#we're gonna be indoors so....we'll see

[f1owermoon]

got a family lunch on sunday and i have a very cunty outfit planned but idk if it's gonna be too hot to wear it 😔

[encryptedlunacy]

[midnight1nk]

So, that WOTFI 2024 trailer...

TRAILER REACTION/ANALYSIS (+BINGO)

[Spoilers below cut]

I did not expect the trailer to be released this soon, color me surprised! Kinda scared to click it tbh. (If you're gonna watch it on YT, just a heads up: tw for flashing images)

Okay... 3... 2... 1... LET'S-A GO!

REACTION & ANALYSIS

[To simplify things, my reaction input will be in blue & bold and my analysis will be in orange & italics. Cool? Coolio 👍]

It starts off showing the carnival grounds.

Presumably, it takes place in the same time frame as the last episode, because of the sun setting. And in the background, you can hear a creepy, carnival-themed rendition of "Silent Night"(???). Oh, nevermind, it's a music box cover for "Rock-a-bye Baby" (link here). Oooh, very scary....

I know it's not much but at least this scene (and surely more later on) gives us some insight into what mini-games were chosen for WOTFI.

Here we have the Ferris Wheel (please be my challenge OMG), The House of Crazy, and the Arcade. And also that strange office building on the third scene I pointed out in last week's episode review. Seriously, what is that building?

We then get this shot of the carnival entrance as the song cover gets interrupted by the next scene.

This looks very much like the background picture used for the WOTFI website. Oh hey look, the cutout of Mr Puzzles wearing Meggy's Western Spaghetti hat is still there.

Cut to the next scene of the camera getting closer to Didney's Engine Room doors with the next scene of SMG4 and Mario running. Huh, correct me if I'm wrong, but the corridor where they're at doesn't seem like the same one that leads to the Engine Room....

And of course, a shot of Leggy with a creepy smile, staring at the camera. It honestly reminds me of Four from the Meme Factory mini-Arc. WE'LL SAVE YOU MEGGY DON'T WORRY!

Then, we got... KAREN HI!

Yup, Karen's here, jumping through a hoop on fire. She would be great in this, considering that she's a former assassin. And she seems to be in this indoor kiddie playground so maybe House of Crazy??? Or just another attraction we haven't seen yet.

More of the camera gets closer to the engine room before we see Bob on one of those bumper cars (likely the one he was strapped in) from the last episode, driving away from a monster.

I'm literally going through this frame by frame and it looks like Bob is in the scary cart ride attraction as spotted in the last episode (left, top-ish corner on the image I put here). I feel bad for Bob omg look how scared he looks.

[Welcome to Puzzle Park // time stamp 2:55]

Closer to the engine room...

Then there's... SAIKO MY GIRL! She's on a tightrope with a pole in her hands, balancing over a floor of lava.

Hold up, where the hell is this? Somehow we're inside of a cave, with pink crystals mind you, and for there to be lava. I don't know if it's just me but it's giving the pit from the 'Let's Go Visit Peach' episode vibes, idk I might've gone insane...

More of Four and Mario running with determination (LOOK AT MY BOYS)

closer to the Engine Room...

And SMG3!!! SOMEONE RESCUE MY BOY ;^;

This reminds me so much of the Puzzlevision waiting stream where Three, Four, and Tari were stuck on the Wheel of Fortune. Also, these scenes are a nice callback to the 'SMG4: The Very Safe & Legal SMG4 Show' episode.

FOUR, GO SAVE YOUR BOYFRIEND

Then... TARI NOOOOO!!!!

OMG IS THAT HER SCREAMING? That is exactly how it went down last episode where she got pulled into the duck pond game.

Now, we should really start to get scared because I predicted that someone would be killed off during WOTFI, and while Mr Puzzles is a likely choice, it might be Tari. Listen, I DON'T WANT HER TO DIE BUT THEY PULLED SHIT LIKE THIS BEFORE, I'M TERRIFIED DUDE.

Closer to the Engine Room...

Oh, Leggy... hi....

Then there's... MELONY!! WE HAVE TO SAVE THEM [*rattles the gates*] LET ME INNNNNN

It looks exactly like the scene from the last episode, the one of the carnival attractions coming to life and chasing Four and Mario around the grounds.

Curious to see Puzzles' head also one of the things that they are chasing her. Not exactly sure where that is but based on the lit screens in the background, she may be on the carnival grounds. Or just inside an attraction we don't know about.

Closer to the Engine Room...

Next is LUIGI!!! This is giving Luigi's Mansion vibes...

And those clown(???) dolls are the same ones that are chasing Melony. It could be that they are in the same place or they used the same assets. Speaking of Luigi's Mansion, this could be the House of Crazy. My poor boy Luigi :'(

Worried about Boopkins, though. He hasn't shown up in the trailer...

Ok, can we finally talk about what's the deal with these two scenes?

Throughout the whole trailer so far, we've seen Four and Mario running, either away from something or in determination to save their friends, but you can't say these happened in the corridor for the Engine Room. If you look in the background, there are bricked columns, carnival-striped poles, and stars.

Meanwhile, the Engine Room corridor has concrete walls with graffiti plastered all over it, and far dirtier compared to the first running scene. Plus, the lighting is completely different.

Seems like the first running scene takes place on the carnival grounds, could be a refresher from the chase scene from the last episode. THEN, they ran again through the Engine Room corridor. Just a repeat of the last episode.

It makes sense honestly because if you think about it, people who aren't catching up on the episodes one by one would look for the WOTFI 2024 arc videos and possibly skip the trailer entirely. Without watching the trailer, they don't miss anything. The cinematic trailer works more as a recap of the last episode while giving teases for WOTFI. So, it works for both passive and active viewers of the show.

Anyway, our Classic OG duo made it to the Engine Room, a play-by-play of what happened at the end of the last episode. And find Mr Puzzles holy shit....

Just like I mentioned last time, Puzzles is very much giving Zero vibes. And also Wren, let's not forget that. Death flags, anyone?

His legs are completely gone, being replaced by wires. He took off his button-down shirt and gloves, revealing his synthetic arms that are connected to even more wires. They are literally plugged into his arms oh my spaghetti gods.

Puzzles manically laugh as some wires wrap around Four's and Mario's legs before being dragged out of the room.

Well, seeing that Mr Puzzles merged himself with the power source, Didney's only rating star, he has control of everything. So it isn't surprising to know that he did that. Would he put them under his control? Or force them to participate in this year's WOTFI? We don't know. But regardless, they don't have a choice. They're the 'missing pieces' of Puzzle Park after all.

No no, actually, WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS? I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE, RIGHT?!?!?! (if you have no idea what I mean, here's the link)

Oh, and the "Rock-a-bye Baby" tune just came back.

Mr Puzzles: "Oh, leaving so soon? The ride's just starting..."

Why exactly did he refer to this as a "ride"? I've analyzed trailers before and I know from experience that this could be a line said during WOTFI. Puzzles could be telling this to someone (not necessarily to Four and Mario) while this person (or people) are attempting to get off a ride.

It could also be a reference to the phrase "rollercoaster ride of emotions" which we the audience have yet to see. Basically, the channel telling us, "Oh you thought you got enough trauma from Meggy forced to turn back into Leggy, and Puzzles merging himself with the power source? You're about to get something way worse". Chat, we aren't ready I swear...

WOTFI LOGO OFFICIAL REVEAL! I KNEW THEY WERE GONNA DO THAT!!

For the past week or so, it was only on the show's account banner, a tiny little version of it. And the one you can download from the website isn't fully in color. Glad to see it fully in color with dramatic lighting :)

AND THE OFFICIAL DATE!

I knew some people were lucky enough to screenshot the banner with the release date on it before the channel quickly replaced it with "COMING SOON". It was speculated that it was gonna be around the 19th but we now have confirmation that it's true. WOTFI's NEXT WEEK, let's gooooooo!

We, of course, have to dress up for the occasion! If you have something carnival theme, put it on! SMG4 Cosplay? Put it on! SMG4 merch? Put it on! Some comfy pajamas with a pair of fun socks? Put it on!

Anyway, for the moment you've all been waiting for...

WOTFI 2024 BINGO

Well, in the 'SMG4 and SMG3 come up with an episode' video (y'know the same one they "hinted" at the carnival coming into the showgrounds), Three proposed the idea of Bingo Night happening in the episode narrative he and Four were making.

Since I've made bingo cards before for my favorite shows...

(Mario, do the thing!)

OUR VERY OWN BINGO CARD FOR THIS YEAR'S WOTFI

AND YOU GUYS WILL HELP ME FILL IT UP!

Comment on this post or drop a suggestion in my ask box, and I will put it on our card! It could be predictions, theories, or people that we will potentially see in WOTFI.

If you want to, you can explain your reasoning as to why you think your suggestion should be on the card. Also, let me know if you want to be tagged for your submission when I post the final product of the card!

OTHER STUFF/UPDATES

As of right now, writing this post, the website is still allowing mini-game submissions, so hurry if you plan to put one in.

Meanwhile, on Twitter...

I FUCKIN KNEW IT I SWEAR-

Then, there's Shadow...

Transcript for audio:

Shadow: "Really quick, I just wanted to drop this before anything else get out of hand. I noticed that everybody saw the trailer for this year's War of the Fat Italians... and well, obviously I can't say much on it but, uh, y'know, I think you guys will love what me and the team got going on right now. The only thing I will say, really though, given with everything's going into it..." [*chuckle*] "I do hold (or hope?) that you guys will enjoy the ride." [*starts singing*] "Come with me and you'll be in a world of pure imagination..." [*sinister laughter*]

...Shadow, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?!?!? YOU GUYS CAN JUST DO THAT

AND Y'ALL WITH THE ;) AGAIN, I'M GOING INSANE

For the account banners, they finally changed from "Coming Soon" to "October 19th" and of course, each account posted the trailer.

Brace yourselves, my dear fellows, 'cause it's going to be one hell of a ride...

[fountainpenguin]

Riddle watches New Wish - Post #4

... Angela has orange eyes. Interesting... It's a good thing that 8 years ago, I didn't set up my entire magical society to be obsessed with natural orange features like hair because it's the rarest color in the magical world, ahahaha...

Cosmo hung a picture of himself on their wall.

SHE HAS A CREATURE-HUNTER FOR A DAD? Oh no, oh no, oh no... Someone call Doombringer, Crocker, and Ed Leadly- They've got a new friend!

He didn't react to Cosmo and Wanda describing the features Crocker always names as fairy traits (wands, wings, floating crowns), so he probably doesn't know Crocker.

She's so cute...

Okay, I love that Cosmo and Wanda walk backwards while bouncing. They are still not used to being human.

CRYING, Wanda literally noped out with a farewell of "We probably won't be seeing you much." That is a woman who is not willing to get dragged out of retirement and back into creature-hunting threats. I'm very curious as to how they end up with Hazel.

Hey, Hazel's indoor rug is even cooler than the one in the hall.

POV, you usually would fly across the hall but you don't have your wings out right now.

She vaporized the door, doors are STILL for chumps!!

AND WE GET CEILING LIGHTS? They thought of everything!

... Enrichment Academy? Interesting...

Okay, I love how the building design, the hills, and Hazel's schoolmates still totally belong in FOP style:

Hey, that's the guy from the story bible preview! He's getting the skateboard noises; that's cute.

And baby, we're SO back!

Cosmo and Wanda think they slick:

Hazel introducing herself to the class as "liking french fries" is a mood.

"I have an older brother! He's my best friend. He's visiting today and it will totally make up for the fact that no one laughed at my rock joke." - Girl, you are dying inside.

(He's not gonna show and that's what'll push C and W into taking her in... isn't it?)

Oh, they have swirls on their ears like the OG style! Nice. Also, I love the thin, stretchy arms and tiny legs... This is nice.

Oh no.

Yeah, this kid looks stable. Please tell me he doesn't have orange hair. Haha, I'm in danger.

HE'S DALE'S KID??? Lemonade Dungeon Boy got himself a partner? Mr. Only Shows Up In One Episode unless he's the pixie godkid implied by Da Rules' page about pixies in the Musical but he's probably not, he's just always been my leading theory and it was in Season 2?

Ohhh, boy; writers did their homework. I support him and what I can only assume are well-adjusted social skills. And yay, that gives us a timeline.

If this kid were an animal, I don't think I'd let him eat out of my hand. He's ready for collateral damage.

Hazel has been so nice to everyone, not even outing Cosmo and Wanda to her dad, and she's already ready to yeet this kid into the trash because he's not good enough to recycle.

omg, we're getting introduced to the background characters? Yesssss...

Okay, I'm cracking up at Dev introducing the ASMR guy (Whisper) as "gives me the creeps, but I respect the hustle." I'm intrigued.

Whisper was my alt name for Whistle, so I'm glad I went with the latter!

I am saving every poster I ever see.

Love how we're getting to tour more of the building. We've got stairs! And mailboxes! ... Also, Cosmo and Wanda were not her bubble charms in disguise, but that's definitely where they're going.

I like how Hazel's parents did immediate damage control when she started reacting and made sure she was expressing a healthy response in front of Antony.

I'm obsessed with Hazel. She reminds me so much of Chloe. "Running away! Not in a bad way like on TV, but in a good way! 'cuz it's me and I know what I'm doing!" They would be friends. I wonder if we'll get to see adult Chloe.

omfg, Cosmo and Wanda saw "Child running away" and they're IMMEDIATELY gunning for this child. Sir/Ma'am, please get your minds retuned for this century. Do not steal the child.

SLDKJFSDF compilation of past episodes where Cosmo has gone to space after he says he wants to go to space. Looks like the "Spaced Out" saga AND - and I am shook -

THAT'S "TERRIBLE TWOSOME," Season 9! When he's reading jokes to Poof so he'll stop blocking the sun!

Sir/ma'am, where is your paperwork to take this child?

I'm glad I got a heads up that the writers confirmed the bus driver isn't actually Timmy; I can see how that would be confusing.

Stopping here so I can do a thing with my parents. Will return later!

[abirddogmoment]

An excerpt from training for directed retrieves during my coffee break!

Directed retrieves are a really fun gundog exercise where a dog fetches multiple birds or bumpers in a sequence that you (the handler) ask. They can be marked retrieves (where the dog sees where the bumper fell) or blind retrieves (where the dog doesn't see the fall and you have to guide them with your voice and hands). I'm teaching this mostly as an enrichment activity, but it's an important piece for irl hunting retrievers to ensure birds aren't wasted in the field. I started teaching this exercise by throwing kibble in two different directions while she stood in a heel and then releasing her to them one at a time. This was our first try with directed retrieving of bumpers!

In this video I'm asking Rory to get into heel position (and rewarding that heavily because heel position = best place to be), asking her to stand steady while I throw two bumpers, and then directing her to pick up the first bumper I threw.

The duck bumper (the second one) is her preferred bumper so I chose to throw the paint roller to my left - when I put my hand out to line her up, it sort of blocks her view of the duck bumper so she's more likely to go to the one I want even though she likes the other one better.

Because this was the first time we practiced this exercise with bumpers, I wasn't looking for a perfect retrieve to hand - when I sent her to the duck bumper (not in the video), she dropped it at my feet instead of waiting for me to take it. That's no big deal, we can work towards a tighter retrieve after she gets more confident with the game.

We're going to keep practicing indoors for a while and once she's looking confident (and assuming things don't get too icy) we'll start working outside so we can build distance and speed.

I will also keep practicing lining her up (using my hand to guide her line) so we can start working on send-outs for blind retrieves and commitment to running out in a straight line! I have some ideas on how to use very small pieces of food to start this indoors and then we can move it outdoors in the spring.

She's doing awesome though! I'm really happy with her steadiness and her ability to think through puzzles. It's gonna be a fun winter working on these skills!

[osleeplessflowero]

// i love merfolk, so i figured..why not write a skeleton oneshot with a merman blue? 💙 As always, gender neutral Reader. Their soul is up for interpretation! 💜 Ao3 link will be provided once it's posted there! (I am so sorry for my fic readers that get a bunch of oneshots instead of updates..) 💛 bonus points if somebody gets the barbie reference in here

🫧 Into The Sea 🌊

The ocean waves sway beneath you, the sound all too familiar. Your hair blows gently in the breeze, that salty ocean air filling your senses. You smile, comforted by the atmosphere.

In truth, you hadn't expected to come out here to begin with. But since your friend had an extra ticket for a popular cruise line in the area..how could you refuse? Plus, it's a great opportunity to see the sea life you're normally not that close to.

Speaking of said friend, they walk over to you and lean their arms on the rail beside you.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" They ask, grinning. "I'm glad I could ask you to come with me. Sights like these just wouldn't be the same alone." "Thanks for asking me to. Beats staying at home by myself, right?" "Couldn't have said it better. Maybe if we're lucky, we'll see some of the Mer." "Mer? As in merfolk? I thought those were myths?" You turn to them, a brow raised. "Oh no, they're very real. I've asked a few people around and they said they've caught glimpses of tails moving through the water out here at night. They must be looking for food or something." They shrug. "Huh..how unusual. I wonder what they look like.." You look back to the water, a bunch of ideas flowing through your head as you wonder about these unfamiliar creatures you'd only heard about in tales. "Me too. Maybe we'll spot one."

If there were merfolk out here, would they even approach? Surely they would be curious about this large structure during the water. But then again, they may have experience with these sort of things and wish to stay away. Which, of course, you'd completely understand should you be in their situation. Who knows how many hunters have gone out here to try and catch them for fame?

"It'd definitely be a sight." You lean on them, trying to spot any unusual colors in the water. For a moment you perk up at the sight of a tail, but it just turns out to be a dolphin.. you still say hello to it, though.

Things are peaceful for a bit, before you look up to notice that there are dark grey clouds forming in the sky; a storm's coming. Better get inside before something happens.

"Let's go in. I don't want to get caught in this rain." You suggest, pointing at the nearest door leading into the ship. Your friend agrees, walking inside with you and grouping up with several other passengers on board. An announcement is said over the intercom:

"Attention to all of our passengers, please remain calm. A storm is currently approaching us and should be moving out of this area shortly. Please remain indoors at all times and near a safe space until the coast is clear. Thank you."

"I wonder how bad of a storm it'll be?" You ask no one in particular, looking outside at the increasingly growing darker sky and the waves. Your friend perks up, having been focused on something else. "Hopefully not bad enough to end our trip early. It's been so fun here!" They comment, holding up their phone to check the weather and showing you.

It seems a big thunderstorm is arriving, lightning along with it. The winds will be moving like crazy.. You silently hope it doesn't knock out the ship's power somehow. Your friend rests their hand on your shoulder, a reassuring gesture but also to get your attention as you're snapped out of your thoughts.

"Hey, I'm gonna go get us some drinks. You gonna be alright on your own? I can stay or you can go with me if not." They offer, gesturing to a room nearby that leads to the dining area.

You nod. "Yeah, I'll be fine. You go on ahead, I'll wait here."

"Okay! Be back in a sec!" They run off, quickly dodging anybody that walks too close to them. You feel around in your pocket for your phone so you can watch something to pass the time, but..it isn't there. You were sure you placed it there earlier!

..That's right. You brought it outside with you. It must still be out there, you hope it hasn't already gotten wet!

You contemplate leaving your friend before deciding you'll just walk right back in, so you rush outside out of anyone's view to go and retrieve your phone. The wind harshly blows your hair behind you as well as your clothes, the rain gently hitting you from above and falling from the sky like thousands of tears.

Sure enough, your phone's exactly where you left it, beside the chair you'd been sitting in while getting some sun earlier. You carefully walk over to it, dodging the wind as you move as best you can to grab it. Once you finally have it in your hands, you're relieved that somehow it remained untouched.

Your friend rushes out, presumably having looked out the window and saw you, running over and almost slipping.

"Hey! Be careful out here, the wind's insane! What are you even doing?" They shout, holding onto the railing beside the two of you.

"I was just getting my phone, I left it out here and really did not want to lose it."

"Okay, well, just give it to me for now. I don't want you to lose it again and throw yourself into more danger." They hold out their hand, and you place it in their hand before the two of you begin walking back to the door you came out here from.

The wind picks up, much stronger than before. The ship slightly tilts due to the power of it, causing you to fall right onto the rail.

Your friend calls out your name as you reach out to them, before you're abruptly shoved back again, falling over the rail. They try their hardest to pull you back up, but in the end you ultimately fall into the water.

"Someone help! My friend just fell overboard!" You can hear them shout as they rush back inside. You hit the water abruptly, struggling to swim back up.

You fight, swimming as hard as you can, trying to reach the surface without running out of breath. Yet it seems the water keeps somehow pulling you back down.. Tears prick at the corners of your eyes as you continue to try, before you eventually fall unconscious from the lack of air..

A brief flash of bright blue fills your vision before your eyes shut. You sink slowly down into the sea..

Someone swims up to you. You can't see him, because you're out cold. He's beautiful; a mer-skeleton that had seen you fighting before you fainted, wanting to help you. His bright blue tail glistens beneath the water, his arms having tattoo-like blue markings along them as well as his ribcage. His bright blue eyelights dart over you in a worried manner as he finally reaches your sleeping form. He looks up to the surface before realizing you need air, holding you in his big strong arms as he swims up to the surface.

He pops his head out of the water before pulling you out with him. There's no response from you..

His eyelights dart around before he spots a set of rocks, swimming over and lying you down before pressing down on your chest. He repeats this process a few times, before saying distressed words in a language you probably wouldn't understand, were you awake to hear.

He apologizes, closing your nose and lifting your chin before pressing his teeth to your lips and blowing air in.. somehow, leaning up to take a breath before doing it one more time.. the moment he raises his head again, you spit out water, coughing as your eyes slowly blink open, filled with tears. You take deep breaths as you sit up, the skeleton resting his hand on your back as he supports you.

You look over your savior..a beautiful skeleton merman, who's greeting you with a warm smile. He seems to be relieved that you're okay. So they really do exist.. that's..crazy. And to think one just saved your life..

"Thank you." You say, hoping that somehow he'll understand if there's a language barrier. He pauses for a second, before letting out a quiet gasp and nodding, seeming to have understood.

You turn your head towards the ship, pointing to it. "Can you take me back? My friend is waiting."

He tilts his head a little, so out of curiosity, you try signing the words out to him. His eyelights widen a little bit, and he signs back.

'You Can Sign?' 'Yeah, learned how.' 'That's Great! I Should Take You Back Now Before Your Ship Leaves.' 'Thank you!'

He picks you up in a bridal carry of sorts, motioning for you to hold on before quickly swimming up to the boat. A ladder is quickly dropped down by some staff members for you to climb. You grab onto it, turning to the stranger.

'Thank you again. What's your name?' 'Blue! And You're Welcome, Human!'

You smile at him, pressing a small kiss to his cheek, causing his face to flush a bright shade of blue.

'I hope I'll see you again!' You climb up, hugging your friend who makes sure you're okay.

He gives you a wave, before disappearing into the sea.

"You have to tell me EVERYTHING." Your friend states, wrapping a towel around your shoulders as you walk inside.

"Yeah..let me get some time to think, first."

[ironychan]

Scary Monsters

Okay, @dysphoria-sweatshirt @sweatersexual @30spiders​ @angrylittlesliceofpizza​

Part 1/? - Rocco’s Closet

Part 2/? - School for Monsters

Knowing that the bus was going 'back to school', Luca had pictured something like the school he and Giulia attended in Genova. It was housed on several floors of an ornate old building, on a street that also housed shops and apartments. Humans seemed to like living all piled on top of each other in small spaces, so that everything and everyone they might need was within easy reach. For somebody accustomed to the broad, shallow bottom of the Ligurian Sea, it had taken some getting used to.

This place was not like that. The building, identified by a sign as Flatwoods Middle School, was only a single storey tall, with flat roofs and very few windows. There was a broad open field behind it, where a group of monster children were playing something similar to football. In front of the building was a big car park with rows of young trees and a small fountain on the broad path to the front door.

The fountain was a welcome sight, because by now Luca and Alberto were starting to dry off again. They pushed their way through the kids leaving the bus and ran ahead to jump in the water, rolling around and splashing to get good and soaked.

Unfortunately, there'd been a girl sitting on the fountain rim reading a book. She had eight spidery legs but a humanoid torso and hair in pigtails, and she was wearing a black cardigan with a lace collar and a ribbon choker with an Egyptian ankh. She shrieked as they splashed her, and scrambled to her many feet.

“Sorry, Miss!” said Luca.

She stared at them, uncomprehending.

“We're sea monsters,” Luca added.

“Not good if we get too dry,” Alberto agreed.

The girl examined her wet book and brushed some water off a page, then scuttled away.

“Will you need to keep doing that all afternoon?” asked Jeanne, as she and Marie ushered the kids towards the buildings.

“Yes, Miss Lavigne,” said Luca.

“We'll see if we can't make it easier for you,” Marie decided. Jeanne nodded.

Alberto climbed out of the fountain and put his hands on his hips as he considered the building in front of them. “It doesn't look much like your school,” he observed. Luca had sent him some photographs in the mail.

Luca nodded. “I don't think it's gonna be much like it inside, either.”

Alberto stood there a moment longer then clapped Luca on the back. “It'll be a breeze,” he said, though there was uncertainty in his voice. “Just...”

“... just stay wet?” Luca guessed.

“Right.” Alberto nodded and followed the monster children indoors, head and tail held high. Luca hurried after him.

Flatwoods Middle School had looked quiet from outside, but inside it was absolutely swarming. Monster kids of every possible shape and size were taking things out of lockers or putting them in, talking in groups, or engaged in any of a dozen other activities. Three girls, dressed in uniforms tailored for their varying number of limbs and heads, were poring over a piece of paper and giggling helplessly. Two slug-like beasts, one in a baseball cap, were bouncing a small ball back and forth with their heads, until a red, crocodile-like adult came and confiscated it. A polka-dot creature was fiddling with colourful cube toy as the group went by, and one of the returning kids waved to it.

“Darse por vencido, Miguel!”

The being called Miguel waved back, then returned its attention to its cube.

Alberto decided to try this phrase out. He poked the armoured back of a spiky yellow creature that was holding a large orange ball. “Hey, darse por vencido!” he said with a cheerful grin.

“Uh... sure,” the spiky kid said uncertainly.

An alarm suddenly rang. Luca nearly jumped out of his skin. He grabbed Alberto's arm, but nobody else seemed to consider this an emergency. The students shut their lockers and quickened their steps – or their flapping, hopping, or slithering – but they didn't flee the building. Instead, they ended their conversations with their friends and dispersed into various rooms. Luca kept a tight grip on Alberto as they followed their lifelines, Miss Lavigne and the crab boy named Harry, through a particular door.

Inside was a classroom that looked fairly normal at first, but then Luca began to notice the weird details. One wall had a map hanging on it, but it wasn't a map of anywhere Luca recognized. In another place was a poster labelled The Night Sky, but there were no familiar constellations. Above the blackboard was a row of portraits of monsters in old-fashioned clothing.

The desk, however, were entirely familiar, and the students settled down at them much as students did anywhere. Marie-Jeanne ushered Alberto and Luca to two empty seats at the back, where there was a sink on the wall.

“There we go,” said Marie. “There's water right there, if you need to wet down again.”

“Just try not to disrupt the class too much,” Jeanne added.

“Yes, Miss Lavigne,” said Luca politely.

“We'll be as quiet as mice,” Alberto promised.

Both of Marie-Jeanne's heads nodded, and she went to the desk at the front to begin the lesson. “Well,” said Marie,” since on a regular day this would be our period for history, let's talk about what we learned at the factory today in light of that. Who can tell me something about the history of the energy industry?”

A scattering of hands, tentacles, wings, and at least one foot went up.

“Yes, Heather.” Marie pointed to a girl.

The child in question rather looked like a heather plant, with spiky fur in green and pink. “Scream power was rationed in some places until just five years ago, as a result of the Great Door Crash!” she announced.

“That's correct,” said Marie pleasantly. “We grew up in a small town with rationed scream, actually.”

Jeanne, meanwhile, chose one of the boys. “Arthur! What can you tell us?”

Arthur was a glossy green slug-like creature with skinny arms and a pair of curling, ram-like horns. “Today was the first Code Black in monster history!” he said excitedly.

This was met by an awkward silence.

“I think that's a little premature,” said Marie primly.

“It's possible,” Jeanne admitted.

“But not likely,” said Marie.

“Everybody in the parking lot was talking about it,” said Arthur.

“That doesn't mean it's anything more than a rumour,” Marie told him, while Jeanne nodded. “If anything actually happened, I'm sure there'll be an official announcement.”

“Or maybe there won't be,” said a girl who looked like nothing so much as a dish of blue jelly, with eyes and a pink bow on top. “Maybe they'd hide the truth in order to avoid a mass panic. You all know humans are deadly poisonous.”

Luca looked at Alberto and found him looking back, not sure what to make of any of this.

“You mean venomous,” said a striped, gecko-like boy, who was wearing glasses. “If it bites you and you die, it's venomous. If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous.”

“What if I bite it and it dies?” asked Arthur.

“Then you're venomous,” said the boy in the glasses, rolling his eyes. “Duh.”

“Humans aren't venomous or poisonous,” another kid announced. “It's just that their mouths are so filthy that after one bites you die of infection.”

The jelly waved a dismissive hand. “Either way, why would they tell us and risk society collapsing when they could just quietly kill anyone who got contaminated and cover it up? There might have been dozens of incursions and we would never know.”

Luca was still damp, but he got up and sidled over to the sink to splash himself again. Alberto did likewise. A few kids looked back over their shoulders at them, but nobody seemed terribly interested.

“Okay, kids,” said Jeanne, raising her hands. “Why don't we just...”

“We should ask Harry,” Arthur volunteered. “His family owns the place.”

Alberto and Luca were forgotten entirely as all eyes – averaging more than two per individual – turned towards the grey crab-like boy.

“I don't know any more than you do,” Harry told them. “If there was an incident, Dad might say something about it at supper tonight.” He glanced at Luca and Alberto as they returned to their seats, but his eyes didn't linger on them. “If he does, I'll tell you about it tomorrow.”

“Yes, but will you tell the truth?” asked the jelly. “You have a vested interest.”

“I'll tell you whatever I find out, Michelle,” Harry huffed. “On my honour.”

“What is honour worth when it comes from the establishment?” asked Michelle.

“Enough!” barked Jeanne, and to Luca's astonishment she breathed a bit of fire. Even Marie seemed shocked by this, and the class recognized it as a sign that their teacher was losing her patiences. They quickly sat up straight and looked attentive.

Marie gently took over again. “Why don't we go back to what Heather said about the Great Door Crash?” she suggested. “Who wants to tell me about that?”

There was less enthusiasm now. For a moment nothing happened, and then with a sigh, one grey hand went up.

“Yes, Harry?” Marie asked, while Jeanne held her mouth shut and exhaled smoke through her nostrils.

Harry looked around smugly. “Between 1939 and 1945 over a hundred thousand closet doors lost their access to the human world. But my grandfather Henry Waternoose the First developed a more efficient way to store and distribute every decibel of scream power that remained, and founded Monsters Incorporated to rebuild the door bank so that now there's more scream than ever.”

“Thank you, yes,” said Marie.

Jeanne sighed, letting out a final cloud of grey smoke that gathered in the air above her. “Yes, very good, Harry, although it would have been nice if somebody else could have answered that. Socorro, do you have a question?” she pointed to a lizardlike creature with spines down its back and big red eyes, which had raised a webbed hand.

“Why did the doors fail?” Socorro asked.

“Nobody knows,” Marie told her. “It's still a bit of a...”

It felt like lightning passed down Luca's spine as he realized he knew the answer, and before he had properly thought about what he was going to do, the habit of school took over and his hand shot up. “They had a war!” he said.

Everybody stared at him.

“Who?” asked Jeanne.

“The humans,” said Luca. Belatedly, he realized he probably shouldn't have said anything, but he'd already started now. There was no going back. “That's, uh... that's what my uncle says. They had a big war that went on for years, and thousands of buildings were destroyed, so their closets would be destroyed, too.” He was starting to put this together. The monsters used closet doors to get to the human world and... make kids scream? Because they used it as power for something? That sounded weird, but Luca didn't actually know where humans go their electricity from, although it had something to do with lightning, so who was he to say?

“Well, that's certainly an interesting theory,” said Marie delicately.

Luca sank in his seat a little, as everybody gave him funny looks. That had happened before, when he'd tried to answer a question in school and had ended up saying something humans thought was weird. Everybody was staring, wondering what was wrong with him, and he wished he could disappear.

Despite that embarrassment, by the time the class was over Luca was pretty sure he had this figured out. In order to get back to Portorosso, all he and Alberto had to do was go back to the factory and find the door that led to Rocco's closet. It would be easy.

The bell rang, and the kids scooped up their books and filed out of the classroom. Luca and Alberto stopped to wet themselves down in the sink one last time, and missed some minor drama in the process. Somebody shrieked, and they turned around to see the blob named Michelle pointing an angry gelatinous finger at the gecko boy.

“Miss Lavigne!” she wailed, “Lewis stepped in me!”

“You stopped right in front of me!” Lewis protested. He shook a wad of goo off his foot. It dropped to the floor and rolled across it to join back up with the rest of Michelle.

“You'd have seen me if you were looking where you were going, instead of reading a book!” Michelle informed him.

The two continued to argue as they headed into the hall, leaving only four people in the classroom – or perhaps five, depending on whether one counted Marie-Jeanne as one or two. There was the teacher, the boys, and Harry Waternoose.

“Follow me,” Harry told them.

Luca no longer had misgivings about this. If Harry's father owned the factory, then they had to stick to him like barnacles. They would just have to be very careful not to let him see them dry.

“Sir,” Luca said, as Harry led them up the hall, “we need to go back to your father's factory.”

Harry scuttled up to a locker and opened it. “What for?” he asked.

“We, um... let something there,” said Luca.

“I can tell Dad to have people look for it.” Harry stashed some books and picked up a bag, then shut the door again.

“You can't,” said Alberto. “It's hidden. We have to get it ourselves.”

Harry looked suspicious, but for the moment he did not ask any questions. Instead, he made his way through the teeming hallways to the entrance. Alberto and Luca were still good and damp, but seeing this crush of people and knowing now what would happen if they transformed made them jumpy. When they passed a drinking fountain, Alberto took advantage of it to splash his face, then put his thumb on the nozzle to spray Luca, too.

Unfortunately, not all the water went where he intended. Luca heard a startled cry and spun around to see that some of it had hit the spider-like girl in the ankh necklace. She glared at them.

“Sorry!” said Luca.

She wiped water off her face, then scowled and scurried away.

In front of the building, students were running around or sitting on the grass and talking, or getting onto one of a line of yellow buses that were now parked waiting on the street. Luca wasn't looking forward to riding in one of those again, so he was relieved when Harry didn't go in that direction. Instead, their new friend led them to the parking lot, where there was a car waiting.

At least, Luca was pretty sure it was a car. It was car-shaped, and yet very different from the little cars he was familiar with from Portorosso and Genova. It was black, low to the ground, and very, very long, longer than Massimo's fishing boat. The windows were dark so they couldn't see inside, but then one slid soundlessly open to reveal the driver, who appeared to be a blue octopus with a handlebar moustache.

“Hi, Armstrong,” said Harry. “This is Luca and Alberto. They're coming over.”

“Of course, Master Harry,” said the octopus.

They climbed in. Luca had ridden in cars before, and had found them cramped and uncomfortable. This one, however, was spacious with big soft seats that were almost more like sofas. They sat down, and Harry opened a little door under the seat and pulled bottles of cold water out of a tiny refrigerator for them.

“Thank you,” said Luca politely.

Alberto opened his bottle and poured the contents over his head. “So was that different from your school?” he asked.

“Kind of,” Luca said. “My school is smaller, and we learn about different things, but we do sit at desks and do math problems, and there are maps and things like that.”

“That's it? All day?”

“Mostly. We stop for lunch, and once a week if the weather's good we go back at night to use the big telescope.”

“And that's fun?” Everything Alberto knew about school was from Luca's letters, and Luca loved school. They read stories, learned history, did experiments, and looked at the stars – every day brought something new! But now Alberto was looking at Luca like he was crazy.

“Yeah, it's amazing!” Luca said with great enthusiasm. “Didn't you learn a lot today? We learned about the Great Door Crash.” He started counting things off on his fingers. “We learned that scream power works by vibrating the air molecules, so everything here runs on sound! And we learned that before they learned to get power by scaring kids, monsters would make machines run by roaring into them!”

“Why would we ever need to know any of that?” Alberto asked. “Nobody back home does things that way.”

“It's fun just to know it,” Luca insisted. “Don't you like knowing that plants are green because the green chemical helps them absorb sunlight, or that the evening star is a whole planet and has phases like the moon even though you need a telescope to see them?”

Alberto blinked at him, and Luca got a sinking feeling. If Alberto thought school was boring, did that mean he didn't like Luca's letters?

“You don't go to school?” Harry asked with a frown.

“Nope!” Alberto sat back with his hands behind his head. “That's Luca's thing.”

Now it was the monster boy's turn to look puzzled. “What do you do all day?”

“I work for my Dad,” Alberto replied. “My new Dad. My old Dad left, but I got a new one.”

That just confused Harry further. “How did you just get a new dad?”

“I moved in with him, and after a while he let me call him that.”

Harry gave them a sideways look with all five eyes. “Where are you guys from?” he wanted to know.

Saying the human world was clearly out of the question. Would Harry know where Portorosso or Genova or even the Ligurian Sea were? The map in the classroom hadn't shown anywhere familiar. Monsters clearly know how to get to the human world, though, so what if somebody tracked them down?

“Milano,” said Alberto.

“Yeah, Milano,” Luca agreed. He looked at Alberto, and Alberto shrugged. Apparently it was just the first place he'd thought of.

The very long black car drove them through the city and out into a neighbourhood with lots of trees and fences. A wrought-iron gate swung open by itself, and they headed up the drive to a house even bigger than Flatwoods Middle School. It was three storeys tall, surrounded by geometric gardens and carefully trimmed trees. It resembled a countryside villa, the sort of places Luca and Alberto had only seen pictures of. Harry cheerfully thanked Armstrong the chauffeur and scuttled up to the door. His guests followed, and before they reached the step, the butler was already there to answer it.

There seemed to be all kinds of monsters in this world and Luca was trying to act like that was normal – nobody seemed shocked by their appearances, so it would be rude to be surprised by anybody else. Even so, he couldn't stop a frightened squeak at what he saw next.

He had heard the word 'cadaverous' used to describe somebody who was very thin or pale, but the creature in the black suit that held the door for them literally looked like a dead body. It was huge and hunch-backed, with blue-grey skin, white hair, and blank white eyes. Making things even worse was that it was otherwise the most human-looking creature they'd met since Louise had dragged them through Rocco's closet door. If Luca had seen this come out of a closet, he'd have screamed enough to keep a whole city lit for a week.

“Hi, Schrecklich,” said Harry.

The butler nodded slowly, once, without speaking.

“This is Luca and Alberto,” Harry added.

Alberto stood up as straight as he could and grinned awkwardly, trying to look brave. Luca kept partially behind him, and waved.

“We're going in the pool,” Harry added.

Schrecklich nodded again, and turned his head to watch them go by. The boys walked fast and kept their eyes in front, not wanting to look directly at this terrifying creature. The door opened onto a big tiled hallway with intricate carpets on the floor and two flights of stairs leading up to the second level. The ceiling was as high as the third story, with balconies looking down and a stained glass dome at the top. From the centre of the dome hung a glittering crystal chandelier.

“I'm gonna go get my trunks,” Harry told them, as they stood staring at the room. “You can head out back. Schrecklich will show you the way.” He headed up the left flight of stairs.

The boys swallowed and turned to the butler, still not wanting to meet his empty, staring eyes. Schrecklich grunted, and gestured for them to follow him.

The rest of the house was as palatial as the foyer. They passed through half a dozen rooms stuffed with stylish furniture, with thick carpets on the floor and artwork on the walls. In one, a creature dressed as a maid was vacuuming. She had eyes on stalks, one of which turned to watch them go by, but when she saw they were with Schrecklich the butler, it rejoined its mate in keeping track of the cleaning.

Alberto tried very hard to look as if he were too cool to be impressed by this, keeping his lids half-shut and his head facing forward, but Luca could see him glancing around out of the corners of his eyes. Luca himself couldn't help but staring in amazement, and very nearly fell behind once or twice. Each time, as soon as he realized the others were getting ahead of him, he would run to catch up, because this house looked like a place somebody could get lost in and never find their way out. Sea monsters had an innate sense of direction that always told them which way was home, but that didn't help much in an actual maze.

At last the butler slid a glass door open, and they stepped out onto a multi-level wooden patio surrounded by flowers and palm trees. In one spot was an elaborate cushioned swing, in another a hammock, and on the lowest level was a firepit surrounded by comfy-looking ottomans. The centrepiece was a kidney-shaped swimming pool with a diving board, surrounded by beach chairs and sun umbrellas.

“Cool!” Alberto declared, and dived right in, clothes and all.

Luca paused before following him. “Thank you, Sir,” he said to the terrifying butler.

Schrecklich grunted again, and turned and went back inside.

Entering the pool brought on an immediate sense of relief. As long as Luca and Alberto were actually in the water, they wouldn't have to worry about being seen drying out. For the moment, at least, they were safe.

“Can you believe how rich these people are?” Alberto asked, kicking water at Luca with one flippered foot. “I bet they've got a whole fleet of Vespas!”

“Harry did say his dad owns the factory,” Luca said. If the screams were the only source of power, and the factory provided all the screams, that made sense. Luca wondered again about electricity. Where did it come from? Were the humans who provided it rich like this, or did it work totally differently? “I hope he can get us in without getting caught.” They hadn't seen much of it but the factory looked pretty big. Were they going to be able to find Rocco's door again?

“He'll do anything we want,” Alberto said confidently. “We promised to show him two humans, remember?”

“You promised,” said Luca, still not sure about that plan.

“We'll be home in no time,” said Alberto, floating on his back. “Until then, we get to hang out in this palazzo!”

Luca had other things on his mind. “I wonder what people back home are thinking. I mean. Signora Marsigliese would have heard us all shouting and she must have come in and we were just gone.” He hadn't thought of that yet... now that he did, it made him want to panic. “Mom and Dad are gonna be freaking out. And Massimo...”

Alberto must not have thought of this either. He stood up with his feet on the bottom. “You think so? Yeah...” he looked uncharacteristically thoughtful. “Yeah, he'll be looking for me.” Luca had told him how Massimo had gone to search for Alberto when he'd run off after their argument, and Alberto had told him what had happened after the boat caught fire.

The glass door slid open again, and Luca and Alberto looked up to see Harry scuttling out onto the patio. He hadn't worn any trousers earlier, but now he had blue swim trunks made to accommodate his many legs. Around his waist was a colourful, tyre-shaped inflatable thing, like a malformed beach ball. When he hopped into the water, it kept him buoyant, and he paddled over to them.

“So when do I get to see these humans?” Harry asked.

Luca looked at his friend. This had been Alberto's idea.

“Tomorrow,” said Albert. “Once you get us back into the factor.

Harry nodded and smiled, showing off teeth even sharper than the sea monsters'. “I figured,” he said. “That's what you hid there, isn't it? The humans? Right?”

Something in Luca's chest tightened. This had already been a bad idea and now he felt like it was getting worse. What was Harry going to think if he figured it out? Or worse, what if he didn't believe they could show him a human, and just threw them out? Luca had never been very good at lying. It was too hard to remember what he'd lied about and make sure it all made sense together, and his mother was too good at finding those holes.

“Um, yes,” Alberto decided. “Yes, they are, and we'll show you tomorrow.”

“I knew it!” Harry said triumphantly. “Why did you bring humans into our world? You must know they're dangerous.” The words were reproachful, but the tone was intrigued.

“They're not, though,” said Luca, desperate to tell the truth about something. “All those things people were saying in class, that they're venomous or will shock you or make you sick, none of that is true.”

“It isn't? How do you know?” Harry asked.

“Because we hang out with humans all the time,” said Alberto. “Some of our best friends are human. My Dad is human. My new Dad. My old dad was a sea monster.”

“I go to school with humans,” Luca agreed.

“And that's... normal?” Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing.

“Um.” Now Luca hesitated. “Not exactly.”

“It's not really common,” Alberto said. “We're from just about the only place where humans and sea monsters get along.”

“In Milano,” said Harry.

“Yes, Milano,” Luca agreed.

“Will you take me there?” Harry asked.

“Well...” Faltering for the first time, Alberto looked at Luca for help.

Luca shook his head. “I don't think so.” It was a bad idea for many reasons, but he picked the one he thought Harry was most likely to agree with. “I don't know if we'd be able to get you back. The lady who found us, Louise, she said they would have to review the door we came in by. So they might get rid of it. It's not worth the risk.”

Harry, however, was not worried at all. “I know where they keep the doors for review. It'll be easy to find it. We'll just wedge it open. They can't deactivate an open door. There are safety protocols.”

Luca tried again. “The humans will be scared of you. You're not like the monsters they know.”

“Giulia's cool,” Alberto offered. “We'll just tell her Harry's a friend of ours, and she'll be fine.”

“Yeah, but it's not Giulia's house,” Luca pointed out. “It's Signora Marsigliese's house, and it's Rocco's room.”

“We'll figure it out,” Alberto said.

Maybe Alberto was just stringing Harry along. They did very much need for this boy to keep being nice to them. Once they got back to the factory, they could find a way to ditch him. Luca would feel bad about that, but taking Harry to Portorosso would be such a disaster, it actually made him feel a little sick.

[titleknown]

KAIJUNE NEO: LUMPY GRAVY

I saw it through the sewer grate. It ate them, head-first. Like a gingerbread man.

It didn't see me, I don't even think it knew it was eating them. It was just... they were there, they were there and it was hungry. It smelled like rotten meat. But that wasn't the worst part.

The worst part was, I could hear laughing. I could hear it in my head. I could hear it in their voices.

-Alan Smith of New York, New York

[Note: The interview subject is smoking a large cigar the whole time. Indoors. In a room with minimal ventilation in the summer. I hate him already.]

My concrete factory... just fucking gone. In an instant. Didn't even get indigestion...

...You know, this wouldn't have happened if you listened to the Prophet. Like, I know it's not "PC" to say that , but PC is why this country is in the shit. People want more, except the truth, that's why things like that're runnin' about.

That Lumpy Gravy shit's just another lazy slacker who wanted more, that's why our troops can't get him, they let the sissies let everyone down. But the prophet's gonna take 'em, he's goinna kill two birds with one stone, it's not clean, but sometimes you work with what you have. "When all you have is a hammer," amirite?

God, at least it got rid of the scum, like the homeless outside. Shame it didn't get that skitzo boy of mine, he keeps saying he's a girl, but I suppose that's not PC to-

[The interview ends abruptly as I get up to punch him in the face.]

--J.A. Henderson of Mortoral, Florida, who should be shot.

Look, I'm just a musician, I don't know what to tell you.

Yeah, I know most of y'all think I'm crazy for making a pilgrimage to this dude for music, but I mean, it worked, didn't it?

Nobody got hurt, me and the band got out a number one album, first doom metal album on the top of the charts in years, I got a million more ideas, and...

Sorry, I got that schpiel for every media-type who comes in here. But you don't seem like the judging type. So it seems like you want something else, right?

Oh. Oh you want to know about that , the song I heard. Well, trade secret bro...

...nah, just joshin' ya, free culture and all. Well it was... a nightmare. Like, I don't regret going there, but I ain't gonna see it twice.

It's like, imagine the sound of pain, a million snuff films in your head clear as day without image or without words. A lot of it was devouring, consumption, digestion, memory as I heard it; but there was some other stuff.

It was like, experiments, reformatting, failure, revenge, something about a demiurge I think? Dunno what that's about. But, hey dude, you're a good reporter, you can figure it out.

-Jolene Gross of Tucson; Arizona, note to see her live one of these days.

Well, the government never helped us, but then again we expected that. Shame the farm's gone. Heh, funny how stockpiling all the guns in the world never helped, like cannonballs in a hurricane. The MREs helped a bit, tho they were almost gone when the thing left.

Farm's gone, I don't know where we're going to go. Doesn't help I took in some of the kids run away from other monsters, or The Prophet. Yeesh, that guy.

But, you always gotta help in a time like this, I don't regret it. Tho it's a mite harrowing finding where we can get some, given all the neighbors I'd ask are facing the same problem, but we'll get by.

I don't have much to give except my testimony, and that ain't much either. I saw it, I heard it, it was the worst thing I've seen. But it reminded me a lot of the second-worst too.

At the pig farms, big operation near town, there was this "lagoon." Not much of a swimmin' lagoon unless you got a death wish. It's where they kept all the pig shit from that hell operation, and worse. They said the stillbirths went in there too. What a way to start, and what a way to go.

Place could necrotize your skin in an instant, most of the people workin there were sick and some degree of half-dead, a few quarter-dead if they were lucky. Sometimes you couldn't see the sun from that sheer fog.

There's that ol story in the bible, where Jesus cast out those demons into that herd of pigs. Cast 'em into that sea. Trouble is, the sea's still there, and if you cast demons into it, it don't go away.

And when it waded into that shit lagoon from underground, rising like the shit of king mountain, when I heard those voices, I thought, it's him. It's Legion. He's back.

Well, before I ran, of course...

-Jim Daniels, of Horsemouth, Iowa, his paypal information is linked at the end of the article

Sometimes, I still hear her voice. It's following me. I think it's following me. I hear her voice and it's screaming in pain but I still hear it it is hers.

I know it's a trick i know it wants me to hear it but shes still in there i can hear her i can know her it just has to eat me it just wants to eat me i dont want to be eaten i want to live but to live without her is to die and to die with her is to live it hurts i can hear her i can hear her i can hear her

-Ray Morris, who ran out of the office after sobbing for several minutes

Like, I know, I know it's horrible, it's an atrocity, but like, business has been great for me so far.

Do you know how much money there is in arranging death pacts? Tontines? Insurance schemes because they won't insure an act of God? This mountain of human suffering is a goldmine, like an actual goldmine without the imperialism!

Look, I'm just providing a service to people who need it, there's no foul play. Well, except for that one guy. But he had it coming, if you were there you'd know.

-Caroline Nacross, allegedly of Brass Ring; North Dakota, though the ID was confirmed fake later

Look, okay, just forget my name, forget my face, but tell my story. This was a fuckup of the highest order. The Brightside project, it almost got results. More the results of what that bastard scientist wanted than what we wanted, but those two were closer than we wanted to admit.

But when that kid broke in, and good on him for doing so, it wasn't just Brightside that got out. We tested on a lot of bodies y'see. I can't call 'em people anymore because... well, I couldn't live with myself if I did. They didn't even look much like people anymore after what he did to 'em.

We didn't sterilize 'em or burn leftovers, we just kept 'em for "future experimentation." I don't think most of the other folks there wanted that, but whatever the boss says goes.

I think he wanted this, if he couldn't pull it off. I think if he couldn't make god, then making the locusts and plagues was good enough, in an interim.

Or, maybe it's worse. He doesn't want a devil to kill us. He wants a Leviathan. A beast of his principles of rule, human minds supplanted E Pluribus Unum, and soon, those other... monsters? Gods? I am unsure of the difference anymore

That bastard has plans upon plans, you gotta watch out for. Because I don't wanna watch anymore. Goodbye.

-[ANONYMOUS] who promptly after finishing Budd Dwyer-ed himself in the interview room. It was hell to get the brains off the wall.

WE ARE HERE. WE ARE ALIVE. WE ARE THE DEAD. WE HATE YOU. WE LOVE YOU. WE ARE HERE.

DO NOT PANIC. IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. PANIC. IT IS THE BEGINNING OF A NEW NIGHTMARE. WE ARE HERE.

WE ARE WE. WE ARE ONE. WE ARE THE OTHERS. WE ARE REBORN. WE ARE STILLBORN. YOUR DEATH WILL NOT BE IN VEIN. YOUR DEATH WILL BE IN PAIN.

THE OLD WORLD IS DYING. THE NEW WORLD IS WAITING TO BE REBORN. NOW IS THE TIME OF GODS. NOW IS THE TIME OF MONSTERS.

-Unknown individual, who promptly melted into a steaming puddle in the office. I dried the sludge and attempted to smoke it. Bad trip. Do not recommend. Saved some for later.

[INTERVIEWS CONDUCTED BY: D.W. DEVLIN]

-----------------------------

So, the finale of Kaijune comes to a close! Song name was based on "Theme from Lumpy Gravy" from Frank Zappa, and boy was this guy a nightmare to make.

Like, he was just a blob of foam with tentacles, but then the tentacles became a nightmare to make, and then melting globs of hot glue without a hot glue gun to give him a blobbier texture, then all the epoxy putty and epoxy paste, all the painting, and lugging him around...

Like, he's part of why this didn't debut in August, he was a late addition, and one I slightly regret.

Tho, I will add as a bit of bonus trivia, the inspiration for The Prophet was actually someone I know in another server talking about how various fundie-types who call themselves "prophets" on Youtube have ended up pumping a ridiculous variety of conspiracy theories into his mom's head.

For an idea of how bonkers those are, one of them was about how the increased presence of mermaids and "sea people" in media was a sign of demonic influence because demons apparently live in the deep sea.

So, I got the idea of coming up with somebody who took that to the next level and used that to amass power in times of even greater crisis than our own. hence, that fucker.

Who I do have plans for next year's Kaijune about, yes siree...

Ability Trivia: Along with all the powers of being an amorphous blob (Albeit, they can only fully squeeze themself through holes his giant skull-like "core" can fit through") they have the demonstrated power to send psychic signals to not just people in a way that drives them mad, but even disrupts communications. So nobody can hear you call for help.

They also, as you've seen assimilate the consciousnesses of those they devour, and can make what passes as "plans" as a consensus of the maddened, pained minds within. And, along with being able to electrify their amorphous surface, they can also use their body as a low-level railgun with all the derbris they inevitably swallow in the course of their rampages

And, then of course there's the matter of the "separants"...

Bonus Trivia: Most kaiju hate him and attack him on sight. Not that he minds. They'll all come to him eventually. Or they won't. Either way doesn't matter, as long as there's a head at the top of the Leviathan...

...And, in that grand (exceedingly late) Kaijune tradition, this character and all related narrative elements are under a CC-BY 4.0 license, as long as I, Thomas F Johnson, am credited as their creator.

Have fun, and see you next year! 

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Amara's Day 2

We started today off with the goal of teaching a young lady about choices! Most important choice? Indoors or Outdoors. But there have been others along the way.

Amara needed to be carried out this morning to the yard for potty time, because she was feeling really anxious about leaving her overnight nest. She'd had an accident overnight without waking us, and I think was feeling scared of how we'd react. When we need to carry her somewhere, we've been establishing consent first to make sure she knows it's safe. Mostly that looks like keeping a respectful distance and offering her the back of our hand or finger tips to sniff. If she leans in and gives a lick, we'll go ahead and approach and pet her a little. If she turns away or growls, we'll drop the hand and try again after a few minutes, usually with a treat. If she takes the treat from our hand, we can pet, but if she waits for it to be on the ground, we give her some space until she seeks out a sniff. Once we're able to pet her without triggering any discomfort, we'll scoop her up with her legs and hind quarters supported and carry her where we need to bring her.

While that *was* how Amara got out to the yard this morning, we were able to get her to return indoors voluntarily! It took about 30min of back and forth before she wasn't afraid to let me close the back door again with her inside, but moving her water bowl and a dish of ground rabbit into the kitchen helped.

Medical observations for today so far are as follows:

Amara is chronically dehydrated (indicated by thinning of skin, poor elasticity, dry nose without heat, etc) and underweight (indicated by manual evaluation of ribs and hips, and full weight while carried) with possible malnutrition. She's eating and drinking well while here, indicating this is likely related to access rather than apetite.

Care plan accommodation: morning meal consisting of wet food, evening meal consisting of kibble moistened with nutritional supplement, and consistent access to her own bowl of water with added electrolytes. Duration 1-2 weeks, or until sufficiently hydrated to see physical improvement. Feed at rate of current weight plus 20% per meal after first week (first week refeeding up to rate for current weight in 1 cup intervals 2x-4x daily as sought) and until rib and hip bones are less sharply visible/felt under the skin.

We've made a lot of trust building progress, and currently Amara will seek out brief affection by seeking the consent process and licking as her affirmative. She also climbed up on the bed for a bit while humans and other animals were on it! She mostly prefers not to be touched, and gets nervous around sudden movements, but she has been able to coexist in shared spaces with the dogs, cats, and people largely without issue today!

She makes a BIG SIGH whenever she relaxes in a cozy spot, and she crosses her front paws just like Jaxxine does.

We're gonna try the outside again voluntarily soon and see if she's up for it, but first I have to get dinner started (harissa-tahini gravy with wilted greens over meatballs served inside of baked sweet potatoes bowls) so I can leave it to simmer while I supervise the pups. I'm hoping the kitchen time will help with the gradual adjustment back outside since it's an in-between space.

I think even if we don't get to bath time until later this week, we can still call today a victory if she goes in and out willingly and starts to learn the potty schedule. I'm going to mix a spray tonight and try to use tomorrow for introducing her to the curry comb so we can work towards cleaning her wounds and completing a more thorough physical exam.

[jayde-jots]

Busy, busy! I got a whole train weekend vacation coming up! Okay, so tomorrow is a special day at the miniature railway where I volunteer at, we're having a special event going on so that means we'll be running night trains! We're gonna be open from I think 11am to 10pm, with it ironically enough being in the middle of a heatwave as we watch summer supposed to be dying off LOL. Then after that on labour day, I'll be going to the Newport railway workshops! I'll get to see more of the big boys in person! Which means more pictures! And this time I'll be sure to get a few more video's in, it'll be grate! Idk if they'll steam any of the engines up... propably not since it'll be close to the 40s tomorrow (thats 104*F for those who read farienhieght).

Anywho! Hot day with hot trains! I'm probably gonna come to uni the next day with a sunburn though 😅, wish me luck! Or comment you wanna see me look like an ugly prawn. Vote now!

[yourblankey]

Snow-Woman

Pairing: platonic!Deidara x platonic!fem!reader, platonic!Hidan x platonic!fem!reader, platonic!male!OC x platonic!fem!reader

Genre: crack, comedy, christmas time, detailed snow-woman, snow ball fights

Summary: Deidara and Hidan drag Y/n and Yumo (male oc) out of the lair— even when Pain had advised them not to go outside for the day— to build a snow-woman.

WARNING: inappropriate language, swearing, mentions of female body parts, violence(?), touching, and Hidan.

A/N: Another re-write! For those who might be confused, Yumo is the male OC that is Y/n's partner in the Akatsuki.

It was a snowy, cold day near the Akatsuki's hideout. The members of said organisation were ordered to stay indoors due to the height of the snow that had fallen the night before.

But two Akatsuki members just couldn't keep their excitement for snow in their minds. And they just had to force two other members to come with them.

"Y/nnnnnnnn! Come on! It's bright and cool outside." Deidara whined to Y/n while trying to pull her out of bed. With her strength, she held onto the bed stand to prevent Deidara from getting her out of bed. "It's way too bright. Besides, Pain said not to go out today."

The long-haired boy groaned and sat on her bed. "If you don't come out, I'll rip your books." She opened her eyes just a little bit and looked at him.

"You wouldn't dare."

"You're right, I wouldn't dare.”

She stays silent for about five seconds before sighing. "Fine fine I'll get ready. But we better not get caught. I'm only going out so I can get some of that nice, fresh air. I can't stand the smell in this hideout."

"Afraid of your own kind, Yumo? Just get the hell out of bed!" The sleeping boy did not respond to the jashinist. "Dammit man! What's the harm?" Hidan slaps Yumo's leg, but creates no effect on the male. "Pain." Yumo responds tiredly.

Deidara walks into the room with a tired Y/n. Yumo finally looks up. "Yeah, everyone. Come to my room. We're having a party." He voices sarcastically.

"Man you too? Though you would want to be with your family." Deidara said, pointing to the window. "Oh wait you can't see them." Yumo's head snaps up to retort about the offensive comment until Hidan had shot the curtains open. The light immediately covered the room; the colour and brightness of the snow made it worse.

"ACK!" Yumo yelled out in surprise and covered his eyes. Y/n closed her eyes and fell onto her partner's bed. "You two are just overreacting. Now get dressed up. We're gonna go outside."

The four Akatsuki members step further away from their base. "Did we really have to come out now? It's still snowing for Pain's sake..." Y/n muttered, taking big steps in the 3-inch snow. "He's going to deduct our pay for not listening!" She continued, kicking the snow at Hidan. "Hey! Watch it bit—"

Deidara turned to the three. "We'll be back in soon! Besides, deducting our pay would be too much." Yumo scoffed. "Too much? Pain himself is too much." Y/n and Hidan nod in agreement.

Then Deidara stopped in his place. "This is it. Today, lady and gentlemen, we're making a snow-woman!" Hidan clapped while Yumo and Y/n remained silent.

"Okay now what does that have to do with us?" Yumo asked, clearly tired of Deidara's and Hidan's shenanigans. "Well Hidan is a pervert and will know the sizes and shapes of a woman's body—" The gray-haired male's head snaps towards the Barbie.

"HEY—"

"Y/n is a woman herself. Self-explanatory."

"DON'T IGNORE ME—"

"And Yumo, my friend..."

Deidara approaches Yumo and places his hands on his shoulder. "You know everything about the human body." Then it was a quiet staring contest between the two until the blunt male breaks it. "It's snow."

Hidan was rolling the second ball of snow for the torso of the body. "I can't believe I'm doing this..." Yumo muttered, patting the snow on the body.

The jashinist placed the second ball on top of the bottom a little too aggressively that pieces of the snow splattered onto Yumo and Y/n. "Calm down you jack-ass." The only lady said, kicking his ankle. "You calm down, woman." He said, looking at Deidara.

The yellow-haired male was panting heavily while rolling a small ball of snow for the head. "Tired already?" Y/n called out, shaping out the torso. "S-Shut up!" Deidara exclaimed out of embarrassment and exhaustion.

The female sighs. "Hidan, get the boobs." He nods and puts his hands on her chest. "What the fuck are you doing? I meant for the snow-woman you stupid twat!" He quickly takes his hands off, afraid of getting hit by Y/n. He quickly walks away and gathers small balls of snow.

Yumo comes back from who knows where and shows Y/n two pebbles. "Nipples." He simply says and she nods. "Accurate."

After a few minutes, the four had successfully created a life-sized snow-woman. Hidan yelled out in victory, hitting Yumo's arm.

Yumo had a snow ball bawled up in his hands. After a second of Hidan hitting his arm, he swung his hand right in the other male's face and shoved the snow in his mouth.

Y/n and Deidara laughed and stepped back. Hiss immediately spat out the snow. "Y-You choked me!" Hidan grabbed snow from behind him and attempted to swing the ball at Yumo but he ended up hitting the female. "Oh shit—"

Y/n got some snow and flung it at Hidan. Deidara decided to join in and also got snow. He hit Hidan's ass pretty hard. "WHY THE HELL IS EVERYONE HITING ME?!"

He began kicking the snow towards Yumo who had dodged it. At this point, the three youngsters circled around Hidan and attacked him with snow balls.

Deidara threw the snow ball at Hidan, though he dodged and the ball ended up hitting Yumo. "Oops." The white-haired male threw a snow-ball back to the Barbie, who yelped and threw himself to the side.

Yumo and Y/n start attacking both Hidan and Deidara. The two partners were side by side, hitting the other members who were hiding behind trees.

"HEY THATS NO FAIR THE STRONGEST MEMBERS ARE ATTACKING BOTH OF US!" Hidan screamed, trying to throw another snowball at Y/n but she hits him right in the face. Deidara laughs at him, making him growl. "Oh yeah, you little girl?!" He throws a snow ball at him. "Hey!"

They all laughed and screamed at each other while throwing snow-balls at each other's faces. It was probably the most fun they've had in a while.

Though unfortunately, their fun was cut short. A familiar orange-haired leader had come out, knowing that his youngest members were up to no good. He growled in annoyance. He wasn't at all surprised but he was disappointed.

"Everybody." The four immediately froze in their places, snowballs in hand and poses intact. "I thought I had told you to stay indoors."

They all awkwardly straightened up and approached their leader, looking down and unable to meet his eye.

Pain looked down at them, his arms crossed and a face with no emotion except with a little anger. "I'm deducting 40% off your pay." The troublemakers then started making noises of dissatisfaction.

"C'mon Pain! We just wanted to have fun—"

"Play your ridiculous board games inside. Now go."

Deidara sighs and looks down, dejected. The four start slowly walking to the hideout. Hidan had an angry and defeated expression. Yumo had a blank expression. Y/n straight up looked sad.

"Man, this is all your fault..." Deidara muttered to Hidan, who irked at the comment. "MY FAULT?! THIS WAS YOUR IDEA." He yelled at him, making the Barbie cover his ears. "You might've scared off the entire area." Yumo mumbled, not wanting to talk but he wanted to insult him anyway. "SHUT UP!" Y/n slapped the back of his head, making the jashinist hiss in pain.

As the four were out of sight, Pain looked back at the snow-woman they had built. He started to walk around it.

"I see they had made a sculpture of a woman. With Yumo's skills, he was able to correctly determine the average size of breasts for this height. Hidan is just a pervert. Deidara knows how to shape and size it due to his useful skill for making clay. Y/n is a lady herself..." He mumbled to himself.

"... I guess I'll just deduct 30% off their pay. They did a good job, after all. Even during this weather. They even took the time to have that ridiculous snow ball fight." Pain finally said.

Then suddenly, the tree branch above him couldn't stand it any longer and dropped a lot of snow onto him.

[bayoubashsims]

Small Tour of the Now Finished Addams Family Rooms

Managed to get my Addams Family mansion to work again cause I need to finish a lot of other rooms. Here's a tour.

This is the play room in the basement. It was a pool table, sarcophagus, iron maiden, pinball machine, axe throwing, and exercising equipment. Any suggestions for what else I should put in it?

The wine cellar. Absolutely forgot they had to have one. It exists underneath the ballroom, rather than kitchen as in the 1991 film (I am NOT going to make that floorplan work).

Before we go upstairs, we're gonna see the great kitchen. I've put on all the pots and pans I could find that would fit and I put the volcano juice cauldron in the corner. I decided that Grandmama's witch's cauldron should be in her own small kitchen, the one underneath the foyer.

The dining room, revamped. Decided to go with the double wide table to parallel the double archway and I added the diagonal windows like the Charles Addams cartoons. Might need to make the entry to the conservatory bigger but we'll see.

I tried to incorporate like, indoor balconies or whatever the term is like in the original cartoons. This one leads to the basement landing.

Going further down the hall, I based this on the deleted music video of Michael Jackson's 'Is It Scary' and the Addams Family Values. I much prefer this idea than the 1991 film floorplan.

The ballroom. Oh goody, the chandeliers don't make my game crash!

In the second floor, more of those weird balconies. This time they're half-height. They're for the shorter Addams family members and things to traverse through the house undetected.

Gomez's train room.

Wednesday's attic (from the 1991 film).

The main attic area, containing storage, Grandmama's sewing corner, and the torture furniture.

I love those windows. They really emphasize the whole attic wall thing.

Finally, Fester's laboratory. I didn't want to make this room into a veritable junk room like in the 1993 film where the family almost got electrocuted, so I decided to neaten it up by mainly making it a laboratory for Fester.

[trust-m3]

News reporter: sorry for the urgent news break but this afternoon an unknown cases of people getting murdered has been reported.

News reporter: Victims who witnessed the crime stated that the murderers they saw are people who had pass away years ago.

News reporter : although we don't have that much evidence of what are the victims have been seeing for the past few months but Various professionals are still researching what is the cause of this uncanny situation, we will get back to you as soon as we have the answer.

News reporter: we advise everyone to please stay indoors, as well as keeping the doors locked, shut the windows and– ca-- [REDACTED]

News reporter: --1- an- Don't trust anyone–----

Juza:Muku are you okay?

Muku: we're all gonna die...

Muku: we have no hope it's all over for the three of us..

Juza: For the last time muku we're gonna be okay-

Muku: JUCHAN CAN YOU NOT SEE? EVERYONE'S DYING, OPEN YOUR EYES JUCHAN, I'VE HEARD THAT A HUNDRED TIMES ALREADY AND WHAT HAPPENED? NOTHING

Muku: WE DON'T EVEN HAVE FOOD LEFT TO BEGIN WITH!

Muku: we can't survive just by staying in this house, how many days have we been here? IT'S BEEN 3. DAYS. JUCHAN AND NO ONE HASN'T COME HERE TO SAVE US

Muku: what if it's really..... The end of us

Muku: If- if they're going to kill us, they should kill me first im- I'm just a useless bits of fried up flour that was left in the oil fryer-

Juza: Muku- muku calm down we're not gonna die, stop thinking about that.

Juza: If we believe in eachother everything will work out easily, trust me

Juza: if no one's coming to save us then we can by ourselves. We're stronger than you thought muku

Kumon: Listen to niichan muku, even if things are getting a lil freaky outside our home we'll stick together no matter what.

Juza: Kumon's right muku, don't lose hope

Kumon: and everything is gonna be fine because your best cousins are here to make you smile again!

Muku: Juchan... Kyuchan....

Juza: muku we've all been through the same situation as you muku, but we got to beat them up think about yourself too, aunt sakisaka will surely be proud of you if you stand for yourself so cheer up.

Muku:....thanks juchan :')

Kumon: hhnngghff hate to break it but I'm kinda hungry tonight I've eaten all the canned food earlier

Kumon: we should have bought some groceries before this happens

Juza: None of us wouldn't know this will happen kumon.

Kumon: i know niichan, everything just happened so quickly, like everyone turned to zombie

Muku: Uuuuuuuwaaaa ma-maybe they're actually zombies!

Kumon: but... Zombies eat not kill- AH! Or an Alien invasion!!?

Muku: !?!? AWAWAWA WHAT IF THEY FIND US AND TAKE OUR HOME WITH THEIR SHIP AND- AND IMPLANT ALIENS INSIDE US--- HNSKMEKSNSK

Kumon: Wha- i wouldn't let that happen to you muku! I'll protect you from them!!!

Muku: th-thank you kyuchan im glad you're here with me

Juza:....

Juza: mmhhnnm

Juza: i think i still have a few sweets stored in my room, lets just eat that for tonight

Muku and kumon:!?

Juza: you guys wait here im going to my room

....

Juza: Tadaa~

Kumon and muku:!?!?!?!!?!!!

Kumon: As expected of niichan!

Kumon: You even have energy bars! This is good

Juza: yeah..

Juza: But we can't just eat this everyday I can't let you guys get sick because of me again.

Muku: this is enough for the both of us, me and kyuchan.

Juza: but still

Juza: I have to go out there and get food

Kumon: niichan!? you can't go out there alone in the middle of the night! We'll go with you

Juza: no. It's not safe for you two to go out there

Kumon:niichan it is dangerous out there, please reconsider this!

Juza: kumon didn't you said, i am strong and can beat everyone's asses in 1 second

Kumon: that is not the point niichan- there are strange things happening in this world, This is different!

Juza: don't worry i can defend myself, besides i got our lucky baseball bat here

Muku: Juchan i know i said something earlier but please, don't risk your life just for us

Juza:...

Juza:...if you guys are that worried, then I'll stay here with you guys instead.

Kumon: thank you niichan, we won't be complete without you.

Juza: don't worry I won't leave you two alone

Kumon: hehe, anyways let's go munch this up! Im starvin'!

Juza: yeah, let's eat.

Muku: uwa! Juchan also had my favourite chocolates!

Kumon: I'll eat these energy bars, muku do you want some?

.....

[metropolitanmutantofark]

The Messenger, Eclipse

Part 2, Chapter 2 - helloworldlog.tra Chapter 1

It was a little crowded, but eventually, Eclipse and I found a parking spot. "Right," he began, stepping out of the camper. "I'm gonna drop you off to get those shots," he explained. "Then while you're in there, I'll be grabbing Tracy and making sure she's gone through the backup process all right. We'll meet with you at the clinic," he explained, checking his pockets to make sure he had all his gadgets and tools with him. "If anything happens, we'll send a call to the office over there. They're nice people, really."

"If anything happens?" I repeated. "Why'd you say that? It's just Earth, isn't it? A little... far in the future, sure, but it's still just Earth."

"Yeah, that's why I said that."

I rolled my eyes and sighed, shoving my hands into my pockets. "Yeah. Right. Well, don't I feel respected?"

It took us a good deal of walking, and plenty of pushing past the crowd, so by the time we reached the clinic, my clothes were already starting to become as dirty as those around us. Eclipse's jacket was starting to get small gray spots over the mint color, and every so often, dust would settle from the massive highways above us and cascade over the crowd of pedestrians. No two people seemed to be walking in the exact same direction, save for us. The ground beneath our feet had been trampled down into dirt long ago, and I couldn't spot a blade of grass that hadn't been blackened by the constant foot traffic and lack of sunlight.

When we came to a building, Eclipse guided me through the cleaning apparatus at the front door - long tubes dangled from the ceiling, each hollow on the bottom. He picked up the bottom end of a tube and clicked a button, starting up a gust of wind. At first, I thought it would blow the dust off, but when he touched it to my sleeve, I was startled to find that it was a vacuum instead. Protected from the elements inside this antechamber, it was somewhat easy to get all the dust and smog off - through both of us needed to get each other's backs.

"Very clean future," I remarked, somewhat dimly.

"You get used to it. There are cleaner years. Development of the highways up above creates a dust bowl. It's hard to grow anything out here because of the dim light - but the less grass there is, the more dust kicks up. In about forty years, when the top tracks get taken down, it's a little clearer. Air's still thick, though you don't seem to mind it," he teased, bringing me forward.

The inside of this building was much prettier than the outside. Finally, things seemed futuristic - very bright indoors, with silvery-white floors and walls with the strangest wall art I'd ever seen. Nothing with much color, of course - it seemed the future was monochrome, abstract and minimalist. "This is what a strip mall looks like?"

"Around here, yeah. Other parts of the world, they look the same. That's mostly in otherwise-undeveloped areas or farmlands, though. Places where the highway doesn't really need to go."

"What about the Amish?" I asked. "How are the Amish doing under all this?"

"Why do you ask?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "I mean - I'll give that to you, my last assistant didn't ask that question when he came here. Are you Amish, or something?"

"No, but you hear about them all the time," I explained. "What do their farms and fields look like?"

He held his breath for a moment as he thought, having taken a breath to answer me but having no words to respond with. "Tell you what - if there's any delivery we've got to make to an Amish family in 4154, you'll be the first to hear about it. As far as I know, though, the asphalt shell circles most of the Earth except necessary farms, and the occasional city. Oh, and Brazil and Australia," he explained. "They both seceded a while back, long enough not to get the highway built."

"If this is where we're headed as a world, I'm glad I'm not gonna live long enough to see it up close," I replied. "So, what brings someone to start odd-jobbing like this?"

"Huh? Oh, my society was pretty gifted when it came to travel, so it was sort of obvious I'd pick something with that in mind," he explained. "But there's a ton of rules you have to follow when you start traveling in time. I joined up with the Express so I wouldn't have to stick to so many rules, since management does that for you."

"Right, yeah, I figured all that out by myself. I'm talking about your long-term plans, though," I answered. "Like, where do you see yourself in ten, twenty years?"

He stayed quiet for a moment, then nodded. "Right, no, right. Here," he answered, smiling. "I think I told you earlier, really long lifespan. But if you're asking what my plans for the future are, I suppose I'll start working my way back up the chain at the Express until they trust me enough to stick in."

"I think that's where I'd want to go next," I added. "If time-travel is such a common thing between that group, then let's go there and get you all signed and sealed, just so I could get used to the structure of it all." Eclipse had nothing to say after I suggested it - though I was a little busy with my next thought to let him say anything. "Have you already introduced me?" I asked. "I mean, I didn't really think about it now, but why would you pick me out of anyone else to be your 'handler'?"

"Outside of the fact that you so kindly lent me your parking space-"

"Yeah, obviously outside that," I added.

"Well, friendliness, mostly. I won't lie, before I signed on with the Express and all, I was pretty directionless. Whatever society I used to belong to, I wasn't very good at anything. I can't remember much from before I became a Parasite, but I was also just sort of bouncing between careers, wondering what I'd do. I was an amateur at just about anything I did, and I guess I sort of saw that when you mentioned how many classes you took." He gently reached out, patting me on the back. "But we'd probably best get on track, right?" He checked his watch. "Ten minutes to the appointment, looks like. You'll do fine. While you're in, I'll go pick up Tracy, and we'll get all that business sorted with the Express in the meantime. We'll go when we get a call to deliver a package, how about it?"

I smiled. "Sounds like a plan to me."

A moment of silence passed between us, even in the crowded public interior.

"Eclipse?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you calling me a dilettante?"

He suddenly took a step away from me. It was a smart decision - his face did look pretty easy to slap, all of a sudden.

TRACIE Roaming Android Log Relative Chronometer - 24Y - 4M - 16D - 13.24.53.2 Objective Era - Second Empire of North America, 0004154 A.D. Date - 11/24 12.45.16 PM Condition - In Repair

<[OPERATOR] enters. His clothes are covered in dust. [Passenger Two - WANDERER] is no longer present with him.> 12.45 [OPERATOR]: Sorry I was gone so long. Got a bit hard to push her into the office. Gave her a stress ball and a paper bag, but she's an adult, she'll be alright. 12.45 [TRACIE]: You are certain she will comply? 12.46 [OPERATOR]: I don't know. I guess it's more of a question of how long she complies for. Shouldn't take too long to give her those shots, that much is for sure. <[OPERATOR] stands at my upper console. I raise my eyes.> 12.46 [TRACIE]: Inquiry. 12.46 [OPERATOR]: Outquiry. 12.46 [TRACIE]: Destination? <[OPERATOR]'s arms stop before finding a spot at rest. He shifts his weight back and forth on his feet.> 12.48 [TRACIE]: Repeat- Destination? 12.48 [OPERATOR]: Nearest tavern, for information. <I walk to my upper console and flip the subjective location scanner. [OPERATOR] types out his subjective inquiry on the destination keyboard.> 12.48 [TRACIE]: Inquiry. 12.48 [OPERATOR]: You can just ask a question whenever you want. I figured you'd have had enough time backing yourself up. 12.49 [TRACIE]: Files corrupted. 12.49 [OPERATOR]: Check again. 12.49 [TRACIE]: Files corrupted. 90% of mission-critical files erased. 12.49 [OPERATOR]: Erased? Tracy, you didn't have to do that. 12.49 [TRACIE]: Incorrect. Direct operator instruction. 12.49 [OPERATOR]: Since when? <I connect to the central display screen using the console. [Video File Incompatible].> 12.50 [OPERATOR]: I see. 12.50 [TRACIE]: Assuming permission to make inquiries. What happened while I was offline? 12.50 [OPERATOR]: Don't worry about it too much. The Express caught on. You told me they would, but I didn't listen. I guess I couldn't find a repair station before we landed in 2020. I'm sorry. 12.51 [TRACIE]: Additional inquiry - location of Passenger One - MINT. 12.51 [OPERATOR]: Mint? Oh, right. Is there some reason you'd want to know? 12.51 [TRACIE]: My condition was critical at the start of my last shutdown. Your condition was critical. Heart rate was raised by 40%. Passenger One- <[OPERATOR] pulls the engine switch.> 12.51 [OPERATOR]: He has a name. 12.52 [TRACIE]: Passenger Everett Ellis was additionally in critical condition. Lastly- 12.52 [OPERATOR]: You don't have to tell me the obvious. Look, you can see it, I can see it - we don't need to talk about it. I'll fill you in on it later, OK? 12.52 [TRACIE]: Rule four. 12.52 [OPERATOR]: Excuse me? 12.52 [TRACIE]: Rule four. Never lie. <[OPERATOR] hits the return button on the destination keyboard. My engines begin to grind to a standstill as we arrive.> 12.53 [OPERATOR]: ...getting lectured by my own robot, in my own stupid ship... <[OPERATOR] walks towards topmost exit. He beckons me to follow.> 12.53 [OPERATOR]: Come on. If you're going to stay on, we're gonna need to get you used to being a person again. We're getting information. 12.53 [TRACIE]: 90% of mission-critical files deleted. 12.53 [OPERATOR]: Yeah. You don't have to worry about that, you've got subroutines for going outside the ship. 12.54 [TRACIE]: 90% of mission-critical files deleted. <[OPERATOR] runs forward. His hands move to my cheeks. His eyes repeatedly circle over my face.> 12.54 [OPERATOR]: Tracy, you didn't have to... 12.54 [TRACIE]: Incorrect. Direct operator instruction. 12.54 [OPERATOR]: What's left? 12.55 [TRACIE]: Personality subroutine - codename "structural support", Key Coordinates, Passenger and Operator privilege logs. 12.55 [OPERATOR]: Right. Well, switch on the structural support. If you're still in BIOS, these next instructions are important, so don't forget them. Do not write over what was deleted. Try to piece it together from what data you have left. We're going to be spending a lot of time trying to rebuild it, but I promise we'll get those files back some way or another. 12.55 [TRACIE]: Final inquiry before reboot. 12.56 [OPERATOR]: Go ahead. 12.56 [TRACIE]: Operator designation? 12.56 [OPERATOR]: Right - no, right. It's Eclipse.

12.56 [TRACIE]: He would be proud of you.

12.56 [ECLIPSE]: I didn't- Tracy, what do you mean by- END OF LOG - SYSTEM SHUTDOWN Condition: In Repair

Passenger Conditions: OPERATOR: [New Designation - ECLIPSE] In Repair MINT: [PRESUMED INVALID] WANDERER: Nominal

[harmcityherald]

its critter care day here at the manor. foremost and pixie are in so much better state without Bruce banging back and forth in the little 10g tank. I debreeded some plants from their tank and with a little dappled sunlight coming in the tank looks pretty dogone good. we're back to having a peaceful girl's tank. lets keep our fingers crossed for bruce. He has become the definition of tank enrichment.

pixie is so tiny. I've yet to get a good shot of her. foremost doesn't like the sun. which seems to be nominal snail behavior. on the other hand, the turtle tank needs a desludging very badly. the water is murky And Bruce has not been spotted for 2 days. We wish him all the best His behavior did calm down once he got in the bigger tank He seemed to mellow out And the turtles were leaving him alone other than idle curiosities But we all know what goes on behind the curtain of the dinosaur brain. These are the girls who brought down the magnificent 5 In one gloriously murderous night. Bruce doesn't have the gift of hindsight or the history to help him. I still feel badly about it Even though he was a feeder fish and he only cost 0.65¢!! So already he's had more life than he would have had If someone else had bought him as a feeder fish. He could have still been living happily in the 10 gallon with foremost and pixie but he was an absolute brutal Roommate. I had my own version of the trolley problem.

And on that note today is winter time filter cleaning so I am now wrapping up the filter pulling out all the hoses making sure everything's wrapped up before I can carry it outside open it up and completely clean it in and out. So it's big water change day. Hopefully we'll see Bruce along the way somewhere.

behold the dark waters of the loch. We must beware what beasts we may find lurking at the bottom. Not to worry it's going to look so much better after.

All of my indoor plants have been watered. And a few plants from outside have been brought in to save them over the winter. I had 2 pineapple plants that were outside all summer. But as soon as it starts getting colder they start to suffer it's time for them to come in. Also a couple coleus and a couple spider plants. They could probably stay outside a little bit more there's no freeze warning and I don't think we're close to freezing But I do believe that since they're tropical plants that they more than likely do not prefer the cold weather.

And you know that we always try to give the critters what they need and what they want. its the least we can do as caretakers. we owe it to them for separating them from nature. It's something I always feel a little bit strongly about. If these turtles were not more or less a rescue from an already abusive life then the least I can do is try to provide them a better environment for them to live out their days in comfort or as close as we can provide. Yes It's my choice And I see 3 turtles in the Wild I'm going to know how much room it takes to house them comfortable. And I'm gonna know that it's a bad idea and it's particularly morally wrong for the turtle. They belong in the wild. Sadly that is not life they got. What they got was life in a dark basement in a tiny light blue colored kiddie swimming pool. No tank enrichment whatsoever. I do like to feel that I do much better for them. All 3 are doing well and they appear happy and they're not fighting although Waffle Has been showing a little bit of digging behavior so we are on the lookout for another egg. But all that aside it is filter cleaning day. It's just warm enough for me to attempt to try to do that. I invariably get all wet.

😸in feline news......

all my kitties are doing well. Even Wilma and the tuxedo man from outside. Tuxedo man showed up about a week ago and Wilma has been letting him have some food and tolerating his presence which makes my downstairs indoor boys absolutely green with jealousy. They are in the same window latched on to the screen with their nails, hanging on staring out at their girlfriend making time with the neighbor. It's quite comical.

here's Milo primping it up to impress wilma with his favorite toy the paper bags in the background. he is obsessed with paper bags. He is our star mouser. And yes my Halloween tree is still up it stays up until Christmas eve, period, stop staring at it. thank you.

well that's about it for critter news at the manor and I've got a filter to wrestle.

eat some lunch. take your meds. stay hydrated and if you have to pick up a filter full of turtle sludge water and carry it outside make sure you lift correctly. Let me remind you that turtle sludge water makes excellent fertilizer. ok, spreading love wherever I go.

ciao~

[the-firebird69]

The Tennessee Cave Where Jack Daniel's Sources The Purest Water For Its Whiskey (msn.com)

This is their own stuff and they're messing around with it again everyone knows limestone is a base and acid destroys bacteria so we started to come down on them out there for their evil rhetoric they began falling we took out a bunch of them and they lost then they still work there but they are losing ground soon they lose the place so they're trying to besmirk it to make sure that they lose it that's what they're up to and these people are a silly little losers we don't want them around and we don't want them in our face. so. they go around saying stuff get in o ur face w e slam them down. nd yes over tthe pst few days. they cannot meet prodcution At all in any way not to mention exceeded or trying to do things that others aren't and they ask them those questions and they said we can't meet regular production. You're pushing too hard you have him saying it we realize why but we just can't do it and they said this if they can't get the whiskey they can actually get the charcoal if we can't get that they can try and make it just some of them will get sick but really this stuff makes you really really badly sick so they know about it they said it's a good effort and they heard of sunshine what else can I really do they don't have too many hobbies and you guys are the hobby if you need production we can make and meet your schedules until it comes down then they said this we don't need this madman helping us but we do need it and I said we have regular people making it we just make sure they don't contaminate it or change the recipe and they said this we have to go try and find out who it is so trying to see who we are engage what to do and they're making mistakes and stuff they all do and one of them and one of them labs and it was horrible so we tell them they can come back later when they feel sane and they said we have a lot of orders and they and we said how many. Volume. Spit it out and then said 10 million cases a day and we said did it take us a couple weeks to get up there and they said good let's start so we sat down and we are making up an agreement and the sun said it's a good thing because we can start and then get bigger and bigger but we will have a relationship that's growing and they said that's not a bad way to look at it so they calm down and said usually it takes a month and we said it won't take that long so we're going ahead with the idea and we're going ahead now and we have a lot of drain and a lot of weed and they said perfect timing so gonna get it together it's one of the major major whiskey brands coming to us they know that we know how to do it and most of their facilities are indoors and meet all the health stuff the first one there is a little old fashioned but somebody takes the tractor that they were using and they use it they're using it to make Newport a reality and we don't approve of that kind of behavior but that's what they're doing more shortly and we do have other whiskey manufacturers coming to us we're in discussions and we'll probably have a deal today or tomorrow makers mark is one of them And Jim Beam those are the big three and they make production volume it's actually where it all is it's in those three other types of alcohol they're calling now especially vodka they can't seem to get the potatoes right and we're moving on it right now.

Thor Freya

Olympus

we have ideas and on other beers.

Hera

we need them in now

Thor Freya

gatehr up from the perimeter and put it just beyond. and make the brews. and we agree Heffenreffer an we have a leed person. and the old way tood.

Hera

good ideas we need them cant do it but this way we can. we start now

Thor Freya

i may have one. and yeh ok it is Duff and no duff lol ahahah lol and you can be him yes duff man

mac daddy

Olympus

and what what id i say ahahah lol nad i call in and it is huge massive voluem he says i agree the eatery is old schooolf ood is better i wiould be instnatnly rich

mac daddy

and us elsinore we try it o it see it

doug and dave mckenie the mckenzie brothes

ok ok

Hera