#well she's fine now anyways-
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He sighed. That’s what everyone kept telling him. Somehow, he wouldn’t have been surprised if Grim told him the same thing. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked.
He got no response. He could sense that Ben had gone. He kept doing that. None of his Masters told him anything. Every single one of them had hidden the truth about his father from him. Obi-Wan had told him that Vader killed his father, Grim had continued to repeat that lie, and Yoda had said nothing at all.
He looked at Grim again. “Why didn’t you tell me, Master? You knew I would find out from him.” He knew she couldn’t hear him.
- As Long As There's Light, Chapter ??: [Untitled Chapter]
for every "🌹" received in my inbox i'll post one random sentence of a random WIP i'm currently writing
#this one kind of has spoilers 😅😅😅#grim's fine i promise (i am lying)#well she's fine now anyways-#or will be#grim and luke#I don't like to tag canon relationships on oc fic posts. so. luke and obi wan#also briefly mentioned luke and yoda but that part doesn't count#fic: as long as there's light#alatl snippets
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AUGH I’d love to see more time looping odile if possible,,,,, how do you think she’d like; “devolve” over each of the acts as compared to Siffrin over time :O
ok im gonna be honest i did like portrait edits months ago and just never finished them. so here you go
act 3:
act 5:
#some of them are still missing... I'll edit this post if I finish them as well#isat#isat spoilers#odile loops au#day 108#isat odile#i'm too lazy to individually export them in transparent atm...#tell me if yall ever need it#edit: I FORGOT TO ANSWER THE QUESTION#I mean yeah technically the portraits work but I do have Thoughts about this#I just think that throughout the loops odile becomes more. annoyed. and irritated#Like by act 3 fighting isn't really amusing anymore#dying/getting frozen is. ah. welp#But by act 5 she's just speedrunning#Just super irritated. like die already i've got variables to test#act 3 frozen is a momentary rest; the break is nice and she knows she can get back next loop; it's fine. act 5 is ugh seriously#tired. annoyed. unamused. what a waste of time#anyways wait how long has it been since I posted#(sees date of last post) OH. um#sorry guys I've been busy job (internship) hunting#will I post more from now on? No promises <3#Thank you for sticking around nontheless... I appreciate all the stuff yall send in my inbox <3#isat au
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Hatchetfield @femslashfortnight Day 1: Make It Sapphic AU
#once again we are ignoring the fact that it is not technically still day 1 where I live#look i am only like 30 minutes off so it's fine.#it's still day 1 in 3/4 of the US so we're fine#anyways here's sapphic Holloween because we all deserve a little bit of that in our lives#Inspired by the incredibly talented Snarky-wallflower#if you are reading this you simply must go check her out#she's an amazing author and a rad person so there are no downsides in lookin her up#but yeah that's crazy i finished two drawings in one day whoa#like i said i've got events back to back to back to back right now#so i've got another drawing to work on for tomorrow#but i'm not doing every day for this one#i've got art fight to prepare for as well#and work stuff to work on#fun fact: the most abundant mineral in the earth's mantle is Olivine#which is this beautiful green color#and even though it is so common#i do not have it in my collection smh#gotta get me some of that#did you know that i love rocks and minerals#i think i will start doing more rock facts because i've got plenty of those#hatchetfield femslash fortnight#holloweane#holloduke#miss holloway#duke keane#butch!duke keane#hatchetfield#nightmare time#nightmare time 2#kim whalen
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charlie brings a certain air of "i COULD care that my gay gf did so many crimes, bi I don't~" to the show that i really love
#hazbin hotel#charlie morningstar#vaggie#chaggie#playing with stills#“what's the problem-” “WHAT IF SHE DOESNt LOVE ME” “charlie her whole life is her loving u” “Oh well everything's fine then~”#i can't believe “and she killed so many ppl” was an afterthought#actually i can#but it's still so funny going back to it#is charlie crying bc her gf is a murderer?#no#it's the trust issues#the self esteem issues#the “nobody else but HER ever really believed in me and now i kno she LIED about something” thing#the “was everything else a lie too” thing#murder?#yeah that sucks too#anyway she's SO HAPPY her gf found out how to do More Killing and is coming home with ALLLL the weapons#XD#charlie i love u#once again u were so real for that
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The moral of the arcane season two act three is that if you're suicidal you should just go ahead and kill yourself
#Why did they give all three of their suicidal characters successful suicide attempts#If it just happens once that's one thing but all three of them#Suicide mention#the arcane spoilers#Before anyone says anything no I do not think they literally meant to say this bit it's kind of. An unfortunate turn of events#Arcane handled so many really heavy themes really well in s1 and then in s2 uh. Well the themes were there#Case in point is season one was like oh let's subtly yet plainly imply it by having jayce and viktor step off a ledge and jinx k#Let herself get blown up by one of her own grenades to blow up ekko to signify her lack of self preservation#And then in season two she goes off to kill herself and vi is like damn alright I'm gonna fuck my girlfriend in her jail cell now#And then jinx literally blows herself up like 10 times and then fall into a hole#The jayvik double suicide wasn't as bad but it still adds to the numbers and man it sucks that a disabled man who fought so hard to live#Just dies anyway#Oh Isha kills herself also but it's a noble sacrifice which makes it fine I guess#Heimerdinger also kind of does it. Listen I know tragedy writers love writing noble sacrifices but like can we calm down for a second#It's possible for people to die for normal reasons also
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me: we are Not going to worsen our life while in a minor depressive episode
the brain: :/
#two things i will now overshare about in the tags:#the number and severity of symptoms i am exhibiting that indicate uhhhhhh#an anxiety disorder that i Don't have. don't want to have please. i fear this.#anyway I'm getting outnumbered. but i am still convinced I'm making it up so anyway#2. bro when u catch a glimpse of ur friends on social media#and the lives they're living and their successes and accomplishments#and ur like damn. yall living out here ?#(and also like. damn. yall feel like u deserve to celebrate yourselves?)#(yall don't feel like a horrible dessicated corpse most of the time emotionally?)#yall is not part of my vernacular i feel the need to say this#hurgle says things#2024 was supposed to be my mentally well year. who the fuck is this#like my depression we are chill i know her. we talk we discuss. we're okay#this new beast though who has been festering in here. i want her to move out............#but i think she might have already set up all her furniture...... and I'm hiding in my room#do u get my metaphors#anyway I'm fine bc I'm used to living like this but i am. unwell.
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Continued in the reblog
#so uhh#might delete this later#but#tumblr friends#tumblr moots#or literally anyone who sees this#im fucking panicking#so my parents are abusive#always has been and always will be#honestly it took a whole process for me to come to terms#with the fact that they are abusive#but anyway#my plan was always simple#i find an international uni#so i get away from them#im literally running away from them#that's always been the plan#and its in motion already#ive already applied to unis#just waiting to be accepted (so i can finally run away)#now i have a younger sister#shes my life#literally#i love her the most#i always assumed#that if i ran away#she would be fine#afterall my parents treat her really well#at least compared to me#but then today
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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s4 episode 4 thoughts
woohoo!! it feels, again, like our separation has been so long, but it has been about… 3 whole days. oh, how i miss the earlier months in which i had time to post episode thoughts every day…
this episode sounds interesting!!! no idea how someone’s thoughts could be captured on film, but we do a lot of disbelief suspension around these parts, with varying levels of success.
wait. hold on. i just saw the description for the episode after this one. what the hell is mulder getting himself into with that. do we need more mulder ex lore? i don’t need that. it doesn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
putting aside my many questions on that matter to focus on what is here in front of us.
(author’s note post-episode: …. woaghhh. scully…)
in all honesty, having processed my thoughts, i think this one was just a LITTLE bit too intense for me. which i recognize is okay, and to each their own. but i need to speak my Truth.
liveblogging commences below
we begin with this sketchy looking dude, who is being rude as hell to a woman putting on lipstick before getting a passport photo taken. god forbid a woman want to serve… then he says to act natural while not acting natural himself. HYPOCRITE!
she goes in for a passport photo and…. she left her money in the car! she must return to this unfortunate man and go get it. but someone is following her….
he did something to her… and she gets back to the car to “billy”, but someone did something to him, too!! he appears to be dead and bleeding from the ear!! then she falls to the ground and tries to crawl to safety, but the mystery man in the yellow rain jacket comes back for her….
and the man in the photo store looks at the passport photos, but despite taking just a standard headshot, he sees the woman’s dying face in the images!!
oh. that is an unpleasant day on the job for such a nice seeming man.
this intro always makes me laugh... i’m sorrrrryyy the ufo pictures just remind me that this show is fundamentally unserious
scully and mulder are rolling up to a town in michigan, while he asks her for any thoughts on the case. it appears this woman was abducted three days ago. and billy was punctured in the brain. yuck.
okay, so her name is mary. and this poor pharmacist…. he has to take people’s pictures, and give them drugs, AND deal with this nonsense
they are at the pharmacy where the “druggist” (they keep using that term which i have never heard before) is showing them his camera, which he keeps under lock and key, and i notice he has some fun candy in the background. but i assume things are not fun at this time for him.
scully wants to see the camera, and mulder takes a step back to let her pass. it kinda looks like he does that thing where he touches her back, but it’s hard to tell. and once again for all readers, that thing where men touch your back is only attractive when it’s mulder to scully and not between some randos!
scully notices something on the pharmacist’s foot, and also that the film is out of date. she is always noticing things. one of her many lovely qualities.
mulder calls the pharmacist “bruno hauptman” and i don’t get that reference so i do what i do best: go to wikipedia. oh! bruno is the guy that was executed for kidnapping the lindbergh baby. i don’t know why i thought that mystery was unsolved. i guess it’s because the article is saying it was a heavily criticized and debated case. huh, a mystery for another time.
anyway, mulder is saying this all tauntingly with his stupid beautiful mulder smile, but scully is saying yeah, this nice old pharmacist doesn’t look like a usual suspect.
but she does point out that the film has heat damage, and a heater is right there�� “so you think that would make it look like she posed screaming for a passport photo?” <- LMAO MAN LET HER FINISH
BAHAHA she is onto nothing 🔥🔥
“plus, the film is two years out of date” “oh” the- the photographic chemistry could have changed” (mulder nodding) “uh-huh” “the- the dyes fade… they… alright, what’s your theory?” <- BAHAHA love that… you have to admit when you don’t know wtf is going on! i had full confidence she would pull something out of her science-y brain, but sometimes you just don’t know!
(this stupid scene had me giggling, as did her face of resignation)
mulder seems to ALSO have no idea wtf is going on, but as they discuss this, a police officer walks in and says they might have wasted the agents’ time…. what does that mean? did they figure it out that quick?
back at the house of the victims, they meet a postal inspector. okay!!! that’s fun and different. and i pause to write this down, and scully is SO beautiful, i actually might blow up. a full on explosion where once stood me is liable to go down. oh my gooooood.
okay: postal inspector is investigating a mail theft. mary had been working at the postal office, stealing people’s credit cards, and her boyfriend was signing them! oh! very illegal. inspector seems to think she faked her disappearance, but mulder points out that would not explain the stabbing of the boyfriend. also, they have this creepy ass broccoli magnet on their fridge which. bleugh. it did not spark joy.
mulder wants a camera from their house, and he finds one! did he just. take a picture of scully…? oh my god. he said “stand back, scully, it’s loaded” and took one… he didn’t even let her pose or anything… that's so cute... even if it's a little weird to use a dead person's camera from a crime scene... he wanted to take her picture
no, i am all wrong, for it appears he is just… taking random photos. because someone in the 60’s once claimed that he could concentrate really hard on undeveloped film and show his thoughts. uh. press f to doubt.
(man, i want to live in that very brief and exciting moment where i thought he was taking a cute little candid of her again… it was so blissful there)
wait. what da hell. he just clicked the camera a bunch of times and it comes up with the screaming mary photo again and again.
oh… he thinks that someone was stalking mary, and the stalker’s psychic energy altered the film by him coming in its proximity. i didn't realize that was how psychic powers worked but i am listening and learning
scully says that these images had to be doctored, which is, again, a reasonable conclusion, but he asks her to “what if” the situation and just think about it!!! just imagine!!!
cutscene to… someone crawling on the side of the road. it’s mary!!! she’s bleeding from her eyes (?) and not responding at all to the police car arriving behind her.
now she is in a stretcher at the hospital that our agents are helping to steer. they are kind like that. she had a “painkiller cocktail” in her system, but that wouldn’t account for her condition. scully orders a PET scan for her, a term i have never heard before. i love when she uses terms i have never heard before.
they’re putting mary in what looks like an MRI sort of thing to look at her brain. whatever it is, it is clearly very bad, as told by scully’s visible reaction and audible declaration of “oh my god”, while mulder looks at her and asks “what is it”?
(and while i appreciate that this is a sensitive moment for our story, mulder not knowing wtf is going on with these medical things always is a favorite trope of mine, 1. because me too, and 2. he is usually such an insufferable know-it-all i love watching him admit when he knows nothing. humility!)
oh my god… “she has been given what’s called a transorbital lobotomy” <- oh that does NOT sound good… it used to be known as an ice pick lobotomy!!! oh my gosh i’ve heard of that one!! ice pick… eye sockets… i can feel myself growing faint…
but whoever did it, did it wrong… who would do a lobotomy without knowing how to do it the right way???
in the machine, mary is mumbling!! she is saying “unruhe” according to the closed captioning, but it just sounds like faint groaning to me. however, given that this phrase is the title of the episode, i venture to guess that it IS in fact relevant.
a policeman bursts in and says there has been a second abduction, and our agents look deeply sorrowful at this news, seeming to know what will happen next if they cannot crack the case.
oh! now we are seeing the new victim, and whoever took her is in fact saying “unruhe”, and other stuff in german! NO! he pulls out a pick…. fade to black.
WHO in this small seeming town speaks german and has a psychic effect on cameras… ?? i hope this can be narrowed down to a slim pool of candidates!!
scully is going into the next crime scene, where mulder reports that a man has been murdered, and his secretary alice taken. this is not good.
mulder has been looking into what that word alice was mumbling means- first in a phone book, but then as a translation, i guess, because it means “trouble” in german.
WOAH, WHAT?
! SCULLY LORE REVEAL ! she took german in college!!! and knows that the word is more accurately translated as “unrest”!
(oh my gosh, i need to get back into compiling lore reveals at the end of each season like i did for s1…. good thing i take such detailed notes so i can go back and do them for s2 and s3)
((we didn’t get a ton in the last 2 seasons, so i thought of doing one post for both seasons- but the organization freak in me wants to do 1 per season, so i’ll go through them again and see what i can find when i get bored someday))
scully hands him a photo from the first crime scene, but mulder says the criminal wasn’t there, because if he was, he would have altered the photos. scully seems annoyed that he’s looking for psychic photos and not crime scene evidence, but he explains that whoever did this has to be very good, and photos may be their only lead since he doesn’t seem to know he is doing it. but then scully sees something and her eyes go SUPER wide… and she says she wants to show him something.
oh! they find a construction company’s logo at both sites. so maybe the criminal worked at places under construction and was able to kidnap the women…? this theory is brought to you by scully.
he says she might be right, but he is going back to DC to get analysis on the photo. she still is skeptical, but he says that since the woman’s time is running out, that’s all the more reason to analyze the one piece of hard evidence they do have, and that he’ll be in touch.
he must have really cared if he said he’ll be in touch, because usually he just runs off to god knows where to do god knows what.
(and how much time would they even HAVE if he has to drive all the way back??? that isn’t a quick trip, is it???)
the same criminal dude from before is now saying stuff in german and taping alice’s mouth shut, while mulder is back in the photo lab sitting practically on top of this nerdy yet attractive fellow, asking for the blurriness in the image to be reduced. and it reveals very scary looking demon things!
mulder sees someone in the back of the photo… and they get a more enhanced image on the face, but it isn’t clear to me who it is. i felt like i was supposed to know who it was, but luckily i wasn't!
scully is ordering people out to canvas and investigate the employees who may have been working at both construction sites. i like when she does that.
mulder and the lab guy figure out that there is a shadow in the background of the photo from the kidnapper. “he’s standing over her, he means to pass judgement on her, like a god” <- an unsettling thing to say, mr. spooky
scully rolls up to one of the construction sites and i’m thinking, oh please, do not get kidnapped, please please, it’s not something we need today. she’s yelling “hello” and no one is answering... but she hears something…..
it’s a… guy on stilts? it’s the foreman named gerry. oh… could he have made the big shadow in the picture his stilts? but he doesn’t sound german…
mulder calls and says the kidnapper’s legs are unusual, either he’s very tall or he wants to be. stilts man?!?! is it you?!
instead of playing it chill upon hearing this news, she hangs up on mulder, and turns to gerry and says “unruhe”, pulling out her gun. but he uses his stilts to jump across the building! only to collapse and fall. his getaway is thwarted as scully tells him to stop or she’ll shoot, and to prove her seriousness, she does so. but i’m not buying he’s the guy!! sorry my queen!!
NO!! I WAS FOOLED, WASN’T I??? she reaches into his pocket and pricks her finger!!! NOOO! it’s a huge pick in there! like we saw before at the kidnapping!!
is she gonna be drugged from that….
(thankfully, the pick itself did not contain the drugs)
they’re interrogating the dude, and he denies everything. i mean, i guess a lot of people could have stilts and a pick at construction sites. maybe they didn't grab the right fellow.
he says that tool is used to start keyholes in the sheetrock and all fixtures. a good excuse…
but he really does seem confused.
however, mulder brings up that gerry was arrested before, for attacking his father with an axe handle until he spent the rest of his life in a wheelchair. OH! this is not promising.
gerry says that he was institutionalized, which mulder reveals was for a schizophrenic disorder. gerry claims that since his release, he had been taking care of his father 24/7, until he passed away in january. well i’m not entirely sure if that makes amends, but i guess it’s better than nothing?
“and how did you feel about that?” asks mulder about gerry's father's death, sounding very much like the psychology expert i sometimes forget that he is. then he reveals that the same year gerry attacked his father, gerry’s sister passed. connected….?
gerry is staring intently back at scully, saying that she looks troubled. oh! do not talk to her that way.
then mulder comes in with the enhanced photo from earlier, and asks if it shows gerry’s father. he seems taken aback, like it really is his father, and then further taken aback when he pulls out the full photo and asks if those demons figures are what he sees when he closes his eyes. this finally gets gerry to crack and say that he knows where alice is, and that she is safe, “from the howlers”. HUH?
(is it bad my thoughts went straight to a howler monkey when he said that? i was thinking man, monkeys do not look like that at all. you and i have seen some different monkeys, gerry. but no, he does not refer to those types of howlers)
a ton of cop cars are arriving in the woods, to find alice, who is bleeding from the eyes, which can only mean one thing in this context. oh noooo. scully seems horrified and as if she is blaming herself
oh, we get a very charged exchange here. she says it doesn’t matter what is in the photos, or if it shows gerry’s dreams or nightmares, because it’s over, and they couldn’t save alice. she starts the engine, and when i think she’s gonna drive off without mulder, he hops in. i bet that guilt that doctors feel when that cannot save a patient is even worse in her than in usual doctors, because she also has to deal with trying to rescue people from crime. :(
gerry is being taken in and photographed by the cops. but instead of a mugshot, when we see the picture, it’s the guy who was taking him in with a bullet hole in his head. oh! so that seems to confirm earlier suspicions on behalf of mulder.
OH NO!! gerry reaches out and grabs the gun from the cop! NOOO!
mulder points out that the image from that interaction showed the man shot in the head, but in reality, he was shot in his throat. so i guess it’s not based on reality as much as his intentions? sure, why not. and scully says there was a robbery at the pharmacy back where the very first photo was taken. no! our druggist friend!
gerry took all of the film in the store and a ton of drugs for more “twilight sleep”, which is a bad sign. i think i’ve seen this film before…
scully thinks that perhaps he was stalking his next victim at the construction site, and i’m thinking, girl i think he picked out his victim alright, but i don’t think she’s in the apartments.
mulder wants to wait a bit for his photo to come out. so he sends her to pull the car around and i’m screaming NO, NO, DON’T SEPARATE, NOT WITH A GUY ON THE LOOSE WHO LOOKED AT HER AND SAID “YOU LOOK TROUBLED” AFTER DOING 2 DIY LOBOTOMIES ON OTHER WOMEN AND KILLING 2 OTHER MEN! JUST WAIT A MINUTE AND WALK TO THE CAR TOGETHER!!!
but she cannot hear me….
NO! as she unlocks the car, a hand from beneath reaches out and pierces her foot with a needle NOOOO… and it’s gerry and she’s going down and NOOOOOO!!!!
AND MULDER PULLS THE PHOTO OUT TO FIND GERRY WAS THINKING OF SCULLY WHEN IT WAS TAKEN!
he is RUNNING after that car. despite his best efforts, even trackstar mulder is not as fast as a car, yet he follows her and screams her name regardless. until he realizes he will not win this race.
back at the police office, mulder is STARING at that photograph, the one showing scully being taken by these horrific creatures known as “the howlers”. he’s asking for any leads, including “does he have a summer house? a winter house?” which could be seen as desperation for answers or mulder being out of touch with how many people grew up with summer houses, take your pick.
OH! in gerry’s wallet was his father’s obituary. and his father was a dentist… and the name sounds german…
so they go to his old dentist’s office, where they did an ad for the pain medicine cocktail he’s been cooking up. and mulder finds a footprint and a missing dentist’s chair.
NO!! scully is in the dentist’s chair at some undisclosed location. waking up to find her arms and legs bound with a pick on the table and gerry in the distance. she’s watching him…. and she says to let her go.
he begins his german ranting that has happened before the other lobotomies, and she… RESPONDS???? in clumsy german??? she says she has no unrest and doesn’t need saving, but he insists she does??? WHAT!!!
good on her for remembering some words after all those years :,)
he says everyone has some unrest, but especially her. she thinks she must remind him of his sister, and they talk about “the howlers”, who live inside your head, and make you say and do things you don’t mean.
so she turns the tables on this, and says maybe there are no such thing as howlers, and maybe he made them up to justify what his father did to his sister, which sets him off further. OH… so she thinks gerry attacking his father and his sister’s death were related. damn… that’s heavy
she tries to convince him that the “howlers” are just in HIS head, and no one else’s, as he approaches with a camera to try and prove they do exist. because cameras cannot lie!!
back at the dentist’s office, mulder appears to be losing it. mumbling about the 6 fingers the howler had in the photos, and yelling “WHY are there 6?” to no one in particular, as if he can find an answer through sheer willpower. one of the cops is asking him what to do while he looks at the obituary and counts five headstones…. and the father makes 6? sure, if that makes sense to you king!
they’re off to the graveyard while scully is still in a mystery location, with tears in her eyes as gerry shows her the photos he took. he takes the photos to mean he doesn’t have much time left, and tapes her mouth… and oh my gosh, i think of what would go down here if i knew she wasn’t gonna pull through… until gerry hears a tapping and MULDER IS LOOKING IN!! YES!!!
gerry is doing this in a camper van! by the graveyard!!! mulder is peeking in, sees a tooth keychain, and realizes she’s in there!!!! he’s yelling her name, and she’s yelling that she’s in here, while gerry tries to hold her down!!!
mulder’s BEATING on the window of the camper with his hands, and when that doesn’t work, he finds a giant metal pipe and SLAMS it into the window, goes in, and shoots gerry. this escalated quickly, but it was almost not quick enough.
mulder asks if she’s hurt, and neither of them say anything as she walks out, with mulder kneeling down to see that the last photos gerry had taken were of himself dead on the floor. it’s a terribly thick tension that reminds me of the ending to irresistible, but without the tension bursting like it did in that episode with her finally revealing her fear to him. i wish that she did it again this time.
scully is doing the episode wrap up, sounding terribly solemn. she is reporting that gerry had written a diary intended as a letter for his father, including the list of the women he hoped to “save”. and her name is the last entry. she has no explanation for the photographs. but she empathized with him, which her survival depended upon.
“i see now the value of such insight. for truly to pursue monsters, we must understand them. we must venture into their minds. only in doing so, do we risk letting them venture into ours?” (said while there are tears in her eyes, as she looks at the photograph of her being pulled by the howlers)
WHAT THE HELL.
okay, so chris carter… you and i need to have some words.
i have a lot of thoughts. perhaps number one: what if mulder had been 5 minutes later… can you imagine him never being able to cope with that….? oh my gosh. oh my gosh. no, i shan’t imagine. but i’m sure they both were imagining it. and that is probably why she couldn’t say anything as she walked out of the camper van. it was too horrific.
second. this was a dark one. i was giggling at first and then it got really dark. lobotomies… are a hard subject.
third. when the writers make the bad guy have a mental illness, i do feel it to be insulting, because we don’t often get a character where a guy with schizophrenia is just a guy doing normal things like working at the store or going to get his oil changed. no, he’s gotta be up to something nefarious. i wish that wasn’t the case and that these episodes didn’t use mental illness in that way, and i understand that things were kind of Like That in the 90’s and arguably still are in media, but it has been observed with distaste.
okay, final thoughts? like i’ve said before, i believe in gender equality when it comes to kidnapping and rescuing, and i hope that will be evened out at some point. i understand that gerry had a fixation on women for his own personal reasons, but that’s the doyleist vs watsonian debate thing. and i want a 1:1 ratio on who goes about saving the day. although the ratio was uneven in s2, i’m not recalling the ratio from s3, and we’re 4 episodes into s4 with a 1:1 ratio. so i hope that overall, the entire series ratio evens out eventually. damsel in distress is gender neutral
i was actually really invested in this episode, probably because it let us look into scully deeper, and also because the stakes were high, the pacing fast, and the horror a new kind rather than a standard serial killer we get in a lot of episodes.
but… while i appreciate that, i’m not sure i can say i enjoyed it, you know? because even a “scully speaks german” lore reveal cannot save me from the feeling of… something adjacent to fear? not horror as in “ahhh i’m so scared” but maybe a sort of horror as in “stop putting her into these fuckass situations, let my girl have a day off” and also a bit of terrible grief in knowing that lobotomies were a very real thing and did untold harm. and to be clear, i’m not saying that fact shouldn’t be explored and discussed, i just think that for me it seems to provoke some intense feelings that make me want some fluff. now.
deliver it. to my door. as we speak. in fact, here is an incomplete list of things i want to read our agents doing in fanfiction form:
apple picking and apple cider sipping, hiking and sharing weird facts they know about the things they encounter (scully will be all “this type of spider has a unique silk production gland” and he’ll be all “this type of wildflower is used to induce hallucinogenic states” while they look at a pretty view), ice skating (can they ice skate? need to explore that), getting ice cream cones, a visit to the beach, decorating for various holidays, a very serious game night- perhaps uno or some sort of trivia where it turns into a real nerd-off, arguing over unsolved mysteries, more implications of them starting a family together if you feel bold and brave, even, but for those who like it more reserved we can just have an aquarium date, watching a meteor shower, scully attempting to understand his fascination with the various sports of the world by tagging along on an anthropological expedition to a knicks game with him, baking, movie theater trip, etc
well! i have gotten myself so enthused at the idea of them doing silly stuff like handing out halloween candy that i have forgotten all about my initial feelings, which shall surely resurface soon when i go through and edit my notes, but you’re gonna sit there and tell me you don’t want to play dolls in your head of them getting hot chocolate together?
canon? what is canon? c’mere, kid. let’s daydream about them eloping without ever having the “what are we” conversation and ignore the suffering
#i learn a lot about myself in watching this show#including apparently what i consider to be just a bit too much#which is fine and it is good to know these things about yourself as a person#but i would like a silly one now please#let me know if you liked it- the pacing or the concept- or if you didn't#i can appreciate that it was a mostly well-written and compelling episode without having to enjoy it yk?#anyway. thinking about them going to the pumpkin patch.#he's from new england... she grew up at least partially in cali. did they have pumpkin patches there? or apple orchards?#this needs to be explored in fic. expeditiously. with a quickness.#ahh... a nice little daydream to think about.#pls feel free to send me fluff fics without any spoilers!!#someone sent me a few early into this blog and i cherish it <3#juni's x files liveblog#4x04#the x files#txf
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#yes those are uyai’s tags in the color theory post like. YESSSS#because at the end of the day.. they are still the same person they used to be before they decided to change for the better.#the past doesn’t define u but. its still part of u. u did it regardless. the person of the past is still u.#LORE SPEAKING: they may have created their own color wheel and decided to do and say their own thing that has nothing to do with i#but they were still the naive and brainwashed angels they most likely pretend they dont exist bc they are not them anymore. but they are☝️#at the end of the day it all goes back to the beginning#IRL SPEAKING: they went thru a looooot predebut so they just dont rlly acklowedge (idk how to write that) their past#or their traumas. or their sins. because its fine they are not the same anymore. BUT THEY ARE! they still are#for example kaia thinks shes ok bc her past actions dont define her anymore. mf killed someone ofc her past will weight her down#despite howww bad she pretends that shes not that person anymore bc she is better now#but well! she still is the same person who killed nari! and thats something she has to accept#amaybe she continues having trouble accepting it bc “current me could never do that”. and well she did anyway!#blahblahblah#whatever that means dulce!#anyway. thats why in their color wheel they aren’t really that different fron their initial color#yeah they changed but they are still the same shade because their principal color is still part of them#this is why i really love the whole nostalgia essence in hiraeth bc it goes well with their lore / irl#ur past will always be part of u even if u forget it. even if u barely remember. even if u think that it didnt happen. thats still UR past#and thats why i luv the time loop concept too bc every new era is a new life but everything is still connected to the past eras#because they are still the same silly little angels 🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧 even if they remember or not!#q.
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sits up in bed. so lana and ema definitely thought they were responsible for edgeworth "choosing death", right?
(the rest of this post was supposed to go in the tags, because it's not very well organised or written, but it got too long so. here are the slightly edited tags for your reading pleasure (or otherwise)):
i was going to make this solely about ema because she's the obvious one with her open adoration of edgeworth, but the thing about rfta is that it goes to great lengths to emphasise the connection between lana and edgeworth as well.
the sl-9 incident showed that lana grows attached to people deeply, hence angel starr's comment on how, when neil marshall died, 'she (lana) felt like her own brother had died.' with edgeworth, i think it was similar but worse. because he's not just a coworker or subordinate who's dear to her. he saved her life. and it cost him his own.
at the beginning of the case, edgeworth says he was mistaken for thinking that lana was always looking out for him post sl-9 (a statement interesting on its own because that's when everyone else says she grew distant), and, later on, he brings ema fingerprinting powder because lana asked him to. then, of course, there's the 'lady luck' comment he makes.
similarly, on lana's side, you obviously have the end of the trial when she says he did well, but there's also that additional moment post-trial where she's the only one to notice — in a group comprising her, ema, phoenix and gumshoe — that he's 'hiding', listening to their conversation. point is, there's enough to suggest that she might have been the nearest thing edgeworth had to a mia; his 'chief prosecutor' to phoenix's plain 'chief'. they're as close as two people can be in a relationship where one of them is constantly lying and the other is von karma's star pupil.
rfta is pretty straightforwardly depicted as the case which solidified edgeworth's resolve to do what he did; i don't think i have to prove that. rumours about him have reached new heights, his car and knife were involved in goodman's murder, he makes an unprecedented mistake in court by failing to connect the evidence room and carpark incidents, thus forcing the chief of police to enter the trial to do so himself, and he's publicly revealed to have relied on falsified evidence to secure a conviction in the sl-9 case, all of which only happened because of lana. jake marshall even claims that from the beginning — that if you trace edgeworth's rumours back to their source, you end up meeting one person: lana skye.
and it gets worse because at the end of rfta, she thinks he's fine!! she literally says, 'i was afraid the pressure would break you, but you rose above it,' and reminds him he's nothing like gant because he's not alone. she leaves the case thinking he will be okay. and then, what, like a week passes, and she finds out that he wasn't, and that he's gone, and it's her fault. even after she was freed from gant's control, even after she had finally stopped lying, she couldn't prevent herself from claiming another life. so much for 'lady luck', i suppose.
and the game reiterates this multiple times. gumshoe states at the start that edgeworth's ties to those higher up in the department have made him the subject of constant rumours, and phoenix says (in front of ema) that he shouldn't be held responsible for the forged evidence because that was all lana's doing, which then leads to edgeworth commenting (again in front of ema) that he feels as though 'something inside him has died.' it all goes back to lana. we can argue and say that it was technically gant's doing that caused all of this, but lana still took actions that led to it. even her complicated friendship with edgeworth isn't spared; it's that closeness between them that exacerbated those rumours. how could she not feel responsible in some way?
and with ema, it's rather obvious, isn't it? if she hadn't gone poking her nose into things, none of this would have happened or come to light. and, of course, she'd never choose anyone over her sister, not for anything in the world — it's simply not a question, but that's the problem, isn't it? it's not a question. it's not some hypothetical moral dilemma. it just is. she may not have killed neil marshall, but she still has one king of prosecutor's blood on her hands. and now she has to live with that. she just. has. to live with it. no matter if he chose otherwise.
moving on from that a little, i think it's actually wild how much of ema's journey to becoming a forensics investigator is paved with bad memories. neil marshall's death and her subsequent inability to testify are what drives her to begin pursuing it, her first proper investigation results in her idol's "death" and when she finally graduates, the person who saved her sister has been disbarred, and she can't even help because she isn't allowed to. all that pain and constant pursuit of her goals, and she's still the same ema skye, still that girl shrouded in darkness, always one step behind the truth, one step a little too late. no wonder she was angry in aa:aj. i would be furious.
#and then like a year later they find out edgeworth's fine and if that happened to me i think i would kill him fr#WKSHDKAHDKS#lana skye#ema skye#miles edgeworth#the skye sisters' relationship with one dramatic depressed prosecutor is something that can be so personal...#ive literally never thought this much about lana or ema ever. they never occupy my thoughts but somehow.#everyone else: man edgeworth's vanishing must have had a real impact on franziska and phoenix. me: what about these 2 side characters who#technically only appeared once in the whole trilogy. in a dlc. what about them.#it's actually so interesting how much lana is set up to be important to edgeworth. phoenix even says she reminds him of mia and when i#first read that i was like ??? bc of the scarf? there's more to mia than a scard phoenix. but then you pay attention to how she interacts#with edgeworth and it's like oh. i see it now. and then she disappears forever.#mind you i dont think she or ema were like. destroyed by the news of edgeworth's supposed passing. not in the way phoenix was anyway.#for better or worse both lana and ema are shown to have a tight hold over themselves emotionally speaking. lana keeps a lid on them for#years and ema is told she might have killed neil by accident and is functional after a brief faint and recess. like those women are strong.#but i do think it would have had a deep impact regardless of how well they were able to cope. like i've said i dont see how it wouldnt.#anyway this concludes my rfta moment. time to go back to being unable to say a thing about susato-san even though she occupies my every#waking moment. if you read all this ily <3#it's also past midnight so if this is all a bit everywhere im sorry
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so hey guys i finished dungeon meshi yesterday and i'm still thinking about it
#ria.txt#i spoiled myself so at first i was like 'this is bonkers wtf are they doing in those last few chapters?????'#but then it was like. yeah. i see#love those ch when it's just clearly putting the squad into Situations#also. izutsumi#what i really liked was how tightly the protagonist and the deuteragonist were wound up in the overall themes#the plot the themes the conflict the characters it was very neatly connected#hence i am also now accidentally invested in whatever going on between laios and marcille#not just platonic not romantic not enemies i just think they work well tgt and deeply care for each other its great watching them develop#it's the leader + most trusted advisor / anxious girlfailure + the annoying freak she's somehow attached to vibes#haha that rabbit chapter with marcille. hahha i was like what the fuck man. it was funny and then boom whump [tears streaming down my face]#those shapeshifter chs were sooo much fun esp seeing other chara's perceptions of each other. stealing that#the changeling ones were great too elf senshi is the fucking funniest he looks sooooooo unserious#marcille's evolving perception with death starting with saving falin and saving the squad and her nightmares of outliving everyone-#-and her dad and her 'temper tantrum' and UGH when at the end she said she was fine with falin not coming back.... WAAA. OUGH.#i think dunmeshi handled the trope of 'prophecy of chosen one becoming king' pretty well and it makes sense why laios is the protag#the worldbuilding is so thoughtful as well i liked seeing different characters with different worldviews interact#very solid and well rounded series wooo#the main 4 has such a fun dynamic together#anyways. dunmeshi au.....#more like borrowing the worldbuilding bc charas are too nuanced for a one to one comparison#ren is like some prince of his own species but he's like 34th in line and no one cares about him so he fucks off to eat monsters#which is why he's both snobbish AND a total freak when it comes to his food taste#false is originally in for the money from ren and plans to scam him but unfortunately the cringefail swag captures her#martyn is Obnoxiously Clueless and thinks he's smart but he's not. he's resourceful but also pathetic and crazy#stress cant cook but she thinks she does so everyone goes (≖_≖ ) when she picks up a pot. they delegate her to killing and chopping duty#the mvp is iskall who keeps on saving everyone's asses and somehow has resources for everyone#i think ren is actually aware false is going to scam him but he has too much money to spend anyway and he thinks shes cool so he lets her??#and somehow she doesnt take the money and run. and goes back to eating monsters w/ the party. everyone is crazy
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day 199
revenge!! a lil outfit swap between destiny and madeline for @meowthefluffy on artfight!
#day 199#year 5#artfight#my ocs#destiny chainsaw#meowthefluffy#REALIZING NOW. AFTER EVERYTHING. THAT I FORGOT DESTINYS HORNS. bro im gonna lose my homestuck cred come on#oh well this is why its good i made destiny a shapeshifter. i can literally always just say she shapeshifted them away.#but also i was rly focusing on her cat features anyway bc they are doing the lil nya pose together#THEY ARE BONDING OVER THE CAT STUFF NOT THE DEMON STUFF. SO ITS FINE ITS FINE THAT I FORGOT MY OWN CHARACTERS DESIGN. DONT EVEN WORRY ABT I
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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been thinking about IM3 a lot lately, and I know I’ve beat this into the ground over the years, but like… did Extremis just fall off the face of the planet in MCU or what
I can’t remember if this is fanon or if it was confirmed somewhere but I read that Tony used it to heal his chest from the arc reactor once he had it removed, so (if that’s canon) he has access to the technology
So like… why didn’t he use it for Rhodey after he got injured in civil war? are there limitations to what Extremis can heal, and it wouldn’t have helped him? did Tony offer it, and rhodey refused?
or did marvel just forget about it?
#so much fucking potential I would have loved to see more about it#like they put pepper through this massive trauma and then ‘oh lol she’s fine now’#I mean I imagine it had a LOT to do with why they broke up in cw but anyway those are thoughts for another time#if anyone has any actual info or insight on this I’d genuinely like to see it btw#my mcu knowledge is pretty rusty these days so I very well could have imagined the bit about the arc reactor#tony stark#pepper potts#james rhodes#iron man#iron man 3#extremis
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...
#ugh. fuck me im so tired. im getting sucked back into that workaholic mindset and now my body hurts and my nerves are fying. but it feels#good to b productive. if only i didnt have to teach and could just work with data :-(#anyway. the last 2 weeks have been good in that i feel like im actually hitting my stride a bit#bc we're seeing cool things in our genomes and its gonna b really fun to explore. and i met with the terrifying#prof who is on my committee to pitch a project for a final in her class and it seems it went over well. it was kinda funny bc we were#meeting and she was like: so how would u tell which gene was lost 1st? the phytochrome or the genes that r triggered by activation? and i#was like: uhhhhh idk. and then my advisor walked by and she grabbed him and asked him the same question and he was like: idk we'll have to#figure it out. which made me feel way better abt not knowing lol. then my superior lab mate asked me a question abt taking confocal images#and i was actually able to figure out what her issue was. and my old advisor was asking me if i knew anyone to ask for using a pam on cyanos#and i was like: here is what i think my advisor would say and linked her a paper. then i asked my advisor and he said what i expected and#linked the paper that id already sent. so im like. ok. ok. maybe i actually sometimes do kno what im doing. sorta.#and then my old advisor said she was so proud of me. and i was like aw. its so funny bc my relationship is so different with my new advisor#hes great but its all very professional. with my old advisor i would text her after hours bc she was a workaholic like me and went on long#car rides and handed out Halloween candy with her. she was more hands on and doesnt have kids so work is her life. its just interesting#so things have been going well. but there arent enough hours in the day. and my committee meeting is in like 16 days. and i am afraid for#that but not as afraid as i was in april when i had a full on breakdown and canceled it the day before it was set to happen lol#itll b fine. i just have to work thru the weekend so i can get my preproposal done. and prey that the fucking splitstree download site will#start working bc i want to do gene networks dammit#unrelated
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