#we were picked equally by our programs

[emgoesmed]

We got our match results!

My partner and I are going into different specialties, and this match result was a curveball; we were not expecting it! We’re both happy and optimistic about the program we matched at!!

I’m excited to start the next chapter. 🥰

I matched!

[xxoxobree]

Lost To Love Again

Jake x Fem!Human/Avatar!Reader

Warnings - Mentions of Death

Word Count - 3.7k

Synopsis - With Tommy being gone his brother joins you in the avatar program.

My heart shattered as I looked at my husband lifeless in a cardboard box, his skin pale. "What happened?" I managed to ask trying my best to hold myself together.

"Shot, They took his wallet."

I felt my throat constrict, a lump in my throat I couldn't seem to swallow. I still remember the first time Tommy and I met. I was a young and ambitious scientist, a protege of Grace. I didn't believe in love at first sight, but looking at Tommy in that box made me realize that we loved each other the minute we lay our eyes on each other.

Tommy and I had a whirlwind romance, and it was almost too good to be true. But we were in love, and nothing could stop us from being together. We got married in a small ceremony, just the two of us, and started our life together.

Tommy was the love of my life. He was kind, caring, and always put others before himself. He was a protector, a provider, and my biggest supporter. We were the perfect team, and our love seemed to grow stronger with each passing day.

But now he was gone, and I was left alone to pick up the pieces.

As I looked at him, I saw each of my tear drops fall on his sweet face.

"I'm so sorry baby," I said wiping the tears off his forehead before kissing it.

"Here," I heard one of the undertakers say. I didn't bother to look at him, fixated on my sweet Tommy. "What happened?" I immediately recognized the voice; it was Jake, Tommy's twin brother. I turned my head quickly to look at him, my eyes red and my face stained with tears.

He looked equally as heartbroken but didn't say much. I moved out of the way so that he could see his brother. He rolled forward, pain written all over his face. I couldn't help but cry again, his expression reminding me of my own hurt.

Tommy had always been a happy-go-lucky soul, the life of the party, never one to shy away from anything. He had always been there for me, through thick and thin, a rock upon which I could lean. But now, as I stood there watching him lifeless, it felt like a piece of me had been ripped away from me.

They had now started the cremation process, and I couldn't take it. He was gone forever, and there was nothing I could do to bring him back. I patted Jake's shoulder before walking out of the building, tears heavily rolling down my face.

I tried to console myself the best I could, pacing back and forth, but the pain was too much to bear. I bent down, balancing on the ball of my feet, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I tried to calm myself, failing miserably. The reality of never seeing Tommy again hit me like a ton of bricks, and my heart ached with every breath I took.

Soon Jake came over, positioning himself in front of me before pulling my head into his lap, consoling me. My body shook as I let my sobs out, and Jake held me tightly, giving me the comfort I desperately needed. I couldn't help but thank God that Jake was here at this moment, or else I might have crumbled under the weight of my grief.

It felt like forever, but I finally stopped my crying, standing to my feet. I wiped my eyes before looking at Jake, his eyes full of concern for me. "We should get you home, Y/n," he said softly.

I nodded, my eyes still fixated on the ground. “I want to go to the lab actually," I said to Jake. It was how I usually handled stress, burying myself in work until hours had passed, and I couldn't tell which day it was, my mind occupied to capacity.

He nodded, following my lead. The walk was silent, and I didn't have much to say, lost deep in my mind, knowing that I would leave this planet tomorrow for who knows how long, forever maybe. That brought slight comfort to me, knowing I'd be gone from where Tommy was cruelly taken from me.

As I got to my lab, I put on my lab coat, gloves, and started to work, and within minutes I was lost in my research.

As I looked to my left, I noticed that Jake was still there looking quizzically at a screen that showed a picture of the Na'vi, the inhabitants of the planet I'm to leave for in the morning. I looked at him and let a huff out a little smile on my lips. I had just finished my research and was packing up to leave the office when one of my superiors walked over.

"Looking Good Y/n, don't forget to pack up your research we're heading out early tomorrow," he said.

"Yes, sir," I said, getting up from my chair.

He looked at Jake and then back at me. I raised an eyebrow, wondering what he was thinking.

"That's Jake Tommy's twin brother," I said, hoping it would answer his unspoken question.

He looked at me like he just got the best idea ever.

"He can take Tommy's place Y/n , in our Avatar program," he said excitedly.

"But he's not a scientist," I rebutted, unsure of what he was asking of me.

"Doesn't matter, they care more about their money not being wasted, so convince him," he said before walking off.

I huffed out a breath, hesitating before slowly walking to the other side of the lab that housed the avatars. It was a familiar routine, but now it was different.

I smiled slightly at the small figures, resting my hand on the amino tank. They were the future of humanity, our ticket to survival and a new world. They would grow en-route to Pandora, the planet we had spent countless years searching for, and eventually inhabit it.

But my heart instantly broke at the sight of the tank that was next to mine, knowing that the last of Tommy's DNA lay inside it.

I heard the faint sound of wheels rolling, and I turned to see Jake entering. "Hey, are they supposed to be the avatars? Tommy told me all about them, even though I never understood," he said, looking around the lab in awe.

I nodded my head, laughing slightly. "Yeah, these little guys are our hope for the future," I replied.

"That one is supposed to be his," I pointed to the tank next to mine.

Jake walked over to it and placed his hand on the glass. "It's amazing to think that a small creature like this could hold the essence of someone like Tommy," he said quietly.

I nodded in agreement, feeling the weight of the responsibility on my shoulders. We had to make sure that these avatars made it safely to Pandora, that they thrived and grew, and that humanity had a chance to live on. No easy feat seeing that the Na'vi wouldn't trust us as far as they could throw us.

I snapped back to reality looking at Jake, wondering how I could possibly convince him to take his brother's place in the Avatar program. I knew that it was a long shot, but it was worth a try. I walked over to him and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey Jake, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure," he replied, turning away from the tanks and giving me his full attention.

"I know this might sound crazy, but I need your help," I said, taking a deep breath. "My boss thinks that you could take your brother's place in our Avatar program. It's a long shot, but we need someone who can think on their feet and adapt quickly to new situations. And from what I've seen and been told from Tommy , you have those qualities."

Jake looked at me skeptically. "I don't know, Y/n, I'm not a scientist. I don't know anything about the Avatar program."

"I know, but this is our one chance to get it right. We need someone who can make a difference," I said, my voice rising with passion.

Jake looked at me for a moment, considering my words. "Okay, I'll do it," he said finally.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Jake. I know this is a lot to ask, but I believe in you."

✨ 5 Years Later ✨

It had been a while since we've landed on Pandora, and we were still adjusting to our new bodies or at-least I was. I felt strange in this blue-hued, taller, and leaner body, but Jake was loving it. He was thriving as a Na'vi and even got us back into the good graces of the Omaticaya.

Our team had just finished their daily avatar un-linking routine, and I was rolling Jake's wheelchair towards his desk when he turned to me, eyes shining with excitement.

"How was your day?" I asked, settling him in, hoping for a moment to catch my breath.

"It was great," he beamed.

Jake had this thing about him, a contagious zest for life that drew everyone in, and as always, I found myself getting pulled in deeper every day.

"You should come with me, explore the forest," he said, reaching out to grab my hand.

I hesitated, "I don't know if I'm as skilled as you, Jake."

"Of course, you are," he said, tilting his head, earnest as always.

I couldn't help but let out a giggle at his enthusiasm. "Okay, wheels, see you tomorrow," I said, getting up and patting him on the shoulder.

I didn't go to sleep that night. The anticipation of exploring Pandora had overtaken my body, and my mind refused to shut down. I had been studying the planet and the Na'vi for months, but I hadn't been introduced to the clan yet. I wasn't even sure if they would accept me.

Mostly, I had been staying close to the lab, observing the wildlife and flora from a distance. Grace and Norm had offered to take me with them on several occasions, but I declined. I wanted to explore on my own, to feel the thrill of discovery and the rush of adrenaline as I ventured far out into the forest when I was ready.

To combat my antsy feeling, I did what I do best - bury myself in work. I pulled out every project I started, analyzing each one. But the way everything was connected on Pandora caught my attention. I didn't quite understand it yet, but it was fascinating that it existed.

I worked tirelessly, losing track of time, until I was suddenly jolted by the sound of the bustling of the crew. I rubbed my eyes, adjusting to the lights that were now switched on.

Jake was next to me shortly after, smiling eagerly. I smiled back at how excited he would be to link with his avatar.

"Come on, Wheels," I said, going to my pod, laying down, and closing it.

I woke up in my avatar, my ears twitching at every sound. Still getting used to my super hearing, I walked outside where Jake was already waiting for me. He grabbed my hand, pulling me behind him. I giggled a little at the tiny loin cloth he had on.

"Is that uncomfortable?" I asked

"It's great," he said, smiling.

I laughed at his childlike excitement. As we got deeper into the forest, I couldn't help but admire everything.

As soon as we stepped foot into the forest, I was greeted by a symphony of sounds. The rustling of leaves, the chirping of birds, and the gushing of the rivers - it was as if the forest was singing to me. The air was thick with the scent of wildflowers and the damp earth.

As we walked deeper into the forest, I came across a grove of trees that glowed with a soft, golden light. It was like nothing I had ever seen before. The trees themselves were ancient and gnarled, but the light made them look otherworldly.

I looked out at the breathtaking view, I knew that I had made the right decision. The vibrant oranges and pinks of the sky reflected in my eyes, filling me with a sense of calm and serenity.

Jake appeared beside me, his signature smirk on his face.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" he said, his voice filled with wonder.

I nodded, still unable to form words.

"So beautiful, I should've done this earlier," I finally managed to say.

Jake chuckled. "Better late than never, right?"

"Come, I want to show you something." Curiosity got the better of me, and I couldn't refuse his offer.

We walked for a while until we arrived at an open field, the grass tall and swaying in the breeze. Jake led the way, and I followed. As we walked, fan lizards suddenly flew through the air, their colorful wings lighting up as Jake laughed at the sight of them. It was a moment of pure magic, and I couldn't help but feel enchanted by the scene.

We continued through the field, and I noticed the ground was soft and spongy like we were walking on clouds. And in the distance, I saw a burst of multicolored flowers, and my heart filled with excitement as we approached.

As we came closer, I saw a circle made of those blooming flowers, and each petal was glowing with a bright light. Jake led me to the center, where a small shimmering pond lay surrounded by the same flowers.

Jake took my hand and led me to the edge of the pond, whispering, "Look, watch closely." As I leaned forward, I saw the reflection of brightly colored fish swimming in the pond. Each fish was glowing in a different color, and their movements were synchronized as they swam in unison.

Mesmerized, I gazed at the scene as time seemed to slow down. It was a moment of pure wonder, one that I knew I would never forget.

As we left the field, the fan lizards flew alongside us as if to say goodbye. Tears welled in my eyes, and I hugged Jake, thanking him.

"Hey no problem, I'm glad you liked it," he said, his head tilted with a smile, his golden orbs locked onto mine.

I looked down bashfully, feeling my cheeks flush. Jake laughed at my demeanor, using his hand to tilt my face so that I could look at him.

"Awe come on, don't play shy with me," he teased.

"Oh shut up Skxawng." I said lightly pushing him, my laughter in the air. "We should get back before grace kills us."

"Oh come on Y/n, loosen up a little, let's have some fun." He said, running and holding my hand, leaving me no choice but to follow him.

"Slow down Jake." I said, trying not to trip over my own feet.

He jumped into a lake, still holding my hand, dragging me in with him. The cold water hit my body, sending a rush over me. I swam to the surface, gasping and letting out a little shriek.

"What the fuck Jake?" I said, looking over to him, laughing. "Come on, that was fun." He said, swimming over to me. I splashed him, laughing along.

"I love this fucking place." He said.

I finally turned my attention to the scene. Everything around us glowed, I watched as the fish swam upstream, the algae in the water a beautiful purple color. A soft smile rested on my face. I looked at Jake to see him looking at me already.

"What?" I asked, a smile still on my face.

"It's almost as beautiful as you." I smiled widely, "you're such an idiot Jake."

I started to make my way to land with Jake behind me.

When I finally reached the shore, I shuddered as the cold air hit my wet body. I was trembling and Jake noticed my discomfort with immediately. "You're shaking like a leaf, let me help," he said, wrapping his body around mine to create warmth. I pulled back to look at him, taking in his handsome features and captivating golden eyes. I couldn't help but notice how close our bodies were, and a deep sense of longing washed over me.

We stared into each other's eyes for what seemed like forever. "Jake?" I whispered, before we both started to lean in. As our lips brushed together, I realized what was happening and wiggled myself out of his hold before things went any further. "Ummm... we should get back," I said awkwardly.

He nodded, leading me back to the lab. As we walked in silence, I couldn't help but think about what had just happened. Am I really attracted to Jake? I knew we couldn't be together. We were coworkers, in laws ? getting involved would be complicated. But still, the temptation was strong.

When we arrived back at the lab, Jake turned to me with a sad smile. "Goodnight ," he said, as he rolled away. I watched him go, feeling a sense of loss I couldn't quite understand. The rest of the night passed in a blur, my thoughts consumed by the forbidden attraction between us.

Despite our little dilemma I was determined not to let it affect our exploration, now that I’ve been out in the forest I was not wasting any more time in the lab.

I rose up from my bed excited to find Jake and convince him to take me out today. And find him I did sitting next to Norm eating breakfast.

I took a seat next to them “good morning you two.” I greeted cheerfully.

“What’s got you so excited?” Norm asked.

“Jake took me out yesterday. And he’s going to today.”

“I am?” He chimed.

“Yesss, now hurry up, my poor avatar is probably still cold.”

“Okay.” He said, scarfing down his food as fast as he could.

We made it to the link units, getting in.

I woke up in my avatar body moments later, a rush of excitement filling me.

_____

I pressed the button to my camera starting my video log. “It's been months since arriving on Pandora, and I couldn't be happier with where I am today. I've seen more of this world than I could've ever wished to see, done more than I could've ever wished to do, and learned more than I ever could've imagined. I've even become one of their trusted teachers and healers, alongside Grace.The only thing left to do is tame an Ikran, but I'm not sure I'm up to the challenge. I sighed, thinking about all the adventures I've been on with Jake. “Oh, how I wished you could’ve been here Tommy to see us thrive and share these experiences. He’s taking good care of me Tommy.” I said ending the video.

I smiled, thinking about all the time that Jake and I seem to be spending now. I loved every crazy adventure he took me on, every silly word that came out of his mouth. I found myself giggling at the memories.

Jake entered the room, settling himself beside me and asked, "What are you laughing at?"

"You, actually,and all the craziness you seem to get me into.”

His charming smile always seemed to get to me, making my heart melt. I couldn't help but smile back as he gestured toward the link units.

"Come on, let's go do some more craziness," he said.

I grinned, hopping into the link unit. I opened my eyes, sitting up looking for Jake, who was already on his feet, lending a hand to help me up. I took it, standing up.

"Where to?" I asked, my eyes twinkling with excitement.

He yipped, calling his Ikran, which landed in front of us.

"Are we really?" I said in excitement.

He chuckled at me, nodding. "Now get on."

I quickly ran over, hopping on to the back of him, my hands around his waist before we took off into the night sky, but not without me letting out a high-pitched squeal.

I felt adrenaline rush over my body, and I felt so alive being in the sky with Jake. I put out a hand, feeling the cool clouds on my fingers. Pandora was even more beautiful from this view.

As we soared through the skies, I couldn't help but feel as if time had slowed down. It was just me, Jake, and the vast expanse of the midnight sky. We flew over rocky cliffs, dense forests, and glittering rivers, the wind whipping through our hair.

We landed shortly after, my body still buzzing with excitement. “Thank you so much Jake, I loved it, maybe I will tame an Ikran.” He smiled, taking my hand into his, interlacing our fingers. “Come, let’s sit,” he said, dragging us toward a lake.

We sat with our feet in the water. I watched as glowing fish swam past my swinging feet. Jake scooted closer, taking both my hands into his. I looked up at his glowing face, intrigued by what he was going to say.

“Thank you Y/n for convincing me to go on this crazy journey. I have never felt so alive, thank you for giving me a second chance.” I felt tears brimming in my eyes at his words.

“Oh, don’t go soft on me, sweet girl,” he said, a smile on his face. Before I knew it, we were both leaning in, our lips connecting in the most passionate kiss that we had both longed for.

We pulled away, and I stared into his glowing eyes. “I know it’s complicated and maybe we shouldn’t Y/n, but I love you, I love every moment with you.”

I felt myself freeze for a moment, not knowing what to do with all the emotions I felt. I had been carrying these feelings for months now, and they had finally bubbled to the surface.His glowing eyes searched my face.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concern etched on his handsome features.

I didn't answer. Instead, I pulled him close, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my lips to his in a long, passionate kiss.

As we pulled away, I whispered, "I love you, Jake."

He sighed, pulling back just far enough to rest his forehead against mine. Our noses touched, and I could feel his breath on my skin.

In that moment, I felt whole again, a void that had been empty now filled. I realized that we had both Lost to love again.

[esotericfaery]

No Trash in This Tea - An Inside View of the 4B Movement

For those of you confused by or against 4b +, heres a little Q & A style post from one of us, based on the types of issues we notice people complaining about. The “questions” are paraphrased, and the answers are mine. As always, women get slightly more leeway in responding to this, as they get one chance to politely discuss it with me. Only ally men are welcome to respond without being ignored and deleted.

Q. You’re just a bunch of man-haters.

A. Similar to how there are different types of feminism, we’re not all trying to make all women quit all men. I shouldn’t have to say “all” anything, because nothing that anyone says should be dismissed out of hand as an absolute. But it is what it is. 2024 Gonna 2024. Many of us love the certain men in our lives who have proven to be trustworthy; family members and friends we have known for a long time. This quitting of men is in all romantic & sexual ways, and in some cases when possible, during commerce. So for those of you who think this is some sort of cult which convinces people to leave their family and friends, it isn’t. It’s a perfectly reasonable social movement.

~

Q. You just need therapy to address trauma, then you will be normal and want a man again. It’s not normal to want to stay single. It’s unhealthy.

A. No, even though some of us declare 4b (or higher) because of physical trauma, some of us don’t. And even if we have had physical trauma, so what? I’m talking especially to you pick-me women who can’t seem to get it through your thick skulls that we’re not a threat to you. In fact, we’re trying to help you understand the way the world really is, because with you continuing on with men, you need to protect yourselves even more than us. This is about being realistic and about being prepared. This is about awareness, not fear.

The implication that trauma having to do with the movement is wrong, is grape culture. Essentially what you’re saying is, that all women should do is address what they experienced and suddenly, magically, men in general will become wonderful unicorns that we can’t possibly resist. You’re trying to reprogram us back into this fake hollyweird trash that a life without romance is empty. I feel compassion for the other people in your lives. Do you not have the same amount (albeit of a different type) of love for your friends and close family? How does it effect you, that we never want to be with a man again? It actually leaves more of them for you.

I’ve deprogrammed myself from all of the trash about romance being better than anything else, which I was infected with through the media, and now I’m not attracted to men at all anymore. The crushes I had on actors have disappeared. I’ve been asked on several dates since, and didn’t even feel tempted, though I recognized visually that both men were good-looking. So logically, yes some women can be celibate. I recently was celibate for 7 years, so I know I can do it again, permanently. Especially with the huge weight off my shoulders when I made the final decision. It’s great to have all of my time for the things I enjoy more than the tedium of dating; school, hobbies, friends.

~

Q. What about kids? Don’t you want them? Every woman wants kids. You’ll regret it if you don’t have any.

I’d been programmed to think that it’s every woman’s duty to have kids. There was a time where I thought I wanted them. Now I’m glad that I didn’t have them, because even though as my loved ones say I would make a great mother, they take a lot of time and dedication which I’m not willing to give. That doesn’t make me selfish. This is my life and these are my decisions. On top of that, as equally valid is how we’re helping to put a stop to the epidemic of unwanted children, and we’re helping with overpopulation. Why would you even expect someone who doesn’t want kids to have them? This sounds like a projection; do you resent having kids? If so, that’s sad for them. Every child deserves parents who want them.

~

Q. You’re jealous because you can’t get someone as hot as my man.

A. You have internalized misogyny to address. Rather than attacking women for having been harassed and abused by men, and having chosen to take our lives back for us, look within. And look at your relationship. A woman who is secure in her relationship with a good man (yes, I know good men exist) would not react the way you are.

~

Q. Why are you 4b?

Because as this is my life, I get to make my own decisions. I don’t have to justify my lifestyle to anyone, but I choose to, with the goal of helping other women to be brave in expressing what they need, regardless of their lifestyle.

Like all women, I’ve been sexually harassed multiple times throughout my life. I’ve dated some men who seemed ok, but we stopped seeing each other due to just not feeling it anymore, or because of philosophical differences. My few long-term relationships involved men who started out seeming as if they were good people, and devolved into gaslighting. I decided that men are not worth the effort. Some of them are worth it for other women, but I identified enough of a pattern to understand the path that’s meant for me.

My toxic trait was staying in those unhealthy dynamics and allowing myself to be abused. So I quit, forgave myself, and have taken my life back for me.

~

Q. You’re all a bunch of miserable, fat, ugly cat ladies. No one wants you anyway.

A.

~

I hope that if you were triggered by this, whether or not you’re a woman or a man, that triggering leads to understanding, respect and compassion for all types of people who are not doing anything to hurt others.

I also hope you got the joke of the last “question”. Stay safe, happy, loving and loved.

Love, A 44-year old happily, permanently celibate woman from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

[firefly-of-frenstat]

Yuletide (a Lellinger OS)

Dear Noemi, dear @delphiis!

This season, I was your Secret Santa. I decided to go for your favourite German ski jumper duo Stephan Leyhe and Andreas Wellinger. I hope you will enjoy this little OS as much as I enjoyed writing it. As we are in 2024, I hope you had a wonderful holiday time. May 2024 treat you better than 2023 did.

Greetings: Bettina

----------

Andreas Wellinger and Stephan Leyhe were spending their little Christmas break together at or around home. They planned to visit the local Advent market on one of the days before Christmas. On a fine, cold and snowy Wednesday morning, Andreas asked his boyfriend if they could go for a little skiing on the nearby course. Stephan was a tiny bit hesitant about the sudden program change. However, after a little persuasion, he went for it. He was thinking. Maybe later, they would check out the market as well. He had asked his love. As an answer, he got only a maybe and a wink with a smirk.

They were skiing for an hour or maybe two. Since it was intense, both of them got tired. Andreas managed to overdo himself. He laid down the snow. He was wheezing for a few moments before Stephan picked him up. Stephan was a bit older, so he could be a momma hen sometimes. So, he embraced his love for long minutes. He did it until Andreas had enough strength in his feet to walk back to their car.

“Darling, how are you feeling?” Stephan asked.

“Better. I think we can go now.” Andreas answered with a faint smile, “I managed to make myself tired.”

“You did. Can we maybe go to the Christmas market? Maybe they have wonderful hot tea, glühwein or something that warms us up,” the older one suggested.

“Why not? I hope that they do.” Andreas replied, “Last year, they had amazing gingerbread hot chocolate. I hope that vendor is here this year as well. Maybe we could get a new mug for our Advent mug collection too.”

After the little chat on the skiing course, Andreas and Stephan went back to their car. They drove home first. Simply because the market was close to it. They decided to walk there. They decided to go hand in hand, as they found the pavement slippery. As they were heading there, they were chatting all the way through the 10-minute journey. They talked about their plans when they would be back at home. Andreas wanted to decorate the tree first and foremost, as they were slowly running out of time. Christmas was only a few days away.

As they arrived at the market, Stephan got inspired by seeing the many gingerbread houses. He wanted to try his hand at making one. He even told his idea to Andreas, who loved it. They quickly agreed on it. They almost never fought over silly things. Furthermore, they were always civil toward each other. It was something that formed the foundation of their relationship.

At the market, Stephan and Andreas spent long minutes finding the vendor with the delicious hot chocolate. Unfortunately, he wasn’t there this year. Andreas became blue. He wished he could have asked what was inside it. Stephan suggested recalling it from his memories. The young German remembered it containing cinnamon and some kind of alcohol that he couldn’t recall. It had given a nice kick to the hot drink.

“I am going to try and recreate it for you.” Stephan advised, “Maybe I will come up with something equally delicious for you. How does that sound?”

“Wonderful. What if we get some glühwein here this year?” Andreas smiled at his love.

“Okay. I have nothing against it.”

“Maybe they have this year’s mug.”

They headed to the first stand, where they sold glühwein. Stephan asked if the seller had the yearly mug. They did, and asked if they would like to have a hot drink in it. They said yes, but they only had one left. Not only that, but they didn’t mind it at all. Stephan was okay with getting his drink in a plastic cup. The older woman gladly served and handed Andreas the mug. The mug was a black and purple one with the silhouette of the town they lived in. They enjoyed their drink while chatting with the people around them. Some asked for photos. Some requested autographs. They gladly fulfilled every wish for the next few hours.

The night was still very young when they finished. Andreas and Stephan had spent almost 4 hours at the market. They didn’t intend to, but they had fun nonetheless. They grabbed the mug and left in the now-falling snow. So, the two Germans went home immediately. They walked carefully, as they didn’t want the newest mug to get damaged or break. They arrived home around 6. It was quite dark already. Andreas asked if Stephan wanted to make the gingerbread house for the Christmas table.

“It can wait.” Stephan smiled and said, “We have roughly 3 days left. Let me make your hot chocolate.”

Andreas thanked his love and went to their sitting area. He stood in the window and watched the falling snow. He was thinking of what the other one had decided to gift him this year. Likewise, he quickly realized the truth. Stephan slowly walked to him with the gingerbread hot chocolate. He handed Andreas his favourite mug. The young German thanked Stephan and took a sip. It was more delicious than the one at the market. He didn’t know why, yet he complimented the other one’s skills. At that moment, he realized something. As Stephan hugged him from behind, a small teardrop of happiness ran down his cheek.

“Are you crying?” Stephan asked Andreas, kissing his cheek. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, my love. "I just realized something,” the young one answered. “This hot chocolate is more delicious than the one we had last year.”

“I am glad that you love it. I tried my best…”

“...and you succeeded. Thank you.”

The boys sat down on the sofa near their fireplace. Stephan wrapped Andreas in an embrace. He complimented his love for a long time. Andreas just blushed as an answer while enjoying the hot chocolate he had received earlier. He realized what Christmas was about. It wasn’t about the gifts someone was about to receive. It was something else. When Stephan asked what it meant, he simply answered:

“Christmas is not about the gifts. It is about being around people whom we love the most. I’ve already received the best gift when I met you for the first time. The best gift in my life is you.”

[clonerightsagenda]

Pick a favorite character for the ask thing

(Ask meme here)

Did you know in my years of doing this ask meme, no one has asked about my beloved Hera? Possibly bc I talk about her so much already. Jokes on everyone, we are doing it again

First impression

I have told this story many times, but I was white knuckling it through the whole podcast terrified that she would get her memories deleted. To be entirely fair that was a rejected season 3 concept.

Impression now

I love her! Favorite AI character of all time. Chronic pain solidarity.

Favorite moment

I have many favorite moments, but what's coming to mind now based on some of my other responses to this prompt is that Hera delivers the only "I love you" aimed at people who are physically present. Minkowski says it in a message to her husband, Eiffel says it in a recording to his daughter, but iirc Hera is the only one to say it live, and it's platonic and to the group, which I Just Think Is Neat. (Iconically aro podcast w359 strikes again.) Also the whole quote is "I love you guys, but you need to get it through your heads that what goes for you doesn't go for me" which really gets back to one of the show's points that love isn't enough. You can genuinely care for someone and want the best for them and still fuck up, still hurt them, still not fully understand what they're going through. But you still have to communicate and you still have to try.

Idea for a story

Currently working on a PGW fic where the crew swings by the Hermes on their way back to Earth to rescue that station's AI and Hera has to work through her feelings about facing someone who was in the same situation as she was but did not come out on top. Rn she is being unfair about it.

Hera’s equally on edge. “The collar program is still running, she might not have that much processing power. But be ready in case she tries something. She’d better not try anything.” “It’s not her fault, is it?” he asks, surprised by the viciousness in her tone. “I beat a collar program.” “Didn’t Dr. Maxwell help you a lot, though?” Hera doesn’t like talking about Dr. Maxwell. “I don’t care,” she says instead. “She shouldn’t have let Dr. Pryce make her hurt them. Just because she couldn’t stop Dr. Pryce from taking her crew away from her doesn’t mean she gets to take mine away from me.”

Unpopular opinion

You mean besides my post that got me vagueblogged about? Here's another one: I don't think Hera would want or enjoy a human/humanoid body. The one time she's limited to a single source of visual input, her response is "it's weird; I don't like it". She's proud of being able to see colors our skull-gelatin can't comprehend, even if she's sorry she can't share them with anyone. She enjoys being a AI mother program when she's on a functioning system like the Sol. Yes she envisions herself as present with the crew in parts of Memoria, and there's an implication she's given herself a humansona, but my interpretation of that was that she wants to be treated as one of them, and unfortunately most of the crew's approach to treating her as a person is trying to treat her like a human. She's not wrong to think they'd relate to her better if she looked like them. (Is that not the same principle the Listeners used?) Maxwell was able to meet with her on her level, but as much as the other crewmembers care about her, they don't understand Hera in the same way. Downloading her into an android body feels like an accommodation for their benefit rather than trying to find a way for her to thrive on her own terms. Smarthouse Hera forever.

(For the record when her VA was asked if Hera would like being human her response was 'she'd try it for a day to see what it's like but she wouldn't want to stay that way'. Seems reasonable to me.)

Favorite relationship

As most followers know I am very fond of her (non-romantic!!) friendship with Eiffel. They've got a lot in common! They fuck up with each other but then do better! They were both sent up there knowing they were disposable and then decide to care about each other on purpose. However most followers also know that in my last few relistens I've been thinking a lot about her overlaps with Lovelace - how they are both surveillance tools that entities use to try to hurt other people, and they both overcome that. Hera is extending non-human solidarity but she wants to be recognized as a non-human person and Lovelace would really prefer to be viewed as human, thanks. There's tension there.

Favorite headcanon

I've posted before that I think she retains some of Pryce and Eiffel's memories which has funny, sad, and interesting implications. Among these I think she kept override codes Pryce can use on AIs so she can fight that kind of thing off in the future, and something that will come up in that Hermes fic is her deciding whether she's willing to use those on someone else. Stay tuned.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

hi raven :D! I think you've spoken about twst and languages in their world, so I was wondering if you've ever had a discussion about the possibility of a "merfolk language"? obviously they can speak the universal language of the twst world, but do you think they could have a native language too, consisting of something more adapted to living under the sea and thus more inhuman (clicks, growls, etc)? like one that maybe humans can't even hear because human ears have a limit on what they can hear or something like that? I think it's a fun little headcanon but maybe it's just because I am the type to enjoy blatant inhuman traits in inhuman characters 👉👈 (like azul still being able to barf up ink as a human, and the tweels still have a pharyngeal jaw even after taking their human pills)

On “French” in TWST: part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7

On the light novel’s translation spell: part 1 / part 2 / part 3

Yes, I’ve talked about language in Twisted Wonderland many times ^^ (Please see the linked posts above if you’re interested in the discussion!)

I don’t think we’ve considered a language for merpeople in detail before?? 🤔 It’s a weird grey area (the same as with any theoretical“beastman” languages) since the race is half human and half animal; Animal Languages already exists as their own separate entity, and then we have the various languages of other groups (we learn in Fairy Gala: If that smaller fairies communicate in sounds that resemble jingling bells, people in the City of Flowers speak “French” like Rook does, Epel’s hometown appears to speak its own language that his classmates find difficult to understand, etc). I wonder if this would mean that a merpeople language would be a marriage of an animal language and a human language, or if it would be less of a whole new language and more of a dialect which combines mannerisms and grammatical rules from both sources???

I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned or written about “Mermish” in some of my own fics! I usually describe it as very flowy and lyrical, like the words just spill into each other and you don’t know when one word ends and when another starts. Basically, it’s less like speaking and more like music. This version of the language is ingrained in siren lore (you know, singing prettily to lure sailors to their doom 😂) rather than the practical lore (ie the more animalistic sounds to navigate the dark, treacherous waters of the deep), but I enjoy both interpretations and find them equally as valid! I do think that the language would probably be audible to a human though how else would their prey be drawn in???. Humans don’t have the most sensitive hearing ever, but you’d be surprised just how much our ears can sense!

There hasn’t been any indication in the lore (at least as far as I can tell) of there being a whole other language or dialect specifically for merpeople, so the idea is just speculation. I’d think if there were to be any proof of this, then we’d probably hear Azul talk about how beneficial it is to know many languages, as this could help his business flourish. Even a mention from Floyd would work, as he does mention (again, during Beans Day) that he, Jade, and Azul went to a month-long camp on land to learn about life in the world above. There wasn’t a mention of having to pick up on a new language (and a month isn’t long enough to become conversational anyway). In any case, very few merpeople are said to come to the surface (for work, for schooling, etc), so it seems unlikely to me that underwater schools would make the theoretical “common tongue” of Twisted Wonderland an educational requirement for young merkids. I’d think the merkids would have to actively seek out and study the “common tongue” as a second language if they plan to pursue a career on land. But already knowing the language cannot be a prerequisite for the camp, since it is said the program was eager to accept the Octatrio (which makes it sound like getting into it is very easy to do).

So I guess my line of thinking is… If merchildren were required to learn the common tongue, it makes sense why the training camp didn’t include language. However, this doesn’t make much sense to begin with because why have that linguistic curriculum if it’s assumed most merpeople won’t engage with the world of land? In the opposite scenario (in which merchildren aren’t required to learn the common tongue), why wouldn’t there be curriculum on language in the camp? Already knowing the common tongue doesn’t seem to be requirement for the camp, since the lore makes it sound like the camp is desperate to take people in (due to most merpeople not having an interest in living/studying/working on land).

Let me tell you, trying to figure out half human, half fish anatomy and physiology is not how I thought I’d be using my brain cells 😂

[ginalover]

Interview: Gina Gershon on the Love Story and Legacy of the Wachowskis’ ‘Bound’

Gershon discusses what makes the film such an enduring and endearing queer cinema classic.

by Marshall Shaffer

June 25, 2024

 

Gina Gershon’s body of work boasts a murderer’s row of formidable directors. Following her debut in John Hughes’s Pretty in Pink, she went on to appear in films by John Sayles, Robert Altman, John Woo, Michael Mann, Olivier Assayas, William Friedkin, and Woody Allen. Yet it’s two fateful collaborations in consecutive years—Paul Verhoeven on 1995’s Showgirls and the Wachowskis on 1996’s Bound—that loom largest over her filmography.

As Corky in Bound, Gershon displays a fierce commitment to the physical and emotional realism of a lesbian ex-con trying to restart her life, seamlessly transmuting the brooding of a classic noir protagonist into the body of a contemporary butch plumber. This makes it all the easier to understand how she’d fall for a traditional femme fatale like Jennifer Tilly’s Violet.

The erotic and ecstatic chemistry between the two escalates into an elaborate heist plot to get out from under Violet’s mafia money-laundering husband, Joe Pantoliano’s Caesar. And at every turn, the Wachowskis match the excitement of their story with equally mesmerizing direction.

In a less forgiving era for female stars as sexual beings on screen, Gershon refused to bow to expectations for how and who her characters could love. Her commitment to the stories she wanted to tell came with costs at the time, but she’s been validated by the long arc of film history. Showgirls and Bound are now remembered as signature cinematic achievements of the 1990s, with the former film a mainstay of often cheeky repertory theater programming and the latter recently receiving a new home video release through the Criterion Collection.

I spoke with Gershon shortly after Bound’s new 4K digital restoration was released by Criterion. Our conversation covered how she developed the character of Corky, where the Wachowskis guided her to see the full picture of Bound’s construction on set, and what makes the film such an enduring and endearing queer cinema classic.

Before we start, I should say that I actually studied Bound in a college film class.

It’s a good one for film class because there’s so much to discuss, just technically, the way it was shot, and the meaning of it. That would be fun. Good for that teacher!

You’ve teased writing a more traditional memoir than your 2012 book In Search of Cleo. How would you tell the story of Bound in your book? What’s the enduring memory that lingers on decades later?

I actually am writing another book, and I talk about Bound. My enduring memory of it always was how shocked I was my agents didn’t want me to do it. Everyone literally was saying, “You’re gonna ruin your career.” It was a moment of like, “What are you talking about?” And I realized how homophobic the business was. I just saw an incredible script and a great opportunity. And they’re like, “Oh, it’s a lesbian movie!” You know, people weren’t doing that then. Which, in retrospect, is just insane. It was a good lesson in just standing up for what you believe. And I was like, “This is my career, I’m doing this. I think the Wachowskis are exceptional filmmakers. I want to play Corky. I think this will be cool.” I’m glad I did.

What guides your instincts in picking films and seeing beyond the immediate concerns of agents and publicists?

You worked with many visionary directors well into their careers. Could you tell the signs were there for the Wachowskis even though it was their first film?

I get this thing in my stomach: If I meet a really good director—or in this case, directors—I just get giddy. I don’t know why or how I know. But if it’s a really talented person, and the Wachowskis are just geniuses with what they did, I know. Certainly, my agents were like [does a nervous voice], “First-time directors…” And I’m like, “Yeah.” The second I started talking to them about certain shots and how they saw the film, I knew they were very special. And I thought, “I’m in.” It’s exciting to be with first-timers where you say, “I believe in these people doing this.” Sometimes I guess you’re wrong, but I wasn’t surprised how well it turned out.

Were you clocking the Wachowskis’ unconventional filming style with so many close-ups and overhead shots? Does that play into your performance?

No, it’s still the same. You’re still trying to be in the moment and truthful. Instead of just wildly going, “I’m just going to do this,” with certain scenes, they’re like, “No, we need you to look to the left because then we’re going to cut it with the Benjamin Franklin dollar bill looking over to the left.” At first, I’m like, “It feels doesn’t feel right looking this way!” And then they would tell me what they were going to cut it to, and I’d be like, “Ahh, super cool! Okay.” Sometimes directors make the mistake of not clueing in their actors, but that only helped me. I’m a visual person. You can tell me a zillion things, and if you show me something, I’m like, “Oh, yeah, cool!” You want to be part of the team and make that cool image happen. It gave you boundaries of how and where you’re going to be looking. Hopefully, if you do your work, it doesn’t matter.

How did the Wachowskis direct you beyond just getting you to hit your marks? How were they helping you find the character?

Oh, that’s interesting, I don’t really remember them ever doing that! [laughs]

Was it just a matter of them trusting you that much?

When I read for Corky, they liked my reading. To me, Corky was very still like those noir guys or actor men who I always projected everything onto. You can’t help but fall in love with [them]. It was a different, and very still, sort of performance for me. You try not to give away too much. Corky is coming out of jail. She doesn’t trust anyone, so she’s clocking everything. In a lot of those scenes, the audience is learning stuff through Corky’s eyes. I think we were just in cahoots with how that was going on. Maybe [they said], “Amp this or that up,” but it was also a while ago, so I don’t recall. It was more of a physical thing: “You’ve got to look this way.”

Your preparation for the film included looking at swaggering icons like Marlon Brando, Montgomery Clift, and Robert Mitchum. How do those inspirations manifest inside Corky? Is it a matter of incorporating masculinity into the character or blurring the gender binary altogether?

I know, as a woman, what I thought was really sexy when I would look at a man. The way he would hold a beer, certain things as a female looking at a male, I’m like, “Oh, that’s so cool. That’s so sexy.” It was just very quintessential male, like the way they would hold a steering wheel. Those are just like my own little quirks that I love!

It was more of an emotional thing. I started boxing to learn stillness. Instead of being like a [Marvin] Hagler, I wanted to be more like a Sugar Ray [Leonard]. He just moved when he needed to. He was very calm, and I think it was that energy I was tapping into more than anything else. That comes out of you [not wanting] to get hit. It’s a trust issue, who are these people? I didn’t look at it as male or female. I just looked at it as an energy of why they are being that way. It was always very alluring to project onto someone who’s doing…not that you’re doing nothing, but Corky was an interesting character to let people project onto.

It also feels like these characters are consciously playing a part based on what they’ve seen in the culture. Listening to the archival commentary track on the Criterion release, I heard that the Wachowskis gave The Treasure of the Sierra Madre to Joe Pantoliano as a direct influence within a scene.

Interesting, I don’t remember them telling me [to go in that direction]. I go interior-exterior. I just think if you’re someone who’s gauging what is going on and clocking the room and reading the room, it’s not out of insecurity. You don’t give anything away. You don’t make yourself vulnerable in a situation. You just have to figure out: Is this safe? That’s where I think her stillness comes from. Listen, I remember falling in love younger, like, “Oh, he’s so tall, dark, handsome, and quiet.” And then later on, you’re like, “Oh, he’s quiet because he has literally nothing to say!” But you don’t know that at first. And I think there’s something alluring about projecting onto someone and making them much more than they are.

There was some back-and-forth between you and Jennifer on who should play which character in the film. Was each of you having that insight into both Violet and Corky something that helped the production?

I never saw Jennifer [playing Corky]. I think I was playing her [from the start], and then we went to go see Jennifer because they obviously had to see our chemistry. We went to visit her—I want to say Las Vegas, but I could be completely making that up. Jennifer is so animated, so girly, and so like [impersonating Tilly], “Alright, well, you know…” It was so fun to watch! I just thought, “Oh my god, I could do this with her.” As a dude trying to get that energy of just watching some girl, I could watch Jennifer forever and be entertained. And I think there was that element of like, “Who is this creature in front of me?” She’s very alluring, and you could see why Corky would fall in love with Violet even against her better judgment.

How do you feel when the tide starts to shift on a film like Showgirls or Bound? When does the initial reception fade into the background and you can tell it’s been reclaimed as something like a cult classic?

That’s interesting, isn’t it? As soon as Bound came out and people started seeing it, everyone was into it. It was just a matter of the NC-17 from the rating boards. As soon as actors, directors, and regular people started watching the movie, it became a classic instantly.

Showgirls has got its own trajectory. I went to a screening the other night of the film at the Paris Theater. A friend of mine was like, “You have to come and see this,” because I always think I just get PTSD when I watch it. I hadn’t seen it in so long, but seeing it now was so interesting. It’s got a totally different meaning, and maybe people unconsciously were tapping into that. But I find it more interesting that the critics, people who absolutely hated this movie [and said] “this is the worst movie”…to this day, everyone asks me about it. What does that tell you? It’s interesting.

Has the meaning or experience of Bound changed at all for you, especially now knowing it was the project of two transgender women who might not have necessarily had the language or the knowledge to express themselves directly?

I remember asking them, “What do you know about being a woman? How are you going to direct this?” Which feels kind of foolish in retrospect! It certainly had a different meaning to them that I wasn’t aware of. But I think, in general, everyone in that movie is in a box. They’re all bound in some way, and everyone’s trying to become free to be able to be who they are. Of course, we could read so much more into it. I’m sure there’s a reason why they wrote it, but I didn’t know that at the time. I think it’s pretty cool! [laughs]

When you think about the imagery of the closet or even something like the thin walls between the apartments, those feel ripe for symbolic analysis. As you mentioned at the start, it’s a rich text in that way.

I mean, the pipes are all throughout the movie. There’s water, sweat, and wetness. It’s very, very clever. It’s a good thing to have in film school, right? There are a zillion essays [to write] on it.

Have you been involved or consulted on the upcoming stage adaptation of Bound?

I heard about that, but I wasn’t really that aware of it. I mean, it’d be fun to see! Listen, I always felt we were basically doing it in one or maybe two rooms, and I used to say, “God, this could literally be done as a play!” The writing is good enough, although I think so much of the fun of this is the way it looks, the way it’s shot, and the nods to film noir but turning it on its head.

Do you think a version of Corky in 2024 would be played similarly to the way that you played it?

Hopefully, every actress is going to play something differently, but I think the ultimate essence is still the same. To me, it was always a love story. It was about trust. How do you trust someone to give yourself over to them? For me, as Corky, that was the bigger [story]. I never really looked at it like, “Oh, it’s a lesbian, it’s a guy, it’s a girl…” I just thought, “Will I trust this person enough to go all the way in and risk my life?” I’ll be very curious to see what they do with the adaptation. I bet it’ll be cool. I hope it’s cool!

[nerdythebard]

#57: Yang Xiao Long [RWBY]

[Art Credit: izumi_sai] ---

Let me explain:

The request to build a D&D version of everybody's favourite punny brawling bombshell, Yang Xiao Long, came from an anonymous reader as the most recent one. However, I have decided to make this a priority since the requestor mentioned they have a campaign coming and they wish to play as the iconic character from RWBY. If I'm too late, I am so sorry... but I will at least go out with a Yang! ...Eh? Eh?

Next Time: Back to our regularly scheduled program with Doctor Liao and the origins of Skynet!

Now then, let's see what we need to past this Hunter exam!

One Punch Gal: Yang is a master of hand-to-hand combat, but she's also quite proficient with her gauntlet guns, the Ember Celica, to attack enemies at a distance... with her fists.

Uno Reverse Hulk: Yang absorbs the kinetic energy from attacks directed at her (but keeps the pain) to reinforce her own attacks and protections.

One Woman Army: Early on, Yang's battle tactics were simple: walk in and own everything and everyone. As the problems in the world of RWBY evolved, so did her approach to resolving fights, but she still remains the strongest member of the team and its chief frontliner.

---

As far as we know, Yang is a human; we will, however, use the Aasimar from Mordenkainen's Monsters of the Multiverse to represent her ability to use Aura and Semblance. We get a +2 and a +1 to two abilities of our choice (Constitution and Strength respectively), speed of 30 feet, Celestial Resistance to radiant and necrotic damage, Healing Hands ability that allows us to, once per long rest, heal a number of Hit Points equal to [our proficiency bonus]d4, and the Light cantrip.

Yang is a rather famous Huntress, known for her physical prowess, so we're gonna give her the Athlete background. We gain proficiencies in Acrobatics and Athletics, one language of our choice, proficiency with land vehicles (which means we can get our Bumblebee before we get the... other Bumblebee) and the Echoes of Victory feature; whenever we arrive at a new location, there is a 50/50 chance we will find a fan of ours, who is willing to share information or provide a shelter.

ABILITY SCORES

Strength will be our primary focus; we need to be able to effectively punch anything ranging from random bar thugs to giant nightmare werewolves. Constitution will be next, the other half of being the frontliner is the ability to take a hit. Dexterity is after that, Yang learns to evade and position herself a bit later in her career; plus, we need to take care of the physical stats first.

Charisma is next, her puns may be awful but Yang herself is rather charming (and quite intimidating when she needs to be). Wisdom will be on the lower end, because she still gets a good advice every now and then, and we're dumping Intelligence.

CLASS

Level 1 - Barbarian: Let's start with a solid base. Barbarians get d12 as their Hit Dice, [12 + our Constitution modifier] initial Hit Points, proficiencies in light armour, medium armour, shields, simple weapons, and martial weapons. Yang does not wear armour, and we will not use weapons (but we still are gonna get the Ember Celica, trus me) but can grab something simple just in case. Our saving throws are Strength and Constitution, and we get to pick two class skills from the list (Intimidation and Perception).

Barbarians start with their signature ability, Rage. As a bonus action, we enter a state of furious, gaining the following benefits provided we do not wear a heavy armour:

Advantage on Strength-related checks and saving throws

A +2 bonus to damage rolls of our Strength-based melee weapon attacks

Resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage

While raging we cannot cast spells or concentrate on them. Rage lasts for 1 minute or until we're knocked unconscious. It also ends if we do not attack/take damage from a hostile create for one turn.

We also gain Unarmoured Defense. When unarmoured, our AC equals [10 + our Dexterity modifier + our Constitution modifier]. We can still use a shield and gain this benefit.

Level 2 - Barbarian: We awaken our Danger Sense. If we're not blinded, deafened, or incapacitated, we gain an advantage on Dexterity saving throws against effects we can see, such as traps or spells. We also learn how to make a Reckless Attack; when we attack for the first time, we can declare it reckless and gain an advantage on melee weapon attacks for that turn. Unfortunately, all enemies have an advantage on attacks made against us for that time.

Level 3 - Fighter: Time to get some technique to our fists. Multiclassing into Fighter gives us proficiencies we already have, so we can skip those. We get to choose our Fighting Style, and it's a no-brainer to grab Unarmed Fighting for Yang. We can now deal [1d6 + our Strength modifier] bludgeoning damage with our unarmed strikes. If we do not use any weapons, the die changes to 1d8. We also get Second Wind, which allows us to heal [1d10 + our Fighter level] Hit Points as a bonus action once per short or long rest.

At this level, we also gain the racial ability Celestial Revelation. As a bonus action, we can unleash our celestial energy Aura and transform for 1 minute. With the Radiant Consumption option, we emit a bright light for 10 feet and a dim light for another 10. Until the transformation ends, each creature within 10 feet of us suffers radiant damage equal to our proficiency bonus, and we can add the same amount of radiant damage to one target whenever we attack it.

Level 4 - Fighter: We get Action Surge, which allows us to once per short or long rest take an extra Action on our turn in combat.

Level 5 - Fighter: We pick our first subclass, our Martial Archetype. We will focus on the power behind Yang's punches and pick the Champion Archetype. With Improved Critical, our weapon attacks score a critical hit on either a 19 or a 20.

Level 6 - Fighter: We finally get our first Ability Score Improvement. We need to increase our Wisdom and Dexterity by 1 point each.

Level 7 - Fighter: We now get Extra Attack. We can now make two strikes during a single Attack action.

Level 8 - Fighter: Our next ASI. We can finally put two more points into Wisdom and jump classes to refine our technique.

Level 9 - Monk: Unfortunately, once again we have to pass on some multiclassing benefits. Additionally, here is where we could gain Unarmoured Defense, but the one from Barbarian's side of the build is a bit better for us. We do, however, gain access to Martial Arts. While unarmed (or wielding a monk weapon) and unarmoured we gain the following benefits:

We can use our Dexterity or Strength when using unarmed strikes and monk weapons

We can roll a d4 in place of the regular damage dice for unarmed strikes and monk weapons; that Martial Arts dice changes as we level up.

When we use the Attack action unarmed or with a monk weapon, we can use our bonus action to make another unarmed attack.

Since Yang uses the long-ranged Ember Celica, we can replace that (for now) with a set of monk darts (or, you can ask your DM for a hand-mounted small crossbows)

Level 10 - Monk: Halfway through the build and we unlock the Monk's key feature known as Ki (hah!). We gain a pool of Ki Points that we can spend in order to gain some extra features. We start with three of those:

Flurry of Blows: Spending 1 Ki Point lets us make two unarmed strikes as a bonus action if we make the Attack action.

Patient Defense: Spending 1 Ki Point lets us take the Dodge action as a bonus action.

Step of the Wind: Spending 1 Ki Point lets us the Dash or Disengage actions as bonus actions, and it doubles your jumping distance for the turn.

We also gain Unarmoured Movement. As long as we're not wearing armour, our speed gains a +10 feet bonus.

Level 11 - Monk: We learn how to Deflect Missiles. When targeted by a projectile, we can use our Reaction to reduce the damage by [1d10 + our Dexterity modifier + our Monk level]. If we manage to reduce the damage to 0, we catch the projectile and can use the same Reaction to make a ranged (20/60) attack with it.

Here, we also pick our third subclass - our Monastic Tradition. We can now activate our Aura with Way of the Sun Soul. We can now fire off even more devastating bolts with our Ember Celica. With Radiant Sun Bolt, we gain a new way to use our Attack action: a special spell attack with the range of 30 feet, we are proficient with it and add our Dexterity modifier, the damage type is radiant and the damage die is our Martial Arts die. We can also make those attacks as our Flurry of Blows technique.

Level 12 - Monk: We finally get another ASI. Let's put two points into Dexterity to increase all the important stuff. At this level, we also learn Slow Fall - we can reduce our falling damage by [our Monk level x5]. Additionally, since we didn't get anything from multiclassing into either Monk or Fighter, I personally would allow to take the optional Quickened Healing feature, but discuss it with your DM.

Level 13 - Monk: Our Martial Arts die becomes 1d6 now. We also gain a new Ki option - Stunning Strike. When we hit a creature with a melee weapon attack, we can spend 1 Ki Point to attempt to stun it. The target must make a Constitution saving throw or become stunned until the end of our next turn.

At this level, the Monk would've gotten the Extra Attack. Since we already have it from Fighter, we wouldn't stack it. That being said, I would allow it to evolve, since this is around the time you would get Extra Attack Upgrade as a Fighter, and we do need to make Yang more punchy. Once again, discuss it with your DM.

Level 14 - Monk: With Ki-Empowered Strikes, our punches now count as magical for the purpose of overcoming resistances and immunities... which means you can punch ghosts now. Also, our Unarmoured Movement bonus is not +15 feet.

We also gain a subclass upgrade. With Searing Arc Strike, we can now spend 2 Ki Points as a bonus action immediately after an attack to cast Burning Hands. We can spend more Ki Points to raise the spell's level

Level 15 - Monk: Time for some strategic positioning both physically and mentally. With Evasion, we now take no damage if we succeed on an area-of-effect Dexterity saving throw (if we fail, we take half damage when we would normally take full damage). With Stillness of Mind, we can use our Action to end a charmed or frightened effect on ourselves.

Level 16 - Monk: Time for another ASI, and we're going to raise our Strength by two points to... pack more of a punch? ...Eh? Eh?

...Well, they can't all be winners.

Level 17 - Monk: With Unarmoured Movement Improvement, we can now run across liquids and vertical surfaces without losing our foothold (as long as we have enough movement).

Level 18 - Monk: Our Unarmoured Movement bonus is now +20 feet. We also explore more healing properties of our Aura with Purity of Body; we are now immune to all poison and disease.

Level 19 - Monk: Our Martial Arts die is now a 1d8. It's also time for another subclass upgrade; with Searing Sunburst, we can create an orb of light and hurl it at any point within 150 feet. Every creature within 20 feet radius has to make a Constitution saving throw or take 2d6 radiant damage. While it doesn't seem like a lot, we can spend some Ki Points to increase the damage (1 Ki Point for extra 2d6 to a maximum of 3 Ki Points).

Level 20 - Monk: Our capstone is Monk 12, which gives us an ASI. While we could max out our Strength, let's put two points into Constitution for better AC and extra HP before the big final fight with Salem.

---

And that's the Goldilocks Berserker. Let's see how we did:

First of all, for someone who exclusively uses her fists, we've managed to compile quite a roster of damage-dealing. At our absolute maximum, in one turn we can punch twice as a standard attack for 1d8+4, add two more attacks with Flurry of Blows, and then use Action Surge to do that whole thing again for the maximum of 48 damage. And if that doesn't work out, we have some Ki-based Kamehameha shots and if it seems like we're getting too much damage we can easily heal.

Our unarmoured AC is 17, we have a +3 to our Initiative, 50 feet of ground speed, and the average of 181 Hit Points.

While we have a rather decent physical ability spread (18/16/18), our mental side is rather abandoned. We are also a single-purpose character: we need to punch stuff, and the few skill proficiencies we have are also geared for that.

---

And that's Ms Xiao Long. That was fun, though I did not expect to make her so similar to the previous build. Anywho, to the anonymous person who requested this - I hope it meets your expectations and your campaign turns out to be fun. Enjoy!

-Nerdy out!

[beardedmrbean]

The left-wing Southern Poverty Law Center reportedly laid off more than 60 employees late Wednesday, leading at least one member of its union to assail the Montgomery, Alabama.-based organization on X, formerly Twitter. 

The organization has long been known for its cataloging of purported “hate groups” and “enabler” groups or individuals, including several evangelical and Catholic entities, conservative members of Congress and the late radio icon Rush Limbaugh – all of which are sprinkled among its monitoring of groups more widely considered racist or misogynist such as the Ku Klux Klan and Proud Boys.

Several of the reported layoffs affected top officials in the organization’s union, which was reportedly organized in 2019 to fight “inequitable” practices at the organization.

“Today, SPLC – my employer – laid off over 60 of our union members, essentially shuttering multiple departments,” Hannah Gais wrote on X. 

“Speaking in a personal capacity, I endorse each and every single word of this statement from our union. [A]n organization with this much money has no excuse,” she added.

The referenced union statement, also posted to X, said more than 60 union members, including its chairperson and five stewards, were informed their jobs would be cut.

“We are devastated for our union and for our colleagues,” the union said. In another tweet, the union said SPLC has nearly $1 billion in reserves and is facing allegations of “hoarding” donations while “gutting its staff by a quarter.”

Fox News Digital reached out to SPLC for comment on the layoffs and allegations of donation hoarding via multiple avenues but did not immediately receive a response. A person who picked up the phone at the organization directed Fox News Digital to an extension that eventually went to voicemail.

In a statement to the Alabama Reflector, the group said it would be taking actions to streamline its activities and operations in order to better advance its cause.

“We announced internally the consolidation of certain programs and activities as well as the elimination of others, resulting in staff reductions,” the press team wrote. 

“This was a difficult but necessary decision to focus and align our work with our programmatic priorities and goals. We deeply value the contributions of all our staff and their commitment to ensuring the promise of equal justice is a reality for all,” the group told the outlet.

The Reflector reported the group said the move would allow Deep South communities to be better served.

The group has long faced a history of discrimination allegations while simultaneously claiming to be a “catalyst for racial justice in the South and beyond.”

In the 1980s, the group won several civil suits on behalf of KKK victims. The organization was originally founded in 1971.

In 2022, in response to allegations by union members of an “inequitable” post-COVID reopening plan at its offices, SPLC President and CEO Margaret Huang tallied 400 employees at the time, and said less than 10% held positions that required them to be in the office.

The SPLC also notably had to apologize after labeling neurosurgeon and former Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson as an “extremist.”

[eternal--returned]

Even before the days of the camera there was a definite distinction between portraits which served as historical or family memorials and portraits that were works of art. Rembrandt knew the difference; for, once he insisted upon painting works of art, he lost all his patrons. Sargent, on the other hand, never succeeded in creating either a work of art or in losing a patron—for obvious reasons. There is, however, a profound reason for the persistence of the word 'portrait' because the real essence of the great portraiture of all time is the artist's eternal interest in the human figure, character and emotions—in short, in the human drama. That Rembrandt expressed it by posing a sitter is irrelevant. We do not know the sitter but we are intensely aware of the drama. The Archaic Greeks, on the other hand, used as their models the inner visions which they had of their gods. And in our day, our visions are the fulfillment of our own needs. It must be noted that the great painters of the figure had this in com-mon. Their portraits resemble each other far more than they recall the peculiarities of a particular model. In a sense they have painted one character in all their work. This is equally true of Rembrandt, the Greeks, or Modigliani, to pick someone closer to our own time. The Romans, on the other hand, whose portraits are facsimiles of appearance, never approached art at all. What is indicated here is that the artist's real model is an ideal which embraces all of human drama rather than the appearance of a particular individual Today the artist is no longer constrained by the limitation that all of man's experience is expressed by his outward appearance. Freed from the need of describing a particular person, the possibilities are endless. The whole of man's experience becomes his model, and in that sense it can be said that all of art is a portrait of an idea.

Mark Rothko ֍ The Portrait and the Modern Artist, Radio WYNC, Art in New York Program (1943)

[tuttertime]

Thursday Interview- Wonka Vision, No. 14, June-July 2001

(original scan) (transcription under the cut)

By Justin Luczenjko

By Justin Luczenjko

(Image of Tucker Rule, Tim Payne, and Tom Keeley of Thursday with building behind them)

This interviewed [sic] flowed so well that I had to cut out a good 40% of it because most of it was just conversation. You missed discussions on Equal Vision Records slave labor program they have going on in a secluded barn in upstate New York, New Jerseys very own Pinball Records plot to overthrow Fat Wreck Chords and tons of other juicy tid bits of information shared between me and Geoff, the lead singer of Thursday. So I dulled down the interview just a bit and burned the tapes for we need no evidence…the proof is in the putting. So we got down to the basics here. Getting jacked att he [sic] YMCA, Thursday’s unique way of communicating with one another as a band, and the reason they choose such a plain Jane name as Thursday.

(Image of the 2001 lineup of the band in polaroid frame captioned “Thursday”)

Justin Luczenjko: So you guys are from Jersey? What’s the low-down?

Geoff Rickley: We haven't been together too long. We did shows in New Brunswick in my basement. We put on a lot of shows there like Kid Dynamite and Hot Water Music. We stopped doing shows cause the cops shut us down.

JL: Ahhh, the all too familiar shutting down of the D.I.Y. venue story.

GR: We were going to do our record release in Jersey at the Melody Bar, but that just closed down also.

JL:So your new record just came out on Victory Records. Are you guys feeling a buzz about it?

GR: It’s kinda hard to gauge by being on the road and having kids at shows that are already singing along to it and it's not even out yet.

JL: How do you associate that?

GR: Well, I know Victory sent out promo copies. So I guess it's kids making copies of it. Which is awesome! That and Napster. I don't mind at all. As long as kids are hearing it. 

JL: What do you do in the band?

GR: I sing. I do some of the screaming stuff but all through the record you'll hear 4 different voices. Everyone except the drummer. He tried doing it at a show but had a hard time and was like,"I'm just going to play drums". He is great! He learned how to play drums for our first record.(on Eyeball Records) He's been playing for about two years now. He started playing drums for like 8-9 hours a day. I'd give him my favorite drummers stuff and he'd learn it. He picked up all these Shift and Burn songs. Before I joined the band these guys were a little straightedge band called Turnbuckle.

JL: How about you? Have you done anything substantial musically, prior to Thursday?

GR: I played saxophone with a blues band.They are called Green Apple Quick Step. I did a tour with them starting in Seattle, but we mostly played around Philadelphia and New York. It was weird cause I was 16 playing at the T.L.A. in Philly and I had to just make stuff up off the top of my head in front of these big crowds of people.

JL: How long did that last with those guys?

GR: Well, it got kinda crazy. They signed with Sony and Sony ended up not putting their record out,Only they weren't allowed to put it out either. They basically got screwed in the end, but they are really nice guys.

JL: I guess when I first saw your CD, I saw the name Thursday and was like “Oh No! Another emo band!" That was my initial reaction. Then I found out the truth… 

GR: Oh I know right!

JL: There is Tuesday, The Sundays. Come on guys! What's your reaction to people coming across like that?

GR: It's weird. We didn't really pick it to be all eem [sic]  or anything like that. All the bands that were playing around us had these flashy rockstar like names and we didn’t really want to de a part of that at all. So we said Thursday is universal. It could be anybody. It could be any day. We went with that on sound alone because Thursday just sounded kinda common. Thursday is also a day of transition. Between the work week and the weekend and our music is a lot about transition. In the fact that life is a constant transition. It just keeps changing and changing. And, well, we write about our own lives so we write about something that is inherently on the table. It’s also about looking on the bright side of things. Finding something to make it all make sense for you.

JL: So CMJ I hear was saying some nice things about you guys?

GR: Yeah they have. Even since our first record on Eyeball they have been very supportive of us. My favorite quote that they said about us was “youth hasn’t been this honest in a while”. We are more about honesty then anything else. Sorry I’m doing the laundry to go on tour tomorrow. You get really dirty on tour. This last one, my girlfriend was in California and I went to visit her and hadn't showered or shaved in seven or eight days. I hadn’t changed. OH MY GOD!! It was awful. I wanted to freshen up so I went to the YMCA to shower and shave and somebody stole my wallet in the YMCA.

JL: So would you consider yourself more of a musician or a writer?

GR: I don't really consider myself either. It makes sense to me in the same way that anything you would want to do would make sense to you. It’s just this really weird personal thing I guess. To all five of us. We just start playing and we’ll have ideas and talk about them. We talk about things in the most ridiculous ways. Tom will be like, “ I don’t know, I want to give you more of that like in the back of your head, when you eat Wassabi, and it burns your eyes. I want to give you more of that”. It sounds ridiculous and we are all like, What? But then we’ll play it, and we’ll all kinda know what he meant, and it’s like damn that was scary. As weird as it is. We get along in the most ridiculous ways. They have all known each other forever. I was like the last guy in. It’s so funny to think about them right now after getting home from tour just a few days days ago cause everybody has their own weird little things that they do. 

JL: Give us the dirt…

GR: Well our drummer, we call him Animal, cause he looks just like Animal when he plays the drums. He just spazzes out in the van. He starts jumping over the seats and starts humping everybody. Then there is Tom. He's like the stinky kid in the band. Then there is Steve. He is like all of our Dad’s. He’s 26. He’s the serious guy but he is also the really fun guy. He makes independent films. The movie that he worked on called “George Washington” is getting all kinds of good press. Time Magazine voted it third best movie of the year. He did the camera work. So everybody brings their own little thing I guess. Tim is just a really great down to earth guy, but he’s also really indecisive.

JL: Your about to embark on your longest tour yet. Are you nervous at all to be around these guys for so long?

GR: Sometimes I’m nervous if we can keep getting along. We all love each other but sometimes you’ll go out and not making any money at a show, for whatever reason, then ya have to sleep in the van, then not have anything to eat the next day except peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But someone stepped on the bread and you can’t afford another loaf. Stuff like that.

JL: Have you guys gone to college?

GR: We all dropped out to do the band. There was no real choice in the matter. We just HAD to do it. If anything it’s insurance for us not having a midlife crisis. Thursday is our Porsche!!!! 

[ladyfly]

While You Sleep

Sleepy brain said art

Once again the company had overworked you. It was becoming more common than Sun would like. He and Moon had voiced their opinion but it was met with the threat of decommissioning. At least the plex was coming under new management. Sun hoped that the new owner was more reasonable. 

You had trudged into the Daycare after it had closed for the night. At first, Sun was excited to see you. However, when he got a better look at you he was mortified. It was so bad Moon's protocols to put people to bed began to flood his systems.

You swayed on your feet as you moved. our eyes had large bags under them. You fought so hard to stay awake. Arms reaching out to him pathetically. How much effort did that single action take? Sun skipped up to you. His long legs covered the distance quickly. 

He picked you up as his areal wire came down from the ceiling. He held you in one arm and hooked himself up with the other. It pulled the two of you into the air and towards the tower. He held you firmly in his arms. Following Moon's instructions, he began to hum to you. 

The naptime protocols were pushing so hard to put you to sleep it was agitating Moon. Humming to you satiated the programming. Sun wanted to help Moon alleviate the distress from his programming. He followed Moon's instructions and put you to bed in the room beyond the tube.

While Sun was happy you were getting some much-needed sleep, he was upset he couldn't spend time with you. "You are spending time with them." Moon reminded. Sun nodded "You're right. Just because they aren't awake doesn't mean we aren't together." 

Sun decided to busy himself with an art project. Coloring was always nice, but he does that with the kids all day. He decided now was the perfect time to paint. He gathered his supplies. Sun still wanted to be near you. He set up in the room you were in.

Sun couldn't help watching you sleep. You looked so peaceful. All the stress of the day gone from your form. To him it was angelic. You were his angel sent to him from some far-away place. You showed him so much kindness and love. Agitation crept into the back of his mind.

Yes, yes, you loved Moon too. In fact, you loved them both equally. You took so well to their individual love languages and needs. Moon wanted to be held and touched. He preferred physical affection. Sun, however, preferred words. Tell him he's a good boy and doing a good job. 

He decided he was going to paint you. He would put all of his love for you into his piece. Sun spent the next five hours painting you. Moon agreed Sun could stay out to finish his painting. Sun agreed when the painting was done Moon could come out without interruption. 

Sun painted you sleeping on a cloud in a sunset sky. Stars just starting to dot the sly. Two massive wings folded behind your back. Sun did not include the bags under our eyes. But didn't change anything else about you. He signed his name in the lower right corner.

Sun cleaned his mess and gathered the charcoal art supplies for Moon. He put the painting in the other room for safekeeping. He already knew exactly where he wanted to hang the piece. Sun turned the lights off to allow Moon out.

As they changed they wrapped their arms around themselves to hug each other. Moon let out a pleased hum as he fully became himself. He looked at the painting Sun had done "This looks great! You did a good job Sun." He could feel Sun shy away in their headspace.

With a chuckle, he made his way to you. You were still deep in sleep. Eyes darting back and forth in REM sleep. He sat down beside you and began to sketch his piece for you. He decided to depict you like the queen you are. His queen. His sovereign. 

That which makes his dark realm brighter. Each touch from you is a searing comfort. He would depict you on a throne of roses. Drapes in the softest looking fabrics and glowing brightly. He got to work. Pushing the charcoal around the canvas. This would be perfect for you.

When he was finished he decided it was nowhere near as perfect as you. He was sure you would like it though. The piece was set next to Sun's. Moon returned to you. He laid down beside you and pulled you into his frame. He ran his fingers slowly through your hair as you slept. 

When you woke up Sun was humming and petting your hair. His fans kicked on when you kissed him sleepily. The two of you stayed like that until you woke up more. When you were ready to go hunt for food he presented you with the art he and Moon had done.

[touloserlautrec]

Writer Q&A Tag Game

Thanks for the tag, @ntzsche9! You can find their answers here — and there are some absolute bangers in there.

Gently, no pressure tagging: @camillenrose @pandoras-comment-box @scribe-of-stories @thatndginger @sunset-a-story

1. What motivates you to write?

I can’t not think about stories. If I didn’t write (or pressure @sunset-a-story into co-writing a given scene XD oopsies), I’d just go out of my mind with stories bursting from the seams. It’s how I mainline dopamine.

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

Probably this excerpt from Arc 1:

Mackenzie held her eyes for a moment amidst the table’s laughter. It seemed like nothing could ever make her flinch. “The reality is, there is no fairness,” she said. Her voice was rich and deep like velvet wrapped around a sharp knife. “No justice, no karma, no great equalizer. Not even death.” The table fell silent as she spoke. The woman knew how to command attention and respect. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned in all my days, it’s that we’re not built to hold it in our fragile minds-- this reality that no amount of integrity, righteousness, or fortitude will overcome the affliction of human nature.” She looked at each of them, straight in the eyes. “But if there’s another thing I’ve learned, it’s that those same fragile minds are a weapon. We’re not built to hold that knowledge because that knowledge is useless to us.” Her voice hardened. “This is a war of attrition. Our fragile minds may shatter like glass at that knowledge but shattered glass can slice a man’s throat. Even the tiniest shards can cut up your insides and kill you if you’re made to swallow them. Death may not equalize the world, but it can damn well make a man piss himself. So we let our minds block out the parts that hold us back and we’ll force-feed them the undoing they’ve sown. There have been days when I’ve known everything there is to know, and I can’t hold it all forever, but the one thing that I can’t un-know is that things change. They mutate because of some small itch or tiny displacement. Just look at us. Knacks. Mutations. Impossible changes. Motherfucking pearls.” She picked up the bottle of scotch and started pouring again. “So, Fredericka. You were robbed. They will try to make you thank them for it. Don’t give that to them. Instead, keep your head held high and make them choke on it.”

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

Oooh how do I choose from my babies???? I think Alex is probably the head of the pack— he’s just got so much growth and bravery, and it’s comforting that he lives inside me. On the other hand, Emmett is a very strong contender because he’s such an unhinged, confident person, who does absolutely nonsense things. I can’t help but cackle along with him, and I try to channel him when I need to be confident.

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

I think it’s probably gotta be characters. I think I am pretty good at coming up with interesting, well-rounded characters with unique voices, and writing their inner dialogue and inner workings to further flesh them out.

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

The engagement and encouragement. It was starting to really get crushing to constantly post things to Facebook and Instagram and get pretty much no response, so having a place where people are actively encouraging and lifting each other up feels really good and motivating.

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

Hmm. Google docs has been a life saver in co-writing and organizing this behemoth of a story. The other thing, weird as it may seem, is drawing— drawing and seeing my characters helps me feel inspired to write/brainstorm more story, and vice versa.

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

My favorite piece of world building is The Church. Their weird way station homes, the constant sense of grossness and pared down utilitarianism that comes with being nomadic and single-minded. Their unflagging faith and spirituality of all different sorts. The most welcoming, safest, unwavering hospitality. I love the weird combination of those things. It also lets me indulge my lil’ pagan heart (even with non-pagan characters tbh, because the way they interact with any God(ess)/Spirit/Being, no matter which religion, has so much conviction and deep knowing that it is True and Real and Manifest). Their lifestyle and mission is so compelling to me.

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

We’re always taught to write with the audience in mind, and to an extent that’s true, but first and foremost, write what you want to read, write because it’s fun, and then read your own stuff over and over because you love it and it inspires you to keep going. Read other work too, don’t get me wrong, but just… let yourself enjoy it. Be your own fandom.

[disproportionatelysculpting]

I have many memories flooding in me, nostalgia has it's grip around my neck.

From that summer days lying on the floor with my cousin and falling asleep, to going to my favorite park, traffic park in Nagpur with dad and trying to reach the sky on swing to playing with a girl who became my bestie in a day or two who told me that when plane crosses from your house, don't go on roof or they will give you a rose and kidnap you and so many more insane lies, to visiting my neighbors house and watching om shanti om for first time on that bhaiya's pc to going to restaurant, Rasoighar, the name of the place, as a prize on getting good marks. I remember being enchanted by the lights there and the simple decoration that felt like wonderland to me back them. I remember feeling happy.

From sitting in train on summer vacation waiting to reach my nani's house, playing silly games with my sisters, sacrificing my eyebrows to be done with a rubber band because my sister learned that from her friend, to sharing lotte choco pie chopped into little quadrants in whole family because it was new to market and dad bought one pack with family of 9 kids and many more adults, to the time I slipped and wounded my pinky toe because me and my sister thought it would be nice idea to slip on soap floor while bathing and the cows my nani took care of, the garden was green for most times, my nana's hobby. I remember feeling home.

From watching the carpet of Parijat each morning of springs with dad while I waited to be picked up for school, to that embarrassing memory of me running in school during lunch because my parents visited school and I wanted to look cool, to all the didis and friends in my auto and that one time driver uncle treated us with popsticks, and I stained all of my shirt and skirt with it, to the colony where we waited for other students and the koyal's voices singing early morning, to the boy I danced with for school programs, to playing with all those forgotten faces and nameless humans with crayon shreds and sharpeners. But I remember I was smiling noticing things.

From chopping my hair and throwing out of balcony, front side of the apartment that too, to visiting the house beside ours that looked like a mansion to me back then, to that aunty putting mishri mala around me on Holi to stealing unripe mangoes from the trees from a neighbor's house, to going to my mausi's apartment and all those unfamiliar alleys and roads.

From the weird chaos on my birthdays to the times my dad fed me each day and how I threw a hand on dad and one on mum while sleeping to show I loved them equally while sleeping, to being recorded dancing by my dad while my mum singed the songs and I danced around and sitting on the walls watching Ganesh visharjan with nani and eating ice cream because I got my teeth removed that day from by a dentist and to the time I was left at my dad's friend house and all the fun I had with his daughters.

There are so many more I didn't wrote but those times were so nice, some were not, but most were, or they seemed. Because

From being beaten by my mother over something silly and told to sit out of house on stairs for hours until I said sorry, to my dad putting pencils in between my fingers each time I made mistake in maths, to getting scolded because I couldn't cycle properly when I was learning it to that friend's father death, I saw his dead body in coffin and people crying, I was crying in my room later, I didn't know why back then , I was a kid, death was a foreign concept, to the countless time I fell and broke my knees and lips and burnt my hand, to that night my dad was watching a robbery documentary and I had a nightmare of being kidnapped while I was sleeping in same way, to being told how house was more peaceful when I wasn't there, and that feeling of jealousy for my unborn sibling because I was scared I will lose the love I had. I remember feeling ridiculed by my mother over simple things I thought was love.

Now that I think everything seems made up, or just unreal. Do other people remember it all? was all of this only special to me? were the smiles other gave me real? because I remember it all, the happiness I felt as a kid in this little things, how life was just simply colored and some things have left such a deep memory in me, they resurface once in a while drowning me in memories I want to relive. Those 2 and a half year of my life seems the only happy period I had in constant, ever since then I have had happy moments but not a happy period of life. I wish it didn't lose it colors and every feeling stayed the same. But is that past even same as I remember? would it have been different if we never moved here, if I didn't turn out like this? If my family didn't got more problems added? would things be different if my life like the memories never changed? I am mourning the life I lives and grieving the lost potential, but is there any way that went back and stayed same?

[chaosintheavenue]

Design Doc 3: Boulder

Chaos's obsession level: 3/3

I adore the Boulder Dome, so buckle up for a wild ride!

Bio med gel (the stuff inside these bad boys) was invented in the Boulder Dome.

'Those who refuse are put in cold sleep, using technology the original Dome scientists developed to aid space travel'- I've said it before but I'll say it again: Outer Worlds much?

This might be my British ass underestimating the size of the US, but it's always seemed utterly outrageous to me that it took Agnes and co a year to travel from California (let's assume Shady Sands or the Boneyard) to Boulder.

So, allegedly the Boulder scientists picked up on broadcasts from Denver, but ignored them because they were afraid of being attacked by 'diseased people'? My siblings in VB, YOU are the diseased people here.

Wagner from Denver makes a daring cameo appearance.

'Presper was able to talk everyone into a conference via video monitor' Zoom calls canon. I don't make the rules.

What does Presper consider Goddard responsible for? My best guesses would be a) The Plaguening of the scientists (which I believe was an accident and not Presper's intent) and/or b) The deaths of some of the scientists during the journey to the Dome.

There were mini quests planned that sound a whole lot like the 76 daily quest Ecological Balance.

We have our first mention of nutrient paste.

On how designers should express the overall feel and tone of their area to the audio team: 'Emote if necessary. Do interpretative dance. I don't fucking care'. This may or may not have been present in the last two documents, but it tickled me this morning.

Presper calling the Jackals 'humanitarians' is peak comedy to me.

The nutrient paste is the only food they have?!

Interesting difference between my lore and design doc lore. Officially, the interior of the Boulder Dome is very brightly lit, but in my version, all non-essential lighting is meticulously switched off to conserve power.

And now the design doc is mildly contradicting itself re: why the scientists wear environmental suits. It's definitely intended to be because they have the New Plague first and foremost, not because of the broken air filtration.

'Check for emergencies and task list'- I swear, these scientists are just playing real-life Among Us.

Who or what is Bedhead?

The original Think Tank appears. I find it equally adorable and hilarious that they want to 'taste' things like Nuka Cola and Mentats by having them dropped into their tank.

The doc is now claiming that the Prisoner was intended to be a vault dweller? Nah, no thanks.

Goddard's little Drama section is titled 'Angry Authority' lol.

The Daughter of Hecate living with the Jackals is literally called 'Crazy Bitch'.

I absolutely love how it's made abundantly clear that Goddard is irreversibly bald, just to make sure the Prisoner doesn't get any ideas of delegating the Jackals problem to him.

Goddard's terminal login is Sisyphus jhgfdfgh.

It's now been specifically pointed out twice that characters here don't smile much. Welp, can't say I blame 'em...

Saw a throwaway mention of Isaac Gant's armor and squealed. This is what I've been reduced to. God help us all when I get to doc 7...

The Robobrains subtly attempting to self-destruct despite their programming is sad.

There's bits of the Denver design document duplicated in here. Pretty sure the quest section was copied across as a template. If I had a penny for every time I've had to read about getting the brewery units working again...

I knew I didn't invent the name 'Nutripaste'!

Podunk, Colorado is back again in another copy-pasted segment.

Ending slides time. Most of these are fucking bleak. Poor Xian...

I find it intriguing that there was an ending slide for a ghoul victory.

[vipetriol]

You got mail! The letter contains a small program of a show attached to it called ‘The Sweet Plum Fairy.’

Hello,

I suppose I did start at the wrong foot. You are correct when you say that we are not obligated to be truthful in our letters but rest assured that I will be truthful in my words and for this exercise, you can take them at face value. You may decide whether to stay weary of me afterwards, and due to this being mostly anonymous until the end, I’m sure no one will bat an eye if you do (I surely won’t, haha). However, we cannot let paranoia rule our every judgment. It's said that the stranger in front of you is as much your enemy as you make them to be, after all.

That said, I’m sure you already know this as vice housewarden, so I won’t elaborate any further.

Let’s get along as long as we’re doing this exercise.

As promised, here are some things about me.

I like watching Spelldrive games. I would play the sport, but my flight’s mediocre at best.

My family back home can be a little rambunctious, but they are very much the reason why I do my best in this university.

Since it’s the season, I usually go to the community theater to watch the yearly ballet when I am at home during the holidays. You may have heard of it, but it’s called The Sweet Plum Fairy, or Sweet Plum. I heard that you enjoy dance, so I feel that it would be a good jumping off point for conversation. What sort of dance do you enjoy? I personally prefer waltz.

Hopefully this helps avail your concerns. Though we may be penstrangers that are stuck with each other, if we are going with the proper tradition, I would be your pen pal, but I also don’t think we’ve reached that threshold yet, so I decided to compromise. Perhaps this exercise could help us learn more about each other. Is there anything you wish to ask, I'll be sure to answer it to the best of my ability. In the meantime

May this letter come well and I look forward to hearing more about you.

Sincerely, Your Penquaintance

Hello again, 

To start off, I hope you have taken no offence despite my skepticism— It’s nothing personal. As a rule of thumb, I prefer to err on the side of caution. That's all there is to it. 

While I understand how it could be seen as paranoia, there are plenty of reasons to be wary. Many of the students here have a penchant for ill-conceived pranks, underhanded schemes, or being openly hostile without good motive. Even those I deal with on a day-to-day basis (especially those I deal with on a day-to-day basis) are prone to getting involved in nonsense antics. I wouldn’t have to remain vigilant if I didn’t experience these things first-hand.

Every. Single. Day.  

Incidents aren’t the exception, they’re the norm, and it’s always better to prepare and adapt, rather than have any regrets later. 

But since you’ve (apparently) chosen to be forthright with me, I should return the courtesy. Thank you for humouring me despite my rudeness.   

I don’t really consider myself to be a star player by any means, but Spelldrive is also an interest of mine. Flying is liberating in its own way, and the strategy and magical precision involved in the gameplay help hone one’s reflexes and thinking in equal measure. Maybe once the weather clears and temperatures rise, we’ll be able to get back into practice. It's a nice change of pace, alongside basketball and dancing. 

Which brings us to the latter...I don’t have a lot to say on the topic. I picked up traditional dancing with Kalim when we were younger, and I was also taught how to waltz to attend social functions as his retainer. It's an essential skill to have when working for the Asim family. To be honest, a couple of my classmates would benefit from learning some basic ballet stretches as well. If not for the sake of their joints, for the sake of their P.E grade. But well, if nothing else, dancing helps me clear my head, and brings some fond memories.

Back during high school, my friends and I used to breakdance together in the local markets. Nowadays, aside from dancing at Scarabia’s parties and entertaining guests, some of my clubmates insist on interrupting practice for the sake of learning new dance moves…It’s a complete mess, but it's not all bad, in a weird way.

...Ah, sorry for digressing, I think that's enough for today. I won’t waste any more of your time. 

Once again, thank you for your patience,

Jamil Viper