#well sort of I guess
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House Herz
Ever wonder about Cleopatra's family before she met Hector Dovecote? Well, ponder no more!
House Motto: Cor Aut Mors - Heart or Death
Amongst polite society, House Herz is best known as an avid patron of the arts. A great number of art collectors and curators make up their house members and it's unsurprising to see their name in a museum wing, art gallery or even auction houses.
In other circles however.... their name holds a different meaning. For a price, they can fetch whatever you desire. Should it be money, information, or even a life.
Quick Note:
This focuses primarily on the main line of House Herz.
Siblings are presented eldest to youngest, from left to right.
Mentions of death - some more unsettling than others (ie. carved hearts, dismemberment, child death.)
Pre-Dark Days
Note: Hector is alive at this current time-point.
TBOSAS-era
Fun Facts!
In Romulus' generation, his father named his sons after the mythological founders. His daughters were named after Roman Empresses (that suffered damnatio memoriae - Valeria Messalina and for Statilia Messalina).
Both Endymion and Clemensia are the youngest of their generations.
Areia had twins (Circe and Calypso), their father is unknown and nobody is in a rush to look for him. She also took in Prometheus when he was a baby. Was he kidnapped? Nobody knows.
Romulus-centric facts:
Prior to his ascension as head of his house, he was arranged to marry the then-current Head of House Phibbs, who was thrice his age.
Not wanting that life, he tried to run away with his first love (a Whimsiwick from a cadet branch). Unfortunately, his sister caught them and they were stopped from escaping. For his audacity, his family had him punished â his lover was tortured to death and he was forced to watch his lover's heart carved out of their chest.
Had his son, Alexander, with a man whose name remains forever hidden from everyone else. Rumoured to have been his first love.
Romulus picked his own name upon ascending as Head of House Herz.
Married Levana Cardew after helping her get rid of her wretch of a husband. Adopted Cleopatra a few years afterwards.
Deaths in the family:
Romulus is alleged to have killed his way to become head of the family. He is also rumoured to have killed Levana's first husband.
Pre-Dark Days
Mr. Herz - in a gambling den fight, someone stabbed him. While the stab itself was unfatal, the blade was coated in poison.
Valeria - an ex-lover killed her, carving out her heart for display.
Cadmus - he and his spouse unexpectedly passed when the pufferfish they were sampling was improperly prepared.
Creusa & Jason - Cadmus' children were lost in a house fire that same night Cadmus and his spouse perished.
Deukalion - drowned while yachting in 4.
Medus - caught in a gang territorial dispute. They found his head in an alleyway, but the rest of him was never recovered.
With the deaths of his father and his siblings, Messalina Romulus Herz was the only one left of the main branch to succeed as head of his house.
closer to TBOSAS era
Bellona's husband died during the Dark Days - thought to be torn apart by a pack of wild dogs. His body was found partially consumed and an arm was missing.
She may also be following in her Aunt Cleopatra's footsteps. Currently on her third marriage.Â
~~~~~
If interested in Cleopatra and the Dovecotes - more lore HERE
#oc: cleopatra dovecote#cleopatra's family - house herz#dovecote family thoughts#well sort of I guess#listen there's a reason that they think the dovecotes are a crime family#and part of it has to do with cleopatra's family#mentions of death and violence#dismemberment... child death... carved hearts#also that crest was the closest I could get to a leopard crest in heraldry#capitol family lore#capitol family trees
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If my mom sees a significant amount of blood she gets lightheaded, and has fainted on some occasions. Once it happened when we were kids, I wasn't there to witness it but I heard the story from my dad. Basically my brothers, around 7 or 8 at the time, were playing outside while my mom was making their lunch, and she accidentally cut her finger. It wasn't anything serious, but it drew a fair bit of blood and she passed out. My dad saw this and rushed over, but he didn't really know what to do so he just sort of started slapping her to wake her up (not recommended, but he had no idea and panicked)
At that exact moment my brothers both came in from playing, and all they saw was our mom unconscious on the floor and our dad slapping her. So, like, without even saying a word to each other they both just INSTANTLY start whaling on him, like, full blown attack mode to defend our mom. Which obviously didn't help the situation, but she did wake up and everything was fine.
Now our dad says that he's actually really glad they attacked him over what they thought was going on, because it means he raised good boys. And I still think that's true, they're very good boys.
#i think about this story sometimes like yeah I'm proud of them for that too actually. good job baby brothers#they're not babies anymore of course they're turning 20 next year which is crazy#but they're still the type of people who'd do something if they saw something of this sort happen for sure#respectful of women and everyone else too. they're good guys#I'm glad I ended up with them living in my house against my will for like 14 years#anyway i have no idea where i was for all this but my best guess is probably a friends house given the time period#i was always at my besties house lol#i hope she's doing well too actually. haven't spoken in forever...#bestie from greek elementary school... if you're out there... let's get muffins and fanta at the bakery across the street again someday đâŽď¸
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because there is nothing to lose the people saying biden should resign now so kamala can still be the first female president are absolutely right but why stop there? inauguration day is 70 days away let's make "president for a day" a real thing. say "fuck it we ARE going to do the arbitrary quota DEI bullshit you accuse us of" and speedrun first [category] presidents. revolving door type thing.
first female president. first openly gay president. first transgender president. first president who has been to space. first president gamer president. first mime president. just play president bingo and hit as many categories as possible while we still can. make all of trump's #47 merch unusable by forcing him to be the 115th president instead. who cares anymore let's peacefully transition power but do it in the most chaotic hot-potato way possible
#us politics#politics tw#election 2024#joe biden#kamala harris#this is how bernie can still win!!!#like fuck it even let hillary have it for a day since she wanted it so freakin bad#each person pardons the one before and half the action is just pardons#if they're gonna dismantle the justice system as well as all the other systems of government just preemptively pardon anyone#if there's a policy that really needs to get passed just do executive order chain where each new person goes 'ditto'#make everything so frickin complicated to untangle that the trump admin has to spend the first 100 days#just sorting through paperwork#maybe malicious compliance and bureaucracy was the answer all along#'i guess you guys wanna do autocracy but we're gonna make it really irritating for you'
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The BoM side story won't let go of me
#not sure how to tag this#mixed media#?? I guess?#it's mostly watercolor but with a heavy dose of pencils and pastels#and a sprinkle of gouache on top#everyone say thank you to the person who reminded me of this side story#sebaciel#kuroshitsuji#black butler#ciel phantomhive#sebastian michaelis#(well kinda sort of him)#my art
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The day his deal comes due, Sam goes missing.
Dean tells himself itâs nothing, that heâs gotten caught up in some research, some last ditch, hail mary nonsense and that heâs just turned his phone off and everythingâs fine, that he wouldnât do something stupid, that he wouldnât break his promise.
He tells himself that for the first two minutes after he cracks his eyes open and sees the empty bed across from him, and the first time his call goes straight to voicemail, and not much after that. Samâs broken his promises over things significantly less important to him than his brotherâs life.
Dean is dressed and in the Impala five minutes later, heart thudding wildly in his chest. He calls Bobby, Ellen, everyone he can think of, but none of them have heard from Sam, none of them have eyes on him. Sam was with him last night, even if he boosted a car, thereâs only so far he can get.
He keeps calling, keep searching, desperate to stop whatever heâs trying to do, to find him, to see his brother one last time before heâs dragged to hell. To make sure Sam is going to be okay after heâs dragged to hell. But the hours tick down, the sun sets, and he canât find a trace of him. Heâs so exhausted and heart sick that when he goes to call Sam again it takes him a long time to read the number on his phone, eyes swimming, the time not making any sense.
1:03
Thatâs not possible.
Thatâs not â
His phone rings, blocking out the time with Bobbyâs name across the screen, and he answers it but his throat is too thick to say anything.
âDean?â Bobby says tentatively. âAre you â I got an email from Sam. It just said, I mean, didââ
âWhat did it say, Bobby?â he asks, even though heâs sure he knows.
Bobby sucks in a breath at his voice, because he knows just as well as Dean that he should be screaming in hell right now, not answering his phone. âTo take care of you.â
Dean drops the phone, hears Bobby still talking as he grips the wheel and presses his forehead against the back of his hands. This is what heâd been afraid of. This is why he hadnât wanted to mess with the deal in first place. This is the one thing heâd begged Sam not to do.
It's easy to find a crossroad.
The demon is laughing at him when it shows up, wicked grin in a pretty face. âThat didnât take you long, boy.â
Itâs a different demon than the one he delt with, obviously, but Dean figures they all know the same shit, since demons are a bunch of gossips. âThis wasnât the deal. My brother lives and I die.â
âYou traded your soul for your brotherâs life,â she corrects, so amused by all this that all he wants to do is kill her, to exorcise her, to make her scream. âJust like your father traded his for yours. Thereâs no reason Sammy canât make his own trade. Man, but is your family fucked up. Maybe if youâd just settled down like little Sammy wanted, you wouldnât all be bargaining for each otherâs lives like haggling at a flea market.â
âUntrade it,â he snaps. âMy soul for him alive, come on, no year, no waiting, you bring him back and take me to hell right now.â
She laughs in his face. âYou donât have anything to bargain with, boy.â
âMy soul,â he repeats, âThatâs what this is about, isnât?â
âOh, itâs what itâs all about,â she says. âBut Sammyâs a clever boy. You know that, donât you? He didnât trade his soul for your life, he didnât have to. You didnât die. No, he traded it for your soul. Sorry, honey, but your credits been declined.â
At first he doesnât understand. Sam traded his soul for Deanâs, exactly, so thereâs no reason he canât trade it right back. Then he gets it.
She sees the exact moment it clicks, the moment despair and horror sweep across his face too quickly for him to stop them. âThatâs right. Little brother owns your soul now. For some reason he didnât think youâd take proper care of it. You have it because thatâs where he wants it, but no one will be making any deals with you, Dean Winchester. You canât sell a soul you donât own.â
âYou canât,â he has to clear his throat, âyou canât just come in and change things at the eleventh hour-â
âEleventh hour?â she interrupts. âSammy made his deal eleven months ago.â
His mouth is so dry he canât speak.
âIsnât it funny?â she asks, head cocked to the side. âAll this time, the deal heâs been trying to get out of wasnât yours, but his own. Maybe the two of you might have even managed it, except you just wouldnât help, would you? Insisting that he not research, that he not look for a way out, and he spent so much time trying to convince you, coaxing you to talk about your feelings when he knew you were safe, all he because he thought it would make you feel better when he was gone, because he couldnât tell you the truth and talk about how scared he was, so talking about your fear was as close as he could get.â
Deanâs going to be sick. âDonât â please, please, Iâll give you anything-â
âYou donât have anything,â she says, gleeful. âYou want to know why I agreed? The thing that made it just too delicious to refuse? Sammyâs down there, just starting in on an eternity of torture, and all he has to do get out of it is give up your soul. Itâs his, after all, and he can put the original deal back in place any time he chooses. Just one moment of weakness on his end and his beloved big brother will be on the rack instead.â She sighs happily. âItâs almost as good as anything weâre doing to him down there, the knowledge that if he slips up for even a moment then it would all be for nothing. I couldnât have found a way to twist the knife deeper if I tried.â
Thereâs vomit crawling its way up his throat and he has to swallow it down before he can speak. âI canât â Iâll do whatever you want, please, there has to be something.â
She leans forward, cruelty and delight shining in her eyes. âThe only thing you can do is what youâve been telling your precious baby brother to do for the past year. Accept it. Move on. Live a good life so his sacrifice isnât in vain.â
God. How can she â how can Sammy expect him to â
Heâs doubling over, finally upchucking what little heâs ate today, and heâs dry heaving on the dirt when he hears the fading sound of her laughter.
This canât be real. This has to be Hell, he has to be in it right now. He has to be.
#supernatural#sam spends like a couple weeks at most on the rack before pro azazel and therefore pro boy king sam demons steal him away#going wow we're so glad you're in hell and here to take the throne#and sam is like. well. i guess it's better than being tortured for eternity#he rescues his dad and gets such a disappointed look for being in hell that he sort of almost regrets it#anyway 40 hell years later things are mostly in order#so he shows up at bobby's 4 earth months late with starbucks and i don't fucking know an ascot#going hi dean :) you'll never guess what i did on my summer vacation :)#dean is like i am going to fucking kill you with my bare hands (i love you so much)#fandom ficcery
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Thinking of what it must be like to be loved by a ship like the Perihelion. I think it must be a little like being loved by a god. A minor god and one with true personality, a god from a pantheon, with limited power and no claims to be all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving, no claims of being the One True God. And yet, a god. Its mind so powerful it can be present with you and yet in a hundred other places simultaneously, it holds you safe inside of it - or not (as Mother Nature holds us safe on Earth - or not). It can rain destruction when angered or help you if it wishes. Inside of its realm (itself), within its dominion, it sees all, controls all (not other people, but the very ground you walk on, the air you breathe). Outside of it, it can help you if it sees what is happening, but is not in control of everything. If you are within its reach, it is there, present with you always, a voice in your head, a friend (because this god spaceship loves you).
#I don't believe in any gods#but in writing this#I may have come as close as I ever have#to understanding what christians feel when they talk about their personal relationship with god/jesus#i guess at least if you put it like this i can understand the charm#somewhat#anyways#I also have thoughts about what it might be like to be loved by a dragon#in any story where they too are powerful beings beyond mere men#i guess it comes down to that 'powerful beyond mere mortals' sort of quality#the murderbot diaries#martha wells#murderbot
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I find the most interesting difference between Shen Jiu and Shen Yuan isn't "malice" and "kindness" but rather Shen Jiu being a desperate-to-survive sore loser and Shen Yuan being an uncompetitive good sport, and it's interesting to see how their differences kind of flow from those two opposing traits
Both are desperate to survive in their own ways, however I guess you could argue Shen Jiu did everything to secure the life he wanted, meanwhile Shen Yuan idled and idled until fire was put under his ass and he finally had to do something to secure better living standards for himself
You could argue Shen Jiu has a stronger will to survive, but even being alive he didn't seem to enjoy it and be happy all that much. Meanwhile Shen Yuan strives for very little but generally is happy with the bare necessities and choosing to just loudly inflate his complaints about little things instead, which probably endears him to the people around him
#my text#idk just had vague thoughts about their difference in desperate competitiveness#you could also extraplate how being a sore loser didnt lend well to developing friendships or showing vulnerability#which meant shen yuan could just seemingly effortlessly develop sqq's relationships while sj suffered to do the same#maybe that lack of vunerable honesty was why sj failed to save lqg on a meta level#a man as hard headed as lqg wouldnt respond well to such an acidic sort of help that strongly tied to sj's pride and face#even if he wanted to genuinely prevent his death#i guess sj is bitterly saving any face he can#while sy is just embarrassed about losing face in just a cringe way#the ignorant insecurity-feeler vs the enlightened petty cringer. i guess lol#svsss#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#shen jiu#jiuyuan#scumcum
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Ok, it's been a month. It's nobody going to talk about Sun standing on his tips when he's welcoming the player to the daycare?
Look at this ballerina we have right here.
(Video I screenshoted from)
And I don't think it's an animation mistake or that thing that happens when you aren't going to see a part of the character, so the animators just don't animate that part. You can see from the players pov that he sudenly goes a bit taller and then back to standing normally
#sahjhafshjbfkhj maybe I'm the only one interested on this#but a month ago I got hyped over this because for the longest I had a headcanon that Sun can dance very well and bndskjgkalkk#I can only imagine him now doing all sort of ballerina poses while he's presenting something or being sassy ajhbwbkfa#spinning like a ballerina through the daycare#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf sun#headcanon#< I guess I should tag?#help wanted spoilers#help wanted 2#fnaf help wanted 2
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i have decided to break my lack of original posting on this blog to bring you my Thoughts on Rot in Paradise. because i played it as soon as i got up this morning and i have scoured for some opinions after finishing it, and now i have my own!!
(and also i posted this on twitter but twitter has such a Shit wordcount that i'm also posting my things here with More Detail)
so! spoilers under the cut, please go and play the game if you haven't. it takes literally an hour (it only took nearly 2 hours for me because i like voice acting by myself and exploring every nook and cranny) and it's also free. so maybe come back into the tag once you're done.
okay, so i noticed quite a number of people being confused and disappointed on the lack of an explanation for the monster. it's brought up in the story as the central thing driving the plot, but it's never explained on what "she" is, why she's compelling people to eat a ton of fish-related food or hell, metal, and why this doesn't impact June at all.
but you know what I think?
i think that that's the point. the focus of rot in paradise isn't supposed to be on the monster.
yeah, it's the thing that pushes the plot along besides June and the gang going on vacation in this island. it's what's causing that uneasiness from the moment that guy grabs June's arm at the drinks, to the sheer unnerving feeling of witnessing people going to the ocean to get Raptured basically. i know i personally felt a chill when i saw that one dude literally eating chains and the other hauling an anchor, as if they're trying to make themselves heavier so they get taken by whatever She is.
but that's not the main point! the main conflict is about June and her friends.
as people have pointed out, this game is about toxic friendships and relationships! it's foreshadowed in the conversation that June has with the gang about her cousin (which i will also get into), and it carries it through the way her friends are horribly warped by this ocean Creature. June goes on a silly little vacation trip with her friends only for them to become so so different from themselves that they lash out at her and even hit her in McCoy's case.
but she still sticks it out with them. through the whole game, even despite their verbal abuse, despite being slapped, despite them being people that she can hardly recognise. she stays with them for the whole game, up until the point where you are given the two options at the very end. and she could still stay with them.
because they're still her friends. she cares about them even if they still hurt her. from the way June still tells Carmen to tell June if she needs anything after Carmen literally tells her to shut up and leave, the way June worries about Vonnie eating seafood even though she continues to stuff herself despite being implied to either hate or make an active choice to not eat seafood, to the way June still trudges out to sea screaming for McCoy to come back to the shore as he wades further in even after he slapped her until her nose bled.
it mirrors the conversation about her cousin, the reason for why June was looking forward to the vacation. that while she did comfort her cousin through all of it, June clearly says that "they were dickheads, and she should have ditched them a long time ago".
but it's funny, isn't it? that June, an outsider to her cousin's friend group, easily sees the pain that her cousin's friends are causing her, and immediately calls it as it is. that her cousin should have left the second they hurt her.
and yet now, when her friends hurt her, even though this was a quick and sudden change that happened in a span of three days, June still sticks around. her friends are dickheads right now, and we can see that in the way they interact with June, but she still stays.
because they're her friends. and how could she just leave them like this if it's something that's causing them to be this way?
so no, i don't think the monster is supposed to be the main picture. we don't need to know what it looks like, or why it needs to do this to the islanders, or how it's even doing it in the first place. it adds to the scariness of the game, as per the Spooktober Game Jam, sure, but that's not the point. might be a bit disappointing to some, but that's not the point.
the point is about June, and the choice that she needs to make at the end of the game.
it's a choice on whether she chooses to be pulled deeper into the tides and be with the friends who hurt her and will continue to hurt her in this way,
or to leave them to their fates, whether deserved or not, and resurface to a world where she's alone without her friends.
and even though the first choice hurts much more in the long run, doesn't the second hurt even more in the moment? knowing that you're alone at the end of all of this?
even if it is the right choice, i'm sure the pain must be unbearable in the moment.
#Rot in Paradise#Rot in Paradise Spoilers#RIP Spoilers#Studio Investigrave#this game isn't supposed to have a happy ending i'm sure. june's gotta deal with it no matter the ending#also because its not super relevant to the contents (more spoilers in tags)#i also see people speculate on why ryan just upped and went in as well#people say its possibly because he tried helping too much that he got sucked in (which i can see it!)#but also i'm wondering if he was sorta on the fence in terms of being got by the monster?#yeah he was on june's side but there was that moment at the bar with the woman and the metal shrapnel that he went-#âuh don't know about that but it did look like a huge chunkâ. like he's sort of wavering on it?#but also i wonder if june's words on sunday night got to him. where she thought that maybe von mccoy and carmen were right#and that they were wrong. did that get into ryan's head? did he second guess himself?#did he go into the ocean wanting? leaving after giving june one last reminder of him (the jacket) as some sort of comfort?#man i don't know. but this game do be getting the cogs turning.
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SORRY this is MORE dialogue from lucanisâ recruitment quest i just need people to be going through this with me
#combined with the sort of wondering way he repeats âcaterinaâ back to you when you first meet him if youâre not a crow#like itâs something far away he. well. barely remembers#man.#lucanis dellamorte#veilguard spoilers#and even with his memories of her shot through#and a year of imprisonment and torture behind him and a literal demon in his head. he still gets up and goes to work#because she asked!!#because he *heard* that she asked#and she was never even good to him.#rooks line is catastrophic here btw did laugh#oh you dont want to talk about your torturer. thats fine. lets talk about (spins wheel) the woman who used to beat you and withhold food and#water from you#jesus christ rook think of anyone else#i guess they donât know. still!#sorry please excuse all of this.#october is going to be a very normal month for me
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ive been thinking about the red string superstition recently and also sol bufo always and it makes me sick how uncannily caldwell tanner has made sol to perfectly target me personally
(+ cropped versions !)
#naddpod#ba2mia#ba2umia#solum bufo#swag daniels#calliope petrichor#calder kilde#alexandrite#posts by me dot com#okay..... SECRET TAGS RAMBLE!#so basically this superstition is like ... i think a chinese/buddhist/taoist superstition?#ive taken some creative liberties with it... but its mostly accurate to how its been told to me?#but of course theres lots of variations! some more abt bad luck; some say to tie it on the doorknob#etc etc ... lots a variations#i was also rlly interested in the .... weird illogic? of the thing?#like the red attracts and repels spirits at the same time#so thats something i was thinking about with too. red is assocuated with both swag and alexandrite. which to me was kinda reflecting like#i think what murph said . swags place in the wild is in a way. an extension of what he learned from the network#mothership s inextractivle from sol and swags lives. they will always be held doen by it. thats the spirit that will follow them forever#that they choose to hold on too! as much pain as it brought ... some of the experience was worth it#and anyway. theres somethingwrong w me that the minute someone brought up this superstition my brain went#'ohhh just like sol!' < needs to touch grass moment#but i CANT BELIEVE. CALDWELL DID THE RED STRING. AND ITS LITERALLY A MOURNING RITUAL#caldwell keeps accodentally makig that frog ASIAN. to MEEEE!!!!!!#but. anyway. idk. ive always hced sol kept the piece of yarn and it makes me kinda .... what if y let the malicious spirits follow you.#and haunt you. what if its the closest you can get to keeping the person still around#and sol and swag obviously have so much about homes .... so!#(ok. weve reached the pt where maybe nobodys reading? so confession is this is sort of a well. ive just been doodling this comic everyday#after a wake. and it was sort of inspired after realising i was even a bit sad about it maybe. so. idk its about sol but also?#i guess the projection doesnt end at him being asian. hehe. is what i mean. LOL. okay secret tags over . buried lore. dont look here folks)
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A comfort character is where you are the one comforting said character, right?
Haha just kidding but I am indeed inconsolable when it comes to Stan Pines. I needed to give every version of him a hug or ELSE!!!
Bonus under the cut!
You didn't think I forgot about teenage Stan, did you? He needs a hug the most. I just didn't know how to fit him into the comic aogijaigjewwio
#idk how tall Stan is actually supposed to be i just sort of guessed so!!#anyway yeah ive recently come to the realization that if i want to draw myself giving Stan a hug then i darn well can#FREE WILL! ABILITY TO DRAW! HOW I LOVE THEE!#this was really fun to draw actually.#and of course i had to make the wholesome hurt just a bit with the bonus doodle AHA. AHA. AHA.#ANYWAY ERM!!!#gravity falls#stan pines#stanley pines#mullet stan#comic#doodle#sketches#this was really good hug drawing practice tbh. a variety of hugs were given!#idk if there is anything else i should tag. oh well!
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you are umasou
#I watched it today it was so good#im not big on dinosaur stuff but i like how it was used to approach the predator/prey conversation especially when both sides are sentient#instead of just defaulting to well since predators are meat eaters their actions are automatically immoral so their role in the story#has to match. and then when your characters /are/ meat eaters you just step around that whole topic#heart knows he has to kill and eat so thereâs no avoiding it but even he knows he has agency over that#hell he even decided to hunt by himself so umasou doesnât have to see him kill and eat another dinosaur a day after meeting him#and maybe its because itâs a kids movie but it also doesnât make a big show over the act of hunting and eating. it doesnât dwell on it#like yes you can clearly see them ripping into guts minus the graphic details but it doesnt go out of its way to censor it either#its played straight just like hearts mom having more kids like nobody asks who the father is or when that happened cuz it doesnât matter#what matters is she still loves heart and encourages her kids to greet their big brother and they do!!! itâs sweet#Beckon was also an interesting touch bc they make it clear the only reason he doesnt eat umasou is bc he cant and not that he wouldnât#but heâs still a funny and interesting character and that doesnât get in the way of how we see him too much#same for baku he was pretty polite with heart esp from the start when he asks him if hes abandoned implying he would be prepared to#look out for him from the start. and at the end when he decides to spare him. I dont hate him at all hes just intimidating#you are umasou#doodles#I wanted to draw smth more detailed but I couldnât decide if I wanted to go with the cartoony art style#or smth closer to realistic?? so this is like. some sort of compromise I guess
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okay so. hear me out. but. au concept--
joel is one of many people affected by a Vanishing. its a phenomenon sweeping the country--people simply not showing up for work, school, life one day, as though they've vanished from the face of the earth. it's almost possible to mistake for normal missing persons cases, if it weren't for the way a few of the higher-profile Vanishings have happened to people who shouldn't have been able to vanish at all, let alone in a way that wouldn't be noticed until too late. look at joel's hometown. the people monitoring the dam were supposed to be redundant, and yet--
anyway. not like he cares or anything, except for the fact this stupid disaster or whatever has left him without anywhere to live or anyone to live with, and he still has a year of high school left, so he can't just do whatever he wants. luckily there's this school in a town called new hermiton that agreed to give him a scholarship to finish his education in the name of recovery and solidarity or whatever, and it's kind of a shwankier school than he'd normally go for, but it's free and, more importantly, they're willing to pay for his lodging, and he can't really turn that down. and it's not like he has a choice but to upend his entire life now. so packing what few of his belongings survived into a bag and getting on a train and moving across the country to a new school it is, he guesses.
(he's been having nightmares that inexplicably feature swarms of blue butterflies. last time he checked, lakes don't have butterflies in them. although maybe it's a metaphor or something, on account of the butterflies saying stupid stuff about how people who are remembered can't disappear, and even a false world cannot be erased if it's watched over, and how fate depends on him holding people in his heart. thanks for saying the same stupid shitty platitudes his social worker told him, just more cryptically, butterflies. real cool.)
new hermiton, it turns out, is a small city. while new hermiton academy is a newer school, much of the city is older. he's moved into a nice enough flat in an older apartment building. he has another cryptic butterfly dream. he thinks he remembers someone trying to urgently warn him of something, but it's all... shaky. that morning, he goes to the school for the first time. he's greeted by a fellow transfer student, skizzleman, although apparently he already knows some of the other folks in town, and transferred here so he could stay with them. but it's at least someone else in a similar enough situation to joel, especially since joel can just tell by the way people are looking at him that skizz didn't have much of a choice but to be here, either, and best friends with impulse or not, he's on his own too.
so. a friend. maybe this school won't be that bad, even if joel keeps having nightmares, and even if the weather here is weirdly cold for july, and even if his new homeroom professor keeps on looking at him really weirdly. (aren't professors supposed to be better about stupid rumors anyway? what's that mr. hills's deal?)
and then, two days later, he waves skizz off at the end of the school day, and gets skizz's friend, impulse, at his door, desperate to hear that skizz had just come to stay the night in joel's shitty lonely apartment, because otherwise it looks like--come on man. joel's already having a shit time. the universe deciding to go after his one existing friend too? he promises impulse to help investigate that night, in the vain hope that Skizz isn't one of the Vanished. joel gets a splitting migraine trying to follow their path back, though, and they have to stop for the night.
skizz is reported missing the next morning. joel resigns himself to cutting himself off from the people around him, as per usual. then, strangely, mr. hills corners him as he goes home.
"you'll need this," he says, and shoves what feels like a cheap butterfly knife into joel's hands. "uh, remember, trust your heart! you'll know how to use it."
"what," joel says. "hold on. you're supposed to be a teacher. why are you giving me this. i know for a fact my file says i have like, ptsd or whatever, which is stupid, but you definitely aren't supposed to be giving me a knife, you weirdo?"
"you'll know how to use it," joe hills says again. "goodbye! believe in yourself!"
mr. hills sprints behind a building before he has to explain anything else. joel is left standing on the sidewalk holding a knife, staring after him.
so. that's weird as hell. joel shivers in the cold and continues on his way home. the butterfly knife feels heavy in his pockets. he should probably report that guy to his social worker or something, but actually talking to his social worker feels like conceding defeat. joel can take care of himself. he can prove he can take care of himself. just watch him. step one: go out to get ramen because he forgot to buy any food for his apartment.
he sees impulse putting up signs as he eats. impulse looks miserable. joel thinks about how skizz, just in the short time he'd known him, had sort of unintentionally given away that he felt isolated after his mother Vanished. that impulse was a great friend, but impulse didn't understand what it was like. he never really SAID as much, but--
it's not fair to impulse, for that to be the last thing impulse remembered of what was apparently a friend since childhood. and joel doesn't care about any of these guys, but he can still pay his check and go out and help impulse go looking. he's no good at comforting people and doesn't know this guy, but joel had been alone too, sitting on the roof and crying, when the helicopters came.
except when they go back to the path by the school, joel's head starts to hurt again.
he looks up and there's a butterfly.
"hey, impulse, are butterflies common here?" he asks, a little desperately.
"i mean, not really, why?" impulse says.
"uh," joel says, and gestures. the two of them stare as the strange yellow butterfly circles in place.
"okay, so that is kind of weird," impulse admits.
"right?" joel says. "the only way it would be weirder is if it were blue." impulse gives him a look. joel does not explain.
it starts to fly away.
"we should follow it," impulse says, his voice getting a little dull. "yeah. we should follow it."
"what? no! no we should not follow the haunted butterfly, are you nuts?" joel says, but it's a bit too late. (maybe this is what the knife is for: stabbing impulse. it would be an effective method of stopping him!) he chases impulse down, down to the river, where yellow butterflies are swarming. impulse, as though possessed, simply steps into the swarm and falls through them to the water.
joel's, uh, freaking out more than a little bit? he'll admit he's freaking out. he dives forward to try to grab him, only to realize that he doesn't see impulse anywhere.
a single blue butterfly lands on joel's shoulder. "do you hold his heart next to yours?"
"i'm going insane," joel says.
"no heart is meant to be completely alone. do you hold his next to yours?"
"this isn't happening," joel says. "this is like a stupid manga or something. it's not happening."
"there is still time to save them; you must hold your heart strong, or the consequences will be dire. i believe in you."
the butterfly vanishes.
"fuck it," joel says. "if i drown then it's nothing people haven't expected of me anyway."
he steps through the swarm of butterflies.
that night, he drags both impulse and skizz out of the river. they're all freezing cold. shadows and strange, yellowy liquid still cling to all of their skin. also, joel stabbed himself, which like, glad to know that's what the knife was for, apparently, and the scar is warm and comforting. he can feel his--persona, and don't ask him how he knows that--shifting under his skin, under the mark on his hand. it said its name is pygmalion; it says it is a piece of joel's soul.
this is all patently insane. but skizz and impulse are alive and NOT eaten by shadow monsters, so even if they're both a little unconscious, joel takes that as a win.
they lie on the ground outside the river. someone stumbles across them. "well give me some teeth and call me an alligator. you got out on your own," breathes a fellow student clutching a dagger. joel thinks he's in the class across the hall. also--
"what are you talking about," joel wheezes.
"you found it on your own. you can find them?" the student says. his eyes are wide. something in joel's soul recognizes something in the student's. something in joel's BRAIN puts two and two together and realizes why mr. hills gave him a knife.
"no. no, go away, i don't want to be involved in this," joel says.
"well, don't you think it's too late for that?" the student says, and joel passes out. he's pretty sure the butterflies have to be laughing at him. in fact, as though to mock him further, after passing out, he doesn't even get to avoid it forever, because he wakes up in a glowing blue boat. there is a man with white-blonde hair, blue eyes, and a blue outfit leaning over him, poking him.
joel takes no responsibility for punching him. he'd do it again, too, as the long-nosed man sitting next to the unmanned steering wheel welcomes him to the velvet room.
(this, joel realizes later, all rather sets the tone for what the next year of his life is about to become.)
#hermitcraft#joel smallishbeans#smallishsona au#THAT'S RIGHT BABY ITS THE PERSONA AU I WAS WAFFLING ABOUT#because i'm playing p3re right now this is pretty p3 inspired but also expect elements of p4 (my fav) and p5#i. do not know enough about p1 and p2 to be using all these butterflies but FUCK IT WE BALL.#a bee fic#KIND OF I GUESS I'LL PUT THIS THERE.#anyway the idea is that this au is half a crack au and half DEEPLY SINCERE#because the JOKE is that joel hates every minute of being a persona protagonist#but the OTHER bit is that joel is genuinely an extremely loyal guy who would do VERY WELL as a persona protagonist#you just have to drag him there kicking and screaming#(sort of in a very. p3-esque way)
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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Not to be that guy, but... hey he/they trans guys, I just wanna ask. Do you use "they" because it feels right... because it clicks as part of your identity... or because it doesn't hurt as much as she/her, so it must be okay.
And don't just evaluate this for they/them. Evaluate it for he/him as well. "I'm a guy so I have to use he/him" no the fuck you do not. Plenty of guys use they/them. Plenty of guys use she/her. Plenty use it/its/ve/vir/ce/cir and are still men. If he/him doesn't fit, you don't fucking have to use he/him and it doesn't make you any less of a man. You know that... right?
Also before this post starts an argument I am not pissing on he/they pronoun users I am simply reminding all you transmascs that there is no obligation binding you to those specific pronouns... a post I needed to see myself.
#andiv3r rambles#trans#transgender#trans ftm#ftm#trans male#transmasc#trans boy#trans guy#trans man#pronouns#recently noticed a trend of trans guys using he/they for a while before realizing they really don't fucking like they/them pronouns#and just used them out of some weird sort of social obligation of âwell i don't pass as a guy so i'm gonna get called 'they' anywayâ#along with âwell it's better than she/her i guess...â#and like... guys. you know you are under no obligation to use they/them right?#same for he/him âi reeeally prefer they/them but i AM a guy so... i sort of have to use he/him too lolâ no the fuck you don't???#do whatever you want forever dudes.#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbtqia#lgbt+#i made this post because i really needed to see it myself a while back but i didn't#had to have the revelation on my own
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