#we were supposed to check out some rentals last weekend but we both got fucking nerfed by the storm

[lemememeringue]

in less than 48 hours I get to stab myself in the leg. hopefully this will result in something positive

[teddy06writes]

I feel there isnt enough sapnap x karl x quackity x reader, so can I request sap x karl x quackity x y/n where everone js tired at the end of the day, and despite having separate rooms, they all collapse together in one person’s bed

sapnap x karl x quackity x reader (HOLY SHIT THE POLY SHIP REQUESTSSSSSSS)

Trigger warnings: swearing

premise: vidcon pannels and meeting fans can be tiering, and maybe by the time the day is done you and all of your crushes collapse into bed together without realizing until the next morning  ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

“Blep” talking

‘blep’ thinking

(y/n/n)- your nickname

(y/s/n)- your screen name

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Ah vidcon, a content creators dream, or worse nightmare, or in your opinion, wild trip that lasted three days.

~~

It was your first time seeing anyone from the Dream SMP in a while, and your were practically buzzing with excitement by the time you were getting off the plane in California.

You fiddled with your carry on as you made your way towards baggage claim, grinning upon hearing a yell of “Oh my god is that (Y/n) from the internet!?”

You turned to see Alex standing just outside the gate he’d landed at, quickly you ran to hug him, stomach filling with butterflies at his touch. “Wait it’s Alex from the internet!”

You both laughed as you pulled away, starting back to baggage claim, “Are you excited for vidcon?” He asked.

“Yeah, what I’m not excited for is having to share a house with you idiot for a weekend.”

He scoffed, “What do you mean? It’s gonna be fun!”

“Oh yeah, the entire SMP together in one house, is such a good idea. It’s gonna be chaos!”

“That’s the fun part!”

“I like to sleep at night without being interrupted by random screaming and stuff.”  You argued.

“I’m sure there won’t be random screaming.”

“You seriously underestimate Tommy.” By now you had made it to baggage claim and began to look around for the right carousel.

You split up, planning on meeting back by the door to wait outside for Bad, who had arrived the day before and was picking people up, a few at a time.

After waiting at one carousel for a few minutes your suitcase came rolling out, but as you went to grab it someone else grabbed it from behind you, a familiar voice drawling, “Hey, hey.”

Grinning you turned to see Nick smiling back at you, “Hey yourself.”

He hugged you, and again your stomach filled with butterflies.

Pull away you smiled, “Come on, I think I left Alex just over there.”

Grabbing your suitcase in one hand, and his hand in the other you tugged him off toward where you’d left Alex, calling, “Alex look who I found!” as soon as he was in view.

Nick dropped your hand to grab Alex’s to pull him into a hug, and you found yourself fighting a grin at how red Alex's face turned.

“Bad texted me that he’s almost here!” You announced after checking your phone.

“Who else is he picking up?” Nick asked.

“Uhhh,” You pulled the messages back up, “Karl and Fundy, and then Wilbur is supposed to be getting another rental car and driving the rest of the Europeans when they get here, minus George cause apparently he also flew out early.”

You all headed out towards the pick up area, weaving through the crowds of people you felt Nick grab the back of your shirt, and when you looked back at him in question he muttered, “So I don’t lose you Idiot.”

All you could do was hope your face was clear of any blush as you smiled back.

You all ended up stood near the curb when a voice cut through the chatter, “Hey gu-uys!”

“Karl!” The three of you exclaimed as he ran through the crowd towards you.

Upon reaching you he some how managed to get his arms around all of you enough for a group hug, and you laughed, “Shouldn’t you be at the other gate?”

“Yeah, but I thought I saw you guys so I came over here, and I was right!”

Alex cocked an eyebrow, “What if it wasn’t us?”

“uhhh, I dunno, awkwardly ran at random people?”

You all laughed, and Nick scoffed, “You’re ridiculous.”

After a few more minutes of waiting, a car slowed near the curb, Fundy’s head practically falling from passenger window, “I’m looking for some youtubers, dumb American ones, you seen any?”

Bad smacked him, “they aren’t dumb, hey guys!”

You waved at them as the guys started loading their suitcases into the back of the car, and after Karl insisted he take yours as well, you slid into the back seat, “What’s the house situation like?”

“It looks like just about everyone will get there own room,” Bad reported, “But Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo and Purpled are sharing the room with the bunk beds, because Clay designated it as the kids room.”

You snickered as Alex climbed into the back next to you, leaving Nick and Karl to take the spots in the middle row of the van.

“And obviously cause Kristen’s coming she and Phil are sharing, and then Eret said he, Puffy, and Niki would take the room with the double beds,” Fundy offered, “Which means the rest of us should get single rooms.”  

Alex elbowed you, “Told you wouldn’t get stuck with random screaming.” 

“Oh there's still time for that.”

~~

After getting to the airbnb and racing Fundy for one of the bigger rooms that was left (it was decided Phil and Kristen would get the master bedroom, and Clay had already claimed the biggest guest bedroom), you dropped your suitcase in one corner and brought your toiletries bag in the shared bathroom between your and Nick’s rooms, before flopping back onto your bed. 

No more than three minutes passed before Karl wandered into your room, flopping down next to you, “Ranboo and Sam are making nachos, and Dream and Nick found a foosball table in the garage, so a mini tournament is being organized if you want in.” 

“Foosball?” You questioned. 

“Yeah, it’s gonna be fun.” 

You allowed him to tug you up, and followed him down from the left hall of bedrooms, through the living room and to the connected garage where George was yelling over everyone to try and form teams. 

“Me and (Y/n) are a team!” Nick announced, grabbing your hand to pull you towards him. 

“Okay, that leaves Big Q and Karl as the last team for now! When other people show up they can join.” George announced. 

The rest of the day passed in a blur of foosball games, nacho’s nearly being spilled everywhere and the rest of the people arriving. 

~~

The next day was the first day of vidcon, and after getting dressed in some casual clothes you grabbed your laptop and headed out to the living room, mostly empty in the quiet house, with the exception of Tubbo, who was flipping through tv channels, and Phil, who was tinkering around in the kitchen. 

“So what’s your plan for the day?” Tubbo asked, finally having settled on a baking show. 

“Uhh, stress about the panel until it’s time for the panel, hang out, maybe find a pizza place, you?” 

“Me and Tommy are just gonna wander the convention center most of today cause I don’t have anything until the meet and greet tomorrow, then when he has to go I think me, Ranboo and Fundy might be going to mess with dream george and sapnap during the dream team panel. What’s you first panel about?” 

You glanced back down at your laptop, “It’s listed as ‘small creators with a big part’” 

From the kitchen you heard Phil chuckle.

“Oh cool.” Tubbo smiled, turning back to his show. 

You looked back down at your laptop, reading over the possible sample questions and discussion topics, you wanted to be mentally prepared for this.

At some point, as the rest of the house began to stir Alex shuffled out from the hallway and plopped down in between you and Tubbo on the couch, throwing his legs up in your lap.

“Good morning.”

He groaned, “Why is it so early?”

“It isn’t,” you laughed, flicking at his forehead, “Your just jet lagged.”

“Is there coffee here?”

As if on cue Nick, who had come over from the kitchen, offered him a mug, “Phil made a big ass pot of it.”

“Oh thank fuck!” He took the cup greatfully.

Nick smiled, handing you the other mug before going back for his own as Karl flounced into the room and plopped down on the other couch, “Good morning!” 

“Morning Karl!” You smiled. 

“oooo, are we watching cake wars?” He asked excitedly. 

Tubbo nodded and launched into an explanation of what had happened so far in the episode. 

Eventually everyone woke up and was gathered around in the living room and kitchen, drinking coffee and tea as they planned for the day. 

“Well if most of us have different things planned why don’t we just plan to meet back up here before dinner?” Niki suggested. 

A half asleep Wilbur nodded, “Sounds like a good idea.”

Techno snickered at his grogginess, elbowing him lightly, “I guess the first panel really will be sleepy boys inc.” 

If Wilbur had been fully awake he probably would’ve elbowed him back, but instead just muttered, “Shut up.” 

“Okay! So we meet back here for six yeah?” Bad asked. 

Everyone nodded, and disappeared back to their various places around the house to get ready. 

Back in your room you put your laptop away and got the last of your things ready for the panel, even though it wasn’t starting for a few hours.

“(Y/n)! Your panel’s at 12 right?” Nick half yelled through the open bathroom doors. 

“Yeah?”

“Okay cool, do you wanna come with me, Alex and Karl? Apparently Jimmy and all them just got in.” 

“Sure.”

You had talked to the famed, ‘Mr. Beast’, a few times, and had even been in one or two of his gaming videos, so before you knew it Alex was stealing the keys to one of the rental cars and you were off. 

“Yeah we just left the airbnb.” Karl, said into his phone. There was a pause before he said, “Oof, I’m glad I came out early then.” Another pause and then he laughed, “Nimrods. We can stop for food if you want?” 

A few minutes later he ended the call, leaning up between the front seats, “The gang requires food, we’re taking a pit stop to taco bell.” 

“Taco bell? At 9 in the morning?” Alex questioned. 

“Yeah apparently the nimrods forgot to get food before they left the airport, and now their stuck in traffic. We’re gonna meet them at the hotel.” 

You chuckled, “Sounds like a Jimmy move. Let me guess, they forgot because none of them slept and they took a red eye?” 

“What the fuck is a red eye?” 

You looked back at Nick, incredulous, “You don’t know what a red eye is? Oh my god you privileged fool!” 

Alex snorted, “It’s a really early flight Nick. Like, a you get to the airport for 11pm, and end up eating breakfast when you get to the other airport, flight.”

“Or, a get to the airport for anytime between 11pm and 4am and regret your life choices while waiting for your plane.” You offered. 

“In other words, hell.” Alex finished, pulling into a drive thru. 

“Yikes, why would anyone do that?” Nick asked. 

“It’s cheap.” Karl said. 

“Planes are less crowded, so are the airports.” Alex added. 

You smiled, “I do it for the feeling of a lineal space. There's no vibes like airports from 11pm to 4am.”

They all laughed, and Karl quickly unrolled his window to order an ungodly amount of food. 

~~

Unsurprisingly,  after that the day passed in a blur, the panel going pretty well, and then the impromptu meet and greet outside the meeting hall, trying to make it through the convention center with Clay and Nick without being mobbed, and then suddenly everyone was back at the airbnb getting ready for dinner. 

“(y/n) you bitch why are you taking so long in there!” Tommy yelled through the bathroom door. 

“I’m trying to fix my hair from when you threw water at me prick! There's five other bathrooms in this house go find another one!” You yelled back. 

Distantly you could hear Bad yell, “Language!” 

“Everyone is in the other bathrooms!” 

Giving up on your hair you set the brush back down and recapped the container of paste, turning and opening the door to your room, “Alright, fine.” 

“That wasn’t that hard was it?” Tommy asked, moving past you into the bathroom. 

“Don’t touch my stuff.” You instructed, striding out of the room and down the hall. 

Out in the living room Eret was humming as they cleaned up the last of the later Tommy had gotten everywhere as the rest of the group started to assemble. 

Once everyone was finally ready, and the final arguments of who would take which car, you were shoved into the back of one of the vans with Karl and Alex, making all of the anxiety that had dissipated after the panel came flooding back, especially when Nick, who was sitting on the bench seat in front of you, turned to join the conversation. 

The night was spent trying to keep blush off your face whenever Karl’s knuckles brushed yours, when Nick’s arm found it’s way around the back of your chair, or when your and Alex’s knees bumped. 

‘God’, you had thought, ‘this is like some romcom shit.’ 

After Tommy’s fail attempt to steal a set of car keys and try and drive home  -Phil smacked him upside the head, Niki snatched the keys from his hand, Kristen started to lecture him, all while the rest of you laughed your asses off- The bill was paid, and everyone piled back up into the cars, already starting to plan a movie night. 

Upon getting back to the airbnb, you headed back to your room to change back into the hoodie and comfortable pants you had been wearing earlier, heading back into the living room in time to steal Punz’s seat on the couch with Nick and Karl. 

When Alex squeezed into the spot between you and Nick, you could’ve sworn you saw Techno smirking and Puffy waggling her eyebrows toward you, how they found out about your stupid group crush you had no clue, but then Clay and Skeppy started to argue over what movie to put on. 

Tubbo ended up taking the remote from Clay, and from where he was sitting In front of one of the couches, tossed it over to Phil on the other side of the room, who said, “We’ll do a vote then!” 

A movie was selected democratically, some cheesy action movie began to play, and at some point you half turned, propping your legs up across the boys laps as Alex maintained a running commentary on the movie, just loud enough for you and Nick to hear, and Karl absently traced small shapes into your ankles. 

~~

The second day of vidcon was the most hectic, with you, Nick and Alex were going to watch the Mr. Beast panel Karl got to be a part of, plus both the dream smp panel and the meet and greet later in the day. 

You had woken up to Karl and Alex jumping on top of you, “Wake up! You’re gonna be late!” 

You groaned, struggling to shove them off, “What time is it?” 

“8:27.” Alex said, sliding off your bed. 

“Fuck,” You muttered, “Get off me, what the hell happened to my alarm?” 

“You left your phone in the other room, when it went off it woke us up.” Karl explained. 

“He means it woke him up and he felt the need to wake me up,” Alex complained as you sat up now free of the people laying on you, “Why the hell is your alarm set so early?” 

“It’s not early, I just wanted to be able to get ready without being in anyone’s way.” 

Karl nodded, “Makes sense.”

“C’mon, let’s give them time to get ready.” Alex grabbed Karl’s arm, half dragging him out of the room.

You quickly got ready, pulling on a nicer button down, plus a jacket that was one of the first from your new merch line.

You finished your hair, plugged in your phone and headed out to the kitchen where Fundy seemed to be attempting to make pancakes, dragging Karl into the process as well.

You sat down next to Alex and Ranboo, “How long do you think until they burn the house down?”

“I am not going to burn the house!” Fundy exclaimed.

You reached over and turned down the heat on the griddle, “Well you were gonna burn something.”

Ranboo snickered, “They aren’t wrong.”

“Shut up Ranboob!” Fundy retorted.

They continued to bicker as Tubbo emerged from up stairs, shoving Fundy out of the way to take over the griddle. “You’re all ridiculous.” He muttered.

“Yeah no shit.” You sighed.

“Language!” Bad yelled from the dining room.

“French!” Eret called back as she entered the kitchen, “Morning guys!”

“Morning!” Tuboo chirped, starting to flip some of the pancakes. 

“It’s panel day!” Tommy yelled, charging down the stairs, “Those best be chocolate chip Tubbo!” 

Karl held up the bag of chocolate chips he been scattering into some of the pancakes, and Tommy grinned, “Karl my man!” 

~~

Once breakfast was eaten and the dishes cleared everyone loaded back up into the cars to head to the convention center, everyone splitting up again, planning to meet back in the right area in time for the full panel. 

Karl headed off to meat with Jimmy and the guys as You Alex and Nick took spots in the audience. 

Once they took to the stage Nick leaned over and elbowed Alex, “Bet you 10 bucks when they open for questions you don’t go up just to flirt with Karl.” 

Alex glared at him, “10 bucks isn’t worth it.” 

You held back a laugh, “I’d throw in another 20.” 

Alex considered this with a sigh, “Deal, but only if we get milkshakes later.” 

You and Nick agreed, and soon enough when they opened up for audience questions Alex started to stand up, but immediately sat back down blushing slightly, “No.” 

“Damn.” Nick sighed. “We’re still getting milkshakes.” 

Once the Mr. Beast panel had ended you all went to meet up with Karl and head off to the dream smp panel. 

2 o'clock rolled around and the panel moderator began to announce everyone, one by one, and you managed to force down your anxiety, taking your place on the stage between Karl and Nick when the mod called, “(y/s/n), one of the first people to actually join the dream smp.” 

You sat down, smiling at the audience and quickly sneaking out your phone to take a quick video of your friends and then a pan of the crowd to put on twitter later.

Once everyone was on stage the moderator looked up and down the long table, “Wow, there are a lot of people on stage right now, is this everyone from the server?” 

Clay nodded, “Just about, we have a few others, Alyssa, Callahan, Ponk and Antfrost, who had other stuff going on, but for the most part, this is everyone from the server.” 

“This is honestly incredible, how, how are you guys all feeling about being here? I know this is the first Dream SMP panel, but you guys have been to vidcon before right?” 

“Most of us,” George laughed, “I think the only one who hasn’t is (y/s/n), there first ever panel was yesterday.” 

The mod looked over at you, “So, how does it feel to be at your first vidcon?” 

You laughed nervously, “Well, I mean, I’ve been to vid con before, but I was always out there in the audience, it’s- it’s pretty nerve wracking to be up here.” 

The topic shifted and after that things seemed to move more quickly. 

In the blink of an eye the first hour and a half was spent and people from the audience began to ask questions. 

“Wilbur, as the main writer for roleplaying on the server is it hard to keep track of character specifics and story arcs or is it all just written in with the scripts?”

Someone asked.Wilbur hummed, “Well I guess in part it’s written in the scripts, but I think I should turn this question over to (y/s/n), they’ll have a more interesting answer.”

Everyone turned to you. 

“Well, in my mind it isn’t all that hard, but I am literally the kid who memorized long monologues for fun.” You chuckled, “Once the first revolution arc started and the server really started to turn to roleplaying I started a google doc that now gets updated constantly. I have running tabs on current arcs, details on arcs that have ended and then there's detailed character descriptions. 

“I don’t necessarily write down bits to add while I’m streaming or anything, but most of the time it has to be the middle of the night or I won’t file anything correctly.”

Nick chuckled, “I have seen the document, it is terrifying.” 

“Didn’t someone open it to see you updating in the middle of the night once?” Ranboo asked. 

Alex nodded, “Yeah that was me, it was very traumatic, like, I blinked, and then there was another fifty words on the page.” 

You dropped your head in your hands, “It was the night after the whole election thing! Techno joined the server and then I had to add a whole ‘nother character profile, and he and his stupid English major were making things complicated!” 

“Listen man, I just wanted to make sure I had a backstory that fit into the story line, ‘s not my fault when Wilbur lets Dream have partial control of thing the storyline ends up non cohesive.” 

People laughed, and the topic was changed with the next question.

~~

Two and a half hours later, an extra hour after the panel was supposed to end, (there was just so many extra questions), you headed off stage, and were all rushed across the center for the meet and greet, which had been pushed back in time with the panel.

You felt bad for making the fans wait, but the organizers assured you that it was fine, most of the fans had been at the panel anyway.

In the big open hall the orginizors spilt everyone up into groups of threes and fours, the way fans could move down the line and see everyone.

Inevitably you ended up with Karl, Nick and Alex, at the end of the long sections of people.

“Holy shit man, how is it already 6?” Alex asked.

“Who knows.” Nick muttered glancing down at his phone.

“Dude this is supposed to go for like three hours too.” You complained, rocking up on your heals to look down the line, seeing the first groups of people starting to move past Tommy, Tubbo and Fundy.

“We’ll be fine! It’s always fun to meet fans!” Karl said, though he did look slightly wary.

After another three hours of talking to fans, signing things, and taking pictures the last group of people finally made it to your section.

“Hey! They saved the coolest for last!” The boy exclaimed.

“Hell yeah they did!” Alex half yelled back, some how still managing to keep up the enthusiasm.

“Here, let’s get you guys all in a picture together!” His mother said, motioning for you to all stand together. You slung an arm around the kids shoulder, smiling at the camera. “

“Okay serious question time, which one of us is the best?”

“Uhh,” the boy looked from person to person, “probably you (y/s/n), your contents really cool but your under rated.”

You grinned, offering him a fist bump, “ha! See that’s the third person in the last hour!”

Karl scoffed, “but I got like six people over all.”

“I only got five.” Alex pouted.

You rolled your eyes as the boy asked, “So if you guys are in a poly relationship on the server does it create problems with your friendship in real life?”

You all froze, except for Nick who somehow seemed to know this was coming, “Well, in game and out of game relationships are different, sure you can ship all you want, but that doesn’t mean stuff actually happens in real life.”

The kid nodded, “Cool, hey I saw your stream like, during quesrentine, just a question, how many people have tried to fight you today?”

You laughed, “at least 15 took pictures with him squared up.”

A few minutes more and the kid was gone, being ushered away by his mom, and you glanced at your phone, “holy shit it’s already 9:15.”

“Where did the time go?” Kale asked incredulous.

~~

After meeting back up with the rest of the group you all headed off to terrorize a McDonald’s, drawing a lot of attention from random fans as you all scarfed down food.

By the time you got back to the Airbnb it was nearly 11pm and everyone was exhausted.

After quickly getting ready for bed you a collapsed.

~~

The next morning you woke up, and for a moment worth your eyes still closed you were perfectly content with the warmth pressed agasint you.

Then you came fully too, realizing that, no, you weren’t fully swaddled in your comforter, you were laying in a bed with other people.

Opening your eyes you blinked away sleep, looking down, confused to see Alex asleep with his head on your chest.

Turning your head you saw that it was Nick on your other side an arm wrapped around you both.

Karl was half sprawled across all of you, similarly to the airport, as if he could hold all of you at once. You sat in shock for several moments before realizing you were in fact, trapped in bed.

Alex’s fingers were tangled with yours, Nicks nose was pressed into your neck, and you could have sworn Karl shifted in his sleep, as if to get closer to you.

‘Well,’ you thought, ‘might as well make the most of it.’ As settled back down to fall back asleep.

~~

Once you had all woke again, no one spoke as they headed back to there own rooms, and your crossed back through the bathroom form Nicks.

~~

The rest of the day past, still no one speaking about it, and that night you found yourself laying in your own bed, wondering why it felt so wrong.

There was muffled whispers from Nicks room, and you quietly got up, moving into the bathroom to hear better.

Unfortunately for you Nicks door to the bathroom was still open, so you couldn’t eavesdrop as planned.

Karl and Alex were both sat on the bed next to each other as Nick paced. “What’s going on?” You asked quietly

“Would- would it be weird if we cuddled again?” Alex asked hesitantly.

“We were debating asking you.” Karl admitted.

Nick nodded, “You don’t have to, it’s just- we-“

Quietly you crossed the room, climbing into the bed instead of answering the question outright.

~~

“Is- I- am I stupid, or is this something?” Alex whispered.

Vidcon had ended and even with the long weekend everyone was staying in California the time had gone all to fast.

You, Alex, Karl and Nick had continued to cuddle every night, still not talking about it during the day.

“Do you think it could be?” Was your only response, continuing to card your fingers through Karl’s hair.

“It seems like it already is.” Nick said.

Karl yawned, “I think I’d like it to be.You nodded,

“me too.”

“Me too.” Nick agreed.

Alex smiled, “I guess it’s decided then.”

The dark room was quiet another moment before you snickered, “It’s cannon irl now guys. What will the fans think?”

[matchasprouts]

Listen Closer - Chapter 18

[ finally updating <3 i've been hanging out with a friend all weekend so i haven't really had the chance to write! very excited to move on to the big game though. hopefully it'll all fit into one chapter without killing me dead since it'll be in Garrett's perspective, but we'll see how much i wanna write about it ]

First || Next || Previous || Last

“He kissed you?” Lawrence asked over dinner that night, after Garrett finished telling him about his day. “Like… on the mouth?”

Garrett let out a sharp laugh that cautious way Lawrence said it, covering his mouth until he’d calmed down. “Yes, Lawrence, on the mouth. It was insane! I’ve never seen him lose his composure like that, I honestly thought we were about to fuck.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you did,” Lawrence replied, referencing Garrett’s propensity for taking just about any chance for public sex that he got.

“I wouldn’t either, but Perez walked in and he acted like she was gonna kill him for it,” Garrett said, rolling his eyes at the memory of the interruption. He would have had a lot of fun that day if it weren’t for her coming in. Though, giving Strahm a little taste of what he craved only for it to be taken suddenly was very satisfying as well.

When they were done, Lawrence helped Garrett clean up. Mark hadn’t come home yet, he had some work to catch up on and decided to stay late. He was probably also preparing for the big game that would be starting soon.

He still wasn’t home by the time the two of them laid down, and Garrett sent him a quick goodnight text before closing his eyes. He heard his phone ping with a response almost immediately, but the lack of sleep last month was still kicking his ass and he passed out before he could reply.

---

“Huh. That’s new,” Garrett commented as he looked down at the corpse in front of him, a man with his head sawn in two. The trap itself seemed to be just the circular saw covered in the blood of the dead man, the chains around his wrists attached to the wall with it.

“My best guess is that he was supposed to get out of the chains before they dragged him to the saw.” He didn’t actually know anything about this trap, as he hadn’t seen it be built or heard anything about it. It honestly looked like something John himself put together, but he knew that was unlikely, unless it had been built when John was in better condition.

He began to glance around the room, looking for a tape or keys. Generally, he wasn’t allowed to touch the tapes, since they were almost always in evidence by the time he was called in. He didn’t find a tape, but he found a key in a small hole in the floor, covered up with a piece of wood that was near indistinguible from the rest of the floor.

“Hey, where’s Strahm?” Garrett asked Perez when she handed him the evidence bag that he dropped the key into, so they could check if it would have actually worked.

Perez gave him one of those looks, making it clear that she knew exactly why he was asking. “In his office, I imagine. He came in but didn’t show up when I called him down to the scene. I can only guess why.”

See, this is why you should knock before coming into Garrett’s office.

“Hm. Good to know,” he replied, grinning at her before getting to work on his sketch. He loved knowing that she could see the tension between him and her partner, because it made it so much more fun.

He handed the sketch off to her when he was done, making a small note about how simple this trap was, and how he thought it was probably Kramer who designed it, making it easier to build since he couldn’t put it together.

He’d know if he was right or not when he asked later.

Soon enough, he was back in his office, humming a soft tune to himself as he worked.

The office was becoming something like a third home to him, seeing as he spent more time in it than his own apartment at this point. Sure he was glad to have a different job and coworkers than when he worked at the bookshop, but he spent a lot of time in here.

It didn’t help that the other parts of Jigsaw suddenly decided to pick up the pace and set an assload of traps, some of which Garrett didn’t even know about until they happened. He was inclined to think that he was the only one working on the big game now, but he knew better than that. After all, John had been very excited (or, as excited as that man could get) to show him the rack last time he was at the meat packing plant. Of course, he’d been ecstatic to see it, the rack was his favourite torture device, and he loved the new twist on it.

Damn. Not even he could escape his shitty puns.

Either way, Garrett got out of the precinct as fast as possible, not because he was tired of being in there, but because Mark had told them that if the both of them went back to the motel today, they could get the trap finished and be done with it, which would lessen the time in between setting it up and the game starting.

As excited Garrett was to see the game unfold, he was also eager for it to be done with. At this point, he was only really tuned in to seeing the rack in action, and seeing if Strahm lived or not.

Though, he’d also get to see just how good of an actor Mark was when he was pressured, and he was very excited for that.

“You ready?” he asked Mark once he had his bag slung over his shoulder, carrying the two final pieces of the machine itself, while Mark had all the extras- the tape, the pictures to be strung up, the pig mask that the player would be given, and the red light bulb they were going to switch out the normal one for. Atmosphere was important, after all.

“Let’s go,” Mark replied simply, apparently deciding that he was going to drive the shitty rental car that Garrett himself could barely fit in. That was going to be amusing, but he said nothing.

He let a snicker escape when Mark realized he was too big for the car, but he stood by his decision and made the very awkward drive to the motel, glaring at Garrett every time he laughed at the sight of him all crumpled up in the driver’s seat.

They took a longer route to the motel this time, just to be safe and ensure that they weren’t being followed. But it didn’t take too long for them to park in front of the gross only building.

Garrett pulled his mask and hood up, glancing at Mark and finding him with a confused expression. “I’m kind of easy to pick out in a crowd,” he pointed out, referencing his bright white hair and face scar. “You should probably cover up too, just to be safe.

Mark paused for a long moment, before sighing and pulling his own hood up. Then they got out of the front and grabbed the bags from the back, heading in as soon as Garrett found the room keys.

Ivan tried to talk to them again when they headed in, trying to get them to explain who they were, only to be shut down with a sharp glare from Mark. Garrett snickered quietly to himself at the look on that freak’s face, before quickly heading upstairs.

They set everything up before putting in the new light bulb, neither of them particularly eager to work in the red light. Mark set up the pictures, tape, and mask while Garrett finished putting together his most annoying, but likely most satisfying, trap.

Garrett was going to be the one watching every camera that they were connected to, acting as the watcher of the game. He originally thought about participating, but John shut that down quickly. There needed to be someone who could take down stragglers and put Strahm in his trap, and Lawrence wouldn’t be able to do that himself.

It was a little disappointing, but at least he’d get to see the Rack and his own trap in action.

They didn’t stay any longer than they had to, heading out as soon as they were done. Ivan didn’t try to talk to them again, but someone else tried to get their attention.

There had been a drug addict that was sitting beside the front door every time Garrett showed up, usually choosing to yell at him whenever he came in. He’d done the same thing today, but took it up a notch and grabbed Garrett.

He almost killed him on the spot, forcing him to freeze as his eyes widened even more than they usually were. The addict seemed to already regret his decision, probably because the lighting made Garrett’s very wide eyes look red, instead of his usual brown.

The jacket was released almost immediately, but that didn’t stop Garrett from cracking his fist down on the man’s jaw, ignoring his cry of pain or the fact that his knuckles now ached.

“Let’s go,” he growled to Mark, grabbing him by the arm and all but dragging him out of the building.

They didn’t talk about it on the ride back, or after it. In fact, they planned to never talk about it again. Luckily, they were distracted when Amanda wheeled John over, placing him right in front of them.

“Is your trap done, Garrett?” John asked him, pulling the oxygen mask down to hang around his neck. When Garrett nodded his confirmation, he continued. “Good. The game can proceed earlier than planned then. Is your final tape finished?” he asked Mark now.

Mark recorded the tapes for Rigg’s part of the game, the part that Mark himself would be participating in. Garrett had gotten to listen to them, and he had to admit that he’d gotten a lot better at the Jigsaw voice.

He nodded, confirming that they were done. “Then we gather the players soon- within a week, at the most. Take a break while you still can. Garrett, you will collect Mr. Denlon and his co-players. Amanda will retrieve Dr. Denlon and Detective Matthews. Mark, you have your files, try not to hurt them too much.”

It’s funny that he thought Mark was going to be the problem- though, to be fair, Mark didn’t exactly see players as people anymore. That’s why Garrett was gathering the players for John’s half of the game, because he didn’t trust Mark to not hurt them.

John waved his hand to dismiss them both, and they took the chance to head home to the apartment before it got too late, not particularly fond of the idea of sleeping in Garrett’s work room.

Besides, Lawrence was at home, and he never liked sleeping alone.

“So, do you think Strahm is going to follow Rigg’s trail like he’s supposed to?” Garrett asked as he drove them home, both of them far more comfortable in his own car, which was actually built for people their size.

“If he wants to find Jigsaw, he’ll have to,” Mark replied, finishing whatever text he was writing on his phone and sending it off. “With how much he thinks it’s me, he’ll think that he’s being led to exactly who he wants.”

“Which is why I’ll be knocking him out. I’m a different build, height, and strength level. The last thing he’ll probably realize before he passes out is that whoever I am, I’m definitely not you,” Garrett added. The plan was thought out to the smallest detail, and that was one of the most important parts. Strahm wouldn’t even have a trap at all if he’d just minded his own business.

Garrett would never admit it, but he definitely wished Strahm had stayed out of it. He wasn’t by any means a good man, or a good agent, but he wasn’t being trapped for rehabilitation; he was being trapped to die.

It made him feel uneasy. Sure, Garrett wasn’t a perfect model of John’s teachings, but he still believed that killing someone for the hell of it was fucked up. He didn’t like it, and he didn’t like that Strahm was given no way to escape.

So, he was going to give him one.

[jj-lynn21]

Santa’s favorite Elf Part 2:  Ch 5:

Warnings: male masturbation, hot tub flirtation, other flirtation. Can Bill handle “being friends” before lovers again very much longer?

Santa’s fav elf Part 1: ch 1, Santa’s fav elf ch 2, Santa’s fav elf ch 3, Santa’s fav elf ch 4

Santa’s fav Elf Part 2 ch 1, ch 2, ch 3  ch 4 ​ ch6

“You can go faster.” You scream with laughter as you sped across the open snow-covered valley on a snowmobile. “Catch up already.”  

Bill sped to your side jumping a mogul on his machine that put him ahead of you. “What did you say?” He yelled back at you. “Something about you will try to catch up if you can.” His competitive side was not going to let you win a race back to the rental place easily if at all.   

You put the pedal to the metal. Your machine right on the tail of his. You were sweating underneath your hat and heavy clothes. But your eyelashes had snow built upon them. Your nose was red with frost. You were ready for some hot tub time. Gunning the throttle, you ran neck and neck with him. You both slid in opposite directions towards the sign that said stop.     

“I guess you don’t have any fear driving these things.” He got off as two workers came over to drive the snowmobiles into their parking shed.   

You got off the machine. Thighs were a bit sore from having them spread over the seat. Your legs a bit like rubber as you wobbled a little. “No fear at all. Can we go to the hot tub now? I can barely walk normally.”  

“I could use some heating up myself.” He walked you to the rental SUV. “I turned on the heat with the keys when we pulled in on the snowmobiles so it should be about heated up. Do you want to stop at the wiener hut? I heard they have a mac and cheese hotdog.”  

“I’ll eat anything with lots of cheese especially mac and cheese.” He helped you into the SUV.   

Bill chuckled. “That is what I thought.” He patted your hand before driving off to grab lunch.  

Later you were immersed in the hot tub. The area closed off to others for the next half hour. You sat with your head back. A smile on your face as the steam rose. Your frozen toes and nose were now thawed. You breathed in the chlorinated steam clearing your sinuses. You let out a long “mmmmmm” as you relaxed. 

Bill was doing much the same. His eyes were closed. That is until he heard your sound of pleasure. One eye popped open. Then the other. He looked over barely able to see you through the heat. The heat he felt deeper than just his skin. “Hey come over here.” he beckoned.  

You glide over on the water. You ducked your head under to flatten your hair back when you get close enough for him to reach out to you. “This warmed me up quite a bit. How about you?” Your eyes connected with his in a slight flutter of flirtation.  

“Yeah.” His eyes gazed into yours then drifted down over your flattering bathing suit that clung to your breasts. He took a deep breath. “Can I hold you?” 

“If you can handle it.” You grinned.  

He smirked as he pulled you forward. Your eyes on his. Your knees rested on the ledge on either side of his lap. You held on to the wall behind him making sure not to touch him at all. You thought if he was going to break his own rule you were not going to make it easy.  

“Is this how close we will be when we fake it for the camera tomorrow?” You teased. 

“Closer.” He licked his lips. “We will kiss as we have done before.” 

You leaned down to press your lips to him gently before pulling back. “Like that?” You tiled your head questioningly.  

“I think our characters miss each other more.”  

One of his large hands rested on your lower back. The other crept up your back, along your neck, pushing his fingers through your hair until he was palming the back of your head. He coaxed you back down for a more passionate kiss opening his mouth and you reciprocated. You could feel it through your whole body letting out a small moan you did not want to make.  

He pulled you back. His eyes sparkled with lust. The rest of his face placid as if it was all part of the job. “Something like that.” He breathed. “They will stop use several times to position us differently. Do you want to go over your lines and more of this scene back in the room?” 

“I do know my lines but maybe you can give me some pointers.” You suggest. “Work on this scene more also if you think we need it.” 

“It is never good to go in blind.” He moved you to get up. “It is best to be as prepared as possible.” 

“I agree.” He helped you step out of the hot tube wrapping you in a blanket like towel.  

You go into the changing room to dry off. The hair drier there is weak but it is better than nothing. You don’t want to go out in the freezing weather without being as dry as possible. You try to convince yourself you will only be studying lines and working on blocking scenes like they are in the script, but the process excites you.  

Bill is feeling some excitement of his own as he dries his hair. His mind might be telling him to get to know you better, but his body is showing signs of dissension. He decides to rub one out before leaving the changing area. They have a nice bathroom with comforting aquamarine tile. He closes his eyes as he takes his throbbing cock out to stroke. Thinking of.. ”oh fuck” the way the water rolled off your nose to the cleavage of your swimsuit. The way you giggled. The way you looked when you got mad. The way you called him out when he needed it as no one had ever done. How would he ever be able to hold back his desires much longer he thought as he bit his bottom lip so he would not come loudly. 

You waited for Bill patiently near the check-in desk. People were waiting for the pool and hot tub to be open for the general public again which  was supposed to be five minutes ago. Bill came out wrapped in his winter wear. The scarf around his face barely showed even his eyes. It was a way to hide from the public. You knew it was him. He nodded for you to come to the SUV with him. You told the desk clerk thank you for letting you and Bill use the hot tub alone. Then went to join him. 

“Which scene do you think we should go over first?” You asked as he started the vehicle.  

“Do you want suggestions on your big monologue?” He watched the snow-covered road without a glance towards you. 

“Sure.” You turned on the radio and hummed the song playing until it got to the chorus you knew well. Then you sang along.  

Bill just started smiling as you sang. When you noticed your cheeks got hot with embarrassment.  

“Keep going.” He prodded as you got quiet. “The chorus isn’t over yet.” 

You laugh. “I don’t know it that well.” 

He pulled into the hotel. Ease's car rental would pick up the SUV Monday and drop it back in the parking lot Friday evening for Bill to use on the weekends. Joe would drive during the week. After he stripped to his briefs, he jumped in the bed cupping his hands behind his head. 

“Show me how you will bring Santa back Miss. Winterblows.”  

You smirk. Your eyes narrowed as you wrapped your arms around an invisible caldron for your wintertime spell. You carried it across the room as though walking through the winter’s snow. You look up and back down into the mouth of the caldron. Then toss the invisible bag of ingredients beside you. 

“As the bright lights in the skies above as my witness, my Santa will return on this night to seek revenge on those who dared to slander his name and kill him before last Christmas morn. Snow is falling. Christmas Eve is near, There's plenty of magic this time of year.” 

You pretend to dust the caldron with snow and add a handful inside. You keep adding ingredients as you speak. 

“I give to thee freshly fallen snow. A splash of brandy to let spirits flow. I made fresh cookies so into the pot they must go to bring Santa forth. A carrot and orange with colors so bright to feed the reindeer pulling his sleigh tonight. I stir it, please come to me Santa, please come.”  

Your eyes look to Bill, big saucers of freight. You bow to him with a smile. “That’s the first part of the scene. What do you think?” 

“You did that good.” He got up. “Maybe try it bigger. I mean more chanting than conversational. It was sexy how you said it in a lower tone. And I’m not sure they will want you to go bigger, but it is best to have a few different ways to present the material in your back pocket. I always go big first before they calm me down.” He chuckled. “You might want to try it just how you did it first. They will love you have it memorized so well.” 

‘I will probably fuck up a billion times tomorrow in front of the camera.” You tense up a little at the thought. “It will be a little different with all the props and when to pick up what as I am saying the lines, and everyone is watching.”  

“Just stay in the scene,” Bill suggested. “Let the character guide you not the people around the set. They don’t even really exist in the world we will create on film.”  

You nod.  

“Now take a breath.” He took a breath with you. “Do it again. I will come in when Santa makes his appearance. The big fearful eyes worked great. I am not as holly jolly as I once was in the first movie. I think your expression will be much like you just gave me.” 

You repeated your monologue giving that big, frightened look towards him as he stood feet away. “...please come to me Santa, please come.” 

He took a few steps as your eyes were pinned to his. “Santa” You whispered. His (cold dead: the script says) hands reach out for you. You look away. He turns your eyes back on him. Your heart races as it should be according to the script. You cringe as Santa’s tongue licks the side of your face. Bill does this even though the tongue will be a little bit of CGI magic.  

You gasp even though you want to giggle. You close your eyes. The character is supposed to remember Santa as he was and kiss him passionately. You kiss Bill which is much easier than the grotesque dead zombie Santa he will become on set. He kisses you back as his hands reach behind your head to grab your hair roughly. He pulls your head back for his lips to graze and suck at your neck as you make a small coo.  

Bill steps back taking a deep breath as he muttered “cut.”  

You open your eyes standing before him. Chest heaving slightly.  

Bill gazes at you as he licks his lips. “In the script, they cut there to Santa and his girl fucking in the snow. We can do some basic blocking since I have done this before or wait until they tell us how they want it tomorrow?” 

“Teach me everything you know, Bill.” You bite your lips nervously. 

“Take off everything but your panties.” He swallows hard. “I will teach you everything you always want to know about filming a sex scene and more.

[uzumaki-rebellion]

“Stark’s New Intern” Chp. 19

"When I first saw you You had a sparkle in your eye Like the stars at night High in the sky

How I wish That you were mine 'Cause to me You're one of a kind

When I look at you It seems so untrue How someone like you Can make me feel the way you do"

Cameo—"Sparkle"

"Erik, you here with us, man?"

Walter's keen dark eyes took in Erik's solemn face as they sat in a popular and busy diner on Pico and La Brea eating pancakes and thick cuts of Canadian bacon. Maria and his Aunt Shavonne shared nail care tips to prevent chipping as his Uncle Bakari cut up his food and ate with a contented face.

Erik pushed circles in the maple syrup on his plate and checked the thin cell phone near his half-empty cup of coffee. Devika still wouldn't return the ten or so texts he sent her.

"My mind is scattered, sorry."

Devika ignoring him, and Tony being cryptic had him on edge. He deleted messages from Giselle and Athena wanting another Ménage a Trois encore and looked Walter in the face.

"You still trippin' about earlier?" Walter asked.

"Nah. I'm over that. It's just…I was foul with that and I hurt my girl."

"Your girl? Which one?" Walter joked.

"Shut up," Erik said giving his friend a grin.

Walter's braided hair was pulled up into a palm tree bun.

"My dude, you've always been messy. Nothing's changed. You've leveled up though."

"Leveled up? I ain't never been with any questionable…"

He almost said hoes, but his Uncle was listening.

Walter leaned in closer and whispered.

"You did them both at the same time?"

Erik gave a subtle nod.

"Man…"

Walter chuckled and ate more bacon on his plate.

Erik glanced at his cell again.

"Expecting a call?" Bakari asked.

"Nah. Just checking for work messages. Sometimes Stark sends mass alerts. Gotta keep on top of stuff there. Even on the weekends."

"You look good. We're proud that you stuck with it," Bakari said.

"It turned out better than I thought," Erik said.

His stomach got tight and Maria glanced over at him. He caught her eyes sliding over to Walter.

"How's school man? We spent all this time talking about my internship, what's poppin' back home?" Erik asked.

"I quit."

Walter popped his last piece of bacon in his mouth.

"Walter!" Shavonne scolded.

"Why?" Erik asked.

"It's not for me. School was always your forte man, and I know my parents wanted me to be like you, but my talents are in fashion…textiles."

"Are you a designer?" Maria asked.

"Yeah, I am," Walter said holding her gaze, "I dropped out of SFSU and enrolled in the Fashion Institute. Going to start my own brand of sportswear. Merge tech and clothing together."

"Dope," Erik said giving Walter a pound.

"Call my parents and tell them that," Walter said.

"When we were in grade school, this fool designed bullet-proof clothing for elementary kids," Erik said pushing back his plate.

"A lot of shootings were going down, and I wanted to stay safe."

"That's, wow…that's kind of sad," Maria said.

"That's how it be in the East Bay sometimes," Walter said.

"Everywhere," Shavonne chimed in.

"I start in the fall and I have already lined up my own internship with Trekfit. They're new, hungry, and I can parlay my talents into maybe getting my own stuff out in three or four years."

Erik and Walter shared a joke in Korean and Maria watched them both.

"You speak Korean?" Maria asked Erik.

"Passable—"

"Barely," Walter said.

"Good luck with the educational changes," Bakari said. He stared at his watch, "Are we all ready to hang out at the pier?"

Bakari drove them all in a rental car, and Erik found himself sitting in the middle of a conversation between Walter and Maria. They had only been together for two hours but they already acted like an old married couple. Divisive opinions on anime, gaming, and sticky rice flew across his lap since he sat in between them in the back seat.

The weather was almost perfect, a little too hot as the temperature raised above eighty degrees, but Erik enjoyed strolling on the pier and talking with his Aunt and Uncle. Maria and Walter had paired off to ride the carousel and Erik kept checking his phone.

"Just call her," Bakari said.

His Uncle snacked on chocolate and vanilla soft serve ice cream as his Aunt Shavonne tried to shoot fake ducks for prizes with water guns.

"I saw how she looked at you when she stood at the door. I damn near had a flashback to your Pappy back in school. You actually had the same look on your face. What's her name?"

"Devika."

"You sure do like 'em grown," Bakari said winking at Erik.

"Everyone is older than me there, so I don't really have control over that."

"Walter is right too, those were some boss looking babes. The legacy continues."

"It is what it is Unc. But I didn't mean for that to happen. I was supposed to go see her last night and I just…messed up."

"Protecting yourself?"

"Always."

"Respecting them?"

"Yeah."

"But this Devika?"

"I got caught up and forgot to communicate with her. I wasn't expecting her to show up like that. I'm actually not supposed to be seeing her."

"Why not?"

"She's um…she's Stark's secretary."

"Erik…boy, I tell ya…"

Bakari ate his ice cream and Erik watched his Uncle's face.

The man was heavier in the face and body, and he was happy with Shavonne because it shone all over his face when he looked at her. His uncle treated his wife the way Erik's father treated his mother. Like they were one of a kind. And that was true. He learned how to treat women from his Dad and Bakari. His uncle raised him for six years a couple of years after Erik's parents died. Bakari gave Erik a foundation to rebuild his life when he floundered in the streets and foster care. His uncle begged his Grandpop to give him guardianship so Erik could leave Oakland and be somewhere that wouldn't remind him of the pain he suffered. It worked.

His aunt and uncle made sure Erik stayed connected to Walter and even his friend Shawn whom he met in juvenile hall. Flew them both out every summer and made sure they traveled to Martha's Vineyard for vacations and also allowed him to go to Brazil yearly to visit his cousin Marisol. They gave him life again, and he was eternally grateful. They also made sure to remind him of the special bond his parents had, and if Erik had the same romantic tendencies of his father, Bakari constantly reflected on honest communication.

Devika was beginning to feel special to him, and he couldn't understand how he could be so careless with her. All he had to do was call her and say he was spending some time with the other women and…

He had no real excuse or reason for his behavior. He did want to see her. Craved her even, especially with Tony Stark telling him what he couldn't have. But pitchers of Margaritas and pretty faces hemmed him up. The sex was everything, but now he regretted it.

"I like her Unc. She's been good to me the entire time I was here. She's fine. Smart. I don't know why I fucked up. Sorry for cussing."

"Young people make mistakes."

Erik put his phone away. He wanted to focus on his family.

The rest of his weekend was pleasant and he spent much-needed quality time with Bakari and Shavonne.

Walter spent quality time with Maria.

It was all good.

###

Erik picked out his best new blue suit to wear to Stark's office. Whatever was going down would happen with him looking his best.

He had a fresh line up and brand-new cologne. Eyes tracked him in the lobby of the Stark building and even Valentina did a double-take when she saw him walk past her on his way to the private elevator.

His confidence faded once he reached Stark's floor and he saw Devika through the glass office walls.

Damn that woman beautiful.

She wore thick wash and go curls all over her head, and her make-up was smoky and smooth like her skin. Erik took a deep breath and walked into the room.

"I'm here for Stark's eight—"

"Go in, he's expecting you."

She cut him off without looking at him. He stepped closer to her desk.

"Devika—"

"He's waiting for you."

"I don't have a good excuse. I'm sorry."

Her eyes finally took his in.

"Don't worry about it. We're good."

"It doesn't feel good. You wouldn't even talk to me this weekend."

"You were with family, remember?"

He chewed on his lip trying to keep himself from saying something smart ass to dig at her. He was shocked at how much he wanted her forgiveness. Anyone else he would be tossing to the side like, "Oh well", and then be on to his next conquest, but Devika snuck up on him emotionally. While he had been busy chasing after Giselle and falling in easily with Athena, Devika was just…there. Always there.

All the little things she did for him, the corny jokes they shared each time he was called up to see Stark…reminders to eat or drink water. The donuts to keep his blood sugar up when he worked late…she was a constant source of calm for him during the entire internship. He would be crushed if she iced him for the rest of his time there.

"Just tell me this, is Boss Man about to kick me out?"

"What are you talking about?"

"He called me after you left my apartment and told me my time in the internship was over."

Devika's nose crinkled up and her eyes were full of confusion.

"I haven't heard any talk about putting you out."

That made Erik breathe easier. Devika was the pulse of Stark. Right after Pepper, Devika knew the man better than he knew himself.

"Devika, have you heard from Stevens yet?"

Stark's voice came through on the desk intercom.

"He's walking in now."

She pushed him toward the door.

Entering, Erik was surprised to see Janine and two other upper-level suits sitting in the room.

"Take a seat," Stark said pointing to the only available chair in front of his desk.

Erik unbuttoned his suit jacket and sat down with his legs wide apart. Stark fussed with a small touchpad and then finally stared Erik.

"How do you think you've done here, Stevens?" he asked.

Erik's eyes flitted to the other three people next to him and their eyes didn't shy away from his. No one looked down or fidgeted with their hands. Good sign thus far.

"Excellent." Erik shot back at him.

"Excellent? You sure?"

"Yeah. My last eval was stellar. Janine can tell you that. She wrote it up."

A smirk went across Janine's face.

"Do you want to add any addendums to that, Janine?"

Stark folded his hands in his lap and leaned back in his chair.

"No, Sir. The eval speaks for itself."

"Good. Stevens, I'm pulling you from the internship and placing you in the Stark Fellowship starting today. The Fellowship runs for a year and at the end of that year you will be offered a position with Stark Enterprises—"

"Wait, I start M.I.T. next month."

"M.I.T. is willing to defer your entry for next year. You are still a full-ride scholar."

"I would take what he is offering, Erik," Janine said. For once her eyes looked gentle.

Erik sat back in his chair.

Stark's eyes regarded him with amusement.

"Every intern in this entire building would give me their first-born child for the offer I just gave you. And yet you sit here like a lump."

"I appreciate the offer. I just want some time to think about it."

"Think about it?"

One of the suits glared at him.

"Unbelievable," the haughty suit grumbled.

"There's a paid salary, so you'd have to get your own place. No more Oakwood. You'd work directly with me and there will be a lot of travel, covered by the company of course. You have been a stellar young man. The last person to have this opportunity now runs one of my satellite offices in Hong Kong. It's a great opportunity and I want you to have it."

"How much is the salary?"

Tony pushed a blue and silver folder across his desk. Erik picked it up.

"That much, huh? With benefits…health/dental. Paid gym membership…"

Erik's eyes read the offer to the very bottom.

Why not?

Take advantage of being at the side of one of the most powerful and influential men on the planet. Get paid for it, and get access to tech that could help him figure out the vibranium he had stashed in his apartment.

"I'll do it."

"Wise decision young man."

Stark stood up and held out his hand. Erik gripped it firmly.

"Welcome aboard, Stevens. I'll have H.R. get paperwork set up and we'll get you transferred over tomorrow. You'll report to me in the Cypress meeting room tomorrow at ten a.m. I need you to pack up clothing for a week because you are coming with me to Monaco after the Intern party on my yacht."

"Thanks, Mr. Stark."

"Janine, say your goodbyes now, I'm stealing him from you," Stark said.

Janine stood up and gave Erik her hand.

"Keep up the exceptional work," she said.

"If you'll excuse us, Stevens, I need to meet with these folks. We'll talk tomorrow. Clear out your things from Janine's and go see Happy in security to get new clearance."

"Okay."

Erik took the folder with him and walked out of the office.

Devika worked on her laptop and her eyes flickered over to his when he stepped back into the outer office.

"I was offered a new position for a year," Erik said.

A smile. A slight one, but he caught it on her face.

"Congratulations," she said keeping her voice cool.

"I have to go gather my stuff from Janine's floor."

He turned away from her.

"Erik."

"Yeah?"

Devika reached into the large bottom drawer of her desk and pulled out a bag of donuts for him. He took them from her.

"You worked your ass off all summer. You deserve this opportunity, Erik."

"Thanks."

They stared at one another. Her eyes took in his suit and there was a twinkle in those dark irises. All he could think of was that glorious weekend he spent with her after he got his ass kicked in her home.

He held the donuts up toward her.

"Thanks for this. You're always looking out for me."

"Better get going…get that desk cleared out," she said.

There was awkward staring once more.

What he would give to be brave and kiss her right there at her desk.

"He's taking me to Monaco with him…what was that look for?" he said.

Devika shook her head.

"What?" Erik pushed.

"Monaco is…well, Monaco is a place where Tony tends to get a little wild."

"Is it that bad?"

"No, but it's a playground for the ultra-rich, and the ultra-rich are very different from the basic rich. Put it this way. Millionaires are the double-wides of that set. Multi-millionaires are the working class. The lower working class."

"It's like that, huh?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Maybe you should give me lessons on how to maneuver that world."

"You don't give up, do you?"

He smiled at her and she rolled her eyes.

He walked away from her desk and took a big bite of a hot glazed twist once he was in the elevator headed down to his work-station.

His cell vibrated in his jacket pocket. Taking it out he checked for Stark Alerts. There was only one personal text.

"You are forgiven."

He didn't bother to text her back.

Rushing back up to Stark's outer office and Devika's desk, he grabbed her hand.

"Erik! What are you doing?"

Devika's startled face made him smile.

"Taking you to breakfast, and then we're going back to your place. I have some making up to do."

Chapter 20 HERE.

###

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[raysofcrosby]

LITTLE DO YOU KNOW PT. 7

"𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦–– 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘦'𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵." – 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧, 𝐀𝐦𝐲 & 𝐑𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐜 𝐃𝐞𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐫

gif credit (x)

series masterlist

requested: yes | no

warnings: slight *unprotected* smut, implied sexual situations, otherwise its just fluffy convo.

word count: 10,282 [it’s a fucking novel ladies and gents, better buckle up]

authors note: FIRST AND FOREMOST, i’m going to apologize for the horribly written smut. i never write smut bc 1) i suck at it and 2) it makes me feel awkward lmao [sidenote: safe sex is great sex!!!].  also, if a boy did for me what tyler did for baby benn in this– then homeboy could like...get it. ALSO this ending wasn’t supposed to be the original ending, but i feel like it adds a little more oomph when it comes to small things involving the storyline– so i hope it doesn’t flop. i hope you guys’ enjoy! i love reading your comments, seeing your tags in the reblogs and just seeing that you guys’ enjoy this story as much as i enjoy writing it! without further ado, here’s part 7!

Your weekend with Tyler was exactly what you needed as a break away from school and of course, the biggest blessing Dallas was about to receive– the rest of the Benn's. Jordie was in town with the Canucks and your parents, Jenn, your brother-in-law, and your niece were all flying down to not only have a small visit with you before you traveled home for Christmas but to also see the two boys play against each other. Sure, they were able to see Jamie and Jordie play against each other only a few days ago when the Stars stopped in Vancouver, but there was one thing that the game didn't have– you. And you were never one to toot your own horn when it came to your siblings, but you were the favorite– second to Jenny at times. She was the firstborn and she had blessed your parents with a grandchild way before the rest of you. But you were the baby, and that was always a prize.

The rest of your family all got into Dallas around the same time, but since you had class and Jamie and Jordie had workouts, you guys didn't plan to get together until lunch, which unfortunately for Jamie, cut into his pre-game nap– but at least he'd get a free meal out of it, thanks to your parents. Until then though, you were suffering in your classes, too busy thinking about this past weekend and telling Kennedy everything you'd learned from Brandon about this Maisy girl. Kennedy didn't know who she was, and being the best friend ever, kept you out of your own worst thoughts by assuring you that if the relationship was as serious as Brandon said it was– Tyler wouldn't have played it off as nothing.

And that kept the bad thoughts out of your head for most of the day, until it came time to pick Jamie up at his place. The conversation in the car between your parents, you and Kennedy also kept you distracted– it was easy to talk about how school was going and how her family was doing, but when they mentioned your internship, it was hard not to immediately think about Tyler. Thankfully, by the time that came around, you guys were pulling up to Jamie's. Before your dad could even put the rental into park, you offered to run up and grab Jamie, that way they didn't have to get out of the car. You ran up the front steps and rang the doorbell an obnoxious amount of times and when the door opened, you were pleased to see Jenn standing there with a smile on her face.

"You know, there's a child sleeping in here," she joked, wrapping you in in a hug.

"Sleep is for the weak, Jenn. Kennedy is in the car with mom and dad, just send her to the back of the SUV so you guys can make room for the car seat."

"That's okay, Y/N. I managed to snag a sick rental," Andrew, your brother-in-law smiled, walking past with the car seat in his hands and giving you a one-armed hug.

"And by sick, he means a red 4runner," Jenn rolled her eyes as Andrew carried the car seat to their rental in the driveway. "He really just left without letting you see her, didn't he?"

"I'll see my favorite niece at lunch, that's fine," you laughed, watching as she put her purse on her shoulder. "Is he inside?"

"Jamie? Oh yeah, he's almost ready. We'll go ahead and follow you guys to the restaurant."

You nodded and walked inside as she walked out to their rental, closing the door behind her. "JAMIE EVERYONE'S READY BUT YOU!" You yelled out, unsure just where he was in his house.

"Jesus Christ, Y/N. You don't need to blow a guy's eardrum out like that," he groaned, walking from around the corner. "I just need to finish my hair and then grab water and I'm ready to head out."

"J...why are you even bothering to do your hair when you'll mess it up during your nap?"

He stopped in his tracks as if the thought never even crossed his mind. "Well, fine. But let me grab a hat at least so I don't have to brush it."

You sighed and leaned against the stairway, looking around his house aimlessly. When your eyes landed on an old picture of him and Tyler with Dude Perfect, a thought entered your mind. "Hey J? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, why not?"

You bit the inside of your cheek, wondering whether or not you should ask. Would it make Jamie suspicious to...whatever the hell you and Tyler had? Would he tease you for even wanting to know? "Do you know who Maisy is?"

"Huh?"

"Maisy! Do you–" You started to yell, only to see him come back down the hallway with a hat in his hands. "Do you know who Maisy is?"

He didn't even bother to stop this time, only walking away and into his kitchen. "Like, Tyler's Maisy?"

Your stomach dropped then and there straight into the bottom of your shoes. 'Tyler's Maisy.' You weren't sure if it was the nonchalant way that he said it or the fact that he just confirmed that Brandon wasn't lying that made you feel so uneasy– but either way...you were.

"Yeah, where they like...a thing?"

He came out of the kitchen holding onto two water bottles and tossing you one. A genuine look of concern on his face sent your heartbeat into overdrive as you tried to keep your expression as neutral as possible. "I mean, yeah. I don't know if they were ever really official, but she was his man hookup all last season."

He walked away again, this time coming back and shoving his wallet into his short pockets. "She also kind of played a roll in why he had to pick his new house so fast. Granted he already had two settled, but I guess she accidentally leaked his address on Instagram or snapchat or something after order postmates." He opened the front door, grabbing his house keys off of the hanger. "Also, there was this huge spamming thing from random accounts on twitter, some sports forum and other crap saying he needed to go public with her. They'd even comment on Candace and Cassidy's stuff."

As you followed him out of the door, it all started to make sense as to why Tyler didn't want you to ever post that you were at his house– it wasn't fully out of fear that Jamie would know you were there...but because he was scared that maybe you'd leak his address. And while that revelation made you feel a little more at ease, you couldn't help but acknowledge the hint of sadness when you connected Brandon's comments about Tyler not letting Maisy post stuff, to what Jamie just confirmed.

"I think he broke it off in the summer though, why?"

You shook yourself out of your thoughts and walked ahead of him. "Oh nothing, I just heard some frat guys talking about her when I dropped Cole's stuff off."

"Yeah, well I wasn't the only one who warned Seggy about getting involved with a college girl. I mean, I got lucky with Katie, but there's also a three year age difference between us." You were shocked at Jamie's reply as he walked ahead of you this time. "Tyler's going for girls now where the age difference is like six to seven years– I mean, maybe mentally he's right for them, but it's just...I don't know it never works out and we keep trying to tell him that, but you know how he is."

You just smiled and nodded as he opened the car door for you and you saw Kennedy climb into the next row of seats. You followed suit, saving a seat for when you went to pick up Jordie and ultimately ending your conversation there. The conversation picked up between everyone in the car as you made your way to your lunch destination, but you were lost in your little world, resting on the things both Brandon and Jamie have said...plus the fact that Tyler would be joining you guys for the post-game dinner in just a few hours.

How bad could it all go?

❒❒❒❒

Dinner was going to be a fun time and it would only be because you were going to be witness to Jamie rubbing it into Jordie's face that they beat them twice in less than a week. Little brother beating big brother– the theme to their entire childhood, was enough to entertain your dinner for 11. They spent a good five minutes arguing about who would cover the check, Jamie or Jordie and for a hot second, they both agreed that you would cover it– but a quick reminder that you were a college senior with no job and an unpaid internship, shut them down real quick. Otherwise, dinner was fun and heartwarming.

Your parents had invited Big Rig and Tyler along– Big Rig once they learned that he and Kennedy were an item, and Tyler because he was like another son to them, and Jamie's best friend. Luckily for you, the way everyone ended up being seated around the table, you had Kennedy and Big Rig to your right, and Tyler to your left, before it moved on to Jenn at the end of the table with your niece. The conversations were flowing all across the table and seemingly never-ending, everyone around the table, at least once, having the conversation focused on them. With Big Rig, it was his sister and if he liked being back in Dallas versus being in Pittsburgh. 

With Kennedy, it was how her family's work is going and whether she was ready to deal with the Canadian cold come Christmas. Jamie and Jordie were tied together, the same with Tyler when they weren't asking about how his family was doing. With you, it was school and how your internship with the team was going–  and God the conversation seemed never-ending. But you weren't sure if it was because you hated being the topic of everyone at dinner or if it was Tyler's hand resting on your thigh.

The entire night, beneath the table Tyler had been touching you. At first, it was knocking his knee against your own now and then before full on pressing his leg against yours. Then it escalated to him touching your leg and eventually keeping a hold on your leg throughout dinner. Acts that seemingly everyone around the table was oblivious to. And during dinner, the two of you kept up your chirping at one another like it was another day in the locker room, though there were few moments that slipped through, where it was like you were the only two in the room. A time, that once or twice, Kennedy had to nudge you with her knee to warn you that your flirtationship with Tyler was starting to make its presence known in front of your family. You would then nudge Tyler with your leg, signaling for him that the two of you needed to cool it down a little, but then you'd place a hand on his thigh, letting him know that a little touch was still okay. While keeping it on the low was a high priority, you couldn't help but feel reassured about Tyler's feelings towards you with those small touches– for they cast away any doubts you'd been thinking only hours before.

Everything was fine until you got up to go to the bathroom just before Jordie handed off his card to pay the bill, at least you thought it was. Because the moment you walked out of the bathroom, Jordie was leaning against the awning for the bathroom hallway, waiting for you. "Creeper isn't a good look, Jordie." You joked, brushing by him as you continued to shake your hands dry of the water that the air dryer didn't get.

"Is there something going on with you and Seggy?"

The question stopped you in your tracks, both because you had feared that maybe he had picked up on something during dinner and because he had asked so blatantly that you were scared someone else would hear. "What?" You asked, turning around.

He moved off of the wall, still crossing his arms and walked up to you. He looked around before looking back at you again. "Is there something going on with you and Seggy?"

"What?" This time, the question didn't come from you, but from Jamie who had just walked towards the bathroom awning. "No way, that's ridiculous!"

You looked between the two Benn brothers, Jamie looking at Jordie as if he was insulted that Jordie even suggested it, and Jordie giving you his 'I'm your big brother, I'm not as oblivious as this idiot so I already know the answer' look. "What are you three talking about?"

We looked to see our Mom coming around the corner with everyone else slowly trickling behind. "Jordie seems to think that Y/N and Tyler have something going on, which is stupid and he's probably just still bitter that he lost."

Your mom just looks between the three of you with raised eyebrows before nodding her head. As if he had perfect timing, Tyler came strolling around the corner and plopped two hands on Jamie's shoulders. "I'm going pee and then I'm headed home, the dogs need to be fed and let out."

You sent up a silent prayer to the Universe at the fact Tyler hadn't offered to drive you back to your dorm, especially after Jordie had seemingly connected the dots. "I'm going to catch wait by Big Rig's car, he's taking Kennedy home...so I'm catching a ride." You smiled, before removing yourself from the situation and walking out into the crisp, night air. 

It felt too stuffy in that restaurant all of a sudden and for the first time all night, you were grateful that your parents were staying with Jamie at his place instead of a hotel. That way, they had no choice but to take him straight home before they called it a night. They weren't obligated to drive you back to your dorm and both the Stars and your family were heading out of Dallas the next day.

"Hi, Sweetie." You turned around to see your mom making her way over to Big Rig's vehicle, pulling her cardigan across her chest. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," you huffed, nodding towards the restaurant. "It was just a little hot in there."

She nodded, seemingly accepting your pathetic excuse. She barely let the silence settle between you before she spoke again. "You know I love you and that no matter what it is, you don't have to keep secrets from me...right?"

You tried not to let your face give it away, that you knew where she was going with her conversation. "Y-Yeah, I do..."

She took a deep breath before turning to look back at the restaurant, making sure the coast was clear. "Is Jordie right? About you and Tyler? Is there...something going on between you?"

When Jordie had asked, you were fearful– scared that he would judge you on being with Tyler, your brother's best friend, hell...a close family friend in general. That if he knew, all of a sudden he'd see you as just another one of Tyler's playthings and not Y/N...his younger sister. But when your mom asked, it was like the pressure of hiding it, mixed with a huge swell of emotions just washed completely over you, drowning you if it could, and you started to cry. 

"Y-Yes..." You let out a small gasp as you went to speak immediately after your confession, "but please don't be mad at me mom– please don't–"

She took you into her arms and hugged you tightly, a hand resting at the back of your head and shooshing you to calm you down. You closed your eyes, taking in her embrace as you felt your shoulders feel a little lighter at the confession. When you pulled away, she held onto both of your hands before smiling at you. "So you and Tyler, you're...dating?"

"Yes...No..." You sighed, wiping your cheeks and shaking your head.  "I don't know."

Your mom laughed, which was a reaction that you didn't expect from her. "I'll never understand this generation and your definition of relationships. Just tell me one thing...do you like him?"

You looked down at the ground, thinking about the last few days that you'd spent with Tyler and smiling at the way he made you feel and the funny moments in between. "I do...a lot. We have fun together, you know? It's just...it's easy."

"And I assume that Jamie doesn't know?"

You looked away from her again, nodding your head in shame. "We haven't told him yet...I'm just, scared of what he'll think."

"He's your brother, Y/N. I'm sure he'll think no less of you because of who you're dating." She sighed, squeezing your hand and gaining your attention. "And Tyler, well he is quite the step up from Cole."

"Yeah," you laughed, smiling at her. "He really is." As your eyes skimmed her face, your heart and brain prepared you for the 'but' that you knew was coming.

"Tyler's just..." Your mom shook her head, sighing again. "He's a little too old for you, don't you think?" She must have seen the look on your face when those words left her mouth because she held onto your arms and looked worried.

"I'm only saying that because well, the two of you are in very different stages of your lives. He's almost 28 and he's been in the adult world long enough to find out who he is and what he wants for his life. And you...you're barely 22, about to graduate college and experience the real adult world for the first time. You still need to find out who you are and what you want."

You understood what she meant and took her fear into account because if you were being honest...she had a point. Besides the summertime, you were in school for 9 months out of the year, living to a strict class schedule and figuring out your day to day routine without the fear of bills lingering over your head. You've had your little taste of the adult world, but come May you were about to get smacked in the face with reality...whereas Tyler's already figured out his life.

"Just...be careful, okay? You can have your time and relationship with Tyler, but don't lose yourself in this."

"Thanks, Mom, I love you." You whispered, hugging her close and wishing with everything that she didn't have to go back home tomorrow.

"I love you too sweetie." She pulled away and cupped your face, kissing your forehead. "Now promise me that you won't hide this from your brother forever, okay? It'd be a lot worse for him to find out from someone else rather than hear it straight from the both of you."

You only nodded in reply as the rest of your dinner group walked up, saying their goodbyes before separating to their cars. You lingered your goodbyes with Jenn and Jordie, telling them that you'd see them come Christmas time before hopping in the back of Big Rig's car and burying yourself out of sight. The entire ride back to the dorm, you were playing countless scenarios of how you'd tell Jamie about you and Tyler, hoping that there'd be the magic one that would solve every worry you had.

Only they all ended horribly wrong.

To make matters a little more stressful, when you got to your room, Kennedy had asked if she and Big Rig could have some private time alone. You agreed because at least one of you was going to get laid after that stressful dinner. So you did what you always did, packed an overnight bag and sent Tyler a text, wondering if he'd mind some company.

Of course, be there soon! 😁 All of your boys miss you (me included if you weren't aware)

Oh also, pack a bathing suit 😏

You quickly shoved your hottest bikini into your overnight bag and wished the two lovers goodnight, not failing to remind them to stay safe because you were too young to become an aunt again. They laughed you out of your dorm room and you raced down the stairs and out towards the parking lot where you knew Tyler would be waiting.

When his headlights shined on you, you felt a little burst of happiness rush through your veins as you climbed up into his jeep and immediately greeted him with a kiss before he could even say a word. "Wow, not that I'm complaining but...what was that for?" He laughed, waiting for you to put your seatbelt on before driving away.

"For saving me from having to wait hours before I could sleep in my sinful dorm room."

He threw his head back and laughed. "Wow, sinful dorm room? Is it that bad?"

"Tyler...we barely got two steps into the room before she straight up said 'I need to get laid, can I have the room?'" You joined in with his contagious laughter. "They're lucky I love them so much."

"Well, I for one am grateful for their horny actions," he reached and grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours and bringing your hands up to his mouth, kissing the back of yours. "Because now I get to spend the night with you and show you my surprise."

"Does it have anything to do with me needing to pack a bathing suit?"

He wiggled his eyebrows and kissed your hand again. "It has everything to do with a bathing suit. Speaking of," he let your hands rest on the center console. "Did you pack the...what did Kennedy call it? The raunchy red bikini?"

"Shut up, that was so embarrassing!" You leaned over and smacked his shoulder with your free hand as you felt your cheeks warm up. "And for your information...yes, yes I did. But if you keep teasing me, you won't get to see it."

Tyler coughed, this time trying his best to hide the fact that he was getting a little bashful. "There are two ways I could take that statement...and I'm not sure which one you meant."

God the two of you were practically downing in the awkward, sexual tension that surrounded you. You knew which two ways he was speaking of, too– either you don't do whatever activity involved your bathing suit, or you go full-on nude during whatever activity. And in all honesty, the thought of being naked with Tyler has been lingering in the back of your mind since the weekend when Kennedy asked if the two of you had had sex yet. 

Plus, let's be honest...you've seen his ESPN body issue shoot...and seeing him naked wasn't the worst thing in the world.

When you guys got to his house, you greeted the dogs before he could manage to usher them all away from you. He handed you your bag and kissed your cheek before nodding at you to go upstairs. "Go ahead and drop your stuff off and get dressed, then meet me outside."

The chill he sent down your spine lasted well into your trip up the stairs and into his bedroom. You could only wonder what he had planned but made sure to keep your imagination tamed as you stripped off in his bedroom and put on your bathing suit. Which, until Kennedy said so, you didn't perceive as all that raunchy. It was your favorite, simply because its fabric hugged you in all the right places– making you feel like you could take on the world...if you were going to take on the world half-naked. When you left his room and walked back down the stairs and outside, the cool night air greeted you and the light wind blew some of your hair into your face. When you looked out for Tyler, you heard mumblings of music and saw lights stationed around the jacuzzi.

Holy shit, he put fucking candles around his jacuzzi and had music playing nearby? Cheesy? Everyone else would think so. But the fact that you had just broken up with a boyfriend who never really did anything like this for you...it was cute and romantic. It got better when you walked closer to the jacuzzi to see that the little candles were electronic and you couldn't help but laugh.

"I know, I know, it looks stupid, but the wind and fire hazard," Tyler said, keeping his back to you, across the way in the jacuzzi as he adjusted the volume on the Bluetooth speaker– before turning your way and smiling. "But its the thought that counts, right?"

"Tyler, what is this?" You laughed, sliding off your shoes at the edge before stepping in.

He walked across and reached out his hand, holding onto yours and making sure you didn't fall in. "You've been studying like crazy lately, plus dealing with us needy assholes almost every day...so I decided that you need to relax."

You had to admit, the moment that your body was engulfed by the hot water and jets– you were relaxed. It felt like if Tyler wasn't holding on to your hand, you'd probably slipped under and let the water swallow you up. You never realized just how tired your body was. You sat across from him, extending your legs out and letting them float as you closed your eyes and felt the jets against your back. "Is this what you do after every game? Come here and forget your troubles?"

"Usually," he laughed, moving his arms in the water. "Though sometimes I'll take an icebath upstairs or when you're here, I just kind of chill out. It all depends on how much energy I have left."

You sighed, letting the feeling of the water take over your mind as you laid there listening to what seemed like a top 50 hits playlist. "I wish I had one of these in my dorm room. God, I think I'd go from the library to my bathroom and never leave. Studying is stupid, don't ever do it. It's hard to believe finals are only–"

"Ah, ah, ah!" He said, interrupting you and reaching out for your leg, tugging you out of your relaxed state. "No school talk. This is why we got into the jacuzzi, now come here."

You sat up and walked over to where he was. He grabbed onto your shoulders, turned you around and placed you in front of him in the space between his legs. "Loosen up and relax, Y/N. I'm not going to drown you."

You took a deep breath and sighed, closing your eyes and anticipating what he was going to do. When you felt his calloused hands on your shoulders, you stayed relaxed. Only when he started to add pressure with his thumbs did you realize what he was doing. "Okay wow, did you go to massage school or something?"

He laughed, moving towards the center of your neck. "No, but I've had enough done that I remember a few things."

You felt his breath along the back of your neck as he continued to apply pressure with his hands and dig into your shoulders with his thumbs. It felt good, really good and you had to bit down on your lip to prevent a moan from coming out of your mouth. It was one thing that Tyler was giving you a candlelit massage in his jacuzzi, but it was another thing for you to moan out just how good he was doing. Your mind wandered down the road of no return as his hands kept doing the Lord's work. You couldn't help but wonder how his hands would feel if they were touching and massaging other parts of you and how bad you wished that they would just linger a little bit lower than their current  location.

"See, now isn't this better than talking about school?"

You were too lost in your daydream until you heard the moan you'd been holding back, escape from the back of your throat. You felt embarrassed because the moment you let it happen, Tyler had paused his hand movements for only a second, before picking them back up. You sat there, biting the inside of your cheek and focusing on how fast your heart was racing against your chest.

Should you do it?

What would he do if you did?

"Fuck it," you whispered, stepping out from under Tyler's hands and turning to face him.

"What?" He laughed, "Did I suck that bad?"

You didn't say anything as you moved closer to him and crawled onto his lap. You felt his quads tighten and watched as his eyes went wide, almost as if he was too afraid to move because he was too focused on what you were doing. You were nervous as hell, never really one to make big moves like this, but you were tired of just dancing in circles with Tyler and more than anything, you were hoping that taking the leap on this one...wouldn't bite you in the ass.

You wrapped your arms around his neck before leaning in and pressing your lips solidly against his. It was like the first time he kissed you, nothing crazy, just a kiss. And when he didn't kiss you back, you felt yourself begin to get swallowed up by a hole on embarrassment. No sooner than you went to pull away, Tyler grabbed your lower back and pulled you further onto his lap, groaning quietly before kissing you again. This time his mouth moved with your own, setting the pace that you were more than pleased to follow. You were the first to tease, dragging your tongue slowly across his bottom lip before he took it up a level and teased your tongue with his own. Your fingers looped around the back of his head, tangling themselves in his curls, just as he brought one of his hands down to your hip and tugs you against him once more.

Goosebumps erupted over your entire body the moment his hands started to wander across your skin. One stayed beneath the water, constantly guiding you across his lap as the other wandered across your belly before landing on the side of one of your breasts, his thumb rubbing over the front of your top. It was like he had well-timed the entire ordeal, because the moment you moaned at the sensation coming from beneath your top, Tyler stuck his tongue back into your mouth before biting down softly on your bottom lip. When you went to kiss him again, you untangled your fingers from his curls and untying the back of your bathing suit, taking the material and blindly tossing it aside before pressing your bare chest against Tyler and kissing him harder.

You were desperate to get him to understand just how badly you wanted him and when you could feel all of him brushing against your inner thigh, you sped up your movements, rolling your hips against him as he held onto your hips tightly. "Oh Fuck Y/N," he groaned, letting his head fall away from you.

You took the opportunity to reach your hands down into the water and grab onto his swim trunks, searching for the tied strings. You started to feel embarrassed at how you couldn't find them until you felt Tyler stir and you looked up to see him staring blatantly at your chest– reaching for a breast and cupping it. "You weren't wrong," he looked up at you with his childlike smile cupping the other breast and massaging them both. "Your boobs are pretty great."

You laughed before leaning in and kissing him, running your hands down his stomach and coming to a stop, once again at the waistband on his swim trunks. "No strings, you just tug em," he pulled back and reached his hands beneath the water, shifting as you felt the fabric of his swim trunks brush against your bottom. "It's easy science."

You rolled your eyes as he brought you back into his chest and you let your hands continue their journey down his body. To your, happy, surprise, the waistband of his swim trunks was no longer blocking your way. He kissed down your neck as you felt his hands wander down to your bottoms, twirling with the strings on either side of your hips. "Yes," you breathed out before he could even ask the question, even nodding your head in case he wouldn't get the signal.

His tugs on the strings of your bottoms were in synch and you felt him pull the fabric away from your body, leaving you vulnerable and naked beneath the water and on his lap. His hands traveled down to your butt as he tugged you closer against him, to the point where you could feel his cock resting between the both of you.

As he continued his assault on your neck, one bite caused you to moan loudly and he pulled away with wide eyes and a smile. "Not going to lie, that was kind of hot, and I’m definitely a big fan of the red raunchy bikini..."

You smiled, before the reality of your situation set in and you looked down at the water. The adrenaline was running through your veins, making you feel on top of the world– this was it. You and Tyler were going to finally have sex.

"I-I've never done this before," you blurted out, swallowing the small nervous knot in your throat.

Tyler stopped kissing down your chest and pulled back, looking at you. The look on his face could only be described as one that was worrisome as his hands cradled your lower back. "I thought...I mean...you and Cole never..."

"Oh no! No, no, no, we did!" Only then did you realize what your statement had made him think and you wanted to do nothing more than drown yourself in the jacuzzi. "That ship sailed a long time ago, like a lonnnng time ago. Junior winter formal, Jack Makenzie at Jamie's cabin– post formal party. Though, don't tell him that because I kind of lied and said it would be only girls, but it was actually–"

Tyler leaned forward and kissed you softly, a hand coming up to the left side of your face and cradling it. When he pulled away, his thumb was rubbing along your cheekbone. "Relax, Y/N, it's just me. If you don't want to do this, we don't have to. We can cuddle in bed and fall asleep."

"No, I want to do this, I want this..." You leaned into his touch, closing your eyes only for a moment before looking back at him. "I want you, I just...I've never done it in a hot tub before so..."

Tyler tried so hard to hide his dire want to laugh, but as always, he failed and burst out into laughter. He kissed you once, twice and pressed his head against yours. "You're such a dork, you know that? And I love that about you."

Your heart fluttered when he said it, and while you know that he probably didn't mean the big L...it still felt the same. You pressed yourself against him and kissed him until you were out of breath. When you pulled away, you kept your forehead pressed against his as the both of you tried to catch your breath.

It should be noted that hooking up in a jacuzzi, will leave you just as breathless as the hooking up itself– and you were going to be sure to mention that to Kennedy as a lesson learned.

Tyler's hands traveled up your sides, resting on your ribs before you looked at him. His eyes were staring into yours as if he was trying to find any hint of regret– that you weren't choosing to do this because it was a spur of the moment thing. You nodded before breathing out a breathless 'yes' and his hands traveled back down to your waist and beneath the water.

You were waiting for the touch of his you'd been longing for and when it'd yet to come you looked at him to see he has a sheepish smile on his face. "Do you want to uh..." his eyes traveled to the water, "I just don't want to um...I want it to be comfortable for you and you can set it at your own pace and–"

This time, you cut him off with a kiss before laughing and nodding your head. You took a short, but deep breath as a way to calm yourself before dipping your hand beneath the water and finding Tyler's wrist. You followed it to his hand, lingering your touch against his fingers before grasping his cock in your hand. He coughed to cover up his groan at your added touch but kept his eyes on you as you positioned yourself over him.

The both of you took sharp inhales of breath as you suck down onto him, one hand grasping onto his chest as you felt your head fall back slightly in relief. You took your time, taking him in and admiring the slight burn of him stretching you out. You needed to go slow, it's been months since you've had sex and Tyler was considerably thicker and longer than Cole.

"Y/N..." He whispered, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear and kissing your neck. "You need to breathe, babe."

"Sorry, it's just...it's been a while and you're so..." His hips tugged you down softly the last few inches and you moaned, falling into his chest. "Oh fuck."

You stayed pressed against his chest, focusing on breathing as he told you too– all in the while, he was stilled within you, rubbing your sides and switching between kissing your neck and your shoulder blades. As soon as he turned his face into the crook of your neck, you relaxed and pulled back nodding your head. "You ready? Can I move?"

"Yeah," you leaned in and kissed him hard, a clash of teeth and lips before moving to his neck and nipping just below his jaw. "Go ahead."

He thrust his hips up, pushing himself further into you and hitting a spot that made your legs feel like jello. When you felt him smirk against your neck, you laughed to yourself and knew that it was game on. You weren't one to toot your own horn, but little did Tyler know, this position was your expertise. You always had Cole melted like putty in your hands whenever you topped him and unfortunately...or fortunately for Tyler, he was about to find out.

You raised your hips and circled them before sinking back down again, grinding down onto him hard. "Oh fuck that..." his head fell back as his grip on your waist loosened, giving you more control. "That feels so fucking good."

You grinned to yourself as you placed your hands on his shoulders, pushing him against the wall of the jacuzzi, earning wide eyes and a smirk from Tyler. "Oh, shit Y/N...are you trying to dominate me?"

Your only reply was a flirty grin and your hips grinding down against him harder before clenching down onto him, causing him to choke on the breath he'd been holding. As you quicken your pace, Tyler started to meet you halfway but keeping his focus on his hands massaging your breasts.

"Tyler...fuck." You moaned, pressing your face into the crook of his neck and focusing on how good he was making you feel...until a jingling sound tore you away. "Did you hear that?"

"Huh? What?" He mumbled, thrusting his hips up again, completely enamored in you to even pay attention.

You heard more jingling, this time your eyes focusing on the house. You grabbed Tyler's face and turned his head towards the backdoor. "It's coming from over there...wait..is that?"

"Oh no, you've got to be kidding me," He groaned, stilling inside you and bringing you closer to his chest as the two of you watched the three figures get closer. "No! Go, bad boys!"

The three furry Seguins came running up to the two of you, tails wagging and tongues out. Gerry attacked Tyler's face with kisses as Cash and Marshall tried their best to get to you. Tyler wrapped one arm around your waist, pulling you into him as he shooed the dogs away with the other. "Go away, you're ruining it!"

You laughed, pulling your face out of his chest before patting it. "I don't think they're going away any time soon."

He looked at you, pouting before groaning. "I just got cockblocked by my own dogs, man's best friend my ass."

"Who said we were done?" You replied, climbing off of his lap.

He raised his eyebrows and let his eyes linger on you before he tugged up his swim trunks and climbed out of the jacuzzi. He picked up a towel and unfolded it, holding it up for you.

You stepped out of the jacuzzi, easily feeling his gaze linger on you before stepping towards the towel and letting him wrap you up in it.

He picked up his towel, wrapping it around his waist and touching your elbow. "Meet me in our room while I go deal with these," he turned his attention towards the dogs, who were all sitting down and staring at you both with big smiles. "Very bad boys."

You watched as he walked the dogs back into the house and took that time to not only collect your bathing suit but to turn off all of the lights and grab the Bluetooth speaker. As you made your way into the house, you couldn't wrap your mind about what just happened. Every time you tried to, the result was always the same:

Holy shit, you just had sex with Tyler.

And the butterflies haven't left your body at the way he called his bedroom, your bedroom or how slow and gentle he had been with you. It's only been a few moments since the dogs interrupted you, but you swore that you could still feel his touch and you were more than positive that you'd never forget the way he felt. When you got to the bedroom, you walked into the bathroom and laid your bathing suit over the tub before placing the speaker onto the counter and walking back into the room.

Now it felt like a waiting game and you could feel your nerves start to return– mainly in the fear of, what if he doesn't want to continue? You were beginning to pace around the room, clinging to your towel before you saw it– his jersey. The jersey he let you wear on Halloween, the one Jamie said he was waiting to get boxed up in a shadow box. You smiled, dropping your towel and walking over to the jersey, picking it up and letting it fall down your body. As you heard his footsteps coming up the stairs, you quickly walked back over to the bed, standing at the end of it and kicked the towel away.

"I don't know how the hell they even got out! I could've sworn that I left them in the–" He stopped in the doorway, his eyes glued to you in his jersey and you could tell that he was seconds away from drooling.

"So?" You smiled, raising an eyebrow as he made his way over to you.

"I wanted to have you the first time I saw you in the jersey," he smiled, making his way over to you. "With nothing but spandex, heels, and those cute bunny ears."

"Aw shucks," you pouted jokingly, "no bunny ears."

His hands traveled up the bottom of the jersey and ran across your bare skin, coming to a stop on your hips. "I like this outfit much, much better."

You wrapped your arms around his neck, smiling up at him. "Even without the ears?"

"Hell yeah," he replied, pulling you into him and kissing your cheek, moving down to your neck. "But I can always go and buy another pair."

"No need," you grinned as he playfully nipped your neck and you pushed him away. "Well, I think we've got too many clothes on, Seguin. What about you?"

"I think we can fix that," he replied and you watched as his childlike grin took over his face before he pounced on you, playfully tackling you onto his bed and sending you both into a giggle fit.

❒❒❒❒

When you woke up the next morning, the two of you were intertwined in mess of limbs and bedsheets. He had his face smashed into his pillow and he was drooling a little bit, add in his slight snoring and you knew that he was still sleeping hard. And you couldn't blame him, because last night was the most physical activity you had in a long time and if it wasn't for your immediate need to pee, you'd still be sleeping too. You snuck out from beneath his arm and he immediately stirred away, glaring at you with sleepy eyes. "No, come back."

"We have to get up, Ty," you groaned as he pulled you back into him. "We have to be at the arena in an hour for morning skate and we both need to shower."

His eyes shot open and he smiled at you. "Shower sex?"

"If you get up now, then–"

He practically jumped on top of you and kissed you before rolling off and running into the bathroom, stark ass naked. "I've got the water, you bring yourself and we're all set!"

"You're insatiable, Tyler!" You laughed, leaning up on your elbows and looking into the bathroom.

He peeked out from around the corner, still with a smile on his face. "I don't know what that means, but it sounds kind of hot so thank you." He disappeared back around the corner, the shower door opening. "Now get your cute ass in here so I can wash your hair."

Your time in the shower cut your 'get ready' time short, but Tyler made up for it by practically speeding to the arena. Luckily for Tyler, the morning skate wasn't going to be a normal practice, seeing as the Stars flew out to Nashville later that afternoon. When the two of you got out of the car, you told Tyler to walk ahead of you and that you'd wait for Big Rig, that way it wasn't suspicious of you to arrive with him rather than Tyler. When Tyler went to leave, Big Rig pulled up and you waved him down. You were leaning against Tyler's car when Big Rig walked up to you, adjusting the duffle bag on his shoulder. He stopped in front of you and took in your appearance before getting the biggest grin on his face.

"What's your problem, Teddy Bear?" You asked, looking back down at your phone to reply to a text from Kennedy.

"Oh yeah, you so got laid." He picked at a wet piece of your hair and smirked. "Last night and maybe some shower sex this morning I assume?"

You almost dropped your phone with how straightforward...and quite frankly correct, he was. "Don't say it so loud, you ass!" You smacked his stomach and he just laughed. "But how do you know?"

"You've got that post-sex glow," he waved his hand at you as the two of you made your way into the building. "Plus your RBF isn't as bad this morning like it always is."

"Oh shut up," You said, bumping into him as he kept laughing. "Don't think I don't know about your post-sex routine."

He gasped, looking at you with wide eyes. "She told you about that?"

You smirked and patted his chest. "We're best friends, Teddy Bear. I know everything." You eyed him up and down before patting him on the chest again and walked ahead of him.

"Wait! What do you mean everything! What did she say?"

You kept mum all while trying not to laugh as he kept begging you to spill the details on what you knew, your entire journey to the training room. And just when you were about to tell him, Jamie came jogging down the hall. "Y/N! I need you to grab my foam roller from the car, pretty please?"

"There's like five foam rollers in the room, why do you need yours?"

"Because everyone's using one and I forgot to bring it inside with me and my hamstrings are dying," he tossed you his car keys. "I'll tell Dave you're there, please!" You groaned, but ultimately agreed to go to his car and he smiled. "You're the best little sister ever!"

You turned to walk down the hallway, giving him a deadpan stare. "I'm your only little sister."

"Fine. Best sister!"

"I'm telling Jenn!"

He and Big Rig ignored your comeback and continued their way to the locker room as you made your way back out to the parking lot. On the bright side, this little detour gave you a little more time to yourself to absorb everything that happened last night, without having to do so in a room full of hockey players. Your busy night replayed in your mind and you pushed back the blush that so desperately wanted to make an appearance on your face. One thing that you couldn't help but wonder, is whether or not last night with Tyler and everything you guys did meant you were official on some kind of level.

"Nope, don't do that," you shut Jamie's car door, tucking his foam roller under your arm as you shook your head at yourself. "Don't be that girl who falls in love with a guy the moment you have sex."

Though to be fair, it was some pretty great sex. The best you've ever had and it only made sense as to how Tyler maintained to get so many girls throughout the years and kept them coming back. When you reached the training room, you stood outside of the door for only a few moments and composed yourself before opening it and walking inside.

You were immediately greeted with wild laughter and chirps being thrown left and right, the focus mainly being on Big Rig. "What's going on?" You asked, tossing Jamie his foam roller and walking over to your designated desk to grab the bands for Big Rig's stretching.

Dickinson smiled, wiggling his eyebrows in Big Rig's direction. "Oh nothing, just asking Big Rig how his trip to the zoo was."

"The zoo?" You came to a stop in front of Big Rig, handing him one end of the band. "When the hell did you go to the zoo?"

Big Rig looks at you before tugging onto the band and starting his stretches, trying his damndest to hide his blushing. "Not the literal zoo, Y/N," Pavs chimed in from across the room. "We're just pointing out how it looks like he jumped into an animal cage and got bit quite a few times."

You were confused as hell as you looked around the room to see everybody still laughing at Big Rig. When you turned your attention to him, your eyes widened the moment they landed on his neck. He had been wearing a sweatshirt beforehand, hiding the purple bruises that traveled below the shirt collar. "Holy fuck, what did she do to you?"

The boys' laughter roared again before fading as Big Rig finally looked at you with a groan. "She just wanted to celebrate the win." He tossed his towel at Rads and Dickinson. "At least I'm getting good sex, assholes."

You cringed, hitting him on the shoulder before moving towards your desk. "Please don't talk about that."

"I thought you already knew everything?" He replied, obviously mocking you.

"Yeah, but I don't need to hear YOU talk about it to your teammates, including my brother," you shuddered, shaking your head at the thought. "Ew."

"Hey Y/N, can you grab me two ibuprofen?" Jamie asked, raising his arm into the air.

You nodded and turned your attention over to the medicine cabinet, your back to the now relaxed and chattering group of men. The door opened again, followed by a whistle. "Looks like Big Rig wasn't the only one who found himself in bed with an animal, boys."

You rolled your eyes at Rad's comment, trying your best to mute out the guy talk as your eyes skimmed the shelves for the ibuprofen. "Jesus Seggy, did you and Big Rig take trips to the zoo together?" Miro chimed in, probably still a little confused at the metaphor.

"What the fuck are you on about, Miro?" Tyler asked, moving about the training room.

"Ha, got ya!" You smiled, reaching into the back of the cabinet and grabbing the bottle. You kept your focus on opening the bottle as you closed the cabinet and turned back to face the room.

"I'm talking about the sex scratches all over your back. It looks like you bedded a fucking leopard!" Dickinson laughed. You looked upon instinct to see him tugging on Tyler's shoulders and eventually forcing him to have his back faced to the room.

The moment your eyes landed on his muscled back, your body froze and the bottle of ibuprofen fell from your hands and onto the floor. Your eyes lingered on the bright red scratches that decorated the entirety of his back– evidence of your night together and just how good Tyler had made you feel.

"Let me see!"

"No, I want to see! Are they that bad?"

You watched, horrified, as his teammates kept tugging him around, trying to get a glimpse of the so-called 'sex scratches', their laughter bouncing off of the walls. Your cheeks were no doubt a deep scarlet color by now and they only got hotter when you saw Jamie bend down and pick up the ibuprofen in front of you. "Jesus Seggy, you're telling me that you didn't know those were there?" He asked, opening the bottle and grabbing two pills before handing it back to you.

"I was uh, a little distracted I guess."

You made quick eye contact with him before tucking your head into your chest and turning away, trying to prevent yourself from any more humiliation. You kept your back to the rest of the boys, looking up only for a moment to see Big Rig looking at you with a smirk. As you walked by him, you reached out and pinched his inner thigh hard, quickly rushing by him and going to the cabinet.

"Let me guess the number for the o-scale...three for four?" Pavs called out, silencing the roaring laughter.

"No fucking way, I say one and done. He's getting too old.." Dickinson chimed in, elbowing Tyler. "There's no way he can hang on that long."

You bit your tongue as an effort to prevent yourself from saying just how many times Tyler had made you cum last night, instead, choosing to focus on helping Big Rig continue his stretching– though it wasn't needed. "Yeah Seggy, tell us!" Big Rig said, keeping his eyes on you and the smirk on his face. "Three for Three? More than four?"

If looks could kill, Big Rig would be buried in a casket six feet under right now and you made sure that he knew it. You grabbed the elastic around his foot and snapped it back, only making him laugh.

"The gel's over there, Tyler. Grab it for me and I can get out those knots." Craig said, paying no mind to the conversation around him.

Tyler was turning red and rubbing the back of his neck in an effort to try and hold them off and you were silently praying that he wouldn't cave into their pressure. "Four for four..." He mumbled and you could feel his gaze scrape over you.

The hollering from the boys around him was deafening as they all congratulated him and patted him on the back. Meanwhile, it was all you could do not to die from embarrassment while dealing with the plaguing smirk coming from Big Rig.

"Damn Seggy," Jamie laughed, patting Tyler on the back like some proud dad. "You've got a real keeper there, don't you? She managed to scratch you up that bad? She must've been doing all the work for you."

Big Rig couldn't hold back his laughter anymore, making a noise that mimicked an elephant as he let go of his side of the band and fell back onto the table, clutching onto his stomach. "Oh my God," he whispered, his face turning beet red.

You were too busy focusing on anything but the nauseous feeling you started to have the moment Jamie unknowingly congratulated Tyler on having sex with you, his younger sister. "Yeah, she is..." Tyler replied.

You kept your focus on the band around Big Rig's foot, constantly tapping his shins in an attempt to try to get him to sit back up. Before he made it known, you could feel Tyler's presence and were sure of it when Big Rig finally sat up, still with a grin on his face. "Well, isn't this a lovely sight? At least I'm not the only one getting chirped."

Tyler laughed and looked at you, seeing that you were extremely embarrassed. In an effort to calm you down, he moved closer to you, pretending like he was asking you a question. "I'm sorry. I forgot they were there and I need to get scraped and I just...came in here without a shirt."

You shrug it off, focusing on Big Rig. "It's fine. Though I'll admit, hearing my brother talk about us having sex is something I never thought I'd experience." He laughed and you looked at him, leaning against the table. "So what do you need?"

"I need a lot of things," he whispered, smiling at you. "A massage like last night, for one." He scoffed when he saw you roll your eyes in reply. "Okay yeah, don't act like my massage last night didn't do something for you."

"Man," Big Rig laughed, shaking his head at the two of you. "These Copeley 206 girls, am I right Seggy?"

You pinched Big Rig again, this time on the inner knee and he flinched away from you as he and Tyler laughed. "Well, he's not lying. I mean have you seen what you and Kennedy have done to us? Ruined our beautiful, athletic bodies with your...sexual marks."

"Yeah, well if Big Rig doesn't stop and you don't stop encouraging him," you turned to Tyler and gave him a sarcastic smile, batting your eyelashes at him. "You'll be getting none of my services from last–"

"A mini towel and some gel!" Tyler blurted out, his smirk falling and his eyes looking panicked. "I just need one of those towels and the gel. Craig said it was over here somewhere with you?"

You furrowed your eyebrows, shaking your head slightly. "What are you–" When you saw Tyler move his eyes to your left, you pretended to look for the stuff he needed and that's when you saw just how close Bishop was standing by your area, doing his band exercises.

You felt yourself begin to panic, but took a quiet, deep breath and exhaled before clearing your throat and bending down beneath the table, grabbing a towel. "I have towels, but the gel is probably with Dave. You must've heard him wrong."

Tyler nodded, taking the towel from you. "Probably, seeing as I didn't get much sleep last night." You saw the mischievous gleam in his eyes before he nodded at Big Rig. "Nice marks, did you cross paths with a squid?"

Before Big Rig could smack him with his free band, Tyler ran off laughing. You kept working with him, adding in new stretches until Bishop finished with his and left the training room. When you reached another point that Big Rig was done with his stretches, he leaned up and put both hands on your shoulders. "You need to breathe Y/N, because you look like you could pass out at any moment."

"I think I'm going to, what if..." You looked around the now, less crowded training room, collecting the bands from him. "What if he heard something? Anything or all of it? I'd be dead! My own brother would probably murder me with his hockey stick..maybe even his skate if he was angry enough."

"You'll be fine, Y/N." Big Rig patted your shoulders before hopping off of the table. "Bish has old man hearing, I doubt he heard anything."

He gave you a reassuring smile and you felt yourself start to relax. He was right, there was no way that Bishop could've heard your entire conversation, and now that you thought about it...he wasn't really all that close to you guys after all. Your gut feeling was wrong this time, you were sure of it.

"Hey Y/N, can you help me real quick? I just need my ankles taped." Miro asked, walking over to your table before hopping up and greeting you with a smile. "Best ankle taper in the game."

You smiled, before walking over to the cabinet and grabbing some pre-wrap and tape. You closed your eyes, took a deep breath, opening them once you exhaled and closed the cabinet.

Everything was going to be fine...perfect, even.

[hopewritcs]

another day, another party.

pairing: billy hargrove x reader

word count: 2.5k

request: “13, 65, 66 w billy? you’re the best!” ( “I dare you to kiss me.” / “We could always crash the party.” /  “I’m not sure you understand how much I care about you.” )

summary: billy and y/n have formed an unusual friendship.  both of them are popular, both of them like to go to parties, and they always wind up crashing at y/n’s house after.  but they’re most definitely just friends.  

notes: post s2 - pre s3

stranger things tag list: @thekidsofneibolt, @madhatterweasley, @shaykeijser, @rainy-bookish-days (if you wanna be added to any tag list, let me know!!)

Billy Hargrove wasn’t someone that Y/N’d expected to be friends with.  But, through mutual friends and several parties that year, they’d wound up thrown together on multiple occasions.  

Now, when they walked in the halls at the school Y/N and Billy were always together.  Naturally, everyone assumed that they were together.  It was something they would laugh about when they skipped class and sat in the back of the school under the bleachers.  

Which is exactly where they were now, a lit cigarette dangling from Billy’s lips as Y/N fumbled with the can of coke she’d brought with her from home.  She wasn’t much of a smoker like Billy, but she still hung around with him when he did.  They both needed to skip class every now and again.  

“So Carol told me about this party she and Tommy are throwing this weekend.”  Y/N huffed, taking a sip from her soda before tilting her head to look at Billy.  “Said it was only going to be a small group, which you know means she’s inviting half the school.  Everyone will be there, I’m sure, except people she and Tommy consider freaks.”  

It almost hurt her to say that.  She never bought into the bogus social hierarchy, calling people names and making fun of anyone for something they’ve done or not done.  It simply wasn’t who Y/N was.  It got her a lot of shit from her supposed friends too.  She’d been caught defending everyone from Jonathan Byers to Steve Harrington ever since she could remember.  While her friends teased her for it, told her to stick with them, she’d just rolled her eyes.  

“We could always crash the party.”  Billy said, exhaling as he pulled the cigarette from his lips and offered it to Y/N.  She declined with a wave of her hand, leaning back and letting the sun wash over her as best it could from under the bleachers.  

“We’re invited to the party, dumbass.”  Which was a problem for her.  Of course, she loved a good party.  Honestly, who didn’t?  What else was there to do in a small town except for get wasted on the weekends and hope to god that the police chief doesn’t show up and take you home kicking and screaming?  But as graduation got closer, it was one of the farthest things from her mind.  

“Then let’s have our own party.  The two of us.  We’ll pick up booze from town and go to yours.”  Billy suggested, sitting up to look at her better.  Y/N, in his time in Hawkins, had become the one single person he gave a shit about in the small town.  She didn’t judge him--didn’t judge anyone for that matter--and carried herself both with an air of how can i help and fuck off, a tangled mix that Billy was more than intrigued by.  Y/N had quickly become the person he relied on, his best friend.  “Your parents are out of town, right?”  

“Yeah, they’ve got my older sister’s parents weekend.  Or an award thing?  Who fucking knows.  They’re visiting her and leaving me here.”  Y/N didn’t sound bitter about it, because she wasn’t.  That was just the facts of the situation.  Would she have wanted to go to whatever it was?  Probably not.  But she would have liked the opportunity--she would have liked it if her parents had asked first.  

“So then it’s settled.  Friday after school we’ll rent a video and have our own party.  Who gives a shit about all of them anyway?”  Billy gestured toward the school wildly with one hand as he snubbed out his cigarette and jumped to a standing position, pulling Y/N off the ground too.  Her soda can spilled on the grass as he grabbed her from her seat.  The bell tolled in the distance.  “We can’t be late.”  Billy said, pointing to the school with a smirk on his lips.  

“Yes, because we can actually be late to leave school for the day, Hargrove.”  

“Just move it, Y/L/N.” 

Friday came by quickly, and the hunt for videos and snacks was upon Billy and Y/N.  Billy drove to the video rental, blasting the cassette in his car stereo and driving fast.  He was laughing.  He knew how much it drove Y/N insane when he drove like this.  

Her hands were grabbing on to her seat as she screamed at him to slow down.  This was just how it was when they drove.  Billy drove like he thought--wild, crazy, little care.  Y/N hated every minute of it, her stomach always flew into her throat when she was in his car.  But he didn’t exactly like being driven around, so they always wound up carpooling in his car ( which she’d mentioned that she could drive once and only got a look across Billy’s face to tell her never to mention it again ).  

“Shit Billy, you’re insane.  Where the hell did you learn to drive?”  It wasn’t so much an actual question, but the same thing she always cried out in the car with him.  “You’re gonna get us killed!”  The panic clear on her features, but she also knew that Billy was in fact in control of the car and nothing would happen.  She knew he liked getting a rise out of her, but she couldn’t help her gut reaction of pure terror.  

When they got out of the car, with her backpack slung over one shoulder she looked toward Billy with a glint in her eyes, “If you drive like that all the way to my house I will kick you out of your own damned car Hargrove!” 

Y/N meant it to be threatening, but Billy was smirking at her.  “Think you can handle that on your own?”  

“Don’t test me.  We’re this close to finding out.”  

He balked out laughter at that comment, and Y/N rolled her eyes--she was still holding her thumb and forefinger just far enough apart that it created any space, and the pair made their way into Family Video.  

Y/N brushed past Billy and immediately began searching for snacks.  Regretfully, since she’d picked the film last time they’d hung out, it was Billy’s turn and she was unsure what direction he would go in.  She’d made him watch A New Hope last time, with hopes they’d continue with the trilogy in another movie night.  Billy had grumbled about a lot of the film, but he hadn’t outright hated it like the time she’d made him sit through Peter Pan.  She knew all the words to songs and Billy had sat on the couch with a pillow over his head to drown out the sounds.  With Billy, he either picked something like Animal House or the Birds.  

After he’d made Y/N watch the horror film she’d jumped the next morning at the sound of a bird tapping against her window, to which he’d made fun of her for.  

A tap on her shoulder told her Billy was behind her and she turned to look at him with her arms full of food.  Her mouth fell open at the video in his hands and she asked, “The Shining?  Didn’t we already watch that one?”  she followed him towards the check out, putting all the candies she’d grabbed up with the video he put there.  

“No, I mentioned it last time but you made me watch that dumb movie with the girl who’s whole family forgot her birthday.  The redhead girl and the dweeby blonde.”  

“Sixteen Candles.  I was so excited when it came out on video!  And that’s Molly Ringwald.  I heard she’s got another movie coming out this year.  Maybe you’ll go see it with me when it comes to the movies?”  

Billy shrugged noncommittally as he fished in his pocket for some cash.  Y/N did the same and both of them paid for the stuff before heading back to the car.  

The first time the pair gone to Family Video to do this--rent a video and buy snacks--the cashier had scoffed and asked why Billy wasn’t paying for the whole thing like a guy should for his girl.  Which led to both Y/N and Billy leaning on the counter laughing when you made eye contact with each other.  Of course, now the comment wouldn’t have been so funny.  

Y/N ordered a pizza, got plates and dished it out before she had settled into the couch with some mixed concoction of what she found in the kitchen--some of the soda the family kept in the fridge and a bit of the whiskey her father preferred.  Billy had taken his alcohol straight, already downing one cup and on a refill.  

The pair were on the couch, each leaning on an armrest as the movie began.  “I bet you you’ll be over on this side of the couch before the first half is over.”  

“You have so little faith in me!”  Y/N faked a gasp, putting an amused smile on her face as she placed her hand on her neck, shaking her head.  

“You’re not denying it.”  

“What do I get if I win?” 

Billy thought for a moment, “I’ll let you pick the next two films.” She figured he must be confident in his film choice because Billy always found something to complain about her video picks.  “But that won’t happen,” he sounded overconfident and it made Y/N laugh as she rolled her eyes.  “So when I win, I dare you to kiss me.”  

Y/N choked on the bite of pizza she’d been chewing and she leaned forward with a wild look in her eyes.  There was no way in hell that Billy had an inkling that she had developed a crush on him, right?  This was just some joke, right.  So she relaxed her seat and looked at him, “That’s the worst bet you’ve ever made in your life Hargrove.  What’s the deal?  Got money riding on the schools are they or aren’t they bet?”  Y/N was teasing him, but she still worried about whatever it was that was really going through his mind.  

Billy shook his head.  He was so calm it was irritating Y/N.  “Nah.”  

“Then what, you just wanna kiss me or somethin?”  she choked on her laughter, shaking her head at him.  

Billy shrugged his shoulders and turned his attention back toward the video playing.  Y/N pouted when she realized that meant she wasn’t going to be getting any answers out of him, so she sighed and turned her attention to the video and continued drinking, the pizza forgotten on her plate.  

Billy knew the movie was going to get under Y/N’s skin.  He knew how she felt about the horror films he’d picked in the past, so he was just waiting for the bet to be over with.  The last bet was during Lady and the Tramp where she’d bet him he would wind up complaining well before the baby was born.  Billy had said he wouldn’t.  The stakes were: if Billy won he could order what he wanted for both of them the next time they ordered from the diner, and if Y/N won she could bring one of her cassette’s into Billy’s car.  High stakes, since Billy hated listening to music he didn’t like, so he’d done his best to not complain.  He really had set against not complaining.  But in the first scene he’d gone and rolled his eyes, leaning on the couch, “But there’s no holes in the present!”  And Y/N had brought in her Cyndi Lauper tape into the camaro, which it now called home.  

Surprisingly, Y/N had made it through most of the movie without jumping over the middle of the couch.  Every time Billy looked over at her, her face was contorted in a look of concentration.  Which only made him roll his eyes, she was determined not to freak out and let him win the bet.  The look of determination in her eyes, even as he watched her flinch from what happened on the screen.  

They were more than half into the move at this point, but Y/N still hadn’t moved from her spot where she’d grounded herself.  She refused to move, except to look at Billy out of the corner of her eyes.  She’d caught him looking her way, but didn’t say anything.  Y/N was still trying to figure out what kind of shit Billy was trying to pull with the whole kiss dare.  

In the future when this movie night would be spoken about, it would be in terms of the bets they’d made and who won.  

When the credits were rolling, Y/N stood up and took the video out of the player and turned back to Billy with an angry tint in her eyes ( definitely partially fueled by the alcohol she’d consumed during the movie ), “So what the fuck was that dare for, Billy?”  

Billy stood up and chuckled at her.  He was playing it off as nothing more than just a simple dare to get under his friend’s skin.  But maybe it had meant more to him.  “Just wanted to see you squirm.”  He said, passing by her to go into the kitchen where he opened the fridge.  “I didn’t think it would affect you this much, Y/N.”  he’d called back to her.  

“I’m not sure you understand how much I care about you then.”  Y/N had meant to say it under her breath, but her voice carried from where she stood in her house to where Billy stood in the kitchen.  

“You care about me?”  Billy asked, suddenly appearing at her side and looking at her with eyes she couldn’t decipher.  

Y/N jumped and turned to face him, “You scared the shit out of me Hargrove.”  she nudged his arm with her fist, sloppily pushing against his chest.  

“You ignoring my question, Y/L/N?”

“What question?” 

Billy sighed and repeated his question from moments before, “You care about me?”  

Y/N’s eyes widened for a split second before she cleared her throat, “Of course I do!  You’re my best friend, Billy.  Of course I care about you.”  It didn’t sound so convincing to either of them.  Y/N was sure her voice had raised a surprising octave and Billy had kept his eyes on hers when she spoke.  

“Kiss me.”  he said quietly.  

“You lost the bet.”  Y/N pointed out with a soft chuckle.  

“This ain’t about the damn bet, Y/N.”  Billy harrumphed, putting a hand on her cheek and looking at her.  In that moment, she sobered up when he said, “Kiss me.”  

And she did.  

In the future, when they’d talk of the bet made that night: both of them would say they won.  

[canislycaonwrites]

look, it's not my fault that you sprinted in front of my car in the middle of the night

prompt: i hit you with my car/a cat stole my wallet | read on AO3 The first thing Cassian thought was how unbelievably uncomfortable he was. That and how much his head was killing him. Sore and stiff and aching all over, he felt like he’d spent the night sleeping on concrete after being knocked unconscious. Every movement was laborious and discomforting, like his joints weren’t used to moving. The pounding in his head wasn’t helping anything either. Cauldron, this was miserable.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “I feel like I got hit by a car.”

“That’s because you did,” someone to his right said. The voice was cool and female but not one he recognized.

He tried to open his eyes to look at her but his eyes felt like they’d been glued shut. He groaned again.

“Do you need help opening your eyes?”

“Yes,” he said, wincing.

Then, her gentle fingers were carefully prying open his eyes, one by one. Not that it really mattered given that his vision was blurred and his eyes couldn’t stay on the same spot for too long.

“Who are you and why are my eyes wrong?”

“Your vision problems are a side effect of the probable concussion. And maybe a side effect of the morphine.”

“Can you lower the dosage, please?”

“Sure.” She leaned across his bed and fiddled with what he presumed was his IV drip. “I only backed it down a little, in case the full amount of pain is overwhelming.”

“Thanks, who are you, though?”

“I’m Nesta. I…” Her blurred facial features moved around a bit, perhaps in a grimace. “…hit you with my car.”

“You hit me with your car…” he repeated slowly. “Why would you do that?”

“It’s not my fault, it was an accident,” she snapped, crossing her arms defensively over her chest. “What sort of an idiot sprints out of an alley into the street in the middle of the night?”

“I sprinted from an alley into oncoming traffic?”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it ‘traffic’—it was just me out there. And the cat that brought me your wallet.”

“Fuck!” Cassian yelled, startling Nesta. “That damn cat stole my wallet! That’s why I was running! I was chasing him to get it back!”

Nesta pressing down on his chest lightly with one hand and said, “it’s good that you remember but you need to stop yelling.”

“That cat almost got me killed!”

“You were nowhere near death, and the cat brought back your wallet eventually.”

He opened his mouth the yell some more but stopped when he realized he couldn’t turn his head to look at her better. “Why am I in a neck brace?”

“Just a precaution, there’s nothing wrong with your neck or spine other than some whiplash—“

There was a knock on the door and a nurse poked their head in.

“I see our patient’s awake,” she said cheerfully. “I thought I heard voices in here.”

“Yes, and he’s definitely concussed. Although he does remember why he sprinted into the street.”

“A cat stole my wallet!”

The nurse blinked at him.

“It’s true,” Nesta offered. “The cat returned the wallet.”

“Ohhhkay,” the nurse said. “I’m just going to shine this little light in your eyes and then ask you a few more questions, okay?”

Cassian nodded and the nurse set about shining a tiny light in his eyes and asking him some easy general questions that he answered correctly, if not quickly.

“And do you remember where you were before…the cat stole your wallet?” the nurse asked.

“Yeah, uh,” he took a deep breath, “yeah, I was out at a club with Az and Rhys and Mor and I went outside to get some air because this guy showed up that I hate because he’s a d—uh, jerk, and I had my wallet out to give some money to a homeless guy and this demon cat from hell came out of nowhere—“

“So you remember quite a bit. No amnesia is always good.” The nurse smiled. Probably. “You are concussed, though, so we still have to keep you under observation. Luckily, you haven’t suffered any traumatic injuries: no spinal injuries, internal bleeding, or brain trauma. Although,” she added quickly, glancing at Nesta, “we will, of course, run another CT scan before you’re discharged.”

“Okay,” Cassian said slowly because he had no idea what a CT scan was. “Thanks.”

The nurse nodded and looked at Nesta. “Just, uh, keep him awake, and I’ll be back with some ice.”

“What was that about?” he asked after the nurse had gone.

“Oh, they all hate me because I insisted on double checking all of your results myself.”

Cassian frowned. “Are you a doctor?”

“No, but I did graduate from medical school.”

“Fancy. What’s a CT scan?”

“It’s x-ray imaging of your body. You really only need another head CT scan but they’ll probably run a full body one just in case.”

“‘Just in case’ meaning ‘because they don’t want to put up with you if they don’t’?”

“Pretty much.”

“What’s the ice for?”

“Your shoulder and neck. You ready to hear about your injuries?”

Cassian nodded.

“Most of your injuries are from landing on the pavement. I very nearly didn’t hit you at all. The only injury from the car is a bruise on your right leg.” She pulled back the blanket to show him the yellowing purple bruise on his lower leg. “So that need will need a little rehab but is otherwise fine.” She flipped the blanket back over him. “Your right wrist is sprained from when you tried to catch yourself on the pavement and you’ll have to wear the brace for a couple of weeks.”

That wasn’t so bad, Cassian thought. At least it wasn’t broken. He could wait a few weeks to punch Eris in the face.

“You know about the whiplash, which will last for a week at the most. Your left side is a different story. That whole side is basically one big bruise. You landed hard on your left shoulder. So hard that I’m surprised it wasn’t broken or dislocated. That bruise is the worst one; it’s almost black. You’ll have to use the sling for at least a month, probably six weeks. And you’ll need a lot of rehab.”

Cassian winced. He could already tell that not being able to use his left arm was going to drive him crazy.

“Your ribs are bruised, too. Thankfully not broken or fractured. Your left tibia is, though. That’s your—“

“Lower leg bone.”

“Yes. The way you landed caused a hairline fracture. Not so bad, all things considering. And they gave you a walking cast so you won’t need crutches.”

“That’s good, because I can’t use them.”

“Exactly.”

They lapsed into awkward silence for a moment, until the nurse came back with a sack of ice, which was, frankly, much colder than he remembered ice being, for his shoulder.

“Hold still,” the nurse said, after Cassian flinched violently at the contact.

“Don’t you have any warmer ice?” he asked.

Nesta snorted and the nurse sighed good-naturedly. “You can take it off in ten minutes, but not until then. Your CT scan is scheduled for just before lunch, and then we’ll see about getting you discharged.”

Cassian managed to thank her before she left, leaving him alone with Nesta once more.

After another few minutes of silence, Cassian opened his mouth, but before he could form words, Nesta was speaking.

“They couldn’t reach your emergency contact but I called the emergency contact in your phone—“

“You hacked my phone.”

Nesta’s arms tightened over her chest. “I’d hardly call holding your thumb to the fingerprint reader on your phone hacking—“

“I would but go on.”

“If you would stop interrupting me—”

“I will, promise.”

Cassian couldn’t see her expression but he felt confident it was exasperated.

She flicked her hair over her shoulder before continuing. “Well, I left messages for your most important person so I’m sure someone will be here soon.”

“Okay,” Cassian said. “How are you?”

“I…excuse me?”

Mother above, did this woman never get asked after her health? “I asked how you’re doing, how you’re feeling.”

“I-I mean I didn’t just get hit by a car.”

“No but you hit someone with a car, that must be stressful.”

“I…yes, it is,” Nesta admitted, before sinking into what was most likely a chair.

It occurred to Cassian that she may have been standing the entire time they’d been at the hospital.

Nesta ran her hands through her hair a few times before tucking it behind her ears. “I’m…tired, I guess. I,” she sighed. “I flew in yesterday on a long-haul red eye, and then I went straight to a bunch of meetings and then a dinner, and then I hit this absolute moron,” Cassian suppressed a grin, “with my rental car, so I haven’t slept in a while.”

“Why the hell did you need a rental car in the city?”

“My sisters and I were supposed to have a long weekend together upstate but obviously that didn’t go to plan.”

Cassian winced, which moved his neck, which moved his shoulder, which made him wince more. “I’m sorry I ruined your weekend.”

“I’m sorry I hit you with my car.”

They both laughed a bit at that.

“You could probably,” Cassian started, “you could still go, it’s not that late—“

Nesta shook her head. “They left hours ago; they’re long gone.”

Cassian frowned. He felt very sure his brothers would not go on vacation if he had just hit someone with his car.

“It’s fine,” Nesta said quickly. “I told them to go. They could use the break.”

“I’m guessing you could, too.” Nesta shrugged, uncomfortable. “Do you…if you want to go home, I mean, I wouldn’t hold it against you.”

“Oh,” Nesta said, taken aback. “I don’t, um, I don’t have a place here, and I didn’t make a hotel reservation because of the…”

“Weekend upstate, yeah.”

“Yeah.” There was a stretch of silence before, “I can go, if you want, I know you need to rest and everything.”

Cassian’s heart clenched in his chest. “No! No, I don’t want you to go, I was just saying, you know, because you haven’t slept—“

“I’m fine.”

“Okay.”

Another stretch of silence.

“So.” Cassian looked around awkwardly, fingers fidgeting with the scratchy hospital sheets. “What are concussed people allowed to do?”

“Rest, mostly.”

“Rest is for squares. What else?”

“Listening to podcasts, I guess?” She shifted around in her seat. “Or talking to people.”

“Let’s talk,” Cassian said eagerly. “I like talking.”

Nesta laughed through her nose. “I never would have guessed.”

[delos-mio]

Death of a Bachelor - Part 12

A/N: here we are! no major warnings i don’t think besides some angst and a lil bit of sexy talk? let me know your thoughts/feelings/predictions etc! love you all mucho.

Somehow, you agreed to let Logan take the private jet to Milwaukee. You originally insisted you buy tickets, since you invited him after all, but he wouldn’t hear it. But you suspected he just didn’t want to fly commercial more than anything. Your first PJ experience was a good one. It was nice not having to wait for a connection or feel like you were sitting on top of some sweaty old man jammed in a seat next to you. Though, you were still sitting on top of someone on this flight- it just happened to be Logan and without prying eyes to interrupt your initiation to the Mile High Club.

When you landed, there was a rental car already waiting for you. Logan grabbed your luggage and loaded up the trunk as you took your seat and texted Emily to let her know you were on your way. You smiled at Logan as he sat in the driver’s seat and started up the SUV. He turned to you, eyebrow arched, but a smile on his own lips.

“What?”

“I’m just really glad you’re here,” you confessed. Logan leaned over the arm rest to place a kiss on your forehead.

“Me too, princess. Now, where to?” he grinned, pulling away from the tarmac.

Emily and Elliot lived in the Northpoint neighborhood just on the north end of downtown proper. Logan couldn’t believe it was only a 20 minute drive from the airport, even going through downtown traffic. He was so used to the congestion around LAX and spending hours stuck on the freeway that this felt like a vacation in and of itself. You pulled up and parked in front of their small house, taking a deep breath as the engine shut off.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this? I understand if you wanna just kick me out and speed back to the airport,” you joked, hopefully hiding how scared you really were of making this very real thing between you and Logan somehow even more real.

“Sweetheart,” he said, reaching to push your hair back from your face, “I love you. And if you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of in the market for a new family. So.” You both laughed and you kissed him once before getting out of the car.

As soon as your feet hit the paved walkway up to their front door, Emily was bounding out to you, slamming her body into yours full force. The momentum made your knees buckle and you tumbled to the front lawn with her clinging to you. You could hear Logan laughing somewhere vaguely behind you.

“Hi,” Emily said finally.

“Get the fuck off me,” you grumbled as she laughed, helping you up to your feet again. You gave her a real hug this time before grabbing Logan’s hand as he approached. “Em, this is Logan. Logan, Emily,” you introduced quickly. Ever the gentleman, Logan leaned in and kissed her cheek hello and gave her one of his signature smiles.

“It’s really nice to finally meet you,” he said.

“Yeah, I’ve been hearing so much, it’s nice to put a face to the name. Come in, come in!” she waved, helping with your bags and leading you inside.

“Where the FUCK is my sis?” You heard a loud, deep voice the minute you dropped your bags on the floor. Elliot peeked around the corner and saw you, opening his arms wide. You gave him a big bear hug. He’d always been good to your sister, which made you his biggest fan. “It’s so good to see you. Missed ya.”

“Missed you too, stupid. Elliot, this is Logan,” you said, letting the two shake hands.

“Glad you guys are here. You know the way to your room,” Elliot said, clamping his hand on your shoulder. “Need any help?”

“Nah, I think we have it.” You grabbed your bags and nodded your head down the hallway, asking Logan to follow you. The guest bedroom was a small room tucked at the end of the hall with a window along the front of the house. When you heard the door shut, you turned to face Logan, his face light as he looked you over. “I know it’s not a penthouse suite,” you started, popping yourself up on the foot of the bed, “but do you think you can stand a weekend among the common people?”

Logan placed his hands on the inside of your thighs and parted them, allowing himself to stand between your legs. “You don’t give me nearly enough credit,” he said, leaning down to kiss you softly. You smiled against his lips. “Besides, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to spend the weekend with you.”

“Aw, babe,” you gushed in exaggeration. Logan groaned and rolled his eyes.

You spent the rest of the afternoon drinking and getting to know each other. Logan had made it known early on that he wanted to take everyone to dinner before Emily and Elliot had to meet with the photographer, so you got changed out of your travel clothes into a tight dress you knew Logan liked and got ready to head down town. The whole drive to Harbor House, Logan barely kept his eyes on the road, his gaze pulled to the line where your dress ended on your thighs.

“Up here, on the left,” Emily pointed from the back seat, directing Logan the last stretch of the way. When you pulled up to the valet, Emily and Elliot stepped out quickly and made their way inside while Logan came over to your door to let you out. But he blocked your exit for a moment.

“You look breathtaking, sweetheart,” he murmured low in your ear, his hand sliding over the top of your thigh, “but you’re not playing fair.”

“How so?��� you asked innocently, grabbing his wrist. You slowly slid his hand under the hem of your dress, letting his deft fingers graze the spot between your legs where your panties should be. Logan let his eyes roll back slightly as he ran a single finger through your soft folds. “Now, are you going to help me out or just stand there?”

Logan’s jaw dropped open as he drew in a sharp breath, finally pulling his hand back out and offering it to help you out of the car. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

“Hope not. I really like you,” you shrugged as you walked into the dining room hand in hand.

Harbor House had a long wine list, which always made Logan happy. He ordered a bottle for the table and made sure everyone had a full glass before proposing a toast. “To Emily and Elliot and their upcoming nuptials,” he said, raising his glass as they kissed before taking a drink.

“And hopefully you guys are next!” Emily chirped excitedly.

“Emily!” you scolded, trying to kick her under the table. “Jesus Christ,” you muttered, taking a long drink of your wine. You felt Logan’s arm come around the back of your chair, rubbing your arm tenderly. Thankfully, the comment seemed to roll off Logan’s back. There were plenty of men out there where a joke like that would send them running for the hills, but Logan stayed planted next to you.

“So, Logan, what do you do?” Elliot asked innocently. Fuck. You’d failed to mention any of the Delos drama to Emily; you’d been so concerned with helping Logan heal that you didn’t feel the need to divulge any more details than absolutely necessary. But when you peeked at Logan’s face, fearing his reaction, he was completely composed with a small smirk on his lips.

“Funny you should ask,” he started. “I guess I’m unemployed at the moment. Huh, sounds weird when I say it out loud.”

“Sorry, man. I didn’t mean to—” Elliot quickly interjected, but Logan waved off his apology.

“It’s fine. It’s not a big deal. Now I can do what I want, which isn’t something I was always allowed to do in my previous position.” Logan took another drink. “Besides, it also means I have time to jet set off to Wisconsin at the drop of a hat.” He looked over to you fondly, squeezing your shoulder.

“He’s been working on some project,” you said before tearing off a piece of bread. “I have no idea what it is, but it’s been keeping him plenty busy.” You were still trying to feel around and find out what the fuck he had up his sleeve, but he wasn’t breaking any time soon.

“Patience, love.” Logan leaned over to kiss your temple, telling you it was time to stop bringing it up for the evening.

“So tomorrow, our appointment is at 1 and I was thinking we could do brunch with the rest of the girls,” Emily said, trying to change the subject.

“Yeah, that sounds good. What are you boys going to do to stay out of trouble?” you asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I never get in trouble!” Elliot scoffed in faux offence.

“Yeah, but he does,” you joked, nodding towards Logan.

“The Bucks have a day game tomorrow if you’d want to go. Invite the rest of your groomsmen too if they don’t already have plans,” Logan suggested. Elliot’s jaw hit the table at the offer.

“I can’t let you do that, man. That’s too much.”

“Nah. Consider it my bachelor party for you,” Logan grinned.

“’Cause that makes me feel so much better about you guys staying out of trouble,” Emily laughed accompanied by a roll of your eyes. “Better than the strip club, I suppose.”

“I wouldn’t rule that out just yet,” you smiled, glancing at Logan out of the corner of your eye. He had that devilish look that made your stomach flip over and over again. You felt his free hand run along the inside of your thigh, teasing you right back.

You enjoyed the rest of your meal and wine as the sun set over Lake Michigan. Everyone was getting along like they were old friends, which did your heart a lot of good. It was so important to you that not only Logan fit into your life, but that he knew that he was loveable in every way. As the last few drops of wine were poured into your glass, Emily checked her phone.

“Shit, we have to take off or we’ll be late,” she lamented, grabbing her bag. “Sorry we have to run out like this.”

“No worries! Do you need a ride or…” you started.

“We can grab a Lyft, that’s ok.” Elliot helped her into her jacket. “Thanks again, Logan. This was too much.”

“It’s my pleasure,” he smiled.

“See you back at home?” she asked, turning back over her shoulder and you nodded. With that, they disappeared from the restaurant, leaving you and Logan alone for nearly the first time since you arrived.

“I’ve been so good all night, sweetheart,” he purred low in your ear. “When do I get to play with that perfect pussy of yours?” he asked sweetly, voice only loud enough for you to hear. Logan placed a kiss on your jaw as his fingers danced around the hem of your dress.

“Buy me a drink and watch the sunset with me. Then who knows? There may or may not be single stall bathrooms here,” you teased, letting your hand just barely ghost over the growing bulge in his pants. There was a sharp hiss as he took in a quick breath, laughing quietly.

“You always make it seem like I’m the pervert, but I don’t know,” he said, rising from his seat and taking your hand to help you up. “I think you’re the dirty one. My perfect, dirty girl,” he smirked before giving you another kiss.

You grabbed drinks from the bar and went out to the deck where other patrons were talking and watching the sun paint the water reds and oranges as it began to set. Logan placed his hand on the small of your back and you couldn’t help resting your head on his shoulder. Here you were, back in your hometown, with the man of your dreams. You were certain you’d never been as happy as you were in this moment. Logan looked just as perfect in the Midwestern sun as he did out by the ocean. There was nowhere else you wanted to be than sipping on strong drinks with him.

“Can I tell you something?” you asked quietly.

“You can tell me anything.”

“I—” you started, but your voice dropped off as a figure drew your attention from the corner of your eye. He turned to look at you, likely sensing that someone was staring. His head cocked to the side and you could see him laugh a little. “Fuck.”

“What is it, princess?” Logan asked, sensing your sudden discomfort.

“Theo’s here.” Theo. The Ex. You hadn’t seen him since you moved out to LA. You liked it that way. Seeing him now didn’t stir up anything old or lingering in you, but it made you nervous all the same. It had been years since you broke up. There was no way he’d come talk to you, right? But then he began walking towards where you stood with Logan, who had moved his hand from the small of your back to wrap around your waist a little more possessively.

“I didn’t think I’d see you again, especially not out here with all us cheese heads,” Theo laughed, moving in to embrace you. This proved difficult as Logan made no effort to release you. You gave him an awkward one-armed hug before pushing away.

“Um, yeah. Logan, this is Theo,” you said anxiously. Logan just nodded once at him, his dark eyes sizing him up from head to toe. You knew Logan wasn’t intimidated by anyone, but you could feel the jealously oozing from his pores.

“Wow. So not only are you in Milwaukee, but you’re here with a…what? Boyfriend? Husband?” he probed, clearly relishing a bit in your discomfort. So, this was a friendly reunion after all, it seemed.

“Not that it’s any of your business…” Logan muttered under his breath in a monotone, annoyed Theo was still talking to you.

“Logan,” you warned quietly.

“You think you got her figured out?” Theo half laughed. “Good luck with that. She’s not gonna let you in. That is, if she doesn’t leave you for work before that. That’s the only thing you’ve ever loved after all, right? Isn’t that what you said to me?”

“Why are you being such a dick? There’s no point in relitigating something that happened like a million years ago,” you scoffed. He wasn’t wrong, per se. You definitely said some fucked up things to him when you broke up. But you’d just assumed he had moved on like you had. It was nearly ten years ago, after all. Logan’s grip loosened as he stepped closer to Theo.

“You’re upsetting my girlfriend. I think you need to fucking go,” Logan commanded, firm in his tone.

“I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, dude,” Theo spat back, taking a step closer to Logan. The two were nearly chest to chest and if you knew Logan at all, you knew he was about 10 seconds from nailing Theo in the jaw.

“I’m the guy that’s fucking the one you let get away, so don’t make me tell you again to get the fuck out of our faces,” Logan yelled, letting venom seep in his words. His fists were gripped on the lapels of Theo’s blazer, holding his attention aggressively.

“Logan!” you screeched. That was enough to get his attention back on you. You were mortified and he could see it all over your face. Theo also took note of your expression and chucked a bit to himself.

“Have fun on the couch, buddy,” Theo winked before slinking back to wherever he came from.

“Baby, I’m—” Logan started, reaching out to grab your hand. But you’d crossed your arms before he could make contact.

“Take me home. Now.”

“Sweetheart…”

“Now, Logan.” You were over it. Yes, Theo had stepped out of his lane completely, but you didn’t need Logan to fight your battles and you certainly didn’t need him yelling vulgarities about you for everyone to hear. Logan got the car from the valet and waited for you to climb in next to him before heading back towards the house.

The majority of the drive was spent in icy silence. You were still fuming and now Logan’s indifference to discussing what just happened was making you even angrier. You leaned your head against the window and followed the line of trees outside to keep yourself from exploding at Logan. As you got closer, Logan finally cleared his throat to speak.

“Princess, will you please talk to me?”

“Hm…would you like to talk about your pissing contest with my ex or completely humiliating me by screaming about fucking me to a patio full of strangers?” you said, only looking at him out of the corner of your eye.

“Listen, I’m sorry. I just…” he started. “It fucking pisses me off hearing people talk to you like that. I can’t help my reaction sometimes.”

“Well, you need to try! Logan, you can’t just fight every guy who looks at me or calls me a shitty name. Not to mention, it’s completely disrespectful for YOU to talk about me like that too,” you sighed. Logan had pulled into the spot in front of the house and shut the engine off. You let yourself out and started heading inside.

“Baby,” he called out and you turned back to look at him over your shoulder, tears forming in your eyes.

“Just give me a minute, ok?” With that, Logan followed behind you inside. You hightailed it back to your room and flopped on the bed.

Logan shut the front door behind him, watching as you stormed down the hall. He let out a long sigh and ran his hands over his face. When he looked up, Elliot was sitting at the island in the kitchen, snacking on some cheese. The two locked eyes and Elliot motioned for Logan to come join him. Logan could use some company at the moment seeing as normally, something like this would send him to the bar or the strip club. He figured this was a healthier outlet.

“Everything good?” Elliot asked, pushing the plate out towards him.

“Yeah,” he lied. “I kind of embarrassed her after you guys left.”

“What happened?”

“Theo was there,” Logan started. Elliot made a wide eyed face, looking down toward the plate of cheese. “Yeah, exactly. And the kid was just being a fucking dick so I got all territorial and crass and…yeah. She’s not happy with me right now.”

“That kid ain’t shit anyways. She tries to be tough and all business, but as I’m sure you know, she’s a big softie deep down. She’ll forgive you,” he smiled.

“Maybe, but should she? Sometimes I just feel like…” Logan stopped and shook his head laughing to himself. Here he was, talking to a guy he just met today like they were old friends. But Logan didn’t have many friends back home and it felt nice to have a guy to talk to who already knew you well. “I love her so much. Before I met her, I didn’t think I’d ever fall in love. And, I don’t know. I get scared she’s going to figure out that she can do a lot better than me.”

“I think we’re all scared of that, man. There are still days I can’t believe Em is really going to marry me. It feels like I tricked her, you know?” The two of them laughed and Logan nodded. “But I know it’s because she loves me as much as I love her. Trust me, I get it. But between you and me? She wouldn’t have invited you here if she wasn’t serious about you.”

“You think so?” Logan asked.

“She’s a tough bitch. And I mean that in the most loving way. I’ve known her a long ass time and, yeah. You wouldn’t be here if she didn’t absolutely want you here.” Elliot took a drink of his beer and smiled at Logan.

“I think I should go do a better job apologizing,” Logan laughed. “Thanks. For listening. I’ll see you in the morning?”

“You got it, brother,” Elliot nodded.

Logan knocked softly on your bedroom door. When you didn’t answer after a moment, Logan let himself in. You were curled up on your side, nestled under the comforter, a little buzzed and half asleep. Logan changed out of his clothes from dinner and slid into the bed next to you. Tentatively, he reached around your stomach, pulling you close so your back was pressed to his chest. Once he realized you weren’t pulling away, he nuzzled into your hair before pressing a kiss to the spot just below your ear.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered low in your ear. “The last thing I want to do is embarrass you. You’re my whole world and I’m sorry I acted like a dickhead.”

You rolled around in his grip to face him, your fingers coming up to trace along his jaw. “I’m sorry too. I know it’s not fun to run into someone’s ex. I know you were just trying to defend my honor,” you joked and Logan finally cracked a smile. “I love you.”

“I love you, princess,” he breathed out, tracing circles on the bare skin of your back. “Can this be the part where we kiss and make up?” he asked, his lips just centimeters from yours. You laughed and nodded, Logan’s lips on yours the second you said yes.

[vatrixsta]

How Long Will I Love You (1/2)

PRESTO! @the-corsair-and-her-quill IT IS I, YOUR SECRET SANTA!  It was so, so fun stalking  getting to know you over the last few weeks! Because you do not love Christmas in a traditional, cheesy way, I have written you an angsty CS AU Emma who is having trouble with her husband. Yes, it’s very cheery :D Hopefully I’ve read the room right when it comes to your tastes and preferences and I REALLY REALLY hope you enjoy it!!

I’ve tried to leave the first part in an okay place, but I’m hoping to finish it off for you by the weekend at the latest. Yes, it’s the gift that unfortunately keeps on giving! 

Man, I really thought I could write this little angst bomb as a one shot, but I very much underestimated my own desire to torture poor Emma. This will be up on AO3 after I’ve... slept. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

How Long Will I Love you (1/2)

xxx

Emma Swan-Jones was absolutely positive of one thing: her husband was hiding something.

Killian was not the secretive type. He’d worn his heart on his sleeve as long as she’d known him, something that had caused them both a great deal of frustration early on in their courtship. Emma had been jaded single mother just trying to keep her and Henry’s head above water and Killian… well, he’d just been so steadfast, so sure right from the start that it had freaked her out a little. The fact that he was Henry’s favorite author? That had definitely made his job of winning her heart a hell of a lot harder.

So yes, she’d been the one pulling away, doubting, constantly testing him for the first few months of their relationship, something she felt bad about later but honestly couldn’t imagine any other way. Her walls had been sky high after, you know, her whole fucking life, being abandoned, foster care, all the people who made it clear they never wanted her and no one ever really would - then fucking Neal and prison and Henry was the only good thing she got out of all that - no way would she get a charming British rogue who spent his free time writing children’s stories about a skewed take on Peter Pan. No, that was not for her, no matter how much he tried to convince her that she and Henry were all he wanted.

Except… he had. They built a life together. They got married. They moved around for a long time, three nomads looking for a place to plant roots as Emma’s work took her wherever the leads did and Henry was all too happy to continue home study and Killian could write from anywhere. He let her read his first drafts and she let him read over her shoulder when she was researching her skips. He was constantly challenging her and annoying her and being the best stepdad to Henry and just… he wasn’t perfect, but he also kind of was? She could barely remember what life was like before their twosome became three; didn’t really want to remember. It felt like they’d always been together, the three of them, with Killian in charge of steering the ship, emotionally speaking.

Maybe that was the real problem. Emma had gotten used Killian always being the grown up in the relationship and now that he was taking up the part of the sullen, moody teenager who lied to her face when she asked him what was wrong, she didn’t know how to deal with it.

Hadn’t he read the contract between them? She was the moody teenager in the relationship, at least for a few more years, before Henry turned into an actual moody teenager.

This had to stop. She was going to stop it. Be the bigger person. Not fall back on decades of rejection and shitty emotional behavior and lose the nerve to force him to talk to her.

….

So yeah, she totally lost the nerve. Killian was sitting in the office, broodily staring at a blank computer screen and she tried to use the perfect opening.

“Hey. Are the pages not cooperating?”

It was smooth. She actually thought about it before she said it, not at all typical Emma behavior. She’d asked him about his writing before, when it seemed like he was in a bit of a funk and he’d always use the opportunity to escape for awhile, maybe take Henry to a movie or, if they were near water, to look at the boats by the harbor. Sometimes he’d compliment her - all, your boy’s a marvel, Swan, nothing like a trip to the pier with the little spitfire to knock a spot of writer’s block into the dust. Over time, it became our boy and her heart clenched with how easily the word rolled off his tongue and hers.

So his response today was somewhat underwhelming.

“What?” he asked, distracted, moody, dare she say - a bit twitchy.

Emma’s eyes narrowed. Every hackle she has was rising. But this was her husband. She trusted him. She loved him, completely. So he was having an off week. She’d had her share of them and he bore them with grace. She was not going to interrogate him like a suspect.

“Let’s go out to dinner,” she said, trying to be positive. Henry was at a sleepover and maybe he was feeling like she was - a little out of sorts without their favorite playmate. She would ignore the fact that this behavior had been going on for weeks, pretty much, she realized, since they’d settled down in Boston. “Somewhere nice, with tablecloths where you can get handsy while we overpay for whatever’s labeled market price.”

Seafood and groping - two of her husband’s favorite treats. But when his eyes flickered, it wasn’t with the normal interest and good humor she expected. If she had to name the emotion that flashed behind those blue, blue eyes of his, a split second before his whole face shuttered to a neutral expression, she’d call it guilt. Maybe even a pinch of despair.

“I’m sorry, Swan,” he said, definitely looking sorry, but not in a way she liked, “I should really keep plugging away at this.” He gestured at the keyboard with his prosthetic hand, the right scratching at the back of his neck like he had a rash.

“Yeah. Me too. I’ll make us some pasta then,” she mumbled, tucking down how much his rejection and the fact that he was lying to her hurt.

She fled to the kitchen and threw together a simple dinner neither of them really touched. He escaped back to his office as soon as he could and she went to bed early, wondering what the hell was going on with the man she married.

~~~

Henry returned from his sleepover late the next day and since it was Sunday, he reminded Killian they were supposed to check out the docks, an activity they hadn’t had time for since they moved to town. Boston was both big and small and getting to specific parts of the city sometimes took a huge chunk of time unless you were on foot. That was why they’d splurged on an apartment that was pricey but perfect and if you squinted, just within their budget - Killian had a great nest egg from the book sales and would receive an advance as soon as he’d finished the first three chapters of his next book. Emma had been saving from the moment she graduated from waiting tables to bail bonds and their combined good financial habits had secured them three bedrooms, a top floor and a glorious view of the water.

“It’ll be perfect, Swan,” Killian had said while they were still living from rental to rental. “Our first little hideaway by the sea until you retire and we can live somewhere much quieter, with fewer bail jumpers needing your always pertinent attention.”

That was back when he was still sweet talking her like usual. God, she hoped his outing with Henry would help him settle. He was always calmer by the water and the view aside, she knew he wasn’t satisfied until he’d gotten a good lungful of salt air.

She bided her time while they were out by doing laundry. Every time she passed the office - they shared it, but since his work dictated a quiet space a lot more than hers did, it was mostly Killian’s domain - she had to fight off the knee jerk urge she had to go snooping on his computer for answers. The doubt that was beginning to live in her breastbone was making it hard to remember how much she trusted Killian, like she’d never trusted anyone in her life.

The urge to snoop was definitely going to get the better of her if she stayed in the apartment, so Emma quickly bundled up and grabbed her wallet and keys. They were out of eggs and a few other essentials. Besides, it was six weeks ‘til Christmas and with all the moving drama she hadn’t bought anything for Henry or Killian. She could at least do some in person recon before she came home and ordered them stuff online.

She was putting away groceries when the apartment door banged shut.

“Hey Kid,” she greeted Henry, noticing the lack of anyone else behind him. “Where’s Killian?”

“He said he had an errand,” Henry huffed into the kitchen and noted Killian’s behavior with his usual tact and charm. “What crawled up his butt?”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Nothing. Why do you ask?”

He shrugged. “We were having a good time, we got ice cream and he was telling me about ships and Liam and it reminded me about my ancestry project for school. I asked him about his parents and he reminded me - as if I didn’t know - that he isn’t my biological father. We kind of… had a fight. He was trying to talk to me about him.”

Emma paused with the Eggos halfway to the freezer. Him. That was how Henry had referred to Neal since he was old enough to understand their history. Emma had no idea why Killian was suddenly bringing the subject up - as far as she knew, his feelings about Neal mirrored her own: if she ever ran into him in a dark alley, she’d at least bloody her knuckles on some part of his face.

“Maybe Killian was just trying to make sure you didn’t want to talk about him,” Emma offered. “I haven’t exactly done the best job of keeping you a neutral third party where he’s concerned. It would be… normal… if you were curious about your dad.” The words were like ash on her tongue, but she forced them out, mentally awarding herself ten points for Gryffindor.

Henry made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. “After what he did to you? I don’t care about him. He’s not my dad. Killian’s…” He looked down and Emma was horrified to see tears in his eyes. “I thought Killian… I guess I was wrong.”

“Hey.” Emma put her hand on Henry’s chin and pulled his head up to meet her eyes. “Killian would take a bullet for you, kid. Whatever is going on with him - it is not about you and it is not about how much he loves you. Got it?”

“Got it,” Henry mumbled, eyes still downcast. “Can I play Xbox until dinner?”

Sighing, Emma forced her stiff little boy into an embrace and kissed his forehead soundly. “Yeah. Play something nice and violent.”

He nodded against her side then trudged into his room. Emma pursed her lips.

Fuck it. She was snooping on his computer. Henry was upset by whatever the hell was wrong with him and she was done being the mature adult. Ten points from Gryffindor - maybe she’d always belonged in Slytherin after all.

xxx

All Emma got out of snooping through Killian’s laptop was a recipe for buttered rum and a knot of guilt in her stomach. His browser history was weeks old, like he hadn’t searched for anything; she even tried all the tricks she knew to find hidden tracks on a laptop - he’d really done nothing on it since before they’d moved to Boston and that included working on the new book.

Maybe his odd behavior really was as simple as an intense case of writer’s block. Maybe he was afraid to tell her, because they’d gotten this fancy apartment and with the bail bonds trade usually drying up a bit after the holidays, they’d be counting on his advance once he delivered his publisher the detailed synopsis.  

Abandoning her shitty, mistrustful wife plan, Emma headed back to the kitchen (it was possible she’d left the ice cream out to melt) but stopped when she heard not the sounds of violent bloody gore, but quiet voices coming from Henry’s bedroom.

“It’s fine,” Henry was saying in a tone that clearly indicated it was anything but.

“It’s really not,” Killian said and Emma leaned against the wall that kept her out of their line of sight but made eavesdropping on Henry’s room much easier. Hey, the view wasn’t the only reason she’d been eager for this apartment.

“I just… I guess I thought… we were a family,” Henry said, sounding so vulnerable Emma wanted to hug him and hurt Killian a little for making him sound that way.

“Henry… lad.” Then Killian sounded just as lost, just as broken, and Emma just wanted to wrap her arms around them both. “The love I have for you and your mother outweighs all the grains of sand in this or any other realm. Never doubt that.”

“Then why did you bring him up?” Henry asked. “I don’t want to do my ancestry project about him. I can’t ask Mom, because she doesn’t know who her parents are. I know yours are gone, but you knew them at least. I still want to do my project about my family.”

Killian took a deep breath. She knew well the sound of air filling his lungs from a thousand nights falling asleep with her ear pressed to his chest, a thousand moments sat across from him as he prepared himself to say something sappy or meaningful or cheeky.

“My father’s name was Brennan and my mother’s name was Alice. They married young -- too young, it turns out. He was a bastard and she would have adored spoiling you, her first grandchild, young master Henry.”

Emma bit her lip hard to keep the tears in her eyes from falling. Her boys kept speaking to one another, Henry asking questions, then telling Killian to wait, he had to write this down, and Killian detailing as much of his history as he could - the small English village he was born into, the Jones line before him (he’d never known his grandparents and unfortunately couldn’t be of much help further back, but he did delight Henry by informing him they were rumored to be descended from the Davey Jones) and any other detail that came to mind. Emma was pretty sure he was making at least some of it up, but it was a fifth grade ancestry project and she’d punch any teacher who gave Henry less than an A for the yarn he was about to spin.

Deciding she’d had enough of this emotional roller coaster, Emma spent some time researching a skip - he was slippery and she might have to go out of town for a few days to nab him. With Killian and Henry on an even keel, she felt a lot better about the prospect.

A solid hour of research confirmed her suspicion - Travis the douchebag had fled to Rhode Island and was stupid enough to still be using his own credit cards. He had also already set up a new Tinder profile. Emma would drive the Bug to the most recent hit she had on his card and let the tight red dress on her Tinder profile do the rest of the location job for her.

She’d leave in the morning. She wanted to spend the night with her boys first.

They were still in Henry’s room, though ancestry talk had morphed into the video game Killian hated playing the least, something with knights and quests. They were spread out on Henry’s small full bed and Emma took a flying leap between them, forcing them to either dive out of the way and lose a life or accept her full weight.

Naturally they both took the hit, their characters living to fight another day.

“Oi! Swan,” Killian complained.

“Jesus, Mom,” Henry added, sounding much more parental than she ever did.

“Third controller,” she demanded.

Henry hooked the wire with his foot and launched it at her. She caught it easily and entered the game when it let her. Every time she did something Killian or Henry couldn’t, she elbowed them until Killian finally called for a mutiny. He and Henry ganged up on her, assaulting her with tickling fingers and raspberries, the game abandoned and Emma feeling lighter than she had in weeks.

xxx

“I have to go to Rhode Island tomorrow,” Emma said later that night after they’d settled into bed. Killian seemed to be keeping a little more distance between them than was customary and he was also wearing his prosthetic to bed, which he never did.

“Hmm?” Killian responded, irking her because apparently he wasn’t even listening to her.

“I’m going away tomorrow,” she repeated, turning on her side to face him. He was staring at the ceiling, the black t-shirt he wore getting in the way of her favorite pillow, his chest hair. Come to think of it, he’d been withholding her favorite pillow for awhile now. She’d been so exhausted by the move that she’d basically fallen asleep as soon as her head hit an actual pillow.

He finally turned to face her. “Where are you going?”

“Rhode Island,” she repeated. “I’ve got a hit on a skip. It’ll be a nice payday for the holidays.”

“That’s good,” he said, nodding a bit, mostly to himself, it seemed.

“I’ll be gone a few days, most likely,” she added, frowning when he just nodded again. “I’ll miss you, too,” she said sarcastically, before turning her back on him, half curling into a ball of confused anger and sadness.

“Swan,” he muttered.

“Save it,” she said. “If you’re not going to tell me the truth, I don’t want to hear it.”

Several moments passed, so many that she really thought he was going to remain silent. Then, so quietly she might have missed it if she hadn’t been listening so carefully, he spoke.

“Have you ever woken up one morning and felt like an utter fraud?” he asked.

Her frown deepened. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she asked. “Is this about the book?”

“I wish it were about the bloody book, Swan,” he muttered, his his breath close enough that she could feel it puffing against the bare skin of her shoulder. “Just go to sleep.”

“Killian--”

“You’re leaving in the morning, in that deathtrap of yours - I’d like you to be rested before you get on the road. It’s an icy drive this time of year.” He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her back against him and she rested her head against his other arm. He was still keeping her at a distance, but she could feel his concern, his affection, even through such a strange distance. Her mind replayed his declaration to Henry, the passion and conviction in his voice as he’d vowed his love for them both. He hadn’t been lying.

Why the hell would her husband think he was a fraud?

xxx

Emma debated bailing on the trip, but forcing Killian to talk when he clearly wasn’t ready to had never lead anywhere good. So she kissed him and Henry both on the forehead, made them promise to text her updates while she was gone and headed out. Killian had gotten up earlier than she had to make sure the snow chains were on the Bug’s tires and he’d filled the tank up with gas, something she routinely forgot to do until she was already on the road.

Her first night in Rhode Island, Emma logged onto her fake Tinder profile, the one that let her breasts and a tight red dress do all the advertising necessary to pick up any creep in a fifty mile radius. It only took about a hundred left swipes for her mark to pop up and she reluctantly swiped right.

Henry’s text (a picture of the breakfast Killian made him and a row of sad face emojis) interrupted her briefly; she replied that egg whites and salmon were good for a growing boy. Killian’s text (a simple “The boy’s been fed well and sent off to school; come home safe, Swan”) intensified that ache in her chest and she fired off a quick heart emoji in reply. If she started actually texting words, she was afraid word vomit would soon follow and she needed to concentrate on nabbing this dirtbag.

Her skip was laughingly easy to lure but not so seamless to capture. They scuffled outside the restaurant, Emma tackling and handcuffing the guy after a graceless fall sent them both to the icy ground. It was only after she’d handed him off to local law enforcement that she noticed how badly she scraped up her wrist. She rinsed it off in the motel bathroom, but immediately changed into traveling clothes. It was late, but there wouldn’t be traffic at this hour and she’d be home, in bed with her husband, in less than ninety minutes.

Unfortunately, being alone with her thoughts on a long drive and no case to think about meant Emma had little to do but consider Killian’s odd behavior.

When she added it all up - attempting to remind Henry they weren’t actually father and son, the guilt in his eyes, the disinterest in sex, feeling like a fraud - her stomach clenched at the most obvious conclusion: Killian was cheating on her.

Maybe it wasn’t physical. Maybe it was only one time and he didn’t know how to confess. Maybe he had fallen in love with someone else and felt guilty about wanting to leave them. Leave her. Maybe he was only staying for Henry. Maybe he just didn’t know how to tell her he’d made a mistake by marrying her, the same mistake her first foster family had made by wanting to adopt her, only to send her back when she was three.

Emma’s wrist was starting to ache as much as it stung and she worried it might be sprained on top of the scraping. Her vision was also getting blurry, which meant she was probably crying and that always pissed her off, so she used her injured hand to angrily wipe her eyes clear.

If Killian had decided she wasn’t enough, that he wanted something else - that was fine. It would hurt Henry, but they could survive. They were just fine when it was the two of them and they could be a family of two again.

Something hollow started forming in her chest at the thought of no more Killian - no more sullen hours trying to get the words right only to emerge victorious and tumble her into bed to celebrate, no more healthy breakfasts to send them off for the day with ‘vim and vigor,’ no more grown up in the house, no more feeling safe with someone, no more forgetting what it felt like to be a lonely, unwanted little ugly duckling again.

Fucking tears. She was going to get into an accident if she didn’t get a grip on her emotions, but it was impossible when it felt like her whole world was caving in on itself. Killian didn’t lie to her. If he was lying now, it meant… it had to mean something bad, given how long it had gone on, given all the other signs. She wouldn’t be able to make it another night wondering about this. As soon as she got home, she was ripping off the Band-Aid - even if it took several layers of skin with it.

She made a lot of noise coming in the front door, kicking her boots off and leaving them in a messy, wet heap just inside, the way Killian hated. She draped her coat over a chair and caught a look at herself in the mirror by the door - her makeup had run due to all the crying (waterproof my ass) and her hair was pulled back into a severe ponytail, which just made her face look even more gaunt.

“You’re home early.” Killian’s soft voice drifted from the living room and her shoulders hunched in on themselves at the sound of it. The sound of his feet encased in those warm, fuzzy socks Henry loved brought him closer. “Did you get your man?”

Emma turned to look at him and wanted to cry even harder. He was wearing a soft black sweater, one of the many new items they’d purchased for the frigid Boston weather. The dark color made his eyes look even bluer, or maybe that was all the lights she’d just noticed he and Henry must have hung up while she was gone, their whole apartment transformed into a cozy winter wonderland. Like a real family lived here. Like he was planning to stick around until Christmas.

She felt fucking crazy.

“You're hurt,” he said, eyes obviously ticking over her to figure out what was causing her mental breakdown. He moved quickly, his right hand pushing a piece of hair that had escaped her punishing ponytail back behind her ear, thumb skimming over her cheek to trace the black tear track that made it all the more obvious she’d been crying. His eyes were still moving over her face furiously and when he realized she hadn’t been punched or visibly concussed (wouldn’t be the first time) he started scanning the rest of her.

His ex-naval captain’s eagle eye narrowed in on her wrist in a snap and her hand was soon cradled between his right and his prosthetic. He made a tsking sound (chastising her for using water as a disinfectant again) and leaned forward to kiss her forehead, the way he always did when she was hurting. The tears came again but she didn’t try to fight them. He made soft shushing sounds and cradled her hand against his chest protectively, letting her cry it out for a few minutes before gently ushering her into the bathroom.

Emma sat on the sink so he wouldn’t have to crouch and Killian pulled the Neosporin out of the medicine cabinet. He used his teeth to open the bottle then curled her hand over his prosthetic to hold her still. Carefully, he applied the disinfectant, knowing how prone she was to kicking when something stung her. Once he’d gotten a good, thick layer applied, he reached for the gauze.

“Do you think it’s sprained as well?” he asked.

She nodded, unable to make her vocal cords worked and he fetched an ace bandage from the emergency room drawer as well.

“You should get an X-Ray,” he said.

“Maybe,” she agreed, her voice sounding like she’d been crying over a half broken heart for the last hour.

They both knew she wasn’t going to get an X-Ray, but she really, really loved him for worrying about her.

“This is how we met,” she said quietly as he leaned forward, using his teeth to hold one end of the gauze so his right hand could smooth it down.

His gaze snapped up to hers, a wary look in them, and her eyebrows scrunched together. “Remember? My timeless grace?”

If he didn’t even remember how they met, he wouldn’t have to leave her - she was going to kill him.

Killian blinked and nodded slowly, as if the memory was replaying in his mind. He cleared his throat before speaking. “You were carrying drinks for you and Henry. Slipped on a patch of ice. Tore your palm up.”

“You bandaged it with your scarf and tied one end with your mouth. Very ballsy for a total stranger,” she added with an affectionate nudge to his hip with her knee.

“I’m nothing if not bold,” he agreed.

“I never even saw you coming,” she confided. “All those walls and that cynicism and keeping everyone out and I never even saw you coming. I wanted to run so far and so fast from you and I still wanted to jump your bones.”

He scoffed. “You thought I was annoying. And possibly a stalker.”

“I still wanted to jump your bones,” she said. They shared a laugh, but she sobered fast. “I know I did run away after that. I know I… didn’t make it easy.”

Was that it? Was she still more difficult than she thought? Emma thought she’d gotten better at letting him in, that she’d let him all the way in, but maybe… maybe he just got tired of it. Of her. Everyone did eventually, everyone but Henry.

“Emma… I don’t like easy,” he said with that grave tone he sometimes got when he wanted to make sure she understood him. “A man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets. You have always been worth the fight of my life, darling. Always.”

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead, a soft, reverent thing that made her cry again. He brought her bandaged hand to his mouth, kissed the back of it, her palm, her wrist, the patch of skin on her forearm left bare from his first aid work.

“Do… do I need to fight for you?” she asked, the quiet, scared question nothing like the rage she’d planned to unleash on him during her drive. Funny how Killian being Killian could disarm her in the blink of an eye.

“Oh, luv,” Killian muttered, pressing his forehead to hers. “I have been yours from the moment we met. It just took me a little while to realize it. You’ve done nothing wrong, Emma. I’m sorry. I know I’ve been… I’ll be better.”

“I don’t need you to be better. I need you to be you. I need you to want to be here.”

“I do,” he vowed and that was exactly what it was: a vow. “There is nowhere else for me but by your side, Swan.”

“You’re confusing me,” she whispered, like it was a secret.

“I’m confusing me,” he assured her. “Please just… give me a little time? To figure a few things out?”

Emma sighed. It wasn’t the resolution she wanted, but she felt oddly lighter. They hadn’t talked about anything specific, but already her earlier fears felt ridiculous. Most of them, anyway. At least he wasn’t pretending things were fine - he’d given her months of space to realize she was in love with him in the beginning. She could give him a few weeks now, to figure out whatever was going on in that ridiculously attractive head of his.

“You’ve got four weeks ‘til Christmas,” she grumbled. “I want my husband front and center by then, got it, buddy?”

So she wasn’t nearly as patient or understanding as he was. He knew what he was getting into.

His grin at her words indicated that he did and that he still found her rather charming.

She could live with that. For now.

[ebhenah]

Klancemas 2018 December 3: Ice Skating

 @monthlyklance

Klancemas 2018

“Tumbleweed”

Dec 3: Ice Skating

It was their First Christmas (which was important enough to warrant capitalization!) since they started seeing each other and over the months they’d been ‘officially’ dating, Lance had discovered that Keith had been sorely lacking in romantic moments in his lifetime. There were some that everyone just HAD to experience, and Lance had made it his personal mission to make sure that Keith got to do every cheesy, sappy ‘classic’ date he could humanly manage.

In the time since they’d started actually dating (instead of just hooking up at random intervals) back in April, he’d enlisted the help of pretty much everyone he knew to cross some of the trickier ‘special’ dates off his list- like apple picking, and finding a state fair with a tunnel of love, and now- tracking down the most romantic spot to go ice skating. Well, technically the most romantic spot to go ice skating that ALSO rented ice skates… because he wasn’t shelling out the money to BUY two pairs of ice skates for a single date.

Still, he was excited. So far, all of the ‘special’ dates have been… nice. Really nice. They haven’t really been as perfect as he would like, but real life isn’t a rom-com, despite his best efforts… Plus, Keith doesn’t have as much of a romantic streak as he does. He’s been holding out hope that that is mainly because Keith hasn’t really had the chance or inclination to NURTURE a romantic streak and that one might… kind of… take root in that cynical heart of his.

It was a small hope… but a tenacious one.

And the special dates HAVE been good ones. They’ve had fun. They’ve gotten closer. Keith had stopped saying that Lance was making a ‘big fuss for no reason’. In fact, the last ‘classic’ had been a walk through the park looking at the leaves and getting hot chocolate together and that had been AWESOME! They’d had a blast and when stopping to drink the chocolate and watch the early sunset had meant getting chilly, they’d snuggled up together and Keith had been so relaxed and happy that he hadn’t even scowled when Lance had called him ‘cute’.

This time, he’d actually let Lance blindfold him. Actually, the first miracle was that he’d agreed to let Lance DRIVE… then he’d agreed to the blindfold with hardly more than a sigh and an eyeroll. That was… kind of mind-blowing, actually.

“Do you have, like, hints for me to try to decipher?” Keith asked as Lance parked the car.

“Nope,” Lance answered, smiling hugely, “and you can take the blindfold off now. We’re here.”

“Before I do- this isn’t some kind of ambush is it? I’m not going to take this off and get hit with some weird version of ‘this is your life’ or anything?”

“What? No! But, that’s an awesome idea! I am going to have to put that in the ol’memory bank,” he laughed, leaning in to kiss his boyfriend softly, tugging the blindfold off, “it’s just us. A real DATE- me and you and nobody else, see?”

“Are we…” he looked around, the spot was obscenely pretty. Snow covered the branches of tons of old-growth trees, sparkling and filtering the sun into little pockets of  dancing light. There was a stream nearby, just big enough to keep from freezing over and close enough that they could hear it ‘babbling’ even in the car. There were a few wrought iron benches scattered among the trees, populated by people feeding the winter birds. At the end of the parking lot, sat a small bank of bleachers that looked to be made of halved logs, and a little building that was decorated like a gingerbread house and sported two signs: ‘Rentals’ and ‘Returns’. “Are we at an outdoor rink? We’re going skating?”

“We’re going skating!” Lance repeated, with the proper level of excitement thankyouverymuch!

“Is this one of your whole ‘I learned how to date from Hallmark movies’ things?”

Lance rolled his eyes, “I don’t watch HALLMARK movies!”

“This seems like a Hallmark movie thing,” Keith said levelly.

“Since I don’t watch Hallmark movies, I will have to defer to your CLEARLY more educated opinion,” he teased, “since you’ve obviously watched enough of them to spot the supposed similarity from the parking lot.”

“You’re really not as funny as you think you are,” Keith muttered, reaching for the door handle.

“No! It’s a date, and I drove- so I have to get your door for you,” he insisted, hopping out of the car. He could see Keith shaking his head as he rounded the vehicle and opened the passenger side door.

“You are ridiculous with this stuff,” Keith said, but Lance could see the smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He hated to admit it, but Keith really loved it when Lance treated him like he was ‘important or something’ (because he WAS. Keith was very important to him!).

“I am a gentleman,” he argued, slipping his hand into Keith’s as they headed to the rental office, “you are just going to have to get used to that… and that means, I get the door when I drive. It means I walk you to your door at the end of the night…”

“Lance, you walk me to my door at the end of the night because you are SPENDING the night,” Keith laughed.

“But even if I WASN’T, I’d still walk you to your door and say good-night and make sure you were safely inside before I left,” he pointed out, “and maybe leave out the whole spending the night bit if my Mom ever asks if I am being a gentleman.”

“We’ve been dating for MONTHS, Lance… you are the youngest of five kids- your mother is well aware that we are having sex.”

Lance gasped, eyes wide with horror as he turned to Keith, “take that back! My Mom thinks I am an absolute angel! Pure as the driven snow! Nope. Nuh-uh. I refuse to accept that she even SUSPECTS anything else.”

“What’s… happening here? Is this you being in denial?” He asked, brow creasing with confusion, “or is this you being grossed out by the idea that your Mom knows you aren’t a virgin?”

“Stop it!”

“C’mon Lance, be serious,” he chuckled, “she’s a grown woman, she knows how things work!”

“I’m not listening!” He dropped Keith’s hand to clamp both of his over his ears, “lalalalalalalalalalala I can’t hear you!”

“Lance! You are TWENTY years old!” He was on the verge of cracking up, “and your mom is always going on about how handsome you are and what a heartbreaker you were and how ‘all the girls loved’ you… be serious!”

“No! Shhh! Stop talking!” He gave up on the ineffective tactic of covering his ears, choosing the much more rewarding one of kissing Keith until they BOTH forgot what they were talking about.

Keith laughed into the kiss, which was something he’d only started doing recently and that Lance kind of loved. Because he thought it meant that Keith was relaxing with him a bit. Trusting him more. Sometimes, early on, it had felt like he was courting a porcupine or something- one wrong move would trigger a defensive response that could really hurt. Lately though… probably since… ohhh yeah, since Keith had dragged him camping on Labor Day Weekend… things had been… mellower. He’d been less guarded. More affectionate.  So, lately, Lance could do this… kiss him and know that they’d be able to get lost in it for a bit- without losing track of where they were and who might see and start heading down a path that was very much not fit for public viewing.

“You are adorable,” Keith said as the kiss broke, “Loverboy-Lance horrified to think that his Mami knows that he likes to fuck.”

“Keith!” he squawked, head whipping around to make sure there were no kids in the vicinity. “Public!”

“I’m not a complete jackass, Lance,” he chuckled, “I did CHECK for people nearby before I said that.”

“Can we just talk about something else?” Lance sighed, “like.. ANYTHING else?”

“Okay, sure,” he caught Lance’s hand and squeezed it, “I didn’t want to upset you. You know that right? I just… I think it’s funny how much it means to you that she thinks you are… how did you phrase it? ‘Pure as the driven snow’? It’s sweet, though… really.”

Lance huffed, but he rubbed his thumb over Keith’s hand, “sometimes I forget… because you are one of like six people who knows what my life was like in space, who understands about being a Paladin and everything we went through… but THIS… I forget that you and I had very different lives before Voltron.”

“It’s okay Lance,” he said, smiling at him, “I really like your family- your Mom, especially. I love how close you guys are. I just… it’s so different from my relationship with my mother.”

“Yeah, you and Krolia have kind of a unique relationship,” he said, brushing his lips along Keith’s jaw. “It’s awesome, but…”

“Yeah,” his smile was sad, “maybe if we hadn’t been pulled apart by the war, I’d understand better.”

“I love you,” he said softly, “you know that, right?”

“I do,” Keith answered, “and I love you, too… and weren’t we supposed to be ice skating?”

Lance blinked, “oh my god… we need to get our skates!”

He laughed, “you completely forgot, didn’t you?”

“You’re distracting,” he muttered. “Come on,” Lance tugged on his hand, dragging him over to the counter.

It didn’t take long to get situated with skates and before he knew it they were stepping out onto the ice. “So, is the rom-com date just the ice skating? Or is there like a flashmob waiting for some secret cue?” Keith asked, gliding backwards on the ice to make room for Lance.

“Just the skating,” he chuckled, “no flash mob. I mean, I THOUGHT about a flash mob, but… I figured you’d dump me on the spot if I tried.”

“I wouldn’t dump you for something like that,” Keith replied, laughing along with him, “I knew you were an overly dramatic romantic before I fell in love with you. Just like you knew I was a moody loner before you fell in love with me. You wouldn’t dump me for acting like a moody loner, right?”

“Of course not,” Lance smiled at him, stepping tentatively onto the ice and grabbing Keith’s hand, “you’re MY moody loner. I love you just the way you-” Suddenly, he was lying on his back, staring up into Keith’s concerned face.

“Are you alright?” Keith asked, “did you hit your head?”

“Ummm.. yeah, I’m ok. The only thing hurt is my pride,” he flashed a charming smile, sitting up.

“Rusty, huh?”

“I didn’t THINK I was- I was rollerblading most of the summer.”

Keith braced, holding his hand out to help Lance to his feet, only to have him fall again. “Rollerblading? Lance? How long has it been since you were ICE skating?”

Lance’s smile was sheepish, “ummm… never? But blades are blades, right? It’s all just skating.”

“You have NEVER been ice skating?” Keith echoed, “darlin’, why would you pick THIS as a date if you don’t know how to skate?”

“I DO know how to skate! I roller blade all the time, I can even DANCE in old school roller skates!”

“Quiznak,” Keith sighed, dropping into a surprisingly stable crouch, “this is a lot LIKE roller skating or rollerblading, but it’s not the same. Being able to one doesn’t mean you can do the other. You really never learned how to ice skate?”

“If I HAD, I’d be gliding gracefully around the rink with you, not sitting on my ass on the ice, Keith,” he pointed out dryly. “I figured I’d be the one helping YOU- the guy from the desert!”

“Charities LOVE to spring for kids in the system to have big ice skating parties during the holidays,” he explained “I used to go ice skating a few times a year when I was a foster kid. I can teach you, if you like?”

“You can?”

Keith shrugged one shoulder, “yeah. I’ve taught a bunch of kids over the years. It’s not that hard… especially since you are used to rollerblades. Think of it like… um… learning a new weapon. Revolvers and sniper rifles are different in a lot of ways, but they are both GUNS right? The basic principles still apply. Aim. Breathe. Prepare for the kickback. Squeeze, don’t pull the trigger. Etc.”

Lance smiled, touched at the offer and at how Keith was trying to find a comparison to a skillset that Lance, specifically, was confident in. “I would LOVE it if you taught me how to skate,” he answered.

“Alright, first step is to get you up on your feet again,” Keith answered, “c’mon tumbleweed.”

It took Lance about an hour to get the hang of staying upright and moving forward with enough confidence and grace that he no longer clung to Keith like a lifeline. Keith was notoriously hot-tempered, but he was an incredibly patient and supportive teacher. He never got frustrated or cranky, even those times when Lance pulled or knocked him to the ice when he’d fall.

They spent a surprising amount of time laughing, and even more time talking. Keith had quickly figured out that over-thinking was Lance’s biggest downfall. If his mind was occupied with something else, he’d relax and let his body self-correct without stiffening up or jerking. If he was trying to concentrate on the skating, he seemed to completely bypass his own natural grace.

STOPPING on his own still seemed like an impossible dream, but Lance wasn’t really complaining about the way Keith would catch him in his arms and slow them both down to a stop while he skated backwards. He also was definitely NOT complaining about the soft praise and encouraging little kisses Keith doled out once they did stop moving.

The little countdown buzzer they’d been given to track their rental time went off much sooner than Lance had expected and Keith gently guided him back to the little bank of bleachers by the rental office so they could change back into their regular boots.

“This was NOT how I was expecting this date to go,” Lance laughed as they waited in line for the bizarrely small return window to give back the skates. “Did you have fun?”

“I always have fun on our dates,” Keith answered, “I always have fun with YOU, Tumbleweed. Even when we aren’t on a date.”

“Aww… look at you being all sweet and borderline romantic. Here, hand me your skates, I’ll pass them both in together.” He let go of Keith’s hand to collect the skates, handing both pairs over and signing the log book that tracked the rentals. He commented on them using old school pen and paper and how he thought it was cute. The teenager just nodded, a weird smile on her face. Even after all this time, he STILL wasn’t used to the strange pseudo-celebrity status he had as a Paladin of Voltron. It just  always felt WEIRD when someone recognized him, but he was raised to be polite so he just smiled at the kid and didn’t mention the awkwardness.

“Alright,” he said, stuffing his gloves into his pocket and turning back to Keith, “let’s head back to the… what?” He looked around, like scanning the area would somehow change what he saw in front of him. Keith. On one knee. A ring box in his hand. “Oh my god… Keith!”

“Lance,” Keith purred, his voice quiet and sure and steady, even though Lance could see in his eyes how nervous he was, “we’ve been dating for, like eight months, and I know a lot of people would think that wasn’t very long… but you and I… we are so much more than those eight months. We’ve been through the worst stuff the universe could throw at us, watching each other’s backs and working together. We got off to a bit of a rocky start, but it didn’t take long for us to get past that. We are such a good team. You bring out the best in me. I like to think I bring out the best in you. I’m happiest with you. I… make SENSE when I’m with you. I hope I make you just as happy. I hope you want to give me the chance to do that for the rest of our lives. I have loved you for so long, even when you drive me crazy, even when you don’t make sense to me. I was away from you for two years and it didn’t lessen that love, like, at all. You SEE me. ALL of me… and you love me.” He opened the ring box to reveal a very simple silver (white gold? Platinum? Some kind of alien metal? He couldn’t tell the difference.) band with a tiny pearl flanked by two rubies inset in the metal. “Will you please be my husband?”

Lance had been crying since Keith had said his name the first time. Seeing that ring box had rendered him speechless, which was good, because it meant that he hadn’t interrupted Keith’s little speech. How had he ever thought that this man wasn’t a romantic? Apparently, he just saved up the romance for the big moments.

“Lance?”

“What? Oh!” he shook himself out of his state of shock. “Oh my God! Yes! Of course, yes! Yes, I’ll marry you! Oh my God! Keith!”

Keith stood, pulling Lance into his arms for a passionate kiss as the people around them erupted into cheers.

After a moment, Keith pulled back, taking the ring out of the box and slipping it on his finger, “the pearl because you love the ocean. One ruby for your birthday, because you being born changed my life. The other for Red… because we wouldn’t be us without Voltron, and we’ve both been her paladin.”

“Oh my God,” he whispered again, awed, “it’s perfect. You are perfect… perfect for me. The perfect boyfrie-I mean, the perfect fiance. I love you, Keith Kogane. So much. I can’t wait to marry you!”

[voldiebuns]

HalLUDOween!!

So last weekend I went to HalLUDOween, aka Ludo's one night only, first time in six years concert! They're my favorite band and since I didn't think I'd ever get to hear them again in concert, of course I had to go. Even if it was in St. Louis, an approximately 11 hour drive from home lol But @biffelderberry and I figured it would be worth it, and it so was :D

We started out early Friday morning since it was going to be a long drive and we had to pick up a rental car since neither of our cars was up to such a drive. Of course we found out like an hour into the drive that the model we got had had a recall put out that very morning, but thankfully we didn't have any problems with it. The drive was actually not too bad, despite being so long and being mostly a drive through boring wilderness. We'd put together an approximately 13 hour playlist, so we had plenty of music to sing along with. And we made lots of stops at Taco Bell so I could get their potato tacos bc I'm apparently obsessed lol I ended up eating Taco Bell for every meal Friday, which was probably not a good idea, but it tasted fucking awesome.

(Me, left, and Biff at the beginning of the drive.)

Made it to the hotel around 8 maybe. There were two guys from Chicago in the check in line in front of us who we think may have been there for the concert as well, but the cool part was when we went down to breakfast in the morning, we met two other ppl who were there for the concert! They were from Wisconsin and California, so it was cool to talk to them for a bit about how much we all love Ludo and were so happy we were getting to see them again. We'd planned to use most of Saturday to explore St. Louis, since we'd come so far anyway. We'd wanted to do a ghost tour, but that didn't end up working out, but we did do a few other cool things. We went to an antiques store where we couldn't afford anything, but it still had some really interesting stuff. Then we went over to Grand Street, which I gather is kind of the popular downtown street. We ate at Lulu's Local Eatery, which is a small, hippster-y vegan place. I got the mac n cheese and Biff got the sliders, both of which were fucking delicious. Also very filling, which was a little disappointing bc we'd hoped to share the carnitas loaded tots after lol After that we went to a nearby comic book store. The owner was super nice and we talked to him about Ludo a bit (I was wearing my Ludo shirt) bc apparently everyone in town knew about this concert lol He'd had some other ppl in earlier who were going, I think from New York? Or maybe Arizona. We basically spent the whole weekend hearing from ppl in town about ppl coming in from out of state for the concert. Anyway, after that we did a little more walking around, mostly bc we wanted to look at all the pretty trees, and then went to Walmart to pick up some food (they have a So Delicious cashew milk chocolate cookies and cream ice cream that is to die for!). And crosstitching stuff bc Biff wanted to do an AO3 inspired bookmark design, and I thought it sounded fun as well. Also got some face masks bc why not. Which actually turned out not to be the best idea... When we got back to the hotel, I tried out my clay mask and it didn't go well. I did put a little too much water in it, but I don't think that accounts for how I apparently had an allergic reaction to it. Seriously, when I took it off, I looked like I had a rash all over my face. Thankfully my makeup skills were enough to cover it up, but I did end up sitting with a cool cloth on my face for awhile just to be sure the only reaction was the rash. Here's a picture of me post concert with half my makeup wiped off (the red side was waaaay better than when I first took off the mask):

So got ready, blah blah blah. And then it was time for the concert!! Costumes were encouraged, but since we didn't actually bring any, we just dressed up. My outfit of the night, which I loved bc I'd been waiting for an excuse to wear that crop top:

We took a Lyft to and from the venue since we didn't want to deal with parking or driving back at who knew what time. Which was probably a good thing bc the whole area around there was packed. More so for the second show, where the lines were literally down the block, but even for the first show. Bc of my trying to deal with a sudden allergic reaction rash, we were running a little late, so we got there like halfway through the opener. He was pretty good from what we heard, so I'll probably look up his music at some point. We had assigned seats in the balcony, which I was really glad of even if they cost more than GA down below. We would have had to get there hours early to get a good place there and would have had to stand, which I really am not up to for long amounts of time. But our seats were actually really good and we had a fantastic view of the stage. Except for the railing being right at eye level lol Since the concert was Halloween themed, they of course had some Halloween elements for the stage and their costumes. There were a couple of big, glowing blow up ghosts on either side of the stage. When the show started, about a dozen ppl came out in sheet ghost costumes and ran away around for awhile until it was just the band and they took off the sheets to show they were wearing skeleton onesies. Which I really really want one of now tbh.

Here's the vid I took of the intro. It was honestly so so awesome to see them in concert again. The first and only time I saw them before was in 2011, which was right before they basically broke up (ie they all just drifted away to other things and the band was no more). They did pretty much the song set that I'd been expecting, though there were a couple of things they sang that I hadn't expected. (They'd done a poll on twitter with Topek, Girls on Trampolines, and a couple of others, so since Topeka won I wasn't expecting them to play Girls on Trampolines.) And they did my top three favorite songs of theirs! Including Andrew going solo on my absolute favorite, Horror of Our Love! I took a vid of that too of course, which you can prob hear both Biff and I singing along to. They ended the concert with a cover of the Ghostbusters theme song and having a bunch of kids come out to throw candy to the crowd, which was a fun way to end it. There was no new music, aside from the two covers they did, which I think all of us had been hoping for. Even though we knew it was unlikely since the week before was the first time they'd all been in a room together in years. Still, the music and the experience of being part of the crowd was just as fantastic as last time. So yeah, the concert was amazing all around and totally worth the ridiculous drive :D After, we went down the block to the merch store, bc there was definitely no way I was leaving without something. We stood out in the cold for an hour waiting in line, which was fine except for the couple behind us was being really critical of the show and really annoying. We found out the reason it was taking so long was that the band was in the merch store talking to fans and signing stuff and taking pictures, which I hadn't expected. Of course their handler started telling them they needed to leave basically as soon as we got up to the front of the line. But! They were being pretty slow about it bc they wanted to keep talking to the fans, so Matt, the drummer, ended up at the door at the same time we were and he gave us hugs! He also said thanks for coming again, which made it sound like he recognized us? But idk. Anyway, as awesome as that was, the best part was apparently the girl behind us really wanted a hug from him and we were the last ones he hugged before leaving. Vengeance is sweet :D Anyway, I ended up with a t-shirt and a poster for the concert, plus a couple smaller ones from previous tours that they were giving away for free. There was a really cool tree print that I wish I would have gotten, so I hope they put that up online. There was a vinyl of the last CD as well that I wanted, but I really didn't feel like I could justify that as well. Maybe they'll put it up online too.

We took a Lyft back, which was a bit of an experience bc we had to cross the street to get to our ride and some asshole apparently was tired of waiting in traffic and tried to speed around while we were in the crosswalk. He stopped in time, but Biff really thought he was going to hit me :/ But we made it back to the hotel safely and met the lady from breakfast again. We ended up talking to her for awhile, which was fun bc she's been following the band for a long time and is apparently knows them personally bc of that. Sunday morning we slept in a bit bc we'd been out so late. We were both very glad we had decided not to drive home that day lol We went back out to Grand Street and had lunch at Lemongrass, a Vietnamese place there. I got the tofu summer roll and sesame tofu, and the sesame tofu was seriously good omg. After that we did some more walking and went to a bookstore we'd seen on Saturday. It was really cool and had a pretty fantastic variety of stuff spread out over three levels. We met a local Ludo fan there (we were both wearing the shirts we bought) who hadn't gotten to go to the concert and talked to her a little. Afterward we went over to the St. Louis Art Museum since they were supposed to have a textiles exhibit that sounded really interesting. We didn't end up finding it, and we only got to stay about half an hour before they closed, but it was still really fun. Plus they had some gorgeous views out front, some beautiful fall maples, and a statue of, apparently, Saint Louis.

We thought about going to the zoo after that, since it was literally across the street, but they were having some Halloween event and there were hundreds of small children everywhere. We decided that wasn't something we wanted to deal with lol So we went and picked up lunch from Fred and Ricky's Plant Delicious Foods, a lttle vegan grab and go place, instead and took it to eat at the hotel. The food was pretty good, though probably the best part is that I found out they ship nationwide, so I can order from there sometime if I want. Which is nice bc we really don't have many vegan places here. Monday it was time to leave. Because the drive home was long and we had to get back before the rental place closed at six, we got up at 5 am to head out. It wasn't too terrible, but we were definitely still tired. And I fell coming down the stairs with my suitcase and bruised my ass. It still hurts :/ Drive home seemed longer than the one there, probably bc I didn't really want to be going home lol It's so interesting how every time I go away for a fun weekend, it hits me when I get back how much I hate living at my house and in my city and in Texas in general. So I guess good motivation to try to find a way to move out sooner rather than later. So the weekend was fantastic! There were a few other places we would have liked to go, like the City Museum and some more vegan restaurants, but overall we hit some good places and had a lot of fun. Plus just the landscapes up there were so so pretty. We don't have trees like that in Texas lol But we're definitely thinking of going back to St. Louis sometime to see some more stuff. And maybe see Ludo again, if this concert was a sign of things to come! But of course it coudn't be all good. My throat was feeling a bit scratchy on the way home Monday, and by Tuesday I was pretty sick. Thankfully I had the whole week off plus Monday and Tuesday this week (I'd been hoping to go to a Star Trek meet up this weekend, but I couldn't afford it after all). I'm hoping I'm well by the time I go back to work, but it's been kind of a sucky way to spend my time off! But still worth it for Ludo lbr :D

(If you want to see the food pics I took, they’ll go up on my food blog: @foodandmind)

[were-cheetah-stiles]

The Recruit (Chapter 13) - Mitch Rapp

Author: @were-cheetah-stiles

Title: “Day 75, Part I”

Characters: Mitch Rapp, Stan Hurley, Rob Russells, Julian Casablancas, Peter Collins  & Reader/OFC

Warnings: Slow burn, some touchin’, some dirty talking, fluff, kissing, cursing, i assumeeeee..

A.N.: I’ve written three chapters of Mitch and Y/N on their first day in New York, while on break, so far and they are literally my favorite things in the world. I hope you enjoy them too.

Summary: The recruits get released for a weeklong Spring break. Mitch and Y/n go to New York.

Chapter Twelve - Chapter Thirteen - Chapter Fourteen

"Alright, Y/n, what do you have?" Stan asked, standing in the front of their classroom. You had done this three years in a row now and already knew that your cover story worked. "I am going to go up to Manhattan to see my friends from Columbia and just like the past two years, my cover is that I work for the State Department and work overseas a lot and that's why I am never all that accessible and cannot talk about my work in detail."

"And as always, that works for me.. Enjoy your break." Stan said, as you sat down and folded your arms, waiting for the next person to share their cover story. "Remember, the cover story needs to be good enough that it could be real but won't elicit too many unanswerable questions from even your nosiest family member. It's for your protection, their protection and the protection of the Agency... Who's next? Julian?"

Julian stood. "I am also going up to Westchester in New York to see my parents, and they think I am coming back from a Syrian relief mission to see them for five days... Then I leave to go back."

"Have you been to Syria?" Stan asked.

"No, sir."

"Then how are you going to answer questions that they have about what you've seen over there?" Stan pushed, trying to find the ways in which Julian's cover could be blown.

"I was going to read the New York Times on the train up, sir. My parents aren't naturally inquisitive people. If I embellish what I've read in the papers, that will be enough to upset my mother and force my father to drop the subject altogether. Plus, now that I can speak some Arabic, I think they'll be convinced."

"And if they want to see pictures?"

"I'm not over their to take pictures, sir. They can google what Aleppo looks like these days themselves." Julian spoke dryly and mouthed off all the time. Stan wasn't fond of him, but you always thought he was funny. You chuckled in your seat as Julian answered all of Stan's questions in a monotone voice

Stan shook his head. "Fine, you can go. Sit down." He scanned the room. "Clemens."

"I am going home to Wisconsin to see my family. I was an attorney in Madison before I came here, so I'll tell them that I have been trying to pass the Bar here in Virginia so that I can become a Supreme Court lawyer. They'd understand why I haven't spoken to them if I was studying."

"You'd have a better chance of me letting you go to Mexico and hire prostitutes than you going home with that shit excuse for a cover story. Sit down. Think of something better and you can leave, but until then: no Wisconsin for you." Clemens raised his hands in the air in front of him, gesturing like he didn't know what was wrong with that story. Stan pointed to Rob, and Clemens sat back down. Rob explained how he wasn't leaving town because his parents were on vacation so he was planning on trolling D.C. bars for girls. Stan reminded him that he still needed a cover story, and made Rob sit down. "Mitch."

Mitch stood, folding his arms in front of him. You tried to hide your excitement over the way that his hands, when folded under, made his biceps look even bigger. You blinked a few times, unable to keep the grin off of your face, and quietly put your head in your arms on the table in front of you. "You good, Y/n?" Julian leaned over and whispered.

"Mhmm. Just tired." You mumbled without raising your head.

"I'm going up to see my brother and he thinks that I have been traveling for the past year and a half, but before I actually did that, I got a job at the State Department, so I was going to use that as my cover too."

"Alright, very good. You can go." Stan said, then moved on to the last two trainees. Mitch sat back down and looked at you, head still buried in your arms, and chuckled to himself. "The shuttle leaves in a half hour and it will bring you to downtown D.C. You can get to the train station or airports or car rental places from there, and we'll see you back here in a week. For those of you who did not get permission, I leave tonight, I will drive you downtown if you can come up with a better cover before 1900 hours. You're dismissed."

Everyone began to disperse, and Mitch watched as Stan walked up to you and Julian.

"Have a good break, Julian. Y/n can I have a word?"

You nodded and stopped. "What's up?"

"Are you sure that you don't want to come down with us? I know Meredith and the boys would love to see you."

"Yea, I haven't seen my friends in so long, I just wanted to hang out."

"Are you going to see Beth when you're up there?" Stan asked about his daughter.

"Oh, Beth isn't going to be in North Carolina with you guys?" You lied. You knew Beth was going to be in New York because you were introducing Beth to Mitch this weekend.

"She was supposed to but couldn't get out of work.... if I can't convince you to come to the Outer Banks, can I at least convince you to take your car up? You don't have to take the train."

"I wanna take the train, Stan. It's fine." You told him, not divulging that you wanted to take the train because Mitch was taking the train.

"Alright, kiddo. I'll see you in a week then."

"Say hi to Aunt Mere and everyone else for me." You smiled.

You spotted Mitch, Julian and a few other trainees in the large ticket window area of D.C.'s Union Station. You looked up at the board and saw that the Amtrak train to New York City's Penn Station was finally boarding. You picked up your bag, throwing it over your shoulder, and handed the ticket agent your boarding pass. You glanced to a parallel boarding line and saw Mitch. You bashfully smiled and took your ticket back. You sat down in a two-seater against the window and placed your bag on the seat next to you.

"I love that you pick the one that doesn't have any seats behind it."

You looked up and grinned. "I like to know what's going on around me. It's not like I can just take the spy hat off.." You fake whispered and then watched as Mitch stuffed both of your bags in the overhead compartments, his shirt and jacket lifting just enough to tease you with his abs and happy trail. Just enough to turn you on. You bit your lip and ran your hand up your leg as Mitch sat back down. He saw the desire in your eyes.

"Oh... someone's in a mood." Mitch said with a grin as he rested his left hand on your knee.

"I'm just excited to be with you and you look so good, and I.." You couldn't even finish your sentence without attacking him with a kiss. You pressed your body against his, feeling his hand run up your leg and just under the hem of your short navy blue leather skirt. You felt his right hand hook it's fingers into your hair as he pulled you harder against his lips. His tongue pushed in between your lips as you slipped your fingers through the neck of his button-embellished gray thermal shirt and dug your fingers into his shoulder. Mitch stopped to catch his breath, and pressed his forehead against yours.

"Oh god." He whispered between huffs. "Don't bite your lip at me like that. This outfit is killing me enough as is." Mitch grinned and shook his head at you. You were wearing a short and tight navy blue leather skirt, a loose and semi-sheer marled gray t-shirt, gray knee-high socks, black booties and a black lace bra that you could see through your shirt; your favorite bomber jacket was hanging on a hook next to the window.

You grinned from ear to ear as you rubbed his thigh over his khaki pants, purposefully trying to still turn him on. "But I'm just so excited about our week away. I want to get started now." You pouted and fake whined.

"Y/n, trust me, if it wasn't the middle of the morning and this train wasn't packed with people, you'd be in my lap with your tight little pussy riding my cock right now."

"Promise?" You bit your lip since you couldn't be biting his.

"Promise." Mitch pulled you in for a peck on the cheeks and then leaned back into his seat, closing his eyes and holding your hand in your lap so that you couldn't rub up on him anymore. He needed to calm down or else he probably would find a way to fuck you right then.

"Shit..."

Mitch opened his eyes and felt you yank your hand out of his. "What?" He looked at you and you were staring out the window.

"Of all the cars on this train, he had to get on this one? Are you kidding?" You whispered, while pointing in the direction of the aisle in the middle of the car, but not looking away from the window. Mitch saw Julian placing his bag in the compartment above his seat. Mitch nodded at Julian and Julian nodded back, then sat down on the opposite end of the train car.

"All aboard. The 9:13AM train from Union Station, District of Columbia to Montreal, Quebec, making stops in Baltimore, Dover, Philadelphia, Trenton, New York City, Albany, Buffalo, and finally Montreal. We will be departing the station in approximately three minutes. All aboard. Conductors, please check your signals." The announcement broke over the speakers.

"Is it weird that we're sitting together or do you think he saw anything?" You asked, worry spreading across your face.

Mitch shook his head. "I think it's fine... and Julian is your friend, right?"

"I mean, yea, but you never know what people will do."

"It'll be fine." Mitch gave you a quick smile. Then stood back up. "You want your book?"

You shook your head. "I'm going to catch up with the news on my phone." You watched as Mitch reached back up into the compartment, his shirt lifting again, and dropped Alexandre Dumas’ The Count of Monte Cristo on the seat, the latest book that you had given him to read. "You are seriously going to have to sit down. I'm gonna maul you, and now I really can't since Julian is sitting right over there." Mitch grinned, closed the compartment and took off his jacket. "Oh, seriously?! You're doing this on purpose." You huffed and sat back in your seat, feeling the train jolt forward as it started on its journey.

Mitch tried to rest his coat on top of your silky bomber, but both ended up falling off the hook and onto the floor with a thud. "Sorry, babe. Do you want your phone?" Mitch asked as he bent over and picked up your jackets.

"Yes please." You said as you watched him hang his coat on the hook first.

He fished in your pockets and pulled out your phone and keys. "Why do you have so many keys?" Mitch asked, confusion spreading on his face as he saw you take them out of his hand. He hung your jacket on top of his and sat back down next to you.

"Well, this is to the garage." You began flipping through the keys, about a dozen in total. "These are the keys to Stan's office and then the master key to all of the buildings at The Barn. This is to Beth's house, and this is to the Hurley's house in Virginia, where I lived. This is the key to my safety deposit box and my P.O. Box. This is the key to my Dad's hangar, and this is the one to the safe that holds all the car keys, and this is the one for the LES apartment." You tucked the keys back into your pocket after listing them off.

"What?"

You laughed. "What can I say? I'm welcome a lot of places."

"Your Dad's hangar and what Lower East Side apartment?" Mitch looked confused.

You inhaled and then looked at Mitch. "So you saw the BMW the other night. It was my Dad's. He collected vintage cars and cars he thought were cool. I inherited all of them, and Stan picked out the BMW from the lot and gave it to me when I got my driver's license in high school, and it's just the one I use the most often. I was actually thinking that if you and Steven wanted, I would bring you to the hangar tomorrow, let you see the cars... maybe take one of them out and we could drive it the rest of the week?"

Mitch smirked. "Steve would lose his shit if you did that." You smiled and nodded. "What’s the apartment though?"

You pursed your lips and pulled at your socks. Mitch took your hand in his when he saw you fidgeting. You smiled up at him again. "I still own the apartment that I grew up in."

"Really?"

You nodded. "It's this big two story penthouse in this tall, old building downtown and my Mom grew up there, and when her Dad died, she got the deed, and when my Mom died, I got the deed.... I literally haven't been there in years though. It's fully furnished and everything, I just can't bring myself to sell it."

Mitch half frowned. "Did you live there in college?"

"No, I rented a place in South Harlem, closer to campus. The only people who have been there since I was in high school are the cleaning crew that I hired to come in once a month and dust and kill the spiders, whatever."

"Do you ever plan on moving in there?"

"Maybe one day. It's a beautiful building and a nice area. We can drive by it if you want."

Mitch shrugged, not wanting to make you do anything you were uncomfortable with. "It's up to you... What do you want to do while we're up here?"

A smile spread back across your face, and you let out an excited moan. "Ugh, everything. Well, I want to hang out with Steven, I want to see 1984 on Broadway, I wouldn’t mind taking a drive out to either the Hudson Valley or Long Island, and I promised I'd hang out with one of my girlfriends from college, so you can spend the day with Steven that day. I want pizza from John's on Bleeker, oh my god, just like a donut from Dunkin Donuts, meatballs from The Meatball Shop, cake from Herb in Chelsea, vietnamese food from Jimmy's downtown, Shake Shack... oh my god, I read that there is a Shake Shack in Penn Station now, if we could make that our first stop, I'd love you forever." You didn't even realize what you said as you rambled on about all that you wanted to do while you were home.

Mitch smiled, but didn't say anything. He wanted to kiss you but could feel Julian watching from a distance. "So basically, you want to eat?"

You pressed your lips together tightly, furrowed your brow and nodded. "I am so sick of the food at The Barn."

Mitch laughed and went to kiss you, but stopped half way through, realizing what he was doing. Instead, he leaned past you and pulled the curtain closed. He hoped that was subtle enough, and that Julian hadn't caught his near slip. He licked his lips and leaned back in the seat, reclining the chair back. "We can definitely do all of that."

"I also would like to have a lot of sex." You looked at him seriously.

"Steve's going to love that." Mitch laughed.

"Yea, we may have to get a hotel room.." You said, as you reached for your phone and began scrolling through The Associated Press' news app.

The next chapter is literally one of my favorite chapters I will ever write. Day 75 is the literal best. Also, now I’m hungry. :(

@chivesoup @confidentrose @alexhmak @dontstopxx @iloveteenwolf24 @surpeme-bean @snek-shit @kalista-rankins @parislight @cleverassbutt @damndaphneoh @mgpizza2001 @chionophilic-nefelibata @ninja-stiles @sarcasticallystilinski @teenage-dirtbagbaby @mrs-mitch-rapp93 @alizaobrien @twsmuts @rrrennerrr @sorrynotsorrylovesome @lovelydob @iknowisoundcrazy @5secsxofamnesia @vogue-sweetie @dylrider @ivette29 @therealmrshale @twentyone-souls @sunshineystilinski @snicketyssnake @xsnak-3x @eccentricxem @inkedaztec @awkwarddly @lightbreaksthrough @maddie110201 @hattyohatt @amethystmerm4id @completebandgeek

[lolainblue]

Thunderbirds -- Chapter 37

  @msroxyblog @nikkitasevoli @maliciousalishious @meghan12151977 @mustlove6277 @fyeahproudglambert @little-poptart @lady-grinning-soul-k @pheenixpeterson

Roger

   I had a lot to think about on the drive back to Indiana. I had been pretty irritated with Jared's parting performance but it didn't really diminish the guilt I was feeling for treating him the way I had. It wasn't really any of my business how he chose to live his life, and I was wrong for judging him for behaving the way I had been behaving for pretty much all of mine. I decided I would wait a few days for him to calm down and then call him and apologize. I had been enjoying our friendship, I would like to at least mend fences. I knew he had no interest in actually having a relationship, I knew he was just spoiled and not used to not getting his way. I figured once the sting of it wore off he would be back to his old self. It was an easy enough fix I told myself.

   Jane's situation, on the other hand, wasn't as straightforward. I waited with growing dread for Mitch's phone call. Whatever happened, we would deal with it, one way or another, but I wasn't looking forward to a big fight. It was the last thing Jane needed right now. I had made it to just outside Danville, IL when my phone began to ring. I knew that whatever news awaited me on the other side of that line I couldn't pay attention to it and drive so I pulled off the highway at the next exit, parked at a Phillips station and quickly rang Mitch back. My skin had gone clammy by the time he answered.

   “Just tell me straight up, what are we dealing with,” I said as soon as he came on the line. There was a little chuckle and my anxiety levels dropped several notches.

   “Jane says that Jared's the one that recommended that attack dog lawyer in Los Angeles for her, is that right?”

   “Uhm, yeah?” I said, not exactly following yet.

   “Well, you need to thank Jared because that guy saved our asses.”

   That sounded promising at least. “What happened?”

   “Well just so you know up front, everything is fine, Jane's under my custody for the time being. But she bombed that evaluation with that doctor this afternoon.”

   As relieved as I was that Angus seemed to be out of the picture I was concerned about what was going on with Jane that might cause her to do so badly. “What happened, Mitch? What's wrong with Jane?”

   “Don't flip out on me Roger,” Mitch said evenly. I didn't like the sound of this.

   “Mitch, what the hell is going on?" I demanded. "Why was Jane so terrified this morning?”

   “The doctor here thinks that she was underdiagnosed in St. Louis. It happens with brain injuries, sometimes it takes a few days to see how severe things are. He let Jane come back home with us tonight but they are discussing either readmitting her here or letting her go back to New York. Apparently, there's a really good treatment program there. But here I can watch out for her. If she goes back to New York, I can't leave Audrey and the girls to go take care of her... ”

   “I'll take care of her.” I cut him off. “Whatever it takes, wherever it's best for her. Just say the word.”

   “Okay, calm down. We'll what Dr. Nepp.... that's her neurologist here, Dr. Nepp," Mitch explained. "We'll see what he wants to do tomorrow. We see him again at 8:00 a.m. She's doing pretty good this afternoon. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.”

    Mitch sounded so much calmer than I felt. I felt terrible for leaving. I should have put Shannon in a rental car and let him drive his own ass back to Wisconsin. I don't know why I didn't. I pressed my palm against my eye and tried to reason with myself but I wanted to scream. Jane wasn't the only one whose emotions were all over the place.

   “Anyway, after the exam I was pretty nervous about the hearing. But then this whole team of attorneys shows up at the courtroom, apparently sent in by the L.A. guy. They had all this stuff on Angus and all this paperwork showing what was going on with Jane and background on me and everything. They knocked it out of the park. I have full medical power of attorney right now, and Angus isn't allowed to contact Jane, any of her family members, you or Shannon, and can't come within 1,000 feet. Probably going to cost Jane a pretty penny but I don't think she minds.”

   Fuck. I was going to have to have Shannon thank Jared as soon as I called him. “That's amazing.”

   “Yup, it sure is. It lets us focus on helping Jane get better and none of this other garbage. So how much longer until you get here?”

   “I'm probably still about two hours out.”

   “Well, that's just about right. As usual, the girls want to go out and have pizza with Aunt Jane. She's napping now but she should be up to it. Meet us at the Monical's on 41 around 6:30? Should be right on your way into town.”

   “Sure thing,” I said hanging up the phone and sighing in relief. I called Shannon, but got his voice mail. I assumed they were either in sound check or playing, I couldn't remember when their set today was. I left a message letting him know what was going on and finished my drive back to Mitch's.

Jane:

   “Come on, Roger, I don't' want to do any more of these today.” I closed the workbook and thrust it and my pencil back into Roger's lap. “His plane will be landing any minute now.”

   “And when he disembarks we'll stop,” Roger said, holding the workbook out in front of me. “You skipped therapy today to come meet him at the airport so you're going to get your math problems done now.”

   I groaned and took the book back. This was the first time I had seen Shannon since the hospital, almost two weeks ago. I didn't want to think about any stupid therapy homework, I just wanted my Shan-bear. With a scowl, I flipped back to the next page in the workbook.

   My little concussion had turned out to be moderate brain injury. My forgetfulness in the day after the accident had only been the tip of the iceberg. I had become increasingly anxious and paranoid in the following days. There had been additional tests and a parade of specialists, but what it all boiled down to in the end was a diminished capacity to self-regulate my emotions, diminished short-term memory recall and, inexplicably, a loss of most of my math skills. All these things were expected to improve, and they were, but much slower than I would have liked. I went to therapy for a couple hours a day where they worked on the skills I had lost. The problem was that other than that, I wasn't allowed to do anything. I was supposed to be resting my brain so I wasn't allowed to write, or read or play board games or even watch intellectually challenging television programs. I was going stir crazy. And I missed my Shannon.

   He called me after every show, and we had long phone conversations on his days off but of course, it wasn't the same as having him there with me and being wrapped up in one of his amazing hugs. He was only here visiting for two days, then he had a show in New Jersey, but they would be back in New York next week. I was so anxious for his tour to be over. I wanted some real time with him. As it was sometimes when I called he was busy and Jared ended up picking up the phone. That wasn't too bad, at least I got to have some nice chats with Jared too. After all the misunderstandings it was good to repair that friendship. But it wasn't helping my Shannon withdrawals and since I was emotionally all over the place these days it was affecting me more than it should have.

   I tapped my pencil against the page with a sigh. Shannon's flight should have landed already. I tried not to let my imagination run away with me, I flew enough to know that arrival and departure times were in reality mostly suggestions. But it was incredibly frustrating. When his flight finally landed I shoved the workbook and pencil back at Roger and jumped out of my seat.

   “Jane, you have to wait for him to disembark,” Roger pointed out. He tucked everything back into his tote with an air of frustration. I knew taking care of me was not exactly high on his list of fun things to do, but Roger had seemed different since my accident. I had tried to talk to him about it but he shifted the discussion every time I brought it up. I thought something had maybe happened between him and Jared but Jared brushed off the subject whenever I brought it up to him too, claiming not to know what Roger's attitude change was about. I was pretty sure they were both full of shit and I was kind of hoping that maybe Jared had confided in Shannon what was going on and I was going to get some answers now that I had him here where I could corner him.

   I was so excited when I got my first glimpse of Shannon. He looked like he'd had a nap on the flight and his hair was ruffled in that sort of sleepy parakeet way that was becoming increasingly familiar. I threw myself into his arms as soon as he was in range, and he wasted no time in kissing me, those powerful lips of his pulling me back under his thrall in seconds.

   “I missed you, Janey,” he whispered against my ear as he clutched me against him, and I found myself inhaling deeply for that scent of his before I even realized what I was doing. “I've been so worried about you,” he added.

   Shannon had just brought a carry-on bag since he was only in for the weekend, and without luggage to collect we were out of the airport and in a cab back to mine and Roger's apartment in a flash. Shannon was uncharacteristically talkative the entire ride, telling me about the shows I had missed. I listened quietly, unsure of what to add. My life had been extremely uneventful since we parted, emergency hearing aside. It felt sort of awkward, sitting like that while he rattled on, knowing it was generally me that carried our conversations. Suddenly though, I didn't know what to say to him at all.

   Once we were back at my place Roger started listing all the things I still wasn't allowed to do. Shannon listened patiently and promised to take good care of me, but I was fast becoming tired of being treated like I was a six-year-old. It felt like I was being handed from one babysitter to the next. “I know what I'm allowed to do Roger, and I can make up my own mind about it, ” I said tersely.

   “And she's still a little moody,” Roger added.

   “Oh fuck you,” I retorted. Shannon's eyes got big. I don't think he'd ever seen a cross word between Roger and me before. Then again, he hadn't been around us that much. We fought occasionally too, just like any other pair of friends. It just never lasted long.

   “You know what, Jane, whatever. I'm tired of fighting you today. Drummer boy blows back into town and suddenly nothing else matters to you.”

   “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I demanded. I didn't know why things were boiling over now but I was willing to let Roger yell at me a bit if it would help me get to the bottom of whatever had been bothering him.

   “Oh come on. All I hear out of you lately is Shannon this and Shannon that...”

   “Are you jealous?” I asked incredulously. Surely that wasn't it. Roger had never been jealous of anyone I had dated.

   “No, I'm not fucking jealous, Jane!” Roger grumbled. I noticed Shannon grabbing his bag and heading down the hall, wisely leaving us to settle whatever was going on. I had to respect him having enough sense not to get in the middle of it. “I just wish you'd show a little sense.”

   “Roger I have been trying my ass off. I've been doing what I'm supposed to do. Am I supposed to feel guilty about wanting to enjoy a weekend with my boyfriend?”

   “Is he? Your boyfriend? Have the two of you even talked about that or what that means? Do you know what you're doing at all?” Roger demanded, running his hand through his hair.

    I was puzzled by his questions. Of course, Shannon was my boyfriend. We had pushed everything aside to be together. How could he not be my boyfriend? “Are you serious right now Roger? Why are you bringing this up now, in front of Shannon?”

   “Because every other time I bring it up you blow me off. Let's face it, Jane, you don't exactly have a stellar track record when it comes to making decisions about men.”

    I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, you're really the relationship guru here.”

   “I'm doing better than you are.”

   “Really? Is that so? What happened to Daphne? Why aren't you speaking to Jared?" I felt bad for bringing up Daphne but I was at a loss as to what was going on in Roger's head. "What the fuck is going on with you? Just because I don't know how things got fucked up doesn't mean I don't know they aren't. You're a lot easier to read than you think. Even if I am brain damaged.”

   “You're not brain damaged.” Roger insisted.

   “Yeah, actually, I am. Let's be honest for a minute. And you've been freaked out ever since it happened.”

   “It's not about that Jane. I swear.”

   “Then what, Roger? Help me out here. What the fuck has been up with you ever since St. Louis?”

   “I don't know,” Roger said. Suddenly all the fight seemed to go out of him and he dropped onto the sofa, head in his hands. I sat down next to him and place my hand at the small of his back, making small soothing circles.  

   “Roger, I know this thing with me has been stressful for you. I'm really sorry to put you through this....”

   “That's not it,” Roger interjected weakly but I continued on.

   “I know you're just looking out for me. That's what you do. And I'm sorry I snapped at you. You have to see if from my point of view. Everyone is treating me like I can't even make the simplest decisions for myself, even though the doctors have said I'm mostly fine.” As frustrated and out of sorts as I had been feeling, I felt so much worse suddenly for having snapped at Roger. I knew my moods were still all over the place. I knew my feelings of frustration at the situation were valid, but my attitude was uncalled for. I wanted to reach him but I didn't seem to know how to go about it properly anymore.

   “Jane, it's not that. I get it I do. This recovery of yours has been hard for both of us but I don't mind looking out for you, really. I promise," he assured me as he patted my hand.

   “Then what is it? I know what my problem is, but you haven't been yourself lately either.”

   “Look, just go spend some time with Shannon.” He looked around and noticed that Shannon had disappeared. “Tell him I'm sorry for blowing up like that. I'll take you guys to dinner if you want.”

   I shook my head. “No, I was planning on cooking, remember? But Roger...”

   “Can we talk about it later? Maybe when your boyfriend isn't probably listening in the background?”

   I sighed. I knew I wasn't going to get any further with him right now. “Fine,” I said before going to join Shannon in the bedroom.

   Shannon was sitting uncomfortably on the edge of my bed, hands in his lap. “I hope this is your bedroom,” he said with a laugh, pointing to the collection of antique rag dolls in a cabinet on the wall.

   I nodded and sat down next to him. “Yeah, I actually collect those. Some of them belonged to my great-grandmother.”

   “That's really neat actually. I don't remember you having them in L.A. Though.”

   “I didn't have room for them there,” I explained.

    Shannon paused, frowning at the floor before continuing. “Is everything okay between you and Roger? Is he mad at me or something? He was kind of pissy on the drive up to Wisconsin after your accident.”

    I shook my head. “I don't know what's wrong with him really. Did something happen between him and Jared?”

   “Not that I know of. Jared was kind of bitchy for a few days after he left, now that I think about it. But he's been moody lately too so it may not have anything to do with Roger.”

   Apparently bored with the conversation, Shannon leaned over and pressed his lips to mine, his tongue inviting itself in to swirly softly with my own. I sighed and laid back against the mattress, pulling Shannon on top of me. In minutes his hands were under my shirt, his mouth leaving a trail of wet, pink skin as he nibbled gently towards my breasts. I just wanted to relax and be with him but Roger's meltdown had me feeling like the world's worst friend. With a sigh, I pushed him aside.

   “I'm sorry, “ I apologized. “I'm just worried about Roger. Let's pick this back up after dinner.”

   To his credit, Shannon didn't complain, just gave me another kiss before sitting up. “Fine,” he told me with a smirk. “But screaming my name had better be on your list of approved activities. Otherwise, we're just going to have to ignore doctor's orders.”

[newenglandpups]

Hi

I need to rant because I’m tired and frustrated and stressed and on the verge of a panic attack so I’m hoping if I get all this out I wont actually have one ok? 

I hate living here so much. We’ve hit full blown rainy season and I feel like I’m already noticing SAD symptoms already and it’s only been like a week. I hate our house. It feels tiny and cramped and claustrophobic. It’s so narrow that I don’t have any good space to train my own dogs in and now with it fucking raining every day, I can no longer cart all my crap around to various parks because ya know we don’t have a yard either so like I’m kinda stuck.

I’m also super frustrated with work right now. If you hadn’t heard yet I’m losing my job. Basically my boss says that with the cost of insurance and business licensing and rental fees, plus paying my commission, she’s actually losing money right now. So with that in mind and the fact that I’m going to be moving (eventually... more on that later) it doesn’t make sense for her to keep it running. Now there’s been some sketchiness before so I don’t full on believe her, but basically it means that I won’t make that much money working for myself because I’ll have to pay for all the insurance and licenses and rentals myself. But I won’t be paying anyone commission, but it does mean that I’ll essentially be making the same amount of money I’m making now. Which isn’t bad, but it’s not great. 

OH OH OH and speaking of sketchiness with my boss, last weekend was a fucking shit show. I have four classes back to back on Saturday- like literally I have 15 minutes between classes and I always have people that show up early or want to chat after class, meaning I barely have time to fucking pee or do anything besides jump from class to class. So like there’s that, but THEN. Omg. Okay so last Saturday was week 3 of all those classes (a puppy class, obedience, and two reactive rover classes). The puppy class is insanely over booked (because my boss sucks at her job), I have 10 puppies every week. We weren’t supposed to be allowing drop ins because there’s already too many puppies, but again because my boss fucking sucks at her job, last week I had THREE DROP INS. 13 goddamn puppies! OH OH OH OH AND AND AND the cut off age for puppy class is supposed to be 16 weeks. I have puppies in this class that are now fucking six months old. Unacceptable. And I literally cannot be blamed for that, because my boss did this to me. How? BECAUSE SHE SUUUUUUUUCKS. So, anyway, back to the shitshow last weekend. So the first week of class this older guy shows up with some fucking doodley thing puppy. He’s not on my list, meaning he hasn’t paid, but he’s sure his wife had paid, so because my boss suuuuuuucks I think she probably just forgot to add him and let him stay. Emailed my boss afterwards and sure enough, she apologizes and says that they were one of the first to sign up and she doesn’t know how they never got added to my client list. Uh huh. They don’t show up the second week (sent me an email, both were sick) but they show up again last weekend, this time husband and wife. Wife asks me about paying for the classes.... because she said she never paid. So I let them stay (because I can’t say no and also was dealing with the second part of this shitshow which I’ll explain in a second) and email my boss asking wtf is going on. Did she get payment from them or not? [Reminder: I MAKE COMMISSION so this is money that I’m literally losing right now.] She tries to FUCKING CALL ME while I’m teaching class. Hell. No. Girl. So I text her saying, “I don’t have time to talk with classes back to back all day, I will email you about this when I get home.” Which I do, she says she’s sorry and doesn’t know what happened and will sort it out with them so I don’t have to worry about it. It’s now Thursday. I emailed her yesterday to confirm whether this was dealt with. Haven’t heard back yet. Cool. 

Second part of the shit show was this old woman showing up at the start of class asking if I’m with [company name]. I say yes and she says that she called the business number listed on the website (my boss’s phone number) and left a voicemail because she wanted to sign up for a drop in for the puppy class, but nobody ever got back to her. NOBODY EVER CALLED HER BACK!!!! I apologized profusely, took down her info, informed her that that day’s class was unfortunately full but promised her we would get back to her ASAP. Again, this is something that is not my fault and yet I’m having to deal with it, because I’m the one who actually deals with the clients. So like that’s super fun. I email my boss about this, she says she never got a voicemail (I double checked the phone number the lady called by looking in her call log to make sure she actually did call the correct number- she did) and asks ME to get in touch with this lady about just signing up for the puppy class that starts next week instead since the Saturday one is full. I told her that she should be the one to do so (because IT’S YOUR FUCKING JOB WTF) because A) she’s the one the client contacted in the first place and B) she would have to arrange payment which I can’t do. Emailed her to follow up and see if this was resolved yesterday. Heard absolutely nothing back yet. 

I’m just so fucking frustrated. On the one hand I’m a thousand times more organized and driven than my boss is so working for myself would be way less frustrating and not the shitty disorganized mess that it is now, but on the other hand I’m going to be doing all this work only to have this business around for like 6-8 months or so. Hopefully. Really really hoping it’s no longer than that, but it may be. And that’s the other part of my frustration. I want to fucking move and I want to do it now. I could move like whenever I want because I’m a US citizen, but Mike can’t come with me. And I don’t know if I want to do the whole long distance thing again while we wait for his green card. The other option he had was to try to get a work visa, but that’s difficult because in order to get a work visa you have to have a job. And it’s hard to look for a job in a place that you A) don’t live and B) can’t legally work yet. We can’t even apply for a work visa until April because they only give out a certain number per year and they hit the cap like a few months ago. I’m going to talk to him about taking a couple weeks off in the spring so we can go to CT for a few weeks and he can job hunt. That way he’s there in person and can try to get to some interviews while he’s there. If they meet him and interview him, they may be willing to sponsor his work visa. But they also might not and the trip could be a gigantic waste of time since the work visa processing still takes a couple months, and what employer is going to be willing to wait that long when they could likely just hire someone who could start working for them ASAP? Ya know? Idk, it’s just frustrating. I haven’t even talked to Mike yet about the possibility of me moving to CT before him. Maybe I should. Idk. We could wait until we get closer to his green card processing getting done and then I could go first so at least we’re not apart for all that long. 

And then in the back of my mind is like... what if his green card gets denied? I mean we do have the whole straight white young Canadian working in the tech industry heterosexual married man privilege working to our advantage. But still... there is a chance that it gets denied for whatever reason. Honestly it wouldn’t surprise me with the giant orange dildo we have for a president right now. Also super hoping he gets impeached by the time we move because jesus h christ. Wow. 

Anyway... i’m sure nobody is even still reading this at this point. But it helps me to get all this garbage out of my system anyway. So if you are reading this thanks for sticking it out. 

Bye.  

[winterstormgoddess]

Creating Community in the Messiness: Soul Tavern

A year ago, for the first time in my life, I was lonely. I wasn’t alone, I had a roommate, I had family that lived in the city, I was in a relationship, but something significant was missing. Last year was complicated enough, no one really tells you how difficult the first year out of college is, and then you add on moving across the country from your family, tragedy, injury, a new job, a new relationship, hormonal imbalances, anxiety attacks, first winters. Good lord it was a lot.

College is life with training wheels. Everyone is in one confined area for ultimately the same purpose, to learn, make friends, and have a damn good time. That being said, everyones college experience is different but for me - thats what it was, a damn good time.I met my best friends within the first week and god love them they stuck with me the whole way through. I went from living in a dorm to living with 5 girls, I saw at least 15 people I knew every single day and I never once was lonely.

Then you graduate, and for me there was no option other than to dive in head first to the ocean that is New York City. I was done being in my comfort zone, I wanted challenge, I wanted new, I wanted exciting, and I wanted to grow. Be careful what you wish for, and then do it anyway.

I am not going to waste your time detailing the ups and downs and backs and forths of last year, the likelihood is if you’re reading this you probably know me and already know about it all.  What I am going to tell you about is what and who was my saving grace, in hopes that maybe when loneliness, fear, and newness hits you like a ton of bricks you might be able to use my experience as a guide.

I have always been surrounded by women, as long as I can remember. I guess I was born into that type of thing, my mom had many a women’s circle before I was born coming together to bless unborn me with their feminine magic. I would like to think that I have a pretty good picker when it comes to friends and when I find my people, I hang on to them. Last year, was the first time in my entire life that I didn’t have a community, and for lack of a better phrase, it fucking sucked.

I was being picky, I didn’t want to create friends out of desperation. I had criteria, and I was not going to settle. In many ways, I am pickier with my friends than I am with the men I date (thats something to unpack on a later date) but I think it is really because of what I said above, when I find my people, they’re mine for life. I can’t tell you how many times I heard “come on, why don’t you just come “out” with us and meet people at this pregame”

haha, NO.  

So I did the things you’re supposed to do to make friends in a big city, found a yoga studio I loved, I did work at coffee shops, said hi to people on the subway. As a natural extrovert this stuff wasn’t hard to do, but it also wasn’t really working. I found a friend here and there, but what I realized quickly is that there is a difference between friendship and community.

I wanted people who I could talk about my anxiety with, people who liked to go out and dance their asses off but also wanted to stay in and cuddle on a Friday night while watching the presidential debates, I wanted people who were going to accept me as the sensitive, emotional, sometimes controlling, person that I am. Basically I wanted dynamite, and I found it.

In the midst of being on a  break with my boyfriend - which is what happens when your loneliness causes you to expect your significant other to be your lover, your parent, your best friend, and your punching bag all at once especially when they’re a 23 year old dude who also is still trying to figure they’re own shit out- I decided I was done with the waiting and wishing.

I sent a group chat to every girl I knew in the city. The text said this:

Hi sweet friends of mine.

I've been thinking about doing this for some time now and have decided that now is that time. With work and teaching and being in a relationship and just the overall nuttiness of life finding and continuously holding on to community has been hard. Some weeks I make plans with as many of u as I can and some weeks I see no one and that's just how it goes but it feels like part of what makes me feel whole, strong female connection needs to be a bigger part of my life. I know living in this city and trying to do it all can be wildly overwhelming, so I hope this invitation will come as a nice little surprise to you as well.

I've decided to start a weekly community night - a night where we can eat together, drink if we'd like, but mostly just talk and build real intentional connection. I have intentionally texted each one of you slightly selfishly because you're the people I really want to see in any given week but also because I want this to be an open space for real, honest conversation and support and I value each one of your voices and your hearts. I am setting the intention to do this every week, and there is no pressure to show up, who ever shows up shows up, but it will always be a space that is open to each one of you and I will always be there!

So starting next Tuesday from 7- 10 pm. I'll be holding space at my house for some girl time, some food, and lots of love. Come if you can ❤️

This was the start of something really fucking beautiful.

I texted 12 people. The first week there were 4 people, then those 4 people brought people and on and on. Over a matter of weeks a group of 14 women who barely knew each other were suddenly coming together every week to share parts of our souls- and that is where the name came from. Soul Tavern Tuesday.

Hannah, a California transplant in NYC who was brought to us by Simone one of my nearest and dearest from college, went to theatre school and had a professor who would hold “soul tavern” nights where students would come together to check in and share some type of poetry or art. We immediately attached this to Tuesday and decided STT had a damn good ring to it. We also co-opted the format - we started doing a round of wins, thanks to Sarah, a bright light of a human I met at the yoga studio who’s favorite question to ask people is “what are your wins of the day” and then we would do shares, people brought poetry, songs, stories, photos, books anything and everything you could think of.

Every week I was blown away by the magic that happened when I chose to connect and dive in with these women, even after a shitty day at work, an anxiety attack, a fight with a significant other, being in a circle of people who listened, who loved with their whole hearts and bodies and who accepted me no matter what was and is the most transformative experience.

In April we decided to go on a trip. My wedding planner in another life self made an itinerary, we found an rental property upstate, found cars to drive, and set out on a weekend with 14 women, none of us knowing what would come of it. When I say it was the best weekend of my life so far, I really mean it. The intentionality around our interactions with each other, the way that we love each other, the way we listen to each other, and the way we create space for each person to be their own individual self, allowed each of us to feel perfectly comfortable and free to both talk about hard shit, and dance our asses off after 4 margaritas until 3 am.

Now this isn’t to say we haven’t run into conflict, hurt feelings, insecurities, judgement, etc, but because our friendship, our community, was started with intention. The intention being to love each other without judgement, to show up, to be honest, we are able to face those conflicts with care and continue to grow and hold space for each other through it all.

Tavern is still every Tuesday, my friendships with these women, my sisters, is 7 days of the week. I am never lonely, even when I am alone because I know that I have them, I know that they’ve got me.

So when you find yourself facing newness, loneliness, or whatever it is, remember that you are a product of who you surround yourself with and beyond that you are in control of who those people are, so do something brilliant with that power. Take the time, create the spaces, send the texts, even when you have a million reasons not to.

I got into grad school this year, I faced an injury, heartbreak, tragedy, I spoke in front of hundreds of students, but this community is the thing I am the most proud of, because I know that no matter what happens in my life, those experiences are fleeting and these people are forever.