#we'll see what i do this summer
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augh june bride augh..........
augh june bride augh..........the flower arrangements + gloves r so nice T_T rly wanna see the live2d, like, in the last event the flowers within the bottles were animated too...... <-weak to flowers
(laughed
man heaths bday card is ssooooooooo nice tho...the pose...the expression.........the wind........rlyyyyyyy pretty...................why is figaro drinking again. iw as zooming in to see what hes in front of. only to see a drink. im not making it up am i. u. i like his expression a looooot.....i rly do prefer last yrs bday set tho, they had a lot more 'wow' factor for my initial reactions to them LOL rutiles was unreal
anyway closing in on tanabata....do not disappoint me
#stardust speaking !#i always feel like the (posts a pic of the most mid anime man uve ever seen) whenever i talk about their cards but its the#emotional investment#anyway thiniking about farming sims again. 'ure always thinking about farming sims' I AM but. i also wanna write a billion muses from it#but i nvr do. but since i separated my gbf muses from my multi mayhaps......LOL#most of my multi muses are in the 'i just wanna have fun' category anyway.................aaaaa i rly should. all i play is farming sims#we'll see what i do this summer#lanna my beloved
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i am still sulking about no aster. (give me a few days and a couple watermelons and i'll be back to normal)
#i was one of the people who (after the reveal) fell to their knees in the burger king parking lot. maybe even wailed skyward for a smidge#my petty side says the silhouette tease and tagline HAD to have been intentional to get us to think of aster#my rational side says that they probably did not think that hard about it#and NO they are NOT intentionally bullying familiar fans and feeding off their betrayed tears /... i hope 😂#no ears and tail.... twink who gets burnt.... WHAT WE COULD HAVE HAD....#me 1: don't you like garu? what's the problem?#me 2: i'm CONFLICTED ok. i can like the char but still feel BITTERLY DESTROYED ABOUT LOST POTENTIAL#I NEEEED THE TRANSGRESSIOnS. THE BREAKS IN THE PATTERNS!!!!#oh if we had a familiar treated as a clan member. an aster dante quincy banner. unbelievable. the comedy of it all#i mean. at least this trio is a new combo. AND they haven't been in summer banners before...?#er. summer banners likE THIS. with the beachwear and stuff.#gaAAAHHH but tthe fact that they made it garu#MEANS THAT WIPES OUT ANY IMMINENT DREAMS OF MY TRIPLE YOKAI EVENT#aaaaaahhh. i see. THAT's what this is about#what? like they're gonna suddenly break the pattern and have an event that's JUST yakumo and kuya?#please. we have seen by now that no molds shall be broken. *pathetic sniff*#i guess we'll just keep doing the same top-bottom pairs forever...#and certain characters will never get to mingle with others because they've been SORTED#into HOLE FILLER and HOLE FILLED-EE#*rolls around on the floor in a melodramatic whiny flopfest*#LET THEM ALL ROAM FREE RAAAAAAAAAAANGE
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boyish - chapter 8 14.1k words | 75.7k words total | loscar
“Good,” Logan muses. He picks their hands up, lifting his head just so, enough to press a kiss to Oscar’s knuckles. “You’re mine first, baby.” Oscar laughs again, inching a bit closer as Logan drops their hands. “Obviously.”
hello. as promised... boyish chapter eight <3 for some reason it ended up being fucking. fourteen thousand words. which is a whole the red parts this time!! spiraling out of control welcome to hell ANYWAYS look at me posting before midnight my time?? that is crazy?? when it comes to me and this fic?? idk man enjoy several more thousand words of the idiots being idiots <3
+ here is a link to chapter one if you would prefer :)
#every chapter i get closer to what was once a 'maybe unrealistic goal'#it's 100k words. fyi#i'm gonna do it#i WILL be the 100k fic i yearn for in my fav rarepair tag#but for now. 75k word fic#we'll get there exclamation point#i see some scenes from ch9 so clearly in my head#summer break more like. kills self#boyish.miamis#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 fic rec#loscar
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Thinkin on it again and i think one of the reasons i liked Firmament chapter 2 so much, aside from the cool library plot aspect, is that it was so character driven.
Especially with the expansion on Tatterdemelion and the introduction of Summer (im obsessed with her but we knew that), it gave such a fun, chill way to have us bond with the characters well still advancing the plot in an interesting way
I've been so in want of NPC expansion and i really hope that the rest of the story continues along that line
and doesn't fall too far into the specific kind of body horror aspects i cant personally deal with lol
#i managed through light fingers okay so we'll see XD and ive kinda been through a weird brain place re: the body lately#i really liked it. i really liked those specific characters... i want more.#i always feel vaguely stuck creative wise when a story is in process#because i dont... idk. when i dont have a full image of a character i struggle to create?#like. similar reason i dont do a lot with SH. i still feel like im missin too much info#ill def draw summer at some pt i have ideas of the back brain#but i cant really form a full character dynamic with my own ocs quite yet until I Know#(and yall know what i suspect so IT would be a big doozy if true)#prophet's fl nonsense#firmament fl
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Your essay on Joong's underrated acting skills deepened my Joong appreciation so much, that I watched Mafia the Series, I'm watching Ploy's Yearbook (even though there is a serious lack of Joong so far), and I'm planning on watching The Warp Effect too. I haven't watched het shows in over ten years, so this is a big deal! 😂 I really liked him with Dunk in their shows, but MTS gave me another facet of him, because he's so timid in it, unlike in SIMM and HA, where he's (seemingly) very cool and in control. So thank you for making me a full time Joong (and Dunk) girl 💜
i saw this message first thing in the morning when i woke up yesterday and it instantly put me in a good mood!!! <3
YESSSSSS I'M SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT
mafia the series might actually be my absolute fave thai het-show, it's just SO funny!!!! and the entire cast is so great, like, not just joong but the entire cast plays off each other SO well. and don't even get me started on gina virahya and her portrayal of anna kondra!!!!
you know, when i went into mafia the series i saw the poster and was like "ughh i really am gonna have to sit through this standard (overly) dramatic mafia show just for joong, huh. the things i do for my boy..." and then. AND THEN. you can imagine my surprise. i was crying tears of laughter throughout the show and i was actually laughing so hard that my mom made a comment about how she could hear my laugh in my room
beam is my loser boy and joong portrays him in such an adorably awkward way, i love it <333
and yes there IS a serious lack of joong in ploy's yearbook so far :((((
it was quite funny tho bc in the one scene where joong does show up i immediately recognized him by the back of his head, like!! i saw this:
and instantly went "OH there's my boy!!!!!" 😂😂😂
and i can't wait to see him with film bc film did extremely well with gun in not me and i feel like film and joong will also work together really well
you know, i'm always happy to turn people into full time joong (and dunk) girls!!!!!!
i've adored them ever since simm which i watched live from ep2 onwards. fun fact, actually: when i started simm i actually had no idea who they were (even though technically i'd seen dunk in bad buddy already, except i wasn't paying attention to the random high school bandmates and so i didn't actually recognize dunk and only realized later on ahahah)
aaaanyway, i had no idea who they were, right? and so in 2022 my mom and i spent two nights in prague during easter and in the evening we were in our hotel room and we were kinda looking for something to watch. and i was like "hey look, gmmtv has a new bl out and it looks kinda cute and fluffy judging by the thumbnails?? and like something that doesn't require too much brain power?? plus, there's also only two eps out so far, so we'll be caught up right away" and so we watched the first two episodes and then the two of us ended up watching every new ep together every week hahaha
i actually didn't really talk about it on tumblr back then and when you go back on my blog you'll see that there are hardly any simm post. but really, with every new simm episode that aired i liked joongdunk more and more. and especially once the characters started dating i was actually so in awe about just how comfortable joong and dunk were with each other and how they absolutely weren't afraid to touch? like, their physical affection was just so casual, like it was the most natural thing in the world to them in an "i'm-not-even-thinking-about-it-bc-it's-so-normal" kind of way and that was just soooo refreshing to watch?? i was (and still am) truly amazed
and when just a couple of months later, at the end of 2022 gmmtv announced joongdunk were gonna get another show together i got SO excited!! and also when it was revealed that simm was included in our skyy 2!!!!
and then hidden agenda started airing and then i was tagged in that tag game and then i went to watch joong's entire filmography and then i ended up falling into a joongdunk rabbit hole and here we are...
anyway, i have multiple agendas and one of them is turning people into joong fans and dunk fans and joongdunk fans sllksdfd
and my other agenda is getting people to watch mafia the series, bc it's truly a gem of a show!!!!
(speaking of agendas: the only thing that's missing in your message is you telling me that you approve of my fight for a sexy joongdunk vampire bl, like... that would have made the message and the influence of my joong/dunk/joongdunk blogging complete 😂😂😂)
#you know when i saw your message first thing in the morning my immediate thought was#''ok nothing that happens today can top this like. my day is ALREADY made and i only just woke up''#your message set the bar very very high for me tbh#but then in the afternoon my crush unexpectedly called me after we barely talked the past 3 or so months and we spent 1.5h on the phone#and well i'm really sorry but THAT was the actual no.1 highlight of my day yesterday dfjkkjdfkfdg#i swear your message is a close second tho!!! 😂😂#asks#anon#joong archen#adrm#no but every time someone tells me i turned them into a joong fan/dunk fan/joongdunk fan i get such a rush of satisfaction lmao#i'm desperately waiting for summer night#i might just go off about dunk's acting after that#we'll see#bc i REALLY wanna see what dunk can do without joong and if he'll be as good#my money is on ''yes'' but i also don't wanna say anything to avoid eating my own words kdfkdf#but in reality i see many qualities to him as an actor that i think he should be able to do keep even without being opposite joong#besides he's now done two series as a lead character so now he has a lot more acting experience than he did going into simm#his acting was already so much stronger in hidden agenda then it was in simm (hello?? yank-kiss-yeet?? ep9?? ep11??)#and i trust that he's not just gonna lose it all in summer night all of a sudden#god i'm immensely excited to see him act in summer night you don't even know
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oh man no wonder i'm missing my little guys recently. we haven't seen kaeya in almost a year
#personal stuff#delete later#a month from now marks one year since his hangout....#head in hands.... kaeya come back i miss you#yes i Know he has a hangout i can replay at any time that also has his brother in it. not the same#diluc showed up back in march with his normalguysona and kaeya sent a letter but it's just not the same...#i miss the ragbros insanity that 2.8 and 3.1 inflicted upon me. i miss bouncing off the walls thinking about them and their new lore#can they come back and do something that makes me relive that sometime soon. please. for me#not sure who's going to be in the summer event this year. probably not going to be either of them but can it be Someone i care abt#for the most part they have been? like 1.6 was THE found family slash siblings vacation#2.8 was my girlie fischl and also hidden strife#then 3.8 was kaeya and klee and collei and kokomi#come on let's keep up this energy. this will be THE mondstadt update TRUST#like come onn venti and lisa both told us to come back to mondstadt before setting off for somewhere new......#like at this point i have very little hope for mondstadt character story quest 2. i used to hope for it w every update but now it's like#who fucking knows. we'll wait until snezhnaya i guess. that's when venti and diluc will probably be relevant again#jean miiight get a second one after natlan depending on what happens to varka's expedition? since her mom is there i think#manifesting a second razor quest then too. we know what the rifthounds are now + varka coming back would be a good setup#and klee might get one whenever we meet alice. i have my thoughts but idk when Exactly that'll be#but lisa's thing probably won't be relevant for a while either considering its connection to the abyss order#and kaeya and albedo... yeah.#but like. i'd love to see amber go to liyue and find her grandpa or something :(#and like. fuck it i would love to see a second xiangling quest too.
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#it's a strange thing to work in a store that never sleeps. like living in an organism. like forcing its blood to flow#youre there an not. mostly out of sight and out of mind. blinking into existence when something is needed#or at least thats how it is when you work on the back end. and its an oddly gendered workplace when i go in#before the sun is up. before the doors are unlocked. men and boys unload the trucks and sort the packages. women sort the clothing packages#so they do that on purpose? do applicates sort themselves? why do only women work in style?#i dunno. it feels like my 1st real job. its very strange bc there are alloted times and clocking in and out and forced breaks. ive never had#that. ive only had: every moment that youre not working is a waste of time. i worked 10 hour days 6 days a week while getting paid part time#so it's weird. its nice to feel useful. its nice to have my time filled with things to do. but its also like going to school k-12 bc its#like: oh god i gotta get up at 3am so i can go to work. so i dunno. we'll see how i feel after a full week. its also sorta physically#exhausting and maybe i should have said 32hrs instead of 40 so i can actually work on some stuff this summer but i guess we'll see#right now getting a government job sounds better than going back to school but i dunno. i dunno#ill have to start applying in earnest. ay ay ay. what a mess#unrelated
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there are like 12 weeks of 2024 left so it's time to make a bunch of polls on Simply Plural to try and figure out what the fuck our new year's resolutions for 2025 are gonna be because ideally we should not leave that until the last minute and then get a ridiculous number of alters to vote at once on December 31st again.
I imagine a lot of the suggestions will be similar to this year's ones because we've enjoyed the ones we decided on, but it'll be interesting to see what we come up with. we're thinking about doing another Big Drawing but maybe going with 1 hour a week instead of 2.
we might also do something similar to Bread Quest but with a different category of food, but I'm not sure which one. Fruit Quest and Candy Quest were both suggested last time, and Cheese Quest could be an option, but we'll see what happens I guess.
after checking back, I've just realised we forgot about like half of this year's goals, but it has been a chaotic year so it is what it is. one of them was to pick a new species each week to learn a bunch of facts about, and we didn't do that but we've definitely learned to identify a fuckload of species so we did something at least somewhat related to that
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#new year's resolutions 2025#we'll probably do a handful of fun/silly/whimsical ones and a handful of more serious ones again like we did this year#it gives us something interesting to look forward to which is a big deal right now#because we have a lot of PTSD symptoms from what happened over the summer and that includes a sense of foreshortened future#like really really bad. our brain can't comprehend making it past the end of the year for seemingly no reason#(not in a suicidal way or anything like that. we just have a very vague but intense sense of impending doom)#so I'm trying to put events in our calendar and set goals and make tentative plans for things to try and challenge that feeling#and starting the new year's resolution polls should maybe hopefully help with that on top of just giving people more time to vote#anyway that briefly got kinda dark but I am looking forward to seeing what goals we pick and how that ends up going
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i love not knowing if i'll ever be healthy again i love all of the time i've used to move my body become nothing i love spending my adulthood wasting away year after year for various reasons baby!
#i know i'm being dramatic and privileged etc etc right now but i hate living like this#i probably had covid in the beginning of august and since then my heart and lungs have just been fucked#so now i'm probably looking at at least 2 years of long covid and maybe permanent neurological damage#could i be lucky and get better in few more months? maybe. do i believe that will happen? no. optimistically maybe next summer id be better#my symptoms are not that bad considering what i know other people have suffered but at the same time that makes it feel not real#otherwise i'm pretty much fine except i feel like fainting alot after standing up or excerting myself and anything beyond walking#spikes my hr to 160 and right now even laying down my hr is around 80. this comes with the associated shortness of breath etc#what fucks me up about this is that my normal hr is low with my rhr being under 50bpm and i'm physically active#so basically i've went from regular running and half marathons being no issue to not being able to jog 1km at the slowest pace possible#without spiking my hr to zone 4#so now with the recovery time of this being however long if properly ever i'll have to basically start all over again with everything#i biked to the grocery store yesterday and that took me out for the rest of the day because my heart rate just didn't go down afterwards#outwards i look fine and i wouldn't be as affected if sports and moving wasn't a part of my life and relationships but it is#i've read studies about recovery times and a lot of them don't feel applicable because the test groups are either very different from me#based on the baseline health info such as activity levels or they're elite atheletes which i am not#some have given me hope that keeping my hr under like 130 by doing activities like walking until maybe someday things get better works#but who knows and even if it does this will be yet another thing that takes the littlest bits of muscle tissue i have on me away once again#because besides deconditioning muscle loss is yet another symptom. so i will be even weaker than i am right now#i don't know how much of what i'm experiencing in terms of mental effects is from anxiety over my physical health and how much is brainfog#but we'll see i'll just have to start walking a lot every day and keep up with simple and slow strenght training so i'll want to die less#i don't think my family will ever properly understand because almost all of them are athletes and the one who isn't never does any excercis#so either i just look like i'm weak but i was always weak so it's not a big deal or my experience isn't really that important#this is so so so pathetic both my reaction and the issue but it's difficult to not feel this way especially with the uncertainty#shit talking
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ventpost lol
remembering how my mother used to give me rants about how i would never attract a partner with my posture so slouched and she would grab my shoulders and hold them back for an hour at a time and it hurt so so bad i would start crying
fastforward 20 years i'm getting a backrub from a cutie i later fumbled. they say, "Oh, huh. your spine leans forward at the top." then gave it a kiss and moved on
fastforward another 5 years. i finally get an xray. my spine is tilted forward. chiropractor said i need immediate adjustment, i politely called him a hack and said i was just looking for diagnosis.
Call my mom. show her the xray. explain it all. "WEIRD!"
that's it that's the comment.
you tortured me for hours over something built-in to my body that a horny medical layperson diagnosed in two seconds??? by just paying attention to me?
anyway my mom just asked "how's your back? does it still hurt because you slouch?"
😐
#personal log#cw: abuse#sorry had to do a classic vent. just... what the fuck#she still calls herself supermom?#lady you only have one child and they fucking hate you#'we'll love you forever' but suddenly everything is different if i'm trans 🙄#different topic but whatever#she literally has confessed she sees me as an extension of herself and that she only had me as catharsis for her own mommy problems#like great thanks#ps i didn't take the chiropractor at his word i also showed my gp#and it's not as much but with my bioanth background i know what an average spine looks like lmao#i can still hear her saying 'puff your chest out and put your shoulders back'#later it changed to 'puff your chest out let people see your nice boobs'#no thanks i would rather wear hoodies in the summer#she was buying me push up bras and thongs at 14??????
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i honestly love your streams they’re so entertaining i can’t wait for when you get back on it
AW thanks guy :] tbh i felt like a really dry and uninterestin person when i streamed so its reassurin to hear it was fun to watch when i did stream !
#snap chats#im a really awkward person i feel so it always baffles me to read i was Somewhat entertaining to watch durin streams jvleakjvlake#ive been wanting to stream all summer but i was either too busy to actually stream what i wanted#or i just wasnt feeling it. ive been wanting to do art streams again for a while#though what ive doodled during my downtime has varied from rgg so im not sure if anyone would really care to watch that#i still doodle rgg- i havent posted anything ive doodled since they didnt feel post worthy to me#but with time we'll see !! i know i def wanna stream the rgg stream later in september#and i wnna have at least SOME streams done beforehand just so yk. ease back into it all#but yeah ! hold me to this gang i'm gonna look into streaming on youtube maybe friday next week#not saying therell be a stream anytime soon but i just wanna look into my options so i CAN plan to stream soon#i miss hangin with people ..#...also i havent beat lost judgment yet vJAELKVJAE#I SWEAR I MEANT TO I JUST GOT BUSY and then i felt awkward about not playing it on stream#i thought id finish it off stream but. Again. Busy. so i might as well resume it on stream#but those are plans for the not-near future ..
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Hmm, I think that I want to update the blog colors, but I'm not sure what colors I want. I like the idea of something kind of witchy in nature but, at the same time, some nice summery colors, too. Thoughts?
#abi speaks#i'm tempted to take a mixture of witchy colors and summer colors and mix and match to see what i like#i'm also going to be updating my navigation page bc i figured out how to code in a dropdown menu#which will make everything so much neater yay#depending on how nuts i get i may also go back through and recheck the tags on all my posts#there are 1500 of them idk why i wanna do that but we'll see if i do i suppose
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me: ok time to study for finals
my brain: what if u make a catgirl spock bunnysuit cosplay
#I DO have enough fabric left over from my spock shirt........#summer is here and with it the urge to dress as slutty and fem as humanly possible#idk we'll see#AFTER finals#this would probably be the hardest sewing project I've done so far#I've never made anything so fitted. and those decorative seams r going to kick my ass. but the challenge is what makes it fun#wearing this to stlv would certainly be. attracting unwanted attention. to say the least. maybe a local anime con would feel safer#I just think I would be SO hot in a bunnysuit I can't resist making one#narcissus's echoes#narcissus plays dress up#my art
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all day i have been thinking about how much i want to lift out the summers family stuff from my barbieverse bc we all know that's where my heart & soul is/was but it's all sooo inextricably tied to barbie stuff specifically it's hard to thi k of how i would do it. but i looooove the idea of mermaid and fairy half sisters so that might be the part i run with bc tbh i never got to do very much with it bc elina is a weenie who doesn't spend much time on earth and merliah isn't touching fairytopia with a 10 ft pole. but i love them both and obviously i love rip so yeah. this might be where it starts we might get somewhere now ppl
#mel irl#barbie babbles#summers clan blogging#ever since i had the thought of lifting ocs/plots out of stuff i immediately wanted to do everything to do with rip. OBVIOUSLY.#but his life is SO barbie-dependent bc i ended up using him to link a bunch of stuff ahdjakshdkd#but yeah i think what i really LOVE is the mermaid and fairy sisters and one growing up human and one growing up not#(tbh one of them doesnt even have to be a mermaid for this to work. which is good bc i hate mermaids but we'll see.)#and i can do that quite easily in my verse#as for rip's entire journey... that is another story. bc again i made a lot of things happen to him for the hell of it.#obvs finn and anne can be cut and him being alice's dad as well never added much#but i also loved him reuniting with calissa and actually having a family like he always wanted. and the mermaid dynasty.#so i guess we'll fucking see about these mermaids. WE'LL SEE.
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it's funny that now that i don't really have much about my body to be dysphoric about my brain makes up psychological dysphoria and it's so dumb
#''oohh only people who are attracted to men but are slightly scared of what they deem real men (not you) will be attracted to you''#''or those people AND chasers AND ppl who just see you as a curiosity to test out''#like how do i even unpack the bs my brain is throwing at me#yeah maybe some part of me believes that but the logical part of me knows it's not true#i think what's causing this is that i'm still kinda new at being stealth while passing#like yeah ive been going as leevi for the entire duration of uni and living as a man but passing regularly started happening to me after#i started t#now i only get misgendered the same amount as cis men with shoulder length hair#so like. it's happened once after starting t lmao#i think what's causing this (the psychological warfare from my brain) is the combination of stress#and me actually becoming friends with a co worker i'm not out to#listen ive been trying to hint at being trans but he was born a guy and lives as a guy so hes not very tuned out on this stuff#though his partner is nb and ive met them and they think i'm cis too which i think is hilarious bc i feel like#i'm v easy to clock for trans ppl#though idk im fagging it up quite a bit so it makes me pass extra well so#anyways#im a bit conflicted about the situation#im not going to outright tell him i think but i'm not going to hide it if it comes up#which i know i dont have to do but i want to#we'll probably go swimming together this summer so if that doesnt make him realize it hes a lost case and i dont#need to worry about it lmaoo#also i bought shorts that arent sport shorts and they looked normal on me so im literally unstoppable#but yea thank u for listening to me i just needed to ramble#leevi talks
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two is filled ta the brim w/yuri btw. there's so much yuri and so many different types too
#GEHEHEHHEHEHEHHEHEEEEEHEHEHEHHEHEHHEHEHHEHEHHE#I FINISHED WRITING ACT ONE TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TA DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!#FUCKING SO PROUD!!!!!!1 IM WRITING ACT TWO (of part one skfhkdjfhskdj)#did i mention there's like 5 parts ta this story? there used ta be 6 but i combined two cuz they didnt make sense stand alone#also might end up combining again . we'll see what happens#oooo im so excited#ooooo im so excited!!! i could finish writing part one this summer and start making comics again!!!!!!!#oooo!!! oooo mama!!! mama de mia!!!!#spacie spoinks#autism compels me#i need 2 redesign some of my ocs skfjskhfs
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