#its written for me
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I have many memories flooding in me, nostalgia has it's grip around my neck.
From that summer days lying on the floor with my cousin and falling asleep, to going to my favorite park, traffic park in Nagpur with dad and trying to reach the sky on swing to playing with a girl who became my bestie in a day or two who told me that when plane crosses from your house, don't go on roof or they will give you a rose and kidnap you and so many more insane lies, to visiting my neighbors house and watching om shanti om for first time on that bhaiya's pc to going to restaurant, Rasoighar, the name of the place, as a prize on getting good marks. I remember being enchanted by the lights there and the simple decoration that felt like wonderland to me back them. I remember feeling happy.
From sitting in train on summer vacation waiting to reach my nani's house, playing silly games with my sisters, sacrificing my eyebrows to be done with a rubber band because my sister learned that from her friend, to sharing lotte choco pie chopped into little quadrants in whole family because it was new to market and dad bought one pack with family of 9 kids and many more adults, to the time I slipped and wounded my pinky toe because me and my sister thought it would be nice idea to slip on soap floor while bathing and the cows my nani took care of, the garden was green for most times, my nana's hobby. I remember feeling home.
From watching the carpet of Parijat each morning of springs with dad while I waited to be picked up for school, to that embarrassing memory of me running in school during lunch because my parents visited school and I wanted to look cool, to all the didis and friends in my auto and that one time driver uncle treated us with popsticks, and I stained all of my shirt and skirt with it, to the colony where we waited for other students and the koyal's voices singing early morning, to the boy I danced with for school programs, to playing with all those forgotten faces and nameless humans with crayon shreds and sharpeners. But I remember I was smiling noticing things.
From chopping my hair and throwing out of balcony, front side of the apartment that too, to visiting the house beside ours that looked like a mansion to me back then, to that aunty putting mishri mala around me on Holi to stealing unripe mangoes from the trees from a neighbor's house, to going to my mausi's apartment and all those unfamiliar alleys and roads.
From the weird chaos on my birthdays to the times my dad fed me each day and how I threw a hand on dad and one on mum while sleeping to show I loved them equally while sleeping, to being recorded dancing by my dad while my mum singed the songs and I danced around and sitting on the walls watching Ganesh visharjan with nani and eating ice cream because I got my teeth removed that day from by a dentist and to the time I was left at my dad's friend house and all the fun I had with his daughters.
There are so many more I didn't wrote but those times were so nice, some were not, but most were, or they seemed. Because
From being beaten by my mother over something silly and told to sit out of house on stairs for hours until I said sorry, to my dad putting pencils in between my fingers each time I made mistake in maths, to getting scolded because I couldn't cycle properly when I was learning it to that friend's father death, I saw his dead body in coffin and people crying, I was crying in my room later, I didn't know why back then , I was a kid, death was a foreign concept, to the countless time I fell and broke my knees and lips and burnt my hand, to that night my dad was watching a robbery documentary and I had a nightmare of being kidnapped while I was sleeping in same way, to being told how house was more peaceful when I wasn't there, and that feeling of jealousy for my unborn sibling because I was scared I will lose the love I had. I remember feeling ridiculed by my mother over simple things I thought was love.
Now that I think everything seems made up, or just unreal. Do other people remember it all? was all of this only special to me? were the smiles other gave me real? because I remember it all, the happiness I felt as a kid in this little things, how life was just simply colored and some things have left such a deep memory in me, they resurface once in a while drowning me in memories I want to relive. Those 2 and a half year of my life seems the only happy period I had in constant, ever since then I have had happy moments but not a happy period of life. I wish it didn't lose it colors and every feeling stayed the same. But is that past even same as I remember? would it have been different if we never moved here, if I didn't turn out like this? If my family didn't got more problems added? would things be different if my life like the memories never changed? I am mourning the life I lives and grieving the lost potential, but is there any way that went back and stayed same?
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life of regret
#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford#gravity falls#my art#no way . i had all of these tags written out on mobile ab stanford and fiddleford post fallout and it CRASHEDDDD#THEYRE GONEEEWW (slipping thru my fingers like sand)#whag freaking ever . i was just talking about how i always forget theres a pocket of time between their split and fords disappearance#and how crazy it is that i had no idea fidds used the gun on ford until last month#it just unlocked smt in my brain thats all.👐 and then i said i was smashing my head w a rock. maybe even 20❤️#tbh i was neutral on fidds back then but i rly rly like him now T_T .. power of other fidd enjoyers lifting me up#i had a lot of fun coloring this one but i didnt know what exactly i wanted to do w it . i had fidds and the gun all finished#but i was like uhhh.. >added the wrapped light#and then i added a whole bunch of scribbled soc of the blind eye symbols but it was waay too crowded/busy#i wish i couldve found a way to keep them😧 u know when HAHAHAHAH u know those ugly like#math prints of just random equations . thats what it started looking like n i had 2 tap out#editing 2 say i posted this and i had that panic NOOO WAIT ITS JOT FINISHED but I Will be Okay.<say it w me#if i spend too much time on it ill just overwork it and then never share so -__-
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It made me so emotional the kindness the party treated Thistle with again and again throughout the story. Laios never wanted to hurt him even though he, in a way, took Laios's sister from him. Marcille wanted to talk to Thistle about magic even as he attacked them. Laios could have killed him but he chose to reason with him even as Thostle resisted. The party didn't abandon his body when he got eaten, they tucked him into bed like he was just sleeping. Yaad went back for his body so he wasn't left in the rumble. Laios, in the middle of the celebrations, went to check on him in hopes he would get his desires back the way Mithrun discovered he could. Oh the love in the world!!! The narrative that anyone can be taken advantage when alone and the only way to help is kindness and care!!!
To eat is to live but to eat together is to be loved.
#sorry its me again#overtaken by the love written into every page of this manga#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#delicious in dungeon spoilers#dungeon meshi spoilers#thistle dungeon meshi#laios dungeon meshi#marcille donato#fuck it also#yaad dungeon meshi#oh the emotion!!!#my post#thistle
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why isnt anybody properly repressed in modern fiction like repression has been a staple of human creativity since the dawn of time but tbh i think we have been seeing a steep decrease in severely repressed fictional characters since the 80s not sure what we are going to do about it are we suddenly all too good for repression or something personally i love repression
#this is why i have to read books written by deeply unwell women from the 1950s from time to time#keeps one grounded in just how much you can u sublimate your own desires until well theres nothing left to desire#its very real to me like they really get it
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i think dan should get to be a little weird too. as a treat
#my art#re animator#herbert west#daniel cain#dan cain#danbert#no but srsly guys i get that hes the normal guy but you forget ... HES ALSO WEIRD !!! HES SO STRANGE !!!#if he was normal he would have called the cops on herbert ages ago#but guess what babey he ... well technically he did call the cops but he waited like 20 years to do it so .. !!#bro was an enabler dont forget that#sorry im like rlly crazy about dan...#which is unfortuante bc i feel kind of alone in that like YES herberts a baddie YES hes litterally me#but dan....... DAAAAAAAAAAAN (eagle screeching)#what the fuck am i saying!#edit hey guys its actually lucid dog that rant you see above you was written at likes 6am after an all nighter#we all know dan is weird i mainly meant i think he should get to be PORTRAYED as weird more#really im just weird about him (<3) and i need him to reflect that
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Setting aside his food, Twilight slowly knelt on the floor, ignoring the pain of his injuries, and wrapped his arms around the large dog. Bond held still as his master buried his face in his fur, his heartbeat strong and steady in contrast with the sudden trembling that had overtaken the man’s form.
this is from chapter 4 of @cantareincminor 's amazing fic Orpheus! I feel like with autumn approaching (on my side of the world at least lol) the weather is getting perfect for reading, so you can tuck yourself in all nice and cozy and read this fic because it's nice and long >:) Thank you for the commission and happy belated birthday, Cantare!
#oh to be a man hugging a big dog#or just. to be hugging a big dog#im not really a dog person but if bond was in front of me best believe im doing exactly what twilight is HAHA#go check out the fic! its written extremely well#spy x family#my art#loid forger#sxf#bond forger
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jegulus might not be canon but have you considered that canon sucks
#nothing in this world could convince me to defend anything in those books#theyre barely even books at this point#its just poorly written shit#jegulus#starchaser#regulus black#james potter
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ITS THREE AM AND YOU KNOW WHAT THIS CANNOT KILL ME IN A WAY THAT MATTERS COMMISSION NEEDS????
S PI R A L S
#i looked up and it was suddenly 3 in the morning what happened#also when it is done I will post this thing it's not a gift so i'm happy to share#also its the reason that 4:20 is currently written on my hand i reset my stopwatch for this commission#and then realized i wanted to add more and the commissioner told me to go hog wild with the budget so
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oooooooooough i love you i love you i love you!!!! hand in loving hand !!!!!!
#mine#cats#i was like losing it over th colouring yesterday like this SUCKS and then looked at it 2day n was like. anyway#ive been unstoppable since ive figured out how 2 do glowy things#me n my partner went ice skating this evening !! so so fun#i love how girls will just peacefully hang out in the centre ice doing spins n boys will fast and furious skate around at 100mph#like we dont need to be doing all that#as soon as i see a boy w hockey skates enter the ice i am now leaving the ice#anyway....i got a slightly dubious fantasy audiobook 2day we will....see...how it is#whenever i read a fantasy book written by a man my hackles are up i am scenting the air i am growling#have i finished assassins fate u ask.....no :3#its been sitting at 30% for like 4 months i cant bring myself 2 read more KJBDSSK#there is like so much book left. so much that can go wrong#i will finish it soon i prommy i prommy...n then listen 2 th tawny man audiobooks :3#ngl this fitz n fool trilogy isnt super doing it 4 me im not finding it as Invigorating for sm reason#still good !! but def my least fave of th three trilogies#anyway. i am going 2 bed
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Idk how to label this. Wifehunter John?
The idea of possessive/obsessive John manipulating a situation and stealing a wife for himself struck me, so just coughing the idea up while I sneak away for a coffee before I actually have to start work in 20 mins 💖 entirely unedited, abrupt ending
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For someone married to his job, he has put quite a bit of thought into what he is looking for in a wife. Namely, that she's already married.
His reasoning is threefold. He can admit to himself, firstly, that it satisfies his need for control. Competency. He's a busy man with a demanding job. Not quite retired yet, no time to build his own from scratch. With this, he gets a wife boxed up and ready-trained. Broken in.
Secondly, the need for control bleeds into his saviour complex. She'll need a shoulder to cry on, someone strong and capable to get her back on her feet. She'll be feeling a little fragile. Needy. Perfect.
And thirdly, it does something wild to his jealous, possessive streak. The idea of taking something precious, of breaking her bond to another man and tying it to him? Delicious. The idea that she used to be someone else's, that he has to imprint himself onto her knowing that in doing so he is erasing the imprint of another man? It has his teeth aching, grinding even as heat rises in his belly. Stirs at him.
The idea swirls lazily in the back of his mind, never quite finding the right time or right partner. He bats at it a few times, lazy cat playing with the notion, seeing how far it can stretch before it snaps. Eyes up pretty things everywhere he goes, glancing down at their left hands just to check, but nothing quite tugs on that string. Until one day it does when he's outfitting the security system at your house.
It's side work. Cash in hand, word of mouth. Something to keep him busy when on mandated leave. Something to keep in mind as his retirement from active duty creeps closer. And your husband is a real piece of work, all blustering braggadocio energy. Young buck, not knowing his place in the herd. Not knowing that he'd be better scratching his antlers off on a tree than going head-to-head with a gristled thing like John.
It's like John's energy, his presence in the house, sends alarm bells ringing in your husband's mind (Be the man. Don't back down. Puff up your chest and strut). And it plays so perfectly into John's hands because your young buck doesn't realise that what he's really doing is fawning. To John. (Look at me, be impressed by me!) He makes his biggest mistake in putting you down in front of him, trying to sidle up to John and create some kind of desperate camaraderie. Ordering you to bring tea to the men at work. Rolling his eyes at your attempts to talk, to ask questions about the work being done. Waving you off so he can stand and watch the proceedings. Like he could supervise. Like he has any clue what he's doing.
Only the promise of the long game keeps John from levelling him with a hard look, from calling him outblike he'd love to.
He hears you both in the in the other room, having swatted the young buck off like a particularly virulent pest. Noisy and bothersome. Not needed - or wanted- in this home. And entirely too stupid to realise that John wasn't being jocular in his dismissal.
You've been scribbling away for the past few days, something occupying your time, keeping you happy and hidden away in the kitchen.
"You're not serious, are you?"
"Well, yes," he hears the slight quaver in your voice before you find your footing. You've got at least a bit of spine. Good. "You said that I should find an occupation. Not just 'laze around the house playing housewife'. This is what I-"
"Oh come on, I didn't mean- You don't think that this is viable, do you?"
"Well... I love gardening. And I'm good at it. And there's no reason that it can't be more accessible for people, especially with the current economic-"
He cuts you off with a scoff. "Dear, just- I don't want you to be disappointed. I think you don't quite understand the time and effort this will take. And you know nothing of marketing, publishing. Why don't you put that away and start on dinner?"
And oh, isn't that delicious. He can taste it now, that idea that has been swirling. It's thick, almost tangible on his tongue. The tension in the house, the bitter lacryma of stifled tears. The slight acidity of words you left unsaid. It has his mouth watering, pupils dilating.
And when he's packing up that evening, tools and materials tucked in to the heavy workman's case, he swings by the kitchen on his way out. Catches the way something is jutting out slightly from the bin, lid slightly askew. When he pulls it out he realises it's some kind of notebook, carefully (lovingly) bound. Pictures pasted, mindmaps and notes and plans scribbled in the margins. Your gardening tips. Kitchen scraps, window boxes, rooftop plots. Urban gardening. It's deeply thoughtful, well researched.
A labour of love, lying in the rubbish.
Sweet, clever little thing. That just won't do.
He leaves your house with a little piece of you tucked away in his toolkit and a nice plan forming. He'll be back, of course, not quite finished with his work. He'd planted a few little links into the system he'd almost installed, projecting not just to the monitor in your home but also in his. Got to keep his eyes on you, keep you safe and cared for in ways that your useless husband can't.
Finding that book was a boon. He'd say it was divinely ordained if he believed in all that. It weighs heavy in his toolbox as he whistles out the door.
Now, how to get you alone and return it to you..
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This idea may have been done before? I'm not sure, sorry! I've seen a lot of possessive John floating around. Tagging @stellewriites because I said I would last time, and you've been so encouraging of my nonsense.
Anyway I've got like 4 long-form WIPs that I'm working on, so I may never actually write this one but thought I'd share since that image set I just reblogged made me feral 💖
#im so tired and its cold dont judge me this friday morning#yeah like i p much only focus on fics and long form but maybe i should post more drabbly things#bc i have so many ideas and so little time#like ideally everything would be at least 10k and beautifully written#but ive only managed 2 long fics and 2 2-3k word snapshots since i joined the fandom in autumn#so yeah anyway here is my man being a possessive unhinged creep#captain john price#john price/reader#john price x reader#john price#cod imagine#cod mw2#cod x reader#cod mwii#báirseach writes
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sorry i can't actually stop thinking or posting about auggy they just have that effect (and also some twitter memes!)
#august pierce#akihiro yasumi#and some memes that mention rowan and sev but im not gonna bother tagging them LOL#infamous#infamous if#infamous art#my art#tentatively this might be the endgame canon pairing im going for (90% chance)#however aki and vic accidentally falling for each other also makes me want to start bashing my head into a wall#dont mind me. im just enjoying the ride#drawing this also made me want to do like a spread of his songwriting book i think that would be fun#a la miles' sketchbook development pages#and the lyrics ARE NOT MINE its again h/ippo campus's 'i got time' and a bit of 'cellar door' . only some sliight changes to suit aki more#based also on the fact that bad dream baby was written by jake n raffaella together in bed. such a cute little thing that i couldnt get out#of my system till i drew it with these two
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another design for the au i’m working on (cough cough thinking about)
#my art#pearlescentmoon fanart#pearlescentmoon#trafficblr#these designs—especially this one—aren’t really thaat different to my normal ones (or even just the canon skins lol)#because i’m very attached to a lot of the elements in them pfhdgdn. whoopsiesss.#I said “thinking about” but I have actually written 2k words for a fic of this au so far and have a bunch of notes and stuff. but um.#i’m not too sure if i’ll ever post any of my writing anywhere because its. it feels much more vulnerable than i’m normally comfortable with#maybe eventually. but it seems. VERY anxiety inducing to me.#sphynx LIFE au
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If there was any moment that made me cry most, it would be this one.
#the wild robot spoilers#roz the wild robot#brightbill#fuck my life this scene left me a blubbering mess#it's the little things that make this scene so moving#brightbill sitting in the exact spot he rested on roz's area as a baby#believing he'd never get the chance to tell Roz how truly sorry he was#looking at the varying emotions written all over his face#facing his inner turmoil working up the nerve to confront that baggage#acknowledging Roz as his real one and only mom#then the god damn nuzzling up around her neck?#might as well have killed me right then and there#poetic cinema at its very finest#the wild robot
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Excerpt from The Song of Roland, translated by Norma Lorre Goodrich (Medieval Myths)
#THIS HAS BEEN A PET PROJECT. I FUCKING LOVE THE SONG OF ROLLAND#song of roland#clay does art#so. okay bear with me#the song of Roland / chanson de rollanz was an epic poem written in the 11th century about the real battle of Roncevaux Pass in#the 8th century.#so 11th c ? we are smack in those middle ages#and its old copies were recorded as illuminated manuscripts#yet! it is technically an epic!! its an epic poem!!!! I don’t believe there were many written between Roland and the Aeneid (19 BCE)#in the west?#so like . WILD COMEBACK!!#this comic (?) is me playing with this idea of both muddling and clarifying the reality (8th c. real battle. he died.)#with the context of the poem (11th c. chivalric code. this was the hamilton of the time I must assume)#the translation from old french (flows better in modern English than it does in modern french apparently?)#and me. making it a scrolling comic. inspiration from real armor of the 8th century#although 11th c manuscripts armor them like they’re contemporary#I did hand lettering! as a manuscript would be!!#but my composition is wildly different than theirs#I could go on ! but I shant. ty for reading#no id#< I do not. know how . I would do this one#long post#kinda
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Wow crazy how it’s been two months since mha ended. what the hell was that btw
#BNHA#MHA#Shigaraki Tomura#Himiko Toga#Dabi#Touya Todoroki#Shuichi Iguchi#Atsuhiro Sako#Mr Compress#Spinner#Actually so ass I still can't believe it really ended that way. like how was that written by the same guy who made MVA wtf happened#genuinely what was it all for Horikoshi don't piss me off#sorry this is so messy I saw what day it was and had to draw something. remember when the manga was good. I do#ANYWAYS I want to start posting art again but it probably wont be MHA unless its old stuff that never left drafts or if someone asks for it#i'll probably be drawing a lot of epics related stuff (iliad odyssey gilgamesh etc.) and also d. 🤢dc sorry in advance#also trigun <3 <- shoutout to good media thanks Nightow#Anyways how have y'all been#Art by me
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isnt it amazing we live in a world where theres poetry. why is nobody else going insane about it
#like!!!? we learn words & then we learn to turn them into beautiful things because its the only way we have to even begin to express whats +#inside all of us.#theres been poetry for as long as theres been written word & you expect me to be normal about it????????#dante.txt#on poetry
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