#well she didnt say that last part but there needs to be some order in here

[autisticlee]

"just be yourself" has always been one of my most hated things to hear from someone. it may sound simple and easy to you, but when you grew up never able formed a single solid personality (because you grew up autistic or for some other reason) and/or have always felt more like 20 different personalities in a trench coat who fight over who is supposed to be in charge, that "simple" advice is so much less simple.....it can even seem impossible.

[floofeh-purpi]

Getting isekai'd?! (Part 2)

Sagau! Genshin Fatui x Gn! Reader (ft. Your bsf)

Warnings: Im too lazy to put anything here rn...

『Beloved fluffball/s mentioned below! 💜』

@justmare

◇

You can tell me if you wanna be tagged in the next part :)

Sidenote: Someone please teach me how links wpek in tumblr plesae 🤠

Part 1 here :>

★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

The harbingers we're having a meeting with, well, y'know... the usual and boring ass stuff with the Tsaritsa. That is until they were interrupted by a group of fatui agents, who panted as they almost unintentionally broke the door.

"P-pardon us for the interruption. Y-your Majesty." A female agent stammered out. "B-but this is... urgent."

*Insert them telling their surperiors that they spotted someone (you ofc) that looked like their Grace and that the person was with another person and a wolf-looking creature (they dont know its your dog ok 😭🤚) *

"Someone that looks like... Our Grace? Are you certain?"

"Yes. Your Majesty."

★

"The jacket's nice..." You awkwardly said out of the blue as d/n happily walked around the snowy terrain, his/her paws making a faint yet satistfying crunch on the snow as he/she walked, with a leash much to the poor doggo's dismay (cus bro this huge baby loves running around without a leash)

"Awh, thanks n/n (nickname)" Your bsf answered in a sing-song tone.

"Remember the time we met bro?" (You call your bsf bro regardless of their gender, they dont mind lol)

"Yeh, lol."

♤ (story of when you guys met cus idk what to put here)

You guys met in around 1st year high school when your teacher said that their is an art competition coming up and everyone is to be partnered up with another student in a different section.

Oh, how faith was feeling generous that day, by making the teacher partner you with y/b/f/n... Though, you had to admit, it was kinda awkward at first...

"Yo."

"Yo."

"So like, whats your name bro? You seem cool."

"Name's y/n."

"Ohmigash nice name. My name's y/b/f/n, wanna be friends?"

"Sure brooo"

Just as when as your new friend tried to extend their arm for a handshake, they may have accidentally spilt some paint with their arm. Oops.

"Oh shitttt..." You cursed in your head.

"Oh nah, we is cooked. 😢"

Yeah yall got a not-so-fun scolding for 2 hours by the trainer.

♤ (end of story lmao)

"Yo, I think d/n is thirsty rn..." Your friend pointed at the panting husky. Poor cutie patootie. You thought before you realizing you didnt bring water with you. "Ah damn, I didnt bring water, we gotta go back now. Sorry bud." You apologized to d/n who was still panting. Give him/her water you little shi-

★

After you guys FINALLY arrived back to your home, you immediatly opened the door and got some water for d/n.

"There y'go, you cutie patootie of a dog." You cooed as you petted d/n, who was drinking water happily.

★

"Where is this... person, you say?" The Captain crossed his arms.

"We last spotted them near a house, sir. They were with someone else and a creature that appeared to be a wolf of sorts."

"Hm~? A house~?" Columbina asked in her soft, sing-song voice.

"Yes mam."

After that the Tsaritsa ordered everyone, the harbingers included (for you simps), to go to this house and see if its actually their creator or nah.

The end.

Sike bitch.

D/n fell asleep on his/her bed. Bruh.

You guys sat down on the couch, an awkward silence could be felt between you, Though it was cutted off by a knock on your door.

"Ima go get it."

"Bruh sure, ima head into my room if you need me." You gave y/b/f/n a thumbs up before going up the stairs. Unaware of the big surprise thats coming to you. Both of you.

☆

Posted: June 28, 2024. 11:48am.

【Part 3】

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being friends with someone my roommate didnt like?

ok this might be long but here we go. Last semester I had a roommate who I liked pretty well, and we had a mutual friend, H. At some point, roomie got mad at h because h had apparently outed someone as schizophrenic.

H is not exactly anti-weed, but she is very adamantly against it for herself and anyone else at risk of psychological complications from it. My roomie was smoking with someone who h knew to be schizophrenic, so h told the group that they were smoking with about her concerns. I don't really agree with the way h went about this, but I'm ashamed to admit I sort of forgot to bring it up with her.

Later, h told me that roomie was avoiding her, and we talked about her possibly apologizing and why it was something roomie was particularly sensitive to.

[I'm afraid there's something missing here, maybe something more that I did to drive roomie away. I dunno.]

Roomie began to avoid both of us, but I didn't realize that it was on purpose and I was probably forcing myself into conversations with them because of that. Eventually, roomie started to move out of our room without telling me. Somewhere towards the beginning of this, a mutual friend? of ours made a joke about them looking for a new roommate. I asked why their books were all packed up, they told me it was because they'd be taking them home for thanksgiving. I thought ok, sounds like a lie, but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. I truly had no idea why they would be moving out. I gradually went a little crazy watching them sleep in another room and pack all their stuff up, all the while saying nothing to me about it. I finally asked them about it, and they told me yes, they were moving out. Problem is though I think they might've been upset about something already when I asked about it? But they said they were fine so I accepted that as the truth. Again, I dunno. I think I was rude during this interaction but sadly can't remember anything I said besides yelling maybe the start of a sentence and then cutting myself off.

They moved out the next morning. I offered to help, they asked me not to. I was really upset and, stupidly, decided to take it up with them. That evening when I asked if we could talk, they openly rolled their eyes at me. I know it's stupid and probably the most asshole-y thing in this ask, but that drove me crazy. I said some shit, I don't remember what, but part of it was that I was "disappointed" in them. I don't know what that was supposed to be but it was NOT what I wanted to say. They, understandably, were really mad. I left and, too soon, texted them an apology. They replied, not rudely, telling me they don't want any contact with me, but also said, and I'll paraphrase, that they knew h had told me some things (probably referring to the possible reasons they moved out) and [my] friend is one of the reasons [they] left because they like to lie. This really hurt me because I still have no idea what this was about.

Later on, I'm not sure how much later, I was talking to h while roomie and their friends were in the next room. h was saying some things about the situation that I thought were a little extreme. I don't totally remember the order of events but it somehow ended up that roomie was yelling at h and they said something about h "creeping on transmasc freshmen." H is a trans woman and a sophomore, we are college students. I have a vague idea of who this might be referring to, if not myself or my roomie, who I don't think identifies as transmasc, but h had led me to believe that things ended amicably with this third party.

Anyways this story doesnt totally fit the aita format but I just needed to write it all out. If you're involved in this story, please know I'm trying not to be mad abt it anymore which is why I'm submitting it here, I'm hoping to be told why i'm TA or NAH.

What are these acronyms?

[crystlizabeth]

Dangerously Yours.

Paring: Carl Grimes x Blackfem!Smith!Reader

Paring: Negan Smith & BlackDaughter!Reader

Summary: You two where enemies, but there was just something that drew you two each other, but a war was in the making.

Warning: cursing, mentions of childhood trauma and abuse.

A/n: Carl lives au!! And im gonna add some songs that came out not during TWD time like or after 2013 i think! This is kinda of a self insert, This might be multiple parts, I noticed its turned into a Negan Smith x Daughter reader along with Carl x reader so enjoy.

The first time you met him he caught an additude with you trying to take some batteries out of your hand, it didn’t go well for him you grabbed his wrist twisting it telling him to fuck off. There were more instances when you would go and he somehow always pissed you off but it made sense you and Carl Grimes where enemies. So where your fathers you didn’t quite know what had all happed but you did know people died, some of your people and a few of his.

Now you where on your way back to Alexandria for a pick up you went along this time to see Eden, she was a decent girl but also a girl your age it wad hard to find friends in this day in age. Eden was closed of and was always followed by the one and only one eyed grimes, but that didn’t stop you from trying to get to know her and one of those ways was music, may it be mp3, cds or even vinyls.

“I found this mix tape a while back, its a costume one and actually really good music.” You said to Eden as you walked with her towards the supply house.

“Any songs you can recognize?” She asked taking the tape from your hand.

“Not really only a few like, Elvis, Hozier, Taylor swift, i hear alot of her music in the mixes i find.” You ended with a small laugh.

“I like Taylors music, Elvis’s pretty good to” she said with a small smile.

You two shared similar music taste even rap, you two enter the supply room running into Negan, Rick, Carl and a gal with glasses.

“Lookie here, making friends are we?” Your dad asked his usual grin on his face.

“Yeah you could say just trading some music but i need some batteries.” You said shrugging your shoulders.

Rick moved out of the way as the lady with glasses handed you 4 batteries “I only need two don’t worry about it. Unless,” you look over at Eden., “you need any?” She shook her head you nodded and handed two of the batteries back to her.

“Thank you..” you spoke lightly waiting for her name.

“Oh, its Olivia.” She said she voice shaken.

“Well thank you Olivia.” You said then turning to your dad.

“Not giving her a hard time are you?”

Negan raised his eyebrow giving you a cheeky grin “Not at all this time they actually have there shit in order.” He spoke wiggling around the list in his hand.

Nodding you left with Eden heading back to the truck with Carl running behind you two.

“Eden where are you going?” He asked.

She held the bag up in her hand that was filled with music “Trading music.” She answered simply.

He didnt say anything but continued to follow you two, you could feel his eyes burning you in the back of your head he watched every move you made.

You and Eden had gone through a crate you brought she had taken out a few albums and surprise mix tapes you liked to call them. She took ‘I love you.’ The neighborhood, ‘Anti’ Rhianna, ‘AM’ arctic monkeys and ‘Lungs’ Florance and the machine. You didn’t take any from her she didn’t have many good options so you just lended them to her.

“Really you want nothing back.” Carl voiced from behind you.

Giving him a glare “yeah theres no reason for me to take what little music she has, what are you even doing here doing you had somthing better to do cyclops.”

He glared at you “good to know your an asshole like your dad.” He spat back, he didnt appreciate the nickname but you weren’t a fan when he called you a bitch last week so your really didn’t give two shits.

“At least my dad doesn’t stand around like a bitch between his legs last time I checked you did the dirty work.” You said walking past him.

He turned to say something only for his dad to stop him. You only scoffed turning away.

A few weeks later you saw him again but this time he came by one of the trucks, he shot a few of your fathers men. When that whole mess was cleaned up Laura came and got you saying ‘your dad needs your help.’

You walked down the hall meeting Your Dad, Carl and Daryl out side on the little balcony. Carl didn’t have his bandage on this time covering his eye, Carl put his head was down after meeting your eyes.

“Whats up?” You asked.

Negan smiled “I need a favor Sweetheart, Carl here needs a little tour but i need to fix some shit the he fucked up. Keep and eye on him yeah?” He spoke looking at Carl.

“Sure just us or..?”

“Just you two, get to know each other and dont kill him, I for one actually like him unlike you.” He said laughing a little knowing the tension between you both.

“If he keeps the attitude to a minimum.. personally not a fan of it unlike you.” You say crossing your arms moving more of you weight to one side of your body.

With that they left leaving you and Carl by the railing watching over the workers, a few kids running around playing with one another.

“Is he actually your dad?” Carl asked breaking the silence. You weren’t surprised why he asked you, you two didn’t look alike and many obvious aspects.

You looked at him, his eye focused on you looking you up and down and searching for any kind of reaction. You watched as his eyes finally met yours again.

“No..” you said admitting it to him.

He tilted his head a little as a way of say ‘What’.

“He found me at the beginning of this, what about 3 years ago? Put it simply my biological father left me to fend for myself, fucked up right?” You said walking towards a stair way sitting down on the steps.

Carl stared down at you, looking up at him through your curls letting a laugh out from the look if his face.

“Are you serious..” he asked sitting down with you.

You looked over at him, “Yeah but my father had never actually been a good person. He was far from a good parent. He was a selfish, abusive man, he wasn’t fit for kids non the less 3 girls.”

Carl seemed interested. “You have Sisters?”

“Had.”

“Oh, sorry I didn’t know.” He said.

You leaned back on the stairs “Why would you? We aint friends.”

He nodded turning his head looking straight. He seemed vulnerable almost. But so where you you just opened up, trauma dumped to some guy you haven’t been able to stand for months. But in that moment there was a kind if peace and understanding.

“Why did you stick around after knowing all the bad things he’s done?” Carl asked looking back at you.

“All the bad.. nobody is good or bad. Especially in this, it survival.” You scoffed, he tried to makes his people out to be what they weren’t.

“He killed good people, friends, one of them had a kid on the way!”

You looked at him your eyes nerow slightly “Your little group took out an whole outpost of more than 50 people. Many of them had family and one of the women there was carrying a child.” You spoke sharply.

“Your people, your friends aren’t so clean of blood. Nor are you.” You finished harshly.

He did say anything else. Only looked back at his hands fidgeting with them in irritation.

He knew you where right, but he also knew you weren’t clean of blood either nobody was. There is no good or bad anymore just survivors.

You both eventually got up and you showed him around. How things work, people had jobs they earned money and they got what they need. That this was our normal, even you worked did chores to earn your keep.

You two continued to talk to each other, getting to know each other you never talked about either of your peoples. There was a spark for only knowing him and hating him for the past few months he understood you. They way his eyes lingered on you as you talked how he took in every word you where saying. What was that feeling that lingered as he left the feeling of wanting to see him again.

As weeks went by you two spoke over walkies, nit the safest options but it worked. You hadn’t let anyone this close since Negan, funny how you wanted nothing to do with this boy but now you did. He made you laugh over stupid things, gave you good advice as you did with him. He heard you cry for the first time, you even snuck out to see him one time showing him a little abandoned house by the river it was the first time in long time you both had fun.

He was feeling it two, his heart fluttered at the way you smiled, how he always held eye contact taking in the sight of you as it may be the last. You did the same but he never caught you looking at him like the way he did you. The hard truth you knew was that you two are enemies, maybe not you two but your Dads, your people.

But then shit hit the fan.

You didn’t get trapped in a sanctuary when they attacked the place, you watched as the walkers surrounded the building the echos of gun shots rang through your ears as you watched in horror as rick started to shot him down.

The only thing you could do is try and reach a different outpost. Warn them, but then you where caught.

He didn’t look familiar which scared you even more, you quicky grabbed your knife cutting his arm. He let go of you making you fall back only for someone else to grab you.

“The little bitch cut me!” The one man yelled you turned around quickly ready to strike again thats when you saw Rick and Daryl.

Your heart dropped, you where surrounded. Rick took a step toward you his hands visible “Dont Fucking come near me!” You yelled.

Rick put is gun down on the ground “Relax I don’t wanna hurt you.” His voice was calm.

“Then fuck off!”

“Where are you gonna go.” Daryl spoke.

You eyes shot over to him, you didn’t answer him. He was right though where were you gonna go, to an outpost you didn’t even know where it was at.

“Y/n we just wanna help you. I told Carl you wouldn’t get hurt.” Rick said.

Why would that matter?

“Please. Just come with us.”

You just looked at him, dumfounded.

Was it stupid yes, but you went with them handing over your weapons and walked to the gates. As they open they looks you got looks of horror from them. Rick pulled on my arm slightly letting go when I flinched. He took me into a house there sat a few people talking about what to do next.

But the all stop once their eyes landed on me.

“Sit.” Daryl said pointing at the couch his tone serious.

You where scared what did they want with you what was their plan, why where you not dead, locked up. You picked at your finger s peeling the skin off them drowning out everything around you. What the fuck is happening.

A hand fell on both of your hands you quickly looking up you saw him. His face filled with concern, he spoke but you never heard what he said the way he brows frowned trying to reach you. You began to break as both of his hand touched your arms squeezing them slightly wanting and answering out of you.

“Why am I here...” your voice tender and cracked.

“I..” Carl started but never finished he just looked at you.

“Why the hell am I here.” You asked again.

He took a deep breath “Help us end this.”

You stared at him, help them, help them. Why would you help them.

“Get away from me… Get AWAY.” You shouted pushing him away.

He stood back as you stood up, your hands gripping harshly on your hair.

“Your fucking kidding me right?! What makes you think I would help you, help these people! You know how crazy you sound.” You slightly laugh the frustration in your voice very clear. These people wanted your help. They just destroyed the only place you called home.

“Please Y/n, please.. hear us out.” Carl said.

“Your acting a fool, you just attacked my people, my home! Theres more than just Negan in there theres kids! Family, old people! What the fuck is wrong with you guys!” You yelled. “And- and you know that.. you saw it, so did he!” You finished pointing at Daryl.

They all knew that.

“What makes you think you can trust me anyway? What it your head makes you think I wouldn’t betray you.” You said your arms falling to your sides.

“Because your the one that let me out of that cell, made sure I had a clear way out.” Daryl spoke up.

You looked at him, he knew.

“And I trust you.” Carl said. “They may not but you help out friend and you’ve earned my trust, my respect.”

You shook your head, you wanted to cry, to cry like a little kid. Carl came to you again slowly pulling you in for a slight hug. Something sincere he cared for you he may have only truly known your for few weeks but he wanted you safe but with that came a cost. The talks over that walkie you had with him you could careless who herd them. Carl had fallen for a girl who he couldn’t have with out a cost.

“Y/n your something to believe In again, you could change things. Help your people.” Rick spoke.

You wanted to help your people, they deserved it they deserved to be safe. To have a life beyond the sanctuary. Alexandria was a safe place but so was your home they where good people in there people who don’t know how to protect themselves.

“But you’ll have to go behind, Negan. Lie to him.” Michonne finished.

Your head snaped at her, “I cant, i… i wont! I’ll just lie to you tell him your plans.” You said trying to get them to not believe you.

“If you do you’ll only hurt yourself…”

For my people.. but the cost was to betray a man who would do anything for you. You caught Carls eye he gave you a pleading look. He practically begged you with that look, betray your Dad for a boy.. for a boy and peace between people.

“If i betray you, I hurt myself.. if i betray my people, my family, I betray my dad, my dad is very important to me..”

“More important than your people and peace dont you want more for those family’s. For us.” Carl said, him whispering the last part only for you to hear.

For us..

You wanted that more than anything..

“Okay..”

So you helped them, you got back in through a old drain the led into the basement, you knew people would have noticed you where gone or maybe not.

When you saw Simon and Dwight they nodded at you figured you where out hidden in your room. Stupid men.

But you also knew Dwight was working with them as well, he was a traitor too.

Days had passed they finally cleared the walkers out. The plan was to attack hilltop but there was a twist, Negan on the other hand didn’t want you to have any part of it he stated “I need you here, with out people.” So you stayed.

You stayed back with your people started cleaning up putting things back together, when they came back your dad wasn’t to be seen.

“Wheres my dad?” You asked walking up to simon, he shared a look with Dwight looking back at you.

“Someone ran him off the road, all we found was blood when we finally found his car…” Simon said his tone quiet.

All you could do was stare at him “what.. is he.”

They nodded, the two men shared a look again.

Something isn’t right. They’re lying, they gotta be he couldn’t just be killed that easily.

After that Simon took charge, he seemed pleased with himself it was sickening. He bossed everyone around hell even threatened you that if you didn’t keep your mouth shut there would be ‘consequences’. It was just crazy to you, how easily he forgot his place.

But even now you had a job. So you did it you told them what happened leaving a note in the woods for them to find.

When you got back, There stood Negan. He turned to look at you giving you a smile.

“Hiya Sweetheart, how ya been.” His voice sweet giving you a hug.

“They said you where dead.” You said in a whisper only for him to hear.

He nodded looking at you back to Simon who was staring you down. You already knew he was fucked but lets make it worse, not here though. Negan wanted to talk anyway.

You sat on the couch in his room waiting for him, he startled you out of your trace as he placed his hand on the side if your head kissing you on the top of the head.

“Now tell me what the shit has he all done..?” He asked coming around sitting next to you.

“He pretty much took over your place bossing people around, and that attack on hilltop went south from what I heard, oh! He also threatened me” you said.

He turned his head to look at me. “ Do I dare ask what he said..” his voice went dark the look he held could kill.

You told him you may have exaggerated it a bit but you could careless the son of a bitch deserved it. His actions has consequences.

After that conversation you just sat there with him your head laying on his shoulder your arms wrapped around his arm.

“Im sorry..” you spoke softly, you could feel your throat swell up as you hold back tears.

“Its not your fault, Princess..” its been a minute since he’s called you princess, hell you where. You may not be his blood but your the only child he’s ever had, you where his daughter, his little girl.

The day finally came, but you weren’t standing with them you stood with Carl not your Father. The sound of that familiar call rang through your ears as everyone raised there gun.

“Well damn Rick, lookie here.” Negans voice echoed through a radio.

“Pegged again, pegged so very hard.”

Everyone moved around looking for them “ I ambushed your ambush with an even bigger ambush.” You could hear a slight chuckle after.

“Why don’t you step out and face us!” Rick yelled out as he looked around looking for any kind of movement.

“Oh I am everywhere Rick.” He said.

You closed your eyes settling your breath you felt a hand on your back, opening your eyes looking to you left you saw carl. He gave you a nod trying to give you some kind of comfort. You could hear Negan he went on talking about Eugene and Dwight, going to to Gabriel. Then he said your name.

“Where is my daughter because I would love to know. Kind fucked up how your little psycho of a son came in one day and now my daughter is gone. You happen to know anything about that.” His voice was serious, you had been gone since yesterday.

Rick looked back at you, you shook your head telling him not to say a word.

“But here we go, congratulations Rick.” Was the last thing he said before he started a count down.

They came out starting to fire only for their weapons to back fire on them.

Every thing happend to fast.

Soon enough they had surrendered, the saviors where on their knees hands in the air. Rick and Negan ran off, you looked around for them Carl and Rosita following behind me a little.

You finally got up to the hill you saw them standing in-front of each other talking, Negans face fell looking like he was going to cry at what Rick said. For a moment they stood there. Then it happened.

“NO!” You screamed, you went to run towards them only for Rosita to grab you holding you tightly.

“NO YOU LIER! YOU SAID YOU WERNT GONNA KILL HIM!” You Sobbed, struggling against Rosita and she tried calming you down.

“You fucking Lier! Please he’s all i have, please.” You begged your body slightly collapsing in Rositas Arms Carl came in front of you helping Rosita turn you so you did have to see him bleed out.

“You fucking people lied. I trusted you.” You cried.

“I didn’t know, Y/n I didn’t know.” Carl said his hands cupping your face making you looks at him.

Your sobs continue, As you fell into his arms. Rosita let go of you only staying behind you. The only thing in the field you could hear was you sobbing, Carls gentle tone trying to calm you. His hand gently rubbing your back, your hands covered your face your head resting on Carls shoulder.

“Save him.”

You pushed of Carls shoulder looking up. The widow started to do the same thing you had just done, Michonne holding her back as she yelled at rick, begging him to keep Negan dead.

“We have to make it right.” Maggie sobbed.

A year had now passed, you hadn’t been able to see Negan they wouldn’t let you. But what they did do it tell him that you had helped them, not by much but you did.

“Why would they do that..” you asked, Carl looked up at you.

“In not sure.. ask my dad why he did.” He said, you only glared at him.

“Common babe, you cant hold that anger with him forever especially that your my girlfriend.” He laughed slightly standing up from the step turning to you pulling you up.

“Its called a grunge, and yeah I can. They go on telling Negan i betrayed him and i don’t even get to explain my self to him.” You spoke the irritation in your voice quite visible.

Carl sighed, “I know Y/n..” he pulled you in by your hands.

“Talk to Michonne, you like her at lest.” Carl said giving you a kiss.

So you where gonna do just that but first you had to find her. When you did she was with Judith on the porch Rosita with her. Rosita gave you a smile as she left.

Michonne looked at you giving you a small smile “Hi Y/n how are you?” She said.

“Im fine but i have a question.” You spoke, she nodded letting you continue.

“Why wont you let me see him” befor she could speek you cut her off “I know i ask this way to often but you told him everything i could attest give him an exclamation, you just letting him believe that what i did was for the worst, so please. Wouldn’t you want Carl to tell you if that had happened to him not just to stay quiet and believe he did it to hurt you.” You finished.

Michonne signed “You’ll have five minutes.”

Your face light up “Thank you, Thank you!”

She grabbed Judith giving her to a friend as she walked you to the basement, Carl and Rosita followed you two and you walked down the stairs she told you to wait.

“You have a Visitor.” She said before waving you in.

It was dark but you could see him, and he looked like shit. “Five minutes.” Michonne said walking over to the door keeping it open but she walked up them.

The silence between you two lingered for a minute, after all that begging you couldn’t get your self to say anything but when he did your heart dropped.

“Well kid, hows your new life, boyfriend, freedoms.” He said harshly.

“I-its fine, can I explain..” you said.

He stood up moving to the bars looking at you. “What that you stabbed me in the back yeah I got that.”

“Dont be a dick-”

“Really your gonna call me the dick?” He scoffed.

“I never meant you any harm i wanted what was best for our people.” You said softly.

He didn’t say anything, his eyes never left you but he was mad and he had every right to be. You had all of his trust, he would’ve done anything for you and you betrayed him. Everything he had done for you was thrown out the window after that stunt those 4 years were practically all for nothing.

“I know your mad at me and you have every right to be, I just wanted our people to see more the kids in the sanctuary to have more of a life beyond that, here those kids have a playground more people to become friends with.” You said, you watched as he turned around midway through you talking, he didn’t want to look at you.

You took a breath in bitting your lip to stop you self from crying, you crossed your arms holding your self in a hug.

“I haven’t seen you in a year man common say something, yell at me something anything.” You spoke in a whimper your lip trembling.

Nothing.

“Please don’t hate me.” Your tears fell down your cheeks.

“Your all i have left to family, I never thought I would call someone dad again let alone a man that actually cared for me..” you cried out your head falling down looking that the floor.

The tears continue to fall down your face making your cheeks glisten. He was your dad, maybe it was a cycle with you to make them hate you at some point.

“I don’t hate you, I don’t think I could ever bring myself to hate you.” He said quietly not turning around.

“Then why wont you look at me..” you asked not even sure if you wanted to know the answer.

He sighed deeply turning around “That better?”

You nodded not sure what to say next, things may never be the same again but you do know that is he doesn’t hate you, you didn’t have to worry about the fear of him never wanting to see you again.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Telling them you love them for the first time (Zooble, Jax, Kinger, Pomni)

woooo im almost done with my tycoon, i think this might be the last post of the night since im!!!! sleeeeeepy!! so uhuh yeah might make a part 2 of this with the rest of the cast, would do all of them in this but im too tired to think

POMNI:

i think she would stare at you for a second, before it sinks in what you said. you didnt even make a big show of it, you just said it casually in the conversation... she tugs the ends of her hat before asking for you to repeat what you said... and you say it again.. i think a smile would spread across her face before she repeats what you said back... because its her truth, she loves you too... in fact this might very well be her first time saying it to you, too... so you both get to do it together, figuratively holding one another hand in this next step

JAX:

i think he would ask you to repeat yourself, too.... but pomni was unsure of what you said at first, jax heard you loud and clear the first time.. he just wants to hear you say it again.. kind of has this smug little look on his face.. i dont think at this point in time he said he loved you, i mean yeah its in his body language and actions that he does like you, but he hasnt actually said it flat out yet... and i think it might be a while before he does... his whole.. being vulnerable thing really kicks in for stuff like that... probably keeps asking you to repeat it before you decide to stop humoring him... all in lighthearted fun, though

KINGER:

this is going to be huge for him, considering that he never thought he would get into another relationship after... his previous one... so hearing you say it brings a lot of feelings in him. love, because he really does love you... guilt, because even though hes a widow, he still also loves his queen... but also... he cant help but feel that this can be a chance to heal, and to let himself be happy just this once.. and to feel at peace.. i think... while he wont say he loves you back just yet, at least no those three words... he does say something akin to it, he just cant bring himself to say those three words. baby steps, for him.. but know that hes going to think about what you said for the next few days

ZOOBLE:

their antennae stiffen before 'drooping' a little and readjusting themselves. they try to pretend you didnt just say that, but they absolutely did... i think they would mumble an i love you back... though it comes out muddled but hey theres something there! another one thats going to need some time to say it loud and clear, but zooble generally doesnt know how to articulate their feelings, both due to not having the words for it but also because they dont have the nerve. a big chunk of their attitude stems from them simply accepting things as they are in order to keep from abstracting... or rather from going nuts, since i think they were already like this before getting stuck in the digital world... but... that aside... they are better at showing you they care

[yellowymellon]

Family theory ⬇️

i'm abt to present the most controversial theory ever/j it's just a silly one xD (beware tis long)

as far as we know, xipe themselves descend on the charmony festival. but does this hymn insinuates that multiple faces descend instead of the entirety of xipe? let's first see the content of this hymn:

it starts by talking abt dominicus as a manifestation of xipe, dominicus means sunday, this could be further supported by the many mentions of law and authority as sunday is shown to be orderly, methodical and obessesive compulsive. "the gazillions of old laws have all faded" i suppose that could be ena which makes sunday even more connected to them.

constantina is the second manifestation who is a singer. who else is a probable emenator of harmony and is a singer?

from the collectible cards found in penacony, robin's says the following "Surrounded by vibrant lights, the audience was moved to tears by her voice. All the flaws, ugliness, deception, and loneliness in life were forgotten." it fits well as robin is many times portrayed in this manner.

Aelenev, his description is abt battles and war, it might be a metaphor but it could be talking abt the very distant past of penacony. there isnt much info i can derive from here or firmly link it to someone but i have someone in mind.

beatriz, while dance seems like the main characteristic but so is singing and feasting. "the world is a ball" i think beatriz resides over culture and entertainment.

now before i talk abt who i think the last two are i need you to know the family lineages, there's 5 families. the name followed by purpose by the head :

oak - management - sunday

nightingale - construction - Sir Whittaker (npc)

bloodhound - security - head unknown

Iris - entertainment -  Maeven Ellis

alfalfa - economy - oti alfalfa

ofc the dreammaster exists as a seperate entity of all 5.

there's some truth to the first pic, the dreammaster does control the 5 families, and his orders are absolute. the history here could be altered by History Fictionologists, followers of enigmata.

the hymn only mentions 4 ppl tho, 2 are the closest to sunday and robin, the latter isnt even a family head, which is a bit weird but makes sense why she gets invited to the charmony festival. but beatriz very much matches with iris' head, Maeven Ellis. Aelenev is more tricky to define but he could be Gopher Wood, found in the collectibles. i couldn't find anything concrete in his description but "we have discovered the lord's disciple in the mortal world" is an interesting line, i mostly took his appearance in consideration :

(ignore aideen and lesley) anyway- gopher wood seem to carry a 'gospel' and has a crow by his side (just like sunday who has erm a raven? a nightingale that looks like an eagle?) and his wings are scarred, possibly by 'battles' the hymn spoke of, aaand Easter-egg he has sunday's old halo :) i suspect he could be the bloodhounds' head, Maeven Ellis is right beside him btw

out of all the hymn has talked abt, in our silly theory, ALL of them are halovians who have wings. i read in wiki that halovians have wings in their biology but idk where that info came from...there isnt a single halovian npc who got wings.

"every Halovian in Penacony is a member of the family" gopher looks like an older priest, his postion could totally be of a head.

now this is spoilery (imo doesn't make much difference), even tho it was leaked to be in 2.0 loading screen but i didnt find it, so i went to great lengths to get it from reddit! It might be a scratched idea tho, I'll only put the most important parts :

Edit: nvm it's called the harmonic strings phenomenon, found in wiki and database :x

"Family members have adopted a system of differentiation based on scales, with only those above the subdominant "IV" note being eligible to serve as the tuner of the Harmonic Strings. "

"The concept of Harmonic Strings is elucidated in the Harmony Hymns, a compilation of divine embodiments attributed to Xipe. These embodiments portray down-to-earth virtues that contribute to Harmony and can be practiced by individuals regardless of their position."

"The Family takes pride in celebrating the beauty of the Thousand Faces, including figures such as Aelenev of the Eternal Centurion, Dominicus of the Harmonious Choir, Constantina of the Panacoustic Theater, and Beatriz of the Blissful Ball."

"Opposers of the Harmony argue that the Harmonic Strings are in fact Emanators from Xipe themselves, not associated with any specific mortal but rather representing facets of Xipe, who can assume the form of any Family member when necessary."

Lots of yapping I know. Basically the ones eligible to welcome xipe in a ritual called harmonic strings are tuners of rank IV. We already know that at least 2 are emenators and the others should be too.

Also Aelenev of the eternal centurion, a Centurion being a soldier in the Roman army responsible for the command of one hundred men. A description fitting of the bloodhound head. The harmonic choir could refer to the oak family, and so on

But here where the contradiction happens, in oti's letter to Sunday

also if all halovians with wings are emenators/ facet of xipe, then sunday and robin had them as children..?

i could argue that the dreammaster chooses for xipe who he sees fit to be an emenator, and under his guidance they become a harmony symbol. robin for the outside world and im sure sunday was adopted for the same cause as bronya rand, to become the future head of the oak family.

now on dominicus arrival...this letter and the hymn are slightly contradictory...and the map text is too. if dominicus is a facet of xipe, why do they and the 3 others have to welcome xipe ? isnt the descent of the 4 of them considered complete in it's self? xipe is a plural aeon, if part of them descends it should still be an aeon. but the hymn insinuates that the 4 facets serve xipe. also the connection between sunday and robin to them is solid.

aight, we know who the harmonic strings are from the map text, it makes sense to think of them as the ones i theorized them to be, except from robin they're all directly influential on penacony. aand now oti's letter makes less sense. we can argue that each one of them derives power from a facet, maybe even becoming vessels to them or represent them. and these facets need to descend (arrive) for the charmony festival to reach it's conclusion, being xipe's descendance.

also reminder

(he means xipe by their)

uuuhuh sweetie, u gotta leave the house as dominicus tho!

[employee052]

ozzies long-ass TSP ramble

For context, a few days ago i was in a thinky mood when i watched this video on Valve catwalks. it mentioned death of the author, and while ive heard of it, I didnt understand what it meant until after the video explained it. So i got thinking. the following was a series of messages I sent to my friends on a discord server im in (with the exception of the last part bc i just thought of it now even tho im sick) that i compiled for yall into sections so its easier to read. these are just my thoughts and could be totally wrong, i just wanted to share aksjdh :P (plus this is my second time im posting this so there might be some inconsistencies)

(ramble under the cut so yall dont get a massive wave of text on your dash)

"smth smth death of the author smth smth reviews smth smth interpretations smth smth skip button"

like idk if this was obvious to everyone else n im just finally getting it or not, but the skip button ending being about the narrator seeing the negative reviews causing him to create the button in order to appease them, which said reviews ended up making him believe he was being preachy and obnoxious and unfunny, but as a result, he ends up believing it and trying to appease those interpretations rather than be more confident of his dialogue and what it means to him(whatever he may believe) and ending up dying at the end bc of it being a kind of literal version a death of an author of sorts

---

im just thinking about how timekeeper/settings person/432/whatever is really only interested in the player, but not stanley himself. and if the narrator ends up dying (or decaying at least in my interpretation) during the skip button, could the same be said about stanley as a character as well?

like we never see stanleys model as us, we dont see his feet when we look down, and the only time we see him in game is either as a hand during the bucket escape pod ending, the mariella endings, and the not stanley ending. and the last two are cutscenes. for all we know, stanley could have died at some point during the skip button after the narrator did and we would never know bc we cant see him

but since 432's desk being at the end of the epilogue which happens post skip button ending, i would have said that was the first time we ever see him interact with the game internally rather than asking for the time. but i do remember someone suggesting that the timekeeper was the one who removed the door in the skip button in order to kill the narrator off and get stanley/the player away from him in order to talk more

with that thought in mind, that would mean TK had to kill stanley and the narrator off in order to be able to lead the game, push beyond the barriers of a narrator and character and just talk to the player, one on one

---

it makes me wonder if what the curator said in the museum ending holds more weight

like, she talks to the player as well. both she and TK talk to the player themselves instead of stanley the character. and when she says "When every path you can walk has been created for you long in advance, death becomes meaningless, making life the same. Do you see now? Do you see that Stanley was already dead from the moment he hit start?"

stanley's function is a character in the narrators story, a literary device to propel the game forward. the narrator makes the race track, and stanley drives. without the narrator where would stanley go or do, without stanley who would move the story along?

"Can you see? Can you see how much they need one another? No, perhaps not. Sometimes these things cannot be seen."

and yet, hes dead, just like the curator said. because no matter what, he's never going to be able to truly make his own decisions. the confusion ending lays out how all the endings are scripted despite what the narrator believes and acts, its all predetermined.

and in a sense, the narrators dead too. no matter what stanley tries to do to change the story, or the narrator changes to the game in order for stanley to react to, its been planned long in advance for the eventuality. every word, every event. and with stanley's deaths, it ends up just bringing them back to the beginning again, "What exactly did the Narrator think he was going to accomplish?" if they always come back to the same preplanned paths, to the illusion of free will, it doesnt matter regardless. death doesnt become a statement, it becomes an inconvenience.

"But listen to me, you can still save these two. You can stop the program before they both fail. Push escape, and press quit. There's no other way to beat this game. As long as you move forward, you'll be walking someone else's path. Stop now, and it'll be your only true choice."

The only way to save both Stanley and The Narrator is by not letting the story play out to begin with. To beat the game, which means to let the game end after you win.

and yet,

the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is neve-

In a game where there is no ending that stops the game in its entirety, where everything will keep on happening again and again and the end is never the end, the only way to beat it is to make a choice as yourself the player, not stanley the character.

because he doesnt get a choice, the narrator doesnt get a choice. they think they do, but they dont. the only way to beat the game is to not play it. (which makes sense given that there are achievements involving not playing the game in both the 2013 HD remaster and 2022 Ultra Deluxe)

both Stanley and The Narrator are two sides of the same coin that make up The Stanley Parable, and the only way to use the coin is to give it away.

maybe thats why the true ending of the game with credits and stuff like that, is the Not Stanley Ending.

You the player have successfully broken the fourth wall from the outside in, even though that ending was planned like all the others (ie, the game allowing you to disconect the phone), you break the illusion of being stanley the character, which the game ends up booting you out of stanley as it cant handle the "narrative contradiction".

maybe thats why the escape pod ending has the sign that reads "both the player and the narrator must be present in order to leave". its not stanley, its the player, us.

maybe thats why that ending is one of the most cruel. the only way to get there is to leave the narrator trapped in the boss' office. there's no way to get him to the escape pod. the end is never the end.

---

(this part was the new idea i just had today so this might not make sense i appologize)

going back to the beginning of this ramble about the death of the author and such. perhaps there is a way to get the narrator out.

with thoughts about interpretations and with he idea of the "death of the author", all of us have our own interpretations of the TSP characters. whether its design, or relationship wise, or characterization, or what have you. The Narrator in my head is different from you reading this, and that narrator is different from another persons perspective, and definitely our narrators are different to the one that lives in Davey Wreden's head, or Kevan Brighting, or anyone who has even heard of the stanley parable.

and that's not a bad thing! there can be many similarities to the characters that our interpretations share, some more common than others and some that make no sense at all, but for the most part we all have different interpretations of the characters.

I read a book called Book Simulator (The Reader's guide to not reading) by Chris Yee on stream once. The VOD is gone now. But I discovered the book because I heard the guy writing/the narrator of sorts for the book was written like the Stanley Parable Narrator.

It didnt help that Kevan brighting voiced over the commercial for it too askjdh

but back to the book. this will contain somewhat spoilers for it since it brings up a moment at the end of the book so feel free to stop here if you dont want to be spoiled

---

basically, in Book Simulator, Booksi (The book's instructional narrator on how to fake read at the start of the book) is arguing with The Narrator (no not ours, but the general narrator who speaks in the third person), however, its revealed by The Narrator that Booksi has a plan to take over the world by inhabiting more book simulators and distributing them across the world. But, the reader could kill off the booksi that they have in their hands that they are reading, to quote:

"Or was he the original Booksi? Maybe not. Maybe the original Booksi had been vanquished long ago, and the reader was now facing one of the many copies roaming the world. Both Booksi and the Narrator knew the answer to this question, but neither would reveal the truth."

---

Taking from Book Simulator the concept of multiple iterations of one character existing in different copies of the media they originate from, maybe in a way that's how the Narrator may die in the stanley parable, forever stuck to repeat the same endings with the illusion of free will, but he lives on somewhat for everyone that has seen or heard of him in any capacity.

this may sound a bit preachy (oh the irony) but bare with me:

The Original Narrator from The Stanley Parable is dead, dead in the sense that he and Stanley are stuck within the game, given the illusion of free choice, and unable to leave nor do anything to try and escape, is also alive in the sense that we the players perception of The Narrator lives on in our minds.

The Narrator from the game might be stuck, but the Narrator i see in my head, the one i designed and draw and think of is perfectly fine and alive as ever.

and the same goes with you and anyone else who has heard of the narrator. their interpretation is still unique and different to them even if it all comes from the same media. he may not be exactly the same as the original, but hes still there. and in a way, hes free.

(man typing this last segment down makes me feel like a gd priest, and/or someone talking abt the barbie movie akjdhkjasdh so sorry if doesnt make sense at all :P)

[angelicvee]

anyone else but you chapter 5: you'll have to stop the world just to stop the feeling wc: 2.6 k dont chase after girls in the middle of rush hour.. someone is bound to get hurt

It was just coffee.. Nothing special. Just coffee. Its not like they were going on a date or meeting to unpack every unfortunate event that had unfolded between them. Coffee couldn't fix anything really but it was a start. A beautiful fresh start. Annie stood in front of the mirror, adjusting the collar of her sweater for the third time. It was ridiculous, she thought, to be this nervous about a simple coffee. But it wasn’t just coffee, and it wasn’t just anyone. It was Victoria. What if the brunette made fun of her order like she used to. How would she even process that stupid little laugh she always used to let out after poking fun at the small things. The meaningless habits annie used to have. She always used to get so embarrassed…especially when it came to eating. Victoria ordered black coffee every time they went out, she was definitely just trying to be edgy at first but somewhere along the line it became something she actually enjoyed. On the other hand annie would order some form of caramel coffee that smelt of pure sugar and diabetes. It was the one bit of ‘cheat’ food she got to indulge in…. Though vicky always laughed at her sickly sweet choice Her reflection stared back at her, betraying the flurry of emotions beneath the surface. She glanced over at her phone, the confirmation message from Victoria still glowing on the screen: Can’t wait to catch up, it’s been too long. A small smile tugged at the corner of Annie’s mouth, but it quickly faded. It had been too long. years, in fact. Years since their paths had diverged, since life had pulled them in different directions. Years since Annie had last felt that gnawing ache in her chest whenever she thought about Victoria. —--- “Annie hurry up… its a coffee shop not a runway. Get your shoes on alreadyyy!” victoria called out down the hall, shivering in her slightly oversized jacket as she awaited her friend. It had been what felt like centuries since the duo went on one of their little outings.. Mostly because donna january had been parading her daughter around the pageant circuit like some poor little show pony. The blonde accepted it like she was supposed to. She hated it though. Yes she wanted to be a hero, she wanted to help people.. But these stupid pageants felt like torture at times. And the training she had to endure in order to win was trialling to say the least. The worst part wasnt any of those little things though. It was the amount of distance between victoria and herself. Annie needed that girl like she needed air to breath. Honestly it felt a little suffocating sometimes. Not their friendship.. But the yearning and pining she secretly experienced behind those pretty little eyes of hers.

“Vicky just give me a second.. Please! I cant find my jacket” the blonde eventually replied in a sort of frantic tone. Like this jacket was seriously upsetting her and the fact she couldnt find it would most likely plague her mind all day if it didnt show up soon. The blonde was just like that.. She put a lot of effort into everything.. Mainly because she wanted victoria to notice her. Like really notice her.. Which the brunette already did. In her own quiet way. “Its in my hands.. Now come onnnn im cold and its cold.. And im sure your mom isnt fan of the..cold air rushing through this big open door im desperate to walk out of…!” victoria just wanted to go and spend some time with annie. The blonde was probably her favourite person. They were inseparable.. Well inseparable in spirit. Stan thought it was sweet. He was just pleased victoria had a friend in all honesty. He was however much more aware of the smaller details than ms january would ever be. He had sat through hours upon hours of victoria rambling on about her friend. Sometimes he chose not to ask about his daughter’s day to avoid said rambles.. But that was after long stressful work days, not because he didnt care.

Annie finally made her way down the hall, the heels on her little winter boots clicking against the hard wood floor as she let out a cute little smile and politely snatched her coat from the brunette. “Youre my knight in shining armour” she sang, adjusting her outfit and slipping an arm through victoria’s very casually. It was a friend thing.. Nothing more. *nothing more* she thought to herself, shutting the door behind them both and braving the cold. —---- Annie took a few deep breaths before fighting with her hair. It had too look pretty.. *she had to look pretty for victoria.* She pulled her hair back into a loose ponytail, trying to shake off the memories that had been tormenting her all morning. Hughie’s face flashed in her mind, his goofy smile and earnest eyes. He was a good guy, maybe the best she’d ever known. But even he couldn’t quiet the small voice in the back of her mind that whispered Victoria’s name in the quiet moments. As the supe slipped on her shoes, she felt the familiar weight of guilt settle in her stomach. Hughie didn’t deserve this he didn’t deserve a girlfriend who was so tangled up in her past that she couldn’t fully be present in the now. But how could she explain it to him? How could she explain the way her heart still skipped a beat whenever she thought of Victoria? How could she tell him that even after all this time, she wasn’t sure if she’d ever truly moved on? She didnt really know what moving on felt like if she was completely honest. And truthfully, she didnt really want to find out.

Annie shook her head, trying to push the irritatingly persistent thoughts back into the little mental box she kept them in. This wasn’t the time for introspection. It was just coffee. Two old friends catching up. She grabbed her coat, trying to ignore the way her hands trembled as she buttoned it up. Fumbling over each button as she pondered over silly little memories and worries.

As she stepped out into the crisp autumn air, she felt a strange mix of excitement and dread. What would she even say to Victoria? How would she explain her absence, the way she’d distanced herself all those years ago? Would Victoria even care? Leaves creased and crumpled under the soles of annie’s boots. She chose her timberlands with small patterns embroidered into them. They were actually a gift.. From maeve of all people. The blonde had been so incredibly surprised by the gesture, she dint really think of maggie as an embroidery kind of person.. Although the supe did keep her life on the low.. There was a lot she kept secret.

The blonde arrived at the coffee shop a few minutes early, the familiar chime of the doorbell ringing in her ears as she stepped inside. The warm scent of freshly brewed coffee wrapped around her, but it did little to calm her nerves. She spotted an empty table near the window and made her way over, her heart pounding in her chest. Victoria seemed to put a lot of strain on her poor little heart huh?

Minutes ticked by as she sat there, fidgeting with the edge of her napkin. Her eyes flicked between the city moving outside and the door. Leaves fell outside, drifting delicately to the floor before getting trampled by sudden rushes of people mostly heading to work. Despite attempting to seem nonchalant, the sound of the door opening and closing terrorised the blonde. Sending a jolt of anxiety through her every single time. Finally, the door swung open, and there she was..Victoria. Annie’s breath caught in her throat. Victoria looked... different, but in a way that only made Annie’s heart ache more. She was as beautiful as ever, her dark hair cascading over her shoulders, her eyes sharp and searching as they locked onto Annie’s. For a moment, they just stared at each other, the weight of the years hanging heavy between them.

Victoria broke the silence first, her smile warm but guarded as she walked over. “Annie,” she said softly, sliding into the seat across from her. “It’s good to see you.”

Annie tried to smile, but it felt forced, unnatural. “Yeah, it’s... been a while.”

There was an awkward pause, both of them unsure of how to bridge the gap that had formed between them. Victoria’s eyes flicked down to Annie’s hands, still fidgeting with the napkin, and a shadow of something unreadable passed over her face.

“So, how’s everything?” Victoria asked, her voice casual, but there was an undercurrent of tension that neither of them could ignore.

Annie swallowed hard, forcing herself to meet Victoria’s gaze. “Good,” she lied. “Everything’s... good. I’m, um, well you know about hughie...”

Victoria’s smile faltered for just a fraction of a second, but it was enough for Annie to notice. “He’s great, Annie. I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks,” the blonde replied quickly, the word heavy on her tongue. She didn’t know why she’d brought up Hughie, as if saying his name could create some sort of barrier between her and the feelings that were clawing at her insides like rabid animals.

Another silence settled over them, thicker this time. Annie searched for something to say, anything to fill the void, but every thought felt too dangerous, too close to the truth she wasn’t ready to face.

“Victoria,” she began, her voice trembling slightly. “I—”

But before she could continue, Victoria’s phone buzzed on the table, cutting through the tension. Victoria glanced at the screen, her expression tightening, and Annie felt a pang of disappointment that she quickly tried to bury.

“Sorry, it’s work,” Victoria said, her tone apologetic but distant. “I have to take this.”

Annie nodded, watching as Victoria stood up and walked a few steps away to answer the call. She stared out the window, her heart heavy. She wondered if it was possible to drown in emotions. She was sure that was happening to her as she reflected on the pathetic conversation they had been attempting. As she watched Victoria speak into the phone, her expression shifting from concern to something darker, Annie couldn’t shake the feeling that she was missing something, something important.

When Victoria returned, she seemed more guarded than before, her smile not quite reaching her eyes. “Sorry about that,” she said, sitting back down. “Where were we?” there was definitely something victoria had chosen not to delve into. Something she was hiding beneath the surface of those pretty chocolate eyes and false smiles. The woman really had become a mystery, a woman made from years and years of carefully thought out lies and stories.

Annie forced a smile, but her heart wasn’t in it. “It’s okay,” she said, but the words felt hollow. There was so much she wanted to say, but the moment had passed, and she wasn’t sure if she’d ever get it back. She wasnt even sure if she wanted it back anymore

As they continued their stilted conversation, both of them carefully avoiding the topics that truly mattered, Annie couldn’t help but feel that this coffee was just the beginning of something more complicated than either of them were prepared for. Like she had just taken the most stupid leap of faith.. Except her heart wasnt all the way in it. So really there was very little to hope for.

Honestly she had no clue what she was doing. God this felt scarier than the looming blonde threat she faced daily. Annie could confidently say she would pick an elevator alone with homelander over this awkward coffee date in a heartbeat.

“Annie.. Why did you really call me? Forgive me for saying this but.. I just find it hard to believe you really wanted to reach out all of a sudden. I mean its been years” the brunette suddenly spoke up. Her tone sort of cut off from any semblance of emotion. Victoria was always good at hiding her feelings. Annie however didnt have that skill. That was made clear when her eyes glassed up over a few simple words. How pathetic was that?

Victoria felt a little bad for even speaking once she caught sight of her old friend. The girl looked like she had just received the worst news of her life. It was horrible. “Dont get me wrong… im glad you did.. But this feels a little forced doesnt it? Maybe we just need to let the past rest?”

How could she say that? How could she sound so gentle and so reassuring while those vile words spewed out of her?

This wasnt real. Annie found herself pinching her leg subtly, her mouth opening and closing over and over as she struggled to find words. Nothing came out, nothing wanted to. The blonde felt a little tear run down her cheek, then she felt victoria stand. Why was she getting up? Why couldnt she follow her?

“Ill pay.. My way of congratulating you on achieving your dreams..” The congress woman smiled. It was as though she couldnt see annie and her devastated reaction, asthough that was all in the blonde’s head and really she had been smiling along.

It took victoria stepping out in the cold for the blonde to finally move. Scurrying after her, pushing through people. Person after person all just seemed to get in the way. It was like the universe laughing at her from above. Separating them after they had finally found one another. God she probably shoved through a billion people to catch up with victoria.

Victoria could hear the blonde. Well she could hear her heartbeat. The supe could pinpoint that heartbeat in any crowd. Sometimes she found herself listening to it at in the office. She noticed every little change, every slight increase. Sometimes, when it really increased she had to hold back from calling up stan edgar and forcing him to pull his little supe club in line. The congress woman didnt want to hear it though. Not now. Not while she desperately strode through the bustling streets. Tears streaming down her perfectly sculpted face. Hands wiping the crystal streams away as she tried to think of literally anything but the hero.. Who had adverts at what seemed like every turn.

It just got louder and louder until a hand snaked over her shoulder, tugging her back with an unexpected force. Annie probably shouldnt have yanked the poor woman back but.. Well she wasnt thinking straight. Although her adrenaline rush came to a sudden halt as an earth shattering migraine washed over her.

It felt as though her head might explode

“Fuck-!” she whined, pressing at her temples before the pain just vanished. A light ache left in its place for a few moments. “Victoria.. i want to get to know you again. Please just listen to me”

“Annie.. I really think you need to just let go.. This isnt worth it.. We arent worth it.”

fuck if those words were a blade they would draw more blood than the blonde had in her body. They could break the coldest of hearts. “We arent worth it..” she repeated, her eyes welling up again. Hand reaching for the woman’s shoulder as she mindlessly dragged her into the closest alleyway. Annie wasnt thinking. She had stopped doing that a few days ago

[toastyliltoasts]

Purely A Coincidence

Part 2

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Pairing; Prince!Wilbur x GN!reader

Words; 2.3k

About; After being sent away by your mother, abruptly might I add, to a whole new kingdom; a new life, as a physician's apprentice, you run into a complete asshole.

Warning(s); Swearing, Mention of pillory (although idk if that's a warning), dont know why but usage of cringey ass names cus I dont know wtf to call the characters (apologies to all the Isaacs), Mention of dagger, Not proofread :)

A/N; So uh holy shit. came home back to 21 damn notes on the last (first) fic I posted so I just guessed somehow that you all are in love with Wilbur.. So here's another one ✌️ (Also Niki, our beloved, is here <33)

Taglist; (I forgot to add this but uhhh lmk if you wanna be added to the taglist)

The rest of the story contracted very shortly, you had ended up in prison after the prince, who you now knew as Wilbur, had ordered for you to be sent to jail for six nights and then made you lovely reservations to the royal stables to muck it out clean. The thing is, that wasnt even the best part. You had to sit through approximately more than 3 whole hours, being lectured by your uncle, inside prison might I add, about how that was 'irresponsible' and could've gotten you in trouble. He wasnt wrong, not one bit, but that self obsessed ass really got on your nerves. Plus, you were pretty sure the jailors were also tired from the continuous scolding.

So after what felt like a lifetime of being lectured, Phil let you know that he talked to Wilbur's father who was, surprise surprise, a really good friend of your uncle's and managed to get you out of that hellhole after two nights but apparently, you had to keep your end of the deal as well.

And that's how you found yourself, trapped in a pillory, as rotten tomatoes, apples and other decaying fruits and vegetables were thrown at you by children and adolescents at surprising speed.

Needless to say, Phil had to draw you a huge bath and help you get pieces of unrecognizable fruit that stuck to your hair. And you're probably never seeing your tunic again either. After that the lectures did indeed stop, as you made a begrudging Phil promise, yet the infamous raise of his 'better not try anything' brow did not. You already had a daily entitlement to that hawk look of Phil's ever since he found out that your mother sent you to L'manberg because she was afraid for your safety.

She had sent a letter with you to hand over to Phil which probably mentioned something about your 'gifts', or whatever she called it. It was true that you would probably be considered an outcast there if anyone but your mum and your best friend, Isaac had found out. You knew that you had a little bit of, if not the whole of your existence, related to Merlin Ambrosius according to all the bed time stories you've learned from you mother. So it made some sense that you were related to sorcery. But that just made Phil more concerned about you and try to keep you out of possible danger, which you appreciated in some way.

And so, with countless warnings to you about keeping your 'special abilities', as he liked to call it, out of hindsight, he just pushed some vials full of, what you guessed were probably disgusting, medicine into your hands and told you that those needed carrying to various people around the castle and village, whose names you probably would've forgotten if Phil didnt drill it into your mind. So off you went on you 'merry' way to only run into the person you least expected to meet.

"Ah, I see some time in the stocks were just what you needed" Wilbur smirked with a raised bow as if asking you to confirm his suspicions. Keep walking, keep walking, keep wal-

"Come on now, no need to be afraid of me" he sounded pretty satisfied with the jab as your legs pause to let yourself take a deep breath.

"From you ?" you asked, still with your back facing him and not letting him have the satisfaction of ticking you off. Honestly, you've genuinely had enough of him.

"And the idiot speaks" he smirked. You hear the contact of his boots clashing with the hard rock of the surface.

"Look, I already told you you're an ass. Guess I just didnt realize that its a prince's one" you slowly turned around on your heel only to be met with his slightly amused look of shock and his other 'henchmen'.

"What's this now ? Got daddy's men to protect you ?" you gestured to the men surrounding him. He chuckles, his caramel eyes glinting with a hint of gold in the sun light though you could only interpret him as 'up his own ass'.

"You do know that Im capable of handling myself right ?" he replied sarcastically, though he seemed pretty adamant that he could knock you out with one blow (which he probably could and you already knew you were in trouble)

"Never knew that" you sent him a mock shocked expression before continuing.

"Care to set an example ?" your tone was nonchalant yet your mind was running feral. Genuinely not because of this dumbass infront of you but because you were in for another lecture when you're done.

Wilbur raised a brow in a challenging manner, chuckling lightly before maintaining direct eye contact with you.

"You dont know what you're getting yourself into, do you ?" he paused for your confirmation.

"I am very much aware, actually"

Well, another long story short, you were done. Wilbur had handed you a flail to make the 'competition' fair and things commenced. Both Wilbur and you had flipped over dozens of carts and boxes as he tried to corner you in for easy access and your weak spots while, to be honest, you were just swinging the flail around in defence with slight co-ordination, having never picked up the said mace in your life before. You could feel the now forming crowd's eyes burning into you as he had effectively trapped you between a wall and a wooden stall.

Before you could even process it, your eyes flashed a shade of gold, which thankfully no one saw, and his mace was stuck, wrapped around a pole. It bought you a bit more time to get properly on your feet and grab a near by broom. Just as you neared him, to demand for him to submit, you saw your uncle Phil in the crowd with the most disappointed and disapproving face he could muster which made you feel more guilty than you've ever been in your life. You felt something in the bottom of your stomach, some itch of sorts. Almost as it you were gettng deja-vu. And in that moment of weakness, Wilbur managed to grab another broom, land a hit on your head, which hurt like hell thank you very much, and trip you. But, surprisingly, he let you go just as the gaurds were about to drag you to the stocks again, saying something about how 'there's something about you that he just cant put his finger on'.

Phil had, instead of the gaurds, dragged you back to physician quarters, scolding you the whole way there. Unfortunately, he had seen your little stunt you pulled to distract Wilbur and went absolutely berserk on how you shouldnt use magic in front of people, that it would get you nowhere but the pyre. You were honestly sick of this, you were sick of this kingdom and you were sick of everything in it, especially that royal prat Wilbur. So you just wordlessly went into your room before throwing yourself on the bed like a ragdoll and spent the rest of the day there. That is, of course, until Phil came in with some kind of poultice to apply on the bruises forming on your arms. You both just conversed like nothing happened before you brought up the topic of your magic. Phil just told you that it was there for a reason he didnt know, but for a reason nonetheless. He gave your head and hair a fatherly ruffle before leaving dinner on your table and out the room.

You woke up slightly numb but better with rest. You left your room and sat down on the wooden dining table as your uncle made you breakfast. You apparently had to give some sort of sleeping draught to the lady Niki because, for some reason, she had trouble sleeping. And while gulping down your breakfast, your uncle informed you of some visiting neighboring king and how there was some sort of welcoming celebration that, as court physician's apprentice, you were allowed to attend. You werent exactly the most excited for hours upon hours of treacherous, boring speeches you've seen back in Willowdale. But you just thanked Phil for the lovely breakfast and carried on with your day. You found the way to lady Niki's chambers with the help of multiple gaurds and got there with slight ease, only since you had directions of course.

Niki was, undoubtedly, the nicest royal you've ever met. She was headstrong and had a lot of courage, while being extremely humble to the point you couldnt even believe she was blood related to that snob. She was incredibly polite and made you feel like you were back with a childhood best friend again. And after giving her the draught and leaving, Niki promised to let you know if she needed anything else. You giddily walked back to the quarters with a smile etched onto your face at your interaction with the lovely lady.

You followed Phil like a lost kid, gawking at everything your eyes land on. The castle was lit with absolutely beautiful shades of colours painted on the candles and the gold decoration shined under its glow. The ambiance was definitely lively with bits and peices of conversations between other people enter your ear.

"You sure this isnt some coronation, Phil ?" you asked, baffled at how above and beyond the royals went for a simple welcoming party. Phil chuckled.

"Of course not," he spoke as if you were a child, even as he said your name.

"As I see you've met Wilbur countless times, him and his father dont take celebrations lightly" Phil let you know with a playful glare at the previous statement. You scoffed, annoyance directed at the specific royal probably more visible now.

"I can see that very clearly, Phil" you glared at the prince you spotted previously, a few moments after you entered the ceremony hall.

You also spotted several well known royals around the kingdom and even outside of it. And of course, along with the visiting king who had all this ceremonious stuff done for him as just a 'gift' from L'manberg, its royals and people.

The celebration went on for a bit more before the royals of L'manberg had to deliver their speech. You had to stand a bit far away at the table and had to stay besides Phil as you listened the never ending string of words. You, god knows why, got that feeling that you've done this before, even when you've lived at Willowdale until now. You shook it off as your mind trying to entertain your bored self.

That is, until you saw a blur of glinting sliver under the low dim of the chandelier. Your eyes tracked down the metal just as it was thrown and, as soon as you saw its designated target, your eyes flashed gold. The dagger slowed its path as you, for whatever reason, found yourself at Wilbur's side in a spur of a second and instinctively pushed him out of the way. You both hit the ground with a thud while you heard worried gasps and murmurs accompanied by the sound of a slash. Wilbur, still dumbfounded, stared as the dagger imbeded itself in the chair he was on mere seconds ago. The sound of hurried footsteps met your ear, the gaurds seizing the man responsible. Wilbur's surprised eyes found yours while yours was still on the dagger. You found Phil staring at you worriedly but he knew not to jump in at this moment, you had just saved the prince's life, albeit putting your own one slightly at risk, but saved it nonetheless.

"Wilbur," you heard the king's concerned voice, making both you and Wilbur scramble to stand up. The king checked Wilbur for any fetal damage but ended up with none.

"You saved my boy's life" he turned to you and you immediately felt all the attention on you. You wished you could smirk in that prat's face, for his 'I can handle myself' bullshit but maybe, just maybe, your mind was a bit more occupied from recent events.

"Gratitude must be repaid" you shook your head at once. No, watching Wilbur's pissed off face in a couple of hours after everything calmed down would be more that enough.

"Dont be so humble, this requires a special merit" the king insisted and, even before you could utter a word, he continued.

"Henceforth, you shall be Prince Wilbur's personal servant" your eyes widened. Sorry, what ?. Even with incredibly delvished hair, Wilbur looked more deadpanned than ever.

"Father!" Wilbur exclaimed in an offended manner but, unfortunately, the king was hearing none of it and left you both, staring at each speechless. You were just about to start jumping at eachother's throat when Phil dragged you both to the physician's quarters to check for injuries.

This whole servant thing was not going to be fun.

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale reviews: Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)

Alright so I FINALLY saw the movie and after an ordeal with the AMC

I can finally give my thoughts on this movie.

So in order to properly rank this. I will put the following Categories.

Animation

Plot

Characters

Music

Fanservice

Lesson

And I will give my final score at the bottom. I will try not to get too spoiler heavy but spoilers below

And for those that dont want ANY spoilers. I will say it is a great kids movie go watch it

______________________________________________________________

Animation:

This movie is Absolutely Gorgeous. Every mushroom, every brick has been lovingly crafted. I LOVE the attention to details, I love how hard each hit feels in this movie. The Choreography in this and flow is incredible. Illumination's eye for visual slapstick is still on a league of its own and it fits very well with the movie.

The character expressions all flowed great and you felt sucked in by the expression. It was like watching a Mario game. Brooklyn, The Mushroom kingdom, The Dark Lands, The Ice Kingdom, The Kong kingdom and Rainbow road ALL felt distinct and flowed. I am IN LOVE with this movies asthetic. The action was perfectly paced, I would even say it matched and surpassed the flowing animation of Puss in boots Last wish.

10/10

____________________________________________________________

Plot

So its pretty straight forward, Bowser tries to take over the kingdom, and he needs to be stopped. Mario and Luigi end up sucked into the mushroom kingdom trying to make a name for themselves as plumbers and get separated.

Mario ends up meeting Toad, Peach and Donkey Kong and the crew end up fighting Bowser and Saving Luigi. It starts as a trip to get reinforcements to fight the koopa army, turns into a race on rainbow road, then turns into a fight at a wedding and then finally a showdown in Brooklyn.

Mario and Luigi save the day and end up finding a connecting route to the the Mushroom kingdom and Brooklyn.

Now there is a LOT that happens in between these plot points and I will say it does feel a bit fast at times. But It is entertaining, Mario and Peach bond. And the scale and excitement never decreases. It is solid.

7.5/10

I wish more time could be spent in some places but thats mainly a pacing thing. and its the only real gripe I have.

___________________________________________________________

Characters

I think I will break this up into multiple sections.

Mario: I will say it, the previews took all the worst bits of Chris Pratt's VA work. Because he actually did a bang up job, I didnt hear Chris Pratt, I heard Brooklyn Mario (And the Accents are explained to be part of the commercial which has Charles cameo AMAZINGLY done)

I liked Mario's character, he was a guy that wanted to prove himself and doesnt know when to quit. Mario also doesnt like mushrooms, it was funny. He can get down on himself, but push comes to shove he is Mario and will do anything for those he loves. He has some cute bonding moments with Peach and they have a good chemistry, which I can say could be romantic or not, both are fine ways of interpretation. His goal and lengths he is willing to go to save his brother are great and I love it. Mario is great in the movie.

Peach: I will admit, I was worried on how they handled peach here. I knew they were going to make her a girl boss. And I do think that she is not as Feminine or Charming as what one would expect from Peach... BUT she has the good heart and cares for her subjects. Which Peach will be self sacrificing to help her people, but also will do what she can to mess with Bowser. As shown in her fight at the wedding. She and Mario got a good dynamic and I enjoy the roll. Though I do like that she isnt invincible, she can be outmatched and there are things even she thinks are too risky.

Luigi: I feel robbed. Not because Luigi's performance was bad, FAR FROM IT. I wanted MORE Luigi. Luigi was captured for most of the movie and had the funniest bits. He also had his big hero moment and really helped drive home one of the big lessons. I am glad that he is supportive of brother and he thinks he is the coolest guy. The characterization of Luigi was PERFECT. But as mentioned before, I wanted more of him

Toad: He was a delight. I think he has great comedic moments and I love how he just claims Mario as his BFF. He gets really funny jokes and the bits are usually out of left field. My favorite has to be how he distracted the guards, I wont dare spoil it, but it involves a Frying pan.

Donkey Kong: I thought I would hate DK. I still am not sold on the voice... THAT BEING SAID. Donkey Kong being the show off big shot that cant see past his own ego and just wants his dad to be proud of him was not what I expected but enjoyed. He also has some good moments. One moment you think he is gonna bond with Mario over Dad issues but then left turn, he goes "Well your dad's right, you suck"

It just sort of works for them, they have this frenemies vibe that I love.

Bowser:

Bowser steals the movie. He is the funniest character. He is the best character. HE WROTE A LOVE BALLAD FOR PEACH called "Peaches". He is goofy yet Intimidating. Jack Black's voice for him was perfect and the Character acting was on point. Jack Black NAILED BOWSER. He is DEFACTO Bowser. I cant say enough of how amazing his bowser was. It was just so perfect.

The others: From Mario's extended family, The Koopas, Kamek, kranky, the Luma, The Penguins. I LOVED all the side characters. I cant name one I didnt enjoy. Shout out to the Blond Kong in a sports Blazer who casually caused a kart crash of a By-stander

Now Aside from Bowser I cant say the characters are deep, but they were not meant to be. They were what they needed to be. I enjoyed all the characters on screen and never felt myself loathing not seeing a certain character for longer.

solid 8/10 (Jack black and bowser are 10/10 tho)

______________________________________________________________ Music

So I wanted to give this a 10/10, but I cant.

I found some of the random 80's rock songs a bit out of place. It is Illumination.

But outside of those songs, when they are doing the mario music and themes they ARE GLORIOUS. Bowser's fury theme and the Remixed Star theme were my personal favorites

All of the mario music is beautifully crafted. You know papa nintendo made sure they did it justice.

Overall, 8/10

The 80's songs werent the worst pick but they werent needed. Should have just stuck with the mario stuff.

But... it is illumination.

______________________________________________________________

Fanservice

ALL OF THE REFERENCES,

FOREMAN SPIKE

Pauline

CHARLES Martinet AS MARIO'S FATHER AND GIUSEPPE

PUNCH OUT PIZZARIA

the musical references,

The princess is in another castle joke.

The sound effects.

The entire movie is CRAMMED FULL of references and jokes that I am sure I didnt get all of them.

This movie was CRAFTED from Fanservice.

Is the Sonic 2 movie is a love letter to the fans,

The Super Mario Bros Movie is a full on Love Biography to them.

I am so full of the fanservice I was squealing

10/10

___________________________________________________________

Lesson

I wasnt expecting the Super mario bros Movie to have a lesson, and to my surprise it had 2 lessons.

Never give up. Mario shows throughout the entire movie his grit and determination no matter how much people look down on him or underestimate him. He got back up and kept fighting.

The power of Brotherly love. Luigi had faith in his brother who was always there for him. And he knew that things will be alright as long as they were together. And Luigi took it to heart, learning that what his brother said was true. Brotherly love made them invincible (well actually it was the power star, but it was because of that love they were able to get it.)

I am not gonna put it at the level of Puss in Boots the last wish. But its some good lessons

7/10

_____________________________________________________________

Overall, this movie, if you arent a Super Mario super fan, Is a solid 8/10

It has good characters, funny/hilarious slapstick and moments, fun action, and great for kids with a good lesson.

If you are a mario super fan (Like me)

Solid 9.5/10

I would watch it again no questions. I do wish it had more Mareach and Yoshi

[echo-of-damnation]

im not feeling good so im going to rant about the book Dead Men Walking by Steve Lyons because none of my irl friends will know what im talking about and i need to get it out of my system.

apologies in advance for anyone who ends up reading this

first things first. absolutely love the funky little krieg guys. i love that they just fucked their entire sick ass planet because the loser guys on top were like " yeah nah fuck the big man who is def not a god and fuck da rules". i applaud theyre blinding loyalty. one of their best traits imo. i love their quirks of not having standard names and the absolute crippling disappointment and need to atone for a sin so hard they send theyre young off at an unnatural amount. I love their hehe dont care about casualties front everyone thinks they have but they do and will take their lives in consideration. that some of them will feel fear at running head first into an unwinnable fight and some will flee. its so. human. like deep down in their gene code, no matter how much they reproduce these soldiers, there is a part of human nature that will always and forever be there.

I enjoyed Krieg by him and wanted to see more of their silly little lives in action. (this was before the siege of vraks book came out so at the time it was just those two books and pieces of lore scoured from the internet)

now! with that said!

i went into this book excited to see my funky little gas mask guys. what i ended up getting was a weird sub plot line about my guy Gunthar and the goveners daughter (ah forbidden love. a tale as old as time) and a little bit of the funky little guys.

after shit hits the fan our boy Gunthar gets separated from his one and only and ends up drafted into the PDF and gets to hang out and do really fun things train and fight with the kriegsman who came to "help" the planet from the shit that hit the fan.

spoiler alert. it was the funny robots hitting the fan.

while there is some really good parts in the book going through some of the fights with the dkok and ol'gunt it always ended up going back and bringing up his little crush. (who we find out is all in a shit hitting the fan situation but ends up fine at the end with the guy who liked her from afar and who shows up halfway through the book and this book wasnt about them okay. it was supposed to be about my cool guys.)

we get some super cool dialog from one of the krieg colonels saying something along the lines of "you just want to use us kriegers cause you think our lives are worth less than your own peoples lives. go fuck yourself." and some great moments when we actually get to see a kriegsman without his mask and its painful how young the boy is. it was great! more of that!

at some point all of gunny's krieg friends end up dying/they peace out because they cant contain the necron threat and its up to our love sick boy and this last baby krieger to do something.

so they blow the robos the fuck up. kinda.

beby krieger sacrifices himself(who didnt see that one coming) and gunthar does his thang.

NOW. I MUST CLARIFY. I MAY BE GETTING THESE TWO EVENTS SWAPPED IN ORDER. BUT IT REALLY DOESNT MATTER TO MY RANT.

at one point, and this is were i got frustrated and its kind towards the end ish, all of the important people of the planet are getting evaced which includes the govoners daughter and the lost puppy guy she found along the way.

what happened to the gov? the krieg colonel fucking shoots him for being a little bitch colluding with the enemy. so treason.

ANYWAY, the girl and the guy are getting onto the ship to leave when op! who is in the crowd! gunthar! hes there! he finally made it back to her! now to just tell her and oh who is that man touching her? hes kinda close and is she getting comforted by him? well i guess she didnt really love our boy in the end and his whole life is crumbling down around him. whats there to live for now? guess he'll just go die.

(now that im think about it i think this all happened before they blow up the necrons)

in the end i just kept getting reminded at every turn that yes this book is about the dkok but we are never in the pov of them. we watch and interact with them through gunthar who also wont stop trying to prove himself and find the girl he liked.

im not saying romantic plotlines shouldnt have been in the book but i feel like they should have taken a backseat. i didnt want to follow around the daughter as she leads a little revolution with some slave humans against the necrons. i wanted kriegsmen. i wanted to see how they lived and fought. how they interacted with each other and those around them. its fine that we had gunthar as our guy but i wanted more of him with them. at one point he ends up seeing them as brothers and finds comfort with them and the kriegsmen also end up respecting him a lot for his efforts. that could have been built on! that is an interaction that is never really seen and it would have made the story so much more. idk. i dont want to say better but like. more cohesive?

in this conclusion i will like to say i did like the book. it had really enjoyable parts but it wasnt great. its not a book i would pick back up and read of go and recommend to someone new to the fandom. it just never felt like a krieg book. just a book with funny gas mask guys sometimes.

thank you for coming to my ted talk. if you did enjoy this word vomit of a rant please like and subscribe and hit that bell for notifications so you know when i lose my mind about another thing in warhammer that no one else cares about. idk how to end this.

sincerly,

a sick little guy

[sadkois]

nishiki thonkin tonight

spoilers for kiwami. some rggo stories. but maybe not accurate spoilers cause i feel my brain meltin. also warning for complete nonsense... and blood? anyways.

thinkin about how nishiki was like. so competent at what he did?? mans knew everythin about how the yakuza worked back in the 80s... U COULD TELL HE WAS WELL INFORMED OF EVERYTHING. he knew about the ugly parts. he knew about majima. and he was the one explaining to kiryu everything asgdhj like lets say. the consequences in their line of work.

fUNNY how it was cause of kiryu that he got into the yakuza in the first place. he totally just followed kiryu into it and said "ok well sOMEONE needs to know what we are doing" cause yea kiryu was just followin kazama like a lil puppy (and nishiki followin kiryu, tho he's more like a cat i think. maybe. nishikitty..........)

bUT ANYWAYS what i was getting at is. he's very competent. so. him snapping and getting to be one of the BIG patriarchs (GET TO THE TOP!) isn't really a surprise. OF COURSE that brings me to the other point...

HERES THE THING. in kiwami we don't really see much of this competence do we? (ignorin the writing of the first game for a second ok, wORKIN WITH WHAT WE HAVE OK)

first it's like hes barely there, then you have his subordinates just. making HUGE mistakes, not actually achievin -doin- anything or even just. NOT listening to him at all. like when they killed yumis "sister" or the whole. reina and shinji.

OK SO. everyones got their onions 🧅 on rggo stories. FOR THIS THONK IM ASSUMIN MOST OF THEM DID HAPPEN. so in rggo we have that one story about what happened with reina and nishki when she tried to shoot him. and its like. nishiki didnt actually order for either of their deaths??? basically we had reina pulling a 'y0 nishikigun' on nishiki. and then well....

god i really gotta talk about reina and nishiki sometime cause i been thinkin about em a lot too. like reina liked him a LOT and i think nishki liked her too as a... sort of distant friend? does that make sense? idk what its called exactly. but yea i cant recall if they have ever interacted outside serena. (except from when they first met, another rggo story.. but that was like. a few minutes and then they were in serena lmao) it feels like a. 'i only interact with u when i come to this place' kinda deal. of course, goin there used to be constant until... not. nishiki totally distanced himself even more after the whole ordeal happened. and trust issues. (@ others? @ himself? yea)

crap. what was i talkin about. sEE THIS IS WHY I DONT AHSDJKL. what i was sayin is that, in that rggo story with reina, it just looks like nishiki's subordinates do NOT listen to him. at all. shooting at her when he keeps sayin "DON TSHOOT HER" "DONT KILL HER" "BRING HER BACK ALIVE"

SO BETWEEN THIS AND THE YUMI SISTER THING. WHY DOES NO ONE LISTEN TO HIM??? AND WELL. ok listen if im statinn the obvious im sorry, again. just writin down what im thinkin cause im tired.

but yea i think the most logical thing is that, the way he's been managing things for the last 10 years has been very different to what we see in kiwami. why else would his men resort to shoot first questions later. it's almos like that was the norm before... as if that's how things worked in the nishikiyama family all this time.

so anyways. nishikis been tryina be cool about it. so so cool about it. but the moment kiryu got out of jail messed him up SO BAD man. i always say this but, mans was just 100% avoiding kiryu as soon as he stepped out, and i bet ya he started acting different to what his fam is used to, too.

like imagine u work for this boss at idk. mcdonals. you are familiar with the routine and what they expect of u. ur boss specifically wants you to always make fries a certain way, at a certain time, he himself showed u how. this is routine. one day as you are makin the fries, its suddenly WRONG and boss is upset and kills u and u dont know wtf is going on. (u r dead) because thats what we usually do?? why is it wrong all of a sudden?

tHATS THE KINDA VIBE I GET FROM HE IN KIWAMI

aight imma be honest i cant recall if he already had this whole plan before kiryu got out. like, did he take kiryu into consideration or not. cause he either. 1. did not take into account kiryu would be here 2. did not think kiryu being here would mess up his plans THIS bad (and when i say this i mean mess HIM up so bad he cant go thru his original plan) 3. everything was actually supposedly part of his plan (HA, I DOUBT THIS. MAYBE HED SAY THAT BUT WE KNOW IT AINT TRU NISHIKI OK) im leanin to 2

you know that part when nishki's like "i was shaking when i shot kazama". like, that was only cause he knew kiryu would hate him if he actually killed him, right?? right???? LISTEN I KNOW ITS LIKE A THING OR JOKE THAT HES BAD WITH GUNS OR SOMEHTING BUT i actually like to think he got good with those? i prob read it in a fic but i really like that headcanon asgdhj, i feel like itd make sense too. and him missin the shot cause of shakin hands, is because of KIRYU and kIRYU ALONE. where his hands even shakin actually?? didnt he just say that?? nishikis just got that unreliable narrator vibe. NAH HES THE WHOLE UNRELIABILITY. AND WHATSMORE. HE HAD TO COME CLEAN TO KIRYU THAT IT WAS HIM THAT SHOT KAZAMA. HUH? WAS IT EATING YOU UP BOI??? did you need confirmation that indeed, kiryu would hate you for it??? "hES NOT DEAD YET" yea??????? yeaaaa?????????????

LIKE LOOK. the few rggo stories we have of the era between 1996 n 2005 show that he IS indeed very competent! and he has very good control of his fam! and we have the proof of it in kiwami as well, even if its more tell than show? kind of? BUT THE MOEMNT KIRYU IS OUT THIS ALL GOES OUT THE DRAIN. WE KNOW HOW EMOTIONAL NISHIKI IS. WE KNOW IT LEADS HIM TO TAKE NOT SO RATIONAL DECISIONS. (Y0 FOREST NISHIKIGUN FLASHBACK) and god he tried so hard didnt he.

like ok ill admit u got good at repressin ur emotions boi. or turnin them into anger. or keepin a poker face. closing urself off or really just, started seein everyhing as hopeless in a 'whats the point anymore' kind of way. a combo of everything?

in a way nishiki did end up killin himself along with matsushige, but i dont think he did completely. but that's what he convinced himself of. yea? does that make sense? DAMMIT U ARE SO COMPLEX I LOVE IT

thonks. U KNOW its not like anything went right back when he was more... emotional in a way?. i mean, he always did kinda hide his emotions huh? just in a different way.... i mean, when we are first introduced to him in y0, i dont think anyone expected anything like the forest scene from him. i remember being speechless. like oh my god. and i have to say i am BAD at understandin stuff. like i usually understand plots/etc when im watchin reactors play the game asfdghj. BUT MAN did that scene leave me stunned asgdhjk.

but yea with how gOOD everyone around him was at displayin emotions, it makes sense how he ended up :) ... that was sarcasm, im sayin eveyrone around him freakin sUCKS at emotin asgdh, and in fact he was like, looked down at for it. MAN HE DIDNT EVEN CRY THAT MUCH. I MEAN, HE WAS GOIN THRU THE WORST CRAP EVER ??? WHAT DID THEY WANT HIM TO BE A ROCK ASDJKL TO BE KIRYU i guess the two most role figures he had were always very :/ but man this is why i keep sayin he needed an ichiban in his life. it would have been so good for him... an emotionally mature guy, who isnt afraid to cry and show his love for others.

GOD NISHIKI LOVED SO MUCH. IT HURTS ME SO BAD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

the way nish is just like. tryina become what he knows yakuza are supposed to be like.... what they are like..... his big man suit.... agh

idk where this thonk went. it started as a yes nishiki is very competent and he only had L after L in kiwami because kiryu being back threw him off so bad. so so bad it ended up the way it did :( if they had just talked, like really talked..................

man idk if anyones readin this, asdhgjasd kinda embarassin. hello hi. u are cool. uhh here have this drawin i did months ago that i havent posted anywhere (IT WAS BEFORE THE NEW YEAR RGGO CARD. not like it isnt just a combo of his two hairstyles but i was still like GASP)

hohooo with my attempt at a post kiwami nish :) did u know i also have a vampire au from months ago. would anyone like to read about that. its incredibly self indulgent. yea sayin this at the end of this nonsense cause im a coward agsfdyhgiog

[kael-writ]

CW: sexual violence and medical trauma

yknow, I wanted so badly to be able to entirely blame myself for bolting from the gyny yesterday. If it was just a problem with me, I can have total control of it.

but I dont think the way they handled it was ok. I had a crying panic attack about a vaginal exam and said "well it seems like I dont have a choice". They also knew I hadnt been to a gyny in 20 years. I barely looked at them. I hugged my body. It was really obvious I was very uncomfortable and scared and upset.

I think it would have helped a lot if they had done things to help me trust them - like say it was my choice, I could take breaks if I needed, and talked more about the procedure. Talked to me more about making me comfortable.

Also, I dont know that this procedure even WAS necessary when they were just "seeing for themselves" what the ER had already found.

Instead they just kinda said, we need to do this, and not much else- and then with two complete strangers staring at me, ordered me to undress from the waist down. Just like that, right there in front of them. They couldnt offer me a gown, to undress in private, or something? My last gyny was that long ago but I swear that's what she did then.

I panicked and bolted. And yes, I could have acted differently. Im not saying I dont have ANY responsibility or way to make the situation better. Im just saying, I think gynys ought to change how they deal with people who may be severely uncomfortable.

After talking to two female friends, BOTH of them mentioned feeling panic of the gyny. I bet this is really common, especially with young people.

When I was in the ER, and at Planned Parenthood, they did a lot more to make me comfortable and feel safe. I refused a pelvic at PP, and the lady did just kinda assume I was having a pelvic instead of asking, but they didnt push me to do it.

In the ER they presented it as my choice, they talked about taking breaks, they talked me through it, they offered breaks, they offered aftercare when I was crying and working on my breathing to prevent a panic attack. I felt safe, understood, and respected.

I was supposed to get my surgery from that hospital, where I had built trust, that week, and then insurance got declined. And that made me have to start all over. And this is hard.

It hurt to have to feel like I am not allowed access to a great care team because Im too poor, and being poor in part because of medical disabilities that include mental and physical chronic illness. What a sick joke. American healthcare.

I didnt even really go through any major sexual trauma, nothing that happened to me in terms of actual sex was even entirely non-consensual, just kinda not having my full consent fully respected the whole time and stuff like that. And stuff like getting groped at parties or whatever, frankly really normal stuff. I also do have some history of being mistreated by medical people in the past, mostly due to being queer and mentally ill. but nothing really major. I cant imagine what this would be like for someone who had survived something much more extreme. 

The last person I trusted with my body I knew for a year, and he scared me very badly (trigger warning for this, but - he expressed a fantasy of killing me, during sex, out of nowhere. /TW). So why should I trust a woman I JUST met?

I want to survive, I dont want to suffer, I dont wanna get more disabled, I dont wanna lose my job. I am worried and scared, sad, exhausted, ashamed, lots of big feelings, I need help and support, and it falls on me to do this. I have therapy in a few hours, and I will come up with a plan. but I would like to not be the only one who learns from my experience. I would like some doctor somewhere to hear my story some day and learn.

[axvoter]

Blatantly Partisan Party Review XIX (NSW 2023): Ungrouped Independents

Phew! I was worried I had started my reviews too late to cover all the Legislative Council candidates before election day. Life might have got in the way, but here we go: the final review!

At the far right of your large Legislative Council ballot paper, you will find a column of 11 ungrouped independents below the line. These are people running solo campaigns without a running mate, so they do not get a separate column below the line nor a square above the line. The only way to vote for any of these candidates is to vote below the line. This means none of the 11 has a chance of winning a seat, but they’re always interesting to look at anyway.

I covered one of the ungrouped candidates, Colleen Fuller, when reviewing the Indigenous–Aboriginal Party of Australia. She’s second in the list of ungrouped indies. Let’s run through the other 10 in ballot order.

Stefan Prasad (Facebook profile)

Recommendation: weak or no preference

Prasad has done a politics degree but he does not seem to have learnt much about how to campaign effectively. He has a limited web presence and an even more spare policy platform. A Facebook post urges people that “if you don't know who to for Vote for, Vote for me!!” This is not a very compelling pitch. In response to a reply asking for his policies, he says that “since the needs of the NSW constituents are ever changing, I didnt think it was necessary to provide a set of fixed policies, policies need to change in accordance to the needs of the people”. Yep, this is a policy-free space from a guy who does not seem to stand for anything.

Warren Grzic (Facebook)

Recommendation: decent preference

Grzic is a bit of a serial candidate—he has stood in state and federal elections before, both as an independent and for Sustainable Australia. I haven’t reviewed him previously but here’s last year’s b_auspol review. He’s a big fan of greater investment in railways—to quote from a page he made for the 2022 federal election, “Expand railway networks across Australia to fight traffic and pollution and climate change”. This is pretty much the quickest way to get me onside and he pushes railways and public transport more than anything else. Indeed, he’s not just focused on one aspect of the system but makes comments on urban commuter networks, freight rail, and long-needed regional upgrades alike.

But let’s consider his other priorities. He supports striking nurses and better investment in staffing throughout the healthcare sector. He wants better management of water infrastructure. I’m a little unsure about his attitude on development and housing—his prior SusAus involvement makes me wonder if there’s a bit of NIMBYism, but if there is, it’s not prominent. I’m also not clear exactly what he wants when he calls for the tax system to be simplified: is this an inane demand for flat taxes, or untangling arcane parts of the tax code? All in all I’m favourably disposed towards him but with some queries.

Van Huynh (website)

Recommendation: middling to decent preference

Van George Huynh—his website is votegeorge dot org but the name on the ballot will be Van Huynh—offers an ambitious and eccentric plan for NSW. The first thing you see when opening his website is that “we will win this war on inflation” but oh boy his ambitions go well beyond beating inflation. He wants to “Convert Chatswood into the new world financial capital”, create a new Silicon Valley stretching from the North Shore to the Central Coast, establish major new business centres in Sydney suburbs and the Illawarra, build more universities, found a “cinema of Australia” in Newcastle and “one of the world largest entertainment centre in the state's outback near Griffith”, and much more. He would add two new public holidays: Multicultural Day in February and “Christ Day” on 31 July (mate you are aware of Christmas, right?).

Some of his ideas are good, some are complete pie-in-the-sky, some are best left unrealised. I suggest a middling to decent preference if you’re voting below the line because he is far better than a lot of the racists and cookers clogging the ballot.

Archie Lea

Recommendation: weak or no preference

Lea stood at the 2021 Upper Hunter by-election as an independent and came last in a crowded field of 13. He had previously run for Fred Nile’s now defunct Christian Democratic Party in 2016 and 2019, a big red flag. In his entry in the NSWEC’s register of candidates, he describes himself as an “Independent Christian conservative for member of Legislative Council. Independent Candidate.” It’s hard to find much more on him. At the 2021 by-election his HTV was openly pro-coal and pro-mining. Naturally I think poorly of a conservative anti-environmental candidate.

Michelle Martin (how-to-vote card)

Recommendation: weak or no preference

Martin has not made much information available online. She was listed fourth on the UAP’s Senate ticket for NSW at last year’s federal election, so that’s a bad sign. Her HTV is in milder language than many cookers, but “ensure your health choices are YOURS” leans very much towards anti-vaxxer and anti-fluoride suspicion of effective public health measures. Her open rejection of digital IDs and “cashless society” refers to two tropes currently prevalent in Australia’s conspiracist circles. She is best avoided.

Lee Howe (website)

Recommendation: decent to good preference

Howe is running on a platform of “vote 1 homes first”. She wants a fairer and more equitable society achieved through “access to safe, suitable and affordable housing”. She highlights that only 9% of rentals in NSW are affordable for those with very low incomes and that rental stress is widespread. Expanding public housing stock is a major priority for her, alongside repairing existing public housing to modern standards. She wants new developments to contain at least 15% social and affordable housing, with specific targets for houses for elderly and Indigenous people. She would abolish “no grounds” evictions, place caps on annual rent increases, and otherwise pursue positive reforms to protect tenants’ rights. Her approach is neither urbanist nor NIMBY, but focused on addressing poverty, homelessness, and insecure housing. She’s a little bit of a single-issue candidate, which always makes me hesitant, but in this case her core issue speaks to a range of policy areas.

Mick Allen (website)

Recommendation: middling to decent preference

Well this fella is entertaining. His campaign page is “Mad Mick for a Better World”. It has links to some specific policy pages… and then just a bunch of photos of his sustainable garden and the wildlife in it. It’s wonderfully eccentric. What do his policies cover? He is concerned with climate change and wants to act on UN IPCC reports—or at least “tak[e] their recommendations into consideration”. It’s no more specific than that. He’s justly angry that women still earn on average less than men: “it is bloody stupid they haven’t got it [equal pay] yet”. He suggests “We should be learning more about Aboriginal culture”, without specifying how this might occur other than that Indigenous knowledge should inform more environmental planning. He wants to stop public housing being demolished or sold, and he has very nebulous concerns about redevelopment in Blacktown that has some possible NIMBY vibes. Finally, he wants to limit vaping to reduce how many children vape—by making it subscription-only! These are all pretty simple thought bubbles, but on the other hand there’s more here than some parties and much of it trends in the right direction. Seems harmless enough.

R Cheetham

Recommendation: weak or no preference

I can find virtually no information about the candidate R Cheetham, whose registration details with the NSWEC indicate this is short for Ruth Cheetham. I cannot find a social media profile or website for a Ruth Cheetham that is definitively this candidate. She is, however, aligned with Lee Howe: one of Howe’s HTVs is authorised for both her and Cheetham, with Howe 1 and Cheetham 2. It’s strange that Howe and Cheetham didn’t run as grouped independents to get their own column on the ballot. This alliance implies Cheetham is also concerned with the social and affordable housing issues that underpin Howe’s campaign, but it's certainly not a given. The joint Howe and Cheetham HTV indicates that they feel they both have the most in common with Labor, Greens, Animal Justice, and the Public Education Party. That’s promising but again tells the prospective voter nothing about Cheetham. In the absence of any substantive information, if you’re voting below the line and preferencing fully, I’d suggest Cheetham get a weak preference but one above the cookers, fundies, and similar crackpots. If she wanted better preferences, she should have campaigned more effectively.

Guitang Lu (website)

Recommendation: weak to middling preference

Guitang Lu, a migration lawyer who in some documents also goes by the name Luke, is running on a platform of anti-racism and anti-bullying. It is based on his own experiences, which he describes here. It is the most detailed part of his site. His policies on anti-racism focus largely on remedies relevant to his complaints, but they are beneficial more broadly and extend to gender discrimination as well as racial discrimination. A bit of a single-issue candidate, but an important issue and my initial impressions were positive.

I was, however, concerned by his how-to-vote card and his instructions to potential voters. He tells voters to “Just give me ONE – 1”, or to vote below the line 1–15. The crucial word here is “or”. There is no square above the line to just vote 1 for Lu. Any voter who interprets his advice in such a way they only vote 1 for him will not cast a valid vote, as you can only vote for him below the line, in which case you must distribute 15 preferences. Worse, his HTV’s suggestion for preferences is bizarre: he suggests preferencing the top 7 candidates from the Public Education Party, which is fine, then… the top 7 candidates from the anti-vax lunatics at Informed Medical Options. This gives me serious cause for pause. I was going to suggest a decent preference for Lu but this advice to voters is misleading and implies sympathy with cookers.

George Potkonyak (website)

Recommendation: weak or no preference

Potkonyak is standing as an independent on behalf of Capellia Children Inc. It’s hard not to view him as a bit paranoid when you read “the NSW Liberal government has sold your children into the hands of the so called ‘charities’ (private subcontractors)”, as in child protection agencies. It gets worse: he has been struck off as a lawyer on the basis of professional misconduct. He is described as misinterpreting relevant legislation, behaving offensively in court, misleading the court, and “consistently engaged” in conduct “falling short of the standard of competence and diligence expected of a reasonably competent legal practitioner”. Oooof.

I think we can safely ignore anything this guy has to say. He also has a quixotic account on academia dot edu, a for-profit site which obtained its dot edu domain before this address was restricted to educational institutions. I can’t say I’m in a hurry to read his piece about whether Jesus was born of a virgin. (h/t to the author of the aforementioned b­_auspol blog, who hasn’t had time to do reviews this election but confirmed my bad vibes here)

[six40seven]

September 16-18th

I didnt go to school. I told Niki i was feeling too sick to and she just nodded and said it was fine. Just by her body language i could tell she was distracted by something else and i didnt want to bother her more then necessary. I wanted to say thanks to all the people on here sending kind messages and concerned asks. I am okay. I was just a little rattled these last few days and well, of course today. I havent slept in almost 32 hours. There is no way in hell im closing my eyes and waking up somewhere strange again with no recollection of how i got there.

This doesnt make sense, and i can tell youre telling me in your head “Ran you need to sleep.” And i know you’re right but it was just horrifying. I have a hard enough time remembering what i do when im awake. Why would this suddenly start happening to me. Its unfair. I was doing fine. Now im not, and i dread falling asleep again. Im too afriad to ask Niki to instal a lock of sorts so last night and the night before and really any time I’ve been feeling the urge to sleep.. well I’ve began to tie my foot to my post. ITS NOT TIGHT. I just dont want to wander off again.

Fall break is soon. I mean sorta. I attempted to attend school online the second day home after the ordeal but my connection was too shit. I guess its the trees blocking the signal. Or maybe the mountains. Speaking of trees, i havent left my house since that day. I dont want to risk whatever happened happening again, worse while im awak. Not that i think it will but the way the trees just… tempt me sometimes. I cant risk walking to the bus or walking even out of my house. WHEERE i use to consider it a blessing to not live in the town houses, i now regret never moving closer. Fuck. Its been so long since I’ve been outside im worried my skin will fall off my body and ill die if i spend one more day barred in my room.

Its okay, for the most part. besides the natural (?) urge i have to be outside all the time. Ive sort of forgotten to document much these o past few days. But i dont think anything else significant happened. As far as related to me. Niki didnt come back the first night and i spent all that time in ym room with the blind drawn and the lights on. I was afriad if i turned the lights off i would nod off. I ended up watching YouTube and Netflix on my laptop as well as cleaning my entire room.

Usually my room is a trash heap, i like it that way, its like having my own nest. But that first night. I couldn’t stand all the things and i pretty much Ed cleaned everything top to bottom in less then 3 hours. I found a few interested things while i was doing that, including but not limited to: a box full of my old Polaroids and camera, a stuffed animal i thought i had lost which went back onto my bed, and a total of 20 spare dollars made mostly out of 1 Dollar bills and quarters.

The only thing of real interest was the Polaroid camera. I thought i lost that thing years and years ago. I only know i had one at all because i have some older pictures pinned places and tucked into my phone case. Theyre all of people i dont really know but i like to think i do so i can carry some part of them with me. They must have been important to me at some point yk. So i decided to look through and sort out any of the Polaroids i remeber or anything like that. These are my findings. I’ll explain them after i show them to you.

starting at the left top and going left to right. It reads Nov 1st 20##. all of these are from when i was a kid. maybe when i was in 4th or 5th grade? Im not entirely sure the exact age i was. The photo shown is a picture i must have taken of some sort of important journal entry, i cant really read it but at least if i ever needed to remeber taking a picture.. I remember, thanks past me.

The next one, in order, is a picture of two shadows. Maybe three. Probably me. Maybe Niki… or Eryn. we were close when we were kids and hes in two of these already. So ill just mention him. idk if he will be okay with me talking about him on here. I dont think he knows i have this account. hopefully he doesnt find it. Not that i would care very much. He just doesnt like me. The caption is just a date. oct 3rd. no year. I wonder when it happened? sometime in my childhood probably. I havent used this camera in years and years. I lost it so long ago.

The third is a weirdly saturated picture of a park in my town. The bigger town. Its just weird. And the caption says… evacuating or something. Its sorta weird. also Niki might have taken this picture because her name is on it too. Seems like her type of thing. from what i remeber as a kid, when we still lived in the big town, she was into weird saturated pictures. Something about scene. I dont know really.

The fourth is on the second line of pictures i found in the Box. On the bottom left. It says July 20## again sometime in my childhood. It shows aforementioned Eryn crouching ont he ground showing something to everyone. Or the viewer. I can see myself, or younger me. Younger me off to the side. Someone else took this picture. I dont remeber this happening. But it was important enough to keep so there it is. Thats pretty much it.

The fifth, wow thats a lot of numbers. Its got a smiley face :) on it. and its a picture of the lake. Yk the one bordering the left side of the bigger town. Its one of the smaller more muddy parts so its all gross. Probably from a hike that i wanted to remeber with Niki or something. I loved the lake when i was a kid. It was fun to swim in but after… after awhile i stopped going and then it closed because of something weird and now you can only go hiking near and around it.

The sixth. A picture of me and ****** hugging. Eryn in the background. It reads Eryn & ##### July. Its a cute picture. I dont know… who ****** is? Yeah i dont know. but i must have known them at one point because thats them. Yeah. They look familiar in the worse way and i pretty much threw that one back in the box as soon as I could. I dont like lookign at it. My stomach hurts when i do.

The seventh. And last a picture of a cat. Even when i was a kid i also apparently liked cats. It reads Spring 20##.

So yeah. I just wanted to say im glad i was able to find them and document them somewhere. I also thought while im explaing photos and stuff ill go into a little detail about what i discovered from that night. Posted on here.

The first piece is clearly a path somewhere in the forest. If i were to say, somewhere further in the mountains, near where the older remains of mines are. The only thing wrong about this piece is that…. When i posted it, theres no wya for there to have been snow. So either the photo is altered in some way, which is unlikely, because from what i can tell it was posted in the middle of the night. Or it was actually snowing wherever i was. even though all the previous days it had been raining.

The next picture looks like some sort of underground tunnel, lined with bricks and ending in step leading up to a barred and maybe locked? I dont know, barred iron gate. I have never seen that place before. Ive been in a lot of abandoned buildings that I’ve found near here but I’ve never seen something like this. The only explaination i can give for the location is possibly a sewer enterance somewhere in the basement of one of the older buildings, not from the big town but rather from the smaller town nearer to my house. Again, it looks like its snowing. Which makes no sense in any context, since it was snowing when i woke up (even though i said i thought it was) and because if this was underground where would snow be coming from? The title says… I heard you. Im here. I dont remeber this. Obviously. and i dont know who i would have.. heard? It doesnt make any sense.

The third picture… i dont have much to say. It looks dark. Maybe its related to the second picture, maybe its on the otherside of the gate. But I’ve never seen a place that dark before. Especially if it has walls. which I think it does. so it must be in a building somewhere out in the forest. Sorta supports my abandoned building theory. Or abandoned mine shaft? I have no idea. But the capture is clearly a long hallway. the caption says something is wrong. No duh. I am clearly self aware even if i dont remeber. I wonder if i act different..

Anyway, thats all for the last few days. I probably will end up attending school tomorrow. Niki isnt home yet, its near the end of the day so if she isnt home by now im assuming shes staying overnight at the office. wouldn’t be the first, wont be the last. I might get a snack before trying not to fall asleep a third night in a row. If anyone wants to chat with me, ill be open to the distractions.

[borderlinebabys-blog]

Just a ramble...

Temu things came in and the normal hit of dopamine I get opening the package didn't happen. It may just be because I'm down a bit today...I don't know but I'll probably take a break from ordering things other than maybe getting a few Christmas presents for other people.

My boyfriends daughter has been doing some sketchy stuff lately when it comes to food. We caught her putting some of the food she didn't want into a baggie to try and hide it from us, we also have an app on her phone that monitors everything and she told a few people that she didn't eat breakfast or dinner a couple of days last week. I think she was just saying that for attention tbh because I didn't find the food that she claims she didnt eat anywhere but we all know how easy it is to be sneaky like that when needed. Today when she got home from school I saw on the nanny cam that she took something out of her lunchbox and hid it under her stuffed animal. Im not entirely sure what it was but if she tries to put more food in the baggie later during dinner we will have no choice but to either confront her or make everyone eat dinner together so we can make sure she actually eating it. Anyway, I will be keeping a close eye on her around meal times for a bit to make sure shes not following in my footsteps...

I am extremely irritable today. Part of which is due to being very very hungry. Im also just fed up with my life. We were supposed to be getting rid of the kittens today but the person who wanted to take both of them decided she no longer wanted them. My boyfriend messaged some of the other people who were interested but hasn't heard back. I responded with something along the lines of "ugh...I need them gone" (I haven't been able to sleep very well lately due to them) and my boyfriend got kind of snappy with his response when I said this...I know I'm probably just reading too much into it but I hate when he gets grouchy at me like that. Also I'm SICK of him just doing nothing when he is home. There is so much that needs to be done, only things that he can do, and every time he is home he just sleeps, plays his damn video games, and complains that he sick or tired. Then he gets mad at me when I try to push him to actually do something. I'm getting really tired of his shit, getting tired of pretty much having no support when it comes to things involving HIS son or the house/animals. I've been wanting to leave for a while but days like today just push me closer and closer to walking out the door. I need to get my anxiety under control so that I can actually go out and meet people. I am currently talking to someone that I like and he likes me, wants me to move in with him and everything. I fear that its only a matter of time before he gets tired of me saying no every time he wants to come see me or take me out. I need to be brave...Theres just so much to worry about though...ugh...

Tonight my dinner will be the other half of the acorn squash I made on Saturday and a piece of avocado toast. Today's weigh in went alright...up from last weigh in but I think this evening when I weigh in again (I do morning and evening on weigh in days) it will be what it was last weigh in or maybe even lower. Taking into consideration the amount of calories actually consumed over the last few days I should not have gained any weight. I'm holding onto hope that it was up due to food still being in my digestive tract. Honestly who knows though...maybe I need to get a little more strict with myself...

All for now I guess. Might be on later but that's doubtful.