#ryan brenner x reader imagine
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I'm never getting tired of how you write Ben Barnes' characters especially the softies đ„°đ„°đ„°
Cute Alphabet : Ryan Brenner
Here are the answers to my cute alphabet for Ryan! Hope you like it, and thank you for requesting it :)
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#jackie and ryan#jackie and ryan imagine#ryan brenner#Ryan brenner imagine#Ryan brenner fic#ryan x reader#ryan brenner x reader#imagine#fanfic#writing#cute alphabet Ryan brenner#cute alphabet#1400 followers#celebration#event
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This angel.
Hi Dani! Oh this angel indeed. I love him oh so much... unfortunately he is not in for fun times in Part Six of Passing Through but uh... hereâs five anyway-Â
Shit. You followed immediately, the toes of your boots finding the heel prints of his in the snow. âRyan, w-â
He stopped suddenly, causing you to nearly run into him, and turned his head so that you could just make out the profile of his face in the glow of the streetlights. A puff of vapor came from his lips as he let out a breath, and you watched him curl his gloved hands into tight fists at his sides. His nose wrinkled as he sniffed, and for a few fleeting seconds you were afraid that he was just going to shake his head and keep walking.
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send me an ask with a character from my masterlist (you can specify the series if there is more than one for that character) and i will respond with 5 lines from a corresponding wip.
#friday fives#five line fridays#ryan brenner#ryan brenner x you#ryan brenner x reader imagine#passing through#thanks for playing!!#suchatinyinfinity#gosh i love him.
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The thief [Ben Barnes x Reader] - Requested
Title: The thief Pairing: Ben Barnes x Female!Reader Word count: 5.3k Published: 8 April 2021 Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore Warning: Food, Drinks Summary: Working as a âprop-girlâ beside Ben has its ups and downs. He is a blessing to work with and an amazing friend to be around, but having feelings for him quite often distracts you from work and makes it hard to focus. Especially when you have a little thief on your hand who keeps stealing your work, doubling your already frustrating problems. Request: [x]
âPlease please please write more Ben Barnes! I live for your Ben fics đ€© Something where Ben is cheeky maybe?â - Anonymous
Bingo: [x] [x]Â This is part of my Make me feel Bingo Card by @girl-next-door-writes and Band--psychos 1.5k Followers Bingo Card by @band--psycho
Square filled: Drunken Confession [ @girl-next-door-writes ]
Square filled:Â Follower Prompt [ @band--psycho ]
Ben Barnes and Characters Masterlist | Masterlists
Make me feel Bingo Masterlist | Real People Masterlist
Band--psychos 1.5k Followers Bingo Masterlist
If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, itâs completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3
Working behind the scenes of a movie set has always been what you dreamed of. You were never quite determined enough to be a director, a producer or a script writer, nor did you have the passion for it, but you certainly had an aesthetic view that just fit perfectly to find the right objects for particular scenes. Therefore, you became the prop-girl. Of course, you had an official title, property assistant to be exact, but seemingly everyone preferred the prop-girl title and after years of fighting it, you just gave in. That was the least of your problems after all.
The amount of effort put into all those blockbuster movies sometimes sucked your soul out. Considering the huge amount of work you have put in, you never really looked at it as a job. You loved what you were doing even if people sometimes looked down on you for being âjustâ the prop-girl. Even though you had some unpleasant encounters with some of Hollywoodâs sweethearts, it never discouraged you, because amongst all the rotten apples, there were always those that made you just a little happier, a little giddier, a little more excited about a new day.
There was a certain person who ticked all the boxes in brightening your day and you often caught yourself staring at him shamelessly. His positivity, refreshing personality and banter always caught you off guard and for mere seconds you even forgot to pay attention to the tasks you were supposed to be completing. You knew you were good at your job, hell you were one of the best, but seemingly Benâs presence set you back on quite a few occasions.
As you were watching him act out a scene along with his co-star Amber Rose Revah, you tried to focus on organising a dining table for his upcoming scene, but you just couldnât concentrate when Ben walked around the room half naked with only a towel covering the lower half of his body. No sane person could have paid attention to anything beside Ben. He walked across the set with a straight back, a wide and happy grin across his face, securely holding the top of his towel around his waist. Even if you wanted to look away, you couldnât have possibly forgotten the view. He wasnât just a great company, but a very handsome one to look at.
âProp-girl, that table wonât set itself,â you heard a grumpy voice from behind you and quickly started to set the cutleries and plates in an orderly fashion. Knowing you had to work quickly finally diverted your attention from Ben and the steamy scene about to happen. It wasnât their first time acting out their bedroom scene and each time it got even more heated. The director didnât seem to be happy with the outcome, so he kept pushing them to do it over and over again. As you arranged the fruits in a small wooden basket, you tried to forget the tiny little weight settling in your stomach, jealousy resurfacing within you. Knowing you had no right to be jealous as a mere friend, you always attempted to mask it.
As you finished setting the table, you walked back to the gigantic prop room and started searching for another set of objects for the same scene. Each day you arranged everything in an orderly fashion, but many of you worked on different scenes, so it was inevitably a mess most of the time and things were never where you left them. You heaved a heavy sigh, trying to calm yourself down, knowing it would take ages to find what you were looking for and a frustrated state would not help your case.
âHey, prop-girl, is the scene ready?â you heard the same grumpy voice again. It was your boss, Jerry who seemed to have a grudge against you even though you never talked back to him or went against his orders.
âNot yet, Iâm trying to find the cushions for the sofa,â you replied quickly, searching on the shelves, the floor, even in the bin bags that you used to store curtains, tablecloths and bedding sets. âAh, here,â you exclaimed excitedly as you rushed back to the set, arranging the cushions on the sofa and the armchair beside the table.
âNext time try to be quicker,â he groaned with a disgusted look on his face and left the room. You grimaced at the man, scrunching your nose, his behaviour irritating you each day just a little more.
âThatâs not very professional,â you heard a voice from behind you, making you jump. Placing a hand above your heart, you took deep breaths as you turned around to look at your unexpected visitor, although his voice already gave him away. However, this time, to your disappointment, he was wearing a shirt. âDid I scare you?â he asked with an innocent expression.
âNo, I just like jumping,â you retorted in a sarcastic manner, making him chuckle, revealing the little crinkles beside his dark irises.
âSorry, I meant to surprise you, not scare you,â he apologised with a sheepish smile, one that reassured you his apology was anything but genuine.
âYour face doesnât match your words,â you replied with a half-smile, knowing you couldnât be mad at him.
âAnd I thought I was a better actor,â he huffed in fake annoyance. âIâm a fraud,â he added with a grin. But then his expression changed to a more serious one and although he was wearing a smile, it didnât quite reach his eyes. âIâm curious. Why do you let him talk to you like that?â he asked, his smile completely disappearing.
âBenâ,â you sighed as you called his name. âitâs complicated,â you tried to avoid the subject, but he didnât seem to want to let it go just yet.
âYou donât have to argue, you could just tell him that the way he talks to you makes you uncomfortable,â you knew he just wanted to help, but even the thought of having a conversation with Jerry was tiring. Overthinking was one of your strongest personality traits and to get into a confrontational situation, you needed to mentally prepare, possibly practice different scenarios in which youâd act out what youâd say and how he could react. The simple thought of putting so much effort into such a small issue discouraged you already.
âItâs not that big of a deal. He is just grumpy,â you replied. âHonestly, I donât want to argue, and I know him, he has been my boss for months and itâs not the first time I am working with him. Sure, he is inconsiderate and fairly annoying, but he is good at his job, he is just not good at communication,â you added.
âThatâs not really an excuse, is it?â Ben asked with a frown. âHe is in a leading position. He should learn how to communicate, how to manage his people. Mood should not be an issue on a daily basis,â he groaned, dissatisfied by your logic.
âI love that you are so worried, but Iâm a big girl, Iâm quite sure I can take care of myself,â you offered him a reassuring smile and walked past him to finish the last touches in the room.
âA strong and independent woman,â he chuckled. âYou never fail to mention,â he added, making you let out a quiet snort. You could feel his eyes on you as you were moving around, taking care of the smallest little details, the angle of the napkins, the bows on the curtains, the corners of the cushions. As you finished the table, or so you thought you did, you frowned at the sight of the empty wooden basket in the middle of the table. You could clearly recall filing it up with fruits, but they were nowhere to be found.
âIâm telling you we have a thief in this place,â you huffed, throwing your hands in the air, earning a chuckle from Ben.
âWhatâs the problem?â he asked with a wide grin across his face, his happiness at your misfortune slightly irritating you.
âEach time I use real food as props, someone eats them. This is not a restaurant for godâs sake,â you whined as you headed back to the kitchen to pick up another batch of apples and pears. Ben followed you diligently as if he had no better things to do. You quickly halted and turned around, causing Ben to run into you. He got hold of your waist, steading both of you, before you could have fallen to the ground.
âWhy did you stop so abruptly?â he asked with a deep frown, his face ever so close to yours. For a moment you forgot how to talk, how to articulate not even a sentence, but a single word. Your heart was beating in your throat, your pulse rushed through your veins, whilst your chest decided to ignore all the air you so desperately tried to inhale in the slowest of pace. Quickly scolding yourself, you collected all your strength and opened your mouth to talk.
âWhy do you keep following me? Donât you have somewhere to be?â you asked, shaking your head with a suspicious smile, trying to mask how much his closeness affected you, whilst being curious about his intentions.
âNot right now,â he said as he stepped back, watching you, studying you, his gaze penetrating yours, making you slightly flustered. You could feel your cheeks heat up at his intense gaze, starting your heart off in an even quicker pace. Ben was anything but a good influence on your physical and mental health. If it wasnât your heart going mad for him, then your mind betrayed you.
âWell then find something,â you added, ruder than you wished you had. Trying to regain your self-control, you turned around and continued to walk towards the kitchen.
âI did,â he replied quickly as he started following you. âIâm assisting you,â he chuckled, earning a heavy sigh from you. As much as you enjoyed his company, his presence was anything but helpful when you were supposed to be concentrating on your work. You shook your head in a reply and as you arrived at the kitchen you picked up the fruits you needed and brought them back to the set, placing them where they were supposed to be before someone decided to stuff themselves with the props once again.
âBen?â you called out to him, earning a humming sound from him. âWould you mind not staring at me?â you asked as you turned around, leaning against the table with your arms folded in front of your chest.
âIâm not staring. Iâm observing,â he replied with a mischievous smirk.
âItâs the same thing,â you rolled your eyes, but you couldnât possibly hide the tiny smile in the corner of your lips. He certainly had a way with words and sometimes it made you feel as though you were losing against him in a battle. âPlease, just go and do something. You will have to film the next scene soon,â you added, begging him to give you some space to be able to concentrate on anything but him for a second.
âFine, I actually have to revise some of the scripts,â he grimaced, although you knew he loved practicing his lines, he loved his job after all.
âDo you want me to wait for you after you finish?â you asked and the wide, enthusiastic grin spreading across his face, made you return his expression. His smile was powerful and whenever he was happy it seemed to be affecting everyone around him, including you.
âSure, we will finish in a couple of hours,â he nodded and waved at you as he walked back to his trailer. It wasnât a rare event that you waited for one another and whilst you knew he only thought of it as friends hanging out, for you they meant more. Being with Ben felt like hope, even if deep down you knew you were to remain friends. It hurt, it often left you wondering how you would be able to get over him, but in the end, just being beside him made you the happiest you have ever felt, and you didnât want to lose that even if you had to stay just friends.
*
It was rather dark and chilly outside by the time Ben finished. As you looked at his trailer and his silhouette appeared from time to time behind the closed curtain of his window, you knew he was rushing to get ready. You knew that the shooting never finished in time, but you still waited, because even if you could only spend half an hour with him, it was more than worth it.
âIâm so sorry,â he apologised as he stepped out of his trailer, closing the door behind him. Half of his jacket was hanging on his side, whilst his other arm already slipped into the other sleeve. His hair was a mess and the belt of his trouser was undone. He was anything but ready to leave.
âI honestly donât mind waiting, especially when you look like a mess,â you giggled at his state.
âNot funny. I didnât expect to finish so late,â he replied as he slipped his arm into his sleeve and did his belt.
âItâs fine, donât worry,â you smiled gently, reassuring him that it was okay. âDo you want to grab something to eat?â you asked as you looked at your watch. âItâs only 10pm so we are not that late,â you added.
âSure, we can grab something. Maybe we could go to that little pub right beside your flat,â he suggested, and you nodded in agreement. You quite regularly visited that old Irish pub, loving the happy expression on Benâs face as he explained how much it reminded him of the proper English pubs he grew up around, making him nostalgic. At those times he always told you stories about his past, his childhood, his family and you could have watched endlessly as he drowned in the mass of stories with a cheerful smile and blushing cheeks. You always found it interesting that people barely recognised Ben, but you didnât mind, because at least you could have him all to yourself even if for just a couple of hours.
It didnât take you long to arrive at the pub, the taxi Ben called took you there in about 20 minutes. As soon as you stepped inside and took a table, sitting beside each other, you ordered a burger off the menu whilst Ben asked for a fish and chips. Of course, alcoholic beverages could not have been ignored in a pub nor did they stop coming. After the first beer came the second and after the second came the third, but as soon as you reached the 5th round, you couldnât possibly tell how many you had drank after. You felt tipsy, the pub seemed way too warm for your liking. The music was fairly loud as well, but Ben sat close enough for you to be able to hear him just fine. You have been joking about the silliest things, both of you clearly intoxicated, but daring not to admit your defeat.
âIâm not drunk,â he said, pointing at you with his index finger and a proud smirk across his face. âIâm just very happy,â he added to clarify his state.
âHappiness doesnât make your words slurred,â you retorted quickly, catching him off guard, chuckling at his surprised expression. He was searching for the right words, almost straining himself in the process, but he didnât seem to find them.
âWhatever,â he scoffed, but attempted to have a straight face, trying to maintain his pride.
âWe are both a bit tipsy, so you are not alone,â you admitted, trying to make him feel a little better, and according to the increasingly growing smile on his face, you seemed to have been successful.
âYou just admitted that you are tipsy,â he said with a proud grin. âBut I never did,â he chuckled triumphantly.
âYou little rascal,â you shook your head, but you had to admit that alcohol and Benâs closeness was anything but a good influence on your judgment.
âYou know, I was wondering about something,â Ben started, catching your attention and curiosity.
âYeah, what about?â you asked with a questioningly raised brow.
âWhy are you so bothered about someone stealing the prop food?â he asked, tilting his head to the side, making you frown. You expected any kind of subjects, but work in that moment. Although it wasnât unusual, thatâs what connected you in the first place.
âBecause they are basically eating up my work? Those props are there for a reason. We have a kitchen they can use if they wish to. I have hours of work in those tiny little details so someone stuffing themselves with my work is just frustrating,â you huffed, slightly annoyed at the thought of someone messing with you regardless of it being intentional or unintentional.
âIt really does frustrate you, doesnât it?â he asked as he took a swig of his beer.
âYes, itâs quite irritating. I just want to know who is doing this to me and why it is so necessary,â you grimaced as you joined Ben in emptying your bottle.
âHave you ever thought about the option that someone might eat your props for the sole purpose of getting your attention?â he asked, shrugging his shoulders.
âWhat do you mean?â you furrowed in confusion.
âI mean, maybe they want you to think about them,â he tried to clarify.
âHighly unlikely,â you replied with a scoff and disbelieving smile. âAnd how could I even think about someone whose identity I donât even know?â you asked, trying to argue his theory.
âMaybe itâs not the identity that they want you to think about, but just their existence. Maybe they like you, but they donât dare to reveal themselves because they donât want you to be disappointed or possibly, they donât want to ruin something. Maybe itâs a childish approach, but they might have thought if they told you that they liked you, it would ruin a friendship,â he said, nonchalantly sipping on his drink, but he didnât look at you, instead his eyes wandered around the place as if he had never seen it before.
âBen, do you know who it is?â you asked, being suspicious about his very detailed reply.
âHow would I know?â he asked with an innocent expression, making you feel even more curious about his monologue.
âWell, for one you were very detailed in your reply. Two, I just feel like you know more than I do,â you replied with a deep frown across your brows, feeling as though even the last drop of alcohol evaporated from your body.
âI just imagined what I would do if I was that mysterious thief,â he replied in a casual tone, but you just knew him enough to realise that his behaviour was more than unusual. You could have blamed it on the alcohol, his still slightly slurred speech and lack of attention were a sign of him being intoxicated, but there was just something bugging you about him.
âNah, you know something,â you added as you slipped closer to him in your booth, placing your hand on his arm, your eyes fixed on his, trying to get him to talk with a stern look across your face. Trying to seem serious, you wanted him to spill his secret. You were convinced that you had a firm stance and that Ben would give it up any time.
But he didnât. Instead he bursted out laughing and reached for your head, petting your hair with a sweet smile across his face. âYouâre adorable when you want something,â he chuckled.
âYouâre unbelievable,â you huffed, pouting.
âCome on, donât pout, it makes you even more adorable,â he laughed, his cheeks blushing as he watched your childishly sulking form.
âIâm a grown up woman, Iâm anything but adorable,â you retorted in an annoyed tone.
âThen you are cute,â he corrected himself.
âIâm not a child, Iâm not cute,â you huffed, feeling frustrated, crossing your arms in front of your chest, showing just how much you despised his adjectives. You sank into the leather seat, trying to hide away from the enjoyment he felt in treating you like a small child.
âWhat do you want me to call you then, huh?â he asked, but this time there was no smile on his face or a humorous tone in his voice. He looked serious, somewhat determined. âShould I call you sweet and kind?â he asked as he leaned closer. âOr would you prefer pretty? Maybe beautiful and charming?â he continued, instantly decreasing the gap between the two of you after each word. âOr stunning, is that it?â you gulped, feeling startled by the mere inches between you and Ben. You werenât sure what kind of game he played, but you have never seen him act like that before.
âIâ,â words didnât come, your brain gave up on you. There was just you and Benâs beautiful dark eyes, blushing cheeks, stubbly jaw and slightly pink lips only inches away from you. That gap he has left between the two of you felt like both physical pain and a life-line you held onto before you could have done something you knew you would have regretted.
âIâm just messing with you,â he chuckled lightly, somewhat awkward as he leaned back into his place, leaving you disappointed as you let out a heavy sigh. For a second you thought he wanted to kiss you, that he was so close because he felt what you did. But soon your foolish thoughts disappeared, realising just how silly they made you look. As if he would ever feel more than friendship, when he was surrounded by hundreds of beautiful women every single day. You knew comparing yourself to all those stunning people wasnât healthy, but by your train of thoughts they kept you humbled and down to earth.
âSorry, I didnât mean to make you feel uncomfortable,â he quickly added as he realised how awkward you seemed. Making him feel guilty was the last thing you wanted to do, so you quickly put on a fake smile and shook your head.
âNo, no, itâs completely fine,â you tried to reassure him. âI think we should go. We might have drank a bit too much and we have work tomorrow,â you tried to save yourself from further embarrassment.
âYeah, thatâs a good idea,â he said, quickly standing up, even stumbling slightly. âOh, that was unexpected,â he chuckled and even against the weird atmosphere, you could couldnât stop yourself from giggling at his clumsiness.
âI think that just shows how right I am, as always,â you grinned proudly, nudging his shoulder. He just shook his head and quickly asked for the bill. Before you could have even protested, he paid for the food and drinks already. Although you tried to scold him, he just shushed you and attacked your previous statement about how you were always right except when you werenât.
As you walked towards your flat, you hooked your arm with Benâs, just like you always did. It seemed strange at first, you still felt somewhat uncomfortable, but there was also some kind of a comfort in being so close to him even though he felt unreachable. However Ben was slightly distracted, he kept looking around as if searching for something or someone, but it was a rather quiet night.
âIs everything okay?â you asked with a suspicious gaze fixed on his handsome face. He halted and turned to you with a serious expression, one that clearly said he had something on his mind, something he wanted to say out loud, but he just couldnât find the words.
âI really need to tell you something, but Iâm not sure now is the right time,â he spoke finally, his words conflicting.
âWell, if you donât feel like telling me now, you can tell me tomorrow. We will meet anyway,â you added reassuringly, trying not to pressure him.
â I know,â he heaved a heavy sigh. âBut I have been keeping this in for so long, I really feel the need to say it, but at the same time Iâm also quite intoxicated which is messing with my head,â he explained and you werenât sure how to reply. You were of course curious and wanted to know what he wanted to tell you, but at the same time you didnât want to press him.
âI canât help you with that, Ben,â you replied. âIf you have something to tell me, itâs up to you, although you made me curious now,â you smiled sweetly, trying to lift the serious atmosphere brought up on your pair.
âYou know, you were curious why I knew so much about your little prop-thief, right? And I did say that I didnât know, but I wasnât telling you the truth,â he confessed, but you didnât know how to respond. There were so many questions in your head. Why would he lie? Who could it be? Why did they do it? But you werenât sure what to ask exactly. Luckily you didnât have to ask anything as Ben decided to continue his monologue. âI wanted to tell you who it was, but itâs not easy to talk about,â he sighed heavily, trying to collect the right words. âWhen you like someone, itâs hard to tell them, but even harder if you know that it could potentially ruin a friendship that you donât want to lose. Stealing prop foods or not, that was just a childish way to deal with it, but I thought even if you didnât know who I was, it would leave you curious and even without an identity I could occupy your thoughts. I thought it was better to remain friends than to ruin any connection we have had, but blame it on the alcohol or the fact that we spend so much time together recently, I just donât want to hide it anymore,â he cleared his throat awkwardly, waiting for a reply from you, but you were just stunned.
Your eyes widened at the realisation, your lips parted as though you were a gaping fish. âYou like me?â you asked as if his confession wasnât enough, you needed reassurance.
âYes, I do like you,â he admitted, playing with his short beard, awkwardly running his fingers through his already messy hair. He didnât dare to look at you, his eyes wandered around the street, focusing on anything but you in that moment, fearing to see rejection in your eyes and so he couldnât possibly see the slowly growing smile across your face.
âAnd what would you say if I said I have liked you too?â you asked with a cheeky grin on your face. Ben almost got a whiplash as he turned to you with a shocked expression, one that clearly showed your reply was anything, but expected.
âYou have?â he asked with an uncertain tone, but with a tiny smile in the corner of lips and a hidden enthusiasm.
âYes, for a while now actually,â you chuckled happily.
âYou havenât said anything,â he added questioningly.
âWell, youâre my friend and just like you, I didnât dare to ruin what we had. And if you havenât noticed, youâre a well-known actor, Ben, I couldnât possibly say anything. I didnât believe I had a chance beside all those beautiful actresses you are working withââ
âYou are beautiful,â he cut in quickly.
ââso, I stayed quiet and decided to remain a friend of yours,â you chuckled at his compliment, still feeling as though you were in a dream, as if it wasnât reality.
âI mean it. Youâre stunning, youâre funny, you are such a hard-working person. Itâs you that I like not them,â he added with a relieved smile.
âI have to admit, itâs hard to believe,â you chuckled awkwardly. âDo you maybe want to go up to my flat and talk there so we are not this exposed?â you asked quickly, not wanting to discuss your feelings in the middle of the dark street.
âOf course!â he replied and started leading you to your flat. You shook your head, feeling giddy in his presence, giving him a small peck on his cheek, earning a proud smile from him, one that was rather childish than manly, but if anything that made you even happier.
You were about a couple of streets away from your flat, but trying to contain the wide grin from appearing on your face seemed to be an even harder task than you wished to admit. Ben wasnât blind though, he could see the smile you fought hard against and he couldnât stop himself from mirroring your expression. He looked around, searching for paparazzi, but found none. Firmly holding onto your arm in his, he pulled you into a small ally, with a playful grin across his face. You squeaked in surprise as you felt the pulling force from Ben and seconds later the cold wall behind your back.
âWhy are you trying to hide your smile?â he asked with a playful chuckle.
âIâm not, itâs just hard to believe,â you replied, still feeling uncertain about the situation.
âMaybe if you let me kiss you, that would make it easier for you to believe,â he leaned closer, running his tongue across his bottom lip. That simple movement left you breathless as you swallowed hard, and your gaze seemed to remain on his lips. But as much as you wished Ben to lean closer, he kept the distance. You wanted to nod, say yes, let out any kind of embarrassing noise of approval, but you found any kind of interaction impossible.
Instead, you grabbed his belt and pulled him closer, standing up on your tiptoes, capturing his lips with yours. For a moment Ben was caught off guard, he didnât expect your reaction, but he didnât need long to return the kiss just as hungrily as you did in the first place.
You have dreamt of kissing him, wrapping your arms around his neck, whilst his hands drew random circles on your back, but your dreams were nothing compared to reality. Benâs hold on your waist was firm, but still gentle and his lips against yours felt as though they belonged to you. You couldnât explain the weakness in your knees, the butterflies in your tummy or the complete emptiness in your mind. There was just Ben and you in that moment and you would have given anything for it to stay like that. But air was something of necessity and when you parted, Ben leaned his forehead against yours matching the rhythm of your heavy breathing.
âThat, I think, made it more believable,â Ben spoke up first, making you giggle.
âA few more and it will,â you replied in the same playful manner. âOn a side note though, before we go anywhere, you have to promise me that you stop eating my props,â you added, your tone scolding, but humorous.
âIfâ, I repeat if you kiss me like that every time I feel like stealing your props, then we can work out a deal,â he grinned proudly.
âThatâs blackmail, mister,â you exclaimed, but your smile gave you away.
âAnd what a good one,â he smirked, mentally patting his own shoulder. âIs that a deal then?â he asked.
âFine! But you better stay far away from my work,â you added in a mock seriousness, knowing even if he did try to steal again, you wouldnât be able to stay mad at him.
âI think I can manage that,â he chuckled before he closed the gap between you, indulging in the moment a bit longer, knowing both of you have been eagerly waiting to be close to each other.
Notes: If you enjoyed reading this little piece, please donât forget to leave a like, comment and/or reblog. Your opinion matters and gives us motivation. Thank you ^^
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Ben Barnes taglist: Taglist from now on is in a reblog.
#ben barnes x reader#ben barnes#girl next door's make me feel bingo#bandâpsychos bingo challenge#ben barnes imagine#ben barnes fanfiction#ben barnes oneshot#ben barnes x reader imagine#ben barnes x reader fanfiction#ben barnes x reader oneshot#ben barnes x yn#ben barnes x y/n#dorian gray x reader#caspian x reader#billy russo x reader#billy russo#darkling#benjamin greene#ryan brenner#logan delos x reader#dorian gray#logan delos#darkling x reader#aleksander morozova#nick tortano#caspian#prince caspian
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(My photo edit)
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Open Roads (WIP)
#ryan brenner#ryan brenner x reader#ryan brenner fanfiction#ryan brenner imagine#ryan brenner fanfic#jackie and ryan movie#ben barnes
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Again... reblogging because Ryan Brenner deserves it, and so does @its-my-little-dumpster-fire who took the time to create a true to character look into a single summer of Ryan Brennerâs life. I am behind on reblogging individual chapters, BUT... thereâs a TON here for you to digest... and let me just tell you that in this story, you get to read about Ryan working outdoors in the sun in the summer... and singing and playing in a large group of people... and being genuinely charming. Because thatâs what Ryan Brenner is, and I want more people to know it.Â
21st Century Gypsy Singinâ Lover Man
M A S T E R L I S T
â
When I kiss you goodnight || In the dark hours of the morning || And pack a guitar bag || And head on out the door || I know that you know that I really hate to leave you || But itâs that time again and I simply got to go
I was a wandering minstrel in a previous life || Now Iâm your 21st century || 21 century gypsy singinâ lover man
â
Ryan Brenner x Reader, after the events of Jackie and Ryan (2015)
May (one)
May (two)
June (one)
June (two)
July (one)
July (two)
July (three)
August
September
October
BONUS
Strip Scrabble- request
I Wrote Mr. Tambourine Man- lettering
Yeah, weâve got songs⊠ya wanna hear em?
#ryan brenner#ryan brenner x reader#ryan brenner x you#ryan brenner imagine#ryan brenner x you imagine#ryan brenner x reader imagine#ryan brenner story#ryan brenner x reader story#ben barnes ryan brenner#ben barnes character imagine#ben barnes character story#ryan brenner fic#ryan brenner x reader fic#i miss this story#my friends have talent#its my little dumpster fire#ryan brenner masterlist#21st century gypsy singin lover man#I LOVE THIS RYAN.
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Appalachia Adventures Masterlist - Complete
Summary:Â You live in a city where NASCAR rules because of the one-mile track. Itâs where you come to meet Georgie for the first time and fall in love with the mystery manâs voice on the album your friend gives you. And then you meet Ryan Brenner.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
#Ryan brenner#Ryan Brenner fanfiction#Ryan Brenner fic#Ryan Brenner x reader#Ryan Brenner x you#Ben Barnes fanfiction#Ryan Brenner imagine
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Day 1: Seven favorite fanfics
I started to read fanfiction about Ben only a short while ago - I can tell it was exactly the moment I fell in love with him, everything about him; his personality, his looks, his performances, the way he just is who he is. There is something extremely inspiring in him, and I totally understand the amount of fanfiction I found while scrolling through Tumblr looking for something to read. I found a lot of good writings.
Ever since Iâve read lots of fics, most of them during nights before sleeping. Iâm laying on my bed in darkness reading Ben Barnes fanfiction on Tumblr - what else could I wish for? All those people writig those fics have made me smile and cry and laugh and everything in between and itâs the best thing about being a part of a fandom.
It was nearly impossible to list only seven, and this order may not be exactly accurate. Iâm going to say something about every fic so that people know why it is on my list.
1. A Recipe For Love by @padfootagainÂ
Caspian X/Reader, 12 chapters
âYour life was quiet, working in the Royal Kitchens and craving for a chance to become a cook. But your whole world changes when your eyes meet the Kingâs gazeâŠâ
I instantly fell in love with this one. There was something magical in the first chapter that I read the second right after it and actually stayed up a bit too late. But I didnât mind. The story goes on smoothly and with a comfortable pace, the character of the reader is relatable, and Caspian is charming as always. Carole has the talent to write Caspian; her Caspian is in character and in humanly way full of flaws and she shows him as the man he is when he doesnât have his crown. Thatâs what I liked in this one: Caspian is written as the man he truly is, the man who knows and carries the weight of his responsibilities as the king of Narnia. But, at the same time, as a man who wants nothing more than to be with a girl he loves.
2. Lioness by @padfootagain
Caspian X/Reader, 6 chapters
âCaspian quickly understands that you are stronger than you look. But as his feelings grow for you, a threat spreads across Narnia as well, and your life is soon at stake. Will he be fast enough to save you? â
This caught my interest after I had finished all Caroleâs one shots about Caspian. I couldâve put any of those to this list, I loved them all. What I liked about this one was how strong the character of the reader is. She knows how to use a sword and is not afraid to use it but she isnât a cold character. As someone who would like to be someone who fights and takes care of herself (in short: I wouldnât like to be a lady, a princess or anything like that, no. Iâd rather be an outlaw, for instance. Quite a hard choice but I wouldnât be able to live my life as a princess. Or then again, I could be the one who learns to fight and take care of herself. My dream is to be a Ranger of the North), I could relate to the character quite well and was able to imagine myself in her place. This series was exciting, it got me when bad things started to happen but I wasnât able to stop smiling. And I cried during the last chapter. It was far too beautiful.
3. The Flue In the Summer by @padfootagain
Ben Barnes/Reader, a one shot
âWhen you come home sick, Ben is here to make sure that you will soon feel better.â
Iâm the one who gets sick once during every winter, spring and fall, sometimes even summer. I catch a cold far too easily. (Hell, I think Iâm going to be sick soon, my nose is weird...) So this was fun to read haha! Can I call Ben already to get ready for nursing me? Iâd need someone like him to take care of me when Iâm sick. This one shot is totally the cutest and fluffiest thing ever! When someone is in desperate need for fluff, this should be their go to fic because fluff guaranteed!
4. What's The Coffee For Today? by @that-bwitchâ
Ben Barnes/Reader, a one shot
Iâm a romantic even if I donât always sound or seem like one. I like pretty things, happy things. And this was both. I also love coffee shops more than anything; if I lived in the city, I probably wouldn't do anything else, you'd meet me there every day. I've always dreamed of writing in a coffee shop but have never actually found one that was quiet enough. This, I could hear all the sounds and smell the coffee when I read this, I heard Ben's voice and saw his face. I imagined my favorite coffee shop here. But I love the ending. It left a long-lasting smile to my face. I surely will change my attitude towards coffee now haha!
5. Song For Tomorrows by @padfootagain
Ryan Brenner/Reader, a one shot
âRyan is ready to stay for you, but this is Dangerous for your heart, and you prefer to let him go. But reading the song he wrote for you most definitely affects you.â
Ryan has a special place in my heart (Iâll probably write about this for another day). Finding fanfiction of him made me more than happy. This is actually the first fic I ever read about Ben Barnes and I can say, there is no turning back. There is everything a fic needs to have to make me cry. This is beautiful, this is sad, this is touching... I simply love this piece.
6. Show Me by @banditthewriter
Billy Russo/Reader, a one shot, contains smut
There was something in this one that caught me. It was probably this softer Billy. I love to see this side of him in fanfiction. In this one it is quite visible, he is willing to focus on the character of the reader, not himself. If I had a man like Billy, he would totally destroy me for everyone else. Iâd be a goner. And definitely this softer side of him - although, I think Iâd somehow get along with that one we see in The Punisher. I get along with strande kind of people. But yes, there is something in this piece, something about Billy in this one. I love him in this.
7. Scary Love by @hxbbitâ
Billy Russo/Reader, 5 chapters, contains smut
This was one of the first Billy Russo fanfics I read. I feel like he is quite in character in this (itâs still hard for me to accept the fact that Billy is completely bad, even being a psychopath he is). I think there can still be a soft side of him, he has just hidden it under many layers of armor. And being one of the first ones, this makes me feel like I get the feeling back, the feeling I had about this character when I read this fic. Iâm not gonna lie: I love Billy Russo, even though I probably should hate him. He is far too psychological and has an interesting backstory. All of that is visible in this story. This is also very beautiful in a quite tragic way.
â
Iâve read so many good fics that all of them shouldâve gotten a mention. Had to leave so many good ones out of the list but there they still are, in my heart and I go back to them quite often. Thank you, writers, for your amazing fics! Continue writing, itâs visible that youâre enjoying it. Lots of love, everyone â€ïž
Happy Ben Barnes week!
@benbarnesweek
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Just a Place - Part 11
Pairing: Ryan Brenner x Reader
Word Count: 8,570
Rating: M (language, implied zest, a terrible human being)
Summary: Continuing your coffee âdateâ with Jackie, you start to shift your way of thinking about the woman, about Ryan, and about yourself. And during a night out with Ginny, a lot more becomes clear for Ryan, too.Â
Authorâs Note: Picked this because most of you said you wanted option 2 from the sneaks. Thinking about it, this story is winding down... which Iâm excited about, but also very sad about. Enjoy.Â
Your POVÂ
 Youâd thought something was up when Jackie had still been wearing her scarf and coat inside the coffee shop, though it looked like sheâd been there for a while, but it hadnât been until she stood that you saw what the woman had been hiding. Sheâs pregnant. Like⊠really pregnant. You felt your eyes widen, but you didnât say anything, hearing Ryanâs quiet exclamation from next to you as his hands flattened on the tabletop after Jackie retreated. âSheâs⊠pregnant.â He sounded like he was in disbelief, and you wondered for a minute if it was because he was upset, but when you finally turned your head to look at him, you found him staring at you, a wide grin on his face - the one that forced his cheeks round and narrowed his eyes. What? âI canât believe her, sheâŠâÂ
 âRyan, are you alright?â Your voice was thin, but he nodded, leaning in and kissing you without warning, his lips soft against yours, one hand resting against your cheek. âRy, you -â
 âOh, Iâm great.â He kissed you again, this time much more quickly and took a deep breath. âThis is all I needed to be ⊠God, sheâŠâ He laughed, head moving back and forth before he brought a hand up to run it through his hair. âShe is unbelievable, waited until you walked away to try andâŠâ Ryan ran his tongue along his lower lip, still staring at you. âGoddamn.â A truly speechless Ryan was something that you werenât too familiar with, but as you watched him, you got the feeling that his inability to form words wasnât because he was flustered - it was because he was trying to say things to you in a way that would comfort you. I get it, Ryan. I didnât before but IâŠÂ
 You hadnât wanted to give Ryan a chance to talk to Jackie alone, but you knew that heâd needed it, no matter what he said to you or how it made you feel to think of them speaking candidly to each other. Thereâd been something uninfished between them, and with you sitting there, it never would have come up. But she said something to him, and now⊠You watched as he slid his hand across the table and took yours, squeezing the tips of your fingers tightly. Say something. âYou should try a muffin, Ryan, the girl at the counter saidâŠâÂ
 âI love you.â He interrupted you, leaning toward you and locking eyes, the expression in his serious - but still warm. âI know this has been hard for you, but I hope that you know that⊠that I⊠itâll always be you.â Sucking in a breath, you widened your eyes, opening your mouth to respond, but were interrupted by the return of the blonde woman, Ryan leaning back into his chair but not letting go of your hand. I do. Sometimes itâs hard toâŠÂ
 âSorry about that, itâs like I have to pee everyâŠâ She talked quickly as she sat back down, getting comfortable on the bench, her eyes focusing on your hands briefly before they moved back to the plate of baked goods. âNot that youâd know because you donât have kids, butâŠâ Jackie shrugged, reaching for the cinnamon bread on the tray and picking it up, her eyes dropping back to where your hands were joined on the tabletop. âSo what were we talking about? How long are you in Ogden for?â She chewed thoughtfully, and you watched her, waiting. Sheâs asking him, not me. She doesnât care what I say.Â
 âLeavinâ tomorrow night, I think. Maybe the morninâ after.â Ryan reached out, picking up a muffin, slowly peeling the paper from the bottom of it. âMeetinâ Ginny tonight, going out with her and thatâs the last of the things weâve got planned here.â Jackie nodded as Ryan finally let go of your hand, reaching into his pocket for his phone as he took a big bite, chewing. âDamn, thatâs good.â He stared down at the screen in his hand and then sighed, turning his head slightly to look at you. âI gotta go call Ginny, actually. Iâll be right back?â No, donât leave me with her, I donât âŠ
 âThatâs fine, Ryan.â He stood as he pressed the button to dial, and you followed him with your gaze as he walked across the restaurant to the waiting area and then into the lobby, taking a seat on one of the benches, phone held to his ear.Â
 âSo Ryan told you about me? About...us?â You reached up and rubbed at the bridge of your nose, closing your eyes as Jackieâs words interrupted your thoughts. Here we go. âHow we knew each othe-â
 âHe did.â You decided to go with friendliness, at least to start. âIâve heard all about you, Jackie.â Well, mostly friendly.Â
 âWe were close. You must have so many questions for me, since⊠well, since Ryan and I -â
 âNot really.â You reached out, taking a blueberry mini muffin and popping the whole thing into your mouth. She frowned, watching you chew, and when you were done, you continued. âHe told me everything I needed to know.â And a bunch that I didnât want to know. âThe second night we knew each other, heâŠâ Are you really going to do this? You stared at Jackie, watching her watch you, and took a deep breath. Yes. âHe⊠we got caught in a storm in Vegas, and he ended up in my room to wait it out, and we talked. We talked a lot, and you came up because he tried toâŠâ You trailed off, your mind going back to the way youâd wanted him to kiss you more than anything that night, the way heâd seemed almost embarrassed to tell you about Jackie after jumping up from the bed and going into the bathroom, the feeling of his lips against yours for the first time. âI knew about you before he kissed me once, Jackie.âÂ
 âWhat?â She sounded incredulous, and you held back a laugh at the look in her eyes. âHe talked about me and then kissed you?â The blonde laughed, head shaking back and forth. âHowâd that fe-â
 âHe didnât owe me anything, Jackie. Weâd known each other for 24 hours at that point, and had only had a couple real conversations, but he still thought it was important to tell me about himself and his life and his past before we⊠before anything happened.â You chewed on your lip. âHe didnât need to bring you up, but he did. He could have just âŠ.â You waved your hand in the air. âJust done whatever with me in Vegas, one night, nothing more, but he didnât.â You leaned in toward her, tapping your fingertips on the table. âHe told me about you for the same reason he left you in the first place - Ryanâs not a liar, and heâs not going to force himself to do something or say something if his heartâs not in it. And heâs not going to take advantage of someone because of a feeling.â Were there feelings then?  âHe didnât want to be here and be what you wanted him to be, because it wasnât him.â She stared at you, still silent. âI think he cared about you, Jackie. And he definitely cared about Lia, but you⊠youâre holding on to something that doesnât⊠itâs not possible anymore.â
 âYou think you know me from what heâs said.â Her eyes narrowed and Jackie reached up, pushing her hair back from her forehead. âBut you donât know anything about what Ryan and I-â
 âYouâre married, Jackie. Youâre pregnant. You called Ryan and wanted him to tell you not to marry this guy, and then when he wouldnât play your game, you went through with it, andâŠâ You paused. âI know what itâs like to lose Ryan, and I know that itâs miserable. But he gave you a chance to be happy, to have a family, something he was never going to give you, and here you are, years later, still trying to⊠get him back?â She jumped as if youâd startled her, her eyes widening. No one talks to you this way, do they?  âWhy would you want to be with someone that couldnât give you what you wanted most?â Youâd started the day very close to outright hating the woman, but as you sat in front of her, you were more irritated at the way she was so obviously still pining for Ryan though sheâd chosen another life for herself - going all in on her second marriage. As much as she can, anyway. âHe loves me, Jackie. And heâs happy, and⊠so am I.âÂ
 âHe loved me too, or he wouldnât have come back, wouldnât have told me he wanted toâŠâ Jackie swallowed. âThat guitar, it was supposed to ⊠we⊠I thoughtâŠâ Her lips pressed together. âHe was supposed to -â
 âThatâs the thing, Jackie. Ryan wasnât supposed to do anything for you, or for anyone else. Thatâs not how it works.â You took a drink from your mug, steadying yourself. âYou canât guilt someone into doing something, or bribe them or force them, because if you do, itâs not gonna end how you want it to.â You sighed, deciding again to be honest with her after looking and seeing that Ryan was still on the phone, a wide grin on his face. âLeaving him to go to that airport in Vegas was hard, and Iâd only known him for a few days. We were still basically strangers, and we hadnât... Not telling him how I felt when we talked after that was⊠it was worse, but I still didnât do it, because it wouldnât have been fair to him to expect him to choose me.â Like you did.
 âYou donât know -â Her lip curled, eyes flashing. Oh, but I do.Â
 âI do know, Jackie, and the sooner you understand that, the better. This is it. He agreed to see you today because thatâs who he is, but it wonât happen again, and you know it. Did you think that him seeing you like this was going to make him realize that he wanted to stay? That he wanted to step in again andâŠâ Be with you? Are you delusional? âThat heâd leave me? That heâd ⊠encourage you to leave your husband? Ryan? This isnât a game, and itâs not a competition.â It never was. You realized it was true as soon as the words left your mouth, but tried not to let it show. Iâve been thinking that I have to compete with her, and itâs never been⊠âShit.â You whispered the word, looking down.Â
 âI could have given him⊠we could have beenâŠâ Her voice was thin and you heard it waver, but you hadnât had a chance to reply before she spoke again. âI wanted to. I tried to tell him that I just needed to have him try to understand what I âŠâ
 âYou shouldnât have to ask someone something like that, Jackie. Itâs not real then, and with Ryan, itâs⊠it has to be real, otherwise thereâs no point.â You broke off a piece of a scone, chewing on it. âI thought Iâd hate you, you know that? I thought that⊠all this time, that meeting you would be like meeting an enemy or someone that Iâd have to worry about even though he told me that that was crazy.â Eyes closing, you laughed. âBut I was wrong.â You swore under your breath again, and when you looked back at the woman, you saw that she looked almost distraught, the meaning behind your words sinking in. âYouâre not a th-â
 âHey, sorry about that.â Ryanâs voice startled you, and you turned your head, feeling his fingers closing around your shoulder. âGinny started talkinâ andâŠ. Everything alright here?â Looking up, you saw a questioning look in his eyes, nodding at him without pause. Iâm fine, Ryan. But sheâs not.
 âYeah, we were just talking about you, Ry.â Ryan rolled his eyes but sat down next to you, Jackie staying quiet on the other side of the table. âIs Ginny still coming over tonight?âÂ
 âShe is. I told her she could stay in the second bedroom anâ just go home tomorrow, that way we can spend more -â
 âWhere are you guys going?â Jackie recovered and you fought back an eye roll of your own, looking away from Ryan and back at the woman. âOut downtown, or?â What, so you can show up?
 âGinnyâs cominâ to our place and weâre gonna record somethinâ, and then go out to celebrate.â Ryanâs arm was around the back of your chair, something you were sure that the other woman hadnât missed. âMight be the last time that I see Ginny for a while, and if sheâs going to be playinâ Southbound with me, I think -â
 âSouthbound? You mean my song? The one I -â Jackie sounded both excited and angry, but you didnât say anything, waiting to see what Ryanâs response would be. âThe one we wrote together? Why is she going toâŠâÂ
 âItâs not about you, Jackie. I was wrong.â His words simple and straight to the point, Ryan sighed, shoulders straight. âThought it was about you at first, but itâs not, itâs about Ginny and⊠and Cowboy, anâ what they mean to me.â You watched the light leave her eyes, Jackieâs palms curved around her mug. âSo havinâ her sing it with me makes sense.â Jackie stayed silent, raising her mug to her lips but not drinking, her eyes focused on the table in front of her. âLook, Jackie, I -â Ryanâs tone was soft, even for him, but it didnât concern you the way it would have previously. âThe first time I was here, when we met, it was a real confusing time for me, and for you.â You looked over at him, watching as Ryan used his free hand to rub at one bearded cheek.Â
 âIt was. Especially with Wes and my mom and having to explain things to Lia.â She set the mug down, her eyes trained on Ryanâs face, left hand resting on the tabletop. âWeâd only been here a little while, but you know that, you... â Jackieâs eyes were glistening, head shaking back and forth as she pressed her lips together. âYou helped so much, Ryan. Not just with the roof or the truck or the house or⊠you being here was what we needed.â As she spoke, one of her hands moved to her stomach, and though you couldnât see it beneath the table, you could tell that she was moving her hand in a circle over it, cradling the bump. âWhat I needed, even now.â Youâve got to be kidding me.
 âNo, itâs not.â Ryanâs voice was still quiet, and even though he didnât remove his arm from around your shoulders, his palm slid over, resting at the center of your back as he leaned forward, reaching out to lay his other hand over Jackieâs and squeezing it gently. âYou needed - need - someone to love you, Jackie. And that wasnât ever gonna be me, but I donât think⊠I donât think you get that yet.â You were proud of him for being honest, proud of him for telling her exactly what he felt. He was closing the door for the last time, like youâd suggested, and you knew without a doubt that unless you brought her up or someone else did, Ryan wouldnât ever mention Jackie again in front of you after you left the cafe. Good. This is⊠this is good.Â
 The woman stayed quiet, watching Ryanâs hand atop hers intently, and you saw her lower lip quiver, mentally preparing yourself for her tears. Itâs not going to work. You wanted to speak but didnât want to interrupt their moment - maybe their last meaningful moment - and so you didnât, instead waiting. âYouâre so sure, Ryan.â She looked up, slowly, and for a moment you saw her how heâd likely seen her in the beginning - vulnerable, looking for support, earnest. âHow can you be so sure you didnât...donât...?â You felt Ryan take a deep breath, tightening his hand on hers once more before he pulled it away and gestured toward you.Â
 âBecause, Jackie, if I was supposed to come back here anâ be with you, I wouldnât feel the way I do about her.â Ryan paused and you felt your heart thump in your chest at his words. âYou need to let me go. Let go of a couple months four years ago and focus on what you got now - right now - in front of you.â He straightened up, taking a deep breath. âDonât screw up a chance for yourself to be happy by thinkinâ of me.â He let out the breath, and you finally looked at him, seeing resolve on his face. âWeâre gonna go now, because I donât⊠I donât know what else there is to say.â Oh. The other woman kept quiet, even as Ryan stood, pulling his coat back on. âI hope youâre happy, Jackie. You were always a real good mom, and so I hope⊠thatâs true for that little one, too.âÂ
 There was sincerity in his voice, and you finally stood up, sliding your arms back into your coat and zipping it quickly, Jackie still silent. She wonât let him have the final word, thereâs no way. But as you waited a few seconds, the silence stretched. Maybe Iâm wr- âYouâre giving up on a good thing, Ryan, a really good thing.â She looked back up at him, but she wasnât crying - there was resolve on her face. âYouâll regret it someday.â Ryan sighed, the sound loud, even in the busy room, and you felt him shrug his shoulders next to you.Â
 âNot as much as youâd regret losinâ your husband to a memory.â He reached over, taking your hand, his fingers slipping smoothly between yours. âGoodbye, Jackie.âÂ
---Â
 Ryanâs POVÂ
 Midway through their practice session, Ryan heard a loud snap and felt an absence of one of the strings beneath his fingers. Shit. Virginia stopped playing and singing, her eyes on his hands. âBreak a string, Ry?â I did. He sighed, gripping the neck with one hand and using the other to rub at his face. âYou got a new set to change âem?âÂ
 âYeah, but that will put us behind, andâŠâ He sighed, closing his eyes. âIâm a little off, Ginny, Iâm sorry, I -â
 âJackie threw you off, Ry?â There was no judgement in her voice - only understanding, and Ryan nodded, opening his eyes again. âHowâd that go? She tell you sheâs -â
 âYou knew?â He set the guitar to the side, leaning in closer. âAbout the baby? About -â
 âI did.â Ginny shrugged, fingers idly plucking the strings of Cowboyâs guitar. âWasnât my place to tell you, but everyone in town knows. Her new husbandâs some hotshot doctor, Miriam introduced âem⊠and thatâs that.â Virginia shook her head. âI see her sometimes, in the store with Lia, she always says hi, asks about Henry⊠but Ryan, I can tell she always wanted to ask about you, even though the first time she did, I told her that I didnât know because we werenât talkinâ anymore.â That makes sense. âIt was a huge wedding, and everyone thought that she was pregnant then, because it happened so fast, butâŠâ Ginny shrugged again. âShe wasnât, but now she is, and I thought that she woulda been over you by now, you know?â The woman smiled, leaning over and pushing Ryanâs knee. âYouâre a good guy, but sheâs got everything she could ever want, so why would sheâŠâ
 It seems like it. Ryan shook his head, looking past Ginny and out the back door at the hot tub. âShe wonât let go, Ginny. I donât know how many times Iâve gotta tell her or show her that I donât⊠itâs over; she doesnât get it.â He frowned. âShe was all covered up when we got to the coffee place today, and then when things didnât go her way she took her coat off and stood up, like me seeinâ her belly was gonna change my mind.âÂ
 âSheâs always been dramatic.â Virginiaâs eyebrow was raised, her head cocked to the side. âNo surprise there.â No, none at all. âBut you said youâre off, Ryan? Is everything alright? Did -â Ginny gestured at the stairs, knowing you were up there in the shower. âShe handle it OK?âÂ
 âYeah, as well as ⊠I donno, she didnât really react. I think she got that all out of her system the other night when we argued, but Ginny, seeinâ her and Jackie in the same room?â Ryan shook his head, hair falling into his eyes as his fingers tightened around the neck of his guitar. If I canât be honest with Ginny, who can I be honest with? âI felt somethinâ for Jackie once, thereâs no point in trying to⊠ignore it.â The dark haired woman nodded, a thoughtful look on her face. âBut the way I felt then? It doesnât⊠thereâs no way to compare it to what I feel now, itâs not even close.â He took a deep breath, feeling his lip curl slightly. âEven before I found her again in that park, IâŠâ Ryan gestured toward the stairs, pausing. âIt was always more, it wasâŠâ
 âIt was real, Ryan. What you two have now is⊠itâs what Cowboy and IâŠâ She smiled sadly, swallowing. âWhen you know, you know, and Iâm lookinâ at you, and I see it. You know, she knows and Jackie knows, too. Sheâd be blind not to see it, even if she doesnât want to.â What? Whatâs she⊠âI never thought Iâd get to see you in love, Ryan Brenner, but now that I have?â Ginny reached out, squeezing Ryanâs knee. âI hope I never see you any other way again. It looks good on you.â He stared at his friend wordlessly, Ryan replaying her words in his mind, but before he spoke, Ginny beat him to it. âNow change those strings, Brenner, weâve got a song to record and then beers to drink.â He grinned, carefully setting the guitar down in the case and snapping it shut. Not gonna use this one, even though itâs the one I finished the song on.Â
 âGot a better idea, Ginny.â He stood, crossing the room and picking up the case your fatherâs guitar was in, carrying it back over to the couch and pulling the instrument out. âGonna play on this one.â Her eyes went wide at the sight of the guitarâs smooth surface, but Ginny didnât say anything, just nodded. âYou ready?â At her agreement, Ryan took a deep breath and began to pluck at the strings, relaxing with the familiar weight of the guitar on his lap. This is right. I donât need that guitar anymore.
 ---Â
 An hour later, the three of you were sitting in the living room, waiting for your car to arrive. Youâd ordered another ride so that you wouldnât have to worry about the amount you drank, and Ryan watched as you and Ginny laughed together, both of you looking at the screen of your phone. âHow long we gotta wait?â He finally spoke, waiting a few seconds for you to raise your eyes to meet his. When they did, he felt himself smiling, nose wrinkling even before you said anything.Â
 âFifteen minutes, Brenner.â You bit your lip, keeping eyes on him for a few more seconds, and then looked back down, returning to the conversation you were having with Ginny. Theyâre friends already, itâs like theyâve known each other for years. He watched you and then stood, walking back up the stairs and into the bedroom where heâd put the recorder when theyâd finished with it, picking it up before he sat on the edge of the bed and pressing play.Â
 The notes were familiar to him; heâd played them hundreds of times, the lyrics were permanently etched onto his mind - but the song hadnât ever sounded as good to him as it did when he was singing with Ginny, their voices joined together and making the familiar contents new again. Even that first time, with Georgie and the guys, it wasnât⊠wasnât like this. Ryan closed his eyes as he listened, fingers tightening around the small piece of equipment. Ginny took the lead, singing Ryanâs words as if sheâd written them, and though theyâd recorded three different takes, Ryan knew that the first one was the good one, the one that heâd go back to. It was my first real song, and itâs⊠itâs finally right. âHey.â He looked up from his hands, finding you standing in the doorway, arms crossed over your chest. âCarâs gonna be here in a few minutes, I wanted to make sure youâŠâÂ
 âWhich one you thinkâs best?â He held the recorder up, song still playing. âOf the three we -â
 âThe one you did first, Ryan.â You stepped into the room completely, dropping your hands to your sides. âGinny took over, she made that song hers, Iâve neve heard it that way before.â You were right, he knew, and as you sat next to him, leaning your head on his shoulder and humming along with the final bars of the song, Ryan closed his eyes. âHow about you?â He answered without pause, turning his head to kiss you as he pressed the button to stop the replay, letting the device fall from his hand onto the mattress.Â
 âSame one.â He sighed, both arms going around you. âItâs perfect, I didnât even know that it needed to sound any different âtil-â He stopped as he heard Ginny yelling up the stairs for the two of you. âGuess we gotta go.â He mumbled the words into your hair. âWe -â The womanâs voice called out again and both of you laughed, Ryan standing up and pulling you to your feet and into his chest. âLetâs go say goodbye to Ogden.âÂ
 ---Â
 The bar that Ginny chose - Brewskiâs - was busy, but the three of you had been able to get onto one of the pool tables, Ryan watching as the two of you played the first game, still laughing as you settled in, the balls clinking against each other and the sides of the table as you lined up and took your shots. He felt truly relaxed for the first time in days, and Ryanâs eyes wandered over the other people in the building, ears tuned both to the sound of your voice and the loud music coming from the TouchTunes machine next to the kitchen doors. Feels good to be here with them. He was perched on a stool, holding his beer glass in one hand,and Ryan found himself singing along as he swiveled his head back to your table, watching as Ginny sunk the last shot, dropping her cue on the table in victory. âCourse she won. You met Ryanâs eyes, grinning, and within a few seconds youâd stepped over to him, reaching up to put your arms around his neck. âWhat?âÂ
 âYou should have told me your friend knew how to play pool, Ryan Brenner.â You leaned in to speak into his ear, lips barely touching his skin. âShe knew she was gonna win that whole time, and so did you.â I did. He put both hands on your hips, spreading his knees apart so that you could step closer. âYour turn. She gonna beat you as bad as she beat me?â Probably. You kissed his cheek, pulling back so that you could look at him, and Ryan felt his heart thumping in his chest. I never thought Iâd be this comfortable in Ogden, never with⊠âGonna go get another round while you guys rack, want the same thing?â He nodded, feeling your forearms tighten against him, his hands sliding up your sides.Â
 âYeah. Now go, before I keep you here anâ we -â He bit down on his lower lip, eyes locked on yours. âGo.â You laughed, pulling away from Ryan and turning to walk toward the bar, and as soon as you disappeared into the crowd, Ryan stood, walking over to Ginny, who was watching him with an amused smile on her face, âWhat?â The dark haired woman looked away, gathering the balls and placing them quickly. âGinny.â Even over the sound of the music, Ryan knew that sheâd heard him. âCâmon, Gin. What are you thinking?âÂ
 âRyan.â Ginny finished what she was doing and then stepped toward him, reaching up to touch his cheek. âYou know what Iâm thinking.â No, I donât, actually, I ⊠âWhat are you waiting for, with her?â Ginnyâs eyes searched his, her lips pressed in a thin line. âWhy are you waiting?â Waiting? For what? He frowned and finally, Ginny laughed, gesturing toward the bar. âYou love her, she loves you, youâve been with her for longer than youâve been with anyone except me anâ Cowboy, so⊠what are you waiting for?â Ginny took a drink from her beer glass, draining the remaining liquid from it. âYouâre not gettinâ any younger, Ry.â What is she⊠He shook his head quickly, tongue poking into the center of his cheek.Â
 âGinny, what are -â
 âWhen you know, you know, Ryan.â His eyes moved down to Ginnyâs hand, the fingers still curled around her empty glass. âI knew. He knew.â Her eyes left his face, gaze moving downward. âWish weâd had more time, Ry.â She let the glass go, stepping back from him and Ryan watched as she twisted the simple gold band on her finger with her thumb. She means⊠His eyes widened. âI know you, know how stubborn you are, how⊠how much you think things over before you do âem.â I do. âYou donât need to think, Ryan. Not with this.â Ginny turned away from him, hands moving over the balls again, and when sheâd removed the frame from around them, picking up her cue, she turned back to face him, a knowing look in her eyes, visible even in the dim lighting. âNeither of you are goinâ anywhere, you should make it official.âÂ
 He sucked in a breath, the meaning behind her words sinking in. Official. âGinny, are you sayinâ that I should -â
 âYes.â She didnât say anything else, but Ryan could see the look in her eyes - certainty bordered with a sadness that he knew she felt on a daily basis. âI am. You should.â Wordlessly, Ryan turned away, picking up your discarded cue stick and feeling himself breathing harder. Is Ginny right? Is that what she wants? What I want? The realization that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you wasnât a new one, but for Ryan, the thought hadnât grown into anything more. Forever for Ryan simply meant being with you, next to you, being able to come home to you every day, but as he contemplated his friendâs words, he began to doubt that assessment of the term being enough. âRy?â He shook himself out of his thoughts and brought hs focus back to Ginny, who was leaning against the pool table. âI donât mean right now, but⊠what else are you lookinâ for? Because you two areâŠâ She sighed. âRemember when me anâ Cowboy got married in that little park in Cleveland? Right by the lake? Just you and me and him and that couple we used as witnesses?â He nodded. âWe didnât need to do it, but we wanted to because we needed each other, and we didnât wanna wait anymore, thatâs why it didnât matter where we did it, just that we ⊠did.â Ginnyâs eyes were filled with unshed tears. âWe shoulda done it sooner. He was it for me, and sheâs it for you, Brenner. Iâve never seen you look at another person the way you look at her, anâ maybe she doesnât need it either, but I think you might.âÂ
 âWhat are you sayinâ Ginny? I need to beâŠâ She stepped closer to him, reaching out to take Ryanâs free hand. âWhy would I need it if -â
 âCause youâve never had someone like her before. This - what youâve got now is what youâre used to, and yeah, a weddingâs just words, just paper, just a ring⊠but Ryan? You know damn well itâll feel different than that with her after.â It already does. She squeezed his hand. âThink about it. Bring it up to her, maybe. See what she says, but I know Iâm right.â Ginny cocked her head to the side, looking over his shoulder. âSheâs comin back, soâŠâ She stepped away Ryan turned, reaching out to take one of the three glasses from your hands.Â
 âThanks, thought I could carry all three, but that was harder than I thought.â He smiled at you, handing the beer heâd grabbed to Ginny and then waiting until you handed him his, raising the glass to his lips. âYou guys didnât start yet?âÂ
 âNah, we were talkinâ.â Ginny wiped at her mouth with one hand, swallowing. âYou know how this one gets, wonât ever shut up.â The three of you laughed at that and Ginny stepped back to the table, flexing her shoulders. âNow let me kick your ass, Ryan, so we can just sit down and drink.âÂ
 ---Â
 Ginny did win, but he put up more of a fight than you had, and as she triumphantly made her last shot, reaching out and dropping the stick onto the table, Ryan could only smile at his friend, seeing the excitement and happiness in her eyes. I miss seeinâ that. I hope sheâŠHe frowned at the thought of her words from earlier about Cowboy being it for her, and hoped that she didnât mean to stay alone for the rest of her life. But she doesnât need anyone else, she⊠sheâs got Henry and her family and⊠He knew that Ginny would never love someone else the way sheâd loved Cowboy, wouldnât ever let herself get so attached to any one thing aside from their son. But if thatâs what she wants, itâs what she should⊠âWant another round?â She cut into his thoughts, pushing on Ryanâs shoulder. âYou look like youâre thinkinâ about something serious, Ryan.â
 âI was justâŠâ He closed his eyes. Not your place, donât bring it up. âJust thinkinâ, Ginny.â She winked at him, and Ryan felt your arms go around his waist from behind, the weight of your body not far behind. âWhat are you doinâ?â You squeezed him and he turned to face you, careful not to hit you with his elbow as he moved. âAre you⊠are you drunk?â He laughed when he finally laid eyes on you, but you shook your head, wrinkling your nose.Â
 âNo. Iâve only had three beers, Brenner, Iâm -â
 âAnd we shared that pitcher.â Ginny spoke up from behind him and Ryan laughed as you drooped your head, sighing.Â
 âAlright, maybe Iâm a littleâŠâ You lifted your chin again, meeting his eyes. âTipsy. But youâve had just as much as me, and youâre ... â You trailed off as Ryan leaned down, pausing before he kissed you. âRyâŠâ
 âOh I am definitely a little drunk.â He pressed his lips to yours. âBeen nice to relax, yeah?â You nodded, pulling one arm away from him and raising your hand to his hair, Ryanâs eyes closing as the tips of your fingers touched his scalp. âBut Iâm good, havinâ a good time, so-â You kissed him hard, his exhale followed by a quiet groan as you tilted your head to the side, pulling on his hair. Oh, thatâs what you want? Alright. Giving in to you - because it was exactly what he wanted - Ryan kissed you back, both arms wrapping around you to hold you close to him. When you pulled back to breathe, Ryan gave you a second and then pulled you back in, feeling the surprise in you as he continued the kiss, both hands pressed against your back. You hummed when that kiss ended, looking up at him with a slightly dazed look on your eyes.Yeah. âThatâs enough.â He quickly wet his lips with his tongue, hands moving to your hips. âGotta stop, orâŠâ
 âOr what, Ryan?â But you stepped away, closing you eyes. âDonât answer that. You canât do anything about it, soâŠâ No, not here I canât. âOne more then we should go?â You looked at Ginny and so did Ryan, both of them nodding at you. âIâll go get it, Iâve got a tab open.â You slipped out of his arms fully, but not before you rose onto your tiptoes to kiss Ryanâs cheek, the tip of your nose brushing against the skin just beneath his eye. âBe right back.â He nodded once, hands falling back to his sides as you turned back to the bar. Shit. Ryanâs chest expanded as he took in a breath, watching you move. But after a few seconds, he turned back to see that Ginny was perched on her stool, one eyebrow raised as she stared at him. Yeah, Ginny. I know.Â
 ---Â
 The next morning, Ryan woke up to the sound of the water running in the bathroom, his eyes cracking open as he groped for his phone. Itâs already eleven? Jesus. He sat up, using the heels of his hands to wipe the sleep from his eyes and then stretched, feeling the muscles of his shoulders tense and then relax. âGood morning, Ry.â You emerged from the small room, wrapped only in a towel and Ryan moved without hesitation after seeing you, standing from the bed and pushing you backwards, his body pinning you against the wall as he hugged you. I want this. âRyan, what are you -â You laughed as he moved toward you, but the sound died on your lips as he reached you, kissing the side of your neck and then the top of your shoulder, not saying a word. âRyan, you -âÂ
 âShh.â He took a deep breath and then straightened up, meeting your eyes. âI just needed toâŠâ Ginnyâs right. Sheâs always right. His mouth back on your skin, you slid both hands up his bare back, staying quiet. âGood morning.â He knew his heart was hammering in his chest but Ryan didnât care, holding you close. âDo I have time to shower?âÂ
 âYeah, Ry.â You turned your head to press your cheek against his skin, Ryan feeling the vibration of your words throughout his body as you spoke. âGinnyâs still here, and we donât have to leave âtil five, so we have plenty of time.â You paused, and he heard the concern when you next spoke. âIs everything alright? Youâre ⊠you seem off, Ryan.â Just thinkinâ about you and me and what Ginny said andâŠÂ
 âYeah, Iâm fine, just wakinâ up, and seeinâ you walk out of a bathroom like this, itâŠâ It what? âNot used to seeinâ you like that in a place where our stuffâs not scattered everywhere or thereâs not ladders orâŠâÂ
 âThis is the last morning things will be like that for a while.â You removed yourself from his grip, adjusting the towel. âWe gotta start looking for another house, decide where weâre going to go nextâŠâ We do. He felt himself deflate at the thought, and for a few seconds, Ryan was confused. But nothingâs changing, thatâs been my life for years. âI have to answer emails about jobs, andâŠâ You smiled at him, running your fingers through your wet hair. âBack to normal, right?â Right. Normal. âIâll go start breakfast once Iâm dressed.â He nodded, stepping into the bathroom, and even though he heard you moving around as you got dressed and he turned the water back on, his mind was elsewhere.Â
 ---Â
 Your POV
 The three of you ate breakfast at the table, Ryan sitting next to Ginny, you across from him. Somethingâs different. Heâs⊠heâs got something on his mind, he⊠You couldnât place it, and Ryan was still just as engaged as heâd been previously with you and Ginny, but even as you chewed on your toast, you realized that heâd been different since youâd been in the bar the previous night. Wonder what happened. He and Ginny laughed together, the woman putting an arm around him and playfully pulling him close, and the sound that left his mouth warmed you from head to toe. I wish I could give him this all the time. You knew that was impossible - Ryan had no desire to live in Ogden and neither did you, and the rest of his friends were scattered across the country; Georgie and Fabienne and Alexander, Matt and Jack, Cliff, Charlie ⊠they were all over, and there was no way to keep him close to everyone at once. I donât know what to do. You took a deep breath, deciding to worry later, and just as you were ready to stand up to take the dishes to the sink, Ryan spoke. âGinny, is that music store still open? The one where my guitarâs from?âÂ
 âYeah, itâs still there, they actually give lessons now.â She handed you her plate, thanking you, and you grabbed Ryanâs too, moving over to the sink. âWhy? You stopping in before you guys leave?âÂ
 âGotta get new strings, thought I had a spare set, but the only ones Iâve got are the kind we use on the other guitar.â We? Iâve never personally changed the strings on that thing in my life. âFigured we could stop in on our way outta town.â They continued the conversation, and by the time that Ginny was ready to leave, the kitchen was spotless, all of the dishes drying in the rack and the food that you and Ryan had bought but couldnât take with you packed up into a carton for the woman. âDidnât want it to go to waste.â Ryan shrugged his shoulders. âAnd weâve got a while drivinâ, soâŠâÂ
 âI appreciate it, Ryan.â Ginny frowned for a second. âHate takinâ handouts, butâŠïżœïżœÂ
 âThatâs not what it is, Ginny.â You stepped closer, surprising yourself by interrupting. âWe bought too much, and itâs stupid to throw it away when you guysâll eat it.â She watched you, almost as if she was waiting for some sort of judgement, even though youâd never even hinted at it in the days youâd known her. âWould have given you everything, but someone wanted to keep the snacks.â Ryan scoffed next to you, and Ginny finally smiled again.Â
 âHe eats a lot, doesnât he?â She winked at him and then stepped closer to you, putting her arms around your neck without warning. âTake care of him,â she whispered in your ear as she hugged you fiercely. âHeâs like my little brother.â I know, Ginny. âDonât be a stranger, Ryan. Both of you, actually.â Ginny stepped over to him, reaching up to touch Ryanâs chest, one fingertip over his heart. âWe lost too much time. Donât do the same.â
 âI wonât, Gin.â He hugged her tightly, nearly crushing the woman to his chest, and you turned away, giving them a chance to say goodbye. Iâm glad we came. You heard him promise to email her the file of the recording once heâd made some changes to it and put it on the computer as you headed up the steps to finish packing your bags, and by the time Ryan made it up to you, you were nearly done. âYou shoulda waited.â He stepped next to you, one arm winding around your waist. âWoulda helped, you didnât -â
 âNah, you were saying goodbye, you guys needed a minute, itâs no big deal.â You finished folding your clothes, zipping the bag shut. âJust have to grab the coats and the guitars, and weâre good to go.â He kissed the side of your head, holding you for a few seconds, and when he let you go, you stared up at him. âEverything alright? Youâve been -âÂ
 âYes. Ginny and I just had a pretty⊠important conversation, and itâs made me think, and... â Ryan ran a hand through his hair. âNothinâ to worry about, I just wasnât⊠wasnât expectinâ it to make so much sense, and it threw me off.â His eyes moved over your face, the sunlight pouring in through the window and turning them into a brilliant, warm brown. I wish we had this all the time. âWhat?â You watched his eyes narrow, cheeks going round as he smiled. âWhy are you looking at me like that?â Shit.Â
 âI... â You shook your head, lowering your gaze back to the bag on the bed. I have him, thatâs enough. Doesnât matter what weâre doing. âI liked being here, Ryan. It wasnât an easy week, but it was nice to meet another one of your friends, nice to see another city you spent a lot of time in, itâŠâ He grabbed you again, spinning you to face him, hands settled against your hips. âIâm surprised.âÂ
 âSoâm I.â He leaned down, letting out a quiet sigh. âWas good to be back here, to see Ginny, really meet Henry.â He kissed you then, lips falling softly against yours and then pressing harder. âWas good to have you here with me.â Yeah, it was. âThank you for understandinâ everything.â You reached up, pushing the hair out of his eyes before you dropped your hand to his shoulder, squeezing it in response. âWe should go, I donât know how late that storeâs open, and I... â He trailed off. âI donât wanna risk it.â Itâs just strings, Ryan, you can get them anywhere. But you nodded, and only a few minutes later, the car was loaded up, Ryan sitting behind the wheel. âI liked this house, it was perfect.âÂ
 âYeah, I could see myself living in a place like that,â you replied quickly, eyes on the side of the building. âNot too big, but there was space. Plenty of room for us to be sepâŠâ Your eyes widened. âI just meantâŠâÂ
 âNo, itâs fine, I get it.â He turned the radio down, glancing over at you. âWeâre already livinâ together, just not⊠not anywhere permanent, right?â He didnât seem to want you to answer, and kept talking. âYou ever think about that? About what...our place would be like?â No. Yes. All the time. What do you want me to say?Â
 âWe donât ⊠that isnâtâŠâ Confused at his question, you turned in your seat to face him. âEverythingâs been short term, Ryan, the house in Charleston wasâŠâÂ
 âYeah, but if you⊠if⊠itâs not always gonna beâŠâ He was flustered, and you immediately felt bad, even though heâd been the one to bring it up.Â
 âIs that⊠do you think about it, Ryan?â Your lips stayed parted, eyes on his face. Is this what heâs been thinking about? âLiving somewhere?â The interior of the car was quiet as Ryan turned a corner, eyes on the road.Â
 âSometimes.â The honesty in his tone shocked you. That wasnât⊠thatâs not what weâŠâI figure youâll want to settle somewhere sometime. People always do, even if they donât stay, youâll want⊠more than this.â Do I? âWould be kinda nice to call someplace my own.â He sounded nervous to admit it, so you answered quickly, trying to comfort him.Â
 âYeah, itâd be a nice change to know exactly where all my stuff is⊠not just that some of itâs in Philly and someâs in Texas and some is in ColoradoâŠâ He laughed at that, and you reached over to touch his denim-clad knee. âWe can talk about that if you want, Ryan. Maybe start⊠start thinking about what it might look like?â Please donât overreact. Please donât⊠âTo st-â
 âOK.â He glanced at you. âWe should.â Are you serious? âBut first, letâs just go in here and getâŠâ He sighed, putting the car into park. âGet some strings.â Yeah.Â
 The shop was small, and you felt comfortable as soon as you were inside, eyes moving over the instruments that filled it, lingering on the wall of acoustic guitars. âThis is where yours came from, Ry?â He pulled one of them off the wall, his fingers drifting over the strings but not with any purpose or pressure. âWhen you were -â
 âYeah.â He looked around the room fondly, a half smile on his lips. âCame in here with Georgie the first afternoon I was in Ogden, anâ saw it. Didnât even have a price yet.â He put the guitar back, moving to the next. âPlayed it for a minute and it felt good in my hands.â Ryan paused, turning his head to look at you. âCame back a couple times that week, played it, and then was planninâ on buying it before I left for Portland if I could earn enough money and use my old Washburn as a trade in.â He shrugged, sitting down on a bench and putting the guitar he was holding over one knee. âAnd then Cowboy died, and things changed. Jackie⊠when I was leavinâ? She surprised me with it, bought it without me knowing, and I told her⊠I told her that Iâd make good music on it.âÂ
 âAnd you did, Ryan. You wrote so many things on it, played in so many places.â Itâs important to him. âItâs a good memory for you, You might -â
 âBut I wanted to buy it for myself, I didnât want⊠someone to give it to me. Wanted to earn it.â You knew what he meant - knew that Ryan valued feeling like heâd achieved something every time he met a goal that heâd set for himself. âAnâ Iâm grateful that she bought it for me, Iâd never had a new guitar before, and never one that nice, but⊠beinâ given something isnât the same as gettinâ it for yourself.â He strummed the guitar that he was holding, and you heard a few notes of the song heâd written for you, his tattooed fingers easily picking them out. âI-â
 âCan I help the two of you with something?â A middle aged woman approached, a smile plastered onto her face. âDo you need to see -â Ryan cleared his throat, immediately pausing his song.Â
 âNo, maâam, not right now. I got a guitar from here a couple years ago, and Iâll need some strings, but right now, Iâm just⊠playinâ.â She looked between the two of you, waiting, and then Ryan spoke again. âSign says you give lessons?âÂ
 âYes, we have some students that come in and take lessons each week, itâs a new thing that we offer.â She stepped over to the wall of guitars, adjusting the one that Ryan had previously held. âLots of interest, but a lot of the people here donât have guitars of their own, and weâve only got two of the loaners to use, so scheduling is hard.â She shrugged her shoulders. âWe make do, but-â Ryan turned his head to look at you, an unreadable expression in his eyes. What are you thinking?Â
 âIâveâŠâ You watched his jaw work, fingers tightening on the neck of the instrument he held. âMy guitarâs a couple years old, but itâs stillâŠâ He closed his eyes, inhaling. âIt needs a new set of strings, but I thinkâŠâ Ryan swallowed, eyes still on you. âIâd like to donate it.â What?Â
--- --- ---
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Just a Place - Part 10
Pairing: Ryan Brenner x Reader
Word Count: 7900
Rating: M (language, implied zest)
Summary:Â After a difficult run in, will you and Ryan talk it out, or has something changed between the two of you? And whatâs the next move?Â
Authorâs Note: Iâd apologize for how I end this chapter, but Iâm not sorry.Â
Ryanâs POV
 He watched you walk through the living room and out the back door, the towel wrapped tightly around your body. Sheâs real mad. You didnât look at him, but he didnât let his fingers falter, keeping the song going even after you closed the door behind you. I shouldnât have stopped. I should have⊠Ryan closed his eyes, fingers still moving over the strings, and felt his shoulders droop. The entire day had ben one misstep after another, from the conversation youâd had that morning to the way heâd zoned out in the museums, and finally to his reaction to seeing Jackie in person again. While he knew that you didnât blame him for any of it, because they were reactions, he still felt like heâd let you down. I told her Iâm in love with her and then seeinâ Jackie froze me on my boots. Heâd seen the hurt in your eyes, masked only by the surprise that filled them, and if he would have been able to speak, he would have told you that he felt the same - seeing Jackie with Lia and her husband hadnât bothered him, it had simply caught him off guard - much the same way that being back in Ogden had, bringing everything that he hadnât thought about in months back to the surface. But none of that matters..Â
 He finished the song he was playing and then without pausing, hs fingers started picking a familiar melody, jaw set as he remembered playing it on her porch, remembered her asking him to play more of it, remembered laying in bed with her and Jackie pointing out that the song was about her. Was it? Heâd finished it on his way northwest to Portland, sending her a message that it was done and it was about her, but as Ryan made it past the first verse, he narrowed his eyes before closing them completely, head shaking back and forth as the words poured out. It never was. I thought it was but it⊠He opened his eyes again as he made it to the end of the second verse, fingers slowing as they moved over the strings. Itâs not⊠itâs⊠Ryan squeezed the neck of your guitar tightly as he stopped playing, the sound trailing off. âIt was never about Jackie.â Ryan swallowed, setting the guitar down and reaching for his phone. âShit.âÂ
 It was after ten, meaning that he couldnât call Ginny, and Ryanâs fingers curled around the device, teeth digging into his lower lip. It wasnât about Jackie, because it was⊠He carefully slid your guitar back into the case and then stood, pacing around the room, one hand moving through his hair as his thoughts ran wild. That makes so much sense. So much sense, why didnât ... His eyes darted to the back windows, but he knew you still needed some time, and so he didnât run to the door, though it was all he wanted to do. He paced for a few more minutes, deep in thought, and then couldnât wait any longer, loping up the steps without pause and taking his clothes off, digging through his suitcase for his swim trunks off before wrapping a towel around his waist. Sheâs gotta let me in, right? He frowned but didnât stop, making his way back downstairs and out the door, seeing that you were facing away from the house, head tilted slightly upward to look at the stars.Â
 Ryan approached you slowly, taking a deep breath, and even though the cement was cold against his feet, he stopped and waited, saying your name quietly. You didnât respond for long moments, and when you turned your head toward him, Ryan saw that your cheeks were streaked with tears. Oh no. âCan I come in?â You stayed quiet, and when Ryan had decided you werenât going to, you nodded once, closing your eyes and turning your head away. Itâs a start. He dropped the towel, climbing into the hot tub and sitting opposite you, not knowing where to begin. Apologize. âIâm sorry.â You didnât move, but he saw you open your eyes, staring upward again. âI wasnât expectinâ to see her⊠to see them. Not like that.â He watched your fingers moving beneath the surface of the water, bubbles from the jet flowing through them. âI shoulda told you, when I thought I saw her, but I just figured⊠figured it was beinâ back here, that I wasnât really⊠but it was her, anâ sheâŠâ Ryan shifted, sitting up straight. âShe hasnât yet, but sheâs gonna reach out to me, probably through Liaâs account, or from her phone, orâŠâ Ryan reached up, using one hand to wet his hair, slicking it back. âShe definitely knows Iâm here now, and sheâŠâ
 âShe knows Iâm here, too, Ry.â You finally looked at him, but he again saw only the sadness he knew you were feeling in your stare. âShe still going to -â
 âYeah, she wonât care.â He swallowed. âShe wants somethinâ, sheâllâŠâ You scoffed, looking down at the swirling water.Â
 âDoes she still want you, Ryan Brenner?â He heard the contempt in your voice, something that was so out of character that it felt like heâd been punched in the stomach. I donât blame her, though. âDoes she... â He moved while you were still speaking, sliding onto the seat next to yours and bringing one hand out of the water and to your chin, gripping it gently and forcing you to look at him. Your words died on your lips, and Ryan shook his head firmly.Â
 âDonât care what she wants or who she wants, because I donât want her.â He pressed his lips together and waited, but you were too surprised to respond, so Ryan continued. âI want you.â Your eyes widened, but the look in them didnât change. âI shouldnât have to keep reminding you of that.â He sighed, reaching through the water with his free hand for one of yours. âBut I will, because you need to hear it.â He leaned in, resting his forehead against yours. âI shouldnât have stopped. I shouldnât have been spacinâ out today at the Station. I shoulda been focusing on you.âÂ
 âYeah.â Your voice almost too quiet to hear over the water, you finally spoke again. âYou -â Ryan tilted his head, lips finding yours, but he didnât try to prolong the kiss, knowing that it wasnât the right call. âRyan, what âŠâ
 âIâm sorry.â He kissed you again, quickly, his hand dropping from your chin to your shoulder, gripping your wet skin as he twined his fingers with yours beneath the waterâs surface. âI saw somethinâ on your face twice today that I ⊠I never wanna see again.â He inhaled, curling his lip as he pressed his forehead to yours again, knees resting against your thigh as he leaned in. ââAnâ I put it there.â Admitting it was the first step, but Ryan knew that it was the most important, and he needed you to know that he was serious. âThis place is⊠I thought it was about Jackie, but itâs not, and now âŠâ Ryan took a breath, hand moving back toward your neck, the tips of his fingers tightening at the base of it. âNow I know.âÂ
 The only sound was the bubbling of the water, and then Ryan heard you speak at the same time he felt you relax - slightly - under his touch. âKnow what?â He felt the warmth of your breath hit his cheek, the fingers on the hand he wasnât holding tentatively touching his ribs as the water swirled around them. âWhat do you know?â His heart thudding in his chest, Ryan sat up straight, waiting until you looked him in the eye to answer you.Â
 âSouthboundâs not about Jackie.â Your eyes flashed but you didnât look away. âItâs never been about Jackie, even though I thought it was.â Ryan swallowed and then took a deep breath. âItâs about Ginny and Cowboy, and it⊠thatâs why I couldnât finish it til I got here, til ⊠til I knew what happened to âim.â The same look of realization came over your face that heâd experienced, and Ryan watched as your eyebrows shot up, lips parting in surprise. âI⊠Iâm gonna sing it with Ginny before we leave.âÂ
 ---Â
 Your POVÂ
 Youâd heard the door open and shut, heard Ryanâs quiet footsteps as he crossed the patio, and yet you didnât reach up to wipe the tears from your face. No, let him see. Heâd spoken to you and you heard the sadness in his voice, the hesitation, and yet youâd agreed to let him get into the hot tub with you. Because youâre an idiot. But that wasnât it; it wasnât idiocy that drove you to give him permission, it was the fact that you knew that his behavior earlier in the day hadnât been the result of lingering feelings for Jackie or disinterest in you. In the time youâd known Ryan - nearly three years - youâd picked up on the fact that though he was road hardened, well-versed in tragedy and loss and struggle, he still felt everything, and often in a very different way than you would have expected. Ryan couldnât hide his emotions or his reactions, and you were the one that had suffered from it the most in that particular instance. And this is the worst possible outcome.Â
 Youâd also believed that during your time in Ogden, youâd run into the woman, but hadnât ever imagined it would be so out of nowhere, or that Ryanâs reaction would be as extreme. But it shouldnât surprise me, you thought as he started speaking, the sincerity in his voice unlike youâd ever heard before as he apologized. But you couldnât keep the bitterness out of your voice as you responded, the way the blondeâs eyes had slid from you to Ryan without pause fresh in your memory. Ryanâs movement toward you had taken you by surprise, though, the feeling of his fingers on your skin both welcome and enough to startle you, but the way he looked at you - along with his words - was enough to convince you that he was serious, and his touch grounded you, the gentle kisses full of meaning. Heâs telling me the truth, heâŠÂ
 Ryan didnât give you a chance to question him before continuing, and as he spoke you felt the truth in what he was saying, reaching out for him and tightening your fingers against his. The admission about Southbound stunned you, but it made sense. It wasnât a love song - it never had seemed like one to you in all the times youâd heard it - but Ryan finally giving a voice to the way the song made him feel, what it was really about and what he wanted to do with it put the whole day into perspective for you, along with the way that you looked at Ogden as a whole. Thatâs why he came back. His admission about wanting to sing the song with Ginny floored you, and after staring into Ryanâs eyes for a few seconds, you nodded, reaching up to touch his cheek, the droplets of water collecting on his beard. âIt wasnât about Ogden, Ry.â He shook his head. âIt was aboutâŠâ You rook a breath, eyes searching his face. âThem and the way theyâŠâ
 âTheyâre my family.â He leaned in again, thumb sweeping over the side of your throat. âThey were my only family for a while, anâ...â You watched as his shoulders shook, Ryanâs breath leaving his body in one long exhale. âNow Iâve got you.â He wet his lips, scooting closer, and you moved too, allowing him. âI just needed toâŠâ
 âIâm sorry I overreacted, Ryan.â Heâd apologized to you, and you felt the need to do the same - not because you were in the wrong, but because you needed Ryan to know that you werenât blaming him for his actions. It hurts but I know he⊠âI know that you donât⊠I know how you feel about me, but I⊠she was right there, and she was looking at you, and youâd been thinking ofâŠâÂ
 âI know.â He shifted on the seat, pulling on your hand and you turned so that your back was to him, your fingers sliding out of Ryanâs grasp. âI think,â he said as his hands moved to your shoulders, thumbs digging in, âthat⊠I didnât know what to think, until I got here.â You closed your eyes and flattened your palms on your thighs, Ryan releasing your shoulders as he gathered your hair into both hands, pushing it over one of them. âAnd then it all⊠seeinâ Ginny and Henry, the mountains, the ⊠Iâve got memories here, and the more I thought about âem, the more real it all was, you know?â He was kneading your skin with his hands, Ryanâs calloused fingers moving over your shoulders and upper back, your body relaxing by the second. âI didnât⊠I didnât see her anâ think âoh there she is, thatâs what Iâve been missingâ, I was just surprised, because the way she looked at me, through that window? She didnât look at me like that for weeks before I left, andâŠâ He stopped, and though both of his hands - warm and wet - were near your spine, you felt his lips against the top ridge of your shoulder, lingering for long seconds before he continued. âI wasnât expectinâ it.â
 Youâd seen the look on her face; the shock in her eyes, the way her lips had quivered just slightly as they parted, but youâd seen that her gaze had been locked on Ryan - on his face, on the man that she hadnât seen in years but still had some sort of feelings for. âI wasnât either, Ryan.â You sighed again, his hands working their way down the center of your back as his lips trailed over your shoulder and against your neck. âI didnâtâŠ. donât like seeing her look at you like that, becauseâŠâ You looked down, chin near your chest. âBecause I know there was a time when you looked at her like that, too.â You felt the movement of his hands falter, but Ryanâs lips didnât, your name coming out in a quiet breath. His past was his past, but that didnât mean that you wanted to be presented with it up close - and you had been. âShe looked at you like I look at you, Ryan, like she l-â
 âJackie didnât ever love me.â His beard scraped against the thin skin of your throat, Ryanâs voice low in your ear. âIf she did, she woulda understood that I needed to be me, and she wouldnât haveâŠâ You turned your head to the side, Ryanâs hands at the center of your back, and his face only inches from yours. âShe didnât look at me like you do.â He leaned in, nose brushing against yours as he sought out your lips, your eyes dropping briefly. Iâm still upset, but⊠âAnd I never saw her the way I see you. Stop comparinâ yourself to her.â You were nodding before youâd even realized it, turning your entire body toward Ryanâs, both arms going around his shoulders as you allowed yourself to be pulled onto his lap.Â
 âI hate feeling like this, Ryan, it makes meâŠâ You kissed him, closing your eyes and then squeezing them shut. âMakes me feelâŠâ Small. Stupid. Like I donât deserve you.Â
 âIâm glad you do.â He groaned as his hands moved up and down your sides, lips on yours, teeth scraping gently over your skin. âBecause you mean it.â You hummed quietly, waiting, and Ryan didnât make you wait long. âYou wouldnât be upset if you didnât care, anâ youâre real upset.â I am. Ryanâs lips were on yours again, kiss more insistent, but he still wasnât trying to take it further; holding you but not pulling you, keeping you in place on his lap but not forcing you to stay. âTell me what to do.â You swallowed, feeling his lips move with each word, and you closed your eyes again, moving your fingers through the damp hair at the base of his neck, thinking. Do I keep going? Do I let this⊠is it over?Â
 âI donât want to be jealous of her, Ryan.â You licked your lips, head shaking back and forth twice. âBecause I know I shouldnât be, but IâmâŠâ Your mind raced. What am I? âI hate her, Ryan, for what she tried to do to you, and I hate that you felt anything for her and that sheâŠâ You were crying again, the frustration that youâd felt toward the woman for the whole time youâd known of her pouring out - and misdirected at Ryan. âI hate that she still thinks she canâŠâÂ
 âShe canât.â He was holding you more tightly, chests pressed together. âI told you, it wasnât because I wanted to stop, I just⊠wasnât expectinâ it, and after what happened between you anâ me earlier, I⊠it was too much of a coincidence.â His hand left your side and cradled the back of your head, Ryan urging you to sit up straight and look at him. âIâm here for Ginny and Henry. Thatâs it. Here with you.â He leaned in. âAnd after Ogden? Weâre going to go get our stuff and go to the next place, just like we planned.â He was determined, you could hear it in his voice, and you nodded, feeling your chest grow tight. We are.Â
 âI know, Ry.â You took a deep breath, pulling your hand away from the back of his head and placing it against his chest, feeling his heart beating beneath your palm. âThatâs what I want.â He looked relieved and you felt relieved, trying to smile at the man in front of you. âWe havenât had a realâŠâ You paused, thinking, and Ryanâs hands rested against your hips, thumbs hooked beneath the elastic of your bathing suit bottoms, slowly rubbing against the skin there. âA real fight or -â
 âThis isnât a fight.â You watched as his lips twitched into a slight smile, his dark eyes moving over your face. âThis is both of us realizinâ that weâŠâ Ryanâs eyes closed, head rolling back and forth before he looked at you again. âThat weâve been keepinâ some feelings from each other at the same time we got âŠâ One eyebrow lifted, Ryanâs eyes still on yours. âReminded of the past.â The past. Sheâs his past. âIâm not gonna fight with you.â Ryan bit his lip. âWonât do any good, cuz youâll just win anyway, soâŠâ You laughed at that, quietly but it was enough, and Ryan leaned in to kiss you again, lips soft on yours, fingers tightening on your skin. âI -â
 âLove you, Ryan.â You shifted on his lap, relaxing against his chest as Ryan repeated the words to you, both of you sinking further into the hot water. âYou think Ginnyâs gonna want to sing with you? I know you guys âŠâ
 âShe used to. Sheâs got a better voice than I do, anâ even if she hasnât used it in a while, Iâm sure she⊠when I explain, Iâm sure sheâllâŠâ He sighed, both arms around you. âThatâs my second favorite song Iâve ever written, you know that?âÂ
 âI didnât, Ryan.â He was tracing over your thigh with one long finger, his chin resting on your shoulder. âBut second? I figured it -â
 âFirst is the one that I wrote right after we met. The one I played for you on Christmas?â What? âThat songâs for you, no doubt about it.â He paused, turning his head so that he could speak directly into your ear, voice barely audible over the sound of the hot tub. âKnowinâ that youâd heard that song at least once made me happy.â He kissed the side of your face and you felt him wrinkle his nose before his teeth closed around your earlobe, pressure gentle but still making you shiver, though the water was steaming hot. âGettinâ to play it for you that first time in your basement?â Ryan groaned, nuzzling against your shoulder and pulling you closer. âBest feeling Iâve everâŠâ Your heart pounding, you pulled yourself off of Ryanâs lap and stood abruptly, turning to face him.Â
 You felt the cold air hit your skin immediately, watching Ryanâs eyes drop to your chest and then rise again, settling on your face. âWas it?â He nodded, chest rising and falling rapidly. âI know you, Ryan Brenner.â You stepped back toward him, Ryanâs legs parting so that you could stand between them, your fingers trailing down his bare chest while the other hand combed through his hair, pushing the dark strands away from his face. âAnd I know you mean what you say.â He stayed quiet, watching you, but you felt his hands on the backs of your thighs, moving in slow circles. âBut so do I.â You chewed on your lower lip for a few seconds, thinking, and then tilted your head to the side. âSo Iâll never keep how Iâm feeling from you, because that wonâtâŠâ You smiled, blowing out a deep breath. âThat wonât help, and I know that, soâŠâ You shrugged, fingers closing on his hair and tugging. âSo Iâm not gonna do it again, starting now.âÂ
 âGood.â He grinned at you, and you could tell that he was ready to say something else, though he stayed quiet. What? âI donât want you to.â He leaned forward, looking up at you as he gripped your legs, holding you in place. âYou gonna sit back down, orâŠ?â Am I? You watched him, searching his face, and after only a few seconds, youâd made a decision. None of this matters. Heâs here with me. He wants to be, and I wantâŠ
 âNo.â You stepped back, pulling your hands away from Ryan, but didnât break eye contact. âIâm going to bed, and I want you to come with me.âÂ
---Â
 Ryanâs POVÂ
 The following two days passed quickly - him spending an afternoon with Ginny and Henry while you drove around Ogden, taking pictures one day, and then the four of you meeting for dinner at the house the next, you throwing together a meal of spaghetti and meatballs and entertaining Henry while Ryan and Virginia practiced his song. Sheâd been more than willing to sit and listen to his explanation of writing Southbound and why it had taken so long for him to realize what it was about, but sheâd been apprehensive about singing with him. She doesnât need to be. Ginnyâs voice had been perfectly suited to the melody, and after playing it a few times for her, as well as giving her a lyric sheet, the two of them had gone through it together, trying different things out. It felt good to be singing and playing with Ginny again, the woman using Cowboyâs guitar, Ryan sitting on the couch with your dadâs in his hands. This is right.Â
 By the time the two of them left your rental on the fourth night in Ogden, making plans to have Ginnyâs parents watch Henry so that the three of you could go out for a few drinks after recording on the second to last night youâd be in the city, Ryan had pushed the stress of the first 36 hours of the trip to the side, focusing on you and Ginny - and on Henry. The dinosaur museum was closed, but Ryan had spent a few hours with the boy while Ginny ran errands, and as the minutes passed, he realized that there was no way that he could remain out of the his life - or Virginiaâs. Telling her as much as she packed her stuff to leave your place, Ryan was surprised to see tears gathering in the corners of Virginiaâs eyes, her pale fingers reaching up to wipe them away.Â
 âI didnât think youâd come, Ry.â She sniffed and shook her head. âI pushed you away for so long, I had no right to expectâŠâÂ
 âYouâre family, Ginny. You and Henry always will be. Anâ it might take me a minute, but Iâll always be here for you.â He gestured around them to the large, open room with one hand, reaching out to squeeze one of her hands with his other one. âItâs not like it was before, Iâm not⊠Iâve got some money saved now, Gin, so if you guys ever need anything, justâŠâÂ
 âJust need you, Ryan. Henry will need you too, because youâre the only other one to⊠that knows his daddy like I did.â She smiled at him, the expression softening her features. âHeâs still young, but heâs gettinâ bigger, and heâllâŠâ
 âIâll be here, Ginny.â Ryan pulled her to his chest, hugging the woman tightly. âWhenever you need me.âÂ
 Theyâd left just before seven, and you and Ryan had changed clothes before ordering a car to take you back downtown and to the brewery that heâd told you about, which was crowded - but not too crowded. A few drinks in, the two of you were having a good time, sharing stories of travel along with flights of beer, wanting to sample the local brews before committing. This is nice. You hadnât had much downtime together in the prior few months, and though the future was uncertain, Ryan was enjoying just relaxing with you. This is what Ogden should have been like. This is what me beinâ happy feels like. He watched you as you talked to the bartender, pointing out things on the menu and asking questions, and Ryan leaned back in his chair, the sounds of the people around you a dull, comforting buzz.Â
 Around eleven, you ordered food, choosing a bunch of different tacos and two appetizers - the beehive cheese curds and dirty fries - Ryan grinning at you over the rim of his glass as you teased him about always being hungry. Tryinâ not to be hungover tomorrow at this point. While you waited you ordered more drinks, and as the bartender set them down in front of you, he was surprised to hear you say his name, turning his head to find that youâd leaned in, eyes focused on his face. âWhat?â The word slipped out with a laugh, but before he could say anything else, you were kissing him, one hand flat on the bartop, the other one gripping his thigh. This is new. When you pulled away, laughing quietly, he raised one hand, pushing your hair back and tucking it behind your ear. âWhatâs gotten into you tonight?âÂ
 You shugged, staring at him and drawing your lower lip into your mouth and between your teeth. âJust having fun, Ryan. I like you like this.â You winked, leaning back and raising your glass, taking a long drink of your newest beer - a lager that heâd tasted and enjoyed, too. âThat alright?â More than alright. The rest of the night passed quickly, the two of you piling back into a car and heading to the rental a little after 1 am, your head resting on Ryanâs shoulder as the darkened streets of Ogden flew by. âThis was fun.â It was. He kept his hand on your back as you typed in the door code, following you into the house and foregoing turning the lights on to trail upstairs after you in the dark. This could beâŠÂ
 He waited until you brushed your teeth to head into the bathroom, doing the same, and by the time he walked back into the bedroom, you were laying in bed, face illuminated by the glowing screen of your phone. He watched you from the doorway for a few seconds and then stepped back across the room, taking his shirt off and dropping it onto the floor before reaching into his pocket and pulling out his own phone, tossing it onto the bed before taking his jeans off. âYou good?â You nodded, the pillow rustling beneath your head as Ryan climbed into bed, pulling the blanket over himself. âIâm glad.â He took a few deep breaths, picking up the phone and unlocking it, his breath catching at the alert on the screen. Shit. Ryan felt his body stiffen and knew that you had, too, based on the way you darkened your own screen and rolled to face him.Â
 âWhatâs wrong?â His eyes scanned the message and Ryan grimaced, reading through it before he handed the phone to you, still not saying anything. âOh.â You exhaled, reading out loud. âRyan - I wanted to message you the other night, but didnât. I know that you said everything you had to say to me on the phone, but I know youâre in Ogden⊠or at least you were. If youâre still here, I want to see you, maybe meet for lunch or a coffee or something. I tried calling you, but Iâm guessing you blocked my number, so if you want to catch up, just get back to me through here.â You took a deep breath and Ryan watched your jaw work as you stared at the screen. âOr you can call me.â You turned your head to look at him, the light from his phone catching your eyes. âYou gonna answer it?â He answered immediately.Â
 âDefinitely not tonight.â You didnât speak, and he continued. âShe can see that I read it, so if I ignore it, sheâll know that Iâm not interested in talking to her, but -â
 âYou should respond to it, Ryan.â You scooted closer, his screen gong dark and eliminating most of the light in the room. âOne way or another, just⊠donât leave the door open.â You were right, but Ryan still didnât know how to respond. âYouâve only got two days before we leave, and -âÂ
 âIâll tell her no, tell her that I donât want to seeâŠâ He watched as you gave him a skeptical look. âWhat?âÂ
 âRyan, she saw you. She saw me. She still reached out, andâŠâ You laid a hand on his abdomen. âTelling her no isnât going toâŠâ
 âYou think I should go?â He waited for your response, rolling onto his side to face you. âI would have thought that you-âÂ
 âMaybe she needs closure? Sheâs been married for a while now, Ryan, maybe it means nothing that she wants to see you, maybeâŠâ Yeah, right. Thatâs not how this works. Not with Jackie. âI know she -â
 ââDo you want to meet her?â The words slipped out before Ryan could stop them and he heard you swear under your breath. âI mean, I know you donât want to meet her, butâŠâ He waited, and you didnât respond. âI-â
 âShe wouldnât agree to that, Ryan. She doesnât want me, she wants -â
 âThatâs not how this works.â He leaned in, catching you off guard and kissing you, voice firm. âShe wants to see me, sheâs gonna see me on my terms, and I donât⊠wonât leave you outta that, unless you donât want to go.â He sighed, kissing you again, and was relieved when he felt your fingers against his side, running over the lines of his tattoo as you pulled yourself closer to his chest. âIâll message back tomorrow, andâŠâ
 âInvite her to bring her husband, Ry.â You mumbled the words, voice slow and full of the onset of sleep. âBet she wonât bring him.â No she definitely wouldnât.Â
---Â
 The next afternoon, you and Ryan parked in a small lot in front of a bakery called Kneaders, but once you put the car into park, you made no move to get out. âYou ok?â He leaned over, reaching for you, and after a few seconds of quiet, you looked over at him, a bright - though somewhat forced smile on your face.Â
 âYes. Who wouldnât be alright when they were about to meet their boyfriendâs ex, who for some reason is still trying to contact him after nearly four years and -â You cut yourself off, closing your eyes. âI canât promise Iâm going to be nice, Ryan, not the whole time anyway.â He laughed, squeezing your hand.Â
 âWouldnât expect you to.â You looked back at him, a surprised expression on your face. âIâm just glad youâre here with me.â Your smile softened and you nodded. âLook, we do this⊠no more than an hour, and then we go back and wait for Ginny to come over to record, and then the three of us go out and have fun.â Thatâs all I want right now, just you and Ginny and that song, but⊠âWe should go in, though, the longer weâŠâ You were moving before he was done speaking, pulling the keys out of the ignition and getting out of the car, hood pulled up to combat the wind as you walked to his side of the car. It was snowing - just lightly, but you still stopped, waiting for him to step next to you. He reached for your hand, squeezing it once and then you moved to the door as Ryanâs arm wound around your waist and pulled you to his side. Here we go.Â
 The inside of the cafe was nice - and Ryan would have felt out of place had he stopped in on his previous trips to Ogden, but standing next to you as you eyed your surroundings, he was comfortable. Jackie had picked the place, and as the two of you made your way inside, he realized why. She wanted to throw me off, wanted to make me focus on her and not⊠shit. âFancy.â You leaned in, whispering the word into his ear. âThis somewhere youâd come when -â
 âNo, not even close.â He turned his head to face you, feeling himself smile. âIâd be fine with a black coffee from a gas station, butâŠâ You laughed, leaning into his shoulder, and Ryan felt a warmth that had nothing to do with the building you were in. âWant to order or should we -â
 âSheâs over there, Ry. I saw her when we walked in.â You pulled your hand from his, reaching up to push your fingers through his hair. âShould probably go and introduce me first, and then I can go order while you⊠catch up.â You looked worried - but just for a second - and Ryan nodded, leaning in to press his lips against yours quickly, hearing the quiet intake of your breath. Nothinâ to worry about.Â
 âLetâs get this over with.â He stood up, slowly turning to look through the seating area, which had more than a few people sitting in it, but Ryan found Jackie quickly, sitting at a small table near one of the front windows. She was wearing a tan coat, unbuttoned, but the red scarf still around her neck looked familiar. Is that?  You started walking first, heading for the woman, and Ryan followed, his heartbeat quickening with each step. âHey, Jackie.â His voice sounding foreign to his ears, Ryan stopped next to the table where she sat, staring down. âHow are you?â He watched as Jackieâs eyes widened again, her gaze settled on his face. Her hair was down and longer than it had been the last time heâd seen her in person, and though her face looked much the same, he saw that she looked tired, even though she had a small smile on her lips.
 âRyan.â The way she said his name made him want to step back, but Ryan felt you next to him, your fingers again wound tightly with his, and so he stayed put. âItâs so good to see you. You look -â
 He cut Jackie off, nodding and clearing his throat. âThanks.â Ryan glanced down, taking a deep breath before he introduced you by name, squeezing your hand tighter. âWhereâs your h-â
 âHe couldnât make it, Ryan.â Jackie relaxed into her seat, still staring at Ryan, and he realized that she hadnât even glanced at you, instead staying focused on him. Wow. âHad to work, so itâs just us.â She picked her mug up - and Ryan noticed that she was drinking tea instead of coffee. âSit?â She used her tongue to dry her lips as she set it down, gesturing at the seat across from her. âYouâll have to pull up a second chair for her, butâŠâ Ryan caught the slight tic of her jaw as she referenced you, but instead of taking the seat, he pulled it out for you, gesturing for you to sit before he turned to his left, pulling an empty chair from a nearby table. As he settled in, Ryan debated over whether or not to put an arm around the back of your chair but chose not to. No reason to antagonize her, not until I know what she wants out of this. âSo how have you been, Ryan? Iâve seen your Instagram, youâve played a lot of places, and written a lot -â
 âI have.â He cleared his throat, leaning forward slightly. âLearned a lot in the last couple years, made some new friends, wrote a lot of new music, and itâs good.â Ryan smiled as he thought about the places that youâd been as time passed. âBeen recordinâ with a lot of people, andâŠâ
 âRecording?â She sounded surprised, leaning in too. âIn a studio? I thought you -â
 âNo.â He leaned back, looking over at you and seeing that you were watching him intently, a lopsided smile on your face and a calm look in your eyes. Good. Sheâs fine. âJust at home, or in our place, orâŠâ He shrugged. âA studioâs great and all, but itâs not what Iâm lookinâ for, and itâs one of the reasons weâve been moving around so much, because itâs easier to see the people I need to see that way.â He watched Jackieâs eyebrows raise, the woman taking another drink of her tea. No ring, why isnât she wearing her⊠âHow âbout you, Jackie? Liaâs messaged me a couple times, seems like sheâs ⊠doing well.âÂ
 âShe is. Sheâs so damn smart, Ryan, she wanted to see you too, when she found out that you were here, but sheâs in school andâŠâ Jackieâs voice changed as she talked about Lia and Ryan couldnât help but smile, thinking of the girl. âSheâs still playing your guitar, and sheâs gotten so much better, we play together a couple nights a week and itâsâŠâ Jackie reached over, stopping herself from touching Ryanâs hand and he had to force himself not to pull it back. âI donât know why I never thought of trying to teach her, but now itâs likeâŠâ Jackie pressed her lips together. âYou gave her somethinâ that I couldnât, andâŠâ
 âIâm glad, Jackie. Youâll have to tell her I said hi, that Iâm sorry I missed her, woulda liked to seeâŠâ Ryan ran a hand through his hair. âMaybe Iâll message her, see how sheâs doinâ.â He looked over at you. âYou want somethinâ to drink? Weâve been sitting here, andâŠâ
 âYeah, I can go order, do you want anything to eat?â He nodded, glancing over his shoulder at the menu.
 âYou pick, you know what I like.â When he looked back at you, he saw that you were holding back a grin, agreeing as you stood. âYou need -â
 âNah, I got it.â You paused before heading to the counter, looking back at Jackie and addressing her directly. âCan I get you anything, Jackie?â Ryanâs eyes flicked to the blonde, waiting for her response. âAnother tea, or maybe a muffin orâŠâ
 âMore tea would be great, thanks.â She pushed the mug across the table. âHerbal, the citrus?â You reached out, picking up the mug and nodding. âMaybe some of the cinnamon bread?â You didnât reply before you turned, but Ryan knew you were annoyed, and though he wanted to look after you as you headed to order, he didnât, instead turning back to Jackie and staring at her. Alright, youâve got me alone, what do you really want? âYou look incredible, Ryan.â Jackie leaned in, shoulders dropping. âYou look...happy.âÂ
 âI am.â He gestured to you with one hand, staring at Jackie. âWe are. She anâ I have been movinâ across the country, renovating houses and just⊠itâs been nice. I still get to travel and see the world, but itâsâŠâ
 âWhat does she do?â Jackie sniffed. âShe have a job, or -â
 âSheâs a photographer. Had a couple gallery shows last year.â Ryan looked down at his hands, fingers knotted on the tabletop. âWas livinâ like me before we even met, and she understands me, Jackie. What I need and who I am.â He met the womanâs eyes again, narrowing his. âWhat I want. Sheâs supportive of my music, and ⊠and itâs a nice change from everything beinâ so uncertain.â Jackie let out a breath, her thumb moving over her ring finger as if seeking out the band she usually wore. âIâm in love with her, Jackie. Have been for a while, and itâs⊠Thereâs never been anything like it before for me.â It was true, and though Ryan knew it was probably hard for the woman to hear, he didnât want to sugarcoat anything.Â
 âSo youâll stay with her.â Jackie set her lips in a straight line, staring at him. âJust meet her and stay with her and itâs no big deal but when -â
 âIt wasnât like that.â Not that itâs any of your business. âWe met and spent a weekend together in Vegas, but it wasnât⊠we both left, both went back to our lives after that, and it ⊠there was a connection, Jackie, right from the beginning. We didnât even see each other in person for almost a year after that first weekend, andd then I got hurt, and then when we did find each other again, it just⊠made sense. Both of us just want⊠I realized whatâs important to me, and thatâs why I stopped with the trains, stopped with theâŠâ
 âHurt?â She was concerned again, this time not stopping as she reached out and laid her hand on his sleeve. âWhat did⊠are you OK?âÂ
 âIâm fine now, but I got sidelined in St. Louis for months because I broke my wrist, couldnât do anything about it, andâŠâ Ryan shrugged, pulling his hand back and rubbing at his arm, his fingers pressing down on the tattoo there. âMade me think about a lot, Jackie, about what was important, what I needed, and what -â
 âShe didnât come get you? Didnât come to you when you were -â
 âNo.â He spoke the single word as a warning, voice dropping. âNo, I lost my phone when I hurt myself, and she didnât have any way of gettinâ ahold of me, and I couldnât reach her either.â Ryanâs nose twitched as he leaned all the way back in his chair. âWorst three and a half months of my life, not beinâ able to let her know I was alright.â Jackie closed her eyes, collecting her thoughts. âSo when I found her again, in a park in Philadelphia? Knew I had to do somethinâ about it. I was done with the road, done travelinâ. I was only going back up the coast to see Georgie one more time, say goodbye, and it wasnât⊠I shouldnât have found her. She shouldnât have found me, but we did. And I canât ignore that.âÂ
 âOf course you canât.â Jackie looked down at her own hands, the sleeves of her sweater pulled to her knuckles. âI guess I always thought, Ryan, that you came back to me once, so youâd do it again, when you got the ⊠when you wanted to settle down?â Jackie ran a hand through her hair, a quiet laugh reaching his ears. âYou never gave me a chance, Ryan, not a real one.â Yes I did. âWhen you said youâd stay here, with me⊠with us, I said I needed you to try, to get a job, to want toâŠâ
 âI did, Jackie. But it wasnât enough. Ogden wasnât enough, beinâ... in the middle of a family wasnât enough. I needed to do things on my own because I wanted to, not because you told me to.â He looked down and then back over his shoulder at you, seeing that you were next to order. âI needed to build my own life, not let someone⊠move things around and make space for me.â She inhaled, holding her breath, and Ryan kept going. âI told you on the phone that I didnât want to come back and see you, I didnât need to, that I didnât⊠I wasnât going to make decisions for you.â Ryan pointed at her hand. âYouâre not wearinâ a ring right now, but you were with your husband the other night. You got married, Jackie, so that means that you gave up on me cominâ back, or ⊠at the very least, donât want it as much anymore.â It was the most heâd ever said to the woman in one conversation, but Ryan felt good about being honest with Jackie, face to face. âWe had a few good days, Jackie. Some good times when I was here, but thatâs it.â He leaned in, lowering his voice. âWhat is it that you said, sometimes people just come through to tell you somethinâ and itâs alright that they go? Thatâs what I did. And it is alright. Because you met him and I met her, and Iâm supposed to be with her. It feels right, and thatâs not gonna change.âÂ
 âDoes she know?â Jackie swallowed, eyes glistening. âDoes she know what I meant to you, what -â You didnât⊠it didnâtâŠïżœïżœ
 âShe knows everything.â He felt his lip curl. âAnd thereâs nothing that you can say or do thatâs going to change my mind, Jackie. I donât -â
 âSorry that took so long.â You returned to the table, a small tray in one hand and a drink carrier in the other. âDecided to get a bread and pastry sampler, soâŠâ Ryan reached over, automatically taking the tray from your hands and setting it down, your quiet thanks following. âOnly one cinnamon bread so you can have that, Jackie, butâŠâ You lowered yourself into your set, and Ryan watched as you looked first at him and then at Jackie, frowning. âEverything OK?â There was a few seconds of quiet and then Jackieâs expression changed, her lips shifting into a wide smile.Â
 âYes. Everythingâs great, Ryan was just telling me about how the two of you met.â She licked her lips, and Ryan watched as she unwrapped the scarf before shrugging out of her coat. âBut if youâll excuse me for a few minutes, I just have toâŠâ Jackie slid sideways on the booth bench, and then as she stood, Ryan felt his eyes widen. What? âIâll be right back.â Jackie passed by him, and Ryan felt her hand brush up against his shoulder as she moved. That was on purpose, but⊠she⊠He waited to speak and then turned in his seat to look at you, seeing that your eyes were wide and you were watching him with one eyebrow raised. âI⊠is sheâŠâ
 âRyanâŠâ You reached toward him, laying your hand atop his on the table. âAre -â
 âSheâs pregnant?â His voice low, Ryan shook his head. âSheâs acting like this and sheâsâŠâ Jesus.Â
 ---Â
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Just a Place - Part 9
Pairing: Ryan Brenner x Reader
Word Count: 10,155 (it got long but there was nowhere else for me to cut it)
Rating: M (language, implied zest)
Summary:Â As you and Ryan head back to Utah - and back to see Ginny and Henry, parts of his past begin to resurface... but can you and Ryan get past them while at ground zero?Â
Authorâs Note: I need to stop neglecting Ryan Brenner. But this and the next chapter are difficult for reasons that I am SURE you will understand. Thanks to you guys for your patience!
Your POVÂ
 By the time you were passing through Layton, Ryan had fallen silent, and so had you. Heâd taken over driving in Price when youâd stopped for gas, and though the two of you had continued to talk, you could tell that Ryanâs attention wasnât fully on you. This isnât going to be an easy trip. You knew that it was partially because of Jackie, but with the way he was acting, you were almost positive that Ryan was more worried about seeing Virginia again after so long, having to re-live the loss of his best friend. âRy?â You looked over at him, reaching over with your left hand to turn the radio down. âYou donât have to call her today, we can -â
 âNo.â He shook his head, eyes on the road. âNo, I told Ginny weâd be getting in today, anâ I canât⊠we shouldâŠâ You nodded, but didnât say anything else. âWhat time can we check in?â You pulled your phone out, opening the app and tapping through to your reservation. Youâd looked into hotels, but had instead chosen an Airbnb, since they were about the same price, and there had been more to pick from.Â
 âAny time, Ryan.â You scrolled through the pictures of the place youâd rented - an entire house with a hot tub out back, only a few minutes from Ginnyâs apartment complex - and sighed. âWe just have to check in with the keypad, but the host said as long as it was after noon, we were -â
 âGood.â Ryan nodded at you, taking his eyes off of the road for long enough to look down at the clock. âYou promised me m-âÂ
 âI know what I promised you, Ryan Brenner.â You reached over again, this time placing your hand on his knee. âAnd trust me, I plan on making good on that promise.â You watched his lips twitch into a smile. âBut I think we should stop and get some stuff for the house first, in case weâre with Ginny too late.â He sighed, not answering right away. âRyan, I donât know how late -â
 âYouâre right.â He glanced over and you saw the look in his eyes, the intensity catching you by surprise. âIâm just lookinâ forward to getting out of this car.â You laughed, glad to hear that he was joking with you, even though you could still tell that he was off, and decided to ignore it, letting Ryan deal with being back in the city in his own way. You reached forward, tapping in the address of a grocery store into the GPS and settling back into your seat as it rerouted you.
 âItâs nice here, Ry.â You turned your head to look out the window, eyes moving over the landscape. He exited the highway, turning onto W 2100, and you grinned. âI definitely get the appeal of living in the mountains, itâs a lot different from the coast.âÂ
 âIt is.â He nodded, slowing down with traffic, his hands tight on the steering wheel. âWakinâ up to the mountains is real nice, even in the summer. Weâll have to⊠weâll have to try it out sometime.â You parked soon after that, and hurried into the store, buying enough food and drinks to last you a few days - a couple six packs of beer included. You and Ryan hadnât had true time off since youâd left Texas months prior, and even though you knew that being in Ogden wouldnât be easy for him, you still wanted to take the time to relax. After all, weâll be here for a week.Â
 Satisfied with your purchases, you got back into the car, you climbing into the driverâs seat, and within fifteen minutes, youâd parked in the driveway of your rented home. You put the groceries away while Ryan carried in your stuff, dragging both suitcases up the stairs and into the master bedroom while he left the guitars in the living room. By the time you were done, he still hadnât come back downstairs and so you went looking for him, fingers trailing over the wall as you walked. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, legs spread and his hands clasped between them, eyes trained on the floor. Pausing in the doorway, you watched him for a few seconds without speaking. âItâs weird beinâ back here, and we havenât even been toâŠâ Ryan shook his head. âNever been to this part of Ogden before, this far east?â He looked up at you, worry in his eyes. âFeels like cominâ back somewhere after I ran from⊠from a mistake.âÂ
 Stepping fully into the room, you made your way to the bed, sitting next to him. âWhat mistake would that be?â He didnât answer right away and you could tell that he was thinking about it. Whatever he says, you have to âŠÂ
 âNot tryinâ harder.â His voice was quiet, and Ryan reached out to take your hand, thumb moving over the back of it before he linked his fingers with yours. âNot withâŠâ You looked over at him, watching his head shake back and forth, hair hanging over his eyes. âWith Ginny. With Cowboy. I knew where they were long before I made my way up here the first time, anâ when I was here, it was just about⊠gettinâ to Portland. I shoulda come sooner. I could haveâŠâ Ryan squeezed your hand. âI was supposed to be here a couple months before I ended up⊠If I would⊠heâŠâ
 âRyan, itâs not your fault he went out again.â You inched closer to him, reaching over your body with your free hand to squeeze his knee. âThey were traveling up until Virginia was a couple months pregnant, right?â He nodded. âIâm not surprised, then, that he felt like he needed to go. And he would have done the same even if youâd been here, Ry. You canât blame yourself for what happened to him, because he was an adult and he made his choices. What would you have tried harder to do?âÂ
 âGet here. Stay here. Be here for them when they -â
 âRyan.â At the tone of your voice, he looked up, locking eyes with you. âYou did what you could. No one expects anything more than that.â He opened his mouth to speak, but you cut him off again. âYou were here when Ginny found out. She wasnât alone. You were here for the funeral. You were here and you offered yourself to her if she needed you. She turned you down, and I donât blame her, but you shouldnât blame yourself, either. Getting here a week earlier wouldnât have changed anything. Getting here a month earlier wouldnât have changed anything, except you getting to see Cowboy before he left. He still would have gone, Ryan, and âŠâ You took a breath. âYou said they werenât able to determineâŠâ He winced and you stopped. âNo one knows exactly what happened, so what if⊠what if youâd been with him, Ryan?â He lowered his head further. âShe could have lost you both. But she didnât. Youâre here now when it matters the most, because Henryâs going to get to grow up with you, and even if youâre not living here, or you donât see him much? Virginia wants you in his life - and hers.â Thereâs nothing else I can say. Nothing⊠heâŠÂ
 âStill feels like a mistake.â Ryanâs voice was tinged with regret, and he looked over at you again, honesty written on his face. âLike I⊠gave up on Ginny and Henry to ⊠to make myself happy. I was so focused on Jackie and Lia and myself that I didnâtâŠâ Ryan shook his head. âI hightailed it outta here right after the funeral and -â
 âYou were grieving, Ryan. Cowboy was your best friend and you went from thinking he was gonna come home to finding out he was gone in a few days. This isnât your home, and no one expected you to stay.â
 âSomeone did.â He looked at you again, lips pressed together. âSomeone tried to -â
 âRyan, Jackie wanted you to stay here because she was staying here. She didnât care what that meant for you because she was so focused on her own life that sheâŠâ You trailed off, realizing that it was the first time youâd spoken the womanâs name out loud to Ryan in months. âYou came back here because you thought itâŠâ Is he having second thoughts? Does he want⊠âYou wanted to see how it felt, Ryan. How it felt to be with her, how it felt to try something more permanent, how it felt to have a life with her, like Virginia and Cowboy did together.â
 âNo.â It was a single word, but you heard the effort it took for him to say it. âGinny and Cowboy, they⊠they loved each other from the beginning. Always. Completely. I met âem when they were real young, but ⊠I never thought that Jackie and I would have that, because she and I we⊠we were too different.â Then whyâd you stay with her? Whyâd you⊠âI never thought Iâd fall in love, but I thought that Jackie was⊠would be⊠enough.â Your heart broke for Ryan; not because of what he was saying, but because you could hear in his tone that heâd believed it. âBut it wasnât, and when I figured that out, I felt like Iâd done somethinâ wrong with that, too because she wasnât enough, and I made her feel like maybe she could be.âÂ
 âRyan, youâŠâ You pulled your hand away from his leg, letting it fall back into your own lap. âI figured weâd have to talk about this while we were here, but I didnât think thatâŠâ You looked down, eyes focused on the carpet beneath your feet. âYou didnât do anything wrong. You werenât happy, and so you left. It would have been wrong to pretend - with any of them. Just like itâd be wrong if you were pretending with me.â You said it. âI donât want to find out years down the road that you were just trying to make up for something by being with me, that you resent -â
 âStop.â He turned his body to face yours, reaching over to put a hand on your shoulder. âYou know thatâs not what this is, what⊠what itâs been.â Looking up slowly, you met his eyes as he said your name. âYou heard those recordings, know how I feel about you.â Yeah, but⊠âWhat happened between Jackie and me and Ginny and Cowboy and me is somethinâ that Iâm gonna have to deal with, and beinâ here - really beinâ here isnât going to be easy, but itâs overdue.â Ryan paused, wetting his lips. âI feel guilty. I feel ⊠upset. But youâre right. It doesnât mean that doinâ things differently would have changed anything, and thatâs what I have to keepâŠâ He shook his head. âI never thought Iâd have ⊠that Iâd get to meet someone thatâŠâ He brought the hand up from your shoulder to your chin, curling his fingers beneath it and rubbing his thumb slowly over your lips. âBut I did.â You did.Â
 Neither of you said anything for a few minutes, and though you had to look away from him, averting your gaze from his eyes, your heart rate didnât slow. It seemed like every few months, you and Ryan had one of these conversations, and while you didnât mind them, because it reaffirmed the feelings that both of you had for each other, you had to wonder if, at some point, theyâd get to be too much - too often. This is normal, right? This is⊠âRyan?â You looked back at him, nervously biting your lip. âAre you going to need to seeâŠâÂ
 âNo.â He shook his head, using the hand that had been on your face to push his hair back. âNo, I said everything that I had to say when we talked on the phone.â You felt a surge of relief course through your body, because you could hear in his voice that he meant it. Alright. Good. I guess⊠âAnâ I think that once I see Ginny, I wonât even feel⊠itâs justâŠ.â He shrugged. âSo much time to think, itâs all I -â
 âAlright, Ry.â You leaned in, taking a breath before you kissed his cheek, nodding your head. âI just wanted to make sure.â He turned his head, lips meeting yours, and even though it was a brief kiss, it reassured you.Â
 âI ruined it, didnât I?â He pulled his hand from yours and moved it to your side, the other one returning to your cheek. âHad every intention of gettinâ you here and makinâ sure that you -â You felt his lip curl, heard the intent behind his words. You didnât ruin anything, Ryan. âDid you see our shower?â You shook your head, feeling Ryanâs grip on you tighten as you moved your hand back to his knee. âI did. I wanna see you in that shower.â Your fingers tightened on his leg, but you didnât otherwise respond. âMaybe both of them, actually.â You sighed, feeling yourself smile as you raised your other hand to his hair, tugging on it, his lips moving lower on your face. âAnd the tub.â He kissed you again, teeth closing around your lip for a brief second. âAnd on the couch.âÂ
 âRyan?â He hummed against your throat, fingers tangling in your hair. âLetâs start with the bed.â He nodded and you leaned back, feeling him push you down against the mattress.Â
 âI can do that.â
---Â
 Later that afternoon - after you and Ryan had cleaned yourselves up and eaten a small lunch, you lounged on the couch with your head in his lap while he called Ginny. âHey, weâre here.â He was quiet for a few seconds, listening, and you smiled up at him. He sounded more relaxed, and while you knew that the conversation youâd had earlier had only been tabled and not forgotten, you knew that heâd been right - when he saw Ginny, saw that she didnât blame him for his actions years earlier, heâd be much more comfortable in the city. Even though sheâs here somewhere. Somewhere close. It had taken everything in you not to try and look up Jackieâs address with her new husband, figuring out where they lived so that you could book a place to stay as far from them as possible - but youâd refrained, telling yourself that if you were meant to run into her - or into them - while you were in the city, itâs what would happen. âYeah, weâre actually stayinâ pretty close to you, I think. She looked up your address and -â Ryan laughed, looking down. âLemme ask.â He pulled the phone away from his mouth. âGinny wants to know if you want to have dinner tonight.âÂ
 âYes.â You nodded. âThey want to come here, or go out, orâŠâ Ryan moved the hand that had been resting against your chest, covering your mouth with it. Hey.Â
 âYou hear her, Gin?â He laughed. âYeah. Iâll let her know.â Ryan raised an eyebrow. âThereâs a place up the road that Henry likes, figures itâll be better toâŠâ You nodded immediately, understanding and Ryan moved his hand back to its previous location, fingers pressing down on the skin above the edge of your shirt. Neutral location. She doesnât want to have us over until⊠âSix? Is it gonna be bu- alright. See you then, Ginny.â He hung up, glancing at the screen of his phone before he set it on the cushions next to you. âWe got a couple hours, what do you want to do?â You pressed your lips together, thinking.Â
 âWe can just stay here, Ryan.â He frowned, but you continued. âItâs too late to go look at anything, and if we go downtown and then have to leave⊠Henryâs little, so we can always go out afterâŠâ You went to sit up, but Ryan stopped you, moving his hand a little lower, the tips of his fingers sliding under your collar and curling over your shoulder.Â
 âYou wanna go out?â You nodded, staring up at him.Â
 âYeah, we can leave the car here, take an Uber or something, have a few drinks.â You swallowed. âThis doesnât have to be aâŠâ
 âAlright.â He grinned. âSounds good to me.âÂ
 ---Â
 You drove from the house to the restaurant, which was on the same street that you were staying on and parked the car, backing into a spot that gave you a good view of the front doors. Ryan had wanted to be there a few minutes early, and you knew that it was to calm his nerves, to be sure that you got there before Ginny and Henry. âFood sounds good here, Ryan.â You looked over at him, watching as his eyes focused on the doors. âLots of different burgers and-âÂ
 âTheyâre here.â You followed his gaze, watching as an old pickup truck pulled past you, and then Ryan was reaching for you, pulling you close to him and kissing you hard. âItâs just Ginny, why am I so -â
 âBecause you love her, Ryan.â You said the words and watched as he took them in, nose wrinkling and teeth digging into his lower lip. âYou love her and you havenât seen her in years, and -â
 âThis is why I need you.â He sighed, kissing you again, but this time it was slow, a gentle press of his lips against yours. âYouâre always right, anâ I -â
 âNot always.â You sighed, looking past Ryan and watching as a dark haired woman led a small boy to the doors, his hand held tightly in hers. âNow letâs go see your friends, Ry.â He nodded, pulling away from you after giving your knee one more firm squeeze and then he got out of the car. Alright. Letâs go. You got out, too, locking it and dropping your keys into your purse as you moved to the front of the restaurant, Ryanâs hand waiting for yours to slip into it. The woman waited near the front doors, a small frown on her lips, but as soon as her eyes landed on Ryan, she smiled. The expression took years off of her face, and as you got closer, Ryan pulled his hand from yours, steps quickening as he reached the woman. He hugged her tightly, Virginia never letting go of Henryâs hand, though the boy was more interested in the cars passing by on the street than he was with what his mother was doing.Â
 âRyan!â You heard her voice in person for the first time, the excited tone of it muffled by his shoulder, and you took a step back as he wrapped both arms around her more tightly, a laugh escaping his lips. âYou look great, like you havenât -â
 âGinny, you lookâŠâ He stepped back, shaking his head and smiling down at the small woman. âItâs good to see you, really good, and Henry, heâŠâ You looked down when Ryan did, seeing that the boy was now looking up at you and Ryan, scowling. âHe still looks just like his-â
 âJust like his daddy, yeah.â Ginny squeezed Ryanâs arm again before pulling gently on Henryâs hand, moving him closer to her. âThatâs what everyone says.â Henry stood next to Virginia, and everyone went silent for a few seconds until Ginny addressed you, interest in her tone. âIâve heard a lot about you.â You widened your eyes in surprise and she held her hand out to you. âIâm glad this oneâs got someone to keep him in line.â You laughed and Ryan scoffed, Ginnyâs hand falling from yours and back to her side. âWe should go in, though, Henryâs hungry, and heâs gotta go to bed in a couple hours.â Nodding, you followed the woman and her son into the restaurant, Ryanâs hand resting against your back the entire time you waited in line to order. As you waited, Virginia reached down to pick Henry up, pointing out things on the menu to him.Â
 âDo you want to go get a table, Ry?â You looked up at him, but Ryan shook his head.Â
 âNo, but you can.â He raised an eyebrow. âTell me what you want and Iâll order.â You looked back at the menu and told him what you wanted, reaching for your purse but Ryan shook his head. âNo, I got this.â Understanding immediately, you nodded, stepping away from Ryan and making your way to a booth, figuring it would be easier and more comfortable for Henry. Reminds me of a Shake Shack. You looked around the restaurant, eyes taking in the decor and the crowd. No, not quite, but⊠Youâd been a lot of places in your travels, seen a lot of small towns that were trying to grow, trying to modernize, and Ogden was no different. Give it a chance. Smiling brightly as Ryan and Ginny made their way to the table, a drink holder in his hands, you scooted over, increasing the space next to you.Â
 âCouple minutes, and the food should be out.â Ginny grinned at you, waving her hand. âThis place is quick, and itâs good, and itâsâŠâ Ginny smiled down at her son. âCheap.â There was a pause and you leaned in, shrugging your shoulders.Â
 âA good burgerâs a good burger.â You smiled at her. âAnd if itâs cheap? Thatâs even better.â You felt Ryanâs hand on your knee, not squeezing but just resting there. âI -â
 âShe does what we did, Gin.â Ryanâs tone was light, but you could still hear the apprehension in it. âLikes to get to know the places anâ the people and -â
 âLet her talk, Ryan.â Ginny sat up, eyes moving between the two of you. âI gotta decide.â Decide what? He asked your question out loud, and Ginny rolled her eyes. âDecide if I like her or not.â You watched her press her lips together, taking a breath. âIâm kidding, Ryan.â She shook her head. âI already like her, sheâs keepinâ you safe.â You felt your heart thud at that - the first mention of the loss that theyâd both experienced, and you tried not to flinch, but at the tightening of Ryanâs fingers through your jeans, you knew that youâd failed. Iâm sorry, Ry, I couldnât help it. Virginia said your name again, opening her mouth to say more when a young girl approached your table, two full trays of food in her hands.Â
 Once things had been passed out - burgers for all three adults and a turkey sandwich for Henry, along with buckets of fries and onion rings to share between you - you started talking again, conversation flowing easily between you and Ginny, Ryan adding things in every now and then. You watched as he ate, his attention shifting between Ginny and Henry, focusing on the boy more and more as time passed, but Ryan never missed a beat. You liked Ginny, could tell that she was a devoted mother, trying to get Henry to say a few things too, including him in the conversation, and you knew instinctively that when sheâd found out she was pregnant, her entire life had shifted. She was done right away, being a mom was⊠You glanced over at Ryan, watching as he laughed, telling Ginny about something that had happened in St. Louis, and wondered what he would have done if heâd ever gotten someone pregnant, if heâd âŠStop. Shaking your head, you realized that Ryan was saying your name, his arm around your shoulders. âIâm sorry, I was justâŠâ
 âThinkinâ about somethinâ?â You nodded, meeting Ryanâs eyes. âItâs been a long day, and you did a lot of drivinâ.âÂ
 âYeah, butâŠâ You shook your head. âThatâs not -â
 âItâs fine.â Ginny leaned over the table, reaching out with one hand to squeeze yours while looking at Henry, who was coloring on one of the place mats with a green crayon. âWeâve gotta get going anyway, itâs almost time for bed, and he needs a bath.â She rolled her eyes. âI have to drop him off at my momâs before I go to work, and -â
 âThey still in the same house, Ginny?â Ryan spoke up and she nodded. âWhat about -â She nodded, cutting him off.Â
 âEveryone else is still exactly where they were the last time you were here, Ryan.â You took a deep breath. Does she mean? âNot much has changed, except weâve all gotten a little older.â Ginny laughed. âI work all day tomorrow, and then have an early shift the day after, so I don't know if we canâŠâ She looked between the two of you. âIâm off the day after that, though, we can do somethinâ then, if you want.â Ryan nodded. âI justâŠâ Ginny leaned in, voice going low. âI wanted him to really meet you, Ryan, before ⊠before I invite you over and let you spend time with him, I just âŠâÂ
 âI get it.â He nodded. âWeâre here until next Thursday, so we have plenty of time, andâŠâ Ryan looked over at Henry again before lowering his head. âHe looks so much like âim, Ginny.â You squeezed Ryanâs hand, feeling the spread of his fingers beneath yours, giving you a chance to hold them more tightly. âItâll be nice to sit down and justâŠâÂ
 âYeah, it will.â You knew that the conversation would be hard, but could also tell that Ryan was feeling more comfortable with the whole thing. See? Seeing them was what you needed, Ryan, it was ⊠all you needed. âThank you for dinner, Ryan. You didnât have to -â
 âI did, though.â Ryan grinned, sitting back up and leaning against the back of the booth. âYou guys took carea me all those years, least I can do is buy you a burger.â You felt the mood shift again, Ginny laughing, and a few minutes later as the four of you exited the restaurant, you paused in the parking lot, Henryâs head sleepily leaning against his motherâs shoulder. âGive me a call, Ginny. Let me know when you want to see me again, and Iâll stop by.â She nodded, and Ryan quickly walked over to the truck, pulling the back door open and stepping away to let Ginny put Henry into his car seat, buckling him in before she closed the door.Â
 âIt was nice to meet you, Ginny.â You called out the goodbye, still standing by the driverâs side door of your car. âIâm sure Iâll see you soon.â She raised a hand to you, and then turned back to Ryan, stepping closer. Give them a minute. You unlocked your car, sliding into the seat and started it, wanting it to be warm when Ryan got in. That was⊠You shook your head, flipping through the radio and settling on an old rock station, leaning back in your seat and closing your eyes. Sheâs nice. You hadnât even realized that youâd fallen asleep until you felt Ryanâs fingers moving over your cheek a while later. âOh, shit, Ry, I didnât -â
 âYou want me to drive?â He leaned in, rubbing his nose against your cheek, and you yawned, shaking your head back and forth. âYou were sleepinâ, I -â
 âItâs just a couple blocks, Ryan, I canâŠâ You sat straight up, blinking. âHow long were you out there?â He laughed, leaning back against his seat.Â
 âOnly about ten minutes. You must be exhausted.â I guess I am. Rubbing your eyes, you turned your head to look at him, laughing quietly.Â
 âItâs not even 9, Ryan, IâŠâ Iâm getting old. âLetâs go back, we can figure out whereâŠâ
 âWeâre not goinâ out tonight.â He spoke quietly and your eyes moved over to him as you pulled out of the parking spot, turning out of the lot and back onto Monroe. Why? âWeâve got all week, and thereâs nothinâ wrong with going back to the house and getting to bed early.âÂ
 âWhatever you say, Brenner.â It only took a few minutes and then your car was parked safely in the garage of your rental - and you were wrapped in Ryanâs arms in the master bedroom. âWeâll wake up early tomorrow, Ryan, andâŠâ But you were already nodding off again, Ryanâs bearded chin pressed against your forehead. You woke up a few hours later, and though the bed next to you was empty, you could hear the sounds of Ryan playing guitar from downstairs. Should I go down? Rolling onto your back, you stared up at the ceiling, straining your ears to hear what he was playing. I canât tell, I⊠You rubbed your eyes and sat up, making your decision.Â
 The stairs didnât squeak, but you still paused at the bottom of them, listening. He was playing something original - or, if it wasnât, you didnât recognize the song - picking through the notes and humming under his breath. Heâs inspired here, we havenât even been⊠âYou gonna come over here, or just stand there and snoop?â Shit. You moved across the floor and down the short hallway, curling up in the center of the couch. âI didnât wake you up, did I?âÂ
 âNo, I just ⊠rolled over and you werenât there, and I heard you, soâŠâ
 âFelt like I had to play.â He glanced over at you, fingers still picking out notes. âSeeinâ Ginny, talking about Cowboy, even a little, itâŠâ I get it. âBeinâ back here, itâsâŠâ I donât know if I want to hear this.Â
 âHey.â You pulled the blanket off the back of the couch, covering yourself. âKeep playing, Ryan.â The look on his face grateful, Ryan smiled and turned his attention back to the instrument in his hands - your fatherâs guitar. Heâs in Utah and heâs not playing his⊠Eyes on Ryan, you watched him play for a while, feeling yourself growing tired again as his words and the strumming - now much quieter - lulled you back to sleep.Â
---
 Ryanâs POV
 He woke before you the following morning, stretching in the large bed and turning his head to face you as the pale sunlight filtered in. Weâre in Utah. He hadnât been back for nearly three years, but knowing that the mountains were just outside the windows, that the sleepy little town of Ogden was waiting for him to explore it, Ryan felt excitement. Not because sheâs here, but because you are, he thought as he stared at you, your hair spread out over the pillow. Gonna show you the best parts of this place. He finally rolled away from you, reaching for his phone, and was surprised to see that it was barely eight, meaning heâd only gotten five and a half hours of sleep. Get up, go shower. He took a breath and rolled again toward the edge of the bed, but before he could swing his legs over the side, he felt your hand pressed against his spine. âWhere you goinâ, Ry?âÂ
 You mumbled the words and he froze, pausing long enough for you to remove your hand before he turned to face you again. âGonna get up, itâs -â Your eyes were still closed, but he watched as you cracked one open, face still pressed against the pillow. âWhy?â
 âWhat time is it?â You cleared your throat as he told you, groaning. âWeâre on vacation. Stay in bed.â Yawning, you hummed as you let your breath out. âIâm not getting up yet.â Of course you arenât. He watched you for a few seconds before making his decision, moving across the mattress and pulling you into his arms and against his chest. How can I say no? Ryan felt your lips press against his skin as you rested your hand against his ribs, and he relaxed back into the sheets, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Sheâs right, itâs a vacation. Your breath evened out as you drifted back off, and Ryan wasnât far behind you, his arms tightening around your body.Â
 ---Â
 Both of you finally woke up around ten and after showering - separately - and eating a late breakfast, you decided that youâd spend the day exploring the city. Heâd been running through a list of places that he enjoyed, wanting to be sure that you saw them, but when Ryan tried to list things out for you, you tossed your head back, laughing. What? âRyan, what happened to spontaneity?â You were sitting on the bench at the dining room table, one foot raised to the surface of the wood, both arms wrapped around your bent knee. âI know you have a lot you want me to see, butâŠâ Cocking your head to the side, you smiled at him. âWonât it be better if we just kind of⊠get there?â At his silence, you widened your eyes, sitting up straight. âI mean, we canâŠâÂ
 âNo, youâre right.â Ryan moved across the room, sitting down on the bench with you. âI just want to be sure you seeâŠâ What do I want her to see? âWant you to understand why being here was important to me, even if⊠I couldnât stay here.â He watched as you frowned at him, thinking through all of the possible places for you to go. âWhy donât we start with the Station?â Ryan reached up, running his fingers through his hair. âThereâs a couple museums in there, some galleries⊠and then when weâre done, we can just walk down 25th⊠thatâs the main street here.â You watched Ryan with curiosity, and he continued. âRestaurants and more stores⊠you can see the mountains⊠itâsâŠâÂ
 âSounds good, Ryan.â You stood, turning to look down at him. âWe should go, that way weâll be downtown when the sun sets.â He stood too, reaching out and closing his fingers around your wrist as you began to walk toward the door. âW-â
 âCâmere.â Ryan tugged on you, waiting until you were facing him to speak again. âIâm glad youâre here with me.â You licked your lips, staying quiet. âYou gotta understand that IâŠâ
 âI get it.â Your voice was quiet, but Ryan heard a hint of sadness in it. âThis isnât easy for you. This is the last place you thought about⊠staying.â Is that it? âBut I want to see it, see how you see it, becauseâŠâ You frowned, but before Ryan could speak, you continued. âItâs personal to you, the same way it was when I showed you Philadelphia, and the same way it would be if we ever go back to -â
 âNo.â He shook his head, feeling his body tense. âItâs completely different from Vegas.â His free hand found its way to your hip, his head still moving from side to side. âThat was the beginning of something, this place, Ogden⊠itâs nothing like that. Not even close.â He paused, closing his eyes and for a moment picturing Jackieâs face, the way sheâd looked at him as she watched him play with Georgie the first time. No. âI learned somethinâ here, but it wasnâtâŠâ Ryan leaned in, pressing his lips to yours and feeling your immediate response. âWasnât as important.â You laughed quietly but nodded, whispering his name before he kissed you again, this time letting his lips linger, fingers tightening around your wrist. âLetâs go see some trains, yeah?âÂ
 ---Â
 A few hours later, you and Ryan were in the second gallery, holding his hand as your arms hung between your bodies. Youâd made your way through the indoor portions of the museum, excitedly reading the information and listening as Ryan showed you around, and he was happy to see that you seemed to be enjoying yourself. Why wouldnât she? This is what she does. Being back in the building brought back a lot of memories; things he hadnât thought about for years. Heâd remembered watching Lia and Jackie sing together, the way that heâd seen for the first time what the woman was capable of when she stopped thinking and let herself act on instinct, the way seeing that had led to the first time heâd seen her at her realest - terrified at the thought of losing her daughter on the sidewalk in front of the building, Ryan doing what he could to reassure her that Lia wasnât going anywhere. I canât be thinking of this, it isnât fair it⊠You were right there next to him, fingers linked together as you browsed, wandering through the galleries and the other portions of the interior of the large space, and he was having a difficult time keeping himself in the present. But I canât let it⊠He thought back to the conversations he and Jackie had after that night, the way things had shifted, becoming somehow more and less comfortable between them in the same moments, the way that his mind had screamed âgoâ as soon as heâd found out about Cowboy, even though everything he knew should have convinced him otherwise. As the two of you made it through the second gallery, you murmuring about the art and leaning in to inspect the pieces more closely, Ryan closed his eyes, swallowing as he remembered the feeling in his chest as heâd hurried back to Utah, back to her, back to... Stop. None of that matters, not anymore. âRyan?âÂ
 He opened both eyes and turned to look down at you, noticing that you were watching him intently. âYeah?â He tightened his hold on your hand, not knowing what else to say, and in a split second, he saw the look in your eyes change. Shit. âYou -â
 âYouâre thinking aboutâŠâ You pulled your hand back and Ryan let you do it, knowing better than to hold on more tightly. âIâŠâ He watched you swallow, struggling for words. âHow long⊠all day?â He hesitated for only a second and then nodded, feeling shame course through his body. Why am I doing this to myself? To her? âRyan, IâŠâ You took a step back, and he saw you curl your fingers into your palm, teeth digging into your lower lip. âI shouldnât have come here with you, not to Utah, not to -â He stepped closer again, eyes going wide and his hand shot out, fingers closing around your knuckles.Â
 âNo, donât say that.â He heard something in his voice that he was unfamiliar with, but Ryan felt his heart pounding in his chest. âLook.â You froze as he touched you, but didnât pull away. âI never said that beinâ here wasnât going to be strange for me. I havenât been in Ogden in years, and the last time I was here, it wasâŠâ Ryan wet his lips. âI had a lot goinâ through my head, and Iâm thinkinâ that I didnât⊠I didnât deal with all that as well as I thought I did.â He let out a deep sigh, stepping closer to you and reached up with his free hand, his fingers tracing over your temple and down your cheek. âIâm not thinkinâ about it, about her because thatâs what I want, Iâm⊠thinkinâ about everything because I canât help it.â Please understand. âIâm here with you because I wanna be. Thereâs no one else I want to be walking through here with, or seeinâ the ponies on 25th with later or headinâ back to the house with tonight.â You were watching him with a careful expression in your eyes, but he continued anyway, hand dropping to your shoulder. âI want you here with me. In Utah, in here, everywhere.â
 âDid you come here with her?â He heard the sadness in your voice, though you tried to disguise it. âWalk through -â
 âNo.â He shook his head. âWell, we came here together a couplea times, but it was never to see the exhibits, it was for events.â You watched him, waiting. âIâm not doinâ the same things with you that I did with her. I would never. You deserve more than that, but this is a small town, and so a lot of places areâŠâ Ruined? Full of memories? âReminders of the time I spent here.â Ryan watched you close your eyes before looking down, hair falling over your face as you moved. âLook, Iâd never lie to you about this. You asked, and Iâm tellinâ you the truth, because -â
 âI know, Ry.â You raised your head and he saw that your eyes were shining, lips firmly set. âBut it doesnât -â He surprised both of you by pulling you closer, wrapping both arms around you and tilting his head down to kiss the top of your head. I hope she can feel how fast my heart is beating, how this is botherinâ me. It took a second, but you wound an arm around him, fingers hard against the skin of his back.Â
 âIâm in love with you, you know that.â His words quiet, Ryan rocked slowly from side to side before straightening up, saying your name. âI canât help -â
 âLove you too, Ryan.â You reached up with one hand, swiping beneath your eyes. âItâs just hard because I know that you⊠cared, and itâs like I shouldnât be here because itâs-â Ryan cut you off with a firm shake of his head. âWhat?â
 âShe lives here, she doesnât own this place. You have as much a right to be here as she does, and⊠and Iâm sorry that I ruined the day, because I was lookinâ forward to -â
 âDidnât ruin anything, Ryan.â You sniffed, drawing your lower lip into your mouth. âIâm just being stupid, I -â Stupid? No way. âI know that you⊠fuck.â He watched as a tear slipped from one eye, dripping slowly down your cheek. He wanted nothing more than to kiss you, but didnât, instead drawing you closer again and just holding you. Nothing I say is going to help. âHey.â You pulled away from him, gesturing toward the exit. âI think Iâm done in here, can weâŠâ He was moving before youâd finished, leading you toward the door, and within 30 seconds, the two of you were outside, the chilly air feeling slightly warmer in the bright sunlight.
 âHey, stop.â Ryan planted his feet, crossing his arms over his chest and saying your name again. âYouâre gonna tell me not to apologize, so I wonât.â He watched as you raised an eyebrow. âBut I want you to know that I wasnât⊠it wasnât this whole time, I⊠I wasâŠâ He looked past you, wrinkling his nose. âI got caught up inâŠâ Itâs been years and Jackieâs still ruininâ everything. âIt wonât happen again. Not in Ogden, not -â
 âYou canât promise me that.â You shrugged, fingers moving through your hair. âI know youâll try, but we canât help what we think about or when.â You glanced upward and then back at him. âI donât like being jealous, Ryan. Not of a memory, not of someone right in front of me, not even⊠itâs not fun.â No, itâs not. âBut I canât help it, because I donât like thinking of you with-â
 âThen donât.â He reached out, taking your hand, and was grateful that you let him. âI sure as hell donât wanna think about you with some other guy, so I get it.â You laughed at that, even as the two of you moved toward where the train cars were parked, a few people passing by as you walked. âNever been over here before, itâs always been closed, but Iâve wanted toâŠâ He paused. âGo inside the engine, see-â
 âSee what you were riding around on all those years?â You elbowed him, a slightly more neutral tone in your voice. âYou saw the open sky from the boxcars, Ry, but never theâŠâ She gets it. âLetâs go, what are you waiting for?â He stopped on the sidewalk, angling his body toward yours. âRyan?â
 âAre we alright?â He didnât even want to ask, but knew that he had to. âI need to know before we keepâŠâ
 âYes.â You said the word with conviction, stepping close and pressing your hand against his chest. âI just got upset for a second, but Iâll be fine. Iâm not going to let it⊠ruin this, ruin our..â Your fingers bent slightly, digging into his skin. âWeâve still got a few hours before the streetlights come on, Brenner. Letâs get you back on a train.â In disbelief, Ryan watched you, breath caught in his throat. Is she really alright? Is this⊠But you caught him off guard again by rising onto your toes to kiss him, lips warm as they met his. Ryan lifted a hand to the back of your head, tilting his to the side, but didnât press his luck and pulled back after a few seconds. âW-â
 âGotta keep my hands offa you in public.â He grinned, knowing that things still werenât perfect, but wanting to keep the mood light. âBut when we get back to the house tonight?â It was his turn to raise an eyebrow. âNo promises, if youâllâŠâ You winked, the excitement in your eyes something he was thrilled to see. âGood.â Ryan rolled his neck without looking away from you. âCâmon, letâs get on that train.âÂ
 ---Â
 Your POV
 After the tense few minutes in the museum and the parking lot, things relaxed between you and Ryan, but you were still less excited than you had been when you woke up, and you were apprehensive about what was to come. I knew something was wrong. I knew he⊠Youâd felt the distance growing as you made your way through the museums, which had been filled with things that youâd enjoyed looking at and learning about, but when it had become apparent that he was barely listening to you, youâd called Ryan out - not wanting to be right. But I was. Jackieâs presence loomed over you, and even though you believed him when he said he wanted to be there, that he was in love with you, that being back in Ogden was just hitting him harder than he thought it would, you knew that you and Ryan would have to work hard to recover the day⊠if it was at all possible. It is. It has to be.Â
 Ryan talked about the trains as you made your way past the row of them, pointing out the differences, and you realized that not only had he spent a great deal of time on them, but that heâd also learned about the vehicles, wanting to better understand his primary mode of transportation. âYou wanna come in with me?â The two of you stopped next to the engine that youâd be able to enter, but rather than giving him an answer, you stepped back, reaching for your phone. âWhat are you -â
 âItâs a good shot, Ryan. You and theâŠâ You gestured. âThe colors, and the mountainsâŠâ He looked surprised but didnât argue with you, and even though you didnât have your main camera, you took a few shots with your phone, giving him directions but overall just letting him stand how he wanted to, knowing that it was better that way. âGot it, Ry.â You put your phone back into your pocket, stepping over to where Ryan still stood, his hands in his pockets and a thoughtful look on his face. âWhat?â
 âYou still wanted toâŠâ He looked down, shrugging. âNothinâ. Donât worry about it.â Ryan leaned over, putting his arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer for a few seconds. âLetâs go in and see it, and then we can head up 25th and stop for somethinâ to eat.â Slightly confused at his refusal to answer your question, the two of you stepped up into the engine, making your way through the cabin. It didnât take long, but you saw Ryanâs eyes light up as he stepped down the narrow aisle toward the cab, taking a seat in the engineerâs chair, long fingers wrapping around the gear knob as you stood behind him, watching. His fingers moved over everything, trailing over the buttons and knobs, and you pulled your phone out again, snapping pictures. This is him. This is âŠÂ
 By the time you made it down the hall and through the sleeping quarters, stepping onto the small ledge that would have been between the engine and the first car, Ryan was fully back with you, holding your hand tightly and pulling you into the conversation, doing his best to answer questions for you. You didnât know exactly what he was talking about, but the tone of his voice made you happy, and you could tell that he was happy, too. âHow close did you⊠stay to the engines, Ryan?â Your eyes moved over his form, the mountains behind him, the way he was leaning against the metal exterior of the train. âNot too close, right? Or they wou-â
 âIt depended on what kinda train it was. The boxcars were no big deal, I could pull myself into one pretty much anywhere, because they couldnât see me in âem, but the open cars, the gondolas?â He shook his head. âHad to pick those a little more careful, because if I jumped into one anâ it wasnât completely empty? Itâs easier to be seen, so I picked those when I was only goinâ a short trip, or when it was warm enough that I could sleep outside anâ watch the sky.â He had a faraway look in his eyes for a minute, but then he looked back at you and they focused. âI miss it, sometimes, but not because I miss the travelinâ, I just miss⊠it was open, you know?â You did, and so you nodded, thinking about the nights youâd slept on beach chairs, the fields youâd sat in long after dark just to hear the sounds of nature around you.Â
 âI get it, Ryan.â Swallowing, you let your eyes scan the horizon again, focusing in on the tops of the mountains in the distance, still over his right shoulder. âFreedom, things being unpredictable, the -â
 He stopped your words by kissing you again, surging forward and threading his fingers through your hair, palm pressed against your cheek. It surprised you but you didnât stop him, instead raising your hands to close them around the material of his jacket, pulling him close to you. He didnât hold himself back, his other arm going around your waist as he coaxed your lips apart with his tongue, and you sighed quietly. How can I doubt anything with him? Ryan finally pulled back, his eyes warm in the afternoon sunlight, and didnât speak, instead watching you and waiting. What? You felt your lips quirking up into a smile at his stare, and after long seconds, Ryan leaned in again, lowering his lips to your ear. âIâm right here with you, I promise.â I know you are, Ryan, I just⊠He kissed the side of your face, running his nose along your cheek and then backed off, taking a breath. âYou ready to see 25th?âÂ
 âYeah.â You lowered your hands, taking one of his again and squeezed. âThink I am.â
---Â
 By the time it was getting dark, youâd made your way up 25th street and to the amphitheater, walking through the open space - most of it still snow-covered aside from the paths, Ryanâs arm around your shoulders. After stopping for pizza at a tiny shop on the corner of Lincoln, you werenât hungry, and were finally starting to relax again, welcoming Ryanâs company and the stories he told you about the restaurants on the street, the shops that lined it. It was hard for you to believe that heâd only spent a few months in the city, but you realized that heâd been trying to learn about the place heâd considered settling, and it startled you. He really tried. He really thought⊠But the closer you listened, walking with him, you heard in his voice that he was talking about each location with a detached tone of voice. He knew the places but had no connection to them, could tell you what they were like, but didnât have many important memories. He didnât talk about Ogden the way that he spoke about Chicago or Seattle or even Charleston - and you knew without a doubt that Ryan hadnât ever felt a real connection to the city, no matter what heâd tried to do. But the pizza was good.Â
 âSo thereâs a brewery,â Ryan said, leaning over to talk into your ear again, the sounds of the increasing number of cars making it a little more difficult to hear. âCalled Roosterâs, itâs on the other side of the street.â He cleared his throat. âI worked there a couple weeks when I was livinâ here, and theyâve got good food, beerâs better than average.âÂ
 âWe should go.â You nodded, eyes moving to your left and finding the illuminated sign. âLooks like my kind of place.â He laughed from next to you, and you glanced up in time to see him nod his head. âWeâll Uber, that way we can both drink, and not worry about getting back to the house.âÂ
 âDefinitely.â He raised his arm to point out another of the colorful horses, this one illuminated by a small light mounted to the base, though you didnât stop to look closely. They were scattered on the sidewalks, and Ryan told you that they were set up each year to go along with the largest Rodeo event in the area, and youâd taken pictures with some of them, Ryan even posting one on his Instagram page of him with a golden horse, reared up on its hind legs. The project was interesting to you, and you knew that youâd be bringing your camera with you the next time you came downtown, documenting things with the powerful lens. I can still enjoy Ogden, even⊠itâs great for pictures.Â
 Ryan took your hand as you walked back down the well-lit street toward Union Station and the car, still talking and pointing out the places where heâd played, the spots where heâd had the best luck. Stopped and waiting for a light to change so that you could cross back over Lincoln, Ryan was gesturing down the street to a tattoo shop that heâd said he contemplated getting a tattoo done at when he trailed off in the middle of a sentence. âRyan?â You frowned as you looked up at him, seeing his eyes focused ahead of you. âWhatâsâŠâÂ
 âNothing, I justâŠâ He shook his head, looking down. âThought I sawâŠâ He chewed on his lip, taking a deep breath. âJust seeinâ things, itâs no big deal.â The light changed and you started walking again, Ryanâs steps slowing slightly as you passed an Italian restaurant called Rovaliâs, the bright lights from inside spilling out onto the sidewalk. You slowed too, eyes scanning the windows, and though you felt him stiffen next to you, you didnât need him to explain why. Oh, shit. Jackie was seated at the window table, a young blonde girl next to her and a handsome - though nondescript man across from her, wide smile on his face. Sheâs right there. She⊠Seeing the woman for the first time, even though glass, was a shock to you, because though you knew what she looked like, you were unprepared for the wide smile on her face as she spoke to her husband and then the server, the way you heard Ryan inhale from next to you as he watched the three of them.Â
 He squeezed your hand more tightly but you were frozen, heart pounding in your chest as you watched the woman through the glass, and then, just as you were steeling yourself to start walking again, her gaze moved to the window, landing on your face for a moment - and then, as if she recognized you, immediately sliding to your right, where Ryan was standing. Move. Walk. Donât stand here. You took a step forward, though you were unable to look away as she stared at Ryan through the window, her eyebrows shooting up, lips freezing in a smile, but it wasnât until heâd started moving too that you felt yourself breathe again. Just get back to the car, get back to the house, get⊠Ryan didnât speak as you moved, the people you passed on the sidewalk allowing you space, and even though you didnât let go of Ryanâs hand, you relaxed your grip on it, knowing that he felt the change. Sheâs right there, what are the odds? What if she comes out, what if⊠It was less than a block back to the parking lot, and when you reached the crosswalk at Wall Avenue, you glanced from side to side before walking through the red light and across the street, not pausing the way that you should have.Â
 âHey.â He spoke loudly, following as closely behind you as he could, hurrying you across the street and past the fountain, which was illuminated in the darkness. Ryan said your name as you reached the curb and you finally stopped, turning to face him and pulling your hand away from his. âDonât do this.â He shook his head back and forth and you saw his eyes darken as he stepped toward you. âI didnât -â
 âI know you didnât, Ryan.â You reached up, rubbing at your face. âBut thatâs my luck. That weâd⊠that sheâdâŠâ You were suddenly tired, the good feeling that had slowly returned throughout the previous few hours gone, and wanted nothing more than to be back at the house. Maybe Iâll have a beer and sit in the hot tub, maybe Iâll⊠âI want to go home, Ryan.â You shrugged, reaching into your purse for the keys to your car. âIâm just⊠done with today.â You swallowed, looking over his shoulder and half expecting to see the woman making her way down the sidewalk to where you stood. âI need -â
 âCan I drive?â He was watching you, speaking cautiously. âI know itâs your car and all, but I donât ⊠youâre upset, andâŠâ You handed the keys over to him without speaking, fingertips brushing his palm, but neither of you said anything else as you headed back to your parking spot, Ryan clicking the car unlocked as you reached it. What did he see in her? You stared out the window as he drove, the interior of the vehicle silent except for the low sound of the radio. Did this⊠are we⊠Ryan kept both hands on the wheel, his eyes focused on the road, and you were reminded of the apprehension youâd felt on the way home from finding him in Philadelphia, like there was more unsaid between the two of you than you could ever hope to say out loud. But this time, itâs aboutâŠYou took a long breath, staring out the window at the houses you were passing, but couldnât bring yourself to look at Ryan. He⊠they... She was⊠âYou want me to park in the garage, orâŠ?âÂ
 âDrivewayâs fine.â You were unbuckling the seat belt before heâd removed the keys from the ignition, and you heard the wavering of your voice. Shit. âThanks for driving, Ryan.â You sat in total silence for a few seconds and when you finally brought your gaze up to his face, you saw that Ryan was watching you with a worried look in his eyes. âI need a ... â You stopped, thinking. What do I need? âI need some time, Ryan, that was ⊠I wasnât... â You pushed your door open, getting out and then leaning back into the car, sighing. âJust give me a âŠâ
 âWhatever you need, I donât want toâŠâ He shook his head, leaning toward you in the darkness. âJust donât leave, yeah?â I wouldnât. I⊠I couldnât. Promising him that you wouldnât go further than the back yard, you used the code to unlock the gate, removing the cover of the hot tub and turning it - along with the overhead lights of the covered patio on before heading into the house through the garage. Ryan was sitting on the couch as you walked by, holding your guitar in his hands, but he didnât speak as you went up the stairs and into the bedroom. By the time you were changed and wrapped in one of the large towels, he was playing and singing - loudly - voice echoing in the open room. He sounded sad, singing strained as he made his way through one of his original songs, but you didnât stop, walking out the sliding glass door and into the backyard, bare feet moving quickly over the cold cement. Tossing the towel onto one of the chairs, you climbed into the steaming, bubbling water, sinking in to your neck and closing your eyes, trying to clear your mind. None of it matters. Donât let itâŠÂ
 But even over the rumbling of the bubbles coming out of the vent next to you, and despite the closed door, you could hear the loud twang of Ryanâs guitar strings as the tears started rolling down your cheeks.Â
---Â
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Just a Place - Part 8
Pairing: Ryan Brenner x Reader
Word Count: 8180
Rating: M (language, implication of sex)
Summary:Â You and Ryan continue your life together - moving from city to city, but with purpose. You have your 2nd exhibit opening, meet more of his friends, and then, again, someone from his past reaches out.Â
Authorâs Note: Uh, it took me six months to get this out, and I feel terrible. (I know I wrote (s)Heâs a Tiger and some drabbles for them, but I cannot and will not continue to neglect Ryan. Promise. While I didnât write it with her in mind, this chapter is dedicated to @gollyderekâ ... because who doesnât want a little Ryan Brenner on their birthday? Happy birthday, Laura!Â
Your POVÂ
The trip to San Francisco had been a whirlwind; your second exhibition opening going much more smoothly than the first. To start, you had help with setting up the show, your time spent in the gallery passing more quickly because you were rarely alone like you had been in Philadelphia. The biggest difference, though, had been that Ryan was there to help you - and heâd built the freestanding walls by hand, the sound of his voice echoing off of the walls of the room as he sang to himself while he worked. It comforted you, and youâd caught yourself grinning more than once while you sat at the small table in one corner of the room, signing the matted images in golden ink and numbering them just in case they happened to sell. Andrea had been present often while you prepared the space, introducing you and Ryan to her wife Joanna, and Ryan had quickly charmed the woman, as per usual.Â
 By the time your opening night came, you werenât even nervous anymore, and you knew that it was because Ryan was there with you, his dark eyes watching your every move, never far from you and yet giving you all of the space you needed. His arrival to the city had been a surprise for you; youâd expected him to give you flight information so that you could pick him up, but instead heâd showed up on the morning of the 29th, at the hotel room youâd booked, two quick knocks on the door and nothing else. Needless to say, youâd been late getting to the gallery to begin your setup, but it didnât matter because with Ryanâs help, you finished things in double time.Â
 Though the trip was only a few days long, it was nice to be on the coast again, to be away from Middle America, to be in charge of something. You loved that Ryan was taking the lead on so many things - the houses with David, finding the place in Olathe, the independent remodel - but the show was yours, something for you to obsess over, to plan, to see through. The opening had been wonderful, the guests friendly and interested, you answering their questions without hesitation. Ryan had even made some connections; people had been all too excited to talk to him after seeing that he was again the only human subject in your images. Youâd used the pictures of him from Las Vegas, repeating the enlarged one in the center of the exhibit - but this time, youâd asked him to sign the back of the ones he was in, too, his eyes going wide as you handed him the pen. âItâs about you, too, Ry.â
 Though there had been no sunroom for Ryan to lead you to after the drive back to your hotel, youâd spent the remainder of the night in much the same way you had after the first, dozing off at sunup and waking up just early enough to take showers before rushing back to the airport to make it back to Kansas. Since youâd been so focused on your show, Ryan had acknowledged his words from the night heâd called from Phoenix but hadnât explained them, promising instead that youâd talk when you returned to the house. But when you got back there, the fixtures and tile had been delivered, meaning that the two of you were busy again for a few days, making as much progress as you could on the house before youâd needed to call an electrician to come out and rewire the electrical lines properly.Â
 There wasnât much you could do while you waited, and so finally, one morning about a week after you and Ryan had returned from San Francisco, you approached him with a coffee mug in your hands as he laid on his back on the couch, reading through a notebook full of his lyrics. âRy?â He immediately looked up at you, lips curving into a smile. âYou said we needed to talk, right?â He sat up, planting his feet on the floor and reached up for the mug, taking it from you as you lowered yourself onto his lap, his free arm curling around your waist.Â
 âI did.â You sipped from the coffee and waited. âItâs nothinâ bad, I -â
 âI didnât think it was⊠not after youâŠâ You shook your head, reaching up to run your fingers through his hair, head shaking back and forth. âNot after you said you were gonna come to San Fran, anyway.â Youâd never tell him how it had felt to hear him say the words âIâm not coming homeâ to you, separated by thousands of miles after two weeks of spotty contact. Youâd never tell him, but you suspected that he knew how heâd made you feel with those words, even though you didnât need him to explain himself. I thought he was leaving, I thought he was going to⊠âBut I still wanna know, Ry.â He stared at you for a few seconds, gathering his thoughts and then reached for the mug you held, leaning forward to put it on the crate that you were using for a table.Â
 âSoâŠâ He settled back, the hand on your hip slipping beneath the bottom hem of the shirt you wore, the rough fingers of his left hand moving against your skin. âSo you were right.â You turned your head toward him, puzzled. âI was off before I left, but I was off while I was travelinâ too.â What? âI wanna⊠I wanna be with my friends, record with âem, not do the, the whole studio thing, yeah?â You nodded. âAnd I think that⊠when I was in Arizona, talkinâ with Georgie, I realized that it wasnât that I was restless because I felt trapped here, like you thought.â I did think that. âStayinâ in one place, for months at a time used to scare the hell out of me, but when I⊠when Cowboy died?â Ryan shook his head back and forth slowly, eyes downcast. âHe left his wife, he left his kid. What I did - what we did was so dangerous, so damn stupid.â Ryan trailed off, thinking. âBut it was life, and I got used to it, and then I met you, and you just accepted it.â I did. âIâm making a mess of this, I know I am, but what it comes down to is that I wasnât off because I wasnât happy - I was⊠it scared me that it was so easy for me to make such a big... â He blew out a breath. âI wasnât expecting for it to be so easy for me to stop, to settle into a routine, to be with someone all the time, and then when it was, I didnât⊠I didnât trust it.âÂ
 It made sense to you, the way that he was explaining it, and you were surprised that you hadnât picked up on his reasoning. Telling him as much, you shifted on his lap. âI thought you were restless because of me, Ryan.âÂ
 âYou?â You nodded. âWhy would you have beenâŠâÂ
 âRyan, I offered to move in with you the first night we found each other again, I know I came on a little strong.â He looked surprised at that, but you didnât let him speak. âAnd then after that, things just moved really quickly, and then we were buying a house, and moving again, andâŠâ You shrugged. âItâs a lot, and there were days where I just figured you were going along with it because you didnât know how to tell meâŠâ
 âI wouldnât. I wouldnât ever do that with you.â He said your name, drawing out the end of it. âI mean it. It wasnât because of you, it was because of me.â Ryan closed his eyes, tilting his head back. âI spent half my life livinâ day to day, and I got used to it - it was a routine for me, anâ then when I found a new routine? It was different. But I didnât want to think about what it meant.âÂ
 âWhat does it mean, Ryan?â He looked back at you, the most honest expression that youâd ever seen him wear on his face.Â
 âIt means that my life is about more than music, more than travel, more than⊠more than me.â He paused. âI told you before that Iâve never felt like someone wanted to build somethinâ from the ground up with me, they just wanted to fit me into their life, like a piece that was missinâ, and Iâve never felt that with you.â Because Iâve never done that, I never⊠âBut.â He grinned. âIt took you telling me to go for me to figure out that you werenât giving me a choice between you and the road like J... like she did.â You nodded, noting the catch in his voice. âYou werenât tryinâ to make me pick between you and that life, anâ I figured it out.â Ryan leaned in, nose brushing against yours. âAll on my own.â He kissed you, his thumb trailing around the curve of your ear as he pulled away. âAnd as soon as I did, it was like I couldnât get back to you soon enough, even though I knew I had to wait a few days.âÂ
 âDid you miss me, Ryan Brenner?â Your tone was breathy; you couldnât help it when he was that close to you, the scent of him invading your senses, his voice low and smooth in your ear. He nodded, lips moving over your cheekbone and then down, lingering against your jaw.Â
 âI didâ He sighed. âI donât like not talkinâ to you, even for only a few days, it reminds me of when I lost my phone.â You froze but recovered quickly, the arm that was around his neck tightening slightly, your fingers playing with the thick hair at the base of his skull. âI donât like feelinâ like that.â I donât either. âBut thatâs enough.â He cleared his throat. âThe point is that Iâm not leavinâ any time soon, and even though beinâ out and playing again was great, itâs not the same as it used to be. I was alone before, and that was fine, but Iâm not alone now, and I donât wanna be.âÂ
 âGood.â He kissed you again, this time softly, his hair falling over one eye and moving over your skin. âGood, Ry, because I donât either.âÂ
---Â
 The electrician came and went, bringing the house up to code, and with that done, you and Ryan blazed through the remainder of the renovations, finishing a few days after the 4th of July. Youâd watched the fireworks from the roof of the house, you and Ryan sitting together with his arms around you, his chin resting on your shoulder and you settled between his knees. It was humid with a slight breeze, but you didnât care, knowing that youâd be peeling your sticky clothes off of each other a few minutes after the fireworks ended anyway. As the splashes of color boomed in the sky above you, you felt Ryanâs lips moving against the back of your neck and then over your bare shoulder, the gentle hum coming from the back of this throat vibrating against your skin. I never wanna lose this. Â
 The house was listed for sale early the following week, Ryan handling everything, including working with the realtor to choose a starting price, and youâd watched his eyes widen when he received the paperwork. A little drywall and some new flooring goes a long way, Brenner. You knew that the summer months were a typically slow for buyers, but when, at the beginning of August, Ryan received three offers on the house, you werenât surprised. With the extra money from the last house heâd worked on with David and the profits from the current house, you knew that the amount of money Ryan had to his name was more than heâd ever realistically imagined heâd have at once in his lifetime - and you were happy for him.Â
 You moved out of Olathe and rented a place in Texas - not to renovate, but to live, and then headed south to Louisiana, visiting with one of Ryanâs old friends and her husband and kids. You knew what Fabienne had meant to him, and could immediately understand how heâd fallen under her spell. She was vibrant and friendly, welcoming the two of you into her home without pause, throwing her arms around Ryan and then around you, pressing a kiss to your cheek while telling you that you were going to be good friends and that she couldnât wait to show you her city.Â
 âIs it strange for you, Ryan?â You asked him as you laid in bed next to him later that night, wearing only one of his t shirts, Ryan dressed in a pair of athletic shorts. âTo think that weâre in the house with someone that you -â
 âNah.â He rolled toward you, using one large hand to push the hair out of your face. âFabi and I⊠itâs been a long time. We were never gonna last, and we both knew it even though we pretended it wasnât true for a while.â He smiled at you, and you both went silent, listening to the quiet hum of the air conditioner outside of the bedroom window. âWe had fun together, but she and Alex are perfect for each other, she was ready to stay long before I was.â He craned his neck to kiss you, pressing your back against the mattress. âIs it weird for you? Beinâ here, in bed with me, wearinâ my clothes, knowinâ that theyâre wonderinâ...â
 âI donât have anything to worry about with her, Ry, or with you.â You stared up at him, still able to pick out every one of his features, even in the darkness of the room. âTen years is ten yearsâŠâ Slowly, you dragged your nails down his chest, watching the slight flare of his nostrils and the way his tongue poked out from between his lips while he hovered over you. âAnd Ryan?â You used your free hand to pull his head down to yours again, sighing into his mouth. âSheâs been with you, she knows exactly what weâre doing in here.â He laughed, easing himself back on top of you and agreed, and by the time you fell asleep a long while later, you werenât wearing his shirt anymore.
 You stayed with Fabienne and Alexander for a week and a half, getting to know the couple and spending the rest of your time exploring the streets of New Orleans, Ryan taking his guitar and going back to places heâd played earlier in his life. He fit in with the city and surrounding area just as well as you knew heâd fit into a place like Memphis or Nashville, slipping into street performances and onstage at bars, fingers moving quickly over the frets and strings of his guitar, soulful voice loud in your ears. Watching him was like being in a trance, and a quick glance around whatever area you were in confirmed that others felt the same, too.Â
 But you always made it back to their home to sleep, using the spare key that Alexander had slipped into your hand while you ate beignets at Cafe du Monde, taking a break from the heat and humidity and letting Ryan and Fabi play. Youâd been surprised that he was fine with letting you stay, knowing that he was aware of the relationship that his wife had had with Ryan, but heâd explained his feelings to you over coffee the second night, his green eyes full of honesty.Â
 âThey werenât together long, and they were both pretty young. I know it was serious and I know that they cared for each other, but it was before ⊠before weâd met.â You watched him stare at you, deep in thought. âShe told me that she felt terrible about ending things with him, but that she needed to do it before he⊠before they hurt each other more and lost each other for good.â Ryan had told you the same, his words hesitant while he explained that heâd loved the woman but didnât think heâd been in love with her, despite what his hormones had allowed him to believe. âI fell in love with her the day I met her.âÂ
 âReally?â He nodded, smiling at you over the rim of his cup. âThatâs gotta be a good story.âÂ
 âIt is.â He leaned back in his chair, the thumb of his right hand rubbing against the wedding band he wore on his left, still smiling. âCame here on vacation with my brother. We wanted to do the typical tourist shit, you know? I was twenty five, and hadnât ever had anything long term. She was singinâ on the sidewalk, right there for everyone to see, and I heard her before I saw her - and I knew.â You widened your eyes, remembering walking up to Ryan, hearing him play his guitar, seeing him sitting on his crate for the first time. âAsked her to get a drink that night, and told my brother not to expect me back in the room.â He shook his head, the look in his eyes far away. âWe stayed out til sunrise, and even though I had to leave a couple days later, I was back here after two months.âÂ
 âYou uprooted your life for her?â
 âYes. And I havenât regretted it once.â He shook his head. âWe dated for a little over a year, I proposed and we got married six months later. Ryan was there, he came back for it.â Alexander laughed. âThis was⊠three years after they broke up? He came back through a few times, stopped in, stayed overnight, but I never... He was always so nice, so good with Cecily when she was little⊠â Alexander nodded his head. âRyan wouldnât ever try anything with someone elseâs woman, and that was one of the first things he said to me when I met him.âÂ
 âIâm not surprised.â You chewed on the nail of your thumb for a few seconds. âFirst night we met, he was⊠nice, but didnât try anything, was just friendly.â The man watched you. âAnd even⊠the next night, when we talked for the first time? Even after I invited him back to my room to get out of the rain? He asked before he kissed me for the first time, then made sure that there was no oneâŠâ
 âHeâs a good guy, and there arenât many people that live like him that are asâŠâ Alexander paused, narrowing his eyes as he thought. âAs concerned with what people think of âem.â You nodded, realizing that he was right. âI was happy to have him there for the wedding, and Iâm just as happy to have the two of you here now. Soâs she. She always⊠sheâs always gonna a soft spot for him, and I canât blame her for that. I trust her, and I trust him.âÂ
 After leaving Louisiana - and the woman whoâd said goodbye to both of you with kisses on the cheek, Ryanâs skin flushed pink as youâd turned and walked through the doors of the airport - you and Ryan moved further west, spending the end of summer and beginning of autumn in Texas. He played music, adding to his bank account, recorded a few songs, and you took freelance photography jobs, filling in gaps of time while you lived out of the house youâd rented. Both of you were living the lives that youâd been before you met with two big exceptions: the first being that youâd adopted some of each otherâs mannerisms, and the second that you two were together as often as possible. Ryan didnât travel by train or sleep on the couches of friends anymore, and you took the time to see the cities you stayed in, getting a feel for the people that lived in them instead of simply taking pictures of the spaces and moving on once youâd gotten âthe shotâ.Â
 You knew that youâd been fortunate in life, had been able to travel with your parents and for work and see places that most people only dreamed about, but theyâd just been trips to you, ways to pass the time. Youâd made a few memories, sure, but the more you traveled with Ryan, the more you realized that your first great memories started in Vegas - with him. You knew that the number of places heâd seen and been and the things that Ryan had experienced paled in comparison to your own extensive and privileged history, but Ryan took each day as it came, no matter what, finding things to be excited about, and the more time you spent with him, the more you tried to do the same.Â
 From Texas, you moved north, finding a clean, but outdated trailer to renovate in Durango, Colorado, going in half and half on the price. It had been on the market for months, so you got a great deal on it, and you spent your second Christmas together tucked into the cozy confines of the mobile home, snow falling outside the walls. You hadnât spent a Christmas in the snow in years, and even though it was even more low key than the one youâd had in Charleston, you enjoyed the second holiday with Ryan more, the tiny tree in the corner decorated with a few strings of lights and only the important ornaments hanging from the branches. It was a few days before Christmas when you got a phone call from Andrea, updating you that all of the pieces from your show that had sold had been packaged and shipped out to the buyers, and that you could expect to receive your pay shortly after the beginning of the year, along with some of the remaining images. âThere were people that actually bid on some of them,â the woman had said. âSo your take home was a little⊠higher than we expected it to be, even with some pieces unsold and a few others donated, plus our commission.â Youâd inquired as to the amount, but Andrea refused to tell you, which you thought was strange. âI promise you, the surprise will be worth it for you.âÂ
 New Yearâs Eve passed too, you and Ryan working side by side to renovate the trailer and get it ready to put on the market as soon as the weather turned. He was teaching you a lot about remodeling, and even though the snow - and the nearby parks and mountains kept you busy with your camera, you helped Ryan a lot more than you had in Olathe. The check from San Francisco showed up on January 9th, tucked into a thick envelope with the sale records, the remaining pictures and a handwritten letter from Andrea. The letter told you to contact her when you were ready for another show, that sheâd put you in touch with a few gallery options. But the amount listed on the check floored you, causing you to stand frozen in the middle of the kitchen, the paper clutched in your shaking hands. âWhatâs wrong?â Ryan walked into the room quickly, his arms going around you from behind. âYou OK?â
 âYeah, Ry, itâs⊠its from Andrea, IâŠâ You tilted the check, showing him the amount and heard his low whistle, felt his hold on you tighten. âItâs way more than⊠itâs just⊠theyâre just pictures, Ryan, itâs notâŠâ
 âItâs not just pictures.â He kissed you on the side of the head, taking a deep breath. âItâs art, and you deserve every penny of that.â You knew he was right, but it was still unreal to you to think that in the span of a year, youâd had not one but two shows, your art selling better than youâd ever imagined it would. This is enough to live off of for a year, and weâre still gonna make money with this place, I canât⊠âI think it stopped snowinâ outside.â Ryan said your name quietly, turning you to face him and pulling the check from your hand, setting it down on top of the envelope. âWe should go celebrate.â He leaned down, kissing you and keeping his hands at your waist. âLemme buy you dinner.â You nodded, agreeing and Ryan kissed you again, taking your lower lip between his teeth before pulling away to look into your eyes. âIâm proud of you.â You whispered his name, leaning even closer into him. âGet your boots on.âÂ
 You went out, even though the roads werenât great, and had a nice dinner, Ryan swatting your hand away when the waitress brought the check out and then taking it back in his as he led you out the door and to the bar next door to the restaurant for a drink. It was one of the ones he played at, and he played out often, still managing to network, even though he wasnât focused entirely on music during the winter months. Ryan was happy with the schedule heâd set for himself and you were happy to have Chris and Jameson stay with you for a few days the following week, the two men going along with Ryan to play at a bar downtown for one night with you tagging along to watch. Might not be his focus, but itâs still important to him, you thought as you watched the three of them onstage, the crowd totally engaged with their set.
 The next morning, they helped him carry in drywall sheets and wooden beams and planks, needing only a few trips into the house to get the supplies unloaded from the rented truck. The three of them gutted both bathrooms during the time they stayed, redoing the floors and walls in only a few days time, and you were impressed with how hard they worked to complete each room. You were proud of Ryan too, whoâd paid the men for the work they did, despite both of them insisting that a warm and safe place to sleep was enough. âYouâre gonna take this, and youâre gonna thank me,â he said as he shook his head at both men. âIt wouldnât be right for me to⊠we worked for hours.â
 You cooked for everyone every night, and even though there was only one bed in the house along with a single small couch, when youâd run to Walmart for groceries while they shopped at the hardware store, youâd picked up a new air mattress and extra pillows, along with a few extra towels, just so everyone was covered. It wasnât home, but you still wanted to be a good host and make sure Ryanâs friends were comfortable.
 The week after Chris and Jameson left, you got a text from Ryan while you were out taking pictures, asking you to come home. Worried, youâd stopped and climbed back into your car, thoughts racing as you made your way home. Heâd shoveled the driveway while you were out, and you made a mental note to thank him, but forgot what you were going to say as soon as you walked into the house. Ryan was sitting at the small kitchen table, hands folded in front of him, hair loose and hanging over his eyes. Whatâs going on? âRy⊠what⊠are you OK?â He looked up at you for a second, and you saw that his eyes were rimmed in red, though his cheeks were dry.Â
 âI just got a phone call.â He cleared his throat. âCome sit.â You did, slipping your boots off and making your way across the room, pulling a chair out and moving it around the table so that you were closer to Ryan before you sat. A phone call? The last time, it was⊠âGinny⊠Ginny wants me to come anâ see her and Henry.â Ryan looked up at you again, fear in his eyes. âHeâs gonna be four, and she thinksâŠâ He took a deep breath. âShe wants him to know Cowboyâs friends, thinks itâsâŠâÂ
 âThatâs great, Ryan, I know you miss her, and you miss him, and maybe seeing them willâŠâ You were smiling, leaning in to take Ryanâs hand in yours and squeezing. âIâm glad she called you, I know you said she didnât -â
 âThat meansâŠâ He looked up again, and you saw an uneasy look in his eyes. âMeans I gotta go back to Utah. Back to⊠Ogden.âÂ
 âOh, Ryan, IâŠâ Jackie.Â
 ---Â
Ryanâs POVÂ
 He watched as you stared at him, saw the change in your eyes, the way you tried to keep your expression even. Thatâs how I feel too. Heâd been thrilled to see Ginnyâs number on his phoneâs screen, happy to hear her voice after two and a half years ⊠but when sheâd said she got his new number from Georgie and asked him if he could swing by the next time he was passing through, Ryan had paused before answering. âI told her⊠told her what I.. what we were up to, and she was surprised.â Ryan forced a smile. âTold her Iâd try to make it out, but that with the weather, I didnât know how soon it would be.âÂ
 âOf course, Ryan, youâve got to be excited to get back out there and see them. Henryâs⊠heâs a little person now, and -â
 âStop.â Donât drag this out. âYou know what Utah means.â You flinched at that, but Ryan turned his hand over, his fingers curling around yours. âGinny said sheâs not livinâ with her mom anymore, her and Henry got their own apartment, but Ogdenâs small, and itâŠâ
 âRyan.â You scooted closer to him, shaking your head. âYou donât need to explain yourself.â You tilted your head back, staring at the ceiling. âI know youâre not going to go there and look for her.â You looked back at him and he felt his heartbeat speed up, eyes moving over your face quickly. âI hope you-â
 âWill you come with me?â The words came out in a rush. âI want you to meet my friends, and you canât meet Cowboy, but⊠but Ginny and Henry are -â
 âIf you want me to, Ry.â You moved your chair even closer, reaching out with the hand that he wasnât holding to push his hair away from his eyes. âJust let me know when.âÂ
---Â
 January slipped into February, and though little changed - Ryan still working with you to finish the house, playing out twice a week, writing music and updating his online accounts with videos - the closer spring got, the more anxious he was. It wasnât just that he was worried that he might run into Jackie or Lia in Utah, he was worried about seeing Ginny again after so long. Before, the three of them would go months without seeing each other, and then catch up as if no time at all had passed, but things were different - and Ryan knew it. Itâll be fine. She really wants me there, she wouldnât have called if she didnât.Â
 He worked hard on the house with your help, and by the time you were putting the finishing touches on it, it was nearly March, and the weather was finally clearing. You scheduled the home inspection, and once the man gave the go-ahead, you took photographs of the interior of the house, listing it for sale. âNow we wait, Ryan.â You were right, of course, and so the two of you busied yourself with exploring the city while you waited for buyers. He kept Ginny updated, sending messages back and forth with the woman, and when, finally, you accepted an offer from a buyer that was contingent on the bank fully approving the loan theyâd need, Ryan called his old friend again. He paced in the driveway as he talked, the sun warm on his shoulders though the air was still chilly. âHey, Ginny, the house⊠we found someone to buy it, soon as we get approval from the bank, we canâŠâ He took a deep breath, his eyes scanning the distant mountains. âWe can head up to you.âÂ
 âYeah?â He confirmed, and Ginny spoke again. âWeâre happy to have you, Ryan, but we got an apartment, and thereâs no room for you to -â
 âSâok,Ginny, weâll stay in a motel or somethinâ, itâs no big deal.â Heâd already figured that youâd stay somewhere else, and remembered that while there werenât a ton of hotels in the city, there were enough. âWeâll be drivinâ in, so gettinâ to you and Henry wonât -â
 âSheâs coming with you, Ryan?â Why wouldnât she? âI figuredâŠâ
 âShe wants to meet, you, Virginia.â His voice low, Ryan ran his hand through his hair. âYou and Henry, and I want her to, sheâŠâ Ryan drew his lower lip into his mouth, pausing. âYouâre gonna love her, Ginny.â And he really thought she would, could picture the two of you talking over coffee or dinner, sitting on the couch and trading stories about Ryan. Itâll be good.Â
 So you packed up your Colorado home, moving the few belongings you had into a small storage area until you knew where youâd end up next, you remarking to Ryan that your possessions were scattered across the United States and him replying by saying âyeah, but now it means you gotta go back to pick âem all up.â The smile you gave him made his chest tight; heâd never met anyone as excited about the prospect of travel as you, and that made him happier than heâd ever thought he could be without actually being on the road full time. The night before you were set to leave for Utah, you and Ryan were sleeping on the air mattress - the last thing in the house aside from your packed luggage and the two guitar cases - in the middle of the living room, but Ryan had woken up before your alarm, before youâd even moved from your position curled into his side.Â
 He stared over at you, shifting slightly against the soft surface of the airbed and used one hand to brush your hair away from your face, the tips of his fingers glancing off of your skin. He watched you in the low light that crept in around the corners of the drawn blinds, eyelashes fluttering against your cheeks as you enjoyed your last few minutes of sleep before getting into the car, and wondered how heâd gotten so lucky. Not only being with you, but finding you in the first place still seemed unreal to him on some days. After Jackie, heâd been resigned to being alone after seeing what being with someone had been like, what it had taken from him to even try, but in all those months knowing you, heâd never felt like heâd actually sacrificed anything - not once.Â
 Heâd been sleeping next to you for just shy of two years, telling you he loved you, doing what he could to take care of you, and youâd never once questioned his intentions or his ability to prioritize. Youâd never asked anything of him that you wouldnât have done yourself, and yet he knew that you still worried sometimes that you were asking too much of him. But the more he thought about the trip you were about to begin, the more he wondered if he was asking too much of you. He wanted you to meet Ginny and Henry, wanted you to meet Cowboyâs brother if he was still in town⊠but Ryan knew the risks, knew what going back to that snowy little town at the base of the mountains meant.Â
 It wasnât the trip itself he was worried about; the drive was easy. Itâs under eight hours. Less than a day. Ryan took a breath, tilting his head down to kiss the top of your head. Itâs what happens when we get there. âHey, sleepy.â His own voice low and thick, Ryan said your name. âTime to wake up.â You sighed, groaning, and scooted closer to him, your hand pressed against his bare chest. âCâmon, we get on the road by 5:30 we can be there by âŠâ
 âI know, Ryan, butâŠâ You leaned in, lips finding the skin at the base of his throat. âBut youâre warm, andâŠâ He heard you sigh, felt the rush of warmth hit him as you exhaled. âAnd Iâm comfortable andâŠâ
 âDonât lie to me.â He grinned, pushing you gently away from him, and at your reaction, he continued. âThis thingâs not made for two people. Weâre not comfortable.â But it was - to him - because he was used to sleeping on floors and the hard metal bottoms of train cars, and though he would have chosen any of them again in a heartbeat if it meant you had a comfortable place to sleep, Ryan was comfortable anywhere he was with you in his arms. âWe gotta get up, getâŠâ
 âI know.â You slowly sat up, hair falling forward and over one shoulder. âGotta get dressed and start driving to U-â
 âGinny.â He met your eyes without blinking. âTo her and Henry and a few days with my friends.â You wouldnât admit it to him, but he could hear it in that moment - when your guard was down as you chased the final remnants of sleep away - you were worried about what going to Ogden would bring. âItâs got memories, yeah, but Utahâs⊠just a place.â He shook his head. âJust a stop. Just a reminder of a couple⊠months of my life.â He swallowed, sitting up and hearing the mattress squeak beneath him. âItâs not about where Iâm goinâ anymore, itâs where Iâve been.â You widened your eyes and he reached out, running a thumb over the back of your hand. âLetâs get dressed, anâ get the car packed up.â You closed your eyes for a moment and then moved to get up, but Ryanâs fingers closed around yours. âWait.âÂ
 âWhat, R-â He leaned in, kissing you by surprise and after almost no time at all, you kissed him back, pulling your hand away from his to hold onto his upper arms, Ryanâs fingers tangling in your hair. âGood morning to you, too, Brenner.â He laughed quietly, swallowing, and then kissed you again, this time pressing his lips gently over different parts of your face. He started with your lips and then moved to your cheek, working his way back to your ear and then up to your temple, where they lingered. âThought you wanted to leave, Ry.â But you didnât pull away, instead using your fingers to tease the skin of his shoulders and upper back, grip tightening.Â
 âWe gotta.â He admitted it to you, sighing, and then leaned back, looking at you. âBut itâs our last morninâ here, andâŠâ He shrugged, tilting his head. âI had to continue the celebration from lastâŠâ You laughed, releasing his shoulders and stood, the bottom hem of his shirt barely grazing the tops of your thighs.Â
 âRyan, if we do that, we wonât be out of here for hours.â He lowered his head, fighting back a smile. âCome on, itâs not that long a drive, and weâll get there in time for lunch.â You took a few steps away from the air mattress and Ryan watched as you moved, eyes fixed on your bare legs. âGet up, Brenner, I donât hear you moving.â He swore as he stood, pulling his pants up a little higher and stepped over to where you were standing in front of the built in countertop, your clothes folded neatly on top of it. Ryan took a deep breath, his fingertips running up the backs of your legs as he stepped behind you.Â
 âPromise me somethinâ, alright?â He leaned in, burying his nose in your hair. âPromise me that when we check in - before we eat, before we go see Ginny, youâllâŠâ He gripped your hips tightly, fingers digging into your flesh and urged your them back and into his. âYouâll give me a few minutes of your time.â You groaned, moaning his name out quietly, elongating both syllables.Â
 âIâd give you all of âem, Ry.â You turned to face him, clothing forgotten. âEvery single one.â Good.  You both went silent, staring at each other, and then you rose onto your toes, your arms going around his neck. âI love you, Ryan.â You swallowed, his grip on your waist tightening. âSo much. I donât say it as often as I want to, because I donât want -â
 âNo.â He shook his head, ducking it down to meet yours. âYou tell me. You tell me whenever you want, becauseâŠâ He kissed you, but wasnât trying to start anything; he just wanted the feel of your lips against his. âBecause I know you mean it, anâ...â He kissed you again. âAnâ Iâll never get sick of hearinâ it.â You nodded but didnât say anything, and Ryan closed his eyes, squeezing them shut. âWe gotta get dressed, we need to get on the road, weâŠâ You pulled your arms from around him and turned, again grabbing the stack of clothes and making your way to the master bathroom.Â
 âIâll meet you by the door in five minutes.âÂ
---Â
 Youâd pulled out of the driveway at 5:36 am, only a few minutes after your initially planned time, and as Ryan watched the trailer fade from view, keys shut into the lockbox hanging on the back door, he grinned. Thatâs house number four. Little over a year and Iâve helped to flip four houses. It wasnât what he wanted to do with his life, but he had to admit that the money that heâd made from each of the renovations was more than heâd expected, giving him a safety net at the very least, and the comfort of knowing that no matter where he went - with you permanently or on his own briefly - he wouldnât have to worry about eating or finding a place to sleep. That had been the biggest struggle for him, he realized as he gave you his order under the bright lights of the drive thru menu. Heâd never seen himself as poor, but Ryan had lived hand to mouth for most of his adult life, relying on the kindness of strangers and the occasional splurge on a motel room with a larger group, but heâd never been well off, either. Not like her.
 He took the bag of food from you and unwrapped your sandwich partially, handing it back to you. âThanks, Ry.â You both chewed thoughtfully as you turned onto US-160, and Ryanâs eyes moved over the landscape from under the brim of his hat, everything still mostly hidden by darkness.Â
 Youâd never made him feel like his financial status mattered much to you. Even when he hadnât known how well off you were, Ryan simply assumed that you were like most people your age - a decent job, vacation time, spending a few days in Las Vegas with your friends, and enjoying the city. Youâd talked about money with him the second night over your shared meal, Ryan casually admitting that he normally wouldnât have been able to afford the room or the food you offered to him - but youâd ignored it, choosing instead to focus on him instead of digging into it further and questioning him. Thatâs not how it is anymore. He finished his first sandwich, balling up the wrapper and putting it back in the bag before pulling out hash browns, reaching over to pop a piece of one into your mouth so that you didnât have to pull your hands from the wheel. Iâm still not rich, but I donât need to be. I just need⊠He took a deep breath, turning his head to look at you. âThe last time I was goinâ this way to Utah, IâŠâ Ryan swallowed, surprised at his words. âIt was even colder than this, anâ I was in an open train car.âÂ
 âYeah?â You glanced over at him, smiling. âYou donât talk about that much, when you came to Utah for the first time.â
 âWasnât the first time, though.â He finished the potato, offering you one of your own but you shook your head. âWent to Salt Lake City for a couple days with Ginny and Cowboy a couple years before I ended up in Ogden, but I never made it that far north.â He settled back into the seat, eyes on the road in front of you. âBut never in winter before, so it was a surprise, kind of, anâ I wasnât⊠it was freezing.â You laughed, and Ryan continued to talk, filling the next hour and a half with a few stories about the ride up from Albuquerque, and by the time the sky was fully light and you were passing Monticello, you were both settled in. I have to say it.  âThere are things I wanna show you in Ogden, things⊠things I think youâll like.âÂ
 The sun was bright in the sky, so Ryan didnât miss the slight frown on your face. âThings you did with -â You were being unusually forward with your unease, letting it come through in your tone, and though Ryan appreciated it, he was unhappy that he was the cause of your conflicted feelings. âIt -â
 âYes.â He swallowed, shifting in his seat to look at you. âSome of âem. Itâs a small town, so thereâs⊠thereâs only so much that people canâŠâ He trailed off, waiting. âItâs a little like Durango, but the mountains are⊠they look different.â He reached out, putting a hand on your knee. âSki resorts close by, so thereâs lots of people there, tryinâ to get the last few days of the season in.â He thought back to his final few weeks in the city, taking a deep breath. âBut the town itself, you⊠youâll like downtown, youâll like Union Station.â He grinned. âThereâs a train museum in there.â You laughed at that, turning your head to look at him briefly.Â
âOh yeah?â He nodded. âBet you enjoyed that.â I did. âI looked into it, Ry, when you asked me to come with you?â He heard the change in your voice again, but this one was hopeful instead of apprehensive. âThereâs some sort of⊠dinosaur museum?â Ryan frowned slightly, thinking. âItâs not in the city, but I thought, maybe⊠I donât know, Henry might like it, if he hasnât been?â He felt his heart flood with warmth for you, his jaw dropping slightly. âWhat?â
 âYou looked up something to do with Henry?â Ryan sucked in a breath, free hand pulling the hat off and tossing it onto the dashboard of your car before he ran his fingers nervously through his hair. âWhy -â
 âBecause, Ry.â You glanced down, fingers tightening on the steering wheel. âItâs something for the three of you to do, so that you canâŠâ You trailed off again. âIâm not going to hover, Ryan. Iâm not going to follow you to their place or sit and just⊠be there the whole time while you guys catch up. I donât need to be, because this isnât about me, Ryan, itâs about you guys, and your memories, and I donât want to intrude.âÂ
 âYou donât have to -âÂ
 âNo.â You sighed, eyes still on the road from behind your sunglasses. âI do.â He watched as you bit your lip. âYou left pretty quick after the⊠after the funeral, right? Day or so later, you went to Portland?â He nodded. âAnd then when you went back, you were⊠focused on your own life.â You were right. Heâd seen Ginny and Henry a few times after returning to Utah, but sheâd been so distraught over the loss of Cowboy that theyâd been short visits, the woman so distracted and distant that Ryan had stopped trying as often, preferring to send messages instead of calling or stopping over while he focused on his crumbling relationship with Jackie. âYou guys need time. You need privacy, and you need something thatâs just for the three of you, and thatâs perfect.âÂ
 âIs it?â You nodded again, shoulders set, and Ryan couldnât help smiling, eyes closing briefly as he looked down.Â
 âYeah, what four year old doesnât wanna run around with dinosaurs all day?â Both of you laughed and Ryanâs attention was drawn by your removal of your glasses, turning your head so that you could look at him. âBut really, you guys will have a day to yourselves, and Iâll just⊠I donno, walk around and take pictures, find a cafe or something. Itâs fine, Iâm used to being in cities like this alone, itâs no different.â You returned your gaze to the road, going quiet.Â
 âYouâre wrong,â he replied after a few seconds, finding his words. âYouâre not alone this time, even if we spend the day apart.âÂ
---
Thank you for reading!
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SO WHAT YOU DID IT WITH RYAN BRENNER
⊠this isnât even a drabble anymore, itâs basically a one-shot. ** NL/JaP universe - AFTER they leave Charleston.**
Turns out I miss Ryan. Who would have thought?Â
Word Count: 3,291
He felt everything - the warmth of the lights, the energy from the crowd in front of him, the gentle vibration of the guitar that he held on his lap as he strummed it - but at the same time, Ryan felt nothing. Shouldnât be like this. Ryan took a deep breath and continued singing, his eyes opening as he scanned the crowd, taking everything in. I shouldnât⊠Shaking his head slightly, Ryan focused back on the music, leaning in closer to the microphone and feeling his lip curl as he pulled the words from deep within his chest. The song ended, notes fading away, and Ryan paused, catching his breath and reaching for the bottle of water on the small table next to him.Â
 âThank you.â He cleared his throat after swallowing, gripping the neck of the instrument with one hand and running his fingers through his hair with the other. âGot one more for you, and then Iâm gonna take a break.â He heard someone whistle and cracked a smile, nodding. âThen Iâll be back for the second half of my set.â He looked over the crowd again, catching the eye of a young woman that was grinning at him, arms crossed on the table she sat at, body leaning forward as if she was trying to get closer to him without leaving her seat. He was in Arizona, and because it was the beginning of summer, it was hot - meaning that she (and the other patrons in the bar) were dressed for the weather. She doesnât even know me. âI uhâŠâ He frowned and looked down at the guitar - yours - allowing himself a small smile. âI wrote this one last winter.â He strummed once, nodding. âWrote it for my girl⊠even though she wasnât really mine at the time, and I didnât know howâŠâ Ryan shook his head. They donât care. âAnyway. Itâs one of my favorites.â He sat up, cocking his head to the side and closing his eyes, fingers starting to move. I miss you.Â
 âÂ
 Between his sets, Ryan made sure to secure the guitar safely in its case, tucking it in the break room before he stepped back into the crowd, mingling. He had nearly 45 minutes before he was supposed to play again, and though he was more than happy to talk with the people that were there to watch him, Ryan desperately wanted some time alone to think. I need to⊠He pulled his phone out of his pocket while he waited for the bartender to get him a beer, thumbing away alerts and gritted his teeth as he saw that you hadnât messaged him. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to look, unsurprised to see that it was the woman from the table, her long, dark hair falling down her back and bright blue eyes shining, even in the low light of the bar area. âBuy you a drink, Ryan?â She licked her lips, nodding at the beer that the bartender had just set on the counter. âNext one, I mean?â
 Ryan picked up the glass, condensation dampening his fingers slightly as they curled around the smooth surface. âIâm actually covered here.â He took a long drink, swallowing as he thought. âI drink for free on the nights I play.â She laughed, and Ryan smiled at the sound, though he felt himself holding back a wince. It doesnât even soundâŠÂ
 âWell then maybe when youâre done, I can get you a drink from somewhere else.â She leaned in, pressing her lips together after signaling to the bartender that she wanted a new drink, too. âYou mentioned a girl, but it doesnât look like sheâs here.â Ryan felt himself inhale sharply, his grip on the drink tightening. âI-â
 ââPreciate it.â Ryan straightened up, shaking his head. âBut youâre right. Sheâs not here, and it wouldnât feel right if I let you do that.â He shrugged, watching as annoyance flashed in the womanâs eyes. âThank you for cominâ out to see me, though.â He smiled - a genuine one - and watched the womanâs eyes widen again. âIâll be here a couple more nights before I head out, and move onâŠâÂ
 âWell.â The woman held up her own glass, bringing the small straw up to her lips. âRyan Brenner, whoever your girl is is a lucky woman.â Is she? âNot many men would be faithful when youâreâŠâ She gestured to him with one hand, eyes roaming his body. âWell, you.â He laughed quietly, nodding. âWorth a shot right?â Ryan agreed and without saying anything else, he turned away from the bar and headed for the back patio exit, settling down on a low brick wall as he looked out over the desert, lights extending a few miles out and then stopping, disappearing almost completely into the darkness. Though heâd been in Arizona for weeks already, heâd only been in Phoenix for a few days, and was still getting used to the area. Heâd landed in Tucson, carrying nothing but your guitar and his backpack, filled with the essentials - and had made the most of his time, scouting out open mic nights and bars looking for gigs. Heâd made decent money playing, and had attracted nearly 100 new Instagram followers in the short time heâd been away from Olathe - and from you - but he didnât know why he still felt empty. It shouldnât feel like this.Â
 Ryan took a long drink of his beer, savoring the taste, and then reached into his pocket and pulled out the pack of cigarettes that heâd bought nearly a week prior - his first in months - and lit one, taking a long drag from it as he continued to look out and into the darkness, thinking. Should I call? But as he sat and smoked, Ryanâs mind wandered, phone staying tucked into his pocket. No.Â
 âÂ
 The two of you had settled into the house in Olathe in the last week of March, most of your things staying in storage so that you could focus on the restoration of the house without anything in your way. Heâd chosen it based on the pictures that he found on the Internet, talking things over with David and the realtor before heâd even brought it up to you - but youâd agreed almost immediately, pointing out that there was a lot you could do with the kitchen and some paint, that you were looking forward to staining and sanding the wooden floors⊠and Ryan had known that it was the right decision.Â
 Youâd paid for the house out of pocket without batting an eye, signing the necessary paperwork via faxes and emails, and by the time Ryan and David had finished with the second flip in the second week of March, youâd already packed up most of your Charleston house, ready to go. Both men had been surprised at how easily theyâd been able to finish working on the houses, the second one being purchased on January 19th - before the first had even sold, though it had taken only six and a half weeks to finish in total. Inspired by the success of the first flip, Lauren, Ryan and David - plus the other crew members - had turned the second out out in almost record time, too. It hadnât sold before you two had left South Carolina, but the day that the check had been wired to him in the middle of April, Ryan had signed the majority of it over to you - paying you back for the money youâd already invested in Olathe.Â
 For a few weeks, the two of you had worked in tandem, Ryan focusing much of his time on getting things prepped and ready to go. He didnât have the luxury of a team like heâd had with David, but the house didnât need a ton of work, and so heâd been confident that even if it took him a little bit of time, heâd get things done to his satisfaction. By the beginning of May, you were focused on the final details of your show, and Ryan had hit a wall with renovations - tile and fixtures were on backorder, and there was little the two of you could do but wait and try to get other, less important projects done. Heâd been too frustrated to write, too tired to record and had only played out a few times since youâd moved, and Ryan felt off. Youâd noticed, though, and on a Saturday afternoon - the sun bright in the sky - youâd pulled him out onto the front steps of the house, holding his hand tightly as you spoke.Â
 âRyan.â You took a deep breath, turning to face him without letting go of his hand. âYouâŠâ He frowned, waiting. âDo you feel⊠stuck?â He sucked in a breath, shaking his head. âYouâve been different since we came here.â He opened his mouth to speak, but you reached over with your free hand, pressing a finger to his lips. âLet me talk, ok?â And he had, listening to you tell him what youâd noticed, what you saw, how being around him felt to you - like every second you were waiting for him to tell you that he was leaving because he needed a break.Â
 âBut I donât.â He shook his head, tightening his grip on your hand. âIâm happy, I want to -â
 âYou arenât, Ryan.â You offered a smile, shaking your head. âWhen you play, itâs all sad. You havenât recorded in days, you havenât⊠â You gestured toward the house. âYou wanted this, but you wanted more than this, too.â Shifting closer, you reached over to take his other hand. âI donât want you to regret this.â Regret what? âYou need to go, Ryan.â His jaw dropped, head moving back and forth. âJust for a little while, go and pick somewhere, and take your guitar.â You looked down, staring at your feet. âItâs been almost a year, Ryan, and we havenât been apart for more than a few days at a time, and I know that you âŠâ
 âYou know that I what?â Heâd ducked his head down, pulling his hand from yours and using his fingers to tilt your chin up. âI donât need to travel, to beâŠâ But even as he spoke, Ryan felt a lightness in his chest, the idea taking hold. Maybe I do⊠maybe I need some time, maybe I needâŠÂ
 Over the next few days, heâd looked into different destinations, choosing to go west again, knowing that it would be warm and sunny, that there would likely be people he knew out that way - and when heâd told you that he picked Arizona, youâd nodded, turning away from your computer to look up at him. âTake as long as you need, Ryan.â Heâd seen in your eyes that you were preparing for the worst, that you expected him to find something during the trip that he didnât have by staying in one place, and yet you were still encouraging him to go. âI donât want you to resent me, Ry.â Standing, youâd hugged him tightly, face buried in his chest. Resent you? How? âJust promise me one thing.â Youâd pulled away from him, looking up into his eyes and after a pause, continued. âNo hitchhiking.âÂ
 âÂ
Being back out on the road was therapeutic for Ryan, and as he stubbed out the cigarette on the brick next to him, he sighed deeply. Youâd been right - something had been off for him in the weeks leading up to his departure, you dropping him off at the airport and wishing him luck, telling him youâd see him soon - but as Ryan moved from gig to gig, taking a bus between cities instead of finding a ride, he was no closer to figuring out what it was. Is it her? Do I feel this way because Iâm so⊠or is it because Iâm so far from what I thought my life would be like? Ryan didnât know, but what he did know was that playing music was making him feel more like himself, even if there was still a hollow in his chest.Â
 You werenât avoiding each other; you werenât fighting, and there wasnât any reason that you hadnât been in close contact, but it seemed that you were truly giving him a chance to figure things out. Heâd only spoken to you on the phone a handful of times in the weeks heâd been gone, choosing to send you messages and pictures instead, and you hadnât pushed for things to change, but it still relieved him each time you liked one of his pictures or the dots that let him know you were typing a response appeared on his screen. He didnât know what he was waiting for when it came to you - and no amount of staring at the ceilings of his motel rooms seemed to help. âHoly shit.âÂ
 Ryan paused with the beer glass at his lips, eyes widening as he turned his head toward the voice, eyes landing on the man that had spoken. âGeorgie?â Blinking a few times, the smaller man stepped forward, head tilted to the side. âWhat are you doinâ here?âÂ
 âRyan goddamn Brenner.â Georgieâs eyes swept the patio and then returned to Ryan, a smile on his lips. âItâs good to see you, itâs been -âÂ
 âAlmost a year.â He stood, hesitantly reaching out to shake the manâs hand, and Georgie swatted Ryanâs hand away, instead pulling him in for a tight hug that Ryan returned after a few seconds of hesitation. âGeorgie, I -âÂ
 âItâs good to see you, Ryan.â Georgie stepped back, the smile growing. âI heard you were in town, and so I checked your page and then hauled ass to get here from El Paso.â He rubbed the side of his face. âWoulda called but I didnât know if youâd answer, andâŠâ Georgie shrugged. âFigured you woulda had her with you here, andâŠâ Georgieâs eyes widened again. âBut sheâs not here, and you are, and youâve been in Arizona for weeks, soâŠâ Georgie licked his lips. âI knew youâd get tired of it, need to come back out on the road. Knew youâd need to be y-â
 âGeorgie.â His tone sharper than heâd hoped it would be, Ryan closed his eyes. âIâm here because I âŠâ Why are you here, Ryan? âLook.â Ryan swallowed, taking a breath. âYou were really shitty to her in New York.â Georgie stared, a confused look on his face. âAnd I get it, but it was still bullshit, man.â Ryan thought of the look on your face in the park, the easy way youâd brushed things off and walked away, head held high. âI love her.â He swallowed, voice growing stronger. âAnd I shouldnât have to pick between the two of you, so I wonât.âÂ
 âBut youâre -â No.Â
 âIâm here now because Iâm takinâ a break on the house weâre flippinâ, and she suggested I go back out on the road.â Georgie mouthed the word âflippingâ, eyes locked on Ryanâs. âYeah, we bought a house to flip after we moved outta the one in Charleston, and weâre in Kansas now, probâly stay there for a while and then move again.â Ryanâs heart thumped in his chest. This is what I want.Â
 âSo⊠what, you did it?â Georgie pressed his lips together. âYou⊠put down roots?â Ryan shook his head. No. No, we didnât. I didnât. NotâŠÂ
 âNo. Weâre flippinâ a house, and then weâll move into the next once that one sells, andâŠâ Ryan shrugged. âItâs steady work, and I get to do things like this, and sheâŠâ He sucked in a breath. Holy shit. ThatâsâŠÂ âLook, Georgie.â Ryanâs heart was pounding, his hand itching to reach into his pocket. âWe gotta long way to go if weâre gonna be friends again, butâŠâ Ryan took a deep breath. âItâd be real nice to play with you again tonight, if youâve gotâŠâ As Ryan spoke, Georgie turned slightly, using one hand to lift the strap of the backpack he wore. âGood.â Ryan pulled his phone out, pressing the button to light the screen up. âMy second set starts in fifteen, so if you wantâŠâ Georgie nodded eagerly, squeezing his eyes shut.Â
 âYeah.â He paused. âThat⊠Iâd like that, Ryan.â Ryan tightened his hold on his phone, waiting. âLemme go and make sure itâsâŠâ Georgie kept talking and Ryan nodded, watching as the man turned and walked off of the patio and into the parking lot, where it was quieter. Plenty of time. When the man was out of sight, Ryan sat back down, scrolling through his phone until he found your contact information, pressing the call button. Please answer.Â
 It rang twice and then you picked up, voice sleepy in his ear. âHello?â Ryan felt his breath catch. Why was I even worried? He paused before he answered, deciding not to tell you the full reason that he was calling over the phone - opting to wait until he saw you in person. Itâs the right call. âRy?â You sighed. âYou there? Did you mean -â
 âI love you.â He swallowed, the words coming out in a rush. âI know itâs late, but I wanted to⊠I know what âŠâ He sighed. âLook.â You laughed quietly, but didnât say anything else. âWhen do you have to be in San Francisco? I canât remember what day you said you were flying out.âÂ
 âMiddle of next week, Ryan, Iâm leaving on Tuesday, I have to be there the 30th of May to start setting up and mounting frames, so Iâm going a few days early.â He closed his eyes, thinking. We found each other on the 30th, I have toâŠÂ âIâll only be there until the 3rd, the opening is the second, and I wanted to come back here and start-â
 âIâm not coming home.â He licked his lips, shaking his head as he opened his eyes. âI-â
 âOh.â It was only one word, but he heard the understanding in your voice. âAlright, IâŠâ You paused. âI didnâtâŠâ
 âIâll meet you in San Francisco instead, if thatâs OK.â He took a deep breath. âItâs stupid for me to fly back east and then immediately west, Iâm closer to California out here.â He waited, but you didnât respond, so he continued. âJust⊠bring some of my clothes with you, yeah? Somethinâ nice for me to wear to the gallery?âÂ
 âYouâre..â He heard your voice trembling. âYouâre not staying there? You want toâŠâ He felt his chest get tight as you fought to get the words out. She thought I was going to abandon herâŠafter all this, she thought⊠âItâs been weeks, Ryan, I thought youâŠâÂ
 âI wouldnât miss it.â He sighed. âWe have a lot to talk about, butâŠâ Ryan pulled his phone away from his ear, checking the time. Shit. âGod, I canât wait to see you. Itâs been too long.âÂ
 âTalk about?â You still sounded worried, but Ryan only laughed, shaking his head and feeling better than he had in weeks.Â
 âYeah.â He took a deep breath. âBut donât worry, I promise youâllâŠâ He licked his lips, tasting the dry air. âYouâll like what Iâm gonna say.â Georgie stepped back onto he patio, fiddle in hand and Ryan swore. âI gotta go, though, my second set is startinâ⊠and Iâve⊠got a guest.â You asked who, and as Ryan stood, picking up his beer glass, he continued. âYou wouldnât believe me if I told you, so⊠â Ryan grinned. âWatch my Instagram in a few minutes.â Sounding confused, you agreed. âI gotta go, though. I love you.âÂ
 âLove you too, Ry.â You paused. âI miss you.â He nodded though you couldnât see him, his eyes moving over the crowd that had gathered back near the stage. Gotta find someone to hold my phone.Â
 âYeah.â He closed his eyes. âYeah, I miss you, too.âÂ
â
#ryan brenner#ryan brenner x reader#ryan brenner x reader imagine#ryan brenner x you#ben barnes character imagine#neon lights#just a place#ryan brenner imagine#ben barnes drabble#ryan brenner fic#jackie and ryan au#its-my-little-dumpster-fire#drabble request#prompt request#five word prompts
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(s)Heâs a Tiger
Pairing: Ryan Brenner x Reader
Word Count: 5975
Rating: N S F WÂ
Summary:Â The night of your gallery opening, you and Ryan decide itâs time to finish something that started in Las Vegas.Â
You need to read Neon Lights and the first chapter of Just a Place to understand where this is coming from... and why itâs such a big deal.Â
Authorâs Note: Iâve been working on this for MONTHS, and finally feel like itâs right. Since thereâs no smut at all in NL or JaP and there is a severe lack of Ryan Brenner zest on here... I felt that I needed to give this to them.Â
Also.... part two will be from Ryanâs POV, so youâve been warned.Â
Feel free to ask me to add you!
Tag list: @traeumerinwitzhelden @mfackenthal @songtoyou @obscurilicious @elanor-of-imladris @thesumofmychoices @suchatinyinfinity @audreychaz @benbarnestongue @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @the-blind-assassin-12 @ms-delos @lexxierave @dreams-with-thoughts @gollyderek @agentlingerie @nananananananananananabatman @weallhaveadestiny @breanime @ificouldhelpyouforget
The drive home from the gallery was no different than the one to it - you and Ryan keeping up a steady stream of conversation, his fingers wrapped tightly around yours on the center console as he steered with one hand. You knew that he was trying to distract you from the previously discussed topic, but it wasnât working. All you could think about was him - the fact that he didnât want to wait, the fact that heâd thought things through and prepared - that he wanted to be with you as much as you wanted to be with him - as much as youâd wanted to be with him for a year. Iâm going to get to⊠heâs going to⊠You shook your head, watching him out of the corner of your eye as he turned onto your driveway, pressing the button to open your gate before he drove through it. âHey.â His voice was quiet in the dark, and as he stopped the car, removing the keys from the ignition, Ryan shifted in his seat to turn toward you, pulling his hand from yours. âI didnât mean to be⊠I didnât want to assume that this was theâŠâ He stopped himself, swearing under his breath. âThis isâŠâ
 âRyan?â You spoke quickly, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder. âDonât. I want this. I want you.â Youâre all I want. You watched his lips quirk up into a smile along with the slight ducking of his head. âDonât question this. Please.â He nodded, but only once, and then locked eyes with you again, the expression on his face one of relief, even in the dim light.Â
 âYeah?â You nodded too, leaning in and kissing him on the lips briefly, hand tightening on his shoulder. âOk.â He sniffed, and when he spoke again, you heard resolve in his voice. âWeâll go inside, and you should go and get changed, yeah?â You nodded, feeling his hand sliding up your arm. âIâve got a few things I need to take care of.âÂ
 âWhat -â He shook his head, the smile on his lips seeming to light up the darkness of the car.Â
 âDonât worry about it.â He leaned in, mouth next to your ear. âI wanna do this right for you, you deserve it.â You felt him shift, the skin of his bearded cheek rubbing against yours as he took your earlobe between his lips and then his teeth, biting gently. âIâm gonna do right by you. Iâve been thinkinâ about this for so long.â He sat up, pulling back from you and exited the car, heading toward the main door and unlocking it before he glanced back over his shoulder at you, his eyes looking bottomless in the glare of the security light. âYou cominâ?â Hopefully very soon. You smiled at the thought and nodded your head, following Ryanâs footsteps into the house where you dropped your purse onto the couch as you passed by it, turning toward your room. âSee you in a few?â You nodded again, your hand on the doorknob.Â
 âRyan?â He stopped at the top of the stairs leading to the basement, turning halfway back to you with a focused look on his face. âWhat should I wear?â He thought for a moment and then you watched as his eyes darkened, the smile that graced his lips sending a shudder throughout your body. Heâs never looked at me like that before.Â
 âSomethinâ you wonât mind losinâ, hmm?â Oh. Biting your lip, you nodded back, watching as Ryanâs eyes slid down your body and then back up to your face. âSomethinâ âŠâ He paused, swallowing and you decided to respond in kind, licking your lips.Â
 âI got it, Ry.â Turning away from him, you reached behind you, pulling the zipper of your dress down to give him a glimpse of your bare back before you stepped into your bedroom. âLoud and clear.â You heard him groan quietly, but the sound was lost in your laugh as you moved further into your bedroom and toward your dresser.Â
 Fifteen minutes later, you were sitting on the edge of your bed, waiting. What is he doing? You hadnât heard anything from outside of the room you were in, but youâd been surprised to see the pool lights come on in the backyard only a few minutes after youâd left Ryan, just as you pulled an oversized white t shirt of his over your head without putting on a bra. If heâs going to take it off of me, why worry about it? Youâd paired it with black boyshorts, wanting to have something to cover your lower half beneath the shirt, but youâd removed all of your makeup, pulling your hair into a ponytail.Â
 The longer you waited, the more nervous you got. What if I disappoint him? What if Iâm not what he wants? You picked at the nail of one thumb with the fingers of your other hand, staring out the window toward the back yard, but there was still silence from the rest of the house. Itâs been two years, what if I canât⊠âHey.â You looked up, startled, and saw that Ryan was in the doorway, leaning against the frame in the same pose heâd been in when heâd come out of the Flamingo bathroom talking about her, arm crossed over his chest to grip his opposite shoulder. No. Not tonight. She doesnât get to ruin this. Heâd changed too, into a pair of loose pants and a dark t shirt, his feet bare, and while he looked excited, he also seemed nervous.âYou wanna come with me?âÂ
 His voice was low, anxious and filled with desire all at the same time, and you stood, crossing the room toward him. âI do, Ryan.â His eyes followed your movement, lingering on your bare legs before they moved back to your face. âWeâre not stayi-â As you got closer, Ryanâs arm shot out toward you, gripping you by the shoulder and pulling you closer.Â
 âNo.â He cleared his throat, leaning down to kiss your temple, his other hand moving to your waist. âI got somethinâ ready for you.â What? Ryan stood up straight again and brought the hand from your shoulder up to your face, thumb dragging over the skin of your neck and cheek before moving across your lips slowly, his gaze focused entirely on you. âWeâre goi-â You opened your mouth slightly, feeling the pad of his thumb against your teeth and Ryan stopped speaking, sucking in a breath as he bent his finger, his own lips parting as he watched the tip of it disappear into your mouth.Â
 Running your tongue along the edge of it, you pursed your lips and sucked gently, fighting the urge to close your eyes as he pushed his thumb deeper into your mouth, the hand at your waist pulling you flush against his body. He indulged you for a few seconds, your tongue swirling around the end of his finger and then he pulled his hand away, the edge of his thumbnail catching on your lip. âRyan, whatâŠâ He groaned, closing his eyes and leaning in to kiss you without saying a word. Heâd brushed his teeth in the time youâd been apart; you could taste the mint on his tongue as it met yours - much like you had the first time youâd ever kissed him. Gotta be a coincidence, right? âMmm, Ry, you gottaâŠâÂ
 âI gotta what?â He pulled away slightly, his lips moving from your mouth to your cheek and then to your jaw, arms still holding you close, the one at your waist sliding around to rest on your lower back. âYou gonna tell me what I gotta do right now, or are you gonna let me do this my way, the way this needs to be?â You didnât speak - you couldnât, instead shaking your head back and forth and feeling him smile against your skin. âThatâs what I thought. Câmere.â He released you from his grasp, stepping backwards out the door and back into the hallway.Â
 Following him, you reached for the hand he offered, feeling his fingers close around yours as he led you down the hallway and back toward the living room. The house was silent and dark, the only light coming from the staircase that led to the lower floor. âRyan?â You were whispering, and he stopped at the top of the stairs, turning to face you fully and letting go of your hand. âWeâre going down there?â He nodded, reaching up to your cheek with one hand, brushing back some of the loose strands of hair that framed your face before tugging gently on the portion held in place by the elastic band, winking.Â
 âWe are. You gotta trust me.â I do. âReady?â A single nod was all you gave him, and he turned away from you, again reaching back to make sure that your hand was in his and that you were connected in some way as he began walking down the steps. He was still quiet as you reached the bottom, and you tore your eyes away from his broad back to look around at the room. It looked different than it had before, still lit by the table lamps that your father had chosen, but the shelves empty of most of the book collection that had filled them for years. Ryan led you through the shelves and past the sauna, past the gym room, even past the area where your guitar had been kept, finally stopping just before the doors that opened into the sunroom that overlooked the pool. Oh.Â
 The lights in that room were all off, but you could see the reflection of the pool water on the ceiling, waves of light moving gracefully as it bathed parts of the room in a rippling blue hue and your heart began to pound. The cushions from the roomâs furniture had been removed, placed on the floor and then covered with spare blankets and pillows to make it comfortable - and to keep it from moving too much. âRyanâŠâ You were frozen on the spot, eyes moving over his shoulder and around the room, unsure of what to say. He did this for me. âRyan, youâŠâÂ
 âI told you in Vegas,â he said as he turned and moved closer, the darkness of his eyes apparent even in the dim lighting. âYou deserve all the nights. You deserve the best.â He shook his head. âYou deserve someone thatâs gonna make you see⊠I love you. I wanna be the person that makes you feel all that.â He put one finger under your chin, tilting your head back so that you were looking into his eyes. âI only got one shot at this, and Iâm gonna make sure itâs right.â He licked his lips almost nervously before leaning in, mouth close to your ear. He took a breath and you heard his teeth click together, felt the movement of his jaw before he lowered his face to your shoulder, his arms encircling you. His heart is beating just as hard as mine. âLet me love you.âÂ
 You slid a hand beneath the bottom hem of his shirt, fingers moving across his back and then upward, nails raking along his skin as you nodded your head. Without warning, Ryan turned his head so that his mouth was on the base of your neck, sliding his hands down lower on your body, his fingers skimming over the curves below your waist. It was as handsy as heâd ever gotten with you and you sighed contentedly as his fingers made contact with the bare skin below the edges of your shorts. It was just his fingertips, roughened with all the years of work heâd done and his guitar playing - but it was enough, and his name left your lips in a low whine, your forehead falling against his shoulder against your will. He tightened his grip at the same time as his teeth bit down gently on your skin, beard scratching against the hollow of your throat. Heâs going to destroy me, this is already too much.Â
 âI wanna take your shirt off.â He was speaking quietly. âI mean⊠I wanna take my shirt off of you.â He kissed you again, hands still roaming on the backs of your thighs. âThat seems like a good place to start, doesnât it?â You nodded, straightening up and letting your hands fall to your sides and stepping back from him as his fingers made their way back up the outside of your legs, his eyes downcast. âWatch.â You nodded once, looking down and taking a deep breath as his fingers found the hem of the shirt. This is it. He pulled the material upward, exposing your body inch by inch and even though you wanted to watch his hands - you also wanted to see the look on his face, watch him react to what he was doing, watch him finally  see all of you.Â
 Once the material rose halfway up your sides, you took another breath, lifting your arms - and raising your gaze to Ryanâs face. His mouth was slightly open, and you continued to watch as Ryan lifted the shirt further, the soft material moving upward gently as if he was unwrapping a gift. Maybe he is. He groaned as your chest was finally exposed to him, eyes closing briefly before the shirt blocked your view of him for a few seconds. When it was removed and Ryan had tossed it to the side unceremoniously, you stood before him wearing only the shorts.Â
 Instead of dropping your hands to your sides, you took advantage of his proximity, stepping closer and using one hand to cup his cheek, fingers moving through his beard. He said your name and then he moved, hands going to your hips as he pulled you toward him, fingers kneading the skin beneath them as his mouth latched on at your throat for long moments. You moved your hand back and pulled on his hair, the strands silky beneath your fingers as Ryanâs mouth worked it way upward before he kissed you roughly. âWanna taste every inch of you,â he mumbled against your lips. âIâm not gonna stop, itâs not gonna be enough.âÂ
 âGood.â You let go of his hair, kissing him again and Ryanâs hands slid down, fingers moving between the material of your shorts and the skin at your hips, digging in before he moved both hands upward again slowly. âRyan, youâŠâ Biting your lower lip as he removed his mouth from yours, you closed your fingers around the material of his shirt. Neither of his hands were soft, per se, but the fingers on his right hand - ones youâd felt many times against your palms or your arms - even against your cheek - felt different from those on his left. And it was his left hand that Ryan used to skim your body from your hip upward, palm flat against your side as he worked up your ribs - you felt dizzy at his touch, the calloused digits scattering your thoughts. Heâs barely touching me. He took deep breaths, steadying himself and you realized that heâd backed you toward the nest heâd created on the floor, the backs of your calves meeting the blankets. âRyan.â You swallowed, eyes closing as he bit down on your bare shoulder. âI wanna see you, Ryan, I -âÂ
 Abruptly, Ryan pulled away from you, dropping both hands from your body and swiftly pulling the shirt over his own head, letting it fall to the floor. Youâd seen Ryan shirtless many times before, but now you had permission to touch him freely - neither of you were going to stop, and so you acted. His pants hung low on his hips, the dark hair on his abdomen contrasting sharply with the pale skin of his body, and your fingers found it easily. He stared at you hungrily and even in the low light, you watched as his jaw worked, eyes moving over your almost nude body. âYouâŠâ He shook his head, long hair falling over his eye. âYouâre perfect.â Heart thumping in your chest, you lowered yourself onto the cushions, never breaking eye contact with Ryan as you braced yourself with your hands, scooting away from the edge of the cushions. Come here. He followed your wordless command, sinking down to his knees in front of you before raising his hands again - this time to your shoulders to push you onto your back before he leaned forward, hands pressed into the blankets on either side of youÂ
 Weâve waited long enough, Ryan. You nodded your head almost imperceptibly as he looked down at you, eyes still focused on your face. Without speaking, you reached over, pulling one of his hands from the cushions and placing it on the center of your chest, his eyes following the movement. The glance downward as you laid on your back was all Ryan needed, the hand moving to the right and squeezing. You gasped out his name at the change in contact, and with a happy sigh realized that youâd guided the left hand to your chest. I know what I want. His roughened forefinger moved in a slow circle over your peaked nipple, causing it to stiffen further and you closed your eyes at the sensation. Ryan.Â
 He didnât remove his hand from your skin before he lowered his mouth to your neck, and the combination of his lips and tongue moving over your skin as he used two fingers to pinch your nipple as the rest of them squeezed the tender flesh of your breast left you breathless. You knew what he was doing almost before he did it, even though youâd never had anything like this with Ryan before, and werenât surprised when he continued to work down toward your chest with his mouth, a damp trail marking his progress. But Ryan surprised you, lifting his head and bringing his mouth back up and near your ear, body shifting so that his hip was pressed against your thigh.Â
 âYou know what I thought about on the trains at night?â His voice was low in your ear, and you froze, unable to answer. âIâll tell you.â He sighed and you felt his breath moving over your skin, a chill coursing through your body when it hit the places on your neck and chest heâd dampened with his lips and tongue. âI thought about what it would feel like to hold ânto you like this. About what youâd feel like next to me.â His right hand moved from the previous spot it had taken up residence - the curve of your hip - and slid upward, his fingertips learning the contours of your body as they traced along your skin. âI thought about tellinâ you, just about every time I talked to you, every time I sent you a text.â His face moved again, just enough so that you felt the gentle scrape of his beard against your earlobe, his teeth grazing against the line of your jaw. âAbout how bad I wanted you, about how much I needed you, how I wanted to see you again.âÂ
 Youâd thought about intimacy with Ryan a great deal, and would have been lying to yourself if you didnât admit there had been nights when youâd lain in bed, imagining what it would feel like if his fingers replaced yours, wishing that you knew what it was like to feel his beard against the sensitive skin beneath your belly button, his lips fused to yours again. In the dark and empty house, youâd almost been able to hear his voice speaking quietly into your ear, telling you how good you felt, how much he wanted you, how long heâd waited to touch you - but no amount of fantasizing could have prepared you for the real thing. âRyan, I want -â
 âIâm gonna give you what you want.â He spoke in a low tone, eyes on yours. âBut Iâve never wanted anythinâ as much as I want you right now, and âm gonna take my time doinâ it.â He leaned back down to kiss you on the mouth, your hand rising up to the back of his head, holding him close to you. He pulled away from you and took a deep breath, and you realized that no matter how long each kiss was - no matter how many times he kissed you, none of them would be enough for you. âTell me if itâs too much, yeah?â You nodded wordlessly, heart thundering in your chest as Ryanâs eyes disappeared from view and he lowered his face to your body again, lips making contact above your heart.Â
 You wanted to remember every second of what he was doing to you, but the truth was that you couldnât think straight when Ryan was touching you. Youâd wanted him like this for a year, hands on and fully involved with you, and the fact that it was finally happening was too much for you to process at once. You felt his mouth - damp and warm - against one breast, fingers giving the other attention as he closed his teeth around the nipple, tongue flicking against it. Crying out, your back arched without pause, hands firmly in his hair as you held him in place, desperate for him to never stop, to never move. But he did, switching sides, tongue trailing across the valley of your chest before he took your other nipple into his mouth, biting down just a little harder this time. Feels so good. You couldnât speak, and felt rather than heard the noises coming out of your throat with every pass of his tongue against your skin, each of which seemed to spur Ryan on.Â
 After some time - minutes, maybe, or hours, you werenât sure - you realized that instead of tugging on Ryanâs hair to keep him in place, you were pushing him downward, your hips lifting off of the bed. Want you Ryan, want you to⊠âRyan.â It wasnât that you said his name so much as you moaned it, legs raising the lower half of your body to rock against his. âPlease, I need⊠I⊠justâŠâ Unsure of exactly what you were saying, you heard him laugh quietly before he sat up straight, causing your hands to fall away from his body in surprise, eyes opening wide as you looked up at him.Â
 He moved and knelt at your feet, both hands coming off of your body completely, Ryan illuminated by the outdoor lights behind him. You stared at him without restraint, eyes raking over his body and committing every muscle to memory. This is all I want. Everything I need. You knew that your chest was heaving, his prior actions leaving you almost breathless - unable to think clearly. You watched silently as Ryanâs tattooed fingers wrapped around your ankle, squeezing gently as he urged your leg into a bent position before his large hand slid up your calf, the edge of his nail against the back of your leg sending a shockwave through your body. Holding your breath, you widened your eyes as he bent over, lips following the path of his hand up your right leg, tongue flicking out every so often as he worked his way up the length of your leg toward your torso.Â
 When his lips reached the bottom edge of your shorts he sat up again, repeating the action with your other leg, but this time, he hooked his fingers beneath the waistband of the only piece of clothing you still wore, glancing up at you once and raising an eyebrow in question. Youâd never nodded in agreement to anything so quickly, and the smile that spread across Ryanâs face sent a shiver through your body as you felt the material sliding down your legs slowly. He guided one leg up even further to pull them over your foot and then simply let the fabric fall against the blankets, no longer concerned with it since it wasnât covering you.Â
 Rising up further onto your elbows, you watched Ryan, his eyes moving over your body slowly, taking everything in. You felt his palms against your thighs, squeezing gently before they moved on, one thumb brushing against the crease of skin where your leg met your body before they moved further upward, his fingertips against your ribs before he reached your breasts, pushing them together. You knew that after waiting so long, most men would have simply foregone the touching, all of the lead-up to get to what they wanted most, but Ryanâs purposeful actions told you that he wanted much more than a connection or a release - he wanted every bit of you. Ryan swiped both thumbs over the fullest parts of your breasts before letting go, one hand falling to his side and the other reaching up to push his hair away from his eyes. âYou OK?â You managed a nod, realizing that you were so tightly wound that you couldnât form words, and Ryanâs hands moved back to your knees, which were still bent.Â
 He didnât break eye contact with you as he used those large hands to push your legs apart, your feet sliding across the blankets as you aided him. Heâs⊠oh, Ryan. Ryan took a deep breath, moving into position between your spread legs and beginning the torturously slow journey of his hands down your legs and back toward your torso, leaning forward as he did. As Ryanâs body lowered, you watched as his hair slipped out of place again, long locks falling over his eyes and you felt your lips twitch slightly at the sight. My favorite. Ryan only looked away from you when his lips touched the skin of your abdomen, one soft kiss after another left there. It felt better than youâd imagined it would, the sensation of his lips heightened by the gentle drag of his beard on your lower stomach, not leaving any centimeter of bared skin untouched. You cried out as he dipped his tongue into your navel, licking once before using his teeth to scrape against the skin as he moved lower.Â
 Ryanâs hands were locked on your hips, thumbs pressing down on bone as his fingers curved around your body, holding you in place. âJust for a second,â he murmured against you, breath heating your already warm skin. âJust gotta tasteâŠâ Fighting with yourself not to fall apart as his mouth dropped even more, you watched the top of Ryanâs head move, your fingers gripping the blankets tightly. Ryan kissed his way across the area between his thumbs, beginning to move them in slow circles, not letting up on the pressure he was applying. I canât focus, I donât know what to -Â
 The sound that left your throat when his breath hit the dampness between your legs was unlike anything youâd ever made before - a mix between a yelp and a prolonged moan, and it spurred Ryan on, his head tilting slightly to the side without pause. You collapsed onto your back as he extended his tongue, the thick muscle delving deeply into you - over and over, as if he was trying to consume you with each movement. âRyan.â You swallowed, grip on the blankets tightening as your legs fell open wider, toes curling. âRyan. Ryanâ The third time you said his name, you realized that you were whispering, barely able to get the single word out. Finally.Â
 He continued for a few moments longer before moving his mouth upward, teeth grazing your skin before his tongue flicked out again, moving back and forth over the most sensitive place on your body as if heâd done it to you a hundred times before instead of this being the first. Without warning, Ryanâs tongue stopped, lips closing around you as he sucked - first gently and then harder after youâd cried out his name again, legs going rigid as you tensed every muscle in your body. But he pulled away quickly - too soon. Way too soon - and sat up straight again, still pushing down on your hips. âToo much?â He spoke quietly, lips parted as he tried to catch his breath, and you gave a single shake of your head, eyes finally open again.Â
 âN...never, Ry.â He grinned at the words, letting go of your body and putting his hands on his waist, but you shot up into a sitting position, shaking your head. âNo, please.â You licked your lips, one hand reaching out to grab his wrist, the other going to the side of his face. âLet me, Ryan, I need... Please.â He moved his hands away from his body, bringing them up to your face. Gently, he cradled it between his large palms as he stared at you, eyes full of a longing that you imagined was reflected in your own. You took that as a sign, reaching out to him with both hands and trailing your fingers down his sides and then over his belly, nails catching in the elastic waistband of his low-hanging pants.
 Ryan closed the distance between your faces, pressing his forehead to yours and then glancing down, you doing the same. The two of you watched together as you pulled on the elastic with one hand and reached into his pants with the other, finally wrapping your fingers around his length before you carefully pulled his pants down, the material bunching slightly after youâd freed him. He sucked in a breath as you made contact with his skin, your name whispered as his hands fell away from you, hanging limply at his sides. Oh, fuck. You moved your hand slowly along his length a few times, your free hand on his hip, foreheads still pressed together. This is happening. Iâm touching him, I⊠fuck. âJesus.â Ryanâs response was little more than a moan, and he gave you a chance to make a few exploratory movements before he brought a hand up, covering yours with his own and closing his fingers around you, guiding your movement. Ryan lowered his body so that the backs of his thighs rested on his calves,changing your angle slightly, and it it made all the difference. You gently tugged, pulling your joined hands away from his torso, building a rhythm by following his lead and letting him guide you. He turned his face slightly, still looking down. âThought about you.â He spoke, fighting to get the words out. âAlways âmagined you touchinâ me like this.â He groaned your name, bringing his free hand back to your head, fingers tangling in your hair, the elastic loose. âFeels so damnâŠâ He groaned again, flexing his fingers around yours and hissing at the change in pressure. âSo much better.âÂ
 Ryan groaned again and turned his head back, smashing his lips against yours in an almost predatory kiss, letting emotion take over. As he kissed you, biting at your lips and using his hand to angle your head, you kept moving your hand, the pad of your thumb rubbing over his tip, spreading the gathered moisture there as your hand traveled up and down, wrist twisting every now and then for a change of pace. Ryanâs tongue slipped into your mouth at the same moment his hand pulled away from yours, and it was your turn to cry out as you felt it make contact with the area between your legs where his tongue had previously been, a long finger pushing its way inside of you as his thumb rubbed against the still swollen bundle of nerves. Left hand. Itâs his left hand, I⊠You cried out again, hips jerking toward him as each of you continued what you were doing and Ryan added another finger, your hands moving between your bodies as your lips locked above them.Â
 The kiss turned even sloppier as your movements changed, and you realized that if you continued, one or both of you were likely to come before youâd had a chance to feel him inside you. Not the first time, it needs to be... He needs⊠But like he could read your thoughts, Ryan pumped his fingers inside of you twice more and then withdrew them, pulling his lips from yours as well and taking a long shaky breath, steadying himself. âLay down.â You did as he asked, Ryan pausing long enough to remove his pants and pull your shorts off completely before he stretched his body out, one knee bent slightly for balance as he knelt over you. âIâve waited for this,â he said, eyes on yours. âFor a year.â You nodded, hand moving up to touch his hair. âA fuckinâ year.â I know, Ryan. Me too. Leaning down, he kissed you again - deep and long and slow, the kiss that heâd been withholding until that moment. You felt him give himself over to you in it, and you responded in kind, not holding anything back. Why would I?Â
 Breaking away, Ryan took a shuddering breath, a small smile on his lips. He groped above your head with one hand, eyes flicking up and you heard the crinkling sound of a condom packet between his fingers, seeing the gleam of it in the low light as he tore it open. âI love you.âÂ
 âLove you too, Ry.â Your heart pounding, you waited a moment as he removed the rubber from the packet, straightening up and rolling it on without pause. You watched as he stroked himself, dark eyes on you, tongue poking out between his teeth. I wanna touch him. You looked at Ryan in the low light, the reflections from the pool casting shadows across his body - rippling stripes of darkness against the pale skin, and you felt your heart swell. Heâs mine. You reached out with one hand and Ryan moved quickly, leaning back down and dropping his hand from his body, using it to prop himself up above you. âRyan.â You murmured his name against his lips, kissing him, and you felt him scrunch his nose, upper lip lifting slightly. âRyan, IâŠâ He nodded, lips pressing against yours once more before you felt him rock his hips against you, somehow seeming more solid than he had felt only a few minutes before in your hand.Â
 You unconsciously lifted your hips to meet his, right leg hooking around Ryanâs left thigh. He took a deep breath, pressing his forehead against yours again, some of his hair the only barrier between your skin, and before youâd had a chance to react, you felt him pressing against your entrance, pausing only for a second before he thrust his hips, a few inches of his length sinking into you. The feeling of it was unexpected even though youâd been waiting, and you gasped at the sensation, Ryan sucking in a breath as your hands left the blankets and moved to his sides, fingers digging into his skin. He pulled his hips back and then forward again, slowly entering you all the way and you couldnât help your bodyâs reaction, flexing toward him until he was in as deep as the angle would allow.Â
 Ryan said your name once, giving himself a second to adjust and then he thrust his hips again, moving within you. Ryanâs forehead slipped away from yours and with a low growl, he dropped his lips to your shoulder, closing his teeth around the skin hard - causing you to cry out in a mixture of pleasure and pain. Without lessening the grip of is teeth on your skin, Ryan began to move his hips, gradually increasing the pace - and decreasing your limited ability to think straight with him on top of you. Oh, holy fuck.Â
---Â
#ryan brenner#ryan brenner story#ryan brenner fic#ryan brenner imagine#ryan brenner x you#ryan brenner x you story#ryan brenner x you fic#ryan brenner x you imagine#ryan brenner x reader#ryan brenner x reader story#ryan brenner x reader fic#ryan brenner x reader imagine#just a place#neon lights#jackie and ryan#post jackie and ryan#zest#zesty#smut#steamy#long post#(s)He's a Tiger#im really nervous about this one#ryan brenner au#jackie and ryan au#jackie and ryan fic#ben barnes character imagine#ben barnes character story#ben barnes character#ryan brenner ben barnes
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Just a Place - Part 7
Pairing: Ryan Brenner x Reader
Word Count: 8900
Rating: M (language)
Summary: Thanksgiving and Christmas with Ryan Brenner - enough said.
** You will not understand a darn thing in this if you havenât read âNeon Lightsâ, which can be found on my Masterlist page **
Authorâs Note: Another long chapter to make up for it being a long time since I last updated... enjoy.Â
Feel free to ask me to add you!
Tag list: @traeumerinwitzhelden @mfackenthal @songtoyou @obscurilicious @elanor-of-imladris @thesumofmychoices @suchatinyinfinity @audreychaz @benbarnestongue @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @the-blind-assassin-12 @ms-delos @lexxierave @dreams-with-thoughts @gollyderek @agentlingerie
POV - YouÂ
 You pushed the cart through the crowded grocery store, trying to keep from blowing up at the people in your way. Yep, the middle of the aisle is the perfect place for your conversation. You rolled your eyes, turning the corner and slamming the brakes on to avoid running into a woman tugging her young child behind her by one hand. âShit!â You said it quietly, but the woman still gave you a look and you returned it with a scowl, waiting until sheâd disappeared down the aisle youâd just turned out of before continuing, scanning the path in front of you for a familiar tan coat. Get in, get out, get home. Thatâs what I said, and nowâŠÂ
 Finally, you found Ryan standing in front of the canned vegetables, a frown of his own on his face. âWhatâs wrong, Ry?â He shook his head, turning to look at you. âWe need corn, soâŠâÂ
 âMy Ma used to make this⊠thing. She called it corn puddinâ when I was a kid, and I havenât had it in years. But I donât know the recipe.â Despite your annoyance at the crowded grocery store, you felt yourself smile, adjusting the cart so that it was right next to the shelves. âYou donâtâŠâ
 âCorn casserole?â You raised an eyebrow. âRyan, that was a staple at my Thanksgiving dinners growing up. I canât promise itâll be exactly the same, but I can try.â His lips parted as he looked at you in surprise and you continued. âAs long as you donât mind regular corn, too, I have to have something to mix in with my potatoes and gravy.â He laughed, nodding. âWeâll need both kinds.â You looked at your list, chewing on your lip. âIâd say⊠six cans of creamed and five regular? Iâll make a double batch.â You paused as he reached for the cans, pulling one of the partially empty packing boxes off of the shelf and setting it down on the bottom of the cart before placing cans neatly into it. âAnd I guess an extra five cans of the regular, too, weâll need it.â He nodded, counting silently, moving lips the only thing giving him away.Â
 âWeâre gonna have enough food for an army.â Though he said it in a joking manner, you didnât dispute him - he was right. We kind of have to. âAlright, there we go.â He stood up straight, pointing. âBeans next?â You nodded, pulling the cart back a foot or so so that it was positioned beneath the picked-over green bean shelf space, stacking another twenty cans of those in the bottom of the cart. Iâm going to be cooking for a week straight.  âWhere now?â Ryanâs quiet voice cut into your thoughts and you blinked at him, thinking.Â
 âGotta go bet bacon and milk⊠butterâŠâ You pressed your lips together, hands tightening on the handle of the cart. âTurkeyâs already at the house thawing... âÂ
 âPotatoes?â He grinned at you. âYou said yesterday you needed your weight in mashed potatoes and stuffing.â You giggled at him and nodded. âAlright. Go.â He gestured toward the end of the aisle and you moved to turn the cart, groaning out loud as you had to stop yet again for a woman on her cell phone that was leaning on the handle of her cart, hip stuck out and blocking the entire aisle. âHey.â Ryan reached out, touching your arm. âLet me push. Youâre gonna kill someone.â I am. Gladly. You gestured to the handle of the cart and stepped aside, Ryan moving next to you and leaning down to kiss you on the cheek. âI love it when youâre annoyed at someone thatâs not me.â Your lips again twitched into a small smile as he turned the cart smoothly, stopping just before the woman. ââScuse me, maâam.â She looked up, her eyes widening as she saw Ryan. âNeed to get past you.â Without pause, the woman stepped aside, her eyes never leaving Ryanâs face, teeth digging into her lower lip as her conversation stopped Figures. Typical.Â
 Feeling slightly petty, you stepped next to him, linking your arm with his and smirking as you passed her. Ryan shook his head next to you but didnât say anything, clearing his throat and stepping into the main aisle before turning toward the dairy section. âWe need to make a stop in the beer aisle too, Ryan.â This time, he laughed, even as you dropped your arm from his and stepped in front of him, glancing over your shoulder. âItâs not Thanksgiving unless you get drunk while youâre cooking.âÂ
 An hour later, you were unpacking the groceries in your kitchen, Ryan arranging the cold foods in the second refrigerator while you carefully packed boxes and packages into the cupboards and cabinets to pull out as you needed them. âHey.â He stepped back into the room, phone in his hand. âMatt wants to know if he can bring his girl, I know we didnât -â
 âOf course.â You grinned, nodding. âSo thatâll make what, nine plus us?â He thought for a few moments before agreeing. âSpace will be tight for them all to stay, but weâve got the couch, and some air mattresses, andâŠâÂ
 âThatâs not a problem, none of us are used to⊠well.â He paused, eyeing you. âIâm used to our bed now, but a few nights on spare mattresses or couches? Not a big deal.â You felt yourself blushing but Ryan didnât look away, instead moving closer to you without breaking eye contact. âIâm going to help you out as much as I can, but Iâm not that great in the kitchen, so I donât know how much I can do. Iâd probâly be a bigger help out of here.â He tucked his phone into his pocket as he reached you, one arm circling your waist as he pulled you close, using the tattooed fingers of his other hand to tilt your face upward so that he could kiss you gently. âI love you.â You closed your eyes and kissed him back, reaching around to put your hands on his waist, thumbs slipping into his belt loops.Â
 âLove you too,â you murmured as you pulled away, shaking your head. âBut that doesnât mean that you wonât be the one opening all of those cans.â He laughed as he turned away from you, heading back into the living room. âIâm serious, Brenner.âÂ
 âI know.âÂ
 ---Â
 You stood in front of the stove, stirring a pan full of gravy and humming to yourself as Ryan and his friends gathered in the living room. Your guests had started trickling in two days prior, but that afternoon, there were people in every room. Jack and Matt and Mattâs girlfriend Brynn had been the first to arrive, followed by Chris and Jameson from Seattle later that evening and two young men that were barely in their twenties named Charlie and Thomas that Ryan had met in Chicago. David and Lauren were there too, accepting the invitation that Ryan had offered them without pause as both of their families lived out of state. Though youâd been determined to cook everything from scratch, the other woman had offered to bring dessert in the form of pies and a pan of the lemon bars that Ryan had sworn to you were good enough to make him forget his own name, though heâd never been able to hold off on eating long enough to get one home to you so that you could find out for yourself. Saves me hours. Iâm not complaining.Â
 For the first time since youâd moved in, the house was full - and though none of them were your friends, you felt as close to home as you had in years, hearing the sounds of assorted instruments and voices carrying through the archway into the kitchen - making the house feel almost alive. And weâre only here for a few more months anyway. Youâd extended the lease on the house to the end of March, but hadnât wanted to delay the process of moving any more than that, because you wanted to be closer to the west coast by the time that your exhibit opened. Ryan had agreed eagerly, excited to see more of the country and to reconnect with more friends.Â
 Heâd explained what he was trying to do with his music to Matt and Jack, and the three of them had started to brainstorm, locked in the spare room playing and listening to old recordings while you and Brynn had lounged on the couch, the girl enjoying the fact that she could relax for a few days in total comfort. Sheâd been a huge help in the kitchen, cutting down your prep time by a lot, but true to your threat, Ryan had spent more than an hour opening cans and helping you peel potatoes that morning while everyone else took turns showering. âHey.â Glancing back in the direction of the living room, you saw Ryan standing just inside the doorway, a wide smile on his face. âSmells amazinâ.â Good.Â
 You motioned him over, sticking a spoon into the gravy and then holding it out to him to taste. âWell?â Ryanâs eyes closed, tongue moving over his lips.Â
 âPerfect.â He shook his head, opening his eyes again and reaching out to take the spoon from your hand before placing it in the sink. âYou should taste it, too.â The next thing you knew, Ryan was kissing you, his hand in your hair as he held you close. You sighed into him, using both hands to grip his shirt and pull him closer. âTold you.â He licked his lips as he pulled back, eyes still half closed and a lazy smile on his face. âI canât believe you got all this done, and itâs all gonna be ready at the same time.â He kissed you again. âItâs impressive.âÂ
 âThank you, Ry.â You finally let him go, reaching up to place a palm on his chest. âItâs going to be ready in about fifteen minutes, if you want to let everyone know.â He nodded, not taking his eyes off of you. âWhat?â Ryan looked at you carefully, unsure of what to say for a moment.Â
 âI justâŠâ He shook his head, hand resting on your hip. âThese are my friends, not yours, and your house is full of âem, and⊠I donât know what I did to deserve this.â He stopped. âTo deserve you.âÂ
 âYou promised me Christmas, Ryan Brenner.â You fought back a lump in your throat, hand sliding up to his neck and then the side of his head, stroking your fingers through his hair. âJust you and me and a tree. And this isnât my house, itâs ours. SoâŠâ With a single nod of his head, Ryan agreed, lips finding yours again briefly.Â
 The sound of someone clearing their throat jolted you away from him, but Ryan still didnât remove his hand from you as both of you turned to look at the doorway where Charlie was standing with Lauren. âCan we help get stuff to the table?â With a squeeze to your hip, Ryan stepped away from you and toward the pair, gesturing back in your direction. Without pause, Lauren and Charlie moved toward you, waiting for your instructions.Â
 âAlright, so we just need to start carrying this out to the table. There are pot
holders on the counter andâŠâÂ
 ---Â
 Later that night, you and Ryan were lying in bed, him on his back and you on your side right up against him while your fingers traced over the tattoo on his ribs, your eyelids heavy. âWhat you did tonightâŠâ Ryan started, his voice quiet. âWhat you did for all those people this week? All of my friends?â His hand was resting on your bare hip, fingers gently pressed into the flesh as he spoke. âThese holidays arenât always easy when you live like we⊠like they do.â He still sees himself⊠âYou gave âem a place to feel at home, somewhere they feltâŠâ
 âTheyâre your family, Ryan.â You kissed his shoulder, thinking. âNot by blood, but⊠they mean just as much to you as an actual relative would.â He was quiet, and from outside of the closed door you heard Brynnâs laugh from the room across the hall. âI -â
 âYouâre my family, too.â His words were quiet and you didnât hear any hesitation in them, but they still made your breath catch in disbelief. What? âYou know that, right?â He shifted onto his side, rolling toward you. Even in the dark of the room, you could see his eyes, the furrow of his brow. âYouâre family now. Have been for... â He paused. âSince before I found you again.â You could feel your own heart pounding, mind working overtime to process his words. âI know you have your aunt, butâŠâ
 âYouâre⊠shit, Ryan.â You felt tears running down your cheeks and Ryanâs hand quickly moved up to wipe them away, fingers lingering on your skin. âI never thought that Iâd have this again, and especially not with someone like you, not after my parents...â He leaned in, kissing you on the forehead before pressing his lips against yours, breath hitting your face as he exhaled. His hand had dropped to the side of your neck, thumb moving slowly back and forth on the skin just beneath your jaw. You didnât know what else to say to Ryan in return; didnât know how to tell him that he was the only family youâd ever need, that he made you feel safe and loved and important, that you didnât want anyone else, that you likely never would. He has to know, he has to understand. âI love you so much, Ryan.â Your voice was thick with tears and you felt him nod slowly, hand still against your neck.
 âI know you do.â He sighed, shifting his hips as you tightened your hold on his side. âYou donât gotta tell me that, because -â
 âBut I do, becauseâŠâ You stopped, waiting. âBecause you need to hear it.â Swallowing, you lifted your head, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek, lips finding the skin above his beard. âI had my parents growing up, and my aunt and uncle, and that was it. No cousins, no siblings no⊠no grandparents.â You looked down at Ryan, hand still pressed flat against his ribs, the inner part of his bicep resting against the back of your hand. âWhen I lost my parents, it felt like I lost everything, Ryan. I was numb, I was⊠I just threw myself back into work and ignored everything that I could. I ignored the trial, ignored my aunt, ignored the feelings that I knew I was supposed to be having.âÂ
 âCome here.â Ryanâs hand slid down your side, pulling you closer and without hesitation, you lowered yourself back onto him, feeling his other arm circling you as he pulled you to his chest. âKeep talkinâ.â You waited a few seconds, concentrating on his hand - the rough fingers moving against the middle of your back and calming you, and then you continued.Â
 âI knew Iâd have to deal with it eventually, but it was like⊠the house was paid off - and as long as I paid the monthly bills and all that, I could keep from having to go back there, keep from having to deal with it.â You sighed, feeling the tears coming again. âRunning from stuff isnât the answer, but how else do you deal withâŠâ He kissed the top of your head, muttering the words âI knowâ as you hitched a leg over his, wanting to get closer to him. âAnd then I met you, and I was just⊠happy for those few days in Vegas. You came out of nowhere, and I felt a connection to you, Ryan, and even though it was just a short time, just those few hours spent with you⊠I felt like myself again. You did that for me.â What are you even getting at?Â
 âWhen I was with Jackie, I didnât feel like myself.â He paused. âNot the whole time, anyway. When she was praisinâ me for my talent or encouraging me, I felt like a lot of things were right, butâŠâ Ryan stopped speaking, the room silent. âIt got a little better when I left Utah, but the more I thought, the more I realized that even before Utah, somethinâ was off, somethinâ wasnât ⊠I wasnât me.â Ryan stopped speaking, and you relaxed, ears trained on the rest of the house, listening for noises that any of your guests might have made. âI went to Vegas by chance, did I ever tell you that?â
 âYou didnât.â Ryan tightened his grip on you, laughing quietly.Â
 âStopped in Phoenix because it was too damn hot to be on the trains and met a girl in a coffee shop.â He cleared his throat. âShe worked there, traded me a muffin and a refill to hear a song, and playinâ with her and hearing her sing⊠it woke me up.â You heard his voice change slightly as he remembered this woman, but before you could dwell on it, he continued. âShe mentioned that Vegas would be a good place for me to play, said that she and her fiance had been there a few months prior, that she thought Iâd do well out thereâŠâ Ryan sighed. âAnd so I went from Phoenix to Vegas and the rest⊠you know.âÂ
 âSo youâd never even thought of it before?â He replied with a no, followed with a short laugh. âSo youâre telling me that without the recommendation of some random person in Phoenix, weâd never have met? Youâd never have⊠weâd never have this?â Ryan was quiet for nearly a minute, and you opened your mouth to speak when he beat you to it.Â
 âYou know, Iâm not sure.â Ryan sighed. âI think about that a lot - think about meetinâ you and what it⊠how it happened.â Ryanâs hand slid down your back and to your waist, fingers still moving in slow circles. âI still would have ended up in Colorado and Seattle, still would have gone to Chicago and to St. Louis⊠you had nothinâ to do with me gettinâ hurt⊠so I think, honestly, that we still could have met in that park in Philadelphia.â You do? ButâŠÂ
 âBut I only went home because of you, Ryan.â Your voice was quiet, thoughts jumbled. âI never would haveâŠâ
 âYou woulda. Eventually. Things happen and we canât explain âem, but I feel like we were supposed to meet. And if it hadnât been in Vegas, it would have beenâŠâ He sighed. âSomewhere.â Ryanâs grip on you tightened again. âI refuse to believe that thereâs any chance we missed each other or missed this.â He said your name, the intent clear. âBut it doesnât matter, because we met in Vegas and weâre here now, and weâre never gonnaâŠâ You cut him off as you turned your head to kiss him hard on the mouth, catching him by surprise. You didnât believe in fate, didnât believe in things being destined to happen - but you werenât going to question or doubt Ryanâs presence in your life or what you meant to each other - why would you?Â
 Though still full from dinner and extraordinarily tired, you felt your body moving before youâd thought it through, right knee supporting your weight as you swung your left leg over Ryanâs hips, straddling his waist. You hadnât bothered to put pajamas on before sliding into bed next to him, and Ryanâs eyes opened fully as he stared up at you, hands resting on your waist and your palms flat on his stomach. He was smiling - that tiny smirk that you loved so much present on his lips, and you returned the expression, nails scratching into the dark hair below his navel as you curled your fingers, causing him to groan quietly. âNo.â You shook your head, winking down at him. âWeâre never going miss each other like that again.âÂ
---Â
 POV: RyanÂ
 âYou wanted to see me, David?â Ryan stood in the manâs tiny office, one hand on the back of his neck, the other stuffed into the pocket of his jacket. âI just finished up at the site, and stopped back to -â
 âCome in, Ryan.â David had a small stack of papers on the desk in front of him, but he gestured to the chair across from his seat, a smile on his face. âEverything go alright? I know all you had to do today was finish with the drywall.â Ryan took a seat, nodding but confused about what the meeting was for. Heâd had no problems, no issues on the job or with David - or any of the other contractors heâd worked with since accepting the position, but David hadnât ever wanted a meeting like this with him before. Things were fine last week at Thanksgiving, what⊠âI just wanted to talk with you about something.â Heâs firing me. What did I do?
 âWhatâs going on, David? The drywall went fine, I may have to go back tomorrow and touch the mudding up, but -â
 âNo, Ryan. I know itâs fine, thatâs notâŠâ David shook his head. âI wanted to talk to you about something because youâre the most⊠competent guy I have on the crew.â Ryan relaxed slightly, leaning back in his chair and waiting. Ok, so maybe Iâm not getting fired. âI bought a house.â Ryanâs eyes widened, a smile spreading over his face. âNot for me and Lauren, but⊠to flip.â Oh, shit. âHere, take a look at this.â David slid some of the papers across the desk to Ryan, continuing. âThese are pictures of the inside, tell me what needs to be done.â Ryan picked up each piece of paper, studying them carefully.Â
 âWell, the flooring needs to be repaired or replaced, depending on what you want done with this room,â he said pointing at one of the images. âThe walls need some patches, and the ceiling in this room⊠a bedroom, maybe? Looks like itâs leaking, so the roof would need to be checked, and maybe the pipes, if this is on the lower floorâŠâ Ryan continued for a few minutes, pointing out kitchen counters and tiles, the worn carpet, a basement that needed to have electrical lines re-run and the front porch, which needed some brickwork until David stopped him.Â
 âYou caught things I didnât even see, Ryan, and these are only pictures.â Ryan took a breath, waiting. âI wanted to bring you in here because I want you to lead this project for me.â His eyes widened and Ryan sat up straighter, listening. âThat means youâd be giving instructions to the other guys, making decisions about supply orders, overseeing things as well as getting your hands on experience.â David took a deep breath. âI know you guys will be leaving sometime in March, and while Iâm not happy to be losing you, youâve done more for me in these last five months than a lot of the guys that Iâve been working with for years, and I want to help you out.â
 âYou want me to lead a⊠Iâve never done anythinâ like this before.â David shook his head, pointing to the images.Â
 âYou have, though. This is a lot of small projects at once instead of a big one alone. Lauren and I have wanted to get in on this for a while, and the opportunity came up, so I jumped on it. Sheâs going to be in charge of the design aspects, but youâre going to be the one that decides what needs to be done construction wise, youâll have the entire budget to work with.â Ryanâs heart was pounding, but he felt himself nodding, eyes moving back to the papers in front of him. âSo itâs more responsibility, but that also means more pay.â His eyes flicked upward to Davidâs, and Ryan remained silent. âYouâll get a bumped hourly wage, and then when the house sells, a portion of the sale price.â
 âWhy? Why would you -â David cut him off, holding up a finger.Â
 âThis flip shouldnât take longer than two months, tops. This oneâs not that difficult, and Iâll be workinâ with you since you donât know all of the permit laws and everything, but -â David slid another paper over to Ryan, who stared down at it quietly. âYouâll get a portion of the sale of the house, because when this oneâs done, as soon as it sells, I plan on moving right into a second flip and I figured youâd want to invest in it with me and make some real money when that one sells.â David shrugged. âYouâre the closest thing Iâve ever had to a partner, Ryan. I trust you, and know youâre a hard worker. This is going to happen, and itâs going to happen how we want it to.âÂ
 âIâll need to talk to -â David nodded, a smile on his face. âIâm definitely interested in takinâ lead on this one, but for the next one, and investinâ, I canât justâŠâ
 âI figured as much, and thatâs fine.â David shrugged. âSecond house wonât even be up for sale until the new year, so youâve got plenty of time.â David raised an eyebrow. âHell, we might find that weâve bitten off more than we can chew and not want to worry about a second house, but I doubt it.â Ryan laughed and David did too, shaking his head back and forth. âWeâll start working on this one late next week; you should only have what, two more days on the current project?â Ryan shook his head.Â
 âI should be able to finish most of it tomorrow, sanding and painting are all thatâs left, but if I have to mud anything elseâŠâ Davidâs head moved up and down slowly, and Ryan couldnât stop himself from asking a question. âWhy me? You donât know me, and you -â
 âI know enough, Ryan. I see how hard you work, how much you care about what you do, and I want to help you out, because like I said, I know I wonât have you here forever.â Ryan stood again, reaching a hand out to shake one of Davidâs, still in disbelief. âWeâll talk more about this next week, but like I said, weâre already working on picking out colors and wood and all that, so weâre rolling.â Ryan paused on his way out of the office, turning to look back at David.Â
 âThank you, David.â He swallowed, giving the other man a curt nod. âI wonât disappoint you.âÂ
 ---Â
 Heâd told you the good news later that night, your excited squeal more than enough to alleviate some of the worry from his mind. Youâd jumped up from the dinner table to hug him tightly, arms around his neck as you kissed his cheek. âThatâs a big deal, Ryan! This is like⊠your project. You get to tell people what to do, and to âŠâ
 âHey.â He couldnât keep the smile off of his face, but Ryan shook his head. âIâm not going to boss anyone around, Iâm justâŠâ
 âI know Ry, but heâs basically letting you take over on this, youâll be responsible for how it all turns out and comes together, and what needs to beâŠâ You pulled away from him, settling back into your chair.Â
 âWhat if I screw up?â He was playing with his fork, hair hanging over his eye as he stared down at his plate. âWhat if I donât make the right call or donât order enough of something, or⊠I never learned this, never went to school, or -â
 âRyan, you did learn it, though. Youâve been doing construction for years, picked up so much from your friends and coworkers. You can do this, and you will. Will you screw up? Probably, but itâs fine, itâs going to happen.â He watched you, eyes focused on your face. âYouâve got to learn somehow, and this is perfect.â You chewed on your lip. âDavidâs going to teach you what he knows, and then you can⊠I donât know, use it wherever we go?â He nodded. âAnd Ryan, you actually investing in the next house he buys? Thatâs perfect. Gives you more incentive to work harder.â You reached out, hand finding his. âThatâll give you a cushion, Ryan. Give you freedom, and a chance to -â
 âIâll be able to pay you back for this place and for the next place, too.â He swallowed, determined. âYou wonât be the only one providinâ for us when we pick somewhere else to live.â He watched as your expression changed, a small frown on your lips. âThatâs important to me.â You sighed but nodded, returning to your plate and your food. I know you can afford it, but you shouldnât have to. It was quiet in the dining room for a few minutes, both of you eating, and Ryan decided to change the subject. âSo what do you want for Christmas?âÂ
 ---Â
 The weeks between Thanksgving and Christmas passed quickly - Ryan working tirelessly on the house project with David and the rest of his team, and though it was hard work - demanding and precise, Ryan found that he enjoyed it. He learned more about electrical work from David himself, got tips about flooring and laying tile from Andrew, and even learned some things about decorating from Lauren, whose enthusiasm about the project carried over to the rest of the men. Ryan was surprised at the confidence he felt as each day passed, and was pleased with the progress that had been made on the homeâs interior, even though much of it had yet to be completed.
 David made sure that Ryan still got away from the project early enough a few nights a week to play out and to make it to his lessons, but two of the students had gone on vacation over their break from school, leaving him with only one to teach for most of December. His playing hadnât suffered, despite his long hours at work - in fact, Ryan was almost more focused on it as the time passed, returning to writing original music as he planned out a short list of people that he wanted to reach out to and see about playing with as the two of you traveled.Â
 You were understanding of his constantly changing schedule; though youâd told him that you missed him being there when you woke up in the morning, you never complained about him leaving early for work, never chastised him for tracking sawdust through the house or forgetting to put dishes in the sink because heâd left them on the table next to the couch. You understood how hard he was working, simply asking if there was anything you could do to help - and he appreciated it more than he could say to you, so he tried to show you instead.Â
 He knew that you didnât need grand gestures or declarations of love from him, so Ryan would find small ways to make you smile - leaving your mug next to the coffee maker in the morning, thumbing the thermostat up a degree or two before he left so that when you woke, the house wouldnât be too cold, stopping on the way home to rent a movie for you to watch because youâd mentioned that you wanted to see it, even if you only made it through half of the movie before one (or both) of you developed a case of wandering hands. Before you, heâd had a very specific idea of what a relationship - what staying would be like, and while he didnât know if things would have been the same with someone else, he was almost certain that they wouldnât have been. And Iâm glad. The bottom line was that while Ryan appreciated everything about you, it went deeper than that - and both of you knew it.Â
 âHey.â He stopped in the doorway of the office, where you were scrolling through images on the computer and sorting through them as you chose for your next show. âDo you have a minute?â You sighed, hand dropping away from the mouse as you swiveled the chair around to face him.Â
 âYeah, Ry. Whatâs up?â He knew that you were stressing - that you wanted to include some of the same images from before, but also were worried that you didnât have enough new choices to make for a cohesive display. She needs a break. âI think Iâve got the first 60 narrowed down, soâŠâ
 âGet dressed.â He watched as you paused, biting the inside of your cheek. âCome on, Iâm gonna take you out for dinner.â He had the night off - no lesson, no gig, no extra work for David, and he knew that youâd never turn down the opportunity to spend time with him. âAnd then,â he said as he stepped toward you, extending his hand. âThen weâre going to buy a Christmas tree.â The look on your face was one of shock and happiness, and you gripped his fingers tightly, nearly bouncing to your feet. âYeah?âÂ
 âRyan, I havenât had a tree in âŠâ
 âI havenât had a real tree in over a decade,â he replied as he leaned forward to kiss you on the temple. âSo Iâve got you beat.â You laughed at him but dropped his hand to hurry from the room, computer and images forgotten as you got dressed in boots and a coat, making your way into the living room before heâd even finished tying his laces. âMexican alright? We havenât been to 3 Matadors in a long time.â You nodded, grabbing your purse, but Ryanâs hand closed over yours, head shaking back and forth. âYou can bring it with you, but youâre not payinâ for anything.â Donât argue with me. You didnât, your hand reaching over to push the hair back from his eyes as you stared at him, a smile on your lips. God, it feels good to be able to say that.Â
 ---Â
 An hour and a half later, both of you were full and happy, enjoying the rare date night out as you searched for a parking spot near one of the lots that was close to your house. âIn a Chick Fil A parking lot?â You wrinkled your nose, laughing. âTheyâll put these tree lots anywhere.â Ryan shrugged, pulling the car into a vacant spot and putting it into park.Â
 âWeâre ten miles from the ocean, canât expect snow and fields of trees where you can cut them down yourself, right?â You shook your head, opening your door, and by the time Ryan had joined you at the back end of your car, you were already grinning. âReady?â You nodded quickly, taking his hand and pulling him toward the trees and the people milling around without speaking again. Here we go.Â
 You searched the lot for almost half an hour, Ryan following you around as you made your way from tree to tree, eyes lighting up as you found one that you thought was good, only to turn it and see a bare spot, or have him pull it toward him to find that it was crooked. âItâs gotta be right, Ryan.â He heard the anxiety creeping into your voice and so he finally stepped forward after waiting for two kids to move past, chasing each other down the corridor between rows of trees.Â
 âHey!â You turned at the sound of his voice, one of his hands reaching up to settle on your shoulder as he pulled you closer before the two of you continued to walk. âYou almostâŠâ he pointed down, where there was a large muddy area near your feet. âWatch out.â Both of you stepped over the spot, moving in unison. âDonât worry, weâll find one.â He kissed the top of your head, feeling as you settled in against him. âThis was supposed to be fun for you, notâŠâ He stopped as his eyes fell on a tree a few feet away, moving quickly from top to bottom. That one. He nudged you, noticing that you were looking in the opposite direction. âLook.â Ryanâs hand rose, the fingers on his left hand extended toward the tree. âWhat about that one?âÂ
 âOh.â He heard your voice catch, feeling as you stepped away from him. âIâŠâ He followed you, the sounds of the other people in the lot fading as you touched the branches, fingers skimming over the individual needles. He followed suit, inhaling deeply as he inched his face closer to the tree, his mind going back to the prior holidays that heâd shared with his mother - specifically the ones between losing his father and his mother meeting Thomas, which were some of his earliest memories. The tree was in the corner, right by the stairs. âDo you like this one, Ryan?âÂ
 âYeah.â Ryan licked his lips, rubbing at his eyebrows for long moments. âI think itâs a good one.â He looked down at you, dropping his hand to his side and cocking his head to the left. âYou?â Your eyes went back to the tree, shoulders rising as you took a deep breath.Â
 âYes.â You looked up at him, smiling. âThis is it.â Telling you to wait while he went to get an employee, Ryan stepped away from you, still thinking about his mom, about his childhood, about the fact that ever since heâd met you, heâd started remembering random things - memories that he didnât even know he still had, and that it felt natural. As he waited for the young man to cut a length of twine from a large spindle, Ryan glanced back at you, watching as you took a picture of the tree with your phone, quickly typing something out. This is where Iâm supposed to be.Â
 Fifteen minutes later, the two of you were back in the car, Ryan behind the wheel. âLet me try that?â He glanced over at you, watching as you paused with your straw only an inch or so from your mouth. âI got -â
 âIf you wanted strawberry, Ryan, you should have gotten it.â You glanced at him without turning your head, and Ryan felt himself grinning. âHere.â He pulled out from the parking lot, turning back toward your house as you held the straw up to his lips. He closed them around it, sucking gently and taking a large mouthful of the milkshake. âGood, right?âÂ
 âSure is.â Ryan swallowed, pointing at his own cup, which was settled between the two of you and you handed it to him. âBut itâs almost Christmas, I had to get the cookie one.â The two of you laughed before settling into a comfortable silence as he drove through the traffic, finally pulling into your driveway a little before 8:30.Â
 âRyan?â He turned to look at you as he put the car in park, noticing that your eyes were focused on his face. âThank you. I needed tonight.â I know. Ryan moved without thinking, leaning over the console to pull you into a kiss that lasted for a long time, neither of you wanting to pull away. âLove you, Brenner.âÂ
 âI know.â He winked at you, settling back into his seat before turning his head to look at you. âNot as much as I love you, though.â Even in the low light, Ryan could tell that your face was reddening, warmth spreading upward from your chest to your cheeks. Good.Â
 ---Â
 You decorated the tree together over the course of the next few days, setting it up in the stand the first night, allowing the branches to settle, adding in lights the following day and ornaments - a small box that youâd brought with you from Pennsylvania, others that youâd purchased from Target and Walmart after that. It wasnât uncommon for one or both of you to come into the house and add something personal to the treeâs branches - You hung a small framed image of the two of you one afternoon, and Ryan, getting into the spirit of the holiday surreptitiously looped a broken guitar string around one of the branches after twisting it into a circle. You laughed when you saw it - but not unkindly, your eyes shining. âI should have thought of that, Ryan.â But it was the final ornament that he hung on the tree that truly caught your attention, you calling Ryan into the living room after youâd made it home from photographing the lights and trees at a local display one night. âRyan, whatâsâŠâ
 âOh.â He stepped up behind you, winding his arms around your shoulders and pulling you close. âThat?â He shrugged, feeling you lean backwards into his body. âThatâs just something that Iâve been carryinâ around in my wallet for a year and a half.â You stepped away from him and Ryan let you go, watching as you pulled the ornament from the tree, turning it over in your fingers. âItâs -â
 âMy room key.â You brought your gaze back up to his face, and Ryan saw that there were tears in your eyes. âThe one I gave you the day that you went to do laundry and tried to leave.â Yeah, thatâs the one. He nodded once. âYou kept it? All this time?â
 âI did.âHe swallowed, reaching up to run his hand through his hair. âEven when I couldnât keep anythinâ big, I always took small stuff - a guitar pick from someone I played with, a matchbook, a receipt. Always lost âem though, after a while.â Ryan felt his tongue poking through his teeth and between his lips as he thought, mind far away. âThatâs been behind my license since the morninâ you - we - checked out of that hotel, and I thought itâd be perfect on our first Christmas tr-â You cut him off as you launched yourself at him, the fingers of one hand curled around the thin piece of plastic as your arm wrapped around his neck. âI love you, Ryan.â You spoke even as you kissed him, lips hungrily pressed against his. âI donât know how I -â I donât either.
 âYeah.â He kissed you back, the fingers of both hands digging into your lower back. âWeâre both lucky.â Real lucky. He moved his lips from your mouth to your neck, sucking gently on the skin as he kissed it. âPut that back on the tree and lets go to bed, alright?â Once youâd replaced the key on the branch, you turned back to Ryan, holding your hand out and waiting as he grasped it tightly, pulling you close to his chest again. âI donât need to carry it with me anymore.âÂ
 âOh yeah?â You smiled up at him, Ryan using his other hand to tuck hair behind your ear. âWhyâs that?â
 âIâve got the real thing right in front of me.â He watched the expression on your face change, a slew of emotions passing through your eyes before surprise won out. âRealâs so much better.â You nodded, eyes closing as you turned your cheek toward his chest, leaning in. So much better.Â
  Five days later, on Christmas morning, you and Ryan woke up late, walking into the living room hand in hand. The tree was lit, and though there was no snow on the ground, it felt like Christmas to him, Ryan reclining on the couch while you cooked breakfast for the two of you. His eyes moved over the room - comfortable, cozy, filled with a collection of things that belonged to the two of you - before landing on the tree. There were only two presents beneath it; heâd opened the microphones almost as soon as youâd purchased them for him, and so the wrapped gifts were both for you - from Ryan. Hope she likes âem. He pulled his phone out, opening Instagram and scrolling through it idly as the smell of bacon wafted to his nose, you moving easily through the kitchen and humming to yourself quietly. Checking his messages out of habit, his finger froze over the screen as he saw one that heâd missed from over a week ago. Not today. Close the app. âRy?âÂ
 He heard your voice and tore his eyes away from the screen, looking up at you. âBreakfast ready?â Swallowing, Ryan sat up and swung his feet to the floor, standing up. âIâm starvinâ. And then you can open your -â
 âWhatâs wrong, Ryan?â You shook your head, stopping him from getting to the table. âI know that look.â I have to tell her.Â
 âIâŠâ He paused, deciding that he needed to get it over with. âI missed a message from last week on Instagram, and I just saw it now, andâŠâ He stepped closer to you, unlocking the phone and opening the app again, holding it out to you. âItâs from Lia.â You took a deep breath, nodding once. âI can delete it, I -â
 âNo.â You shook your head. âRead it, Ryan. It canât beâŠâ You rose onto your toes, kissing his cheek and Ryan felt lighter immediately. Sheâs not upset. âShe must have something important to tell ya.â Ryan walked into the kitchen, sitting down in front of his plate, eyes still on his phone. Alright, here we go. Clicking on the message, Ryanâs eyes scanned it quickly, breath catching. Hey, Ryan. Just wanted to let you know that Iâm still taking real good care of your guitar. Played it at Momâs wedding, and I thought youâd wanna see how much better I got. I donât know if youâll watch this, but if you do, you donât have to say anything back. You look happy in your videos, and I hope you are. You deserve it, Ryan.Â
 There was a video attached, and Ryan waited to open it, thinking. It sounded like Lia - or at least like he imagined sheâd sound nearly two and a half years after the last time heâd seen her. She wasnât asking for information about him, and it didnât seem like sheâd been told to send the message, butâŠSheâs a kid, just watch it. âShe sent me a video.â Ryan looked up, seeing that you were sitting in your own chair, watching him. âOf her playinâ my guitar⊠well, her guitar now, butâŠâ He sighed. âAt Jackieâs weddinâ.â You didnât look surprised at the news that the woman had gotten married after all, and Ryan realized that you already knew - that youâd likely looked it up to see for yourself whether or not it had happened, or youâd need to expect the woman showing up in Charleston to see him. And she didnât say anything. âIâm⊠gonna watch it, if you want to come over here anâ watch it with me.âÂ
 You were up and out of your seat before heâd stopped speaking, and Ryan pushed back from the table, gesturing to his lap. You settled in, Ryanâs arms going around you as he raised his phone before pressing play on the video. It was a short one - less than a minute long, but he was pleased - and proud - to see that Lia had improved. Her playing wasnât perfect, but she was into it, focused on the strings and the words she was singing. He felt himself smile as he watched the clip, eyes locked on the blonde girl on his screen. Though heâd expected the video to cut to Jackie and her new husband before it ended, it didnât, instead cutting out just as the final notes died away, Liaâs face breaking into a grin. Good for her. âSheâs good, Ryan. Looks like sheâs taking good care of your guitar.âÂ
 âYeah, she was a good kid. Iâm proud of-â He stopped, still looking down at his phone. âIâm proud of her.â And he was, he realized, proud of the way that Lia had stuck with playing and singing, had stuck with caring for the instrument that had gotten him through many years of busking. âIâll respond, but not today.â He darkened his screen, setting the phone down and kissing you on the shoulder, feeling a few strands of your hair beneath his lips. âTodayâs about us, notâŠâÂ
 âThatâs fine.â You stood, turning to face him, and Ryan looked up at you. âYou and me and a tree, right?â He nodded, feeling himself smile. âMerry Christmas, Ryan.â Breakfast untouched, Ryan stood, hands moving to either side of your face as he cupped your jaw, overwhelmed with emotion. I said it before but I meant it - sheâs everything.  âWhat are you doing, Brenner?â Ryan leaned in, rubbing his nose against yours before pressing his lips to the corner of your mouth. âRy -â
 âMerry Christmas.â He swallowed, lips moving over the skin of your face, trying to be mindful of his beard against all of the sensitive places. âThis year⊠this year I donât have to sing for you over the phone.â He closed his eyes, thinking about the prior Christmas, the way youâd both been too afraid to say anything except âI miss youâ -nearly 900 miles apart. âI should have told you that I loved you last Christmas when I called you.â Ryan spoke quietly, rocking back and forth, feeling your hands on his waist. âI should have -â
 âNo.â You moved your head from side to side, breath hitting his face as you spoke. âNo, we werenât⊠if you would have said it then, and then disappeared for five monthsâŠâ You let out a breath with a shudder. âIt would have killed me, Ryan.â He wasted no more time, turning his head slightly and using his hands to tilt your face upward. As you kissed, he dropped his hands, fingertips skimming down the front of you as you curved your body toward his. I should have. I should have done a lot differently. I - His thoughts were interrupted as he felt your hand slide beneath his shirt, nails raking across the skin of his back.Â
 When you broke apart, both of you were breathless. âLetâs eat, Ryan. Foodâs getting cold.â You swallowed and Ryan did too, trying to calm his heartbeat. âThen I can open my presents.â He laughed, his hands falling from your body as you stepped away from him and back to your chair, sitting and picking up your fork. Yeah, you can. Ryan sat too, watching as you ate, unable to keep the smile off of his face. You made small talk as you finished your breakfast, deciding that youâd go and see a movie in the afternoon and then get Chinese food for dinner, keeping things low-key on the holiday - your first Christmas together. Perfect.Â
 The dishes cleared, you and Ryan made your way into the living room, where he paused to scoop up both gifts before he handed them to you. You opened them slowly, biting your lower lip as you ripped through the paper to expose the entirety of the first gift - a new bag for your camera, made from a waterproof material. âYou just got that new lens and were compaininâ that you couldnât fit everything in your old bag.â The grin on your face was as bright as heâd ever seen it before, and Ryan wanted to keep staring at it, but instead he reached over, tapping a long finger against the paper of the second, smaller package. âThis oneâs... â He shook his head, hair falling over his eyes. âI -â
 âShh.â You wrinkled your nose at him. âLemme open my present.â With a laugh, he raised his hand in a placating gesture, watching as you tore the paper away. âRyan, whatâs this?â You looked back up at him, widening your eyes. âYour⊠passport?â He nodded as you changed positions on the couch, drawing your knees up beneath you when you turned to face him, grip tight on the blue object. âThis is⊠whatâŠâ
 âSo.â He licked his lips, reaching out to take the small booklet from your hands, opening it to look at the page with his picture on it. âI got this a few weeks ago, and I⊠I thought that maybe we couldâŠâ He took a deep breath, steadying himself. You live with her, Brenner. Why is this so hard? âMaybe we could plan a trip sometime next year, Iâve been savinâ.â You gasped, his name falling from your lips in a whisper. âI thought that my first time out of the country should be somewhere -â
 âYes.â You nodded enthusiastically, leaning in to throw your arms around his shoulders, pushing him backwards onto the couch so that you were laying on top of him. Ryan was immediately comforted by your weight, the booklet falling from his hand and onto the floor as he held you close. âOh, Ryan. There are so many places that Iâd love to show you, so much for you to see.â You tucked your forehead in against his neck, removing your right arm from around his neck and stroking his hair. He pushed the material of your shirt up, running his hands up and down your spine as the two of you talked quietly, discussing possible places to go and things to see. I donât care where we go, as long as sheâs... âThank you, Ryan.â Your voice was quiet, and though youâd stretched out so that you were laying between Ryan and the back of the couch, he was unwilling to let you go. âThis is the best Christmas Iâve had since I was a kid.â
 âMe too.â Ryan sniffed, feeling his eyelids getting heavy, the warmth of your skin against his and the familiar rise and fall of your chest lulling him back to sleep. âAnâ itâs because weâreâŠâ He trailed off, hearing your quiet agreement, and the last thought he had before drifting off was one that heâd never had before.
 I wanna spend the rest of my life with her.Â
---
#ryan brenner#ryan brenner imagine#ryan brenner fic#ryan brenner story#ryan brenner x reader#ryan brenner x reader imagine#ryan brenner x reader story#ryan benner x reader fic#ryan brenner x you#ryan brenner x you story#ryan brenner x you fic#ryan brenner x you imagine#neon lights#post jackie and ryan#ryan brenner au#jackie and ryan au#jackie and ryan fic#writing#just a place#just a place masterlist#neon lights sequel#ben barnes character imagine#ben barnes character story
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Just a Place - Part 6
Pairing: Ryan Brenner x Reader
Word Count: 7300
Rating: M (language, zest light mention)
Summary: After Jackieâs phone call, you and Ryan move forward... what comes next?
** You will not understand a darn thing in this if you havenât read âNeon Lightsâ, which can be found on my masterlist page **
Authorâs Note: Sorry this took such a long time to get out... I made it a little longer than normal to make up for it.Â
Feel free to ask me to add you!
Tag list: @traeumerinwitzhelden @mfackenthal @songtoyou @obscurilicious @elanor-of-imladris @thesumofmychoices @suchatinyinfinity @audreychaz @benbarnestongue @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @the-blind-assassin-12 @ms-delos @lexxierave @dreams-with-thoughts @gollyderek @agentlingerie
POV: RyanÂ
 In the weeks following Jackieâs call, Ryan expected you to treat him differently, despite the (mostly) calm and collected way that youâd responded when he told you that heâs spoken with her. He made an effort to do more around the house - waking up early, even on his days off, cutting the grass, offering to cook dinner, constantly cleaning up after the two of you ⊠but every time you found him busy, you surprised him by gently pulling him away from his task, shaking your head and wrapping your arms around him. âRy, you donât need toâŠâ But heâd always shake his head, jaw set firmly. Yes, I do. He didnât know why he felt guilty, or had the need to prove to you that he was staying, but he did, almost like heâd disrespected you by telling Jackie so much, by giving her insight into the way heâd spent the better part of a year and a half. It was none of her business. And so Ryan kept busy, made himself useful around the house, and waited for the feeling to pass, even though you seemed to get over it long before he did.Â
 Your routines didnât change; he worked with David throughout the week, played out at night, taught lessons (Ryan had three students, a boy and two girls, and all were improving), and spent his free time playing guitar. You, on the other hand had taken a few local jobs doing portrait sessions, and had left to go to Maine for four days, photographing the changing leaves, leaving Ryan at home at the beginning of October. Heâd wanted to go with you, simply because he wanted to see the trees himself, but David hadnât been able to give him the time off, and so Ryan spent the time alone focused on writing, his hands only leaving his guitar when he was eating, sleeping or working his day job.Â
 He had enough material for an EP, enough songs to play almost an entire set of original music, and yet Ryan couldnât stay away from the classics, couldnât stop his fingers from picking out the songs he knew like the back of his hand, the words from tumbling out of his mouth. This shouldnât be the case. It had gotten worse after youâd come home and found him singing in the kitchen while he cooked, and Ryanâs live sets had turned away from his original music and back toward the tried and true classics - which people still seemed to love.
 He hadnât played Southbound since the night Jackie called, unwilling to let the memory of writing the song on Jackieâs front porch, or of sharing the unfinished lyrics with her taint the mood that he played in, and even though he missed it, it felt right to cut it. Iâll play it again, someday. But Ryanâs focus on playing the music that he loved navigated him through, leading him to an important realization: he wanted to record songs, but he wanted to record them out of a studio, with the people that they mattered to.Â
 You were cleaning up after dinner with him about a week before Halloween, the two of you moving through the kitchen while a cold rain fell outside, splattering against the windows when Ryan finally opened his mouth to tell you his idea. âHey.â You stopped what you were doing and Ryan watched as you wiped your wet hands on a towel before walking over to him, a smile on your face.Â
 âYeah?â You hopped up onto the table, crossing your legs. âWhatâs up, Ryan?â He stepped over to you after taking a breath, waiting. Why are you nervous?Â
 âIâve been thinkinâ,â he started, tongue wetting his lips. âI⊠want to record some songs.â You widened your eyes, inhaling. âBut⊠I donât wanna record in a studio. I wantâŠâ He shook his head, feeling as you reached out, hand sliding down his forearm until you were gripping his fingers, giving them a gentle squeeze. âIâve been writing.â He paused. âA lot.â You nodded, still silent, giving him a chance to get his thoughts out. âAnd there are things that I want to record on my own, and I want to have them, but itâs always⊠singinâ and playinâ with other people has always been what Iâve loved the most.â You nodded and Ryan continued. âWeâre not stayinâ here forever, and I thought that⊠maybe on our way to wherever weâre goinâ next, we could⊠meet up with some of my friends so that I canâŠâ He trailed off, suddenly feeling very self conscious, and Ryan attempted to pull his hand from yours. I⊠this is stupid.Â
 âDo you want to record your own music, or do what Georgie wanted to do, and record older stuff?â You tilted your head to the side, genuine curiosity on your face. âBecause, Ryan, I think that-â
 âBoth.â He spoke without pause, chest rising and falling. âI want to record both.â But how? His friends were scattered throughout the country; some as far south as New Orleans, others all the way up in Michiganâs upper peninsula, even some right up against the ocean in Oregon and California. Thereâs no way to get them all. âEveryoneâs got a different style, and I want to⊠I think I need to ⊠itâs all going to sound different, do you understand?â You quietly waited, uncrossing your legs and Ryan stepped forward between them, lowering your joined hands to the surface of the table and raising his free one to grip the side of your neck, thumb tucked behind your ear. âI could record the same song with each one of them, and it would be different, even my playinâ and singinâ, becauseâŠâ
 âBecause youâd be responding to the way that they perform.â He could feel you speaking beneath his palm and he nodded. She gets it. âDo you want to stop in a studio with all of them?â You frowned, but it wasnât an unkind expression. âWouldnât booking time be hard unless you knew when youâd be there exactly?â Yeah, it would.Â
 âSome of âem, yeah. Some of âem deserve to be in a studio, but⊠no. I think Iâd want to record in a more⊠natural setting?â He slid his hand down to your shoulder, shaking his head. âItâs just a thought now, an idea, butâŠâ Ryan closed his eyes. âItâs what I want to do.â He nodded. âI know weâll be here until spring at least, but⊠when we go next, I can⊠we canâŠâÂ
 âWe can figure it out, Ry.â You spoke quietly, pulling your hand from his and reaching up to run your fingers through his hair. âYouâve got time, you can plan something out.â You sighed and he leaned down, pressing his lips to yours and feeling you curl the tips of your fingers against the back of his head. âYou donât just have to show up and hope for the best.â He pulled away as he realized you were right, that it wasnât about luck or the right timing anymore. âBut if you need to go, Ryan, you can. I donât want you to think that you need to stay here, to be here, toâŠâ
 âNo.â He shook his head. âNo, planning is important. I can figure out where we can⊠what we can do on the way to wherever it is that you...we decide to go.â You tugged him down again and Ryan leaned into the kiss, feeling you sigh against him as his hand flattened against your back. âYou wanna meet some of my friends?â He breathed the words, mouth hovering over your ear. âSee a little bit of my past?â I want that.Â
 âYeah, Ryan.â You nodded, scooting forward and off of the table, standing before you wrapped your arms around him, cheek pressing against his chest. âIf you want me to.â He encircled you with his arms, inhaling as he kissed the top of your head. âThey all gonna hate me as much as Georgie did?â Despite the serious nature of the question, Ryan laughed, squeezing your body tightly.Â
 âNo, they wonât. Theyâre all different from him.â He stood there with you, sure of his words and even more sure of what he wanted to do. âWill you help me plan this out?â Pulling back to look up at him, you grinned, eyes bright.Â
 âOf course, Ryan.âÂ
 ---Â
POV: YouÂ
 The beginning of November on the west coast was totally different than the beginning of November on the east coast, and while you liked living in South Carolina, you were happy to be in California - and even happier that Ryan had been able to come with you. âHey!â He was waving his arm at you from a few yards away, a grin on his face. âI got a table.â As you walked closer, he sat, reaching out for the drink holder that you had in your hands. âThank you.â You eased into your seat and bit your lower lip, looking past Ryan and out toward the water where hundreds of boats were docked. âWhat are you looking at?â He turned to look too, eyes moving over the masts and sails. âHave you ever been here before?âÂ
 âOnce. Iâve been to a lot of coastal California cities, but San Francisco isnât one of the ones that Iâve had the opportunity to explore.â You shrugged, pulling your hood up so that the back of your neck was covered. âWeâve got a few days now, though, and soâŠâ He nodded and you smiled, reaching for your burger. âYou seem excited.â Ryan nodded his head in agreement through a huge bite of hamburger, gesturing with his free hand.Â
 âNever without my guitar, though.â He swallowed, taking a long drink through his straw. âFeels weird not to have it, but I needed a break.â I agree. Ryan had been playing feverishly for weeks, writing and recording music at an almost breakneck pace. He had hours of recordings saved on your laptop, and as an early Christmas present to him, youâd gotten him a nice studio microphone for his guitar and another for his vocals, and heâd splurged on an expensive pair of headphones. Heâd used them more than you expected, sometimes closing himself in the office until late into the night and then crawling into bed with you, his voice hoarse from singing as he whispered goodnight and that he loved you, pulling you close to him. His handsâŠÂ
 Ryanâs fingers were all calloused and rough; a sign of the fact that he was no stranger to hard work - especially on his left hand. You could always tell which of his hands was touching you, and if you were being honest, you preferred the left - the roughened fingers pressing into your skin or rubbing against it, letting you know exactly where he was and what he wanted. Those fingers, no matter where on your body they were, set you on fire, waking you up whenever he touched you. The first night with him - in the sun porch of your parentsâ home in Philadelphia - you hadnât known what to expect when he finally let go of his self control, exploring your body with those hands, but you definitely hadnât been disappointed. Youâd never been touched like Ryan touched you, and you never wanted anyone else to do it again; you didnât know how anyone could have let him walk out of their life - but you were thankful that so many had.Â
 However, on this trip, two of Ryanâs fingertips were bandaged, the middle finger bandaged heavily.Â
 Two nights before your flight, after midnight, youâd heard a loud thud as the door slammed, waking you. You found Ryan in the bathroom, his hand beneath a slow stream of water in the sink, head hanging down and eyes focused on his hand. âRy?â You rubbed sleep from your eyes, blinking. âEverything OK?â His teeth were gritted, head shaking back and forth, and you saw a small amount of blood on the sink basin. âRyan?â You were suddenly awake, hand reaching out to his wrist in panic.
 âTore the calluses on two of my fingers.â He spoke matter of factly, looking down. âItâs happened before, and I knew it was cominâ, but I didnât want to stop playinâ.â You watched him roll his eyes in the mirror. âLooks like I wonât be pickinâ up a guitar for a few days.â Letting out the breath that youâd been holding, you slipped an arm around his waist, leaning into him.Â
 âItâs OK, Ry. Youâve got a week off of work, and weâre leaving for a few days, soâŠâ You shrugged as his right arm lifted, wrapping around your shoulders. âIt happened at a ⊠good time?â He sighed. âYou know what this means, hmm?â You looked up at him, waiting until his eyes were on you before continuing. âMeans you get to take an actual vacation. No work, no playing, no⊠worrying. Just you and me and the ocean and -â
 âAnd you signing a contract for another show.â Ryanâs cheeks grew pink above his beard as he smiled at you, one eyebrow going up. âThe most important thing, isnât it?â I guess so. The staggering check that youâd received in the mail about a month after the end of the Philadelphia exhibit for showâs sales had floored you, and you couldnât believe that someone else wanted to meet with you about repeating the process. Finally making contact with Loriâs friend Andrea had resulted in her inviting you to come out and meet with her at your convenience - another surprise. Ryan had urged you to go before the end of the year, and so youâd set up the trip for the end of the first week in November, Ryan surprising you when he told you that if you wanted him to go with you, he was available. âDavidâs taking a few days off to spend some time with his family, and so heâs giving me the time off, too.âÂ
 Ryan had planned on taking a guitar with him, but the injured fingers had changed those plans, and even though you knew it was strange for him to not have the instrument on his back, you could tell that he was enjoying the freedom. âWhat do you want to do tonight, Ryan?â As you finished eating, you looked at him from across the table, watching as the wind blew through the ends of his hair that stuck out from beneath his hat. âWeâll still have an hour or so to walk around here before Iâm supposed to be at the gallery, so the rest of the night isâŠâ You paused. The gallery you were going to was near Telegraph Hill, but your hotel was in the Haight-Ashbury area, because when youâd booked it, Ryan had been planning on playing with locals if he could. I donât know if heâll still want to⊠âWe can still go to the Panhandle, and some of those coffee shops if you want, Ryan.â He frowned, but you continued. âJust because you canât play guitar, it doesnât mean that you canât sing ⊠or just watch.âÂ
 Youâd watched him interact with other musicians before, seamlessly entering into performances without missing a beat, and had no doubt that heâd be able to do the same in San Francisco, but you could tell he was apprehensive about his lack of instrument and needing to rely on the strength of his voice. âItâs a little different here. I have a buddy named Cliff, so Iâm gonna call him, but I donât know, my guitar isâŠâÂ
 âHey.â You reached over the tabletop, touching the back of his hand. âYou donât need the guitar, Ryan. Your voice is enough.â He was silent for a few moments but then nodded, resolve in his eyes.Â
 âIt is. Iâll call him when youâre talking with Andrea.â About thatâŠÂ
 âRyan?â You pressed your lips together, leaning in. âShe⊠I told her you were coming out here with me, and she wants to meet you.â His eyes widened and Ryan sat up straight, taking his hat off and running his right hand through his hair. âYeah. I should have told you earlier, butâŠâ You shook your head. âShe loved the picture of you, Ry. And I canât blame her, Iâm not surprised she wants you to be there, but if you donât want to go, I get it.â He paused for only a second, settling his hat back on his head.Â
 âOf course Iâll go.â You felt yourself relax, watching as he leaned back, fingers gripping the edge of the table. âAnything you need.âÂ
 ---Â
 An hour and a half later, a car dropped you off in front of Andreaâs gallery, a modern looking building on Lombard Street, and Ryan reached for your hand as soon as you stepped out of the vehicle, squeezing tightly. âThank you for coming, Ryan.â He winked at you in response, and the two of you entered the building, still hand in hand and introduced yourselves to the young man sitting behind the front desk. While you waited, you and Ryan looked around the lobby of the building, talking quietly about the paintings and photographs hanging there. These are good. Much better than mine. You frowned as you looked, feeling Ryanâs thumb circling against the side of your hand reassuringly.Â
 âTheyâre not.â He spoke quietly. âYours are just as good as these, if not better.â Did I say it out loud? You turned to look at Ryan, who was gazing down at you, eyes focused. âYou are incredible.â Just as you were about to respond, a middle-aged woman with bright red hair stepped into the lobby, a huge smile on her face.Â
 âWeâve been waiting for you two!â She stepped over, introducing herself and offering her hand to you and then Ryan to shake.âPlease come and sit in my office. Weâll walk through the main gallery.â As she led you through the space - wide open, bright light filtering through the windows, you couldnât help looking around, taking in the images. I donât belong here. This isnât⊠Philadelphia was one thing, but San Francisco? I canât. Ryanâs fingers stayed laced with yours, keeping you grounded, but you knew that if you chewed any harder on your lower lip, youâd bleed.Â
 By the time the three of you made it to Andreaâs office, a comfortable room with a small couch that she urged you and Ryan to sit on, you had a gnawing sensation in the pit of your stomach. Shouldnât have eaten that burger. It had seemed like such a good idea to come out, to meet with her and to discuss another show, but now that you were there, that it was actually a possibility, you were filled with doubt. âThank you for having us, maâam.â Ryanâs quiet voice broke the silence, and you looked over, surprised to see that heâd removed his hat, tucking it into the front pocket of his hoodie. âYouâve got a real nice place here.â With his few words, your apprehension melted away, replaced by resolve. He believes in me.Â
 âNo, thank you for making it out here!â Andrea raised one eyebrow, grinning. âAnd please, donât call me maâam, Andrea is fine⊠Iâve still got a few more years to go before maâam is fitting.â Ryan laughed and you did too, leaning back in your seat as Andrea took her place across from you, crossing her legs at the knee. âSo, Lori raved about you.â Andrea nodded her head as she spoke. âSaid you came in one day to speak with her, and you were so confident that she couldnât help but give you some space.â Yeah, I guess thatâs what happened. âAnd your photographs? I flew in to visit her before the end of the show, and I was so impressed with what I saw that I couldnât believe it. That was your first showing?âÂ
 âYeah, I mostly do work for websites and magazines, but Iâve never had work showcased like that before - all in one place.â The woman watched you intently, eyes on your face. âI was back in Philadelphia cleaning out my parentsâ place, andâŠâ
 âI read about you, about what happened to them.â Her voice softer, Andreaâs eyes narrowed in sympathy. âThat had to be very difficult.â Ryan reached over, putting a hand on your knee and squeezing without prompting. âBut tragedies are sometimes what we need to push us further, right?â She paused, looking down at Ryanâs hand. âAnd when we have people to support us?â Her smile was genuine, and she continued. âWe can get through things.â Oh, if you only knew. Changing the topic, you and Andrea talked for a few minutes about the Philadelphia show, about what motivated you to take some of the shots, about how you chose what to include. Ryan was a silent observer, but his presence kept you focused, the gentle sweep of his thumb on the inside of your knee comforting. âBut my real question is about Ryan here.â Andrea motioned to him with one hand, her attention shifting. âAnd why he was the singlular human inclusion in your first show.âÂ
 Ryanâs POVÂ
 The question surprised him, but Ryan knew that it had surprised you more. âHe was the only face in there, the only person⊠I just want to know why.â Andrea fell silent, waiting, and Ryan did too, wanting to know what youâd say. I know part of it, butâŠÂ
 âIâve never felt anything before like what I felt with him in Las Vegas.â Your voice wavered only once, and you continued. âThat picture was taken on the night before I left the city⊠before I left Ryan.â You shook your head and looked over at him, a sad smile on your face. âI was just trying to take a picture of him that would do him justice, that would show people how I saw him, even after only a few days of knowing him.â You looked down at your lap, reaching out with a hand to place it over Ryanâs, his flipping to make it easier. âIâd just met him, but it was like weâd known each other for years.â You looked up at Andrea, shrugging your shoulders. âHe was proud of himself, and I was proud of him, too. Even though I didnât know whether or not weâd ever see each other again after I left Vegas, Iâd always have that moment, that memory.â The redhead nodded. âAnd I wanted people to see it, because at the time that I was putting the show together, weâd fallen out of contact.âÂ
 âI lost my phone,â Ryan said sadly. âI used to jump trains, and I slipped and lost it, and had no way of getting ahold of her.â Andreaâs face fell sympathetically, and Ryan continued. âIt was a hard couple of months.â Thatâs putting it mildly.Â
 âSo I picked that picture, because⊠Ryan was the brightest part in some really dark moments of my life, and even if I didnât have him, Iâd⊠had him, just for a few days.â You trailed off. âI wanted to make him for everyone else what he was for me - larger than life, almost unreal. I wanted to remember him forever.â His heart thudded in his chest as the room went silent, and Ryan fought with himself not to grab you and kiss you on the couch. You canât do that, Brenner.Â
 âAnyone can take a photograph. Buildings and scenery and landscapes and all that⊠itâs easy.â Andrea spoke quietly, nodding her head slowly. âBut it takes skill to capture that - a person, someone thatâs basically a stranger - the way that you did with Ryan.â Andrea brought her eyes back up, looking at you and Ryan fought back a grin. Here we go. âIâve been with my wife for over a decade, and weâve taken thousands of pictures of each other, and none of them are like that.â Her eyes moved to Ryan. âI felt like I knew you looking at that picture, Ryan. That single moment was enough.â He nodded once, lip twitching into the barest of smiles. âSo weâve got an exhibit thatâs ending at the beginning of the year, and a new one that opens at the end of January.â Andrea paused, leaning in. âThat one ends in May.â Taking a breath, she tilted her head to the side. âWould six months be enough for you to go through your current work and take some new pictures so that you could open next June?âÂ
---Â
 Heâd excused himself while you and Andrea went over the basics of a contract and a schedule, stepping out onto the front steps of the gallery and pulling his phone out. He called his friend, pacing back and forth on the sidewalk as they spoke, and made plans to meet up later that evening, Ryan explaining that he hadnât brought his guitar. âDude, itâs fine.â Cliffâs laugh through the phone comforted Ryan, and he exhaled. âYou can still sing, itâs no big deal. This is so casual.â After only a few minutes, he hung up, looking around. Even if you stayed in South Carolina for a few extra months at the end of your current lease, youâd still be out by the time your exhibit opened, onto the next place, and Ryan figured youâd want to move away from the coast, settling somewhere in the Midwest. There has to be somethinâ that we can do, some way that we can find a place.Â
 Before he could get too lost in his thoughts, the front door of the gallery opened and you stepped out, Andrea close behind. âThank you again for coming.â She was grinning. âIâll have our legal team finalize that contract and then send it over for you to look at.â You nodded, reaching out to shake the womanâs hand again as you thanked her. âAnd Ryan?â He licked his lips as he looked at Andrea, feeling you step next to him. âTake care of her.â I will. He grinned too, reaching out to shake the womanâs hand. âI hope youâll come out here with her again when sheâs setting up.âÂ
 âPlan on it.â He ducked his head, kissing the top of yours, and as you pulled him away from the gallery, both of you were silent until youâd crossed the street, turning the corner. âWell?â He spoke when you stopped, interrupting as you reached into your purse for your phone to call another Uber. âEverything good?â You didnât answer right away and Ryan reached out, putting his hands on your shoulders, waiting. When you looked up at him, he saw the excitement in your eyes before youâd even spoken, the doubt all but gone.Â
 âYeah, Ryan, Iâm⊠Iâve got a second show, and she wants me to have at least 200 images, and - â Ryan moved, cutting you off with a kiss that started out slow, one hand leaving your shoulder and moving to the back of your head, his fingers tangling in your hair. You parted your lips for him, and he angled his head, drawing you closer. He could taste the mint on your breath from the mouthwash youâd used before getting into the first Uber, and though Ryan wanted to keep kissing you, he pulled away, taking a deep breath. âWhat was that for?â Everything.Â
 âFor beinâ you,â he replied simply. âFor beinâ honest with Andrea⊠for always lookinâ at me like you could see me instead of just lookinâ through me like everyone else did.â He swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke again, pulling you to his chest and hugging you tightly. âYou coulda just watched a song and moved on like everyone else, but you didnât. You stopped and you took a minute and you didnât just see a guitar or hear a voice.â Ryan paused, closing his eyes and wrinkling his nose. âItâs like Iâve always been more to you, even when I wasnât.âÂ
 âYou were,â you replied quietly, taking a deep breath and shuddering. âEven before I knew you, knew your name, knew⊠who you were, you were more.â You shrugged, shaking your head and leaning forward, resting your forehead against his chest. âYou were what I wanted to be but never found, Ryan. You⊠I couldnât walk by. How could anyone?â I donno. Ryanâs hands moved up from your back, holding your face between them as he shook his head slowly back and forth.Â
 âNo idea. But Iâm glad you didnât.â You smiled, turning your head slightly to kiss the heel of his hand, eyes closing as your lips lingered on his skin. Itâs that simple. âI love you.â He felt warm - like he did every time he got to look at you and say those words, and Ryan continued, urging you to look back at him. âYou still wanna go to the Panhandle tonight?â A nod, your eyes full of light, and he tightened his fingers marginally, applying pressure to the area right behind your jaw. âGood. I got ahold of Cliff, we can meet him at seven.âÂ
 âRy?â He hummed a response, watching you blink slowly at him. âItâs only 3:30, can we go back to the room for a while?âÂ
 ---
POV: YouÂ
 After the stifling heat on the East coast, you were thrilled that you had a few days worth of cooler weather to enjoy. After you and Ryan had returned to the hotel room, where heâd eased you down into the bed and thoroughly congratulated you on the new exhibit, youâd napped, waking only when you heard the shower running. Joining him and playfully slapping his hands away in order to be sure that both of you actually showered so that you could meet his friends on time, you spent the entire shower watching him out of the corner of your eye and appreciating the way that the soapy water ran down his long, lean body.Â
 âJeans and boots?â Ryan was in the bathroom doorway, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed over his chest. âIâve died and gone to heaven.â You laughed, looking up at him as you tugged the zipper of your boot up, hair hanging in a single sheet over your shoulder.Â
 âYouâve never seen me in cold weather clothes, Ryan Brenner.â You stood, cocking your head to the side. âI live in jeans and boots in the fall and winter.â He looked you up and down, a smirk on his face. âYouâre not the only one that can wear the hell out of denim.â He laughed, a hand moving through his hair as he stepped into the room and sat down on the bed next to where youâd been, pulling his own boots back on.Â
 Silently, pulled on your overshirt - a black and gray flannel that had been your dads, and was one of the softest shirts you owned. âYouâre perfect, you know that?â What? His voice was quiet as you turned, tucking the hem of Ryanâs green t shirt into the front of your jeans. âThat your dadâs shirt?â You nodded, allowing him to pull you down onto his lap, his lips finding the side of your neck. âItâs good that you kept it.â You sat in silence, Ryanâs hand gripping your thigh and then he sighed. âWe should get goinâ, if weâre gonna walk itâs gonna take some time.â Standing, you turned to face Ryan and held your hands out, waiting for him to grip them so that you could pretend to help him get to his feet, but instead, he tugged you forward, surprising you as he laid back.Â
 âRyan!â You laughed as you landed on him, hair fanning out around your head. âWhat are you doing?â He let go of your hands and moved his to your hips, fingers beneath the flannel and gripping the material of his shirt. âYou said we needed to go!â But you were laughing still, leaning down to kiss his mouth, lips meeting his readily.Â
 âJust wanted another minute with you,â he mumbled, kissing the corner of your mouth and then your cheek, reaching up to push your hair away from your face. âI know we have to go, butâŠâ You knew what he was trying to say, because you felt it, too. Though the two of you did things separately often, the times that you spent together were better - and neither of you were unselfish enough to cut those moments any shorter than necessary. Youâd been without him physically for nearly a year, and out of contact for months, and you werenât about to waste any additional time when you had it because the truth of the matter was that neither of you really had anywhere concrete to be, except with each other.Â
 Ryan finally pushed you off of him, groaning. âYeah, yeah, Ry.â You rolled your eyes as you stood, again holding a hand out to him and tugging as he stood. âYou excited to see your friends?â You put a hand on your hip as he looked to the wall next to the bed - where his guitar would have been.Â
 âWish I had my guitar.â Youâd hurt yourself even more⊠youâll be fine. âMy voice isâŠâ
 âYour voice is perfect, Ryan. Youâre going to sing and youâre going to enjoy yourself, and youâre not even going to miss that guitar.â He looked at you, shaking his head. âAlso, I have a surprise for you.â One eyebrow raised, he watched as you stepped over to your suitcase, reaching in and rooting around. âI figured you knew someone out here.â You sighed as your fingers closed around the small object. âAnd I knew that even though you couldnât play, youâd want to sing with them.â Holding up the recorder, you watched as Ryanâs face lit up. âI didnât think youâd even think about bringing it, so⊠I packed it for you.âÂ
 âYouâre the best. What would I do without you?â Ryanâs relief and appreciation were genuine, and he took the device from you, tucking it into the pocket of his jeans. Youâll never find out.  âReady?â You nodded as you grabbed the room key from the dresser, following him out of the room.Â
---Â
 Cliff was waiting in the park with two other people - a man and a woman, both carrying instruments of their own. Magen had a banjo, Tommy had a set of well-worn bongos and Cliffâs guitar showed all the signs of being played for years without looking shabby. They welcomed Ryan into the group without pause, Cliff throwing his arms around the taller man as he introduced everyone - and then, to your surprise, he hugged you, too. Oh, OK. âItâs good to finally meet you.â His smile was wide, and you couldnât help returning it, throwing Ryan a questioning glance. âBrenner wonât shut up about you.â Cliff rolled his eyes, continuing. âWe saw him last fall in Kansas, and I knew then that he wasnât gonna let you go.â With another look at Ryan, you saw that his cheeks were bright red, lips pressed together in an embarrassed smile. Really? âTalked to him after Christmas, too, when he was in St. Louis.â It was Cliffâs turn to frown, and even as you felt Ryanâs hand on your hip, your heart thumped as you recalled the time - so recent - that youâd thought he was gone forever. âIâm glad you two found each other.â Cliff nodded again, gesturing to Ryanâs hand. âBut youâre hurt again, Brenner? Come on!â
 âPlayed for so long I tore the calluses on my fingers, Cliff.â Ryan cleared his throat. âAlready feel better, but I canât play for a few days⊠still gonna sing, though.â The mood shifting, Cliff gestured to a blanket only a few feet away and you and Ryan settled in, the others gathering around you. Ryan let the three of them play for a few songs, Magenâs voice soulful and definitely not what you expected out of her and Tommy clearly in love with the girl, as his eyes never left her, even as he played. Cliff was talented on the guitar, but you could tell that Ryan felt uncomfortable sitting idle, and after two songs, you leaned over, whispering in his ear.Â
 âYou said that you just sang at first when you were in St. Louis with Kenny, right?â He nodded, brown eyes filled with longing as he looked at Cliffâs instrument. âDo the same thing here. Ask them to play something that you can sing, and just donât think about it.â He paused, letting them finish and then nodded, crossing his legs and turning the upper half of his body to face the other three.Â
 âMind if I join in?â He sounded hopeful, and the next couple of minutes were spent discussing what direction to go in, Ryan turning back to you and pulling the recorder out of his pocket, handing it to you. âYouâll know when to turn it on.â Will I? He cleared his throat, waiting and when Tommy started playing, everyone else joined in. They played three songs, Magen and Ryan taking turns on lead vocals, Cliff joining in at times and then took a break, talking amongst themselves and to the people that had stopped. There were just as many people giving Ryan longing looks as there were gazing as Magen, but even as he talked with the people that stopped, he made it clear that he was with you - a hand on top of yours, fingers trailing down your arm, leaning over to kiss you on the cheek. No doubt.Â
 Ryan relaxed as the night went on, but you never got the sense that what was happening was special - well, special enough to be out of the ordinary, at least. The four musicians played well together, complimenting each other, ad libbing, extending songs⊠and you watched eagerly, drinking the performances in. By nine thirty, it was fully dark out, the park crowd changing to adults, to people that were there specifically to listen to performers like your group, and you offered to get up, buying bottles of water from a nearby Chevron station for everyone so that they could keep playing. You took your time walking to and from the building, the bag over your arm full of water and a Red Bull for yourself that you knew Ryan would drink half of, admiring the area that you were in.Â
 When you got back to the group, they were between songs, and Ryan surprised you by pulling you down onto his lap, arms going around you as the five of you laughed with the gathered crowd. This is so different. You felt accepted by this group of Ryanâs friends, and though you were thankful, you were also sad that Georgie had responded to you in the way that he had. I wonder if heâd ever change his mind. Your questioning was short lived, because as soon as Ryan had drained the last of your can, he motioned for you to get off of him, standing up and stretching. They played another song - an ubeat one that had Ryan and Tommy laughing by the end, Ryanâs long legs folding beneath him as he sat back down, bumping his shoulder into yours.Â
 Without pause, Cliff began playing another song, Tommyâs drums joining in without missing a beat. Eyes widening, you scrambled for the recorder, flipping it on and pressing record even as you moved away from Ryan to get a better vantage point. âAll you, Brenner.â You heard Magenâs voice, quiet and sure as she lowered her banjo, letting Cliff and Tommy take over. Ryan took a deep breath and started singing, eyes closing after only a few words.Â
 It's the time of the season
When love runs high
And this time, give it to me easy
And let me try with pleasured hands
 Magenâs voice joined his as he reached the chorus, and you were shocked at how well they blended together. His face, itâs different⊠he⊠His eyes were squeezed shut, nose crinkled as he breathed life into the words, and you vaguely noticed a growing crowd of people around you, pausing to listen and watch, staying respectfully silent. Ryanâs eyes opened again in the interlude between verses, his head turning toward you, eyes landing on your face just before he started singing again. Ryan inhaled, one eyebrow raised as he reached a hand out to you, fingertips grazing the curve of your cheek.Â
 What's your name?Â
Who's your daddy?
Is he rich like me?
Has he taken, any time
To show you what you need to live
 You couldnât breathe. Heâs trying to kill me. In Ryanâs voice, the words that youâd heard hundreds of times before took on new meaning, the way he stared at you as he sang - like he was the one that had written the lyrics, that the song was for you⊠it was unlike anything youâd heard before. His eyes closed again as Magen joined in, Ryanâs hand falling away from your face and back into his lap as he continued to sing, wetting his lips with his tongue with another inhalation.Â
 Though the verse was repeated, Ryan and Magen switched the lead, his deep tone almost more suited for the echoes than the main lines, but by the third time they sang it - together, you could tell that sheâd resigned herself to being the backup. This is even better than Vegas. Ryan took a final breath before the last lines of the song, closing his eyes again, and you watched his upper lip curl, the last notes leaving his lips and lingering in the air. When he finally stopped singing, Ryan opened his eyes again, lips parting as his tongue poked out. Before even looking at the crowd, Ryan turned to you, and you saw his lower lip tremble, the expression on his face one of hope and surprise.Â
 âI got it.â You nodded, reaching down and pressing the âstopâ button on the device, nodding. âEvery bit of it.â He let out a deep breath just as the final guitar note faded away and people began to clap, stepping forward and dropping money into the guitar case in front of you. Oh, Ryan. Even as he stood, a smile on his face as he spoke to the people watching, Ryanâs right hand reached down, fingers spread as he tapped on your shoulder, urging you to your feet.Â
 Standing, he put his arm around your shoulders and gestured to Magen, waiting for her to stand as both Cliff and Tommy did the same, the conversation around you growing louder as everyone spoke at the same time, excitedly. He was right. You looked around, noticing the looks on peopleâs faces. They see performances like this all the time, and yet.. This one⊠they can tell it was special. A few minutes later, youâd pulled away from Ryan and everyone had settled back in, the music starting again without fail. It doesnât matter what else they play tonight - that was it.
 Heart beating quickly, you allowed your mind to wander, trying to figure out how you and Ryan were going to get to all of the places he wanted to go so that he could connect with his friends and sing - the way heâd done that night, the way heâd done in New York, even the way heâd done in Vegas in front of the Eiffel Tower. The setting doesnât matter. Itâs the people, the feeling that he gets.Â
 That night, sitting on a threadbare blanket on the grass of San Franciscoâs Panhandle, you made an important decision: no matter what you had to do, you were going to make sure that Ryan got to where he needed to go and to who he needed to see. I owe you that, Ryan Brenner. You deserve it.Â
---
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The Big Easy (Drabble #2)
Pairing: Ryan Brenner x Reader
Word Count: 1658
Rating: M (Language, a little bit of sexual talk?)
Authorâs Note: Who wouldnât want to see Ryan in New Orleans? That city screams âbluesâ ... so here you go. Hope you enjoy it.Â
The heat was almost suffocating, but Ryan stayed put, sweat dripping down his brow and tracing a path down the back of his neck too, sliding beneath the collar of his white shirt. He was playing hard, taking his turns with his friend Fabienne, who had an accordion and a washboard that she too alternated with. He was having fun despite the heat, and even though it was nearly midnight, Decatur street was still wild and alive, the crowds pulsing around him - people just as sweaty as he was, not caring at all. The drinks were flowing, and though all Ryan had consumed since he and Fabienne had started playing was about a gallon and a half of water, he was still locked in. Havenât played like this since ⊠since New York.Â
As the song Ryan was playing came to an end, the group of people that had stopped to watch him clapped and cheered politely, including Fabienne, who had picked her washboard back up, raising an eyebrow at him and mouthing the word âsunâ, even as Ryan nodded, using a free hand to push his hair back from his sweaty forehead. It was cliche, but Fabienneâs version of Nina Simoneâs version of the song was entrancing, and even though heâd heard her sing it nearly a hundred times before, as he strummed along, providing backing vocals when the song called for them, Ryan found his attention focused on the movement of the womanâs hands, the way her mouth looked as she sang.
 What theyâd had when he was barely twenty and Fabienne a few years older had been short-lived but intense, and as Ryan played he smiled to himself, realizing that that seemed to be his MO; falling quick and falling hard - letting himself get lost in the things around him. Not anymore. The easy friendship that had been the result of the months theyâd spent together was well worth the anguish heâd first felt when she told him she was settling in to New Orleans, that sheâd found a place to call her home - and it was in the city sheâd abandoned as a teenager. She was Ryanâs first heartbreak - his most important - and even almost a decade later, he still loved her dearly. Fabienne and Ryan had kept in touch throughout the years, and heâd been at her wedding to Alexander, a man that had been passing through the city and had fallen in love with the woman just as quickly as Ryan had. There were no hard feelings between Ryan and Fabienne, and though sheâd called him a silly boy, even has her fingers had tugged on his hair and trailed down his neck for the last time, it hadnât taken long for Ryan to realize that sheâd been right - he had still been just a kid, had no clue what he wanted or who he wanted to be⊠and New Orleans wasnât going to help him figure it out and neither was she.Â
 The crowd was silent as they watched the duo, but it wasnât because they were bad - it was because they played so fluidly that it was as if they were the same person, adding in extra runs and notes, pauses that shouldnât have been there without missing a beat. As they played, Ryan realized that this was to be their last song that night; she always ended things with a bang, and this was it - this was her finale, the way that sheâd always been. When the song ended, Ryan took a deep breath, realizing that heâd closed his eyes as he sang along, one foot moving against the ground, his left hand gripping the neck of his guitar tighter than usual. He could feel the slickness on the instrument, a combination of his own sweat and the moisture in the air, and Ryan suddenly wanted a shower more than anything else in the world. I made the right call, bringinâ this guitar.Â
 He took another breath, finally opening his eyes and looking over at his friend, who was grinning wildly, shaking peopleâs hands and adjusting her dress as she did so, using the skirt to carefully wipe the sweat from her face. She truly was at home in the French Quarter, though she hadnât been playing much since she and Alexanderâs son had been born seven months prior, but Ryan knew that it wouldnât take her long to get back into the swing of things⊠and if the way sheâd played that night and the nights before were any indication, she was focused. âAre you ready, Brenner?â He grinned at hearing his name in her thick accent and rolled his shoulders, reaching down into his guitar case for the dry cloth he kept there, slowly and carefully wiping it over the smooth wood of the Gibson.Â
 By the time he finished, settling the guitar back into the hard case, Fabienne was packed up as well, holding a folded stack of bills in her hand, which she then presented to Ryan, who tucked them into his wallet without counting them. Good night, and itâs still early. âWhereâs Alex?â The woman smiled, a hand smoothing back her hair and she gestured down the street. âAgain?â The woman laughed, stepping over to Ryan, fingers hooked around the strap of the bag sheâd slung over her shoulder, which carried both instruments and the folding stool sheâd perched on all night. âI canât blame him, those beignets are incredible.Â
 âThey are, I ate about a thousand of them when I was pregnant with Cecily⊠and your friend seems to enjoy them too, Ryan.â At the mention of you, Ryan felt himself smle, his head moving up and down. âIâm glad that theyâre getting to know each other.â He nodded again, following Fabienne over to her car in a nearby parking lot, securing the instruments in the trunk. For the past few days - ever since youâd arrived in New Orleans, you and Alexander had spent time getting to know each other while Ryan and Fabienne reconnected. The purpose of the trip wasnât to busk, though practice was necessary in order to do what Ryan had really wanted to do with Fabienne: record a video of them playing together in a setting that wasnât a studio.Â
 Did she have a voice that would be perfect for it ? Yes. Was she surprised that Ryan didnât want to go professional? She was. But she understood - because as youâd said to him in Vegas, it wasnât about having a perfect recording every time - it was about the way it felt to sing and play. As they made their way down the street toward the cafe where you and Alexander were waiting, Ryan stepped closer to Fabienne, ducking his head down as they walked, pausing in front of the door to the 24 hour cafe. âLadies first, Fabi.â She laughed at his nickname for her, bowing slightly as she stepped through the door, Ryan following.Â
 Though heâd last seen you only a few hours before, the moment he laid eyes on you, the deep purple of your maxi dress rich against your skin, Ryan felt his chest get tight, watching as you sat up straighter at the table, raising your coffee cup to your lips. Fabienne sank down onto a seat next to Alexander, the man leaning over to kiss her, her hands eagerly reaching for the powdered confections on the table in front of them. âHave a good night?â You spoke quietly to him, leaning in to press a kiss to his bearded cheek, your fingers moving to the back of his head, curling the damp hair at the nape of his neck around your fingertips. âYou guys play like you used to?â
  On the flight to New Orleans, Ryan had told you about his history with Fabienne in detail, elaborating on the things that heâd first told you about her when you heâd told you his plan to reach out to some of his contacts on your trip across the country. You took it in stride - as you did with most things post-Jackie, but Ryan had been nervous for you to meet the woman for the first time, not knowing what heâd do if he ever came face to face with someone else that youâd been intimate with any point in your life. But it seemed that youâd taken to Fabienne as quickly as everyone that met her, and Ryan was glad. Theyâd opened their home to the two of you, and Ryan could tell that you werenât looking forward to leaving. âYeah,â he grinned, nodding his head. âYeah, we did.â You licked your lips, staring at Ryan for a moment before you broke eye contact, reaching out for one of the beignets on the table and holding it up to him before taking a bite and setting the remainder of it down on the plate, the powdered sugar drifting over your hand and against your lips, even as you chewed.Â
 âWant one? They taste great.â You spoke after you swallowed, and Ryan barely let you get the words out before he leaned in, taking your hand and bringing your fingertips to his lips, sucking the powder from them without batting an eye. âShit, Ry!â Your eyes widened, darting over to Fabienne and Alexander, but they were speaking animatedly to each other, not paying attention, and when your gaze returned to him he saw that you were looking at him with hooded eyes, the skin of your chest and shoulders reddening as he gave the same treatment to each digit in turn, his long fingers closing around your entire hand and squeezing when he finished.Â
 He tugged you closer, lips finding your cheek first and then your mouth, slipping his tongue in with ease and tasting the pastry. âNah,â he sighed as he pulled away, feeling your other hand tightening against his neck, a grin spreading across his face. âThatâs what Iâve got you for.âÂ
---
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