#well just too odd at times
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she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let
and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment
and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.
and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment
and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?
to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.
and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.
you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.
#this btw is not including toxic friendships this is legit just something ive experienced MANY times now#writeblr#you ever have a friend in one of those relationships where ur like#u don't HATE their partner explicitly#but ur like. what the fuck y'all#like the weird part of being an adult is that you can't be like . CERTAIN their relationship is toxic#and also if u move too fast or push too hard u can hurt someone who is already in a scary situation so you just are like#frozen there. laughing awkwardly. saying ''haha..... yeah..... couldn't be me....''#and like u can't tell - is this banter or does he actually think like. he's better than her.#all you can do is be there for your friend and hope they wake up to it#or ... that it really IS good#and it's just odd to you#tbh btw id rather have my friends feel safe coming to me if they have a concern about my relationship#like yes it's not ur business but it also IS bc im making u hang out with them and also ur my friend#it's a weird thing to experience as an adult bc it is such a blurry line and when u spend time#around couples that aren't like ACTUALLY ur friends but instead ''extended friend circle'' ur like#.... i don't know y'all well enough and he just called you a cow. and ur okay with that . and i don't know how to respond.#so ur like :) okay. um. go to couple's counselling i think#but also you are NOT supposed to pass judgement so it's like.... this weird limbo of feeling like you SHOULD say something#but knowing you CANNOT#idk that there's a way to resolve it!!!!!!!! it's probably a different approach person to person#edited my tags bc tumblr's new system fucked em up#PS EDIT: btw i should have said:#the pronouns in this can work in any and every direction. every gender and every sexuality and every#type of relationship tbh. even non-romantic relationships where ur like ''what do u mean ur bff calls u stupid''
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Inktober Day 25 - Alpha Gaming
Today I thought I'd go ahead and hunt down that new hedgehog game everyone’s so excited about, since I had a target giftcard and it's been a hot sec since I played one of these - was fully planning to hop on that cool winged shadow trend for the inktober to commemorate my success, but that changed 15 seconds into the first stage when I remembered I actually suck shit at sonic games 👍
#inktober#inktober2024#my art#doodles#shadow#shadow the hedgehog#sonic#sxsg#sonic x shadow generations#my experience can best be summarized by the first 30 seconds of playing the game#where I used chaos control for the first time and Immediately shot off the side of the stage and died#I have despite all odds gotten past the first boss#but I am well acquainted by this point with the entirety of kirk thorton's professional dying discography#shadow I think you're very cool and I'm very sorry that I'm going to make you look like an Utter fool for the entire run of the game#in fairness his stages seem way easier than the single sonic one I tried hA#i just can't fucking see where sonic is half the time in the 2d sections#maybe I need to get my eyes checked or something idk#the hogs are just moving too fast for me smh#it is nice to play one of these again though it has been a While#for reference the one and only other sonic game I played was unleashed lol#back in uhhhh#2008????#god#well glad to know my gaming hasn't improved much since then lmao
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iceman + his concern for maverick post-hop 31
#icemav#top gun edit#ice is a FASCINATING one to watch post-hop 31 imo because while yes‚ obviously‚ the focus is on maverick and his grief and devastation#ice is there the whole time in the background‚ watching. and he's visibly disturbed by what he's seeing. because yeah -#he and mav had a rivalry going and yeah he called maverick dangerous and reckless to his face and he stands by that - he does.#but the problem is that this time - this one fluke freak accident of a time - it wasn't maverick's fault at all.#an unrecoverable flat spin brought on by a compressor stall from ice's jetwash isn't something that maverick could've outflown#by sticking to textbook maneuvers. it was just shit luck and shitty circumstances aligning to create a tragic mishap.#but now - now ice can see the way maverick is unraveling in the aftermath#and i'd bet that on some level it terrifies him to see that.#he's used to seeing maverick with all that brash cocky confidence with the moves to back it up.#he's maybe even had a bit of fun jockeying against that. not that he'd admit that out loud. (yet)#but maverick's spiraling now - a hollowed out shell of his former self - leaking grief and self-doubt and despair everywhere he goes#and it actually hurts to look at for ice‚ seeing maverick like this. seeing how much maverick really REALLY fucking cared under that facade#and wondering if maverick is finally taking the stuff ice said to him to heart‚ but applying it all wrong.#so he watches maverick and eventually that concern builds to a point where he tries to offer an olive branch in the locker room#you can SEE how carefully he gathers himself - how much he's holding back - he doesn't want to say the wrong thing to maverick NOW#he doesn't want to make this worse than it already is. so it comes out stilted. it's earnest - but restrained. he can't find his footing.#he doesn't know where he and maverick stand now but he's sorry - that goose is gone‚ that maverick's going through this‚#that he doesn't know how to help or what to say‚ and - crucially - for his own part in this.#but he wants mav to stick around and push through this. even though he's dangerous. even though he's reckless. ice wants him to beat this.#so when maverick shows up to graduation‚ ice is encouraged. and he's a little warmer. maverick really might pull through.#but then‚ all too soon‚ it's ice's life on the line in maverick's hands. and it scares the shit out of him because maverick's not ready#and now ice - and slider - are going to have to pay the price for that.#and then‚ against all odds‚ maverick pushes through. he comes back for them. he comes back for ice.#and after that...well.#after that‚ ice does know what to say: a vow.#my amvs#linds original
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PLS PLS PLSSSSS keep talking about kids with olympic athletes! gojo and nanami pls pls pls i have to Know. everything u wrote about yuuta was already so so cute
(prev olympics au here)
the gojo twins are hilarious because your baby boy looks exactly like satoru, but has very little of his personality—it seems like the only things he inherited was satoru’s love for sweets and love for you. still, even though he’s a strong swimmer, he much prefers to relax in his floaties alongside you if you’re also in the pool, or chill by your side on a lounge chair, glasses too big for his face keeping the sun out of his eyes as he shares his smoothie with you, and asks to borrow your phone to take pictures of his sister and daddy in the pool.
your baby girl on the other hand… she might have your face but she’s got satoru’s everything else—his competitive streak, his confidence, and definitely his mischievous nature. she’s the one who tiptoes into your bedroom at five in the morning, tapping at her daddy’s shoulders, and putting her little finger over his lip to shush him before he can wake you up; she’s always the one to convince satoru to take her swimming the backyard at the crack of dawn, and why by the time you and your baby boy wake up, she and satoru are already past warm up laps and swimming lessons and onto who can make the splashiest canonball competitions (she always wins because while her tiny body can endure a belly flop, satoru’s years of training physically doesn’t allow him to do it… and maybe because he’s not so competitive when it comes to his baby girl, he’ll always let her win).
kento’s professional judo career honestly doesn’t last very long. after his first olympic games, you two start dating and he proposes just after he wins gold the second time he’s in the olympics; he does maybe two more years of national competitions while you’re pregnant, and decides that the intense training for the next two years in preparation of a third olympic competition isn’t worth missing time he could spend with you or your baby girl—plus, with all the money he’s made from competitions, winning gold medals, brand ambassadorships, commercials, and collaborations, he had enough money to provide for all of your for the rest of your lives. so, that’s what he does (his dream has always been to be a househusband, anyway...) his previous salaryman career comes in handy when deciding how to invest his money, how to buy a house, how to take care of his friends, how to set up a fund for your daughter, and an extra account or two… just incase more babies come along…
by the time your baby girl is four, she’s already kento’s biggest fan. she loudly and proudly proclaims to everybody that her daddy was basically superman and won all the shiny trophies and medals in the house from when he was being a superhero. if anyone recognizes kento when they’re out together, she always confirms their suspicions, proudly boasting, “yeah kento is my daddy! he’s a winner!” it always makes kento’s heart swell to hear her praise. he doesn’t compete professionally anymore, but he does train from time to time, and has taken on a few mentees, and your daughter LOVES to watch him coach/train. she’s got her own uniform that she always puts on whenever they go to the gym together, and gets so excited when kento or ino or yuuji pretend to spar with her.
she’s honestly kento’s mini figure. she’s respectful and reserved, but strong and knows when to fight and how to use her voice. there’s a time when he gets a call from her school saying that she got in a fight, the principal frames it as your daughter needlessly pushing around an older kid, but your daughter is certain in her words when she tells her dad that it was because the kid was being mean to the younger kids, and to her. kento doesn’t say a word to the teachers—doesn’t even fight them sending her home early for the day, because he’s happy to scoop her up and take her out for ice cream and tell her that he’s proud of her.
#anonymous#gojo twins r so real to me... one looks like him but does Not act like him and the other one does not look like him but might as well Be Hi#and he loves n smothers them both so much....#kento goes from salaryman to professional athlete to househusband he really does live the dream life LOLLL#see also: kento's baby girl 🤝 satoru's baby girl = best friends LOLL#in my head kento and satoru are olympians at the same time/know each other#but yuuji isn't he has his own story/trajectory#which is why he is nanami's mentee in This Universe#actually i think yuuji's kinda exists on his own#and all his friends/his circle are real proud of him when it's all said n done yk#nobara teases him about finally putting his strength to good use megumi is proud in his own way#his grandpa and nanami are obviously proud of him and he comes home w a gold medal#and is basically a hero in his tiny home town#(also time for me to introduce my favorite hc: yuuta and yuuji childhood friends bc they're from the same city)#the narutoism of it all... he comes home w gold and everyone basically tosses him up and down... angel boy :(#megumi kinda exists in the kento/satoru world too i think... nd before him there was toji#wait maybe yuuta and yuuji can exist in the same timeline nd everyones like what r the odds those two kids from sendai are olympians#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo satoru x reader#satoru x reader#nanami kento x reader#kento x reader#think tho in the yuuta/yuuji olympics verse yuuji competes 2 or maybe 3 times (so total of 12 years) nd then quits#not because he's gotten weaker but just because he really did it for the money yk but he's set for life now#honestly he was set after the first time but he just wanted to be sure/you and his grandpa encouraged him to at least do it to have Fun#this time around so he does#but for yuuta this is his Career yk like he loves tennis#he's not in it for the olympics he just likes it and happens to be real good at it#two of them talking about each other in press conferences so cute
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chiens-loups
#''it strikes me that i know that girl'' <- lines that sit in your head forever and ever. narrative parallels of all time#thoughts#my art#les mis#javert#eponine#victor hugo said we've had nice parallels between a middle aged man and a young girl. now it's time for fucked up parallels#i had a whole collection of these w the two of them about parallels/cycles/javert perpetuating the same system that hurt him. but#they're barely sketches so i'll just post this on its own#there's a version of this with ghostly dogs things curled around them which was fun to do but felt a little too silly/reductive/unclear#so i took it out. altho i had a fun bit abt how their different collars represented their character#also not completely sure how i picture eponine but trying things out. i was really thinking abt how in her first appearance hugo emphasizes#that she is still a child even though she doesn't see herself that way & she's been forced to grow up quickly & was sort of trying to#reflect that. the odd area in mid teenage idk#still not Entirely happy with how i've structured/positioned it but it's been sitting on my computer for weeks so i may as well post it
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i’m sure this has been said before but when adam and michael are talking in the bunker about the possibility of michael’s dad being a grade a asshole, there’s something so so so important to me about how adam points out michael’s hypocrisy.
ADAM: Point is…. Parents keep secrets. Does it hurt to ask the question?
MICHAEL: Yes! It would mean I doubt him. The good son; the favorite doubts his father.
ADAM: You still care about that? After he left you in the cage?
this matters because michael was JUST criticizing sam and dean for leaving adam and how he is in unable to trust them. he doubts them because of their actions.
MICHAEL: You’re asking me to trust you. You who doomed me, you who let Lucifer walk free while your own brother sat in Hell.
in turn, adam is pointing out that clearly michael has a line for his family members and it’s been crossed by michael’s own, so why is his dad any different than sam or dean? what makes michael different than adam? why does his dad get to betray and abandon him and still get michael’s trust and loyalty? why is michael expendable?
he’s really tapping into michael’s beliefs that were just established to us as the audience at the diner. (ie: family sometimes hurts you and just because they’re blood relatives or ‘family’ doesn’t mean they have your best interests at heart. sometimes there are things more important than family, sometimes walking away from your family is freedom) and he’s holding michael to the same standard he’s set for the winchesters.
side note: another thing i enjoy about this interaction is that adam is being gentle, although it 100% appears as if they’ve had this conversation before since he literally rolls his eyes, and not to mention that michael is an archangel. he could easily be mean or not even care about his feelings or michael could not even take his opinion into account and do what he wants. but despite everything, adam asks for michael to listen to him, and he does. and in turn adam appeals to him with logic and reasoning, because he’s overall a very rational and strategic being that’s simply been groomed from the get go in his dad’s weird cult. adam appeals to his emotions in a way that’s familiar. they share this experience. adam knows michael is protective of him and that it’s easy for michael to hate sam and dean for the same things his dad has done. but michael’s own lack of self worth that was drilled into him by his dad for aeons is being challenged, and it’s uncomfortable for him, but adam doesn’t back down and he helps get through to him. it’s really a great scene. this post wasn’t meant to be so long but yeah i have lots of thoughts about this short interaction!
#also the fact that michael compares him and adam being together for years (around 50k) as comparable in importance….#he’s not saying that adam is less important he’s presenting a logical fallacy. there’s been so much time. he can’t change his belief now#it’s been eternity! what does that mean for him? it’s the logic of the sunk cost fallacy#he’s invested so much time in it that he has to continue and adam is pulling him away with appealing to his compassion for a situation#adam was also in. and the nail in the coffin was castiel showing him those memories. it’s one of the reasons why#15x19 feels so odd because he is very 0-100. he 100% had faith his father and then had no faith in him#so it feels kinda ooc for him to suddenly go back when he spent 6 months coming to terms with something he had already been questioning#then for him to go back to his dad? why? what does he gain? both he and lucifer actually have this issue where their motivations aren’t#exactly established. we can assume lucifer is told a paradise type fantasy where he gets to have jack or something of equal importance#and we can assume michael is told that he will bring adam back but both of them have been betrayed so many times (and so recently) it’s#whiplash for them to be suddenly team god again. also michael killing lucifer is ooc imo as well#it just feels too convenient considering jack needed to absorb more power in regards to both their deaths#anyway lol#supernatural#adam milligan#dean winchester#sam winchester#spn#michael spn#15x08#spn 15x08
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I feel like now is a good time to announce that I’m in the process of moving blogs! Im doing so for a few reasons, the main one being paranoia, so for that reason I won’t be saying my new urls publicly so like please dm me if you’d like my new url so you can follow me there! I’ll be reblogging this post a lot so ppl can see it (so sorry if you get annoyed by that)!
I’m also remaking my discord account as well so if we’re friends on there then feel free to message me for my new username!
friends and mutuals please do reblog so shared friends/mutuals have a higher chance seeing it!
#whimsy whispers#I’m just like ahdjfjjg#I’ve been considering remaking blogs for a few years now (as some of you may know) and like simply changing urls isn’t enough#no matter how many times I chnage urls the paranoia won’t go away and I think that starting a new blog is the best choice#idk what to do if my newest blog gets found by the ppl I’m paranoid about like idk the odds of that are low (I hope) alas I’m still anxious#about it#for some slight context: I’ve had several people now pop up in my life pretending to be other people/several people and while I’ve blocked#then on every social media account I interacted with them in im still paranoid about them lurking#and then like there’s other reasons to remake as well#I’m tired of this blog like I love it it’s been fun but I think starting over will be nice#tbh this is the longest I’ve had a blog without remaking I usually remake accounts every so often#I don’t intend to remake my next blog like at all but like agdhjfjg I have a habit of getting bored of accounts and staring over (usually#this applies to art accounts like y’all wouldn’t believe how many deviantart accounts I’ve had)#uhhhh idk I’ve been rambling for too long#I have this in drafts rn but you should be seeing this post soon
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The Substance was easily one of the best movies of the year imo… loved the directing, the acting, the writing, the costumes, the cinematography (all those stark angles…), the outdoor shots, the INTERIORS… the way men were written and visually filmed, the way we don’t stay in a room after the main character leaves just so we can hear what everyone else thinks about her - it is HER narrative - I fucking love women directing horror esp. body horror. This is not even to mention the anti-cosmetic modification/injection/surgery themes which are… 😳 Universal was scared to release this film and backed out!!!! GO SEE THIS (but be warned it’s Extremely gory - all I’ll say is haters of excessive CGI in horror will NOT be disappointed in the creativity on display here)
#there’s something here for all women as well as for anyone whos tried to carve a new self out.#i think its incredibly apt#i probably dont need to explain to anyone why this is incredibly personal to me#like it could be a metaphor for multiple ways i nearly physically destroyed myself in pursuit of the Perfect#i cried so many times in the theatre lol#i will say it was odd to hear outrageous male audience laughter at some points but it IS darkly comedic and i laughed many times#anyway this movies thesis is in some ways the opposite of the t v glow shit. which oh it just delights me.#i did think some of the visual messaging was heavyhanded. however.. the wider audience frankly needs it :/#i saw way too many ppl reviewing it on tumblr who thought the MOVIE was mean spirited because antagonists r mean to some of the characters#so like. you can imagine how much the direct visual thesis went right over their head lol
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Okay, but someone could STILL do something really, really funny
#vena vents#THIRD (or fourth? How many times has it been?) TIME'S THE CHARM#Hey god? What are the odds of an aneurysm in that dude's noggin? Because pls#He's well beyond the average lifespan of white men and not lookin too healthy so I'm just sayin...#not art#Being a pessimist has a way of making bad things a lot easier to cope with because you expect it to go badly regardless#makes GOOD things a lot harder to enjoy if you sink too far into it though#Also it's hard to feel as bad for us even when it's warranted on account of the fact there's a literal genocide happening rn#There is time for us to at least prepare and brace ourselves. They do not have such a privilege nor the means to#We are not being actively wiped out and starved as we speak#You feel free to do so esp if you're in a state more affected than mine especially but that's a me thing
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paranoia about posting is so odd. "they're gonna know." know what?? i'm mentally ill? why is that bad. also its pretty freaking obvious. this is tumblr.com after all.
#i have so so many drafts bc of this. ill let them out someday#I'm mostly worried about posting something delusional and sounding odd#but i think constantly trying to assess if a thought is delusional or not is exhausting#i just want to be able to say things on my silly blog without worrying#what im tryna say is I'm aware I might be saying absolute nonsense but i want to be able to talk freely anyways#so yeah idk.#also ill be fine its just the stress i think. this too shall pass yadda yadda. i just dont feel like logging out of tumblr until it does.#if its here to stay thats ok too ill learn how to cope.#I think stressing over whether I'm currently sane or not is a waste of time I cant change it either way so might as well roll with it.#even if i'm scared#ok yeah thats all. i want to draft this but i feel like that defeats the whole purpose lol#rambling#paranoia
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The poem evokes human greatness and human vulnerability. People are “godlike” in their courage and skill, but even the greatest mortals fall and clutch the dust between their bloody fingers. The beautiful word minunthadios , “short-lived,” is used of both Achilles and Hector, and applies to all of us. We die too soon, and there is no adequate recompense for the terrible, inevitable loss of life. Yet through poetry, the words, actions, and feelings of some long-ago brief lives may be remembered even three thousand years later.
--Emily Wilson's introduction to the Iliad
#so. we've come to the Iliad section in my Early World Literature class. and in that context we're utilizing the public domain translation by#A. S. Kline which made me think: you know what would be extremely fucking cool? since I'm going to have access to the Kline text until#the course closes in December. why don't I at least start the Wilson version and see how the two translations differ? so I'm now reading#The Iliad#as translated by Wilson and performed by the utterly masterful Audra McDonald. or well. I _would be except I'm so delighted. stunned. by#the incisive thought-provokingness of her introduction I keep needing to pause and write down various quotes: just this whole idea of#the poem revolving around how all all our deaths shall come too soon and there is no adequate compensation for that awful fact just FUCK#linguistics#mythology#folklore#fairy tales#lit geekery#book babbling#(oh I am already so fucking deep in this fannish hell and I haven't even really started her translation: like the Kline one is fine. but#it's very focused on *trying* to be Homeric you know? so there are all these very archaic references ala to Apollo#as Smintheus. which I then have to stop and look up oh. that means he's the mouse god and being the mouse god is important because#it ties back to him being an oracular god. which is then why the Greeks want to turn to another oracular god when he gets all pissy at them#and on one level. learning that mice were associated with the power of prophecy? extremely cool shit. on the other. well I have to#read a large chunk of this text in a fucking week Kline my good bud was it really necessary to provide an odd mouse reference I then#needed to find the context for *myself* I can already tell Wilson's tendency to provide context. both in the intro and just in general#wanting to make it readable terms will make this so! much easier of an introduction. (Kline. by contrast. would be really fucking cool if#you were a third-time reader and wanted all the marvelous nuance. just *rubs forehead* not a great intro when you're only focusing on#this text for a fucking week)
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pov a huge twewy/ntwewy nerd visits shibuya part 3
not accessible until so so late in ntwewy but always had something super cool going on when it did (irl this park was. not as big and impressive as i thought it would be)
nefastraven grinding hell (needing a ton of rare metals to get all those special cds… ugh) wish i had a better photo of those signs that said center street oops
the gang gets slapped by the nightmare reality of the game, abandoned by their new dad, forced into a new game, and then… locked inside a gate. in a cutesy loud and bright place. while they’re still trying to process so much awful stuff. (this place was highkey sensory hell but it was cool. but why is that blue anime boy named colon)
rich person store (dang anime poster decimating the whole mirror wall!!!) + plaza where i would soundsurf in a circle for like 20 minutes
ok NOW i think i’ve covered all my stuff. yippee!!! this was so fun
#peach rambles#neo the world ends with you#the world ends with you#twewy#ntwewy#neo twewy#subaseka tag#not even gonna lie i’m loving tokyo street fashion there are so many fits (both like. ‘old-fashioned’ and modest as well as wild and cutesy#that i like totally have always wanted to wear but would receive weird looks for in the west#it’s so!!! boring!!! at home!!!!#like wearing skirts automatically makes ppl think you’re a bit odd and old fashioned#no fun accessories nothing cool just like. blehhhhhhg#i’ve been finding instantly the kinds of clothing i used to look for for years in the states#man#still i wasn’t interested in clothes shopping anyway bc i was all hot and gross and also i think it would be too difficult as a foreigner#but hey at least my brother got his fate grand order merch lol#well ok i did get an obi which is super cool#um anyway (this was about twewy but w/e) i guess this is to say i’ve been really enjoying my time here!#mine: twewy
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*smashes in like the Kool-Aid man*
PENDRAGON SIBLINGS YOU SAY????
I have. So many Feels. About Themst™
The complexity?? The layers?? The angst?? Hello??????
Their relationship is just So Much, because you are right, it's all tangled up in miscommunication and missed opportunities, and so many problems that can be sourced back to Uther "War Crimes" Pendragon, who wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it bit him on the ass.
If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.
Because it's the lonely childhoods, the shared grief, the friendship, the vulnerability, the fondness, the teasing, the envy, the jealousy, the almost romance, the protectiveness, the betrayal, the loss, the hurt, the refusal to let go and the desperate hanging on, and the love, the love, the love.
Indifference is the true opposite of love.
Hate is love that's gone rotten.
“If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.” oh fuck….
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK
WAIT HOLD ON WAIT LEMME PIGGYBACK ON THAT BESTIE @0hheytherebigbadwolf (tagging you bc it will be a couple days after you sent this ask)
(Also, for anyone wanting background context on what me and bestie are bouncing off on: voilà)
OK OK SO
we are all familiar with King Uther being the greatest (worst) dad of all time, correct? places such high expectations on his “only son and heir” whilst never officially acknowledging Morgana as his daughter until the very end?
F+ father of the year :)
he is not above sending his children into the dungeon if they disobey him as seen here:
(Jfc he even put Morgana in chains like wtf)
also, he is not above using emotional guilt towards them when he deems it necessary (aka one of the only times he actually acknowledges them as his children)
UTHER (1x02 Valiant) I trust you will make me proud.
UTHER (1x08 The Beginning of the End) I’ve treated you like a daughter. Is this how you repay me?
UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) You are the daughter I never had.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) You would believe a sorcerer’s lies over the word of your father?
not to mention that when Arthur or Morgana try to reason with him or argue with him since they are the only ones with the status to do so, he pulls rank
UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) May I remind you that you are speaking to your King [...] Take care, child, or I’ll have you restrained.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am your king and your father. You will show me some respect!
UTHER (2x06 Beauty and the Beast) We live in dangerous times, I cannot allow you to undermine my authority.
UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final.
ngl i could include more but i have already spent hours searching for shit (YOUTUBE WILL DIE BY MY HAND THAT STINGY BITC—) but y’all get what i mean: Uther is an abusive fucker and it has messed up the conditions of Arthur and Morgana
now, about the double edged blade…..
as previously established, Uther is a fucking dick and wants his children to obey him but also adore him. with this behavior, the Pendragon siblings react in two ways: with anger & contempt or submission and remorse
way #1
i’m gonna start with Morgana because anger is the easiest to pick out throughout the show. in the first episode of the first season, our introduction to Morgana’s character is her lecturing Uther about executing the man Merlin witnessed upon entering Camelot (such a warm welcome for Emrys, mh?)
MORGANA I just don't think chopping someone's head off is cause for a celebration. That poor mother. UTHER It was simple justice for what he'd done. MORGANA To whom? He practiced some magic, he didn't hurt anyone. UTHER You were not around twenty years ago, you have no idea what it was like. MORGANA How long are you going to keep punishing people for what happened then?
early on, it is easy to pick up on Morgana’s resentment and anger at Uther, who she believes is blinded by his fear of magic and his need for control (which she isn’t wrong about). also, we find that she isn’t one to back off when poking the bear (Uther). she does it constantly in seasons 1 & 2
MORGANA (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) Why would she kneel on a cold stone floor morning after morning when she could make these things happen with a snap of her fingers? Like an idle king!
MORGANA (1x08 The Beginning of the End) How can this child be your enemy? He's just a boy. UTHER He is a Druid. MORGANA Is that such a crime?…What have these people done to you? Why are you so full of hate?
UTHER (2x04 Lancelot and Guinevere) How many men would you have me sacrifice to save a servant? MORGANA As many as it takes!
to be honest, i wouldn’t be surprised if screaming, arguing and berating Uther about his morals and ethics is her way of proving that she is not weak or submissive to his actions. i mean, Morgana grew up in a household the complete opposite from her time in Camelot. Gorlois, the man whom Morgana considers to be her father and one and only family member, was said to be “just” and “kind” and someone that Uther even considered a good friend who openly kept him in check. Morgana, until the age of ten, understood parental love and empathy unlike Arthur, who spent his whole life without any good or healthy substance of it.
the culture of Camelot and Uther’s wrath is not something Morgana was ever able to fully acclimate to as Uther himself pointed out in 1x12. She “was at odds with [him] since the beginning” and could never picture herself as a Pendragon (point further proven in 4x05: she looked revolted when Queen Annis compared her to Uther) because she didn’t share in their idea of magic = evil and a king = absolute control.
ironic in terms of future plot events, isn’t it :’)
way #2
compare that to Arthur: man’s respressed af. keeps all his emotions under lock and key if they are anything but haughty and serious. y’all, Arthur even says it himself how he “[can't] disagree with Father [Uther] in public.” whenever Arthur finds himself at odds with Uther, he holds his tongue and waits until he can disobey secretly (2x05 when he leaves to rescue Gwen, 1x08 when he helps Morgana sneak out Mordred in the dark of the night, 2x08 when he sneaks out to meet Morgause for more info about his mom, etc). it is only the rare moments when Arthur feels impassioned enough to speak up without fearing any retribution does Arthur talk back at him (so satisfying 👌)
ARTHUR (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) [Morgana’s] right, Father. You hear the word magic, you no longer listen.
ARTHUR (2x08 Sins of the Father) This is what fuels your hatred for those who practice magic. Rather than blame yourself for what you did, you blame them….You hunted her kind like animals! How many hundreds have you condemned to death to ease your guilt?!….You speak of honour and nobility! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!
ARTHUR (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You can't forbid my feelings any more than I can. I won't deny them any longer, I love her. I love Guinevere.
we can even compare how the two react to Uther’s violence towards them
(ahahahahahaaaaa what a wonderful dad)
on the left, you see Arthur’s face right when Uther crushes the morteus flower needed to heal Merlin (his manservant/friend/????) and on the right, is Morgana after Uther discovers she was harboring a Druid child in her chambers and she refuses to listen to his reason.
notice how both faces are remarkably similar 👀
however, Arthur’s look of shock and dismay come from his hope that Uther would do the right thing. that he would help save Merlin’s life from dying of poison. that he wouldn’t use this as a method to teach Arthur “what it means to disobey and cross the king.” he truly did hope, just like he always does with the people he holds close. Arthur cannot help but hope and trust that those close to him will not betray him and yet so many do. hence the remorse
looking at Morgana, her shock comes from the fact that this might be the first time Uther reacted to her words and actions in a physical manner. my suspicion is that most of the time, all Morgana previously got was Uther reprimanding her and yelling at her to stop questioning his methods (bc, let’s be real, she was the favorite child.) never has he lifted a finder on her like Arthur and i have proof (cue transcript!)
AND! and, Arthur is constantly warning Morgana about not angering Uther any further because of the consequences she might face (consequences this boy is very familiar with) when Uther deems it necessary to “teach” his children obedience.
UTHER (1x04 The Poisoned Chalice) You have to learn there's a right and a wrong way of doing things. I'll see you're let out in a week. Then you can find yourself another servant.
UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final [...] This is for your own good. - UTHER She will die. The enchantment will be broken. You'll see I was right.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am protecting you from your own foolishness!
so educational 🥰 but see, because Uther presents his punishments as lessons, Arthur himself views them as just a fucked up but meaningful way of his father’s concern because “yeah, I am the first born son and only heir to the throne. of course I need to learn not to do silly things like disobey, talk back to him, be my own person.” <- I’m paraphrasing here
Arthur does and has never seen a way out of the life thrust upon him by Uther (see 3x06). succeeding Uther as king, marrying a noblewoman of high standing for heirs and alliance strength was always expected of him. Arthur never saw a way out of this. even when he and Gwen were in their secret relationship phase, Arthur had to remind himself that this would never last. he loved her and knew she loved him, but there was always that reminder (that sounded a lot like Uther) in the back of his head telling him that it would never last so long as he was prince. he had a duty (constructed by Uther) to serve Camelot and going against his father would mean (in his eyes) that he is going against Camelot (as Uther always presented it to be).
so unlike Morgana, he did not kick and scream but stood firm because that was what he believed was stronger. if he stayed in his lane and did his part, then he would be a good king, maybe even a better one than his father, for Camelot. however, the show proves that differentiating himself from Uther actually made him the better king and more respected, but this is not the meta for that. I am getting side tracked.
OK: so we’ve established parental issues between the two siblings. now onto their very complex, complicated yet beloved dynamic
sO, as i mentioned in this post (because i am lazy and too tired to copy/paste the evidence from there), these siblings do care for one another. they just go about it in the most hilarious and repressed and in-denial way (hilarious to me 😤)
when we meet them, it’s established that these two have known each other for some time. enough for them to bicker and have banter, you know, as you do with a Pendragon. also, should add, neither character are ever aware they are blood-related until s3 (because of some weak-ass bitch named Uther), so you have that very, uh, interesting subplot in s1 that everybody forgets about until you rewatch it. (honestly, I have so many questions. number 1: why???? number 2: it’s only in s1—was it scrapped??? is it like it never existed???? what was its purpose to the plot??? bbc explain yourself—)
however, despite how much it is shown that they do care for one another, they’re relationship in s1 is still undefined and vague as if they also don’t know how to accurately define what the other means to them. it’s very similar to the whole “i really love this person so much but is what i’m feeling platonic, familial, or romantic?” because….you know, guy and girl besties who are close are typically expected to grow romantic feelings for each other, so tbh i would not be surprised if both mistook their love as romantically inclined in the beginning bc, reminder, neither of them were aware they were siblings until much later.
[and this is ALL i am saying on this subplot. i do not want to cause any negative discourse, so if anyone has a few choice words about it, either keep it to yourself or feel free to talk about it with people you know. personally? not a fan of the ship and never will be, but i am not here to post about that.]
anyway, have some featured receipts showing Arthur and Morgana slipping up and showing how much they care for each other.
SEE!!!! LOOK AT HOW THE CARE!!!! SEE HOW THEY WORRY FOR THE OTHER AND WISH TO PROTECT THEM FROM HARM!!! (and see how even when they’re on opposite sides there is still that same love. just more warped and corrupted T^T)
^worried/protective Morgana
^Arthur’s face after Merlin informs him that there’s an intruder heading to Morgana’s chambers
Morgana is very aware of Arthur’s trusting nature. Arthur is very aware of Morgana’s empathy and righteous nature. they understand each other so well which is why Morgana knew just how to harm Arthur in later seasons and why Morgana’s betrayal hit Arthur so hard. it’s also why he never stopped trying to reach out to her in s4 & s5. as @merlinemrys said in this lovely post, the show’s driving force is love. love of all kinds. whatever conflict it is, love is there at the center of it all and, in Arthur and Morgana’s case, it does not save them (just like how love does not save Merlin or Arthur from what lies ahead, as the op of the post pointed out).
that is what makes their relationship/love be like a double edged sword!! that is why they are edges of the same blade!!! they protect and fight for what they believe in and for the people they love, but the same blades cut deep and twist their wounds into a lasting scar.
it is because of Arthur’s love for Morgana that he cannot help but hope and mourn the woman he once knew. it is because of Morgana’s love for Arthur that her feelings of hatred are so strong and ugly.
like honestly,
look at them T^T compared to before
their relationship is so tragic T^T because we knew them before it all went wrong. we knew they cared and understood each other. we knew that for some time, they only had each other to rely on for a friend, a crutch, a breather for when the royal life was too much. both of them were fighters and strive to honor their values. both of them had once leaned on the other for support, had wanted nothing but happiness for each other.
fuck, they didn’t even get the chance to really be siblings because they found out too late, and by then Morgana was on a war path and Arthur only found out at the last minute.
like fuck, man
two sides of the same blade: forged with love, yet used for blood
screencaps brought to you by me, @sourdough-morbread, and farfarawaysite
#i will spare you the gorey details of me trying to fine decent screencaps & screenshots for this fucking post or else i’ll get pissed again#(i am considering whether it is worth it to go to war with youtube)#special thanks to my bestie mor for being there for me at the gorey times and helping me find more screenshots#fucking love you bestie 💕💕💕💕#also only including s1-2 bc i am tired and they are the ones where we get pendragon siblings not trying to kill each other#forgive me for always bringing up uther and the pendragon sibs’ upbringing with him it will happen again#also after hours of rereading transcripts and rewatching clips of bbc merlin: it is so obvious that uther cared and treated Morgana like hi#own child more than Arthur. like jfc he let’s her get away with so much stuff he is way for gentle with his words towards her#when he realizes that he was too cruel or rude like bro…..where tf was that for arthur#it just adds to the complicated sibling dynamic because there is the added jealousy and resentment of knowing a parent loved another more#literally most of Morgana’s time with Uther was her at odds with him and yet he views her as his child more#well no ducking dur that Arthur ‘i-would-do-anything-to-receive-my-father’s-love-attention-and-pride’ Pendragon resents Morgana for#always being the one Uther goes easier on and finds ways to turn a blind eye for like wtf#also during my research i was reminded of how done dirty Gwen’s story was by bbc#loses her father to a king fearful of magic barely gets to mourn him bc she now has to keep up the smithy and her maid job; reunites#with her brother who’s been AWOL for some years and still they don’t get a moment to talk about their dad and mourn TOGETHER#her storyline is pushed aside by s4 bc now she’s fulfilling the role of Arthur’s love interest and oh yeah they still need to incorporate#the lanceot/guinevere scandal and then banish her for some episodes without even letting her brother be mad about it like ?????#anyway#continued saga of fluffy rereading transcripts -> uther: ‘it’s been a long time since Ygraine…since anyone’ me: ducking liar >:(#[sir leon begins the slow clap] king you dropped this 👑IT IS 1AM HELP 😂#place your bets on where my laziness for evidence came in! (I honestly don’t know lol scavenging evidence is all a blur)#spent 2 days on this post lol#me: ok i think that’s enough evidence for this argument…………ok maybe ONE more won’t hur—#me after day 2: ….am i done???? am i free????#pendragon siblings coming behind me with a steel chair: nah mate!#me: FUCK THERE’S MORE#bbc merlin#merlin meta#pendragon sibs
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( waking up one morning after 18 months of hiatus and finally getting the spark™ to freshen up ur rp blog )
#( war is oveeeer )#( time passes but my love for rp is like a little gremlin that randomly shows up and beats me with its lil bat )#( I'm still stuggling with art block for my other creative outlets for months now but I want to warm up my writing fingers )#FOR ALL ( ooc. )#FOR ALL ( tbd. )#( pretty sure I've been going through the worst burn out of my life and im just now seeing the end of the tunnel )#( had to face and address basically everything in my life ever so my brain just decided to go into low battery mode for awhile )#( it's odd cause not much about my life is significantly different from when I left -unfortunately-#but I have also developed and changed so much as a person. ppl around me say that and it's so reassuring to hear <3 )#( also lmao apparently I was pretty Vitamin D deficient esp in Canadian winters and APPARENTLY have a genetic calcium deficiency so UHHHHH#I love being medically neglected and gaslit into believing I just had anxiety and depression with no physical contributors <33#that's being taken care of now tho. but yeah ugh that was something to process too.)#That aside I've been doing well!! I'm in such a different place now it's kind of wild. Always a work in progress but im happy <3#Have some goals I'd like to meet for the end of the year so I'm hoping to close out these two years on a good note!
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I love all the little details in In Stars and Time so much
(Just as a note, I am currently in (the beginning? of) act 3)
The way that after a few loops the excited "It's my allies!" turns into a less enthusiastic "It's my allies." (And I think it used to be "it's my friends!" but I'm not entirely sure)
The first time Siffrin knocks into the counter and gets embarrassed, and then another (the next?) time it's frustrated, and then playful, and then frustrated again but this time refusing to show it.
The little remarks that become "..." in later loops
I'm pretty sure the descriptions of the deaths got a little more graphic? I think when he slipped on the banana peel it said that he tripped or that he fell. In a later loop it said something about cracking their head open on a rock or something.
Their wish for victory became a wish for rest
It's just so interesting to me. For some reason, this game almost makes me feel like I'm reading a book. But also not really? I think it's because of how the details are laid out. My favorite stories to read have almost always been the ones that I can pick apart, and this game is very much like that.
#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#maybe? they're pretty small spoilers compared to the one I ran into#just in case#I love this game soooooooo much#I see siffrin and get immediate cute aggression#amd they're so sad :(#I want his friends to notice that something is off#I've seen little moments of it but nothing big yet#and there are some odd things going on that intrigue me#bonnie said the weird sadness (which looks a little like loop) smells like burnt sugar#the king mentioned something about siffrins smell#does he smell like burnt sugar too?#the weird sadnesses are connected to time in some way since defeating them lets you get rid of time stopping tears#also I'm pretty sure king is the croissant dude#and that he and siffrin are from the island everyone forgot#maybe it's that place on the globe that's been worn down?#the fact that siffrins carvings only come out well when they chant things like “please be good please be good please be good” is interestin#and their wishes for being faster/stronger/whatever the other one was called always comes true#despite mirabelle saying that the change god rarely blesses anyone#oh! there was that weird double siffrin down the hall that disappeared when I got closer#and at one point siffrin became so stressed that time rewound without him dying or being frozen#and it always hurts his stomach when he loops back#I'm just waiting for the group to get suspicous/concerned#and for siffrin to have another breakdown#this gaaaaaaaaame#I love it so much
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how many times do we need to learn as people that irony and hyperbole can be harmful because 'jokes' aren't easily distinguished from genuine thoughts and feelings until we stop rewarding people for speaking or posting about violence
like even if you're joking/don't actually believe that/think whoever you are insulting is bad/immoral/fictional therefore deserves it - ad hominem attacks always do more harm to the people who share those characteristic then the individual you intend to cause harm to or discredit
#discourse#long post#its genuinely erased so much of my enjoyment of 911blr knowing i have to check accounts or risk seeing bullying/hate#l like its an odd feeling to know that so many people in the same fandom as you actively hold hate or find hate funny against your communit#like tired of people saying others are too sensitive because we dont want to hear or see a person say they want to hurt themself or others#like sorry i put in the work everyday to not let my mental health backslide and to enjoying being alive and accept my queerness#while others seemingly have not#and i know the content i post/share is not all in the same circles as that certain blog and i hate that it still grinds my gears but#its so frustrating to see the cruel glee people have#saying things they would never say to anyone's face irl and only to other blindly devoted/similar bullies#like do these people realise that they are on a razor's edge between 'ironic jokes' and just outright bigotry and threats - like do they#literally the only thing seperating That and conservative bigots is that the bigots are honest about their hatred towards minorities#like a lot of people in the fandom seemingly still need to deal with a lot of intenalised homophobia/racism and just outright hate-#especially regarding queer men and men of colour#because i can not be emphasise enough#It is NOT GOOD OR HEALTHY to be a fully grown adult that actively derives joy from the idea of enacting hate crimes#like you can hate tommy you can want him off the show even want him to die like weird but go off#but its such a next step to unprompted talk about [a character i dislike/hate/dont ship/disrupts my fanon endgame] in derogatory ways -#with rhetoric that straight up is out of terf/rel. right/homophobic/racists bigots and evokes violent hate-crimes......#well i feel sorry for those people cause what a miserable life to spend so much of it unable to enjoy your own life that you target others#anyways I know this is too long but I'm just a very tired man who has studied history and education and working with kids i have seen it -#too many times- harmful words coming from harmful environments or creating harmful actions and thereby perpetuating the cycle of violence#also not super relavent but as Latino Australian i am genuinely appauled at how many people have in their bio they are also Australian-#while actively liking/reblogging and engaging with post that find homophobic violence a funny haha joke - as if activist in our country -#aren't actively trying to dismantle homophobic and transphobic laws regarding issues like conversion therapy#like I know professors that actively got fired for being gay while teaching in religious education context - and its still happening!#so for people to forget so quickly what progress has been made and how much it took and how easy it is to loose - disappointing#(and its the same people who wanna pretend mardi gras is nothing but a party as if 78rs didn't risk their jobs/safety/lives)
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