#we would. like to. try to make more friends. that is. one of. our new year's resolutions.

[wolls-angel]

୨୧ ‧₊˚ hockey song (cover) - Offside AU ˚₊‧ ୨୧

pairing: j. woll x popstar!reader summary: Y/N is in Toronto to meet her best friend's new boyfriend and they go to one of his games. Little does she know a certain goalie is captivated by her. lyrics: Oh! The good ol' Hockey game / Is the best game you can name / And the best game you can name / Is the good ol' Hockey game word count: 1.4k warning(s): pure fluff, not proof read notes: yayyyyyy first chapter of Offside !! so excited to finally share this with you all. i hope you enjoy !! xoxo fun fact: ik this song by heart. offside masterpost - next chapter

You hear a high pitched squeal come from behind you and immediately know exactly who is standing there. Iris Bennett, your best friend since... well, forever. You turn around and open your arms to invite her in for a hug. It has been 7 horrible months without your best friend, but now you are here, in Toronto, to play a show and (more importantly) meet Iris' new boyfriend.

When Iris told you she met someone you never thought it would be a hockey star. "His name is William Nylander. Look him up, Y/N" and you did. Tall, handsome, blonde. You understood why she liked him. But you wanted to meet him. It just so happened that you had booked Scotia Bank Arena the day after the Leafs were scheduled to play there, so Iris Invited you to the game as her plus one.

She ran into you at full force, "I missed you!!". She was a little taller than you with shorter blonde hair and the kindest eyes you could ever imagine. You lose your balance for a second but she stabilizes you.

"I missed you too, Iris," she pulls away, "How have things been?". All she does is smile and cover her mouth, as if she's trying to hide her excitement, "Amazing! Y/N, you have to meet Willy. He's amazing and so sweet and so funny and just the perfect guy". You smile at her excitement. She hasn't spoken this way about a man in a very long time.

"I'm happy for you, babe," you look around and notice how people are starting to recognize who you are, "Time to go to the hotel?"

"Yeah".

The drive to the hotel is filled with giggles and gossip as you tell Iris about your breakup with Milo and her first few months of dating William, who she lovingly refers to as Willy.

The Leafs management had been very kind in arranging your accommodations for staying in Toronto, in exchange for an appearance at a game. Your publicist, Janine, agreed but only if you could steal a player the next night for your show. So... everyone was happy.

You were staying in the Royal York, a gorgeous old hotel right across from the arena where you would be attending the game and playing your show. The staff seemed nice and they were able to bring all your luggage to your room no problem. When you got to the hotel room, there was a box on the bed with a card beside it. You drop your purse and open the card.

ANGL, We are so pleased you will be joining us for our game against the Anaheim Ducks tonight. As a token of our appreciation for your work and talent, we hope you will wear this bedazzled and signed Joseph Woll jersey. We are excited to see you at the game. ~ Leafs Management

You smile and open the box. Just like the card said, there is a bedazzled blue Leafs home jersey. Of course you decide to wear it. How could you say no?

The gossip between you and Iris continues as you get ready for the game together. Normally WAGs don't wear their man's jersey or sit in the front row, but Iris wasn't going to make you do all the fan stuff on your own. She put on her jersey, reading Nylander 88 on the back, and a pair of crisp blue jeans to match.

"He did what?" Iris' jaw drops as you nod, finishing your makeup. "Seriously, I can't believe you didn't leave him sooner... What an asshole. Telling you to lose weight because it would be bad for him to have a fat girlfriend? He's just self conscious he couldn't lift you up at Disney". You let out a giggle at that comment. You see Iris check her watch in the mirror and she says, "Shit, girl, you need to change. We're gonna be late and I told Willy I'd get you there for warm ups".

"Perfect timing, because makeup is done," you swipe the last bit of lipgloss on your lips and put the tube in your purse. Iris hands you the jersey. It fits well. Kinda oversized, which you like. You fix your hair and sigh. You didn't even look up who this Woll guy is. What if he's some controversial guy who has a criminal record and is barely being kept out of jail? What if he beats his girlfriend?

"Come on, Y/N, we need to go!" Iris yells from the other room. You slip on your black leather platform boots and grab your purse, following Iris out the door.

Scotia Bank Arena is already bouncing with excitement when you arrive. The Leafs are all on the ice and skating around, warming up. You take your seat and number 88 immediately comes up to the boards, waving at Iris. She waves back and then points to you. You wave and smile. That must be William. He waves and mouths "nice to meet you" before blowing a kiss at Iris and skating away.

Thirty seconds later, another guy, number 23, comes up to the board. He waves at Iris and shoots you a wink before continuing on his way. You laugh at the gesture and ask Iris, "Who was that?". "Matthew Knies. Young guy, very nice. I can introduce you if you want..." Iris shrugs against you and wiggles her eyebrows. "Stop that," you playfully hit her thigh. Then, you hear a horn. The game is starting.

The game is exciting. Leafs score. Leafs powerplay. Offside. Ducks score. Leafs score. Leafs score. Ducks penalty. Icing. Fight. Leafs score. Two minutes to the end of the 3rd and its 4-1 Leafs. The arena is buzzing. Your leg is bouncing and you are holding Iris' hand for dear life.

The whistle blows and the man over the speakers shouts, "We forgot to mention a little surprise for all you music lovers in the crowd tonight. Please give a warm Toronto Maple Leafs welcome to popstar, ANGL!". The crowd roars as the camera pans to you and Iris. You wave and blow kisses up to it, smiling sweetly.

The Leafs goalie turns to look at you while tapping his stick on the ice as if to clap before getting into position for the face off. This is exciting. Ducks empty net. Pumped up crowd and thirty second left in the game. The ref drops the puck and the Ducks captain wins the faceoff, shooting it at the goal. The goalie males the save and there is a path. He gives it a good hit and it travels down the ice, into the Ducks net. The whistle blows signalling the game is over and the announcer says, "Leafs win 5-1 annnndddddd Joseph Woll with his first goal of the season, unassisted!". The arena erupts in cheers and you even hear people chanting "And after allllllll, you're my Joseph Wolllllllll" (like Wonderwall by Oasis).

The rest of the Leafs line up to give the goalie, or Woll, a hug before they all file off the ice. You get up to leave but Iris tells you, "No, wait, we have to see who are the three stars of the game," so you sit back down. The announcer begins, "And now, your stars of the game! Third star of the game, from your Toronto Maple Leafs, number 88, William Nylander," the crowd cheers and Iris jumps up and down, screaming. William skates onto the ice and gives his stick to a young boy in the front row across the ice from the bench.

"Second star of the game, from the Anaheim Ducks, number 11, Trevor Zegras". There is very little applause from the audience and Zegras doesn’t even come on the ice. "Finally, the first star of the game, from you Toronto Maple Leafs, number 60 Joseph Woll." The crowd cheers again and Woll skates onto the ice. He turns towards you and smiles, tossing his stick over the glass to give you. He mouths "nice jersey" and skates away.

You can feel your cheeks heat up and you look at Iris, whose mouth is hanging open. "What?" you ask her. "Nothing, nothing. Just seems like a song worthy moment, you know?". You laugh. Maybe it is. All you know is you'll be going to a lot more hockey games from now on.

*ur.angel has added a post*

[patmax17]

Signal boosting!

I don't think this tackles all the issues (duh), but it's well-written, clear and on-point.

I allow myself to add my two cents to the discussion (disclaimer: i'm a random guy on the internet who's passionate about TTRPGs, I'm not an expert on these matters and this are just my impressions and my opinion):

on the divide, and the comparison to cinema and video games, I think the main difference between those and TTRPG is the fact that, as you say, even in the mainstream community there really only one game, D&D. In cinema and in video games, AAA productions fight for their share of the audience, the consumers are used to having several options ant making choices about them. Not so with D&D, WotC is very keen on selling their game as "the one and only" roleplaying game, and they have the money to do so. D&D is in some ways a monopoly, which is very hard to break, AFAICT

the indie ttrpg community I knew used to be on Google+, there was one platform where a large number of people could interact and discuss. With Google+ shutting down, the rise of various social media (both corporate and independant), there was a diaspora of the indie TTRPG community. A contributing factor is also that there are a lot more people in the community, which makes keeping contact harder, which isn't a too bad problem to have :) But yes, I definitely feel the lack of a space where most of the indie community can interact, talk about games, meet friends, set up playing sessions and more.

I'm Italian, and one thing that the italian indie ttrpg community did well (IMO) are the conventions. We definitely suffered from the closure of Google+, but there are periodically events around where someone (a person or an association) rent a room, invite a bunch of friend over, put out a few posts online and suddenly you have 40-60 people playing various games side by side over the weekend. It's a great time and it's a great way to get to know new people (especially new players and people who are *not* chronically online). It's also a way to try out new games, and to get people to play your own, if you can interest them enough. What I'm trying to say is that one thing that could help our hobby would be to normalize indie ttrpg conventions like these. They're pretty easy and cheap to organize, and they're a great experience both for old and new players

I'm not sure I can contribute meaningfully to this project, and I definitely don't have the time to follow a discord server (or any chat-based discussion), but I completely approve that you are having this discussion, and wish you all the success!

Let’s Grow the RPG Hobby

Inspired by this post and the conversation surrounding it.

So the RPG world is facing a multitude of interconnected problems. Let’s talk about them, shall we?

---

1: The Problem(s)

Writing this, I find it hard to pinpoint a way to frame the subject of this post as a single thing. But it’s also impossible to treat it as it it’s a collection of separate problems. In reality, the issues facing the indie RPG world are A Hydra; a many-headed conglomeration of related issues, which each require organized, dedicated work to solve. A few examples:

The Normie-Indie Divide

A problem close to my heart, The Normie-Indie Divide describes the gradient between the mainstream of an artistic hobby and the really independent stuff. I compare this to movies a lot, but the more apt analogy is video games. The N-I-D in the videogame industry is so small as to be virtually nonexistent.

We can see this via a number of factors – one example being that the same outlets which cover massive blockbusters & sequels like Assassin’s Creed and God of War, also cover popular indie titles like Celeste and Hollow Knight. Then, freelance journalists who write for those publications (Jacob Geller is an example) go on to cover much smaller games on their own time, and so on. There’s a smooth gradient between the media coverage of the huge stuff, all the way down to a thriving (if still underserved) super-independant industry.

The N-I-D in RPGs feels uncrossable. The most well known RPG is so big it’s currenly riding the high of its second major hollywood adaptation in 20 years, and the second most popular – Vampire the Masquerade – is an unknown even to some indie RPG fans.* This hobby is shockingly impenetrable, even to those of us who spend our days swimming in the deepest end of the pool.

The Supply & Demand Problem

This one’s simple: People are pumping out RPGs by the truckload, and there are just too many! Not only does this make it hard to sift through everything to find the thing you want to read, play, or review, it also makes it nearly impossible to get anyone’s eyeballs on the cool thing you just released!

As others have pointed out, this problem is exacerbated by the fact that relative to some other art media, it’s pretty quick and painless to whip up your own zine or one-pager and publish it on itch. This disincentivises even the most invested of us from looking at a ton of new games, and means that sharing your work can feel like you’re being ignored by a huge crowd.

A Road To Solutions

If all of that is making you feel pretty bad for the future of this medium, you’re not alone. It can feel pretty hopeless facing all of these problems as an indie designer when all the tools you have at your disposal are a tumblr account and a few indie friends to complain to.

But the truth is, I think that this Hydra is eminently slayable. I just don’t think we can do it alone. That in mind, I’ve spent a large portion of my day putting together…

The Call to Action

I think there needs to be organized, persistent effort put into the future of this hobby and this industry, and I think it needs to start the way all good movements do: with a lot of petty, semantic argumentation over definitions and implementation. And to kick things off, here’s my step zero: If you’re reading this post because I’ve tagged you in it (or because I’ve sent you a link to it), my Dms are open. I want to put together a discord group chat† of my peers within RPG tumblr who are invested in tackling The Hydra, such that we can start brainstorming plans of attack to disseminate into the wider community.

The issues I wish to address are these:

The Normie-Indie Divide: How do we go about cultivating a casual audience of indie RPG fans who can bring sustainability and longevity to the industry?

The Supply & Demand Problem: How do we minimize the cognitive load of sorting through the huge volume of work extant in this medium, and more generally encourage peer-to-peer interaction within the community, like news coverage, reviews, and marketing?

The Cognitive Frontload Problem: How do we make it easier to actually engage with a given RPG, considering the amount of cognitive & temporal investment needed? Further, how do we make RPGs, both general and specific, more accessible to readers with a wide variety of abilities, preferences, and available time?

The Insular Community Problem: How do we better connect this hobby with itself, such that it feels a little less like several dozen cliques across 4-6 platforms, and more like the growing, evolving single hobbyist community that it is? Further, how do we make this hobby more accessible to newbies outside the influence of The Hegemons of the Coast?

And more. I’m positive I haven’t thought of everything, and that’s exactly why this needs to be a group effort.

As a last note: Please tag other people! The folks I’ve mentioned here are just those who I personally feel I know well enough to tag; let’s get the rest of the community involved! If you know someone who would be interested who isn’t on tumblr, they can email me: sabrinahawthornegames@proton.me.

*I’m not kidding. Multiple times within the last four months, I’ve introduced VtM to people who I would consider pretty in the sauce of RPGs. I’m talking folks who’ve played Heart: The City Beneath or Wanderhome. It’s bizarre.

†I need to stress that this is only a start. I’m not looking to start a big public discord unless that’s what a group of folks decide is the right call. By “group chat,” I mean “a chat which exists for long enough to hold 1-3 group voice calls to discuss and hash things out, before it’s dissolved in favor of the execution of whatever plans we devise.”

@theresattrpgforthat; @omophagic-beast; @ladytabletop; @rowansender; @monsterfactoryfanfic; @arsene-inc; @toyourstations

[mortiskiller]

A Fulfilling Career

A story inspired by @oofooferson and a conversation we had. Enjoy!

I took this job out of loyalty to the royal family, after all being chosen to be the personal butler to Lord Harris is an immense honor. What I could not anticipate was how much serving his highness would broaden my horizons.

My first day was filled with anxiety and nerves. I had never met Lord Harris, how would he react to someone with no experience serving such a distinguished house and Lord. Questions raced through my mind. What does a butler do? Should I have a schedule? Where do I even start? As thoughts flooded my mind bring a nervous heat to my cheeks, my eyes snapped to attention as my Lord was announced to his new staff. A heavy wooden door slowly opened revealing a sight that instantly emptied my mind of anything besides the sight before me.

Tailored in fine linens and cloth, a rich dark red shirt pulled tightly across his rounding stomach. Black pants of fine silk trimmed with gold seeming to be painted on caressing thick legs jiggling as he walked forward. A chest bluging with a mix of muscle and fat that gave him a delicious barrel-chested look. Capped off with a round cherry face, framed by a double chin you could grab inches of. His hair falling in ringlets out of a fine forest green cap adorned with feathers of beautiful birds of the his lands.

It was not until a hand touched my shoulder did I realize he was talking to me. “Hello, I am Lord Harris and judging by your attire you must be my new butler. Welcome aboard!”. His sentence punctuated by a firm slap to my back, revealing the muscle hidden under his deceptively round frame.

After a full day of getting acquainted with the estate and my responsibilities, it was my first time serving Lord Harris his dinner. The walk from the kitchen to his dining hall was brisk walk, 2 to 3 minutes of marveling at the finely appointed walls. Serving the Lord his dinner, my role was to stay near by to minster to any of his needs. “Please, do not just stand there like a statue in my gardens, sit and let's talk.” I was unsure of what we would have in common, but the conversation eased me into a comfortable sense of talking with a friends. Without much thought I began eating with the Lord as well. Minutes turned to hours and as the moon shine bright against the halls curtains, the meal was done. Saying our good byes, I cleaned the plates and began my walk to the kitchen. “Butler!” Lord Harris exclaimed. “Make sure at my future meals you instruct the kitchen to make you a meal as well, I enjoy your company.” Heat rapidly filled my cheeks, I could feel myself blushing at this admission of shared intimacy. “Yes my lord, it would be my pleasure!” Leaving the dining hall I was filled with an excitement for the future.

One year later…

If you would have told me on my first day I would become fast friends with Lord Harris, I would called you mad! Yet day after day we continued our budding friendship. Shared meals turned into walks around the grounds and conversations that deepened our bond. Week after week the kitchen produced the most delectable of dishes constantly begging me to try them. As our friendship grew, so did my waist line. It was not lost on me that I was eating more and more of the Lord Harris’s meals. It was not without a small amount of embarrassment I had to ask the royal tailor for a new uniform as my body cling to each pound. While I was still smaller then my lord, it was quickly becoming a matter of time before I matched it exceeded his size.

After a long day of preparing for the Spring Festival that drew attendees from far lands, I was exhausted. Each pound lead to growing strain to complete my duties. My feet and back ache from pacing the grounds to coordinate the staff. Heavy breathing announced my imminent arrival to the staff. Whispers in the servants quarters spoke of Lord Harris taken a liking to me like a prize hog at the fair. Keeping me on due to his lust for men that matched his own robust physique.

These thoughts were far from my mind as I trudged to my quarters. My clothes felt restricting and tight as I created a mental note to see the tailor again. Opening my door the aromas of a feast wafted out. Before me were platters of fine meats and cheeses, warm soft breads with bowls of butter and jam. Even a small amount of cake adorned with decorations of butter cream icing. Instinctively my mouth watered and my hands started to run my soft curvaceous gut.

As I sat down all the aches and pains faded as the first bite of roasted duck and Brie exploded into my mouth. Thick slices of brown bread coated in butter disappeared faster and faster as I ate. Sweet fruity notes coated my mouth as bites of cake complimented the savory spread before me. Crumbs littered the trays as I fell back into my bed. Feebly my hands soothed my packed stomach. Every few seconds brought a belch that reverberated through my body and brought relief to my stuffed stomach. Minutes passed as the sense of being completely full washed over me.

In my stupor, I failed to notice my chamber door open. A clearing throat jolted me to a sitting position. Seeing Lord Harris before me, I tried to stand, but instead of an apologetic greeting, a belch that shook the room escaped my mouth. As if my the will of the trickster gods the button holding my trousers together blasted off. Hitting the door frame just to the right of the lords head. “Well, I see you enjoyed the food I had sent to you.” Lord Harris’s face offered a sly smile betraying is knowledge of my weakness for the fine dishes we shared every day. Horrified by my hog like behavior I was stuck lay in bed, my pants forced open, stomach bloated and distended, and cheeks flushed with shame and a concerning level of arousal.

Lord Harris sat down next to me and with our word lifted my shirt to reveal the doughy packed orb that my abdomen had become. His hands traced delicate lines that made my body shake and I struggled not to moan. “You have been working so diligently as of late, I wanted to show my appreciation.” Lord Harris's words felt heavy and warm as his breath filled my ears and warmed my neck. “My lord, I…”, one hand snapped to my mouth, his from grip closing my mouth. “No need to be formal anymore, please call me Jacob.” I could feel my body growing warm with arousal, here was the man I have listed after for a year taking pleasure in me eating like a cow and exploring my body. “Of course… Jacob.”

“Now I see you have not finished the cake I had made for you, we can't have that can we?” Jacob stood up and dropped his robe revealing him clad in hair his briefs, a mix of firm muscle and fat giving him the look of a bear. He walked over to the tray holding the cake and brought it back to the bed. “Get comfortable.” he said taking a bite of cake. My hands trembled as I took off my uniform, showing a contrast in our bodies. While years of exercise and eating had left Jacob fat yet strong, I was a soft man. Where he was firm and soft, I was just soft yielding lard.

Wordlessly we took turns feeding eachother bites of cake. Hands groping our bodies as the cake slowly disappeared. I could feel his stomach expand and bloat with the richness of the cake, each bite I feed him punctuated by him playing with my nipples. In turn he fed me massaging the gas out of me, filling the room with belches and moans.

What seemed like an hour passed as we fed each other leaving us bloated, round, and lusting for each other.

Wordlessly we took turns feeding eachother bites of cake. Hands groping our bodies as the cake slowly disappeared. I could feel his stomach expand and bloat with the richness of the cake, each bite I feed him punctuated by him playing with my nipples. In turn he fed me massaging the gas out of me, filling the room with belches and moans.

What seemed like an hour passed as we fed each other leaving us bloated, round, and lusting for each other. As the last crumbs of cake disappeared, Jacob's hands roamed my body, tracing the curves of my stomach and squeezing my soft flesh. I couldn't help but moan in response, my body trembling with desire. He leaned in close, his warm breath whispering against my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "You're so beautiful like this," he whispered, his voice husky with arousal. "So soft and vulnerable."

I felt a surge of embarrassment at his words, but it was quickly overwhelmed by the sensation of his hands on my skin. He was gentle, yet firm, his touch igniting a fire within me. I reached out, hesitant at first, and touched his stomach, feeling the firmness of his muscles beneath the layer of fat. He groaned in response, his eyes closing in ecstasy as I massaged his belly.

As we touched each other, our bodies seemed to melt together, our differences in shape and size becoming irrelevant. We were two men, lost in a world of pleasure and desire, our hunger for each other insatiable. The room around us faded away, leaving only the sound of our heavy breathing and the creaking of the bed beneath us.

Jacob's hands slipped lower, cupping my groin as he pulled me closer. I felt a rush of excitement as our bodies pressed together, our bellies touching as we shared a kiss. As Jacob pulled away a blast of hot breath filled my face as he belched in my face. “Sorry, I may have had some cider before coming to your quarters.”

As we kissed, our hands began to wander, exploring each other's bodies with a newfound sense of intimacy. Jacob's fingers danced across my skin, sending shivers down my spine as he touched my nipples, my stomach, and finally, my groin. I felt a surge of excitement as he wrapped his hand around my cock.

I reciprocated, reaching out to grasp Jacob's cock in my hand. He was thicker than I was, and I marveled at the way it filled me hand. We began to jerk each other off, our hands moving in tandem as we explored the rhythms of each other's bodies.

The room was filled with the sound of our heavy breathing and the soft slapping of our hands against our skin. I felt myself getting harder, my cock throbbing with anticipation as Jacob's hand moved up and down my shaft. He was getting harder too, his eyes closed in ecstasy as I stroked him.

As we jerked each other off, our bodies began to move closer together. Our bellies touched, our chests pressed against each other as we deepened our kiss. The world around us melted away, leaving only the sensation of our hands on each other's skin.

But it wasn't enough. We wanted more. Jacob pulled away from me, his eyes locked on mine as he smiled mischievously. "I want to taste you," he whispered, his voice husky with desire.

I nodded eagerly, feeling a surge of excitement at the prospect of oral sex. Jacob leaned forward, his mouth opening wide as he took me in. His lips wrapped around my cock like a warm glove is surrounding me in wet heat that left me breathless

His tongue danced across my flesh swirling patterns that had me gasping for air. As he sucked I lost all control. Minutes felt like hours as he took me to heights of arousal I could not imagine. Burps flowed out of me as he went down on me. My body tensed as I shot my seed down his throat. I wanted to return the favor.

As I descended down Jacob's body, my mouth watering in anticipation, I couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement and nervousness. I had never done this before, but something about Jacob's gentle nature and kind eyes put me at ease.

I reached his groin, and my eyes widened as I took in the sight of his erect cock. It was thicker than I had expected, and I felt a surge of desire as I wrapped my lips around the head. Jacob gasped in response, his hands reaching out to gently stroke my hair as I began to suck.

I took my time, savoring the taste and texture of his flesh as I moved up and down his shaft. Jacob's moans grew louder, his body tensing with pleasure as I deepened my strokes. His lower belly roll resting gently on my head as I licked and sucked. I could feel the veins throbbing beneath my tongue.

As I sucked, Jacob's hands grew more insistent, guiding my head as he thrust into my mouth. His movements were slow at first, but they grew faster and more urgent as he approached climax. I could feel the tension building in his body, the muscles tensing beneath my touch.

And then, suddenly, he was coming. His cock erupted in a burst of hot semen that filled my mouth and spilled down my chin. Jacob's body arched back, his eyes closed in ecstasy as he let out a low groan of pleasure.

We lay panting and holding each other letting the arousal give way to a warm sense of intimacy.

“I could go for a snack, you?” Jacob kissed my lips as he lead me toward the kitchen. I can't believe this is my job.

[yorutsuki]

「 ✦ New Recruit P.2 ✦ 」

↳ A vigilante—Xiphos, your code name. Your boyfriend doesn't know about that though, well, until he was assigned a mission with him.

[Male Reader]

──────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──────

'So...you come here often?' You flirted through translater, the emotionless failing to give some type of justice for your words.

Though 'twas amusing nonetheless...at least for you.

Aventurine only sucked in a breath, before side eyeing you then giving a strained smirk. "Only known each other for only 30 minutes yet you have the courage to flirt?" He raised a brow amused. "I'm flattered." His smile never faltared.

You smiled under your mask, going back to type on your keyboard.

'what can I say, I have to make some advances before someone can whisk you away before I even get the chance.' You shrugged yet eternally laugh at the dramatic irony of those words.

Adventurine looked back at you with a small airy chuckle. "My, that's quite bold of you." He seemed to pause with thought and hesitance.

You both made a agreement to conceal your relationship from the public—not even your close friends knew. With the stakes of his work, it was a risk. Thus you could understand his hesitance, and appreciated the thought.

"Unfortunately, i'm already whisked away, as you put it." His smile lightening, giving a warning vibe.

You slanted your head to the side, now being the one amused.

You decided to be daring, inputing with; 'Oh? And who's the lucky girl?' You saw the way your boyfriend's eye twitched, his smile and features falters slightly. Though he quickly masked it with a small huff, his features lightening like there wasn't a care—that the topic was that of conversing of dirt.

"Well, I do believe this...discussion has dragged from the main subject, hm? That is a quite private matter—and not suitable for our work, no?" He side eyed you, sitting straight on the bar chair, his legs crossed as he gulped down more of his drink.

You nodded, 'Of course, curiosity killed the cat in the end.'

You decided to push it just a bit more.

'Though, I am curious however to your significant other's name...maybe I possibly know her.'

By now, Aventurine's smile was wiped off.

How he wish he would've just been assigned another partner-hell, he'd wish he would have never had curiosity with this vigilante at this point.

"Curiosity killed the cat you say yet you still intruige on matters that have no business with."

"I think it's about time we separate ways. The drinks may be getting to your head." He started, standing from his seat, before giving you a card. "Please, only text me when theres a work purpose." Aventurine starting walking off, wanting nothing more than to get to his room and be in the comfort of his boyfriends arms.

He glanced back at the vigilante, glaring. "-and nothing more."

You sighed, looking at the card with his work number, a small grin forming on from the amusing night.

Now you had a race against time to get back as if you hadn't just spent the weirdest hour with your boyfriend who had no clue he was even talking to his boyfriend.

Ah, and create a alibi...

...

"Baby you're back!" You grinned, practically jumping into the arms of your lover who smiled relieved to see you and returned the affection.

"Thankfully." He sighed onto your shoulder.

You smirked in amusement. "care to share your night?"

"Only if you share your's afterward. And, once we get out of these clothes." He grimaced, feeling the ick lingering.

You chuckled, nodding.

...

Bonus:

Aventurine explained the night in detail, from meeting Xiphos, to the conversations—the flirting and all, to how he left.

"Jeez Xiphos sounds..." You hummed, trying to find a word. "Annoying?" You shrugged, not finding any other fitting word within your vocab.

Aventurine lightly chuckled. "You can say that. I'm just praying that they'll stop making advances before I end up being their new mission."

Your brow rose with curiosity. "Oh? What does that mean?" You asked.

The gambler only smirked, "nothing, nothing. Only planning options if need come to be." He shrugged.

These will be the most weirdly interesting three days.

.

.

.

A/N: grah, can't wait to fall unconscious and dream of stuff.

[revvethasmythh]

in the end with all the problems you saw with cr 3, did you have fun and enjoy it?

I've sat on this question a little, and have been pondering it since the finale. As someone else said, I needed to excise the demons the finale awoke within me before I could circle about around and answer this with the genuine thoughtfulness it deserves.

The answer is complicated. If I may use a visual aide, this is what the campaign was like for me:

At a certain point, it's hard not to get frustrated with the story feeling like it's yanking my chain, making me think we'll jump into something interesting (WE ARE SO BACK) only to then resolve the thing in a half hour so we can get back to doing something bland that will take up too much of our time, such as spending twenty irl minutes trying to catch Ashton from falling (IT'S SO OVER). The narrative culmination is not one I enjoyed or found particularly coherent, and I often found the gameplay in general to be more boring in this campaign. I was always LOCKED IN when the Nein was airing, you know? And I found my attention wandering much, much more throughout this campaign, but also I was watching with friends so that helps and it was a group activity for us, so it was fine until the things that I found boring dragged on and on and inevitably baked themselves into the endgame.

Does that mean I disliked all of it? No! I genuinely enjoyed Dorym quite a lot, I loved the vibe of Imogen's backstory and family relations even if I feel we didn't get to explore them enough. This is, perhaps, the first time I've ever been more invested in some NPCs than PCs, which is a totally new vibe for me but I DO love those NPCs (Relvin and Rashinna, you will always be famous to me). I loved the moon exploration we did and I wish we could have spent more time in Kreviris just exploring and I loved FCG and Braius's arcs and the Solstice split and THE CITY OF YIOS I WANNA GO BACK, and ultimately i feel like it was the failure to dig into all of that stuff in favor of the Moon Plot that was the ultimate detriment of the campaign.

So, did I have fun and enjoy it? Yes and no. Some things I loved, some thing I thought were stupid and boring, some things were hard to enjoy in a fandom context because some people have been so precious over their blorbos they spent most of C3 harassing anyone who doesn't share their opinions! In a timeline where I didn't get harassed and vagued about for weeks over writing ONE 150 word post about Relvin Temult, I probably would not have ultimately stanned him as hard and as loudly as I did. Which in itself is both good and bad because I like him but the way we got here...we never need to do that again. To anyone. It was absurd.

At the end of the campaign, I think my biggest emotion is that I'm relieved. I didn't want to be relived that it's over, but I am. I had huge ups and down this campaign and did love and have fun with parts of it, less so with others, so I suppose I'm leaving it behind with a strongly mixed opinion and experience, but I am also looking forward to what comes next with hope for it to be better for me personally.

[hiddenwritingsintheworld]

Cruel Summer Ch. 7

Donations | Thoughts & Feelings | Cruel Summer Series | Chapter 6

You grinned at the crowd as you grabbed your guitar and stood at the mic. “Welcome to the acoustic set!” you laughed as they all cheered loudly. “So originally I was going to sing a few songs that you guys already know.” You grinned as they continued to cheer. “But…I have a very special reason for wanting to play this one song…it's new, never before been heard by ANYONE but my manager…so I hope you’ll like it!” you grinned as you began to strum the guitar. 

‘This happens once every few lifetimes

These chemicals hit me like white wine

What if I told you I'm back?

The hospital was a drag

Worst sleep that I ever had

I circled you on a map

I haven't come around in so long

But I'm coming back so strong’ 

You beamed as you stepped by to strum for a few moments before stepping back up to the mic. 

‘So when I touch down

Call the amateurs and

Cut 'em from the team

Ditch the clowns, get the crown

Baby I'm the one to beat

Cause the sign on your heart

Said it's still reserved for me

Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

Hey you, what if I told you we're cool?

That child's play back in school

Is forgiven under my rule

I haven't come around in so long

But I'm making a comeback to where I belong …’ 

You continued the song, singing and glancing toward the VIP tent with a large smile covering your face. You wanted Chris to enjoy this as much as you’d enjoyed being loved by someone so openly. 

‘These blokes warm the benches

We been on a winning streak

He jokes that it's heroin but this time with an "E"

Cause the sign on your heart said it's still reserved for me

Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

Shirts off, and your friends lift you up over their heads

Beer sticking to the floor

Cheers chanted, cause they said

There was no chance, trying to be

The greatest in the league

Where's the trophy?

He just comes running over to me’

As you finished playing the song, the crowd erupted in cheers. You saw people taking photos of the VIP area as well, so you stood and laughed softly while they filmed, took photos of themselves with you in the background, and just overall cheered with excitement. You moved over to the piano, sitting down and smiling out at the crowd as you moved toward the mic. “Now this one? This one you definitely know.” you leaned back and began playing ‘Daylight’ inciting more screams and cheering. 

‘My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in

Everyone looked worse in the light

There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven

I'll tell you the truth, but never goodbye

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you

I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you

I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night

And now I see daylight, I only see daylight’ 

Chris watched proudly as you sang, he couldn’t believe you two were together and happy. Even given how hectic your lives had been lately, you two still made time for each other. He grinned watching you as others watched him, taking photos and videos. Which you both would gush over later. He couldn’t wait to show you off to all your friends either. He was finally happy, finally with someone who cared about him as a person, and not because of who he was. 

‘Luck of the draw only draws the unlucky

And so I became the butt of the joke

I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked

Clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke

Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down

Maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town

Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it's morning now

It's brighter now, now

As you performed, you couldn’t stop smiling; you hoped he would listen to these words and understand how in love you were with him. As the song came to an end, Chris cheered and whistled loudly as you bowed. 

You finished the concert, blowing a kiss to the crowd before going backstage to meet Chris. He stood there, grinning as you leaped into his arms, pressing a tender kiss to his lips. “Incredible,” he whispered as you grinned. “Yeah? You like the new song?” you asked as he chuckled, Y/E/C shining brightly as you looked up at him, “I loved it. I love you,” he said as you stared into his eyes, a grin taking over your features. “I love you too,” you whispered, pressing your lips into his again. 

Once you changed into a pair of sun bleached jeans, a white tank top with a tan crocheted beach top over it. You hopped into the car with Chris and took off on what would turn out to be a life changing weekend. 

When you both arrived, Chris told you he was going down to the beach where the guys were hanging out around a fire, and you decided to look for the girls. You found them all out on the back patio, and walked through the kitchen to access the back patio. There was Scarlet, along with Ali and a few of her friends. “Hey!” you were speaking to Scarlet, who stood up and grinned, however Ali practically shoved her out of the way and bear hugged you. “Oh my god!” she giggled again, clearly tipsy if not drunk already. “I can’t believe you’re here!” She shouted laughing with her friends. You looked from her to Scarlet and smiled. “Yep!” it was a fake smile but you attempted to look happy. “We have to get you a drink before we make our way down to the beach where the guys are!” she said as she drugged you into the house. 

-Chris’s POV-

You greeted the guys as you approached them, seeing Robert, Jeremy, Mark, Sebastian, and Anthony. The rest of the group was either guys that Chris knew from his life or his family members, like his brother. “Hemsworth! About time you showed up!” Evans laughed as the girls squealing on the deck cause all the guys to look up there. “What’s she doing here? Thought she wasn’t invited Evans.” Robert asked, trying to stifle a laugh. “She wasn’t.” Evans replied in a sharp, venom dripping tone as his nostrils flared a bit. “She came with me. Is there something wrong with her being here?” you asked as everyone got a seat around the fire. 

“Come on Hemsworth we’ve all seen the tabloids…we know you guys are at the very least fucking.” Jeremy said laughing as Mark winched glancing up at you. “Whoa…no, we’re just old friends hanging out. What’s wrong with that?” you asked as the group settled down and glanced at Evans. “Dude…you don’t want to get mixed up in that. Y/N….she’s a nice girl? Bro she’s fuckin psycho. We used to hook up when we all filmed together, she’s a clingy bitch and lousy in bed, the worst mistake I ever made. Just trust me, plus…we’ve all seen it…she used to beg me to film it.” Evans said as a few of the guys tried to hide their laughter. 

You raised an eyebrow. “What are you guys talking about? Y/N & I are friends, I’d never dream of dating her. Not in a million years.” you said before the girls giggled from behind you as Ali rushed past, straight into Evans arms. “Look who decided to show up!” she laughed looking at Y/N as she stood by you. 

-Y/N POV- 

You’d never felt so out of place and awkward in your entire life, hearing the man you were in love with say he’d never date you in a million years stung, alot. The guys were staring at you, some were smirking and eyeing your body, others wouldn’t even meet your eyes, while a few winked, licked their lips and made kissy faces at you. “Y/N has agreed to sing a couple of songs for us!” Ali beamed before looking at you as you looked surprised. “And I know just the songs!” you went to protest but no one backed you up. Not even Hemsworth. 

You felt like everyone knew something you didn’t and what made it worse, was overhearing Chris say he’d never date you. You looked surprised to see Ali reappear with a guitar and leaned over to you as you took a seat around the fire. “Can you play…Is It Over Now? And “Slut!”?” she gave you the fakest puppy eyes and in your gut, you knew. She knew. They all fucking knew. 

You swallowed, and strummed the guitar and tuned it before looking up and across the fire. You saw Chris sitting with Evans and a couple other cast members not even looking at you. Scarlet held a sad look on her face as you began to sing.

Tag List: @notebooks-of-nonsense @fdl305 @bval-1 @calimoi @syntheticavenger

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

god is swuarshing me beneath his thumb like i am an aphid or perhaps a clover mite. yeah. its slow and painful and im small. and also meek

[discoreptile]

As of yet unnamed game card art!

[euclydya]

... if you. are a mutual of ours. and you use. simply plural. you can. add us. if you want. just. send an ask. and we'll. give you our username.

[nexus-nebulae]

every time im in front i can just Feel like pretty much Everybody else in-sys just staring at me like prairie dogs ready to be alerted to any sign of anxiety

[tr0ubl3d-tr4n53nd3r]

I've been added to a discord server and I fear they dislike me.

They talked about weed and I essentially bragged that I took a personal stance against it. Nobody has talked since.

I'm truly the life of the party 🤷🏻‍♀️

[bladeofthestars]

.

[scientia-rex]

When I was in ninth grade I wanted to challenge what I saw as a very stupid dress code policy (not being allowed to wear spikes regardless of the size or sharpness of the spikes). My dad said to me, “What is your objective?”

He said it over and over. I contemplated that. I wanted to change an unfair dress code. What did I stand to gain? What did I stand to lose? If what I really wanted was to change the dress code, what would be my most effective potential approach? (He also gave me Discourses on the Fall of Rome by Titus Livius, Machiavelli’s magnum opus. Of course he’d already given me The Prince, Five Rings, and The Art of War.)

I ultimately printed out that phrase, coated it in Mod Podge, and clipped it to my bathroom mirror so I would look at it and think about it every day.

What is your objective?

Forget about how you feel. Ask yourself, what do you want to see happen? And then ask, how can you make it happen? Who needs to agree with you? Who has the power to implement this change? What are the points where you have leverage over them? If you use that leverage now, will you impair your ability to use it in the future? Getting what you want is about effectiveness. It is not about being an alpha or a sigma or whatever other bullshit the men’s right whiners are on about now. You won’t find any MRA talking points in Musashi, because they are not relevant.

I had no clear leverage on the dress code issue. My parents were not on the PTA; neither were any of my friend’s parents who liked me. The teachers did not care about this. Ultimately I just wore what I wanted, my patent leather collar from Hot Topic with large but flattened spikes, and I had guessed correctly—the teachers also did not care enough to discipline me.

I often see people on tumblr, mostly the very young, flail around in discourse. They don’t have an objective. They don’t know what they want to achieve, and they have never thought about strategizing and interpersonal effectiveness. No one can get everything they want by being an asshole. You must be able to work with other people, and that includes smiling when you hate them.

Read Machiavelli. Start with The Prince, but then move on to Discourses. Read Musashi’s Five Rings. Read The Art of War. They’re classics for a reason. They can’t cover all situations, but they can do more for how you think about strategizing than anything you’re getting in middle school and high school curricula.

Don’t vote third party unless you can tell me not only what your objective is but also why this action stands a meaningful chance of accomplishing it. Otherwise, back up and approach your strategy from a new angle. I don’t care how angry you are with Biden right now. He knows about it, and he is both trying to do something and not doing enough. I care about what will happen to millions of people if we have another Trump presidency. Look up Ross Perot, and learn from our past. Find your objective. If it is to stop the genocide in Palestine now, call your elected representatives now. They don’t care about emails; they care about phone calls, because they live in the past. I know this because I shadowed a lobbyist, because knowing how power works is critical to using it.

How do you think I have gotten two clinics to start including gender care in their planning?

Start small. Chip away. Keep working. Find your leverage; figure out how and when to effectively use it. Choose your battles, so that you can concentrate on the battle at hand instead of wasting your resources in many directions. Learn from the accumulated wisdom of people who spent their lives learning by doing, by making mistakes, by watching the mistakes of their enemies.

Don’t be a dickhead. Be smarter than I was at 14. Ask yourself: what is your objective?

[inkskinned]

what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.

[hurtspideyparker]

If Civil War didn't end in divorce and everyone lived together Part 2

Read Part 1 and Part 3

Tony: Why is Underoos mopping the ceiling?

Sam: Told him since he's sticky that's his chore

Bucky: It's only fair he helps out around the house

Tony: Hm. Makes sense

-

Vision cooked dinner:

Peter: *pushing around food to make it look eaten*

Natasha: *surreptitiously spitting into napkin*

Steve: *taking small bites with tons of water*

Bucky: *just stares at full plate*

Tony: Well this is disgusting, I'm ordering pizza

-

Sam: C'mon man stop moping around, you gotta get yourself a girl

Bucky: Ok.

Sam: Ok? Okayyyyy! I know-

Bucky: Give me your phone

Sam: Oh you got a number in mind already hotshot? *hands phone over*

Bucky: *ring* Hi Sarah ;)

Sam: BOY-

-

Peter: Ned thought you would seperate your colours from your lights but he also thought you'd be homophobic so I don't pay him much mind cuz clearly I'm more of a superhero expert than him but he does have a 2% better average than me in history so like maybe you do hand wash your clothes and that's why I asked what underwear you wear because-

Steve: *listening intently with apprehension and alarm*

Natasha: I can't believe you found the one person on Earth who talks more nonsense than you

Tony: I know right, it's incredibly unnerving. I'm planning on adopting him

-

Peter: Mr. Stark I have to tell you something. I think Vision is a... *whispers* pervert

Tony: Um, why?

Peter: He keeps floating through my room without knocking! He saw me changing, he saw my nipples !

Tony: Well if anyone's a predator here it would be you. I mean showing your nipples to a 2 year old? Deplorable.

Peter:

Peter: Oh god, I'm the pervert...

-

Bucky: Y'know animosity isn't good between teammates. I think we should spend more time together

Sam: Am I being punked right now? Where's the camera

Bucky: I'm serious. I think it would be healthy for us to bond

Sam: Okay fine I'll bite... what did you have in mind

Bucky: Wanna go for a run?

Sam: *slams door in Bucky's face*

-

*staring at Bucky's sparkly clean metal arm*

Bucky: Dishwasher?

Peter: Dishwasher :)

(later that day)

Bucky: I've decided to let the child live

Peter: YoU wHaT?!

-

Thwip

Tony: Who took my coffee cup, It was right here

Thwip

Bruce: Um, has someone seen my book? I just had it

Thwip

Steve: I could've sworn I was holding a pen a moment ago

*giggling from the ceiling*

Tony: Young man I will take those webshooters away if you use them for shenanigans and rascality

Peter, muffled: Mr. Hawkeye told me to!

Clint: Oh so you're just gonna rat me out like that?

Peter: Sor- OOF

*falls out of ceiling vent*

-

Sam: You're in my spot

Bucky: There are no spots, it's a common area

Sam: Well that's my spot

Bucky: Did you buy the chair??

Sam: No, but everyone knows that's where I sit. Right Steve?

Steve: Oops I forgot something in my car, be right back *leaves*

Sam: Still my spot

Bucky: Still not

Sam: *sits on him*

Bucky: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL THE COUCHES ARE FREE-

Sam: IT'S MY SPOT YOU CAN'T TAKE A MAN'S FAVOURITE CHAIR-

BUCKY: YOU HAVE ISSUES GET OFF ME-

(one hour later)

Steve: Hey so turns out I don't have a car! Isn't that funn...

Sam & Bucky: *Squeezed awkwardly on the chair together*

Steve: I think I left something in my car

-

Steve: Leave the bedroom door open when you have Vision in there

Wanda: UGH you're so protective

Tony: Teenagers, am I right? Caught Pete reassembling my particle accelerator at midnight because he needed to neutralize a miniature nuclear bomb he nabbed off some guy he neglected to tell me was trying to kill him

Steve:

Steve: Wanda y'know what do whatever you want

Wanda: Really?

Steve: Yes just keep being normal. At least I can read about our issues in a parenting book

-

Thor: Ah, new warriors I see! Good to make all your acquaintance. But why are you so grumpy my friend?

Bucky: *glaring*

Peter: He's always like that. It's um, P- P- PMS? Wait -

Natasha: Yes it's PMS

Wanda: He's got it bad

Steve: *genuinely concerned* Bucky you didn't tell me something was wrong. What can I do to help?

Bucky:

Bucky: I like chocolate

-

Wanda: Welcome to the first annual girls night! This place reeks of men, so I thought we needed some women time

Pepper: Why is Vision here?

Wanda: I get sad when he's gone

Natasha: Why is Pietro here?

Pietro: Slay queens

Wanda: Moral support I think

Maria: Why is Peter here?

Wanda: He looked really upset when I said he wasn't included and I felt bad

Wanda: Anyways... yay girls! Who wants me to paint their nails?

Peter: ME ME ME

-

Steve: Pancakes or waffles?

Natasha: Pancakes

Steve: Good because I don't have a waffle maker

Natasha: Then why would you ask-

Steve: It's important for your voice to be heard, as team leader I value your opinion

*2 minutes later*

Steve: Good morning Clint, pancakes or waffles?

Clint: Waffles

Steve: Oh no.

-

Some of these were based on requests (ex. more Sam & Bucky, dad Steve w/ Wanda) so if you have certain dynamics you enjoy let me know !

[foldingfittedsheets]

I’d like to entertain and enliven you now with the saga of my Slut Era.

I’ve always been a serial monogamist and my shortest long term relationships clocked in at three years. So perhaps that’s why when I finally broke it off with my ex I went insane on dating. Part of it was definitely just that between anxiety and loneliness I wanted to fill up my time.

This happened when I was living alone for the first time, no roommates, just me and my little cat Leeloo. I didn’t want to come home to an empty house so instead I set up dates.

Most of these were disastrous. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and I had a lot more first dates than second because they’d seen enough, including the one where people aggressively complimented me.

But after a few months I had four people I was seeing simultaneously. I was up front with all of them that things were not exclusive, and they all agreed, so no infidelity took place here, just a lot of hijinks.

Here’s who was on the dating roster:

• An apprentice woodworker that we’ll call Jill. I honestly thought at 26 years old that her being 21 wasn’t a problem age gap and I quickly learned that there was a vast gulf of both maturity and life experience between us. Jill described herself as “heteroflexible” and had just dumped her first boyfriend to flirt it up with me.

• A married woman looking for a friends with benefits. We’ll call her Alice. I insisted on meeting her husband first to be sure I wasn’t part of a cheating mess and he gave me his blessing when I stayed over at her house. Years later when he and Alice had divorced I would go on to sell him and his new fiancée an engagement ring and we both realized at the end how we knew each other and it was wildly awkward. Alice was nice, but a hardcore vegan who insisted I brush my teeth if I so much as ate string cheese before I could kiss her. She was also unhappy in her marriage and was feeling out if I’d want to get serious.

• A bartender dubbed Snakebites, so called because of her signature piercings. She cooked me a steak so raw it was still mooing and some of the best asparagus I’d ever had. In our singular sexy encounter she bit my nipple and I never got over it. Really don't bite someone if you don't know their preference and work up in pressure. We weren’t terribly compatible but neither of us were willing to admit it yet. Truthfully I considered still dating her solely because I desperately wanted her bathroom. It had all black tile, black toilet, black sink, a rain shower in the corner and a jacuzzi tub. I may not have loved her but god I loved that bathroom.

And finally,

• My beloved, who I would go on to marry, who was dealing with a lot of personal stuff at the time. Obviously that meant I liked them the best of all the people I was seeing because we were both disasters at the time.

So that’s the cast of this little misadventure. Now, our story begins with Jill.

Jill was someone who heightened my anxiety. Each of the three times she came to my home she brought and left more stuff. A self help book, a ramen kit, the entire Teen Titans collection of DVDs. It was like she was trying to move in. She also liked to deride my taste in things, frequently calling me a pleb when I mentioned a band or show I liked.

She was working on a gorgeous little decorative table in her woodworking program. The main wood for the top had a beautiful dapple of knots like jaguar spots, and when she showed me a picture I exclaimed how pretty it was.

“Do you want it?”

“Oh- I mean it’s lovely, I wouldn’t mind having it, but you should sell it and make some money!”

But she was adamant. She’d give me the little side table. At about this time, Alice was starting to get awfully lovey for a FWB. I knew she wasn’t happy with her husband but I also knew we were not a good fit. Fun fact: Alice and her husband were step siblings with a pretty hefty age gap. They got together when he stumbled upon a kink photo shoot she’d done with vegetables. None of their family was happy about the relationship but they weren’t related by blood so it was fine.

So I was fending off more overt romantic advances from Alice, and feeling increasingly like I needed to break things off with Jill. Snakebites wasn’t ever initiating communication and I decided to pull a lot of plugs at once.

I ghosted Snakebites, told Alice that I thought we should cool it, and in a move worthy of a rom-com I asked my beloved if I could pretend we were exclusive to put off Jill. They agreed and I texted Jill to let her know that I was no longer single.

I was not prepared for Jill’s response. She. Was. Devastated. She flew off the handle. She’d just been waiting for the right time to tell me how she felt about me! How dare I do this to her!

What about the table?!

“You should keep the table, it’s gorgeous, you’ll be able to sell it, but I don’t expect a free table.”

Silence met me after that text. I worried and fretted and eventually headed home.

There on my doorstep. The table.

It was a small little end table, reeking of oil and polish, but very beautiful. I brought it inside. The little drawer didn’t even have a knob or guide rails. But it did have a handwritten bill proclaiming that it was costing me $500.

“I can’t afford a $500 table, Jill!” I texted.

“Well you kept saying how nice it was. I spent a lot of time on it.”

“I’m not saying it’s not worth $500” (it wasn’t, it was a tiny side table made by an apprentice) “but I can’t buy a $500 table.”

“Make me an offer.”

I stared at the little table. I did actually like it, but I worried about the repercussions of entering into this deal. Hesitantly I typed back, “$300.” I didn’t think it was worth that much but I didn’t want to insult her too badly.

This suited her for the night. But the next day she informed me she needed a new bed, and that she’d take her $300 in credit toward a new mattress. I spent the whole next day basically wrangling with her over what she wanted and eventually she spiked back up to demanding $500 for the damn table.

“Let me just give it back,” I begged. It was not the first, second, or even third time I’d asked to return the thing but this time she finally relented and gave me her address. Since she lived with her parents still I’d never been over.

I called up my beloved and said, “Hey, I need moral support, can you run an errand with me?”

They agreed which is how we loaded up a self help book, a ramen kit, the entire Teen Titans DVD collection, and the table from hell into my little car together. Jill had said to meet her at one o'clock. I intended to drop everything off at noon and be done with this madness.

But while my beloved and I were on the doorstep leaving everything I heard, “Jill? You’re home early,” through the door. Her mom opened it to peer at us in confusion.

“I was just bringing Jill’s stuff back!” I chirped in alarm.

With little tact and a lot of speed we left her with Jill’s collection of things and then I sped out of there like my tail was on fire. I handed my phone to my beloved as I zoomed away instructing them to block Jill’s number. I was free. The tabletross around my neck had been returned.

It was about a month after that when my beloved and I officially began dating exclusively. I had wrapped up all my messy dating threads and it was a relief to be in a relationship again. They went on a trip to Mexico shortly after we made it official.

So I knew they were out of town. But next morning I walked out to my car and beheld a lipstick kiss pressed to the drivers side window.

I was petrified. I had just dumped three girls at once and had an extremely messy back and forth with one of them. Did I have a stalker?!

Of the girls, Alice seemed like likeliest candidate, being of a stronger lipstick variety girl than Jill or Snakebites. We had ended things a bit stiffly, but still cordial. She just laughed when I asked if she knew anything about it. “Nope,” she said, “but good luck.”

I’d rather have walked over broken glass then text Jill, and I’d firmly ghosted Snakebites so I was scared to reopen communication to ask if she was stalking me. I had to drop it. But it haunted me, that lipstick kiss.

For months I was jumpy, wondering which of my spurned lovers had done it. And why. Was it a threat? A goodbye? I lay awake thinking about it, worrying about how everyone I’d dated knew where I lived, which car was mine.

Finally, nothing else happened and I moved on. The kiss would remain a mystery and I had to be content with that.

It was a year later when I finally started filling my mom in on my dating escapades that I finally got closure. She was hooting and laughing as I went over the table debacle. Then I paused and added, “And then this kiss showed up on my car.”

“Did you like it?”

“What? No! I’m pretty sure one of them was stalking me! Who else would leave a kiss on my car?”

My mom started bellowing with laughter. “I did!” She wheezed.

Apparently. My mother had been driving by my place. And decided that a cute little gesture would be to leave me a kiss. And then decided to never mention it to me even though she’s never done anything like that previously.

“It scared the crap out of me!” I yelled while she collapsed with helpless laughter. “I thought I had a stalker! How could I possibly have known that was you?!”

“How could I have known you’d just broken up with three girls at once?” She wheezed in rejoinder and like. Fair play.

So that’s how my mom convinced me I had a stalker and I got out of buying a $500 table.