#well supposedly the mechanics are good but so far i disagree

[atthebell]

the ONLY good scene in this game so far but i'm just happy there's finally a xenomorph

[dweetwise]

day 21: i don’t feel so well

prompt from: whumptober pairing: felix x ace notes: the hanahaki au nobody asked for. i’m still a little confused about the trope but i tried <3 warnings: descriptions of illness, injury and blood, temporary character death word count: 3130

“That was awesome! She didn't stand a chance!” Steve cheers.

“That's what she gets for camping. What a bitch!” Nea laughs

Ace grins despite the pain, steadying himself against Jeff's sturdy form while the four of them are making their way back to the campfire after a successful trial.

His head is swimming and there's blood staining his teeth, his back stinging from numerous bloody gashes from the killer's katana. But he's alive, even if he had to crawl out through the exit, his teammates not letting the Spirit secure the kill on him.

When they get back to camp, Steve and Nea are off to spin the tale of their rescue to the others, and Ace can't help but smile when they generously color the experience; just like he would.

Jeff supports him to sit down against one of the logs, offering a somewhat awkward "There you go, buddy" in encouragement.

Ace sees Quentin hand Claudette one of his med-kits and then the group's resident healer approaches him with determined steps.

“Hey, sweetheart—” Ace starts with a grin.

“Stalling isn't going to work,” Claudette shoots him down quickly, seeing right through his act. So Ace sighs dramatically and shrugs off his jacket, and the girl immediately hikes up his shirt to start cleaning the wounds on his back.

Ace hisses from the sting of some kind of alcohol, turning his attention back to the others to try to distract himself from the pain.

Most of the others are listening to to Steve's and Nea's story while the rest are scattered around camp, doing their own things. Kate is tuning her guitar, Jake is stocking one of his toolboxes, and Cheryl seems to be practicing the card trick Ace taught her a couple of days ago.

And then there's Felix.

Finally giving himself permission to look at the handsome German, Ace's heart immediately starts beating faster. He's not even doing anything, just sitting by the fire engrossed in a conversation with Zarina, but Ace is so infatuated even just Felix breathing is almost enough to make him blush.

He thought he was too old for schoolboy crushes like these, but then again how could he not fancy Felix? The guy has some absolutely god-tier genes, a chiseled face and ice blue eyes and a body to die for. He’s also smart, and sophisticated, and filthy rich.

And god knows none of those qualities had ever been Ace's strong suit.

At first Ace had thought his hyperfixation on the man was jealousy, but then his body showed him that was definitely not the case; he didn't want to be Felix, he wanted to be in Felix. The realization didn't phase him as much as it maybe should have, because even the straight-as-a-board Ash had commented on Felix's good looks. And Ace sure as hell wasn't even straight to begin with.

No, his panic had come from when he'd caught himself looking at couples like Jeff and Adam being mushy together and imagined himself and Felix in their place.

Ace had a healthy amount of confidence, though the others might not describe it that kindly, but he wasn't blind. Felix was younger than him, maybe not by an impossible amount but still enough to be noticeable. He was also model-tier gorgeous with a body to match, and while Ace wasn't bad-looking he also had a crooked nose and a build solely used for drinking and gambling.

All in all, he recognized when someone was out of his league, and even though he couldn't resist a cheeky flirt ever now and then, he knew his feelings would never be returned.

But he still allowed himself to look; sue him.

He's in the middle of an indulgent daydream about laying his head on Felix's lap like Kate is doing to Yui on the other side of camp, all the while effortlessly keeping up small talk with Claudette tending to his wounds.

And then he starts coughing.

It's not a normal dry cough, it wracks his entire body and keeps going, and he curls in on himself because damn it’s making his throat hurts and his lungs ache something fierce.

“Ace, what's wrong?” Claudette's worried voice cuts through the attack. He tries to reply but it just makes him cough more, and it's not stopping—

Something slimy lands in the palm he's using to cover his mouth and then he can breathe again, taking sharp gasps of air while his throat tingles from the abuse.

He looks at whatever piece of his organs he managed to cough up, the Spirit's blade probably having rearranged some of his guts. He opens his hand and sees—

A flower?

It's absolute covered in blood, but there's no mistaking it, a single flower sitting in the palm of his hand with some loose petals surrounding it.

Why did he cough up a flower? Where did he even get it? It looks like some sort of cherry blossom, a far cry from the Entity's pustulas or the forest bouquets they pick and use for offerings.

“Are you okay?" Claudette asks, moving to kneel beside him in worry. When she sees the flower, she gasps in surprise.

“What happened?” Meg is quick to join her friend, coming up behind Ace to peer over his shoulder. “Uh… did that flower come out of you?”

“I… guess so?” Ace says, his voice raspy and throat protesting being used.

“So you just, like… ate it? Before?” Steve cocks his head in confusion.

“Come on now, I'm not that stupid,” Ace snorts, some of his worry giving way to amusement over the incredulous situation.

“Then what the hell was that?” Meg asks, scrunching her face up in thought while poking at the gross flower.

“I’m pretty sure I know what’s wrong,” Adam raises his voice from across camp, straightening his back when all eyes turn to him. “It’s an illness, I recognize the symptoms."

“Can't say I've ever heard of a disease that makes you barf petals,” Ash offers, clearly skeptical, and Ace shares the sentiment.

“Shh, hear him out!” Laurie scolds.

"It's a Japanese folk story,” Adam explains. “Flowers start growing in a person's lungs, causing coughing and bleeding and..." he hesitates.

“Well?” Meg demands.

"And ultimately resulting in death, unless the condition is cured," Adam says grimly.

“Are you talking about hanahaki?” Yui pipes up before anyone can question the weird statement. “You know that's just a shojo manga trope, right?”

“It's also mentioned in historical literature,” Adam argues, though from the way he refuses to meet Yui's gaze, he seems to be embarrassed over the subject.

“Dude, nobody cares if you read girl comics, just tell us what the cure is,” Feng snorts, and that's probably the most concern Ace has ever seen her display over his well-being.

“It's—” Adam starts, before faltering, awkwardly scratching at his neck while looking at the ground. “Supposedly caused by unrequited love.”

There's dead silence in the camp.

And then Nea bursts out laughing.

“Jesus, what a story!” the tagger snickers. “Can you imagine Ace as a fairytale princess?”

“Honey, I think you might have gotten some myths mixed up,” Jeff says diplomatically, patting Adam's knee affectionately.

“Yeah, you probably just inhaled a flower in your sleep or something,” Steve encourages Ace.

“I'm pretty sure this is just a practical joke from our dear spidery overlord,” Ace chuckles and pointedly doesn't look Felix's way. Come next trial, his injuries will have healed anyway, including the weird burn in his lungs.

But they don’t.

Trial after trial, the Entity resurrects him and heals all of his wounds but the coughing persists, more and more flowers following.

Even the others are getting worried.

“That's it, bud,” Ash offers, patting his back while Ace is wheezing for breath after coughing up some more petals. “It's just a weird flu, you'll be good as new soon.”

“At least the flowers go with my shirt,” Ace jokes, voice reduced to a rasp, clearing his throat. “Pink was always my color.”

He's trying to keep his and the others' spirits high, since there doesn't seem to be anything they can do to fix the situation.

“We need to do something,” Ace hears Laurie hiss to Dwight, apparently disagreeing with his sentiment.

“B-but how can we even help him?” their leader, bless his heart, looks genuinely upset over Ace's condition.

“Maybe we should try Adam's suggestion," Laurie says.

“Yeah, except you know he wouldn’t tell us even if he did like someone,” Yui huffs from beside them. “Good luck getting an answer out of a compulsive liar.”

Ouch, but also fair. Ace sure as hell isn't going to reveal his dumb little crush, especially since Felix has avoided him since this entire goddamn flower thing started. He knows there's only a slim chance that Felix realizes what's really going on, but it still feels like rejection nonetheless.

He can deal with this. Even if it kills him, the Entity will just bring him back anyway. It's not even that bad.

But then it gets so much worse.

After a week, Ace is laying on his side while black spots dance around in his vision and he struggles to draw enough wheezy breaths into his lungs. His chest hurts, and his throat is so sore even just the air passing through burns like fire. He hasn't been able to speak in days, and that's almost worse than the pain, not being able to use his only coping mechanism of running his mouth until something sticks to lighten the mood.

His head is cushioned on Kate's thigh and he gets a tiny bit of satisfaction from the knowledge that at least he managed to lay in one pretty blonde's lap before dying, even if it’s the wrong one. The touch is comforting nonetheless, though the fact that it’s accompanied by Kate's girlfriend practically screaming in his ear kind of puts a damper on the whole thing.

“I swear to god, I will make every single person in this camp kiss you, do not test me,” Yui threatens, one of the few who haven't given up on curing him. “Is it Jane? Bill?”

If Ace had the energy, he'd probably laugh about her choices, curious as to why those two were the ones she picked. As it stands, he merely stares at her, wondering if his eyes look as dull and lifeless as he feels.

“He's going to die,” Jake says from somewhere to his side, but Ace doesn't even bother turning his head or denying the statement. Hurried voices shush the saboteur while Kate starts humming a melody to distract him, Yui glaring absolute daggers in Jake’s general direction.

His next trial, Jake's prediction comes true.

Ace collapses to the ground in the midst of a coughing fit. The flowers are growing even bigger now, he can feel them tearing at his throat and vocal cords, retching when they trigger his gag reflex on their way out. His vision blurs and then goes black, body finally giving up as the illness consumes him.

He's not even injured from the killer, but the pool of blood he falls into is big enough to cover the entire side of his face. He lays there, not sure if he's even breathing, just thankful that the awful coughing has stopped for at least a moment.

When he comes to, he expects the small comfort of the campfire before he has to go through the same thing again. Instead, he doesn't have enough energy to even open his eyes, slowly realizing he's still in the trial.

It takes him even longer to realize he's being held partly off of the ground, his body hanging limply in someone’s grasp. He idly wonders if a killer is going to mercy hook him, but then he hears something.

Crying.

Focusing on the sound, Ace realizes he's not just being lifted, he's being held in someone's arms. Someone is holding his near-dead body and crying.

With both his mind and body broken from suffering for so long, he allows himself to imagine it's Felix, even though he knows it's not true. Felix has shown he doesn't care, not talking to him and being so grossed out by his symptoms he’s barely even looked at him—

“Das tut mir leid,” is whispered against his hair, and Ace wonders if he's hallucinating or if his brain has given up on speech comprehension, because that sounded an awful lot like German.

Suddenly, he gains some of his strength back, his chest not feeling nearly as tight as it has for the past few days.

“Felix?” Ace asks, and even though it comes out as a raspy whisper, it's impossible to miss in the stillness of the quiet moment. The surprised hitch of breath he gets in response sounds impossibly loud, and he manages to blink awake just enough to see the tear-streaked, wide-eyed face of the person he never thought he could have.

And that's when the Entity decides he's bled on the ground long enough and he blacks out from blood loss.

When Ace comes to, he's no longer in pain. He can breathe. And he wants nothing more than to get back to camp and be reassured that he wasn't imagining Felix being there for him in his final moments.

He runs to the campfire, panting from exertion once he's illuminated by the familiar glow and shocked faces turn to look at him.

“What the—did you run here!?” Meg exclaims incredulously.

“Yeah,” Ace says, eyes scanning the small crowd of familiar faces, so focused on finding a particular one he doesn't even realize the implications of managing to speak without issue.

“Your voice!” Kate exclaims happily, and Ace pauses to collect some of his thoughts.

“Shit, you're right,” he says, a smile tugging on his lips for the first time in what feels like weeks.

“Welcome back, you bastard!” Nea cheers and flings herself at him in a sideways hug, and Ace stumbles to catch himself from falling, chuckling at her antics.

Claudette is sobbing, looking impossibly relieved, and the others are cheering among themselves, though Ace can't make out the contents because he sees a familiar figure making its way to camp and his entire world zones in on that person.

Felix looks up at the sound of the commotion, and Ace's heart breaks a little over how puffy his eyes still look, but then their eyes meet and Felix looks so hopeful—

“Hey,” Ace says, and it probably gets drowned out by the others, but Felix's eyes widen in recognition and he starts walking faster.

“Are you…?” Felix asks, close enough for Ace to hear him over the others shouting.

“He's fixed!” Nea answers for him, finally letting go of the almost painful hug in favor of smacking Ace on the back encouragingly.

Felix glances at Nea but quickly looks back at Ace, waiting for confirmation.

“Yeah, I… guess I'm cured,” Ace says, and it almost feels weird to hear his own voice again. “Or... You know, I hope so.”

Because he's still not sure about Felix's feelings, and he has no idea where they're going to go from here.

But he doesn't need to worry, because Felix's face lights up in a way he's never seen before, letting out a disbelieving, genuine laugh. And then he's stepping forward and cupping his cheek and Ace only has time to blink in confusion before his head is tilted up into a kiss.

“Woah,” Ace hears Nea exclaim, her hand leaving his back like burned. “This, uh… this is new.”

Ace smiles into the kiss and tunes out the rest of her and the others’ surprised babbling, grabbing Felix by the collar of his dress shirt and pulling him deeper into the kiss.

When neither of them are making a move to pull away, their friends seem to be getting fidgety from the show.

“Why don’t we go for a stroll in the woods?” Kate suggests, and the chorus of “Sure!” “Great idea!” and “Oh fuck yes get me out of here” that follow are enough for a laugh to bubble up in Ace’s throat and get swallowed by Felix’s mouth.

When the last pair of footsteps have hurried away, Felix deems it appropriate to finally break away from the kiss. Though he doesn’t go far, burying his head into the crook of Ace’s neck and shoulder and wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug.

“Welcome back,” Felix murmurs against his skin, and the warm affection spreading through Ace’s chest is a welcome change from the constant pain he’s been in for way too long.

“Didn’t expect such a thorough welcome,” Ace can’t resist flirting, hands sneaking up to rest on Felix’s incredibly firm back. The chuckle he gets in return reverberates through both of their bodies due to how close they are, and Ace wonders if Felix can hear his heart frantically beating in excitement.

“I’m… shit,” Felix eventually sighs, lifting his head to meet Ace’s eyes. “I don’t know how to make up for being an idiot. I just watched you suffer and didn’t know what to do.”

“It’s okay,” Ace says, but now he’s curious. “Why did you avoid me?”

“Because I was afraid that I'd get the illness too,” Felix says, looking at the ground in shame. “I thought any one of us could get it, and because of how I feel about you… I was scared I was next.”

The confirmation that Felix had feelings for him even before this whole clusterfuck started is enough to make more butterflies dance in Ace’s gut, a flush creeping up his neck over how the other is openly spilling his heart.

“If I’d have known I was the one causing it, I would have done something sooner. I’m so sorry," Felix murmurs, looking at him with sad puppy eyes.

“Hey, it's not like I was being very cooperative,” Ace points out, giving his most encouraging smile. “It's not your fault, it's the dumb flower sickness.”

“I'm sorry you had to go through that, regardless,” Felix frowns. “But… I'm glad it lead us here,” he adds with a bashful smile that makes Ace’s heart do a couple leaps.

“Figures the best and worst things of my life would happen simultaneously,” Ace flirts, and apparently Felix enjoys being called the best thing in his life, because his sappy smile widens even further.

Ace can’t resist diving in for another taste, capturing smiling lips in a kiss that lasts even longer than the first one and makes their friends groan and complain about “Geez, you’re still going?” when they rejoin them at the campfire.

[orionsangel86]

.

You know when I first joined Twitter I had many reservations. I had always heard that Twitter fandom was pretty toxic and for that reason I tried to avoid it as long as possible. Eventually with Tumblr slowly dying I just went for it. I was... pretty damn naive when I joined up.

I have always said, over and over again, that my main reason for even being in fandom was to meet new people and make new friendships that would outlast Supernatural. At this point in time I feel I have accomplished this, though I am always open to making new friends. I like to think, that this being my primary reason for being here, it makes me a genuine person. I am not altogether that interested in popularity, getting the most followers, making my opinion the one everyone MUST believe in, and I never had much interest in “fighting” antis first hand. Sure I liked writing meta and would defend myself if I was attacked, but seeking out drama and forcing my opinion on others were never things that I cared about.

Twitter changed me. I said I was naive, and I was particularly naive to people seeking me out, being super nice to me, inviting me into lots of various fandom GCs and welcoming me with open arms. When people do that, you feel loved, you feel like you are a part of something, and very quickly it can become addictive. You very easily start feeling like those people are your friends, and you get protective of them. You support them, stand up for them, and turn a blind eye when their behaviour gives you pause.

The other thing you should know about me is that I am an empath. Sometimes this is a strength, and sometimes it is a weakness. I hate the idea of upsetting people, and I feel strongly towards those who are upset. I always try to see different points of view in a situation, and I am very consciencous of offending people - When I have offended others, I tend to dwell on it for a long time afterwards, wanting to make things right. But I also think that being empathic can make me prone to manipulation. Especially of the emotional kind. When that happens I can get defensive myself, when I suspect emotional manipulation I shut down very quickly, and I can get spiteful towards it. It’s a defense mechanism. I often regret my actions later. I feel like Twitter fandom has brought out some of my nastier qualities, but I feel that I need to explain where I think this has come from.

I was invited into a GC that in hindsight, was a bad place. It was supposedly a place created to vent about things that upset us, and to keep an eye on that “other” side of fandom - the bronlys. It was a secret place, you must never talk about this GC, I was told. This GC didn’t exist. I’m going to talk about this GC, and in doing so will probably get attacked, subtweeted, called out directly, called a liar, exposed for being this that and whatever, probably have my private DMs shared, and yeah... a whole bunch of shit probably. I’m altogether not prepared for any of that, but since I have that whole bunch blocked now, I’m hoping any shit they say about me will blow over. Anyone who truly knows me, knows I am not the person they make me out to be anyway.

When I first joined that GC the point was to call out hate towards the cast and the writers. To find tagged tweets and bullying and harassment and make sure that the wider fandom knew exactly who the problem people were. I believed in that process. I believed that we were doing good for the fandom in making newer fans aware of who needed to be avoided, as I had heard stories first hand of people who had come into fandom reached out to bigger fandom accounts and immediately been shut down and bullied just for saying they liked Castiel or shipped Dean and Cas. I was angry at those hateful people and wanted some kind of justice for them, so yeah, I joined in happily with the call outs.

But over the past year, things have changed. First, it was not just calling out bronlies, it was calling out extreme stans, who also tagged the writers in their hate. Sure, I wasn’t happy that anyone was tagging the writers in hate, so fuck those people. They can go to hell. I’ll support the calling out of those names too. Then, when people started turning on meta writers like me and taking the piss out of our meta, calling it bullshit and mocking us, it was hurtful, so when that GC rallied together to support me and my fellow meta writers and call out those assholes I was all for it. They were screencapping my meta and calling me deluded after all, why shouldn’t I defend myself and get my friends to help? People in fandom can be dicks when they want to be. But then again, so can we all.

Then it got weird. I think people in fandom started getting nervous about the final season announcement and how the show would end. Cas stans started getting extremely negative about his chances for survival. Destiel shippers started complaining about Destiel being queerbaiting and planning on going after the writers if it didn’t go canon. These were people who I was mutuals with, whose accounts I followed, and whose opinions, whilst they were kind of upsetting for me as a positive fan, were untagged personal opinions and not hate. Those people weren’t attacking positive fans, though sometimes discussions got heated, arguably it got heated on both sides. When the GC started going after those people I started feeling uncomfortable. But I kept quiet. This, I have come to realise, was a huge mistake.

Suddenly other fans were fighting against the GC people. They (we) were called “the fandom police” and “the bully squad” by so many others. I started noticing how other fans, fellow Destiel shippers, were blocking me and avoiding me for my associations with this group. I watched as the GC people started slagging off accounts that were my long time mutuals, my close friends, people I had met in real life and knew to be good people all because they had voiced a slightly negative opinion about the show. If you are relatively well known in Supernatural fandom, chances are this GC has slagged you off.

At the same time, I had watched how some of my friends within the GC “clique” had started changing, how their behaviour online was becoming aggressive and mean. How they were antagonistic and bullyish. My friends. People who I knew were good people before. The dog piling, the condescending tones, the entitled sense of righteousness, it all added up. I started trying to voice my concerns, both to people I was close to within the GC privately, and timidly within the GC itself - for which I was shut down. I started reconsidering my own behaviour online. Had I too acted like this? Had I also aggressively gone after people for simply voicing a negative opinion? Had I also shown myself to be exactly what this GC was supposed to be fighting against?

Some of the others privately admitted to feeling the same way. Some of us backed off and stopped associating with the main GC accounts. We kept our distance from them, some I know muted them. But none of us left the GC. I wish I had back then rather than letting it escalate further.

It had once again got worse from just going after people with negative opinions, now they were going after anyone who disagreed with their specific opinions. Either you agree with us, or you are an idiot. I couldn’t stomach it anymore. My friend, who was also in the GC, decided to query this new line of thinking because she disagreed with the “big opinion”. This is what kicked off all the drama. I’m not going to go into detail about it because otherwise it’ll get too obvious and personal and I want to keep this vague because whilst these people have hurt me and spread lies about me I actually don’t intend to call them out personally or reveal whose who in the group.

Just know this. By the time I eventually spoke up it was apparantly too late. My admittence of my discomfort was seen as a betrayal. There were private DMs in which I got defensive and snapped back whilst emotional about basically losing all my closest Twitter friends, and some messages I sent which I am not proud of. If they get out, fair enough. Judge me all you like. Just understand that I was extremely upset and confused how no one else apparantly saw the issues I was seeing; that this GC was indeed bullying and policing fandom, and that these people were intimidating, threatening, and manipulating everyone into believing they were victims.

I tried to let it drop, I tried to ignore it. I wanted to keep quiet. But my quitting the GC, my request to those who were calmer and less inclined towards bad behaviour to at least keep the ones who were bullying fandom in line, didn’t stop them. Their behaviour has only escalated further and Twitter fandom right now is an awful place because of it. The bronlys must be laughing at us, because Destiel fandom has turned cannabalistic.

I spoke out recently. I tried to keep it vague in a tweet about the recent drama in general. But one thing I said gets pulled out separately and suddenly I’m the big bad wolf invalidating people and I’m a horrible person who is clearly fetishising destiel as I want them to fuck on the map table apparantly?!?! I mean, this is what these people do. They take something and blow it up. They twist your words, they basically throw a dictionary of large complex words at you claiming you are x,y,and z. they use terms like gaslighting and strawmanning aimed at you and in the confusion it takes you forever to actually realise that they are doing those things themselves. Constantly. To everyone.

Look I took it too far. I subtweeted too. I exhibited those bad behaviours as well. Hell, I learned from the best after all. I was in that GC for a year. Of course I am still trying to unlearn those behaviours. I am not proud of my behaviour on Twitter. After this post, I will try to do be better. Everyday. I will be better. I apologise to anyone I may have hurt by supporting and encouraging that behaviour.

I have had mutual friends tell me privately that I need to stop. What upsets me, is that those mutuals aren’t exactly telling the others to stop too. No. Those were the mutuals who stayed quiet whilst those particular people just constantly attacked and bullied everyone. So I’m sorry, but this is me not stopping, this is me making one last post on the topic. This is me telling my story as I see it. This is me pouring my heart out and getting it off my chest. This is my truth. I’m not spinning lies here, I’m not trying to twist anything, because I think I also come across quite badly. But the recent accusations against me, claiming I don’t care for anyone else in fandom, that my calling out “so called bullying” is just my personal vendetta against people who used to be my friends. Well, yes. Technically you’d be right there, they did used to be my friends, but no. Where you are wrong, is saying I don’t care. Because if I didn’t care about the bullying that I am STILL seeing on my timeline via upset mutuals reacting to the hurtful tweets of those I have blocked, I would just ignore it and not cause myself further drama. If I didn’t 100% believe those people were bullies, they’d still be my friends. I wouldn’t have called them out. Why would I put myself through all this if I didn’t 100% believe what I’ve been saying? That’s just madness.

Because here’s the thing, I HATE bullies. I have been bullied my whole fucking life, and what I hate MORE than that, was that through that GC I also became something that I hated. Because by associating with them for that year, I might as well have called myself a bully too. And that I just can’t forgive.

So my reason for writing this post is twofold.

1. Yes, it’s to defend the lies spread against me. So that those wondering if I am actually a fake bitch with a vendetta against certain people can make up their own minds. Perhaps this post exasperates that, or in your minds confirms their accusations about me. Maybe it does. I would argue that I am not fake. This isn’t fake. This is my personal truth and a very personal account of things that have greatly hurt me and caused me much internal conflict over the past few months. Those people who I am accusing (whose names I have left out to stupidly protect their privacy because believe it or not I’m not a bitch who encourages harassment against anyone even people I consider bullies) will never admit that their behaviour is wrong. They will continue to attempt to convince anyone who asks that I turned on them for no reason, or because I blindly follow my friend who they are also attacking and exposing right now for getting emotional and taking a DM convo too far. If you choose to believe them that is your right, clearly you and I were never close enough for you to trust my word over the words of people whose behaviour is clearly and proudly splashed all over their own social media accounts. Frankly, if you see all that, and still believe that behaviour is okay, you are no friend of mine.

2. It’s because I want people to know that actually, through all the pain and drama and emotion and loss of friendship, and conflict and struggle with my mental health, I do care. I care too damn much. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have spent an hour of my Sunday writing this out. Because this has been toiling and whirling inside me painfully for months and I am fed up of it. I had to write it down. I had to get it out of me. I want these people out of my life for good, but I can’t sit by and let bullies continue to manipulate my fandom, my mutuals, my friends who I see encouraged by their behaviour to imitate it. They are unfortunately very good at encouraging others to also partake in their behaviour. Please do not fall for it. Please consider your tone when tweeting or replying to someone with an opposing opinion. Please don’t feed bad behaviour by liking it and tweeting it just because you agree with the specific opinion buried within the condescension. Please don’t throw around strong accusations like homophobia against your fellow queer fans just because they have different desires from this dumb show that we all love.

If you can all do that for me, then I will promise to do it for you too.

I am terrified to post this post. I know that in doing so I am burning quite a few bridges. I know that those I accuse will do everything in their power to make out that I am insane, that I am a psycho. I know that I am exposing myself to more attacks, more harassment. I am sure there will be plenty of twitter threads dragging my name through the mud. They’ll dismiss all of this, call it bullshit, once again claim its just my personal vendetta against certain people. I guess I’m hoping that by anticipating all this and writing it down, it might give those people pause to just stop and leave me be. Stop the cycle of bad behaviour that has caused all this escalation and go back to enjoying the show without policing everyone else.

At this point I just want everyone to know the truth. Whether you believe it or not is your prerogative. This show ends in a few months time and I just want to enjoy it without seeing bullying in my timeline. That’s what this has always been about.

We must stand up to bullying. We must not let it ruin the final few months of this show. This post is my final word on the topic. I won’t respond to anything else. I won’t respond to any threats, any subtweets against me going forward. Hateful anons will be blocked. I won’t respond to anyone asking me for more info and I have no intention of naming people personally or giving more clues as to the GC or the people who were in it. So please don’t ask. Just keep an eye out for bad behaviour in fandom and if you see it, block or mute the source, only call it out if you know you have the mental capabilities to tackle the gaslighting. But absolutely do not support it. Do not feed the bullies as attention is what they want most of all, that and making their words the only words fandom follows.

I am done with this now. I won’t discuss this more.

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Waver 1 - 13 (FINAL) | Prisma Illya 1 - 10 (FINAL) | Prisma Illya 2wei! 1 - 3

Another (and to be honest, the last) batch of impressions from the Fate/ project.

Waver 1

Well, this’ll be interesting. I’ve been hyping this show up for a while for myself, so let’s see how it goes.

Geez, this intro is like a dang movie! I’d love to see a proper Troyca movie! (<-Says the fan of Troyca.)

Wait, if it’s Kayneth Archibald, then is Archibald relatd to Archisorte? Or am I just making thing up here…? Also note Reines refers to Kayneth as “Kayneth El-Melloi Archibald”, possibly meaning Archibald is the middle name, since El-Melloi is a shared surname (or is that a title…?). That probably means Archibald =/= Archisorte and both are similar-sounding middle names. The fact Reines is Kayneth’s niece also explains things quite a bit.

Why is Waver upside down…? Won’t the blood rush to his head soon? (Sure, it allows me to ogle his hair more, but…logic rules more than my stupid whims, y’know?)

Interesting. You can see that although Waver grew out his hair, there’s two layers to it – the longer one in the front and the shorter one in the back. (I’m just curious because I like the hime cut – which is pretty similar - and long hair on dudes in general, in part because both are fairly rare.)

Okay, that explained my gripe with upside-down Waver. Thanks, Reines. (<-genuine)

Aw, Waver buddy, even at this stage, you’re plenty cute. Don’t ever change! (<- As you can see, I am an easily pleased person in most cases.)

Melvin who now???

Troyca’s comic animation rules! It’s too bad Idolish7 Second Beat is using chibis instead of this…

Professor Kayneth. I forgot he had a formal title. I wonder, does Waver - I mean, El-Melloi II – have that title as well?

I guess I should’ve known Saber had the capability to look scary, but…I never knew Saber could look so scary…

*cut to eyecatch* - *points at eyecatch* Okay, someone tried to save budget here, didn’t they???

Aw, friendship between fiction boys is cute…until it involves the puking up on blood on one end.

Waver is the OG underdog here…don’tcha think?

“…with several demands.” – Uh-oh…this is gonna be bad, isn’t it?

You need a Tuner for Magic Crests? (…Like a tuning fork, but a person?) *brow raised in suspicion*

…is it appropriate for me to say “Oh, good lord!” now? (Okay, I did that rather deliberately, but normally in these notes I’d self-censor it to be “oh, goodness” or something like that.)

Seriously, the black-haired dude in the Ionian Hetairoi is my favourite, even if only because he looks like Waver (and he’s really easy to spot, to boot).

Why is this in first person??? I’ve dropped entire shows based on their usage of 1st person cam! Room Mate and Makura no Danshi basically scarred me for life on that front…and both of those are TV shorts!

Hey, wait a second. This “use a quote on the titlecard” thing is clearly an Ei Aoki sort of thing to do. I mean, it’s in ID: Invaded as well…

Waver 2

*new blonde girl appears* - So this is the rumoured Animusphere girl (Mary), huh?

Bounded field, huh? I’m glad I chose to watch F/Z before this, then. Now I actually understand the (rough) mechanics of how that works.

There’s assassins and then there’s Assassins…*thinks about the Holy Grail War*

As it turns out, astromancy is basically astrology.

The one thing that bugs me about “Modern Magecraft” (there’s a similar concept of New Magic in Mairimashita! Iruma-kun) is…how is the magic “modern”…? Especially in a work like this, where the magic is based in arcane rituals and bloodlines…you really need to establish how the “modern” bit works.

Gray is facing away from the Animusphere girl (Mary), I noticed.

“When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” – Sherlock Holmes – Basically, the fact I’ve memorised this quote is one of the lingering impacts of my time in the Detective Conan fandom, as it can be used on things like quizzes, not just mysteries.

Can we please use proper English, Waver??? (Says me to a character whose name I still find nonsensical enough to not be proper English.) As I said previously, “whydunit” is modus operandi or motive…the new bit is “howdunit”, which would be the method.

I do believe the geocentric model was overthrown by people like Kepler.

Gray kind of looks like Saber with that hairstyle, come to think of it.

With the way Gray hides herself under that hood, it’s no mystery as to why guys love her…at least, I know ThatRandomEditor does. Of course, I’m heavily neutral on the whole affair because I don’t swing that way, but…you know…

LEMPC seems to stand for “Lord El-Melloi Production Committee”, if I’m guessing right.

I seem to remember there was a quote somewhere that said the only constant in this world was change…hmm.

Waver 3

They seem to keep calling Japan “the Far East” (or at least, Japan is part of the Far East). That’s a pretty antiquated term for a supposedly “modern” magic anime. I get vaguely peeved by the term “the Far East” because it causes people to take an oriental viewpoint on things and thus it’s kind of like people from the Anglosphere looking down on Asians. (I also get vaguely peeved by the term “Westerners” for much the same reason and “Caucasians” because it implies all people of the Anglosphere come from the Caucasus, which is false…then again, these niggles are specific to international studies, so I have a vested interest in explaining them.)

…Wow, that star-eyepatch girl is…really something, to be thirsty specifically for Waver’s Iron Claw. (Then again, with my weird tastes in things, who am I to critique her?)

Flitz von Erich. I was surprised to learn this guy actually exists…on Wikipedia, at the very least.

“Any lady should know about wrestling.” – I disagree, Luvia.

Blue furry electrical creature…I dunno how the zoology in this show works, but the fantasy series I’m reading as of the time I was typing this comment has a blue creature called a Raiju (literally “thunder beast” in Japanese, so it would suit the “Thunder” in the episode title). If it’s anything like that, I’d laugh myself silly.

This girl on the poster seems to be called Flan Noir (or something similar).

“…yellow, round, fluffy-smelling…” – What? Svin, you have no right to call a girl those words!

When is this series set if people don’t have phones as a standard? *Googles* Okay, if F/SN is set in 2004, then F/Z is 1994. That would make sense, actually. The internet as we know it was first used in 1995 and didn’t become widespread for home use until a few years later, as I remember having computers in 2004 (albeit the blocky ones with the dial-up).

I was looking at images for the source material and I think I know why I like Waver (aside from the fact he has long hair). Normally I like the boys whose appearances are hard to get right, such as En…Waver in the novels and manga for this series sometimes looks grumpy, sometimes he looks constipated and worst of all, sometimes he looks like Snape with a hook nose.

Okay, so I googled Caules to figure out who his sister was…and I got Apocrypha spoilers. See, his sister is Fiore, who is apparently in that series.

The videos got encoded funny again…

There seems to be a mystery around why Svin and Gray can’t be together…well, one deeper than just “Svin is gaga for Gray [for reasons we don’t know at this point in time]”.

Ha, the El-Melloi Class is basically just the Misfit Class from Mairimashita! Iruma-kun.

“Only the flesh was bitten off.”  

This Jupiter gibberish, I assume, is drawing upon the mythology of Jupiter – that is, Zeus – as the god of thunder and king of the gods (thus presiding over living beings).

The English is good on the bill, bar a space between “Mystics of magecraft”.

Norwich is apparently a “faculty” which the Modern Magecraft Theories guys – i.e. Waver – rule over.

Can you imagine Waver swearing? Since I had the volume off, I basically made him say “…if Sir Gueldoa had resorted to brute force, we would’ve been f***ed” in my head…and that was hilarious.

Aw, thanks 7Mononoke. “A cowardly thief sneaks away in the night. If you stride away, bursting with song, you are a conquering king.” That’s a quote from Rider himself.

So the Association has set positions for Masters in the War? Geesh…that must be hard on Waver to find out they’re closed, considering how much Waver pines for Rider.

Waver 4

I finally got the chance to listen to the ED last ep and now it’s the OP I can hear properly. This OP isn’t particularly impressive, considering it’s an instrumental (instrumentals always seem to have less impact for me unless I’m looking for something to chill to), but it does capture the London-esque spirit of the setting very well.

What’s up with this metal (?) maid off to the side, anyway?

“Good thinking to leave the door open…” – For some reason, even though it’s a completely different and much more benign context, this made me think of KyoAni and my heart sunk.  

Atrum Galliasta…I hate that man. He may look hot, but he was nothing but a b*stard to Medea.

Bolo ties…nrgh…Basically, ever since Arima wore a bolo tie, I’ve become fairly bugged by them. That’s why Bram’s bugs me.

Aw, Waver, buddy, plase don’t sacrifice yourself again. I read on the wiki you become a Servant’s vessel (specifically for Zhu Ge Liang), so keep your hopes up.

I’m seriously feeling ID: Invaded vibes from this episode, what with the lightning.

I suspect a locked room murder is going to happen soon, knowing the genre. Either that or some other crime.

Considering Fate/ was an eroge-based thing initially, these sex jokes…there’s probably plenty of them out there.

Well, it seems this series only makes sense in that non-Detective Conan way, i.e. you want to know how it all comes together and can’t necessarily figure it out for yourself until you know how the magic works. I’m randomly going to guess this is more Jupiter-based stuff and call it a day on that front.

Seriously, I never got what was up with nightgowns (or just pyjamas in general) having hats. You don’t need protection for your head at night…that’s what pillows are for, yeah? (The only reason I see a hat-like thing working with nightwear is a onesie and that’s meant to be part of the inherent appeal of the thing.)

Waver 5

I feel like Adashino is meant to be an Irene Adler-type figure…

“Peaceful Fairys” (sic)

Where did Kairi’s scar come from…?

The Black Dog was in Mahoutsukai no Yome as well, but this one looks a lot less inviting, huh?

It seems, like the name Rail Zeppelin implies (as “Demon Eyes Collection Train”), most of the people involved in this case have Magic Eyes (or whatever they’re actually called). I wouldn’t be surprised if Kairi had them as well, considering he’s wearing dark glasses in the middle of a thunderstorm.

“King Arthur is a dude, right?” - *laughs madly* They finally managed to parody their own bulls***! (Well, I’m not counting Carnival Phantasm or whatever else because this is the first time they threw a meta joke in there in the whole of this project, as far as I can remember.)  

Trimmau seems to be the maid’s name…huh. They never mentioned that earlier, I don’t think.

So what’s the difference between Fairy Eyes and Mystic Eyes?

Wait, does that even work…? The entire house is the murder weapon? That’s basically breaking the “secret passageway” thing on a larger scale.

So what’s Trevor’s motive…?

The dogs running towards the Workshop reminded me of the Hunger Games for some reason…must be the climax.

That fairy isn’t emoting much…

Oh cra-Wills is going to sacrifice himself, like Adashino was going to do! That’s the second time I’ve seen that in 2 days (the first was in the Hypnosis Mic manga about the Dirty Dawg).

Uh…Waver’s not particularly fit or fast, is he…?

Can you be paid for your case if your client is essentially dead…?

Adra? I read around and Adra seems to be a way to spell the location (or whatever it is) in the first case…which got adapted into a stage play, but not an anime. That’s probably what he’s (Waver) referring to.

Notably, the title is translated to “lance” but yari means spear…

Waver 6

I seriously wanna slap that pink-haired girl…Update: Her name is Yvette.

This is basically Gray fanservice…

If Gray = Saber and Saber =King Arthur…hmm…does it count as a girl’s party?

Homeland? Since Britain is Saber’s (aka Gray’s) home country, I think they meant “hometown”…I’d hav to listen to the Japanese to make sure, though.

I still think Waver is a stupid, or at the very least false, name for a boy, especially if he did come from Britain. That’s basically my one limitation on him as a husbando.

The red bit of the eyecatch was shapd like an eye…it did catch eyes in a sense, after all.

So Trimmau is sustained by magic.

Locked-room…or rather, bounded field…mystery time!

Luvia did mention wrestling in another episode…

I had to google that, but the Separation Castle is from the Adra case mentioned in episode 5. No wonder I don’t remember it…

“Are you suggesting there were faults…” (from Luvia) - Ooh, I was thinking the perpetrator was caught inside their own bounded field or maybe it was an outsider, but that works too, Reines.

Add calld Luvia out for her extravagance, LOL.

Catch-as-catch-can appears to be “no-holds-barred fighting”, particularly wrestling.

That case was both informative and possibly solveable by the audience. Both good qualities for a mystery.

If you summon the spirit again, is it the same Rider with the same memories? Or can you summon a different version of the same Rider with amnesia, much like Rin did with Archer? Update: Oh yeah, I did read this on the wiki at one point but then forgot about it. The next episode (7) confirms that Rider wouldn’t remember Waver if he were summoned again.

Waver 7

…C’mon, admit it, show. The glasses are not only there for plot reasons but to up Waver’s status as megane boy for the rest of this case. Not that I mind – I actually really like megane boys, but I’m nowhere near the love of Meganebu – but in the case of plausibility, I wanna poke holes into it.

Auction for which Mystic Eyes now…?

There’s a guy…with an elephant head…I know I shouldn’t be bugged by it, but I need the MST3K mantra right now.

This is gonna be a Murder on the Orient Express thing, isn’t it? All cases set on trains seem to take cues or make homage to it. (I may not be that proficient on Christie in comparison to Holmes, since Holmes was Conan’s inspiration, but Murder on the Orient Express I have read and I did secure an anthology of 4 Christie novels at one point specifically so that I could improve in this area.)

The main series never explained the bad blood between the Church and the Tower, did they…?

*sweatdrop* Let me guess…when Yvette mentions “multiplay”, she means a threesome, right?

How do anime people see out of those blindfold thing, anyway??? (Or is it that Leandra has Mystic Eyes that were sold off or otherwise tampered with?)

I believe the word is “palate”, Kairi (or subbers).

Anime characters being bagworms with their blankets is always appealing, no matter the gender. It’s funny and/or relatable, after all.

Does Gray get motion sickness…? Update: Seems I spoke about a minute too soon. She does.

Waver 8

How does Waver know that Adashino got the documents about the train? Is it because she was in all those places at all those times and he connected the dots?

This lady has heterochromia. Specifically, one is brown and the other is blue or green.

Hmm? I thought the character design was familiar for this. As it turns out, Jun Nakai (who did the character design for this) also did Gate’s, which explains it.

Dionysus is the Greek god of wine, IIRC. Hephaestion is, as (s)he explained, the confidante of Alexander the Great (had to google this one).

It’s hard to see before the brightly-lit scene where Olga reappears, but as shown, Waver seems to have cut off part of his forelocks on the left side.

What’s an Odo???...ooh, fanservice…*ogles*

The summoning of Hephaestion and Trisha’s murder may or may not be related…we just don’t know how, yet.

I think a Detective Conan Murder on the Orient Express-style mystery would be a good video ga-*googles* There’s at least one of them out there already (albeit only in Japan)...namely, this one. Spoke too soon.

Oh yeah…this is Olga’s new room, isn’t it? I almost forgot about that.

Update: I think this look at the Adra Separation Castle case is interesting. It’s similar to posts I would write, but done by a professional – namely Richard Eisenbeis of Kotaku and Anime News Network.

Waver 9

So if there’s a Servant…you have to find the Master.

Olga reminds me of Reines…kind of.

LOL, whoever thought of a zombie cooking show…?

This series really goes all-in on the zombies and the fake-outs thereof, huh? Dangit, Melvin, don’t scare us.

Melvin has a really odd relationship with Waver, huh? If you’re really insisting you’re “the only person to ever be able to hurt Waver”, I don’t quite see how you guys can be friends in the normal sense of the word.

Why would someone have a violin at a time like this…?

Interestingly, they don’t bother to do any fanservice of Caules. That scene with Gray and Yvette was fanservice for those who like them, but the only guy who’s getting to do any fanservice in this series is Waver himself…(what with him being naked and knocked out right now.)

“Sibyl” seems to be a synonym for “virgin”…(*whispers “Awkward…”*)

Update: After reading some of Marth’s posts on this series, I’m inclined to call this “Murders on a Train (with an Exploding Helicopter for Good Measure)”.

Waver 10

For some reason, there’s episode 0 – 9, then 11 – 13 on the service I’m using. Where’s 10?

I think Waver’s relationship with Rider is interesting because of the way I think of relationships myself. Waver has made it clear that he wants to see Rider again so he can basically prostrate at his feet all over again (and maybe win a wish and/or see Oceanus while they’re at it), but – hey, hear this! - I used to believe, when I was still an impressionable kid, all relationships, whether they be between friends, family or even lovers, lasted roughly in the same state basically forever (as in, friends stay friends forever, they’ll never be so far apart that they can’t kep their relationship alive etc. etc.)…Obviously, I was wrong and arguably, this change in thinking, plus the related changes in technology, are where my ability to fleetingly but passionate love both 2D boys and the series they come from comes from.

Wait, so the Child of Einasshe (sp?) is the forest, yeah? I don’t think I got that 100% straight.

I never thought the shield form of a Mystic Code could be used for snowboarding down a mountain/hill…whatever Gray just went down. I didn’t even know Add had a shield form, for that matter.

“[U]sual individual” – LOL. What a way to refer to Waver.

“Wait a minute!” – I’m just imagining Phoenix Wright all of a sudden. A Waver legal mystery series would be boring as all get out – I’m far less interested in the courtroom versions of mysteries and more interested in how the pieces fit together. (Update: Then again, I am a person who likes the action genre and courtroom mysteries don’t have much of that, which might also explain my choice.)

“…lacking the element of motive to begin with.” – Well, Waver’s not wrong…

I’m observing this apple and noticing someone skimped on the detail around the stem. Does anyone still remember Art Academy for the DS? After looking at some promo material for it, I basically learnt how to draw a proper apple (and nothing else, really). If an apple is just drawn as a circle, it doesn’t quite look like an apple up close. (Two of the main things I screw up on when drawing are perception and the colour of highlights, both of which are covered in something like an apple stem and the related indent.)

Oh goodness…I was hoping Karabo would keep his vision (or actual eyeballs)…but that’s gruesome.

I’m guessing, based on the wheelchair, that Waver’s still paralysed or otherwise not able to move around like normal. Update: Spoke too soon.

Someone encoded the video funny again…

Waver 11

What was that crossword thing…? A warding spell of some sort?

Is that an owl in the back?!

Stealth fighter…Rider wanted on, didn’t he?

Every time he appears on screen now, I basically curse Melvin. He’s entertaining to watch, sure, but he’s annoyingly prodigal (= wasteful). He’s basically Dice from HypMic at this stage (aka he’s the sort of person who’d bet away his own clothes, given the chance and incentive).

Look at the way Waver’s hair drags behind him as he walks…it’s gorgeous…

“Residual Image” (as translated in the title) is literally “the left-over image” (zanzou). Not surprising, but I find the exact combo of characters used interesting since it could be short for “nokoru eizou” (where the nokoru’s character is read as zan in the combo, as you can guess).    

Waver 12

Wow…this series really pulled something out of its butt this time, huh? “The guy without a heart”…no viewer would’ve known that actually referred to a character called Dr Heartless unless they knew of his existence somehow (the closest they would’ve been was having an inkling that this pointed to a name of the culprit).

There is an owl in the back of the auction room!

Ay? So what the heck is Pandemonium in this case?

“dotard” – Turns out this means “an old person, especially one who has become physically weak or whose mental faculties have declined.” You can’t say I don’t enrich my vocbulary through watching anime, huh?

I’m still wondering…why adapt case 7 of this series (Rail Zeppelin)? Why not case 1 (Adra)? Update: I don’t know where I pulled the number 7 from, since this is volume 4 – 5 of the series. Apparently some of the cases were anime-original though.

Waver 13 (FINAL)

Oh, Flat, you stupid…

Waver’s exasperated faces are great. No wonder Reines likes to toy with him…

I can assume Rail Zeppelin is a Ghost Liner, yes?

Can I guess that Adashino ~likes~ Waver…? Update: Turns out that’s not quite the case.

Ooh, Waver without his shirt is se-okay, I’m getting distracted. Seriously though, Waver never showed his Crest in F/Z. I never even knew what it looked like until now! The fact it’s such a simple design in comparison to his Command Seals is…kinda underwhelming, really.

I think there’s a bit of a pattern between Jakurai (from HypMic) and Waver…namely, they suck when it comes to drinking. (Also, of course, the long hair. Don’t forget it, never forget it.)

Shut up, Add!

For some reason, I felt like a lot of that last part, while getting closure for Waver, it almost had connotations of “I’ll meet you on the other side, Rider”…so it felt kind of sad, to be honest. That talk between Reines and Olga I don’t think I’d understand without Apocrypha and Grand Order, but I guess that’s to be expected in such a huge franchise. Anyways, moving right along!

Illya 1

I’ve been a bit worried about what I’ll have to subject myself to for the sake of Magical Girls…

Was that…Taiga?

Who’s Liz…?

Okusama, huh? (Okusama = someone’s wife, although it seems to be used in the plural here since I don’t think Kiritsugu and/or Iri are dead in this timeline.)

The subs I’ve got say Shiro is adopted here too (when it’s not in the Japanese), although I wonder exactly how much of UBW is going to be true in this anime…

Hmm…a bit of digging reveals Luvia’s not a Master. So throwing out Lancer is really just a joke on how Lancer gets roasted early on in Grail Wars, right?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh…squick, much…(Thank goodness the source I was using edited out the loli fanservice, so I can tolerate this series a lot more…but still, suggesting you have a romance with your step-brother, even if it’s known you’re not related from the beginning, is…you already know my feelings on that, based on my reaction. Shiro is, what, 15? About twice Illya’s age!) Update: Okay, so he has no confirmed age in Prisma Illya, but he’s 17 in F/SN so I’d assum the same or similar, seeing as he attends the same school. It’s fine if it’s platonic, but this is clearly an Onii-chan, daisuki! thing the likes of which Oreimo throws down! Thank you for calling it out though, Ruby.

Oh my gosh, this looks like the Rhongomynaid (Detective Waver) and Excalibur (or whatever Saber’s Noble Phantasm is called) summoning beam! LOL!

Ruby, you lech! Don’t go praising the angles! *shakes fist* (Seriously, what if magical girl mascots were paedophiles…? *blank face* Welp, considering what’s out there on the internet, I wouldn’t be surprised if a hentai or something had such a concept.)

Hmm? Turns out the word for Servant means something like “celestial hero”. Makes sense.

Nice callback to Saber and Shiro!

Illya 2

I thought Illya would say that her parents are dead…turns out the show’s not that grimdark (to the point where it wouldn’t set the show after Kiritsugu and Iri’s deaths), huh?

Do the sticks have a gender? The subs said “she” for Ruby…

LOL, it’s Rider. I thought Lancer was gonna get his butt kicked all over again (thinking more along the lines of CCS).

It’s Gay Bul-I mean, Gae Bolg! (I’ve been reading TV Tropes again…can you tell?)

This episode was pretty pedestrian. I like it more than the first one.

What’s up with the CGI…?

Oh! Bunbun, who does Yuki Yuna! Update: They only did the illustrations for some of the series. They also did SAO illustrations, although that’s of less significance to me.

Illya 3

The sticks do have genders!!! That’s like claiming Jesus for kakera with Mudae! (Yes, that’s possible. I got him in one server.)

The power of fujoshi…is amazing! How did it get to a girl who’s so young?!

These angles are a bit disturbing…

“Casao”, LOL.

Magical girl nakama, huh?

Illya 4

MST3K mantra!

Whose quote is that again…? “Don’t think, imagine”? Update: It turns out to not be anyone’s quote at all, if Google results are to be believed.

Uh-oh! Saber Alter!

Illya 5

Padding the episode already…?

The mist is a quality of a Berserker, right?

Geez the angles piss me off…

These sticks have brains???

Can you call it teamwork if they’re always complaining about each other?

Illya 6

More padding…

Illya’s UBW!

Geesh, that last-minute shot of Rin and Luvia popping out of the ground scared me for a bit…

Illya 7

*sigh* It’s the sick episode…

I recognise the vacuum cleaner. I have the same one at home.

*sigh* Random fanservice of elementary school girls. This is what gives anime a bad name.

*Sapphire pulls out a USB port* - Ohhkay, is that stick fanservice, in a sense…? Because that’s awkward too.

Maids went out of fashion years ago…

“Lyrical Radical Genocide” - I think this Lyrical Radical things is parodying Nanoha.

Based on the cloak, it’s an Assassin.

“Listen, if you aren’t careful, you’ll die!” – Yep, because people die when they are killed. I almost missed that meme for a bit.

Illya 8

Illya’s still reeling from Miyu’s talk, huh?

I noticed it said tomoda(chi) in the background at one point.

Does Miyu exist in any of the alternate universes?

Ah, there’s yuujou (friendship) in the background as calligraphy.

I think the video got encoded funny again…

Geez, complaining about boobs? The series got worse…oh, I forgot Shiro was around in this series.

…who’s left? There’s been Saber, Archer, Lancer, Assassin, Rider, Caster and…who? Berserker, that’s who.

Illya 9

Ohhhhhhhh brother, not more bath scenes…

Iri looks almost exactly like she does in the Eiznbern Consultation Rooms! (I found those around and watched them today.)

Thank goodness the fanservice is censored…

I never realised Berseker had heterochromia until now…

One thing that I assume makes Saber’s outfit look nice to thos that like girls is the window in the top…but it goes to waste on Miyu, LOL.

I find it interesting Illya has all these concerns – the ones (or similar ones) Iri harbourd in F/Z.

Hey, the bridge! This is the bridge where Rider dies inn F/Z, yeah?

The ED looks different this time…  

Illya 10 (FINAL)

E-Eep…loli fanservice…

Now Miyu is basically what Waver is to Rider, no doubt about it.

Bulls***! Speak of the devil! I was wondering what Waver looked like in the Illya style, because I read on the wiki he makes a cameo in season 2, and…here he is. Didn’t expect him in season 1, though.

Another new ED animation. I find it interesting they’ve never once had to recast any VAs throughout the entire existence of Fate/ anime…not that I know of, anyway.

Hiroyama Hiroshi is the original Illya creator.

Okay, that’s the end of one season. I feel kind of fatigued since I finished the Eiznbern Consultation Rooms today as well, so I’m going to take a break from watching more Illya until it’s necessary to watch again in a few posts’ time.

Now that they’ve collected the cards, I’m wondering what the series intends to do next…

Illya s2 Pt 1 Ep 1

They clearly skimped on the budget when Shiro was leaving the house…

I keep forgetting Illya is meant to be German…

That bad English…is actually there in the ep. title…

Oh great…schoolgirls talking about erotic swimsuits…

This s*** is what you call “Class-S”! I have no interest in it, because I don’t swing that way! (Sorry, yuri fans…)

The problem with series that aren’t 100% made with you in mind is that your favourite characters might look ugly…that’s especially the case with En, Jakurai and Waver.

Ryudou Temple, eh? Let’s hope Assassin still looks good.

I don’t think I’ve seen that before…namely, being able to hear what’s going on outside the transformation while it’s happening.

Now this 2 Illyas thing…this is new, alright.

Illya s2 Pt 1 Ep 2

LOL, what a horoscope.

Truck-kun! I don’t think Illya would make a good isekai protag, come to think of it.

Who is this nurse? I feel like she’s from some other part of the Nasuverse… Update: My guess was right. That’s Caren Hortensia, protagonist of Fate/hollow ataraxia and Kirei’s…uh, daughter. I know he had a wife. We never met said wife, but seeing the daughter really drove that fact home.  

Uhhhhhhhh…okay, now the lesbian loli scene just made things go off a cliff for me. I’m not against lesbians or yuri – to each their own – but that scene was clearly meant to be pleasing to a certain audience.

How does anyone kill anything gently…?

Ohhhhhhkay, strike 2 for loli fanservice.

I seem to remember…that’s right, Alice from the [something] no Kuni no Alice series was evaluated on her coffee-making skills (by Julius, I think it was). That’s why I’m thinking of Alice when I see Luvia praising Miyu on something similar.

Wa-hey! It’s Rin’s Azoth dagger!

Well, the mechanics of the transformation are also something you have to think about. I’ll give the show kudos for that.  

Illya s2 Pt 1 Ep 3

Can we not with the whole “Onii-chan, daisuki!” thing?! That’s it! That’s the last straw! I’m finishing this episode and aborting early so that I can preserve my dignity…and get some proper sleep for once.

The fact Miyu thinks Shiro resembles her brother must not be a coincidence…(I’ve become far too Fate/ savvy, haven’t I?) Update: It seems I was right. Apparently, Miyu was taken in by Kiritsugu in a certain universe, but apparently this is a bunch of spoilers.

Genki na aisatsu was in the back.

This is just getting worse and worse…

So now Kuro’s name is Kuroe (Chloe), huh? Anyways, good riddance, loli fanservice! So long! I won’t miss you one bit!

[thechocoboos]

last one I promise: ffxv but in space?... OK I'll admit I'm starting to run out of ideas. have a nice day and good luck with school!

holy fuck i went way more crazy with this than I planned. so have fun. Keep in mind, y’all, this is a space au–things are defo different than the actual plot. also: happy ending

FFXV IN SPACE HC

The Regalia is a small prototype ship made for small trips to and from space stations and moons

Noctis’ father is the leader of a massive space colony circling a dimming blue star

Their space colony is running out of resources and energy as a result of a longstanding war with The Empire, a corporation that grew too powerful back when space travel became big and now aims to take control of every colony, resource, and inhabitable planet in the galaxy

so Regis sends Noctis and Co out on an expedition to build alliances and find potential resources that the Empire had overlooked

Noctis is a drifter who doesn’t want to take over his dad’s colony

Gladio is a soldier, a bodyguard in training for the leaders of the space colony. His family has always worked closely with the colony’s founders, so he was raised to follow in the footsteps of his ancestors and to protect Noct

Prompto is a lower level settler of their space colony

He ran into Noctis during their school days and latched himself to Noct like a leach (Noct never minded and even grew to like Prom)

Ignis is still an advisor, albeit a SPACE ADVISOR

He is well versed in most, if not all, of the known alien languages and settlements (he spent so much of his schooling learning languages that he dreams about learning them–granted they’ve become more of nightmares by this point)

He guides Noctis on their mission to find resources and build alliances, giving advice such as “Do not try to navigate that asteroid belt” and “stay far from the Black Hole of Ostenbar��many civilizations were lost there”

Granted that advice is always ignored, but hey, it’s the thought that counts!

One day on their expedition, he mentions rumors of a ship called The Oracle–a ship that opposes the Empire

Supposedly, it started out as a simple rescue ship that grew bigger and bigger and soon became a massive self sustaining ship that travels around the galaxy helping those in need

Noct and Co. realize that it may be their first step towards building alliances and aim to find The Oracle–it’s their first tangible mission

The Oracle, if you hadn’t already guessed, is run by Luna

She and her brother, Ravus, inherited it from their family

The Oracle had many run ins with the Empire as a result of its good deeds, and Ravus grew tired of the pain inflicted on both his people and his inheritance due to those assholes

He knew he could never deal with the Empire directly, especially while handling The Oracle, so he left the ship in the hands of Luna and ran off

He fell in with a group of good-natured space pirates and now raids the Empire’s smaller ships with his small, growing fleet and gives the resources he obtains from them to those who need it–kind of like a robinhood of sorts

(I’m expecting some SpacePirate!Ravus spin offs in the future–i’ll even take the transcript of pirates of the caribbean except with ravus and in space)

anyways

Ardyn is a strange deity who was once worshiped on a more primitive, jungle based planet

His planet is hot, humid, and full of bright, colorful creatures. Some of them are poisonous and deadly, and others are docile and harmless

His people made beautiful buildings of stone with carved designs and everything they made was otherworldly and beautiful, there wasn’t a single item of theirs that wasn’t art in one way or another

They made the most beautiful songs and their language was magnificent and elegant; it was as though their voices were woven from the stars

Keywords? Made. Was.

The Empire found him one day and found his immense power very beneficial

They captured him and his worshippers, turning the worshippers into slaves and science experiments while they used torture and abuse to control Ardyn before turning him into the High Commander or the Empire

They brainwashed him into thinking it was Regis’ colony that had done him wrong, and he has it out for Insomnia Space Colony ever since

It takes a metric fuckton of cycles for Noct and co to finally find The Oracle, who is very willing to join the Insomnia Space Colony cause (my god is that a mouthful or what)

Sidenote: Cor is pretty high up on commanders from Noct’s colony, so he was out conducting business with other settlers at the far end of the galaxy

After the destruction of Insomnia Space Colony, he managed to get hold of Noct on The Oracle and relay the news

It leaves Noctis and the others crushed

They end up lost for a little bit, uncertain what their goal should be from then on

One day, however, The Oracle receives an SOS call from that same dimming star that Noct’s colony had orbited

The Oracle takes them there, and they find many, many survivors

The Oracle takes those survivors on board without a single word, and as Noctis sees the remnants of his people’s suffering at the hands of The Empire, he swears to bring an end to those fuckers as long as he lives (cue his new reason for living)

ANyways

Noct and co.’s favorite pit stop is a small colony on an asteroid called Crash Comet

It’s run by Cid, an old alien friend of Regis’ and his granddaughter

It’s the nicest gas station, diner, and mechanic outside of their solar system

They visit it regularly, especially after Noct learns how to fly the Regalia (he can’t avoid those asteroid belts even when he tries)

Gladio once asked why Prompto was with them on their expedition bc he genuinely had no idea why the kid was there

Gladdy was there for protection, Ignis was their walking, talking adviceman, and Prom? He had no idea

Prom lowkey didn’t know either, but he just held up his old lil camera and said some BS about being their historian

In reality, Noct really just brought him bc he didn’t want to be stuck in a tiny spaceship with Ignis and Gladdy alone, besides, he knew that Prompto always wanted to see the galaxy outside of their colony

They have many run-ins with Ardyn and The Empire–it always ends in a massive chase scene through the stars, a disappearance in a hectic asteroid belt, and another trip to Crash Comet

Noct, Iggs, Gladdy, and Prom have a blast on their space adventures

At least, up until their colony is destroyed

Still, they meet aliens from all walks of life and eat strange alien food at strange alien gas stations on the edge of the galaxy and make friends everywhere

They make alliances as they go, building up their own army of settlers, colonists, space pirates, and aliens alike to rise up against the Empire, with The Oracle heading their fleet

Prompto takes so many pictures that he ends up with a massive database of things ranging from aliens, planets, stars, flora, fauna, selfies, weird poisonous glowing bacteria–you name it, he’s got it (after their adventures he actually finds scientists and alienologists asking him for his pictures for research and references; our boi makes bank on his pics!)

Ignis tries every single different cultured cuisine he can get his grubby lil gloved paws on and he will eat ALL OF IT. he has been poisoned by the clashing chemical makeup on more than one occasion (but he still won’t stop)

Noctis hates trying new culture foods, like he goes for some of it but if Ignis tries to feed him one more Glockinshnid’esiria throat casserole, he’s going to vomit

Gladio towers over a lot of alien species they meet, but he also looks like a penny next to some of them (he lowkey feels insecure about it)

Gladdy likes to trade work out regimens with some aliens

He once tried working out with the very gruff, muscled Kleeverprongs, a species known to eat the muscles of their dead to become stronger and who begin weightlifting at 3 months old (he threw his back out and couldn’t walk for a week)

Prompto tries to steal small alien pets but Ignis threatens to throw him out the back of their cruiser if he so much as looks at one more Puffelzingor.

He once hid a small mouse like rodent in his shirt for three weeks, but it escaped and ate through one of Ignis’ prized pots (it’s one of the more expensive ones that can handle stardust and the harshest of acids)

Ignis hasn’t forgiven him yet. And he probably never will.

Sometimes Noct and Co. cross paths with Ravus

Ravus usually screams about them being the ones who got his sister tied in even further with the bloody empire and being the biggest thorn in his ass

There was one time where Ravus was thought to be dead in the middle of space, and none other than Noct and Co. rescued him (he had lost an arm and been abandoned by accident. Space pirates aren’t very bright sometimes)

He was less aggressive towards them afterwards, especially because he was stuck with them for about 2 and a half cycles (roughly 3.67 months) because the nearest welcoming outpost was at least a good hundred stars away

ANyways plot stuff:

So, throughout their journeys and travels, Noct and Co. slowly learn about some of the Empires more hidden histories and ties with differing colonies

They learn more about Ardyn, how he was essentially a tool used by the empire

THey actually travel back to the planet that Ardyn had been worshiped on and end up learning even more

At first, they thought he had just been a leader of some strange planet, but when discovering he was essentially a god? Oh boi, they were faced with a big moral dilemma

Noctis still wants to bring down the Empire, but now, he also wants to help Ardyn and Ardyn’s people

Gladdy is against it, of course, saying that Ardyn had still done terrible things and was still a terrible person who should pay for his actions

Noct mostly disagrees. He thinks Ardyn needs to pay to a certain degree, but to him, it was more important that they at least try to free his people and attempt to get the truth out there

He argues that it really wasn’t all Ardyn’s fault, that he was nothing more than a pawn who had been manipulated and lied to for nothing but selfish reasons

He doesn’t want to help Ardyn, necessarily, but he does want to make things right

It was truly at this point that his friends began seeing the leader that Noct truly is

Noctis and Co. were never really able to convince Ardyn as much as they tried; he was past the point of simply believing things

Still, he made a deal. A snarky deal with a smirk and teasing tone to his voice, but the look in his eye had been enough to give them hope

He told them, that if they were able to find his people and set them free, he just might be willing to strike up some sort of deal that would work out for both of them

Cue montage

The space bros go through hell and back trying to find out what happened to most of the worshippers

They break through and destroy so many Empire outposts and institutes that they probably single handedly cripple part of the Empire

Even so, with how hard they work to find out where the worshippers were, they had to ask for help

They asked both Ravus and Luna for help, as well as some of the more trusted allies they had made through their journey

In the end, they find that most of the worshippers had been killed. They manage to rescue those who had survived, and bring them to Luna’s ship for safety

They’re beaten and bruised with fearful eyes and they spend most of their time praying–it’s all they can do at this point

It’s heartbreaking, and it truly reminds Noctis and his friends that they weren’t the only ones who had lost their home

Luna and Noct both promise the worshippers that they would be brought back home when it was finally safe, but no one knows when that will be

The next time Noctis crosses paths with Ardyn, there is no snark in Ardyn’s voice–only the serious tone of a man who had lost everything

He demands that Noct bring him to his people, his voice harsh and sharp as he snaps. His eyes are furious and his stance is dangerous but Noct remains calm and tall, his eyes cool as he talks Ardyn down

Ardyn agrees to go with Noctis alone, he agrees to relinquish his weapons and trickery–all he wants is to see that his people are safe

The others aren’t happy, the air is tense in their cruiser as they return to The Oracle. Gladio silently fumes and Ignis is ready to pounce any second.

But Ardyn makes no moves. He waits, his heart still, his eyes sharp–he could be walking into a trap, and he knows it, but he doesn’t care, not if his people are there

Luna is respectful when Ardyn boards her ship. She doesn’t show any ill will despite what he has done–she knows he had been tricked, and she knows that all that really matters to him are his people. She respects that.

She leads him to the worshippers, and the second his eyes fall on them, he smiles–truly smiles

He feels relief, hope–glee

They look just as stunned as he is, their eyes wide and sparkling as they drop to the floor and bow

He only tells them to stand, speaking in an old, dead language that even Ignis doesn’t know

He asks them questions, touches their cheeks, their shoulders, their hands… He’s so gentle and careful, no one else can believe it

As they finish answering, he thanks them with a warm, soft voice, promising he’ll get them home safe–that they will all go home safely and that he’ll join them, that they will rebuild their beautiful civilization once again and no one will ever hurt them again

He turns and looks at Noctis, his eyes full of cold murder as his fury burns. He asks when they’ll launch their full attack–because he wants in. He quietly vows that he will bring down the empire–every last ship, even if it kills him.

It only takes a few more cycles for everything to be ready.

There are at least a thousand ships that come forward to help fight. Their alliances hold true to their words and promises and join The Oracle, bringing their own smaller allied ships and friends with them

Ravus brings at least 200 ships full of space pirates with a new, shiny arm at his shoulder

Noctis contacts older allies that his dad had made, as well as the hundreds of new ones he’s made through his travels–and those allies bring their own, as well

Luna has age old promises that are being fulfilled, her oldest contacts coming forward from the deep recesses of space to help fight the Empire

Even Ardyn pulls some strings, pulling a few of the Empire’s allies over to their side–after all, many of them had been loyal to Ardyn alone, in the end

With the Empire spread over so much of space, it isn’t a clean, straightforward war (then again, most aren’t)

The war lasts 81.7 cycles–nearly ten years. Strategies are stretched, lives are lost, people were worn down, but Noctis never wavers

In the end, the Empire crumbles–losing far too many of its ships and colonies, especially as the civilizations it took over rebel and fight back.

Eventually, there is only the head colony left–and Noctis’ side easily corners it.

Noctis isn’t alone when he approached the leader of the Empire. Ardyn goes with him, his losses just as valid as Noctis’

The leader begs. He cries, yells in desperation, falls to his knees and simply weeps–asking for Noctis to have mercy.

Noctis is cold as he responds, simply staring down the old man. He’s gotten what he wants–the Empire’s downfall. Yes, the leader needs to pay for his crimes, but he doesn’t care much for the logistics of that–so deciding punishment falls to Ardyn.

The details don’t matter too much–the Empire fell, Noctis was able to rebuild his colony around a new star, The Oracle was free to help the civilizations that had been under the Empire’s control, Ravus and his space pirates became the police of sorts–protecting people from unsavory sorts in space, and Ardyn was able to return to his home with the remainder of his people

Space was free again, its planets and civilizations free to return to run their lives as they pleased

Edit: Things I forgot to mention™

Arenaea is space’s local lesbian space pirate whose fleet was actually hired by Ardyn somewhere down the line

She was actually notorious and was a big rival of Ravus (they crossed paths on more than one occasion)

She’s lost a couple digits and a foot, as well as an eye in her pursuits but replaced them all with cybernetic implants (her eye can actually see in infrared, very handy in space)

Her cyborg foot has a built in high heel

She’s one of the most dangerous enemies and one of the best allies to have

No one crosses her and lives to tell the tale (unless she wants them to)

Insanely good strategist and is one of the best allies Noct has in the war

You can hear her loudly walking down the metal bridges of ships when hunting down mercenaries and criminals, her cybernetic foot and high heels clanging loudly (she likes to scare them--she could move quietly with no effort at all)

Anyways so weapons right

LASERS LASERS LASERS LASERSSSS

Ignis’ weapons are duel blades ofc, however, they’re HEAT DUEL BLADESSSS

With a click of his thumbs he's got some lasers shooting down the edge of his daggers and ready to burn the guts of his enemies as he stabs them (it’s pretty good at cauterizing wounds so his slices and jabs are well placed for instant death)

Gladio??? Yes, he still uses those massive as two handed swords. No one can rip that away from him

However

They, too, have laser capabilities

He keeps two laser pistols on either side of his belt for when they’re fighting in smaller quarters  

Y’all haven’t lived until you’ve gotten a mental image of sweaty gladio with burn wounds from laser rifles and holes in his tanktop shootin a couple of laser pistols with his beautiful manbun-ponytail thing and 10-year gap hair chillin out there, mouth turned down into a scowl as his sharp eyes aim

He also has a couple of electric cybernetic gloves that stun enemies with a single punch

Now. Noctis? Listen. He doesn’t use lasers--too much of a hassle

Our boi has a few cybernetic implants, kay?

Y’all ever played mass effect? His magic is basically like the biotics of mass effect

In other words, he still has magic, it’s just sci-fi magic!

His swords are made out of the sharpest metals one can find, and they glow because 1) I say so, and 2) they were forged from radioactive materials and stardust from the heat of a dying star because that’s how we do things in S P A C E

NOW PROMPTO

HOOO BOI MY LORD SO MANY LASERS

S O  M A N Y  L A S E R S

He’s got a laser rifle, he’s got a laser sniper, he’s got bullets that electrocute, bullets that explode, bullets that burn, grenades that stun, grenades that blow up, grenades that disintegrate only organic forms (helpful in space ships tbh)

He has a good trusty ole missile launcher type of weapon that launches concentrated laser ball missiles at shit

Also he’s far sighted.

Anyways; prom is always making modifications to his weapons (and gladio’s pistols) and is always the one to repair or alter the spacebro’s weaponry

He once smacked Noct for trying to fix a sword and somehow damaging its mechanics

Prom actually makes some serious cash fixing weapons at outposts and such, he also buys cheap weapons and bulks them up before selling them for like three times his buying price

He’s actually the most well-off out of them further down the line and he’s the one who brings in the credits throughout their journey because he’s the only one with some sort of income

Also i forgot to mention

Noct loses a leg in the war and gets a cheap prosthetic to tide him over until the end; then he gets a hella cool cyborg leg like Arenaea

Ignis does NOT go blind, however, he loses an eye in a fight with some space pirates who try to raid The Oracle and ends up with an eyepatch for a while

Later on, he gets his own cybernetic implant eye--it’s a lot like Arenaea’s actually

It glows red and the metal covers the area around his eye completely, reaching around towards the side of his head and disappearing beneath part of his hair

Ravus’ right hand pirate is an android

Gentiana is also an android

Cor punches Ardyn in the face the first time they meet during the war--yes, he does know that Ardyn is on their side, now

Cor was the one who found many of Ardyn’s worshippers and brought them to The Oracle

Also Cor is a cyborg

[thephantomofthe-internet]

Homeward Bound : Chapter 10

Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader, Billy Hargrove x Henderson!Reader

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13

Chapter Summary: It’s like the Breakfast Club! But lamer...

Word Count: 3,739

Warnings: Swearing, awkwardness, THE BABIES ARE HERE!!!

Author’s Note: Gotta keep up with Amanda, don’t I? 😉

Permanent Tag: @hotstuffhargrove @denimjacketkisses @hargrovesgoldilocks @lilmissperfectlyimperfect @hipsmcgee @thatchickvic

Series Tag: @baebee35 @moonstruckhargrove @kurt-nightcrawler @supernatural-pants @thoughstofaredhead @bby-becca @fear-the-reaper115 @estheflowergirl

You looked up with a grimace. Steve Harrington was standing over you in all his fluffy haired glory, being an absolute dick, as per usual.

“I highly disagree.” You snapped, pulling his arm off you “What the hell are you doing here anyway, what you got an APB out on me now?”

Steve’s demeanour deflated instantly, stepping back, hands finding their way into his front pockets, shoulders hunching slightly. “It’s the last day of school, somebody has to do the annual ‘threaten kids into not being assholes’ speech.” He explained.

“They still do that?” you asked, letting your guard down just for a second.

“Unfortunately, and apparently it’s a rite of passage to do the speech. Which means this year I got spit balls shot at me and paper balls lobed at my head by snot nose kids.” He replied.

“Oh the irony, you used to do that all through high school, especially when it was Callahan doing the talking.” Nancy said, knocking her shoulder into his. Steve smiled, pulling her into a tight hug.

“Hey, Steve.” She said softly into his shoulder. They both looked highly emotional, a strange sight for you. You remembered when she couldn’t stand being in a room with him and he was still just trying to prove that he wasn’t still in love with her, to no avail. And while that went away with time, they never seemed exactly close.

“I didn’t know you were coming in today, I thought it was tomorrow.” He replied, pushing her back slightly by the shoulders, looking her over “How’s Sybs?”

“Good, thank you again for the gift for her, you’re two months early, but she looks adorable in the bunny suit and it’s the only thing she’ll stay asleep in now.” Nancy replied with a smile.

“Good, I’m glad.” He replied. “Your mother must love the attention and the full house again, how’s she getting along with Jonathan? Or did he end up staying back?”

“Jonathan is visiting with his mom; he’ll come down with them later in the week.” She replied easily.

“They still hate each other?” you asked, popping a stick of white chewing gum into your mouth, grinning cheekily at her.

Steve rolled his eyes “You’re just gonna ask that like it isn’t rude, huh? He asked disappointedly “’Cause you know, it doesn’t really matter anymore. They’re married and Karen’s just gonna to deal. Besides, they can’t be that petty as to-”

“They absolutely hate each other. Jonathan wouldn’t come down with me to stay with her; he’s still trying to find a way to not have to stay with her when he gets here.” Nancy replied breezily with a shrug.

“Ha! I knew it!” you cried, grinning like a fool.

“You always gotta be right, Y/N?” Steve asked. You turned to look at him, ready to retort with sass and anger. But he wasn’t cocky or annoyed, he was trying to hold back a grin; his eyes shining with mirth. Nothing about him was confrontational and the need to fight back drained from your body.

“When you’re around, Harrington, I’m always right.” You replied, a small smirk slipping onto your lips. And looking at you, relaxed and bright and joking again, Steve felt his whole body warm and glow. He didn’t release how cold and uncomfortable he was until you smiled; your body language could change his whole disposition and your smile could light up a whole room.

“So wait what are we doing here? Just wandering? ‘Cause I have no one here I need to see, except Mike but I’m not gonna pull him out of class, you know?” Nancy asked.

“Well, I’m hiding from Hargrove. I can’t get caught by him without Dustin or else I’ll get dragged into his truck.” You replied.

“He’s following you around?” Steve asked, tone hostile and worrisome, his whole body lifting to appear more physically opposing.

“No more than you are.” You replied, watching him deflate like a popped balloon. “He just saw me outside the school and decided that he had the time to try to get me in his truck. Probably not something he should be doing while on the clock.”

“He’s definitely got the time, since he’s on probation.” he replied. You cocked your brow, utterly lost, expecting clarification. “Powell caught him driving around drunk a couple months ago, Mr. Sherman put him on probation since it was in the truck. Powell never booked him on it because, according to him, the lost wages should be more than enough punishment. He’s got another week of forced time off before he’s back in.” Steve explained.

Nancy furrowed her brow “Why not just fire him then?” she asked.

“We’re short on mechanics. Usually we get a couple kids from the trade school Milton, but they opened a new shop in Carmel and so we didn’t get many kids up here. Mr. Sherman’s short a man and without Billy, he’ll be down to just him and George Burns.” Steve replied.

You hummed “Billy didn’t mention that…” you said, not really to them but more to yourself.

Billy was never the most honest guy on the block, but he owned up to his fuck ups fairly quickly, usually without being pressed or even asked. He owned up to still not getting along with Max and Susan, his dislike still very apparent. He owned up to not going home in part because he was scared. Hell, he owned up to supposedly still being in love with you! But this, this almost expected thing was hidden from you. You wondered what else he was hiding.

“I don’t know, I mean its Hargrove, he’s not much of a talker.” Nancy said reasonably, smiling sympathetically at you.

“Besides, he probably didn’t want to be doing much talker. Or have the time, I should say.” Steve said, his tone forcefully light and more than a little bitter.

Nancy gasped “You told him?!?” she cried, earning an awkward chuckle from Steve and an eye roll from you.

“He picked me up this morning. I had to tell someone or else I would explode from shame, embarrassment, and the giddiness of a secret.” You replied.

“He picked you up?” Nancy asked “And you didn’t tell me?”

“What exactly is there to tell, Nance? He picked me up, we had breakfast, and then he drove me home. Not exactly rocket science.” You replied, watching her carefully.

“Right, right of course…” she said, nodding quickly, her mind obviously running through a million scenarios. “So…how’d it go? You have fun?” she asked, a little twitchy and excited, far too excited for the subject at hand.

“It was fine. Like I said nothing major, right Steve?” you said, making Nancy jump. She’d forgotten he was there. Steve muffled a laugh, watching her curiously.

“Yeah,” he said, a tiny giggle popping out at the end of the word, forcing him to swallow his giggles, finding a stern face. “Yeah, fine. Are you alright, Nance, you’re really jumpy.”

“Fucking hormones man…I have the memory and foresight of a fucking goldfish…” she  muttered, shaking her head wearily.

You giggled, wrapping an arm around her shoulders “Ah, Mrs. Nancy Byers-Wheeler, you are too fun to bug. Truly, you should be pregnant all the time, it makes it more fun for me. I get to be the smart one.” You said.

“I am still the smarter of the two of us, even with a baby stealing my brain cells.” Nancy frowned, annoyance evident in the heavy line creasing the centre of her forehead.

“I know, my dearest darling, I know.” You replied, making her smile again and sharing it with her.

“Hey! What the hell are you doing?” Steve called at a flock of teenagers in the hall a few feet away. You almost didn’t recognize them.

Max, Lucas, Mike, Dustin, and a girl you could only label as Marcy were all ahead of you, loitering around as the girl you’d labelled Marcy scratched something into the wall.

Mike, significantly taller but somehow not the tallest of the group, turned to find the sound and, without registering the whole of your little band, turned back to his friends and yelled “Scatter!”

You stepped forward, holding Steve back as you replied “Chill, Wheeler, nobody’s gonna tell on you.” Max turned back to look at you, roll her eyes as she grabbed Mike by the back of the shirt collar.

“Chill, dipshit, it’s just Steve and…is that you, Henderson? Jesus you turned into a hippie.” She said, earning a collective sigh from the group.

I haven’t had time to cut it, been busy.” You replied, walking over to the group to muffle her red hair, chopped almost completely off into a red pixie cut, mirroring Mia Farrow from Rosemary’s Baby. “Ugh, don’t mess with it, it took morning to get it to look this good.” She moaned, pushing your hand

“And it still looks like shit.” Lucas joked. Overall, he’d changed the most. While Mike had gotten taller, he still looked a little like an elf and was still too pale, and Max was still freckled and tiny, boyish save for her well done makeup, clearly a way to remind the world that she was still in fact a girl. Lucas was the most mature looking-the tallest of the group and the strongest. Dustin had said he’d taken up the helm of being the group’s sports star, captaining the basketball team in Steve’s place. His hair was still cropped short and his smile was still kind, but awkward. Underneath it all, he still seemed to be the little, awkward, logical boy you’d left in Hawkins with bad clothes and a worse relationship with his little sister, now a eighth grader.

“That’s not what you said earlier.” Max replied, eyeing him up. You cringed at their little routine, still virgining in their attempts at adulthood.

Mike was looking at you all, gobsmacked to see everyone all at once. “Nancy?” he asked, finding his sister in the group. “Jesus Christ what’re you doing here? Mom’s gonna kill you and the baby.”

“Language, Mike! Sybil is picking up on words now!” she cried.

“She’s not here now, is she?” he shot back and the two fell into a stream of bickering.

“Yeah well…it looked better then…” Lucas tried, awkward and strained.

“Y/N! What’re you doing here?” Dustin asked, pushing his way to the front of the group, clearly embarrassed.

“We were bored, decided to loiter inside the school instead of outside.” You replied with a shrug.

“And you are?” a female voice asked, high and tight. The supposed Marcy had stepped forward, hands on her hips and chest stuck out. If you were her age, this would turn into a girl fight, forcing strained seduction and quick backhanded acts of kindness.

“Hey, I’m Y/N,” you said, sticking out a hand for her to shake, which she looked at with a scowl. “I’m Dustin’s older sister.” You added. Quickly, her demeanour changed; she deflated, looking away with a sort of embarrassed inward cringe, shaking her head.

She huffed out a sigh, taking your hand and shaking it weakly “Hi…I’m Marcy, Dustin’s friend.” She said.

“I thought as much, I’ve heard a lot about you.” You replied with an easy smile, trying to urge her on. She looked uncomfortable, feigning toughness in dark clothes and a scowl painted dark purple, emphasizing the thickness of her lips. It all looked like what your mother would call an attempt to muffle your beauty, a form of dazzle camouflage that was meant to distract and scare away, not invite in. You understood her, you were her when you were her age.

“Really?” she asked, a small smile pulling at the corners of her pursed mouth, trying in vain not to smile.

“Yeah, you pop up in more letters than anyone else, well maybe anyone except Steve over here, he takes first place.” You replied, watching both Steve and Dustin cower away, watching you horrified and nervous.

“Y/N, that’s enough.” Dustin said, eyes flicking between you and Marcy, too nervous to look at either of you fully. You tried to sympathize; you didn’t want to be like your mother and embarrass him, but if it’s that easy to embarrass him then you didn’t know how to really communicate with this poor girl.

“That’s cool.” Marcy announced, the evidence of a smile on her eyes and cheeks, her mouth still holding firm despite the lilt in her voice.

“So, what does he say about me?” Steve asked nervously, shifting his weight between feet. Dustin looked at him curiously and a silent look was exchanged; Dustin confused and Steve trying to seem calm as his mind raced with possibilities.

“I mean…nothing major, he mostly just mentions you every time he talks about friends or hanging out.” You replied with a shrug, not registering his tense body language he was displaying.

“Really? Nothing else?” he asked, eyes darting around the hall.

“Not really, I mean, I didn’t even know you were a cop, remember? He’s not great with details.” You replied, watching him curiously. Steve seemed to be calming down, though his nerves were still ragged and raw and now very obvious to you. “You know, if this questioning is going to continue, I’m going to need a lawyer.” You said with a smile, nudging his shoulder. He smiled, though the twitchy energy wasn’t fading.

“Guys,” Marcy called, having gone back to examine her work, her scratchy letters spelling out ‘fuck school’ surely to be cover by paint or simply more scratches before the beginning of the school year. “I gotta get going, Andy’s gonna be here soon, I’ll catch you around, yeah?”

“Yeah, you still looking for a job in town?” Dustin asked, picking up her bag off the floor.

“Got an interview at Darlene’s Dress Shop at the mall, if all goes to plan I won’t be looking by Monday!” She replied, running down the hall without another word. Max rolled her eyes, sending her a half hearted wave.

“Bye Marce…” She muttered, a scowl making lines around her mouth. Lucas rubbed her shoulder gently, shaking his head.

“She’s not worth it, M&M…” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Guys! She had our hall passes! We gotta go!” Mike cried, trying to run off again, only to be grabbed by Nancy, forcing him back.

“It’s the last day of school, exams start Wednesday. Relax, you won’t get detention.” Nancy said softly. Mike nodded, his breathing shaky. Mike seemed to have gotten the worst of the anxiety, or at least the most obvious. Dustin had mentioned he’d turned into a bit of a square but you didn’t see it. He just seemed stressed out, a nervous twinge to his movement, a dart in his eyes. Hawkins obviously wasn’t helping him.

“And besides, if they even tried we’d come and break you out. They can’t hold you here, you’re graduating in a week!” Dustin added, wrapping a careful arm around the lanky boy’s shoulders, squeezing him too tight.

“That’s not encouraging, dude.” Mike replied, his face scrunching from the uncomfortable squeeze, pushing away.

“Well, how about then we get out of here? Can’t get detention if you aren’t in the building.” You offered.

“Yes, you can. We tried that, they just call home.” Mike retorted, crossing his skinny arms over his chest.

“Anybody else?” You asked, turning your attention to the others, already grabbing their bags off the floor. They nodded, heading down the hall. You motioned for Steve and Nancy to follow them, leaving Mike behind.

“Aw Jesus Christ wait up you assholes!” Mike cried, running to catch up with the rest of you. As it turns out, peer pressure and a bit of motherly coaxing still worked on him. You restrained yourself from laughing at him, his shaggy hair bouncing with every bound.

“Where are we even going?” He whined, eyes darting around for some mythical hall monitor or camera waiting to catch him.

“Well, I only have one request for you all, and then you can go wherever you want.” You replied with a shrug.

“We’re going to Scoops after this, its tradition, dumbass.” Max added, brushing her bangs off her face and holding out her palm to you, silently asking for gum. You complied easily, digging around in your purse for the pack and a pen as you found your way back into the front hall and in front of that mural.

You pulled the visitor pass from your pocket and handed it to Steve, motioning for Nancy to do the same. “Go and return these for us and keep Rhonda busy for a minute, okay?” you asked.

“What, why?” he countered, taking the polyester lanyards.

“Because I’m about to get the kids to commit a minor criminal offence and you’re a cop. So go away. You heard nothing.” You replied, pushing him towards the office door. Steve complied, heading into the office like a child forced to say hello to their kissy aunt.

“Alright,” you announced with a clap of your hands “Before you leave this place forever, I think it’s important to leave behind a legacy. Yearbooks get forgotten, photos get switched out, but with a single act of defiance we can leave a message that might last a bit longer.” You pulled the small card from the mess of school spirit themed messages.

“This has been up since I graduated, they never change this board and so you’re message will last as long as the board does.” You explained, showing them the card, the back of which gave the old guidance counsellor’s information for parent use, handed to you with a worried expression that same day.

You wrote the message out of defiance and anger.

Mrs. Donaldson had declared that you should return to high school for a year, do the victory lap to make you truly ready for college life. The idea that you weren’t ready made your blood boil; you were ready as you could ever be. She didn’t understand-after what you’d seen you could handle anything.

“I just think, after the year you’ve had, you deserve a redo.” She said, folding her hands neatly in the centre of the desk, her giant square rimmed glasses slipping down her nose.

“Do I have the marks for college?” you asked boredly, eyeing the teen psychology posters lining the walls with a grimace.

“Well yes, but after Heather’s-” she began, watching anxiously as your bored expression switched into an angry one. She silently braced herself for the explosion.

“What the hell does Heather have to do with me going to college?” you snapped.

“I just think that after Heather’s death you-” Mrs. Donaldson tried, but the cause was lost and you were already on your feet, throwing your half-empty bag on your shoulder, forcing the chair back up to the desk.

“I think Heather’s death has nothing to do with my success and that you trying to use it to keep me here is bullshit. I know who you’re working for and I know that all of this is some sort of scheme to get me. I’m going to college and that’s final.” You snapped.

Mrs, Donaldson sighed, pulling off her glasses and rubbing the bridge of her nose “Just take the card, Y/N.” she said, sliding the neatly printing card across the desk. And, for some reason, you took it.

You had planned to just throw it out and move on with your life. But as you sat on one of the cool metal benches outside the office, an idea slowly revealed itself.

You only had one pen on you, the purple gel pen that always left huge ink blots on everything, but you had to try. The message was clear in your head and came out easily, the pen never splotching. In that brief moment, you believed in fate and magic. It was probably just chance, but you were in the position to believe in such things because the world around you had changed so much that believing in something like fate or luck made as much sense as everything else happening around you.

You let your eyes flick to the head secretary, who was thankfully preoccupied with a magazine and carton of chocolates. You stood from the bench, trying to move as casually as you could over to the bulletin board, pretending to examine its worn news clippings and Polaroid’s. You chose the largest spot of white, up in the right hand corner and, snatching out a snapshot of Heather herself, replaced the photo with note.

‘Don’t let them make you forget things for their benefit. Remember pain. Remember embarrassment. Remember Heather Macpherson.’

“I think it’s only fitting that the third generation of fucked up kids leave theirs behind. Now, this has to be done carefully as to not draw attention to it, you can’t just write in on the bottom of a photo, okay? Do it together, write in on something, and leave your mark.” You told them. You made it feel like another mission, but the way they smiled and looked to one another. They huddled together and whispered wildly, just like they did as children. It would’ve been sweet if the context of all those huddles weren’t tattooed to your mind.

Mike had ripped off a piece of manila envelope and handed it to Lucas, who you assumed had the best handwriting. Dustin seemed to be the only one with a pen and Max was used as a makeshift desk. The note, when finished, was pinned up with a collection of very old yellowed photos. You herded them off and nodded to Steve, who headed out of the office, leaving Rhonda with her whole face lit up.

You remained at the board, wondering how long their note would last. Steve came up behind you, though this time it didn’t startle you this time.

“What they write?” he asked, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. You pointed out the tiny note.

The Russian girl lives.

“I mean, not entirely incorrect��” Steve said, a trying smile on his face, looking for something positive to say.

“It’s stupid.” You said, laughing just a little. Steve looked at you, taking in your easy smile and relaxed posture.

“Yeah…yeah it is. Come on, before they realize you’re laughing at them.” He replied, grabbing your hand and pulling you out the door, giggling like school children.

[pyropsychiccollector]

Goodbye Despair, Chapter 0: On the way to the School Trip (Part 1)

            Hajime honestly didn’t know how to feel being on a boat at this time. The infrequent rocking back and forth was unsettling enough, but they were also on a boat… with them. People who had brought the world to its knees. All fifteen of them, on one boat. In cells, mind you. But… really, what were jail cells going to do against Ultimates? There was an Ultimate Fighter, for Kami’s sake! An Ultimate Hope that supposedly had all the talents!

            If Mitarai didn’t need to take the last helicopter to Jabberwock, Hajime was sure he would’ve taken it himself. Nanami and Gekkogahara wanted Mitarai’s opinion on something; apparently, the Neo World Program was experiencing a bug, and the Ultimate Despairs needed to be shipped out as soon as possible, because the drugs wouldn’t keep them knocked out forever. Keeping them at Foundation headquarters wasn’t going to work, because they were trying to focus on rebuilding the world, now that the side of Despair was on the ropes. Junko Enoshima was dead, and her faithful lieutenants were hopefully going to be rehabilitated…

            They weren’t out of the woods yet. But if all went well, this would be a step in the right direction. A significant step.

            Hajime blinked and tensed when he heard running footsteps coming up to the deck. Based on how quickly the person was running up the steps, it was probably something urgent. It would have to be, what with how early in the morning it was.

            “Th-They’re awake!!!” Souda’s panicked cries called out to anyone who would hear him… which included Hajime, Fuyuhiko, and Peko.

            “… Shit.” The heir to the yakuza succinctly summed up their thoughts.

            ~*~

            Contrary to Souda’s report, not all of the Ultimate Despairs had stirred from their forced slumber. Kamukura had been up for ages, but he hadn’t done anything of note, and Munakata had made sure to have multiple cameras aimed at the Ultimate Hope’s cell.

            Aside from Kamukura, three Despairs had awoken that morning. Ironically, all in separate sections of cellblocks.

            “See! I saw her wakin’ up, so I decided to go check on the others, and two more were already up!” The Ultimate Mechanic exclaimed while pointing at a young woman huddled in the far corner of her cell, her knees drawn to her chest. Her striking, almost glowing red eyes were staring back at them. However, the expression was neutral, almost nonchalant. There was no heat, no anger, no hatred.

            Then again, this Ultimate hadn’t been very expressive while she was at Hope’s Peak. Pekoyama could attest to that.

            “Figures Ikusaba would be one of the first ones up…” Fuyuhiko raked his fingers through his short, blond hair. “Lemme guess… Oogami and Oowada are the other ones up.”

            Souda rubbed the back of his head as he chuckled nervously.

            “Actually, I’m kinda relieved it’s neither of them… It’s gonna be a nightmare when Oogami wakes up.”

            Peko raised an eyebrow curiously as she crossed her arms, facing Kazuichi.

            “Then who did wake up?”

            The mechanic scratched his cheek as he let out a light sigh.

            “Umm… Togami was talkin’ my ear off, so I got Munakata to take care of him. The other was Fujisaki. He’s kinda like Ikusaba, though – quiet and creepy…” Once again, he laughed nervously, evidently at a loss of what else to say.

            Fuyuhiko frowned deeply as he crossed his arms, his brow furrowing.

            “I guess if Ultimate Despair had a leader besides Enoshima, Togami would be it. Kirigiri was more of the brains behind the operation, though… I’d like to check in on Munakata’s interrogation, but we should leave him to it for now. Souda, mind comin’ with me?”

            The mechanic looked befuddled for a brief moment.

            “H-Huh? Where’d you wanna go? And why do I gotta come with?!”

            The yakuza heir snorted dryly.

            “Because you have similar talents to Fujisaki. Might as well see if we can get the little bastard to crack a little.”

            “Wouldn’t yakuza tactics fit her more?” Souda pointed at Ikusaba accusingly. “She’ll be a tougher nut to crack than Fujisaki!”

            “Soldiers are used to pain.” Fuyuhiko deadpanned. “And I’m not gonna break fingers yet, anyway! Look, just come with me, or you can stick around with the trained killer. Hajime, you good with staying here for a bit?”

            At the proposal, Hajime smiled nervously before nodding reluctantly.

            “Y-Yeah, sure… I stay here. Got it.”

            No, not really, but okay.

            “Good.” Fuyuhiko nodded tersely. “Peko, you keep Hajime safe. She tries anything funny, just knock her back out.”

            “Understood.” The swordswoman primly replied.

            As the yakuza and mechanic left, Hajime stood rooted in place as he mulled over how to proceed. It’s not like this was a “proper” interrogation anyway. They just wanted to understand… why their underclassmen had fallen to Despair. Because before they were million-class murderers, these guys had been normal high schoolers, just like them.

            … Well, as “normal” as anyone from Hope’s Peak could be.

            The point is, you didn’t just change who you are fundamentally without some kind of reason behind it.

            “Ima… watashi no… negaigoto ga…”

            Hajime and Peko both stood rigidly as the singing started. It was quiet, melancholic. And briefly, they didn’t know where it originated from, but they soon discerned that it was the imprisoned soldier, with a faraway look in her eyes. It took Hajime a few moments to place the song, but then he spoke up uncertainly.

            “That’s… Please Give Me Wings, right?”

            “…shiroi tsubasa tsukete kudasai…” Mukuro remained off in her little world. Steadily, she rocked back and forth, keeping her legs drawn to her chest.

            Hajime sighed inaudibly at the lack of response. He should’ve expected as much. The Despairs weren’t going to talk as if they were old friends; being ignored was probably the tamest thing they did.

            Peko wasn’t deterred, however, staring down the caged soldier coolly.

            “Was it painful to lose your sister, Enoshima? Or did you take pleasure in the Despair?”

            That stopped Ikusaba cold. Hajime noted a shift in the air as the two warriors stared each other down, no changes of inflection in their stoic expressions. Hajime nervously shuffled his feet as the temperature in the cellblock seemed colder somehow. He knew Peko had likely stabbed a sore spot with that barb, and maybe that was the point, but…

            “H-Hey, Peko? Why don’t you let me do the talking…?” Hajime coughed awkwardly as he adjusted his tie. Peko’s frosty glare did not waver, and Ikusaba finally addressed them.

            “And what would you know about Despair?” The soldier quipped nonchalantly. Peko narrowed her eyes.

            “I know the 78th Class spread Despair all over the world… leaving billions miserable in their wake.”

            “How clinical of you to put it that way.” Mukuro mused sarcastically. “But what about you? What Despair have you personally experienced, firsthand? And don’t try to say the loss of a random yakuza. They’re about a dime a dozen.”

            Peko bristled at the insult to the Kuzuryu Clan, and Hajime held his hands up peacefully.

            “H-Hey… c’mon, now… The world’s fallen apart; of course we’ve all lost someone by now!”

            Mukuro’s cold eyes never left Pekoyama.

            “The issue is never what we ‘lost’.” The soldier snapped. “It’s ‘what we have left’. And I’m willing to bet that despite aaall that pain and ‘suffering’ you’ve experienced, you can still carry on because of those precious people. Well, not everyone is as fortunate as you.”

            While Hajime’s face softened at Mukuro’s harsh, but true, words Peko’s gaze narrowed.

            “By the same token, just because you don’t have anything left doesn’t mean you have to spread misery to the rest of the world. By the sounds of it, you’re just petty and bitter about others being happy. Despair isn’t anything to rejoice over. Find new friends, and move on with your life.”

            Suck it up.

            Hajime sweated nervously as the temperature in the cellblock took another nosedive. He tugged at his collar as he looked between the two warriors. He didn’t think Peko, of all people, would get under someone’s skin, but lo and behold, she was pissing off the Ultimate Soldier… And that wasn’t a good thing.

            “Get. Out.” The dark-haired girl hissed, her arms wrapping tighter around her knees as she glared at the two visitors.

            Peko arched an eyebrow at her adversary.

            “I was under the impression you were the prisoner here. You do not dictate our actions.”

            Mukuro shook from her spot on the metal floor, but she did not make any sudden moves. Hajime took a steady breath and decided to put his foot down before the situation got any tenser.

            “Peko, could you wait by the door? I’ll handle this.” Hajime rigidly requested. The swordswoman seemed to disagree with Hajime's plan of action.

            “Fuyuhiko said…”

            “He wanted me to try talking to her.” The brunet reasoned, keeping his voice calm, not harsh-sounding. “Needling her like this isn’t going to do us any favors. Just… trust me, okay?”

            He wasn’t making a very rational argument, and he knew it. If Mukuro decided she wanted to hurt him, there wasn’t going to be much he could do about it on his own, even with her in the cage. But… even so. Peko’s presence wasn’t helping. It was nothing against her; talking with Ultimate Despairs was always going to be a chore. Yet upsetting them was a worse outcome than getting “overly friendly” with them. They were volatile enough already, and Hajime wanted to pacify Mukuro before they reached Jabberwock Island.

            It wouldn’t be pretty, otherwise.

            “… My apologies. I got carried away.” Peko bowed her head and closed her eyes for a moment. “I will be nearby, if you need me.”

            As the swordswoman walked away, Hajime released a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding, and ran a hand through his hair nervously. He didn’t like being forceful, and he hated making Peko feel like she was a nuisance. But Peko really hadn’t been doing them any favors by exchanging barbs with Mukuro.

            Hajime turned his attention to the dark-haired woman who hadn’t budged an inch from her spot in the corner. Her eyes were solely on him now, but they contained no heat or coldness, like they had when Pekoyama was there. Her expression was devoid of emotion again, and Hajime was unsure what to feel, himself… or how to proceed, really.

            “H-Hey, um…” Hajime trailed off uncertainly. He winced when Mukuro cut him off in an even tone.

            “I told you to leave.”

            Hajime winced at the steel in her voice. Peko had really struck a chord, and he couldn’t really blame Mukuro for feeling this way… Peko meant well, and she had a point with moving on in life… But sometimes, people couldn’t move on right away. He didn’t know what Mukuro had suffered or what kind of person she was, so he couldn’t judge her, even if she was a soldier. A strong physical talent doesn’t guarantee an equally strong spirit.

            “Look, I’m not here to judge you, alright?” Hajime expressed in a slightly exasperated tone. “Peko was out of line, and I don’t want to leave things at that... It’s not fair to you.”

            “It doesn’t matter to me.” The soldier droned. Hajime couldn’t help arch an eyebrow at the claim.

            “Huh…? But you got really angry after Peko said all that…” He didn’t mean to sound naïve; he just wanted to be direct.

            “…” Apparently, Mukuro didn’t have anything to say to that as she continued to stare, her eyes never wavering. She didn’t even blink.

            Hajime sighed.

            “Look, I think it matters to you.” The brunet insisted. “Why else would you be so hostile so suddenly?”

            “What makes you think it was sudden?” The soldier quipped back. “Ultimate Despair and the Future Foundation are enemies. It shouldn’t surprise you that I have no desire to see your faces.”

            “No, that’s wrong!” Hajime was still insistent. “You were provoking Peko, but something in you changed when Peko talked about moving on…!”

            “It doesn’t matter!” Mukuro barked sharply, causing Hajime to flinch again. “Nothing matters anymore. Nothing that bitch can do or say will affect me. You’re wasting your breath.”

            “… No. This does matter.” Hajime replied stubbornly. He could tell he was getting under Mukuro’s skin, too… But something within him believed this was necessary. “I don’t know if this is your ‘despair’ – ignoring something in your past that meant something to you – but you’re still emotionally attached to that thing. You wouldn’t just… submit to despair without a reason. You wouldn’t care about spreading despair if you weren’t experiencing it yourself!”

            Hajime felt a shiver run up his spine as Ikusaba’s red eyes seemed to flare with new vigor and malice as she glared at him again. He did feel intimidated – how couldn’t he be? – but he wasn’t going to back down.  They had a duty to bring back their underclassmen from the dregs of Despair that Junko Enoshima had dragged them into. Even if the Neo World Program was going to make them forget all this pain and suffering… He had to know. What pain was so terrible that they wanted to end the world?

            The brunet was expecting Mukuro’s rage to peak again… But instead, it all dissipated. The flare in her eyes was snuffed out like a candle. It… truly confused Hajime.

            “I am telling the truth. Nothing matters anymore.” Mukuro intoned coldly. If Hajime wasn’t watching her closely, he would have missed the slight quiver in her frame as she seemed to shake with some emotion. “The others… have buried it in their subconscious. They have moved onto other Despair in their lives… But I am not like the others.”

            Hajime felt another chill run down his spine as Mukuro’s red eyes became so lifeless… They were black holes of nothingness, yet it was still so very different from the look that Junko would sometimes get… With Junko, the Ultimate Despair was practically inhuman when she made this face. For her, Despair was her motivation for everything. When Mukuro made this face… Hajime could tell that this was a woman who had clearly, without a doubt, given up on everything. And it chilled his blood to see this happen in a girl that was a year younger than him. Because there was no motivation, no joy, in plunging the world into anarchy and terror, not for Mukuro Ikusaba.

            “There is nothing left for me. There was nothing left for me when Junko was alive. I hate Despair… I hated my sister… But I had nothing left. It’s easier once you accept that you’re a tool of war, but that does nothing to quell the cruel emptiness inside… You numb the pain, but it’s still there. Just a dull ache now. There is nothing worth saving in this world… so I dismantle it all, at Junko’s behest.”

            Hajime wet his lips as he tried to process this… ‘logic’ Mukuro was using. In theory, it kind of made sense… Mukuro had lost the will to live, but she hadn’t become suicidal. Instead, she killed her emotions and became just a soldier. Just a tool. He supposed he could see that as her Despair, but…

            “Well… what did matter?” Hajime asked quietly. As Mukuro kept silent, he gritted his teeth. “You say nothing matters now, but that implies that at some point, something mattered to you! You haven’t been ‘hopeless’ your entire life…!”

            “On the contrary, we Despair Sisters were born in this world with nothing but Despair within us.” If Mukuro wasn’t still dead in her expression and tone, Hajime would swear she was using snark just now. “It’s not hard to imagine nothing has ever mattered to me.”

            Hajime shook his head fiercely, pointing at her accusingly.

            “I might’ve bought that if you hadn’t said that, unlike the others, you never ‘forgot’ something. You said the others found new forms of Despair, but not you. What happened to make you all like this?”

            It felt more than aggravating when Mukuro fell silent again. She was dodging the issue, and he supposed by now it was possible he’d never get an answer out of her… He would question the other Despairs, but he had this gut feeling this was the root of the issue of everything. How could Junko brainwash her entire class? What pain were they all forced to experience?

            “… We lost our Hope.” The soldier finally said, after what seemed like an eternity. Hajime clenched his fists in frustration.

            “But what does that mean?” Hajime demanded. “You guys had all sorts of hopes and dreams! Don’t tell me Junko attacked each one!”

            Enoshima had been powerful, monstrous, but she hadn’t been omnipotent.

            “We lost our Hope.” Mukuro put more stress on that word, apparently unwilling to elaborate. “Nothing mattered after Hope was gone. Nothing.”

            “Then why did they shift to other forms of Despair?!”

            “Because Makoto would have wanted them to move on… and not one of them was willing to do that. So they killed their own friends and family, and tore their dreams to shreds.” Mukuro informed the brunet coldly. And it was only then that Hajime finally understood, with that one word.

            Makoto Naegi was the one member of Class 78, aside from Junko Enoshima who was dead, that had been part of Ultimate Despair.

            Makoto Naegi was the Ultimate Lucky Student. He had also been the class representative of Class 78. 

            Makoto Naegi was the boy from their class that had gone missing. Just like Mitarai.

            Makoto Naegi… had been Class 78’s Hope. 

[the-real-xmonster]

On Nathan Chen and Quads

tbh i expected nathan to be scored higher at the olympics: 90 pcs maybe but now that he’s landed 6 quads do you think he’ll continue to do 6 quads? and how much do you think his pcs will rise?

Sorry, I can’t extrapolate from a correlation that supposedly doesn’t exist. If you read through the ISU guidelines for Program Component Scores, you’d see that none of the 5 areas is directly related to the number of quads. The only criterion whose explanation mentions jump at all is Transitions, but since part of TR is judged based on jump entries and exits, if there is any correlation at all between actual TR content and number of quads, it’s most likely in the opposite directions: more difficult jumps usually come with easier entries.

Will he continue to do 6 quads? Sure, why not?  

Hi Alice! Am I the only one who thinks Nathan could benefit from a coaching change? I know he probably wouldn’t since he’s been with Raf for so long but I just feel like he’s not growing as a skater anymore. His 6-Quad free skate feels so empty to me, yes the quads were impressive but there was nothing in between. I wish he would switch to someone like Orser (Though idk if he would take him because of Yuzu) who would help him refine all aspects of his skating, not just the jumps.

I don’t know, honestly, coach change would be a rather destabilizing move and more stress is the last thing Nathan wants in his career right now.

Personally, I disagree with almost every approach Arutyunyan has taken in coaching Nathan so far: from the heavy focus on quads, to his inability, or refusal, to settle on a specific layout for Nate’s programs, to his lack of control in letting the media run away with their hype, to his inefficiency in mentally preparing his student for competition, and his pretty irresponsible way of time and again shifting the blame to equipment failures and whatnot. But that’s me talking as an outsider and also someone who is a lot older than Nathan and has more experience than he does when it comes to rationalizing these aspects. Nathan seems to have a lot of trust in his coach and they do have a good relationship, and for him, that is likely the most important thing. Switching coach and training environment probably has never crossed his mind, nor has it even occurred to him that he might need to make that change.

With Nathan adding more and more quads to his skates, do you think he will work on trying to add transitions and balancing the jumps with the choreography? We all know he can jump but his program just seemed a bit empty and the jumps not as effortless.

No, I don’t think so, because I have not seen any evidence of his team trying to improve his TR and CO so far.

Okay that’s not entirely fair, at the beginning of this season I had a lot of hope for Nathan’s SP because it is a great music choice and Shae-Lynn’s choreographic touches, as usual, do wonders in highlighting his strengths. The later we moved into the season though, the more that program became only a shadow of its potential. Instead of growing in expression and complexity, his SP turned into another quad show, in between which there’s Nathan mechanically moving his body to the prescriptive motions without actually feeling the music or interpreting it.

The thing is, though, he is not getting any disadvantage from making his program devoid of non-jump content. His FS the other day at the Olympics got 87.44 in PCS and numerous +2 in GOE for jumps that had no recognizable entry, no complicated exit, barely matched to music, and not that outstanding in height and distance either. He has zero incentive, in scoring terms, to enrich his programs, is what I’m trying to say.

Hi Alice! Thank you for all the amazing knowledge you share about skating because seriously i look forward to your updates as i learn so much from them (^o^). I am just worried that before long fs will turn into a quad competition (more so than it already is!) and forget all the artistry it stands for. Do you think that the new generation of figure skaters are too competitive to even enjoy the sport themselves?  

Well, there’s a silver lining to this: the quad competition has to stop somewhere. I don’t know how long it will take, but eventually there will come a point of saturation when all of the men will be doing 5 quads and 2 triple Axels in their free skates (7 jumping passes only because that’s what we will be left with from next season according to the confirmed ISU rule change). Once the men reach that plateau, they will have no choice but to turn to enhancing other aspects of their skating if they want to set themselves apart. Actually, a similar thing is already pretty much happening right now, with their Short Program, in which many of the top men have 2 quads planned and the lead usually comes down to a matter of GOE and PCS.

The not-so-silver lining to this silver lining is, at that point of full saturation, we’ll have to deal with the scoring witchcraft we are currently seeing in the ladies’ event. It’s not going to be pretty either way, I’m afraid.

[dicecast]

The Core Realms of the Outer Planes

-Introduction of the Planes, as written by Sigil Scholar “First Dawn” as punishment for a great crime she committed against nature itself.  She can be found in Sigil University giving extremely grumpy lectures about the multiverse until her community service is entirely over.  

Part 1: The Core Planes

The most famous Planes are of course, the Outer Planes, so much so that they are quite frankly, over done, and I find this assignment to be entirely beneath my time and dignity to have to explain.  The popularity of these monuments to limited imagination isn’t surprising, after all each of them represent a facade of a simplistic, reductive, and all together uninspired morality that shackles this world to the corpse of absolutes.  Each of them is dramatic and superficially excited, and for the average prime I imagine it must be quite exciting to discover that not only is Hell real, but that it is build upon metaphorical representations of Lawful Sins. But for those of us wordly enough not only see the larger framework but also to challenge base assumption, the unimpatnative nature of these 9 planes isn’t just uninteresting, it is actively detrimental to true planar study. These 9 planes are so overly studied so that all other fields of Planar examination are left woefully understaffed, with more and more time and effort being dedicated to 9 realms which frankly weren’t very interesting to begin with.  This is similar to how the four “Classical” Elements (Earth, Wind, Fire, Water) have become popular that there are more scholars dedicated to the Plane of Water than their are to all of the other 17 elemental planes combined.  This planar brain drain is not just frustrating and tedious, it’s also dangerous as the denizens of say, the Middle Planes are actually just as threatening as Demons but lack the symbolic residence to have people make the proper preparations.  There are more paladin demon hunting orders than I can caught, but the designs of the PLane of Dreams can evidently walk freely, as their machinations are not laced in the mask of objective morality.  Even within the Outer Planes, the vast majority of scholarship goes to the Lower Planes, the realms of Evil, likely because of how ultimately simplistic they are.  Discarding cultists, nobody likes demons, and so there are book upon tedious book written about their evil, their depravity, and their lack of complexity, all of which boil down to “Demons are bad, we should kill them.”  The Upper Planes, far more challenging in their conceptions, have little in the way of scholar, because defining what is evil is easy, defining what is good is challenging.  Seriously can I write about anything other than this, I mean god, this is child’s play stuff?  

Ok Fine

   There are 9 “Core” Planes, which embody, as you might imagine, personify one of the Night Alignments.  I might as well mention now, the Outer Planes have a creepy obsessive fetish with symmetry, which will get tiring very very quickly I assure you.  These nine planes can be subdivided into the “Upper” “Lower” and “Central”  Planes, personifying Good, Evil, and Neutrality respectively, and it’s all very nice and neat and infantile.  Let’s do the Lower Planes First, which as the personification of evil, are utterly overdone in terms of the popular imagination.  There is nothing more tedious than the many many texts on the Lower PLanes, so I will try to sum them up as quickly as possible. One thing first, these planes are the largest infinite planes in the multiverse ,because evil is the most powerful force in the multiverse, luckily they are always fighting each other in The Blood War so we don’t have to deal with it, and I’m sure you know this already.  

   The most overrated of them all are The Nine Hells of Baator, Home of the Devils, Beings of Law and Evil, and every layer of it has been so particularly scrutinized that I suspect many of the scholars (such as those who wrote the Gates of Hell manuals) are actually in the pay of the Nine.  Hell is a land of rigid unyielding law, but I want it duly noted it is not in fact, fascist.  It isn’t absolute, mindless dehumanizing law, instead it is the most evil aspect law can possibly have, namely Feudalism.  The Law of Baator is strict, unyielding, and inhuman, but above all it is unfair and arbitrary.  The laws are contradictory, inconsistent, and utterly self destructive but they are literal law, even if they make no sense.  This is law to such a demented degree that they don’t make any sense, a hypocritical system which is absolute in its incompetence and inhumanity and yet stills frustrate continues to exist.  The Hells are not realms of absolute obedience and conformity to an absolute law, they are an incomprehensible set of rules and obligations that pretends to be a realm of absolute obedience and conformity, which is even worse.  The Hells are ruled by the “Lords of the Nine”, 9 freakishly powerful Devils who serve as Feudal Lords, lead by the “Lord of the Nine” the enigmatic and entirely overplayed Asmodeus, who if you read his news briefs, is the most clever, intelligent, funny and sexy entity in the world, but everybody else sees him as a prat.  

        The opposition to the Nine Hells is the realm of Chaos and Evil, The 666 Infinite Layers of the Abyss, is a realm of absolute paradox, staying with the fact that it supposedly has infinite layers but in fact has 666 (scholars have counted 667).  Populated by the Demons, this realm is crawling with every horrific evil imaginable and is the largest plane in existence, for every one Devil, there are at least a million demon, likely more.  A single Lawful Evil Mortal soul can create 9 devils, while a single Chaotic Evil soul can create a huge amounts of demons.  This is fundamentally and explicitly unfair...and that’s the point.  The Abyss is a realm where rules don’t work, in fact any attempt to even conceive of rules are folly, and trying to put it into a box is futile in itself.  All generalizations are proven wrong and all trends fail because the Abyss actively rejects it, and the plane itself almost seems to delight in thumbing its nose at conventional understanding, occasionally producing good demons just to confuse everybody else.  As a rule demons are sadistic, cruel, and anarchistic but of course...that’s a rule.  The Abyss is forever in a war against themselves, each layer has a Demon Lord who wishes to claim the title of “Demon Prince” but only three really have a shot and they have fought for millenia, Grazz’t Lord of Lust and the Triple Realms, Orcus the master of Undeath and Divnity, and of course Demogorgon, the Prince of Demons.  However combat is tedious and so is the Abyss, so let’s move one.

   The least appreciate Lower Plane is Abaddon, the realm of the Daemons, who are in many ways the more moderate evils and thus less focus is paid to them, which I think is largely unfair, because that makes them the most human.  Daemons are oriented around 4 principles of evil, Hypocrisy, Bigotry, Vindictiveness, and Ignorance, and individual Daemons will drift between these as if they were wearing hats. It is very hard to sum up Daemons because they are evil in a very relatable way, they are most famous for their vast corporations of soulless bureaucracy, but Daemons also can have a great deal of personality individually, though almost always in as needlessly dickish a way that they can.  Daemons are all hypocrites who lack any core or foundation other than circumstances, and so what type of viciousness they represent varies from moment to moment, and unlike their extreme counterparts, it’s never ideological.  Daemons are at their core nihilists, and are evil without justification, logic, intention, or even knowledge, they are the random everyday evil of your average man.  Which is why I find them superfluous and am going to move one.  

Editor's Note: I have to also mention they are ruled by The Four Horsemen. There, moving on.  

Moving on to the perpetually overlooked “Central Planes”, these are the realms of neutrality and really don’t have the scholarship they deserve.  They are not in constant war, while Law and Chaos disagree, each mostly acknowledges the necessity of the other, but instead try to find a balance, which is of course, extremely difficult.  

    First are The Outlands, the great patchwork that connects the Outer Plane, and at the center of this infinite plane is the Spire, on top which lies Sigil.  Every square mile of the Outlands is different, almost a patchwork of aspects of other planes, and you could walk through a forest into a desert into a great mechanical wasteland in the span of three minutes.  This plane has the largest mortal population, and is responsible for many of the fundamental rules of reality, and keeping the Balance of the Planes intated.  Ruling over this are The Aeons, mysterious cosmic entities who keep the illusion of the world intact, or possible weave a new one, enematic and unknown.  Their ruler the Monad has as far as I can tell, never been seen and likely doesn’t exist.   

   Next to the Outlands is The Maelstrom, supposedly the origin of life, and an ever shifting realm in its own right, but this is a realm of creativity, language, and the senses, things that fundamentally reject any limitations placed upon them.  The realm is one of potential good and bad, independence and free will, and the native Proteans, strange snake like creatures who seem to wish to push against all restrictions, and offer up radical visions of what could yet be.

      Next one is Mechanus, the realm of Gears, which maintains the universe itself.  This gigantic endless system of  gears and systems is the realm of math, shapes, physics, and systems, consistency and understanding. It has little interest in societal rules, which it finds all together too inconsistent and self serving, but instead cosmic rules, like the notion that 1+1=2 unless you can prove otherwise mathematically.  The natives are known as Modrons, and each resemble different forms of law, most look like shapes (Cubes, Pyramids, squares) but other are equations, and the greatest resemble strangely enough different forms of dice.  

Next are the Upper Planes, where the forces of good dwell, and are some of the smallest realms in the world, for here dwell the forces of absolute good.  And as much as the edgelords out there like to claim otherwise, they aren’t well intended extremists, they cannot be anything other than absolutely good, they are defined by their very good nature on a fundamental level incomprehensible to a mortal.  These planes are on the verge of destruction, barely holding their own against the vast hordes of evil, but despite this, they stayed strong and part of that is through their unity, these planes have difference but they work together and help each other, their differences make them stronger and allow them to prevail over the forces of evil.  Also i want to make this clear, they are not ruled by Gods, Gods are entirely different things, these are secular realms.  Just assholes.  

The most famous are the Seven Heavens, where Law and Good come together as one, ruled by the Archons.  Built around a Celestial Mountain, the seven layers are all built around the theme of betterment of the self, souls come here and improve steadily, ascending the layers.  The natives here believe strongly in goodness as the result of governance, and hope to build institutions, orders, and structures to allow good to flourish.  Militarily, they are armies, which is why they get the most attention, the Archons go forth in hoards to try to stymie the forces of evil where they can, and when they do show up, it is indeed magnificent.  

Next is the Realm is the Blessed Fields of Elysium, ruled by the kind Aasimons, creatures of love, relationships, and community.  This realm is idealism, understanding, and goodness as the result of personal happiness.  The souls here try to find joy in themselves and those around them, for those who are happy will turn away from cruelty.  The Aasimons are the least known of the Good Exemplars, for they focus not on dramatic heroism whenever possible, but instead on the smaller acts to try to make good have a chance.  Childcare, helping broken homes, providing medical aid or psychological care, first responders to disasters, grief counselors, or simply a mysterious women in a bar who is willing to lend a sympathetic ear, Aasimons go often in secret the Material Plane to help keep the spark of hope alive in what little way they can.  To them, depression is where evil emerges, and joy is what allows the goodness within you to come forth.  

The Transcendent Glades of Arborea is where Chaos and Goodness come together, with the Azatas serving as its manifestation.  Aborea is a vast wilderland except more wonderful and magical than any that exists, colors, sensations, and pleasures exist as no mortal co comprehend them, and seriously they throw the best fucking parties you have no idea.  This is a realm where man’s base nature is good, and without limitations and restrictions placed upon it, they can come forth and enjoy the morality that lies within us, and Azatas hope to tear down the institutions and systems to force mortals to choose selfishness rather than compassion.  Azatas, like Archons, go forth and fight evil ,but they do so as individuals or small bands, of scouts and infiltrators.  Many times a force of evil has suddenly fallen apart due to the secret machinations of the Azatas, and more than a few times villians have found they prefer getting really high in Arborea than taking over the world.  

Once these 9 realms were balanced equally but ever since the actions of mortals have determined their power, evil has been winning, and so much so that Good as a force is no longer a factor.  If the legends are to be believed, this new circumstances was created by the Upper Planes themselves as the price to give mortals true choice of their actions, thus condemning themselves to their own destructions.  The Upper Planes by all right should have been wiped out long ago, destroyed by the forces of evil, and yet they prevail, because in a world seemingly resigned to darkness, there is just enough kindness that the light stubbornly refuses to go out.  

There you go, 9 overdone, over analyzed, over handled bullshit system which isn’t worth any respect, and I think that the whole thing is a colossal waste of time.  

[mcneelamusic]

The History and Evolution of the Irish Bodhran

At the beginning of every lecture I try to keep it light and engage with all the students. To get the students attention I’ve come up with a fun approach. I start by saying “The facts you are about to hear are all lies!” It definitely grabs their attention immediately and I have 150 faces looking at me blankly!

My statement is of course not true. However, I’ve spent many years researching the bodhrán and honestly I’ve learned that there is no definitive history of the bodhran in Ireland. We can only rely on word of mouth (more like Chinese whispers), handed down through the years by the many generations.

The information and stories we hear are all narrated to us by our parents and grandparents. In other words, the history of the bodhrán is only hearsay. We have little concrete information.

If you research the history of the bodhran online, you will come across several quite varied opinions of the drum’s roots. Many claim it is an ancient druidic drum. Below are some of the theories which exist.

A trade route for the bodhrán could be traced back to over several millennia ago. The trade route may have been in Persia. This is supposedly where the drum frame originated.

The reason people believe the drum originated from Persia is due to its use for the act of winnowing, or separating seeds. This seems the most likely source, as this is what provided the basic drum for most of the other frame drumming cultures.

More recently, it’s believed that the bodhran may have come from North Africa. Frame drums are very popular in this region and are usually played by hand. This North African instrument, called the bendir was played in Ancient Egypt. As Ireland traded with Mediterranean countries, this makes it a likely theory.

This theory is based on use of the bodhran as a tool for dyeing wool. It’s believed that the rim could have been made of bent willow with the skin stretched and tied over the circular willow, then punctured to allow the dye to pass through. The popular colours for dyeing would have been purple (from the flower of the heather), green (from vegetables) and orange (from carrots). Purple and green are known as the Celtic colours.

Interestingly, the bodhran was also used in battle as a war drum. This was to raise the temper of the fighting men against the enemy.

The bodhran was first mentioned in folklore. this comes from our grandparents and they probably heard it from their grandparents and this was with regards to The Wren. The Wren is said to have been a pagan ritual, so we presume the bodhrán was used around the 18th century, however it may have been introduced centuries before that, there’s no evidence of how far back it goes.

John B Keane wrote a book called the The Bodhrán Makers, it’s a good novel, however it’s not a history book! After years of research, it’s remarkable that there’s still no written history in existence and at this stage most likely there never will be.

We know that the bodhrán has been in existence for many years, it’s now as popular as ever, but what made it so popular those many years ago?

After doing much research, I found the basis of what made the bodhrán so popular and ironically it was used as a beat played to the music on the day of The Wren, also known as Saint Stephen’s Day, which takes place December 26th.

So what was The Wren? It was when a group of men dressed up in straw hats and skirts, they blackened their faces with soot and entertained their local population by going from house to house playing traditional music and dancing in payment for food, money or drink and of course the craic which came with it! They were known as wrenboys, mummers or strawboys. This pagan tradition dates back a millennium, this means if the bodhrán was used, it goes as far back as then.

Legend has it that St Stephen was betrayed by a chattering wren while hiding from his enemies. The wren like St Stephen would be hunted down and stoned to death.

Another legend holds that during the Viking raids of the sixth century, Irish soldiers were betrayed by a wren as they were sneaking up on a Viking camp in the dead of night. The wren began eating crumbs left on a bodhrán drum head and the rat-a-tat-tat of his beak on the drumhead woke the drummer who sounded the alarm. The Irish were subsequently defeated and the wren blamed.

So if The Wren was celebrated as early as the first millennium it is possible that the bodhrán was also around at that time.

The wren the wren the king of all birds,

On Stephens Day was caught in the furze,

Although he is little his family is great,

I pray you lady you give us a treat.

My box would speak if it had only a tongue,

And two or three shillings would do it no wrong,

Sing holly sing ivy-sing ivy sing holly,

A drop just to drink would drown melancholy.

And if you draw it of the best,

I hope in heaven your soul will rest,

But if you draw it of the small,

It won’t agree with these wrenboys at all.

First Recordings of the Bodhrán

The bodhrán was first recorded in the 1920’s, it was recorded on a 78 record. It became popular in the fifties and sixties with the renewal in popularity of traditional Irish music and this gave life to the bodhrán makers of the sixties, such as Sonny Davey from Sligo, Charlie Byrne from Tipperary, Paddy Clancy from Limerick and many more.

Bodhrán-making became a cottage industry. In 1978, I joined the fraternity known as The Bodhrán Makers. An bodhrán was promoted by Seán O’Riada in his arrangements for Ceoltóirí Chualann, who later became The Chieftains, and was preferred by Seán to the snare drum used in the céilí bands.

The word bodhrán could also mean deafner, possibly as the wren boys used it to make a lot of noise. According to John B the wren boys sometimes added flattened pennies to the sides to make a jingle and hence the name bourine, short for tambourine.

The Much Maligned Bodhrán Player

The bodhran is regarded by some with derision, or at best suspicion. There are reasons behind this attitude, though I would obviously disagree myself.

The bodhrán seems easy to play. To the non-musician who wants to be thought of as a musician, the bodhrán would appear to be an easily acquired passport into a select company. Or it may be that he perceives the music as an entertainment with which everyone may, or should, join in. Whatever the motivation, the results are sometimes dreadful; a piano accordion, for example, accompanied by a battering of four or five aspiring bodhrán players, all producing personal variations on what they think is the beat is hardly likely to be music.

On the other hand the bodhrán can give a good lift to a session or to solo playing. The combination of the Irish flute and bodhrán is a well-tried one and many flute players like a good bodhrán accompaniment.

The bodhrán frame is made from a variety of different timbers, the most popular being plywood. The use of crossbars gives added strength to the frame. Goatskin is mainly used, but I have heard of people using a variety of animal skins. Goats are not killed for their skins. The skin is a byproduct. The skins that are used today come from a variety of countries mainly Ireland, North Africa, India and Pakistan.

To finish off, a researcher friend of mine was researching the word bodhrán and believes that it comes from the Irish word bodhraigh, which means anger or aggravate. Relate this to winnowing, the separating of the wheat from the chaff. As the wheat bounced against the skin, the wheat is agitated and the chaff separates. So the agricultural tool used to perform this operation could well be called a bodhrán.

So there you have it. A brief history of the bodhran. Though much information is speculation, this, in my professional opinion, is the most likely history of the bodhran.

If you’re taken with this legendary Irish instrument and want to try it yourself, have a read of my Expert Guide to Buying a Bodhran. It will teach you everything you need to know to about the mechanics of this seemingly simple instrument.

[whovian223]

We are getting close to the end of this 10-week opus, this look at the Boardgame Geek Top 100 games and which ones I’ve played.

This has actually been my favourite series to write so far in the 3+ years of this blog.

Mainly because it’s given me 9 (soon to be 10) weeks of guaranteed content, as well as some great interactions with my few fans. It’s been very interesting to see other people’s opinions of the games that we play.

And while there hasn’t been controversy, per se, there have been a few “oh, I love this game that you hate!” responses, which I also really like.

Nobody’s got on me for liking a game that they hate, which is a welcome change from most of the BGG forums. And they really haven’t gotten on me for hating a game they like. Just gentle nudges.

Sometimes reading the BGG forums for a game can be like facing off against the teeming hordes of people who disagree with you.

And sometimes you’re the only one on your side.

It can get quite tedious.

Not here, though! People who come here are all very nice.

I love you all.

And with that, let’s begin!

#20 – Wingspan (Stonemaier Games) – 2019

Designer: Elizabeth Hargrave

Artists: Ana Maria Martinez Jaramillo, Natalia Rojas, Beth Sobel

Wingspan very rightly won a Dice Tower award recently, as it is a wonderful game. I played it for the first time in early 2019 but played it twice at Dice Tower West!

This is a phenomenal game, the tableau-building game designed by Elizabeth Hargrave (nice to see a woman designer with such a successful game!).

This is a game where you are playing birds to your habitats that will then have effects when you take the specific action that coincides with that habitat.

Green habitats will give you extra stuff when you get food. The yellow habitat will do things when you collect eggs, etc.

I love how your actions are affected by the number of birds you already have in that habitat, as well as the diminishing number of actions you get, since each round an action is spent on the “end or round” bonus from the previous round.

After four rounds, you’re going to be totaling up the victory points from your birds, your end-of-round scoring and your bonus cards and whoever has the most is the winner!

This game easily would have made my Top 25 games ever played if I hadn’t played it mere weeks after doing that post.

I love the tableau-building aspect of the game, the artwork is amazing and I just love the game play. It’s easy to get stuck if you don’t plan your plays well, and there is a bit of luck if you don’t draw birds that work with what you’re trying to do.

But overall it’s a greatly enjoyable game that I will own shortly.

And then we’ll see how it plays 2-player, as it’s another COVID purchase.

#19 – Arkham Horror: the Card Game (Fantasy Flight Games) – 2016

Designer: Nate French, Matthew Newman

Artists: Lots!

Yes, this is my new obsession.

I said why on Monday’s “New to Me – June 2020” post but this is a game that I can’t stop following.

This is the card game version of Arkham Horror where the locations you are visiting are cards that are brought out by the scenario you are playing.

  Each player has an investigator and as you’re going through the campaign, you will be improving your deck with better cards when you spend experience to get them.

The investigators all have different abilities which makes the game very replayable, even if the secrets of the scenarios themselves are known (in the first scenario, you know which investigator to send to the Attic and which one to the Cellar, for instance).

Who knows? Maybe one of these days I’ll be posting Arkham Horror: LCG strategy articles to this blog.

Nah, who am I kidding. I never know what I’m doing, even when I’ve played a game multiple times.

Still, this is a game that I will continue to revisit and I can’t wait to experience it.

#18 – Brass: Lancashire (Roxley Games) – 2007 (2018 for deluxe edition)

Designer: Martin Wallace

Artists: Lina Cossette, Peter Dennis, David Forest, Eckhard Freytag, Damien Mammoliti

Brass: Lancashire is the recent Roxley re-working of the original Brass designed by Martin Wallace.

I have played both the original (with the horrendous artwork) as well as the new one, and this game is amazing.

And this is from somebody who doesn’t really care for economic games.

I am very bad at this game (which is where the “doesn’t really care for economic games” comes from) but it’s still a lot of fun.

In this case, you are building things like coal mines, iron mines, cotton manufacturing places, etc and trying to get a bunch of victory points from buildings that have been used. Buildings are used when you either ship cotton from them to a port (which also uses the port if its a player’s) or use all of the iron or coal from them.

The two phases are cool because you go through the deck once during the Canal phase, only able to build canal connections between the various cities.

Then, once you’re through the deck, you do the Rail phase where you’re building railroads instead of canals. You have to rebuild all of those connections because canals aren’t a thing anymore.

This is a game where you really have to plan ahead (something I’m not good at, which is why I suck) in order to convert your buildings at the right time and/or use the resources on it.

I like that you can also “develop” technologies, which removes them from play and makes your remaining stuff even more valuable. If you build Level 1 buildings, you will score them at the end of the Canal Phase, but then they will disappear.

However, if you build a Level 2 or above building in the Canal Phase, it will stick around and score points in both phases.

It’s a very intricate game.

As in most Wallace games, loans are quite prominent, but they’re not as punishing as in most other Wallace games.

Yes, your income will go down, but you can build that back up again with no problems. Unlike games like London where they just cost you end-game victory points if you haven’t paid them off.

Because it’s an economic game, it’s not something that I will request. However, it’s a game that I do like playing and will willingly play if it comes out to the table.

#17 – Concordia (Rio Grande Games) – 2013

Designer: Mac Gerdts

Artists: Marina Fahrenbach, Mac Gerdts, Dominik Mayer

Concordia is a game that’s hard to describe. You are trading in the Mediterranean (sorry, Tom) but you are establishing trading posts in various cities around the map (depending on which map you use, it may not be the Mediterranean). You’re moving your traders (either ships or on-foot people) from city to city and paying for the right to put posts there.

Each map is divided into regions and you will be getting points depending on how many regions you are in.

The thing is, points are determined by the cards that you have and have bought. If you spread out among different regions, maybe you want to have a lot of cards that score based on regions.

But maybe you have a lot of cards that are based on how many cities you have that produce something other than bricks? Then you want a lot of cities and it doesn’t matter where they are.

That way, you are actually in control of how you score, but those cards are also your actions so if you limit yourself, you may not be able to do everything you want to do.

It’s quite intricate and I love how that all fits together.

This is another game that I’m not good at, though I did actually manage to win it once.

But all of the mechanisms just come together in a brilliant design that I’m more than happy to play when it comes to the table.

#16 – 7 Wonders Duel (Repos Production) – 2015

Designers: Antoine Bauza, Bruno Cathala

Artist: Miguel Coimbra

This is the 2-player version of the brilliant Cathala design 7 Wonders, where you aren’t drafting cards but instead taking them from the table where they are arranged in a certain pattern (based on which age you’re in).

This is a game that I played my friend’s copy and then I finally got a copy in a math trade and played it three more times.

On your turn, you will be taking a card from the center tableau and either adding it to yours, discarding it for money, or using it to build the Wonder that you have.

Thus, you’ll hopefully have resources that you can then use to build the buildings that you take (like the Apothecary above requires one glass resource).

You go through three ages of this, with varying layouts of more powerful cards in the 2nd and 3rd ages.

Instead of “winning wars” with military and getting points for those like in the original game, this 2-player version has almost a tug-of-war aspect to the military as it goes back and forth on the military track when players build a military building or wonder.

The only points for the military track are at the end, depending on where it ends up.

However, if you neglect military while your opponent goes strong in it, and the military marker ends up all the way on your side of the track, you immediately lose.

So watch out!

There is also a Science victory depending on whether you’ve built or achieved all of the science symbols. That too ends the game immediately.

Most of the time, though, you’re struggling back and forth for points and will get to the end of the 3rd Age so both players tally up their points.

This is a very fun 2-player version of 7 Wonders and, as the ranking indicates, it’s almost better just because it’s more interesting. You’re not having to keep track of 3-5 other players and what they’re doing (not that you can consider what the player 3 spaces away from you is doing when you draft a card, but still).

I’ve played with the Pantheon expansion once and it’s fine. I’d have to play it again to really have an opinion on it.

And supposedly there is another expansion coming soon as well.

I really do like this game and I’m happy I finally took the plunge and got it in the math trade. If it wasn’t left in the office when we all got told to immediately start working from home due to COVID, I’d be playing it with the wife right now!

#15 – Terra Mystica (Capstone Games) – 2012

Designer: Jens Drögemüller, Helge Ostertag

Artist: Dennis Lohausen

And now we come to Terra Mystica. This game is very interesting but also makes my brain hurt.

The game is fairly straightforward, but it also just breaks my head because there is literally no luck (except the order of the end-of-round scoring tiles). You choose your race, you choose your starting point on the map, and then you decide (along with all the other players) on what you’re doing, where you’re expanding, and what types of buildings that you’re going to put out on the board.

I find the energy mechanic really interesting, where if you build a building that’s next to other player’s buildings, they can spend victory points to get energy.

Energy is very important in this game which is why I’m really bad at it. I have trouble using my energy in the right way and getting it when it’s good to get. I find myself spending a lot of victory points to get the energy because I find other ways to get energy very restrictive.

A number of my friends are much better at this game so when I play it, it’s definitely in a “try to get better” mindset because there’s no way I’m going to win.

Then again, I haven’t played it on the table since 2015, so maybe that’s where the problem is?

I’ve played the app a few times, but my two plays of this were really in the early part of my game-playing career. Maybe I would be better at it if I played it again now, with a bit more experience under my belt.

I enjoy this game well enough. I’d like to try again now that I am more of a gamer, but we’ll see if that happens.

I also haven’t played with any of the expansions, so that would be cool as well!

I wouldn’t mind playing this again just to see how I feel about the game now that I have a bit more experience. Admittedly, my two plays were when I was pretty new and I had no idea what I was doing.

I’ve played the app a few times and also on Boardgame Arena, but that doesn’t really count.

#14 – The Castles of Burgundy (Ravensburger) – 2011

Designer: Stefan Feld

Artists: Julien Delval, Harald Lieske

Ah, yes, the Feld classic game. Anybody who knows gaming is aware of this one, even if they don’t like it for some unknown reason (sure, they say why they don’t like it, but it doesn’t make any sense!).

I have a 3-player game of this going on Boiteajeux.net at all times with a couple of friends. We’ve played it 83 times now, plus any plays that I’ve had on the table, and it’s just a go-to game for me.

There’s something about rolling two dice and trying to figure out what to do with them. Do you get tiles off the board? Do you put tiles from your sheet to your player board? Do you sell stuff? Or maybe (if you’re unlucky and haven’t planned well) just use it to get more workers?

It has a nice dice mitigation option with workers, but if you use all of your workers quickly, you find yourself a bit stuck.

Yes, the artwork is bland and it’s an older game so some newer gamers may find it a bit boring to look at.

There’s a new edition out, but to me it looks more garish. I like the simplicity of the artwork in this version.

The mechanics, though, are just so cool. You roll two dice and then do stuff with them. If you have workers, you can adjust those dice, but otherwise you just try to fill your board and fill up full sections of your board. The victory points for full sections are dependent on what round it is as well as how many spaces are in that space.

It’s a Feld classic and it’s well worth that #14 ranking. In fact, I’d almost say it should be higher.

I should get it to the table more often rather than just online, though.

#13 – Spirit Island (Greater Than Games) – 2017

Designer: R. Eric Reuss

Artists: Lots!

What a streak of games that I’ve played! This one I’ve played once, and I wasn’t a huge fan of it, but I’d play it again.

Basically in Spirit Island, players are “gods” of the natives of an island that is being colonized by a malevolent force that is trying to expand and force out the natives.

Yeah, this is definitely an anti-colonialism game.

In the game, each player represents the natives of this particular island trying to resist the colonial forces that are trying to spread their evil influence throughout it. Each player has a unique “god” power that will help you in doing that.

Each turn, you will be trying to eliminate colonists that are already on the island, or maybe strengthen your defenses before the colonists start their own expansion.

I actually enjoyed this game somewhat, but not enough to really try hard to play it again. The anti-colonialism aspect of the game is pretty cool, and the game itself is fine.

However, the app came out on Early Access on Steam and I really had no interest in trying it again.

It’s a fine game, but just not one that grabbed me as much as it has grabbed other people.

#12 – War of the Ring (2nd Edition) – (Ares Games) – 2012

Designers: Roberto Di Meglio, Marco Maggi, Francesco Nepitello

Artists: John Howe, Fabio Maiorana

This is apparently a classic game that I’ve never seen.

Also pretty cool is that the art is by John Howe, who also did the art for the Lord of the Rings game, which is getting a cool new anniversary edition.

While the Reiner Knizia cooperative game is about the ring-bearer and the story from the book series, War of the Ring is about the war that’s shown in brief snippets in the books (and was shown more prominently in the film, because you obviously need lots of action and CGI in movies nowadays…but I digress).

This is the war between the Free Peoples of the land and the evil forces of Sauron (the Shadow Armies).

Let’s blurb this thing, because this post was starting to feel lonely with no blurbs.

“The game can be won by a military victory, if Sauron conquers a certain number of Free People cities and strongholds or vice versa. But the true hope of the Free Peoples lies with the quest of the Ringbearer: while the armies clash across Middle Earth, the Fellowship of the Ring is trying to get secretly to Mount Doom to destroy the One Ring. Sauron is not aware of the real intention of his enemies but is looking across Middle Earth for the precious Ring, so that the Fellowship is going to face numerous dangers, represented by the rules of The Hunt for the Ring. But the Companions can spur the Free Peoples to the fight against Sauron, so the Free People player must balance the need to protect the Ringbearer from harm, against the attempt to raise a proper defense against the armies of the Shadow, so that they do not overrun Middle Earth before the Ringbearer completes his quest.”

The cool-sounding thing about the game is that it does incorporate the quest to destroy the ring, just a bit more abstractly.

The game also reflects the reluctance of some of the Free Peoples to fight Sauron, with a political track that shows if a nation is ready for war. Of course, if Sauron up and attacks them, they’ll happily defend themselves (though maybe not effectively? I don’t know).

There are dice involved and the dice can effect what actions you can do, which is also pretty neat. Event cards come up that can change the course of the game, or at least what you have to respond to. These events are from the story and represent things that can’t really be done in the game system itself.

The game sounds really intriguing and I’d love to play it once to see what it’s like.

It says 2-4 players, but I’m not really sure how that works.

I’m sure if I watched a review I would see a bit more how it works and get a better idea of how 3-4 players would play (2 is obvious).

But where’s the fun in that?

If this ever comes up as a chance to play, you know I will be jumping on it.

Though the 2.5-3 hour stated play time is a bit intimidating.

#11 – Scythe (Stonemaier Games) – 2016

Designer: Jamey Stegmaier

Artist: Jakub Rozalski

Scythe is the other big hit game that I haven’t actually played. I see it being played all the time at conventions but I just haven’t actually had the opportunity to play it.

It doesn’t come to game days, and most of the time the games I see at conventions are already starting.

Which is too bad, because it does sound like a very good game (with a few oddities, pointed out hilariously by the Shut Up & Sit Down review)

But it’s a game I want to play, just to see what it’s like for me.

Hey, another game I haven’t played, so another blurb!

“Scythe is an engine-building game set in an alternate-history 1920s period. It is a time of farming and war, broken hearts and rusted gears, innovation and valor. In Scythe, each player represents a character from one of five factions of Eastern Europe who are attempting to earn their fortune and claim their faction’s stake in the land around the mysterious Factory. Players conquer territory, enlist new recruits, reap resources, gain villagers, build structures, and activate monstrous mechs.

Each player begins the game with different resources (power, coins, combat acumen, and popularity), a different starting location, and a hidden goal. Starting positions are specially calibrated to contribute to each faction’s uniqueness and the asymmetrical nature of the game (each faction always starts in the same place).”

I did get into the Scythe beta when it first came out on Steam, but I couldn’t make heads nor tails of the game through the tutorial.

It’s now out on iOS and Android (at least in Canada), so maybe I’ll buy it there and see if I can muddle through it again?

Because I want to try this game.

I don’t know if I want to like it. We’ll see in time.

But I want to try it.

Since I’ve played everything up through Spirit Island, I haven’t had the chance to say this yet!

You know what I’m thinking. Let’s say it all together now.

“Maybe at a convention!”

So that’s it. Another week gone and only one week left! That’s the Top 10 games on Boardgame Geek. I wonder how many of those I will have played?

This week gives us 8 out of 10, with no digital-only games. That makes for a grand total so far of 47 out of 90.

I blasted through the 40-barrier!!!! Yay me!

It’s also frightening to think that I’ve most likely played at least 50 of the Top 100 games on Boardgame Geek.

Is there something wrong with me?

Let me know in the comments.

Wait, that should have been put after this: What do you think of these games? How many have you played? Anything you really want to play? Or hate with the passion of a fiery sun that would give everybody who forced you to play it with them a massive sunburn?

You know the drill.

Posts in this Series:

#100-91 #90-81 #80-71 #70-61 #60-51 #50-41 #40-31 #30-21 #20-11

Boardgame Geek Top 100 - Played or Play #20-11 #boardgames @jameystegmaier @stonemaiergames @AresGamesSrl @GTGamesLLC @RavensburgerNA @Capstone_Games @ReposProduction @riograndegames @roxleygames @FFGames @elizhargrave We are getting close to the end of this 10-week opus, this look at the Boardgame Geek Top 100 games and which ones I've played.

[lady-divine-writes]

Klaine fic - “Need for Speed” (Rated NC17)

Kurt Hummel moves from California to Lima after his dad's heart attack causes them to lose their repair shop. Kurt leaves his prestigious performing arts school and any chance of moving to New York and getting into NYADA. His only other joy in life is custom tuning cars, but his father doesn't approve. Things seem to get back on track when he joins the Dalton Crew as their mechanic, behind his father's back. He'll make the money he needs as long as he can put up with the unwanted attention of Sebastian Smythe. But, how will his dreams change after he meets the head of the McKinley Crew, Blaine Anderson, who decides that winning Kurt Hummel will be his next big challenge?

For those of you who don’t know, this is one of my first and, in my opinion, flagship fics, so I’m doing a little touch-up job on it in preparation for the sequel. I’ll be posting the revised chapters here one at a time to give everyone who wants the chance to re-read it and get re-acquainted with it. It is posted in its entirety on AO3 and FF.net, with the majority of the chapters revised, if you want to go that route, but if you guys could also spread this around, I would really appreciate it <3 The cover for this story was done by the incredible @freakingpotter so you guys should all go and give her some love because she hella deserves it :)

Chapter 1 (2772 words)

Kurt sat cross-legged on his bed, elbows propped on his knees, head in his hands. He felt like crying, and not just a calm, rejuvenating sob, but an all-out, throw-yourself-on-the-floor-kicking-your-legs-and-flailing-your-arms-while-you-wail-like-a-skewered-seal tantrum. He looked around at the worn cardboard boxes piled high in his room, each labeled accordingly - clothes, books, music, Vogue magazines, misc. - all waiting patiently to be unpacked and put away, but Kurt wanted none of it. Unpacking his things and settling in felt so permanent. It felt like giving in. Once he put his clothes in his closet and his books in the bookcase, it would all be real.

Setting his room up would mean he was staying.

It had only been a week since they moved to Ohio from California, and he knew, with every fiber of his being, that he didn't want to live here.

"Give it a chance," his dad had pleaded. "I'm sure everything will work out."

Kurt highly doubted it, but he couldn't really blame his dad - not for his heart attack that caused the hospital bills, which in turn zapped all their savings, or for the recession that started to drag them under so far there was no way for them to recover. No, he couldn’t blame his dad for any of that, but in the end, because of his dad's unwillingness to franchise out, they had lost the shop and had to move to Lima, of all places. What kind of name was Lima for a city, anyway? Lima wasn’t the name of a city. It was a type of bean - a curled, sickly pale, ugly bean that most normal and rational people pushed to the side of their plate and forgot about long after their steak was gone.

That's what Kurt's life in California had been for him. Steak - rich and flavorful, and extremely fulfilling. Kurt sighed with longing when he thought about it. Even for a boy who didn't believe in a God, he had felt incredibly blessed. He had a good life in California. He had friends. He had a future. He was on his way.

Now, here he sat, aging Texas Instruments calculator in hand, trying to figure out how he was ever going to make it out to New York and his dream school NYADA when he was resigned to making ten dollars an hour at his dad's new shop. His dad had already dropped the bomb that with settling the hospital bills, the move, and all their other numerous expenses (which seemed to crop up out of nowhere on a daily basis) he would most likely not be able to help Kurt afford the college of his dreams.

Kurt's only dream.

With a frustrated groan, Kurt tossed the calculator violently to the floor, but the horrid 1960s green shag carpet mocked him by shielding the tiny machine from shattering into a thousand satisfying pieces.

Kurt felt trapped; trapped like some animal that's meant to be free, too big for its cage and dying inside because it will never be allowed to roam. Kurt hated feeling trapped. Trapped was not a life. It almost felt like not living at all.

Two weeks before the start of school, the start of his senior year, supposedly the best year of his young life, and Kurt sat on a metal stool in his dad's shop, begging silently for business to pick up. I'd better get used to it, Kurt thought. With his dad's poor health, Kurt would be spending most of his free time before and after school right here…on this stool…the minutes of his life slowly dripping away. At his last school, Kurt had taken mostly accelerated and AP classes, so he managed to swing getting first period off. Kurt and his dad, Burt, had only one other employee – Mark. To be honest, the man wasn’t really much help around the shop, but he was doing Burt a favor, and he came cheap.

Mark was a friend of Kurt's parents from back in the day, when Burt and Kurt's mother Elizabeth had lived in Lima. When everything had first started crashing down around them and his father was still trying frantically to keep their heads above water, Mark had been the one to suggest that they move back to Lima and start over. He volunteered to do all the grunt work. He found them the shop, acted as liaison to the leasing agent, found them a house they could afford, he even helped negotiate the move.

Yup, Mark was a stand-up guy.

Kurt hated Mark. He hated him with a burning passion. Mark seemed to know it, too, because he kept to the far corner of the shop and barely said anything other than ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ to the livid young man.

Kurt would never tell his father, but he resented wasting what remained of the summer rotating tires and doing oil changes; not that there seemed to be anything more interesting to do in that Podunk town. It's not that Kurt didn't like working in his dad's shop. He actually quite enjoyed it. He wasn't very fond of getting dirty, but he liked working on cars. If his dreams of New York and NYADA didn't pan out, being a custom tuner wouldn't be so bad. His dad disagreed. Burt Hummel definitely did not appreciate the street racing culture the way Kurt did. Far from it. It had been mortifying back home when his dad would turn away boy racers, especially in California where custom tuners made all the money and little shops like Hummel Tires and Lube were steadily going out of business.

Kurt had built his own car almost from scratch – a 1999 Mitsubishi Eclipse. A friend had helped him buy the body at auction. After that, he scoured junk yards for the parts he needed, putting the car together practically one piece at a time. Once it was completely constructed, he traded some transmission work with a local painter who taught him the fine art of detailing. It took an extreme amount of patience, but in the end it paid off in spades. Kurt loved his car, and with the exception of his voice, he had never been prouder of anything else in his life. As much as his father hated the thing, Kurt had spent his own money on it, and his dad couldn't really complain much. His son had done an excellent job putting it together. Besides, Kurt didn't race. He just liked cars...and the guys who drove the cars.

Ding, ding.

Kurt looked up, a little surprised by what was rolling into the shop. Four boys, about his age, in white tank tops and blue jeans, pushed a silver 300ZX through the bay doors. Kurt smiled. 'Now that's what I'm talking about,' he thought. Hot guys and a hot car. Maybe today wouldn't suck so hardcore after all.

Kurt quickly made his way over to the group before they could realize their mistake and split.

"Hello, and welcome to Hummel Tires and Lube," Kurt recited cheerfully.

Ugh. That sounded lame, even to his own ears.

His father demanded that he greet every customer the same way. Personally, Kurt didn't know what was wrong with just saying, 'Hello,' or maybe, 'How may I help you?'

"Hello," a tall, Asian-looking boy said, wiping his brow with the back of his hand. "I wonder if you could help us."

"Okay," Kurt said, eyeing each of the boys in turn. They all smiled warmly at him.

"We've been trying to get this guy up and running for the last month or so," a blond boy said, patting the hood of the silver car fondly with his hand. "I've got big plans for her."

"Yeah," a slightly shorter, dark haired boy, with light skin and bright eyes, agreed, "but the problem is it's making some strange noises, and it doesn't seem to have the pick-up it should."

Kurt nodded his head thoughtfully as he took in the information, trying his utmost to appear calm and professional while at the same time praying to anyone who might be listening, whether Kurt believed in them or not, that his dad didn't come back from his break before he had the chance to get this baby on the lift and put his hands on it.

"Just out of curiosity," Kurt said when the boys had finished, eying the car from top to bottom, "why did you stop in here? I mean, we're not really a custom car shop."

"Well," the last boy spoke up, "our regular mechanic sort of bugged out on us, and we saw the Eclipse out front..." The boy motioned over his shoulder to Kurt's car parked out front. Kurt had forgotten to bring the cover he normally kept on it, so it sat outside in the shade. Parked beside his dad's pick up, it kind of stood out with its crystal blue paint job and silver lightning vinyl graphics down the side. "We thought someone in here might be able to help us."

"Yup," Kurt said with a nod. "That's my baby. Took close to a year to get her up and running."

"That's hot," the Asian boy, evidently the leader of the group, commented. "Are you rolling NOS?"

Kurt smirked.

"Not if my dad's asking."

"Gotcha," the boy said with a wink.

"So, can you help us?" the blond boy said, eyes wide and hopeful.

"This is a '96, right?" Kurt asked, and the boys nodded. Kurt crossed his arms and tapped his chin with his right index finger, going over what he remembered of the schematics of the ZX engine in his head, scrolling through several possibilities, and troubleshooting the problem mentally. "Well, your variable cam timing's probably dropped, so that's most likely where you're losing horsepower. And the ZX always makes a lot of interesting noises. I'd have to take it around the block to see for myself..."

The sound of a door slamming shut and heavy shuffling footsteps caused Kurt's mouth to go dry, his heart to sinking into his stomach.

"Hey, dad," Kurt called, already feeling defeated.

"Hey, kiddo," Burt said, walking over slowly. "What's going on here?"

"I'm with some customers," Kurt said, turning his head and fixing his father with a tense smile, willing him with his eyes to turn around and walk back into the office so Kurt could fix this car. His dad didn't seem to understand facial cues. Burt circled the car and the group of kids slowly, examining them uncomfortably.

"300ZX?" his dad asked thoughtfully. "What's the problem?"

"Possible cam timing problem and a couple of odd noises," Kurt rushed out. "I was just about to take her around the block to make sure."

His dad nodded. Kurt had seen this dance before, and he didn’t hold out much hope that the outcome would be different this time. On the other hand, his dad didn't look overly concerned with the presence of four boys surrounding an obvious racer car in his shop. Kurt might just be in the clear.

Burt leaned in closer to the car’s roof and peered at the paint, green eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"Is that an aftermarket silver flake?"

Oh crap...

Kurt sighed and dropped down onto his stool. He knew where this was headed...right out the door with the rest of his hopes, his dreams, any chance of making some decent money, and the possibility of a social life.

"So, you kids running NOS?" Burt asked, looking the car over. Three of the boys looked at each other, exchanging nervous looks, but the boy that Kurt made out to be the leader didn't seem at all intimidated by Kurt's dad.

"Yes, sir," he answered, smiling politely.

Burt maintained a roughly unreadable expression, but Kurt knew his dad, and he knew the grim look in his eyes. This whole deal was about to go sour.

"You guys street racing around here?"

"Yes, sir,” the boy admitted. “And may I say that your son here seems to really know his stuff. We were kind of hoping he could help us out. We have quite a few cars, and we're in the market for a new mechanic.”

Kurt perked up immediately. Did this guy just compliment him? And he was offering to bring them business? His dad couldn't say no to that, right? Kurt side-eyed his father shrewdly. He knew how his dad felt about street racing; that it was dangerous and illegal. He also knew that these kids could give them business, good steady business. Heck, the profit they could feasibly make on some of the import parts alone could pay for his first semester. Kurt sat straight as a rod, bouncing slightly, pleading with his father, but only in his head. Here it was, Kurt going to New York and living the dream, as long as his dad made the right decision.

"I'm sorry boys,” Burt said finally with a determined shake of his head, “but I don't think we can help you."

"Dad..." Kurt hissed.

"No, Kurt.” Burt turned to his son with a look on his face that emphasized that his decision was final. “Now you know how I feel about racing." Burt turned his attention back to the boys with the car. "It's dangerous, and I will not promote it here in my shop. Besides, I don't think we offer the kind of services you guys are going to be needing anyhow."

"But, dad!" Kurt argued, desperately trying to give it one last go, to make his dad see reason.

“No, Kurt. Now I've said my piece. Why don't you gentlemen take your car and run along?”

The blond boy deflated almost as much as Kurt. The Asian boy nodded to his crew, and they started to push the car back out of the garage. Kurt’s cheeks flushed with anger and embarrassment. He glared, shooting daggers at his dad as the man, without a single other acknowledgement to his son, turned and headed for his office. After he locked himself away, Kurt watched the four boys maneuver the 300ZX carefully out of the bay. There it went; another opportunity rolling its way right out the door. Another time his dad could have made things right for them, but instead he chose to let his stubbornness and inability to change get in the way. If his dad thought they were going to get anywhere doing tune-ups and oil changes at a paltry $30 a pop for the rest of their lives, he was sadly mistaken. Kurt couldn’t take it anymore. His dad had told him to give it a chance; that everything would work out, but from where Kurt sat everything looked exactly the same.

This couldn’t continue to be his life. It just couldn’t.

He decided then and there that he was sick of watching his future be decided without him even getting to have his say. Kurt watched as his dad rounded to the office, heading to the back of the shop, then sprinted out of the bay and ran after the boys.

"Hey!" Kurt called. “Wait up!”

The Asian boy turned around, a knowing smirk on his face.

"What's up?"

"I can do it." Kurt glanced over his shoulder to make sure his dad didn't notice his absence and come looking for him. "I can fix your car, and any other one you want to toss my way."

"Really?" The boy looked him up and down. "And what about pops?"

"Let me worry about him." The words came out before Kurt could stop them. He felt guilty about disrespecting his dad, but not enough to give up on his dream. "Can you come back later? Maybe after we close?"

The four boys looked at each other, the blond one’s face lighting up with unbridled joy. Then the three boys looked back at their leader. After a silent moment, he nodded.

“We can do that.”

Kurt exhaled with relief.

“Bring it by tonight. I can have it done for you in an hour. Two tops."

"We'll bring it by at around 7. The races start at 10. And if I like the job you do, you can come with me and my crew. You can be our mechanic."

"Great," Kurt said.

He watched the group limp their silver car away, and while he did he weighed his options - the chance of his ultimate success over his father’s inevitable disappointment.

He shoved aside the bitterness that came with considering his dad’s point of view and returned to the shop, trying not to look too overjoyed.