#ive already applied to unis
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Continued in the reblog
#so uhh#might delete this later#but#tumblr friends#tumblr moots#or literally anyone who sees this#im fucking panicking#so my parents are abusive#always has been and always will be#honestly it took a whole process for me to come to terms#with the fact that they are abusive#but anyway#my plan was always simple#i find an international uni#so i get away from them#im literally running away from them#that's always been the plan#and its in motion already#ive already applied to unis#just waiting to be accepted (so i can finally run away)#now i have a younger sister#shes my life#literally#i love her the most#i always assumed#that if i ran away#she would be fine#afterall my parents treat her really well#at least compared to me#but then today
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I'm debating if it would just be easier to get a whole new phone/phone number and just have my grandpa cancel my line once I get it
#the thing is ive had this number since i got my first phone#so i would have to contact a LOT of places about the updated number#including: literally any job ive applied for. health insurance. uni. ALL online accounts that ask for phone number. friends. banks.#but on the other hand. i KNOW my grandpa will make it as difficult as possible#as in: i will have to do everything myself if he agrees to let me remove my number from the line#he will complain every second of having to unlock it#and i will have to spend hours with that man figuring out how to remove the number#meanwhile. i COULD just go down to a provider and ask about getting a new phone.#get a new phone/phone plan for myself (bc i dont wanna stay w this provider it sucks). and just tell him to cancel my line#i could transfer everything over after getting the new line/before he cancels my old one so if anything needs a verification i can do it#just fine - especially the uni and bank stuff#or maybe wait until my semester starts and i have a job already so that if i do have any issues transferring stuff#my uni tech help is more likely to be open and if i have a job i could easily update my resume and just like#contact whoever im working for with updating the number#i might just do that actually#it will suck getting a whole new number tho bc my current number is so easy and again ive had it for years so it is ingrained in my mind#amber's shit you can ignore
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oh btw!! i got into my course!! :D
#they said in the acceptance letter i could also apply direct to the bachelor i am doing this bridging course for#bc i do have the prereqs already but ive been out of uni so long i want to ease myself back into it#im so excited!!!!#biosciences here i come
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This girl may not be growing tgirl tits yet buy she sure is growing her tgirl confidence
#carla's ramblings#ive applied for so many things for next year and ive already received confirmation for 2 of them#hoping i wont get overwhelmed by their responsibility; on top of uni classes#but she'll do it scared until the scare will be no more
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:^}
#nothing like talking to my mom to make me completely unravel and reconsider every one of my life choices 🫠#casual cry at work bc i dont know what to do with my life and i have no goals and i will never be well enough off to satisfy my mom looool#like i know shes scared bc we grew up super poor n she struggled to get where we are now massively but like#why do i need to make 200k to make her happy lol#like im making a decent salary at my full time job and i want to pursue more school so i can expand my horizons and look into diff careers#bc i find my job boring ! altho im very thankful for it !#but i dont wanna do this for the rest of my life !!!! id literally rather be dead than sit at a desk writing emails for 40 years !!!!!#i was talking to her about going back to my uni and making my minor into a major so i can get a secdon degree#since i already took the majority of the courses i can finish the second degree in 1 year ! i already planned out all the courses n stuff!#but shes like what do u want to do with that why are u wasting ur time doing things that wont put more money in ur pocket#im gonna be applying for my masters this year anyway so i was like might as well do something entertaining with the next year#get a degree out of it n all and then hopefully attend my masters program the next year ? like isnt that cool and impressive or whatever ?#its for my ego ! it makes me feel like im progressing rather than staying stagnant at my job i dont like !#but she just wants me to make more money lmao like i know moneys tight and its hard n everything#eugh#and shes like increasing the mortgage payments bc she qants to pay the house off asap but making our monthly bills cost more#so it always feels like were one step away from being in a hole we cant get ourselves out of#like why is my entire life focused on making money and supporting a famkly rn lmao im 25 and ive barely been able to live#i judt want to do soem things for myself ! make myself feel good about myself !!!#im sureounded by stem people with nice jobs and good degrees !! all these 22 year olds with masters under their belts and im stuck !!!!#boring and useless and havent lived up to any potential lol im so tired of my stupid inferiority complex i just want to feel like#an interesting and accomplished person like everyone expected me to be !!! especially myself !!!!#this fucking sucks#looking at law school applications again#might try to do an lsat in september or something ig#gommywords
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hi, im sorry for bothering u right now. ive been asking around for advice everywhere because i really need all the help i could use right now. my anxiety is flaring up like crazy because my results come out tomorrow and im so scared because if i mess this up then my future is ruined. my mental health has been horrible and that has severely affected my grades but in most asian countries they dgaf about that and basically think it's nonexistant for minors so ofc i'm still undiagnosed, and if i were to apply to a uni i wouldnt get any good chances anywhere. if i could just get 3 Bs in my AS levels it would be okay or else i'd have to retake it and it's super costly here.. i don't wanna put my family through that because they'll talk me down, degrade me, destroy my self esteem which i've managed to build back a little. they were like this since when i was the topper and thats what made me burnout. undiagnosed adhd, trauma, depression also contributed to it
im applying the law, but instead of the feeling of success that everyone else gets i feel panicked. the 'feeling' people usually get when they're in the wish fulfilled state, the feeling of accepting it and it being real—im not getting that. i dont see a clear picture when i visualize. every time i try to, i end up breaking down and feeling like a failure... but I'm still trying to go on because why is it that the people who hurt me and practically ruined my life get to live successfully, while i suffer? thats not fair... i promised myself that if i could just get 3 Bs, ill turn my life around and work really hard... but is it over for me? i want to win, im trying to, but im scared
im trying my best to visualize myself getting 3 Bs, reenacting my friends faces when i get the results, praying to God and thanking Him for blessing me and continuing to bless me, but there is this fear still lingering at the back of my mind... i feel like I'm not doing it right. i have like one day left and I'm so nervous. im going over posts, tweets, and every time I feel a little better, it all comes crashing down because of doubts. theres only one thing one my mind right now: 'how am I gonna turn it around in one day?' i know that the 3D does not matter and that everything is done in imagination, but here i feel like its not done in imagination either
right now nothings clicking in my head, whatever i read is getting scrambled in my mind, i feel so lost and empty. could u please tell me what to do in this specific situation? u can be as harsh as you want if that's what's needed to get the point across. im really sorry for the bother and id be really grateful if u could please help out, ive never been this desperate before... my life cant be over before it even started
Hey love,
I get you, I really do but trust me when I say this.
THIS SHIT IS REAL AF. Manifestation is real af. It's as real as the fact that you are a human being. All you have to do is trust yourself that it is already done. If good results is what you want then that is exactly what you'll get. You need to choose to stop having doubts because it is already done. That is the simplest answer I can give you. Persist on what you want.
I am glad to tell you this but I just got test results for a major exam held in my uni today and I got into the 95th percentile just by saying to myself that my super power is aptitude tests and that I already scored great. In my friends group only 3 of us were eligible and I have 70+ more marks then them as well. If I can do it, you can do it. You need to stop doubting yourself. Atleast stop doubting manifestation. Cause at this point you're only gonna manifest your doubts.
I'll give you a scenario - If you're worried about getting bad grades, Trust me when I say this you're gonna manifest exactly that coz you will manifest exactly what you assume. You can choose to stop that right here, RN. Choose to accept that you got great marks. I mean don't even like aim for B's go for A's. I don't care even if you left the paper blank coz if you assume you're the topper, that is exactly what's gonna happen.
If you do get bad marks and I'm gonna be harsh here - You're the only reason why! You're gonna manifest exactly what you assume to be true even if it's good or bad. Your sc mind don't differentiate btw what's good for you or what's bad for you. It only knows what you feed it.
You got this, TRUST ME
Love, Shrads.
#law of assumption#loassumption#loa#affirm and persist#loa tumblr#neville goddard#consciousness#loa blog#loatwt#imagination#affirm and saturate#saturate your mind#shradsmanifestt
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i love it when i get uni assignments and i can easily take ideas ive already been exploring in my fic and just apply it to the short story i have to write. this rules
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01-10-23
tomorrow I go back to class for my second year at university !! I'm so excited !! also happy october everybody! (vent about masters applications below:)
but I know that it's going to get REAL very quickly bc I'm already overwhelmed by my workload... in addition to normal uni work, I will also be attending virtual uni open days as this time next year I will be submitting my masters applications......... what?????? ive already started to narrow down my options and do a lot of research bc I know that now and the Christmas break are the only times that I'll have to do this before I have to start writing the applications???? bc I'll be too busy during term and the summer to even think about thinking about thoughts like ?? WHAT??? I was a fresher two minutes ago and now I'm booking postgrad open days like hello???? what???? but I can't say I don't love it because it's soooopo exciting and I love my subject. I'm also aiming more ambitiously in terms of the universities I'll be applying for (will have safeties ofc) so that's VERY motivating. so yeah !! eeeee!!!!!
#studyblr#studyspo#new studyblr#100 days of productivity#studying#study motivation#school#aesthetic notes#gilmore girls#sociology#postgraduate#post grad life#postgradblr#post grad problems#postgrad studyblr#master's degree#master's#master's studyblr#applications#college applications#uni applications
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I've seen you pop up in the #sparkletag quite a bit recently, and as both a Patron and as a friend of Kneeby, I think I've had enough of your antics.
It's really depressing to see someone dedicate their entire online presence towards hating someone. It's extremely creepy and weird to obsess over every single thing kit does like this. I urge you to go find a better hobby, and I mean it. This kind of parasocial behavior is toxic and only serves to hurt everyone including yourself. Take a break from this and use that time to reflect on yourself and what you really want. Do you want to dedicate all of your time constantly rambling and raving about everything kit does online? Does that sound like a productive use of your time? I don't think it is.
all my posts boil down to "the pacing and prioritization of this comic could use a lot of improvement + i find it weird that the creator isnt raising awareness to a literal genocide going on rn" and you react by writing an angry essay. your ask seems to boil down to "you cant criticize my favorite comic because it might hurt the creators feelings" so im gonna respond with an angrier essay
there are good things about sparklecare, obviously. i resonate with it in some regards. but that doesnt mean its perfect, as nothing is. i dont even tag my shit under the main sparklecare tags (apart from the stuff about kneeby not raising awareness towards palestine) because i know people like you are gonna get upset if you see a conflicting opinion on your dash. the only tags i tend to use are #sparklecriticism and #sparklecare criticism, none of the main tags. block those tags if you dont wanna deal with me.
my criticism is valid (i think) since yeah. the comics writing has a huge problem when it comes to letting things happen naturally instead of rushing them, which results in kneeby having to explain things on the blog (which 99% of the time you have to scroll deep into since the main blog is constantly reblogging the cometcare one) rather than having the comic clarify it on its own. thats a genuine issue in storytelling so i feel like it should be addressed and worked on.
i have way more of a presence online than this blog, obviously. i just dont want this blog connected to my real identity for a wide variety of reasons (mainly not wanting to be harassed even further than i already am)
if youre a friend of kneeby then i think you should tell kit to actually DO SOMETHING to raise awareness to the genocide going on in palestine and other targets, PUBLICLY. not just an announcement in a private discord, a public statement, or AT LEAST reblog the fanart of uni waving the palestinian flag. all the social commentary ive seen (yes im still taking the social commentary into account since the comic was described as such until my blog popped up) has come across as performative to anyone besides the clowns themselves, id love to see kneeby talk about issues that dont just apply to kit.
i know damn well the sparklecare blog is kits biggest platform, kit should use it to raise awareness, i dont care if the topic makes kit sad, it makes me sad too, but i still retweet as much shit about it as possible whenever it crosses my mind because i actually care about issues that dont involve just me and i actually want to do something to change the world. im a teenager and i do more to raise awareness than a group of adults.
im just a kid with opinions
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brb lemme book a flight so i can come to the u.s and do your nails 🫡🛩️
also omg life update ig butttt ive always dwelled on the fact that im taking an extra year at uni so im there for 5 years instead of 4. when the winter sem ended i went back to the doc where i tracked the credits/coures and other program requirements i had done–and the way i was shocked and had to double check if i was correct with how i was tracking my uni progress cos after this summer sem of taking 3 courses is completed, i'll have 5 courses left of my uni career for the coming fall+winter sem.
so if all goes well then at the end of the winter 2025 sem, i would have completed all my uni degree course requirements so i can apply for graduation. i'll (hopefully) be a uni graduate next year!!
going back to the whole dwelling thing, i focused more on how long i had already been at the school and i was completely blind to the fact that i'm almost done. i was completely blind to the progress i was making, too focused on the past instead of the future ig
but like holy shit i didn't realize i was almost done my uni career and it blew my mind when i did that tracking and rechecked and realized that i really am almost done.
since that whole realization, i've been thinking of what i'm gonna be doing after i graduate and it's still a big ?? but i do know im not going to grad school or anything, my time at uni just further cements the fact that school and i don't mix, i can't sit down and study for hours on end, so going to grad school would just be a waste of time and money. at the same time it'll be the first time where i wont have that school routine of attending class and doing homework which has also got me wondering how my days are gonna look once ive graduated. so ive been thinking about adulting recently and its quite daunting and scary so i try to save those thoughts for when im in my therapy appointments.
but that's my little life update, 🌸 anon is gonna be a uni graduate soon!!!! ~🌸
UNI GRADUATE NEXT YEAR LET’S GOOOOOOOOO IM SO EXCITED OJ MY GODDDMDKDKDJDK
I took 5 years too because so many of my course requirements shifted around when covid hit and everything was virtual. But no shame in it!!!! It was def something I dwelled on when I first realized I was going to be taking a little longer to graduate but now I look back and I’m like whooo cares the important thing is that eventually I graduated ! Completely feel you on missing sight of the fact that you WILL be graduating eventually and you’re so close to it, too! You should be so so so proud of yourself and I’M so so so proud of you!!!!
post-uni life is veryyyyy scary when you first approach it, but it’s so refreshing at the same time. It’s such a good period of time to just learn about yourself and figure out what it is that you want from your life and from your degree. There’s so many opportunities you have with a fresh degree and so much more time to just have fun and meet people and embrace adulthood for the first time without the barrier of school. Definitely scope out what you can do with your degree but remember it’s also a great time to do things for yourself and be happy. Don’t forget you’re just a human being at the end of the day and we’re all trying to make it here ❤️
I love you! And I’m beyond proud of you!!!!! Go get em 🫶💓💘💕💗🩷👼
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grahhh now i rlly am tempted to know which papa you would match me up with!!
im a femme leaning non-binary person who goes by they/he, i just identify as queer. physical appearance wise: im 5'6, curvy n chubby (which im definitely insecure about unfortunately). i definitely look like like i listen to metal and rock exclusively, i have a wolf cut with neon green face framing highlights, (basically just think bright green 'e girl' hair) while the rest of my hair is dark brown. i usually wear glasses as i am as blind as a bat!
i dress mostly grunge, aka band shirts, baggy jeans, leather jackets and whatever cute tops i can scrounge up at thrift stores; ive been told that i look intimidating to talk to lmao. my makeup i wear is, of course, also dark and heavy. i just realized as im writing this that i basically entirely based my style off of Nancy from The Craft LMAOOO, yeah just imagine her but a bit more curve + strips of green hair.
im 19 and currently studying biomedical sciences at uni, in my free time i love drawing and playing video games like elden ring, i also love a good horror or sci-fi flick!! if this wasnt obvious already, i love metal and rock, ghost (duh), type o negative and nine inch nails are my fav bands ever. im generally pretty extroverted but i can definitely enjoy some alone-time if i get overwhelmed, as i am on the spectrum and can go non-verbal at times. i love talking to people, my friends all basically use me as their shield whenever we're in crowded social situations where human interaction is immanent, as im pretty much the tallest and most intimidating looking given how i dress and carry myself.
id consider myself pretty funny and gentle, id literally die for my friends; if youre close to me, i basically treat you as family. given that i am a ghost and metal fan i of course, have daddy issues. womp womp. despite all that id consider myself an extremely positive person and im the mom of the group, always there if you need someone to talk to or if you need a problem resolved. wow this is a lot, thanks if you even read it!!
This post is a part of Match-up Event. The Event ended on July 15th.
Your match is Primo
He's really good at building your confidence. He'll always tell you how beautiful and amazing you are.
While he puts his paints on in the morning you often join him to put your makeup on.
You help each other out, he's an expert at applying black paint or eyeliner incredibly neatly. He struggles more now he's older but still its impressive.
He's very interested in your degree, although it's not his area of expertise he finds it fascinating.
He loves it when you draw outside and keep him company while he gardens. He'll sometimes grow plants into fun shapes or beautiful patterns for you to draw.
He's happy to read while you play video games, content in your company.
He'll sometimes join in and he's much better than you'd expect. After all he used to play with Terzo and Secondo when they were younger.
He apprecaites greatly the fact he can talk to you if he needs.
He's also there for you, you can talk to him anytime whenever about whatever, he's a very good listener.
He can tell when you are getting overwhelmed and he makes sure to take you somewhere calmer. If you want to be alone he'll leave you be, he'll normally just go in the next room so he's around if you need.
Or he's out in the garden and you know exactly where to find him. He'll have a fresh pot of tea brewed like he knew you'd be ready to come out at that exact time.
~
Written by Nyx.
#anon#match up#match up event#ghost band#ghost bc#ghost band x reader#ghost bc x reader#ghost x reader#papa emeritus i#primo#primo x reader
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Hey y'all, not exactly active on here, especially when talking about myself, but I really need to get some shit off my chest right now. I had a couple realisations yesterday that culminated in some shit I never thought I would be saying or thinking.
I never thought I could be anything but straight. I liked women, so I mustve been straight. Im definately an advocate for everyone giving their gender true consideration, even when most will come out the other side cis, and confidently so, as did I.
Then I realised I didn't like women in the way most straight guys do. Afer clearing up some prior misconceptions about Aromanticism and asexuality, I realised those two labels fit me perfectly. But sometimes I wonder why I still feel a certain way about girls. There's just something about the way they look that's appealing to me, even if I dont find girls attractive...
Oh shit. That wasn't attraction. That was envy.
So that train of thought kind of went from 0 to 10 real fucking fast. This realisation brought to my attention feelings that Ive had for a good while, but have passed off as r/196 induced brainrot. Besides, and this is the biggest thing that stopped me realising this earlier, I dont feel that who I am now is wrong. I look in the mirror, and I see myself. But I've only recently kinda grasped the concept that being trans isn't all about dysphoria, having dysphoria is not always the way to tell. Although I dont think being a man is wrong, fucking hell, being a girl would be much better. And it feels so fucking weird actually typing that.
But what I'm saying is, atleast for the time being, I could manage to just not do anything. Which is for the better seeing as my parents would start screaming at me for saying anything remotely in the direction of being an ally. And I live on TERF Island. Transitioning would be an absolute pain in the ass, especially right now, so it kinda feels like why bother when the way I am doesnt really feel wrong. Transitioning could be quite dangerous and have big risks, it kinda just feels like I dont need that shit in my life, Im already running on fumes and a list of people I need to outlive. I usually hold a mindset of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it", but this usually applies to binary things, like if my team wins using the same strat a few times in a row in CS, "Do it again, ain't broke, don't fix", but this is not nearly as binary as that, this isn't a win/loss.
Something that is both comforting and a little concerning is that no matter what, there is atleast a 2 year hold on this. I should be able to go to uni after that and start living my own life, but as of right now, doing something like transitioning is NOT an option. Ive got a 2 year long planning phase and Ive kinda just been taking stock tbh. I don't think "that" period of my life hit too hard, Im still skinny (Yeah, ik skinny =/= feminine but its better than being buff imo) kinda fuckin tall, if my growth follows the same as my brother did which it is so far Im gonna be like 6'3 by the end of that 2 years (6'1 now) so thats probably gonna be more of a mild annoyance than a genuine problem. My voice varies ALOT, I can have a pretty damn low voice, and a bit of a higher pitch, it naturally varies, I normally find I talk in a higher pitch when I'm happier and lower when Im trying to appear more... normal? idk, theres probably somrthing to think about in that.
Honestly idk, theres no real end point to this, I just wanted to talk about this somewhere. As much as I never saw myself being in this position, I use r/196, play ULTRAKILL, and Study Computer Science and want to continue it as a career path, cmon, it was only ever a matter of time, this was inevitable.
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regrets
the last time i wrote something here was when i was only 21, just a month short of 22. now im 31, 7 months away from being 32😅.
from now on, im gonna copy all the notes ive written in my phone here so that i wont lose them. i hope that one day i can share these notes with, idk, my future self? my offspring, if there's any? somebody else? never mind, its not too important. but i wish that someone will know the existence of this blog other than myself. idk if its even necessary. but, now let me begin.
so the world today is not the one i've been hoping to see when i was 21. prabowo won and jokowi has turned out to be an asshole. kinda regretted supporting him for the past 2 previous elections but okay. at least prabowo wasnt our president back then. work sucks but i choose not to care. people suck but its been always like that everytime. life sucks but good things happen. feelings change, happiness come and go. im stuck but ill go.
im still a kpop fan but now ive turne to seventeen. im not married yet because im still afraid but sometimes i want to. i dont even know what i want. i dont want kids but i always curious if i can raise a good one. might as well going to umrah again to ask for a different thing. Allah has granted my wish to continue my master this year and He gave me 5 LoAs already. i abandoned my dream uni because im lazy but maybe Allah knows best. i tried istikharah and i dreamed of meeting BP Lisa. my office mate told me that it meant i need to go to oz instead of other places. so okay😂 sometimes the regret of abandoning still hits me. tonight it hits me again. i need to buy a new tws. im getting distracted all the time. gotta improve myself before school starts.
also shouldve worn braces since eons ago. should shed my weight since many years ago. i procrastinate too much sometimes i regret not doing things.
university students are doing mass protests in the US. kids from the ivies and other prestigious unis. idk if unimelb children are doing the same. kinda regret not pursuing columbia even though ive been wanting it since my avid exo fanfics reader era. i remember wanting to go there because i liked kim jaeseop aka ukiss aj so much back then. idk where he is now. also the Office Antics fanfic that i read idk which exo member graduated from columbia in the story. but i felt so heavily influenced. things were kinda difficult at the beginning of this year. had a hard time making decisions whether i should just go with unimelb or if i should apply for cornell and columbia as well.
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I just heard the phone call Kobee Huddy made to the mental health crisis line before he was shot by police. I want to cry and scream and beat politicians over the head. The absolute callous, uncaring response from the specially trained nurse juxtaposed with Kobee’s genuine effort to seek help is almost too much to handle. Kobee Huddy was a 20-year old man living with significant mental health issues. While experiencing an intense episode of suicidal ideation after a bout of self-harm, he did exactly what he had been advised to do and called the mental health triage line. He had just been released from hospital the night before after having self-inflicted wounds stitched up and tended to. He calmly and politely explained his situation - that he was doing very poorly at the moment and desperately needed some support or advice, noting that there was currently blood dripping all over the bathroom. He was dismissed repeatedly, as the nurse explained how it wasn’t appropriate for the triage line to be his go-to support option, how she doesn’t have a magical wand to cure him, how there was really nothing she could do to help him, and how it’s up to him to simply ‘stop self-harming’. A record of this phone call is available here. Obvious trigger warnings. After this heartless dismissal, Kobee called the police and asked them to come, “for bloodshed”. The operator noted that this was all being recorded. Kobee called back a short time later to say that he had a gun and wanted to shoot cops. At this point, police were dispatched. When a single officer, Sgt. Mead, arrived he mistakenly believed that Kobee was holding a shotgun. In actuality, he had a knife. Kobee began to back away from the police while holding the knife but made two or three sudden steps at which point Mead shot him once, directly in the chest. It has since been revealed that sergeant Mead did not have an up-to-date taser licence and was supposedly waiting for back-up officers to arrive with tasers. When Kobee fell to the ground, he apologised to Mead. Kobee passed away in hospital two hours later, aged 20.
I spent the majority of 20s trying my absolute hardest to get into the mental health field. It’s the only ‘calling’ I’ve ever felt in life, and the only occupation beyond mechanical turk work/medical data entry that I truly believe I would excel in (I can type 110 word per minute, autism is my super power, etc). I’ve been taught by, treated by, and worked alongside, some notable figures in Australian mental health research and the development of recovery programs. I’m the perfect candidate for mental health peer worker positions except they no longer teach the course in my state. The same applies to drug and alcohol addiction courses. Furthermore, there is a gigantic entry barrier into the industry. Certificate IV’s and Diplomas get you absolutely nowhere. In fact, I think it’s horrifically cruel to still offer the courses when the powers that be know damn well that there are zero employment opportunities at the end. It’s a nice addition to further education if you’re already in the field but otherwise absolutely useless for someone trying to break into the industry. I take my hat off to psychology students - it’s long, gruelling, and almost always involves completely uplifting your life and moving to buttfuck nowhere to complete placement, often while living beneath the poverty line. I’ve read my far share of stories of people who desperately tried to finish their degree but had to stop because the very requirements of the course drastically effected their own mental health. However, I would rather be treated by someone with years of experience as a mentally ill person and who has dealt with the system internally, instead of a fresh-faced uni graduate who is excellent at compiling mathematical data in relation to medication trials, but has absolutely no idea how to talk to a suicidal person. This country is in the midst of a mental health crisis, particularly in regard to our young people, yet these systemic barriers are still in place. I have absolutely every skill necessary to talk with someone like Kobee, but I do not have the finances to attend university. I do not have the neurotypical traits to complete university in the “normal” way. What I do have is passion, empathy, and an innate drive to support marginalised members of my community. Compassion fatigue is commonplace in the industry, and this particular nurse should know damn well that she was no longer suitable for that particular role. I’m reminded of the time my mother called Lifeline while I was in the midst of one of my more destructive autistic meltdowns. I think I was 18. The person who answered the phone asked my mother if I mostly wore black clothing. When my mother confirmed this, the operator told her that “she just wants attention and she’ll get over it” and then hung up on my mum. I beat myself black and blue that day until I was loaded up with seroquel. I think of my classmate who contacted Lifeline earlier this year, only to be told that there was nothing they could do for her. She jumped in front of a train later that afternoon. Someone managed to grab her by the scruff of her shirt but her legs were beyond repair. One has been amputated, and the other one might be coming off, too, assuming her infection doesn’t clear up. There are too many cruel, uncaring people in this industry and yet so many of us with ~lived experience~ are desperate to help and contribute our expertise. It just makes me so fucking mad. A workmate asked me about goals and career progression the other day, and I froze up. What I would like to do, and what is plausible, are completely separate. Everyone thinks it’s bonkers that I’m not a mental health worker or teacher. Everyone wants me to go farther and reach my potential. Everyone except the fucking government and this bureaucratic red-tape that seems exclusively designed to keep out anyone who isn’t upper middle class or above.
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21.02.23
im in a terrible mood today!!!!
first of all because i stink! i don't know why. maybe it's hormonal or i ate something or idk. but i smell so bad! not like sweat but like a general bad odor like what's going on????
secondly, the master's degree bullshit is pissing me off! i spent the whole day writing a cover letter for this shit and i hate it. thank god for chatgpt but it doesn't help as much as i hoped it could. i mean i still have to come up with dumb shit about myself and sound enthusiastic. and i hate it!!!
and then i have no idea how to even apply! everything is online, i don't understand shit. the only way to contact people is by email and i hate emails. why can't i just call or talk to someone in person so that they could explain things to me and show how it's done? apparently i need to reapply to my uni as if i were a new student. but when i enter my student number an error message pops up like "you're already enrolled". like yeah, but it said i had to do it again! then there's also a button that says "id like to reenroll" but it sends you to a fucking contact form that says "we will reply within 3 business days". so i left a message like "hello! id like to reenroll please!". what am i supposed to do???
and then, cherry on top, i was like okay i'll deal with this reenrollment shit later, let's try to apply for the specific master's program through their online application thing. and ive already talked to a couple of people about my case and asked what i should do about the english exam bc im fluent but i don't have any like technical proof of it. and everyone was like yeahh it's fineee, you don't need a certificate if you're fluent. so i go on their online application thing and i literally can't go to the next page if i don't upload the english certificate! it says "if english is your mother tongue this is not mandatory" and at the same time when i want to go to the next page it says "this field is mandatory". so what do i do? upload a blank page?? oh and wait for it! i need another certificate no one fucking told me about! guess what it is!!! a fucking iq test!!! okay not like THE iq test but a thing called gre. and i googled what it is and it's this like fucking analytical reasoning test or whatever. and it's also racist.
and im sorry, not to be all like "i have 999 iq" but i do maths okay..?? what more proof do you need that im not stupid? qUanTiTaTiVe rEaSoNiNg how about you quantishut the fuck up!?!!!? like im smart enough to do maths but not smart enough to do a fucking economics degree when economics is basically astrology for straight people.??? like give me a break. i already declined taking an actual iq test because iq is racist and i don't want to partake in racist things. and now there's this fucking gdr bullshit. and it costs 200 bucks to take!!!! for what????
anyway i sent an email like "umm i am not taking any expensive ass exams um no thanks". like dude why can't i just go to the fucking manager of the faculty or whoever the fuck and give them my cover letter and ask my questions? noooo i have to write fucking emails and fill in their fucking contact forms. like all of this could be solved in a 5 minute conversation.
also, third thing, i went to see the students union today because i have a bone to pick with my functional analysis professor. that's a whole different story. but anyway, i wanted to know if anything could be done about that. like can i possibly refuse the grade i got bc it was unfair? huge respect to the union btw, i love them, they occupied the cafeteria last year and now we have cheap lunches, it's great. and so yeah i went to see them to ask for advice and they guided me quite well but they also asked how everyone else felt about the exam in question. and i would love to know but no one in my class wanted to talk to me about it! i sent a message today, no one replied. and then this evening i insisted and guess what! one guy replied to my message like "not to be mean, but the exam was easy".
like broooo if you're a fucking functional analysis genius good for you!!! do you want a medal or what?? the guy is a child prodigy and with all due respect, i didn't ask his opinion! like good for you if you found it easy but when you're the exception to the rule maybe you should just like not ruin it for everyone! and what's with the "not to be mean"??? why did he have to phrase it like that? like he could've just said that he found it easy and that's it. now it sounds mean when you say it like that!
anyway, im stinky and angry and all i want to do is first of all take a shower but also cuddle with my ex and not think about anything and be in love and not have to worry about uni and degrees and functional analysis and all this crap. </3
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oh hell yeah
1. Do you make your bed? not,,, really? idk i pull the blanket back up but thats it. i dont even do that every day
2. Favorite number? 3 9 7 13 25. love em
3. What's your job? dominos delivery driver 🔥🔥🔥its tolerable
4. If you could back to school, would you? high school? god no i would rather die. uni? im currently in it rn but idk im thinking of going back when i graduate
5. Can you parallel park? did it exactly once five minutes before my driving test and never again. i dont even reverse park dude i dont hate myself
6. Do you think aliens are real? odds are theres life out there somewhere but it definitely isnt anything like our stereotypical perception of 'life'. i dont even think its intelligent
7. Can you drive a manual car? lmao nope
8. Guilty pleasure? finding someome with terrible takes on tumblr.com, scrolling through their blog and reporting The Horrors to my friends. also reading text dumps and wikis of things i already know (deltarune text dump save me)
9. Tattoos? one on my shoulder of the more scared of you than you are of me album cover, and im considering getting the heart symbol but that wont be for a while
10. Favorite color? orange dark green dark blue
11. Favorite type of music? video game soundtracks aus hip hop or whiny guys with guitars
12. Do you like puzzles? fuck yeah lemme at em. i have like 650 hours in picross alone
13. Any phobias? i dont. think so?
14. Favorite childhood sport? little athletics,, i only ever did that + netball and i enjoyed it so much more
15. Do you talk to yourself? all the goddamn time its a problem tbh
16. Tea or coffee? neither. i have the taste of a 5 year old
17. First thing you wanted to be growing up? either author, vet or microroboticist? idk i cant remember that far back and i dont think i ever thought about my future that much. game developer came out of nowhere tbh id literally never considered IT until like a few months before i applied to uni so. shrugs
18. What movies do you adore? i dont really watch too many movies? ill forever love the spiderverse on a pure artistic level, how to train your dragon is a fucking masterpiece that ive loved and will continue to love for years, and i saw the tv glow is probably the first time i felt seen by a movie. i never want to be seen again
tagging: @pebbie-domemi @deymik @a-cat-in-toffee @dragonsyot @eridude and anyone else who wants to do it ! do whatever you want forever yk
get to know me ‼️
thanks to @dear-space-cadet for the tag :-)
1. Do you make your bed? not really, but i do tidy up my bed a little
2. Favorite number? probably 7, i know its a popular favourite number but thog dont c aare its a good number
3. What's your job? don’t have one 💪 🔥 💯 i plan to apply to some like. shelf-stocking and similar type jobs soon when i get round to it
4. If you could back to school, would you? haven’t left it yet so i dont have much choice in the matter here lol
5. Can you parallel park? never tried but i doubt it considering i cant drive lmao
6. Do you think aliens are real? i believe theres bound to be other forms of life somewhere out there but idk if i believe in aliens in the traditional sense
7. Can you drive a manual car? once more i cannot drive any car
8. Guilty pleasure? watching true crime videos and then getting paranoid, getting into stupid arguments in youtube comment sections & getting way too invested in niche internet discourse
9. Tattoos? none atm and i dont think i plan to get any . but that could change
10. Favorite color? dull-ish blue (similar to the colour of my blog)
11. Favorite type of music? truly i cannot pick one
12. Do you like puzzles? jigsaw puzzles im ambivalent towards, logic puzzles i usually enjoy
13. Any phobias? no full-on phobias but i do kinda freak out at the idea of swimming with jellyfish
14. Favorite childhood sport? climbing!
15. Do you talk to yourself? all the time 👍
16. Tea or coffee? to be fully honest i drink neither but i’d have to say tea . ive had more tea than coffee in my life and i enjoy tea more generally
17. First thing you wanted to be growing up? when i was like 3-6 i would always say i wanted to be a dog (bc i did) and when i eventually came to terms with that not being a career option, i would usually say artist (but i also somewhat wanted to be a comedian from like ages 7 or 8 to age 10)
18. What movies do you adore? saw (2004) is my absolute fav, i also love donnie darko, american psycho, zoolander, ten inch hero & anything directed by jordan peele. + horror movies in general are my favs
im gonna actually continue a tag game for once SOOO. tags (no pressure ofc 👍): @nintendont2502 @gorillaxyz @s-ccaam-era-crepe @paranormalglass @dykesism
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