#we were still left with nothing. we've only had one relationship since then and it lasted a month

[enhascloud]

SLEEPYHEAD ˒˒ ﹙ enhypen ! ﹚

╰┈⪼ in which you sleep with your boyfriend for the very first time.

pairing ‎⸝⸝⸝ enha members! x reader! 𓄷 iηcℓudᥱs 𓈓 none!

genre﹙💬﹚⸝⸝⸝ scenerios/headcannons, soft, established relationship

warnings ‎⸝⸝⸝ cute members reactions, caring!heeseung, soft scenarios, reassuring!jungwon, cuddling, hair playing, using of pet names (sweetheart, princess, pretty girl, love, mi amor..) neck kisses, clingy!sunoo

we ‎⸝⸝⸝ 3618 words

rain’s note ‎⸝⸝⸝ this is the first time I write something like this so I hope it’s good ! enjoy and spend a good time (Niki’s scenario actually is my favorite 🤭)

all feedback and reblogs are welcome! ♡

𓏲 𖧷ˊ HEESEUNG

autumn days have always been favorites for both of you since you use it as an excuse to spend the day together, cuddle up together and watch lots of movies. a blankets covering your bodies while a bowl of popcorn was on Heeseung's lap, and two hot chocolates were placed on the living room table.

but for once, Heeseung had this desire to organize all of this in the evening, which amounted to saying that you were going to sleep at his place. and that for the first time, which made you quite nervous but you didn't refuse the idea on the contrary, you accepted straight away.

that's why you were currently in Heeseung's bed, the blanket covering your body while your head was against his chest.

you were watching one of his films that he had offered you when you arrived. and only a few minutes later Heeseung had let his arm slide down your waist only to pull you lightly against him.

"are you comfortable enough sweetheart?" Heeseung asked you, wanting to make sure everything was perfect and that you weren't uncomfortable, noticing a shake of his head a smile appeared on his lips. "If you need anything, tell me, I prefer to know that you are really comfortable with the idea of ​​sleeping with me"

"everything is perfect Heeseung. I have cuddles, a great movie and I'm warm against you so I don't need anything else" you ended up responding while your head was still resting against his chest. "mh or maybe a cup of hot chocolate.." you ended up saying.

the moment was really cute, everything he had done for you just before, bringing you countless stuffed animals, making sure you felt comfortable enough in his bed and he even insisted on giving you the most space in the bed, even if it means sleeping in the corner of the bed.

"I'll go right away" he replied upon hearing your request, leaving the bed to go to the kitchen and prepare everything you wanted or what might make you want during the evening. When he came back, he knocked on the door and waited for your response before coming in, noticing at the same time that you had finally worn out your pajamas, which made him smile.

the rest of the evening was absolutely magical, everything was perfect and Heeseung continued to make sure you were comfortable. when you finally fell asleep the movie wasn't even finished, it was when he sat up slightly that he noticed your eyes closed while your head was still against his chest. and, respecting your sleep, he turned off the television and the light next to his bed before trying to fall asleep himself, holding you tenderly against him.

𓏲 𖧷ˊ JAY

when you asked Jay to spend the night at your place, he looked at you without reacting for a few seconds and an embarrassed laugh left your lips. it was the first time you were going to sleep together and, unfortunately, it wasn't him who proposed but you.

"are you sure princess?" he ended up asking you, to which you nodded, certain of what you had just suggested to him. "We've been together for three months Jay, we have to sleep together one day so why not tonight?"

Jay had absolutely nothing against the idea, quite the contrary, but at the moment he was quite nervous. He had never slept with anyone before so he just hoped he wouldn't make a fool of himself in front of you tonight, that was probably the last thing he wanted.

as he entered your room a smile appeared on his lips. "your room looks a lot like you, it's really cute and colorful. I love all the photos hanging on the wall, it's really cute" he said before moving closer and noticing that most of the photos were you two, on every date you had had since the start of your relationship.

When it was time to sleep, he didn't necessarily know how to go about it. should he take you in his arms? sit next to you and wait for permission to do anything? he wasn't unfamiliar with the idea of ​​being with someone, only he had always been nervous about sleeping with his girlfriend and this time you were the first one he was going to sleep with.

noticing how uncomfortable he seemed to be, you ended up taking his hands in yours and sliding them around your waist, showing him that there was nothing wrong. "normally it's up to the girl to be in this state, not you Jay.." you said before laughing but you were quickly stopped because Jay's lips were pressed against yours.

"I'm not uncomfortable.." he replied, finally separating himself from your lips, "I just hope the night goes well, it's the first time we've slept together so I don't want to ruin the moment."

and he wasn't wrong about that. Jay had always been the type to do everything perfectly, so he obviously wished that the first night with you would be as perfect as he had imagined.

"well.. you're with me and I'm in your arms so this is probably the best night I'll ever have" a smile appeared on your lips as you said that while you looked at Jay in the most adorable way possible.

the night continued and strangely, after hearing your words Jay was much more at ease and, in fact, he hadn't stopped kissing you. so much so that you couldn't even remember when you fell asleep, but indeed, it was the best night you could have had.

𓏲 𖧷ˊ JAKE

to say that Jake hadn't thought about this moment would possibly be a lie. as soon as you accepted his proposal, he began to imagine how this could happen.

And inevitably when the day came he had spent most of the day thinking about it. How could he not think about it when you will be against him, in his arms for the whole night?

"Jake are you even listening to me?" Did you end up saying, which made him leave his reverie, "I really don't want to fail my exams but I have the impression that I won't be able to do it.."

"Ah no, we're not talking about exams this evening and you know that," he replied, taking out his keys and opening the door. "Tonight is a romantic evening so no talking about exams"

"But Jake it's not funny! I'm really afraid of missing them! Imagine I..." quickly one of Jake's hands was on your lips and, once again you asked why he was so keen that you weren't talking about exams. But when you raised your head you quickly understood.

"Not another word about exams or you end up sleeping on the couch instead of with me" he used as a way to make you stop talking while removing his hand from his lips.

"It's called blackmail Jake!" You finally said but he didn't want to listen to you anymore. Instead he just laughed as he picked you up from the ground and headed towards his room. "And what's more, it's a hostage-taking!" Did you scream.

"For this to be a hostage situation, you would have to disagree, except that you agreed to sleep with me"

Soon you were both under the covers, and after a little bit of arguing because of his lame jokes, you both ended up in each other's arms.

You had nothing against sleeping with Jake, it was one of the things you looked forward to but strangely once in his arms, you felt a knot in your stomach because of shyness and you found the slightest way to hide from him.

And strangely he didn't make fun of you, he found you adorable, quite the contrary. And knowing that you were quite reactive, he allowed himself to come and tickle you, which quickly made you react. "Jake stop, that's painful!" you said suddenly which directly made him laugh.

"I'll stop if you're not so shy, sweetie," he allowed himself to respond while continuing his tickling, which quickly stopped since you were moving a little too much and he was afraid of getting hit.

And fortunately he ended up stopping because you quickly returned to his arms, and it was when he raised your head that he realized how lucky he was to have you. And quickly he kissed you.

He even allowed himself to come and kiss your neck, to tease you a little before you ended up sleeping and, seeing how red you had become, he laughed and kissed the tip of your nose. "Strangely, Madam doesn't say anything anymore."

"Madam says you need to sleep, just like me.." you responded by separating from him, afraid that he would do it again, but you quickly regretted your decision and returned to his arm.

And it was after a long moment of cuddling that you both fell asleep. And Jake was right, the moment was surely as pleasant and perfect as he had imagined during the day. It was even much better than he had imagined.

𓏲 𖧷ˊ SUNGHOON

maybe Sunghoon used the fact that it was raining heavily to make you stay at his place for the night. he had always been the type to be romantic for any occasion, and, the idea of ​​you having to walk home while it was raining like this was almost impossible for him.

except that, since nothing was prepared in advance you had no business of your own for the night and to tell the truth you felt quite stressed since, although Sunghoon had used the rain as an excuse, you had never slept with him before and didn't know how everything was going to happen.

except that, because you were so lost in your thoughts, you didn't realize that Sunghoon was going back and forth throughout his apartment to find you things for the night. and it was when he came back to you that you noticed that he had a girl's pajamas in his hands.

"How come you have pajamas already ready for me Sunghoon?" you asked when you were quite confused about where these pajamas came from although you ended up taking them in your hands.

"I bought one a few weeks ago thinking that you would end up sleeping at my house... I just didn't think that it would be because of a rain" he replied, laughing softly, perhaps realizing- It's odd that he keeps some pajamas for you, just in case.

"oh.. that's really nice Sunghoon thank you very much" you replied with a smile, getting up to place a kiss on his lips before heading to his bathroom so you can change. and you had barely put it on when you noticed that Sunghoon had chosen the right size, so he remembered your clothing size.

As you came out of the bathroom, you noticed Sunghoon sitting on the couch, almost as if he had been waiting for you, and actually he had been waiting for you. seeing you come out of the bathroom he almost rushed towards you to take you in his arms and quickly leave for the bedroom. and his actions directly made you laugh since Sunghoon usually didn't act like that. he never acted like that actually.

then quickly you were both under the covers, one of his arms slipping around your waist as he made sure you were comfortable and almost every time wondering how you felt when he moved to your side or that he moved his arms around your waist, not wanting to make you uncomfortable.

"good night mi amor.." Sunghoon had whispered in your ear, noticing that you were slowly falling asleep while he placed a kiss on your cheek.

"good night Sunghoon.." you replied as you were already falling asleep in Sunghoon's arms, loving the way he held you in his arms.

and after several minutes, Sunghoon himself had finally fallen asleep too, holding you close to him, while his head rested against your shoulder. and even in sleep you were both adorable.

𓏲 𖧷ˊ SUNOO

Sunno had always been quite clingy as a boyfriend, not that you didn't mind, on the contrary. you loved it when Sunoo spent most of his time wanting to cuddle you, hold your hands in his, or any other way to have physical contact with you. he was really cute.

the problem is that, when you offered to spend the night at his place, you hadn't thought about this detail. since even though during the day sunoo was really adorable with all his actions and the way he wanted to have any physical contact with you, at night it was something else entirely.

as soon as you were seated with him, a series on the television, he almost immediately moved closer to you and came to give you countless kisses on the cheeks or even hugs. something which at first was really adorable, then with the angel face he gave you every time, it was almost impossible to say no to him or refuse his cuddles.

except that the more time passed, the more you felt that sleeping next to him for the first time was going to be complicated if he was this clingy with you. "Sunoo, I really love your hugs but if I want to sleep it's quite complicated given how you hold me against you.. can you hold me a little less tightly please?" you asked him just before seeing him stand up, looking at you quite confused.

"Does that make you uncomfortable? Sorry, that wasn't what I wanted.." he replied, realizing that he had potentially made you uncomfortable with his too many hugs or kisses. . "no..! no not at all Sunoo I love your hugs I told you.. it's just that you hold me too tightly and it's not very comfortable to breathe.. so we can continue cuddling doesn't really bother me, but please hold me a little less hard."

and with your words you took his arms in your hands, loosening his grip around your waist to show him how you wanted him to hold you against him. "like that it’s perfect Sunoo.. you sometimes hold me a little too hard against you so it hurts a little.. but if we both sleep next time don't hold me as hard.."

you ended up turning around, noticing that he was sad to hear you say that, and inevitably you placed a kiss on his lips trying to reassure him. "Hey we can continue to cuddle sunoo.. if I hadn't loved you I would have moved away from you and yet I'm still in your arms okay?"

"okay.. sorry I didn't realize that I could maybe hurt you by holding you against me.. I promise I will be careful from now on but if we sleep together I refuse to let you go to the other end of the bed. I need to have you against me love.." he replied to you as he placed kisses on your cheeks again before finishing with your lips.

"I know that sunoo and it's really adorable.." you replied in turn.

and after twenty minutes of talking you both ended up falling asleep against each other, your head resting against his chest as he held you close. and strangely, even in his sleep he hadn't held you so tightly since you told him of your discomfort.

𓏲 𖧷ˊ JUNGWON

as soon as jungwon had opened the door to his room you felt this knot in your stomach appear while you were more and more stressed at the idea of ​​sleeping next to your boyfriend.

Jungwon had always taken the time to reassure you when he offered to sleep with you, because he knew how nervous you could be no matter the situation when you were both in the same room. Not only are these quite disturbing things happening between you, quite the contrary! but because you had reactions due to your former relationship.

so obviously, as soon as you had settled into bed he placed himself directly beside you, his arm placed around your waist and placed a kiss on your cheek before noticing that, despite your comfort, you still had doubts about what could happen.

"eh.. sweetheart I'm not doing anything serious you know that I've explained it to you at least five times today.." he whispered next to your ears trying to reassure you. "do you want us to watch a movie? a series? read a little book to reassure yourself and calm down before we sleep? are you comfortable enough in my bed?"

"Jungwonie.. I'm fine I promise.." you replied almost immediately, a smile gently appearing on your lips as you raised your head to look at him. "a movie can be perfect and yes I'm comfortable Jungwon don't worry.. I'll eventually get comfortable as it goes along it's just strange sleeping with you for the first time.."

"kitten.. I'm going to tell you how many times that you're here just to reassure you and make sure that you're okay during the night so you have no problem, and if things don't go well during the night you just need to wake me up and I'll be here for you okay?"

noticing that you weren't responding, jungwon quickly took the remote and turned on the tv then left the remote for you to choose a movie for you to watch.

you quickly took the remote and after ten minutes of trying to find a movie, you ended up finding a movie that you loved so obviously you started it directly, hoping that Jungwon wasn't going to say anything against it, but he remained silent and placed a kiss on your cheek to reassure you.

then, as time passed and the more you were in the film, you were more and more comfortable with the idea of ​​sleeping with your boyfriend that night and your head ended up resting against his shoulder and his hand came to play with your hair. "you're adorable sweetheart.." he whispered, smiling.

but you didn't necessarily react since you started to fall asleep against him, and noticing your state he let you fall asleep tenderly, loving to see you finally being at ease with him and, he continued to play with your hair until he fell asleep himself, holding you close to him.

𓏲 𖧷ˊ NIKI

when you told Niki that you wanted to sleep with him, he didn't know what to answer while he was trying to find out if you were serious or not. with you Niki could go through all the emotions so obviously, at first he just thought it was just one of your jokes.

"no Niki I'm really serious this time! I really want us to sleep together for just one night please!" you begged as you took his hands in yours and looked at him with the most adorable gaze.

"so it's really not a joke you're playing on me? you really want to sleep with me?" he asked you, almost forgetting that he was your boyfriend.

"but yes!! go this evening, please! plus you're already home, and my mother would be so happy to see you stay!" you used as an argument, hoping he would take you seriously.

and that's how you ended up in your room, the two of you while the television was on but you weren't really watching.

It had been four hours since you discussed this, and Niki still couldn't understand how serious you were about this. he was still lost in thought wondering why.

then quickly the blow of a pillow hitting his face brought him out of his thoughts. How could he not have thought of that? a laugh left his lips when he saw you gripping your pillow while looking at him with a smile, and he quickly understood that you were challenging him.

so quickly he grabbed one of the pillows in turn, and quickly the calm of the room had disappeared while you were both having a pillow fight and giggling like children. after all, acting like children was the best thing you two knew how to do when you were together, so these kinds of activities weren't surprising between the two of you.

It must have lasted too long, or it was simply because you were making too much noise, laughing and screaming like children, but your mother ended up appearing in your room, seeing you both armed with your cousins. standing on your bed. and when you noticed it you quickly froze, hoping she wasn't upset.

and she wasn't. Your mother had simply said that it was late and that you had better go to sleep. to which you answered yes, and while she was still looking at you you finally calmed down and hid under the covers. then she ended up going back to her room.

"I was the one who won anyway.." Niki ended up whispering about the pillow fight you had just come to do. "No, it's me who won.." you replied, whispering too.

except that, being two children, you and Niki had almost started hitting each other with your pillows again, but noticing your movement, Niki had stopped you, taking your hands in hers and quickly her lips were against yours.

"I don't think we can really start again so we'll stop there pretty girl.." he whispered against your lips, and strangely his kiss calmed you down. you ended up kissing him too.

then, after little kisses you ended up falling asleep in each other's arms. Forget your actions as children, even if the next day everything was going to start again for the whole day..

thanks you for reading all of this it’s really sweet ! hope that you liked each of the members scenarios and that you enjoyed reading !

comment to be added to my permanent taglist (for all my post except the series !)

anyways loves you, see you soon !! 💗

[lesboylycan]

huh,

[valenschmidt]

Let’s not spread false information - it’s never been said it WAS supposed to be Tommy & Eddie. It was said it was a possibility, not a guarantee, but it quickly fell through.

Then Tim revisited the idea of bisexual Buck that got shot down (by Fox, I assume cause, well, Fox) and he then made the effort to specifically get Lou, because he is fond of him and yes there would be no need to introduce a brand new character and thus Tim started writing his lil romcom as he calls it.

Well if you wanna get technical let's get technical...

Tim Minear confirmed that he wanted Lucy in the very beginning but since Arielle was not available THAT LEFT TOMMY. So no, he didn't get Tommy because he was revisiting the idea of bi Buck. It was the other way around. BECAUSE Lou was available and Arielle wasn't, Tim decided to revisit the idea he had had during s4.

So no... He didn't make the effort. Lou just was available and Tim didn't want to introduce a new character to explore Buck's sexuality and therefore Tommy

They even let us know in the show that Hen requested for Lucy and Tommy just happened to be there

And then he had to choose... Ryan himself confirmed during my previously mentioned podcast interview that he didn't know to which one of them that storyline was gonna go so yes it was a "possibility" but it went to Buck because Tim (and maybe Ryan) didn't believe that it was a storyline that fit Eddie so Tim went to Oliver instead. Oliver also confirmed that he was approached with the Tommy idea in the early days of preparing either eps 2 or 3 so it was something that was decided as they were filming so Tommy definitely wasn't the original plan

It was ALSO confirmed yes that the main reason Tommy was chosen to be Buck's first male love interest is because Tim didn't want to introduce a new character which doesn't go into bt favor since Tommy's place could literally be filled by any other man

So yes Tim chose him but trust me when I say he's no Endgame. Especially after all the trouble bt have been causing. Tim called it an entry relationship and yes Tommy is important to Buck because he's his first boyfriend. But there are no wedding bells in the horizon...

ALSO LET ME ADD! Thanks to the lovely @/fiooredimaggioo on Twitter that Buck was supposed to have a big storyline involving Natalia and their break up that was gonna go throughout s7 but because Natalia's actress wasn't available this was scrapped

And as we've been able to see in canon... there is nothing tender and positive about their relationship because Tommy doesn't actually listen to Buck or understand him. So yes... bucktommy is canon now but with the way he's been excluded from every promo/bts/content since they started filming (even though we all know he's coming back) well that doesn't sound good, does it???

AND because I'm petty I'm gonna add this. During the days previous to S7 Tim kept posting buddie stills on his Facebook account (the first one he ever posted was of Eddie himself)

Clearly you can tell Tim has a favorite right??? And I shouldn't even bring up the first still of s8 he posted just a couple of days ago...

Oliver liked a couple of bucktommy posts yes but after 7x04 he never liked a bucktommy post again and just kept liking and posting buddie content

And to finalize...

The ONLY post he liked post 7x10 was a buddie one so... if Oliver himself had to choose Buck's Endgame well the choice is pretty clear

Hoped this helped...

[tarjapearce]

Could you elaborate more about the fight Miguel had with your family that was mentioned in the soccer family proposal imagine?

Ayyy! It's the perfect chance to get the angst out of me jsksj. And of course, no relationship is perfect 💔.

What caused the fight Pt3

Gabriel's eyes settled on the both as you entered Miguel's apartment. Solemnity and listless faces dragged inside.

Gabriel was as perspicacious as his elder brother. A habit rubbed on him through the years of sharing the apartment and drunk in mezcal and tequila talks.

You were teary eyed, unable to look him for more than a couple of seconds before acknowledge him with a lip tight smile and follow Miguel to his room like a scolded puppy. The room felt smaller, crumpling around you, almost suffocating. A couple of your belongings scattered around the place.

So far the only indicators that a woman occupied a spot in his life. Silence felt so deafening it crawled and bit on your tremorous skin. Dread had made itself comfortable in your guts along anxiety ever since you left your old house. Cause you'd certainly wouldn't able to call it home.

And after all these years the little to no improvement had only made you oath to yourself that you'd stay as far as possible from them.

You'd notice the white of his knuckles gripping so tightly at the wheel, that when you tried to get a hold of his hand, his hand recoiled from yours. An appalling contrast from hours ago where he'd held you and gave gentle touches to ease and relief your nerves.

You had warned him, and still the both got burned. Him specially. It felt like the person you had as a mother figure was doing it on purpose to upset you and him.

It couldn't be that bad between the both, right? If he was honest, at first he thought that nothing but a small fight had ensued and that you were a little immature about it. But as your relationship kept growing you'd tell him just the highlights of your mother's behavior.

Something that he actually related way too well. He knew that speaking of your family was still a sore point, something you were treating with therapy.

"What's wrong, Miguel?"

"Nada." (Nothing)

"Mentiroso. ¿Qué te pasa?" (Liar, what's wrong?

Silence. You were done with it.

"You haven't spoke much ever since we got back from my old house. You're not... even looking at me!"

"Your family thinks I'm a freak."

You frowned and shook your head.

"And I apologize for that. I warned you about them-"

"Thanks for the fucking late warning"

His massive back heaved with subtle anger as it turned to you. His hands in his waist.

"Miguel..." Your eyes went wide at his words, head buzzed with his hurtful words.

"I bet you didn't even tell them about me."

His accusing tone was certainly tugging too hard at your heart seams. "I barely keep communication with them, Miguel. You out of everyone knows it!"

"Are you ashamed of me?" His self doubt threw daggers at your heart with each syllable that formed the question.

"W-What?"

"¿Qué no oyes? Te avergüenzas de mí o qué?! (Didn't you hear, are you ashamed of me or what?!)

"Le bajas a tu tono que no eres mi papá. No le permití jamás levantarme la voz para que tú lo hagas ahora." (Chill your tone down, you're not my father. I never allowed him to do so for you to come at me like that now.)

"And now you're scared of me"

"Listen to yourself, Miguel! Pull your head out of your ass for a second and listen to how you're talking to me! Haven't I been there for you and with you since last year?"

Gabriel gave a silent whistle as your fight grew loud enough for him to hear everything outside Miguel's bedroom door. He retreated to his room out of politeness.

"Yeah, we've been-"

"Then why you act like I'm being a burden to you all out the sudden? Why are you acting like I'm the one that hurt you?! You know that I'd never do that!. I'm not my family, Miguel."

Your voice cracked.

He shook his head. He had seen the way everyone stared at him when he tried to open the beer with his teeth. Fearful, disgusted.

The exact way he was looking at you.

To say it hurt was an understatement. He was deliberately prying open your chest and ripping your heart out while showing off and marveling at the process of such act.

"You... You don't wanna be with me anymore?"

The question sent a painful jab to his chest, but his wounded ego had taken all the controls on his rational side.

"Maybe it's time for you to get someone that's fucking normal. I'm clearly not. So why staying?"

A hiccup.

"Because I love you, you fucking idiot!"

A sob, and his heart sunk deeper.

Apologize. Now.

His mind chanted but his pride joined in the maneuvering of his spilled and jagged emotions. Adding more dry bones to the fire.

"But clearly this... this isn't working out, isn't it?"

"Clearly."

Your head nodded as your arms braced your quivering form. A meek protection from his cutting words.

"Sorry to have wasted your time then." You spoke in between angry sobs as you removed the necklace he once gifted you and shoved it back to his hand.

His bottom lip pursed as he saw you picking up the little traces of you in a haste. He went for your shoulder gently.

"Mira, yo-" (Look, I-)

You recoiled away from him as silent tears kept rolling down your face. Some watered the carpet underneath your feet.

"You've said enough."

A way too polite 'Don't Touch Me"

You picked up your things in your arms, messily. The room was clutching at your throat, cutting bit by bit your breaths, but Miguel's indifference was the one that made your head spin from the sudden lack of air. He was killing you with his suffocating coldness.

You hadn't mind the little brostbites he'd gave you, but this one had been too bad for you to keep holding it up. The burn had been too much. Too fast and too deep for you to properly process. All you knew is that you needed to get out.

Now.

Bundling up the things in the cardigan, you went out his bedroom's door.

Stop

His steps followed you, but this time he was the one unable to catch up. You were already closing the main door with a quiet close.

His hands trembled as they found their way on each side of his hips. Gripping and provoking enough pressure to at least feel a fraction of the pain he just put you through.

The necklace in his hand still warm. His own heat dulling yours. Just like your smile. Just like you. Just like every damn thing that made him feel good and happy.

Self sabotage was his best trait. Something he clearly forgot to warn you. But it was late.

The texture of the metal chain crunched underneath his fist.

Too late.

[rose-tinted-kalopsia]

i promised ... and i owe ... so many of you thoughts on xavier's "no restraint" card..... SO HERE IT IS, UNDER THE CUT !! i ramble a lot so it's very long 🫶🫶

(this was so hard guys. this card was a whole entire shock factor.)

first of all...... please delight in this reaction image i can offer you. because. any of you who are reading this rn know exactly which part of the card i'm referring to when i say:

(in conclusion, my legs are open)

.. ANYWAY !!!!!!!!! CLEARS THROAT

things we're going to talk about? well, it's me, so (A) character development, (B) relationship development, but also (C) WHATEVER THE HELL WENT ON IN THAT KINDLED MOMENTS SSCENE <3

(A-1) Character Development; Xavier

over the past few cards we've been having of him, i think it's safe to say that we're familiar with a number of his mannerisms, and i've also talked about a lot why that is and what goes into that.

but a lot of it changes in this card. and it's so much more than just the moment of realization he has in 21 days, too. enough that—aside from what we know eventually takes place—we can safely assume that all this occurs after that card chronologically.

exhibit a; tendency to do things on his own.

this is something that i may not have talked about as much, but i'm pretty sure we all know it's there—that xavier has always carried this tendency to do things all on his own. there's multiple examples of this, and it goes way way way back to his anecdotes.

i.e. with "passing by" and "when shooting stars fall", we already have prime examples—

"Whether it's tasks assigned by the higher-ups or senior members, Xavier always completes them quickly and methodically. He works until they're done, but nothing more."

"Xavier stands alone amidst a circle of fallen bodyguards. In the corner, Lawrence is tied up with bed sheets, his neck at an odd angle."

"I notice the wounds on his hands and face. Catching his breath, he holds out his hand, showing me a small, glowing Protocore. This is the first time he's looked at me with desperation in his eyes. When he moves closer, I notice a ring of light around his neck. It's a striking, suffocating red."

in his lightseeker myth, too, he's also the one to take the initiative and look for an alternative to philos' sacrifice. he leaves mc behind, and he leaves jeremiah behind—it isn't until later that he's able to enlist the help of others and form the backtrackers, and even then, they all recognize that he's the most capable one among them. in fact, it's also evident in "from the stars" from world underneath:

"As the leader of the Backtrackers ... Asteroids, turbulence, and the collapse of wormholes couldn't tear Traceback ll's team apart. With Xavier there, they managed to break through the universe's most impregnable spacetime barrier."

"It seems like everyone had a reason to give up and leave halfway except you. Well, you did too, but you wouldn't because no one could replace you. We all thought that you'd still make it to the end, even if you were the only one left."

in the main story, we're also faced with multiple scenarios of xavier going off on his own to do hunter duties, or otherwise a little extra in order to find the protocore that he needs—"heartstring symphony" is also proof of that.

and lumiere's myth is no different, nor is the whole legend behind lumiere in the first place.

"Xavier is missing. He didn't show up on the set, and there was no sign of him at home either ... Since then, I've never received a Wanderer alert on my watch again. Just like Xavier predicted, the dark clouds gradually dispersed, and the heavy rain slowly became a gentle drizzle until it ceased completely. Breathtaking evening clouds replaced them. Dusk falls, accompanied by millions of glittering lights creating a spectacular meteor shower. Long streaks reminiscent of contrails are etched across the sky. Meanwhile, the newest updates are being broadcast repeatedly on the massive screen in the heart of Azure Square. The previously rampant Wanderers have disappeared overnight, leaving behind only some suspicious Protocores ... The doomsday panic, which overtook the city like an inflating balloon, shatters silently as if pierced by a pin."

"Right on cue, my watch loudly sounds the alarm, and I hear the roars of Wanderers from the flames. At that moment, Xavier vanishes, and a beam of light with as much force as a rainbow piercing through sunshine cuts through the collapsed, burning factory. In the blink of an eye, he leaps out of the raging fire, his sword still coated in Metaflux that has yet to dissipate."

"'Threat levels are at least A. I have to go—' 'Stay here. I'll be right back.' Xavier pushes down my shoulder, and a strange red light around his neck is quickly concealed by his collar."

"The red light on Xavier's neck flickers wildly. He swings his weapon, sending out a lightblade to kill the remaining, struggling Wanderer. Smoke created by the dissipated energy rises in all directions. He leans against the wall, trying to steady his wobbling form after the intense battle. 'Abnormal vital signs have been detected. Excessive use of Evol. Disengage from combat immediately and receive treatment...' Xavier turns off the annoying warning on his watch and lifts his gaze to the entrance of an alley, where several shadows are closing in on him."

moreover is the fact that from world underneath, we also know that his collar acts as a suppressor:

"'...Light Evol has been detected. Evolver's Evol limit cannot be defined.' 'Any attempts to probe its limit triggers a special neck suppressor, which prevents the Evolver from using their full power.'"

and yet despite that, he still continues to do what he does, anyway.

a lot of things play into it, and i talk a lot about how his upbringing as a prince must have largely contributed to habits like this. he's used to doing things on his own, and he's expected to, in a way—all the burdens and duties placed upon him the moment he was born, when he bever had any say in it. already in his "when shooting stars fall" anecdote, he's isolated from everyone and constantly surrounded by bodyguards, and mc acted as his only source of freedom by reaching for him past that barrier.

it's also worth noting that most (if not all) of this that he's been doing, is all and always for mc, too—as if it comes back full cycle. it's how he shows his love for her, because it's really the only way he knows how to.

which also brings attention to his always and ever highlighted communication issues—because common in all of these examples up until this card, is that he's been vague about it.

never giving the full answer.

never truly explaining what he's been up to.

and it's something that mc knows; he keeps his secrets well, and they've never really truly talked about these things.

but "no restraint" plays this out a little differently.

"Even though I still want to ask him about where he went, it's only a matter of time before more of Henrik's men arrive. Escaping is our main priority."

And yet;

"I realized I was being followed, which is why I didn't contact you. I managed to shake them off, but I was concerned they might catch up to me. That's why I searched for the Protocore by myself."

—"Why are you suddenly talking about this?"

"...No reason."

xavier willingly explains.

mc doesn't particularly ask—yet he says it anyway. to clear the air, to maybe make it known that he is putting in an effort.

in this situation, he hasn't derived from his habit of going off on his own, but he provides a good explanation of it. there's mediation; he's saying that he trusts her, and he wants to ensure that there is nothing for her to be worried about.

"I just wanted to say I'm not the kind of partner who would leave you behind... I'm also not one of those young people who take things for granted, either."

and he further willingly explains when she does probe him, replying with a reflection of the excuse she gave one of the bodyguards just to be able to get information out of him.

BUT, MOSTLY—

"i know you know" is xavier directly addressing the fact that their relationship has been curated around this trust that they've been starting to build with each other—he knows that mc was not exactly doubting him, yet he wanted to reassure her anyway, as if speaking it out loud makes it official.

sometimes you don't ask for reassurance because you know in your heart that your doubts aren't real. but receiving it never hurts—and that's how this plays out.

xavier has always known that communication has always been an issue with him.

he's willing to fix it, and willing to take that extra step to make sure mc doesn't feel unloved with him. he doesn't want to leave room for doubts.

"i know you know." i know you know i will never leave you, i know you know that i love you. i know you know, but i'll say it anyway. because i mean it. and you don't have to worry.

(LIKE DO YOU GUYS GET HOW IMPORTANT THIS LINE IS? 😭 HOW MUCH IT SAYS FOR THE EXTENT TO WHICH HE TRULY LOVES HER? 😭)

exhibit b; aloofness.

we also know that, while xavier can be pretty intense with regards to the previous point, he's always had this calm, easygoing, aloof nature to him. as if he could fade into the background, as if he's simply floating around like a little cloud—there's this aura around him that simply wants to just... be.

but, again, it's almost as if so much more hides underneath that. like it's not totally 100% inherently him. like it's not entirely natural, like the part of him that's like this is maybe somewhat a façade that he's been putting up for so long, so it's just ended up... becoming part of him, by force of habit.

there are so many subtleties to the way he seems to try to express himself—the little things. microexpressions. involuntary emotional leakage. they last for a fragment of a second, but they're there, and with xavier, they seem to always convey so much more than whatever words he can muster.... because he always finds himself short of doing it in the way he wants to.

again, it goes back to his communication issues.

he's used to being isolated. used to speaking eloquently as he does only when required, but never really quite knowing how to express affection. or, again, how to express himself in general.

"it's like he's just so used to being princely, that he can't let go of it even if he isn't a prince anymore. he wants to, but old habits die hard—he hides so much beneath that exterior still, and it's mc who's able to help him tear down those walls, mc who's able to make him want to try harder to."

and it's why we've always seen this push and pull with him. he has trouble being honest about his feelings, difficulties in telling mc he loves her, difficulties in being direct to the point with her. he'd dodge her questions, be vague about things... hints of directness, but never really pushing forward with it. he'd tease, but it falls short—mc doesn't know if he's being genuine or not. he doesn't know how to convey that. so a lot of their previous cards and previous moments have been very vague. so, so many examples, a very prime one being his lightseeker myth, because their communication issues very sincerely stuck out with that one. and the last intimate card they had—"tender nights"—and in fact, "heartstring symphony" too, very blatantly display how difficult it is for him to convey his feelings the right way.

but... again, "no restraint" plays that out a lot differently.

"If I had known, I would've kept you company until the mission ended."

"When you said no, they said— 'You're a special person. Won't you reconsider?' ... Did you reconsider?"

"'It's just a scratch. It'll heal in no time.' ... Xavier shakes his head, stands up, and leaves the room. When he returns, he's holding a box filled with bandages that have red foxes on them."

"He gets down on one knee and covers my knee with a bandage. The dim light blurs the outline of his hair ... After smoothing out the bandage, Xavier puts slippers on my feet. And then he stands up and leans against the edge of the table, shoulder to shoulder with me."

"He seems to casually glance in my direction. Noticing how I'm wearing a bathrobe, his gaze lingers on me for a second longer..."

"Does that mean you only like the bandage?"

"Before I realize it, his hand that's on the table slides over. He hooks his pinky over mine. 'I'm curious. The cupcake you mentioned—is it your favorite?'"

and...

he's more intentional with his words and his actions this time. he wants to show her that he loves her, he wants to show her that she means a lot to him. and they're still little things, not too major, but there's a certain confidence in the way that he does it. there's sureness. it's less of those awkward moments of "should i, shouldn't i?" and there's way less hesitation.

he's insistent on holding her and taking care of her wounds. he's insistent on having her say her side of things, because he wants to know what she really thinks, too. small staps towards clearer communication—and though the tension may still be high with them in this card in general, it's a kind of tension where you can feel that they're more comfortable.

it's a stark contrast.

this is the xavier that's more than just learning, more than just realizing—he's doing.

you can really see how he's grown as a person.

(A-2) Character Development; MC

BUT it's not JUST xavier who's grown. because like in all relationships, effort comes from both sides. and the main point here, is that mc has learned to trust him a little more, too.

this part is a little shorter, but i really wanted to bring attention to two scenes and how they both play out—and i'd also like to point out the very start of the card.

the card starts off very general and sets the scene quite well, but it also starts off with mc and xavier separated. this becomes largely the topic for discussion as the card goes on, because mc does wonder where he is, and why he isn't saying anything to her.

but it's not implied anywhere that she's particularly upset about it.

in previous cards/interactions, there's always a sense of exasperation behind her words—sometimes, like in "heartstring symphony", she's upset about it. she chastises him, she sometimes makes it known that she doesn't like when he does those things—

but this time there's none of that.

she allows the mission to move smoothly, doesn't react as much once she does hear xavier contact her again... and even if it shows that she keeps wondering where he is and what he's doing, and later on what he has been doing, it's founded on curiosity instead of frustration.

"Even though I still want to ask him about where he went, it's only a matter of time before more of Henrik's men arrive. Escaping is our main priority."

this is the mc that trusts him.

this is the mc that knows she doesn't particularly need reassurance from him, and she can do without it, because she knows what no matter what, she can trust what he's been up to.

and now;

if it wasn't obvious yet previously, this should make it.

because she's not upset—in fact, she's fond.

she recognizes that her own feelings stem from her own desire to have him with her at all times, too, but most of all, she recognizes that there's nothing to be concerned of, anyway.

she knows that in the end, the person that xavier loves is her. the person that xavier wants to protevt the most is her. the person that xavier wants to be with, as much as he can, as much as the circumstances let him—is her.

she's content with that.

she smiles at the bandage, because it's proof of it—he's just treated her wounds, so insistent on taking care of her even if she knows it's nothing but a scratch and that he doesn't even need to dote on her.

but he does.

he goes the extra stew to get a cute little bandage because he knows it'll make her smile more, too.

she knows that, and she's happy.

"You have your secrets too, but you're different from them."

in a stark contrast from the mc we've been used to before that seems a little on edge and unsure and so doubtful of so many things because there's a lot about xavier she doesn't know yet—this time, she accepts it. because they're both working towards communicating more, and being more affectionate... and there's just no reason and no need for be to be concerned.

it's a big step for her to take, and this is a surprisingly big amount of trust she's putting on him, but it's further proof of how much she—they—have grown.

"You're like.. a cupcake I tucked away so I can have you all to myself."

this is also a line that holds so much in it.

it's really struck out to me, and for a number of reasons, too— (1) it further emphasizes how content she is with him and how much she trusts him; (2) it further emphasizes her own growth with relation to how she shows affection; (3) it says a lot about the kind of special treatment she gives xavier, too.

starting with point #2—the mc we see with xavier has always been bold, always the one to initiate things.... but never truly reciprocates.

like the xavier before, mc never really follows through with what she starts. she'll tease, then pull back; initiate, and then abruptly leave him hanging. she's not much better than xavier in terms of showing affection, because although she may seem like the bolder one, the truth is that she's always been scared.

it goes back to the level of trust she has in him.

because she doesn't know too much about him, it prevents her from truly acting on her feelings—she doesn't know what to expect, doesn't know how far she's allowed to take things.

teasing remains teasing.

not this time.

we also see the level of sureness she has in her actions with the way she initiates their more intimate moments later on; she might have started out as coy, but not once did she back away from it... if not for the fact that she encourages it, even.

"I tug at his sleeve, unable to figure out whether I'm meaning to be flirty or not."

she says this, but she still continues. because she knows what she wants, and she trusts him with it.

then you bring that all together with point #3—the allusions to her own personality.

"You're like a cupcake I tucked away, so I can have you all to myself."

to me it feels less about her reciprocating his more possessive nature, and more about her views on how she's been cherishing him.

tucked away.

she uses past tense.

she could have very well said "a cupcake i tuck away"; which would imply that she frequently wants to hold him close to her to save for when they're alone.

but this is a cupcake she tucked away.

and to me it feels like she's held on to him so long... without actually appreciating him for who he is.

it's like having a pretty dessert with you, one that's too pretty to eat, so you keep for yourself for a while. and you... don't eat it. even if you're supposed to.

it's like getting a precious jewel, but you're too concerned about it being stolen from you, because it's just that precious and beautiful—so you keep it. you don't wear it, whether outside or wherever. you don't. wear it. even if you're supposed to.

and that's not appreciating them for what they are.

to me, it feels like that's how the change in tense makes mc's words appear.

a cupcake she tucked away—hasn't eaten at all. like how, with xavier, for all that she's been fond of him, she's never onve bridged the gap between them on her own, either. she's kept him at arm's length, doubted him, and everything else that comes along with all the communication issues they've always had.

this time, she recognizes it—and i'd like to think that in a way, she's also apologizing for it. she admits, out loud, to herself and to him, that she's been pretty selfish. she hasn't been treasuring him and cherishing him the way she needs to be. she hasn't been reciprocating when he's affectionate. she's been only shying away when he initiates something. she knows she's been like that, and she's saying—i'm not going to be like that anymore.

and again, it goes back to trust.

she trusts him.

and because she can trust him, she can love him how he is, for who he is.

"so i can have you all to myself" feels a lot more like, "so i can finally love you."

and then we get to this scene.

for one thing, she doesn't deny their relationship at all; for another—their conversation on "love" feels very striking to me, too.

"but he can be a little mischievous sometimes."

"isn't that just love?"

and then...

"you're not wrong."

it's like a very direct jab at xavier and his way of being affectionate; the teasing that he does, and the way he's sometimes a little vague, sometimes a little awkward—but he's trying, and he's becoming more sure of himself, too.

and xavier's way of showing affection is truly reserved for her, because there's really none of that awkwardness with anyone else—he doesn't try so hard.

mc seems to be, here, descriving that nature of him as "mischievous".

it is, in a way.

but she also knows that it's love.

that it's his way of showing love.

she recognizes it. she accepts it.

she's learned things about him, too, and she's thinking... all of it can be compiled into this little word called love.

there is love between both of them.

and we can say that at this point, they're pretty far into their relationship.

they've gotten quite comfortable with each other—they're being touchy, the playful banter is light and easy... and they're definitely working to strengthen the bond that they have. their communication has improved SO much... i'm so proud of them 😭

it's definitely not a fully developed relationship; they're still a little shy around each other, there's still a lot of tension that's hard for them to navigate. it seems they've also yet to cross the " i love you" barrier, or at the very least, that it's difficult to say—plus, mc is exceedingly embarrassed to find xavier had overheard her conversation with the receptionist.

yet... when we move on to when they start to get intimate, it's also very interesting to me that it goes so smoothly—and it's definitely not their first time.

but it's a first something.

and it doesn't make the moment any less full of emotion.

this particular sequence honestly had me so INCREDIBLY confused at first, because why on earth would he be trapped right;

but then you look into who xavier is and how he's been with mc, and it goes back to that—he has so, so much love for her that he simply doesn't know how to deal with it.

he's pleading her.

he's saying that if she continues drawing him in like this, what with how much he always feels for her, he's not going to be able to hold back.

it's a trap, in a way.

xavier is still trying his best to discern what it means to show love to someone—because all these years, he hasn't been able to learn that properly. and yet now that mc has fully grasped her end of the stick, now that she's confident and sure of what she wants and how much she feels for him, it's bringing forth a bubble of emotions that he can't seem to describe.

it might not be their first time, but i don't think that xavier ever moves on from what it feels like to be wanted by her like this.

it's scary, because he doesn't know how to navigate things like this.

"It's almost as if tiny flames are flickering in the depths of his gaze. They're faint yet ready to ignite my soul at any moment."

xavier, who's been raised with the notion that he has to know things, to be able to potentially lead his people as the future king of philos...

this is something he doesn't know.

and like how mc was always afraid of how uncertain she was with him, right now, he's afraid because he has so much emotion ready to burst forth that he doesn't know what to do with it.

there's an aura of disbelief that makes it so hard for him to grasp.

it's always been "i will love you in every universe"—for the both of them.

and now, he's having the full realization, maybe for the 928482857th time since they've become official, that she's saying those words back to him. that if he can love her in every universe, as every version of himself... then she can do the same for him.

she wants to do the same for him.

she is doing the same for him.

"she loves me."

"she wants me."

he's pleading with her to take what she wants, because she has all of him.

and then we go back to mc's confidence—because she realizes he wants this to proceed in exactly the same way she wants it to, and she's willing to become his undoing.

and even if he technically switches and takes charge in the next second, it comes to fruition that her giving him consent in this way is what breaks him free of that bubble.

"don't hold back", is all that this is, really.

and he doesn't.

and it's just, not really just about the tension they've built up to get to this moment—the coy excuse of using the protocore's supposed effects—there's so much that goes into it, with the way they feel, with how their desires are so blatantly displayed just like that, with how their love fuels how much they need each other.

it's almost funny, in a way, because it's as if both of them are saying "take me, i'm yours." at the same time. and then it becomes less about possession... and more of a complete and utter surrender to each other.

and i think that's beautiful.

(which also. BONUS? but if this doesn't signify how focused xavier is on giving pleasure and at the same time how easy it is for him to lose himself in the moment and feel good because you're feeling good—i don't know what else will ✋)

(also like. the aftercare... the morning cuddles.... the hickey mc left on him 😭 i love them so much..........)

IN CONCLUSION . . . . THIS CARD MADE ME FEEL MANY THINGS.

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK 😭✋

[lemotmo]

one thing i'm a bit worried about as we got into season 8 is that there are a lot of fans talking about buddie like it's an inevitability and saying things like "buddie canon confirmed" because of the bts stuff we've seen.

it feels like people are setting themselves up for being disappointed and mad if buddie doesn't end up going canon (and honestly, it's kind of their fault for reading so much into fun little posts from the cast when the only way they'd ever confirm buddie is in an episode).

i really want buddie to be canon, but I'm keeping my expectations low because I don't want to be disappointed and it feels like people should be prepared for that potential outcome.

All right Nonny, here's the thing...

I get it. I completely understand what you are saying. I have been in the 911 fandom since season 1 (not so much on Tumblr) and when season 2 happened I hopped onto the Buddie train (on Tumblr).

I have been there, season after season after season. I saw people building up a lot of hope only for that hope to end up in disappointment. And I felt some of that disappointment as well. Although I have to admit I was always on the sidelines. I never really thought it would ever go canon. I hoped for it, but I had very low expectations.

After all, both men were canonically straight. Even though we could all see the queer-coding, fundamentally nothing ever changed. Buddie got closer than ever, but they still had girlfriends and relationships.

So yeah, I didn't have high expectations and I was happy just chilling in my little Buddie corner, speculating and reading/writing fan fic. Just genuinly having a good time.

But then season 7 happened. The show got cancelled by FOX at the end of season 6 and ABC picked it up. The first thing ABC did was put Ryan and Oliver front and center, having them freely talk about Buddie. I couldn't believe my eyes when these interviews happened. Articles were written, not just by smaller click bait sites, but actual reputable magazine sites. I watched all of this with wide eyes, not sure what to think of it. 'Would they? Could they?'

Then another bomb went off when 7x04 happened and Buck came out as bisexual. I was floored. For the first time in 6 seasons, I started entertaining the idea that the show might just go there. If they made Buck bisexual, surely they wouldn't ignore the highly popular Buddie aspect of it? Would they?

Let's not get into the whole Tommy debacle that happened afterwards. Because in the end it's not important for this answer. Tommy has been set up as a narrative device to help Buck out of the closet. He isn't even a factor in the overspanning Buddie arc we've seen progressing over 6 seasons.

I also want to add that it's crazy that we know for sure that it was actually supposed to be Eddie who would come out of the closet (first).

The end of season 7 gave us an Eddie who told Kim that he is broken and he can't be fixed. Chris left and now he's all alone. No more Chris, Marisol or any other distractions. He is on his own now. Lots of time to reflect upon his life and relationships. His arc will be built around his emotional journey and his personal growth. And we all know who will be by his side for all of it. It's a given at this point.

Then we have Ryan doing these interviews, saying things like:

“The character has been established now, we kind of know what to expect with the vibe. Now it’s just kind of falling back in old rhythm. The only thing different now is where the character’s head is at and where he is going.”

Next to that we have new looks for both Ryan and Oliver. A new beginning perhaps? That moustache has some clear queer symbolism attached to it as well. Something we cannot ignore, because the show knows that its fans aren't stupid and they also know that they have a solid queer fanbase.

And yes, Ryan and Oliver seem happy and relaxed on set these days, while especially Oliver didn't seem all that happy at the end of season 7. In fact, Oliver has completely ignored the Tommy aspect of his new 'canon' relationship. He speaks more about Buck's bi journey and ignores the Tommy factor as much as possible.

So Nonny, if you read all of the above information (and I'm sure I forgot a bunch of stuff) how can you not become more hopeful and a lot more positive that there is a high chance of Buddie happening in season 8?

I'm all for protecting yourself from possible disappointment, but when you are constantly wrapping yourself into a protective cocoon so you don't get hurt in the process, you might just miss the best (and most fun) part of being a shipper: the experience of your slow-burn ship finally becoming canon.

I admit it! I too strongly believe Buddie might just happen in season 8. I'm almost completely sure.

And yes, if Buddie doesn't happen, there will be disappointment and there will be people who choose to express that disappointment through anger. But honestly?

They would kinda have a point.

Because no, it wouldn't be the fans' own fault for getting their hopes up if Buddie doesn't happen. During previous seasons I would have said 'yes', but not now. Not anymore. Now I would definitely say that they are right. It's the show itself that has gotten our hopes up by the consistent Buddie promo, the many Buddie scenes, the whole Eddie being in every part of the BT arc thing, the bts and all the other things they've thrown at us. They know exactly what they are doing. They are hyping Buddie up to the max.

I don't actually believe there will be disappointment though. This is truly the first season where I have been pretty confident that Buddie is in the works. I've never had that feeling before and I've been here forever.

Now that being said, complete certainty doesn't exist for a shipper. if, for some reason, Buddie doesn't happen? There will be disappointment (for me as well) and anger (for me not so much), but in the end that emotion will fade and Buddie will become just another great fandom experience with a bad ending. We've all been there before. It happens.

That is just the nature of being in fandom: 'You win some, you lose some.'

However... this time? With Buddie?

I really think we're about to win big. Sorry Nonny!

¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

[authoreetea]

𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮

pairing ; rafe cameron x reader

summary ; rafe lost you

warning ; angst!!:( sorta feminine y/n

note! taylor swift inspired again 😛 she is my inspiration. I hope u likieee

I smoothed the skirt of my dress, and straightened my back. It was yet another night forgotten by my boyfriend, Rafe.

It was supposed to be our fifth anniversary. I prepared his favorite meals and wore his favorite black dress, but I can't say I'm surprised. Each year I felt our love fading. Despite all my efforts trying, trying to build it up again.

He just can't commit to me. I wanted to be a bride, and he's out there making his own name. Ever since his father died and left him, he took over the business, which did nothing to help our deteriorating relationship.

I stood up from my chair, the food in front of me was cold along with the untouched silverware that sat and waited an hour and half with me. Another meal, another dress, another day disregarded by him.

Cleaning it all up, I put the food in the fridge and started putting the plates away. Until I heard the door. He walks in with a tired look on his face, and his formal shirt unbuttoned.

He sighs deeply when he sees me putting dishes away. He sits down by the bar, his hand running through his hair until his face, he was obviously exhausted and so was I.

Somehow, Rafe Cameroon still managed to look good while tired and beat up from work. His blue eyes were a window to the blissful memories we had when we were young and in love. The once vibrant connection between you two began to unravel, threads of affection fraying under the weight of unspoken fears.

I stood in front of him, tired of all the times I stepped down and lowered my standards for him. "You forgot." I simply said, monotonously as I grabbed the bottle of whiskey from his hands and pulling it away from him.

He makes a frustrated face at the loss of his alcohol, just as he is confused. "Forgot what? I just need a drink, y/n." He said, his voice deep and weary.

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms. "What day do think it is, asshole? Am I the only one to care for this damn relationship?"

He pulls his hand up to rub his temple. He lets out a groan, "It's just Wednesday... 16." Rafe's blue eyes widen as he realizes what is so significant in this day.

I let out a loud sigh, frustrated. I turned my back at him and walked out to our room. He groans again before following after me.

"Look baby, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to forget, I've just been so busy." He tries to resonate, with the same excuse all the time.

"Oh please, Rafe. The same damn excuse every single time, I'm so sick of it!" I said, incredibly upset at his antics.

"Please, baby. I'll make it up to you, whatever you want."

"You always say that! I want to be in a relationship where you don't need to make up for anything, Rafe! Don't you understand?" I cry out, tears starting to pool in my eyes.

"No, you don't understand! I am under so much pressure right now, y/n! And I need you to understand for now." He says, obviously irritated.

I look up at him, with my brows furrowed and my lips pouting.

"Really, for now? We've been playing around like this for a year, Rafe." I say, quieting down. I held onto myself as I felt dizzy, wanting to curl up into a ball and cry my feelings away, but this had to be done.

Rafe looks at me pointedly, about to say something but I beat him to it. "We... We've been through so much, my love. But it feels like we're slipping away, yet we're still at the same place we are five years into the relationship..." I took a deep breath, my voice wavering and tears softly pouring.

"Do you even see a future with me? Were you ever gonna propose to me, Rafe?" I ask softly, trying my best to cover the shakiness in my voice but failing.

"I'm sorry, y/n but you know that's not for me, especially right now with everything going on." He quietly says, His eyes were haunted and distant, actively avoiding mine.

What used to be lit with love and filled with joy, this room was bleak and the air was miserable.

I could feel my heart shattering. I smile at him sadly. "Three years, even before your father died, you've been saying that. Why can't you commit to me?" My voice was shaking, so were my hands. I was sounding desperate, my vision was blurred with tears and the lump in my throat kept forming into something bigger.

He takes a deep breath, walks towards me and cups my cheek, brushing the stray tears away with his thumb. "You know I'm not good at it, never have been." Rafe said, a painful admission of his own shortcomings. The realization hung in the air, heavy and suffocating.

I pull away from him, pushing him with my palm against his chest. "We can't keep drifting like this. I won't settle for uncertainty, Rafe."

"I'm sorry, y/n." He says, out of words to try to mend what is happening.

I let out a hollow chuckle, my eyes still pouring waterfalls. "I wouldn't marry me either, I guess. I just wanted you to see me again."

His eyes softened. "It's not like that, baby. I will marry you, just not now." He says, reaching for my hand.

I pull away. "If not now, Rafe, when? in another five years?" I say, desperate as I gasped for air.

"I mean, why not? If it means still ending up with you I would take the chance, y/n!" He says, his eyes wide and pleading.

I shake my head no, "Rafe, I can't. I cannot keep waiting for a commitment that may never come." I whispered, my heart breaking with every minute that passes.

He keeps muttering no. Rafe understands what this is leading to and it scares him. He looks at me begging, grabbing for my hand. "Y/n, please don't do this. I'll marry you right now, don't leave." He says, his eyes teary and his hair was messy.

I smile at him with tears in my eyes, "Not like this, Rafe. Maybe this is better for both of us." My voice was so quiet because If I was an pitch louder my heart couldn't handle it anymore.

Rafe's once lively blue eyes looked at me with regret, "I'm sorry, baby. please." he says, pleading and almost as desperate as I've been feeling.

I shake my head no, and for the last time, I turned and walked out.

And with that, the fragile fragments of our love slipped through our fingers, lost to the winds of uncertainty and the echoes of unfulfilled promises.

[markliving]

MISS YOU

pairing: gojo satoru x f!reader, platonic!megumi x platonic!reader synopse: After his relationship with you ends, Gojo meets you again in the middle of a mission, where he didn't expect to see you there, and rescues you, ending with a somewhat revealing conversation. warnings: exes to lovers, drama, fluff, a little of angst, happy ending. word count: 2499

Gojo Satoru's eyes were wide as he recognized the person walking a few meters in front of him. It had to be her, or else he was freaking out to the point of seeing his ex, who he hadn't seen in a few years and who he was still in love with, body and soul. Yes, the strongest sorcerer in the Jujutsu world was still in love with his ex, a normal person, with no powers, with no knowledge of the world in which Satoru lived. This last fact, which then, was the trigger for a painful ending for both of them.

Yuuji looked at his teacher in doubt, they had stopped suddenly, just like that. He moved his gaze forward, in the same direction Gojo was looking, in search of what the other was looking for, but he didn't find anyone he knew.

“Sensei…” Yuuji thought about asking something, but Gojo quickly cut him off.

“Come on, Nobara and Megumi must be delirious by now.”

Satoru had a thousand thoughts circulating through his mind at the exact moment they started walking again. He wishes had the courage, the lack of shame in the face, to go to the girl you saw seconds ago and act as if nothing had happened. But how would he go up to the woman and say: “Hi, how are you? It's been a long time since we've seen each other.” nonetheless, at that moment there, not even he could say what had happened to him.

When they arrived at the mission location, where Megumi and Nobara were waiting for them, the girl was the first to realize that something wrong had happened. Gojo had his hands in his pocket and had whispered “let's get this over with” to the three, and for those ones who already knew the teacher they had very well, where most of the time he left the three of them to deal with the curses alone, such words and posture were alarming.

“Are you okay?” asked Nobara, receiving a yes from the oldest, who began walking towards the abandoned building.

“He saw a woman when we were coming, and he's been like that ever since” commented Yuuji.

“A woman?” This time it was Megumi who asked. The gears of his brain tried to associate each woman he found in the apartment he shared withJoy, After all, he was her guardian, and only one woman appeared in his mind, the only one who really seemed to love the white-haired asshole.

The other boy nodded in agreement.

“Are you going to make small talk there or what?” They heard Satoru's voice, who was still waiting for them.

The second time Gojo saw the mysterious woman was in the presence of Megumi. Gojo and his need for sugar caused the two of them to be in that situation at first.

It was still a Tuesday, and it seemed that Megumi was two steps away from killing the man next to him. Satoru had forgotten to restock the cupboards and fridge, and when they saw, there was nothing edible enough for them to eat in the morning. He could still hear Satoru saying that eggs with lettuce and milk were a good combination, but his stomach turned every time he thought about it.

After the oldest realized that even he didn't want that, they headed towards a bakery close to where they lived. The bread and some snacks that they sold ready-made were Megumi's favorite choice. And the opposite of Satoru's, who got three strawberry donuts and a coffee with extra sugar, it shouldn't even be called coffee anymore because it was so absurd.

They sat at a table in the back and ate what they ordered. From time to time, Gojo exchanged a few words with the boy, who responded briefly, until the moment when Megumi started to stare at something behind Satoru, who bitterly regretted killing his curiosity by looking at the person Fushiguro stared. 

“So she was the one who left you stunned that day on the mission” Megumi commented seriously. “I didn't know she had returned to the city.”

“Neither do I” replied the oldest.

You didn't seem to notice the presence of your ex and the boy you promised to protect at all costs, even though you glanced in their direction a few times, and Satoru was eternally grateful for that, he wasn't ready for a meeting between you two.

“You should talk to her.” It seemed like Megumi had read his mind, but in a totally opposite way. “Apologize for making an idiot of her, or maybe tell her that you're an idiot and did everything wrong, or just tell her the truth.”

“Sorry Gumi, I know you liked her” he shrugged, “but the past is the past.” The way he said it was funny, because he didn't even believe he had said that.

And for the second time, in less than a month, he spent an entire day thinking about the woman who he still had dreams in certain nights.

Satoru was a busy man, that was a fact. After Itadori Yuuji ate one of Sukuna's fingers that night at school, his life became even busier. The Jujutsu world had become a worse mess than it already was, and he was the strongest sorcerer. He, Gojo Satoru, carried a huge burden, the burden of being the strongest, the one who should protect the world… and it sucked.

The curses were more aggressive, and the one looking directly at him seemed to embody this fact. The curse was not of a high level, at most level 2, but it was smart enough to take hostages. There were others like the other curse, his students were taking care of it, but the building was huge, and they weren't sure how many curses were there. This whole situation was rare, he had never seen several different curses together in the same place.

“Sensei!” Megumi shouted from some room in the hallway they were in.

Gojo made a straight and quick gesture with his hand, immediately leaving the room and the curse, heading towards Megumi's voice to reach him. The corridor wasn't that long, he even found one of Megumi's dogs going to search one of the rooms that was still missing, he arrived at the last door, which was half open, opening it completely and finding the boy standing in the middle of the room along with his other shikigami.

“She's here” said Fushiguro, upon seeing Gojo at the door.

 He wanted to ask who, but his brain quickly rattled off the facts of the past few days and who he knew who could, one in a million, work in this building. He remembered a while ago, when you had mentioned at some point that you had received a job offer at the company in that building, and it seemed like his entire body had gone into a state of shock. If you were here, you had accepted the proposal.

“Where is she?”

“Upstairs. There's no one there yet” Megumi replied.

He had no idea what was going on in Gojo's mind, he would guess that the feelings he saw the older man harbor for a whole year after the two broke up were coming out little by little in that exact moment. He hoped the man wouldn't do anything crazy or anything like that.

Satoru didn't even think twice about teleporting upstairs. He was about to do something crazy if any of those curses had touched you. And it didn't even cross his mind that the reason for their breakup, as soon as you saw it, would come back to the surface when they found each other, after all, at that time he promised himself that keeping the secret about being a sorcerer was better than nothing.

The rooms on that floor were larger, appeared to be used for company conferences. There were few places to hide, and for the first time in his life, he prayed to some deity that you were safe. As he searched one of these rooms, he heard whispers from what sounded like a child and an older person counting numbers under their breath.

“What is a child doing here?” he whispered to himself.

“Who's there?” The person inside the room asked.

Satoru recognized that voice very well, how could he not? He spent almost 3 years listening to you whisper his name several times, among many other things.

“[Name]”  he called for you  softly.

Without thinking twice, he opened the half-open door, where he found the woman he loved so much in the same way he remembered, along with a girl, who looked to be about seven years old, holding your hand and with her eyes all teary.

“Satoru, what the hell are you doing here?” His face was surprised, and for a second he could see a trace of relief coming from you.

“Shit… We need to get out of here.” He  was scared as hell.

Gojo approached you and took your empty hand, leading you and the child towards the fire escape. In his mind, he thought that if they went down that way it would be safer, and they would find Megumi downstairs.

“T-there are some monsters here” stammered you, letting go of the hand that Gojo was holding and stopping.

“I know that. You need to get out of here as quickly as possible.” The man spoke quickly. “Megumi… he's downstairs, he can help you better than me.”

Upon hearing the boy's name, your eyes widened, thinking about why he was in this building, and only then did it sink in that nothing made sense. The building where you worked had been attacked by horrible creatures, your ex-boyfriend was in front of you, exactly as you remembered, with the eye band thing and everything, and the boy that you saw Satoru take care of for three years, was on the floor below doing who knows what. 

“You need to get down now.”

Two hours after the incident, Satoru, Megumi, Nobara and Yuuji were in the hospital corridor waiting for news from you, the last two not knowing why Gojo and Fushiguro seemed so apprehensive. They didn't quite know how to start a conversation with them and ask who the woman in the room was, without wanting to seem intrusive or anything like that, but the silence was already bothering them both.

“Sensei, who is the wom…” The door was opened before Yuuji could complete the sentence, revealing the silhouette of a woman, the same one he had seen a while ago and that left Gojo unregulated.

“What are you doing here?” asked you when you saw Satoru and Megumi's faces, along with two other children that you had never seen.

“We wanted to know how you are” Megumi was the one who replied.

You didn't really know how to react to the boy's response, as you didn't expect such an act from them, especially from Gojo, who was looking at you from behind his strip with a thousand thoughts in his mind.

“Can we talk?” The man got up from the bench and stopped in front of her. “Alone.”

Nobara and Yuuji left looking like they didn't like it very much, wanting to hear the future conversation between you two. Megumi seemed a little reluctant to leave you guys alone, however, after you gave him a small smile as a sign that he could go without worrying, he left you two.

“Look…”

“You have a lot to explain, Satoru” you cut him off. The more you tried to put things together, the more confused you seemed to get.

“Me and Megumi... we can see those things.” He was so distressed that he didn't even notice his shoulders falling after feeling like a weight was being lifted from his shoulders. “And we have some powers.”

“Like Harry Potter?”

“Harry Potter?” asked Satoru, a little shocked by the meaningless association you made and receiving a nod.  “No. It has nothing to do with Harry Potter.”

“Then…”

“We are sorcerers. These creatures you saw today are curses, they are born from negative feelings, and I work to kill them.”

“Why the hell didn't you tell me this before? — you asked, irritated. The pieces of the puzzle little by little begin to fit together in your mind. “ You are idiot?”

“What?” Satoru was stunned.

“Did you do all that fuss because you didn't want to tell the truth?”

And there it was, the dreaded subject had arrived. The albino's heart was out of rhythm, he thought it would be easier, he had lied for your good, he was the strongest jujutsu sorcerer, what if some curse attacked you without him being around? Two hours ago, he saw that his thesis was blocked by past events.

“I thought if I walked away, you'd be safer,” he replied. His hands were sweating, he didn't know where to put them. “You are too important to me, and I couldn't bear to lose you.”

“And you still lost me, didn't you?” Satoru seemed to have received a bucket of cold water, after such words from you. “I spent a whole year wondering what the hell had happened for everything to end so suddenly. I've loved you all this time… I mean, I still think I love you, but it doesn't matter anymore.”

Satoru opened his mouth and closed it, dumbfounded. He expected everything except “I think I love you”. A year had passed and, just like you, he still loved you.

“You love me?” You seemed not to be paying attention to the words coming out of your mouth and when Gojo asked such a thing, his penny seemed to have dropped as well.

“I… it's a lot for one day, Satoru. Hours ago I was being attacked by some monsters, and now, here we are arguing about our old relationship.”

“Go out with me again,” he said. “I'll tell you anything you want, and if you think it's no longer possible, I won't go after you again. I just need a chance.” He sounded like he was begging.

The voice inside Gojo's head said that if he didn't do something now, he would probably never have the chance to do it again. He hated the fact that he might lose you a second time.

“I know I made a big mistake with you, and I regret it bitterly. But I just need a second chance.”

"I swear, Gojo Satoru... I swear if you do anything like that again, I will curse you for the rest of your life."

Satoru at that moment promised himself that he would never hurt you again the way he had done in the past. He didn't know he could miss a person as much as he did in that one year apart, and he wouldn't want to feel that way again. Having someone you love by your side was comfortable.

a/n: i hope you guys liked! And my ask are open for request 👋

[gayerthanevertbh]

infidelity | futile devices pt. 1

pairings: fuckboy!natasha romanoff x fem!reader

natasha romanoff masterlist | series masterlist | navigation

summary: you and wanda have been best friends ever since you were little babies, and you’ve went through a lot with her. in august 2019 when you met wanda’s girlfriend, natasha, you completely fell in love with her. what happens when the three of you create a love triangle that could possibly ruin everything?

warnings: intense staring, infidelity, and nothing much since it’s only the start of the story.

author’s note: enjoy the first part of the story! what do you want to happen in the next part? let me know!

Years ago, before I knew what futile devices were, I met Wanda at kindergarten in our small town in New England. She started out as a bully, but after we ate lunch together, I knew we would become more than just a bully and a victim. Since then, she has protected me, especially from those who didn't like me very much. I may have had a crush on her at first, but I was aware that if I said anything inappropriate, our friendship would end. I couldn't stop myself from having a crush on Wanda Maximoff at the time. She was a tall brunette with big green eyes who always tried to protect me. We've been through so much together as best friends, and we even shared our first kiss because no one would dare to kiss me. Wanda, on the other hand, always saved her first mind-blowing kiss for me, and it was surprisingly good when we did it. I recall her saying, "There you go, now you can kiss anyone in this room," but that never happened. I was too afraid to be in a relationship after witnessing Wanda's, which was not particularly good.

She told me the meaning of futile devices while we were in the park together. “Beyond words,” she says. “Futile means vain, pointless. In other words, if you want to say your love for them, you can’t. It’s just too much.”

“Is that supposed to be romantic?” I asked, she only lets out a controlled chuckle before drinking from her flask.

“Sure, if you want it to be.”

Since then, I knew that I could never describe my love for Wanda – because it was too much, too impotent, and vain. If I say it out loud, what would she do? Perhaps she would leave me in the air, possibly never speaking to me again. But knowing her so well, I knew she wouldn’t do that to me. It was still scary to say it out loud, and I’m sure that I could never say how much I love her – no matter how painful it could be.

We stayed friends until we graduated from high school together. Wanda had a boyfriend named Chucky, and I was with Brandon, my date because he was the only boy I could find. Brandon was with me the majority of the time because I didn't want to be alone this summer. I suppose you could say he was my first boyfriend with whom I never lost my virginity. We split up when our first semester began. When he left me, I didn't feel too much emotion; in fact, I was relieved that he did. Wanda asked why I was always smiling when she brought me chocolates after my breakup.

“Aren’t you sad that Brandon left you?” I shook my head, eating the last piece of chocolate bar in the wrapper. “You’re so weird, you know that?”

“Yeah, but I’m your weirdo.”

She only laughs, agreeing with a nod.

“Yes you are,” she said. “Let’s just watch a movie, yeah? We still have to study tomorrow.”

Months later, I was working at a bakery shop while Wanda was trying to learn to be a bartender since it’s always been her first dream job. I did like my life for a little while, working at a bakery shop was the best thing that ever happened to me. Wanda did like hers since she came home with a drunk look on her face. When August came along, we started to become distant from each other. I don’t know why. Maybe because I’ve gotten so busy with my job and my school work, and she was always out since she has a new girlfriend. I never expected that from her, dating a girl. I mean, I always knew that she was bisexual, but it was unexpected when she told me that she was truly in love with this college girl from a different university.

I was a little jealous because Wanda had been spending too much time with her instead of with me, and if I had to lie to myself, I'd say I was happy for her - but I wasn't. How could you choose someone you met two months ago and decide to leave me hanging? What happened to both of us? This isn't going to last, I tell myself. That was something I had to tell myself in order not to get hurt. But every time she comes home, I get the impression that I'm no longer number one in her heart.

In the third week of September, Wanda decided to bring her girlfriend over to our apartment, with our two friends from the university. While I was preparing for dinner, our friend Peter and Kate was at the door. I opened it slowly and gave them a big smile on my face since I don’t know what other emotions I should use.

“Did you only invite us because Wanda has this amazing hot girlfriend?” Kate giggled, which I nodded in response. She knew that I was joking, I never thought I have humor.

“Are you also excited to meet her?”

“Hey, maybe she’s nice!” Peter exclaimed happily, walking towards the dining area as he sits beside Kate. “It’s only the right time for Wanda, I mean she always has this boyfriend or girlfriend until she’ll break up with them two weeks later.”

“She seems like a green flag,” Kate said. “Aren’t you happy for her? You guys have been best friends ever since you came out from your mother’s vagina.”

I chuckled, “We met at kindergarten.”

“The point is, you should be happy for her. I know you’re still in love with her–”

“We don’t talk about that.”

“-But maybe you should start moving on,” she finishes herself, sighing deeply. “I have a dude for you, his name is Steve. He’s in my class.”

Will this guy help me move on from Wanda Maximoff?

“Oh yeah? What does he do?”

“He’s apparently taking medicine, which means he’s also not available. People who take medicine are always busy, like extremely busy.”

I turned around, shrugging my shoulders. “So what’s the point of me dating this guy then if he’s not available?”

She mimicked my shrug, playing with her fingers. “I don’t know, I was just suggesting–”

“Thanks for the suggestion but, I’m good being on my own.”

I’ve always been on my own, even though Wanda was always around.

30 minutes later, I heard murmuring from the other room, and I realized Wanda had brought her girlfriend, who had caught my eye. She was tall - but not too tall - and had her hair tied in the back of her head; she also had green eyes like Wanda, but hers were darker, so I couldn't see the details of her pupils. When the woman caught my eye, I turned away and hugged Wanda briefly, asking, "So this is her?"

“Yeah,” she replied. “This is Natasha, my girlfriend for a month.”

I cast a quick glance at Natasha and shook her hand; it was calloused but not too rough on my skin. She smiled warmly and said, "It's nice to meet you, Y/n. Wanda has told me lots of stories about you.”

“Like how I’m such a bad friend?” I said in a joking matter, watching as Wanda playfully rolls her eyes. “I’m glad you can make it, how about you sit down? The food is ready.”

I returned to my table and sat beside Wanda while Natasha was in the opposite direction, her eyes roaming all over the place. I assumed that she was enticed by our home since it was full of framed paintings and a telephone from the corner of the room – it wasn’t working, we just decided that it looked nice in our apartment.

“So where do you study, Romanoff?” Kate asked while drinking from the wine glass that I bought from a dollar store. Natasha sighed and placed her fork on the plate, slowly chewing the food.

“I study at Columbia,” she responded quietly. “I met Wanda at my university, and we hit it off right away.”

“But aren’t you from NYU, Wanda?”

“I just had a quick visit at the university, to see if I still had other options.”

“Were you ever going to tell me that you’ll be studying at Columbia?” I asked, trying my best not to show defectiveness about this conversation. “I thought we agreed to study together and graduate in the same school together.”

“That was the plan, and I want to study with you,” Wanda said, sighing through her nose. “I was just looking at my options. If I didn’t end up studying at NYU, then I’d study at Columbia.”

“But if you ever did study in Columbia, were you going to tell me?”

I was hurt by this information since Wanda knows that she was my only friend, and will always be my best friend. Before we even started college, we both agreed that attending the same school was the best option. I guess she changed her mind after meeting Natasha, who appears to be my nemesis. It’s not like I didn’t want the best for her, but her going to the same school as I made me feel like I was important to her. I would say I’m a little self-centered.

“Of course,” said Wanda with a small smile on her face, holding hands with Natasha. “We still live together, you know? What would be a harm studying in at another university?”

She was right, she has always been right.

I caught Natasha's gaze while we were eating and talking about physics, which I dislike talking about because I despise science. Her eyes appeared... hungry. But I couldn't assume she wanted me that way because she had Wanda, so I shifted my gaze to Kate's. But I could still feel her eyes on me as if they were glued to me only. When I returned my gaze to her, she was staring at Wanda. As strange as it may sound, I liked how she gave me those stares in her eyes because no one would ever stare at me like that.

“What do you study, Y/n?” Natasha asked, eating a forkful of meat that I had just baked in the oven.

“Literature,” I replied quietly, placing my foot on top of the other since I feel like I’m having anxiety talking to this woman who looks like a senior. “You? You seem like a person who doesn’t study.”

“And she speaks,” Wanda giggled, causing everyone to laugh too. “Who taught you how to talk back, missy?”

I shrugged, “Just myself.”

"Photography, in case you were wondering," the redhead replied, wiping her mouth with a tissue as she drank a bottle of beer that I had opened for her. "I photograph places, people, and a variety of other subjects. That’s why me and Wanda are a match, she likes photography.”

There was no way I'd ever match this obnoxious, self-centered, narcissistic individual. I wouldn't call her a narcissist, but she certainly has the appearance of one. Plus, why am I thinking that I could ever get with her? She clearly has those lovey-dovey eyes on Wanda; not me.

“What year are you in?” Kate chimes in, looking at Natasha with curiosity in her eyes.

“Fourth year,” she said. “This is my last year, actually. After that, I might move back to Ohio.”

“Why Ohio?” Peter suddenly asked. Natasha only sighs in response and takes another drink from her beer, smacking her lips together, as if she doesn’t know what to say next or do. Yet, she still replies in that husk tone.

“I have a family there,” she slowly responded, looking briefly at Wanda and then towards me. “Wanda says you’re from Ohio too, that’s where you two met.”

“That’s true,” I said. “But we moved to New York shortly after high school, I’m not technically from here.”

“It seems like it, you don’t have that New Yorker accent.”

"But Peter does," Wanda laughs as she pours herself another cheap red wine and swirls it in her glass. "How do you like living in New York?" It's as if we're in our thirties, but half of us are only in our twenties, and Natasha is almost in her late twenties because Wanda told me her age.

“It’s great,” he says in a positive tone and clasped his hands together on his lap. “The rent is expensive, but it’s all good. I still like the smell of the air here, it never gets old.”

“New York isn’t the most ideal city,” Kate chimed in again. “But you know, they have good schools here. My parents are billionaires, so like I don’t really have to worry about rent.”

“I wish I lived in your life,” I murmured, smirking at her playfully, which Wanda saw and felt uncomfortable in her seat. Was she jealous? “You have billionaire parents and live that rich life, I’m just a girl from Ohio who is incredibly in love with her job.”

“Didn’t you say you work at the bakery?” now, Natasha’s eyes were on me as she spoke. I slowly nodded my head before taking a sip from my wine glass, licking it between my lips. “Do you like working there?”

“It pays the rent, so yeah.”

After dinner, Peter and Kate said their goodbyes and returned home, leaving just me, Wanda, and Natasha on the couch. I was scrolling through Tinder on my phone when I noticed Natasha giving Wanda a head massage and kissing her on the forehead. When I see them do this, especially right in front of me, it makes my stomach churn. How did Wanda find someone so quickly and not me? Why isn't she head over heels in love with me? Why can't I be the one? But if I keep comparing myself to this woman, I know I'll end up feeling terrible.

“You guys should get a room, you’re making me want to vomit," I muttered under my breath, turning off my phone to get a better look at them - but that turned out to be the most sickening thing I've ever done because I was watching them kissing sweetly right in front of me, causing me to stand up and walk back to my room. I went to bed with my lights turned off after a quick warm shower and skincare routine. They were either going to kill me or that girlfriend Wanda had brought into this apartment. Throughout this eventful evening, her eyes were on me instead of Wanda’s – which is kind of suspicious.

I took a deep breath and rolled over on my back, clasping my hands together as my palms sweat. I'm not sure what was wrong with me; I just had this strange feeling about Natasha. Something thumped inside of me when I met her. I sighed and whispered, “Futile devices, how ridiculous that sounds.”

And it truly does if you think about your best friend’s girlfriend.

it gets real in the next part lol

[schrodingerscougar]

Note: Seriously, I have no excuse for the Toranaga fics. Here's a modern day one. Please, enjoy, then kindly point me in the direction of works from others.

..

Toranaga remained silent after Blackthorne finished talking and waited for Mariko to translate for him. You watched him with curious eyes, looking for small changes in his expression that would tell you what he was planning this time. Because you knew many things about him, one of them being the fact that he spoke English quite well.

Once the conversation was over, he asked Mariko to be with their guest for the rest of the day to help him communicate with others and get to know your customs better. After they left, he asked you to go to the roof with him so you could talk in private, away from the people who were dying to find out more about the outsider.

“Please, enlighten me. Why are you making the Englishman believe you don't speak English?” you asked Toranaga once you stepped next to him by the railing of the rooftop.

The man looked at you with a small smile as his fingers played with the small box he held in his hand. What it contained you didn't know, but something told you it was none of your business. “I believe I shouldn't make things easy for him just yet,” he said after a while.

You tried to resist, but your eyes kept falling on the box in his hand. It was a small and simple cardboard box, not something that would seem particularly precious. It was killing you that you had absolutely no clue what it was hiding, and why he had been playing with it ever since you joined him up here.

“You want to know what's inside, don't you?” Toranaga asked with a laugh as he opened his palm and held the box close to you. You shook your head without thinking, even reaching out to close his fingers around it, but he gently pulled your hand away and showed you the object once again. “Take it. It's yours anyway.”

“Mine?” He nodded with that kind smile still visible on his lips. So you took the box and opened it, only to find another box inside. But it wasn't another cardboard box, no. It was a blue jewelry box that had a beautiful white gold ring with a yellow diamond in the middle inside. “I don't understand, what is this?”

“I believe you already know. We've been together for long enough to understand what we want from this relationship. This is what I want,” he explained.

You didn't know what to say. These were trying times for all of you, a proposal wasn't something you could think about. There were people after him, his life was in danger, he had a strange Englishman as a guest, and he was thinking about this? If you didn't know any better, you would have assumed he went mad.

“You have nothing to say?” he asked, bringing you back to the conversation with only these five words.

“Why now in the middle of this mess?”

Toranaga decided to wrap an arm around your body and pull you into a kiss, probably hoping this would make you focus on his proposal instead of your fears regarding the future. His future. He was right as usual, you were terrified those idiots would get him killed.

“I want to hear you say yes before I die, that's all,” came his response as he placed a soft kiss on your cheek. “Don't you want to stay by my side as my wife?”

You flashed a delicate smile at him then put your arms around his neck to pull him against you. “That's all I want,” you whispered to him before burying your face into the crook of his neck.

People had warned you not to let him close, to keep a safe distance from this man who was way more powerful than you could handle. At first you followed the advice, especially because you saw what he could be like, how cold and scheming he was with others.

But then you saw a different side of him. A softer side, one he seemingly reserved for you, and only you. Gentle touches, romantic getaways, generous gifts; he did everything he could to sweep you off your feet. Maybe it was a trap, but maybe he was genuinely interested in you. Either way, you couldn't resist for long.

The two of you joined Blackthorne and Mariko for dinner in the evening, going to an excellent restaurant with a private room to talk a little more. Through the other woman, Toranaga asked a lot of questions about the Englishman's intentions. He assumed he came here looking for something that had been hidden a long time ago, a relic that held value only to a small circle of people.

You remained silent and listened. You weren't allowed to talk to the outsider yet because your fiancé wanted you to stay out of whatever mess he was here to cause. He would have rather thrown Mariko under the bus right now. It was cruel, but he was only protecting you, you knew that.

“Why don't you ask him about the relic? Go on, ask him about what object they've been hiding for a long time,” Blackthorne told Mariko once he had enough of the cross-examination.

She looked confused, hesitant to speak up at first. Knowing Toranaga understood everything made her more cautious and you couldn't blame her. Of course, Blackthorne didn't speak Japanese, so he wouldn't have understood what she said. But despite this, she was carefully choosing each word when she spoke up again.

“Lord Toranaga, the relic he's talking about… Is it real?” she asked.

“It is very much real, I can assure you,” he said before turning to his guest and switching to English. “I believe you are chasing a myth, Mr. Blackthorne. This relic went missing a long time ago.”

His lie made you nervous. What was he plotting this time? But the biggest surprise came from the other man whose jaw dropped upon hearing him speak his language.

“You bastard, you understood everything I said, didn't you?” he asked angrily before turning to you. “I bet you understand everything too.”

“Whether or not she understands you doesn't matter as I asked Mariko to translate, not her.”

Blackthorne laughed at this. “You don't want your lover to be involved? What are you afraid of? That she might realize what a manipulative piece of shit you are?”

Toranaga glanced over at you for a moment, then turned back to the Englishman. “You should learn to choose your words more carefully,” he warned him. “You saved my life, for which I'm grateful, and you are my guest, but I won't hesitate to get rid of you if you make the wrong choice.”

You shivered because of the way he talked to Blackthorne. This was the man people warned you about, the one who was usually nowhere to be found when you were around. He exchanged a few words with Mariko in Japanese, then stood up and extended a hand to help you up too. It was time to leave apparently.

Before you left the room, your eyes met Mariko’s and you couldn't hide your worry. She flashed a small smile at you then nodded to tell you she would be fine. You returned the smile then said goodbye and went after Toranaga. You didn't dare to resist.

[lllivia]

"I kinda knew you had a thing for me"

Shauna Shipman x f!reader

summary: Shauna comforts you after you and your boyfriend break up

Warnings: not proofread, slowburn, prb cringy and cliche

_

"Shauna!" you call as you knock on her front door for what feels like the 100th time.

"Shauna are you home?"

Sighing you stand up on the tip of your toes to look through the window of her door and into the hallway for any sign of her, nothing.

With your red, puffy eyes you scan around for just one more second before giving up and sitting down on the stairs in front of your best friend's house, feeling too sad and exhausted to go home.

_

"Y/n?? What are you doing here? You said you were going to Tom's house today"

Shauna asks as she jogs up towards her yard, still clad in her well known yellowjackets uniform with a worried frown on her face as she sees you sitting with your knees drawn up towards your chest and the hood of your jacket pulled up over your hair.

"He broke up with me" was the quiet response she got in a low and broken voice as you look up from your lap. "I went over to his house earlier this morning and the only thing he said was that he didn't see our relationship going on any further and that he has found a girl that makes him happier than I ever have" you continue and sniffle as you try to hold in the inevitable crocodile tears.

"Oh sweetie" Shauna said and pulls you up, embracing you tightly into her arms and gently leading your head into the crook of her neck as you cry.

Despite just coming back from soccer practice she still managed to smell like her signature vanilla perfume comforted you.

"I don't know what I'm going to do, we've been together since 8th grade and I've practically surrounded all my life around him ever since then!" You squeeze her tightly and sob, finally letting all your emotions out after holding them in check since you left his house.

Shauna rubs your back and lets you cry into her shoulder for a couple of minutes before softly speaking up and turning your head to meet her eyes by taking a hold of your tearsoaked chin. "Y/n, baby?... How about we go to the diner down by the old bowling alley and get something to eat, maybe it'll make you feel better with some food in your system"

"Mm yeah.. yeah that sounds good" you sigh and step back, wiping your eyes on the sleeve of your jacket and directing a wavering smile up at Shauna.

"Let me just quickly take a shower and get changed first"

_

You sit in silence the first half hour, slowly eating your food as you listen to the 80s music silently jamming in the background.

You're not even completely sure why you're feeling this way, you and Chris had been fading away from each other for months now, and you knew that it was only a matter of time until you finally broke up your stereotypical high school relationship.

Other than that you were also starting to feel like the romantic emotions you had for him hadn't even been sincere for a while, the only thing keeping you from leaving was the emptyness you would be left with after so many years with a boyfriend.

"...are you feeling any better yet y/n?" Shauna speaks up after a while, breaking the tense silence as she notices how your gaze had drifted off into space.

"Hm? Oh yeah, thanks Shauny, I really needed this" you say, smiling up at your friend and blushing slightly in embarrassment as you get back from your thoughts.

She nods pitifully. "Of course sweetie, I know how hard this must have been for you" She says and reaches over the table for your hand, running her thumb over the softness of your flesh. Her own thoughts running wild as she thinks of all the times she secretly wrote in her journal about how she wished for this to happen.

Your smile widens. "I'm really happy to have you in my life Shauna, you're the best friend anyone could ever wish for"

"Of course y/n, yk I would do anything for you, anything" She says still smiling sweetly as she tightens her grip on your hand almost possessively, not noticing herself do so.

All you can do at the gesture is look away, slightly flustered as you try to think nothing of it.. You didn't want to admit it, even to yourself, but the last couple of months while your feelings were fading for Tom, they were embarrassingly growing for Shauna, everything she does - every lingering touch she leaves on your arm or when you catch her staring in your direction before she turns away, saying you had something on your face, they all make you feel all tingly and warm inside, you knew that you'd somehow managed to obtain a crush on her, but that didn't mean she had to know, you weren't even sure she liked girls, and if she did then the first person she would go for was probably her teammate Jackie.

-

"Fuuck, you know exactly how to get me in a better mood Shauny, I love this place above anything else!" you say, mouth still full of the sweet buttery dough and eyes filled with laughter at something Shauna just said.

You'd already been at the diner for a little over an hour now and your plates were starting to empty.

"Of course" She giggles, she'd quickly turned your mood from a 0 to a 100 real quick.

"Wanna get out of here? I'll pay the bill for us m'lady" she says and jokingly winks before almost knocking over her water glass. "Oh shit!"

You only start to laugh again, the thoughts of your now ex dissipating into thin air.

"Ok, follow me home?" You ask after your breath slowly returns to your lungs. "Yeah, sure" Shauna smiles back before paying the bill and grabbing her jacket as you head outside.

"So, you think you'll be okay? He meant a lot to you, didn't he" She says from her spot on the sidewalk beside you, her fingers anxiously playing in the pockets of her flannel as she tries to sound like she wasn't slightly bitter about your relationship.

You guys had always been super close, having been friends since the first day of elementary school, but one thing you never really spoke about was relationships, it had become a sort of unspoken rule that you guys had after Shauna once got unreasonably angry when you tried to tell her about the first time you made out with Tom.

"I'll be fine.. I think I'm mostly just kind of surprised, I always thought I would be the one to break up with him" you joke awkwardly and glance down at your shoes.

"And I think this was actually a good thing in the long run, we both had very different views on everything and I think I deserve to be with someone who loves me for who I actually am and not who I'm pretending to be."

Shauna quickly glances over at you, her mouth opening slightly to say something before she closes it again, deciding against whatever it was.

As the minutes go by in what feels like mere seconds, you eventually reach your house.

"Thanks again Shauny, you really helped me take my mind off of things" you say.

"I wouldn't have done anything less" she responds, her eyes flickering down onto the lower part of your face and she seems to hesitate for what she wants to say next. "I.. I want to tell you something" she finally continues after a painful couple of moments.

"Are you feeling alright Shauna-" You start to say, a crease forming between your eyebrows as you notice her shuffling around.

"I like you"

Silence.

She tucks a strand of dark hair behind her ear nervously. "I'm sorry that I'm suddenly saying this now but I really like you, like as more than a friend" she rambles "I've liked you for so long now, and I just can't go around pretending like I don't anymore. I know this is selfish of me to admit on the same day you got broken up with and I'm sure this is really confusing but I just had to tell you how I feel before some other stupid guy decides to see what I see in you and swoop you of your feet before I even get a chance to say something" She finishes slightly out of breath and considers running for it when you don't immediately respond.

"I like you too"

She looks up to meet your eyes once more, not believing what she just heard had come out of your mouth.

"What? But-"

This time it was your turn to interrupt her as you grin up at her. "Just kiss me"

Giggling you start leaning towards her, poking her arm when she just continues to stand still, seemingly shell shocked.

Her attention immediately gets drawn back to you before she pulls you towards her, arms quickly wrapping themselves around your waist as she not so carefully slams her lips onto yours, making you both stumble slightly. Her lips slightly chapped against yours as her teeth catch onto your lower lip.

You continue kissing outside your front door until you have to pull away for air feeling starstruck and dizzy.

"Well.. I kinda knew you had a thing for me" Shauna says, her arms still wrapped tightly around you as she smirks in a cocky manner, seemingly forgetting that she was about to start sobbing on your doorstep just a couple of minutes ago.

"Shut up dumbass"

_

a/n: please tell me if there's anything I can improve with my writing as I haven't written anything in a year.

This was all written at 1 in the morning so if anything is kinda confusing it's probably bcs I'm about to fall asleep 😭

Also if you liked this feel free to send requests, I really don't know what to write about 😍🙏

[yamamasjumpercables]

For Tonight

Part 2

Warnings: kissing and cussing nothing big💃🏾

a/n: finally found inspiration so I could finish writing this

For tonight, I'm yours

So deny the truth

We'll stay behind closed doors

It’s been 2 months since you and Matt had your biggest argument ever. You were still hurt by the words that slipped out of Matt’s mouth. You wanted a break from him, his voice, his touch, everything that reminded you of him. Every call, text, insta or snap dm. You ignored all of it. You haven’t eaten as much or slept as much, even though you didn’t want anything to do with him at the moment. You just hoped he was thinking about you. Matt on the other hand was stressing out. You not answering any of his attempts to get you back in is arms gave him panic attacks left and right, in which his brothers tried to help him calm down. He was stumped he didn’t know what to do to fix what he fucked up. Nick and Chris still refused to tell him what to do to win you back. Matt blew up your phone every chance he got, and when he was in any videos the triplets had filmed he never spoke as much only thinking about you. At this point you were all he could think about. Your laugh, face, smile, voice, touch. He needed a plan, and a good one at that.

Cause all I wanna do is lie with you

Even though it's wrong to lie with you

We've become numb to what we know is wrong

Matt decided if he was gonna get your attention he needed to see you. He drove to your place and knocked on your door waiting for you to answer it. You walked to your front door looking through the peephole to see, Matt with a little smile hoping you’d answer the door. You opened your door slightly just enough for him to see your face. “What do you want”. You say annoyed. “Y/n I’m so sorry for what I said to you, I didn’t mean it I was just so upset” Matt said apologetically. “First you could’ve told me this over text, and it’s not only what you said it’s just the way you have been acting lately, and those had to be your true words that came out from all your anger” You said sternly. “I tried calling and texting you but you never answer me-“ Matt was cut off by you. “Why are you here Matthew” You ask annoyed. “I was here because I wanted to see your face, I miss you so much Y/n I can’t live without you and I can’t sleep without knowing how hurt I made you feel” Matt said trying to grab your hand that was on the door, in which you took your hand back. “Please Y/n forgive me for what I have done to us, you and this relationship”Matt said tears rolling down his face. “Matt I can’t fully forgive you knowing, that we would end up back in the same situation once again and it leads to a full on fucked up break up” You say with watery eyes. “Let’s just take it slow then Y/n, just like when we first met” Matt says wiping the tears that feel down your face. “Ok, ok what do you have in mind” You ask looking at the blue eyed boy. “Meet me at the dance studio, and wear something nice” Matt said excitedly. “Umm ok what time” You asked him confused. “Nine on the dot” Matt says messing with his silver ring that was on his ring finger. “Ok see you then” you say softly closing the door.

But no one knows but us

The feelings rush every single time we touch

Even though it's what we want

Nine o’clock couldn’t come sooner for Matt. He had a everything set up, all he had to do was get dressed and not fuck his only chance to get you back. You were currently getting ready for what Matt had planned out for you. You had a nice dress on that hugged you perfectly, gold accessories bringing out your complexion. Your face was beat. You had did a nice style with your hair that framed your perfectly. You put on some perfume and started heading out. The studio was a good 10 minutes from your place and it was already 8:30. Matt was in the studio setting up the music and fixing the lighting in the room. He had bout your favorite flowers and wore the cologne that you loved on him.

Can't keep this up for long

But I just, I just don't wanna leave you

Might just, might just throw away the reasons why

It was finally nine o’clock. You walked into the dimly lit studio, seeing Matt in his best outfit, holding your favorite Flowers, and rose petals on the floor. He had on the biggest smile from seeing you. Every time Matt saw you his heart would beat out of his chest, palms would start getting a little sweaty, he’d practically lose his voice, and stop breathing. It’s like he’s seeing you for the first time. Matt was always a nervous wreck for you. “You did all this for me” you asked him with watery eyes, you tried not to cry after seeing what he did. “I know it isn’t much, but I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me dispite the shit we go through I love you so much I don’t see myself with anybody else but you” Matt says with tears rolling down his face. You start walking towards him tears on your face. “Matt I love you so much, I miss you everyday I wake up to my empty bed it hurts me so bad” You say wiping Matt’s tears. “I just miss you, all of you Y/n” Matt says putting the flowers down, grabbing you hand placing them on his shoulder. Matt places his hands on your waist not before taking his phone and playing the music.

We both can't lay here

And secret, secret, both gotta keep it

Honest, honest, that's just a game we know (know)

We both can't play

The song that was playing was the same song that was playing when you and Matt first said “I love you”. This song meant a lot to the both of you. You and Matt were dancing together just a simple two step, looking into each other’s eyes. Admiring the person in front of them and how crazy they are over each other. “You look beautiful Love” Matt says taking your hand spinning you around. “Thank you, you look handsome Matt” You say putting you arms back in it’s position around Matt’s neck. You both couldn’t take the tension anymore. Matt pulled you into a passionate kiss. All your feelings was sealed in that kiss. You and Matt will never fade apart, you guys will forever be together forever. Too obsessed with each other to let each other go and risk them finding someone who could never love them like the other did. For tonight and always you guys were each other’s.

For tonight, I'm yours

So deny the truth

We'll stay behind closed doors

'Cause all I wanna do is lie with you

Even though it's wrong, I'll lie with you

This took a little minute(a while) but I finally finished this little series 💃🏾💃🏾🤝🏾

[decaffeinatedbasementchild]

Umbrella Academy season 4:

I finished the entire season a few nights ago, so lets talk about some things;

I haven't checked in with the fandom in any way, but from most of the tiktoks i've seen, not many like this season. Completely understandable, makes sense, especially after seeing that weird (a lot of people used the word:) predatory relationship which went down between Five and Lila. I definitely did not see it coming, and though I don't find it predatory myself, as they are both consenting adults, since Five is in the body of an (i think) 20-something year old, but has the mind of an (if i remember right) 60/70 year old(?). I think how it happened can also be an excuse; they were trapped together for (what felt like to them) 7 years. Not to mention that Five had probably been lonely for some time now, and though Lila claimed that her marriage satisfied her, I really don't think it did.

This all however, is totally not an excuse for their behavior. Lila was married with three kids, and Five was the brother of her husband. They were in-laws, which does add to the weird pile.

The only thing I really enjoyed about their "hang", was their travels through all the different timelines. And now we have another academy (The Phoenix Academy), that's just a fun thought. I would have loved to see an episode where they explored the different timelines with different academies.

In other news: I love Luther.

I'm sorry, but I just do. I think the way he desperately tries to keep everything together when it comes to their family is commendable. In previous season, I always hated how he excused Reggie's behavior, but now that he's left that behind and focuses solely on his siblings instead is adorable. Both and he and Allison have given up on the whole incestuous relationship they had, and now they don't even mention it nor acknowledge it. Though normally I would say that that's not a healthy way to deal, I think it's actually better to just leave it all be.

Yes, I know he's kind of pathetic. Yes, I know he is also somewhat selfish. No, I do not care. He's trying very hard to be cool older brother Luther and cool uncle Luther. I think his whole descent into sex work should have been talked about in a better way, but somehow he always brought it up as a thing he enjoys doing? I'm not going to go into prolematic things that the writers have been doing, but this is definitely one of them. There's nothing consensual about sex work, and it should never be shown as something that one might enjoy doing.

This is one of the first actual seasons, however, where we get to witness Diego doing his thing! (I know we've seen him do some other tricks, but they never been this detailed.) I was so shocked to see him do his little spin in the air to redirect the bullets during the second episode, but I was disappointed to see that Lila did NOT care.

Talking about Lila and Diego, did anybody else catch that one part in the first episode about how they basically had the twins accidentally? Diego explains to Luther that though he loves Lila and his kids, he feels exhausted and not at all satisfied. Then he explaines that they had the twins through Lila telling him that since she was breastfeeding, she couldn't get pregnant. It's unclear now if they were both mistaken, but just the way he was talking about it, it felt like to me that he felt betrayed by Lila. I'm pretty sure that Lila was aware that she could still get pregnant, she just knew that she wouldn't be able to convince Diego, so instead she did this.

Viktor is as cool as ever. He's always been very cool, but thinking back to all other old (pre-transition) Elliot Page roles, its so noticiable how uncomfortable he was in his body, and getting to see him now, playing a male character, whos not only accepted by his siblings but Reggie too?! Amazing. And him bonding with Reggie? Delicious, I ate that right up. Reggie calling him "boy" (and other masculine nicknames)? Love, love, love.

This is one point for the writers and Netflix, this is exactly how Hollywood should handle an actor coming out, and I hope that this will be an example for future media that will feature transgender actors in the middle of transitioning.

Klaus is our little weirdo who DESERVES a break. He needs it. Please.

We get to see him clean this season, but I did not expect him to behave like this while off drugs. Honestly, I'm not sure I expected anything. I guess I kind of just thought he'd do drugs anyway? Or that he'd get clean but still behave somewhat the same way.

Poor Klaus was also a character subjected to sex work this season, it just made a bit more sense this time. He definitely did not enjoy it, that was something they made very obvious, but they still couldn't do it just right. It was awful watching him have to make a choice between getting money to pay off his debt and leave or a sole condom for "dealing" with costumers. They didn't make it obvious how many clients he really had, but through dialog, you could kind of guess that he had way more than the one girl whose money he tried stealing.

I loved seeing his relationship with Allison this season. And I loved his relationship with Claire even more. I felt the scene where he went home to rob Allison's place so he could get money to buy drugs was realistic, but since I've never had any experiences with addiction of that kind, I won't speak on it.

The villains of the season were kind of nothing if I'm being honest. I loved their sense of style, but other than that they were basic, text-book style villains, who were mostly around to just help the story along. They weren't too memorable, but neither was Reggie's wife? Partner? I'm not sure who she was, or if she counts as a villain or not? I didn't really understand her role, but I did like how she treated the siblings the first time they met.

Then there is Ben and Jennifer.

I feel like we never really made Ben an official part of the siblings, even though he is supposed to be. His relationship with Jennifer was very cute, but once again, it was not too memorable, even though it was supposed to be the main story of the entire season. I find it weird how it all looks unplanned while also being completely planned? Like, you'd assume that ever since season 1, this has always been the story of Ben's death, and yet it still feels like it just wasn't? It feels like they were putting this whole thing together blindly, and then someone thought of the right thing and that was what made it all make sense.

And I don't like how things with Jennifer went unexplained! What does that fucking squid have to do with anything???

But anyway, other than all that, this season was a very basic example of a Netflix series. It was entertaining but not deep. It was a good watch, but I don't think I could ever do a re-watch. I think it was overall, just nice.

[melanieph321]

Ruben Dias x Reader - A House Is Not A Home Part 3/8

This damn chapter 😭😭

Ruben's wife dies during childbirth along with their son. Ruben hasn't been in a relationship since. Y/N is a single mother to a four year old boy. She buys a house in the small town that Ruben lives in. The house needs alot of fixing which Ruben helps with, resulting in him slowly falling in love with Y/N. However, falling in love with Y/N makes Ruben feel like he is betraying his dead wife.

Enjoy!

You and Ruben found a good rhythm. He helped you clear the ruins of your house, loading the waste onto his truck in order to take it to the local junkyard. Despite spending three days clearing the house it still felt like you were only scratching the surface.

"Once we've cleared the last of the wood, you'll be able to move back in." Ruben assured.

"Yes, that or I might have to move into the barn." Your attention was drawn to to the old shed out by the fields. To both yours and Ruben's suprise, it had been able to sustain the harsh winds from the storm.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Ruben said.

"Why not?" The barn looked perfectly inhabitable to you.

He didn't answer, as there was no reason why you couldn't have access to somthing on your property.

"I'm serious Y/N."

He tried to stop you as you started crossing the field, making your way towards the barn. Ruben claimed that it belonged to him and he intended to keep it that way.

"I thought you were a real-estate agent?" You said, still marching on towards the barn, Ruben at your heals.

"What, no." He frowned. "I own a hardware store in town. What made you believe that I was a real-estate agent?"

"You sold me this house didn't you?" Including the barn.

"Yes, because I used to own it."

You stopped walking. Ruben's chest heaved up and down with his heavy breathing.

"You used to live here? In this house. My house?"

Ruben nodded. "Yes."

"Well, what's wrong with it?"

"Huh?"

"The house, what's wrong with it?"

He frowned.  "Nothing?"

"Then why did you sell it to me, a perfectly fine house?"

Ruben looked taken back by the question, searching for a good answer without finding one. You were shocked and frustrated by this revelation, as you had always assumed that the barn was part of the property, your property.

"Well then,  if there's nothing else."

Determined to assert your rights as the new owner, you decided to enter the barn anyway. Ruben made one last attempt to try and stop you, but you pushed past him and walked inside. As soon as you did, you gasped in surprise. The barn was filled with all sorts of treasures - old furniture, toys, and even a baby's crib. It looked like someone had left everything behind without any intention of ever coming back.

"Ruben what is all...." You turned to look at him. He stood by the barn door, holding it open.

"Are we done here?" He asked, the expression on his face startling you.

"Um I....sure."

You left the barn, Ruben shutting the door behind you. The walk back to the house was quiet, awkward even.

"I have to get back to town, run some errands." Ruben stood by his truck, looking at you impatiently.

You nodded. "Okay."

"Do you need me to take you back to Kat and David's or...?"

They were letting you stay with them as long as you needed to

"No. I'll manage." You said.

Ruben nodded. "I'll see you later then."

He hopped into his truck and drove away. Leaving you stranded with your many questions. Back at Katarina and David's you told them what happened over dinner.

"Poor Ruben." Katarina sighed.

David wiped his mouth with a napkin. "We've tried to get Ruben to sell that house for years now. It's been very difficult for him."

"Why?" You asked.

Katarina reached for her husband's hand as the two of them bowed their heads in sorrow. David then rose from the table to retrieve something out of a cabinet. It was a picture of two young girls not older than ten years old.

"These are our daughters, Emily and Gina." David said, pointing to the image of the two girls. You never knew that the two of them had children. Where were they?

"Emily is our oldest."

"And brightest." Katarina smiled.

"But Gina, she had a spirit like no other, always running around, dreaming of being a firefighter..."

"Or an astronaut."

Katarina and David seemed to complement each other as the two of them spoke joyfully about their two daughters.

"But Gina she was special in many ways. You see she was born with a heart condition, genetically passed onto her. We knew her life would be different from her sisters, shorter that is. That's why Gina always lived her life to the fullest, always in a rush against time. She married young..."

"To the most handsome man she had ever seen." Katarina qouted her daughter, tears of joy streaming down her face.

"That man was Ruben." David confirmed. "They met as Emily and Gina were getting their degrees at the University of Manchester. Gina and Ruben were so in love, head over heels. And as Gina confirmed her pregnancy she told us about her and Ruben's plans to by a house, to move back home and raise their family here, where we could be with our grandchild all the time. But as her pregnancy enveloped there were a few complications..."

"Caused by her heart." Katarina took the turn to speak as David was unable to, struggling to hold back the tears. "She died giving birth to our grandson. The doctors says her heart simply couldn't take it."

Silence fell around the dinner table. You wanted to say something, anything, but there were no words to mend the pain that Katarina and David had to endure following their daughters death.

"And your grandson?" You dared ask, but by then Katarina and David seemed to have collected themselves.

"He passed away along side his mother." David said.

How tragic. You felt so sorry for them, for Ruben.

"As you can imagine it really took a toll on Ruben. Gina had been very upfront about her condition, but as stubborn as Ruben is his feelings for her never changed. A real good man he is."

"But..." Katarina said. "None of us expected her death to come when it did, let alone Ruben. The house he and Gina had built....he has never been able step foot in it again, let alone sell it. Well...until he sold it to you, of course."

Why was that? You wanted to ask. Why were you the exception? Just then your phone vibrated in your pocket. You looked to the display and excused yourself to take the call, slipping out onto the back proch for some privacy.

"Yes?"

"Mommy?"

"Hello baby, how are you?" Your heart swelled at the sound of your son's voice.

"Mommy, when are you coming home?"

"Did grandma tell you to ask me that?"

A chuckle. "Yes."

You smiled. "Well tell grandma that this is my home now, exactly where I'm at. It's your home too, you know?"

"When are you coming to get me?"

"Do you still mark the days on the calendar I bought you?"

"Yes!" Your son cheered. "Grandma helps me."

"She does, that's good. Ask grandma how many days are left until the train comes to pick you and grandma up to come and see me."

There was a muffled sounds on the other end of the line. Your son running with your mother's cell phone in his hands. You left the porch and puttered around in Katarina and David's backyard, careful not to step on any of the planted flowers.

"Mommy."

Your son returned to the line.

"Yes Johnny?"

"Grandma says there's ten days left until the train leave."

"Ten days. Well then, I'll see you in ten days baby."

"I'll see you Mommy."

"Love you, bye."

"Bye."

You hung up the phone, a large smile on your lips. That smile faltered however, seeing Ruben standing on the porch, arms crossed, fingers drumming his biceps.

"Ruben." You exhaled. You didn't think you'd see him for a while after your little disagreement at the house this morning.

"Aren't you cold?" He asked, somthing very distant in the way he adressed you.

"I was on the phone, I was just about to head inside." You said.

"With your husband?"

You frowned.

"On the phone." Ruben uncrossed his arms,  stepping down from the proch. "Was that your husband, Johnny?"

"Right, yeah." Ruben must have overhead your conversation. "I was on the phone with my husband...Johnny. "

"How is he doing...in the military?" He asked.

"Oh, you know..."

Ruben raised a brow. "I do?"

"He's doing military stuff, taking his time to check in on me." You said, trying not to shiver as the nights cold hit you. "What about you, what are you doing here?"

"Oh." Ruben perked up, fixing his posture. "I...I actually came here to apologize...to you."

"Me?"

He nodded. "This morning. In the barn. I overreacted. You're right, it's your property and you should be allowed to whatever you want with it."

You shook your head. "No Ruben, I understand. The stuff, if you want to keep them there you could. It's alot, and if you're just gonna leave hem there to rot...." You shook your. "Never mind. The barn is yours if you want it."

Ruben stood quiet, his eyes regarding you with slight suspicion. "They told you didn't,  didn't they?"

"What?" Heat rose to your frozen cheeks. "Kate and David...they told you about their daughter, Gina, didn't they."

You held your tounge but nodded.

Ruben sighed, his legs folding as he took a seat on the steps of the porch. You joined him, scooting close as his body generated more heat than yours.

"I should have told you about the house, who it belonged to before I sold it to you." Ruben ran a hand through his dark hair.

"Nothing required you to, unless..."

"Unless?" He turned to you, a wrinkle dented in his forhead.

"You know." You shrugged. "Unless the house is haunted or somthing."

Somthing changed in his face, laughter followed his newfound expression. Ruben laughed, to your suprise. It was lovely as you never heard it before. Ruben really didn't look like a person to laughed but it was lovely, as well as his smile.

"It's not funny." You said, playfully nudging his side.

"Haunted." He chuckled. "You truly believe that I could sell you a haunted house?"

"Well did you?"

Ruben's expression changed again, a look of terror."

"Did you?" You asked, scared as to why he hesitated to answer your question.

"No, Y/N. I didn't sell you a haunted house, although I admit that that house has been haunting me for years."

"I'm sorry about your wife." You said after a time spent in silence.

Ruben looked to you, tilting his head down to meet your eyes as your height difference was ridiculous. "Thank you, but it's been a few years."

"How old would he be, your son?"

You realized that the question had startled him as you felt Ruben's muscles tense beside you. Perhaps he hadn't thought of his son, nor his wife in years.

"Four." He said, nothing more, nothing less.

Four, that's how old , Johnny, your son was. You kept that to yourself though, as it was not the time to tell Ruben about your own family, especially since you had been lying to him about a part of it.

"Your cold." He said.

Ruben must have felt your body leaning closer to him, stealing his heat. Or he had just heard the sound of your teeth, rattling like bones.

Let's get you inside."

"I actually want to stay for a bit longer. They don't look like that in the city." You said.

Ruben frowned, but followed your gaze as your head tilted upwards, admiring the ray of stars in the sky.

He sat back down, but not without removing his jacket, draping it over your shoulders.

"It's a beautiful view, no?" He said. "Moving out here, Gina and I used to spend hours in the fields just watching them, the stars."

"How was she, Gina?"

You looked to Ruben, his eyes mesmerized by the stars. His profile was captivating, rough but sculptured, he was handsome.

"She was like no one I've ever met." Evaporating smoke left Ruben's mouth as his eyes shifted to look at you. "I miss her so much." He said.

It was implusive, yet not terrifying. Although you were practically strangers you felt comfortable with Ruben, connected somehow. And so you grabbed his hand, leaning your head to rest on his shoulder. You felt his palm twitch beneath yours, nevertheless he did not pull away. And so you stayed like that, sitting close, holding hands, with the stars watching over your heads.

[starlemonbunki]

In a ranchuu mood so here's some late night headcanons !!!

Chuuya does all the chores at home. He doesn't trust Ranpo with any of them, but when the latter is trying to apologize, he starts picking up things to clean and cooking (burning) something for chuuya to eat. This is usually how chuuya knows he's done something stupid and/or wants something

The way the ada found out they were dating vs the way the PM found out are complete opposites. One lazy day at the office someone wondered how the gravity manipulator was doing, ranpo said something a little intimate, which had everyone surprised. Ranpo just took the lollipop out of his mouth unfazed and said "Oh you didn't know? We've been dating for three months"

The way the PM found out, there was a plan to ambush the ada for whatever reason that was kept from chuuya (mori had a feeling he wouldn't want to hurt dazai figuring their past relation, but little does he know chuuya would pay good money to kill that tall skinny bastard) but chuuya stopped them in order to protect ranpo. There was a whole "why are you protecting him?!" "Because I LOVE HIM!!" moment like in the movies and everyone just went😦

Chuuya definitely confessed first. It was out of frustration that he had been flirting with ranpo for a while now but he seemed to not be getting the hint.

"I like you you smart little asshole!!!" ".....oh. yeah I knew about that."

Ranpo goes to chuuya when he wants to buy something like how a child asks his parent for ice cream

"Can we get this" "no" "please🥺" "*sigh*.....get my wallet"

Sorry but I'm a bottom chuuya truther and something I headcanon they do in the bedroom (that I've made a fic about a while back) is how ranpo will use his ability to deduct every little stimulation in chuuyas body in order to fuck him better. He gets a lay of the land and nothing gets past him. He knows everything that makes chuuya cry and moan and whimper and scream.

It also helps that chuuya thinks ranpo looks sexy in his glasses

They share clothes but not in a fetish-y "uwu it's so big on me🥺" type. Since they're practically the same size they often get their stuff mixed up, and they don't even realize it until they get home.

Ranpo: *reaches into his pockets and finds money* oh sweet!! Oh these must be chuuyas pants

Chuuya: *puts hand in pocket and pulls it out in disgust* who the fuck left all these candy wrappers in here

Chuuya hates when ranpo makes fun of his hats but finds it unbelievably sexy when he wears them while they fuck. Something about how the weight of the hat drapes his hair against his sweaty forehead just makes him melt

When it comes to Dazai's opinions, I could see it going either way. In one, he's perfectly fine with their relationship, the slug is ranpo's problem now. He'll probably tell him all of chuuyas dirty little secrets too

On the other hand, he could feel uncomfortable that chuuya had moved on, especially with someone he interacts with almost daily. Everytime he looks at ranpo from his desk all he can imagine are his hands caressing chuuyas body, his chin resting on his neck, his nose deep into his orange hair and smelling his expensive shampoo. That was me once, he thinks, and while he may not have wanted to get back together with chuuya, he still gets a bit uncomfortable

Ranpo loves sweets, chuuya hates them. Chuuya loves wine, ranpo says it tastes like fermented grape piss. Chuuya takes good care of his hair and body, maintaining a skin and hair care routine religiously. Ranpo uses those 4-in-1 shampoo as conditioner, soap, and toothpaste.

Ranpo likes to yap and chuuya likes to listen. He can listen to ranpo go on and on about who knows what all day, even being interested enough to ask questions and react. He doesn't realize how important that is to ranpo.

Chuuya loves shopping, and his clothes are all expensive and trendy. Ranpo will only go shopping for clothes if he absolutely has to, and he hates it. It's boring walking around and fitting dumb shirts and pants, it's tiring too. For a while fukuzawa had to buy him new clothes since ranpo wouldn't even if his pants had holes in them. When chuuya found out about this, he forced him to go out on a shopping spree with him to get him all new clothes, and ranpo hated every second of it. But he did like that chuuya spent the whole day with him.

Ranpo is the one who makes the playlists. I like to think chuuya doesn't have a lot of time to just relax and enjoy music, so ranpo is the one who knows more bands or genres. He occasionally makes playlists using insults for chuuya as the titles, and chuuya says he hates it but he listens to them every night they are apart.

They're both okay with PDA, but ranpo is definitely the more clingy one. He'll suddenly manhandle chuuya while they're walking on the street bc he saw a couple walk past them holding hands. He'll be the one to initiate the cuddle sessions and the last one to pull away from a hug.

Chuuya is very independent so he doesn't act as clingy as ranpo does. But when he asks for affection, it's usually really subtle, and it makes him upset if ranpo doesn't see it right away. He's insecure and so his mind goes off the rails, wondering if ranpo just doesn't love him anymore. But ranpo is always there to reassure him.

Arguments are the lifeblood of this relationship, but in a healthier way than it was for skk. For skk, there was a lot of hate and anger involved, that was what fueled the fire of their relationship. For ranchuu, it's easier bc it's more light-hearted and the words are never meant to actually hurt. It's usually insults that don't even offend either one of them, and arguments about small things no one really cares about. But what it's based on is not as violent as skk.

Chuuya def has a higher libido than ranpo. Sometimes he'll suddenly get horny and ask ranpo to "take care of it". Usually it's triggered by something ranpo did, like something he wears, or said, or him acting responsible for a change. As for ranpo, he gets horny a little less frequently than that, but he still gets up on his high horse to call chuuya needy when he's practically climbing up his leg.

They are both young orphans with remarkable abilities, and so they've received a lot of praise for their strength/wit. So when they hear them now, it sounds almost empty, hollow even. They don't get anything from it now. But getting compliments from literally anybody else? that's what gets their hearts going.

Okay that's it for now lol, pls tell me which ones you agree with!! I'm always looking forward to meeting people with the same rarepair as me😁

[2-guns-b1tch]

Talk To Me

Arkham! Riddler x FemaleReader

+18 Minors DNI!!!!

After 10 months I'm finally done with this chapter ! Sorry to leave everybody waiting, but I was having trouble writing this chapter, but it's finally here. Hope you guys enjoy it!

Masterlist

CHAPTER 4 / AO3

"What about this one?" Harley asks, taking the book off the shelf and showing it to you.

"I've read that one, but I didn't like it that much. Too many of sex scenes."

Harley rolls her eyes, huffing a laugh. "What did you expect? It's a Smut book!"

You shrug as you continue to scan over the books in the romance section. "I know, but there was no character development. And I was getting tired of reading about how the main guy had a huge cock and how wet the romantic interest was all the time.”

Harley returns the book back the shelf, shaking her head at you. "You're the only person I know who reads an erotic book waiting for plot."

Since it was your day off, you had decided to run some errands and, luckily, Harley had agreed to come with you. Going through your to do list could be boring sometimes, but Harley always managed to make things more fun. Plus, a little help never hurt anyone.

It was a particularly cold day in Gotham. Although it had rained earlier, the clouds were still dark and heavy with water, the wind howling through the busy streets. At least the bookstore you and Harley were in was warm. The smell of new books accompanied by the scent of freshly made coffe from the café on the back created a cozy atmosphere that made you want to stay a little bit more.

"Still on the topic of erotica,” She raises her eyebrows in a sugestive way. “How’s your romantic life going? Any lucky guys caught your eye?" Harley says while looking at the cover of a book with a shirtless muscular man holding a woman in his arms.

"I've been so busy with everything lately. I hardly have time for myself, let alone a relationship. But what about you? Are you seeing someone?"

"Well..." Harley bites her lower lip as she wraps a lock hair around her finger. "There's this guy I met."

You turn your full attention to her, smiling excitedly. "Tell me everything! How long have you been talking? Does he work at Arkham too? Do I know him?"

"Okay, calm down!" she giggles, looking around as a light blush covers her cheeks. "I met him at Arkham and we've been talking for the last few months. He's pretty funny."

"And what's his name?"

"His name is... Jack. You don't know him." She quickly turns back to a pile of books."What are we looking for again?"

"Edward finished the puzzle book I gave him, so he asked me to bring Frankenstein this time."

Harley laughs. "Okay, we're definitely not going to find that here. Let's look in the Horror section."

The two of you head deeper into the bookstore, the old wooden floor creaking beneath your feet. You loved being surrounded by books, so many amazing stories just waiting to be discovered. You remembered your childhood, how easy it was to get lost in words, every turn of page made the world a less scary place, your problems fading for just a few moments. You used to imagine yourself as one of Peter Pan's lost boys, or Alice falling down the rabbit hole to her Wonderland. Anything that distanced you from your own troubled reality.

You find the Horror section and you start browsing over the columns of the books in search of Frankenstein while Harley walked aimlessly between the shelves, looking for nothing in particular.

"Has the Joker ever asked you to bring him something?" The words left your mouth before you realise. You didn’t want to ruin the mood talking about work, and besides, Joker was Harley’s patient, not yours.

"Not really. He knows I'm not allowed to take anything into the maximum security ward."

It made sense. As much as Edward didn't have a clean record, he definitely wasn't as unhinged as the Joker. So he was allowed to interact with other patients and his cell wasn't as protected. Just the thought of being in the presence of the Joker makes you feel a shiver run down your spine.

Dracula. Carmilla. Dr. Jekyll and Mr.Hyde. You skim over the titles in the row of books arranged side by side. You've never been much of a fan of the horror genre. Gotham was dangerous enough and you didn't need any more paranoia in the middle of the night. Was that why Edward wanted a book like that? To some people he was like one of the monsters in those stories. Maybe he just wanted to see himself in a story where one of the characters wasn't so different from him, even if they were the villain.

You finally find what you were looking for. You pull the book, running your fingers over the dark green velvet cover. This edition looked older, having only the title and the author's name written in gold letters on the front. Edward would definitely like this one.

"You won't believe what I found." Harley's voice comes from behind you, pulling you from your thoughts. She’s holding a small book, a smile stretching her lips. "It's a joke book!"

Harley flips through the pages until she stops at something she likes. "A book just fell on my head... I only have my shelf to blame." She reads aloud.

"Oh, my God. That was horrible!" You cover your mouth, but it's impossible to hide the laughter that escapes you.

“That’s a good one. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.”

"We're not going buy this one." You say, heading towards the cashier.

"Oh, we totally will." Harley speaks, following you.

You and Harley finish buying the books, and when you open the door to leave the bookstore, a gust of wind hits you. The clouds that were silent just a few minutes ago are now alive. A loud thunder crashing over the city noise.

You hesitate at the door, unsure whether you should risk venturing into this weather or wait for the threat of rain to pass. Before you can say anything, Harley pulls you by the hand, guiding you down the street. Halfway through, drops of water begin to fall from the sky. At first it's just a thin drizzle, but little by little the rain starts turning thick.

But you can't even get mad at Harley. While other people are trying to protect themselves from the rain, Harley jumps into the puddles of water in an almost childish way, not seeming to care that the two of you were soaking wet. She throws her head back in an laugh and you can't suppress the smile that forms on your lips.

At that point you decide not to worry about getting a cold or how your clothes would take hours to dry. Instead, you allow Harley's warm to pass through you. You just keep the book under your coat so you don't get it wet and let Harley guide you.

------

When you finally arrive in the therapy room, Edward is already there. You catch him hunched over the table with tensed shoulders for just a second before he snaps his head towards you and fix his posture.

"Good morning, Edward." You say as you walk around the table, sitting in your usual spot opposite him.

Edward watches you in silence as you grab your purse and take out your things to start the session.

"You're late." He notices, his voice quiet.

You check the clock on the wall. "For only 5 minutes."

"It still means you're late."

It’s not unusual for patients to be attached to a specific routine. This brings stability and security to them, so making even the smallest change in the pattern can easily bother them. But you expected a tic related to time would be Tetch’s thing, not Edward’s.

You smile apologetically. "The asylum is big and it takes me a while to walk here. But you're right, I'm late. I'm sorry."

You wait patiently for Edward to say something sarcastic or some comment about how important and smart he is to wait for people like you. But he just nods weakly, keeping his eyes on his lap.

You tap your pen a few times against your clipboard, trying to break the foreign silence that filled the room.

"Is everything okay? You're strangely quiet today."

Edward scoffs a laugh. "At least you're smart enough to appreciate what I have to say. Most people would rather I shut up."

"I always want to hear what you have to say. That's why I'm here."

Edward squeezes his lips into a thin line, looking disturbed by something. His eyes travel across the room for a moment before landing on you again. He swallows hard a few times, a light sheen of sweat forming on his forehead.

"I... I've got something for you." He babbles, the words coming out choked. "It's a... well, I- Oh dammit."

He lets out a frustrated sigh before putting something down on the table and retreating back to his chair.

The object Edward left on the metal surface of the table wasn’t some kind of riddle or puzzle. It was actually a small sculpture of a cat in a sitting pose that fitted in the palm of your hand. You pick it up, realizing that Edward must have made it from a bar of soap. Your fingers caress the delicate details, the small nose, it’s pointed ears, the tail that wrapped around it’s body.

"The details may not be entirely accurate, since I don’t know the exactly appearance of your cat and I didn't have the necessary materials and-" Edward starts chattering but you interrupt him.

"Is this Meg? I loved it!" You hold the sculpture firmly between your fingers, placing it against your chest. "It's perfect."

"You... Loved it?" Edward clears his throat, adjusting his posture. "Well, of course you did. I couldn't have expected any other reaction. I did an excellent job, even with the inadequate materials." A pink flush appears on his cheeks, spreading across his face and up his ears.

"Is this some kind of apology because of our last session?"

Edward adjusts his glasses over his nose. "You could say that my behavior was not entirely appropriate. I may have been a little rude. But don’t think this is an apology, I’m not nice."

"But where did you find the tools to do something like this? You're not allowed to be near sharp objects." You remember him.

"My abilities know no bounds, Doctor. Nothing can stop a brilliant mind like mine," after a second he adds. "I used a spoon."

A smile spreads across your face as you imagine Edward with his tongue tucked in between his lips, his brow furrowed in concentration as he methodically carved out the details in a piece of soap.

"Since we're exchanging gifts, I have something for you, too." You pull Frankstein's copy out of your bag, pushing it towards Edward.

"You remembered..." He comments as he strokes the velvety cover of the book, looking surprised.

"Of course I did. Did you think I would forget?"

"It’s not that. I just thought that because of the last session you might be... upset." Edward looks almost embarrassed, but it's still too early to know for sure if he actually feels any kind of remorse. One step at a time.

"I forgive you, Edward. Even if this is not an apology. I may have been a little harsh too, but now we're even."

You smile at Edward and for a second he surprises you with a soft smile of his own. It's not like the smirk he usually has on his face or the kind he reserves for his cruel comments. This time it's sincere. You think it suits him.

"Very well," you continue, checking your notes quickly. "Today I would like to talk about-"

This time, it's Edward who cuts you off with a groan. It looks like things are back to normal.

"This is so boring, can we talk about something else? I feel like my neurons are dying every day I spend in here." Edward complains, resting his chin on his cuffed hands. "Anything would be a more interesting mental stimulation."

"Do you think I'm going to change the session just because you gave me a gift?"

"Maybe?" He grins, his lips stretching like the Cheshire Cat.

You decide to give in this time, since Edward was in such a good mood. You place your notes on the table and lean against the chair.

"Well, what do you want to talk about?" You ask, placing your hands on your lap.

"Let me see..." Edward taps his chin a couple of times before speaking again "How's the weather?"

You huff a laugh. "Weather, really? Do you find this a more interesting mental stimulation?"

"You can see how desperate I am, can't you?" his foot nugdes yours under the table and you jump lightly, surprised by the unexpected contact. "Come on, tell me. I stay all day inside this building, I hardly see the sky."

"Well, it's been raining a lot these last few weeks. You know, the sewer system doesn't work so the streets are all flooded."

He sighs. "Gotham never changes. How about the renovation of Bleake Island's main avenue? Before I came here, they were still trying to finish it."

"Still going. Takes me even more time to get here because of it. They stopped because of a funding problem or something."

"At least I know that our dear mayor will never fail to let us down. And they still say I'm the villain." Edward gestures in an exaggerated manner, drawing a small chuckle from you.

"What do you miss most from outside?" That wasn't one of your prepared questions, but you've always wondered what it was like to be stuck in Arkham.

"I miss food. Real food. I've been dreaming of that Italian place on 19th Street." He leans back against his chair, an dreamy expression on his face. "And music, too. I'd kill for a radio in here."

In these last few weeks you had seen Edward bored, grumpy and even angry. But now he seemed relaxed, almost content to be talking to you. This sudden change in mood makes a strange feeling pass through you.

You clear your throat, straightening your back.

"What are you trying to do here, Edward?"

His smile dies a little and he tilts his head slightly. "What do you mean?"

“As far as I know, you hate our sessions and suddenly you just want to talk to me? What has changed?"

"Can’t we just have a good old-fashioned conversation? I'm known for my intelligence, but believe me when I say I can also be charming when I want to."

"I don't know if I buy it." You cross your arms, raising an eyebrow at him.

Edward clicks his tongue, rolling his eyes at you. "All right. It may come as a surprise, but in this building full of imbeciles and lunatics, you are one of the few people that I’m able to have a normal conversation with. You should be proud, Doctor. Not many have this honor."

The look of surprise on your face must be apparent, since Edward snorts a laught at you, shaking his head gently. Maybe it was too early to believe that Edward trusted you, but at least he seemed to be starting to warm up to you. And in your book that was considered a victory.

------

The door of your apartment closes behind you with a small click. You go through your usual routine, first locking all the locks on your door, then taking off your coat and finally greeting Meg with a pat behind her ears.

The answering machine warns you that you have seven new messages, but this time you decide to delete them without listening. You were in a good mood and didn't feel like having your day ruined again because of a wrong message. Whatever it was, it could wait.

Meg follows you on the way to your room and you need to be careful not to trip over her as she snuggle against your legs. A sigh leaves your lips when your sinks in your comfy matress, allowing the stresses of the day to leave your shoulders. You decide to make a new entry on your recorder, it's been a while since you've done that.

"Fourth session with patient Edward Nygma. Ed showed a great evolution today," you say as you rummage inside your bag. "He exhibited violent behavior on our last session, but Ed seemed to feel guilty as we talked about it. He was also willing to engage in a normal conversation with me and even seemed to be interested in what I had to say. Maybe this is a form of manipulation, but I like to believe Edward is improving in his treatment."

You take the little cat statue out of your purse, placing it on your bedside table. You pet it carefully, almost as if it was a real cat. When you started talking again, a smile came across your face.

"We exchanged gifts today. I brought the book he asked me and he made a cat sculpture inspired by Meg. It's lovely. I wonder what Edward could do if he had the right materials and tools. His manual skills are... fantastic."

You find yourself remembering how nervous Edward was earlier. The soft pink flush on his cheeks, going all the way up his ears. His gentle smile. Meg's meows knock you out of your thoughts and you realize you've been staring at the cat sculpture for too long. You decide to end the recording and getting up to prepare your and Meg's dinner.