#Why did they give all three of their suicidal characters successful suicide attempts

[cawsket]

The moral of the arcane season two act three is that if you're suicidal you should just go ahead and kill yourself

[spideyxmee]

The Moon's Dark Side Loves Better

A/N: Hi everybody! Thank you for giving time for this short oneshot of a (messed up) scenario I had.

On a serious note, please read in caution. This mildly contains serious topics which I won't specify in case I spoil everything. If you have any trauma or anything in regards to serious and disturbing topics, please proceed with caution or just don't read this at all and move on to the next fic.

Lastly, it is not my intention to hate/bash any canon characters.

I hope you would enjoy it!

socials | ao3 | intro

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Word Count: 3k+

Warnings: Specific traumas I won't specify (please go to the next fic if you don't want to see any), some swear words

Pairing: Lily/Male OC, Jily

Genre: Dark

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Elio Gebber was a normal Ravenclaw with a pure heart. He was always kind-hearted and sweet to everyone he came across. The teachers adored his witty attitude in class and his clean reputation. It attracted a lot of people, even the ones older than him. He had attractive features that could charm anyone, long dirty blond hair, and grey-blue eyes. You could see his confidence in the way he walks and talks.

The students know nothing about Elio's hobbies and personal life. He would let others talk about themselves rather than tell something about him. Others describe him as reticent, while others call him mysterious, but this didn't stop students drool all over him.

It all changed when he showed interest in Lily Evans suddenly at the start of his 5th year. Though he was a year younger than her, he didn't care at all what others say. The news spread like wildfire and eventually alerted Lily's other courter James Potter, who was the complete opposite of Elio. But he was as popular among students.

"He's no match for me, right, Sirius?" James asks his best friend for reassurance that his long-time crush would eventually pick him rather than that "nerd." His best friend, Sirius, offered to bully and threaten Elio until he wouldn't even mention Lily's name. James was mature enough to turn down his offer and be a better man for his love.

"Hi, Evans!" Wearing a charming smile, the sanguine Ravenclaw leaned into a pillar to talk to the redhead in front of him at the Gryffindor table.

"You look wonderful today. Would you mind having some Butterbeer with me this Saturday? I would like to get to know you better."

Lily was staring at Elio, astonished. The whole table chattered, and the event eventually reached the far Slytherin table.

"Damn, that was smooth,"

"Maybe I should take him out, huh, Prongs." Sirius's gay heart leaped, while his group of friends shushed him and comforted the down James while he can only watch as the girl he liked for many years gets taken by a boy below his year. He refused to do his old tactics of aggression and respect Lily's decision.

From all the peer pressure, she agreed to give Elio a chance at dating. From what she knew, he was decent boyfriend material, but she would also like to know other things about him. They met up in the Three Broomsticks and had a successful date. He was nice enough to pay for everything they would buy.

On their second date, they enjoyed playing with the fallen leaves and buying candy at Honeydukes. He had great humor. He asked if she would like a kiss, both knew it was too quick for that, but he presented a muggle chocolate Lily adored called Kisses.

For their third date, a month later, they announced that they were officially dating. Elio knew everything about her. Now it's his turn to share things about himself. He told her that he had a hard childhood and didn't like sharing it with anyone. She understood him and promise to avoid mentioning it in the future.

"Hey, Lily! How are you doing?"

An old friend of hers, Frank Longbottom, approached them while sitting at a table in the Three Broomsticks. He was visiting Hogsmeade for a break from his Auror training. She tried to hug him, but Elio was being overprotective and pushed Frank hard away from her. It was the first time anyone saw him being physical.

"Elio! That is so unnecessary," she pulled the boy back and stared at him in shock while asking herself why he was out of character.

"This is my friend, Frank. Frank, this is my Boyfriend, Elio." She blushed while she helps her friend stand up from the fall. The boy that wore a dark expression didn't even apologize and sat down again. He wanted the other two to sit down and ask questions that sound too protective for other people but seem normal to him.

Frank had to go and was only passing by to say hello. The boys both looked at each other intensely. That wasn't a good first impression with Lily's close friend.

As they walk back to Hogwarts after their date, Lily asks Elio if he was ok and grabbed his hand. It was cold and clenched tight.

A few dates came and go, but it got worse and worse. Elio became more aggressive over Lily's simple mistakes like misplacing borrowed things. He turned into a two-faced idiot that seems nice when people were looking. But when alone with his girlfriend, Elio sounded manipulative and self-centered. He wanted the love of his life to be perfect just for him.

After no time at all, she broke up with him. He threatened her that he would die if she broke up with him, but this didn't work on the bright woman at all. She was over his idiotic tactics and two-faced ass.

She told the whole school about him, but none of the students believe her. Elio became depressed and suicidal, and Lily was the one he blames. The entire school despised her, and rumor spread that she only dated Elio for his popularity and looks. The teachers could only do little for the broken-hearted's well-being. Their respective House heads talked to them he looked in a better state. Lily has no proof of abuse to accuse him.

"Lily, can we talk?" James patiently waited for her to come out of their House Head's chamber. Now is the time to at least comfort her.

"Since when do you call me by my first name, Potter?"

It was hard for her to hold back tears from her talk with Professor McGonagall. The teacher offered to look more into her ex for her. But that's all she can do for now.

"I-" Before he could get to say anything, she attempted to walk away. James went in front of her to stop her and gave her a concerned look. Lily stood straight and raised an eyebrow.

"I am here to say that I trust you and know that you would never lie about what Elio has done to you. You can always come to me if you want to talk."

She doesn't have any reason to trust the toe rag back after what he's done to her ex-best friend in their previous school years. But from what he's done this year and the Shrieking Shack incident, she feels that James is a better person and less of a toe rag.

Weeks went by, and the two talked more and more each day. Elio thought this was preposterous and made a scene breaking down and crying every time he sees them together in public. People around felt sorry for him and criticize the two friends that were soon to be a couple.

The school soon didn't care about the drama anymore and focused on other things, which Elio didn't fathom would happen. He hid and kept a low profile for years.

On his 17th birthday, Elio obliviated his mother to erase every memory of him. His mother, Sharon Gebber, didn't care about her own child. Ever since his mother and father divorced in the summer before his 5th year, his mother abused him. She would often use him as a slave and never notice the achievements that he did so that his own mother would pay attention. This lead to his thirst for recognition in public.

Elio successfully erased her mother's memory so she could fuck off his life. He learned about the power of the spell for a specific plan of his. But clearing his mother's memory was just a practice run.

After he graduated, Elio took a job at the daily prophet to earn some money. People there think he's mental. He credits every team achievement to himself and seeks attention every chance he gets.

And even after five years, he was still not over his "love" for Lily. Elio wanted her to love him since he believes that he deserves her.

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While Lily was shopping for baby Harry's stuff at Diagon Alley, she came across an old friend of hers. Elio was sitting at Florean Fortescue's Ice-Cream Parlour, writing on a notepad about news from Gringotts. She winced as she recalled all the unpleasant memories of him shouting and making her feel bad about herself. Though it was a long time ago, it still left a faint scar on Lily.

When Lily was about to turn away, he looked up, and they met eye-to-eye. He ran up to her and was about to hug her until she stood back.

"Oh Merlin, Lily! How are you?"

She thought of getting mad at him and ignore him for the things he did. But she thought, what if he's changed? He's matured physically, maybe emotionally and mentally too.

"I'm ok. How about you?" She talked slowly, and her voice was softer than usual.

They sat down and chatted for a bit. Lily was clearly uncomfortable, while Elio was very talkative and talked about himself a lot.

"He didn't seem to change a bit." She thought as she prepared an excuse to leave.

"Elio, I think it's time for me to go."

"Oh, you're already about to leave? Why so soon?" he smiled and talked at the same time, looking like a maniac planning. Which he indeed was.

"I have to really take care of my son, excuse me." she grasped her bag hard, trying to hold back the tears as she watched the same smile Elio wore when they dated fade. She left sniffling and wishing that her spouse, James Potter, to be on her side. But he was protecting their 2-month-old son from the dangers ahead.

"Son?" Elio realized that his first love has had a family with another guy. He gave out a psychotic laugh and cried his heart out. People around stared as the adult threw a child-like tantrum.

Lily heard this from far away, but she learned to never look back.

While crying, Elio thought of something. He then chased Lily and decided that it was time for his plan.

He cornered her in a dark alleyway between shops. He covered Lily's mouth with his hand and chanted a spell to stop her from making any noise. He then snatched her wand, tied her feet, and tied her arms behind her with rope from his wand.

"I have wanted to do this ever since I heard rumors of you and that Potter guy's marriage. Now you and he have a child! I can't stand it, Lily. I thought you loved me!" He stopped and scanned around the environment. "Bystanders will notice all my shouting."

"How about we talk at my humble flat here in London. How does that sound?" Elio wrapped his arms around his sweet childhood sweetheart. Lily tried to scream in hopes that someone or anyone would help her. No sound came out of her mouth as she shed tears silently. She fought her best against the stronger, more muscular man armed with a wand she wished she had.

After not long, they apparated together to his flat. To no surprise at all, his place was eerily clean, and the walls painted white. It pretty much looked like a well-furnished white torture room.

"Sit, my love." Elio dragged Lily, holding her arm with his nails sink into her skin. He locked all the doors to keep Lily in his living room as he'll get some water.

When he left, Lily tried to remove her arms and legs from the rope, but she had no luck. She tried to wriggle her limbs out and cut the ropes using sharp objects around. Alas, none of her tactics worked.

Elio returned, seeing Lily with her face wet with tears.

"Oh, love. Don't cry. I'm here. Drink some water." He wore his demented grin again. He was talking to her like nothing happened between them. It was like they were dating again.

She shook her head and bit her lip, making her facial expressions more emotional and angry.

"Wouldn't hydrate, ey? Not drinking water and keeping hydrated is bad for you, baby."

He raised her chin and looked at her face with awe. Lily tried to bite his finger off, but he pulled it away immediately.

"Ah, a little feistier than I remembered." Elio came closer to her lips as he prepared to kiss her. She gave him a painful headbutt, giving both a throbbing headache.

"Ok, Lily. I have had enough. We will come to my room and have some fun playing, won't we?" He sprung to his feet while rubbing his head to relieve the ache. His voice and face were a mix of angriness and excitement.

Knowing what he means, she got to her knees and attempted to talk, "Why, Elio. Please, I have done nothing but be nice to you."

He stopped from pulling her into the bedroom. He sat to her level to meet her eyes.

"That's the point. You did nothing to make me happy." Elio continued to pull her. The chains he used to attach Lily to the bed were ready. The whole room was filled with candles and rose petals, all ready for their steamy night.

"Don't resist me, my Lily! I deserve your love. I need your love." He clenched his teeth, making his words sound hard and scary.

It was the last thing she heard before all of her trauma.

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The morning sun arose. Elio prepared eggs and toast for breakfast without releasing Lily.

"Your bed in breakfast is here, love!" He places the small table on her lap. Elio was covered in bruises which he calls hickeys. The sleeping Lily was the most bruised, not just physically.

Elio obliviated her, confident that he replaced all of her memories with false memories of both of them together, being a happy and normal couple. He didn't know that he messed up.

"If you ever tell anyone about all this, I will kill you and your whole family."

He was removing her chains and undoing the silencing spell when he heard a knock on the door. Aurors arrived at his house for the interview he needed for an article. It was scheduled for 8 pm, but they misunderstood it for 8 am.

While Elio was away attending the Aurors, Lily woke up remembering everything except Elio's face and identity. She did, in fact, hear the mysterious man's threat involving her family. Lily wanted to get out immediately. She found all her stuff and clothes in the room. Luckily with the help of magic, she left out of the window and gently fell to the ground without scraping her already damaged body.

Elio returned to the room after chatting with his guests. He found no one there. He thinks this was mind-boggling and impossible. He prepared all this thoroughly, and he saw no one to blame but himself. The thought of it made him ask his guests to leave his home and throw things around the house.

Lily healed her scars that left unnoticeable traces at first glance and then apparated back to her home. She told the worried Order of the Phoenix members and her panicked husband that she went to her muggle friend's house that had no telephone. She also assured them that she was unable to contact anyone since it was an emergency.

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"James, I'm pregnant."

Her husband celebrated while carrying and dancing with baby Harry in his hands. While he was happy, Lily worried if it was actually her husband's baby she's bearing.

The whole Order of the Phoenix knew. Others say to be careful of this new baby because they know that the he who must not be named is coming for their first child.

While doing an interview at the Leaky Cauldron, Elio looked terrible. Dark circles under his eyes, and he reeked the smell of alcohol. The good-looking young man was nowhere to be found. He worked day and night, punishing himself for losing "his whole world."

He was a workaholic without any motivation for any other things, even the news of Lily's second child he overheard from a random person at the bar.

"I deserve this miserable life. I don't deserve happiness, and most importantly, Lily." he thought after wrapping up the interview and ordering alcohol.

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After a long day of work, Elio didn't stop find stories for work. His workaholic ass made him travel far. He reached West England just for the story about the undiscovered magical creatures around the area.

While searching around a village called Godric's Hollow, he heard a familiar scream. In a house, he saw a silhouette of a woman fall to the floor through a window. Elio wanted to see what happened, but he didn't want to be a suspect. So he covered any trace of him like wearing removing his shoes, wore gloves, and summoned a hairnet. It looked ridiculous but at least he won't be seen by the Aurors as a suspect.

He rushed inside to see James Potter, lifeless. He then realized. Lily must be the woman. He hurried up the stairs thinking about multiple things. "What happened? Will I report this? Who did this? This might make a good story. Is her child dead too? Is Lily dead?"

The first thing Elio saw was a swaddled, blonde infant cooing. Despite the cries of the toddler and her inert mother, she remained calm and silent. The sight of the infant made Elio's heart warm. She looked a lot like him.

His sharp and quick mind made it seem that this little bundle of light that reflected his past beautiful self's features is his own child. The thought pushed his panic buttons. He told himself, "I have made enough mistakes. I let Lily down and abandoned her. I will fix all of them."

Elio left the house with the child, and still, she didn't cry.

He did everything he can for his child. He quitted his job, changed his identity, and started a new life just for his child. He met a woman and he planned to obliviate her into thinking they have a family, and the girl is their child.

Without knowing it, Elio's wand was broken when he chanted the spell. He forgot all his memories that involved Lily, which was a lucky coincidence. The bad things he did to her? Kidnapping Lily's child? All forgotten.

He also forgot his act of acting to be nice and friendly to his "family." Elio's personality changed to match the kind of person he pretended to be.

He's successfully released a magazine of his own. He raised his girl to be better than his old self, even after his spouse died when their daughter was nine. The smart, little Ravenclaw girl loved everyone better than the person she reflected. And after all the bad things Gebber has done before, he helped some hero complete his mission.

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This was the life of Xenophilius Lovegood.

[jbuffyangel]

Something To Live For: Arrow 1x10 Review (Burned)

I’m back! 

There’s a significant time difference between my 1x09 review and this review. No, I did not take a six year long holiday break. It just became too difficult to complete the Season 1 reviews the summer prior to Season 4. So, I decided to complete Season 1 and Season 2 reviews once Arrow was off air.

This means I have not watched 1x10-1x23 in eight years. I nearly forgot everything. Is L*urel still in this show?

She sure is.

“Burned” is the first real snoozer of Season 1, which kind of sets up the tradition of episode 10-15 slumps Arrow suffered nearly every season.  This has less to do with Arrow and more to do with it being a twenty three episode series. There’s gonna be some filler.

This episode still holds significant meaning to me though because it contains the SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR speech. This is my favorite John Diggle speech, which is why I named my blog after it. It is also the first time Arrow declares their mission statement.

Let’s dig in...

Oliver and Diggle

The bad guy plot is the worst part of “Burned,” so let’s just cut to the chase. There was a terrible fire in Starling City years ago. The fire chief recalled his unit but one of his men, Garfield Lynns, insisted the building could be saved. The chief refused to send in any more men and as a result Lynns died. Except, this is Arrow and nobody stays dead. Lynns is alive, ticked, insane and burning firefighters, which leads to Joanna’s brother (a firefighter) getting killed.

Cool? Cool. Moving on.

Oliver is having difficulty coping with the fact the Dark Archer kicked his ass all the way back to the stone age. It was a somewhat embarrassing loss and Oliver’s body wasn’t the only thing bruised. We are gifted a very lovely training sequences of a half naked and very sweaty Oliver Queen to show he is recovered, so his hesitancy isn’t physical. It is mental.

Source: @olivergifs​

Oliver is having a crisis of confidence and is avoiding suiting up like the plague.

Diggle: This guy, the other archer, he got in your head. He took something from you … he took whatever’s in your heart that lets you jump off buildings and take down bad guys.

Oliver worked for every skill he has. It was not gifted by a bolt of lightning. He does not come from an alien planet. Oliver is a weapon honed over time, which includes his superpower. 

Oliver Queen does not fear dying. 

That’s the “whatever” in his heart which gives him the confidence to jump off buildings. This superpower was honed after five years of fighting for survival. Oliver almost died so many times he’s built some kind of emotional immunity to it. It doesn’t freak him out like it would the rest of us.

The darker side of this superpower is Oliver doesn’t care if he lives or dies. Season 1 Oliver Queen is very fatalistic. He’s not suicidal, but he’s accepted death is the price he may have to pay in order to complete his mission. More importantly, he is drowning in guilt and believes death is the ending he deserves.

There’s rigidity in everything about Oliver – from his beliefs to even the way he moves. His posture is rod iron straight and there’s very little movement in his upper body and arms. It’s a physical manifestation of his PTSD. It’s like he’s encased in a brick wall, a tomb of suffering, which makes it difficult to breathe or move. It’s like the act of living is physically painful.

The problem is - Oliver came home and it is having an unexpected emotional impacted on him. He’s been laser focused on this mission, but bit by bit, the feelings he’s long since buried are resurfacing.  Moira, Thea, Tommy, Diggle, Laurel (AND FELICITY) are chipping away at this brick wall. Oliver didn’t adopt this machine like persona because he doesn’t feel anything. It’s because he feels so much, which means even the small holes in this wall are having a profound impact on him.

This all leads to the greatest John Diggle speech in history! Yes, I say that knowing full well Diggle has spectacular speeches throughout the series, but this will always be my favorite because it’s such a universal theme. 

We all must have something that makes life worth living.  This “something” is not limited to romantic love. It can be family, or work or a cause – basically whatever makes you get out of bed every day. It doesn’t have to be just one thing either. In fact, I hope you find many things/people to live for because that means you are living a full and connected life. By that same token, if you don’t have something to live for then you’re not really living. You just exist.

Or in Oliver’s case - survive. He’s known nothing but survival for the last five years. I think he absolutely cares for Yao Fei, Shado and Slade, but that’s exactly why Oliver shut down. He did care for people and it led to nothing but heartache, betrayal and loss. So, Oliver decided to be done with all that and has worked very hard to keep his loved ones at a distance ever since returning home.

He’s been extremely successful at it in many ways because Oliver refuses to share who he really is with anyone outside of John Diggle. So, that’s why it had to be John Diggle to tell him that it was okay to feel again.

Oliver: I’ve been close to death on the island more times than I can remember and I never feared it. Because I had nothing to lose. But when that archer almost killed me, when I stared death in the face then, I thought about all the people I’ve let into my life since I’ve been back – my family, Laurel, Tommy. And that made me afraid. Afraid of what would happen to those people if they lost me. Again. And for the first time in so long I had something to lose.

Oliver may not fear death, but he does fear what his death will mean to those who love him. Like I said earlier - Oliver is not suicidal. If that was true he wouldn’t have fought so hard to survive the island, but that doesn’t mean he’s ready to live. He’s far from it. But this is the first time in a long time Oliver cared whether or not he died. And that scares him.  

Diggle: Maybe you’ve got it backwards Oliver. You think the people you’ve let in have taken your edge. I think it gives you one. Maybe a stronger one even. You can stare down death with something to live for or not. SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR is better.

That’s endgame folks. Oliver’s story is about a man learning to live again. He will collect more and more people/things that he cares about as he walks this road, which means there is more to lose. Losing his life is far preferable than losing someone he loves again.  Oliver can tolerate a great deal of physical pain. It’s the emotional pain that scares the crap out of him. This is why he fights tooth and nail to keep emotions at a distance. It just hurts too much.

Opening our heart to others often means opening our hearts to pain, but that’s not the only side of love. It brings happiness and contentment too. You take the good with the bad. Diggle is trying to open Oliver’s heart to the good.

Is Oliver alive? Or is he just breathing? The answers to those questions make all the difference in the world. A difference Diggle knows will make Oliver an unbeatable weapon.

Lynns: I'm not afraid to die

Oliver: I know. You're afraid to live.

COULD IT BE A PARALLEL?

Methinks yes. It’s interesting “Burned” revolves around fire. Fire is where Oliver’s story began. Lian Yu was about purification, but it was also a rebirth. 

A rebirth we see expanding as Oliver opens up his heart. A fire is lit from within our hero and it’s growing beyond penance, justice and retribution to hope, passion and enlightenment. Oliver Queen is finding reasons to live again. And it will make all the difference for his survival.

L*urel L*nce

If you sense I have less patience with L*urel’s character in Seasons 1 and Season 2 than I did in Season 3 and Season 4 then you’d be right. My opinions on this character changed radically so I’m coming into Season 1 and Season 2 reviews with a Season 8 perspective on L*urel.

Tommy wants a drawer. That’s all. A drawer. Tommy Merlyn is a simple man. Doesn’t take a lot to make him happy. He even wrote a list explaining all the reasons he deserves and needs a drawer. We never see the list, but I’d imagine it looks something like this:

I AM HUMAN PERFECTION.

I did not sleep with your sister.

I am asking for a drawer rather than run screaming to the North China Sea with above referenced sister.

I make you omelets.

I make your character moderately tolerable which is a miracle in of itself.

I could continue, but you get the idea. What’s absolutely ludicrous is OLIVER gives L*UREL relationship advice.

Oliver: Well we're friends.

Me: Oliver, my son, NO YOU ARE NOT. 

At least she had the common sense to scoff at Oliver’s friendly attempt to intervene on Tommy’s behalf. (Seriously, dude just stay out of it. This is wildly inappropriate.)

L*urel was ready to move in with Oliver (even though she knew he cheated on her regularly), but freaks at faithful Tommy requesting armoire access. JFC this woman is a dating disaster zone.

L*urel: I don’t take things slow remember? I close my eyes and I jump just like you. 

My initial reaction to this speech is to call it nonsense. 

I thought this was a case of Arrow telling rather than showing with L*urel’s character. However, upon further contemplation I have reversed my opinion.

L*urel may be a pragmatic attorney on the surface, but we have watched her run the gamut of human emotions week to week. So much so it’s difficult to get a read on the character the writers are trying to construct. (Spoiler alert: they don’t know what kind of character they are trying to construct). One week she loves Oliver. The next week she’s condemning him to hell. L*urel L*nce’s feelings definitely control her.

She has been reckless too, working outside the law, by contacting the vigilante for assistance. A relationship she resumes after telling her father in 1x09 that The Hood is a killer with no remorse. See what I’m saying about the ever changing emotional spectrum?

I’m not saying L*urel having emotions and expressing them is bad. That’s a healthier reaction than what Oliver is doing, but she has been all over the map. It’s less about who L*urel is as a character and more about the writers needing her to react a certain way to make the episode work.

Oliver likes to present himself as a cool cucumber, but he has a rather unpleasant temper too. It may seem like he’s emotionless, but that is just a façade. It’s a cover for the torrent of emotions he keeps at bay.

Laurel: I think that’s why we spooked each other. Our feelings, our fears, they control us. Not the other way around.

L*urel’s “spooking each other” statement is a big line of bull, which we’ll find out later in the season. L*urel was not spooked by Oliver. She was the furthest thing from spooked, which is why she asked him to move in with her.

Oliver wasn’t spooked either. Anytime I reflect on L*uriver I’m reminded of a scene from Sex in the City. Oliver isn’t freaked out by his feelings. He’s just not that into you, L*urel.

The process in which we get OLIVER to realize this and admit it to himself will take much longer, but I can be patient. It’s time will come.

But do I think these two characters are similar? YES. They are too similar in fact. It’s one of the main reasons they don’t work as a couple. This is exactly why Tommy and Felicity are perfect for L*urel and Oliver.  They need someone steady to temper their emotions. 

They need someone happy to balance out their anger. They need someone with a bright light in order to find their own.

It’s also worth noting that Tommy was ready to run into a burning building to save Oliver so GIVE HIM A DAMN DRAWER L*UREL.

Stray Thoughts

Flashbacks were kind of boring. Fyers kidnaps Yao Fei. Oliver saves his own life by accident. Meh

Thea calling Moira out was long overdue. This kid needs a parent ASAP.

Everyone's fall clothing is really adorable.

JUST UNBUTTON THE FRACKIN BUTTON OLLIE.

Merlyn kidnapped Walter right? Or Moira? I seriously don't remember. I don’t think I care either. lol

L*urel: I am not the best example of healthy grieving.

LL has a rare moment of self awareness, which is lovely.

Oliver: I heard what you said to your father. That I'm a killer with no remorse.

L*urel: Do you?

Me: You impertinent little snot.

I like Joanna much better than L*urel and I wished she stayed, but removing Joanna from the show is the first step the writers took to limit L*urel's role. The shift is upon us.

  Not to be unsympathetic, but Moira is starting to rack up the dead husbands.

Thea fantasizing that Walter is cheating on Moira with a stewardess as the hopeful pitch is YIKES. Goodness this show could be dark.

Musings of the Kiddo  

Kiddo: Yeah! He's actually putting his family first!

Me: Settle down. It doesn't last long.

Kiddo: I thought L*urel was gonna find out.

Me: Oh my sweet summer child.

Disclaimer: Any gifs on the blog are not mine. If you would like a gif removed from my reviews, please message me.

If you’d like to support the blog, please buy me a cup of tea!

[ziaxkawaii]

I need a Hero (Kaminari X Reader)

Paring: Denki Kaminari x Reader

Warnings: Depressive thoughts, Attempted suicide, Bad language?

Other: Characters are aged up and most working as pro heroes.

Summary: One step in any direction might seem like such a small distance, but for you, it's just enough to find out what's on the other side. In honesty, you were looking forward to it, but then a certain hero makes you think differently.

~When it came to Denki Kaminaris love life, it was basically none existent.

~As much as he was a carefree, goofy, and fun person to be around, Kaminari didn't really attract anyone's interest romantically.

~When he isn't working, he's most of the time hanging out with friends or meeting new people, be it in a baseball game or at the local park or mall.

~Even when he was at work, he would still meet a bunch of new people on the streets if they stop him and ask him to take a picture with them. He might not have as many fans as his previous classmates, but he still gets recognized here and there and he couldn't be prouder.

~He was happy that he had friends and people that cared about his well being. But there was a voice in the back of his mind, telling him he longed for something more. Someone special to care for, fight for, and love unconditionally.

~Yes, he needed to find a partner. Someone to share his life with.

~Seeing his friends with their girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, and wives made him feel a bit jealous. Of course, he was happy for his buddies and friends, but he too wanted to jump on the train of relationships and he was afraid that he never would. He dreaded the thought.

~Lately Kaminari had been busy with his hero duties. From morning till evening, he spends his time at the hero agency he worked at. Mostly doing paperwork.

~It made Kaminari curious and kind of saddened, how rarely he went on missions lately. For the last three weeks, the only "missions" he did, were patrols. Mainly night patrols because if he did end up fighting a villain on the street, there was a less of a chance of harming any civilians with his quirk.

~He was glad he at least had patrols, otherwise, he would die from boredom.

~At 0.24 AM, Kaminari along with his coworker and buddy, Hanta Sero, are on a night patrol together. The weather was nice and the city seemed pretty calm for a Saturday night. Maybe it was because the night was still young, and the ruckus is yet to start but it didn't bother either of the males to have a little breather. Currently, they were having a quick break on a rooftop.

~Sero inhaled deeply as he closed his eyes. "Man, you really start to appreciate the fresh air when you stay cooped up in an office every day." He commented. Kaminari nodded in agreement as he looked at the bright and beautiful city lights while the chilly cold air tickled his face.

~"Can't say it any better. It feels awesomely great to do something. It has been way too quiet in the office for my liking." He said as he stretched, feeling relief once he heard a satisfying 'pop' from his back.

~"That's right, you haven't been out of the office much, have you."

~"Yeah... it sucks. I kinda wish there was more action going on, it's kind of weird that nothing has been happening lately, it's somehow making me feel nervous." Kaminari admitted as he scratched the back of his head.

~"I feel ya, it is kind of unsettling. For all we know, some villain is planning something dangerous right under our noses and we wouldn't know a thing." Sero jokingly said and then both men heard a short 'ding' from their pockets. Both of them confusingly pulled out their phones to see who had texted them. One look at the text, both males groaned.

~"No way! He seriously can't dump this on us tonight!"

~The one texting them was one of their coworkers, explaining that they had "an emergency" at home and "needed" to leave work early, meaning someone would have to cover their patrol area. Guess who?

~"This is the third time he has done this!" Kaminari complained as he was ready to give the dude a piece of his mind but instead pocketed his phone before he could say something he would regret.

~"We gotta find a way to expose him." Sero nodded. This guy was known for skipping work for the most ridiculous reasons and the other coworkers suffered from it. Not many liked him for this very reason. "Not very manly." As Kirishima once put it when he heard about him.

~"Hopefully in the near future, but for now, we have to go patrol his area too. We heroes can't give the villains an idea that there are parts of the city that they don't patrol." Sero reasoned.

~"I agree, but that's gonna take way more time than what we were scheduled for." Kaminari reminded. "I don't know about you, but I want to sleep tonight." Sero thought for a moment.

~"What if we split up? That way we can get the work done and don't have to spend more time than we have to." He proposed.

~"That's a good idea, but we're supposed to patrol in pairs..." Kaminari muttered.

~"I'm sure it's fine, the city has been quiet the whole evening." It wasn't uncommon for heroes to do solo patrols, but it was always advised to have two-person teams during a night patrol. It was safer that way.

~Kaminari nodded. It was decided that Kaminari would finish their own route while Sero covered the extra. They also agreed that if either of them suddenly needed back up, they would send their location from their watch to the other person, and they would come help.

~It made Kaminari feel more secure. Nothing bad was probably not gonna happen. But if something were to happen, help was only one button press away.

~~~

~Kaminari roamed around the area checking alleyways that seemed shady enough to make sure it was empty, walking past closed shops and businesses and checking the occasional rooftop.

~By now, it has been an hour since Kaminari and Sero split up. It might sound like such a short time to be alone, but for Kaminari, it quickly grew boring. It was almost unreal that nothing was happening on a Saturday night. Or should he say Sunday morning?

~Kaminari walked into another alleyway. Nothing more than dumpsters, trash bags, and mice that ran over his shoes.

~"Ah, damn it!" He exclaimed in a whispering tone as he began shooing the pests away. As he did so, he heard soft humming. He stopped what he was doing and looked around. There was no one there.

~The faint humming kept on going and Kaminari found himself listening to the beautiful tune. He didn't recognize what song it was, but it was beautiful none the less. He spotted a ladder to the building rooftop next to him and he started silently climbing, hearing the humming louder and louder each storey he climbed.

~As he made it to the top, he was expecting to find someone mindlessly humming while they sat on a stool while maybe drinking a warm beverage in the cold outdoor wind. But what he saw made his blood turn to ice and his eyes widen.

~There, on the very edge of the rooftop, stood a young woman, barefoot and wearing a pale yellow cardigan. Their hair fluttered wildly in the wind while they looked all the way down to the street, but they didn't seem to mind as they kept on humming the song Kaminari didn't know, sounding now loud and clear in his ears.

~He didn't know what to do.

~Is that woman about to jump? If so, then how in the world is he supposed to prevent it from even happening? A case like this was a first for him, he has never been in a situation like this and somewhat hoped that he never would.

~But here he was, about to witness death from the front row seat if he didn't do anything.

~The (h/c) haired woman lifted their feet, as though they were going to step over the edge. Out of reflex, Kaminari abandoned his spot on the ladder and dashed onto the rooftop shouting the first sentence that came to mind.

~"DON'T!!!" He stood good five meters away from the girl, but he shouted so loud he might as well been standing next to her.

~The person stopped and lowered their foot back next to the other one. They didn't even flinch when Kaminari shouted. They absentmindedly turned around halfway and looked Kaminari in the eyes.

~Kaminari gulped when the person didn't show any emotion. None at all. They just stood there on the edge like a beautiful porcelain doll.

~"Why are you here?" The woman asked, not blinking once. Kaminari was at a loss for words. What should he say? Should he even say anything? Would that even do anything? The girl waited for his answer patiently.

~"I... I w-was p..passing by and... heard your humming..." Was he making the right move?

~"I see... I hope I didn't bother you." She said nonchalantly. Kaminari immediately shook his head.

~"N-no! I-I thought it was very beautiful. That's why I climbed up the ladder to see who it was..." No... he was making the right move. As long as he's talking to them, they hopefully won't do anything rash. He just needs to keep going.

~"I've heard that plenty of times." She looked back at the city. Shit... What should he say now?

~"H-has someone hurt you? What happened to you? If you want to talk about it, I-I'm here to listen." He dared to take one step forward but not anymore. The woman remained unmoving, this could be a positive sign.

~"How is my personal life any of your concern?... Hero.." Sweat started to drip from Kaminari's forehead. Now he was more than nervous. Was she one of those people who didn't like heroes? Can he handle this by himself?

~Kaminari remembered his watch. He could get Sero here at best in 10 minutes. He would just need to keep her busy. Kaminari was about to push the button on his watch when the woman suddenly spoke again.

~"Actually... Tell me something, Mr. Hero..." Kaminari paused his movements. "Is life worth living, when you are successful in your field of work you love but feel miserable and depressed every single day?" Kaminari lowered his hands, forgetting about the watch completely.

~What did she mean? If you love your work then how can you feel miserable? The stress of success?

~"I guess I can't really answer... I'm happy to work as a hero even when I have a bad day... But, if I would feel I'm unhappy in my agency, I would try another agency to see if I would be happier there." He truthfully explained. The woman nodded softly.

~"That is one way to say it. "Keep trying until you're truly happy." is one of the sentences I've heard a lot. But unfortunately, I can't just do what you would do Mr, hero, that just isn't how it works." She explained in return and then began lightly hopping on the edge as if she was playing a childhood game, which made Kaminari sweat bullets and take more steps closer to you.

~""Three steps forward, smile, come back, lift your hands to your face, and pose." That's how it usually goes. No freedom to choose what you want to do or say in your own damn craft. You just get ordered around and you don't get to decide anything, but they'll still use your name as though you did." 

~She looked at Kaminari in the eyes again. Now that he was closer he could kind of distinguish what color her eyes were. A nice (e/c) that now seemed to burn into his own eyes, the same yellow as the woman's cardigan.

~"Are you now going to say that I'm overreacting? That I just had a particularly bad day today? That I just need to go to sleep, and it will be a better day tomorrow?" It felt like she was taunting him. Daring him to say what the others have said.

~His mind was going in all the directions, trying to figure out how to save someone that doesn't want to be saved. He could easily say that you were just having a bad day because of the short story you told him. But he possibly couldn't. He hasn't seen the whole picture yet. In the heat of the moment he blurted out:

~"No..." For the first time, the woman's eyes widened slightly. She wasn't expecting that.

~"I... I'm in no position to say any of that. I can't possibly judge how much pain you're in if I haven't heard the whole story." He looked down at his feet.

~"I might not know who you are or what you are going through... But all I ask is for you to give yourself more time to maybe talk to someone, one last time. If it doesn't work, then decide what to do." He spoke. He wondered, from where exactly he heard the things he was talking about. He didn't care at the moment, all he wanted right now was for the woman to step down, and away from the roof's edge.

~The woman's demeanor changed. Instead of the blank look on her face, her expression looked... shocked?

~"You... You don't know who I am?..." She questioned, already 80% sure she knew the answer but still wanted a clear confirmation. Kaminari lifted his head from to face the surprised woman and looked at her dumbfounded. 

~"I'm sorry, but I don't. Were you expecting me to?" He asked, trying to figure out if he has seen the woman somewhere before but came up with nothing. 

~"Kind of..." She admitted while she still stared at him, looking like she didn't believe what she was hearing.

~'Is she a girl I met in High school and forgot? Or even in middle school? Why can't I remember?!!'

~'Or is she a...'

~"I'm not a villain if that's what you're thinking, I assure you. Nor have we ever met talked face to face." Like magic, she read his mind, but he was still on the edge a bit which she seemed to sense.

~"If you think I'm a villain, Mr hero, then you can just arrest me now." She lifted her hands in front of her, half-expecting him to actually put her in handcuffs. 

~"No no, there's no need for that! I believe you." Kaminari waved his arms in front of him and stopped once the woman lowered their own hands. "Also, you don't need to call me, Mr hero." He scratched the back of his head embarrassed.

~"What should I call you then? What's your hero name?" He thought deeply for a moment.

~"No... You can call me Kaminari even Denki is fine." He replied confidently and the woman cracked a small smile. It made Kaminari, in turn, to smile lightly, it felt relieving that he managed to make her smile while she was still in a dark place.

~"Alright." She said and hopped off the roof's edge, walking towards a door that held stairs behind it. "It was nice meeting you, Kaminari-kun." Kaminari turned his body to face the departing woman as he slightly panicked.

~"Wha-? W-W-Wait! What's your name?" He asked in a hurried tone. She turned to him.

~"I kind of don't want to tell you." She admitted. 

~"I want to have someone who sees me as for who I am, and not as someone who I was presented as." She finished and left the rooftop, leaving behind a confused Kaminari.

~'What was she talking about?'

~~~

1 Week later...

~Even after a week, the (h/c) haired woman was still in his mind, repeating the last sentence she said to him before leaving the rooftop like a broken record.

~Kaminari didn't tell anyone about the incident. Somehow Kaminari felt like he wanted to give the poor girl a chance to figure things out before involving more people. Then again, even if he did tell someone, what good would it have done?

~He didn't know the victim's name nor her exact address. Plus, no one could force the woman to therapy unless she was breaking the law or causing a disturbance, which she wasn't so his hands were tied either way. 

~Speaking of names, Kaminari was driving himself mad over who she was. In the beginning, she assumed that he knew her but he didn't. She also confessed that they have not met each other in real life, and the way she asked for his name indicated that she really didn't know him. So she wasn't someone who he might've known at one point.

~He also believed that she wasn't a villain, so his options were very limited. How come he can't think of anything?

~"Hellooo...., earth to Denki." Someone spoke from beside him and the said male jumped in his seat. He turned to the owner of the voice and sighed.

~"Wow, for a minute there I thought I won't be able to get you to your senses." Sero joked while chuckling. Kaminari shook his head and turned to his friend again.

~"So what brings you here Hanta?" He asked, trying to get his mind off his previous thoughts.

~"Uhhh... We have patrol remember?" Sero reminded him, already wearing his hero costume and ready to go.

~Oh damn it, he was an idiot.

~"Oh yeah, I remember now! Just give me a sec." Kaminari said as he headed towards the changing rooms. Sero following him.

~"Did you already hear? He got fired this morning...." Kaminaris brain turned on autopilot for the rest of the conversation.

~Before he even realized it, he was already walking down the familiar streets. Alone. What he could remember from Seros explanation was: Since the guy was fired so suddenly, there was no one to do his patrol. So Kaminari and Sero split up again and Sero went to the other route while Kaminari took care of the same one he handled last Saturday night a week ago.

~Last Saturday night...

~Would she be on that rooftop again?

~Kaminari's curiosity got the better of him, and he decided to stop by the apartment building when he got to that part of the area. Just to make himself feel more relaxed when he goes to bed for the night.

~Part of him hoped that the rooftop would be empty and that the person was doing something more mentally healthy, but there was also a 5% part of him that wanted to see the person again. Definitely, not the 'standing on the edge of the roof' way he saw them a week ago, but more like 'they just wanted a breath of fresh air and nothing more' way.

~Kaminari found himself moving faster through the area, while still making sure there was no suspicious activity going on in the middle of the night. Soon enough, he came to the familiar alley and started to climb up the ladder. He peeked from the edge and sure enough, the woman was standing there with the same yellow cardigan. This time, however, she wasn't standing barefoot at the very edge at least.

~She was wearing shoes which was a good sign.

~He made his presence know to the other person by stepping his foot on the roof with stone pebbles crunching under his boots. The person slowly turned around to face him once he walked a bit closer.

~"I wondered if you would show up." She spoke in a half teasing manner, not sounding as hollow as a week ago. Did something happen during this week?

~"Something told me to come and check on you." He told truthfully, not knowing what to else to say.

~"I figured. It must be hard for a hero to accept someone dying so they at least do an effort to see how the person's life is going if they're alive." She mused.

~"Saving and protecting civilians is what we heroes do, we like to see if our actions have made a difference in people."

~"Well, some heroes could surely do a better job if that's what it's about." She commented. Before Kaminari could ask what makes her say such a fact, she changes the subject.

~"But enough about that, instead tell me about your week, Kaminari." She addressed him by his name as she casually sat on the roof's edge, making Kaminari a tad nervous again.

~'Why must she sit so close to the edge?' He grimaced in his mind.

~"You want to know about my day?" He questioned a bit confused.

~"My everyday-life isn't something I much enjoy nowadays, so I'd like to hear someone else's day instead." She looked at him. "Perhaps that would make me feel better." Kaminari hesitantly nodded his head in agreement and started to talk about his day and the past week.

~It wasn't really anything that interesting to talk about to someone, but the look on the woman's face told him differently. They were actually listening to his non-sense rambling and asking questions here and there.

~Maybe working as a hero who likes to joke around and help people with common problems, was by itself more interesting for some, than some other career. But it even surprised him how intrigued the woman was from all the things he had done that week.

~'Maybe she hasn't done things what I have in a long time...'

~After minutes and minutes of talking, Kaminari checked the time from his watch and almost screamed out loud when he read the numbers on the smartwatch.

~"Oh dude! I've been rambling on and on for half an hour! I still haven't patrolled the area!" He exclaimed, already thinking how Sero or his other friends were going to question hat took him so long.

~"Then you should get going, I'm not going to hold you any longer." The female said and stood up. Already walking towards the door.

~"Thank you for chatting with me Kaminari, now I feel less lonely." Kaminari looked at the (h/c) haired girl, now seeing a bit more happiness in her eyes. Seeing it made Kaminari feel better and glad that he decided to stop by.

~"It was nothing, it was fun talking with you." He assured her.

~"Well ain't that nice to hear, have a good night." She lightly bowed her head.

~"Same to you." He responded.

~~~

~Week after another, it became a routine for Kaminari to visit the person who he still didn't know the name of. Both grew quite close during those visits and by now they were very good friends. 

~ After meeting two more times after the second meet up, the (h/c) haired female had proposed that they could see each other perhaps at different times, rather than during Kaminari's patrols at 1 AM. Kaminari agreed and she gave him her phone number so they could text or call each other when they would meet again.

~Since Kaminari didn't know her name, he gave her the nickname Sunflower, due to the yellow cardigan she wears every time they see each other.

~And each time they met, Kaminari started noticing that every day she was happier than the previous day. In the beginning, she only nodded to his jokes, but as time passed, she began to smile more. Fixing her smile from stoic to a small smile and then to a genuine grin was a huge achievement for Kaminari.

~He was proud that he was able to change someone's life for the better. Surely his job's not over, and he doesn't like to refer it as a 'job' since he was doing it because he wanted to, not because he was a hero.

~He mentally made a promise to himself that he'd fix her even if it was the last thing he would do because it would be worth it in the end.

~~~

4 months later...

~"Hey, have you guys heard?" Mina's voice grabbed the attention of all her companions at the table. 

~Her, Kaminari, Sero, Kirishima, and even Bakugou (Convinced to come by Kirishima) were enjoying a cup of coffee at a cafe. It was pretty rare for the old 'Bakusquad' to have a hung out together with all five of them there, but by some miracle, they all either had a day off from work or they had a night shift.

~"Heard about what?" Kirishima asked with his usual happy tone.

~"About the latest celebrity rumor, silly!" Mina exclaimed as she fished out her phone to open the news app, showing it to everyone. There on the screen were countless of articles of the same matter but with different theories.

~'(y/n) (l/n), a well-known song artist is sending love messages to someone with her music videos and interviews!!?'  Read more...

~'Hidden love messages!!? To whom!?'   Read more here...

~'The newest music video by (y/n) (l/n)!!'   Read more...

~"Oh, you're talking about that one singer. Yea, I watch and listen to her music videos, but I haven't really seen anything that would stand out." Sero commented while taking a sip of his coffee. Kaminari raised an eyebrow, as he was confused by what was going on.

~"What are you guys on about?" He asked.

~"Are you joking? It's so obvious that even I realized it after a while. Here let me show you." Mina opened up one of the news articles and started to explain.

~"Before, her music videos were normal and there wasn't anything out of the ordinary for her, but then two months ago the same things kept appearing in her videos, magazine covers, and interviews." She tapped the screen and started playing the most recent music videos published by the artist titled: I need a hero.

~She tapped play and the video started, showing a young woman with (h/c) hair wearing a sparkly black dress and a black blindfold. Though what caught most of Kaminari's attention was the sunflower shaped jewelry/pin on the right side of her chest.

~As the woman sang and moved around, Kaminari saw the same pin also on the woman's hair.

~"She has been either wearing sunflower themed clothing slash jewelry, or she holds an actual sunflower! There isn't a single picture of her without it from the last two months!" She giggled as if she was still in high school. Kaminari continued to stare at the phone as the video continued on playing.

~It was as if his brain had stopped working. 'This has to be a coincidence.' 'There's no way.' Kaminari kept on saying to himself, but it was hard to deny the evidence that lay in front of his eyes.

~The singer looked a lot like the woman he has been seeing for the past four months and even a middle schooler could link the nickname he gave her and the sunflowers together, not to mention her voice. But he still could not believe it.

~Then came the final confirmation. The video shifted from the singing woman to a scene where a man wearing a cape ran and jumped on rooftops, presenting a hero running to the rescue. Then it cuts to the woman standing on another rooftop, singing, and dancing awfully close to the edge.

~"I need a hero!!!         I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light.       He's gotta be sure, and he's gotta be soon, and he's gotta be larger than life."

~Then the singer jumps on the very edge, reminding Kaminari how the woman wearing a yellow cardigan jumped on the edge the same way. And no matter how high of a building she seemed to be standing on, she showed no fear while dancing.

~"I need a hero!!!     I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night.     And he's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast, and he's gotta be fresh from a fight!"

~"I need a hero!..."

~At the final line, the woman leaned back on the edge as though to fall to her demise, but a hand grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her against them to safety. The woman and the hero looked at each other for a moment before they embraced each other in a loving hug. Then the video faded into blackness with a caption:

~"Only one hero can save this sunflower."

~That was all that Kaminari needed to confirm once and for all that, his sunflower, is (y/n) (l/n).

~"Why are you looking so much into shit that might not be even true?" Bakugou commented gruffly and Mina gasped.

~"Because it's romantic and the last video just basically proves all the rumors! There's no doubt in my mind that she has someone she cares about but just doesn't know how to express it! It's basically a love story!" She argued with the ash blond. The blond 'tch'ed and went back to drinking his latte.

~"I admit that your theory isn't completely ridiculous, but aren't things like confessions supposed to be done with only the person they're confessing to?" Kirishima pointed out, kind of surprised that he himself was actually this interested about it. 

~"Who cares!? It's cute!" Mina squealed but her momentum stopped when Kaminari abruptly stood up from his seat and started to gather his things.

~"Whoa, What's the rush Denki?" Sero inquired as he watched as the blond grabbed his phone from the table and started to exit the cafe.

~"I suddenly realized that I have something to take care of!" He called behind him and bolted out of the store to the street. While running, he sent a quick text to his sunflower that he wanted to meet her at their usual spot. He pocketed the device and ran faster.

~He needed to see you. He needed to ask why you didn't tell him the truth. Why you would think that he would see you differently if he found out.

~Honestly at this point he didn't even care if you were actually a villain or a mafia boss, he just wanted answers to his questions.

~Did you like him back?

~Kaminari ran into the alleyway and jumped on the ladder to begin climbing at record speed. Just as he made it to the top, the handle on the rooftop door turned and from behind the door, out stepped you, wearing the same color cardigan as his eyes. You looked semi-happy as you stepped outside, but as you got a glimpse of his own slightly out of breath expression, yours turned into a one of concern.

~"What happened Denki? Is everything alright?" You asked him as you stepped closer to him, ready to hear him out. The said male panted and looked at her.

~"Why... Why didn't you... tell me?" He said between short pants.

~"What are you talking about?" You inquired. Kaminari breathed in deeply and looked into her eyes again.

~"(y/n) (l/n). Your name is (y/n) (l/n)."

~In a half a second, your caring demeanor changed and you looked at the ground with the stoic face you used to wear before meeting Denki. But despite your blank expression, you were shaking as if you were standing on top of a windy mountain while gripping your fists tightly.

~This was it... Now, he is either going to begin geeking out on how much big of a fan he was of your music, or he's going to leave you because he doesn't want the pressure of hanging out with someone who's known by almost every other person in Japan.

~You were surprised how long it took for Denki to finally realize who you really were. In all your videos you wore a blindfold because that's what your manager and producer want you to do. In their mind it makes you look mysterious and "Limited", referring to a limited object that not anyone can get.

~Because of that blindfold, he might've not realized it before. Now that he did, everything's going to go back to your depressing reality that he light up with his goofiness...

~"When did you notice?" You asked him.

~"Just 15 minutes ago, I was at a cafe with my friends and they started talking about this popular song artist." As Kaminari said the last words, he could visibly see you tense up. "I didn't know what they were talking about even after they said her name. Only when I saw her in a music video did I know who the person was." He stepped closer to you.

~"At first I didn't believe my eyes and ears when I saw their (h/c) and heard their voice. I was fully convinced when I saw the ending of the video, where you almost fell from the rooftop you stood on. But a hero came to your rescue and in the very ending, you quoted yourself as a sunflower." He explained and you looked at him in slight confusion. Before you could say anything he speaks again.

~"Why didn't you tell me? Did you think I would leave or treat you differently now that I know your name?" He asked stepping even more closer.

~"I-I... I Don't-" You stuttered while tearing up. "What was I supposed to expect? That's how it always has been..." You shifted your gaze downcast once again.

~"Every person I know or knew, they didn't care about me, they only cared about my fame and how it was going to benefit them if we were a couple or my small crush would leave me once they realized my identity because they could not handle being in the spotlight."

~"The last relationship I was in went just like the first scenario, he trash-talked me and made me feel unimportant. He even said that he didn't care if I took the final step from the rooftop. I was only an art-piece whats sole purpose was to make money, anything I did wasn't about the art anymore, just income." Kaminari slowly began to piece the puzzle pieces together.

~"I somehow managed to make him leave, but things mostly stayed the same about me still being a puppet. That's all I ever am to them, an object. A doll that they can make sing and dance to make a profit, disguising it as "a modern business" or "That's how things go these days." I'm amazed how much bullshit they can spit out from their mouths every day."

~"You are not a doll! You are a human! A person, a living being! Why did you stay in that toxic environment!?" Denki gathered up all his confidence and gently gripped your forearms and exclaimed. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. You were suffering and almost ended your life because of it, but yet, you stayed...

~"Every time I thought of leaving and quitting, I knew my manager and everybody I work with would make my life even more of living hell if I did quit. And after every day, I thought things would get better one day. That's why I kept going, doing my best at being positive that one-day things would change."

~"And comically enough, it somewhat did after meeting you." You confessed. Denki was taken aback by it.

~"W-What do you mean?"

~"Everybody in my life didn't care about my feelings or what I wanted! You were the first person in years who treated me like a friend, a human with problems that CAN be fixed. After meeting you, I felt more confident to speak up and say no to things I didn't want. Two months ago, I even managed to change what I can do or wear in my interviews or videos."

~"You mean the sunflowers?"

~"Y-Yes... You gave me so much confidence that I wanted to have a reminder of you with me everywhere, like a form of comfort." You admitted now leaning on his shoulder while Denki shifted a bit to hug you. 

~"You did that because of me?" He felt like he was now only asking questions and not saying things he probably should be saying, but this was new to him and he didn't know how to deal with it.

~"Yeah..." You nodded. "I felt happy again whenever I thought about you, and I wanted to be truly happy again while I sang. So I fought back against my producers and demanded change. Over time, I actually started to have more power over what I wanted to wear or how I wanted to do my music again. Of course, I had to still do many things the way they wanted, but it was one step forward." Then Kaminari remembered.

"So this was what you meant by what you said back then... You love singing and acting but you felt miserable because you were basically forced to do it how other people liked it rather than how you wanted to do it." You nodded.

"I felt so powerless so I didn't fight back. But then you opened my eyes and told me I can try again!" You looked into his eyes and he could have cried out of happiness when he saw the beautiful and bright smile on your face.

~"I'm so proud of you." Kaminari hugged you tightly and you two laughed together as he lightly spun you around.

~"I'm so happy I managed to save you..." Kaminari mumbled to your shoulder a single tear staining your cardigan.

~"So am I..." You mumbled in return to his shoulder, instead if one tear, you had many flowing down your face as you felt overly emotional and couldn't stop them from coming.

~"Are the news articles true?" Kaminari suddenly asked and you pulled apart.

~"New's articles? I don't really read them." You admitted as you dried your tears with your cardigan sleeve.

~"My friends were talking about the rumor of you hiding love messages in each of your videos." He explained. "And apparently your quote: "Only one hero can save this sunflower." has caused quite the ruckus." He chuckled nervously but found his confidence once again when you smiled at him gently.

~"So, are they?" He asked hopefully.

~"Heh... Looks like I wasn't sneaky enough." You chuckled. "I made that quote to see if you would notice, and in some way you did. Now I am curious, did you like it?" You questioned.

~"Of course I did."

~"Then... Will you love this sunflower?" You questioned again.

~"I'd love nothing more."

~He abandoned all his doubts and went in for the kiss. You happily kissed him back as you hugged his neck tightly while he did the same on your waist and back. 

~The moment felt like time had stopped ticking and in the moment was just the two of you. You, a Sunflower and him, a hero. Both of you wished it would've lasted longer, but the need for air was no longer unnoticeable as you pulled apart.

~"I don't care if you're a popular singer or an ordinary office worker. I want to help you to be happy, and help you forget your dark thoughts." Kaminari confessed. "Let me be there for you when you need me." He practically pleaded, not wanting to let go of the person who he had grown to care deeply about.

~"Only if I can do the same for you." You answered.

~"I love you, my sunflower."

~"I love you too, my hero."

[heatherclowndler]

An Open Letter To the Six Fandom

I'm gonna be real with you guys: I’m getting really tired of the moral superiority of some people in the Six fandom. Six is a barely historically accurate concert-musical where the queens fight about their trauma for an hour, but it’s about white women, so I guess that means that its #girlpower is so much more respectable than Hamilton being representation to POC.

If you think I'm not talking about you, I am, @historemix / @ghostheather . I’m fucking sick of your bullshit. How come every time you get called out for being a hypocritical bully, you have a little meltdown, say you'll be better, and then go back to the same bullshit as before?

Before I actually get into the reasons that you’re a hypocrite and a bully, I want to thank everyone that sent me the screenshots and testimonials used in this post. It’s good to know that multiple people are as fed up and disturbed by this behavior as I am, and it wouldn’t have been possible without you.

Anyways, back to the matter at hand. First and foremost, your obsession with being on a fucking high horse is embarrassing. Your self-congratulatory posts about the Six fandom being so much better than the Hamilton fandom is fucking laughable coming from you, and here's why.

Before you get on about the Hamilton fandom being toxic, and the major reason why you can't fuck with the musical, remember that much of the fandom are people of color: most of whom are also minors. And they’re often the first to be driven out of it– not by harmless headcanons and fanfics or kids being "cringy”, but racist, toxic ass adults, colorism, whitewashing and constant harassment. Black fans, minors especially, would be the first to tell you this, since there’s been multiple incidents on Tumblr and Twitter where Black fans have been harassed, called slurs, etc. just for liking the musical, and that isn’t even getting into the amount of shit that’s been sent to the Black cast members for being a part of it. But clearly you haven't been fucking bothered to read the posts of how Black people in this fandom and in the cast have been treated, because maybe if you did, you’d be quiet and think before you start spouting shit, instead of constantly putting Hamilton’s name in your mouth to say shit that you think will give you woke points with the funnymen crowd.

Do you really think that the same bloggers that make fun of Hamilton would see any difference between those fans and you, the adult stanning a musical where Real Life Catherine of Aragon, a character played by a black woman, owned slaves, and was the person that introduced slavery into England is portrayed as a strong, feminist Queen? Or how Catherine Parr, a woman who was complicit in child molesation and later got upset with said child for being a victim of sexual abuse, is portrayed as the ultimate feminist and hero of the musical? Or is it okay for you to talk about how these child-molesting slaveowners were oh so admirable and honorable because you "respect the history,” whatever the fuck that means.

Yes.. I'm sure white women from the 1500s would be so pleased about the fact that their history is being told by women that they thought were inferior to them based on the color of their skin.

Also sidenote, you may want to reconsider your definition of what is a respectable Six fan when you're writing a literal AU for your favorite dead queens. Sis, just say that you want to write Six fanfiction. There’s no shame in it– especially because the people that write Six fanfiction are more respectable than you are.

But speaking of history, you need to take off your clown mask and realize how ridiculous the notion that “respectable Six fans” are ones that have a genuine respect for Tudor history, because despite the fact that you say this, Six completely disregards the actual Tudor history.

Take the example of Boleyn. Anne Boleyn – a woman who was judicially murdered on false charges including incest with her brother, witchcraft, and adultery in part because she couldn’t give birth to a son and wouldn’t be a submissive wife to her husband – is reduced to a three minute comic relief song that makes light of her murder and states that yes, she actually was guilty of adultery, but she only flirted with those guys to make Henry jealous! Writing an entire song about a woman whose name has been dragged through the mud for nearly 500 years after she was murdered on false charges and then saying that she actually did do the thing that caused her to be executed is just peak #Feminism, am I right? And so is making light of her unjust execution by calling the song “Don’t Lose Your Head” and continuously making joking references to her being beheaded, I guess. Never mind the fact that Boleyn was reportedly near-suicidal and “ready to be done with life” by the time she was executed. Never mind the fact that the six fingers rumor – something that’s also repeated in the musical and presented as a fact – was started by Catholics attempting to quell people’s sympathies over Boleyn’s execution by attempting to make it seem like she actually was a witch and therefore deserved to die. None of that matters because Six is about feminism and it does the Queens justice, right?

And let’s not even get started on Catherine of Aragon. You know, the person who you've reblogged posts about that claim she was “a remarkable woman”, and that you’re apparently so sad about the fact that she died that you’ve made memorial posts about her knowing good and well that she was a garbage person who owned human beings? The same Catherine of Aragon that was reduced in the musical to only being angry that her husband cheated on her and wanted to divorce her, as well as bickering with Boleyn? The same Catherine of Aragon that also was reduced to constantly talking in the musical about how she was forced to move to a country where she didn’t know anyone? On that note, isn’t it funny how that works? Especially since she and her garbage family owned slaves, forced them to convert to Christianity and change their names to Spanish ones, and then forced them to come to England with Catherine when she moved there to marry Arthur Tudor!

All of the queens are dumbed down for the sake of the musical and it isn't until the very, VERY end of the musical that they all realize that fighting over who got the worse abuse from their husband is fucking stupid. And, even then, it’s still incredibly fucking problematic and gross because the Queen that makes them realize that the fight is stupid, and ultimately the Queen that’s praised for being the most feminist in the musical and by its creators, is the Queen that literally held her stepdaughter down while her husband molested her. If you’re really so damn upset about how much Hamilton and its creator glorify the Founders that it ruined your ability to enjoy the musical when that musical at least still acknowledges the fact that Presidents Washington, Jefferson and Madison owned slaves (and its creator acknowledging that none of the Founders were good people), why aren’t you upset about how Six portrays Catherine Parr and Catherine of Aragon as feminists when they were a child molester and a slave owner, respectively, and it's never acknowledged in the musical? Why isn’t your enjoyment of Six ruined by the fact that the Six creators praise Child Molester Parr and Slaveowner of Aragon for being strong feminists, or the Six Instagram calling Ferdinand and Isabella (you know, the people that committed genocide against Black people in Spain, had others tortured and executed for their race&religious beliefs, and literally caused Columbus’s colonization of the Americas [and by extension, the Transatlantic Slave Trade] to begin) a “power couple”?

The entire premise of Six is flawed, arguably even more so than Hamilton’s, because at least Hamilton actually did what it sets out to do throughout the entire musical, and not just the last five minutes. But even so, the basic plot idea remains– fictionalized (heavy emphasis on the fictionalized, Heather!) versions of real people fighting to tell their story. So, if the creators of Six cast aside historical accuracy for the sake of creating a diverse and modern take on the Queens’s lives and you eat it up as much as you do, why should we give a shit when Hamilton does the same thing? Since you love Six so much, you clearly fucking don't, because otherwise you’d be shitting on Six just as much as you like to shit on Hamilton. It really just goes to show how much of a hypocrite and a pick-me ass bitch you are, because the fact that you love Six makes it really obvious that you only care about hating Hamilton so much because it’s a stance that you think will give you more street cred with the Tumblr and Twitter crowds.

^^ The absolute hypocrisy of you reblogging this when you regularly make posts and reblog posts of you and other people doing the same thing with Hamilton and its fandom. Embarrassing.

I'm saying this as someone who enjoys Six’s songs and also has common sense and brain cells– they're fictionalized versions of real people, and those real people were shitty. And that’s okay. But you need to stop embarrassing yourself and acting like you’re morally superior to people that enjoy Hamilton when your core arguments for enjoying Six literally could also be said for Hamilton, and your core arguments for hating Hamilton could be said (and would definitely apply better) to Six. I see you all the time making the argument about how important it is for Six fans to see an all-woman cast, do you think Hamilton fans of color can't make the argument that they feel it's important to see a cast with over 95% POC? How for those teens, it brought them into giving musicals a try in the first place (this is just one of many examples)? How Hamilton's overwhelming success brought jobs to so many actors of color, including helping some of them (most prominently, Daveed Diggs) make a stable enough income to give them a place to live and rest their head? When it paved the way for musicals like Six to gain popularity, too? Cognitive dissonance isn't a good fucking look on you, luv.

And don’t even try the "creator is problematic argument", bitch. You're all over Mean Girls, where the creator (Tina Fey) is shitty for a multitude of reasons, blackface and saying the n word included. Not to mention the Heathers musical, where the creators turn JD into a sympathetic villain and apologise for him when the director and writer of the original movie made it clear that JD wasn’t a character that people are supposed to sympathize with. It's a fucking joke that you go "I can't get behind a musical with a bad creator!" when you base your whole blog around a musical whose creator that's transphobic and antiblack, as well as a musical whose creators apologise for an attempted school shooter and use their musical to make him sympathetic. We know LMM is a piece of trash, but that doesn't give you the right to steamroll over fans (again, most of whom are minors of color) who just want to mind their business and enjoy a fucking show, like a pick-me ass theater kid you are.

And while we're talking about your hypocrisy, let's talk about your incessant harassment of a teenage Six fan for fucking months. You’ve instigated wave after wave of bullying towards a fan who was only 15 at the time when it started, for various reasons. I don’t give a fuck if you were just trying to “spread awareness” about their actions, or get them to change their ways, or whatever. You’re a grown ass fucking adult. If you see a minor in fandom – especially one that’s 3+ years younger than you – doing cringy/problematic stuff, let other minors be the ones to say something about it. Your harassment and creepy behavior around minors isn’t justified by the fact that you think that you’re doing something good.

This is just one of the many examples of you vaguing/posting about the teenage Six fan under the guise of trying to “spread awareness” about their reaction. This one is just fucking rude, especially because they’re a minor with ADHD/ADD that projects traits that they have onto fictional characters and vice versa. I’d expect you to know a lot about projecting onto characters and picking up traits from them, since you channel Heather Chandler and Regina George’s bitchiness and their consistent harassment of teenagers that they consider to be lesser than them into your internet persona and identity, am I right?

The potential end result doesn’t justify the means; but clearly you think it does since you never say shit about this teenager getting harassed until you get called out for your complicity in it, say that you never sent them any asks, promise you’ll do better about the way you interact with minors in fandom, repeat.

Not to mention the complete hypocrisy of this statement in the tags of one of the below posts– especially considering that you were the one that made it open season on this girl in the first place with your consistent vaguing about her and making joke posts about her with your friends when she was only fifteen. And on top of that, denying that you ever harassed Lizzie, claiming that your only crime was vague posting her – when you and your shitty friends posted memes about stuff that she had been doing and making it really clear in your vagues that it was about Lizzie. Just because you didn’t name her directly doesn’t mean that it wasn’t harassment, asshole.

Oh, and here you are, months earlier, admitting that you did cause her to get harassed and acknowledging that you named her? Interesting.

The fact that you say that you have to take responsibility for it, but you never fucking do? [Narrator Voice] Heather would not take responsibility for that.

And let’s not forget how after almost driving the girl to the point of suicide and after getting called out multiple times for it, you promised to be a better person, before running to Twitter and continuing to vague about her. And in addition to that, you making memes and joke posts about Jay, the black teenager who was also bullied almost to the point of suicide for minding his own fucking business and making some fucking fanart and quirky headcanons, is fucking nasty. To further stick your nose up at him and go “not my fandom” at him for drawing Trans!Jefferson art when your Tumblr icon is Anne Boleyn with a lesbian flag behind it and your Twitter icon is the same thing with Katherine Howard... the joke writes itself. Do I have to repeat my point?

Not to mention the fact that you fucking lied in your apology on your viral post about him, because you said that you only became aware of the fact that he was a Black teenager that was harassed after the post whent viral.. when someone told you months before (in the replies to the above post) that he was a Black teenager that was harassed relentlessly for his fanart and asked you to leave Hamilton fans of color alone. But clearly you still stand by your point about Hamilton fans. Who’s surprised?

And then after receiving a 22-anon thread where anon presumably called you out on your hypocrisy of this, you still went to Twitter and started bitching about the fact that you were called out despite saying that you were deeply ashamed and that you would do better. Yet another example of Heather the Hypocrite, am I right or am I right?

You really switch up from “I feel incredibly ashamed and I want to reassess where to go forward from here” on Tumblr to “I hate Tumblr purity culture” when you’re on the safety of your Twitter account like clockwork. And it’s awfully bold of you to mention Tumblr purity culture like you didn’t cause waves of harassment to be sent to a 15/16 year old girl to the point where she felt paranoid that someone was going to come to her house and attack her, and later make memes/joke posts about a Black minor who was harassed to the point where he tried to commit suicide and later had to get rid of his online presence altogether for his own safety.

Also, you posted the IP address of the anon who called you out, and tagged them as “asshole” on the website that you use to track IP addresses. But you genuinely felt ashamed, right? You wanted to change and reassess yourself, right? (The anon’s IP address has been blocked out by me to protect their privacy, because the person who sent in this screenshot didn’t black it out, either.)

And even then, aside from all that, your actions have caused multiple minors in the Six fandom to feel uncomfortable. Below are testimonials about your behavior, and how it’s made minors in the Six fandom feel. One of these is also a reply on a post that called out your behavior. (URLs and icons on both Tumblr and Discord are blacked out to protect their privacy.)

Take in what these testimonials are saying. The fact that your behavior with harassing minors has grown so much that people are afraid to post in the Six tags and express their love for the musical because they don’t want to get harassed by you and your group of friends is concerning.

You, a grown adult, have made minors scared to be themselves and do things their way. You’ve created a culture of fear in a fandom where over 80% of its active fans are minors. You should have been leading by example, showing Six fans how the message of uplifting women should be implemented, but instead? You caused a floodgate of harassment to be sent to a then-15 year old girl that got so bad that she was suicidal and paranoid that people would come to her house, and it ended with even more minors afraid to post in the fandom’s tag because they’re afraid that you and your shitty friends will come for them, too. Shit, I was a follower for a while! I had only unfollowed due to your moral high horse, but it wasn't long before I was made aware about your history of bullshit.

You shouldn’t just be ashamed of yourself– you should be mortified with yourself. And your little friend group should be, too: not only because of their part in all of this, participating in harassing and making fun of that poor girl with you, but because of the fact that they keep enabling you to do this harmful shit by not properly shutting you down or calling you out. But it's not like you care anyways, because you’ve made fun of people voicing their concerns about your behavior and calling you out for making the fandom an unsafe space.

"But I said I'm sorry-" Yeah, we know. We saw a series of half-assed “I'm sorry” posts, paired with you not taking real responsibility for any of the harm you’ve caused. And clearly you didn't actually mean anything you said, because you kept doing it again. And again, and again, and again.

By the way, Heather, the implication that you would be indicted for murder if Lizzie committed suicide despite never speaking to her isn’t just an implication: it’s a literal fact that people can be prosecuted for manslaughter/murder without ever laying a finger on the suicide victim. This includes cyberbullying.

It means nothing to admit you're a hypocrite and do nothing to improve, especially because you’ve said this same exact “apology” multiple times, almost word from word. You're a grown fucking adult that vicariously lives out her dream of being a highschool bully through Tumblr by harassing teenage girls on the internet, and it gives me secondhand embarrassment. Grow the fuck up already, Heather. You’re 20 years old.

You're always harping about how the Six fandom is becoming toxic and embarrassing without considering the fact that you’re one of the toxic ass adults that make children embarrassed and ashamed to be a part of their fandoms. Whenever they do something even slightly cringy, and not even genuinely problematic like some of the other shit in the Six fandom, you’re quick to be like “This isn’t respectable,” “The Six fandom is going to be the next Hamilton fandom,” or whatever the fuck else you say. Teenage girls calling Boleyn a gremlin and making headcanons about the queens siblings/children is not the end of the world, and the fact that you act like it is when you’ve actively created a culture of fear in a fandom that’s mostly made up of teenage girls is embarrassing and disgusting.

I don’t care about whatever apology or sob story you’re going to say after you see this post, because in the end, it’ll just be an empty promise as long as you stay on here. At best, you’ll say that you’re going to do better and leave Tumblr for what, a month? Only to bitch on your Twitter account for the entire month, then come back to Tumblr and do the same exact thing that I’m calling you out for.

You need to stay away from minors in fandom. As a matter of fact — stay out of fandoms that are mostly made up of minors as a whole. You’ve proven time and time again that you don’t care about the safety or feelings of minors, nor do you care about actually “improving” or reassessing yourself every time you get called out. The fact that you’ve been called out for the same things via being indirected on a Tumblr post (linked here), being sent multiple anons by different people (shown above), and being sent a 22-anon thread by one single person calling you out (stated by you above), and you still haven’t changed? Is all of the proof that I need that you won’t change.

That’s all I have to say to you.

People in the Six fandom, I’m heavily urging you not to continue giving this person a platform. I can’t force you to do anything, but you all deserve the right to know what’s been going on. Aside from her hypocrisy about Six, it’s historical figures, and its fandom as a whole, she’s been involved in harassing a minor to the point where she felt paranoid and wanted to leave the fandom on separate occasions, made jokes about another minor in a different fandom that was harassed to the point of attempting suicide on multiple occasions (then lying and claiming that she was never told he was a Black minor who was harassed after she was called out due to a post she made about him going viral when someone told her months before that he was all of those things in the notes of another post she made about him), and other minors have posted/stated that they feel her behavior went too fair, and that because of it they feel unsafe posting stuff in the fandom.

She’s been called out on her behavior on multiple different occasions, and each time she said that she would reassess her behavior and discuss how her actions were toxic. People have given her multiple chances, and each time, she’s gone back to the same toxic behavior and done the very things that she claimed she would stop doing. It’s getting ridiculous at this point, and her actions have gotten to the point where it seems like the only course of action is to call her out publicly.

Like Heather herself said, and I will now brilliantly quote because karma is a bitch: “If you keep making the same “mistake” MULTIPLE TIMES, people aren’t gonna be happy about it.” She isn’t exempt from criticism, especially when this stuff has happened multiple times and she hasn’t done anything to change her behavior. Listen to what she said, and hold her accountable.

Again, I can’t force you to do anything, but I hope that everyone in the Six fandom keeps what was said in this post in mind the next time they consider interacting with her or her content. Take care.

[bunka-japan]

Top Famous Japanese Samurai Names And History

The famous samurai is a famous character in Japanese culture. Samurai have been around for centuries and they are often the center of attention in many films, novels, and video games that are set during this time period. However, not everyone knows who some of these famous samurai were or what their stories entail. This article will list some famous samurai names and give you an overview of their history with the hope that it will help you get to know Japan's most famous warriors better!

There are many great samurai warriors in the Japanese history, such as Oda Nobunaga, Toyotomi Hideyoshi and Tokugawa Ieyasu. But there are other greatest to learn about Miyamoto Musashi or Tomoe Gozen - a fearsome female Samurai of Japan.

The samurai were a very well respected and powerful group of people. They followed the bushido code which is an honor-bound set of rules that prescribes how to live as a warrior, emphasizing practices such as martial arts mastery, integrity in life and death; courage; respect for one's opponents or superiors regardless of rank or social status (read more here). The Meiji Revolution abolished their power but they still had some influence on Japan way into present day because many became businessmen, professionals etc., while others helped shape Japanese culture!

If you are looking to learn more about samurai fighting styles, read this "What Type Of Martial Arts Did The Japanese Samurai Use?"

Here are a list of famous Japanese samurai names and history:

  1) Miyamoto Musashi (1584 – 1645)

(Source, 1)

Born in 1584, Myamoto Mushashi was a famous and accomplished soldier, swordsman, and artist. When he was on the losing side of Battle Sekigahara in 1600 then he became ronin samurai which meant that his lord no longer recognized him as an official member of their army because they had lost this battle.

Miyamoto Musashi was a Japanese swordsman and philosopher who developed the two-sword technique known as nito ichi ryu. His reputation is so great that he has been referred to by other names, including kensai meaning sword saint or satsujin shoji which means killing machine in English.

He had many duels against rivals but his most famous fight occurred on an island with Saski Kojiro - ending quickly when Miyamato struck him over the head with a wooden sword after this duel, he retired from society despite teaching select students and helping suppress rebellions such as Shimabara of 1637.

Myamoto Mushashi was a great painter and author of the famous Book of Five Rings. He also wrote many other books on his martial art, philosophies, or sumi-e style paintings as well as bird paintings which are renowned in particular for Shrike Perched on Withered Branch (Kobokumeikakuzu) and Wild Geese Among Reeds (Rozanzu).

Myamoto Mushashi is most famously known for being an influential Japanese warrior who mastered multiple forms of combat from different cultures such as kenjutsu to jujitsu.

  2) Toyotomi Hideyoshi (1537 – 1598)

(Source, 2)

Toyotomi Hideyoshi lived from 1536/37 to 1598 and served as chief Imperial minister. He helped finish to 16th-century unification of Japan, helping create the country we know today.

Born a peasant in Azumato Province (modern day Nagoya), Toyotomi Hideyoshi left home when he was still a boy and became page at one feudal lord's mansion where he met Oda Nobunaga who would become his mentor for life - or so it seemed until this great man rose through ranks becoming samurai under him before joining armies fighting other clans trying unify all of Japan with their own rule into what you see now on your map.

Hideyoshi, the man who would later build a castle in Osaka and become one of key figures in Japan’s unified government. He clashed with Tokugawa Ieyasu during Nobunaga's attempt to unify the country but their alliance remained strong. Hideyoshi was then appointed as an important minister by his lord Toyotomi Otomo so that he could continue pacifying regions without conflict from other lords like Tokugawa Ieyasu.

Toyotomi Hideyoshi was responsible for solidifying the caste restrictions that marked Tokugawa Japan. Farmers, merchants and monks were forbidden from taking up arms while warriors as well as artisans, farmers and tradesmen could only be found in their own areas of towns or villages due to strict segregation enforced by law.

  3) Tokugawa Ieyasu (1543 – 1616)

(Source, 3)

The son of a local lord, Matsudaira Takechiyo was born in 1542. He came into his own during the era when Japan's civil war and feuding lords left it mired with violence and death.

After being sent to the Imagawa clan at four-years old, Ieyasu was raised with education in their court for 15 years. In 1567 he finally took over his family’s position and changed his name to Tokugawa after returning home from a life of exile.

He had a successful military career and ran his own town in the east of Japan. He was given governance over Edo where he established Tokyo, transforming it into what we know today as an international city with millions living there.

After the unfortunate death of his ally Toyotomi Hideyoshi, civil war broke out again. Ieyasu won the war and gained the title of shogun, becoming a military governor in Japan as well as its ruler with few limits on power. So began Tokugawa's rule over all but name for what would be three centuries to come until he passed away at age 80 in 1616 after having been ill for months beforehand due to illness or old age is not precisely known.

His mausoleum at Nikko has become one of most important shrines and was commissioned by Shogun himself from an artist who had taken up residence near Nagasaki during his time there trading with foreign merchants while simultaneously keeping firm control over Christianity-dominating Europe.

  4) Oda Nobunaga (1534 – 1582)

(Source, 4)

Oda Nobunaga's story is the source of many others, but it’s well worth knowing on its own. Born in 1534 and living through a deeply fractured Japan where warlords frequently clashed against one another often causing much death and destruction before he came to power, Oda nobunaga was viewed by some as both an oppressive tyrant and a national savior.

Nobunaga was an eccentric figure. When his father died and left him to take care of the family’s land, he took it with a strange sense of entitlement, associating freely with peasants below their station as well as shunning many traditions that were important under feudalism such how wearing funeral garb at one's own elaborate burial rites. Nobunaga would also break protocol in other areas like when Hirate Masahide committed suicide after being offended by Nobuna ga during said ceremony--the first time anyone had ever done so--- but this event seemed to shock into reality for the young boy who then went on to unite Japan through force instead of diplomacy or succession rights established within Yamato clan itself .

With the help of a few uncles, Nobunaga gained control over his land. He was not in power for long before he faced challenges from one brother and later another that only ended when both were killed by him. All of this happened while other feudal lords sought their own place among them.

The legacy of Nobunaga led to Tokugawa Ieyasu and his allies' unified, more stable Japan. This was because Nobunaga died before he could unite all of the country with a single government.

  5) Kusunoki Masashige (1294 – 1336)

(Source, 5)

When Kusunoki Masashige was born in 1294, he had already been indoctrinated into the Akuto. This group of samurai banded together to form a new government that did not belong to the present regime and despised how under-rewarded they were for their actions fighting against Mongolia. A man with such passion would be destined for greatness - and so it is no surprise when one learns about his early life as an active member of this organization after being raised by parents who belonged themselves.

The Emperor, Go-daigo (96th emperor of Japan) was forced to flee when his plot for take down the government was revealed. He found refuge at Mt. Kasagi in south Kyoto and declared war on the Government who were against him because he wanted revenge after what they did to him years ago which is why he's been plotting this since then. Masashige pledged loyalty towards GOdaijo as one of first people who would help overthrow those cruel men from power so that no more innocent lives are lost just like how many others had died before them too due to their selfish behavior!

The soldiers of Kusunoki Masashige were not like other warriors. They didn't wear fine armor or swords, but they threw rocks and poured boiling water on those who tried to assault their castle in Kawachi! With the tide turning against them after news of the Emperor's arrest, he opted to burn down his castle and flee without ever being captured by government troops.

Masashige rallied his men and 1,000 locals in Osaka. The government responded in force by laying siege to the small army cutting off their supply lines but Masashige anticipated this and created a secret path for supplies that led to victory as starving forces instead starved with no new provisions from outside sources coming into play which also prompted Emperor Go-Daigo's return who then lead renewed efforts against the Shogun regime.

The samurai had been shortchanged and did not receive the land that they so desperately needed to get them out of poverty. Another rebellion rose in Kysusu, led by Ashikaga Takauji, whom Masashige was able to escape with after he saved his life during this time period.

Masashige encouraged the emperor to make peace, but he refused. He then tried to walk the Emperor into fleeing into exile, but that was refused as well. In the end Masashige led an army with a slim hope for victory against Ashikaga’s forces of 200,000; his own were 899 men strong and lost many on their journey in battle when they finally met near Osaka by 1336 AD where he succeeded suicide after being outnumbered so greatly..

Masahide's devotion and cunning have made him a very popular samurai hero especially within his native city-state (Osaka).

  6) Hattori Hanzo (1542 – 1597)

Hattori Hanzo was a fearless warrior who performed many feats in service of the Tokugawa clan, including rescuing Tokugawa Ieyasu's daughter from a castle and laying siege to another. Born around 152 AD, he served until his death at 55- some sources state that this happened suddenly while hunting or died during battle with pirates on an island off the coast of Kyushu.

  7) Sanada Yukimura (1567 – 1615)

Yukimura was born in 1567 and was known as A Hero who may appear once in a hundred years” and “Crimson Demon of War. His clan, the Sanada, caught up with wars between Oda Nobunaga forcing themselves to fight on different sides when Tokugawa took power after his death. Yukimura fought valiantly against them during Winter Siege at Osaka Castle causing many losses for enemy forces while he himself had smaller force size than that of enemies there.

I think you're tired of hearing about how Yukimura died, but in case it's not clear: he was fighting against Tokugawa forces and they managed to get him. The siege on Osaka castle went well for a while with him leading his troops during the battle until he finally conceded defeat after being completely outmatched by an enemy force that vastly outnumbered them at nearly 10-1 odds.

The defender of Osaka, exhausted and low on supplies but still as formidable as ever. Yukimura Sanada was a powerful general in the late Sengoku period who defended Osaka Castle against overwhelming odds before finally capitulating to Tokugawa Ieyasu's forces after months' worth of bitter fighting.

This heroic warrior is said to have made one last plea with his enemies: "I am Sanada Nobushige."

  8) Uesugi Kenshin (1530 – 1578)

A long time ago, a young man named Nagao Torachiyo led an army in the fight against Takeda Shingen. He was born to be one of Japan's most powerful warriors and leaders when he changed his last name as refuge for Uesugi Norimasa who then adopted him as his son.

After his power had reached its peak, the mighty Uesugi sought to overthrow one of Japan's most powerful lords. He bravely faced all odds but unfortunately died before he could start a battle with Oda Nodabunaga.

  9) Takeda Shingen (1521 – 1573)

(Source, 9)

Takeda Shingen, a 1521-born feudal lord of Shinano Province and one of the warlords who struggled for power over the valuable Kanto Plain in eastern central Honshu. He is best known for his series of battles with another famous warrior by Uesugi Kenshin that became legendary. The two fierce commanders clashed fairly indecisively but cemented Takeda's influence as he became one of the most powerful military leaders in region.

He was most feared by Oda Nodabunaga, and after defeating an army led by Ieyasu he began to make inroads into Tokugawa territory. A year following his victory over the armies of both men, Takeda died at age 39. To this day many people celebrate him as a genius who had skills that should be celebrated throughout all Japan due to the film Kagemusha (Shadow Warrior) directed by Kurosawa Akira being created about him.

  10) Date Masamune (1567 – 1636)

Date Masamune was an incredible tactician who led the Date clan to power. He had a remarkable ability for warfare, earning him such nicknames as "One-Eyed Dragon of Ōshu". At one point he broke alliances and conquered land in his quest to hunt down a defected vassal from Ashina clan. After this campaign, many battles ensued against neighboring clans.

Tokugawa Ieyasu showed no fear when he was forced to choose a side during the Tokugawa-Toyotomi civil war, but once his overlord Hideyoshi died and left him with nothing. A man of great character, he eventually took up arms on behalf of Tokugawa's faction after finding that there was not enough food for both himself and the people in his domain. He then lead them all to an unexplored location which would grow into Sendai City thanks largely due to its proximity from fishing waters--an ideal place for those who are hungry or need work!

Masamune was known for his great sympathy for the Christian population growing in Japan, only reluctantly allowing their persecution in his domain when Ieyasu outlawed Christianity. It is because of Masamune's patronage that there are now a small community of Japanese descendants living in Spain as they fled to escape from religious prosecution on home soil.

Masamune was a powerful samurai who changed the political and cultural landscape of Japan forever. He has been represented in many media that chronicle both real and imagined versions of his life, but this is only scratching the surface to how influential he really was!

  11) Honda Tadakatsu (1548- 1610)

(Source, 11)

Honda Tadakatsu was a loyal servant of Tokugawa Ieyasu, and his contributions aided the success of countless battles. Perhaps being most noted for successfully leading evacuating troops from advancing Takeda forces before their decisive clash in 1584 during the Komaki Campaign, he would also go on to have great successes like breaking through an enemy's defensive line at Nagashino Castle with only 2 outposts left standing by nightfall after engaging them all day long.

His courage is said to have so impressed Toyotomi Hideyoshi, his foe in that battle, that he ordered a general ceasefire. Ieyasu was left with only a few troops but rode out and challenged the vast enemy host himself-and won! He continued to fight for Ieyasu through many battles and campaigns including Sekigahara where future shogun Tokugawa finally defeated him. It's hard not be inspired by this brave samurai who died protecting his lord at age 106 after serving him faithfully all those years ago.

12) Minamoto no Yoshitsune (1159 – 1189)

Yoshitsune was born in 1159, and is one of the most famous samurai's to have ever lived. He fought alongside his half-brother during Genpei War that led him on a path towards fame as he helped consolidate power with both humans and gods alike. Yoshitsune faced many challenges before embarking on this journey such as death at age 10 when overthrowing an attempted coup by court nobles leaded by Minamoto no Yoritomo who were seeking revenge for their father being killed from illness. It wasn't all bad though because after escaping execution himself thanks to monks taking care of him while residing within Kurama Temple.

Yoshitsune is a skilled samurai, the most respected and talented of his time. He took up arms against those who would take what belonged to him - that which was rightfully his by law. Against all odds he won every battle, liberating Japan from tyranny in the process as well as freeing it for himself following so many years spent without power or authority over anything at all."

Yoshitsune fell out of political favor when his brother Yoritomo schemed to end his growing power and forced him to flee Kyoto. He found refuge with Fujiwara no Yasuhira, son of the childhood protector he cherished so much. However, under pressure from Yoshitsune’s own brother-Yoritomo-he had a residence surrounded where Yoshitsune was staying at the time; defeated all retainers that were fighting for their lord in order to escape alive; and finally committed suicide."

A tragic hero as depicted by Japanese culture who has been deeply revered over many centuries: it is an open question whether or not Genghis Khan could have succeeded if without them knowing about this man's life story beforehand!"

  13) Shimazu Yoshihisa (1533 – 1611)

One of the greatest leaders to ever live, Shimazu Yoshihisa was lord over Satsuma Province. Born in 1533 and died on March 5th 1611. He led his brothers uniting Kyushu which they claimed until Toyotomi Hideyoshi took it from them in 1600 but were defeated by him a few years later leading to their final years as Buddhist priests composing poetry that is cherished across Japan for its humility and skillful tactics!

from Bunka Japan - Japanese Samurai Bushido Culture https://ift.tt/3mdJQoB from https://ift.tt/3sEeGb1

[wehavethoughts]

Zack Snyder's Justice League Review!

Zack Snyder's Justice League dir. Zack Snyder (2021) Warner Bros. Pictures, DC Films, Atlas Entertainment and The Stone Quarry Science Fiction, Action, Superhero Movie

Rating: 3.5 Waves

Summary: Tormented by visions of a dark future, Bruce Wayne aka The Batman attempts to gather a team of superheroes to defend the planet. When alien tyrant Steppenwolf arrives on Earth seeking a long forgotten technology, this group of heroes must do everything in their power to keep him from locating all three Mother Boxes and destroying the world.

Content warnings: Violence, Death, Body Horror, Gore

This review DOES NOT contain spoilers for Zack Snyder's Justice League

A bit of background for those of you thinking “Didn’t Justice League come out years ago?” You are exactly right! Justice League was released in theaters in 2017 and is the fifth movie in the DCEU (DC Extended Universe). The same company that produced Justice League then funded Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021) which is a different version of the story that was released in 2017. Zack Snyder was actually the original director of Justice League (2017), but he stepped away from the project during post production and the film was handed over to director Joss Whedon. Whedon’s creative decisions led to rewrites, heavy editing and a notorious reshoot that required removal of Henry Cavill’s mustache via CGI. Therefore, Justice League as it premiered in theaters in 2017 was Joss Whedon’s vision of the story. As some of you might remember, Justice League (2017) was considered a “flop” as it lost the studio ~$60 million overall and was received by fans with mixed to negative reviews (6.2/10 IMDB, 40% Rotten Tomatoes). But since Zack Snyder had left so late in the project, there were rumors that his version of the film had been nearly finished and there was hope that the movie Snyder filmed was actually better than what Whedon had created. Fans took to social media to demand that Warner Bros release the “Snyder Cut'' of Justice League and in a move I personally find baffling, Warner Bros actually gave Zack Snyder another $70 million to finish his version. Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021) which was released on HBO Max is the final product.

While understanding the context of how this movie came about is neat and honestly pretty hilarious, I never got around to see Justice League (2017) so I cannot give any commentary on whether this new film is any better. For those who are curious, my fiancée who has seen both says that the movies are extremely similar in plot, but there are significant changes to characterization and pacing. This review will solely be on the merits and shortfalls of Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021) in a spoiler free context since the movie was released just over a week ago (if you want to talk spoilers DM me I have So Many Thoughts).

Honestly, I was surprised how much I enjoyed this movie. My expectations were quite low considering what I heard about the original 2017 version and the fact that I’m more of a Marvel fan. The most surprising thing for me was that I sat through the entire 4 hr and 2 min runtime (for reference the runtime for Justice League (2017) is 2 hrs). Aside from Lord of the Rings (Return of the King runtime 4 hr 11min), I usually don’t indulge in movies that require me to block off an entire day, but I was curious and I love bandwagons.

The highlight of this movie are the characters. Each of our main characters had a deep, solid backstory that drew me in and made me invested in what was happening in this world. One thing lacking in a lot of ensemble superhero movies is balanced screen time between the main cast, but Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021) uses its time wisely to give each character depth and critical purpose in the narrative. Even the villain had compelling motivation as to why he is on earth doing dastardly deeds, and while I wasn’t rooting for him, I respected his motivations. I also appreciated that the writers of this movie made the characters intelligent. Sure, some decisions were driven more by emotion than logic, but the way defenses are set up and how our heroes use their unique powers left me incredibly impressed.

The characters’ interactions with each other was also very enjoyable. Snyder took the time to include scenes centered around the team chilling with each other in ways that were refreshingly low stakes and mundane. The story was interspersed with scenes like Wonder Woman and Alfred making tea, Aquaman and Wonder Woman musing over cultural differences, and Cyborg and Flash digging up a body where you could really see the characters grow from strangers to teammates to friends. These scenes also peppered in some light humor that kept the movie from becoming too dark without distracting from the tone.

Since Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021) is technically an action movie and it is rated R, I feel like I should touch on the action sequences. Overall, the action was incredibly fun to watch! It was made for the big screen so watching the epic battles for the first time on my TV at home was a bit underwhelming, but the well choreographed, high stakes fights were still visually pleasing. For a rated R movie there was not as much gore as there could have been, which I appreciated and the level of violence was pretty much what I expected from a comic book movie.

The action scenes also do a fantastic job with power escalation. By that I mean the action illustrates the limits of one character’s power clearly in relation to other characters’ powers. This way you are aware of exactly how impressive the characters and their powers are on their own and so when someone or something stronger shows up we have context for how big of a threat we are dealing with. The clean way the story shows us everyone’s respective powers and their limits makes it so the stakes feel more tangible and it's not just unfathomably strong characters beating the shit out of each other with the winner decided by chance.

There are a few reasons the movie didn’t get a full five waves from me. First was that the Amazon’s outfits were very clearly made by horny men based on how much skin they were showing. I, a bisexual, personally love to see superheroes in less then full coverage, but when the Amazon warriors have their entire stomachs and cleavage out of their armor for no reason it exhausts me. What happened to the tasteful and stylish armor from Wonder Woman (2017)? This feels like a step in the wrong direction.

The next concern I have that has kept me from recommending this movie to people is the overall pacing and length. While there were some great uses of the extended run time like the action sequences and team bonding I mention above, there were so many scenes that were way too slow for me to stay engaged. I found myself editing the movie in my head, like did we really need 2 full minutes of Bruce Wayne and his horse climbing a dreary mountain? I don’t think so. This was a narrative where I needed to pay attention lest I miss critical pieces of the story, but the random scenes that dragged on too long had me going to get snacks and checking my phone throughout. If I could rate the movie by halves the first half would get 2.5 Waves because of how it dragged and the second half would get closer to 4.5 Waves since the story really picks up and fun things start to happen.

The final part of this movie that kept it from getting a higher rating was how closely it was tied to Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. In fact, the first scene of Zack Snyder's Justice League is the final scene of Batman v Superman. There were many plot critical tie-ins to previous movies that left me feeling confused until I googled my questions during the slow scenes. If you have never seen Batman v Superman or Man of Steel then you will miss a lot of this movie, which I thought was unfair because other DCEU movies came out before the first iteration of Justice League like Wonder Woman and Suicide Squad and while events in those movies are mentioned in passing they are not nearly as important as the Batman and Superman-centric films. If the DCEU is going to pick favorites, the least it can do is pick movies I actually like (Wonder Woman (2017) remains my favorite DCEU movie to date). In general, superhero movies seem to be trending toward sagas and I prefer movies that you can just watch and enjoy without needing to see a bunch of other movies first.

Overall, I did very much enjoy this movie, but based on the run time alone it is not going to be for everyone. Measuring movie success during the pandemic is trickier than looking at box office numbers and labeling it a success or a flop, but it does appear that Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021) is doing well as far as critical reception and viewership. I hope that this success will allow the DCEU to explore all of the fun nooks and crannies of the universe Snyder pulled together. In fact, half of the epilogue of this movie felt like set up for future movies. I hope they come to fruition because there were some pretty compelling teasers at the end that I would love to see played out on the big screen.

As I mentioned before, I’ve never seen the original cut of Justice League, but Snyder’s version left me fulfilled and satisfied with the narrative, so I am happy to have seen this newest cut first. This is a movie for people who love DC, love superhero movies or are just really invested in the hype.

~TideMod

[serotocin38]

MXTX Superlatives #4: Best Arcs

Winner: Yi City Arc (MDZS)

Runner-Up: Black Water Arc, AKA BeefLeaf (TGCF)

NOTE: THESE ARE JUST MY PERSONAL OPINIONS.

[SPOILERS]

These two also happen to be two of the most popular arcs of the three MXTX novels, but here’s why I think these two are the best (and hence, most popular). 

Simply put, the Yi City arc was a tragic love story. It was an entire story that could have gotten its own 500k word novel. But why a love story when all there seemed to be was deception, blood, and death? Because no matter how you look at it, the characters in that arc did love each other, some on a more fucked-up level than others. 

Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen are literally sworn brothers and best friends (maybe more, however you wanna see it). The cultivation world couldn’t mention one without bringing up the other. Xue Yang knew just how close they were and sought to get revenge on XXC through SL, and he was completely successful. XXC loved SL, so he broke his vow to his teacher, and willingly gave up his eyes for him.

XY had a very strong love-hate relationship with XXC, with the love likely stemming from the hate. XY hated XXC and everything he represented, but after living with him for three years, there was no way he still just hated him. XY did not make any moves to harm XXC during that time, and it was only until he had no choice because SL showed up that XY revealed it all. 

But he thought that just maybe XXC would value the years they spent together just a little bit, that maybe he had broken XXC’s unconditional devotion to SL, so he did not take into account XXC’s suicide. XY’s desperate gathering of the remnants of XXC’s soul, carrying it around for years, no doubt searching and attempting to piece it back together again before practically begging WWX to fix it.

And all the way up until the end, XY had not given up on XXC. The tiny candy that XXC had given up was kept on his persons for heaven knows how long. Even XY’s last words are one last desperate scream for something of XXC’s. He already lost, he was a dead man, and XY knew it, so why did he still scream at LWJ to give him the sword, when he logically knew that LWJ would never hand it over? Xue Yang did love Xiao Xingchen. It wasn’t healthy for either of them, but there was no doubt some sort of that sentiment there.

And finally, to tie up the tragedy of it all, SL comes to years later only to find that XXC is dead, and all he wants to do is apologize to XXC.

And that’s not even mentioning A-Qing and her depth of her love and sacrifice, and I would love to get into her, but this analysis is already too long, and I need to move onto TGCF. 

Ahhhh, the Black Water Arc. Another story of love, betrayal, and hurt, but with a (slightly) happier ending, because it also comes with a hint of forgiveness. To start off, He Xuan was cheated out of the glorious destiny he was supposed to have, and ended up with an extremely shitty future, and he wanted revenge. Shi Wudu just wanted to save his little brother. Shi Qingxuan was just blissfully ignorant, and that was his only flaw.

HX’s revenge was targeted at SWD and mainly at SWD. He did not blame SQX for his ignorance, he blamed SWD for never telling SQX. HX infiltrated the heavens, probably without the intention of making friends or building relationships beyond those necessary to carry out his spying and whatnot, but somehow ended up as SQX’s best friend?? For years, HX followed by SQX’s side, humoring his every whim and request. 

HX is a powerful demon king. One of the four Calamities. He doesn’t need to be following SQX around, listening to him chatter and go around in female form. But he did, and that’s why I think HX is another instance of love stemming from hatred.

Yes, the hatred was directed at SWD, and maybe SQX’s good fortune despite never really working for what he got. But the thing is, HX didn’t want SQX to get hurt. Injuring SQX never crossed his mind. In fact, HX even gave SQX chances for redemption. He just wanted SQX to choose him. Just one time, to choose his supposed best friend over his somewhat of an asshole brother. 

To put this into a bit of perspective by bringing in SVSSS [spoilers]: Luo Binghe’s character is deeply rooted in the same idea. He just wanted his shizun to choose him once. He just wanted Shen QingQiu to put aside his morals and other people, and choose him. When SQQ didn’t, he went berserk and tried dramatically destroying the world or something.

So back to HX, he just wanted to be chosen over SWD once. When SQX didn’t, HX went on a rampage and killed SWD. And that was the end of his revenge - his life was ruined by SWD, so he killed him. Simple as that. He was satisfied after that.

But that’s the thing, was he?

I shed some tears over their story while reading it, I’ll admit, but it did not take very long for it to fade into the background as just another shit storm in the course of the novel. What really made it come back and haunt me was that HX came back for SQX. He fixed SQX’s fan and gave it back to him. 

So did HX care about SQX? Without a doubt. Was it love? Personally, I think so. Because HX made it clear that after he got his revenge, he had no more reason to meddle with the affairs of the heavens. He was content to just do his own thing. And some may argue that HX only came back because he owed HC, but I think on some level, HX still cared.

So I still have some hope for BeefLeaf. I’m just glad they got hopeful endings in the novel, and I believe they both went on to find their happy endings, perhaps crossing paths a few more times.

That being said, it’s not that the other arcs are shallow or unimportant, I just think these two really capture both human essence and were just spectacularly developed, both towards the side characters but also the main plot and the main characters.

[ranger-report]

Opinion: DC and Marvel’s Multiverses Are Crucial To The Future of Superhero Film

Alright, buckle up kids, this is going to be a long one. Get some soda and some popcorn, or some green tea and avocado toast.

Back in the long-distant year of 1989, a little film called Batman released into theaters and became the film of the Summer. Directed by Tim Burton and starring Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson as Batman and the Joker respectively, it was a cinematic triumph that heralded a new wave of superhero films taking their source material seriously. Followed up in 1992 by Batman Returns, a sequel which increased the fantastic elements but was criticized for its darker tones, Batman’s role in movies was cemented in place by continued success. Of course, Keaton and Burton would leave to be replaced by Val Kilmer as Batman with Joel Schumacher directing for 1995′s Batman Forever, with George Clooney stepping into the cape and cowl for 1997′s Batman and Robin, a wild disaster of a film which nearly destroyed Batman’s chances in movies. But then, in 2005, Christopher Nolan brought a gritty realism to the caped crusader in Batman Begins, and continued this successful experiment with 2008′s Best Film Of The Year, The Dark Knight, and 2012′s The Dark Knight Rises (which was....fine). By this time the DCEU was beginning to get started, so a new Batman was cast for Zack Synder’s 2016 Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, and this role went to Ben Affleck. He reprised the role in David Ayer’s Suicide Squad and Joss Whedon’s Justice League, but bowed out of the opportunity to write and direct his own solo Bat-flick. So director Matt Reeves was tapped to direct a new Batman film starring a controversial choice of Robert Pattinson as Batman. With all of this, the question of the past 30-odd years is: which is your favorite Batman? Which one was the best? And how do these films fit into an increasingly convoluted canon in which a film series is rebooted every ten years or so?

What if the answer is: they’re all great and they all fit into canon?

Now, before we think too hard about that, let’s take a look at Spider-Man’s cinematic installments, which is almost more convoluted and in a more compressed amount of time. Beginning with 2002′s Spider-Man directed by Sam Raimi and starring Tobey Maguire, the amazing wall-crawler enjoyed a fantastic amount of success on the big screen, followed up by one of the best superhero films of all time, 2004′s Spider-Man 2. But Spider-Man 3 in 2007 took all of that goodwill and smashed it into the ground with a failure almost as bad as Batman and Robin a decade earlier. Plans for a Spider-Man 4 were scrapped, and eventually in 2012 director Mark Webb and star Andrew Garfield would bring a brand new Spidey to life with The Amazing Spider-Man, and The Amazing Spider-Man 2 in 2014. Both films were lively and energetic, but criticized for trying to stuff too much into their films -- especially the second one. Sony Pictures was attempting to ramp up a cinematic universe much like Marvel Films was doing at the time, but it was too much too fast. 2017 brought another reboot of the moviefilm version of Spidey, this time directed by Jon Watts and starring Tom Holland, with Spider-Man: Homecoming, this time under Marvel Film’s banner (thanks to backdoor dealing), and another cinematic triumph in 2019′s Spider-Man: Far From Home. But, unlike Batman, Spider-Man’s dealings behind the scenes are nearly as convoluted as his series. Sony Pictures owned the rights to make Spider-Man flicks for years, until Marvel managed to make a ludicrous offer after Amazing 2 failed to catch on the way producers hoped. So Spidey came to the MCU under a joint production, which is how we got Homecoming and Far From Home, but also maintained a different universe with the Amazing films, and then 2018′s Venom, and a little animated motion picture also in 2018 by the name of Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse.

Class, this is where I would like to direct your attention to the origin of the extraordinary events we are discussing today. Or is it the origin?

Into The Spider-Verse successfully proved that not only is the idea of multiple universes all connecting on screen a good idea, it’s an Oscar winning idea. Spider-Verse is hands down the best animated superhero film ever, and one of the best superhero films period. But here we must take note of certain ideas. The film provided much setup for a world where young Miles Morales begins to emerge with spider powers, but then Spider-Man is killed right in front of him before he can learn how to use them. Enter a Spider-Man from a slightly different parallel dimension, who not only turns Miles around, but find himself inspired to realign his own life. Spider-people abound through the film, all of them having equal weight and the possibility of spawning their own franchise without having to worry about impacting the canon of other universes. This is something comic books have done for literal decades, but Spider-Verse did it with such care and devotion that it won Best Animated Picture and became a mainstream smash hit. Marvel and Sony both sit up at attention; could this work with the major mainstream films they’ve been producing? So the experiment begins: we have a teaser trailer for Morbius, based on a vampiric Spider-Man villain, which features a cameo from the Vulture character first seen in Homecoming. And after dropping hints that Tom Holland’s Spider-Man could cross over with Tom Hardy’s Venom, Jamie Foxx recently posted about being cast as Electro -- a role he played in Amazing Spider-Man 2 -- for the third Tom Holland Spidey flick. Pictures went up on his Instragram seeming to confirm that not only was this the same Electro, but that all three previous Spider-Men -- Maguire, Garfield, and Holland -- would team up for the film. Multiple universes collide, a live action Spider-Verse, where everyone is crossing over with each other. Now, this lines up perfectly with Marvel’s MCU plans, as Doctor Strange has established in his film that multiple universes exist, and his announced sequel is even titled Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. It’s here. It’s happening. Every Spider-Man film is canon, they’ve all happened, and we don’t need to worry about which of them make sense or belong. They all make sense.

But just before this announcement, a month or so ago DC let slip that their plans for an upcoming Flash movie are taking cues from the Flashpoint comic books, in which Barry Allen goes back in time and accidentally creates a brand new timeline that he has to correct. Michael Keaton has even been cast as Bruce Wayne, the same Bruce Wayne that he played 30-odd years ago, a casting choice many fans have been clamoring for for years. On top of that, once word was put out that Keaton’s role would be similar to Samuel L. Jackson’s role as Nick Fury in the MCU, Ben Affleck was reported to be joining the picture as Batman also, a team-up no one saw coming. Even Christian Bale is being courted to join the universe-spanning flick, but reportedly only if director Christopher Nolan gives his blessing. Multiple Batmen teaming up together in a Flash movie to combat crime? Of course I���ve already bought tickets. Batman is the biggest box-office draw outside of The Avengers. And this concept opens up plenty of opportunities for DC, who’ve done Elseworlds stories in the comic for years. Joker with Joaquin Phoenix proved that DC films not directly tied to the DCEU can and will do well on their own; The Batman with Pattinson will no doubt further confirm that. But now Batman Returns is once again a viable film mixed into a comic book cocktail of wonder and excitement? And what’s wonderful is that this isn’t DC’s first big attempt at this. Slowly and surely, The CW’s Arrowverse TV shows -- Arrow, The Flash, Supergirl, Legends of Tomorrow -- have been doing multiverse crossovers for years, building up to 2019′s mega-event Crisis on Infinite Earths, which saw Brandon Routh reprise his role as Superman from 2006′s Superman Returns, which itself is a sequel to Christopher Reeve’s Superman and Superman II. And for one wonderful scene, TV’s Flash, Grant Gustin, got to interact with the DCEU’s Flash, Ezra Miller, confirming that these TV and film universes are indeed one big cocktail of parallel lives and dimensions that all interconnect while still being separate. Hell, we even saw Burt Ward, Robin from the 1966 Batman show, alive and well an in his own little world. Batman ‘66 is part of the wider DC Multiverse! How crazy is that? And we even got a small tease that Batman ‘89 is part of all of this as well, when we got to see reporter Alexander Knox look up to the Batsignal in the sky as Danny Elfman’s iconic score played. In one fell swoop, in as few as a casual couple of cameos, DC made all of their live-action properties canon in the multiverse, meaning no matter which version you like the best, they all work together and work from a franchising and audience standpoint. The 1978 Superman and the 1989 Batman both existed in worlds that ran sidecar to 2019′s Joker and 2011′s Green Lantern. It’s wild, unprecedented in cinematic history, and wonderful for fans of all ages.

Why is this the future of superhero flicks, though? It ought to be simple: no matter what movies come out, no matter how wild or crazy or outside “canon” they seem to be, they all can work and they all can coexist without having to confuse fans. Many people were feeling the reboot fatigue as early as 2012′s Amazing Spider-Man, and while there was a huge tone shift between Batman Returns and Batman Forever, the Bat-films were considered all part of the same line until Batman Begins started all the way over. Now we have Batman 89 and Returns in one world, Forever and Batman and Robin in another (which was already a fan theory, mind you). Sequels that don’t line up with their predecessors can just be shunted into a hidden multiverse timeline and left alone without the convoluted explanation of having to “ignore” certain sequels. Superman III & IV were ignored when Superman Returns chose to connect only to the first and second films, but now we can say that they definitely happened....just somewhere else. There is now a freedom of ideas and creation that can once again occur when making big-budget films based on superheroes. No longer do creative minds need to be restrained to the canon and timeline and overarching plots defined by studios years in advance; “creative differences” don’t need to drive frustrated directors away from characters or stories they truly love. Possibly -- just possibly -- good ideas can become the gold standard once again for comic book films, not just ten-year plans for how to get Captain America from scrawny Marine to Mjolnir-wielding badass. Remember when filmmakers decided to make Joker the same person who killed Bruce Wayne’s parents? Or when they decided to give Spider-Man the ability to shoot webs from his body instead of technology? That certainly wouldn’t fly these days; studio mandates would require adherence to previously established guidelines, or at least what has been seen in the comic. What if now we could get a three-episode limited series on HBO Max of Gotham By Gaslight? Or a big-budget adaptation of Marvel’s 1602? Simply trying to wedge old comic book storylines into existing Cinematic Universes no longer need be a thing! We could get some of the wildest interpretations of superheroes this side of Superman: Red Son. At least, that’s the hope, anyway.

When comic books can step away from canon for just a few minutes, worlds open up and expand. An entire multiverse of ideas can become a feast of entertainment for many. And when there’s already so many beautiful, well-told stories set in alternate universes as comic book precedent, so too can there be beautiful, well-told stories set in alternate universes for film. And the best part? Now they all matter. And I think that’s the future.

[anomander-dragnipurake]

Possessed Part 2: Chapter One: Bored

Originally I was going have the fic end on the open ended bad ending of King Boo winning but while I was writing the penultimate chapter of that I had an evil idea occur to me and felt called to do it so I did. (This next part is kinda spoilers for said evil idea which is revealed in fic at the very start of chapter 3, meaning 7 overall, this part 2 revolves around it so it's not a huge deal for it to be spoiled but if you want to find out what's up with what's happening when our characters do don't read the next paragraph.)

While writing the part where Luigi feels King Boo's emotions about his victory over the Mario bros in such a way that I wrote it as if I were writing from King Boo's POV, I had the thought of what if overtime because of this possession arrangement, their minds became closer and closer so that they started experiencing each other's thoughts and emotions in that way more and more until they essentially felt like or became the one entity instead of two? And then I was like, oh that's like fusion from Steven Universe but very much unwanted from both parties and very, very bad for poor Luigi because he's fusing with evil, violent King Boo. And then I had the idea for the scene that requires the new 'attempted murder that looks like attempt suicide' tag (happens next chapter, I'll probably put a thing at the top, saying how to skip it if you want) and that sealed the deal on me writing this.

I don't know if everything in it makes complete sense or if everyone's completely in character (especially E. Gadd, I never feel like I know what I'm doing when writing him but I do my best and that's all I can ask of myself) but it was a lot of fun to write regardless so I hope y'all enjoy it too. :)

‘I think I’m starting to get bored of this,’ King Boo said as they woke up.

Groggy and hungover from last night’s drinking, it took Luigi a couple seconds to parse what King Boo had just implied. Really? He didn’t dare hope… did he? He’d just about given up on this nightmare ever ending. The only solace he’d found was that King Boo liked to ‘escape proper consciousness’ as he liked to put it, meaning sleep, alcohol, and whatever drugs he could find to experiment with. It was highly unpleasant but at least Luigi was only partially aware of his situation for sometimes hours at a time.

‘Yep.” King Boo sat up and looked around. They were on a rooftop, neither of them remembered how they’d gotten here. King Boo didn’t care though and Luigi was having trouble doing so either. ‘I think I experimented with about everything I can get my hands on. Also, you’ve stopped caring about stuff and that’s just plain boring.’ And as nice as this little vacation was, he really needed to get back to his boos soon, he was their king after all. … That wasn’t a thought Luigi was supposed to be privy to. ‘That’s another reason I want done with this.’ King Boo couldn’t be having Luigi knowing all his thoughts and feelings and the longer they shared a body, the more often that was occurring when he didn’t want it to. He couldn’t seem to do anything about it which was why this arrangement needed to end sooner rather than later.

He stood and walked them over the edge of the roof to look down at the street below. It wasn’t a super long fall but it would probably hurt quite a bit. King Boo was tempted to jump off to see just how bad it would be.

Please don’t. Luigi would rather not take any more injuries than he already had. Even if lately King Boo possessing him seemed to make his body heal faster than normal, it still hurt. You were thinking about letting me go?

‘I didn’t say that, just that I’m getting bored of this. I need to decide if I should let you go or kill you.’ As far as Luigi could tell, he was honestly undecided. He could probably press at King Boo’s mind to find out why but didn’t dare. … If he did, that’d be weighing the odds against him.

Uh… all righty then. I vote you let me go.

‘Killing you would be fun though.’

Not like this. You’ve already defeated me. And Luigi was still ashamed of it. He should’ve been able to fight back but… it had just happened so fast. Wouldn’t it be better if you… let me live to be tormented by that and… the fear that you’ll… come back and do it again? He understood King Boo far too well for his liking at this point. Being dead himself, he didn’t consider death to be a horrible fate.

He laughed out loud. ‘True. I could also turn you into a painting to crown this victory for ever.’ And if he ever wanted a meat suit to play around in again, he’d have it right there.

Luigi did the mental equivalent of a gulp. You could do that too. It’d be easier to rescue him from a painting though, right? … Theoretically yes, but King Boo wouldn’t let that happen. … It might be the best Luigi could hope for though.

Another laugh from King Boo, this one only Luigi could hear. ‘I guess it’s decided then, a painting it is.’ He stepped back from the edge at last and started for the door that should lead into whatever building this was. Luigi groaned and pulled his mind in on itself as much as he could. Being turned into a painting was better than death though and probably better than his current circumstances so… maybe this wasn’t so bad?

A few days later

King Boo’s kingdom was unsurprisingly a haunted forest.  One could tell at a glance it was haunted due to the tall spindly trees being dead and dark. There even seemed to be an almost visible murky atmosphere to the place before they’d even stepped foot into it. Which they had had to do because there weren’t any roads that led into it and certainly not enough space between the trees to allow for a car to pass through.

There didn’t even seem to be any path leading in. King Boo ditched Luigi’s car and strode right in, ducking underneath a low hanging branch.

The pace he set was steady but slow, he was in no hurry. Which was fine, it delayed how long it would be before Luigi ended up as a painting. … It was night though; the woods were spooky and dark, lit only by the partly clouded moon overhead and King Boo’s crown. And it was absolutely crawling with phantoms, fleeting past Luigi’s peripheral vision and making all sorts of spooky noises just out of sight. If he had any control of his body, he’d have been shivering and jumping at every single sound, real or imagined and probably running the exact opposite direction

King Boo of course wasn’t bothered, he strode confidently through the dead underbrush and around the scary looking trees. ‘How are you still afraid of ghosts? You’ve defeated how many with E. Gadd’s stinky vacuum?’ He made a loud exaggerated gagging noise to emphasize exactly how the felt about said vacuum. ‘And we’re not even that scary to begin with.’

Luigi didn’t get it either. It was illogical but they were still scary. He’d been working on that with Polterpup but then… this happened. King Boo scoffed and kept going.

Eventually they reached the clearing in which King Boo’s mansion took up majority of the available space. It was old and scary looking but not as large as Luigi would’ve thought it would be. Which didn’t mean it was small by any means but definitely not as big as Peach’s castle.

As they approached the entrance, three boos came shooting out, phasing through the door. Internally Luigi jumped and screamed, the only thing worse than ghost creeping through the shadows was ghosts popping out at him. … King Boo found that was funny, he should’ve tried jump scaring Luigi more, maybe one of his past schemes would’ve been successful if he had.

The boos looped around, slowing to a rest in front of King Boo and Luigi. “Welcome back boss,” the boo on the left said.

“You still have Luigi,” the middle added.

“What are you going to do with him?” the right boo finished.

King Boo gave them a genuine smile, not his typical evil one but one that felt as if he was just happy to see his boos again. Which was such a strange feeling from him, it was actually creepy.

“I’ve decided to turn him into a painting,” King Boo said, pushing down his annoyance that Luigi was more privy to his thoughts and feelings than he was supposed to be.

The boos laughed in near unnerving unison that sent a shiver down Luigi’s metaphorical spine. They followed King Boo back in as he entered.

Inside was a surprisingly grand living room. A large cushy sofa with matching chairs and cushions took up the bulk of the floorspace on top of a thick rug covered in intricate designs. A gorgeous crystal chandelier huge down from the ceiling, the dancing light from the fireplace, reflecting off its dangling bits, giving it an almost sparkly look. There was a large painting of an abstract night sky hung above the fireplace, completing the fancy feel of the room. If it wasn’t for the many boos and even a few standard ghosts suddenly all turning to look at him, Luigi probably would’ve found the place quite nice.

Abandoning their comfy seats, all the boos and ghosts rushed to crowd around King Boo. Being surround by a horde of boos was perhaps the scariest thing Luigi had encountered in a while. … All they did though was welcome King Boo home and congratulate him on his victory over the Mario bros. They all seemed happy to have their ‘boss’ back and King Boo was glad to be back.

‘See? Not so scary.’ Well… Luigi still didn’t like it no matter how ridiculous King Boo thought he was being.

Once all the ghosts had finally had their say, King Boo ordered them to take down the night sky portrait and put it in the music room. He then ordered another boo to bring down an empty painting frame that would take its place. It was rather obvious what that empty painting frame was for.

How aware would Luigi be in the painting? Mario and the toads had all said they didn’t remember anything of it so maybe it’d just be like a long sleep. Which honestly wouldn’t be so bad even if it lasted for forever. But… what if one was aware while in a painting but didn’t remember anything of it when they came out? Did that even make sense?

‘When I was trapped in that painting you and E. Gadd put me in, I was aware of every moment of it,’ King Boo cut in with an inward snarl. ‘So I really hope you will be to.’

Luigi whimpered but did his best not to think about it anymore. … Except the boo ordered to retrieve the empty painting frame choose that moment to swoop back into the room and present it to King Boo, holding it ready for him.

‘Anything else you want to say to me? Beg for mercy perhaps?’ King Boo hoped he would, it’d be a great send off. If Luigi was convincing enough, he might even…

No! Luigi could feel the lie in that thought. He wasn’t going to get mercy no matter how much he begged so he wasn’t going to. Just get it over with already. It’d be better than having his body controlled by King Boo for even a second longer.

King Boo chuckled. ‘Finally, some backbone. Very well though, this was fun. Maybe I’ll pull you out occasionally to play around some more. For now though, goodbye.’

He called on his power, causing his crown to glow brighter. There was an uncomfortable pulling sensation on Luigi’s soul and… King Boo’s magic sparked and fizzled out. … They were suddenly both very worried and Luigi couldn’t tell where his concern ended and King Boo’s began. … King Boo pushed that aside though and tried again, putting more force behind it. … It still didn’t work, the same thing happened as before, only more intense.

Growing desperate now, King Boo tried again. This time he kept pulling past the point of discomfort until… it felt kind of like their souls were struck by lightning as his magic sparked again, sending a tremor through both of them that translated into a physical shudder.

“What’s wrong boss?” the boo holding the empty painting asked as they all crowded a bit closer.

King Boo looked up at him, his hands trembling a little as he forced an unsteady smile. “I think I might be stuck in here.”

[scripttorture]

Hi! Not sure how to phrase this. I have a character who was tortured, physically and otherwise, for a long time starting from say 16. The torture was a way of training and conditioning this character to be a certain way, punishing "wrong" behaviour. Kinda like brainwashing. At some point this character gives in. My question is 3-part. 1, is this scenario possible? 2, can this "programming" be broken? 3, if so, would there be times where it "snaps back" ?

This scenario isn’t possible. Or rather- it wouldn’t ‘work’ the way the people doing the ‘training’ think it should. You should really start by reading this post on torture apologia present in fiction and how to avoid it.

 Before I go any further I’d advise you not to use the term ‘psychological torture’ in your writing. It’s a term that torture apologists tend to use to refer to practices that are physically harmful (sometimes fatal) but don’t leave obvious scars. These ‘clean’ tortures, like stress positions, solitary confinement and starvation are not ‘psychological’.

 Torture is physically harmful. Downplaying or ignoring that belittles what survivors go through.

 This does not mean that emotional abuse, coercion and manipulation are not harmful. They are. But they do not, to my knowledge, cause kidney failure, heart attacks, strokes or any of the other possible causes of death by clean tortures.

 Brainwashing doesn’t work. Not in the sense of beating someone until they think the way the abuser wants anyway, and that’s the impression I’m getting from this ask.

 If the abuser characters want the victim to perform tasks then this kind of abuse is probably going to make the victim much worse at those task then they would have been otherwise.

 I mention that because a lot of asks with this scenario are using it as ‘training’ for being a soldier, assassin or thief. And working under the assumption that a torture survivor would be ‘better’ at it as a result. Often what the author describes in the ask would be fatal.

 Leaving this story as it is isn’t just unrealistic; it is unrealistic in ways that excuse torture or downplay the harm it causes. It suggests that survivors are controlled by torturers. That torture can ‘force’ people to change their strongly held beliefs. It suggests that because of these two things survivors are dangerous and this is a line of thought that is used to bar real survivors from real help.

 None of that is true. This is not how torture functions.

 I think removing the apologia gives you two choices with this scenario. You can carry on with a scenario close to the current one, in which case it shouldn’t be treated like brainwashing but like slavery; so there are no ‘programmed’ behaviours or changed beliefs but there’s a lot of abuse and coercion that effects the character in a lasting way.

 Or you can change the scenario in a way which could have a chance to effect the victim character’s beliefs and feelings. They wouldn’t become a programmed automata, but they could come out of it wanting to behave the way their abusers told them to. This is unlikely to work if there is any sort of deprivation or physical abuse.

 I’ll talk a little about both possibilities. Realistic or not there’s something in the original scenario that appealed to you, that felt important to the story. I think you can find it again in one of the more realistic scenarios. But I don’t know what it was you found interesting, what you wanted to explore.

 You know that best; the choice of which scenario is best for your story is up to you.

 Let’s start with slavery.

 People who are beaten and abused in an attempt to force them to work will often chose to comply. But I don’t think it’s accurate to treat this as if they’ve done anything other then make a hard-headed conscious choice.

 These victims assess the situation they are in and generally they choose to comply because they recognise that they’re more likely to survive if they do.

 Many of them will see compliance as a short term strategy that makes successful escape more likely in the longer term.

 And there are limits to this compliance. Enslaved people resist in a huge variety of ways. Granted not all of these actions are obvious or successful, but they are intended as acts of resistance and should be understood that way.

 People enslaved during the transatlantic trade launched organised wars against the people who enslaved them. They faced guns with crude or no weapons. And sometimes, as in Haiti, they won.

 They also organised large scale escapes and founded sophisticated, separate societies. The most famous of which were in Brazil.

 They poisoned and attacked slavers. They sabotaged equipment. They destroyed property. They conducted banned religious rituals, educated themselves and others. They also committed suicide in large numbers and they stated that this was to spite the people who enslaved them.

 In short enslaved people do not stop being people.

 Torture encourages resistance. It causes an unbelievably strong feeling of opposition to the torturers and everything the survivor associates with them. This can sometimes extend to whole races, countries, religious groups, institutions and so forth.

 Enslaved people do not agree with the people who abuse them. And I do not think their actions, their decisions should be understood as long term ‘obedience’ but as short term compliance in the face of real threats and coercion.

 You are probably wondering why enslaved people feel they need to comply. You may also be connecting this compliance to the violence meted out on enslaved people.

 Based on what I’ve read about historical and modern slavery I think this is a simplistic view of a complex situation. And you come to me because it’s hard to see that complexity without dropping sixty quid and three months on reading materials.

 I don’t think violence is the whole picture in these scenarios. Focusing on the violence often means overlooking the systematic structural features which encourage enslaved people to comply.

 Escape is made physically difficult, sometimes life threatening. Slaves are generally moved far away from their family home, cutting them off from social support. They’re actively prevented from contacting friends, family or people the slaver does not approve of.

 They are repeatedly told that they can’t seek redress from any kind of authority figure. Historically even if there were laws supposed to ‘protect’ slaves courts systematically sided with slavers over the enslaved. Nowadays slaves are usually told that if they go to the police the police will just arrest them for immigration offences, or drug dealing, or prostitution.

 This is often true.

 Slavers work to cut off their victims from any form of outside support; be it material or emotional. They deliberately create an environment where slaves feel they can not leave without help while being cut off from any help.

 Something I often see described in survivor accounts is a figure I call the ‘promoted slave’.

 This is someone who says they started out at the same level the slaves did, they complied, they ‘worked hard’ and they were rewarded with wealth and a position of authority over the slaves. These people consistently present the idea that the slaves will be better off if they comply.

 Finally slaves are put in a situation where escape would leave them in a state of deprivation. The slaver tries to make sure they don’t have money, an alternative place to go or anything they could practically use.

 So successful escape could mean sleeping on the streets. It could mean starving. Or freezing. Or a dozen other deaths by deprivation. Slavers not only point this out but work to make it seem more likely then it actually is.

 All of these factors are significant. They combine to manipulate a lot of victims into thinking the only sensible choice is compliance.

 But they also don’t work on everybody and they don’t work forever. Some victims will still refuse from day one. Some victims will comply for years and then reach point where they feel the only thing left to do is actively resist.

 There is no such thing as a certain way to ‘make’ everyone obey.

 Which brings me to option two and ICURE.

 ICURE is a set of techniques that can, over time, change a person’s attitudes, beliefs and behaviours. Again, these are not 100% effective. They are also a lot less likely to work if the victim is in any sort of pain.

 Because inflicting pain encourages disobedience.

 For ICURE to be effective the character would have to be removed from their usual social circle by the group of people attempting it. They would need to stay with this group of people for several years and the group would have to use ICURE consistently throughout that time.

 It would also be more likely to work if the targetted character sees the members of this group as their friends, as kind, caring, trustworthy people.

 ICURE stands for Isolate, Control information, create Uncertainty, use Repetition and Emotive arguments.

 The first point should be pretty obvious. The character needs to be isolated from their previous social circle and support network. When people don’t receive any information from outside of the group the group eventually becomes their most trustworthy source. When they don’t have social contact outside the group they become reliant on the group for support.

 Controlling information means that anything the character learns is first filtered through the larger group. It’s a form of censorship which means the character is only exposed to information that supports the group/ideas the group wants the character to have.

 This is combined with creating uncertainty about beliefs the group wants the character to reject. Often this means only providing information that discredits their previous belief system (whether this information is correct or not). It can also mean extended discussions about ‘why x is wrong’.

 Repetition is, what it says on the tin. It’s repeating this pattern of only giving the character information the group wants them to have, positive messages about the ideals the group wants to instil and negative messages about previous belief systems. Consistent repetition over a long period of time has an effect on our beliefs. Sometimes it even effects them when we know the information is wrong.

 Emotive arguments means- well keeping any discussion away from logic. Something like- going from ‘well I’m not sure this idea about our belief system lines up with our holy text’ to the manipulative character asking why the target hates them/God/the entire church.

 If this set of behaviours sounds like a cult or an emotional abusive relationship- well that’s because it pretty much is.

 In a slavery scenario a character is generally complying because they think they’ll die if they don’t, and they don’t judge it to be worth dying over.

 In ICURE characters obey the way someone might obey a teacher or a priest or a strict parent.

 To be clear ICURE can not make a character like someone. It creates reliance, not attachment.

 But if the attachment is there as well, if that builds up separately, then you end up with one of the strongest and most reliable motivations for a character to obey someone: they don’t want to let someone they care about down.

Availableon Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[revolutionary-demosthenes]

Two unrelated questions—1: Do you support the theory that John Laurens’s (and possibly Alexander Hamilton’s) death was assisted suicide? 2: What do you think life would be like if Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens could’ve gotten married? I love your blog, and I am totally going to never ever bored in House #7.

These are great questions! This is going to be a pretty very extremely long post, particularly the bit about your first question, so I added sub-sections to make it easier to read. I hope this is helpful!

TW: Mentions of possible suicidal and self-hating thoughts and feelings. If anyone reading this has had these sort of feelings, please reach out to someone and get help. Do not give up. You are loved. You are needed. You are worthy.

1: John Laurens and possible assisted suicide

This first question is difficult to answer, and there are lots of theories on it. It can also a very painful topic to discuss. Please take note of the TW. If this post is going to be triggering or upsetting to you, take care of yourself and skip it.

Let’s review the facts and circumstances around Laurens’s death to start.

After assisting Hamilton with taking redoubt 10 during the battle of Yorktown, John Laurens traveled back to South Carolina to again try and pitch the South Carolinian delegates for his black battalion. This was his third attempt, I believe.  Again, his idea was quickly shot down, and it may have made it worse that that was what everyone was expecting. A letter from George Washington written July 10th, 1782 states, in a somewhat cynical tone perhaps more reminiscent of Hamilton’s worldview, 

“I must confess that I am not at all astonished at the failure of your Plans.That Spirit of Freedom which at the commencement of this contest would have gladly sacrificed every thing to the attainment of its object has long since subsided, and every selfish Passion has taken its place—it is not the public but the private Interest which influences the generality of Mankind nor can the Americans any longer boast an exception—under these circumstances it would rather have been surprizing if you had succeeded nor will you I fear succeed better in Georgia.”

John Laurens was also collecting intelligence for General Greene, his commander at the time. 

It is worth noting that most of Laurens’s time down south after Yorktown was spent trying to find military glory, which he did not achieve. He led several unsuccessful or insignificant skirmishes with the few remaining British soldiers.

Laurens also had just heard of the death of his wife, Martha.

He was confined to his bed with malaria, but heard that there was going to be a fight by the Combahee river on August 27, so he literally got up off his sickbed to fight in what has since been dubbed a ‘small skirmish.’

The British soldiers had been tipped off about the continentals coming. Laurens, who was leading a small detachment of soldiers, knew this. He could wait for more soldiers to arrive, or he and his men could start fighting.

Three guesses as to what he chose.

John Laurens had visited the Stock family the past night, and “enjoyed the company of Mrs. Stock and her daughters.” (John Laurens and the American Revolution, by Gregory Massey)

Now, I know there are many theories on this, but in this post I’m going to be examining two main ones. Firstly, that John Laurens’s death was not suicide, but instead another desperate grasp for glory, and alternately, that his death was to some degree planned and/or expected.

Theory A: John Laurens’s death was not assisted suicide/planned/intentional:

In very simple terms, this theory is mainly supported by the fact that John Laurens (and Hamilton, for that matter) were honor-obsessed and both had a thirst for military glory. Both were needlessly reckless in battle from the very start. Lafayette observed of Laurens at the battle of Brandywine, “It was not his fault he was not killed or wounded, he did everything that was necessary to procure one or t’other.”

Some evidence that also supports this is that Laurens’s battalion idea failed several times. He may have wanted to prove himself by becoming a famed fighter like the warriors of Greece and Rome that he admired. 

His dash to the Combahee can be seen as in line with this. Opportunities for fame in battle were running scarce and Laurens didn’t want to miss any possible opportunity. You can also apply this to why he went ahead instead of waiting for the rest of the men during the battle. It would have been seen as more courageous to face them head on, outnumbered. 

John Laurens was often overshadowed by his father, Henry Laurens. Military fame of the right amount could’ve possibly elevated John his father’s social status.

Also important to note, what Laurens did on August 27th was not out of character. So one could make a compelling argument that even if Laurens was not planning to survive the war, the battle at the Combahee was not necessarily the one he wanted to go out on. Especially because it was such a small action, not a glorious stroke of military genius.

So I do think that it isn’t unreasonable to read John Laurens’s death as accidental, however, if you are asking for my specific opinion I do think this next possibility is more likely.

Scenario/evidence in which John Laurens’s death was assisted suicide/planned/intentional:

(This is where the TW applies most heavily, just one last warning.)

John Laurens had a privileged life in some ways, certainly. He was the son of an extremely rich man, got part of his education abroad, and generally had all the inherent advantages to being a rich white man who was the eldest son of an even richer white man.

But his life (much like his friend Lafayette’s,) though seemingly tranquil and privileged, was filled with grief and loss from a young age. John Laurens’s mother, Eleanor Ball Laurens gave birth 11-13 times. Of these children, only five lived past early childhood. When John was about three, one of his closest playmates, his older brother Henry, died. And this was only one of many times (the exact number unknown because of the disputes of how many children Eleanor actually had) that John lived through the death of a sibling.

And there is one sibling death in particular that almost certainly hit John the hardest. His 10 year old brother Jemmy, while they were in Europe, and while John was technically in charge of him, fell and fractured his skull. Much like the Hamilton’s spending the night with a dying Philip, all John could do was try and comfort Jemmy while waiting for the inevitable.

Then of course there was the Francis Kinloch break-up. Obviously horrible. Then (possibly as a result of that breakup) getting a girl pregnant and being forced to marry her. 

America. War. Alexander Hamilton. Love. Keeping the love hidden. France. Yorktown. The last attempts to become a war hero.

It is fact that Laurens and Hamilton based their relationship off Ancient Greek, Roman, etc. gay relationships. In this tradition it was traditional to be reckless in battle to impress your lover. So maybe it makes sense for Laurens to act insanely reckless when he and Hamilton are fighting together. But why would he keep acting that way after Hamilton goes home?

While on the subject of Hamilton, some of the most compelling evidence for John Laurens’s death being a suicide is that he clearly struggled with self-hate, likely because of his sexuality, for a long time. Think about it; he lived in a society that was not just unaccepting of same-sex love, and particularly acting on same-sex love, but it was literally a crime and being caught could result in extreme punishment.

Furthermore, John Laurens, as namesake, eldest son, etc, was under massive amounts of pressure to be perfect. To not bring shame to the family. 

When John was in SC towards the end of his life, he had been away from Hamilton for more than a year. It is possible that without the gratification of the relationship (i.e., they are together, interacting on a day-to-day basis) John began to feel more unsure of their relationship? We do see that when John was away from his lovers, the relationships grew more distant and even unraveled. Yes I’m talking about Francis Kinloch now. But also as more time went by and Hamilton was back home in Albany and John was still in SC, their letters become less frequent. (Or more frequent but destroyed or lost. Honestly though JCH why???)

I also think that Laurens may have been worried that he and Hamilton’s distance was the only reason they could keep up a romantic relationship. Could Laurens have felt that once he “put on the toga” or joined congress, he and Hamilton would have to be just friends because of Hamilton’s wife and child? Judging by this line from a letter from Hamilton to Laurens, “Your impatience to have me married is misplaced, a strange cure by the way, as if after matrimony I was to be less devoted than I am now,” we can infer that Laurens may have at first have been supportive of the idea of Hamilton having a wife, perhaps because he thought that Hamilton was just using her to appear straight. In this letter, Hamilton also does allude to suicide. He tells Laurens, “For your own sake, for my sake, for the public sake, I shall pray for the success of the attempt you mention; that you may have it in your power to act with us. But if you should be disappointed, bear it like a man; and have recourse, neither to the dagger, nor to the poisoned bowl, nor to the rope.” I think it is extremely interesting that this comes in the same letter as the one where Hamilton tells Laurens he is getting a wife. The attempt Hamilton refers to in this passage is the attempt to free Laurens from being a prisoner of war, but I wonder if it has some sort of double meaning. 

I also believe it significant that Henry Laurens seemed to get very anxious when John sent him a letter from Geneva at mentions suicide. From John Laurens and the American Revolution: “John’s haste perhaps explains an ambiguous passage that slipped into one of his letters. He referred to ‘two people the most addicted of any in the World to Suicide.’ Alarmed by these words, Henry sent an emotional reply: ‘What can be meant by addicted, to an Act, which can be perpetuated but once & no Man’s devotion to it can possibly be determined from anything short of the Commission? But, my Dear Son, I trust that your opinion on that Question is So firm, that you are armed with Such irrefragable proofs of the Impiety as well as Cowardice of Self Murther, as puts you out of danger of being made a Convert to Error, by any Man be his “Rank and distinction” ever So great, or by the finest thread of declamation tickling the ears and & fatally Captivating the Hearts of Giddy & inexperienced youth’”

The context of the passage from John’s letter is unknown, but his father acts so defensive and seems to be reassuring himself that John would never do that in his letter that I wonder if it was already a topic that Henry worried about. If this is the case, this suggests that John knew was queer from a young age, not just when he met Francis Kinloch, (and that letter is from around that time, just as a side note.) and/or that John had had mental health issues before this time.

Also significant: moving forward to August 1782, John was sick. He was bed-ridden. And he knew the fight at Combahee river was not going to be big. It was a small foraging party. All the redcoats were going to do was basically steal some flour. But still, he dragged himself over there.

He led his men forward even though they knew the redcoats were ready.

Then he immediately was shot down.

So, --dear anon who is probably horrified with the length and long-windedness of my reply--, here is the theory that makes most sense to me:

John Laurens had been having mental issues like depression for a long time. When he was with Francis Kinloch they alleviated slightly, but when Jemmy died and Francis Kinloch broke up with him, they came back full force. Since being with Kinloch had made John happier for a time, he decided to seek out more love. Wait a minute, John thought, if I can love a woman, that’d be killing two birds with one stone... the love will make me feel better, and it may cure me of my forbidden love for men.

But when John got Martha pregnant and was forced to marry her, I doubt that made him feel better. So he wanted to go to America and fight in the war. He believed in his countries independence, and this would be a way to go out with easy glory on the battlefield, should he want to.

He met Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton managed to convince John that their love wasn’t a sin or a sickness, and they were happy together. 

Then Hamilton told Laurens he was getting a wife. He knew that this would be hard news for his Laurens, so in his next letter he made sure to make clear that they could still love each other.

But Laurens did not think that would be possible, once he realized that Hamilton really did love his wife, and was not just using her to appear straight. Laurens also knew that even if they did continue their relationship after the war, both he and Hamilton would feel guilty for what they were doing, especially considering that Hamilton really did love Eliza so much.

When the black battalion plan failed for the last time, it brought feelings of failure and hopelessness to Laurens.

When Laurens heard of the death of his wife, it brought back the guilty feelings for getting her pregnant, especially because she had fallen ill trying to bring Fanny to meet her dad in France.

When Laurens visited the Stock family the daughters again reminded him of his inability to have love for women. They also perhaps reminded him of his own wife and daughter who he had essentially abandoned in Europe.

With the war nearly over, Laurens decided if he wasn’t going to survive this war, he had to fight in some battles. So he got off his sickbed to go fight. 

He knew it would be risky to go ahead without waiting for the main army during the small action at the Combahee, but he had done things that reckless before. And if he was going to die in battle, this would likely be one of the last opportunities.

To conclude this answer: I do support the theory that Laurens’s death was to some degree suicide, with assisted suicide being the closest label to what I believe it was. However I do think it was a complicated death that doesn’t necessarily fit perfectly within any label. I believe it was a combination of mental issues partly borne of being queer in a time that was unaccepting of same-sex love, the failure of his plans for abolition, being reckless in battle regardless, and, if he was going to die, wanting to die a war hero.

I think these factors together led to a premature death that was not planned exactly, but probably pre-mediated upon. What I mean is, Laurens wasn’t going to try and get killed, but he wouldn’t be cautious or try particularly hard to not get killed. 

As for Hamilton, I honestly think it could go either way. Though I tend to lean toward Chernow’s answer, which is that it was not suicide, just stupid. (Like, Hamilton, your son literally died by shooting at the sky in a duel you are taking your own advice that failed horribly??) The main reason I believe this is that Hamilton had something Laurens lacked; a family whom he loved very much. Even though his political standing was slipping, I don’t think Hamilton would’ve wanted to leave his wife and kids.

Anyway, I hope this answers your question. Now for the much less depressing answer to the question,

2: What do you think life would be like if Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens could’ve gotten married?

I’m slightly unclear on whether you mean if they could’ve gotten married back in the 1700s or whether you’re asking for the modern AU I think is most accurate.

Assuming you mean if they could’ve gotten married in the 1700s, I think that they would have as long as it was main-stream and socially acceptable. I think they would’ve been very happy together, and I like to indulge in the fantasy of President Laurens and VP Hamilton.

I think John Laurens would not have died. I think he and Hamilton would have worked in the government together. I also do not think Hamilton would have would’ve dueled Burr.

John Laurens and Hamilton would’ve written together about 1,000,000,000 pamphlets against Jefferson and Madison. 

The only duel would be Laurens vs Jefferson.

And they would’ve lived to a lovely old age together, adopted some kids, and lived happily ever after.

Never mind this is also depressing.

Thank you for the kind words about my blog and the great questions! Yes, if you are bored, house 7 is the answer. 

If anyone has other asks for me, feel free to, well, ask them! And if you would prefer a short answer just tell me so, I won’t be offended!

[writing-radionoises]

everything will be alright

ship: mostly none, a side of odazai and fyodazai if you squint

genre: character study, hurt/comfort

prompt: osamu dazai was born without a will to live.

notes: tw for self harm, suicide, and mori bullshit

Dazai never really knew his parents.

He’s been passed around from person to person like a charity case for as long as he can remember, most of these people end up being a part of the Port Mafia.

Most of his early childhood is a blur, a lot of it was full of indifference, and ruthless training.

Between each and every Port Mafia member he was passed onto, he still had to go through the normal training of every Port Mafia member, despite being somewhere between four to thirteen years old and having no real desire to join the mafia.

He was truly set up for a life in the mafia from the moment he was born.

But regardless, training is difficult and painful. The training was meant for at least a sixteen year old, children in the mafia back then weren’t a popular thing.

Truthfully, Dazai might’ve been one of the youngest children to ever go through the Port Mafia training.

He can recall practice fights with faceless parental guardians, names and faces of adults he’d forget within a week, or something he’d see their face on the news two weeks later to find out they died.

He remembers learning to fire a basic handgun at the age of seven.

It hurt his hands a lot, he nearly fell over just from the sound of the handgun.

Dazai can recall a specific guardian who would choose not to feed him if he didn’t do well enough in his training. He was maybe nine years old at the time.

Regardless, the years of training and being surrounded by death cemented itself into Dazai’s brain, and he found himself losing any desire completely.

It started by losing his want for a brand new toys, things he would see on TV. Instead of being excited at the sight of the ads of those toys, he’d just switch the channel. At the time, Dazai just thought it was part of growing up, though it escalated from there.

He lost the desire to be an adult.

And eventually, he lost his desire to live.

It was at the age of ten that Dazai decided he would not live past the age of sixteen.

He’d kill himself before he reached his sixteenth birthday.

His first suicide attempt was in the bathroom at around noon, a mistake on his part. He took out a random pill bottle and downed the entire thing, and laid on the bathroom floor. Another mistake, the pills didn’t actually end up killing him. At worst, he just went to a doctor within the mafia, and was told not to do it again.

Though, his suicide attempts improved over time. He learned more and more how to successfully kill himself, each failure was a new thing learned.

Between the ages of ten to fourteen, Dazai lost track of the amount of suicide attempts he made. From overdosage to self harm, he tried it all.

The one that was the closest to being successful for him was when he tried to hang himself.

Dazai remembers, he had just been moved into a new guardian’s home, and had already had a plan.

The room he was moved in had the perfect place to hang a noose on. The thought of it had filled Dazai with some empty-like version of joy, the thought to finally be able to leave this world…

Little did he know it would be the worst mistake of his life, trying to hang himself that night.

He had just barely been saved, and taken to meet Dr. Mori Ogai.

And there would begin the worst years of Dazai’s life.

Dazai’s eyes opened slowly underneath the bright lights of the office, his wrists were restrained against the cold metal of the hospital bed he was laying in.

He was very cold. The restraints were tight against his wrists…

“Ah, you’re awake?” Said a voice, to which Dazai turned his head to see an older man walking towards the bed.

He had medium length hair, slicked back with a few loose pieces. He looked like just about every other doctor Dazai had met, but his voice sent shivers down Dazai’s spine.

“Good morning, sleepyhead!” Greeted another voice, a younger girl who was now stood on the other side of Dazai’s bed, undoing the restraints on his wrists with a smile. She appeared to be a nurse.

“Can you tell me your name?” The doctor asked, his hands now placed on the metal railing of the bed.

“Osamu… Dazai?” Replied the brunette, his brows furrowing together.

“Good, it seems you’re sane,” said the doctor with a smile, “Dr. Mori Ogai, you may call me Mori.”

“Ogai-san…” Dazai started as the nurse undid his other restraint, he pulled his now loose wrist to his chest and rubbed at the sore forming, “Why did you let me live?” He finished, a defensive tone to his voice.

Mori only smiled, “I need you for something. Elise, help the boy up.”

The nurse did as she was told, grabbing Dazai bridal style and helping him stand. Dazai only got more and more confused as Mori handed him a black trenchcoat and a pair of shoes.

“We don’t have all that much time, now!”

Dazai remembers stumbling behind Mori, an arm around Elise’s shoulder as she helped him along the way into a grand room. Dazai is met with the sight of the Port Mafia boss laying in a large bed, coughing and wheezing as Mori stands above him with a smile.

Dazai holds his breath, looking between the boss and Mori as Elise begins to fade out away, leaving Dazai without support as he falls back and catches himself against the wall of the bedroom.

Dazai’s memory of the moment escapes him, hearing some sort of rant from the Port Mafia boss before Mori retrieves a scalpe from his pocket, cleaning it off with his coat and slashing the boss’s neck.

Blood splattered against the wall, and Dazai felt his eyes wide as Mori turned back to Dazai with a smile.

“If anyone asked, he left the Port Mafia to me. You won’t say otherwise,” he says, and Dazai feels a chill run down his spine.

He was fourteen years old, and his fear in the man named Mori Ogai had become the first emotion he felt in years.

Time went on, Dazai met more and more people.

He felt more and more pain.

The amount of times Mori had thrown him against walls, pinned him against counters, stepped on his chest, slashed at his arms with a scalpel, and so much more…

It took a toll against Dazai’s health, mental and physical.

The amount of scars only seemed to grow, and his urge to just die grew stronger and stronger.

He was a failure, he couldn’t seem to do anything right. He couldn’t even kill himself right.

He had lived past his life expectancy at the age of seventeen, and grew to avoid going home.

Where Mori was.

Instead, Dazai went to the bar. He drank until he could barely form a coherent thought.

It was then when he met a man named Oda Sakunosuke.

He had cut Dazai off from drinks at the bar, telling the bartender that he’d take care of Dazai and to instead give him water.

Dazai smiled as the bartender passed him a glass of water, lifting his head up.

“You’re here everyday, I watch you get shitfaced literally everyday,” said the ginger man, sitting a few seats away from Dazai, “Are you alright?”

Dazai smiled and shrugged, “I have no idea anymore.”

Oda gave a laugh, “Been there. Name’s Oda Sakunosuke. Sakunosuke is a mouthful, so most people call me Odasaku.”

“Osamu Dazai,” Dazai responded, “Nice to meet you, Odasaku.”

To say Odasaku and Dazai were friends would be an understatement. They became practically attached at the hip, always with each other when work wasn’t in the way.

Instead of going home to Mori, usually Dazai ended up at Odasaku’s apartment, one way or another.

And eventually, Ango Sakaguchi joined their little friend group. Ango was a stern young man, someone who had to be physically dragged away from work, and had little to no self regard for himself.

The three of them were great friends. Dazai can recall dancing in the kitchen with Odasaku, Ango falling asleep on his shoulder on the car ride back to Dazai’s place, making friendship bracelets with the both of them.

It was the happiest two years of Dazai’s life.

It reminded Dazai that his life was not Mori’s to own and control.

It was all fun and games until Mimic appeared, Ango’s triple life came to light, and eventually, led to Odasaku’s death.

Dazai became a shell of a human being, depressed and lonely.

His life went from a hundred to zero within an instant.

Dazai left the mafia.

In the years between joining the agency and leaving the Port Mafia, Dazai met a young man at a cafe.

He was a pretty thing, with an amazing understanding of English despite his Russian mother tongue.

His name was Fyodor Dostovesky. He was about the same age as Dazai, and had sat next to Dazai out of curiosity after Dazai ordered a coffee with eight shots of espresso.

“Eight shots? Why don’t you just do cocaine at that point?” Fyodor had said, sat across from Dazai with a smile, “... It is a joke. I doubt the staff here would appreciate you doing cocaine here.”

Dazai laughed, “Believe me, I’ve thought about it. I haven’t seen you before, are you from around here?”

Fyodor nodded a no, his hair moved along with his head, “What gave it away? The accent, or the clothes?” He joked once again.

Dazai only smiled in return. Perhaps it was a silly question, the other seemed to be wearing very clothes that are obviously not from Japan, they were made for cold winters.

“I am from St. Petersburg, Russia,” Fyodor explained, “I’m visiting.”

“Ah, what brings you to Yokohama?” Dazai questioned.

Fyodor glanced up, thinking before shrugging.

“I supposed I wanted a reason to use my fluency in Japanese,” he replied, “I learned out of impulse, very few people in Russia know Japanese, so I have no true reason to learn unless I’m going to Japan.”

“Ah, do you only know Russia and Japanese?”

Fyodor nodded a no, “I know a myriad of languages. Russian, Japanese, English, and French. Working on German.”

“You’re an interesting person,” Dazai mused, “Your name?”

Fyodor smiled in response, “Fyodor Dostovesky. I realize that in Japan it is last name, then first, though Dostovesky is a mouthful for foreigners. You may call me Fyodor.”

“Osamu Dazai,” Dazai replied, “Osamu works fine. Have a phone, by chance?”

Dazai can’t be mad. He knows he can’t, but instead, he pouts as he leans his head against the door of his apartment. He bits down on his lip and tries not to cry.

He shouldn’t be mad, Fyodor just said the truth.

They were just using each other to fill some void within themselves.

Dazai was just using Fyodor to try and forget about Odasaku, taking his kindness for granted and trying to fill his void of emotion.

He just misses Odasaku so much.

Fyodor was there at the right moment, he was pretty, he was kind of funny, and interesting.

What else was Dazai supposed to do? Odasaku would be so disappointed in him, he never wanted to use another person like that after leaving the mafia.

Not after seeing what the fuck he did to Akutagawa.

His head ends up on top of his knees, shaking and shivering from the force of his own emotions.

Why can’t he do anything right?

Fyodor lost against the agency. Dazai knew this would happen one way or another, the agency could not be destroyed as easily as he thought, and ultimately would lead to Fyodor’s downfall.

But still, Dazai feels some sort of hurt from the other as he approaches Fyodor, who is sitting on top on the rooftop and watching the sun go down.

He sits down beside Fyodor, who doesn’t pay him much mind.

His expression is blank, the sunset brings out the purple hues in his hair as Dazai gives a weak smile.

“It’s been awhile since we’ve talked as friends, hm?”

Fyodor nods in return, “It has, hasn’t it, Osamu?”

“Osamu?”

“What else should I call you?” Fyodor questioned, turning back to Dazai.

“Oh, Osamu’s fine,” he reassures, “You just called me Dazai on the battlefield.”

“I figured you did not want the whole agency knowing of our past relationship.”

“Ah, I don’t care anymore,” Dazai admits, “It was so long ago, it would just be another shitty thing they knew about me.”

“... What part of it is shitty?” Questioned the dark haired male once more, “That I was involved?”

Dazai nods a no, “No, truthfully. I think I was shitty to you as you were shitty to me, it was a two way street that I treated as a one way. You only spoke the truth back then, the truth I did not want to admit. I was using you. Had you known the whole time?”

Fyodor nods, “You aren’t as sneaky as you think.”

Dazai laughs a little bit, “Yeah, I’ve been told.”

There’s silence between the, watching the sunset on Yokohama as Fyodor bites down on his thumb.

“Are you happy now?” He asked, not turning to look at Dazai this time.

“I think so,” Dazai responds, “I don’t know. Happiness is such a strange concept these days.”

Fyodor swings his legs against the building, moving his gaze from the sun to his knees.

“I live with few regrets, Osamu,” he admits, “Though, I regret one thing. I regret watching you suffer like that, back in the day. I lack empathy, though compassion is not a foreign concept to me. I wish I had not pursued you like that, perhaps it would’ve saved you some suffering.” Dazai smiles, “I think you’re much kinder than you say, Fyodor.”

The other cracks a smile, “Perhaps. I wish you the best, though.”

Dazai hums a thank you, leaning his head on Fyodor’s shoulder.

He let out a breath of anxiety.

“I’ve been meaning to say this for years, though I’m not very good at apologizing. I’m sorry for using you like that, I’m sure that you didn’t have ill intentions at first, and were really just trying to figure out how emotions work. I took your kindness for granted, and that was shitty of me. I’m sorry.”

“You’re forgiven.”

Dazai pauses, looking back up at Fyodor curiously.

“That easily?”

“I have nothing to hold against you, Osamu,” he explains, “It is better to forgive than hold a grudge, anyway. As they say in Russia, До свадьбы заживет.”

Dazai quirked a brow “До свадьбы заживет?”

“It will heal before your wedding,” Fyodor translated, “Or rather, everything will be okay.”

Dazai smiled.

“До свадьбы заживет. Cute.”

[starstruckteacup]

Cottagecore Films (pt. 7)

Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989)

starring Takayama Minami, Sakuma Rei, Yamaguchi Kappei, Toda Keiko

Upon turning 13 years old, young witch Kiki leaves home to begin her independent training year, a longstanding tradition for witches. She journeys with her black cat, Jiji, to a large seaside town and befriends a pregnant baker, Osono, and her husband. Soon after settling in with the bakers, Kiki begins operating her own delivery service from the bakery. She befriends many of the local residents, including a young aviator named Tombo, an elderly grandmother who goes by Madame and her living partner Barsa, and a teenage painter named Ursula. Despite her successes, Kiki finds herself struggling with her identity, and begins to lose her magical powers. When a crisis strikes the town in the form of a severe windstorm, Kiki realizes that she must overcome her self-doubt in order to regain her powers and save her friend.

Kiki’s is easily my favorite Ghibli film. This sweet story of self-discovery tackles several difficult aspects of growing up in a kind, supportive, and positive way. When Kiki struggles to understand why she’s losing her powers, Ursula describes it as “sometimes you can, and sometimes you can’t” and encourages Kiki to rest and give herself the space to figure herself out, which is a message young people are constantly deprived of. The atmosphere of the film was absolutely delightful as well. Ghibli scenery never fails to ignite the deepest parts of the heart. The town felt huge and overwhelming at the beginning, but Kiki conquered it without hesitation; through her confidence, the town quickly began to feel like home, like somewhere we as the audience would love to spend our days. It has a lovely small-town ambiance that feels real to those watching it, as though we could step into the screen and not feel out of place for a moment. The simple routines of people are perfectly encapsulated in this film, but with the inclusion of a little magic and the naivety of our young protagonist, it still feels like an adventure. 10/10

Anna Karenina (2012)

starring Keira Knightley, Aaron-Taylor Johnson, Jude Law, Matthew Macfayden, Domhnall Gleeson, Alicia Vikander

Inspired by the classic novel by Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina finds herself swept from her diplomatic and passionless marriage by the charming Count Vrosky. Meanwhile, a farmer by the name of Levin--a close friend of Anna’s brother--pursues his love for a young woman named Kitty, who initially spurns him in favor of Vrosky, until she herself is cast aside for Anna. The affair catches Anna and Vrosky in a whirlwind of passion and scandal, but regardless of the intensity of their affections, they are subsequently shunned by proper society and those closest to them. In the end, Anna must choose between her love for Vrosky and her duty to her husband, but the choice may be too much for her.

I found the aesthetic of this film to be very unique: much of it was portrayed as though on a stage, a hurricane of activity and set changes on multiple levels. I’m not entirely sure what the purpose of transferring between a stage and real life locations was, and it made the aesthetic feel inconsistent. As nice as the stage idea was, the film would have been more comprehensible if it was set in a distinct universe, not constantly transferring between multiple ones. The beginning was also kind of awkward in that it engaged some highly enticing music that had me wondering if there would be a song to follow, but then never did. It kind of just looked away from the music and shoved into a new scene without really making sense of it. That said, I thought the acting was fantastic overall. Knightley portrayed Anna’s throes of passion very well, really honing in on the complete irrationality of it all, and Anna’s complete ignorance to it. Johnson aptly conveyed Vrosky’s youth and naivety, his complete disregard for what is socially expected and accepted; his expressions detailed the youthful mind behind the character, and complemented Knightley’s performance well. I wouldn’t say they had much chemistry, but they made up for it with strong emotional performances. I would even say it emphasized the ridiculousness of the affair. Law, as always, impressed me greatly with his performance; his stoic character constantly refused to be affected by emotional reactions, focusing instead on dignity and duty, but Law portrayed every emotion Karenin was hiding with just his eyes and microexpressions. A stellar performance from all of the actors, even though this rendition lacked depth in favor of aesthetic much of the time. 6/10

All the Bright Places (2020)

TW: suicide (offscreen), attempted suicide (mentioned in conversation), mental illness, death of loved ones

starring Elle Fanning, Justice Smith, Alexandra Shipp, Keegan-Michael Key, Luke Wilson

Based on a young adult novel by Jennifer Niven, Violet Markey struggles to come to terms with her sister’s death, but when she meets the enthusiastically kind Theodore Finch, her outlook on life begins to change for the better. The two visit a variety of places in their home state of Indiana for a school project, but every one of these seemingly insignificant places contributes to a deeper experience of growth and love for both of them as they seek to understand themselves and each other. However, life isn’t always happy for either of them, as they struggle to come to terms with their own emotional and psychological struggles, and both come to very different conclusions on how to handle them.

This was a very dear but realistic film that portrayed a lot of serious mental health problems experienced by young people in a relatable, understandable, honest way. Violet and Finch were characters that I saw myself in, and expect many audience members could as well. Their relationship was genuine and heartfelt, and the actors played off of each other very well. I can’t laud Fanning and Smith enough for their incredibly emotional performances. They hit home hard, and you could feel their happiness and their pain deeply within your own soul. The story was also very well written, with the greatest respect for mental illness. It was not caricatured or mishandled at any point in the film. Every aspect was taken seriously and carried with great care by all involved. I greatly appreciated how the characters couldn’t define how they felt, which is so often the case for people struggling as they did, but the actors still conveyed it so strongly that you felt exactly what they were going through without putting a name to it. This film also had countless sweet, tender, and loving moments, not only between lovers, but between friends and family as well. These relationships are so critical to focus on because that’s what life really is. I think there are moments when traumatic experiences could have been conveyed a little better, but it still felt realistic. This movie will probably make you cry a little, but it is well worth the watch. 8/10

Part One // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four // Part Five // Part Six

[eidolonlathi]

The Issue with Gen’s wasted Character Potential

With the manga about to reach its end I thought it worthwhile to have a closer look at how Gen’s character has been written. And the conclusion I'm coming to is that things started promising but then ended with already established potential not getting used.

Let’s start at the beginning. I don't believe that by the time of their introduction, any of the Sato squad’s new members had a clear and finished backstory. Or if, that it must have gotten changed while the story was progressing.

At this point it is difficult to say what the initial intention had been. But looking at Gen’s introduction, I always had the impression he and Takahashi didn't use to know each other before, came to the meeting alone and met there for the first time, instantly developing sympathy for each other. Something of the body and facial language in their first panel just seems too distant for me to signal anything else. And taking into account that until chapter 66.5 it hadn’t been confirmed that they shared a backstory, I view an individual arrival still as a possibility. Gen stating some time after the Grant Pharma arc that he possesses no ghost is no contradiction; just because Kou was clumsy enough to attract attention and got caught doesn't mean Gen wouldn't have been able to attend the black ghost meeting undetected.

Either way, only moments later, as soon as Sato's plan was established, he and Takahashi were able to quickly adapt to the situation and work together in harmony. Be it because they used to already know each other or by forming an instant strong connection. This moment already established the pattern that functioning together came easy to them while with Tanaka in the equitation friction would develop easily. But interestingly on the newly formed team all disharmony vanished at first, the operation on Grant Pharma ending a success.

I think this is about the only time in the manga where Gen is completely on his own and it’s impressive how good his nerves are during this moment. He stays calm, analyses the situation and delivers the needed information. And he has to do all of this while Takahashi is constantly being killed right next to him, yet Gen doesn’t get nervous at all.

That kind of levelheadedness would last until into the Forge Arc. And then getting reduced for the sake of preparing a “twist” lacking any solid foundation. Regardless of what one thinks of Gen being human or him and Takahashi supposed to have been brothers all along, from a storytelling perspective it makes zero sense to hide this all away from the reader until the last second. Like, that’s it? That’s the twist? How is this supposed to be relevant again? One of the random sidekicks to the main baddy –who you always knew wouldn’t have a chance to make it to the end- died instead of having gotten captured. I doubt anyone but the less than 20 people who used to ship takagen cared. These characters were about to disappear from the story either way, the average reader wouldn’t care about the surrounding details because these two were not the kind of characters that were given enough relevance. Or more, after a strong introduction, relevance and focus kept getting taken away from them.

Because relevance is the second factor why the reveals at the end were a bad way to progress the story. Since it got clear that some intended surprise was along its way (being shocking for the purpose of being shocking always looks forced), Takahashi and especially Gen were shoved further away into the background of happenings, given little to do. And that was a waste, frankly, taking into account how active both of them were allowed to behave shortly after their introductions. Remember them both supporting Sato with their sniping skills during the Grant Pharma attack? Sniping is a task complicated to do right but both of them were proving to be capable. Together and on their own: The moment Takahashi was taken out by enemy snipers, Gen was perfectly able to calmly overview and asset the situation, like this gathering together the information Tanaka needed to advance further and deal with those threats.

So, you have these two characters who have proven to be capable during stressful situations with a reliable mind and then the manga just… shoved them aside. Not just by lessening focus on them but by downright ignoring the ways they would have been able to contribute to their team. Cutting their teeth and claws further and further, first by putting more of a focus on their drug using habits (edgy. Now we know they’re bad guys for sure. Don’t get me started on addiction getting used as an indicator of morality) and then taking this further until they were reduced to not much more than moving props clowning around in the background. Compare that to Okuyama, whose early established technical skills kept getting efficiently used to advance the plot.

The curse got broken. After years of silence chapter 59 finally allowed Gen to speak again. Unfortunately barely anyone still remembered he existed or what he had brought to the plot so far.

Letting all this potential go to waste, for what? Because more of a focus would have threatened to reveal those wannabe twists? Something that turned out as boring as “one was human all along but the writing never told us that for no good reason”. It is hard to imagine after all the Sato squad was unaware about this important little detail: Not with their habit to regenerate themselves or their injured comrades via shooting themselves back to life during operations. With this they would have needed getting informed about Gen not being an ajin.

And the sudden sibling status about to get introduced resulting in “Gen’s dialogue needs to get reduced into nothing, otherwise it would become too obvious he and Takahashi being brothers was a last minute idea, with them going against local conventions by not calling each other “brother”, instead using their last names ever since.” Yeah, how did that work out? Now we have actual implied canonical incest because Takahashi and Gen being related changed nothing about the fact they were giving off the most obvious couple vibes this manga had to offer, making it look they were actively hiding being related. Where did it go wrong? Was “Gen is human” installed as a possible twist last minute late in the game, kept nebulous in case some better idea came up? (The hints were always vague guesswork at best, supposed to be able to go both ways, and unlike the anime the manga didn’t have the foresight to prepare it as believable by keeping Gen out of the most dangerous situations and reducing this drug consuming habit to a zero. So, am I supposed to look at it as a deliberate suicide mission on his part in manga context? Was his nihilism this deeply rooted here?) And what about the sibling retcon? Was “he joined this non-human extremist group for the sake of supporting his friend” sounding too gay an explanation, so in an attempt to erase that away they were retconned brothers? Would at least explain why those two look absolutely nothing alike despite supposed to be related.

Ironically this accidental incestuous implication was the only element working here in favour of story telling and character development. Disillusioned incestuous couple disappointed with life drifts into nihilism and thus resonates with Sato's ruthless modus operandi? Now that's the kind of variation and originality I like to see in fiction.

Interesting how Gen just shrugs his shoulders and goes back to routine once told the hostages already served their purpose. Zero sentimentalities to be seen. 

I’m glad the story at least let those two stay loyal to Sato until the end, keeping the last bit of relevance in place that differentiated them from their (former) teammates. Takahashi and Gen had bloodthirsty motivations long before they met Sato, so it makes sense those shared similarities kept deepening the bond of those three. It makes sense on a level of characterization and interpersonal relation as well: I’d go as far as to say that Sato was most likely one of the few (the first?) people who accepted them the way they were. Attentive as he was it is hard to imagine he would have missed any aspect of the nature of their relationship. Yet his demeanour towards them never changed, more, as time went on the three of them grew closer. Being met with this kind of acceptance, it is easy to see why Takahashi’s and Gen’s loyalty towards Sato would have strengthened over time as well. Add to this that those three had a pretty similar mind set and voila. A unit that could have had it all, hadn’t it been for the story’s need to play it safe and prepare circumstances so the “good” guys (anyone seriously believing the status quo of using captured ajin for experiments would have changed without outside pressure?) win because of reasons.

This manga has many strengths but the recent habit to insert plot threads that keep dangling and are leading to nowhere or constant retcons that backpedal on what was previous established are none of it. Seeing how the manga started losing its way shortly after the Forge Arc ended and how the plot is now stumbling around in an attempt to reach an ending has been a disappointment, exactly because the story already has proven so many times that it can be excellent under the right circumstances. Alas, hope gets snatched away last.

[nashwillms]

Have you seen ERIC ‘NASH’ WILLIAMS ? This THIRTY-EIGHT year old is a ROADIE / BREWERY OWNER who resides in QUEENS. HE has/have been living in NYC for THREE YEARS, and is known to be HELPFUL and RELAXED, but can also be IRRESPONSIBLE and UNRELIABLE, if you cross them. People tend to associate them with LIVE MUSIC and WELL-TUNED ACOUSTIC GUITARS.

y’all there’s rly no intro necessary, this is all you need to know about nash: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2SzEYKbxSg now that tHAT is out of the way, here’s yet another idiot man! feel free to hmu for plots or like this and i will hYu (is that a thing?) 

tw: suicide, violence mention, underage drug use

about —

full name: eric williams age: 38 birthday: december 14th, 1981 ( sagittarius ) sexual orientation: heterosexual gender: cis male pronouns: he/his

bio — tw: suicide, violence mention, underage drug use

the eighties were a wild time. fifteen-year-old evelyn williams had ran away from her home in kentucky to pursue her dream to be a country singer, landing her in nashville, tennessee. but instead, she ended up tangled with some shady people in the industry, people who got her intro drugs — and eventually she ended up pregnant.

at age sixteen, evelyn delivered a boy, in a home for unwed mothers, about an hour away from nashville. her original plan had always been to simply leave the child there, because her christian upbringing would not emotionally allow her to have an abortion. but she changed her mind at the last second; she took her son with her, and named him eric. no specific reason, it was just the first name that she thought of.

despite the hurdles, she still attempted to pursue her dreams. at a very young age, eric was hanging out backstage at different small venues, watching his mother perform. so, it could be said he grew up around music.

( suicide tw!! ) when he thinks of his mother, he tries to remember the smiling singing girl in cowboy boots and button up shirts — and not the lifeless corpse hanging from the ceiling he walked into, aged six. why she’d taken her own life, the boy never understood. and while he never felt anything negative towards his mother, he was angry she had decided to leave him alone. after having to call 9-1-1 (a thing he will now refuse to do), some people came and took him away.

eric proceeded to grow up in the foster system. from home to home to home to home, it was like nobody wanted to keep him. no matter how good he was, how smart he was; families would always end up sending him back. 

when he was sixteen, though, an argument with his then foster family ended up in violence. his foster father have eric a black eye, and in a moment of complete desperation, he grabbed what he could in his book bag and ran away, slowly making his way back to the city. 

one night, he decided to go to the venue his mother would perform at, sneaking backstage. of course, he got caught almost immediately — but the the performer’s crew leader told security he was with them, so the boy was let go... and he had a job. of course he was asked what his name was, and his answer was nash. eric williams was on the run, so he couldn’t give that name! and surprisingly, it stuck. when he talks about how he met john and how he got to work for him, a smile always appears. the story is so ridiculous.

he started working for this man’s crew, mostly as a roadie: carrying, loading / unloading, setting up and breaking down equipment for different performers, all around the country. being unsupervised, nash got himself into a pattern of irresponsibility: drugs and girls, girls and drugs. it is very probably he has scattered a large amount of children across the country in the last 20 years, yet he has not even entertained the thought. 

fast forward to sixteen years ago: nash scored another gig working with violet banks’ crew. he had heard of the musician before, and the young man was thoroughly impressed. she was incredibly talented and beautiful — not to mention successful, and his age. that was what impressed him the most, how much she had accomplished when they were so close in age. so, one could say he had a crush. not very rare in nash, but alas.

how he managed to get her to even give him the time of day is still a mystery. he did consider himself a charming person, so it probably had something to do with this trait of his. knowing they didn’t have a lot of time, as the end of the tour approached, the pair got involved in a very fast but very passionate romance. to this day, nash still remembers this specific love fondly. it was probably the most interesting thing that had happened to him, too.

however, after violet’s tour was over, he never heard from her again. mostly because he never even reached out. when he heard she had had a baby, it made him want to reach out even less. of course, the thought that it could be his child didn’t even cross his mind. ( so, he has no idea jamie is his, and has NO idea what has happened to him or to violet. mans gonna have a bad, bad time! but a well deserved one! )

a few years later, he found a puppy tied to a pole while staying in a crappy motel in atlanta. he figured the owner would get back to the pet soon, but when he walked by the same pole and saw the pup still there, nash decided to take it with him. 

he’s a german shepherd named bullet, and he’s 11 now. probably the closest thing nash has had to an actual responsibility.

how the man ended in new york was also a funny story, or so he’ll say. although it really wasn’t funny, it was mostly sad. while on a job in new york, bullet got ran over by a yellow cab. he survived, but the vet advised to let him rest at home for the foreseeable future. which was of course a problem, considering nash didn’t really have a home. he mostly lived in cheap motels or on friends’ couches. he drove an old truck, and now he had to find himself a place to live in the most expensive city in the world.

all of his savings went to this venture. he’s not poor, but not well off either. he’s somewhere in the middle, because he had been saving his money to buy that venue in nashville — of course that doesn’t seem possible anymore.

although he’s legally been living in queens for three years, he has been in and out of town for the most part, really making it more of a consecutive year, maybe a year and a half. especially now that bullet is old, and after the accident, he’s become prone to more ailments. it wasn’t bad until recently, which was why nash would still come and go, leaving him with a dogsitter, but now that he’s become more frail, nash is trying to be consistent and be with his friend.

some connections: ANYTHING / EVERYTHING ( always down for anything! )

more specific ones ( at least the ones i can think of ) - dogsitter: someone who’s close to nash, very trustworthy. he wouldn’t leave bullet with anyone when he leaves! - friends: he def needs those! he’s a very flexible character too, as in he’s been pretty much everywhere in the states, so there can always be a plot there when/ if your character isn’t from new york! - ex lovers: he def needs all of these, basically the same terms from ‘friends’ apply here: he’s been everywhere, and he’s one irresponsible idiot. he’s definitely never called anyone back. - music people: nash loves music! he still works backstage at a bunch of venues in the city (nothing gigantic though), but he def loves anyone who knows anything about music. he plays the guitar, if that adds any depth!

( this is my second attempt at trying to post this intro... tumblr ate my first draft and i was so very sad... so forgive me if this is terrible. second attempts usually don’t turn out as great but ! i tried my best. my two remaining brain cells and i thank you for reading this AT ALL. )