#weird to not give an option where this situation isn’t hypothetical

[princehairsupremacy]

im looking for requests so use these if you want to

yes these are mostly smut, I enjoy writing smut the most

(If you wanna use my prompts thats fine but reblog so you're not taking credit please)

Send a request

1. "Isn't that a tad extreme?"

2. "I'd like it better off you."

3. "Woah, I didn't realise you meant that."

4. "Are you sure? ‘Cause I am completely sure."

5. "Sure you don't need help still?"

6. "I told you this would happen."

7. "Just pretend for me, please."

8. "Did you fake it?"

9. "I'd prefer you show me."

10. "Show me yours and I'll show you mine?"

11. "All I need is a hug."

12. "I'm not in the mood."

13. "I don't think friends do this."

14. "This is weird."

15. "But i don't have anything to wear."

16. "Do you ever shut up?!"

17. "I think you need to be taught a lesson."

18. "I don't know why you're mad at me."

19. "I didn't do that!"

20. "On your knees."

21. "Why're you so shy?"

22. "Don't flatter yourself."

23. "I just need some time to think."

24. "So, what did you wish for."

25. "Are you naked?!"

26. "I think we should try it once."

27. "Nice to meet you. Wanna go to my place?"

28. "Do you want me to stop?"

29. "Do you ever listen."

30. "You should think before you speak."

31. "Just...back up."

32. "I'm not ready."

33. "Who told you that?"

34. "I would never do that to you."

35. "How can make it up to you?"

36. "Just sit on it. No ones gonna get hurt."

37. "I don't think it'll fit."

38. "Where were you?"

39. "I can't do it!"

40. "Okay, ow, stop!"

41. "That's way too big."

42. "You know I didnt mean it like that."

43. "I think I love you."

44. "I've never done it before."

45. "We can't tell my family."

46. "You know I'm the better option."

47. "Excuse me, do you sell the 9" here?"

48. "You're never gonna be alone as long as I'm here."

49. "May I have this dance."

50. "Didn't invite me?"

51. "Where are we going?"

52. "Is this seat taken."

53. "We're never doing that."

54. "Don't laugh at me, I'm serious."

55. "I need you so bad."

56. "It's so wet."

57. "Daddy's busy."

58. "Do I know you?"

59. "You're mine."

60. "I would like nothing more, but I can't."

61. "You know they would never let us."

62. "The fuck are you wearing."

63. "Arch your back."

64. "Why does she suck like that?"

65. "Want some help with that?"

66. "I'm literally on my knees and you're asking that?"

67. "Just let me back in."

68. "Don't leave me."

69. "My face could be a good seat. Ow!"

70. "I don't even know them!"

71. "What does that even mean?"

72. "Don't act smart with me."

73. "What did you just say?"

74. "Shit. It's really tight."

75. "What do you expect me to do."

76. "It never looks like that."

77. "Why would you say that?"

78. "You really hurt me."

79. "You must be joking."

80. "Why would I ever do that?!"

81. "Im scared."

82. "This may hurt. But don't worry."

83. "What if its bad? What if im bad?"

84. "How are you so arrogant?"

85. "I've had better."

86. "You want me to be honest."

87. "I don't think I can do that."

88. "I want you to finish first."

89. "Are you sure it feels good?"

90. "Do you have to be so rude?"

91. "Its funny, you think you're in control."

92. "I wish it were different."

93. "I'm not stalking you!"

94. "Buy anything you like, it's what I'm here for."

95. "I said, you're a dick!"

96. "Take off my clothes?"

97. "That wasn't funny."

98. "Why do you act like this?"

99. "I never said I hated you."

100. "You want a mouthful? I'll give you a mouthful."

101. "Were you looking at my hands the whole time I was talking?"

102. "Answer the phone, don't worry, I'm not stopping."

103. "You think you don't deserve to be punished for that?"

104. "You're a brat."

105. "Baby, untie me right now or you'll regret it."

106. "Fuck me? No! Fuck you!"

107. "This is your fucking fault."

108. "Go to bed, I'll be there soon."

109. "You want a baby? seriously?"

110. "Hypothetically if I were to say that I was in love with you, what would you do?"

111. "We're in public, we shouldn't...but if you really wanna-"

112. "Just want your legs wrapped around my head."

113. "You always play so hard to get."

114. "Oh come on, i wasn't that drunk."

115. "So...wanna kiss?"

116. "I thought I'd be alone forever."

117. "You play guitar?"

118. "It's early, baby."

119. "Are you alright?"

120. "You're from here?"

121. "I doubt you remember you saying it since you were drunk."

122. "You have to choose between us."

123. "Please come home. It's not the same without you."

124. "Stay the night. Please?"

125. "I might have had a few shots."

126. "I really wanna kiss you right now."

127. "Make me."

128. "Don't tempt me."

129. "I saw that. You just checked me out."

130. "Boobs are like squishy pillows and yours are comfortable."

131. "When we're done, we should have like...angry sex or something. Maybe? Please?"

132. "Let me show you why we should not get out of bed."

133. "You look tense. May I help you relax?"

134. "Don't move or you're not coming tonight."

135. "You'd look good with my hand around your neck."

136. "You're taking it so good."

137. "You think you deserve a reward?"

138. "You remember your safe word? Cause I'm not going easy on you."

139. "Say my name."

140. "I told you to stay still."

141. "Harder."

142. "Touch yourself for me."

143. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard you'll beg me to stop."

144. "I want it to hurt."

145. "Your mouth feels so good."

146. “Get on my thigh.”

147. “You wanna sneak off to the bathroom?”

148. “They won’t hear us if you just keep quiet.”

149. “If you want to do it, we can try it.”

150. “Is it alright if I sleep in your bed tonight?”

151. “Be a good girl for me.”

152. “Beg.”

153. “You’re just a whore for me, aren’t you baby?”

154. “Make it hurt.”

155. “Don’t hold back.”

156. “Take it.”

157. “I just want to fuck you so bad.”

158. “I’m going to watch and you can beg me to touch you, but I won’t.”

159. “I’m going to make this so much worse for you if you don’t fucking stop.”

160. “Make me.”

161. “Just one night.”

162. “I can tell how bad you want punished and I’m not going to give it to you.”

You can also request things like AU’s or just situations, go into details about the request if you want. no request is too long or too short :)

here’s some examples

soulmates

neighbours

roommates

college

angel/demon type thing

supernatural

zombie apocalypse maybe?

babysitter

CEO

there are so many and you can include any in your requests if you choose to!

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 69 Poll Results (for Manga Readers)

The poll closed with 200 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Manga Readers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll, click here.

--

RATE THE EPISODE 193 responses

The anime continues on with it’s hot streak, with episode 69 receiving only 1 vote in the negative direction. The vast majority were very pleased with this episode. 

this time the pacing felt quite weird, specially with how they managed the flashbacks. sorry mappa, but for the first time i feel like this was a 7/10 episode

nice i guess.

Beautifully done

It was great especially the confession part hahah

I love MAPPA's takes on the series so far!

Overall, very good episode. MAPPA is doing a great job. 

i liked it!

A little iffy but still solid.

WHICH MOMENT FROM THE PRESENT TIME WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 194 responses

There were many significant moments in this episode, so we opted to divvy up the options. For favorite moments during the present time, Eren’s harsh tone with Hange garnered the highest amount of votes at 34.5%. Not far behind, 26.3% most enjoyed watching the 104th talk about Eren and what happened in Marley. Behind those two scenes were Hange asking Eren why he was talking to himself in the mirror (12.4%), and getting the small zevi crumbs at the end of the episode (8.2%).

WHICH MOMENT FROM THE KIYOMI FLASHBACK WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 192 responses

For the flashback where the Survey Corps meets Kiyomi, nearly half of the fandom (43.2%) were ecstatic to finally see the scene between Historia and Mikasa animated. 24% most enjoyed Eren’s rejection of Zeke’s plan in Historia’s defense. 14.6% were immersed in Hange’s dismay at considering making Historia continue the cycle of children eating their parents, and 12.5% were thrilled to finally see Mikasa reveal her tattoo to Kiyomi. 

Tfw you think MAPPA cut Kiyomi’s drooling scene due to tv lag and later you find out the scene was changed to something equivalent: O__O 

5head pixis made me laugh

WHICH MOMENT FROM THE RAILROAD FLASHBACK WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 193 responses

Eren’s confession at the end of the railroad flashback took the most attention from fans, with 41.5% enjoying that portion the most. 20.2% enjoyed the 104th all discussing who is most suited to inherit Eren’s titan. 19.2% got a kick out of seeing smol Armin chasing around smol Sasha, and 13% were happy to see Levi (and his annoyance that everyone is taller than him). 

Armin's :o face was just adorable! Had forgotten it from the manga

MIKASA REVEALS THE AZUMABITO CLAN SYMBOL AS A TATTOO ON THE TOP OF HER WRIST. THIS IS A RETCON FROM SEASON 1 WHEN WIT REPLACED THE BRANDING WITH EMBROIDERY INSTEAD. THOUGH THE TATTOO IS WHAT’S FAITHFUL TO THE MANGA (MIKASA’S MANGA COUNTERPART HAS ALWAYS HAD THIS), WAS THIS A GOOD DECISION ON MAPPA’S PART? 192 responses

When it comes to the tattoo retcon, opinions seem to be relatively mixed. 22.9% of respondents felt that the retcon was a good move, because they feel that faithfulness to the source material is the most important thing in an adaptation. 21.9% felt it was a mixed situation, because they appreciate faithfulness to the manga, but also prefer for things to have proper continuity. 20.8% agreed that it was a good move, but mainly because the embroidery was “lame and forgettable” anyway. At smaller percentages, 16.1% felt that it wasn’t really a big deal either way since the family symbol was acknowledged regardless, and 9.4% didn’t care at all.

Mix of 3 and last point

Yes because faithfulness to the source material is important and I don't think the existence of the embroidery means that the branding didn't also exist.

No: continuity issues in the anime, but Yes: the embroidery thing was stupid.

1) we never saw the embroidery being kept by mikasa 2) kiyomi could have thought they just found it and stole it from the shogun's descendants' tombs or something. we as manga readers know mikasa is truly a descendant of the shogun, but anime onlies would have thought it could be possible for kiyomi not to trust them. so a tattoo is the best choice

Yes, MAPPA made a good decision. The anime onlies probably don't even remember the embroidery thing anyway. 

Bruh, if I hadn't read the manga, I would've forgotten the Mikasa mom scene.

Options one and two.

HYPOTHETICALLY, IF ONE OF THE 104TH WERE TO INHERIT EREN’S TITAN POWER, WHO DO YOU THINK WOULD BE THE BEST OPTION? 191 responses

The notable majority of respondents feel that Jean would have been the best candidate to inherit Eren’s titan. At a distant second, people would opt for Armin to inherit Eren’s titans (perhaps because he is already a titan anyway). The rest of the characters were relatively evenly chosen.

WHICH “SHIPPY” MOMENT FROM THE EPISODE WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 193 responses

This piechart turned out to be very colorful. Nearly a quarter of respondents couldn’t choose just one moment, so they voted for “all of them.” Behind that, 14.5% most enjoyed the scene where Eren showed determination to ensure Historia wouldn’t have to be sacrificed, 13.5% swooned over Eren and Mikasa’s blushy glances at each other, and 11.9% most enjoyed Connie and Sasha’s increasingly awkward conversation about who’s the bigger idiot. 

I loved the Erehisu moments 

sasha and connie <3<3<3

Erehisu canon

MAPPA DIDN’T INCLUDE THE PART OF THE CONVERSATION BETWEEN ZEKE AND KIYOMI WHERE ZEKE EXPLAINS HIS PARENTAGE, WHY HE SOLD THEM OUT, AND CLAIMS THAT HE’S THE “TRUE ELDIAN RESTORATIONIST.” THOUGHTS? 192 responses

The conversation between Zeke and Kiyomi got shaved down quite a bit, losing the claim of Zeke being “the true Eldian restorationist.” 30.7% aren’t sweating about it and feel it’s something that will be included in a later episode. 27.6% feel that it’s removal isn’t a big deal. 18.7%, on the other hand, feel that losing that moment watered down Zeke’s characterization and would have preferred its inclusion. 8.9% don’t care. 

I feel it will be brought up next episode

I think leaving it out makes the moment with ksaver telling him to sacrifice his parents more impactful to the anime onlies.  

they may have prepared an anime original scene where this is explained, probably at some point. this chapter was loaded with tons of info

I think everything zeke is going to be saved for his big flashback after losing to levi

Maybe they'll include it at the part where Zeke has his flashbacks when he was injured by Levi.

MAPPA ALSO LEFT OUT THE PART OF THE 104TH’S CONVERSATION WHERE ARMIN THEORIZES THAT EREN WOULD BE IN CONTROL OF THE COORDINATE ONCE HE AND ZEKE MAKE CONTACT. THOUGHTS ABOUT THAT? 185 responses

Another dialogue that was axed this episode was Armin brainstorming about who would be in control of the Founding Titan if Eren and Zeke make contact with each other. 35.7% (a small jump from the previous question) feel that this, again, will be included in a later episode. 28.1% feel that its inclusion wasn’t wholly necessary. 18.4% feel that this fact was already obvious anyway, so it doesn’t matter. 10.4% feel that the anime will get to that point so quickly that the exposition isn’t necessary to begin with. 

Armin's motives don't necessarily change either way so I'm fine with the cut. I do hope it's mentioned later on though.

Every episode is only 25 minutes long, so some parts of dialogues need to be removed. 

I honestly think they're going to retcon this so zeke's reverse uno in chap 120 doesn't seem so wild

I do understand that they need to make cuts (and there's still to many manga chapters to fit in the rest of the season) but that one was really important bc they might not explain it fully later on

If they animate Zeke's backstory, it will be there. It would've been nice to show Armin still using his brain though.

DO YOU THINK EREN SEEMED MORE INTIMIDATING IN THE MANGA OR THE ANIME? 191 responses

Manbun Eren was introduced as being intimidating, cold, and generally mean. His outburst at Hange was the first of many examples of this behavior as he lashed out at them for having no good ideas. 65.4% of respondents felt that MAPPA did a much better job at portraying Eren as a much more intimidating figure than Isayama did.

IN RETROSPECT, DO YOU FEEL THAT EREN WAS TOO HARSH ON HANGE? 190 responses

Almost a total opposite from the previous pie graph, 66.3% of respondents felt that Eren was much too harsh on Hange, given the circumstances and their dwindling options.

DO YOU THINK THAT, EVEN AFTER READING CHAPTER 123, PARADIS COULD HAVE FOUND ANOTHER WAY TO RESOLVE THEIR ISSUES THAN THE PATH THAT EREN TOOK? 191 responses

One of the constant questions in the manga since the timeskip is “could there been another way?” 59.7% think it’s just a solid maybe, and that there’s no longer any way to know that now that Eren has stripped Paradis of all their options. 23.6% feel that the rumbling was the inevitable outcome against a world that would never give them a chance. 14.1% feel the opposite, however, and believe there was always another way, and that Eren didn’t give them enough time to figure it out. 

I wonder what would happen if eren talked about his future memories 

There is always another way than violence. The problem is that no one on Paradis was able to find it.

Maybe we will find out in the last 2 chapters, this might be correlated to a possible "the mist" ending that Isayama originally planned

Who even knows? All I know is that there was too much distrust, secrecy and mystery for anyone to get anything done before shit hit the fan and now here we are. I also think it was a huge mistake to keep Eren so isolated.

There's no good way and never only on path but eren choose one who solve the problem

WE’RE GONNA ASK THIS… WHO IS THE FATHER? 196 responses

The never ending debate of who the father of Historia’s child hasn’t slowed down since the introduction of her pregnancy, though the question has ultimately boiled down to whether the child is Eren’s or not. Only 33.2% of respondents seem to think so. 28.1% presumably feel that it’s not Eren, but are overall tired of this debate in general. 21.4% are firm in their stance that it’s the farmer. 13.8% just wish it had anything to do with Ymir and nothing to do with the other options. 

I’m tired of this whole damn debate... but it's the farmer

LEVI SEEMED MORE VISIBLY IRRITATED ABOUT HOW TALL THE 104TH HAVE GOTTEN IN THE ANIME. THOUGHTS? 192 responses

MAPPA animated this scene with their own take and made Levi more irritable in the anime adaptation than he appeared to be in the manga. Generally, half of respondents felt that both ways were effective and funny. 25.5% seem to enjoy MAPPA’s rendition of it more, while 18.2% prefer the original manga portrayal of Levi’s grievances.

THE TRAIN SCENE WHERE EREN CONFESSES TO HIS FRIENDS IS TREASURED BY MUCH OF THE FANDOM. DID MAPPA DO IT JUSTICE? 193 responses

For fans of the 104th in particular, this scene has felt like it’s taken 84 years to finally be animated. And very few were disappointed, with 56.5% stating that the scene was cute and they are content with it, and another 36.8% showing a little more enthusiasm, feeling that it was more beautifully done than they ever could have imagined. A handful felt it could have been better, but was still good, or just didn’t care. No one agreed that the scene was ruined.

DARK!CONNIE RETURNS! WHO DID HIM BETTER? 190 responses

Another highly anticipated moment… the return of Dark!Connie! MAPPA didn’t quite hit the mark on this one, with Connie’s aura in the manga still being much more preferable to manga readers than the way MAPPA portrayed him in the anime.

WHEN CHAPTER 108 WAS PUBLISHED, READERS WERE ASKED IF EREN STILL PRIORITIZED HIS FRIENDS. AT THAT TIME, THE MAJORITY BELIEVED THAT HE DID, ALTHOUGH THE LARGER HALF OF THAT MAJORITY FELT IT WAS TO A LESSER DEGREE THAN BEFORE THE TIMESKIP. WE’D LIKE TO ASK AGAIN, DO YOU THINK THAT EREN ULTIMATELY TOOK THIS PATH OF DESTRUCTION BECAUSE HE PRIORITIZES HIS FRIENDS? 190 responses

Overall, the majority of the fanbase believe that Eren’s actions are generally in the interest of his friends and their lifespan, though to varying degrees (38.4% feel he prioritizes them wholly above all else, while 34.7% feel that he prioritizes them, but to a lesser degree than he used to). 21.1% still think that Eren’s contradictory actions make it hard to come to a solid conclusion on this front. A handful feel that Eren has abandoned them completely and only cares about himself and his own freedom at this point. 

I want to believe that hes prioritizing his friends, but too many of his actions contradict that, like forcing them into the battle in liberio and sending titans after the alliance 

Eren wasn't able to save his mother and this fact still torments him. I think that his friends matter to him a lot, but there is something darker in him what causes all the mess he is doing. 

He’s selfish and doing whatever he wants.

DO YOU THINK IT’S POSSIBLE THAT EREN PUSHED HIS FRIENDS TO THE FRONT LINES BECAUSE HE ALREADY SAW IN HIS FUTURE MEMORIES THAT THEY WOULD STOP HIM, THUS KNOWING THEY WOULD NOT DIE? 188 responses

When chapter 108 was published, we hadn’t yet learned that Eren saw memories of the future and so we couldn’t speculate on such a thing. Now that we can, we thought we would ask. 42.6% believe that regardless of whether Eren saw his friends in those memories or not, Mikasa is correct in her belief that Eren simply trusted them to survive. 33% feel that he already knew that they would survive, which is the only reason why he dragged them to Liberio in the first place. 18.6% don’t want to say either way, and a small percentage believe Eren had no way of knowing about the fate of his friends. 

He said "I HOPE they will have happy long lives". It means he didn't see much.

WILL WE SEE THE WARRIORS + MAGATH AND COLT NEXT EPISODE? 187 responses

With things shuffled around, we still have yet to see the Warriors recuperating and planning their next move. Half of the fandom feel that MAPPA was waiting to put the focus back on Gabi and Falco before giving us this moment. 32.1% aren’t sure if we will get it in episode 70 or not. 14.4% think it’s something that will come later, and a tiny fraction think it will be cut entirely.

Need my warriors back

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 193 responses

The largest percentage (48.2%) went to the scene with Hange confronting Floch and the Yeagerists, though it is edged out by both of Gabi and Falco’s preview scenes combined (42% for the visit to the Blouse’s, and 9.8% for their scuffle at the river). 

Can't care less about to gabi and falco, it's the final season cut the filler please.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

I miss Sasha

No thoughts, anxiety only. 

Hope to see the cut scenes in the next episode

Maybe I'm the only one, but I'm not so hyped for this season anymore. Sure, I'll still watch all the episodes no matter what, and I don't think Mappa is doing a bad job. But it's just a good adaptation. For the anime-onlys, I'm sure it's great because they're discovering the story we already know, but for me, this season doesn't add much to the manga. I probably had too high expectations for this season... (I'm also watching/reading Jujustsu Kaisen from Mappa and I don't have that feeling at all, so I'm pretty conflicted)

The episode was fine but I had a feeling that it was going a little too fast. However, I'm not complaining because I overally liked it. I could finally see adult Historia. She looks different than her manga counterpart. In the manga she was more mysterious and mature, while in the anime she still has cute baby face. I think that the moment between her and Mikasa was sweet. I feel kinda tired of the whole "who is the father" theories. I think that people waste their energy on fights and debates. If I wasn't part of the fandom, I wouldn't even think of Eren having a child with Historia. They never had romantic relationship and their last conversation was far away from being loving. Eren is an amotional mess. He has never mentioned the child in his POV, he says that his friends and Paradis are the most important, so I will be surprised if all of sudden he turns to be a father.

The lightning around eren when angry at hange was amazing addition (I think it's new) and historias situation feels more real in the anime. (ps: hail ponytail mikasa is bea)

Did a great job imo, but I don't think it's possible to make it anywhere near 122 at this point

Scenes were great as usual. The pacing was a little bit jarring though. I don't know how anime-onlys will take it since we do have different perspectives given our forehand knowledge of the events.

Where's shirtless Reiner??

Good episode, can’t wait for Gabi and Falco’s realization next episode 

I wish everything from the manga could fit into the episode or that the episodes were longer.

There's really no where else I could've put this so I'll just put it here......lol. I feel like it's not as obvious in the anime how much longer Jean's hair has gotten sometimes (specifically during the railroad scene here) and I wish that wasn't the case.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 180 responses

Thank you to everyone who participated! 

[tlbodine]

Thanksgiving is Gonna Be Weird: A Survival Guide for 2020

It’s 2020, the pandemic is worse than ever, and the holidays are right around the corner. No matter what, this is going to be a weird Thanksgiving for a lot of people. With travel restrictions in place and most of us having a mighty desire not to murder our friends and family by spreading around a disease, there’s a good chance that you’re going to be celebrating a bit differently this year. 

And, hey, maybe you decide not to celebrate at all. Which is perfectly valid! 

But maybe you’re staring down the possibility of your first Thanksgiving on your own, or feeding just the small group you live for rather than a big crowd, or some other unusual circumstance. And if that’s the case, I wanted to compile together some resources/ideas to help you out. I know this isn’t my usual horror fare, but...well, I hope it’s helpful, regardless. 

“Help, I’ve Never Made Thanksgiving Dinner Before” Starter Kit

Maybe you’ve always gone home for the holidays but are currently stuck in an apartment with a few roommates, and none of you have any intensive cooking skills. Maybe you always take the kids to Grandma’s house and have never had to contribute more than a side dish but now really want to do a proper Thanksgiving feast for your partner(s), kid(s) and whoever else lives in your house. 

Never fear! A Thanksgiving feast doesn’t have to be intimidating! In fact, Thanksgiving foods are usually pretty simple; the most challenging part of the whole feast is the project management aspect of working with a lot of different dishes and getting everything ready at once. But the smaller your crowd to feed, the easier that is! 

So, the first thing you’ll want to do is come up with a menu. Sit down and write a list of all the foods you normally eat and enjoy on Thanksgiving. If something is served at your family meal that you’ve never cared for, guess what? You can boot that bad boy right off the list! 

By and large, the standard Thanksgiving feast consists of: 

Roast turkey 

Mashed potatoes

Gravy

Some kind of dinner roll

Cranberry sauce

Some number of vegetable side dishes (often a green been casserole and a sweet potato casserole) 

Some kind of dessert (often/traditionally a pumpkin pie) 

I’ve linked above some easy & favorite techniques/recipes for all of these foods, but of course you can buy time-saving convenience items to get you rolling -- from potato flakes to gravy mix to premade pie. I won’t tell if you don’t. 

If there’s something you’re used to eating every year that you don’t know how to make....call whoever usually makes it! If at all possible, obviously, I’m not recommending you do a seance to talk to your dead great-aunt and get her rolls recipe. Just, like...phone up your friend/family member, get the recipe, and use it as an opportunity to connect. Odds are both of you are missing the human interaction. 

“Hey, That’s Nice, But I Live in a Dorm Room”  Edition 

Okay, okay, I get it. You’re away at college and can’t get home to see your family safely and you’re living in some kind of weird socially isolated dorm situation where you have limited access to cooking implements. Or, shit, idk, maybe you’re couch-surfing or living in a motel or otherwise not in possession of a full kitchen. 

I got you, fam. 

Do you have at your disposal a microwave? Rice cooker? Even an electric kettle will work! 

If you have some way to boil water, you can make instant mashed potatoes, gravy, and stove-top stuffing. If you have a microwave, you can steam some vegetables and bake a sweet potato. For dessert, core an apple, stuff the cavity with brown sugar + cinnamon + butter and nuke in the microwave for 4 minutes. 

It’s hypothetically possible to microwave a turkey, but I wouldn’t recommend it. Instead, I’d opt to buy a deli roast chicken (about $5 at most grocery stores), or even just some turkey deli meat. Alternatively, ham usually just needs to be warmed rather than cooked, and you can buy a big ol’ ham steak at the store for a couple of bucks. 

“I’m Dead Broke Because COVID, Send Help” 

You know the great thing about Thanksgiving food? It’s cheap. No, really! It can be, anyway, especially since a lot of foods go on sale. 

In my area anyway, the local Wal-Mart and Smith’s Grocery have: 

A can of green beans for about 79 cents

A bag of instant mashed potatoes for about $1 

A big can of yams for about $1, or fresh yams for 50 cents/lb (usually a couple sweet potatoes = 1lb) 

Canned corn or peas + corn for 50 cents, or steam-in-bag veggies of your choice for $1 

Stovetop stuffing for $1 or sometimes even 50 cents per box 

Margarine for 79 cents to $1 

Gravy mix packets for 50 cents each

A can of cranberry sauce for $1 or less

Most of these are also available at Dollar Tree! 

A lot of food banks will also be giving out turkeys this time of year, and some grocery stores will give you a free turkey if you spend $50 or $100 on groceries or whatever. Do you have an older relative who needs groceries? Ask if you can go buy their food and deliver it to their door (contactless!) and keep the free turkey.

You can pretty easily feed a group of 4-6 for $20 or so, especially if you’re willing to be flexible on your protein. And what are you doing feeding more than 6 people in the middle of a pandemic, huh? 

“I’m Used to Hosting a Big Dinner But There’s Only Like Three Of Us Living In This House WTF How Do I Scale This Shit Down” 

Maybe you are a Thanksgiving veteran. Maybe you’re accustomed to hosting for a big crowd and cooking a small meal just seems dumb and pointless. I feel you. This is my life right now! But don’t despair! 

The way I see it, you’ve got a couple-three options: 

Option One: 

Cook your turkey + a different side each day, and eat your Thanksgiving feast spread out over a week or so. It’ll keep your leftovers from dominating your fridge, let you eat something fresh, and allow you to enjoy all your favorite recipes. Downside is you’ll have to cook every day, so you tell me if you’re too busy to do that. 

Option Two: 

Cook everything that you normally would, but portion off half of it or whatever to stuff into your freezer, or go deliver it to somebody else’s door. The odds are pretty good that you’ve got a friend or family member who is freaking out about the holiday, and if you can’t see them in person, you can at least drop food off on their porch and then honk aggressively/cheerfully from the safety of your car! 

Option Three: 

Make something different this year. If you’re a foodie, take this as an opportunity to challenge yourself to create something high-maintenance and weird that you wouldn’t normally make. This is a good choice if you’re off work and stuck in your house with nothing else to do. Basically you’re subbing out quantity for quality so the meal still feels special and unique even if it’s, y’know....just you and your cat, or whoever. 

PS: Roasting a whole chicken or a cornish game hen is a fun, small-scale way to get your bird-in-the-oven experience. You can also buy a turkey breast and just cook that, which will be a lot faster than the whole bird anyway. 

"I’m An Essential Worker And I’m Working Thanksgiving And Have No Time To Do ANYTHING, What Now?” 

Dude, I get it. And whether you’re a doctor, nurse, grocery store employee, or whatever other essential service-worker, my heart goes out to you because hoo boy this year has been shit, hasn’t it? I can’t do anything about the hazard pay situation, but I CAN tell you that there are a few places offering delivery-based Thanksgiving meal options! 

You might want to search around a bit for your specific area. Cracker Barrel, Marie Callendar’s, Boston Market, and other types of branded “home-cooking” type restaurants tend to have some kind of Thanksgiving thing. Why not call your local restaurant fav to see if they’re doing something similar? Most restaurants are desperate for a way to stay afloat right now, so a ton of places that don’t traditionally deliver are offering curbside service now. It’s worth a try! 

So, there you have it. 

I hope some of these tips taught you something new, pointed you to a helpful resource, or gave you some ideas. More than anything, I just want everybody to be safe and happy this holiday. So, please -- get creative, wear your mask while you’re shopping, avoid the get-togethers, and be careful. You may save a life! 

[adhoption]

Game Theory

Being the kind of relaxed, easy-going guy I am, over the years of playing them I have developed a few theories over what makes a board or card game fun (because everyone loved inviting Socrates to parties).

Ability and chance

The first point is that there needs to be a balance between skill and luck. If a game is all about ability, the person who is best at that game will win it every time, and it becomes no fun for the rest. These games are then only good for pure competition, for people who each think they are the best and want to arm-wrestle it out. But like an arm-wrestle, they don’t have much repeat value. If I meet you and we wrestle, one of us will win, and then that question is settled. There is no real excitement in a rematch.

Chess is an example of this sort of game. If I want to be the best at chess, I can put the effort into training my ability, just as I could hit the weights for my arms, and eventually I could become better than more people, but that’s not really a game for casuals to enjoy. It only really works where you are competitive and evenly matched, which isn’t usually the case for a group of friends looking to have fun (after the fun of the first time). Games which just test knowledge or speed or whatever are the same. They aren’t open to everyone. There are games we play where I know I will always win, and games where I know I will never win, and neither are particularly compelling.

But I also can’t stand the opposite, where luck plays too large a part. Then you might as well just roll dice and cheer whoever gets the highest number. Games like Uno fall too far over this line for me: there is little choice to be made, little strategy, and your part could easily be played by a flow chart. You’re not playing a game, you’re just a vehicle for the cards to flow through on their pre-ordained path. You may as well all sit back and just have a dice-rolling or card-circulating machine and no players and watch it whirring on, as there is no connection between you and the points which have been arbitrarily assigned to your name.

Remaining competitive

The game also needs to remain open. This is one of the main reasons that I think Monopoly is broken as a game, other than the fact that it runs far too long: after a couple goes around the board, it’s often clear who is set up to win and who is set up to lose, because all of the good assets are assigned and it’s just a painful wait for the capital-rich players to generate enough rent to crush the capital-poor players into bankruptcy. 

If you miss out on the good properties, you already know that you can’t possibly win after a few rolls of the dice, but you have to keep playing for hours anyway, each turn going around the board of pain and giving away a little bit more of your money, then getting £200 back, then giving it away again, then getting another £200, and so on so you never quite go bankrupt and just limp out a pathetic existence just clinging on for survival turn after turn. 

That’s not fun. But neither is when I’ve played and ended up scooping a good portfolio of properties from a lucky first few rolls, and knowing fairly early on that I’ve won the game, but need to go through the whole process of counting out my money as I wait hours for their spirits to break and agree to forfeit the same. It just does not work. It was literally designed as a model demonstrate the despair of capitalism in that way, that those dealt a poor hand can never win, but it became marketed as a fun game for some reason.

This is linked to the above, because luck has played too large a part in the distribution of resources, which shapes the whole rest of the game. But you can also have this problem at the other end of the scale: games with too much strategy and ability are inevitable from the start. So you need an element of randomness in there, chess-with-dice, to keep it open, and an element of skill (because Monopoly is largely just rolling the dice, and Uno is largely just dealing the cards) to keep it engaging. 

But there is a difference between that openness (anyone can win!) from the start, and then keeping the game open throughout (it isn’t over until it’s over!), like the same principle over two different axes. You need mechanisms built into the game to keep things alive and scupper even the best strategies. Monopoly fails on both axes, whereas at least Uno can be a rollercoaster: you are stuck on a track you can’t change, but you can go down to one card early on but still lose, which keeps it at least interesting as an observer.

Free will

The weird thing about strategy is that it bothers me even if it is hypothetical. In chess, it feels like there is an objectively correct move to make, which weirdly then takes us to being stuck on the track, where you aren’t really required. To give another example, there is a game called Camel Up which is a world apart from chess, but shares the same problems. It’s a gambling game based on shifting probabilities, and there is therefore an objectively correct move to make each turn. 

If you worked it out, it would be easy to ‘solve’ the game and almost always win. But that takes too long to be fun for the other people, who will always pressure you to make your move before you can do the maths, and rightly so. That means you’re either rushed into doing some you know in your gut is wrong, which is frustrating, or you take so long that it ceases to be fun and just becomes an exercise in arithmetic where you each make the logical move and luck decides who wins. But just having the possibility of that option takes the fun away for me, because I know there is an answer, just beyond my reach, but have to pretend that I don’t.

There is some overlap with the above, but this is an area where the pure-strategy games become as bad as the pure-luck games, because they become too computerised and a 'you may as well sit back and watch a machine process the turns’ situation again. You need to have some element of choice, where you don’t know what the right choice to make is, because you have options which affect the game and their success is dependent on random elements and other people’s choices down the line.

The Goldilocks zone

I think that games like Pictionary or Cluedo are good under these metrics because they strike the right balance. There is an element of ability, but also luck, so you can’t over-strategise and can just relax and have fun, but you are still rewarded for playing well, and the game is kept exciting by that randomness until the end, as anyone could still overtake you even if you take the lead, even if they are worse, because of that nicely measured dose of luck.

Chess has more ability than luck, so you can over-strategise and someone worse than you is unlikely to have a chance. Uno has more luck than ability, so you can’t really play well and there is no reward for your choices. Monopoly is the same, except with the added failure that you know whoever takes the lead is probably going to win, because there is a mechanism where success builds success (like exponential growth or compound interest) which doesn’t make for a good game. Good games are open to everyone, are open throughout, and actually need you to play them to earn the win (with a small helping of chance).

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #440

from a day or two ago.

Do you drink a lot of soda? I definitely do. :/ I'd lose weight so much easier if I could drop the habit. Are tomatoes the best food in the world? I don't like tomatoes unless they're very fresh and on a mayo and bacon sandwich. Have you seen The Blindside? I actually haven't. Do you have a favorite local pizza place? Not really. There's a place I like that isn't huge, but I don't have like, a serious passion for or loyalty to it. Would you date someone 10+ years older than you? Meh, I think ten years is my cut-off. Are you due for a haircut? For sure. >_< Are you dealing with any health-related problems right now? Yeah. Even with my APAP mask, because I apparently move it too much in my sleep, I'm struggling with my sleep apnea nightmares/terrors. Do your parents like the music you listen to? Most of it. Do your parents approve of your beliefs? Not all of them, no. How many different digital cameras have you owned in your life? How about cell phones? Cell phones, idk. I've had two "pro" cameras. Do you typically do your make up the same each time? Or do you like to change it up often? It's pretty much always the same. Who is the last person you were in a room with just the two of you? What were you doing? Mom. We worked together on my room. What do you usually order at Subway? Turkey, bacon, American cheese, pickles, banana peppers, and chipotle on I want to say Italian bread. How long is your mother’s hair? It's hard to say, because it's all poofy now versus wavy like before it had to be shaved off. Don't repeat it to her ever, but she has, uh... "old lady hair" now, ha ha. What is your favourite car brand? I don’t care. Whose chore is it to clean the bathrooms in your house? My mom does it. Pick your three favourite fruits. Strawberries, kiwi, and uhhh... apples. Or pineapple. Have you ever played Cards Against Humanity? Yeah. We used to play that a lot at Colleen's house on nights we had some drinks. Who were the last friends you went to hang out with? Oh jeez, idk. I haven't hung out with a friend in a long time. How many chairs are in the room you’re currently in? Zero. I'm in my bedroom. Are you bored right now? I'm bored almost every waking hour of my days. Have you ever seen a pelican in real life? I'm actually not sure. What’s important about April? My younger sister's birthday is in April. Is there anyone who hates you? Jason probably does. Would you consider adoption? Not for me personally. What’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet? Our late boxer mix. Do you own any kind of helmet? No. Do you ever put fruit on your cereal? Noooo. How do you usually celebrate your favorite holiday? My younger sister comes over here and we open our presents with Mom, who also cooks a nice breakfast. We then go to my older sister's house for the day to watch the kids open presents from their extended family. I say "extended" because the kids obviously aren't going to wait for us to get there to open the majority of their gifts from their parents, ha ha. What’s a few facts about the last person that talked to you? She's from New York, has five kids, has survived cancer (one almost advanced to a fatal level) twice, she loves owls, and recently graduated with her bachelor's in social work (it's never too late, people). What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? We're both cisgender females. Where is the biggest scar on your body? It's probably where I had a cyst removal, which is in a spot I can't see. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? Absolutely not. I am NOT getting involved in that. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? I'd go to the gym sooner. Have you ever kissed anyone with a tattoo? Hmmm... I think Tyler actually may have had a The Legend of Zelda tattoo? I can't really remember. If not him, then no. Have you ever kissed someone you weren’t dating? No, but I've been kissed by someone I wasn't dating. Do you know anyone who drinks a lot? Yes. What were you afraid of the most when you were a kid? Being separated from/losing my mom. Do you like to make the first move? No. When was the last time you completely broke down? A few weeks ago when I was having a PTSD episode. Are you listening to any music? No; I'm watching Gab play Final Fantasy X. Is your hair long enough to put in a ponytail? No. Has someone ever told you they want to spend the rest of their life with you? Hm, it's funny, I don't see him anymore. Have you ever peed in the woods? No. Have you ever played Twister? Yeah, I liked playing it as a kid. Are you looking for a boyfriend//girlfriend? Not actively, no. I really don't need one right now. Out of all of your friends who have you gotten in the worst fight with? Of all friends I've EVER had, probably Colleen. Of the friends I still have, maybe Sara. What is the last microwaveable meal you had? I've been on a SERIOUS grilled chicken pesto kick lately. Mom buys these small Healthy Choice (or some brand like that) bowls that you put in the microwave and then pour the noodles and chicken into the sauce after and mix, and oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOD it is so good. What would you consider a talent of yours? Assuming the worst out of every imaginable situation. If Hogwarts was a real place and you were able to attend, what class do you think you’d excel at? According to those little quizzes I've taken, I lean mostly towards Hufflepuff, but with Gryffindor traits as well. Would you rather learn more about space or more about the ocean? Well, ideally, space, but I think learning much more about our ocean would be more beneficial to our planet and our prosperity on Earth. Do you have a mental illness? If yes, how have you learned to cope with it? If no, do you ever suspect you may have one? I have a lot. My bipolarity, OCD, and PTSD are *mostly* under control, but I most certainly still have trouble sometimes. My anxiety and AvPD are still rabid fucking hounds. My depression was well-managed not even that long ago, but life circumstances have it so it's been more aggressive than what was usual. Do you have a favorite character from The Avengers? I dunno, I like Loki ig. Thor is cool, too. It's been WAY too long since I've seen that movie. What type of cake would you like right now? Double chocolate cake sounds great rn. @_@ What was your dream job when you were a child? Are you going after that dream or not? Why? Paleontologist, and no, because I don't want to travel for work, and I could also never handle the heat during site excavations. Even though it may not work all the time, what usually helps make you feel better when you’re upset or down? Watching one of my comfort series on YouTube from channels I enjoy. Why do you personally take surveys? It's a method to just get all these thoughts out of my head and to vent when I need to without actually directly burdening someone with my problems. No one has to read 'em. It's purely for my benefit, and also to pass the time, which I have too much of. Are there any words that you can’t stand? Derogatory terms for certain groups of people. What are words that you love? Words like "serendipity," "bliss," joyous, bubbly words. I'm blanking on actual terms. If you had an endless supply of money for clothing only, what would you load your closet with? Ohhhh, lots of shit with studs and spikes. :') I've wanted a studded leather jacket since I was in middle school. Have never gotten one because of how pricey they are. :( I'd also get some KILLER boots and just obtain a more gothic wardrobe. I'd love corsets too if my body ever shrinks back to a point I'd be comfortable wearing well-made ones. What is your favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip. What is your favorite type of candy? Strawberry Sour Punch Straws. What color would you like to paint your nails next? I don't paint my nails. Realistically, they probably won't be 'til my entirely hypothetical wedding, in which case they'll probably be black. What do you think is creepy that society accepts as normal? Urinals, alsdkfja;klwejr. Like I get men's bathrooms give the option of using a stall, but still... side-by-side urinals are so weird and a breach of privacy to me. What is the silliest secret about yourself that you sometimes feel the need to hide? That I enjoy forum RP. I tell NOBODY because I fear being judged and found as weird. Like seriously, in my "real" life, maybe two people know. What do you think is a good date other than dinner and a movie? I want a picnic date really bad kalj;dkl;jwe. Do you dread certain days of the week? If yes, what day/s and why? No. They're all very similar. Do you ever give money to homeless people? No, admittedly. Mom instead likes to sometimes offer them bottles of water or if she's really feeling generous, a cheap meal at like McDonald's or something. She doesn't like to hand out money because, well, we know what a vast majority of homeless people spend it on. Do you like to brag or are you modest? I get really uncomfortable bragging, so I try to be as modest as I can be. What your favourite thing to have on toast? I love giving it a light toast, then adding a thin layer of butter, cinnamon, and sugar. It's bomb. Do you know how to surf? Would you ever like to learn? No to either. If you eat oatmeal, do you have it plain or do you have certain toppings that you like to add to it? I love sprinkling some sugar in there. Would you prefer to spend time with your whole family all at once, or would you rather quality time with one family member at a time? Depends on what I feel up to, but I tend to enjoy family time as a group more. That way, I don't have TOO much pressure to be constantly social. I can just listen sometimes. What is the funniest or strangest thing you’ve ever heard somebody say in their sleep? I have no idea. I worry what people have heard ME say/scream in my sleep. Do you own a pair of slippers? Yeah, they're meerkat ones! :') Choose one: Butterfinger, Milky Way, Snickers: Absolutely a Milky Way. Who was the last person to comment you? My mom. I'm cool, I swear. How many arguments have you had with the last person you kissed? A lot over all these years, but I'd say that's normal when you've been friends since you were 8 and 10. Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes. What are you planning on doing after this? When I'm done taking this survey, I'll probably either go to bed or play a bit of WoW. Idk. Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? I have my alarm set for 7, actually. Ever been the only one trying to fix a relationship? Mhmmmm. -_- What was the last bad thing that happened to your phone? The case that came with the phone got a big crack in it. Have you ever been with someone while they were throwing up? Absolutely not. I would start vomiting. I can't handle the sound or the act in general. Have you been to the beach this year? No; I haven't been in a long time, and I am noooot complaining. Have you ever skipped school just because you were tired? Yes. Are you tan? God no. Do you own any leather? No real leather, no. I never would. Have you ever bought a shot glass? No. Do you have a therapist? Yes. We actually just talked today. Well, technically yesterday. What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I don't know. She doesn't really call me bad names. Have you ever listened to Christian music? Not of my own volition, but I've heard it because of other people controlling the radio. Are you the ‘creative child’? Yes, I'm considered that one. Did you like your life when you were in middle school? God no. That's when everything started going downhill. Have you ever been 'popular’? No. Has someone ever tried to convert you? Yes. Are you a fan of muffins? I LOVE muffins. What’s your most recent obsession? It's kinda chilled out now, but when Resident Evil 8: Village released, I was CRAZY over it. I watched SO many different let's plays of it. I think it's safe to say it beats out RE4 as my favorite installment.

[taeguboi]

BTS Crush On You: Truth or Dare [Jungkook version]

Crush On You: RM // Jin // Suga // J-Hope // Jimin // V 

Care Package To You: RM // Jin // Suga // J-Hope // Jimin // V

New Fiction Masterlist here

The initial scenario

Tonight had been planned for ages. You, all your girl friends and the boys. Everyone had been so busy lately with their heavy schedules of work, studying, the lot and everyone agreed that on the next night they were all available, you’d have a sleepover at one of your friend’s shared student houses (which was to be free with it being the holidays,) just like old times and to take time out from your young adult lives.

For some reason, you were never too old to be playing the classic game of truth or dare. In the spacious living room, already in your pyjamas, the group of you sat in a wide circle, some on the floor, some on the sofa, and sleeping bags were scattered everywhere. Many drinks had been consumed and now a space in the middle had been cleared for one of your empty bottles.

One of your friends spins the bottle and you all watch to see who it chooses….

Truth

“Truth” Jungkook decides the moment the bottle stops in this direction.

Jungkook wasn’t actually in the mood for much truth telling this evening as he engaged in this game of truth or dare with this friends. At first, he was super excited about this sleepover idea to catch up with some of his best friends, but then something happened that made him feel tense.

Maybe it was the busy schedule not allowing him much time to think of anything else or maybe it was just that he hadn’t thought about it before really but... Well, a few weeks ago, he’d met up with you for a coffee and a chat when you were both on a lunch break working nearby and had time to spare.

It was just a normal situation; two friends meeting up to catch up and take a short amount of timeout from their busy lives. At the time, it was a normal situation to Jungkook as he spoke to you about his week and he listened to what you had to say about yours.

Then a few days later, he daydreamed in the middle of work about your meet up thinking ‘ahh I miss being able to get more little opportunities like that to see friends...’

...and then a day or two after that, he was thinking about how funny a joke you made was and it made him giggle like a little girl just thinking about it sat on his own at home...

...and then a day after that, he found himself daydreaming yet again. This time though, he sort of weirded himself out. At first, he was thinking about the coffee and the chat... but then his brain made up a scenario in which he kissed you before you went back to work / studying.

He shook his head and told himself it was his imagination getting carried away because maybe life right now felt a bit boring and his mind wanted something interesting to happen.

It got to the point where thought of you fondly with a smile every day. He was excited about the sleepover just to see you... not that he would admit that to anyone and not even fully admit that to himself. Two days before though, he found himself becoming nervous at the idea of this sleepover.

Would you all be playing the same games as before? Would it just be a movie marathon? Was this sleepover going to entail anything in which his heart would pound out of his chest from his nervousness?...

Then just hours before arriving to the friend’s house, he realised it wasn’t a nervous feeling inside at the idea of sitting next to you on the sofa whilst watching movies, or the idea of his friends getting to kiss you for a dare... 

His inner voice freaked a little “oh my god! I have a crush on y/n!”

“Right guys...” says y/f/n. “What deep dark secret do we want to know about our Kookie?”

“I have no ‘deep dark’ secrets” smiles Jungkook confidently. He wasn’t dumb enough to reveal that much about himself to his friends. As one of the youngest of the group, whenever Jungkook had announced or confessed something in the past, everyone would tease him. Not in a horrible way, just things like ‘aw he’s all grown up!’ and ‘bless him!’

Yeah, no, not tonight he thinks.

“Alright then” interrupts Hoseok. “The last person you met up with outside of work and not including this sleepover tonight; they are standing right in front of you, naked in all their glory and... you’re trapped in a lift with them. What do you do? Go!”

Jungkook has a think about the last person he met outside of work commitments... 

“Wait, wait a minute... Why would someone be naked in a lift?” laughs Jungkook.

“They just are! Come on Kookie, don’t hold up the game” Hoseok chuckles, pushing for an answer.

“Hang on, lemme think” stalls Jungkook, waving a hand about and accidentally whacking your knee in the process.

“Ah! Jungkook-ah!” you exclaim, overexaggerating the impact in jest.

Then Jungkook realizes that the last person he met up with was you. He hadn’t had much time for coffees and chats since. Oh, wait there was that one family member... oh wait, no; that was a few days before.

He decides to pretend it was his cousin, trying not to think of your in that way.

“Oh god! I know it’s legal and all but I would never do that with my cousin!” he laughs, a little over the top. “Especially since the last time I met him he told me about...”

"...his new girlfriend” you say, finishing his sentence. “You told me about that when we met for coffee the other week.

“Oh... yeah...” replies Jungkook, a little annoyed he’s been caught out there. “I suppose the last person I met up with was y/n then...”

Everyone jeers jokingly at the idea that it’s two of their friends in this hypothetical situation.

“Hahaha! Get in Jungkook!” jokes Jimin, completely unaware like the rest of you of what is going through Jungkook’s mind.

You decide to chip in with the joke and play along with the situation by scooting closer to Jungkook - “Oh no! We’re in this lift, trapped, and I’m all naked Jungkook!” you over dramatically act out, draping yourself over his lap “Take me Jungkook! Take me!” 

Everybody is pissing themselves laughing at your little piece which allows Jungkook some time to think about how to react to this situation. The laughter dies down a bit and Jungkook figures that should be his queue to give an answer.

“I would take off my jacket,” begins Jungkook, actually removing the hoodie he was wearing, “and I would tell y/n it’s far too chilly to be naked, maybe ask if she needs to be sectioned...” he continues making everyone laugh once again as he makes you sit up and as you sit with your knees in front of you. 

He crouches in front of you and places his hoodie over your shoulders, tugging gently at the front to keep it around you. The two of you make eye contact for a moment; it’s not brief but not ever so long either. Long enough to catch each other’s gaze, but not long enough for you to figure out the meaning of the way he just looked at you.

Going back to sitting next to you, Jungkook continues. “and then we would just talk until someone fixes the lift.”

“Ah, fair, fair” says Hoseok with a shrug, not quite getting as juicy an answer as he was hoping for.

“Wait, wait, wait!” interrupts y/f/n. “Jungkook, are you honestly saying that there’s a naked girl in front of you literally begging you to take her... and you aren’t going to do anything about it?”

“I just did say I’d do something about it” defends Kook.

“Are you seriously saying you guys wouldn’t fuck?” adds Seokjin.

“Seokjin!” you exclaim, a little embarrassed now.

“Why would two people fuck in a lift of all places?” asks a confused Jungkook.

“Ah come on! Loads of people do it!” chimes in Hoseok.

“Yeah, well maybe you do,” Jungkook throws back at his friend, “but I’m more classy than that, thank you!”

“Okay, okay, if you say so...” Hoseok sighs, shuffling over to the bottle in the middle. “Let’s see who’s next...”

Dare

“Me again?” huffs Jungkook as the bottle spins his way for the third time in a row.

The entire group of friends had been playing for another 20 minutes now and something in you believed the floor might be at a slight angle as it keeps pointing towards Jungkook, yourself, and Yoongi who is sat on the other side of you.

“I swear you guys are doing this on purpose...”

“The bottle doesn’t lie Jungkook-ah!” protests Jimin. 

Jungkook hadn’t yet picked ‘dare’ as an option so he figures he should probably change things up a bit

“Alright, dare” says Jungkook, eliciting a joking shocked response from most of you and your friends.

“He finally chooses a dare!” exclaims y/f/n with a chuckle.

“Go on then, give it to me!” sighs Jungkook with a gesture of both his hands matching his words as he leans back onto the nearby bit of wall he sits near.

“No one’s done 7 minutes in heaven yet” suggests Jimin.

“Oh come one man!” exclaims Jungkook, quick to sit up again. “Isn’t that a bit old school?”

“Um hello? We’re fully grown adults having a sleepover; we’re already being old school!” Hoseok tells him, picking up the bottle.

“Next person it spins on has to do the 7 minutes with him?” suggests y/f/n.

Hoseok nods in agreement and everybody waits to see who the lucky guy or gal will be.

“Wait! Only if it’s a girl!” requests Jungkook.

“You realise you don’t have to kiss at all in those 7 minutes, right?” you inform him feeling a little humoured by his slight panic.

“Oh... yeah.... I guess I’ve never not....” he replies quietly as the bottle stops to pick........

You.

“Right then!” chirps y/f/n, standing up. “One of my housemates left their room unlocked just in case anyone needed it...”

“Yeah, to sleep in!” says Jungkook as he watches y/f/n walk across to one of the doors surrounding the living area, the one with the number ‘3′.

“I’m sure y/f/n’s housemate won’t mind if you don’t sleep together in there” jokes Yoongi in his usual laid back tone.

“Oooh, is there a problem Jungkook?” challenges Seokjin.

“No!” booms Jungkook a bit too loudly. “I mean, no, not at all” he says more calmly with a lower volume.

“Right y/n” says y/f/n. “Set the timer on you phone for seven minutes” she instructs, pulling you up to your feet.

“Alright” you reply, not at all feeling flustered by this situation and walking towards room 3.

Jungkook scrambles and follows, feeling super nervous about the idea of being locked in a room with you.

Your friend shuts the door behind you two and you can hear your friend - “Alright guys, I’ve got my phone set too; your time starts... now!”

You press the ‘start’ button on the timer on your phone as you and Jungkook both sit on the side of the bed next to each other.

“Uh, so... how do you wanna do this?” you ask.

“We could do or talk about anything, really” he replies with a shrug and a friendly expression.

“How about... since you have been kind enough to let me wear your hoodie all evening so far, I’ll offer something in return” you suggest.

“Like what?” he asks.

“Hmm, let’s think” you hum. “I could let you wear something of mine...” you joke, causing the two of you to giggle. “...Or, I know! Open up to me; what’s the one thing you’ve been keeping to yourself lately that you need to talk to someone about?”

Jungkook’s heart flutters. He has a few things he’s been keeping in... but he couldn’t tell you about one of those things. On the outside, he keeps an appearance of calmly and thoughtfully but on the inside he’s freaking out!

“Okay... I guess that lately, and from tonight, I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out on the social life I used to have”

“Yeah, I get that too” you tell him, rubbing a hand on the back of his shoulder.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean, we all went from seeing each other like every week, sometimes almost every day even, and then life just sort of happened and made us all too busy to do that stuff anymore”

“Yeah, I guess so...” he sighs. “And I can’t even remember the last time I went on a night out or had a date...”

“Me neither” you chuckle.

“I know” begins Jungkook, words about to go ahead of his thoughts. “How about we make a deal?”

“I’m interested” you tell him, wondering what he will say next.

“If, by the next time we can both meet up, neither of us has had a date, let’s go some place fancy; we’ll have steak and wine and we’ll ask awkward questions like ‘what’s you favourite animal’ or..”

“So like a date then?” you smile with a brief nervous laugh.

“Well, not exactly, but...”

“Sounds great to me” you grin with a warm feeling inside.

“Wait, really?” he asks, eyebrows raised in surprise.

You reach your hand out for a handshake. “It’s a deal”

Jungkook reaches out a hand to complete the handshake and a firm shake is done.

But neither one of you lets go first. Instead, you linger and look up at each other almost at exactly the same time. Your stares relax as you gaze into one another’s eyes.

“Um, you know, we have about a few minutes left of this dare...” he smiles.

“What did you have in mind...?” you softly reply.

A wave of shock comes over you as Jungkook lets go from the handshake and both his hand move to your sides.

“Tickle fight!” he exclaims, no longer able to bear the tension he was experiencing from holding your hand.

Hardly able to speak from all the giggling - god knows what everyone else can hear or is thinking - you manage to utter “Jungkook!” you squeal, trying you hardest to fight back to tickle him, but it’s no use. You’re squirming about on the bed as he is relentless in tickling you.

“Jungkook! Please stop!” you laugh “I... I can’t....” you puff, trying to catch your breath. “I can’t breath!” you giggle.

“Oh god, sorry” he apologises, finally giving up.

There’s a pause as he allows you to sit up again and recover from the laughing and you hear the door opening and your phone beeping.

You look at the door met by Hoseok who alongside all your other friends had heard nothing but strange laughter toward the end had nothing more to say than just “You guys are fucking weird”

*******

Crush On You: RM // Jin // Suga // J-Hope // Jimin // V

Care Package To You: RM // Jin // Suga // J-Hope // Jimin // V

[dudebroreg]

In the isolation of this quarantine, I’m gonna resurrect THIS old ass argument. “Can Spike still rightfully end up with Buffy after his actions, and if he can’t, isn’t the same true for Angel?” and “Is Spuffy as meaningful as or even compare to Bangel?”. The following “conversation” is hypothetical and “person” represents most of the arguments I’ve seen people on the other side of this make. Person: I don’t see how anyone could possibly ship Buffy and Spike after the bathroom scene. Me: He didn’t have a soul when he did that. Once he does have a soul, the evil he did is no longer his fault unless he repeats the behavior, but their slow-burned bond and her eventual love for who he becomes in Chosen is real. It’s canon that she fell in love with him when their fingers locked before his death if you take Joss’s words as truth, and even if you don’t and need something to be solidified on the program to accept it as canon, interpreting what Buffy felt in those last moments as romantic love is no more or less provable than the “she was just saying it to make Spike feel better” take. It makes complete sense that Spike thought she was lying after all of his experiences, though. That’s part of his own tragedy. That angst is part of why we love them as a pairing. Person: Wow look at you making excuses for one of the worst things someone can possibly do. There’s no going back after that. Idc what the plot did to justify his actions, and it’s despicable to think that the show would still give them anything resembling a love story after that. Boo hoo about his little tragedy. Am I supposed to feel bad after what he tried to do to her? Me: Okay fine, I see your point. I don’t see how anyone could possibly ship Buffy and Angel after he went on a killing spree meant to emotionally torture her, targeted her friends and family, KILLED JENNY and not only got off on the pain it inflicted on Buffy’s father figure but set it up to be as devastating for Giles as humanly possible, and almost brought Hell on Earth which would have killed millions in global genocide all for his twisted amusement. I don’t see how anyone could feel bad about him having a sword driven through him and pulled into Acathla after what he tried to do to Buffy, to her loved ones, and to the entire fucking world. Oh also he tried to drive a sword into her face right before her badass comeback. Person: He didn’t have a soul when he did that. It’s not Angel’s fault what Angelus does. It’s not really him, but Bangel’s epic eternal love at first sight is real and will never die. Me: .... Person: ... It’s different because Spike is a little more human even when he doesn’t have a soul. Me: Does that mean he deserves less credit or more? :/ :/ Person: ANGEL AND ANGELUS IS DIFFERENT FROM SOULLESS SPIKE AND SPIKE. Me: Nah same lore same rules breh. Soulless Spike seems more human because William was a sentimental sap and hopeless romantic when he was sired and so Spike was a deranged version of that personality, but still a demon and still wired to do evil, no matter how deeply he feels for someone. Liam was a self-indulgent douche who lived primarily for his own satisfaction when he was sired and thus became Angelus. Like in life, Angelus in death gave into all of his wicked cravings but without guilt or remorse. Who Spike and Angel are without a soul fits who they were with a soul perfectly within the rules of Buffyverse vampirism. But Soulless Spike is still Soulless Spike, he is still supernaturally coded to be a monster, and his ensouled version deserves the same level of forgiveness or lack thereof as his grandsire. If you don’t think Buffy should be with someone who’s done unspeakable things regardless of the supernatural reason for it, fine, but that’s not what you’re saying. Me: The bathroom scene was hard to watch but an important turning point because he realized that in his chipped state he can’t be his fully monstrous self nor can he be a good man. His options were to get the chip removed and be William the Bloody again, or get his soul and attempt to be a good man. The decision he made was something Angelus would never do, which I could use to say Spike is just better, but really they’re just different people with different motives. Bangel and Spuffy present the same issues with the concept of being pardoned via soul and if either vampire is really “worthy” of her romantic affections, no matter how much you try to twist Buffy/Spike as the more unshippable pairing to suit your own preference on which character Buffy should have a future with.

Person: ARE YOU SAYING SEASON 6 SPUFFY WASN’T TOXIC?! Me: Nah it definitely was, but Spuffy fandom in large part really doesn’t want Buffy to end up with season 6 Spike. Many of us think their “relationship” when he was soulless was *entertaining* and added character depth, and that they had real moments of connection in the midst of the ugliness, but most of us recognize how unhealthy it was and that it was no recipe for happily-ever-after. Irl there would be no turning back but also irl people are not literal demons who can go and win a soul to make up for some missing piece of them, just as Angel’s situation would also not happen in our reality. Me: A lot of us DO want her to end up with fully actualized soul-having Spike as he was by the end of season 7, in season 5 of Angel, and post series. Bangel is the passionate all-consuming first love story, but they NEVER achieved the level of understanding and full realization of the other that Spuffy ultimately did. Probably in part because Buffy was a fuckin’ high school teenager when Bangel happened, but that’s vampire genre for ya. Me: The speech Spike gave Buffy in Touched is something Angel could NEVER deliver at any point we’ve seen them, because Angel never knew her the way Spike did, and Buffy’s conceptualization of Angel is super idealistic and passion-charged, lacking the full range of understanding she has of Spike, probably because, again, she was a fuckin’ high school teenager when Bangel happened. Me: If she loves both of them, which I believe she does and the creator of the verse believes she does, it would take years for Buffy and Angel to discover and know each other to the depths that Buffy and Spike already do. Never mind that Buffy and Angel changed - they didn’t even know each other THAT well when they were together. The more Angel the Series dives into the whole of Angel, the more clear that becomes, and Buffy wasn’t anywhere near her full growth when he left for LA. Why go back and rebuild Buffy’s first major relationship when Spike is right there, the feelings are developed enough to where if she said “I absolutely do love you and you were wrong for doubting it” it wouldn’t seem wild whatsoever, and the natural romantic endpoint of her journey has more substance there? Because you just like Bangel more? Cool! You do you, but Buffy/Angel is still in no way the morally superior tv couple. Me: Also, not to be a dick on that whole love-at-first-sight deal, but it’s canon that Angel loved her the moment he saw her, which is weird to me since the first time he saw her was watching her creepily from a distance when she was 15 years-old in a short skirt and literally sucking on a lollipop.  Okay so I’m just being a prick with that last part because that too is a byproduct of 90s TV and vampire genre. “Bangel or Spuffy” is mostly a “which type of fictional relationship do I vibe with?” based debate. Bangel is one of those epic earth-shattering-consuming-my-whole-being-at-first-kiss romances, and the people who love that kinda thing will be inclined to support them, and I do love Angel as a whole. What I will always fight, no matter how old this subject and these shows get, is this wack idea that there are problems within Spuffy that make it more unshippable than Bangel, or even more hilariously that Buffy “deserves” better than Spike and yet “deserves” Angel. 

Though, if you tell me you think she’s too good for both of them, you have a much stronger case there, but that doesn’t make me love Spuffy any less, nor would it make someone else stop loving Bangel.

[kreekey]

examples of people being racist toward yoko unintentionally: 1- calling her a weird stalker when they glorify/don't mind the many white fangirls who used to stalk the Beatles. 2- spreading misinformation that she lost custody of her daughter when in fact she'd won against her white crazy ex despite everything NOT in favour of her 3- bashing her for using John's glasses on the album cover she worked with John on, when they would've praised the artistry and bold statement if she was a white woman

Hey sorry I got around to answering your ask so late! You make a lot of really interesting points and I rarely hear people consider that. 

1 - reminds me of a Tumblr post I saw about an obsessive Beatlemaniac stalker and people were like “me” or “bless her” haha. Definitely different when they can interpret Yoko’s actions as “stalking”. And your point also reminds me of this quote, which isn’t about fangirls but still somewhat kinda related.

“Like Yoko when she met John, Linda was a divorced woman with a daughter when she met Paul mere months later.  There are stories similar to those about Yoko of her “scheming” to meet and marry Paul.  In the same way that Yoko is said to have joked prior to meeting him that she was “going to marry John Lennon,” Linda joked like any woman with a celebrity crush about how she was “going to marry Paul McCartney.”  (Bob Spitz notes both in his book The Beatles.  Guess which one he thought was conniving, and which one he thought was adorable.)... Was it the lucky fact that Linda got the scene a few months later than Yoko, or was it her whiteness?“ 

X

And I don’t have the answer if it was Yoko’s race that made her such a target, but it’s something interesting to consider and note. [And I’ll clarify this, I'm pretty sure Yoko didn't know about the Beatles until she became face to face with one, like she wasn't a fan who got lucky enough to meet her idol. In the David Frost interview and the 1971 Rolling Stone interview, John noted that Yoko didn't know him when they met, and Yoko Ono: Collector of Skies by Neil Beram says this on their meeting: "She was about as familiar with John's work as he was with hers. "I was an underground person, and such an artistic snob," she said later. "I knew about The Beatles, of course... but I wasn't interested in them." Just about the only thing she could recall about them was the drummer Ringo Starr's first name, because ringo means "apple" in Japanese.”] Also, and this definitely wasn’t stalking, but I posted a quote from Bob Spitz’ biography where he writes along the lines of

“[Linda] always insisted that she was going to marry Paul McCartney,” [Nat Weiss] recalls, “even before she met him”... It was no accident that Linda Eastman veered into his aura. She’d taken a few polite shots of Ringo and George before “zeroing in on Paul,”... Linda had come dressed to kill. Most days she played the typical rock chick, decked out in rumpled jeans and a T-shirt, with little or no makeup and unwashed hair. But today her hair had been carefully blow-dried so that it fell perfectly forward in wing points at her chin. And she was dressed in an expensive double-breasted striped barbershop jacket arranged just so over a sheer black sweater, with a miniskirt that flattered her gorgeous legs. When she squatted down – not so subtly, in what must have been a rehearsed gesture – in front of Paul for an intimate chat, he had trouble keeping his eyes from wandering below-decks...

, and some people commented that it appeared kinda predatory/pre-planned (reminds me of some criticism of Francie Schwartz’s meeting with Paul), but overall cute and everything. At the time I wondered how people would react if Yoko did that to John lol. No way of knowing, just a thought. And also, I know Yoko sent him Grapefruit and little instructions often, I think that’s usually what people cite as the stalking, that she tried to ensnare him with it. Again quoting Yoko Ono: Collector of Skies, 

For a time Yoko kept in touch with John by mailing him daily instructions-she called this Dance Event-that said things like "Dance" and "Watch all the lights until dawn" and "I'm a cloud. Watch for me in the sky." John found the instructions as perplexing as he found them intriguing.

And quoting this interview (in which she also asserts that “each and every occasion she visited John at Kenwood, it was at his invitation.”),

Despite the popular theory that Yoko was frantically inventing schemes to snare the wealthy Beatle, she was struggling with problems in her marriage [with Tony Cox] and also working hard to establish her career in the UK. Arriving in London in September 1966 to perform at the ‘Destruction In Art Symposium’, Yoko was already respected as an avant-garde artist and performer in New York, where she was allied to the Fluxus movement. She had a trained musical background, and had recently been involved in the improvisational music favoured by her peer group. She had also compiled a book of conceptual and instructional pieces called Grapefruit, and printed up a limited edition.

Yoko distributed copies to a number of influential people during 1966-’67. And John Lennon was one of the recipients. This has since been interpreted as one of various ruses on Yoko’s part to enchant Lennon.

She retorts: “There was a myth that I sent Grapefruit to him… how I wanted to trap him. It was a printed, published book. I had an orange carton of them, a lot of it. I would be giving it to critics. It was that sort of thing. He wasn’t the only one who got it.”

X

And by then, John had already eagerly offered to sponsor one of her shows, I think he was genuinely interested in her work. I don’t think John was actually threatened by these notes or felt he was harassed, especially since he made the jump to invite her over while his wife was away (and Yoko just thought it was a party!). He once referred to Yoko “someone that could turn me on to a million things” in the Lennon Remembers interview, he admired her art. And I know he said to Cyn that the letters were just junk from another one of those weird artists, but c’mon, what do you think John would say to his wife regarding the woman he’s romantically interested in? I don’t think it would’ve been fully truthful IMO, especially considering when John said that he nearly invited Yoko to India around that time because he liked her so.

2 is very true. Tony himself tried to make it seem like Yoko and John were crazy heroin druggies, and that's the case he tried to make (and that’s what he tried to tell Kyoko, that he was “saving” her from drug obsessed occultists). But, Yoko had gone “cold turkey” (ala the song) off heroin in 1969. This was 2 years before she won full custody in 1971. 

Although neither parent had been awarded sole custody of the child, Mr. Cox became increasingly reluctant to let Yoko and her new husband spend time with Kyoko, and finally refused to permit it at all. For a year before the Lennons came to America, they had been chasing Mr. Cox and Kyoko around Europe. In Majorca, Spain, the Lennons caught up with them and spirited Kyoko off to their hotel; but Mr. Cox called the police, and a Spanish court gave the child back to him. The incident added to his fear that the Lennons wanted to take her away from him for good.

Soon after the Lennons arrived in New York, they went to the United States Virgin Islands, to the same court where Yoko had been divorced, and that court awarded her permanent custody of her daughter.

X

But, Tony then took Kyoko to Texas (hiding/kidnapping her) which was in violation of that court order. Then more custody battle due to Tony’s stubbornness and evasiveness, but yes, Yoko did win custody then despite everything (even though John was very threatened by Tony lol, to the point he disallowed Yoko to visit him alone in order to discuss co-parenting when that was an option and suggested kidnapping Kyoko. But then again Tony was also kinda crazy. Seriously though IMO Yoko really tried gallantly to have Kyoko in her life, and the loss hurt her. To hear people try to spin it as Yoko being the monster in the situation through misinformation is unfortunate.)

3 is hypothetical, but I do speculate that if Yoko was white, the attitude toward her would’ve been different. Sean said, “It’s intense how racist the world is. If my mother had looked like Debbie Harry, I really think the reaction would have been different.” (X) Yoko’s former partner, Sam Havadtoy, also touched on this in an interview from 1990:

Q: ...No matter what Yoko does, she’s frequently the victim of a bad press. Any idea why?

Havadtoy: After John’s death, newspapers wrote that Yoko was this selfish person hoarding John’s memory, controlling it, not willing to share it with his fans. So after two years, she puts out 200 hours of film footage and a record and they say she’s exploiting John’s memory. She can’t win.

Q: Why not?

Havadtoy: Racism. If she were blond-haired and blue-eyed, nobody would have blamed her for breaking up the Beatles. They were the darlings of the universe; she was an outsider, an Oriental, an avant-garde artist--easy to pick on. When John married Yoko, the British press wrote: “At least he will have clean laundry.” And it’s still happening. America is infatuated with Japan-bashing. 

X

And I do think Season Of Glass was a memory thing, I posted about it here: X. 

And yes, I think that much of Yoko’s criticism/legacy was rooted in that initial reaction, which was pretty sexist and racist. But I think that influence can still be felt today, in ways that aren’t obvious. And like you said, unintentional. (Before anyone gets mad, if you dislike or hate Yoko that doesn't automatically make you racist lol. But the narrative built around her might’ve influenced your opinion of her, and the narrative was kinda rooted in a racist mentality. So that’s why and re-interpreting her in a fresh light is necessary).

[silver-lily-louise]

Hvor Som Helst

‘I have something to show you,’ Magnus says, and Alec looks up just in time to see him gently toss a flat leather pouch onto the breakfast table. ‘If something catastrophic happens, and our life comes crashing down around us, this is our way out.’

Shortly after their wedding, Magnus shows Alec his last-resort contingency plan. 

Read it on AO3, or below!

~oOo~ 

‘I have something to show you,’ Magnus says, and Alec looks up just in time to see him gently toss a flat leather pouch onto the breakfast table, before taking his usual seat.

Alec reaches out and takes the folder. The surface is smooth and dark, worn a little hard over time. ‘What is it?’ he asks, beginning to unwind the braided leather tied around the front toggle – and hesitating when the whole thing starts to buzz faintly, like a lamp with a faulty wire. ‘Don’t worry, the protection spell’s keyed to let you access it,’ Magnus reassures him. ‘As for what it is… well, it’s my getaway plan.’ Alec raises an eyebrow. ‘Thought you already did the whole runaway groom thing?’ Magnus chuckles. ‘Not that kind of a getaway plan – though remind me to show you Gone Girl at some point. This is more of a… break glass in case of emergency situation.’ His demeanor shifts, turning a little more serious. ‘If something catastrophic happens, and our life comes crashing down around us, this is our way out.’ 

Alec opens the case the rest of the way, startling a little as a wave of magic rushes over him, sparking a shiver. ‘That’s quite a spell,’ he comments. Magnus nods. ‘Most people who live longer than a century take the time to develop one of these plans,’ he says quietly, ‘just in case something from the past rears its ugly head. But they rely on complete secrecy. Not even Catarina has seen this, nor I hers.’ He smiles. ‘But, we’re married now, and so I thought you ought to know.’ 

Alec smiles back, and lets the case fall open, the edges stretching out of their concertina. He pulls out the biggest pieces of paper first, recognising the birth certificates – one for William Johnson, one for Jacob Taylor – and a marriage certificate, but only certain parts of the other documentation, because he doesn’t read… ‘Swedish?’ he hazards a guess.

‘Norwegian,’ Magnus corrects. ‘I thought Norway would be a good place to start over, if need be. For starters, there are some excellent ley lines towards the north of the country. And my extended residence in New York is the exception, not the rule – I tend to prefer sunnier climes, so anyone from my past trying to find me isn’t likely to start in Scandinavia.’ ‘Makes sense.’ Alec reaches into the folder once more, this time pulling out a couple of passports. ‘American?’ he asks. ‘Won’t that stand out a little in the middle of Europe?’ ‘Well, we communicate in American English, darling,’ Magnus points out. ‘I think it’s best that our passports lend that a little context.’ ‘Good point,’ Alec admits. ‘Though now I know about this, I should probably learn Norwegian, huh? Secretly, of course.’ He flips open one of the passports, huffing in amused indignation. Honestly, if they have to use this contingency, the main thing that could give them away is that “Jacob Johnson” appears to be the only person on Earth who’s managed to look attractive in his passport photo. ‘Aw,’ Alec teases, ‘Jacob Johnson. You took my name, then?’ Magnus rolls his eyes, but he looks fond. ‘I took your name in real life too, Alexander.’ Alec laughs quietly, in half-amusement, half-joy. The novelty of being a Lightwood-Bane hasn’t quite worn off yet.

He folds the passport back up, putting everything back in the folder and retying the toggle, then sliding the secure case back over to Magnus. ‘Thank you for showing me,’ he says softly. He feels the momentous weight of trust on his shoulders; the gentle urge to cradle this act of faith like it’s made of spun glass, precious and fragile. Magnus smiles, shaking his head. ‘You don’t need to thank me, Alexander. You’re a part of this plan, after all.’ He huffs a laugh, looking down at where his hands are fiddling gently with the case’s toggle. ‘Really, it was high time you knew about it.’ ‘High time?’ Alec asks, curiosity piqued. ‘How long have you had this plan?’

‘Oh, decades now,’ Magnus says airily. ‘Changing it too regularly would just confuse things.’ He looks up, meeting Alec’s gaze again with a faint smile. ‘As for your part in it… I added that the day after Valentine attacked the Institute,’ he says – a little sheepish, but sure, too. ‘When you first told me that you loved me.’ Alec’s silent for a moment, stunned. ‘That’s… that was pretty early on,’ he says, a smile creeping across his face.

Magnus still looks slightly embarrassed, but he shrugs nonchalantly. ‘Well, I wanted you to have the option,’ he says. ‘But yes, it was early, I suppose. That’s why I didn’t tell you until now – I thought it best that our cover personas were married, because the legal and financial benefits of that would make certain things easier when establishing our new lives. But outside of that hypothetical, in our real life, I didn’t want to seem… presumptuous.’ He smirks. ‘Obviously, that’s not really an issue now.’ Alec chuckles. ‘Yeah, I get why you waited. I might have thought it was some sort of really weird proposal.’ They laugh at the imagined awkwardness; though privately, Alec’s not so sure he would have said no, early days or not. It’s not like they’ve ever been the kind of couple to take things slow.

Magnus gets to his feet, banishing the folder with a wave of his hand. ‘In any case,’ he says brightly, pulling Alec to his feet as well. ‘Hopefully we’ll never have to use it. But if we do… Well, now you know.’ ‘Now I know,’ Alec agrees, keeping ahold of Magnus’ hands. ‘For now – as long as we’re still in New York,’ he says with a grin, ‘why don’t we take advantage? We could head out to Thompson Park for the day.’

Magnus eagerly agrees to that plan, and an hour later they’re wandering through the quieter trails of the park, hand-in-hand, warm in their scarves and under the early winter sun. The contingency plan stays at the back of Alec’s mind – but as a reassurance, almost, not a worry. The Shadow World is a dangerous place, and it’s nice knowing that no matter what goes wrong, there’s a plan in place for how they can make it through together.

He doesn’t know any Norwegian, he knows next to nothing about Scandinavian culture, and he has no idea what their lives would look like in that eventuality. But somehow, it doesn’t matter; because he looks at Magnus – their intertwined fingers, the gentle smile on his lips, the sunlight catching his eyes – and something inside Alec whispers a truth with utter, unflinching certainty.

I’d follow you anywhere. 

~oOo~

[justasparkwritings]

Illicit Affairs: Show Their Truth

Previous: A Million Little Times

Pairings: None

Genre: Angst

Ratings: PG17

Word Count: 2.5K

Warnings: Manipulation, Abuse of Power, Swearing, Negotiations and Contracts, Plans for Rehab, Interventions

Summary: The Hyung Line breaks down the reality of BTS’ situation, and the group plans what to do about “the problem with Jungkook”. 

Listen: illicit affairs by Taylor Swift

          The six men shuffled into the dining room, prepared to discuss the new terms for their contract, their next seven-year sentence, one for each circle of hell Bang intended on making them go through.

           “What happens if we win a Grammy, or an Oscar?” Namjoon asked the men, Yoongi and Seokjin already having a sense of where this was going.

           “We win!” Jimin said.

           “That would be so cool, Oscar winners, BTS,” Ho-Seok said laughing.

           “No, I mean, contractually, do you know what happens?” Namjoon clarified.

           “Yes, we get the award,” Taehyung said, looking at the other members to see if they were as confused as he was.

           “Right, as a band, but Big Hit’s names are what will be on it, they’ll each get their own statue, and we won’t have anything, technically,” Namjoon stated, punctuating each word.

           “Technically?” Hoseok asked.

           “The people named on the physical award are the group, but the only people who get credit are the writers and producers… Hypothetically, I’ll have credit, or Yoongi and I will, but the rest of you wouldn’t,” Namjoon tried to lay it out in the clearest terms possible.

           “We wouldn’t?” Jimin asked.

           “Take Map of the Soul 7, if we had won a Grammy for it, none of us would’ve seen it,” Namjoon clarified.

           “Why not?” Taehyung asked indignantly.

           “We didn’t write or produce it, depending on the category we won in, we would never see it.” Yoongi chimed in.

           “But we did the work!” Jimin yelled.

           “That’s why The 1975 is credited on everything as a collective group, so that if they win anything, they all get the rewards… In our contract it states that we don’t own anything, and we don’t produce enough to get credit on anything, so we would see nothing unless we produced it, like we did with BE, but we didn’t win anything for BE.” Namjoon tried to gage their reactions, utter shock and anger dominating the room.              

           “Who owns our music?” Ho-Seok asked.

           “Bang and Big Hit outright own everything we’ve ever made, solo work or group,” Seokjin said.  

           “What?” Jimin yelled.

           “It specifically states that they do in our contracts,” Yoongi said.

           “So, Bang owns it?” Ho-Seok repeated.

           “My assumption is Big Hit, Bang, and their shareholders,” Namjoon nodded.

           “What does that mean?” Taehyung asked.

           “It means that if we break up, they can continue to earn revenue from our music, put out compilations, remix or remaster, let artists sample it, without our permission or consent.” Yoongi explained.

           “What?” Jimin yelled again.

           “Aye, stop yelling,” Yoongi snipped.

           “We get nothing?” Taehyung repeated.  

           “What does our contract say?” Jimin turned to Namjoon, eyes wide.

           “We’re fucked,” Yoongi said.

           “Part of what is in our new contracts is a clause that everything we create belongs to Big Hit, in perpetuity,” Namjoon said slowly.

           “In what?” Jimin had never heard the phrase.

           “Forever,” Yoongi said.

           “What?” Jimin couldn’t keep it in. He was livid. “They own everything?”

           “Yes, that’s the first problem,” Seokjin said.

           “The first?” Taehyung said, still in shock.

           “They’ve put in a new clause about who we can’t date,” Yoongi said, trying to take the pressure off of Namjoon.

           “Oh?” Jimin asked, “Another rule about our nonexistent love lives?”

           “It says that you can’t date anyone, regardless of sexual orientation, any fraternizing is strictly prohibited,” Seokjin said. The six of them exchanged glances, the spoken and unspoken resting between them.

           “I thought after you and Y/N had made it, they were going to give us a try?” Taehyung asked.

           “I don’t know,” Namjoon said defensively.

           “What else?” Jimin asked.

           “If a scandal breaks, we’re responsible for paying to have it scrubbed from the media,”

           “That seems fair,” Taehyung shrugged.

           “The percentage of what we write and produce in order to gain credit has gone up,”

           “And so has the amount of V Live time we do,”

           “Ah, that comes with a cash incentive,” Jin said smiling, a poor attempt at lightening the mood. No one laughed.

           “We spoke to independent lawyers, and unfortunately, the contract is pretty airtight. They said we can counter with a few minor changes, offer a few different solutions, but other than that, if we sign it, we’re stuck.” Namjoon informed them.  

           “Is there an option to not sign it?” Taehyung asked.

           “Yes, but we can’t make music until after each of us has served,” Namjoon said. It was a condition buried deep within their contract, one that he’d never thought much of, never realizing that he’d eventually want to get out of Big Hit’s suffocating embrace.

           “So, we sign it, or we find other careers for the next decade?” Ho-Seok probed.

           “Yes,” Seokjin, Yoongi and Namjoon replied, glancing at each other at the rare moment of harmony.

           “The other issue we need to discuss, is Jungkook,” Seokjin said, willingly changing the subject.

           “Ah, the problem with Jungkook, rearing its ugly head once again,” Yoongi said bitterly.  

“I don’t know what to do,” Jimin said.

           “He’s in his own head,” Taehyung said, “I don’t know how to reach him.”

           “Why isn’t he here?” Ho-Seok asked.

           “I don’t know,” Yoongi whispered.

           “What does Bang say we do?” Ho-Seok queried.

           “Well, that’s part of the problem,” Yoongi muttered.

           “He wants me, the Hyung Line and me, to fix it,” Namjoon offered.

           The Maknae Line was known for often being confused, for obeying their hyungs and frequently being lost in the shuffle. Their discernable qualities were often boiled down to superficial labels, ignoring their raw talent and honed gifts. Together they were a strong unit of lovable goofballs, with sex appeal in spades. But Jimin’s confusion fed Taehyung’s, which made Ho-Seok question himself, and encouraged Jungkook to go with the flow instead of employing his own thought process. Together, they bickered and loved harder than anyone could imagine. They were a unit, dysfunctional, but they were the most integral parts of BTS.

          Being a unit meant that Taehyung and Jimin spent the most time with Jungkook and had seen his drinking up close. It had been a slow progression, his excitement about turning the legal age in Korea, coupled with being of age in the states and essentially, the entire world, manifested in a habit he couldn’t kick. How could he? He was now free to have a beer with his hyungs after a show or at dinner, and he loved it. He loved being able to experience this with them, to share when they went out, to kick back at home. Jungkook developed his own tastes, what type of red wine he liked, what kind of hard liquor he wanted to nurse, if he liked it on the rocks or not… He could pass it off as trying to understand alcohol and all its complexities, a mixologist in the making, a connoisseur of spirits.

           The six members couldn’t pinpoint exactly when his drinking started becoming a problem, their best guess was sometime after turning 22. It was then that they began to see the shift from Jungkook the baby, to Jungkook the man. He started drinking more, more frequently, larger quantities, different hours of the day … Everything in abundance.

           The consummate professional, he never let it interfere with work, and would sweat out the hangover at the gym before throwing down in a performance. In the beginning, he was sneakier, hiding it from the members with ease. As he got older, as it got worse, his ability to hide bottles clanging or shots taken from them became more and more challenging. They didn’t know how long the addiction had been raging, which concerned them the longer it went on.

           They knew it was bad when Jungkook started lying to them and sneaking around in public. No longer open and brazen with his penchant for well-aged liquors, opting instead for whatever he could pay with in cash, in a dive bar outside the city. He didn’t savor and sip, he chugged and got wasted. There were moments when they saw the old Jungkook, the one just starting out, savoring every drop knowing it was sacred. It didn’t happen often.

           “Does he need to go to rehab?” Taehyung whispered, asking the question everyone had been too scared to ask.

           “When we go to military service, it’ll be a slow roll out. Jin-hyung and Yoongi-hyung will go first, followed by the 94s, which gives us a little time to figure out what to do… But when we go,” Namjoon motioned to Ho-Seok, “You will be alone, the Maknae Line, until Jin and Yoongi are ready to return, and you will have to handle this.”

           “Send him to rehab,” Yoongi said, face blank.

           “He won’t go,” Jimin said.

           “So, he kills himself? Another K-Pop star slain at their own hand?” Yoongi asked bitterly.

           “Or he leaves the group,” Jin said.

           “He can’t, not if he’s signed his contract,” Jimin said, looking to Namjoon to assure his assumption was correct.

           “Can we force him?” Taehyung asked.

           “No,” Jin replied.

           “Why is he drinking anyway?” Ho-Seok asked. “Is that a dumb question?”

           “I don’t know,” Jin said.

           “And yes, it’s a dumb question,” Yoongi answered.

           “I,” Namjoon sighed. “I’ve been having meetings with management, and they think he wasn’t raised well enough, that his youthful rebellions are not growing pains, but general disdain for the values of Big Hit.”

           “That seems like a far stretch?” Taehyung said.

           “I think he’s angry that he signed his life away, and is looking at a bleak future,” Yoongi said.

           “Youthful rebellions? More than his tattoos?” Ho-Seok asked.

           “Scandals that have been reported but not confirmed,” Namjoon was filling in the blanks, wasn’t that what he’d always been doing?

           “Drinking,” Jimin said.

           “The general lack of enthusiasm for filming anything,” Namjoon added.

           “Don’t you think it’s weird that we’re grown men, playing games for shit we can already buy?” Jimin asked.

           “Y/N asked me that a few weeks ago, and yeah, it’s fucking weird,” Namjoon said.

           “They bribe us so they can film content to keep ARMY engaged,” Yoongi said.

           “Jungkook hates it,” Ho-Seok replied.

           “The fact that anyone hates it more than me is implausible,” Yoongi muttered.

           “All of these things, when looked at under a microscope, paint the picture that Jungkook is,” Namjoon started.

           “Tarnishing the good name of Big Hit?” Jimin filled in.

           “Correct,” Jin said.

           “Who’s supposed to stop him?” Taehyung asked.

           “We are,” Jin said, stepping in for Namjoon. “Namjoonie’s carried the weight of this for a decade, and it’s time we all start pitching in,”

           “Isn’t Jungkook supposed to carry his own load?” Taehyung wondered.

           “How’s he doing with that?” Yoongi snipped.

           “Point taken,” Taehyung bowed his head.

           “What do we do?” Jimin asked, bringing everyone back on track.

           “Intervention?” Jin offered.

           “Drop him off at therapy?” Taehyung posed.

           “He’s only going to get better if he wants to, when he’s hit rock bottom,” Yoongi informed them.

           “Can we nudge him along?” Jimin asked, trying to find the fastest route to a positive change.

           “Purposefully make him think he’s fucked up, scare him into getting sober?” Yoongi questioned.

           “That’s diabolical,” Taehyung said.

           “Would it work?” Yoongi asked.

           “No, we can’t, he already hates-

           “He doesn’t hate you, hyung,” Taehyung said.

           “He blames me, for everything. His loss of innocence, for growing up so fast, his lack of identity and understanding of who he is… That he can’t love anyone, that everyone views him as the sexy one but doesn’t see any other side of him, for how overbearing management is… Every shortcoming is my fault,” Namjoon was trying not to cry, not again. No more tears over Jungkook.

           The Maknae line sat staring.

           “Why isn’t he mad at Bang? It’s more his fault than yours,” Jimin queried.

           “I’m the one he saw every day, who made sure he did his work, I got him to sign,” Namjoon answered.

           “You’re the one that’s secretly been parenting him for a decade,” Jin said. “I was clearly trying to raise him, but you? You did it in secret.”

           “In secret?” Taehyung asked.

           “I was, instructed, taught, guided, on what to do to help raise Jungkook,” Namjoon said.

           “Into what?” Taehyung was still confused.

           “Into a man, into a better musician, into the Golden Maknae,”

           “Were you monitoring his food or exercise?” Jimin asked.

           “No, not really, the trainers did that… I’ve mostly been encouraging good behaviors that would become habits,” Namjoon replied.

           “How come you never addressed the lisp?” Yoongi wondered, always the fan of bringing in random tidbits.

           “There’s not much you can do about the lisp, and it doesn’t come out when he sings.” Ho-Seok answered, looking at Yoongi. “It’s endearing.”

           “Not to stray off topic, but what do we do? Does he know?” Jimin continued to bring them back on track.

          “Know?” Ho-Seok asked.

          “About your clandestine meetings and ‘guidance’ which sounds more like a cult leader and less like a bandmate,” Jimin pressed.

          “He doesn’t, as far as I know, he doesn’t know about any of it,”

          “How’d you do it?” Taehyung asked, voice hushed in the chaos.

          Namjoon inhaled slowly before looking at his chosen family.

          “Little things like taking him to the gym or saying positives about whatever health juice I was drinking, I wanted him to imitate my behaviors, to copy them until it became rote. Until he didn’t know where the idea came from. It got more, elaborate as he got older… leaving articles behind, or quoting something I knew he’d ask about… dropping breadcrumbs for him to pick up.”

          Namjoon was embarrassed, ashamed by the way he’d conducted himself. He didn’t tell them about the times Bang had asked him to put supplements in JK’s water, or to swap out a pair of pants for ones slightly smaller to make the Golden Maknae feel insecure and fat, forcing him to work out relentlessly. He didn’t bring up the phrases he’d repeated, the little words of affirmation that he’d sprinkled into daily conversation, encouraging Jungkook to become obsessive in his habits. Namjoon could never admit to the hell Bang had put him through during Jungkook’s first few years, the drive he’d instilled in Namjoon to push Jungkook to his breaking point. He’d only let up when JK turned 21, when Bang felt like the transformation was complete.

          Namjoon would never admit he blackmailed, dosed, and destroyed little parts of Jungkook so Bang could fill them with who he wanted him to be. Jungkook was right to hate him, the parking lot meetings and notebooks he’d filled with his covert plans, in the wrong hands, would destroy BTS and Big Hit. No one would be safe.

          The men dispersed, some to their apartments, others to the kitchen, and Namjoon to the living room to start a movie. They’d have to talk to Jungkook in the morning. They’d have to write their counter offers for Bang and the Big Hit lawyers. They’d have to try and find a solution so that after a decade of intermittent service, something of their time in BTS remained, and their futures could continue.

Next: Mercurial High

[r0h1rr1m]

rambly inception thoughts bc i watched this movie for like the fifth time this week and i can’t let it go

i just saw a lil post about an umbrella academy/inception crossover and that au is not really relevant to this but it made me think. i got to wondering whether someone w superpowers would be able to use them in a dream, or if that would violate the suspension of disbelief/make-no-waves rules and call the projections down on u. the specific rules of this mechanism--and of forging, and limbo, and lots of other stuff--have a definitively movie-logic ambiguousness to them, but let’s say that using powers in a dream, even if you have them in real life, stretches belief a little too much and angers the projections. it would also explain why (from a watsonian perspective, at least) dreamsharers don’t just give themselves fantastic abilites to make things easier. (i kinda wanna go off on another tangent about what that implies about who you have fool, be it dreamer or mark or both, and the effect of varying levels of imagination, but few enough people are gonna read this whole thing as is :’))

but then (in this extremely niche and overly specific hypothetical situation, yes, i’m sorry) if powered ppl using real powers in a dream would be too unbelievable, it follows that dreamsharers would have to be at least slightly more boring versions of themselves in a dream, probably less skilled and just less weird. real life is consistently stranger and more unexpected than imagination

this is where this veers off into unrelated territory a lil bit bc then i started imagining the conversation that would happen if Ariadne started figuring this out or if Eames told her. without any effort at good or in-character dialogue, it might go something like this:

A <<so then the stablest/most forgiving dreams would be of the people with the most imagination? like children?>>

E <<probably, but who would go in the mind of a child?>>

A <<u literally make a career made a career out of violating people in a way so profound u’d have to be clinically paranoid to even worry about protecting against it, but u draw the line there? at children? why is it okay to do it to adults?>>

and so on until i started having some characterization hcs. bc i see Eames as the coldest/most ruthlessly pragmatic character in the movie (i’ve had conversations where ppl argue it’s Cobb, but he’s not ruthless. he is, in fact, sabotaging his own career w an overabundance of ruth. he’s just desperate and making some kind of myopic justifications. like that scene early on in the first level? i get the distinct sense that when he’s blowing up at Arthur he’s overcompensating to separate himself from the blame of a situation for which he’s at least 50% but arguably more responsible for. sorry tangent over) and i don’t think he’d worry abt this too much.

he knows that he lives his life in a bit of a moral gray area and unless he wants to make sm srs changes to his lifestyle there’s not a lot of point stressing. he’s not like totally relativistic, bc relativism isn’t that useful and he’s pretty utilitarian (i think these words also have, like, official philosophical definitions but idk anything abt that n i’m not using em that way), but he’s aware that a moral code is a tricky thing, even for ppl who are not international career criminals. rules like “no kids as marks” are easy to follow, and make simple, instinctive sense. i think he’d make a lot of moral decisions js on gut feeling.

in the hypothetical convo above where he tells Ariadne as much, mbe he adds:

<<if u want to talk abt it w someone who’s actually thought abt this, i’m sure Arthur has, but i don’t think it’ll make u feel better>>

bc Arthur is mbe a bit too good at compartmentalizing and justifications (not like Cobb, tho. Arthur is loyal to a fault and dedicated to looking after other ppl in a way he seems generally disinterested in doing for himself), seeing as he’s apparently the kind of person who can cheerfully ID someone’s murderer to their face and then just casually switch topics after like 5 words of explanation.

he’s characterized as v focused on planning/details and thoroughness/coherency, so it tracks that he’d want to articulate/organize his thoughts on Why I Do What I Do, but the subjectivity of his justifications would be especially apparent to Ariadne after this convo w Eames. and like, “convince ur friend to go to therapy” and “follow ur friend around the globe enabling his increasingly aimless and self-destructive mission to break into ppl’s heads for money” are on opposite ends of a spectrum i don’t want to know anything about. js bc this dude gets prissy abt Eames js Feeling Things Out and is convinced he’s Mr. Logic doesn’t mean his logic isn’t absolutely fckn buck-wild.

so Ariadne’s reaction to all this is what? it’s highly unlikely anything could make her give up dreamshare, so. are there legit alternatives to the criminal side of things? in the movie it’s not rly clear. when Dom goes to Miles and says that becoming a fugitive took away his legitimate options for his skills, it seems like that would imply there are, in fact, legitimate options. but then why was Miles only training/able to suggest a normal ass architect and not a dreamshare Architect?

anyway, the point is if legit dreamshare work exists, Ari could hand the work of deciding on ethics and regulations off to a boss or legislation. whether or not she’d choose to do that i think is a matter of personal hc and the movie could support it either way. if on the other hand, tho, only illegal uses for dreamshare exist, she has to find her own moral guidelines in criminal work (i like the hc that Arthur helps her be more selective than a newbie would typically be allowed to be. helps her vet jobs and keep from getting in over her head/beholden to someone. it just seems like something he would do. and mbe his reputation needs a little repair after however long he ran w an increasingly unstable and unreliable Dom Cobb, but if ppl like Eames are still calling him the best pointman he must have enough clout to help Ari get some good jobs). for myself, i think even if there are legit jobs Ari would choose to stay on the illegal side of things anyway, at least at first. she’s addicted to the limitation-free aspect of it, and, in the proud tradition of geniuses and prodigies everywhere, she’s demonstrably bad at taking censure/advice. she has to make her own mistakes. not to mention, her own morals might be a lil wobbly anyway, from how easily and entitledly she invaded Dom’s privacy. like, it turned out to be for the best, but it was still kinda fcked up

anyway surprise i wasn’t working towards any sort of point but i can’t stop thinking abt this movie and my family’s sick of hearing about it. thanks for reading. vote

[commander-frostii]

Quick Messy GSG Collab Doll Review

some people apparently have shit takes on the GSG collab dolls and i got pissy so i’m here to drop some analysis top 1% takes one mil club only lets get it

Angelica

angelica is solid on base stats alone, her RoF is only average but her FP and Accuracy are both solid A+ even before her SPEQ boosting her FP by an extra 5 points. also LOL 30% CRIT RATE. her buff tiles are numerically a bit shallow but still really sweet, you basically get 10% FP for free on your AR teammates and 20% accuracy can make a huge difference in clear speed at night, especially in high-difficulty combat against strelet hordes etc 

but then there’s her fucking skill. sweep mode’s weakness is inconsistency in damage output due to random targeting so what if you just didn’t have random targeting? i’m sorry, is a 100% RoF buff not good enough for you? what about a 12% FP buff that just happens for free at the start of a battle and refreshes every 10 seconds? it’s almost like she has two different self-buff skills. 

angelica’s weird to compare straight across to other ARs because of the offset between her buffs, it’d be more realistic to compare her damage output over 10 seconds, but i’m not currently interested in doing that level of math. back of the napkin calculations suggest that her DPS during sweep mode is comparable to AK-12′s and AR-15′s, and she has somewhat better uptime than AK-12 (but not better than AR-15). this should put her very obviously in the A-class or better for ARs. 

Henrietta

The last sentence of Henrietta’s skill says “For every stack of Evasion mark, grants self an additional +15 HP Shield.”

Henrietta’s got decent base stats, 950 HP is good and 83 Eva is great; her offensive stats are pretty nice as well, nothing outstanding but every point of accuracy goes a long way for SMGs. Her buff tiles are weirdly placed but pretty serviceable, encouraging use of a b-formation; 12% FP 20% accuracy are also welcome buffs for both ARs and SMGs, if a bit pedestrian.

Her skill is a bit complicated so let me try to break it down: Henreitta starts combat with a shield that basically absorbs the first attack that would normally hit her for 8 seconds, and her stats ramp up every two seconds based on whether or not she has her shield - if she’s dodged every hit so far, she gets +30% FP; if the shield is down, she gets +20% Eva. Each of these buffs can stack up to 3 times, and they last for 5 seconds. 

Her active skill refreshes her shield; if she has any Damage buff stacks, she also gains 20% RoF for each one; if she has any Evasion buff stacks, her shield is 15 HP stronger. That can actually be a pretty big deal, as a 25-HP shield can take two attacks from certain enemies, and a 55-HP shield (from 3 Evasion stacks) can take two attacks from most enemies. It’s only a small boost to her survivability, but it’s definitely something!

I don’t think Henrietta shines as a main tank, though - her off-center positioning, her SPEQ which is an accuracy-boosting silencer, and the massive potential power behind her offensive buffs if she doesn’t lose her shield, all give her a pretty shockingly high DPS rating at the 5-second mark - +90% FP, +40% RoF, and a respectable crit chance backed up by a solidly above-average accuracy for an SMG. You could build a team around boosting her stats as high as possible if you wanted, but honestly I don’t even think that’s necessary; I think she’s just a solid workhorse offtank that can be used in pretty much any ARSMG effectively, with some potential defensive niche if you wind up having to put her in the front lines. 

Rico

Rico’s the one everybody already knows is good. She has unremarkable, but serviceable base stats that give her respectable DPS potential compared to other burst RFs, and one of those scary critical-scaling RF skillshots that also amps her DPS by 15% per stack while it’s charging. Oh, and it also does up to half of its original damage in AOE sounding the target, just for funsies. 

To get a sense of her potential power, we’ll compare her to TAC-50, the first doll to bring a critical-scaling skillshot into the game, who can OHK Judge with a specialized echelon.  TAC-50′s skillshot deals 4.5x damage at its strongest charge - which is the same as RIco’s, if you add both hits at full power together - but TAC-50 has the advantage of a whopping 25 points of extra FP, which makes her skillshot at base about 17% more powerful.

To make up for this, Rico: 

does 33% of her total damage in an area around her target

has no aim time

begins charging when the battle starts and has an ICD of 4 seconds, meaning she can fire at 66% power as early as 4 seconds or at 100% power as early as 6 seconds (compared to TAC-50 firing at half power at 5 seconds in or full power at 10 seconds)

improves her DPS while she’s holding skill charges

still benefits from her FP buff when her skill goes off, meaning she has a +45% FP buff active (improving her “base” damage from 130 to 188)

has a SPEQ cape that improves her critical damage by a terrifying 45%, almost double that of a normal critical cape

So, yeah, Rico is the best skillshot doll in the game, and it isn’t even close. It’s frankly fucking unfair. The only downside I can really think of to using Rico is that her skill targets the furthest enemy -- which isn’t always the one you want, and may necessitate careful timing to ensure that she lands her damage on the appropriate target. Rico’s damage being split into two hits can also interact weirdly with armored targets, or bosses with forcefields, so beware.

Claes

Claes is a peculiar MG for a few reasons. There are two red flags right away: her lowest-in-class FP stat of 79, and her very poor base clip size of 8. Unlike her predecessor Alma, Claes doesn’t get a SPEQ to improve her clip size; she just has to work with what she’s got. MGs are defined by their ability to burst enemies before they have a chance to fight back, and Claes clearly isn’t very good at that. 

If you’ll allow me some dramatics, however, I don’t think judging Claes by the mundane standards of other MGs is at all appropriate. Claes is designed to solve a very different problem. 

Let’s cover her SPEQs first: they all have the exact same stat footprints, giving her 50% crit rate, 8 FP, and 5 accuracy when maxed out - which should terrify you immediately. This is a crit scope combined with an EOT, on an MG that desperately wants to equip both at once. Claes is rocking a potential pre-fairy pre-formation accuracy stat of 40, which is incredible for an MG, and not having to choose between salvaging her FP or dramatically amping her crit rate is a massive boon to her damage potential, as well. It’s not enough to make her compete with Big 4 damage numbers... yet... 

But Claes’ skill prevents her from attacking normally at the start of combat. She will wait until her skill is activated - she has a 0s ICD, so she can start whenever, but obviously she’s quite lackluster to begin with. At full power, her damage output (3244 average damage per link per clip) massively outpaces MG5 (2287) and PKP (2226, but varies and scales much harder with crit damage boosts), but that requires her to charge for a full 10 seconds before firing, and during that time you basically have 4 dolls in your echelon. From the traditional view of MGs, the “kill them before they kill you” view, this is unacceptable.

Claes is not designed to be used this way. Claes is designed to be used in mixed teams, where she can deal massive amounts of burst damage at a specific moment, after certain enemies have been dealt with. She would excel in situations where other MGs would struggle, such as:

Bossing, when opportunities to deal damage are sometimes very short and dealing extended DPS is difficult (think Architect, Gaia, Mercurows/Nimogen)

Dealing with stingers in powerful mixed echelons (Doppels/Uhlans hiding behind Strelets, Manticores behind Scouts/Guards, Hydras behind Cyclops, etc) 

Easily clearing DPS checks (Nimogen/Mercurows/other Paradeus bosses)

Baiting and shredding powerful melee enemies (Roarers, etc) 

When viewed from the perspective of an otherwise functional 4-man mixed team - specifically RFSG - Claes’ potential as a burst damage option select suddenly makes a lot more sense. Her low FP doesn’t matter as much when she’s making regular use of her charging mechanic; her high base Accuracy becomes a lot more appealing since you might actually be able to hit evasive enemies in night battles. Her full-charge burst is enough that she can potentially shred hydra deathstacks or other dangerous enemies with only a little help from armor-piercing allies, and her selection of supportive SPEQs let her choose buffs that help her teammates do their jobs while she’s waiting for the right moment to strike. Need to tank some up-front damage? Optical Glasses give you a small shield that absorb a single hit for you. Need to make sure your allies are killing targets quickly enough? Celestial Meteor gives them a modest boost to their FP. Or are you just worried about Claes’ own damage output? Not to worry; Wristwatch gives her a single extra shot - which can sometimes be the difference between life and death. 

I know that I’m pushing a very hypothetical narrative here, but I’ve been pleading on the stars for an MG like Claes for a long time - an MG that serves a tactical niche in a mixed team, rather than being a limited one-dimensional stat check. If you’re looking for a solid workhorse-type MG to kill big groups of enemies without thinking about it, look elsewhere. 

Triela

Triela is an absolutely fascinating offensive shotgun.

Defensively speaking, she’s... fine. Her base HP and armor are definitely on the low side, but they’re not horrible. Offensively speaking, she has some serious weaknesses, too; her base RoF is actually quite bad, and her accuracy is better than it could be, but it could also be quite a bit better. Her firepower is quite high, though; 35 is well above average, and only doesn’t stand out more because of certain outliers (looking at you KS-23) warping the range. She has a nice and serviceable formation buff and happens to provide buffs to an MG directly behind her, which opens her up to safer formation placement in a mixed team, were you so inclined. 

What makes Triela interesting is the combination of her skill effect and her SPEQ. Triela’s SPEQ is “buckshot” that also gives her 25% crit strike chance, letting her capitalize more on SG’s naturally good crit rate, as well as the +15 FP +22% crit damage you’d get from a standard buckshot. 

Triela’s skill effect comes in two parts; the active portion is relatively straightforward: +80% FP (a lot!) and +6 movespeed (equivalent speed to an SMG) for 8 seconds, resulting in an 8/8 uptime pattern, which is far from ideal but certainly better than it could be. Needing to wait 8 seconds for her full power definitely hampers Triela’s effectiveness, but that’s true of all offensive shotguns right now, except for AA-12, who is cheating. 

More interesting is her passive skill component: when there’s an enemy within 2 meters (knockback distance), she switches to using her bayonet to attack. She deals double damage, attacks 50% more frequently, and doesn’t have to reload - but only hits a single target. With an EOT and her SPEQ equipped, this gives her effectively 100 FP, 25 accuracy, 33 RoF, and a 65% crit rate with 172% critical damage - stats you could roughly compare to an RF. She wouldn’t be a good RF, certainly, but that’s the tradeoff for having 1200 HP and up to 32 base armor. With her skill active, of course, she reaches a much more exciting 180 FP! Now we can do some real damage!

Triela suffers from the same weaknesses that plague all offensive SGs: poor uptime, and the loss of damage potential when dummy links are lost. Because of that, building around her as a primary damage dealer is almost certainly a lost battle from the beginning. Building around her damage potential will just result in a slower, less tanky SPAS-12, though not having to reload does help her out a bit. 

Honestly, I think Triela’s more built to be used as an off-tank, the way we use SMGs like Henrietta and Vector. Triela would excel at dealing with Dragoons and ELIDs, for example - powerful enemies that need to come in close range to deal damage, but won’t just destroy Triela immediately without giving her a chance to at least try to fight back (don’t use her against Hydras). This gives her some interesting potential in the way she can be used... but I don’t see a clear niche where she will excel over any other SG, in the same way I can for Claes. 

At least she’s better off than Dana, rip in kill. 

[eat-the-richard]

Why Super Mario Sunshine is kind of bad (and how to fix it)

It’s safe to say that in our current hellscape that there are few games in the Mario franchise with as strong of a following online than Super Mario Sunshine. And how could it not? It’s so unique and fun that most people could probably have a good time with it. But it’s interesting to note just how much this perspective has changed over time. 

When Sunshine came out it was considered by some to be the black sheep of the series. Or at the very least a noticeable step down from 64. There’s quite a lot wrong with Mario Sunshine. While there’s a great game at the core of this thing, there’s certainly a few miles of paint-like goop to sift through.

What’s frustrating is that a lot of these problems could have been solved with just a bit more development time. Mario Sunshine was rushed. This can be observed even without prior knowledge, but it becomes plainly evident when you look at some of the prerelease videos. In some instances it doesn’t even resemble the final product. Even at E3 2002, just three months before launch, there are a lot of noticeable differences to the final product.

Because of this rushed development, a lot of corners needed to be cut to pad out the game’s relatively lacking amount of content. The result is a game that is fun and well designed in some instances but a complete and utter disaster in others. 

The issues plaguing Mario Sunshine were emblematic of a Nintendo-wide issue. At the start of the GameCube’s life, many prominent franchises were rushed along development to meet strict deadlines to fill out the console’s thinning library and boost sales. The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker is a textbook example. A lot of people had issues with that one too when it came out. Despite some clearly dumb points about the game’s art style, there’s definitely a lot to say about how Wind Waker pads out limited content. Doesn’t that sound familiar?

Thankfully, in 2013, the Wind Waker received an HD rerelease for the Wii U. Alongside a hefty visual overhaul, there were many under the hood changes to make the game an overall smoother experience stemming directly from those 2003 critiques. Sailing is made way simpler and faster in this version and the Tingle-inspired back-half of the game is shortened significantly. These two changes alone make this version superior, at least to me.

In the years since, I believed that Sunshine could have benefited from a rerelease similar to Wind Waker. Not necessarily in terms of its visuals (which I think have held up rather well) but in terms of its structure. Some small changes to the way Sunshine progresses could really benefit it overall, and I believed, erroneously, that it was only a matter of time before it received this treatment.

But we live in a post-3D All Stars world, and Nintendo’s response is clear. They believe Mario Sunshine is perfectly fine as is. Just touch up some of the textures, give it a resolution increase, and you got yourself a solid product. And yeah, its still pretty fun like this. But its hard to look past the missed potential in refining some of Sunshine’s rougher edges.

Which is what I plan to outline in this video. If I were to be given the reigns to nosedive Nintendo’s current plans to revamp a 2002 GameCube game, what would I change? After a suitable amount of complaining, I’ll discuss a fan project that comes close to doing what I think Nintendo should do.

So sit back, relax and let me refresh your body and spirit.

The first changes I’d make have to do with the frame rate. It’s evident that Super Mario Sunshine was supposed to be a 60 frames-per-second game. Some prerelease footage even shows as much. But somewhere late in development, the framerate was capped at 30, making it the only 3D Mario Game post-64 to not reach 60. Using Gecko codes, it’s possible to unlock the framerate and play at a pretty consistent 60. It’s so consistent that it starts raising the question of why Nintendo didn’t implement this into the Switch rerelease. This code isn’t emulator exclusive either, it also works pretty well when used on Wii consoles. Also, a hypothetical rerelease using the source code wouldn’t even have to deal with this anyway. But it’s good that the game works so well like this even without more structural changes. I don’t really need to explain the benefit of an increased framerate, so strike that one down.

And with that out of the way, it’s time to outline the biggest change my hypothetical Mario Sunshine remaster would make. One seemingly small but with major ramifications towards the rest of the game. But first, some background.

Super Mario 64 took a pretty big risk back in 1996 by significantly changing the main objective of playing a platformer. It was no longer about clearing a level. You aren’t going through these areas to reach an end point. The objective is now to find certain major collectibles, in this case power stars. But the game doesn’t want you to collect all of them. I’ve heard a lot of discourse recently about the boot-out system, but even when I was a kid I realized that 64 kicked you out of every level not just to pad out game length but to keep you moving around the castle. 

64 is always inviting you to explore new areas with a constant trickle of new content the more total stars you collect. At first, the amount of stars needed to unlock a new level are small. The first area of the castle has every level besides Bob-omb’s Battlefield locked behind a small star total. And the amount needed to progress onto the next full area with five more major levels is only 8. But these star totals gradually increase over time, requiring 30, 50, and finally 70 stars to unlock new content. But what stars you got never mattered, just how many in total. This allows for free exploration where the player doesn’t have to think about where their next objective is. For instance, exploring pretty much every cardinal direction of Lethal Lava Land will lead you in the direction of a star. And because it doesn’t matter which star you get, it allows players to choose how long they invest in each level. Are the constant treks up Tall Tall Mountain or Rainbow Ride annoying you? Well all those stars are completely optional, you just have to compensate by completing more of the other levels. It’s an ingenious system that allows for a lower total amount of levels to feel more rewarding.

Super Mario Sunshine is practically begging to be like this. In fact, for the first few hours, that’s exactly how it works. New levels are unlocked progressively through getting Shines. But it doesn’t work in quite the same way. These shine totals are never outlined to the player. It shows you that you’ll eventually be able to use the Rocket Nozzle and has objects like the pineapple blocking Sirena Beach to make you yearn for a Yoshi. But you’re not told when these things are to be unlocked; it just sort of happens. Which is fine, it definitely makes the game feel more mysterious. But it lacks that forward momentum of 64 where your end goal is always simple and in the back of your mind. Oh, I need 30 stars to unlock this big door. Sunshine doesn’t have this despite literally operating in the same way. But it still maintains the ability to slowly unlock content to players through playing more of the game, which is good. And importantly, which stars you get for these gates aren’t important, just that you’re getting them at all. And if the game stuck to this principle, that would’ve been great.

Except it didn’t.

After the rocket nozzle is unlocked and Pianta Village becomes accessible, your total amount of Shines is never relevant again. Instead, game progression is contingent upon completing mission 7 of every level. Not every shine is valued the same according to the game. The progression is far more linear than in 64. You can no longer choose to avoid the Chuckster mission. Or the Sand Bird mission. Or the teeth cleaning mission. Or racing Il Piantissimo three times. Or fighting Gooper Blooper three times. Or fighting Petey Pirahna twice. Or defeating these same Piranha Plant Gatekeepers five times. Or even chasing down and squirting on Shadow Mario E L E V E N T I M E S. There’s a lot of repetition here which would’ve been eased simply by allowing the player to avoid doing these missions wherever possible. 64 had similar situations of reused content, but it’s not as egregious when there’s no incentive to collect stars you don’t want to. 

This structure is also weird because there’s a ton of extra missions in this game. Some of the game’s most, err, fun segments are hidden away in Delfino Plaza. These can be some pretty time-consuming tasks. You know what I’m talking about. But that’s not all. Every course also has some bonus shines. Every secret stage has an additional Red Coin challenge. There’s some “cleverly” hidden shines even within certain missions. There’s even a mission 8 to every level. Every level also has a 100 coin mission which, just to get it out of the way, should absolutely not spawn the shine somewhere 100 feet away from you AND boot you out of the level upon collection AND not be possible in every mission. Like c’mon, Mario 64 got this right on the first try. So Nintendo went out of their way to put all these extra shines in the game, and yet none of them matter towards game completion. Which makes me wonder what the point of completing them is supposed to be?

All this extra content, regardless of quality, would benefit from a system similar to Mario 64. In its current state, there’s not much of a reason to even bother with these extra missions, especially when some of them are of questionable quality. On that same token, there’s some pretty fun missions hidden in this extra content, and it’s a shame that they aren’t more important.

Well, with that...  

B L U E    C O I N S

I almost forgot about you!

Blue Coins are pretty despised. But in concept they’re pretty smart to put in a game like this. It’s kind of like the Red Coins but on a broader scale. They’re packed into every little tiny corner of the levels, giving players more of a reason to explore the pretty environments. And once you collect 10 of them, you get a Shine Sprite from the local beavers. If these Blue Coin shines counted towards a grand total for game completion, Blue Coins could give players a nice buffer to replace some of the games more questionable missions. But just like all of the extra content, Blue Coins matter not one iota towards finishing the game. So, the only reason to collect Blue Coins at all is if you wanted to collect them all.

And that’s precisely why people hate them. Because collecting all the Blue Coins is an absolute nightmare. Let’s not even talk about how cryptic some of these coins are because honestly I’ll be here all day. Let’s instead talk about how impossible it is to know how close you are to getting every Blue Coin in a level. You can intuit through previous levels that it caps out at 30 per level, but the game never tells you that. There’s obviously no Blue Coin tracker like there is for shrines in Breath of the Wild, so if you’re frantically darting around Noki Bay looking for the one coin you missed that's hidden inside a wall for some reason, you’ve only got GameFaqs and Jesus to help you at that point. 

To top it all off, just like the 100 coins missions, it’s impossible to get every Blue Coin in every mission in a level. Some blue coins are exclusive to certain missions. And it’s impossible to know how many are exclusive, which ones are exclusive, how many exclusives you’ve gotten, how many exclusives you need. Must I continue? This process is a disaster and gives Blue Coins a bad name. If they were put in a game like Mario 64, I feel like these things would have much more of a positive reputation. But as it stands these things are so toxic they’ve been reduced to POW switch fodder in later games. 

I think Blue Coins summarize the issue with the extra content pretty succinctly. In a game like Mario 64, they’re harmless. But in a game where none of it is tied to beating the final level, the only purpose they have is 100% completion. And 100% completion should never be the focus of 3D Platformers. Some players prefer playing to completion but there’s a reason why most don’t. Fully completing a game is a soul commitment as much as it is a time commitment. It’s saying to yourself that I am willing to go through all the unfinished, janky, and cryptic content Mario Sunshine has to offer all for the extensive reward of… a different end screen. So yeah, there is no reason to get 100% of Mario Sunshine’s content. Even completionists are going to be disappointed. Not only is this content useless towards Any%, it’s aggravating for 100%, since fully completing the game is so unrewarding. 

So, how do we fix this issue? Well to do that, let’s take a look at a mod that, in my opinion, does exactly that: Super Mario Sunburn, made by Epicwade.

The biggest change Sunburn makes is in its requirements for completion. Rather than Bowser being locked behind completing the seven Shadow Mario shines, the door to Corona Mountain is opened when the player attains 70 shines overall. If you recall, that’s the exact same amount 64 requires of the player to reach the final level. This change, by itself, adjusts Sunshine more towards what I would like it to be. But if you’re crazy enough to prefer the previous mode of completion, it’s still there as an option.

That’s not all, though. Now, when you collect a Shine, you’re no longer booted out of the level, and instead are simply asked to save and then you’re free to explore the rest of the level. My feelings on this essentially boil down to which mission I’m playing. I think the first two shines of Bianco Hills show this working pretty much perfectly. You squirt on the gatekeeper to get the first shine and then you’re immediately free to go forward and fight Petey Piranha. This feels far more natural than having to get booted out after the first shine and make the entire trip through the first half of Bianco Hills just to get back to where you just were. So in this case, it’s a positive.

However, Sunshine very often changes its course layout per mission. And when that happens, it feels a bit unnecessary to have to boot out of a level manually and boot back in just to get the next event to trigger. Sometimes you can chain getting a bunch of shines out in the open with a secret stage which resets the level upon entering the newly placed warp pipe at the end of it. But otherwise you’re stuck pausing and exiting. I feel this issue may be able to be streamlined by doing something like Mario Odyssey does, where collecting certain Moons boot you to the beginning of the level with the new mission unlocked. This might be outside of the reach of Sunshine modding at the moment, though.

This isn’t the only change set to make Sunshine more open. One of my favorite parts of the original game was that you could see other levels whenever you looked around. Turning at the start of Bianco Hills and being able to see not only Delfino Plaza but also the yet to be unlocked Ricco Harbor and Pinna Park was fascinating to me when I first played it. Sunburn takes this concept one step further by allowing players to travel from stage to stage. For instance, taking the river in Bianco Hills spits you out Ricco, and climbing a vine in Ricco allows you to travel back. This is a pretty novel idea and definitely makes replaying the game an entirely different experience, especially when combined with the lack of boot out. It does lose me a bit in how it necessitates for every level to be unlocked at the start. As I mentioned previously, slowly unlocking stages to the player by collecting whatever collectible they’re using allows for 3D Platformers to have constant forward momentum, which is lost here. But for those who’ve already played the game I think this is a fun option.

Other quality of life changes are strictly positives. In most instances, Blue Coins are now accessible from any mission in a level. I say most because it’s impossible for some of these coins to make the transition. But in the vast majority of cases, it’s been done. More coins have been added to each stage, along with Red Coins counting as collecting two coins just like in 64. This makes getting 100 coins a lot easier, especially when you’re doing multiple missions of a stage in a row. Two of the game’s weakest sections become far more manageable with these changes. There’s some smaller changes too, like being able to skip cutscenes, Blue Coins no longer bringing up a save screen, and Shadow Mario’s invisible health bar being restored. There’s also new content here, with additional secret stages being accessible from the main courses. Nothing mind-blowing, but it’s at least pretty neat to run around Outset Island as a FLUDD-strapped Mario.

Super Mario Sunburn addresses a lot of my issues with the original version, which was exactly the point. I’m not the first to bring up these issues, nor will I be the last. There’s so much potential within Super Mario Sunshine to be one of the best examples of its genre, so to see it fall short in such fundamental areas is undeniably frustrating. As usual with Nintendo, and even with other publishers, it’s often the community that sees itself to correct the issues with the games they feel deeply passionate about. Basically the only difference between Sunburn and an official Sunshine remake or remaster would be a significant layer of polish. That still might happen, but I’m not holding my breath at this point. So if you find yourself feeling similarly as I do about Sunshine, it might be worth it to check Super Mario Sunburn out. Here’s the download link again if you’re curious.

[walterdecourceys]

happy belated holidays, @stubbornness-and-spite ! i was you secret santa & i've written a Thing !

gonna go ahead & tag @sanderssidesgiftxchange so that they see this

link to read on ao3

or read it under the cut:

“Hypothetically, what would I do if my attic was contaminated with ghosts?”

Logan adjusted his glasses and stared up at the man that had just walked into his office. “I’m sorry?”

“Ghosts. In my attic. What would you suggest?” The man fluffed up his dirty blonde hair and looked at Logan inquisitively.

“Sir, while I’d love to help you with your… ghosts, you can’t just storm in here without an appointment. Do you know the number of people we get in here every day? You’re probably holding up quite a few people who have been waiting for weeks to speak with me.”

“I’m not, actually! I talked to the lovely old ladies in the lobby, and told them my story and all, and they were nice enough to let me go first! They said that ‘if that man has any sense, he’ll give you the proper advice and send you on your way very quickly.’”

“Well I don’t know what kind of advice you want, sir. I don’t know what the problem is.”

“My attic is contaminated with ghosts,” the man repeated.

“Well yes, I heard that. Would you like to be more specific? How do you know about this infestation, what would you like me to do about it, do you think you know these ghosts…”

“I heard these very strange noises- and not like normal strange noises, like ‘oh that’s a weird noise but it’s probably just the neighbors’ strange- like properly strange. They sounded like children’s voices? Which was weird, because we don’t have children in our house and the two couples next to us don’t have children either, they live alone. Very sweet, though. One of them made cookies for me once, and they weren’t nearly as good as Patton’s but they were probably a close second. Don’t tell him I said that though. He gets very touchy about his ba-”

“While this all sounds very interesting, I would prefer if you stayed on topic, Mister…”

“Baker. Roman Baker.”

“Right. Well, Mister Baker, please focus on the topic at hand.”

“Of course.” Roman took a drink from his water bottle. “So, I checked with Patton- Patton is my husband- and he said that he had heard the children’s voices too, and it sounded like they were coming from the attic. So we went up to the attic, and we didn’t see anything, but the children’s voices were definitely stronger. There were three, I think? Yeah. Three. Anyways, I went downstairs to google what if means if there are children’s voices in your attic, and google said it meant ghosts, so then I googled what I should do about that, and google said to go to a professional who specializes in ghosts, so then I googled the nearest professional who specializes in ghosts, and-”

“I think I get the point, Mister Baker, thank you.”

“Um. You’re welcome?”

Logan took off his glasses and rubbed his forehead. “Alright. Here’s what I’m going to do, Mister Baker. I will go over to your house. I will check to see if there really are ghosts in your attic, and if so, I will help you deal with them. If not, I am going to leave your house and I am not coming back.”

“Yes, sir!” Roman gave him a mock salute. “I’ll show you to my house, it’s not a far walk.”

 

So that was how Logan ended up Roman’s attic, eating slightly melted chocolate chip cookies and talking to ghost children.

Roman’s apparently-not-technically-his-husband (“we don’t have plans to get married, we don’t want the fuss,” Patton had explained. “Roman’s just dramatic.”) was standing next to him, watching pretty much everything Logan did with awe. Roman was on Logan’s other side, not paying attention to Logan at all and instead flipping through what looked like an old family photo album.

Roman had actually ended up being correct: There were ghosts in his attic, and they were the ghosts of three children. Logan had performed his typical summoning spells and the ghosts were now visible and much easier to hear, but that didn’t mean they were easy to talk to. So far, the only thing that Logan had been able to figure out was that they had died together, and that one of them blamed their death on the other two (although the other two denied this vehemently). He hadn’t even been able to get their names.

The tallest ghost in room, as well as the most talkative one, was explaining in detail how it felt to die. Logan was mostly trying to tune this out- it was far to early to be having an existential crisis about this sort of thing. He was more focused on getting the other two to talk, although they didn’t seem to want to.

“Look, uh- what did you say your name was?”

“Remus!”

“Look, Remus. I’m sure that dying feels very strange, and I understand that you want to tell me about it. But would you mind pausing your story for a moment so that I can talk to your other…. friends?”

“No.”

“No? What do you mean, no?”

“I mean, JayJay and VeeVee don’t wanna talk! I’m talking for them.”

“....I see. How do you know what they want to say?”

“I don’t know 100% for sure, but I know that JayJay usually wants to say something like ‘I don’t trust you and I think you’re gonna try to kill us again,’ and then VeeVee says ‘you can’t die twice idiot,’ and then JayJay says-”

“Thank you, I think I get the picture.” Logan rubbed his head and then turned to Roman and Patton, who were watching him with concerned expressions. “I am going to have a brief meeting with my- colleagues- about this situation. Will you two be okay up in the attic until we come back?”

“Hey, we survived five years in here alone,” said the ghost in the purple hoodie. “We’ll probably be fine. Unless Jan tries to kill us.”

“I couldn’t kill you, we’re already dead!” protested the third ghost. “That’s not how dying works, you moron.”

“See, I was right,” Remus said cheerfully. “But yes, I think we will be okay!”

Logan nodded and headed downstairs, motioning for the other two to follow him.

“Look,” he said once they were all standing in the kitchen. “I don’t think these ghosts can easily be rehabilitated.”

“Re-ha-what? Isn’t rehabilitation for like…. yknow, criminals?” Patton chimed in from where he’s standing by the stove.

“No. Well yes, but that’s not what I meant here. Christ, you two don’t seem to know anything about ghosts. Anyway. In this business rehabilitation refers to moving the ghosts to an empty house or building where they can live in peace and not bother the living. However, judging by these ghosts’ deminor, and the fact that they’re children, I highly doubt that will be a possibility.”

“So what do you suggest we do, then?” Roman asked.

“Well. There’s always the option of, um.” Logan lowered his voice. “Killing the ghosts. Well not killing per se, but there are…. methods. To get rid of them.”

“That’s horrible!” Patton cried. “They’re kids!”

“I never said I liked it, Patton, just that it was a possibility.”

“Well is there anything else we could do? I don’t know if they’d like being in the attic forever… and oh no, what if we move? Or die? What’ll happen to them then? We can’t just-”

“Hey.” Roman placed a hand on Patton’s shoulder. “We’ll figure it out, kay?”

Patton smiled weakly back at his boyfriend, then looked back at Logan. “What do you suggest we do, then?”

Logan sighed. “I suppose there’s always the option of… fostering the ghosts.”

“Fostering?”

“Yes. A situation in which adult living beings help to take care of undead children. They don’t need to eat or sleep or… do anything, really, but they’re still children and still need parental guidance. If someone were to foster them, they’d check in on them daily, make sure they’re doing okay and have enough entertainment, that sort of thing.”

Patton’s eyes lit up. “Roman! We could be parents!”

“I- that does sound… really nice, actually.” Roman smiled. “Would you be helping us?” He asked, nodding at Logan.

Logan blinked. “What?”

“Will you be helping us to foster the ghosts?”

“I- I mean obviously, I’ll get you all set up with the papers and make sure everything’s set up-”

“That’s not what I meant. Will you be helping us take care of the ghosts?”

Logan paused, flustered. Roman wanted him to help? Hadn’t they just met?

Or, alternatively, Roman didn’t want him to help and was trying to figure out weather Logan felt the same way. Well if that was the case, good. Logan definitely didn’t want to have to deal with those annoying ghost children every day, or Roman and his bouncy boyfriend/fiance/person.

Right. He totally didn’t care about them. He totally didn’t think that they were cute. At all.

“I, uh. Only if you want me to, Mister- Roman.”

“I do want you to! But, ah. Only if it’s not a bother to you.”

“I do have, uh. Work, and things like that.” Logan pushed up his glasses. “But, I suppose…. I could always ask for some time off. To help you with your endeavors.”

Patton stifled a squeal. “Oh, you would? Thank you, that’d be really- really nice.”

“Yes. Well. I am known for being nice,” Logan joked. “Um, how about I start by coming over at 4 pm every Tuesday? To start, at least.”

Both Roman and Patton beamed. “That sounds lovely.”

 

_______

 

So that was how Logan ended up taking care of three of the most stubborn ghost children he’d ever met.

He started, as he had promised he would, by coming over every at 4 PM every Tuesday. At first he just stayed for an hour before heading back to work. He’d come in, eat cookies and chat with Patton, then go upstairs and ask the ghosts how they were doing. Usually this last part lead to Logan storming out with a headache, but he got used to it.

The ghosts were actually quite sweet, once they started to trust Logan more. They were rather insightful, for seven year olds, even though they kept stopping every two seconds to argue with each other.

He taught all of them how to play chess, although only Janus seemed really into it. He asked them about their former families and lives (who were all dead now, unfortunately) and let Virgil cry on his shoulder. And when they were ready, he helped them find the skeletons of their old bodies and taught Remus about how to keep them safe and clean.

He really was starting to get attached to them, wasn’t he.

And there were… other reasons. That Logan kept staying longer. But those didn’t matter right now.

By the time a couple months had gone by Logan was coming over practically every day after work and spending hours at the house. It got to the point that he even slept over a few times, although only when it was absolutely necessary and he couldn’t drive home because it was too dark. Obviously.

He was starting to get closer to Patton and Roman as well. He learned that Patton worked at a bakery, but that he wanted to start up his own company. That Roman did acting at a local theater and was hoping to make it big in Broadway, although he mostly dismissed it as a silly dream. That they were actually quite excited about the ghosts, because they’d always wanted kids of their own. That they were both trans, something Logan was very excited to discover they had in common.

Unfortunately, Logan’s boss wasn’t a fan of how he was starting to spend his time. She told him that if he was going to keep spending his time, quote, “playing with bratty ghost children instead of exterminating them,” he would be fired, or at the very least demoted.

Obviously this was a bit of a problem.

Logan didn’t want to leave his job. It payed well, he liked the work, and his coworkers were friendly enough. But… honestly, if given the choice between staying with Roman, Patton and the ghosts and continuing to work… he’d choose the ghosts.

So he quit. Well, technically his boss called him in to her office to fire him, but he handed in his letter of resignation before she could say anything, so it was hard to tell who fired who, but the thought was still there.

He lived at his house for a while- there were enough ghosts in his neighborhood that necromancers were in high demand, even unemployed ones. But once Roman found out about his predicament he practically insisted that Logan move in with he and Patton, saying that there were far more ghosts in their town anyway and that they’d be honored to have him, really.

So he moved in with them. There were only two bedrooms, one for Patton and one for Roman (Roman had issues with touch, apparently) but that was okay because both Logan and Patton were willing to share a bed. The house was a bit small for three people plus ghosts, just in general, but no one ever seemed to mind sharing.

And so that was how it went, for a while. Logan lived with Roman and Patton, picking up odd jobs around the neighborhood and helping out Patton with his bakery. It was… good. Right. It felt like it was always supposed to be this way.

Which was why, when Roman and Patton asked to talk to him about something, he felt like he knew what is was going to be.

Which was why, when Roman and Patton admitted that they both had a crush on him, he knew that they were telling the truth. And he knew what they wanted.

They had barely even asked him “will you join our relationship” when Logan had said yes, and they were all laughing and smiling.

And when Patton and Roman both kissed him on the cheek, he knew that this was how he wanted to spend the rest of his life.

[valhallanrose]

Hey, nobody asked for it, but I did the entire NSFW alphabet for Zelda because I could and here it is on your dash. 

Under 18 don’t interact I’ll die

Anyway horny under the cut 

[A] Aftercare

So here’s the thing about Zelda: she’s got the stamina of someone twice her size. No matter what role her partner takes/she takes, unless she has been completely worn out, she’ll take care of the cleanup/

Her favorite way to relax with her partner afterwards (or between rounds, if they have the energy) is with their head on her chest, so she can wrap her arms around them and run her fingers through their hair. Especially so if their hair is longer - she’ll play with it until she passes out, hand still half woven into the hair at the nape of their neck.

Sometimes, if she’s really into her partner, she’ll weave illusions for them. The ceiling of her room is enchanted, done just so to mirror the stars outside, but she’ll add her own magic to the enchantment so she can pull the stars down to her level. The constellations coalesce, tiny strands of light dancing between her fingers and down her arms, letting her manipulate them into creatures from everywhere between the depths of the sea and the highest mountain’s peak. 

[B] Body Part (their favorite of theirs & their partner)

On herself - she likes her hips. Some of it is utility - balancing a basket is easy between her hand and hip and it’s convenient - and it’s the natural place her hands fall when she’s thinking or talking. But they’re also a good place to squeeze, with just enough softness to her to make it comfortable no matter why you’re clutching her hips.

On her partner - Zelda enjoys people’s hands. Not only for the pleasure they can provide, but also for the stories a person’s hands tell. She’ll take in the scars, the curves, the lines, whether your nails are manicured and well cared for or rough with ages of physical labor. No matter what, she’ll bring their hands to her lips, press a kiss to their knuckles and smile as she gives them a squeeze.

Also, if she’s bottoming and her partner (equipped with a strap or nature’s strap) holds her hand as they’re lining up? Oh my god, she fuckin’ dead

[C] Cum (anything to do with it)

She’s kinda neutral on this one? She doesn’t go wild for it but she doesn’t hate it

Please don’t cum on her face, that will have her nope out of the situation so fast (unless you’re afab in which the answer is please do she’ll feel like she did good)

Amab, just warn her and she’ll swallow instead

And if you want to cum on her, ask, because that’s not always something she’s into anyway. That has weird marking connotations for her. 

She’s more pleased to know that she’s the one who made you feel that good rather than seeing the cum itself

As for her, she eats a lot of fruit, so hers ends up tasting sweet above all else, so if you’re not a fan tough shit because she won’t stop eating her fruit

[D] Dirty Secret

Really wishes someone would just drag her into a private space, pin her up against the wall, and take her right there. Clothing removed beyond the necessary is optional. 

Like...full legs thrown over her partner’s arms, hips slapping together, having to bite down on her hand to keep from alerting anyone that she’s being absolutely railed in the shop’s backroom while loving every second of it. 

She’s normally a ‘soft and slow’ person but that’s been one of her fantasies for a long time and she’s never felt comfortable enough with a partner to ask them to do that

Zelda, you’re drooling, get it together this is only the fourth letter

[E] Experience

Not wildly experienced. I’d say, in any timeline, she’s only had maybe two partners that got to a point of sexual encounter. It’s not that she’s opposed to casual flings (she’s had one or two), she just doesn’t always click with people, and she needs that connection to feel attracted enough to engage in a sexual relationship of any kind.

[F] Favorite Position

Lotus, for sure

She likes riding/being on top but she really generally enjoys the connection of being able to see her partner, kiss them as much as she wants, press her forehead against theirs

But also she’s up for smothering someone in kisses while giggling if they squeeze her sides in a weird way that makes her feel ticklish and that’s easiest to do when you can face your partner

[G] Goofy (are they serious or humorous in bed)

Definitely goofy. She’ll laugh it off when bodies make a weird noise, crack jokes, and bonus points if you dish it back. 

Sex for her is about having a good time, and not just the pleasure aspect of it.

If you’re serious in bed go away her four-poster is for lighthearted sex only

[H] Hair

Definitely keeps things trimmed neatly, because she can’t stand the feeling of it getting long, nor can she even begin to tolerate the feeling of hair growing back after shaving it all off. She’s done that, she regretted it deeply. 

A little lighter than the hair on her head, and let’s be real she probably oils it because she likes being generally soft and also prepared for a hypothetical encounter

[I] Intimacy

Intimacy comes easier to her if you reciprocate, obviously

Spread across the act, from foreplay to aftercare

Lots of gentle touches and soft words of praise 

Feels most connected to someone during sex the more intertwined with them she is - hence why she likes the Lotus position. It’s easy to see them, watch their pleasure, press gentle kisses to their lips and face and smooth back their hair

In a relationship, it’s the most intense way she can show her care for her partner, given that she’s already quite physical

Please cuddle her after she just has so much love in her body for her partner and needs to express it

[J] Jack - off (masturbation hc)

Zelda usually has trouble getting off on her own, so this isn’t something she tries often, but her most successful effort involved a rather potent aphrodisiac and a dildo

With those + her fingers for clitoral stimulation? That’s probably the only time she successfully reached orgasm on her own

Which ties into her biggest kink/preference...

[K] Kink

Overstimulation. 

Since she can’t often climax on her own, and if her partner is willing, she’ll go until she drops

Especially with the combo of g-spot and clitoral stimulation, she’d die and go to heaven

Prefers to be 

Laid out beside her partner so she can kiss them with their hand between her thighs

Straddling their face and grabbing something, be it the headboard or some fixture on the wall

Or laying back on the bed, hands buried in her partner’s hair and her thighs hitched over their shoulder

Do not recommend a sixty-nine if you’re overstimulating her because she will get so into pushing her hips into your face she’ll kinda forget to reciprocate

[L] Location

Prefers to be somewhere private and comfortable, which usually means her home. Otherwise, she is content to have sex involving any surface in her house. 

Except for the shop display case, please don’t make her polish that thing more than she has to she’ll be so salty afterwards

[M] Motivation (turn ons etc)

Intelligence (big brain sexy)

Seeing someone blush

A hand on the small of her back or on her knee

Idle fingers tracing patterns on her thighs, innocently or not so

Someone she’s already attracted to smelling absolutely delectable

Kisses on the inside of her wrist will really get her

So will kissing her freckles

[N] NO (turn offs, deal breakers, things they wont do ever etc) 

Zelda’s only hard no is public sex, because she’s too noisy, but she’s willing to try almost anything at least once

She’s not into receiving pain (save for like, a smack on the ass/a bite/a hickey/etc) and not really into choking (also receiving) but just about anything else is fair game

[O] Orgasm Denial (how do they do it, do they like it done to them)

100% willing to give

Prefers oral as her tool of choice, but will alternate between mouth and hands to offer kisses as her partner settles down

Never cruel about it, always willing to relent if you use your safe word or ask her to let you cum

Really, really doesn’t like receiving

She doesn’t get to get off on her own and she’s not gonna deny herself guaranteed pleasure if she can help it

Will be a no unless she’s been with you long enough to know you won’t leave her high and dry

[P] Pace

Usually prefers softer and slower sex, mostly because she likes taking her time. However, if you’ve been teasing her all day? She will have you pinned to the door of your place or hers before it really has time to shut. 

[Q] Quickie (where, how often, do they like them)

Likes them, but has to be in the mood for them

She doesn’t really like feeling rushed when trying to enjoy herself and make sure her partner is too

However, a promise of a more thorough round later usually is enough to placate her

[R] Risk (experiments, do they like pushing themselves/their s/o)

She’ll try anything once, but don’t spring it on her in the middle of the act. She’d rather sit down with her partner and talk about it, maybe do some research, give her time to understand the best way to go about it and what they need to do it properly. She’s not really spur of the moment. 

However, positions? That she’ll try in a heartbeat. If Zelda could be described by one word, it would be curious.

[S] Stamina

Lots of stamina. Faster sex wears her out more, so her preferred slower pace is part of it, but she just generally has a lot of energy. Could go multiple rounds, and her partner’s recovery time just extends her stamina a bit more. 

Really shouldn’t have this much stamina but part of it comes from a lot of time doing physical work in the shop/her garden so whoops

Cold showers have been a useful tool when she just can’t settle down

[T] Toys (do they own any, do they use them, how often, where)

She has a few different styles of dildos and vibrators that she’s tried to see if she could find something for her that works, but nothing really does, so they’re all shoved in a box under her bed. 

Are aphrodisiacs applicable? Because she absolutely has and will experiment on her own with them, otherwise their involvement is up to her partner

[U] Unfair (how do they tease)

Really dependent on her partner and what she knows gets them going

Generally lots of subtle, under the table touches that could possibly be construed as a mishap

At least until she squeezes your thigh or skims her fingers far too high up for it to possibly be a mistake at all 

[V] Volume (how loud, what do they sound like, what sounds they make)

Very pretty sounds. She won’t get vocal unless her partner explicitly tells her it’s okay, and until then she’ll bite her hand or her lip to keep quiet. 

Not vulgar when she speaks during it - kinda polite, actually, paired with sighs of delight if you oblige any requests she makes (see below for examples if you desire)

“May I touch you here?”

“What are you doing? I can’t kiss you properly if - oh. Oh. No, please, keep going, I -” (cue some mild incoherent babble)

“Please, please, more”

“Yes, hah, right there - oh!”

[W] Wild Card (random NSFW hc)

She broke a headboard one time while riding someone’s face (grabbing onto it) and she’s never been able to look at one the same since

Sometimes in her post-overstimulated orgasm headspace she’ll thank her partner a couple times in this dreamy little voice and kiss the closest part of them she can reach without moving

If you’re overstimulating her, especially if you’ve been at it for a little bit, she’ll start to speak in her native dialect (Neviv/Nevivonic/whatever you hc Julian and Portia to speak. I believe it’s Russian sue me) \If you happen to speak it, she might just cum then and there 

[X] X - ray (what do they have going on under their clothes)

Usually doesn’t end up with matching undergarments but if she does you know she wants to get laid

Lots of lacy underthings and thin bralettes because full bras are The Devil, typically bright colors for fun

If she’s feeling really saucy, she’ll go with a full bralette/panties/garter belt/stockings combo just to really show off for her partner once the outer layers come off

Usually she just ends up laying around her house in nothing but her panties and knee socks that match in no other way but height and texture

She has a near perfect heart shaped birthmark, right where her inner left thigh meets her pelvis. She likes it, but teasing her about it or kissing it will make her both melt and go cherry red.

Fun fact: if you leave a hickey anywhere near it, that’ll get her going like nobody’s business

[Y] Yearning (how often to they think of sex, how long can they go without it etc)

She can go without it for a while, but she’s got a high sex drive, so she doesn’t want to

Sex really only comes to Zelda’s mind when her partner does something that really gets to her (see Motivations)

Willing to Yearn if she’s not sure the sexual feelings are reciprocated

[Z] Zzz (how quickly do they fall asleep, do they snuggle, etc) 

Very affectionate and very cuddly. Catch her with her forehead pressed to her partner’s, giggling a little as she rubs her nose against theirs, smiling into kisses and burying her face in their hair as she lets her hands wander idly. 

However, unless you’ve totally worn her out, don’t expect her to fall asleep right away. 

One time she cleaned the whole shop after masturbating at like four AM and she’s never gotten it that clean again

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #300

that’s a lot of time wasted, lmao

If you were a witch, which animal would be your familiar? Could I have like, a melanistic barn owl? That'd be dope. They're fuckin gorgeous. If there's a design on your shirt, what is it? Ha, speaking of owls... Would you ever visit a ghost town? MOTHERFUCKER would I. Bringing my camera, too. What would you do if you found out your life was only a simulation controlled by someone else? I have a very much Detroit: Become Human (phenomenal game, btw) outlook on this: I think, therefore I am. It honestly wouldn't affect me terribly. I sure would hate my creator though, jfc, lmao. What's the scariest thing you've accidentally found on the internet? Okay so there is this one video filmed by some guys who had this really strange, sulking guy in black stalking them, and it ends with the suspected murderer slinking over to the guys (who were by this point finding it almost funny, due to how the man was acting) and charging with a knife, I think, once he was very close. I believe the men were never found afterwards. It is SO goddamn unnerving. Is there anything bothering you right now? Not to be a Negative Nancy, but when isn't there lmao. Thinking of every Halloween costume you've had, which one was the most creative? I never had creative ones, really. What's the picture on your calendar for this month? I don't have a relevant calender, just old meerkat ones on a wall in my room. If you were a mythical creature, which would you be? As much as I love dragons, they're targeted too much in fantasy to kill, so let's not, haha. Being a dryad would be cool. Or druid. Either/or. If you were an animal, which would you be? A housecat, ig. Were you ever bullied when you were younger and how did you handle it? I consider myself very lucky to have not been. Have you ever thrown something away and then wanted it back? Okay so it's "deleted" versus "thrown away," technically, but there are two senior prom pictures in specific I desperately want back because fuck my low self-esteem, I look beautiful in them and so damn happy. I even tried Facebook restore programs that supposedly recovered all pictures you ever removed, but I couldn't salvage them. I'm still pissed about it, haha. What's one random city you want to visit? I don't have a specific city, per se. More so just countries in general. If you owned a store, what would you most likely sell? I think owning a pet supply store would be really cool, with some animals that are actually very well-cared for, unlike chain pet stores. I HATE those, vehemently. So unspeakably ignorant and neglectful. If you had a garden, what sort of plants would you grow? I don't want a garden, but hypothetically, I'd love orchids, dahlias, tiger lilies, a weeping willow tree, some strawberries... What's your favorite phase of the moon? Full, of course. What's the song for your life right now? I've felt extremely connected to Seether's "Weak" lately. Do you believe that when you die, you get to see all your loved ones again? I hope so... Who would you be the most excited to see? DO I ACTUALLY NEED TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION?????????? Do you enjoy reading National Geographic magazines? If I'm like, sitting in a waiting room and they're available, I'll go for them. Do you know anyone who's serving in the military right now? Welcome to the South, baby. The boys graduate, they're going straight for the military. I only have one real friend who was one but left tho because he fucking hated it. Does or did either of your parents serve in the military? No. Has anything in your house ever caught on fire? Not in this house, no. As a small child, did you ever feel as if you were different or weird? Absofuckinglutely. I have A LOT of bad memories of instances where I felt like "the weird kid." Can you say "happy birthday" in another language? Omg... I forgot the German phrase. Wow, I'm rusty. What subjects do you or did you get the worst grades in? Math. Do you have photos to go with all of the contacts in your phone? I don't have pictures that go with any. Who was the last person to comment on one of your photos on Facebook and how did you meet that person? I just checked, and it was my friend Summer. I met her because she was actually first friends with my younger sister in pre-k, but we grew closer than they did in our teen years. What career paths are you considering? I just want to be a photographer. So badly. But I've felt super, super discouraged lately. Do you watch music videos? I pretty much never do, but rather listen through the artists' Topic uploads or lyric videos. I don't generally like official music videos because they tend to have other sounds/parts/breaks/etc. in them that distract from the song. Have you ever clicked on those banner ads that promise a prize for clicking? Probably by accident at some point in time. What kind of computer are you using? Acer Nitro. What kind of computer do you wish you were using? I'm fine with what I have. Have you ever had a weight change so drastic you went to the doctor? .-. How cold does it have to be before you put on a sweater? Depends on how long I'll be outside, but in most situations, in the 50s. Do you eat things off the floor? Um, ew. Who do people say you look like? My sisters. Do you usually get your homework done on time? When I was in school, I was very serious about having my homework finished by the date it was due. Have you ever framed your old movie ticket stubs? I've kept some, but never framed any. Do you have a digital camera? A Canon, yeah. Have you ever stuck something inappropriate in an electrical outlet? Bitch I ain't tryna get electrocuted. How many days has it been since your last birthday? My b-day is actually coming up soon; the 5th of February. Do you want any more siblings than you have now? Well, considering both my parents (and stepmom) are in their 50s... How easily shocked are you? VERY. I am extremely jumpy and on edge at like all times. You like the color blue, don't you? I mean yeah. Particularly the lighter tints. Who was the last person who asked you something that made you think? My therapist REEEEAAAALLY makes me do this. She's an absolute pro at getting me to dig deep into myself. Ever fired a gun? No, and I don't want to. From 1-10, how would you rate your cooking skills? Is 0 an option? Do you notice the heat or the cold more? HEAT, JESUS FUCK. It can be one or two degrees above what I consider stable and I'll be sweating. I'm hypersensitive to it I know from being in such a consistent temperature in my room like 24/7. Do you believe in miracles? Probably no. What hurts more: scratches or bites? Bites, if you're talking serious ones. Do you prefer rabbits to mice? No, mice (and especially rats) are absolutely amazing, intelligent animals. Bonus points for being mega cute too, though I do find rabbits cuter. Who out of all the people you know reasonably well is the most "dark?" Sara, haha. Favorite chocolate-based candy? Reese's. Do you call anyone babe or baby? My pets sometimes. Name me a food you used to like that you now don't: Peas, olives. Name me a food you now like but never used to: Mashed potatoes, IF prepared very well (by my standards, obviously). Would you rather live in Europe, The US, or Australia? By this point, take me to Europe. If it wouldn't be such a huge life change and leaving so many people, I would 120% move to Canada, but out of these, Europe will do. Would you rather have a big house, a lot of kids, or a high flying job? Give me the high-flying job, 100%. I don't want kids, and I have no need for a large house. Is crime a big problem in your area? Oh yes. What’s your town/city most well-known for? By the locals, being the crime hub, actually, lol. Name 5 objects that you don’t have but would like right now: Hmmm... I want a 40g tank as an upgrade for Venus, a gaming chair for when I turn the extra room into my "office" so I don't destroy my back sitting there, new glasses and a driving permit, and don't forget a gd tattoo needle pounding my skin. :^) If you were given the choice to choose your child’s gender, would you? Yes, I would absolutely want a girl just because IF I wanted kids, I'd want a daughter named Alessandra. Do you get along well with your family doctor/your doctor? Yeah, she's nice. What types of soups do you like? None. If a color could reflect your current mood, which would it be? Grayish blue. The last time you saw fireworks? I really don't know; it's been years, at least. Have you ever gone to a movie premiere? Possibly for Silent Hill: Revelation, but I'm not certain. Who was the last person to make you laugh out loud? My mom, because she made me remember something funny. What was the last commercial you heard selling? *shrug* Do you prefer fairly common names or a bit out of the ordinary ones? Oh, definitely rare and unique ones. Would you rather have a pet cat, dog, horse or tortoise? At this current time, a dog for Mom, which we're actually probably getting. She misses having one super badly. Is your laugh loud, normal or very silent? My laugh is loud and obnoxious as fuck. What are you interested in that most people would be surprised to know? Tarantulas, probably. I love them, even though spiders kinda scare me. Last movie you watched the whole way through? Elf, I think, with Sara's fam. What's your favorite fruit? Strawberries are where it's at. Last time you drank coffee? I've only ever sipped coffee to try to see if I liked it. Never have. I THINK I last took a sip of Sara's when we went on a breakfast date? Has anyone ever called you rich? Calling me rich would be entirely ludicrous. What makes you feel beautiful? Nothing. How many bathrooms are in your house? Two. Last time you were on a plane and where did you go? A couple years ago, coming home from Illinois. Favorite flavor muffin? Uggghhhh chocolate. Do you prefer stripes or polka dots? Polka dots. I tend to find circles visually appealing. Did you take Music when you were in school? I think all the elementary school students did. I was also in band in middle and high school; I played the flute. Why did you last feel like crying? I'm just sick of how my life is going. Do you find being alone with strangers scary, interesting, or indifferent? I find it either awkward or terrifying, depending on the gender. It's not a willing thing or intended sexism whatsoever, I'm just naturally afraid of men. Do your initials spell a legitimate word? If so, what? No. Does someone’s background affect whether you'll be friends with them or not? Well, it depends on what they've done. How about their religious background? No. If someone admitted cheating in a past relationship of theirs, would you trust them? Nope, bye. Did you ever want to be a cook as a kid? No. How about a fashion designer? No. Do you prefer fire or ice? Fire aesthetically, but ice is certainly less intimidating. When happy, do you become more talkative? OH yes. Are you offended easily by non-politically correct language? No, really. I wouldn't say derogatory terms, but I really don't understand why most people put so much weight into a single made-up word. But again, you won't hear that language coming out of my mouth because I understand that it just does hurt some people, and I respect that. Do you think the censors/fcc go a bit too far or are just right? It's gone overboard, imo. What's your I.Q? I don't want to know, haha. Have you ever taken a martial art? Which one{s}? No. Do you know anyone who is scared of you? Um, no. What person who has died would you bring back and why? Probably Steve Irwin. His children have done FUCKING FANTASTIC at carrying on his legacy and purpose, but I feel he could've taught the world so much more than he had time to... Do you like watermelon? No. Too watery. Can you remember the month of your first kiss? Yes, actually. March. What do you think is the most interesting thing about you? I'm unsure, really. Do you like being complimented or does it make you uncomfortable? Both. What artist's paintings do you find the most beautiful? This is an impossible question. What about the most disturbing? Oh man, I watch this one person on deviantART that makes especially creepy artwork. I follow a loooot of dark artists, though, so it's difficult to pick. Have you ever gone to a camp or summer school? A church-related summer thing, yes, as a kid. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Pokemon was/is where it's at. What was your biggest fear as a child? Thunderstorms, holy shit. Would you rather be able to fly or breathe underwater? Be able to breathe underwater. What about invisibility or mindreading? Definitely invisibility. Mindreading would just... suck. Hurt. Especially if you couldn't control it. Which stereotype do you dislike the most? Good question, considering I hate a shit ton. Can you remember all your past teachers names? No, not all of them. Do you like talent shows? Which ones? I don't mind watching 'em. I particularly used to love America's Got Talent. Have you ever failed an important exam? In what? Yes; I failed horribly at my final math exam the last time I was in school. Are you on any meds? Too many. Just way too many for someone my age. I'm really starting to think I'm over-medicated to where it's dulling my senses, feelings, and also destroying my memory. But I kinda need like... all of them. I'm talking to my psychiatrist in just a couple days though, actually, and I'm going to talk to him about maybe trying to wean me off my OCD med, since I haven't had big symptoms in a long time. I wanna see how I deal without it. What color is your razor? Black and orange. What is your fave frozen treat? Just the classic ice cream. Which supermarket do you like to shop at? We tend to get our groceries from Wal-Mart. Do you struggle to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do? YESSIREE. Are you friends with someone a lot of people dislike? I don't think there's anyone that is widely disliked, no. Have you ever had to deal with someone close to you going off to war? No, thankfully. Other than yourself, who did you last buy something for? Mom. What's something you complain about frequently? My legs hurting. It's hard to ignore when taking one step is painful. Have you ever talked about your period with a guy? Were they okay with it, or grossed out? I certainly haven't talked about it in-depth, but it's been mentioned in some way when I was with Jason. I mean we were together for three and a half years, sexually active (and I ain't doing jackshit if it's that time of the month), and I spent as much time with him as possible, so... it woulda came up. I'm sure he was indifferent about it, he was a mature guy. Have you ever been to an Asian (any type) market? If so, what is the closest one to you? No. I've never even heard of one around here. Have you ever slept with a member of the opposite sex without having sex? Back up two questions, haha. That was normal. How would you feel if your significant other had tattoos? Shit man, I love tattoos. I'd obviously not care. How have you been feeling today? Depressed. Where’s your phone right now? On my chest. I'm lying down. Is there a certain person that makes you feel safe? ugh When you drink alcohol with friends, do you play drinking games? I never have. What are the best kind of Girl Scout cookies? I don't remember their names, honestly... but the chocolate and peanut butter ones come to mind.