Maddie shrugs, putting on a smile for Shadow.

“Maybe it all boils down to a different lifestyle and culture,” Tom shrugs, “Butlers answering doors ain’t so uncommon in some countries.” “Yeah, dude. Don’t look too much into it,” Sonic agrees with a reassuring smile, “And if her butler is being honest, then she’ll be super pumped when she realizes you’re here.”

Giving a small hum at this, Shadow just shrugs his shoulders and looks at the floor again. Sonic sighs at this, looking at Tom and Maddie on the phone screen before offering a sideways smile, “Anyway- we just wanted to call and let you guys know we got settled in. Think we’re suppose to have dinner soon.” “Thank you for calling, sweetie. Please call again before you go to bed! Wanna say goodnight. And your brothers will wanna talk to you.” “Can do,” Sonic winks with a grin, “Love you guys.” “Love you too, kiddo!” “And we love you too, Shadow!” Shadow smiles a bit at that, looking at the screen again and showing his slightly lifted spirits at the sentiment. Love is a hard emotion for Shadow. Sonic doesn’t think he’s ever heard Shadow even say the word ‘love’ when referring to himself. But they all know that he loves them too, even if it’s difficult to voice. 

“Later!” “Bye, boys!!” Sonic hangs up.

Tossing his phone on the bed behind him, Sonic turns his attention back towards Shadow and moves to lean his head on his shoulder and lightly nuzzle against him. Shadow just sighs and returns the gesture, seeking comfort and hoping to ease the pounding in his heart and the nausea in his throat some. 

“We ain’t gotta sit in here,” Sonic offers, “We could go look around? I saw a garden outside, maybe we can go walk it and get your mind off of just sitting here brooding.” “I don’t brood,” Shadow huffs. “Right, right, Hot Topic, you’re definitely don’t brood.” 

Sonic smiles a bit and pulls back to look at Shadow, “Seriously, though. If you just sit here in your head, it’ll just seem worse than it is. Nothing bad has happened. Everything has gone super smoothly so far. There’s no reason to let your head scare you–”

He’s interrupted by the sound of thumping outside, resembling footsteps sprinting down the hall towards their door.

“He’s here!? He’s really here!?”

Sonic and Shadow exchange looks at the voice. It certainly doesn’t belong to a 54 year old. 

“Which door, Mr. Tanaka, which one!?”

The steps stop right outside their door.

“This one???”

They can hear the mumbled voice of the butler further down the hall.

And then there’s knocking on the door.

Shadow’s heart leaps right up into his throat, Sonic’s eyes widening a bit as he looks at the door and then Shadow. “...Are you gonna answer??” Shadow doesn’t move. He doesn’t budge from his spot on the bed, frozen there with wide eyes and his lips parted with slightly panicked breaths.

“Okay, okay, calm down,” Sonic hushes gently, rubbing through Shadow’s quills, “Just breathe.. I’ll tell them you’re resting or something..”

Shadow nods. Nothing more.

Sonic swallows and pushes himself off the bed, walking to the door and reaching for the knob.

There’s a few more knocks just before he opens the door.

Sonic’s eyes go huge at who he finds on the other side..

“Oh! Sorry,” the little girl smiles sheepishly, “I wasn’t sure you heard the first time..” She looks Sonic up and down a bit curiously, only a foot taller than him at most.. Her head tilts, her brow quirking, “...You’re quite bluer than I imagined..”

Sonic can’t answer. He can’t find his voice.

He’s only seen Maria in pictures or old found footage from the ARK..

He stares at the little girl, his brows knitting up tight and distress slowly growing inside him despite it being dampened by the pure shock.

“...I’m..,” Sonic eventually manages, voice coming out weak and quiet, tight from the lump in his throat, “..not Shadow..”

“Oh,” she blinks, her head tilting again with a little giggle, blonde hair falling over her shoulder at the motion, “that makes more sense. Then who exactly are you??” Sonic tries to answer again, but once more, he finds himself not able. His brain isn’t working anymore. All it can do is play the same thought on repeat.

‘You’re dead. You’re supposed to be dead. How are you here???

Maria Robotnik..’

[swagbonkoperaweasel]

SONIC 3 POST CREDITS THOUGHTS

Spoilers obviously…

So as we now know, Metal and Amy are confirmed for Sonic 4. As an Amy fan, I am thrilled that we FINALLY get to have her in the movies, albeit rather late into the movie franchise. I wanted to talk a little bit about what we are seeing in this scene, as well as some of my hopes for Amy Rose’s movie portrayal.

As we can see, Amy’s combat seems like it will be different from her game self. Whereas game Amy uses her hammer and relies on her physical strength to defeat enemies, it seems like movie Amy will have some extra abilities with her hammer. In a way it seems to work like Thor’s hammer, where she can use it as a projectile against multiple enemies and summon it back.

Amy’s origin is that she uses her tarot cards and they basically tell her she will meet Sonic. This was something about her that had kind of been forgotten with Sega, up until recently. In Frontiers, Sonic make a few references to Amy and her fortune cards, and Amy actually uses them in the DLC. Some of her attacks also involve the cards.

It seems like in her portrayal, she will probably have some sort of magic, as we can see she appears to be able to float (or maybe she just jumped but it looks like floating to me). She very clearly has some combat experience and it’s interesting that the first time we see her, it’s a lot like Tails where it seems like she’s specifically trying to find Sonic. My prediction is that she will probably explain that she used her cards to find him, which is a nod to Sonic CD.

In terms of her seemingly having some sort of magical powers, I kind of have mixed feelings on that. I feel like part of what made Amy special is that she never really had special abilities the way others in the main cast do, but yet she’s still able to hold her own and be a hero in her own way. She’s also extroverted and kind hearted, which is why she’s able to so easily make friends and connect with others. I’m honestly scared that they’ll tone down those parts of her character just to make her more visibly “flashy.”

Her design is kind of perfect imo. At least, her face and hammer is. Im hoping she’ll have a similar outfit to her modern one under the cloak. It looks like they actually took a lot of Amy fans headcanons about her appearing in the cloak and decided to actually make that a reality. I’m sure the original fan who came up with that is gonna freak out when they see this.

As happy as I am for her appearance, I can’t help but feel very nervous for how her personality will be, especially when she has a reputation of being butchered. I really hope they don’t go the route of “girl character is stronger than the boy characters,” as that imo is actually more offensive than progressive. I am a woman btw so I think I’m allowed to have this opinion lol. A female character doesn’t have to be this overpowered character that is stronger than her male counterparts to be strong. I feel suggesting otherwise only implies that girls/women can only be alongside boys/men if they can prove to be better than them. That is simply not true. They can be equals. They can be strong in their own way. Amy does not have to prove anything to the Wachowski boys or to the audience. She is canonically strong and can fight. She is bubbly, she is kind, she is a romantic, she can be hotheaded, she is girly, and she is STRONG. All those things can and SHOULD coexist in her character. I don’t need her to be mellowed out into a stereotypical “I’m a girlboss who doesn’t need help from men” character. Amy’s crush on Sonic is important to her character because it shows that love is not a weakness, it can be a strength just as much as anything else.

My biggest ask for her character is to just LET AMY ROSE BE AMY ROSE.

[benjamin-benny-ben]

Personal opinion? Octavia DOESN’T have to forgive Stolas, contrary to what I’ve seen people saying.

Hear me out. I love them both, truly, but as a person who was put in a similar position to Octavia as a child (Dad cheated on my mom, A LOT, they divorced and my dad proceeded to basically ignore me and focus on his new family) I don’t think she has to forgive him immediately (or ever!!!!!). Obviously what I went through is very different. But she’s allowed to be pissed and feel abandoned cause she WAS. Even if Stolas IS trying to contact her, see her, etc. She’s allowed to be angry.

He by definition did leave her for his lover. Yes, it was a split decision because he had to think fast and Blitzø was about to be executed for using STOLAS’S GRIMOIRE THAT HE ALLOWED I.M.P. TO USE KNOWING IT WAS ILLEGAL. Stolas is NOT an “innocent precious baby” like some of yall make him out to be. He’s also flawed, and that’s why I like his character.

Yes, Stolas was abused and neglected as a child and in his marriage, but so was Octavia. She was raised in an extremely toxic household with an abusive mother, parents yelling at each other and one of them THROWING SHIT at the other. Even if Stolas didn’t abuse (well, hit her. He still neglected her, even if he didn’t mean to) himself, she was raised in an extremely toxic environment. She was ALSO neglected at points and Stolas just wouldn’t listen to her. Of course she’s going to be mad when her father seemingly abandoned her for his bf and leaves her with

I think if they sat down and Stolas explained everything to her, she’d maybe understand more. But that still doesn’t mean he DESERVES her forgiveness.

It’s a flawed show, everyone is flawed, it’s Hell. But I think Octavia has a reason to not want to speak to him and I think if she never spoke to him again, it’d be justified.

[fereldanwench]

I think I'm just about done with my impromptu blog clean-up! I'm still sorting some tagging systems out, but I've got the fandom and personal stuff squared away at the very least, which was where I really wanted a little refresh.

For those who are also organizational enthusiasts, these are a few of the tools and methods I used to make it a little easier to sort through over 25,000 posts accumulated over about 8 years. One major caveat is that most of these have to be used on a PC browser.

Tumblr Tools

Your Tumblr Mass Post Editor This is Tumblr's native mass post editor; the link is on the right-hand sidebar on your blog page (right under settings). It's very limited without any extensions, but you can do some batch actions like deleting a ton of posts or changing tags.

Your Tumblr Blog Archive This looks very similar to the post editor, but you can actually narrow down the posts by tag, which is super helpful. You can access this by going to your blog.tumblr.com/archive (e.g. fereldanwench.tumblr.com) but you must have custom themes enabled to view it (you can find that under your blog settings).

Tumblr Secret URLs Okay, they're not that secret, but they aren't readily accessible anywhere either and you have to manually enter them. There's a list here with the most helpful ones.

External Tools

Tumblr Tag List Generator This web tool will let you generate a list of the tags it can find on your blog. It's not 100% accurate--The "tags to exclude" option never seems to work for me, and it does miss stuff--But I love using this to find posts with random tags or tagged with a typo.

Tag Replacer There are a few different tag-replacing tools out there, but I like this one a lot because it'll let you play with different combinations of tags to delete, replace, or amend. For instance, I wanted to separate my community OC tags from just "other's ocs" and organize them by fandom: with this tool, I was able to search for posts that had both "g: cyberpunk 2077" and "other's ocs" and then I could replace those tags with "g: cyberpunk 2077" and "ocs: cyberpunk 2077" without replacing all the posts that also had "other's ocs."

Xkit Rewritten & New Xkit Browser Extensions These are increasingly less reliable without regular updates, and you can't even get New Xkit on some browsers right now because it's been flagged as a security risk (so obviously, use it with caution). Xkit Rewritten has a mass private tool for posts, and New Xkit adds a tag search in the native mass post editor--It's pretty glitchy and limited, but it helps.

And I'm just gonna drop some deets under the cut about my housekeeping because it's interesting to me:

I made this blog in March 2016; it was my 3rd or 4th account remake since first joining Tumblr in 2010.

(Tangent: 2 of my remakes in 2013 and 2015 were actually because I didn't like having as many followers as I had, lmao. This account has well surpassed those numbers, but Tumblr doesn't have as many active users as it used to, so it doesn't feel as daunting.)

I did not record the exact number of posts I had before I started purging, but it was around 25,000.

It's now down to 16,947!

Most of the stuff I deleted were TV and movie gifsets and non-fandom artwork, but I also purged a lot of fandom posts that no longer sparked joy. I did get a little overwhelmed for some months because there were so many posts and I know I probably removed stuff I would have preferred to keep.

Although seeing some stuff brought on Bad Feels, I also got a huge surge of inspiration diving through my archive, which is great, because that's exactly what I want out of my space.

Cyberpunk OCs absolutely dominated my OC tag--I ended with about 2700 posts for other folks' CP77 OCs. Dragon Age was next with about 800 posts.

One thing I would like to be more conscious of is minimizing reblogging art from "curator" blogs and finding more artists who are actively posting on Tumblr to support. I don't mind the curation blogs as long as they're sourcing the artist, but I'd just rather give love to the folks who are actually here.

My quietest year was 2019, likely due to a combination of a lot of people leaving after the great tiddy purge and getting more into Twitch and by extension Twitter.

April 2019 was my quietest month, which had 3 posts!!!! 3 posts!!! I post like 4x that amount in a day, lmao.

The Outer Worlds coming out at the end of 2019 brought me out of my semi-hiatus.

Not sure exactly what was my most active year/month, but I'd guess either 2022 or 2023. I do vaguely remember going from about 8000 posts in the middle of 2021 to feeling like that practically doubled by 2022. Cyberpunk really got me using this space again (to the point of my own mental and emotional detriment in some cases, but I got better, lmao).

[stinkysarai]

this this this this THIS. so tired. SO TIRED OF SEEING NATURALLY GIFTED ZUKO! he worked hard to master his skills, he did not effortlessly pick them up. he is not azula, who is a prodigy and genius. however, sokka IS a genius and a natural at anything and (mostly) everything. to switch it up and say that zuko is a natural and sokka isn’t is to diminish their characters and essentially say that you don’t understand them.

(this of course doesn’t count if you’re doing… like, swap aus!!)

this especially ruins the problems between zuko and azula because zuko is envious of azula because of her prodigious abilities, and azula only finds her worth in her smarts/skills, which is why she thinks of zuko as an inferior person. ‘naturally-attuned-to-everything’ zuko would a) have a completely different dynamic with azula and b) would end up completely changing the problem between them. why would azula think so little of her brother when they’re both on the same page, or when he’s even better than her? why would zuko be jealous of azula when he’s just as good as she is? UGHHH!!!!!! screams

if anything sokka would be the one teaching things to zuko who would then work hard to further progress his skills. HELL if anything zuko would have to beg to be helped by him because sokka would just be like ‘little old useless me? gifted where? are you ok in the head??’ both of these guys have little-to-no self-esteem possible. the littlest amount there is even. and mental illness. all of them in fact. every single one known to mankind. ok thats a joke but you get my point i think

sorry for the rant reblog its 5 am and i love sokka and zuko and azula because they’re all me and i’m all them; yes this is impossible but fuck that i just made it possible. i am ill

Been reading a lot of zukka fics lately, and I keep noticing people writing modern day fics where Zuko is good at all things and teaches Sokka stuff that Sokka then works hard to be good at.

You fuckers, Zuko is not naturally good at shit. He worked super hard to be good at all things he does. He is NOT a prodigy, Azula is.

Sokka is naturally good at everything. He picks up skills instantly. He is just good at haikus, he just learns to be a swordmaster after like a week, he just is good at fighting after Suki teaches him for like a day. The man picks up skills like he picks up elbow leeches. He failed that one time on the day of the black sun and had the most massive meltdown about it because he’s never failed before.

[al-luviec]

juvie buddies

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Asunder

slow-paced high fantasy

a woman who has a contract with an eldritch entity allowing her to see the dead & survives by taking various jobs

when a job searching for stranded smugglers in a cave goes wrong, she ends up with the soul of a dying stranger bound to her shadow

along with a scholar and her old childhood friend, they travel to his home country to find a way to unbind him and save them both

dark fantasy world with gods, demonic entities, arcane magic, and semi-sentient beasts used as transport

[gibbearish]

kinda frustrating how we've spent the last few months acknowledging how a lot of well intentioned but guilt trippy social justice posts are like specifically designed to worm into ocd ppls brains and then now every single post abt palestine is "i dont care how bad your mental health is, i dont care how bad looking at all this makes you feel, if you don't read every single post you see on this topic in full you are a horrible person and directly contributing to their deaths. 'waaaah my mental health' well at least youre not being bombed, did you think about that??" and its like. i absolutely get where youre coming from but you dont get to complain that guilt tripping is bad then turn around and use it anyways because you think the cause youre using it for is worthwhile. like. everyone thinks the cause theyre using it for is worthwhile, thats why theyre using it. but its still a shit way to do it

[giantkillerjack]

ur post about queerbaiting and the dismissal of people in fandom to critical analysis is so incredibly true thank you. i feel like marcille's writing in the anime has been super misogynistic a lot of the time and every time i bring this up all anyone wants to say is "well maybe this isn't for you! and you shouldn't watch the show!" like. i don't think this is about taste lmao, i am analyzing the text in front of me and coming to conclusions about the craft of it.

[This is in reference to this post]

YES!!! THANK YOU!!!!!

It is so so frustrating!!!!

It's like being at a restaurant and being served a bunch of delicious appetizers, but then one of the bread appetizers is literally just a plate of crumbs; and then when you're like, "Hey, uhh, why are we being served literal crumbs?", a bunch of the other folks eating at the restaurant are like,

"WELL HOW ABOUT YOU JUST DON'T EAT HERE THEN??!? YOU MUST NOT BE THAT HUNGRY, SO JUST FIND ANOTHER RESTAURANT AND DON'T EAT WITH US!!"

And maybe they say it politely, but "Aw, sorry, maybe this restaurant just isn't for you 💖" is just trading out an aggressive dismissive tone for a patronizing dismissive tone. It's the same message.

And it's like! I was honestly happy to move on from the crumbs once my complaint was acknowledged because the meal overall is still delicious, but then all these folks got SUPER WEIRD AND DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT, so now I find myself double-checking all the other dishes -- and, actually, you know what those eggs DO look a Iittle misogynistic undercooked!!!!

[aerithisms]

i think maybe i need to replay rebirth some time to look at this diplomatically because aerith is My Favourite and i might be biased but i think my biggest story critique of rebirth is that i wish they'd done a little more with her. given that this is the game she dies in i found it strange that they didn't push her into the foreground a little more since this is their last real chance to do that with her as a living member of the party (i'm sure she'll show up in some limited capacity in part 3 but dead lifestream!aerith is pretty different to alive!aerith i think).

i know that sounds like a weird thing to say when you consider stuff like them giving her the game's theme song to sing during loveless and the fact that the last chapter is basically The Aerith Movie but there is a strange lack of focus on her in moments where it feels like we should get more from her throughout the narrative. this game pushes tifa and cloud's relationship more in the mandatory story segments, and i LOVED what they did with that relationship in this game, but it felt odd that the same focus was not given to cloud's relationship with aerith throughout the story given that the ending hinges on him being so devastated by her death that he enters a delusional state of grief. and this isn't even a shipping thing bc as far as shipping goes i'm an aerti truther and i feel pretty equally neutral about both cloti and clerith as romances (if anything i prefer cloti!). it's about giving proper narrative buildup to the relationship that the game's tragic ending hinges on - a lot of aerith's most interesting scenes with cloud in the bulk of the game are optional, which i think is a weird thing to do given what the game is building to.

i also wish they did more with her being a cetra! again, the last couple chapters put focus on this but prior to that aerith is weirdly quiet about it. particularly in cosmo canyon, while we do get the lovely bonfire scene, aerith otherwise has a weird lack of dialogue when it comes to the lore dump scenes with the gi and bugenhagen. i expected her to feel some type of way about these revelations but any indication of that is at best subtext and she doesn't really say a lot about it. and for all that they emphasise aerith and nanaki's connection early on as beings closer to the planet, once you get to cosmo canyon there's a weird lack of payoff for it. same with tifa's dunk in the lifestream - i kinda thought aerith might have something to say about it as a cetra, and in fairness i think it's possible she did and the game is withholding some of aerith and tifa's offscreen interactions for part 3 (i swear this isn't even just an aerti cope lol i think the fact that they deliberately show them talking without us getting to hear it might be something they come back to), but i also wish we got to connect with this part of aerith's character more NOW, while she's still here, so it can inform our understanding of her choices and feelings at the end. i just find it kind of a bummer because aerith's complicated relationship to her heritage is a fascinating aspect of her character and her tragedy that i think goes a little untapped in this game, which means it's likely to go untapped in the story as a whole since she's. you know. dead.

[thats-my-passion-right-there]

I finally saw the mean girls musical (the movie one) I have so many fucking thoughts oh my god

[eisthenameofme]

i wonder if there's the potential for a solution to the doxxing fucking over marginalized people specifically thing and/or the some people only being able/knowing where to engage with community online thing if we we were able to like. weaponize the relative lack of actual anonymity in the opposite direction.

like for one thing, instead of doxxing just resulting in problems from others in person, using that information to actively support the person instead, and for another for the other potentially more targeted use of the internet to find people to engage with in person (although that one you'd have to be even more careful about in case it worked in the opposite direction. I'm just thinking it would be nice to have something more structured/widespread than happening to find out your internet friends are in your local area, that could potentially be used to circumvent people not meeting in third spaces/other issues people have initially finding local community in person.)

It would be nice if instead of exclusively finding offline solutions/telling people how to be more careful we could also use what's often part of the problem to our advantage when it does happen. Like, having a way to address it that isn't only preventative.

[supernovaa-remnant]

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