#we’ll take your heart back to Texas cowboy we love you
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RIP Quincey P. Morris you were a real one 😔
Thank you for slam-dunking that undead bitch back to hell where he belongs
Say hi to Lucy for us 👋🥲😢😭
#rip I was always into you#please use this post as a funeral service for him#we never found out what the p stands for#that song made me tear up a bit ngl#we’ll take your heart back to Texas cowboy we love you#dracula#dracula daily#re dracula#re: dracula#quincy morris#quincy p morris#quincey morris#quincey p morris#November 6#lucy westenra#dracula daily spoilers#dracula spoilers#spoilers
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Dancing On My Own (Tiesto Remix)
Summary: You're a Cowboys fan in Eagles territory. Melissa finds out.
WC: ~2.05k
You have a secret- a deep, dark secret that you never ever want your fiery, die hard Eagles fan girlfriend to find out. You’re terrified of what will happen if she does. You’re a Dallas Cowboys fan. Okay, so maybe you were a second-hand Cowboys fan, but your dad bought you one of the jerseys because he absolutely adores them. And when you go home to Texas (how you ended up in the one state, one city that hates Dallas more than anything, you’ll never know), your dad always drags you to a game.
Upon moving to Philly, you took down every indication that you would ever associate yourself with the team that the Eagles love to hate. You couldn’t risk becoming an outcast before you even start your new life here.
And it did you good. You somehow land in the heart of the city, and you work for a school that absolutely bleeds Philadelphia. The principal adores the Eagles, Mr. Johnson is constantly yelling ‘Go Birds!’, Janine has a few trinkets in her room for each of the Philly Sports teams… even Gregory has come around to love Gritty. And then there’s Melissa Schemmenti. She’s had to go to court for throwing a corn cob at Ben Simmons when he pissed her off, she has ins with those who worked the demolition at the Linc, she’s a season ticket holder for the Phillies and the Eagles… and she absolutely detests the Cowboys- more than most Eagles fans too. She’s gotten into more trouble for heckling the Dallas team than she’s willing to admit- knocking over portapotties when Cowboys fans are in them, throwing Philly cheesesteaks, hurling eggs and Molotov cocktails at the bus.
And yet, she’s your girlfriend. How? You’re nearly perfect. You’re smart, you’re funny, you can sing and play instruments to make her swoon, you’re a wonderful teacher and great with the kids, and you’re more than easy on the eyes. And that was what she knew of you before she fell madly in love with you.
With the season coming up, your girlfriend is more than excited. She’s been waiting for the season tickets to go on sale, but even then… if she doesn’t get them the legal way, she knows a guy.
She does end up getting them. Of course she does. And as soon as she does, she’s coming into the teachers lounge doing her happy dance and making her way over to you. She kisses you soundly before proclaiming that she is 100% taking you to an Eagles game.
“And,” she notes. “I’m gonna make sure it’s a good one… Eagles versus the fuckin’ Cowgirls! Go birds!”
She’s met with a chorus of ‘Go birds!’ right back, but you stay quiet.
She turns to you with a curious look, amused grin now gone. “Babe, aren’t you excited?!”
You shrug. “I just… haven’t ever really been into football?” you offer weakly.
“Well, I’m gonna make sure that you have a great time there. I’m gonna get you an Eagles jersey, a Jalen Hurts one, and you’re gonna have the damn time of your life!”
Again, you shrug your shoulders, looking unsure.
“Aye, if she ain’t gonna use the ticket for good, I’m right here!” Mr. Johnson points to himself. “You know we’ll have a good time.”
“Nah, Mr. J,” your girlfriend rolls her eyes. “I’m taking Y/N, and she’s gonna leave the Linc a die hard Eagles fan, right?” She looks at you in a way that tells you there’s no convincing her otherwise unless you want to out yourself right now as a fan of the Cowboys.
You just nod, knowing you can’t have this conversation in public- you do not want to be shunned by the rest of your coworkers. You could potentially lose this job; Ava has fired people for less despite the fact that she really couldn’t afford to fire them and that’s why both you and Melissa are teaching two different grades at a time.
That’s the end of that conversation.
Until she comes over to your apartment that night, ready to cook dinner for you and stay over.
“You gonna tell me why you got so weird about going to a football game with me? Is it because we might see our students at the game?” she asks. “Because if it is, I promise you… you know Philly is pretty cool about LGBT stuff.”
“I know, I know,” you say softly. “I’ve just… could we go to a baseball game instead?” You never pledged your allegiance to any baseball team, so you would be willing to wear a Harper or Nola jersey.
“I mean, I could get us tickets to a game,” she tells you as she puts the meat into the pan to start cooking. “But I really love football and the Eagles, and that’s something I want to share with you.”
“Does it have to be a game with the Cowboys?” you ask.
She turns to you at that. “Those are the best games.”
“I-” you sigh. Deciding to just rip off the bandaid, you take off the Abbott sweatshirt that you’re wearing to reveal the Day Prescott jersey your dad had given you the last time you visited your hometown.
Her jaw drops, and her eyes fill with a fire. “When the fuck were you gonna tell me that you were the enemy?” she seethes.
“Mel,” you say softly, trying to calm her down.
“Don’t ‘Mel’ me right now,” the redhead hisses. “What the fuck?! What the actual fuck?!”
“Melissa, honey,” you continue. “Please-”
“I- no,” she stops you from getting any closer to her when you attempt. “Don’t. Don’t you even fucking dare.”
She’s out of your house before you can say anything else, and the only thing that you can hear is the flank steak sizzling quietly in the pan on the stove.
When you get to school the next day, you head straight for her room to try to talk to her again.
“Melissa,” you knock on the door, a cup of her favorite coffee in your hands as a peace offering.
“No.”
You set the warm drink on her desk, which she promptly smacks into the garbage can under her desk. She stands hastily and storms out of the room in the direction of the staff room.
“Melissa, please!” you beg as you chase after her. “Please!”
“I have nothing to say to you,” she hisses as she rips her arm away from you when you catch her gently. She storms into the break room and heads right for the coffee mugs.
“Please!” your voice cracks, and everyone that is already gathered there turns at the commotion.
“Ooh,” Ava says. “Trouble in paradise. Spill.”
“This one-” your girlfriend, if she even still is after your reveal last night, points to you and looks at you with disgust. “-is a Cowgirls fan, and decided not to let me know until last night!”
“Boo!” Mr. Johnson heckles you. You give him a nearly murderous look.
“Just let me explain!” you plead.
“You have nothin’ to explain! You’re a traitor!” the redhead barks at you before turning back to the mugs. She slams the door as she closes it, slams her coffee mug down on the counter, and storms her way to her seat next to Barbara. She makes it so that there is absolutely no way you could sit next to her.
All eyes are on you, and you hate it. So you do what you know how to do: run.
You avoid the second grade teacher at all possible costs for the next few days, giving her the chance to cool down. Finally, at the end of the week, you attempt to talk to her.
“I don’t know what you want me to say,” she huffs. She doesn’t even bother looking up from her nails. She doesn’t even give you the chance to explain yourself. “I ain’t dating no Cowgirl.”
You cry the entire way home. You lost your girlfriend, and all because of some stupid football team.
You call your father that night, a sobbing mess.
“You were dating an Eagles fan?!”
“Dad,” you cry. “Please. I don’t- I just need you to tell me that it’s all going to be okay.”
“It is,” he promises you. “But, seriously?”
You hang up on him.
He calls back a few minutes later, apologizing for his words. You forgive him of course. You love your father more than anything.
“If you really love her, you’ll get her back… even if it means you betray our team,” he tells you.
“R-really?” you whisper.
“You’re in Philly now,” your dad sighs softly. “If you can’t beat ‘em, and the lord knows you can’t because no one can beat Philly fans, join ‘em.”
That’s all you need to hear to know what you’re going to do. “Thank you, Dad.”
“Of course, kiddo. Just know that when you come home to visit, you are back on my team.”
“I know,” you chuckle through your tears. “But if I bring Mel back home, there is to be absolutely no football talk.”
“Deal,” he laughs. “I’m not trying to get our house lit on fire.”
You thank him again, tell him you love him and hang up.
That weekend, you go out and buy a bunch of Philadelphia sports apparel; your credit card statement this month is going to be a doozy. But if it means you’ll get Melissa back, it’ll be worth it.
On Monday, you show up in your baseball gear, rooting for the Phillies as they play against the Cincinnati Twins. It gets the redhead’s attention, just slightly. But she turns her head when you look in her direction.
You wear your Flyers gear the next day. That gets Gregory’s attention.
The Sixers are the next. Janine grins.
You had even bought a Philadelphia Union jersey that you wear on Thursday. Jacob tells you how massively underrated they are and that he thinks they deserve to have a bigger following.
When you come in on Friday, not clad in Eagles gear like Melissa thought you would be, that is the final straw for her. She has you backed into a corner telling you that you can pretend to bleed Philly all you want, but at the end of the day you’re just a traitor.
You let her get up in your face, red with anger. You know that you didn’t wear it because you’re saving it for Monday- when they play.
You actually managed to get a ticket to the game, one next to hers- not that she knows it. You thank Barbara profusely when she’s able to get you the name of Melissa’s guy and where her tickets for this game are. Your plan is to show up in your new Jalen Hurts jersey that you spent a fortune on and win her back. You don’t want to lose her. Never.
You race home after school to change out of your green shirt that you wore to school and into your Hurts jersey and a pair of leggings. You grab the baseball cap that you bought and pop it on your head before heading out to your car.
You park your car for the ridiculous amount of money they’re charging before going to find your seat.
As you approach though, you see someone new with Melissa- someone you’ve never seen before. She has an arm around the woman’s waist like the way she used to hold you. You convince yourself it’s just a friend and continue on your way to your seat. But then she plants a kiss to the new woman’s lips, and your world shatters.
You might be at a football game, but you should be at a Phillies game with their unofficial anthem playing.
I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh no
And I'm right over here, why can't you see me? Oh no
And I'm giving it my all
But I'm not the guy you're taking home, ooh
I keep dancing on my own
So far away, but still so near
The lights come on, the music dies
But you don't see me standing here
#melissa schemmenti fanfiction#melissa schemmenti fanfic#melissa schemmenti x you#melissa schemmenti x reader#melissa schemmenti#abbott elementary fanfic#abbott elementary fanfiction#abbott elementary
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Dean died at the ripe old age of 85.
In his lucid moments during the days leading up to his passing, in which Dean was just as sharp and as bright as he was fifty years ago, he remarked that people must think he’d robbed the cradle with a “hot piece” such as Castiel hanging around him.
“You don’t mind that I’m a wrinkly, senile, crotchety old bastard?” Dean had asked, more than once, but he had always said it with a smile. And Castiel would smile back, replying with the same answer the answer many times, in many ways:
“You’re not senile.”
“Old, but not a bastard.”
“I thought I was the crotchety one.”
“I don’t mind.”
Then Dean would smile, and it would light up the room, and Castiel would wonder again how he came to deserve the focus, let alone the affection, of such a man.
“It’s not about deserving, Cas,” Dean had said, half-whispered in the middle of the night a few short months after they had begun to share the bed they laid in. “It’s… fuck, well I don’t know what it’s about. But people don’t get what they deserve, not most of the time.”
Castiel frowned, furrowing his brows. “They should,” he grumbled.
“Well if people got what they deserved, they’d… I don’t know, Sam would’ve actually become a lawyer, stayed in school. Jo, Ellen, Bobby, they’d all still be here. I’d get mauled by a werewolf or something, go out with a bang, and Baby,” Dean said sternly, as though chastising the universe itself for such an injustice, “Would never get so much as a scratch on her.”
“You think that’s what you deserve?” Castiel’s voice was soft, not wanting to disturb the still of the night, but steely as he considered even the possibility of Dean’s violent end.
Dean registered that, swallowing, “I don’t know. I guess I just never thought I’d even make it this far. Hunters have the shortest lifespans of any human subspecies,” Dean cracked a smile, but his heart wasn’t in the joke. Castiel knew Dean was doing the math in his head. He knew Dean was mentally recalling how long it had been since Bobby left for heaven. Tallying up the number of people who were gone because of self-sacrifice, mistakes, pure dumb luck. Counting exactly how many years he had outlived his own mother.
Castiel had wrapped his arms around Dean then, embracing him, surrounding him, and they curled into each other completely. Burying himself in Castiel’s neck, Dean had never felt so close to him, and yet so far away. “You don’t have to follow the same patterns if you don’t want to, Dean,” Castiel stated, as if it were that easy. “Do you want to?”
“Want to what?”
“Get mauled by a werewolf?”
Dean sniffed in laughter, and that was answer enough.
Castiel found himself stroking Dean’s hair, an action he felt suited him. He thought for a moment in the stillness and in the space between their breaths. “Maybe it’s idealistic of me, but I still think people should get what they deserve. Even- no, especially you.”
Dean took his time answering, opening his mouth several times before actually saying, “Sometimes I don’t think I know what I deserve.”
“I guess we’ll just have to figure that out together then. We have time,” Castiel kissed Dean’s forehead and he sighed at the touch. “We have plenty of time. Heaven will wait for you, no matter how long.”
Dean looked up at him then with a pout, “You sound pretty confident in that statement for a dude who hasn’t shown up to heavenly chorus practice in a few years.”
Castiel smiled, “I’d rather be here with you. Always have.”
The man blushed. “Well, if I go… I mean, wherever I go… Where will you end up?”
“I could go with you.”
“Where?”
Castiel closed the distance between them fully, thumbing across Dean’s cheek as they kissed. “Anywhere. If you want me there, I will be there, whether it’s here or heaven. I���ll be there.”
“For how long?”
“For however long you want me to be.”
Dean kissed back, his fingers tangling in Castiel’s hair. “Yeah. Okay.”
Sam went not long after Dean. It wasn’t a surprise; it was his time as well. His children were grown, his grandchildren almost grown, Castiel knew they’d miss him but that they’d be all right. And they knew to call on “Uncle Cas” if they weren’t, even the little ones who didn’t understand exactly how they were related, or why Great Uncle Dean's husband was only about as old as their parents.
“I mean I love the little gremlins,” Dean had said, cracking open a beer after a long few days of babysitting Sam and Eileen's girls while the expecting parents were in the hospital. He was exhausted, they both were, but beaming from meeting the newest member of the Winchester clan: a healthy baby boy named Robert. “But have you seen Sam’s house? Goddamn mess in there.”
“You… don’t want to have some of your own?” Castiel had asked carefully, taking the beer Dean held out for him.
“You’re making them sound like trading cards. I don’t know, I- I guess I never thought too hard about it.” Castiel could tell this was a lie by the way Dean didn’t quite meet his eyes. “Wouldn’t know what to do with a kid if I had one.”
“Do you think you’d be a good father?”
Castiel had met John Winchester, in Hell. Well, he hadn’t exactly met him. He had really only passed by John’s cell, stole a glance at the infamous hunter on his way to retrieve Dean’s soul. He’d never told Dean what he saw, they were not close enough at the time. He wasn’t sure if Dean would even want to know. Castiel had almost spoken about it many times, but whenever Dean talked about John, “Dad,” a look crossed over his face, sometimes for only a second. A furrowing of brows, a tight smile, a quick transition to happier subjects.
The same look crossed over Dean’s face as soon as Castiel had asked the question.
“Wow. Um, loaded question there, Cas.”
He waited for Dean to meet his eyes before continuing, “I think you would be.”
“Do- wait,” Dean shook his head, trying to understand where Castiel was going with all of this, “Do you want kids?”
“I want you to live a normal life, Dean. I want to be able to give you what you want.”
“Okay, lots of stuff to unpack here. First of all, a normal life isn’t and never was an option,” Dean leaned back against the counter, “I think we can agree on that. Second of all, you didn’t answer my question.”
“...And third of all?” Castiel prompted.
“No, second of all first. Do you want kids?”
Castiel sighed, taking a swig of his beer, considering his words. “I’m an angel, Dean-”
“Is that so!” Dean raised his eyebrows, then squinted as if in deep thought, “Weird, somehow I never noticed.”
That deserved a well-placed eyeroll, but Castiel still had a point to make. “We don’t- I’m just trying to…” he set his beer down. “I don’t know. But that doesn’t matter, what matters is that I would love and care for a child, if it were ours. If we decided that was something we wanted, I would be so happy to raise them, with you. I’d be terrified,” Castiel admitted, “At the enormous and important responsibility, but I would love doing it, if… if it was with you. I just want you to know that, I guess,” Castiel shrugged, “I don’t want you to think it’s not an option for us, if you want it to be.”
“Okay…” Dean was thinking, swirling the beer around his glass. He pointed the mouth at Castiel, “You’re still avoiding my question,” Castiel really rolled his eyes this time, “But I don’t really think it’s for me, all that white picket fence stuff. If you really wanted a kid, I would definitely hit the library and read all those, I don’t know, fucking parenting guides, and take the Mommy and Me classes, whatever. And I think you’d be a good father, better than me, I’d just let them eat gummy worms and shoot slingshots.”
“Children love gummy worms. They listen and will behave better when offered gummy worms,” Castiel knew this for a fact from very recent personal experience, “I don’t see how gummy worms could pose an issue. Slingshots, however-”
“Okay so maybe I’m overestimating your abilities a little,” Dean held up a hand, “But still, I… I like this,” he gestured to the space between them and around them, “I like us. I like waking up to a clean kitchen and sleeping in on weekends. I like not having to ask more than one person whether or not I can take a drive by myself or crank my music really loud at midnight. And I fucking hate Paw Patrol.”
Castiel smiled.
“Sam and Eileen always need babysitters. That’s good enough for me right now.”
“You’ll tell me though, if this is something you really want,” Castiel insisted, “If you think about it and decide something else.”
“Sure.”
“Promise.”
“Okay, fine, I promise,” Dean took a step forward and leaned in for a kiss then. Castiel could taste the beer on Dean’s tongue and sighed. Dean smiled against Castiel’s lips, lowering his voice to a comical level, “We could, uh, you know, try and make some babies,” Dean waggled his eyebrows and Castiel pushed Dean’s laughing face away, but grabbed his hand, turning towards their room.
They hadn’t spoken about it again, not seriously anyway. They got a dog. Dean opened a vintage car garage. Castiel learned how to bake. They took long road trips to the beaches in California, wandered through roadside attractions like Carhenge in Nebraska and Cadillac Ranch in Texas. They bought decidedly way too much merchandise at Oklahoma’s National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum. And maybe they killed the occasional vampire, the wayward poltergeist, but the occasions became less and less. There were younger, more spry hunters on the road now, always welcome at the bunker to look through their library or ask advice on a particularly troublesome spirit. Sam even coerced Dean into holding what became a yearly “conference,” “What are we, a tech startup?” for the next generation of hunters to learn from the legendary brothers.
So maybe they spent more time at home than on the road, but home suited them. Routine suited them like Castiel never could have predicted it would. It wasn’t a white picket fence, but it wasn’t a lonely highway either. Dean would joke about how “boring” they’d become, but Castiel reveled in the repetition. The three hundredth time Dean brought Castiel coffee in bed was just as lovely as the third. The five hundredth time Castiel cooked dinner passed without fanfare, though Dean hugging him from behind, chin hooked over Castiel’s shoulder as he whisked, felt like fanfare enough. The one thousandth kiss they shared was in their bed, lazily breathing each other in as the first beams of sunlight shone through the window after a week of straight rain. Home, a thing he and Dean had never known in their youth, held the majority of their most precious, most banal memories. But still, Castiel always looked forward to those moments speeding down a desert highway when Dean would reach for his hand, turn his head to meet Castiel’s eyes, and smile.
Time took its time with them.
It seemed the opposite with Sam’s children, who grew up faster than Castiel could keep track of. And as they grew from waddling toddlers to full-fledged human beings, Castiel was fascinated, enamored, but Dean was simply proud. He attended their tournaments, their decathlons. He went to their graduations, weddings, barbecues, and Castiel went with him. They took the kids to concerts and movies, parks and shooting ranges, and Castiel never got tired of the smile on Dean’s face when they threw their small arms around Dean’s neck and called him their “Cool Uncle.” “Hear that, Cas? That means you’re the No Fun Uncle. The No-Funcle.”
And as the crowned Cool Uncle, he teased Sam mercilessly about his minivan and his “#1 Dad” mugs, but Castiel knew how proud Dean was of him too. How glad he was that Sam got the future he wanted, and how grateful he was that that future included him.
The brothers still fought. They still bickered, pranked, and glowered. Sam complained that Dean let his kids use power tools too young when they visited, and Dean complained that Sam’s kids were too old to have never heard “Stairway to Heaven.” The usual, the routine, many times over. But they never lied to each other, at least not about the important things, not anymore. And Castiel was welcome in Sam and Eileen’s house and lives, an honor he felt he didn’t deserve, but as Dean said, maybe it wasn’t about deserving.
It was Eileen who noticed Castiel first as he entered the hospital room the day he'd been informed that Sam Winchester was finally coming home. He didn't have to tell Eileen; she saw it on Castiel's face. They’d already spoken, he’d prepared her for the eventuality a few days prior. Eileen smiled, looking back at her husband, teasing him lightly, but Castiel knew she was holding back on her usual snark because Sam looked, well, tired. Turning away from Sam, Eileen signed, “Are you here for him?”
Castiel shook his head. “No, but someone will be here soon.”
“You mean they haven’t given you reaper duty yet?” Sam joked from his horizontal position, speaking and signing with his usual quick wit, but not with his usual articulation. Castiel had seen him argue with Dean for fifty years like it was his job, he was accustomed to the precision with which Sam had always wielded his words. Not today.
“I don’t think I’d be very good at it,” Castiel stepped closer so that Sam wouldn’t have to crane his head, “I’m not very persuasive.”
“No kidding,” Sam shakily clasped Castiel’s hand and grinned. “I’m surprised Dean even went with you.”
“It took less persuading than you’d think.”
“How is he?” Eileen asked, but she was smiling, so she knew the answer.
“He’s good,” Castiel smiled back, “Getting what he deserves.”
Sam smirked, but his head sunk back into his pillow as if relieved. “And I bet he’s complaining about it non-stop. Asshole never knew how to take a vacation.”
“Neither do you,” Eileen levelled her husband with a fond look.
“We’ve taken vacations!”
“You always wanted to go somewhere exotic and then you’d just end up in the library. Remember Berlin?”
“They had… well I wasn’t going to find those editions in America, and-”
Sam and Eileen bickered for a bit, and Castiel did end up backing Eileen’s points more often than not, so eventually Sam recognized that he was outnumbered on this particular case.
Castiel bid his goodbyes just in time as the nurse entered the room to check Sam’s vitals. Her tone was cheerful, but Castiel could tell that she too knew what was coming.
“Well… I’ll see you soon, buddy, huh?” Sam smiled at Castiel as confidently as he could muster for Eileen’s sake, but Castiel knew behind those laugh lines Sam wasn’t so sure of himself. Castiel supposed that worry wasn’t to be unexpected from a chosen one of Hell, Lucifer's vessel, the boy Castiel had once called an “abomination.”
But Castiel smiled, giving Sam’s shoulder one last firm squeeze. “You will.”
When Dean died, at the ripe old age of 85, he knew what to expect.
He’d visited heaven before. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Not an exciting place, but exciting wasn’t necessarily good. Hell had been exciting, and he was in no hurry to return there. Purgatory had been exciting in a different way, years later he swore the stench still lingered on his skin. Sometimes, when he would lose himself in his “senior moments,” he thought he was back in that bloody in between. Or back in hell. Or had gone to heaven. “Times and places are difficult to navigate when your brain’s turning into gummy worms,” he told Cas once. He didn’t remember saying this a few hours later, but that didn’t make it any less true.
His brain was sure full of them gummy worms now as he clung to his body and to his life. He wasn’t completely sure where he was. Bobby’s? The bunker? His childhood home? Sammy had come to see him earlier, at least the kid had looked like Sammy… No, fuck, that was his grand-nephew, Cas had reminded him of that. Sam, his brother Sam, was in the next room. That's right, he’d told the asshole to give him some space, stop smothering him. He sort of wished he was here now though. And Cas, Cas was here, he knew that, but only because the angel was right in front of him. Cas, his friend, was holding Dean’s hand, talking about what their grand-nieces and nephews were doing in school. Dean could swear he already knew these things, but they still sounded new when Cas said them.
Dean looked over at him, and Cas was smiling.
He tried to speak, but the words stuck in his throat. Cas helped him swallow some cool water. Dean cleared his throat, “Bet you’ve been waiting for this for a while.”
Castiel cocked his head, the smile fading. Fifty some odd years and he still had that same confused look. “Waiting for what?”
“Me to beef it, finally. I know this hasn’t been easy, watching me… seeing me like…” Dean took a shallow breath. “No matter where I go next, at least I won’t be a senile senior citizen.”
“Dean,” Cas said, rubbing the back of Dean’s liver spot-covered hand, “Please listen to me very carefully.”
“Got my hearing aids in, go ahead,” Dean joked.
Cas smiled softly again. “It has been the greatest privilege of my life, my existence, to watch you grow old. I feel honored that you allowed me to experience that. Time’s different for me too,” Cas kissed Dean’s hand, “Space and time were never precious to me, not in the stretch of infinity. Not until you. Not until I was able to see you live your life and live it well.”
Tears welled in the corners of Dean’s eyes. He furiously tried to blink them away, but Cas was already there, dabbing carefully with a handkerchief. “I’m… I’m scared, Cas. I know I shouldn’t be, I’ve seen it all. I’ve beefed it a few times already. But maybe that’s why I’m scared? Because… I know what comes next. What could come next. And this is it, right? No more resets?”
Cas nodded.
Dean took a deep, shuddering breath. “If I don’t end up in heaven-”
“You will.”
“If I don’t, that’s fine, maybe it’s what I deserve, and that’s fair. But… will I see you again?”
“Dean,” Cas said sadly, but with his trademarked firmness, “You are going to paradise. And if for some reason, a completely incorrect and insane reason, you don’t? I dragged your soul out of the flames once, I will do it again. I would do it as many times as I needed to.”
Dean shook his head slightly, “Not fair.”
“It’s not about fair. It’s about the truth. Whether you believe it or not, ET goes home.”
Dean chuckled weakly. He was tired. He didn’t want to let go. He wanted to let go so badly.
He felt the bed move as Cas climbed under the covers with him. The angel curled around him, enveloping him. Dean could swear he felt the brush of feathers cradling him and pulling him closer, but he couldn’t muster the ability to reach for them, stroke them like he used to. “Sleep, Dean. I’ll be here when you wake up. Wherever, whenever here is. That’s where I’ll be. Wherever you go, I’ll go with you.”
“Swear?”
Castiel kissed his forehead. “I swear.”
Dean opened his eyes.
The phrase, “I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore” popped into his head, but he suspected, greatly, that he was, in fact, in Kansas. The blowing fields of wheat tipped him off to that.
No, wait. That wasn’t a field, it was a… sandy beach. It looked kind of like that beach he and Cas had stumbled upon driving down the Pacific Coast Highway, what was it called? The one where they’d had to hike down from the lookout point? The one where after they’d trudged back up the trail, they’d sat in the car and looked out over the sea as the sun set? The one where Castiel had smiled at him and the light glinted in his blue eyes and Dean had kissed Cas for the first time ever because he just couldn’t stop himself?
Muir Beach, Dean remembered, blushing at the memory.
But just as soon as he’d reached the end of that thought, it wasn’t the ocean anymore. It was a lake. On the lake was a pier. He’d seen that pier before, couldn’t remember exactly where though.
Then without warning, but without alarm, Dean saw someone standing on the end of the dock. A young man with light brown hair and a sweet smile Dean would recognize anywhere.
Jack waved, walking up casually, “Hey, Dean.”
Dean grinned and pulled him into a solid hug. “Jack. I missed you buddy, how have you been? Where, uh… are we in…”
Jack chucked, “I think you know where we are.”
“Yeah, but I don’t know know, this could… I could be dreaming or some shit, and I guess even in a dream you could say whatever I wanted you to say, so-”
“Dean,” Jack stopped him, “This is heaven. You are in heaven.”
A relieved but small smile spread over Dean’s face. “Cool…”
“I’m not usually here to meet people who pass on, but we weren’t going to miss your arrival.”
“We?”
“Hello, Dean.”
Dean turned around. There was Cas, beaming at him.
“Cas…” Dean reached to embrace him too, only now noticing that the hands that reached out were not as wrinkled as they’d been when he last saw them. He hugged Cas tightly, relieved more than he wanted to admit. “You’re here.”
“I’m here,” Cas’s hand went to Dean’s cheek, holding him in a kiss. They separated, foreheads resting against each other. Cas’s eyes twinkled, “We had an appointment.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Dean took a step back, seeing Jack grinning out of the corner of his eye. “Is, uh… is anyone else coming? Or is this the welcoming party?”
“They’re all waiting for you,” Cas put his hand down, and as he did, it was stopped mid-air, as if resting on something solid. Dean blinked, and there was Baby, new as the day she was made, parked on a long, long road that stretched far out of sight. “Any time you’re ready,” Cas tossed something in Dean’s direction, “we can go.”
Dean caught the keys on instinct, they jingled on the simple ring.
Any time you’re ready, we can go.
He twirled them around the end of his finger a couple times, a thought itching at his brain. Or a couple dozen thoughts.
Cas gave him a look, then turned to Jack, “Could you give us a moment?”
“Yeah, I’ll go get everything ready,” Jack blipped out.
“Get what ready?” Dean asked.
“Dean,” he turned around to face Cas whose brows were knit in worry, bright blue eyes narrowed, “Are you okay?” Dean realized he hadn’t seen Cas clearly for a few years, not since before the cataracts. He’d never gotten completely used to that piercing gaze.
Dean blinked. “Yeah, I… I just… I’m here. Really here.”
“Yes, Dean.”
“And… you’re here.”
Cas gave him that look like he was being patient on purpose, “Yes, Dean.”
“And… fuck,” Dean stood at sudden attention, “I left Sam down there, is he okay?”
Catching Dean's hands in his own, Cas rubbed comforting circles into Dean's skin. "Sam is fine. He was there when you left. That's why I was a little late, Eileen had only just gotten home and I didn't want to leave before she could be there beside him.
"Okay," Dean took a deep breath, concentrating on the physical contact, grounding himself in Cas’s movements, "Okay. I mean I know he's gonna be fine, he was always fine without me," Dean said, almost to himself.
"And you'll see him soon."
The abrupt return of Dean’s panicked look made Cas smile a little, shake his head, "Not that soon, Dean. Don't worry."
"Right. Of course, yeah,” Dean looked around, down the road, the back to his car, out past the waving grain that had returned inexplicably. “Well,” Dean flashed what he thought was a very convincing smile, letting Cas’s hands go as he tossed the keys once and caught them, heading towards the car, “Time to hit the road, huh?”
"Wait,” the suspicious squint was back as Cas caught Dean’s arm, “Something else is bothering you."
Dean turned around, and the ocean was back. The ocean he’d taken a trip to see, had selfishly insisted Cas come along for the ride for.
He sighed. "I just…” Dean ran a hand through his hair, “I don't know, I guess it just don't sit right that I’m… I'm gonna see Mom and Bobby and Jo and Charlie and… everyone. How am I going to look them in the face and not feel guilty that I got decades that they’ll never have? And what did I do with that time, sit on my ass? Judge local car shows? Go to freaking baseball games?"
Cas nodded slowly, simply listening. He then hopped up and sat on the hood of the Impala, shoes and all. Dean shot him an offended look.
“She’s a memory of a car, Dean,” Cas rolled his eyes, “She isn’t going to dent.” He patted the spot next to him.
Dean hesitated, but under Cas’s stare, relented. When he was settled, Castiel laced their fingers together.
“I’ve been trying to convince you for all the time I’ve known you that you’re worthy. That you deserved to be saved. That you deserved to rest.” Cas looked down at their entwined hands, “I don’t think I ever really succeeded.”
“Sorry,” Dean muttered.
“You don’t have to apologize. I know you’ve been doing a thankless job ever since you carried Sam out of your burning home. Shit, even before that,” Dean cocked his head, Cas hardly ever cursed, “you were always trying to be the hero for your mother. Some people are at fault for that,” Cas’s eyebrows furrowed briefly, “but it’s human nature to be hard on ourselves and praiseworthy of others. You, in your limited experience, could not possibly know all of the things that you’ve done that have made a difference. But we’re-”
Jack suddenly blipped into existence, giving Castiel two big thumbs up, then blipped out again.
Dean turned, looking from the space Jack had stood back to Cas then back again, “What-”
Cas shook his head with a smile, “I could never tell you exactly what you’ve meant to the world. But we had a, uh, few volunteers that wanted to show you.”
“Cas, could you quit monologuing for a second and-”
Out of the corner of his eye, Dean saw movement. The endless sea became endless plains which became endless trees, the landscape changing at a rapid rate.
Dean looked back to Cas in confusion, but he didn’t look alarmed. He gave Dean a timid smile, kissed him behind his ear, and whispered, “Just watch.”
Dean watched. For a moment, the scenery couldn’t seem to decide what it wanted to be. Then, it decided not to decide. Grains of sand took the form of towering trees, a picnic table, a bench. Green lake water formed the shape of a small boy, hunched over and scribbling on the table. Lastly the wheat twirled and spun and became an all-too-familiar-looking young man wearing a jacket too big for his frame, walking over to the bench and sitting down across from the kid.
Lucas. The name came to Dean from deep in his memory, he was that quiet kid who drew Dean pictures of the ghost in the lake. The grain animated Dean’s smile as he talked, the figure of Lucas showed Dean his sketches. Their forms dissolved as the scene changed and Dean's form was pulling Lucas out of the water, the sheriff having paid his due.
The figure of Dean left, but Lucas stayed and was joined by his mother, Dean remembered her too. They embraced, and the figure of Lucas grew, changed into a young man, a husband, a father. Soon a half dozen figures were standing there, waving to Dean, and then they disappeared, melting back into water. Lucas was the last to go as he was the first to arrive. He signed a phrase to Dean, and Dean knew the words: Thank you, Dean Winchester.
Then the sand reformed into a schoolgirl, the shapes in the green water plaguing her with images of mirrors and Bloody Marys until Dean stepped in front of her, holding a mirror of grain in front of the cruel, refracted specter. It dissolved, and Dean’s form bade goodbye, but the girl remained. She grew too just like the boy did, becoming a professor, graduating with honors, writing dozens of books, and changing dozens of lives. She smiled, and waved, and dissolved as well.
The shapeshifters appeared next, the sand in the form of Sam’s friend Zach, his sister Becky, and even Dean’s false shifter form, but the true form in the too-large jacket blew them all away, leaving Becky waving goodbye. She too welcomed a family that appeared by her side, and they all looked so happy and grateful to have each other.
Again and again the scenes changed. Green waters showed the cities he had passed through, the homes that were kept from destruction, entire communities that were healed. The water formed and reformed into smiling faces and waving hands. Some of the people, Dean had known on Earth. Many of the places, Dean had remembered driving through. Most of the people and places, however, were foreign to Dean. He lost count of the number of strangers who appeared, the cities he’d never been to. He struggled to keep track as they cycled faster and faster, as numerous as the grains of sand and droplets of water they were made of. It seemed that a whole generation of people, all over the world, would-be victims of an apocalypse they never even knew was happening, knew him. Through words and cheers and song, they retold the tales of Dean and Sam Winchester, the tales they had only learned once they had passed on.
Throughout all of this, Cas pressed his shoulder to Dean’s, his presence grounding but not distracting. Dean’s grip on Cas’s hand grew tighter and tighter. Cas did not let go.
Eventually, the images and figures departed. The sand blew away, the waters swirled and dispersed, and the landscape made its final decision. Only a simple field of golden wheat remained, waving and rippling in the wind.
Only in that newfound silence did Dean notice he was crying. He shook his head, wiping the tears away furiously.
“Dean,” Cas whispered, and Dean turned to face him, vision blurred, Cas looking at him pleadingly. “You sacrificed so much for so many for so long. You don’t have to be strong right now. You don’t have to be strong ever again if you don’t want to. You have done enough.”
Castiel wiped an errant tear from Dean’s cheek, holding his face between his hands firmly, tenderly.
“You are, and always were, enough. Your job is done. Let. Go.”
Dean did.
Cas silently pulled Dean into his shoulder as he sobbed. Dean didn’t even know why he was crying, didn’t know what for. Maybe he was happy. Maybe he was grieving. Maybe he just felt… relief. He wasn’t sure the last time he felt such relief. He wasn’t sure he ever had truly felt it.
After some time, longer than he’d like to admit, Dean sniffed, wiped one hand over his face, and raised his head. Cas was waiting for him, looking at him with care. With love.
“I, uh… I don’t gotta sign any autographs, do I?”
Cas smiled, and pulled Dean in for a kiss. They stayed like that for a bit on the hood of the car, feeling the breeze, breathing in the fresh air. Dean thought he could hear music coming from somewhere, realizing that it was the car’s radio playing softly from the cab. He knew that any time he wanted, he could hop down from the hood of his car, slide into the driver’s seat with the love of his life on the passenger’s side, and carry on his wayward way. Down the road, through the endless fields, towards the ones he had loved and lost. But not yet, not quite yet, because he had time. Maybe in the end, time was all he had ever really wanted, even if he could never allow himself to ask for it.
Infinity stretched out in front of him like the fields of grain. It wasn’t an exciting infinity, but it was his. It was a long road, a family that waited for him, a shoulder to lean on. It was, at long last, a place to lay his weary head to rest.
#destiel#deancas#dean winchester#castiel#destiel fix it#destiel fic#like fields of grain#this is on ao3 but i know if I post an external link tumblr will nuke it so#if you can't tell#I'm taking canon hostage and forcing it to pay reparations
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dancing on the edge of something new
huge thanks to alice ( @reyeslonestar ) for letting me talk this through with her at midnight when it was causing me huge trouble 🥰
five dances in tk and carlos’s life
ao3 | 2.3k | @911fluffweek day 3: getting together // dancing
i.
TK looks over when Carlos slides off the hood of the Camaro, his hand trailing after him until he’s forced to let go. Carlos is smiling almost shyly, shifting from one foot to the other, and TK can’t help but smile back, propping himself up on his elbows.
“Carlos?” he prompts, confusion growing as no explanation is forthcoming. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, of course. I just, uh…” He bites his lip, then takes a decisive step forward and holds out a hand, cocking a brow suggestively. “Wanna dance?”
TK laughs. “Seriously?” he asks, but he’s already sitting up and placing his hand in Carlos’s, allowing him to pull him off the car and to his feet.
“Well”—Carlos shrugs, yanking TK close and smiling at the oof he makes when their chests collide—“it’s how we began, isn’t it? I figured, if we’re starting again, then it feels only right, no?”
TK stares, stuck dumb, unable to do anything but follow Carlos’s lead as his arms slip around his waist, guiding them into a gentle sway. He rests his own hands on Carlos’s chest, the realisation that he gets to do this now—gets to touch Carlos and be with him like this—hitting him all over again. To think he almost threw it all away… Well, none of that matters anymore. What matters is that they’re here, dancing in a field with no music save for the shuffle of their feet in the grass and the occasional bird or cricket, like a pair of lovesick idiots in a romcom.
And he’s never been happier.
He slides his hands up until his arms are resting loosely around Carlos’s shoulders, fingers playing with the stray curls at the nape of his neck. He stares into those familiar brown eyes, so full of warmth and light, Carlos cast in the beautiful glow of the Northern Lights above them, and TK feels an intense feeling take root in his chest. It’s not love—not yet—but it will be.
He can’t imagine not falling in love with Carlos Reyes.
ii.
The club lights strobe around them, bathing the room alternately in lurid colours and strange shadows. The place is packed, the doors practically straining on their hinges, but the only thing TK is aware of is Carlos’s body moving against his own, their movements perfectly in sync with each other.
It’s been a while since they were last about to do this, to come out and just let loose for the night. In fact, TK thinks the last time might have been when they were out with Paul what seems like a lifetime ago; so much has changed since, and TK feels like a completely different person to who he was back then.
He and Carlos have officially been together for a few months now, but it’s like the universe has been working to stop them from actually being able to enjoy it. They’ve managed to squeeze in some dates here and there, but between the shooting, the solar storm, TK’s medical leave, and weeks of opposing shifts, getting a moment to themselves has been difficult.
But now, finally, they have one. And TK is going to milk it for all it’s worth.
He turns slightly in Carlos’s grasp, his head tilting up to catch his lips in a searing kiss. Carlos grips TK’s hips tighter, pulling them flush against his own as he deepens the kiss, and TK gasps, a sharp thrill shooting down his spine.
The night stretches out blissfully in front of them, the knowledge that this isn’t just a fling that will end with the cold light of dawn making it all the sweeter. It’s still a little surreal, even now, but it also feels so damn right.
TK’s heart hammers in time with the music and he sinks into Carlos’s hold, losing himself in his heat.
iii.
It’s not that TK never felt at home at the condo. The opposite in fact; Carlos’s place had been home even before he could officially call it his, and he feels the loss of it keenly. The thing is, though, even after he’d fully moved in, it had been a struggle to think of it as theirs.
It had been home, sure, but it had also been Carlos’s place.
Carlos had found it a little funny, and it had taken several slip-ups on TK’s part and just as many gentle corrections on his for TK to get used to our dining room, and our bedroom, and our house.
And then—well. Just as he’d started to get used to it, it was all gone. Ashes. It hurt, deeply, but TK knew that it was his turn to be the one to lean on, to let Carlos be the one to set the pace. Carlos had lived there for years, after all, and what was TK’s month compared to that?
Really, anywhere that Carlos is would be home, but this—holding the keys to a house they’d picked out together, a house they’d signed the lease for together, a house they’d picked the furnishings for together—feels like coming home.
He hates that it was the condo burning down that got them to this stage, but TK can’t stop a grin from emerging on his face as he slips his key into the lock.
He finds Carlos in the kitchen, humming and shimmying to a song playing from the speakers. To his credit, TK really does try to bite back his laughter, but he can’t quite manage it, letting out a loud snort which has Carlos stopping in his tracks, flushing a deep red.
“I see the unpacking’s going well,” he says, walking over to the kitchen counter and leaning a hip against it.
“It was, actually,” Carlos defends, still blushing. “I didn’t realise you’d be back this soon.”
TK shakes his head; as adorable as Carlos’s embarrassment is, he needs to let him know he’s not making fun. “You can relax, babe. You know I always love seeing you move those hips.”
“Mmm, don’t I know it.” Carlos leans in and kisses him, lingering a moment before pulling back, a wide smirk on his face. “How about you help me finish unpacking here and we’ll see about showing you more of that hip action later?”
TK grumbles, but does as he’s told, the two of them falling into a comfortable rhythm as they work to getting their house in order. It’s ended up being the perfect blend of their different styles, which probably shouldn’t work together, but somehow do, and TK loves it here. They both do, he knows—nothing will ever replace what they lost in the fire, but being able to build a home together is beyond special.
He keeps sneaking glances at Carlos as the afternoon goes on—sue him, his boyfriend is built like a Greek god—and TK smiles when he realises Carlos has started dancing again. He probably doesn’t even realise he’s doing it, which makes the whole thing so much better.
TK watches for a while, then walks up to Carlos and taps him on the shoulder. “Mind if I cut in?” he asks, gesturing to the wooden spoons he was twirling around.
There’s a brief moment of confusion, before Carlos’s eyes light up with realisation. He barely wastes a second in tossing the spoons aside (though, it’s more like a careful placement in the correct drawer) and grabs TK by the hand, sending him into a literal spin.
TK laughs, taking a moment to right himself after the sudden movement caused him to stumble inelegantly. Neither of them are in time with the music as they dance around the kitchen, carefully avoiding the boxes still scattered around, but it’s not important.
For the first time in his life, TK feels fully, completely at home. It’s not a feeling he wants to let go of.
iv.
“I think they were expecting something slower,” TK murmurs, burying a laugh in Carlos’s neck. Their guests are all wearing expressions with varying degrees of shock, and he can’t really blame them—he’s pretty sure the last thing anyone expects to hear during a first dance at a wedding is a country song. “I still can’t believe you even remember it.”
Carlos shrugs. “I still can’t believe you don’t. It is our song, after all.”
TK rolls his eyes, remembering their first conversation on this topic months ago, back when they were still sorting out all the wedding minutiae.
“‘Our’ song, babe?” he’d said, raising a skeptical eyebrow. “Why, because we danced to it for five minutes before leaving to get off in the bathroom?”
“Exactly,” Carlos had replied, his tone so serious that TK wasn’t sure whether he was joking or not. He’d rolled his eyes and lightly shoved at TK’s shoulder. “No, babe. Because it was the first time we danced together on the night that we met. That’s special, right, even if it did only last five minutes?”
TK hadn’t exactly been able to argue that one, and he has to admit now that it was a pretty good choice. If only to see the way Judd almost choked on his champagne in surprise when the song started.
It’s a little untraditional and, if he’s being honest, TK had never thought that one day he would be getting married in Texas on his new husband’s family ranch, with their first dance being to a ‘cowboy song’, as he’d once called it, much to Carlos’s horror. But he and Carlos have never been ones for tradition, and TK wouldn’t have it any other way.
“It’s perfect,” he admits, his eyes never leaving Carlos’s. He stops the dance, not caring that the song is still playing, and steps closer, pressing their bodies together. Everything else fades into the background as he leans up and kisses Carlos, barely moving when they break apart. “I love you, Husband.”
Carlos’s face lights up in a grin that could rival the sun in its brightness. “I love you too, Husband.”
v.
Music is floating through the door when TK gets home, and it’s enough to alleviate the weight he’s been carrying all day. It’s not that it had been a bad shift per se (though, when your standards for a good day are ‘nobody dies’, your view tends to get a bit skewed) but it had been long and tiring, and he’d missed his family desperately.
Sometimes, he still can’t believe this is really his life. But Ana, now three, has been living with them for a year already, and TK can’t imagine their home without her anymore. She’d been a blessing, coming into their lives after years of fighting to get on adoption registers, right when they were beginning to despair of ever managing it.
They did, though, and now TK gets to come home to scenes like this.
Scenes like Ana standing on Carlos’s toes as he guides her slowly around the room in a basic dance. TK watches for a moment before getting his phone out and hitting record; he’ll be damned if he misses the opportunity to get this on film.
Carlos, having heard him enter, rolls his eyes when he sees what TK’s doing, but flashes him a quick smile before returning his focus to Ana. She hasn’t noticed TK’s entrance, her face scrunched up in deep concentration as she grips onto Carlos’s hands as tight as she possibly can.
When the music ends, Ana claps her hands and giggles. TK takes the moment to make his presence known, dropping to his knees and holding his arms out. She barrels into him, almost knocking him over, and presses her face into his chest, her tiny hands creating creases in his uniform shirt.
“Hi, sweetheart,” TK murmurs, dropping a kiss in her hair. He gently detaches her from him and manoeuvers them until she’s sitting in his lap. “Looks like you guys were having fun while I was at work.”
She nods enthusiastically. “Papa was teaching me to dance! Abuela showed me photos when I was with her and Abuelo and I wanted to be just like her!”
“Abuela got out the photo albums again, huh?”
Ana nods again. “Of her… Her…” She frowns and looks up at Carlos.
“Her china poblana dresses,” Carlos says softly, smiling as Ana grins and points at him.
TK laughs and draws his daughter into a hug, rocking them gently, his gaze going up to Carlos. “Well, from what I saw, you were dancing even better than Papa,” he says, smirking as Carlos gasps in mock offence. He looks back down at Ana, tapping on the back of her hand. “You know,” he starts, smiling, “I think I might need some dancing lessons too. Think you can teach me?”
Ana lights up and immediately gets to her feet, as if she’d been waiting for him to ask. She grabs TK’s hand and pulls him up, leading him to where Carlos must have cleared a space for them earlier. The music begins to play again and TK lets his daughter take charge, playfully sticking his tongue out at Carlos when he laughs at TK getting firmly told off for putting his foot in the wrong place.
At some point, Carlos joins the dance, the three of them stepping and bouncing around the front room. Ana’s laughter fills the house, shrieking with delight when Carlos sweeps her from the floor and wraps both her and TK in his arms. TK leans his head on his husband’s shoulder, a hand placed on their daughter’s back, and breathes out slowly, all the exhaustion from earlier forgotten.
At last, he’s home.
#911fluffweek#911 lone star#911 lone star fic#tarlos#tarlos fic#tk strand#carlos reyes#lone star#911ls#fanfiction#my fanfiction#writing#my writing#userjillian#tuserjamie#userkimmy#tuserpaige#reyeslonestartag#tuserjenny
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Rocky Mountain Skies
So I live in the 719 (CO) and I have been DYING to write about it so here’s this hot ass mess Also it’s my first multipart story on tumblr so bear with me (I’ll do a part two because omg)
Christmas is a magical time of year where families get together and revisit the political opinions of the past month but turn around and gift each other things. For the (L/N) family it was no different.
(Y/n) waltzed through the bullpen, coffee in one hand, phone in the other.
“Yes mom I’ll be home for Christmas,” she set her things down and sat at her desk, “No mom I already requested the two weeks off, I’ll be fine,” her sigh caught a few peoples attentions.
“Mom seriously, I get into Denver Sunday at 11, papa already said he’d come pick me up. . . yes mom I know how old he is but you don’t have time remember, besides it’ll be nice to see him. . . Mom I gotta go I have a meet- yes mom I’ll let you know when I get to the airport. . . Mom I have to go byeee” She clicked her phone and leaned back, letting out a long groan.
“Mom troubles?” Derek smirked.
“You have NO idea, I love her but she needs to chill,” she smiled.
“Well I think it’s sweet,” he toys.
“Of course you do, go to work,” she shook her head teasingly.
“All right, all right,” he laughed and walked off. (Y/n) stayed seated at her desk for a majority of the day, skipping lunch to finish files. People stopped by to make small talk while she worked, which she happily sat through. As the day continued on people started packing up their things to head home. It was quiet, the only people left were (Y/n), Spencer, JJ, and Hotch.
(Y/n) Stretched, popping her back, before getting up and walking around the desks. She set her hand on a chair and spun it so the messy haired man was facing her. She smiled at him brightly.
“Hey Spence”
“Hi, uh, is something wrong?”
“No I just wanted to talk to you is all,” she sat on his desk.
“About?” he looked at her curiously. He watched the way her hair set on her shoulders and framed her face, the way her waist dipped and hips bulged slightly, the way her thighs squished when she sat. He forced his eyes beack up to her and felt his face go a little warm.
“You know in the past three years I’ve been here I don’t think I’ve seen you take a vacation, and it’s none of my business if you save it or whatever but I was curious, why?” her face twisted in thought. He sat for a second and thought.
“Well I mean I go “home” occasionally, but I guess I’ve just never had a desire to go anywhere,” he shrugged, “I mean all we do is travel for work so I guess it never really crossed my mind” he smiled at her.
“Well, I uh, look I have an extra plane ticket back home. My ex was supposed to go with me but we broke things off a few months ago. So I guess I’m trying to say if you want to, you could come with me. I mean you totally dont have to and I mean-”
“To Colorado?” he quirked his eyebrow.
“I mean, yes? but only if you want to, I mean you’re my best friend, and closest one so I figured I’d ask before getting a refund,” she twisted her foot into the ground.
“Do I get a cowboy hat?”
She looked up surprised and laughed, “Duh”
“Then I’ll go”
The two weaved through the airport traffic. The building was loud and crowded and both were getting antsy. (Y/n) clutched her bag tight as they maneuvered through the crowds of people. Finally making it outside, the cold mountain air bit at their skin. A old man stood at the end of a row of cars holding a huge sign
‘(Y/N) (L/N)’ written in huge letters decorated the sign.
“Papa!” she cried and dropped her bags, getting swallowed into a hug that itself felt like home. Spencer stood awkwardly by watching the two.
“Where are my manners, My Name is Jim (L/N) but you can call me Papa. You must be Spencer?” The man, Jim introduced himself. He was only about 5′10″ and was clad in a red and white pearl snap with stained coveralls over top. His face was covered mostly by a long Beard and Mustache and he had a pair of glasses perched on top of his head.
“Oh, uh yes sir I’m Spencer,” He smiled at the man who held his hand out. Spencer shook it gladly.
“Well we need to get you kids home. Granny is making soup for dinner,” he bent down and picked up (Y/n)’s bag and rolled it to a old pick up truck, may be ten years old Spencer guessed. He stared at the backseat for a second, his stomach turned, maybe this wasn’t the best idea, maybe he shouldn’t have came, I mean I’m being so awkward an-
“Spence what are you waiting for?, hop in,” (Y/n) called from the back seat. He blinked a few times at her before jumping in and closing the door. She leaned over to him, “I didn’t want you to be alone back here,” she pulled back and smiled.
“Thank you,” he breathed a sigh of relief. As close as they were he had never met her family. He had spent countless nights sitting on her couch easting Chinese food while they finished files or watched bad movies but he still felt nervous being around her like this.
“So Spencer, where are you from?”
“I’m from Vegas,” he replied meekly.
“A gambler huh?” The old man grinned at him in the rear view, “you any good?”
Spencer laughed and shook his head, “I guess we’ll have to see,” he teased back. Jim laughed and smiled at his granddaughter.
“i like this one”
“You like him just because you’re bad at Texas Hold em” she playfully rolled her eyes.
“Hey whatever gets the money,” he laughed again. It was a laugh that filled you with joy. Spencer finally understood where (Y/n) got hers from.
“So Spencer, I know a feller like you can’t be single, so do you have a lady back in D.C.?”
“PAPA!” (Y/n) shrieked, “Don’t go running him off already, good god” she shook her head.
“What I’m curious, he’s a handsome man,” Jim grinned. Spencer was full on burning at this point.
“No sir, I’m single,” He almost mumbled out.
“You know who else is single. (Y/n),” Jim wiggled his eyebrows. (Y/n) glowed the same red that the poor man next to her did.
“Papa oh good god. Stick to breaking horses not my love life, and besides you’re gonna make him regret coming here before he even sees the ranch,” she rolled her eyes. Spencer actually laughed. The two of them were obviously close, it was . . . nice. It was a nice break from what they deal with every day.
The rest of the car ride went by semi fast, (Y/n) explained all of her plans for the two of them while they were here. She was almost glowing with excitement. The wooden fence that stretched along the property line came into view as the truck began up the drive. A gorgeous two story log cabin came into view behind a row of evergreens. The wood was a beautiful light brown, and towered over the yard. A old lady was standing on the porch dressed in a fleece nightgown and brown slippers. She waved as the truck stopped. The group jumped out and began grabbing bags.
“There’s my baby girl,” the woman hugged (Y/n) tightly. She had her same eyes. The woman stood maybe 5′2′ and had a pink and white fleeced nightgown on. Her grey hair fell in neat curls down her back. Her face was wrinkled and warm, the kind that you know showed so much joy in her younger years.
“And this must be Spencer, You’re even more handsome in person,” she cood at him.
“grandma!”
“It’s alright. Yes ma’am I’m Spencer,” he smiled at her, “It’s a pleasure to meet you both,” he grinned.
“Oh where are my manners, lets get you babies inside and warm,” she ushered everyone in. “(Y/n) baby your room is all set up, but um there’s been a change of plans,” The lady frowned.
“What Dawn is trying to say is that your mom and your stepdad are staying in the last guest room, and your cousin Rita is in the other”
“WHAT!” (Y/n) yelled. “Mom said her the Stepdouch were staying home for Christmas! I was promised to get you two to myself. And Rita!” she was fuming. Spencer set his hand on her shoulder, trying to bring her back to earth.
“We know baby but she insisted that you wouldn’t go see her if she stayed,”
“Of course not, not after what she did!”
“And Rita is your cousin, at least try to play nice,” Jim begged.
“No, Not after what they did!” (Y/n) was breathing ragged, anger radiating off of her body.
“Hey, uh why don’t you help me to my room?” Spencer forced her to look at him. She sighed and grabbed her bag.
“Okay” she grabbed his hand and began through the living room up the stairs. Spencer admired the “family” room on the balcony overlooking the living room. (Y/n) led him around the bend and over to the room. She popped the door open and let him inside. She followed and closed the door after her.
“So since my cousin Rita took the guest room we’ll have to share this one, I’m really sorry. I have an air mattress that I can sleep on and you can have the bed. This isn’t how I wanted this to go, I’m sorry,” she spoke almost in tears.
“Hey you didn’t know and I’m kicking you out of your bed, I’ll sleep on the air mattress, besides we can always still do everything you planned. We’ll be okay,” he smiled and held her face. She let a tear fall.
“I know but this was supposed to be a fun trip for you,”
“It will be, what’s more fun than two weeks without work,” he smiled and pushed her hair behind her ear.
“It’s only like one, so would you show me the property?” he smiled.
“Sure, but we need to get you a new wardrobe,” she laughed.
“Hey what’s wrong with my clothes?” he spun for her.
“Well for starters you’re in loafers and there’s snow on the ground, and second I do owe you a cowboy hat,” she grinned. “Come on lets play dress up”
The two of them sat in the attic surrounded by boxes of old clothes. She held up a nice quilt lined coat, identical to the light brown one she had on.
“That should fit, he was about your size,” she smiled and handed him the coat.
“Who?” he asked and examined the inside of the coat when it stared him right in the face.
‘Merry christmas daddy, (Y/n)’ stitched on the tag. his heart stopped.
“(Y/n) I can’t accept these, these meant the world to you I-”
“Spencer please, I’d rather you have daddy’s stuff than any of those other brats,” she sneered. “It’s the only other thing I got from him when he passed. He would’ve liked you,” she smiled and pulled a bunch of pearl snaps out. Spencer's heart leapt. We slid the Carhart on, it sat nicely against his body. She looked up from the boxes.
“Whoa” she gasped. “Spencer you look, just wow” she grinned.
“Wait I have one more thing,” she rushed off to the back of the attic. She returned with a box wrapped in red wrapping paper she smiled and handed it to him. He pulled the top of the box off. Inside sat a nice dark brown felt hat with a brown leather strap around it. It was adorned with a small gun charm on the leather strap.
“(Y/n) this is, this is way too much,” he looked up at her.
“I bought it for you last year, I remember you saying you wanted to be a cowboy so I figured I’d buy it but I forgot it last time so there,” she beamed at him.
“Well, try it on,” she ushered He set the hat on his head, a perfect fit.
“Well?” he spun
“You look like a true cowboy Spence,”
They walked the property talking for hours. The air grew cold and bit at their cheeks.
“Hey do you want to see my favorite spot?” she asked
“Of course,” he grinned. They walked out into the woods behind the house before coming to a clearing. The sun was beginning to set. The mountains had a purple haze but the sky was bright blue. Golden streaks danced across the clouds. The clearing was full of dry grass and thistles that would become tumbleweeds when it got windy.
“(Y/n) this is amazing,” he breathed the fresh mountain air.
“This is my favorite part of being home, the Rocky Mountain Skies. They seem to dance with color. I forget how pretty they are when I leave,” she smiled and watched the clouds float by.
“Why did you leave?” Spencer asked. He turned to look at the girl next to him. She looked small in her coat and her hair was messy from the light wind.
“After my dad died. My mom got with my Stepdouch a month later, the will had been “lost” the will that would have granted my this ranch. The only reason I got it was Papa and grandma claimed they needed a place to live so I mean it’s theirs. My mom got mad because she wanted to sell it. and my cousin Rita wanted all of my dads horses, thousands of dollars worth of horses that she and my mom fought over and split the money on. That wasn’t dads vision, they never cared about this place. Mom moved us into town, So when I turned 18 I left,” she shrugged.
“I’m so sorry (Y/n)” he hugged her.
“It’s okay. So why did you want to be a cowboy?” She teased.
“Well I mean every little boy wants to be a cowboy, I wanted to catch the outlaws, or maybe be them I’m not sure,” he laughed.
“(Y/N), SPENCER, DINNER!” Dawn yelled to them.
“Race you there” she smacked his chest and took off.
“No fair!” he called after her.
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Mi Corazón es Tuyo
TITLE: Mi Corazón es Tuyo PAIRING: Spencer/OC RATING: T CHAPTER: One-shot SUMMARY: The BAU are in Laredo, Texas on a case and an old friend of Kaitlyn’s stops by.
[A/N - I know Narcos takes place in the late 70′s/early 80′s, but for the purposes of this one-shot, it happened in the early 2000′s. So this is an AU for Narcos and regular for Criminal Minds. I kinda wanted to wait until I had finished Narcos to post this, so I googled to see how the series ended so I wouldn’t get anything wrong.]
Kaitlyn stared at the crime scene photos pinned to the board, trying to find some connection.
They were in Laredo, Texas chasing a serial arsonist, who also liked to take one victim hostage.
“Careful there, cerebrito (brainiac). I can practically hear the gears turning in your head.”
Kaitlyn spun around. Only one person had ever called her that in her life.
“Javi!” she screamed. She ran to him and threw her arms around his neck. Her team watched the interaction between her and this strange man, including Spencer. “Oh my god, what are you doing here?” she asked him.
“I could ask you the same thing. Heard your name around town.”
She rolled her eyes. “It’s your family’s annual get together, isn’t it?”
“Um, I’m actually here now. Permanently.”
“Oh. Well, how’s your father?”
“He’s good. He’s good.”
The two stared at each other for a moment before Javier looked over at her team.
“Are you going to introduce me?” he asked.
Kaitlyn blushed. “Oh! Right!” She led him over to her team. “Guys, this is my good friend Javier Peña. Javi, meet the BAU.”
“THE Javier Peña?” Emily asked, “As in the one who helped take down Escobar and the Cali cartel?”
“One in the same,” Javier said. He didn’t really like to talk about his time in Colombia.
In fact, Kaitlyn avoided the subject altogether.
“How do you know Katy?” Morgan asked, ever the big brother.
“We met when I was down in Colombia,” Kaitlyn explained, “I was on vacation and Javi here saved me from being shot. We’ve stayed in touch ever since.”
“You were almost shot?” Spencer asked.
“Uh, yeah. Guess some of the cartel guys heard an FBI agent was down there and decided to try and kill me. You know, the usual stuff.” Kaitlyn said it so nonchalantly that it worried Hotch. She did the same thing when it came to close encounters on the job.
Maybe this was where it had originated from.
“Hey, I’ve gotta be heading back, but I’ll see you later okay? We’ll catch up,” Javier said, “Don’t work too hard.” He kissed her temple and she playfully shoved him away from her.
“Estúpido (Asshole),” Kaitlyn muttered.
Javier winked at her. “Pero amas cariño (But you love it, sweetheart).”
When Kaitlyn turned back around, her entire team was staring at her. “What? Let’s get back to work.” She walked back up to the board.
“You didn’t think it was a good idea to tell us you have a friend who worked for the DEA?” Hotch asked her, quietly.
“I’m sorry, Hotch. I honestly never thought you guys would meet.”
“We’ll discuss this later.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kaitlyn met Javier a few days later before they left for Quantico.
“I hope you know I’m in deep shit with my supervisor,” she told him, “Although did I complain when all that shit went down with Emily? No.”
Javier laughed. “I’m sorry. If I had known that would get you in trouble, I wouldn’t have just shown up. But I couldn’t resist when I heard you were in town. Big guy didn’t seem happy to see me, though.”
“Big guy? Oh, you mean Morgan? He’s just protective. He’s actually exactly like you. Sleeps with anyone he wants to, no strings attached.”
“And what about you?”
“What about me?”
“What’s going on with the guy with the long hair?”
“Spencer? What about him?”
“Oh come on. I noticed the way he looked at you and the way you were trying so hard not to meet his eyes.”
Kaitlyn hit Javier on the shoulder. “I’m supposed to be the profiler, not you!”
“So what’s the story?”
Kaitlyn shrugged. “Got a job in the BAU, met Spencer, end of story. But enough about me, what about you? Any women in the picture?”
“Miel (honey), there’s always women in the picture.”
Kaitlyn laughed. “You don’t ever change, do you Peña? What about Steve and Connie? They still together?”
“Of course. Went back to Miami after everything blew over.”
“You two still keep in touch, right?”
“Of course. He wasn’t just my partner, he’s my brother.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t transfer to Mexico.”
Javier shook his head. “I’m done with Narcos and Sicarios. Bebita (baby girl), I don’t work for the DEA anymore.”
“Why? What happened?”
“I found out some stuff that caused a huge scandal, so they asked me to resign.”
“Oh my god, Javi. I’m so sorry.”
Javier shrugged. “It’s fine. I’m back working on my father’s ranch.”
“My Mexican cowboy. Sexy.” Javier smiled.
Kaitlyn’s phone started ringing. “Hello?”
“Hotch said we should be good to go in about ten minutes. We’re just waiting on you,” Spencer told her.
“Okay. I’ll see you soon then.”
“I love you.”
It wasn’t the first time they’d exchanged “I love you’s” but it never failed to take Kaitlyn’s breath away. “Yo también te quiero (I love you too).” She heard Spencer laugh.
“I don’t know what that means, but I gonna assume you reciprocated.”
“I did, idiot. See you in a bit.” She hung up and saw Javier smiling at her. “Shut-up.”
“C’mon. Don’t want you to miss your flight.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kaitlyn nearly did miss her flight thanks to security not wanting to let Javier through.
The security guard had to call Hotch and get clearance from him first.
“Idiotas (Idiots). I’m fucking FBI! I hope they know I could have them fired in a heartbeat!” Kaitlyn snapped, pulling her luggage out of Javier’s Jeep.
“Fácil allí pequeña mama (Easy there little mama). Don’t break a nail.”
“Shut-up Javi.”
He hugged her. “Hey, take care of yourself.”
“You too.”
“And when you and that boy get married, I want an invite, do you hear?”
Kaitlyn’s cheeks burned. “Yes, hermano mayor (big brother).” She kissed him on the cheek and hurried onto the jet. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
“It’s fine, Kaitlyn. We wouldn’t have left you behind,” Hotch told her, “Wheels up, everybody.”
Hotch went to the back of the jet to call Jack, Rossi and Morgan were sleeping, JJ and Emily were talking quietly, and Spencer sat next to Kaitlyn.
“You and Javier never did anything, did you?” Spencer asked her.
“Reid, if you have to ask that question then you don’t know me very well.”
“It’s just…you two seemed pretty close.”
“And we are. Spencer, Javi is just the Mexican version of Morgan.”
Spencer thought about that and then started laughing.
“And besides, mi corazón es tuyo.”
“Gonna have to translate.”
“My heart is yours. Always has been and always will be, Spencer.”
#spencer reid#dr. spencer reid#spencer/oc#spencer reid imagines#dr. spencer reid imagines#Criminal Minds#criminal minds imagines#narcos#narcos imagines#au#au imagines#narcos x criminal minds#crossover imagine#javier pena#javier pena imagines#aaron hotchner#derek morgan#emily prentiss
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so, I am a big music person, and while writing come then, and be broken I made a playlist for canon!verse buck + eddie, which I offer to you here:
Yes! Yes! Yes! // Hey Rosetta!
A Thousand Suns // Hey Rosetta!
The Fireman // George Strait
Brother // The Rural Alberta Advantage
Carry On // fun.
Texas Love Song // Slaid Cleaves
Is That Alright? // Lady Gaga (A Star is Born soundtrack)
Murder in the City // The Avett Brothers
Brand New Paradigm // Sons of Bill
Revolution Lover // Left at London
A Complete List of Fears Ages 5-28 (Aprox) // The Yellow Dress
Must Have Done Something Right // Relient K
Levi // Old Crow Medicine Show
When You Love Somebody // Fruit Bats
Ho Hey // The Lumineers
Headstart // Jade Bird
Autoclave // The Mountain Goats
Who Am I (Live) // NEEDTOBREATHE
Damn These Vampires // The Mountain Goats
commentary below the cut.
I freely admit some of my reasoning is inscrutable to anyone who isn't me, but some of these are absolute gems and I feel like they deserve more attention.
Yes! Yes! Yes! // Hey Rosetta!
I know it's messy but you'll make it right You don't want pity you want pride
The roof is falling in The roof is falling in I'm not kidding You can probably feel the wind No, no, not again Put your head on my legs It's not time for your untimely end, yet No no no no no no no not yet
Like. This is The Song for a man who keeps throwing his body at problems because that's how he gets love and for someone who just wants to save him.
A Thousand Suns // Hey Rosetta!
Everyone around wants to give you their hands Everyone around puts their hands on your back And they say: we want to thank you so much! we want to thank you so much! Cause all you did for them, you also did for us
What you've done is not yours alone What you've done echoes on and on
The argument for this one honestly feels self-explanatory. If they haven't used this in the show yet, they should. 911 music supervision team all I want is a mention in the credits.
The Fireman // George Strait
My friends, this is a song about a man who hooks up with broken-hearted people and goes "running around this town putting out old flames". I can't not. Also it firmly fits into my argument that because of how old he is and where he's from, Eddie is legally obligated to be into this period of country music.
Brother // The Rural Alberta Advantage
And I heard your final cry Through the dark tonight I'm coming back for you
There's a dream I had Where somebody watched out for me and you
Carry On // fun.
Though I've never been through hell like that I've closed enough windows To know you can never look back ...reads so much like something Eddie would say to Buck - your family sucks and mine sucks less but they still suck; sometimes you just gotta move on and build a new one. With me? 🥺
Texas Love Song // Slaid Cleaves
Once again I just like peppering in little reminders that Eddie is Southern, and I can't not use this song since I know it exists. It's literally a love song where every good aspect of the beloved is compared to something wonderful about Texas. I will not be taking questions at this time.
Is That Alright? // Lady Gaga (A Star is Born soundtrack)
Say whatever you want about Lady Gaga or this film (I like both but neither are hills I will die on), this is a gorgeous song about wanting the entire rest of your life with someone. It still manages to be bittersweet without ever encoding an unhappy ending in the lyrics themselves. It's just beautiful, idk.
Murder in the City // The Avett Brothers
If I get murdered in the city Don't go revengin' in my name One person dead from such is plenty No need to go get locked away When I leave your arms The things that I think of No need to get over-alarmed I'm comin' home This verse has big first responder energy in general, which also makes it good for the show (again music supervision team feel free to borrow this I just want credit). The second verse has big Buck energy though:
I wonder which brother is better Which one our parents love the most I sure did get in lots of trouble They seem to let the other go
Brand New Paradigm // Sons of Bill
The world will keep on turning without you burning out the gears Seconds still collecting into just another year No need for you to pay such close attention all the time Quit passing on the left, let the world go passing by and by
This one just in general feels like a plea to two people who carry the entire world on their shoulders to let someone else carry it, goddammit. Or better yet, understand that no one has to.
Revolution Lover // Left at London
I know that your hope's been missin' I know we both coulda almost died I know it's harder everyday to provide But it's gonna change, I can feel it comin' And when it's here, we’ll be side-by-side I know we'll make it out of this one alive
It is honestly just textual at this point. Also this one is an absolute bop, 10/10.
A Complete List of Fears Ages 5-28 (Aprox) // The Yellow Dress
This song is exactly what it says on the tin, and also a wonderful love song framed with such lush domesticity I could cry.
Must Have Done Something Right // Relient K
We should get jerseys 'Cause we make a good team But yours would look better than mine 'Cause you're outta my league And I know that it's so cliche to tell you that everyday I spend with you is the new best day of my life Everyone watching us just turns away with disgust It's jealousy, they can see that we've got it going on
Ok Buck and I are about the same age, and Eddie is only a few years younger, so this has the benefit of being completely correct for the music of their (our) youth and ALSO is absolutely lyrically on point. I could have pasted the entire lyrics in here but I made myself only pick one section.
Levi // Old Crow Medicine Show
It's a song about a good ol' Southern boy who gets sent to war out in the desert "a million miles from home" where they "shot him down". It's mournful as hell but still manages to be upbeat.
When You Love Somebody // Fruit Bats
When you love somebody and bite your tongue all you get is a mouthful of blood
Ho Hey // The Lumineers
So show me family All the blood that I will bleed I don't know where I belong I don't know where I went wrong
Headstart // Jade Bird
I've more pride than many This is kind of rare for me Everyone knows that it's true You're the only one in the room But you don't see me, do you? Must be blind not to That's alright I'll keep on Putting myself on the line
Just. the biggest pining vibes. It's beautiful. Also musically a 10/10 song!
Autoclave // The Mountain Goats
And I am this great, unstable mass of blood and foam And no one in her right mind would make my home her home
This one is a big Buck song for me. The only problem is the gendered language in the lyrics but the vibe? Impeccable. It's just really anchored in this utter desperation to be seen and known and loved even when you think you don't deserve it.
Who Am I (Live) // NEEDTOBREATHE
Last night, confidence was shaken My wounds and my past was saying No one should ever love me like you do
Still I can't imagine that I've earned your trust I don't understand where your love comes from
horrifyingly, the deep dive I just did to grab these lyrics suggest this song?? is about??? God??? anyway all that aside it's SO good. Just pretend it's about a human relationship (idk that's probably heresy to the Christians don't @ me).
Damn These Vampires // The Mountain Goats
I cannot point you to an exact lyric or idea, but somehow this song just screams "sad city boys with a cowboy motif". Which - how could I not?
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Tears in heaven 7: Grief
Synopsis: Alexis O’Brien is about to get married but memories of her old life are coming back to haunt her.
Pairings: Liam x MC Drake x MC (TRR)
Warnings: This is an 18+ blog.
IN THIS CHAPTER: CAR ACCIDENT, DEATH OF A CHILD, GRIEVING PARENTS.
if you’re triggered by any of these issues, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS STORY
To catch up: Masterlist
A/N: The story will go back and forth between two different periods of time (2015-2019)
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry.
Songs inspiration: Tears in heaven by Eric Clapton
Thanks to @burnsoslow for so so so much. Not only she corrected my several English mistakes but she helped me with her feedback, and with Alexis’s letter and the horrible phone call she receives.I LOVE YOU ❤️
Thank you @pedudley for beta reading, for ALL the feedback and for listening to my incessant whining while I was writing this chapter. I LOVE YOU ❤️
November 2014 – November 2018
That Saturday had started like many others before. Drake woke up early to the sight of Alexis’s soft, bare skin next to him. He leaned over to pepper her back with lusty kisses. They were going to be apart the whole weekend, and Drake wanted to show his beautiful wife just how much he was going to miss her. Alexis woke up smiling and enjoying the jolts of pleasure that his ministrations always produced. Unfortunately, they both heard the voice calling them from the next room, suddenly interrupting their morning plans. Drake chuckled, resigned, as Alexis put on his Rolling Stones T-shirt. Twenty seconds later, Drake brought a sleepy Tom to the room with a book in his hands.
“C’mere, little man.” Drake placed him next to Alexis in their bed. Tom snuggled against his mother and gave her his favorite book as he did every Saturday morning. “I’ll go make us breakfast, Lexie,” he said and left for the kitchen after placing soft kisses on Tom’s and Alexis’ heads.
“Let’s see what you have this morning, Peanut.” She read the title out loud: “The Very Hungry Caterpillar. You really like this one, don’t you, hon?”
Tom nodded vigorously. Alexis giggled and started reading as her son ran his little fingers over the drawings of the book.
When their reading was over, Alexis took Tom to his room. She went to the drawers to pick out his clothes.
“So, Shrek or Cars, Peanut?” she asked as she pulled out two different T-shirts from the top drawer.
“Shek!” Tom yelled excited.
“‘Shek’ it is, then,” she said, winking at him.
After a few minutes of chasing Tom around the room because he refused to wear his pants, they came down to the kitchen.
Drake chuckled at the sight of Tom wearing his green Shrek T-shirt with yellow pants and the cowboy boots Bianca had sent from Texas. His mother didn’t even know Tom. Those boots were the only gift she had sent him in three years, but Tom loved them.
“Bold choice of outfit, little man. Uncle Max will be proud.”
Alexis giggled. “He refused to wear anything else,” she said, placing Tom in his chair. “I can believe I have to work on a Saturday. I’m going to miss you two so much.” She pouted.
Drake was going with Tom to Ramsford for Savannah’s birthday. Alexis had gotten a job as the assistant to a renowned literary agent. She loved it, but it meant that she had to leave with her boss for the weekend to Portavira’s Book Fair.
Drake cupped her face before speaking. “You’re killing me with that sad little face. The weekend will be over before you know it. Tomorrow night we will be here waiting here for you, and we’ll have dinner ready. Do you want to cook with Dad, Peanut?”
Tom clapped with the spoon still in his hand, splashing strawberry yogurt all over the kitchen. “We make cake for Mommy!”
She took a kitchen towel and cleaned the mess, smiling at Tom’s vitality. “Well, if a delicious chocolate cake will be here waiting for me, I’ll be very motivated to come back as fast as possible.”
“I hope you’ll be motivated by more than cake, Lexie,” Drake said teasingly as he served them the food; he had prepared his Saturday special: Belgian waffles with Nutella and fresh bananas.
Alexis gave him a sultry kiss and whispered in his ear, “Finishing what you started this morning is definitely motivation number one.”
Drake blushed. God, she loved him so much it hurt. “You look cute blushing, Mr. Walker.”
He chuckled. “I love you, Mrs. Walker.”
They ate and talked until Alexis’s phone beeped with a message. “Fuck, Drake! It’s Charlie; her car is picking me up in less than 10 minutes.”
Drake smirked. “A dollar in the jar, baby. And I’d like to remind you that you’re losing,” he added smugly.
Alexis stuck her tongue out at him, making Tom laugh. She took a bill out of her wallet and put it in the jar they had placed in the kitchen. They were both trying to stop swearing in front of Tom. Surprisingly enough, Drake was much better at it than she was.
After fetching her bag and coat, she sat on her husband’s lap, looping her arms around his neck. “I have to go -- please take care of our baby. I’m going to miss you two like crazy.”
He gave her a small peck on her nose. “Me too, Lexie, and don’t worry. We’ll see each other tomorrow night. Right, little man? Are you ready to have an adventure with your dad?”
“Yes, an aventure!” Tom exclaimed, beaming and making his parents laugh.
After saying goodbye to Drake with a deep kiss, Alexis took Tom out of his chair and bounced him around, making him giggle. “You behave, Peanut. I will be thinking about you,” she said, rubbing his stomach. “I love you so, so much, my baby.”
Tom placed his small hands on her face. “Me too, Mommy.” Her heart tugged when she put her little boy back in his chair. She was having more trouble than usual saying goodbye.
Drake smiled at the scene. He scooped Tom up into his arms, and they went to the door to wave Alexis goodbye as her car drove away.
Alexis worked hard that day; Charlie was a great but demanding boss. That night, she went to bed with The Goldfinch, Donna Tart’s latest novel. Tart was one of her favorite authors, but she was unable to focus on the story. Alexis finally closed the book and unplugged her phone. Scrolling through The Cordonian Times News website, she saw that a huge storm was about to hit Ramsford. She decided to call Drake.
“Hi, baby. How was the Fair?” he asked.
“Great! You know Charlie. She’s a shark. Three new writers will be signing their contracts next week.” She toyed with her ring before adding, “I just saw that it was rainy as hell in Ramsford.”
“Yeah, the storm is pretty shitty, but I’m a good driver, Lexie. Don’t worry.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay at Ramsford tonight? It’s safer. Please?” she insisted.
“Yes, I’m sure. But please don’t worry, baby. I’ll be careful,” he answered, smiling. She worried too much about them.
Alexis knew better than to insist; Drake was even more stubborn than her. “Fine. Is our Peanut having fun? Did you take pictures?”
“Yes, lots of pictures. I’ll send them when we hang up. He’s napping now, but Max and Liam played with him all afternoon. I swear, I don’t know which of the three of them was having more fun.” Alexis giggled, making Drake terribly nostalgic. “I miss you so much, baby. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”
Alexis looked at the picture of them that she kept in her wallet. “Me too, Drake. And I’m glad that Tom is having so much fun. Tell him I love him with all my heart. I’m sorry he’s napping; I was hoping to talk to him.” She sighed, before adding, with a hint of worry in her voice, “Drake, please be careful. Don’t leave Ramsford if it’s raining too much.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll call you when we get there. I love you like crazy, Lexie.”
“I love you like crazy too, Drake. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.” Both of them hung up the phone smiling.
Drake looked out the window. The storm had calmed down, but it was still raining. He decided to leave anyway; he was a good driver, and the cabin wasn’t far from Ramsford.
He secured Tom in his car seat and left.
They had been on the road for half an hour when Drake took a sharp curve. It happened in a matter of seconds: The wet road caused the Jeep’s tires to slide; Drake reacted fast and was able to regain control of his car.
But the car behind Drake’s didn’t react so quickly. The gray sedan crashed into Drake’s Jeep on the right side ... where Tom was sleeping.
Alexis had fallen asleep with her phone in her hand. She woke up and checked the time: 11:30.
That was weird; Drake should have called her by now. Alexis called Drake, but it went straight to voicemail.
An uneasy feeling took over. She called Savannah, who told her that Drake had left Ramsford around 9:30. She suggested that maybe they had arrived at the cabin and fallen asleep. Alexis thanked her and hung up. She knew Drake by heart -- he would never go to sleep without calling her first. She opened a bottle of water trying to calm herself. She was surely overreacting.
Suddenly, her phone rang, startling her: an unknown number. Alexis took a sharp breath before answering the call that would change her life.
“Hello?”
“Good evening. Am I speaking with Alexis Walker?”
“Yes, this is she.” Ice settled in her stomach.
“Mrs. Walker, this is Lynn from Ramsford Hospital. Your husband and son were involved in a car accident tonight. Are you able to come right now?”
Alexis couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. “Hello?” She swallowed. “Yes. I’ll be there. Are -- are they safe?” “Your little boy is in surgery. Your husband is being checked by a doctor. We’ll have more information when you arrive, Mrs. Walker.”
“Th-thank you.”
But the woman had already hung up.
Charlie insisted that Alexis take her car and driver. Alexis accepted and left immediately. The questions and uncertainty were killing her. During the torturous four-hour drive, she didn’t stop bargaining. If they’re okay, I will never complain again. I promise, God, I’ll never take them for granted. If you let them live, I’ll come to church every Sunday. Every day. I swear. Please, God, just let them be fine. Please, I beg you.
Alexis arrived at Ramsford Hospital around 4:00. She had practically jumped out of the car and run to the reception desk. She saw Maxwell and Liam sitting in the waiting room.
“Where are they? How are they?” Alexis realized how hysterical she sounded, but she didn’t care.
“Blossom! Thank God you’re here! Drake is fine; he suffered a small concussion and some bruises, but he’ll be fine.”
Alexis nodded, terrified of asking about Tom. Maxwell took a sharp breath before speaking. “Tom has been in surgery for a few hours ... the doctor will come out with an update soon.”
She nodded again, feeling a sudden need to see Drake. “Take me to Drake, Max. Please. I need to make sure he’s fine.”
Drake was sitting on a bed in the ER with Savannah. His eyes were red and puffy. He had scratches and bruises all over his face and arms, and a doctor had patched up his head with a bandage.
Alexis ran to him, intensely relieved to confirm that he was okay. Drake stood up and hugged her tightly, his eyes tearing up again. Alexis had never seen her usually-confident husband in such a state of desperation. It scared her to death.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. He has been in surgery for hours.” His voice broke. “They won’t tell me what’s going on!”
Drake wrapped his arms around her; she sobbed against his chest for a long time, waiting for the doctor to come. After a few more hours, the surgeon and a young nurse entered the ER. Drake was facing the door, so he saw them before her. His heart stopped.
The doctor’s expression told him everything he needed to know.
Drake held Alexis tighter, trying to shield her with his arms for a few more seconds from the pain they were about to experience.
The doctor cleared his throat. Alexis turned her head, trembling, unable to breathe. He took his cap off and held it in his hand.
“I’m very sorry. We did everything we could, but-”
Alexis shook her head. “No, no, no, no!” She didn’t realize she was screaming. “Don’t say it! No! It's a mistake.” She turned to Drake, crying hysterically. “Drake, please tell me that Tom is ok. Please, my love. I beg you.”
Drake held her, but he was shaking himself; he felt his heart actually breaking. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry,” he said, crying. He was trying to calm Alexis, but his words had the opposite effect. She bawled desperately. Her heart seemed to pound even faster, even harder. She tried taking a deep breath to calm herself, but her breaths were sharp and shallow. Her vision got darker and narrower. She heard Drake’s panicked voice as if he was talking to her from a long distance. She barely felt a nurse injecting a sedative into her arm … and then everything went dark.
Alexis woke up, and for a few seconds she didn’t remember. But when she opened her eyes, the sight of the fluorescent light in the ceiling brought everything back. Her heart broke all over again as it would break so many times in the future. Drake was sitting on a chair next to her. He hadn’t slept all night as his eyes stared at his phone, looking at Tom’s last pictures. He heard Alexis moving on the bed, so he went to sit next to her and took her in his arms. She hid in his chest and cried again while he soothed her, rubbing her face with his fingers. Alexis couldn’t believe that she would never see her little boy again. It simply couldn’t be true.
“I want to see him.” Her voice was trembling.
“They were waiting for you before … before taking him. Let’s go.” He helped her out of bed and called a nurse who took them to see Tom one last time.
Those last moments with their son were the saddest moments of Alexis’ and Drake’s lives. Alexis refused to let go of him until a nurse gave her another sedative.
Alexis spent the first four weeks after Tom’s death sedated. She went to his funeral, but she wasn’t really present. Drake took care of everything with Savannah's and Liam’s help. After the ceremony, she went back to bed and lay there for hours staring at the ceiling. The pills had the side effect of making her feel empty and numb, but at least the pain in her heart was silent. Drake fed her and took care of her during that time.
After Tom’s death, nothing seemed to matter anymore. Drake’s emotions were a mix of sorrow, emptiness and desperation. The “what if”s were going to make him crazy with guilt. He tried to use alcohol to drown his shame and grief, but it didn’t work. Nothing worked.
Five weeks after Tom’s death, Alexis heard a noise in the middle of the night. She got out of bed and found Drake crying in Tom’s room. Her heart tugged seeing him so broken. She sat on the floor next to him and hugged him. They held each other for hours, crying for their son.
From that day on, Alexis started to get out of bed. She stopped taking the sedatives and promised herself that she would try to fight for herself and Drake. It worked for a couple of days, but soon the mere effort of waking up in the morning was exhausting. Everything was exhausting. Alexis did it anyway. She’d wake up, take a shower and go to Tom’s room. She only meant to spend a couple of hours there, but once she went inside, she wasn’t able to leave. And more often than not, the whole day passed with her crying there, incapable of doing anything else.
Drake was destroyed too. Tom had been the light of his life. Sometimes he felt like a sunken ship.
During the second month after his death, they shared some afternoons where they’d cuddled against each other in front of the fire without speaking, just trying to cope with the deep pain. Those few stolen moments were Drake’s and Alexis’ solace. But they were unable to really communicate, to speak of the bubbling feelings beneath the surface.
Without the pills, Alexis’ mind wasn’t foggy anymore. She felt a deep, breaking pain in her heart and a colossal rage circulating through her veins. At first, her bitterness was directed at God, at life, at fate. But soon, Alexis started to be angry at Drake, too. She tried with all her heart to stop those feelings, but she couldn’t. Drake had chosen to drive in the middle of the storm, after she had asked him to stay in Ramsford. And that had cost her son his life.
Alexis didn’t want to hurt him or to add to his guilt, so she started to avoid him as much as possible. It didn’t work. Drake’s way to cope with his own grief was to take care of her. He truly believed that their love would be enough to keep them together, and for a fleeting moment, Alexis had believed it too.
The rage that Alexis felt for him began as a small spark, but it had soon turned into a burning fire that scared her. She was distant and cold and did everything she could to drive him away.
Drake tried his best to make her feel better. He had even suggested visiting a counselor or joining a grief group. The same Drake Walker who hated to share or talk about his feelings was willing to do it for her. They went once, and it was a disaster. Drake had tried to share a memory of Tom, but the words simply didn’t come out. Alexis had brooded and scowled the whole time.
Alexis felt like she was going to explode with all the emotions she was feeling. She became rude, evasive. She ended up moving into the guest room. Drake was desperate; he tried to make her understand that he loved her, that he needed her.
It was the three-month anniversary of Tom’s death. After yet another sleepless night, she went to Tom’s room. She lay in his tiny bed and cried all day. Drake tried to comfort her, to hold her. But she had chased him away, more haunted than ever by his brown eyes. That night, she had come down to the living room and saw Drake drinking. Alexis sat next to him and poured herself a big glass of whiskey. She gulped it, poured herself another one and gulped it, too.
“I can’t do this anymore, Drake.” Alexis was crying wholeheartedly.
Drake sighed as he looked at her. She had lost 10 pounds and looked tired, pale, extremely depressed. It was the first time since they had met that he didn’t dare take her into his arms. “We need to get help, Lexie.”
Alexis scoffed, “Do you mean like that amazing support group you signed us for?”
For three months, Drake had tried to be supportive and patient. But he felt lost and tired;he didn’t know what to do anymore.
He gulped his tumbler of whiskey before he answered, “I’m doing what I can to help you, Lexie. But you won’t let me. I want us to fight this together.”
Alexis balled her fists. All the feelings that had been accumulating for the last months were threatening to explode.
“I don’t need anyone’s help.” She felt like burning inside. “Especially not yours.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Alexis?” Drake stood up next to her.
When she finally answered, her voice was trembling with fury. “Why?”
“What do you mean?” Drake asked, puzzled.
Alexis’s eyes filled with tears. “Why did you have to come back that night? Why couldn’t you listen to me? I told you it was raining, I told you it wasn’t safe.” Something dark and dangerous had taken over her, and she couldn’t stop. “But no. You always have to be right, so you couldn’t do what I asked. And now he’s dead. MY SON IS DEAD because you’re too fucking stubborn.”
Drake raised his voice, too. “OUR son, Alexis. TOM was OUR son. I miss him just as much as you do. Stop acting like you’re the only one who lost him.” He sighed to calm himself. He raised a hand to touch Alexis’ face, but she dodged it. “You have no fucking idea how it feels when I try to get close to you and you reject me every goddamn time.”
Alexis tried to wipe her tears with the back of her hand. She answered, furious, “Can’t you understand that looking at you fucking hurts? Every time I see your eyes, I see him. And it’s driving me crazy. It breaks my heart every single time.” She took a swig of whiskey to calm herself, but it didn’t help. “You can’t help me; you’re actually hurting me.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying. You’re drunk,” Drake stated, pointing at her glass.
“Yes, I am drunk. But that doesn’t change the fact that it hurts so fucking badly, Drake. Why? Why did you do it?” She shoved him.
“Stop!” He grabbed her wrists. He couldn’t believe what she was implying. “Stop it, Alexis!”
She was bawling, agitated. She wanted to take the weight of her emotions off her chest, so she yelled at him without thinking. “You killed him! You killed our son, and I will never be able to forget that.” As soon as she said it, she regretted it. But it was too late.
Everything went silent for a few seconds. Drake’s mouth went dry. His heart stopped. Every time her eyes darted when she looked at him, or every time she flinched when he touched her, he wondered if she blamed him for the accident. But until that moment, he had refused to actually believe it.
Letting go of her wrists, he grabbed the bottle of whiskey and his glass. He spoke with a gravelly voice. “You’re drunk, I’m drunk. We’ll talk in the morning.”
Alexis swallowed her tears so she could talk. “No, Drake. I’m very sorry for what I just said. You have no idea how much, but I can’t do this anymore. I’ll be gone in the morning.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying. We’ll talk tomorrow.” Drake went up the stairs. The weight of her words oppressed him. He lay down on the bed and tried to drink his pain away.
Alexis stood in the middle of the living room hating herself for hurting him. She didn’t want to feel so angry at him, but the rage was stronger than her. She curled up on the couch and cried for a long time -- for her son, for the horrible pain of missing him so much. And for Drake, for the man she loved so desperately but was unable to forgive. Alexis needed to leave, to flee from their house, from the grief. She prepared a small bag with some clothes she had in the guest room. Before leaving, she went to their room where Drake was sleeping heavily after finishing the bottle of whiskey. Crying again, her heart broken, she kissed his forehead and muttered a sad good-bye. She took off her wedding rings and set them on the nightstand. Drake needed to understand that she wasn’t going to come back for a while.
When she arrived at Maxwell’s loft, she took her old sedatives from her bag. Now that Alexis was away from Drake, she didn’t need to fight anymore. She was exhausted from pretending that she wanted to be alive. So she took two pills with a glass of water and finally fell asleep.
For almost two days, thanks to the sedatives, Alexis didn’t do much besides sleeping and waking in a fog to drink a bit of water. She was exhausted after all the sleepless nights she had had since her son had died. Maxwell checked up on her regularly, but he let her rest. On the third day, he entered her room with a steaming cup of coffee.
“Here, Blossom.”
Alexis grabbed the cup and took a sip. “Thank you, Max.” Her eyes teared up.
Maxwell sat next to her and put his arm around her shoulder. “What happened with Drake, Blossom?” he asked, concerned.
“It was my fault. I’m so angry all the time, Max.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “I tried not to be -- I really did -- but that night, something snapped. I said horrible things to him. And the worst part is that I love him so much, but I can’t stop feeling like that.” Her lip quivered. “I didn’t want to hurt him like I did. I swear, Max. He looked so broken.” The memory made her cry again.
“Calm down, Blossom. You need to talk to him. Even if it’s a painful conversation, you need to talk. Drake has called several times since yesterday; he’s worried about you. I’ll take you back to the cabin.”
Alexis was utterly confused. She didn’t know if their relationship could be saved. She didn’t know if she would be able to overcome her bitterness. But she still loved him with everything in her, and she owed it to Drake and herself to at least try.
“Thanks, Max. I’ll take a shower and then we can leave.”
When Alexis arrived at their cabin, everything was silent. With a huge lump in her throat, she went upstairs. Drake was gone. He had taken some clothes, photos, and her wedding rings. Alexis sat in their bed and cried for everything she had lost. The next day, she left the cabin and rented a small studio with her savings. After that day, her grief became more and more difficult to bear.
Drake woke up the morning after the fight feeling dead inside. His desperation only got deeper when he discovered that Alexis had disappeared, leaving her wedding rings on the nightstand. Drake spent all morning trying desperately to find her, until Maxwell finally answered his phone and told him that Alexis was at his house, that she needed time.
During those two days, Drake called Alexis several times, but every time, Maxwell told him that she was sleeping. Drake knew that it was a lie; Alexis barely slept more than a few hours a night. He thought about going to Max’s loft but dismissed the idea. It was pointless to force her.
Her words replayed in his head over and over again. Looking at you fucking hurts. It breaks my heart every single time. You’re actually hurting me. You killed my son. Drake felt the weight of his guilt crushing him
Forty-eight hours later, Alexis hadn’t contacted him or answered his calls. With her wedding rings wrapped in his hand, Drake realized that it was time to accept that she had really left him. He couldn’t stay there. He was going to die if he had to keep living alone in the cabin where they had been so fucking happy. Alexis was everywhere. Tom was everywhere. The next day, he tried to call her one last time, but she didn’t answer. Drake didn’t insist anymore. He left for Spain, destroyed. Before getting on the plane, he called Liam to ask him to take care of Alexis; Drake knew his best friend wouldn’t fail him.
After three hellish months in Andalucía, Olivia had called him to tell him how desperately depressed Alexis was. Drake immediately tried to fly back to Cordonia to be with her, but he had only found tickets for the next morning. That single night changed everything. Drake had been arrested and sent to prison. He asked Bastien and Savannah to keep his secret because he didn’t want to worry Alexis or distract Liam from helping her.
Drake felt desperate knowing that he couldn’t help her himself. Savannah and Bastien visited him often, but no matter how much he insisted, they never talked about Alexis. Drake sensed that they were hiding something, but it wasn’t until his release that his sister had told him the truth: Alexis had been committed to a clinic after she had tried to kill herself.
Drake didn’t lose any time and jumped on the first plane back to Cordonia to be with her. Sick with worry, Drake didn’t even go to his house to leave his bag; he had gone from the airport directly to the clinic.
When Drake had seen Liam at the hospital, he was relieved to confirm that his best friend had kept his promise; Alexis hadn’t been alone. Liam had known nothing about his stay in prison, so Drake wasn’t surprised at his best friend’s cold reception. The only thing that mattered to Drake at that moment was Alexis. Seeing her again had been the only thing that had kept him alive.
Drake would never forgive himself for all those months that Alexis had been forced to fight her depression alone, without him there to help her. If she gave him another chance, Drake would spend the rest of his life showing her how much he regretted it, how much he loved her.
Liam had asked him to come back the next day. Apparently, Alexis needed time to get used to the idea of seeing him again. Drake accepted willingly. He was desperate to see Alexis, but her recovery was the absolute priority.
But the next day, things didn’t go as he had hoped.
“You left a broken woman, Drake. She has been in hell, depressed and missing you for months. You have no right to come back and burst into her life, now that she’s finally doing better.” Liam cleared his throat. “She told me she doesn’t want to see you anymore. I’d say I’m sorry, but frankly, I agree with her decision,” Liam said, taking an envelope from his jacket and giving it to him. “This is the letter she wrote to you before she tried to kill herself. I didn’t read it, but I know she was desperate. Seeing you again will trigger her and probably set her recovery back months. If you still want to see her after you read this, call me, and I’ll talk to her. But for Alexis’ sake, I really hope you won’t insist anymore.”
Drake sat on a bench and opened the letter.
Drake, my love,
Before anything else, I beg you to forgive me. For all of it: blaming you. The words I said. This.
I blamed you for the accident and I drove you away.
It was never your fault. I knew that all along.
And now? I have nothing. There is nothing without him. I have walked through the last seven months in a fog of desperation, and I can’t do it anymore.
I don't even want to try.
Please move on. Live your life. Be strong the way I cannot be.
It is what he would have wanted.
I have always loved you, with everything in me.
Your Lexie
Drake sat on the park bench and read her letter several times. It was devastating. Picturing her grief, her pain, in his mind was hard enough. But having to face it, having to read firsthand how broken the love of his life had been, was more than Drake could handle.
In spite of what Alexis said in her letter, Drake knew that Tom’s death was his fault. He was also aware that Liam was lying. Drake was sure that Alexis didn’t know that he was looking for her. But Liam was right; after all she had suffered, nothing was worth jeopardizing her recovery for -- least of all him. Drake hadn’t even gone back to his cabin that night. He went to the cemetery first to visit his son’s grave. Then he left directly for the airport, headed back to Spain.
His first year back in Andalucía had been a nightmare. Until then, Drake had stupidly clung to the idea of seeing Alexis again. She had been his motivation to stop drinking, to get help from the prison counselor. Her face was the last thing he saw before falling asleep every night. After all that hope, Drake had a rough time accepting that he had lost her forever.
For a few months, Drake went back to his old bad behaviors and heavy drinking. But one night, reading her letter for the hundredth time, he realized that Alexis was right. Tom would have wanted him to move on. Drake couldn’t continue to hide behind his grief anymore. He suddenly felt the urge to fight for himself. Little by little, he tried to get better. He couldn’t practice as a veterinarian in Spain, so he took a job in a stable training horses and moved out of Bastien’s house into his own apartment. And most importantly, he stopped day drinking.
Drake knew himself; he was never going to love another woman as he loved Alexis. Some nights, he’d go out, meet a beautiful woman, and they’d have fun together, but it never went further than a good night and breakfast.
One afternoon, he met Yolanda at the stables; she was a veterinarian too. Yola, as her friends called her, was a short brunette with pretty green eyes and a wide smile.
Something about her made him think of Alexis. Yolanda wasn’t as sunny as his Lexie, but she was beautiful, funny and smart. Like Alexis, she seemed to love life, and that was contagious. They dated for a few months, but Drake soon realized that he was only trying to replace Alexis with Yolanda, and that wasn’t fair to her. He ended the relationship before her feelings became too strong and resumed his life of endless one-night stands.
Drake’s life was finally back on track when he had received the news of Alexis and Liam’s engagement. It had been a complete shock. In the past, Drake had suspected that Liam was in love with his wife, but he would never have imagined that Liam’s feelings were reciprocated. Drake was well aware that Alexis had every right to rebuild her life, to fall in love. He knew that it was his own fault that Alexis hadn’t even tried to call him and give him the news herself, but the rage was still there. During the weeks that followed, Drake couldn’t avoid the horrible jealousy that was threatening to eat him up. He kept picturing them together and it drove him mad. Until one day, talking to Savannah, he realized that it was time to let Alexis go.
For three years he had lived as an exile in Andalucía so Alexis wouldn’t have to see him again. But she was clearly over him now. Maybe it was time to come back. Drake missed Savannah and Bartie, his country and his veterinary career. So he decided to stop fleeing. He wanted to see Alexis again and make sure she was all right. After that, they’d sign the divorce papers, and he would finally be able to move on with his life.
However, when he saw Alexis again, all of his good resolutions went out the window. Drake had felt angry and jealous seeing Liam’s diamond ring on her finger. In the weeks that followed that encounter, Drake had felt unstable and confused … until the last day at the coffeehouse.
April 2019
Alexis left the coffeehouse frustrated and angry at herself. She couldn’t believe that Drake’s touch was still capable of making her feel that nervous. She got in her car and started the engine. After all that time and the tears that she had shed trying to forget about him, she had finally done it. And she was not going to go down that path, not ever again. To love someone as passionately and as intensely as she had loved Drake wasn’t right or healthy. It was painful and heartbreaking. His departure had nearly killed her. Alexis was aware that Drake had left because of the hideous things she had told him, but she still had waited for him for years, convinced that their love for each other would make him come back. But it didn’t. And now, she was happy again. Liam made her happy. He was sweet, kind and smart. A great lover. He accepted her shortcomings, her traumas. Alexis couldn’t ask for more. She refused to let Drake disturb her life. Whatever feelings she was having for him again, was surely due to their lack of closure. The only thing that should matter to her now was her engagement to Liam. They were going to get married in a month. Liam deserved nothing less than her fidelity and devotion.
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Drake was shaken after his encounter with Alexis at the coffeehouse. Even hours later, he could still feel her skin on the tip of his fingers. He sat with a whiskey in his hand, thinking about her reaction. As stupid as it seemed, he was sure that Alexis had felt the same powerful electricity that he did. They still shared their old chemistry, even when they had fought at Savannah’s party; it had been heated, passionate. He savored the malty liquid burning his throat as he thought about how gorgeous she was. For the first time since he had seen her again, Drake allowed himself to freely think about her -- her beautiful dark eyes, her soft features, the way she flicked her hair. The old sparkle of her eyes was still there; it was hidden behind a shadow of sadness, but it was still there. That afternoon, Drake had had to actively stop himself from kissing her.
There was no point in lying to himself any longer; he was still desperately in love with Alexis, even more than before. Drake admired her new strength, her determination to fight in spite of the pain. He missed her sarcasm, her sense of humor, the way she always put him in his place. He was as captivated by her mix of sweet vulnerability and intense fire as he had been 10 years before. God he had missed her so fucking much all those years. Drake was destined to love Alexis for the rest of his life.
However, the last thing he wanted to do was to disturb her life. So Drake made a decision. If Alexis was truly happy with Liam and her new life, as much as it killed him, he would sign the divorce papers and leave her alone. Even if that meant that he’d have to spend his life loving her from a distance. But if he discovered that she still loved him too but was too scared to admit it -- if there was a chance that he could still save his marriage -- Drake wasn’t going to leave without fighting for her.
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submission:
thanks eggs! im gonna add in some more dates of early swiftgron
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Speak Now tour arm lyrics:
Swiftgron meet cute day: “Tell me everything you want to hear – like that was your favorite year.” – Dixie Chicks, Favorite Year. Power Balance Pavilion in Sacramento, California on September 3, 2011.
“You’re just somewhere that I’ve been and I won’t go back again.” – Selena Gomez, Ghost Of You. Rose Garden in Portland, Oregon on September 6, 2011.
“You are the ever-living ghost of what once was.” – Band of Horses, No One’s Gonna Love You. Tacoma Dome in Tacoma, Washington on September 7, 2011.
“There was always something that meant more to you than me.” – Jessica Andrews, There’s More To Me Than You. Rogers Arena in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada on September 10, 2011.
“Where were you when the world stopped turning.” – Alan Jackson, Where Were You (When The World Stopped Turning). Rogers Arena in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada on September 11, 2011.
“Be a best friend. Tell the truth. Overuse ‘I love you.'” – Lee Brice, Love Like Crazy. Bridgestone Arena in Nashville, Tennessee on September 16, 2011.
“This one’s for the girls who love without holding back.” – Martina McBride. This One’s For The Girls. Bridgestone Arena in Nashville, Tennessee on September 17, 2011.
“Love, save the empty and save me.” – Erin McCarley’s Love, Save The Empty. CenturyTel Center in Bossier City, Louisiana on September 20, 2011.
“Do you realize that you have the most beautiful face?” – The Flaming Lips, Do You Realize. Bank of Oklahoma Center in Tulsa, Oklahoma on September 21, 2011.
*Dianna Agron and Naya Rivera kiss as their Glee castmates cheer them on at the Governors Ball. - September 21*
“I hope you know that even if I don’t, I wanted to.” – Rachael Yamagata, Even If I Don’t. Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City, Missouri on September 24, 2011.
“But it flew away from her reach so she ran away in her sleep and dreamed of paradise.” – Coldplay, Paradise. Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado on September 27, 2011.
“Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride.” – Jimmy Eat World, The Middle. Energy Solutions Arena in Salt Lake City, Utah on September 28, 2011.
“Just as free, free as we’ll ever be.” – Zac Brown Band, Free. Phillips Arena in Atlanta, Georgia on October 1, 2011.
“No telling where it will take you, just live your life.” – T.I. [feat. Rihanna], Live Your Life. Phillips Arena in Atlanta, Georgia on October 2, 2011.
“It’s easy saying nothing when there’s nothing to say.” – KT Tunstall, Fade Like A Shadow. Verizon Arena in Little Rock, Arkansas on October 4, 2011.
“She’s out there on her own and she’s alright.” – Shawn Colvin, Sunny Come Home. New Orleans Arena in New Orleans, Louisiana on October 5, 2011.
“A little voice in my head said don’t look back, you can never look back.” – Don Henley, Boys Of Summer. Cowboys Stadium in Dallas, Texas on October 8, 2011.
“Through autumn’s advancing we’ll stay young, go dancing.” – Death Cab for Cutie, Stay Young, Go Dancing. KYC Yum Center in Louisville, Kentucky on October 11, 2011.
“Can you still feel the butterflies? Can you still hear the last goodnight?” – Jimmy Eat World, For Me This Is Heaven. United Spirit Arena in Lubbock, Texas on October 14, 2011.
“I hope to God I would’ve done something good with my life.” – Ronnie Milsap, My Life. Chesapeake Energy Arena in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma on October 15, 2011.
“Memories fade, like looking through a fogged mirror.” – MGMT, Kids. Valley View Casino Center in San Diego, California on October 20, 2011.
“May angels lead you in. Hear you me my friends.” – Jimmy Eat World, Hear You Me. Jobing.com Arena in Phoenix, Arizona on October 21, 2011.
“Where love is just a lyric in a children’s rhyme, a soundbite” – Keane, Is It Any Wonder? AT&T Center in San Antonio, Texas on October 25, 2011.
“And I never saw blue like that before. Across the sky. Around the world.” – Shawn Colvin, Never Saw Blue Like That Before. Frank Erwin Center in Austin, Texas on October 26, 2011.
“Cause happiness throws a shower of sparks” – The Fray, Happiness. Rupp Arena in Lexington, Kentucky on October 29, 2011.
“But darling, I wish you well on your way to the wishing well” – Patty Griffin, Nobody’s Crying. FedEx Forum in Memphis, Tennessee on October 30, 2011.
“It’s love’s illusions I recall. I really don’t know love at all.” – Joni Mitchell, Both Sides Now. Minute Maid Park in Houston, Texas on November 5, 2011.
“Birds flying high you know how I feel.” – Nina Simone, Feeling Good. Veterans Memorial Arena in Jacksonville, Florida on November 11, 2011.
“I could rest my head knowing that you were mine.” – Guns N’ Roses, November Rain. St. Pete Times Forum in Tampa, Florida on November 12, 2011.
“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” – Anonymous. American Airlines Arena in Miami, Florida on November 13, 2011.
“I feel lost again but this time for the best.” – Gregory & the Hawks, For the Best. Time Warner Arena in Charlotte, North Carolina on November 16, 2011.
“We learned more from a 3 minute record than we ever learned in school.” – Bruce Springsteen, No Surrender. RBC Center in Raleigh, North Carolina on November 17, 2011.
“Where would we be today, if I never drove that car away.” – Darius Rucker, Don’t Think I Don’t Think About It. Colonial Life Arena in Columbia, South Carolina on November 18, 2011.
“May these memories break our fall.” – Taylor Swift, Long Live. Madison Square Garden in New York City, New York on November 21, 2011.
“Bring all the pretenders, one day. We will be remembered.” – Taylor Swift, Long Live. Madison Square Garden in New York City, New York on November 22, 2011.
*Dianna (and Karlie) tweet in response to Taylor’s vogue shoot* - January 17 2012
“I am on a lonely road and I am traveling, traveling, traveling.” – Joni Mitchell, All I Want. Burswood Dome in Perth, Australia on March 2, 2012.
“We sleep underneath the same big sky at night. And dream the same dream we can fly.” – Chantal Kreviazuk, In This Life. Adelaide Entertainment Center in Adelaide, Australia on March 4, 2012.
“She said watch your back, I’m nobody’s girlfriend” – Matt Nathanson, Modern Love. Brisbaine Entertainment Center in Brisbane, Australia on March 6, 2012.
“The war outside your door keeps raging on. STOP KONY 2012” – Taylor Swift, the Civil Wars and T. Bone Burnett, Safe And Sound. Brisbaine Entertainment Center in Brisbane, Australia on March 7, 2012.
“Go cut through the noise so you can know what love sounds like.” – Natasha Bedingfield, Neon Lights. Allphones Arena in Sydney, Australia on March 9, 2012.
“If things go right we can frame it and put you on a wall.” – Ed Sheeran, Lego House. Allphones Arena in Sydney, Australia on March 10, 2012.
“We Love our lovin’ but not like we love our freedom” – Joni Mitchell, Help Me. Rod Laver Arena in Melbourne, Australia on March 12, 2012.
“Last time I talked to you, you were lonely and out of place.” – Our Lady Peace, Somewhere Out There. Rod Laver Arena in Melbourne, Australia on March 13, 2012.
“All romantics meet the same fate somehow.” – Joni Mitchell, The Last Time I Saw Richard. Rod Laver Arena in Melbourne, Australia on March 14, 2012.
“Keep your feet ready, heart beat steady, keep your eyes open” – Taylor Swift, Eyes Open. Vector Arena in Auckland, New Zealand on March 16, 2012.
“Every lesson forms a new scar” – Taylor Swift, Eyes Open. Vector Arena in Auckland, New Zealand on March 17, 2012.
“You know wherever I am, I’ll come running to see you again” – James Taylor, You’ve Got A Friend. Vector Arena in Auckland, New Zealand on March 18, 2012.
**Taylor goes home (running to see someone again?) and The Swiftgron spring kicks off and all these two girls do is hang out all spring and summer**
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You’re Always 16 Hours Ahead
Summary: Killian Jones never expected to hit it big, but the opportunity of a lifetime pulls him away from home and the woman he pines for. Can a friendship that just might be more survive a concert world tour?
(With wide eyes and faith
That life could never pull us apart if we were ok
But distance kills the best of intentions…)
(~2.6K. Rated T for language. Also on AO3)
~~~~~
A/N: I’m so excited to share my contribution to the @csconcertseries! This is an idea I’ve had for a long time, and I’m excited to finally bring it to life. This is inspired by “Jet Lag” by Frank Turner, and also includes references to “Polaroid Picture,” “Get Better,” and “Plain Sailing Weather.” I’ve definitely been blasting his stuff all month long and dragging other people with me (looking at you, @thejollyroger-writer). Super thanks, as always, to @snidgetsafan for her beta talents.
Without further ado: Enjoy, and let me know what you think!
~~~~~
POP PRINCESS ANNOUNCES WORLD TOUR
Great news, Fairy Fans: Wildly popular pop music star Tink is planning a world tour. The international exhibition will be undertaken to promote her latest album, “Neverland No More”. Tink will be joined on her tour by recent up-and-comer Killian Jones, who will serve as her opening act. Jones has captured the world’s ear with his recent hit single, “Green Eyes,” which continues to climb the pop charts. A full schedule of planned concerts can be found at…
September 17th
Dear Emma,
I know it’s only been a few days, but I already miss you and Henry. Los Angeles is loud, and congested, and so much unlike Storybrooke that it scares me a little. But when that happens, I try to remember our bench on the docks, and it helps ground me. I’ve got a picture of us out there taped to the inside of my guitar case, just as a reminder that even if everything changes, I’ve always got something to come home to.
You didn’t think I was kidding when I said I’d write, did you? Mark my words, I intend to write you from every stop. To hell with blocking or setup or rehearsals or whatever, I’ll be sitting on an amp backstage writing you.
You must tell me everything, Swan - don’t you dare get skimpy with the details in your next email! I know it’s been less than a week, but I’m sure there’s something from the gossip mill. Has Liam secured a new Friday act yet? I’m sure he won’t find anyone nearly as talented (or handsome!) as yours truly, but I can’t imagine he and Robin are leaving that slot open in my honor. Tell me, how much do you think he’ll groan if I send back a signed world tour poster?
I’ve got to go - something about the lights. Such is the life of a rock star, isn’t it?
Your own personal celebrity (and best friend),
-Killian
September 19th
Liam -
Brother, you’ve got to stop calling every few hours. I know you’re bored and your life is empty without me, but this is getting ridiculous. Half the road crew thinks you’re my father. Do you intend to run up your phone bill when the tour crosses the ocean? I love you, but please don’t go broke on my behalf. Now is the time to wean yourself off me.
All teasing aside, I do appreciate the calls, not to mention everything else. If you hadn’t insisted on making those demo tapes and forcing me to Boston and any venue or bar that would take me, I wouldn’t be here today.
You’d have been so proud to see me - I must have been sweating gallons, but I got up on stage in front of that massive crowd and I did it, sang my pieces. The noise of all those people practically shakes your bones, Liam - and that wasn’t even half the noise that Tink elicited! I don’t know how she does it. I suppose I’ll find out, though, won’t I? After all, this is my big break, as long as I don’t screw it up too badly.
I’m sure I’ll talk to you later - in the meantime, say hello to the lads for me.
-Killian.
P.S. Keep an eye on Emma and Henry for me, would you? I know you’ve already promised, but I worry. I owe you one, brother.
October 2nd
Emma -
Hello from Seattle! It is just as rainy as promised, and I’ve lost count of the coffee shops. Part of that might be the Starbucks, though. I swear, they’re like a plague, popping up all over the place.
The tour is still going well. I might even get used to this tour bus life! I miss you all, of course - my love especially to Henry - but it’s exhilarating, getting up on stage every night in front of so many people. The crowds are huge, Swan, larger than I ever could have imagined. I know they’re mostly here for Tink, but there’s always applause and a handful of people singing along to my songs, and it’s the best kind of adrenaline. Leaves me with an itch in my fingers and a new song stuck in my head. I’ll work it out later.
I’m so happy to hear that Henry is doing so well in kindergarten; he’s always been a little social butterfly. I’ll bet that he makes tons of friends; I’m glad he loves it so far. I’ll call soon, I promise.
Yours,
-Killian
October 20th
Swan -
Happy Birthday, darling! Technically, I’m mailing this a few days early, but I hope it’ll reach you just in time. I’m sorry to be missing the festivities this year - just know that I’ll be thinking of you all day, wishing I was there to celebrate with you. Keep an eye out for a package or two - and before you even try to protest that I don’t need to, they’re just little things, love. Stuff that made me think of you. Tokens of my affection, if you will. It’s your birthday, anyways - live a little! Let us spoil you for once.
Texas is… less than impressive. Large? Yes, in a way that feels almost performative. It’s missing some kind of charm, at least to me. Then again, I’ve never been much for cowboy hats; maybe that’s the real problem, here. Regardless, I’d gladly take the northeast fall colors any day.
Make a good wish, alright? I hope the year to come is as wonderful as you are.
Yours,
-Killian
November 26th
Dear Henry -
Happy Thanksgiving! Did you have a good holiday? Did Granny make enough macaroni and cheese for you to eat your fill? I know that’s your favorite.
Thank you for watching the parade! I was really excited to be in it too. Sadly, the powers that be wouldn’t let me take home the Snoopy balloon for you, but I did manage to get a couple of handfuls of confetti for you. It should be inside this envelope. You would have loved it, Henry - the confetti was flying everywhere and I saw so many really cool floats up close and personal. We’ll maybe have to go together in a couple of years, aye? We’ll ask your mum.
Draw lots and lots of turkeys for me, little mate - I know you’re really good at that. And give your mum and Liam a great big hug for me!
Love,
-Killian
CELEBRITY FILE EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH EVERYONE’S NEW FAVORITE HEARTTHROB - KILLIAN JONES
… In researching this piece, I heard over and over about how personal Jones’ lyrics were, how well they captured every feeling and variation of being in love. Every fan out there seems to feel like his words are written just for them, like a window into their soul. So when I finally met with the man himself, I couldn’t help but ask: Was there anyone who inspired such lyrical devotion? Some woman - or man! - in his own life who inspired such moving words?
“You know, the thing I’ve always liked in listening to music on my own is being able to recognize a little bit of myself in someone else’s words,” Jones told me in response to the question. “It always made me feel a little less alone - a little more connected to other people, I guess, to hear that they experienced or saw things the same way I do. It’s very rewarding to hear that people feel the same way about my music. I’m of the opinion that music should be a universal experience, and when I write, I write words that I hope other people can see a bit of themselves in.”
Something about that blush and the nervous scratch behind his ear that fans know so well tells me he’s holding out on us…
December 11th
Dearest Swan -
The holidays have crept right up on us, haven’t they? Do us both the favor of imagining me singing that sickly-sweet “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” nonsense, because it’s true. December 20th. Mark your calendar, and don’t blame me if I fall asleep on the car ride home from the airport. It’s all this travel, you see - takes it right out of you. You can’t blame a man for that, love.
(Also, please ignore that I’ll be flying in from Chicago. I still plan to claim jet lag. That one hour difference, love, it’s a real killer.)
Is there anything in particular that Henry especially wants this year? I’ve done my best to pick up things for you and Liam and everyone else, but I know the lad’s tastes change practically hour to hour, and he’s probably got a whole list stashed somewhere. I want to get him something he’ll really like instead of just wandering through the toy store in a panic, if at all possible.
Counting the hours until I see you again,
-Killian
January 8th
Emma -
I don’t even know where to start. How can I properly apologize for what happened at New Year’s? I struggle, because I can’t truthfully say that I regret it. I don’t think I’ve made it a secret all these years that I’m helplessly enthralled by you and everything you are. There are words - big words, three words - that rattle around in my heart every day, but I know you’re not willing to hear them yet. I’ll be here, love, whenever you’re ready.
I know you’re scared, Emma, but I’m begging you - just talk to me. We can forget all about this, if that’s what you want, but you’ve got to talk to me. Every day I don’t hear from you is just a little bit harder. I’ll follow your lead, whatever you say.
You’ll always be my best friend, Swan - no matter what else happens.
-Killian
January 20th
I kissed her, Liam.
I’m sorry; that’s not much of a way to start a letter is it? How are you? Everything going well?
But I’m sorry, I’ve got to talk about this and get it off my chest. Because I kissed her, Liam. Emma. I kissed Emma. And then it kind of… all went to shit. I guess that’s just like me, isn’t it? Give me one fine day of plain sailing weather, and I can turn it to stormy seas.
And I know where she’s coming from, really - I know better than almost anyone about how she’s been left behind too many times. As much as it hurts to have this sudden radio silence, I know she’s just trying to protect herself. But I love her, Liam. I’ve loved her forever. This isn’t just “distance makes the heart grow fonder,” or something stupid like that. I should have acted a long time ago. I should have done a thousand different things, but here we are.
If you have any ideas of how to fix this, please, let me know. I hope you’re having a happier new year than I so far.
-Killian
February 2nd
Dear Emma -
I can’t tell you how good it was to hear from you the other day. You may think that there’s nothing interesting about all the goings-on in the bar, but that particular kind of nothing is soothing. It’s like a little piece of home in every email. Besides, I know that the bar is never quite as boring as we always joked. And I’d welcome any word from you anyways, after how much I’ve missed you.
We’re in Paris right now. It’s gorgeous, truly - I’ll have to bring you and the lad back sometime. I know you’d call me a nerd, but I’ve been hitting museums - the Louvre, the Musee d’Orsay, the Rodin museum, etc. I made sure to do the Eiffel Tower too, just for you, even though the crowds were utterly terrible. Stuffed my face with pastries too, all on your behalf.
(Okay, you caught me, Swan - the pastries are for me too. The croissants, Swan! The bread! I surely won’t fit in my trousers if we’re here any longer, but I can’t regret it. I swear, I’d ship some back to you if I thought they’d survive the trip.)
We’ll have to schedule time for a call home soon - I find myself so often longing for your voice. I love your emails, but there’s something to a phone call that can’t be replaced.
Yours,
-Killian
March 11th
Dear Henry -
Thank you for sending me that drawing! I love it. It’s taped to the inside of my guitar case now, where I can look at it every day. I especially like the yellow you used for your mum’s hair. You’ll have to thank her for scanning that for us on my behalf. That’s good form, you know.
I’m in Amsterdam right now. Your mum or Liam can show you where that is on a map; it’s in Western Europe. I went someplace I think you’d love today; it’s called Madurodam. It’s this entire miniature city, with little airplanes and zoo animals and everything. I had a lot of fun exploring it, and I think you would too.
A graduation, you say? From kindergarten? I wouldn’t miss it for the world, lad. I’ll be home, no matter what.
I miss you, Henry, and your mother too. It always brightens my day to see an email from you.
Sealed with a great big hug,
-Killian
April 21st
Emma -
London is rainy and cold. I suppose I shouldn't have expected anything different, but here I am, surprised all the same. It’s hard to convince myself to go do any of the tourist-y things when the weather is like this, so I’m stuck inside, writing to you. Not that that’s ever a hardship...
You’d hardly recognize me with this get-up I’ve found myself in for the show tonight - the heavy eyeliner especially. Gone are the days of some beat-up tee - though I think you might like the vest. Getting dressed feels like slipping into some other persona. I worry a lot of the time about whether I’ve changed beyond recognition, or if I’m still the same person you know. That’s the man I want to be, you know - someone you can be proud of, but somehow still that same poor bastard in the bar, just trying to write words that mean something. I hope I am. But you know how it goes - distance kills the best of intentions.
I miss you terribly, Swan, and Henry too. Hell, even Liam. These letters are all that ground me some days, I fear. On the loneliest nights, I reread your emails and imagine you’re talking to me instead. It’s always just a too-brief daydream, unfortunately.
I’ve grown rather maudlin, haven’t I? That won’t do at all. I blame it on the rain. Here’s a happier note for us both: I’ll be home late next month. Perhaps I’ll have to make one of those paper chains Henry’s so fond of; if I do, I’ll include a picture with my next letter.
Counting the days. Until then -
Love, Killian
May 17th
My Swan -
By the time you get this, I’ll be home with you and the lad again, and hopefully have already told you in person everything I want to say now:
I love you, Emma. Every word of every song is for you. I’ve loved you from the first moment I laid eyes on you, and no time or distance or groupie is ever going to change that. I’m yours, love, body and soul. And I have faith that life can never tear us apart as long as that’s true.
I’m coming home, love. And my home is you.
Yours (in every sense),
-Killian
BREAKING NEWS: KILLIAN JONES’ SECRET LOVER?
Bad news for all the fangirls and Killy-Tink shippers out there: Bad boy popstar Killian Jones appears to be off the market. The singer, 27, was spotted locking lips with an unidentified blonde at the Storybrooke Memorial Gardens, just outside of Boston, where Jones calls home. Sources have long speculated that Jones has a secret girlfriend back home, and this just might be confirmation. Check back as this story continues to develop. StarWatchOnline remains YOUR #1 celebrity news site…
~~~~~
Tagging: @snowbellewells, @profdanglaisstuff, @kmomof4, @winterbaby89, @teamhook, @ohmightydevviepuu, @optomisticgirl, @spartanguard, @thisonesatellite, @let-it-raines, @scientificapricot, @searchingwardrobes
#cs ff#captain swan ff#cs concert series#Captain Swan#You're Always 16 Hours Ahead#epistolary fic#rockstar!Killian
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Just a Place - Part 9
Pairing: Ryan Brenner x Reader
Word Count: 10,155 (it got long but there was nowhere else for me to cut it)
Rating: M (language, implied zest)
Summary: As you and Ryan head back to Utah - and back to see Ginny and Henry, parts of his past begin to resurface... but can you and Ryan get past them while at ground zero?
Author’s Note: I need to stop neglecting Ryan Brenner. But this and the next chapter are difficult for reasons that I am SURE you will understand. Thanks to you guys for your patience!
Your POV
By the time you were passing through Layton, Ryan had fallen silent, and so had you. He’d taken over driving in Price when you’d stopped for gas, and though the two of you had continued to talk, you could tell that Ryan’s attention wasn’t fully on you. This isn’t going to be an easy trip. You knew that it was partially because of Jackie, but with the way he was acting, you were almost positive that Ryan was more worried about seeing Virginia again after so long, having to re-live the loss of his best friend. “Ry?” You looked over at him, reaching over with your left hand to turn the radio down. “You don’t have to call her today, we can -”
“No.” He shook his head, eyes on the road. “No, I told Ginny we’d be getting in today, an’ I can’t… we should…” You nodded, but didn’t say anything else. “What time can we check in?” You pulled your phone out, opening the app and tapping through to your reservation. You’d looked into hotels, but had instead chosen an Airbnb, since they were about the same price, and there had been more to pick from.
“Any time, Ryan.” You scrolled through the pictures of the place you’d rented - an entire house with a hot tub out back, only a few minutes from Ginny’s apartment complex - and sighed. “We just have to check in with the keypad, but the host said as long as it was after noon, we were -”
“Good.” Ryan nodded at you, taking his eyes off of the road for long enough to look down at the clock. “You promised me m-”
“I know what I promised you, Ryan Brenner.” You reached over again, this time placing your hand on his knee. “And trust me, I plan on making good on that promise.” You watched his lips twitch into a smile. “But I think we should stop and get some stuff for the house first, in case we’re with Ginny too late.” He sighed, not answering right away. “Ryan, I don’t know how late -”
“You’re right.” He glanced over and you saw the look in his eyes, the intensity catching you by surprise. “I’m just lookin’ forward to getting out of this car.” You laughed, glad to hear that he was joking with you, even though you could still tell that he was off, and decided to ignore it, letting Ryan deal with being back in the city in his own way. You reached forward, tapping in the address of a grocery store into the GPS and settling back into your seat as it rerouted you.
“It’s nice here, Ry.” You turned your head to look out the window, eyes moving over the landscape. He exited the highway, turning onto W 2100, and you grinned. “I definitely get the appeal of living in the mountains, it’s a lot different from the coast.”
“It is.” He nodded, slowing down with traffic, his hands tight on the steering wheel. “Wakin’ up to the mountains is real nice, even in the summer. We’ll have to… we’ll have to try it out sometime.” You parked soon after that, and hurried into the store, buying enough food and drinks to last you a few days - a couple six packs of beer included. You and Ryan hadn’t had true time off since you’d left Texas months prior, and even though you knew that being in Ogden wouldn’t be easy for him, you still wanted to take the time to relax. After all, we’ll be here for a week.
Satisfied with your purchases, you got back into the car, you climbing into the driver’s seat, and within fifteen minutes, you’d parked in the driveway of your rented home. You put the groceries away while Ryan carried in your stuff, dragging both suitcases up the stairs and into the master bedroom while he left the guitars in the living room. By the time you were done, he still hadn’t come back downstairs and so you went looking for him, fingers trailing over the wall as you walked. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, legs spread and his hands clasped between them, eyes trained on the floor. Pausing in the doorway, you watched him for a few seconds without speaking. “It’s weird bein’ back here, and we haven’t even been to…” Ryan shook his head. “Never been to this part of Ogden before, this far east?” He looked up at you, worry in his eyes. “Feels like comin’ back somewhere after I ran from… from a mistake.”
Stepping fully into the room, you made your way to the bed, sitting next to him. “What mistake would that be?” He didn’t answer right away and you could tell that he was thinking about it. Whatever he says, you have to …
“Not tryin’ harder.” His voice was quiet, and Ryan reached out to take your hand, thumb moving over the back of it before he linked his fingers with yours. “Not with…” You looked over at him, watching his head shake back and forth, hair hanging over his eyes. “With Ginny. With Cowboy. I knew where they were long before I made my way up here the first time, an’ when I was here, it was just about… gettin’ to Portland. I shoulda come sooner. I could have…” Ryan squeezed your hand. “I was supposed to be here a couple months before I ended up… If I would… he…”
“Ryan, it’s not your fault he went out again.” You inched closer to him, reaching over your body with your free hand to squeeze his knee. “They were traveling up until Virginia was a couple months pregnant, right?” He nodded. “I’m not surprised, then, that he felt like he needed to go. And he would have done the same even if you’d been here, Ry. You can’t blame yourself for what happened to him, because he was an adult and he made his choices. What would you have tried harder to do?”
“Get here. Stay here. Be here for them when they -”
“Ryan.” At the tone of your voice, he looked up, locking eyes with you. “You did what you could. No one expects anything more than that.” He opened his mouth to speak, but you cut him off again. “You were here when Ginny found out. She wasn’t alone. You were here for the funeral. You were here and you offered yourself to her if she needed you. She turned you down, and I don’t blame her, but you shouldn’t blame yourself, either. Getting here a week earlier wouldn’t have changed anything. Getting here a month earlier wouldn’t have changed anything, except you getting to see Cowboy before he left. He still would have gone, Ryan, and …” You took a breath. “You said they weren’t able to determine…” He winced and you stopped. “No one knows exactly what happened, so what if… what if you’d been with him, Ryan?” He lowered his head further. “She could have lost you both. But she didn’t. You’re here now when it matters the most, because Henry’s going to get to grow up with you, and even if you’re not living here, or you don’t see him much? Virginia wants you in his life - and hers.” There’s nothing else I can say. Nothing… he…
“Still feels like a mistake.” Ryan’s voice was tinged with regret, and he looked over at you again, honesty written on his face. “Like I… gave up on Ginny and Henry to … to make myself happy. I was so focused on Jackie and Lia and myself that I didn’t…” Ryan shook his head. “I hightailed it outta here right after the funeral and -”
“You were grieving, Ryan. Cowboy was your best friend and you went from thinking he was gonna come home to finding out he was gone in a few days. This isn’t your home, and no one expected you to stay.”
“Someone did.” He looked at you again, lips pressed together. “Someone tried to -”
“Ryan, Jackie wanted you to stay here because she was staying here. She didn’t care what that meant for you because she was so focused on her own life that she…” You trailed off, realizing that it was the first time you’d spoken the woman’s name out loud to Ryan in months. “You came back here because you thought it…” Is he having second thoughts? Does he want… “You wanted to see how it felt, Ryan. How it felt to be with her, how it felt to try something more permanent, how it felt to have a life with her, like Virginia and Cowboy did together.”
“No.” It was a single word, but you heard the effort it took for him to say it. “Ginny and Cowboy, they… they loved each other from the beginning. Always. Completely. I met ‘em when they were real young, but … I never thought that Jackie and I would have that, because she and I we… we were too different.” Then why’d you stay with her? Why’d you… “I never thought I’d fall in love, but I thought that Jackie was… would be… enough.” Your heart broke for Ryan; not because of what he was saying, but because you could hear in his tone that he’d believed it. “But it wasn’t, and when I figured that out, I felt like I’d done somethin’ wrong with that, too because she wasn’t enough, and I made her feel like maybe she could be.”
“Ryan, you…” You pulled your hand away from his leg, letting it fall back into your own lap. “I figured we’d have to talk about this while we were here, but I didn’t think that…” You looked down, eyes focused on the carpet beneath your feet. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You weren’t happy, and so you left. It would have been wrong to pretend - with any of them. Just like it’d be wrong if you were pretending with me.” You said it. “I don’t want to find out years down the road that you were just trying to make up for something by being with me, that you resent -”
“Stop.” He turned his body to face yours, reaching over to put a hand on your shoulder. “You know that’s not what this is, what… what it’s been.” Looking up slowly, you met his eyes as he said your name. “You heard those recordings, know how I feel about you.” Yeah, but… “What happened between Jackie and me and Ginny and Cowboy and me is somethin’ that I’m gonna have to deal with, and bein’ here - really bein’ here isn’t going to be easy, but it’s overdue.” Ryan paused, wetting his lips. “I feel guilty. I feel … upset. But you’re right. It doesn’t mean that doin’ things differently would have changed anything, and that’s what I have to keep…” He shook his head. “I never thought I’d have … that I’d get to meet someone that…” He brought the hand up from your shoulder to your chin, curling his fingers beneath it and rubbing his thumb slowly over your lips. “But I did.” You did.
Neither of you said anything for a few minutes, and though you had to look away from him, averting your gaze from his eyes, your heart rate didn’t slow. It seemed like every few months, you and Ryan had one of these conversations, and while you didn’t mind them, because it reaffirmed the feelings that both of you had for each other, you had to wonder if, at some point, they’d get to be too much - too often. This is normal, right? This is… “Ryan?” You looked back at him, nervously biting your lip. “Are you going to need to see…”
“No.” He shook his head, using the hand that had been on your face to push his hair back. “No, I said everything that I had to say when we talked on the phone.” You felt a surge of relief course through your body, because you could hear in his voice that he meant it. Alright. Good. I guess… “An’ I think that once I see Ginny, I won’t even feel… it’s just….” He shrugged. “So much time to think, it’s all I -”
“Alright, Ry.” You leaned in, taking a breath before you kissed his cheek, nodding your head. “I just wanted to make sure.” He turned his head, lips meeting yours, and even though it was a brief kiss, it reassured you.
“I ruined it, didn’t I?” He pulled his hand from yours and moved it to your side, the other one returning to your cheek. “Had every intention of gettin’ you here and makin’ sure that you -” You felt his lip curl, heard the intent behind his words. You didn’t ruin anything, Ryan. “Did you see our shower?” You shook your head, feeling Ryan’s grip on you tighten as you moved your hand back to his knee. “I did. I wanna see you in that shower.” Your fingers tightened on his leg, but you didn’t otherwise respond. “Maybe both of them, actually.” You sighed, feeling yourself smile as you raised your other hand to his hair, tugging on it, his lips moving lower on your face. “And the tub.” He kissed you again, teeth closing around your lip for a brief second. “And on the couch.”
“Ryan?” He hummed against your throat, fingers tangling in your hair. “Let’s start with the bed.” He nodded and you leaned back, feeling him push you down against the mattress.
“I can do that.”
---
Later that afternoon - after you and Ryan had cleaned yourselves up and eaten a small lunch, you lounged on the couch with your head in his lap while he called Ginny. “Hey, we’re here.” He was quiet for a few seconds, listening, and you smiled up at him. He sounded more relaxed, and while you knew that the conversation you’d had earlier had only been tabled and not forgotten, you knew that he’d been right - when he saw Ginny, saw that she didn’t blame him for his actions years earlier, he’d be much more comfortable in the city. Even though she’s here somewhere. Somewhere close. It had taken everything in you not to try and look up Jackie’s address with her new husband, figuring out where they lived so that you could book a place to stay as far from them as possible - but you’d refrained, telling yourself that if you were meant to run into her - or into them - while you were in the city, it’s what would happen. “Yeah, we’re actually stayin’ pretty close to you, I think. She looked up your address and -” Ryan laughed, looking down. “Lemme ask.” He pulled the phone away from his mouth. “Ginny wants to know if you want to have dinner tonight.”
‘Yes.” You nodded. “They want to come here, or go out, or…” Ryan moved the hand that had been resting against your chest, covering your mouth with it. Hey.
“You hear her, Gin?” He laughed. “Yeah. I’ll let her know.” Ryan raised an eyebrow. “There’s a place up the road that Henry likes, figures it’ll be better to…” You nodded immediately, understanding and Ryan moved his hand back to its previous location, fingers pressing down on the skin above the edge of your shirt. Neutral location. She doesn’t want to have us over until… “Six? Is it gonna be bu- alright. See you then, Ginny.” He hung up, glancing at the screen of his phone before he set it on the cushions next to you. “We got a couple hours, what do you want to do?” You pressed your lips together, thinking.
“We can just stay here, Ryan.” He frowned, but you continued. “It’s too late to go look at anything, and if we go downtown and then have to leave… Henry’s little, so we can always go out after…” You went to sit up, but Ryan stopped you, moving his hand a little lower, the tips of his fingers sliding under your collar and curling over your shoulder.
“You wanna go out?” You nodded, staring up at him.
“Yeah, we can leave the car here, take an Uber or something, have a few drinks.” You swallowed. “This doesn’t have to be a…”
“Alright.” He grinned. “Sounds good to me.”
---
You drove from the house to the restaurant, which was on the same street that you were staying on and parked the car, backing into a spot that gave you a good view of the front doors. Ryan had wanted to be there a few minutes early, and you knew that it was to calm his nerves, to be sure that you got there before Ginny and Henry. “Food sounds good here, Ryan.” You looked over at him, watching as his eyes focused on the doors. “Lots of different burgers and-”
“They’re here.” You followed his gaze, watching as an old pickup truck pulled past you, and then Ryan was reaching for you, pulling you close to him and kissing you hard. “It’s just Ginny, why am I so -”
“Because you love her, Ryan.” You said the words and watched as he took them in, nose wrinkling and teeth digging into his lower lip. “You love her and you haven’t seen her in years, and -”
“This is why I need you.” He sighed, kissing you again, but this time it was slow, a gentle press of his lips against yours. “You’re always right, an’ I -”
“Not always.” You sighed, looking past Ryan and watching as a dark haired woman led a small boy to the doors, his hand held tightly in hers. “Now let’s go see your friends, Ry.” He nodded, pulling away from you after giving your knee one more firm squeeze and then he got out of the car. Alright. Let’s go. You got out, too, locking it and dropping your keys into your purse as you moved to the front of the restaurant, Ryan’s hand waiting for yours to slip into it. The woman waited near the front doors, a small frown on her lips, but as soon as her eyes landed on Ryan, she smiled. The expression took years off of her face, and as you got closer, Ryan pulled his hand from yours, steps quickening as he reached the woman. He hugged her tightly, Virginia never letting go of Henry’s hand, though the boy was more interested in the cars passing by on the street than he was with what his mother was doing.
“Ryan!” You heard her voice in person for the first time, the excited tone of it muffled by his shoulder, and you took a step back as he wrapped both arms around her more tightly, a laugh escaping his lips. “You look great, like you haven’t -”
“Ginny, you look…” He stepped back, shaking his head and smiling down at the small woman. “It’s good to see you, really good, and Henry, he…” You looked down when Ryan did, seeing that the boy was now looking up at you and Ryan, scowling. “He still looks just like his-”
“Just like his daddy, yeah.” Ginny squeezed Ryan’s arm again before pulling gently on Henry’s hand, moving him closer to her. “That’s what everyone says.” Henry stood next to Virginia, and everyone went silent for a few seconds until Ginny addressed you, interest in her tone. “I’ve heard a lot about you.” You widened your eyes in surprise and she held her hand out to you. “I’m glad this one’s got someone to keep him in line.” You laughed and Ryan scoffed, Ginny’s hand falling from yours and back to her side. “We should go in, though, Henry’s hungry, and he’s gotta go to bed in a couple hours.” Nodding, you followed the woman and her son into the restaurant, Ryan’s hand resting against your back the entire time you waited in line to order. As you waited, Virginia reached down to pick Henry up, pointing out things on the menu to him.
“Do you want to go get a table, Ry?” You looked up at him, but Ryan shook his head.
“No, but you can.” He raised an eyebrow. “Tell me what you want and I’ll order.” You looked back at the menu and told him what you wanted, reaching for your purse but Ryan shook his head. “No, I got this.” Understanding immediately, you nodded, stepping away from Ryan and making your way to a booth, figuring it would be easier and more comfortable for Henry. Reminds me of a Shake Shack. You looked around the restaurant, eyes taking in the decor and the crowd. No, not quite, but… You’d been a lot of places in your travels, seen a lot of small towns that were trying to grow, trying to modernize, and Ogden was no different. Give it a chance. Smiling brightly as Ryan and Ginny made their way to the table, a drink holder in his hands, you scooted over, increasing the space next to you.
“Couple minutes, and the food should be out.” Ginny grinned at you, waving her hand. “This place is quick, and it’s good, and it’s…” Ginny smiled down at her son. “Cheap.” There was a pause and you leaned in, shrugging your shoulders.
“A good burger’s a good burger.” You smiled at her. “And if it’s cheap? That’s even better.” You felt Ryan’s hand on your knee, not squeezing but just resting there. “I -”
“She does what we did, Gin.” Ryan’s tone was light, but you could still hear the apprehension in it. “Likes to get to know the places an’ the people and -”
“Let her talk, Ryan.” Ginny sat up, eyes moving between the two of you. “I gotta decide.” Decide what? He asked your question out loud, and Ginny rolled her eyes. “Decide if I like her or not.” You watched her press her lips together, taking a breath. “I’m kidding, Ryan.” She shook her head. “I already like her, she’s keepin’ you safe.” You felt your heart thud at that - the first mention of the loss that they’d both experienced, and you tried not to flinch, but at the tightening of Ryan’s fingers through your jeans, you knew that you’d failed. I’m sorry, Ry, I couldn’t help it. Virginia said your name again, opening her mouth to say more when a young girl approached your table, two full trays of food in her hands.
Once things had been passed out - burgers for all three adults and a turkey sandwich for Henry, along with buckets of fries and onion rings to share between you - you started talking again, conversation flowing easily between you and Ginny, Ryan adding things in every now and then. You watched as he ate, his attention shifting between Ginny and Henry, focusing on the boy more and more as time passed, but Ryan never missed a beat. You liked Ginny, could tell that she was a devoted mother, trying to get Henry to say a few things too, including him in the conversation, and you knew instinctively that when she’d found out she was pregnant, her entire life had shifted. She was done right away, being a mom was… You glanced over at Ryan, watching as he laughed, telling Ginny about something that had happened in St. Louis, and wondered what he would have done if he’d ever gotten someone pregnant, if he’d …Stop. Shaking your head, you realized that Ryan was saying your name, his arm around your shoulders. “I’m sorry, I was just…”
“Thinkin’ about somethin’?” You nodded, meeting Ryan’s eyes. “It’s been a long day, and you did a lot of drivin’.”
“Yeah, but…” You shook your head. “That’s not -”
“It’s fine.” Ginny leaned over the table, reaching out with one hand to squeeze yours while looking at Henry, who was coloring on one of the place mats with a green crayon. “We’ve gotta get going anyway, it’s almost time for bed, and he needs a bath.” She rolled her eyes. “I have to drop him off at my mom’s before I go to work, and -”
“They still in the same house, Ginny?” Ryan spoke up and she nodded. “What about -” She nodded, cutting him off.
“Everyone else is still exactly where they were the last time you were here, Ryan.” You took a deep breath. Does she mean? “Not much has changed, except we’ve all gotten a little older.” Ginny laughed. “I work all day tomorrow, and then have an early shift the day after, so I don't know if we can…” She looked between the two of you. “I’m off the day after that, though, we can do somethin’ then, if you want.” Ryan nodded. “I just…” Ginny leaned in, voice going low. “I wanted him to really meet you, Ryan, before … before I invite you over and let you spend time with him, I just …”
“I get it.” He nodded. “We’re here until next Thursday, so we have plenty of time, and…” Ryan looked over at Henry again before lowering his head. “He looks so much like ‘im, Ginny.” You squeezed Ryan’s hand, feeling the spread of his fingers beneath yours, giving you a chance to hold them more tightly. “It’ll be nice to sit down and just…”
“Yeah, it will.” You knew that the conversation would be hard, but could also tell that Ryan was feeling more comfortable with the whole thing. See? Seeing them was what you needed, Ryan, it was … all you needed. “Thank you for dinner, Ryan. You didn’t have to -”
“I did, though.” Ryan grinned, sitting back up and leaning against the back of the booth. “You guys took carea me all those years, least I can do is buy you a burger.” You felt the mood shift again, Ginny laughing, and a few minutes later as the four of you exited the restaurant, you paused in the parking lot, Henry’s head sleepily leaning against his mother’s shoulder. “Give me a call, Ginny. Let me know when you want to see me again, and I’ll stop by.” She nodded, and Ryan quickly walked over to the truck, pulling the back door open and stepping away to let Ginny put Henry into his car seat, buckling him in before she closed the door.
“It was nice to meet you, Ginny.” You called out the goodbye, still standing by the driver’s side door of your car. “I’m sure I’ll see you soon.” She raised a hand to you, and then turned back to Ryan, stepping closer. Give them a minute. You unlocked your car, sliding into the seat and started it, wanting it to be warm when Ryan got in. That was… You shook your head, flipping through the radio and settling on an old rock station, leaning back in your seat and closing your eyes. She’s nice. You hadn’t even realized that you’d fallen asleep until you felt Ryan’s fingers moving over your cheek a while later. “Oh, shit, Ry, I didn’t -”
“You want me to drive?” He leaned in, rubbing his nose against your cheek, and you yawned, shaking your head back and forth. “You were sleepin’, I -”
“It’s just a couple blocks, Ryan, I can…” You sat straight up, blinking. “How long were you out there?” He laughed, leaning back against his seat.
“Only about ten minutes. You must be exhausted.” I guess I am. Rubbing your eyes, you turned your head to look at him, laughing quietly.
“It’s not even 9, Ryan, I…” I’m getting old. “Let’s go back, we can figure out where…”
“We’re not goin’ out tonight.” He spoke quietly and your eyes moved over to him as you pulled out of the parking spot, turning out of the lot and back onto Monroe. Why? “We’ve got all week, and there’s nothin’ wrong with going back to the house and getting to bed early.”
“Whatever you say, Brenner.” It only took a few minutes and then your car was parked safely in the garage of your rental - and you were wrapped in Ryan’s arms in the master bedroom. “We’ll wake up early tomorrow, Ryan, and…” But you were already nodding off again, Ryan’s bearded chin pressed against your forehead. You woke up a few hours later, and though the bed next to you was empty, you could hear the sounds of Ryan playing guitar from downstairs. Should I go down? Rolling onto your back, you stared up at the ceiling, straining your ears to hear what he was playing. I can’t tell, I… You rubbed your eyes and sat up, making your decision.
The stairs didn’t squeak, but you still paused at the bottom of them, listening. He was playing something original - or, if it wasn’t, you didn’t recognize the song - picking through the notes and humming under his breath. He’s inspired here, we haven’t even been… “You gonna come over here, or just stand there and snoop?” Shit. You moved across the floor and down the short hallway, curling up in the center of the couch. “I didn’t wake you up, did I?”
“No, I just … rolled over and you weren’t there, and I heard you, so…”
“Felt like I had to play.” He glanced over at you, fingers still picking out notes. “Seein’ Ginny, talking about Cowboy, even a little, it…” I get it. “Bein’ back here, it’s…” I don’t know if I want to hear this.
“Hey.” You pulled the blanket off the back of the couch, covering yourself. “Keep playing, Ryan.” The look on his face grateful, Ryan smiled and turned his attention back to the instrument in his hands - your father’s guitar. He’s in Utah and he’s not playing his… Eyes on Ryan, you watched him play for a while, feeling yourself growing tired again as his words and the strumming - now much quieter - lulled you back to sleep.
---
Ryan’s POV
He woke before you the following morning, stretching in the large bed and turning his head to face you as the pale sunlight filtered in. We’re in Utah. He hadn’t been back for nearly three years, but knowing that the mountains were just outside the windows, that the sleepy little town of Ogden was waiting for him to explore it, Ryan felt excitement. Not because she’s here, but because you are, he thought as he stared at you, your hair spread out over the pillow. Gonna show you the best parts of this place. He finally rolled away from you, reaching for his phone, and was surprised to see that it was barely eight, meaning he’d only gotten five and a half hours of sleep. Get up, go shower. He took a breath and rolled again toward the edge of the bed, but before he could swing his legs over the side, he felt your hand pressed against his spine. “Where you goin’, Ry?”
You mumbled the words and he froze, pausing long enough for you to remove your hand before he turned to face you again. “Gonna get up, it’s -” Your eyes were still closed, but he watched as you cracked one open, face still pressed against the pillow. “Why?”
“What time is it?” You cleared your throat as he told you, groaning. “We’re on vacation. Stay in bed.” Yawning, you hummed as you let your breath out. “I’m not getting up yet.” Of course you aren’t. He watched you for a few seconds before making his decision, moving across the mattress and pulling you into his arms and against his chest. How can I say no? Ryan felt your lips press against his skin as you rested your hand against his ribs, and he relaxed back into the sheets, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. She’s right, it’s a vacation. Your breath evened out as you drifted back off, and Ryan wasn’t far behind you, his arms tightening around your body.
---
Both of you finally woke up around ten and after showering - separately - and eating a late breakfast, you decided that you’d spend the day exploring the city. He’d been running through a list of places that he enjoyed, wanting to be sure that you saw them, but when Ryan tried to list things out for you, you tossed your head back, laughing. What? “Ryan, what happened to spontaneity?” You were sitting on the bench at the dining room table, one foot raised to the surface of the wood, both arms wrapped around your bent knee. “I know you have a lot you want me to see, but…” Cocking your head to the side, you smiled at him. “Won’t it be better if we just kind of… get there?” At his silence, you widened your eyes, sitting up straight. “I mean, we can…”
“No, you’re right.” Ryan moved across the room, sitting down on the bench with you. “I just want to be sure you see…” What do I want her to see? “Want you to understand why being here was important to me, even if… I couldn’t stay here.” He watched as you frowned at him, thinking through all of the possible places for you to go. “Why don’t we start with the Station?” Ryan reached up, running his fingers through his hair. “There’s a couple museums in there, some galleries… and then when we’re done, we can just walk down 25th… that’s the main street here.” You watched Ryan with curiosity, and he continued. “Restaurants and more stores… you can see the mountains… it’s…”
“Sounds good, Ryan.” You stood, turning to look down at him. “We should go, that way we’ll be downtown when the sun sets.” He stood too, reaching out and closing his fingers around your wrist as you began to walk toward the door. “W-”
“C’mere.” Ryan tugged on you, waiting until you were facing him to speak again. “I’m glad you’re here with me.” You licked your lips, staying quiet. “You gotta understand that I…”
“I get it.” Your voice was quiet, but Ryan heard a hint of sadness in it. “This isn’t easy for you. This is the last place you thought about… staying.” Is that it? “But I want to see it, see how you see it, because…” You frowned, but before Ryan could speak, you continued. “It’s personal to you, the same way it was when I showed you Philadelphia, and the same way it would be if we ever go back to -”
“No.” He shook his head, feeling his body tense. “It’s completely different from Vegas.” His free hand found its way to your hip, his head still moving from side to side. “That was the beginning of something, this place, Ogden… it’s nothing like that. Not even close.” He paused, closing his eyes and for a moment picturing Jackie’s face, the way she’d looked at him as she watched him play with Georgie the first time. No. “I learned somethin’ here, but it wasn’t…” Ryan leaned in, pressing his lips to yours and feeling your immediate response. “Wasn’t as important.” You laughed quietly but nodded, whispering his name before he kissed you again, this time letting his lips linger, fingers tightening around your wrist. “Let’s go see some trains, yeah?”
---
A few hours later, you and Ryan were in the second gallery, holding his hand as your arms hung between your bodies. You’d made your way through the indoor portions of the museum, excitedly reading the information and listening as Ryan showed you around, and he was happy to see that you seemed to be enjoying yourself. Why wouldn’t she? This is what she does. Being back in the building brought back a lot of memories; things he hadn’t thought about for years. He’d remembered watching Lia and Jackie sing together, the way that he’d seen for the first time what the woman was capable of when she stopped thinking and let herself act on instinct, the way seeing that had led to the first time he’d seen her at her realest - terrified at the thought of losing her daughter on the sidewalk in front of the building, Ryan doing what he could to reassure her that Lia wasn’t going anywhere. I can’t be thinking of this, it isn’t fair it… You were right there next to him, fingers linked together as you browsed, wandering through the galleries and the other portions of the interior of the large space, and he was having a difficult time keeping himself in the present. But I can’t let it… He thought back to the conversations he and Jackie had after that night, the way things had shifted, becoming somehow more and less comfortable between them in the same moments, the way that his mind had screamed “go” as soon as he’d found out about Cowboy, even though everything he knew should have convinced him otherwise. As the two of you made it through the second gallery, you murmuring about the art and leaning in to inspect the pieces more closely, Ryan closed his eyes, swallowing as he remembered the feeling in his chest as he’d hurried back to Utah, back to her, back to... Stop. None of that matters, not anymore. “Ryan?”
He opened both eyes and turned to look down at you, noticing that you were watching him intently. “Yeah?” He tightened his hold on your hand, not knowing what else to say, and in a split second, he saw the look in your eyes change. Shit. “You -”
“You’re thinking about…” You pulled your hand back and Ryan let you do it, knowing better than to hold on more tightly. “I…” He watched you swallow, struggling for words. “How long… all day?” He hesitated for only a second and then nodded, feeling shame course through his body. Why am I doing this to myself? To her? “Ryan, I…” You took a step back, and he saw you curl your fingers into your palm, teeth digging into your lower lip. “I shouldn’t have come here with you, not to Utah, not to -” He stepped closer again, eyes going wide and his hand shot out, fingers closing around your knuckles.
“No, don’t say that.” He heard something in his voice that he was unfamiliar with, but Ryan felt his heart pounding in his chest. “Look.” You froze as he touched you, but didn’t pull away. “I never said that bein’ here wasn’t going to be strange for me. I haven’t been in Ogden in years, and the last time I was here, it was…” Ryan wet his lips. “I had a lot goin’ through my head, and I’m thinkin’ that I didn’t… I didn’t deal with all that as well as I thought I did.” He let out a deep sigh, stepping closer to you and reached up with his free hand, his fingers tracing over your temple and down your cheek. “I’m not thinkin’ about it, about her because that’s what I want, I’m… thinkin’ about everything because I can’t help it.” Please understand. “I’m here with you because I wanna be. There’s no one else I want to be walking through here with, or seein’ the ponies on 25th with later or headin’ back to the house with tonight.” You were watching him with a careful expression in your eyes, but he continued anyway, hand dropping to your shoulder. “I want you here with me. In Utah, in here, everywhere.”
“Did you come here with her?” He heard the sadness in your voice, though you tried to disguise it. “Walk through -”
“No.” He shook his head. “Well, we came here together a couplea times, but it was never to see the exhibits, it was for events.” You watched him, waiting. “I’m not doin’ the same things with you that I did with her. I would never. You deserve more than that, but this is a small town, and so a lot of places are…” Ruined? Full of memories? “Reminders of the time I spent here.” Ryan watched you close your eyes before looking down, hair falling over your face as you moved. “Look, I’d never lie to you about this. You asked, and I’m tellin’ you the truth, because -”
“I know, Ry.” You raised your head and he saw that your eyes were shining, lips firmly set. “But it doesn’t -” He surprised both of you by pulling you closer, wrapping both arms around you and tilting his head down to kiss the top of your head. I hope she can feel how fast my heart is beating, how this is botherin’ me. It took a second, but you wound an arm around him, fingers hard against the skin of his back.
“I’m in love with you, you know that.” His words quiet, Ryan rocked slowly from side to side before straightening up, saying your name. “I can’t help -”
“Love you too, Ryan.” You reached up with one hand, swiping beneath your eyes. “It’s just hard because I know that you… cared, and it’s like I shouldn’t be here because it’s-” Ryan cut you off with a firm shake of his head. “What?”
“She lives here, she doesn’t own this place. You have as much a right to be here as she does, and… and I’m sorry that I ruined the day, because I was lookin’ forward to -”
“Didn’t ruin anything, Ryan.” You sniffed, drawing your lower lip into your mouth. “I’m just being stupid, I -” Stupid? No way. “I know that you… fuck.” He watched as a tear slipped from one eye, dripping slowly down your cheek. He wanted nothing more than to kiss you, but didn’t, instead drawing you closer again and just holding you. Nothing I say is going to help. “Hey.” You pulled away from him, gesturing toward the exit. “I think I’m done in here, can we…” He was moving before you’d finished, leading you toward the door, and within 30 seconds, the two of you were outside, the chilly air feeling slightly warmer in the bright sunlight.
“Hey, stop.” Ryan planted his feet, crossing his arms over his chest and saying your name again. “You’re gonna tell me not to apologize, so I won’t.” He watched as you raised an eyebrow. “But I want you to know that I wasn’t… it wasn’t this whole time, I… I was…” He looked past you, wrinkling his nose. “I got caught up in…” It’s been years and Jackie’s still ruinin’ everything. “It won’t happen again. Not in Ogden, not -”
“You can’t promise me that.” You shrugged, fingers moving through your hair. “I know you’ll try, but we can’t help what we think about or when.” You glanced upward and then back at him. “I don’t like being jealous, Ryan. Not of a memory, not of someone right in front of me, not even… it’s not fun.” No, it’s not. “But I can’t help it, because I don’t like thinking of you with-”
“Then don’t.” He reached out, taking your hand, and was grateful that you let him. “I sure as hell don’t wanna think about you with some other guy, so I get it.” You laughed at that, even as the two of you moved toward where the train cars were parked, a few people passing by as you walked. “Never been over here before, it’s always been closed, but I’ve wanted to…” He paused. “Go inside the engine, see-”
“See what you were riding around on all those years?” You elbowed him, a slightly more neutral tone in your voice. “You saw the open sky from the boxcars, Ry, but never the…” She gets it. “Let’s go, what are you waiting for?” He stopped on the sidewalk, angling his body toward yours. “Ryan?”
“Are we alright?” He didn’t even want to ask, but knew that he had to. “I need to know before we keep…”
“Yes.” You said the word with conviction, stepping close and pressing your hand against his chest. “I just got upset for a second, but I’ll be fine. I’m not going to let it… ruin this, ruin our..” Your fingers bent slightly, digging into his skin. “We’ve still got a few hours before the streetlights come on, Brenner. Let’s get you back on a train.” In disbelief, Ryan watched you, breath caught in his throat. Is she really alright? Is this… But you caught him off guard again by rising onto your toes to kiss him, lips warm as they met his. Ryan lifted a hand to the back of your head, tilting his to the side, but didn’t press his luck and pulled back after a few seconds. “W-”
“Gotta keep my hands offa you in public.” He grinned, knowing that things still weren’t perfect, but wanting to keep the mood light. “But when we get back to the house tonight?” It was his turn to raise an eyebrow. “No promises, if you’ll…” You winked, the excitement in your eyes something he was thrilled to see. “Good.” Ryan rolled his neck without looking away from you. “C’mon, let’s get on that train.”
---
Your POV
After the tense few minutes in the museum and the parking lot, things relaxed between you and Ryan, but you were still less excited than you had been when you woke up, and you were apprehensive about what was to come. I knew something was wrong. I knew he… You’d felt the distance growing as you made your way through the museums, which had been filled with things that you’d enjoyed looking at and learning about, but when it had become apparent that he was barely listening to you, you’d called Ryan out - not wanting to be right. But I was. Jackie’s presence loomed over you, and even though you believed him when he said he wanted to be there, that he was in love with you, that being back in Ogden was just hitting him harder than he thought it would, you knew that you and Ryan would have to work hard to recover the day… if it was at all possible. It is. It has to be.
Ryan talked about the trains as you made your way past the row of them, pointing out the differences, and you realized that not only had he spent a great deal of time on them, but that he’d also learned about the vehicles, wanting to better understand his primary mode of transportation. “You wanna come in with me?” The two of you stopped next to the engine that you’d be able to enter, but rather than giving him an answer, you stepped back, reaching for your phone. “What are you -”
“It’s a good shot, Ryan. You and the…” You gestured. “The colors, and the mountains…” He looked surprised but didn’t argue with you, and even though you didn’t have your main camera, you took a few shots with your phone, giving him directions but overall just letting him stand how he wanted to, knowing that it was better that way. “Got it, Ry.” You put your phone back into your pocket, stepping over to where Ryan still stood, his hands in his pockets and a thoughtful look on his face. “What?”
“You still wanted to…” He looked down, shrugging. “Nothin’. Don’t worry about it.” Ryan leaned over, putting his arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer for a few seconds. “Let’s go in and see it, and then we can head up 25th and stop for somethin’ to eat.” Slightly confused at his refusal to answer your question, the two of you stepped up into the engine, making your way through the cabin. It didn’t take long, but you saw Ryan’s eyes light up as he stepped down the narrow aisle toward the cab, taking a seat in the engineer’s chair, long fingers wrapping around the gear knob as you stood behind him, watching. His fingers moved over everything, trailing over the buttons and knobs, and you pulled your phone out again, snapping pictures. This is him. This is …
By the time you made it down the hall and through the sleeping quarters, stepping onto the small ledge that would have been between the engine and the first car, Ryan was fully back with you, holding your hand tightly and pulling you into the conversation, doing his best to answer questions for you. You didn’t know exactly what he was talking about, but the tone of his voice made you happy, and you could tell that he was happy, too. “How close did you… stay to the engines, Ryan?” Your eyes moved over his form, the mountains behind him, the way he was leaning against the metal exterior of the train. “Not too close, right? Or they wou-”
“It depended on what kinda train it was. The boxcars were no big deal, I could pull myself into one pretty much anywhere, because they couldn’t see me in ‘em, but the open cars, the gondolas?” He shook his head. “Had to pick those a little more careful, because if I jumped into one an’ it wasn’t completely empty? It’s easier to be seen, so I picked those when I was only goin’ a short trip, or when it was warm enough that I could sleep outside an’ watch the sky.” He had a faraway look in his eyes for a minute, but then he looked back at you and they focused. “I miss it, sometimes, but not because I miss the travelin’, I just miss… it was open, you know?” You did, and so you nodded, thinking about the nights you’d slept on beach chairs, the fields you’d sat in long after dark just to hear the sounds of nature around you.
“I get it, Ryan.” Swallowing, you let your eyes scan the horizon again, focusing in on the tops of the mountains in the distance, still over his right shoulder. “Freedom, things being unpredictable, the -”
He stopped your words by kissing you again, surging forward and threading his fingers through your hair, palm pressed against your cheek. It surprised you but you didn’t stop him, instead raising your hands to close them around the material of his jacket, pulling him close to you. He didn’t hold himself back, his other arm going around your waist as he coaxed your lips apart with his tongue, and you sighed quietly. How can I doubt anything with him? Ryan finally pulled back, his eyes warm in the afternoon sunlight, and didn’t speak, instead watching you and waiting. What? You felt your lips quirking up into a smile at his stare, and after long seconds, Ryan leaned in again, lowering his lips to your ear. “I’m right here with you, I promise.” I know you are, Ryan, I just… He kissed the side of your face, running his nose along your cheek and then backed off, taking a breath. “You ready to see 25th?”
“Yeah.” You lowered your hands, taking one of his again and squeezed. “Think I am.”
---
By the time it was getting dark, you’d made your way up 25th street and to the amphitheater, walking through the open space - most of it still snow-covered aside from the paths, Ryan’s arm around your shoulders. After stopping for pizza at a tiny shop on the corner of Lincoln, you weren’t hungry, and were finally starting to relax again, welcoming Ryan’s company and the stories he told you about the restaurants on the street, the shops that lined it. It was hard for you to believe that he’d only spent a few months in the city, but you realized that he’d been trying to learn about the place he’d considered settling, and it startled you. He really tried. He really thought… But the closer you listened, walking with him, you heard in his voice that he was talking about each location with a detached tone of voice. He knew the places but had no connection to them, could tell you what they were like, but didn’t have many important memories. He didn’t talk about Ogden the way that he spoke about Chicago or Seattle or even Charleston - and you knew without a doubt that Ryan hadn’t ever felt a real connection to the city, no matter what he’d tried to do. But the pizza was good.
“So there’s a brewery,” Ryan said, leaning over to talk into your ear again, the sounds of the increasing number of cars making it a little more difficult to hear. “Called Rooster’s, it’s on the other side of the street.” He cleared his throat. “I worked there a couple weeks when I was livin’ here, and they’ve got good food, beer’s better than average.”
“We should go.” You nodded, eyes moving to your left and finding the illuminated sign. “Looks like my kind of place.” He laughed from next to you, and you glanced up in time to see him nod his head. “We’ll Uber, that way we can both drink, and not worry about getting back to the house.”
“Definitely.” He raised his arm to point out another of the colorful horses, this one illuminated by a small light mounted to the base, though you didn’t stop to look closely. They were scattered on the sidewalks, and Ryan told you that they were set up each year to go along with the largest Rodeo event in the area, and you’d taken pictures with some of them, Ryan even posting one on his Instagram page of him with a golden horse, reared up on its hind legs. The project was interesting to you, and you knew that you’d be bringing your camera with you the next time you came downtown, documenting things with the powerful lens. I can still enjoy Ogden, even… it’s great for pictures.
Ryan took your hand as you walked back down the well-lit street toward Union Station and the car, still talking and pointing out the places where he’d played, the spots where he’d had the best luck. Stopped and waiting for a light to change so that you could cross back over Lincoln, Ryan was gesturing down the street to a tattoo shop that he’d said he contemplated getting a tattoo done at when he trailed off in the middle of a sentence. “Ryan?” You frowned as you looked up at him, seeing his eyes focused ahead of you. “What’s…”
“Nothing, I just…” He shook his head, looking down. “Thought I saw…” He chewed on his lip, taking a deep breath. “Just seein’ things, it’s no big deal.” The light changed and you started walking again, Ryan’s steps slowing slightly as you passed an Italian restaurant called Rovali’s, the bright lights from inside spilling out onto the sidewalk. You slowed too, eyes scanning the windows, and though you felt him stiffen next to you, you didn’t need him to explain why. Oh, shit. Jackie was seated at the window table, a young blonde girl next to her and a handsome - though nondescript man across from her, wide smile on his face. She’s right there. She… Seeing the woman for the first time, even though glass, was a shock to you, because though you knew what she looked like, you were unprepared for the wide smile on her face as she spoke to her husband and then the server, the way you heard Ryan inhale from next to you as he watched the three of them.
He squeezed your hand more tightly but you were frozen, heart pounding in your chest as you watched the woman through the glass, and then, just as you were steeling yourself to start walking again, her gaze moved to the window, landing on your face for a moment - and then, as if she recognized you, immediately sliding to your right, where Ryan was standing. Move. Walk. Don’t stand here. You took a step forward, though you were unable to look away as she stared at Ryan through the window, her eyebrows shooting up, lips freezing in a smile, but it wasn’t until he’d started moving too that you felt yourself breathe again. Just get back to the car, get back to the house, get… Ryan didn’t speak as you moved, the people you passed on the sidewalk allowing you space, and even though you didn’t let go of Ryan’s hand, you relaxed your grip on it, knowing that he felt the change. She’s right there, what are the odds? What if she comes out, what if… It was less than a block back to the parking lot, and when you reached the crosswalk at Wall Avenue, you glanced from side to side before walking through the red light and across the street, not pausing the way that you should have.
“Hey.” He spoke loudly, following as closely behind you as he could, hurrying you across the street and past the fountain, which was illuminated in the darkness. Ryan said your name as you reached the curb and you finally stopped, turning to face him and pulling your hand away from his. “Don’t do this.” He shook his head back and forth and you saw his eyes darken as he stepped toward you. “I didn’t -”
“I know you didn’t, Ryan.” You reached up, rubbing at your face. “But that’s my luck. That we’d… that she’d…” You were suddenly tired, the good feeling that had slowly returned throughout the previous few hours gone, and wanted nothing more than to be back at the house. Maybe I’ll have a beer and sit in the hot tub, maybe I’ll… “I want to go home, Ryan.” You shrugged, reaching into your purse for the keys to your car. “I’m just… done with today.” You swallowed, looking over his shoulder and half expecting to see the woman making her way down the sidewalk to where you stood. “I need -”
“Can I drive?” He was watching you, speaking cautiously. “I know it’s your car and all, but I don’t … you’re upset, and…” You handed the keys over to him without speaking, fingertips brushing his palm, but neither of you said anything else as you headed back to your parking spot, Ryan clicking the car unlocked as you reached it. What did he see in her? You stared out the window as he drove, the interior of the vehicle silent except for the low sound of the radio. Did this… are we… Ryan kept both hands on the wheel, his eyes focused on the road, and you were reminded of the apprehension you’d felt on the way home from finding him in Philadelphia, like there was more unsaid between the two of you than you could ever hope to say out loud. But this time, it’s about…You took a long breath, staring out the window at the houses you were passing, but couldn’t bring yourself to look at Ryan. He… they... She was… “You want me to park in the garage, or…?”
“Driveway’s fine.” You were unbuckling the seat belt before he’d removed the keys from the ignition, and you heard the wavering of your voice. Shit. “Thanks for driving, Ryan.” You sat in total silence for a few seconds and when you finally brought your gaze up to his face, you saw that Ryan was watching you with a worried look in his eyes. “I need a ... “ You stopped, thinking. What do I need? “I need some time, Ryan, that was … I wasn’t... “ You pushed your door open, getting out and then leaning back into the car, sighing. “Just give me a …”
“Whatever you need, I don’t want to…” He shook his head, leaning toward you in the darkness. “Just don’t leave, yeah?” I wouldn’t. I… I couldn’t. Promising him that you wouldn’t go further than the back yard, you used the code to unlock the gate, removing the cover of the hot tub and turning it - along with the overhead lights of the covered patio on before heading into the house through the garage. Ryan was sitting on the couch as you walked by, holding your guitar in his hands, but he didn’t speak as you went up the stairs and into the bedroom. By the time you were changed and wrapped in one of the large towels, he was playing and singing - loudly - voice echoing in the open room. He sounded sad, singing strained as he made his way through one of his original songs, but you didn’t stop, walking out the sliding glass door and into the backyard, bare feet moving quickly over the cold cement. Tossing the towel onto one of the chairs, you climbed into the steaming, bubbling water, sinking in to your neck and closing your eyes, trying to clear your mind. None of it matters. Don’t let it…
But even over the rumbling of the bubbles coming out of the vent next to you, and despite the closed door, you could hear the loud twang of Ryan’s guitar strings as the tears started rolling down your cheeks.
---
General:
@the-blind-assassin-12 @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @obscurilicious @sweetybuzz25 @suchatinyinfinity @lexxierave @gollyderek @poindexted @ificouldhelpyouforget @elanor-of-imladris @thesandbeneathmytoes @luminex3 @geeksareunique @weallhaveadestiny @mfackenthal @thesumofmychoices @yannii04 @beautiful-thinking @drinix @agentlingerie @blah-blah-fuckit-shit @dreams-with-thoughts @wangmangagavroche @traeumerinwitzhelden @jigsawlover10 @malionnes @addictedtofictionalcharacters @riddlefeeligns
Ryan Brenner:
@nananananananananananabatman @benbarnestongue @thisisparadisemylove @chibiyanai @sweetgoodangel
Uncategorized:
@banditthewriter @padfootagain @madamrogers @ethereal-heavcns @editboutique @marauderskeeper @ilkaeliseb @delicatelilyflower @king4thesirens @ymariejp @mr-robot-x @rageshots @introvertedlibrary @writing-for-a-chance @yesixoxo @ilikebeachessushiandsmallanimals @likeorions @swiftyhowlz @dylanobrusso @malik-payne @lynne1993 @ladyblablabla @dreamwritesimagines @audreychaz @tc-elliot @kind-wolf-blog @honeyydippaa @binbonsadoration @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @ms-delos @jeanettexkillian @avengerswhore @elioelioeli0 @projectcampbell @giggleberts
#ryan brenner#ryan brenner imagine#ryan brenner fic#ryan brenner story#ryan brenner x reader#ryan brenner x reader imagine#ryan brenner x reader fic#ryan brenner x reader story#ryan brenner x you#ryan brenner x you imagine#ryan brenner x you fic#ryan brenner x you story#neon lights#post jackie and ryan#jackie and ryan#jackie and ryan au#ryan brenner au#jackie and ryan fic#just a place#just a place masterlist#ben barnes character#ben barnes character imagine#ben barnes ryan brenner#jackie laurel is the worst human being alive#well one of them
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love is blind [TRR gang]
Who’s been watching Love is Blind on Netflix? Who’s become obsessed?
I hate reality TV but this show really pulled me in. So, I was inspired to write a short fic that is inspired by the show.
The premise: In this experiment, people are on the show to meet their future wife/husband. The thing is, they will never actually see each other until after they get engaged. They spend a few days talking in these pods that are separated by a wall. In one pod is the guy, in the opposite pod is the woman. They talk over speakers and fall in love based on emotional connection.
It’s fucking batshit.
I fancied writing this short thing. It’s not even finished, I don’t know if I’ll update this because tbh I’m so busy this weekend and then I’ll be away, but I just wanted to get this down.
Sorry for the recent spamming of fics. I’m now unemployed.
@loveellamae @emichelle @moonlightgem7 @ibldw-main @burnsoslow @mskaneko @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @pug-bitch @katedrakeohd @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @jovialyouthmusic
****************************************************
DAY 1 OF EXPERIMENT
Question: why the contestant is taking part in this blind love experiment. Are they romantic?
*************************
Leo eyes the camera and chuckles to himself. ‘Me? Romantic?’ he asks. ‘Hell no. But hey, I like an adventure and this is definitely the craziest thing I’ve ever done in my life. And I gotta tell you.. I’ve done some crazy shit in my time.’
********************************
Liam grins happily and nods. ‘I am what you would call a hopeless romantic,’ he answers. ‘I love romance and big grand gestures. If this works, how amazing a story would this be to tell my grandchildren? Your grandmother and I got engaged before we even saw each other. What a story!’
*******************************
Maxwell enters the room and gives a twirl before settling down on the chair. He gives the camera a wave. ‘Am I romantic?’ he muses. ‘Definitely. I’m taking part in this because I want to meet someone who likes me for me. Loads of girls I know are quick to write me off as being a bit weird. They don’t make an effort to get to know me. So I’d like to find a girl who sees me, like really sees me, you know? That would make me so happy.’
*******************************
Drake enters the room and instantly locates the decanter of whiskey. He pours himself a glass and takes a long swig before sitting down to speak to the camera. ‘Why am I taking part?’ he asks. ‘I lost a bet.’
He is asked if he is romantic. He shakes his head. ‘I’m too cynical for that romantic crap. I’m genuinely wondering who all these people are who have willingly signed up for this. Why would you do this? Why would you agree to marry someone before ever setting eyes on them? Is love blind? No. This isn’t a fairytale. This is real life.’ He sips his whiskey again. ‘Gotta say though.. If I meet the girl of my dreams, and that’s a big if, then I’ll give up whiskey for life.’
*******************************
Bertrand clears his throat and arranges his suit jacket delicately, feeling self conscious about being on camera. ‘I’m taking part in this because my brother, Maxwell, is,’ he admits. ‘I want to look out for him here. If I happen to meet a beautiful lady who loves classical music, the opera and literature, then that is a bonus. But we’ll see.’ He smiles now, looking down at his feet. ‘I’m a romantic deep down. I’m yet to show my true colours.’
******************************
Olivia struts into the room and sits on the chair, crossing her legs with her back ramrod straight. She rolls her eyes. ‘I’m not romantic, no,’ she says dryly. ‘I don’t believe in love at first sight, never mind that love is blind.’
She is asked why she is taking part. She smirks. ‘I want to blow this experiment apart,’ she says. ‘It’s bullshit.’
Olivia stands up now and helps herself to a glass of champagne. She toasts the camera. ‘Cheers bitches.’
*********************************
Camille enters the room and sits down, giving the camera a warm smile. ‘I’m a real romantic, yeah. I really like talking about feelings, it annoys my friends so much but honestly, I love this idea! I love the fact that this is stripped back, down to the bare bones, focusing just on communication. I love the idea of getting to know someone for who they are deep down with no judgement. I’m excited.’
Does she think she’ll meet the one? Camille laughs. ‘I have no idea. Probably not. But I’m open to meeting him if he’s here.’
************************************
Hana sits down and tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear. ‘I’m taking part because I never do crazy things like this,’ she says quietly. ‘I’m always really careful, really reserved. I also feel like nobody knows the real Hana Lee; nobody bothers to in the real world. So this is my chance. I want someone to see me for me. Am I romantic? Yes. Love is the best thing in the world.’
***********************************
Kiara enters the room and looks around, whispering in French. She sits down and nods at the camera. ‘I’m taking part because I would like to meet a man who knows what he wants in life,’ she says. ‘I’ve got ambitions and I’m yet to meet someone who can be at my level. I want to meet someone intelligent and kind. Am I romantic? Not really. But I’m realistic in who I will and won’t date.’
**********************************
Penelope enters the room and waves at the camera. ‘I joined this experiment because for so long, it’s just been me and my dogs,’ she says. ‘I want to meet someone who takes me seriously, who actually wants to spend time with me. I’m a really nice person and it hurts sometimes when guys treat me badly. Maybe I just make bad decisions? I’m hoping that being separated by a wall means that the guys I talk to won’t judge me quickly; they’ll take the time to get to know me.’
***********************************
Aurelia enters the room. ‘Alriiiight, alcohol!’ she cheers, making her way over to the drinks trolley to pour herself some wine. She then catches herself. ‘Shit, am I allowed to do this?’
She sits down and smiles at the camera. ‘I’m taking part in this experiment because I’m really curious to see if this works. I’d love it if it did, how wild would that be?! A story to tell the grandkids, right? I guess, also, in the age of tinder, I’m sick of the dating scene. It’s so harsh, it’s like the fucking Hunger Games. Let’s see if this works. I’m excited.’
********************************
Drake settled down on the plush sofa in the pod and sipped his glass of whiskey. This was his first ‘date’ of the show. He had no idea what to expect. In this pod, it was just him. On the other side of the wall was his date’s pod. A woman in the same situation as him.
He wondered what they would talk about. How weird this was? Probably.
‘Hello?’
Drake jumped at the female voice that sounded over the speakers in his pod. ‘Uhh, hi?’ he replied back.
The voice giggled. ‘Oh my God, this is crazy.’
Drake smirked. ‘I know, right? Insane. So... ‘
‘Are you drinking right now?’ she asked him.
‘How did you know?’ Drake asked, sipping his whiskey.
‘Because I’m eyeing up that drink trolley and wondering if it’s okay to have some wine. You know, to calm my nerves.’
Drake chuckled. ‘Go ahead.’
He could hear the sound of wine being poured.
Finally, she spoke again. ‘Okay, I’m settled down. So, what’s your name?’
‘Drake Walker. You?’
‘Camille Montespan.’
Drake smiled despite himself. Pretty name.
‘Cool,’ he said. He opened his notebook that had a list of questions he wanted to ask. ‘So, Camille, where you from, how old are you, yada yada?’
Camille laughed. ‘Yada yada?’ she asked. ‘Wow, big talker. Okay, I’m from New York and I’m 27. You?’
‘I’m from Texas,’ Drake replied. ‘I’m 28.’
‘Texas huh?’ she said. ‘Are you a cowboy?’
‘Ha, I wish!’ Drake laughed. ‘I do own a cowboy costume though.’
Why the fuck had he just admitted that?
‘You do?!’ Camille cried. ‘Oh my gosh, details please. Like a halloween costume or something for the bedroom?’
Drake smirked. ‘If I said it was for the bedroom, would you like that?’
Camille let out a throaty laugh that warmed Drake from inside. He liked her voice too. It was a warm voice that reminded him of caramel.
‘You know, I really would,’ she said. ‘Is it for the bedroom?’
‘Nah, it’s a costume I had to wear for the county fair when I was 18,’ Drake admitted. ‘Not sexy.’
‘Hmmm, yeah, not sexy,’ Camille agreed. ‘What’s Texas like?’
Drake settled back into the chair and got comfortable. ‘It’s warm,’ he said. ‘My family have a ranch so I spent my childhood outdoors. Mucking out the stables, riding the horses, fishing.. We have a lake by the ranch. My dad used to host 4th July parties, he was like the king of 4th July.’
Why the fuck was he suddenly talking about his dad?
‘That sounds amazing,’ Camille said. ‘So what’s your dad like? Is he keen on you being part of this weird experiment?’
Drake’s jaw set. He clenched the glass in his hand and didn’t answer.
‘Drake?’ Camille’s voice was concerned. ‘Drake, you alright?’
‘Yeah, yeah..’ he murmured. ‘Uhh, sorry. My dad.. My dad died when I was fourteen.’
He heard her take a sharp intake of breath. ‘Oh god. I’m so sorry,’ she said.
‘It’s cool,’ Drake replied quickly. ‘I’m over it.’
There was a silence. Drake wondered if he had scared her off. Well, if he had, then fuck her.
She cleared her throat. ‘You know, when I lost my own parents.. I’m still not over it, Drake. I was five.’
Drake’s eyes widened. He could feel his heart hammering against his chest. Did she understand?
‘Your parents..’
‘My parents passed away, yes,’ Camille said, her voice cracking. ‘So I get it, Drake. You can act aloof about it all you want and like it doesn’t hurt but it’s a void in your heart that will never be filled. You just got to take it day by day and eventually, it gets easier.’
Her breath hitched. Drake could hear it in her voice that she was getting emotional.
‘Camille, are you okay?’ he asked, his eyebrows knitting together.
‘Y-yeah..’
She wasn’t. Her voice was thick now. He knew she was probably starting to cry.
‘Don’t cry on me, Montespan..’ he murmured. ‘I’m not good with women crying. Makes me say awkward shit and I put my foot in it, which trust me, you really don’t want to hear..’
He let out a sigh of relief when he heard her laugh softly at this. ‘You’re such a guy, Drake,’ she said, sniffling. ‘I’m okay.’
Drake bit his lip. ‘You sure? Want me to kick this wall down and give you a pat on the back? I don’t really go for hugs to be honest..’
Camille giggled. ‘I’m fine, but thank you. Means a lot. I can tell you don’t usually talk about feelings and things. Sorry I freaked you out there.’
‘You didn’t,’ Drake told her, his voice steady. ‘I understand.’
There was another silence which Camille broke. ‘I understand you too.’
*********************************************
Camille faces the camera with red rimmed eyes and a tissue in her hand. ‘What the hell was that?!’ she cries. ‘Why did I start crying? Oh my god, he’ll think I’m crazy.. God that was powerful. I cried in a room, alone, with a stranger on the other side of the wall who was basically holding my hand without actually holding my hand. Jesus. I… I need a drink.’
She is asked if she liked her first date with Drake. Camille looks down at her hands, hiding the blush on her cheeks.
‘Yeah, I did,’ she whispers. ‘I know I cried.. Oh god, I cried on a first date, that’s awkward. But he seems nice. A bit reserved.. Though he told me about his dad which I think he tends to keep to himself? So that was really nice to be trusted. I felt like he trusted me. But, I think he’s going to be a slow burn. Under that gruff exterior is a marshmallow. I could tell because he was super concerned when I got upset. I’m excited to talk to him again.’
***************************************
Drake downs a glass of whiskey and shakes his hand. ‘That was fucking insane,’ he says. ‘So she started crying and I got all protective? I really wanted to kick that wall down. I just.. I’ve never talked about my dad before either. I never talk about him. I have no idea what happened in that pod or if you guys are putting something in these drinks, but I swear to God, I have never been that open.’
He chuckles. ‘I’m gonna be on my guard from now on.’
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Taylor Swift’s Evermore Review
This evening as I was stuck in traffic, driving back from holiday shopping all day for myself because let me tell you something if I don’t give myself something for Christmas, no one will. Anyway, there was not a lot going on at that moment, so I opened Facebook and was hit with great news: Taylor Swift was releasing YET ANOTHER ALBUM, a sister album to folklore named evermore.
Several hours later, at 11:11pm on December 10th, 2020 – after wrapping up my workout for the day and taking a shower – I’m tucked in bed, with a glass of cold water in hand, AirPods in (the pro ones obvi), about to listen to her newest album. So, let’s review it.
willow
Ok, so the instruments are a little more pronounced right away, I suspected this already because the album artwork was in color instead of black and white.
I really liked this song, I don’t know what it is about alternative music that just hits me where it needs to (unlike any other genre), and Taylor is such a great songwriter that I can always feel the meaning in her words even if I don’t relate.
However, I can relate to this one. My favorite lyric:
The more you say The less I know Wherever you stray I follow
I’ve said this to a guy before lol, he ghosted me after three weeks. But those three weeks were everything. Heaven and hell. If you wanna learn more about him read my past posts, you’ll find them right away.
Anyway, I don’t have a man right now, and I don’t want one, but like I said, I can feel the words.
champagne problems
Sadness.
You know what I’ve realized, and maybe everyone already knew this, but when going through a breakup a lot of the pain comes from the other person doing all the things we did together, but with someone else. Even if you were the one to break up the relationship, it still hurts. And this song is just that.
I cannot relate to this song personally because I’ve never done this to a person, but I do like to think that the shitty guy who obliterated my heart last January (yeah, the one I mentioned above) felt this way. Probs not.
Favorite lyrics:
She’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred And hold your hand while dancing Never leave you standing
I really enjoyed the piano on this one.
gold rush
Ok, a poppy beat. I like it.
While folklore was mostly not about her life, so far evermore seems very personal, yet very relatable. Gold rush obviously refers to the California gold rush, and thousands (millions? I don’t know, I was educated in Texas) of people relocating to California so they could dig up some gold. Perceptibly, the gold in this case refers to her man, and how everyone wants him (at least in her head).
Favorite lyrics:
I don’t like slow motion double vision in rose blush
I just like how she can make any words fit. Like, how does she do it?
What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?
Something that we all wonder about hot people. This song is about the insecurity that comes with being in a relationship, which is why I don’t like being in relationships.
‘tis the damn season
I like this one because it considers what a lot of us consider as well. The what if?
I don’t know if she wrote this one thinking about herself because as far as we know she is really happy with her man, and I really hope it stays that way. But when she says:
And the road not taken looks Real good now
Was she maybe wondering what life would’ve been like with her hometown lover? I don’t know. But I mean we all definitely consider things like this at some point in our lives, not necessarily about hometown lovers, but about past ones.
Favorite lyrics:
You could call me “babe” for the weekend ‘Tis the damn season Write this down
I assume she means the holiday season because don’t we all wish we had someone during it, but like just for the “weekend”? I know I do, but no.
tolerate it
This song is about that looming feeling that takes over a lot of us after the “honey moon” period at the beginning of a relationship is over. The moments where you start to consider whether something is a red flag or whether you are imagining it. I think it happens to everyone, but I don’t want to generalize.
Favorite lyrics:
If it’s all in my head tell me now Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow
_
While you were out building other worlds, where was I?
_
Now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life
For me, all of these lyrics show the insecurities that are typical in a relationship. It’s actually a little painful when you go through it, and it’s almost like you want your partner to wear a bodycam so that you can see and hear every conversation they have, to listen to the way they say things, their tone of voice, compliments they give and to who, just every detail of their life.
It sucks to feel that way.
no body, no crime (feat. HAIM)
Pop country?
This one is just really, like a lot to take in. Obviously, it’s not about Taylor, but it’s told by a person whose friend Este was “murdered” (cheated on I assume); however, I think Este is singing the song. I don’t know, there are many ways you could interpret this story.
I was really impressed though by how it goes from:
But I ain’t letting up until the day I die
to:
I wasn’t letting up until the day he Died
My assumption is that it’s about cheating and seeing all the clues, but not having the evidence to prove it, but still avenging yourself in the end. I liked this song.
happiness
The song is a question, “how does something great end?”
“We were so happy, when did it change?”
You know, these are questions that you will ask yourself at some point in your life.
I’m just now realizing that evermore is about why being in a relationship sucks, maybe we’ll get why being in a relationship is great with the rest of the songs, but so far Taylor is doing a great job at reminding me why I don’t want to be in a relationship, and perfect timing because ‘tis the damn season.
This song is the epitome of “easier said than felt”:
There’ll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you
No matter how many times you tell yourself this, when you’re going through a break up, this won’t help because you want them to be your happiness.
There’ll be happiness after me But there was happiness because of me
This one will hurt when your ex finds someone else because not only do they know that there is happiness after you, but they found the happiness after you.
Leave it all behind And there is happiness
Like I said, easier said than felt.
dorothea
The words we all wish our high school crush would say to us.
Do you ever stop and think about me?
Yes.
coney island (feat. The National)
I think we are entering the “pondering” songs, the ones where you don’t necessarily feel anything for the person, but you’re just thinking about them, and in the case of this song, all the ways you wronged them.
I have never done this to a person because nobody wants me lol. My favorite lyrics:
Will you forgive my soul When you’re to wise to trust me and too old to care?
I don’t know, there’s something honest about the question.
ivy
Are the songs getting more philosophical by now, or am I just dumb?
So far, this has been the song that I just cannot understand. Reading over the lyrics once again, I think this is a song about two separately married people having an affair, but not being able of letting go of each other even though they are “promised” to other people.
I don’t know, somebody enlighten me!
Favorite lyrics:
My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand Taking mine, but it’s been promised to another
cowboy like me
Now I’m really doubting my mental capacity. What is a cowboy supposed to be like?
I think, and this might be completely wrong, this song is about being in the entertainment industry. About selling yourself within the industry as the “cream of the crop”, but knowing deep down you are not that, and then recognizing someone in the industry doing the same thing as you. You know, just two people going through life selling themselves as the best of the best, and finding comfort in having someone they can be their true selves with.
Favorite lyrics:
You’re a cowboy like me Perched in the dark Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear
long story short
Long story short, this is a song about falling and getting back up again.
While I really like the lyrics in the end, when she says she survived the fall from the precipice, these resonated with me a little more:
I always felt I must look Better in the rear view
I take this to mean something along the lines of “the idea of who I am looks better than who I actually am.” I really identify with this thought because if you met me you would probably think that I’m just so chill and funny (not to toot my own horn lol), but if you got to know me you’d pretty quickly realize I am anxiety-ridden and dislike people very much.
marjorie
For some reason I feel like this song is about a trans person, is that just me? Like, you were born again as Marjorie, and you have a dead name now, but the essence of who you are is not dead to me.
Maybe not. I don’t know.
This could also be about losing the person you love, and wishing you had appreciated and enjoyed the times you spent with them a little more. This seems more like it.
I love that Taylor’s writings can be interpreted in many ways, and you know it’s all deliberate. Like she planned it like that. Ugh, her mind!
Favorite lyrics:
Never be so kind You forget to be clever Never be so clever You forget to be kind
For me this is a message on how you should keep a good balance in who you are. A reminder to not lose track of yourself.
closure
Well, this song is about closure. The whole first part of the song resonated so much with me because, going back to the guy that broke my heart back in January, well:
It’s been a long time And seeing the shape of your name Still spells out pain It wasn’t right The way it all went down
While I have gotten over him, the lyrics above mirror how I felt for a really long time even though our “relationship” only lasted three weeks (I’m not exaggerating). By the way, this guy and I were never official or anything.
Favorite lyrics:
It cut deep to know ya Right to the bone
This is still true. But yeah, I don’t need his closure (not that he would ever reach out), but I got my own closure, and that’s all that matters.
evermore (feat. Bon Iver)
And I couldn’t be sure I had a feeling so peculiar This pain wouldn’t be for Evermore
Coming back to closure and getting over a break up, there’s nothing more painful than the feeling you get when you get broken up with. Every day that you are not with this person, you think of new things you miss about them, and that’s what makes it painful. You keep telling yourself that you’ll get over them, but as the days go by you start doubting whether that is true (btw it’s true), and that’s why those lyrics are so significant.
Thoughts:
Well, I really liked this album just like I did folklore. I think Taylor is entering a new phase in her life. NOT a new era that goes with an album and ends when a new one comes out, but a new phase. That phase when you let go of the immature kid inside of you, and start focusing on yourself instead of others. These past couple of albums have shown that. I’m not saying that Taylor was immature btw, or that she is no longer youthful, but she definitely has a more adult-like air about her.
She also makes it clear why she is the Apple Music’s Songwriter of the Year. Her lyrics are just magnificent, she is able to say so much in a few verses, and she, like, cuts so deep with paper-thin words. It’s impressive, and I definitely see her as poet (since forever).
Anyway, I hope y’all like the album as well, and I hope Taylor keeps making music because I definitely LOVE IT!
Make sure to stream and/or buy her latest album here:
Apple Music
Spotify
YouTube
#taylor swift#evermore#folklore#album#album review#poems#love#relationships#heartbreak#pain#lover#songwriter#review#willow#champagne problems#gold rush#'tis the damn season#tolerate it#no body no crime#happiness#dorothea#coney island#ivy#cowboy like me#long story short#marjorie#closure#bon iver#haim#the national
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Umbrella Academy
season 2, episode 5
As usual I'm going to put all my reactions and live-blogging in this one post to avoid spamming.
1962, Cape Canaveral
So Pogo is from Congo?
Wait, is that Grace? is Grace some sort of biologist or scientist?
Is Pogo supposed to be one of the chimps for the space program?
I love this song. Oh look, there's Reggie!
Oh, that nod between Reggie and Grace... What are they up to?
Yep, definitely the space program.
Little astronaut Pogo... Wait, what's happening?
Who's the shady guy in the sunglasses behind Reggie?
Aww, poor Pogo...
SO THAT'S WHERE THE SERUM USED ON LUTHER CAME FROM! I figured but it's still interesting to see the origin.
Oh, there's the ancient Greek! Did Reggie read to the kids like this too? I doubt it but one can hope.
So Reggie and Grace basically treated Pogo like their child... And Reggie was actually a decent parent... ? Dude, you couldn't do that for your actual kids?!
Wait, does this make Pogo the seven's big brother? 😆
And there's the Magnificent 12. Oh, Pogo's drawing is so cute.
Five really is onto Lila... and he's right!
Diego onto Lila as well!
Hungover Klaus 😅 and Ben asking what we all want to know but it comes from a place of love and concern. Still sassy though.
Why won't Klaus just tell Allison that he is talking to Ben? Also, cowboy? Is that a comic reference? Or just a Texas reference?
Oh, I love Ben and Klaus banter. XD
Klaus does have a point, Allison.
*Allison throws the flask away* Ben: "attagirl!" Allison: "i have a blender and some much better booze" *cue Ben sulking*
"I love you so much!" Awwww, Klaus-Allison bonding! ❤️❤️❤️ this show is really giving me everything I want, huh?
Sissy and Vanya in bed together 👀😏 that's hot.
So she brought her coffee and then took the coffee away? XD
Is Vanya offering to take Sissy to the future? 👀
Oh no, Carl!
They have a point, Five. Everything starts taking apart at soon as you arrive. Repeatedly. I actually pointed this out yesterday.
You're burning the eggs, Luther.
"That boy stinks" poor Luther 🤣
Where exactly was Luther going? Chicago? Detroit?
Wait, is that the academy pre-academy? Wait, so it's not in Texas??? Then what about Argyle? What the hell? I'm so confused now. 😵
Luther, you need a bath.
Reggie in a party xD that must be an odd sight for Luther.
"The world's never going to end in such a cliché. Believe me. I know how endings feel" -what does it mean???? Does it mean he knows how the world ends? Or does it mean politically as a member of the 12? Is it a double entendre? Foreshadowing? Does he have some sort of prescient power?
Still want to know who the shady guy in the shades is.
"No, you're not" "no, you're not" "no, i didn't" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
"I have a deep dislike of children" -yeah, we been knew. 😒😒😒
"your grotesque simian proportions"??? Those are entirely your fault, Reginald! 😠
"But...i took a bus" - oh, honey... Luther, you adorable, naive, sweet, innocent, awkward little dork... Let me hug you, i don't care if you stink! 😢
Man, Reginald is still such an asshole. (I'm glad for that though, I was afraid this season would try to play the 'he wasn't really so bad, just misunderstood' card and that would piss me off, you can show him actually caring for the children but no excusing goddamn child abusers in this house!)
"At least he didn't shank my ass" "no, bro, he shanked your heart" -awww, dudebro affection. Diego does have a sensitive side!
I didn't realize i needed Luther-Diego bonding this badly but i do. I really, really, really do.
"It's time to get the umbrella academy back together." "hell yeah, family meeting." -since when is Diego so happy to get the family together? 😆
But hell yeah, let's get the family back together!!!
"you two still a thing? Do we need to talk?" (Diego's face though 🤣) "no, she's married." "Whoa, dude. That's rough."
Diego is the new Zuko, it all lines up!
"I can handle it" he nervous chuckles while stress eating in a stolen robe, after ruining his own life and getting in trouble with the mob and getting high.
"can you get Vanya without, uh, squeezing her to death?" - ouch 🤣
I'm loving the boys bonding.
Yikes, Sissy looks so uncomfortable with Carl...
"Harlan doesn't care" -oh, he does, he reeeeally does, you just can't read the signs, you clueless dumbass.
Oh, the powers... Oh, Harlan initiating touch with Vanya! Boy is more perceptive than they think.
Why does Sissy look so scared?
Sissy's reactions to Carl have been suspicious from the start. She's given a lot of red flags (the anxiety, the body language, the hoarding money in secret, the reluctance to speak up, the desperation to keep Vanya near her at all times, etc) and I've wondered if he's been abusive but he seems more pathetic than purposely malicious, he even showed vulnerability and admited to loving her and fearing that she doesn't feel the same, so I was starting to think Sissy's fear and paranoia had more to do with a fear of Carl leaving her (and thus taking away the only income and leaving her and Harlan with nothing).
However, I'm rethinking things and I'm starting to suspect abuse again (at least psychological, if not physical)... I think the only reason we don't see it yet is because Vanya is there and Carl won't act out on front of a witness.
I could totally be wrong though, I could be seeing signs that aren't there because of my own issues. We'll see.
Is... Is Handler actually a good mother?
Nevermind, she's gaslighting.
But she cares enough to give first aid and admit she lied so... Definitely a better parent than Reginald at least. I actually want her to be a decent parent, I'm tired of the narrative where villains all have to be abusive parents, villains can love too and that makes the story so much more complex and dramatic when people finally have to choose sides.
Felt, Diego's knife... what is she up to?
Sandpaper, steel wool, round metal parts, skewers, spray lubricant, and something cylindrical with the name of a plumbing service? Is she making pneumatic canisters? The ones the Commission uses to send messages?
Also, what's with Commission training and using plumber stuff? Five also used a plumbing company's van in season 1.
Elliot really likes Jell-O, huh? Very 50s housewife of him.
"how are feeling?" "Pretty shitty, to be honest" "Where would you say you are on a scale from one to ending all life on this planet?" 🤣🤣🤣 They are never going to let her live this down, are they?
I need more Vanya-Diego bonding. ❤️
Diego accepted Vanya's apology???😲 AWWWWWWWW 🥰🥰🥰🥰
Diego about to ask girl advice from his sister? So cute, why did they interrupt, I wanted to see that! 🥰
I miss Diego's nervous stutter though.
"you don't speak French" -doesn't he? If Allison can read seven languages, logically so can all the others, right? And Klaus is constantly using French and German, how are you telling me he doesn't know French? 😆
"did we all get sexier?" -pretty much and you're not done yet.
Aww, awkward Vanya-Allison hug... Let them bond! 💖💖💖
Klaus and Diego hugging!!! And Diego calling him out on being drunk like the overprotective brother he is 💖💖💖
Klaus hugging the girls! 💖💖💖
So much love. So much growth since all the bitterness from season 1. I NEED MORE OF THIS, DAMN IT!
Who knew it took Vanya snapping and killing everyone for this family to finally bond?
OH COME ON, KLAUS! Just tell them poor Ben is there, that's so mean.
Ah! Allison and Diego with pure sibling banter. 💖
What is with the Handler family and red shoes?
Handler's style changed a bit, went from retro femme fatale on s1 to matronly debutante in s2... Interesting.
Don't hurt the kitty, you bitch! 😡
The Swedes have become crazy cat people. I'm starting to love these weirdos.
Is that their mama?
Pneumatic tube! CALLED IT!
Ah, I see. That's why she wanted Diego's knife. The Swedes are getting set up.
"oh my God, again?" ... "all of you knew? Why am I always the last one to find out about the end of the-- oh, my God. My cult is gonna be so pissed. Five, I told them we had until 2019!" -that's why you're the last one, Klaus, your priorities.
"is it Vanya?" "Klaus!" "What? It's usually Vanya." - one time. you end the world ONE TIME and nobody ever let's you live it down.
"find dad" "kill dad" -well, Diego learned from Five *shrugs*
"has anyone here done anything to screw up the timeline?" -literally everyone except you, Vanya.
( well, unless saving Harlan with your magic lights messed up the timeline...)
Yup, here they go calling each other out. Hilarious 🤣🤣🤣
"THANK you" - I love Ben 💙
Diego, you idiot, saving Kennedy is what wrecks everything! Stop being stubborn.
Aww, traumatized Five... Please just listen to him, he just wants to save you all because he loves you 😢
Five deserves more love from the family. PLEASE.
Wow, Luther is reeeeally bitter about daddy, huh? What is Lila doing?
"I've missed you all... So much" BEN! 😭😭😭😭😭
Ok, now I'm crying.
Klaus, let your brother talk to the rest of the damn family, he misses them! 😭😭😭😭
Yay, more Luther-Diego bonding!
"since the last time I destroyed the world by overestimating my own importance" -I'm so glad he owns up to this, it's very important but he needs to get over his self-hate and gain some confidence again.
Diego, stop acting like you don't have daddy issues, you are riddled with them.
Diego's hero complex again... Which comes from the daddy issues. Luther is right.
"you are so goddamn big that sometimes I forget what a sensitive bastard you are." 🤣🤣🤣 He's absolutely right!
Brotherly bonding ftw!
Oh, they got daddy's attention!
AHAHAH! Allison bitching and rambling while doing Klaus's hair, Vanya miming shooting the bottles ("pew pew" 🤣). I'm sorry but this whole scene is adorable as fuck.
Girl's day!
"wouldn't it be weird if Five grew up all hot?" 🤣🤣🤣 Klaus asking the real important questions here!
Vanya confused by the Luther/Allison crush 🤣 "aren't we all related?"' -yes, honey, that's why it's weird.
"if you have to use the word 'technically' you're already in trouble" -THANK YOU, KLAUS!
Klaus's ENTIRE speech about their love lives is the most perfect thing EVER 🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌💯💯💯
Really alarmed Vanya finding out she dated a serial killer: "what?!" / Allison, whispering casually: "Later." 🤣
"the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin." 😂😂😂😂😂 The best part is- HE'S NOT WRONG
Vanya's weirded out face is priceless 👌👌👌
"the only thing the umbrella academy knows about love is how to screw it up" "cheers!" 💯👏👏👏
These babies really need a hug. Let me hug them!
"how do you guys deal with this?" -look at them Vanya, they day drink.
"well, I get reeeeally high, Allison... Allison... Lies to herself. And you supress all your emotions deep, deep down until you... Blow shit up." -Klaus really is serving up all the wisdom in this little outing, isn't he? Maybe being a cult leader actually did him some good? Or maybe it's just that his family is FINALLY listening to him.
"yeah, I'd really like to not do that anymore" 😂 -ah! Is Vanya graduating out of the awkward dork sibling category and into the sassy queen one?
Omg, the drunk decisions...
"I just hate group backups, that's why I stopped dating twins" 😆😆😆😆
"this family is amazing" - DAMN RIGHT, VANYA! ❤️🧡💛💚💚💙💜
Awww, the HUG! The DANCING! MY BABIES! Fav scene, fav scene!
I want to adopt this family so bad.
And here's the Swedes being set up...
There goes baby Swede! I kinda feel bad for them.
Uh oh, now they want revenge of poor Diego.
Gotta hand it to Handler, she played this one very well. Parallels Five tricking Hazel and Cha-Cha into fighting each other in season 1. Very cool.
BAD GUY! I like this version better than the original, great song and fits Lila perfectly.
Holy shit!!!!!!!!! We all knew Five had moves but THESE MOVES!!!!!! 😲
How did Lila do that? Is it with Handler's time stopping thing? I always wondered how she did that too.
Holy shiiiiiiiiit. This whole fight was FANTASTIC! 😲
Oh Vanya... 😢
Oh Sissy... 😩
Sissy has been so desperate to keep Vanya tied to her but the moment Vanya asks her to make the slightest sacrifice for their relationship Sissy balks and pulls away... Not a balanced relationship at all.
I understand Sissy's fear, it's not selfishness, it's literal fear of change, but it's still sad and it's going to wreck them.
Oh, so this is where the swedish cover of "Hello" comes in... Very fitting.
Viking funeral, huh?
Ok, I never thought I'd have feels for the Swedes but I do. 😢
Luther eating AGAIN. But hey, he and Diego didn't the whole day together! Why can't we see that too? I need more brother time between these two.
Oh Klaus, is so uncomfortable but he can't stand disappointing the cultists, can he?
Still shocks me how all those people just invaded his house while he was away and thought that was perfectly acceptable and cool, it shows they really don't respect him as a person, he's just an object to make them feel better and give them purpose... It's terrifying and really sad when you think about it.
"sit your ass down." -you go, Allison! Tell him everything!
This episode gave me SO MANY FEELINGS! It might read like (extremely good) fanfiction but it's exactly what we all needed and it might be my favorite episode so far.
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WhatsApp? Part 12. (Steve Rogers x reader)
Description: You’ve never been lucky with guys. You just wanted to catch someone’s eye, to be loved. One day, that’s about to turn completely - with one fake, completely imagined number a guy gave you
A/N: Here we go for the first time.
Word Count: 2.6 K
Warnings: Full of nervousness.
Tagging: @missdictatorme, @songforhema, @mikariell95, @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory
Read the rest here: Part One Part Two Part three Part four Part five Part Six Part seven Part eight Part nine Part ten Part eleven
If you like to have your readings in order :): H E R E
"You've told something to him?" - You looked Bucky in the eyes with a serious frown. You almost exploded after you hung up on Steve's call.
Steve Rogers asked you out after soon to be six months of testing. You were out of your mind. The wanted to go fucking out with you on a date. You immediately called to Deena and she was excited as well, she told Bucky in the next few seconds because he was apparently staying over at her place.
"He finally got his thoughts together." - You heard Bucky yell. The excitement was shaded by a little frown. Was this Bucky's work? Did he nudge Steve to do that? That was the question you were thinking about the whole night. So naturally, when James drove Deena to the office, that was the first thing you asked. You basically jumped at him.
"What? No. I didn't do anything." - Bucky smiled with all of his nonchalance. You were sure that he's lying. One hundred percent sure. You began to know his expression when he was there almost every day. Even Peter befriended him by the course of the time. And when you texted Peter those exciting news, even he thought that James worked some behind the scenes magic.
"Yeah. Right. If you've told him anything, you can tell me." - You said with a slight furrow. Bucky smiled widely again.
"I just encouraged him. That's all that I've done. A slight friendly help." - Bucky answered and took another bite from his plum. He already gave you yours - so you two just stood in the middle of the office and chew on plums while talking. You were waiting for some papers the other girls will give you to work the economic accountant magic with them.
"I hope you didn't make him do it. Because then it would be really cringy." - You raised your eyebrows. Then the door to your office opened and May with Peter was coming in. Peter had a day off of school, so May told him to come over. He liked to do some paperwork to help you and the other girls.
Although Peter was a seriously chaotic person, he was good with papers. He found paperwork pretty fun. He waved at your and James, having his back lazily over his shoulder and he was grinning like an idiot.
"What you're doing here? You're having a crush talk or what? I can discuss with you." - Peter finished your circle of losers and he got a plum himself from Bucky as well.
"You do, youngling?" - Bucky raised his eyebrows playfully. You just nodded with a serious face, finishing your first plum. You were sure that Bucky will restock his supplies the very same evening and you'll have two others.
"Oh yeah, he does. Our Lil' Pete can talk for hours about his Liz." - You nudged his side. Peter looked at May, he was horrified that she could've heard something, but he exhaled loudly when he was sure that May is still oblivious about Liz.
"Shut the hell up, dude. May would larb to tell everybody then." - Peter held your shoulder tightly and rolled his eyes.
"Should I say it louder then?" - You teased Peter and everyone giggled when Peter tensed for a minute. - "Come, dummydumdum. We'll go through some archives. I need to find some financial report from the last quarter." - You bobbed your head in the direction of the archive room and smiled at James as you left him in the middle of the room with a swift conversation.
You were really grateful to Buck for what he has done in the end. He was a good friend to both you and Steve.
---
The evening when Steve was about to leave for your date, he was worse than a mother who had her first child. He matched together a few outfits, freaked out as hell and talked faster then Eminem rapped.
"Should I take a tux or not, should I go formally dressed or should I go just..." - Steve mumbled to himself and Sam watched him intensely ever tho he had an opened newspaper with a seriously interesting article, but let's be honest - this was way funnier.
Sam was sad about Bucky being absent. This would make Bucky laugh so much. So Sam had to keep his eyes opened to remember every little detail so he could tell Bucky.
"Should I use cologne?" - Steve stopped all of a sudden, shirtless with his hands on his hips and a frown, looking directly at Sam.
"Yo talkin' to Mr. Match Maker?" - Sam pointed at himself and Steve nodded with an innocent frown. He was so pure it hurt. - "So yo talkin' to me. Let me see what ya have in stock." - Sam stood up from his chair, entering Steve's room slowly, licking his lips.
He watched Steve's outfits like a fashion disaster. This old man had a funny idea of being seductive or sexy. Sam looked at Steve with a question in his eyes but Steve just shrugged his shoulders.
"Ya don't mean any of this seriously, do ya?" - Sam asked with a smile. Steve frowned even more at that point. - "Man, I'll teach ya somethin', alright? These would maybe impressed ladies back in your day, but now it's the 21st century. You're a handsome, well-built hunk. Don't be afraid of showing some of dat meat to your girl." - Sam opened Steve's not so huge wardrobe without asking, taking one specific shirt out.
Yeah, Steve took some shirts out, but those were terrible. This one was sewed from a silky material, it was in the shade of a dark ocean blue and it made Steve seriously appeal like the biggest trophy in the game. It was a bit lose around Steve's shoulders, but tight around his waist and hips, bringing attention to it.
"Are you sure about this one?" - Steve asked and he was not entirely convinced by Sam's devilish grin.
"Are ya blind? Look at it, boy. This is your key to her heart and her panties." - Sam gave him the shit to Steve. His face was deadly serious at that moment because he didn't catch that it's a joke from Sam.
"Sam, I don't it's appropriate to talk about this stuff right now." - Steve mumbled with a dead face.
"I'm joking, ya moron. But don't you try to make an idiot out of me. You thought about that nasty shit. Ya a man, so don't ya try to play that saint card on me." - Sam laughed and fetched him old jeans which were practically worn out. They used to be from Wrangler, but at that point, you could probably easily miss it.
"And wear those. Just nudge the shirt inside on the front, let it be a bit loosed around the hips and that's that. Let the magic of your charisma work. You'll be good." - Sam patted his friend's shoulder and went to the table again. Steve was redder than some bio tomato at that point of the conversation.
He would not say it out loud at any costs. Of course, he had thought about you in that sense. In the sexual one, of course. You were sweet, unintentionally racy and sexy in his eyes. For example, when you were sending him some selfies from the bed, all messed up, your hair fell out of the bun, your lips curled in a smile, sun shining on your skin.
In his opinion, that was way better than some Maxim or Playboy full of those models who did it mostly for the money. You were natural, so... Normal and yet you didn't stop to take his breath away.
"You didn't answer my question." - Steve leaned into the doorframe and Sam raised his eyes up from the newspaper while drinking some black coffee. - "Should I wear some cologne?"
"I don't know. Maybe a bit of aftershave water or balm, that smell usually goes well with the ladies, but I'm not entirely sure about that cologne. That can be a bit too much for now." - Sam answered honestly without thinking.
"And are flowers still a thing these days?" - Steve asked before he left the room completely. Sam had a poker face at that moment.
"Ya know. We are barbarians, on the first date, we take them out with a club and then we drag them to out the cave, ya nonchalant ass prince. Was that question even necessary? We, as real men, value our women. Flowers are still a real thing.” - Sam answered unbelievable tone of his voice.
“Flowers, okay.” - Steve nodded and pointed at Sam when he slowly closed the door to his bedroom so he could calmly dress.
---
You were a lot of more ok that poor Steve. For you, it wasn't the first date from the century ago like it was for him. To be fair, you dated two years ago for the last time and that guy was a dick to say at least. He acted like a complete idiot with no sense for public opinion whatsoever. And he came dressed like a fucking Texas cowboy.
You were sure that this will be different. But nobody could stop you from being at least partially worried. You stood in front of your mirror in a loose black blouse, jeans that reached your waist and some boots on slight platformed high heels and you looked at yourself with a frown. Was it showing too much for his taste or should you show something more? The slight valley showing your cleavage being pushed up was pretty visible, but nothing more could be seen. Only your naked shoulders.
Some scenarios crossed your mind - what if he takes you to the church? That was the most obvious bullshit you could come up with, but you were worried about your shoulders and jeans not being accepted in that scenario. Or a fancy restaurant? Or... Your head was full of what-if plans which were totally shitty, but you just couldn't stop yourself from thinking about them.
Let me say one thing as the narrator as I am, girl, you were looking burning hot. Trust me, I'm into girls, I can judge those things. Only you knew which makeup suits you the most, your hairstyling was absolutely adorable and you looked like a cute little bean.
Even girls in your group chat confirmed it. And Deena's text could be count as two because of course, she had shown Bucky. They sent a selfie back - they were eating grapes, not plums for this instance, Deena had a creepy black facemask on and she even made Bucky wear one. His was the typical white one; but while Deena looked like a demon, he had his typical big smile on and those blue eyes were piercing you even through the display, his hair somehow messily. She overall made him do such girly things, whether he did it willingly or not.
But their compliment made you flattered and confident as you texted them back in a short text. Maybe that's why the bell surprised you as much as it did. Steve was there physically, standing in front of your house, waiting for you. That made your head stop for a second. Steve, a real one, was just waiting outside for you to come down.
It was your completely first time seeing him, seeing his face and his overall look just as he was, you were about too see just him and nothing else. Just the way you’ve sighed and drooled about the whole time; the thing you’ve imagined for so long was just at the gasp of your fingers. The battle was on and you had no intentions to lose it.
You felt strangely numb when you checked your apartment for the last time and then locked your door. It was the jitters hugging you everywhere on your body, that made your fingers tremble and breath to be stuck more and more. The last steps felt like the biggest hell because it was so close that you could just hold your hand, opened the front door and opened them up.
You were acting like a child, just about to slap yourself to concentrate and behave like the adult you are. So you opened the door up and let me say - he was huge. It made you shocked, surprised. You just stood there for a few seconds, watching the enormous silhouette of his back.
Even this man’s back was impressive as hell, he was huge and truly muscly. Naturally, your eyes slowly fell down to his butt. And that butt was a really nice butt, round and nice to look at.
“So that's you? I am still not allowed to see your face?” - You laughed nervously and just as he heard your voice, Steve stopped to look around the street and turned his attention only to you.
You were much shorter and your body was gentle, just as you would expect with a woman’s body. You took his breath away for a few seconds.
But you studied him with a frown. A huge puget of roses was the first thing you’ve noticed in his hands. But then you travelled higher and higher on his body. And when you saw the face for the first time, your jaw just dropped down in shock.
That wasn't just some random Steve. Nor some random Steve Rogers. This was the Steve Rogers, the Captain America you’ve seen on so many news, on so many internet pages, his photos were everywhere.
Well, that must've been destiny pulling a prank on you - a seriously not funny prank on you. You knew him from the many texts you’ve exchanged. He was a romantic, gentle soul, so well mannered man that it was almost unreal. You almost didn't understand the situation at all. So, was it him, Captain America, all the time, or was it just a coincidence. Maybe Steve Rogers was around the corner and Mr America was just waiting for that hot widow on the second floor?
“I'm so sorry, Captain. I... I thought you were someone different.” - You stuttered, ready to go back to your flat, ready to let him leave. But his warm, huge hand gently touched your arm.
His magical made you weak - he had a boyish, bright smile and baby blue eyes. You felt like a fangirl who encountered their idol. He was really beautiful when he was leaning forward to you, his hand was warm and gentle on your arm. Captain was handsome, he reminded you of Adonis, the Greek god himself.
You couldn't find the words to describe him at all. Captain looked like a man, but he had the energy of a boy in him. But somehow, even though he was tall and huge, he was so warm and nice, it just shined from his eyes. You liked him.
“I'm pretty sure you’re the one who am I waiting for.” - He stopped you from going back inside, making you close your eyes and giggle as you definitely closed the door, stepping on a socially acceptable distance from his body.
“So you’re Captain America.” - Your cheeks reddened and you covered your face in your palms. You giggled like hell. - “Oh my God.”
#captain america#steve rogers x y/n#steve rogers x reader#Steve Rogers#steve rogers imagine#bucky barnes#the winter soldier#james buchanan barnes#the falson#sam wilson#here we go#holy shit
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Potions Master|Mortal Kombat x Reader|Erron Black x Reader
A/N: Its genuine 24K shit, but it was therapeutic to write it.
Hope you like it. Don’t be mean please.
Smutty part 2 maybe??
Word Count: Between 4,500 ish
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Potions Master. That was what everyone called you. While your brother, Johnny, became a fighting movie star, you had been training with your teacher, learning everything you could about brewing potions. You know seventy different ways to kill someone. You could heal someone on the brink of death. You could make someone immune to fire. You could make someone able to breathe underwater. And you knew many other tricks with your potions. You truly were a potions master. You had valuable skills that – since your mentored had passed – only you knew. And that made you valuable.
You had been staying with your brother, Johnny, for a couple of weeks now, since you had been attacked at your home and almost kidnapped. He was very hospitable to you despite being a smart ass. One day he came to you with a solemn look on his face.
“There’s a mission.” He started and you looked at him worriedly. “Both Cassie and I are going.” You could feel your heart pounding instantly. Fear for your well being bubbled up inside you as you felt a panic attack setting in. Johnny came to you and wrapped his arms around you in a big hug cooing quietly to try to calm you. “It’ll be okay.” He said as he gently swayed left to right. “I’ve got you covered.”
The sound of metal shoes clanking on the ground caught your attention and you looked passed Johnny to see whose footsteps were clattering into your room. A cowboy? You thought. A tall man with a mask covering his mouth and nose, wearing literally all leather stood in your doorway. Your eyes caught his pale ones. He tipped his cowboy hat to you.
“Ma’am.” He said.
Johnny’s embrace around you loosened as you looked to him for answers. His face said that he knew the man, so your concerns faded.
“Y/n, this is Erron. I’ve hired him to look after you while we are gone.” Johnny explained.
“Nice to meet you, little lady.” His smooth Texas accent sounded like chocolate in your ears. Erron took off his hat and gently bowed in your direction. You couldn’t lie, you swooned. “Erron Black, at your service.” He added.
“Y/n.” you only gave your first name. Erron might have been hot as hell, but he was still a stranger, and you didn’t fully trust him.
///
As Johnny and Cassie were leaving, your brother pulled you into a tight hug. After a moment, he pulled back and gave you a loving look. Then Cassie came to give you a hug. As she held you, you reached into your bag and pulled out some glass spheres and put them into her bag.
“Don’t let your dad use these.” You whispered into her ear. She pulled away and looked into her bag. She gasped in shock and looked at you astonished.
“Is that – “ She started.
“Green Fire. Yeah.” You confirmed her thoughts.
“I definitely will be keeping these for myself.” She laughed.
Cassie went with her dad in a helicopter and everyone waved as they left.
///
Johnny and Cassie had been away for their mission for a few days. You and Erron got along, but because a) he was a stranger, and ; b) he was hot as fuck and that made you nervous, there was a minimal number for words exchanged between you two.
A man had come to your small work area where you mostly made healing balms and small explosives. Special Forces wouldn’t really condone you making much else. He stood in the doorway, but you were too wrapped up in not letting the explosives you were bottling explode to see him there. It wasn’t until Erron cleared his throat that you noticed anyone was there.
“Oh, sorry. Didn’t see you there.” You apologized to the man.
“It’s alright sweet cheeks. How ‘bout a kiss and we’ll call it even?” The man said walking in towards you. Erron stood up straight putting a hand on his gun in case the man got any closer to you. When the man stepped even closer Erron cocked his gun and pointed it at the man, but you raised your hand in protest and started laughing softly at the man, stepping closer to him. Erron was concerned but suddenly you grabbed as small vile from your desk and at the same time grabbed the man by his ear and pulled his head down level with yours. You put the vile under the man’s nose so that he inhaled the scent of the contents of the vile.
“Tell me, what is the way you most fear dying?” You asked the man harshly.
“Shinnok. I fear Shinnok killing me and reviving me as the undead and that I will never know peace.” The man confessed. You put the vile away and went to loudly whisper in the man’s ear.
“If I ever hear you speak to me or anyone else with such entitled misogyny again I will summon Shinnok specifically to come and kill you and make you a Revenant so that you will be doomed to walk with him for all eternity. Never will your soul rest, and it will be MY doing. Do you understand me?” You threatened the man whose ear you still held sharply. The man nodded his head quickly. “I’m looking for a ‘Yes Ma’am,’” You clarified.
“Yes Ma’am!” He said quickly. You released his ear and he stood and ran out of the room. You looked over to Erron who held and impressed look in his eye. Turns out Erron maybe didn’t have to be so protective of you.
///
It had been roughly three weeks since you were home, and the base had you getting a little stir crazy. Erron, to your astonishment (that he recognized anything in your behaviour) recognized this and suggested that you go home. He insisted that he’d watch over you no matter where you were, and if you were more comfortable at home, then that’s where you should be. And so you and Erron headed back to your home, but something happened along the way.
The two of you were walking down the street when Erron grabbed you and tackled you to the ground. You were so surprised that you didn’t hear the gunshot until you saw the damage that it did to the wall behind you. Erron got up and started shooting at your assailants.
“Black!” One of them called, “Step down from your usual kind of woman, wouldn’t you say?” he yelled while shooting at you. Although you really should have been concerned that you were being shot at, you couldn’t help but feel hurt at that comment, ‘step down from your usual kind of woman’. You had always felt as if you were sub-par in the looks department. Johnny had been the one to inherit that. But even though you felt that you knew it to be true, it still hurt when people pointed it out. By the time you had finished the thought Erron had taken out all of the assailants. He turned to face your shaking form still laying in the ground where he left you.
“Next time people are shooting at you, run for cover somewhere.” Erron said pointedly but still with a bit of ...what, playfulness you thought. Almost as if there was a little bit of a smile in that sentence. He put his guns away and bent down to help you off of the ground, but when he went to pull you up he groaned and held his side. You both looked to find that he was shot through his side. You looked up at him with concern filling your face.
“It’s nothing. I’ve had worse.” He tried to calm you.
“Come on.” You said putting his arm around your shoulder to help him walk. “I can take care of that at home.” And you went to your home.
///
ERRON’S POV
After initially meeting Y/n he didn’t really think much of her. Anyone who was so weak that they needed his protection was probably nothing to take up a lot of time in his brain. But when she gave Cassie some spheres of Green Fire he was intrigued. He had seen Green Fire in Outworld. It was a deadly and devastating weapon that almost guaranteed victory to whoever was using it. But something like that must have been volatile to concoct. The fact that Y/n made any was impressive. A certain amount of respect for her was gained.
///
Spending time watching Y/n in her lab was like watching an artist work. The look of concentration on her face and the look she had when she had an epiphany and added a bunch of random stuff to a brew made a fluttering of sorts happen in Erron’s stomach. ‘She’s just a job.’ He would think to himself and dismiss any feelings he might have been having. But when the man came to her lab and asked for a kiss like a douche a feeling of fierce defensiveness erupted from him. But then when she stopped him and defended herself, he saw that he being hired to protect her was probably more Johnny’s idea than hers. She could take care of herself. And Erron would admit, it turned him on.
///
Over the days spent on the Special Forces base with Y/n he tried his best to dispose of the ideas and feelings that kept surfacing about Y/n. She made him want to ferociously protect her because if anything happened to her, he would never be able to forgive himself, which was a new concept for him. He had never had feelings like this about anyone. Not even Nitara or Skarlet. During the time he spent trying to not have feelings for Y/n he watched her more intently. He noticed that she was feeling very out of place, and that she was rather anxious and antsy.
“What’s gonna get you to stop fidgeting?” He asked Y/n at lunch one day, trying to hide the hint of concern that was detectible in his voice.
“Oh, sorry.” She apologize unnecessarily. “I guess I’m just missing home.” She confessed.
“Then why don’t we go there?” Erron asked.
“Is that allowed?” Y/n half scoffed. Erron laughed. For the first time in a long time, Erron actually laughed at something.
“Darlin’, I’ll protect you wherever you go.” Erron said accidentally letting some of what he was feeling for Y/n show. “It’s what your brother is paying me for.” He added to try to misdirect. Y/n thought about it for a moment before nodding her head.
///
The walk to Y/n’s home was silent for the most part. Erron couldn’t help the nagging in his brain to find out more about Y/n. He rationalized that he would find out something about her that would be a deal breaker for him and these feelings that he didn’t want would go away. So he gently prodded her for information.
“So, Potions Master?” He asked. She looked up at him waiting for a follow up question. “How does someone – a human especially, become a Potions Master?” He looked down at her looking for her reaction to his question. She knit her eyebrows together thinking of her answer. Though no one could see because of his mask, he was smiling. He loved it when she looked like she as thinking. ‘Adorable.’ He thought silently to himself.
“Well, I guess it started when I was a young teen. I had sever back pain and nothing was working to relieve it. So I turned to herbal remedies and found a mustard paste that I put on my back. I was in so much pain I was willing to try anything. And to my surprise it worked! So I started to research other remedies for different things… and that’s how I met my teacher. In the recipes section of the archives. He said that he knew a lot about potions as he called them. I asked if he could teach me and said yes. I spent the next fifteen years studying with him. He was my potions master. And then after he passed, being his only student, I became the Potions Master.” You explained at length. And Erron ate up every word. He nodded to indicate that he understood, and then the two of you walked in comfortable silence.
Something on the roofs caught his attention. A shooter that was aiming for Y/n. Quickly he grabbed Y/n and brought her to the ground as the first shot was fired. He stood up and started shooting at the shooter. He hit the one on the roof but two more came out of the building in front of them.
“Black!” One of them called, “Step down from your usual kind of woman, wouldn’t you say?” he yelled while shooting at him. ‘How do they fucking dare talk about Y/n like that!?’ Erron thought, and he fired at the shooters with blind rage. In an instant they were dead and Erron turned to see Y/n still sitting on the ground where he left her.
“Next time people are shooting at you, run for cover somewhere.” Erron said pointedly but still with a bit of the smile that he was glad his mask hid.
He put his guns away and bent down to help Y/n off of the ground, but when he went to pull her up he groaned and held his side. Both he and Y/n looked to find that he was shot through his side. She looked up at his with concern filling her face.
“It’s nothing. I’ve had worse.” He tried to calm her.
“Come on.” She said putting his arm around her shoulder to help him walk. “I can take care of that at home.” And they went to her home.
///
They came to a small house and Y/n let them in. The inside of the house was filled wall to wall with shelves filled with what looked like different ingredients. There was a standalone set of shelves that were filled with bottles and viles of already made concoctions. Erron could see through the open area to the kitchen where different herbs were drying, hanging from the ceiling. They would have hit him in the head if he walked through there, but they just barely missed Y/n as she rushed into the room, grabbing a bottle of capsules and running back to him.
Y/n guided Erron to the couch and got him to sit down and rest back onto it.
“Here,” She said handing him a couple of the capsules from the bottle. Then she ran back to the kitchen and grabbed a glass, filling it with water, and then rushed back to Erron. “Take them.” She told him.
“What is it?” Erron asked suspiciously.
“ White willow bark, Valerian root, and Boswellia.” Y/n said but Erron gave her a confused look. She chuckled, “It’s a pain reliever.” She explained. Erron nodded and took off his mask so that he could take the pills and the water to swallow them down. Y/n smiled brightly at him and if he were standing Erron would have been so weak kneed he’d have fallen. Y/n softly squeezed his arm in a tender way before getting up and going back to the kitchen.
Erron tried to get up to follow her but Y/n turned around and gently pushed him back to the couch.
“No! You need to rest!” She said pointedly. “I’m going to make a healing paste for your wound. Just relax.” Erron tried to protest but the authoritative look on Y/n’s face told him that he better do as she says. “If you want to help you can try to take off your vest so that I can apply the paste directly to your skin.” She said sensing that Erron didn’t want to be useless. Erron nodded in agreement and sat back down, starting to unbuckle his vest.
Erron watched Y/n as she turned around and rushed to different shelves in her home, grabbing different ingredients and bringing them to the kitchen. The concentration on her face while she pulled out a pot and put it on the stove and then went to the fridge and pulled out various liquids and poured them into the pot mesmerized Erron. He couldn’t take his eyes off her while he tried to take his vest off with the least amount of pain.
He watched as Y/n came back to take his water glass and bring it back to the kitchen. She dumped the contents and then went to the freezer and put some ice in the glass. Then she went to a shelf on the wall, grabbed a bottle of brown liquid and poured some in the glass, then walked back to Erron and gave it to him.
“What’s this now?” He asked apprehensively. Y/n chuckled again.
“Whisky.” She said matter of factly. Erron smiled and tipped his head in thanks as he took the glass taking a sip of the drink. And damn, it was good whisky. He spent the next while watching Y/n work in pure admiration and adoration. When she came to him with some pieces of cloth and a pot full of a brown paste and sat down on the floor in front of him, his pulse what sky rocketing. He tried to sit up but Y/n put her hand on his bare chest to push him back down. The touch of her skin against his had Erron’s breaths coming uneasy. He swallowed harshly, and he hoped that she didn’t hear it. But when she looked into his eyes as he did it he knew she did.
Y/n took a deep breath, “Okay,” She started, "It’s going to tingle. It might sting a bit initially, but if it gets really bad let me know and ill rinse it off, alright?” She said, looking very concerned at him. Erron was not used to people looking at him like that. He could tell that Y/n genuinely cared about him, and he couldn’t even remember the last time that someone genuinely cared about him. He didn’t want to, but he admitted to himself that it was a feeling he liked and well…missed. All Erron could do was nod his understanding and Y/n started to work on him. She put a piece of cloth over the entry and exit wound on his side before starting to slather the paste on top of the cloth.
“Why don’t you just put the stuff on my skin?” Erron asked.
“Because it would sting like a mother fucker.” Y/n put in plain words, smiling at him. He smiled back. She put another piece of cloth on top of the paste. Y/n sat up onto the couch beside him and got Erron to sit up so that she could wrap a gauze around his waist to keep the medicine in place. But before she could stand up and walk away, Erron thought, ‘To hell with it’.’ And he put a hand on her cheek and he pulled her to his lips where he was able to give her a soft kiss.
To Erron’s happiness, Y/n received the kiss and started to kiss back. He put his other hand behind her back and she put one hand on his bare chest and the other on his cheek as well. They pulled each other closer to deepen the kiss. And just when Erron was starting to feel bliss, Y/n pulled and quickly stood up out of his grasp.
“I’m sorry.” She said quickly. He laughed.
“You apologize an awful lot for things that don’t need to be apologized for.” He chuckled at her.
“No, no I shouldn’t have kissed you.” She explained.
“Pretty sure I was the one who started it, Darlin’.” Erron clarified. He grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him. With a final tug she sat back down on the couch and he put his hand back against her head, threading his fingers through her hair as he tried to pull her back to him. She put her hands on his chest and pushed so that he couldn’t pull her any closer. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
Y/n licked her lips and the butterflies in Erron’s stomach erupted. She looked down sadly and then up at Erron is a crushed way and it made his heart crack open in pain. He put his other hand on her other cheek gently. “Tell me what’s wrong.” He urged in a soft voice.
“I don’t do casual.” Y/n blurted out and it took Erron aback for a second, giving her a surprised look. Then, cocking his head he gave her a questioning look.
“Who said I do?” he asked.
“I’m not your type.” She tried to laugh to show an uncaring attitude but the pain she was feeling bled through obviously.
Erron chuckled trying to lighten the mood a bit, “And what’s my type?” Y/n just shook her head and tried to look away from him. But he used his hand to tenderly bring her gaze back to him. He looked at her waiting for her to talk.
Y/n sighed, “You know…fierce, strong, fit … beautiful…” she described. Her eyes looking down defeated. Erron could see how little Y/n thought of herself and it broke his heart.
“Hey, little lady,” Erron started, pulling Y/n closer to him and resting his forehead on hers for a second. It made her look at him once more. He continued, “You just described yourself.”
Y/n laughed, "I'm none of those things. I mean look at me."
"I have been," Erron stated to Y/n's surprise. "For a while now." He moved his head so that they were seeing eye to eye. "And you know what I saw?"
Y/n's eyes were locked with his and she couldn't escape him. "I look at you and I see a woman who is fierce and strong and fit and beautiful - "
"Oh please. Don't lie to me just to get me in bed!" Y/n all but yelled at Erron. She ripped herself away from him and stood up. She started walking towards a door between the shelves on the wall, but Erron got up and followed.
"Y/n." He called after her.
"No!" She yelled as she turned around harshly glaring at him. "I'm not gonna indulge some lies about what I'm not for just -"
Erron got to Y/n and wrapped an arm around her to hold her close to him, and his other hand threaded through her hair so that he could pull her in for a passionate kiss. She didn't fight it. She kissed back. After a few moments, Erron pulled back.
"Sit down." He said with as much power as he could. Y/n, who was speechless after that kiss did as she was told and she sat down on her bed. Erron groaned and held his side as he followed and sat beside her. "Now," he started, looking at her and taking her hand. "Do you not trust me to keep you safe? Like I did on the way here? I took a bullet for ya."
Y/n looked at his bandages and then back at his face. She knew that it was true. She did trust him. All she could do was nod sadly.
"Then why can't you trust me with your heart?" He asked sincerely. Y/n's lip started to quiver and a single tear fell down her cheek. Erron reached up to wipe it away.
"But...but I - " Y/n started.
"You are gorgeous. You are strong. You are fierce." Erron interrupted and then planted a gentle kiss to Y/n's shaking lips. "But more importantly, you are generous. And you are kind. Qualities that I haven't seen so embedded in someone in my whole life." He brushed the hair away from her face and placed a soft hand on her cheek. "And I know I hardly deserve someone like you, but I sure would be honored and ecstatic if you'd give me a chance."
Erron had no idea where this was coming from. He had never been so sentimental in his life. But there was just something about this girl that made him lose his guard. She knocked down all of his walls. He was vulnerable with her. But that was okay, as long as she'd have him.
More tears were falling from Y/n's eyes now. She had that look she has while she thought again, and Erron reveled in it. After a moment she looked up at him with a scrutinizing glower, searching him for the lie that she was certain was there. But she found nothing but genuineness and earnestness. And at that she broke down and smiled at him. Erron smiled back and pulled her in for another kiss, just as passionate as the last. They were each other's now, and that's what mattered.
#mortal kombat x reader#mortal kombat#erron black#erron black x reader#erron black imagine#mortal kombat imagine
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