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aeondeug · 4 years ago

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So while I was reading GtN and HtN I occasionally stopped to be like “Wow, it’s great how these can be just so gay!” And like. That is really great. Super great. I love that about them. But I also remember at least once stopping and going “Wow, it’s great that there’s no homophobia here!” And like at the time I just kind of nodded along to myself. Around when I just finished GtN, I remember being very fond of the bit after the book with like the guy explaining like. The deal with necro/cav relationships in The Media and throughout history and how actually none of these things have ever been romance. This is just a pure relationship, unaffected by naughty things like ROMANCE. WHY DOES EVERYTHING NEED TO BE ROMANCE?! shouts the author of this paper. And I laughed at this. Because it reminded me a lot of people who do this shit with queer love. They do it with history and just go “Why does Sappho have to be gay, why can’t she just have passionate feelings for her BFFs”. Which is mindbogglingly stupid to me and anyone who has so much as LOOKED at some of the poem fragments. But like people do say that shit. And they do this a lot over like queer anything in fiction unless it like punches you in the face with rainbows immediately. “Why do Bubblegum and Marceline have to be gay? They’re just friends!” is a take that I legitimately saw on the day of the finale. And not just once. I saw it a few times. And I’ve seen that happen over so many ships in so many things, whether or not the ships end up canon. “Why does it have to be gay?” and the specific sort of outrage over it I’ve seen in essay length posts is just common, and that sort of outrage reads very similar to the argument that dude made about necro/cav relationships. It reads like that and close enough so that I made a joke about it even. I didn’t think too, too much on this at first though because I mean. We have Abigail and Magnus. They’re right there. A man and a woman, a husband and a wife. So like I was able to simultaneously go “omg it’s just like those why can’t they just be friends WHY DOES IT NEED TO BE GAY people” and also “wow it’s nice that there are spooky negative queer experiences of SADNESS here”. Which has got me thinking. Ok. So we have that essay. Now what else do we have in the books? I suppose could point at the entirety of Gideon and Harrow’s just furious refusal to admit that they might actually be in love with one another. Even though it appears to be obvious to literally everyone else in the galaxy. And is obvious to the readers. Hell, Gideon even has a moment of feeling like she needs to tell Harrow something the day before she dies. Something which is heavily romance coded, I don’t know the word for it. But like a “Wow I feel a need to tell them something and it’ll be my last shot” before a death just kind of always reads “It was an ‘I love you’. They needed to say it and didn’t get a chance”. So we’ve got that and, specifically, we’ve got their outrage at the suggestions. Gideon stresses that she’s JUST Harrow’s cav. And she’s very fucking insistent on that. Part of the why is that she knows Harrow is in love with a fucking dead girl in a casket but like. It just hits a certain way. There’s also Harrow’s just repeated disgust she expresses towards the concept of necro/cav relationships. She needs to explain away to herself that like, well, Abigail and Magnus were ALREADY married before he was named her cavalier primary so maybe that makes it fine. And even then she’s not like super duper comfy with the idea. A taboo has been broken, Harrow feels, and she needs to get really rules lawery to find any comfort with that. Other small things that feel of note to me here are the nature of the ways we know that these two are gay outside of like. Their weird thing for one another. With Gideon we’re introduced to it basically immediately with her joke about titty mags. Harrow specifically makes a comment at some point that some of the magazines Gideon gets are very gross, yes. Her interest in women is explicitly made sexual from the get go, and the idea that The Gays are just weird sex fiends and there is no love there is a frequent one. With Harrow meanwhile we know because she says she’s in love with the girl in the Locked Tomb. Who is very much dead. A thing that is fucky enough that like there is an entire song and dance about “GIDEON THE FIRST IS MAKING OUT WITH A CORPSE??????” and how Harrow is a hypocrite for being so offended by that all. Also the girl is behind the door. She is something that isn’t supposed to be seen or known about or, heaven forbid, woken up. That is all the ultimate taboo and Harrow not only fucking broke that but she looked at the girl and went “Wow I’m in love” on the spot. So we have this collection of things that could be read as some sort of metaphor for like...The taboo nature of queer love. “Why can’t they just be friends?” and issues of purity and the lack thereof. And we have characters who are very clearly in love but who can’t just admit that because they think there’s something fucking wrong with that. Gideon’s JUST her cav and Harrow is also in love with a dead chick. We also have Magnus and Abigail around who are just like. Happily married and fine with things regarding their whole necro/cav aesthetic. Ianthe doesn’t seem to give a shit that Gideon’s into Harrow at all. There’s a fondness for necro/cav relationships enough that there’s an entire romance genre centered on them and like characters in the cast are fond of those, some of them. Things appear to be Fine, at least as far as their friends are concerned. Maybe the asshole writing the essay that kicked this pondering off would have an issue and a stuffy old grandma would pitch a fit. But like their friends don’t have a problem with necro/cav shit. But we still very much have Gideon and Harrow being “Well no. We’re just a necromancer and their cavalier. GOD.” Now part of what got me thinking about this is that I recently decided to start watching Bly Manor. Because fuck it we haven’t yet. And specifically part of why is I remember seeing an analysis of it done by Rowan Ellis which had this bit where like the argument that “Bly Manor proves you can do queer stories without homophobia being a part of it!” is brought up and like...Ellis is like “Ok but we very much do just lock a queer woman in a literal closet while she screams to be let out”. And lo and behold in the first episode we very much do just lock a queer woman in a literal closet while she screams to be let out. In an episode showing that she’s like just unable to go back home for...some reason. And that she has some sort of difficulty with her relationship with her mother. No, the show is not having the character literally go “Wow I sure am in the closet and I kind of fucking hate that woe is me I am so gay”. But figuratively? It’s all over the place in that first episode. I’m not sure about the others because I haven’t watched them, but it is there in the very first one. And that’s something horror does very well. It takes things that are scary and uncomfortable and bundles them up in shades of metaphor. It hides them from you by showing you the thing cleverly disguised. Maybe you do not notice it the first time through perhaps. Maybe you felt that a certain thing like the closet scene resonated very hard with you and you’re not sure why. But you perhaps don’t consciously go “Aha! It is the horror of being closeted!” Upon looking back on it or back through it though you might notice it. And be like “Oh that was there. Holy fuck.” Now maybe you’re also someone who isn’t like. Comfortable. With straightforward depictions of specifically queer suffering. Maybe it’s just too scary. But with this show hiding it in a metaphor you got to sit through that. You got to be brave enough to sit through a very, very scary thing. And afterwords you go to think about it. This is the power of metaphor and it’s something horror has been very, very good at doing for ages. Maybe racism or homophobia or whatever else is too nerve wracking for you to look at face on in media, but maybe you can watch a movie or a show where the horror of those things are very much there but cloaked in metaphor. And so maybe we are getting that with Gideon and Harrow’s weird issues around how “taboo” their feelings are. Two people who are just unwilling to believe that it might be that thing, in part because that thing is “taboo”. Except instead of the taboo being literally “They’re lesbians, Harold,” it’s instead cloaked in a comforting metaphor of necro/cav relationships and some dude who is really fucking offended at people’s space ao3 fanfictions about his historical favs. Which is important because every fucking scrap of anything one gets is an argument. It can’t just be that they’re in love. It’s that you must PROVE it and some asshole with a degree or just a bone to pick is going to come by and be like “WHY CAN’T THEY JUST BE A NECRO AND A CAV” about it all. And like I’m someone who’s known they’re into other women for a long while now. At least half my life. We have conquered that hurdle. But we haven’t entirely unpacked all the weird little societal bullshit that is still in there. Hiding. Lurking. And that societal bullshit specifically frames that sort of love as something gross and taboo and “Why Can’t They Just Be Friends?”. With that last thing hurting a lot. I’ve constantly run across people going “Why can’t they just be friends?” or going “They just have a sisterly relationship!” about things I shipped. Even when those things involved shit like the characters kissing on screen or mentioning that they’ve been dating in a sequel series. I can’t simply like my ships. I can’t simply see myself in romance. Because my sort of love is so taboo that it is, in itself, a debate. Maybe being shown the thing cleverly disguised as another thing might help me unpack that. At the very least it helps me look at it. When it’s something that hurts a lot to this day.

#the locked tomb #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #spoilers #this is a bit painfully long #but i have FEELINGS about uncomfortable things being hidden in metaphor #and that metaphor being the thing that helps you be brave enough to look at it

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the-gray-ghosty · 3 years ago

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Thoughts on season 4? (It’s my fav season and i love talking abt it cuz boy there is SO much to unpack here)

You are correct, there is Sooo much to unpack abt season four, so I'll go over a few of my favorite topics (These are all my opinions!) :) [sorry in advance for rambling]

So season four has so many topics, from angels to dean rising from hell to Sam's addiction to ruby, there is so much to go over! I'm going to start with the angels

my thoughts on angels are very limited, seeing as I didn't pay much attention to them. But I guess we'll start with castiel. The first we see (or hear) of castiel is when he burns Pamela's eyes out. It shows how powerful he is, and made me wonder whether he was good or not (when I first watched it). Castiel's entrance on the show is probably one of the coolest entrances (besides Death's entrance in season 5), and the shadows of his wings were super cool.

Alright now Sam himself. Sam saw his brother, his soulmate, his best friend, get mauled by hellhounds and deep down we know he blamed himself for not being able to save his brother. As we saw, before Sam met Ruby again he was drinking himself to death and was probably going to either kill himself or get himself killed. Ruby saved his life. Their relationship is so strange, because it actually isn't obvious that ruby is evil. She played the good guy, and did it damn smart. She manipulated sam, being kind to him and being a support system (not to mention giving him demon blood). Even though I hate ruby she was pretty badass. She got him to trust her, slowly, and became a support system/friend that he needed. Even though she was just playing Sam so he would raise lucifer, I feel that she did care about him a tiny bit. In Lucifer Rising, after Sam killed lilith and found out ruby was evil, she was comforting him and when Sam helped dean kill her she honestly looked surprised.

Now Sam's powers. They were always a fascination to me and I am so upset they didn't go anywhere with them. Especially with the relevation from ruby that Sam "didn't need the feather to fly", basically saying that he didn't need the demon blood to use his powers. I loved seeing a darker side of Sam, it was very interesting to watch. The scene where Sam saved Castiel and killed Alistair is probably one of my favorite scenes of Sam. The fact that castiel believed Sam when he told the angel that demons weren't killing angels was a big step in their friendship. Castiel trusted Sam, and I'm sure he knew that Sam saved his life from Alistair

One parallel that I noticed was in ep 21 or 22, when Dean told Sam "if you walk out that door, don't come back". John also told that to Sam when he left for stanford. This scene was powerful, and really showed how dean and john are similar or had parallels. John was abusive (maybe not physically but definitly emotionally) and so was Dean. (Though dean does actually get physically abusive later, like how he beats soulless Sam unconsious when Sam tells him he needs help. But that's a conversation for another time) when Dean said "if I didn't know you I would want to hunt you", he should have been trying to help Sam instead of hurting him and pushing him away. Yes, Sam did do some things wrong, I'm not saying he didn't, but Dean really didnt go about handling Sam the right way. You can tell I episode Lucifer Rising that after Sam realizes that he let lucifer out he feels really bad. And not to mention the fake voice-mail he got from dean, telling him he's a monster and a vampire, that really didn't help. I don't know if dean ever learned that the voice-mail was changed, but I feel really bad for Sam. And knowing sam, I'm sure he kept it.

Another thing I want to discuss is Sam's addiction to the demon blood and how they (the writers and dean) addressed it. First off, the way they (Dean and bobby) locked him in the panic room and left him alone, in pain halucinating and dying was so wrong. And how they focused on dean suffering, how he "couldn't listen to Sam's pain", (just another proof of the writers paying more attention to dean than Sam. -my opinion though.) They focused more on Dean instead of Sam who was literally going through withdrawal alone.

One more thing! did Sam ever learn that castiel was the one who let him out of the panic room to kill lilith? Yes I understand Cas was under orders and everything, but Cas letting Sam out was a huge reason lucifer was let out. Just thought I'd mention that

Okay I didn't go over everything and I rambled a lot :D thanks for the ask, it led me to watch a few episodes over again, I honestly forgot how good season four is :)

#spn season 4 #ask #thanks for the ask-sorry i rambled a lot!!#sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #supernatural #ruby #kinda anti dean winchester #gray answers

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4stars-uswnt · 4 years ago

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Just You, Me, and Our Dogs [Lindsey Horan x Reader]

thanks to @13uswntimagines for requesting this! it was so much fun to write :)

You plop back down on the couch, next to Lindsey, handing her a cup of coffee. Putting your feet on her lap, leaning back into the couch, you take a sip from your own drink.

Although it had been a nice and sunny day in Portland, which was very rare, you and your girlfriend had decided to have a ‘lazy day,’ spending it wrapped up in blankets, bingeing the new season of The Umbrella Academy.

As the episode comes to an end and the credits start to roll, Lindsey picks up the remote, shutting the TV off. The two of you sit in comfortable silence, as your girlfriend massages your calfs and you sip your latte. After a couple of moments, you can feel the blonde staring at you.

“What?” You let out a little laugh.

“Nothing.” Lindsey hums, still looking at you.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“No reason.”

You raise your eyebrow, sensing she isn’t telling you the truth.

“I’m just so glad you’re here.” She relents, giving you a small smile, and your face softens at her answer. You and Lindsey had recently moved in together after winning the World Cup, now living in her apartment in Portland. Despite playing for the Royals, you decided you would live with your girlfriend int he offseason. And although you and Lindsey had been dating for about two years now, the chaos of the NWSL prevented you from living together until now.

Before you could respond, your service dog, Tucker, jumped up on to the couch and right into your lap. You grunt, as the golden retriever steps on your steps on your stomach, knocking the wind right out of you. Both you and Lindsey laugh at the dog’s actions, as the two of you give him a pet and a little belly rub.

“I’m glad I’m here, too.” You look back up at your girlfriend. “I know Tucker’s happy to be here, too, especially with Fergy to keep him company.” You give your dog a good scratch on the head.

—————

Tucker had been your support dog since you were nineteen. After suffering from anxiety and depression all throughout high school, you and your parents decided it would be a good idea to get you an emotional support dog. Tucker had helped ease your anxiety and provided you with companionship when you felt lonely, ultimately decreasing the number of panic attacks and down days you had.

When you had met Lindsey for the first time, Tucker immediately took a liking to the woman, wagging his tail and jumping up onto her. This had been an important factor for you when you and Lindsey had started dating, as you couldn’t see yourself being with someone who Tucker didn’t like or who couldn’t accept you and your need for a support dog. Luckily for you, not only did your golden retriever take a liking to Lindsey, but she also absolutely adored him.

—————

A couple of minutes had passed of you, Lindsey, and Tucker all just laying on the couch, when you heard a noise coming from below you. Looking down, you and Lindsey notice her beige French bulldog trying to jump up on the couch, wanting to join his family.

“Awww, Fergy! You wanna join us?” Lindsey leans down to pick up her dog, placing him on her lap on top of your legs. After giving Ferguson a couple of scratches behind his ears, Lindsey takes in the scene in front of her, her eyes widening, as a lightbulb goes off in her head.

“Hey.” She says, grabbing your attention. “Let’s go take these guys for a walk. They’re probably dying to get out of the apartment.”

You nodded, agreeing with her, as the two dogs had been cooped up inside all day while you and your girlfriend watched TV. Getting up from the couch, you head over to the door, where you keep both your shoes and the leashes.

“Where do you want to go? The park or around the stadium?” You ask, as you slip on your shoes.

“Let’s go to the park.” Lindsey replies, grabbing the leashes off the hook.

—————

The two of you make your way though Portland towards your favorite dog park, where both Tucker and Ferguson can run off leash. You and your girlfriend walk in silence with your hands intertwined, Lindsey occasionally running her thumb across the back of your hand.

When you arrive at the park, you go to unclip Tucker so he can roam free, but Lindsey stops you.

“Wait.” She grabs your hand.

“What?” You turn to her, confused.

“I have something to show you.” She takes Tucker’s leash from you. “So turn around and close your eyes.” You nod along, following her directions.

Although not facing her, you can hear Lindsey whispering to the two dogs and the notorious crinkle of the treat bag. You bite your cheek, attempting to hide your audible giggle.

“Hey! No peeking!” Your girlfriend warns.

“I’m not! Don’t worry.” Your knees bounce in anticipation, as you wait for Lindsey’s permission to turn around.

With one final whisper to the dogs, your girlfriend finally gives you the go ahead.

“Okay. I’m ready. Turn around and open your eyes.”

You turn around, and as you open your eyes, you gasp at the sight in front of you. Lindsey was down on one knee with Tucker to her right and Ferguson to her left. You noticed the frenchie wearing a bib that said ‘will you marry my mom?’, and your own dog had a beautiful diamond ring balanced on his nose. You let out a watery laugh, smiling at both your girlfriend’s and the dogs’ adorableness.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N),” Lindsey starts, as you lock eyes with her. “I’m gonna keep this short and sweet because I don’t know how long Tucker can balance that ring.” At that, you both chuckle before she continues. “You have made my life a thousand times better and have made me a better person. You are not only my best friend who I can laugh and dance around with, but you are also the love of my life, the one who I can tell all my secrets to and who I can kiss and snuggle with all day long. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, telling you how much I love you each and every day. So, (Y/N/N), will you marry me?”

You barely even let Lindsey finish before you are nodding and exclaiming, “Yes! Of course I’ll marry you.”

With that, Lindsey grabs the ring off of Tucker’s nose and pulls you into a hard passionate kiss. Your lips dance together, as you both put all your love into each other, marking the start of the rest of your lives.

As air becomes necessary, the two of you separate, and Lindsey steadies your shaky hand, as she slips the ring onto your finger. After pecking your fiancée’s lips once more, you kneel down to Tucker and Ferguson, giving them some love.

“You two knew about this? Hmm?” You give them both a good scratch, as they are excitedly running around you and Lindsey, wagging their tails with their tongues hanging out.

“It took me forever to teach Tuck how to balance that ring.” Lindsey admits with a fond smile.

You turn back to your fiancée, as the two dogs finally take off running freely around the park. Pulling Lindsey closer to you, your hand cups her cheek.

“I love you so much.” You whisper, your foreheads coming together.

“I love you, too.” She mumbles against your lips, as she brings you in for another kiss. You bury your face in the crook of her neck, enjoying this moment with your fiancée. Picking your head up, you look at Lindsey and smirk.

“I hope you know that after that proposal, we absolutely have to include Tuck and Fergy in our wedding.”

Lindsey chuckles, placing a kiss on your forehead.

“Whatever you want, (Y/N/N).”

—————

Liked by malpugh, lavellerose, christenpress and 78,302 others

yourusername: I get to spend the rest of my life with sirfergyhoran... you’re cool too lindseyhoran10

tagged: lindseyhoran10, sirfergyhoran, tuckertheretriever

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uswnt: Congratulations (Y/N) and Lindsey! (Tucker and Ferguson too!)

lindseyhoran10: you and me (and our dogs) forever 🐶🐶🤍♾️

↳ emilysonnett: **furever

malpugh: love you two (and I mean tuck and fergy)

alexmorgan13: Congrats bub

↳ kelleyohara: Al, our kid is all grown up 🥺

christenpress: All love ❤️

alikrieger: This is everything. Congratulations you guys!

emilysonnett: Are dogs invited to the wedding? Asking for a friend...

↳ lavellerose: ^^ Wilma would love an invite

↳ ashlynharris24: So would Logan and Storm

↳ alexmorgan13: Kona and Blue too!

↳ christenpress: and Morena :)

—————

Liked by emilysonnett, tobinheath, lavellerose and 64,349 others

lindseyhoran10: We’re getting married (!!!!)

P.S. thanks for the help sirfergyhoran and tuckertheretriever

tagged: yourusername, sirfergyhoran, tuckertheretriever

- - - - -

uswnt: This is goals (pun intended)

yourusername: you’re my favorite person ❤️🤍

tobinheath: All grown up. 🥺 This is so special. Congrats lil sis and (Y/N/N) ❤️

emilysonnett: WOOHOO!! Mrs. Lanessi has a nice ring to it

malpugh: meep meep meep 💍

alikrieger: YAY congrats you two

kelleyohara: This is everything 🔥

lavellerose: Where are your pictures of the dogs? I guess the leather jacket and shiny ring make up for it.

ashlynharris24: She put a ring on it! 💍💍🔥🔥

julieertz: 🥳

sammymewyy: My favs are finally gonna get married 😍

#uswnt x reader #uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #lindsey horan x reader #lindsey horan imagine #lindsey horan imagines #uswnt #lindsey horan

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cat-tastr0phe · 4 years ago

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hello new ppl, today sucks so imma talk about the two shows i binged last night to try and not break down for a 4th time today.

talking about Jujutsu Kaisen and Onyx Equinox, will probably have spoilers so don’t read if you don’t want them!

Jujutsu Kaisen:

so for starters, i usually love mappa animes so i had high hopes for this one, especially with how much others seem to like it but i gotta be real guys, it wasn’t a fav

i plan to keep watching it bc i DO like the characters and animation but the story isn’t rly hitting it for me. perhaps i’ve grown out of the need for torture porn anime but god i could do without all the death/violence/needless depressing shit

also the pacing in this anime is whiplash inducing. its not that its hard to follow, bc most of the story is linear thus far, but it just. feels so off??? like one second he’s being told ‘we’re gonna execute u’ and the next he’s having idle conversation while picking up his grandpa’s ashes like WHAT LMAO

fushigoro’s hair will forever irritate me, also

gorou is a zaddy tho, hello sir, pls remove ur blindfold more mmm yes

ok but the story- so i get that this whole show/story is centered on the idea of negativity and curses and basically exorcising demons, so ofc its gonna go into the ‘life or death, humanity judgement day’ point of conversation but when i tell u i’m so tired of this philosophical bs being put on a pedestal in anime BOI

when junpei shows up and u show me copious amounts of scenes of him being abused and tortured relentlessly, OVER MULTIPLE EPISODES, alongside all this death bullshit throughout the show, ONLY TO KILL THE POOR KID AFTER THEY KILL HIS MOM- i’m out man, i cANNOT

i didn’t even have time to develop some form of attachment to the character, i just felt bad for him. why are you going to introduce this tortured person who is lost just to kill him? its so blegh story-telling it kills me

and for what, to just??? motivate the protag?? make him question his already questionable humanity??????? what is the point, pls explain

in general by the time i caught up to the most recent eps i was already fairly drained mentally. i don’t think its a good thing for a show to drain u LOL

i THINK i’ll keep up with it for a bit just to see if it goes in any sort of a better direction, but idk

love the opening tho. would also love some explanation on the panda

Onyx Equinox:

so also another violent anime but this one at least feels idk purposeful???? bc its portraying creatures that are blood thirsty and idk it just made more sense in my brain

i didn’t think i’d be a fan of the animation, but its actually p good! the style is comfortable, and the gore is like- while still gross/icky, its cartoonish enough that i don’t feel icked out

the voice acting is okay, tho Izel’s has got me uh,,, oof. not a fav, is all.

also i curse like a sailor but the cursing in this show forever felt random and out of place, like i could do without like 80% of it

ALSO i kno the point is that Izel is like, the worst humanity’s got but CAN SOMEONE CUT THE KID SOME SLACK. half this show was nonstop bullying this 13 yr old, liKE CAN WE PLS,, HE LOST HIS SISTER, TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF, NOW IS A PUPPET FOR THE GODS PLS SOMEONE JUST HUG HIM OR SMTH

which i kno, Yun does eventually, don’t think i didn’t see the hints show, i think i’m picking up what ur putting down

gotta say for a split second i was like ‘well idk if anything like that will be in this show tho, doesn’t totally fit and its a first of its kind kinda show-’ and then there was the orgy scene and im like ‘o nvm’

K’in annoys me a bit, sorry not sorry, he’s like too much of a shit-head bro for me

regardless of all the suffering and struggle porn that this show does have (sorry guys, there’s a lot of struggle porn and u have to admit it) i did genuinely find myself rooting for these kids and that’s a good sign to me

if u can make me care and make me wanna see them prevail, good job. s’not like its that hard to do but i don’t usually watch animes with this much violence that don’t completely make me not care whats happening

i REALLY hope this gets a s2 bc i wanna see where its going!!!! also mad i never realized that fucking heron is probably nelli, how dumb am i

i’d love to hear what others think about these shows, cus currently no one in my friend group has watched both or is far along in them to be able to chat so!!!!

#onyx equinox #onyx quinox spoilers #jjk spoilers #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #drabbles #anime thoughts #overall i'd give jjk a 7/10 thus far and onyx like an 8/10 #i wanna see more convo about onyx no one sleep on this show plsssss

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panharmonium · 5 years ago

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Hey! Loving the Merlin takes on ur blog, and I wanted to ask—what are your opinions on Morgana? Haven’t seen a lot of talk abt her. I loved her, esp in season 1, which is also my fav season cuz after that I feel like things started to make less and less sense, lmao. I understand her descent into villainy (mostly, but why does she start to hate Gwen so quickly? feel like that could’ve been handled better) but I would’ve loved to see some solidarity between her and merlin!!!!!

hi there! :D

so, i LOVE morgana. most of what i’ve said about her has been in the tags of gifsets that are now scattered haphazardly around my blog; i don’t think there are larger pieces yet besides my finale round-up (urgh lol), and most of that is just a function of time - i can’t possibly write expansive tracts of meta about every single merlin thing i love, because i love the whole show; i’d never leave my computer again. i generally sit down to write long essays about whatever grabs my mind at a particular moment, even though there are a bazillion other things out there i love just as much. XD

but with morgana, i also feel like part of the reason i haven’t written much about her is because up until three and a half weeks ago (....oh my god, was it THREE AND A HALF WEEKs??? IT FEELS LIKE A YEAR) i hadn’t even finished the series yet, and the whole time i was watching this show i was sort of...waiting to see whether they would finally tie her arc together. i didn’t feel like i could say too much about what was happening with her, because my evaluation of her arc was going to depend on where the writers finally chose to take it and whether they brought it to the place i thought it needed to go.

and...they didn’t, obviously, which is what i sort of suspected would happen, though i was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt all the way up until the end, because i don’t believe they ever wrote themselves into a corner with her. there were things they could have handled with more depth, definitely, but i do not believe that they ever dug themselves into a hole they couldn’t climb out of.

i. what happened to you, morgana

essentially my opinion (just mine; nobody else is obligated to share it) of morgana is this: that the series ended before her arc was over.

to me, season 5 was the nadir in our characters’ journeys. they had reached their lowest point, their...“darkest hour,” to quote the show itself. and in many familiar storytelling formats (the ones that have the most in common with bbc merlin, at least), we take our characters to a moment where they hit rock bottom, where everything is going wrong and things seem hopeless, and then we light a spark under their butts that starts the process where they fight their way out of it. the nadir isn’t the endpoint of the curve; it’s the point where characters start climbing their long, slow way out of the pit. it’s what they have to overcome in order to earn their eventual triumphant ending.

to me, season 5 was that nadir, for morgana and everyone else. i never would have imagined season 5 to be the final season of the show, if i hadn’t known it was beforehand. i would have read season 5 as the show’s ‘empire strikes back’ moment. the episode that ends with our team losing, but with a whole other episode remaining where they can fight to Make It Right.

i view merlin bbc as tantamount to a cancelled tv show, to be honest. i know that’s not necessarily what happened (though it does feel pretty weird that they officially announced S5 would be the final season only four weeks before the finale was about to air?? very bizarre), but regardless of the actual behind-the-scenes-whatever, the fact of the matter is that for me, the series doesn’t end. it stops. and those two things are not the same.

this is particularly relevant to morgana because, as you said, there are aspects of her character arc that weren’t handled as deftly as they could have been, but if the show had brought morgana’s arc to the place where it felt like they were going in 5.09, they could have rescued so much of what came before.

to get into more detail -

i think the biggest issue with morgana’s arc for me isn’t so much what she does, it’s what we’re not shown as she does it.

i fully believe that morgana would eventually start working to ensure uther’s downfall. (obviously. she’s been presented as the voice of moral authority on this show since episode one, and there’s no reason to believe that she wouldn’t ultimately start rebelling against the king’s oppressive policies.) i believe that she would reject arthur, eventually. and i believe that she would reject gwen, too. but i don’t believe the show illustrates enough how painful this would be for her, or how conflicted it would make her feel.

and again, as i said, there are my own personal opinions, couched in...some personal experience with certain kinds of family conflict - but i do understand where morgana’s bitterness toward arthur and gwen comes from. arthur, for all that he’s “a better man than [his] father,” never fully breaks with uther the way morgana does. he has his own little rebellions, yes, but ultimately he always falls in line. he tolerates his father’s actions even if he doesn’t necessarily agree with them, and he continues to support uther even after uther is revealed to have lied about being morgana’s illegitimate father. and because of this tacit acceptance of uther’s poor behavior, arthur reaps benefits and privileges galore. morgana is cast out with nothing, whereas arthur, who didn’t even take a stand for justice, wants for nothing. arthur is sitting pretty on the throne of camelot because he continued to bestow his honor and respect upon a man who deserved neither of those things, because he chose the villain of the series over his sister, even knowing what uther did to her. and that’s gutting, for her. he betrayed her.

(and there are things to be said on arthur’s end of this, too, of course - morgana doesn’t ever confide in him; she doesn’t come to him for help or give him a chance to even be informed about what happened to her before she jumps into invading camelot and dethroning uther - so for arthur, her sudden turnaround comes as a total shock, and HE feels betrayed, like he has no choice but to fight her - i mean, it’s just a big mess.)

but i understand why she hates him. he continues to stand with a man who did demonstrable evil, despite the harm that was specifically done to morgana herself. and by shutting up and letting atrocities be committed in front of him, arthur escapes the harm that morgana suffers for speaking up. i understand why morgana is so bitter about it.

and gwen is a very similar situation - from morgana’s point of view, gwen is playing the arthur to arthur’s uther. gwen sides with arthur over morgana, despite knowing full well that arthur’s policies harm people with magic. gwen abandons morgana for her love interest, and for morgana that’s just like - “why would you do that? i was your friend before he ever cared about you, i loved you before he ever did - don’t you see the evil he’s perpetuating? don’t you care what he does to people like me?”

that’s why morgana tells merlin, “don’t think i don’t understand loyalty just because i’ve got no one left to be loyal to.” she feels like everybody who supposedly cared for her ultimately dumped her because her situation interfered with their comfortable, morally uncomplicated lives. they weren’t willing to acknowledge what was done to her, and they stuck by the man responsible for it, and it seems incomprehensible to her, that they would make that choice, when his misdeeds are known and out in the open. i can’t blame her for wanting to raze the city to the ground.

HOWEVER.

while i believe that all these things are completely plausible, i don’t believe that the series shows us appropriately how these things would be tearing morgana apart inside, underneath the rage and the armored front of ‘you brought this on yourself, so burn in hell, i don’t care.’

there are moments where the show gets it right. when morgana wakes up after uther dies and says that she felt his pain - it’s not presented as gloating; she’s - almost confused. uncertain. like she doesn’t know what she feels. when she confronts arthur at the end of season 4 (i thought we were friends/as did i) there’s real pain under the surface there. when they confront each other at the beginning of season 5, too (what happened to you, morgana/i grew up) - you can feel the undercurrent of something deeper there, too. and that moment with mordred in 5.09, when he appeals to her humanity (i hope one day you will find the love and compassion which used to fill your heart) - that is an amazing scene. the show absolutely nails that moment. morgana hesitates. you can see the grief and the - the conflict written all over her face. it’s perfect. it’s exactly the turn i would have expected morgana’s arc to be taking, at that time in the series.

but then the show just stopped. and without taking morgana’s arc further - without following it through all the way to its conclusion - there’s never any resolution to all the ways the show dropped the ball earlier. all the moments where morgana appears to be just...evil-smirking her way through her revenge, the way she suddenly seems to have no feelings for gwen whatsoever, the utterly lost opportunity that was the “enchanted gwen” arc (which could have been such a powerful exploration of their broken relationship) - all those could have eventually made sense and fit into a narrative where morgana’s conflicted feelings finally begin to escape the stranglehold in which she has them choked, where we start to see the pain of these destroyed relationships rising to the surface.

i can understand how morgana would just - shut off her feelings about these people. she had to close her heart to them - the alternative would have been too painful. but underneath - we know it wouldn’t be that easy. we know it eats at her. and it’s just - so incredibly frustrating that the series was starting to go there - the moment with mordred in 5.09 feels like the beginning of morgana’s big crisis of faith - and then the show just Stops.

so the thing about morgana for me is that, like you said, the show does drop the ball on illustrating her quick descent into evil-villain territory, and they especially drop the ball on her break with gwen, but all of it could have been salvaged, if they had committed to following her arc all the way through to its conclusion. instead they chose to kill her (and everybody else, lol) just as her deep-rooted internal conflicts were finally starting to rise to the surface.

ii. we can find another way/there is no other way (aka the merlin problem)

i’ll say right up front that anything i say here is, as always, just my personal interpretation of things. this is not necessarily the One True Way this show is meant to be understood; it’s just my own preferred read.

i have definitely seen some things in my brief foray into internet fandom that are sort of...piling on merlin for abandoning morgana or “gaslighting” her, most of which seem to be centered around the beginning of episode 2.03, which is weird to me, because the whole point of that episode is that merlin does help morgana, in the end - he’s the one who doesn’t gaslight her. he defies gaius and takes her to the druids, specifically so they can tell her yes, she does have magic. he tries to distract the attacking knights in order to enable morgana to escape with the druids permanently, like she wants. and when the attempt fails, and they’re brought back to camelot, he comes to morgana’s chambers specifically to check on her and to assure her that he won’t reveal her secret to anyone, and she’s grateful for this - she thanks him, she’s appreciative of everything he did for her, she feels comforted to know the truth and to know that someone else knows it, too. this episode ends with their relationship at a high point - it’s overwhelmingly positive, and it doesn’t take a nosedive until 1.12, when morgana gets in way over her head and merlin thinks she’s trying to murder them all. (and even in that episode, it’s worth it to note, merlin is still covering for her magic in front of arthur, giving her chances.)

(and obviously also, of course, the end of that particular situation gets Real Bad Real Fast, which could be a whole post in and of itself, so let’s stay focused on the earlier eps, for now.)

the criticism of merlin in those earlier episodes seems to stem solely from the fact that he doesn’t out himself to morgana, which i can understand - i mean, i like the idea of a ‘merlin+morgana secret magic squad’ AU as much as anyone - but i’ll be honest and say that nowadays, i’m not quite as willing to condemn him for it as i might have been on my first viewing.

i’m not willing to condemn him for it at all, actually.

(and again - as i said, these are my own opinions! everybody else is welcome to have different opinions! we all engage with media differently, and there isn’t a right or wrong way to approach this situation, just whichever way feels best to you.)

so, for me, i’m not interested anymore in telling merlin that he should have revealed himself to anyone, at that point in the story. it would be different if he had been like - continuing to tell morgana ‘oh, no, you don’t have magic, don’t be crazy,’ or if he had been pretending to hate magic like everyone else so he could blend in, but he doesn’t do that, at the end of the episode. he sends her to the druids. he chases after her when he realizes she's in danger. he openly acknowledges her magic, he supports her in having it, he makes sure she knows she has nothing to fear from him. by the end of 2.03, he’s gone to great lengths to help her; he’s already made certain that she knows he’s on her side and that she can trust him. she clearly knows that he accepts her and that he supports her - those are his responsibilities to her as a fellow human and as a friend, and those are exactly the responsibilities he makes sure to fulfill. she knows her secret is safe with him.

now - whether or not merlin feels safe enough to out himself, after making sure morgana knows he accepts and supports her, is his own business.

i think there are a number of reasons why it wouldn’t be fair for me to criticize merlin for continuing to conceal his secret, the first of which is something i already mentioned in another piece - that a marginalized person’s first responsibility is to their own safety, when forced into hiding under oppressive social conditions. merlin isn’t obligated to reveal himself for anybody. he’s not obligated to put himself in danger out of some kind of...responsibility to the community. (not at this point, anyway. it gets more complicated later, as merlin becomes more powerful, which i also address in that other piece, but that’s all in the future for him and not relevant at this moment.)

i think it would be easy for me to forget that merlin isn’t safe, in the early seasons. we’re so used to thinking of merlin as ‘the greatest sorcerer to ever walk the earth,’ because that’s what we keep being told he’s going to become, but again, that’s all so far in the future for him. merlin in the early seasons can do some things with his abilities, but not consistently, and not to the level where we can reasonably expect him to resist the entirety of camelot’s army, if they were to come for him. merlin is in real danger, and he’s not evil for being unwilling to share a secret about himself that would ensure his death, if it somehow got back to the wrong people.

second - i don’t think it would be fair for me to discount merlin’s personal history, either. merlin’s life didn’t start in camelot, and he hasn’t even been in camelot for all that long, comparatively, by the time we get to S2. season one takes place over a few months, starting in either spring or summer and ending in the fall (after the referenced harvest in 1.10/1.11, but before winter sets in). the weather is nice by time season 2 starts, so we can probably assume that S2 takes place once winter has passed (although, it’s technically possible that S2 takes place over the same autumn as S1, I guess...but it’s not made clear to us, timeline-wise.) either way, we just really have to remember that merlin’s stay in camelot by the time we reach 2.03 is still this blip compared to the rest of his life.

it would be very easy for me to say that merlin should have told morgana, that there’s no way she would ever have given him up - and i probably would have said that very thing, after the first time i watched the show - but like - nowadays, i really think i have to step back from that certainty and be a little more gentle. we say we “know” that morgana wouldn’t have willingly betrayed merlin’s secret at that point, and sure, i agree, that’s probably true - but does merlin know that?

of course not!

i think he hopes that. i think he would dearly like to believe that. i also think merlin grew up in a situation where he couldn’t fully trust even the people he’d known all his life, with two (vital!!!) exceptions, and he has been in camelot with a bunch of brand-new people for less than a year, and he can’t be certain of them, however much he wants to be. (and that’s not even considering the possibility of accidental betrayals, or coerced ones - remember, the witchfinder shows up in S2 also, as just one example.)

remember that exchange merlin has with freya, later this season?

“you can’t always trust people.”

“i know. that’s why i left home.”

merlin is not used to showing himself to people. he has been taught all his life to NEVER, EVER show himself to anybody. everyone in camelot who finds out about his magic finds out either by accident (like gaius or lancelot), or necessity (like freya and gilli - though gilli is interesting, because i think merlin’s decisions there are motivated precisely by the choices he didn’t make with morgana - which i’ll go into more later).

in twenty-odd years, merlin has only ever told one person about his magic. and even that generous assumption requires a little bit of inferencing for us to determine, though i think it’s likely enough, if not confirmable.

(i am, in case it’s unclear, referencing 1.10, when merlin is explaining to will why hunith sent him away to camelot: “when she found out you knew - she was so angry.” that, to me, has always been a signifier that merlin told will about his magic, as opposed to will finding out by coincidence. i know there are a lot of headcanons floating around out there about various...accidental situations that may have occurred which forced merlin to reveal his magic in front of will, and those are all obviously totally fun to play with, but after hearing this particular line - i never understood that to be the case, to be honest. we’ve seen hunith enough to have a pretty solid understanding of her character. she and merlin are always easy and gentle together, she’s so kind and calm and thoughtful - i can’t imagine that she wouldn’t have understood, if there had been some kind of accident that forced merlin’s hand. she’d be just as afraid for his future safety, of course, and she would have wished he’d told her right away, but she wouldn’t have been “so angry.”

...she might, however, have been “so angry” if she’d found out that merlin had specifically undermined every sacrifice she’d ever made to keep him safe/ignored every single one of her warnings/rejected every cautious thing she’d been telling him for his entire life and TOLD somebody about his magic when it wasn’t remotely necessary. that’s the only scenario i can imagine that would prompt merlin to say “she was SO angry” in that half-awed, half-intimidated tone, with that little headshake, like it was such a singular event, like it’s still formidable for him to remember.)

so anyway, that said - it’s too easy for me to say ‘he should have told morgana/gwaine/gwen etc; they would never have turned on him,’ as if it would have been such a simple thing for him to do, as if there were no dangers associated with their knowledge even if they would never have willingly given him up, as if he was refusing to do it because he didn’t want to, or because his fears were overblown, or because he was foolish for thinking they would ever hate him for his gifts. i think that really minimizes the reality of his struggle, and the danger of his situation. without the pressure of some crisis to force his hand, merlin has only ever willingly revealed himself to one person. that person is dead. that person died specifically ensuring that merlin could stay safe and hidden from the rest of the world, morgana included - merlin’s continued secrecy is a gift that was bought at an impossibly high price, and it’s not simple for him to contemplate squandering it, especially with no guarantee that things will turn out okay.

because there IS no guarantee that things will turn out okay! a lot of the “merlin should have told morgana” online talk centers around the idea that knowing about merlin’s magic would have kept morgana from feeling alone/betrayed, thus preventing her from turning to the “evil” methods she uses later, but again, i don’t think we actually know that at all. solidarity between merlin and morgana would have been a nice thing, definitely; i’d like to see that too, but i don’t think the fact that she and merlin are both magic-users would have guaranteed harmony between them. merlin and gilli are both magic-users, too, and merlin expects this to be enough to convince gilli to “see the light,” but the fact of the matter is that merlin and gilli just have very different ideas about what it means to do the right thing. merlin thinks it means biding his time and waiting for change to come from the top (because he’s been TOLD by greater powers that this is the right course of action, of course; let’s note again that merlin’s situation is extremely complicated) whereas gilli thinks that doing things merlin’s way makes merlin complicit with an unjust regime. gilli says ‘i shouldn’t haven’t to wait for someone else to give me my rights. i’m going to take them myself.’

the fact that merlin and gilli share a bond as magic-users doesn’t protect them from an ideological divide that puts them on different sides of the same struggle. i’m not sure that merlin and morgana wouldn’t have still ended up in the same situation, eventually, if merlin had chosen to out himself to her - but doing so would certainly have made him a thousand times more vulnerable to attack.

third - it’s also important to remember that if we’re going to hold merlin to this rigid ‘he should have told morgana everything/confided in her/trusted her at the expense of possibly his own life despite the fact that she exists at the completely opposite end of a rigid social hierarchy as him and he’s known her for less than a year’ then maybe we ought to raise the bar for morgana, as well. morgana is very clearly shown to trust and appreciate merlin at the end of 2.03, but by 2.11, when alvarr and mordred show up and convince her to steal the crystal of neahtid, she doesn’t hesitate or come to merlin at all, despite the fact that we never see him do anything to lose her trust between then and now. she never asks him for help, even when she’s uncertain about alvarr’s methods, and that leaves merlin in the dark, only privy to confusing images of her sneaking around and acting suspicious. and even with that, merlin doesn’t condemn her for what she does, the same way he doesn’t blame her when she tries to kill uther in 1.12 - he helps arthur retrieve the crystal, but he doesn’t give morgana up. and he doesn’t hold any kind of grudge, either - in the next episode, merlin doesn’t even suspect her, at first - he thinks it must be her magic protecting her; he doesn’t even consider the idea that she has anything to do with the illness, not until kilgharrah tells him.

and even after that, he STILL covers for her in front of arthur, and he gives her a chance to come clean to him - but she doesn’t take it.

i’m not condemning her for that - i get why she would be afraid to admit to such a big mess - she was in way over her head and didn’t know what to do. but if we’re going to cut morgana this much slack and accept her fears as a valid enough reason to block a potential moment of connection, then we have to accept that merlin’s fears were valid, too - morgana’s descent into “villainy” was not something we can pin solely on merlin’s already overburdened shoulders. the end of season 2 was not some kind of one-way failure.

in summary: merlin and morgana were trapped in an impossible situation. they were both victims of the same oppressive regime, and both of them had very real, very dangerous obstacles to letting themselves trust in and reach out to others, and i think pitting them against each other while forgetting who the real villain was is unfair to them both.

also, a brief postscript: circling back to the first section of this piece, where i talked about how season 5 just stopped before anyone’s arc was finished - merlin and morgana could have had so much more, if we’d gotten another season. their relationship is really in the pits, by season 5, but there is this deleted scene where arthur is reflecting on what happened to morgana and blaming himself, and merlin says arthur shouldn’t take the blame, that “there were others better placed to help morgana” (implicating, of course, himself) and that was SUCH a jumping off point for their story to have continued. merlin wanted to do better by her. he blamed himself for what happened to her. and morgana, for her part, was starting to question herself, as we saw during her confrontation with mordred in 5.09.

there were places for this relationship to go. it wasn’t a lost cause. but the writers decided that it made more sense to just...eliminate everybody at the exact moment when things were poised to possibly change.

the story wasn’t over at the end of season 5. but the show was, and i am always going to regret those many lost opportunities.

#the once and future slowburn #meta #replies #long post

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dolce-peach · 4 years ago

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I’m so glad! Could a get a fic (or headcanons, whatever you want) about an ex-hydra agent who was brainwashed and Natasha is in charge of kinda babysitting her, and then slowly they fall in love 🥺. Thanks! (Fem!reader, please😊)

always

pairing: natasha romanoff x reader

warnings: fluff, mentions of mind control

a/n: i had a lot of fun writing this! nat’s one of my fav characters ever -- thank you so much for the request, anon 💗

permanent taglist: @kaitlynmalikisnotonfire @just-another-loki-fanblog

** TO MAKE A REQUEST -- please check the status in my bio **

masterlist

----

You sat up in your small twin bed, your gun in your hand. Your heart raced against your ribcage, and adrenaline made your body tremble. When you saw you were safe, you sighed, falling back into the mattress.

You decided to get up, seeing no point in falling back into that nightmare. You quietly changed before slipping out of your tiny apartment, placing the key haphazardly in your pocket.

You never expected to wind up all the way in Japan. It wasn’t an easy place to live, but it was easy to hide in the crowds of people. Of course, you struggled with the language at first, but it never ended up being too difficult, given your background. You had put everything you were behind you, hoping to at least get by without being noticed.

Thankfully there was a market downstairs, so you didn’t have to wander too far.

“Morning, Y/N!”

You turned to see a vendor’s daughter, your friend Yukio.

“Up early again?”

You smiled, nodding.

“Had trouble sleeping?”

You responded again with a nod.

“Social, as usual,” she laughed. “Oh, I was told by Father to come and get you. There’s someone here to see you.”

You furrowed your brow. “Who?”

She shook her head. “They wouldn’t say.” She gestured behind her to a door. “They’re in the back.”

You eyed the door warily, coming around the counter.

You stood in front of it for a few seconds, thinking about the possible escape routes you’d have if things went south. Judging by the small size of the booth, the room was small, probably a storage unit for fruit and vegetables. You’d have one way in and maybe one out the back, but there were no guarantees.

With clammy hands, you tucked your gun deeper into your belt before opening the door.

There sat a single table, and a face you thought you’d never see.

“Y/N,” she said. “Have a seat.”

You closed the door behind you. “Come to kill me?”

“No,” she said.

“You’re Natasha Romanoff,” you pointed out. “You always end up killing someone.”

“That someone isn’t you today,” she said with a short smile. “I simply want to help you.”

You sat down, your hands folded on the table. “I don’t think there’s much you can do for me. I’m already too far gone.”

“You don’t get to make that conclusion,” she said.

You narrowed your eyes. “How’d you know I was here?”

“Wasn’t too hard,” she said with a small sigh. She leaned back in her chair. “The Avengers never lost track of you. We had to make sure Hydra never found you again.”

“Why?” you laughed bitterly. “Because you care?”

“No one deserves to go through that kind of suffering,” she said.

You tensed. “You don’t know what I’ve seen, what they forced me to do,” you whispered.

“I’m sorry,” she said, reaching across the table to place her hands on yours. “We can help you, but we can’t do that while you’re here.”

You averted your gaze down. You were tired of constantly running and looking over your shoulder.

You were no hero, but maybe your life could change.

3 months later

The Avengers Tower wasn’t the most home-y, but you learned to appreciate it. After all, your new room was definitely better than your small apartment back in Japan.

The Avengers were welcoming, but you could tell they were still wary of you. It made sense: you were an ex-Hydra agent who killed hundreds of people.

The only person willing to see past that was Natasha. Perhaps it was because she saw herself in you, a skilled assassin that desperately needed a way out from her past.

Because of this, she often volunteered as your babysitter while the rest of the Avengers went on missions. There would be moments of hurt when everyone would leave, but you understood.

You couldn’t be trusted.

That night, you ordered a pizza. You set it on the table in front of the couch before switching on the TV to flip through the news.

Natasha yawned as she sat down next to you, grabbing a slice. “Anything interesting?”

“Nope,” you replied. “Politics are dull.”

“Agreed,” she said. “The conversations go round and round until there’s nothing left to say. Then they forget what they all came together to do.” She sighed.

You chuckled. “Didn’t you mouth off on Capitol Hill?”

“Yeah,” she said with a fond smile. “Definitely my best memory.”

After flipping through the channels, you finally settled on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.

“This show’s ridiculous,” Natasha laughed. “How many people can you possibly sleep with?”

“Never enough, I guess,” you replied, reaching for another slice.

As you continued to eat and watch, you finally settled back into the cushion.

“How’d you do it?” you asked quietly.

She turned the volume down. “Do what?”

“Get them to trust you,” you said.

Her lips pursed as her green eyes looked at you. “No one really trusted me at first,” she confessed. “Fury was the only person who had my back.”

You nodded, looking away. “I see.”

She wrapped her arm around your shoulders, gently squeezing them. “It’s only a matter of time. We’re just doing this until they feel comfortable.”

“And you’re comfortable around me?” you asked. “You’re always the first to stay behind.”

“I know what it’s like,” she said. “I know what it’s like to have the rug pulled from under your feet.”

You hummed a response.

“If it makes you feel better, I trust you,” she said.

You looked at her. “You trust me?”

She shrugged. “Just a gut feeling.”

You smiled. “Thanks.”

“Do you trust me?” came the question.

You felt her leaning closer, watching her green eyes gaze down at your lips, asking permission.

“Yes,” you answered breathlessly.

When she kissed you, the touch was shy as a blush. You finally had a sense of purpose fill you again.

It all lasted only a moment before she pulled back.

“I’ll always have your back, Y/N. Never forget that.”

And you never did.

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throwing-summers-at-the-walls · 4 years ago

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Hi, i hope you are feeling good! Im better than yesterday so i can finally answer you. First of all: i am so happy that you shared your fanfiction! i had a great time reading it! Im always open for more recs. Maybe your all time favorites? Or if you know some good h/c these are always welcome :) And YESSS please send me a link to your fanvids. -- yeah 13rw was super cursed. haha i also watched season 1 but thankfully i was able to sto watching becaue i could feel it making me feel bad (1)

I agree the suicide scene was just cringe (but i think i remember reading somewhere that they cut it out? idk) and overall this show just gave me the feeling that there was no hope and things are always getting worse instead of better and i hated that. but enough of that cursed show. can i just say i really admire how open you are about your feelings (like being suicidal and that) i realy, really admire this about you. i have so much respect for you that you can just share your feelings here (2)

I have never heard of ace attorney but that story you described sounds really good. and i get reading sth that isnt good for you and still doing it (because im a dumb bitch too :D) -- okay i might accept that Root will never grow on you (but i thought so too and look at me now :D) but i havent fully given up yet :)-- yes thats the girl. i think it was really sweet when she said that to Shaw. and i think Shaw appreciated it that someone tried to figure her out instead of just writting her off (3)

Shaw is really cool and definately also a badass and in combination with John its just great! but you will have to suffer trough some Shoot. but maybe, maybe you will end up not hating Root. hope dies last (idk how the saying goes in english, sorry). -- Did you ever ship Caresse (in a romantic way)? cause sometimes i do and sometimes i dont and i get so confused about it :) but i think most of the time i like them more as friends. anyway her death really sucked and you are right with (4)

her death and them losing the library it felt like a different show (i mean i guess it was a different show then). i kinda get your feelings about the destroyed library because i also really loved it (and im really bad with change) but i dont think it affected me as much as you. but yeah i still missed the library very much. and while the subway is a really cool new place its not the same. (also the subway is super dark cause its underground and idk it just makes the whole thing less homey) (5)

Yes he is everything! such a great, interesting character and i wish there were more John-centric episodes! (like ones that explored his character more). that was one of my biggest dislikes of the later seasons that John wasnt featured as much anymore. i think he chuckled a few times in the show but a real laugh? i cant remember one :( -- He did promise Joss to talk to Tyler so @show were is that talk? -- if seen the vid its awesome! thehiddenmemory has some great poi vids! (6)

yes i think so too. Like Grace would probably be relived and thankful that Harold is still alive and maybe they would even try again but eventually she would figure out that she cant trust him after lying to him for so long or sth like that and Harold would ofc realize that he is in love with someone else now. And then he finds out that John is still alive but stayed away cause he didnt want to get in the way of Harold/Grace. But then Harold comes back. And when they meet again John is like (7)

you came back for the machine? what about Grace. But Harold tells him he came back for John not the machine and then they kiss and have a happy live with Bear (sorry i got a little carried away here :D). -- Yeah Zoe is really hot and she needed more screen time! -- i hope you have a good day and i hope i havent messed up the numbers on the asks! :)

Hi ! I'm finally free from the resits, I hope you're doing okay with your thesis 💛

Sorry for replying late, there was the exam resits, and I read a bunch of fics, then I fell into pokémon and started bingewatching it. (Also I had a breakdown during therapy today so I'm gonna finish writing my answer to distract myself - it's been sitting in my drafts for so long rip)

Thank you !! It was a very personal thing, I'm really happy you liked it !! Your support and your comment made me thrive 💛💛

Tbh I was surprised to see it get kudos given that the only intended audience was my self projecting ass 🤣

So, my fav fics (my fav fic ever is in French, rip to y'all bc it's so good):

I am, I am, I am by RavenWhitecastle

Actually check the entire series this work belongs to: The Sinner and the Saint. I haven't finished it yet but I love it (I just skipped the explicit fics bc I don't like smut or sub!John)

Breaking All The Rules by talkingtothesky

Outsider Perspective by Neery

A Really Private Person by astolat

Hamartia (the hero's fatal flaw) by astolat

If Only for Tonight by spacemutineer

From Here, Where? by AKMars

Stroll by TheaNishimori

and the world was gone by lunarcorvid

a light that never goes out by vindicatedtruth

Limitations. by Michaelssw0rd

Reel you in and spit you out by Michaelssw0rd

All I Want For Christmas Is You by richmahogany

By What Power I Am Made Bold by brinnanza

Aftershocks by darringtons

At Certain Hours It All Breaks Down by nogoaway

construction of a kingdom by the_ragnarok

You Take Me Higher Than I've Gone by talkingtothesky

All Together Now by beadedslipper

I'll Let the Waters Still by brinnanza

Birthday Tradition by talkingtothesky

Things My Father Taught Me by KRyn

Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder by infiniteeight

Better Luck This Time by Lisztful

Motivations by JenNova

What's On the Table by cortue

In Another Life by Della19

I Thought We Already Were by talkingtothesky

Misunderstandings by thisstarvingartist

This is already fucking long omg so for the h/c: my bookmarks filtered with Rinch and h/c

Here's my playlist, it's mostly Rinch, but there are a few not Rinch vids, plus some scenes I like

This is long enough already, so it's time for a read more. Also, warning, we be talking about suicide

The portrayal of suicide is cringe most of the time anyway. If my suicidal ass can find a list of suicide methods and their lethality in 2 mins on Google you'd think writers who are supposed to do some research would be able to find them too but no they're like "ah yes slicing wrists" even though it's literally the shittiest method 🙄 (I just don't understand why slicing wrists seems to be such a popular method in the collective imagination ? It's weird.) At least in 13rw she took aspirin and cut herself vertically instead of horizontally but still, no hesitation wounds, and she dies even though she only got 4 wounds iirc ? I know more about jumping off bridges than slicing wrists, but it kinda sounds like bullshit to me. Also Netflix once suggested "beyond the reasons" to me, it's a sort of discussion with the cast and crew of 13rw and the only thing I remember is a moment of intellectual masturbation abt how they "opened a discussion abt suicide" 😬😬😬

They may have cut it out it's not impossible, idk I didn't hear about it, but it's not like I look for info about this dumpster fire lol. Maybe they faced backlash ? Wouldn't be surprised given how shit the show was. And yeah it has a hopeless vibe, I mean that's how it be when you're suicidal, but I didn't like it either.

You're sweet 💜💜 it's interesting that you find it respectable or admirable, I don't have an external point of view, so I'm just like 🤷 it is what it is. I understand where you're coming from though, I guess it's still quite a taboo subject, and suicidal people don't always feel comfortable talking about it, so me throwing around that I jumped off a bridge must be surprising. I'm detached enough from my suicide attempt that I'm able to talk about it without much of a problem, and I'm not really suicidal anymore.

Dumb bitches unite 👏👏👏 we be out there reading shit we shouldn't read

Yeah I think it's nice how the show didn't portray Shaw as a bad person for not having "normal feelings". Well, hope makes one live as we say in French (idk the English saying either lol) but don't hold much hope about me liking Root lmao

I used to ship careese bc they kissed in the crossing, but then I read some Rinch fics and I just ended up falling into it to the point where I stopped caring about careese. Now I think their relationship works better as a friendship.

Yeah all that change really puts me off... It just gives me "bad spin-off" vibes. Especially since there is less John :( and less Rinch :((((

Lmao yeah I just have a lot of feelings about early poi hgkfglrk. Also :/ I'm sad about the subway being less homey pls I just want happiness ?? I swear this show destroys my heart on top of owning my last braincell (brb changing my blog title to this lmao)

Mood I need all the John-centric eps, give me m o r e characterization and development and backstory and feelings hhhhhhh. I love him so much I just wanna spend more time with him. And that's what fics are for ! Yeah thehiddenmemory is so talented ! Astolat made some good ones too, on top of writing really good fics ! (Our fandom has been blessed with the presence of one of the ao3 founders hell yeah)

Also, remember how we talked abt the poi subreddit ? The other day I left a comment on there, wild I know. It wasn't a discussion about the last seasons though, I'm not crazy, it was about the impact poi had in our lives so I said it literally taught me English. Who knows maybe sometimes I'll comment again lol. I just don't wanna meet one of those people who prefer late poi over early poi.

Allow me to uuuuh write something based on what you said. Don't ask me how John survived with no major injuries, my man got that Thick Plot Armor alright. Hope you appreciate me getting carried away sjdkdksk it's kinda rushed and the first part isn't that good bc idk how to write Grace I'm just here for that sweet sweet Rinch stuff

Harold is eating breakfast with Grace in her kitchen – he can't think of her home as his home – when his phone vibrates. It's a text from the machine. It's a surprise, she barely contacted him since... He blocks the thoughts and the images coming to his mind. The machine sent him a picture. When he opens it, his heart misses a beat. Right here on his screen is a silhouette he thought he would never see again. His phone vibrates again. Another picture, this time it's unmistakably John, wearing his signature suit, Bear next to him. Transfixed, he stares at his phone until he feels Grace gently touching his arm. She goes straight to the point.

"Is it John ?" He looks up in confusion, but before he can say anything, she adds, "I hear you call him in your sleep every night."

"It's him, yes." He doesn't want to explain. He only wants to see John, to touch him, to tell him how much he loves him.

"You should go back to him. I like you, Harold. I am deeply relieved to see you alive. But I've been thinking, and... It's not working. This, us... You aren't really the man I fell in love with, the man I grieved... I can't trust you anymore." She doesn't say 'You lied to me' but Harold hears it all the same.

Harold sits on their bench. The machine indicated John often comes here. Soon enough, his arms are full of Bear, and John is standing in front of him.

"John. How are you ?" he asks when Bear finally calms down.

"Busy. And you ?"

Harold eyes him suspiciously – John once said he was busy when he was bleeding and way too close to death – but he seems to be well.

"I'm fine." He doesn't have time for awkward small talk." I thought you were dead. Why didn't you contact me ?"

"The machine told me you were with Grace. I thought you wanted to come back to your previous life. I didn't want to crash into it and ruin what you had."

Harold wants to be angry at him, but he understands. He did the same with Grace.

"You would never ruin anything. Besides, my relationship with Grace... didn't survive my lies. She's very dear to my heart, but she's a part of my previous life, as you said."

"So you came back for the machine, and the numbers, like the good old times ?"

Harold gets up from the bench.

"I came back for you. You are an important part of my life. The most important part."

John smiles, finally. He takes a step towards Harold, they're so close they could kiss. Harold reaches out, grips his shirt and slowly inches closer. He's still afraid of being rejected but John wraps his arm around him and kisses him. The kiss is over too soon. John's smile is even wider when they part.

"You're the most important part of my life too," he says before kissing Harold again. "You will stay ?"

"Always."

Damn I live for sappy Rinch stuff.

Bitches decided that Harold saying "always" is peak Rinch. It's me I'm bitches.

Also ofc I had to make a reference to number crunch, who do you think I am

Anyway. I hope you have a good day ! 💛

#half valid anon

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szopenhauer · 4 years ago

Text

Do you like Chanel purses? no

When was the last time you had Pepsi? ages ago

Do you know anyone with exaggeratedly big muscles? not personally

What is your favorite endangered animall? elephant

Can you name someone with the same last name as you? my parents

Who was the last person to scream your name? ...

By the way, that wasnt meant to be perverted. too late I have no idea why I thought about that - no one ever screamed my name this way and nobody ever will :x

Do you struggle to articulate your thoughts and feelings? it seems Name something that you are doing tonight. nothing and I realized that I don’t want to go to sleep more than ever before, I just don’t want to wake up tomorrow and yet I’m scared of dying (suffering)

Do you like the smell of a barbecue? nah

Would you date an 18 year old at the age you are now? too young for me Are you more likely to show affection through your words or your actions? words I guess Do you have an easy time falling asleep? I wish Are you a crier? crybaby Do you like to wear makeup? no Do you have a high tolerance for people? pfft Do you like your bed? why not How many times have you been to the ER? few

Are you wearing shorts? basically never

Do you eat randomly, just whenever the hell you want? ...

Did you have trouble getting up this morning? yeah What’s a few things that automatically make you go, “Awww”? cute little dogs Do you have soft hands? Do you like holding hands? do I? I like to hold hands tho What’s your opinion on perfumes that are REALLY expensive? dumb, I hate perfume but expensive - that is ridiculous! Have you ever really hated a teacher and practically made it clear you did? Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know. Are you a little bit cautious around horses? Do they scare you a bit? I’m just a cautious person in general If you could live next door to ANYONE, who would you want to live beside? love of my life, I mean - we can live together but for now it would be cool if we were neighbors at least, you know what I mean? Do you think your friends are pretty? Do your friends think your pretty? what friends... Are you currently worried about your parents finding out about something? maybe mom about that one particular thing that starts on S and ends with X

What is your opinion on air pollution? less cars!

Were you forced to read ‘The Odyssey’ in high school? from what I remember

Who was the last person to come visit you? M.

When was the last time you shaved your legs? recently

Do you own any superhero shirts? nope

What is your opinion on the “Team Edward/Team Jacob” shirts? I dislike Twilight

If you had to teach a class, what would you teach? if I really had to then art

How did your parents meet each other? personal

What profession do you think is the most under-appreciated? garbage collectors, those who clean the streets or hospitals, postmen etc.

Have you ever drawn on someone while they were sleeping? don’t do that

Does time really heal all wounds? Or is that just a trivial saying? trivial saying

Where is your favorite place to take a nap? I don’t do naps but my bed

Would you rather lose all your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? not be able to make new

Have you ever swerved off the road to avoid hitting an animal? I don’t drive

What’s a tradition you hope never dies out? it’s a secret

Do you have any exes you’d consider dating again? I’m dating my ex

Have you ever went a year without getting your hair cut? yes Do you think you could go a week without sugar? without sweets? I already do, I don’t even drink tea with sugar Would you be willing to go one day each week without meat? absolutely Do you feel comfortable telling people how much you weigh? whatever Are you any good at sewing? I know basics Have you looked at any old photos of yourself lately? this year Do you carry a calculator around with you everywhere? I don’t need it that often Do you like to plan things out or just go with the flow? plan but not strictly

Do you garden at all? If so, what types of things do you grow? I help my parents which I find pointless because there is always much more work than results Do you consider cooking to be an art? when done right How many pairs of sunglasses do you own? too many considering that I barely wear ‘em ^^” Are you a fast or slow reader? fast Would you ever spend $500 on concert tickets? hell no Do you know anyone who looks like you? there was a gal who was similar to me on tumblr but younger than me, I lost contact with her Do you get nervous when you go to the doctor? yeah :( Are you a short tempered person? oh well...

Does it take a lot to gross you out? I’m easily grossed out Last time you seen an ocean: never saw ocean in person Do you collect sea shells? not as much as I used to

What is one change you need to make in your life this month? lets not talk about it, ok?

Would you have sex with the last person you texted? done Are you planning on kissing anyone tomorrow evening? she’s gonna be busy working Do you require a lot of private time? yasss Have you ever told a guy you were a lesbian to get him to leave you alone? it’s because I’m a lesbian lmfao If you have a favorite television show, who’s your favorite character? in my most fav shows plot was more important to me than characters tbh, it’s hard to explain, I hope I’m not the only one who thinks this way haha but in Buffy I didn’t like Xander and Angel was annoying even though he was necessary, I wasn’t a fan of Faith and didn’t understand Riley existence in the universe, also Dawn changed a lot for worse but I swallowed it with patience, in Call the midwife I felt crappy when they took Chummy and Jenny away, I didn’t watch newest episodes so I have no idea who Lucille and Valerie are, I horribly miss sister Evangelina :(

What’s the best part about flying? don’t ask me, I’ve never been on a plane

Did you ever watch Sailor Moon? fragments

Chocolate or Vanilla ice cream? vanilla

If you had to get glasses would you wear contacts? I’d prefer glasses

Are mac’s really better than PC’s? I’m a PC gal

D0 y0u l1k3 t0 t@lk l1k3 a 5c3n3 k1d? *cringe*

When you were red and green clothes do you feel like a Christmas Tree? lol

What TV show has the best theme song? hard choice

New Year’s Plans? I don’t plan to live that long

Would you agree that Sex and The City is the best show ever? no way, I didn’t even care enough to watch one episode of it

Do you call your friends with red hair “ranga’s”? wtf

Have you ever been surfing? me? surfing? r u kidding?

Would you feel funny if you kissed somebody of the same sex? excuse me, I’m into women exclusively

Name a thing in your room that other probably don’t have in theirs: me ha!

What’s your best jacket like? comfy :3

What’s something you can cook or bake like a pro? nothing

If you could pull off any hairstyle, what would it look like? I have couple of ideas ;)

What is the worst thing that happened so far today? my failed appointment as I didn’t get any answers nor help for my heart condition and allergies and that was the last attempt, I have no other ways of fixing things to survive next months, my life;s officially over, I only have suffering and fear left, I’m a burden and I want to kill myself sooner than food or cardiac arrest

Did that ruin your day? it ruined my LIFE

What’s something good you’re looking forward to? sweet relieve of death?...

What’s something that you think is really cute?

*wish it was mine

Describe your feet: eww, why, better not

If you see somebody crying, do you start crying too? depends

How do you like your hoodies? oversized, without kangaroo pocket in front and/or a zipper, yuk

Is having to pee really badly worse than being really thirsty? it is to me at least

Were you a cute baby? I was a red haired potato

Are you talking to anybody right now? online

How tall are your tallest socks? I kept my rainbow knee high socks but I don’t use them anymore

Are you waiting for a phone call? at night?...

Do you look forward to swimsuit season, or get really nervous? I was skipping swimsuit seasons for over 10 years until this summer - I bought the cheapest and went to stand/walk in the water and sit on a beach despite my insecurities

If you could live for a year with any foreign family, where would you go? don’t wanna, scary

What do you wish people would pay you to do? browse the internet XD

Do you take good pictures? I try

Should you be doing something else right now? wash my hair, drink water, commit suicide - who knows

Did that question make you nervous? that question made me sad

Why don’t girls like porn? some enjoy it

Tell me a memory of this summer: this summer is all about romantic love, illnesses and nostalgy

Do you think it’s pretty when 100s of balloons are let loose into the sky? a waste but still pretty, sorry love, I know you’d be irritated so don’t worry - I will never do smth like that to ya

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salmonthestoryteller · 5 years ago

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All About Isobel

I’ll admit Isobel is my fav character. I honestly didn’t expect that to happen. She definitely wasn’t among my fav in the OG series, nor at the start of the book series. (Though, like RNM the book series version seems to be winning me over.) Somewhere along the line, though, I was like - yah, nope, everybody else move a slot down, Isobel is claiming my top character spot.

If there’s one thing I love about Isobel it is how important Max and Michael are to her. It seems to be why some people hate her. To me, though, it’s one of the reasons I adore her character. These are her brothers and if you hurt them she will end you. The world can freakin’ burn, she is going to protect these two with all she has in her.

It isn’t surprising either, and I want to back up and look at her backstory first, especially with everything we learned in the last two episodes of the season. So, yes, considering her plot involving both the Drifter and Noah, fair warning that some of the content may be triggering.

So there is at least two instances where Isobel is able to call out to Michael, one shared with Max, while completely unconscious. We know Max and Isobel have their twin connection which Max describes as a “warm presence” with him all the time. But the fact that she called to Michael twice shows that at some level she has to be telepathically connected to him as well.

They emerge from the pods at age seven, and are found by the highway. From there they end up in a group home. Now, to my understanding a group home is not a foster family. It is the modern day equivalent to an orphanage, with several adults looking after a group of children. From there they are adopted by the Evans almost right away. They still aren’t even speaking yet when they go with them. Max and their mother discuss the fact that it took them months to talk. And that when they did, they did so immediately with no trouble. As if they’d been waiting to learn the whole language before speaking.

Michael, as we know, is left behind and doesn’t return to their lives until they are eleven. However, Isobel probably could sense that he was missing the whole time. She couldn’t say who was missing, because they hadn’t had words or names when they were separated. She couldn’t say “Michael is missing” - she just knew someone was. This is probably where Isobel’s fear of losing those she cares about first stems from. An experience she couldn’t even fully explain at the time.

I have no doubt that when they found each other again at eleven, it was one of the best days of their lives to Isobel. Because, to her, Michael is her brother. There’s no ifs in that to Isobel. Michael says they aren’t family, Max tells Michael he isn’t his family in a moment of anger, but to Isobel the fact that Michael is her brother is indisputable. It’s plain fact. It’s there in the way she treats him, in how she is willing to rely on him and trust him, and even how she speaks. Not even the big statements like, “We’re a family.” In small ways like how she refers to Max in 1x03 as “Our brother.”

Fast forward a few years. (In 1x06 I thought it was their thirteenth birthday as it was 2004 and they are said to be 17 in 2008, but in 1x12 Max says Isobel was fourteen so I guess if their “birthday” was summer it's three years later?) It seems like - compared to Max - Michael protected Isobel much more from the abuse he was suffering. It doesn’t seem as if she has an understanding of just how bad things were. The look on her face when he tells her the story of always going to Foster Homestead Ranch and his reasons why are further proof. Isobel knew he wasn’t as lucky as them, but she was at a loss at how bad he truly had it. How alone he truly felt. Which I think was on purpose on Michael’s part. It’s also why she’s probably closer to their mother than Max was. She doesn’t seem to harbor the same resentment to their parents that Max felt for them not taking Michael in. I think she’s closer to Ann because when she thinks she’s dying she tells Max, “We should call Mom.” Not their parents. “Mom.”

However, Ann still says they both kept her at arms length to Max. That they, not him but they, didn’t let her be a mom. I don’t think this was true as much when they were younger. I’m guessing the separation for Isobel and Ann occured when Isobel hit puberty. Because - think about this for a moment - Isobel is an alien. She knows this. She knows she has powers others don’t. That her biology isn’t quite the same. (Acetone, hello.) And she had to go through puberty with not only no grown woman to talk to it about, but not even another girl her own age. She couldn’t ask her mom if certain things happening were normal or not - because there was no way of knowing what was alien “normal.” And if it turned out it wasn't human normal, and she brought it up she risked exposing them. Puberty is a pretty sucky thing already, and Isobel probably felt twice as isolated during it because she just damn didn’t know what was or wasn’t normal for their species. In that Max and Michael at least had each other. I doubt Isobel felt comfortable talking to her brothers about periods, cramps, etc.

And in the middle of this whole very isolating confusing time for her comes the Drifter. It’s pretty clear what his intentions were when he grabbed her, though it is not made clear how far he got. Isobel is still clothed, so I don’t think he raped her, but I have no doubt he touched her before Max and Michael got here. And remember something else - Isobel is a telepath. A telepath who they already knew could make others do things. If she at all tried to touch the Drifter’s mind there’s no saying what was said in Mindspace to her.

Worse, this is when her telepathic scream brings her to Noah’s attention. Between the Drifter’s attack and witnessing Max kill him, Isobel shuts down. The trauma is too much for her to handle, and she retreats inside her mind. Noah takes the opportunity to connect to her that night, and he never lets go of that connection until his death. Max said that she continued to have black outs after the attack, and Noah mentions how that allowed him to see through her eyes. How soon he was able to start to use her body to move around is unclear. And we are also unclear on what all influences Noah had on her otherwise.

Noah speaks of their connection several times. We know he can control her actions when she is unconscious or withdrawn into her mind, but how deep did that connection run? Max is concerned about Liz’s ability to consent when his mark is on her. Noah has had his mind connected to Isobel’s since she was fourteen. We cannot say how much that affected her - if she ever had complete autonomy after that night or if a part of her was always affected by Noah’s feelings and desires.

However, one thing is very much true - and that’s that after that night Isobel didn’t trust anyone who wasn’t Max or Michael for years. There was never a time when the people around her weren’t listed as “potentially dangerous”. We see that in how she reacts to everything, both in her teen years and even as an adult. She kept everyone else at arms length. Through barbs; through a mask of perfection. The reason Isobel didn’t care about using her powers as a teen?

Because as long as other people were doing what she wanted she was safe.

This is someone who never feels safe. Hasn’t been able to regain that feeling since that night in the desert. The only place she felt remotely at ease was around Max and MIchael. Isobel is clearly supposed to be the Queen Bee in high school, yet she goes to prom with her brothers. Why? Because Isobel didn't trust anyone else. It’s why she kept withdrawing into herself and having blackouts as graduation approached. If Max and Michael left - how was she ever going to feel safe? She had devoted her life to her brothers, because she knew she could trust them. They would protect her, no matter what. They’d already proven it. Everybody else was suspect.

Only now her brother were becoming suspect. If they were going to leave her to fend for herself, what did she have left? It’s clear from her lash out, “What am I supposed to do?” that Isobel had no plans right then for her future. She doesn’t know what she’s going to do once Michael and Max leave - she never once mentions college herself. And, actually, it seems her brothers have no idea either. During the argument all Max says is “Live your life.” There’s nothing there about anything Isobel might want or suggested she would do after graduation. If Max and Michael had this argument, that line would have involved, “What are you talking about? You’re leaving for Albuquerque/You’re running off to Europe.” For Isobel the best Max has to offer is “Live your life"?

This is actually where the fact that Roswell is supposed to be a small town probably plays a big part. Because Isobel is the only girl among the three aliens. It’s not surprising that in a small town Isobel’s lack of plans to go to college or pursue a career is never brought up. The notion of girls staying home with the parents, working local jobs or simply getting married is still quite common. From what we’ve seen, it’s actually what happens to Isobel after graduation, though that hasn’t completely been made clear yet.

One big thing did happen first, though. The murders. Things change that night for Isobel in a very big way. Until now Isobel has relied on her brother’s for protection. After the cover up Isobel finds herself in a new role - One of protector.

To her, Michael may have killed Rosa, Jasmin, and Kate - but he is very much not to blame for it. Think of the story Michael tells her. He got into a fight and his hand was smashed. He says he got drunk, but it's not like Michael could have gone to a hospital. What is the only painkiller they have? Acetone. To her, Michael was medicating himself because he had no way to receive the care he needed. Then, drunk on the acetone, he ran into the other car and lost control of his powers. He was drunk and in pain and alone and he lashed out to protect himself. She may believe Michael killed them, but she doesn’t blame him. If anything, she probably blames herself for blacking out and not being there when he needed her.

Then, a few days later, Max starts talking about telling Liz the truth. Think about what this looks like from Isobel’s perspective. Max is choosing some crush over Michael. Michael, who buried the Drifter for him and kept his secret all these years. He’s literally going to get Michael arrested, maybe even get them all killed if they find out what he is, because he cares about some girl more than their brother. Is it any wonder she decides to go into Liz’s mind and tell her to stay away from Max?

However, I feel it's hinted at that Max kinda broke down after Liz left. Isobel mentions something that sounds like a reference in a conversation with Michael in 1x02:

“Max is shutting me out. I thought maybe you could talk to him. Something is wrong with him, Michael. And when that happened the last time, you were the only one he would open up to.”

I think seeing how using her powers on Liz affected Max really drove home what her powers were capable of to Isobel. She’d never used her powers against her brothers in such a way. I don’t think she ever used her powers to negatively affect those she cared about. Others were free game, but anything that could hurt those she loved was off limits. And this is Max, her person as she calls him to Noah, and her using her powers has hurt him. She tells Michael, “I don’t do that anymore.” While it’s unclear when she stopped, my guess is that it was after she used them on Liz.

Then, while we can’t be certain how soon it happened, she met Noah. She probably felt an instant trust in him because - hello - Noah was in her literal head. She didn’t know why she felt safe with him, but he was the first person aside from Max and Michael who made her feel that way. So she dated him, fell in love, got married.

All of this is disturbing enough, because essentially Noah has been grooming Isobel since she was fourteen and then he seeks her out physically and marries her once he gets out of the pod. But what also bothers me is we don’t see any hint that Isobel is romantically with anyone else in the past. She teases Max about Tess, Michael mentions dates limiting options, but Isobel is not shown with anyone. The only feelings of desire Isobel experiences that we are shown is Noah’s for Rosa through her flashbacks, and her and Noah’s relationship. There is literally nobody else that is even mentioned. Every other character we get some mention of an ex or potential love interest, even Rosa. But Isobel has only Noah.

Over the same time period, she witnessed Max and Michael’s friendship fall apart with no idea why. She didn’t understand what was happening between them. This was her family and now they were barely speaking. She had her new position, though, and she wasn’t going to let them down. She was going to be the one who was strong; the one who protected them and looked after them. She devoted herself to that, and despite some bumps along the way, I don’t think she felt she failed at it. She never knew Max was unhappy - he didn’t seem to show that to her after he got his act together. She says as much to Noah in 1x03. She thought Michael let his life fall apart because he’d killed three girls and couldn’t forget. She tried to be there for him - she never cut him out of her life. She had no idea how to make things better, but she made sure she was there if he needed her. We know this because Noah doesn’t just list Max when Isobel says she had something to take care of - he lists Michael too.

Then Liz comes back into town, and everything changes. It’s little wonder she views Liz as a threat. Remember, Isobel never feels safe - everyone is a threat. Liz most of all - Max almost turned on Michael and her for Liz once before. Max was devastated after losing her the first time and now it's going to happen again. And while people like to say Isobel is overprotective and out of line for constantly lecturing Max about her - is she wrong? Liz is using Max’s feelings because she’s searching for the truth, Liz does want revenge for Rosa. Liz's history doesn't look like someone she would trust with her brother's happiness.

Isobel isn’t just using her powers for kicks. She goes after Liz to protect her family. She practices at Maria’s bar because she thinks she needs to strengthen her abilities. If she fails - how will she ever keep Michael safe now that Liz knows an alien killed Rosa? She isn’t thinking there’s some big secret to why Maria hates her - she probably thinks the reason is small and petty. She doesn’t know Maria. Then everything becomes strange - because why did Rosa hate her? Rosa was two years older than them - she was long gone from high school by the time Isobel would have been the head of Roswell High’s Mean Girls. It makes no sense - she almost never interacted with her. Why would someone hate her she didn’t even know?

It’s no wonder the “truth” about the murders affects Isobel so deeply. She’s spent ten years viewing the deaths as a terrible accident. Now they are murders - actual murders - that she herself committed. And she doesn’t know why. She does know that for some reason Rosa hated her. But Rosa, Kate, and Jasmin weren't even a blip on her radar before the murders. Why would she suddenly kill them? She's spent her whole life afraid of others and now she can't even trust herself.

Then the flashbacks start after the cure. She has no reason to doubt them - they're her own memories. What's more is that they probably make sense to her. There were probably days she was sick of the front she put on to keep others at a distance. And here are these flashbacks saying she let down that guard with someone - with Rosa. And it seems like it was a wonderful thing - Rosa didn't let her down. She was safe. Maybe she even loved her? It's everything teen Isobel always wanted. She and Michael discuss it:

"I used to look in the sky when we were kids, and hope something up there would save me."

"I used to look around at the people of this town and hope for the same thing."

She feels invested in this now. She had a close friend, the only truly close female friend she ever had as far as we see, maybe she even had a secret romance. Then she finds out the horrifying truth that it was never her at all. She never had that friendship, and what's worse? Noah used her to attack an innocent girl. Just like she was attacked when she was fourteen. Only Rosa didn't have Max and Michael to save her.

Isobel's face off with Noah is painful because it truly is the worst betrayal imaginable. Isobel doesn't let people close. Isobel doesn't trust. She did with Noah, when the truth is she never should have. He was the one she should have been protecting herself from.

I am glad they gave us her final Mindscape conversation with Noah. It may be a lie that she never loved him, but what truly mattered wasn't whether she loved him or not. What mattered was facing him and letting him know he no longer had control of her. She was done with him.

The season ends with Isobel exploding the picture frame with her mind. And while I'm excited to see her expand her powers, I am concerned for her in s2. The truth about Noah has already taken away one of her shelters. Losing Max? That is literally one of her greatest fears come to life.

In pursuit of feeling safe again - in protecting what she has left? There's really no saying what path Isobel might take.

#roswell new mexico #isobel evans #meta #headcanons #I have lots of Isobel feels #why can't you let izzy be happy

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takerfoxx · 6 years ago

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All right, all right, y’all knew they were gonna be somewhere on this list, so let’s go ahead and put the two super obvious ones out there. The fav(s) of the day are...

SAYAKA MIKI AND KYOKO SAKURA!

Like, duh.

So, let’s take this back to the very beginning. When I watched PMMM for the first time, I latched onto Sayaka as my favorite pretty much off the bat. I mean, she was funny, she was energetic, she was expressive of her emotions, she was proactive, she care for people and tried to do what she thought was right, and she wasn’t afraid to throw down.

Things escalated after Mami’s death and Sayaka took the contract, and I went from simply liking Sayaka to growing really worried about her. I mean, this wasn’t my first rodeo, and I knew a death flag when I saw one. As if in, “Oh, no. Don’t do this, girl. It’s gonna turn out bad. Someone, please talk some sense into her before tragedy strikes!”

And then Kyoko showed up.

And I hated her.

No, I’m being serious. Go back and watch her first couple of episodes. Kyoko was a major asshole who immediately picked a fight with my girl, and I hated her for it. So when Homura showed up to stop things, I was all like, “Yes! Get it, Homura! Kick her ass!”

But then, something strange happened. We got the twist about the soul gems, and Sayaka’s story grew ever darker. It broke my heart to see her mentally, emotionally, and spiritually break down. From Kyubey’s coldhearted torture of her just to make a point to her growing depression to her heartbreak with Kyosuke...all I wanted was for her to have some happiness, but no matter what happened things only got worse. And as was the case with Gollum, it was in part her doing, which only added to the tragedy.

Kyoko, on the other hand, changed noticeably. Instead of antagonizing Sayaka, she started to open up to her, reach out to her, and even try to help her, and as a result, I warmed up to her as well. Like Sayaka, I started to see a different side of Kyoko. I came to understand why she was the way she was, and started to feel for her as well. And by the time Kyoko was actively protecting Sayaka from Homura, I was fully on board the Kyoko train.

And then, it happened.

Sayaka turned into a witch, and my heart was broken.

It’s funny, because looking back, I don’t actually remember how I initially reacted to the reveal that witches used to be magical girls, or Homura’s time travel, or anything about Kyubey. I was just praying that Kyoko’s plan would work, that Madoka would be able to reach Sayaka’s humanity, that something from her would return.

But it didn’t. Because it wasn’t that kind of show. And when Kyoko laid down her life for Sayaka’s sake, I was devastated.

It just didn’t feel right that their stories should end like that. I had only known them for a short time, but right then, I wanted nothing more for their story to have a happy ending, for them to be comforted in their suffering. And me being me, I started to fantasize about them reuniting in the afterlife, and the afterlife being a weird and wild world where they could go have adventures together, and well...you know the rest.

It’s funny, because if it weren’t for Resonance Days, my time with PMMM and with Kyoko and Sayaka might have been a temporary fling like it usually is with new shows. I tend to be a one and done sort of guy whenever I watch something new, no matter how much I like it. But because of that story, I’ve ended up revisiting PMMM over and over, each time noticing something new. I’ve thought about the characters and their stories time and time again. I’ve taken the series apart, analyzed the craftsmanship, and found it even more wonderful than it seemed on that first viewing. And the relationship between Kyoko and Sayaka, brief as it was, just became that more important to me.

Because let’s face it: they were at odds for most of the series, with Kyoko going after Sayaka as either an enemy or friend and Sayaka actively resisting her. But the more Kyoko tried to be a friend, the more healthy and heroic she became, and the more Sayaka resisted, the worse she got. And when Rebellion came out and we got to see them having a genuine friendship, we finally got to see how well they complemented one another, building on each other’s strengths and helping them through their weaknesses. Sayaka got to be the responsible one for once, while Kyoko finally knew a measure of peace and was able to revert back to the easy-going goofball she presumably was before things went bad with her family and got to be a hero once again.

So as either friends or even lovers, there’s just something kind of magical about how these two go-getter tomboys play off each other, and if we ever do get a follow-up to Rebellion, I for one hope to see more of that relationship play out. And for God’s sake, could you two just date each other already and let me watch? Please?

And now, KyoSaya shippers of the world. Rise for our national anthem!

youtube

Kyoko: I had a horrible dream about you last night. You were...dead. But it wasn't a dream, it was real, wasn't it? This right here, us fighting side by side... this is the dream, ain't it? Sayaka: It'd be sad if it were... but it's not like that. Not really. But I thought I didn't have any regrets when I died. But the truth is, when I found out about this assignment, I jumped at the chance to come back... 'cause in the end, I did have one regret. You. I missed you.

#pmmm #kyoko sakura #sayaka miki #kyosaya #fav of the day

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glamandgrace · 6 years ago

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Autumn, I’m Ready For You.

Hello lovlies!

Okay so I feel like I am always complaining about this miserable Texas heat and humidity...and it’s TRUE! I am because its absolutely awful. When Nelly sang his song,”It’s getting hot in herrrre”, I’m positive he was referring to the scorching Texas heat! I am more than ready to bid farewell to the sticky, suffocating sauna air and welcome a crisp, chillier temperature drop so I can actually feel comfortable about running in the morning and not be terrified of suffering from a heat stroke. A Texas gal can only dream of such magical goodness...

I have felt so inspired and excited for Autumn lately that I thought I would share what makes this rare season so special to me and our household. I would love it if you would also share your Fall favorites as well!

1) I’m totally going to be super BASIC with this one and tell you of my love of scented candles. Bath and Body Works scented Fall candles that come out every new season gives me that Christmas morning feeling! Lighting those little simple treasures just makes your house feel like a cozy, inviting HOME. I love lighting them early in the morning and at night. My whole family loves it and I truly believe it zens everyone out!

2) As a makeup artist, I get so amped up on using anything with deep, rich, warm tones. I am so infatuated with reds, oranges, burgandy, reddish browns...it revs up my passionate creativity! Rustic, fiery burnt shades are absolutely stunning to me. I’ll happily use these colors on my eyes, cheeks, lips, mani/pedicures...it’s my jam! I highly encourage anyone who typically uses neutrals on a daily basis (which I do too! Neutrals are STAPLES!!!) to dip into this warmer toned realm slowly by incorporating a lip color at first, or maybe a touch of blush. Or maybe blending a softer warm shade on the crease of the eyes.

3) Pumkin Patch Visits! One of our traditions each Autumn season is a family trip to our favorite pumpkin patch. We invite the grandparents to come along and load up our little red wagon and engage in all the adorable scenic picture props and kettle corn goodness. There is even a gorgeous corn maze for a fun activity (although if I’m being completely honest, don’t go in unless you have already eaten/had restroom trips/actually remember how to get out of the maze because it can lead to crankiness later LOL! Trust me!).

4) Polaroids are so much fun to use. It brings me back to my childhood and how ecstatic it feels to have an actual tangible mini photograph! It’s the little things in life guys! I usually cover our fridge in them but there is something so special about taking Fall polaroids to me. It’s a whole next level vibe of asthetic coolness.

5) I’m going to go ahead & be basic for the second time and say how much the Fall drink menu at Starbucks brings life to my caffiene-dependent soul! Salted caramel mocha, pumpkin spice, creme brule, GIVE IT ALL TO ME!!! I also love the caramel apple spice cider. It’s like a warm hug for your soul as cheesy as that is.

6) Last but certainly not least is my yearly curated Fall Playlist. This year it’s appropriately named Caramel Apple Spice Cider & Sweater Weather mix. Yes I realize it’s a long title but oh so worth the gem of tunes on it. You guys, this is my baby, my masterpiece, my heart and soul. I take this very seriously! The moodier, mellow vibes on this year’s mix makes me want to have a flannel blanket picnic in the park with the golden yellow and orange leaves falling all around me. It’s a vibe ya’ll!

***BONUS FAVS***

It’s just not Fall without watching my favorite classic movies and new season tv shows! Casper and Hocus Pocus are timeless, and I’ve really enjoyed sharing this seasonal tradition with my kids. We bake cute sugar cookies, cozy up in blankets, & watch these feel-good films.

Ever since the show Parenthood ended a few years ago, I have been in search of a family-oriented tv show to have me in all the feels so when NBC’s This Is Us magically graced America’s households with it’s presence, I eagerly yearn for the Pearson family journey each fresh Fall season. I cry...no I BAWL at every single episode so be warned!

#fall autumn #favorites

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fallenstarborn · 4 years ago

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Well this might take long but bear with me...

So, I finished True Beauty and I want to point out some things in an honest way. This will just be about the KDrama.

1. I don’t see a real development in JK. Yes she can wear her bare face at school but she doesn’t at work, she’s bare face with Suho but that’s all. She’s adorable don’t get me wrong but whwre is the ✨real beauty ✨ goal for her charcter. I wanted to see her accepting herself in a more mmm opened way, cause when she says she’s with Suho she’s just defending him from other people, she doesn’t want people making fun of him because of her and stand out like that wow she’s brave but...where is she? Maybe I didn’t get it correctly but I fell like her character just started to love herself and accepting herself cause two pretty boys said “You are pretty”. Maybe I wanted more for her

2. Suho...I like his character but he ended being that cold handsome guy who is actually a soft cinnamon roll when he finds the love of his life in the geek girl nobody wants. Yes he sees JK for who she is, he loves her, he has his flaws of course and damn the boy has the right to be jealous and make mistakes...and still his character got kind of stuck. He’s all soft inside and actually when he’s at the hospital and faced his Dad wow that was hard, our of all the expressions seein Suho crying was devastating, this is why congratulations Nunu you did an amazing job there. I also kind of wished his anxiety situation was more discussed along the drama cause let’s face it a lot of people (including myself) are suffering from this and just putting it in 5 minutes without tracking that his situation is part of his life...idk they could have maybe just not put that devastating scene and the scene where JK gives him all the presents/ useful items to handle the situation..but this is just me.

3. Seojun, My poor boy honestly...this is why it’s difficult to handle a love triangle always one of the characters ends with nothing, yes he debuted and he will be loved by many people but the writers did him so dirty...also trigger warning, When he goes to the stairs I felt my heart was gonna stop cause he’s i thought about Seyeon and the stairs. Also please don’t say JK owes him cause she never lead him on to think she might like him. Let’s talk about the hugs in the last two episodes: she never hugged him back of course it hurts cause we know he’s wanting it, there is a point where I even questioned their friendship cause she was so cold towards him (and also clueless but well) but let’s be honest would you be comfortable with soemone who hugs you just because they want to? In my case no, that’s why i think the writers made him dirty, cause why would you feed on the narrative that he stands a chance when we all knew he didn’t. Wouldn’t be better to show their friendship? To show that he cares for her but not just a love interest? Cause he cares for her when the video of her came out as his friend, as soemone who knew bullying was not okay but no...let’s make him suffer making him the perfect boy, a gentleman who doesn’t kiss a girl if she’s drunk, a boy who brings you flowers at work, a boy who doesn’t take advantage of a broken heart to make his way...idk Seojun deserves better not only on the love story but as a character.

4. Why all romantic k dramas have to get that “they knew each other since kids but one of them doesn’t remember” why?! I don’t get it, they can be soulmates without a shared past, they are gonna have a shared future who cares. In True Beauty idk sometimes it feels like too forced the fact that “they knew each other since kids”

5. Unnecessary suffering. When Suho goes to the US he breaks with JK, i get his reasons what I don’t get is that even tho his father is not okay he comes back like...mmm okay. Now let’s pasa to JK, she looks devasted but even tho she might haven’t forgotten Suho she continued with her life while SH was in pause, same with Seojun like he’s stuck with his feelings cause he doesn’t say he likes her so “he can be rejected and move on” which it seems it’s not true cause Seojun’s sister rejected JK’s brother but he’s still there and in the end the little girls tells him to not flirt with others. Like WTF...

6. We need to talk about this cause I’ve seen it so much...hating a character or hating the behaviour the character has doesn’t give anyone the right to hate on the actor. Like for real? Calling EW toxic, bad actor, useless, bla bla just because you want Seojun and JK being the endgame? For gods’ sake why go to his IG and comment those hurtful comments, did you watch the same kdrama? Cause it speaks about how malicious comments affect people and how those might lead to a decision that cannot be undone. What the hell is wrong with people? I saw several comments against him and threads and threads on Twitter just because people didn’t like the character, people even attacked his work as idol and singer, I get idol-actors have it difficult but we are just fans or spectators why would someone wants to hate on someone because of a character? Do you know how many male actors have this kind of character? It’s not my fav type- but a lot, believe me a lot...even female characters that are far worse but then bullying an idol it’s okay for that. Don’t do that, EW is still learning to be an actor, he’s young,he’s a 97 for gods sake and Who is good or bad is not Up to us that’s for professionals who actually know about acting if you don’t like Someone don’t watch, why would you waste your time like that?

7. The school behaviour, it couldn’t be more real honestly kids these days dont care about what happens to others the same way none of the classmates of JK cared about how she was suffering, nobody visited, nobody called her...they were more offended by her wearing make up than the fact that she was bullied and humiliated in her former school.

8. Kang Soojin I know we all hated her for what she did but Can we please take a moment to appreciate how this character actually overcame the problem: her father. She was always under the pressure of being the best, she was the best not because she wanted but because she was pushed to be the best. Do you imagine how hard that is? She did bad, of course she wanted the pretty boy cause let’s be honest she maybe didn’t like him that much but he was the trophy and she was taught to win, no matter what she had to be the winner and at a time Suho was portrayed as the prize (let’s be honest okay).

9. JK’s family: they really make me think of that’s how it is in reality, I come from a very close family so I can’t imagine my mother not realised something is wrong. The mum was really violent, she threatened JK in several ocasions like “I am going to kill you” and also she’s like a professional in beauty why she never helped her daughter? Or why she was so angry that her daughter spent money and time in make up if she actually was making a living from that (For me she had a beauty saloon right?). Also the mum was so confítenle do sharing how she likes the other two children better than JK, idk.

10. The bromance. Lastly but not less important the bromance, my god all the times Suho and Seojun spend together were so pecios their relationship went to “I hate you” to “But i miss you” And that’s something I really liked from the story. Cause they were friends so obviously they knew each other but when Seoyun died* they were busy trying to find the guilty one that they never knew the only thing that was necessary was to be together. So as always it was the lack of ✨COMMUNICATION ✨ but I am glad even tho they were in love with the same girl they found a way to share their lives together.

PS1. Please support Inyeop in his next drama! Love Gayoun she is very talented and if you like Eunwoo please check our his work as idol with ASTRO they are so amazing and adorable.

PS2. I would love to discuss these points with someone ☺️ just let’s be respectful to each other okay!

PS3. I’ve always been team Suho since the webtoon started but Seojun is a lovely boy so no, I can’t really be impartial here.

Have a good day/ night

#true beauty #cha eunwoo #moon ga young #hwang in yeop #lee suho #han seojun #im jukyung

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dcseriesfanfics · 7 years ago

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He stole my heart.

Hello everyone! Legends of Tomorrow is back wooo! This first episode made me think a lot of things and have a lot of theory’s. Anyways, I am so so happy that my fav show is back with my love Rip Hunter and TimeCanary!

Today, I’m going to write a fanfic inspired on what Sara said in the episode: “I ran into one of Rip’s time agents a while back. He may have left his badge at my place….all right, maybe I lifted it off him in the morning…”

I saw people saying that she was talking about the agent, but what if she was talking about Rip? We are going to saw that in this little fanfic, I hope you like it<3

Dedicated to: @coldflashwave-baby

Sara’s P.O.V

After work at night, I walked around the city, I needed to distract myself. Since Rip didn’t need the Legends anymore my rutine was basically wake up early, get breakfrest, go to work, go back home and sleep. Always the same fucking thing, so today I tried something different, but it was boring after all.

While I was walking, I find myself closer to the Time Bureau’s headquarters, and I saw Rip walking out of there, maybe going home.

And of course, I followed him.

“I know that you are following me, Sara” he said minutes later, stopped and turn around to look at me. I got closer to him.

“I used my League of Assassins strategies, how did you discover me?”

“I learned a lot of things about you, Sara. What are you doing here? It’s late”

“Worried about me or something?”

“People out here are the ones who have to worry” I laughed.

“You are right, you learned a lot of things about me”

“How are you doing? Are you doing well?”

“Fine I think, but of course I miss the Waverider, working with the Legends, but you know what I miss more?”

“What?”

“You” in that moment, it was like everything dissapeared, it was only me and Rip.

“Sara.....” I smiled a little bit after his reaction, he got nervous.

“Can I go with you, wherever you are going? I don’t want to go back home, it’s boring”

“Uhm.... yes.... sure” glad to know that the old Rip was still there or at least a part, I can know that only watching his reactions.

Minutes later of walking and walking, we finally arrived. Rip’s new home was actually an apartment, a really modern one.

“This is wonderful” I said, looking the view from the window. “You can see all the city”

“Beautiful, right?” he said by my side. “But it’s not compared to your beauty” I looked at him with a smile, a really honest smile.

“Are you filtring with me?”

“No, of course I’m not..... or maybe” I laughed.

“You looked handsome with your beard and with your coat, why did you do such a big change?”

“I just wanted to start again”

“Of couse, without us messing around” I said with a sigh.

“Sara, please don’t talk like that, I love you” I looked at him with surprise, then he realised. “I think I fucked up” I laugh again, then I got more and more closer to him.

“No you didn’t, because I feel the same”

“How can you feel the same after everything I did?”

“Are you still blaming myself?”

“Sometimes”

“You don’t have to, for you it was five years ago, for the Legends were months but anyways, it was a long time ago”

“I just... I wish I can have someone who comforts me when I feel... depressed” Rip was almost crying, so I hug him, thing that I shoud do before.

“You can have me, you know that?” I looked at his eyes again, with my arms still around him. “I love you Rip, and I want you back”

“I want you back too Sara, I want you, I just want you” and we kissed, we kissed with passion, we kissed very fast. I was feeling his heart beating so fast, I was feeling his breath, his fast breath. Rip carried me, kissing my neck and touching me. We walked to his bedroom, and fell to the bed.

“Oh my god, Rip....” the passion grew, and in that moment I didn’t care about anything else, I just want Rip’s body closer to mine.

“Sara” he sighed, I rolled over his body, kissing his lips, his face and his neck. Rip finally decided to took my shirt out, I took his shirt out too and I got back to his lips. In just a few second, our bodies were just covered with our underwars.

And the magic and the passion did the rest.

When I opened my eyes, I was in the bed with Rip by my side, still sleeping. I checked the hour, I didn’t have to work until 9:00 am, and it was only 6:30 am.

I took a shower and I put my clothes, Rip was still sleeping, but I know he wouldn’t mind.

Some rays of sunlight were coming through the window, making Rip look like an angel, appareantly without any nightmares. I wish I could fight against Rip’s nightmares. I want him to be happy, I didn’t want him to suffer, I never wanted that. I remembered what happened last night, Rip saying my name again and again, telling him how much I loved him, kissing and kissing. I remembered when we finished, we looked at each other with heart eyes and suddenly, I feel asleep in his arms, totally happy.

I saw Rip’s bag when I was getting out. I saw his entrance to the Time Bureau’s headquarters, and I just smiled.

“He stole my heart, and I’m gonna steal this”

#timecanary #ripsara #rip x sara #rip hunter #sara lance #legends of tomorrow #dc legends of tomorrow #DCTV #fanfic

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desperationandgin · 7 years ago

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Tags from a Jeller Blindspotter

Okay, per ask request....some tags. From like, 50+ pages of posts. I tried to pick only good ones!! And they sort of go in order? But not really because at a certain point there were hiatuses and such. w/e here we go! ALSO, Bonus: if you click them, it’ll take you to the post the tags were about! Well, kind of. If you click on ‘fuck’ for example it’ll take you to everything I’ve tagged with that, soooo.

#this pilot was okay #idk what the end game is tho (LMAO I just want to point out this was September 23rd. I point this out because on September 29th we have:)

#I AM SHIPPING THIS SO HARD (LOOOOOL DIDN’T TAKE LONG.)

#I SHIP IT #I SHIP IT HARD (I was such trash so fast.)

#GODDAMMIT WHY DO I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

#look at this man looking at jane i'm going to jump off a cliff into an ocean of my own tears

#god LOOK AT THEM #and now we know who she is and it's even better (OH, ME OF THE PAST LMAO.)

#ahhhh FUCK #GOD #HHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK (this was my mental breakdown over ‘you’re my starting point.’)

#GOODBYE SWEET SHIP

#LOOK AT HER LOOKIN AT HIS LIPS #SHE WAS MOVIN IN #GIRRRRRRRRRRRRL

#DOES EVERYONE ON THIS FUCKING TEAM KNOW BUT KURT (that he’s in love with Jane, lmao.)

#YOU LITTLE SHIT

#KDSHFLKJDSGFDKLJGHFDJKLGHFDLKGKFSLDGFFGHLFG #AHAHHAAHHHAHAA #FUCK ME SOFTLY (If you guessed this was ‘Authentic Flirt’ you’d be right.)

#the way he smiles at her is going to cripple me

#you can literally see patterson internally screaming

#my soul is not physically prepared for this #he is wearing a wedding ring #they are undercover #i am going to collapse (DEAR ME OF THE PAST: IT GETS BETTER.)

#WHY ARE YOUR LIPS NOT AGAINST HIS LIPS YET

#NO NO IT'S OKAY I'M FINE #I'M FINE #no i'm NOT

#you two assholes look like you've been doing this shit forever what is your problem #just get married (LOL)

I’m putting the rest under a read more!

#these two assholes

#the couple who kills together stays together tbh

#GDI SAWYER (ah yes, the interruption of the first kiss.)

#SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT IT

#I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE'S DONE #PLS PROTECT HER AT ALL COSTS #i'm talking to u kurt

#nO PROTECT HER

#he looks at her like she's the missing part of his heart

#STOP KURT

#YEAH JANE FUCK HIM UP

#and then this asshole 'I'M DAMAGED FOR LIFE lol just kidding baby i got you didn't i?'

#PERPETUALLY NEAR TEARS JANE DOE IS MY FAV JANE DOE #because then kurt does some drastic shit likes puts her hand over his heart and holds her close

#GOD I'M GONNA BARF BECAUSE SHE KNOWS SHE DID IT TO HERSELF

#JANE WITH BIG GUNS IS MY AESTHETIC

#I AM IN SO MUCH PHYSICAL PAIN

#SEND ME A MEDIC

#LOOK AT THE WAY THESE TWO NERDS LOOK AT EACH OTHER

#i'm going to fling myself into the sun

#i'm hurting so bad

#my CHEST HURTS

#HE'S SO IN LOVE WITH HER AND I JUST

#HE WANTED TO MAKE OUT WITH HER ON A PARK BENCH

#please help this man (these are all after Jane didn’t meet Kurt at that park bench, lol :( )

#I REALLY #I HATE #I'M SO ANGRY

#OH MY GOD I'M FUCKING SCREAMING ARE YOU SHITTING ME #OH FUCK THIS ALL OF THIS

#well i'm gonna cry over everything

#FUCK #THIS #WITH #A WOODEN #SPOON

#TALK TO KURT JANE PLEASE JUST #end my suffering

#WHEN KURT CRIES MY LIFE IS DESTROYED

#in this our time period of perpetual angst

#i'm so sad for kurt #someone please take care of him

#he keeps trying so hard and it's breaking my heart

#my dumb tattooed angel

#fbi couple of my heart

#why is this show so terrible to them right now lmao #what did i ever do but love your show martin gero

#what if i just sleep through the rest of the season and you guys tell me if this shit ever gets resolved

#all i do is cry over these two assholes

#now all you have to do is both get your heads out of your asses #and then we can all move forward together

#my baby comforting her baby

#LOOK AT HER SMILE #cherish this moment and hold onto it #i tell myself

#you are both idiots and i love you

#KURT 'FUCK IT BREAK THE FUCKING WINDOW' WELLER

#WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALLLLLLLL #BUT NOW WE NEVER WIIIILLLL #BECAUSE SOMEONE COULDN'T FUCKING TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT SHIT GODDAMMIT

#and then it all got fucked

#i just feel sad lol

GOD FUCK FUCK FUCK #FUUUUUUUCK THIS #GODDAMMIT (after mayfair died.)

#everything hurts and i'm dying because of this show

#I REJECT GERO'S REALITY AND SUBSTITUTE MY OWN (S1 finale, lmao)

#i'm so worried about everyone on this show lmao

#this is the most painful thing that has ever happened

#i still want to jump off a fucking cliff

#somehow the good and the bad times are all in one season

#FUCK #FUCK THIS SHOW #GODDAMMIT

#please erase this pain from my soul

#kurt: you know how important you are to me. #kurt's brain: BACK UP BACK UP BACK UP #kurt: to the tEAM

#I HAVE NEVER WITNESSED HEART EYES LIKE THAT ANY OTHER TIME IN MY LIFE

#KURT TACKLING PEOPLE FOR HIS WIFE

#lmao wow i just honestly want to cry

#does your otp point guns at each other's heads #because of a terrible misunderstanding lmao

#it's canon that jane can kick the crap out of kurt #god bless

#do you ever just cry because your otp can't find their chill

#jane just casually accepting that she should be hated #:(

#SOMEONE HELP HER #KURT

#when your fav has perfect eyebrows after getting tortured for 3 months

#kurt you have no right to look so offended shut up lmao

#HAHAHAHAH IS YOUR SHIP EVER JUST SO GODDAMN PAINFUL

#everyone shut the fuck up and listen to rich

#i am so angry lmao

#i'm so stressed

#he goes from chill to #i'm going to fucking murder you with my bare hands #in like .2 seconds (When he realizes CIA guy tortured Jane.)

#do you ever just cry #because your otp took a wild ass fucking detour

#determined kurt angrily stripping #new aesthetic

#KURT YOU NEVER LOOK AT ANYONE ELSE THIS WAY #you fucking idiot oh my god lmao

#i'm so mad at martin gero

#bring back sarah weller #kurt is out of fucking control without her

#you're an idiot #both of you are fucking idiots tbh lmfao

#I AM SLOWLY DYING BECAUSE OF THESE IDIOTS

#this episode gave me the gift of life

#jane ain't got time for this shit she has a man to go kiss

#GIVE ME THIS KISS OR GIVE ME DEATH

#LOW CUT BUTTON DOWN SHIRT #MAKE HIM HOLLA JANE

#I'M DEAD AND GONE #I CAN'T COPE #I HONESTLY JUST #FUUUUUCK OOOOOOOOOFF

#IMAGINE IF JANE EVER GOT TO SMILE AGAIN

#blindspot #jeller #jane doe #kurt weller

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